#I THOUGHT I WAS A FUCKING PIECE OF SHUT LARD BEFORE

[zer0s-g0re-f1lled-gr4ve]

#OH MY FUCKING GOD #TW ED?? #I HAVENT FUCKING TRACKED CALORIES OR MY WEIGHT FOR ALMOST A YEAR NOW? #JUST GOT WEIGHED AT TGE DOCTORS OFFICE AND NOW IM LABELED AS OVERWEIGHT ACCORDING TO BMI #FIRST FUCKING TIME IN MY LIFE IM SICK TO MY STOMACH #I THOUGHT I WAS A FUCKING PIECE OF SHUT LARD BEFORE #ohh my fucking god im gna puke im so nauseous #i hate fucking being weighed at appointments but its the only time ill allow myself to since im trying not worry #AND YET IM STILL INCREDIBLY CURIOS #BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW IF IVE LOST #BUT THATS NOT BEEN THE CASE FOR A WHILE NOW #ohh my god #ohh my godddd #how do i get motivation to lose weight in a healthy way with all these health problems???? #THATS WHY I FUCKING STARVED IN THE FIRST PLACE #AND NOW I WEIGH MORE THAN I EVER HAVE IN MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE #why am i supposed to do???? #WHY do i have to look the way i do??? #half my fucking clothes dont fit me anymore. i know this already #everything hurts #why cant i just be normal? healthy? please #please #god what is wrong with me

[bodyswapmischief]

Buddy Swap (Finale)

(Well it took longer then I wanted, but I finally finished this last part. I really enjoyed writing this series and I appreciated all the love it’s gotten. I guess apart of me didn’t want  this to one to end. But, it will be good to finally get other stories out of my head. But before we get that far, I hope you enjoy the rest of this ride) 

My mind was still racing, with thoughts of what happened at the mall. But, Alex's words cut through the confusion . "Are you okay ... since we left the mall you have been stuck in your head. Did something happen? Did you see anything?"

That last question struck me as odd. After all, I went into that shop following him, but he was nowhere to be found, once I entered. Did he even go in? ... or was it just a trick of the shop. "No ... I just have something on my mind." I finally let out, as my attention turned to the road. The signs on the freeway said we were now leaving town. "Where are we going?" I questioned.

"Oh ... don't worry. I planned a weekend getaway. I have a cabin in the woods where we can be alone and relax. I figured you could use a vacation, with everything that has happened ... Just finish your ... drink." He said nervously, as if trying to convince me of something. But, my mind couldn't connect the pieces. My brain was in a fog. And, I mindlessly took a sip of my drink and finished what remained. I look at him and he smiled. The fogginess of my mind started to spread. All my thoughts faded, as relaxation entered my body. But, deep down my consciousness screamed for help, as my vision faded to black.

I woke up to find myself tied to a bed, in a dimly lit room. I tried to look around only to see walls surround me. My big fat gut blocked the rest of my view. I was naked for all but my underwear, which I felt cling to my body in the cold room. I started to struggle, trying to feel away out of my situation. "That's not going to work," I heard Alex, as he entered the room, rolling in a tray.

On the tray was a stone, with symbols on it. "What the fuck are you doing!" I yelled at him. He just smiled, as he reached for a remote next to the stone. A screen, installed into the ceiling, turned on. It read: 291lbs."That's how much you weigh," Alex smirked. At first, I ignored him still looking for a way out. But, then I realized ... that number made no sense.

"Wait that's not right ... I've been losing weight. You've been buying me smaller sizes," I turned to him, looking for confirmation. He started laughing "I've been ripping out the tags and sewing in smaller sized ones. It's amazing what the mind can make itself believe. I’m just glad you never found out ... or we wouldn't be having this moment." With my eyes becoming watery, I screamed "Why are you doing this!"

"Because your perfect. From the day I met you ... you were perfect. But, you wanted to give it all that away. You are fat. You are meant to be fat. Heck ... even when you tried to lose weight you gained ten pounds ... Although, I guess my sabotage played a role. But, your not so innocent yourself..." he said as he walked closer to me. His hands started moving up my body, stopping at the top of my belly. I tried to push him off me, with no success. He started taking off his shirt, revealing he was wearing a compression shirt. His own belly pressed tight against it. He struggled to take it off. But, when he did he exposed his new body. He had a proper sized beer belly. His abs were no where to be seen. His pecs were softer, being covered in a thin layer of fat. But, his arms still remained strong and powerful.

"You did this to me! You made me get FAT! You couldn't just eat like the cute little pig you are. You infected me with your FAT!" He yelled, as he squeezed my fat body with his powerful hands. He picked up the stone and moved closer to me his stomach pushing into the side of mine. "But don't worry I got a plan to fix your mistakes ... and I'll make you into the hog you were meant to be." He patted my stomach, sending waves through my body.

In a desperate act, I let out "you're a hypocrite. Why don't you make yourself fat. Look how much you gained, in so little time. Your the fat ass." He looked at me with rage in his eye and started choking me. "Shut up! I'm not the one meant to get fat. I'm a fuckin’ God. I'm meant to have the body of a fuckin’ God! You are the pig! You are the disgusting piece of lard. You can't hide from your destiny. I won't let you. By the time I'm done, you'll never be able to leave this room." He started chanting under his breath and the stone lit up.

He placed his hand on my stomach and I start filling pressure build up. I saw as his body started to deflate. His pecs become more defined. His beer belly shrunk and his abs started revealing themselves. He looked like when I first met him. The body of a God. He started smiling, as pain filled my body. My stomach stretched higher and my boobs got filled with more fat. I start hearing my underwear rip, as my ass expanded. And, I could feel my fat pad eating more of my dick. I look up at the screen and watched as the scale went up, finally stopping at 320lbs. "That's more how I like it." Alex stretched out. Admiring his body and jiggling my rolls of fat

I laid there speechless and defeated, as tears filled my eyes. "Aww poor piggy. I understand. Your still not satisfied. You need more food in you." I looked at him and shook my head no, as tears continued rolling down my face. He laughed "What? Your still not ready to give in. You need more time to sit and reflect on your new life. I guess, I will just have to eat for you. With this stone we are linked. I'll use it to transfer my fat onto you. Now whenever I eat, I will just get my daily need to maintain this body and survive. Everything I eat over that limit gets transferred to you." I was left in horror, as he got dressed. He moved around the room checking everything, making sure I couldn't escape. Finally he covered my mouth and started to leave. "Let's see, it's been awhile since I've been to a buffet." He mocked. I tried to scream for him to stop, but with my mouth gagged, it just came out as muffled moans. "When I come back and ... if you behave, I might let you pleasure me." He flirted, as he left the room.

As soon as he left, I tried to break free, but with my new weight I got tired faster. There was no way to break out. In the corner of the room I saw my clothes and the necklace.

Minutes passed and the lights when out. Suddenly, I saw a glow come from the necklace. I kept watching and another glow happened.  It kept repeating very slowly.

Hours passed. The glow of the necklace was becoming more frequent. Then out of nowhere, I felt pressure build up in my stomach. It felt like things where being placed in it. My stomach expanded more. Becoming tight, a feeling I recognize. It's was a food bloat. Alex must have finally reached the buffet, I thought. It felt weird as food entered my stomach, without going through my mouth or throat. My dick started becoming hard, as the pain in my stomach increased. My stomach was being pushed further than it had been. The screen now read 326lbs. He had put six pounds of food in my stomach. I feared he wasn't going to stop and I would pop. The symbols on the stone changed color and I felt my skin stretch and the food metabolize. I felt normal again. In fact I felt empty, but the scale still read 326lbs. I panicked realizing he left out that the weight gain would be instant. How fat could he make me by the end of day?

More time passed as I laid there wondering how this happened. Why did I deserve this? The glow of the necklace was now flashing non-stop. The scale still increasing. Now it read 335lbs. Suddenly, I heard a thud from upstairs. The glow of the necklace now remained on. I didn't know who it was, but I was hoping it would be someone who could help. I started to let out a muffled cry for help. Finally, I heard a familiar voice "Johnny...Johnny... is that you. Where are you?" I heard Spencer yelling. My heart raced, as I started to bang the bed against the wall. I heard footsteps get closer. He got to the basement door and jiggled it, but it wouldn't open. "It's locked!" He yelled. I just kept banging the bed against the wall. Spencer started getting panicked "what's happening in there ... are you ok ... I'm going try to find a way in."

I looked up at the screen, it now read 336lbs. Finally I heard a crash, as light entered the room. Right afterwards, Spencer entered and the lights turned on. He stopped right in his tracks, as he saw me. The screen now read 337lbs. "What the the fuck is this. Your huge! How...?" He says as he moves closer to me. He removes the cover from my mouth.

"You gotta let me out. Alex is a FUCKING freak. He linked us with that stone and is making me fatter by the minute." I blurted out. The scale read 338. Alex looked up at the screen. His breath becoming harder. His body becoming tense, as anger filled his blood, "Is that how much you weigh now." He asked, already knowing the answer. I sadly nodded, feeling my new double chin press against my neck and the top of my chest. "I just wanna get out of here. But, we're linked. So, it's never going to stop. I'll be 600lbs by the end of the month." I cried. Spencer looked at the stone and his eyes widened. The scale read 339. He ran to it and started chanting, the symbols became dull. I felt an invisible cord get cut. My stomach stopped stretching, but the scale read 340lb.

I sighed in relief, as Spencer cut the ropes on my wrist and ankles. "How did you find me," I asked. "I don't know ... I just kind of knew you needed me. It was like an invisible force guiding me to you," he responded. "Does it have anything to do with that," I pointed at the necklace. "What you got it? You met the old man?" He looked at me. "Yeah ... right after he said he was going to help me, but then this happened. " I said referring to my new fat body. Spencer walked towards the necklace, as I struggle to sit up on the bed. I finally manage to get up and instantly fell on the floor, to my knees. The sound of me falling caught Spencer's attention

"Shit ... are you okay buddy. Let me help you up." He said as he struggled to help me up. "I guess my body isn't use to this instant 50lb weight gain. But, my fat safety bag of a stomach took most of the impact." I finally get up to my feet and take some time to balance myself. Spencer took the necklace and walked toward the stone. I started walking to my clothes and tried to put them on. The pants wouldn't even make it past my fat tree trunk legs. And my new skin tight shirt barely reached the top of my belly button. I stood there as my shirt outlined my fat filled boobs and large love handles. "How am I going to lose this weight. How am I getting out of here with no clothes?." I sighed.

"Oh were not leaving ... we’re going to make a plan." Spencer said looking straight at me.

After waiting, I heard a car drive up to the cabin. Alex came rushing in and he sees my naked body sitting on the couch. "You didn't make a run for it?" He questioned. "There no point ..." I said defeated. "My clothes don't fit ... I can't just leave naked." I get up from the couch. "How did you get out? How did you break the connection." He backed up a little. "I guess those knots were weak ... and I broke the stone ... because I realized something. I am a fat pig and no one is going to love me now ..." I started walking to him. My body jiggling with every step. "No one except you, and I am never going to get the body I want ... a body like yours. I want you ... I need you. I want to get the right way. With you stuffing me. Making me fat and fucking me senseless. I’m yours." I continued, embracing him in my fat naked body. His rock hard body feeling good pressed against mine. "That's what I like to hear, my pig. I am your future ... I am your destiny." He laughed starting to play with my fat. I start making out with his body. "Let's take this up stairs." He rushed as he started taking of his clothes.

We make it to a room with a bed and bags filled with super large clothes. I rammed him onto the bed and pinned him down with my weight. "What the fuck are you doing?" He yelled, even with  his strength he couldn’t push me off. "Spencer now." I scream. Spencer rushes into the room holding the stone and chanting. He puts the stone between our body. "Now focus on what you want to transfer." He tells me. I focus and a bright light sent me off the bed. I fall on my back, feeling fat being sucked from my body. My skin starts tightening. My stretch marks start vanishing. I see Spencer looking at me in amazement. His mind blown, never realizing how his old body would look skinny.

My attention turned to Alex. Bright red stretch Mark's appeared on his body. Then they lighten up, creating the image the he had them for a while. His skin started becoming baggy, stretching into loose skin. "NO! NO! NO! What the fuck did you do to me?" He started panicking. I smiled, but my body started burning. My muscles rapidly contracting and relaxing. I screamed out in pain. Spencer ran to my side. "Oh no are you okay? What did you do?" My skinny frame started become larger, but this time with muscle. My arms pumped up with powerful biceps. My legs got energized with strong solid muscle. My chest buffed up with well defined pecs. And abs started popping up on my flat stomach. I now had the body definition of the so called God, before me. It felt erotic feeling lighter and more powerful than I was used to for these past couple of months. I turn to look at him. His body was filling up with fat.

His penis started shrinking into his new fat pad. He got embarrassed and stumbled to a bag of clothes. He put on large red shorts and managed to crawl back onto the bed, reaching for the stone. It disintegrated in his hands. We all look in astonishment at each other, realizing what happened. The old man came through. Alex’s body kept enlarging. His chest now had two nice fat boobs sitting on a beach ball belly, that would have taken years to develop. His waist line still increasing until he weighed 340lbs.

"Get out ... get out..." Alex cried putting his hand up to hid his face. I motioned to Alex and we started leaving. "Have fun play with your own tits." I mocked as we left. "I'll kill you!" Alex screamed and we heard a thud hit the floor. I guess he wasn't use to his new weight and lack of muscle.

I went to collect my belongings. But, my old clothes were not going to fit this body either. This time because they were to big. I pick up Alex's clothes and put them on. He wasn't going to need them anymore. I got in the car with Spencer and we drove off. "So ... were do you wanna go now. Home?" Spencer ask. "No, it probably won't be safe with Alex around." I responded. "Ok, let's just get this out there ... that was FUCKING crazy! And your HOT ... by the way. I didn't even know my body could look like this." Spencer blurted out. "Yeah ... I always knew you had this potential. It's funny ... my life is changed now ... but for the better. I guess we had to swap bodies to both get what we wanted." I smiled. "So .. I guess ... what's the plan now." Spencer asked. "Take me to a bus station." I answered. "What? ... Why?" He said puzzled. "Well living a mostly isolated life, you saved a good amount of money ... And, after everything thing I've been through ... I just need to find myself. I need to grow up and I'm not going to do it here." I started choking up. Spencer smiled and used one hand to massage my shoulder, letting me know he understood. His eyes getting watery too. The rest of the ride was silent.

We get to the station and he gets off with me. We walk to the entrance and he stops. "This is as far as I go." He finally let's out. "I guess you won't tell me where your going. I turn to look at him and nod. Understanding the painfulness of the moment. "Honestly, I don't even know my destination. I'm just going to take the first bus out and see where I end up. I’m most likely going off the grind, at least for awhile. But, we'll see each other again, you know." I smiled. He lunged forward to me our powerful bodies tightening as we hugged. "Be safe buddy." He whispered. "Be happy." I whispered back.

We let go and turned away form each other. Walking to face whatever our new lives held.

(If your interested on the picture I have been using, follow my other page @malereblogmischief. I am starting the process of posting the images with links to the original source. Or, I re-blog from where I found it on Tumblr.)

#male #body #swap #mishief #transformation #stories #weight #muscle #gain #transfer #magic #buddyswap

[ringa-starr]

What you Mean to Me Ch 4

A/N: Hey Dudes and Dudettes! I wanted to take a bit of a break from the drama and make this chapter more of a comedy :) Don’t worry though the drama will for sure continue in the next part! 

I hope you guys enjoy this chapter even though I wrote it in a matter of hours and it really just came from one single idea I had.

Needless to say, t doesn’t feel like my best work, but I hope you guys like it anyways.

Please leave any comments, suggestions or ideas you have for this fic down below or in my inbox because I would LOVE to read them!

As always, stay excellent and breathtaking and be excellent to each other!

I love you all,

-Deidra

It was almost 6 in the morning and Bill’s party was finally over.

As you can probably imagine, his parents’ house looked like two tornados had gone through it: pieces of shattered glass were all over the place, empty soda bottles and red paper cups littered the floor, CDs were all over the place, chip crumbs of all kinds crunched under your foot with every step you took, paper plates both clean and dirty filled the floor as well, and finally stains of God only knows what covered the entire downstairs area.

The only people who were in the house now were Bill, Ted, Emily, Deidra, Ashley and River which meant it was up to them to clean up the party evidence.

Thankfully, Bill’s parents weren’t due back until the next morning.

“Dude!” Bill gasped as he and his friends slowly and carefully walked around the now silent living room.

“How’re we gonna clean all this up?” Ashley asked, really thinking out loud to herself.

“I don’t know”, River said with a shrug, accepting the large, black garbage bag Bill had just handed him. “One section at a time I guess.”

Deidra placed a hand on her pounding head, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Would you guys please stop screaming?” she moaned. “My head’s killing me!”

“Ahh the first hangover”, Ted said with a large, goofy smile as he filled his own trash bag with cups. “You never forget it.”

“How would you know?” Bill asked Ted with a teasing smirk. “You’ve never been hungover a day in your life.”

Ted’s only response was giving Bill one of his signature smirks before continuing with his cleaning, Bill shaking his head and rolling his eyes.

“Ew, guys!” Emily cried from the spot she was cleaning in the hallway. “Come here and look what I found!”

She started laughing as everyone ran into the hallway.

Smirks as well as confused looks filled her friend’s faces at her find: a pair of dentures lying on the hardwood hallway floor.

“Where did those come from?” River asked, disgusted.

Bill and Ted looked at each other and started laughing.

“Maybe they’re Bart Applegate’s”, Ted said with a laugh, thinking of one of San Dimas High’s tall, bulky football players.

Bill laughed even harder.

“Yeah”, he agreed. “Rumor is that big, dumb tub-of-lard’s teeth rotted out of his dumb skull.”

Pausing for a minute, Bill looked at the pair of fake teeth and narrowed his eyes, smirking as an idea came to mind.

“Hey, Ted”, he said to his best friend as he picked up the teeth, the smirk never leaving his face. “Check this out.”

Opening his mouth wider, Bill slammed the dentures into his mouth, causing disgusted gasps from everyone except Ted.

“Eww!” Emily cried out, covering her mouth with her hands.

“Grrr!” Bill cried, giving his friends a wide smile, causing Ted to burst out laughing.

Bill walked back into the living room and pointed up at the ceiling fan, another idea hitting him.

Taking a chair from the kitchen, Bill placed it under the fan and climbed onto the chair.

Ted, knowing what his best friend was going to do, having seen it on tv once, walked over the stereo and put in a CD before moving the chair out of the way.

Ted then flipped on a light switch next to the front door as The Sabre Dance by Aram Khachaturian blasted from the speakers.

https://ringa-starr.tumblr.com/post/186600054397/armenianppl-aram-khachaturian-sabre-dance (You can listen to it here)

Everyone looked up at the ceiling as Bill started spinning around and around on the ceiling fan with the dentures in place, Ted biting his lower lip to keep from laughing again as Deidra, Emily, River, and Ashley looked on in part amusement, part disbelief.

The stereo, of course, was already turned up to full blast so it was no surprise that Bill’s elderly next door neighbor Mr. Fredrickson could hear everything that was going on.

The old man lay in his bed, one of his pillows slammed over his head to block the noise out, the exact position he had been in all night long.

And now he had finally had enough.

With a furious growl and a scowl to match, the elderly man slammed his pillow down on his bed before throwing on his bathrobe and slippers.

“Lousy good-for-nothing kids!” he grumbled angrily under his breath as he walked out the front door. “Why when I get my hands on that little punk, I’ll…”

Bill’s house was vibrating again as Mr. Fredrickson stumbled up to the living room window and looked inside.

He could see Bill spinning around on the ceiling fan only it took the little old man a few moments to realize something.

Eyes going as big as plates, Mr. Fredrickson gasped out loud.

“MY TEETH!” he screamed, although it sounded more like ‘My Teefs!”

Feeling his blood pressure go up, Mr. Fredrickson pounded on the window as hard as his little bony fists would allow, causing the teens to look in his direction.

“I’ll handle this, guys”, River told his friends before walking to the window and opening it.

River knew that Mr. Fredrickson liked him; basically, everyone did and why not?

River was one of the nicest, most respectful teens in San Dimas.

River gave the old man a kind smile as he leaned his elbow on the windowsill.

“How are you, Mr. Fredrickson?” River asked kindly.

“How am I?” Mr. Fredrickson asked, his voice rising. “How am I!? I didn’t get a lick of sleep last night due to my loud-mouthed good for nothing teenaged neighbor hosting a throw down last night! Arrgh!”

River frowned. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Fredrickson”, he told the old man sincerely. “Really I am.”

Mr. Fredrickson sighed, his expression softening.

He knew River had no control over what his friends did, and yet, Mr. Fredrickson asked himself why such a good, honest, trustworthy boy like River Phoenix hung out with a group of troublemakers like that.

Mr. Fredrickson gave River a kind smile after a moment’s pause.

“River”, he said. “You’re such a good boy. Why do you choose to hang out with these hooligans?”

River turned his head around to look at his friends, Bill still spinning on the cealing fan.

With a sigh, River looked back at the elderly man.

“With all due respect, Mr. Fredrickson”, River replied, “Even though it doesn’t look like it, my friends are actually good people.”

Mr. Fredrickson slowly nodded his head, his lips formed in a thin line as he watched what happened next.

As if on cue, Bill was wiggling loose from the dentures’ hold, causing him to fly backwards and slam into a nearby wall, falling into a large pile of garbage, the dentures still perfectly in place on the ceiling fan.

In Mr. Fredrickson’s opinion, that moment alone made all he had went through the previous night worth it.

The old man was laughing his butt off as Bill’s friends ran over to see if he was okay.

“Bill!” Ted cried as he and Emily started throwing paper cups and plates aside. “Are you ok, dude?!

Bill slowly opened his eyes halfway, seeing Emily and Ted spinning in front of him.

A moment later, the blonde gave his friends a goofy smirk as he slowly tried to stand up.

“Granddad”, Bill said groggily, his legs feeling like Jell-O and his whole upper body sore. “You ran another stop sign.”

That was all the teenager said before falling backwards head-first into the pile of trash, Mr. Fredrickson laughing so hard he thought he was going to wet himself.

River ran into the bathroom to get a cold washcloth as Emily got down on her knees in front of the trash pile.

She didn’t care if pieces of broken glass were scrapping her legs and knees to pieces as she dug through the trash pile, finding Bill moments later unconscious.

She carefully took her boyfriend in her arms, cradling his head as she eased the cold washcloth River had just given her on Bill’s forehead.

Ted scowled as he looked at the old man outside Bill’s window.

“Whooo-boy!” Mr. Fredrickson cried happily. “Boy, this right here makes all the hell I went through last night worth it, I tell ya hwat!”

Ted turned off the switch and put the chair back under the fan.

Carefully, and still scowling, the long-haired, chocolate eyed, teen grabbed Mr. Fredrickson’s teeth from the ceiling fan before walking over to the open window.

“Aw take your teeth and shove ‘em up your ass!” Ted cried angrily before throwing the old man’s teeth out the window as hard as he could.

“Hey, you little punk be careful with-“

Mr. Fredrickson didn’t get a chance to get another word out before Ted slammed the window shut; his way of telling the old man to fuck off.

Emily let out the breath she was holding when Bill started groaning lightly before slowly opening his eyes.

“Oh, thank God!” Emily cried with relief as she kissed her boyfriend’s face. “Are you alright, baby?”

A smile slowly crept its way onto Bill’s face as the memory of what just happened came back to mind.

“That…was…excellent!” Bill cried as if he didn’t hear Emily’s concern about him.

Bill made eye contact with Ted and they did their signature guitar move, Emily and River looking at each other and smiling, rolling their eyes.

“He’s fine”, the siblings said in unison before laughing.

Taglist:

@shhh-no-ones-home​? @celestiaelisia​ @derangedcupcake​

#keanu reeves #ted theodore logan #bill and ted #keanu reeves fanfiction #ted theodore logan fanfiction #bill and ted fanfiction #keanu reeves fanfic #ted theodore logan fanfic #bill and ted fanfic #keanu reeves fic #ted theodore logan fic #bill and ted fic #fanfiction #fanfic #fic #my writing

[thecandywrites]

Pierce and I Part 6

I did not mean to forget about this story. I really didn’t. But, at long last here is part 6. 

Pierce and I

Part 6

You woke up, supremely well rested if not just a tad sore because Pierce had worn you out the night before. You could hear Pierce softly snore above you since you were still nestled in his embrace, your nose planted firmly into his chest, the black hairs on his chest tickling the tip of your nose a little. Although, it was not even a true snore- it was so soft, just one step above heavy breathing. It was actually really cute and adorable and you knew you could definitely see yourself waking up to this every day for the rest of your life. Easy. Jimmy snored like a freight train because he had sleep apnea and had to be on a breathing machine or else you would never get any sleep. But this was nothing compared to that.  

You felt emboldened to reach between the two of you and feel if he had morning wood and grinned wickedly when he did and began to stroke it in an effort to wake Pierce up hopefully before Darcy and Bro would get up because you discovered a part of you really wanting Pierce to have you for breakfast before you made him a proper breakfast and your plan was working because you could tell Pierce was waking up, by his breathing changing and his hold on you growing tighter before there was the dreaded knock on the door and both of you huffed in disappointment.  

“Cock blockers.” You whispered under your breath which made Pierce snort a laugh as his eyes cracked open and he still kissed you sweetly, you were still beautiful first thing in the morning and this was a sight he was willing to bet he’d never get tired of. That and your mattress was infinitely more comfortable than his and it had the added bonus of having you in it and he hadn’t slept this good in…ever. And having sex with you in a bed was a welcome upgrade from his couch in his office and since it was a Cal King, it was definitely big enough for anything and everything you could ever want to do in bed too, including sleep. He was so ready to move in already, to marry you already, just live the rest of his life with you already. Everything he had and everything he was he was surrendering to you from now on. He had found the one he was meant to live the rest of his life with- you. He was beyond sold at this point. Even if you didn’t have your settlements, he was ready to hand everything over and he was ready to take over paying all your bills now too. He was going to take care of you in any and all ways possible.

