#it was taking up space and bc of that things were blocking my closet | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thisvegetabledoesntfallinlove · 2 years

Text

having aromantic feelings in this denny’s tonight bc i had to go on a blocking spree yet again.

I just think like... people don’t know shit about what it’s like to be aromantic. aphobes complain about the Fandomization Of Pride and say shit like “asexuality is basically a fandom thing; if your community is entirely online and based around tumblr tags and headcanons, you cant possibly compare it to actual real life gay experiences”

and like. i have some bad fucking news for you about gay people who live in super homophobic backwater small towns. I’ve known plenty of gay people who were completely closeted irl and whos entire interaction with queerness was online communities, especially gay shipping. that doesn’t mean there aren’t other gay people in those homophobic little towns, its just often too dangerous to look for them. there are definitely other aro people in my backwater little town! I just can’t find them. I’m not saying this is the best way to interact with the queer community! or even a good way! for instance, nobody gives a shit about gay vs aro or bi vs pan irl! this drama is all internet shit! but being terminally online is certainly not a problem unique to aspec people.

honestly, as someone who’s trans, bisexual and aromantic, the thing that’s actually made my life the most difficult for cishets to swallow is the aromantic part. my backwater town is fairly liberal, so they can be chill about the gay thing, they can even tolerate the trans thing, but not getting married???? what do you mean you can’t be like the sweater-wearing chaste gay dads in the commercials? what do you mean you don’t want to date but you still want to have sex???????

nothing about my identity is palatable. nothing about me is relatable or marketable. my life, my future, my happiness, looks completely alien to your average cishet. the first time I told someone irl that I was aromantic, the immediate reaction was “oh my god I’m so sorry” as if I just said I had cancer.

like. actually. yknow what. yeah I think the aromantic experience is very easy to compare to my experience as a disabled person. its because I’m fundamentally missing something that Typical People consider completely intrinsically tied to their worth and their happiness. what’s the point of life if you can’t get married? whats the point of life if you can’t have a job? “i’m so sorry to hear you’ll never experience the be all end all of human existence; retiring to live comfortably with your aging partner as your grown children take up the mantle of your legacy.”

people don’t know what its like to be aromantic. they think of it as a tumblr tag, or headcanons, because the only time they bother to interact with aromanticism is when they’re complaining about our headcanons. no one can deny that aspec identity in this decade is intrinsically connected to the internet, in the same way that no one can say that gay identity in 1970s and 80s america wasn’t intrinsically connected to gay bars. its because That’s How You Meet People. queer people have always taken whatever was the current way for humans to connect to each other and carved out their own space.

aromanticism is in the stage where its hard to find other people, and no one knows what you are, and if you explain it to them they think you’re sick. we’re in the stage where we don’t get a lot of explicit canon representation, we have to scrape by on aro readings and subtext and coding.

and it IS coding! its coding! I don’t care if aromanticism wasn’t named yet back then! there are plenty of instances of queer coding from before we had words like “trans” or “gay” or “lesbian” or even “queer.” what matters is that someone somewhere was like “this character has the experience of not feeling the socially mandated attraction to the opposite binary gender,” which is a queer experience whether the person feeling it is gay or aromantic. just like bisexuality and lesbianism weren’t separated for a long time because straight society didn’t care if the wlw could also technically like men, lesbianism and aromanticism and asexuality weren’t separated because straight society didn’t care if the woman who wouldn’t get married to a man wanted to kiss girls or not.

this is way longer than I intended it to be and it got kinda rambly and train-of-thought, and I don’t think I really have any particular conclusion here. just aro feelings. idk if this makes sense but I’m tired of trying to edit it to make more sense so I’m just hitting post

#actually aromantic #actually aro #aromanticism #alloaro #actually autistic #aspec #aphobia mention #queer #queerness #long post

2K notes · View notes

falcqns · 3 years

Note

Hi i have a request like a Chris Evans x reader and like the reader clean they’re house and chris have this book that he put like important stuff and the reader put that book on their coffee table and proceed to clean and when chris got home chris took a shower and find his book and he ask the reader and the reader said it was in the coffee table but when chris check it wasn’t there and chris got all mad bc it’s important and the reader said she will buy him a new one but chris said i will never be the same or something like that and chris stormed off and a few mins the reader saw the book but dodger have it he was ripping all the pages and stuff and the reader and dodge go to the shops and buy a new book for chris and when they got home chris was already there still mad and the reader gave the book to chris and the reader say something like “I know you said its not gonna be the same but I bought you a new one bc dodge kinda uh play with it” something like that and the reader apologized you can do whatever you want there, pls end it with a happy ending thankyou!

better than the original

pairing: Chris Evans x sensitive!Reader

warnings: angst, mentions of a DDLG relationship and little space, but no actual DDLG in this one, fluff, super sensitive reader (aka me, I cry over everything)

a/n: kind of a part two to "wrong person"?? readers not little in this, but its in the same universe!

you thought he would have been appreciative of you cleaning the house while he was on set, but to your surprise, he got mad.

"where's my book?" he asked, looking around the living room, disregarding all the work you'd done.

"I'm sure it's around here somewhere." you said, helping him look for his favourite book and trying to ignore the upset feeling in your stomach at the way he ignored the clean house.

he rounded the couch, and you heard him exclaim. "oh for fucks sake." he said, before storming off towards the bedroom. you furrowed your brow and walked around the couch. you sighed when you saw Dodger chewing on it, and ripping out the pages.

"Dodger! No!" you said. you took it away from him and placed it on the counter before going after Chris.

"we can always get a new one," you offered, but you knew that was the wrong decision when Chris turned around.

"that's not the fucking point, y/n! that was my favourite book, and even if we replace it it won't be the same!" he said, and he slammed the bedroom door shut behind him.

you felt tears coming to your eyes. you were insanely sensitive, and Chris knew that. he knew better than to yell at you, because you would start crying and wouldn't stop until you he assured you over and over that you weren't in trouble, and he wasn't mad or disappointed. you understood that he was upset, but it still hurt that he got mad and yelled at you, when you clearly didn't mean it.

you walked away and back to the living room and sat back down on the couch, where you remained for the rest of the night, your tears never ceasing. you were just trying to help, and show him you could be a good girlfriend and eventually wife, but instead you made him mad, and angry at you.

you spent a cold and lonely night on the couch, shivering from the cold that the knitted blanket couldn't block out, not wanting to anger Chris any further by joining him in the nice warm bed upstairs. just the thought of the bed made you eyes well up again, wanting nothing more than to cuddle up to him.

eventually, you woke from a restless slumber, and your tears retuned when you remembered that Chris was still mad at you. you glanced over to the book that still laid chewed up on the counter, and decided to go and try to find him a new one.

you stood up and grabbed your wallet and car keys, before leaving the house with Dodger on a leash.

you drove into town and found the first bookstore you could find. you walked in, and your eyes lit up when you saw they had just gotten a new shipment of them. for $15 you could get the regular book, or for $25 you could get a signed copy with a bookmark. you thought about it for a moment, but decided to get the signed copy, even though it cost more.

you paid for the book, and made the quick drive home, hoping that the book would put Chris in a better mood, if his sleep hadn't.

but, when you walked in the door, you knew that wasn't the case. the door shut behind you, and Chris came barrelling into the room.

"where the fuck were you?" he demanded, and your eyes widened. "ive been calling your phone, only to find out that you left it here, while you left, with my dog, might I add, to god knows where! why the fuck wouldn't you tell me where you're going? do know how stupid and immature that is?" he yelled at you. you tried to will yourself not to cry, but it was useless. he stood in front of you, eyes dark and face red. to you, he looked terrifying, and you wanted nothing more for him to go back to the nice Chris you thought he was.

tears slipped down your cheeks as you handed him the bag and Dodgers leash.

"I-i'm sorry. I k-know how much that b-book meant to you, a-and I just wanted to r-replace it so y-you won't be angry w-w-ith me anymore. I-I got the s-signed one to-o. it comes w-with a book mark. here-s your d-dog." you said before running off trying not to cry even more.

you ran into the bathroom, and to the linen closet where you had your little hideout. you climbed in and shut the curtain behind you, and let the tears come. you could feel your headspace approaching but you pushed it away.

you'd upset Chris, and he probably hated you for what you did. you knew that the book you bought could never replace the original, but you thought he would have liked it. you took Dodger with you because he needed some fresh air, and he loved going into stores with you.

you just wanted to prove you could be a big girl! that's all! he was really mad at you last night, so you knew even if you were little, you wouldn't get the care that you needed, so you pushed through and remained big for him, but even that wasn't good enough.

you don't know how long you sat there and cried your little heart out, but soon you heard Chris entering the bathroom. he took a seat somewhere and started to speak to you.

"y/n, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you like I did. you didn't deserve that. you worked so hard on cleaning the house and I didn't even acknowledge it because I was focused on a book. I should've let it go when it happened because its a book. I was wrong. it can be replaced. the one you got me is so much better than the other one, and I love that you got it for me. I shouldn't have yelled at you. you're insanely sensitive, and you were probably already on the verge of tears when you came in the house, and me yelling at you was not the right thing to do. I could have asked you calmly where you were going, instead of getting angry." he explained. he waited to see if you would say anything, and when you didn't, he continued speaking.

"and I'm sorry for saying that Dodger was my dog. he's not. he's ours. you take such good care of him, and I know you were only entertaining him because I was still asleep, because your such a sweet girl. I'm so sorry baby." he said. you sniffled, and slowly crawled out.

you walked over to him, tears still pouring down your face, and leaned against him. he immediately embraced you, and rubbed your back as you cried.

"I didn't mean to make you mad!" you sobbed, and Chris shook his head.

"no baby. you didn't. I could never be mad at you for something like that. you're okay. i'm not mad, i'm not disappointed. you're not a crybaby, its okay to cry." he recited like he always did, squashing all your fears before they could even enter your head. he lifted your head to look in your red and swollen eyes.

"have you stopped crying since last night?" he asked, and you shrugged your shoulders.

"n-not really." you said, and Chris sighed sadly.

"c'mon. let's go back to bed for a little, it's still early." he said, and you followed him into the bedroom.

you drifted off less than a second after your head hit the pillow, and had a peaceful sleep knowing that Chris wasn't mad at you.

#chris evans characters #chris evans angst #chris evans x female reader #chris evans headcanon #chris evans x you #chris evans actor #chris evans fic #chris evans x reader #chris evans x little!reader #chris evans x y/n #Chris Evans x you

803 notes · View notes

kooktrash · 3 years

Note

Mafia!jimin where he caught yn trying to leave him in the morning bcs of his rival threatened her to kill her family if she didn't.

13. "Please dont leave me." And 17. "Are you upset with me?" Please :3

hdjhdjj

Love Surrender

summary: your relationship with Jimin had always felt like it was on bothered time, but you were too scared to tell him.

warning(s):

- You had always questioned what drove you to be with Jimin. He lied to you, did awful things to others, and wasn’t trustworthy. You always wondered if it was fear that you stayed with him, or love. But you couldn’t wrap your head around loving someone who couldn’t tell you who he really was. It took an entire year for him to tell you what he did for a living. That was one of the first lies he told to you. The second, was that he’d always protect you and your family no matter what.

But now you understood that it wasn’t possible. Because even though he had all these connections with big scary people, there was always someone who was going to find their way around his security. He tried his hardest to always make you feel safe, and you thanked him for that. Because on the days where you lived paycheck to paycheck or your car would break down, he was always there to pick you up. He treated you like you were his world, and he’d tell you that every day that you almost believed it.

And if it wasn’t for last night, you could’ve seriously pictured spending the rest of your life with him.

- “Y/n,” it was late. You wiped at the sticky bar top trying your hardest to hurry up. It was just your manager and you, and he loved to leave early. “You don’t mind closing by yourself tonight, right? I have to get my kids to bed already, the babysitter’s leaving soon.”

“That’s fine, I’ll make sure to lock up,” you had told him. You locked up the restaurant on your own many times, it wasn’t hard and almost everything had been done anyway. You’d finish cleaning up and then you’d text Jimin telling him you’ll be home soon.

The glass in your hands almost slipped at the sound of the door opening. You looked up, placing the cut down as you noticed the group of men walking in. Pushing your loose strands behind your ear, you frowned apologetically, “Hello, I am so sorry but we are closed for the night. The cook already left.” They ignored you, locking the door and pulling the blinds down. You found yourself taking a step back, one of them smiled at you, “You must be Y/n I’ve heard so much about.”

“Who are you?” With brows furrowed you waited, scooting to the side where your phone was put away in a drawer. “Consider me,” the man pushed for a moment, “A friend of Jimin’s. You can call me Suga.”

You could hear buzzing coming from the drawer and he smiled, “That must be him. Find the phone.”

You made a move to run but one of the guys gripped your arm. He clicked his tongue shaking his finger at you, “That’s not how you treat company now is it?”

“What do you want?” You asked trying to push against the restraints of the man’s grip. He smiled warmly, “Well you see, I don’t have any problem with you Y/n. You seem like a smart and hardworking girl, so why you’re with him? I will never understand. But that is not why I’m here.”

“The reason why I am here is because, I am tired of seeing pretty girls like yourself get hurt by men like Jimin.” He took a step closer to you. “What does that have to do with you?” You spat out, wincing as he lifted his hand to you.

Pushing your hair back he smiled, “Well let’s just say someone I hold dearly was in your position once upon a time.”

“So I want you to understand that my problem is not with you,” Suga said reaching into the inside pocket of his blazer, a picture of you with your sister and father, “Or with them. And unless you want to see them get hurt, I advise you to leave Jimin. For your own good that is.”

- You didn’t return home last night. It had left Jimin up majority of the night, your text for reassurance doing anything but that. “She’s not back yet,” he huffed looking to Jungkook as the two waited, “She won’t even answer my text.”

“She said she was sleeping over at Yuna’s, relax she’s fine,” Jungkook tried telling his friend. Jimin only shook his head, pacing back and forth, “I know but...no she’s fine. She has to be. She’d tell me if she was in trouble, right?”

