#but i like making friends i LIKE people. girl someone get me some counseling and SSRIs or something

[yj-98]

. 🧍

#it is repeatedly soulbreaking that without fail i will - every late fall + into winter - just become So Much Worse #every spring + summer ill be marginally better and ill make friends and feel social and like i can DO things #and then without fail i will recede and let people down and its just. i am tired. literally so tired of the cycle #i dont want to sound dramatic and call it ''letting people down'' and ''being a disappointment'' but its so. like i can barely feel human #i do Not have the ability to upkeep social connection and friendships half the year its so fucking pathetic. frankly. #but i like making friends i LIKE people. girl someone get me some counseling and SSRIs or something #ptsd and depression and lack of vitamin D gang. i guess. #because the feeling that im alone and hurting others by isolating against my own better judgment is soooo inescapable. yearly. #like whats the point. im tired of conversations having to start with ''hey sorry i was busy and my brain wants me dead'' #rook.log

[prototypesteve]

1994. A little story about my asexuality being misinterpreted (by a professional) as a disorder, and how that led to years of trouble.

Animation Description: An aromatic-asexual sense pride flag, onto which someone writes "So the thing is… I don't think I've ever had what my friends say would qualify as a real crush, and even after four years of college I still haven't started dating, but maybe the weirdest part is that I've never wanted to." Then, abruptly and violently black paint is spattered across the message and in white text someone superimposes the dismissive message "It's just low self esteem! – Expert opinion"

In 1994, I went to see a counsellor.

What happened was some friends and I were just talking about life. We were all in our early 20s, and so of course sex came up, and I confided that no, I hadn’t had it yet. In fact, I hadn’t even been on anything that would qualify as a date, yet.

I’ve always had good luck with friends. Instead of teasing me about it, one of them gave me the name of a counselling clinic, because they thought it might be worth checking that everything was okay, and there wasn’t something getting in the way. (It was the 1990s, and Generation X didn’t have taboos about getting help.) So I made an appointment.

I described what we’d now call textbook aromantic asexuality. I explained that I was 22, and hadn’t yet been in a relationship. I hadn’t even had anything like a crush. I hadn’t experimented; no kisses on a dare. I had pretty good friendships with guys and girls, but nothing closer than friendship. I felt “behind schedule,” especially because my friends all found it odd that I was still inexperienced.

The counsellor gently asked if I felt it was because I wasn’t allowed to be “experienced”. They noted that I referred to everything euphemistically. Experienced. Relationship. Spark. Feelings. Dating. I never said love, sex, aroused, boyfriend, or girlfriend. I never said romance. Was it because my parents had some strict taboos around seeing girls while I was just fresh out of college, when I should be focused on my career? (I’m half Japanese so that was plausible.) Was it because I felt I wasn’t allowed to love the people I felt attracted to, because I might have been gay or bisexual and hiding that? (Also a fair question, because, sadly, the 90s still weren’t a safe or fair time for my gay and lesbian friends—I didn’t know that I knew any bi or trans people at the time, although I’m sure I did.)

I thought about it. The honest answers were no. My family didn’t make me feel like dating was inappropriate or wasteful, and I just didn’t feel anything “special” for any of my guy friends (and I had guy friends who were comfortable telling me they were gay).

I went on. I explained that I felt happy. I didn’t see any obvious signs of depression or illness or anything. All I felt was a little embarrassed about being so far behind all my friends. Not dating, not “feeling the spark”, not having a “type,” and not having any thoughts on a future family all made me feel immature, and like maybe I had some kind of developmental thing going on. I knew what all those things were. I wasn’t some sheltered or repressed prude. I just wasn’t doing any of that stuff. Not even the perfectly innocent stuff like having a crush, or even really having a “type.”

But it was 1994 and counsellors didn’t have asexual or aromantic on their list of things it might be. So the best the counsellor could guess was that I just didn’t feel good about myself. It must have been low self esteem. (The early 90s still reeked of the yuppie success-or-die greedhead era.) Their guess was that I might have felt my sexuality was something I didn’t feel I had earned the right to access yet, evidenced by my using euphemisms to describe love, romance, and sexuality.

They suggested I read “Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy” by David Burns, and not worry, because some people are just late bloomers.

And I left there, redirected away from a truth that neither of us knew about. And it would be nearly thirty years before I “reopened the case”, and asked the same questions and got a better answer: Some people experience little to no sexual or romantic attraction. They aren’t necessarily repulsed by sex, or driven away by trauma. They might even have perfectly natural responses to sexual stimuli either alone or with others, but they just don’t feel “I want that, and I want it with this specific person, or this specific sort of person”. They call those people aromantic and/or asexual, based on a presumption that romantic and sexual attraction can sometimes be experienced independently.

I learned that in 2022.

I needed to know that in 1994.

I know I’ll gradually get over that. But yeah. I feel a lot of things about it. Some of them are bad things. But what I’m going to choose to feel about it is grateful that the person who needed answers in 1994 made it to my answers in 2022, and didn’t fall apart in 2022 when I found those answers.

I didn’t let that lost time break me. I didn’t let the mistakes I made crush me. I didn’t find anyone to blame. (That counsellor in 1994 wasn’t hiding anything from me. The world just didn’t talk about people off the Kinsey Scale.) I didn’t let it derail my faith. Asexuality isn’t a curse, and our confusion and fear about the gift of being different like this isn’t the Gift-Giver’s fault.

I’m just going to keep moving. With answers. I’m looking forward to seeing what happens next.

#aroace #asexual #aromantic #questioning #aromantic asexual #aspec #asexuality

[jitterbugjive]

So Maybe I Do Have Autism

Firstly, I have been trying to sleep for the past 3 hours with no luck, so I've given up for now and decided to do this now instead of later. I have some old behavioral notes from various counselors, some from school and one a more general counselor, and they point out a lot of behaviors that really just scream 'autism' to me and my friends who have it. If I was born the male sex I very likely would have been diagnosed with it. I censored out my dead name but the pronouns are still female since I didn't come out as trans until my 20s.

Warning, some of the language used in these notes can be a bit outdated or even ableist because these notes mostly come from the 90s.

So this is all Kindergarten to first grade and there's one main thing I want to point out about my 'argumentative' behavior. I actually remember arguing with people as being my way of having fun or hanging out, hence why this girl I was not supposed to play with that I was always fighting with registered in my head as my "best friend". She argued with me a lot, therefor spent a lot of time with me, therefor liked being with me, and thus had to be my best friend.

Also to note is that I found math and writing easy, which is kind of funny because it remained that way all the way into highschool where I would generally excel in math and literature and they were my favorite academic classes.

Next ones are in the third grade:

I want to remind people how stressful Christmas used to be for me. It makes perfect sense that my behavior would dip significantly after Christmas break. I would have come back from a situation with a lot of yelling, chaos, and abuse.

The older I got, the less kids wanted to be around me because they became more aware of my odd and 'annoying' behavior. It got harder and harder for me to understand other kids because they were more complex and confusing, and I found myself getting along better with much younger kids because they were easier to understand.

Next are observations my mom provided to the counselors when trying to get me an ADHD diagnosis. At this point I was 8 years old.

Lastly are notes from when I sought out counseling when I was 17, this was after being in special ed for a long time which was a better environment for me overall.

It's funny I said I have "never hurt myself", because what I thought of as hurting myself was things like cutting. I didn't think that hitting or biting myself counted as hurting myself, and I didn't want them to think I was suicidal.

I also want to add a couple of stories that add to this from my memory. I remember in 5th grade I was finally placed in special ed, and I had to go on a smaller bus that had teenagers because of that. And those teenagers scared me and were kind of mean. So one day I read a book at the school library and checked it out because one page had what I thought was a pretty scary dragon head on the spread. And when I went on the bus, I pulled up the book and held that page over my face at the teenagers to scare them, and they of course reacted mock scared and were making fun of me. But at the time, I thought they were legitimately scared because I was super bad with sarcasm.

Another time, I can't remember how old but in elementary school, I put on a shitty wig to pretend I was someone else, hoping no one would recognize me and therefor stopping the bullying. Obviously that didn't work.

Sooooo yeeeaah, I dunno about you but this really comes off to me as autism and not just ADHD. I'm fairly sure I have both, to be honest.

Thoughts would be appreciated. I'll probably bring these up with my therapist, though I'm not seeking a diagnosis any more because it would probably make things more difficult for me.

#autism #autistic #asd #autism spectrum disorder #mental health #mental illness #mod

[thegeminisage]

oh boy IT'S tng update time. last night* we watched "imaginary friend" and "i, borg."

*tonight. it's 1am. whatever. it's posting tomorrow when i'll be awake but busy. anyway im gonna have to start splitting these up so tumblr will stop FUCKING me re my character count

imaginary friend:

what i like about this episode and indeed tng as a whole is that the little girl was fucking adorable. tng fans, your show has at least one point of validity. whenever there was a child on tos i wanted to throw them out of the airlock because they acted possessed. all the children on tng inspire within me motherly concern.

