#but the characters in the hobbit were so great

[shirefantasies]

First off, congratulations on 300 followers 🎉 I’m a big fan of your work! I was wondering if you could write about the different elf characters and how they would react to realizing they have feelings for a hobbit! reader?

Thank you & my apologies for the late response on this one 😅 but this is a fun one so let's see!

The Elves Realizing Their Feelings for Hobbit!Reader

Thranduil

Denial penetrates every corner of the woodland king's mind- such a humble creature, known not in the slightest for their ways of allure, and yet you permeate his thoughts so! Surely it was your reaction to the sight of him, the simplicity of your manner that was ever so refreshing. Thranduil knows little more than reverence to a fault, cowing and great shows and yet…you see him. You treat him as anyone else. No fanfare, but no expectations either. No doubts. Thus he works to doubt you less, to make less assumptions about your ability and even jokes about your stature. He finds as you talk that you share a love of nature, all your reverence dedicated almost solely to the earth’s growing things, the way roots seek what they need. Thranduil does the same, you point out, and ever does he endure in his place of nourishment, but sometimes any plant needs a good repotting. Astute, very astute, and yet your words strike his heart like an arrow. You, he wishes to say, are his repotting. But perhaps he should put that more romantically… all the greatest shows of elvenkind for a mere hobbit. Who would have thought? Thranduil reflects with a fond, amazed smile.

Feren

From the moment he grabbed hold of you, knife pressed to the back of your neck, Feren puzzled at the way his heartbeat sped, not yours. You were no threat to him, you were nothing in fact save an intruder in his lord Thranduil's realm, one of many his patrol took into custody. You were the smallest, he noticed, and certainly the least deadly if the startled, pleading look in your eyes was anything to go off of. Why did you keep... No, he could hardly relent, not when he had orders to- "You are afraid?" He found himself whispering to you, hiding his gaze upon you by hovering it over you and the other hobbit. You nod and he begins to whisper words of comfort to you, explaining that while stubborn, his king was nothing if not benevolent and would likely simply detain you. No harm would come your way. When indeed Thranduil sentenced your odd company to imprisonment, he found himself strolling to your cell time and time again, offering you food and drink and answering your rapid fire of questions ranging from what would happen to you to soon what customs were practiced in the Woodland Realm. "I think this place is beautiful," you told him, "I think if I were to rot anywhere, I am glad that it is to be here." "I think so, too," Feren agreed, and why he spoke the next part he still did not know, "And I do not think that shall be your fate." It was not until he walked away from you, considering what things he might bring to show you, that he realized how attracted to you he truly had become.

Legolas

Finds himself studying you, gaze unable to fall from you for too long, searching your every movement. Suddenly his interest in hobbits has increased tenfold; in fact, Legolas begins speaking more to Frodo and Sam about their customs, favorite things back in the Shire. His heart swells further for it just as you, taking in with bright eyes every spray of harebell and piping hot cup of lavender tea with scones and little gift of courtship presented to the hobbit of one's dreams. Pastoral, joyful, many delights absent from the prince's own upbringing- what a breath of fresh air you are! But what does he say to you? If possible, the elven prince finds himself even quieter than normal, simply captivated by your every motion. As a result he leans upon conveyance through action, rushing to your defense in battle and being there to catch you when you fall, enjoying in the briefest moments the feeling of his hands about your waist.

Haldir

Years have worn him. Battles have hardened him. Customs have dictated he be free of emotion as much as possible, or else suppress display of them for decorum. You, by contrast, are so innocent, almost painfully so and every sight of your wide, shining eyes has Haldir swearing to protect you. The world cannot take away your wonder, your sweetness, the good you see in all people. Oh, he cannot even wish immortal life upon you for all its horrors, and does he even wish it for himself? The small being remaining within him cries out for your life, to be swept off to your Shire and work hard at cultivating joy above all else. While that future may not lie ahead of him, he seeks it in every question he asks, every story he requests. Often does he marvel at your hidden strengths and wonders, especially in such a deceptively small package.

Galadriel

Oh, the way you charm and flatter her! Someone so small yet without any fear in the world as you spill the sweetest words before her. Galadriel cannot help smiling, especially when you gently take her hand and she sees just how small yours looks in hers. She begins to dream of ways she could hold you, how she can reach down to cup your cheeks… And then without warning she is lost in reverie. Her space is yours and you all but have free rein of her home. All from these unexpected, wildly blossoming feelings. Secretly she wishes you would still seek her out, but Galadriel knows above all that that choice is yours. She will simply have to wait and see and hope each dream she shares of simple joys like a riverside walk or even drawing closer to you in greater, deeper ways from the recesses of her mind, are shared by you…

Lindir

These unfamiliar sensations he experiences in your presence can only be one thing. The desire to run his fingers through your curls, surely soft as they appear. The way you have become his muse, inspiring more than a single song. You have a greater appreciation for arts than Lindir must admit he would have expected of the Shire-folk, and your wonder has him wishing to experience it all again for the first time. Is he to speak these things aloud? Does he dare? Whatever might Lord Elrond think if his servant were to do such a thing? Not, of course, that he has not wished Lindir great happiness. Happiness. Your smile, so genuine, sincere as your bright words. Yes, you are happiness, and such cannot go unspoken, or perhaps unsung…

Elrond

Many words have been spoken of the quiet strength of hobbits, quite a few of them by the Lord of Imladris himself. You are no exception to this, appearing before him as a little blaze of fire unafraid to make demands at council. He cannot even fight, just chuckle and hear your terms, and he wonders if you take notice of the way the others look at his soft response. Why, he wonders, is he being so giving- simple appreciation for the pastoral little folk and all they symbolize for the joy and hope of the world? Perhaps, but a part of him is forced to admit… He is attracted to you. Much time has passed since Elrond has been met with such a force, and quite simply put it stirs something in him. Much as he has endured in this world, your desire to fight for every joy you've ever known rings true to Elrond's own creation of a house of comfort...in your own special way. He cannot help but smile as he listens to you.

Arwen

Developing a little habit for teasing you, Arwen always manages to slink behind you and offer to help you reach something off a high shelf, voice low and lips curved upward. She is older than her visage suggests, wiser, thus you are not the first hobbit to cross her path and she looks upon you with no great shock. She does, however, seek to show a greater level of respect than the so-called 'little folk' tend to be shown. During discussions with her father and the other elves, Arwen smiles and waves you forward, especially if you happen to be shy, then her affection only grows, a hand falling over your shoulder and her smile widening. The more time you spend together, the more this happens, Arwen taking your hand to wish you well, sliding a hand over your waist to move past you, even playfully nudging you when you run together and always keeping pace with you. She is comfortable with you, she realizes, happiest at your side, and that is when it sinks in: she loves you.

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#lord of the rings #the hobbit #lotr x reader #the hobbit x reader #lotr imagines #the hobbit imagines #thranduil #feren #legolas #haldir #galadriel #lindir #elrond #arwen #hobbit reader #ask #anon #requested

[ithrilyann]

Peter Jackson on casting Frodo

“Frodo was a very, very important character in the movies. But he’s also a very difficult character to play and to cast. […] We were convinced that Frodo is gonna be an English actor, ’cause we wanted the Hobbits to basically be English as Tolkien really wrote them. So, we went to London and we started auditioning.

We couldn’t think of any actor to play Frodo. We had nobody in mind. We thought it would be unknown English actor, a young kid. We were in London auditioning for about a month and we’ve probably seen three hundred Frodos. There were two or three that were okay, but nothing magical, you know. ’Cause Frodo had to be magical. Every time the casting room door opened and some nervous young actor would come in, we were saying, ‘is this gonna be Frodo?’ And you sort of know within ten seconds that it wasn’t really Frodo. It was a worry, but we were plugging on.

And then our casting director said to us one day, ‘A package’s just come in the mail. It’s from Elijah Wood’. It was a video tape, a VHS tape. I had heard Elijah’s name, but I’ve never seen a film he’d done. I actually had no face for Elijah, I didn’t know how he looked like.

So, we put the video tape in. Elijah was in LA and heard that we were in London and we’re not gonna come to LA. He really wanted to get this role. So, he hired a dialect coach to teach him accent, he’d gone to the local costume-hire, got some cheesy kind of Hobbit costume on. He’d gone into the trees somewhere behind his house with a friend, and he just videotaped his own audition. He didn’t have our script, so he was reading from the book, he was doing Frodo parts from the book.

I just put this video tape in, and literally, not having known who Elijah Wood was really, I just thought, ‘he’s wonderful, he’s absolutely great’. And so, Elijah cast himself”.

(x)

#the lord of the rings #lotr #frodo #peter jackson #elijah wood #quote #interview

[overthinkinglotr]

One thing I feel people miss about lord of the rings is that it’s sort of..........post-apocalyptic?

Like-- the world already ended, a long time ago, and the characters are surrounded by the ruins of dead countries. They spend most of their time journeying through places that are either abandoned (Moria) soon to be abandoned (Rivendell/Lorien) or half-destroyed and falling into decay (Rohan/Gondor.) The villains are creatures that Used to be Human; I feel like Lotr’s orcs/ringwraiths have more in common with zombies than they do with DnD-style orcs, because they’re a state that “normal” people enter when they’re corrupted by a supernatural force.

Even the Shire is surrounded by ruins-- the ruins of watchtowers, the ruins of the old Northern Kingdom, the ruined city near the Grey Havens. The people around there have an idiom “when the king comes back” that means the same thing as an idiom like “when pigs fly”--  “when a completely ridiculous improbable thing happens.” They’re so used to the disintegrated state of the world that the idea of a central government is fairy-tale-like and bizarre. They have their little mayors and thains; they don’t need anything else.

So yeah! I see people try to “modern-real-world- au” versions of Hobbiton by making it “a peaceful suburb” but to me, a modern au version of Hobbiton would be more like.......

You are a hobbit.

You don’t know much history, but you understand that there were Wars a long time ago that destroyed a great amount of life on earth.

You live in a little hole in the ground. You don’t know that long ago these holes used to be called “bunkers;” you decorate them with flowers.

When you want to say that something won’t happen, you’ll sarcastically say things “lol yeah SURE that will happen! And tomorrow pigs will fly, Parliament will come back into session, there will be a president in the White House, there will be a prime minister making speeches, and diplomats will intercede between all of them! ha! XD”

If you journey even a little outside of your home, you’ll find the ruins of old cities and skyscrapers. There are messages in the ruins that are written in languages you don’t speak. Human beings used to live here; they don’t anymore.

And you’re not supposed to leave the Shire because sometimes you’ll meet the things that used to be human, but aren’t anymore.

#lotr #overthinkinglotr #lord of the rings #anyway the setting is such an important part of the story ;-;

[knightotoc]

I always liked the riddle scene in the Hobbit, but I never knew what it really meant until I read the original just now. The main idea is lost in adaptations because you need to get into their heads. I knew it was a high-stakes version of a kids' game and a mythology/fairytale reference, but it still seemed pretty random and hard to believe, since these two are the last characters you'd put in a battle of wits.

But the scene is actually about how people's environments shape the way they think. Bilbo and Gollum are both so flustered that they can only think of what are, to them, very easy riddles. They keep feeling ashamed that they can't think of something harder, and confident that the other guy will get this immediately. But the other guy is stumped, because his mind works differently, because he lives in the opposite environment.

Solving the riddles isn't actually about being smart, but being empathetic in Bilbo's case and nostalgic in Gollum's. Bilbo is only able to comprehend Gollum's nasty way of thinking because they are in his lair, amongst the dark and fish. Bilbo is repulsed and even unable to guess Gollum's final riddle, only winning by luck (he stutters "I need more time" so badly it sounds like the correct answer, "time").

Gollum is only able to imagine Bilbo's pleasant answers by thinking back to his past, when he was a normal guy who lived with his grandmother near flowers, eggs, and cats. In this book, he isn't confirmed to be a former hobbit, but the parallel becomes more tragic with this retroactive backstory. Gollum indirectly tells Bilbo that time is the only thing that separates them, and Bilbo does not understand this. If Bilbo had the "more time" he requests, hundreds of years here in the dark, he would become like Gollum, wisdom at a terrible price.

The main theme of The Silmarillion is how immortality affects people. Elves are fated to live forever in the undying lands of Valinor. Humans instead have the "Gift of Ilúvatar," the great mystery of an unknown afterlife. Elves are counterintuitively jealous of this gift, since death allows humans to escape the music of Arda, the fate which defines all creation.

Bilbo and Gollum, who were so different in life that they could barely follow each other's thoughts, also end up with the opposite deaths. The elves take Bilbo to Valinor, while Gollum goes to the mysterious afterlife of the other unchosen mortals. (At least two elves, Lúthien and Arwen, chose this fate for themselves out of love for a guy. But generally this is the unchosen/fate defying route for souls to go.)

So during their first meeting, Gollum is the one who understands the destructive power of time. But in the long term, Bilbo will come to understand time as an endless font of wisdom and peace, since nothing can be destroyed in Valinor. We don't know how or even if the mortal afterlife experiences time; if Gollum's pessimistic definition would hold true, or if that, too, would eventually change.

