#half my fucking clothes dont fit me anymore. i know this already

[zer0s-g0re-f1lled-gr4ve]

#OH MY FUCKING GOD #TW ED?? #I HAVENT FUCKING TRACKED CALORIES OR MY WEIGHT FOR ALMOST A YEAR NOW? #JUST GOT WEIGHED AT TGE DOCTORS OFFICE AND NOW IM LABELED AS OVERWEIGHT ACCORDING TO BMI #FIRST FUCKING TIME IN MY LIFE IM SICK TO MY STOMACH #I THOUGHT I WAS A FUCKING PIECE OF SHUT LARD BEFORE #ohh my fucking god im gna puke im so nauseous #i hate fucking being weighed at appointments but its the only time ill allow myself to since im trying not worry #AND YET IM STILL INCREDIBLY CURIOS #BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW IF IVE LOST #BUT THATS NOT BEEN THE CASE FOR A WHILE NOW #ohh my god #ohh my godddd #how do i get motivation to lose weight in a healthy way with all these health problems???? #THATS WHY I FUCKING STARVED IN THE FIRST PLACE #AND NOW I WEIGH MORE THAN I EVER HAVE IN MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE #why am i supposed to do???? #WHY do i have to look the way i do??? #half my fucking clothes dont fit me anymore. i know this already #everything hurts #why cant i just be normal? healthy? please #please #god what is wrong with me

[shiggyscumrag]

How the MHA boys react to their chubby s/o wearing their clothes<3

I also plan on making a demon slayer and haikyuu version so look out for that hoessss

Midoriya Izuku

Dude he would flip, but like in a positive way-

He would get so flustered and immediately start muttering on and on about how pretty you look and try to poorly hide his embarrassment

He would find it really cute, plus he wears slightly bigger sized shirts so it wouldnt fit to tight on you

And even if it did he would find it absolutely adorable

You wearing one of his shirts that literally say "shirt" and a pair of his sweats to go along with it and it would be one of his new favorite things

He would ask if he could take a picture to save as his new homescreen deadass

He just cant get over how adorbale you look so of course hes gonna get all flustered and lovey dovey

10/10 would cuddle you for the rest of the night and not let you leave. Sleepover timeeeee

"What are you wearing?" He said as he stumbled across you in one of his shirts and sweats. You were bored and uncomfy in your jeans and tshirt so you decided it was a good idea to steal some of your boyfriends clothes to get more comfortable. Of course he was a little smaller in size then you but it would still work.

"I got uncomfortable and I thought you wouldn't mind if I borrowed some clothes to change into. I can change if you want-"

"No no no, you're okay! I mean I like you in my clothes, and I'm glad they make you comfortable! I just didnt know what you were doing and I was a little confused at first but you look really cute so I really don't mind at all, I swear! I was just a little startled-" you were interrupted by Izuku's rambling. He always did this when he was nervous. All you could really do is chuckle, and have your cheeks blush slightly at the compliments while getting comfy on his bed.

Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou thought it was a dumb idea at first, like he just didnt get it

Though after your persistent meddling he gave in and gave you one of his shirts

After you put it on and showed him he got all flustered and very horny

He felt weirdly proud about it, it was like a way of marking you as his and he liked that

And omg when you stole and wore a pair of his boxers, he fucking malfunctioned. Heres how the scenario would go in my head-

"Welcome back Katsuki!" You said cheerfully from further inside his dorm.

"Ah, what are you doing here shitty woman! I'm tired and want to go to bed-" he stopped mid sentence when he saw you laying on his bed in his boxers and his classic skull tshirt. He didnt realize how horny he had been but now the bulge in his pants was very prominent and uncomfortably tight.

"See something you like katsu?" You teased. You knew he had been stressed from interning lately and I mean so have you, so why not kill two birds with one stone?

"Hell yeah I do." He said crossing the room fast and finding your lips. A heated makeout session started, you had sat up and placed your hands on his chest starting to undo his tie and unbutton his uniform shirt. He pulled away and smirked grabbing you by the chin making you look at him.

"You're such a naughty girl." He pulled his pants and boxers down in one swift motion, hissing when the cool air hit his cock. "Now get to sucking slut." You smirked and went down to lick his slit, some pre hitting your taste buds making you mewl. You began to bob your head at a steady pace. He groaned as his head fell back, a hand falling behind your head guiding your movements.

"Such a good little slut for me. Got any panties under here?" He said snapping the elastic of his boxers, leaving a delicious sting on your hip. You hummed causing another groan to rip through his throat. He pulled you off his cock with a pop.

"Is that a yes or a no sweet cheeks?" He said dragging his thumb against your drool soaked lips

"No sir, I dont have any panties on." You say, eyes half lidded and full of lust.

"Good answer-" He started as he pinned you down on the bed and left a chaste kiss on your lips. "Cause I was gonna take em' off anyways."

Kirishima Eijiro

When you first ask if you could borrow a shirt and pants to wear to sleep in his dorm he gladly excepted

He found it to be quote on quote "the manliest thing ever"

He would feel bad that his clothes are tight on you so he buys a couple over sized ones and wears them to get them to smell like him and next time you come to trade out hoodies he gives you those in hopes it'll make you feel more comfy

He would def also steal your clothes

He would love to wear your hoodies around the dorm and flex about having them

He loves that you feel comfortable enough to wear his clothes and to also let him wear yours

It's a trust and comfort thing that he finds the most adorbale

It makes him feel so happy, you make him so happy<3

You heard a knock on your door. You got up from your bed and made your way to the door as whoever it was continued to knock. You opened it up to see a red head with sharp teeth grinning widely at you.

"Hey kiri!" You said wrapping your arms around his neck as you leaned forward to place a kiss on his cheek. He wrapped one arm around your waist and chuckled at your kiss.

"I came by to swap hoodies again! Yours stopped smelling like you." He said with a pout on his lips.

"Ah its okay baby, I'll give you another one!" You said with a smile.

Todoroki Shouto

Shouto would be confused on why exactly you would want to wear his clothes when you have your own that are perfectly fine

But he would still find it oddly comforting and very cute

He didn't really know that was a thing that couples do, you know trading clothes

So you would steal his hoodies and you would give him yours to sleep in

Dude he would get so happy

He would put your hoodie on for the first time alone in his dorm after you dropped it off and gave him a kiss goodnight

So he puts it on and just feels so comfy and at home in a sense. He just feels so calm and at peace with the world

Plus when he realizes it smells like you he goes wild

Would sleep in it every night and every morning he would fold it neatly and place it on his pillow so that when he gets home after a long day of class and interning with his dad he can wear it straight out his shower and smell your scent and be able to go to sleep peacefully that night

He can only hope his hoodies make you feel the same way yours do to him

"I can have this?" He says holding out the hoodie of yours you just gave him to be able to wear, a stoic expression still painted on his face.

"Well yeah! I thought since you let me have yours that you could have mine!" You said with a smile. Shoto couldn't help the heat that started to flush his face. He never knew that this is what couples do. He just knew they cuddled, kissed, held hands, and went on dates. He didn't know you could exchange clothing as a form of affection, but when you asked to have one of his hoodies he did love the idea of you wearing them. Shoto liked it even more when he saw you around the dorm in them.

"Thank you y/n. I appreciate it greatly." He spoke.

"Of course roni!" You said leaning in and pecking his lips "Goodnight, sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite!" You said skipping towards the girls dorms.

"Goodnight. Sleep well." He said softly. You smiled and waved goodbye. Once you rounded the corner and he could no longer see you he entered his room now staring at the hoodie once again.

He pushed the hoodie over his head and put his arms through. He adjusted the material until he was comfortable. He looked in the mirror and stated to go red. He was wearing your hoodie. He started to get this euphoric feeling of relief. A sense of home is what he felt while wearing it. He tucked himself into bed and laid his head on his pillow when he got a sudden whiff of your scent. It smelled like you too. He felt even more comfy now. He went to sleep peacefully that night. It felt like he was going to sleep in your arms. It was amazing. He now wears it every night and when it doesnt smell like you anymore he asks for you to wear it to make it smell like you again. You have definitely created a monster-

Mezo Shoji

Shoji is a pretty big fella and because of his quirk his clothes are kinda unique

BUT his pants and boxers are normal and can fit you fairly well

I feel like he would also get over sized clothes to lounge in so he feels less restricted so that's a bonus for you

So now you steal his pants all the time when your too lazy to go to your dorm and change or if you haven't done laundry and your out of comfy clothes

Plus you steal his boxers to basically substitute them as spandex shorts

I feel like he wouldnt know that he would like seeing you in his clothes until he did and he would get really happy.

And he finds it incredibly sexy when you wear his boxers, like damn you finna get WRECK-

You have once again stolen one of Shojis pair of boxers to wear as spandex, cause their just so comfy! Your boyfriend was currently downstairs in the kitchen getting you guys snacks for your movie night in his dorm.

You had gotten one his boxers and hid your panties in your pants and folded them nicely over on the nightstand. He came in with his hands full of popcorn, candy, and drinks. Not the healthiest but for sure yummy!

"Here let me help bubs!" You say getting out from under the blanket and standing to help grab stuff from his hands. He stared down at your lower stomach, hips, and thighs seeing them covered in the print of one his boxers. He was used to you stealing his pants and boxers but their was something different this time. Something in him snapped. "You okay Shoji?" You asked placing your hands on his chest after already setting the drinks and candy down. Popcorn still in one hand he took the other and stroked your cheek.

"I'm okay love. I see you stole my boxers again." One of his arms finding its place to settle on your hip.

"Oh yeah I did. I didn't feel like running back all the way to my dorm just to change." You spoke "Is that okay?" You asked, a silent plead in your eyes for it to be okay with him.

"Yeah it's okay." He said bending down and nuzzling his cheek against yours. You hummed in contentment before speaking.

"I'll get the movie ready!" You said running over to his laptop on his desk across the room. Shoji saw your pants folded neatly on his night stand where he was gonna set the popcorn and drinks so they were easier to reach. He set down the popcorn on the bed and picked up your pants accidentally unfolding them and causing your panties to fall on the floor at his feet. A flush crossed Shojis face, a scorching heat firing through his body. This is the straw that broke the camel's back.

You couldn't figure out what movie you wanted to watch. You just scrolled and scrolled and scrolled through Netflix's recommended page finding absolutely nothing. Next thing you knew you felt Shojis hands wrap around you waist and his face right next to your ear.

"Shoji what are you-"

"No panties huh?" He interrupted.

That's all you needed to hear to know you were gonna have a long night filled with hours of unwatched watched movies and a bunch of screens saying "Are you still watching?"

Hanta Sero

He would praise the ever loving dog snot out of your bro

Dude he would praise you left and right, up and down, side to side which is basically the same thing as left to right but we wont talk about it

He absolutely loves it

He never knew he needed this until now and he is never going back

He loves how you look in his clothes so he would for sure start getting slightly oversized stuff so it will fit you more comfortably so you dont have an excuse not to wear his clothes

Even though he would be perfectly content if you only wore them in his dorm, he just wants you in his clothes now 24/7

He would also steal your clothes<3 and he would always say he likes how they smell like you AHHHHHHH

"Come on, do a little twirl for me!" Sero teased as he spun his finger around in a circle.

"Sero!" You said, you could feel your face growing hotter by the second. He loved when you got all hit and bothered by his praise so he always teases you.

"You just look so damn good~" he said as he snaked his arms around your waist. He leaned in making you eager and lean in as well. Just as your about to kiss he pulls away.

"Sero stop teasing!" You whisper shout, a bit of whine in your voice.

That's when he leaned down fully and gave you a kiss on your lips. You depended the kiss and started a full on make out session. His hands trailed down to your ass grabbing it firmly cause a gasp from you. He took that as a chance to slip his tongue in. After a couple minutes you both pulled away for air, slightly panting and a string of salvia connecting your lips.

"You look really cute in my clothes but I think they'd look cutest on the floor-"

#mha bakugou #bnha bakugou #bnha kirishima #mha kirishima #mha sero #bnha sero #mha shoji #bnha shoji #mha midoriya #bnha midoriya #mha todoroki #bnha todoroki #shoji smut #shoji imagine #shoto todoroki #shoji mezo #midoriya izuku #izuku fluff #izuku imagine #midoriya fluff #sero fluff #sero hanta #sero imagine

[katsukikiss]

JEALOUSY

JEAN x F!READER // COLLEGE AU // MINORS DNI!

WARNINGS: NSFW 18+, cheating(ish?), oral m receiving, soft dom jean, face f*cking, suggestive dancing (w/connie and eren), alcohol use, reader is wayyy too flirty with others lol

Jean is a super kind and forgiving boyfriend, but what happens when you push his limits?

AN: idk wtf this is I just know I love this man and I had to write for him at some point, let me know if I should make a part two 😵‍💫

WC: 2.5k

Masterlist

The air was warm despite the sun being long gone. The summer was nearly over and classes would be starting up again soon. Obviously someone needed to throw one last hurrah before that, and your boyfriend and his friends were going to do just that. Jean was such a kind lover, and was a bit possesive in the beginning but now he was nothing but a sweetheart and kept saying how he couldn’t wait to dance with you later that night. You had known his friends for years, hanging out with them since you guys were freshmen and always staying in their shared house they had together. But their eyes would linger on you for too long, something your and your boyfriend had always noticed, but a sloppy tongue kiss or an ass grab would usually solve the issue. He trusted you, and trusted his friends for the most part…

They placed you in charge of getting drinks for the party since you always complained about the beverages they would offer. You and Sasha went together to buy some beer, seltzer and liquor. It wouldn’t be a party if there wasn’t snacks, or at least that was Sasha’s motto. You drove to one more store to pick up chips and pretzels before bringing your friend home and heading back to your boyfriends place.

You made your way up to Jeans room to finish getting ready. He was busy downstairs fixing up the basement with new LED lights since the old ones short circuited at the last party. You were probably too comfortable in his shared house, most of your clothes were here too. You undressed out of the t-shirt and shorts you were running errands in and sat on a chair in your bra and underwear. Music blasting, half naked, sitting in front of your boyfriends mirror applying makeup, you had no care in the world. You couldn’t hear the belligerent knocking on the door so they entered.

“CONNIE! GET THE FUCK OUT!” you squealed at the man who had just entered, instinctively throwing your arms over your chest, leaving your legs and panties exposed.

“MAYBE TURN YOUR MUSIC DOWN AND I WOULDN’T HAVE BURSTED IN LIKE THIS” he yelled back at you, laughing at your flimsy attempt to cover yourself. You fumbled with the volume buttons on your phone before looking back at him.

“Can I help you?” you questioned, giving him the faintest tint of attitude.

“Nah, Jean asked me to grab some wire for the speakers, but I might stick around a little longer” he said with a sly smirk. Connie was never afraid to openly flirt with you, even in front of Jean, and it didn’t bother the two of you much, you knew it was all in good fun so sometimes you’d tease him back.

“Oh yeah?” you mused, removing your hands from your chest. “I dont think you’d last very long in here” His face turned bright red, as it always did when youd pretend to be interested in him. Before he could even answer Jean was barging into the room and instantly stood in between you two to cover your body from his friend.

“Find the wire?” Jean asked plainly. Connie nodded and swiftly made his way downstairs to finish setting up. Jean pressed a hand onto his door to close it before turning around to face you with a disapproving look.

“You know youre mine right? I dont need Connie doing something dumb later because you were teasing him” he growled at you. You looked up with innocent eyes and rutted your lower lip out. Your pouty face and adorable eyes made it hard for him to seriously be mad at you.

“Im sorry baby you know I was just messing around”

“Yeah yeah I know” he said, placing a soft kiss on your forehead, “hurry up though okay? People are gonna be here soon and I dont need more people seeing you like this”. You gave him a confirming nod and proceeded to finish applying your makeup, this time with the music playing a bit lower than before.

“To senior year!” Eren chanted and everyone repeated back “to senior year!” before you all downed shots of various liquors in the crammed kitchen. Jeans hand rested on your hip in a show of dominance. You were earning looks from his friends as well as some other senior guys you didn’t know. A tiny black dress was fitted to your figure, leaving very little to the imagination with the way it accentuated your curves.

“Y/N! Come dance with MEE” Sasha called out to you. You looked up at your boyfriend who nodded with a smile. He removed his hands from your body and watched you skip away to follow your friend down into the basement. He watched as a few others proceeded to make their way downstairs as well, as if they were following you.

The temperature of the basement was at least 5x hotter than the rest of the house because of all the bodies crammed into it. You were pretty drunk already, which is why the heat didn’t bother you or anyone else that much. Sasha pulled you through a sea of people to the back wall of the basement. The led lights outlined the ceiling with a purple glow that made it hard to see. You leaned onto the concrete for support because your head was spinning a bit after being bumped and pushed around while music was blaring. Your eyes attempted to refocus as you looked around for your friend.

“Stay here!!!! I will be right BACK okay?” she slurred. You lazily nodded as you watched the girl who brought you to this cave of a basement leave you alone. You scanned the dimly lit room for someone you knew, stumbling through the hoard. Two hands snaked their way onto your hips without you even noticing until your ass was aggressively pulled up against someones crotch. They forcibly swayed your hips in line with their own to the rhythm of the music. Your body stopped resisting and started to move on its own, the strangers hands no longer guiding you but rather holding on for the ride.

“Your ass feels so fuckin nice y/n” a familiar voice gruffed in your ear. You recognized it as Eren; Your body halted for a moment as you thought of your boyfriend, but he wouldn’t be mad at you right? It was all harmless fun, he was the only one that got to really have you at the end of the day. The alcohol in your system drowned out those thoughts as you bent over and shook your ass against him, his hips rutting forward to feel every little movement you were making while his hands dug into you. You heard him whisper ‘fuck’ a few times when you would throw your ass back into his groin.

When you snapped back up you felt a new pair of hands on you. The man behind you now had more rhythm in his actions, grinding his hips against you to the beat of the pop song that you could barely hear anymore. You turned your head slightly to see Connie, his eyes fixated on your gyrating curves while the rest of the men were watching. You laughed internally, faintly recalling what happened between you two earlier.

“I was waiting for my turn sexy” he whispered in your ear, his hot drunk breath making your neck feel sticky. You wrapped your arm back and hooked it around his neck while slithering up and down his body. Your vision was blurry and your head was all over the place. You could feel his bulge growing with every twist and turn you made. His hands made their way up your sides to the front of your body and onto your breasts, squeezing entirely too hard. You pulled yourself off of him instantly upon feeling his intrusive hands on your chest, it was as if the feeling snapped you out of the drunken haze you were in. You turned around to scowl at him, backing up a foot or two before you bumped into someones chest. Connies eyes left yours and looked up to the person behind you with a shred of fear. Turning to look up, you found relief in knowing it was your boyfriend. Your arms wrapped around Jean and pulled him in tightly. One hand of his rested on the top of your head but he never stopped looking at his group of friends.

“Had fun?” he growled at them. Eren walked away, annoyed that their fun was ruined. Connie hesitantly backed up before attempting to apologize over the noise. He left and made his way upstairs, fearing that if he stayed any longer Jean would really hurt him.

“What was that about?” he snapped at you. While he didn’t care if they tried to flirt with you, actually putting their hands on you was too far for him. You backed off of his chest before speaking.

“I didn’t think you’d be mad baby I’m sorryyyy, but don’t you wanna dance with mee?” you slurred. He didn’t have his usual soft expression this time and your adorable looks didn’t have any effect on him anymore.

“Not anymore, you’re coming with me” he demanded. His low tone made you weak, you knew what was coming next when he spoke to you like that. He latched onto your wrist and pulled you up the stairs, through the kitchen, pass Eren who gave you a wicked smile and wink, as if knowing exactly what was about to happen. You made your way up to his room, he scooped you up into his arms and threw you onto the bed and stood at the foot.

“I said I was sorry” you pleaded, desperation in your voice and eyes. He liked when you would beg for mercy like this, you wanted what was coming next but pretending like you didn’t was so much more fun.

“Oh I know baby, but sorry isn’t gonna cut it tonight” he hummed. He pulled his t-shirt over his head and began crawling on top of you like a lion about to devour its prey. You felt so small underneath him and his presence. You could feel the heat from his breath on your neck as he leaned closer, and he could feel the heat between your legs as you pushed your hips forward. You were waiting to feel his mouth on your neck but he pulled away and got up from the bed, your face was visibly upset.

“You know I like to make you feel good sweetheart, but I don’t think you deserve that tonight, not after what you’ve done” he said, unbuckling the belt encasing his hips. He slipped it off and let his pants fall to the floor and signaled with a finger for you to come closer. You crawled across the bed and tugged at his boxers he still had on. He lowered them a bit and allowed his long thick cock to spring out onto your lips.

You gathered saliva and spit onto him, massaging it around with your hands. You kissed the tip a few times, giving it sweet little licks before wrapping your lips around and taking him in, your behind in the air while you descended onto his cock. His hands massaged at your legs as your head bobbed in an attempt to please your man and receive his forgiveness. He pulled you off his cock by your hair and flipped you over so your back was against the bed and your head was hanging off the side. He bent down to your ear and spoke.

“I think I deserve to fuck this pretty mouth of yours, especially since you were being such a slut tonight” he whispered. You nodded, a mix of concern and kexcitement on your face; he NEVER called you names like that before, but something about it was making you feel hot; you didn’t want it to end. He stood back up, your mouth hanging open waiting for him to use. Slowly, he pushed himself in, watching you struggle and gag from the sheer depths he was reaching in that position. He wrapped two hands around your neck and began to thrust ferociously, causing several tears to fall down your cheeks. His cock was pounding into your throat that could barely accommodate.

“Your my fuckin slut, you got that?” he growled at you, his voice shaky. You tried to reply but only gurgles came out. You loved this new side of Jean you were seeing, and wondered what else you could do to get him to treat you like this again. He could feel himself in that little throat of yours against his hands, and with every thrust he could see the bulge he was creating and it drove him wild. A sweet mixture of your gagging and his mumbles and groans filled the small room. His resolve was gone as his cock began to twitch, spewing his warm white seed down your throat. He had never came in your mouth before so you were surprised when he did, you felt so full with his cock and stuffed down your throat. He dragged himself out, a string of your saliva and his seed connecting you two to eachother before snapping apart.

“Open up sweetheart, I wanna see it” he said, looking at you upside down. You opened and allowed your tongue to hang out, exposing all of the sticky white fluid coating your mouth. He admired it all for a minute before he teasingly squeezed your cheeks together and stood up.

“You can swallow now” You gulped it down and coughed a bit, your throat sore from the abuse it just endured. Jean walked over to the bathroom and filled a glass with water and grabbed you a t-shirt. He sat down on the bed beside you, you stripped yourself of the little black dress you had on and slipped into the t-shirt.

“C’mere” he pulled you by the waist into his lap, “you know I love you right? I’m sorry if I was too rough” You nodded no, and nuzzled your face into his chest, his fingers drawing little circles on your back.

“I love you too Jean” you cooed. He was always so forgiving with you, never staying mad for too long, never going too far.

“How about we make a little more noise hm? Let my boys know who you really belong to” he suggested, a primal look in his eyes. Your legs quivered at the thought of Jean making you scream, and all of his friends getting hard just listening.

“Do it, make me scream” you whispered. In one swift motion he flipped you over onto your back and grabbed your face by the jaw, towering over you again like his prey.

“Im gonna make you regret that”

#jean kirschstein #jean x reader #attack on titan #aot fanfiction #aot x reader #aot smut #eren jaeger #armin aot #aot fluff

[lightsinthedistancee]

Congratulations on 100 followers babe! That is a huge accomplishment! I would love to request a little one shot from you, you have a true talent for writing!

Could you do #21 with Oberyn Martell please? Thank you so much <3

Thank you, @fearisametaphor! This is my first time writing for Oberyn, so I really hope this is good!

“I can’t hide the way I feel about you anymore.” - Oberyn Martell x Reader

..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::..

Blood Orange

Words: 1.1k

Excerpt: “‘I’d be careful with what you say to your prince. That tongue of yours…’”

“‘And what are going to do about it?’”

You shiver as he rests a hand on your waist, trailing it across the bare expanse of your skin, your chest. “‘Many, many things, my love….’”

