#idk if that's the answer you expected but im feeling really sensitive today

[hangmanblog450]

[Personal safety blog.]

Two days ago, I had something good happen to me. I saw a woman buying gas with her dog and it really affected me positively. Like; I'll remember it. It'll be important to me for the rest of my life. It'll always matter, it just personally affected me in a positive way. I'd try to thank her in some way if I could. I guess it's nothing to hold oneself at fault for if you can't summon the ability to thank someone for something like that so I'll just say it made my world a little better. Maybe I'm just stealing a certain feeling that was meant for someone else. I'm weird like that. Like, I'm the kind of person who likes being alone, searching for things, idk, guess it may have been because it was right before July 4th. It triggered a feeling of nostalgia.

There's a "help wanted" sign on the door of the gas station. I keep going back to that day in my memory; thinking about it like I'm holding a sea shell to my ear. It quiet's the listless chatter. I got stalled in my driveway today; must of been a church letting out. I wish i could get help with my car. What happened that day; July 2nd; it helped my mind. I wish i could go back to that feeling. It feels like I took something for granted here. It's one of those things that makes me tilt my head and say "huh". It's good for people to see that kind of thing. It feels like i let it get fragmented in my mind; Like I didn't save all the things that happened and i let it get forgotten. It makes me think of my grandfather in a way. I never had one growing up so i wonder sometimes rather or not that effected how my personality turned out; sorta' like how never having attended a wedding may have. How he saved up the corners in his liquor bottles and added them up to make enough to fill a glass when he was hard up.

Saw a librarian at the gas station a while back, too, odd. I've been alone this whole time; I was so afraid of hurting their feelings I hurt my own.

It made me feel young again but in a bad way. It led to a sketchy feeling. It made me feel rewarded, and that's saying something because im not the sort of person who expects instant rewards. It's really hard to remember every little thing about it. And it's sensitive to recapture the feeling it led to. It's just sensitive. That's the only word i can think of to describe it. Sensitive; it's such a modern word.. And it's sensitive to believe some of the things that result from social media reactions. It's hard to except how seriously people take themselves on there. "How dare they send me a friend request." "That's what it's there for." Sensitive, like an animal. Sensitive feelings. Things here lately aren't easy for me. It's scary walking out my door because of how often my car breaks down. It's something most people don't have to worry about; especially people who live in gated communities. My car is my monster. It fails me and it's led to some terrifying walks home. And that is difficult for me. I tell myself it's ok, that it's just about nullification and coordination, but, It's sensitive.

Shit, sympathy, syphilis. You shouldn't give people the satisfaction of a reply. Melodrama..like Vic off Young & the Restless; Ann off Days of Our Lives; Ashley off As The World Turns. Idk; you wanna' do i you gonna' do it; You Don't Wanna' Do It You Ain't Gonna' Do It. Forging for something to eat mentally, and just cause i don't get stone cold homosexual on some motherfucker straight off the get-go doesn't mean i don't care..

Also in response to a post i saw about someone saying women should just stop having sex if they don't want babies and men not being able to except no for an answer i just want to say i haven't asked anyone for that recently so i don't know what to say. I mean infants; you just spend two and a half years teaching them how to speak English, sugaring them up, and then you spend the rest of your life trying to get them to shut up. Unless you like your kids, which some people do. I just like searching for things, and being alone. I've seen some hard arguments result from custody battles so i guess ill just back off the topic. I think most women just want a blow-up doll anyway. "Inflating your self-esteem endlessly? Sheiiiiiiiiiit ill just pull the rug out from under your ass and go back to being mean."

These next few years could be hard for me. At least something nice happened the other day. Something calm, for a change. Last year went by fast enough; maybe this year will wind up the same. Hope the car troubles end some day. Goodness, the old saying: "If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary." holds true. I can think of five instances where i've had to walk home and had no luck getting a ride. Just once where some redneck in a van drove me and one other i won't get into. Took me a quarter hour to geter' to start at the grocery store couple months back. Had to walk home from a gas station not even two months ago. It also broke down at car wash, a thrift shop, and two-lane. Seems i've inherited some bad luck every since that madman stuff that happened to me around Christmas a few years back.

On a lighter note; i commented earlier on a post about the sacred tradition of autism being handed down from generation to generation and i think some chicks might be that way about dancing. Like it's good that you can saunter so gracefully about the stage but it's like, i get worried you'll get nerve damage or something. Don't get too worried about your diet either. "Yeah man them rolls give you diariah." "Yeah well i gotta' right to eat what i want."

The takeaway from all this? Idk. Playstation? Hell run from it i guess. Mortal combat? Invented by a buncha' weirdos probably. Guess some things are just skin-deep. It's strange how my ex has one reason to like me and two reasons to hate me. Guess there isn't much takeaway after all. It's still important though. Hammond thought of it 1st. It matters, like it's personal...we're both adults right? It's not my fault is it? Is it something i said?

Speaking of conscientious enterprises...You know letters only say so much. Roughly half the time fussing only leads to so much. More than they say sometimes. Can't go back right? Done there...The take away from all this? What the hell? I'll try to lurk for the hell of it instead of editing so much. I'm getting tired. Both are making my eyes tired. The seasons drag on slowly...don't wanna' end up lamenting and forsaken. Mastermind, a clinic in Houston, Texas...my eyes are getting tired but i wish they were more tired. Living in debt.

She has five favs; Sheryl Crow. Marley & Me; Flowers; Ford Focuses, and Apple Pie. It's very perceptive of her to point out that scene in that book. She rolled in; dug everything out & found the one scene in one of my favorite books that matters. It matters to be seen; it's rewarding when someone of significance pays you attention; when they treat you like you exist, and likewise it's not always your fault when someone projects their emotions on you negatively. They say no one's perfect; but sometimes you just see someone at exactly the right time, and it's like you remember it as something that breaks the fall of a bad memory.

Evreyday in everyway I'm getting better & better. Just have to cultivate patience.

#recyclemycorpse #whinyblog

[lxngbottom]

i NEED more dominant neville!! maybe something to do with thigh riding idk 🤷🏼‍♀️

Be A Good Girl. | N.L.

in which neville makes the reader ride this thigh.

warnings: nsfw, smut, thigh riding, some degradation, dom!nev (lmk if there are more!)

you guys....... i fucking LOVE dom!neville

(edit: omg im getting to all of your requests so late pls forgive me i’ve had a lot going on in my life lately but i’m on that grind rn)

—

it was completely innocent, you see. the timing was bad, you assumed.

you and neville rarely ever fought, as he was never the one for conflict. but, the day before, you had felt like a last priority to the boy. and, maybe he didn’t mean to make you feel like that, but, he did.

so, when you two had screamed at each other for 45 minutes straight in his dorm, and you stormed out, you had decided to give him the silent treatment. and to get your mind off of things, luna had invited you to go to hogsmeade with her and harry.

harry sat in the common room patiently, waiting for your arrival. neville was there as well, because of course he had found out that you had been invited, and he was really hoping that he could try to convince you to not go, and just have a day for you two to make up for his absence the day before.

you finally came walking down the staircase, struggling to fit something into your purse as you did so. because of this, you didn’t notice the gawking stares you were getting from the most of the boys in the common room. neville stared at you, took in your outfit. a tank top due to the warm weather, and a high waisted skirt that showed off the top of your thighs deliciously. you pulled it up a bit, making neville lick his lips in hunger from how fucking sexy you looked.

but, that’s when he realized that he wasn’t the only one staring. and, the realization hit him that you were... punishing him? you? punishing him? you knew damn well that wasn’t how things worked, and on any other day, it would earn a smack on your ass cheek.

“hey, harry! ready to go?” you greeted the boy, zipping up your purse with a toothy smile. he looked you up and down, amazed at the fact that neville longbottom of all people was dating someone that looked like you.

“y-yeah! totally! let’s head out.”

neville stormed over to you, wrapping his hand around your wrist before you could go anywhere.

“we need to talk.” he demanded sternly, his jaw clenched as he witnessed harry practically eye-fucking you.

you rolled your eyes, and snatched away from him. he went to grab you again, but you stopped him with a slap to the wrist. you let out a “hmph!” and walked away with harry, and neville watched as the skirt fit perfectly around your ass.

a punishment definitely had your name written all over it for later.

—

“night, harry!” you waved, smiling at the boy. he waved back, and went up the stairs to go back to his dorm.

you did the same, relieved to finally just be able to relax. maybe, read a book before you fell asleep, or catch up on some journaling. yeah, that sounded nice.

you had a wonderful day. filled with laughs and small conversations between yourself, luna, and harry. you seemed to have completely forgotten about your boyfriend, and the argument you guys had just 24 hours before.

you entered your dorm, your head down to make sure that you locked it back when you stepped in. after your heard the sound of your door locking, you took the small cardigan off that you had brought with you, as the nighttime had made the air much chiller. you hung your purse up near the door, as that was a small system that one of your dorm mates had came up with. you kicked your shoes off, body still not facing your bed.

you went to take your tank top off, until something interrupted you.

“hm.”

the small mutter made you jump, and you turned around quickly to see who the culprit was. of course, it was neville. he sat on your bed, book in hand, and a dark look in his eyes as he stared at you,

you huffed, “what the hell are you doing here? i was changing, you know!”

he chuckled, the small laugh spiteful and low, “don’t stop on my account. it’s not like i haven’t seen you naked before, darling.”

you rolled your eyes, and stomped over towards your bed, “leave!”

he looked up at you, fake curiosity in his eyes. he slammed the book shut, and tossed it on your bedside table.

“why should i?”

you scoffed at him, “because, this is my dorm! and, i honestly don’t want to speak to you! so piss off!”

he found you adorable. your little tough act that you were trying to keep up. he knew it was only a matter of time before you would be wrapped around his finger once again, begging for him to be inside of you.

“you’re not still angry at me are you?”

he knew the answer to that. he just liked to tease you,

“yes! i’m very angry at you, neville! i was having a great day and of course... you come along to make me feel bad when you were in the wrong!”

neville grabbed your thigh as you tried to walk away, his fingers tightening on the sensitive skin, “me in the wrong? i wasn’t the one prancing around in this little skirt all day like a fucking whore.”

the statement made your stomach flutter, and you couldn’t help the blush that raised to your cheeks.

“i know what you’re playing at, petal. and, i don’t appreciate it. do you know how many guys were staring at your ass? staring at what belongs to me?”

the question made your cross your arms, “playing at? i’m not playing at anything, neville. i just wanted to feel pretty today. sorry that you’re angry that other guys find me attractive...”

that fucking attitude. oh god, you were in for it.

neville pulled you down by your wrist, settling you right on top of his lap. you felt his hard cock sticking out from his pants, just waiting to be touched. you couldn’t help but to sigh from the way it felt on your clothed clit.

“watch your fucking mouth, petal. you know i don’t like when you talk back.”

the tone in his voice made your panties dampen, and you tried to look away, avoid his intense gaze, but he quickly turned your face back by grabbing your chin,

“i saw the way harry was looking at you. you wanted him to see your pretty little ass... didn’t you?” he reached his hand up slowly, and caressed your cheek menacingly. you gulped, his dark eyes having a greater affect on you than you’d like to admit.

without warning, the hand that was settled onto the small of your back moved down swiftly, going underneath your skirt, and it came down with a harsh slap to your ass cheek. you whimpered, the burning sensation automatically kicking in.

“how many more slaps do you think you deserve, huh? cause... i think you deserve at least ten more, doll.”

you quickly shook your head, your clothed clit falling victim to his crotch. you bucked your hips up slightly, pleading for more friction.

he looked down, noticing the arousal leaking from your panties, staining his pants. he tsked and shook his head as he studied your desperate attempt to pleasure yourself,

“pretty sluts like you that like to show off don’t deserve my cock... isn’t that right, petal?” he cooed teasing, placing a single kiss on your neck.

“i—i’m sorry... please—“

“no begging. you know what’s coming.”

you sighed, knowing that no amount of pleading would lead you to get your way. you had made him mad, and you knew that there was no getting away with that.

“here’s what’s going to happen, petal. you’re going to get yourself off on my thigh. got it? and maybe... if you’re good i’ll fuck you until you can’t take it anymore. does that sound good?”

you quickly nodded your head, the thought of riding neville’s thigh always being so fun, in the most sinful way possible.

“alright, now be a good girl and do as i say...”

neville began to position himself up against the headboard, as he was not too keen on letting you fall back onto the floor. you waited patiently as he adjusted, beginning to take your tank top off.

he watched as the straps fell, and he licked his lips when he saw your bra covered breasts. he felt his cock twitch from the mere sight of your nipples as you took your bra off, letting it fall to the floor with a small noise.

you reached for the hem of your skirt, but neville interrupted,

“no. the skirt and your panties stay on. it looks too fucking good on you.”

you wanted to protest, as if you were going to do this you wanted to be able to feel all of him. but, you really had no choice. so, you simply nodded and crawled over towards your lovely boyfriend.

he patted his thigh as a sign for you to get on, and you did so shakily, not knowing what to expect.

“move your hips, petal...” he ordered, grabbing them and starting for you, “just like that.”

instantly, that fire in your stomach a-blazed. neville watched as you bucked your hips, trying to desperately not to miss his flexed thigh on your heat. he placed small, teasing kissing along your neck, going down to your breasts, and nibbling on your nipples gently.

you gasped, all the sensations beginning to hit you at once,

“look at my pretty girl, making me so fucking hard. merlin... you’re such a slut...” he breathed out, the movements from your knee cap stimulating him. in times like this, neville almost let the dominant mask slip off, but, he knew he had to keep it on.

“nev—fuck—c-cum...” you stuttered out, that familiar knot in your got trying ever so desperately to come apart.

he chuckled lowly at your state, and the way your eyes were rolling to the back of your head. “please... n—need y-your cock...”

he automatically shook his head,

“i told you, petal... dirty little sluts like you don’t get my cock... you know that already.”

you whimpered, only wanting the sensation of him inside of you, fucking you into oblivion.

as time went by, the urge to release was taking over your whole being. your thighs and hips were aching at this point, and neville as well could feel himself about to cum.

neville placed a sloppy kiss on your lips, “can’t get off, petal?” he teased, a smarmy grin on his face, “i’ll take over for you... even though you don’t deserve it.”

that’s when he held your hips once more, and flexed his thigh to his best ability. he moved you, your whimpers and moans only increasing with every feeling of friction.

“k-kiss...” you muttered, speech shaky and uneven. but, neville knew what you wanted. so, he pulled you in for a heated kiss, his tongue entering your mouth before you could even welcome it.

his cock was aching at this point, and he could feel himself about to release all in his pants.

