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ineffable-suffering · 6 months

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Re: "You go too fast for me, Crowley", because I think I finally figured out the real meaning behind that line

Naturally, this line of all lines, the most line of them all, is constantly circling around my rotten brain like a moth around a flame.

In addition, though, there's always been another Good Omen's line/exchange that has kept bothering me again lately. And literally until just about five minutes ago, I had never thought of relating them back to each other.

Now, five minutes later, I have and I think I just ... figured it out.

In case you were wondering: The second line that wouldn't leave my head is what Aziraphale says to Crowley during their clandestine meeting at St. James' Park in 1862 when Crowley asks him for Holy Water:

A: "I'm not bringing you a suicide pill, Crowley!"

And here's what bugs me about this: Why did Aziraphale, without a breath of hesitation, immediately assume Crowley wanted the Holy Water to commit suicide if things ever went wrong?

That's ... such a dark assumption to make. Especially because that is absolutely not what Crowley wanted it for, as he literally says himself:

C: "That's not what I want it for, just insurance."

And what does Aziraphale reply?

A: "I'm not an idiot, Crowley!"

Because he firmly, firmly believes that Crowley is asking him to bring him the Holy Water as a foolproof method of taking his own life in case Heaven and Hell ever find out about them.

To this day, that conversation gives me chills whenever I think about it. We so rarely get see what genuine emotions and thoughts for and about Crowley Aziraphale keeps neatly tucked away behind that tightly buttoned waistcoat of his. This moment in 1862 is one of the very rare ones where his façade slips a little – and the peak we get isn't a fun one. It's a very dark, scared and vulnerable one.

What am I on about and how does this all relate to the infamous "You go too fast for me, Crowley"-line? Let's look at it under the cut.

(Word count: 2560 | Reading time: ~10 min. | TW: mentions of suicide)

Like I mentioned up above, it always struck me to my core that Aziraphale very clearly immediately assumes Crowley wants the Holy Water for possible suicide. Not only is that a very dark and upsetting thought, it also poses the question: Why? Why is that the first place Aziraphale's mind goes to?

Crowley says at the very beginning of their conversation:

C: "We have a lot in common, you and me."

He's definitely referring to their (very mutual) relationship Arrangement and the fact that they both find themselves kept apart and watched by their respective head offices, not allowing them to ever misstep and give themselves away.

After bickering around a little like they do, Crowley asks his favour – and he makes it very clear in a quiet and serious voice that:

C: "This is something else. [...] For if it all goes wrong."

He's not just talking about Heaven or Hell finding out about some silly frivolous miracles, no. He's talking about them finding out about their Arrangement, their relationship. The worst of all worst case scenarios.

So bad, in fact, that he doesn't even ask his favour out loud but instead decided to write it down.

Aziraphale's reaction is ... severe.

We immediately see his face drop as, he too, realizes that this is all of a sudden a very serious conversation indeed. And he immediately and vigorously denies Crowley's request because he thinks it to be one for a suicide pill.

To understand how he could arrive at that lightning-quick (and also wrong) conclusion, we have to try and understand how Aziraphale sees Crowley and the threat that the angel himself as well as their relationship poses to Crowley.

Crowley can, at times, be a very self-deprecating and cynical character. He's without a doubt carrying a lot of trauma and unspoken fears and emotions with him at all times. Aziraphale at this point in their relationship probably has a good notion of what those are – but he doesn't know the whole depth of it because they've never been able to speak freely enough and Crowley has seemingly decided to keep many-a things to himself, still. They both tread the waters of plausible deniability very well.

So, to jump to the conclusion of Crowley entertaining suicidal thoughts in the face of unavoidable danger is ... quite a violent jump. And remember: "[...] underneath it all, Crowley was an optimist. If there was one rock-hard certainty that had sustained him through the bad times then it was utter surety that the universe would look after him."

So, what is it that Aziraphale does know that would drive him to such a drastic conclusion when, in reality, secret optimist Crowley only ever wanted the Holy Water to protect himself against Hell to come out safe on the other end of things?

2500 BC, Land of Uz: A: "That [going along with Heaven/Hell as far as you can] sounds, um ..." C: "Lonely? Yeah." A: "But you said it wasn‘t." C: "I‘m a demon. I lied."

After Crowley helps Aziraphale out in Edinburgh in 1827, Crowley is immediately sucked back down to Hell We don't know what exactly happened after that or just how long Crowley was gone. We also don't know if Crowley ever told Aziraphale what happened, once he returned. What we and Aziraphale do know, is that Crowley ends up asking him for Holy Water, out of the blue, only a couple of decades later.

1601, The Globe: A: "But if Hell finds out [about the Arrangement], they won't just be angry. They'll destroy you." (additionally, later in time, C: "My lot does not send rude notes.")

Ergo: It's very clear that Aziraphale seems to have put two and two together with his own angel math by what he has a) witnessed himself and b) what Crowley has said himself which equals: In going against Hell, Crowley has felt incredibly lonely before he had Aziraphale by his side and if Heaven and Hell were to ever find out about them, Hell's punishment would be a whole lot worse than Heaven's.

He thinks Hell would destroy Crowley.

So when Crowley, who so rarely says how he really feels and one of the few times he did, told Aziraphale he was lonely, says he wants the Holy Water, the immediate conclusion Aziraphale comes to is: He wants it as an emergency exit. In case things go pear-shaped. He wants it to escape whatever dreadful punishment Hell would have in stock for such a lonely traitor. He wants it as a suicide pill.

For Aziraphale to not even entertain the thought or believe that Crowley does indeed only want the Holy Water as a means of self-defense is, again, absolutely heartbreaking. Because it tells us a thing or two just how scared and desperate Aziraphale thinks Crowley to be. Something along the lines of: "If I myself am already so immensely terrified of Hell's punishment for Crowley, how terrified must Crowley be."

I think a whole lot of this is also very, very strong projection and shows us how Aziraphale himself feels about all of it. How scared he is for himself and Crowley. Of what would be done to them.

A: „Out of the question! Do you know what trouble I'd be in if they knew I‘d been ... fraternizing?“

He knows they would both suffer immense consequences and that Crowley‘s still would be worse. If anything, in a dark and twisted way, it shows that Aziraphale himself has definitely entertained the idea of suicide as a concept, at least. Maybe not for himself or Crowley, yet, but remember, he‘s awfully fond of Shakespeare‘s Hamlet.

A: „To be or not to be? Buck up, Hamlet!“

Yeah, buck up indeed. (By the way, there's a great meta by @greenthena on why Aziraphale likes Hamlet so much that kind of plays into my point a little. You can read it here).

And again, who knows what Aziraphale might have actually witnessed of Hell's cruel ways already in the past (Edinburgh of 1827, or at other times) that made him arrive at the conclusion that, ultimately, suicide would be the less painful choice for Crowley when faced with Hell's consequence for their relationship.

I told you this was gonna take a bit of a darker turn. So, here we are. At the turn. It doesn't get much lighter from here on out, I'm afraid.

Because all of this gives "You go too fast for me, Crowley" a whole new devastating meaning.

Personally, I always found it a teensy bit difficult to relate that line back to Aziraphale implying that Crowley was trying to push their relationship a little too fast for him.

Deducing that as the meaning of "You goo to fast for me" after we were shown in the montage of S1E3 that Aziraphale, from circa 1941 on, was undoubtedly fully aware of just how madly in love he was with Crowley, has always felt odd to me. And it continued to feel even odder after we got the whole story of 1941 in S2.

Because if that minisode showed us anything, it's that if you let Aziraphale take over the metaphorical wheel for about five minutes, "too fast" doesn't even match the astronomical speed with which he crashes head first into 15th base. Forget the hand holding and kissing, let's go straight to you shooting me on the first date I planned for us!

And they say romance is dead.

Now look, of course, Aziraphale is still keeping most of his romantic feelings and longing bottled up out of fear that Heaven and Hell could find out about them and have Crowley destroyed. We've established that this very big fear of his is the driving factor behind him never trying to overstep that invisible line.

But still, those feelings? They're there. Oh, Hell, they are t-h-e-r-e.

Our angel is a master of self-delusion but not even he is holy enough to deny the fact that, if he could, he'd want nothing more than to lock that demon down and elope together into their happily-ever-after.

So, when Aziraphale finally budges and hands over the Holy Water to Crowley in 1967, I've always had a hard time believing that that line coming from Mr. "I guess there's something to be said for shades of grey" himself actually meant: "I'm not ready yet, you want to go faster than I do."

Because really, apart from trying to convince Aziraphale of the Arrangement and rescuing him from every silly, coincidental predicament the angel has gotten himself into over the millennia, what exactly is it that Crowley did here to "go too fast"? Hell, he's been at it at the pace of a snail ever since, very well knowing that Aziraphale would take a lot of gentle nudging and lunch temptations invitations to agree with the Arrangement.

All Crowley does in that moment in the car is offer Aziraphale a lift, anywhere he wants to go. And yes, that is code their little dance, that is how he shows his love for Aziraphale. But Aziraphale has never before deemed that an issue or seen it as a too-fast progression of their relationship. He even suggests another date himself two seconds later, saying:

A: "Perhaps we could go for a picknick one day. Dine at the Ritz."

So, what, one sentence later he suddenly wants to hit the breaks again? After he literally looked like this the last time Crowley drove (literally way too fast) through burning London?

Nah, I'm not buying it.

Instead, here's what I think Aziraphale really means with this line that changed us all (and I'm sorry, but I'm about to one-up the sadness of the 1862 meeting):

I think Aziraphale is referring to what he thinks is the reason Crowley wants the Holy Water for.

Suicide.

And boy-fucking-howdy, does that change the game.

Because if we assume that Aziraphale, all throughout the one-century-long Holy Water standoff, thought Crowley wanted it as a quick, ahem, Escape From Everything, what I think Aziraphale really means with "You go too fast for me" is this:

To him, Crowley is asking the most cruel deed of him to bring him the one thing that could take Crowley away from Aziraphale for good. For ever. In case things go pear shaped. In case Hell finds out about them and comes after Crowley.

To Aziraphale, Crowley is asking him to load the bullet into his gun for the time it won't be a trick. So he can escape before Hell gets to him.

More devestatingly, I think Aziraphale even understands where that notion comes from. Aziraphale knows how dangerous their relationship is. And Hell does not send rude notes. So, I think after pondering on it for a good millennia, part of him has come to understand why Crowley would want an emergency exit.

Which is absolutely fucking heartbreaking.

Especially because that's not even what Crowley was thinking when he made his request. He truly only wanted it as a defense. But Aziraphale doesn't believe or fully realize that. Aziraphale believes the Holy Water is a suicide pill and to some extent even understands why Crowley might want that.

And yet, despite (wrongly, but well) understanding Crowley's intentions, Aziraphale is still deeply upset and terrified at the thought of Crowley taking his own life should they ever get caught. Which explains his extreme reaction all the way back at their clandestine meeting at St. James' Park.

Aziraphale assuming Crowley's way out of the most pear-shaped situation of them all would be suicide also means that Aziraphale would be the one who'd be ... well, left behind.

He recognises that choosing death over possible eternal punishment is maybe somewhat of an understandable choice. And yet, it's a choice that, to him, Crowley has made without him. Seemingly way before their first talk about it.

Aziraphale thinks Crowley seems to have made up his mind about his escape plan without him in it.

He thinks that if they were caught, Crowley would want some Holy Water around to quickly chug before he would be at Hell's mercy and that would be it.

Crowley would, for the first time ever, really leave. Not just for Alpha Centauri. But actually leave. Escape and run away to a point of no return. For good. Without Aziraphale. To a place where Aziraphale couldn't follow him, no matter how fast he tried to run himself.

It goes a little something like:

"If they found out about us, you would choose to go where I couldn't follow. And you're asking me to pave the road for you to walk there. Without me ever being able to get a say in walking alongside you. You want to go to places where I could never join you. You'd run away without me and I understand why but you didn't even give me a chance to catch up. You go too fast for me, Crowley."

F*ck, man. I think I need to lie down.

Y'know what else that gives new meaning to?

Alright, that's it, I'm out. Enough sad meta-ing for the day. See you all around once I've stopped slipping further into the void, folks. :')

#good omens #good omens meta #my own meta #good omens season 2 #good omens 2 #gos2 #go2 #good omens s2 #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #you goo too fast for me crowley #aziraphale is master of projection #i made myself sad with this #The Arrangement #holy water #im gonna go read fluff now bye

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tacit-semantics · 2 years

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It’s 3am which means it’s finally time. Dirk OCD posting under the cut. cw for in depth descriptions of compulsive behaviors regarding scrupulosity (moral), violent intrusive thoughts (alluded to, non-graphic), and contamination, as well as mentions of self harm. If you’re prone to picking up obsessions or compulsions through reading about them, I would suggest skipping out on this one

So first of all I wanna say that this is not intended to function as a set of assumptions/inferences that point towards dirk having ocd in canon so much as a set of ways in I, as a person with ocd, saw myself in him. It’s a very… enthusiastic headcanon of mine though so this switches back and forth between long winded babbling and then its canon inspiration depending on how excited I am at any given moment. Also, disclaimer: ocd can manifest in a whole bunch of ways, and a lot of them are super specific to the person in question, which is to say that I’ll be drawing a lot (but not entirely, on account of the fact that there’s very much a limit as to what I’m willing to discuss regarding me specifically) from personal experience for the sole reason that that’s how I best understand the disorder. Now, getting into it!

- first things first: he’s got scrupulosity obsessions, I think, specifically moral. Very, very afraid of hurting the people close to him, which in turn manifests as a sort of hypervigilance in everything he says and does. I think that in this context the knowledge of Bro would be equally devastating and necessary in that he’s concrete proof of the worst case scenario, and acceptance of that possibility is necessary to overcome ocd, but also like. I don’t think theres much in the way of mental health accommodations on post apocalyptic earth (much the same as current earth actually), so in practice this would just be Bad.

- speaking of hypervigilance: his attention always being split between his physical body and his dream self reminded me a lot of how a solid chunk of my brains processing power is always devoted to various bullshit, even if the rest of me’s working on autopilot. I also think he’d be the sort to assume that not anticipating a threat to his loved ones counts as a failure, so he’s always on guard/trying to stop things before they start/jumping at shadows, effectually. For me this manifested as a contamination fear but I don’t think that would track here I think he’d be more along the lines of trying to predict his loved one’s actions and putting out imaginary/preemptive fires accordingly

- this would also work well with his fear of manipulation I think. Like he’s so worried about his actions being controlling that he tries to prod at THEIR actions to ‘protect’ them from him which ends up as a sort of bizarre self fulfilling prophecy

-information hoarder. He’s taken the tests, he’s read the articles, he knows what’s wrong with him (he thinks) but also doesn’t want to use it as an excuse (he thinks) and also gets thrown into spirals when his actions don’t match up exactly with the information he’s gathered. I also think it would be fun to try and puzzle out mental health bullshit through the juggalo-internet. Not fun for him, but for me thinking about it

-hal is basically an extended study in rumination. Dirk needs definitive proof of himself and his motives, and well. Hal is not that, but I can see how he might have been intended to serve that function

-reassurance seeker but like in the way where he continually asserts to other people that he’s bad. In his mind this functions as a warning so that they know to be on guard around him. He worries about this being a sort of manipulation too, of course. Nothings ever easy.

-this gets more difficult when he goes from living alone and isolated to living with other people, I think, because now there’s an added layer of ways he has to worry about hurting them.

