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f1version · 3 months

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Congratulations! Your works are amazing! You totally deserved this. Can i please request a headcannons about a secret reliationship between mick schumacher and a female driver?

KISSING IN SECRET ★ MSC47

pairing: mick schumacher x merc driver!reader ( she/her ) word count: 1679 warnings: mentions of misogyny !!!

2k celebration ★ general masterlist

Love comes easy to you and Mick—friends for too long, eager to make up for the time lost. What’s hard is the nature of your relationship; secrecy protecting your peace.

It begins at a pub in Austin, 2021. You were celebrating your first win for Mercedes, and even though his result was far from good, Mick decided to tag along. Then, all it took was a couple of shots, a bit of dancing, and a lonely corner to blur the lines of friendship and fall on each other’s lips.

A week of tension, anxiety, and avoidance later, you were falling asleep in his arms, heavy breathing and soft touches all over your body.

Now your life is based on clandestine meetings, brushing fingers or stolen kisses, and a well put illusion of friendship.

And no one ever thought much about your closeness, not until Mick moved to Mercedes in 2023.

When people saw Mercedes’ star driver sharing so closely with the new guy—one whose performance didn’t leave people’s mouths,—they prayed for a big story. By the time Australia rolled by, the PR team requested distance while the cameras were on.

And it wasn't as if these types of requests were foreign to you; misogyny was a thing after all, but you were never in love with George, or Lewis, or Alex, or Lance, or anyone but Mick. It was frustrating, but it didn't change a lot of things—especially because Mick was a reserve driver.

Of course, the topic would make it into your conversations:

“Do you think it would be a disaster? I mean going public.” Mick asked almost out of nowhere. You were lying on his chest, freshly showered after a disappointing Austrian GP. “Maybe. It will most likely follow us forever.” You said, and he sighed, “Do you think the team would be okay with it?” “I think they care about us enough.”

There were stories about this. Drivers within the same teams having such a strong relationship (let it be romantic or platonic, who knows) that they destroy not only their’s but the team’s trust.

Both of you believe Lewis knows. Your only evidence being the small pep talk he gave you moments before his last race in the sport, in 2022. Something about being selfish, about how this sport will always judge, so you might as well take what you want.

You wanted everything. To be selfish, to take your time, to figure everything out first, but also to just be reckless. You didn’t tell him that; you just expressed your gratitude.

The European arm makes it a bit easier. Motorhomes are used, and hotel rooms become unnecessary. It’s as simple as walking into a room and not caring about avoiding people in the hallway; your only excuse is your well-known friendship.

You love spending nights laughing, kissing, crying, and everything in between.

You were reckless, and learned to be as careful as you needed after the George incident™

It happened in Belgium; the race and debrief ending hours ago. You were in your room, boyfriend sneaking in to talk about the race, which ended in a very lovely make-out session. And that’s when (clueless) George decided to knock on your door.

Mick ran to your closet, making a mess of your race suits to be able to close the door. You, absolutely terrified of the Paddock’s Gossip Girl, threw a blanket over your body, taking a deep breath before facing George’s comments of: “You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” and “Also hit by a truck,” and “Need help with the suits?”

You rolled your eyes and had him complain about the car with you for forty-seven minutes. Mick could barely feel his legs after that one.

At some point, the team starts talking. More about Mick having a crush than anything—especially since he doesn't deny it. But it’s mostly a joke; no one takes it too seriously until that teasing reaches Toto’s ears.

For a second, you were ready to be called to his office and hear him talk about how he supported whoever you chose to love, but that if someone or something was making you uncomfortable, you must tell him.

You had always been grateful for those talks. In the end, you knew they were there because of how ruthless the media had been in 2020, after your first dating rumors with a driver—with George, out of all people, your teammate then and your teammate now. George who had (and has) a girlfriend. It had been an awful sophomore season, to say the least.

This was different, though. This was not the media making up things; this was his own team talking about his reserve driver having a crush on his driver. This could be a different story.

Here’s the thing: You had never heard the teasing in person, you knew of it because of Mick. You spent nights laughing at it together, making up responses he could give to hard launch your relationship. They never got out of the coziness of your bed, but it was fun.

That particular day wasn’t Mick gossiping, that day you were there, and it caught you off guard. A good off-guard, you were ready to laugh it off.

But Toto was also there, mistaking your surprise for discomfort. And so you weren’t called to his office, you stood next to him during a 20-minute talk on professionalism, respect, and boundaries.

You were grateful, not knowing where that joke could end up… But still, you and Mick laughed the whole night.

Also, I would be lying if I said it didn’t set off an alarm, bringing to the table a thought you had been trying to avoid: the consequences of public. The need for security.

Consequences mean a lot to people, especially in your sport. A driver’s health could be destroyed by not acknowledging them after all.

For you, consequences meant having the media hang on to it forever to diminish your work. It means being called names, be harassed by fans. Means being accused of taking advantage of your power. It could even mean closing doors to other female drivers because misogyny is a thing.

For Mick, it means another reason for his place in Mercedes to be questioned. “Who knows how long they have been dating?” “She and his last name gave him a place.” It means being portrayed as an exploiter, his relationship reduced to an unethical plan to get back on track. Means being praised at your expense.

But there are pros. There’s a necessity to continue changing people’s minds, to be happy, selfish, and own it.

Summer break gets in the way of those conversations though...

Breaks are your favorite part of the year (as a couple). You either stay in Switzerland or avoid the so-called “hard launch islands,” where drivers pretend obliviousness towards snapping pictures of them and their partners.

(Sebastian Vettel gave it the name by the way)

“What if we soft launch?” You asked one morning, scrolling through Pinterest and looking at all the ways a soft launch could happen. Mick choked on his drink, coughing a bit before answering, “I’m so sorry, babe, but what?” “Hear me out! We can have people know we are in a relationship, but they don't have to know it’s us yet. It can be a years-long soft launch if we want.”

Mick stared at you for a whole minute, smirk following it. He thought it was brilliant, laughing while trying to properly kiss you.

“We have to tell PR, tho.”

Two weeks later, you called on a meeting with PR, lawyers, and Toto, they had no idea what would be discussed.

Toto's eyes went wide as he saw you and Mick enter the room together, and everyone followed his motion after you briefly explained the situation.

Your PR manager spoke first, “I won't lie and tell you it’s going to be easy; both of you understand how cruel the media is, but I also don’t think it will be as hard as we imagine... if you go public, of course.”

Then Toto started talking about how, to some extent, he understood your worries. How “People will talk sh*t all the time; you need to unconditionally support each other so it doesn’t kill you.” He gave the support talk and visited a couple of logistical questions.

Five days later, Mick had soft-launched his girlfriend, and five weeks after that, you had a boyfriend.

Eventually, you told some friends (those who didn’t know already.)

George was 100% not surprised. He grins and shouts, "Knew it!” and suggests a double date with him and Carmen. (To that plan, other couples are added—Alex, Lance, Esteban, etc.)

It turns out, with the help of your team and the correct people, everything becomes easier. From interacting in front of the cameras to booking rooms.

One of your favorite things is the teasing your friends/colleagues give Mick after you score a podium. He starts giggling and muttering about how proud he is of you, cheeks turning pink and eyes unable to leave you.

Mick loves sitting next to you during debriefing, letting you play with his hand under the table when anxiety strikes.

It feels good. Not to be so secret around the paddock.

“You know I love you, right?” “Yeah, but I love you more.” “Okay, competitive!”

Sometimes you want everyone to know. Surprise the world with Mick being the guy on your Instagram, and Mick feeling the need to shout in everyone’s faces that his girlfriend wasn't the model they speculated to be.

The third year of your relationship, 2024, is the hardest. There are eyes on you all season, commentary becomes stronger as you fight with Max on track, and so rumors of your relationship with Mick arise.

Mick hates everything being said about you and eventually can’t hold back the need to be loud about it. And so do you.

Both of you want to be selfish. Take whatever you want out of this sport. Who cares what people say.

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scoonsalicious · 3 months

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Unwanted: Chapter 4, Unwelcome - Pt. 2

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, mentions of sex, hints of jealousy, some slight self-deprecation.

Word Count: 1.7k

Previously On...: Now that you and Bucky are officially FWB, you couldn't keep your hands off one another, which obviously meant having fantastic sex in your office.

A/N: And it's time to finally introduce our antagonist! Sort of! Although, I guess you could say the real antagonism is the angst and anxiety we meet along the way. Chapter 11 is coming along very nicely, hence a posting today. I hope you enjoy!

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917

Taglist: (Please let me know if you’d like to be added!) @jmeelee @cazellen @blackhawkfanatic @les-sel @marcswife21 @buckybarnessimpp @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @erelierraceala

"You're both so codependent," Nat said to the two of you one evening a few months later as you all sat gathered around in the common room after dinner. It was a rare occurrence where no one was away on a mission and everyone was Earth-side. The space was crowded, so naturally Bucky had offered you his lap, theoretically in order to open up some seating for everyone else. Aside from the two of you and Nat, there was Wanda and Vision, Steve and Sam, Clint, Thor, Tony and Pepper, Bruce, and Rhodey. Your perfectly imperfect found family. The only one who was missing was young Peter Parker, but it was a school night and Tony tried to make sure the kid had his priorities in order.

"No we're not," you and Bucky said in unison, which made everyone else either laugh or groan. You glanced up at him with a smile and then back to the others. "What can we say? We just really enjoy the benefits of our friendship."

Bucky let out a cough into his hand that sounded a lot like "Be cool, damn."

"How come you never volunteer to sit in my lap?" Steve asked with an exaggerated pout.

"Do you want me to get up, Star-Spangled Man?" you ribbed as you feigned moving out of Bucky's lap. "You can have him all to yourself." Bucky squeezed your waist in warning, holding you down against him. You knew that if you got up now, you'd be exposing everyone to the erection that had been rubbing against your backside all evening. Fortunately, Steve wasn't one to take such a joke very far.

"No, it's fine. I can tell when I've been replaced," he teased, though his smile didn't necessarily reach his eyes. You and Bucky weren't necessarily hiding the fact that you'd started having sex from everyone, but you sure as shit weren't shouting it from the rooftops. There would be far too many 'I told you so's or 'about damn time's for your liking, not to mention everyone asking 'what's the next step?,' so it was something you kept to yourselves. Besides, you both decided that the secret aspect of sneaking around made it so much fucking hotter.

"Good, you're all here," said Tony, breaking through the levity with a serious tone, "since we're all together for once, there's something we need to discuss."

All eyes turned to him. Usually, a serious Tony meant a global-threatening event, but things on the world-saving front had been fairly quiet recently, so you were all curious to see what he had to say.

"As you're no doubt well aware, because most of you aren't complete morons, there are more and more enhanced individuals coming out of the woodwork, and not all of them are identifying as friendlies. I know we've already got a great team here, but Fury thinks we could be better."

"Pretty strong opinion for a man who just sits around watching and talking," Clint offered from his position on the couch next to Nat where he was re-stringing one of his bows.

"Don't disagree, Barton," Tony continued, "but Fury's good graces and government approval are the reason we keep getting to do what we do. He wants us to expand."

"What, open up a West Coast Avengers second location?" Bruce asked with a laugh.

"He wants us to consider taking on some more members," Tony said. "Expand our capabilities. I was able to negotiate it down to one."

"Do we have a say in the matter, or has he already made the choice for us?" Natasha asked warily. Like you, the Avengers were the only real family she'd ever known, and like you, she was highly uncomfortable with the idea of allowing just anyone to join it.

"He's made some... suggestions," Tony said, holding up a stack of thick folders, "but the final decision is ours to make."

"Well, I say we stick with known quantities," Sam offered. "Like Tic-Tac. He proved himself in Berlin."

"Nah, Scott Lang's not a viable option," you interjected thoughtfully. "Maybe as a reserve or something, but not a full-blown member." At Sam's questioning look, you elaborated. "His daughter's young, and he doesn't have custody. He's not going to move across the country and leave her in San Francisco. Not for us, especially after being apart from her while he was in prison."

"Same's going to go for T'Challa," Nat agreed. "His priority is always going to be Wakanda, he won't give that up, nor should we expect him to."

"We could always invite my brother Loki to join us," said Thor with a grin. "He's quite skilled," he paused for a moment to think his statement through. "Though he is completely untrustworthy and could very well try to murder us all, so perhaps not. But what a humorous situation that would have made!" The eye rolls from around the room proved that, no, it would not have made a humorous situation at all.

"I wish Pietro were still here; he would be magnificent. A perfect addition," Wanda said wistfully, and you reached over to squeeze her hand. She'd done so much healing since her brother had died in the crossfire of the battle with Ultron, but you couldn't imagine the lingering pain losing a twin must keep her in. She gave you a grateful look as she returned your squeeze.

"Well, who else do we know that we'd actually trust enough to ask?" Rhodey posited. The ensuing silence spoke volumes.

"Natty, what about your sister?" you suggested. "You think Yelena would be interested? It wouldn't suck to have another trained Widow on the team. Plus, she makes me laugh, which, you know, absolutely crucial Avenger requirement."

Nat looked thoughtful. "I don't know if it would be her thing, but I could reach out; wouldn't hurt to ask. But I wouldn't get our hopes up; she's pretty dedicated to helping all the former Widows right now."

"Swell," said Tony with an eye roll, making a note on a piece of paper inside his folder. "That's one, maybe. But probably not."

"Well, what options did Fury send over?" Rhodey asked him.

Tony began handing out folders to everyone. Each page contained a brief bio of an enhanced individual Fury had vetted and thought might make a good addition to the team. He handed you a folder, then made to hand another to Bucky.

"I'll share with Pocket," he said.

"Of course you will," Tony said with a shake of his head. "You sharing your balls with her, too, Barnes?" You stuck your tongue out at him. "Nice, Pocket. The pinnacle of maturity," Tony muttered as he moved on toward Bruce.

"Not just your balls," you whispered into Bucky's ear, giving his cock a discreet squeeze. He did his best not to moan out loud at your touch.

"You are going to pay for that," he whispered, causing you to laugh.

"Why don't we take a look at these profiles?" Steve interjected with a cough, waving a folder in the air. Everyone began leafing through their packets. The room was silent, save for the shuffling of paper.

"Wait, here's someone we should definitely consider," Bucky said after a long moment, freezing everyone's attention. He held up a sheet of paper with a picture stapled to it.

You leaned over to get a better look and immediately felt an odd sensation deep inside as your eyes focused on the woman in question: Jade Carthage, code-named 'Vixen'. She had long black hair cascading down her back and vibrant emerald green eyes that, in your opinion, looked cold and calculating. She was absolutely stunning.