“cum, flower. i need to feel you cum all over me like a good girl, alright?”

the tone in his voice was all you needed to let out a loud scream, and fall apart right in his arms. your thighs trembled, and neville felt your cum gather all in a pool on his pants. he as well came, a loud groan escaping his lips as your face fell into his neck.

“mhm... you make me feel so good, petal...”

#harry potter #neville longbottom #neville longbottom imagine #neville longbottom smut #neville x reader #harry potter smut #harry potter imagine #neville longbottom x reader #neville x y/n #neville longbottom x y/n #smut #imagine #one shot

[winter-soldier-vibes]

Can I request HSP + depression reader (who thinks they are just weak and being crybaby) x Bucky, please? I understand you are super busy right now and I didn’t mean to rush you or anything but I'm just struggling with both HSP and depression and couldn’t help but send it right now. No need to hurry, just when you are free and maybe when you had nothing to write. Thank you and I love you!

Thank you for the request, I’m sorry it’s been a difficult time for you! I’m here if you need me and I hope that this helps!!! 

It’s called empathy

Bucky x reader

Word count: 1981

Warnings: depression, HSP (highly sensitive person), low self worth, negative self talk, swearing (that’s normal for me but this one’s a little extra), angst (more so internal idk if that needs a warning), fluff/comfort

Taglist: @buckys2thicc @babydaddy-buckybarnes @barnesplums @peggycarter-steverogers @mardema @abitgryffindorky @buckys-blue-eyes @strawberrimae @thatfangirl42 @freigeistundanderes @bucks-bunny @broadwaybabe18 @im-sick-of-failing

Taglist     Masterlist

--------------

Breathe in

Breathe out

In 

Out 

...in…

You felt a tear escape your eyes

Goddamn it

You didn’t want to cry, you couldn’t let yourself. It was stupid, it was just some shitty remark from someone when they were in a shitty mood, it wasn’t your fault, all that bullshit you tried to tell yourself. It never worked.

You were trying to control your breathing, looking up at the ceiling trying to will the tears away, biting your lip. You would not cry, not over this. Not over something that wasn’t worth your tears

Not when you didn’t even know what exactly you were crying over. 

Yet here you were, gripping the edge of the bathroom sink with white knuckles, looking up at the ceiling trying to keep the tears at bay. And it wasn’t working.

Weak sensitive piece of shit. 

What good were you to the team if you cry in the bathroom like a baby every time something remotely stressful happens? People usually cry when they're in pain or when they’re grieving - the only excuse you had was you were stressed or sad. 

You felt another few tears escape and you angrily swiped them away, cursing yourself for being so weak. 

You hated this, you hated yourself. You were so numb most of the time, especially when you were alone. You found yourself alone in your room with racing thoughts feeling like you were falling apart. Yet when you were alone you could only stare at the ceiling wondering if it would get any worse. 

The answer was usually yes.

Whenever you would go on missions with the team, you were able to push aside your stress. You had a job to do and you would do it. But when the mission was over and you were walking back through the rubble - seeing all the blood, destruction, fear - then it would start to get to you. You would panic, you would feel tears cloud your vision. Tears for those you were leaving behind, and those who had nowhere to go, those who lost someone. That was understandable. 

It seemed to affect you more than the others though. It was understandable to be moved by so much destruction. But for you everyone felt like someone you had known and loved. 

You could feel the grief in those left behind, feel the sadness and pain that they were going through. 

The same was true when you weren’t on missions. When those who were on them would come back. Whether they were injured or their eyes were saddened - you knew when a mission was rough. You would listen, you would be there for people. It was easy to talk to you, and you were very wise. 

But it still overwhelmed you. You couldn’t say no, you didn’t want to. You wanted to help but it would be so emotionally taxing for you. So behind closed doors, you would break. Be there for others, listen when they need to talk, others come first - you took their emotional pain onto yourself. 

You were grateful that you could help - but in the process it was hurting you. 

You allowed yourself to feel sad when you were alone in your room. No one could see you be weak in the dark of your room. But you never cried much just from the pure exhaustion of your thoughts. Sometimes you wanted to, just feeling so incredibly empty that you just wanted to have an ugly crying session curled up in bed.

But you didn’t get to make that choice.

The crying wouldn’t come until the absolute worst times. If you had messed up on a mission, if Tony said something a little too harshly because to him everything was a joke, seeing something gruesome on a mission- whenever it came to someone else getting involved, the tears would come. Hell sometimes even being overwhelmed in public would be enough to start the waterworks. 

You always felt so fucking weak for it. The slightest environmental stressor could stress you out too much and move you to tears. You had no reason to be upset most of the time. But you would get angry at yourself for being upset, which would make you more upset that you couldn’t control it, making it harder to control.

It was a vicious cycle.

Lately it had been popping up more and more recently. Smaller things were upsetting you more than usual. You were becoming more sensitive to external stimuli and as a result, you spent as much time as you could in your room. You were embarrassed by yourself. Both by your emotions and by your inability to control them. 

This time you were just upset that you were upset. It had been a long night the day prior, just a lot of paperwork to do. There had been a mission earlier this week that you hadn’t been assigned to, but it had been brutal for everyone who had gone. So far today had been a normal day by anyone’s terms, an emotionally exhausting one for you. One of those where you woke up tired and the thoughts of another day were enough to draw you to tears. Nothing had even happened, but apparently nothing needed to happen. 

Your emotions came and went without your consent. 

You knew deep down it was probably some sort of emotional build up - that whole quote about bottling things up until they got to be too much - it happened every time but you still thought you could handle yourself better than that. You didn’t want to vent or be a problem to anyone. But when you are the emotional support for most of the team and you haven’t been able to get enough sleep or take time for yourself - you didn’t have much of a say as to when the bottle overflows.

A few more tears fell and you slammed your hand on the counter, wiping your tears angrily once more. “God fucking damn it why can’t you just stop fucking crying!” you exclaimed, feeling a few more tears falling “Weak piece of shit!” 

There was knocking on the door, pulling you out of your self deprecating thoughts. You gasped lightly, wiping your face again. 

Knock knock

You jumped a little, gasping slightly. No one was supposed to be here, it was the middle of the night. 

“Y/n? What’s going on in there? Are you alright?”

You took a shaky breath. Of course it would be Bucky who heard you. Why would it be anyone else?

“I’m fine Bucky, it’s late, you should go to sleep.”

“Then why are you still awake?” Bucky responded. You heard him sigh a little outside the door. “Come out here and tell me you’re okay.”

“Really Bucky?”

“Unless you want me to come in there, but I don’t think Stark would appreciate me breaking your door.”

You took a small breath and walked over to the door, opening it. You crossed your arms and met Bucky’s concerned eyes. “I’m fine, Bucky.”

Bucky sighed, taking in your appearance. Red eyes, flushed face, your hair was messy - you were definitely crying. He hated when you wouldn’t admit that you weren’t ok. “You know you don’t have to be, right?”

You clenched your jaw, trying to keep fresh tears from clouding your vision. “What?”

“You say you’re fine, you always say that you’re fine until you break. I heard you crying, I can see that you’re not feeling okay yet still you try to keep a brave face. And I just want you to know that you don’t have to always be okay.”

You let out a breath. “I - i…” you looked down and shook your head, lost for words. 

“Y/n, I’m not here to judge you. Can you try to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” you said looking up at him “It’s literally so stupid, Bucky.”

“Y/n, nothing you say right now is going to sound stupid. 

You shrugged your shoulders, still not quite meeting his eyes. “I don’t know, I just get so worked up sometimes, but it’s stupid. I tell myself I’m not going to be bothered and then I freak out again. The smallest things bother me and I get stressed out and then I cry like some stupid weak bitch. People have it worse than me, God, you have it worse than me. Everyone here has some sort of traumatic awful thing happen to them and then there’s me and I get sad because I see other people sad,” you were crying again and you wiped at your face, covering your eyes. “God Im so fucking stupid I -”

Bucky pulled you into his chest as you let out a sob. “You’re not stupid, y/n.”

“YES I AM. I get worked up over the smallest shit, I don’t listen when people tell me to take breaks, I take everything too personally and I can’t stop fucking crying when I don’t even know what the fuck is wrong!” you exclaimed, trying to push yourself away, ashamed.

Bucky held you tightly, not letting you go. “That’s not your fault. It’s not up to you how your feelings show up.”

“But I cry at the most stupid shit and I can’t control it.”

“You’re not supposed to know how to control it,” he said, pulling back to look at you. “Emotions can’t be controlled. They just happen and it’s rarely convenient.”

“Then why do I feel so weak? If this,” you gestured to yourself “is so goddamn normal then why isn’t everyone else breaking down every other day?” 

Bucky brushed some hair out of your face. “Your emotions are yours, no one else’s. No one has the right to tell you how to feel. Think of it this way - you can’t expect everyone to have the same amount of strength or stamina - no one has the same emotional response either. And that doesn’t make you weak, it makes you you.”

You shook your head. “I just feel so weak all the time.” 

“And I’m here to remind you that crying isn’t weak. You are not a weak person, you are not a bad person, you’re not any of those things your mind tells you. You’re a kind and thoughtful person. You put your heart into everything you do. You help everyone you can. Mourning someone else’s loss isn’t weakness. It’s called empathy.”

You took a small breath. “Then why does it hurt so goddamn much?”

“”I don’t know. And I can’t say for certain that you won’t always feel that way. But I know I can tell you that you aren’t weak, and I’ll be here every time you feel that you are.” 

You nodded your head slightly. “You don’t think I’m weak?” you asked quietly.

He pulled you back into a hug. “Not in the slightest, y/n.”

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes comfort #comfort #fanfiction #MCU #MCU fanfiction #MCU fic #marvel #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #writingrequests #bucky #james buchanan barnes #bucky barns fanfiction #bucky barns x y/n #bucky barns x reader #bucky barnes imagine

[mojwisungie]

imgn | Restart (enemy to lover! jisung)

req (from: anon) ➥ :  hi, i really like your writings and! if its ok, can i request a jisung x reader enemies to lovers headcannon? jisung is always teasing and trying to beat the reader at everything and one day he was teasing her and she had enough of it that shouted at him and cried infront of alot of students, and this shocks everybody since the reader is always calm and soft spoken:( the ending can be up to you!💚

☄︎ with: park jisung ☄︎ lou.note: omg. i did not intend to write so much for this like idk i got carried away and i think its too long 😶 added the bonus part for context lol enjoy !!

your life is pretty sweet

honestly, you dont think of changing any aspect of it

youre good in school too

you have decent grades, great friends

but there is one thing that bothers you often

actually, one person

and its park jisung

and its not that you arent nice or something, bc everyone practically treats you as a friend actually 

and you dont hate him, bc thats such a strong word

but you dont exactly like him either

he pushes all your buttons

and usually you’d laugh it off

youre used to joking around with people and youre not that sensitive

but jisung... man does that boy have the  a u d a c i t y

you havent talked to him even once before he teased you for having a lower grade than him

so when he did that, you only smiled since it really wasnt that much of an insult to you

but then it got more frequent 

he would often poke at you for doing the most basic things

you get a score a point lower than his again? you’ll hear his snarky remark about it the second he knows about it

you got elected as an officer in the class? of course he’ll say youre such a darling

you dropped a pen? there will be a quiet under-the-breath “clumsy” as soon as you pick it up

he also has this weird habit of scoffing whenever you outdo him

bc he scoffed when you perfected that presentation in dance class AND when you also got a higher grade than him on another

all these mockery is always rewarded by only an eye roll for you

since causing a scene isnt like you so you often

and somehow in some way, you hope he’ll back off

but one particular day, you were really having not such a good time

you were almost late bc you almost forgot your due project

which caused you to walk back to your house and also caused you to miss the bus so you had to walk

the moment you enter the class, jisung’s eyes is already on you

you actually prayed for him to shut it bc you’d usually hear something from him the moment you step in the class

you thought you were safe

but when you sat on your seat, he said, “you look worse today y/n, and thats not nice bc you look awful everyday, dont you thi-”

you startle him as you loudly tell him to shut up

followed with “i dont know what ive done for you to make fun of me everyday, cant you just leave me alone?!”

you didnt know you were crying until one tear fell on your cheek

some of your friends tried to help calm you down immediately and ask if you were okay, while some tried to confront jisung if he has any problem with you

he couldnt answer them he’s so shocked to see you cry

before he could apologize, your teacher enters the class prompting you to wipe the tears away and tell your friends that youre fine

from the way that you look, everyone knows you arent but lets you be as the class starts

the day goes by surprisingly well for you after that

what you didnt know was everyone was trying to not let jisung get close to you bc he might make you cry again

but jisung feels so guilty :( he wants to say sorry before this day ends

or else it might be too late for him to tell you the truth

so at dismissal, he waits for you by the gates bc he knows you stay in the library for a few before going home

on your way out, he tries to stop you and says

“hi y/n, uhm, i-im sorry for today, i didnt know you were going to cry.. actually i didnt know i was going too far with the teasi-”

you cut him off saying “oh uhm, its fine. dont worry about it. i know you dont like me so-”

“what? no, its not that i dont like you! i actually- uh- i mean-”

you dont really know whats he’s pointing so you wait for him to find the right words to tell you

a few more seconds pass and he goes

“i dont dont like you... i actually like you. its just someone told me that maybe if i tease you, we’d grow close and it was partially true because you'd only notice me when i do so.”

he continues with “i know it’s too much for me to ask since ive hurt you, and im really sorry for doing that but i hope you could give me a chance. i hope we could...restart?”

seeing the incomprehensible look (for jisung) on your face, he stutters with saying how its totally fine if you dont want to and he’d be okay to distance himself from you

but you answer him with

“sure. i’d love to restart with you.”

and from then on, it would only be love from him to you

bonus:

you know who actually told jisung to tease his crush?

chenle. he’s his bestfriend who told him to do it so he’ll have a chance with you

the moment he heads home, he doesnt go to his house, he goes marching to chenle’s

he greets his friend with a punch on the arm

chenle shouts in pain and asks “what the hell is that for?!”

so jisung answers him “your dumb plan made them cry! and i had to say sorry and tell them how i really feel about them all in one day”

and chenle bites back with “you mean my smart idea made you confess and have a chance with her? youre welcome”

they talk about what happened for a while until jisung asks him if knows what good gift he should give you

so expect to receive a cute (and kinda expensive) necklace the next day lol

also expect for more adorable gifts and heart-melting moments as you and jisung get together for the years that’ll come

#nct #nct dream #nct jisung #park jisung #nct imagines #nct dream imagines #nct jisung imagines #jisung imagines #nct reactions #nct dream reactions #nct jisung reaction #jisung reactions #nct scenarios #nct dream scenarios #nct jisung scenarios #jisung scenarios #nct headcanons #nct dream headcanons #nct jisung headcanons #jisung headcanons #nct fluff #nct dream fluff #nct jisung fluff #jisung fluff #park jisung fluff #nct x reader #nct dream x reader #jisung x reader #park jisung x reader

[wonderland-in-bloom]

everything will be alright

[malleus draconia x reader]

a♕ asked: hey me, can you write just a short, yet floofy fic of the reader having a bad day or just feeling down and malleus being sweet and comforting her? thanks boo <3

sure thing me! lol this is basically a self insert for myself, the author. idk im kinda feeling tired and down today lols. lots of tears were shed (even if it’s just over something very minor lmao) but i just wanted to write something for myself to make myself feel a tad bit better. 

hope you guys can enjoy too of course <3

♡

YOU sighed after having a long, tiring day just filled with things that you wished you’d just forget. you plopped down on your bed and buried your head in a pillow. it hurt you. physically and mentally. you just wished this day ended but it just continued to drag, on, and on, and on. you opened your eyes in reaction to a knock at your door. “(y/n)...darling...are you there?” it was the familiar voice of your adoring significant other. you muttered a ‘yes’ and as expected, he heard and came inside your room. 