“Yeah?” You asked as you sat up in bed and rubbed your eyes before you got your glasses and put them on.

“Mommy, we’re hungry.” Darcy said from the door as she and Bro opened the door, looking like they had just gotten up too.

“Ok, I’ll come and make breakfast, what do you guys want?” You asked as you got up out of bed, grabbed your phone and walked around the bed to grab your robe from behind the door and slip your slippers on and walk out of your bedroom.

“Can we have pancakes?” Darcy asked.

“Sure, just let me go potty first.” You nodded as you got into the bathroom and shut the door and relieved yourself and washed your hands before you brushed your teeth and put your hair up in a messy bun then left to go make breakfast.

“So Bro what do you want for breakfast?” You asked Bro as the three of you walked to the kitchen.  

“What do you have?” Bro asked curiously.

“Well I got stuff to make hash browns, potatoes and onions, eggs, omelets, pancakes, toast, toaster strudel, ego waffles, bagels, ham, bacon,  sausage, steak, or I have a wide variety of cereal and oatmeal too.” You listed off. “But here’s the deal, I’m going to teach you how to make whatever you ask for, you get to help.” You stipulated.

“Ok,” Bro nodded in agreement. “I’d love all of that honestly.” Bro admitted.

“Ok, so let me show you my secret to hash browns...” You began as you pulled out everything from your freezer and fridge for a huge breakfast as Pierce came into the kitchen having gone to the bathroom himself and had gotten a little cleaned up for your sake too, putting on a sleep shirt and pajama pants while his his hair was still messy but he was still devastatingly handsome all the same. “So the key is, mix bacon grease, lard and butter together and then you put your hash browns down, now the secret is, you then leave them alone. Don’t stir, don’t check for done-ness, nothing, you walk away and focus on something else because that’s how you get them crispy.” You said as you showed him then changed gears by putting strips of thick bacon down on a baking sheet and stuck those in the oven and then showed him how you made your pancakes as Darcy went ahead and did her favorite thing- scrambling eggs. “So that’s the key, you look for this consistency, any runnier and the pancakes will be thin and flat, any thicker and they’ll be so thick they won’t cook through all the way, now do you want berries on your pancakes or plain?” You asked.

“Ooh, berries please.” Bro decided.

“Ok, so let me get my special blueberries, these are Leduc blueberries all the way from the Great Lakes, I grew up picking these every summer until they got more commercialized and you can’t go and pick your own blueberries there any more but you can buy a ten pound box still and freeze it, I even have their jelly that is fantastic on anything and everything and that’s in the fridge. So what you do is you can either add a few to the batter once it’s poured into the pan or you can add them right to the batter and all the batter will be berried flavored so does anyone else want blueberries in their pancakes?” You asked as Pierce went ahead and made himself coffee, happy and excited to see all the special varieties you had.

“Sure,” Pierce immediately answered as he was paying attention to the lesson you were giving Bro too.

“Oh yeah,” Darcy agreed as she scrambled a large pan of eggs.

“Ok so I don’t really measure anything, I just get a big ol’ handful and plop them in.” You said as you reached into the bag and got a good handful and put them into the bowl of batter before Bro stirred them in, grinning when the batter started to streak blueish purple as Pierce walked around you and started to try and make toast- gently moving you with his hands on your waist or the small of your back to get around you comfortably.

“Oh uh, you may want to hold off doing that just yet Hun,” you cautioned when you watched his movements. “Like if you really want a piece of toast right now, you can go ahead but I have a different way of making it.” You explained with an apologetic smile as Pierce looked at you in surprise, he thought toast would have been a universal thing, but apparently not- as you grabbed another pan and began to melt butter in it.

“Ok, now start to toast the bread.” You directed as you helped Bro start to pour the batter on the griddle on the counter and once the toast popped up from the toaster you gestured for Pierce to give it to you and once you got all four pieces on a plate you began to fry one side of it into the browning butter in the pan, letting the bread soak it up and stay crispy on the surface before you handed Bro, Darcy and Pierce the now butter fried toast.

“Tada, toast.” You said as Bro and Pierce took the bread and bit into it, their eyes going wide as the butter within the toast seemed to gush out without the toast getting soggy.

“Wow, I didn’t think toast could be improved, but wow, I was wrong.” Pierce said over his mouthful of toast as he started putting more slices of bread into the toaster to repeat that process, Pierce taking over and went ahead and kept going around you and Bro to keep churning out more delicious toast as he quickly got the hang of it as you continued to coach Bro in making pancakes on your griddle before Pierce checked on the bacon and got it flipped before it was cooked and got it out of the oven before getting out some sausage and went ahead and made patties in the bacon grease in the pan and ham steaks and put it back into the oven and you were so happy Pierce was helping and gave him several sweet kisses and proud, grateful and adoring smiles as he continued to help make breakfast too. This was heaven. Jimmy never helped you make breakfast, he always slept in or waited on the couch until you served him breakfast. So to get help making breakfast was amazing and with Pierce helping you put food away and dishes and cleaning up last night, even though it was a small gesture, it meant a lot because it showed he was willing to work with you rather than simply benefit from your work.

Once everything was done, you all gathered around the table and ate breakfast leisurely as you all watched the birds eat out of your bird feeders.  

“So what did you guys want to do today?” You asked Bro and Darcy who both shrugged as Pierce mouthed ‘you’ to you which made your cheeks burn but a bashful smile bloomed on your face anyway as you played footsie under the table.

“Well I’m thinking that since we didn’t go to the Rex Plex last night, that we could go today.” You suggested and that seemed to perk them up quite a bit.

After breakfast, all of you took turns getting ready, you packing your lunches out of left overs into special containers before you went back to the Rex Plex. But once there, Pierce wouldn’t keep his hands off of you and because it was Saturday, it was even busier than it was on a Friday night and Pierce talked you into taking “a break” in the family restroom because while you didn’t get a chance to get morning sex, he was going to give you afternoon delight and picked you up and set you on the counter and fucked you so intensely good and it was the struggle of a lifetime to stay quiet and this more than made up for it because if you were going to take care of him then he was going to take care of you the best ways he knew how which melted your heart and afterwords, Pierce took you all out to dinner, since he didn’t think you should have to cook again.  

On Sunday you went to your religious services with him so your friends, your in-laws and your parents could meet him and get to know him and Bro and after the service you all went out to lunch and you were beyond happy and thrilled when you could see that Pierce and your parents and your father in law at least were making an effort to get on the best terms possible and afterwards you went back to your house and just relaxed and watched a movie as you made dinner again, something really simple and easy this time and when Pierce and Bro finally went home you felt your home feel a little emptier without them in it, especially Pierce as you resigned yourself to doing your weekend chores as Max was even particularly sad to not have Copper around to play with.

“So? How was it?” Dura asked Bro and Pierce excitedly when Pierce came to drop Bro off, the whole way there, Bro going on and on about ‘Darcy this’ and ‘Darcy that’ and Pierce suddenly became aware that Bro was getting a bit of a crush himself on Darcy which he thought was adorable.

“It was amazing! She fries her toast in butter!” Bro exclaimed excitedly. “And she taught me how to cook! She had me help her cook! She was so nice!” Bro beamed happily.

“She fries her toast in butter?” Dura giggled as she tilted her head to the side curiously.

“Yeah and she has the best blueberries in her freezer from the place she grew up picking them at and they made the best blueberry pancakes ever! And she taught me the secret to the best hash browns, she mixed bacon grease, lard and butter together and then you put the hash browns in the pan and she said the secret is you leave them alone and it worked! They were better than Waffle House!” Bro practically hopped up and down in excitement.

“Oh my goodness! Did you have fun with Darcy too or did you ignore her to hang around Brie the whole time?” Kich teased.

“No we still hung out and played and she’s really fun, although I kinda feel bad because I have nicer toys than she does and she doesn’t have a lot of them.” Bro frowned even though the grownups knew why that was.

“Well maybe you should give her some of yours.” Kich suggested.

“Ooh, ok.” Bro immediately agreed as he left and went to his room to go through his toys to give to Darcy.

“So how was it really?” Dura and Kich asked Pierce once Bro was gone.

“Amazing, she’s still perfect and incredible. Yeah I didn’t think you could improve toast but the frying it in butter thing was epic and I should weigh at least ten more pounds because her food is just that good and she’s still beautiful, even without makeup, inside and out and I love her and yesterday morning she was just in her pajamas with her hair up, contacts out, wearing glasses, which, she looks great in glasses too, and a robe and slippers and she was still a goddess and I had the hardest time trying to keep my hands off of her, we all made breakfast together like we were one big happy family and nothing has ever felt more right in my life than being with her and Darcy and even Darcy was really cool and warmed up a little bit more to me and talked my ears off half the time, I didn’t want to leave. It physically hurt to leave them today and even Copper didn’t want to leave. Her parents are really nice too. Protective, but that’s understandable. I met her in laws and her mother in law eyed me like I was a snake in the grass but her father in law was a really cool guy, her brother in law I could tell was subtly outraged that she was dating again because I think he mentally called dibs and there was this one dude there at the service, actually two, both of them big motherfuckers, like one was 300-350 and the other was 350-400 pounds big, all gut, the slightly smaller one was Jared and the bigger one was Danny. Danny though, he was practically eye raping her through the service this morning and she showed me off to him as her boyfriend and glued herself to my side and she told me afterwards that he had been the biggest sleaze trying to cozy up to her while she was still married to Jimmy which she has to get out of there, if only to get away from him because thankfully he had the good sense to look away whenever I caught him staring and I had to give him the stink eye a couple of times and that she actually feared he would rape her after Jimmy died which I would not put it past him. He himself inherited like 300k when his younger brother died and he was the sole beneficiary and he blew through the money in like two years and that she would never let him touch her money because he’d blow through all that too. She has a BFF who’d be perfect for Cam though, Tessa, she’s adorable, she’s younger than her by like five years, really long, natural red curly hair, she owns a salon in down town Neaton and she’s like 5’4- 5’5 and mostly vegetarian but she makes exceptions for Brie’s cooking which everyone should because it’s amazing.” Pierce grinned mischievously.

“Ooh,” Dura and Kich oohed excitedly.

“So what you’re saying is we need to have a family meal and introduce her to the whole family.” Dura hinted with a twinkle in her eye.

“Yes, sooner than later.” Pierce nodded before Dura started texting you.

“So you ready to get hitched or what?” Kich teased.

“Oh hell yeah although if she’s smart, she’ll have me sign a prenup.” Pierce grinned proudly.

“What? I was about to say, you better not make that girl sign a prenup to marry you.” Dura gasped in surprise.

“Oh no, I wouldn’t ask her to or expect her to. But, yeah, we had the money talk already, I may have more saved up than she does right this second but that’s only because she’s only a little over year into her settlements which are structured perfectly. She did what every financial adviser tells you to do. She got herself out of debt, got all of Jimmy’s assets and things in her name and only her name. Bought the house she lives in outright so she doesn’t pay rent or a mortgage or anything, she just pays insurances and utilities and food and gas and stuff. She bought all her vehicles outright, gave herself a year’s allowance, set up a budget and sticks to it and lives below her means and every settlement check she gets, which she gets them monthly- she simply adds to another account and invests it so she’s collecting interest and only has to pay taxes on the interest and because of how Jimmy died at work, she still gets health benefits from his job so she has health insurance and vision and dental and all that that they simply take out of her settlement at the rate Jimmy would be paying if he was still alive and working there.” Pierce explained.

“Holy cow.” Dura and Kich blinked in amazement before she heard back from you.

“She says yes to the family dinner, we’re having a family dinner at our house in two weeks Babe.” Dura informed Kich who nodded in understanding as Dura started texting her parents and her other siblings who lived out of town.

“Perfect, anyway she makes more in a year in settlements than I do and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future.” Pierce explained as Kich whistled lowly.

“So you really did hit the jackpot huh?” Kich grinned.

“I did. I mean it’s crazy how unassuming and humble and just plain generous she is, she still goes to thrift stores for clothes shopping or looks for sales and uses coupons and points and stuff even though she doesn’t need to, just that mentality of making every dollar stretch is working in her favor. And she could literally have any guy she wanted.”

“And she still wants you?” Kich teased as Dura gave him an unimpressed look.

“I know right? Something’s wrong.” Pierce teased himself which got Dura to roll her eyes.

“So how big were her settlements then?” Dura asked curiously.

“Big enough that I don’t want to tell anyone to keep from anyone taking advantage of her and she probably shouldn’t have even told me but she did after I told her how much I was sitting on because we were and are comfortable and at that point already and we showed each other our accounts and she showed me her budget to see if I had any suggestions which I was taking notes on how she budgeted because it was a really good comprehensive budget and I’ll be using as a template for when we get together, but I will marry her and build her- her dream house wherever she wants which considering she has horses that she keeps at Jimmy’s grandma’s farm- I should be looking for a plot of land in the country but she wants to move here so Bro and Darcy can go to school together.” Pierce beamed happily.

“Bro will love that.” Dura beamed happily.

“Yeah I think he has a crush on her.” Pierce hinted.

“Ya think?” Kich snickered.

“Ok, Mom and Dad are in, I’m still waiting on Prissy and Go and Brie’s talking with her sisters to see if they want to come down.” Dura announced.

“She has three right?” Kich recalled.

“Yup, Blossom, Belladonna and Bianca.” Pierce supplied. “Married to Benjamin, Jackson and Alejandro, respectively.” Pierce added.

“Nice.” Kich nodded in understanding.

“Wow, ok, all of her sisters and her bestie just confirmed, we’re gonna have a full house. Babe, text Cam and tell him and I’ll text Vera and her family.” Dura announced as she continued to text you about it as she quickly texted Vera.

“I got Cam.” Pierce said as he quickly shot Cam a text and told him about it. “Cam is in.” Pierce smirked as he described Tessa to Cameron before they all made plans about it.

  The next day, Monday you went to your favorite jewelry store in town and had your wedding ring carefully cut off so they could resize it bigger and while you felt naked without it, thankfully you got done just in time to meet Pierce for lunch again.

“Hey Handsome.” You chirped when you knocked on his door frame as he was in the middle of something and had lost track of time.

“Hey Beautiful, almost done.” Pierce greeted back as you slipped in and shut the door before you sat down in the chair across from him.

“You can come around and sit next to me, I’m not working on anything confidential or anything.” Pierce invited before you did and had to do a double take to see that you weren’t wearing your wedding ring anymore.

“What happened to your ring?” Pierce asked as he paused and watched you come closer.

“I had the jeweler finally cut it off with a bolt cutter because it wasn’t coming off otherwise.” You huffed a laugh.

“Does you finger feel naked with it?” Pierce hinted.

“It does, hint, hint, nudge nudge.” You playfully jabbed at his side with a giggle of your own.

“Hint dully noted. So what’s your ring size again?” Pierce asked curiously.

“Seven.” You answered.

“And is there anything in particular you like? Diamond shape wise or style wise?” Pierce asked giddily.

“This.” You grinned as you showed him your phone.

“Like exactly this or similar or something like this?” Pierce posed.

“Something like this. This size is nice and I like the halo around it, I just want something that’s also comfortable to wear yet unique, some of these rings that have diamonds all around the band look like a pain to wear like they’ll scratch between my fingers and I want something that is very comfortable to wear and wear all the time without babying my hands for fear I’ll loose a stone or something.” You explained as Pierce looked at the picture very carefully and made mental notes.

“So, no rush, but, for now, I’ll just wear this ok?” You proposed before you slid your new right hand ring, a mermaid sapphire ring, you had bought yourself at the store and slid it onto your left hand.

  Two weeks later, you found yourself in Dura’s kitchen, making food for the whole family, your whole family as well as Pierce’s family and their close family friends who were like family- only this time, you felt more panic than mania because Pierce’s parents and out of town family were coming over and your own parents and siblings and their husbands were at Dura’s house along with the same group that had been there for Bro’s birthday party since her house was quite a bit bigger than yours and she had a dream kitchen which she was letting you use to make this feast which you had gone all out on as your sisters were doing their best to help you too since this was the official ‘meeting the family’ dinner and everyone was doing their best to make a good impression and so far everyone was getting along great. You were so happy when all your sisters were really welcoming to the idea that you were dating again, even if it was an orc which surprisingly didn’t bother them or matter much to them either way- they were just happy you had found someone who adored you and treated you right and even your sister Bella’s husband Jake was helping you cook since he was a foodie too and the two of you often collaborated when doing the holiday meals together because in your family, it was your father, you and Jake were the best cooks but Bella and Blossom were close seconds. Blossom was on salads and appetizers, Bella was on mac and cheese and desserts and Bianca was doing her thing and making sushi and tempura for everyone which all of Dura’s friends and family really enjoyed as she was also on crab rangoon and crab cake duty while Tessa was on fruit pizza duty as she and Cam shamelessly flirted as he was sensually feeding her strawberries as he sliced them for her to put on the ‘fruit pizzas’ aka sugar cookies with a cool whip and cream cheese spread. Your mother was mashing potatoes and Jake, your dad, Pierce were working on all the meats while Dura was on risotto duty while Vera was working on the Brussels sprouts.  

Your feast included brined, marinated and smoked turkeys, two of them and two more turduckens. Four standing rib roasts, also smoked and cooked to perfection, two briskets, four smoked BBQ pork shoulders, a case of smoked and butter poached lobster tails, a case of snow crab legs, dozens of home made crab cakes and crab rangoons made with king crab. Six whole filets of spicy honey glazed hot smoked salmon and a fillet of cold smoked salmon sliced super thin, 30 lbs of jumbo shrimp cooked in various ways from smoked to grilled or fried. A proper crawfish boil, a dozen smoked chickens and sausage and two heavenly spiraled hams. Then for sides you had your alcoholic’s sweet potatoes, your mushroom risotto with morels and truffles this time, death by cheese mac and cheese, twice baked potatoes and garlic fingerling potatoes and mashed potatoes and a butter, bone marrow and froie gras stuffing, green bean casserole, corn on the cob, maple bacon glazed brussles sprouts and other vegetables, three different kinds of salads and even a huge fruit salad, heavy on the berries, sweet rolls and regular rolls and biscuits and cornbread and dozens of desserts and all kinds of antipasto and appetizers. You had outdone yourself and it had taken seven loaded cars, trucks and vans to get it all there and you had bought I giant smoker to smoke it all. You had brought 2 cases of wine and Pierce had bought two kegs of beer and the both of you brought along dozens of bottles of specialty beer and pop and lemonade, both regular and spiked and punch and Dura had also made huge batches of sangria, a red, a white and a blush and you had worked out every possible conceivable thing to make sure this meal was complete and perfect and Dura and her friends all watched in sheer amazement as you, your father and Jake orchestrated everything and everyone like proper chefs. Pierce really had found the find of a lifetime and they were all counting and thanking their lucky stars to be a part of all this. Even Pierce was doing his best to help you which you really appreciated it as he and your mother kept you from panicking too badly. Pierce on several instances just outright hugging you and whispering his praise and assurances that you were doing great and that everyone was having fun and a good time and that his parents were going to love and adore you which you really needed to hear. Pierce had even braided and beaded your hair himself that morning, showing off a custom bead he had made at the bead shop just for you, it was a twist on a wedding bead that meant ‘one I am devoted to for life’. Using your favorite colors and fancy gold flecks and pearlized and metallic flecks and actual opal and mother of pearl in the glass so that it glittered and almost glowed in any light and it was by far the most magnificent bead ever.

Meanwhile, Pierce’s own parents were getting ready themselves, Pierce’s mother Bula fussing over her hair and her own beads to make sure she looked perfect. Since that first meeting, Pierce and Dura both had not stopped talking about you and your cooking and how awesome you were and how you were perfect and beautiful and practically a goddess and it had made Bula a little nervous herself while Khan was just looking forward to eating your cooking, as long as you were nice, respectful and good to his son, he could care less about everything else. They had always worried about Pierce because most Orcs got married either in high school or right out of high school and they had just thought that Pierce would perhaps find someone in college, which he did date while in school, just never seriously and only occasionally and he had never introduced them to the family, simply mentioned them in passing, usually after he had already broken up with them, this was his first really serious relationship and it was with you. They had worried that he was just too picky and that now that he was past his prime in their book. Orcs thought their prime was between 16-21, and that now he had waited too long and that he would never find woman at 25 because all the good ones were already married with kids and that the divorcees with kids often had more problems than they were worth, or so the opinion was. But when they found out about you and Pierce told them your story, while they were sad that you were widowed, they were just so happy and relieved that you were available and that Pierce had scooped you up at the perfect time because Pierce and Dura spoke of all the best qualities in not just a good woman but an ideal one as well.  

When Pierce’s parents and two other siblings and their families arrived from out of town, it took all you had not to start hyperventilating as Pierce had to lay his hands on your shoulders before he held your face to keep you looking at him and breathe with you to get you not to panic to keep you together before they walked into the kitchen, Bula and Khan’s eyes going really wide as their jaws dropped to see all the food as did Pierce’s other sister Pritha and her husband Azuk and Pierce’s brother Gorgo and his wife Shagar and all their kids’ jaws all dropped too as they gasped in astonishment.

“Holy shit.” They all breathed when they saw the spread before they met you as you shook all their hands and introduced yourself and your family to them and Darcy was thankfully very charming and to your relief all of them welcoming you with open arms and hugging you tight, Pierce’s mother, sister and sister in law fawning over you and your beads and Pierce’s brother and brother in law and father all hugged you again two more times when you showed them the standing rib roasts and coolers full of ice and beer and the kegs before they all proposed to you for Pierce which got you and your family to laugh as you “jokingly” accepted as they all took pictures of the absolutely epic feast and dug into the appetizers as the other elements of the dinner were finishing up getting ready because Dura had told them to not eat before they came and to bring their appetites and they had taken a leap of faith and listened to her and were so grateful they had because this was enough food to feed an army and not just a lot of food, very high quality food too, they had never eaten a feast this amazing before this was like all the major holiday dinners rolled into one and then multiplied by a thousand. And once the dinner was ready and put on the table, Khan said grace over the meal and officially welcomed you into the family and thanked the gods for bringing you and your family into their family and making it whole and complete during the prayer which choked you and your family up before everyone dug in. Thankfully Dura had a formal dining room with a table long enough to seat everyone and big enough to hold the giant feast on while having to add another table just for the kids and it was perfect.

Everyone had so much fun and gorged themselves and Darcy got so many new cousins who were around her age as you sat between Pierce and his mother while your father and Khan sat side by side and got to know each other better and got on famously as if they had always been the best of friends and even made plans to go fishing together since they both loved fishing as you and Bula got to know each other better and both of you relieved that the other was as nice as you were hoping- as Bula especially was absolutely tickled to have you as a prospective daughter in law because your beads were clearly engagement and wedding beads so she knew it was only going to be a matter of time before you would be officially engaged in human terms and started to mentally plan your wedding in her head and she could see what her son loved about you and was heartbroken when she heard how bad your health was and swore that Pierce would take care of you forever and that you fit right in and even though you went way overboard with this feast, she understood why you did it, but it was, by far, the best meal she and the rest of her family ever had and you were requested to make every holiday family meal from then on out which you agreed to as Dura readily offered her house to be the host house until you and Pierce built one of your own with an exaggerated wink which got you and Pierce to laugh and smile bashfully at each other as his arm rested possessively over your shoulders again as you cuddled into his side. During the meal you got to acquire everyone’s phone numbers and addresses since they were all wanting to be the first ones to get a wedding invitation since you had ‘agreed’ to the proposals which you took in stride and grace and agreed to.

Thankfully Pierce and Dura had told everyone about how you became a widow before this so that never came up in conversation but it was a very common sentiment that they were all happy you were free to join their family and they had all put a little bit of pressure on Pierce to not fuck things up with you and to do whatever it took to keep you, which he took in stride and with grace too and assured and reassured everyone that he was already on it and he wasn’t going to let you get away, not without the fight of his life but that didn’t quite keep his sister Pritha’s skeptical nature from being voiced.

“Are you sure she’s not a gold digger? You’re moving awfully fast and I’m just worried this meal is a trap for us to like her and not question her motives and are you sure you didn’t over-bead her?” Pritha, nicknamed ‘Prissy’ by her siblings behind her back, whispered to Pierce as she stood in the kitchen and refilled her wine glass with sangria as Pierce was refilling his own cup with beer from one of the kegs as Dura was getting seconds and overheard Prissy’s objection to you and came over to investigate.

“Are you serious right now? She has social anxiety coupled with a perfectionism complex. She was practically hyperventilating before you guys came because she was afraid you guys wouldn’t like her and she’s the sweetest most genuine person ever. Besides she has her own money. Her husband had multiple life insurance policies through work and his parents had a really big life insurance policy on their son for her too because they didn’t think what he had was enough. Plus she has...” Dura quickly defended, having figured Pritha would be the most skeptical but she needed to defend you.