HOWEVER. THERE SHOULD NOT BE. CHILDREN ON A STARSHIP.

we've gone over this at length. we don't need to do it again. i am sick to death of hearing myself talk about it. i want to stop. and yet. every. and i mean EVERY. SINGLE. PROBLEM. in this episode. happened because there were children on a starship.

problem #1: child is making up a fake imaginary friend instead of making real ones = it's because her dad hops from starship to starship

problem #2 her imaginary friend is real now and wants to drown her in the pool like in that one episode of s*pernatural = this is because an alien, from space, read her mind, which it could not have done if she wasn't in space on a starship

problem #3: the alien HATES the grownups and thinks they should die = because she is seeing the ship from a child's pov, because there are children on this starship

and on and on and on.

aside from this huge and ongoing point of contention it was solidly watchable. i liked the little girl. i like guinan. i like worf being a big old softie when he found them out of bounds. i like people not undermining deanna's counseling work. i liked the horrifically unsettling imaginary friend with laser eyes who definitely absolutely inspired 2.11 playthings.

can anyone tell me if the other star trek shows just let them have kids on the ships? ds9 i get because that's a space station but are there kids on the ship in enterprise? voyager? discovery? genuinely please write in i can't take living like this

i, borg:

ooooooh. ooh i am twirling my hair and kicking my feet and giggling about it. OHHH finally we get a good tng episode. and not just a good episode a GREAT episode. the liz community has forgiven tng. oh baby where do i even begin

okay, firstly, beverly. she so instantly sees someone injured and HAS to help, i mean HAS to, it's so good. it's very bonescore in a way that doesn't feel like they're trying to make her a cheap bones knockoff but rather a spiritual successor. he would have also helped his enemy rather than watching him die. hell, he DID do that and got quite literally mind-raped for his trouble, and he'd probably do it again. i was really really lukewarm on poor bev at first but she's come into her own so well and i'm proud of her

the borg himself - third of five, aw, just like seven of nine - but no, hugh - the name is dumb but whatever i'm glad he has one - was well-cast. it would have been easy to make him uncanny and an unpleasant presence onscreen (this was my biggest issue with data's daughter even though the ep DID make me cry, deeply sorry to data whomst i love the most). his "you will be assimilated resistance is futile" song and dance was actually really funny when played off of geordi's wry indifference. "ok, but before we get assimilated, can we please finish x test?" so true king

geordi's a natural choice to pair with this guy because when he's not being the creepiest person on earth to holodeck girls he's sociable, outgoing, and patient. PLUS he has experience befriending machines because of data. hugh actually reminded me of data in some ways because of his general lack of understanding re: humanity but - and this is critical to me - HE IS HUMAN

like, i feel like the episode didn't quite nail the point home hard enough possibly because they were afraid of the implications but the cold hard truth of the matter is that each and every person on the borg cube IS A PERSON. they have been assimilated, but we've twice now seen that it's possible to unassimilate them with only a few days of effort. picard (and guinan!) consider the entire collective their enemy but the collective is comprised of brainwashed prisoners. those fucked up little borg babies they found in the cube were assimilated as INFANTS - i assume they weren't born on the cube bc if the borg could reproduce on its own it wouldn't need to assimilate - but even if they were born on the cube, they had no choice but to be this. you know.

which is whyyyy it's so fucked picard was like yeah give hugh some digital poison let him carry it back to his cube and we'll kill them like ants <3 like, oh my god his lingering borg trauma or whatever. MWAH. when he told deanna he didn't wanna talk. when he and guinan had to trauma-bond while fencing. when he told geordi that he needed to unattach himself because it was nothing more than animal experimentation. STONE FUCKING COLD BY THE WAY. he is fighting in the war on animal experimentation on the side of animal experimentation. he was going to let his cre heal and feed that kid and then send him back laced with poison. diabolical <3

and, of course, when he didn't want to speak or associate that borg kid at all because that's who he used to be AND WHO HE STILL IS in some corner of his brain (!!!)

LIKE. WHEN HE WAS FINALLY CONVINCED TO INTERROGATE THIS KID. and IMMEDIATELY broke out the locutus voice. he still remembered all the protocol! the way of speaking! everything! i was so shocked and thrilled.

i love also how everyone who spoke to hugh came away extremely unsettled but also totally convinced of his humanity. even guinan, which was so fun, because she was even more anti-borg than picard at first and they were bonding over trauma and fantasy racism. that bit where hugh, who had only known about the concept of loneliness for like an hour, immediately pegged her as lonely after like three lines of dialogue. oh my GOD???

i was decently satisfied with the ending - obviously they couldn't send him back with poison nor could they protect him from the borg, but i wish they had informed him of the inevitable memory wipe before he made his choice. (a selfless choice! he loves geordi!!) still i think he mostly walked into it with eyes open. very sad but very proud of him.

my one tiny nitpick with this episode is that for all beverly's genuine and justified concern about hugh, i don't think theyre ever gonna address the fact that she shot and possibly killed some of the borg in the episode where picard got assimilated. i feel like after realizing they are all people, like hugh, she should also realize she's broken the hippocratic oath, and have a little crisis about it. i have no idea why we had the DOCTOR shooting and killing anybody but let alone if we aren't gonna get into that. i don't think anyone cares/cared except me though.

but tbh, for me this is one of the main draws of the borg. they're ALL brainwashed cyber-assassins and they're ALL prisoners and in theory ALL of them could be saved if only they would stop attacking first. sure, yeah, in fights you gotta do what you gotta do because your own life has gotta come first, but the unique scifi horror aspect of all of those guys being perfectly innocent people fucks and they should utilize it a little more!!!

NEXT TIME: "the next phase" and "the inner light."

#personal #star trek blogging #tng lb

[hellisheavenwithyou]

writeblr intro

hi all :) my name’s melina or mel (she/her), and i live in adelaide, australia. i’ve been getting back into writing these past months in the hopes of continuing towards my dream of publishing a novel. however i am currently earning a masters in counselling, so my time is torn between that and writing. i am hoping to keep up my motivation by interacting with other fellow readers and writers on this blog :)

i’m currently working on an original modern fantasy wip alongside my fanfics. i’m a huge killing eve fan so have a fanfic for that show in the works. i’m in the process of drafting a stranger things fanfic also. additionally, i get a lot of writing inspiration (and just inspiration in general) from taylor swift. as jake peralta once said, “she makes me feel things.”

reading was my escape as a child, and continues to be my escape when life becomes a bit too much. i hope one day my writing can become someone’s else’s welcomed escape when they need it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WIP intro

the demon's devotion

summary

Every small town has a secret. Every person who lives in a small town has a secret. Everyone likes to pretend these secrets don’t exist. However, these secrets emerge sooner or later, whether people want them to or not...

In a rural Australian town, Illiana can’t wait until the day she leaves her hometown. But when she unwillingly becomes involved in a mysterious disappearance and reappearance of an eighteen year old girl, leaving becomes the least of her concerns. Especially when there’s no evidence, the girl can’t remember a thing, and an enigmatic woman, Eris, begins appearing outside Illiana's window almost every night.

Illiana just wants to find out what happens so she can clear her name and return her focus to leaving her town. But then girls continue disappearing, and as Illiana finds herself being drawn more towards Eris, she becomes increasingly drawn to her hometown's past, too, and finds she might be more connected to these disappearances than she thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

that’s me! i’ll drop my fan twitter and ao3 below as an extra intro. leave a comment if you're into any of the things i've mentioned here, i'd love to make some friends here. i look forward to getting to know the writeblr community on here more :)

ao3: | twitter

#writing #writing blog #creative writing #writeblr #writing community #writer #fanfic #ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #authors #readers #fanfic writer #fiction #writing intro #writeblr intro #killing eve fanfic #stranger things fanfic #killing eve #stranger things #writerscommunity #writers on tumblr #writer intro #writer introduction #new writer #wip intro #wip #urban fantasy #current wip #ao3 writer #ao3

[minefield-of-a-ninja]

Summary: Jenny isn’t comfortable being vulnerable, but Beau has a way with words.

Characters: Jenny Hoyt x Beau Arlen, Deputy Mo Poppernak

Warnings/tags: explicit, dirty talk, Beau never shuts up, ever

Words: 1300

Author’s notes: We don’t know why Beau goes to counseling, so I’m pretending that it’s something to do with whatever was in his record that he claimed some people may not like.

This will be a collection of random glimpses into falling in love, trusting someone with more than just your body, and finding comfort in intimacy.

Many thanks and all my love to @brrose-apothecary and @stunudo for pre-reads and pom poms and being my friends.

Jenny’s always felt as though she’s a spectator to her own life, a casual observer of her father walking out the door, a bystander to her mother’s corruption,  and the last to know about Cody’s infidelity. It all played out without her engagement or consent.

Maybe that’s why she throws herself into her work.

Sheriff Tubb isn’t an easy man to impress, but he respects her and has been an incredible mentor. When he was shot in the line of duty, she assumed she would fill in for him as undersheriff while he recovered. Instead, he called in a semi-retired Texas deputy with a history of bad behavior.

Saying that Jenny was “red-assed” over an outsider with a record of suspensions taking her rightful place was a bit of an understatement.

Of course, Jenny pulled his file. He opened the door for anybody to look, after all. Turns out Beau Arlen knows quite a bit about drug cartels as well as human trafficking. Some of his most admirable work has been wrapped up in the two while breaking rules and defying authority.

Jenny isn’t the most by-the-book deputy herself, but she kept her guard up with Beau from the beginning and prepped for a cold war.  

“How you wanna do this, darlin’?”

“Darling?!”

Now, Beau looks up at her smugly from his office chair, steadily tapping the insides of her Louboutins with his dusty cowboy boots and murmuring that contentious nickname followed by a barrage of filth that turns Jenny’s skin hot pink and makes her wet between her legs.

She shifts against the edge of his desk where she’s entirely too exposed to his antics.

“I... should get back to my desk,” she tries to sneak away, realizing too late that her knees are already weak.

Beau snags the corner of his bottom lip with his teeth, pitches forward, and hooks a finger through one of her belt loops to easily drags her into his lap.

Jenny squeaks like a toy in the jaws of a puppy. “Someone could walk in any second,” she playfully protests, her palms against his warm, broad chest.

Beau chuckles, wrapping an arm around her middle and tucking one hand up into her hair. He tilts her head and surveys the length of her throat before dipping in to press his lips to her skin.

“Does that turn ya on?” His words graze the shell of her ear as he speaks. “To think about somebody walkin’ in on us? That they’d know just how much you like my hands on you and how easy you are for me.”

Ninety-nine percent of the time, Jenny imagines herself like a vault, impenetrable and imperturbable. Beau and his litany of anecdotes have been chipping away at that percentage for months, though, especially since he added the kinds of things that make her clothes itchy.

“Beau,” she gasps as his lips and thumb brush her throat. His fingers slowly wrap the column and she can’t catch her breath.

“Unbuckle your belt,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper. “I like it when you do it for me.”

Jenny sighs and rests her temple on his shoulder, pulling the leather tip of her belt from the heavy buckle. His breath is steady and the heat from his body, his hand around her throat and his arm around her waist, make her feel safe where she shouldn’t.

The bustle of the precinct whirls outside his closed door as she finishes her task then opens the brass button of her jeans.