“Yes, she would,” Jungkook sighed standing up, “So why don’t you get some sleep. You’re looking sort of psycho right now.”

The sun hadn’t even fully come up when you arrived home. You spent the night at your dad’s house, fixing up your room that had been used for storage. Your sister and him bombarded you with questions left and right, asking why you were leaving Jimin. They never understand the kind of people Jimin knew, or that you wanted to make sure your family was safe over being with who you loved.

Jimin was passed out on the couch, still in a suit and a few empty glasses scattered on the coffee table. You were as quiet as a mouse, trying to hurry into your bedroom to get your things. You didn’t want him to see you. He’d try and make you stay or ask why you were leaving. You hoped you could just go, not have to listen to his promises, not feeling like a burden to him.

You flickered the light to your bedroom on. Going into the closet and pulling a chair up. You stood on it, reaching a high shelf to pull your old duffel bag out. You hadn’t used the worn out bag since you first moved in. Not even when you’d go on vacation with Jimin, he’d buy you suitcases from high-end brands instead. You were leaving him, but you were only taking what you came with.

You threw the bag on the bed, quickly opening your drawers and pulling out what you could remember. A lot had changed since you moved in with him, but you could still remember your worn out things from the luxurious things he’d buy you. You shoved your laptop in, not caring much as you put shoes and clothes and everything you could think of.

“What do you think you are doing?” You could feel your heart drop, not wanting to turn around and face the reality. Jimin took a cautionary step toward you, heart racing as he got a closer look at what you were doing.

“Um, Yuna and I are spending the weekend at a spa, I forgot to tell you?” You lied, clearing your throat. You could see the way he pressed his teeth tightly, eyes narrowed down on your belongings as you tried blocking them. “Are you trying to lie to me right now? Right to my face?” He asked pulling out your old slippers from the bag, “What. Are. You. Doing?”

“I already told yo—I just gotta go for a little bit,” you bit your lip, “Jimin stop it.” You reached for the things he pulled out of your bag. “You’re leaving me aren’t you?” He asked through gritted teeth.

“Jimin I—“

“Why?” He asked, suddenly pushing your bag onto the floor, a crack being heard from your laptop hitting the ground, “And don’t fucking lie to me.”

“I just have to go okay? I have to go, please just understand and give me space,” you reached for your things with shaky hands. He grabbed your arm, pulling you toward him, “I don’t understand though. Tell me what’s going on. Are you in trouble? I can help you. Just tell me what it is. Is it money? Is your dad in the hospital again? I’ll pay the bill don’t worry about it baby, okay? Is it your sister—“

“No! I just, I need space okay? I don’t think I can do this anymore—“ “Y/n!” His body trembled, “Listen to me. What is going on? You can’t just leave me like this and not tell me why. You can’t just leave me. Please,” he reached for your hand pulling it to his chest, “Please don’t leave me. Whatever it is we can figure it out together, just like we have for the last four years.”

“Jimin I—“ he dropped down to his knees, arms wrapping around your waist, “No. Please Y/n. Please don’t leave me.”

“You don’t understand,” you could feel a tear slip from your eye as he planted soft kisses on your hand repeatedly, “I have to.”

“Why?” He shouted, eyes growing red, “Why do you have to leave me? Am I not enough for you? I’ve tried to give you everything, and I’m not asking for anything back but for you to love me. Do you not love me?”

“Jimin, he’s going to come after my family if I stay with you,” you finally said. He sniffled, looking at you with a cold expression slowly raising to his feet, “What did you just say?”

“I shouldn’t have said anything. Please just let me go,” you sighed but he gripped your shoulders roughly, “Who is he?”

“Jimin, you’ll only make it worse. You can’t always protect me,” you argued but he shook his head. “Who the fuck was it?”

“Some guy named Suga.”

“Look at me,” he held your face in his hands, “Unpack your things, right now baby. You’re not going anywhere, I won’t let you. Let me take care of him okay? I’m sorry for putting you in this.”

“Bu—“ “I’ve got it baby, don’t worry.”

“Are you upset with me?” You asked as the pad of his thumb wipe: a tear away, “I’m sorry.”

“No baby,” he kissed you lightly, “Of course not. But if you try leaving me again, I will be.”

::.

IM SORRY BABSHDJSKDHKSNDHSJSNSHSJKSD. I LITERALLY CANNOT WRITE MAFIA LIKE WHAT EVEN HAPPENS NEXT 😭😭😭

#kpop #park jimin #min yoongi #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #kim seokjin #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #bts #bts Drabble #kooktrash requests #Suga

189 notes · View notes

isolemnlyswear · 3 years

Note

ooo could i request a remus x fem! reader where both of them are very shy so it takes lily, james and sirius to push them together. and whenever they talk to each other they stutter a lot?

always have, always will.

a/n : guess what! i made this way too intense again. i can't help it; its so much easier for me to write a really fucking intense love rather than a crush IM SORRY !! the end is the only cute part the rest is shite

HAPPY (very belated bc i don't have any motivation) BIRTHDAY REMUS MY BEAUTIFUL BOY

taglist : @oldschoolkiddo @amourtentiaa @anchoeritic @faeinorbit @tomriddleswifey @inks-and-jinx @jxsperhxle @punkrific @the-gazette-of-tea @krasivayadarling @orifortheweeknd @fallin-4-ya @incxndio @daisyyy2516 @hoe4cedricdiggory

young!remus lupin x fem!reader

---

"Oh." you sigh, blinking when you see Remus inside. Your huff isn't one of discontent; rather, as you enter the common room, you're simply nervous, timid to deal with the boy. As soon as you want to speak in front of him, to tell him that you really, really like him, you start blushing, turning into a stammering mess.

Alas, you swallow your fear, sitting down on the plush maroon chair opposite him and Sirius; Lily is on the floor, flipping through a potions book, and James is sprawled across your coordinating chair. Remus is lying against the side of the couch, knees up with arms wrapped around his legs. He's smiling, laughing at a joke Sirius told prior to your arrival.

Your heart is aching in your chest, and you try to will it to stop yearning for this boy, but there's a voice inside your head. One that tells you that he's all you could ever need.

Such thoughts reduce you to mush when Lily notices your arrival.

"There she is! How are 'ya?" the redhead greets you happily, and such a simple question is blocked out by your tunnel vision; you can only focus on one thing at the moment, and it's Remus.

You don't speak for a moment, zoning out, but when your eyes meet those of Remus, you quickly snap out of your trance, shaking your head.

"'M fine. J-just tired, I think 'm gonna go upstairs-" you manage to say, but you're cut off by an incredulous Sirius.

"S'five in the afternoon!" he says with a laugh, and you nod.

"And?" you quip, focus now returned when you tear your eyes away from Remus.

"Y'gotta stay down here, dinner's soon!" Lily replies, and you glare at her. She knows exactly why you want to leave at the moment, rather, she knows about how in love you are with one of your best friends. She raises her hands in mock surrender, and you sigh.

It's almost painful, the next hour. You're trying so hard to not make it alarmingly obvious concerning your... issue, but it's proving to be quite difficult.

And then, finally, it's dinner. You're able to get away with not talking, as you pretend to be eating anytime you're asked a question, and Remus is silent as well.

You eventually can sneak away to your dorm, wanting to sleep to rid yourself of the thoughts that give you no reprieve during the day.

But, of course, your dreams are of Remus.

---

Unbeknownst to you, and Remus, the entire rest of the marauders (and about half your year) are painfully aware of your affection for the boy.

And his for you.

So they hatch a plan; it’s simple, but effective.

You're all lounging in the common room -a typical Saturday afternoon - when James poses an odd request.

“Hey, Y/N? D’you wanna go look at something for me?” he asks, fighting back the smile that threatens at his lips. You nod, eager to get away from the tension that you and Remus are swamped by.

“What is it?” you ask as he gets up, leading you up the stairs and to his dorm room. You're confused, eyebrows furrowing and hands wringing nervously.

“You'll see.” James grins at you as you enter the dorm room - which has four beds, three of which are littered with laundry and other teenage boy things, but one is impeccably neat, and you assume it to be Remus’s.

“James, what-” you begin, but he shushes you with a laugh.

“Lily’s cat won't get out of this closet, y’see, and I know you're good with animals and the like, so could you...get it? For Lily, f’course, ” he asks, pointing to a rather large closet in the corner of their dorm.

You raise your eyebrows, but nod, opening the doors and getting in, eyes searching for Lily’s feline friend.

But as soon as you drop to your knees, a soft thud reverberates through the closet. James had shut the doors, and the closet was big enough to where you weren't claustrophobic, thankfully. But there is no cat in sight. None.

Downstairs, however, James had strolled in nonchalantly, and Lily’s grinning.

“What did you do this time, Prongs?” Remus sighs, unaware that the others around him are all aware of their little plot.

“Maybe you should go upstairs and find out,” James says ominously, raising a dark eyebrow. Remus glares at him, sighing.

“Where’s Y/N?” he asks, still holding his gaze on the brunette. Lily giggles, and Remus shoots her an impatient glare. “What did you do to her?” The question is directed at no one in particular, but the irascible tone in the lycanthrope’s voice demands an answer.

“Once again, go upstairs and find out, mate.” James’s tone, however, is one of amusement.

Remus takes in a querulous breath, turning to stomp up the stairs.

Undivulged to him, James is sneakily creeping up the stairs behind the boy.

You're pounding at the mahogany of the closet door, and you've forgotten your wand downstairs, leaving you helpless in the space. You ponder why James would do such a thing, but you brush it off, figuring it was another prank, one of all too many.

“Y/N?” Remus questions hesitantly into the empty dorm, and your ears prick up at his voice.

“I'm in here!!” you shout, pounding at the closet door, and Remus rushes to open it for you.

But as soon as he's inside, helping you up, James, with a flick of his wand, shuts the door.

You're locked in.

With Remus.

And it's absurd, really, how quickly your heart is beating in your ribcage.

“Prongs I swear to Merlin-” Remus starts irritably, but stops himself with a tremulous inhale.

“Fuck,” you whisper, cowering to the back of the closet. Remus’s scent is surrounding you, the honey and chocolate and dark cologne enveloping you in a blanket of bliss. You’re thankful for the dim nature of the closet, for your cheeks are rouging with embarrassment.

Little known to you, Remus’s heart is pounding in his ears, and he’s even more entranced by your scent, what with his dog-like sense of smell. It's his favorite scent in the world, truly, one he could get lost in forever.

“Sorry,” the boy whispers, slumping down across the space from you, and you quirk a brow.

“W-what are you sorry for, Remus?” you ask quietly, wrapping your arms around yourself.

“I got us locked in here, didn't I?” You can hear the soft smile in his voice, a bittersweet one.

“But that isn't too bad, is it?” you say, courage surging through your bones as the darkness shields your nerves.

“Oh yeah?” he asks under his breath, laughing softly.

“What, am I that unbearable?” you tease, tucking a strand of fallen hair behind your ear.

“No,” Remus says remarkably quickly, and then he hesitates for a second. “Quite the opposite.” His voice is barely above a whisper, but his words ring in your ears like a mantra.

“That's quite cryptic,” you say, taking in a deep breath.

“Y’gonna make me spell it out for you?”

“If you mean what I think you do, fuck, either I'm being terribly idiotic right now or...” you trail off, noticing that Remus is closer to you, now.

“Or what?” he breathes, and you close your eyes slowly.

“Or...if you're, um, insinuating what I think you to be, and I get words out correctly enough to respond...” you leave the rest of the sentence unsaid, words trapped in your throat.

“What then?” Remus says ever-so-quietly, and you take in another breath, eyes still pressed closed.

“I'd be making the best decision of my life.”

You can hear the boy’s breath hitch in his throat. You open your eyes to see that he's next to you, now, and the soft light from under the door that illuminates you as the sun lowers is glimmering on his skin, bouncing off the scars in his skin and the gold flecks in his eyes.

“Perhaps... Perhaps it’d be right of you to make that assumption. That I'm saying what you think I am, that is.” He breathes slowly, and your eyes flick to him again.

“This conversation is the most cryptic thing I've ever heard,” you say quietly with a laugh, and Remus nods in agreement.

“We’re getting the point across, though, aren't we?” he jests, and you giggle. Your expression then turns serious, and you turn so that you're facing the boy.

“Could I... Could I take you up on that offer of spelling it out?” you say breathlessly, and Remus smiles gently.

“We could say it on three,” he suggests, and you laugh.

“Merlin, we're like toddlers. Fine, on your count, then,” you reply with a nod, heart a jackhammer in your chest.

“One... Two...” he pauses for a second, and you let out a breath.

He's fully facing you, as well, and you see a glint in his eyes that's so familiar yet so new.

“Fuck this,” he says before the last count, and your eyes widen. “I love you, Y/N. I'm- I'm in love with you.” he admits, shutting his eyes like he's ripping off a particularly menacing bandaid.

You don't respond for a moment, mouth open in shock. But as soon as you snap out of your trance, you notice the boy’s posture; he's nervous, recoiled as if he's worried you wouldn't say it back.

You place a delicate hand on the side of his face, thumbing over his cheek, and he relaxes at your touch, still not opening his eyes.

You softly press your lips to his, and he responds instantaneously, one hand reaching to pull you in by your waist, the other resting on your cheek.

There's a fire exploding inside you, and it’s glorious, golden sparks erupting after being kept inside for so long. Your lips are dancing in a delicate rhythm with his, like they were meant to. He tastes like chocolate and bliss, and his hand wraps in your hair, tongue swiping over your lips gently.

After what feels simultaneously like an eternity and no time at all, you break away for air, resting your forehead against his.

“Now it's my turn to infer from that,” he breathes after a moment, and you smile.

“Not quite as cryptic, you'll find.” You smile, kissing him again. “I love you, Remus Lupin. Always have, always will.”