“is everything alright?” he sat down next to you as you now laid on your back. “yes..?” you looked up at him with a fake smile only to be met with a look of disappointment. “don’t lie to me, (y/n). you’re a terrible liar.” he shot while crossing his arms. “alright fine. it’s just...i don’t know actually. today’s been really weird for me. i just feel...empty? tired? sad? i’m actually not sure.” you felt a soft, ungloved hand placed on your forehead. malleus’s thumb began stroking your temple, and honestly it was one of the best things ever to be felt at that moment because of the excruciating, painful headache you had. “you’re just...unsure?” you nodded but felt a lump forming in the back of your throat. you felt tears prick the corner of your eyes and you did your best to wipe them before he could notice. “mhm. i don’t even know anymore malleus.” 

“i just think about something and it just leads me to think about another thing. i’m basically just overthinking. and it annoys me so damn much..!” you groaned as you felt the tears stream down your face. from small whimpers to heavy sobs, you just released all of your pent up emotions for the whole day. because honestly, it physically hurt to be keeping everything inside. “i’m here for you darling. there, there.” he scooped you up and held you in his hands. you rested your head against his chest and just cried for the next few minutes. meanwhile, malleus was just stroking your hair and kissed the top of your head. “everything will be alright sweetheart.” you laughed in the midst of all your pain. “i’m sorry if i got your uniform wet.” this made him smile a little bit and wiped the tears from your cheeks. “it’s alright. just do whatever you need to do.” honestly you were so thankful he was just so caring and thoughtful of you. 

“dear...” you started. “how do you manage to keep all your feelings in? you know, i know you feel a lot of things and there are lots of situations which can make you feel different things, but i don’t know how you manage to not express them. ” he looked at you before gently cupping both your hands in his. “darling. you’re a human. humans tend to get so vulnerable with their emotions and just let it take over them. especially you. you have a heart of pure gold and i’m not surprised if emotions take over you so easily. i on the other hand...well, some people said i have a heart of stone, or no heart at all. does that answer your question?” you pouted and hugged him. “what do you mean no heart?! of course my malleus has a heart, after all, what would he use to give me all of his overwhelming love?” you smiled into the hug. he chuckled. what you said was so cheesy but honestly you meant all of what you said. he cupped your cheeks and brought your face to his level so your eyes could directly meet his. 

“now stop thinking, okay? you’re tired, aren’t you? i just want you to clear your thoughts and relax.” with a snap of his fingers, you’re both in your pajamas. a true gentleman and an excellent magic wielder. “what if i just fill my head with thoughts of how much i love you?” you smiled and laid your head against his chest once more. he wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his chin on top of your head. “hmm...maybe that’ll be alright.” malleus hummed a little tune which sounded like a lullaby to you, but it was so comforting that you didn’t mind. malleus’s small gestures and love just made all of those bad feelings and bad events float away, never to be seen again. he started singing as you drifted off to sleep, but his gentle, soft voice could be heard singing words which were so dear to both of your hearts. 

“now for the sake of protecting you, i must be strong. to me in the shadow of sorrows, you sang joy to me. and now, the light shines, i know love, you are my dream.” 

♡

alright that was just a little drabble to satisfy myself eheh. it’s not good to keep in emotions guys, it’s good to let it out. a♕ is super duper sensitive today, so i wish malleus would just poof out of nowhere and hug me and tell me everything will be okay. i really needed this small drabble type thing lol. i love my bby malleus. i’ll be continuing writing all of the requests tomorrow! i’ll just be here either sleeping or crying or both :))

- a♕

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #disney #twisted wonderland imagine #twisted wonderland oneshot #twisted wonderland drabble #drabble #oneshot #imagine #night raven college #diasomnia #malleus draconia #malleus draconia imagine #malleus draconia oneshot #malleus draconia x reader #malleus draconia x a♕ #floof #angst #x reader #reader insert #im a sensitive little bih who just wants love from her bois #i love malleus ok bai

[plutoswrath]

Hey how’s your day? Have you eaten good? Did you listen to dark clouds today(if not pls stream it my bubu deserves the world)

SO,,,,,,,,I have my sun in cancer(1stH) and moon(12h),mercury(1 H) Venus(12h)and rising in gemini also pisces mars&mc(9h) , cancer saturn in the 1h also... also two steuillm(idk how to write it lol) in both of my 9H(neptune Uranus and mars) and my 1H (sun mercury and saturn) also i have Jupiter in leo in the 3rd house (also my Venus and moon and acs opposite of my sag pluto in the 6H)

Growing up i have never been attached to people around me(?) like i love my family and they are the ones I always get attached to but when it comes to my friends I don’t actually care if they didn’t talk to me i mean im not gonna claim i am a good friend but I really appreciate privacy for myself and other ( and i fear if i asked them they will say i am too nosy ) and tbh I always didn’t like to talk to my friends cause ‘what if i suck At having a good conversation with them and they will get bored with me” , and I noticed people around me don’t really know my interest they just assume that i am “good at art” 💔 even though i know i do art just to do it as a personality trait...

I never tried to get to know people better because i will always know them from the first conversation like “how they will react to certain things and their insecurities and problems”, don’t ask me how but I always been this way, i know what people actually feel from their eyes, but when it comes to me no one understands me like even my sister told me “your eyes look emotionless” and I agree I don’t have the ✨spark✨.

And I might as well add that you don’t have to answer this, i have been extra lonely these days i just need to write anything about my emotions about my self and how i suck at being a decent person and talker.

Hello! My day just started, so nothing happened yet, but yes I’ve eaten well, hope you did too! xx And of course I streamed Taeyongs new song, honestly I’m always so so excited when he shows his own stuff!!! Can’t wait for what’s to come next! <3 Also, I just want to mention that it’s totally fine that you write and you can feel free to start a conversation whenever you like! If you feel comfortable you can also use the messenger to write me directly but if you feel more comfortable on anon that’s totally fine of course! <3

To be very honest with you I feel like I should not trace all of your feelings back to your placements. I don’t want your problems that could be caused by external forces to look like they purely come out of you - and thus making your the source of your problems. Please keep that in mind, as I’ll continue to look at it from an astrological point of view!  I think one thing that can be said about cancer energy in general is that it’s always kind of ‘on and off’. Cancer is so emotionally in tune with everything that they can purposefully detach from their surroundings and own feelings. I think due to the stereotypes that are so widly spread people actually don’t know that cancer energy is mostly not very active and in your face - in fact the default setting is mostly very ‘laid back’, only retreating from the shell if feels safe to come out, triggered or they see a good reason for it. That being said, I think with your first house stellium in Cancer + your Saturn being in it  as well, it probably creates this heaviness around your perception of others, your feelings and how the world connects to you. Especially since it’s in Sun (your ego) and Mercury (your perception, communication and thinking) as well. Basically you could feel hyperaware of the those invisible bonds and dynamics. You yourself could feel very burdened by that, taking on all those peoples needs and meanwhile feeling very malnourished yourself. This can create pessimism and hoplessness, especially with Saturn in the 1st (here in Cancer), the outlook on yourself and your environment could be especially gloomy, you might not expect for people to reciprocate your efforts and get you. With your Moon in 12th, Pisces Mars and 9th house stellium, so a lot of mutuable energy adding to it, you could feel very out of touch with your surroundings as well. Your intuition and sensitivity is heightened, you might feel like there is no ‘real form’ to you at times and thus it’s even harder to give people a solid idea of yourself. To ground the self and practice mindfullness might help here, but of course this might not fully relate to the actual reality to your problems, I’m not trying to diminish them of course.  Still, I think that the heavy water and mutuable energy might put you in a constant state with being out of touch and very into a moment and feeling at the same time, your Cancer stellium in the 1st with Saturn adding to it could make your empathetic abilities actually feel like a burden. You might need a lot of retreatment time in general, especially with Moon in the 12th as well, but it could also feel like getting lost if your stay in your secluded space for too long.  One personal insight I want to share though is - and again, this is not meant to put the burden on yourself but sometimes we need to be more aware of our own personal freedom of choice I believe - a common theme Cancers or people with profound Cancer energy in their chart will experience is all about ‘opening up’. Cancer is an enigma and I believe a wildly misunderstood and weirdly reconstructed sign because it doesn’t open up most of the time. I’m not trying to push you to anything but getting stuck in repetetive negative cycles can be common for a lot of Cancer people until they have gained enough experience to find a good balance and actual good intuition of when to be open and privat, because Cancers can easily fall into the extremes here (just like their sister Scorpio). I’m truly hoping for the best and I am sorry for the long rant! Take care x 

#replies #anonymous #astrology

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

exhaustion at its finest luvs

so um....ive basically been living day to day like.....completely disconnected from everything, both mentally and physically. like haha, mirrors are bad, and so are moments of connecting my mental state to my physical state. because i remember that i live in this body, and i make it do things. and ive literally spent my entire summer without a routine (which kills me) but i’ve been so tired from not having a routine to go by that i physically CANT MAKE ONE, like i dont have the energy. i really......im very tired.

 but i have a new hyperfixation on a band so that’s about the only thing going for me (until it runs out).

also i cant figure out if my reactions are RSD or me just overreacting and being sensitive......bc im not diagnosed with ADHD.....yes that’s another dilemma im having to deal with. am i just a weird neurotypical, or is there something actually going on (i dont know brain, why dont you give me some fucking answers)......anyways um.......im suffering besties.

also accidentally offending people is one of the things that fucking sends me into another plane of anxiety and thats been haunting me. and i know i’m probably reading too much into it (like i always do *sad hair flip*) but it could also be directed STRAIGHT at me. i’ve cried over that shit at a point, like i think it’s due to my awful past with toxic friendships (with me being emotionally unstable and lashing out, and the other person microaggressing me every now and then)

my emotions are also a struggling point. like, i recognize them most times, and deal with them, but i NEVER open up about them until it’s too late and im sobbing. i go from oversharing and having too many emotions to hiding everything and bottling things up. and i feel like the pandemic has made me bottle things up more. i feel like everyone’s already having a hard time, and they don’t need my whining about trivial things on top of that. venting helps, but i also feel bad trauma-dumping, and all that shit. like it’s not acceptable to just pour your emotions out there and be like “but im fine” because A........i feel like a burden. and B. nobody needs to hear my bullshit while they have other real world problems. like thats not normal?? and now im understanding and looking back on the amount of times that i just plainly overshared, or said too much and it’s like........damn. (also oversharing is a symptom of trauma, but for me it’s mostly anxiety, and not realizing when to shut the fuck up_

i realized today that im still at the point of grieving over a friendship (its been a year) that i cant say the person’s name, or bring them up without feeling like at least mildly choked up. i feel like that’s a bit rough, huh. i know shit hurts, but i didnt expect my feelings to be that attached.

another thing is that (idk if it’s PTSD or not, maybe it is, maybe it isnt) i dont do well with bad weather. and it’s been sunny, sure, but bugs and shit have been outside, and it’s been raining like.....a good amount of the week. and last night i had a dream about ANOTHER tornado (except it wasnt lucid, so i suffered through the whole thing like it was happening again) and that’s kinda fucked me up. like, i realize that it’s not real, but there’s no other fear that i’ve experienced than that one. whenever there’s chances for severe weather, i cant sleep right, im anxious the whole day. like??? and it was so vivid. like i could hear everything that was going on. i literally cant hear semi trucks going by outside without thinking “haha tornado, lets hide in the tub”. that’s terrifying to deal with. anyways, im sure that thats not normal. but if it is, then i am not only A fool, but i am THE fool, please i need a hug.

[metricanxiety]

i’m the narrator and this is just the prologue

Pairing: phan its the only thing i write lmao

AU: uhh, dan is a writer and phil owns a cute lil store? idk what thats called but thats what it is

Warnings: SMUT. Its not too bad tho. Swearing, Mentions to religion and awful humans, sin. 

AN: send me requests im begging you. 

---

Dan sat in front of the laptop on his desk, a hand holding his head up, and the other goose-pecking the keyboard, typing the final pages of the chapter he was writing. His editor gave him a deadline for the chapter two days ago, and was desperately trying to finish the dam thing before his agent came to off his head. Dan had already gotten many threats that they’d drop his project if he didn’t stop dropping the deadlines they were setting for him. But he’s already released successful novels, proven that they really don’t give a shit about the deadlines, but rather don’t want to make the readers wait longer for a book that is already beginning to get hyped up. 

His first novel was about his fiance’s childhood, but majorly fantasized. It’s about a little monster trying to escape the civilization he was raised in because his parents didn’t love him for the path he chose in life, to begin a family with somebody unapproved his parents didn’t like. A fantasy about gay rights. But would you expect anything less from Dan Howell?

As a firm believer in writing based on real life experiences, Dan was now writing a realistic fiction novel about a girl growing up in a super religious home, but realizing the beliefs she was brought up in isn’t actually what she believes, and how she over came the problems it brought. But he was stuck on a chapter, trying to make the story more interesting in the middle bits with a little bullshit. It wasn’t his strong suit, which is why he wrote about real experiences. Phil, his fiance, had earlier in the week that he should write a sexy novel, because Dan had plenty of experience in that to write a book about it. Dan laughed, but he could never imagine publishing such an erotic novel, knowing his future children may read it someday. 

The sun had set a while ago, leaving only the bright lights of London, and Dan’s laptop screen, to illuminate the room. Phil was due to be home any minute now, Dan had received the text about fifteen minutes ago that he was leaving the shop, which was about a half hour tube ride from the flat they owned downtown. They use the word own very loosely. Yes, the flat was theirs, but the mortgage was being paid paycheck to paycheck, since most of their money was being used towards the shop, and bills. But they made it work. 