“Good girl,” he says, nibbling along her jaw. “Zipper, too.”

Jenny shudders as his soft and easy tone utters praise and demands. Her bottom lip should be bloody with worry at how hard she’s biting it. She obeys and Beau’s hand slides from her neck to her open jeans.

“What should I do to you today, huh?” he asks as they both watch his fingers trace the edge of her plain black satin panties.

“Just…” Jenny arches her back, throwing one knee over the arm of his chair, and spreading her legs with an impatient grunt.

The sheriff responds with a gravelly chuckle. “Greedy, greedy, greedy.” He relents, slipping his hand under the fabric with a hiss.

“So slick, baby,” he taunts, watching her squirm. He thumbs alongside her clit as he barely notches two fingertips inside her. “Should I let you come now, or rile ya up so you walk around the station wet and wantin’ my dick?”

“God,” Jenny groans, burying her face in his neck and bucks into his hand, forcing his fingers deeper. Her cunt squelches and sucks like an entity of its own, but she’s never felt more in tune with her body in her life the way she is with Beau.  

“Yeah, you wanna come now,” he answers his own question, turning his head to press a kiss to her forehead. They both watch his fingers disappear inside her.

“Beau,” she whispers, reaching up to sink her fingers into his soft, thick hair. She twists and tugs, hoping to make him swear.

“Fuck,” he huffs a quiet laugh. “Maybe you really do want ‘em all knowin’ I’m two knuckles’ deep in your pussy.”

He turns her head to claim her mouth with his. Their lips twist, hot and slow and deep, his wet tongue teases and swipes. He sucks on her bottom lip until she’s panting.

“So you’re really never gonna date another cop?”

“Would it break your heart?”

“You wish.”

The way he looked at her that day made her stomach flip. Jenny had slowly fallen in love with his corny cowboy wisdom, his stories about his daughter, the way he assesses a crime scene out loud just as she puts it all together in her own mind — and, now, to hear him say the things that are for her ears only.

Jenny grips his wrist, convulsing. “I’m-” she groans, and Beau chuckles quietly.

“Shh.” He kisses her as she comes, squeezing his fingers and whimpering.

Jenny returns to reality, slumped in Beau’s lap, head lazy against his shoulder as he licks and sucks his fingers clean. He gently releases his hold around her waist and strokes her denim-clad thigh.

“We got a one o’clock, Hoyt. Get yourself together.” He grunts teasingly, shifting in his chair and letting her up.

She shakes her hair out of her face, tucks her t-shirt in, and refastens her pants. Just as she’s finishing the buckle on her belt, there’s a knock on the door and a jiggle of the knob.

Her heart races and her wild eyes shoot to Beau.

“Just a minute,” he calls, unfolding from his chair and very obviously adjusting his erection as he tosses her a wink.

Jenny huffs and rolls her eyes as Beau opens the door to a baffled Poppernak. 

“Huh.” Beau plays dumb, making a show of examining the lock. “Must’ve locked itself!”

Deputy Poppernak wanders inside, eying Jenny’s flushed cheeks and messier than normal hair. Then his eyes go wide.

Jenny plants her hands on her hips and narrows her own eyes, sending him a silent message to shut the fuck up and don’t you dare or I will kill you.

“Whatcha got, Popsocket?” Beau asks, slicing between Jenny’s death stare and Poppernak’s signature deer-in-headlights impression. He waltzes from the door back to the scene of the crime and proudly takes a seat.

Jenny is torn between hysterical laughter at the batshit absurdity of the situation and running from the deputy’s prying gaze. Instead, she draws a breath and clears her throat

“You were going to phone the neighbors?” She throws Poppernak a bone.

“Uhh... yeah. Neighbors,” Poppernak mutters, blinking down at his notes before hesitantly reporting his findings to his partner and his boss.

Jenny ticks her  impatient gaze to Beau long enough to catch his predictably self-satisfied smirk. She bites into her bottom lip to keep from giggling as a blush creeps across her cheeks and she settles back against the edge of the mahogany desk.

#jenny hoyt fic #beau arlen fic #big sky fic #jenny x beau #jenny x beau fic

[jess-moloney]

I don't see what all the hate is about. You've said a million times that this blog is your opinion, and people can take what they want from it or ignore it. It's not like you're posting things directly to Jess, tagging or messaging her actual page. Unlike the stans, who do insanely creepy things like make AI pregnancy photos of her and tag her in them. I feel like that's way worse than having a blog of opinions that she probably doesn't even know about. Even if she does know about it, if none of it's true like the stans say, then she probably doesn't care and doesn't pay it any attention to it. 

Onto better things, I'm so stoked for Jamie's new band! 

-♤

First off, other than the fact that I lead with the statement that a lot of this is my opinion when something is factual I provide a source.

Like how Jess is openly supportive of a domestic violence charity that was investigated for taxpayer fraud:

->Source<-

Is it possible she doesn't know this happened? Sure let's go with that, wouldn't it have benefitted her to research any of this before choosing to align herself with that charity? Yet she keeps on sharing their stories and she even got a certificate from them which ultimately qualifies her to do nothing.

Sorry, what it qualifies her to do is stuff like, drive people to appointments, and she's required to volunteer for them for at least one year, and also she can answer their hotline to direct people to a professional. Does it make her a counselor? Absolutely not. The certificate was acquired over a weekend and it's meaningless in way of "counseling". All of this is just a fact. I didn't make it up.

Or how about the scandal of plagiarism while she was working for Vivienne Westwood?

->Source<-

Sorry, that's just a thing that happened. I didn't make that up. Or how about that interview about how to be a party girl that absolutely glamourizes the shit out of basically being a snobby alcoholic?

->Source<-

That's a real interview that she really did. I didn't make that up either. Or the interview where she blatantly admitted she didn't go to school for the job she does? She said that, not me. How about the "food diary" on her "fitness blog" that advocates an extremely disordered diet for someone who is also in training for marathons? She wrote that. Not me.

What about the entire BEATS REWIND interview where every story seems to contradict the one before it? Where she openly admits she had no idea what she was doing when she met Renell and offered to represent her she just wanted to make money? Her extremely vague and implausible explanation for meeting and being "best friends" with MGK which there's no proof of other than she said it happened?

I covered this interview extensively in this post and this post and I'm not making up anything she said in it. You can go watch it yourself. Why don't any of her stans have anything to say about this?

None of this is my opinion these are things that happened. Am I adding my opinion to them? Yes. Can I change the fact that Jess really did and said these things and they are factual? No. It's not as if I'm sitting here saying random things or having opinions based on nothing other than I just don't like her. I'm saying this stuff because there are reasons to say it. There are words that came out of Jess's own mouth. There are interviews and articles and her entire Instagram account. People want to act like this doesn't build a history for her, a reputation, or establish a pattern of behaviour but it does. My blog isn't just opinions on nothing, it's opinions on factual observations.

Yes, there are the theories, there are the things I can't prove, but I've always been very clear about that as well. People are getting upset that Jess really is a terrible person who has said and done some terrible things and someone else is questioning it. If they don't like this reality where Jess is this way then they need to take it up with Jess because I didn't make her do any of this stuff.

At the end of the day, it is not my job to run a disclaimer on every single sentence I write to tell people:

This is an opinion, this is a fact, this is hyperbole, this is a theory.

This blog is optional to read. This blog can easily be blocked from anyone's feed by using the block button. This blog is not mandatory. This blog isn't for Jess or to "protect" Jamie. This blog is for people to discuss facts, have opinions, and not be attacked to hell and back for having them.

Feelings people should legitimately have over things Jess has actually said and done. I don't know why they can't just admit that these things are bad and that people are going to talk about them and going to have feelings about them but they can't. It's absolutely fucking bizarre that these stans can't look at these objectively sketchy (and in some cases horrible) things and be like "Oh yeah, she is really shady". Instead, they bury their heads in the sand and find some way to justify it. They want to shoot the messenger instead of dethroning the awful queen.

#jess moloney #jamie campbell bower #jamie bower #mail #apologies for the long reply

[itlivesproject]

Okay so my thoughts and questions on chapter 18:

SPOILERS AHEAD!

OH MY GOD, ONE OF MY FAVOURITE CHAPTERS YET, "CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIIIIIIIIIGHT?" It was so good, you guys have done amazingly!

I just had a quick question about Connor. So when we told the group about Rowan being a Power freak, Connor was understandably upset, but then he said that stuff about Rowan not being Amalia's real friend and I just wanted to know, was he on his way to becoming a Horror at this point, just because that seemed really cold and cruel on his part. On one hand, I know that when people are upset and angry they say things they don't always mean, trust me, your hearing from a girl who has said some pretty nasty things when she's upset. And he is probably still on edge from his mothers death. But on the other hand, all the other characters handle the news surprisingly well despite what the Power has done to them, even Noah. And I get people process things in different ways but I feel like for a guy like Connor, who literally let the boy who tried to kill his sister and her friends, stay at his house, he would have been a bit more forgiving. So was he already turning into a Horror by Rowan's confession?

I loved the scenes with everyone taking care of newly resurrected Devon. The reason I loved it so much is because during ilitw's, Devon pretty much spent their entire time looking after everybody else, making sure everybody was alright, while not being treated with the same courtesy (like their friends didn't even speak at their memorial and they were already dead, like come on!) So it was really nice to see them being looked after especially in the state their in.

That scene with Noah comforting Devon was just *chefs kiss* like it was the cutest frikin thing I've ever seen (my ilitw's MC is romancing Noah so this is like a dream come true to me, so thank you❤)

I love how everyone's calling Noah out on his undying love for Devon, it was one of the funniest things I read, like Jocelyn has no shame.

I'm romancing Abel, and that scene were he comes out to comfort us was beautiful. Also all that stuff he said about us being allowed to feel upset and angry about Amalia leaving really got to me, because in a situation like that, you would literally not be allowed to feel that way because you know people will think your being selfish, even though your inclined to feel that way, so thank you for that.

I honestly love Noah and Rowan's relationship because they have both lost a sibling, they've both lost their family's, so they have sort of become like each other's siblings, each other's family. Also I love how he gave Rowan Dan's number so that they can get some counselling if they need it, that's some worried, protective older brother shit right there.