“She’s set for life Pritha, and she’s just trying her best to make the best impression she can and to make us all happy and doing everything she can to learn and be mindful and embracing of our culture and differences so she’s not offensive in any way. And if anything she’s under-beaded and she’s earned every single one of them too and if she had married our kind the first time around she would be even more spectacularly beaded than she is now and you can bet that prissy ass of yours that she wouldn’t be free to join our family and I would be shit out of luck. Plus she’s smart with her money, she paid off all her debt, bought her house and all her cars outright and cut herself a check for a year’s expenses and is sitting on the rest and earning interest off of it and lives below her means and she tries her hardest not to spoil Darcy because she grew up really poor, like way poorer than we ever did. She told me that when she was really young they only had $20 for groceries to feed a family of four for a week and all her sisters and her parents confirmed that story. She grew up eating lentils, beans and rice and off brand cereal and whatever they could grow in the garden or fish in the lakes and streams in the Great Lakes area or whatever meat her dad could hunt, usually deer. That kind of poor. And so this feast isn’t supposed to impress us with how lavish she’s expecting to live when we get married, it’s just something nice she wanted to do and could do and do so comfortably even though I nearly threw up when she went through the check out lane but she very happily paid for all the food and I practically had to twist her arm off just so that I could pay for the kegs and she has not asked for a dime from me since I met her, I’ve offered to help cover the expense of the meal and she flat out refused and even her parents or her sisters have offered to chip in at least and she’s turned them down too. And she actually uses her means to help take care of her parents too because she’s a very dutiful daughter and she believes in traditional family values and taking care of her parents in their old age and will probably be more than willing to do the brunt of the work taking care of our parents if she gets half a chance, I mean look at her and mom right now, you’d think they were already related. Plus she suffers from chronic illnesses so even if she looks ok, she struggles physically with things like endurance and stamina, this for her was a very big burst of activity so she’ll need a few days at least to rest and recover so cut her a lot of slack. She’s refused the financial help because she doesn’t want what’s happening right now happening but at least she accepts help in the form of actual cooking, all of us pitched in so she didn’t do this all by herself.” Pierce cut his sister off, not wanting Dura to mention your settlements because he didn’t want Pritha to suddenly shift from accusing you of being a gold digger to being one herself because he had helped Pritha with her bills on more than one occasion and he didn’t want anyone in his family to take advantage of you as he gave Pritha a meaningful look as Pritha considered all of that and realized she may have been too quick to judge you.

“And I had to twist her arm off to pay for the ingredients to the sangria, everything else she firmly insisted she pay for on her own and just showed up with, she’s just naturally really generous, the way people who grew up really poor often are.” Dura added.

“Ok, fine, I’m sorry, jeez.” Pritha dropped it before she continued to enjoy the downright heavenly meal.

Two months later Pierce, yourself, Darcy and Bro checked into a hotel that had it’s own water park next to Cedar Point and once in, Darcy and Bro immediately got dressed into their swimsuits as did you and Pierce before you went down to the water park and once Darcy and Bro were good and immersed, Pierce and yourself swam over to the swim up bar and ordered drinks to enjoy while Darcy and Bro swam around and went down the water slides.

“This is awesome.” You sighed wistfully as you drank your fruity mixed drink as you cuddled into Pierce’s side as he wrapped his arm around possessively around you.  

“It is.” Pierce agreed as he sipped his beer, humming in delight as he rubbed your arm affectionately.

“I’m glad we could get away this weekend, I’ve been looking forward to this all year.” You admitted.

“Yeah me too,” Pierce nodded as he tried not to grin too mischievously. You two had grown so inexplicably close since you two first met and both of you acted and treated each other as if you were already married and by now, everyone had come to accept it, everyone in your family giving you their blessing while your friends and in-laws made their peace with it while Pierce from that weekend on spent every weekend with you, usually at your house with the occasional exception of when Darcy would spend the weekend at her grandparents house so you could spend the weekend at his place or simply enjoyed having the house to yourselves and not have to be subdued in your affections in front of Darcy. And from that weekend on there was quickly a routine that sprung up. He always met you at the Rex Plex on Friday after he got out of work, flowers for you and flowers for Darcy always in hand because both of you loved to get flowers and he could afford to get you some at the flower shop down the street from work and after giving you and Darcy your flowers- before Darcy would get drawn in to play again with the other kids, would give you a wonderful romp in the family bathroom before relaxing and enjoying an evening watching Hayden play as you usually brought dinner for the three of you in a crock pot before he would come home with you and spend the weekend with you and Darcy or even when Darcy spent the weekend with her grandparents, you really got to enjoy your weekend with Pierce and be as loud as you wanted to be. This trip to Cedar Point was your birthday present from Pierce and one that you were eager to accept it and Pierce had gone all out on it. He had booked you a suite that had it’s own bedroom with a bunk bed for Darcy and Bro which gave you and Pierce plenty of privacy.  

The next morning you all were walking into Cedar Point before you were stopped by a photographer to get a picture of your family as you were coming in which Pierce insisted you should do and as you stood and posed for the picture Pierce surprised you by getting down on one knee next to you and proposed. You gasped and the photographer snapped several shots of it as a crowd had gathered around you to applaud and cheer when you immediately had said yes and started crying as Pierce slipped a ring that while it was similar to the one you had first shown him, it was actually way prettier and way bigger than the one you showed him too, it was a whole 5 carats and an emerald cut rather than the cushion cut and it was spectacular and then he dipped you to kiss you which was also the best thing ever. You cried even more when Pierce then presented Darcy with a ‘promise bracelet’ an actual diamond tennis bracelet that he was going to look after her and take care of her and love her as the best father figure he could be and Darcy was crying herself and hugged him as he knelt before her while Bro recorded it all and cried happily too. Once you and Darcy regained your composure, you all headed for the wrist band booth to get the wrist bands to cut all the lines before you went straight to the new coaster to ride that. Once in line you and Darcy took a moment to appreciate your ring and her bracelet and immediately uploaded a new ‘family photo’ of Pierce, Darcy and yourself taken by Bro as Pierce had picked Darcy up and had you under the other arm so that your heads would be relatively together and it was Pierce’s brightest happiest smile ever. You posted it on all social media and then after a magnificent weekend in Cedar Point, Pierce finally moved in with Darcy’s stamp of approval and the first thing Pierce moved in was actually a huge box from Lush that had two of every single bath bomb they had- along with dozens of other bath bombs he had gotten from all over and Darcy was thrilled and when Pierce announced that he would also take her to get her ears pierced, she was beyond sold and immediately and happily started calling him ‘Dad’ which got you and Pierce to choke up. That and now she had two dogs who slept with her, Pierce’s dog Copper and her own dog Max before Pierce even got her a kitten too and you didn’t even bother getting upset that he was spoiling her rotten, if it was anyone else doing so though, it would have been a different story.

Pierce took the week off of work to not only get himself moved into your house but to also go with you  and the Realtor around before you came upon a large parcel of land that had a very dilapidated old farm house but the barn was still in good condition and it even had a corral and fenced in pastures for horses that had been used for cattle before and was coded farmland so that you could own farm animals. It was perfect. You bought it on the spot and bulldozed the house to the ground to make room to build your dream house which Pierce, Darcy and yourself all worked on together to make sure it was everything you could ever want and fixed the barn up all while planning your wedding so that the house would be done by the time the wedding took place so that after the wedding, your family could officially move in. It was perfect.

#exophilia #modern orc #orc boyfriend #monster boyfriend #monster love #monster lemon #I didn't mean to take this long to update it #but tada #Pierce and i part 6 #where I give myself a happily ever after #and completely indulge myself and give myself a fantasy in a perfect world

[saintheartwing]

Ingrate

Kris has had enough of being controlled. Now the SOUL that's been making use of him is going to learn what it feels like to be powerless. Or so he thought. Because the SOUL has something to say. It's going to speak its mind, and Kris is going to listen.

It had been an amazing day indeed. How often did a teenage kid like Kris Dreemurr get to go a whole other world, hidden away inside a school closet?

But that had been what happened. The brown haired, half Asian-American kid with dark brown eyes had dreamed of fantastic worlds along with his adoptive family, the Dreemurrs, a family of monsters, "puca", specifically, a goat-like monster with adorable white fur, floppy ears that hung down, little horns atop their heads, and lots and lots of love in their hearts. He and Asriel Dreemurr had been dear brothers for well over a decade, and Kris had been surprised as all heck to see…

An all too familiar figure had been waiting for them inside "The Dark World". Clad in a big fancy green magician's hat and cloaked robe and with a scarf of pink, Ralsei, another goat-like monster had greeted them, with his face so obscured by the big hat he wore that cast such a large shadow that, combined with deep depths of the Dark World he'd been in, it had been impossible to tell what Ralsei had truly looked like, but when he'd taken the hat off, it was clear Ralsei was that doll, that special Doll Asriel and he had played with as a child. The doll they'd drawn glasses on and played with along with little checkers and chess pieces and playing cards and other toys.

Somehow, Kris wasn't sure how, those toys they'd loved and cherished as children were alive, and real. Truly, genuinely real, and they'd missed the "Lighteners" from the other side of their world, who had once played with them so long ago. And so, Kris had decided, along with his surprising new friend, Susie, a purple-scaled, dinosaur-esque monster with long, frizzy hair, to come back tomorrow and have even more grand adventures with Ralsei and with that adorable little tub of silly lard, Lancer.

It had been dangerous, to be sure. They'd had to fight off laser eye blasting rook-like monsters and bust out of jail, and fight off three-headed cat-like monsters and hordes of creatures themed after chess! It was like Alice in Wonderland but twisted! And all that just to head back home! Granted, being in the Dark World had changed Kris's appearance, given he and Susie a new change in dress, giving Kris knightly armor and a majestic sword, far different from his long-sleeve, light green shirt with a yellow stripe across it and dark brown pants to match his brown loafer shoes, but it'd still been hard just to not outright die! He had been sure he was going to die at the hands of Lancer's father, the cruel, unjust and downright meanspirited and cowardly king, but thankfully, they'd managed to not only beat him, but get the rest of his kingdom to overthrow him.

After all, Kris had continuously spared monster after monster he'd fought. The king wasn't so merciful.

Now though, as a quilt of dark clouds covered the town, it obscured just about everything but a very faint spot where moonlight shimmered down, casting a single soft beam into the bedroom Kris Dreemurr slept in for the briefest of moments, the room he'd shared with his beloved Asriel. His brother's side was still covered in glow in the dark stars, fancy pancy winner's trophies, a desk with a clock and a lamp, and a high school diploma. Asriel was off at university, it'd be several years before Kris graduated.

On Kris's side, there wasn't much but his desk, his lamp, his bed…and a banged up little red wagon with a cage in it. A cage that had some blood splattered all about it on the carpet.

Why?

Well, when the moonlight faintly filtered in through the window, Kris stirred. He shuddered and quaked, a spasm rippling through him as he flopped out of bed, shuffling as if he was an undead, seeking the brains of the living, taking a few shambling, stuttering steps forward. He took in a deep breath, a croaking, horrific groaning noise rising out from his mouth as he held out his hand, flexing his fingers, and then…

He plunged them into his chest. He suppressed a scream of pain, yanking it back out as he held up a distinct red heart that softly pulsated in his grip, throbbing. BA-BUMP. BA-BUMP.

He trotted towards the wagon, moving slowly, and then he tossed it into the cage, the door to it slamming shut behind the soul as it flitted around within, desperately flailing about as Kris returned to the middle of the room, shambling back, his footsteps ringing through the room as he held up his hand again, and slowly but surely manifested a horrific-looking knife with a gleaming white blade and a dark brown handle. Evidently that sword he had had in the Dark World hadn't come from nowhere after all.

He turned around, his red eye fixated upon that cage, and the heart, the red SOUL of "Determination" that laid within the cage, and he grinned, his smile the work of demons.

"At long, long last." He whispered out. "Now I can get even. Now I can have my revenge for what you did." He murmured. "Making me do what you wanted. Speaking for me. Using my body like a puppet. The entire time we've been in the Dark World, time after time, moment after moment, I had to watch as my body was ridden like a car by somebody else. In this world and the Dark World, to my own family, my friends, my enemies, I had to do what you made my body do, and I had no say in it. Well, now I do. And now you're gonna pay, and you're gonna pay hard." Kris darkly growled, grinning foully. "I've had enough of you exploiting me. Had enough of your stupid little puppeteering. You think this is all a game? You think you can strip my choices from me? Well, you're the one without any choices now. All you can do is sit in there and suffer and DIE!" Kris roared out, holding the knife high as he approached the cage. "I want to see how many times I can stab you before you finally-"

"Ingrate." The SOUL said, the red, heart-shaped thing pulsing strongly, almost blinding Kris with its light as Kris's dark brown eyes that had briefly flared red with his own faintly murderous rage blinked.

"…what…did you just say?"

"You're an ingrate. You should be thanking me."

"For-for what?!" Kris gasped out. He couldn't believe the gall, the audacity, the sheer balls on this stupid invasive soul for what it was saying. "For using me like a big old mascot suit?!"

"For saving your life over and over. When Rudinn and Hathy and their ilk showed up, who convinced them to stop fighting us, to spare us, and to go on their way? I did." The Soul told him. "Who helped you heal up from those awful battle wounds? I did. Who figured out how to solve those clock puzzles? Who found those secret items that helped you so much in the fight against the King? Who figured out how to spare the various monsters from the Jigsaws to the Checker King to the Ponman? Who helped you dodge all those horrible attacks from lasers to missiles to just outright keeping from being stomped on by a giant checker piece? I did, me, yours truly, so what can I say except…you're welcome!"

Kris couldn't believe what he was hearing. His mouth hung open. His hand dropped the knife and it fell to the floor with a clatter as he stared, outraged at the nerve of this dumb thing.

"You were using my body as a puppet! I had no control over any of it! How would YOU like it if somebody was forcing you to do things against your will?!" Kris snapped angrily.

"Would you prefer I let you die?" The Soul inquired angrily.

"You don't know that I would have died!"

"I didn't have any control over you when the King tried to "surrender". That was all you, Kris. And sure, you saved Susie, and then what happened? You almost got strangled to death by the king. You didn't notice he was about to attack you when he did his sneak attack, didn't have the strength to fight back against him when he plucked you up, and who do you think was giving Susie help when she was separated from you two and Ralsei and in the other jail? Yeah, that's right, me, reaching out to her!" The Soul told him. "You're a fifteen year old kid, you got NO game when it comes to this stuff!"

"Oh, and you somehow do? Because that's what all this is to you, a game?" Kris inquired, hissing angrily, getting up in the cage, in the SOUL'S face, shaking it about. "My life is just a game to you?!"

"You think you're the only one without choices?" The Soul finally roared back, Kris dropping the cage, staring in surprise, as real sorrow and rage seemed to rise up in the thing's voice. "I didn't ask to be put into you, Kris! Nobody told me I was gonna get stuck in you! I wanted a body of my own. I wanted to be a part of your life, sure, but to help you as myself, and I couldn't do that! So you know what I didn't do? I didn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, whining about how I didn't get what I wanted. I got off my ass and I took action and I made what choices I could to save your life. Because just waking up in the morning and going out there, putting yourself out for others, that's a choice. It's a big choice, a choice to keep going. The choice to do the right thing! People get it every single day, and I try to choose to do the right thing. I'm sorry I had to take control of your body! But I didn't have any choice about it either! You should just be glad that what I did helped you! There were a dozen times I could have had you do something to hurt people but I didn't, Kris! But not once did you ever think that maybe I wasn't such a bad person. All you've ever done is yell or whine or complain about everything I've done, even when I was saving your life! Couldn't you just be grateful once?!" The Soul cried out. "All I want to do is help. All I've ever done is help, and you act like I'm the monster, when you're the one trying to murder someone helpless and scared and locked in a fucking cage, you goddamn coward!"

With that, the Soul's frame stopped pulsating, and it seemed to flop backwards, almost panting and heaving, having finally worn itself out as Kris quietly stared back. He looked deep at the Soul, staring for what seemed to be a long time before he finally looked to the side, chewing on his lip a little.

"I…I get that…you did a lot that helped me. And…let's say I buy that you didn't have a choice. But…that doesn't mean I don't feel used and forced into doing things against my will. It doesn't change how I feel."

"That's fine." The Soul said. "I'm sorry. I really am. But you're acting like a real jerk right now. How you feel doesn't change the fact I saved your life a bunch of times. And my feeling that you ought to be grateful for that is just as valid as you feeling you've been used, isn't it?" The Soul said. "I mean, you didn't even ask for my name." It went on with a sigh.

"…okay. What is your name?" Kris inquired as he rose up slowly and dusted himself off.

"My name's Frisk." The Soul told him. "Where I'm from, Toriel, Asgore, Mr. Sans, Mrs. Alphys, they were all dear friends to me. I've got a lot to talk to you about."

"Maybe in the morning." Kris remarked. "I am dead tired."

And with that, he flopped backwards on the carpet, and drifted off into slumber, the moonlight softly lilting in through the window on his face as Frisk's SOUL, in turn sighed.

"…goodnight, Kris." He intoned. "Goodnight room, goodnight moon."

#deltarune #undertale #frisk #frisk (undertale) #kris deltarune #kris #drama #fanfic #fanfiction #fanfics

[our-smooty]

If It Ain’t Broke

Fandom: Gorillaz

Rating: Mature

Relationships: None

Tags: suicidal thoughts, self harm, drugs and alcohol

Summary: 4 times Murdoc needed help and the one time he accepted it

Murdoc held the lighter to his skin, watching the flame burn. It didn’t hurt as much as it should have thanks to the copious amount of alcohol and speed in his system. Honestly, he was a little disappointed; the pain was one of the best parts. Quite quickly a reddened spot appeared, getting worse and worse until the Satanist couldn’t stand the heat any longer. What was left after he flicked the lighter closed was an anger blister, one of numerous on that arm.

FuckingDisgustingAddictPoserPieceOfShitNoOneWouldCareIfYou--

A rapid, loud banging on the washroom door broke him out of his trance. He’s nearly forgotten where he was.

“Hey asshole!” someone called through the wood. “People are waiting out here!”

Murdoc swore gruffly. “Piss off! Go find another shitter. We’ve got lots of them!” Why had he thought throwing a house party was a good idea? Now it sounded like the guy outside was kicking the door. The bassist really didn’t have the energy to deal with this, though that could be fixed with a bump of speed.

He let the idiot keep smashing on the door as he got his fix and cleaned himself up. Pulling down the sleeves of his grey shirt and fiddling with the lock, Murdoc swung the door inward. The dullard on the other side was mid-kick, and the sudden removal of the door caused him to stumble forward onto the bathroom floor. Murdoc cackled.

“Serves you right,” he snarked, stepping over the fallen man and out into the hallway. The others in line for the loo were quiet now that they realized who had occupied it. The bassist leered at partygoers as he passed, stalking off to the living room where he knew his bandmates would be.

“Murdoc!” 2D cried as he walked through the doorway. The singer had a bird under each arm and a joint in hand as he lounged on the sofa. Russel was sitting at the--normally cluttered-dining room table playing cards with a group. Noodle was nowhere to be seen, though that wasn’t surprising, given that she was only 10 years old and the house was full of drugs and other illicit activities.

Murdoc didn’t answer the kid, choosing instead to head straight to the liquor cabinet and grab a bottle of whiskey. His high from the speed was kicking into gear and his knees were shaking, though he never would have admitted it out loud. Instead, he slunk over to the other couch and sat slouched into the peeling leather.

“Where’d you go, Muds. We missed you!” Satan did the singer ever shut up? Now he had the girls cooing and tittering over in his direction. Normally he would have slid over and stolen the birds from the other, but his heart just wast in it tonight.

“None of your sodding business,” he snapped, swigging from the bottle. 2D continued to smile--the simpleton probably didn’t even know he’d been insulted. Murdoc watched him go right back to chatting with the ladies without a care in the world. His arm burned and he resisted the urge to scratch.

“What crawled up your ass and died?” Russel asked from the table. Murdoc’s nails dug into his palms and the skin under his sleeve throbbed. He felt the familiar heat of rage bubbling up from his stomach into his throat.

“Fuck off lard-arse!” he felt himself screaming. Before he knew it he was throwing the bottle, smashing it against the wall beside the TV. The women on the sofa began to shriek, and 2D jumped up, hands flying all over the place.

“Holy Hell, Murdoc!” he shouted, taking a step towards the bassist, and then back again with his hands outstretched. Murdoc was panting now, though he wasn’t sure why.

Russel stood and set his cards down, motioning to the others at the table to leave, then turned towards Murdoc. “Are we gonna have a problem, Murdoc?”

The drummer was so much bigger than him, and had already proved himself of taking Murdoc down. His nose was a testament to that. But still he was so angry for no reason and his heart was pounding. Maybe a fight would help him calm down. With three quick steps, he was up in the drummer's face, swinging wide.

He didn’t even remember hitting the floor.

“Where is Murdoc?”

Noodle was standing in the center of the studio, guitar plugged in and ready to play. Russel sat behind his drum kit reading a magazine and 2D was fiddling with one of his keyboards in the corner. The only member missing was the bassist.

“Probably still sleepin’,” Russel sighed, flipping the page. Noodle frowned.

“He knew we had practice this morning, yes?” she asked. Stu looked up from his keyboard to nod and shrug.

“I told him, but you know how he is,” he answered. This was so like their oldest member; make promises and then completely flake. She was getting really tired of his attitude.

Noodle threw off her guitar and stomped out the studio door. Neither Russel or 2D tried to stop her, they knew better than to get in her way. She could probably take them both out and barely break a sweat.

The guitarist strode through Kong towards the car park, the heels of her boots clacking loudly. No longer was she the little 10-year old running through the halls. Noodle was a force to be reckoned with now, something that Murdoc would come to learn in a few minutes.

When she got to the carpark it was silent. Normally when Murdoc was in his Winnebago it was filled with the sound of loud music and other debauched activities. It looked like 2D was right when he said the bassist was probably sleeping, though that wouldn’t save him from their youngest members wrath.

“Murdoc!” she shouted, banging on the door with her fist. No sound came from inside, but the door was locked so she knew the bassist was in there. “Murdoc! You are late for our practice!”

There was significant rattling and clanking from inside. The door swung open and Noodle only just had time to step back to avoid getting hit. “Who the fuck is poundin’ on my soddin’ door!”

Murdoc was a mess. As usual, he was mostly naked, though Noodle was eternally grateful he was still wearing underwear. His cape was missing, and he only had one boot on. His normally tidy but greasy mop-top was in disarray, and the bags under his eyes were ten-fold. But that wasn’t what Noodle noticed most.

“Kore wa Nan desu ka? You are injured!” she grabbed at his arms, pulling them forward. There were cuts and burns dotting both of them and covering up old scars. A trickle of fear and concern broke through her previously furious mood.

Murdoc flinched and pulled back, retreating into the Winnebago. Noodle followed him before he could lock the door, stepping over debris and clothing. The bassist was rifling through said clothing for something to cover up with, muttering to himself.

“What are you doin’ here Noodle?” he asked, voice rough as he pulled on a long-sleeve shirt. The injuries disappeared under the cloth, and she had to wonder how she’d never seen his scars before.

“We have band practice,” she answered, watching him. “You promised you would be there.”

Murdoc swore and ran a hand through his hair. “Shit. I forgot.” He was stumbling around now, hopping into a pair of trousers that looked well beyond their lifespan.

“I’ll be there inna minute, Noodle,” he said, still not looking at her as he fumbled around for his other shoe. It was a little sad, and her concern increased.

“Are you alright?” Some of those injuries looked recent and swollen.

“Perfectly fine, Noodle-girl. Jus’ slept in a lil’, that’s all.” He was most certainly lying. He’d opened the door much too quickly for him to have been passed out after a night of drinking. She frowned.

“Do not treat me like a child,” she insisted, striding towards him and grabbing his arm again. “I am not stupid, Murdoc.”

He deflated a little, the fake smile he’d plastered on sliding from his lips. Pants on but not buttoned he sat heavily on the bed, hanging his head.

“I don’t--Can we not talk about this?” he asked, gaze trained on the floor. She knew that he knew what the injuries were, where they’d come from. But she didn’t know what to do about it; for all her eagerness, she was still only a teen. So she sighed and nodded, turning back towards the door.

“Please, be careful,” she asked before walking down the Winne steps. He didn’t say anything as she left. Before swinging the door closed the looked back at him. “Do not worry about practice, we will reschedule.”

When Noodle got back to the studio, 2D and Russel were jamming, riffing off of each other in a lazy sort of way. They stopped when she entered, obviously looking at the doorway behind her. It was obviously empty.

“Did you kill him?” 2D asked, and the warble in his voice gave away that he was only half-kidding. Russel chuckled.

“He will not be joining us today. We will have to practice tomorrow,” Noodle informed them neutrally, moving to put her neglected guitar away. 2D shrugged and started to pack up while Russel tossed his sticks to the side.

“What, was he too drunk to bother showing up?” he asked. Noodle wasn’t sure what to say to either of them. Should she tell them what she saw? Should she keep Murdoc’s secret? It felt like she had half the pieces to a puzzle, with the other half nowhere in sight.

“He is ill,” was what she settled on. For now Noodle would keep Murdoc’s secret, at least until she could figure out what the best thing to do would be.

2D was settling into life on Plastic Beach, if you could call it that. After the first week he discovered that most of the time, Murdoc forgot to lock him in his room or order the Cyborg to do it. So he spent most of his time not recording wandering the island avoiding the foul-tempered bassist.

Sometimes though, he wasn’t so successful. It had been at least two weeks since Murdoc sent the Cyborg for a supply run, and he was getting tired of eating cereal for every meal. They hadn’t been recording anything either, so the singer hadn’t had the chance to ask if and when they’d be getting more of anything. If he wanted to find out, he’d have to seek out the other willingly.

“Uh, Murdoc?” he called, knocking on the other’s bedroom door. Cyborg was nowhere to be seen, which made him uneasy. It was always creeping around making those God-awful mechanical sounds.

When he heard nothing from inside he tried the handle--it was unlocked. Very slowly he pushed the door open just enough for him to stick his head inside. It was dark, as usual, and empty. Plastic Beach wasn’t exactly massive, where could  Murdoc be hiding?

He got his answer in a loud clattering coming from Murdoc’s en-suite bathroom, followed by Cyborgs usual beeps. Taking care to not step on anything important the singer made his way over to the bathroom, peering through the doorway.

Inside Cyborg was standing in front of the tub, an open first aid hit at its feet. On the edge of the tub sat Murdoc, shirtless and bedraggled and most certainly drunk. 2D stared as Cyborg meticulously wrapped one of the bassist’s hands in gauze. His other hand was still unwrapped and sat bloody and bruised in his lap. Had Murdoc gotten into a fight? There was no one else on the island since they’d finished with the last contributor. And fighting didn’t explain the other scratches and scars littering his entire upper body.

“Please give me your other hand, Master,” Cyborg said, placing the wrapped one down. Murdoc winced as he held it up, looking longingly at the half-empty bottle of rum on the floor. As his eyes slid over the rest of the bathroom, his gaze landed on 2D peeking in through the doorway. Stu gulped and stepped back, sure that he was in for a beating.