..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::..

“And there…my father used to tell me that that is where Nymeria entered Dorne seven hundred years ago….”

It feels as if you’re surrounded by blue as the voice of a certain prince washes over you, his finger hovering between a distant pass. The sea glitters a dark navy, the sky a rich azure underneath the brilliant moonlight.

“Really? That exact spot?” His other hand is in yours, your fingers tracing over the lines worn into the back of his hand by the sun. “How would he know?”

“Oh, he was certainly making that up,” Oberyn answers, shaking his head, an expression of content reminiscence on his features.

You laugh softly, head resting back into the sand, not a care in the world to the annoying grains you’ll have to brush out later.

“I quite admired Nymeria when I was a child,” the prince continues thoughtfully. He chuckles. “All the Westerosi lords from up north chided me when they talked to me of great battles, and I mentioned my admiration of her—a woman.”

You hum in thought. “And what did the little Red Viper of Dorne do?”

“Nothing. I was a child.”

You roll over, eyes narrowing, the smallest smile on your face. “You liar.”

He raises an eyebrow, waiting for you to go on, silence in the air aside from the waves crashing mere strides away. You only stare back. “Elia and I found some harmless snakes and put one in each of their rooms,” he finally admits.

You laugh brightly, shaking your head. His face is graced with a smile, a rare occurrence when talking of Elia.

He’s wearing blue this night, a unique choice for anyone in Dorne. The kingdom is a place where everything is bathed in warmth—the buildings, the clothes, the terrain itself, perhaps a fitting representation of the passion that constantly graces the place.

The sensation is what wars are waged with, what children are born by, what the people first and foremost devote their lives to.

But the feeling you feel as you rest in the sands, as you listen to the waves and timbre of his voice overlap and intertwine, as you feel a peace that seems to only exist by the water, it’s not a familiar passion you feel—it’s something much more foreign.

..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::..

A sweetness penetrates your palette as you slide a slice of blood orange between your lips.

It’s morning.

The room you’re in is elaborate, the bed soft and silken, quite literally made for royalty. The prince it belongs to stands at the window, overlooking the expanse of ocean beyond his kingdom. You’re nearly naked as the day you were born, only a single silk blanket resting haphazardly along your hips.

“They were always foolish,” he remarks, referring to the love stories his mother had always told him of, a subject that had arisen several minutes prior. “Always stupid love.”

You snort out a laugh, popping another slice of orange into your mouth before washing it down with a pleasant Dornish red. “And what do you know of love, my Prince of Dorne?”

You’d taken to calling him that long ago, always said with an exaggerated reverence. It was funny in your mind, the irony of it, for he always acted as the furthest thing from a prince.

He spins, raising an eyebrow. The light of the sun bathes half his face, and it suddenly occurs to you that he looks as if he were born to be seen like this. “Are you saying your Prince of Dorne does not love?”

“I’m saying the only things the Prince of Dorne does is fuck and drone on and on about passion.” You catch your bottom lip between your teeth, failing to restrain your smile.

He cocks his head, hands clasped behind his back as he slowly, deliberately walks towards the bed. There’s still a perpetual softness and kindness that graces his features. As you go for yet another slice of orange, he plucks it from your fingers, eating it himself. “I’d be careful with what you say to your Prince. That tongue of yours…”

You hum in thought, reclining back onto your elbows, teasingly eyeing him. “And what are going to do about it?”

Another thoughtful look.

You shiver as he rests a hand on your waist, trailing it across the bare expanse of your skin, your chest. “Many, many things, my love….” Even with the number of times he’d touched you, it’s still an invigorating sensation, spiking anticipation across your body.

You wait for him to go on, yet the atmosphere only shifts.

“I do love,” he simply states, voice back to a simple muse. “I love my daughters. I loved my sister. I love Ellaria.”

There’s a second of silence after, a spot you wait to be filled. It’s a devastating expectation, one you don’t expect him to meet, but perhaps there’s that plea, the one that begs for him to utter your name.

But it never comes. His gaze only lingers, perhaps goading you into protesting due to your previous teasing.

Perhaps doing nothing at all, for he’s truly done with his list.

And that makes something inside you silently, invisibly crack.

“Where is Ellaria anyway?” you ask all of a sudden, changing the subject and putting the whole incident behind you.

Oberyn merely shrugs.

“Perhaps finding something better to fuck than you,” you tease, absentmindedly reaching out for a another slice of orange colored the hue of blood.

He shakes his head in exasperation, resting a hand on the side of your face. “You…my darling…are a menace.”

You giggle, the sound abruptly stopping when he takes the piece of fruit from you. “Stop it!”

He raises an eyebrow, the fruit just past his lips, not chewed yet. He speaks, the words said the best he can with the food in his mouth. “Then come get it.”

..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::..

You’re only a bit of fun.

That seems to be a recurring thought in your mind as you lay back on the beach, the only constant in your interactions with Oberyn.

It’s not devotion. It’s fun.

That’d been common knowledge for months, and it was knowledge you’d always been satisfied with till recently.

“Oberyn?” you ask quietly, timidly. An usual for you.

His arm around you squeezes gently, an unsaid invitation to go on.

“What you said last morning…about those you love….”

You turn to look him in the eye, and it’s already there—that hint of a smile, that sign that he knows every word, every idea, every question about to leave your mouth.

“I can’t hide the way I feel about you anymore,” you murmur, cupping his face between your palms.

His stubble is rough beneath your touch, a grounding sensation as he presses a single kiss to your lips, a whisper taking over the air around you. “Then don’t.”

..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::..

A/N: dont even ask about the title i didnt know what to call it and wanted to get this out today

Taglist (for everything): @dark-academics-and-florals @theultimateslashgirl @princessxkenobi @djjarins @jitterbugs927

Taglist (for Oberyn): @whovianayesha

100 Follower Celebration Masterlist

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Thanks for reading!

#oberyn martell #oberyn martell x reader #oberyn martell x you #game of thrones #game of thrones fanfiction #oberyn martell fanfiction #pedro pascal #lightsinthedistancee’s 100 follow celebration #ima’s 100 follower celebration

[shesawriter39049]

|FEVER| M|

Pairing: Namjoon X Reader

About- Namjoon just has a kink for letting you do whatever the hell you want with him...Whether that be putting him in a hot pink suit shirtless! Or, telling him he’s a good boy as he fucks you into oblivion!

OR- Namjoon and yourself hooked up 5 months ago when the boys were in London on Tour, and you were the creative director for there British GQ & Harper’s Bazzar Cover! Now, months later he’s prepping to release his second mixtape “RM vs Rap Monster”. Opting to go a complete 360 from his first release Mono in all realms. So, with that being said BigHit thinks he needs someone with a little more... “umph” Take a wild guess as to who they call...

WC:1.2k (Sneak peek)

WARNINGS: Switch OC (Top & Bottom...but there's no real dom/sub tones here) Service top/power bottom Namjoon, praise kink, Fingering, Unprotected sex(Back shot), come play, dirty talk, light choking, light overstimulation, (This is lowkey a little softer than it sounds) The OC kinda leads this, but Joon isin’t the cliché “sub” he just likes letting her take control.

NOTE- Just my take on the OG cliché Artist X Stylist AU (Though she’s more of a full package, Art Director/Stylist/Photographer ETC) I have tried to add some minor elements to make it a little more realistic. I will say I typically stray from “Idol-verse” just because if we’re being real, the cultural difference alone sometimes stunts my creativity...BUT I just had a little fun with this one...so I hope you all enjoy it. Also, I don’t go into much physical details but in my mind regardless of race, aesthetic wise the OC is a huge contrast to what he’s use to which is part of her appeal. I picture a tatted Barbie of some sorts...

SIDE NOTE: No shade, but shade, I was lowkey inspired to write this bc I have very strong opinions about the creative team at BH....

*** Let me know if you guys want the full thing or not...I kidna flaked on posting because it is such a cliché lol

SONG- FEVER DUA LIPA  FT ANGELE

~~~~~~~

“Well, it’s a yes for me” Eyeing him in this Hot pink-fitted Burliti suit, which you paired with a very sheer black Arnar Mar turtle neck. The minute you saw the piece on the runway you’d been dying to get it on someone with melanated skin, and it just so happens, the boys are fresh off the US leg of their stadium tour! So, lucky for you, baby boy’s been in the sun a lot, and Namjoon’s currently a sinful shade of brown and you're totally here for it…

Then to top it off, the mesh material of the turtle neck creates the perfect silhouette around his offensively toned chest, outlining the muscles sinfully. Eternally snorting at the way the fans are gonna thank and curse you out all at the same damn time once they see the looks you’ve pulled for this man!

And yes, you had your crew bring extended shades of foundation and concealer, because his face and neck will match if your name is going to be attached to these damn photos! 

Head tilted to the side as you silently observe the way he rakes over his reflection in the mirror, it’s a sixth sense you’ve acquired as a stylist at this point. Half of your job is essentially being a hype man/self love coach, real shit, a lot of these artist aren't always as...confident as one may think!

And just like clockwork Namjoon runs his palm down his thighs, smoothing out nonexistent wrinkles on his pants for the umpteenth time in the span of oh I don’t know 30 seconds? Which in turn prompts you to say….

“You look good Joonie...” Musing over your second glass of Don, the compliment was genuine, tone warm, soothing even, not a hint flirtation insight because that wasn’t your motive. You weren’t trying to get him flustered you’re just trying to gas him up a little, you wanted to see Namjoon get alittle cocky and feel himself!

Ears perking up like an overgrown puppy, head whipping in your direction “Yeah?” The way this man’s eyes just lit up like the soul skyline. I just-goddamn, an almost bashful smile toys on those plush lips of his, and you can’t help the way your chest flutters with nothing but fondness.

“So fuckin cute” Flutters off your lips, as you hide a smile of your own behind a half empty whine glass. The delivery was so faint it almost go lost in the background music floating through the air. However the slight flush hitting his cheeks let you know Namjoon heard you whether he wanted to admit it or not!

”Mmmhmm, the color looks fuckin insane against your skin, not to mention, the way everything's going to pop once we tone your hair a little! “ Eyes drinking him in from head to toe, though there was nothing suggestive playing within your iris. Very much aware of time and place and right now your genuinely looking respectfully! Seeing if any alterations are needed, making sure you like where everything sits along his frame. Making notes in your phone of places you want to pin and adjust later...snapping a couple shots here and there. 

Licking his lips anxiously as he plays with the lapels on the blazer “But like-I mean-I- dont’-It doesn’t look like I’m... trying too hard or anything?” Brows furrowed in the center of his face, jaw tight, wincing slightly at his own words, almost as if he was afraid of your response. The vulnerability within his delivery was more than evident, and no matter how common this is with artist, it’s still just as devastating! Regardless of how much he tried to play it off as if he was just making casual conversation, you can see how blatantly uncomfortable he is . Gazing back at you wide eyed, and uncannily exposed, pointing at the outfit in question. Licking his lips anxiously as he plays with the the blazer, switching posses subtlety trying to get a better feel for the suit.  

You stayed silent for a minute, taking the time to actually process before speaking which is rare, not gonna lie. Gaze piercing as you hop off the bed, wine, and accessories in hand, swaying closer. “It’s fashion”. The baited pause almost implied that’s all you had to say, as if one-word was self-sufficient, and in your mind it was...but you knew better than to just leave it at that.

“Art at its finest Mr. Kim” You smile something a little devious, and he flushes even deeper as you slowly start to invade his space eyes locked with him meaningfully. You can physically see the shift, the closer you get, Namjoon starts fidgeting slightly under your gaze but he doesn't back down.

“It gives you room to play, create...it’s something that let’s us connect to people without saying a damn thing.” Suddenly the hand that wasn’t holding your alcohol has become a prop, flailing around haphazardly as you spoke, pointing at the various pieces hanging on clothes racks in your suite! The penthouse has essentially been transformed into your own personal walk in closet for the next 5 or so days! “It’s a statement. A opportunity to tap into a side of yourself that maybe you can’t always verbally articulate to the world around you! More importantly, it’s supposed to be fun, it’s literally something that can be removed within seconds! I mean we all have to wear clothes so why not just enjoy it?”  Head cocked to the side as you appraise him, brow quirked, eyes warm, yet there's a clear challenge playing within your gaze.

Namjoon’s watching you intently, almost as if he’s taking mental notes as you speak...the heaviness within those dangerously honed eyes of his could almost be unsettling to some, but you quite like it. Made you feel as though he actually gives a flying fuck about what you’re saying.

“In my opinion the only time it looks like someone’s “Trying too hard” Making little air bunnies with your spare hand “Is if they look uncomfortable in what they’re wearing, confidence is key, and I know you know that better than anyone RM!” You muse batting your lashes in Namjoon’s direction, and he dimples back at you, eyes sinking into tiny crescents, face rivaling the color of his suit, trying to hide said smile behind his own glass of champagne.  

“I could put you in a damn clown suit...” Words trailing off your tongue lackadaisically as you grow distracted searching the bar for a specific chain from John Hardy. “Which” Focus snapping back in his direction making the later splutter a little “Would be fire as fuck if I did by the way, but-”  Namjoon ended up cackling midsentence, almost choking on his drink in the process, fist pounding against his sternum.

Yeah..killing the leader of Bangtan wasn’t really high on your list tonight....

“Ayee, none of that shit...” Smacking him in the back a little more so just to be an ass because he wasn’t even choking anymore “Don’t die on me until we at least get this damn photoshoot done, I had to cancel my trip to Jamaica for this shit!”

Now he’s damn near choking and his laugh was contagious, it’s just.. loud, carefree so yes, your cackling, and there's nothing cute about it. But you honestly don’t care, you let yourself get lost in it! Finally able to feel the atmosphere in the room start to shift to something a little less scripted and a little more organic...

Throwing his hands in the air as If he’s waving a nonexistent white flag “I’m sorry, noona” There’s a pout playing in his lips, not exactly aegyo per say, but it’s fuckin adorable “Blame PD-nim, it’s his fault we had to do this so last minute” Wheezes from his throat, in the form of a slight whine, almost rivaling Jimin if I’m honest.

You already know he was laughing more so due to your delivery, specifically, your casual use of profanity over anything else. This is actually something you use to be self-conscious about, especially at your first shoot with the boys, at the shoot for GQ . Well aware it wasn’t as common in Asia for people especially women to use “fuck” like a comma. So you were hoping they wouldn’t be offended, or uncomfortable by your dialect, and, thankfully they didn’t seem to mind. Much like Joonie over here, they found it entertaining over anything.

“Yeah, a huh, sureee...” Eyes rolling to the back of your head playfully as you start lightly altering the suit in question with clips and pens. “Stay still babe” The pet name slipped off your tongue effortlessly, honestly, that's what you call most people in your life. However you were far too focused to notice how wide eyed and flustered the man before you became upon hearing it directed at him so casually.

A faint little “Sorry” muses off his lips as he gnaws on his inner cheek, trying to stay still as you ghetto-rig hems into place until you can get this under your sewing needle.

“ No, but real shit…” You sigh, taking on a slightly more serious tone “If you step in front of that camera like you own the bitch, regardless of what your wearing..., then they can’t tell you shit! If your comfortable there’s no such thing as trying too hard” You shrug nonchalantly like that was the simplest concept known to man, downing the rest of your drink “Alright, that’s all, thanks for coming to my Ted talk” Waving him off as if you’re about to leave the room and he pouted playfully, jokingly begging you not to leave him yet...it felt good to be able to banter like this. The shift continuous shift within the atmosphere was more than welcomed…

Hesitantly you watch his eyes find their way back to the full length mirror, which promptly smacks you back to reality!

Unfortunately you didn't fly all the way to Seoul just to drink,  and shoot shit with Namjoon for hours on end,  your actually here to work…

Sooo...

“Alright” Placing your arms on his shoulders, giving him a reassuring squeeze as you peer over his shoulder. Meeting his gaze through the glass, chin resting gently against the blade. “Back to the reason you came Mr. “I’m sooo anxiously” Shooting him a teasing little smirk in the process “The suit, yay or nay”

So, here’s the thing technically the official fitting is tomorrow, and as far as his team knows he’s in the studio with Yoongi and Hoseok finishing up a song!

Which of course raises the question as to why he’s here..alone..mind you..no staff or security in site.

Just Kim Namjoon and yourself.....

~~~~

Heyyyy, Lemme know if you guys want this or not, it will leave kinda open ended because it was supposed to kinda be a 3 part mini series initially. Part 1 ends the morning of the shoot, the full thing is set to be around 6/7k! Spoiler, the company is going to want to keep her around for more than just Namjoon’s solo project....

Also, YES...I did see that they actually put Tae in that Burliti suit (I wrote this long before that shoot was released)...I actually hated the way it was styled it though...I never thought I’d say this but MGK’s team did a better job than BH....

#Namjoon x reader #namjoon smut #namjoon x you #kim namjoon #kim namjoon x reader #kim namjoon smut #bts #bts smut #bts au #kpop #kpop smut #kim namjoon x you

[shotarofalls]

Just Joking

Pairing: I.M/Changkyun (Monsta X) x Joheon (Monsta X)

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 3,437 

Summary: I.M says something Jooheon doesnt like while they were drunk, jooheon makes sure to prove him wrong.

Warnings: Anal sex, degrading, cursing, anal fingering, Dick jerking, slight spit, non con

Changkyun's whole body freezes upon hearing Jooheon’s offer, waiting for the demons down below to drag him down to hell because fuck, his offer is hell itself.

"so?" Jooheon sets down the cold water on the coffee table, changkyun swallowing the lump on his throat, trying to grasp the situation on why the fuck was Jooheon breath fanning his neck along with his cold hand finding their way onto his damp ones, slowly intertwining them, when all he remembers is that of Jooheon offering him a ride because his drunk hyungs wont let him go around the harsh midnight streets alone changkyun paid no attention nor remark because he knows no one can win an argument with them when they're drunk since he's the only one who's only on his right mind besides changkyun that night.

"so what?" changkyun finally replies, pulling his hand back from Jooheon's hold, taking three steps backward "aren't you going home?" Jooheon scoffed at changkyuns question and draped a hand over his shoulder

"not after you insulted me, no." changkyun frowns and looks at Jooheon whos again only centimeters away from his face with confusion, hoping he'll explain further

"you're cute when you're clueless" he pinches his cheek catching changkyun off guard at the sudden half-compliment "but you're not clueless, stop pretending you don't know"

still, changkyun didn't drop his perplexed expression, irritation bubbling up inside him which made him raise an eyebrow, resulting for Jooheon to let out a long sigh "it starts with me being an inexperienced partner."

changkyun's face darkens upon the recollection of him teasing and joking about how Jooheon probably wont last through the night without his partner leaving him because he's still a whiny virgin who pretends to know what he's doing. the only reason why he got to say that was because he thought Jooheon was drunk as well, but fuck was he wrong.

he right away got on his knees "p-please" he started but Jooheon chuckles, grabbed his chin roughly and made changkyun look at him "I don't need that late apology." he glares and leans down, actions and aura screaming with dominance

"the next time you'll be kneeling down in front of me and begging will be when you're face to face with my dick. so answer my question changkyun, want me to prove you that I'm not those stuff you assumed?" Jooheon grabbed changkyun by his shoulders and made him sit on the couch while he hovers him, both hands beside changkyun, caging him in.

"n-no" changkyun stutters, almost whispering, unable to breathe due to how close they were making him feel suffocated "I swear, you'll be begging for more afterwards" changkyun's breath hitches at how Jooheon’s voice got deeper and fuck, it turned him on.

"no" now with a more firmer voice, changkyun tried to push Jooheon away but Jooheon was quicker. he got ahold of changkyun's wrist and pushed him to the side so that he was on top of him with changkyun's head on the hand rest.

Jooheon looks at him with hooded eyes, imagining all of the sinful things he could do to him, destroying his sanity and fucking him till he cant think straight anymore, not because he wants to prove him that whatever changkyun said was wrong but because he have been waiting for this time for a long time—to finally have changkyun under his touch, feeling him writhe from the pleasure he gives.

both of them stops breathing for a while, silence engulfing them before changkyun tries to get away, a signal for Jooheon to lean forward and pepper the back of changkyun's ear with soft kisses, hoping it'd calm him down

"let's see if what you said was true eh? a whiny virgin you say? weren't you describing yourself, Babyboy?" Jooheon whispers the pet name seductively before nipping the tip of changkyun's ear making him shiver at the sudden contact of teeth on his ear

"c-c'mon you know I was joking right?" changkyun whispered, focusing on Jooheon's teeth that was raking his neck, waiting for that bite and the pretty marks it'll leave that he'll probably throw a fit about but Jooheon leans back, dissatisfaction ran through his veins.

Jooheon brushes his thumb over changkyun's lower lip and chuckled "tell the truth changkyun, between us two, you're the virgin here" he palms changkyun's dick through his clothes harshly, the fabric creating enough friction for him to buck his hips for more while Jooheon leans forward, ravishing his lips right away.

panic rushed through changkyun resulting for him to push Jooheon away making the older snarl and gets back to his previous position to grab changkyun by the back of his neck and continue the deep heated kiss they were exchanging a while ago

"you're getting pretty hard down there" Jooheon smirks, tracing the outline of his hard cock on his pants before making him sit up "be a good boy for me okay?" changkyun felt powerless as he nodded, trying to calm his pounding heart and heat "go to your room" he nudged him to snap him out of his trance.

with no energy and resistance left in changkyun's system, he led Jooheon to his bedroom "this is where the real fun starts" Jooheon mumbles, closing the door and opening the lights "let's stop here" changkyun speaks up and looked at him as Jooheon approaches him, realizing that his height is starting to intimidate the younger—it made him powerless, weak, small.

Jooheon grabs him by his chin, obviously dodging changkyun's request and looks him in the eye "undress" he tugs on the younger boy's tee then bites his lower lip to contain his excitement at the flow of events

changkyun started to remove his tee with shaky hands and made sure to make it agonizingly slow, but Jooheon didn't have time to be patient that night so he grabbed the hem of his shirt and removed it himself, throwing the article of clothing somewhere on the floor.

changkyun winces when Jooheon’s cold hand came in contact with his warm torso, nipples getting hard. Jooheon smirks at this and started to pay more attention to his nipple making him clench his fist and bite his bottom lip to refrain from moaning.

Jooheon pulls back making changkyun finally breathe a sigh of relief, but no, it doesn't end there of course especially when Jooheon looked at him like his main course, a small harmless prey to his eyes. Jooheon removes his shirt and pants altogether, getting ahead "remove this" he inserts his finger on the belt hoop of his pants and tugs on it

changkyun meekly obliged and removed his pants, leaving him with his hard on visible on his fit boxers "now, we both know you're a virgin—"

"I'm not!" changkyun cuts him off with a glare "yes you are, now be a good boy and shut up already" Jooheon slaps his lips slightly and returned the glare "i'm doing you a favor here"

"you fucking ruined his mood, good job changkyun" changkyun mumbles to himself now scared more than ever when he saw the crease between Jooheon’s eyebrows because an angry Jooheon is the scariest.

but the thought of Jooheon fucking him till he cant feel his lower half anymore, pleasing him with anger, and roughness, turned changkyun on, heck, the sight of Jooheon’s neck, fingers, legs—everything turns him on now.

changkyun isn't the submissive type, but for Jooheon he will. he has to admit, from the moment Jooheon offered to drive him home, his heart did backflips and his stomach suddenly had hundreds of hurricanes inside at the happiness of spending time with Jooheon alone.

long explanation short, he's fucking head over heels with Jooheon, and oh god he never knew a day would come in where his fantasies would come true, but of course, he wouldn't risk to tell Jooheon that.

"come here" he pulls changkyun and made him sit on the floor, Jooheon following behind, legs on both sides of changkyun so that his length touched his ass

instinctively changkyun grind his ass on Jooheon’s, clearly losing his mind, feeling needy more than ever, making Jooheon moan and hold changkyun's hips down so that he would stop.