Dan typed the final sentence of the chapter, she slowly, but surely, fell into the sweet slumber, the final one she would have for a long time; the storm was just beginning to form. It reminded him of how he felt when he was sixteen himself, discovering his identity. A tough subject for him, but can be empowering to young readers, so he forced himself to submit it to his editor. He still had another chapter due tomorrow, as they were trying to wrap this book up quick to release to the public, and well, so Dan could have a little extra pocket change than he does right now. Despite his previous successful novels, he actually didn’t have too much in his savings. Living in London is no joke for the bank account. 

He began the next page, but didn’t get halfway through the first sentence when he heard keys hitting the metal door to their apartment, and the familiar squeak of Adidas on the wood floor. Phil was home, which meant Dan could actually enjoy his dinner with the man he loved. It had been sitting in the oven on a low heat to keep it warm.  

“Dan? Are you in the bedroom?” He heard Phil call out. It was nice to hear his voice, as Dan is left alone for hours every day until late at night, when Phil would finally join him. They owned the store as well, but Phil had to be there four days of the week, except for Sundays, Mondays, and Thursdays. He trusted the manager, which was Dan’s cousin, could handle it without an owner’s supervision. 

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a sec, dinner is in the oven.” Dan pulled a pair of pajama pants on over his boxers. It’s not like Phil hasn’t seen it before, but they were about to eat, might as well have some modesty. 

As Dan exited the bedroom, he was met with the open floor plan of their small flat, and Phil crouched down to try and get the tray of food out of the oven. He was in a navy blue button up, with white polka dots. Black jeans, and a red bow tie. He always dressed nice, even if it was just to go sit in the office of the store. He loved Phil for that. 

“Hey, love.” Dan smiled, walking over to help Phil, getting the tray out himself, and placed it on the stove. Phil stood up with him, placing a hand on the small of Dan’s back, and pulled him in for a kiss. “How was your day?”

“Busy. Which is a good thing. With Christmas coming up, everyone is wanting something from us. Cards, candles, you name it.” Phil said. He always referred to the store as his and Dan’s, but Dan didn’t really do much own there. It was mainly just Phil’s store. When Dan tried telling him this, Phil kissed his hand and said what’s mine is yours, my love. “How about yours? How is Angela doing in her quest to be her own person?”

Dan laughed, getting out two plates to serve the lasagna on. Phil leaned against the counter, making the space slightly crowded, but Dan didn’t mind being close to Phil. Especially when this is basically the first time they’ve seen each other today, besides Phil kissing Dan goodbye while he was still asleep. “Awful. I just submitted these past chapters to Haley when she wanted them two days ago. I still have a few to write to send her tomorrow.”

“Productive day then? I know you barely started the beginning of those chapters yesterday.” Phil wrapped his arms around Dan from the back as Dan used the spatula to serve the food on the plates, but was having sight trouble from the cheese being so stretchy on top. Phil kissed the back of Dan’s neck, the small short hairs tickling his nose as he did so. Dan had goose flesh cover his body, as his neck was very sensitive to him, and Phil always took advantage of it. 

“Kind of. I don’t know. Been struggling a little lately. There’s so much hype being built for this novel and I don’t know how well it’s going to turn out if it’s rushed like this.” He grabbed a few forks, and lead Phil over the the small table they had against the wall, and sat across from each other. 

“Take your time, I’m sure they won’t mind, they know you only care about the quality of the book.” Phil took a bite of the lasagna, exhaling in delight. “Thank you for dinner, babe.” 

“No problem. Didn’t take that long, and I had quite some time to kill anyway.” Dan jabbed slightly. Phil left extra early today, because he usually eats breakfast with Dan before he leaves for work. Phil needed to leave a little early today, however, because Sarah had something come up and couldn’t do it herself. 

“If you’re referring to breakfast this morning, I’m sorry. Sarah couldn’t make it in time, and I had to go open.” Phil reached over for Dan’s hand. It may seem ridiculous, but they were so close, their relationship was so valuable, that even eating breakfast together was important to them. It was the perfect start to their days. 

“No. It’s okay. Just wasn’t expecting to wake up to an empty flat.” Dan smiled, squeezing Phil’s hand.

“I know. I wasn’t expecting to be leaving so early either.” He paused. “But I’m home now, right?”

“Yeah. I know. But you know how I am.” Dan looked down at hid food. Phil knew he had trouble being alone for long periods of time, even though he did it every day. Dan thought too much, worrying about everything, which is the main reason he’s a writer. For example, if Phil doesn’t text him back within an hour of the text being sent, Dan starts to think that something bad happened to Phil, and that he needed help because Phil is usually very diligent about answering his messages. Dan says he thinks too much, but everyone knows it’s because of his anxiety. He hated being alone for so long because he doesn’t know if he’s letting his life go to waste by not going out with Phil, or going to visit friends more, and him being alone makes him feel guilty. Its a system they’ve been trying to ix for a while now. 

“I know, I’m sorry.”

Many people would call Dan controlling, or clingy due to this, but that was not the case at all. Phil knew Dan just needed that extra bit of information to feel safe, or know that Phil himself is safe. He doesn’t want to worry Dan more than he already does. 

They ate in silence for the rest of their dinner. Sometimes saying nothing has the loudest impact, and in this case it was. Just being in the presence of the other was enough for them. Phil collected the dishes, cleaned them, and put them away. It was about nine o’clock, and they didn’t really go to bed until around ten or eleven. Dan would sometimes go back and work on the novel while Phil did some basic chores around the house, or even catch up on some reading. But as Dan was walking toward the bedroom to finish his daily writing, Phil stopped him, grabbing his hand and spinning him back to face Phil. 

“I love you.” Phil smiled, wrapping his arms around Dan’s waste. Dan smiled, pressing his lips to Phil’s in a sweet, long kiss. 

“I love you too.” 

They kissed again, it wasn’t perfect, or calm. It was actually a little bit sloppy, because they had kissed each other so many times that there could be no bad kiss between them. Phil slipped his hands into the waistband of Dan’s pajama pants, resting them on Dan’s ass. He knew Dan thought it was ridiculous that Phil loved just grabbing, and holding Dan’s butt, but Phil found it quite funny that Dan thought that. Dan’s hands rested on Phil’s chest, slightly tweaking the bow tie around Phil’s neck but not doing much to actually take it off. 

“How about I make it up to you, for missing breakfast?” Phil suggested, resting his forehead to Dan’s. Dan was just a few inches shorter than Phil, making cuddling, and these type’s positions favorable to Phil. Dan quirked an eyebrow, moving his hands to the tie again, and began making a small effort to undo it. 

“Hm, depends. What are you going to do?” Dan asked, joking. He kissed the smile off Phil’s face, pulling the tie off Phil’s neck, and letting it drop to the floor. His arms snaked over Phil’s head afterwards, running his fingers through the dark black hair that belonged to the man he loved. Their sex life was calm, as they didn’t believe that they needed to have sex every other day to be happy, but when they did, the night was always extra special. 

Phil let Dan undo every button of his shirt before he began backing them into their bedroom. He shrugged off the button up, and began to help Dan out of the jumper he had on. They liked to take things slow, and savor every minute they had of the other. 

Phil pulled away for a minute, leaving Dan to sit on the bed, as he rummaged through the drawers, and shelves. He found a candle that he out on the dresser across the room for the bed and lit it with the matches he found in the bedside drawer. 

“You don’t need to do that. Dan said, laughing slightly. He began to pull off his pajama pants completely, so Phil didn’t have to do it, but left his boxers on. Phil shook his head, unbuttoning his jeans and kicked them off.

Phil pushed Dan to his back, laying half on him, half not, but still held himself up, so he wasn’t crushing Dan. Dan pushed the hair out of Phil’s face, tucking, what he could, behind Phil’s ears. 

“Hi.” Phil said, pressing their noses together.

“Hi,” Dan repeated, closing the gap between their mouths. Dan loved this part of the night. Where things were still beginning to heat up, but could still be stopped comfortably if one wasn’t totally up for it. Tonight however, was not one of those nights. It had been a few weeks since they last did this so it was relieving to be doing it again. 

Phil positioned his hips on top of Dan’s, moving them lightly, grinding down every few seconds. Dan threw his head back, getting the pleasure gently consume him, and Phil took the chance to attach his lips to Dan’s neck, and nibble at the sensitive skin. 

“Phil-” Dan exhaled, gripping Phil’s hair gently. He could feel how turned on Phil was, and he had no doubt that Phil could feel him. Dan was usually extremely quiet during sex, so when Dan said Phil’s name, it surprise him. 

They kissed again, mixing in their tongues, biting lips, and they became very touchy, Phil ran his hands up and down Dan’s side, stopping every now and then to poke, and tease his nipples. They had been together for so long that they knew exactly what made the other feel good, and enjoy themselves. 

“You realize that next week, its going to mark six years.” Phil said, his sentence rushed, trying to avoid making any unwanted noise. He made them plenty already, but he didn’t want it to interrupt him. 

“Holy fuck.” Dan said, smiling. They kissed again, sweetly. They can go from hot and heavy, to tame, and sweet in three seconds, just from the mention of their anniversary. Phil ground his hips down on Dan once more, bringing them both back into the lust, both wanting the same thing. 

Phil lifted his hips up, and ran two fingers around the waistband of Dan’s boxers, folding it over once, before pulling them off and over his long legs, leaving Dan completely naked. Phil kissed up Dan’s torso, nipping at a few spots that would make Dan’s breath hitch. “Top?” Phil asked, but Dan shook his head, Usually, Phil would top, but he always gave the option to Dan, wanting to make sure he wasn’t forcing Dan into a position he didn’t feel like doing. Almost always Dan would decline the offer. 

He reached over to the side table, grabbing the bottle of unscented lube, and a condom out of the little box they kept in the drawer. After having sex for six years, they never got tired of the basic ass shit they do. They were only really kinky on special days, like birthdays, or holidays, such as Valentine’s day or New Years. But any other time than that, they only really wanted each other, and would take it in any shape or form they could have. 

Phil took off his pants as well, and kissed Dan to keep the heat they had. He gave Dan a few strokes as they did, making him squirm and dig his blunt nails into Phil’s back. Phil kissed along Dan’s jaw, giving small pecks before biting at the skin right under his ear. As he did so, one hand grabbed the bottle of lube, skillfully popping the cap and squeezing some onto his fingers. He sat back on his heels, helping Dan wrap his legs around Phil’s waist. 

“I love you, Dan Howell.” Phil said, smiling down at Dan. Dan responded by sitting up and kissing the smile off Phil, holding his face with his hands. “There’s nobody I’d rather spend my life with than you.” Phil didn’t usually get so mushy and sweet during this, but Dan wasn’t complaining. He’d struggled with finding somebody to have in his life since his parents basically rejected him after coming out. Phil had gone through the same thing, which is what they first ‘bonded’ over, if you could call talking about your similar problems in life with someone as bonding. 

They didn’t spend too long on stretching, as Dan was use to the burn it caused, and eventually learned to treat it as pleasure. Phil tore the foil packet next to Dan’s bicep, and role the condom, hissing from the relief he was feeling from the slight contact. Dan pressed his lips to Phil’s forehead as he aligned himself, and began to push in. 

Dan’s nails dug into Phil’s skin, the other hand in his hair, pulling on the black locks, but still trying not to hurt him. Phil didn’t mind Dan’s reactions, however. He knew this part hurt like a bitch and he was willing to sacrifice his comfort if it meant Dan would be enjoying this more. It’s all he cared about, really. 

“Phil-” Dan’s voice was airy, like he didn’t even know he was talking, or making any noise at all, as if it were just a natural reaction for his body. Phil waited when he was fully inside Dan, letting him adjust. Phil bit Dan’s lip, pulling it lightly, and let it ping back into place, making Dan quite literally yank Phil’s head down to kiss him. Phil’s hips began to move, in and out, starting small, until he built it up to using his full length to thrust. 

Phil rested on his forearms, straddling Dan’s head on the pillow. They were both panting, overwhelmed with pleasure. Phil let out breathy moans every now and then, which gave Dan butterflies in his stomach. Even after six years, it still made him blush knowing that he was making Phil feel this goof, even though Phil was doing most of the work. 

Their noses bumped, making Phil smile, a reminder of the past, where the would only give each other Eskimo kisses, instead of real ones. They were super careful about their relationship at first, especially since Dan was only 19 when they started dating, and still living under the roof of his parents house. 

Phil would drop him off a few blocks down the street, and even though they wanted to so badly, they didn’t want to risk being caught in the prestigious neighborhood, or area he lived in, It was a really religious part of the London suburbs, and Dan couldn’t venture too far out beyond it, as his parents made a rule, even though he was an adult, they told him that if he were to live under his roof after betraying his own upbringing, and being a homosexual disgrace, that he was to follow the nitty gritty rules his parents set, and if he were to break them, he’d be kicked out. Those rules included no boys, or boyfriends. That was the only rule Dan broke that summer, before officially leaving to move in with Phil. To this day, his parents still have no idea that Dan isn’t living alone. They even had the courtesy to tell him that his first novel was “too much against the people who raise you to be who you are.” Dan would never be able to make them happy, and he was okay with that. 

Dan ran his nails along Phil’s back, maybe even breaking skin, but the feeling was just too good for him to stop, he could stop thinking about Phil, Phil, Phil so good oh my-

Dan let out a noise, almost a squeak, before he came over his stomach, and Phil’s. Phil finished not far after, into the condom. 

For about fifteen minutes, they just laid there, catching their breath, cooling down. But also just being together. They would peck the others nose, or kiss their hair, and just be the romantic cliche couple they are. 

They eventually cleaned up, and got on a fresh pair of pajamas, and after blowing out the candle, they realized how late it was. Phil chuckled, wrapping his arms around Dan who had sat at his desk, opening up his document again.

“Love, it’s almost eleven. You need to sleep.” Phil said, kissing his cheek. “C’mon, come cuddle me.”

Dan couldn’t turn down that offer, spinning his chair around, and standing. Phil invited him under the covers, which Dan had freshly washed due to his procrastination today. The fresh scent of the duvet made them both feel cozy, and at home. Phil wrapped an arm over Dan’s body, pulling him into his torso. Dan nuzzled Phil’s chest, kissing the bare skin, before muttering a ‘good night’. 

“Night. I love you.” Phil said, turning off the lamp next to him. 