#remus lupin x reader #remus lupin blurb #remus lupin fic

220 notes · View notes

shipwreckedshadows · 2 years

Text

I’ve been thinking a lot about Otto Octavius/Stephen Strange bc my brain always corners me into taking an interest in rare-pares. So here’s a 30m thing i wrote up. For context, takes place during NWH. instead of curing all the villains at once, they do it one at a time. the put Strange in charge of babysitting they redempted. nothing super racy yet, im still trying to get a feel for these characters.

they cured him first. he was the only one they could control so they cured him first. then they left Octavius in Strange’s quaint tea room. after pouring two cups of chamomile, Strange took a seat across from Octavius. he put his attention into a small pulp-fiction volume. the book seemed like a means to give Octavius some metaphorical space. Octavius let the actuators rest and blocked out their neurofeedback. he stared into the depths of his cup, savouring the way the tea slipped sweetly down his throat. it left a bitter trail on the underside of his tongue. for the first time in months, he remembered he liked milk in his tea. it mitigated the bitter and emphasized the sweet. he took an observational eye to the design of the study. under the haze of the actuators, he stopped sparing seconds to understand and savour the visual world around him. savouring detracted from efficiency. enjoyment derailed focus from the directive. plan. calculate. build. succeed.

destroy.

on the note of destruction, his mind drifted to Rosie. a tight feeling screwed itself into his abdomen. a force other than hot tea burned the back of his throat. he imagined a closet in his mind. he put the thought of Rosie inside and shut the door. he imagined the door disappearing, to be called upon at a different time.

he focused on the wizard in front of him. he focused on observing purely for the leisure of it, for the sense of curiosity and motivation that came from learning new things about his environment.

with his clean cut and artful greys, Strange cut a prestigious figure. in the closeness of the study, Octavius noticed that something like kindness emanated under the cape and ego. it gleamed through Strange’s professional expression the way water gleams white on the blue surface of the ocean. he caught it in the way Strange let his finger caress the fibrous page, flip it over and tuck it gently under his thumb. Strange didn’t hide his softness, Octavius concluded, but he didn’t favour it either.

the thought made Octavius curious.

“were you always a wizard?” he rumbled into the quiet of the room.

“no.” Strange answered at his book.

“what did you do before?”

“I was a neurosurgeon.”

Octavius hummed thoughtfully.

perhaps, he amended, Strange favoured sharpness over kindness as a primary trait. the wit and confidence likely served him better in a competitive, clinical setting. kindness makes that sort of work difficult. Octavius felt he could relate to that thread of reasoning.

at this small revelation of relatability, Octavius felt the mystery melt away from Strange. it only served to pique his curiosity. he wanted to pry further and ask more questions.

surprise grasped him and the world slowed for a single, crystal moment.

he realized.

Strange, quiet by accident, reignited his scientific curiosity. Strange reinstated the urge to learn and explore and inquire and know.

Octavius smiled into his teacup and enjoyed another sweet-bitter sip.

#otto octavius #stephen strange #otto octavius/stephen strange #alumnix writes

6 notes · View notes

jlalafics · 3 years

Note

Ok so you just wrote me a gorgeous drabble and here I am wanting more, bc you’re just too good. On my way to the gym this morning I almost crashed my car bc I saw sexy construction workers and was wondering if sometime in the future you would maybe consider ConstructionWorker!Peeta? Maybe Katniss almost crashed her car staring at that ass? Lol sorry for being so needy... 😘

I hope you enjoy @mrspeetamellark, trying to think up a story title and story cover concept right now because I’m liking this Everlark so much.

Thanks for the prompt, doll! <3

_____

“Yes, move that meeting to the afternoon,” Katniss told her sister. “Snow wants to meet about the Gilmore divorce proceedings.”

“Got it,” Prim replied from the speakers of the car. “Where are you?”

“Just turning onto our block,” she informed her. “It looks like they’re finally renovating the building next to the office…”

Katniss’ eyes were suddenly drawn to a figure standing out against the rest of the men gathered at the site. He was leaning against one of the wood slats that surrounded the property, blond and broad wearing a fitted white t-shirt.

Suddenly, his eyes drew up to meet hers.

Azure blue greeted her own steel ones, the man’s mouth widening into a smile, his expression warm and sweet.

Before morphing into panic—

“Holy fuck!”

Katniss swerved just in time to avoid a squirrel crossing the street and just barely maneuvering her car from crashing into a tree. She managed to save face, making the turn into her office’s parking garage and then into her assigned space.

“Are you alright?” Prim called out. “For a moment there, I thought I lost you.”

Katniss turned off the engine, taking in a calming breath.

“I’m fine. I’ll be up in a minute,” she responded before hanging up.

This is what she got for even looking at a man. It was a sign from the gods telling her to focus on work and not on her lack of a social life.

Too bad, though. The man was awfully cute.

++++++

“Peeta!” Turning, Peeta found Finnick—one of the other construction workers and his childhood friend—heading towards him. “Your dad said that we could take our lunches now.”

“Fine with me,” Peeta agreed, pulling off his construction helmet and tucking it under his arm.

The two headed down the street, grabbing some sandwiches from a nearby deli before heading back.

“So,” Finnick began, as they sat down at the tables set-up in front on the construction site. “I saw that your lady almost damn near crashed into a tree this morning.”

“She isn’t my lady,” Peeta muttered, unwrapping his sandwich to avoid his friend’s teasing eyes. “She’s just a beautiful woman who I happen to admire—who would never look at someone like me.”

“She did notice!” his friend exclaimed. “That close call happened because she was looking at you. Maybe you should go over to her office building and introduce yourself, ask if she’s okay—”

“No, no, no…” Peeta shook his head. “She’s high class and I am…me.”

“Peeta—” Finnick looked to him in concern. “You are a good guy. Stop being so hard on yourself. Just because one woman couldn’t look past your circumstances, doesn’t mean they all will.” His friend’s sea-green eyes darted behind him. “In fact, I’m going to help you out—”

Sticking his middle and index fingers into his mouth, Finnick let out a loud whistle.

“What are you doing?” Peeta asked in confusion.

His friend ignored him, looking behind Peeta and pointing at him.

Then, he was being yanked by the forearm from his seat and being slammed against one of the wood slats of their construction site.

Up close, her eyes were smoky and full of fire—because she was pissed.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” she demanded. “I am not the kind of woman who needs to get whistled at to feel like she’s hot. In fact, it’s downright demeaning! If you wanted my attention, all you had to do was introduce yourself like a normal person—”

“Wait!” She stepped back, but her grip on the front of Peeta’s shirt didn’t let up. “I never whistled at you. It was my friend; the idiot with the red hair who is currently trying to skulk back into our construction site, so you won’t manhandle him like you’re doing to me.”

The woman turned just in time to see Finnick guiltily rush into the construction site.

She immediately released her grasp, her olive complexion flushing scarlet.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” The woman let out a nervous laugh. “It’s just been a hell of a day so far. I almost crashed my car this morning—” Her grey eyes widened. “It’s you!”

He held out his hand to her. “Peeta Mellark.”

She took it and Peeta let his thumb brush against her rich skin. “Katniss Everdeen.”

“Now that we’ve officially met,” he started. “Are you okay? It was a close call this morning.”

“I’m fine,” she assured him. “It’s just been so busy with meetings and I have to go grab lunch—”

“Split my sandwich with me,” he offered. Peeta nodded at the still wrapped sandwich on the now empty table. “Or I’m pretty sure there are few birds that would be happy to take your half.”

Katniss flushed. “You sure?”

“I insist.” He led her towards the table, pulling out a chair for her. After sitting, he pulled one of the wrapped pieces out and handed it to her. “Turkey and provolone, no tomatoes.”

“That is my exact order at Sae’s Deli!” Katniss said as she unwrapped her half.

Peeta grinned. “It’s where I got it.”

“So—” She placed her sandwich down and turned to him. Peeta examined her, perfect posture, a heart-shaped face, and smooth shoulder-length waves greeted his appreciative eyes. “—why did your friend whistle at me?”

Peeta let out a breath.

“The first time I came by to examine this construction site, you came to your office,” he explained. “You were wearing a red romper and your hair was in a braid. You were about the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Ever since, I guess I just looked out for you. Finnick just happened to notice and thought he could help things along…”

Peeta waited for her to recoil or grimace. It sounded pathetic, the way he always made sure to look out for her black BMW in the mornings. However, to him, it was just not a good day if he didn’t see her lovely face, even if it was just through her car window.

“Did you want to have dinner?”

He turned to her, his jaw dropping. “What?”

Katniss blushed, her eyes going to her lap.

“I think you’re cute and I almost crashed my car looking at you,” she revealed slowly. “And it seems like a sign that we should look into whatever this is. Also—” Her eyes met his, glowing brightly. “No one has ever called me beautiful.”

“I find that hard to believe,” he said softly. “I would love to have dinner with you. You have to let me pay, though.”

“Is that some sort of manly-man bullshit?” she retorted with a grin.

“No, my mother would kill me if she found out that I didn’t pay on the first date,” Peeta explained. “She’d think that it would be a horrible start to our epic love story.”

“I like your mom already,” Katniss told him. “How’s six sound?”

“Perfect.”

“Katniss!”

They turned to find a pretty blonde and a dark-haired woman with a squared gaze approaching.

“My sister and one of my associates,” Katniss told him. She reached into her pocket, pulling out a small case and taking out a business card. “My cell number is on it—text me when you can, and we can go over details for tonight.”

“Sure,” he replied in a daze.

Taking her sandwich—they both had foregone eating—Katniss stood, but not before pressing a kiss to his cheek and giving him a breathtaking smile.

“I’m looking forward to tonight.”

+++++++

Over texts, Katniss and Peeta decided to meet at an Italian restaurant close to her apartment.

“I can’t believe you asked that guy out!” Johanna, her roommate and one of the other lawyers in the firm, said from her seat on Katniss’ bed. “You, who won’t even agree to coffee when any other man offers, asked a construction worker out to dinner.”

“He’s not just a construction worker,” Katniss protested. “He’s Peeta Mellark, a guy who I think is really nice and easy to talk to—”

“And let’s not forget the ass,” came a shout from Prim, who was searching in Katniss’ walk-in closet. “Don’t act like you weren’t looking at it when he got up to go back to work, Katniss.” Prim stepped into her bedroom, holding a deep-purple dress with a v-neckline and three-quarter sleeves. “I knew you tried to hide my birthday present! Put this on so he can rip it off you.”

Katniss scowled at her. “Who taught you to talk like that?”

“You did,” Prim retorted with a cheeky grin. “Now, go and get ready. I’ll lay out some underthings for you.”

Katniss headed towards her bathroom.

“Prim, I’m not sure how long it’s been since anyone’s been down there,” Johanna quipped. “You might want to pick something that covers that jungle.”

“I’m on it,” her sister replied as Katniss was about to close the door. “Tonight, we’re just emphasizing her boobs.”

“Good luck with that,” her friend retorted.

++++++

Their dinner was going surprisingly well.

Katniss hadn’t been on a date for almost a year and she had worried over the thought as she walked over to the restaurant

That was until she saw him.

Peeta cleaned up nicely, meeting her in a dark green sweater, fitted jeans, and brown oxfords. In his hand was a single pink peony, which he held out to her after kissing her cheek in greeting.

They both settled at their table, ordering quickly (eggplant parmigiana for her and lasagna for him) before falling right into easy conversation.

Peeta’s family owned the construction company that he worked for though, he was the only family member who worked onsite besides his father. Peeta’s mother worked at the home office as the company’s administrator. He had two brothers, one of which owned his own bakery business and ran it with his wife who had been his high school sweetheart.

“I think you’d like Delly,” he told her. “She’s very down-to-earth which works out perfectly because Rye is all sorts of insane. He’s the kind of guy who will wake up in the middle of the night to make the perfect chocolate cake. Luckily enough, Delly is the kind of girl who will stay up and write out everything he’s done because he’s forgotten by morning.”

“And, your other brother?”

“Runs a small hotel upstate. It’s the perfect place for Christmas,” Peeta said. “Andy and his partner Gale turned the place into one of the top hotels to experience wintertime. It does help that they both have a great sense of style.”

“So, your brother is—”

“Gay as the day is long as he would put it.” Peeta grinned. “He and Gale have been together forever. They’re one of the most stable couples I know.” He met her eyes. “How about you?”

“I grew up about an hour out of the city. My parents were high school sweethearts, married right out of high school. Had me about a year after their wedding and four years after me, Prim was born.”

Katniss stopped for a moment, taking a long sip. This part was always the hardest to explain.

“My father passed away when I was six and Prim was two,” she continued. “My mom brought us here to the city to stay with my Uncle Haymitch while she got back on her feet and find a job. We woke up the next day after arriving at his place and she was gone.”

“Oh God, Katniss—” Peeta reached over, covering her hand with his. “—I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t feel sorry for us. It was probably the best thing she could have done for us,” Katniss told him, her voice still a little thick. She gave him a wet smile. “Feel bad for my Uncle—single guy in his prime having to take on two young girls. Did you know when I got my period, he bought five different types of pads? I know, too much information—”

“I like learning about you, Katniss,” he told her. “Every little bit I’ve learned, I like.”

“I feel the same way.”

It was true. Everything she learned about man before her had only compounded the growing feelings inside her. Peeta was breath of fresh air in her staid routine and every bit of time with him made her feel like she was slowly coming back to life.

Peeta squeezed her hand, she didn’t realize their hands were still pressed together—but she didn’t mind it.

“Go on,” he urged with an eager smile. “Tell me more.”

“When I was in sixth grade, my uncle came for a parent-teacher conference and met my teacher, Effie Trinket. A year later, he married her. She’s great, got me through those tough girl years. She and my Uncle are disgustingly in love.” She snorted, taking a long sip of water. “That’s my odd little family.”

“Have you heard from your mom?” Peeta asked curiously.

Katniss shook her head.

“I don’t have a real desire to. I’m not mad at her anymore, but I can’t say I’d be thrilled to see her again. Prim doesn’t even remember her. She calls Uncle Haymitch and Aunt Effie Mom and Dad.” She sat back, giving him an embarrassed smile. “That was more unloading than I intended for a first date.”