-if you didn’t know, a super common way for ocd to manifest is (unwanted and frightening) intrusive thoughts about hurting others in one way or another. I think it’d make sense for him to develop obsessions like these once he starts sharing physical space with other people. Like meals and the like he’ll just be sitting there zoned the fuck out because he’s monitoring every single urge and thought he has so he can ‘restrain’ as necessary

-also think he’d still be Constantly Aware of Everything, Always, even when he’s no longer splitting his consciousness in the literal sense. The thought process might start with something like noticing a chair is slightly wobbly and immediately having to fix it because otherwise it might fall, and if it falls when another person sits in it it’ll be his fault because he knew it was wobbly and didn’t do anything to fix it, and then he applies that thought process elsewhere and it escalates

-the thing is is that all this escalation happens pretty quickly because it’s a very intense set of feelings that you’re sitting with 24/7 so like cut to a month later and he’s pushing cups of water to the center of counters because otherwise they might spill and someone’ll slip and it’s HIS job to make sure they don’t, he’s repeatedly checking food over to make sure nothing’s wrong with it, he’s mapping everything he’s touched in the past week to see if he’s done anything bad or wrong, etc etc. these just keep getting increasingly more disconnected and bizarre like shit gets weird and frankly it might not even register for him that what he’s doing is irregular like from the inside things can seem as reasonable as they’re not

-that said, once you take that hyperawareness and ramp it up in reference to like everything, you realize that it just… isn’t sustainable, which means that at some point he inevitably‘fails’ and that goes as well as you think it does. Like on a good day he dismisses an ambiguous dot on a piece of bread as an obsessive quirk (maybe because he’s tired from other compulsion sets or something it happens) and then two days later someone accidentally eats a bit of bread before realizing there’s mold on it and well now dirk can’t get up from bed for the next three days sorry

-I think there’s a lot of really interesting things to say in terms of control here too. It’s all a bit ironic of course, as in something out of your control making you feel in control even if just for a second, fear of imposition taking a turn into imposition with a different motive, the distance between motive and action for that matter. I am getting off track.

-also dirk strikes me as the sort to have a comprehensive list (either written or mental) of every bad and ‘bad’ thing he’s done, ever. Regularly combs through his memories to see if he can think of others, and considers them obsessively both within and outside of context

-also just. That one convo he has where he’s talking about drowning in himself. I love that one

-physically, think he might scratch himself during panic attacks. Lot of self harm urges (head banging, eye trauma) but those don’t bother him nearly as much as his fears of hurting others. He’s unsocialized as fuck, and I think that as such he might not necessarily realize that he processes distress and anxiety in harmful/irregular ways

-I also wouldn’t be surprised if there was like this super noticeable gap between how he perceives himself and how other people perceive him too that’s pretty common. I don’t think he would have a fear of people finding out that he’s ‘bad’ by his standards though for the sole purpose that he assumes they already know

-Anyways from there it’s just like a various grab bag of related bullshit/uncategorized neuroses and obsession/compulsion sets. I think he has trich and maybe dermatillomania too. Autistic, definitely. Probably some other stuff. Comorbidity king. Sometimes he has to finish a compulsion set to sit down but he just finished a different one and is too tired to start again so he just stands on his phone for an hour. Has weird stress dreams. Bites his nails.

-all in all, ocd tends to latch on the things you care about- hence why so many intrusive thoughts are so ego dystonic, hence the fixation. Dirk, in canon and in this spiel here, loves the people he loves very much and just does not want to see them hurt and- unfortunately- sees himself as a threat thus. Well all of this.

-this concludes OCD dirk hour. If you have anything to add, please feel free! But also please be respectful about it, especially considering the subject matter.

EDIT: wrote a sequel to this, found here. It's not as put together as this one, but it's definitely a thing that exists

#let’s get INTO it #gotta produce content for an audience of me myself and I #seriously though dirk lends himself well to natural extremes which means he also lends himself well to UNnatural extremes #extremes is what I’m getting at the boy has no chill at all #dirk strider #homestuck #headcanons #tacit rambles #unsanitary #ocd headcanons #granted I do often wonder how they would go about like. dealing with this post canon. like they’re all what 15 what are they gonna do #therapy of choice for ocd is erp and that’s like you need a specialist right so what then. what do you do #I’m an unfortunate optimist in the ‘where there’s a will there’s a way’ sort of way but even I’m coming up short #well severity does tend to fluctuate but like it’s so so pervasive and frankly an absolutely ridiculous way to live #so like ?????#food mention #ocd dirk

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2004videovixxxen · 1 year

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little late night thoughts...

first.. i was at work earlier today and thought to myself that i could just write this in my diary and not publish it on the public internet forever BUT i’m trying to keep my pen and paper for more positive uses, i gotta stop writing about my lows and keep my ups more permanent, on wax. so here will do plus i mean who is ever going to find this?

second... i just read something that said “instead of thinking of the worst case scenario, think of the best” and i know that’s such a simple thought and something that may come naturally to some, but it is something i need to sit and do because for some reason i was given the brain that needs to think of all the ways everything goes wrong and then continues to spiral forever, but i also have the capacity to over-fantasize things about my life, so find the balance.

third... it was a good day today not because of anything in particular but i had realizations about myself and held myself accountable, i sang to the top of my lungs in my best singing voice yet (lol), i cried some tears, i meditated by the water, i sat in on a monday motivation workshop and those are always powerful (i am understanding more what it means to have faith and it doesn’t necessarily mean worshipping an entity, i like it and i want to know more..), idk i’m believing in myself again and that feels.. nice. but damn if it isn’t hard sometimes...

anyways, i am grateful to be able to write this. for experience. for life itself as wAcKy as it is.

#2023

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scripttorture · 3 years

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You mention in posts how torture doesn’t make people obedient and usually makes them spiteful (which obviously makes sense), but isn’t it realistic for someone to comply out of fear rather than loyalty? Whether that was giving up information or obeying orders or something else entirely. I imagine it depends on the person, and they would probably still be willing to turn on their torturers if given the chance, but would it be possible for them to obey orders in hopes of avoiding more pain?

This is a much more nuanced and complicated topic then we’re taught to assume.

When it comes to giving up information it’s pretty clear cut. No, torture can’t lead to accurate information for a lot of interconnected reasons. I have about six separate masterposts covering the reasons for this.

One of those is the antagonism torture produces. Another is the memory problems torture causes. Another is the effect that the use of torture has on organisations and the chain of command. Another is the effect torture has on torturers.

Torture drastically increases the chances of memory loss and it also increases the chances of inaccurate memories. So not only is a torture victim less likely to talk, they’re more likely to be wrong if they do talk.

But the effects on victims aren’t the main reason torture doesn’t work as a way of getting information. You’re assuming that torturers have access to people who have information.

The reality is that torture destroys an organisation’s ability to gather accurate information. Most information comes from volunteers: when torture comes into play less people volunteer information. This means that an organisation which tortures is more likely to be questioning someone who knows nothing. That person is then abused until they start making things up.

Because there’s less access to volunteered information and because humans are very bad at telling when someone is lying, a lot of these made up stories are believed. And this then effects who else the organisation arrests and tortures. This creates a sort of spiral, with lies leading to more lies.

Additionally the torturers themselves make things worse. There’s less quality research on them, but the research and anecdotal accounts create a pretty clear picture of their behaviour. They undermine the chain of command, they lose the skills the originally had as they turn to torture, they’re aggressive, incredibly competitive and they have a… fracturing effect on their organisation.

Basically they’re incredibly difficult to work with and totally convinced of their own importance. And this effects their colleagues. It totally divides organisations. The worst case I’ve read about involved members of the same organisation killing each other over access to prisoners.

That’s a short run through of the main factors. Torture, in the legally defined sense, means all of these factors are in play. Plus a few more I’ve omitted to keep this shorter.

With all of that together you just can’t get accurate information.

If you want longer posts I’ve made on the subject I suggest looking for the ‘torture doesn’t work’ tag and the ‘torture as interrogation’ tag. You can also read the masterposts. If you want a much more in depth look at why torture consistently fails as a way of getting information I recommend O’Mara’s Why Torture Doesn’t Work and Rejali’s Torture and Democracy.

O’Mara is a neuroscientist and goes through the effects torture has on the brain in a way that’s accessible, explaining the damage torture causes and how that destroys the evidence torturers claim to be seeking. Rejali’s book is a breeze block but it’s really a must, it is the textbook on torture in a broad sense. He ties together information from across the globe creating a broader picture of what torture does, not just to victims but to societies.

The question of compliance under threat and pain… is more complicated.

People can be forced to do some things. That much is obvious from a brief glance at human history and things like slavery. But it’s important to listen to what people in these scenarios say.

And my opinion, based on what I’ve read, is that what these people say doesn’t support the idea that humans will easily obey instructions when they’re hurt or threatened. I think instead these people are making hard headed, rational choices in absolutely awful situations. I think when we don’t have these experiences of torture or slavery, it’s easy to look at the surface of the situation and assume that pain alone assures obedience. I think that happens because it’s hard for use to understand the rationale when we don’t have that lived experience.

Let me give some examples. So it probably goes without saying that slavery goes hand in hand with physical abuse. One of the major researchers on slavery, whose data I quote pretty regularly, assumes throughout his writings that pain is the deciding factor which ‘makes’ people obey.

But he also describes a couple of very obvious consistent patterns in the ways slavers behave. Slavers almost universally do the following things as well as using physical abuse:

Separate enslaved people from their community

Bar enslaved people from other forms of support

Make enslaved people financially/materially reliant on the slavers

Tell enslaved people that going to the police/authorities will lead to the enslaved person being arrested

Try to convince enslaved people that they will be better off if they comply, usually by framing it as a debt to be worked off with promises of riches after a period of time

Now here’s the thing: we know from studies on cults and studies on ICURE techniques that a lot of these strategies will result in obedience when there is no violence or physical abuse.

Given that I don’t think we can assume that violence is the deciding factor. In fact I think the evidence we have from forced confessions under torture suggests the violence may lead to less obedience and a lower ‘success’ rate then a set up that used emotional abuse or other exploitative techniques without violence.

We have two sources of historical data that are used for statistical studies on forced confessions. One is from historical France. We think that this data set only involved torture to force a confession; no other method of coercion just violence. The rate of forced confessions varied a little in different areas but over all it’s about 10%. The second data set is from the ‘London Cage’ a British prison during the second world war. Here we know that torture was combined with blackmail, bribery and other kinds of coercion. The rate of forced confessions there was about 30%.

And while this is just two studies, while the data is lacking… That is one hell of a jump.

Let’s circle back to ICURE. ICURE stands for Isolation, Control information, create Uncertainty, Repetition and Emotive responses. It’s a set of techniques which can, sometimes, change someone’s beliefs when it’s applied consistently over a long time.

Notice the effort slavers put in to isolating their victims. Notice that the behaviour pattern I’m describing means the slavers are creating uncertainty over seeking help and repeating those messages as well as messages that the victims will be better off if they just go along with it.

Slavers will generally also try to control the information their victims have access to, taking phones and blocking access to news sources and other resources. Now a lot of slavers will transport their victims to other states or countries putting a language barrier in place. They sometimes also use emotive responses in attempts to persuade victims to comply.

I’ve read multiple accounts where survivors of modern slavery described slavers telling them that the money they were making was being sent to the victim’s family and without it the family would not survive. (Sometimes the slavers do send small amounts to the families of their victims, sometimes they pocket everything.) I’ve also read accounts where gangs of slavers used religion and oaths taken in a religious setting to persuade their victims they’d be punished by God for not complying.

Even with all of this, all these techniques we know can sometimes ‘work’- lots of people refuse. Lots of people disobey. Lots of people escape. Lots of people actively sabotage the operations the slavers put together.

And if you look at that same history of slavery, that shows us people can sometimes be forced to work, you’ll see that this has always been true.

We have records of historic enslaved people attacking slavers, forming organised militias, forming parallel societies, sacking towns, taking over an entire Caribbean island and beating off four European armies in the process. We also have records of smaller acts. Sabotage, worship of banned deities, speaking banned languages, destruction of property, aiding in the escape of others.

What I’m saying is: this isn’t black and white. The evidence, modern and historical does not paint a clear picture of violence leading to obedience.

Instead I believe that it shows humans are resilient, stubborn, adaptable creatures. People can survive all kinds of horrible situations. It is more accurate, more human, to assume that people make rational choices.

Sometimes those choices involve short term compliance while looking for a better option or a way out. But we tend to hear less stories about the people who completely refuse to comply. We tend to treat that as an impossible fiction when it is a recorded historical and modern reality.

Bringing this back to writing as a general rule the more complicated the act the less likely you can force someone to do it. Because the more complicated it is the more opportunities they’ll have to sabotage it or use it against their abuser.

I recommend reading up on the history of Haiti pet. Then Brazil via Palmares.

I’ll end this by bringing it back to those statistics on forced confessions in historical France. Imagine the conditions with me for a moment. Unsanitary, cramped cells. Dehydration, starvation and disease. Plus the kinds of scarring torture that are conjured up in the minds of most Western people when the word ‘torture’ comes up; thumb screws, leg irons that tighten until the bone snaps, whips.

Picture it. Try to imagine the pain those people went through.

And remember that 90% of them did not comply long enough to sign their name.

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shinsorokiri · 3 years

Text

S/O Loses Memory and Quirk

Todoroki, Bakugou, and Kirishima HCs

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Language, violence, mentions of stab wounds and blood, a panic attack, spoiler for Bakugou’s hero name, sad bois

A/N: So I had two requests that mentioned these three with this concept and I just finished all of them and I’m so proud that I wanted to post these ones before the other two for Denki and All Might were finished but I’ll get those out as soon as possible. I cried writing Bakugou’s, so... there’s that HAHA please enjoy!

Here’s the first one with Shinsou, Aizawa, Hawks, and Dabi!

Todoroki Shouto | Shouto

Shouto knows you’re a strong woman and that he doesn’t need to constantly be there to protect you

But he does prefer to be there if something bad is happening

The only problem is that you two went to two different agencies after graduating

And in doing so were on opposite sides of the city

Now he always knew when something was happening on your hero route because I mean

He actually needs to in case something bad happens since it’s his JOB

But he also just really wants to be there for you if you really need it

There hasn’t been a time like that, though

So imagine his utter shock and genuine fear when that time came

He was told to go to where you were patrolling because you’d been attacked and wound up in the hospital

You know the scene with the flame tear? Yeah that but times ten

He goes on patrol like a good little hero

But boy oh BOY did he just want to go to the hospital

You’d never lost a fight before

Not even against him

Your quirk was literally the most powerful quirk he’s ever seen and I mean like, yeah, sure, he might be biased but STILL you were really powerful

So what kind of villain could hurt you so bad you had to go to the hospital???

Luckily, he only had an hour left of patrolling

And as soon as that hour was up

Mans bolted

He was OFF

He ran into that hospital

And he politely asked where your room was

Because although he’s PANICKING he still is a little socially awkward sweetie and he doesn’t wanna be a dick to anyone and be labeled similar to his father no no NO

But as soon as he got the number he was sprinting man

He was so worried

All patrol he was quieter than usual

And he was ridiculously anxious the whole time

His palms were sweaty

He felt like he could throw up at any second

And right now

He thought his heart was about to beat out of his chest

He carefully opens the door

You might be sleeping, he has to be considerate

And sure enough he sees your unconscious form laying in a hospital bed

It looked like you had some broken bones, and multiple bruises and cuts which means someone must have beat the shit out of you

Lovely

That’s what he needed to see

Definitely

Mans doesn’t show emotion that much

But when it comes to you and since it was just you and him in the room

He broke down crying

He couldn’t help it

He grabbed your hand

And just sat there crying

Poor guy can’t lose you

You were the best thing that ever happened to him 🥺

You showed him that it was okay to feel things and express those things and let people in

He let you in and he couldn’t let you go now

He was a genuine mess for the next couple of weeks

Because you weren’t waking up

He went against what Midoriya said and asked around about what happened to you

And what he heard was horrific

Apparently the villain snuck up on you

And hit you in a few different places

And then you fell down

And then you couldn’t access your quirk

And that’s why you were in the hospital

He didn’t want to think about the part that happened after you were virtually defenseless

Around his friends he was spacier than usual

He wasn’t really retaining information

And his agency let him take more days off than usual because they knew he was Going Through It

And luckily on one of those days you woke up

He was next to you as per usual

Holding your hand

Playing with your fingers like he always does when he gets anxious

He missed being able to do that in social situations

Or when you two were cuddling at night and he was thinking about something that was stressing him out and he would start to fiddle with your hand and you would ask him what’s wrong

He missed you

So when he felt your hand start to move by itself

He basically gave himself whiplash with how fast he looked from your hand to your face

Sure enough

Your eyes were open

And you were looking at him

“(Y/n)…”

He whispered your name as not to scare you

You could have a concussion or mild amnesia

He has already considered everything that could be wrong with you

Because he overthinks a lot

And he was nervous about this

And there was one thing he had in the back of his mind

That would probably be the worst case scenario

And much to his fears

That was confirmed to be what was going on almost immediately

“Todoroki?”