“That you, Faceache?” Murdoc sounded tired and cranky, never a good sign. 2D could probably outrun him, but then who knew when he’d seen the man again. And he was really, really tired of cereal.

“Y-yeah, it’s me Muds,” he answered, stepping into the bathroom fully. The smell of antiseptic stung his nose. Murdoc swatted the Cyborg away and stood with some effort. He was much drunker than the singer first thought.

“Th’fuck d’you want?” he slurred. 2D had the sinking suspicion that if Murdoc hadn’t been so uselessly drunk he would have been spitting mad.

Hands drawn up and fingers twiddling, 2D warbled, “W-well there’s no food, ‘cept cereal a-and expired milk.”

Murdoc wobbled dangerously, and the Cyborg shot a hand out to support him. A sick feeling ran through the singer as he looked on. Murdoc had been frightening and intense when they lived at Kong, but now he looked like an old, unstable drunk. It was honestly sad, and Stu felt a stab of pity for the other.

“Y-y-you,” Murdoc stuttered, pointing a shaky finger in the singer’s face. “The fuck d-d-’you know?”

2D raised an eyebrow, still wary but not as scared. He could definitely get away from Murdoc right now if he had to; it’d been a long time since he saw the other this drunk. “I think I know when the cupboards are empty, Muds.”

Cyborg took this moment to pipe up. “It has been approximately 15 days since the last supply run.” Murdoc growled

“I knew that, y-you bucket of bolts!” 2D flinched. This wasn’t going at all like he’d imagined. After seeing the bassist in this state, 2D was less worried about supplies and more worried about his health.

“Murdoc, a-are you alrigh’?” he asked, reaching out to put a hand on the Satanist’s arm. Murdoc winced and drew back, nearly falling into the tub.

“I’m fu-fuckin’ fine,” he said, face going pale.  Blood began to drip from his untreated hand. Not two seconds later he was pushing 2D out of the way and retching into the toilet bowl. All that came up was bile and, presumably, alcohol.

“I dunno... you’re hurt an’ you look pretty rough, mate.” Was Murdoc even his mate anymore? He’d beat him and kidnapped him and treated him like shit for years now, but something about seeing the other man so broken made 2D forget most of that. His mother had always said his kind nature would get him into trouble one of these days. “Why don’t you go lay down for a bit?”

“Sod off!” Murdoc shouted, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand and staggering to his feet.

2D persisted. “I don’t think that’s a good idea mate…” But Murdoc was angry now, advancing towards the singer with a hard glint in his eye. 2D recognized that look and decided it might be time to make his escape.

“Get the fuck out!” he screamed, making a grab for the singer’s shirt. 2D dodged and scampered out of the room with a small squeak. So much for trying to be nice, or getting more food. It looked like he’d be eating cereal for a while longer.

One of the main perks of being so huge and living on the roof was that Russel had a good amount of privacy from the rest of the band. Minus the occasional car and passerby, it was almost peaceful. Well, at least it usually was.

For the last couple of weeks, at around 3 am every morning, one of his bandmates had started causing a racket. It was mostly thumps and bumps, like someone pounding on the walls, and in general, he could sleep through it, but he was still curious. 2D and Noodle weren’t usually the type to be so discourteous, though sometimes the singer would forget the expected social niceties. Russel had his suspicions that it was Murdoc making all the noise, but he hadn’t been able to catch the man in the act. Until one night.

As usual, the banging began around 3. Unusually, Russel was still awake, having been in the clutches of a transient spell of insomnia for a few days. It was definitely coming from the part of the house where Murdoc’s room was, and this time Russel was determined to tell the older man off. Carefully he leaned down to his bedroom window, using one giant finger to tap on the glass.

“Yo Muds,” he whispered, “what the fuck are you doin’ in there man?”

The banging stopped abruptly, and Russel tried to see inside to locate the other man. It was incredibly dark like the bassist had intentionally removed all the light fixtures from the room. While squinting through the window, the drummer was caught by surprise when Murdoc appeared at the glass, yanking the dirty pane up and open to stick his head out.

“What’re you shouting abou'?” he drawled, the unmistakable stench of alcohol and cigarette smoke leaking from the open window. Russel’s nose crinkled in disgust.

“I’m asking you what the hell you’re doing to make all the noise every night,” he repeated. Murdoc rolled his eyes and took a drag of the smoke he was sucking on.

“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, Russel.”

The drummer huffed. “Like hell you don’t.”

Murdoc blew his lungful of smoke out the window, and subsequently into Russel’s face with a smirk. “Did I disturb your beauty sleep?”

“Fuck you,” Russel snarled, choosing to return to his rooftop and ignore the disgusting man. As he retreated he could hear Murdoc’s croaky laugh echoing into the night.

But the drummer wasn’t going to give up that easily. Still unable to sleep the next night, he lay and waited for Murdoc to start up again, and like clockwork, the banging began. This time, Russel was quiet about it, leaning down to peek through the window and hopefully catch the other in the act. He looked through the glass, willing his eyes to adjust and see whatever was going on.

Like the night before it was completely dark, but that didn’t stop the drummer. He was patient, waiting until his eyes adjusted enough to be able to see into the room. Inside he could see the piles of trash and other junk that was omnipresent in any space Murdoc stayed in for long. In the far corner, there was a bed covered in lumpy sheets. As Russel watched, the sheets shifted violently, a green arm coming into view for a brief second.

He was about to look away, almost certain he was about to see something he really didn’t want to when he heard a muffled, shout that sounded far from sexual. Suddenly, Murdoc sat up, his arms flailing and bumping into the walls, making a familiar banging noise. Had Murdoc been having nightmares this whole time?

“Sweet Satan!” the bassist screamed upon noticing Russel lurking outside of his window. Russel winced--he really should have seen that coming--and opened the window with one massive finger.

“Uh, hey Muds,” he said, a bit embarrassed to have been caught. “Sorry I scared ya.”

Murdoc had the covers draw up over his chest, eyes wide. He wasn’t even trying to play it cool, Russel had scared him silly. “W-w-what the fuck are y-you doin’ at m-m-my window!?”

“You were thumpin’ around again so I decided to check up on you.” Really he’d wanted to catch the bassist in the act and tell him off, but now that he knew why Murdoc was making so much noise…

“Are you OK man?” Russel asked, watching Murdoc try to quell the shakiness of his limbs. The drummer couldn’t help but feel a little bit worried. Murdoc might have been horrible and rude, but he was still Russel’s friend.

“I’d be a lot be-better without you starin’ i-in my sodding w-window!” The bassist said through chattering teeth. Russel wondered if he should push, or if he should knock on 2D or Noodles window and let them know. But then Murdoc was swinging his legs out of bed and walking towards the window, fist raised and lips drawn back in a snarl. He banged the window shut and drew the curtains with such force one of them ripped off the rod.

Russel didn’t waste time staring at the swaying fabric; if Murdoc wanted to be an asshole, then fine. He huffed and lay back on the roof, staring up at the stars. It wasn’t really his place to be getting into the bassist’s business anyway. Murdoc had made it clear what he thought about the rest of the band.

It was over. He’d made it through the fire to the other side, and he was exhausted. Murdoc had managed to get home to the Spirit House, apologize to the band, and make it safely to his room before breaking down. Finally alone, he crumpled to his knees, ugly but silent sobs bursting from his chest.

Despite the things he’d said online, prison had been absolute hell. He honestly hadn’t thought that he’d make it out alive--and almost didn’t, after his stupid stunt. It might have been worth it to tell the others, to let them know, but every time he tried, he couldn’t get the words out. He’d been close when they’d greeted him with hugs and kind words, so so close. But at the last minute he’d choked up; how do you tell your family about the things that had happened? Story of his life.

But he didn’t want to think of that now. All the awful things he’d done in the past, or had done to him were always in the back of his mind and it was so easy for them to come bubbling out when he was already upset. It was nearly impossible to stop the tears now, and it was getting harder to stay quiet. Shakily, he shoved a knuckle between his teeth, biting down.

He didn’t want to do this anymore, he couldn’t do this, he couldn--

Of course, just as he felt himself shaking apart, there was a quiet knocking at the door. The bassist went stock-still as 2D’s twangy voice filtered in through the wood.

“You in there Murdoc?” he didn’t answer, but the singer didn’t seem put off. “I saw you come up here and I wanted to make sure you were alrigh’.”

Murdoc gasped in an effort to quell his crying and find his voice. Unfortunately, 2D had never been the most curtious person when it came to personal space, and the doorknob was already turning, revealing the singer staring down at Murdoc’s pathetic form.

“Oh uh, what happened?” he asked dumbly. If Murdoc hadn’t been in such a state he would have said something nasty, but as he was all that came out was a choked whine. “Are you hurt?”

He shook his head, finger still jammed between his fangs and dripping blood. 2D finally caught sight of it after the blood began to dribble down the bassist's hand. Immediately, he shot forward, gently pulling the skin away from Murdoc’s grasp and sitting beside him. “Jeeze Muds, don’t hurt yourself.”

Now he had the smaller man’s hand in his, and Stu began running his thumb in comforting circles. “What the matter Murdoc?”

“I-I-I--” He was shaking so bad it nearly looked like convulsions. 2D’s eyes went wide, then softened as he leaned in to slowly wrap an arm around the bassist. It made Murdoc realize how long it’d been since someone actually hugged him.

“Take your time mate, it’s alrigh’,” 2D assured him. Murdoc nodded, though he felt like a complete idiot the entire time. When did he get so soft?

Eventually, he got the shaking under control, mostly thanks to the pressure of Stu’s arm around his shoulders. If he’d been on his own it could have taken hours to calm down, and not without a good bit of alcohol. But 2D was there and warm and familiar in a way Murdoc desperately needed right now, so he let himself be weak just this once.

“Feelin’ better?” the singer asked, giving Murdoc space to shift and get comfortable. Again, he nodded, opening his mouth and taking a deep breath.

“Not really, no.” His voice was wrecked and gruff. “I feel like a total prat.”

“Uh, why?” 2D asked, cocking his head to the side. Murdoc wanted to punch him, but he was afraid he didn’t have the strength to really lift his fist. Instead, he weakly gestured to himself with a sigh.

“Jus’ all of this, s’not d-dignified.” He sniffed and rubbed at how eyes until he saw stars. “Why’d you bother knockin’ if you were jus’ gonna barge in here?”

2D chuckled nervously and shrugged. “I had a gut feelin’ you weren’t doin’ alrigh’ when I saw you downstairs. And then I came up here and your door was locked…” He angled his body toward the bassist, making it clear that the older man wasn’t getting out of this conversation without a fight. “You don’t have to deal with this stuff alone, Muds.”

Murdoc laughed wetly with a grimace. “Y-yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it all before. Spare me the--”

“I’m serious!” 2D interrupted. “Murdoc we’ve known each other a lot of years. And we have a lot of history. But we’re still family, and I don’t like t’see you hurtin’. I care about you, you old sod.”

The truthful tone made Murdoc squirm a little. He’d never been very comfortable sharing his emotions with others, but he really was at the end of his rope. Taking another steadying breath to stave off the tightening in his chest, he looked up at 2D.

“I-I-I don’t know how.”

Stu smiled a little, probably glad Murdoc wasn’t screaming in his face. “You could start by tellin’ me what’s got you so worked up, and then we could go back downstairs and watch a movie with Russel and Noodle.”

He could feel the exhaustion in his limbs and behind his eyes. “I-I don’t think-- I’m tired, D.”

“Maybe you should get some rest then, and we can talk tomorrow?” That sounded incredible.

“Y-yeah, that’d be good,” he agreed. 2D got to his feet and held out a hand to the bassist, crouching down a little because of his height. Murdoc thought about getting up on his own, something about the way the singer kept trying to help him made his stomach churn. But he was also so tired, and he didn’t want to keep pretending to be something he wasn’t, so he took Stu’s hand and let himself be pulled up. It felt like making progress, in a weird way.

#gorillaz #fanfic #murdoc niccals #Stuart Pot #Russel Hobbs #noodle #tw suicide #tw DRUGS AND ALCOHOL #tw self harm

[uas-fics]

Title: The Dark Lord's Offer Summary: The Dark Lord has Bebe kidnapped so he can make her an offer for power. Rating: T for blood and language Ships: Clybe Content Warnings: Death mention Other: Stick of Truth AU

read on ao3

~~~~~

Bebe was not fond of being on the sharpen end of a spear. She had spent years training to be the one at the other end, but for this time only, she allowed herself to be lead down the echoing halls with a spear at her back.

The tower smelt of death and rot. She could taste it in the back of her mouth. Her stomach turned in protest of the sickening stench. How much of the smell came from the undead and disgusting inhabitants, and how much came from necromantic magic of the Dark Lord, she wasn’t sure.

The vampire in front of her held up her hand as a signal to the ogres flanking Bebe to halt. A tall door towered in front of them. A faint, cold breeze squeezed under it and pressed against Bebe's ankles.

The vampire slipped inside, shutting the door behind her.

With the smartest of her capturers gone, Bebe eyed her surroundings  with worry. The hall ended at this door. Shards of broken bone littered the floor. Some of the larger pieces looked as though they had been chewed on.

Maybe the Dark Lord is a dog. Bebe scoffed to herself.

As if hearing her thoughts, one of the ogres picked up larger piece of bone and stuck it between its teeth. She wrinkled up her nose at that.

Ogres were such wretched creatures: simple minded, ugly, smelly, violent, and strong. They followed who ever had the most power. It was no wonder every ogre from all around the lands heeded the Dark Lord's call. There was nothing more powerful than The Stick, and they knew it.

Amongst the stark white shards, something glinted in the light from the wall torches. Bebe fixed her gaze on it.

An arrow head.

She glanced between the ogres flanking her before letting out a gasp and falling to her knees.

"Oh, dear!" She cried in faux pain. "I feel suddenly faint. It must be the stench!" Bebe made sure her hand fell on the arrow head.

"Up!" The ogre ordered. "Up, now, or we stab!" It raised its spear threateningly.

Bebe rolled her eyes, clenching her palm around the arrow head. She stood before sneaking it into her pocket.

"I feel better, thank you for asking." Bebe muttered. She fingered the head a moment. It wasn't as sharp as she had hoped, but there was just enough of the shaft that she could use it as a makeshift dagger if things came to that.

The vampire opened the door then. She nodded to the ogres, who took a step back.

"His Darkness will see you now. Don’t think about trying anything. He is much stronger than you, mortal." The vampire hissed, holding open the door for Bebe.

Bebe squared her shoulders, puffed out her chest, and marched in, the door creaking closed behind her. The breeze blew her cape back. She must have looked particularly heroic at that moment. Good. She wanted this Dark Lord person to be wary of her power.

Shadows shrouded the Dark Lord's throne. Only his knees and stylish purple boots could be seen. He tapped his left foot as Bebe strode up to his throne.

"Why have you kidnapped me?" She demanded before he could speak. "Once my fellow warriors realize I'm missing, they will come. Hell hath no fury as a woman's wrath." She glowered at the darkness.

A rumbling laugh echoed around the throne room. The Dark Lord stood and stepped into the light. Bebe's eyes went wide.

Clyde Donovan smiled at her and held out his arms. It was meant to be a warm smile, but everything about it felt fake.

"Welcome to my tower, Bebe! Sorry I had to have someone escort you, but I didn't want your friends here. You understand, right?" Clyde stopped in front of her. He cranked his head down to look her in the eyes.

The last time they'd seen each other, Clyde was barely the same height as she was. He was a short and stocky, even a little chubby, man, very different than he was now. He towered over her with broad shoulders and a trim body. His eyes, once a warm brown, where now a crimson red. Deep, dark bags sat under them. Bebe wondered when was the last time he had slept.

"Clyde?" Bebe's mouth gaped. "You're the Dark Lord? You stole The Stick?"

Clyde nodded once. "Yes! Isn't it amazing? I built this all, just me. That fat lard of a king was wrong when he said I was useless." A sharp, short laugh escaped his lips. "I showed him, didn't I?"

Bebe shook her head. This didn't make sense. Clyde was a little dense, not evil. He was kind and caring, not a monster who lead an army of the undead from a tower cloaked in night.

"Why did you bring me here?" She asked slowly.

Clyde took another step, invading her personal space. His smiled never wavered, and she suppress a shiver.

"To make an offer." Clyde put a heavy gloved hand on her shoulder and lead her to the large window overlooking his fortress. That must be where the breeze was coming from.

"An offer?" She echoed.

He tried to slip his arm around her waist, but she shook him off.

He gritted his teeth a moment before turning to the window. "We use to be something, Bebe. People envied us. The human warrior and the half-elf spear maiden. No one could stand a love like ours." He clenched his hand into a fist with a smirk. "There were people who would kill for what we had before you left for training."

Bebe pursed her lips and said nothing. His words held no lies. They had been Kupa Keep's power couple for years. Even the elf-hating wizard king had to admit he liked them together. When she received an invitation to train amongst the warrior women of the East, however, she couldn't pass that up. That was her dream, after all.

He turned toward her, his hand held out. "Let's be that again, Bebe. I need a queen beside me when I take over the land, and there is no one better for me than you." His smile spread across his face again, threatening to split him in two. "You deserve to be queen. You're the most beautiful woman in the world, and so strong and smart. Please, stay by my side and rule with me, Bebe."

Bebe's mouth felt dry. She ran her tongue around the inside, trying to sort her thoughts.

She couldn't abandon her comrades in arms. She took an oath to protect the weak and innocent. Even if she could leave, Bebe could never join the Dark Lord's army. She saw what they had done, the lives they took.

A thought struck her.

The Stick of Truth made Clyde all powerful. If she could get it away from him, then, maybe, she could turn the tide of the war back in her side's favor, or even end it.

She took a breath. "Let me see The Stick first." She ordered.

"What?" Clyde took a step back, unease in his face. "Why?"

"I want to know if you really have it, for one." Bebe rolled her eyes. "And for two I want to see if it's as powerful as the myths say."

"Oh, it is!" Clyde reassured. "Just look what I'm able to do now!" He held his hand out the window, palm facing the horizon. A flash, then a blast of magic ripped from his hands onto the distance.

"You can use magic?" Bebe gasped, staring in shock.

Clyde nodded. "I know, right? Me, a guy who has more dwarven blood in him than wizard, being able to do something so powerful? It's all because of The Stick."

"I still want to see it. Show it to me, babe." She pressed, tacking on the pet name as added incentive.

Clyde pressed his lips into a line, eyeing Bebe up and down. She batted her eyelashes at him. After a moment, he made a ‘follow-me’ gesture with his hand and walked back towards the throne with Bebe on his heels.

Clyde spun around. The armor on his torso catching the small light from the torches around the room.

"I'll let you see it, but you must stay at least ten paces away." He told her. Bebe nodded and took a few steps back.

"Another two." Clyde said, and Bebe obeyed. He reached pull his under shirt from his pants then began to fiddle with the buckle of his belt.

Bebe clenched her jaw. She knew Clyde well enough and prepared herself to snap at him for pulling his penis out and calling it 'The Stick’. No matter how powerful he became, Clyde was still Clyde at heart.. She snapped her mouth shut a moment before she could yell at him.

The Stick's power could be felt even from ten paces away. The power to bend reality and change the basic rules of nature. Grant magic to the magicless. Turn back time and  return the dead to life.

"You...You keep the most powerful magical relic in the universe down your pants?" Bebe's face cringed up in disgust. "By the goddesses, Clyde, what the fuck?"

Clyde smirk slipped into a genuine smile and a soft chuckle came from his lips. He shoved The Stick under his arm and rebuckled his belt.

"It's safe there, isn't it? What man--or woman, for that matter--is going to try and grab my dick midbattle?" Clyde shrugged. He paused a moment, then added, "Well, I think that barbarian the wizard keeps around might not have a problem with it. I've always had this feeling about him."

The rumors Bebe had heard pressed against her teeth. Clyde use to love listening to her gossip, even about people he didn't know. It was how they use to bond. Was that a lure to make her fall into a false sense of security? Possibly. Maybe if she flipped the tables on him, she could use it to her advantage.

"Yeah," Bebe laughed, "I've never asked him directly, but I heard that the paladin has seen Tweek sneaking away from camp with another man late at night. I have seen hickies and love bites on him as well, so there has to be something to the rumor."

Clyde's eyes widened. "Really? Who? I bet it Scott. It was Scott, right? I'm sure I've seen him checking out the knights as he's readied their mounts."

Bebe took a few casual steps forward. "No, I heard it was someone else, and honestly, I could totally see it with him swinging his lance that way, if you know what I mean."

"Who? Who? Do I know him? Think he's checked me out before?" He bounced on his toes, more like a giddy child than an evil warlord. "I know I look good to the ladies, but I've always wondered what guys think about me."

She was only a few steps away from Clyde now. Slipping her hands into her pockets, she gripped the arrow.

"Oh, I'm sure he's eyed you before. How could he not? You're hot, baby," Bebe winked, making him beam with pride, "and he's had ample opportunity, since you two were such good friends."

Bebe watched as the gears turned in his head. Now that she was closer, she could see that the red in his irises faded just a little back to their original brown.

"Oh my gods, it's Craig! I knew it! That's why he can't keep a girlfriend! He doesn't want one! I can't believe he never told me! We’re best friends!" He gasped, covering his mouth with the hand that held The Stick.

Perfect.

Bebe whipped out the arrow and threw it like a dart at Clyde's wrist. His gloves were thicker than she expected, but the arrow did it's job anyway.

Clyde recoiled back. The force knocked The Stick from his hand to his feet. He stumbled back a step, kicking the relic across the floor by mistake.

When he realized what he had done, it was too late. Bebe was already on The Stick.

As her hand reached for it, Clyde screamed, "Bebe, don't touch it!" and threw out his arm. A beam of magic shot from his palm, hitting the top of her hand.

She flinched back with a screech of pain. The cold numbness spreading across her hand did not deter her however. With her other hand, she wrapped her fingers around The Stick.

She heard Clyde yelling, pleading, with her to drop it. She felt the cold wind across her skin and the smooth stone under her knees. She tasted the death in the air and saw the flickering torches.

Then, all of it was gone.

Bebe stood in the middle of a village. She blinked once and looked around to find no one. She carefully walked forward, body tense and ready in case of attack. After a few moments, she relaxed. There was no one here.

As she searched around, she began to notice how strange, yet familiar, the architecture was. Two races built this village, just like the one she grew up in.

At least one of the races was elven, she could tell that. Elves wove nature into their homes. They used trees as supports and vines to hold the buildings together.

Unlike her village, the other race in this one was not human. The other race's architecture was too clumsy and haphazard. Random, large rocks held up sagging buildings. The masonry was ugly at best and down right dangerous at worst.

Bebe froze. She heard something. Careful not to make any noise, she snuck towards the sound. She peeked around the side of a building and gasped.

A child sat curled up against a tree. Sobs shook their little body. In front of them laid two figures, each with an arrow protruding from their bodies. One looked to be an elven woman and the other a large male orc.

Bebe dashed forward towards the child.

"Little one," She crouched down, "are you hurt? What has happened here?"

The child sniffled, but did not lift their head. "It's gone. They're all gone." They whimpered.

Bebe set her hand on the child's straw-colored hair and ruffled it gently. As she did, she noticed a slight point to their ears. The child was probably half elf then.

She looked over her shoulder at the elven woman. As Bebe eyed the body, she realized something odd about her. The elf's hair was as red as the blood from her wound.

That was another oddity to add to this strange place. Only the Elven royalty had hair that red. For a moment, she considered that the woman had a glamour on, but that couldn't be it. Glamours faded upon death.

Continuing to stroke the child's head reassuringly, Bebe turned her attention to the orc. Like all orcs, his face was ugly and misshapen, though perhaps slightly less so than the normal, and his hair was the same golden color as the child's.

"It couldn't be," Bebe muttered to herself. Elves and Orcs hated each other more so than elves and humans. No way one would have a child with the other.

The child sobbed loudly, taking her attention back to them.

"Come on, please, stand up," Bebe bided softly. "I'm going to take you somewhere safe, alright?"

The child paused a moment, then asked, "You're going to help me?"

"Yes, I am, so don't cry." Bebe comforted. She held out her arms. She would carry this child away if she had to.

They seemed to consider her words for a moment before reaching out a thin arm. The second their hand touched her skin, the world burst into flames.

The sky turned black with ash. The smoke made her eyes water and lungs ache. Where there were only two corpses around her before, now were tens. The bodies of elves and orcs and hybrids of the two littered the ground all around. Some died from arrows, others from swords, and some more from magical wounds. Blood from all stained the ground.

A cold, dark laughter over took the sound of the crackling fires. The child's shoulders shook before they threw their head up. Their face contorted into a sneer, purple eyes flashing.

"You're not the heir," they taunted, "but you'll do to help me find them." Their fingernails dug into Bebe's flesh. No matter how hard she pulled, she couldn't break free.

"You and the chubby warrior. With you two, I can get back to where I am supposed to be! I can take my vengeance on those who dare remove me from my proper place! I'll find the heir!" The child cackled, pulling Bebe closer with surprising strength.

"No! Let me go, you hellspawn!" Bebe cried, driving her heels into the ground. "Let me--"

Then it was gone.

Bebe sucked in a breath, her arm recoiling back.

Clyde had torn The Stick from her hand, holding it at arms length away from her with his other hand on her shoulder.

As the shock faded away, Bebe panted. She didn't know what that wase’d and would prefer to never experience it again.

Seeing her staring at him, Clyde dropped The Stick. It clattered to the ground and lay there, as if it were just a normal stick. He turned to fully face her, hands on her cheeks, looking her over with worried-filled brown eyes. He seemed shorter now. The fat around his face and chin had returned.

"Oh gods, Bebe, why did you do that?" Tears rolled down his face. "That thing is dangerous! It wants something, and will use anyone to get it!"

"Clyde?" Bebe blinked. "Clyde, what's going on? What was that?"

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." He pulled her into a hug, stroking her hair. "That stupid thing, it corrupts you. It told me it could help me get revenge on the wizard, and I foolishly accepted."

"Let me help you." Bebe pushed back. She placed her hands on his cheeks this time. "If you abandon The Stick, you can come back with me. Let the Elf and Wizard kings destroy that wretched thing."

Clyde shook his head. His tears ran over the tops of Bebe's fingers.

"I can't. I'm too far into this. Please, Bebe, don't take my offer. Don't stay here in this place of death. Fight against me."

"Oh, baby," she muttered, tears pricking her own eyes. She locked eyes with his for a second, before leaning in to press a kiss to his lips.

The tension in his shoulders slacked as he leaned into it. Both their eyes slipped shut.

She'd missed this. She'd missed him. Being strong enough to protect the people she cared about was important to her, but so was Clyde. Hell, he was one of the people she wanted to protect most.

She remembered how he cried like a baby the day she left, but he never told her not to go. He knew what the opportunity meant to her, and he wouldn't stand in the way of that. He loved her enough to let her go.

Clyde was a good, if foolish, man at heart. Seeing him so corrupted by anger and power made her chest ache. He would end up being killed, one way or another. Either by The Stick's evil magic or at the blade of the Dragonborn, there was no future for him if he remained the Dark Lord.

The kiss became more forcefully all of a sudden, stealing her from her thoughts. Her eyes snapped open and were immediately met with Clyde's smug red ones looking back at her.

Bebe gasped and shoved him back. He reached out and grabbed her wounded wrist, holding it too tight. Struggling against his grip, she threw daggers at him with her eyes.

Everything that wasn't 'Clyde' about him had returned in full force.

"I knew you missed me. How could you not?" He jeered. "You still love me."

"No, I don't!" Bebe snapped. "I miss Clyde, I love Clyde, but who you are now isn't Clyde!" In a flash, she threw her free hand back then slapped him across the cheek. “I'll never stand by your side!”

The sound echoed throughout the throne room. Neither of them dare breathe for a heavy moment.

Finally, the surprise wore off Clyde's face. He turned a furious glare to her. He stood, yanking her to her feet, and dragged her to the door. He threw it open and shoved her out into the waiting arms of the ogres.

"I shouldn't have wasted my time with you, bitch." He snarled. "I'll let you go this time, but next time, I won't be so merciful." To the waiting vampire, he spat, "Take this ugly whore back to the tramp camp you found her at. She's useless to me."

Bebe turned, betrayal and anger and worry mingled across her face. After a beat, she settled fully on anger. This wasn't her Clyde anymore, and she would not allow him the satisfaction of knowing the true extent of what his words did to her.

"Fuck you, Clyde." She growled. "You're going to lose this war. The Dragonborn will defeat you. He's a stronger warrior than you can ever be."

Clyde glared at her. "Not when I have The Stick, he's not. He'll be begging for his life at my feet just like the kings, just like their greatest fighters, just like you.”

Bebe didn't reply, instead she began seething down the hall. The ogres froze, unsure what to do, before the vampire snapped at them to follow her.

She expected him to keep goading her or call her names as she stormed away, but instead, he kept quiet and shut the door.

