#gaslightingisabuse

[etherealsign282]

Victim complexes from abusers are so weird.

They hate the term victim to begin with, and associate it automatically with negative connotations about how people only use the word to be manipulative and not take accountability. Ironically because they're projecting onto the fact that THEY would/already do use that word in that manner. While also trying to dismiss people who are victims to abuse at the same time by making it seem like real victims are just crazy or pitiful.

But they basically hate any time someone says they (the abuser) are acting like a victim unnecessarily, because they just have so many reasons/excuses for why they are the way they are. Which is... basically them victimizing themselves over having a victim complex. Oh no, your dog died when you were 10 and you've never been the same since? Sounds like you're being a victim to something that happened 15 years ago and has nothing to do with punching people in the face. Are you thinking about punching your dead dog while you abuse someone?

And they're allowed to hold everything over your head at all times. They're allowed to play the "it just upsets me when you do x thing uwu" to excuse abusing you. They're allowed to call themselves a piece of shit or garbage person or threaten to unalive themselves because life is so hard or being a respectful partner is so hard, etc etc.

But you cannot be upset or else you have a victim complex, not them. You cannot hold a grudge or feel resentful or else you're milking it. You cannot break up with them because they'll twist it to make you seem crazy and unreasonable and victimizing yourself.

Then the main problem they have in the relationship is that either:

That they're not allowed to just do whatever they want without consequences because it hurts their feelings and now they're a victim to "oppression" aka accountability.

Or the fact that they're mad that their hand isn't being held for everything. "Teach me morale, keep poking and pushing me even though I'll lash out, you're giving up on me by not teaching me common manners". Weaponizing incompetence (even though they're competent any other time), to be a victim to the idea of having any responsibility to take care of their own mess, because people don't want a grown toddler for a partner. Being a victim because people don't want to babysit an adult and make sure they're not out here rxping and abusing people,otherwise you're the shitty person.

They'll have a victim complex over everything, even you acknowledging you're a victim/survivor to abuse. "Omg you're milking it and trying to make me suffer by not letting it go!" Way to use my reaction to your abuse as fuel for your hurt/disturbed feelings. Nice way to continue milking the situation and keep looking like a victim even though you've "moved on and got better".

And OK but did YOU let go of anything in the relationship? Would you let this go if it were you dealing with this thing that's 10x worse than what you had to deal with when you were losing your shit over small things? The shit that were literally conjured in your head due to your own victimized brain seeing shit that wasn't there and abusing people as a way to lash out?

It's just weird the way they act. I hate it. They hate people who are actually victims to something fucked up because they have zero empathy for anybody outside of sympathizing with themself. But they'll be the first to tell you they're a victim to their own actions and constantly make it known and make you aware of it.

They're a victim to the world somehow not liking them.

They're a victim to abusing people til they leave.

They're a victim for trying everything they can to be miserable and reject happiness.

They're a victim to their own behavior and they'll constantly make that known.

They're a victim to being held accountable.

They're a victim to people not liking them due to their actions.

They're a victim to people not letting go of what they've done the way they want.

As if being a victim is supposed to just stop people from being upset with them because they want to look as pathetically inept as possible.

But God forbid you are a victim to them. God forbid you are aware of being an abuse survivor.

#emotional abuse #mental health #mental illness #trauma #true words #emo #toxic #mental abuse #self victimization #victimization #victim complex #victim #surviving abuse #abuse survivor #verbal abuse #gaslightingawareness #gaslightingisabuse

[lonelyheartsexpert]

your siblings will forever be the people who out of the 7,000,000,000 on earth will have the EXACT same situation as you. Same parents. Same family. Same education. For them to hurt you mentally or physically is scary because its almost like youre hurting yourself.

almost. 

#abusive #abusive family #abuse cw #mental abuse #toxic family #toxic household #toxic parents #toxic sister #toxic siblings #toxic brother #toxic #toxic environment #toxic energy #emotional abuse #emotional abandonment #abusive siblings #tw #physical abuse #child abuse #gaslightingisabuse

[furiouslyyours]

When the softboi no longer softbois the way he would softboi 🌝

#new memes #dank memes #memesdaily #tumblr memes #fresh memes #dankest memes #soft boi #fuckboi #toxic love #gaslightingisabuse

[mylovewithyourlove]

Damn my mom is toxic af

Hey folks 👋 So I’m finally realizing how bad my mom is. Disclaimer: I am super religious and super spiritual. So like, I get the whole “Honor thy parents”. Also I believe that anything thing that happens to me (good or bad) is my karma. In other words I respect my mom for being my mom and I also take responsibility for all the bad that comes my way.