He just stares for a moment

You hadn’t called him Todoroki since… well, a long time now

Probably back in your UA days

The two of you began dating in your second year though so

It’s been a while

“You look… older..?”

He clears his throat

Nodding

“Yes. Well… I am 20 years old now. I would hope I look older.”

“Wait, what?”

Oh shit.

He just confused you.

Damnit, Shouto.

“Uhh… well, um. You see…”

“Todoroki what is going on? And why are you holding my hand like that?”

He freezes

He was still playing with your fingers

And it wasn’t that you didn’t want him to

You were just genuinely confused

He knew that

“Before I say anything else that could be detrimental to your mental health, maybe you should ring your nurse.”

You do as he says

And the nurses and a doctor come rushing into your room

They do some evaluations

And sure enough

Your memory has been completely wiped

As has the access to the portion of your brain that allows you to control your quirk

The doctor explains to Todoroki that he’s unsure of how this happened

Bu Todoroki knows it has to be that villain

Whatever that villain did did this to you

And Todoroki isn’t one to show emotions

But boy oh BOY was he riled up right now

He lowkey accidentally caught something on fire

And then to fix it lowkey on purpose just turned it into a block of ice

Even though Endeavor is the worst man on the planet

Mans is persistent on shit that’s for sure

And that’s like

The only trait Shouto got from that literal dumpster fire of a father

And he wasn’t about to let the piece of shit that hurt you get away with it

Of course, when it comes to you as a person he’s very patient

Very understanding

Respects boundaries

But he will not REST

Until the motherfucker who did this to you gets caught by him

And he will find them.

Bakugou Katsuki | DynaMight

OH BOY HERE WE GO

So Bakugou was already very protective over you

I mean that’s expected though

It’s

It’s literally Bakugou

So mans has tabs on you at all times

You don’t know how he does it tbh

He jokes

Yes, Bakugou can joke

He jokes about having a sixth sense when it comes to you

He just gets this feeling about you

If you’re sad? He knows

Happy? He knows

In danger? MANS KNOWS

And I guess he also has a GPS built into his brain???

He just

He knows

Probably because he cares extremely deeply about you

Like really fucking deeply

You’re the best thing that has ever happened to him

Ever since high school

First day

When you weren’t intimidated by him

There was just something special about you

And even though it took until after graduation and you almost DYING on a mission for him to finally accept that he can FEEL THINGS

He officially asked you to be his girlfriend

I say officially because, well

Y’all have basically been dating since like

Second year of high school

Even though it wasn’t official

It was obvious

He was whipped

He still is

He’s known you for five years

You’ve been officially dating for two of those years

You were unofficially dating for four

You were the most important thing in his life

You even surpassed becoming the number one hero somehow

Though he will NEVER admit that

EVER

It took him a while to realize it

But the thought of living without you?

Scared him more than any villain ever could

And that is why

Mans is all dressed up

Lookin nice

Took a day off of patrol at his agency because tonight is a special night

Of course, you don’t know anything

As it should be

He didn’t tell a soul that he was planning on proposing tonight

Okay… maybe that is a lie

He told Kirishima when he got blackout drunk with the boys one night

Long story, don’t ask how it happened, even the boys don’t know

And Kirishima then proceeded to tell everyone of his other friends

So they all knew

But they also all knew to keep it a FUCKING SECRET unless they wanted blown up

But boy oh boy they were excited to see the pictures and the ring and the everything

But I digress

Bakugou is in the house the two of you purchased a while back

It was very much off the damn grid

For ~safety~

And he’s very much just messing with how he looks

He has to look perfect because he knows you’re about to

And he can’t be proposing to you unless he’s on your level

When suddenly

He gets a

Feeling

But it isn’t the warm feeling he gets when you’re happy

Or the doopy one he gets when you’re sad

Or the wave of exhaustion he feels when you’re tired

Or the tingly feeling he gets when you’re mad

It’s the feeling where his spine tenses

And his blood goes cold

And his heart drops to the floor

The one he only felt one other time

The time you almost died

He was out of that house so fast

He didn’t even care if he looked all nice

You were in danger

He blasted his way through the city

Saying he was frantic is an understatement

He was FERAL

He got to where you were just in time to see you get slammed into the concrete by some piece of shit villain

You were unconscious

And you weren’t moving

He saw red

He didn’t even remember blasting over to the villain and punching them in the face

But he did that

And he did it HARD

Of course the villain was like OH FUCK

THIS IS THE NUMBER TWO HERO

I DIDN’T THINK HE’D ACTUALLY GET HERE THIS FAST

Because obviously the villain knew who you were

That’s why you were targeted

Breaking Bakugou’s spirit is needed if villains want to become more fearful and powerful

The villain starts sprinting away

And before Bakugou can catch them

He hears an ambulance siren

He suddenly forgets all about the villain because he whips around to see you getting loaded onto a gurney

Paramedics are doing everything they can to keep you alive at this point

He’s horrified to say the least

You’re the love of his life

The last time he saw you like this is when he accepted it

Seeing you like this again just makes him realize it even deeper somehow

He runs to the ambulance

But the paramedics tell him he needs to go to the hospital separately because you’re badly injured and they need to perform some procedures on the way to the hospital to keep you alive

He doesn’t even realize he’s crying until his eyes start to sting

He wants to tell the paramedics to fuck off

Don’t they realize this is supposed to be one of the best days of yours and his lives?

But he can’t

Because before he can

They’re gone

He chases after you though

He needs to be by your side right now

He needs to know that you will be okay

He needs you to be okay

So imagine how nerve-wracking it is for him to learn that you were in surgery

He waited in the waiting room all day long

This incident happened around one in the afternoon

and it was now one in the morning

He was just sitting in the hospital waiting room

Looking down at the little box in his hand

Crying

Which is a sight for anyone who sees him

The ring he bought for you is the only thing he can focus on

He doesn’t even notice the non-stop buzzing in his pocket coming from his and your friends wondering if the two of you are okay because the footage of the fight cut out right before Bakugou punched the villain

They all thought you were both hurt pretty badly

I mean after your quirk was seemingly taken from you…

The only thing that snaps him out of his trance

Is when the doctor comes out and says his name

His head snaps up so fast

He approaches the doctor just as fast

He knows he should expect the worst

But he can’t help but keep repeating that you’re okay

That everything will be fine because you are okay

They fixed you up

You’ll come home all happy

He’ll propose to you in the living room at this point

Today will be fixed

Instead

He hears that although you’re stable

You have what appears to be brain damage

“What kind of fucking brain damage?”

“She has severe amnesia which means that-”

“How severe?”

“Well… according to her brain scan and the fact that she said the year was two and a half years ago, I’m afraid it’s significantly severe.”

Two and a half years

Two and a half years?!

He just stares at the doctor

If you think it’s two and a half years ago

That means he hasn’t asked you out yet

That means in your mind

You’re still in high school

About to graduate

This cannot be happening

There is not way this is happening

“Can I see her?”

His voice sounds foreign to him

The doctor nods

Leading him to your room

He puts the ring back in his pocket out of instinct

And when he enters your room

He wants nothing more than for you to yell something like PSYCH

GOT YOU BLASTY BITCH

HAHAHA

But he’s just met with a your mouth opening wide and eye getting big

“Bakugou?! You’re so dressed up!”

Bakugou

Why didn’t he let you call him Katsuki sooner

Why didn’t he ask you out before two years ago

Why wasn’t he there to save you

“W-Woah… Bakugou, you don’t have to cry this isn’t my first hospital stay… wait, when did you get an undercut?”

He just walks towards you

“You also look… older… is this seriously what you look like when you clean up?”

He watches as your expression falters for a moment

“Wait… are you like… going on a date or something?”

Good to know you still have feelings for him at least

He just nods

And you try to hide the disappointment on your face

“Oh… well, you better tell me all about it when we get back to the dorms.”

Your fake enthusiasm is killing him

What killing him even more though is that the doctors didn’t tell you what was going on

So he’ll tell you instead

“Actually,”

Damnit

His voice is wavering

This is new for him

He clears his throat

“I’m not… I’m not going on a date anymore. I had one but… things didn’t turn out as planned.”

“Oh?”

He almost smiles at the sudden mood shift you had

How can you still be perky like that sitting in a hospital bed

“Yeah… because, um. It was a date with you…”

“…Oh…?”

“You got hurt pretty bad, angel…”

He explains everything to you

Well

As much as he can

And he also finds out about your quirk

And how it’s just

Gone

You have to stay in the hospital tonight for further testing tomorrow

And you insist that he goes home

But he says it isn’t home if you’re not there

He stays in the chair right next to your bed

Watching you as you sleep

He knows you believe him

He knows that you have feeling for him

But he’s broken, truly

Not only was he not your hero today

He didn’t save you

He doesn’t know if you’ll ever remember any of those years with him

Any of your firsts

And that makes him ache

He pulls out your ring again

And just looks at it

The only light in the room is the moonlight peaking in through the window

And in that moment

He swears to himself

And to you

That the villain who did this

Is going to pay

Kirishima Eijirou | Red Riot

Eijirou has always been your rock

Figuratively and literally

He’s there for you through everything

And I mean everything

The two of you have been next door neighbors since you were kids

And he literally always had a crush on you

Of course the feelings were mutual

But neither you nor shark boy knew that

Until y’all got to high school

And Bakugou was very

Annoyed

About the two of you pining for each other

Mina was beyond annoyed

She went to middle school with you two

So when Bakugou finally just

Screamed at the two of you to just shut the fuck up with the flirting and date already

Mina deadass jumped out of her seat at lunch and screamed thank you at the top of her lungs

Of course the two of you were as red as his hair

Which, yes

You did help him pick out the exact shade and helped dye as well

His hands were stained red because he accidentally only bought one pair of gloves and it wouldn’t have been manly to make you help without gloves on

But I digress

The two of you started dating shortly after that

And when I tell you that you were the couple everyone would look at and be all “awwwww”

I MEAN IT

And y’all are just in high school

Granted, it’s your final year and the two of you are both interning and are already confirmed to become sidekicks and Fatgum’s Agency

So y’all do be a little mature

But still

You started dating freshman year

And you’re going strong still

Of course

And words cannot describe how relieved he is that the two of you are at the same agency

Because if anything ever went bad he would be there to save you

And you would be there to save him

But literally nothing could prepare him for what was about to happen to you

It was a normal patrol

The two of you were together

Talking about graduation next week

And how the two of you were excited to move out of the dorms and into the apartment you had picked

And how you would finally be able to adopt the little mutt that the two of you love from the shelter

When out of no where

A villain popped down off of a building

Right behind you

And did something weird to you

They hit you meticulously and in specific places

Before Kirishima could even process what was going on

You were on the ground

Of course

You raised an arm

Ready to fight and use your quirk

But nothing happened

You tried again

Nothing

You and Kirishima make eye contact and he can feel the fear radiating off of you

Now he was worried

Very worried

But you knew how to fight

And he was there, too

So this wouldn’t end too bad

UNTIL THERE WAS A FUCKING EXPLOSION IN THE BUILDING THE VILLAIN JUST POPPED OUT OF

You were already back on your feet

Ready to fight this motherfucker

“Go help the people inside, Red Riot. I can handle this one.”

“But-”

“GO!”

He goes

Reluctantly

But he does know you can hold your own

Even if that villain temporarily blocked your quirk

He hardens

Turning his headpiece into a filtering mask (a great addition he thought of so he could run into burning buildings while hardened to save people and not take damage to his lungs in the process)

And luckily

There were only three people inside

So he grabs them and runs out

Easy

And he’s expecting to be met with you handcuffing the bad guy

But instead

He’s met with you getting the life beat out of you

Literally

You’re on the ground

The villain pulled out swords while he was gone

And it was obvious you were down and weren’t gettingup

But the villain just wasn’t letting up

Kirishima’s legs work before his brain

He runs over to the villain and lands a punch to their face

Which causes them to stumble backwards

Before they throw the swords at a random citizen who is observing

He immediately runs to the citizen, deflecting the swords

But the villain ran off in the mean time

Like they disappeared without a trace

But honestly

Even if they were still there

Kirishima would have run to you regardless

He immediately kneels down

“(Y/n)?! (Y/n), can you hear me?!”

He ditched the hero names this time

You weren’t responding

You were out cold

He starts panicking

Full on hyperventilating

You looked bad

You were pierced by the villains swords in your side

Blood was everywhere

Your breathing was shallow

Regardless of the genuine panic attack he was going through right now

He somehow managed to control his breathing so you wouldn’t bleed out on the ground

He needed to help you

He picks you up

Instantly starting to sprint to the ambulances beginning to pull up

As soon as the paramedics see the state you’re in they get you off of him

And speed off to the hospital

Kirishima is left alone

Staring at his hands

Which were dyed red with your blood

All he could see was your face laughing at him because he forgot to get two pairs of gloves the first time you helped him dye his hair

…He didn’t like red all that much right now

After what feels like hours

But was really like two minutes

Tamaki shows up

Because he heard there was something going on

And as soon as he sees Kirishima on the ground and sobbing

He knows something bad has happened to you

He quickly gets him out of there

And back to the agency

Where Kirishima accidentally sees a replay of the fight on television

And he sees that you were fighting the villain just fine

But they were so nimble and fast

And all they did was hit the nape of your neck and then the side of your temple

And you collapsed

Tamaki turned the television off before the full fight was shown

But the damage was done

Kirishima was back on the ground

Tamaki tries to comfort him

But Kirishima is out of commission

“I couldn’t save her, Tamaki! I wasn’t there!”

“…C-Come on, Kirishima… w-we should… go to the hospital…”

Tamaki is trying so hard to get him to calm down

But to no avail

So eventually he just drags him out and to his car

He speeds to the hospital

And Kirishima doesn’t even wait for the car to slow down to run inside

He has to wait to see you

Since you were punctured

But he was willing to wait

And wait he did

For four days

Of course after you were done with your surgery he was allowed in your room

But it was a matter of waiting for you to wake up

He was always with you

He only went home to shower

He slept at the hospital

He needed to be with you

So when you finally woke up

He cried tears of happiness for the first time in days

“(Y/n), thank god you’re awake.”

“Eiji? What happened…?”

“There was a villain attack and they knocked you out and-”

“Why don’t you look 15?”

“What?”

“You look… older… and your hair is longer.”

“…What? You were the one who encouraged me to grow it out…”

“I… I was?”

He stares at you for a moment

His happy tears turning into ones of fear

Before hitting the call nurse button and asking you a question

“(Y/n) what grade are we in?”

“We’re freshmen at UA High School.”

No.

No, no, no, no, no

Before he could answer the doctor and nurses came in the room

They started asking you a bunch of questions

To which you answered the best you could

But it was obvious that you were convinced it was two years ago

The doctors took you off to do scans of your brain

This can’t be happening

You think it’s two years ago

Two years

So much has happened within those two years

The two of you have done so much

Just

Imagine how devastated he is when he hears your memory is just gone

And your quirk with it

You were a hero

Your quirk can’t be gone

“Eiji… please don’t cry, it’ll be okay.”

“I can’t help it, pebble. I wasn’t there to save you and now… now you don’t remember everything we’ve done. And… and your quirk… you’re the best hero I know, and now…”

“Eijirou, I promise you it will be okay. As long as you’ll be with me, like you always are, I will be fine.”

He doesn’t say anything

He just looks at his hand holding yours

At least you still remember he asked you to be his girlfriend

But he is deadset on finding the villain who did this to you

“I will get you out of this.”

“Ei…”

“I will fix this. I promise you. I will save you. I need to.”

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classic80sand90smovieloves2 · 3 years

Text

Meeting and Dating Charlie MacKenzie

(Not my gif)(Requested by @jotaro-spengler)

(Sorry this post took so long. I literally changed the entire meeting story last minute because I’m an indecisive perfectionist so it took a lot longer to write than expected. Hope you enjoy!)

- You and Charlie getting together was really all Tony’s fault. He just had to go and mention you: shine the spotlight in Charlies mind right on you and say look here you fool, a beautiful woman who you already care about and who already cares about you.