~~~~~

Clyde listened to the fading footsteps until they disappeared into silence. The moment he thought he was alone, the Dark Lord slumped against the door, slid down to the floor, and began to cry into his hands.

~~~~~

"Dear me," Princess Kenny placed her hand to her mouth, "that looks terrible." She put Bebe's hand in her lap, tentatively pressing her fingers against the discolored flesh.

The hand Clyde blasted had turned a sickly green and much of the fat and muscle under the skin melted away, leaving it almost completely skeletal and difficult to move.

"Necrotic magic." The wizard king frowned. "If the Dark Lord can use it unaided like that, we're in deeper shit that I thought."

"Can you fix it?" Bebe asked.

"I can try in the morning," he replied. "At the very least, I can make sure it doesn't rot off." He ran his hand through his hair with an agitated groan. "I must send a raven to the Elf King at once. He'll need to hear of this."

As he left the tent, Bebe heard him muttered under his breath, "Still can't believe the Dark Lord is Clyde fucking Donovan..."

Princess Kenny patted her hand again. "It'll be alright. Eric is a powerful wizard. He'll fix you right up." She smiled, the corners of her eyes wrinkling.

"I suppose." Bebe replied dully. She shook her head. "I'm sorry. I'm tired. This is all too much. Clyde being the Dark Lord. The Stick having a will of its own."

"You said you had a vision of The Stick's wishes. Would you care to tell me about it?" Princess Kenny tilted her head. "Maybe we can figure out what it's intentions are together."

Bebe pursed her lips before retelling what she had seen. The princess' face went from intrigued to horrified to unreadable.

Princess Kenny laced her fingers together before setting her elbows on her knees and resting her face against her hands.

"A village were elves and orcs lived and loved in peace. An impossible concept." She mumbled after a few moments of thought.

"Yes. I would never think such a place could be real." Bebe crossed her arms. "Or even that children of the two could exist."

"Love is persistent. It will always find a way." Princess Kenny smiled softly to herself. "It is the most powerful magic, and anyone can use it."

Bebe nodded in agreement at the princess' wise words.

She remembered Clyde reverting back to his old self. Had his love for her been strong enough to overpower The Stick's corruption? It was a romantic thought that Bebe stored away to entertain later when she wasn’t so tired.

"The child, The Stick, said it was looking for 'the heir.' Do you think it meant the Dragonborn?" Bebe asked. "Could he be able to control The Stick without being corrupted by it?"

"Perhaps." Princess Kenny stood suddenly and clasped her hands behind her back. "That, however, I believe to be a riddle for us to solve tomorrow. For tonight, how about you go take a bath? I will be more than happy to help you wash your back. Help release all the tension in your shoulders." She winked flirtatiously at Bebe, making the other woman laugh.

"I must decline. I think I'd rather sleep. I'll need to report this all to Wendy tomorrow morning when she returned from the Elven camp." Bebe told her.

"Oh, poo." The princess gave a mock pout. "What a pity. Well, remember, my offer is always open to you. Good night, my dear." She giggled then left Bebe's tent.

Bebe blew out her candle then laid down on her cot. She pulled her woolen blanket to her ears and settled in.

The village inside The Stick flashed in her mind, burning and blood covered. The memory of Clyde's hand grasping her wrist played over her skin. His red eyes mockingly burning into her as they kissed was imprinted into her eyelids.

She groaned and squeezed her eyes tight, as if she could force the whirling of emotions and memories to stop with such a simple action.

Of course, nothing could calm her troubled mind, and Bebe spent the rest of her night fluctuated between an unease sleep and nightmares of the future.

~~~~

AN: I do have a squeal written, but I don’t know when I’ll have it finished to post.

#south park #clybe #clyde donovan #bebe stevens #stick of truth #dark lord clyde #sot #fanfiction #one-shot

[strangermarvelss]

broken- l.t | part 1 |

Pairing: Lance Tucker x Plus Size!Reader

Summary: You find out the truth behind your and Lance’s secret relationship.

Word Count: 1,051

Warnings: hella angst bro, heartbreak, fat shaming, self doubt, suggestive at the beginning, lots of tears

A/N: I’m probably going to cry while writing this. enjoy?- s

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

You clicked the door shut to your new apartment and set your purse and newly purchased items down on the counter. You thought you would surprise your boyfriend with some extra fun activities tonight due to all the hard work he’d been doing lately, so of course you went shopping for the perfect outfit. It was not only a treat for him, but a treat for you. The cool marble counter tops welcomed you back from your scandalous shopping trip as you made your way through the kitchen in search of a snack.

You made sure that your boyfriend Lance had at least something that tasted good in his kitchen for you to snack on, between all his healthy snacks and drinks, you couldn’t find anything that tasted like actual food when you first moved in a few weeks ago. Good food was something you couldn’t live without. I mean, who could?

You grabbed a bag of chips from the cupboard and waltzed into the living room, plopping yourself onto the couch and grabbing the television remote. You had to find small things to occupy your time with while Lance was training. The Olympics were soon, and his sole focus was on getting another gold medal, which you understood completely. You wanted that for him as well.

You and Lance had been dating for several months, 8 months to be exact. He was the light of your life and you were his. You weren’t publicly out as a couple however, due to his request. He wanted to keep you out of the spotlight and away from speculation and rumors, especially with the Olympics fast approaching. He didn’t want your mood to be sour due to a negative headline that was caused by his fans or the cruel world of media outlets.

You clicked on the television and it roared to life, the screen flashing with colors and faces. You surfed through the channels until you saw that TMZ was doing special Olympian coverage. You stopped to sit back and watch, hearing the familiar names of the athletes you’ve researched because of your boyfriend talking so fondly of and out of your own curiosity.

“Alright, so I stopped Lance Tucker on the streets today after those pictures of him and that plus sized girl were leaked of them leaving that hella expensive restaurant in L.A,” a millennial-aged reporter announced, causing your ears to perk up. You looked up at the screen to see the crew gathered around, and it quickly cut to footage of your gorgeous boyfriend walking on the street.

You hated that he was being bombarded by paparazzi while he was just trying to leave his training place. The paparazzi were always relentless when the two of you were out on the town, but you both tried your best to ignore them.

“Lance, Lance! Are you dating that plus sized girl you were spotted with the other night in L.A?” The reporter asked him. You froze on the couch, you body leaning closer as you waited for him to answer. Was he about to admit to the world that the two of you were dating? Was he finally no longer keeping you under raps?

You watched as he turned to the reporter, a look of pure disgust etched onto his face. “The human lard factory? Fuck no! I wouldn’t touch that thing with a ten foot pole! Shit, that’s just disgusting dude. Can’t believe you would ask me that,” he answered. As the reporter kept trying to question him, Lance got into his car and sped off down the street, not looking back at the camera or the man behind it.

You felt your world around you freeze. The man who you’d come to love over the course of eight months just admitted to the world that he would never look twice at you in that way. The man who you’d spent many nights of passion with…calling you a “human lard factory”.

You felt the tears stream down your face as you stood from the couch. Your chest was constricting and you could barely move. But you knew you had something to do, and if need be, you had to push yourself to do it. You couldn’t be here anymore. You couldn’t wait around to look him in the face after what he said about you.

You rushed up the stairs of the apartment and towards your shared bedroom. You flung the doors of the closet open and found your bag that ironically enough, Lance purchased for you, stuffing it full of however many clothes could fit inside. You went to the bathroom and grabbed your toothbrush and the small makeup bag that contained minimal amount of supplies you used, and threw it inside the bag as well.

You made a quick run through of the bedroom again, looking for any items you may need that were absolutely essential. You came across your nightstand and saw the picture the two of you on your six month anniversary. Lance’s arm was around you and his lips were pressed to your cheek, a big smile plastered on your face. Tears streamed down your face harder as you grabbed the picture and threw it up against the wall, shattering the glass inside the picture frame and breaking the wooden frame.

You made your way back down the stairs and found a piece of paper. You quickly wrote a note for Lance, explaining why you weren’t there and why you’d never come back, all while tears streamed down your face. You aren’t good enough for him. He wants someone who’s thin, and actually pretty. Not a disgusting, fat ass.

You tore yourself away, creeping towards the front door. Your keys were on the counter along with the note you had just written. As you adjusted your bag and purse onto your shoulders, you opened the door, locking the bottom latch before closing it behind you, leaving behind the man you once called your lover.

You trusted Lance. You let your walls down around him. He begged you to let him in and you opened yourself bare to Lance the Fucker Tucker. But what good was it for? All that you got out of it was no place to crash and a fragile, broken heart.

Lance taglist: @photograiphy-00 , @buckyslongasshair , @winters-beauty

Permanent taglist: @amillionfandoms-onlyoneme , @multireality , @thefridgeismybestie , @httpmcrvel , @lanilovespsychos , @vesper-lou , @ssweet-empowerment , @jadalecki-jackles , @crazybubblegumgurl

#lance tucker #lance tucker angst #Sebastian stan #Sebastian stan angst #lance tucker x reader #Sebastian stan x reader #fanfiction #the bronze

[gutsybitsies]

part of pride and prejudice pnp au (due to tech difficulties ie forgetfulness, parks and rec au and pride and prejudice au are in the same tag...). i’ve decided to say “fuck it” to writing this in a wholesome linear fashion. people know what happens anyway. hit me up on which scene from pride and prejudice u wanna see! 

part 1 

part ? 

It was 3 am in the morning when a loud knock woke everyone in Lardo’s dilapidated Haus 2.0, except for Lardo. Bitty and Ransom blearily opened their eyes as the knocking continued. 

“Shot not,” Bitty said. “You go see who’s making that huge racket.” He pushed Ransom out of the guest bed they were sharing. 

Ransom fell on the floor with a thump. “Why doesn’t this woman ever buy comfortable rugs? I’m getting her one for Christmas.” 

“She complains about cleaning them,” Bitty replied. “Go, or that person’s not gonna stop.”

Ransom yawned and cracked his neck as he left the guestroom, grabbing a hockey stick along the way in case there was a crazy person standing outside the door.

Ransom swung open the door, hockey stick and hand, and ended up looking at a very tall, imposing old woman. There was a tired younger woman standing at her side, holding a suitcase and clutching a phone. 

“Who are you?” The old woman asked. 

“Uhhh...” Ransom blinked and opened his eyes wider to make sure that he was indeed seeing an old lady standing in front of his friend’s door at 3 am. “Who are you?” 

“I am Catherine de Bourgh-Knight,” she said haughtily. “Is this...residence...” she looked at the Haus with disdain, “...where Larissa Duan resides?” 

Ransom pursed his lips together. Haus 2.0 was important to him. It may not be the original Haus at Samwell, but it was the place Lardo shared with him, Holster, and Bitty when they started their first real adult jobs. And this woman was looking at it like it was a dump. 

“This is where Lardo lives, yeah.” He said.

“Ah, well. I found the place then,” she pushed past him, leading the woman behind her inside the house without even asking for Ransom’s permission. “Thank you for inviting me into this...quaint dwelling.” 

“Hey, what the fuck? You can’t just barge in like this! It’s 3 am in the morning!” Ransom said, not sure what the do as the younger woman closed the door politely and Catherine de Bourgh-Knight made her way into the living room. 

Ransom fingers itched as he stopped himself from trying to haul them out of the house and shut the door in their faces. A tall, bulky 6′2′’ black man couldn’t just physically drag an old white lady out of the house.

“Bitty!” He kept an eye on the women while he called for Bits. He was pretty sure Bitty can push them out without consequence. “Bitty!!! We have guests!”

Bitty bursted out of the guestroom, which was directly opposite from the living room, clearly rumpled from sleep, while holding another hockey stick.

“I’m here, Ranso-” He stared at the scene in the living room. Bitty, like Ransom, blinked and rubbed his eyes to make sure that there was indeed a tall, imposing old woman standing with a posture full of disdain inside the living room. “Um.”

“They just came in after I opened the door,” Ransom explained. 

“I’m here for Larissa Duan, I have a great opportunity for her and she will not regret talking with me.” the lady said, she looked at the couch. “Is this thing safe to sit on?” 

“Yes,” Bitty lied through his teeth. “But it is the middle of the night! Ma’am, we cannot be having with this!” 

“Lards is asleep, you’re not seeing her.” Ransom said. He waved a hand at the door. “Please leave.” 

“Do you two know who I am? I am Catherine de Bough-Knight, chairwomen of more committees than I care to remember. It is extremely advantageous for the both of you to listen to me now, or I can and will be able to make life difficult for you.” Catherine de Bourgh-Knight said and aggressively thumped the floor with her cane. 

“Nope, nope, nope,” Bitty walked over and started to physically herd her away with his hockey stick. “Ransom’s got the right idea, we’re not letting you see her.”

Catherine looked at the young woman next to her, who mustered up a breath. 

“Larissa Duan you come out right now!!” The young woman shouted.

Ransom heard the telltale creak on the ceiling that meant that Lardo had gotten up from bed. Another creak told him that her bedroom door was open. At this point in time, Bitty had stopped trying to push the two women out as Lardo’s footsteps came down the stairs methodically. First her feet appeared, then her legs, and finally the whole full Lardo emerged. She was wearing Holster’s old hoodie that he swore he lost months ago and Bitty’s new shorts that Bitty swore he didn’t lose.  

“It is...” Lardo looked at her phone. “2 am in the morning. No. 3 am. Mrs. de Bourgh, I hope you have a very good reason for coming to this place.”

Catherine de Bourgh-Knight looked shocked at Lardo’s abrupt way of speaking, as if she expected Lardo to thank her for visiting her in the middle of the night. Of course someone like Larissa Duan should be grateful that she took time out of her busy schedule to see her. 

“I must converse with you,” Catherine said haughtily. “I suppose I will, as the gracious person, thank you instead for attending to me at this hour.” 

“And I’m gracious enough to say you’re very welcome,” Lardo said blithely. “Let’s go in the backyard. Rans, Bits, you two can go back to sleep.” 

“No man,” Ransom said. “We’re not leaving you alone.”

“This is a matter of utter privacy and sensitivity,” said Catherine. “I must insist that I speak with Miss Duan alone.” 

Lardo gave Bitty and Ransom a thumbs up and led Catherine de Bourgh-Knight into the yard, but not before Ransom grabbed a pair of sweatpants from the pile of laundry on the living room table and threw it to her. The young woman from before hung behind and stayed inside with Bitty and Ransom while they waited. 

There was a full moon out that night; two months ago Lardo had received a package of moon cakes from Chowder. He’d timed it so that she received the package on the exact day of the Mid Autumn festival. She never had any time to celebrate it herself, but this year she’d made a pair of matching masks to send to Chowder and Farmer in return for Chowder’s gift. 

While Lardo contemplated the moon, Catherine drew herself up and wasted no time in starting to speak. 

“You know the reason I’m here, Miss Duan.” She said gravely. “I don’t wish to beat around the bush, you surely do know my reputation for being a straightforward woman.”

“I don’t know why you’re here,” Lardo said. She saw that Catherine frowned indignantly at her answer. 

“Don’t make me spell it out loud for you, Miss Duan. You and I both know what this visit is about.” 

Lardo pursed her lips and pretended to think. “Hmm. Nope. Nothing comes to mind. Unless you came to commission me for a piece of art. For you, I can set my rates real cheap. You’ll be happy with that kind of discount.” 

“I received some alarming news in the rumor mill,” Catherine said. “Someone told me my nephew Bartholomew has intentions with you. Now of course someone like Bartholomew is expected to sow his wild oats before marriage, and your status is of the perfect level for a dalliance with him. But he is getting to be the age where we are all expecting him to settle down, and now whatever it is you have between you must stop.” 

“Hmm,” Lardo said. Her mind was racing. Did Shitty still think of her? She hadn’t spoken with him outside of what her friendship with Jack necessitated them to. Even though Jack and Bitty’s relationship meant that they inevitably saw each other more often than before. Did he still think that she was likeable after all the snubbing she had given him? 

Catherine grew more agitated at Lardo’s reticence. 

“You must know that the position of Bartholomew’s partner in life, his wife, has already been chose. Now we understand that as a modern young man, he would like to have a few chosen romances of his own, but Bartholomew knows his duty to his family. Your relationship with him will never be serious or important. When the time comes, he will leave you. I’m telling you this for your own well being in order for you to avoid being humiliated when he inevitably rises to his own...class of people with more similarities to him.” 

“Interesting,” Lardo said. 

“This is common knowledge!” Catherine said. “Now, will you agree to leave him?” 

“If Shitty is obviously going to leave an unimportant relationship, then let him leave on his own,” Lardo said.

“So you two are in a relationship?” Catherine asked intently. 

“Hmmm,” Lardo shrugged.

“Miss Duan! I will have to tell you something then, to insist that you leave my nephew alone. He is in fact engaged to my daughter, Anne.” 

“Wait what?” Lardo finally broke her chill. 

Catherine triumphantly smiled. “Yes, I’ve discussed this engagement with his father since my dear Anne and Bartholomew were infants. It’s set in stone, his wife to be is Anne.” 

“No, wait,” Lardo said, with enough emotion to make Catherine’s face look more smug until she continued, “Anne is his cousin. I thought you were going to tell me he’s engaged to a Vanderbilt, not his own cousin.” 

“They are far apart enough that it’s legal,” Catherine said, a bit haltingly. “And in fact we do have kin ties with the Vanderbilts.” 

“But you and his father are cousins.”  

“Second cousins.” 

“Didn’t they grow up together?” 

“That makes them perfect and fitting for each other.” 

“But they grew up together as people related to each other.” 

“That’s not important-”

“No, no it is. I’m interested in this now. Just because something is legal doesn’t mean it’s not taboo. Does Anne really think of her cousin, who she’s known since childhood and presumably who she’s close as a sibling to him, does she really think of him as husband material?”

“You are an insolent young lady. No! Not a lady. You are a rude little hussy! You seduced my Bartholomew with your exotic nature and assume that he’s going to stay with you. Well, good luck to that because I know my nephew and he will never, ever, be with an uncouth young lady like you. He is a diligent young man who puts the will of his family first and graduated cum laude from Harvard law, and you are some hustler from the streets.”

“That’s very nice, Bartholomew sounds like a wonderful young man who makes good choices. And I’m sure that when the time comes, he’ll marry his cousin like the polite young man he is. You don’t need me to do anything.” 

“His association with you will be the laughter of our community if you let this linger on longer!” 

“He’s a tough guy, he can handle it. I’m sure he won’t be too charmed by my exoticness. If he is, then I’m afraid I can’t help you with anything. And you should leave my property now.” Lardo ignored the indignant huffs of Catherine and led her inside. 

“You are going to regret my warning, Miss Duan! I have come here out of the goodness of my heart, in the middle of the night-”

“Oh, so she knows it’s the middle of the night!” Ransom exclaimed. 

“Out of the goodness of my heart,” Catherine repeated. “To advise you on the dangerous waters that you are treading, and if you had listened to me with kindness and respect I would have offered you redress and compensation for your efforts! But as of my mistreatment in your home I will have a strong word with Bartholomew and my committees. And you can expect that neither your art nor your presence will be tolerated in any society that I preside over!”

Lardo ignored her and walked back up the stairs to her room. Bitty firmly guided the two women to the front door and shut it in their faces in the middle of Catherine’s firm “Good-bye and I shall ignore-!” 

After a while, Lardo crept back downstairs, to find that Bitty and Ransom were waiting for her in the kitchen. 

“Sleep with us tonight, okay?” Ransom asked. “Old cuddle pile?” 

She smiled and walked with them to the guestroom. “Yep. Old cuddlepile.” 

When she was sandwiched between Ransom and Bitty, she heard Bitty say, “You know, I knew there would be something good that comes out of that other room being out of order because of some old problem.” 

“Shut UP don’t remind me!” Ransom whispered. “That used to be my room! There are roaches!!! In my room!!” 

Lardo giggled, and she could feel her boys relax. Bitty fell asleep first, then Ransom, then Lardo drifted off, cocooned in family. 

#larissa duan #shardo #omgcp pnp au #pnp au #words #my writings

[mysplaced-pen]

THe RFA as the Heathers musical????? (◕‿-)*･｡ﾟ I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT YOU KNWO WE BOTH NEED THIS.(ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc) PLease the love o f my life, the 7 to my 07, the Chandelier to my McNAmara the Viktor to my YUuuri! (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

babe!! i love you!!( ˘ ³˘)❤  you right, we need this. SOOOOO~~

[ DISCLAIMER : i didn’t really match up personalities??? its hard. im smol. its 2am. you’re right next to me. ]

Cast

MC - Veronica 

Zen - Heather Chandler 

Yoosung - Heather Duke

Jaehee - Heather McNamara 

Jumin - Kurt 

707 / Luciel / Saeyoung - JD

V / Jihyun - Ram 

Saeran - Martha

Rika - Mrs. Fleming 

Vanderwood - Preppy Stud / Principal Gowan / general ensemble 

Highlights

Beautiful 

MC being all smol and hopeful - “Dear Diary, I believe I’m a good person” “We were kind before, we can be kind once more” 

If Vanderwood is the general ensemble, its just them yelling out insults. “Freak! Shortbus! Bug-eyes! Lard ass!” etc.

MC about V: “smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick”

Saeran loving the Princess Bride???

MC about Jumin: “kind of like being the tallest dwarf” 

Jumin: “you have a zit right there” 

Jaehee being head cheerleader is amazing

also: “if i took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, i’d have matching halves. thats very important”

Yoosung being Duke and being snarky to Zen 

MC about Zen: “he is a mythic bitch.” which is me about him tbh

Rika not giving a fuck about Yoosung throwing up in the bathroom rip 

Saeran watching MC get sold to the rfa smh

Candy Store 

literally everything about this is iconic

Zen: “WHY NOW ARE YOU PULLING ON MY D I C K?” 

the subtle gay between Veronica + Mac is now Jaehee x MC

Zen to Yoosung: “SHUT UP HEA THER”

Zen being a dramatic asshole with that long note 

Jaehee hitting them harmonies hell yeah 

i love this part of this stupid au listen

Fight For Me 

MC to 707: “hey, Mr. No Name Kid”

707 literally beating up Jumin and V???????

where is this au going

7 is actually 3 cats in a trench coat

MC is #whipped 

Vanderwood in the background: “holy shit! holy shit holy shit holy shiiiiiit” 

MC in general: “Dᵃᵃᵃaamn”

MC knows CPR how handy 

“You can punch real good”

Freeze Your Brain

ok but?? all of this song is 7??????

“who needs cocaineeeee?”

minus the dad rip

7 goes to 7-Eleven

god bless

“altar of slush” is something Seven would have ok 

*sip noise* 

Big Fun

idk its party song

Yoosung, Jaehee, and Zen going: “dang dang diggity dang a dang”

V hating freshman

Jumin going: “yOU NEED A JELLO SHOT”

disregard martha having feelings for ram rip i dont ship that

“LETS USE THEIR SHOWERS. THAT SOUNDS LIKE BIG FUN”

its a party idk what to tell you

Dead Girl Walking

do I have to explain this one?