"why is this still on?" he pulls on the band of his boxers and made it slap on his skin making changkyun jump from the sudden contact "we really dont need to do this—" Jooheon, once again, ignored him and removed the boxers himself.

changkyun shivers at the loss of warmth from his boxers, goosebumps started to form on his skin "look at that" Jooheon says, fanning changkyuns nape and touches the head of his dick. but before continuing, Jooheon stands up making changkyun whine softly at the sudden loss of contact.

hyungwon stands in front of him, hand grasping on the cloth that covered his body-length mirror "what are you doing?" changkyun asks him, unsure of what he was about to do

"what do you think?" Jooheon smirks "you're a narcissist. that's what I think" changkyun started to put on his boxers again, he shouldn't show how much he wants to submit to him now. Jooheon clicked his tongue "this mirror is not for me but for you" he removes the cloth, and there changkyun saw how sweaty he is and how red his whole face were.

Jooheon got back to their previous position and tugged on his boxers "who said you can bring these up?" he asked with pure authority in his voice making changkyun shiver from fear and removed them again, not looking straight. Jooheon sees this then cups changkyun's chin so that he would be looking at the mirror "look forward" changkyun shook his head no and closed his eyes as a reply "do it"

changkyun slowly pried open his eyes then felt embarrassment upon seeing both their reflection—the position they were in and how his dick became impatient, wanting to be touched. he watched Jooheon’s mouth and how it turned to a smirk, a snicker coming out afterwards.

"you don't have to do anything, I don't want our little Maknae to get tired" Jooheon whispered, lightly tracing his length with his forefinger "but you must look there and nowhere else" he points at the mirror making changkyun swallow the lump on his throat, heart pounding fast.

Jooheon  traced the veins of his dick "look at how pretty it is" changkyun, with hooded eyes, looked at how Jooheons fingers traced and teased his dick "stay still" he whispers before wrapping his hand around it and started to pump slowly making changkyun moan softly.

just when Jooheon was starting pick up his pace and changkyun becomes a panting mess, he removes his hand on his cock making changkyun mourn at the loss "spit" Jooheon says, holding his hand below his chin

"what—" Jooheon cuts him off by biting down on changkyun's neck "just fucking do it" changkyun whimpers and does what he's told "see, that was easy right?" the older chuckles and returned his hand on the younger's dick, starting at a slow and agonizing pace, taking his time to tease and play with him

once changkyun starts to move on his own, Jooheon holds him down and picks up the pace, making changkyun moan louder than before "J-Jooheon" he whines, writhing under Jooheon’s touch, trying to move backward to escape the hand that was pumping his cock but sadly, he has nowhere to go.

Jooheon brought his free hand to changkyun's nipple and flicked it once making him jolt out of sensitivity "yes changkyun?" he flicks his nipple again, and when not given a reply, he started to pinch and toy with it making changkyun's toes curl "s-stop" changkyun throws his head back, hitting Jooheon’s shoulder

changkyun's precum and saliva helped Jooheon do his job of pleasing him easier "J-Jooheon" changkyun pants, eyes on Jooheon’s hand and his own cock "i'm close" he announces, bucking his hips forward to get him off

Jooheon stared at changkyun's reflection, listening to his sinful and pleading moans "moan for me louder" his gaze then fixed to his own, face clearly showing signs of pleasure "but don't cum yet" he says as he removes his hand on changkyun's dick.

wanting to take this further for his own pleasure, he lifted two fingers "now, suck—" before even finishing talking, changkyun removes himself from Jooheon’s chest and grabs his hand so that he could suck on hyungwon's fingers hungrily.

changkyun's actions made Jooheon moan "you slut" he snarls then there it was, something snapped inside of him making him slap changkyun's inner thigh and fixed his position so that changkyun could see his own needy hole

without warning, he inserts a finger on his hole, letting changkyun melt under his touch and lose his mind "fuck" changkyun moans when Jooheon gradually inserts the second finger, now letting him ride his hand "so needy" he inserts another finger and lets changkyun fuck himself with the fingers inside him by riding and grinding on it.

changkyun's face twisted with pleasure, mewls coming out of his mouth, saliva started to drool down his chin and beads of sweat trickled his forehead, close to cumming "fuck this" Jooheon loses it, removes his hand, and pushes changkyun slightly so that he could remove his own boxers

"i cant take it anymore" he pumps his dick, precum helping him to move his hand swiftly "see this changkyun?" he shows his dick with the help of the mirror and brought changkyun close to his navel "see it go inside" he lines his tip on changkyun's muscle, slowly inserting himself in

"it hurts, slow down" changkyun squeezes Jooheon’s wrist but Jooheon continued to push himself in "look at you" he says making changkyun look up to see his muscle swallowing Jooheon’s cock

Jooheon kisses the back of his neck, waiting for changkyun to adjust on his size, wincing on the process "shout stop if you cant take it" changkyun nods at Jooheon’s words as the pain on his lower section slowly subsided and is replaced with pleasure

Jooheon made sure that changkyun didn't feel any pain "it feels good" changkyun blurts out of nowhere, his mind blank "it should be" Jooheon smirks and picks up his pace, not holding back from showing how much he loved pounding inside changkyuns tight hole.

changkyun moaned and groaned at the overstimulation he was feeling, his bangs stuck onto his sweaty forehead, cheeks bouncing every time Jooheon thrusts forward, putting him on edge

changkyun looks at his reflection, hand painted with his own precum and Jooheon’s dick going in and out of his needy hole, producing squelching sounds which made him more aroused than he is now and tried to match Jooheon pace, and with the right timing, he did match his pace.

Jooheon was caught off guard when changkyun did so making him moan loudly "you shouldn't have done that" then pushes changkyun so that he was on all fours, face flat on the floor.

he grabs changkyun's hair so that he could still look at himself from the mirror as Jooheon started to pound inside him mercilessly again, free hand on changkyun's hips to stop him from moving.

"more, harder, faster!" changkyun begs, tears forming on the corner of his eyes "you don't get to decide" Jooheon leans and whispers to him before letting his hair go, making sure changkyun stumbles forward so his ass is high up in the air

"is this not enough?" he says each word with a powerful thrust, pushing changkyun's torso further on the ground, incoherent begs and cries coming out of his mouth "that needy?" he pulls changkyun by his arms then moves on to his sensitive nipples, sending an electric shock throughout changkyun's body

"aaahhh!" changkyun moans, cum coming out of his penis and onto the floor. he became limp and weak, body becoming heavier "who said you can cum?" Jooheon pulls changkyun more so that his changkyun's back touched his chest, thrusts not coming to a slow

changkyun gives him a groan as a reply "tsk" Jooheon clicked his tongue and wrapped his hand around his sensitive dick, pumping it with the same speed he thrusts inside changkyun "don't cum until I say so this time" he nips and kisses changkyuns neck, going over the hickeys he left earlier

Jooheon felt changkyun tighten on his dick, the younger's hand languidly pumping his own dick, presumably close to his second climax "I cant hold it in anymore" he looks at his reflection, eyes hooded, mouth agape, and hand painted with his own precum then to Jooheon’s to see his head thrown back, eyes closed, veins starting to form on his hands, and his dick going in and out of his needy hole

Jooheon removes himself from changkyun making him whimper at the sudden loss "face me" Jooheon’s voice boomed throughout the bedroom, and changkyun eagerly follows "good boy" jooheon smirks and leaned forward to kiss changkyun.

this kiss is different from the other ones they have shared a while ago, this one is passionate, full of love, and changkyun feels all of it—he felt happiness, he felt safe, he felt loved.

Jooheon’s hard slap to changkyun's ass made him moan onto the kiss and pull back, but Jooheon isnt wasting his time and quickly inserted himself inside ‘I want to see that pretty expression of yours when you cum don’t disappoint me." those were the last things Jooheon said before bringing changkyun's ass up and down fast, pounding deep inside him, making sure he feels every inch of him

and oh god changkyun did feel every inch of him deep inside and didn't hold back from releasing a loud moan “Jooheon!" he shouts then wraps his arms around his neck, his hands finding themselves in his drak hair, giving Jooheon full access to his neck

Jooheon not letting this chance go, he bit, kissed and left marks for changkyun to remember this night. he doesn't want him to forget. "changkyun" he whispers, pace not slowing down "changkyun" he now says louder, slapping his ass on the process making changkyun throw his head back with a moan

"I fucking love you changkyun do you hear me?" he whispers as he kissed changkyun's neck veins, left hand kneading his ass cheek and the other on his hip, helping changkyun ride him.

changkyun heard this and couldn't hold back his tears which slowly fell from his cheeks to Jooheon’s shoulder "I love you too" he says, snuggling on the crook of his neck, heart pounding.

Jooheon smiles while panting, his climax nearing, his thrusts and timing started to unmatch with changkyun's, getting obviously tired "I'm close" he announces to the younger "m-me too" changkyun says

Jooheon gave his last bit of energy and pushed changkyun down so that he was on top of changkyun and the latter lying down on the floor "as what I've said, i want to see your face" Jooheon pumps changkyuns dick without notice, matching his own thrusts making changkyun arch his back, hold onto Jooheon’s hand, and wrapped both his legs onto Jooheon’s waist, helping him go deep.

it takes Jooheon five powerful thrusts and three pumps before changkyun reaches his climax, thick rope of cum all over changkyun's stomach and Jooheon’s handas welll.

"my turn" he brings changkyun's legs up to his shoulder and gave three pounds before giving languid thrusts, milking himself inside changkyun's ass deep inside, moaning and panting.

they stay like that for a while before Jooheon detaches himself from changkyun and weakly gets up to clean their mess so that changkyun's job would be less burdensome

changkyun winces when he tried to sit up making Jooheon smile weakly, approach him and without saying anything, he lifted changkyun bridal style despite their contrasting figures, Jooheon is strong and made his way to the bathroom, placing him on the toilet seat as he prepared the bath.

"are you okay?" Jooheon runs his hand on changkyun’s hair making blood rush to his cheeks "I am" he gives him a small smile then looks at his feet

Jooheon was saying something but changkyun didn't hear "what was that?" Jooheon’s eyes widen and scratched the back of his neck and chuckled "i said, what I've said earlier, i mean it."

changkyun weakly stands, about to fall but thank god Jooheonwas there to catch him "I mean it too" he smiles and hugs Jooheon

"I love you" he looks up ay Jooheon, cups his cheeks and kisses him. Jooheon snakes a hand on his waist and pulled him closer to deepen the kiss.

"I love you the most"

#monsta x #smut #monsta x smut #i.m smut #jooheon smut #i.m #jooheon

[savnofilter]

You’re Perfect

Bakugo x Fat!Reader [3.4k words]

warning(s): sexual content, angst, fluff, mentioned bullying, might be triggering, implied anxiety attack, body dysmorphia, body worship, praise kink.

a/n: for any sfw readers, about first half of the fic is strictly sfw. line “It took you a second” is when it gets spicy, ““Shit… you okay? I didn’t hurt you or anything?”” is when its chill again. <////<

ahhhh, i sincerely apologize to the requester for this being so late. i too at the time was struggling with my weight when i had received this, i hope this makes up for lost time. this hit home to write since its painful to see someone you love go through hating themselves for something they cant control. if there is ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU (THE READER) UNCOMFORTABLE PLEASE LET ME KNOW! i will fix it up ASAP. as my other awareness posts or sensitive topic fics, i hope this helps more than hurts. 

if anyone makes fun of you for your weight (especially on anonymous) theyre fucking losers. if someone cant say shit to your face they dont matter!! and if they do? they still dont matter. as long as you are healthy you are 100% valid, no matter your size. thank you anon, i hope you have a splendid night! 💓

His mouth danced with yours as you two had finally gotten back from a long day of shopping together. His hands wandered under the cute hoodie that you had borrowed from him, your beautiful body doing it more justice than his. His calloused hands gave your sides a playful squeeze, smirking lightly at your slight moan at the feeling. Just when he was about to lift the material from your body is when you had stopped him abruptly. 

Bakugo frowned upon watching as you kept your hoodie down, shying away from his eyes and not making any move to speak rather than to tell him “no”. He sat back on his heels, your skirt already ridden up, but that too was brought down by your persistent hands. Bakugo’s brows furrowed in confusion, eyes scanning your face and trying to figure out what the hell was wrong. 

“Babe, what the hell are you doing?” He asked, his voice communicating his confusion.

“I-I just don’t feel like it anymore.” You mumble, hand flying up to cover your face, a sure sign that you were lying to him. Bakugo’s face didn’t change at your words, the other indication of that was the subtle change in his facial expression. He moved back, his hands carefully lifting your thighs from around his waist and helping you sit better on the bed again. 

“What’s the issue? Did someone do something to you?” He asks one question right over the other, thinking out loud instead of letting you speak as he gives you more space. “I swear I’ll kill whoever did it, those fuckers don’t know what’s coming to them-”

“It was about us,” You whisper, “those girls were talking about us.” Your change in volume catching his attention, whipping his head to look in your direction once again. He was startled to find that you were crying, the dead giveaway being the wet spots that coated the once dry edge of your sleeves. “How I’m not good enough for you b-because…” Finishing the sentence was hard. Your voice trembled as you struggled to talk, the painful squeezing in your chest making it impossible to think straight. He couldn’t say anything as he waited for you to continue, too worried that if he spoke too soon he’d cause you more harm than healing.

“I’ve been trying so hard to ignore it but, it’s just so fucking hard not to. People always tell me about how I look when I can already see it by myself. I don’t need someone to point out my weight because I live with it every fucking day! When they send me their bullshit when we’re together -- it’s always when we’re together. I fucking hate it!” You cried harder, your emotions coming up and swallowing you whole. Had this been with anyone else, it would’ve been hard. Since Bakugo had already been with you a few times to know your insecurities and aid you back to a level head, making this easier to open up. “Those girls… they talk about how you’re better than me, how you’d leave me because I’m not shaped like the other girls, how--how I’m not your type! And it’s every-fucking-day.” You whimpered at the end of your sentence, your anxiety not aiding in the fact that it was getting so much harder and harder to think straight or breathe. “It hurts so fucking much because I love you so much, K-Katsuki -- it hurts s-so much!”

At this stage in your breakdown, you didn’t even have enough courage to look up at him or inch away when you felt him get closer to you. He was silent as he watched you sobbed, gulping anxiously as he too tried to hold back his pain at watching you like this. He quickly scanned the room to let his words flow for whatever reason, the action aiding him in speaking to you. Of course, he had known that once you two moved onto a university setting that more people would try anything to get on top. Bullying was something he was over and something he had grown to despise. The thought and knowledge of people being awful to you made him incredibly sick.

“Is that what has been bothering you so much?” Bakugo asked, gently getting enough room for him to bring you into his lap into his arms. You nodded as you continued to sob, the harshness before only dimming down just a bit by him embracing you in his arms. “Fuck those extras. Those chicks don’t even know what they’re talking about, if they spent more time on themselves they’d pass better in class!” He huffs. He doesn't need to anything about who there and what their motives were, not wanting to feed into their pathetic bullshit. It was losers who don’t even have the privilege to talk to him for Bakugo. “You’re fucking beautiful, Y/N. Don’t let some nameless bullies get to you, they’re nothing but jealous bottom-feeders. You’re your own person even without me -- and hell I would still be pinning after you even if we weren’t together.” He mumbles against your temple, his hand that held under thighs in a tight but comfortable grip gave them a loving squeeze, his other hand that wrapped around your shoulders giving the same effort. 

He smiled softly once the sound of your crying subsided the more he continued his words. He places a kiss on your temple once he manages to earn a sorrowful giggle from you, nuzzling your hair as he softly rocked you. “Don’t let those people get to you… they have nothing better to do.” He carries, his tone softer than the last time. “I don’t know what’s it like to be in your shoes, but I am here for you, alright?” He reassures. The nod of your head was all he needed as he let you calm down, not moving or speaking another word till you were comfortable in moving again.

He gave you a moment to collect yourself, reminding you of the breathing exercises you often did to get you to breathe normally again. It wasn’t until when you had gained enough reassurance you were able to lift your head from your curled up position, using the other dry side of your sleeves to clean your cheeks. He swoops in to give your closest cheek playful kisses, the feeling of his lips against your skin making you chuckle and move your face away. 

“Katsuki, stooop~” You tease him, moving your face away from him and letting his kisses trail down your neck. He stops once you down at him with a playful grin, your vibrant smile back on your face. 

“There my beautiful and amazing, Y/N, is~” He teases back, leaning in to give your lips a peck and pulling away to carefully let you back on the bed. You take a small deep breath, your hands coming up to wipe your face again. “Thank you, Katsuki. Sorry if I ruined the mood, I didn’t mean it…”

“Eh, what the hell. I would rather sex you up when you’re ready not when you’re someplace else.” He nudges you jokingly, smirking down at your semi-surprised face. “I could get you a bath, queue up some movies, if that’s what you want-”

“N-No, I would like to continue where we l-left off.”

It took you a second before you could look up at him, both pairs of eyes reading each other. You were the first to lean in, his hand coming up to cup your cheek and sealing the kiss halfway through. You positioned your body to face him better, him the same as you two sat at the edge of the bed getting into your interrupted make-out session once again. Your hands gripped the bottom of his shirt as his other disappeared under your hoodie once again, you two letting your hands refuge wherever they could find it. 

His thumb softly caressed your skin as he leaned more into you, you both moving to lay back onto the bed. His hand trailed from your jaw back to his earlier position before you had your break, pausing just slightly and continuing their journey downwards -- in fear of repeating the same emotions that had jumped up when you two had first started. His calloused hands landed on your thighs and spread them with enough room for him to fit between your thicc thighs. His hands gave them a sensual squeeze, dragging up playfully to disappear under your skirt as he caressed the plush skin under it. 

His tongue invaded your mouth while you let his hands roam wherever they so, please. His mouth swallowed your cute and surprised yelp when his hand found its way into your laced panties and gave your bean a testing rub. Once his advances weren't rejected he proceeded to continue rubbing. He opened his eyes to watch your face relax into one of lewdity, quickening his pace to the one you liked. His fingers were skilled in rubbing up and down to collecting your slick, making it easier to rub against your skin and bundle of nerves.

When you had pulled away it was one of the most erotic sights he has ever seen from you: expression needy, mouth open, and tongue hanging out your mouth as panted from the rush of adrenaline. A string of saliva connected you two, the experience causing his cock to twitch in excitement. He leaned down to give you a quick kiss to get rid of it and pulled away to get the rest of your clothes off. His hands gripped the bottom of the hoodie, red and lustful eyes looking up at you for consent before getting the clothing off your body. He groaned watching your chest heave in excitement, hands trailing your sides, and moving to kiss your neck.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, baby~” He mumbles against your skin, giving it a playful bite and sucking on it. “And you’re all fucking mine, you got it~?” He trails his kisses to different parts of your chest and collarbone, making sure to leave it in places that could easily be seen. “I’m going to let every extra know it too~”

You moaned out his name once he continued his possessiveness, hands groping your tits through your bra and fondling them. The soft but stimulating fabric of bra aided in giving you the extra boost of hormones that he had given your cunt minutes ago, shamelessly rubbing against the front of his pants to gain stimulation. 

His kisses didn’t stop at your chest and collarbones, his adventure continuing when his hands went behind your back to un-clip your bra and watch as your breast spilled from the contraption. He mutters to himself at how cute your chest was, the hardened nipples aiding in their beauty. He couldn’t help but swoop in and take a bud in his mouth, already sucking on the proud buds. His tongue swept across the hardened nerves and sucked on them as well, his other hand fondled the other. His unoccupied hand moves back under your skirt and inside your panties, playing with your womanhood, his main focus to give you utmost pleasure. 

He hums happily hearing you moan and whimper for him, your hands gripping the shirt he still kept on. The contrast of how much clothes you two were wearing was making you self conscious, but in the hot, bothered and vulnerable -- and not the bad kind of way. Once he could feel your cunt slicking up he smirked against your skin and continued his ministrations. Bakugo takes two experimental rubs against your entrance, dipping the tips in and slowly sinking them both in at once. His teeth lightly tug at your nipple as he pulls away, letting it go before giving it a teasing peck.

“You like my fingers in you, baby~?” He lightly taunts you, watching as your hips buck into his hand once he chooses to rub over your g-spot from the get-go. “You like it when I tease you like this, Y/N~?” Of course, he wasn’t expecting a verbal response from you. Your whimpering, and nodding being enough.

He let his fingers work inside you, tips repeatedly grazing and teasing your g-spot to watch your tremble and quiver. Choked words came from your mouth, your eyes never leaving his as he watched down at you in a predatory gaze. The corners of his mouth etched into a smirk, unbeknownst to you that how beautiful you looked made his heart race, his thumb doing its work to further its pleasure and keep you squirming beneath him. The sound of your cunt sucking around him was erotic, Bakugo flipping up your skirt just to see the mess underneath. “Fuck~ this pretty little cunt is mine~” He growls out from the feeling of your walls tightening around his digits at the compliment. Surely he wasn’t expecting you to cum this quick, his free hand gripping one of your thighs and pushing it back to let his fingers hit differently inside you. The mixture of his fingers pumping in and out of the hot core and his thumb swiping at your swollen nerves was enough to drive you over, giving him a loud cry he always yearned to hear when you guys get busy in your dorm room. He carefully removes his drenched fingers from your wanton cunt, dryly swallowing at the loss from around his fingers.

“Such a good girl…” He mutters to you, whether or not you were supposed to hear it or not mattering to you once he rips off your skirt, his hands gripping your waist and squeezing your waist. His eyes scanned and drank in your naked state, his cheeks tinting a happy pink on his tanned skin as he thought of all the things he could do to you, his boner officially pressing against the restraints of his pants. His hands trailed your body, giving the parts of your body sensual gropes and held you with gentleness. It was like he wanted to let you know he cherished every bit of you. 

Bakugo was quick on getting his clothes off, ready to finally have his cock inside you. His fingers danced across your way to lube himself up again, pumping his cock as he looked you over. He makes strong eye contact with you, his nose flare in hot arousal. “Are you ready to continue, babe?” He asks softly, gripping your thighs and wrapping your legs around his waist. 

“Please, Katsuki, please make love to me…” You ask meekly in response, your hands circling his shoulders and pulling him closer. His face nuzzles your neck and nods his head in response, pressing his tip against your opening before thrusting in.

“Be careful what you wish for~” He simply says as he hits inside you and holds you close. His pace was relentlessly but not in an aggressive way, the enthusiasm of his thrusts showing his passion for having sex with you. Your hips met with every thrust, body bouncing against his as he moved his hips against yours. The resonating sound of him moving in and out of you was flustering, to say the least, the sound not alone and having the sound of your wet pussy to partner along with it. 

His hands caged your head in as they rested on beside your face and on your plush pillows, anchoring himself and helping him move in you. He peeked down to watch as you reacted to him, from the way your face twitched in pleasure to the way your body moved against his was to put simply, euphoric. 

“There’s my beautiful girl, moan for me, baby~” Bakugo held no resentments in showering you with compliments, adding a little razzle-dazzle to the experience between you two. While some were straight-up dirty some were wholesome. The scale of how Bakugo went along with making you feel better and loved almost made you tear up once again. You swallowed the tears more for your own fear of shedding emotion and not wanting to ruin the mood again.

But that wasn’t the case.

Once Bakugo noticed your tear-stained cheeks, admittedly his heart did squeeze. He gave you a promise that he loves as he slowed his thrusts just for you, his hands coming up to cup your cheeks and give you a passionate kiss on the lips. He didn’t try to make it steamy or long, nor did he pull away to hear you say the same words back. He just wanted you to feel loved and desired in that very moment his words reached far behind the sensual confines of the bed you both sometimes shared.

So you let your feelings out. 

This time it was from the overwhelming love you held for your longtime boyfriend.

He kissed away and rubbed your cheeks as he left you to cling onto him. He set his pace to one he knew you loved, doing nothing more than pleasuring you and helping you move along to your orgasm. His lips littered your exposed collarbones, shoulders, neck, chest -- anywhere he could appropriately reach and where he could find. He kissed the characteristic and lovely blemishes on your skin, the reappearing and disappearing stretch marks he loved to caress late at night, and the old hickies left by your one and only~ He made sure to give you his all.