“Honestly, I’ve been watching you for a while,” Peeta revealed. “Finnick is sick to death of hearing me talk about the gorgeous brunette next door. That’s why he whistled at you; it was to save his ears from my own insecurities when it came to you.” His face had gone red. “I know you’re some big-time lawyer and I’m just some guy—”

Katniss shook her head. “You’re not just some guy.”

Peeta grinned. “I hope not.”

After he paid for dinner, they decided to walk to her apartment since it was a warm night.

As they strolled down the block, his hand brushed against hers before carefully grasping her fingers. Katniss took the initiative, entwining their fingers together, and Peeta turned to her, lifting her hand to press a kiss to her knuckles.

She felt the heat rise up her body, her center twisting at the feel of his rough lips to her skin. She had to wonder how those lips would feel against the rest of her body, specifically between her thighs.

It had been a long time since she had sex.

“Nice place,” Peeta said as they approached the luxury apartment complex. “I know the company that worked on them, Beetee Latier is a smart guy and I’m willing to bet that this place is very up-to-date when it comes to virtual assistance.”

“I’ve never tried it, but Johanna has said that she can tell the apartment when it’s too cold,” Katniss told him offhandedly. “And it raises the temperature according to what is comfortable.” They stop outside the entrance and she turned to him. “Thanks for dinner and the conversation.”

“Thank you for giving me a chance,” Peeta replied.

His hand reached, cupping her cheek and his thumb brush against the edge of her bottom lip before dropping to his side. Katniss felt every nerve pulsate at his touch and she had desperately fought the urge to take his thumb into her mouth to taste him.

She wanted to ask him to come up, but her need to not seem so desperate dampened her longing.

Reaching into her purse, Katniss took out her keys, giving him a shy smile. She quickly kissed him on the cheek.

“Good night, Peeta.”

His hand reached to a tendril of her hair, caressing it with his fingers as if he were trying to memorize the feel of it between them.

When Peeta met her eyes, her breath caught at the desire in his darkened blues. “Good night, Katniss.”

“Fuck it—”

Katniss snapped, her keys dropping to the ground in a loud clink, as her arms wrapped around his neck and she pulled his mouth against hers. Peeta gasped in surprise before catching himself and circling his arms around her waist to pull her close.

He tasted delicious, her tongue surrounding his as she feasted on him. Her hand reached to grasp at his hair and the moan that tumbled from his mouth cause the fire inside her to flare. She had never wanted anything or anyone as much as she wanted the feel of him against her.

His lips slid off hers, pressing to her neck, his tongue sampling her.

“What are you doing to me, Katniss Everdeen?” he asked breathlessly, the intensity of his question sending shivers through her skin.

Katniss met his eyes, her chest heaving as she felt the rapid beat of her heart.

“I’m taking you upstairs.”

So, there’s going to be a 2nd part to this. I’m having too much fun.

Yeah, I’ve been shipping Gale with the eldest brother since TWC.

#mrspeetamellark #request #constructionworker!Peeta #lawyer!Katniss #Everlark #Everlark Fanfiction #Modern AU #Rated MA #Rated E in later part

113 notes · View notes

perriewinklenerdie · 4 years

Text

History repeats itself (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

Open Heart, Ethan Ramsey x MC

A/N: Hi guys! I'm on a roll (it's that high that patients that are about to die experience right before they crash. Kinda fitting, giving the fact that I'm going to die tomorrow bc of OH, isn't it? :D), like back in the old, good days. This was a request made by a wonderfull Nonnie. Thank you so much for suggesting it! I hope you enjoy it and that I didn’t disappoint :D

This fic is part of the ESIMY series (Claire and Ethan met and got married before they started working together and that’s basically all you need to know, as the fic can be read as a separate work)

Tag list: @paleweasels, @kittykatchoices, @valiantlychaoticbarbarian, @radlovedreamer , @usuallyamazinglyaverage, @awhmilkywey @palestazure, @cordoniaqueensworld, @universallypizzataco, @princess-geek, @faithhasnowords, @mightyfangirlofthefandoms, @drakewalkerfantasy, @timmagicktoad, @laceandlula, @greywitchyshots, @llamasgrl, @gingerjane15, @bucket-harrington , @marywrites-things , @ethanplaysfavorites , @mfackenthal , @betelgeusebee , @simsvetements, @buzz-bee-buzz, @owleyes374, @cora-nova, @aworldoffandoms, @l822, @cream-ray, @ughhhxjazzy, @silverlitskies, @justendlesssummerfeels, @togetherwearerapture, @desmaranj, @edgiestwinter, @friedherringclodthing, @daisy-ashton, @waytooattuned, @choicesgremlin , @lapisreviewsstuff, @the-soot-sprite, @writerapprentice, @chasingrobbie, @choicesobsessedd, @x-kyne-x, @thisperfectmemory, @drakewalker04, @rookie-ramsey, @jlynn12273, @thepinknymph @dr-brianna-casey-valentine, @a-i-n-a-a-s-h @justanotherrookie @mvalentine @starrystarrytrouble

Enjoy! <3

-----------

Paging Dr. Ramsey to Dr. Banerji’s office.

He looked up from the article he was reading, expecting a message from his wife. They were supposed to go home soon, finishing her last day of work before she would go on maternal leave. The page didn’t read as urgent, and yet somehow, a shiver ran down his spine. He couldn’t explain it. Call it a hunch that made him abandon his work and rush through the halls of the hospital.

Naveen was waiting for him by the door, his expression gravely. The air in the room was so thick that Ethan, who was running, stopped abruptly in his tracks, feeling weight being slammed against his chest. He didn’t know what was happening yet, but it couldn’t have been anything good.

“Naveen?” he asked, walking closer, treading slowly and carefully, as though it would save him from the approaching heartbreak he could already feel. His friend sighed heavily, stepping towards to him and laying his hand on Ethan’s shoulder.

“You might want to sit down.”

“Tell me. I need to go pick Claire up from the locker room in five minutes.” He didn’t miss how his mentor’s face fell at the mention of her name, making his stomach drop in worry. “What happened?”

“Claire is being transferred to the OR as we speak.” He said, the next words being an almost exact echo of his own words years back. “She had a seizure, full eclampsia. We’re delivering the baby.”

------------

That day, from the very beginning, was a bust. Her head was pounding, slowly but surely rising and breaking through the threshold of her pain tolerance, causing her to reach out to her OB-GYN in search of any advice, along with some painkillers. Her vision was getting blurred around the sides from time to time, making it incredibly difficult to read charts or look her patients in the eye. Esme asked her about it, figuring out something was wrong when she misread the patient’s name while they were walking towards their room, but she dismissed her with a kind smile.

“That’s pregnancy for you.” she joked, seeing in her resident’s eyes that she didn’t believe her. Sighing heavily, she nodded. “Okay, it’s not typical. I- I would appreciate if you kept your eye on me today. I feel like something is about to go south and I’d like to avoid that.”

“Of course, I’ll watch you like a hawk.”

Light sensitivity came next. Supply closets were her biggest friends that day, providing with as much darkness as she wanted, blocking out any traces of light. She couldn’t barricade herself in there, no matter how much she’d want that, so she braced herself and pushed through.

She knew all those symptoms too well. She was, after all, treating her pre-eclampsia since it reared its ugly head three weeks ago. The moment she heard her diagnosis, she felt as though she has been struck by a lightning. It was the same diagnosis she gave Dolores not even three years ago.

Ethan wouldn’t survive it if this case ended the same way.

Claire was battling with herself. Should she tell him about it and let him worry about her every second of every day until she gave birth and the postpartum eclampsia was ruled out, or should she shoulder that weight on her own, treating it behind his back and praying that he’d never have to find out that the very same complication that took away his dear friend not that long ago, now threatened to take away his wife too.

She opted for something in between. There were symptoms that she couldn’t hide from him, about which they talked and she let him ask about them on their appointments. Dr. Weland, her OB-GYN, was aware of the whole situation, carefully formulating her answers for the first-time father.

It kept her up at night. She knew he would be scared, disappointed that she didn’t tell him, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. He’d lock them both up at home for the remainder of her pregnancy, with a private doctor at hand, and treat her with extra caution. But most of all, she didn’t want to see the panic in his eyes, which she knew she’d find there. He would stop sleeping, watching over her at every moment.

Dr. Weland expressed her concerns when she saw Claire that day, hence her asking Esme to keep an eye on her. It wouldn’t be wise to send her home; she would need help in case something went horribly wrong.

Three hours later, as though on cue, she felt pain in her stomach, right below her belly button. All the symptoms she’s been experiencing that day cumulated, striking her at once with double their force, bending her in half. Esme, who was just down the hall, called out her name, rushing towards her, just in time to catch her as she crashed towards the ground, her body shaking.

“She’s seizing! Page Dr. Banerji!” the resident shouted, taking care of the fallen doctor.

“What about Ramsey?” someone asked, pager in their hand.

“Do as I say!”

What happened next could only be described as a chain reaction, its magnitude that of an avalanche. Naveen was called, OR was ordered, Claire was moved onto the bed and wheeled away. The hardest was still ahead of them.

Ethan fell against the wall heavily, struggling to catch his breath. “What do you mean eclampsia? Did she have any symptoms before that? Did she know? Who found her?”

“Dr. Ortega. She probably has more answers for you than I do. Come on, we’ll talk to her and Dr. Weland.”

His every move felt as though there were two impossibly heavy bricks attached to his feet, and another three on his shoulders and his chest. Panic began rising in his chest, fighting the overwhelming urge to let the tears fall. Esme was waiting for them by the entrance to the OR, worry spelled on her face.

“Can someone tell me why my wife and my daughter are fighting for their lives in there?” he barked the question, shaking in emotional distress. Naveen placed his hand on his shoulder, asking him silently to let the doctors speak.

“She’s been not feeling well for the whole day. Asked me to keep an eye on her; she told me she felt like something was about to happen.” the youngest doctor explained, stepping away to make space for Dr. Weland.

“Claire was treating her pre-eclampsia for the past three and a half weeks. The symptoms you noticed and were asking about were all a part of it. She asked me to not tell you, hoping that she would be able to avoid developing eclampsia.”

Never before in his life had he looked up at someone so fast. “She knew? And she didn’t tell me?”

“Ethan, I know you’re angry but-“

“I’m not angry. Right now, I’m terrified, because my family is fighting for their lives and I’m here, instead of being by their side. Step aside, I’m scrubbing in.”

“No.” Naveen shook his head, pulling him aside firmly. “And you know why.”

“Move out of the way, Naveen, I’m going in there.”

“I’m going to lock you in my office if you don’t calm down. You won’t help anyone by being emotional and reckless. Breathe, son, they’re going to be alright.” Ethan’s breathing was treading on the line of hyperventilating, panic rising in his chest even more. At last, tears fell, two trails running down his cheeks. He fell into his friend’s embrace, sobbing like he hasn’t done in a very long time. Helplessness, anger at fate and at himself for not noticing it sooner. “Claire is a fighter, so are you, and so is your daughter. They’ll pull through.”

“The last time I had to give this diagnosis to a person I cared about was Dolores, and she was dead within ours. Don’t tell me to calm down.” He stumbled over his words, holding onto Naveen’s arms for dear life.

“This time will be different.”

---------------

Not even an hour passed before the surgery ended. It gave Ethan enough time to go over the last weeks, all the pieces falling together into one tragic picture. It was all there, right before his eyes. Edema on her hands and feet, which could be written off as a pregnancy symptom. Headaches plagued her quite often even before she was married, so he didn’t even bat an eye on it, maybe except for the intensity of them. Her nausea returned long after her morning sickness phase passed, but again, pregnancy manifested itself with a variety of things.

He blamed himself. After Dolores died, he thought he’d be able to see the symptoms and prevent it from getting worse, but when it mattered the most, with his own beloved wife, he failed to add two and two.

“Ethan, you can see them now. The baby is safe and healthy, Claire’s condition is under control, she’s stable and conscious.” Naveen called out for him, a small smile on his face spelled out relief.

Jumping to his feet, he ran towards them, catching the room number from a shouting Naveen, not waiting for anyone. Nurses and doctors moved out of his way, some of them knowing what happened, others having no idea but knowing better than to stand in Dr. Ramsey’s way.

The lights in the room were dimmed, curtains closed, providing privacy and peace. Ethan opened the door as quietly and gently as he could, his stare falling onto Claire immediately. She smiled at him lazily, watching his every move in anticipation. He strode towards her, sitting at the edge of the bed and taking her hand in his, rising it to his lips and kissing it, over and over again, saying silent prayers of gratitude. Tears started running down his cheeks again, wetting her skin, his shoulders shaking as he let out all the emotions.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, choking on her words, her face wet with tears too. He looked up at her, shaking his head.

“No. It’s my fault. I- I somehow attract tragedy. My Mother, Naveen, Dolores… and now you.” She looked at him confused, not understanding his reasoning at first, only seconds later did she remember his thought process, her eyes filling with horror.

“Ethan, that’s none of your fault. I won’t be sitting here, letting you blame yourself for something completely out of your control.” She grabbed him by the sides of his face, hauling him onto her, pressing their lips together and lingering there, connecting them, again and again. “Your Mother wasn’t your fault.” Kiss on the nose. “Naveen wasn’t your fault.” Kiss on the forehead. “Dolores wasn’t your fault.” She kissed both his cheeks, catching his tears. “I wasn’t your fault, and neither was she.” She cried, her voice getting thick from tears. Her head crooked towards his left, pointing towards their daughter.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” his words stabbed her like a knife that she herself was holding against her heart. She knew he’d ask, but she wasn’t prepared for it, no matter how many times she rehearsed it in her head.

“I didn’t want you to worry.” She explained after a moment, biting her lip in shame. “I thought if I can get through this and not have any complications, you’d never have to find out. Especially with how it ended for Dolores…”

“There isn’t a single thing in this world more important to me than you two. Whatever it is, however hard it gets, I want to be there for you. For both of you.”