#the hobbit #gollum #bilbo #lord of the rings #the silmarillion #tolkien

[mistergandalf]

ULTIMATE TOLKIEN BLORBO: FINAL ROUND

“Still, I wonder if we shall ever be put into songs or tales. We're in one, of course, but I mean: put into words, you know, told by the fireside, or read out of a great big book with red and black letters, years and years afterwards. And people will say: "Let's hear about Frodo and the Ring!" And they will say: "Yes, that's one of my favourite stories. Frodo was very brave, wasn't he, dad?" "Yes, my boy, the famousest of the hobbits, and that's saying a lot."

'It's saying a lot too much,' said Frodo, and he laughed, a long clear laugh from his heart. Such a sound had not been heard in those places since Sauron came to Middle-earth. To Sam suddenly it seemed as if all the stones were listening and the tall rocks leaning over them. But Frodo did not heed them; he laughed again. 'Why, Sam,' he said, 'to hear you somehow makes me as merry as if the story was already written. But you've left out one of the chief characters: Samwise the stouthearted. "I want to hear more about Sam, dad. Why didn't they put in more of his talk, dad? That's what I like, it makes me laugh. And Frodo wouldn't have got far without Sam, would he, dad?"'

'Now, Mr. Frodo,' said Sam, 'you shouldn't make fun. I was serious.'

'So was I,' said Frodo, 'and so I am.”

SAMWISE GAMGEE vs. FRODO BAGGINS

See the ULTIMATE TOLKIEN BLORBO MASTERPOST for details and follow #ultimate tolkien blorbo to cast your vote for the blorbiest blorbo of all!

#ultimate tolkien blorbo #lotr #lord of the rings #tolkien #frodo baggins #frodo #samwise gamgee #samwise #the hobbit #silmarillion #the silmarillion #NOW IS YOUR CHANCE TO LET THEM BOTH WIN!!! #FULL BIAS I WANT THIS TO BE AN EVEN SPLIT #COORDINATE IN THE NOTES #MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!!!

[betyloca]

hobbit characters having a human s/o with tattoos and muscles

bilbo baggins

•He was tired of all the dwarves that were in his house and when he heard the door he started screaming.

-No, I don't want any more messy and rude guests, so goodbye.

• oh this poor boy when he opened the door and saw you at the entrance of his house he felt his heart stop

- I'm sorry* I move to the side* pass

• when you came in you introduced yourself

-I'm y/n at your service

- bilbo baggins to his

• He saw how you crouched down and got close to his ear, whispering to him.

- Do not judge people, Mr. Bolson, because I am not rude and disorderly, a little hobbit.

• this guy was a blushing mess

• At the beginning of the trip he was always behind you without saying anything

• this guy loves how strong and threatening you look

• you always end up defending him from Thorin's mockery

• He likes that you pay attention to him when I walk he talks to you about his home

- Your home sounds beautiful, I would have liked to stay longer.

- maybe after this you can come and have tea

- that sounds very good

• loves your tattoos

he spends his time admiring them

• always asks you what they mean or if it hurt you to do them

• sometimes he spends his time counting them when he is bored

• He will never admit it but he likes it when you pick him up, he feels protected in your arms.

• When I gave you a flower I thought you didn't like it until I saw you showing it off to everyone.

• You defend him from Thorin when he finds out that he handed over the stone from the ark.

• in battle you fight at his side without losing sight of him

• In the end you leave, you go with him to the region

until I confess to you

- Y/N I love you, would you like to be with me?

- aww little hobbit I wouldn't be with anyone else

Bofur

•this boy thought you were a man at first until he heard your voice

• He liked talking to you and how you laughed at his jokes

• he loves the way your tattoos look

- And that my lady, why did you do it?

- I did it because of a battle I was in

• He really likes your hugs, how you squeeze him without hurting him

• gets happy when you eat his food

• When they fought the orcs he was excited how you beat them one by one

• in the battle for the mountain they fought side by side

• he didn't lose sight of you even for a moment

• in the end you ended up confessing

- My wife would let me braid her hair

-Yeah

• He had explained to you what braiding means in his culture and it moved you very much.

Dwalin

•oh this man admired your strength

• He liked to talk to you about how much weight you could lift.

• sometimes they did strength competitions

• he likes how agile you are with axes

• Imagine when he discovered that you had tattoos he was almost upset for not having told him.

- Girl, do you have tattoos?

- yes I have some

- why did not you tell me!!

• likes it when you show him your tattoos while you tell them their meanings

• He also shows you his with great pride

• likes to compete with you for who has the most tattoos

- I have 14 tattoos

- * evil laugh*

- and you?

- *showing his tattoos*

- fuck

• No matter how far away you are, when you fight, he always cares about you.

• No doubt his brother notices how he looks at you.

- When are you going to tell him?

- to say that?

- what do you like

• gets jealous when you spend more time with another member of the company than with him

• It was confessed to you when they are in the battle of the five exercises

- Y/N, would you give me the honor of courting you?

- *screaming* tell me now

- what are you saying ?

- well of course yes idiot

•after winning you let him court you

• I couldn't be happier than with you

#x reader #the hobbit imagine #lotr x reader #dwalin x reader #bilbo baggins x reader #bofur x reader #dwalin #the hobbit fanfiction #bofur the dwarf

[laurefindele-thegolden]

I've seen so many posts the past few days where people are asking if it's worth continuing The Rings of Power or even starting it.

And as someone who hated this show with a burning passion to start with (but then had a complete 180) let me give you a few pointerss

1. STOP COMPARING IT TO PETER JACKSONS WORK!

This is like the key point. They're two separate works of art, by different people. One is focused on specific books as source material, the other is using an overall story as its source material with a few passages or pages from other books. So they have to maybe twist things a bit, add stories to stretch it out. I mean HELL PJ himself did that, removed many things from LOTR changed things up. Like Arwen did fuck all in the books really, but PJ decided to change that and give her things to do. And I don't think I have to delve into the mess that was the Hobbit. What I'm saying is, they're two different works of art, made by different people, set during different ages in ME, and it's different source material.

2. "oh but the inaccuracies!"

This kinda also goes with the above, even Peter Jackson's works have inaccuracies and they had the rights to the whole text. And if it will help you to separate the two maybe view the Rings of Power as a fanfic? Or just a completely different thing, a work of fiction in its own right, ignoring the previous lore.

3. The Hair??!!

Okay sure that was one of the things for me, what do you mean that's Finrod? (To be fair that one sill hurts). However, for the majority of elves Tolkien never specified that all elves have long hair. And second of all, I am not sure if this is true cause I've only seen it mentioned on twitter but allegedly there were wig shortages after the pandemic so the production team got wigs for key characters and asked other actors to grow out their hair. And now they just kinda have to roll with it

4. It's Boring

Okay the first two episodes were also a bit of a slow burn for me but just get through it because it gets better. Also the costumes and cinematography is fantastic in the show. So really it is worth watching especially that S2 is looking to be intense and amazing.

5. Oh but why is this character acting like this?

This goes to part 1, don't compare to Peter Jackson movie characters. I mean even they had their flaws! But this is the second age, these characters are at different points in their lives, dealing with other things that you know in the long run teach them things and in turn could lead to make them become the way they are in the third age. And also if your only knowledge about these characters comes from LOTR maybe it's worth trying to delve into the Silmarillion and other texts about the First Age because it explains a lot

To add to this at the end, don't discredit TROP because it is a great show.

#the rings of power #trop #lord of the rings #lotr #the hobbit

[reallydelicatezombie]

NSFW Alphabet - Legolas

I blame "The Rings of Power" for getting me all riled up over this elfin dude. 😤 Also, NSFW Alphabets are one of my favorite types of smutty writings because they're a great overview of the character, and they're really good for getting me thinking about what scenarios and oneshots I could potentially write for the character. ALSO also: for the purposes of this fic, we're giving Legolas dark grey eyes. I do not like the blue contacts in "The Hobbit" at all, and in the books his eyes are grey, BUT since Bloom's eyes are dark brown, I decided dark grey would be a good medium. But you can imagine him with whatever color eyes you want! 😉

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

The literal Prince of Aftercare. Did you expect this soft, sweet cinnamon roll to be anything else but loving afterwards?? He worships you, giving you sweet praises in Sindarin and Westron, telling you how well you took him, while he strokes your hair and holds you tightly. He will get you whatever you desire, whether it be food or drink, or a nice hot bath. He loves gently bathing you as he sits behind you in the tub, leaning you back against his strong chest. He'll massage your sore muscles, rub soothing Elf ointment on you, and then cover you both in the softest blankets as you fall asleep in his arms.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Legolas absolutely loves your neck and bare shoulders. He finds these areas so intimate and alluring. Your beautiful neck is just begging to be kissed and sucked when you arch it for him during sex, and your bare shoulders draw his hands from his sides to caress them. He also loves your luscious hips and supple thighs. Elvish women are generally svelte, and you were worried when you first fell for him that he would find your womanly shape unappealing, but to the contrary, it enthralled him. He loves squeezing and stroking all your curves, and he especially loves that he can grip your hips to pull you back into him when he's taking you from behind. He can hike your thighs up higher around his waist so he can angle himself deeper when he's fucking you face to face.

On himself, Legolas is very proud of his hair, arms, and hands. He knows he has beautiful hair, and when you first asked to touch it, he blushed furiously, but was secretly very pleased that you found it so desirable. As for his arms and hands, he has spent a great deal of his life perfecting his archery and fighting skills, and has built up lithe but incredibly strong muscles. Muscles that he uses to hold you up agaisnt the wall.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Legolas has two places that he loves to come on you, although he will gladly come anywhere you wish. First, he absolutely loves coming on your face, watching the cum drip down your soft face and graceful neck, dip into you clavicle, and then down your breasts. He think it is the most beautiful, the most arousing sight he has ever seen. He was deeply ashamed to request trying this, so you took the initiative and knelt down to let his cum splatter onto your face. His reaction was one of such awe and pleasure that you simply had to do it again and again. His second favorite place is on your lower back/ass. Really, what these two places boil down to is that he loves seeing you covered in his cum; it's like marking that you're his, a sight only for him to see, and the sight drives him absolutely wild.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Legolas would literally rather die and never see the Undying Lands than ever tell a single soul this, but he has a particular dream of stumbling upon you completely naked in a woodland glade (for his eyes only, of course) shooting a bow--his bow, to be precise. He knows it is strange, but the thought of you absolutely bare, with every curve on display, using his weapon with your muscles tensed and taut, just absolutely ruins him. He has had many, many dreams about this exact scenario, and if for whatever you reason you found out and decided to surprise him by fulfilling this fantasy, he is positive his poor elfin heart would stop and he would die on the spot. (Spoiler alert: you do find out about it when, after one of his nights drinking too much with Gimli, he drunkenly tells you. You of course surprise him several days later by inviting him to meet you out in the forest, where you are waiting naked with his bow. He does not, in fact, die, but he is speechless for several long minutes. He then fucks you senseless and decides that he is the luckiest being in any of the realms.)

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He is not experienced; he has had at most two flings before he met you, long ago in his early youth, and only a handful of times with each. BUT--this does not at all mean he is bad or awkward when you get together. Far from it, in fact. Not only is Legolas keenly observant (he sees with his elf eyes, after all), but Legolas has read some things. You see, the Elves have a lot of writing about a great many number of things, including sex. There is a great deal of early Elvish erotic poetry (complete with pictures) that Legolas just so happened to read in his teenage years. It has stuck with him ever since. As his father's library expanded, it gradually grew to include volumes of a similar nature, but from a human perspective. He, being the learned scholar he is, read that, too. Only he didn't think he'd ever need to use that knowledge--until he met you.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He'd be hard pressed to choose a favorite position, but he absolutely loves taking you from behind when you're both laying down on your sides. This position allows him to be as slow and sensual as possible, and he can reach around and play with your nipples and breasts, or stimulate your clit; he can also kiss that lovely neck of yours, or turn your head so he can press deep, passionate kisses on your lips. For times when you both need it hard and fast, he holds you up against the wall, with your legs wrapped around his waist. He can hold you like that for multiple rounds, and can use the wall for leverage. He loves being able to kiss your lips, neck, and shoulders in this position, and his dark grey eyes bore into your e/c ones, making sure he's bringing you to the height of ecstasy.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Nothing about Legolas is goofy or silly, but he does have a unique sense of humor, and will say little things to make you smile or laugh, or even blush (which makes him smile and laugh), during your time together. There are times, however, when he is deadly serious and just needs you. He won't joke during those times, and you wouldn't think to, either.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He has very trim, tidy hair down there, and it grows like that naturally, so he doesn't have to do much grooming. He has a tiny little trail of faint golden hairs leading from his lower abdomen to his groin. You think it's incredibly sexy.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Legolas is deeply intimate, no matter the occasion. He believes that making love (or even the times when it's fucking) is a special thing, one that he does not take for granted. So he wants to show you how special you are to him. He reads you love poems, and erotic poems in Sindarin and Westron, and will light a few candles for soft lighting. He'll hold you close, whispering sweet phrases to you: Chin gelair chîn orthernir guren. (Your radiant eyes conquered my heart.)  Thîr vain chîn darn thulen. (Your beautiful face halted my breath.) He will also write poetry and songs just for you, which is incredibly romantic.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Yes. Just yes. He does, and when he first fell for you, he was greatly surprised to find that he simply could not control his urges, which proved quite . . . distracting. You met when you joined the Fellowship, and during the various battles that followed, like the Battle of Helm's Deep, was not the most opportune time to get a boner. So he had no choice but to find somewhere and jerk off, otherwise he would have been too distracted during battle. So now that you're together, he doesn't need to jerk off so much, but since there are times he must be apart from you, he still finds it necessary. During these times, he just dreams his fantasy of you naked and wielding his bow. He also dreams of what he'll do to you when he returns.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

P R A I S E KINK. Your handsome elf needs to hear that he is doing a good job, he needs to know that he is the only one who can make you feel this good. He lives for your praise, for your sweet, lust-filled moans when he's taking you; tell him how strong he is, how handsome you find him, please. He will shower you in praise in return: "How well you take me, Miluis (lovely one). So beautiful for me, spreading your legs so good for me."