But damn! That bitch is toxic. Like, I kind of accepted it before but it’s like… it never ends!!Every time I think I can reason with her she insults me or tries to demean me.

I think I need to accept that she’s not who I thought she was. Yes, she has good qualities, but the truth is: I can’t count on her to be kind. When I’m at my lowest, I can’t say with certainty that she won’t judge me and make me feel like shit. What’s that thing everyone’s saying nowadays? Safe space? Yeah, that bitch ain’t a safe space for me.

But like, I know it can’t make me bitter. Cuz I don’t want to become mean. But it’s hard… Some days her negativity doesn’t bother me. But other days, it really does. On those days, I try to take my time away… but then she judges me and invades my privacy. It’s fucking exhausting and scary.

For anyone realizing that their momma ain’t who they wanted her to be, I’m with you.

Like I said, I take responsibility for the pain I experience. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t have the right to vent how I feel.

💔

#toxic mom #narcisstic parents #narcissistic mother #cptsd #mental health #gaslightingisabuse #gaslighting

[thedivineprocess]

   ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆        ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

abuse is....

-acting overly irritated over your child’s behavior in front of them

-yelling at your kid when things can be solved in other ways

-calling your child “harmless” name, even if not a proper noun (e.g. you’re so ungrateful)

-pitting your own problems on your child

-acting out on your stress at your child

-being non accepting of your child/not letting them explore

-being a helicopter parent

you’re being abused if...

-they’ve ever made you feel suicidal because of something they said

-you are scared of them, even if not all of the time

-you are afraid to go to your parent about stuff, even medical stuff

-your parents have ever inspired you to self harm/starve, even if you didn’t act on it

-you get very upset over the stuff your parents say

it’s not just teenage hormones. it’s not just you being overdramatic. 

even if you aren’t experiencing textbook abuse, that doesn’t mean it’s not abuse.

   ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆        ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

#abuse #parental abuse #emotional abuse #abuse support #you are valid #CPTSD #PTSD #support #mental health #anorexia #bulimia #self harm #gaslighters #gaslighting #gaslight #gaslightingisabuse #green ribbon #; #validation #abuse is abuse #abuse is

[lessoneislessthannow]

#toxic #apologies #gaslightingisabuse #maturing #forgiveness #growth #growing up #adulting #past #emotional #i love you #freedom #best damn version of me #better days #proud #mental health #strong #change #dreams #righting #my wrongs #my bad i guess #not my fault #gaslight #gaslightingawareness #no blame #doing the best we can #help #growing pains

[katimorton]

Okay, it's time to talk about a popular word on the internet, Gaslighting. I hear a lot, they gaslit me, or they're a gaslighter, but have you ever thought about gaslighting yourself. In this video I'm talking you through the 10 signs you may be gaslighting yourself, and how to focus on positive self talk or supportive self talk instead. What we do know is negative self talk or gaslighting ourselves is not helpful. Have any other signs that I missed? Leave them in the comments. 

#narcissim #narcissticabuseawareness #gaslightingisabuse #gaslighting #emotional abuse #psycholonials #mental health #kati morton

[fuckshitkiss]

Jesus fucking Christ I hate when ppl vent to me about “us”

espc. after I’m done w the bs and yrs of tolerating it. im actually fucking done??

#emotional abuse #abuse #gaslightingisabuse #four fucking years #i cant anymore #its not how it used to be #stfu #You were never there for me #repressed trauama #life was fucking hell #reason 4 im mentally ducked #self harm free for two months!! #i cant keep this up #i can’t even #what makes you think im gonna feel bad #after all that #no apology? #not everything is a joke #this is why I have trust issues #this is why i need therapy #this is why I can’t even love myself #this is why my identity is so fucking fragmented #this is why my friends left me #vent #if they see this. fuck off. you’re never gonna reach me again. #all that but there’s always another ‘relapse’ where some1 goes back and it’s all horseshit #man.. #can’t believe it. #i know im saying a lot but talk to me in 3 years #at this point I can’t tell what’s a lie and what isn’t anymore

[etherealsign282]

The biggest difference between grey rocking and stonewalling that I've found is really just the way they want the other person to react.

Grey rocking is when you feel like you have to shut down and stay silent to keep the peace. Seeking calmness and unity at your own expense.

Stonewalling is when you feel like you have to stay silent to punish/teach someone a lesson, and/or hoping to get conflict out of it. Chaos and anxiety and nervousness.

My ex abuser would def push that grey rocking button so hard if they knew it existed because they love that victim complex. But the thing is, they did it to punish.