"Let's see..." you began reading out loud, "she's the only survivor of a secret Hydra super soldier facility. Looks like they gave her a relatively successful version of the serum, but she single-handedly destroyed their base before it could be replicated and defected to S.H.I.E.L.D. Damn; that's really impressive. Enhanced strength, regenerative capabilities, trained in various forms of martial arts..." While reading about her powers and skills, you couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of jealousy over your own lack of superhero abilities. It was a gentle though bitter reminder that, though you may be able to play in the Avengers' world, you'd never really be one of them.

"She seems..." Bucky said, almost reverently, letting the rest of his thought hang in the air. "We should definitely meet her." You weren't sure why, but the tone of his voice left your stomach feeling sour.

"Well, she certainly seems interesting," Tony said, perusing the profile, "but I'm not sure she'd be a good fit for the team; I'm not seeing anything unique she can bring us that we don't already have on tap, and I'd want to know why she was the base's sole survivor. What happened to the rest of the subjects? We'll have to look into her more closely before we consider inviting her."

"I think it would be a mistake not to at least meet her," Bucky said, his gaze still locked on Jade's picture. "You can't just walk out of a Hydra base, especially when they value you as an asset. She's got to be good at what she does."

The others seemed to agree with Bucky's assessment after reviewing Jade's sheet. The general consensus seemed to be in favor of inviting Jade in for a more in-depth interview and meet and greet before making further decisions. You weren't sure how you felt about it, but you kept your discomfort to yourself. After all, she could definitely be an asset to the team if they chose to make her an offer, and if she chose to accept, of course. Those were two big ifs that might amount to nothing.And really, when it came down to it, your opinion didn't matter. You weren't actually an Avenger. You were just... Avenger-adjacent. Shaking your head, you attempted to disperse the negative thought. It was a term you'd used to refer to yourself when you were feeling less than your friends, when you were being hard on yourself. You hadn't used it in a while, and you weren't about to let yourself spiral down the familiar path of self-loathing... at least, not just yet.

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes #mcu bucky barnes #james barnes

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save-the-villainous-cat · 6 months

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Okay so how about a delirious or gravely injured hero / villain who starts telling the other details about their secret identity because they’re so sure they’re not going to make it while the other is like don’t even think about dying on me ?

"Look," the villain hissed. They pressed their hand into the wound the supervillain had stabbed into them. Flesh had ripped open and blood had been mercilessly dropping to the ground for the last few minutes. It was fair to say that the hero had...overdone it. The villain knew they could forget their own strength every now and then but they hadn't expected them to kill the supervillain that brutally. "I am dying."

The villain leaned their head back but the headache would not die. They dared to peek at the supervillain's body and somehow allowed themselves to relax. Years of anger and anxiety were gone now. Some peace was a good thing. Ignoring the tears and the pain, their eyes found the hero.

"Don't be ridiculous," the hero said but still, the villain could hear their voice shake. Whenever the hero's wall which they had built around their heart crumbled like this, the villain felt some weird sense of accomplishment. Wasn't this their job? Changing the hero? Even if the villain wasn't a good person, was this a good deed?

"No," the villain said. They grabbed the hero's wrist. Their nemesis was panicking, staring at the villain's wound in shock. "I am dying, love."

The hero shook their head and the villain wasn't sure if the pain made them hallucinate the tears in the hero's eyes or if those were actually real. They had never seen the hero this emotional.

"My parents aren't buried in the city," the villain said. "But I wouldn't mind if you chose a cemetery here."

"No."

"I have a cat, also. You need to take care of her. She's only five months old. I found her on the streets a while ago." The villain's hand crawled up the hero's arm until they found their hand and squeezed. "God, I thought I'd have some more time."

They couldn't even stop the tears. Couldn't control anything. Their vision spun and they felt bad for forcing the hero to watch them die. It was a little selfish, wasn't it? But wasn't it also a human desire?

Not to die alone?

"I have a sister, too. She lives far away, though. Maybe you'll find her phone number in my apartment? Could you take care of that? I know it's a lot to ask..."

"Don't you dare. I didn't murder someone for you to die now. I didn't protect you all these months for you to..." The hero swallowed and wiped thick tears away. For a second, the villain seriously thought they were dead already. I didn't protect you... "You cannot die now. I won't let you. You're too important to me."

"It's fine, I..." The hero pulled out their phone and dialed 911 with shaky fingers. The villain's eyes widened but they were too weak to protest. The hero tried to breathe but it was clear that it was quite troubling for them to take normal breaths. They were fighting just as much as the villain.

The villain had given up already, though.

"Yes, hello. I would like to report a murder. I killed someone. I also need an ambulance...I injured someone else, too," the hero said. "Locate my position."

They hung up.

"Fuck, what are you...?" The villain's heart was beating faster than ever. They couldn't believe what the hero had just told the authorities. Confessing a murder like this...asking for an ambulance? The villain wouldn't make it in time and the hero would go to jail either way.

This couldn't be happening. The villain had wanted them to live a quiet life, not dying young in prison. The amount of villain's the hero had already sent to jail was impressive and if the hero joined them, they wouldn't survive the first night.

The villain moaned when they moved. Pain was taking over and they weren't sure if they wanted to throw up or pass out.

"They won't put you in jail when you're injured like this. Especially not when I am the one who's responsible. They've been hunting you for quite a while now but in this case I am the criminal. This buys you time and they can actually save you at the hospital." The hero took in a greedy breath and closed their eyes. More tears.

"You're insane, you're-" The hero took their hand.

"It's the only way to save you. Your blood type is A+, right?" Perhaps? The villain wanted to throw up. This wasn't happening, the hero hadn't just pulled their Go to Jail Card intentionally.

"I think so?" The villain started to sweat and suddenly, it felt as if the world wanted to push them into the afterlife. They refused to die, now that the hero had confessed to a crime. But they feared they had no control over that either.

"Mine is A-, so I can donate. I'll try to stay on the ambulance, if they let me." The hero seemed to be back in their cold self. Always calculating, always thinking. Their poor hero. Always fighting.

"You'll go to prison," the villain whispered.

"And I will find a way to crawl back to you," the hero said. "I always will."

#you always got my fav requests #writing snippet #heroes and villains #heroxvillain prompt #heroxvillain snippet #hero #villain #request #an answer for an ask #hero x villain #heroxvillain

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elleloquently · 6 months

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the wretched and joyful [ 2 ] : ellie williams

ellie williams x female reader | eventual angst + slowburn

───⋆☆ But we don't have to talk about it, I can walk you home and practice method acting - I'll pretend being with you doesn't feel like drowning ♪

───⋆☆ I'm trying to be cool about it, Feelin' like an absolute fool about it Wishin' you were kind enough to be cruel about it - Tellin' myself I can always do without it, Knowin' that it probably isn't true ♪

| a/n - part two!! tags are at the bottom, let me know if u wanna be added! if you enjoyed reading, please considering reblogging/leaving a comment <3 thank you! | c/w - swearing, vague depictions of anxiety.. reader is in love with her best friend idk what to tell you!!

nearly everything that belonged to you used to belong to someone else. that's just the way things were.

you tried to find the thought comforting, but it really felt haunting.

when you moved into your house in jackson, it was like a still life museum. you couldn't help but try to imagine who lived there first, before the world went to shit. you tried to imagine what their daily life was like. how scared they must've been when...

it made you feel like you were living in a haunted house, and you were scared of ghosts.

maria was kind enough to set you up with some things that she thought you would like, but it still felt like you were living somewhere that you didn't belong.

the house felt like it was full of ghosts, so you rearranged and redecorated until it finally felt like your own.

years later, after a lot of trading and sorting through items ellie might find on patrol, you were actually pretty proud of the space that you presented for yourself. adeline once joked that you seemed to have a taste for "the frills," but you didn't mind.

you liked girly things, things that you could keep in secret and feel pretty without worrying about whether or not you seemed tough enough.

ellie had her comics, and you had your own things too.

your guilty pleasure was old magazines, filled with toxic drama, interior design tips, and how to's for all of your accessorizing needs. the pages were cheap and worn but good enough. the silly quizzes were the best part.

you liked pretending. pretending to live in that world instead of this one, wishing you could've been a girl picking out nail polish to match her outfits and deciding which color scheme suited her best. it flooded your senses with longing and never failed to give you a pit in your stomach.

it was like some kind of morbid obsession, wishing for better than what you had.

you didn't really talk about it, especially with ellie. you already knew how she felt about that sort of thing. besides, it made you feel weak. she just knew that you liked silly magazines, and would bring you them without a second thought if she had ever managed to find one.

jesse was actually the first to help you build your little collection. dina had found one on patrol, and brought it back so you could all laugh at the ridiculous headlines. when everything was winding down and you sheepishly asked if you could keep it, jesse seemed to take note.

besides ellie, jesse was one of your closest friends. he was a little more understanding to the sensitive side of you, which you appreciated. you hated feeling like you had to defend every little thought or feeling, to prove you weren't weak.

you'd been spending more time together as of late, especially since his patrol schedule was pretty much opposite of dina's.

you hated when they fought, always over something small and immature and it left you feeling like a child stuck in the middle. any group hangouts were typically reserved for when dina and jesse were on - so according to the news you had received from ellie, things were looking up.

when a knock at your door earned your attention, you jumped to answer it right away. you already knew who you were expecting.

"morning," you grinned as you held the door open. "are you coming in or am i coming out?" you wore shoes just in case, standing in the doorway.

"you're coming out," jesse replied, wearing a light jacket that he would most likely shed later. summer would be here soon, and the change in weather was certainly improving the mood of everyone in jackson.

you nodded once and tugged a sweater over your arms, closing the door behind you as you stepped outside. you loved mornings like this, warm and peaceful. it felt full of promise.

"where to?" you questioned, allowing jesse to take the lead. he grinned when he replied.

"the stables. hope you're not wearing your best clothes."

you scowled but only as a joke. you weren't wearing your "best" anything but even if you were, it wouldn't have mattered.

"you know i never mind," you chirped, bumping jesse's arm. "how come?"

"we're training more people for patrol so we might need more help in the stables for a bit. think you're willing to give an extra hand when you aren't wrangling the children?" jesse asked, raising an eyebrow as the corners of his lips turned upward.

there was somewhat of a school in jackson, and during the week you helped out with the younger kids. there weren't many, but enough so that they were glad to have your help.

"i would love to help," you said honestly, and jesse's smile turned sly.

"i know that," he replied. "that's why i already signed you up."

you snorted, rolling your eyes at his confident response. "whatever. i would've helped regardless, anytime."

"i know," jesse repeated. "thanks, kid."

this made you roll your eyes again, scoffing. there was barely even an age difference.

"you sound like joel." you wrinkled your nose, tilting your head. "all of you patrol people have such a complex," you grumbled, trying your very best not to smile.

"yeah, yeah." jesse slung an arm over your shoulders, causing you to gasp at the audacity. "you love us."

"us?" you questioned, falling into step with him.

jesse couldn't contain the shit-eating grin that plastered itself onto his face. "us. me, dina... ellie."

you laughed once, loud and embarrassed.

"you're so full of it," you replied, stepping out from under his arm.

"what? what did i say?"

"you're not funny. besides, i'm actually very upset with you," you confessed, staring down at your shoes while you walked.

your shift in tone was enough to concern jesse, and he almost seemed bewildered as he questioned you.

"what? why? what did i do?" he slowed his pace, waiting for you to respond.

you waited just a moment to linger it over his head before grabbing his arm, shaking it while you bounced on your feet like an excited child.

"for not telling me that you have a girlfriend!" you gushed, causing jesse to roll his eyes and quickly walk away from you.

"what's her name? what does she look like? is she gonna meet your family?" you continued on as jesse swatted at you. "you know i had to find out from ellie?"

"you're ridiculous," jesse grumbled.

"and you're keeping things from me?" you were really playing it up, finding satisfaction in the way he shook his head.

"you know, you're not funny," jesse mocked.

you laughed, catching back up with him. "really though, is everything all good?"

a small smile slipped in the place of jesse's scowl. "all good," he confirmed softly.

jesse seemed content so you let that be enough, finishing your walk to the stables in peaceful silence.

you didn't need much instruction since you were already quite familiar with the tasks. instead, it was mostly jesse explaining which horses would be in and out and when. you carried on with some light maintenance, chatting through each chore. jesse didn't really need to stay and help, but you appreciated the conversation.

"so," you started, placing a bucket of supplies on the ground. "what're we doing tonight?"

"huh?" jesse huffed, looking uncharacteristically caught off guard.

"the four of us," you clarified, brushing your palms on your pants. "i figured since things were cool again that we could finally hang out," you explained, though your use of finally might've been a bit overdramatic. jesse and dina were broken up for about a week, which meant a week of splitting your time between the two of them.

though lately you've been seeing less of dina, maybe because of her and ellie having plans or similar schedules.

"oh!" jesse exclaimed, the sudden loudness catching you off guard. "right. well, you know," jesse stammered.

you raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to put together a coherent sentence that wasn't just him shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head.

"you know," he repeated, even though you obviously didn't. "dina and i just thought that maybe... it would just be the two of us tonight. to um," jesse coughed. "catch up?"

you nodded silently, eyes wide with embarrassment. "of course!" you choked out, desperately wanting to save jesse from any more you know's and awkward stammering.

"hey, maybe tomorrow night," jesse offered, awkwardly clapping you on the shoulder. "you'll still hang with ellie, right?"

you nodded again, kicking your shoe against the ground.

you hoped that ellie would want to see you again, even though you just slept over. the matter wouldn't usually even be a factor, but you felt different lately. a little weird, like you were bothering her too much or something.

"for sure," you muttered, tossing a rag into the bucket with a clang.

jesse was quick to catch your change in tone.

"did something happen?" he questioned, leaning against a stable door.

his question felt like an assumption and you found yourself growing insecure as if everyone had noticed that something was different too.

you wanted to confide in him, you should've confided in him, about how ellie could be so hot and cold and was it normal to get stomach aches whenever you were around her?

instead, you forced out a short laugh and shook your head.

"'course not. she'll probably just sleep after she gets back."

jesse studied you briefly before kicking his weight off of the door, brushing his hands together.

"right. well, dina will probably be back soon so i should..."

"go on," you grinned, waving him away.

"you wanna come with?" jesse offered, knowing ellie would be returning as well.

"i actually think i'll stick around here. for... a little bit," you responded shyly, but jesse already knew why. "go on," you encouraged. "go!"

you watched as jesse walked away, casual at first but his stride turned into a sprint when he turned the corner, assuming he was out of view.

you laughed to yourself, standing awkwardly in the now empty stable. ellie would show up soon enough, which was good. you wanted a chance to talk to her. you were starting to feel pretty weird about how often you slept in her bed while she left for patrol in the morning.

you waited around a bit, standing awkwardly in the middle of the stables until you started to feel stupid and instead made yourself look busy. you rearranged some cleaning supplies in the buckets, and even wiped stall doors that you had already cleaned, just to look busy.

of course, ellie didn't appear until you were seemingly making small talk with a horse in the stable.