- That wasn’t really how it happened of course. All Tony had actually done was say something along the lines of “now take a look at my sister-”, using you as an example in some scenario he came up with rather than giving his friend a recommendation.

- But, in Charlie’s half listening mind, all he heard was “take a look at my sister” and take a look he did.

- You were a little younger; which tended to be the case when it came to younger sisters of friends that were his age, and you were pretty. You had a nice personality, you thought he was funny on occasion, and you weren’t a total stranger who he could easily find a flaw; that he didn’t already know about, in.

- Why not give it a shot? Worst case scenario, you say no or he breaks your heart and loses his best friend in the future. But hey, it was Tony’s idea to begin with, right?

- So he visits you at work, making small talk; as per usual since this was a fairly normal occurrence for the two of you, before trying to ask you out as casually as he could.

- Initially, you think that you’ve misunderstood him or that he’s misspoken, then you think that he joking, …and then you just think he’s gone crazy. You quite literally ask him if he’s feeling alright because it’s so out of the blue and unexpected.

- But, once you come to terms with the fact that this is a legitimate request, …you agree.

- I mean, it’s not like the idea never popped into your head. You’ve known the guy since middle school: of course you’d considered it; though you’d never imagined that it would actually come to fruition.

- Nevertheless, here you were, giving each other somewhat awkward smiles and arranging a time and place.

- Your first date is initially going to be just a regular dinner at some diner down the street that the two of you; and your brother, often frequented but you quickly find that it just feels wrong to go there: like the two of you are still just two friends.

- So you scratch that idea and find yourselves wandering around town, buying some food from a street vendor and taking in the atmosphere of the night. What started out as a; frankly, uncomfortable first date ends up turning into one of the best you’ve ever had.

- It’s no surprise that the two of you get along. The question is whether or not you fit as a couple so; regardless of whether or not you’d normally do it, you decide to have your first kiss before the night is over to test out the romantic chemistry between you.

- It may not be the most romantic first kiss in the world; considering the fact that you literally both talk about and agree to it like it’s some sort of business deal or logical course of action, but you enjoy it nonetheless and it gives the two of you some clarity.

- He likes you and you like him and the two of you are happy together. You just hope that it lasts....

- Charlie really doesn’t care about what other people think, in fact, he sort of likes to bother and gross people out so he never minds engaging in a bit of pda. If he feels like kissing the hell out of you, he’s gonna do it; regardless of whether or not there’s people around.

- Interlocked arms or holding onto his arm as the two of you walk together. He likes having you close to him so literally securing you to his side by your arm is a helpful form of affection.

- Handholding. He’ll usually swing your arms back and forth whenever you do.

- Cheek kisses. He’s a fan of both giving and receiving them so it definitely goes both ways.

- Excited, feverish, and passionate kisses. You tend to just lay one on each other at random; oftentimes catching the other person a little off-guard, so these types of kisses are pretty common in your relationship.

- Kissing in the rain; sometimes with him kicking his leg up in the air behind him.

- He tends to just call you by your given name; or a teasing nickname on occasion. He finds that using pet names just aren’t his thing and that a lot of them cause him to roll his eyes more than anything else.

- The two of you really don’t have a “usual” cuddling position since you tend to just do whatever feels right or makes the most sense. Some days you cuddle with your head on his arm, other days he’s the big spoon, and sometimes you’re the big spoon.

- Back scratches and shoulder kisses.

- Taking baths together.

- You know the meme about the person getting into their partners shower fully clothed so that they can ask them a question? That’s the type of shit that he does constantly. Sometimes you just have to sit back and consider the fact that you may be dating either an idiot or a crazy person.

- Getting his help when you’re trying to pick out your outfits.

- Going to his open mic nights.

- Having poems written about you. …They’re pretty bad....

- If you're dating Charlie, you have to stop caring about how other people view you because there’s no way you’re not going to do; at least a few, ridiculous things out in public together. The two of you are constantly doing dumb shit so just try to ignore any judgmental looks you may or may not receive.

- Chasing each other around and playing other childish games.

- Frolicking and dancing like children of the night~

- Double dates with Tony and his girlfriends.

- Diner dates.

- Wandering around the city together.

- Buying from different street vendors and food trucks.

- Cruising around town with his top down and the radio turned to your favorite station.

- Sitting out on his roof with him.

- He loves seeing you smile so expect a lot of dumb jokes and comments that are meant to make you laugh.

- Teasing each other. You like to call him “nice” just to mess with him.

- Convincing him to do different things with you. You know that it wasn’t his idea to go on that Alcatraz tour with Tony so it’s safe to say that he can be persuaded into accompanying you just about anywhere.

- Taking different classes together; though you probably shouldn’t take him to those sorts of things …for the sake of your teachers sanity.

- Getting visited at work. He’ll always insist that he was “in the neighborhood” but he absolutely was not and totally drove all the way over just to see you.

- Speaking of work: he would definitely offer to help you with whatever task you had to do just to ease your workload and spend more time with you. It would also probably get him into the good graces of your boss so the man/woman would be a lot more lenient with him hanging around.

- Finding your own ways to quiet his rambling. He tends to just keep talking whenever he’s nervous or feeling shy so you’ll have to learn the best way to quiet him whenever he gets like that; which usually means you’ll be kissing him or saying something he wants to hear.

- Telling each other stories. His are usually exaggerated to an outrageous degree but you never really mind; it’s sort of more amusing to see where his brain takes him than to just listen to a normal story.

- Family get togethers. You’ll usually sit in the kitchen with him and his mother while Tony and his father watch some sports game in the living room.

- Interesting interactions with his family; namely his father. The man’s a little hard to get along with but he’s certainly entertaining.

- He'll always check on you before leaving you alone, making sure you’re okay before he ditches you to do something; even if it’s just using the rest room for a minute.

- Him getting advice from Tony. Regardless of whether or not you want to picture yourself as the mans sister, he’s going to be your best ally when it comes to surviving your relationship; so you might want to get on his good side if you weren't already.

- Having to get through his sabotage stage.

- Charlie tends to get scared and break up with people when things are getting too serious so don’t be surprised if; or when, it happens to you. The good thing is that, if it’s meant to be, he’ll come to his senses and dedicate himself towards getting you back; usually with some big cute gesture.

- Just not feeling like yourself? No problem! He’ll be completely understanding and accept that you just aren’t happy; all while doing whatever he can to put a little pep in your step.

- He’s not an incredibly jealous person but he is cautious. He’ll never refuse to let you hang out with someone or do something but he will keep an eye on your relationships with other guys. Not because he doesn’t trust you but because he doesn’t want you winding up in an awkward position because you couldn’t see the red flags of encroaching romance.

- He’s somewhat protective of you; oftentimes sticking out his own neck to save yours. Although he’ll usually; awkwardly, try to settle things in a peaceful manner after an aggressive outburst at someone or something; usually because he only then realizes how big and threatening they are.

- The two of you fake fight every now and again but real fights only happen once in a blue moon. You get along incredibly well so it isn’t often that you can’t settle things in a peaceful manner; especially since he approaches you very calmly whenever he has a problem.

- Because most of his issues with you are reasonable, fights usually end before they even begin. But if they don’t and you wind up having a legitimate argument or fight, he’s always willing to apologize; especially since he’ll feel extremely guilty for upsetting you.

- He mainly shows you that he loves you but he definitely isn’t opposed to saying the actual words.

- As afraid of marriage as he normally is, he actually proposes to you pretty quickly. I guess when you know you know?

#charlie mackenzie imagine #charlie mackenzie imagines #charlie mackenzie headcanons #charlie mackenzie headcanon #so i married an axe murderer imagine #so i married an axe murderer imagines #so i married an axe murderer headcanon #so i married an axe murderer headcanons #90s movie imagine #90s movie imagines #90s movie headcanons #90s movie headcanon

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sirowsky · 3 years

Text

The Bad Day - One Shot

For the person closest to my soul, my wife @lucrezia-thoughts

“Our stories remind us how precious and fragile life can be – and that we must risk our hearts every day to know happiness.” – Luanne Rice

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow’.” – Mary Anne Radmacher Fluff Can be read as Gender Neutral Reader (gn!reader) Only warning I can think of is Language. Words: 1525

I hope this helps improve your day, my love.

===================== So, you know those days when everything just goes wrong?

When you can’t walk over a threshold without stubbing your toe, or reach for a doorhandle without almost breaking your finger against it? When you knock the milk or juice-carton over, and think ‘phew, at least the cork was still on’ only to realise the damn carton broke? Every paper you touch tries to murder you, anything remotely heavy just fiddles itself out of your hands, and magically lands on your feet, and even your own brain tricks you by misjudging the distance between your shoulder and the fucking doorway, even though it damn well knows exactly how close is too close?

Yeah – that kinda day.

Those were the days that you wanted to lock yourself in your house and just not step outside, but… well, life… and all that.

When you finally reached your lunch-hour on this particular day of personal doom, you felt sure that every singly toe had to be broken, and there were bandages on three of your fingers already. You were only half-way through your day, and it had the potential to get so much worse before it was over. You contemplated just hiding in a broom-closet until the day was done, but with your current luck, that’d probably just end with you giving yourself a concussion against a shelf or something, in the dark.

You’d taken a seat on a bench outside, hoping that the sun might help your body and mind back into some resemblance of coordination, while you ate. But, of course, that turned out to be a mistake, when the lack of a table meant that you had to hold your plastic lunch box in your lap, which (on a day like this) naturally meant that the damn thing did not remain in your lap. You didn’t even register how it managed to end up bottoms up on the ground by your feet, after just one little bite, and you were so done with this fucking day, you didn’t even care. You just wanted to sit there and cry and feel sorry for yourself until the sun set and this disaster of a day finally ended.

But you were sitting on a bench in a mini-park right outside your office-building, where people were constantly coming and going, and the last thing you wanted was for your co-workers to see you all pathetic like that. You weren’t exactly popular to begin with…

“Here, take this.”

Someone held out a wrapped item to you, and when you looked up you almost choked on your own spit, because the guy handing it to you was Marcus fucking Pike, the guy you’d had a crush on ever since you started at the office. The sweetest guy in the whole damn world – who had no idea you even existed.

“I saw your little accident there, and I figured you could use a pick-me-up.”

“You have no idea… thank you so much.”

You took the offered food and quickly dug into it before a frickin bird snatched it, or something. You’d expected him to walk off, but instead he sat down right next to you, to eat his own wrap, and suddenly you were nervous. You’d wanted to talk to him so many times, even imagined whole scenarios in your mind about how to strike up a conversation with him, each one more ludicrous than the next… And now here he was, and you couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

“By the state of your hands, I’m assuming today is one of those days?”

“You get them too?”

“Everyone does, just in varying degrees of severity.”

“Oh, I don’t have degrees, mine are always the worst they can be.”

“Sorry to hear that.”

Always so sweet…

“Thanks.”

You finished the rest of your meal in silence, and when you were done, he held a hand out for your trash.

“I’ll take it to the bin over there, save you from another thing that can go wrong.”

He winked at you, and scurried over there, dumping the trash before coming right back, with a bit of a mischievous grin on his face. He didn’t sit back down, but held a hand out to you instead.

“Come on.”

“What?”

“Let’s get out of here before anyone sees us.”

“You mean.. skip out on work? I can’t do that.”

“Sure you can, it’s easy. Just get up and walk away.”

“Pike…”

He just smiled wider, keeping his hand held out for you, and in a moment of pure insanity, you took it, letting him pull you to your feet and walk off with you. He led you away from the office buildings and busy streets, all the way to a promenade deck along the waterfront that you hadn’t even known was there before. And he kept holding your hand. Maybe it was just to keep you from falling every time you stumbled, but the way he held it felt like more than that. Unless that was just wishful thinking on your part. Ugh, more than likely. You tried to distract yourself by talking.

“So, do you skip work often?”

“Never have before.”

“No way. You must’ve done…”

“Nope.”

“But… then, why now?”

“Because you looked like you really needed it.”

That made you stop in your tracks, squeezing his hand a little harder and just staring at him in complete disbelief for a few seconds. He didn’t seem fazed at all.

“You bailed on work… for me? W-why would you do that?”

He bowed his head for a few beats, and when he looked up, he had a sheepish little grin on his lips, with that adorable dimple on full display.

“Because I like you. I always have, I just never… knew how to talk to you. You always turn away, keep to yourself, do the work and go home, not much chatter or frivolity. You just seem so… unavailable, I didn’t dare try in case you found it inappropriate.”

Holy hell… but he was too damn sweet.

“A.. are you serious, right now?”

“Very.”

You couldn’t believe this. A whole year you’d been working in the same office as this man, this adorable, kind, sassy, perfect fucking man, not realising that your own insecurity about talking to him was scaring him off.

��I always wanted to talk to you too, I just thought… or, rather convinced myself, that you didn’t even know who I was. I mean, why would you? Aside from being called to the same meetings occasionally, we rarely ever share the same space, and I don’t work directly on your cases.”

“Because you’re interesting. You don’t conform to the ‘normal’ office behaviour. You find ingenious little ways to break policies regarding your appearance, and your desk, so that you’ll feel comfortable in your own skin and space. And even though you mostly stay quiet, whenever you do speak, you’re always well informed and respectful, but also honest. You don’t let people walk all over you just because they think you’re an outsider.”

You had to actually tell yourself to breathe, because you were so shocked you just didn’t function properly right now.

“How do you know all that? When have you had time to notice me at all… I don’t… what am I missing here? I don’t understand any of this..”

He stepped closer. A lot closer, and you froze. He smelled wonderful, and up close like this, his eyes were mesmerising. Deep pools of chocolate beckoning for every ounce of your attention, which they eagerly got, while his free hand found your waist.

“You’re beautiful. That was the first thing I noticed about you. Not just your face, but your soul. Your person. And there’s a kind of grace to you, to the way you move and carry yourself, that I confess I may have spied a little on you in your office, in order to see better. It mostly only comes out when you think no one sees you. And I can see it even on days like these, when everything goes wrong for you.”

A warmth you’d never felt before, spread through your chest and abdomen, making you shiver in the most pleasant way imaginable, and he could see that too. His hand on your waist pulled you closer, while the other let go of your hand, so that he could wrap both arms around you.

“I’d really like to kiss you right now.”

Your knees damn near caved in on you, but this was too good for you to allow your body to screw it up, like it had the rest of the day. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, letting one hand find it’s way to the back of his neck, gently tugging him towards you.

“Please do.”

As his warm, soft lips brushed against yours you thought to yourself that perhaps bad days had a purpose, after all. Perhaps they were meant to make the good moments clearer, more distinguished. After all, what was one good moment next to a hundred others, compared to one good moment, among a hundred bad ones?

THE END

#the mentalist #the mentalist fic #marcus pike #pedro pascal #pedro pascal one shot #marcus pike one shot #the mentalist one shot #i love you 3000 #i love you wifey #gn!reader

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winterskywrites · 3 years

Note

how about combining bad batch and reinvent love? what happens to the bad batch in your au?

The regs all go weird on Kaller. Hunter isn’t quite sure what’s the matter with them, but Tech says it’s some sort of programming, and he trusts Tech to know what he’s talking about. Tech also says he thinks the five of them are immune.

In that respect, Tech is wrong.

They flee Kamino with Omega and without Crosshair. It’s not right for them to leave one of their own behind, and Hunter can feel the tension in the air, but there was nothing else they could have done. They’ll go back for Crosshair eventually, but now, it would be suicide. They’ll have to wait for the right moment.

And then, the day after they leave, a message goes out to all clone troopers on the same official channel that the first strange order came through on. “Order 66 is revoked,” Anakin Skywalker tell the galaxy. “All clone troopers, stand down, and report to your commanding officer immediately.”

“Do we believe him?” Tech asks Hunter warily.

“No,” Hunter says, shaking his head. He liked General Skywalker when they worked with him before, but he doesn’t trust him with this. It could be a trap to lure in any defectors, like themselves, and now they have a child to protect. “We’re not going back.”

They go to visit Cut and Suu instead, since Cut is the only deserter they’ve ever met who’s been able to actually avoid getting caught. Saleucami isn’t very different under the new Empire than it was under the Republic, and the Lawquane family is much the same as ever. Apparently, they’ve missed Rex by a day, and Hunter can see the mingled relief and disappointment on Echo’s face. At least he’s alive and apparently unaffected by whatever’s happening to most of the regs. Hunter keeps a close eye on Cut, but he doesn’t seem to be affected either.