Hair pulling kink. He *loves* it when you pull his hair, whether he's going down on you or if he's balls deep inside you. It shows him how great he's doing. He likes the bit of pain that comes with such pleasure. He also likes to pull your hair. If he's behind you, he'll wrap it around his hand and pull enough to make your head snap back; if he's in front of you, he'll do the same in order to reveal your neck to him, so he can suck and bite on it. Speaking of which. . .

He loves it when you bite and suck on his sensitive ears. You rubbing and caressing the tips sensually is completely foreplay to him, and you know just how to rub them.

He also loves spanking your ass. He would never truly hurt you, because he loves you and knows he's much stronger than you, but he does love seeing the imprint of his hand outlined in red on your ass check. He likes to watch it jiggle when he spanks you.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Because you two are travelling much of the time, you don't really have a fixed location exactly, but he loves any room you two share on your adventures. It's the intimacy of the space that he craves. He also loves any forest, meadow, glade, or dale, too. Seeing you exposed to him under the night sky with the stars, or under the bright sunlight, just does something to him.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

In keeping with his fantasy, seeing you using his bow and using it well gives him an instant boner. Along that line, any fighting skills you posses and use will turn him on. If you pin him down during a sparring session using your thick thighs, he immediately stops fighting you, gets the cockiest grin on his face, a massive boner, and just lays back enjoying it. Seeing you in elfin clothes, with your hair beautifully braided (by him, of course), with a pale gossamer gown that dips low and shows off your neck and collar bones makes him fall in love with all over again (and also leads to you finding some private room somewhere to fuck). If you should happen to learn Sindarin (you do, of course) and you start to say something even remotely teasing, he is instantly a blushing, horny mess. (You do this often.) Bonus points are given if you say it in a low, sensual voice, just barely whispering it against the shell of his ear. He is literally putty in your hands.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Legolas would never take you in an environment he felt was dangerous (so like, if there are orcs roaming about), because as much as he desires you, he would never forgive himself if he didn't keep you safe. He is also not a fan of anything public. He is very private and reserved when it comes to things like that; as he is an elf of few words, being in a spot where you could get caught or within easy earshot of someone hearing him giving you pleasure would likely lead to teasing from the rest of the Fellowship, and that is a conversation he does not wish to have.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Have you heard ya boi roll his 'R's in Sindarin?? Of course he is amazing at giving oral. He absolutely loves the taste of you, like sweet water, and puts all of his linguistic skills to good use when pleasuring you. He has also eaten you out many times while you hovered over his face. Anyway he can give you oral, he would gladly do. On the other hand, he equally enjoys receiving. Not only is your technique superb, but in this position he can sit and watch your beautiful face as he cums all over it. You take his cock and his cum so well, and to be honest, this is something he had only read about in those erotic Elf texts until he met you. You literally stole the breath from his lungs the first time you wrapped your tongue and mouth around his hard shaft.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Generally, Legolas prefers to take his time with you, so slow and sensual is his preferred pace. This way, he can make sure to give you the maximum amount of pleasure: kissing, caressing, breast play, oral, before sliding into your wet heat, he loves all of it. But as said before, there are sometimes when he just wants to fuck you senseless and do it roughly, so he'll slam into you at a bruising pace, which you love.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Occasionally they're necessary because of time constraints, but he prefers the times when he can give you all of his attention instead of rushing through it, which is why you don't often have them.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Like the situation previously mentioned where there might be orcs or other malicious beings around, he is just unwilling to risk your safety. He doesn't have the drive to have sex where there's an added element of danger. And while he does love pulling your hair and spanking you, anything more that might break your skin or cause lasting harm, like knife play or whips or wax play--these are not risks he takes with you.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

My dear, he is called the most tireless of all the Fellowship for a reason. You will most assuredly get tired long before he does, but honestly he prefers it that way, because the thought of not being able to satisfy for as many times and as long as you desire honestly makes him a little sad. He is always up for more than one round, but realizes that for your human body, that might not always be physicallly possible. So, he tries to go for as long as possible, like well over an hour as long as you're not too tired or sore. Your bones are usually limp by the time you're done.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Elves, unsurprisingly have several toys, but because mechanical and electric things have not been invented yet, these are stationary and usually involve insertion. You've tried them together, but they weren't anything special. You much prefer your fair Elf prince's fingers, tongue, and cock.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Also unsurprising: Legolas is a huge tease. He will somehow always manage to sneak up on you without a sound and then whisper something shockingly naughty against your ear while ghosting a light kiss over your neck. When you turn around to say something, he is somehow standing far away, grinning st how aroused he made you from something so simple. He will also make a big show of braiding and unbraiding his hair in front of you, knowing that you desperately want to run your fingers through it. Speaking of showing off, he manages to be practicing some martial art or other shirtless a truly absurd number of times. Even when it's freezing out. "Is it not a bracing day out, perfect for exercising, Miluis?" You would fuss at him that it's too cold out, but you know he doesn't really feel the cold and then you'd have to deprived of the sight of his muscles.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Not loud, but talkative. For someone who is generally quiet, he says a lot during sex. He is always whispering praises in Sindarin and Westron, as well as many swear words in both languages. He can't help it; he just needs to say how good you make him feel and how much he loves you. He won't mind if you make some noise, however. He lives for your moans and pants, your praises and screams. He'll do anything to get those out of you.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

It is Legolas's personal goal to go through every position and technique he read about in Those Books (you know the ones) with you. He thinks you would both greatly enjoy it, and plans on asking you if you'd like to some day. You will of course say yes, and will have the best sex of your life.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He's long, not very thick, but veiny. His cock has a mushroom head, and gets a very fleshy pink when aroused. The anatomy is the same shape as a human man.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

High. He wants you all the time, anywhere (so long as it's safe), any way. You can wake him up at 2:00am, and he's ready to go. He's ready after a long day of journeying, after a battle, after lunch--any time you want. He just loves you so much, and loves connecting with you physically and emotionally. You bring out all of his desire, and he has to show you that. If you don't have a high sex drive, though, he's of course very respectful and can content himself with plenty of jerking off to his favorite bow-wielding fantasy.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Elves vary greatly in their sleeping needs; for Legolas, he always makes sure you are safe and comfortable before even thinking about dosing off. Sometimes he'll immediately fall asleep, not from exhaustion, but just because of how comfortable he is. Other times, he might be exhausted, but he'll stay up, looking at you dream. He'll go over in his mind what you two just did and how much he loved it.

#legolas #legolas x reader #legolas greenleaf #legolas greenleaf x reader #lotr #lord of the rings #smut #legolas headcanon #legolas imagine

[camille-lachenille]

Was thinking about just how much characters in the Silm and LOTR deal with pain an injuries on a daily basis. It’s not always said plainly but they exist in the story, they live, they are important, and I wonder how much of them are inspired by Tolkien’s own experience of war injuries/illness. How many of his fellow soldiers came back home disfigured and disabled and were faced with disgust or contempt?

Sure, there’s the whole fairy-tale/mythic aspect of loosing a limb in your heroic quest to get the Magic Object, but what about Gwindor, who was captured by Morgoth and, when he finally managed to escape, was so changed by his sufferings that his beloved rejected him? Gwindor’s not a hero, he’s a simple soldier who suffered through war and captivity and became disabled because of that. How much pain did he live with daily even if it’s never said on the page?

And, still in the CoH, there’s Brandir the Lame. He was born disabled, couldn’t be a warrior, yet held a position of power until his people wanted action and scorned him. Brandir is a healer, a man of wisdom and lore; how much of it is because he tried to cure himself? To ease his pain but also try to "fix" himself in the eyes of his people and be the worthy leader he thought they wanted.

There is Sador ‘Labadal’ too, who chopped his foot off in an accident and is looked down for that by several character (not the least of them being Morwen).

These three characters are all disabled and looked upon with pity, contempt or outright disgust. They did not become disabled in the doing of great deeds, their stories aren’t heroic, and so their disability makes them worthless in the eyes of many.

If you take Maedhros, on the other hand (pun fully intended), he is seen as made greater by his disability. He suffered unthinkable torments and was freed at the price of his right hand, and did many great and terrible things after that. It is similar for Beren, who also lost his hand (arm chopping is not a love language!) but it always portrayed as a good and heroic character, because his disability is the direct result of him taking part in the great designs of the world rather than a banal accident.

And that’s only for the Silm characters, because we don’t want to forget about Frodo of the Nine Fingers, who bore the One Ring to the very fires of Mt Doom. Frodo who returned home sickly and traumatised, plagued with chronic pain, nightmares and a poor health and was only looked at down by the hobbits who did not take part in the quest if the ring. Frodo may be a hero for Men and Elves but he has little to no recognition in his homeland.

Another character I nearly forgot (shame on me!) is Celebrían, She was captured and tortured and despite her physical wounds healing she was never the same again, to the point she had to leave her family to seek healing elsewhere. I see this as a form of mental illness, probably depression and PTSD. And Celebrían is not thought as lesser because of her disability. She is seen as a tragic story, yes, but it’s better than most of the other disabled characters in the Silm.

Anyway, I don’t really know what my point is here, just that I noticed a pattern in the representation of disabled characters in Tolkien’s works, first of all that they exist at all, and second that how they are treated certainly reflects the views of society on disabled people during Tolkien’s lifetime. The way he writes disabled characters isn’t perfect, far from it, but they are here, and I, as a disabled reader, am immensely glad for their existence and I play in the gigantic sandbox of the Legendarium with these characters and others whom I imagine as disabled in any way.

#tolkien #the silmarillion #the lord of the rings #gwindor #brandir #sador #frodo baggins #celebrían #disabled characters #tolkien legendarium #half baked ramblings by a sleep deprived tolkien fan #tolkien meta

[dodger-chan]

Look we all have to write the steddie flirting through DnD scene don't we?

Consider this a Christmas gift if you celebrate and something to do while everything's closed if you don't.

“How touchable are my boobs in this?”

“I think I’m falling in love with Eddie.” Steve replied. He had not meant to say that. He’d been helping Robin pick out clothes for her date with Vickie that night, and the thought had just hit him. Steve tried again. “Your boobs look great. Vickie will definitely want to slip her hands under that shirt.”

“Perfect.” Robin threw herself down on her bed next to Steve. “Let's go back a few seconds. Why do you think you’re falling for Eddie?”

“I stole one of Dustin’s old DnD manuals and I’ve been looking through it to figure out how their nerd game works. I bought my own copy of Sacred Heart. And I'm trying to read The Hobbit for the third time.”

He was forty-eight pages in, the farthest he’d made it yet. He might make it through the whole book this time, now that he’d decided he could skip the songs. 

“Oh, it’s like when you studied for the SATs with Nancy!”

“Even though I’d already taken the exam. Exactly.” Steve sighed. “It’s been going on for weeks. How did I not notice until now?”

“Because you’ve spent most of your life purposefully ignoring it when you liked a guy.” Robin ruffled his hair. “Hey, at least finding him hot isn’t news, right?”

“Yay for small victories, I guess.” Steve fixed the mess Robin had made. “But what do I do about it?”

----------

A part of Steve had wanted to show up in his rattiest t-shirt and jeans, to do his best to blend in with the rest of the club. But it wasn’t like the other guys didn’t know who he was. And Steve wanted to find out if Eddie might like him, not some nerd that looked like him. So Steve wore a polo shirt and his best jeans. The only way he could have looked less like he belonged was if he’d pulled his letterman out from the back of his closet.

“Are you playing with us Harrington?” Eddie asked when Steve sat down at the table.

“Um, is that okay? Bobbie had a thing come up and she asked me to sub in for her.” Robin’s thing had been a second date with Vickie. At his house, so the girls could kiss without worrying about getting caught. Steve needing to spend four hours in the Wheeler basement gave them plenty of alone time, too. “I might need some help with the math, but Robs gave me a character sheet and some basic instructions.”

Eddie and his friends exchanged looks. Steve really hoped they weren’t going to tell him to get lost.

“Steve? You’re playing?” Dustin practically threw himself down the stairs when he saw Steve. “How did we finally convince you? Was it Robin? Where is she?”

“Robin’s busy. I’m her sub. If Munson’s cool with it?”

Faced with Dustin’s pleading eyes, Eddie didn’t stand a chance.

----------

Steve mostly kept quiet at first, observing how Eddie ran the game, what strategies the kids preferred to use. Mostly he let them make the decisions and when they were in combat he hit the biggest enemy with his morningstar until it stopped moving.

It felt kind of familiar, but way less painful.