“I love you more.”

ello yes dis is the end

i realy like this one actually???? ig idk lol

SEND ME REQUESTS IT WILL MOTIVATE ME TO WRITE HHHH

#phan smut #phanfiction #phan smut oneshot #phan fanfiction #dan and phil fanfiction #dan and phil fanfic #phan phanfic #dan howell and phil lester fanfiction #metricanxietyfics #phan oneshot #phan au

[sprinklig-kindness-podcast]

Questions For Zodiac sings

What’s up guys hello how are you? Welcome to your favorite podcast 

For today’s episode, we are gonna answer  the questions for the zodiac signs,

okay in TikTok there's a guy who asks questions his name is Brennan I really don't know if I'm pronouncing his name right I'm sorry, well the thing is you have to do a duet to answer them and I think it's really funny, okay he has a series of questions for all the signs of the zodiac, I don't really know if I believe in the zodiac or not but I think it's funny, plus most of the time they always have something good to throw you off, I really don't like to classify myself as an Aries, Leo, Gemini or any sign, I don't even know who or what I am, so today I'm going to answer all the questions.

So let's get started. 

Aries  March 21- April 20

Are you really a Control Freak? Kinda

Besides your self who is your favorite leader? Ellon Musk  Period 

When do you feel the most alive? okay four things car, night, cool music, friends yeah PERIODT 

Why are you jumping into relationships? This question is not for me. I've never been in a relationship

Best kissers? I don’t think I am, I’m on average 

Favorite color red? No

Lucky Number 9? I don’t have lucky number

How rich do you want to be? I really don’t want to be rich I just want to have a decent life, but I want to save the world so I think a lot.

Would you be a great president? No

What big secret are you keeping? I don’t have a big secret, sometimes the people are more boring that every one thing 

Okay, guys, this was the question for the Aries. I think I'm 50 percent, Aries.

Next

Leo july 23- Agust 22

How stubborn are you? omg like a 100 percent I really am stubborn

The biggest heart? No 

Prefer to be around other people? yes

who are you most jealous of? nobody really

Favorite color purple? No

Like being treated as royalty? if who doesn't?

Most attracted to Aries? kinda 

Who’s your favorite comedian? i don’t have one 

How do you react when someone ignores you?

It depends on the form and the case but I guess I get angry because it's rude or if it's in the form of relationship I think I'm still trying

How loud i your roar?

okay I think I'm 60 percent Leo I don't know if this is good or bad because a lot of people say it's the most hated sign

Okay next 

Gamini may 21-June 20

Social butterfly?

I think it's when you go from place to place all the time and mix with all kinds of people so if I'm a social butterfly

Always changing your mind? cuz I have issues bro, I’m not stable, I don’t have emotional intelligence and I know cuz I made the test for know it

How well do you handle stress? I think I’m in the average 

two personalities? I have about a thousand, I think I'm going to name them, I think i have a problem 

Last important decision? make this episode and wake up 

Is your mind always racing with thoughts? yea but I’m trying to do yoga cuz maybe in the future that can be a problem 

favorite color yellow? No

slow to commit to relationships? no

What’s your IQ? I don’t know I think is low and I hate then 

How flirty are you? like a 9 I’m sorry mom 

 i think I’m a 70 percent Gemini 

so next

Sagittarius Nov 23 - Dec 21

ask a lot of questions? sometimes

how energetic are you? i think a lot

good at giving advice? I'm the worst. I can give general advice like how to take care of yourself, drink water, but in specific problems I can't do it.

Too generous? no really

How optimist are you? 5 I'm very realistic but I think anything is possible

Can you make people laugh?On a scale of one to ten, I'd say an eight

Reaction when someone lies to you?I can't remember the last time I discovered a lie, but I guess I get angry

Fav color blue? omg yess i really love blue but in blue clothes I think I look great. I don't know. Blue is my color.

The most intelligent zodiac sing? idk 

Been mistaken as rude? no 

I'm just gonna say I love the color blue

next 

aquarius jan 20- feb 19

Are you shy and quiet? No

Hard to trust other people?

no but i think that is a problem

The best listeners? i can listen but im not the best 

friends first? no 

hate being alone? i enjoy being alone

How do you help people?in any way possible

fav color black? no

Reaction when someone disagrees? I get stressed out

How many times have you broken a promise? I don't remember making a promise to anyone except myself, and I'm not going to break it.

How often do you just lose it? idk

Libra sep 23- oct 22

Are you a peacekeeper? kinda 

how charming are you? four of 10

What is your motto? You can do everything 

Admit when you’re wrong? its super hard for me

Talk someone out of something dumb?yeah

Make big plans? yeah because i really want a good life and for that i need big plans

Living your best life? im trying

fav color pink? no but its one of my favorites 

Why are you indecisive? I really don't think that I'm indecisive

What do you daydream about? collage, my crush, and be independent

 Cancer june 21- july 22

How persuasive are you? I'm not persuasive. I'd like to be.

How much do you like art? 100% i really love music, movies, films, paint but I'm not good at creating it, so I think it's better to catch it

Are you insecure? kinda but im trying to fix it

How emotional are you? a lot 

How big is your imagination? not a lot

Favorite place to go with friends? State fair 

Favorite family member? im 

Fav color white? no 

Favorite tv show? euphoria 

How moody are you? 4 of ten 

 Virgo Aug 23- Sep 22

How sensitive are you? 8-10

Afraid to speak in front of people? no 

Get mad when people don’t follow rules? sometimes

Why do you worry so much? because i have issues

What do you do to stay healthy? I exercise 30 minutes a day, try to sleep early and drink lots of water

Hate asking for help? I don't hate it but it scares me

Favorite animal? I think the chicken is the best animal in the world because you don't need to kill it to survive like cows or pigs, I love the egg and it can be your best friend forever having a give and take relationship for life, I think it's beautiful

Fav color gray? no

You talk to your self? Yes, and that's a problem, which is why I created this podcast

How clean is your room? 4- 10

scorpio oct 23- nov 22

Why are you so stubborn? because you have to fight for what you want to have 

Are you a “True friend”? yeah

How brave are you? 7- 10

What are you most passionate about? help people

How secretive are you? As a two, I hate secrets because they give me worries and I like to be in complete peace 

What pokemon would you be? pikachu

Need to be right all the time? people think that, but the truth is that I like to give my opinion and talk when I know about it, I don't like to talk about things I don't know because they can cause problems, so yeah i need it

Fav color red? no

Scale 1-10 how much of a joker are you? 6 Always tell the truth? no but I’m not a liar 

Taurus April 21 may 20

How patient are you? 2

Are you practical? yeah super and that’s why i don’t have a lot of patience 

Do you like drees up? sometimes

How responsible are you? 8

Scale 1-10 do you like to cook?  8 I love cooking, following recipes but I don't like how I cook, the taste of my dishes is horrible

Are you opposed to change? no im pro-change, change is always good and some ways

Good at minding your own business? I hate drama, getting into trouble that's not mine, I hate that kind of stress so I try to stay away from places where I'm not called, its for my mental health

Fav color green? no

Easy to make money? no really but i have some ideas 

Most reliable zodiac sign? idk

Capricorn dec 22 jan 19

How disciplined are you? like a 7

Are you a “know it all”? no, but that’s my goal 

Are you a family person? no 

Would you be a good manager? no but i can try it

Is tradition important to you? no really 

Do you expect the worst? sometimes 

Coke or pepsi products? coke but i like pepsi too

fav color brown? no

Fav music Genre? pop and rap

Do you learn from your mistakes? sometimes 

pices feb 20 march 20

are you a compassionate person? yeah

hate to be criticized? if it's not constructive to hate it

why are you always sad? im not sad always im neutral

what are you most fearful of? losing an arm or a leg, an eye, having one of those kinds of accidents, I think it's for brave people to be able to overcome that and I'm not that brave person I'd rather die Do you play any instruments? no i wish 

favorite season?fall I love it with all my being, it's cold and hot at the same time, hallowen, the sky is always beautiful, pumpkins, the color of the leaves I don't know if I could live in one season it would be fall

the wisest zodiac sing? idk

fav color purple? no

sleep all the time? no i hat sleep

do you trust everyone? no really

okay friends these were the questions for the zodiac signs, i really liked answering the questions, i'm going to post the profile of the person who created these tiktoks in case you want to make them, all the information is on my twitter, i really liked this episode i really don't like to classify myself and i think i have something from everyone, in the end we are all the same, we all have insecurities, good things and bad, so see you guys in the next episode hugs and kisses

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#podcast #apple podcasts #zodiac #sings #zodiac signs #zodiac side of tumblr #Spotify #aries #virgo #leo #cancer zodiac #geminies #questions #test #sagitarius #acuario #libra #scorpio #tauro #stars #capricorn #pices

[chickenkooks]

oh my god i just read two rotten apples and holy fuck their relationship is so terrible i feel so bad for her goddamn idk why i feel so hurt but pls make jungkook suffer

anonymous asked:

yo… ik everyone will disagree wit me but the relationship in tra is just way too toxic like why do i feel like shit when even if im just the reader. im so fucking mad why is jungkook such an asshole n why is the oc so easy UDHDHJD

anonymous asked:

it fucks with my mind how horrible jk is to the oc in tra i didnt do anything productive today bc i felt like shit LMAO

drabble #3

COUNT → 3.519

GENRE → smut | crack

PAIRING → jungkook | reader

WARNINGS → dom and sub tones | penis in mouth | explicit language | penetration | graphic dirty talk | dick riding | the occasional sarcastic quip

LINKS → 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 4.5 | COMING SOON

note → i didn’t have this in mind with the current story line of two rotten apples, which you can read the first part here. so kinda consider this drabble just like. i dont even know. i have no idea. i think as the story goes on. ill link the drabbles for where i think they are in the story. the other two happen later on so they wont be linked yet until more parts are released!!!!!!! anyway i wrote this in a state of anger and perspiration!!!!!!!!!!! if u dont like my characters. or dont like the story. u could just. consider this: close out of my blog and never come back. no one was forcing u to read this. so i didnt appreciate these msgs. i understand u were venting but u didnt even say anything positive about the story so how could u expect me to respond positively??? anyways g’nite

The skin of Elise’s knuckles lightened as her fists clenched on the kitchen counter. She’d been dicing onions for a breakfast omelette but Kale’s noises from upstairs were distracting her as they drifted to her ears from the vent above her head. The kitchen was directly below their shared bedroom, so she could hear every single sound he made, even the bed creaking under his weight.

Washing her hands quickly, she grabbed a nearby towel to dry them off before heading towards the long, twisting marble staircase leading to the upstairs hallway, following the grunts and groans of her beloved husband.

As she peered into the bedroom, she gasped at the sight before her. Kale was lounging on the mattress, a rose placed between his succulent lips and a single cut from one of the thorns garnishing his lower lip. He probably should’ve cut all the thorns off before placing it in his mouth but he was never the smart one. His chest glistened under the light of the full moon, even though just a few seconds ago, Elise was making a breakfast omelette and typically those are made in the morning. She just didn’t have a good concept of time and made breakfast omelettes at night and steaks at eight o’clock in the morning.

“Hello, beautiful,” Kale said seductively, waggling his eyebrows.

“What was all this noise up here?” Elise asked, looking around the bedroom.

Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary, except for the fact that her husband was half-naked on their bed with a bleeding lip.

“I was just thinking about you, so naturally those sounds fell from my plump pillows. I’m talking about my lips, by the way. Those sounds fell from my lips.”

She nodded, licking her eyebrow. “And what were you thinking about?”

“Your beautiful blonde hair, your gorgeous blue eyes, your—”

“I have black hair, Kale,” she corrected him, crossing her arms.

“And I have green skin.”

Suddenly, the atmosphere in the room changed. Instead of Elise being incredibly hesitant as to her vegetable’s—I mean, husband’s—intentions, she found her clothes flying off and out the window. She wondered for a fleeting moment why the window was open in the first place because they lived in a mansion that was two million stories tall and they agreed when they moved in never to open a window because that’s how the previous owner died. As she thought about him, she wondered if he was watching them right now because he liked to haunt the place, making doors randomly open—except it wasn’t randomly because he would have doors fly open only when they were about to open them, so really it was more of a convenience rather than an inconvenience.

Elise sauntered towards her green husband, naked from head to toes to make things easier for when he wanted to disrobe her—because she would be naked and he wouldn’t have to disrobe her at all. As she reached for him, she forgot he had sensitive skin because he was originally some kale in the vegetable drawer, so when she grabbed his arm, it snapped in half. Kale screamed in agony.

“I’m so sorry!” Elise apologized, sobbing uncontrollably.

Kale—

“All right,” Jungkook said, closing the book with a slam. “What the fuck is this?”

He turned the book over to read the reviews and the synopsis then, glancing over at you reading over his shoulder as multiple vegetables were referenced in the author’s summary of the plot. Jungkook cleared his throat and sighed.

“’Have you ever wondered what it’s like to fall in love with a vegetable? Elise has, and that’s what she wishes for one dark and gloomy night. She finds that all the vegetables in her vegetable drawer are suddenly hot men wanting to woo her! Suddenly, she’s a vegetarian but she’s also still a virgin. Who will she choose? The delectable head of lettuce? The brussel sprout with abs of steel? Or maybe she’ll go for the quiet type—the piece of kale with a soft heart—’”

Jungkook had to stop there, his lips twitching as he tried with all his might not to burst out in a fit of laughter at that offensive synopsis.

“Okay,” he said simply, snorting. “What the fuck—”

You laughed with him, scooting to the edge of the bed to snatch the book out of his hands. “I know, but are you really telling me you’d be able to see this and not buy it? It’s about fucking vegetables with penises. Vegetable porn.”

“I swear… the books you read sometimes…” he trailed off.

Your bedroom grew quiet then, the only sounds you heard coming from downstairs as both your parents went head to head in a game of monopoly.

“They’re going to be up all night playing, aren’t they?” you asked.

“Until someone ends up crying,” he said. “Probably my mom.”

You tapped your fingers against your bare thighs, glancing around your room aimlessly. Jungkook then fell against your mattress with a sigh and closed his eyes. After a few seconds of silence, he cracked open one eye and just watched you stare straight ahead, your posture stiff as a board.

He grabbed the back of your blouse then, tugging until you fell flat on your back beside him. You scoffed at that but smiled nonetheless, closing your eyes to the feel of his bicep tensing under your head. The two of you had been getting along lately for some reason and you didn’t know what changed exactly.

Although, maybe it was because you were official fuck buddies now.

His other hand reached for you, turning you on your side and slipping beneath your shirt to cup one of your breasts. To his surprise, you weren’t wearing a bra, so he flicked at one of your hardening nipples in appreciation. Jungkook stared into your eyes as he pulled and tweaked at your breasts, gripping them easily with one hand. You closed your eyes, exhaling shakily, one of your hands finding his underneath your shirt and holding it there for a moment.