While Omega plays with Jek and Shaeeah, Cut and Suu fill Hunter and the others in on some things that have happened since they fled Kamino. Apparently, the Chancellor-turned-Emperor has been overthrown and revealed to be a traitor who spent the whole Clone Wars playing both sides against each other, and rumor has it that Senator Amidala will be taking his throne as the new Galactic Empress. Hunter has always liked Senator Amidala, and she’s always been a proponent of clone rights, but this whole Empire feels wrong to him, and he’s not sure he can trust anyone who plays a part in it.

He does gather the rest of his squad to discuss it in private, though, because this is a decision he thinks they should all make together.

“I don’t know,” Echo says, shaking his head. “I trust General Skywalker, and the Senator always seemed like a good person, but with everything that’s happening...”

“I don’t like it,” Wrecker declares. “I don’t like the Empire either. I don’t like any of this.”

“Neither do I,” Hunter agrees. He looks over at Tech, who’s been strangely silent. “What do you think?”

“I have been attempting to run calculations on the matter, but there are too many unknown variables,” Tech replies. “I cannot properly calculate our odds either way.”

“What about worst case scenarios?” Echo asks. “Which ones are better?”

“The worst case scenario either way results in our deaths,” Tech replies bluntly. “But I believe it is more likely that we will face danger from going back than from staying away, with the data I currently have. If this changes, I will inform you.”

“Then we’re staying away,” Hunter decides.

Tech adjusts his goggles. “What about Crosshair?”

Hunter doesn’t want to think about how they left Crosshair behind, but he forces himself to. He may have given them no choice but to leave him, but that doesn’t mean he deserves to be forgotten. “If he’s on Kamino, there’s no way we can get him back ourselves. If he’s not on Kamino, we don’t know where to find him. I want him back just as much as the rest of you, but I don’t think we can go after him yet, especially not with the kid.”

“Is she staying with us?” Echo asks.

Honestly, Hunter has been thinking about that as well. He doesn’t know how to raise a child, none of them do, and their lifestyle is too dangerous for a little girl, even one who’s an enhanced clone. She has no knowledge of the galaxy outside Kamino, and that could get her killed.

“I’ll talk to Cut,” Hunter says. “For now, let’s lay low and decide what to do next.”

They stay on Saleucami overnight, making plans. Hunter has a conversation with Cut about leaving Omega behind with him, which Omega overhears and vehemently disagrees with. Hunter tells the others to factor Omega into their plans.

In the end, they leave with some supplies, some news, and some tips on raising a child. They don’t have a real plan yet, but Hunter figures they’ll come up with something as they go along. Their main objective is just to keep their heads down and stay hidden.

And then, on their second day of aimless flying, they get a call.

“It’s from Kamino,” Echo says. “What do you say, Hunter?”

“Tech, can you make sure they can’t trace us or see us?” Hunter asks.

Tech nods. “Easily.”

“Then do that,” Hunter says. “Then we can see what they want with us on Kamino.”

After a few moments of fiddling, Tech accepts the call. The hologram fizzes into focus, and it shows...

“Commander Cody?” Wrecker demands.

“He can’t hear us,” Tech says helpfully. Wrecker gives him a dirty look, but before he can say anything else, Cody starts talking.

“I assume my message is getting through, even though I can’t hear you or see you. I’m here with someone who wants to speak to you.”

Cody steps aside, and Hunter's chest clenches as Crosshair steps into view. “I don’t blame you for leaving me behind when I was trying to kill you,” he says dryly, “but you could at least answer the comm properly now.”

Tech looks over at Hunter, but Hunter shakes his head. He’d like to believe this is really Crosshair, their Crosshair, but they still don’t fully know why he turned on them on Kamino, and Hunter can’t trust him until they know beyond the shadow of a doubt that he’s really back.

“I don’t know how much you know about this,” Cody says, “but all clone troopers have behavior modification chips that can be used to control us. The Emperor” - Cody says the title with more derision than Hunter’s ever heard in his voice before - “used them to turn us against the Jedi. But the order has been revoked, and the control chips are being removed.”

Crosshair turns his head to show a small red incision near his temple. “Recreational brain surgery,” he drawls. “The longnecks put up a fuss, and that sleemo Tarkin had to be taken care of, but it was nothing we couldn’t handle.”

Cody gives Crosshair the sort of fondly exasperated look that he’s given every member of the Bad Batch so many times, and Hunter wants so badly to believe this is real. He wishes he could.

“I understand that you aren’t likely to take us at our word,” Cody begins.

“Because you’re paranoid bastards,” Crosshair cuts in.

“But we’re willing to meet you at a location of your choice, just the two of us. You’ll outnumber us, two to one.” Cody’s lips twitch up the slightest bit. “Or two and a half to one, if you include the child you recused. And you all said I was a mother hen.”

“You know people called you that?” Crosshair asks.

Cody rolls his eyes, a surprisingly undignified move for the usually dignified commander. “No one was particularly subtle about it.” He turns his focus back to Hunter and the others. “If you want to meet with us, send coordinates and a time to my comm and we’ll be there.”

“And Wrecker,” Crosshair adds, “since the war is over, you’ll never have a chance to beat my total. I win.”

“Hey!” Wrecker protests, clearly forgetting that Crosshair can’t hear him.

The comm fizzles out on Crosshair’s smug expression. Hunter turns to the others, seeing his own uncertainty reflected on their faces.

“What do you think?”

“The cut on Crosshair’s head is in the right spot for it to be from removing the chip,” Omega offers helpfully. Hunter carefully doesn’t jump. Omega wasn’t in the cockpit when the call came in, and somehow, Hunter missed her entering. He must have been more distracted than he realized.

“It could be a trap, but the offer for us to choose the location makes that less likely,” Tech says. “Although they could prepare to mobilize troopers the moment we give them the coordinates.”

“I’m not sure if I believe them or not,” Echo says slowly, “but I think it’s worth looking into.”

Hunter looks to Wrecker. “What do you think?”

“Cross didn’t make any jokes like that after he started acting weird on Kaller,” Wrecker says. “All the regs acted like droids or something. Cross and Commander Cody weren’t acting like droids.”

“If it were just up to me, I’d meet up with them,” Hunter says. “But I think we should all be in agreement on this. What do you think?”

Echo, Tech, and Wrecker all look at each other. “I think we should meet with them,” Omega pipes up. “If we get to pick the spot, then we have the advantage, don’t we?”

They may or may not have an advantage, depending on whether or not Cody keeps his word about not bringing anyone else along. Hunter wants to do it anyway.

“I believe we should take this chance,” Tech says. “We may not get a better one. We can find out more of what’s happening, and if he still needs it, we may be able to rescue Crosshair.”

“I’m with Tech,” Wrecker agrees. “Let’s do it.”

“Echo?” Hunter asks, turning to the last member of the squad.

Echo looks at all of them, then nods once. “Let’s do it.”

“Alright,” Hunter says, immediately starting to make a plan. “Tech, figure out the best spot for us to meet them. Wrecker, Echo, check our weapons and start planning the best ways for us to get out of this alive.”

“What about me?” Omega asks as the other three go to do as they were told. “What can I do to help?”

“You’re going to stay on the ship when we meet with them,” Hunter says. Omega begins to complain, but he continues over her, “So that means I need to show you how it works.”

Omega’s complaining stops. “You’re going to show me how to fly the ship?”

“Just the basics,” Hunter says. “Come here.”

He manages to teach Omega the basics of takeoff, landing, flying, and using the guns by the time they reach Tech’s chosen location. It’s an ocean planet with small islands and rough atmospheric conditions, chosen so neither an aerial nor ground fleet can reach them easily. It reminds Hunter of Kamino. He wonders if that was purposeful.

“Assuming they come directly here and take the most direct route, Commander Cody and Crosshair should arrive within the hour,” Tech announces. “We can set up defenses while we wait.”

“Wrecker and I have some ideas for that,” Echo says, pulling out a box of land mines.

“This island is uninhabited, right, Tech?” Hunter asks.

Tech nods. “Entirely.”

Hunter turns to Echo and Wrecker. “Then go ahead.”

The two of them get busy preparing while Tech monitors for any incoming ships or transmissions and Hunter waits with Omega. It won’t be long, Hunter doesn’t think. Cody and Crosshair will arrive soon.

He really hopes this doesn’t end in a fight.

“Ship incoming,” Tech says, and Hunter jerks to attention. “It’s small. It wouldn’t fit more than a single squad.”

“Are you scanning any other ships?” Hunter asks.

Tech shakes his head. “Nothing else.”

So they’ll be fighting a squad at most, unless there’s another ship that’s evading Tech’s scanners. Of course, it’s possible that Cody and Crosshair were actually telling the truth when they said they’d come alone, but Hunter’s not going to take their word for it, not with the way everything’s been going lately. If they come with a squad, then he thinks his own squad, incomplete as it is, will have a fighting chance.

“They’re landing,” Echo reports from outside. “Are you coming out?”

“We are,” Hunter says. He turns to Omega and sits her down in the pilot’s seat. “You know what to do, right?”

“I know,” Omega says, nodding. “You can trust me.”

Hunter tousles her hair. “Alright, kid. Be careful.”

“Good luck!”

Hunter and Tech leave the ship and join Echo and Wrecker, who seem to have gone through the entire box of land mines. “Those aren’t going to blow us up, right?” Hunter asks dryly.

“They’re all wired to this detonator,” Echo says, taking the detonator off his belt to show the others. “They won’t go off unless I press the button.”

“Hopefully, we won’t have to,” Tech says. “It could cause serious damage to the ecosystem.”

“I thought you said nothing lives on the island,” Wrecker counters.

“It is uninhabited, yes, but the sea around us is not,” Tech replies. “And if we destroy this island, it will have consequences for the sea around.”

“We can talk about the consequences combat has on the ecosystem later,” Hunter interrupts. “Focus. The door is opening.”

The door to Cody and Crosshair’s ship lowers, and Hunter’s hand hovers just above his blaster. The others are in similar positions around him. None of them want this to come to a fight, Hunter knows that, but they’re all ready if it does.

And then two figures step off the ship, neither in armor nor, as far as Hunter can tell, armed. Cody looks mostly the same as ever, except for a shaved patch on the side of his head and a new scar under it. Next to him, Crosshair has a matching scar and expectation glittering in his eyes. For a moment, everything is silent.

“I told you they’d be ready for a fight,” Crosshair finally drawls. “You owe me five credits, Commander.”

“I didn’t take that bet, Crosshair,” Cody replies. “I’m just surprised their blasters aren’t drawn.”

“How can we know this isn’t a trap?” Hunter asks.

Crosshair reaches to pull something out of a pocket. Hunter tenses, but Crosshair just pulls out a small sample of something and tosses it at Tech, who catches it neatly.

“That’s the chip,” Crosshair says. “The four of you have them as well, but we’ll talk about removing those later.”

“What is it, Tech?” Hunter asks Tech quietly.

“It does look like a bio-organic chip of some sort,” Tech says. “I would have to study it in more depth to be certain that it was the one implanted in Crosshair, however.”

“I understand the hesitation to trust us,” Cody says, stepping forward. Hunter’s hand twitches closer to his blaster, and Cody puts his hands up in a gesture of surrender. “I understand,” he repeats, “but we’re telling the truth. What do we have to do to convince you?”

Hunter swallows, then he looks at Crosshair. “The Jedi kid, on Kaller.”

“You’re an awful liar,” Crosshair replies immediately. “But you were right not to kill him.”

It could still be a trap. Hunter knows it could be trap, but he wants to believe them so badly. He can see the same desire on the others’ faces. If they had to run, he has no doubt that they could do it, but if they don’t have to...

“Hunter,” Cody says - Cody, the one reg Hunter has always respected, the only commanding officer whose orders he’ll follow gladly. “You can trust us. This is real.”

Slowly, Hunter relaxes, moving his hand away from his blaster. The other do the same around him, readily enough that he knows they agree with his assessment. Cody and Crosshair aren’t a threat. They’re telling the truth.

“It’s good to have you back,” Hunter says to Crosshair, taking a step forward and not tensing at all when Crosshair and Cody do the same.

Crosshair doesn’t really smile in response, because Crosshair rarely smiles, but Hunter can read him well enough to know he’s pleased. “It’s good to be back.”

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thechangeling · 2 years

Note

Why am i like this why am i like this why am i *screams*

Story time because this happened at morning and im still internally screaming. My spanish teacher asked me to walk with her for a second cause she wanted to ask me smth, so i went with her kinda freaked out cause, well its me i go worst case scenario always. So, what she wanted to talk about, is that shes noticed i dont usually stare people in the eye when im talking. She said shed notice that for a while but that the last few days (since ive been talking to her more cause of a thing were working on) she just noticed and was curious why i did that. And if i was just zoning out. Then she started mentioning how i didnt look at her in class yada yada you get it.

I dont like looking people in the eye, but i didnt really notice how much i didnt do it till now. But i didnt feel like explaining that because "yeah looking people in the eye can be hard"

So i just

Lied

DONT ASK WHY MY BRAIN DECIDED TO TELL HER I WAS HAVING SIGHT ISSUES AND THATS WHY I AVOIDED LOOKING UP AT HER IN CLASS CAUSE I COULDNT SEE THE BOARD

But now i lied my ass off and told her id get an oftalmologist appointement in a few weeks because i was panicking 😭

One i neither have the time or money to attend

I mean, my sight *has* been off and i did want to get that checked BUT NOW I SOMEHOW MADE UP AN APOINTEMENT NEXT WEEK??

Kill me murder me assasinate me

Just in case im mentioning this cause i think its funny how i caught myself into ths situation

Zia..... omg 😂

Ok first of all don't beat yourself up. I understand why you wouldn't want to tell her that you might have ADHD and you have every right not to share that with people. Also impulse control is a symptom, one that gets me into trouble a lot too.

I don't know if you want moral support it solutions or both. Tbh idk. If you really don't have the time and money to see an eye doctor you could just tell her that if she asks again? Because if you tell her you went to the appointment and it turns out you don't need glasses then if it turns out later on you do then that might be hard to explain? And if you tell her that you do need glasses and it turns out that you don't then you're pretty much gonna have the same problem.

I don't know. Maybe you should talk to your parents about getting an appointment with an eye doctor if you feel comfortable doing so and then see what they say and go from there. Like I understand not wanting to say anything about ADHD but maybe if you have been wanting to get your eyes checked you could tell them that?

Also, in terms of getting distracted in class I find that sometimes giving my hands something to do helps, like doddling or playing with a pen. Also they say coffee can act like natural ADHD meds and instead of waking an adhd person's mind up like it does for most people, it actually helps it focus. Idk if this is true for me personally, I just like the taste and I know my head hurts if I don't have my coffee.

Sorry I don't know if you wanted advice or not but that's just where my brain goes lol. I'm sorry that you're in this situation. It sucks. It sucks even more that this world is so ableist we have to invent cover stories to explain away our neurodivergint behavior. It's not fair.

But I'm here if you wanna talk ❤

#asks #mutuals!#zia!

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nandalorian · 4 years

Text

the gentleness that comes

Sometimes you just get thinking about random things like “what if Jaskier decided to Eternal Sunshine himself to get over the mountain breakup?” and then proceed to ruin not only your life but the lives of everyone else around you. 🙃

Jaskier/Geralt, PG-13

“No mage can do what you’re asking. Not even, I would wager, something as powerful as a djinn, or at least not in any way that would bring you peace,” Tissaia explains with more patience than Jaskier honestly expected. For all the fearsome tales he’s heard of the headmistress of Aretuza, she is either kinder than he deserves, or the stories have done her very, very wrong. Perhaps both. But her eyes are steady, her expression serene. Absolute. “Just as we cannot induce someone to fall in love, nor can we make them fall out of it.” She pauses to offer a sympathetic smile. “I am sorry. For you to have travelled such a long way, I suspect you do not make this request in haste.”