"-like it better when the weather is warm, right?"

ellie snorted, the sound cutting through the otherwise silent atmosphere that was only filled by your own chattering and the occasional horse sigh.

"who are you talking to?" ellie questioned, her tone lazy and amused.

ellie already knew, of course, but the startled look on your face was priceless.

"how was patrol?" you asked awkwardly. ellie led shimmer into the stables as you spoke.

"uneventful," ellie answered simply.

"that's good, right?" you asked, coming up to pet shimmer as she was being placed into her stall.

"uh, yeah, i guess," ellie shrugged, her tone sounding distant.

you deflated, just a little. maybe she needed some space.

"i'm gonna... get going," you announced, a little quieter than you intended but you had found your footing by the end of the sentence. finally, ellie turned and looked at you.

"what? you've been hanging around but now all of a sudden i'm here, and you're leaving?" ellie questioned, her eyebrows pinching together.

"just don't wanna be in the way," you replied, not knowing if you should take a step closer or a step further away.

"please," ellie huffed. you weren't sure if it was kind or insulting.

please like you're always in the way and don't seem to mind, or please like you're never in the way?

you opened your mouth, almost to ask for clarification, but the thought alone made your cheeks burn.

"i'm serious," you said instead, but didn't make any effort actually leave.

“of course you are,” ellie said, rolling her eyes. you caught the hint of a smile on her face though, just before she turned her back to you.

silent minutes ticked by while ellie was busy, and it was only awkward because you truly couldn't decide if you should just leave or stay. after the hesitation it seemed quite obvious that you would stay, but the dilemma made your face grow hot anyway. when did you start overthinking your interactions with ellie so much??

you really didn't want things with ellie to start being complicated, everything else was already complicated enough.

who was at fault, anyway? or was it simply nothing other than growing restless as the days grew longer?

your thoughts did a better job of occupying you than you had expected, because ellie blinked at you, unmoving.

"are you coming or what?" she asked, with that same unreadable tone that she seemed to love using lately.

you blinked. then nodded.

is this how things were going to be now? is this how they always were, you were only just now noticing?

you almost physically shook your head at the thought.

"coming where?" you asked instead.

ellie shrugged, something like a smile twitching at her lips.

you couldn't tell if she was trying to force a smile, or hide a real one and what the fuck, when did you start having so much trouble reading her?

"we could see joel," you suggested, trying to sound more upbeat than you had felt. you were in such a good mood yesterday, where did it go?

ellie raised her eyebrows at you.

"it's been a long time since we all had dinner together, just the three of us," you said nonchalantly, not wanting it to sound like a hint.

"yeah, well," ellie muttered, her gaze dropping to the ground. "a bit early for dinner, don't you think?"

"that's not really the point, but okay," you dismissed.

"what is the point then?" ellie asked, her voice suddenly more loud and pointed compared to just a few seconds ago.

the immediate switch in her demeanor caused your eyebrows to pinch together. "i thought you were.. doing better?"

the look on ellie's face was all of the confirmation that you had needed. it was the kind of expression that made you feel guilty for even bringing it up.

"sorry. i just thought.. you know, the boots," you practically stammered, not wanting ellie to be annoyed with you.

"'just being nice," ellie replied tightly, to which you nodded solemnly in return.

"forget it then. sorry. i shouldn't have mentioned it," you spoke, wiping your palms on your pants.

the fight, or, whatever it was that happened between ellie and joel was possibly the biggest and only secret that ellie had ever kept from you, to your knowledge. she was so frustratingly vague about it, skating around answers and reasons as to why joel didn't seem like her joel anymore.

they were friendlier now, more so than right after it had happened, but still it felt strained. it had practically happened overnight, much to the confusion of nearly everyone around the two, and things were still not back to the way in which they used to be.

you missed the dinners.

truthfully, you still had dinner with joel occasionally. you weren't sure if ellie knew, but you had never mentioned it to her.

considering, ellie wasn't the only one keeping secrets.

"forget it," ellie repeated quietly. for a moment, she looked kind of awkward, like she was trying to think of something else to say.

it actually sort of made you feel better.

the silence that followed lingered, but not too long, making it possible to recover from.

"let's just get out of here," ellie mumbled, so quietly that you nearly missed it. she began walking without even glancing back at you, surely assuming that you would just follow.

and you did.

you almost tripped over your own feet when you realized how seamlessly you would follow her without another word. it was dangerous, nearly.

"we could go to tipsy?" you suggested lightly, trying to catch up to ellie so it didn't seem as though you were trailing after her.

at your suggestion, ellie snorted.

"what, tough day or something? it's the afternoon," ellie denied, and you were simply grateful that the lighthearted teasing tone had returned to her voice.

"maybe another time. jesse and dina could come, we could make it a thing."

ellie raised an eyebrow, peering sideways at you as your lazy steps fell into sync.

"a thing," ellie repeated softly, shaking her head with a soft chuckle.

"is something wrong with that?" you questioned, squinting your eyes as the bright sun invaded your sightline.

"huh? no. just cute the way you always try to like... i don't know, make an event out of things," ellie explained.

your cheeks warmed, but the guise of the heat helped it to go unnoticed.

cute.

you didn't want ellie's words to linger, so you scrambled fast.

"hey, i still need to debut my new skirt, right?" you managed.

"that you do," ellie sighed. "or you could just- i don't know, hear me out.. just, put it on?"

you frowned at her teasing, even though it made your heart swell with affection. "that's boring, ellie. don't you know me at all?"

"best of all, actually," ellie retorted. you opened your mouth to fire back a reply, but nothing came.

ellie was right usually, always, when it came to you. she knew you better than anyone. in the world that you lived in, it was practically the best gift that you could give to someone that you cared for. vulnerability, loyalty. the ability to trust and be trusted. being known and feeling seen was like a reward.

sure, jackson was your home. but you weren't sure how much it truly would feel like home if ellie wasn't there.

it was funny, sometimes you had forgotten that you hadn't actually known ellie your whole life.

sometimes, you pathetically wondered what things might've been like if you had known ellie forever.

a few years ago, when ellie was prone to more laughter, she would tell fabricated stories about your friendship if you had met before. you would never forget the look on her face the first time that you had confided in her about the mistreatment from the QZ crowd.

"i would've fucked 'em up," ellie said solemnly, causing you to laugh in disbelief.

"what? ellie, i was... thirteen. you would've been too."

"yeah, and? i would've fucked them up. and then..-"

she would continue until you were in a fit of giggles, wheezing through laughter.

neither of you had much of a childhood, but ellie had some lucky moments. your time together though, it almost felt healing. despite everything.

"i know," you said finally, falling short of thinking up a witty response.

"you don't need to make any stops today, do you?" ellie questioned suddenly.

an evident look of confusion crossed your face as you answered. "hm? you mean addie? no, why?"

"just wondering," ellie grumbled, and your lips twisted into a teasing smile.

"why do you get so weird about her?" you questioned, closing your fingers around her wrist to keep her walking pace in tune with your own.

"i don't get weird," ellie disagreed, her tone bordering on childish. "i just feel like she's always judging me or something."

"judging you?" you laughed, the sudden loudness cutting through the hazy, quiet afternoon of jackson. "ellie, adeline does not judge you."

"she looks at me funny," ellie complained, wrinkling her nose.

"she does not!" you released your hold on ellie's wrist, limply wacking her arm instead. ellie only reacted by rolling her eyes.

"besides, if she looks at you funny, she probably has a reason for it," you contemplated with a click of your tongue.

"what? what did i do?" ellie questioned, her cheeks turning red.

you laughed again, loud, causing ellie to reach over and shove your side. you only momentarily stumbled, the clumsy reaction not halting your laughter.

"whatever. see you later," ellie grumbled, making no effort to walk ahead of you.

"okay, see you later," you chirped, settling your giggles but the aftermath still made your cheeks sting. ellie glanced at you quickly, and you could tell that she was wondering if you were actually going to leave.

your hand accidentally brushed against ellie's and you moved to put some distance between your bodies, ignoring the way that it sent jolts through your body.

"are you gonna stay again?" ellie asked, her tone sounding a little too forced to be nonchalant, but the attempt was there.

"at yours? sure. i feel like i haven't slept in my own bed in ages," you responded.

"you don't have to come," ellie said simply.

"no, it's not a bad thing," you clarified. really, it wasn't.

"i could come to yours?" ellie asked, a look crossing her face that you couldn't quite depict, almost like she had remembered something. maybe she didn't want to risk a run in with joel, as your dinner comment had unsettled her.

"only if you want," you shrugged.

"just let me grab some stuff first," ellie told you, to which you silently obliged with a nod of your head.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"you're... okay, you're doing it wrong." ellie's snappy tone caused you to huff.

"i'm doing exactly what you said."

"no, you're not listening."

"you're not explaining!"

ellie rolled her eyes, moving to sit closer to you on the floor.

"your fingers are supposed to stay down, right here," ellie delicately pressed your fingers into place as you hold her guitar. you have to swallow hard, willing yourself not to react to her touch.

"one finger per fret, like this," ellie explains, her voice softer as she regained her patience.

"you know i'm never gonna be good at this," you complained, letting your fingers go limp under ellie's pressure.

"then why do you keep saying that you want to learn?" ellie questioned, sitting back and dropping her hands to her lap.

"because i want to be good at it," you sighed. you stretched your arms, handing the guitar to ellie. "it wouldn't be the same anyway. i just like when you play for me."

ellie's cheeks go crimson. "shut up."

she strummed anyway, showing you how the song that you were 'attempting' to learn was supposed to sound.

you leaned your back against the side of your bed, the wooden floor beneath you providing little comfort. ellie explained chords as the dreamlike sounds filled your bedroom. you listened intently, more focused on the sound of ellie's voice than the actual information that it was providing.

you spend a lot of nights like this, being the only two people in the world, the moon being your only light until you fall asleep.

your curtains, dingy and laced, were drawn back purposefully for that very reason, you had admired the late sunset as the moon finally began to peek its way into the night sky.

the moon, the sound of ellie's voice, the feeling of your surroundings seeming slightly fuzzy from how tired you were.. you wished you could bottle up these moments and keep them forever.

in these moments, when you watched her, your feelings seemed clear as day. ellie's eyebrows furrowed in concentration, the way her fingers seemed to strum effortlessly on the guitar, the little strands of hair that kept escaping her bun and falling into her face.

surely you loved her. there was simply no other way around it.

when it was dark, you could think it over and over.

i think i love her. i really think i might love her. it would make your pulse quicken and your insides explode, but the thought was fathomable. for some reason though, during the day, it couldn't even be a question. you would deny it. you wouldn't even allow the thought to slip into your mind as long as you could help it.

you really, truly weren't sure why it made such a big difference.

"i love it," you murmured, referring to the song that ellie was playing.

"i remember," ellie replied, feeling the need to whisper though she wasn't exactly sure why. "it's why i learned it, anyway."

ellie said it so simply, so casually, that you wouldn't have given it a second thought until you noticed the way that she refused to meet your gaze, even after she stopped playing.

"maybe i will be good at it one day," you hummed.

"maybe," ellie snorted. "if you ever get any patience."

"says you," you replied with a frown. "i'm super patient," you argued, but you had a hard time believing your own words. not that you were determined to change ellie's mind, anyway. your thoughts were elsewhere.

"maybe," ellie mumbled suddenly, catching you slightly off guard. you slip off into your own thoughts entirely too easily. "if you're always with those kids. i couldn't fucking stand it."

"i guess that's true. it just feels.. different? i don't know." your slight laugh turns into a yawn as you shake your head. "jesse told me you guys are trying to put more people on patrol?"

ellie nodded, rolling her eyes. "yeah. 'been a pain in the ass, that's for sure."

"that bad, huh?" you questioned, toying with the hem of your cardigan that you had thrown over your pajamas.

"i'm just.. i don't like the teaching stuff. i just want to get it done, you know?"

you nodded, and wondered if that's why ellie has seemed more exhausted than usual. "i get it. you can't blame maria for pairing people with you, though."

"i wish she wouldn't."

"yeah, but ellie, you're one of the best. you know that."

ellie shook her head, causing more strands of hair to frame her face. you could've laughed at her dedication to leaving the few strands still pulled back in a bun, instead of just taking it out entirely.

"maybe i should sign up," you said, partly joking. "finally give patrol a real try.

"no," ellie responded firmly, a little too quickly. you had only been kidding, you knew you would be no good, but regardless her reaction was a little much.

"why not?"

"because you can't.. you're not.. it's just, not your thing, alright?" ellie huffed.

you crossed your arms and wanted to be offended but ellie was right. you were no good for it. still, you rolled your eyes and refused to make eye contact until your name slipped from ellie's lips like an apology.

"just forget it, alright?" ellie pleaded, her voice regaining its softness.

you looked at her, the lighting was dim but your eyes were adjusted to the dark that had fallen over the room. she felt the most familiar like this, like your ellie.

ellie was softer in the moonlight. maybe she felt more like herself in it, too. the way she looked now - messy hair, pink cheeks, almost gave you a dreamlike feeling as if you could spill your guts to her and everything would be fine.

"alright," you murmured, allowing your eyes to lock with ellie's green ones. the darkness was safe, you wouldn't shy under her gaze. you were brave. "i was only kidding anyway. and i know that you only said no because you know that i would be the best at patrol and steal your crown."

"okay, you need to go to sleep," ellie replied simply. she stood from the floor, stretching and fidgeting with her hoodie.

"you hate when i have fun," you mumbled bitterly as ellie crossed to your window, closing the curtains. they didn't provide much coverage, but the room was suddenly consumed with less light than before.

"you hate when i'm right." ellie reached her hand down to you, and you allowed yourself to be pulled up from the floor. ellie pulled back the bedding as you discarded your cardigan onto the floor.

there was a couch in the living room. plenty of blankets and pillows for a comfortable enough spot on the floor. sharing the bed was never a discussion, you just did. you never really considered otherwise. it didn't really seem like ellie ever did either. if she did, she didn't show it.

you tried to swallow your feelings as you slid into bed next to ellie, wondering if it was normal to always share a bed like this. wondering if it was normal to always overthink it.

"if i threw my sweater on the ground like that, you would be pissed at me," ellie remarked. you could hear the smile in her tone.

you couldn't help but roll your eyes at her exaggeration, and you hoped that she could see it. "bullshit, i would not."

despite your tone, you wanted nothing more than to reach out and swipe away the strands of hair covering ellie's face.

you honestly could have. you knew ellie wouldn't have minded, not in the privacy of your dim room. you would have, but it felt wrong if your feelings weren't purely platonic. you couldn't live in denial forever, at least not when it came to your feelings for ellie.