Your hands interlocked with his as you announced you were close, eyes watching up into him as his hips stuttered to meet your climax as well. He allowed himself to adjust to comfort without restraints. He sat deep in you as you released on his cock, your soft pants leaving your chest. He mutters another “I love you” to you for another good measure, kissing up to your neck and nipping your earlobe and sucking on it. He held you in his arms till you were done, carefully pulling away and pulling out, cussing lightly under his breath as he admired you. 

“Shit… you okay? I didn’t hurt you or anything?” He asks with slight worry, his cheeks tinting red again when you left your hands to cup his cheeks instead this time. You smiled up at him once he focused on you, thumbs softly rubbing the soft and warm skin of his attractive face.

“I’m okay. Thank you, Katsuki…” He pulls you into another hug, his arms holding onto you so tight that you believed that he wouldn't let go no matter what. “I-I love you too.”

You felt safe. 

Being on your own and not in the comfort of your home was scary on its own. But, with the added support of your boyfriend never made you pull away from loving yourself. You hadn’t expected to meet Bakugo or elope with him after his era of horrid behavior back in junior secondary school. You giggle to yourself as you think about old Bakugo and how much he’s changed, gaining a confused look from him.

“What’s so funny, brat?” He asks playfully, his hand coming up to flick your forehead. You whine at the feeling, still smiling anyways. 

“You’ve changed a lot, Katsuki.” You answer with just as much lightness, thanking him when he brings back a towel for you both to get cleaned up. “It’s honestly endearing if you ask me~”

“Save it for dinner.” He mumbles back, cheeks hot with embarrassment as you compliment his character development over the years. He gets off the bed and holds your hands to get you up, giving the same spot on your forehead a gentle kiss to somewhat “soothe” it. 

“Change into something comfortable, I have to show you something that will blow your fuckin’ socks off.” He grins as he pulls away. He get to changing into the settings attire from the few draws you let him borrow for his clothes, shooing you away and giving your butt a playful smack once you leave and smirking at your yelp. 

You pout rubbing your butt and go to your closet to pick out something this time around, deciding the leading choice for the outfit would be another one of his at-home hoodies that you wore out when you wanted him most. “May I ask where-”

“Of course not.” He answers before you can finish, peeking back at you once you dressed already, smiling softly as he hops up. “Just wear something that you can get dirty in. We’re going to make some unforgettable memories~”

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha smut #mha smut #bnha bakugo x reader #bnha bakugou #bnha bakugou katsuki #bnha bakugō #bnha bakugo katsuki #bnha katsuki bakugo x reader #bnha katsuki bakugou #bnha kacchan #bnha kacchan x reader #mha bakugo katsuki #mha bakugou #mha bakugo x reader #mha bakugo #mha katsuki bakugou #mha katsuki x reader #mha kacchan #mha kacchan x reader #tw body dysmorphia #tw; body dysmorphia #n/sfw #sav sins

[lideria]

Loverboy. | YangYang

Request: hiiii i wanna request something bc i had inspiration but i dont really write things, something with yangyang being your brother’s best friend and your family goes swimming with him along but he’s really awkward around you because he likes you? i just find that really cute 😭

Author’s Note: I really like this? And I love the love YangYang’s getting? I have another request for YangYang and wow that makes me happy? Also keep in mind I’m an only child so I tried my best based on what I’ve seen lmao

Warnings: Swear words, mentions of drinking, not proofread I’m sorry I’m really bad at it. English is my second language so if there are any errors please excuse me! I think that should be it? Let me know if there is more!

Word Count: 3.832 kinda long

Genre: Fluff, sprinkles of Crack and Angst, yet another college!au but not dominantly I’d say, friends!au, whof*ckingknowshowtheyendup!au

Hope you enjoy it loves! Have a good morning/day/afternoon/evening/night, I’m heading off to sleep lol 💚

“YangYang, why don’t you come with us this time?”

There is a dead silence that occurs after your father speaks. The three of you had been hanging out— lounging around on the couches since the weather is too hot to do anything else— as you always do in the living room while your parents were outside grocery shopping for the coming trip, and this happened to be their greeting when they stepped into the house. Your father’s suggestion is lighthearted with a smile on his face, which is making the silence more unbearable than it has to be. “We’re just staying for the weekend. I think your parents would be okay with it, don’t you think?”

“Um, I don’t know,” YangYang answers quickly and rather awkwardly. He looks to his side when your brother nudges (more like jokingly kicks) his leg with his foot. “Just say yes man.”

You do not bother to look up from your phone at the conversation that is going on, because this conversation has been repeating itself for a couple of years now. The answer had always been no at the end— since YangYang had to work at the dance studio, in his defense. Two years ago was hectic because of all the college businesses that had to be taken care of, document work and moving in and what not, and last year had been the same because of your admission to college.

As far as you and your brother knows he does not have an excuse this time. Plus, the three of you do not have the chance to hang out as much anymore as all of your schools’ schedules fall on different times, so this could be one of the last times you get to hang out freely until next year.

You hear the subject of the question laugh slightly. “I guess my sister could use a little break from me,” It is then that you hear a shuffle, a more audible hit, and a grunt that follows from your brother’s best friend. “It’s literally three letters, you’re making things harder than they need to be.”

“It’s not like you don’t sleep over at ours anyway, what makes it different if it’s someplace else?” You ask, and the two boys turn to look at you. Lifting your finger to your temple and tapping it several times you smile at YangYang, knowing the peer pressure must get to him at this point— not to mention the very drunken sleepovers he had had in college he had told you guys about in apartments he had not known the residents of. Both your brother and you could play that card any time.

YangYang seems to recognize that. “When are we leaving, then?”

The next day, five in the morning. You put your luggages one by one into the car, having to place a couple of them in front of the backseats since the stuff you had taken for only three days had already occupied most of the space. YangYang looks surprisingly awake, more awake than you and your brother could ever look waking up at that time.

And as if it is not bad enough that you are awake at this time after barely an hour’s sleep last night (as you had procrastinated getting ready until you absolutely had to), your brother opens the back door and nods his head towards the seats. “C’mon. You’re sitting in the middle.”

“Why do you hate me so much?” The whine is one of desperation since on top of everything you also have to sit on the tightest and hardest seat. But your brother does not give into it. “I don’t hate you, we just need more leg room than you do.” Which is right, but annoying.

You are the first to sit down at your seat, your brother and YangYang following suit. The three of you sit in silence as your parents and YangYang’s speak to each other outside, laughing. You can hardly keep your eyes open but when you are about to put your earphones on and lay your head back to try and sleep, your brother decides to start speaking. He starts going on and on about his plans for the upcoming two and a half days as if he would have the time to do them all, and at one point he starts speaking of someone you know all too well.

When he does, you shoot your eyes open and turn to face him. “You’re gonna hang out with who?”

“Didn’t you hear? Was I not loud enough?” He raises his voice, which makes both you and YangYang hiss a little at his antic because it really is too early for whatever he is doing. “Fuck you, okay? I don’t care. Just don’t have your tongues down each other’s throats around me. That’s disgusting.”

“I apologized for that and it wasn’t even my fault.” He says just as your parents open the doors to their seats, prompting you to shut your mouths up. It annoyed you to all extents imaginable that he would be hanging out with his summer fling once again— not that you did not like them, but the fact that they would never commit to a full on relationship was incredibly annoying considering they do whatever they do every single summer.

He mumbles something about you being upset you are lonely as your mother starts the car and starts driving, and you elbow him in the side, eliciting a silent groan from him as YangYang chuckles at you two. You lay your head back, your neck incredibly uncomfortable— so you give up on it instantly and turn to YangYang.

“Can I lay my head on your shoulder? I’ll share my earphones with you.”

It takes him a while to respond, which is weird, but it is still too early in the morning after all. In the end, though, he gulps a little and nods saying of course. So you lay your head down on his shoulder that is arguably not any more comfortable than the headrest is but at least your head is laid at a reasonable angle. YangYang accepts the earphone you hand out to him, and places his elbow against the window, leaning his cheek against his knuckles as he starts watching the changing scenery.

You fall asleep within a few minutes.

The drive lasted only about four hours long, so when you arrived at the little baby blue cottage near the beach none of you were really awake. But that matter had to be thrown to some non-visitable place in your brain as there was much cleaning to do before any of you could even imagine walking down to the beach.

Your brother vacuums and YangYang mops the floors as you dust around and clean the windows, your parents take care of the groceries and switch the water and electricity on. Luckily the cottage is really small, barely a living room with a sofa and a love-seat pushed close to each other, a small and old TV, open-plan kitchen with little counter space, two small bedrooms— yours with a couple pull out couches— and a small bathroom with very limited space that could only fit one person at a time.

But it still holds a warm feeling to it not counting the heat outside. The kind that makes you feel all warm and lovely inside.

Even though the cottage is small, cleaning it up takes some time. It is already the afternoon by the time you are finished, which is really sad considering today is Saturday, and you would already be on your way back by Monday afternoon.

But you forget about it when YangYang walks into the bedroom the three of you would be staying in, seeing you cleaning the windows. He drops his bag on a couch before turning back at you. “I’m done with mopping.”

“That’s great.” You say, spraying more of the cleaning liquid to the glass before getting back to trying to get a stubborn stain off. “I can help you, if you’d like.”

“Ah,” The cloth drops to your leg as you huff because wow it is really hot. “I mean I think I’ll be done soon. You guys can get ready to go out I guess.”

Silence. The awkward kind, but the kind of awkward where you know he is hesitant to tell you something. Only one thing comes to your mind. “Did he—?” You cannot finish the sentence because of how damn angry the possibility makes you that your brother ditched you and his best friend from the first minute. “He said they’re only gonna greet each other and he’ll be meeting us at the beach.”

With a dramatic roll of your eyes, you get back to wiping. “If he’s so in love, why wouldn’t he just ask them out I swear this happens all the fucking time—“

YangYang starts laughing as you rant, and you join him after a while, half because your response to feeling pissed off is laughing and half because his low laugh is pretty damn contagious. After your laughs subside you throw the cloth on the windowsill because to all hell with that— if your brother gets to vacuum and immediately storm out, you get to go outside without taking the stain off the window. “Let’s just get ready.”

The beach is not crowded when you walk down, most probably because it is not the season yet for most people.

The waves are ginormous but you do not really care, the sea was mostly like this rather than not. Which is why you just put down your towel without so much as a glance at its way. YangYang does the same as you, helping you with the umbrella and making sure it would not budge in the wind. “Are you really not mad at my brother?” You ask as you put the last stone at the corner of your towel to secure it in place.

“Why would I be?” He looks completely unbothered, which kind of answers your question. “I don’t know, bros before hoes and all that,” You huff. “I’d be mad at him— I am mad at him.”

“We both know he’s kind of really head over heels. Doesn’t faze me,” YangYang chuckles as you bunch up some sand in your hand. “Plus, he was the one that asked your father to come here.”

“He was?” The sheer shock that you seem to show makes him laugh, eyes tracing over your face as he leans on his hand. “You didn’t know?”

“I didn’t,” You confirm, shaking your head side to side. “Why— no offense, but why would he encourage you to come along then?”

YangYang clears his throat a little and shrugs. “Emotional support if things go wrong, I guess.”

You laugh, shaking your head again. Then it hits you. “Wait, so he’s actually gonna ask them out?”

“Yeah, I mean they’d been kind of trying the long distance thing out this year. So I don’t even know if he has to ask them out.” There is a pause before he smiles. “I’m happy for him. At least one of us gets to have the relationship they want, even if it’s hard to have it.”

Your head snaps at him at that, a wide grin on your face. “Aw, you have someone you like?”

The question seems to fluster him immediately. He gets uncomfortable, you can feel it, as he shifts in his place and sniffs. He is all smiley when he turns his gaze towards the sea. “I do. But I don’t think it’ll happen.”

“Why is that? Tell me about them,” Your words only seem to corner him further, but you frankly cannot care. Knees close to your chest, you hug them closer, placing your chin on top of your knee. He looks at you briefly before letting out an airy chuckle and turning his gaze back to where it had been. “They’re just.. amazing. Witty and playful but also grounded. Good thing is we’re close, but yet we’re so far. That’s all I can say, really.”

You want to nag him about it, but he cuts you off before you can, his head perking up. “Oh, your parents are coming.”

He gets surprised when you spring up onto your feet urging him to do the same with your hand. He gets up too, and you take your beach attire as quickly as you can which prompts an all awkward cough from him, tugging at his t-shirt before taking your own piece of clothing off your neck. “If you don’t want to be interviewed for the next several hours we have to go swimming right now.” You explain, knowing your parents would keep him as a hostage for some conversation— topic most likely being how college is, if he is doing good in his classes, if he is happy with his life, what does he want to do in the future, any hopes and dreams; the topics were endless.

The two of you only say hello to your parents before rushing to the sea, jumping in without much preparation as the waves would have hit you first if you had not done it.

The water is really cold because of the current, but you still have your fun.

YangYang and you both help your parents cook that night after taking your showers, and even as you are eating, your brother does not return. After you finish your dinner and the two of you have some coffee, you start talking about how dancing is going for YangYang, and your brother does not return.

Even when you drag YangYang outside by his wrist, walking to the square filled with stands and shops, saying “I need enough ice cream to make me regret being born.” and eat said enough amount, regret ever bracing the surface of this earth as your companion does the same, and come back— your brother does not return.

Instead, he returns after YangYang and you prepare his bed for him on the ground and change into your pajamas one by one. To be exact, he returns when the two of you are having your final glasses of water before going to sleep.

YangYang and you had agreed on doing something for when he did return, so even as you are caught by surprise as you are sipping on your water, you force it down before starting to applaud your brother. His friend beside you lets out a laugh at you before joining. Your brother looks something between surprised and confused.

“You found your way home!” You shout, making your parents laugh all the way from their room (which is not that far from the kitchen given the cottage’s size). “You’ve grown so much, you can find directions on your own without us having to pick you up.” You place your hand on your chest for dramatic measures. “I’m so proud.”

“Shut up.” Although his voice comes out annoyed, your brother has a smile on his face that makes you happy. You lean on the counter as he walks over and fills up a glass of water for himself, looking up at him curiously— and a bit mischievously. With your elbow you nudge YangYang a bit, encouraging him to ask.

He does. “So, how’d it go?”

“It went so bad that I had to take a walk that ended up lasting a few hours— it went good. We missed each other.” As always with your brother, he has to be annoying while answering the question. He leaves to get ready for bed leaving the two of you behind.

You and YangYang only look at each other in annoyance, and you make him break in laughter when you mock your brother’s it went good, we missed each other.

The three of you are out the door the moment you finish your breakfast next morning.

You gather your towels, the umbrella, the volleyball and the frisbee for your full day at beach that you must make the most of before going back home the next day.

The waves seem more acceptable today although they are nowhere near calm, but again, you do not care. You place the towels down, YangYang helps with the umbrella again, and your brother sets up the snacks you had brought along. The small cooler sits in between the towels and under the umbrella’s shadow.

The three of you all decide that playing some volleyball and ultimate frisbee before getting into the water is a smart choice, so you play around for who knows how long. Sun shining bright and strong on your heads, sand burning the bottoms of your feet, the sea breeze hitting your faces; sometimes you laugh, sometimes you scream in frustration, sometimes you scream just because you want to. All three of you have your fair share of sand in your mouths and on your face after dipping countless times for the volleyball and the frisbee. You get a couple of sand burns on your feet, and YangYang scratches the side of his hand when he falls down after catching the frisbee and landing on a random piece of log that had washed up to the shore— most likely after a forest fire that brought the content with the sea current.

But you definitely have a burnout at some point and have a swim in the sea, a swim of unnecessary splash wars considering how big the waves are. The two boys keep dunking each other’s heads into the sea, having their own fun from time to time, being silly. The mood is up there the whole time as you join their competition on who will hold their handstand for the longest time which is weird as the waves knock you all over so it really depends on how far the wave is when you start your handstand.

And it only hits you just how much time has passed when all of you go back and wrap yourselves in towels and sit down to have a few snacks along with some beer that was packed in the cooler.

“It’s so hot,” YangYang complains, and upon placing a hand on his shoulder you can indeed say he is hot. Probably too hot. The best solution you have at that moment is holding the cold beer bottle against his back. Which makes him jump in his place, and gets you laughing. “That feels so good but it’s so cold!” He basically screams, and you urge your brother to do the same as what you are doing, reaching out for the ice in the cooler.

You notice how pink or rather red his back is when you put the ice in his t-shirt in an attempt to make an ice bag out of it. “You’ve burned,”  You let out with a laugh. “That’s gonna peel for sure.” And you place the makeshift bag on his back.

When you get back to the house your brother is the first to take a shower since he has a special someone he needs to see once more before he leaves for home and for another year of college.

YangYang sits on the lounge chair out on the porch with you stood behind him, putting on aloe vera burn cream on his burnt upper back. He groans sometimes but tries to hide it by laughing, and honestly you are grateful for that— because it really looks like it must be hurting a whole lot, and you do not like seeing people in pain. “You messed up big time loverboy.”

He chokes on his spit. “What?”

“What, what? You messed up because you didn’t put enough sunscreen, and you are crushing on someone— hence the loverboy.”

“Ah, yeah,” He mumbles. “True.”

Everyone is asleep.

At least everyone should be, but you are not.

Instead you are sat out on the porch, and on the lounge chair, with only a glass of water in your hands and your earphones placed on your ears as songs of all kinds play. The midnight breeze had been too inviting for you to not stay up, hearing the angry waves of the sea crash to the shore. In the distance there is a cargo ship (ships were frequent in the off-season and at nights since the beach was not much used), the only light source in sight.

The sky is already only ever so slightly turning into a brighter grey, signaling the coming of the morning. You still had half a day before having to return back to sitting at your middle seat for the four hour drive, then doing the laundry, and then slowly but surely getting back to chores and schoolwork, preparing for your return to the campus in the upcoming weeks.

But right now, you want to stay in this moment forever. This moment where everything is so silent and so peaceful without worry of school or work or anything, this moment where your parents still do not have to get back to work, this moment where your brother is still close to the person who he loves.

It feels selfish for you to even think of it, though. Because you know YangYang is not truly all that happy at this moment. He is still crushing on someone, someone who he knows he does not have much chance of being together with. And on top of that, he is doing it with a pretty bad burn on his back.

Maybe time must move on for him, then. Maybe as time moves on everything can fall in place a bit better.

But you definitely want time to stop again when someone pulls an earphone out of your ear. You jump a little in your seat, trying to make out the face in the dark before they speak. “Hey,” YangYang whispers. “You weren’t sleeping were you?”

“No,” You say as your heart beats, no signs of slowing. “You couldn’t sleep?”

He chuckles at the answer that will get repeated, and at the question that addresses the obvious. “No,” And he sits down on the seat you open up for him, the two of you sitting side to side, arms touching. “I’ve been thinking.”

“About?” He sighs, and you can tell it is shaky, but not in the sad way. You do not remember ever seeing him sad, for that matter. “About my feelings.”

“What about your feelings?” There is a huff that leaves him that is full of uncertainty, but it is less shaky than his sigh. Bravery, maybe. His eyes that are fixed on the ship turn to you, a smile on his face, and he has to take one more breath before he speaks, eyes once again trailing all over your face before landing on yours.

“I really like you. Have been for a long time. I just thought you should know.”

#nct imagines #nct scenarios #wayv imagines #wayv scenarios #nct x reader #wayv x reader #yangyang #liu yangyang #yangyang imagines #i hope everyone enjoys it i love you guys :'))))) #this literally gives me a purpose in quarantine i'm so grateful for every request #and i can only hope i give you guys what you want #but i know i could never give you what you deserve #mwah #i love yous

[artificialqueens]

Cause Though the Truth May Vary, This Ship Will Carry (Gigi/Nicky) - Campvanjie

AN: Based on the prompt: “You weren’t supposed to hear that.” - “Well, you shouldn’t be saying it then.” A slight AU Gigi/Nicky, little bit of unrequited crushing and a lot of fate, originally posted to my old AO3 account on May 24th, 2020. Edited as well to add non-binary pronouns for Gigi out of drag, as the original used male pronouns. Don’t worry, I’m the original author and only want all of my stories collected under one pen name.

Summary: Nicky and Gigi strike up a friendship online, but just can’t meet until the time’s exactly right.

CW: slight mentions of homophobia.

The sun’s almost setting on an August day when Gigi flicks through the games in their library, bored of sniping enemies from rooftops, set on finding something else that has a competitive mode, kicking underneath the bed to find their headset. It would probably be best to at least try to talk to other people, and maybe even count up all the times people call each other gay without even realizing they’re talking to someone, who’s made sixteen dollars an hour dressing up as a girl and working at the rock climbing wall for all of high school.

There’s gay, and then there’s Gigi Goode; with a closet hanging full of custom couture, not that they’d ever admit to their mom that her work isn’t the worst.

There’s only one player in the team’s group chat, as Gigi adjusts their headset so they can talk into the mic.

“Hello?”

“Hey.”

“Hi!”, laughs the voice in his headphones; crackling as Gigi shoots and blows apart a box in the game’s lobby. There’s an accent there he can’t quite place, not that it matters so much, since the guy on the other end easily guides him through the map and even cracks a couple of jokes as one of the other team’s players is booted off a cliff. Maybe he’s Spanish, or Russian, since there are lot of Russian people on the server at this time of almost- night.  

They queue for another round, his player’s character stopping next to a poster of one of the girls in the game.

“I like her, do you?”, he asks, and Gigi cringes a little. Straight guys were fucking exhausting, but this was just embarrassing-

“Like, this coat, with the belt like this, makes her waist look like she is a wasp. The insect, not the white people.”, he keeps talking, and Gigi’s eyes widen a little.

“Yeah, I’d buy those boots.”, they joke, hoping that whoever it is, will take it in stride, and he won’t have to listen to someone who’d been cool for the past half an hour, suddenly start losing their mind over how gay that was to say out loud.

“The boots? I want this hair- I want just Mortal Kombat hair but like this color, and maybe instead of a gun I want the scepter, like Sailor Jupiter. You’ve seen that, yes?”

Gigi blinks a couple of times. He’s serious?

“Like, of course. Yeah.”

“She’s a Mugler bitch. Hm, aren’t you?”, the voice teases on the other end; kicking at one of the boxes in the game.

Gigi is silent, as their queue timer runs out, and their team join another game which is already active when they’re dropped in.

“It’s the Hermes winter collection.”

“What?”

“That jacket is a dupe from the Hermes winter collection. You said Mugler-”, Gigi repeats, blasting through a wall in the game.

“Oh- oh you’re saying- this past winter! Of course! Maybe someone on the design team is also a fan?”

“Maybe.”

The two of them finish the round, and Gigi eagerly hits yes; when a little box pops up to add TheNickyDoll to their friends list.

(Gigi adds him back on Discord, too- because they’re probably not taking the Xbox to college, and then, they can send pictures right away.

He’s not a serial killer, and he’s cute.

Gigi can’t help but wonder if Nicky thinks the same of them.)

They slowly knit together in between Gigi’s first semester, and when Nicky moves into a new apartment in the eleventh arrondissement in Paris, and pops a bottle of champagne against his camera on his phone, propped up in his new kitchen. He plays with the zipper on his hoodie, and Gigi still can’t help but be surprised with how simple his wardrobe is.

Gigi spends hours carefully curating their wardrobe, though they supposed in Europe, there were just better pickings.

“Don’t you have friends?”, Gigi jokes, shirtless against the white brick walls of their dorm.

“Everyone will be over later, but I just wanted to do a toast for your timezone. It will be like three am for you when everyone else gets off work.”

“So this is a private party? Well… okay let me get my card.”

“Seriously? Not that kind of party!”

“Didn’t say it was. Congratulations, by the way. I got you something! Well like, I found it, and it’s so you-“

Gigi flicks the camera to face forwards, swinging to a painting hanging in the closet.

“Aw, well you didn’t have to- what the fuck is that?”

“Putin! I painted him in like the eighth grade. My mom was dropping off some stuff last weekend and I can mail him-“

Nicky’s eyebrows shoot up, pots and pans clattering on the other end of the line.

“Bitch, I am trying to not be the victim of a hate crime.”