Both of them cried silently, embracing each other as closely as they dared, refusing to let the other get away even for a mere inch. Silent comfort, not needing any words, only each other, alive and well.

The soft sound of wailing pulled them out of their little bubble, pulling their attention towards the crib by the bed. Ethan stood up, walking over to look inside, Claire peaking from her position on her bed.

A little girl was staring up at him, her eyes blue and curious. She couldn’t smile yet, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t see how at peace she was. Perfectly fine.

His whole family was perfectly fine.

“Katherine…” he muttered, running the outer edge of his index finger along his daughter’s cheek softly.

“She looks like a Katherine to you?” Claire asked, humor in her voice. He nodded, turning to his wife. “I was thinking of Isabelle.”

“We can compromise.” He embraced her, kissing her head tenderly.

“Katherine Isabelle Ramsey. Perfect.”

#open heart #ethan ramsey #mc x ethan #ethan x mc #dr. ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #mc x ethan ramsey #choices #choices fanfiction #open heart fanfiction #fic #fanfiction

138 notes · View notes

yikesharringrove · 4 years

Note

What if Billy did l leave to Cali and moved in with his old friend, the guy who was kind of his boyfriend before Neil dragged him to Hawkins. After couple of years of him living there, they would go out to a bar with Billy’s old friends and him and the guy would kinda have this fwb thing going on. But then, Billy sees Steve. The guy he had a crush on before he decided he wasn’t good enough for him and left after a night where he had finally fucked Steve senseless —

Pt. 2. Billy would be shocked to see him and before he realizes, Steve’s already coming towards their table. He has came with one of Billy’s friends, Steve being that guys date. There would be some confusion and jealousy from both of them, but they would still end up fucking after the night. (lmao i’m sorry that this is long)

This is from forever ago, I’m sorry it took me a thousand years.

It doesn’t actually have smut, bc where I went with it, it just didn’t feel like it fit, I’m sorry about that.

“Billy, we haven’t gone out in like, a month.” Billy rolled his eyes.

“We went out last weekend, you little baby.” He pushed at Danny’s face. “Git outta here you monster, and maybe I’ll consider meeting you there.”

“Kyle is bringing that guy he’s been dating.”

“And?”

“I was talking to Andie, and she said he’s totally not Kyle’s type. Apparently he’s like, super femme.” Kyle was known for going for absolute macho douchebags. “So we’ll get to meet him, and totally make fun of Kyle for whatever he’s tryna do, changin’ everything up like this.”

Billy threw his head back, groaning at the ceiling.

“Fucking fine. But if he’s an asshole, like Kyle’s guys always fucking are, I’m leaving.”

They met the rest of the gang at the bar, pushing through the small crowd to reach the large table they had claimed. Billy greeted his friends, elbowing Kyle a few times and asking where his new honey is.

“He’s getting us drinks, lay off.” Kyle shoved Billy away, made him bark a laugh. he turned around, was going to head for the bar, but stopped in his fucking tracks.

Steve fucking Harrington was making his way towards him, a drink in each hand.

He hadn’t seen Steve since the night he left Hawkins four years ago.

They had been moving towards something for months, had finally fell into one another, having a night of the most tender sex Billy has ever had in his entire fucking life. Steve had looked at him with those big perfect eyes, and had told Billy he loved him.

Billy left when Steve fell asleep, packed up his car and didn’t stop driving until he reached the Pacific.

Steve spotted him, stopping in his tracks, glaring at Billy. He stomped forward, pushing a drink into Kyle’s hand.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Everyone turned to look at Steve when he spat that at Billy.

“Meeting my friends. Why are you here, Harrington?” Steve gestured lamely at Kyle.

“You two know each other?” Kyle looked at Billy with wide eyes.

“Yeah. Remember when I lived in that shitty hick town for two years? Steve is from there.” Steve looked livid. “Good for you for getting out, Pretty Boy.”

“You’re a real piece of shit, you know that, right, Hargrove?” Everyone was watching with wide eyes as the two went back and forth, heads turning like they were watching a tennis match.

“What the fuck did I do?” Steve’s eyes seemed to crackle.

“You know what the fuck you did. You couldn’t’ve even bothered to say goodbye? Had to run away like that?”

“Wait, did you two fuck?” They both ignored Danny.

“I had to get out, Harrington. You don’t know shit about me.” Steve’s eyes narrowed. Billy admired the pretty eyeshadow on them.

“Max told me everything. I knew it all. You’re just a fucking coward that couldn’t take the fact you felt the same way.” Everybody had lost the conversation, couldn’t derive enough from the fight to figure out exactly what had happened between these two.

“I was saving you from yourself, Pretty Boy. I was always gonna leave. Better right away than let you get your hopes up.” Steve stamped his foot.

“My fucking hero.” He picked up one of the drinks he had brought, chugging it down before slamming the glass back onto the table, grabbing Kyle’s hand. “We’re dancing.” He turned to Billy. “Don’t fucking talk to me tonight.”

They disappeared back into the crowd. Billy made his way to the bar, downing two shots right after the other.

“You used to date him, or something?” Billy shook his head, not looking at Danny.

“Nah. I fucked him once and he told me he loved me. I packed up and left the next day.”

“Wait, you only fucked once and he said that?” Billy slammed another shot.

“We were friends, I guess. He had a thing for me, and I just wanted some ass.” That was a complete lie, but Danny didn’t need to know the sweet warmth that had settled in Billy’s gut when Steve said he loved him, how badly he wanted to say it back, how he had gotten scared and made the stupidest decision he had ever made.

“And then you left without saying goodbye?” Billy nodded. “That’s kinda fucked up.” Billy just stared at him.

“What?”

“You knew the guy was into you, and you just dicked him and ditched him without saying goodbye. That’s fucked, Billy.”

“I don’t need this from you. You do not understand what that fucking town was like for me.”

“No, I understand perfectly. You’re a bigger asshole than I thought.” Danny shook his head. Heading back to the table. Billy downed two more shots.

His head was fuzzy as he stumbled into the alleyway for some fresh air.

He tried a few times to light a cigarette when he heard a quiet sniffle.

He turned to see Steve leaning against a wall further down the alley.

“You okay?” Steve stiffened.

“What’s it matter to you?” Billy shrugged.

“If Kyle tried anything-”

“Oh, shut up. He dumped me because of you.” Billy took a few unbalanced steps towards him.

“‘Do you mean?”

“He asked about what happened, and I told him. How you led me on for over a year, how you would let me open up to you, let me cry and feel insecure and would tell me that I was enough the way I am, how you fucked me and ran away the next day, didn’t even bother to call or even write for four years.” Steve had silvery tears running down his cheeks now, illuminated by the streetlights. “How I waited for you, like a fucking idiot before letting myself move on.” He wiped his eyes. “God, I told myself I was done crying over you.”

“Steve, I didn’t mean to-”

“Doesn’t matter. You still did it.” Billy’s heart sank. Steve looked fucking broken in front of him.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have run like I did. Especially, especially because you’re right. I was scared of how much I felt for you. Scared that if I let myself love you, I would’ve stayed in Hawkins forever. Would’ve never gotten out from under my dad’s thumb.”

“Bill,” Billy’s heart fluttered at the way Steve’s voice sounded when he said his name like that, was immediately transported to late nights sitting in his car overlooking the quarry. “I would’ve left with you. I didn’t like it there, either. I would’ve left with you.”

“I was an idiot. Still am sometimes. But I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for dragging you into my mess. You deserve a lot better than me.” Steve took a shaky breath.

“Y’know, it still sucks. After all these years of telling myself I hate you for what you did, standing here with you, I still-I mean I could never hate you.”

“You wanna come back to my place? Nothing implied, just to talk. Catch up.” Steve chewed on his bottom lip. His lipstick was a pretty deep red.

“Sure. We can, we can catch up.”

Billy led him the few blocks back to his two-bedroom he shares with Danny. He grabbed them each a beer while Steve studied the pictures tacked to the walls.

“Are you two together?” He pointed tot the picture, one of many, of Billy and Danny at the beach, arms around one another.

“Nah. We live together, and we fuck sometimes, but neither of us would be good in a relationship together.” Steve just nodded. “You date much?”

“Not back in Hawkins. I spent about a year there after you left. Robin graduated and moved out here, and I moved into a shitty apartment in Hawkins until she finished her first year and moved out of the dorms. I live with her now. She’s helped me embrace myself more.”

Billy remembers a night when he and Steve got drunk in Steve’s bedroom, how he’d found some dresses in Steve’s closet, the way he’d broken down and cried and said that he just liked to feel pretty, that sometimes he didn’t even feel like a boy.

Billy had held him all night. Bought him some makeup from the drugstore the next day. Probably shitty stuff, but Steve had looked at it like it was made of gold.

“I’m happy for you. I’m glad you get to be yourself here.” Steve sat down next to him on the ratty couch, leaving a solid two feet of space between them.

“You seem a lot happier out here. Like, you just seem lighter.”

“I am so much happier here.” Steve’s smile was tight, a little bitter. “I just mean, without my dad here, I’ve been going to therapy, and I have this support group for queer abuse survivors, and I’m just not angry all the fucking time like I used to be.”

“I’m proud of you.”

Billy had forgotten.

He’d forgotten that Steve had this lovely way of saying something simple and making it the best thing that’s Billy’s ever heard. Making billy realize he’d never heard that simple thing said to him before.

He didn’t even think.

Just leaned across the space and kissed Steve.

he pushed him away.

“Billy, I won’t let you do this again. It took me years to get over what you did. You can’t just kiss me and think it’s all okay.”

“I’m sorry, Steve.” Steve shook his head, went to get up off the couch. Billy grabbed his wrist. “You know, I wanted to say it back that night.”

“Don’t say that.” Steve’s voice was small.

“I did. I felt that same. But I got fucking scared. And I left and I shouldn’t have.”

“Yes, you should have. We just established that you’re doing better here!”

“But I could’ve held out a little longer, long enough that you could’ve come with me.” Steve finally turned to look at him.

“Billy, you did what you had to do. I forgave you a long time ago. When I first saw you tonight I was just, it made me remember the hurt.”

“I know I hurt you. And I’m so fucking sorry.” Steve blinked at him.

“You get one chance. One more chance. Do it for real. Take me out on a date. I want the whole nine. Pick me up, tell me I’m pretty, take me somewhere inexpensive but nice, hold my hand, kiss me on my doorstep, all of it.” Billy just nodded.

“I’ll do it. I’ll do anything. Whatever you want.”

Steve smiled at him, turning over his hand to hold Billy’s.

“Then pick me up tomorrow at six. Don’t be late.”

#yikes writes #steve harrington #billy hargrove #steve harrington x billy hargrove #billy hargrove x steve harrington #harringrove #harringrove fic #harringrove ficlet #harringrove drabble #i feel like im gonna throw up im just tryna write until all my problems go away honestly

112 notes · View notes

duker42 · 4 years

Note

If you’re taking requests, a one shot where Levi and y/n’s 2-3 small children keep cock-blocking bc they’ve made a habit of crawling into their parents’ bed for a few weeks now, and while Levi is exasperated to have less alone time with y/n he’s secretly happy to have his little ones near 🥰 Thank you for all your writing, you’re one of my favorite things to look forward to each day! 💗

😍😍😍

💜Bed Mates💜

Levi sighed as he started down at the tiny sliver of bed that was left for him to lay down on. Y/N woke up and lifted her head to give him a sleepy smile, before glancing down at her bed mates.

Their twins, Farlan and Isabel had decided to sleep in their mommy and daddy’s bed for the past three weeks. Levi never realized how much that would affect his sex life.

Three weeks of having no time to make love to his wife, always too busy before their bedtime. By the time he had finished his paperwork for the evening, the brats had crawled from their own beds into his.

He sighed as he made his way into the bathroom to get ready for bed. Pretty soon he was going to drag Y/N off like a cave man to be able to get her alone. He had already caught himself eyeing the supply closet as a place he could bring her.

He begrudgingly pulled on a shirt before climbing into the bed and started moving kids over so he could have some space. He never understood why such little bodies took up so much damn room when they slept.

Isabel turned and threw her arm over him, grumbling in her sleep as she settled down again. She might not look like her namesake, but she acted just like the redheaded girl he had loved like family. He grinned as he smoothed her wild hair down and pulled her just a bit closer to him.

His kids might have cock blocked him again, but he enjoyed the fact that they wanted to be near him and Y/N. They were his world, the reason he kept fighting for a future where they could live in peace beyond the cramped walls.

He looked over at where Y/N was watching him under heavy lidded eyes. They softened for him and the kids, especially when she found them snuggled up together. He looked back at her with a quick frown. “Go back to sleep.” He whispered.

She stuck her tongue out at his commanding tone, dry even as a whisper. She then put her head back down and reached her arm out over Farlan, her hand searching for him.

His own free hand reached over Isabel and linked with hers. “I love you.” She whispered as she squeezed his hand gently.

Levi felt the burdens of the day, of their plight lift off of his chest as he and Y/N held their kids protectively between them. His own grip tightening briefly as his eyes closed.

“Love you too, all of you.”

Mobile MasterList

193 notes · View notes

honeymoonjin · 4 years

Text

day 15

“we all fucked (up)”

How ever long it might have seemed to have taken me to write my response to day 14 cannot even compare to how long it has taken me to actually work through my feelings for day 15. Because despite the heart to heart Y/N had with Jimin and Tae, the heart to heart filled with apologies and funny quips that the whole group had at the table (brownie points galore for utilizing the dining table as the setting for the scene bc it re-establishes the group’s dynamic in a communal space which the dining table symbolizes!!!) which follows with a full on closet sex scene before rounding it all off with an actual orgy, I just want to talk about the date. Here’s the issue I run into though… I loved all of those scenes I mentioned and I want to give you credit for how well you wove each of them so seamlessly into the story. They were necessary not only for the progression of the story but they were integral to the progression of character exploration. Because, let’s be real, the sex is but another tool used to break down characters in this verse.