I chose to take the counselling. As someone who has been seeing a psychologist for a few years now, I highly value counselling and recommend it to people who I see are struggling. So thank you for that.

Well done on yet another emotional chapter your guys, take care and take it easy😁

Thank you! And yes, Connor snapping at you is foreshadowing.

#bookqueen1755 #ask #mod shionch #playchoices

[theangelofthedesert]

Can't Think Straight ~Pt. 1~

I always thought of myself as a normal person. Just a regular 17-year-old girl going to school and trying not to fuck up her life. A girl with a few-but good friends, good grades, excellent parents, and an awesome boyfriend. Like I said, I always thought I was normal, just like anyone else. But…There’s this thing, this…feeling, like there’s something wrong. Most of the time I choose to ignore it, as long as I can move on with my day as usual.

Everything was going according to my schedule: Wake up. Take a shower. Have breakfast with my family. Go to school. Do homework with my friends and finally, hang out with my boyfriend. Until the point where I saw a moving truck parked in the garage of the house next to mine, which normally isn’t something weird but…

“Oh, new neighbors!” said  my boyfriend, Matt. “We should go say hi, Annie.” The thing about this town is that it’s so small, every time someone new moves in everyone finds out and tries to investigate every little detail about them, which leads to gossip around the town. Only a few families that have lived here for generations are the ones that still stay in Murkwell Valley for the rest of their life. That was the case of my family. The Watsons have lived in this town for 10 generations and the current Watsons have no intentions of leaving. My parents: Robert and Galena Watson, had dated since high school and, according to them, always thought of getting married once Dad finished college. By the time they were my age, they had already planned their whole future together; and they always make it a point to remind me that I should do the same.

Me? I don’t even know what to study in college, how the heck am I supposed to think about getting married right now? I don’t know if Matt is planning for us to have a future together either. Dad always talks about the way Mom looked the first time he saw her: long dark-brown hair, hazel eyes, and a beautiful smile. He says he just knew he had to marry her. Mom remembers Dad as a tall, black haired bad-boy with gray eyes and that it was love at first sight. Dad says I look just like Mom, but with some of his facial features. My sister, on the other hand, looks exactly like Dad, and my brother looks like Mom. I’m more like a combination of the two of them. That being said, Matt and I have only dated for like 3 months and my parents act like he is the one who will carry me to the altar.

“Ok, let’s go just to say hi, then we can go home.” I said, a little tired. I just wanted to go to sleep after the hard day I had at school with all the preparations for the school’s Pride Dance for the anniversary of its founder, and college counseling to help with choosing the right major; but Matt was too nice to just ignore the new people next door. We started walking towards the truck, when we saw a fluffy dog running in our direction trying to get away from its owner. 

I kneeled and grabbed the runaway dog. As I was trying to look for its tag among all the fur, a girl’s voice caught my attention.

“Hey! That’s my dog!” When I turned to look at her, I went into shock. The girl looked my age but had bobbed, curly, colorful hair, with the right side shaved off. She also had a little piercing on her nose, sky-blue eyes and pale skin. The word that came to my mind was “beautiful”. I had never seen a person that looked like that in this town, since everyone is VERY catholic, we're usually not allowed to dye our hair or pierce our skin. She looked so cool. “Sorry, I was returning from a walk to calm his energy, but it seems he needed a longer walk”

“Oh, don’t worry, I was just catching him for you” I said as I laughed awkwardly and scratched my head. “That’s a beautiful dog,” I added. For someone who is leader of the welcome committee at school, I suck at social interactions with new people, but since I pretty much already know everyone here, I don’t have the necessity of introducing myself that often.

She smiled at me and then looked at the dog. “Yeah, he is pretty cute. It’s a Finnish Spitz, aka a domestic fox,” She laughed “The downside to the breed is its energy.” Once the dog was secured with its leash, she got up and waved at us. “Hi! You must be our neighbors” The girl extended her hand at me. “I’m Minerva, but my friends call me Mina!” She smiled as I grabbed her hand. “And you are…?” She’s so formal.

“Oh! My name is Annabelle, but I go by Annie” Her eyes looked so deep, yet so soft as they gazed back at me. A strange thought came to my mind, but quickly disappeared when Matt shook her hand.

“I’m Matt, Annie’s boyfriend.” Her smile dropped for a second, but came back again as she looked at me. What was that about? “Welcome to Murkwell Valley, Mina.” 

“Thanks for the welcome. It’s nice to know the neighbors are friendly” She kept her eyes on me with a big smile. “And thank you, for catching my dog, I owe you one.”

“Oh, I was just worried that it would run onto the street and get hit or something, you don’t owe me anything” I said, while playing nervously with the edge of my sweater sleeves. She then continued to insist, saying her conscience wouldn’t allow the savior of her ‘precious baby’ go unrewarded. “Ok then, you can pay me back by coming for dinner at my house.” I suggested, but quickly added “-you can bring your family, of course. That way our parents can meet and talk before the other neighbors organize a welcome party and make things awkward by asking a bunch of questions” Her face lit up and nodded. “Great! Dinner at eight, hope you can make it.”

“I’ll tell my parents right away. See you later, Annie.” For some reason, the way she said my name left me feeling weird, as I saw her jump back to her house being followed by her dog. Well, that interaction didn’t go as badly as I imagined. Maybe there’s hope for my awkwardness after all. I’m actually glad we ran into each other, and I hope to get to know more about her…

“What a sweet girl, I hope you can make friends with her!” Matt brought me back from whatever I was thinking, into reality. I shook my head to clear my mind and looked at him. “What happened? You spaced out for a second there.”

“Sorry, I must be mentally beat after today. Volunteering to help Ms. Matisse grade papers was seriously a terrible idea” Matt giggled as he took my hand and walked me back to my house. “You can come to dinner too if you want, babe.” I said hopefully.

“Ehm… I think I’ll pass. The boys invited me to a pre-game party to prepare for this year’s Battle of Murkwell Valley High. Lots of schools from different towns are coming to challenge the current winning team. Us. I even heard a school from the big city is coming.” The big city was actually the state’s capital, Kingsham, but we in the town call it that because there’s only small towns around it and no other city. Matt left a kiss on my forehead and smiled, “Besides, you can start getting to know your new neighbor. You have been a little sad since Holly went to see her mom for the holidays.” I appreciated Matt’s attempt of making me feel better, but I had forgotten Holly left since I had too many things to do, and meeting Mina just now had also cleared my mind of any thoughts. Matt wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me in for a kiss. As our lips touched, all the weird thoughts in my mind cleared out, except for one, preventing me from totally enjoying my boyfriend’s embrace.

“Ok, I’ll try to be her friend.” I said with a big sigh because I knew he wouldn’t let the situation go until I caved in. “I love you, babe.” He let out a nervous laugh, probably because he still wasn’t ready to say it back, even when he said it was fine that I said it first.

“I… should go. Gotta help mom with some things before I go to the meeting” I thought it was a party? Whatever, I’m not gonna say anything. He let go of his embrace and quickly grabbed his thing and left. I stood outside the door until I saw Matt leave the street of my house, then I went back in, just to find my parents in the living room watching a movie. I went past them, leaving a kiss on their cheeks and walking towards the kitchen, where my food was in the fridge, waiting for me to reheat it since I got out of school late.

Once I was done washing my plate, I stayed in the living room, chatting with my parents about school and other stuff for a few hours. They asked if Matt had already invited me to the dance, to which I said yes, knowing full well that he didn’t want to come in the first place because he thought it was boring and a waste of time, even though he was aware I was one of the people organizing the damn thing. Nevertheless, I felt that if I said anything he wouldn’t pay attention, like he does when I try to tell him how I feel. 

Later in the day I went upstairs to get ready for dinner. I told my mom as I was going up that I invited the new neighbors over to get to know them, she didn’t seem to mind and started to cook dinner for more people. Gotta love her ability to adapt to a change of plans. On my way to my room, I said ‘Hi’ to my brother, who had his door open and just waved at me; and to my sister, who only responded by closing her door. 

When I was in my room, I quickly took a shower and started to look in my closet for possible options to wear tonight. I narrowed it down to two dresses. One was pink with white flowers on it, the other one was red with black details at the bottom. I decided the pink one was too girly, so I grabbed the red dress and got changed.

As I was putting on a red bra, I noticed the window in the house next to mine had the lights turned on. When I took a closer look, I realized it was Minerva’s room, since I could see the jacket she was wearing today hanging by the door. My face suddenly turned red at the thought of that girl watching me change. I dressed as fast as I could, then I went to see if she was in her room, but Mina wasn’t there.

Since I was already dressed for dinner, I just sat down next to the window while I analyzed the things I saw in her room. There was a shelf with a lot of books, some boxes with the labels “make up” and “winter clothes”, her bed with blue sheets and her laptop on top of it. Multiple band posters were already up on the walls and some weird plushies adorned her desk. She clearly had a busy morning setting up her room. I also saw her dog’s bed in the corner with the word “Zero” stitched to the front, but as I was looking at it, the door opened. Her dog walked in like it owned the place, then Mina walked in wearing just a towel around her body and another on her hair. My face lit up red again, making me throw myself to the ground so she couldn’t see me. 

Once the awkwardness went away, I decided to take a quick look, just to see if she’d noticed me on the window. I slowly raised my head, hoping she didn’t notice how creepy I was being, just to find her looking at dresses like I was doing moments ago. That’s when I realized she was just as nervous as me to have dinner tonight, even if it was with our whole family. I figured making friends was probably difficult for her. Mina looked just as nice as she was this afternoon, the only thing different was the fact that she was still wearing only a towel. Just as that thought crossed my mind, she turned her head around towards the window, forcing me to close the drapes in panic. I don’t know if she saw me or not, but I wouldn’t blame her if she changed her mind about coming to dinner…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is gonna be a long story that I hope I can continue to update and not leave unfinished like all of my other works lmao With the help of a dear friend serving as my editor, I'll make sure to write a few chapters in advance to keep posting regularly <3

#original story #my ocs #wip #writers on tumblr #lgbtq #queer characters #self discovery

[willkimurashat]

First Impressions Don’t Have to Decide Everything, Right?