Gigi laughs a little bit, flipping the camera back to focus on their face.

“I never asked, what do you even do?”

“What?”

“Like you- you have a job right? What’s your job?”

“Ah, I’m working, well I worked at a makeup store, but now I have some contracts, and maybe, you know- this neighborhood is where all the bars and the clubs are. If there’s no work on the runways maybe some will be looking for new girls.”

Gigi’s cheeks run hot for a moment.

“Wait, you- you’re a girl?”, they ask weakly, hoping it won’t absolutely ruin their entire… whatever it is, when you’d rather have a private housewarming alone in bed, than pretend to enjoy the beers that are flowing through the rest of the hall downstairs.

“Only when I’m being paid. Do you know- well, you have to in America you have RuPaul’s show- it’s like that-“

“You do drag? Wait, really?”

“Shhhh.”, he stops them, pressing a finger between his lips. “It’s like, I haven’t got any bookings yet but some of the clubs are interested- some of the parties, too. I can be a bottle girl.”

Gigi simply blinks repeatedly in the screen.

“What- is that too gay? I thought we were both pretty gay.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Hey-“, Gigi keeps the camera on their face, their eyes flicking up towards the naked mannequin resting against the closet door. Most of Gigi’s things were still at home, but there was a black feathered swimsuit they’d been working on- if they took out the waist just a bit-

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Wow, we are getting deep in, Dr Phil.”

“Seriously, what is it?”

“I’m feeling pink recently. Usually just- something simple. Blue. Black. It’s soothing.”

“Black is not a color.”  

“Then it’s my favorite not-color.” Nicky pours from the bottle into a flute on her counter. “Get something to drink, come on.”

“Uh-“

“Doesn’t matter what. Come on!”

Gigi reaches for Red Bull, yesterday’s alcohol mixed into it, tangy and stale in the metal can.

“Okay.”

“Pace a Salute!”, Nicky cheers, and they clink their drinks against the camera.

-

Two months later, there’s a wrapped package on his stoop, covered in foreign postage, wet at the edges like it’s been through- what Americans would call the ringer, the labels so scratched over he can barely make out the return address, when he cuts the cardboard open on his kitchen counter.

If this was that stupid Putin painting, he was deleting Gigi from his entire life-

Inside, is fabric folded in paper, a little cloth ribbon tied around where a card is tucked in.

“I dont know what your actual skin tone is because you need better lights but merry Christmas if it doesn’t fit or doesn’t match sell it on eBay and get better lights”,

Gigi has written, in neat, large letters.

Nicky carefully unfurls the rest of it, and there’s a blue and pink bodysuit inside, accented with green and yellow panels that glitter like the facets of a diamond, and a yellow jacket, the bottom cut off just below the ribs, hemmed in thick stitches so the fabric won’t roll up.

Had Gigi gone and had this made? Or was it off the rack?, he wondered, digging for price tags and labels in the fabric.

Nothing.

Shit.

He fires off a message to Gigi, who is still showing as offline, given it’s probably six in the morning where he is.

14:17

-

How much is this “gift” you got me? Wtf…

FaceTime me later.

There’s predictably no response, and that night; he paints carefully in the mirror in his bedroom, laying out the little black dress he had chosen for the performance on his bed.

At the very last minute though, it’s that little suit from Gigi that wins out, nude panels sliding over his tights as he shimmies in front of the mirror.

It’s not perfect, but it all looks very nice.

When later comes, Gigi is wearing a red wig with blonde streaks that she runs her long fingers through, winking at the camera.

“My mom’s actually a professional seamstress. It didn’t cost anything, babe.”, she says with a little shrug, a tight yellow dress barely moving around his shoulders. There’s always a party here; and Gigi can’t imagine hating it more, the little college town bigger than he was used to, and yet still- too small for what she really wanted.

“If you want other stuff, I’ll send it. There’s lots of stuff that I don’t really wear anymore and we kind of have the same style. It’s not like anyone can say anything, then they’d have to admit they’ve seen me out in public. Or I could even make you something, I’m bored all the time.”

“Why are you doing this?”, Nicky asks.

“I dunno. It’s not like you’re my competition. You’re my friend.”

19:41

-

Anyway, I’m dropping out of school, getting a nose job and moving out to LA.

Gigi types out on their phone, underneath the table at their family’s annual thanksgiving dinner.

19:41

-

Maybe not all at once.

Nicky’s reply comes lightning fast- making Gigi grin.

“Are you seriously getting nudes right now?”, one of their brothers asks, and their mother glares at the both of them over the table.

“I’m getting some new sketches from my atlier in Paris.”, they seethe, glancing back down at the floor. Nicky’s been trying to teach him French, like it’s something that occupies them so that Gigi doesn’t implode; in between sending him links to his favorite shows to watch, and YouTube links to makeup tutorials.

(He still hasn’t figured out if Nicky means it; or if he’s trying to be shady, and just doesn’t know how.)

“Atlier is where you get the clothes made, dumbass. Mom’s sewing room isn’t Paris.”

“Shut up!”

“All of you just stop-”

19:43

-

It’s a hard time in life in general.

Try not to listen so much to those voices in your head.

Nicky’s text pops up with a loud, mechanical pinging noise, three dots still hovering under the message as Gigi forces looks up from the screen and glowers across the table as they reach for more baby carrots.

19:43

-

Make mistakes, but not too many, haha. You’ll figure it out.

If it makes you feel a little bit better, I’m moving to San Fran

19:43

-

What? For real?

Gigi’s nails frantically tap over the screen.

19:45

-

Yes! I bought a ticket.

And my husband called an immigration lawyer, we’re going to get my green card situation set.

“Lawyer-”, Gigi gasps; and their entire family pauses, glancing over the table at them.

“Jesus Christ. You did it, didn’t you? You got arrested your first semester, and you weren’t even gonna tell us-”

“You weren’t supposed to hear that.”, they snap, flipping the bird at their oldest brother.

“Well, you shouldn’t be saying it then.”

Their whole table erupts in a discussion Gigi can’t pay any attention to.

19:50

-

Cool.

That means I get to see you soon.

It’s gonna be great.

They taps ou, and close the app with a smile.

-

They hadn’t known if Nicky even had a boyfriend, not that it mattered; until it did.

Apparently; he had been married, for almost the whole time they had known each other- a blow Gigi hadn’t quite expected, to leave them as breathless as landing in Los Angeles; the shock not setting in, not in full, anyway- until they are standing in a new apartment, looking down at a menu of instructions on how to set up the wifi in the unit, fingers hovering over everyone in contacts.

They can’t call their mom; not this soon, and their brothers would tell her, and the whole plan would crumble; just like everything had with Nicky; whose calls Gigi had declined for the past solid month; the nights they had spent with their phones propped up behind desks and dressing room mirrors fading into something beyond memory; that they refused to think about any more than they had to, the messages asking if they’re alright answered in curt, short replies.

How could they have been so stupid, thinking that they were talking-talking, teasing that Nicky and they were friends; when Gigi didn’t even know what his real name was.

(Unless it was Nicky?)

Shit.

Gigi waits for their phone to load into the app, and refreshes the friends list a couple of times, until they can see Nicky’s icon at the top, the side of the circle cut through with a little green dot, and taps twice to start a call.

“Hi?”

Nicky’s greeting floats in the air, between a breath and utter silence before Gigi swallows their pride, pressing the phone to the side of their face.

“What do you know about connecting a router to a tower if I live on the…um third floor?”

The line crackles, but soon there’s a tiny, familiar chuckle. “First of all, that is not how you do any of that-”

They talk a little more, every day; in between, Nicky moves to New York and Gigi cuts a tape that they put in the mail with a wink. They’re due for a visit home soon, and carefully proposes- maybe it’s time they meet Nicky. New York isn’t far at all, and a layover would make for a cheaper flight, anyway.

-

Their plans stack up in hours of calls; and Gigi think they’re almost back to normal. Until, three days before the flight is supposed to leave, there’s a call they had forgotten to wait for, and their fingers hover over the message box below Nicky’s name, vibrating with anxiety and excitement all at once.

09:22

-

Hey. I had a family thing come up.

Gigi types, and then erases the text, steeling themselves as they taps out another one that makes a little more sense, and doesn’t seem like such a lie.

09:30

-

I’m so so so so sorry about this

I had some things come up and my trip fell through.

They send this instead, surprised to see Nicky start typing back immediately.

09:35

-

You’re not going to believe this

I have some work things that started recently and so it would have been really shitty to have a guest over now.

09:35

-

No way!

09:37

-

Yeah. :(( But we’re gonna hang out someday, I swear!

09:37

-

Dont worry! You’re definitely gonna see me.

Real real real soon!

-

“-Where do I go?”, Gigi asks, pulling at the bottom hem of the ornate jacket she wore, fiddling with the gold telescope in her hands. The lights behind the set burned brightly, making the thicker bottoms of the outfit feel much warmer than he had remembered them being.

“Go to that green square on the ground, and wait there, when you see the little arrow light up, you can enter the Werk Room and then we’ll have you stop inside, get your opening line, and let you see the other girls.”

“Okay.”

He does as he’s told, prancing in and kicking his boots in front of him as the lights move to capture Gigi’s entrance, his head only snapping to the side when given the signal, so he can see the others who are already crowded around the pink tables he’s only dreamed of seeing for so long.

“Holy Shit…Nicky?!”

In reality; Gigi can see far more of the detail of Nicky’s face; of her eyebrows and carefully painted cheeks and lashes, of all the effort that they had only really talked about, his eternal summer tan and the long fringe of black hair that he’s always nudging across his forehead, or slicked against a beanie, gone behind a platinum blonde veneer that’s so much brighter than Gigi has ever seen. She’s thinner, and taller, careful breaths underneath sequinned shoulder pads, knees knocking together as she gasps.

“Gigi!”

Widow and Crystal glance at each other over the pink table.

“Hold up, you guys know each other?”

In the flesh; Gigi is impossibly small, the sharp angles of her face, and the dark brown hair that sticks up in angles which Nicky traces against the white of his pillows in his bedroom on the screen of his phone in the morning, taped underneath a gold-tipped pirate hat, and lush, wavy curls. She looks like a model on the runways where Nicky used to work; so close to him that he can feel Gigi’s breath on the back of his hand, as he tightens his grip around the epaulets on her shoulder.

“Gigi Goode.”, she repeats, and Gigi giggles a little at that.

“The Nicky Doll.”, she laughs, and her voice sounds so much more solid, than it ever has over every crossed wire.

Gigi’s hand swings, squeezing Nicky’s tightly as they swing around the table; like the others who are there don’t matter at all. She rests her head on Nicky’s padded shoulder, cocking it just slightly, waiting there, as Crystal’s eyes flash at the scene before them.

“…and may the best woman win.”, Gigi whispers, only for Nicky to hear.

#rpdr fanfiction #nicky doll #gigi goode #gigi x nicky #pre-ship #fluff #online friends au #s12 #on set fic #queen au #campvanjie #concrit welcome

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 8

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.1k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: thank you for all of you who read this but mostly to those who comment, send asks, reblog, like... it means so much to me. it means a lot to writers. i sort of want this story to never end.

requests! : only ONE for this chapter but all the OTHER requests used in this chapter will be posted in the next one. they sort of happened in this chapter, but well find out in the next so i decided to put them in chapter 9 to make sure i dont spoil anything haha!

Chapter 8 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

After trying at El's (where I knew Louis was), Harry's and Julie and Liam's, I knew I was fucked. I stared at my phone for about half an hour before I dared calling him. I just watched the percentage of my phone's battery drop with time and finally sighed and closed my eyes as I waited for him to answer.

I was pretty sure he'd say yes but I didn't know what his girlfriend would say. I knew it was bad of me to say, but I felt like there was no chemistry between them. Physically, it was incredible. I didn't particularly think that Heidi was pretty but I couldn't pretend she didn't fit exactly society's standards. Next to Niall, they aesthetically looked perfect and although I would never admit it, it hurt to see them together. I remembered looking at pictures online and feeling my whole body in pain at the simple sight of them holding hands. However, spending time with both of them showed me that they were awkward together when it came to everything else. I couldn't pretend it didn't make me feel better. I really was reassured that he didn't seem to really fit with her and I started wondering if people thought that about us when we were dating.

I watched him leave for the kitchen to go get an other bottle of wine and got up quickly to reach the door. I opened it and smiled at the delivery guy, telling him to wait a second. I quickly found Niall's wallet but when I opened it, I stopped moving and held my breath. I saw a bunch of unruffled bills and something I never thought i'd see again. I licked my lips, feeling my hand shake very lightly as I reached for the card before bringing it up.

'Kiss the person you love the most in the room'

I stared at it for so long I forgot where I was and what I was doing until something moved in the corner of my eyes. I quickly grabbed a bill and handed it to the guy, apologizing quickly and putting the card in my pocket. I was not sure what to think of it and I didn't want to ask him, at least not yet, but I knew that at some point, I would be too curious not to ask.

We ate in silence and drank more alcohol, even if I kept telling myself it would be the last glass. I felt nervous, like being around him was not natural anymore, like something was actually happening between us, and I wanted to hate it but the truth was, I loved it.

"I see you glancing at me." Niall said after a while, making me raise my eyebrows and turn my head his way.

"That means you're glancing at me too." I pointed out, making him laugh.

"Touché."

I smiled more and licked my lips, tilting my head.

"You actually pronounced that right."

We both laughed this time and although I knew it was better this way, I wished I was sitting on the same couch than him. I missed him, it was true. It was already surprising that I could admit it to myself but I would never admit it to anyone else. I missed Niall. I fucking missed him. As a best friend and as a lover.

"It's a bit late, can you show me my room?"

His eyes ran slowly on my face and after a few seconds, he nodded. I grabbed my bag and followed him slowly, staring at his nape and back. It brought so many memories to my mind and I swallowed hard, trying to get over all of this. I thought I was over him, but I could lie to myself again, nothing would change the fact that I loved Niall and always would

"Here." he said, pushing slightly on the door. "If you need anything, just ask."

I stared at him again, leaning against the door frame, and nodded slowly. He took a step closer to me and my heart jumped in my chest as his eyes dropped to my lips. Last time we saw each other, he almost kissed me and I backed away. Would he try to kiss me again today? Would he try to kiss me every time we'd see each other? Would he give up after a few times of trying? My heart jumped in my chest at that thought and it made me realize that I didn't want him to give up. Suddenly, I felt extremely guilty and swallowed hard, taking a step back before he could do anything.

"Thanks, you're sweet."

I walked in the room and heard his footsteps as he left further in the hall, probably to his room. Slowly, I got undressed, leaving my clothes on the floor and brushing my hair for a few seconds before bending down to grab my bag again. I sighed and searched through it to get a pajama, which consisted of a pair of sweatpants and a shirt, only to realize that I had brought two pairs of pants instead. I groaned and put one on before taking the shirt I was wearing earlier and putting it on. I could ask Niall for a shirt, right? Did that consist on cheating?

I waited a few minutes and finally got up, walking up to his room and peeking inside. The room was empty and it took me some seconds to allow myself in. I heard a noise coming from the adjacent room and frowned, walking quickly and pushing on the door. I held my breath as my lips parted when I saw my ex boyfriend in the shower. He didn't notice me, he was too busy, and I was paralyzed. I watched him, his eyes closed and his hand against the shower wall, as he moved his other hand on his dick. The sight in itself made my whole body throb but the fluttering stuck between my legs as I realized what he was doing.

"Fuck..." his voice was louder than I would have expected and even if I was far, I realized that I remembered exactly how he looked naked. "Holy..."

I let my mind wander, imagining I was the one touching him or even better, imagining I was on my knees in front of him and that I could take him in my mouth deeply until he'd reach the back of my throat. I closed my eyes for a second, letting out a short whimper that he couldn't hear because of the sound of the shower.

I shook my head and moved completely out of the room, leaning against the wall and panting low. I desperately wanted to touch myself too but I simply pressed my thighs together feeling the throbbing intensify. I heard him groan from the next room and my face twisted in pain. If I wanted, I could go there and kiss him. I could get in the shower with him and touch him. I could let him take me against that fucking shower wall and cum with him like we used to do. But I couldn't and without thinking, I slipped my hand in my pants and bit my bottom lip, feeling a lot hornier than guilty. I knew it was wrong and that I shouldn't look at Niall naked without his consent but hearing him curse and watching him jerk off did something to me that I couldn't explain.

I let out a muffled moan when I felt myself getting close to an orgasm and felt one of my legs shake slightly. Even without touching me, Niall could bring me close to cum in a very short period of time and it surprised me every single time. I heard him groan again and closed my eyes tight, thinking about what I had seen only a few minutes before, and felt a rush to my brain as an orgasm spread all over my body. I shook harder than I thought I would and had to bite my lip hard not to let out a sound, making the whole thing even more intense.

"Oh holy shit, fuck!"

I heard his voice and my heart jumped in my chest when he cursed. I leaned my head on the wall and closed my eyes, thinking about him cumming and I stopped breathing immediately when I heard him whisper. Did he fucking whisper my name? I felt my heart thump in my chest and against my rib cage as I frowned, not really sure of what I heard. Did he really say my name or did I just imagine him say my name because I wanted him to get an orgasm from thinking about me?

The shower stopped and I held my breath before rushing out of his room and walking back in mine. I sat in bed as I panted, probably from the fear of being caught, and I started feeling extremely guilty. I didn't have the right to invade his privacy and the fact that I even masturbated with him without him knowing was not only wrong, it was pathetic. I groaned, realizing it could be the cheesy start of a bad porn movie and rubbed my eyes.

It took me a few minutes but I ended up under the covers of the large bed, lights off but looking at my phone. I thought about the card I had found in Niall's wallet and sighed. Could it be possible that this was still as important for him as it was for me? No, probably not. I shook my head, realizing that perhaps, he put the card in his wallet a long time ago and simply forgot about it. He probably wouldn't even notice that it was missing, since he most likely didn't even remember it was there. That thought made my heart jump and I swallowed hard. Did I want him to care about me and miss me the way I missed him? Yes. Did I want him to still have feelings for me, to still think about me, to still dream about me? Fuck yes. But there was no reason why he would still feel like that.

I thought about the almost-kiss we had and closed my eyes, remembering how good his mouth felt as it brushed against mine. The memory made me lick my lips and I gripped the sheets of the bed hard, the same way I had when I had heard his words and felt his breath on my skin.

A soft knock at the door took me out of my thoughts and I jumped slightly, my lips curling when I saw Niall, leaning against the door frame. My eyes got bigger and my heart skipped a beat when I thought about him in the shower but I tried not to show.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Can I come in?"

I nodded but remained laying down as I watched him get closer. He stood next to the bed and my eyes roamed on him as I tried to suppress a smile. He was wearing shorts and a t-shirt and his hair was still damp from the shower. He raised his eyebrows at me and I chuckled, rolling my eyes, before moving the covers. He sat in the new spot and lied down next to me, his body facing me as he held his head with his hand.

"You're wearing the same shirt." he pointed out with a small smile. "You forgot to bring an other one, did you?"

I grimaced and groaned slightly. I didn't have to admit anything to him, he knew he was right and he just chuckled a bit before sitting up. I watched him take off the shirt he was wearing and held my breath as my eyes got bigger. I looked at the skin and hair of his chest, swallowing hard as I remembered him naked in the shower. What the fuck was wrong with me? He turned my way to hand me his shirt and I looked away, unsure if he had noticed that I was staring at him.

"Here, you can have mine."

I turned to him and looked down at his shirt before looking back in his eyes. He raised his eyebrows and I licked my bottom lip before nibbling on it. Could I wear my ex boyfriend's shirt? Was that considered cheating? I pressed my lips together realizing it can't be worse than masturbating in the next room while he was jerking off in the shower and finally sat up too, taking the shirt in his hand and making sure our fingers wouldn't touch.

"You should... you should turn away while I..." I stammered a bit, making him shake his head.

"Yea, oh yea definitely, good idea." he let out before turning back.

I was not sure what he meant by that but I spent a few minutes just staring at his back. My eyes moved up to his nape and shoulders and I swallowed hard. It was not even sexual. I just wanted to move closer and pepper kisses on the back of his neck and brush my mouth on his shoulders just to feel his warm skin against my lips. I brought my hand closer without thinking but stopped as the tips of my fingers were about to reach him. I shook my head and quickly took my shirt off before putting his on. The scent invaded my nose and my eyes fluttered close as it sent a rush to my brain, like I was reconnecting with an old drug I was addicted to. Could we be addicted to someone's scent? Could we be addicted to someone?

"You done?"

I blinked a few times and moved my upper body back.

"Mmhm."

He turned around and his smile faltered a bit when he looked at me. I saw his eyes roam on me and I held my breath. He was not even ashamed, the way I was only a few seconds ago. He let his eyes roam on my face and down to his shirt that I was wearing. I cleared my throat, trying to get his attention and he looked up in my eyes, his lips curling more.

"Tired?" he asked as I shrugged.

"Not really." I lied back down and his eyes followed me as I moved the blanket over my chest.

He moved in bed and lied down next to me, his hands under his head as he looked up at the ceiling. I could still smell him and turned my head to look at his arm close to me. It was so tough to know what he was thinking about and I wasn't sure why he was there with me. Perhaps he only missed the conversations we used to have late at night, and if I wanted to be honest, I missed them too.

"I'm glad you're here."

His words made me smile more and I turned my head as he did the same. We smiled at each other for a few seconds and he finally moved his whole body so he was facing me. All I could think about was brushing my fingertips on his cheek and it suddenly hit me how beautiful he was. It hit me so hard I could feel my heart literally beat harder in my chest.

"Like, really glad." he added with a chuckle. "Like, really fucking glad."

I chuckled and turned my body to face him too, feeling a bit nervous at how close we suddenly were. I could tell him that, right?

"I'm glad i'm here too." I admitted in a low tone. "I didn't think I'd be but, I am."

His facial expression changed and he looked down for a while. I didn't like how sad he seemed and as I was about to say something, he looked back up in my eyes.

"I'm sorry for last time." he apologized with a sigh. "I'm sorry for Heidi's tantrum and for the whole mess but mostly, i'm so sorry if I made you feel bad or guilty or angry or... anything, when we... when we were in my room together."

My lips parted at his words and I felt something twist in my chest.

"You.. you regret it?"

He frowned slightly until his eyes got bigger.

"If I regret wanting to kiss you?" he let out with surprise. "No! No, Olivia, I don't regret that at all. But I feel like it made you uncomfortable."

"No, I wasn't uncomfortable." I let out in a whisper.

"I just thought... you backed away and I thought, I thought I went too far."

I kept silent but swallowed hard again before my lips parted. He was so close and I could swear he got closer as we spoke. Did I imagine this? Was I the one who got closer?

"I still want to do it. I still want to kiss you."

The room was dark and it was late at night. Why did it always seem like we were in an other world at this time of the day? Why did I always feel like we were on an island just the two of us when we were in the dark? Why did everything seem unreal, like a dream? I didn't know, and perhaps, that's what made me pronounce the next words.

"Do you know why I stopped you, Nee?" I waited but he didn't move and I licked my lips. "I know it's going to happen. I know we will kiss. I know I will give in, one day. I know. But i'm gonna resist because it's wrong. I'm gonna resist with every fiber of my body because you have a girlfriend, and i'm getting married."

I shook my head and took a pause as something inside me started aching. Admitting I wanted to kiss him felt almost as bad as doing it.

"Even right now, Niall, we're just... On joue avec le feu." I finally added. "We're laying together in bed and we're so close."

"Okay, maybe we're tempting fate but..." he sighed and I saw him shake his head too. "I mean, if it'll happen, why not do it now?"

His words made sense but I couldn't get myself to do it. Not because I didn't want it, but because I was scared I would end up regretting it. Why did he even want to kiss me? Because he missed what we had? Because he wanted a reminder of what we used to be? Of what I taste and feel? Did he just want to kiss me to find out if he could?

I felt him move lightly on the bed and before I knew it, his breath was hitting softly my mouth, making my lips part again. I felt his bottom lip brush on my upper one and closed my eyes. Last time, I was the one who did that and at that moment, I was the one enjoying it. I loved the contact of his mouth with mine. I loved it too much and backed away.