"liar," ellie mumbled, leaning on her arm. the proximity was daunting.

you couldn't do anything but shake your head. you certainly liked to keep a tidy space, not much like ellie, but you didn't mind her stuff around your room one bit.

"huh, that's what i thought," ellie said with a satisfied huff, as if your silence could be taken as agreement.

your brows furrowed instantly. surely she could read your expression.

"quit it," you sighed. "you're making things up. and being difficult," you added.

ellie shook her head, the remnants of her bun bobbing around the back of her neck.

"don't know what to tell you babe," she replied, the sarcasm in her voice prompting an eye roll from you.

"shut up and go to sleep," you complained, picking up your pillow and tossing it over her face.

"ow, what the hell?" ellie whined. she was genuinely making a fuss and you laughed plainly at her. maybe she really hadn't changed that much over the years. at least not when it was just the two of you.

"don't say ow. pillows don't hurt," you said simply. your lack of concern made ellie's jaw drop as she leaned forward and twisted to the side, looking over you as you rested your back against the soft mattress.

ellie was practically looming over you. you stifled a nervous giggle but didn't bother tearing your eyes away from ellie's.

she stared at you for a moment, any hint of a joke on her face quickly leaving. ellie looked like she was going to say something at first, but maybe she had forgotten or changed her mind because she only remained silent as if she were studying you.

the steadiness of her gaze began to make you uncomfortable as nerves swirled around your stomach. ellie's eyes flickered over your face, and you would've done anything to read her mind. was she actually annoyed or was it something else? ellie's lips parted slightly and your breath hitched, guilty once again for the thoughts clouding your mind.

you sat up to break the tension, say a stupid joke maybe, but you moved too quickly and your face was too close to ellie's now. before you had a moment to feel embarrassed, ellie pressed a palm to your chest and promptly shoved you back down. you fell back against the bed with a huff.

the moment of whatever it was was quickly erased as ellie tore her gaze away from you and settled back into her spot.

you didn't speak again and neither did ellie. she simply handed you your pillow and turned on her side, putting her back to you. you remained still for too long, trying desperately to settle your breathing.

you held a heavy hand over your chest, pressing down firmly as you attempted to set your mind straight.

thoughts of just friends, don't fuck up- plagued your mind for only what you could've assumed to be hours on end.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

you left ellie alone in your bed that morning.

you tried not to wonder how it would make her feel as you pulled on your cardigan from the floor and tip toed out of the room.

she must've been exhausted.

the mornings were still cold before the sunshine had a chance to warm up the earth around you, so you walked quickly through the quiet streets of jackson.

there were some people, of course, out and about, but not quite as often as usual considering it was the weekend.

you were lucky.

you were lucky to know ellie and lucky to have ellie. that could be enough. you never wanted to lose her, so you could never do anything that would cause you to lose her. you were lucky, and you would be happy to swallow your feelings and keep a secret as long as it resulted in your friendship always remaining.

your hands balled into fists at your sides, mentally pushing away any stray, worrying thoughts.

"where are you goin' all dressed up this morning?"

you halted at the familiar voice, your cheeks sheepishly growing warm at the teasing. regardless, your smile was genuine.

"to dina's, i think," you replied, turning to meet tommy. you looked down at your pajama pants and top, realizing the cardigan didn't disguise it as much as you had hoped.

tommy had been the first person to ever give you a break. even though you were already a teenager when they brought you into jackson, tommy and joel practically raised you up more than anybody else ever had. with adeline hollis included, they were the closest thing to family you ever had.

"everything alright?" he questioned, frown lines deepening.

"of course, why?" you responded, squinting curiously at the older man.

"oh, nothin'. just, ellie isn't with you is all."

you swallowed hard, swatting at the air to distract from the fact that your smile had tightened. "she's sleeping!" then, for good measure, you changed the subject. "are you getting back from patrol?"

"yes ma'am," tommy replied in a way that drew a laugh out of you.

"you better go get some sleep too then," you warned, and he waved you away.

"go on, get outta here," tommy gruffed, sending you on your way.

your steps were more hurried now and you bounced nervously on your feet when you reached dina's front door.

you figured it was your best bet.

you knocked three times, and you only had to wait a few moments before the door creaked open an inch.

"hey honey, what's the matter?" dina inquired, eyebrows rising in concern as she looked at you.

you noticeably deflated. "what? why does everybody keep asking me that?" you laughed, and it sounded a little too forced. "i'm fine!"

dina scanned your features but visibly relaxed at your words, opening the door wider. "what's up then?"

"i was wondering if- hi jesse," you cut yourself off as his figure appeared in the doorway.

"is everything okay?" he asked, placing a gentle hand on dina's shoulder.

you groaned, causing a look of bewilderment to cross jesse's face.

"she's fine," dina murmured, offering you a small smile.

"i just wanted to ask if you guys wanted to go to the tipsy bison. with me. and ellie, probably." you offered, clasping your hands together in front of you.

"it's pretty early, i don't think seth would even- ow!"

dina cut jesse off with a jab. "when?" she asked, which pleased you very much.

"meet at sunset?" you suggested hopefully, eyes darting between the couple.

you were thrilled when they agreed. of course, they had said, and you left them to enjoy their morning.

on your walk back to your house, you forced yourself to breathe steady. ellie would probably be awake, and that was fine. you were friends, and that was fine. lucky. the best gift you could ask for.

you plastered a smile on your face, swallowing down every negative feeling and emotion.

you were in a good mood. you had to be.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

tags :

@dinoastronaut @skylerwhitwyo @muthafuckingstargirl @minustwofingers @mirrorballels @macaroni676

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x you #ellie tlou x reader

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ghoulie-67-baby · 9 days

Text

Haunted - BAU team.

Summary: A particularly difficult case leaves you with death haunting your vision.

Warnings: General criminal minds issues, mentions of: weapons, suicide, injuries, explosion, fire, imagined death, anxiety attack, panic attack, anger, angst, crying, grounding exercises, exhaustion and fatigue, praise, pet names,

Pairing: BAU team x reader (Platonic/ Otherwise).

Word count: 2,011.

Having anxiety was no secret. I never was the best at hiding it and the team were well aware of how bad it could be but I handled myself when I needed to. I had tried to hide it from the moment I met them but I'd never shown how debilitating it was at the worst times.

The case we had been greeted with this morning was an active shooter and we all barely got out alive. Through having to split up and me losing my partner in the flurry of bodies, we were lucky to make it home. There was no doubt we could all do our jobs properly, we were well versed in our line of work but the horror of losing them was at the forefront of my mind the entire time, haunting me through the case as my mind ran rampant with what-ifs. I should have known it was useless trying to hide my thoughts around a team of the most prolific profilers but god did I try.

We surveyed the building, kitted in vests and guns, deducing this would be his endgame and we were right. Prentiss had my six and we worked seamlessly to scout our section of the building. But he caught us off guard with his final move. We profiled him as narcissistic, arrogant, someone who wanted everyone to know his name but never as a suicidal maniac.

The profile had been right, up until it wasn't, until we recognised some of the floor tiles were fitted with timed pressure bombs. The whole building was a ticking time bomb and we didn't know how long we had until it blew. Our communication lines with each other screeched with shouted warnings of the issue and on three we all ran to the closest exit. Emily and I were the closest to the exit, and the rest of the team spread out further into the death trap.

My chest heaved as I ran as fast as I could, pushing Emily out of the door before she could argue, the pair of us skidding to a stop at a safer distance as the bombs blew the building to pieces and flames engulfed the remaining structure.

The feeling that flooded my body as flames licked at the sky was indescribable, throwing me straight into a rational panic. Frantically, I scrambled towards the building, dodging falling smouldering debris in search of my team, my family, begging for them to be alive. Arms snaked around my waist and yanked me back, my eyes wide as I tried to read Emily's words over the blaze, shattering and sirens. At least she was thinking straight. My heart and stomach were in my throat, tears blurring my vision as I gave up fighting her grip. Penelope's voice was the first thing that filtered through the racket, tears evident in her voice as she begged us to answer, for us all to be safe but I couldn't find my Voice.

My knees practically buckled beneath me as Rossi's voice cracked in my ear followed by the remainder of the team, confirming everyone was present and accounted for. We all got away with bumps and scratches, a sprained wrist or ankle from jumping the building but otherwise unscathed, at least physically.

The day played on repeat in my head as I stood in my office back at the BAU, fake scenarios trampling through my vivid imagination as I watched the team through my blinds. Even David and Aaron were out of their offices, relief clear on their faces as they laughed and joked together. Every so often, they would look over at my window and I would make out I was busy, knowing if I joined them I would bring the mood down and my body would shut down. They had seen bad days, they had experienced their own bad days but they hadn't witnessed me at my worst and I wasn't sure I wanted them to.

My knees trembled as I walked around my desk, sinking into the plushness of my chair but it brought me no relief. Often, I used my job as a way of coping or pushing things away so nobody would see me break but today that method was far too little for what I was feeling. An hour dragged by in a concoction of sweating hands, shaking limbs and the occasional faint laughter from my team. No matter how I tried to drown the world out, I just felt worse, each moment getting more unbearable.

"Jesus Christ," I grated out through clenched teeth, holding my hands behind my head as my chest tightened. "What am I doing?" The question seemed mocking in the silence as I ran my fingers over my face to gather myself. Steadying myself, I took a deep breath and towards the door, White-knuckling my files before exiting my office and walking along the catwalk to Aaron's. Eyes instantly locked onto me, following my steps as I fought to regulate my breathing as rapid breathing created spikes of pain in my chest and head. I let out a silent plea in my head for the world to swallow me up, grappling with my image to stay composed.

A shaky hand rose to swing open the door, stumbling slightly towards his desk as tears began to take my vision. The files all but fell from my hands as I doubled over, my hands gripping the edge of the desk as I poorly attempted the breathing techniques Spencer had told me about but instead, black spots danced across my vision. It didn't take long for the team to notice my blunder as the sound of footsteps filled my ears, curiosity and worry permeating the air.

I didn't move from my leaning position as they filed in, closing the door and blinds as I struggled to control the broken and ragged breaths that squeezed from my throat. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself not to cry, not to break as they watched.

Not here. Not now.

The flare of pain in my chest shocked me as my hand slapped to my chest in panic, palpitations knocking my heartbeat off course. Images of their mangled bodies flooded my mind, each of them lying motionless at horrifying angles in the rubble of the building. The sight of my family lying dead in the dirt as though they were raggedy dolls caused bile to rise in my throat as I glared at the floor.

"Y/N," Emily's voice rang in my ears, her dead lips moving in time. "What do you need?" Scalding tears streamed down my face as I let out a cynical laugh. Why would she ask me that when she was the one lying ripped apart and covered in dirt and soot? What I needed was the least of my worries. Being caged in my own head scared me more than anything and anger quickly rose as I shook the bars, wanting to escape, wanting to move. What I would give to laugh and joke with them in this moment. And yet I knew it was in my head, knew that Emily wasn't really dead but my own brain refused to acknowledge it.

The anger quickly boiled over, becoming unbearable, as I launched an empty glass from Hotch's desk at the wall, sobs clawing from my throat as I dug my nails into the wood in an attempt to ground myself. I tried to filter the facts into my mind; I was safe, my team were alive and trying to get my attention, the world was locked out leaving us in the soft light of the office and I needed help. God, I needed help dealing with this, I couldn't do this one alone.

"Y/N, let's get you sat down." My head shook, betraying me as I let go of the desk, trying to straighten up. The action was instantly regrettable as my head screamed at me and my legs collapsed under me. I gritted my teeth in pain as my head throbbed, joined by pain radiating through my spine and butt. Wonderful, just to add to my plate, I was now ridiculously embarrassed. Heartwrenching sobs worked up in my throat and escaped, leaving me pained and vulnerable to my whole team who were scrambling around me, making sure I wasn't hurt.

My body was unexpectantly hauled into a pair of arms, fight or flight kicking in as I tried to escape them, the room filling with breathless whimpers and wet gasps from my cries. My eyes were tight as vices and the burn of their eyes simmered through me, witnessing my weakness. I loathed that they were seeing me like this, especially at work.

"We've got you, Y/N, We're here." I tried to focus on David's softened voice, gripping his arms as they held me, back resting against his chest. I felt a shift as someone knelt beside us and my eyes shot open, more tears forced from them as the blurry image of Spencer came into a wavering focus. Gentle fingers rested against the pulse point on my wrist as my body vibrated with effortful breaths. I stared up at the tiled ceiling, teeth chattering as I let the pains in my lungs and head run their course. The rest of the team has taken up space in the office, on the sofa, office chairs and even the floor. They'd made such an effort to make me comforted with just analysing the space around us and making themselves fit into it rather than towering over me and making it feel worse.

"Remember the breathing techniques I told you about, stay in the room with us." I nodded shakily, watching with haunted eyes as Spencer's hand circled my other wrist and placed it on his chest in an attempt to have me breathe with him. David's steady, strong heartbeat thumped against my back and I sunk into the feeling of them as JJ's hand came to rest on my ankle. The heat of it burned my cold, clammy skin as slowly but surely my breaths came easier, my eyes cleared of spotted vision and the tingling feeling in my hands and feet subsided. My breathing was still a little unsettled, hiccups emerging between small sobs as my team, my family, encouraged me.

"You're doing so well," Penelope's voice was gentle and sweet, similar to how you would speak to a scared child and the irony stung a little. "You want some water?" I nodded, scrubbing at my face only for silent tears to replace erased ones. A brightly coloured bottle was thrust gently into my eyes and I gratefully took it, gulping down the liquid to soothe the sear in my throat. Shivers began to run down my spine as I calmed down, teeth chattering as the chill overtook and my eyes geared up more as Aaron removed his suit jacket, wrapping it over me as a comforting blanket. My body was trembling as though my blood sugar had plummeted and fatigue set in quickly as all the energy drained from my body and I slumped bonelessly against the older agent.

"Hey baby doll, you got through it, you're okay." I took a deep breath, a small smile twitching on my face as Derek praised me. "We're proud of you."

My eyes began to flutter as I fought to keep them open, gentle murmurs of voices filling the space as the room settled down. Aaron and David's voices registered in a low, soothing hum, barely registering through my exhaustion. Time seemed to dawdle by until I was carefully lifted into strong, warm arms, carrying me across the space and laying me down softly on the sofa. I hummed a thank you as a blanket was draped over me along with the suit jacket and my head nestled down into Emily's lap as the smell of Penelope's lavender laundry detergent wafted from the blanket, lulling me to sleep alongside the gentle nails grazing my scalp.