Hello my friends! So, since we were robbed of the “meeting the parents” scene in this season, I kept thinking about how it would play out. This is a Will x MC fic and it’s got about 4k words (it's safe for work, so no worries;)

We all know Will’s got a very strong bond with their family and their parents have a great relationship, but what if MC’s parents aren’t a symbol of a perfection? What do they think about you being with Will? (lowkey basing it on how I think my own parents would react lol)

Also, just a note, this is, like, the first completed creative writing thing I did ever! I’m a counseling grad student, so I don’t get to write anything of the sort haha! So I hope it’s alright, but feel free to throw tomatoes at me lol

***

Okay, final note, I promise! So how I see it in my mind is that they’re meeting the parents via video call. First, the parents meet their child’s partner, then they meet their own child and debrief/discuss what they think of them, plus give any advice and stuff like that. Hopefully that makes sense!

***

Today is the day. The day when you finally get to meet the Kimura family. He’s told you so much about them; how his mom cut out food in fun little shapes for his lunch, how his dad told him Japanese fairy tales before bed, how they would all go to Tokyo, where Will discovered his love for street art for the first time. Not to mention how much he idolizes the relationship his parents have - true soulmates, never fighting, understanding each other without saying a word, always together, balancing each other out like yin and yang. They sound like such lovely people, how could you ever live up to that standard? Especially when your own family is quite the opposite. You know they love you and do everything for you, but there were so many little things that they never knew hurt you so deeply and so strongly. 

Sitting in the beach hut, waiting for the screen to turn on - the anticipation makes you nauseous. You’re good with adults, people like you, and parents usually do too, I mean, what’s not to like? You’re kind, you’re generous, you’re polite, smart, funny, but you just really want to make a good impression on Will’s family. Your mind also drifts to another room where Will is about to meet your parents and you don’t want to listen to the thoughts forming in your head, even though you can already predict what your family will say. You keep wiping the sweat on your hands on your thighs, when the monitor turns on and you see two people awkwardly looking at you at first, and then start waving their hands at you. A wide smile appears on your face and you wave back.

“Hi Mr. and Mrs. Kimura! It’s so nice to finally meet you!”

“Aw, it's our pleasure!” said Will’s mom, “Aw you’re such a beautiful girl, you and Will look so lovely together!”

“Thank you so much! Wearing a swimsuit definitely wouldn’t be my outfit of choice for meeting you guys, but it’s love island!” You all laugh and some sense of relief settles back in the room.

“You know, we can really tell that you make Will happy. We know our child well, plus we’ve been watching every episode and you really make him smile a lot, and you make him really nervous, and that doesn’t happen often. We just want to know if you’re serious about Will.” Will’s dad did not beat around the bush. But you weren’t just playing the game either. You came on the show to have fun and weren’t really expecting to fall for someone, and yet, here you are. 

A warm smile spreads on your face that already tells everything Will’s parents want to know, but you say it anyway, “Of course. I can definitely see a future with Will. I don’t care so much about winning this show at all, it was never really my goal, I just can’t wait to get out of the villa and spend time with Will doing something normal. We were just talking about it yesterday actually. We can’t wait to even do something so boring like going to the grocery store.” You all giggle again and you can tell they believe your feelings are real. You are great with parents - why were you doubting yourself in the first place?

“Ah lovely! Once you lot are out of there, you should come by and visit us for dinner.”

“I would really love that, Mrs. Kimura! I also can’t wait to see Will’s embarrassing baby photos.” You did it again, and even the more stoic father is fully laughing and you really hope they like you. 

“Oh we will prepare those immediately! Looks like our time is almost over, but we also just wanted to apologize on Will’s behalf for making you sleep outside on the daybed, when Dylan stirred that conflict between you two.” Your eyes widened as you weren’t expecting to hear Will’s mom say this, but it’s really sweet that she did. “That was very rude of Will, and don’t worry we’ll have a talk with them. I just hope you’re not angry with them, they always get up in their head too much and then they act like that. I assure you they didn’t mean to be that rude, they just can’t handle drama and conflicts and run away too quickly.”

“But we’re glad he stuck it out with you,”  Will’s father suddenly interrupted, “He really needed someone firm to show him how to stand up to obstacles and talk through conflicts and I think he’s really found that in you, MC.”

“I really appreciate you both saying that. I’m also really glad we talked it out together. Thank you! And I guess I will see you soon?”

“We will be waiting! Good luck and goodbye MC!”

And with that they hang up. You were feeling fully relaxed by the end of the conversation, but the thought of hearing your parents say what you know they’re going to say makes you anxious again. Twitching your leg and biting your lip, you await their call next. 

***

In a separate room with a screen, Will is waiting to meet your parents. You told him a little about them - they are not bad people and you love them and you love spending time with them, just like when you were a child, but, like most of the families, you don’t have such an idyllic relationship with them. They were strict, they loved you too much, but that means they were controlling, always telling you what to do and what not to do, criticizing imperfections, projecting their own insecurities and trying to help you “avoid the mistakes they’ve made”. You never really went that deep when you talked to anyone about your family, but you started opening up a little bit to Will.

He was sitting in the room, completely chill and almost expressionless, per usual, his gaze drifting off into the distance, so it was hard to tell what went through his mind. But the fact is, he was really nervous. And he wasn’t ready to meet your parents just yet, but then again, how would you even prepare for that? But he cared about what they’ll think of him because he cared so much about you and he knew it meant a lot for you. He didn’t have a strategy, he was going to be honest and he was going to be himself - the only things he knew how to be. That always works, right? 

The screen lit up and brought him back to reality - it was happening. 

Will started, “Hi! It’s so nice to meet you finally!”

“Hi Will! How are you?” They were just as polite and proper as MC had told him, which made it slightly awkward, but he didn’t mind.

“I am well, and yourself?”

“We’re good, thank you! So yeah, what do you think of our daughter?” MC’s dad went straight to the point, definitely more confident of the two, but Will could tell that they were both really nervous speaking to him just as he was speaking to them and smiled in response.

“MC is a lovely girl and she means so much to me. I love waking up next to her, it’s like waking up in a garden to a sunbeam on your face and feeling the flower scent everywhere around you.” Yep, Will was being himself.

“That’s cute!” MC’s mom said after she giggled. Her dad smiled too. There was a moment of awkward silence, so Will decided to keep going. After all, he wanted to try a little harder than usual to make a good impression because MC really did mean a lot to him.

“She’s a wonderful person too. She’s really the heart of the villa, always helping out friends, calling people out when they are out of line, mediating conflicts - I don’t know how she does it, but she’s really brought me out of my shell and makes me want to be better and do better. You should be really proud of her.” MC told him that her parents have insanely high standards and that it upsets them when she does not meet their expectations, so he really wanted them to see her the way he does and everyone else in the villa does.

“We are really proud of her. Always,” her dad said, already thinking of the next question for interrogation. “So we just, you know, don’t want her to get hurt, so we just don’t know if you’re being real? If your feelings are real?”

There it is. The question he knew he was going to get. 

“No, I understand. You care a lot about her. I do too. I really really like MC. I know I can be a bit all over the place, and I say weird things, and yeah, it took me some time to realize my feelings for her, but they are genuine. I’ve fallen for her.” Will did his signature one-shoulder-shrug and looked so calm on the outside that it was impossible to read him, but on the inside, his heart was about to jump out of his throat. 

“Good, good,” MC’s father continued, mom quietly smiling. “Because, you know, these are all pretty words, but we just wanted to make sure. And it’s hard to tell on TV, you know?”

“Yeah, totally, I get it,” Will said while nodding. He knew he came off as a bit of a weirdo, but he also had no idea how it all looked on telly.

“Oh well, I guess it’s time for us to go. It was nice to meet you, Will,” MC’s dad smiled into the camera.

“Yes, nice to meet you!” her mom cheered.

“Likewise. I hope to see you again!” Will said and they signed off. Thoughts started racing in his head and he had no idea how her parents felt about him. But he was relieved it was over.

Before he could make sense of the situation, two familiar faces popped up on screen.

“Mom! Dad!” He was taken by surprise and felt so happy to see his parents for a change.

“Will! We missed you so much, love!” Both his parents smiled widely on the screen.

“Did you talk to MC already? What did you think of her?” He was trying to calm himself down, but was too excited to find out their opinion, not even noticing the silly grin on his face.

“Oh she is just the sweetest! Absolutely gorgeous girl, and just as kind,” his mom cooed, while his face started to blush with happiness and excitement.

“Yes, I agree, she is as wonderful as we thought she would be. You two make a lovely couple, even reminded me of us a little,” Will’s dad said with kindness in his eyes, while Will’s eyes grew wider.

He giggled, “I knew you guys would like her,” shrug, “she just brings me joy and makes me happy.”

“Oh we can definitely tell, hun. We know when you’re in love.” Will started blushing even more and looked down as his mom said the ‘L’ word.

“But we promised MC we’d talk to you about your behavior. The poor girl did not deserve to sleep on the daybeds, she went through a lot that day and did not need it from you too,” his dad said rather sternly.

“I know, I deserve that. I was a complete fool. I let emotions get the best of me. But we worked it out though," Will was speaking with his head ashamedly hanging low, only managing to look up in the end.

“We’re so proud of you Will!” his mom started again, “we really wanted it to work for you two and we hope it will in the future. You know, we were rooting for you and MC since the first time you coupled up.”

“Oh yeah?” Will was wondering.

Their mom was trying to explain, “Yeah, because although the other girls were lovely and beautiful, it was clear that they only liked your pretty face or the idea of you.”

“But MC truly likes you for who you are. And that is rare. You better hold on to that,” their dad interrupted half-jokingly.

“Alright, alright you two! I know I’m difficult,” Will rolled their eyes, “but I think I do really love her.” He even surprised himself by saying these words out loud for the first time, but he knew that’s exactly what he felt for MC.

“Alright, I think we need to go, love. Take care and have fun!” 

They all waved to each other and signed off. The heartwarming call from his parents was exactly what Will needed that day. They always know what to say and help him think clearly. He was also just ecstatic knowing they liked MC as much as he did, and that meant a lot to Will. 