Then, he suddenly sat up, pulling his arm from under your head and his hand from grasping your breasts. You sighed, falling onto your back again as you looked up at him as he leant over to grab the book he threw to the floor.

When his parents first came over, monopoly game in hand, Jungkook had immediately bounded for your room, only to see you curled into a ball on your bed reading. He’d made fun of you for at least five minutes once he saw the cover but then he volunteered to read it aloud from where you left off.

And there was one particular scene that caught his eye.

He flipped to that exact page, somehow remembering the page number, and then set it down beside you facedown as he stood up to shut your door.

Jungkook walked back over to your bed after he peered down the hallway, listening to the sounds of your parents boisterous laughter and the booming folk music playing from the stereo downstairs, and grabbed the book. Laying beside you once again, he began to read again in his dramatic reading voice.

Kale was in the kitchen when she jogged down the steps, intending to make a smoothie for brunch—or dinner because she didn’t have a concept of time. Sweat dripped from his brow, from his defined collarbones, even down his abdominal muscles, and this made Elise especially turned on down there.

“Why can’t she just fucking say she has a soaked pussy?” Jungkook randomly asked, placing the book down as he looked over at you smiling.

“A lot of erotica authors are married and haven’t had sex since their first child was born,” you explained. “They don’t really like to make the detail graphic.”

“That’s dumb,” he said, then brought the book back to his face to read again.

Without uttering a single syllable, Elise bounded over to him and found a perfect seat in his lap, immediately feeling him grow hard just by her sitting on him.

“You’re so sexy when you’re sweaty, Kale,” she whispered in his ear.

He chuckled darkly. “You’re so sexy when you’re on top of me like this.”

Jungkook slammed the book closed once again and tossed it somewhere behind him, hearing a crash but not really paying much attention. He looked over at you as he wiggled his eyebrows comically and you snorted.

“You look so sexy when you’re laying on a bed,” he whispered.

You turned on your side then and tucked both of your hands beneath your cheek pressed into the mattress. “You look so sexy reading erotica.”

“We should roleplay,” Jungkook suggested, grabbing onto your waist.

You didn’t answer, just arched one of your eyebrows in question.

“I’m Kale,” he began, smirking, “and you’re Elise.”

“And what scene would we be reenacting?”

His smirk widened. “The kitchen scene.”

Without hearing your response, he shot up and then moved to the floor, raising his hips as he undid his belt buckle and slid his jeans down his legs before kicking them off into one corner of your room. With you still lying on the bed, Jungkook hit one of your legs hanging off the edge of the king-sized bed gently.

“Come on,” he called up to you. “I’ll pull you off the bed if I have to.”

Rolling your eyes, you sat up and pulled at your shirt, then stood up to slide your shorts and white underwear past your hips, landing in a pile with Jungkook’s jeans. Slowly, you joined him on the floor, beside him.

“Now what?” you asked.

“Get me ready.”

You were eager—so eager that you completely forgot about grabbing a condom out of your bedside table’s drawer. That thought flew from your mind as soon as he pulled himself out of his boxers, your mouth watering at the sight of him. Reaching forward, you wrapped one of your hands around him and felt him pulsating from under your hand, his skin hot to the touch. You glanced up at him, just as you leant over him and enveloped him in your mouth, closing your eyes at the taste. He wasn’t rock solid when you touched him but you could feel him growing in size and rigidity the further you pulled him into your mouth.

“Ah,” he moaned out, head falling against the edge of your bed. “That’s it.”

Wincing, he hit the back of your throat and you swallowed, causing him to shudder. You patted his thigh and he took that as his signal to start fucking your mouth. As you relaxed your jaw, he started a slow pace as he raised his hips with each thrust into your mouth, moaning softly to himself at the feeling.

Jungkook grabbed the back of your head then and forced you even further down his cock until your nose brushed against the skin of his pelvis.

Moaning around him, he sped up his thrusts. He knew he was already hard enough for you, so he had to physically stop himself from cumming in your mouth as he tugged on your hair to pull you off of him. A string of saliva connected your mouth to his hard cock until you wiped at your mouth.

He relaxed his head against the bed then, panting as he tried to catch his breath, swallowing thickly. You sat against your heels as you waited patiently, feeling yourself drench the back of your calves just at the sight of his neck. Cracking open his eyes, he caught you staring and he smirked to himself.

Jungkook tackled you to the floor then, hovering over you for a moment before he smashed his lips against yours. His hard cock easily slipped between your lips, ghosting over your pussy and you moaned at both the taste of his lips and the feeling of him rubbing against you. You knew you were dripping at this point and were more than ready for him to fuck you, but then that fleeting thought of condom came back. And as his lips slanted over yours, licking at the seam of your lips before sliding inside your mouth, you said that when your lips parted.

“C-Condom,” you managed to say, pulling yourself backwards weakly on the carpet of your bedroom floor as he continued to kiss you roughly.

With each time you slid away from him and towards your bedside table, he crawled after you, pausing you in your journey to kiss you again each time.

Your head slammed into the table then after a few minutes struggle, Jungkook having moved down to your neck to kiss and suck your skin until it was marked in blotches of purple and red. Blindly, you felt behind you for the top drawer, reaching for the handle and pulled on it with all your strength. It slid open and you frantically searched around for the box of condoms, your fingertips touching various cards and hair ties, before finding what you were looking for.

The box fell to the floor, packets of condoms spilling out of it and you tilted your neck back as you tried to grab hold of one of them. Jungkook raised his head to see what you were doing and then helped you, his hand grazing over yours as he grasped one of the condoms and pulled himself off of you to put it on.

You pushed yourself up on your elbows to watch him, struggling to open it with fumbling fingers, then he easily slid the thin latex over his pulsating length.

Without wasting another second, he gripped himself and thrusted into you, grabbing onto your hip once he was filling you to the brim. With your heads nearby a vent, you could still hear your parents screaming at each other as your father apparently lost one of his best properties and stormed out of the room for a smoke presumably. Their laughter flittered up through the vent then but you weren’t really listening to them, just to the sound of Jungkook’s grunts.

Your head slammed into the bedside table as he started a fast pace inside of you, then noticed and quickly pulled you up until you were sitting in his lap.

“Ride me,” he commanded, head resting against the side of the mattress.

You nodded, situating your legs on both sides of him before you hovered your drenched pussy over him. Slowly, you sank down on him and moaned loudly as the head of his cock pushed deep inside of you. His hands came to rest on your hips then, urging you to hurry up. Not listening to him, Jungkook grew impatient and decided to shove you down on him and you gasped out at the feeling of him inside you again—scalding hot. You rocked your hips back and forth, placing your hands on his shoulder then as you raised them back up.

When you slammed back down on him again, your breasts bounced and you couldn’t keep your eyes open. Jungkook was in the same state as he couldn’t even move his head off the edge of the mattress, nonchalantly thrusting up into you each time you came back down on him. You weren’t even roleplaying at this point, just following your lustful urges as you both chased your orgasms.

“I fucking love it when you ride me,” he groaned out huskily, eyes still closed.

Without even opening his eyes, his hands reached around you to grasp at your ass, kneading it for a moment before manipulating how hard you came down on him each time. You cried out, nails digging into the skin of his shoulders and he groaned at the pain. At one particularly loud moan of yours, one of his hands went to cover your mouth. You opened your eyes to look at him and seemed to understand the fact that you were feet away from the vent and if your parents found you two fucking in your bedroom, you would probably get in trouble.

They wanted the two of you together but probably not in that way.

“Go faster,” he told you, lifting your hips so you could slam down on him harder.

You did as he said and soon your breasts began to ache just from how hard they were bouncing with each time you sank down on him.

“Fuck yes,” he moaned, jaw dropping. “Faster, baby. Faster.”

Soon, Jungkook was doing almost all of the work, his hands surely leaving an indent on your skin with how hard he was gripping your hips. Then suddenly, he gripped them so hard that you simply hovered over his cock, only the head still inside of you. Opening his eyes, he stared at you just as he began to fuck into you from below, gritting his teeth as he pounded into you powerfully. You let go of your grip on his shoulders to place your palms flat on the carpet, arching your back and tilting your head backwards as you focused on the sensation.

“Jungkook!” you cried out, your parents on the floor beneath you forgotten.

You clenched around him, your orgasm looming closer, and he grunted. Soon, he wasn’t able to thrust up into you as fast as before and simply flung you to the floor so you were laying on your back. Jungkook situated himself on top of you again and then thrusted inside once more, the new position causing him to reach that much further inside of you. He grabbed one of your legs, spreading your legs as wide as he could as he continued to hammer you into your floor.

He wondered for a moment if they could hear the thuds from above and the occasional squeaking of the floorboards beneath you, but didn’t really care.

His thumb found your clit just as he lowered himself so he could kiss you, tongue sweeping past your lips until you parted them. You moaned into his mouth as soon as he deepened the kiss, legs wrapping around his waist.

His chest jostled forward as his thrusts grew more precise and more rough, and then your head lolled against the carpeted flooring, not even able to do anything but let him have his way with you. You were so fucking close. His thrusts then grew sloppy and his thumb continued to circle your clit.

“Are you almost there?” he breathed out.

Instead of answering him, you just nodded frantically.

“I want to hear you,” he said, fucking into you harder. “Are—you—almost—there—?”

“Yes!” you cried out almost immediately. “I’m so close, Jungkook. Fuck me faster—harder.”

He straightened his back then, disconnecting your lips, and angled your leg so it was perched on his shoulder. He grunted as he concentrated on making you cum all around him, determined to get you there first or you’d scream his ear off. With the combination of the tip of his cock brushing against your g-spot and his thumb pressing down on your clit, you came and clenched around him.

A few more thrusts later, he came as well, spurting his cum into the condom.

He rolled off of you and the two of you breathed heavily, your parents eerily quiet from the vent. And then you heard the tell-tale signs of someone coming up the stairs.

“Go into the bathroom and turn the shower on,” you hissed at him. “I’ll hide under the bed since your fat ass wouldn’t fit.”

Jungkook glared at you but listened to you nonetheless, quickly sitting up and dashing into your bathroom, locking the door behind him as the shower turned on. Your phone buzzed just as you heard your parents’ footsteps down the hall and you grabbed it from your bed before slipping past the bed skirt to hide.

Turning down the brightness, you looked to see who texted you.

JUNGKOOK [18:08:25]: Rate today’s performance out of 10

You shook your head but leant forward on your elbows to respond.

YOU [18:08:55]: i think a solid eight is in order

JUNGKOOK [18:09:29]: That’s an improvement from yesterday’s 6

JUNGKOOK [18:10:02]: Care to share your grading criteria?

Smirking, you lifted up the bed skirt to glance at the bathroom door, seeing his bare feet from underneath it and the light on, then you replied:

YOU [18:10:44]: i actually came this time

As your phone buzzed a few seconds later, you heard your parents knock on the door. Jungkook always had to fuck you in places that could get you caught.

But you realized you would rather have him than some happily ever after, no matter how unhealthy the relationship was for you. It was your body, after all. It was just harmless fucking and it was comforting knowing he would never have feelings for you of any kind. Your bodies just clicked together and that’s all you wanted. And besides, Jungkook wasn’t the only toxic one in this relationship.

You were just as bad for him as he was for you.

And you supposed that made you easy.

#jungkook smut #jungkook imagines #jungkook scenarios #jungkook fanfic #bts smut #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts fanfic #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bts x reader #bts x you #I WASNT GONNA REPLY BUT #if this story just made u feel like shit #then please just dont read it?????? #no one was forcing u to #and these messages werent positive at ALL #i need positive encouragement to feel motivated for this story #and i was so close last night to just going on hiatus #because i just was so uninspired to write ANYTHING #but thankfully i woke up just as angry #but im petty #like please understand that he needs to be a dick??? #what kinda story would this be if he wasnt #a boring one #and their relationship really isnt THAT bad #thats what bothered me #compared to other jungkook stories on this site #this could be much worse #anyways goodbye i already blocked u so

[rayrayswimusic]

Tag Game

tagged by: @yourplisetsky​ (thanks love <3)

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

LAST…

Drink: chocolate milkshake

Phone call: my mom I think? I don’t speak on the phone too much

Text message: I think ....Sydney? one of my uni friends...or my sister (I don’t have my phone rn)

Song you listened to: Tere Liye from Veer Zaara 

Time you cried: Last friday...

HAVE YOU…

Dated someone twice: mate I’ve never dated anyone...

Kissed someone and regretted it: psh...that requires having kissed someone before...

Been cheated on: hahahahhah...no

Lost someone special: yes

Been depressed: ...I’m not sure...I think so?

Gotten drunk and thrown up: haven’t ever drank nor do I plan to

Made new friends: yes

Fallen out of love: ...idek if I’ve fallen in love? I don’t really trust whatever the hell I’ve felt for the past few years for a  couple reasons

Laughed until you cried: no...I don’t think so? 

Found out someone was talking about you: I mean...yeah ofc...both bad and really bad...(a couple good times tho...for example, my best friend once had a conversation with her then boy friend praising me???)

Met someone who changed you: I’d like to think so but really idk? Does that kind of stuff actually happen?

Found out who your friends are: I’m too jaded to ever fully trust someone to know if they’re my true friends haha

Kissed someone from your Facebook list: ....the fuck? no....

Kissed a stranger: nope

Drank hard liquor: nah 

Lost glasses/contact lenses: hahahahhahahh almost one time but luckily I found it before sitting on it xD (they were black and blended into my car seats)

Turned someone down: lol no one has asked me out...and honestly...if you do...I’d like you to seriously reconsider xD

Sex on the first date: good lord nah

Broken someone’s heart: ...I srsly hope I haven’t?

Had your heart broken: romantically? no...the one time I confessed I expected to be rejected...so not really? but friends/family? absolutely....on a near yearly basis pretty much lol

Been arrested: nope

Cried when someone died: idk anyone who’s died....

Fallen for a friend: technically yes...but it’s complicated?

Kissed on the first date: again never kissed or been kissed

GENERAL

List 3 favorite colors: lime green, teal, baby blue

How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: almost all of them?

Do you have any pets: nope!

Do you want to change your name: nah I love my name!

What time did you wake up: today?...10:40am I think? tho I fell asleep around 3am and it’s a Sunday xD

What were you watching at midnight last night: Dan and Phil videos I think?

Name something you can’t wait for: I ordered these really cool pencils that I love!! Can’t wait omg

When was the last time you saw your mom: I live with her so 10 minutes ago

What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I’d like to think that everything I’ve been through has shaped me for who I am....but honestly I wish I could delete the entirety of grades 5-8...