#criminal minds x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfiction #bau x reader #bau team #aaron hotchner #david rossi #derek morgan #spencer reid #dr spencer reid #emily prentiss #jj jareau #jennifer jareau #Penelope Garcia #reader imagine #reader insert #x reader

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boldlyvoid · 1 year

Note

No pressure blurb request for Eddie: "Please don’t touch me. I can’t fall any deeper."

(Actual line not required but I like the feeling)

absolutely bestie! thank you <3

he's been having dreams about her for months now. they started out as nothing serious, little appearances and funny moments that made no sense mostly... and then his brain decided to conjure up a whole life with her inside his dreams. a life where she held him in her arms and kisses his forehead, she made him laugh and smile and she married him. she wore a ring with his initials engraved in the band, she wore a beautiful white dress and her hair looked perfect and she kissed him at the end of the aisle...

that dream took a while to recover from. then he had a dream that she had his kids. he had dreams about holding their babies, ones who looked so much like her and had his attitude. he snuggled them close, and they cuddled all together in a big comfy bed with the sun shining through the windows and the birds chirping and it was perfect. then he woke up. it always broke his heart to wake up... to reach out for her and only find his pillow because she wasn't really his.

she's just a friend.

he has to get that through his thick skull before he accidentally wraps himself around her and kisses her on the cheek, or the back of her neck or her shoulder... it would be so easy, too. she's always so close, it just feels right to want to reach out and give her some love but he can't... until she makes it almost impossible.

a group camping trip was supposed to be a fun way to have a vacation together. they'd all take a vehicle, they'd bring tents and supplies and smores and they'd spend a weekend at a lake 3 hours away from Hawkins where they could just be normal. it was a great idea until they had to separate for the night. Steve and Robin take a tent, Nancy and Jonathan head into the back of her station wagon, the kids are in a huge 10-person tent that ted wheeler bought, overjoyed to know they'd be leaving his house for a weekend.... leaving Y/N with Eddie.

the back of his van is stuffed full of blankets and pillows, he wanted to be comfortable in the night and he didn't even account for someone sleeping with him... it was BYOT. bring your own tent, he brought a van, and he expected Y/N to partner with someone like Robin or Max and El. Not him. but he can't say no to her when she asks ever so sweetly, "can i sleep in the van with you?"

so now he's here, laying completely flat on his back, blanket tucked under his chin as he stares at the ceiling. there's enough room between them for a third person, he's so close to the wall of the van it's like he's afraid she's going to bite him or give him cooties or something. he's so scared of her. and she can feel it too.

"Eddie?" she moves closer and he tenses.

"what?"

"it's cold, don't you want to cuddle?" she pouts, bringing out the puppy dog eyes.

he shakes his head and keeps looking at the ceiling, he can't give in. not when it means something completely different to him. "please don't touch me... I can't fall any deeper."

it takes her a moment to realize she did hear that right. "Eddie... baby?"

"Don't," he pleads, begging with his eyes. "you can't lead me on, I'm so gone for you already I won't recover from a night of cuddling with you."

"so don't," she shrugs. "fall completely sickly in love with me and let me take care of it. let me shower you in care and kisses and comfort and praise. let me love you."

the anxiety of loving her in secret for so long all comes out in one simple, wobbly-lipped, "please?"

she pulls him into a hug and cradles his head and kisses his cheek gently, "I thought you'd never ask... I've wanted to tell you for so long, Eddie."

he laughs then, pulling back so he can look at her, "since when? if I knew you liked me back I would've done something about my crush ages ago?"

"I thought being subtle would help... little touches and sweet compliments and making you things I know you'd like, those were all my attempts at showing you I care," she explains. "but if you want me to come on stronger I can tell you I've been dreaming about loving you for ages."

"I've been dreaming about your love just as long," he admits.

"you don't have to dream anymore," she looks at his lips and then his eyes and back down to his lips again.

he can read her a lot better now that he knows it's mutual, so he lays her back against the makeshift mattress and hovers over her. she reaches up to brush his hair back behind his ear, leaving her hand on his cheek, "are you gonna kiss me?"

"can I?"

she nods, "please?"

he leans in slowly, watching her the whole way until their lips meet and both of their eyes close. she hums with contentment, relaxing under him as he breathes her in, pushing into her slightly before he pulls back, barely. their noses touch, he smiles at her and she steals another kiss, and then a third before she starts to giggle.

she brings up her other hand to hold both his cheeks, "i love you..."

"I love you," he says, shocked and in complete disbelief that this is real and happening and not another dream he'd regret in the morning. "I love you so much."

she pulls him in for another kiss and another one after that. he had a feeling she was going to kiss him until the sun came up and he was okay with that. more than okay with it. he wanted to live here forever, right in this feeling of newness and tenderness and excitement. it's everything. she's everything he dreamed of.

maybe he can actually see the future... he was always meant to be here.

#eddie munson #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x fem reader #eddie munson smut #stranger things #eddie munson imagines #eddie munson imagine #stranger things imagine #stranger things season 4

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cas-backwards-tie · 9 months

Text

Chapter Five: Threatened to Reset

Bruce Wayne x Daughter!Reader

Heiress of Gotham

Masterlist | Previous Chapter

Summary: With the family's help everything is planned for the big move. A trip to Bludhaven to organize, pack, and move all your belongings leaves the past to be drug up. How will they react to your home? Will any secrets be found? Will emotions rise? Will your past be disclosed? It's all up to you... and maybe a crime boss and his goons.

Words: 4.3k

Warnings: The usual Banter and Bickering, Cursing, Knives, Threatening, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Arguing, Fighting, Shame, Guilt, Fight or Flight.

Mentions of: Sex Trafficking, Criminal Activities, Police, Drug Busts, Prostitution, Assassins.

A/N: There's a lot of information to digest in the chapter, and really what was meant to be one chapters I actually am going to have to split up in order to make them manageable. It's been awhile, and while I'm still trying to figure out how to manage my life in the sense of hobbies, work, my health, a possible second job, and extracurriculars, I request you all be patient with me. I definitely do have more in store, yet for now this chapter isn't proofread (at least the beginning and end) I just need to get this one out.

Having discussed tomorrow’s events as a group at dinner, your Father let you lead the charge in what would happen with your apartment’s belongings. Decided on packing everything up and either donating the things you don’t need, storing the important things, and transporting the things you do need, it all was simple enough. Nothing a little packing tape and rounds of boxes won’t fix.

Starting the day with a hearty breakfast from Alfred, you all packed into a minivan you didn't know or think the Bruce Wayne would ever own or have anything to do with. Nevertheless, the ride was fairly timely to get to your old apartment building. Saying hello to the few neighbors coming in and out who you recognized and knew, you led the gang the seventeen flights and begrudgingly let them inside. You knew sooner or later they'd out where and how you lived. It definitely isn't as nice as Wayne Manor, but of course, what else could you expect?

Assigning everyone to different spots and or groups of items in the apartment, you really feel like they went for overkill. A welcoming and slightly overwhelming sense of love blossoms in your chest as they really didn't all need to help, but everyone insisted on coming. Even Tim's girlfriend, Stephanie. How nice, you think, for someone to actually care that much to go out of their way. Family almost congesting the apartment, you focus on your room and belongings. The fact that Damian hasn't even made any rude remarks (that you know of) is surprising.

After almost everything is packed and it's a few hours past noon, Alfred gets tired. Damian insists he's spent enough time in this 'hellhole' and almost demands that Alfred take him home. With the time having gotten away from you and some of the others, it seems to no one's surprise that Tim and Stephanie also apologetically explain their need to leave. They have homework they need to get done; and with that, Alfred agrees that it might be best to head back to the Manor with everyone who needs to leave. Dick lives in Bludhaven, so there's no surprise he'd stay, and while Jason has his motorcycle, he says he doesn't mind staying until it's all finished. Bruce having come separately after checking in at work explains that the two of you can drive back together once everything's done. It'd been lucky enough that he'd brought his car, and not one of the nicer ones, either.

Searching all the nearby boxes, you don’t find it. It’s nowhere to be seen, and if it’s not here then that can only mean one thing: They took it. Opening up the box near the kitchen you retrieve a butcher’s knife. Hand gripping the handle tightly you storm to the front door and lock it.

“Woah, woah- what’s going on?” Jason asks, hands raising in concern as he stops boxing the books that’d been on the nearby shelf.

With a tense look in his eyes, you adjust the knife in your palm, getting a better and more sturdy grip on it. Other hand rising to your mouth you place your pointer finger before your lips. A tacit command of ‘silence’. Jason’s fear had drawn the attention of the other two, though you ignore them as you quickly storm through the living room and down the hall.

Eyes flitting back and forth out the window, up and down the fire escape you quickly return with the same fervor you’d previously held. “Why do you have a knife?” Dick questions.

Back to the front door, you simultaneously listen to the hallway, hoping that if anyone were to come, you’d hear them first and be ready. In the attempt at a raid via bursting in through the door, at least you’ll be the first one in the line of fire able to protect everyone. While the worst case scenario always pops into your mind first, you’re not oblivious to the measly chance this could simply chalk up to coincidence. Holding out the knife, you point to each man in the room as your gaze shifts between them.

“Look. There was a gun in there last time we were here. It’s always there. If none of you have seen it, let alone packed it away… then we have a big problem,” you reveal. Knife pointed in the direction of the safe that's now open within a drawer of the tv stand, it's clear that everything else has been packed away.

Between the couch and television diagonally to your left stands Dick. Hands raised, he holds a stoic expression as he stands closest to the safe. His blue eyes flit to Jason. Knife shifting toward him, he too stands with his hands by his waist, palms facing you. Eyes filled with confusion and concern, he shifts his weight as he stands across the room in the corner between the kitchen's counter and beside the opening to the hallway. His green eyes shift to Bruce.

Before you can even turn the knife on the man closest to you, diagonally standing in the kitchen opening to your right, someone speaks up. “I took it,” Jason announces. All eyes dart to him and you watch as he slowly starts to reach around his back towards his waistband. Out of the corner of your eye you spot Bruce move.

“Don’t!” You warn, stepping back and pointing the knife at him. He’s not going to disarm you. Eyes back on Jason, you motion with the knife for him to place the produced gun onto the table between you two. Gun dangling from his fingers, he doesn’t move, so you gesture again with more of a ferocity this time. “Put it on the table.” It’s a command, not a request.

He slides it across the table. Three steps close the distance between you and the item. Though Bruce could easily do something behind your back, just out of your peripheral vision now, you focus on the task at hand. One look at the gun has you skeptical; face tense, you use the knife to turn the gun around. The examination is short. One flip of the gun onto its other side and a quick lift into your hands to make sure the safety is on, you release the bullet cartridge to find that one bullet is missing. With a click of the cartridge locking back into place, you toss it back onto the table.

Storming back to the door where you're at a far enough distance from all of them, your forearms rest against the splintering wood, face buried within them for a moment to gather yourself. Slowly turning back toward the men, but more specifically Jason, you glare daggers at him. “Why didn’t you just tell me you had the gun when I first mentioned it missing,” not waiting for an answer, your head tilts a bit as you don’t play his game. “Nevertheless, did you really think I’d be stupid enough to not recognize that that’s an entirely different gun? So what’s your game?”

Silence lingers. Jason knows he’s fucked, and they all know it too. Why did he think she’d fall for that? It was worth a shot, sure, but the real gun is still back at the Batcave. However, she can’t know that. “There’s no game,” Bruce says your name, a sincere look in his eyes.

“I wasn’t asking you,” you bark, knife turning on him as he tries again to take a step closer. His hands are still raised in an attempt to de-escalate the situation.

The silence is expected, however, the smile that creepily inches across your lips is not. A shift of the knife in your palm has you gripping the handle in an underhanded approach, ready to stab, rather than slice. “Ha,” you scoff, “I knew it… too good to be true. I can respect the lengths he’ll go to play his little games, but this is just beyond fucked. A ploy to what? Fuck with me, pretend to be my family, and now what? Kill me? I knew it. After yesterday, I just knew it was coming.”

“What are you talking about?” Jason asks incredulously, a hint of anger and fear within his tone.

“Who?” Dick asks coldly, taking a step closer.

“Antonio Marin?” Bruce asks. Eyes darting to meet his, you shift the knife in your palm again to get a better grip on it.

“Oh, you wanna play it this way? Act all fucking coy and innocent now?” Gears shifting, you eye the other two men. “Unless he’s just another victim to his plan, I don’t buy it. Richest man in the world and he’s a good guy? Yeah? No.”

“Should’ve known,” you sigh, shaking your head. “BPD? Too obvious.” With a sad smile and tears beginning to threaten your eyes, you chuckle. “Well if he wants me, then go ahead. I’ve got nothing left. If I’m the last piece to the puzzle then do it. Kill me. It’s three to one, I know you’ve got a gun and more than enough bullets to take me.” You thump your chest with your free hand, open, ready to accept your fate. “Do it! Shoot me, Jason. Right now! Kill me.”

As if the reality of the situation suddenly dawns on you, fear readily replaces the confidence you’d just boasted. Backing up against the door you shift the knife in your hand to a stabbing position again, as you continue to shift it, unsure which approach will be best in your defense. Suddenly you're terrified of what’s to come. “No… no. Three big men on one teenage girl?” The way Jason had hesitated, it’s apparent. “I knew he was expanding the business, but like this? NO.” Chest heaving with rapid breaths, you’re suddenly running on pure adrenaline. Panic sets in as you know what the man's got planned for you. “If you want me then I’m not going down alone. I’ll kill myself before I let that happen to me- and if that doesn’t work then I’ll mangle myself SO badly that nobody will buy me,” you threaten, voice deepening in a terrifyingly chilling way.

Placing the knife against your neck, you’re more than ready to take yourself off the table. You won’t let that happen to yourself. You won’t let anyone take advantage of you that way. A punishment worse than death is something you're not willing to participate in, nor offer.

Dick calls your name in a calm tone, one far too calm for this situation. “This isn’t any ploy, or game. We don’t work for anyone. If you think someone’s after you, you need to tell us. We can’t help you if we don’t know what’s going on.”

“Oh,” you relinquish too easily, knife falling back to your side. Turning to face the door your eyes settle against it for a moment before spinning back to face the man. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that Officer Grayson from the BPD was here! I’ll just tell you everything so you can either arrest me or take me out on his behalf!” With a step toward him, you raise the knife by your side again. “Do you really think I’m that stupid, Grayson? That I wouldn’t realize you’d try to get a confession out of me, record this- have them take a voice memo? This isn’t my first rodeo.”