MC in 7′s yard

MC about Zen: “the demon queen of high school”

“spend these 30 hours getting..fREAAKKYYYYYYYY YEA”

Seven: “how’d you find my address?” and “that works for me, hoop”

its a sex song

thats it

yall do the do

The Me Inside of Me

Zen is dead

Zen: “IM BIGGER THAN JOHN LENNON”

this is what Zen deserves in death

i cant believe mc and 707 poisoned zen

this is the song his fanclub sings

jaehee is in mourning

rika: “this is the loveliest suicide note I’ve ever read”

Blue

rip 

Jumin and V, drunk and trying to get into MC’s pants?

seems legit

V: “Heyyy ‘ronia” ;)))))

MC: “you got a left hand, use it”

Yoosung and Jaehee just shaking their heads in the car and singing along

this song is a mess

Jumin and V had too much wine

Our Love is God

here w e goooo

707 being all cute at first

Jumin and V: “free pussy. and we dont even have to buy it a pizza”

Our love is god 7

“Ich Luge” bullets yeah sure saeyoung

“we’re what killed the dinosaurs”

707 kills V????????

Jumin to 7: “you killed my best friend”

nOW IM SAD ITS 2:30ISH AND IM GONNA CRY

My Dead Gay Son

Vanderwood can move over, I’ll sing this song

i mean…i love my dead gay sons

they’re bi, but….

anyway 

now they’re dead

rip in pieces

Seventeen

this is where MC tries to convice 7 to be normal

and its cute

and they talk about prom and dancing and camping

cute couple moment 

thats about it

Shine A Light

here’s rika trying to make light of a situation that shouldn’t be lightened on

and the start of Jaehee’s breakdown

“my husband left” the world, ye

Rika: “i’ve joined a cult”

also Rika: “so Steve, I’m ending our affair. And I faked it. every single time.”

….anyway

Lifeboat

my beautiful wife’s beautiful solo

she’s so sad

the people around her are dying

she’s kill this song it would sound so good

being salty about Yoosung being the new leader

“well who made her captain?!…still, the weakest must go”

save my wife

Shine A Light(Reprise)

aka Yandere Yoosung

or, in Jaehee’s thoughts

look, more subtext gay

honestly, just….

im sad, next song

Kindergarten Boyfriend

smh Saeran we don’t need anymore deaths

[ changes this song to some angsty twin situation because,,, ] 

 “Where naptime lasts for centuries”

someone spare him

Yo Girl

the return of all the dead people!

and 7 really starting to go crazy

Zen’s ominous: “he’s got your handwriting down cold~”

Vanderwood as MC’s parents. 

The Dead Trio: “come join Heather in hell~”

MC’s desperate “get out of my house!” 

707′s “knock, knock~~~” 

i like this song tbh its short but ooooooh

Meant To Be Yours

this song is also just 707 in general

just *clenches fist* ooooooh 

he’s this angsty 

plot twist: this whole musical is just one of 7′s bad endings 

sound effects for days 

“bring marshmallows, we’ll make s’mores~”

and then it starts to get Really Angsty

“you were meant to be mine. i am all that you need. you carved open my heart. can’t just leave me to bleed. vERONICA- open the, open the door please”

and then mc does….the Thing

“STILL I WILL IF I MUUSSSSSST”

vanderwood as mc’s mom yelling when they see what happened

Dead Girl Walking (Reprise)

MC going all 180 here and now they wanna die with Seven

Rika back at it again: “I threw together a lovely tribute, especially under such short notice”

Just imagine Jaehee doing a cheer that goes “send you straight to hell!”

MC trying hard here, “I wish your dad was good, I wish grownups understood”

Seven going full psycho: “I wish I had more TNT” 

*cue epic fight scene*

“Send you straight to-”

I Am Damaged

SADNESS

7: “I respectfully, disagree.”

he’s too damaged. far too damaged

im gonna cry;;

“I worship you…I’d trade my life for yours”

o H MY GOD

“And when I disappear..”

WA IT HOLD O N  NOT THIS WAAAAY

“our love is god…”

 B O O M

yoosung: “you look like hell” mc: “yeah. i just got back”

Seventeen (Reprise)

and we leave you with these questions:

will saeran ever get over kindergarten?

will jaehee and MC finally Be Gay as a true ending?

when will MC stop

find out more next time on: “Random Ass AUs: the Musical”

#honestly....wtf is this #a request! #pastel-nonbinary #babe!!! #the 7 to my 07 #rfa+ #mystic messenger #mysme #it its 3:30am #no one really needed it #but oh well #for you babe

[concussed-to-pieces]

Can I get Baron Corbiin with #4? Pretty please?

(Heckof a way to finish Anon! This was the last one, thank you all so muchfor enjoying!)

(Gotinto a fight/physical altercation.)

Baronhad always been big.Now, whether that was the kind of bigthat made him more of a target or the bigthat encouraged people to rethink their life choices, that didn’treally matter. He had always been big.

Bullyingwas not a new thing in school, but because of his aforementioned sizehe tended to get left alone. Aside from a few oh-so-brave “lardass”comments, which he quickly shut down with a Look.Baron hadn’t ever actually had to fightanyone, nobody really dared and that was how he preferred it. Schoolwas miserable enough without his football-bound self getting draggedto the principal’s office every five minutes.

Thatbeing said, he didn’t exactly hesitatewhen he saw one of his few friends getting bounced off the lockersafter class.

Baronhad also always been very quick for his size, thundering up the hallwaywith all the destructive grace of a lava flow. He lowered his shoulder at thelast second, driving it into the aggressor’s stomach and crushing himagainst the lockers at the end of the hall with a loud grunt. Baronstayed there for a minute, tossing a glance behind him to see hisfriend all curled up in a little ball beside their locker. “Youalright?” He called, gritting his teeth when they didn’t reply.“Hey,are you al-”

Theguy punched him in the jaw, still wheezing for breath. Baron stumbledback a step, a little rattled. He’d never been punched before, buthe’d taken enough impacts with his head and shoulders in football tohave a pretty good idea of what it felt like. He just didn’t expectthe boilingfeeling in his gut, the anger that bubbled up because this guy, thisguythought it was okay to fuck with one of his friends. “Bring it on,a…asshole-” The guy seemed to be having a tough time getting airin but brought his fists up anyway.

“Youhurtmy friend.”Baron snarled, his own fists balled tightly. The other kid gulpedloudly in the silence that followed, seeming suddenly aware of thefact that his predatory tactics had blown up in his face. There wasno one around to help him, no one to keep the angry beast in front ofhim in check. “You want to know what it’s like to be smaller thansomeone, like how you made my friend feel?” Baron continued, hiseyes narrowing. “You want to know what it’s like to be scared,buddy?”

“Wait,please, I just-”

“Shutup.” Baron snapped, ready for the next desperate punch the guythrew. He caught his arm and (for at least two seconds) he debatedsnapping it over his thigh like a fucking twig.But no, that was a little much, especially with the assholealternating between thrashing and pleading the whole time. So Baronscooped him up bodily and proceeded to deposit him headfirst into thebolted-down trashcan across the hall. “Where you fuckingbelong, you piece of garbage.” Baron couldn’t help the thrill ofsatisfaction he got, watching the guy’s legs flail wildly in the airfor a second or two before returning to where his friend lay.

Theywere still all tucked up in the fetal position, and they cringedtighter when Baron drew close. “P-Please don’t, no more-” Theybegged.

Thesatisfaction bled out of him. “Hey, s'just me.” Baron tried toquiet his tone down, laying a large hand on their head. “You okay?”

Theylooked up at him and nodded quickly, eyes widening when they landedon the trashcan. “Baron, you…?”

“He knows not to fuck with you anymore. If he does, he’s going in thedumpster out back. C'mon.” He held out his hand, offering them a small smile. “Let’s get somelunch, I’m starvin’.”

#ask CTP Atlas #Baron Corbin

[thehockeyhaus]

Falling in Love Takes a While

I just realized I never posted this to tumblr and I kinda wanted to lol.

(you can also read it here on AO3)

Summary:  A mostly canon-complacent story on Lardo and Shitty's friendship and how Lardo's realized her feelings for Shitty (hint: it takes a while and there's lots of pining from Shitty)

(1.17)

Lardo padded over to Shitty once Bitty started babbling about campus life to the tadpoles. “Hey, Shits, were you gonna go on the tour too?”

Shitty shrugged. “Nah man, just came along because Bits was mad struggling with all those boxes. I was afraid he’d trip and die on the way here if he carried them on his own.”

“Did you have any plans after this?”

“Nope,” Shitty replied, popping the p with a grin. “Art building?”

Lardo grinned. “You know me so well. Gotta stop by the office first to drop off my clipboard.”

Shitty followed beside her diligently as they made their way out of Faber. “So, what are you working on right now?”

“I’m messing with different kinds of paints all on one canvas. Professor told us to go abstract, ‘be experimental’, so I am.” Lardo shrugged. “The spray paint and water color combo is kind of odd, and I want to throw in splatter paint and oil paint still, but I’m not sure how to do it.”

Shitty nodded, nudging Lardo playfully with his shoulder. “Sounds interesting. If you need help splattering paint, I have mean wrist flicking skills.” He flicked his wrist, waggling his eyebrows as he did.

Lardo laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind, thank you.”

“Have you eaten yet?” Shitty asked a few minutes later as they continued towards Kotter, gesturing towards the cafe with his head.

“Grabbed a bagel before the tour, but I’m getting hungry again,��� Lardo admitted.

“Well, why don't I go grab our usual from Annie’s and I’ll meet you at the studio, ‘kay?” Shitty offered.

Lardo thought about it for a second. “You know, that would be ‘swawesome. I’ll be in my usual spot when you get there.”

Shitty beamed. “Alright, see you in a few,” he said before heading off in a different direction.

Lardo picked up the pace just slightly, but still taking time to look around as she continued across campus. She hummed to herself as she stepped inside Kotter and grabbed her supplies before heading to her usual spot.

Of all the buildings at Samwell, Kotter had to have been her favorite. They’d built it with art students in mind and it was interesting because of just how many outside areas it had for students to work in. One of the kilns was technically outside, but it was covered by a roof and another area was filled with various sculptures and paintings that were waiting to be spray painted.

Then there were just a few places that didn’t architecturally make sense, which was why they were Lardo’s favorite. One in particular, a semi large nook facing the Pond, was where she normally went to work on her pieces.

After setting up her easel and canvas, she took a seat on her stool and sighed, looking over what she already had done.

The background was filled with several blotches of color. Deep emeralds and cobalt blues overlapped, creating new colors between them as they filled up the canvas. Then, over that she’d started to play around with spray paint. She’d started at the top with a bright, metallic silver and kept the can close to the canvas so the paint would puddle and drip down.

But now, she was stuck. What was on there currently was dry, so she potentially could start doing oil paints on it, but she still wasn’t completely sure. All she knew was that she had decided against acrylic, because it felt cheap,  and she was still unsure about adding the splatter paint. Maybe she’d do that last.

She squinted at the canvas and tilted her head to the left.

“Lookin’ good so far Lards,” Shitty commented as he walked over with a bag in one hand and a carry tray with their drinks in the other.

“Thanks,” she replied flatly, tilting her head to the right. “I’m just stuck on it.”

“Well,” Shitty said, pulling up a chair, “why don’t we just talk and you paint whatever immediately comes to mind as we do?”

Lardo took her cup and shrugged. “Sure, why not?” She took a sip and set it down before working on setting up her glass board that she liked to use for oils. She pulled out her jar of turpentine and glanced back at Shitty. “You got me the homemade chips, right?”

Shitty snorted. “Of course, who do you take me for?” He opened up the bag and offered up the chip to her mouth. She grabbed it with her teeth and tilted her head back so it fell into her mouth more.

“Thanks.” She said with a mouthful of chip.

“Welcome,” he replied, pulling out a muffin for himself.

“So, you knew that one kid from the tour?” Lardo prompted as she mixed her colors.

“Derek Nurse. Yeah, he went to Andover with me and we played hockey together.” Shitty took a bite. “He’s a good kid.”

“Do you think he’ll end up coming here?”

He shrugged. “Maybe? I wouldn’t be surprised if he did. He seemed to really like it so far.” He glanced over at her. “So how can I help?”

Lardo paused. “Just keep talking. I have an idea and hearing you ramble is part of it.”

Shitty beamed. “Now that I can do.” He said before launching into an animated story about a call he received from his mom last weekend.

🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒

(Between comics 1.20 and 1.21)

The second the final buzzer sounded, Lardo was out of her seat. She jogged down the concrete hallway, wanting to meet the boys as they walked back into the locker rooms. Just as she reached the doorway on the far side of the room, she heard the sound of them trudging in. She was panting slightly as she took in their sullen expressions. Bitty walked in with them, chatting softly with Shitty. He’d sat on the bench during the game to cheer them on, even though he couldn’t skate himself.

The boys were quick to toss of their helmets, no one speaking above a whisper if they spoke at all. Shitty looked up when he was at his cubby, glancing over to the door. When his eyes met hers, she gave a small wave.

Once everyone was changed, Lardo ushered them out of the building. She knew staying at Faber much longer wouldn’t help their moods. They walked out together, heads down and shoulders bumping.

Slowly, everyone started going their own way. Lardo kept by Shitty, following him back to the Haus.

When they stepped inside, Shitty was quick to lose all of his clothing. He left on his blue boxers and headed up to his room to grab his bong and stash. Lardo trailed along beside him silently, grabbing a blanket from off of his bed before she followed him up to the Reading Room.

It wasn’t until after they’d filled up his bong and lit it that either of them spoke.

“Goddammit,” Shitty breathed, running his hand through his hair as he slowly exhaled smoke.

Lardo looked up at Shitty as she took a hit. His bare chest glowed in the full moon’s light. She was always amazed by how warm he tended to run. Even now, in the cool March air, Lardo had quickly wrapped herself up in the blanket.

The night was quiet around them. The team was mourning their loss in their own way, and the campus seemed to be respecting their want for silence. Lardo was honestly surprised that the lights were off at the lacrosse house. Maybe the universe was just giving them a moment for once.

Smoke swirled above them. Lardo handed the bong back to Shitty, scooting slightly closer to him when she did.

“You guys played really well,” she said, glancing at him once.

Shitty leaned back as he inhaled slowly. One of his arms went behind her back to help brace himself. “And Bits… I mean, he got checked for nothing. His concussion.”

Lardo nodded. “That was scary. He’s gonna be okay, though.”

Shitty sighed. “It was on our home turf too… We should’ve been better.”

“Now you sound like Jack’s inspirational poster,” Lardo teased, trying to lighten the mood but Shitty just kept staring across the road.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Lardo asked quietly as she took another hit.

Shitty didn’t move. He continued to stare across the road, so Lardo slid closer to him until their legs were touching.

“What if we don’t win next year?” Finally tumbled out of his mouth. He finally asked. “What if we don’t even make it to the finals? What about after? What am I supposed to even do next year? Should I take the LSATs? Do I want to take the LSATs still? How am I supposed to just leave you guys, leave this? It’s just,” he paused, inhaled sharply through his nose and sighed heavily, “It’s a lot. It feels like I haven’t been here long, but it also feels like forever and I just love you- love you guys so much and I can’t leave.”

Lardo turned to face Shitty as he rambled on. Her arm brushed against his, and her knees pressed up against his leg after she moved to sit cross legged.

“Fuck, Lards, I just don’t wanna leave. I don’t wanna leave the Haus,” He stopped, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. “I don’t wanna leave Samwell. I just…”

She watched him as he seemed to brace himself for something before he moved his arm and turned to face her. “I don’t wanna leave you,” he said quietly before he leaned in, lips brushing her own.

Lardo relaxed, leaning into the kiss.

Suddenly, Shitty tugged her onto his lap and Lardo laughed, but it turned into a moan when Shitty’s mouth travelled down to her neck.

“W-We should take this inside,” Lardo whispered softly, eyes fluttering closed as she leaned into Shitty’s touch. He groaned softly when she climbed off of his lap, moving around him towards the window. She glanced back to check on him, but he was right behind her.

The second they were inside, Shitty scooped her up in his arms and walked them down the hall to his room. Lardo leaned up to kiss his neck as he shut the door behind them.

Suddenly, they were on the bed. Lardo was lying on her back and Shitty was hovering over her. The two of them looked at each other for a moment before they both leaned in.

🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒

Lardo was woken up the next morning by a litany of curses. She opened her eyes blearily as the covers were twisted by a floundering Shitty.

“-fuck, fuck, fuck,” Shitty was saying to himself as he shoved himself to the other side of the bed.

Lardo blinked and stared at Shitty, trying to process why he was freaking out. She propped herself up on her elbow and rubbed her eye with her other hand. “W’a’s goin’ on?” she mumbled sleepily.

Shitty looked like he was gonna be sick, which made Lardo become more alert. She sat up, “Seriously, you’re freaking me out, what’s wrong?”

Shitty ran a hand through his hair, and Lardo noticed it was shaking. “I-I.. um l-last night… we, I mean, I-I didn’t… did I?”

Despite his floundering, Lardo could see where his thoughts were going. “No, Shits, no,” she told him firmly. “I was definitely consenting to what we did…. Were you?”

Shitty’s face burned red. “Y-Yeah, definitely.”

Lardo shrugged, “Then we’re chill. Nbd.”

Shitty’s body slowly relaxed and he let out a small laugh. “Thank fuck. I was so… I don’t know what I would even do with myself if I ever…” He let out a huff, his face heating up again. “What we did last night, I mean, did it,” Shitty paused and took another deep breath. “Did it mean anything to you?”

Lardo wrinkled her nose subtly. “Look, Shits, you’re one of my closest friends. You seriously mean a lot to me, but I’m not really looking for that right now, ya know?” Lardo half shrugged. “I just don’t wanna be tied down- it’s college ya know? I just wanna be me without worrying about any sort of commitment.”

“Of course, I understand, completely,” Shitty agreed quietly.

“This isn’t gonna make anything weird between us, right?” Lardo asked, noticing his hesitation.

Immediately, Shitty perked up. “No! Of course not,” he agreed hastily. “I’d never want anything like this to fuck up our friendship. You mean too much to me brah.” He licked his lips and gave a small smile. “Besides, how would you ever get any art done without me?”

Lardo groaned and flopped back on the bed. “It’s way too early for chirping, dude.”

Shitty laughed. “Wanna go back to bed then?”

“Hell yeah,” Lardo agreed. Shitty stood up and slipped back under the sheets, but not before he put on a pair of boxers. Lardo didn’t comment on it, instead pulling the covers up around herself more and snuggling into the pillow. “Maybe when we wake up again, Bitty will have made pancakes.”

“That would be ‘swawesome.”

🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒

Lardo made her way back to the Haus the morning after EpiKegster2k14, as Ransom and Holster had dubbed it. She was pretty sure she’d left her jacket over there, and she was also pretty hungry and knew Bitty would probably be making some soon for the team.

As she walked up the sidewalk towards the Haus, a loud voice boomed from inside.

“COCKADOODLE MOTHERFUCKING DOO! RISE AND SHINE AND GET OUT OF MY HAUS!”

She couldn’t help but snort at his antics, nursing a cup of coffee as she bound up the steps and inside. She was still in yesterday's clothes, and she knew she’d get chirped for it, but right now she didn’t care. She stepped over a random body in the doorway and eyed the various people blearily waking up from where they had seemingly dropped the night before. She spotted Nursey with what looked like a leaf on his head near the stairs and nodded at him when they made eye contact.

“Lardo!” Shitty shouted through the megaphone, making her, and everyone nearby, cringe at the volume.

“Hey Lards, you’re just in time to help us clean up,” Holster teased as he walked by, picking up cups. She followed him into the kitchen.

“Hey Lardo,” Bitty greeted cheerfully from where he was scrubbing the kitchen counters.

“Mornin’ guys,” she replied.

“Bro, are you wearing last night's clothes?” Ransom asked, peeking out of the living room.

Holster stopped and stared. “Bro you are!”

“Deets!” The two D-men shouted immediately, abandoning their cleaning to slide over to her.

Lardo grinned cheekily. Bitty perked up a bit from the kitchen, moving his cleaning closer so he could listen. Shitty, though, his grin faltered. Lardo didn’t really pay attention to him, though, focusing her gaze on Ransom and Holster.

“Remember Jasmine, from the track team?” Lardo asked them.

“Holy fuck Lardo!” Holster laughed, offering up his fist. Lardo quickly bumped it with hers, smirking back at him.

“Little heads up for you guys, track girls have stamina.” Lardo wiggled her eyebrows and Ransom and Holster hollered.

As Lardo continued on, talking about how amazing her night was, Shitty slipped quietly away so he was out of hearing range.

🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒

(Winter Break - 2014 - Boston, MA)

Lardo glanced up when she heard the diner’s door open again, but the person who walked in wasn’t Shitty. She checked her phone for the hundredth time. She knew Harvard wasn’t a short drive from the diner, but she was still getting anxious. Just as she considering calling, the door opened again and Shitty stepped inside. His hair was still in a bun, but his suit coat was hanging open as he looked around the diner. His eyes met hers and she smiled at him. He quickly walked over, pulling out his ponytail as he slid into the seat across from her in the booth. “Fuck man.” He grabbed the glass in front of him and took a large drink. “Thanks.”

Lardo nodded, taking a sip of her own drink. “So, how’d it go?”

Shitty ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “It wasn’t that bad. I mean, the guy wasn’t as stuffy as I thought he’d be. He actually had some decent thoughts on gender roles, which I’d be hesitant to bring up at all.” He picked up the menu as he continued. “He said for him it took a few months to hear a response from Harvard. I applied to them first so I’m hoping it all went well, and I didn’t need to do the interview, but-” He set the menu down, looking a little worried. “It couldn’t have hurt my odds, right?”

“I don’t think so Shits,” Lardo replied. “And honestly, if Harvard doesn’t chose you, it’s their own loss.”

The waitress stopped in front of their table. “Ya know whatcha wanna order?”

“I’ll have the french dip and the side salad please,” Shitty told her. The waitress nodded and jotted it down before looking at Lardo.

“I would like the chicken and rice soup with the homemade chips.”

The waitress smiled and grabbed their menus before heading off.

“Harvard’s your first choice, right?” Lardo asked, setting her phone down beside her.

Shitty licked his lips. “I mean… yeah, it is. I’ve applied to Yale and Penn too. I heard back from Penn, so I know I have a back up-”

“Wait, you got accepted into Penn?” Lardo blurted out.

Shitty grinned sheepishly. “Whoops, did I forget to tell you? It was shortly after break started that I got the letter.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “It was exciting to know I have a back up. But it's not Harvard, ya know?”

Lardo nodded. “Yeah, cause it's definitely not a big deal that you got accepted into Penn,” She chirped.

“I forgot okay?” Shitty said with a chuckle.

“Uh huh,” Lardo teased. Shitty rolled his eyes and she smiled at him. “So, how’s the Christmas plans going?”

Shitty groaned and slumped down in his seat dramatically. “Terrible,” he whined. “Mom expects me to show up for a least some of the party we’re hosting at our house. I can get out of Dad’s, at least, because he’s outta state, and thank fuck because I didn’t wanna see him anyways.”

Lardo nodded sympathetically. “Well, you’re always welcome to swing by my place if you need a breather. You know my mom loves you.”

“Your mom is so rad. She’s like this small badass and I love it. Why can’t she be my mom?”

The “She can be,” was on the tip of Lardo’s tongue before she stopped and realized how Shitty could take that. “If she was your mom, then you wouldn’t be you.”

Shitty shrugged. “Maybe, or maybe I’d just be ten times cooler.”

Lardo snorted and Shitty flashed her a grin. “So, what are your plans for New Year's?” she asked.

His grin fell and turned into a grimace. “I’m tempted to go back to the Haus, honestly. I don’t have any and I don’t wanna stay at home any longer than I hafta.”

“A good chunk of the art department is gonna have a party on New Years. You could come with.”

Shitty’s expression brightened. He was about to reply when the waitress came back with their food. She divvied it out, and they both thanked her, before starting to eat.

“I’d love to come,” Shitty finally said after taking a bite.

Lardo grinned. “Alright, it’s a date then.”

🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒

Shitty came by to pick her up on the evening New Year’s Eve day. Lardo slid into the car with a small athletic bag and a larger, wrapped rectangle.

Shitty spotted the box immediately. “Bro, you didn’t.”

Lardo grinned cheekily and handed it to him. “Merry Christmas bro.”

“Can I open it now?” He asked excitedly.

“Of course,” Lardo laughed.

Shitty quickly tore through the wrapping paper to reveal the colorful canvas underneath. He let out a soft gasp. “Lards… This is beautiful.” His actions became ginger as he slid the painting the rest of the way out of its wrapping. His eyes were glued to the colors before him.

Lardo found herself flushing a bit. “It’s really not a big deal. I just… got inspired and I was thinking about you and this is what came of it.”

Shitty’s smile was wide when he finally glanced back at her. “We’ll have to stop by the Haus first so I can put this in my room.” He put the car into gear. “Party’s at Kotter, right?”

Lardo nodded. “Yeah. Do you mind if I crash in your room afterwards? I don’t wanna take the bus back so late. Too many drunks.”

“Of course,” Shitty replied instantly. “You can crash at mine any time.”

The car ride back to Samwell was filled with easy chatter and tons of singing. Shitty was never one who was afraid to sing in the car, especially if he loved the song. He sometimes danced too, which always made Lardo smile, and usually she’d dance along.

They reached Samwell around five. Shitty cheered when he found a parking spot near the Haus.

“It’s okay if we just walk from here, right?” Shitty asked as they stepped out of the car.

“No. That's way too far, how will we ever do it?” Lardo replied sarcastically.

Shitty snorted, opening the back door to grab the painting. He cradled it as they headed up the steps and inside.

“You can chill on the couch if you want. I’m just gonna go lay this on my desk,” Shitty explained.

“Sounds cool brah,” Lardo said before plopping down on said couch while Shitty clambered up the stairs.