The compassion in Tissaia’s voice is terrible to hear. After all, sometimes kindness can look like cruelty before you’ve gotten enough distance on a thing. Certainly the opposite is true, anyway. Jaskier would know. He lowers his gaze to his hands, of a sudden fascinated by the calluses on his fingertips, the ragged skin around his nails. He has to take several deep, steadying breaths before he answers.

“No, not in haste,” he manages at last. “I have prayed for it for some twenty-seven years.”

“Any man would be blessed to have captured such a loyal heart.”

Jaskier can’t resist a scoff. “Any man indeed.”

Several long moments pass, and eventually he must accept that Tissaia has said all she can on the matter. He forces himself to smile and climb to his feet, whereupon he sketches a bow fit for a queen. Tissaia doesn’t rise. She barely blinks, a statue rendered in green velvet and black lace.

“Mistress. I thank you for the tea, and your candor,” he tells her, still inclining his head with a hand pressed over his heart. “It’s not often a humble bard may boast an audience with the great Tissaia de Vries. If ever you are in need of musical entertainment, I proudly volunteer my services. I’m in your debt.”

“You are in no one’s debt, Lord Pankratz,” Tissaia answers, serenely as ever. At no point during their conversation did Jaskier tell her his full name, having introduced himself as Jaskier the Bard and no more. His title is useful to fling around in situations that call for it, but not here; Tissaia would see through any attempt at peacocking. “Nor are you merely a humble bard. You are most welcome here, as any friend of Yennefer’s is a friend of Aretuza.”

“Jaskier, if you will. And I’m not quite sure Yennefer would deign to call me a friend, but I’ll take it.” He smiles back and speaks through the tightness in his throat. “It’s been a pleasure.”

He is almost to the door of her study when her voice rings out again.

“Jaskier.”

He turns.

At some point Tissaia stood without making a sound and came around the desk to face him with her hands clasped together. “I cannot fulfill your wish as such. But I may be able to offer an alternative. One that comes at a great cost.”

Jaskier swallows and hopes the thrill of hope--and fear--elicited by her words isn’t completely obvious. “I’m listening.”

Her solution is quite simple, really, and so obvious that Jaskier isn’t sure how he didn’t think of it before.

However, nor is Tissaia’s warning in jest: the cost is great indeed. So great that Jaskier cannot in good conscience be sure it is one he’s capable of paying.

Not monetary, of course, though he came prepared to empty his pockets and offer his soul if necessary. No, the cost is something more significant and precious than any coin or favour. Much more.

“A memory spell is a rather straightforward matter,” Tissaia explains as she and Jaskier walk the halls of Aretuza. Their destination is unclear, but where Tissaia goes, he follows. He’s not stupid enough to do otherwise. “It’s a spell even a novice can be expected to perform adequately, with the proper training, of course. One never knows when war might be averted by something as simple as a king forgetting an accidental slight, or a maid forgetting a conversation they were not meant to overhear.” She shrugs. “Not always the most elegant solution, but effective.”

A shiver crawls down Jaskier’s spine and makes the hair stand up on his arms and the back on his neck.

Magic, especially the kind taught at Aretuza or Ban Ard, is an ethical grey area, and mages have always played hard and fast with the rules, holding themselves above the trivialities and petty concerns of human morality. That’s why they’re mages: feared, awed, and resented in equal measure.

That Tissaia speaks so casually about altering people’s memories, of mages’ power to decide the course of history according to their own values and interests, is a frightening concept. Most days Jaskier can’t decide what to eat for breakfast. And yet here he is, about to consider letting one of the most powerful mages in history stick her creepy magical fingers in his brain and give it a stir. He should consider getting his sanity checked instead.

Jaskier casts a sidelong look at Tissaia. “But falling in love isn’t like hearing something you shouldn’t, or being offended by a poor choice of words. It’s--”

“Complicated. Yes, quite. And even erasing the briefest of memories does not always go according to plan.”

Without warning, she stops in front of a heavy set of double doors, which she throws open with a flick of her wrist--a useless bit of pageantry, that, but one that distracts from Jaskier’s increasingly pressing urge to flee. Tissaia gestures for him to follow her inside and walks on.

Jaskier doesn’t immediately obey. Drumming his fingers anxiously against his leg, he leans over to peer inside, mind racing ahead to images of a frightening laboratory, potions bubbling away in vials, screaming victims strapped to tables or floating in giant vats. It’s--

Oh. A library.

Huffing to himself, Jaskier adjusts the strap of his lute on his shoulder and hurries to catch up.

The place is massive, far larger than it looks to be from outside, with soaring ceilings and giant stained-glass windows that reach several stories above their heads. Shelves upon shelves line the walls, stretching from floor to ceiling, and dozens more sit in neat rows upon multiple levels, staggered in tiers like a duchess’s birthday cake. They are filled to bursting with books, of course, interspersed with tables and comfortable chairs for mages at study. Jaskier can count at least four fireplaces burning merrily away. Right now he and Tissaia appear to be the only ones here.

With a theatricality he can’t help but admire, Tissaia turns and holds out her arms, encompassing everything and looking very like a queen showing off her kingdom. “What do you see before you?” she asks, voice echoing slightly in the cavernous space.

Jaskier furrows his brow. The question is almost certainly a trick of some kind, so he answers with the first thing to come to mind. “Uh… books?”

“Precisely.” Tissaia lowers her arms. “Tens of thousands of books, each of them containing spells, histories, first- and secondhand accounts of untold lifetimes, many of which have been forgotten but not lost.”

“Memories.”

She nods. “Yes. But memories are not like books. And magic, even in the hands of the most talented user, is not like taking a book down off a shelf. It is not a matter of selecting a few chapters to discard and letting the person continue on their merry way. The mind is a much more delicate and complex thing. If it were to be a story, it would be a very messy story indeed, with no clear narrative or plot, no chapter headings, and not necessarily even a single voice.”

“Sounds like some of my earliest compositions.”

He titters at his own joke; Tissaia’s expression doesn’t budge.

Unnerved, Jaskier clears his throat and has to break eye contact, looks around the room instead. After a moment, and with a smidge more gravity, he asks, “Why are you telling me this?”

Once again Tissaia regards him with that patient look from before. “Because you must comprehend that there is a price to what you’re asking, and why I do not suggest this lightly. If you are truly serious in your quest to rid yourself of Geralt of Rivia, and I sense that you are, there is a possible way forward. But to erase this one chapter of your life will require throwing out many more--whole volumes, whole books, shelf after shelf of memories. Possibly the entire library, if things do not go according to plan.” She pauses and steps forward to touch his chin, forcing Jaskier to look at her. “Do you understand what I am telling you?”

He swallows with difficulty, throat catching on the boulder suddenly lodged there. It wouldn’t do to ruin the moment by asking how she knows this is about Geralt, even though Jaskier definitely didn’t tell her and did his best to avoid thinking about him during their initial conversation. But his reputation precedes him, after all, and if not that, he really doesn’t want to know the extent of the mage’s legendary powers of telepathy. He also thinks to bring it up now would be missing the point.

“Are you saying I will forget my whole life?” he asks.

“Unlikely, though not impossible,” says Tissaia like that isn’t an utterly testicle-shrivelling statement. “That is the worst-case scenario. The best is that you will cease to remember everything since you met Geralt. That is, in essence, what you want, is it not?”

“I’ve known Geralt since I was barely eighteen.” Panic suffuses his voice without Jaskier quite meaning it to. “I’m forty-five years old.”

Eighteen-year-old Jaskier is a mystery to him now. Oh, he vaguely recalls joints that didn’t creak and a back that offered him less trouble each morning upon rising, a cock that would swell at a hard gust of wind and balls that never seemed to empty. That boy could sing all day and dance all night in and out of people’s beds. He was loud, annoying, impetuous, drunk on the sound of his own voice, and full of love. So full of love that he could saunter up to a complete stranger with white hair and yellow eyes and end up following him around for twenty-seven years instead. Well… twenty-four, if you don’t count the last three since they become estranged. Which Jaskier absolutely does not.

His enduring muse and most steadfast friend; his life’s greatest and most unfulfilled passion.

His most profound heartbreak.

Not much has changed about the last part, but Jaskier likes to think he’s grown wiser with age, less migraine-inducing. He lived enough to discover what pleased him before it was taken away.

Are any of those lessons worth unlearning, for any reason?

“Eighteen isn’t a bad age,” Tissaia remarks, breaking through his thoughts, or perhaps deliberately interrupting. She has been steadily taking in Jaskier’s internal struggle with that calm, measured gaze, though her attention is sharp. “By then most of us have some idea of who we are and what we want. Enough that you could begin again.”

Jaskier slants her a look. “Mages are immortal, and you’re one of the oldest still living. Please don’t condescend to me that eighteen is anything but as unbearably young as it sounds.”

A small smile. Perversely, it reminds him of Geralt. “When you’ve lived as long as I have, forty-five is unbearably young too.”

Ruefully, unexpectedly, Jaskier barks a laugh and concedes the point with a nod. “Touché.”

They linger in that shared bit of humour for a moment, Tissaia’s smile widening and making her look abruptly more human since they met, and then she cants her head. She gestures, and from seemingly nowhere a book tumbles off some far-off shelf and flies into her hand. With an enigmatic smile, she turns it over to reveal the spine and hands it to Jaskier. The Songs of Jaskier the Bard is tooled on the front in gold, winking in the firelight.

“You’re more fortunate than most: there’s an account of your life right here. Should you want it, that is.”

“I’m not sure I do anymore.” Jaskier peers at the book from the corner of his eye. It almost hurts to look at it directly, to think of the tales sung about in its pages, the joy, the adventure, but also the love and heartache couched beneath every note, every clever turn of phrase. The next words are a genuine struggle to get out, and he tries with everything he has not to cry. “No, I think that time has quite passed. I want peace. And if not peace, then at least blissful ignorance.”

“Hm.” The sound is neither pitying nor understanding, merely thoughtful. Tissaia regards him critically. “Then you may have it. You’re still a young man. Not a grey hair on you, and I’ve my suspicions you’ll live for a while yet.”

Jaskier narrows his eyes at her. What does that even mean. “What does that mean?”

She chuckles. “It means you have time. And time heals a multitude of wounds. Not perfectly, but… passably.”

“And--what? I can find love again, or some such tosh?”

“If you like.”

He huffs. “I used to think that. I did. Give it time, and eventually I’d meet someone new who would make me forget Geralt ever existed, blah blah blah--yes, I know, the irony of that isn’t lost on me.” Jaskier is quiet for a moment. “But I don’t know if that’s true anymore. It’s been three years. The wound hasn’t healed, only festered. The more I try to open my heart to others, the more it seems to close.”

“It is said people linked by destiny will always find each other.”

“Oh, I know that one. That’s a prison sentence, not a comfort.”

“I didn’t intend for it to be.”

At last Jaskier forces himself to look down at the book in his hand. It has a pleasant heft in his hand, the weight of a life lived well. For twenty-seven--no, twenty-four years he gazed upon the face of the man he loved and loves still. Sang of him, to him, the way seabirds call to the sea, a song in their blood even when the crash of the surf is too far away to be heard.

Is that enough? Can it be enough?

Perhaps it will have to be. Or perhaps he can simply wake up tomorrow and not remember or care what the correct answer is. Forget even that he asked the question.

He sets the book down upon a nearby table and pauses only to run his hand down the cover, leather supple beneath his fingertips. In his mind’s eye is Geralt--not spitting mad and vicious on a mountaintop, no, but as Jaskier first saw him, sitting quietly by himself in the corner of a tavern. Trying so very hard to escape everyone’s notice, and yet once he caught Jaskier’s eye, quite impossible to look away from. Impossible not to love.

Jaskier turns back to Tissaia and meets her gaze steadily.

“I understand and accept the risks,” he says, confident in a way he does not feel. That has always been his way. Even, it must be said, at eighteen. It’s enough. It will be enough. “Now tell me what I must do.”

#the witcher #jaskier x geralt #jaskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier/geralt #geraskier #post ep 1x06 #post mountain breakup #not sure if this will continue or if i will just suffer in silence from here on out #my fic #tumblr fic

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gay-otlc · 3 years

Text

Oneat Cperson Disorder

Obviously everyone with OCD is super neat. They probably have great handwriting and a perfectly organized room, and they’re qUiRkY because they don’t like asymmetrical things, all that shit. That’s what OCD stands for! Oneat Cperson Disorder!

Wait... OCD isn’t Neat Person Disorder?

Then what is it?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. That’s the real acronym. It’s not Neat Person Disorder, it’s not a synonym for organized. It’s a shitty disorder characterized by obsessions and compulsions. A major symptom is intrusive thoughts.

This is what OCD actually is.

(Warning: Unneccessarily long. You have been warned.)

Intrusive thoughts

Almost everyone gets intrusive thoughts. That’s not an OCD specific thing.

The way my therapist explained it was that the brain is like an email inbox, and thoughts are like emails. Some thoughts are marked as important, such as things like I need a drink of water. This is important to survivial and should be prioritized. Some thoughts just go in the general inbox, like That person over there is tall. It might be relevant to whatever’s going on at the moment, but is generally not that important. Some thoughts are spam, like I should hurt someone I care about. It’s not born out of any desire, it’s just random, and it’s completely unimportant.

A non-OCD person would mark the spam emails as spam. An OCD person would mark them as important.

And the type of spam emails that gets marked as important goes with the subtype of OCD. So, someone with harm OCD (me, it’s me, hi) could get the thought Overdose on these painkillers. Someone with contamination OCD could get the thought I touched this surface and now my hand is covered in germs.

Conclusion: Intrusive thoughts would be fine if my fucking spam filter worked. Stupid brain.

Obsessions

After marking the intrusive thought as important, the brain will consider it to be... well... important. It isn’t, but hey, the brain doesn’t know that. It just knows that it was marked as important, so it should definitely think about this email.

And think about the email.

And be literally unable to stop thinking about the email.

And become completely and utterly obsessed with the email until it matters more than a lot of the actually important thoughts.

Thanks a lot, brain.

This is the obsession!

Since the brain only marked an intrusive thought as important because it was distressing, thinking about the intrusive thought will obviously cause more distress. OCD is an anxiety disorder, and the obsessions make you... take a wild guess... anxious!

An obsession will spiral until it creates a worst case scenario, usually taking place in a “what if” form.

So after I get the thought about overdosing, the next thing I think will be Oh fuckity fuck fuck fuck fuck, what if I overdose on these painkillers? I don’t want to, but I’m worried I’ll lose control and impulsively do it. This is hilarious, because I am an extremely not-impulsive person, but the OCD brain thinks in absolutes.

It wants solid, 100% confirmation that I will not commit suicide. And no matter how unlikely it seems that I will, having 100% certainty that I won’t is impossible. And my OCD brain apparently doesn’t understand probability and thinks that P(not overdosing) =/= 100% means P(overdosing) is extremely likely.

This might also be accompanied by fun other distrubing thoughts that explore this worst case scenario in more detail, such as my family finding my dead body, my friends being told I’m dead, people attending my funeral, etc.

A person who thought I touched this contaminated surface might go on to think Oh no, what if I now have this disease and get sick and die? That might be accompanied by going to the hospital, having surgeries and shit, also the funeral, etc.

The “what if” question is very distressing, And because it’s an obsession, you can’t stop thinking about it.

Conclusion: My brain should be able to stop thinking about things. Stupid brain.

Compulsions.

That obsession from before was fuckin’ scary, right? It’s all worst case scenario shit. We don’t want that happening.

So, what do we do?

Prevent it from happening! Seems logical, right?

Except. Except this is absolutely, 100% the wrong thing to do. It perpetuates the idea that intrusive thoughts are Big Scary ™ and creates a vicious cycle until preventing the worst case scenario from happening completely consumes our lives.

Compulsion is any sort of preventative measure.

When I have thoughts like overdose on these painkillers, there are a lot of things I really shouldn’t do except always do. I could list reasons to live (The problem with this is that I don’t want to die, and treating it like I do adds on to the idea that this is a genuine risk. People who are suicidal for real absolutely should think about reasons to live.) I could google “signs of suicidal people” until I’m confident that I don’t fit enough of those signs. I could completely avoid painkillers at all whatsoever until I’m in too much pain to do schoolwork I really need to do and then upon trying to take a painkiller I have a panic attack I mean haha what that definitely wouldn’t ever happen-

If someone has the thought I touched this contaminated surface and is now worried about getting sick and dying, what could they do? They could wash their hands, which is a big one associated with OCD. They could check symptoms of whatever disease they’re worried about until they’re sure they don’t have it. If a fever is something they’re worried about, they could check their temperature and then check it again because they don’t believe the first non-feverish number I mean haha I’ve never done this one either really what is it with these examples? So random, definitely not based in real life...