After a little while, Steve thought he had the hang of it enough to try Robin’s plan.

“Wait a second,” he stopped Mike before they attacked the mysterious cloaked figure. “Isn’t everybody’s health kind of low?”

“We don’t have time to rest and heal, Steve.” Mike was being weirdly patient with him. “The enemy has already seen us.”

“Yeah, but I could try charming him instead of fighting. Robin said her character was supposed to be charming.” She’d had this long explanation about charisma that Steve hadn’t followed but she’d summed it up as flirt with the NPCs. “If I flirt with him, maybe he’ll let us by without a fight.”

“He’s a guy, Steve,” Dustin pointed out. “Robin’s character is also a guy.”

“Gay people exist.” One of the older Hellfire members, Steve thought his name was Gareth, spoke up. He hadn’t expected any of Eddie’s friends to help him out with this. The three of them had their eyes on Eddie.

Eddie wasn’t saying anything.

“He’s seduced at least one girl in every town we’ve passed through,” Lucas explained. “Usually two or three.”

“It’s kind of a running joke,” Will added.

“He could like both.” Steve said it with a casualness he did not feel. “Some people do.”

“Buckley’s not going to be upset you made her character a little gay?” Eddie asked him.

“Nah, she won’t mind.”

“Then roll for seduction.”

Right as he rolled, another of Eddie’s friends - Steve had missed his name during introductions - bumped into the table. The dice fell onto the floor and one rolled under the sofa.

This was apparently a catastrophe.

“We won’t be able to get the die without moving it! We’ll never know what you rolled!” Dustin whined.

“Couldn’t I just roll it again?” This was, for some reason, the worst question he could have asked, as it sparked a lecture on the sacred and inviolable nature of the dice rolls.

“Have him role play it,” Jeff suggested. Eddie shot his friend a dirty look.

Steve briefly wondered if Robin had been talking with the older members of Hellfire, but that didn’t seem likely. They wouldn’t have any reason to help him out. 

“I don’t mind.”

“If that’s what you want.” Eddie shrugged. “Show us you can be as charming as your character.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m exactly as charming as Sir Dingus des Cheveux.” Steve wasn’t sure if he should be flattered or disturbed by how much Robin’s character was based on him. Though it certainly made playing him easier. “Tell me what I see.”

“I already did. Cloaked figure, no obvious weapon.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’d notice if I was looking for a fight. Can I see his hair? His face? His eyes?”

“Um, his hood is up, so no.” Right. Eddie was going to make this difficult.

“Okay so I step forward and I stand, uh, shit. It’s hard to describe.” Steve could be just as difficult. “Can we act it out?”

“Act it out?”

“I mean the NPCs are all you, right? So if you could stand in for this guy?” A lot of flirting was physical and, for Steve, automatic. He didn’t know exactly what he was doing until he was doing it. 

“Do it, Eddie.”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve always wanted to see The Hair at work.”

Eddie’s friends egged him on. Lucas nodded along with them. Dustin had grabbed a blank sheet of paper and seemed prepared to take notes. Will seemed somewhere between uncomfortable and fascinated. Only Mike looked unhappy about it, but that was just how Mike was. 

Date a guy’s sister for a year and not even saving his life could make him smile at you.

Eddie rose from his seat.

“Okay, Harrington. Charm me.”

Steve stepped forward, until he was almost close enough to touch Eddie.

“Hi,” he said, tilting his head to one side. He smiled a slightly goofy smile that he knew invited teasing. “What’s a nice boy like you doing in a dungeon like this?”

Eddie burst out laughing.

“Seriously? That’s what you’re starting with?”

“Is that you or the character laughing?” Steve asked.

“Both.”

“You have a beautiful laugh.” Steve spoke in character. Eddie stopped laughing, surprised. “I bet your face is just as lovely.”

“He pushes his hood back to reveal the face of a drow. The face is not lovely, but scarred. One particularly nasty scar on his right cheek creates the illusion of a smile. He says, You lose.”

“I don't know about that.” Steve stepped a little closer and lifted his hand. “May I?”

Eddie nodded.

Steve pushed Eddie's hair away from his face, lightly brushing Eddie's scars. Taking care that the back of his thumb caressed the most prominent one, the one that tugged down the corner of Eddie's lip and gave his smile a permanent look of irony.

“You have the most expressive eyes I've ever seen,” Steve murmured. Eddie pulled back.

Shit. That wasn't in character. Steve tried again.

“I think I won, but I wouldn’t want to contradict anyone with such enchanting eyes.” He dropped the smile but kept the teasing tone. “What do I lose?”

“Your life,” Eddie replied, but his heart clearly wasn't in it.

“You don't want to kill me.” Steve’s smile widened. He'd won this round as soon as Eddie had laughed. “If you’re having trouble thinking up a forfeit, can I suggest a kiss?”

“Okay, okay,” Eddie said with another laugh. “You have successfully seduced the drow. He does not attack your party, or summon reinforcements. Your one night stand allows for a long rest. Because the drow is a cleric of Loviatar, you only recover half your health.”

“Worth it.” He winked at Eddie before sitting back down at the table. “Sir Dingus had an excellent time. Is there a fantasy version of asking for a guy’s number? In case I have to sub in for Rob again?”

He didn’t want to saddle Robin’s character with a boyfriend when Robin had been using him to flirt with girls, but he didn’t want to leave Eddie with the impression that Steve moved on from people as quickly as Sir Dingus did.

“The life of an adventurer is hardly conducive to long term relationships.” That did not answer Steve’s question. “But, he tells you his name is Ghauntel Kenduis and should he see you again, he will remember yours.”

--------

Dungeons and Dragons was not the worst way to spend an afternoon. The combat was kind of boring, and the bickering over what the party was going to do next made Steve sympathize with the guys who’d stuffed nerds into lockers. 

Okay, DnD was not his thing at all and the only thing he really enjoyed about it was getting to flirt with Eddie.

Steve slid his hand over the scars on Eddie's neck. Slowly, carefully, he brought their lips together for a kiss.

Well, Eddie’s characters, which wasn’t exactly the same thing. And after that first time, he hadn’t had to do nearly as much roleplaying. But it was still fun.

“You kept breaking character,” Eddie commented when the game was finished for the day. 

“What do you mean?” The kids had, unsurprisingly, vanished upstairs as soon as it was time to clean up. A little more surprising was that the rest of Hellfire had also cleared out, leaving Steve and Eddie alone.

“When you would flirt. You kept losing the characters. You’ve never played before, so flirting with me instead of my NPCs would be an easy mistake to make. Or…” Eddie trailed off. “Nah, you’re just bad at the game.”

“I mean, I am. And breaking character wasn’t something I tried to do on purpose.” Steve stepped close to Eddie again. Close enough to reach out and touch him. “But I kept doing it because I wanted to flirt with you.”

“Why?” Eddie asked. “I'm a freak and kind of an asshole a lot of the time. And I’m not exactly a pretty face these days.”

“Well, it turns out that weird and passionate nerds are kinda my type.” And Steve was sick of dating girls who weren't his type. “May I?”

Wordlessly, Eddie nodded.

Again, Steve pushed Eddie's hair back, tucking it behind his ear. Eddie leaned into Steve's touch.

“You really do have the most expressive eyes. I wish you didn't feel like you have to hide them.” 

#stranger things #steddie #obligatory steve plays dnd fic #my fic

[undercat-overdog]

Ok, I said in this post that I wanted to talk about POV and what different characters would use for their species; I've been thinking about it for a while, because it's important to me to portray Elves as thinking of themselves as the default and I like having them think of mortals as different, as a way of worldbuilding and establishing POV. It's the same basic principle as why I think the War of the Elves and Sauron is a Númenórean name, not an Elvish one.

In brief: man and woman can and should be used to refer to Elves when writing from an elven POV.

I think about markedness a lot when I think about writing generally, and one of the concepts is that there are things that are unmarked, the standard, the default, the normal, the unexceptional. To an elf, the default species is elf, not human or dwarf or ent. I want to write from that POV - to an elf, humans are different, even alien. They're other. Elves are us, humans are them.

I, meanwhile, am writing in English, and man and woman are common words, the most "unmarked" words for the concepts; they're standard (e.g., woman sounds more normal than female human). Something like elf woman or female elf is more marked. Why would an elf use a more marked term to refer to their own race? Using she-elf or whatever for Elves but woman for humans uses more marked words (more uncommon, more specific, etc) for elves than it does for humans - but for elves, it should be the opposite! Elves are unmarked! Elves are default! Humans are different. If an elf is talking about someone, the default assumption would be that the someone is an elf, so if they're not an elf, it would be specified.

So when writing from the POV of an elven character, I would use woman for a female elf and mortal woman for a female human (if necessary to disambiguate). Man, meanwhile, means "Human" when it's capitalized and male when it's not. (Now, if I were writing from a human or dwarven pov, I would use elven woman, if necessary to specify that she's an elf.)

But, you say, what about using Elvish words? Well, first of all, I hate it. We're not writing in Quenya. English is great, and so are the other human languages people use to write fanfic. But that is a subjective matter of taste and you may disagree! Nothing wrong with that, de gustibus, etc.

More objectively, nér and nis are not words specific to Elves; nér means all males, so using it for specifically elf men and not human and dwarven men is incorrect (to quote Elfdict, "Nér can be used regardless of species and so is equally applicable to male Elves, Men, or Dwarves, but is unlikely to be used of male animals, for which the word [ᴹQ.] hanu is more applicable."") (Sindarin is a little more complicated, given the more complex out-of-universe changes, but it too has race-neutral terms for man and woman.)

Lastly, Tolkien himself uses man and woman to refer to non-human species. He calls Galadriel and Finduilas women, and Aredhel is "taller than a woman's wont." Earendil is a man (though he is not a Man) and Curufin is a horseman and there are lots and lots of kinsmen and kinswomen. Hobbits meanwhile, in Appendix F, have "women" and "man-children" (Tolkien is talking about how Hobbits name babies, thus the children part, but I like to think he's getting one more dig in at Pippin).

#meta #linguistics #writing #imo it's breaking pov to use 'man and woman' only for humans when writing from an elven or dwarven pov #the only time Man/Men means human is when it's capitalized #thanks to polu and aipi for examples of tolkien using 'man' and 'woman' to refer to non-humans #also man and women are great! i'm not going to abandon such useful words

[shirefantasies]

hi!! I love your writing so I'd like to request if that's ok :D please could you write a preference scenario (romantic plz) for all the Hobbit characters with an s/o with touch as their love language? if you'd feel comfortable making it a little suggestive then that'd be amazing but don't worry if not, fluff is more than ok with me!

thank you! <3

Your kind words do my heart wonders lovie 🥹🥰 also absolutely 100% take my metaphorical money 💸🫶🏻 some are more suggestive than others just based on the personalities/natures of the characters but I really hope you love it!!! 💕 threw in some extra non-company characters since the ask sounded comprehensive, enjoy 😉

The Hobbit Characters + Physical Affection (Suggestive Version)

Balin

✧ His contented sighs and sounds of pleasure at your affection are some of the most encouraging things you’ve heard.

✧ Loves pressing kisses to your bare shoulders.

✧ Balin is always the one to help dress you, little touches like doing up your laces and things, but he is also the one who helps undress you at the end of the day. Hands carefully working over you to undo every tie of your garments, eyes trying not to roam too far, instead opting to search yours…

✧ He has this little habit of sliding his hands up your sleeves to caress your arms.

✧ Occasionally calls you a pet name he tends to reserve for in private just to flip the script upon his own reaction to your touches.

Dwalin

✧ Gives you the proudest smirk and chuckles deeply when he feels your hands upon him.

✧ You rest your head against him only to feel him move it aside with a surprising gentleness before his lips are on your neck.

✧ When you tell him that you’re cold and reach into the folds of his coat, he remarks with great satisfaction that he knows a way you two could keep warm.

✧ Sparring sessions with Dwalin tend to end up with you pinned and straddled, his gaze boring intensely into yours.

✧ Party trick as it may seem to be, Dwalin can even turn lifting you up on his bicep sensual if he so desires, his other hand reaching for you as you pull to his lips.

Thorin

✧ The type to tell you ‘no, not here’ when he feels you pulling into him, then cave and proceed to kiss you so hard you lose all breath in your lungs.

✧ The further your relationship goes on, soon it will come to your notice how accustomed you are to the feeling of Thorin’s hand protectively about your waist nearly at all times, giving it the occasional squeeze.

✧ Cannot keep his hands off you if you wear his coat, especially if you are wearing little to nothing else.

✧ It’s irresistible to tease Thorin just to see the arch of his brows in surprise at your forward motions, be they placing his hands upon you or roaming yours over him.

✧ Driving Thorin crazy is quite easy, my friend- simply whisper “yes, My King” in his ear.

Oin

✧ Shamelessly makes jokes about how you should slow down, he is the one who's supposed to give you the check-up after all.

✧ Knowing the most about bodies and being studied in their reactions, he very quickly learns both your habits and in turn the places you prefer to be touched.

✧ His massages are expert, heavenly, his hands working over all the right muscles and spots. Such moments are an excuse for you to look through Oin’s oils and choose your favorite scent or mood.

✧ Insists he only know how to undress you so fast from having to do it in emergencies, he swears…

✧ Whispers his desires into your ear, but favors your love of demonstrations to save you having to call out private matters through his trumpet in front of the whole camp.