Generally how I can tell the difference:

With grey rocking, it's mostly done if someone is prone to blowing things out of proportion, acting with hostility or aggressiveness, physical/emotional threats, and generally being dramatic. There usually doesn't have to be any actual conflict for someone to grey rock in order to avoid stepping on toes. Grey rocking does not stop the victim from apologizing if it's demanded of them (unlike stonewalling where they refuse to even acknowledge you, let alone admit to wrongdoing), it can just stop the escalation process by resorting to a calm, robotic, passive state, by minimizing their words, by keeping things short and sweet, by avoiding any type of disagreeing reaction, sometimes by avoiding eye contact. An agreeable and moldable state.

With stonewalling, it happens usually specifically after they're mad at you, or when they want to pretend to act mad to test you. They are not prone to meek passiveness/submissiveness through quietness outside of this and do not show any signs of actual passiveness while stonewalling. They will glare, eyeroll, mock, dismiss, sigh, scowl, and at the very least , ignore you even while you beg for a response, and purposely cause negative emotions, as a way to show dominance.

One is a trauma response to satisfy and people please, the other is specifically to upset the other person. Sure it might not work the way it's supposed to, but it's also a heavy indicator if the person who's being quiet is disappointed or happy in the lack of reaction or disappointed/happy in the way that it escalates the anger.

Obviously there's more nuances and indicators but that's the general idea of how I could tell the difference. So if you see posts about how stonewalling is abusive (bc it is) and you see a sign that people who grey rock do, or you do it, just understand it depends entirely on how you're doing it.

Are you doing it for a negative reaction like anxiety and worry and forcing them to drop everything to seek an answer to punish them or because you're mad and feel they don't deserve an answer, or are you doing it for a positive reaction like satisfaction, passiveness, calmness, etc so they hopefully have nothing to twist your words and harm you?

#mental health #emotional abuse #mental illness #trauma #stonewall #gaslightingisabuse #manipulative #manipulation #grey rock #trauma response #stonewalling #people pleasing #anxiety #instilling fear #nervous #punishment #mental abuse #abuse #abuse mention #abuse survivor #scared

[mindsetobservances]

I haven’t been posting online because honestly things have been going well for me. And I’m immensely grateful for that. But the past few days have been absolutely absurd.

Last month my mother booked plane tickets for me and my husband to come visit her and my brother to celebrate the holidays. The night before our flight departed I received a text that we had been delayed. I called her to let her know what was going on and to update her of our itinerary. In this conversation she discovered that my husband and I were not traveling with checked bags. (For context, she lives in a ski town) she had previously thought we were bringing our ski equipment, but my husband and I decided against it because it would have been an inconvenience for us, we were only going to be in town for a few days and hauling our gear didn’t seem worth it. After finding out we didn’t have our ski gear she began yelling at me over the phone. Just blowing up about how stupid we must be and why would she fly us out if we weren’t planning on skiing. (My husband and I care about just spending time around my family regardless if on snow or not).

I communicated with her that I did not want to be yelled at, patronized, talked down to etc. She continued to grow more agitated and lashing out saying some pretty terrible things. Becoming so nasty i feel comfortable calling it verbal and emotional abuse. She’s projecting onto me, thinking she can do no wrong and I’m the cause of all this. All I want to communicate is I don’t want to be treated poorly (and I admit I fired my own shots) she cannot comprehend my perspective, she feels I have disrespected and betrayed her bc I didn’t bring my skis. It’s so silly to me. I try and tell her how I’m feeling and share my position, she tries to turn me against my husband, she tells me I don’t know what I’m feeling, she gaslights me, she attempts to manipulate me, etc. It’s terrible, It’s been going on for hours, I’m in tears by the time my husband and I actually arrive at our destination. Not to mention we also had a layover and had to take a bus bc she abandoned us at the airport.

This morning she comes over to the family condo unannounced and I’m like I can’t just act like everything is fine. You’ve been so terrible to me and I don’t deserve that. I tell her everything again, I read out oud the messages she’s sent over the past 24 hours. She’s unable to take responsibility. She cant barely give a genuine apology. And I’m the one she blames, I am so hurt, so heartbroken. I see her now, perhaps I have been dealing with this for longer than I remember, it’s unfair, I’m angry. She genuinely believes that I’m at fault. That’s I’m selfish, that I aim to hurt her. All because I prefer to travel light. That I don’t care where we are but I just care about being with my family. And I’ve tried to communicate this, but she has put her pride above her family. She has prioritized feeling angry about over our decision instead of being grateful we’re just here.