What are you listening to right now: still Tere Liye (it’s on repeat xD)

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i don’t think so?

Something that is getting on your nerves right now: nm rn....Idk...I’m usually in a perpetual state of annoyance to certain things tho...

Most visited website: youtube and Ao3

Mole/s: none

Mark/s: quite a fiew

Childhood dream: architect! I didn’t get encouraged in art tho so I changed my mind....glad to be aiming to be a doctor tho!

Do you have a crush on someone: nah...but reallly idk what my messed up self feels...I’m currently ignoring emotions so that I can have a semblance of calm lol

What do you like about yourself: ....idk?

Piercings: just my ears

Blood type: type A+ I think?

Nickname: Ray Ray/Ray/Ray of sunshine/idk...

Relationship status: single 

Zodiac: sagittarius

Pronouns: she/her

Favorite TV show: Sherlock!

Tattoos: none

Right or left hand: ambidextrous favouring the right

Surgery: as in have I had surgery? nope

Hair dyed in different color: nope still black!

Sport: I swam till I entered uni...haven’t had time since then

Vacation: yeah! I’m heading to the states in a couple weeks (tho technically im on break rn till September xD

Pair of trainers: what does this even mean...like do I own them? yes...do I wear them...only if i have to

Current and all-time best friend name: the fuck idk....

Eye color: weird chocolate/mud brown?

Favorite movie: probably Matilda

WHICH IS BETTER?

Hugs or kisses: I haven’t had the second one...but honestly hugs

Lips or eyes: eyes

Shorter or taller: don’t care

Nice arms or stomach: for me? stomach pleaseeee.....my perceptions of others? whatever the hell they want...i really don’t care

Sensitive or loud: sensitive

Hook up or relationship: relationship

Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

Yourself: ....

Miracles: ...

Love at first sight: ...nah

Santa Claus: hahah I wish I still did!

tagging: @daiyanerd, @chelleinhelle, @okaeri-nasaii, @daiyanodumpster, @pagsywagsy, @katsukifatale, @karasunovolleygays, @n3rdlif343va, @fullmetalkarneval13, @swiftgirl01, @teimi, @leviheichoumasterofsass, @puppybek, @amirahleigh, @onwardtovictuuri, @potclean, @emerald-imperial, @queenofaburiedkingdom, @ladyspiderqueen, @aarglebaargle

#tagged #about me #ray ray rambles #lol it took me so long to find people i actually speak to lol xD

[gheysnakeredacted]

All the asks :3c

Das a lot AND answers all my other ones 

(Warning, gets depressing at some points)

Sunrise or sunset?

Sunrise!

Are you mentally ill?

I mean, I haven’t been diagnosed(yet) but I have a feeling I might have some form of depression. (I’m going to see a doctor soon for sure at some point to test this out) and possible ADHD

Are you physically ill?

Does back pain count?

What is the most expensive thing you have bought?

My entire Disney trip that I paid out of pocket

Do you have a job?

Yes! I have two!

Are you in school?

Ye

Are you a dropout?

Nah

Are you in college?

Ye

Introvert or extrovert?

Somehow, I think i’m in-between. Depends on the day.

What do you think when you look at your body?

Big, has weird ass teeth.

What have others said when they look at your body?

Soft?? idk they say im pretty but only at me eyes.

Do you have a particular song that you feel deeply?

Young and Menace by FOB and just, I have a lot but that is just what i’m hyper-fixated on now (and Fever The Ghost which is a really good animated music video)

Talk about a time in your life where you have felt most alive?

Uhhh probably the last time I went on vaca to NH. Good times.

Are you confident wearing a bikini?

Nah. I’m not even confident wearing a one-piece.

Can you look people in the eyes while talking?

Most of the time, but sometimes I can’t.

Has anything terrible happened to you?

Let’s just leave it at ‘yeah’. 

Has anything wonderful happened to you?

Yee

Favorite part of your personality?

idk I’d have to say how I can make people laugh really easily? 

Least favorite part of your personality?

hyper-sensitive to everyone’s emotions which sucks at points because it can really effect my mood

Favorite part of your body?

Hands?

Least favorite part of your body?

idk?/

Favorite quote?

“The first and simplest emotion which we discover in the human mind, is curiosity” - Edmund Burke   

Do you have friendships with all genders?

Yeah Do you have a good relationship with your father?

So and so. I love him but sometimes he needs to just, chill. 

Do you have a good relationship with your mother?

Absolutely not!

Do you have a good relationship with your siblings?

I mean, my brother hates me unless I buy him food and my sister tries to hard but I think its not on the hate or good. 

Have you ever been hurt physically or mentally by a family member?

Both.

Have you ever had a near death experience?

No?? not that I can think of at least.

Do you know anyone who has taken their own life?

Yeah but I didn’t know him well. 

Have you ever tried to take your own life?

Fortunately no. I haven’t gotten the energy to do such things which is good. 

Biggest lie you have told?

Me telling my parents I’m straight when they asked me about my relationship with another girl. 

Do you follow any conspiracies?

nah

Do you believe in a New World Order?

sure if it makes all this shit around me just Stop.

Do you respect your government and the way your country is run?

What government?? I got no government or President at the moment. Just a monkey and his underlings of death!

Is there currently any strife in your country?

Take a wild fucking guess. 

Have you ever been displaced within your country?

All the time my dude. 

Are your friendships healthy?

Yeah I’d say they’re good! (unless i’m unintentionally being bad to my friend then idk that just egh)

Are you currently fighting with a friend?

Noep

Are you jealous of a friend? Why?

I’m jealous of my friend going to this art school I wanted to go to because I have no money to go but its not their fault. I just wanted to go with them. 

Do you believe in the Illuminati?Do you think any celebrities are associated with the Illuminati? Who?

Nah.

How can people tell you are nervous?

Don’t make eye contact with me at all.

How can people tell you are sad?

Cracking of the voice. 

Do you ever express your true feelings?

Most of the time I don’t have a filter so yeah. I do a lot. 

Regrets in your life?

Not drawing more.

Achievements in your life?

Some of my art got put on display at my college’s art gallery so that was nice. And I bought a car. 

What did people say about you in school?

Gay? Gay.

What did you say about people in school?

I don’t know any of that drama. Not a fuck. 

Is there something you have never told anyone?

Yeah I guess. 

Have you committed an illegal act?

noep

If you had two days to spend one million dollars how would you spend it?

Pay upfront my dream college tuition then pay for a small cozy house and then give the rest to my friends/family. 

What were your aspirations at age 5, 10, 15, 18?

5 I can’t remember, 10 I wanted to paint clouds for a living, 15 I wanted to die, and 18 I wanted to move out of my house AND die. 

Describe your first kiss? Was it how you imagined?

Messy and clumsy. Did not expect, after living in my heterosexuality household, for it to be a girl. 

Growing up were you in a wealthy, average, or low income household?

Average, low income, then average again. 

Are you from a broken marriage?

Yes.

Have you been raised by a solo parent?

No.

Do you know both your parents?

No. 

What colour eyes, hair and skin do you have?

My eyes are grey, my hair is dirty blonde, and my skin is pale. 

Have you abused drugs or alcohol?

No

What languages can you speak?

Just English. 

Do you conform to your societies standards?

To get paid? Yeah. 

Do you cry often?

No. 

Do you tell people what you think of them?

Only when its my close friends and its just sappy compliments. 

Are you comfortable accepting compliments?

I guess, sometimes I feel as though I don’t deserve them though. 

Are you comfortable giving compliments?

ABSOLUTELY!!!

Is any mental illness hindering your life?

My depression sometimes makes it hard to drive without being constantly bombarded with intrusive thoughts. 

Is any physical illness hindering your life?

Nah.

Do you keep up with current events?

So and so. 

What’s the latest news in the world you have heard/read?

Protests against nurses in Boston? idk what it was about though since I saw it briefly while I was at work this morning.

What have you done today?

I got up at 5 am to go to work, then got home to draw a little, and now i’m spending my time doing this. 

Do you sleep well?

Sometimes.

Do you sleep badly?

Most of the time. 

Have you ever hurt anyone because you were hurting?

Yes. 

Has anyone ever hurt you because they were hurting?

Super yes. 

Have you ever had to end a friendship/relationship? Why?

Yes I had to end my relationship with my best friend when I was young, because of our parent’s disputes. 

Have you ever stopped someone from hurting themselves?

Yes..

Has anyone ever stopped you from hurting yourself?

No. 

Do you like your laugh?

idk. 

Are you preparing for an apocalypse? And what kind?

no not really. 

Do you have any funny family stories?

One time I found a garter snake in my old house’s yard and began to run around the adults carrying it. There was a lot of screaming. 

Are you religious?

Not really. 

Do you like to watch true crime shows or movies?

I watched a lot of CSI:Miami and Criminal Minds when I was younger :D

Are you interested in cults?

Nope. 

Would you like to raise a family in your country?

Maybe. 

List some things you wanted in your childhood but never got?

Confidence. 

Is there a large age gap between you and a sibling?

Uhh the biggest age gap I think is my brother which is 9 years. 

Are you from a blended family?

Yes!

Do you believe in marriage? Why/Why not?

I only believe in marriage if there is good communication and a good understanding of each other. 

What is the nicest thing anyone has said to you?

One time, this little girl came up to the window and she said I was beautiful. I almost started to cry. (and like, my friends complimenting me that makes my day too)

Do you keep a journal?

I used to! Don’t got time for that now!

Would anyone be hurt by reading it?

I mean second hand embarassment if you read my old one. 

Do you have children?

No

Have you been pregnant?

No!!

List your favorite movies?

The Iron Giant, Scooby Doo and The Cyberchase/Alien Invaders, The Lego Movie, idk just a lot of movies. 

List your favorite people?

uhhh my friends, just. All of them? Too many to name but I love them all. 

Talk about the birthmarks and scars on your body?

I have a crescent shaped scar/indention on my face because I rammed myself into a coffee table when I was young. 

Do you look after yourself?

Lol no. 

Do you put yourself or others first?

Ye!

Are you happy today?

Sort of. 

Are you loved?

I think so? 

#kiku answers #/negative #at some points #;w; thank u

[wizard-in-olympus]

1 - 102 and if you answer them all i'll do the same.. thats the deal

its a deal then

this is gonna be long

                                                         1. Think of the last person who said I love     you, do you think they meant it?                                    

it was mydad so, yeah                           

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age     you are now?

        im 18, so obviously i would

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated     and happy at the same time?

when i left college, 5 months ago. i’ll be back next semester

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

i’ve done it, what’s the big deal?

5. Is there someone mad because you’re     dating/talking to the person you are?

i dont think she knows and i dont think she’d even care

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of     someone today? 

yeah andit was awful

 7. What exactly are you wearing right     now?

i’ve heard that line right there too many times, you sound like a 15 yearold trying to get nudes. anyways, im wearing blue pjs

8. How often do you listen to music?

on long rides, while studying, while doing chores, while reading, whilewasting my time on social media. so, most of the time i guess

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? 

jeans

10. Do you think your life will change     dramatically before 2015?                   

ok its 2017 already but im gonna change it to “...change dramaticallybefore 2018?″. not so much, it has changed a lot in a year already

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

social

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name     begins with the letter ‘A’?

yes, my guy best friend, we were both drunk, shit happens. it kind ofbrought us together as friends hahaha

13. What about ‘R’?

no

14. Can you drive a stick shift? 

thats the only type of vehicle i drive

15. Do you care if people talk badly about     you?

i’d like to say no but yeah, i do. it depends on what people tho

16. Are you going out of town soon?

probably tomorrow. i go “out of town” a lot

17. When was the last time you cried?

i dont remember. about two months ago i think

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

yeah.huge mistake

19. If you could change your eye color, would     you?

maybe i’d change my eyes from hazel to a deeper green

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely     everything for?

i thinkso

21. Name something you dislike about the day     you’re having.

i haven’t finished the essay i was gonna present today, now i’ll have topresent it tomorrow                                                      

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your     forehead?

i loveit, yesss

23. Are you dating the last person you talked     to?

no

24. What are you sitting on right now?

my couch

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family)     tell you they love you?

my bestfriend

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t     have?

i do

27. Who was the last person you talked to     before you went to bed last night?

mybrother

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

no, i get colds once a year, twice a year tops

  29. Where is the shirt you are wearing     from?

idk, idc

 30. Does anyone hate     you?

i thinkso. im sorry

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles     hidden somewhere in your room?

no, im asocial drinker

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

hate them

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

hell no

34. If you had to delete one year of your life     completely, which would it be?

either 2014 or 2015. big parts of 2016 too... maybe a little bit of thisone but its been the best year i’ve ever lived since 2013.

35. Did you have a dream last night?

yeah, the seniors in my old high school were 10x better than last yearseniors -when i was a senior- and teachers loved them (teachers hated mygeneration) and they all graduated from IB and had their diplomas linned up inthe hall (i didnt graduated from IB or get the diploma and everyone hated me bci was the only student in my generation that failed and so no one could say“gen16 was a 100% IB generation! the first one in this high school!” bc of me)

36. When was the last time you told someone     you loved them?

a coupleof weeks ago

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

i hopenot

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

a couple of people, tiny andd small feelings but i now they do

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you     right now?

maybe wondering what happened to me, yeah. but probably no one is

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

yes, areally good one

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a     relationship?

not a serious one but yeah

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out     with a girl?

yeah, lots of girls. but im a girl and i like boys so who cares if ihang out with a girl

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to     ever lose you?

yes and lots of times and they did lose me. i just couldn’t handle themany longer, my patience couldn’t take it anymore, it had been YEARS of dealingwith the same shit and enough was enough. but i couldn’t break theirheart so i just told them i had changed and left. that probably makes me anasshole but idc

44. What’s the best part about school?

meeting new people all the time, learning new amazing things and gettingto test them and the late night bar celebrations when we nailed a test

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

of course, why wouldn’t i?

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in     school?

i used to do that in 7th grade, not anymore

47. Do you replay things that have happened in     your head?

yes i wish i could change so many things, so many situations in which idid the wrong thing

48. Were you single over the last summer?

oh yeah and i had never been so happy of being single

49. Is your life anything like it was two     years ago?

just a little bit but it has changed A LOT and im grateful for it

50. What are you supposed to be doing right     now?

finishingmy essay...

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a     conversation with?

im hating him rn but most of the time i love that guy. stupid guys

52. Are you nice to everyone?

most people. im not nice to one single person but im nice to the rest ofthe human population. fuck that bitch tho

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t     expect to?

i’ve only liked people i didn’t expect to. except one guy probably.