Gloin

✧ If you were to open up a dictionary and look up the word 'handsy', you would see a picture of Gloin beneath it; he adores the fact that you're the same, proud to tell anyone you can't keep your hands off him.

✧ One of his favorite sensations upon this earth is the way your hands slide over his chest, sometimes even grabbing the edges of his coat, as your lips collide.

✧ Another is when your fingers tangle into his hair, even if they end up pulling a bit.

✧ Bedtime all but brings Gloin wrestling you down into position where he can hold you or lie on top of you. Whether you stay that way or not is up to you…

✧ Puffs out his chest first, then sweeps you into the kiss of a lifetime the day you absentmindedly run your hands over him and squeeze his arms, complimenting his muscles.

Bifur

✧ When allowed to, his hands will roam your body as if trying to memorize every inch of it.

✧ Absentmindedly strokes a hand up and down your legs when you throw them in his lap.

✧ Has been known to silently slip off articles of your clothing and offer pieces of his instead.

✧ In addition to that, he has the teasing habit of sliding hands into your clothes, especially when they’ve gotten cold, just to see and feel the way you contort and shiver in shock.

✧ Signs obscene things with such a straight face or look of mild questioning when you initiate affection, laughing wickedly at your reply of shock or eagerness.

Bofur

✧ I maintain that Bofur adores affection and is unafraid to show it, even going so far as to hold you in his lap and show you (and the fact that only he can do that) off!

✧ As you stand together, foreheads resting against each other, you can feel his hands draw patterns upon your hips.

✧ Even cuddling with Bofur is quite a sensual experience, your limbs a tangle and his lips often sneaking their way to find your neck or chest.

✧ You can always feel him smile against you when your tongue slides to the seam of his lips, deepening the kiss instantly.

✧ Bofur also quite enjoys nibbling on your earlobes if you let him, taking breaks between kisses over there.

Bombur

✧ Blushes at your affections and gives you a look like you are an angel upon the earth.

✧ Main offender of turning a peck onto the cheek into more at the last minute, turning to capture your lips instead.

✧ Occasionally forgets himself amidst your nature and gets a wee bit too comfortable; tells you you have something on your face at dinner and then proceeds to kiss or lick it off like that’s normal procedure.

✧ Almost always has a hand upon your knee or thigh beneath the table, too. Sometimes it remains stationary, other times not so much.

✧ Tends to mirror the affections you give under the assumption that you give what you desire. Sometimes does the things that pleasure you most with the silence, but the most eager look you’ve ever seen, questioning if he’s doing well because frankly he enjoys the praise.

Dori

✧ Definitely more prim and proper about things, so all of that must be in private!

✧ That being said, 'collecting firewood' is a great excuse to go somewhere secluded and enjoy each other’s company behind a tree.

✧ Always asking if you’re enjoying things to learn what gives you the most pleasure, following your responses to his every kiss and touch.

✧ You can feel it in the way he touches you, responds to your touch, that he is all but wondering if you are real or someone who stumbled forth from his wildest dreams set to disappear back into the recesses of his mind.

✧ Takes your hand and places kisses up your arm, sometimes getting less gentlemanly as he goes along.

Nori

✧ You are two peas in a pod! Keeping his hands to himself is barely in Nori’s vocabulary.

✧ When you kiss you can fully expect to feel them roaming, sometimes settling for a grip upon the hindquarters or others running up and down your back.

✧ Lets his lips brush the shell of your ear as he leans in to whisper all sorts of messages, be they comments on the others or promises for the evening.

✧ If your hair is long enough, he loves to tangle his hands in it and tug it in your most intimate moments.

✧ Do not expect to sit down without his grip upon your thigh or even the feeling of your skirt’s edge lifting if you wear one…

Ori

✧ Goes bright red at the way you’re always keeping connected, a hand over his or even both around him.

✧ When you yank him in by the scarf for a passionate kiss, why he’s in heaven, smiling into every motion.

✧ Desperation colors his kisses at times, sending his hands gripping you for dear life and his lips searching for treasure he finds with you again and again.

✧ Has never voiced this, but you can tell by the way his breath hitches that he loves it when you wrap your legs around him.

✧ If he is feeling quite bold you may catch Ori sneaking a hand into your pocket, usually to find yours or place a little surprise gift knowing the small touch keeps your heart warm.

Fili

✧ Loves the way your hands slide around his waist and up his tunic, searching for the warmth of his skin.

✧ Knowing how loved you feel by his touch, Fili often keeps you right beneath his arm, halfway embracing as you stroll.

✧ Traps you with his legs upon taking his desired big spoon role, finding new and creative ways to wrap them around you that may apply in later times as well.

✧ Adores when you shuffle underneath him while he does push-ups, kissing your lips, cheeks, or neck with each bob down. You know the shifts of his mood by if this changes to bites.

✧ Bites upon your neck are another common occurrence, leaving you to tease him that you’ll need a whole new wardrobe of turtlenecks!

Kili

✧ He’s right there with you, whether it’s simply wanting to be holding hands all the time or playfully giving your arse a light smack as you walk by!

✧ You two already have the habit of resting one’s legs upon the other’s lap, but if you happen to wear a skirt when it’s your turn…

✧ Cups your face and looks at you with the biggest smile, breathless in your presence before a kiss that has you barely separating for air, but never fully apart.

✧ One of his habits is catching your hands as they trace over his body when they reach a spot he really likes to be touched.

✧ His hands tend to slide down your back and settle upon your hindquarters when you two share kisses.

Bilbo

✧ Sometimes you’ll just pass the burglar by, running a hand down his arm and giving him a look that has him flushing beet red.

✧ Another one who prefers these things in private, but if you initiate and Bilbo is feeling quite bold he may deftly sneak a hand into your back pocket as you walk. Only if no one is behind you two, of course.

✧ Nuzzles his nose against your before kissing you like he isn’t about to dip you passionately.

✧ Whatever access to your skin is granted, Bilbo practically worships it, awed and reverent in his every touch.

✧ He loves resting his head against your chest, nuzzling in there and if he can peppering it with little kisses or maybe even nips.

Thranduil

✧ Teases the dickens out of you for the way you seek out his touch, practically purring into kisses and running your hands over his shoulders.

✧ Only to turn around and run his nails down your spine as your lips meet again and again…

✧ Upon shared meals, sometimes he will feed you things by hand, hoping you will be unafraid to let him feel you taking it from him.

✧ Much as you love surprising him with kisses, Thranduil hopes you enjoy the deeper feeling of your tongues entwined as much as he does. He is unafraid to use his tongue really practically anywhere you’ll let him.

✧ Trails kisses along your collarbones when you sit in his lap, often upon his throne.

Bard

✧ Laketown's bowman is opening himself to affection again, and receiving it is aiding in that pursuit, reminding him to give in to the desire to show it.

✧ Snaking a hand around your waist, he tugs you against his chest, smiling at the fall of your hand upon him.

✧ His eyelids flutter involuntarily shut at the feeling of your hand dragging slowly down his chest or along the length of his spine.

✧ You can feel his lips part in pure shock the first time your tongue travels along their entrance, but with great haste you are let in.

✧ Even if he is not always forthcoming with it, Bard longs for the comfort of another body nearly as much as you do. As he falls asleep, you can feel him relax, his head buried between your neck and shoulder as one hand travels up and down.

Beorn

✧ He definitely isn’t used to physical affection, starting or even glaring in surprise at first, but when he realizes your love is true, that is when you begin to feel the way Beorn melts into your touch, something different glinting in his brown eyes.

✧ His favorite form of affection is, quite simply, holding you against his chest, height allowing him to rest his head atop yours. From there, Beorn can hardly resist the way you lean up to press kisses to his neck.

✧ You tend to initiate many of your shared kisses, but Beorn inadvertently deepens them with his habit of nipping at your lips. He apologizes, but you assure him he has nothing to worry about.

✧ Finding out you love to cuddle means you’ll hardly find yourself sleeping without Beorn’s form draped protectively over you. Whether he soothes you or claims you entirely depends upon the night.

✧ Beorn’s bear-like tendencies come out in his affection sometimes, the way he rubs his head or sides against yours.

#the hobbit #the hobbit imagines #the hobbit x reader #the hobbit headcanons #thorin’s company #thorin’s company x reader #balin #dwalin #thorin #oin #gloin #bifur #bofur #bombur #dori #nori #ori #fili #kili #bilbo #thranduil #bard #beorn #ask #just-a-little-cellist #requested #suggestive #just 🤏🏻😉

[david-talks-sw]

George Lucas & Karen Traviss' visions of Star Wars are NOT the same...

So whenever I come across this image:

I keep in mind that it's from a book written by Karen Traviss, who is a brilliant author (I adored Legacy of the Force: Bloodlines and Sacrifice) but whose stance on Anakin, Yoda & the Jedi and Star Wars morality is this:

As opposed to George Lucas' stance on Anakin, Yoda & the Jedi and Star Wars' morality, which is this:

In a children's story about Light and Dark, good and evil, selflessness vs selfishness, George Lucas marks the Empire as absolutely evil and the Rebels as absolutely good, in the Original Trilogy.

In the Prequels, the situation is more complex (the Jedi are drafted into a war and forced to do things they know they shouldn't be doing, but have to for the greater good; the Sith bring about order to a corrupt government) but the morality stays the same... the selfish, greedy Sith are absolutely evil and the selfless, compassionate Jedi are absolutely good.

That's George's thesis.

And, as a character, Yoda's function is to deliver that thesis. It's no wonder why Lucas treats Yoda's words as absolutely correct:

Yoda is Lucas' mouthpiece in the Prequels, his self-insert.

George Lucas' narrative frames Yoda as objectively right.

So when Karen Traviss questions the Jedi, particularly Yoda's character and wisdom, she's disagreeing with George Lucas' thesis.

Which is fair. Traviss, is a different person than Lucas, she's an ex-journalist with a more "grey" view of the world and a different philosophy re: fiction aimed at children. "Death of the author" and all that. Again, fair enough.

And if you like Travis' interpretation and philosophy more than George's, if her read resonates with you more... also fair enough.

But the EU is not a reliable source on Lucas' vision.

I've talked about this in MUCH more detail here, but if you do care about George Lucas' vision, then maybe don't draw from the Expanded Universe, which includes content written by authors who expressly disagree with him, like Traviss.

Sounds logical, but for some reason people will read the above-posted Dooku quote and treat it as reflective of Lucas' vision, when it's not the case.

George Lucas' Dooku doesn't have an issue with Yoda or the Jedi (at least not openly, as Darth Tyranus, the Sith Lord he wants them all dead). Dooku's issue is with the Senate and the Republic.

George Lucas specifically added that most Jedi share Dooku's concerns. Before he's revealed to be a mass-murdering, Sith who enslaves neutral systems, the Jedi think he makes a good point and are even reluctant to consider him a murder suspect.

But let's not start saying that Lucas' Prequels are meant to be about "the Jedi's failure" and "Dooku being right that the Jedi are corrupt.

Because that's not the case.

If that's how you see them, great. It's certainly how Traviss saw them. To each their own, authorial intent be damned.

But it's not what they were about, to Lucas. Stating the contrary is... I dunno, lying? Rewriting history?

It's as if I got hired to write a Lord of the Rings prequel seen from Gandalf's POV. And y'know what, maybe I don't like Gandalf. So I write him as a scheming asshole going “myahahahah, fuck hobbits! I’m gonna let them keep the One Ring so a bunch Nazgûl will swoop through the Shire and murder them!” and suddenly, everyone starts writing posts about the notion that “Growing up is realizing that Tolkien always intended for Gandalf to be the secret villain of LOTR!” as if that had always been the case and I didn't just reframe him that way retroactively.

Finally, I'd also encourage you to read @rendar-writes' well-made point here about the fact that, while claiming she "doesn't give the answers", Traviss nonetheless shows a clear anti-Jedi bias.

#There’s a difference between interpreting the story the way you want to #and saying that your interpretation’s is what the author originally intended to convey #star wars #george lucas #karen traviss #anakin skywalker #jedi order #dooku #meta #collection of quotes #lucas quotes #expanded universe

[frodo-with-glasses]

More Reading Thoughts: The Prologue

I will never not love Tolkien’s framing device of “my fantasy epic is 100% a translation of an ancient historical book like Beowulf, it’s totally real, you guys, definitely”

“[Bullroarer Took] was surpassed in all Hobbit records only by two famous characters of old; but that curious master is dealt with in this book” is an incredibly intriguing line to me. You’d think it refers to Frodo and Sam, because of what they did to destroy the Ring—but the rest of the hobbits didn’t really care all that much about that. They saw Sam as just another mayor (if a very tenured one) and Frodo as a strange recluse. I think this line refers to Captains Meriadoc and Peregrin, actually, for their courage and leadership during the Battle of Bywater.

“To the last battle at Fornost with the Witch-lord of Angmar they sent some bowmen to the aid of the king, or so they maintained, though no tales of Men record it.” This cracks me up. First of all, the fact that hobbits claim to have sent some aid to the King’s war, but either they’re lying or mistaken or they’re literally so small and unremarkable that everyone completely forgot they were there. Secondly, this is the first and not the last time hobbits are gonna be a pain in the Witch King’s butt

“They were, in fact, sheltered, but they had ceased to remember it” is a line that goes so hard bruh

Today’s vocabulary word is “ramify, v: form branches or offshoots; spread or branch out; grow and develop in complexity or range.” So “large and ramifying tunnels”, in this case, paints the picture of the hobbit holes sprouting rooms and hallways that branch off like tree roots. Fascinating.

