Goofy and erratic villian with an exasperated and somewhat uptight hero who has a crush on the villain? Maybe the villain says something vaguely flirty on accident and the hero has to pretend they don’t like it (and fails miserably)
“Come on.” The villain grabbed the hero’s hands and pulled them towards the dance floor. Eyes glinting, excitement filled up the villain. “Fight me.”
Utterly unimpressed, the hero just rolled their eyes.
“No interest.”
“That’s not very diplomatic of you. Refusing the enemy’s suggestion to resolve our issues? Come on, it’ll be fun. Just a little bit of combat.” They pulled the hero close, grip tight around them as they led the hero through the song. “Or are you scared?”
“We’re calling combat ‘resolving issues’ now?” Their eyes went through the crowd, concentrating. Professional. Obviously, the hero didn’t have time for their nemesis but the villain didn’t care.
At this point, they took whatever fell into their hands. The hero was a master at hiding, at avoiding people and the villain was not going to let them slip through their fingers that easily.
“It’s like couples therapy for crazy people, don’t you think?” the villain asked. They tried to redirect the hero every time they spotted the supervillain among the many millionaires.
Admittedly, the villain had been on their hands and knees when they’d discovered that the hero was going to be here. They’d begged the supervillain to take them with them and thank god, the villain had been assigned to distract the hero.
It was their favourite activity.
“I can’t argue with that, I suppose.” The hero shrugged. “I am not interested in making a scene, though.”
“But it’s so much fun...” Again, the villain pulled them closer, staring through half-lidded eyes at that heroic face.
One time, the hero’s hard shell had cracked in front of the villain. Ever since, the villain tried to crack it again, not because they wanted to torment the hero but because they needed the hero to know that being imperfect and vulnerable was normal.
The hero forgot that they were human sometimes.
“You’re aware that I am going to crush you like a beetle, right?”
And the villain had seen other people lose their mind to that.
“Oh, I’d love that, baby,” the villain answered. The hero’s face remained emotionless.
“If you think that you can distract me with your cheap tricks, then you’re blithely unaware of the fact that I am the best in this business.”
The hero tried to get out of the villain’s grip but the villain knew the supervillain wasn’t done with their investigation yet. So, the villain had to get creative.
“I know you’re the best, that’s why I want to fight you again. Gives me a kick.” The villain brushed the hero’s ear with their lips. “It feels good.”
“Ugh, you’re annoying.” The hero grabbed the villain’s jaw and turned their head away from them. The villain had to giggle at that.
However. The villain also caught a glimpse of their red ears.
The hero was embarrassed.
“Come on, grumpy…you love me.” They couldn’t help but smirk. Annoying the hero was a hobby the villain would never be able to let go of. Sometimes, they committed a crime just for the hero to show up.
“I’m wasting my time with you.”
Unfortunately, the villain spotted their superior. Giving them a sign to go back to the lair.
“You mean you’re having fun,” they mumbled.
The hero was quiet and looked (as usual) quite dissatisfied as they let the villain guide them. They didn’t seem to be passionate about dancing at all. They didn’t seem to loathe it, either.
“Let me invite you on a date, then. You. Me. Tomorrow. Bring your best weapon,” the villain said. They squeezed the hero’s hip, making the other’s eyes widen and somehow, the hero seemed much more human with their red face and their avoidant gaze.
Almost as if they did like the villain after all.
The villain could live with that, though.
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[Transcript under the cut]
Ernest: okay, so, let's start from a couple months back.
Carmen: i'm listening
Ernest: I showed Mortimer my old novels, telling him i'd like to publish them. He then tells me they aren't scary at all and that i should ''stick to my little watercolors'' and i'm tired of watercolors
Ernest: so! after my dreams were partially crushed i spent some weeks pacing around and then i remembered: Forgotten Hollow! my mom told me about it!
Carmen: oh yeah, it's ironic how easy it is to forget about that place.
Ernest: WELL, it's binded so it fades away from your memory, turns out.
Carmen: where did you get that from?
Ernest: that's a good question to introduce you to my friend
Ernest: one night i travelled to The Hollow, and after knocking on every door available, i arrived to his Manor.
Ernest: this is Count Vladislaus Straud IV, he's a hundreds of years old vampire.
I call him Vlad.
Carmen: so… you just entered into this man's place.
Ernest: i was desperate.
Ernest: but! don't get me wrong, i didn't want his story. I wanted proof.
Ernest: the hero in one of my novels was a young, recently turned vamp. his villian was a human.
Ernest: so i want to prove vampires can be good, and that horror stories don't have to be antagonized by a monster to be scary
Carmen: i think i get what you mean.
Carmen: so is Vlad any good, then?
Ernest: well he told me a lot about his life. he's truly seen it all
Ernest: i plan to show this to Mortimer so he can take me seriously AND bite his own tongue off!
Carmen: and you're sure this is the right guy to prove your point.
Ernest: yyyyyes?
Carmen: sigh you did not become friends with the demon, right?
Carmen: …Ernest?
Ernest: look, he might be a complete creature but-
Carmen: i guess this was just a matter of time. let's just hope this works for you so you stop putting yourself in danger. as always.
Ernest: as always?
Carmen: oh yeah-
Ernest: huh
Carmen: I'm pregnant
Ernest: huh. wait. WHAT???
Ernest: CARMEN OH MY GOD!! how far along are you!
Carmen: four months!
Ernest: four months?!
Carmen: yeah! he was hiding in there.
Ernest: but- i thought you didn't want more kids…
Carmen: with Jacques, at least. But… Ernest, i can't put into words how happy i am
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Practical to the end,
it is the poem
of his existence
that triumphed
finally;
a wisp of feathers
flattened to the pavement,
wings spread symmetrically
as if in flight,
the head gone,
the black escutcheon of the breast
undecipherable,
an effigy of a sparrow,
a dried wafer only,
left to say
and it says it
without offense,
beautifully;
This was I,
a sparrow.
I did my best;
farewell.
William Carlos Williams, excerpt of "The Sparrow," from Selected Poems
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