For example, I loved the exchange shared between Hoseok and Jimin. One of the things that you did so well early on in the story was that you established that despite Jimin and Hoseok being doms who are both well versed in the industry in their own way, their opposing personalities reveal more about their own values and their preconceived notions of the world around them rather than the other way around. Yet characters who embody different perspectives aren’t enough; to truly explore their character themes, the story must find ways of testing the characters’ beliefs. Jimin’s strip scene, the incident of day 14, and the resolution at the dining table placed them in situations uniquely designed to attack their beliefs. This challenge gave both characters a chance to put their feelings and personalities on display. Similarly to Jimin being a mirror for Jungkook in Day 14, Hoseok and Jimin are constant foils for each other over the course of the story. They might never truly get along but there is an underlying implication that at the very least, they don’t hate each other. This sentiment was best encapsulated in their limited but very telling dialogue exchange throughout the chapter.

And communication is so important in this chapter. It plays a huge role during the date that Yoongi and Y/N go on. In fact, communication is the reason I have dubbed their date as ingenious. From the dialogue exchange in the car ride to the restaurant to Yoongi revealing that he was able to secure a table at his brother’s high end restaurant, there is a sense of Yoongi wanting to impress Y/N. The joke that he tells her and the tone of the dialogue he shares with her all reflects a more “polished” Min Yoongi as opposed to the guy who licked cum off Y/N’s face earlier that day. This polished tone continues in Yoongi’s desire to treat Y/N out to a luxurious night on the town over good food which just happens to be financially beneficial to him. This small fact though is telling in its own way: as a doctor, the audience understands that this is not a reflection of Yoongi’s lack of funds to pay for the meal but rather that he is not a frivolous person despite enjoying the finer things in life. Thus, treating her to such extravagance shows how much he values her opinion of the night and by extension him as a potential partner. Unfortunately, Yoongi’s well laid plans crumble under circumstance thus the two are left with a dilemma. When Y/N offers a solution, Yoongi’s willingness to go along with her suggestion shows that he not only respects and values her opinion but that they are on equal footing in their pseudo-relationship. The maturity shown in his actions continue to be one of my favorite aspects of the story and is why week after week, I find myself more and more taken with him. As the scene moves to the local “golden arches” establishment, we see that facade that Yoongi wore earlier in the night slowly melts away, leaving behind a side of Yoongi akin to the man who took care of Y/N after the intense scene they had together earlier that week – open, warm, attentive. This dichotomy reveals to the audience that the unimposing Yoongi is only ever coaxed out by Y/N when he feels like he needs to comfort her. The conversation that follows would be the second time that Y/N has confided in Yoongi that week – something she has not done so explicitly with anyone else on the show. One could argue that this could be because Yoongi is the most detached person from all of the drama on this show but that is not what their relationship dynamics imply. His ability to rationally speak about his feelings does not mean that he is detached to them; in fact, it might imply deeper feelings of connection because he knows how much he has to lose. Yoongi’s relationship with Y/N is beyond something as fickle as lust or as complicated as romance. It feels like the building blocks of a true friendship based on mutual respect, a desire for the other to share their thoughts and opinions, and deep understanding of their partner. And, at the end of the day, is there anything sexier than being truly understood?

Which brings us full circle. Yoongi and Y/N’s night begins with Yoongi questioning Y/N (and implicitly asking the audience) “[are you] ready?” This set up can have multiple implications as this could refer to the night’s event itself (which are anything but conventional) or refer to the impending elimination round which Y/N has spent the day lamenting about. Either way, I doubt anyone of us could truly be ready for what is about to happen in the coming chapters. The audience is left very much like Y/N when she was asked if she was ready: we are “as we’ll ever be.”

Thank you once again for the spectacular addition to this verse. If you can’t tell, I had an amazing time with this chapter! You delivered for me what I did not expect and I was left speechless for hours, turning the events that unfolded in this chapter over and over again. I hope you know how much I absolutely adore this series and that I cannot wait to see what you have in store for the next chapter! Thank you for all of your hard work; your magic is truly the gift that keeps on giving. 💜 Jan

---

ahhh jan i’m so happy you liked it !! as always you seem to be more introspective about my characters than sometimes even i am, and it honestly feels like the story and the characters improve as we go thanks to your thoughtful comments and analyses.

you’re totally spot on about jikook and jihope being foils for each other. criticising other people usually just reflects more on the speaker, and jimin disapproving of the way hobi plays the game just exposes how he’s started caring less about the game and more about the people himself. we start to see that it’s less of a factor of actually hating each other, but rather seeing their own flaws in an external context and not liking it.

in terms of the date, woo, you’re so right about yoongi !!!! he likes the finer things in life but isn’t wasteful or prideful about it. he’s not taking her to a nice restaurant to show off the weight of his wallet, but because he wants to treat her. so when the booking falls through, he’s happy to let yn take the lead. even if he grumbles, he’s just a gentle softie on the inside ;;-;

i love writing scenes w yn and yoongi because i feel like theirs is a more intellectual and understanding relationship. their ability to be honest with each other brings them closer on a level that yn doesn’t yet have with the others. you’re right, yoongi isn’t necessarily detached, i think he’s just more capable of being calm and reasonable and seeing the bigger picture, particularly when feelings come into play.

As for what’s in the future for our friends in the villa? We’ll have to see how elimination goes next Tuesday ;)

thank you so much jan and i hope you have a great week xxxxxxxx

19 notes · View notes

nonbinaryresource · 4 years

Note

ive been thinking abt this for a little while & have been needing to ask someone abt it. i am nb & have always considered myself trans but recently ive not been vibing with the trans label bc i am so sick of seeing ppl exclude & invalidate nb ppl. ik that i shouldnt stop doing smth just bc other ppl r being assholes but its so tiring to see ppl constantly say how u dont belong or arent valid. srry this is long & kinda rambly i just dont really know how to feel abt it

I will directly address your ask, but I’m going to start by telling you a story about my journey with identifying as asexual and queer.

When I was about 11, my friends suddenly started drooling over magazines and calling people hot, and I didn’t know what it was, but I knew I did not feel whatever it is my friends were feeling.

Until I was about 16/17, this part of me remained a mystery to me and to my friends. I never had crushes, I never found people hot, I never liked complimenting people physically, I was uncomfortable with sex on TV, and I didn’t even like platonic touch. Now my group of friends were all repressed and closeted queer folk, so I didn’t have to deal with “being left behind” as my friends dated. But the later we got into high school, the more my friends began discovering and exploring their sexualities. A freshman became a part of our friend group and was openly trans and gay. One friend came out as gay. Another as bi. They started commenting more and more about other’s looks and having crushes.

Still, there was nothing on my end. My friends used to think I was just being vague and secretive because this is what I tended to be like. I don’t think they’ve ever realized how much of it was that I truly didn’t know or understand what my lack of sexual feelings meant or that it could even mean anything. I used to just consider it a “nothingness” of myself. Until, by complete chance, I came across the term asexual. I immediately connected with it. It explained so much that I didn’t even know I needed explained.

I came out quickly after that and I was really excited and happy and proud to know who I was and what how I felt meant. My friends were great and supportive. My mom was a little ignorant but overall supportive. AVEN was great and a community for me. But if I tried to talk about it anywhere else online…

Well, the effects of how people treated me would fester for years. See, I came out as asexual before exclusionism (the specific movement of anti-aro and anti-ace erasure and gatekeeping from lgbt+ spaces) was a movement or a named thing. Yet exclusionist attitudes were exactly what I faced. My queer friends all completely accepted me as one of them and I helped co-run our school’s new GSA with the rest of them. But online, as a teen, I was facing 30+ year olds telling me I wasn’t queer and that I was just trying to seem special and that I needed to shut up about my asexuality and my experiences and that I wasn’t valid and that asexuality wasn’t a real thing and that even if asexuality was a real thing it wasn’t valid and it certainly didn’t matter.

I graduated high school and went to college and was no longer really in touch with my group of friends. I therefore completely cut myself off from any lgbt+/queer community, even though a friend invited me to join the college’s queer association. I stopped participating so much in online asexual spaces. I become wrapped up in other things.

A couple of years went by and a lot of things in my life changed. By chance, mod applications for a blog about aro and ace headcanons for a fandom I enjoyed came across my dash. I had extra time on my hands and thought I could help, so I applied and was accepted. This increased my exposure to the aspec community again and thrust me back in… just around the time exclusionism was becoming a specific and named movement of bigotry.

At the same time I resisted these ideals, I was also still hurt and unhealed from what I’d gone through as a teen. I internalized a lot of the hatred and gatekeeping. I was so hurt and so tired. I just wanted to be able to exist in peace. And people I considered myself one of were harassing me and dismissing even my biromanticism. So I struggled with my identity and my asexuality. I did not specifically become an exclusionist, but I turned my back on the lgbt+ community and spaces. I did not consider myself lgbt+ because I learned that doing so only brought pain and upset and made me feel alone and isolated. I didn’t speak a lot on exclusionism or inclusionism, but at some point I did make a plea to my fellow aspecs to just let the larger community go and be our own community and accept that maybe we could be straight. I did it out of desperation and hurt, wanting to stop feeling targeted and attacked and to stop seeing the fighting on my dash and in the tags. I just wanted us all to be happy and feel accepted and supported.

On that post, one wonderfully kind and patient person opened up a discussion with me, explaining their own hurts over exclusionism and being so damn exhausted of them and fellow aspecs being targeted and excluded and written out and not supported and feeling like they had to split their asexuality from their other queer identities and how being asexual was a part of them and how it had strongly shaped their experiences, especially with realizing and coming to terms with the other parts of their queer identity. And through their raw honesty I came to realize… I had never stopped to process the harassment I had faced and the pain and hurt that cut me so deeply.

It was a changing point for me. I realized that I had handled my pain in a bad way and had ended up lashing out at other aspecs instead of the people who were actually hurting me. I realized how much I had hurt myself and held myself back and cut myself down and dismissed parts of myself trying to fit into the box exclusionists had laid out for me, as if I could ever made them happy enough to stop harassing me and just let me exist. I cut myself down for them, but the truth is that exclusionists don’t just want aspecs “out” of the community. They want to hurt us. They want us to hurt. They want us to doubt ourselves. They want to feel strong and powerful, and they feel they can achieve this through bullying us. Perhaps some, like myself, are trying to appeal to their oppressors by pointing out another vulnerable group they could target more/instead. They are passing on hurt instead of standing up to it and so they are actually festering in hurt instead of changing anything.

Today, I am a staunch inclusionist. I understand myself and the issues aspecs face much better. I am a more compassionate person regarding the confusion and upset aros and aces have over their identity and their place in the world. I feel more stable and confident regarding my identity as an asexual - and now as an aromantic - queer person who is lgbt+.

But it was a long, hard, difficult journey to get here. It was full of a lot of turmoil. I wish I would have had a happier journey where I felt more supported and accepted, and I hope I can help provide more stability and support for future generations to not have to go through what I did.

My point (or one among a few, anyway) is that I deeply and personally understand how you are feeling and the decision facing you now. As someone who went through a very similar experience, my advice to you is to take care of yourself and to prioritize your mental health.

It’s okay if you can’t handle identifying as trans right now. Maybe you do need some space from the label (and definitely from the hatred and gatekeeping). Maybe you need to pull back from certain communities or blogs or discussions.

However, I will say that not identifying as trans may not bring the peace you desire. It may end up making you feel even more isolated. Not identifying as LGBT+ certainly didn’t help me. It was reactionary and it only made me feel like there were less spaces for me. That said, you may find peace in this. But I think the bigger action to take is to separate yourself from those who are saying harmful things more than to separate yourself from a label you feel really suits you. Use your block button liberally. Don’t force yourself to partake in spaces where gatekeeping is allowed or encouraged. Follow and listen to more people who are inclusive.

I think burnout like this is unfortunately pretty common. You do not have to force yourself to face this hatred or exhaustion because you think it’s the right thing to do. It’s okay to pull back and just take care of yourself. Just work on some self-care. Work on building up a community of people around you who don’t resort to bigotry and hatred and exorsexism and gatekeeping and identity policing. Engage only with what you can actually, honestly handle.

We will confront and move past this bigotry only by acting as a united front. The responsibility for improving things isn’t on any one person’s shoulders. And no one needs to be on the front lines 100% of the time, especially at the cost of their own wellbeing. Take care of yourself and rest now before you completely burn out and break down.

You do not have anything to prove, okay? I have both hope and faith that there is a lot more to your journey - a lot more good things and a lot more happiness and belonging. Take whatever time it is you need to help heal yourself and recover from the hurt and harassment that’s been plaguing you. You are important and you matter, much moreso than whatever label you use at whatever point in time. It will be okay.

I am here for you.

~Pluto

#mod pluto #validation #exorsexism #gatekeeping #exclusionism #long post #identity policing #self care #identity #coping #queer #lgbt #mod tera #anonymous #ask #answered #asked #nonbinary

28 notes · View notes

villanevest · 5 years

Note

you know what the ke fandom needs more of? more AU fic. like gimme some chaotic college au or coffee shop au or neighbors au

U are so right. Honestly hit me with ur suggestions.