"It's not like that. We're just trying to help! You can't seriously believe this is all some conspiracy against you," Dick argues. His voice is still calm, and while the raised brow elicits a begrudging irk and prick of paranoia in your mind, his words do nothing but continue to cause the gears to mentally turn. "If someone wanted to take you out there would've been easier methods. You would've been dead weeks ago."

A wry chuckle leaves your lips, a knowing smile still set on your features as you two stand off with one another. "Sure... if it was anyone else. Yet that's not how he plays his game and you know it."

"You still think I'm corrupt?" Dick asks, shifting his weight to lean into his hip on one side.

"How could you not be?! Look at me and tell me that you're not! That you don't know about Perdy Chapman, or any of the sabotage the BPD plays," you demand.

"I know about the sabotage. I don't know about Perdy Chapman, but if you know something," he recites your name, "you have to tell us. I can't do anything or help anyone if everyone's keeping secrets."

"What? So this is all a loyalty test? An attempt to get me to come back? There's no way he's that desperate."

"Come back? You worked for Antonio Marin?" Bruce pipes up, concerned blue eyes turning on you as he shifts his gaze between you and Dick. Hands still up in surrender, he takes a step towards you.

"Quit fucking with me! If this is because he thinks I'll rat, I won't! I'm not a fucking rat. We got out, we left! We don't owe him anything!"

"If you know where he is you need to tell us," Jason voices his concern, also taking a step closer. "No one is taking you back, no one is gonna hurt you. I'll be damned before that happens." Jason whispers your name, garnering your attention as he gives you a serious look, "If you think he's after you, we need to know. We can't help you if we don't know what's going on."

With a stomp and a slash of the knife by your side as you realize they're right, you won't do this without a stipulation. "Fine! But... I can't go to the cops. I can't... file a report. I can't do anything. Promise me-" you respond, voice starting off confident until his falls short of a whisper. Jason nods, starting to close the space as he pulls out the last chair remaining at the dinner table.

"No cops, you got it. Just... tell us what happened, what's going on," Jason concedes, hand settled on the back of the chair.

As you shake your head in decline toward the chair, Jason easily swivels it around and sits on his backward, attention on you. As you place the knife on the side table by the front door, you start to pace. "I... don't know where to start," you voice your thoughts.

"From the beginning," Dick encourages, voice gentle as he realizes Jason has made progress by building a rapport. Something he hadn't realized he could be making more of an effort towards, he supposes. Even if he already feels like he's done more than he can for the girl.

As the Detective sits on the back of the couch and Bruce leans against the wall, your eyes can't help but find his... your Father's. "I... I can't-" you realize. Steps coming to a halt, you find yourself face to face with the last person in your life who you feel like you can't lose. The only person you need to impress, to suck up to.

"This is important," Bruce says your name, head tilting further downward as he offers a more straight-on look with your height differences, not to mention the sympathetic look that cross his features.

Eyes falling to the floor, you shake your head. "I can't. I don't want you to look at me differently, and I know you will. There's no way you can't." It's a warning, a vague divulgence on the subject matter. There's no way this conversation can happen without someone's impression being changed or shifted. It's just not possible.

"That won't happen," Bruce reassures.

"There's no way it can't happen. You don't know!" You argue, hands gesticulating the emphasis of your seriousness.

"This is your safety we're talking about," Jason reminds.

"We all have pasts," Dick reiterates your name, "we've all done things. It won't change anything."

"I promise," Bruce adds on, following up with Dick's words. Crouching to be on your level, he holds out his pinky, and while part of you hesitates, the seriousness in his eyes begs for a piece of trust. An inkling of hope, sincerity, vulnerability, trust. Wrapping your much smaller pinky around his, you shake on it.

As he lets go and returns to leaning against the wall, they all sit in anticipation, waiting for you to speak. "From the beginning?" You question.

"From the beginning," Dick echoes again, trying his hardest to be patient. With a tacit gesture of his hand, he guides you to sit on the couch cushions. Despite his offer, you choose to sit on the floor in front of the couch, back leant up against it as Dick chooses to sit in the armchair to the left of it. Jason comes closer, perching himself on the edge of the tv stand, while Bruce lingers by the back of the couch to your right, still in your periphery.

"It... all started about, I don't know, two years ago?" Jason nods in encouragement, a sign for you to keep going. "I don't- I don't know exactly when, I can't really place a time or say because I didn't know- I didn't- I never thought- I mean," the words tumble from your lips as your thoughts begin to race with the memories. Heart beating faster, there was never a definitive point in time you could place. "He just... started coming over. After-" swallowing the thick lump that forms in your throat, the faint burning sensation of tears threatening to start welling up becomes real. "-Mom got laid off."

"Mhm," Dick hums, hands clasping in his lap as he expresses the fact that he's listening.

"Everyone knew who he was. We all do, but of course, you're nice to people you don't necessarily know. You don't wanna start any problems. I guess Mama met him one night when she was out with my Tia. He said he could get her job back, that he could help her make money again, that we wouldn't have to move, to get evicted. He'd get her job back. So he did. She didn't ask, she didn't even want her job back after everything they said and did to her, firing her just because of her skin- but... he did it anyways. He got her job back at the hospital and even got her a promotion. How? I never asked, but if you know Marin, then I guess you can imagine how."

"Then he told her she owed him," Bruce speaks up as you take a breath. His tone is definitive, certain, as if he knows. A shake of your head lets him know he's wrong.

"Of course, she went back to see him at the same bar. She thanked him, we all did... but that wasn't the end of it. He said if she ever wanted anything more, a side job, extra money, anything else, that he could give her that. That all she need do is ask." A sigh escapes your lips and you subtly shake your head again. you know you'll have to tell them. It'll get there eventually, yet there's no way of knowing how they'll react. "They became friends. I always thought he liked her, that's why he was so nice."

"But he showed his true colors, didn't he?" Jason comments, a dangerous and almost vengeful tone in his voice as he leans forward so his elbows rest on his knees. His hands curl in and out of fists as he listens.

"No... he was... just nice." Finally looking up to meet their eyes, you gauge the room. Each man has a different expression on his face, looks of curiosity, intrigue, suspicion, and anger all around. "He'd be at the parties, come over, take us out, have a drink. He became a part of the circle, at least... for a while. I think it all changed when Mama said no to him. He asked her out, and she finally understood why he'd been so nice to her. Yet, that didn't change anything. Being friends, he was still coming around. Maybe he was doing more, becoming more distant, but not much changed. He kept offering, and offering, and eventually I think she figured if she had control, and it was something he'd offer, then how could it hurt? It was only after that year and once the gifts died down that, well..."

"What?" Jason raises his eyes again to meet yours as he'd been mulling over his own thoughts for a moment, head in hands. A chuckle shakes his chest subtly as his hands shoot out in gesticulation. "You can't just say 'after that, well...' and not finish the story!"

"Come on, Jase-" Bruce gently reprimands with a look.

"It's clear there's more," Dick interrupts his Father to address you, still in the position he'd been in. Eyes intent on your figure as he waits for an answer, a scowl on his lips.

"I finally asked him if there was any way I could do something. Something small to make money; like mow someone's lawn, pet-sitting, house-sitting... things like that." Eyes falling to the pilled carpet by your sock-clad feet, you pick at the fluffy brown fabric. "I had school. My mom would hate me if she knew I asked him, but everyone else was getting money, and I figured if he was like my Uncle or Dad it's normal to ask for those things... I think." Hair falling over your shoulders, it masks your face as you rush to get the rest of the story out.

"He... had me do jobs for him. It was easy. Deliver presents, bouquets, envelopes, packages, things like that. No problem, lots of people do that, right? But I was making at least a hundred every week, if not more, and, and I didn't think about it. It was easy money! I could buy whatever I wanted, I could save, I could spoil my friends, my mom... I never thought about it until I... got curious." Words trailing off, you risk a glance up at Dick. Tucking your bangs behind your ear, his expression is immovable. He's stoic; a pickup of heartrate leaves you anxious as you haven't been able to easily read him like many of the others.

The movement of Jason's lips slowly opening garners your attention, and as his eyes widen you quickly duck your head back down again. "You were..." he tests the waters.

"So one day I decided to stay. They never opened their packages in my vicinity. Never opened the presents, envelopes, packages, or undid the bouquet. It didn't feel right. I haven't gotten many presents in my life, but I'd think if I got a big one like those, I'd open it right away... see what it is." Continuing with your story, you didn't give Jason even half a fraction of time to finish his thoughts. "So I delivered the package like normal, watched them count out the money and hand it over before I was on my way. Around the corner, I was halfway down the block when I realized I could probably wait it out, hide somewhere across the street and watch them from one of the store windows. They wouldn't notice. I could just put on my hood, if anything, and... well, then it-" eyes shifting back up to Dick, you don't look away this time, "-it happened."

"I hadn't realized it but parked on the opposite side of the road and right by me out of sight from where I'd come there were cop cars parked. Cops lined up with their guns pulled, batons and riot shields ready. I froze..." At this moment it seems like the gears in Dick's mind are finally starting to turn and place things together. "I thought I was caught, for something I only suspected, but... within seconds the cops were ushering me out of the area while the second team were busting the gang of boys I'd come from for having drugs."

"They were using you," Bruce states, an air of sympathy encased in his word choice.

"You were a mule f-" Jason affirms.

"-But that wasn't the end of it," Dick says confidently, his dark blue eyes still set on you, unmoving, a quirked brow joining his visage. "You said you're out. So if that's true then how'd that happen?" He asks, finally shifting in his seat as his head slightly tilts. It's almost as if he's testing you. "Exactly," he clarifies.

"Once I realized what was happening I ran home. I-" jaw clenching, your eyebrows furrow as you don't want to have to admit this. Especially not when Dick looks so confident and arrogant. You know he'd seen you that day, just like you knew you'd seen him. A silent staring match follows,a few seconds, before your resolve crumbles upon the memories. "I told my mom. I was crying, and she was shocked and surprised and angry and mad and I didn't know what to do! I didn't know where to go or who to tell, and I knew she'd be mad but she said she wasn't mad at me, but at him and that it was okay because she was gonna get us out of it. We met up with Anto- with- with Marin," you correct yourself. "We demanded out, and... he let us go. He said we were free to go as long as we didn't say or do anything that went against him. MY mom didn't want us involved with him anymore."

"He just 'let you go'?" Dick reiterates.