The fact that Merry probably has some Stoor blood in him still makes me giggle because they’re the only hobbits that could grow any sort of beard. I still maintain the headcanon that Merry has three (3) hairs on his chin, and he shaves them regularly and is inordinately proud of them.

“Sometimes, as in the case of the Tooks of Great Smials, or the Brandybucks of Brandy Hall, many generations of relatives lived in (comparative) peace together in one ancestral and many-tunnelled mansion.” That little interjection of “comparative” was not mine, it’s right there in the text, and it has me cracking up X-D

Merry’s little personal asides in “Concerning Pipeweed” are absolutely darling—including the shade at Breelanders, the almost wistful descriptions of how much better the plant grows in Gondor, and the fond way he speaks of Gandalf.

Okay so I once claimed that the book never refers to Frodo as Bilbo’s nephew, only as his young kinsman; but here at the end of section three he is actually called “Frodo his favorite ‘nephew’”, with the quotation marks and all. So the idea is already planted in our minds that their relationship is sort of avuncular (throwback to that old vocab word!) before we start the story.

“With [Thorin’s company Bilbo] set out, to his own lasting astonishment…” 🤣🤣🤣

Boy I still need to do Bilbo-With-Glasses someday

Tolkien taking several pages of prologue to explain the inconsistency of the riddle game in The Hobbit will never not be funny

“And no one else in the Shire knew of [the Ring’s] existence, or so he believed.” Except for Merry, who watched him put it on to escape the Sackville-Bagginses that one time.

It’s called the Red Book of Westmarch because it came from Undertowers!! Guarded by the Fairbairns!! ELANOR’S KIDS!! HI HELLO I’M HAVING EMOTIONS

“The original Red Book has not been preserved, but many copies were made, especially of the first volume, for the use of the descendants of Master Samwise.” I AM HAVING ✨EMOTIONS✨

PIPPIN BROUGHT A COPY OF THE RED BOOK TO GONDOR WHEN HE WAS OLD

AND THEN ARAGORN HAD IT COPIED AGAIN

AND THAT’S THE ONE THAT WAS “TRANSLATED” INTO LOTR

HELP

The fact that Merry wrote so many books and Pippin wrote none is honestly so in-character for both of them

And Merry frequently visited Rivendell!! You guys I cry

#chapter review #lord of the rings #lotr #my writing

[the-really-lonely-mountain]

Along for The Ride - Part 1

Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Summary: Transported to Middle Earth, you must Join Thorin Oakenshield's Company as they travel to reclaim Erebor! OR: My take on the classic 'modern girl in Middle Earth' troupe. With this first installment, we are following the first movie of The Hobbit trilogy, and falling in love with Kili on the way! Slow burn with this one y'all, nothing spicy till the next work I'm afraid.

Tags: Kili / Reader, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Modern Character in Middle Earth, During The Hobbit, How Do I Tag, Canon-Typical Violence, Kíli Is a Little Shit (Tolkien), wrote this while I had covid, in like 4 days lol, implied soulmates, Dwarf Culture & Customs, Freeform, Holding Hands, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sleepy Cuddles, Protective Thorin Oakenshield Company Members, Dwalin & Thorin Oakenshield Friendship, Fluff and Humor, Domestic Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Where In Middle-Earth Is Gandalf?, Hair Braiding, Dwarf Courting, My First Tumblr Fic, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fíli & Kíli & Thorin Live, Thorin Oakenshield Lives, Fíli Lives (Tolkien), Kíli Lives (Tolkien)

Word Count: 6,292

A/N: I was utterly appalled by the lack of Kili writers on here and Ao3. Y'all who write for Kili, I've been eating your crumbs like it's the shit (cause it is) for weeks, but one can't be sustained on crumbs alone so I've prepared a feast!! This is the first fic I've ever wanted to post, please be gentle. Comments, Likes, and Reblogs are loved and treasured!!

Tagging the amazing Kili writers I've been living off of for the past few weeks and who have inspired me so they might share in the feast as well lol go check out their stuff too: @mikathemonster, @cowboybeepboop, @littleenglishfangirl, @ethereal-inquisitor, @sweetpeakili

Photo credit: @immawriteyouthings

Divider credit: @cafekitsune

You were having one of those days that made you want to run away from everything. Instead, you walked on the golf course behind your house after hours; no phone, no umbrella, no bag this time, just you. You had what you could fit from your hands in your jean pockets as you walked the grassy field. Something twinkled and caught your eye on the far side of the fairway, there was a sparkle in the ferns. You walked over and began looking through the underbrush. Your hand grazed a smooth stick with a mangled end that encased a gem. You picked it up hoping for a better look but were transported to another world instead!

You appeared in the new world holding the staff. You were standing beside an older fellow with a pointy hat and long grey beard. You looked around and saw many other gruff, burly-looking men sitting in an encampment. They looked as confused as you. You did the only thing you could think of doing at that moment.

You turned around and took off running as fast as you could.

The wizard whose staff you were running away with asked the younger dwarves in his company to fetch you for him. They ran after you as quick as the wind. You dodged trees and hurdled bushes, making an all-around great effort. You were slowing down though. You stopped for a moment to catch your breath and plan. A twig snapped in the distance; quick footsteps closed in on you. You took off again. You needed a place to hide, a moment to think for God's sake. You were afforded no such luxuries. They were gaining, you were tiring. In your drained haste, you tripped on a bush which sent you stumbling and struggling to regain your footing given your momentum. You finally fell and scampered to take cover behind the roots of a great tree. Their footfalls grew slower and drew nearer. They were so close you could hear their words now.

“…She’s hiding, Fili,” one said much closer than you expected them to be.

You tried your best to steady your breathing. Your heartbeat was so loud you knew they could hear it.

“Stop scaring her Kili,” The other chastised. “You know she’s got to be scared half to death”. He walked past you, studying the ground. The other came up the other side of the tree doing the same.

You gripped the staff preparing yourself to be found. They turned in unison following the same tracks and looked up at you simultaneously. They were both panting but not as hard as you. Fili, the elder and more experienced of the two knelt where he stood a few yards from your curled trembling form.

“My name is Fili” He put his hand on his chest and motioned to the man next to him, “This is my brother Kili. We mean no harm to you.” He kept his distance and showed his empty hands. You stayed firmly pressed against the tree trunk, your chest heaving rapidly and your eyes as large as saucers. They could have tackled you, beaten you, or done any number of terrible violating things, but they kept their distance and spoke softly.

“What’s your name?” Kili asked, with a charming smile as he crouched beside his brother.

“Y/N,” you said in a shaky freaked-out tone.

“Y/N, that’s our friend wizard’s staff,” Fili said, “If anyone can figure out how you got here, he can.”

“But you gotta come back to camp with us,” Kili said reaching out his hand as a peace offering. So many horrible things could happen to you in the wild of this new world, but even more on top of that could if you didn’t go with them.

“How can I trust you?” You asked them. They looked at each other.

“How can we trust you?” Kili threw back at you with a suspicious look and recoiled his hand.

“Touche” you nodded returning his look.

“Seems we are at an impasse then,” Fili huffed at his brother, “You want to get home, and our wizard can do that. The only way that can happen is if you come with us back to our camp. We can only offer you our word and promise on our honor as dwarven princes that you will not be harmed by any in our company.”

You thought for a moment and nibbled at your lip, “You promise?” you looked up at Kili this time.

Kili looked you deep in the eyes, and very seriously said: “No harm will ever come to you, on my honor as a prince.”

You nodded at this, “Very well”, and tried to stand up but were stuck against the tree. The 2 men easily lifted you back to your feet. You followed them back to the camp.

You tried your best to hide behind Kili as you approached the wizard smoking a pipe. You peeked from around his shoulder at the other men in the camp. They were looking at you.

“Please sit, my dear,” The wizard said to you, motioning to the rest of the long log beside him “We have much to discuss.”

Your legs wouldn’t move you from behind the dwarf. You were still quite afraid.

“She seems to have taken a liking to you Kili,” the wizard said to him. The rest of the company let out a soft chuckle of agreement. You couldn’t see it from your angle, but Kili smiled and nodded.

“Sit down child, we aren’t going to hurt you,” One of the dwarves sitting across the fire said. You took a deep breath to gather your courage. One false move by any of the others would have you bolting again.

You moved from behind Kili and sat beside the wizard still clutching the staff.

“May I take that from you?” the wizard politely asked. You handed it to him. He explained how this type of thing had happened to a couple of his wizard friends before, but he didn’t know the remedy or spell to undo it or how to prevent it from happening again. You sat quietly listening and nodding. He explained to you and the rest of the company that he was leaving to travel to his friend and inquire about your predicament. In the meantime, he convinced the company and its leader, Thorin you came to know, to keep you in the company as an innocent bystander to help around the camp and whatnot till Gandalf (the wizard) could figure out what to do with you. Gandalf gave you a small sack of coins, instructing you to get a bag, a bedroll, clothes, and any other necessities you’ll need at the next town.

As the fire died down so did the company. They got out their bedrolls and sleeping gear like a synchronized unit and as quickly as they started, they were all asleep snoring softly. Kili had first watch and was sitting on the ground next to you leaning against the log you were on. You slid onto the ground next to him curled with your knees to your chest. He looked over at you. You looked over at him.

“I don’t know what to do now,” you said not hiding the waver in your voice very well, “I’m so scared.” You couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. You cried into your hands as quietly as possible, so you didn’t disturb and anger the others. If you had looked at Kili, you would have seen him in a slight panic and at a loss for what to do, he didn’t know how to console crying women. You sobbed into your hands knowing you just needed to let it all out then you’d be fine. Kili looked at the fire and put his hand on your back. Physical contact of any kind back home was next to nonexistent, it felt nice to know he was trying his best to comfort you. After a few minutes of uncontrollable sobbing and hiccups wracking through you, you began calming down. When you were able to breathe properly, you wiped your face even though tears kept falling. You sniffled and rested your chin on your knees letting the tears fall silently now.

“Do you feel better?” Kili guessed in a soft tone and rubbed his hand on your back.

You nodded at him, “Yes” You took a deep breath and wiped the tears from your eyes as best you could, “Thank you” You looked at him and smiled a little. He smiled and nodded too, still concerned but returned his hand to his lap. You sniffled and looked at the fire.

“Really though I don’t know what I’m doing,” you said. “I’ve never been camping before,” you paused to think. “I don’t know how to fight or use a sword or make a fire or hunt or-or—” You were working yourself up and starting to cry again. Kili cut you off before you could start sobbing hysterically again.

“WOAH! Woah!!” alarmed, he put his hand on your back again, “It’s ok. Calm down.” he said harshly, “Take a deep breath, that seemed to help last time,” He mumbled the last part under his breath. That made you smile despite yourself.

“You don’t know how to console someone, do you?” You took a deep breath and wiped your eyes. He shook his head and took his hand from you. “Seems we’re both out of our depth then,” you said making the mood a bit lighter.

“In my defense, I was raised in a pack of manly men,” He smiled fondly “It’s a wonder my mother got through to me at all.”

“So, you do have a mother,” you said, making him look at you quizzically “I assumed you were raised by wolves,” You shrugged. He laughed and you couldn’t help but smile.

“You’re not completely wrong about that,” He smiled, looking over at the men across the fire. There was a momentary silence. “We’ll teach you those things, how to fight, how to make a fire, all that,” He looked over at you, “I mean who knows how long Gandalf will be, and you’d have to be pretty stupid not to pick up a thing or two even from this bunch.” You smiled and nodded; this calmed your nerves a little. A moment of silence fell between you again.

“Is it ok if I stay up with you?” you innocently asked, “I’m not very tired.”

“Sure,” he said casually, “May I ask about your life back in your world?”

“OK,” You nodded.

“What do you do?” he asked, you gave him a weird look. “Like for a living, how do you make money, how do you spend your days?”

“I’m a student at university at the moment.” He looked at you confused this time. “I spend my days studying at a desk, it’s boring and dull” You quickly summed up.

“Ooohh,” He said, “No wonder you couldn’t run for shit,” He laughed.

You scoffed, “So rude,” You huffed, failing to hide your smile. He was glad you were cheering up a bit.

“If it’s so boring and dull, why don’t you do something else?” He asked, naive to your world and its ways.

“It’s…complicated” you sighed “I have to study to do what I want to do for work even though I don’t want to work or study or do any of that, but I have to make money somehow because I need money to do stuff and buy things because the world I live in is shitty that way and it’s so frustrating sometimes,” you gritted your teeth to make your point.

“Well, what do you want to do then?” he asked, trying to understand your strange world.

“Sit on the beach,” You said without hesitation “…Listen to the waves…sleep on a blanket in the sun,” you sighed wistfully. “Die happy and rich.”

“That does sound nice” He agreed “I’ve never seen a tropical ocean before, the seas near the Blue Mountains are all frozen over.”

“Surely there’s a beach somewhere in this world,” You refused to believe the universe sent you to a world without a beach.