***

As much as you dreaded the call, it was inevitable and a moment later the screen turned on again and you smiled at the sight of your parents looking at you.

“Hey!” You were excited to see them; you did miss them, and felt a little tear forming in the corner of your eye.

“Hello honey!” Your mom said cheerfully and it was clear they missed you too. “How are you? Are you eating alright? And are you being careful in the sun? Remember how I got that terrible sunburn at your graduation?”

“Yes, of course I remember mom, that’s why I have ten bottles of sunscreen with me,” You tilted your head to the right and laughed it off. “But what did you guys think of Will?” You tried so hard to hide the grin, but you were too excited and too nervous at the same time.

“Well, he is very handsome for sure,” your mom laughed and you joined her.

“I know, right?”

“How much do you like him though?” Dad tried to keep it grounded and you could already tell he’s not really on board.

“A lot,” you said, feeling yourself get defensive at your dad.

“I just feel like he might hurt you and I don’t know if he’s just playing the game or not.”

“Dad, I can manage myself. We’re really happy together, don’t worry.” the words came out colder than you intended them.

“It’s just if I were you, I wouldn’t get too attached and just be careful. Because he can tell you all sorts of pretty words, but at the end of the day, they don’t mean much if he leaves you for someone else.” You can tell that mom is trying to stop him from saying something he’ll regret, but you know that she agrees with him too. Your brows furrow and you can feel the lump form in your throat. No, you’re not going to allow them to put the seed of doubt in your head. 

You drop your head, looking at your lap and try to steady your voice, “So you don’t like Will.”

“Well, I’m sure he’s a nice person, but I don’t know if it’s safe to trust people like him because one day they want you and the next they need a new muse, and we just don’t want you to get hurt and heartbroken, so just be careful, okay?” You know that your dad means well, as he always does, but you can’t help feeling hurt by his words.

How could he say such hateful and stereotypical things! You thought, why can’t he just be happy that I’m happy? Why does he always have to tell me what to do? Why is he always trying to find something wrong? Maybe I just want to live in the moment and if I do get heartbroken I can learn from my own mistakes! But you also couldn’t stop wondering if they knew something you didn’t, if there was something you weren’t seeing, if the rose-colored glasses were attached so strongly that you couldn’t see past them. 

You were fighting the urge to argue back, to spill out your feelings, to defend Will and your relationship with them, but you knew it would be pointless. And not the wisest thing to do in front of the cameras. Biting your tongue, you didn’t realize that the awkward, tense silence went on for longer than it should have.

In an attempt to smooth out the conversation, your mom finally spoke, giving your dad a side eye, “Of course it’s your life, MC. You do you, honey. Anyway, I think our time’s up. We were glad to see you, MC! Love you!”

“Okay, love you too.” You hang up, visibly upset. Unable to hold it anymore, you cover your face and rub at your eyes hoping the tears would stop. You just knew that that’s exactly what they would say and you dreaded the call for this reason. It’s never a nice feeling when your family doesn’t approve of the person you want to build your future with. And now you were dreading walking out of the beach hut and having to face Will.

***

Well, you can’t hide in the beach hut for the whole day and you sniff and wipe your eyes as you close the door behind you. You head out to the bathroom to calm yourself down, but as you turn, you see Will in the hallway. He smiles sweetly as you shriek in surprise.

“Hey you! I’ve been looking for you…” before he can finish, his face drops at the sight of your watery eyes and he envelops you in his arms, his body warm and comforting. “What’s happened?”

“Nothing.”

“You know you can tell me anything. But you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“It’s just my parents being my parents.” You sniff loudly.

“Want to go sit down for a bit?” You nod into his chest and he leads you to the bedroom, where you snuggle close to him. With your head on his chest, you lay in silence, trying to calm down. He wraps his arms around you and gently strokes your back, which works wonders for you. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Thabi walk by, but before she approaches you, Will waves her off with his free hand and mouths “I got it.”

As you manage to calm down a bit, Will finally asks, “Everything alright?”

You sigh and say “Your parents are so lovely, just like you described them. Your mom already invited us to dinner.” You both chuckle.

 “Of course she did.”

“Did they say anything about me?”

“Oh they absolutely loved you. Well done babes. I didn’t worry about that for a second. I mean, how could they not have? How could anyone not love you?”

“Oh shut up, you,” you said jokingly as you felt your cheeks get rosy.

“Oh, and they scolded me for being a prick and making you sleep on the daybeds, which I totally deserve.”

“They said they would and you do deserve that.” You laugh again and stay silent for a few minutes.

Then, Will breaks the silence, “Your parents are really nice too though. They care a lot about you, I could tell.” MC didn’t say anything, but Will wasn’t stupid - he knew they didn’t really like him. He knew. “They worry about you a lot too and that’s fair, they have a reason to be.” You lift your head slightly, giving him a concerned look, worrying that he might say something that would confirm your parents’ fears. 

He continues, “I dumped you in the beginning to pursue Thabi. I’m spacey and have commitment issues. I was basically coupled up with half the villa. I said on national telly that I slept with two people in the same day. Also might’ve mentioned that I get into open relationships sometimes. I made you sleep on the daybeds and ran off like a proper knob. Parents usually don’t like that kind of stuff.”

“But most of these things are just you being you,” you finally said back to him, relieved that it was just Will being self-aware, and no new surprises for you.

“Well, you know that, but I probably look like a walking red flag from the side.”

“No, don’t say that,” you interrupt him right away, although you can’t deny you’ve thought about that before. And you didn’t want him to feed into the doubts your parents planted in your head. “Okay, maybe it can come off like that, but I know you, and you’re not a ‘walking red flag’, Will.” And you believed what you said; you knew he was kind, caring, honest, even if sometimes he made stupid mistakes, but everyone makes mistakes.

 “What I’m trying to say is that I don’t blame your parents for hating me.” Will’s words took you by surprise and you looked up at his serene face as he smiled warmly back at you. “Maybe these are just words to you, but I really do mean it when I say that I see a future for us. I don’t want to be coupled up with anyone else, I’m happy to be with you, by your side. I don’t want us to sleep apart ever again, I want to wake up to the warmth of your sleepy face every morning. You show me how to be a better person and you inspire me. I found my muse in you. And I want to only be with you because you’re all and everything that I need and I love you.”

You feel your smile returning and lock your eyes with Will. Maybe they are just words after all, but you know that if there is one thing that he always is - it’s honest, and you believe him. And you just know, from the way they make you breakfast, from the way they stood up for you to Dylan, from the way they’re always there to hold your hand, from the way they’ve changed so much and try to be better for you, and from the way you feel their heart beating so fast right now, that Will’s feelings are genuine. 

“You don’t have to say it back, no pressure,” he shrugs and blushes.

“I love you too.” You beam at each other and gently press your lips together as he squeezes you tighter. It’s not a lusty kiss and it’s not awkward, it’s rather comforting. And it warms your soul.

You break away and you can tell there’s something else he wants to say.

“I’m usually not bothered by what others think of me. I just try to live my life being true to myself, that’s more important to me, you know?” He shrugs again and you nod, while softly smiling at him. “But you’re also important to me, and so is your family, so they don’t have to like me, but I’ll try harder next time. First impressions don’t have to decide everything, right?”

“Right.” What he said meant a lot to you and you can feel your eyes water again, but not from anger or frustration, but from happiness Will brings you.

#so basically if we didn’t have the musical episode that’s probably when it would’ve happened #love island the game #litg #litg s4 #love island the game s4 #love island game #litg will #will kimura #love island #litg fanfic #litg season 4 #litg 2 #love island the game will #litg will kimura #litg s4 fanfic

[seraphdreams]

https://www.tumblr.com/seraphdreams/734650996278558720/hey-seraph-i-know-i-vented-to-you-about-some

Thanks for letting me vent. It means alot to me. And thanks for showing your boundaries as well. If I ever make you uncomfy please let me know. Its also gonna be really long so I hope you don't mind.

It's just that I've been feeling alot more blue since the wedding becuase its just that ever little noise my (POS) younger brother has been making to trigger like roughly barging into my door so that it jiggles and stomping around for the same effect. Its gotten to a point where I can no longer differtiate between the two. Like he hasn't externally been bothering but he's been doing sly shit like slamming himself against my doorknob to jiggle it (what's the word?) And its not even rough its just softly enough to trigger me. And then hes been coming in to the room I'm in, looking at me as if I'm worth less than the scum is his shoe and leaving and after he's already triggered me in just put even lower in terms of mood and self esteem and he's made me feel like I wa sshit and that I have nothing good about me. And he even did it yesterday when I was trying to sleep and he was rocking back and forth and it was really triggering and I wanted to bang on the wall but I was afraid of him and I didn't want to fight him becisse I was afaird of him banging on my door and the general backlash which could cause a fight pulling my hair out (he does that during fights) and he's always just provking me to try snd fight him just so that he can beat me up. And then there's the fact that I cant talk to nobody about it bc my therapist discharged me for three months (that's their policy) and I'm still on the waiting list for counselling and I can't talk to my mum bc she dont fully understand or says that he doesn't (as much as I love her to bits) and I can't talk with my sister bc the last time I ranted to her about ruining my plans we got into an argument and I blocked her. And then on top of that I traumadumped my sisters best friend (who was my designated friend for the day) becuase she knew about the family drama and I thought it was safe to tell her and I also told her about being flirted with by a guy but I thought it was a joke and she reassured me (said that I was above average - beautiful black girl tm) but then she said that I was insecure and constantly looking for validation which alot of girls don't like and even guys and it makes me realise that I do it alot. And I just keep reacting and giving him a reaction bc I get triggered easily and I just don't know how to properly articulate what I'm feeling bc nobody in my family will even listen to me and even say that I'M the one terrifying him. And I talked with teachers and counsellors about it but they just say that all siblings fight like that.