Lardo sent a quick snap to Bitty of her on the couch, knowing how much he hated it, while she waited. She’d just typed out the message on it when Shitty appeared again.

“Ready?”

Lardo looked up. “Yeah totally.” She hit send on the picture and followed her friend outside and across campus.

“So how many people are gonna be there?” Shitty asked as they started to walk.

Lardo shrugged. “Not a whole lot? But it's not gonna be like just ten people either.” She checked her phone. “Maybe like 25?”

“And there's gonna be food, right?” He checked.

Lardo chuckled. “I told you all this yesterday.”

“I don't know, maybe something changed,” Shitty protested, but he was smiling.

“Art students aren’t that wishy washy.”

Shitty laughed. “Uh huh! Says the girl who takes hours to chose a background color.”

“Ok, maybe we’re sometimes wishy washy, but only for good reasons,” Lardo argued.

When they finally reached the art building, several other students were already there, and others were trickling in. There were several choruses of “Larissa!” and Lardo beamed, waving at and hugging her friends.

It didn’t take long for her to introduce Shitty to everybody. Several people already knew him, and more recognized him from all the times he was there with Lardo.

The party slowly ramped up and it was in full swing about an hour later when the pizza arrived. Shitty was having a great time talking with other people, but he still stuck fairly close to Lardo throughout the night.

The group was scattered around the room. Someone had brought Cards Against Humanity and a large game had started, while others were gathering around the hijacked projector watching Dick Clark’s New Year's Eve show. Bowls of chips and pizza boxes were passed around, the group slowly merging to all watch the projector as Times Square and the Ball was pulled up on screen.

Lardo was currently pressed into Shitty’s side on the couch in the main lounge of the art studio. Shitty’s arm was slung over her shoulder, a mixed drink in his hand. Lardo had taken her last shot about thirty minutes ago and was now munching on a bag of chips.

“So, you gonna kiss anyone at midnight?” Lardo asked Shitty nonchalantly.

Shitty shrugged. “I don’t know brah, I’m not really one to just kiss a random stranger.”

Lardo nodded. “Well why don’t we just kiss each other then?”

Shitty blinked, glancing down at her.  His eyes were a bit wide, but his expression was blank.

“I mean... Sure, why not?” he finally said after a pause.

“Cool,” she glanced at the time. “Looks like we have like five minutes. Maybe I should stop eating doritos so I don't have cheese breath.”

Shitty snorted. “Brah, bring it on. Who cares about the cheese? Doritos are great anyways.”

Lardo beamed. “They're the best.” She reached back into the bag and realized there were only a few left. “Want the last Dorito?”

“Dude, I’d be honored.” Shitty placed a hand over his heart before he took the chip from her hand. He then held out his. “Here, I’ll go throw our trash away.”

“Thanks man,” Lardo said, shifting a bit so he could stand up. She glanced back at the clock, only a little over two minutes to go.

There was only one minute left when Shitty made it back to her. Everyone was getting hyped up now, gathering around the projector.

“Wanna go stand with everyone else and watch the ball drop?” Shitty asked, not sitting down yet.

“I can see it from here,” Lardo said, just as someone stepped into her field of view. “Dang it, okay we can move closer.”

Shitty beamed and helped her up, walking over and trying to find a semi-open spot where they could see.

“Twenty seconds guys!” Someone shouted and the room cheered. Lardo glanced at the screen, where everyone in Times Square was freaking out, and then back at Shitty as everyone started counting down.

“5-”

Shitty shifted closer to Lardo.

“4-”

His hand went up to cup her cheek.

“3-”

Lardo stood on her tip toes-

“2-”

-and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“1-”

Shitty’s lips touched hers.

“HAPPY NEW YEARS!”

Cheers and screams erupted around them, but as Lardo’s eyes fluttered closed, the only thing she heard was Shitty’s quiet gasp. Lardo’s lips moved against his, moving the kiss from chaste to slightly more heated.

Before it could go any further, Shitty pulled back. Lardo was dazed, her mind reeling from the various emotions flashing through her head. She didn’t know why his kiss had left her reeling, when no one else’s had ever done that. With anyone else, it was all lust fueled actions, the same end goal in mind. When he kissed her, it held none of that desperation. They were tender, slow, thoughtful.

“Happy New Year Lards,” Shitty whispered, despite the clamor around them. He took a slight step back from her and Lardo instantly missed the warmth.

“Yeah, Happy New Year,” she repeated.

🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒

Lardo glared at the skates in Shitty’s hands like they were gonna bite her. Beside them was the frozen pond, which looked much more menacing now that she knew she was going to be on it soon. “You know, I really like solid ground for many reasons, the biggest being that it normally isn’t trying to make me fall, because friction and all that. It’s pretty nice. The best actually.”

Shitty looked unimpressed. “You’re the manager of a hockey team… who can’t skate.”

“I don’t see a problem with that-”

“Aaandd too bad,” he cut off, grinning at her. “Come on, I’ve sat through tons of your paint-related tangents before, gone on more shopping trips with you than I can remember to random art stores-”

“I literally watch every game of yours.”

“-I could have a membership at plenty of art museums, I’ve modeled for you. Can’t you try the ice for me?” His grin melted into a softer one, pleading.

Lardo’s cheeks heated up a bit, and not just because of the cold. “You can’t use that stuff against me,” she muttered as she grabbed the skates from him. “And you liked those art museums too.”

Shitty laughed. “You’re right, you’re right.” He knelt in front of her whenever she paused too long trying to figure out how to put the skates on. “Brace yourself,” was all the warning she had before Shitty lifted up her foot and began to unlace her shoes.

“H-Hey!” Lardo laughed. Her hand flailed for a second before it landed on his shoulder, digging into his coat to hold herself steady. Shitty looked up at her and winked as he slipped off her shoe.

“Skate please.” Shitty holds out his hand and Lardo hands him the right skate. “Thank you m’lady.”

“You’re welcome kind sir,” Lardo teased back.

Shitty quieted then as he worked on changing her shoes. He laced them up with a calm, practiced ease. It helped with Lardo’s own anxiety about getting on the ice, mainly because all she could focus on was the red tinge on Shitty’s ears and the way his hand felt bracing her ankle.

“Lards?”

Lardo blinked, focusing on Shitty, who was now looking at her. “Huh?”

“I said you’re good to go,” he repeated.

“Oh, okay,” she replied softly. Her gaze went back to the ice.

“Come on,” Shitty coaxed, stepping beside her and offering his hand. “I won’t let you fall.”

Lardo took a deep breath before taking Shitty’s hand. She made her way slowly over to the ice, her grip on him tightening with each step.

When they got to the edge of the pond, it was Shitty who had to pull her on with him.

Instantly, Lardo’s knees were turned in and bent. It took all her energy just to keep her feet from sliding apart. Shitty grabbed her other hand and slowly skated them backwards, just dragging her along.

“Come on, turn your heels in, just trust the skate to hold you. It will,” Shitty encouraged softly.

“Y-You’re fuckin’ insane!” Lardo yelped. “W-What hair brained idiot invented this? I bet it was some wasted Canadian who was like ‘Oh lemme strap some blades to mah feet and just scoot onto this ice here, eh. Be for a good laugh.’”

Her attempt at a Canadian accent had Shitty doubling over with laughter. Each wheezing breath punctuated by the fog coming out of his mouth. He leaned away a bit and Lardo scrambled forward to keep her grasp on him. “Shitty!”

Shitty’s hands slid up to her elbows, still beaming. “I got you,” he soothed. “Deep breaths Lards.”

Lardo locked eyes with him. She nodded and took in a slow breath before slowly trying to straighten up.

“There ya go. Instead of moving like you would on land, you need to push through with each movement. Just kind of sway left and right,” He coached, his voice still low and gentle.

Lardo did her best to follow Shitty’s instructions as he continued to slowly move them around the ice. Even while skating backwards, he seemed so at ease on the ice and that encouraged her to keep trying despite her aching legs.

“I’m gonna let you go now.”

Lardo’s head snapped up to look at Shitty, who’d somehow moved closer to her over the course of their skating. Green eyes shone with delight when they met hers.

“You can do it brah, I believe in you. You won’t get hurt, I promise.”

“But what if I fall? What if the ice breaks?” Lardo rattled off nervously.

“Do you really think something as tiny as you could break the ice?” Shitty chirped.

“I’d break the ice better than your white ass ever could,” Lardo fired back quickly, letting go without thinking.

The second she did, Shitty pushed himself back a couple of feet. Lardo saw his grin and she knew.

“Goddamnit it Shitty Knight you fucker. You said that on purpose.” Lardo’s feet wobbled, her knees slowly falling inward again.

Shitty cackled. “Me? Never.” He held out a hand for her. “If you break the ice, I promise to rescue you, okay?”

“That's not good enough,” Lardo argued, trying to sound mad but it came out as more of a whine.

“You’re right. I’ll get you a cheesecake too. Now come on, slide your feet outward, left and right just a bit. There ya go.”

Lardo started to shuffle forward. She kept her left foot firmly planted on the ground and only barely picked up the right one to push herself the smallest of increments. Shitty cheered for her with every small stride that she made.

She must’ve shown some sort of improvement in her movements, because as she got closer to Shitty, he started to skate backwards. Soon, he was doing laps around her, laughing.

“Dammit, hold still you fucker,” Lardo barked, but she was smiling. It was obvious how much fun he was having, and despite her constant fear of falling, she was enjoying herself too.

Until she decided to try and speed up a bit.

Shitty was across the pond when Lardo started to lengthen her strides. She was doing okay, and even started laughing for a bit.

“Shits! Hey look, I’m doing i-” Lardo called out, turning to look for him when her left foot decided it didn’t want to go forward anymore.

Lardo let out a yelp as she started to lose her balance. She tried to pull her foot back in, but to no avail. She closed her eyes, prepared to hit the ice, when strong arms suddenly wrapped around her. She floundered and scrambled to grab them, which only served to knock over her would-be-savior as well.

The two of them fell with a solid thud, Lardo landing on top of Shitty, who took the brunt of the fall.

Shitty let out a breathless chuckle from underneath her. “Oww…” he moaned softly.

Lardo turned over on Shitty’s chest to look at him. “Did we break the ice?”

“No, and we didn’t break any bones either,” he replied. He smiled softly, arms still around her. “I told you I wouldn’t let you get hurt.”

Lardo frowned slightly. “Does this mean I don’t get any cheesecake then?”

“Not a whole one at least,” Shitty laughed, slowing pulling the both of them to their feet. “Come on, we can take these skates off and go grab a slice from Jerry’s.”

Lardo beamed, allowing herself to be dragged off the ice. “‘Swawesome.”

🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒

(Night before 2.11)

Lardo might’ve been staring at the wall for minutes, or hours, she wasn’t sure. If it hadn’t been for her phone quacking, it might have been even longer. She blinked sleepily, dragging herself out of her stupor to look at her phone.

Shits: hows it goin

Lardo blearily unlocked her phone and pounded out a reply.

“Dying inside. Human battery levels critically low. I need energy juice asap.”

Her phone notified her of another text almost instantly.

Shits: omw

Lardo let out a small sigh and set her phone back down. Her gaze went back to the pile of assorted junk/extra items that were lying around the Haus. She had two of her pieces done already, but they didn’t quite fill up her assigned spot yet. Her biggest piece, and the one she spent the most time on, was the large painting that took up three canvases. The other piece was a charcoal drawing she’d done at the beginning of the year of a burning government building.

She needed at least one more thing, and that would make her happy, but she didn’t know what to do.

The door opened noisily, snapping her out of her daze once more. Shitty was balancing two boxes of Monster in one arm, and holding a grocery bag in the other.

“Guess who brought pie?” Shitty sung loudly.

Lardo put a hand on her chest. “Dude, have I ever told you that you’re the best?”

He laughed, setting down the bag and boxes on a nearby table. “I don’t know, but feel free to say it more often.”

“Maybe, I don’t want it going to your head,” she chirped, hopping off of her stool to grab a drink. Shitty dug into the bag and pulled out the container of pie, popping it open and handing her a fork.

“Fuck brah, its blackberry isn’t it.” She dug her fork in and shovelled out a large chunk. “That’s my favorite.”

“Bits has been stress baking all night dude. He’s been making everyone’s fav.” He took a bite. “So, whatcha need help with?”

Lardo groaned, dropping her head to the table. “I need one more piece, and I can’t think of shit.”

“Let’s brain storm then. I’m pretty good at thinking of random shit.”

“Anything would be helpful at this point. Even your nonsense,” Lardo chirped, peering up at him.

Shitty gasped. “Not everything I say is nonsense. How dare you.”

Lardo laughed and took another bite of pie before grabbing her container and moving to sit on the ground.

They spent hours tossing ideas back and forth, but none of them stuck. The two of them were lying on the floor, staring up at the ceiling.

“Do you have some sort of central meaning you want to come across?” Shitty finally asked.

“I’m just trying to say ‘fuck the patriarchy’ ya know? Like with the painting, it's all about how abs can look great and have a pink polkadot background,” Lardo waved her hand around, “like who gives a fuck. Just, like, things that frustrate me about society! For example, how people like Bitty think they can’t be out in sports because others will be literal assholes to him-” Lardo bolted upright. “Holy fuck that’s it.”

Shitty perked up. “What’s it?”

Lardo leapt out of her seat and went over to her large pile of assorted things. She quickly found what she was looking for, yanking out a jockstrap and a cup. She looked over at Shitty. “How do you feel about bedazzling this?”

It took a while for Lardo to glue everything together like she wanted it, as well as put on the base coat, but she had her idea in mind which made the entire process easier. Her goal was to craft it in such a way that it looked plain from certain angles, but violently rainbow from others, plus have gemstones and glitter on it.

With a sudden burst of renewed energy that only comes from lack of sleep, Lardo easily instructed Shitty through the process with her. It didn’t take long for them to scrounge up the parts, and with both of them working on, it was finished much sooner than Lardo had anticipated.

But it had to be perfect.

Lardo picked and prodded, making minor adjustments to the piece as she circled around it. She looked at it from every angle.

After an hour of this, Shitty finally stood up, stretching.

“Okay artist, time to go.”

“No. It needs to be the best. I need more time,” Lardo argued.

“It’s already beautiful Lards-”

Lardo whined. “Just a little bit longer.”

Shitty moved to stand in front of her, his hand cupping her chin to make her look at him. “Seriously, it’s 5AM. It looks perfect. You need sleep,” Shitty instructed, his voice firm yet soothing.

“But Shits-” Lardo protested.

“What do you want to do to it still?”

Lardo paused and looked at the piece. She furrowed her eyebrows. “... Nothing.”

Shitty nodded. “Exactly. Now come on,” he bent over and scooped her up in his arms, “bedtime for the art student.”

Normally, Lardo would protest to being handled like this, but she was exhausted, so instead she rested her head against Shitty’s chest. “I need to set it up still…”

“What time is the show?” He asked as he started walking.

“Um… five.”

Shitty raised an eyebrow at her. “And what time do you need to be set up by?”

Lardo sighed. “Three.”

“So you can set up later, and you can sleep in tomorrow, too.” Shitty shifted her in his arms. “Now, do you want to go back to your dorm or-”

“The Haus,” Lardo said quickly. “I-I want to go to the Haus, if that’s okay. It’s just quieter there and I won’t have to deal with my roommates-”

“Of course you can go to the Haus. You can have my bed if you want.”

“Not have it, we can share it.”

Shitty snorted. “As long as you don’t hog the sheets like last time.”

“I don’t hog the sheets,” Lardo protested.

The two continued to softly talk and chirp each other until they reached the Haus. Lardo’s eyes were starting to droop as Shitty ascended the stairs to his room.

Just as he set her down on the bed, Lardo remembered something.

“What’re you gonna wear tomorrow?” she asked groggily.

“Um… What should I wear tomorrow?”

“You’ve a suit right?”

“Yeah.”

Lardo nodded. “Wear that. And tell the other boys to too. Dress nice.”

Shitty chuckled. “I will. Sleep Lards.”

She nodded again, snuggling up under his comforter and easily falling asleep in her best friend’s bed.

🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒

Harvard.

Shits got into Harvard, which was in Boston, which most certainly was not the same town as Samwell.

Everyone was clamoring around Shitty, hugging and congratulating him, but Lardo felt like she couldn’t breathe. Her body was locked into place as Chowder suddenly launched past her and onto the top of the dog pile in the middle of the art gallery.

Lardo spun on her heels and sprinted out the door before she realized she was even moving. Tears welled up in the corner of her vision, and as the wind outside hit her face, they finally poured over.

Lardo continued to run until she reached the spot. She slid into the cubby without a second thought and instantly curled into herself. She tried to listen to the sound of the Pond and the wind instead of the thoughts filling her head.

Harvard. Leaving. Boston. Graduating. Gone. Left. Away. Not a five minute walk away, but a 40 minute drive away. Not here, in their corner. Not helping with art projects. Law school. Leaving. Leaving. Harvard. Graduating. Gone.

It wasn’t the soft crunch of feet against the frozen ground that pulled her out of her daze, but rather a warm coat sliding around her shoulders. Lardo raised her head and was met with familiar green eyes.

“Hey,” Lardo mumbled wetly, rubbing her eyes with the heel of her hand. “Do you come here often?”

Shitty let out a breath, give a small, weak smile. “Come on, I didn’t mean to upstage your own art show. I mean this is supposed to be big, and yet here you are out here because-”

“No, I’m so happy that you go into Harvard,” Lardo cut in, but she had to stop when she got choked up again. “It’s ‘swawesome. A-And it’s not like you planned that email to come in right then.” She laughed a bit.

Shitty’s eyebrows furrowed. “Lards-”

“You’re leaving.” Lardo blurted out. “You’re leaving, like graduating for real, and that means you won’t be here. In the Haus, at games. You won’t go on roadies anymore, and you won’t be at practice. You can’t help me bedazzle a jockstrap at 4am, and just bring me coffee in the middle of the day because you know I’ve been here so long. Who’s gonna pull me out of class and take me to Annie’s and remind me to take breaks sometimes? No one else has even been in the art building before, because I wouldn’t let them, because it was our thing and it can’t be our thing if you’re not here. I just, you mean so much to me and you’re not gonna be here- F-Fuck. I mean, I love you and you’re going to Harvard-”

Shitty had a hand on her shoulder, and had been about to pull her closer when he froze. His eyes were wide and his lips were parted. Lardo blinked, rethinking what she said to try and figure out his shock.

Oh.

“I-I love you,” she repeated softly. “I’m sorry it took this long for me to realize but I really do and I don’t want to lose you-”

Shitty’s expression shifted from shock to adoration. “Larissa Duan, you are never gonna lose me.” His hand twitched on her shoulder and his nose colored red with a blush. “Can I kiss you now?”

Lardo beamed and threw herself forward at him, arms wrapping around the back of his neck. Shitty let out a slight yelp as he fell back, his arms locking around her waist. He huffed out a laugh as her lips met his. Lardo laughed. “You’re always catching me, huh?”

Shitty smiled. “I always will if you’ll let me.”

“You’re such a sap,” Lardo chirped. After exchanging kisses for a moment, Lardo pulled back, shivering. “Fuck, when did it get so cold out?”

Shitty laughed, pulling them back up so they were seated again. He snatched his coat off of the ground and wrapped it back around Lardo’s shoulders. She slipped her arms inside of the sleeves. “Damn, I messed up your bun.” She commented, eyebrows furrowed.

Shitty moved his hand up to pat the fussed hair. He shrugged. “It would’ve come out eventually.” He smiled for a second, but then it faltered. “Um… Does this mean… Are we dating now?”

Lardo nodded, wrapping her arms back around his neck. “I’d really like to be, if you’re down with that.”

“I’m pretty down with that,” Shitty said, leaning in and giving her another kiss. “Also, out of curiosity…”

“When did I realize all of this?” Lardo finished. Shitty nodded and she sighed. “Honestly, it’s kinda weird. It was after New Year’s that I realized kissing anyone else was different than it was with you, and I guess I kinda stopped hooking up with other people without really realizing why. But tonight, when you talked about leaving… It just hit me, I guess.”

Shitty smirked. “So maybe it’s a good thing that I interrupted your art show.”

“Shut up,” Lardo chirped, but she kissed him again anyways.

🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒

(Before and During 3.11 - Epilogue)

Shitty was curled around her like an octopus, which didn’t make it very easy for Lardo to grab her phone off of the night stand and turn off her alarm.

“Shitty-”

He groaned.

“-we have to get up.”

His arms tightened around her and he buried his face further into her neck. “Don’t wanna,” he whined softly, his voice muffled.

Lardo started to trail her nails softly up and down Shitty’s back, which instantly gave him goosebumps. “Fuck Lards,” he moaned softly. She immediately stopped and he looked up.

“Oh good, you’re awake,” she chirped. “But seriously, we have to get brunch at Jerry’s, Bitty’s orders, and I really want a Pineapple Blueberry tea from Annie’s before we go.”

Shitty groaned again and rolled onto his back, finally letting go of her. He turned his head to the left to look at his girlfriend. “That means you want me to sneak out of the Haus and run to Annie’s now and meet you there?”

Lardo beamed. “I was just gonna say we need to leave earlier, but that sounds even better.”

Shitty laughed. “Fuck me. Okay, only because I love you.” He swung his legs out of bed and quickly threw on some clothes, grabbing one of his favorite blazer from out of his bag. He wandered into the bathroom to freshen up, and Lardo curled back under the covers, checking through her messages on her phone.

The bathroom door opened with a soft squeak and Shitty came over to kiss Lardo’s forehead.

“See you in a few,” he said before heading out of the Haus.

After he left, Lardo only stayed in bed for a few seconds more before finally rolling out and getting ready herself.

She was in the middle of adjusting her beanie when she heard Ransom and Holster shouting. She shook her head, smiling to herself as she pocketed her phone and walked out of the room.

“Oh, hey Lards!” Ransom greeted. “I’m guessing Bitty texted you too?”

“Yup, brunch meetup.”

Holster quickly butted in. “Lardo! Ransom doesn’t know-”

“I heard you hollering about it,” she cut in as they headed down the steps.

“GOBSMACKED!”

“Rans, how do you not know about Jbrizzle?” Lardo asked as Holster kept yelling about his disbelief in the background.

Ransom just sighed as they walked out the door, but Lardo wasn’t letting it go. “Have you like, never had brunch before?”

“They serve brunch in the dining halls,” he grumbled.

“That’s trash brunch. This is Jerry’s brunch.”

“How are you a senior at Samwell University?” Holster all but shouted.

Ransom threw his hands up in the air. “I don’t know, okay? Look, maybe Bitty’s-”

“Bitty talks about Jerry’s Brunch all the time,” Holster cut in. “He loves their whoopie pies. That’s like a three star Michelin rating.”

As they waited to cross the road, Lardo pulled out her phone and texted Shitty about the conversation.

Shits: poor Ransom. He doesn’t know what he’s been missing.

Shits: where r u btw?

Lardo glanced up at the street signs and quickly typed in their location.

Shits: alright cya in a sec <3

Lardo grinned to herself and looked back up.

Holster still hadn’t let the topic go. “Even Jack knows about Jerry’s Brunch. And he just didn’t live under a rock at Samwell. Oh no! His rock had like twenty other rocks on top of it!”

Lardo smirked to herself. “Rock Lord,” she agreed.

“Wait- is that Shitty?”

Lardo looked up at Ransom’s words and smiled when she saw her boyfriend walking towards them with two drinks in hand.

“Yo, Shits! What the hell man?” Holster asked as he walked towards them.

“Morning lady and gentlemen,” he greeted. “It’s ‘I’m ready for mimosas’ o’clock.”

The four of them stopped near Jerry’s when Shitty handed her her drink. Lardo grinned and took a sip.

“But… like I thought you went back to Boston last night,” Ransom said, glancing at Holster and then back at them, eyebrows furrowed.

“Aahhh. Well,” He glanced at Lardo and gave a small smile. “You know.”

The two of them turned and continued walking, leaving Ransom and Holster puzzled and confused. Lardo was grinning widely at this point, and when Shitty glanced over at her and winked, she took another sip of her drink and knew.

She’d made the right choice.

#shardo #shitty/lardo #omgcp fanfic #swawesome santa #litty #lololol #thats my fav ship name #i actually really like shardo #but litty is funny

[cpask-acc-blog]

Has anyone read this?!