"I can't, Niall." I breathed out.

He stopped moving before nodding slowly but as he backed away, I felt his fingers reach my hand that was laying between us and he squeezed it hard.

"This is so wrong."

"We used to do that all the time. We slept in the same bed, cuddled, spent nights talking." he pointed out gently. "This is no different, Liv."

"It is.. completely different, Niall." I argued but let him hold my fingers. "We were just friends back then. I was already in love with you but we were still just friends. But then we dated, and everything changed."

When we started dating, everything changed for the better but then he broke up with me and everything changed for the worst. if 10 years ago, someone had told me Niall and I wouldn't be best friends anymore, I would have laughed. Nothing would have seemed more ridiculous than that.

"You're still my best friend."

I smiled fondly at his words but my heart dropped in my chest. It seemed like we were both holding on to a dead feeling, an old relationship, a sensation of closeness that we were both fighting to keep, or bring back.

"Maybe we can be best friends again." I shrugged a shoulder. "I don't know."

It depended on so many things and one of the biggest obstacles seemed to be our significant others. My thoughts went on Dylan and I sighed low, closing my eyes. He was away and he trusted in me. What would he say if he saw me, laying in the dark with my ex boyfriend? Would that hurt him? Would he start doubting us?

"We can if we want to."

I starting nibbling on the inside of my cheek as my mind kept running. I thought about Niall's girlfriend and how jealous I was of her... how jealous i've always been of her. When he told me she wasn't there when I called, I felt a relief invade me but also something else that I couldn't seem to define. It's only when he explained that she was gone for the weekend that I felt something break inside me. For some odd reason, I sort of had convinced myself that he had broken up with her after our almost-kiss, and finding out he hadn't made me sadder than I thought it would.

"It's not that easy." I confessed in a whisper, letting my thumb run on the top of his hand. I should take my hand back and not touch him but I wasn't strong enough. "No one will ever see us as only friends. No one will ever believe there's nothing between us. Heidi and Dylan will always have doubts about us and honestly, can you blame them?"

"I can't blame them because I know there's something between us. You feel it too, right?"

I felt it. I really did. I felt it deep inside, in every pore of my skin, in every fucking bone of my body. I felt it pierce my heart, linger around my soul, form a lump in my throat. Fuck yes i felt it.

"Niall, I-"

"I just want to hold you tonight." he let out quickly, cutting me. "Just spooning, like we used to. I won't touch you. I won't try anything. Just you, sleeping in my arms."

I stared at him, now that I could see him better in the darkness and I could swear I saw begging in his eyes. I could swear I saw a need that he couldn't explain, and the problem was, I felt the exact same way. What was cheating based on? Was it based on emotions or only on actions? If I had feelings for Niall but never did anything sexual with him, was I still cheating? I couldn't control my emotions but I could control my actions. Should I marry a man I love if i'm in love with an other man? Should I just cut all ties with Niall and try to forget him?

I swallowed hard, trying not to tear up at the realization that I would never be completely happy if Niall was around but we weren't together. I was fucked, I knew it. I just didn't know what I wanted because clearly, I was not ready to let go of him, not now that he was finally back in my life, even if it made such a mess of me.

"Okay."

I breathed in and turned around, feeling his arms wrap around me quickly. He pulled me closer and brought the blankets over us. I felt the warmth of his chest on my back and his breath in my neck and he moved his legs to press them against mine. I felt his crotch press on my ass for a few seconds but he moved slightly away and I thanked him mentally, knowing I wouldn't have had the guts to do it myself.

I felt safe in his arms, the way I always did. I felt good like nothing had changed between us, like I could trust him the way I used to trust him. It was a lie though, an illusion. It had to be.

"Goodnight, Nee." I let out low, scared that my voice would crack.

"Goodnight, petal."

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan story #niall horan writing #my fanfics #yam #more about the next day in next chapter :)

[calumcest]

you and i were fireworks that went off too soon - chapter seven

[ao3]

did i just pull this entire chapter out of my arse tonight? maybe! not that i don’t write these chapters all in one sitting at like 9pm-1am every single time don’t get it twisted i’m not organised i am a binge-writer

i always do my long ass a/ns on ao3 i dont know why feels more REVEALING to do them here because i know people actually read them and i think probably one person on the whole planet has ever read my ao3 a/ns its a safe haven so i’m just going to say my brief thank yous: thank you to @clumsyclifford for literally everything you do always, thank you to @ashesonthefloor for listening too me bitch about this fic and having the most wonderful thoughts and ideas about it, thank you to @kaleidoscopeminds for motivating me to keep writing this fic w your kind words, thank you to @allsassnoclass for always being so wise and understanding of authors dilemmas and encouraging me w your lovely words, and thank you to my spoiler anon for being so lovely about this fic and holyverse and also for asking about another chapter because i swear to u i would have kept putting it off were it not for u. also big thank you to noel and liam gallagher for writing the SMASH hits i wrote this entire chapter to and for being [redacted] and also to richard madden because i just fancy him and feel like i should thank him for existing and allowing me to perceive him 

It’s a twin room, thank God, because Luke would have rather slept in the hallway than shared a bed with Ashton for four weeks. 

“I’m taking the window bed,” he announces, before Ashton has a chance to say anything, out of pure spite, because he knows Ashton likes sleeping by the window. Or knew, maybe. He’s not sure anymore. 

Ashton opens and then closes his mouth, nods curtly, and puts his carry-on bag on the bed nearest the bathroom. Luke puts Clifford down on the bed first, muttering at him to stop fucking yapping (which Clifford, of course, ignores), and then drops his suitcases next to it with a sigh. 

“So,” Ashton says, and his voice fills the entire room, too loud and too much, a jarring reminder that Ashton’s here, in Luke’s space, and Luke’s got no option but to live with it. “Should we go out?” Luke blinks at him. 

“What?” he says. 

“Well,” Ashton says, with an uncomfortable shrug. “Study doesn’t start ‘til tomorrow, and it’s only nine. Thought we could spend the day exploring?” Luke stares at him. 

“Think I’d rather spend my last day of freedom alone,” he says, a little harshly. Ashton blinks, and Luke doesn’t miss the flash of hurt that crosses his face, but then he nods again. 

“Have you still got my UK number?” he says, and Luke hesitates, and then nods. He’s not sure why it feels like he’s giving something away by admitting that he’d never deleted Ashton’s numbers; he’d been the one to text Ashton about the tattoos first, so clearly Ashton already knows that Luke still had his Australian number, at least. “Well. Text me if you need anything?” 

“Don’t think I’ll need anything,” Luke says, and Ashton sighs, and Luke feels a little small, a little stupid, like Ashton’s a patient parent putting up with a melodramatic teenager. 

“I’m going to head off, then,” Ashton says, a touch awkwardly, and Luke just nods, busying himself with getting Clifford out of his travel cage, thinking he’ll ask at reception for directions to the nearest park and let Clifford stretch his legs. He steadfastly doesn’t look at Ashton as Ashton gathers his things together, patting his coat pocket to make sure he’s got everything, and then slips out of the room, door clicking shut behind him. 

As soon as Ashton’s left, Luke suddenly feels simultaneously relieved and overwhelmed. He feels like he can breathe a little easier, think a little clearer without Ashton in his personal space, making him feel like he has to be alert, on edge, but the hotel room feels strangely empty without him. Luke shakes his head, tries to get the latter thought out of his mind, focusing on Clifford’s insistent yaps to draw him back to reality and distract him. 

“Alright, little man, we’re going,” Luke mutters, fumbling around in his bag for Clifford’s lead. Clifford jumps around at his feet, already panting, and Luke rolls his eyes, clips the lead on, checks he’s got his room key and phone in his pocket and heads out of the room. 

He decides to take the stairs, since he doesn’t think Clifford’s got the patience to wait for the lift, which proves to be the right decision when Clifford’s straining at his lead trying to bound down the stairs, giving Luke reproachful looks whenever he tugs him back. They’re only on the second floor, so it’s not long before Luke’s back in the lobby, and Clifford finally pulls himself together and trots smartly at Luke’s heel, giving other people milling in the area imperious looks as they pass. 

“Hi,” Luke says, and the receptionist smiles politely up at him. “I’d like to walk my dog. Can you tell me where the nearest park is?” She nods. 

“Of course, sir,” she says, and pulls out a brochure. Luke mentally pinches the bridge of his nose. He’s going to look like a massive fucking tourist walking around with one of those. He’ll be lucky if he doesn’t get mugged. 

“You just need to turn left out of the hotel, take a right at the end of the road, take the second left after that, take two rights, and you’ll be at the park,” she says, trailing her pen across the streets and ending it with a flourish, circling a rectangle of green on the map and smiling at him again. Luke smiles back, having taken absolutely none of that in, thanks her, pockets the map and decides he’ll probably just walk around the nearby backstreets for a while until Clifford’s worn out to lower his chances of getting lost. 

Clifford, it turns out, is surprisingly tired, having apparently spent all of his energy on pestering Luke to take him out. He only manages about half an hour of walking up and down a few streets around the hotel before he’s flagging, sitting down and staring up at Luke beseechingly when Luke tries to pull him along. A passing couple throw Luke an amused look and titter to themselves, and Luke sighs. 

“C’mon, little man,” he says, tugging again. Clifford refuses to budge, just stares up at Luke with a look that Luke knows all too well. “Come on, Cliff, you’re embarrassing me. It’s two streets away. You can walk that far.” Clifford stays put, and Luke rolls his eyes, but bends down and scoops Clifford up into his arms. Clifford immediately nuzzles into Luke happily, licking at his neck, and Luke pulls back, wrinkling his nose. “Gross, Cliff, don’t do that.” 

Luke pretty much speedwalks back to the hotel because little though Clifford is, he’s surprisingly heavy after a while, and Luke’s much weaker than he looks. He throws the receptionist a polite smile on his way back up to the room, unclips Clifford from the lead as soon as he’s in there and rummages around in one of his suitcases for the bed Michael had shoved on top of all of Luke’s warmest clothes. Clifford watches him patiently, and hops into the bed as soon as Luke’s unfolded it, curls up and closes his eyes. Luke can’t help but smile fondly down at him, bending down to press a kiss to the top of Clifford’s head and scratching behind his ears. 

“I’m going to go out again, little man,” he tells Clifford. “I’ll be back to give you your dinner, though.” Clifford just sniffs, which Luke takes to mean ‘yeah, sure, now fuck off and let me sleep’, and Luke straightens again, throws Clifford one final fond look and heads back out of the room, shutting the door softly behind him. 

He decides it’s probably fine if he wanders aimlessly, since the brochure in his pocket has the name of the hotel on it and Michael had paid for his phone plan to cover the UK for six weeks so he can look it up when he inevitably gets lost. Having spent half an hour in the streets surrounding the hotel already, he decides to get on the tube and head somewhere new, picking a stop name he recognises - Leicester Square sounds vaguely familiar. 

Leicester Square, it turns out, sounds familiar because it’s a tourist hotspot. Luke’s ducking and weaving between people, mumbling apologies as he slips through gaps that he doesn’t actually fit through and splits up groups (but seriously, he thinks, slightly irritated as he smiles politely, who the fuck walks in a row of five?). There are countless little side alleys and back roads leading off the main street, but even those are difficult to walk through, filled with the native Londoners who know their way through the labyrinth of twisting streets and know better than to be anywhere near Leicester Square in the first place. 

Eventually, half to get out of the crowds and half because he’s actually pretty hungry, Luke ducks into a Costa and buys himself a ham and cheese toastie, balking at the price when the cashier rings it up. Five fucking pounds, what’s that, ten dollars? For one sandwich? Fucking hell. He’s definitely going to be demanding those reimbursements from the university. 

He’s waiting for his sandwich to come out of the toaster, only two baristas serving a queue of at least twenty, when someone taps him on the shoulder a little tentatively, making him jump. He whips around, wondering whether he’s in the way or something, and comes face to face with-

Ashton. 

“Are you serious?” he demands, before he can think about it. Ashton shrugs, and looks a little uncomfortable. “Are you following me?” 

“I was already here,” Ashton says. “I’ve got a table.” He waves his hand in the directions of an empty table in the far corner, and Luke can see Ashton’s coat bunched up on one of the chairs. 

“Oh,” Luke says. Ashton gives him a look, simultaneously sad and calculating, and for a brief moment, Luke thinks fuck, his eyes are pretty. Jesus Christ. Maybe he should have stayed at the hotel and napped. 

“D’you want to sit with me?” Ashton says. Luke hesitates - not particularly , is the first petulant thought to cross his mind, before his rational side kicks in and tells him sleepily that he won’t find a seat anywhere else - and then nods. 

“Ham and cheese toastie?” the barista calls, and Luke steps forwards, takes it from her hand and heads wordlessly in the direction of Ashton’s table, Ashton in tow. 

“Sorry,” Ashton says, when Luke picks up Ashton’s coat off the seat and holds it out for him. He takes it from Luke and his finger brushes against Luke’s, and something like liquid gold rushes through Luke, making him giddy from head to toe. It’s the sleeplessness, he tells himself, averting his gaze and snatching his hand away. God knows he’s felt even more unexplainable things on the same amount of sleep. 

“‘S alright,” Luke says, sitting down to avoid thinking about the warmth of Ashton’s finger brushing against his own and the way his finger is still burning from the contact. “You didn’t know I was going to be here.” Ashton hesitates, and then busies himself with tucking his coat behind him, like he’s looking for something to do that isn’t stare across the table at Luke. Luke’s not going to complain about that, and takes a bite out of the first half of the toastie so he won’t have to say anything else. 

They sit in silence for a moment, Luke eating his toastie, Ashton fiddling with the bracelet on his left hand. The silence is uncomfortable, oppressive, and Luke kind of wishes he’d just sat on the fucking floor or something. Nothing makes him wish that more, though, than when Ashton opens his mouth and says: “I wondered.” 

Luke swallows his last bite of toastie with a frown. 

“You wondered what?” he says. Ashton shrugs, tension and discomfort visible in the movement. 

“I wondered whether we’d bump into each other,” he says. Luke rolls his eyes. 

“Not this again,” he mutters, but it’s more tired than anything. Ashton sighs, and drops his hands onto the table. 

“Look,” he says carefully. “I don’t think us bumping into each other all the time is a coincidence.” 

“Fucking hell,” Luke says, but there’s no heat behind the words. He digs the heels of his palms into his eyes and squeezes them shut. He’s too fucking tired for this.  

“Luke,” Ashton says, like Luke’s being unreasonable. “We’ve lived in the same city for years-” Luke opens his mouth to interrupt, because Ashton was always away half the time when they were together, and he can’t imagine that’s changed much “-okay, on-off, because I’m in LA sometimes - but we’ve not once bumped into each other. Then we get the tattoos, and suddenly I’m seeing you every other week?” 

“What’s your point?” Luke says, a little irritably. “You think this is some grand plan from the universe to make us fall back in love? What, I’m Cathy, you’re Heathcliff?” Ashton bites his lip, and Luke’s mouth twists bitterly in a humourless smile. “This isn’t fucking romantic, Ashton. You leaving me was-” he cuts himself off. He’s not quite ready to tell Ashton that , yet. “Awful,” he says, eventually. “This isn’t part of some, like, big romantic redemption arc for you. You fucked up, and you fucked me over, and we’ve just got to find some way to live with the tattoos. That’s why we’re both here, isn’t it?” Ashton’s silent for a moment, and if Luke’s not mistaken, looks a little paler than he had a minute ago, and then nods. 

“Can we at least be civil?” Ashton says, and then, seeing the look on Luke’s face, adds: “We’re stuck together for four weeks, Luke. I know you don’t like me, and I’m not asking for- for friendship, or anything. I’m just asking for you to be civil with me.” Luke exhales heavily. 

“Fine,” he says tiredly, before he has the chance to think too much about it. “Civil.” 

“Civil,” Ashton agrees. 

(Luke’s pretty sure civil doesn’t involve thinking God, I’d forgotten how long his eyelashes are, and the way you can see a hint of his dimple when he speaks, but he’s also pretty sure that’s entirely to do with the exhaustion, and nothing to do with him.) 

  -------

  Ashton talks Luke into going down to the Houses of Parliament, with a combination of a sincere look on his face, big, serious eyes as he says look, we don’t want to risk another bumping-into-each-other tattoo, and it’ll just be civil, and the fact that Luke just doesn’t have the energy to argue. Plus, he thinks, Ashton seems to know where he’s going, and Luke had forgotten to take his charger with him so he’s kind of fucked if he gets lost. 

The walk down from Costa to the Houses of Parliament is only about twenty minutes, but feels so much fucking longer, both of them all too aware of the awkward silence hanging between them, amplified by the noise of the city surrounding them. They walk through Trafalgar Square, and Ashton tells Luke something about art installations and the fourth plinth and Luke just nods along, trying his best to do this whole civil thing by quelling his instinct to snap I don’t fucking know what a plinth is and you know full fucking well I don’t care about art. Ashton seems to sense it from him anyway, though, because he falters and then says, with an uncomfortable laugh, “You probably don’t care about this anyway.” 

“Not really,” Luke admits, because they’d said civil, not dishonest. Ashton smiles wryly, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. 

“Sorry,” he says, and Luke just hums, and they fall back into an awkward silence. 

It’s easier, Luke finds, when a man in a suit shoulders into him and keeps walking without so much as a mumbled apology and Ashton turns to him, outraged, and says Londoners really are cunts, if they interact with each other through their surroundings. Talking about people, things, even the fucking weather, adds a sheen of superficiality, a layer of removal that they can both look at and pretend there’s nothing more to it, no years of hurt and pain bubbling beneath the surface. 

“How is it this sunny yet this cold?” Luke grumbles, shielding his eyes and squinting up at Big Ben. 

“You should be here in April,” Ashton says, stabbing the button at the traffic light repeatedly. 

“I’ve got no intentions of being here any longer than I have to be,” Luke mutters. “What are we looking at, again?” 

“It’s parliament, Luke,” Ashton says, like that’s supposed to mean something to Luke. 

“So?” Luke says. “We’ve got a parliament.” 

“And? Have you ever seen it?” Ashton says shrewdly, and Luke scowls, biting back the scathing retort on the tip of his tongue. Civil and Ashton are two concepts that he assumes will take a while to marry in his mind. 

“Whatever,” he says, stepping out into the road as the light turns green. “Just don’t get why I’m supposed to care about some random country’s government, is all.” Ashton doesn’t seem to have anything to say to that, jogging to catch up with Luke, and they walk the rest of the distance to the buildings in silence. 

It’s quite imposing, Luke thinks, up close. The buildings are sort of dirty - or maybe they’re meant to look like that - and incredibly intricate, bordering on fussy. It towers over them, looking more like a palace than a place of governance, Big Ben casting a long shadow across the road. He’s not sure he’d want to be governed from this place.

“I don’t like it,” he says. 

“Really?” Ashton says, squinting up at the buildings. “I think it’s kind of pretty.” You would, Luke thinks darkly. Old, ornate and overcomplicated? That’s exactly the kind of thing Ashton would get excited about and find unwarranted symbolism in. 

“Yeah, well,” Luke says instead, because he’s pretty sure that thought doesn’t count as civil. “Think it’s just a bit too elaborate.” 

“It’s Gothic Revival,” Ashton says, like Luke’s supposed to have a single fucking clue what that means. Actually, Luke thinks bitterly, he’s probably fully aware that Luke doesn’t have any idea what that means, and is hoping Luke will take the bait and ask so Ashton can demonstrate his massive intellect, or whatever. 

“Right,” Luke says, a little shortly. Ashton glances at him, looking a touch taken aback, but then looks back at the buildings. 

“We can go somewhere else,” he says, and it’s an offer. An olive branch. 

“Yeah,” Luke says, because annoyance at not knowing anything about architectural styles aside, looking at an old building is just pretty fucking boring. 

“There’s an aquarium not too far away,” Ashton says. “I remember you-” he stops himself, and Luke swallows. Yeah. He loves aquariums. He loves them so much that Ashton had taken him to the Sydney Aquarium for their third anniversary, a month or two before he’d broken up with Luke. 

(Two months on the dot. Not that Luke has both dates seared into his mind, or anything.) 

“Yeah,” Luke says again, to fill the silence of both of them thinking back to that day. “Let’s go to the aquarium.” Ashton hesitates, and glances at Luke like he wants to say something else, a sort of semi-pained expression on his face, and then he sighs, shakes his head, and throws Luke a tight smile. 

“Let’s go to the aquarium,” he agrees. 

  -------

  The aquarium, it turns out, is a much better choice. 

Despite the odd screaming child, the aquarium has a calming silence to it, an almost pensive quiet that pierces to the depths of Luke’s soul. It settles the air between him and Ashton, means they’re not silent for lack of civil things to say, but rather because they’re both caught up in the muted beauty of the ocean. 

They don’t walk together, because Ashton likes to pore over every single placard and study every creature in minute detail and Luke’s drawn to the pretty, colourful fish. It’s Luke, though, who’s always the last to move on, and Ashton waits for him before they head to the next room. It’s almost nice, Luke thinks, as he heads for the door and sees Ashton slip through it when he sees Luke’s ready to move on, that they don’t have to have awkward conversations about it, that they can just understand and fall into it. 

(He tries not to think about why.) 

They spend hours in the aquarium, dawdling in every room, because they spent so much fucking money on it and they’re both going to be damned if they won’t milk it for all it’s worth. Luke spends an extra long time looking at the clownfish, for some reason, hypnotised by the way they can weave in and out of the anemones. There’s some kind of symbolism to be found there, he thinks, something about toxicity and safety, but he’s too tired to come up with it himself. Ashton would probably correct him if he tried, anyway. 

Ashton’s particularly taken by the sharks, it turns out. He’s already staring at the huge tank in awe when Luke gets into the room, barely even blinking as his eyes follow one shark after the other. The room itself is dark, like the rest of the aquarium, but the tank’s so huge that Ashton’s bathed in light, rippling and shimmering and Luke, for the briefest of moments, feels something sharp stab at his heart, something he remembers feeling the last time he’d stood in an aquarium with Ashton. It makes his stomach clench, twist in on itself, because he knows exactly what he’d identified that feeling as before. 

“They’re fucking beautiful, aren’t they?” Ashton says, interrupting Luke’s train of thought before it can take the leap off the cliff edge of panic, and Luke looks up at the sharks. 

“I guess?” he says, because he doesn’t really see it. 

“You used to like them,” Ashton says, sounding a little surprised. 

“I used to like a lot of things,” Luke says. I used to like you, he adds spitefully in his head, and sort of hopes Ashton’s telepathic. 

“Guess I’ve got to get to know you again,” Ashton says, and it’s a little wistful, a little sad. Luke doesn’t say anything, because he doesn’t know what would sum up I’m not sure I want you to, I don’t think I’ll give you a chance and Good fucking luck in a civil way. 

They stand there for a while, watching the sharks, and people filter in and out of the room behind them. It feels oddly hypnotic, being stood there with Ashton, the only two static parts of a moving whole. He wonders if the sharks feel the same, swimming aimlessly in their tank, watching the world pass by and powerless to move with it. 

“I’m sorry,” Ashton says quietly, after at least ten minutes have passed. It’s so quiet that Luke thinks he might have misheard it - maybe it was the family behind them, or just the sound of the tank - but he can sense Ashton stiffen next to him, like he’s preparing for backlash of some sort. 

“What?” Luke says, just to make sure he’s heard right. 

“I’m sorry,” Ashton repeats. Luke pauses, waiting for Ashton to elaborate, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t really have to, though, Luke finds, because he knows what Ashton means. 

“I know,” Luke says eventually. Ashton swallows, but says nothing, just carries on gazing at the sharks, but out of the corner of his eye Luke can see that Ashton’s gaze is fixed now, not following the sharks around.

They stand in silence until an announcement blares through the system telling them that the aquarium is closing soon, making them both jump. 

“What time is it?” Luke asks, just for something to say. 

“Uh,” Ashton says, pulling his phone out. “Five.” Fucking hell. It feels much later than that. “Do you want to go back to the hotel?” Ashton adds, like he knows what Luke’s thinking. Luke nods. 