54. Do you think you can last in a     relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

i’ve never cheated, i think i can last a lifetime without cheating.cheating is a horrible thing to do, i don’t wish it on anybody

 55. Are you good at hiding your     feelings?

i used to be very good, lately i suck at it but idc anymore, its ok

56. Do you think you like someone?

kind of

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts     with a ‘J’?

yes and i would do it again

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or     boys?

girls are sketchy, boys are chill. i get along better with guys but theyare also clueless idiots so... some guys

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you     cry?

yes

60. Do you hate anyone?

no

61. How’s your heart?

confused but healthy and happy like it hasn’t been in years

62. Is there something that happened in your past     that you hate talking about?

plenty ofthings

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

no and i dont plan on ever doing it

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap     about you right now?

the same boring bitches that always have, “”friends”“ and also their stupidparents that care too much about what i do with my life. fuck off

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

no

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

i really hope not, not again

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry;     correct?

no, i hate sensitive, dramatic people. if he cries for a good reasonthen ok but i wouldn’t love it, i’d be sad for him too

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in     public?

no

69. Who was the last person you were on the     phone with?

my bestfriend from Peru

70. How do you look right now?

ok, butmessy

71. Do you have someone you can be your     complete self around?

plenty of people (family and friends), im an open book                 

72. Can you commit to one person?

yes, but it looks like however made this questions cant

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex     you can tell everything to?

thought i did, turns out i dont

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

yes, a couple of times. always by friends tho

75. Did you wake up cranky?

not today, i had an amazing night of sleep

76. Are you a jealous person?

no

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

yes yes yes, SO WORTH IT. you just have to find the right person

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

not rn

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

more like craving to see him. fuck my life

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

turn in this stupid essay i’ve mentioned twice already

81. Last person you cried in front of?

bestfriend

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

yeah

83. Do you think the person you have feelings     for is protective of you?

a littlebit

84. If the person you wish to be with were     with you, what would you be doing right now?

probably taking a walk and talking and staring at his beautiful smile

85. Are you over your past?

most of it. the latest “past” is still haunting me but im getting overit slowly

86. Have you ever liked one of your best     friends of the opposite sex?

not morethan physical attraction

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING     to?

three tofour people

88. If your first true love knocked on your     door with apology and presents, would you accept?

if i had one i could answer this. i think i kind of did and i wouldn’taccept it

89. So, the last person you kissed just     happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

what do you want??, what is the matter with you??, what on earth are youdoing here?? FUCK OFF.

90. Have you ever liked someone who your     friends hated?

yes                                                 

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

no

92. Is there anyone you know with the name     Michael?

yeah

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

i live in Costa Rica, im latina. guys here have names like “Jose, JuanPablo, Andres, Gerardo, Alonso”, not “Matthew, James”. so of course i haven’t

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

no and i lived the single life at its finest

95. Were you happy with the person you liked     in March?

no

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you     texted attractive?

he’s a fucking model for fuck’s sakes, he’s a GOD. he’s so hot. why am ifriends with him?? itcomplicates everything

97. Who do you have texts from?

my best friends, my guy friends, my family group chat, my girl friendsgroup chats, my crush

98. If the person you like says they like     someone else, what would you say?

thats great, and do you think she likes you? hey good luck! *pretends idont have feelings and keeps on being a good friends*

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than     you?

the first person i ever kissed was a year older than me

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

ok in my tumblr icon im with my best friend, in my whatsapp, twitter andfacebook profile pictures im alone

101. Ever kissed under     fireworks?

no

  102. Has anybody ever given you     butterflies?

no

done!  that took me like an hour damn... sorry to the people who’s dashboard i interrupted with this post

[inheritedgrief-a-blog]

Munday Meme

Answer the 56 truths about you, then tag people. Please repost, don’t reblog.

TAGGED BY: @imthcboss TAGGING: anyone who wants to do it !!

WHAT WAS YOUR:

LAST BEVERAGE: sprite LAST CALL: ?? tbh i dont even remember probs my mom LAST TEXT: “YAY FOR PRODUCTION” LAST SONG: ummmmmmm idr  LAST CRY: Earlier today because i had to say goodbye to the ocean :’(

HAVE YOU EVER:

DATED SOMEONE TWICE: yep BEEN CHEATED ON: lmao twice pretty much KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: yes LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: not through death but i have lost friendships with people i really cared about BEEN DEPRESSED: still am  BEEN DRUNK AND THREW UP: never been drunk LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS: baby blue, lilac purple, rose pink

LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU:

MADE A NEW FRIEND: yes i have FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: not??? really??? LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: definitely MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: maybe?? idk FOUND OUT WHO YOUR TRUE FRIENDS ARE: not really FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: as of rn no

FIRSTS:

FIRST SURGERY: never had surgery FIRST PIERCING: ears FIRST BEST FRIEND: idr tbh probs someone still living maryland FIRST SPORT YOU JOINED: t-ball FIRST VACATION: ummmmmmmm idk a beach in maryland i think?? FIRST PAIR OF TRAINERS: is it bad im not entirely sure what trainers are?? are those sneakers?? do you expect me to remember my first pair of sneakers??

RIGHT NOW:

EATING: nothing but i might make a small dinner soon DRINKING: nothing I’M ABOUT TO: make food and get dressed for rehearsal WAITING FOR: 7:00pm when i drive to rehearsal

YOUR FUTURE:

GET MARRIED: hopefully CAREER: fingers crossed i can break my way into show business PLACE TO LIVE: not really sure rn but preferably somewhere that snows

WHICH IS BETTER:

LIPS OR EYES: eyes HUGS OR KISSES: i don’t get either ever but both SHORTER OR TALLER: most people are taller than me so OLDER OR YOUNGER: idk older i guess but not like too much ROMANTIC OR SPONTANEOUS: both probs NICE STOMACH OR NICE ARMS: i don’t really?? care?? SENSITIVE OR LOUD: idk exactly what this means but i guess sensitive?? LONG FINGERS OR BROAD PALMS: long fingers HOOK-UP OR RELATIONSHIP: relationship TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: hmmmmmmm both???

HAVE YOU EVER:

KISSED A STRANGER: never DRANK HARD LIQUOR: nope LOST GLASSES/CONTACTS: i thought i lost my glasses several times lol SEX ON FIRST DATE: nope BROKE SOMEONE’S HEART: does it count if it was in middle school?? and tbh i think he got over it in like a week BEEN ARRESTED: nope TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: sorta??? i’ve never been asked out but someone told me they liked me and i told them i was sorry i didn’t feel the same way FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: lmao so many times CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

YOURSELF: it comes and goes LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: idk tbh HEAVEN: i’m not going to say no?? but im not saying yes either?? SANTA CLAUS: i want to ANGELS: again??? yes and no??? KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: i mean you do you but don’t force it

#|| ❃ ~'' ˢᵗᶤᶜᵏ ᶤᵗ ᵗᵒ ᵗʰᵉ ᵐᵃᶰ ( ooc ) #|| ❃ ~'' ᶤ ᶜʳʸ ʷʰᵉᶰ ᶤ ᵐᵉᵉᵗ ᶜᵉˡᵉᵇʳᶤᵗᶤᵉˢ ( about the mun )

[kietamitai]

An extremely long vent and personal thoughts post

I have to title it because it is what it is. And honestly, I’m going to explain everything that’s been going on with my personal feelings, mental/emotional state, and current situation. 

I have somewhat vented/talked about this on twitter but making a long post on my blog seems to be much better. This is likely to be my last resort of anything. Nothing bad will happen but this is to tell you that I am currently not in a good mood.

All I ask is that if you read the post, just like the post. And maybe give it a few days before asking if I am alright. DO NOT REPLY TO THIS OR SEND ME A MESSAGE I BEG OF YOU (I am not saying it to be avoidant like I will end up sounding angry if you do).

Don’t read it if you’re not in the right mood to read it. It has some questionable bits but yeah.

OK so on the first and forefront of current situation cause it’s probably the shortest.

Personally speaking, nothing is happening at home, however, I am left with a vague sense of I have to do something because everyone in the family sees me as lazy and undisciplined.

I am worried that if I started to move, that everything is going to go pretty bad. This fear is completely normal on any standard, but the problem is that this feeling is immensely different from what people may think.

Since I had recently learned about people with ADHD having Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), everything I have experienced up until this point finally makes sense.

It is that fear of unwanted “rejection” and “negative response/feedback.”

Needless to say, some things have happened in the past that drastically shaped who I am today and my rather laid back personality, but this fear of failure came as a result. It can sometimes make me immobile.

When I get paranoid over whether or not I fuck something up, I LITERALLY FREAK OUT SOMETIMES OK?

But aside from this foreboding feeling about needing to do something (which will come in due time because I have a feeling that I’ll take that step out there sooner or later), here’s the more social part of the situation.

After what feels like I offended a friend and some what apologizing and owning up to my own reactions, I sorta ended getting slapped in the face with them implying that they don’t care. Like, I have a feeling that it’s not what they actually meant, but it’s also quite obvious that if I tried to ask for clarification, I will get yelled at for being stupid and I HATE THAT THE MOST CAUSE I GET THAT A LOT.

And this is just on the personal side of things— I dunno what their intentions or implications are. They just don’t seem to want to say that it is possibly their fault that it happened, even when I pointed it out that it is. And well, they seem to have misinterpreted the whole point of my message as well, but I just gave up on even trying to clarify myself any further cause I just woke up from a nap at the time and I almost didn’t even want to respond to that with the way they word it.

I’d rather not go into detail about that since it is an insanely minor thing, but with the way they sorta avoid me in general, it just feels like they’re scared of me or something. I’m not one to push on to make someone uncomfortable for answers so if they read this and recognize it’s them, good job I guess? 

I’m probably not on their radar anyways cause they got their own shit to worry about, so really, I’d only be surprised if they ended up reading this pile of mess and then going up to my IM/ask and be like, “You fuck ass are u talking shit about me?”

On that, it is only complicated feelings coming from me. I’m not here to shit on someone for their circumstances, but in the meantime, I’m avoiding them cause like I feel like if I start talking again, I WILL FUCK UP REALLY BADLY or even worse, THEY WILL FLAT OUT JUST IGNORE ME.

My answer will most likely not be positive with them specifically if questioned in such a rude way.

And RSD likes to make things worse on the social side of things even if I simply just want to check up on them and ask if they’re doing alright. Similar situations has happened before, and when that happens, trust me, that’s when I know a friendship isn’t meant to be. I am not distant because I don’t know how to get close to people.

It’s happened too many times. Really, even if it hurts, I have to stop caring and let it go.

But on that regard, after talking to some more people, I end up getting this feeling of... isolation. I had read somewhere that ADHD may make it so that it ends up feeling like I can’t connect to people.

It sorta reels in the whole experience.

It isn’t like I want their kind of friendship, but in any friendship, I can tell that I don’t get a lot of attention. It’s like seeing a friend connect to another friend better than you can connect to either of them. I’ve always been left alone a lot so honestly, it’s nothing new.

I don’t like it when people are too too clingy to me but when they’re insanely distant, it makes me feel like my existence is just around for them to waste time.

In most cases, I just end up asking for people to say hi to me or something and get no response. Well, I know everyone has lives to run, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling insanely bitter or even bad to the point where I feel like I’ve been annoying and trying too hard and people are just FED UP with my antics and choosing to ignore me. 

After a while, you get used to the feeling and you stop caring.

But in summary, if I had done a small mistake that warranted a negative response (or in a way I perceive it as negative) then I will remember that for a long time and my fear is that you’ll bring it up again cause by that time, you’ve already seen me in a different light and you’ll probably subconsciously remember it and maybe bring it up subtly where I’ll be like “o fuck did I fuck up again” and PARANOIA ENSUES.

Another summary is that I’ve been feeling like I’m lacking a sense of self again.

This isn’t an uncommon dilemma. I’ve never given it much thought as long as I can make it believable to an extent. I stopped caring because I’ve been disciplined a lot for smaller things and been compared.

Not to mention a big part of it happened when the grandma I live with decided to berate me one day. That was the day I felt like a stranger to my own family.

I’ve been living with constant less praise and more reprimanding. When people praise me, I am happy, but I am always left feeling that I am deceiving them.

People call me one thing but I dunno which am I. I have come to find out that it is who I am. I am probably like a chameleon lol

But really, I have a terrible sense of self and sometimes when I really think about it, I have no idea what really makes up me. I’ve been collecting and amassing different personalities and stuff like that.

Perhaps that knowledge is how I come to understand people fairly easily.

The more I try to find out more about myself, the more I end up losing a sense of who I am. The less I try, the more I end up feeling like nothing.

My feelings of being worthless isn’t because of any emotional reason, it is a fairly logical reason. I am simply not someone that resources should go to.

In fact, sometimes I wish I can suffer, but apparently, I can’t have that either. It takes too much time for me to just make myself suffer, it’s just easier to do nothing. I don’t even have the energy to make myself hated enough to want to be forgotten. 

From drifting between being worthless and having my mistakes rebound on me, making it more than enough for me to want to stab myself, to feeling just slightly better about my day, it has been kinda tough.

Sometimes it’s not that I want to think about it and sometimes it just happens as a thought. But sometimes, something triggers my thoughts.

I’ve been having a lot of thoughts and well I’ve started to notice that it’s making me less likely to do stuff I wanted to do or just to do anything at all.

I am for once getting in to a unstable state of mind.

It could be that I am drained from watching my other grandma for the past month and a half, or that I feel like I’m being RUSHED to do something people expect me to do.

I don’t know if what I’m thinking about doing is the right choice.

I’m not sure if I’m important to people anymore. I feel like an expendable. Do people even care about me enough to understand how I feel? Do people know me enough to tell me, they know me? Do people really know who I am?

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m joking about dying or not. It sometimes feels like it’d be better if I can somehow die and be forgotten.

None of these feelings are new, perhaps maybe thinking that death is a fiscally better and logical option might be something a little more new.

I don’t know any more at times. My feelings tend to fluctuate daily and I have days where I’m a little better off then most lol

It’s probably also this bad because jet lag and some stuff making me really anxious??

I dunno but since I was getting distracted, I have no idea what I wanted to type by the time I got to this point. But I’ll end off with something—

I’ve always felt pretty meh about life. Perhaps MAYBE due to ADHD, it may influence my own ability to stay emotionally attached/devoted for too long. It’s almost like feeling you’re both half full and half empty when I’m not feeling anything really. But I guess it was better than the me before I turned 20.

Perhaps that’s just me. I haven’t been feeling like... myself.

It’s a little hard to explain, but what else can I do than to wait it out?

I never experience a feeling for long anyways lol

My days have been feeling kinda dreadful and tiring. Idk if I can keep up with people in general anymore.

This is probably what I get for being who I am.

#teru's incessant mumbling #negativity/////