I didn’t want to leave you waiting until any suggestions came in or my brain started working so here’s my totally lame, unsolicited and rushed dot-point take on a Villaneve in the film industry:

- Villanelle is a notoriously bratty but EXTREMELY talented actress

- like she’s a total costume thief and honestly kind of difficult to handle on set if Konstantin (her manager) isn’t around

- but she’s also a one-take wonder when she wants to be, she can just turn on the character, bam, nail it, then go back to the Kraft table and hoard doughnuts

- she starts out doing short films and indies and then swans right into big pictures in that way that almost NOBODY does, but she does

- it’s never occurred to Villanelle that everything wouldn’t fall into place for her, and it’s almost like through sheer force of confidence that it actually does.. people just don’t question her because she’s so obviously got It

- she’s all over the place, doing the most eclectic projects, bouncing from superhero flicks to deep dramas

- she’s a magazine darling bc she has the wildest fashion sense, but in interviews she’s chatty and conspiratorial and funny in this way that means you don’t really notice she hasn’t actually told you anything real about her until much later

- anyway Villanelle wraps the last block for her latest movie and then she’s herded off to London to do a music video with Sebastian, who she’s really not that fond of (she doesnt even listen to his songs)

- but Konstantin’s management group also reps him so she’s bribed into it

- Eve is a director (and aspiring screenwriter), and she’s good, she’s really fucking good, but she’s mostly stuck doing music videos that she’s not all that interested in because her boss Frank won’t cut her a break

- he always promises that “after this next one” he’ll send her through to one of his television buddies, but he never does

- “oh Eve, you’re too good here, just let it go”

- in her spare time, Eve’s writing a TV series, and it’s Ready, and having something she’s happy with and passionate about just makes the sets she’s on seem even more stagnant

- Kenny, an AD she’s had on a couple of projects (who is Very Supportive of her show idea), is the son of Carolyn Martens, who is like THE head of creative development at a huge production company

- and he manages to accidentally-on-purpose get them to run into each other so Eve has a few minutes to pitch

- and Carolyn tells Eve she likes her idea, but it’s kind of off-beat, really fresh in that shiny-new way that makes dusty dinosaur investors uncertain about profit margins

- like maybe it’s Too New, too much of a gamble

- but she says if Eve can find a way to make it more of a sure thing then she is IN

- so then Eve is directing the music video of this (honestly kinda basic) dude singer and this famous actress chick is gonna be in it

- Hugo their sound guy is Hype to meet her

- but Elena is like “yeah I’ve heard she’s a Problem” so Eve is all okay, Here We Go

- and then she sees Villanelle and there’s this whole stretched moment of just seeing her

- and then she remembers hey she saw this woman once in an arthouse film and she was incredible

- and obv That’s why her heart is doing That

- Eve just admires talent when she sees it, okay??

- and Villanelle as always goes from zero to a hundred

- like she can barely be bothered to be there but then she sees Eve and it’s Wow I Can’t Believe Music Videos Are My Actual Passion

- and yes Villanelle’s beyond into it but she’s also an ass, and like, what’s she going to do, NOT try to drive Eve up the wall? As if

- she Has to know what Eve looks like flustered

- has to know if Villanelle can fluster her into dragging her into some props closet and tearing her clothes off

- so from Eve’s side

- Elena’s sources from wardrobe departments across the country were not kidding

- Villanelle is a total nightmare

- but also not

- like every time Eve tells her to do or try something she always pushes back, has to ask fifty But Why questions

- it’s impossible to stay frustrated with her though bc once she’s on board she absolutely brings it, will keep going until she’s got it perfect

- and then once Eve can see she’s got that to work with she starts trying to really push too, to see what she can get out of her

- but… It’s a music video, not an Academy contender, so they get caught up in this “well how about this” back and forth until Kenny’s like… Uh Eve remember we only have like five days to shoot this whole thing

- Elena thinks it’s funny because there’s going to be a HUGE disparity between Sebastian’s fumbling help-I’m-just-here-to-sing acting and Villanelle’s totally committed nuanced performance

- then suddenly they’re done, and it’s been this total blur and Eve is kind of on a high from it because it’s the closest she’s come in so long to being able to make something she’s actually engaged with, that means something

- and she’s not willing to trudge back to Basic Town so she bites the bullet and just goes for it, like Fuck Frank

- and yeah Sebastian is … A little ordinary… But he’s commercially successful and has a pull with the 18-35s, so Eve approaches him after they’ve wrapped

- she pitches him being the featured artist on the soundtrack of her TV show

- he gets exposure, she gets his brand

- it’s not ideal – his isn’t the image that’d be her first choice to tie with her series, it’s not really the same vibe – but she’s not going to wait for Carolyn to forget about her

- and Sebastian says he’d like to help her, but he’d have to check with his managers, and what about his tour schedule, and does she need original music, and um –

- and then Villanelle’s all “oh I couldn’t help but overhear… You know, Eve, I’m looking to get into TV”

- Eve goes, “you are?”

- well she is nOW

- nevermind she’s turned down a dozen offers over the last few years to focus on her film career

- but her film career is going great

- and none of it is as FUN as winding Eve up this last week has been, and this was only a shitty music video

- a TV shoot would be a few months, would give them both so much more time and space to see what’s the best (and worst) they can really bring out in each other

- and Eve’s a bit lost

- because Villanelle is the It Girl du jour

- and Eve’s show hasn’t even been officially optioned but here’s all the free publicity she could want

- and she never bothered to consider it before but actually, Villanelle would be completely perfect for the lead

- perfect

- and now Eve’s thought about it it’s all coming together and she doesn’t want to let go of it again

- (and working with Villanelle some more wouldn’t suck, honestly, not completely)

- (might actually be – well)

- “are you for real?”

- “so for real,” and Villanelle’s drawling, eyebrow raised, almost smirking, but Eve can tell she’s serious

- oh this is so far above and beyond what Carolyn needed

- and that’s the start of it all

#killing eve #villanevest #ke #villaneve #villanelle #eve polastri #mine #villanelle x eve #eve x villanelle #villanevest writes #villaneve fic #villaneve au #saltandsunscreen

418 notes · View notes

mothmansfriend · 5 years

Text

when i’m sad oh god i’m sad (pt. 2)

link to pt. 1

follows a very similar timeline to @tearxofink‘s fic Rules for a Functioning Alcoholic but will prob have differences (such as no established relationships) and takes place in @illogicallyinclined‘s hockey au after the mention of Remus possibly having undiagnosed bipolar disorder

update: i think its important to acknowledge roughly where this takes place in the big timeline bc D doesn’t really drink past freshman yr in this AU because of self preservation and trauma, alcoholism was more an issue before then in high school (when remus and d were Rowdy Boys) but the stress of Logan’s concussion lead to some heavy drinking that was caught quickly by Virgil because Remus Cannot Keep Secrets.

summary: Remus has undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder and is dealing with a severe depressive episode in the aftermath of realizing that binge drinking with D wasn’t just his own search to Feel Something, but was also D’s relapse into alcoholism. Remus comes to the realization of lost time during manic episodes and refuses help.

tw: graphic descriptions of a depressive episode, self harm (burning), suicidal thoughts, and suicidal intent (but not attempt). unhealthy coping mechanisms, alcohol abuse, mentioned alcoholism, undiagnosed mental illness, miscommunications on shared trauma, ask to tag if i missed any.

There are a number of places that are simply uncomfortable to sleep. Barely sitting up and using the chairs provided by the previous tenants as a pillow is certainly one of them. It takes Remus a moment to identify what woke him up as there's another round of knocking on his door and he doesn’t want to respond. It’s bright out,the sun is blocked from his figure by the curtains covering most of the windows. He hears Roman’s muffled voice as the locked doorknob jiggles, “See? I told you he’s not here, Virge. There’s nothing to be worried about, if he doesn’t show up by tomorrow I’ll go look for him. You know how he is”.

Their footsteps move away and Virgil speaks, “Can you text him? I’m just worried, Thomas said that-” his voice fades as they enter the kitchen.

Remus can barely pick himself off the floor before his phone lit up with a notification.

the shittier twin: You good? LMK when you’re coming home, Virgil is lowkey freaking out (received: 10:14)

He stares at the words willing his brain to focus as he decides, maybe he should reply.

He sends a photo of a fat pigeon he took outside a club him and D got kicked out of a few weeks ago. It would be clear that the picture was taken at a different time, but does get message of ‘I’m alive’ across. Which is about as much as Remus is willing to communicate to people that haven’t even tried to contact him before now. How sad is it that his twin brother didn’t even check on him until six days later. Or maybe he should be asking if it’s sad that after four days Roman still hasn’t noticed that he’s home, or that it took Roman six to even ask? Remus spends all this time in the theatre and in the arts studio, and still Roman was the only one to ask, though at the request of someone who wants to get mad at him. He considers if maybe that he is a bad person, and that isn’t something he normally would care about, but if he weren’t then people might have checked on him. He usually hangs out with D almost everyday and he swears he’s never been gone more than maybe four days. But no one else seems concerned at all.

He considers reasons why this might be and gets stuck on Roman’s comment that he hasn’t been gone that long, and the implications then of him being gone longer. Things that don’t really make sense, but he knows losing your train of thought and getting distracted is a part of ADHD, but maybe, this is much more concerning. How does he know that he’s only ever been gone so long, maybe those lapses are more than a few minutes of zoning out. Which leads to, does Remus know who he is during these lapses? The contrast between the two prince twins have always been clear in their behaviour, Roman who follows every word their parents whisper in his ear. The boy grew up to be an actor after years of who takes any command without thought at that chance to be on top, and revelled in praise. It’s the cowards way of survival, are you really living if you’re not you? He knows Roman wasn’t quite loving that, but he still complied. Remus has always known exactly who he is and who he always will be. But the uncertainty of who he is in those spaces that seem to be taking up more and more space, maybe he;s been following someones script too?

He’s constantly changing his mind and forgetting where he is, are his feelings his? If everything the thought he knew about himself is slipping through his fingers like sand in an hourglass than how does he make it stop?

—

Virgil slides into the recently empty chair next to Roman the second Patton gets up to ask the waitress for another round of coffee, he steals one of Roman’s sausages and speaks, “By the way, I’m catching a ride to your place with you and D”.

Roman squawks at the sausage thief, “Why? I already told you Remus isn’t home!”

Virgil rolls his eyes, “Yeah I know, just humour me. I went to talk to Joan before we left and Thomas said Remus texted to apologize for missing practice, he’s never done that before! I just wanna come check, you can make fun of me later or whatever.”

“Fine, whatever, I know you’d just show up anyway. I don’t think him texting Thomas means anything though, even if it is weird.”

“Well we can agree to disagree then.”

—

The entry to the apartment the Prince twins share with D was just as full of banter as expected. D and Roman irritating Virgil without effort but Virgil matching that with his own comebacks and determination to check on Remus. “Alright, Emo Knightmare, let’s go knock on his cave door so I can know you again, that he isn’t home” Roman drops his bag next to the couch and heads down the shared hallway of D, Remus, and the storage closet. D walks past him with comments of a essay due tomorrow and disappears. Roman walks down and knocks on the door sternly once maintaining eye contact with Virgil knowing there will not be a response. Virgil follows him and he knocks again after a moment and jiggles the knocked door handle. “See? I told you he’s not here, Virge. There’s nothing to be worried about, if he doesn’t show up by tomorrow I’ll go look for him. You know how he is.” Roman turns and leads them back out into the living room towards the kitchen.

Virgil pauses for a moment watching the door before he follows, “Can you text him? I’m just worried, Thomas said that he actually texted to apologize for not showing up today. You know when Remus is out he never remembers to charge his phone, it just seems weird.”

Roman exhales and wordlessly pulls out his phone shooting off a text to his twin before pulling some leftovers out of the fridge to offer to Virgil despite the fact they had eaten not long ago. Virgil accepts and he puts it on two plates for the microwave. Roman’s phone vibrates on the counter with a text. The emo leans over to read and snorts, “Wait, is Remus’s name actually ‘the shittier twin’ in your phone? He just send a picture of what appears to be an obese pigeon, that doesn’t answer my question at all!”

Roman shrugs, “Of course it is, and yeah that sounds about right, it’s like he’s trying to communicate through hieroglyphics, he’s just telling us he’s fine.”

Virgil’s dark eyes examine Roman’s face for any reflection that he’s just trying to make him stop bothering him with his concern, but when he sees nothing he drops his defensiveness, “Yeah, okay, he’s your brother, he’s kind of like a cat I guess. He always comes home right?”

The microwave beeps and Roman slides the extra plate in front of Virgil, “Exactly, he’s just like this, I’ll text you when he comes back. You don’t need to worry about it, Virge.”

Virgil shoots him a small smile before taking his plate to the couch closely followed by the oldest Prince twin as they settle down with Netflix until they need to leave for their respective classes.

—

Roman blearily wipes his eyes as he wakes up in his dark room and rolls over to check the time. 2:34am wake up and bathroom break time. He briefly considers just rolling over and waiting four or five hours until he needs to get up for class, but decides there’s just a higher chance of getting a restless sleep the rest of the night. The hockey captain rolls out of bed standing in his room shirtless and only wearing a random pair of soft sleep pants and stumbles out of his room, crossing the living room and entry way he’s about to try the handle of the dark bathroom door when it opens to reveal a tall dark figure.

Roman jumps back with an admittedly embarrassing squawk before recognizing the dark figure to be a freshly showered, exhausted, and almost weak looking Remus. The two stood in silence for a moment, Remus not even reacting to the sight of his brother. Roman awkwardly laughed for a moment, “Holy shit, Remus! I didn't even realize you were home.”

Remus stares emptily, moving to walk away without replying, Roman stops him with a hand on his shoulder, “Are you like, uh, okay? You kind of look like shit”

That was clearly the wrong thing to say as suddenly Remus’s face hardens into a snarl, “Oh fuck you, Roman.” His voice cracks halfway through but it doesn’t do anything to diminish the venom in his voice, “Don’t fucking touch me.”

“Christ! If you’re going to be an asshole then nevermind, I just wanted to check up on you. You know, like a concerned brother just might do?” Roman fires back suddenly feeling defensive. The tone of voice Remus uses almost sounds scared to him but he doesn’t have the energy to pry at Remus in the hallway less than 6 feet from D’s door at 2:30am.

“You don’t get to play any kind of concerned brother role right now! You don’t just get to decide to be concerned one day, it’s all about appearances with you, I dont fuck with that!” Remus’s voice raises as he gets more and more riled up, his voice sounds like shit as if he hasn’t used it in days, “Tell me when you think I got home, Princey, huh? You don't know shit about me and it’s time you stopped asking like you do.” He steps towards Roman edging back down the hallway to the living room.