“There is! I’ve heard stories of Southern Gondor, where the sun makes the sand hotter than forges, and the water falls over the horizon in every direction.”

“That sounds like the beaches from back home,” You felt a little bad for him. You’d been practically raised at the beach because it was the only free thing to do in your hometown.

“May I ask a question?” you asked this time.

“Of course,” He shifted to lean against the log and face you.

“What are you guys doing?” you gestured to the camp around you.

“We are on a quest!” He said proudly, “A quest to take back our ancestral home from the dread dragon Smaug,” he said in a sinister voice. He explained about Erebor and the dragon and Thorin to catch you up. You listened, nodded, and took it all in, asking questions and giggling at his jokes. He was a decent storyteller.

“And I’m just along for the ride I guess,” you said deflated about your role in all this.

“If it’s any consolation, you’re quite good company,” He indulged; Kili always got so lonely on watch.

“Yay!” you said over a yawn, “I’d hate to bore any of you,” you replied, genuinely fearing your stories may never measure up to theirs. You leaned over and laid on the soft grass, curled in a ball with your arm as a pillow. You tried not to shiver from the cool evening breeze. You heard some shuffling of fabric, and then a blanket fluttered on top of you. You looked at Kili who smiled and said: “I’m quite the furnace at night, I’ll be fine without it,” he reassured.

“Thank you,” you said over another yawn. You didn’t expect to fall asleep but the next thing you knew it was early morning and you were awoken by the clanging of pots and spoons. You sat up and looked around to get your bearings.

‘Still in the same strange world’ you thought not fully awake. Kili appeared, greeted you good morning, and handed you a bowl of white goo he called porridge. You thanked him and ate your breakfast in silence like the rest of the company. While the men packed up the camp you were tasked with washing the dishes in a nearby stream. You were struck by the beauty of the incredible woods around you even in the dim morning light. You returned to camp and put the dishes in their bag, which was taken by one of your new companions. You felt out of place without a task among everyone who knew what to do. Balin saw you standing in the middle of the camp looking lost. He asked Thorin what they were to do about their lack of an extra pony for you. They decided you could ride with Kili seeing as he was the lightest (next to Bilbo) and his pony could take the weight and because you seemed the most comfortable with him. The old dwarf with a white-grey beard curled up at the ends approached you with as much of a nonthreatening air as he could muster.

“Good morning, my dear!” He greeted you with a chipper smile. “My name is Balin”

“Good morning,” you replied. “I don't quite know what I’m to be doing,” you said sheepishly.

“That’s ok lass, it’ll come with time,” he reassured, “For now, you’ll ride with Kili so you can see if he needs help getting ready.”

“Ok,” You nodded and started walking in Kili’s direction. You stopped in front of his pony and petted its nose and down its neck. “I’ve been told that I’m to ride with you,” you said timidly looking at him adjust his saddle. Kili looked at you and nodded.

“I’ll be happy to have a lovely conversation again” He smiled and looked back at his saddle, making the final arrangements.

He turned to you and said, “I’ll give you a leg up,” And jabbed a thumb at his pony. You nodded and approached the animal. You put your hands on the ponies back and bent your leg waiting for him to help. He leaned forward so he could whisper in your ear: “Wrong leg”. You blushed quite profusely at that and switched legs. He heaved you with such strength he nearly threw you over the other side of the pony. You made yourself comfortable behind the saddle before he hooked his foot in the stirrup and carefully mounted so he didn’t knock you off.

“You ok?” he asked over his shoulder.

“Yep!” you smiled. He nodded. You were excited to see new lands even though you feared what they harbored.

“If you need to hold on to me when we get going you can,” he said, making you both blush despite yourselves.

A few moments later Thorin called out: “Company ready?” in a deep booming voice, “Aye!” They all replied in unison. “Company, move out!” He bellowed and urged his pony forward. The rest followed behind him one by one. When your animal lurched forward you grabbed Kili's waist for dear life. The company was silent till they got to the end of the forest. You had your cheek pressed against Kili’s shoulder and your chest against his back. The fur of his coat was very soft against your face as you turned your head to look over his other shoulder. You yawned but didn’t realize you did it right next to his ear and breathed down his neck. He determinedly kept his eyes on the pony ahead of him to keep the blush rising in his chest at bay.

“You can take a nap if you need to,” he said over his shoulder in a soft voice for only you to hear.

“That sounds like a good idea,” You yawned again. You buried your face in the soft spare fabric of the hood on his back and cuddled closer to him to rest your head on his shoulder. You closed your eyes and sleep swiftly took you. He knew this because he could feel your breathing slow on the back of his neck. He was happy you could sleep and couldn’t help his smile. You shifted now and then, turning your head one way then a while later turning it the other. Kili tried not to talk or move too much in fear of waking your delicate slumber. By midday, you felt very well rested. You took a deep breath and released your grasp on Kili to stretch your arms above your head, arching your back to wake yourself up. You quickly slipped your arms around him again, so you didn’t fall.

“Good morning!” He chirped, “Well afternoon really,” he corrected with a smile, “Sleep well?”

“Mhm,” You hummed against his shoulder “I haven’t slept that well in a long time,” you said thinking back on the restless weeks before your arrival in Middle Earth.

“Good,” He nodded. “Happy I could be of service.”

“Yes, you make quite the comfortable bed,” you replied.

An easy silence settled between you for a while. You contentedly watched the landscape pass by while he kept the pony on the path.

“What’s a good weapon for a beginner?” You asked knowing you needed to start wrapping your head around the fact that you could be stuck here forever and needed to protect yourself. He thought about that for a few moments.

“I’d have to say a bow,” He shrugged, “I don’t know honestly, lemme ask Fili,” he kicked up his pony to walk faster to be next to his brother. “What is the best weapon for a beginner?” He asked him. Fili glanced at you and thought for a moment.

“Hmm I think a sword would be easiest,” He replied, contradicting his brother.

“A sword?!” Kili said incredulously “No that’s one of the harder ones,” He swatted his hand as if to swipe the words from the air.

Fili scoffed “For you maybe,” he said barely keeping his teasing smile under control “But not to the rest of us, my weapon-challenged brother.” That made you giggle. Kili huffed and pulled his horse back, so he wasn’t beside his brother anymore.

“Are you that bad with a sword?” you asked, trying not to laugh too much.

“No!” he exclaimed, “I’m just better with a bow and arrows,” he pouted.

‘Awe he’s so cute when he pouts’ Your thought took you by surprise.

“Perhaps you can teach me, Archer,” Your voice was lower than you intended, making you both blush. Your breath ghosted over his ear making him shiver just a little. He turned his head to look at you over his shoulder, his face so close to yours. He looked at your lips then deep into your eyes holding eye contact.

“Maybe I will,” he said in a deep gruff whisper that made you gasp and goosebumps rush over your skin. He turned back and smiled; proud he could get a rise out of you. You huffed and distanced yourself from him by leaning back, needing the space to calm down.

As night drew closer, Thorin led the company to the edge of a forest and found a shallow cave, more like a cliff overhang to make camp for the night. He told Fili and Kili to take care of the ponies and Oin and Gloin to make the fire. After the meals had been handed out Thorin told you to take Fili and Kili a bowl. You walked through the forest and found them looking at a downed tree in panicked awe.

“Something took 4 of the ponies,” Fili said to you, hoping you’d have the answer to their predicament.

“Yes, and…” you nodded at them trying not to panic yourself “What are you going to do about it since it’s your problem?”

The brothers decided to see what took the ponies and if they could handle it themselves, no need to worry Thorin, right? You followed them as they tracked the pony-nappers. Kili hid behind a tree and peeked around, you hid behind him and peeked over his shoulder. 3 large trolls were something to worry about, and a sight that made that dreadful feeling drop from your chest into your stomach. Your grip on Kili’s coat tightened.

He turned to you and said in barely a whisper, “Go back to camp and tell Thorin”.

Fili was immediately against it, huffing and puffing from behind his tree. Kili shrugged and motioned with hands as if to say, ‘What else would you have us do?!’ Fili huffed again and snuck around the tree. He tried to cut the rope fence with his sword, but he took too long. The trolls caught him. They were deciding ways to eat him when Kili looked at you in alarm and told you to go back to camp. You ran as fast as you could.

“Ponies! Big grey troll things took the ponies!” You said out of breath pointing the way you just came “Fili…in…danger”. Thorin cursed in dwarfish and rallied the company. Balin told you to keep your distance, so you didn’t get caught in the fight.

The dwarves fought bravely but were captured. Bilbo bid for more time while you thought of a plan. You heard the trolls complain about daylight coming and that gave you an idea. You saw the trolls had made camp in the shade cast by a large boulder. You wedged a branch under the rock and used the leverage to try to roll it. It was very heavy, and you were not. It took everything in your power to push the branch to roll the boulder down the ditch edge it rested on. The trolls were washed in sunlight, turning them to stone and freeing the company. They cheered when you stepped over the branch and into the clearing. You helped them from their confines and smiled and blushed when they praised your good job.

Back at camp the company gathered their things and discussed what to do now. Fili suddenly hushed the company.

“Warg howls in the distance,” He whispered to Thorin “They are coming!”

“RUN!” Thorin yelled at the company. Following Thorin everyone started running. You all ran as fast as you could onto a hilly plane sprinkled with trees and boulders. You ran and ran till the Wargs finally caught up. They began to encircle you. The company fought the beasts, taking them down as still more came at them. You went to hide behind the rock formation but fell into it instead. You climbed out as the Wargs were closing in.

“Down here!” you called “There’s a passage this way!” you slid down to make room for the others. Thorin was the last one, as he slid down a horn was blown near the entrance to the passage.

“I can’t see where it leads, do we follow?” One of the dwarves asked.

“Yes! We follow!” Thorin barged through the dwarves and led the company through the narrow pass. You all walked for a few minutes, but then Thorin rounded a corner and slowed as he realized where he’d unwittingly led the company. The rest kept walking around him, but Bilbo stopped and said in admiration: “Rivendell”. You stopped as well to take in the view before you. It was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. A small town on the side of a mountain with water flowing from beneath some of the glittering structures.

As Thorin led the company over a bridge, you grabbed Kili’s arm to steady yourself as you looked around and took in the ornate statues and architecture of the front steps of a large building. A man much taller than you or the dwarves approached the group.

“We would like to speak to Lord Elrond,” Thorin said through gritted teeth. He was swallowing his pride for the betterment of the quest, that much was clear through his clenched fists and tense shoulders.

“Lord Elrond isn’t here,” The elf said regretfully.

“Then where is he?” Thorin’s patience was growing thin. A horn was sounded on the other side of the bridge you’d just crossed. Everyone turned to see a group of horses galloping towards them. The dwarves began shouting in dwarfish and closing ranks with their weapons ready for battle. You were pushed into the very center of the circle as tall horses and riders circled you. They stopped suddenly and the one on a black horse dismounted.

“My Lord Elrond,” The elf who first approached you said with a bow.

“Lindir” Elrond bowed his head at him then turned to the leader of your group, “Welcome Thorin son of Thrain,” He looked over the dwarf “You have your grandfather's bearings.”

“I’m afraid I know you only from the stories my grandfather told me,” Thorin was doing his best to be polite. (You were later informed that the stories were mostly about him being a ninny.)

“I’d like to offer you and your company a taste of our elfish hospitality,” Elrond said with a warm smile.

“Does that mean we’ll eat?!” Bombur called from the back. The company chuckled at him.

“Yes Bombur, that means we’ll eat” Dori replied. The company cheered at the prospect of a full belly and a warm hearth.

Not long after, you were sat next to Bilbo and Kili at a large table. The salad appetizers were very good despite the dwarves not liking green food very much. You giggled at their jokes about how bad the music was or how they wanted chips and meat. Thorin was sat at another table across from Elrond discussing something you couldn’t hear, but you could tell it pained Thorin to be in the other man's presence.

You turned to Kili beside you. “Thorin looks constipated,” you said in a low voice barely containing your laughter “He can’t even pretend to be enjoying this”. Kili looked over at his uncle and laughed with you.

When the meals were served there was boisterous laughter and general dwarfish shenanigans, the usual at any merry dwarfish gathering. Bilbo looked like he was having PTSD from when they were doing the same at his house at the beginning of the quest. At the end of the meal, Thorin and Balin disappeared with Elrond to discuss a map. You asked Kili if he would escort you to the markets with as much innocent girlish need as you could muster to solidify your security. He agreed and walked with you through the corridors and to the market. He helped you get a fair price on a bag, a blanket, and a bedroll. The next thing you needed was clothes to blend in.

“What do the women around here wear exactly?” You asked him. He shrugged.

“It depends, I guess” He had his hands shoved in his pockets as he followed you around the clothing stalls like a puppy.

“Gee, that’s a big help.” You teased.

After some more wandering you found a stall selling clothes that looked your size. You purchased a dark blue form-fitting tunic that stopped above your knees and had slits on the sides that went up to your hips. It paired very nicely with the brown pants and brown coat with dark blue highlights you bought as well. Kili helped barter with the merchants since you didn’t know the fair price of things here. In another section of the market, you bought spools of black, blue, and pink thread. You put your belongings in your new bag.