I’m terribly sorry, I am sick. Unfortunately my brother has been dealing with this for a few years, we are with him now. I wanted a nice vacation, and instead I’m turned into a monster bc I didn’t want to inconvenience myself. She could have communicated that we should bring our skis. And things would have been different

I believe she is emotionally immature. If you have read to the bottom I thank you. I feel I can no longer continue, but I may rant more later. If you are able to offer any support or advice I would appreciate it. We’ll see how things continue to develop over the weekend…

#parental abuse #emotionally immature parents #immature parents #depression #mental health #anxitey #emotional abuse #psychological abuse #psychological health #psychological warfare #psychological trauma #psychological stress #projecting #gaslightingawareness #female manipulator #manipulation #gaslightingisabuse #gaslighting #is this gaslighting?

[furiouslyyours]

#tumblr memes #fresh memes #dank memes #memesdaily #new memes #gaslighters #gaslight gatekeep girlboss #gaslightingisabuse #toxic love #fuckboi #soft boi

[quantumkitten93]

Had to take my (prescribed) xanax today because holy shit my mom pulled some actual psycho shit yesterday & I’m so done with her abuse but damn it hurts like a bitch 😰💔 at least im just chill af now tho ??

#trauma #ptsd #mental health #gaslightingisabuse #gaslighting #xanax #anxiety problems #life with bpd #did system #abusive parents #narc mom #mommy issues

[the-wig-and-jewelry-channel]

#gaslightingawareness #gaslighting #gaslightingisabuse #gaslight #peace #peaceofmind #peaceful #peacewithin https://www.instagram.com/p/Ci-swXLpAhW/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#gaslightingawareness #gaslighting #gaslightingisabuse #gaslight #peace #peaceofmind #peaceful #peacewithin

[new-chains-same-shackles]

Broke up with him after a bit over seven years. I just can't go back to how it used to be for us, I refuse.

Unfortunately my disgusting, sub-human mind less civilized than that of others seems to have either reverted or never changed. Unbeknownst to me until recently I had somehow developed feelings for, of all people, a motherfucking drug dealer. Is it possible for one to control their infatuation or is the only remedy to ignore it and see if it goes away? I feel so terrible. 7 years, since 17 (💔) and 21 (🖤) but somehow I'm still so disgusting that it hit hard, invaded so efficiently as to gain quick access to the point of causing me romantic feeling and not just the shallow, surface sexual attraction that often means much less than romance and is literally only skin deep.

Is this a reflection of myself? A reflection of🖤 that I'm blind to or refuse to accept/admit is real?

In a way, I feel free. I feel like I've had my head fucked up by him for so long but I'm not sure any more, and only have his word to go off (if true then I have always been right being the issue for every problem, for every person). I don't even know what's real/true anymore, not even about myself. I never know what anyone is saying as I'm unsure if I should trust. Are they lying intentionally? Are they speaking untruths out of ignorant belief of incorrect things? What do they want? What will they take? When will they force me to comply with whatever is demanded, sexual or not? I'm convinced everyone only wants that from me, even 🖤, because of experiences in this life and things I've been told by 🖤 and others. I'm afraid of everyone now. I rarely leave the house.

Convincing myself that I am those things truly, that 🖤 really is the only one who could ever tolerate me for a whole day so I should be thankful he's dealer with me for as long as he has. There's no way 🤍 is really flirting... Probably does with everyone, bc after all, why not use the appeals 🤍 seems very aware of to his advantage? And if that doesn't work there's the, uhm... "profession" to use for his advantage as no convincing is necessary when a gross thot offers things when she's broke (not referring to myself as I actually have value and dignity). 🤍 must only be testinf if he can get me easily for a moment to then throw me out like the trash I clearly am, because why would anyone ever WANT to keep ME around? Why would anyone ever enjoy my company casually despite never putting out for them? How would anyone find such a type of interest in me? Why do I feel so quick to trust 🤍 with the things I've shared when I felt I would somehow be punished if I told 🖤, with consequences typically being anger, aggression, distain, mocking, intentionally doing or saying things to hurt me.

🤍 thinks I should be nicer to myself because "your family loves you" and wonders who puts such thoughts into my head, though I'm sure he could easily assume correctly if he hasn't already.