"Yes. That's it," you reveal, a shrug following as you don't bother to make eye contact. "Now you know!" The revelation leaves you upset and unaware of anyone else's responses. You just know that this changes everything, now that they know... they know that you're a bad person. You dealt drugs. You worked for a mobster. A gangster, a criminal; you stocked up drug money, saving it, keeping it. Blood money, one could even claim in earnest... and you couldn't argue with them.

~~~~~~~~

forever taglist: @ohdamnadam , @safarigirlsp , @jynzandtonic , @moonlightsolo

hog taglist: @luvly-writer , @clairese1980 , @theroyalmanatee , @azazel-nyx , @nightrose-18 , @vanessa-boo , @ih4temy5elfs0b4d , @agent-nobody-knows , @scarlett13 , @hoeinthehouse

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unhappy-last-resort · 3 months

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Astral Desires (Yandere Watanabe x Commandant GN Reader)

Warnings: Obsessive behavior, stalking(?), sneaking into your room without your knowledge, mentions non-con fingering, touches you in your sleep but nothing nsfw

A/N: This was sitting in my drafts for too long. Inspired by that out of pocket secret his astral frame has, that as far as I know, is not given any context or explanation so I assume he's just secretly insane and honestly. Fair.

Not proof read, please lmk any mistakes or improvements.

The lounge was quiet, save for an occasional patrol by the Gray Ravens checking in on their Commandant and making sure nothing was out of the ordinary. They've failed.

Watanabe knows this because Lee hasn't noticed his presence at all and he's willing to bet that he'll leave without checking every nook and cranny. Maybe one day he'll teach him to properly check for enemies without disturbing the Commandant, maybe. Right now though, their lack of awareness made sneaking into your room all the easier.

Lee appeared in his vision once again, doing his final cursory check of the lounge. Watanabe moved with him, staying crouched while evading his line of sight and the lounge security camera until Lee finally exited the room. Thankfully, Babylonia upgraded his Astral frame significantly, replacing his old stealth module with a new one and even adding additional modules and settings to enhance his abilities, turning what was an outdated frame into one that provided him with more of an edge over enemies and proved useful in ensuring a few deals for the Forsaken went smoothly. He should thank you for encouraging him to take it despite his dislike of Babylonia, he thinks to himself. Having verified the coast was clear, and knowing that the none of the other Ravens will make their rounds again for quite some time, Watanabe quickly opened the door to your dorm and entered, silently observing your dorm room as the door shut silently behind him.

Watanabe rolled his shoulders slightly, now he could relax a little more. He stood up straight and slowly walked to your sleeping form, not bothering to hide his presence save for his sound suppression module. You had a thin T-shirt on and he didn't care to guess what the sheets were hiding, he already knew. The artificial moonlight shining through your window illuminated your face beautifully, although he hated that you left the curtains open like that, he had to admit that he never tired of this sight. This was his and his alone.

During the daytime hours you're always putting on a brave face, keeping it together for your squad and others around you so they don't see the way your fingers trembled ever so slightly during the Space Station mission, or your anxiety as you're being shuttled to another mission, wondering if it's your last. At night however, it was different. When you think you're alone you'll let down your high walls and let your shoulders drop under the invisible pressure you always feel with every step. Sometimes you cry, stare at a wall in thought, or write in your journal. Watanabe always liked when you did that, because that's where all your unfiltered thoughts and feelings are put down. He's read every single page more times than he could count. It brought a faint smile to his lips, thinking about all the things he knew about you. You never opened up to him unlike the humans at the Forsaken HQ and his patience started to wear thin after a while.

He couldn't help it. He wanted- no, needed to know you more. Who were you under the heavy title of "commandant"? What were you like before? What would you be doing if it weren't for the Punishing Virus? Would you be happy if you lived on Earth, or do you prefer to live among the stars? Are you loyal to Babylonia or your companions? He wanted to learn so much about you, but you always kept a distance. He could feel it, he could feel an invisible wall you would put up, barring him from getting any closer and from your secrets slipping out, but you...you were like a flower blooming in the desert. Beautiful, resilient, and wonderous, can you blame him? Can you blame him for finally cracking and taking things into his own hands?

He moves towards your window and draws your curtains closed, careful not to be visible from any potential passerby. After all, your sleeping form and all the thoughts and expressions you don't let anyone else see is for his eyes and M.I.N.D. alone. He walks towards your bed slowly, as though he might wake you even though he knew you wouldn't, not even if he pried you open with his fingers. He only knows that because it done it a few times, oh how sweet your soft little whimpers were as you would squirm and writhe in your sleep. The memories tug a small smile out of the corner of Watanabe's lips and his eyes instinctually drag away from your face and down to your thighs at the thought.

Watanabe gently brushes the back of his fingers against your cheek, admiring the way your warmth seeps into his synthetic skin so easily, making his M.I.N.D. hum in satisfaction. He wonders if you'd ever let him this close to you if you were awake, he tilts his head in thought as his fingers brush your skin. Perhaps it's best that you don't, your position as a commandant might be put in danger if you allowed him to display his affection for you this way in public.

He pauses. Affection? Is this really affection, or just obsession at this point? He'd throw away everything for you if you asked him to. He would abandon everything if it meant he could have you, if it meant you'd devote yourself to him the way he does to you. God, if such a thing exists then grant him this one prayer.

Let him stay by your side until your youth fades and your body wilts and withers. And in your final moments, he'll capture your conscious and your memories so he can keep you and protect you until eternity.

Yes. Watanabe smiles softly as he gently lays next you, inhaling your scent and feeling your warmth. You are so naive, so trusting, but it's alright. He'll keep you safe. He's been around for longer, seen the deluge both humans and corrupted bring, he knows what's best. He knows what's best for you, he just needs you to trust him more. Watanabe slowly leans forward and softly kisses your cheek as his nose brushes against your skin.

"I'll keep you safe, Commandant. Even if you struggle against me, I'll make you come to me in the end."

#yandere watanabe #punishing: gray raven #yandere pgr #pgr watanabe #pgr x reader #watanabe x reader #yandere x reader #yandere watanabe x reader #cw noncon #nonhuman #yandere fic #yandere robot #unhappy writings #punishing gray raven imagines #punishing gray raven #yandere punishing gray raven

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ax-y10 · 10 months

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Step Aside

In which- Wilburs excited to see the Front Bottoms play, but you aren't so thrilled to be crowded in.

A/n: I'm pretty sure I recall the front bottoms playing at shaky knees and I got a real quick idea.

Chapter info: slight panic attack, crowded place, swearing, unnoticed anxiety (brief)

Pronouns: None (You/Yours)

Masterlist:

---

Wilbur didn't notice your increasing nervousness of being in a crowded area, to excited to see the Front Bottoms playing live, jumping around with his bandmates. You were previously squished up against his side, but now you had your phone out ready to text him telling him you were going to the bathroom.

He didn't realise you were starting to walk off until Joe tapped on his shoulder and pointed towards your distancing figure.

"Will? Bud? Y/n is over there. Go see what's happening for us, yeah?" Joe pointed out.

He looked over and saw you turning a corner, and that's when he started to rush towards you.

"Excuse me, sorry. Please move-" he trailed off, finally reaching your form, stopped when you heard his all-too-familiar short breaths, noted from when he gets scared of worried.

"Darling?" He whispered loud enough to not scare you, but also to not alert other people attending the festival.

You held out your arms on either side so he could wrap his arms around you, and that he did. He held you tight but not too tight, and kissed the back of your head to calm you, feeling your rushing breaths.

"Sweet? Match my breathing for me, please?" He spoke frantically, your breathing becoming more sparse and stuttered.

In, one. Hold, two. Out, three. Hold, four.

Ultimately calming down, you twist in his loose hold and bury your face in his neck, your slow tears falling down his shoulder.

You've never been good with crowded spaces your entire life. People think it's irrational: "How stupid? How are you going to do normal things?" One person stated. "Fucking pussy. Get over yourself," A kid in your school stated. The bullying got worse as you kept speaking about it to your close friends, your so-called trustworthy friends shared the secret. Your family also didn't help. They put you in Summer camps, made you do the shopping each week, made you do many activities that required you to be social, supposedly trying to cure your fear. You somewhat got over your fear, but this festival just broke down that barrier.

You broke away from the hug and went to sit down against a border near the edge of the festival, a few people scattered around but not too many to overwhelm you, him following you like a lost puppy to sit with you.

"Wil, you can go back over to the band. I don't mind. I'll stay here." Bu the denied everything.

"I've let them know I'm over here so I'll stay with you just to make sure you're okay."

You smiled and looked over to Wilbur to watch him jump along and sing along. He doesn't like festivals that much, much like you, but you loved how he was enjoying it so much, and it made you fall harder with each song that passed.

Your favourite song started playing but it didn't register in your head as you were too busy looking at your boyfriend jamming to one of his favourite bands. Once he looked at you and smiled, bobbing his head to the music, a large smile plastered on his face, did you realise it was your favourite song.

You soon got over the almost panic attack, and started enjoying yourself a bit more, however you were still at Wilbur's side listening to the various songs playing.

But everything came to an end eventually and once everyone was collected (after being hunted down by Ash) and back in the van, did you finally sit down and fully relax. You'd changed into warm, over-sized clothes from your boyfriend and laid down next to him in his small bunk, scrolling through your messages, winding down for the night. Little did you know, he was watching your smile appear on your face everytime you read the words "I love you" in a message.

"Are you having a happy session at the moment, Love?" He snapped you out of your thoughts.

"...no" You said mischievously, being incredibly obvious as it was a lie.

He threw his arm across your waist, taking your phone and pushing it under his pillow along with his, and snuggled his face into your shoulder.

"Wil, you can't fall asleep before me," You joked, but he grumbled and pushed his face harder against your shoulder.

"Don't get all pouty, I'm sorry. you can go to sleep."

And you watched him fall asleep, listened to his sleepy noises, and felt him relax into your touch as he got increasingly tired, leading you into a deep sleep.

#wilbur soot #wilbur soot imagine #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur soot fluff #wilbur x reader #lovejoy #shaky knees festival #wilbur #ax blabbers #Ash kabosu #Joe Goldsmith #Will gold #lvjy #marl boardman #fluff

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thequietkid-moonie · 1 year

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The Forger with an autistic child

[ PLATONIC HEADCANONS ] [ Anya, Loid & Yor ] [ Spy x Family ]

I HAD to do this, I wouldn't be in peace with myself if I didn't do this, seriously is just that they are a really cute family 🥺🥺

You were in the same orphanage as Anya, you two were really close friends, for being consider weird for the other kids you two always stuck together (you were the only one Anya talk to)

Anya may not understand exactly your autism, but she understand that there are things that makes you uncomfortable or even hurt so she help you avoid them, also she doesn't see anything bad with your "strange behavior", she easily adapt to whatever you do/need

Whenever you go non-verbal or semi-verbal is not a problem, she can easily read your mind, that could make you find out about her power, at first she try to cover it, but at the end she will admit it but beg you to keep it as a secret, and you do

When Loid come to adopt a kid and get interested in Anya she makes sure he adopt you too, she wasn't planing to leave you behind, and thats how you became officialy a family

You had your own room, but if you had problems adapting to your new house Anya offer you to sleep together in her room (or yours), but if you decline she will let Chimera in your room to make you company (Anya give to Chimera the important mission of keep you company at night until you get fully adapted and comfortable in your new house)

It won't take long for Loid to notice your autism, but he won't say anything right away, first will try to find out if you know what is autism and that you have it, knowing it or not he will take time to explain it to you and try to discover how exactly affects you

Loid have an incredible power of adaptation, and if he need to adapt the house for you to be comfortable he will. He will make sure your room is decored at your liking and full of things of your comfort!

Also, Loid is really caring with both of you (even if he doesn't want to admit it), so he is going to be careful with how he treat you until he identificate all your needs, he will memorize them to take them always in consideration

If you have food sensory issues then he won't cook with whatever you don't like, and have no problem with cooking your comfort food whenever you want, but also will try to keep a healthy and balanced diet. Still, if there something you dont want to eat Anya will eat it for you if you eat her carrots

When he meets Yor and offer her the deal he makes sure to tell her about you, at first he just tell her that you have autism but when they get married and she move to the house thats when he give her more details about your condition and needs

To be honest Yor really wants to be your mother but is scare to do so, she is scare to do something wrong and upset you, specially if are having troubles to accept her (changes can be difficult to handle)

Yor will take the longest time to adapt, but that doesn't mean that she didn't likes you. She will try to remember all the things that triggered you or the things that help you to be able to take good care of you

For a while she probably were so nervous that even treat you like if you were made of glass, so Loid will have to reasure her that its fine, she didn't have to be so nervious or careful, he will teach her how to approach to you, even Anya will try to help! (and if you yourself approach her, maybe to apologize or to reasure her that she is fine Yor will be on the verge of tears)

They always try to avoid whatever triggered you, but in case you ended getting overwhelmed both are quickly to react and help you out. Anya too, since she can read your mind she could easily know when something is bothering you and she is ready to help you too

We know they are pretty protective parents, so in the case that you get overwhelmed or even start getting an anxiety attack by someone's fault they could take care of it rather easily (Yor is more direct while confronting the person), if it was an accident with an apologize it would be fine, but if that person did it in purpose then they won't be able to get away so easily

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futurewriter2000 · 4 months

Text

Needing You

A/N: I'm going to pull so much of personal experience from this that even I might cry at the end but I don't cry so I let's see how far I have healed. Not even gonna lie, this was harder to write than I thought. - It deleted itself in the middle of it so I had to REWRITE IT- but it turned out better than the first time.

REQUEST 15: "Optional("hey! I love your writing, so here's a request: could you do a shot about Remus X fem Slytherin who's James sister and they both have a secret relationship, and when he (James) finds out, Remus and the reader have a really strong fight when he says something like "he's my best friend, you're only an experience" (be free to change this) and they both broke up, and the reader doesn't even talk to james but rather just... isolates herself. nended however you like but IM BEGGING make it like really sad =)nHave a fantastic day! <;3.")" #wattpad

The sky was clear as day. It was the night and you had decided to finally swallow your anxiety and go out with your brother's friend. Your brother didn't mind. He just expected it to be a herbal gathering mission with his sister, when Remus told him about it. He didn't know the two of you were walking around the lake for three hours, holding hands because you almost slipped. Wishing you had planned that slip but you haven't. You put sneakers on in the winter- you haven't thought much with your head when it came to Remus. You just wanted to be next to him... and you were.

Your anxiety was piling up but you couldn't stop smiling. He was shaking, since he was only in a thin black T-shirt and a fancy coat that did not provide much warmth. You marveled at the stars and he pulled you close, showing you all the constallation you knew. You haven't been watching the stars. All the time, you kept thinking about kissing him- having your first kiss with your brother's friend, on whom you had a small crush when your brother was small. You completely forgot about Remus until a few weeks ago when you started to spend more time with your brother, as well as his friends.

The kiss happened on the bench. The lake was in front of you, the stars above and he simply leaned in, finally providing some warmth on his body.

This film has been replaying in your head for the past seven months. Every day, you rewatched it in your head, it seemed to be more magical. Every day when you saw him, touched him, kissing him- you fell in love deeper.

It was as if you were going insane just by loving him. You wanted him by your side all the time. It wasn't as if it wasn't difficult, seeing his friends forcing other girls on him when the two of you were sneaking around, knowing each other's bodies pretty well. You knew every scar, every mole, every inch of his body. You believed he knew yours as well.

Remus was a nerd. He pretended to be cool and collected but he just spent 20 minutes explaining medical propreties of three kind of herbs and how other wizards- Healers even can mix them up.

"What?" he said, quirking an eyebrow as you stayed quiet, smiling at him.

"What what?" you smiled brightly, your eyes glimmering with pure joy.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked.

"Like what?" you fixed your facial expression, hiding away the emotional depth you felt for this boy.

He stared at you for a moment and moved away from you. "Nothing." he said, starting to get dressed.

There it was. That awful feeling. That feeling of not knowing what he feels.

It always came to this. The two of you could talk forever into the night or into sex but never could the two of you talk about your feelings. You wanted to tell him. You did. You wanted to tell him that you were deeply obsessed with him. That you adored every single thing about his character and body- but there was a restrain. There was the familiar lump in your throat that blocked you from speaking any further.

He always had excuses. He was not good enough for you. He can't ruin his friendship with James... he's not looking for anything exclusive at the moment.

You moved to your pile of clothes and started to put on your underwear. I swear, your razor has never been so used in your entire life than in the past few months. You smiled at that and clicked your bra on.

He didn't even notice that your undergarments were matching. Something you felt as if your effort was for nothing, but you felt good when you did things like that. For him. To please him- do it for him... because you loved him.