Can you give me advice on how not give him a reactions. Or how to cope with his bullshit. Also what do I do if I am reacting. Sorry for dumping his on you, I just need someone to tell who will listen and not dismiss me.

i just want to say i’m sorry that all of this is happening and people should not be dismissing you especially the ones that are there to help you. that’s no “sibling fight” that’s straight up abuse. and though i’m not well versed on the subject of siblings, i just think that to stop giving a reaction you should stop caring. if i do remember correctly, you said your brother was younger? in that case, it’s futile to give into him since he’s younger and not important.

let’s switch the narrative here — instead of thinking that you’re the problem, think of his behavior. people who are happy with themselves don’t ruin others’ day. in conclusion, he’s just bitter and acting like a child and in that case he needs to grow up. his actions don’t reflect you.

now all of this won’t happen in a day, and if you find yourself reacting just remember that it’s normal in the healing process to fall back, but that just means you gotta push two steps forward. also find things to distract you or rewire your brain from reacting. when you find him provoking you, just think of something else besides his annoyances. something that makes you happy or calms you down. or just switch your focus to a whole new task/topic

#again #i’m really sorry this is going on #no one deserves to live a life like this #i will say #families tend to coddle the men/boys more which results in neglect in the girls/women #if you’re able to #you should bring up that topic to get to the root cause and maybe this will awaken your family members to think about how they treat you #and him #seraph.replies!

[mahvaladara]

Therapist: And, has there been any incidents since what happened in Gym class?

Syra: Incidents? You mean if anyone’s been harassing me, bullying me or mistreating me over the fact they now know I’m packing a gun?

The therapist cleared her throat to try and hide a laugh.

Therapist: Yes.

Syra: Of course. We’re kids. Kids are cruel. There’s been some ‘futa’ comments and 'tranny’ thrown around. A kid or two has yelled out a “freak” too, before pretending it wasn’t them. Some of my classmates have been avoiding me. But I never had many friends to start with, so. Nothing that I wasn’t expecting.

Therapist: Excuse me, futa?

Syra: Futanari. It’s a japanese hentai style, where a girl usually has a massive dong.

Therapist: Do you always speak with such terms when talking about sex? I had this idea you were a lovely and polite girl.

Syra: And I am. But I am very much annoyed. I guess some of my dad’s pettiness and bitterness is bleeding out into me when I am like this. 

Therapist: I understand this behavior is annoying to you-

Syra: Do you? I was expecting them to start treating me like this the moment it came out I was a fully functional intersex. That’s not what annoys me. 

Therapist: Then what is? So I can help.

Syra: What annoys me is this. Me being called to counseling with you, instead of the school pushing for my condition to be properly explained in Sex-Ed class. I have people calling me a hermaphrodite! I’m a person, not a fucking flower!

That you’re asking me if people are treating me differently, as expected, instead of like, I don’t know? Have a group session with all of the class where we could discuss this and turn this incident into a learning experience?

You’re asking me questions as if somehow the fact my anatomy is different is my fault. 

My classmates don’t know what intersex means! They spend their time on trendy and plopsy and social bunny! They don’t simoogle these things!

They’re just learning what a gender identity and what queer means, most of them don’t even know what closet they’re in yet! And BAM, now they have my junk dangling out for them to see? Of course they’re going to be confused, angry, even prejudicious! They’re teens, we’re dumb, we’re insecure, we want to fit in, so of course if someone points and laughs, everyone else is going to do the same! 

This is scary! I have boobs, I sound, I look, I smell, I feel like a girl! I am not supposed to have a dick, but I do! They’re going to be confused, because they don’t know how to deal with this or process this!

And instead of doing something to teach like you should, you’re walking around me like on eggshells. Why? Are you afraid I am going to sue the school? Is that it? Cause my mom is a celebrity lawyer?

The therapist remained quiet, letting Syra lay out her heart.

Syra: Dad says to always expect the worse from everyone, and I do. And I understand. Maybe more than you.

The school knew I was intersex, my dad forwarded a request for me to use a private bathroom, it was granted. But I made a special request to use pants, sweat pants, instead of those teeny, tiny shorts, you make girls wear in gym class. You said no, because of the dress-code. Yet Watcher forbid I dare wear form fitting leggings to school! I’ll get dress-coded and sent home! Because form-fitting leggings are too distracting to male students, because they can see the outline of my nads! But wearing shorts that nearly show my buttcrack between squats at gym class, isn’t!

#the imortal #imortal #ts4 story #the sims 4 story #gameplay #the sims 4 gameplay #ts4 #the sims4 #s4 #the sims #sims #syra #gen 1

[l-e-e-woso]

Mental Health Is Important!

All of this is based on my own personal experience! Warning this could be triggering for some people!

I just wanted to make a post about Mental Health because of the current state of a lot of things all over the UK and well the entire World really. 

Even if someone just wants someone to rant to without being judged please feel free to private message me or send an Anon message. 

You can also message or anon message, @dutch-gay86

__________________________

I know that Mental Health is talked about a lot more in the recent years but personally I think that most of the support that is out there is for adults. 

I know that when I was in high school, we never ever had any sort of mental health help. 

I’ve been having therapists/counsellors since I was in Year 5 in Primary School and I think the longest amount of time that I had a therapist/counsellor was about 8 weeks. I mean how do they expect you to be able to get comfortable talking about some of the darkest, deepest and most depressing things that have happen in your life when you know that you are just another patient so that they can get their paycheck.

I know that especially in the UK that with the state of the NHS, you could literally be on the edge and you would still be on a waiting list for the most part of a year. 

__________________________

In the UK or at least where I live in the UK, there is a program form Mental Health called CAMS which is a range of counselling/therapy for Depression, Anxiety, ADHD, Sexuality, Gender Identity, Trauma, Grief and many other things.

But the only way to really get into CAMS is if your School refers you to them which is a terrible way of getting therapy/counselling because most teacher do not give two shits about their student’s well-being whether it be physically or mentally.

In my particular friend group during my High School years, every single one of us, including myself, got bullied for the entire 5 years of school. The amount of times that we would go the head of our year or the Principal to get them to do something about it was absurd.

There were days that me and my friends would literally be terrified to go into school due to the fact that we could possibly get jumped just because of our sexuality or gender identity.

I mean I can take jokes about being a lesbian but some of the things they would say about me and my friends were disgusting. I would not wish that type of mental abuse upon anybody even if they were the worst person on Earth.

__________________________

I remember this on particular incident that happened in like my fourth year of high school.

It was during a Physical Education class and usually I would go get dressed in a completely different room because I knew that there were a huge group of ‘popular girls’ that would always be in there but this one particular day I had to be in this changing room with them because there wasn’t another room available due to some really bad floods that we had that damaged a lot of that section of the school.

As any normal teenage lesbian, I tried to make absolutely no eye contact with any girl in that changing room out of respect for them cause it’s just common decency or at least I think it is. But I had looked up for literally a second and made eye contact with this one particular girl.

This girl immediately thought that I was checking her out and had this massive crush on her, which I definitely did not because 1) I have standards and 2) I had a long-term girlfriend at the time.

But instead of talking to me she spread rumours around our year basically saying, I liked her and that I was a perv. Which once again I literally made eye contact with her for a second, but this girl was one of those girls that loved being the centre of any kind of attention and well bullying people.

I eventually found out about the rumours later that day and what did I do? I fucking confronted her which in hindsight wasn’t the best thing to do. When I did confront this girl, her sister came over to me and threatened to beat me up but I’m not one for violence, so I just backed away then went home. 

Later that evening the same girl somehow managed to find my Instagram and started harassing me. Saying if I ever went back to school that her older sister would jump me before I even got into the school building, so I did the stupid thing and thought nothing of it. I went back to school the next day and I can tell you now, she was serious about her sister jumping me. I ended up being sent home because I had bruises and cuts all over me but luckily, I was fine physically but mentally not so much.

Y’know what the school did? They suspended the girl’s sister for a week and told me to see the school therapist/counsellor for a week or two. Eventually, I just didn’t go to school unless I had to because I was terrified of being there that I couldn’t concentrate on any schoolwork. And guess what they didn’t refer me to get any real help. 

What is even worse is that it’s still happening at that school. I read on the news that a few students followed a fellow student to the train station near the school and beat the shit out of him and left him there because they found out he was transgender. 

Honestly, I don’t understand how that school is still open.

  __________________________

A year after I had left high school I decided to try and get my mental health sorted out, so I went to the doctors to get referred to a specialist.

When I finally got to the appointment, they said there was no reason for me to be there because I hadn’t physically hurt myself or anyone else, so I got sent away and told that I was fine, I didn’t need help. 

Honestly, I was speechless. I mean I had literally told them about the high school experience that I wrote about above and I had lost three of the most important people in my life but nope I was perfectly fine.

__________________________

I have quite a good therapist/counsellor at the moment and I will be forever thankful for her. I mean I will never get over that pain but I at least except that without that experience I would not be where I am today or the person that I am.

What I’m getting at is that, there should be more mental health support for teens and younger people because it basically inaccessible to them.