I found this deep in tumblr by someone named Toxiad... She/he made this in about 2013 so it is pretty old.... Anyone familiar with it.? Dog Teeth 17 year-old Heather Walker was found dead in the forest of Flagstaff, Arizona right off of Kachina Village on October 7th 2012 after going missing on the 5th of the same month. Her body was found completely mutilated with signs of scratches, bites and even stab wounds. The most horrific part was about the fact that she had a bite mark that went deep enough to tear out her Carotid Artery. Everyone of this peaceful and secluded village were questioning, due to the fact of them not usually seeing viscous animals anywhere close to Kachina Village. Fortunately, all clues led to Anastasia "Ana" Walker, Heather's 22 year-old sister who went missing two nights before. Ana stayed home most of her days, due to not having enough money to move away to college after being homeschooled all her life while her younger and more educated sister attended Flagstaff High, who got principals list almost all of this year. "Very Delusional" Anastasia's mother, Amy Walker tells the local press after they asked her about Anastasia and her normal behavior. "Unfortunately, I could've seen this coming my way" She says. While searching through both of the girls' rooms, Local Authorities found a Diary on Heather's desk, along with a newly sharpened pencil. All fingers pointed to Anastasia after both the authorities and the kids' mother read it. Here we have it ready to show to everyone across the nation. Please, report suspicious and odd behavior not only to your parents but also authorities if it gets bad enough. Here is Heather's story. September 7th 2012 Dear Diary, Mr. Lindbergh is making us do a diary about someone in our family as a giant project or assignment. There are 2 people in my family. My mom and my older sister. I'm thinking about doing my sister. My mother is nothing interesting. She sits in front of our television and smokes all day, can't write about that for 4 months, can I? My sister cooks the dinner, buys the groceries, and puts me to bed as my mother watches the newest episodes of Grey's Anatomy. My sister is Anastasia, or Ana for short. She's 21 years-old and due to her being 5 years older than me I'm about half a foot taller (she's 5'1 and I'm 5'7). She was homeschooled after 2nd grade. She definitely isn't sharpest person in the world so I'm not sure why an imbecile like her would be in charge of this house or me specifically. _____________________________ September 13th 2012 Dear Diary, Today is Ana's 22nd Birthday. She drove herself and I to a park to meet family and have a picnic. For her birthday I got her tan leather jacket with pockets and buttons all over it. She got other things like makeup (even though she doesn't wear any) and some hair stuff for her very long brown hair. We ate things like burgers and salad. Of course with her food she ate her pills. Ana has Pulmonary hemorrhage, it's a desiese thing that makes her cough up blood when pressure is put on her chest or when she experiences tons of physical activity if she doesn't take her antibiotics and medicines. Weird enough, she ate a burger even though she's a vegetarian. I snitched on her when I got home, so for the first time in awhile my mom got her lard-ass off the couch and scolded her. Anastasia came back. My mother told her she couldn't drive to work for a week. She has to ride her bike. We support vegetarianism... Because my mom thinks meat is too expensive. She put me to bed like any normal night, saying "I love you, Heather Feather" to me like usual. Ive never heard her call me 'Heather Feather' so I told her to just go to bed. That crippled fuck better act up before she completely gets her life ruined. Happy birthday Anastasia. Mr. Lindbergh better report this once he reads it, and get me out of this hell hole. ____________________________ September 15th 2012 Dear Diary, Today was a normal day. If anything it was a great day. I pulled the best prank on poor Anastasia. It must be her "shark week" because when I walked into the shower just a few hours ago I found large puddles of blood and blood clots on the shower floor. I mopped up what she left behind and put it on the bathroom floor. I called her in to brush her teeth so when she did, she ran in, slipped, and fell on her side completely! Of course, Ana began to cry and yell. Blood came from her mouth while doing so. My mother came in. She asked what happened and she said that I put her lung blood on the ground. I told mom it was period blood and she agreed with me. She lit a cigarette and walked out laughing, smoke coming from her mouth and nose as she did so. I brushed my teeth and went to bed like any normal night. I'm sure I left her there. Don't worry Mr. Lindbergh, this is like any normal day here. Nothing has changed. ____________________________ September 17th 2012 Dear Diary, My sister Ana was out late last night. She said she was going out with "friends" even though I'm sure that loser doesn't even have any friends. I saw her the next morning. The news stated how wolves could be spotted around the area and have been captured, being held at the town's cheap-ass animal shelter. Who would think to put a WOLF in a innocent animal shelter for cats and dogs. Apparently the wolves couldn't even have killed anything, they had no teeth.. Ana said some sicko probably took and harvested them to sell them. I called her disgusting to even think of that. If anything she's probably the sicko.. When she was walking me to school she let out a small cough. Blood came up. She must've ran out of meds. I think she took the last one last night. Though I thought last night it was full... Anyways When she walked me to school I saw a spool of thread, a string, and one hell of a sharp needle in her sweater pocket. I asked what for and all she said was an art project. She's such a nerd, reading books and drawing when she has free time. God it's 2012. Ana, upgrade your phone, buy better clothes, then talk to me. I'll probably be nice then. ___________________________ September 20th 2012 Dear Diary, Yes, I know I haven't written anything in while but things have been bad lately. Don't deduct points, Mr. Lindbergh. Ana's been having horrid night terrors, making her wake up in tears, screaming. I asked her and she told me that she dreams of a ghostly figure composed of smoke. Of course I went to see if my mother was gonna do anything but she was still sitting there, smoking. I told Ana to shape up and stop being such a pussy. She's 22,what's she gonna do next, pee the bed? An also seemed to have lost one of her canine teeth. The other one seemed irregularly long and sharp. If anything this all might be because of Ashley. Things haven't been the same ever since Ashley left us a few months before. I never forgave my mom after second-hand smoke killed my oldest sister. Lung cancer. Yet she did nothing. She just kept smoking. Ana was closest to her. And she loved her the most. Even when I tried to go back to bed Ana was still whimpering. I went in and yelled at her to shut the hell up, She stopped and went for a walk. I never heard her come back that night. ___________________________ September 21st 2012 Dear Diary, Ana was back the next morning. I walked out of my room and she was there eating her favorite cereal, Lucky Charms. Very classy. Every bite she took she had the nerve reaction to cover her mouth. I got concerned when I saw milk with dark shade of pink drip from her mouth. I asked if she bit her tongue since blood red and white would make pink. Right? anyways, she covered her mouth and ran to her room. She came back out with a black couture Surgical Mask with a cartoon-like toothy grin on it. I called her a weeaboo. All she did was stare. That day her and I took her cat, Chandler out on a walk. Chandler is a Siberian Cat, which makes her super fluffy. Ana always wanted a hairless one but I hated her so much she agreed to get one with actual hair. On our walk we spotted a few missing dog posters. One a Great Dane named Rex, another a Chihuahua named Honey, and finally a Siberian Husky named Bear Bear. Every time we passed one Ana would either stare at the flyer, lick her lips, or say the simple phrase "what a shame". ______________________________ September 23rd 2012 Dear Diary, Ana drove me to Jenelle's house today. Jenelle White is my best friend. I've known her since diapers, and so has Ana and Ashley. She's been there for me longer that Ana has. I would much rather her be my caretaker than Ana. Also, when Ana was driving me to school since she got her car keys back, she began to hold a piece of fur in her pocket. It was grey and white and even blue. "Like a Husky's fur" she called it. The missing canine tooth grew back completely. Sharper and longer than ever. It could probably pierce skin.. ______________________________ October 3rd 2012 Dear Diary, Today, Ana drove her and I to a nearby creek that was located right by our community. Tons of teenagers my age and young adults come around daily. Ana refused to take her mask off ever since the milk scenario last month so she wore it to the creek. That Homo laid her eyes on a girl around her age when she walked past us. If I haven't mentioned it already in this lame-ass diary, Ana's Bisexual. My mother either thought you like dick or pussy, never both. My mother a,ways hated Ana for that since she doesn't believe in that sexuality. Since Ana chooses to be it, my mother calls her "confused" or "indecisive". Ana could be such a babe. Her long brown hair, her even and full eyebrows, her long lashes, and her bright green eyes, and even her curvy body. It's a shame she hides behind glasses, sweatshirts, and masks. I always envied her beauty. Ana couldn't stop staring at the girl walking past us. Of course I had to ruin it. I yelled, "Damn Ana, drool much?! Take your meds, it'll likely make you feel better.." The girl gave us a dirty look before walking away. Ana quickly got up, grabbed my arm, and told me to follow her down from the creek and into the woods. We got far enough, to the point where you couldn't even tell where we were. Like we were lost. The whole time we were walking she held me by the hand tightly, practically dragging me. I soon got worried. I yelled, "your hands getting clammy, what the hell do you want?" She turned around and pushed me to the ground. I saw the fury in her eyes. This wasn't her. "What is your problem? Do you hate me? I'm the one that cooks for you, feeds you, pays the bills, and works to give this family money. And this is the thanks is get?" Halfway through her yelling at me, she began to spit up blood, I can tell from the mask since the white on it soon began to turn red along with the vomit noises that began to come from her. "I'm not loved and that's all I want! I don't even need that. Just a simple thanks or anything would be better than the shit lows you tell me daily. I want to be happy, surrounded by love, not smoke and negative names and words? Don't think I haven't read your fucking diary, Heather. Maybe I should go, and leave you to die like how dad did to us and Ashley. I'm losing hope" she cried. The tears and the blood from her mouth mixed, dripping down her chin and onto the forest floor. She told me how on the night of the prank, she swallowed her new bottle of pills, bought more, and swallowed them all again the night when she saw the ghost of smoke, hoping it would end it all. But, it just stopped her bleeding and shortened her breathing by a lot. Nothing too major for her apparently. I got up. "Then leave! That's all I've wanted you to do. Or you can just go die like Ashley" I told her. She yelled at me to take that back before calling her names like "fag" or "whore". It was a few quick seconds before she launched herself onto me, pinning my head to the forest ground. She managed to get a good punch onto me. I grabbed her car keys from her sweater pocket and used it to slash whatever was in front of me. One slash, I felt blood on my face. Two slashes, three. I heard a rip. I opened my eyes. The key to her car tore through her eyebrow, leaving blood to drip onto my face. the other slashes ripped her mask, leaving it to fall to the ground. I looked up, Ana's mouth had sharp teeth coming out of it from every direction. Both big and small. Ana placed one hand on my head, applying force to it along with her other hand which was on my shoulder. Hair was moved away from my neck, leaving it open to be attacked. She got close to my neck. But no matter how much I thrashed and kicked, she didn't move. She let her tongue out of her mouth. It had stitches and gashes all over it. She then let her mouth open. Teeth large and small stuck out in every direction. It looked unnatural. Stitches could be seen to be attaching the teeth to her gums. The teeth were all so sharp it looked like it could pierce anything. They were dog teeth. Thankfully, all my screaming attracted a pedestrian. They pushed Ana off me, leaving me to run. I grabbed her car keys, ran for the car, and drove home. There, I locked all our doors, told my mother, locked myself in my room, and didn't go to sleep. get me out of here. Hopefully Ana was arrested. That night I texted her, if she still had it. "i know what happened to those dogs." I investigated this freaks room. Under her bed, in her desk, and in her closet. I found a bloody string, needle, and a mixed bag of sharp dog teeth and human teeth. I'm never gonna sleep again. ____________________________ October 4th. 2012 Dear Diary, Apparently I did sleep last night. Not well though. I woke up feeling itchy, and sticky. I woke up in hair. Long strands of brown hair filled my sheets and in my bed. It was like Ana's. She never came back home, gratefully. The bag of teeth was gone though, my mother must've grabbed it along with Ana's tan leather jacket and black pants. No time to worry. I need to get to school. I need to talk to Jenelle tomorrow, she's gonna be the only one who's gonna believe me in this situation. _____________________________ October 4th (2) 2012 Dear Diary, All the missing dogs were found last night! Sadly, they were left with no Jugular and no teeth. Dead. Stuffed underneath a broken down bus that stays parked by my school. My school-mate Jenelle went missing last night also. Last seen by the creek yesterday where I was. I need to find her if she's not at school tomorrow, she's one of my closest friends. I asked my mother about finding the teeth and taking her clothes. It was only when she said "what bag of teeth?" And "what clothes?" It made my heart sink. No. Ana's arrested. Gone. i'm fine. We're okay. I received a text from Ana. It's a picture of her holding hair-cutting scissors in front of my window. Her long strands of brown hair could also be seen on my sleeping body and bed. She sent another picture to me. It was a selfie of her. She was in her tan leather jacket I gave her, I could tell from the collar. Her hair was cut so short that it couldn't even tout his her shoulders. It was flipped over, and messy. The mask she owned was fixed, you could tell by the stitches that were found going across the mask, She had multiple piercings in her ear, she had a gash in her eyebrow still, leaving a large stripe of eyebrow hair missing. But most importantly, her teeth. The ones that stuck out of her mouth were covered in blood. Blood could be seen dripping from her mouth and down her chin. I threw my phone under my bed. I don't ever want to see it again. I cried myself to sleep last night. I miss you Ashley. Dad. Come back. _________________________ October 5th 2012 Dear Diary, something's wrong with me. I wanna die. I'm gonna die. Last night I woke up to a whisper in my ear. It sounded familiar. Faint. I smelled the very strong scent of smoke and blood. Assuming it was my fat-ass mom, woke up. I was never more wrong in my life. A short stout figure stood at the foot of my bed. It stared at me. It was comforting but there was something different. It was completely made out of smoke. It terribly smelled of nicotine, cigarettes more specifically. The figure reached out to me, holding my right shoulder. Before it could so anything else, I fanned the hand of smoke away. It spoke to me. "Heather. Don't leave the house. Don't go. Stay. with. Me.". It's voice was too familiar. It was my sisters. Not Anastasia's but Ashley's. It told me very slowly before turning into pure cigarette smoke. The screams and cries of Ashley came from the figure. Like she was calling to me from hell. The smoke filled my lungs, mouth, and eyes. I blacked out after that, waking up early this morning. The smokey taste was still in my mouth. __________________________ October 5th (2) 2012 Dear Diary, Jenelle never came back to school. Amber alerts have been sent. Ana's still free. I can feel it. I stayed home from school that day just to prep for the biggest decision of my life. I packed a backpack full of weapons like knives, and a mini scythe that was in my garage that my father used to use for farming out here, first aid like Ace-wraps, cotton balls, band aids, and large bandages, and necessities to survive like 15 bottles of water, and food like granola bars, cereal, and even candy. I'm ready. I'm bringing a camera too. If Ana's still out there I'm gonna prove it. Heads up, Ana. I'm coming you self-mutilation obsessed freak. If I die, or go missing. Mom, I'm with Ashley now. I'm okay. Signing out, goodbye. -Sincerely, Heather Walker After finding reading this letter, we hope you take this diary seriously and with respect. The search for Jenelle White and Anastasia Walker is still open. If any of these descriptions match a figure that you happen to spot in the area, please call the Kachina Village Town Headquarters, or even better 911. Shall we all pray for the friends and families of Anastasia and Heather Walker along with Jenelle White. Again, please report any suspicious behavior around you at school., in your home, or even on the streets. It could help save a life. The Heather Walker memorial will be held in Laguna Beach, California on April 15th 2013 where the family of Heather Walker will put her in a peaceful rest for good in the one place she loved. Jenelle White -18 years of age -5'5 -about 112 pounds -slim physique - was last seen wearing a Northern Arizona University sweatshirt, and ripped skinny jeans and boots. -long Brown hair -brown eyes ____________________ Anastasia(Ana) Walker -22 years of age -5'0-5'1 -Very short brown hair -green eyes -109 pounds -short stout pear body shape -sharp, irregularly sized and arranged teeth - possibly bloodstained/stitched mask. Black surgical mask with cartoon style toothy grin. -tan leather jacket, black pants, and boots. -can possibly have lethal weapon Please take these descriptions with caution. Beware out in these forests, if any other tragedies seem to take place then as the Kachina Village Home Owners Association, we will take immediate action. Remember, Curfew for children under 15 is 9:30pm. Stay safe everyone! -Johanna Danzo, Head Leader of The Kachina Village H.O.A

[courtneyalexandramulvay-blog]

13.10.17

Sitting at a café overheard a meeting where someone said “I feel like all current art is fake”

Received text message from my ex boyfriend today of a photo of a bunch of flowers he had arranged himself in a vase

Last time we spoke was him sending me a message that said “I guess I lost everything in the divorce huh”, with no reply back from me

What is this trend I have set where my ex-lovers send me photos of self-arranged bouquets?

I received another one about two weeks ago of some very tall kangaroo paws in a glass

I guess I taught them about formal flower arrangements without realising

I’ve always thought I’d make a wonderful florist anyway so that makes sense I guess

Uh oh. My cappuccino just hit me and now I feel insane

Eating a chermoula chicken salad with hummus AND feta the only thing that could take this to the next level for me is a lil bit of pesto, right

I want to go to the beach! I want to go to the beach! I want to go to the beach!

My favourite story about my friend Jemma is that once she was so hungover and playing Mario Kart and she started crying when they were in the water world because she wanted to go to the beach that badly

I feel like some people believe that hummus and feta can’t be friends and this salad proves all those people wrong

Just like people that think you can’t wear orange and pink together

You can

Level of cool I want to reach today: Rose McGowan

Text message I just received from my grandma: “Mum sent me your writings. It is brilliant and shocking didn’t know you had to put up with such things. It is beyond words. Love you see you soon Grandma”

Definitely the coolest/best/most inspiring message I’ve received yet in response to writing about Harvey Weinstein saga/bullshit

My grandma is the last person I would think to be addicted to the Bachelorette but I talked to her on the phone last night and she is 100% addicted to the Bachelorette but she knows its fucked up so that’s okay

Feel like I won’t know the true meaning of home until I go to Scotland with my grandma

Trying to think of interesting things to write about and thought “what are some fucked up things that happened in my childhood?”

Don’t know if am stable enough to unlock that vault today

Kinda scared of being stoned again after last night

Things I ate last night:

Two-three bowls of green chicken curry, delicious, cooked by me

~half an icecream cake from coles with marshmellows and freddos on top

~half a block of smartie chocolate

two (big) pieces of Turkish delight chocolate

A guy I had sex with when I was ~15 at a Halloween party in freo just walked past me, didn’t recognise me, probably because I wasn’t dressed as a zombie bride

Remember waking up after having sex with him at my dads house in my step sisters bed, don’t know how we got home or how he got there or why he wanted to be there, woke up with zombie makeup still on, still drunk, put on my step mums black maxi dress and walked him outside and watched him walk down the street, that would be the last time I would ever see him until right now, 7 years later, sitting at a weird café with my dog and my laptop

Would he have recognised me if I was dressed like a zombie bride?

Am going out to dinner tonight with a guy I used to sleep with that may or may not have undiagnosed schizophrenia

He has told me a lot of crazy things but maybe the craziest thing he’s ever told me if that once he felt like painting his whole bedroom (granny flat out the back of his parent’s house) red so he just did it he went and bought red paint and a paintbrush and he did it he didn’t buy a roller and do it properly he just had a big paintbrush so now his whole room is bright red and splotchy and there are large and random brushstrokes it looks like a 5-8 year old painted it, it’s not a very condusive environment to have sex in

The best thing about having sex with him was that we’re on the same anti-anxiety medication so when I would sleep over and forget my medication (I was usually/always drunk when I went there) I could just take his

One of my following boyfriends was also on the same medication but used to get narky when I asked to borrow (take) it

Its actually the same guy that sent me a photo of his sad bunch of flowers today

He used to take 10mg and I take 20mg so if I had to borrow his medication I had to take 2 tablets, which I think used to make him feel anxious

More anxious

But whatever I made him dinner every night for a year and a half and the only thing he (ever) cooked me was an okay lentil soup when I was sick once

It was actually pretty good lentil soup which just angered me more because he proved he obviously could cook he just chooses not to

Because he knows I will just do it

Even though he is unemployed and sits at home wanking or on instagram or wanking while on instagram (or whatever, I literally don’t know what he did during the day) while I worked ~13 hours at a very stressful job and then came home and then walked the dog and then went to the shops and bought ingredients for dinner then cooked dinner while he sat there, still on Instagram, still wanking

I won’t do that again

He also threw my entire CD collection away one day when I was at work because “I never listen to them anyway”

Food related tattoos I could get:

Hummus

Pesto

Quesadilla

Burrito

Tortilla

Spaghetti Bolognese

Dumplings

The boy I had sex with dressed as a zombie just walked into an op shop across the road, day dreaming about what would happen if I walked in and followed him around, not overtly but subtly

Pretending I was looking for a zombie costume

I should definitely get a tattoo of spaghetti Bolognese

Hate it when I think I’ve written a hilarious text message so I copy and paste it and send it to like 4 people and no one replies

Just ordered a second cappuccino so shit is about to get real

My phone is on 4% battery and I feel free

Feel so lucky I have so many cool girl friends all over the world in all different places all doing different dope stuff

When me and my sisters were little and we had to stay at my grandparent’s house (on my dad’s side) they would make us eat like 5 slices of butter on toast and drink milo in bed before we even got up and then for breakfast we would have to eat like a million hashbrowns and bacon and sausages and more butter on toast, what the fuck, who feeds children that

I guess they were brought up post-war when no one had anything, my grandpa (who wouldn’t let us call him grandpa, first names only) still ate lard on toast for a really long time

I wonder if he still does

He also didn’t let my grandma drive, ever, he told her she was too stupid to drive, he said it so many times that she convinced herself she was stupid, too stupid to do anything except cook and clean and definitely too stupid to stand up to him ever

Brainwashed

He also screamed at me any time I shut a car door that I was slamming it

My mum told me the other day that he had a serious problem with noise

That any type of noise really irritated him

And she always found that odd Also, whenever he would see an Asian person driving, he would get really aggressive and call them a “monkey”

He hated anyone that wasn’t white

He hated women

He hated gay people

No wonder my dad is so fucked up

Once when I was a kid I dreamt there was a terrorist attack at their house and there were bombs going off everywhere

I used to be terrified of natural disasters and would have recurring dreams about tsunamis and bushfires

The worst dream I ever had though was when I died from eating a poisonous ham sandwich from a man selling them out of a trolley in IGA

He wasn’t a part of IGA

He was his own separate business entirely

I don’t know if you would call it a business

It was pretty low key

[strangermarvelss]

broken- l.t | part 2 |

Pairing: Lance Tucker x Plus Size!Reader

Summary: Summary: You find out the truth behind your and Lance’s secret relationship.

Word Count: 1,083

Warnings: angst, lance not being a dick for once, swearing

A/N: I’m just gonna say, if the first part didn’t break your heart, this one should.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

“Hey babe, I’m home!” Lance shouted into the apartment as he closed the door behind him. He placed the bags of food he was carrying on the small table outside of the kitchen and went to the refrigerator.

“I got your favorite from that restaurant you said you really liked! I thought today could be a cheat day for me and we could have a nice night,” he continued to shout into the void. He grabbed a juice with a sigh, his muscles yelling at him to lie down and rest.

What Lance was keeping from you was that he had a bit of a rough day. Training was the hardest it’s been today of all days, making him tired and irritable. On top of that, he was stopped by an annoying paparazzi freak, which of whom he hated. He despised the paps, he just wanted to be left alone. But that’s what he gets for wanting to be a famous gymnast, right?

He was just ready to come home by the time he jumped in his car, but he thought he would surprise you with your favorite food and a relaxing night. All Lance wanted to do was curl up on the couch and enjoy some cuddles from his favorite girl in the world. Oh how you made this boy soft.

As Lance turned on his heel and went back to the kitchen table, he noticed the chairs that accompanied it empty. He frowned, setting his juice down and resting his hands on his hips.

“Babe?” He asked, looking around the apartment. It wasn’t like you to be home after Lance, so he was rather confused at that moment. His ears suddenly perked up at the sound of his name on the television.

Confusion was smeared over his face as he made his way into the living room. He saw the channel was fixed on TMZ, making him cringe internally at the memory of the reporter from earlier. The things he had said about you, he regretted instantly. He was just irritable from the hard training session. And it just came out, as if it were another person talking. The Lance he was before you.

And that’s when the footage began to play.

“Damnit!” Lance exclaimed, kicking the coffee table with heel of his foot. He ran his hands through his perfectly styled hair, causing the gel to make the style fall out. This was what he was wanting to prevent, because sometimes he knew he could keep his big mouth shut.

He turned and made his way up the stairs, begging and hoping to himself that you were in the bedroom resting or reading. Please be in there, please be in there.

He saw the door cracked open and his heart sunk. He rushed into the bedroom and saw the mess that was now his bedroom. The closet doors were flung open, as well as dresser drawers. He noticed your bag was missing from the closet, as well as most of your clothes.

A small sob escaped Lance’s mouth. He saw the shattered picture frame that had been thrown against the wall, the picture that once stood perfectly on your nightstand from the night of your six month anniversary. He picked up the frame and dozens of tiny shards of glass fell from the broken picture. He studied your face, looking at how happy it was, and he can only picture how sad it must look right now.

You saw the TMZ footage, that was the only thing running through his mind. You heard him say those horrible lies about you, thinking they were true, which only made Lance hurt more. But, no, he didn’t think those things about you. He thought the complete opposite. He just failed to express how much you meant to him at times.

Lance gripped the picture frame tight in his hand, trying to keep it together. He made his way out of the bedroom and slowly down the stairs, his demeanor completely morphed into one of sadness and melancholy. The thought of you crying and your sadness at the root of him made Lance’s tiny heart break even more. He loved you, you knew that…at least you used to know that. It’s what you thought at least. Now you had a different mindset.

He carelessly tossed the frame onto the counter, no longer caring if it broke apart. The impact of the toss caused a piece of paper to float off of the counter, cascading through the air and onto the floor. Lance looked at the paper for a moment before reaching for it and picking it up, scanning it to see what it had upon it. He noticed the tear stained droplets that were scattered along the paper, causing his heart to drop into his stomach. He noticed the words that were on the paper, and his breathe caught in his throat. No one else had such beautiful handwriting but you.

Lance,

Congratulations. You no longer have to be embarrassed of me, the human lard factory. You actually had me fooled into thinking you gave a shit about me. I’ll come back for the rest of my things at some point, but under no circumstances do I want to see or speak to you ever again after that.

And you want to know what the worst part about this whole thing? I’m still in love with you. And I fucking hate myself for doing so. I hate you for doing this to me.

-Y/N

The paper fell from Lance’s grasp as he read the last line, his own tears streaming down his face. You hated him, the love of his life hated him, all because he couldn’t keep his big mouth shut. He let the one good thing in his life slip out of his hands and he couldn’t do anything about it…all because you hated him.

Lance crumpled to the floor, wrapping his arms around his knees as violent sobs racked his body. He loved you. He was so hopelessly in love with you. You were perfect in his eyes, he just didn’t know how to express it into the right words, because you deserved the entire world and all of your beauty couldn’t be expressed into words. The way you make him feel can’t be put into words. You were the only person who was able to leave the Lance Tucker, utterly speechless.

And he had to go and fuck it up.

Broken taglist: @photograiphy-00 , @buckyslongasshair , @winters-beauty ,@a-world-with-pure-imagination , @learisa , @janeyboo

Permanent taglist: @amillionfandoms-onlyoneme , @multireality , @thefridgeismybestie , @httpmcrvel , @lanilovespsychos , @vesper-lou , @ssweet-empowerment , @jadalecki-jackles , @crazybubblegumgurl

#lance tucker #lance tucker angst #lance tucker xreader #Sebastian stan #Sebastian stan angst #Sebastian stan x reader #the bronze #fanfiction #lance the fucker tucker