“I’m fucking exhausted,” he admits, as they head back up the steps away from the sharks and towards the exit. 

“Me too,” Ashton says. “I wanted to stay up until at least ten, but…” he trails off, stifling a yawn, and Luke can’t help but snort. Ashton smiles, small but genuine. “Fuck off,” he says, but it’s good-natured. 

“Yeah,” Luke says, as they traipse out into the little shop. “Think I’m just going to crash when we get back.” Ashton nods, pushing open the door to the exit. Luke’s expecting the glare of brilliant sunlight to hit him, squints in preparation for the onslaught of light, but it’s pitch fucking black. 

“What the fuck?” he says, sounding kind of perplexed and kind of outraged. 

“What?” Ashton says. Luke gestures up at the sky with one hand, and uses the other to pull his coat in closer towards himself, because fucking hell, it’s freezing.  

“It’s five o’clock,” he says. Ashton looks up at the sky, and then at him, an amused expression on his face. 

“Wrong hemisphere,” he says, and Luke rolls his eyes. 

“Fucking miserable place,” Luke grumbles, tucking his arms in and huddling in on himself. “No wonder they invaded the rest of the fucking world, Jesus. I wouldn’t want to stay here either.” Ashton says nothing, but when they pass under a streetlight, Luke sees the corners of his lips tilted upwards, and something warm and pleasant spreads from his stomach outwards. 

“D’you actually know where you’re going?” he asks, when Ashton takes a sharp right turn onto a bridge. 

“Of course I know,” Ashton says, in that infuriating, I’m-Ashton-Irwin-and-I’m-an-intellectual manner that Luke had never liked. Luke rolls his eyes, not entirely playfully, and jogs to keep up with him. 

Ashton leads them across the bridge, past the parliament buildings again, up a long road that a lot of people are ambling down, and then cuts into a small alley on the right. 

“You definitely don’t fucking know where you’re going,” Luke says, standing at the mouth of the road, something uneasy in his stomach. “I’m not going down here.” 

“I know where I’m going,” Ashton says. 

“Where are you going?” Luke says sceptically. 

“Charing Cross.” 

“Why is that down an alleyway?” 

“It’s just a shortcut.” Luke stares at him, narrowing his eyes. 

“Why can’t we walk on the main road?” he asks, because it feels right. Something about the alleyway feels wrong. 

“We can,” Ashton says. “But it’ll take longer.” Luke makes no indications of moving, and Ashton sighs, and it’s tinged with sadness. “Come on, Luke, are you serious? You think I’m going to, what, murder you in an alley in London?” Well. Not specifically, but something’s telling Luke not to follow Ashton into that alley. Much more than that, it’s telling him not to let Ashton into that alley, but Luke’s trying to ignore that part of it. 

“I just don’t want to go that way,” Luke says stubbornly. “Let’s just go on the main road.” 

“It’ll take much longer that way,” Ashton says. 

“I don’t care,” Luke says. “We’re not exactly fucking wanting for time, are we?” Ashton takes a step further into the alleyway, almost out of Luke’s line of vision. 

“Come on , Luke,” he says, and takes another step, and Luke’s stomach tightens uncomfortably as he does. 

“Don’t,” Luke says, before he can stop himself. 

“Why?” Ashton says, sounding exasperated. “Look, the longer you stand here arguing, the longer it’ll take us either way.” 

“I’m taking the main road,” Luke says. “Just- let’s fucking walk on the main road.” 

“You don’t even know the way,” Ashton says. “I know the way.” 

“I’m not going that way.” Even in the darkness and despite the distance, Luke can see Ashton roll his eyes. 

“There’s nothing fucking down here, Luke,” Ashton calls, taking another step into the alleyway, and Luke edges forwards without even thinking about it, needing to keep Ashton in sight. It’s not really working, though, because Ashton’s walking further in and Luke’s at an angle to the alleyway, and it’s making him panic a little.

“Don’t fucking go down there,” Luke says, through gritted teeth. “Ashton, seriously. Just fucking come on the main road with me.” 

“What’s your problem?” Ashton says, and even though he sounds genuinely surprised and curious, it makes a flash of anger flare up in Luke. 

“Can you stop being a cunt for, like, two fucking minutes?” he bites out. 

“Luke, I-” Ashton cuts himself off with a shout, and the anger’s gone, replaced with pure fucking fear and panic and protect protect protect running through Luke’s mind, and Luke’s barely even aware of his surroundings as he takes off, sprinting as fast as he can to the alleyway, getting to the entrance to it just as Ashton comes running out, wild-eyed. He doesn’t stop or say anything, just grabs Luke’s hand as he passes and tugs him hard in the opposite direction. They run to the main road, Luke’s heart pounding in a way that definitely isn’t just from the exercise, and then they run up it, and they don’t stop running until they’re outside the station. Luke doesn’t even realise that they’re still holding hands until Ashton drops his hand to lean on his knees, panting, hair completely windswept as it falls into his eyes. 

“What the fuck was that?” Luke spits, fury beginning to set in between the racing heartbeats and gasped breaths. 

“Someone fucking-” Ashton waves a hand, like it’s going to explain what ‘someone’ did. It doesn’t fucking matter, because those two words alone are enough to make Luke’s heart tighten, to make his stomach clench

“I fucking said-”

“I know, but it’s fucking five p.m., and I always go that way-”

“I told you-”

“I know, Luke,” Ashton says, breathing almost back to normal, and he straightens and gives Luke a look that looks almost sad. “Why d’you think that was?” 

“Why do I- are you fucking insane? Because it’s a creepy fucking alleyway? Anyone would fucking know not to go down there!” Luke says, throwing his hands in the air. 

“You were so fucking adamant,” Ashton says. 

“Yeah, and if you’d fucking listened-” 

“Luke,” Ashton interrupts. “I didn’t sense fucking anything.” Luke stops.

“Are you trying to say this is another fucking soulmate experience?” he says. “We don’t have three. Most people don’t even have one. ” 

“No,” Ashton says. “I think it’s the same one. The first one. The protecting one.” 

Oh. 

Oh.  

It’s kind of a blur already, even though it’s only been like, three minutes, but Luke remembers the haze of protect protect protect that clouded every single other one of his thoughts, that stopped anything and everything else - including his own safety - from mattering, that made him move without even thinking, running straight fucking into the alleyway he’d been so uneasy about because nothing mattered more than Ashton. 

“Fuck,” he says, and Ashton nods grimly. 

“Yeah,” he says. Neither of them need to say didn’t realise it went both ways, because it’s both written clearly across their faces. 

“You got this on the fucking phone?” Luke can’t help but ask. 

“Yeah,” Ashton says again. Luke rakes a hand through his hair, trying to organise his thoughts. All he can really focus on is the what the fuck and Jesus Christ and fucking hell swirling around in a mess in his mind. 

“Well,” he says. “Shit.” Ashton huffs out a shaky laugh, raises his eyebrows, and nods, and Luke thinks that about sums it up. 

  -------

  They don’t talk much on the journey back to the hotel. Luke snipes at Ashton when Ashton tries to show him how to use his contactless card on the barriers, because he’d much rather use a paper ticket, thank you very fucking much, and Ashton calls Luke back when he heads down the wrong escalator. Luke asks once what their stop is and nods when Ashton answers him, and then they don’t speak again until they’re in the safety of the brightly-lit hotel lobby. 

Luke’s not entirely sure how to take the silence between them in the lift up to the second floor. It still feels awkward, stilted, uncomfortable, but there’s something grander now, something bigger than the both of them that they can both feel but neither of them want to acknowledge. 

Luke fusses over Clifford when they get back into the hotel room, pulls out the pack of dog food he’d brought with him because he hadn’t been sure what brands the UK would have, and Clifford munches his dinner happily while Luke carefully removes his coat and plugs his phone in to charge, not looking at Ashton. It feels overcrowded, even though the room is made for two people and certainly big enough to accommodate both of them. 

He takes his time washing up Clifford’s bowl, refilling his water, but Clifford seems perfectly content to doze back off to sleep after his meal, leaving Luke with nothing to do but think about how fucking tired he actually is. 

“I think I might sleep,” he says, even though he doesn’t really have to announce it to Ashton. Ashton looks up from where he is on his bed, book in his hand, and nods. 

“I think I might too,” he says. “Do you want the bathroom first?” Luke blinks at him. 

“Oh,” he says. “Uh. Yeah. Thanks.” Ashton nods, and turns back to his book, but when Luke turns his back to get his things out of his still-packed suitcase, he can feel Ashton’s eyes on him. 

He makes quick work of putting his pyjamas on and brushing his teeth, only hesitating with his hand on the bathroom door handle to leave as he throws a quick glance at himself in the mirror, because he looks so fucking disarmed in his pyjamas, so strangely small and vulnerable. Whatever, he thinks, forcing himself to push the door open, because what the fuck else is he going to do, sleep in the bathroom? 

“Bathroom’s free,” he says, because it feels like what he should say, turning his back to Ashton and making a show out of putting his clothes in his suitcase. He should probably just unpack it, he thinks - he is going to be here for four weeks, after all - but not tonight. He’s too fucking tired for that. 

“Thanks,” Ashton says, and Luke hears the sound of a book closing and then feet shuffling as Ashton heads for the bathroom. He waits for the door to click shut behind him before tucking himself into bed, drawing the duvet close to his chin to try and keep the cold out. Why the fuck is it so cold in England, seriously? 

Ashton doesn’t take long, or maybe Luke falls into microsleep, or something, because it feels like it’s about two seconds before he’s coming out of the bathroom, placing his clothes on the chair opposite his bed, and getting into bed. He’s got plaid pyjama bottoms and a casual t-shirt on, and he looks just as disarmed and vulnerable as Luke had in the mirror, which makes Luke feel simultaneously better and worse. 

“Can I turn the light off?” Ashton asks, and Luke nods. Ashton reaches over, clicks the light switch, and they’re plunged into darkness. 

“Night,” Ashton says after a moment, and there’s a shuffling sound from his bed. 

“Night,” Luke says, suddenly wide awake. He rolls onto his side and stares at the wall opposite him, willing the exhaustion that he’s felt all day to return. Even if he hadn’t slept, like, three fucking hours, he should be tired; it’s the middle of the night in Sydney. 

He feels the time passing, times it by Ashton’s shuffling and Clifford’s even breathing and the noises from the street outside, and he’s sure it’s been at least an hour before there’s what sounds like Ashton flopping onto his back and sighing. 

“Are you awake?” he whispers. Luke debates saying nothing, but knows if he evens his breathing out now it’s going to be pretty fucking obvious he wasn’t. 

“Yeah,” he says, a little reluctantly. 

“I can’t sleep,” Ashton says. 

“Me either.” There’s a moment of silence, and then Ashton says- 

“We could push the beds together?” Luke squeezes his eyes shut, and Ashton takes the silence as hesitation. “Just for tonight. We’d sleep much better, and we probably need it for tomorrow.” 

“No,” Luke says. Civil is one thing, but spending an entire night pressed up against Ashton? That’s something else entirely. 

“Luke, I-” 

“Ashton, I said no.” Ashton’s silent for a moment, and then sighs. 

“Okay,” he says, and it sounds a little small. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to, like. Push.” Luke inhales deeply, exhales heavily, and rolls onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. 

“It’s fine,” he says. 

Ashton says nothing, but Luke doesn’t hear his breathing even out until Luke himself falls into an uneasy, dreamless sleep, and when he wakes up in the morning, exhausted and grumpy, Ashton’s staring up at the ceiling again (or maybe still).

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#lashton #malum #5sos fic #5sos fanfiction #5sos fanfic #i am so exhausted i am gonna answer messages tomorrow i'm so sorry #but i hve seen and appreciate all of them and i LOVE each and every one of u #and i do not deserve any of u #u are all so lovely and sweet to me and then in return i give u This #hmm...helen is cancelled #its confirmed

[irregulardiaryposts]

23:28 11/05/2021

sooooo uhhhhh,, its chewsday innit.i have no idea what my life is anymore. like what do i even do?? i have no idea how i would describe myself to someone else and thats sort scary yk. like how am i supposed to like myself if i dont know who i am? n e way enough existentialismmmmmm ice gotten more unconditional uni offers which im dead proud of like who wouldve thought I wouldve been able to do this. if only i couldve seen myself like 4 years ago i would be shocked. i mean most of it would make sense but like i didnt even think id live this long tbh. i dont think about that enough the fact i couldnt see myself getting older and doing 'grown uo things' because i thought i would never get through the present. that sounds real sad wow. 

lets talk about something else, perhaps how i believe myself to be far too impulsive for my own good and never thinking anything through twice. like ive just tried to revamp my whole room coz i was unhappy with it. i tried to chalk it up to just wanting a better desk and suddenly ive thrown away half my furniture and my room looks empty affff. but its ok since it already looks kinda better everything's cleaner now too. 

i went into my backgarden today and i picked all the uhhh my laptop almost died on me there i realised my things at full brightness anyway yes i went and picked the uh dandelions? the yellow chucky ones and some daisies and i made some flower chains and stuff and hung them in my room even though theyre gonna die idrc becuase they still look kinda cute, i keep patching my uni prep class becuase icba going but i still need to set up student loans and shit and actually confirm my choice for uni too omfg so much work and also need to start teaching msyelf the theory sruff for my driving thingytghing 

i was just looking back at another post before i started typing this and i was talking about how i dont really espress myself all too well through my apppearance and things i can personalise to me and i feel like ive gotten a lot better at that coz i recently chucked away a lot of clothes i dont wear and my mum bought me new stuff and im dead chuffed coz im far more confident in them and theyre far more comfy too :) ive also stopped wearing bras with wires and padding in them coz fuck all that shit i no longer care if people see my nipples becuase its not worth the actual pain from and improperly fitting bra which all of them are on me ............................................  

ive been listening to some NEW music lately just from my discover weekly stuff and its been pretty fuckign spot on with the shit i wanna listen to but i wish itd let me save each week as like a diff playlist but ive just been adding my favs to my other playlists feel like ive been piecing myself together bit by bit after not having the right pieces for years. 

anyway future me or whoever listen to 'them changes' by thunder someone or other because i think im a little bit obssesed atm hehehehehhehehehesjnjndkb LJBSCLVJBs jbs c' CKJBDKjkbckj  sh. i feel a bit like a fraud tho ngl like as tho im waiting for the other shoe to drop and find out im actaully lying about being a functioning human being for longer than like 5 days in the past 3/4 years. did that make sense idk im justsaying i feel a bit fake and that next time i feel a bit d y s f u n c t i o n a l its gonna hit really fucking hard and its gonna take a lot to get over it idk maybe im just being pessimistic or smth have a tendency to do that. 

also ive completely given up with school i have less than a month left and i cannot be fucked doing any more work than is necessary to pass ie only doing the test things and pretending to know what im doing in class no studying no homework none of that bs i would rather break my toes ..  

ive wrote like 3800 characters thats like maybe 800 words isssshhh idk man considering ive wrote w shit like wbsihizjbk ziSJNlcjb alknfbv ajn jankbdv. you know , . i dont really know what im rambing about anymore nothing has realliy progressed that much do idk what to say ill come back maybe when im at uni :O beye

#this is the most incomprehensivle shit ive eveer written #who lets me do this' #i do i do this #tags are so fun what the heck' #jhbk SD CJSK #im looking at all the typos in this and i feel absolutely no shame #my keyboad simple doenst understand my dancing fingers #anyway gn #also additional little thing at 00.01 i found out today that p!nk and pink floyd are NOT th e same thing #hi future me here to fix typos turns out i Do in fact Feel Shame #anyway #may 2021 entry #2021 the year of fun

[hazelenergy]

What happened that final night.

One year ago today was my last Elysium in Atlanta. And in a mere 48 hours, I will have betrayed and killed my adoptive sire, blood bonded myself to the wild sister of two famous Malkavians, and lost two people I loved. 

A few days prior to this night was the beginning of the end. A bloodhunt was called in Atlanta. Not for me. Not for the other thinbloods. A salubri had entered the city. Our adoptive sire, Mary Andrews and primogen of the Tremere (and the only Tremere in the city..I dont know actually why she was alone but I have theories) ordered her children, myself and my two shovelheaded broodmates to bring this man to her alive. We complied. At first. 

Solomon had been working closely with Reverend Clancy, the primogen of Clan Brujah. We never knew Solomon’s bloodline, but he vibed with the righteous and nonviolent nature of Clancy’s leadership. Clancy told us the other half of the history of clan Tremere and the Salubri. We were devastated. And now our adoptive sire wanted this man and would probably experiment on him like she did to us. And it would be worse. He can heal. He’d be able to endure what she did to us. So Clancy asked us, two lowly thinbloods, to help him and his clan free this man and get him out of the city. We said yes without questioning the consequences. 

Long story short we put our ability to blend with humans to the test at Airport security. We managed to slide through the TSA check with ease- without tipping off the inquisition either. Solomon and I had intercepted the international flight by getting the plane to dock in the incorrect port, allowing the Salubri to slip past the sheriff and his hired guards. Things didn’t go as well as we hoped- as the Sheriff caught on to someone was messing with the radio tower and hopped over to where we were hiding. We had already called the brujah boys to the airfield to intercede the sheriff’s men. A huge fire fight broke out. The brujah were losing so Solomon and I made a rash decision. We used far reach together and launched a fuel tank at the gun fight- fire engulfed the scene. Solomon and I fled into the night- starving, but unscathed. Cue camarilla media blackout and clean up. 

The next night we were ordered to return to the chantry. We refused and gave pitiful excuses saying things like keeping face by going to a night job or Solomon had a legit excuse of needing to write his Yom Kippur service. Instead we tracked down Clancy and the brujah and high tailed the Salubri out of Atlanta. Clancy handled the money for the dark flight and I wore less clothing to convince the guy to bypass security. Our Salubri was in the air and out of Atlanta. But the sheriff was on our trail. Someone had to take the blame. Clancy knew how hard we had worked. He was the only kindred who knew about the safehouse project. He took the fall for freeing the Salubri and let himself be staked by the sheriff as we fled unseen into the night. 

The following night, we did go to Mary’s Haven. She immediately shoveled us into the car and took us to Elysium. She knew we had something to do with this. Or just wanted to see us squirm. Regardless. Clancy had been placed on trial for his crimes against the Prince and the brujah were ready to Throw. Down. The air was tense and violent choleric resonances dominated the room. There is one brujah in particular, Jamal. He was basically an anarch. The only reason he wasn’t a Baron and fighting the Prince was because of his faith and trust in Clancy. He was nearly going to free Clancy then and there- if it wasn’t for Solomon. Sol begged him to let him play the political game first. Solomon  offered himself to the prince as the duskborn primogen. He advised the prince that Clancy’s life was the spindly thread that kept the brujah from rioting. Solomon ruled that Clancy should be exiled but allowed to live. The Prince agreed. The brujah and Jamal backed down- begrudgingly. Clancy was still staked and was to be driven out of the city once Solomon achieved a few goals as his new primogen. Mary was furious. Was it because her ex had arrived in the city and had gotten close to her other child? Oh that was a part of it- for sure. Somehow this night really did not go according to plan and the car ride home was AWKWARD. 

That night Mary tried to get me to drink from her again- which uhhh no. Idk what you all know about Tremere who follow Carna- but they can still blood bond. And that made her even angrier. She was willing to try anything to get either myself or Solomon to comply. We resisted. That’s when I figured out Mary had slipped on some control over us and wanted to reclaim it. So, I left the haven that night and went to get some sweet distractions at Atlanta’s Asylum chain. That’s when I decided to stop being careful and took that final drink- as a huge fuck you to Mary and to give myself the edge I wanted. I’d have the swirling madness and premonitions in my system for a while and could be thinking ahead of her. I didn’t realize how loopy I’d get. I felt higher than ever before and couldn’t keep my thoughts from spilling out of my mouth.  I stumbled back into the chantry and told my adoptive sire this:

“I reject your blood.”

and

“Any kindred that bothers with me is up to something. You. You chose me. YOURE Up to Something And I wont let it happen.”

She looked me in the eye and said, "tell the truth."

I babbled about everything. The page from the book of Nod and how I copied it. The alchemy I kept from her. The thaumaturgy I tried and made a mess. How she blood bonded Tommy. Letting the Salubri go. How I knew about her plan to usurp the Prince- the madness told me what she’d do. We argued until the sun came up. I went to bed, thinking that I’d have to continue the talk in the evening. I didn’t expect to find myself warded into my own room, windows loaded with explosives, security cameras installed, and my girlfriend Lisa trapped with me. Mary had called an emergency Elysium- excluding Solomon. They were planning our executions. I made it out, barely. Mary’s ghoul and Lisa were killed when one of the explosives went off. There was nothing left but her necklace. In a fit of grief, rage, sorrow I don’t know what emotions I was feeling but it was a lot of them. I obliterated the wards around Mary’s private lab and took whatever I could carry. 

We drove off, thinking we’d lay low for a few hours before Mary could use trail of prey on me. We could beg borrow and steal to get our things and get out. I had just parked the car when I vomited the first time. My blood began bubbling and boiling and oozing out of every open surface it could. I had three bullet holes in my stomach- the bullets were pushed out as my blood gushed. I spent the next fifteen minutes in agonizing pain as Mary called my phone. She heard every gag and wretch- and laughed. The ultimatum was to bring me before the Prince to be put out of my misery, and return what I stole. I told her to go fuck herself. Within seconds, my blood was boiling again and I was a mess on the sidewalk. 

The next few hours were agony waiting. I didn’t know if she’d do it again. But the clock was ticking. The Prince had ordered a hunt for us. And Mary’s ritual to dominate the Prince and the entire court was already ignited. We could have just fled right then. Fuck the Camarilla of Atlanta. Fuck everything about this place. Lets leave and never look back.... But Solomon still had too much to lose in Atlanta- and was willing to fight for it. And Cass had old wounds from Mary (they were an item at one point omg). And I wanted to go so badly- but what I wanted more was to see her vitae spilling out onto the floor as I drove my knife through her. So after cleaning myself from the third wave of dagons call and alleycat hunting for the first time- we took what little time we had left in the city to put an end to this. 

We used the first hour before sunset to gear up. I immediately drove out to the few spots to where thinbloods were hiding and told them to RUN. Find a new city or something- just get out. A few times they looked at me with power hungry eyes. It was a perfect opportunity to take a wanted kindred to the Prince and move up the ranks. I reminded them that they are not known by the prince. And to take me in was to also announce themselves- amidst a time when they are using thinbloods as scapegoats for anything gone wrong. And BOY. Is it going wrong. The last stop I made was to my alchemical dealer. I drained my bank account and bought some of the most powerful brews I’ve ever drank. As a parting gift, or grift if you ask me, he let me have his best brew: Potence.

Solomon went to free Clancy with a group of the brujah boys. A minor fire fight broke out. Solomon was a bit roughed up- both physically and spiritually. I think he had broken one of his own oaths and it was weighing heavily on him. 

When we met up at the edges of Mary’s Haven- we didn’t realize how quickly she had redone the wards. As one of the Brujah boys drove up the path it kept twisting and winding to steer us back to the front gate. Eventually I crawled into the drivers seat. Even though I wasn’t welcome anymore- I was the last one to drive this path and now armed with malkavian whispers. It wasn’t my best driving. Certainly creative. But I got us to the bottom of the hill and we could see the lights to the haven. Mary had laid tons of traps as we made our crawl up to the porch. Landmines specifically. Seriously, where the fuck did she get these? Were they always here? 

When we made it to the porch, the sheriff sat illuminated by the single flickering light. That certainly explains why it was so easy to bust Clancy out. Solomon took the diplomatic approach and tried to reason with the sheriff. I knew it wasn’t going to work and hovered one of the explosives over him. If anything happened to Solomon I’d-- two gunshots. Solomon clutched his chest and fell to the ground. There goes the second person I believed was actually good in this world. Thats when fresh vitae rained from above. Yeah, this is where I get frenzy bombs. The brujah boys immediately attack each other. Clancy and I keep our cool. 