#mental health #mental health awareness

[stingslikeabee]

gib me kid meme for kaz & mel please lov u k thx bai

send me a pair name and I’ll tell you what I think it would be like if they had a child . accepting

Name: Olivia Hope Drysdell-Miller (Kazuhira insisted that Melissa's name was included; he didn't want to be the only parental reference on Olivia's documents). Gender: Female. General appearance: Much to Kazuhira's delight, she looks like a younger version of Melissa - fair skin, the same honey color of the eyes, full hair (here is where one might notice that Kazuhira's dirty blonde and Melissa's dark chestnut colors mixed, since Olivia's hair is a lighter shade of brown that pairs in a lovely way with her eyes). She grows to be of average height (just a little taller than her mother), not overly curvaceous or owning a voluptuous figure but staying rather on the slender side like a ballerina. Personality: Sweet, innocent and really befitting of her names associated to peace and hope for better, brighter years. Kazuhira did his best to shield Olivia from his own anger and hatred; having a daughter somehow worked beautifully to have him get in touch with his softest side, and the protective and caring nature of his youthful years clearly left a lasting impact in Olivia. She also shows a lot of the nurturing and cheerful disposition of her mother, making her incredibly gentle and compassionate. There is never anyone in the room who doesn't want to hug the girl - she is really too precious. Special talents: A very good listener and supportive individual for as long as both her parents can remember; in a direct opposition to many kids who are often able to talk non-stop, Olivia was always very happy to lend an ear and to counsel others, from her dolls who faced imaginary problems to her own friends and even Kazuhira and Melissa (if she sensed they were struggling with something). Her selfless nature is a weakness that can be exploited, what concerns the former soldier - but he's more focused on protecting her from external threats than forcing her to change. The world needs good people - Kazuhira is honored he was given the chance to contribute to that goal despite everything; it feels like he has been given a second chance by karma. Who they like better: Both! Olivia feels very lucky in relation to her parents - some of her friends have crappy families, but she is just delighted to have been born to a such a loving couple. The way her mother and dad found one another and overcame obstacles by being each other's source of strength (even if it came in the form of a rather forceful push sometimes) fascinates Olivia, and she makes no secret of the fact she wishes to find someone just as nice for herself one day. Who they take after more: Melissa - she is physically and emotionally a small clone of her mother, being very open about her affections, assisting others through their endeavors and finding meaning in not only holding someone close but to do acts of service for them as well. They share many hobbies and similar approaches (with Olivia having inherited Melissa's famous 'hand on the hips' gesture which means that Kazuhira is in trouble when she pulls that one) and if the two ladies of his life join efforts... He is absolutely doomed. He means this fondly, of course. Personal Headcanon: Olivia really likes birds - watching them, hearing them sing, feeding the little ones who come to her. It is an adorable hobby and one that makes the frequent Disney princess allusions even stronger, but the girl really is dedicated to them and has always asked to be gifted with themed books or to be taken on strolls where she could try and spot them. Olivia is very against holding them captive in cages - but she likes to offer fresh fruit and water at their home garden to see them voluntarily come for the food and keep her company. Faceclaim: Nicole Gale Anderson.

#mencnfire #v: Nightingale #if they had a kid #replied #I kept this to our original AU #but I imagine it could be adapted to the other #in any case #congrats - it's a Disney princess!

[fulcrumqueenrebelfriend]

Phase 8: Kit Marshall- chapter 11

Chapter 1 >>

"Karli Morgenthau is to dangerous for you guys to be pulling this shit!" Walker put heavy stress on the last word.

"Ah! How'd you find us now?" Bucky teased, as they walked towards them.

"Come on. You think three Avengers can walk around Latvia without drawing attention?" Lemur stated, quickly walking down the steps.

"No more keeping us in the dark. You can start by telling us why you broke him out of prison."

"He did that himself, technically."

"This better be an unbelievable explanation." He threw his hands up in the air.

"Hey, take it easy before it gets weird." Sam stopped Walker.

"I know where Karli is." Zemo stated before walking around him.

He put a hand out to stop the baron, "well where?"

Marshall looked at Sam, making frantic hand gestures- signing- 'we can't tell him! He's a lunatic.' 

"All we know is it's a memorial."

'Are you fucking kidding me Sam.'

"So we're gonna intercept her there." Wilson added.

"That means civilians. High risk of causalities." Lemur pointed out as they started to follow Zemo.

"All right, good, we'll move in fast. Take her by surprise." Walker instructed, formulating a plan.

"No, I wanna talk to her alone."

"I'm not losing her again."

"Look, the person closest to her died, she's vulnerable. If there's any time to reason with her, it's now."

"What? No. Wait, no! No! Stop! Hold on. Stop, okay. I think we're way past reasoning with her,  unless you forgot the fact that she blew up a building with people still in it."

"Sam, you walk in there cold, she could kill you."

"And if I go in hot and the op goes wrong, more people will die."

"Are you gonna let your partner walk into a room with a super soldier alone?" Walker asked Bucky, completely ignoring Kit.

"He's dealt with worse. And he's not my partner." Bucky added the last bit almost as an afterthought, a reflex.

"I used to counsel soldiers dealing with trauma, okay? This is right in my wheelhouse."

"Yeah, I know. And I know those soldiers, which is why I know this is a bad idea."

"Wait John. If he can talk her down, it might be worth a try." Lemur told him.

He scoffed, but reluctantly agreed, "We'll deal with you later," he addressed Zemo.

"I'm sure it will all come to an agreeable conclusion. My associate is just up ahead." He walked over to her- others in tow.

"Hello my friend, this is for your family," he brandished some money out of his coat, giving it to her. "Can you show us the way?"

She gestured for them to follow her.

"What the hell?" Walker said to Lemur, following in the rear.

They entered what appeared to be a large boiler room, "Karli's in there," Zemo told them as the girl disappeared through the door.

"All right." Sam followed the path of the girl.

Roughly Walker handcuffed Zemo to one of the tanks, "Hey, you got ten minuets."

"Really?" Zemo complained.

"Then we're doing things my way."

"Aggressive." Zemo added. "But I get it."

Kit was sitting on the brick wall- the one Zemo was handcuffed to, Bucky was standing next to where she was, while Walker just stared at the shield. There was something seriously wrong inside that mans head. Kit regarded him, analysing the difference. John Walker is aggressive, Steve wasn't like that. Even in the midst of pure rage, he could never kill someone unnecessarily- good moral standards were at the core of every decision he made, regardless of his own emotional state.

John Walker is different. When he gets angry, morality is not his priority because ultimately he isn't a man of the people, he's a man who centres his own desires, no matter the cost. He doesn't stop to question himself because his ego won't let him.

Where Steve Rogers was measured, John Walker is impulsive. Where Steve Rogers looked out for everyone's best interests, John Walker looks out for his own.

Where Steve Rogers showed self-restraint, John Walker would definitely take the kill strike.

John Walker is not a good man- she concluded, satisfied at her thoughts she looked to Bucky, who was once again doing his thousand yard GI Joe stare.

Then suddenly Walker got up, pacing around the room, "Uh-uh. No, no, no. This is a bad idea."

"It hasn't been ten minuets, John. Just sit tight."

Marshall could tell, from Walkers body language, from his words, from his steps, that something was about to go down. Then she saw something click inside of him, he paced forward, "I'm going in." Kit jumped down, and Bucky stepped forward stopping Walker, "this is all really easy for you, isn't it? All that serum running through your veins. Barnes, your partner needs backup in there." Once again he disregarded Kit, something Steve had never done. "Do you really want his blood on your hands?"

Marshall was so sick of this guy, 'back off Walker.'

"What did she say?" Walker questioned Bucky.

"She told you to back off."

Walker stepped forward menacingly, "what?"

Kit was done with him.

Stepping even closer to her, stopping when his face was mere inchs away hers. "And who are you to tell me what to do? You can't even speak." She grabbed his arm twisting it back.

He curled his hand into a fist and aimed for the front of her face. His fist hit the corner of her mouth, splitting her lip, his second punch hit the bridge of her nose. Her blood splattered all over the ground of the boiler room.

Tasting blood, she did what appeared to be a silent growl as Walker stepped into a blazing roundhouse kick that rattled his skull. He started to fall until--

Marsh's other foot slammed into his rib cage, slamming him into the wall.

She pursued him and fired foot and fist into him repeatedly, like she was exercising on a heavy bag rather than hitting a person. Walker kneed her in the stomach, then they were on the ground wrestling. 

As much was clear, she wasn't Steve, but neither was he- at least she didn't go around parading as him.

Lemar stepped behind her, as she predicted he would and he tried to pull her away from his friend. Finally Bucky intervened, "hey," he whispered as he pulled her back, she tried to break free of his grip. When he felt she had herself under control, he released her. Kit stepped forward and spat at Walkers feet, a mixture of blood and saliva.

'disgrace.'

@misogirl828

#marvel #mcu #bucky #walker #hoskins #lemar #john #james buchanan bucky barnes #Kit #Marshall #awesome #movies #falcon and the winter soldier #white wolf #wakanda #flag smashers #captain america #john walker #lemar hoskins #Kit Marshall #marvel mcu #enjoy #fun #Sam #wilson #sam wilson #queen #Zemo #Baron #@misogirl828

[afroblogs]

Flirting and meeting new people

Hey y’all I didn’t really want this to be my first post on this blog but I just think it’s a good thing to talk about. When you find the courage to talk to someone you don’t know just because they are cute and not only do you get a reply back but you even start talking is an amazing feat. It takes a lot of work to get there, and I would know. Because when it comes to how I feel about myself it really took some guts. So yesterday I was proud of myself for going up to someone who I thought was cute (Although in hindsight that was a bad idea because he kinda looked like my ex but I mean it’s ok to have a type). 

I put on my best perfume and I had on one of my cutest outfits and I went up and asked him if he had a snap (so juvenile I know) He gave me his insta instead and I followed him. We started a lil convo and he was so slick with that “What’s the name of your perfume I can’t get it out of my head,” stuff. Then we started talking again the next day and stuff. We talked about our hobbies and workouts and stuff. 

Now of course my dumb behind was not paying attention to some red flags like the fact that he likes hunting or the more obvious thing was, HE STARTED TALKING TO ME ABOUT HIS FOOT FETISH. (Which honestly is not shaming anyone just like we met a day ago. Why are you telling me this but I digress). Honestly I felt a little bad after that tho because when I met him the day before I had not only done a foot peel but I put those cute toe tips on and had on a cute pair of wedges so my feet looked really good, and I mean if this was to become a relationship then that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. 

But this ladies and gents is not a love story. So we keep talking, I have no indication that anything is going south until I ask “Can I ask you a question.” Next thing I know is instagram telling me this user page has been deleted, So in my head I’m trying to figure out what I did wrong, even consulting my counsel of friends for advice on that situation. Only for my friend to show me that I’ve been blocked. 

For what reason I don’t know. And honestly before I get ahead of myself I forgot to tell y’all the reason I said that was because he had some girl's profile tagged in his bio, (again another ignored red flag) I was just trying to figure out if I was some other woman before we even got to that stage. So to be for real with y’all even if he seems sweet off the jump a dude can still be weird.

I mean after all the sweet dude you can end up talking to a dude who’s only attracted to your feet and butt. But don’t take this as me saying don’t put yourself, please if you feel like you're ready for love or you just want to meet people then by all means do it. Just remember to stay safe when doing that because you never know who you're gonna find, take it from me.

(Now I'm gonna go write fanfictions about my favorite men to make myself feel better so check that out on afrowrites)

Your Best Black Girlfriend,

Afro~

XOXO

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