“Why am I supposed to know when you got home?” Roman fires back, “You’re an adult! You’ve taken care of yourself fine for years, I’m not your parent I don’t need to know where you are twenty-four-fucking-seven!”

Vaguely, Roman hears D’s bedroom door open and feels brief regret that was smashed by Remus shoving him backwards. “You don’t need to know! But, did you ever think to wonder? Did you ever once care enough to ask? No! I don’t remember ever being gone more than three or four days.”

Roman recoils for a second in confusion but counters standing his ground, “What does that fucking mean? You own a calendar, a phone, you should know your average in the last year has been like five to seven days, you can’t blame me that you decide to go on a bender every 6 months or less. Can’t you ever grow up?”

“It means I don’t know where I was for two to four of those days at least! You self absorbed prick! Fuck!” Remus crumples for a second, his facial expression looks so, lost. He violently grabs and tugs on his still damp hair. He stands back up face guarded once again. “I know I never go out without a plan, I have paid some fucking terrible prices for that that you never need to know about. But, you’re telling me that I was out there and I don’t remember it? And no one thought to mention anything to me? And you’re asking if I’m ‘okay’? Fuck that, fuck you. I’m going back to my room, and ideally I’ll fucking rot and die before I have to look at you again,” Remus seethes before turning and slamming his door without waiting for a response.

Roman sags at his brothers exiting remarks, making tentative eye contact with D who waits in the dark hallway. “I don’t know what to do,” Roman says quietly.

D moves towards him moving them to the couch offering a comforting touch to the remaining twin, “Roman, I cannot tell you that I have any idea about what just happened. But, it seems like he just wants you to be there for him, in his own weird displays of affection he does love you and I think maybe he’s scared sometimes that you don’t care for him, and he lashes out. But right now, you need to go back to sleep so you can go to your boring nine am lecture, and I’ll try to spend time with him tomorrow. Sound good?”

Roman examines D, letting himself feel vulnerable for a moment but trusts that D knows what to do. He’s known the twins since high school, if anyone knew it would be him. “Thank you, D” Roman whispers, leaning into the little affection for a moment before he stands up and moves them back down the hallway.

Roman goes to the bathroom as originally planned but thinks about the things his younger brother had said. How much is he missing? What does it mean for Remus to simply not remember days at a time? Is it because of drinking too much or something else?

As Roman tucks himself back into bed, preparing himself for the restless sleep he had been trying to avoid. His mind wanders, and he can’t help but think that maybe he should be questioning blood stains on Remus’s carpet a little more.

#sanders sides angst #sanders sides #remus sanders #hockey au #university au #creativitwins #roman sanders #virgil sanders #remus prince #roman prince #virgil fosc #bipolar disorder

24 notes · View notes

akaspiderman · 5 years

Text

oblivious ☆ part two

pairing: peter parker x female!reader

word count: 2.3k

warnings: swearing ??

plot: (Y/N) could not make it anymore obvious, she was dropping Peter hints like crazy. Despite being insanely intelligent, Peter is the most obvious person ever.

A/N: catch part one here bc it wouldn’t let me post it at once

Her phone dings before she can contemplate the pros and cons of telling him. ‘Hey can you come over? I need help’ is on the lock screen from the one and only Peter.

(y/n): Sure, what’s up?

P: Cecilia invited me to a family dinner and idk what to wear

(y/n): Isn’t this early to be meeting her family?

P: idk, but she said that it was with her aunt and she always asks if she’s seeing someone. She said it would shut her up for a while.

(y/n) was baffled to say the least, sure ice skating was one thing but the fact that he’s meeting her family was shocking. She was just expecting Peter to take it slow, not jump right into it. It was nice having her heart stabbed.

P: Are you coming?

(y/n): Yeah

She rolls of the couch into her bedroom. She tries to look more presentable by switching sweatpants for jeans. She then decides to change into a silky top just for the hell of it and throws a coat over top. Was she trying to look better and hope Peter all of a sudden sees her in a different light? Undoubtly, yes.

The problem was, (y/n) knew she shouldn’t be hung up on this. It was her fault for not being straightforward to Peter. She was the one who chickened out of asking him out, she should forget and move on, that was logical. In her heart however, it just didn’t feel right, watching him go on dates with someone else. (y/n) wanted to be happy for Peter, she truly did. But the voice in her head is screaming at her for not fixing this.

When she arrives, Peter answers the door. His brown hair untidy, he was wearing a midtown hoodie and some sweats. He was smiling, before letting her in, “Hey, glad you came.”

“Yeah, didn’t have any plans,” (y/n) mutters.

Peter leads her into his room, and it was in terrible condition. Clothes were all over the ground and spread out on his bed, he usually didn’t care that much for looks.

“I have no idea what to wear,” Peter states. Arms crossed against his chest, looking around the room.

“Is it fancy?”

“She said it was a nicer place, but not like super over the top.”

(y/n) takes a seat on his bed, inspecting the closet. “Any ideas so far?”

“No, at first I was going to go in a suit.”

She gives a dissapproving look to Peter.

“Yeah that’s what I thought,” Peter continues, “But I don’t know if I’m underdressing now.”

This was worst than she thought. Cecilia had Peter questioning what to wear, Peter who didn’t care how he dressed at school. He was so into her, it broke (y/n)’s heart all over again. This was stupid, she shouldn’t have came. She should have made up a crappy excuse and continued to mope at her house. Now, she’s face to face with Peter about to scream at him for being so stupid. She was right here along, she just wanted to tell him that maybe he should consider someone else, maybe someone who was in this room with him.

“What about a button-up?” (y/n) whispers, her voice going soft.

“Are you sure? That’s pretty fancy too,” Peter pulls out some button up options as (y/n) suggested.

She should tell him right now, it was in the early stages of the relationship. It wouldn’t hurt him that bad, he was just getting to know her. If she told him now, maybe it would be okay. She can’t ignore her feelings for him like she thought she could. She wanted to explode everytime he talked.

“How about a green one?” Peter holds the top to his chest, raising an eyebrow.

She was off in space now, thinking about him too much. Thinking about what she should say to him, thinking about how she can break the news. That she wanted him, she wanted him so badly and he’s so stupid for not seeing that. It would be so easy to fix it all.

“(y/n)? Hello?” Peter waves the shirt in front of her face.

“Do you like her? Like a lot?” that was all she could manage to say.

“Cecilia? Yeah, she’s nice and gorgeous,” Peters face flushing.

(y/n) bit her lip, god she’s so stupid. She didn’t cry about this at all yet, she never justified this situation enough to let herself. Crying over boys is stupid is what she told herself, that he wasn’t worth the tears. But maybe the combination of helping him get ready for a date while she was still interested was too much for her to handle. Don’t do it, don’t do it, her mind chanted. She was going to burst and she refuses to do it here, not when Peter was thrilled to be picking out clothes.

“Are you okay?” Peters voice becoming lighter, he drops the hanger and crouches down to be on the same eye level as (y/n), clearly seeing the tears that were threatening to fall.

She inhaled sharply, god she was gonna cry. She hated that sentence, it always made her cry. It triggers everything, and now tears were escaping her eyes. This was stupid, she shouldn’t be hurt by this. She had no right to cry, but Peter had to go on and steal her heart.

“(y/n)?”

“I have to go,” and (y/n) stands up reaching for the door, when Peter grabs her wrist. She tries to pull away, but Peter keeps a firm hand on her. “Peter, please.”

“I’m not letting you go when you’re crying,” Peter tighetens his grip when (y/n) tries to tug free.

“It’s stupid,” her voice cracks. She wasn’t wrong, it was stupid to tell Peter. He was already smitten by Cecilia.

“It’s probably not, we can choose an outfit later.”

God how stupid he can be. That ‘choose an outfit’ line sends her over the edge, the tears she was kind of holding back fall down rapidly. (y/n) tries to keep her sobbing in, this was embarrassing. How could she cry right now? Of all the times she can have a breakdown about this, it’s in front of Peter.

Peter pulls her in for a hug. He wraps his arms around her, his hand on the back of her head. (y/n) was whimpering into his shoulder, letting her tears dampen his shirt. She gives it five seconds, then she shoves him away. Pushing him away, reaching for the door again. Peter reacts too fast, blocking the door right away. Everytime (y/n) made a move, he was intercepting her arm.

“You’re - youre, so st-stupid,” she says struggling to put words together.

“What?” His face was a mixture of hurt and confusion.

“C-can I g-go?”

Peter steps to the side, letting her open the door. Peter trails behind her, “Look, what’s wrong I won’t judge you?”

She spins around, Peter nearly running into her. The tears were more steady now, but she was enraged now more than sad. How could he be so stupid, he was one of the brightest students in school and he still could not see her feelings for him? She made it so obvious, so clear. But he couldn’t tell that she was falling in love with him. He was blind to the fact that she loved his nerd jokes and watched all the Star War movies because he told her too. He didn’t get that she always complimented him and how she would always make time for him when he needed her, even now when he was on his way to a date with someone that’s not her.

“For gods sake Peter, I like you,” (y/n)’s voice raises, but still cracking as she says it. Even her rage couldn’t disguise her remorse.

“W-what?”

“You’re the biggest idiot on the entire planet. I made it so clear, I kept flirting with you! It was so obvious. You didn’t even notice and I liked you for so long. Seventh grade Peter, the seventh grade. Then all of the sudden you’re dating some random girl you’ve never mentioned to me. You’re meeting her family already. You never even told me you liked her. Do you know how embarrassing that it is flirting with you when you weren’t even the slightest bit interested? I didn’t want to say anything because you’re so smiley when you talk about it, I didn’t want to hurt you. On top of that, Ned and MJ knew for months though, they knew your little crush. That part just hurt me in a friend way, knowing that you could tell them but not me,” (y/n) was breathing shakily, but her eyes were fierce. She felt a big weight lift off her shoulders, she confessed. She did it. “I like you Peter Benjamin Parker,” this time her voice was gentle.

Peter stood there dumbfounded with this information, this was the least he expected from her. It never occurred that compliments meant something more. Maybe he was stupid.

He took too long to form a response, because her hand was opening the front door. He stood there in place, this was too much to take in. She spilled her guts out to him, but he didn’t even react. He was just frozen in place, that was just plain insulting and infuriating. She told him what she felt, he couldn’t even bother to tell her if he felt the same way.

Before she closes the door, she looks behind her shoulder, tears still steaming down, “I always liked it when you wore that red flannel buttoned up with your favorite jeans.” Then, she’s gone.

(y/n) formulates how to stay away from Peter forever plan the second she’s out the door. There was no way she could face him after all of that, she was so ashamed of the way it went. He just stood there, and just like that all her hope was completely crushed along with her heart. She dreads the fact that she has to walk home with her eyes all puffy and her obnoxious gasping for air, but she refuses to stay inside that building. So she sucks it up and faces the streets. Some faces judge her, but most people pretend that she didn’t get her heart crushed.

(y/n) was zoning out, letting her take in the predicament she was in. She couldn’t tell if she was bitter or hurt, probably a combination of both. Then someone grabs her arm. Panic runs though her, and she turns slapping the person.

The person stumbles back, holding his cheek. That’s when she sees him. Peter stroking his cheek, he was in the exact outfit she suggested.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” she gushes out, reaching towards him before she stops herself.

“No, it’s fine,” he brushes it off. (y/n) already spun away, walking the path back to her apartment. He jogs to catch up, grabbing her arm once again. This time she dosen’t hit him, rather she tries to yank her hand away. “Look, we need to talk.”

“Well it seemed like you had plenty to say earlier,” she scoffs, looking to face him. She wants to run away from him, but she couldn’t. Her feet were planted onto the sidewalk.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, “I was just, just surprised. I, um, wanted to tell you that I’m stupid. I should have noticed and I dont want to hurt you like that. You’re one of my best friends.”

(y/n) lets out a soft sob, best friend. Stupid. She would never be more than that to him, heck she was the least important best friend, he told Ned and MJ ages before he told her about Cecilia.

“I want to try it, dating you. I used to like you actually,” Peter adds on.

She could almost laugh, try it? “I don’t want you to date me out of pity Peter,” she tugs again at her arm with no success. When did Peter get such a solid grip she wonders. She also questions why she denied him, this was what she wanted. She didn’t want him to only be with her because she broke down, it wouldn’t be right. She wanted him to date her because he genuinely sees her that way.

“It’s not like that. I don’t know if you heard, but I used to like you. I got over it because you were way out of my league and I didn’t want to get my hopes up. But then you tell me that you like me and I realize that I still do like you. I want to be with you, it’s not because you’re guilt tripping me,” he explains to her. His eyes were pleading that she would take a chance on him again. “I didn’t react right away because I’m stupid and needed time to construct a response.”

(y/n) almost let’s herself smile, “What about Cecilia?”

“I canceled on her.”

“Peter!” she hits his arm, she may want Peter but he doesn’t have to ditch Cecilia on a date.

“I know, I know. I texted her saying that I was sorry and how I don’t think this will work out for us. She said it way okay and that she didn’t feel any special connection either. I think we were both just happy to go out on a date that we both ignored that we had no chemistry. So it’s okay, and if it isn’t, I’ll deal with the backlash.”

(y/n) wipes the tears away, she finally relaxes, this was it.

Peter slides his hand from her wrist into her hand, intertwining their fingers. He was beyond nervous, his heart racing faster just like hers. “Let me walk you home.”

☆ I was going to end it with her storming out but i decided to be nice sksksks ☆

tags: @choke-me-sweet-pea @tomspeteb @bluelalal @marvellouspengwing @lou-la-lou @tomshufflepuff @acciogryffindor @sassybisquit @iamsatansoul @buckysjuicyplums @its-a-mess-here @polaristrange @wishingforahome @jasmino2001 @winchesters-and-janeways @dudewherearethepeaches

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker imagines #peter parker oneshot #peter parker one shot #peter parker oneshots #peter parker one shots #tom holland #marvel #spiderman #marvel imagine #marvel imagines #marvel x reader #spiderman x reader #spiderman oneshot #spiderman one shot #spiderman imagine

248 notes · View notes