I dropped the explosive and the sheriff flies back into the haven. I go to enter the door, and am met with Mary’s hell cat. Far reached the cat aside. I didn’t care. Nothing was going to stand between me and ending this. The sheriff, his skin singed and peeling, turned to me with frenzied eyes. Far reach again. He’ll never lay a hand on me again. I held him still as Cass drove the stake through his chest. We tossed him aside. 

Thats when we realized the basement was warded. It sent Cass flying back everytime she got close. Even Clancy couldn’t get closer than five feet to the doorway. So I pulled out that potence brew and drank it. I slammed my fist into the mahogany floorboards and crashed through two levels of the haven. I fell to my knees surrounded by rubble and looked up to see my adoptive sire performing her ritual- the circle nearly illuminated. “Mom, I’m home.”

When it came down to it, my hand shook and I couldn’t pull the trigger. At first I tried to far reach her out of her circle, but my hunger had gotten the best of me. So instead, Cass took my hand. She fired at my adoptive sire. The Tremere collapsed and fell to ash. I hadn’t seen someone suffer final death before. I stared at the wispy grey ashes fluttering around the room. Suddenly, the house began to crack and crumble. Clancy grabbed both me and Cass and leaped out of the rubble. When we got back to the ground level- the sheriff was gone. Jamal had taken all of him-the last drop. He told Clancy that Atlanta won’t be the same without him- but its going to change in a way he didn’t like. Clancy looked so disappointed. Without a word, He turned and picked up Solomon’s corpse. Sol was now warm. He was dying. He breathed his last breath in Clancy’s arms. The old brujah carried him to his family that night and they got to give him the proper funeral for his faith.

I told Jamal my dark secret and it’s why I couldn’t stay in Atlanta. He told me to get moving and come back when I’m zeroed. “I need a chameleon that can put on charm and take a punch like you.” I was still chased out of Atlanta by a few kindred who wanted that sweet sweet blood hunt boon- but Jamal used it to his advantage. He took them out as I sped away with Cass to Miami. I don’t know what the affairs of Atlanta are like- a mere year later. I know Jamal was going for the Prince since was now without a sheriff missing his two heavy hitting primogen. But regardless of who is in charge- the duskborn trio perished in that haven that night. And we keep it that way.

~HB

_____

Here Jackie, this is the sob story. @ventrue-in-control​

#vtm #thats what happened #most of this is canon...in the chronicle the third drink didnt happen but hazel was still loopy af #vtm chronicle #vampire the masquerade v5 #vtm rp

[sjbuchananbarnes]

Girls Night

Steve x reader 

W.c: 1640+

“Fuck guys!” Wanda yelled at the top of her lungs as she took another swing at the very expensive bottle of tequila .

“Fuck heartbreaks!” A very drunk redhead creid.

“Fuck penises!” You followed your best friends.

Three of you then turned to Pepper waiting for her to yell something but what could she yell at since she was in a happy marriage with Tony.

“Fuck…” But she couldn’t think of any “...boyfriends..?”

And the three of you cheered at her response followed by the chanting of what she had said. The four of you continued to cheer at what the other had said while singing at the top of your lungs, singing was used very loosely, and dancing around.

“You coulda had a bad bitch non-committal, help you with your career just a little!” The four of danced and sang at the top of your lungs and continued to sing about how men aint shit.  

“What’s going on with the girls?” Sam asked as he entered the training room.

“I think Nat had a bad date so there supporting her.” Tony answered from the boxing ring.

“Isn’t Pepper married?”

“And Wanda with Vision.”

“And Y/n is single.”

“I think they’re all single tonight, by what there saying.” Clint shrugged,”You know those girls will always anything for eachother.”

“But do they have to be so damn loud.” Bucky grumbled “She went out on that date yesterday night.”

“They started with wine last night.” Steve stated which only caused the rest of the team to look at him wired. “You guys didn’t see the wine bottles in the garbage can?” He tried to play it off, he can’t let out his secret.

“Then it went to brunch this morning, some light shopping which combined I think they spent around fifty thousand dollars.” Clint shrugged like it was nothing.

Which caused Bucky and Steve to choke on there on saliva.

“What?” They both yelled at the same time, still not getting use to spending too much money in just one day, considering that fifty hundred dollars back in the ‘40’s it was close to a little over half a  million dollars in today's currency.

“I think you guys forget that Y/n is loaded as well, why do you think she has the best wing.” Tony leaned against one of the ring post.

“But that’s so much money.” Bucky gasped.

“They have expensive taste, especially Y/n, I wouldn’t be surprised if more then half that tab is her’s. The guy that ends up with her is one lucky basterd.” Tony laughed and Steve snorted.

“But why does she live here?” The long hair blue eyed man asked.

“She doesn’t want to live alone, she spent most of her life alone she doesn’t want that anymore.” Clint explained, which to Bucky nodded understanding were you were coming from.

-

“Guys shut up!” You giggled, trying to get them to shut up but you were just as loud at them.

“Ooh Y/n likes Steve!” The now three extremely drunk friends shrieked, teasing you.

“What no I don’t!” Your voice got extremely higher than what you anticipated.  

“You like the stars spangled man, the man with the plan.” Pepper got up on the bed and did a hero pose, with her fist on her hips and her chest puffed out.

“So what you like Tony!” You yelled not realizing what you were saying.

“Ooh Pepper like Tony!” Now the three of you teased her.

“What no I don’t.” The strawberry blonde giggled,playing with her hair.“Wait, I Am married to him.” She threw her head back crackling like it was the funniest thing she ever heard.

“I want to be married.” Your eyes filled with tears.

“You will marry Y/n, marry Captain america.” Wanda giggled at her funny ‘joke’.

“It’s okay Y/n.” Nat pulled you in between her legs and into her arms. “We will all find happiness one day.” She kissed you cheek.  

“I love you Nat!” You cried harder as you threw your hands over her shoulders pulling her in. “And that guy is so stupid for not wanting a badass like you.”

“I love you too.” She cried into your shoulder.

“And I love you Pepper.” Wanda weeped as she brought brought her into her arms.

“I love you too Wanda.” Pepper sobbed into her shoulder.

And what seemed like a hour the four of you were done crying and now fast asleep on your humongous bed in which the four of you fit easily.

“I dont think I’m ever going to drink again.” Pepper said from the bathroom as she finish washing her teeth after throwing up.

“Pepper shut up.” Nat groaned as she shoved her head deeper into the pillow.

“Pepper move!” Wanda shoved her out of the way and soon her head was in the toilet.

Nat sighed knowing that she wasn't going to be able to sleep once more. “Where the hell is my bra?” She scratched her head.

“When did you take of your bra?” You questioned her after stepping out of the shower with a towel wrapped around your body, chuckling at Wanda as she laid on the bathroom floor.

“I don’t know.” She dragged herself out of the bed and into your shower.

“I’m going to go shower, I’ll see you guys down in twenty.” Pepper yelled as shut the door behind her.

After Wanda and Nat showered and borrowed some of your clothe which was just pair of legging and some band t’s, after Nat still hadn’t found her bra she just decided to borrow a sports bra instead ,and you guys were good to go for breakfast, at one in the afternoon. Were the boys waited for your arrival.

“Afternoon ladies.” Steve eyed the four of you as you walked into the kitchen, his eyes stayed on you the longest.

“Hi Stevie.” Without thinking you made your way into his arms and kissed his lips. “I missed you last night.” You leaned into his chest.

“Uh guys?” Tony’s voice broke you out of trace,causing your body to stiffen not even realizing Steve body was stiff not saying anything.

“Oh no.” You whispered and stepped away from Steve.

“Oh yes!” Wanda yelled.

“What the hell is this?” Sam yelled in excitement.

“What the hell are you!” Steve yelled back, causing Tony to wheeze and press his face into Peppers back, who was sitting on his lap.

“What?” Sam questioned.

“I don’t know.” Steve mumbled and played with his hands.

“Since when was this a thing?” Nat smiled at the two of you.

“Like three months.” You mumbled as you itched closer to him, god you felt like you were a pair of teenagers begin caught by your parents.

“Why didn’t you guys tell us?” Wanda whined, as she fixed her self a plate of pancakes eggs and some greasy bacon and a big cup of coffee from that amazing machine that you bought for the team. “God I love these chefs.” She digged into her plate.

“ We just thought it would be to soon, and we thought it would be best in case we broke up. We didn’t want to make it awkward.” You sighed. “Wait why aren’t you shocked Bucky?”  

 “Steve told me.” He shrugged like it was nothing.

“You told him, we had a agreement!” You gasped and hit Steve on the shoulder, which only caused you gasp in pain and you quickly grabbed your hand and held it tight to your chest .

Steve let out a laugh and explained “He caught me doing a walk of shame, doll.” he brought you back into his chest.

“Steve Rogers, doing the walk of shame who would of thought.” Tony joked, and got up to fix his very hungover wife a plate.

“Oh trust me I have no shame.” He pulled you into a deep kiss.

“See Y/n I guess you will marry the star spangled man after all.” Nat smirked from behind her coffee cup.

“Nat, we just started to date.” You shoved your head into his chest, but Steve already knew he was going to marry you the day he saw first saw you.  

-

“Sam, I swear I’m going to rip you a new if don’t start to punch like you mean it!” You yelled at the your tall broad friend,your back was facing Steve who was leaning against the door, smirking as you talked to one of best friends.

“I don’t think your going to be able to handle, all of this.” He motioned down to his body.

You threw your head back in glee. “Oh Sammy, stop your going to make me cry.” You clapped your hands together.

He took this as his advantage and charged your way but you were quicker than him , ducking his right and left  punch, jumping and swing yourself onto his shoulder straddling him with your thighs, his hand reached to grab a hold of your shirt to flip you over but with a swift move you swung yourself along with him onto the floor, landing on your feet with one foot on his chest.

“If I didn’t like you so much you’d be dead,Sammy.” You offered him a hand to help him on his feet and turned around to realize you had company, your face lit up with joy to see who it was. “Mr.Rogers, pleasure to finally meet you.” You made your way to him and extended your hand.

“Pleasures all mine, and please call me Steve.” He took a hold of your hand not letting go. “Pleasures all mine.” Steve mumbled.

“So ‘am going to kick your ass,like I did your friend.” You nodded over to Sam.

“I’d like to see you try.” He smirked “I’ll buy you dinner if you can actually beat me.” Steve still had a smirk on his face.

“You got a deal Cap.”  

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve x you #steve x reader #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers one shot #steve imagine #steve oneshot #captain america x reader #cap x reader #captain america one shot #captain america x you #captain america imagine #marvel oneshot #marvel imagine #imagine #oneshot #avengers one shot #avenges x reader #avengers imagine #captain america

[thedankfaerie]

i am posting this here because i am tired of burdening my boyfriend with my feelings. this is a little nsfw. and this is my call for help. i dont know who to talk to anymore about this.

i need someone to hear what i feel

or at least, a free space to say what i feel 

im in a low place. i feel so awful about myself and my body and i hate this feeling. i hate that this time last year, i was so happy about the way i looked. i was working this awful job that had me so overworked and overtired and poorly treated that i skipped meals and slept through meals regularly... i lost so much weight from stress in just a year and was the skinniest i had ever been. mentally, i was not in a good place being exploited by my managers... but my self esteem re: my body was at a new level i never knew could exist for me.

last year, i felt powerful and confident about my body, and i expressed that through sexuality. i was fucking my ex that i still liked (i grew out of wanting him back, but he never did, and it was nice to have the upper hand). i was also fucking an old fwb that i stayed friends with, that was also recently single, so we reunited again at the perfect time. i was also seeing this one guy (now my boyfriend) so if ever i got tired of the sex i at least was able to calm down and settle down with someone who genuinely wanted to know me. of course, i ended up catching feelings for this guy, and cut off the other two to pursue something more serious (we are now dating and are moving in together next month!) anyways, it was so nice to be wanted. to feel... i guess sexy? sex is empowering. and it shouldn’t be taboo to say that as a woman, or anyone really. i dont want to give off the message that a woman’s validation is fueled by men’s desire - but hey, don’t you feel flattered when someone thinks you’re attractive? desire and lust aren’t everything... but they matter. and they have an impact on how you feel about yourself, whether or not you believe me when i say that is up to you. 

 and i hate that i would gladly put myself through the stress that i did just to feel happy about my body. before the summer ended, i finally had enough and i quit my shitty job. i was jobless for a month, but was able to enjoy the rest of the summer with my new ‘skinny’ body - last year i took my first bikini picture ... a 2 piece! i have never done that. i still think about how happy i was that summer to look and feel good about myself. 

i have struggled with self esteem issues since highschool. i always felt like i was too big. i used to follow all these blogs of pretty people and try to copy their poses to feel pretty and i used to spend hours after school trying on short dresses and clothes to stare at my body in the mirror. i used to starve myself to the point of literally wanting to faint on the daily, until finally i admitted it to one of my teachers. she respectfully asked if i wanted to speak with the school guidance counsellor, and i declined. but she encouraged me to speak up to at least a friend, so i did, and it helped, and for a long time, i was okay. after i graduated that teacher still checked up on me for a few years every now and again.

4th year university was when i realized how much i had let myself go. i was the heaviest i had ever been, it was my graduating year, i was looking for a job and was always worried about my grades. every time i was stressed or every time i needed to study i bought pad thai and bubble tea. a ritual. i didnt realize how much that had caught up to me until i saw old pictures of myself. at this point, i started my (shitty) job, straight out of graduation.

i actively avoided scales, i didn’t like looking at the number because it just made me upset. and i already felt upset looking in the mirror, i didn’t need something else to make me upset. but i did. and i was 20 pounds heavier than i was in highschool - the heaviest i had ever been.

i cried.

i didnt do much about it. i was too busy. my first job out of uni was a brand new daycare and i was head teacher of a toddler class - also i was the only staff on floor since there were not as many kids. there was nobody to train me, at all. i had to teach myself everything. i had no time. 

a little while before starting the job, i met this guy. he was so hot, but such a dick - we had a “thing” but it was so toxic. he started off interested in me, but i turned him down. his attitude changed and he started being a douche, but we became friends because we were seeing each other so often. i didn’t have a car yet. he was driving me everywhere. he lived 5 minutes away. he was the type of friend that would text me “im outside, lets go out”. we hung out as friends at first, we would have “study dates”, until we started hooking up. we acted like a thing but he denied we were ever one - but got mad at me whenever i tried to look elsewhere. but i guess in that time, it was nice to be wanted, especially by someone so attractive. 

but again, a year in that shithole job went by fast. i would stay late after work. i would come in on weekends. i was expected to not only help new kids transition, but train new partners. and given that my supers refused to support me, i watched a lot of people quit due to pressure. i had to keep retraining. and kids kept coming. that never stopped. i can honestly say my class wasn’t settled until december, and i started in september. everyday it was ‘its fine, it will get better’. 

a year in that shithole, with 0 support, and i lost all the weight i gained - and more. i was the skinniest i had ever been. even in highschool. i looked at old pictures of myself from when i started the job at my heaviest. i couldnt believe that was me. and i was so happy looking at myself in the mirror. for once! 

after i quit that job, i started another job that i hoped would be a happy ending.

and it wasn’t. it stressed me out just as much. i also moved out by this point, a month after i started this job. my hours are whack. 7-9, 11:30-6. i woke up early and got home late. i never had free time. my last shift at my old job was 7-3:30 and i had the whole day to myself. im someone that needs social interaction and alone time, and by the time i got home i was so tired, i would just cook, clean, shower, and go to bed. and that was my life. sometimes i would get so tired that i couldn’t cook, i just went and ate out. i tried to make personal time with my friends after work but by the time i reached their house, it was late, and places were closed. and id have to leave early anyways because i had work early the next day... so fast food was the only way to make this work. on top of this, this was the most difficult class that i had ever had. the kids behaviours’ were so difficult and i couldn’t handle it. i would cry in my car 3x a week. i would cry 4 minutes before my shift starts in the washroom and walk out and pretend i was okay. i would have my boyfriend come over as much as i could just so i could cry in his arms. i couldnt leave this job because i had just moved out and having a consistent rent payment was a huge responsibility for me. as well, if you know anything about ECEs in canada, just know we make shit pay. but this job pays me better than most ECE jobs... by a landslide. AND gives me benefits, which is so hard to find. i am still at this job - i was at my breaking point at the time covid started, so i was rejoicing when we closed for covid. i havent worked since march, but i needed that time off so desperately. 

with that being said, i gained the weight back.

not everything, but i definitely could tell i was packing on some pounds.

cue covid.

i havent worked since march. i fell back into a lazy routine of ordering fast food. lying in bed. resting. just enjoying NOT dealing with my difficult class. 

but i gained it all back. and i think im back at my heaviest weight. i picked up all my summer clothes from last year from my moms... half of them dont fit me. my favourite pair of shorts won’t close. i just sat and cried in a mess of clothes on my floor in front of the mirror. this was last week.

im trying to tell myself, ‘you’re in the middle of a global pandemic, go easy on yourself’... but do you know what it’s like to finally get what you’re chasing, and have it be taken away from you? i finally had a taste of what it was like to look AND feel good about myself. something ive wanted since i was a teenager...and it’s gone. it’s my fault and i accept that, so please don’t tell me i did this to myself. i know i did. but i can still be upset about it. i look in the mirror and i try to suck my stomach in and pretend nothing changed but its not the same. i see old pictures of myself, especially that bikini pic. ironically, i captioned it “i will never have the confidence to take a bikini pic again”... and here we are. i look at the clothes i wore last year and remember how fucking good i felt wearing them. i try putting them back on and seeing my stomach bulging and my arms looking fat and my love handles, something i didn’t see last year. and i just take them off and opt to wear something frumpier that doesnt hug my figure.

i try to tell people about how i feel but i cant take those ‘love yourself and all your flaws’ campaigns seriously. i dont think i can listen to another ‘you have to just keep faking it until you make it and if u just tell urself ur beautiful u will feel beautiful!’

because if you’re me, you know you cant kid yourself. if you’re me you can’t ‘love every flaw’. you fixate on them. and you let them define you. and if youre me, flaws are all you see.

i hate myself for getting back to this point. 

i have a very supportive boyfriend that knows about all this, who is trying to actively get me to go on runs with him. we are trying to go for walks more and be out and about. he reminds me of little things, like if we are getting bubbletea he will suggest i go with less sugar. he is trying, we are trying. and i appreciate him so much.

today i complained in my car about this to my boyfriend, again. for the millionth time. and he still was supportive. but i just feel like i cant keep doing this to him. he said something today, which i think was him trying to give me a reality check to show me that i cant just wish i could starve myself and overwork myself to lose weight and call it a day... but it stung. he said “i don’t want to be with someone that’s not healthy. i have standards too” and i realized then he deserves so much better than to fucking babysit my complaining ass. i am 24. and i shouldnt be putting this on him. he is an adult with problems just as real as mine and i shouldnt be burdening him with this anymore. 

im scared to talk to him about how that comment made me feel, because he’s so right, and he has every right to leave me. i would honestly. the amount that i worry and fixate on all my flaws and complain and have crying breakdowns about this is not fucking normal. and it shouldnt be his problem. i just want him to be with someone that doesnt give him this baggage. he met me in my ‘prime’ days when i just started getting my skinny body last year. when we finally started dating, we were super sexually active. and i mean, having sex like 15 times a week. im not kidding. now we havent had sex in almost an entire month. i dont feel sexy anymore and its impacting my sex drive.. he tries to start it with me and i just can’t because i feel like he is probably repulsed by my body. this is a huge huge huge problem, seeing as sex was a huge part of our relationship (we are very emotionally in tune with one another, but sex was a great addon because we both love it so much). i hate the way i look without clothes on. i cant bring myself to do it because it makes me feel like shit about myself.

but we are moving in together next month. and that is a huge step. and i am worried that i will never change, and he’s going to feel like he’s stuck with me because he’s moving 40 minutes away from his hometown to live with me. i almost want us to break up so he can be with someone with less baggage but i also love him and i want to be better for him and for us. 

someone please help me. 

#help #lol

[swampgallows]

..

i used to be really skinny, and i used to have tons of cute dresses that fit my skinny frame. i used to confidently be a size medium no matter what it was. then i started outgrowing juniors clothes and i realized i wasn’t a ‘junior’ anymore. i had entered ‘adult’ territory. which is frightening. and it wasn’t that i was fat, i just grew up. my shoulders and ribcage became too wide for shirts designed for, you know, thirteen year old girls.

but i wasn’t 5′2″ and 90 lbs, so i always still felt too big, too in the way, too much like i had to wear trash bags and hide myself for being an obstruction to fashion or beauty. 

i had so many cute dresses that i never wore and will never wear again. they will never fit me again no matter how much weight i lose. they wont fit my skeleton six months after ive been dead. 

somehow a gif of a woman cooking while wearing lingerie popped up on my dashboard. i remember buying a thong for Him, wearing it for Him, and how uncomfortable it felt, and how disgusting and awful i felt wearing it, but that i did it For Him, and i was in his kitchen and told him to feel under my already-sheer silk nightie for the black lace thong. 

all he said was ‘oh,’ and half-smiled. then, later, when i told him how heartbroken i felt, he said he was ‘embarrassed’ because ‘sometimes guys just arent horny’, or whatever. but it was because he, by this time, had already been cheating on me. but he sugarcoated it with something about my ‘cute little ass’, which i knew was pejorative, because he always talked about girls’ huge asses and had their ugly spread pussies and buttholes plastered all over his idiot fucking blog.

yeah, i DID have a cute little ass, and i fucking wasted it on you. i tried so hard to be the stupid fucking straight girl you wanted, to be the submissive you wanted, to be your best kept fucking secret because you REFUSED to commit to me, letting your shitty, trashy taste infest mine. your fucking superficial occultism and sex-posi fauxminism. you were only interested in comics because you got off to the same racist sexist trash that crumb did, and you were only interested in bakshi for the pulp. you tried to act ironic about it but jesus christ you really WERE turned on by chainmail bikinis. absolutely fucking pathetic. less of an aesthete than a hippie blowing glass in his airbrushed wizard van. even deadheads would tell you to get with the fuckin times. 

and i wasted it on you! i really did look at somebody with the name [redacted] and thought ‘oh yeah, thats the one. mr generic, that’s the guy for me. a proto-neo nazi? sign me up!’

i cant believe the amount of hatred i harbored toward myself. how much i hated myself to settle for that. how much i hated myself to not wear my pretty dresses. how fearful i was. how scared i was, and am, to be seen. how lonely i feel. how alone i am. how men look at me like i’m a doll, then stick a key in me and wind me up to operate as their surrogate mother.

i’m so fucking over straight men, dude. i’m so fucking tired of living in their world, defining myself by their principles, being compared to their standards of aesthetics. i’m so fucking sick of all the philosophs and academics and theologians and notepad scribblers, all the alphas and betas and omegas and kappas and poggers and channers and goons and what the fuck ever else, all the billionaires and ceos and presidents and managers, all the stupid johns and davids and brians and jameses looking at the world like a game of risk, a game only they would be stupid enough to invent and derive pleasure from, of cordoning up the planet and its peoples like slices of pie that they forced their barefoot pregnant wives to bake. 

i’m suffering in this world from a deficit of beauty, beauty of my own creation and within my own body. i haven’t respected my beautiful body, i haven’t respected my beautiful clothes, ive burrowed myself away in a warren of anxiety and fear away from dawns and sunsets and the crabs on the jetty while counting barnacles, too stubborn and stupid to chip off the ones growing endlessly on my back (and my face). 

i can make my body more comfortable, but i will never get the one i had back. my twenties are gone, and my youth was wasted on the young. 

i feel like no matter how old i get, no matter how successful i may feel or become, no matter what i accomplish of my own merits and how many fears i quash, i will always have this cacophonous jury of faceless pedophiles in my mind reminding me that i am no longer supple, that i am no longer useful, that all of the things i do in my life are only shortcomings in an attempt to make up for being a worthless cumdump. that no matter what i do, even if i find love and make my own home and live a successful life, i will only hear them telling me how my chest isnt flat, how my nose is too big, how the fun is gone now that im no longer a ten year old boy from behind. 

my therapy appointment is in six hours, and i dont really know if i can open up with that.

#blathering