A fucking drug dealer... Being nicer and caring more than the person I gave everything for. Maybe even gave too much... I slowly became isolated, I have no friends, my social skills have deteriorated so much, I get so happy to socialize in person with others that I can never shut up... 🤍 asked why I stay and said he can't think of a realistic future anyone could have in such a relationship. Not just future with 🖤 but a future in general. And I agree. I've been preparing, honestly, for a while now, and feel as if I'm already in constant mourning while walking around like a ghost that is sometimes felt but never seen. For the longest time now, even before 🖤, I hardly saw a future but I was sure there was one there even if I couldn't see it or didn't know what it was. By now, I don't even have that. Not only do I know there's nothing but I am so close that it's as if a new Death is breathing down my neck. Not my usual one I've made friends with, but a new, unfamiliar one. One that doesn't care to consider when I feel ready or wanting.

I don't want to speak badly of him or make 🖤 in a negative light but I am desperate to speak honestly and feel as if it could be seen by at least one other "essence" of a human, even if, even though, it most likely wont. That's okay though, this isn't for anyone else.

I want to feel human.

I know I'm still alive.

This feeling, long missed, reminds me I must be living if the butterflies inside of me live as well.

Fuck.

#mentally fucked #mental heath support #mental illness #mental disorder #used and abused #drug abuse #abuse mention #relationship #gaslit #gaslightingisabuse #is this gaslighting? #drugs tw #drugs cw #cw #tw #mental abuse #mental issues #im just crazy #breakup #disorder #diseases and disorders #i need help #im dramatic

[kratomkittycat]

Journal entry, 9/13/2022

On Saturday, I reached 3 weeks clean from kratom extract. As I had been posting recently, things had been going relatively well. I was excited about my new job and started developing new, sober hobbies. But unfortunately, a devastating event that crushed my faith in humanity more than ever before (which I didn’t even think was possible) made things go downhill.

On Friday night, I went to a football game with Brendan. I decided at the time to give him another chance, because he asked me to go with him. While I was at the football game, I checked my emails and saw that the new doctor I was talking about before had written her report about me.

So I opened it. It was 14 pages long. I didn’t read the whole thing, but what I did read were quotes by my therapist and the doctor. They talked about how they believe that the way I feel about my parents is “delusional,” and not a result of me being brutally abused and tormented. They manipulated my reactions to being harmed and made them look like “symptoms” and said that my “symptoms” are what’s straining my relationships (including family).

I wish I had one person who didn’t have such an intense, powerful hatred towards me. Because you have to really hate someone to think think that this type of response to such torture inflicted on you is “delusional.” It’s like saying that being affected by rape and thinking that it’s not love is “delusional.”

The doctor will be sending the report to my parents. I am terrified.

On Friday, when I read this and felt all the feelings that came with reading this, the thought of taking kratom extract was quick to cross my mind. I knew it was a really bad idea, but I also knew that what I was going through was extreme. But when I got home, I just took some sleep medication, went to sleep, and made it through the night.

On Saturday morning, I woke up and felt absolutely defeated. That evening, I took kratom extract. I took about a third of an MIT 45 shot (which is the recommended dose). I felt really good for a short time after taking it, but then felt sad about the whole situation again.

So when it wore off, I drank one of those smaller Red Dawn shots I got while on vacation. It didn’t do anything.

On Sunday, I went to a virtual autism group and talked to the people there about the whole disaster that unfolded. They were actually supportive. They told me that I should not see my therapist for any longer, and get a new one.

I decided that what happened on Saturday was just a slip up and that I will get right back on track with my sobriety. I told my self that I will double down on my hobbies and rewards I was giving myself for staying sober.

But yesterday evening, out of the blue, I started having an intense craving for the way the extract makes me feel. Nothing bad happened yesterday, I felt fine, but the craving was just indescribable. It was strong and just driving me crazy. I have not felt this way since around the time I stopped using. So I gave in and took 2 MIT Go Black Extra Strength packets.

Now it is Tuesday morning. I don’t know how I’m going to move forward.

#love #actually autistic #autistic experiences #trauma #traumatic events #women can be abusers too #fuck ableists #ableist people #ableist nonsense #drug relapse #i just relapsed #autistic community #autistic adult #gaslightingawareness #medical gaslighting #gaslightingisabuse #medical trauma #kratom extract #kratom #drug test

[indigochild1958]

#organizedstalking #gangstalking #gaslighting #gaslightingisabuse #abusesurvivor #conspiracytheories #mkultra #mindcontrol #blacksheep #targetedindividuals #hope #survivor #survivor #accomplice #victimofabuse #conspiracy #projectmonarch https://www.instagram.com/p/CgX986CuW2a/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#organizedstalking #gangstalking #gaslighting #gaslightingisabuse #abusesurvivor #conspiracytheories #mkultra #mindcontrol #blacksheep #targetedindividuals #hope #survivor #accomplice #victimofabuse #conspiracy #projectmonarch