“Are we done?” Kili asked, sounding slightly annoyed. He was ready to go back to the others and be away from so many elves. You sighed and rolled your eyes playfully and nodded. He led you through the busy crowded markets by holding your hand. You were thankful he was in front of you so he couldn’t see your blush. You made it back to the group, who had set up camp in a courtyard garden at the end of a hallway. Just as you arrived two female and two male elves came down the hallway.

One of the males stepped forward, “The bathhouse is ready for you now” he said to the group.

“Bath?! We don’t need no stinkin’ bath!” Exclaimed a dwarf from behind the fire. The rest heartily agreed, not ready to drop their pants on elvish soil it seemed.

“I’d like a bath” you timidly said, not wanting to make a fuss but very much wanting to be clean.

“Very good mistress dwarf, if you’ll follow us,” one of the female elves said. You were tense as you followed the four elves down the corridor, not sure what you were doing.

“You best go with her lad,” Dori said to Kili, “You never know what an elf might try to pull.” He glared at the back of the elves as they walked away. Kili nodded and ran after you.

“Y/N!” He called making you and the elves stop.

“Oh, change your mind, Kili?” You asked with an innocent smile, happy to have his company.

“Yeah, I guess so.” He smiled too.

You were led to a large door that opened into a covered hot spring that flowed over the balcony to create an assumably gorgeous waterfall. Columns lined the outer edge of the room which was split down the middle by a cloth partition. The male elves walked to one side of the divider with Kili in tow, while the females walked to the other. The elves asked that you wash under the heated shower of water off to the side before entering the hot springs. They left you to your own devices.

“I’ve never seen anything like this have you?” You asked Kili across the large room.

“No” He smiled at the wonder in your voice from seeing new things and making discoveries. He thought it was very cute.

You placed your bag and new clothes on the vanity in the corner. You undressed and stepped under the warm shower. You used the bar of soap you found to wash your hair and body. It was the best-smelling soap you’d ever had the pleasure of experiencing.

“Hey, Kee?” You hollered.

“Yeah?” He yelled back.

“Do you plan on keeping your soap?”

“No…Why?”

“I’ll take it then. I’ll need extra anyway,” And you were so happy you did. That soap made your hair silky smooth and stronger than ever. You rinsed the suds away then stepped into the hot springs.

It felt luxurious. You couldn’t help but moan a little as the heat pulled every knot and tense muscle from you. Relaxed, you floated in the steamy water.

“You still there Kili?” you asked suddenly nervous he’d left you.

“Yeah, I’m here” He replied, “We shouldn’t take too much longer though, Thorin could be back any minute and who knows what kind of a mood he’ll be in.”

That made you enjoy the bath a little faster. Not long after you began drying off and getting dressed. You took the hairbrush and beads and other miscellaneous hair trinkets that were on the vanity. You looked in the mirror at your new outfit. It fit as you thought, though a little snugger in some places than others, hugging your curves to allow for movement yet still baggy for breathability and insulation. Overall, a nice ensemble.

“Ready Y/N?” Kili asked from across the partition.

“Yeah, you can come over, I’m just packing my things.” You replied, folding your old clothes, and putting them in your bag with the rest of your things.

“Here’s the soap” He handed it to you.

“Thanks!” You smiled at him; you simply wrote his flushed cheeks off to the hot water. When you stood, he was able to get a much better look at you in your new clothes.

“A perfect fit I see” He smiled, looking you up and down. He couldn’t help but imagine what you’d look like wearing nothing but his tunic. A line of thought he blushed at and quickly willed away.

“Does it look alright? I don’t know how it’s supposed to fit” You fussed with the hems and the folds trying to make them lay better. He grabbed your hand to make you stop fidgeting.

“You look great,” he said with a genuine smile. You smiled and nodded your appreciation.

You walked back to camp, making moneyless bets on what mood Thorin would be in when he returned.

As you approached Fili saw you in your new outfit and said, “Well look at this…” Making the rest of the company look at you too, “Our wee lass looks like a bona fide middle earther now!” They cheered at your near-complete indoctrination.

“Now she just needs to learn how to fight like one.” Bofur quipped from beside the fire.

“Then I wouldn’t need any of you to protect me!” You put the back of your hand to your forehead feigning a damsel in distress, making the company laugh. You sat on the ground beside the long chair Kili was now examining his weapons in and leaned against it. You held out a stone fish figurine to him.

“As a thank you for helping me” you cleared your throat “…And for being my friend.” You couldn’t meet his eyes, but you knew he was smiling a little around his reed pipe. He took it from your open hands. You know it wasn’t much but it’s all you could offer.

“Maybe one day you can return it to the ocean,” you said, referring to your previous conversation.

“Maybe I will,” he smiled down at you with genuine fondness.

“Bombur!” Bofur called before throwing a sausage to his cousin. The table, which took skilled elfin craftsman months, even years to craft and carve out of solid wood, collapsed under the massive weight of Bombur. Everyone erupted in laughter, it was nice to be part of the group and share in the merriment.

~~

Thorin stopped Balin on their way back to the camp, “We should leave her here,” He said, “She is a liability.”

Balin had a terrible sinking feeling in his round tummy when he thought of splitting you up.

“So what if she is, Thorin?” Balin said near pleading. “Have you ever seen your nephew that happy or open with a girl that quick before? I’ve never seen the lad so engaged in a conversation that didn’t have to do with weapons before last night. So what if she dies on our quest, at least we gave them a chance to happen, and if fate finds their pairing favorable it will all work out!” Balin was desperate to keep you and the young prince together if only to keep the sinking feeling at bay.

Thorin huffed, “Very well, but her blood is not on my hands,” He walked away and into the camp.

~~

Thorin and Balin returned, and the tone became slightly more serious—slightly. The company settled and laid their bedrolls in the grassy parts of the garden. You laid yours out as well and prepped for sleep by removing your shoes and coat. The night was warm enough that your blanket would suffice. You looked up at the stars wondering if any of the constellations were the same as back home. You cuddled your coat to your chest relishing the feel of the soft fabric. The low conversation between Fili and Kili, while they sat on watch across the fire, lulled you to sleep.

Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

#Reader-Insert #Slow Burn #Modern Character in Middle Earth #During The Hobbit #How Do I Tag #Canon-Typical Violence #Kíli Is a Little Shit (Tolkien) #wrote this while I had covid #in like 4 days lol #implied soulmates #Dwarf Culture & Customs #Freeform #Holding Hands #Cuddling & Snuggling #Sleepy Cuddles #Protective Thorin Oakenshield Company Members #Dwalin & Thorin Oakenshield Friendship #Fluff and Humor #Domestic Fluff #Tooth-Rotting Fluff #Where In Middle-Earth Is Gandalf? #Hair Braiding #Dwarf Courting #My First Tumblr Fic #Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies #Fíli & Kíli & Thorin Live #Thorin Oakenshield Lives #Fíli Lives (Tolkien) #Kíli Lives (Tolkien) #kili x reader

[olderthannetfic]

I know about the origins of the Bechdel Test, but I do think it's inaccurate to say it's not meant as a criticism of movies that don't do that. I think that when people stop thinking in binary terms of "is this feminist?" or "is this anti-feminist?" and instead look at things more holistically, that you can recognize both that a character like Mako Mori is great, a step in the right direction for female characters in action movies and especially WOC, go forth and stan her and write all the fanfic you want.... but yeah, it is also a valid criticism of the movie (and many others like it) that she doesn't talk to or have relationships with any other woman in the film.

I think one thing to help people realize just HOW much of women's lives are being left out of media representation when we never talk to other named women about something other than a man in movies, is to just think about your own life. I talk to my mom every day, and if we are not talking about my stepdad or my brother-in-law (and I don't think we've ever had a conversation that wasn't at least IN PART not about them or another man), then it passes the test. I'm a professor and when I talk to a female student about her homework or project (which is, again, something that happens pretty much every day I teach), that's passing the test. If I order food from a female cashier and she has a name tag, that's passing the Bechdel Test! It's literally just constant for the vast majority of women on the planet, and that's what's being left out of our stories.

Like, I like the takes I've seen about how part of the joke in Dykes to Watch Out For is that this is *particularly* alienating to lesbians - as a lesbian myself I agree - but I also think it should be frustrating to straight and bi and ace women as well, because like unless you are like exclusively interacting with your husband or male relatives every single day + you work in a workplace where you are literally the only woman, you are almost certainly passing the test constantly. That's a pretty big part of women's lives that Hollywood is leaving out!

But I think it's important to view it as just one piece of the discussion about feminism and women's representation in film, not the final judge on if a film is feminist or not. Which it wasn't intended to be - as you said, it was mostly a joke on the extreme maleness of 80s action movies. Honestly, I do not miss those days on Tumblr where people were obsessed with declaring certain movies/TV shows/other fandoms they liked as "feminist" or "anti-feminist" and the really bizarre granular discussions people would have between two works that BOTH had a long way to go in terms of representing women. I remember people in the Fullmetal Alchemist fandom would use this to argue about if the original anime or Brotherhood/the manga was better - when both have some fantastic female supporting characters, but are ultimately male-centered stories where even a lot of those women's lives and stories are centered around their male love interests and family members. It's better than a lot of shounen, but if that's your bar for feminism - either version - you have a long way to go (and need to watch WAY more anime because there's sooooo much of it that is female-centric). I also remember people coming up with other tests that were blatantly silly: like I thought the Mako Mori test about "if a woman has a motivation/story that isn't centered on a man" was fair because it did point out a legitimate criticism, but there was that ridiculous "Tauriel Test" where it was "a woman who is good at her job." And it was entirely about someone just disliking that movie critics and feminist commentators alike were down on the Hobbit movie trilogy, which a) were bad movies, sorry you have bad taste, b) are absolutely not where you should focus your attention if you're so concerned about women's representation in film, Tolkein has always been a sausage fest! And her big thing was being mad that people thought Judi Dench's M in Skyfall was a better female character, and so she arbitrarily decided she was "bad at her job" and Tauriel was "good at her job" even though that's completely subjective and can be challenged in both cases.... but also, once again, why are you looking to the fucking JAMES BOND franchise for movie feminism! There's nothing like comparing the relative "feminism levels" of JAMES BOND and LOTR to make it obvious that this is 100% about validating your subjective taste preferences by giving it a "progressive" excuse, not actually about feminism and not actually caring about women's representation beyond how it makes you look good. And yet SO many people took that transparently stupid post seriously. I'd see professional articles mention the Tauriel Test as "one of the new tests" like there was anything serious about it.

And then on the flip side, over-reliance on the Bechdel Test alone led to some clueless conclusions especially in anime fandom, given that anime has an abundance of shows that exclusively feature female characters in school clubs being cute, where those characters are nonetheless two-dimensional archetypes designed for the male gaze. Someone like fandomsandfeminism did a presentation at an anime con that called one of those types of shows "feminist" and some Japanese user eviscerated it, but that just led to the equally shallow fandom analysis of "everything a Japanese person says about anime is automatically more valid" and "any Westerner who wants to criticize anime on feminist/progressive grounds is culturally appropriating and ultimately coming from a place of ignorance, even if they literally have a degree in Asian studies."

Wow, this turned into a rant about the history of bad "feminist media criticism" on this website. Sorry about that, I think I had a point in here somewhere. I guess that the Bechdel Test is indeed a joke and those origins should be understood, but also, I don't think it's wrong to say that it identifies a real problem and one that people could probably take MORE seriously than they do - but as just one part of the conversation, not the Feminism Litmus Test, and certainly not as a dick-measuring contest about whose fandom gets them more progressive brownie points.

--

I think as long as we grasp that the joke is "The bar is so far under the ground that we might as well go home and eat popcorn there", it's fine.

The real issue with the test is that people started thinking a pass was meaningful.

If you say something like "X% of 2020s movies can't even manage this weaksauce level of women existing", that's a meaningful statistic. Even if you got a couple of data points wrong, you're not factually wrong enough for it to matter because X is going to be some massive, massive percentage, and the overall trend is so clear.

But a pass is nothing to celebrate, and that's where we went wrong.

Like you say, litigating which of two big franchises that barely do anything with women wins on tumblr points is idiocy.

I think people are so unaware of what media that genuinely centers women even looks like that it's hard for them to even begin having a discussion.

I personally have been a massive fujoshi type from adolescence, and media that centers female characters isn't actually what I typically want. (Though media that is by and for women and that doesn't give a fuck what men think of this is.) I am also not much of a fan of slice of life in general...

But when I was coming out and figuring my shit out, being able to go buy collections of Dykes to Watch Out For was incredibly valuable to me.

Ditto the other lesbian comic books that were just sitting there in the bookstore. I'm sure if I went back and reread them all now, I could find things to nitpick or ways they were more for lesbians and less for me as a bi girl, but the really distinctive thing they did was let me exist in a world where media isn't all 80s sausagefest action movies where women are not people.

In fact, they were a world where men don't matter terribly much—not because they're dramatically rejecting men in some facile and reactionary way but because... who cares? They just had other priorities... and this was normal.

It feels like people who've never taken a vacation from really mainstream media just have no concept of what it would feel like to exist in some other space.

And I think that's a pity even if, like me, they later choose to go read mostly BL later instead of focusing on female characters or they genuinely love trash 80s action movies despite everything wrong with them. It's not just sexist media that's the issue: it's that feeling like the fish can't see the water it's swimming in.