Ahem.

All of these measures are taken to prevent something that there isn’t a risk of, are make me more scared of something I don’t actually have to be scared of, and make me more reliant on these habits to the point where it interferes with my functioning; for example, if I’m scared of painkillers now, I’ll be in more pain and that will make it harder to do things.

Conclusion: Just because compulsions give me immediate relief from anxiety, doesn’t mean they aren’t bad in the long run, and doing them is also bad. Stupid brain.

Ending Statements And Stuff:

So, can people with OCD be neat? Well, I’m convinced neat people are a myth, but I guess they can be. But can people with OCD also be disorganized? Fuck yeah, I’m here, aren’t I?

OCD stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It is not Oneat Cperson Disorder, and please do not treat it as such. That can be harmful to disorganized people with OCD like me, who think “I can’t possibly be OCD! My room is a mess!” and then just... not get help for so long.

It’s also just... like... wrong? It’s factually incorrect to say OCD is a synonym for neat and that alone should be a good enough reason for you to not say it.

Don’t say things like “I’m so OCD!” because you don’t like it when something is crooked or any thoughts I have about harming you will be completely intentional.

Also, I think we can conclude that Shai’s brain is fucking stupid.

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rezzyromance · 3 years

Note

Could you do a platonic thing with the four lords with a reader that comes out to them as trans and is like really really nervous that they'd hate them afterwards?

Sure thing!

Alcina

You stand in front of the bathroom mirror, stressfully trying to think of the right thing to say to Alcina to come out to her as transgender. You and her had formed a close bond and she allowed you to live in the castle with her. The last thing you wanted was to ruin your friendship and have her hate you. The thought alone made you feel like crying. "Okay .. deep breaths." you repeat to yourself as you try to calm down. "Alcina...I am.. transgender.", you say into the mirror, knowing for a fact it won't be that easy. You're close to giving up until you hear a knock on the bathroom door. "Hey (Y/N)... you okay?", you recognized the voice as Bella, one of Alcina's daughters who you also had grown close to. "Uh yeah! Sorry! I'll be out in a second!", you nervously fix your appearance and exit the bathroom, only to be face to face with Bella outside the door. "What is transgender?", she asks. Your heart races at the realization that she heard you. "Well umm... it's when.. you don't really feel connected to the gender you were born with. Like, you feel like you're actually the opposite gender than you were born as.", you attempt to explain. You watch as she stares at you. You can almost see the gears in her head turning as she was thinking. "So... you're that?", she asks. "I think so, yes. And I feel like I should tell Alcina but..", you try to think of the right words to say. "She won't care, (Y/N).", she says. "You've been transgender this whole time, right? So, what's different?", she was still a bit confused on the subject, but she had the spirit.

"I don't think she'll care either way. Just tell her when you're ready.", she assures you and smiles before turning into a swarm of flies and flying away. She brought you a new found sense of confidence and you began to make your way through the castle to find Alcina. She was in her bedroom. You respectfully knocked before opening the door. "Come in.", you hear her voice ring. You open the door and step into the room. She was sitting in front of her mirror, applying lipstick. "Hello, (Y/N).", she smiles and looks at you through the mirror. Her smile brought you comfort and you took a deep breath, preparing for your confession. "Alcina... I have something I need to get off my chest.", you say, studying her reaction. She pauses from applying her lipstick and doesn't move. "Oh? What may that be?", she waits for your response.

"I'm transgender.", you say, freezing seconds after speaking. She then turns around to look at you. "Trans... gender?", she cocks her head in confusion. "I identify as the opposite gender than what I was born as..", you explain, overthinking what her next move may be. "Ah, I see.", she turns back around to continue putting on her lipstick. "Well, I don't see what difference it makes, but I'm glad you told me.", she finished and puckered her lips before standing up and approaching you. "I am glad you felt comfortable telling me, though. Is there anything else I should know?", she asks. "I'd like for you to use my preferred pronouns when talking to or about me.", you say. "It shall be done. Thank you for telling me, (Y/N).", she smiles a motherly smile that makes your heart warm.

Donna

Your good friend Donna Beneviento had invited you to dinner and tea at her house tonight. It wasn't unlike her to do this. Invitations to spend time with her were rare for many, but not for you. You were one of the only people in her life that she felt comfortable enough to actually spend time with. She usually goes through a constant struggle of being very lonely, but not trusting anyone enough to get close to them. Thankfully, you had each other. You trusted her with your life and she felt the same way for you. It felt nice for her to have a good friend that wasn't a doll.

You're usually excited to join Donna for dinner, but this time you had a bad feeling. You have to come out to her as transgender. Even though she's a very generous and understanding girl, she can be a little unpredictable at times, so there was no telling how she'd handle the news. And of course, your brain automatically imagines the worst case scenario. You look over at the clock and realize you're almost late. You bottle up your anxiety and try to keep it together as you make your way to her house.

Once you get there, you're greeted by her friendly face. She had only recently felt comfortable enough around you to unveil herself. Her smile was warm and the large scar on her eye didn't bug you at all. "Welcome.", she smiles and closes the door behind you. "Sorry for being a little behind. I got a little side tracked before coming here.", you anxiously scratch your neck. "it's okay (Y/N). The tea is still hot.", she motions towards the kitchen where she had recently made tea for you both. "(Y/N)!", a familiar voice calls from beneath you. You look down to see Angie waving up at you. You smile. "Hi Angie! How are you?", you crouch down to try and get on her level. "I'm alright. Hey wait a minute..", she places her hand on her chin and begins to stare intensely at your face. A wave of anxiety flows over you and you fear it's strong enough for Donna or Angie to sense it. "Did you do something new with your hair?", she asks. "Umm yeah just trying out a new style. Thanks for noticing.", you awkwardly laugh and stand up once again, trying to appear confident in hopes to not raise any suspicions.

Donna lifts up Angie and walks to the kitchen as you follow behind. You watch as Angie begins to whisper into Donna's ear. Donna glances over at you and you feel as if your stomach is being twisted. What could she have said? Why is Donna looking at you differently? You continue to try and keep your cool and join Donna with a cup of tea. "Would you like to sit? Dinner will be done soon.", she says. You nod and sit with her in the dinning room. The room is uncomfortably quiet. "I think our guest has a bit on their mind.", Angie says. "Angie, don't be rude. (Y/N), is everything okay? You seem to be stressed about something.", Donna looks over at you with concern. There's no way you can just pretend that nothing is wrong. There's no way you can promise her that there's nothing you want to talk about. So, you prepare to take the plunge.

"Donna, I recently came to an understanding about myself...", you begin. She continues to stare at you, anxiously waiting for the worst. "I.. I'm transgender. I've actually known for a while but never felt comfortable enough to really say it out loud.", you look down at the tea cup in your hands, not wanting to make eye contact. "Well, I'm glad you told me.", she says. You look up and observe her face. There's no ill feelings in sight. In fact, her face is glowing. "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. I just didn't know how you'd take it and I was worried that maybe you would be upset.", you sigh, letting out all of your pent up energy. "Well I see nothing wrong with you! You're still one of my best friends and always will be.", she gives you a warm smile and continues to sip her tea. You do the same, smiling as you feel the anxiety finally evaporating from around you.

Moreau

Sal had invited you to another movie night, this being the 3rd one this week. You're his only friend and he treasures you and the time you spend together. You too enjoy spending time with him. He's always been friendly and caring towards you, but you feared of that changing. You didn't want to keep the fact that you're transgender from him. It's such an important part of who you are and it didn't feel right to keep it hidden from the closest person in your life as if it were a dirty secret. But still, something in you wanted to keep it quiet, scared of how things may change. Of how he may react. He had never been angry or upset with you, but that didn't eliminate any anxiety on your conscious.

You knock gently on the door of his shack to alert him that you have arrived. He was quick to scuttle over to the door, greeting you with a large smile. "Hi (Y/N)! I made sure to get your favorite snacks since you said the other day you weren't feeling very good!" You had forgotten that you told him that. Last week he had invited you to a movie night but you declined due to the overwhelming anxiety of all the "what ifs" in terms of how he'd react to finding out that you're trans.

You walk over to the little couch with the tv in front of it and see the many snacks he had on display in front of you. All of them were snacks that you had mentioned liking over the past. It was heartwarming to see how much he truly listens and remembers about you. "Thank you so much, Sal. You're too nice." "I try. So, are you feeling better? What was wrong?", he begins to question you. You take a deep breath and prepare. Is now a good time? Is any time a good time? Your lack of a response causes his smile to shrink, slowly turning into a concerned frown. "(Y/N)... are you alright?"

"Moreau.. I'm transgender.", you admit, looking at him as you wait for his reaction. "Oh no! Is that bad? Are you okay?! Can I help?!", he begins to panic. His reaction causes you to laugh. You didn't realize that he would most likely have no idea what being transgender meant. "No I'm fine. It just means that I don't really identify as the gender I was born as. Does that make sense?", you attempt to explain it simply to him to avoid any more confusion. His panic ceases and you watch as he tries to decipher exactly what you're saying. "So.. nothing's wrong with you?", he's still focused on whether or not you're okay. "Yes, Sal don't worry I'm okay. I just was worried to tell you because I didn't know how you'd react. Nothing is different other than the fact that you know now.", you assure him. "As long as you're happy and okay then I'm okay and happy.", he smiles, still a bit confused but fully on board to support you.

Heisenberg

Karl wasn't really one to make friends. He was always a bit of a lone wolf, feeling as if he wasn't likeable enough to have friends. But, you two had a bond that he had never felt before. He didn't get annoyed when you were around. He didn't view you as annoying or a burden. You laughed at his jokes and understood that any of his snarky and mocking comments were just jokes. You took his harshness and always reflected it back onto him. He liked you so much that he even decided to let you help him work. He let you know about his plan to take down Miranda. You supported him and did your best to help out.

While you did spend a lot of time together, whether it was working together or just joking around with each other, conversation never got too personal. He never revealed too many details about his past and never got sentimental. You did the same. With that being said, you never knew how to come out to him as trans. It seemed so personal that you worried it may make him uncomfortable, but it felt as if the secret was constantly causing your anxiety to grow worse and worse.

"Hey kid, I'm gonna be working on a new cadaver. Wanna help out?", he offered. As gruesome as it is, you do occasionally help him work on dead bodies. You had formed a tolerance for the disturbing work. "Uh yeah sure.", you agree and follow him to the room where he performs his experiments. The room was cold and you were met with the sight of a corpse laying on a metal table with a blanket draped over it. You and Karl step into jumpsuits and put on rubber gloves in attempts to work in a sanitary fashion. He rolled a cart over to the work station with multiple tools, some surgical and others being his own creations. "Alright Dr. (Y/N). Scalpel", he lays his hand palm up, waiting for you to hand him his desired tool. You do as he says though you're not fully concentrated on the task at hand. Your thoughts were too flooded with troubling thoughts of how he may react to your confession. "Alright can you get the bag from that table over there so I can put his heart in it?", he asks.

His words sound like mumbling to you as you zone out further. "Hey Dr. (Y/N). Yoohoo.", he waves his hand in front of your face, snapping you out of your thoughts. "Yeah?", you panic, not remembering what he had just asked you. "What's going on? You gotta pay attention for this type of thing. Get me the bag.", his tone was slightly aggravated. "Sorry.", you rush to grab the bag and make your way back to him. He takes the bag from you and begins to put the organs inside. "Alright now can you go place this bag in that bucket so I can dispose of it later?", you zone out again. "Dammit (Y/N) what's your deal?", he snaps his fingers. You begin to panic. "Umm I uh", you stutter as you try to gather your thoughts. "I'm transgender.", you blurt out, regretting it instantly. The room was quiet for a second. "Okay?.... Does that prevent you from putting this poor son of a bitch's organs in the bucket?", his response caught you off guard. It's almost as if he didn't hear what you said. "Um.. no.", "Okay. Then do me a favor and put these in the bucket and close it tight before it starts to smell worse. You do as he says, confused as to how he just moved on from your words.

"So... you don't care?", you ask after securing the organs inside of the bucket. "No? I mean do you want me to?", his words could be seen as harsh if taken out of context, but you knew he didn't mean anything harmful. In fact, that was just his way of being supportive. "I mean I don't know. I just felt like it was important to tell you but I didn't know how you'd react.", you watch as he walks over to a shelf covered in what looks like clutter. He grabbed an invention of his that can simulate a heart when attached correctly to a corpse. "Hey, I don't care what you do or what you are. As long as you don't fuck up what I'm working on then you and me will be on good terms.", he smiles and slaps your upper back, knocking the wind out of you slightly. He then lets out a snarky laugh and begins to attach the heart to the body in front of you. As you gather your breath back you smile to yourself, happy to know that he still supports you in his own, weird way.

#re8 #resident evil village #karl heisenberg headcanons #lady alcina #lady d #lady demetrescu #karl heisenburg #karl heisenberg #salvator moreau #salvator moreau headcanon #donna beneviento headcanons #donna beneviento

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advena87 · 4 years

Text

Lambert and Aiden on the Path Part 3

Here is Part 1

Here is Part 2

As with part 1 and 2 , this is when Lambert and Aiden were just building their bond. Please remember that they share one brain cell and mayhem is their natural habitat.

***

Aiden: You should cooperate with us, we need this information to kill monster. Thug: And what’s in it for me? Aiden, points to Lambert: He’ll stop doing it. Thug: Doing what? Lambert: *quickly grabs the thug and smacks his head on the table* Thug: Ow, fuck! Aiden: That.

***

Aiden: What's wrong with you?

Lambert: Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of parental affection, and a genetic predisposition for alcoholism, anxiety and depression.

Aiden: I really like you, but you are a terrible person to talk about personal stuff.

Lambert: Thanks, that means a lot to me.

***

Lambert: Stay where I can see you.

Aiden: What am I, a kid?

Lambert: Kids are baby goats. They're cute, and they have redeeming social value. You are definitely not a kid.

***

Village Chief: You are without a doubt the worst witchers I've ever heard of.

Aiden: But you have heard of us!

Village Chief: The neighboring village burned down because of you, so it was hard not to hear. There is a reward for your heads.

Lambert: We're getting the fuck out of here.

Aiden: But he heard of us!

***

Aiden: You're so committed to being not committed.

Lambert: Oh hell no, we don’t do that. I would rather bleed out and die than sit here and talk about my feelings.

Aiden: I understand that sarcasm is your thing, and I want to love and accept all parts of you, but can you please not make jokes about dying right now?

***

Aiden: I didn’t even stab him!

Lambert, sarcastically: I’m so proud of you. No stabbing Wednesday. New tradition.

***

Lambert: So that’s your plan?

Aiden: Please, I don’t plan! I scheme.

***

Lambert: You’re alive!!!

Aiden: Philosophically, arguable, but physically, yes I am.

***

Aiden: I think I know what's going on in your head, Lambert.

Lambert: Well then, welcome to the terror dome.

***

Aiden: Speaking of trouble, we should have run into some by now.

Lambert: What do you mean?

Aiden: You know, a villain, a booby trap...

*the street lights go out, leaving them in darkness*

Aiden: ... Or an ambush.

***

Lambert: Aiden, are you spying on me?

Aiden: I'm a cat. I'm curious. So kill me.

***

Lambert, waking Aiden: Hey- You ok?

Aiden: I'm dead.

Lambert: I know, you must feel like shit after that-

Aiden: No. I went into cardiac arrest eight minutes ago. I'm deceased.

Lambert: Oh, come on- *checks Aiden's pulse* What the fuck... How are you talking?

Aiden: Superior Cat witcher training. Indomitable will.

Lambert: You really don't have a fucking pulse!

Aiden: Just adrenaline and rage keeping me going. Also, a swallow.

***

*Lambert and Aiden are hiding from chase in the niche between the buildings*

Lambert: Is that your fucking hand on my ass?

Aiden: It was an accident.

Lambert: Aiden, your hand's still on my ass.

Aiden: IT'S STILL AN ACCIDENT!

***

Aiden: I need to get my business in order before I drag you into it.

Lambert: What if I told you I wanna be dragged into it? I could help, maybe.

Aiden: Why now? Why are you all of a sudden into me now?

Lambert: I don't know. I haven't overanalysed it, like you're about to.

***

* during the night hunt in the city*

Aiden: So, this is romantic... The two of us, full moon...

Lambert: Homeless guy pissing on a dumpster...

***

Lambert, to Aiden: You know, you have a talent for turning a bad situation into the worst case scenario.

***

Aiden: Hey, wanna help me commit a felony?

Lambert: What the hell?!

Aiden: Oh, sorry, my bad.

Aiden, whispering: Wanna help me commit a felony?

Lambert, whispering: Of course, dude, what do you need?

***

Lambert, holding Aiden in his arms: Can I have a moment alone with him?

Villagers: Of course *leaves*

Lambert: Now listen asshole, I know you're not dead.

Aiden: Yeah, no shit-

***

Aiden: Sometimes my mouth keeps moving before I can even think about what's coming out of it.

Lambert: Same.

Aiden: Your turn.

Lambert: Well, personally I'm a fan of ignoring a problem until eventually it just goes away or bite my ass.

Aiden: Same…

***

Lambert: I don’t need friends! I HAVE KNIVES! *throws knife*

Aiden: *dodges*

Lambert: I’m... Out of knives.

***

Lambert: [lists off his numerous enemies] Aiden: How does one man have so many enemies? Lambert: I’m a people person who drinks. Aiden: Ah.

***

Lambert: Every time I ask you to do something, you always manage to screw it all up.

Aiden: And yet you continue to ask me. You need help, mister.

***

Lambert: Looks like I got here just in time.

Aiden: What do you mean, just in time?

Lambert: You were in very big trouble.

Aiden: I had the situation under control.

Lambert: Mmm, I see. So which part of the situation did you have under control: the blocked entrance, the poison gas, or that guy behind you?

Aiden: Oh, you mean that one that’s too far away to worry about?

***

Aiden: I'll admit I've done a lot of things in my life that I'm not proud of.

Aiden: No, no, that's not true, I'm proud of most of them.

***

Aiden: Bottom line, are you in or are you out?

Lambert: Well then I'm out.

Aiden: Actually you're already in.

Lambert: Then why would you ask me?

Aiden: Because I thought you would go, "I'm in, Aiden!", and we would have had a really cool moment, but you kind of ruined the whole thing.

***

Lambert: Ok, let's go free an innocent woman.

Aiden: Nice. My dreams are coming true. You and me getting a lady off together.

Lambert: I mean, you know how that sounds, right?

***

Aiden: Do you love me? It's a simple question.

Lambert: It's not a simple answer.

Aiden: I know.

***

Aiden: Lambert, just give up before you embarrass yourself.

Lambert: Oh no, I never give up before I embarrass myself.

***

Aiden: Did I ever tell you how pretty you look when you’re angry?

Lambert: Well I must look gorgeous right now because I’m furious!

***

Lambert: Aiden, I was kidding myself. All that planning and reading… I don’t have a clue where we’re going.

Aiden: You’re doing great. Besides, we NEVER know what we’re doing. Remember cursed forest?

Lambert: You made cute plant food.

Aiden: And this village near Novigrad, how you got us locked in prison?

Lambert: I got us locked in? That was totally your fault!

Aiden: See? It’ll be fine.

#witcher #witcher 3 #tw3 #witcher lambert #lambert #witcher aiden #aiden #lambert/aiden #lambert x aiden #aiden/lambert #aiden x lambert #lamden #laiden #lambert and aiden on the path #masters of mayhem #incorrect quotes #incorrect witcher #incorrect witcher quotes

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rpmemesbyarat · 3 years

Conversation

RP meme from Scream Queens Ep 6 "Seven Minutes in Hell" (Note: Offensive content, use at own discretion)

Everyone would immediately assume the killer is me.

Are you one of those idiot savants who's heavy on the idiot, light on the savant?

I am simply a victim of my times.

Are you aware your pants are on backwards?

Then whose fault is it?

I am never talking about anything ever again!

Yeah, super sorry about what happened down there.

Why are you laughing?

What about that fit you threw down there?

You're not mad at me?

Oh, I meant everything I said about you.

I still think you're useless. I'm just not sad about it.

You never, ever want to be the boss in a time of extreme crisis.

As soon as you become the boss, you get a target on your back, from the feds, the other families, ambitious underlings.

Sure, seems like you have all the power, but you also take on the most risk.

Oh, don't judge me for trying to stay alive.

Do not give an inch.

What's your game here?

I trust you about as far as I can throw you.

I know we don't know who the killer is, but we know it traces back to this house.

There are two things that always happen at a slumber party; someone experiments with lesbianism and secrets are revealed.

We can create situations and scenarios to really prime the pump.

We'll lock everybody up overnight, and we're bound to find out something.

A slumber party sounds fun.

Let's play spin the bottle.

Someone always goes lesbian.

We're playing spin the damn bottle.

Why spin the bottle?

That is not a nasty rumor. That is a true rumor.

So I propose a panty raid.

You taste like wax.

I guess we have to kiss.

You're a great kisser.

Was I interrupting you?

I was just practicing looking disinterested.

I'm pretty sure I was born without that part of the brain that actually feels stuff.

We have so much in common.

I'm starting to think we have something very important and specific in common.

My sex life up until this point is what you'd call unusual.

I think the only way to be sure of your feelings is if you let me gently rub your uterus right now.

When I love someone, it drives them insane.

Believe me when I say that if it was possible for me to feel anything I would totally be crying right now.

That doesn't seem healthy.

All the doors are locked solid. Windows, too. Upstairs and down.

I decided to have the whole house turned into a panic room.

But wait, doesn't that mean that there's some sort of switch somewhere to deactivate it?

I hate being trapped in small places.

There's only one reason why the killer would do something like this-- to pick us off one by one.

Guess it's just a matter of time before one of us or all of us ends up dead.

You have to help us.

Look, I'm prepared to say I'm sorry I did that.

What I'm not prepared to do is say the sex was bad.

Yeah. I'm not gonna apologize for that one.

I'm about to get murdered, so can you please just hang up and get over here?

How on earth are we supposed to get in if all the doors and windows are locked?

Dude, we climb up the ladder, break the windows upstairs, save all the girls, climb back down, then it's vagina city for all of us.

Why would you bomb-proof upstairs windows? For what, like, a flying bomb?

Don't be an idiot.

It's hero time.

Save me and I'm yours forever.

I'm not really sure I'm ready for that level of commitment.

Break the glass!

Stand back, fair maiden.

Give him the dignity of watching him die.

Someone in this house definitely knows who the killer is.

It's truth or dare time.

Whatever it takes to stop the douche that's trying to kill everybody.

I mean, do you ever just stop and ask yourself if we can actually pull this off?

Maybe we all just need to get out of here.

The best way to avoid a shark attack is to not go in the water.

We all have a crisis of faith sometimes.

Maybe you're hiding something.

I'd pick truth and then just lie.

If you want to lie, you can just pick dare.

That's the whole point of truth or dare. You can't lie.

Does your vagina have teeth?

I'm not lying.

My vagina doesn't have teeth.

Does your vagina still have teeth?

So it used to have teeth, but you got them removed?

So your vagina still has teeth.

Sounds like you're trapped in a web of lies.

You're forfeiting your turn, bitch.

Okay, I guess it's my turn, then.

You promised you wouldn't tell.

Sorry. I had to tell the truth.

Of course you're the killer.

I propose we take a little break, You know, take a whiz, get a refill.

You know what? I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ever trusted you.

I wanted to talk about the other thing you said, about how you thought you had feelings for me.

The only feelings I have for you now are rage and pissed offedness.

Now go sit in that bathtub and think about what you've done. And try not to rub one out, okay?

Come on! I said I was sorry!

If anybody's down here, please don't jump out at me.

Is that blood?

Wait. If you're gonna kill me, at least show me who you are first.

I knew it. I knew it was you.

Please. You don't have to do this. I could help you.

There's never any food in there. Just laxatives.

I got the impression that you and I are on the verge of being the next "it" couple.

See, this is the problem with texting, you know? You can't hear the context.

Even though I decided to not wear a bra, you haven't been staring at my shirt raisins once.

Okay, look, I was waiting to talk to you about this 'cause secretly I was hoping you'd be killed and I wouldn't have to hurt your feelings.

I just don't think it would work out with us.

You're nuts, and not like a typical crazy-eyes co-ed, but wake-up-with-my penis-in-a-jar lunatic.

I love space mountain. Best ride at Disneyland. But I love my penis more.

Number one-- I never take second place. And number two-- I don't stop till I get what I want.

Was that salad spinner hitting on you?

I am super turned on from her, and I need some sweet release.

Is there any, like, Crisco or cooking oil here? Just, like, dry handies bum me out.

I propose we treat ourselves to a little heaven. Seven minutes in heaven.

Whatever your plan was, it isn't working.

Would you like to pat the little man in the canoe?

I want to take our relationship to the next level.

I want us to be together, but I want it to mean something.

I love boning girls all over this great land. But really, at the end of the day, I just kind of want to bone one girl. Like, that one special girl.

I just didn't think that girl was you. Because, obviously, there's so much wrong with you.

Will you get back together with me?

I would consider taking you back under one condition.

You have to pinky-pledge that you will be monogamous to me.

You will not have sex with anyone else. Do you understand me?

Dude, she looks like prepackaged meat from the supermarket.

Oh, god, has someone checked on the kids?

Pretty convenient that you're the one who found the body.

You're the darkest bitch of them all.

Those are some serious accusations, and they make no sense.

I would be opening myself up to a lot of trouble if I were to turn you in to the authorities.

It doesn't do any of us any good to start accusing each other with no evidence.

I suggest that we just have someone stand guard and watch me for the rest of the night, or until someone else dies, therefore proving that I am not the killer.

This feels so good.

I tried to scream, but nothing came out!

Interesting. That's all I'm gonna say. Interesting.

There is a trapdoor with, like, a tunnel system.

But wait, there are secret tunnels in this house perfect for a killer to use, and you neglected to tell us?

That's a little suspicious.

We are losing sight of the big picture here.

I'm not going down there. I do not dig on cobwebs, and I'm guessing there are loads of cobwebs down there.

If you get murdered in those tunnels, I promise I will never bang anyone harder than I banged you.

You're so rich and hot.

These are the nicest secret tunnels I've ever seen.

Wow. What amazing legacies they all have. What do you think ours will be?

If we can get through this year without everyone getting killed, I think we'll go down as the greatest of them all.

You came back for me.

Purely selfish.

You are probably the worst cop ever.

Wait, where are we going?

I won't go!

In three seconds, I'm gonna pick you up and carry you out of here.

I just kind of came over here because I farted over there and it smelled bad.

Wait, you're a lesbian?

Basically, I'm in love with love.

The next time I feel love for someone, I'm going to tell them. Right away. Just in case they're murdered before I can.

I just feel like I'm never gonna find a guy who likes me.

I'm a freak.

Nobody actually likes me.

You are totally gonna find another guy.

They're custom-made pink nunchaku.

Thank you for making that announcement that no one cared about.

No slumber party is finished without a kickass dance party.

This is so wonderfully random.

What a great way to pretend all these people we know weren't brutally murdered.

#rp meme #rp memes #rp starters #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #roleplay memes #scream queens

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loveisharderthanitlooks · 3 years

Text

Thoughts on S02E04

Owen was absolutely intolerable this episode. He really does have great hair though.

I love seeing Marjan being a badass on the rink and the four guys there to cheer her on. We don’t usually get to see women in TV dramas play sport and have the men cheer them on. It was cool. And so aggressive.

I think I like the arranged marriage storyline here. I mean, it’s not the best storyline they could have given her. But as Marjan points out, it is a very common practice in a lot of countries and cultures and a show with so much diversity should show diverse cultures. I appreciate that it was shown in a positive light. It’s not something that Marjan resents or feels oppressed by, she defended it because she believes in it and the positive aspects of it were nicely contrasted with the disaster of the wedding they attended.

That wedding scene was actually so gross.

It’s really jarring to see some people at the wedding wearing masks and remembering that the pandemic is happening in this world too. Especially after just seeing everybody at the derby with zero mask wearing or social distancing. Are the 126 anti-maskers?

If they don’t want to depict the pandemic, just pretend it’s over or it never happened. I mean, we’re all pretending that Austin is sitting on top of an active volcano and life is just continuing as normal. We can pretend the pandemic is over too.

Carlos has also followed his father into law enforcement. It’s interesting that both Carlos and TK have followed their father’s career paths. But while TK has followed his father’s path so closely they work in the same firehouse, Carlos has opted for a different branch. There’s a meta post there about TK’s need to be close to his father and Carlos’ need for distance from his.

The timing in this episode bugs me. Carlos and TK are at the farmer’s market in the middle of the day, cut to Marjan and Salim at the restuarant at night, cut back to Carlos and TK getting back from the farmer’s market to have their fight. What were they doing all day? How long does it take to drive home from the farmer’s market?

Carlos being uncomfortable introducing TK to his parents even though he’s out is really sad and I’m annoyed at TK for shouting at him, even though I think his feelings are valid too. It’s a pretty common issue for lots of LGBT+ people that even when they’re out it can be very difficult to be out around family, and as a gay person, it feels like TK should be a little more understanding of somebody being caught by surprise and introducing their partner as a friend.

Just because they’re both gay does not mean that they have had the same experiences growing up. I think TK forgets his privilege - he grew up in Manhattan, with liberal parents, he has always worked with his dad, and the 126 were handpicked by Owen as part of a diversity drive. I’ve no doubt he’s experienced prejudice, but nothing like Carlos would have as a gay Latino in Texas. As with Marjan, there are differences in their cultures and experiences.

Owen and Gwyn absolutely sucked at listening to TK and giving him advice. Thank goodness he’s in therapy and has learned how to communicate his feelings from a professional because his parents suck. It’s actually sad. The relationship between Owen and TK was so lovely in season one, but now Owen is completely focused on Gwen and Gwen might has well be his second wife for all the relationship she has with TK. I mean when she showed up at the station in the middle of their shift, TK was right there and they didn’t even acknowledge each other.

I just really love the relationship between Marjan, Paul and Mateo.

Marjan literally grinding an axe - perfection.

NOTHING phases Grace. Scorpions, guy choking in his dead friend’s ashes, guy in a gun case, Imp - she just rolls with it. The scene with the imp was amazing. I love that the rest of the call center operatives all listened in and then just went back to work. Like yeah, it’s a weird one but we get weird ones all the time here.

YOU LOOK AT BABY CARROTS WITH ENVY!! Nothing can ever top that line.

Thank you, your Grace. That was amazing. I DIDN’T FEEL A THING. Perfection.

Judd is the holder of Owen’s single brain cell.

Carlos and TK have such lovely chemistry. Massive kudos to Rafael and Ronen for how they portray their relationship.

I loved the talk between them. Communication is so sexy.

It’s not like I demand to see them kissing (especially in the midst of a pandemic) but if that had been a straight couple there would have been a kiss. All the straight couples have kissed. We know at least one other Tarlos kiss that was filmed and then cut. There should have been a kiss at that point.

Carlos’s hands are so big. I’ve never noticed that before.

The lyrics of the song when Marjan is walking down the hotel hallway is “for you”. I heard “fuck you” and I had to google it because I thought I was losing my mind.

Where Marjan’s storyline for this episode feels like it has wrapped up and complete, Carlos’s story doesn't and it’s something that will play out in future episodes.

I did not see the pregnancy plot coming. It’s not going to end well, is it? Lisa Edelstein isn’t going to stick around Lone Star forever. At some point she’s going to leave. Worst case scenario she dies and Owen becomes a single father to a baby. (Best case scenario, she returns to New York and Owen goes with her. TK stays with Carlos. Judd takes over as Captain.) Most likely scenario, the baby doesn’t make it. It plays into Owen’s belief that he’s invincible but those around him get hurt.

#911 lone star #s02e04 #my thoughts

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