"Hey..." he was by your side and you got startled a bit from your train of thoughts.

His eyes were lustful and his hands were possessive of your body. You smiled and wrapped your hands around his neck. "Hi." you said as his hand grabbed the hem of your underwear and let it go into a snap on your hip.

"This is really nice." he smiled, watching your breasts in your perky red bra.

"You like?"

"Haven't got a clear view before... but now that I do..." he said and tightened his grip around your waist. "You smell so good..." he continued, but this time it felt more as a growl than a whisper and he purged your lips with his.

It felt as if two universes were collapsing. That's how it felt, kissing the forbidden fruit for him and for you. Even though James presented a small obstacle in the way of your relationship, the whole secrecy seemed to be more exciting, causing more passionate interactions between the two of you the more you two continued this.

He backed you agains the bed... again but you laughed, pushing him away but holding onto his shirt collar. "We have to go, you know that."

He wailed like a small puppy. "I don't want to."

You pulled him into a kiss, just as passionate, just as strong and so hard to let go of it. "I-" you tried but he deepened it in that moment, causing you to heat up and back up on the bed as he crawled over you.

He raised himself up and tool a long look at you, just laying there as your foot found its way to his chest. He took a gentle hold of it and moved it onto his shoulder. "You're so beautiful."

And that was it. Small words, small gestures- you went for it all. Your love couldn't consume him all. It always wanted more.

These moments, your soul didn't care. It was happy, you were happy and you were glowing. Only your roommate was the one who knew about your secret and she didn't agree much with it. She said he didn't treat you as he should.

But you were happy and that was all that mattered.

"I love seeing you this happy but I'm so afraid that you'll get hurt." your roommate said as she made her way to your bed.

"He wouldn't hurt me. He said he would never hurt me."

"I don't know, (y/n)..." she continued but you only laughed and smiled. Something in your heart was so full of love that you couldn't keep it in. Even James thought there was something wrong when you hugged him more than you usually did.

He suspected something was going on with you but he had no clue what.

Or that's how you thought.

Remus came into the room and just as he closed the door, somebody pushed him against it. Defensively, he pushed the person away from him. "What the hell?!" he shouted and saw a pair of furius brown eyes staring at him. "James?!"

"Were you with my sister!?" he shouted, not as if he was asking, simply waiting for Remus to tell the truth he already knew. But how could he had found out. "Tell me!" he snapped, pushing Remus' shoulder. "Tell me that Peter didn't see you leaving Room of Requirements with my baby sister!"

Oh, that's how.

Remus shot his eyes at Peter, than back at James. His eyes let loose. He was tired... and ashamed. You and him talked many times about getting caught but he thought the two of you would end by now... but you didn't.

"It just happened mate."

"Fuck you, Moony!" he pushed him again. "Did the two of you kiss?!" he asked. "Were you her first kiss?!"

"Yeah, okay!" Remus lifted his hands in defense. He felt as if he was being interrogated by the Ministry at this poing.

James only stared at him for a minute, than turned around and ran his hands down his face. He mumbled something under his breath- something Remus couldn't hear.

He then turned around really carefully, trying to control the boiling blood that kept flooding into his brain. "I'm not even going to ask if the two of you shagged- I'm just going to tell you this." he said calmly, however, you could still hear the fury in his voice- the one he never used before, not once in all years of friendship. "You are going to my sister and you will tell her that it's over." he warned. "She doesn't need this Remus. What you have- she doesn't need this." he threw knives with his poisinous glare.

Remus couldn't even argue with him. He knew that this was the reason why James would never let the two of you be together. You didn't know... you didn't and it wasn't your fault but he started this mess, and he felt as if he owed it to James to finish it.

---

By now, you knew something was off. Whenever Remus seemed to stay away from you, you got a strong feeling in your stomach. The two of you could talk it out, always but this time, the feeling was extremely powerful and deep inside, you knew that it wasn't good.

So you avoided him too. You simply felt... afraid...

And James knew. He knew Remus hasn't spoken a word to you yet because you seemed to be cheery and all over the place. Jumping from one friend to the other.

'She seems so happy.' - he thought at first, seeing you talk to one of your friends from class. 'I'm glad he was her first everything... but she can't go through with this. She'd break.' He looked at Remus, who stared into the book, ignoring you completely.

James stood up and walked to him. "Go talk to her." he said, more of a warning than a suggestion. Remus looked up at his friend's eyes and saw the demand in his darkened look. "Now." he finished and walked away.

Remus watched his best friend walk away, Sirius hiding away in discomfort, meanwhile Peter was lost in his own world. He looked at you on the other side of the room and just as he did, your eyes met. His heart stepped a beat, not knowing that it matched yours on the other side.

He shuffled in his seat for a second or two but cleared his throat and walked up.

It didn't take a lot of convincing to let you come with him. You loved him. You would be by his side every second that counted, if it wasn't for the circumstances the two of you were in.

The sky wasn't like before. It wasn't clear as day but it was still just enough chilly. He was about to graduate soon and you will go into your last year. You haven't talked about it yet but maybe this will finally be the conversation that clears all that mess up

You thought.

He couldn't get himself to say it. Your eyes shimmered so brightly- even on a day like this. How could he do this?

"Umm..."

You smiled and took a hold of his hand. "It's me Remus. You can always talk to me."

He swallowed hard and flickered his eyes from your hands to your eyes.

And then it was cold.

"James found out about us... and for me, I think, it's best for us to end this now. " he said, not letting you interrupt him when you started to process information. "I think it's best that we end this." he continued quietly, removing his hand from yours and avoiding your eyes... but you only stared, not blinking once... only stared.

He tried to smile but it wasn't sincere. At least not in your eyes. "We had so much fun- (y/n) but-"

"No..." you spoke weakly, clearing your voice and not letting a single tear fall from your eyes. "You can't just break up over this. James can understand- so he knows."

"No, (y/n)... listen..." he started but you interrupted him before he could continue.

"Why do you want to end it? Finally, James knows-"

"James doesn't want us to be together." he started to get more harsh with you.

"Well, that's his problem, not ours." you snapped back.

"What do you mean it's not our problem?! He's my best friend!"

"And he's my brother- if he was a real friend, he'd be happy for you."

"If he's a real brother, he'd make us break up!"

"What does that even mean?!"

Remus threw his head back. He cannot tell you. Not this. He could tell you a lot of things but the why... that he couldn't tell you. "It means it's over." he stood up.

"Don't you walk away from me!" you shouted behind him and grabbed his arm, turning him away.

"What don't you understand!?" he shouted back, pointing at his head with his fingers. "We were never meant to be, (y/n). It was a ride but we get off now!" he pointed at the floor, steaming from all the fury.

'Why couldn't you just let him go?'

"Oh, it definitely was a ride!" you scoffed, crossing your arms as he narrowed his eyes at your sarcasm. "But you're going to let one James get in the way between this?!"

"Yes!"

"Is HE THAT IMPORTANT, HUH?! WHY DID YOU EVEN CHOOSE ME THEN?!"

"YES!" he screamed at this point. "He is MORE important than you. He is MORE than you will ever be to me!" He lost his temper, blubbering out everything he thought. "I didn't choose you! You were just there- JUST FUCKING THERE- at the right place at the right time- THAT'S WHY YOU AND ME WOULD NEVER WORK OUT. You were an OPPORTUNITY!" he shouted, letting his eyes darken and glare at you maliciously. "And I took it gracefully." he finished in a low growl, his eyes shimmering when all of a sudden you took a step back.

...

...it's that how it felt?

It was like a click in his brain. He was too harsh. He was- you're still James' little sister- he still... "Shit, (y/n)..."

You pulled your hand away from his touch as he tried to take a hold of it. Physically, it wasn't possible for your world to be shaking at the moment... but somehow it has and you couldn't see.

"It came out really wrong-"

And your heart could, in logic, not hurt phisically. Hertbreak is psychollogical but then why did suddently feel as if it had been ripped out of your chest. A hole... a deep dark hole in your chest, sucking every last bit of your soul into it.

"(y/n), please say something. You just stepped on a nerve and I got angry-"

Was the world always this silent? Were the voices around you always this muffled. You couldn't hear, you couldn't feel.

You took a hold of your cold arms and the cold didn't hurt. Your fingertips... as blue and swollen as they were, they didn't pain.

"Come on, let's get inside."

You wish, you could have ran away but your legs felt numb, so you wobbled as far away from him as you could. The first corner you turned to, the moment your legs collapsed and you slid into the floor.

'Was I really this stupid?'

'What just happened?"

'What will my roommate say- she'll mock me-'

'He probably feels so great now that he knows I was in love with him.'

'Why does it hurt so much?'

Random thoughts came through your head. One running over the other- one as random as what to wear tomorrow. But the air was cold and you felt as if you deserved to freeze in it.

The stupidity, naivety and the immense ego death- everything has destroyed you. They say words cannot hurt you but they can. If they say it right, if they say it in the truthful manner- in a manner intended to hurt you... you?

So you thought back to the night the two of you first kissed. He said, the right place at the right time... that's all you were to him. A girl, who was there for him to use. A girl, he had no feelings for, not close to what you felt for the past few months. He kissed you and touched you, he had seen you naked and it didn't mean anything to him. He meant everything to you.

You were stupid. You thought he loves you. You thought you were special when he kissed you. That he found you attractive, beatiful- as he had said but you were just a day given opportunity.

If there was a monster that day, there, he would have kissed it. Because it was just there. Not because it cared for him, because it was his brother's best friend and it had trusted him with itself- no because the monster was just there, by the lake, at the same time like him.

Nothing. You meant... nothing.

---

Grey... the colours were grey. Every single one of them was gray, different shades of it. You promised yourself, you wouldn't let anybody affect you but you couldn't help the feeling in your chest, this soul sucking hole causing your whole body to ache. It felt as if your heart wasn't even there. He ripped it out and destroyed it.

You barely woke up, but you had to... for school. You had to go to school. Not that you cared anymore. You simply just existed. It was as if you couldn't remember when you got out of bed and when you got back into it. Time flew by like it didn't exist at all.

You didn't even know when one week passed by. It just did and nothing much mattered. You sat behind your desk and wrote your Transfiguration paper. It was when you were almost done when he altered your brain and there was the big pain in your throat. You swallowed it, closed your eyes and felt them burn.

You have to finish this. - you thought.

So you did and you forced him away. As soon as you did, you went to the bathroom and washed yourself. Then simply crawled to bed at six pm. It was your ruitine since then. You took a journal, you wrote it down, realising you cannot write things down without crying, so you grabbed the pillow and pushed it to your chest. You squeezed it so tightly in the meaning to place it into the empty hole in your chest.

It didn't cover, so you cried anyway. You did. No matter how hard you tried, you cried.

You don't remember what you talked with your roommates. You plastered a smile and nodded but avoided pretty much everybody.

Everything was a no for you.

A walk? - No.

Hogsmeade? - No.

Dinner? - No.

Study group? - No.

Roommates were a nice distraction but it wasn't enough for the pain. Even when James sent you a note, you always replied with a no. It was automatic by now. You said you had to study or that you were tired. You needed time for yourself. You needed to find your self-worth again because for the past months, you let your happiness depend on one person and that person just took all that happiness away from you.

So what you needed? It was work and sleep.

---

James knew you were heartbroken. He knew he was the annoying sibling but he wasn't used to being annoyed by you. You had always kept your emotions to yourself. The two of you weren't close emotionally but you had your own share of fun together. When he asked Remus when everything started, it was just around the time your bond started to get better. The two of you would spend much time together and you weren't so stuck up or annoyed at any slight inconvinience.

He never saw that side of you. The one that was emotionally opened to him. He didn't know it was Remus the sole reason for that. You were happy, excited and... well, in love. But it was the wrong person. Remus has something that he didn't wish for you to deal with. You were always the rebel of the family. He was the golden child but you were your own person. You didn't talk back t your parents as he did but you did all the things that you wanted. You did everything you wanted. That was your own magic. You were a rebel but you were a kind and understanding person.

James is the tough one in the group. He is the leader, the great one... even in your own family, he is the golden one, the perfect one but you always understood him the way nobody else did. You saw him, behind all of that facade. He loved being around you. You were his safe place. You were... his sister. The sister who gave him all the unsolicited advice and was there for him when nobody else was.

He didn't see much of you and most of the time you ignored his letters and messages. The times he did catch up to you, you excused yourself to go study and he knew you were furius at him because at times, you'd snap at him, throwing harsh words at him.

He knew you were sad and heartbroken but he also knew you'd move on sooner rather than later. You were just dramatic. Women always are.

It was to his surprise when he walked into the classroom and saw you sitting at one of the tables, laughing and smiling with a Ravenclaw his age.

It was Newt's and you were one year behind- so there was no reason you should be there.

Remus was more surprised than James. If he was bound to find out, he couldn't do it now. The protocol was to sit down and take the exam. No talking, no turning around but nothing could make him focus without knowing the truth about your attendence at this exam.

He could hear the professor something whisper in your ear but he couldn't understand it. Maybe, the professor realised you weren't supposed to be there either.

But nothing happened. You mumbled back and you stayed.

It was up until the exam was over when he turned around to see your chair empty, your robe disappearing behind the door. He ran after you but James had already caught up.

The two of you were already arguing.

"What do you mean you're graduating early?" James bulged his eyes out.

Graduating early?- Remus thought. You? Why would you ever graduate early, you hated studying.

"Why not? I've already taken most of the exams and I passed. McGonagall said if I roll up my sleeves and grab the whole thing, I can do it but the chance is small. Yet, here I am." you smiled and that twinkle in your eye that was known to more people to be the twinkle of up to no good.

What were you up to?

"You can't. You don't have any recommendations- not- no." James couldn't piece it together.

"Yes. I'm graduating and I am moving to southern Europe and I am never stepping foot in England ever again."

"Southern Europe?!" James shouted in disbelief. "You're shitting me?"

"I'm not. I have a plan to leave. I always had."

"That was your fairy tale. To live in Italy or Greece or some shit." he started to laugh.

"To be away from here." you said angrly. "I hate it here. I always had."

"No." said James.

"Yes..." mumbled Remus but nobody heard him due to the loud arguing between siblings.

You always said about leaving when the two of you were together. The beach, the culture... you said you felt as if nobody supported you here. The rebel of the family. You confided into him about how you felt there was zero effort made to make something out of you. All attention was always on James and that made you rebel in your family. You didn't want to be like James but everybody forced you to be at least somewhat like him. You said, how people take you for granted, underrating your power.

I guess, this was you taking your power into control.

Before he knew it, you were storming one way and James the other but unlike last time. He chose to follow you.

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" he shouted behind you.

"Watch me." you turned around to see him then back around to turn a corner.

He caught up and took a hold of your hand but you snapped it away as soon as it touched you.

Of course, you wanted to see him. Of course, you wanted to talk to him, you craved him but you were furius beside all things. God, you could have screamed at him right now and hug him at the same time.

"You can't do this because you're angry at me. Don't take it on James." he started but you laughed.

"You think, I'm doing this for you?" you laughed, poking his chest with your finger. "I just grabbed the opportunity, Remus. I was just there, at the right place at the right time." you lowered your voice, quoting him.

"Come on- you don't know the whole background-"

"No, you know what Remus. I chose you. I fucking chose you to be my first. That means that I decided to trust you with my soul as well as my body and trusting people isn't easy for me." you continued. "I let you in- quite literally- but I thought we were something and you surely played the role to make me feel that way." you smiled forcefully, hiding away the feeling in your chest. You had no idea how a heart that is no longer there can still break.

"I really cared about you. I still do."

"You moved on, two weeks after us." you finally let him show a bit of your emotions. "Two fucking weeks and another girl was under your arm- God fuck, Remus. The hell is wrong with you."

"A lot..."

"Fuck you for playing the victim all the time." you pushed him hard. "Fuck you- fuck you- fuck you!" you continued to shout angrily. "I won't play the victim because I am not one. I'm moving on- away from fuckheads like you." you spat out. "Because you could have had somebody who would have loved you for everything that you are. You won't find anybody who will be prepared to love you as much as I was. Remember that, Remus Lupin. You won." you threw your hands up in defeat and walked away.

And it was one of those things that stick with you. It stuck with Remus because he didn't see you anywhere else anymore. Neither did James. He didn't know whether you were dead or alive. The graduation, they both looked for you but nowhere.

You disappeared from his life and it was until then when his life started to fall apart for him. You told me he could be whatever he wanted to be- even an auror. You supported him the way nobody else could and you accepted every flaw. He knew you would love him even more if he told you his secret but he thought.... he thought the two of you would stay friends. He thought, he had time with you. He thought he would appologise and the two of you would eventually talk.

He needed somebody. He needed somebody to talk to- always. Sirius was in Azkaban and James was dead. And all he could think about was needing you.

#marauders #marauders imagine #remus lupin #remus lupin imagine #marauders era #remus lupin x reader #james potter #james potter imagine

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ireneaesthetic · 1 year

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Pointing out little moments and details of scenes that need to be remembered.

music room scene • episode 5

i'll never shut up about edvin and omar's acting and this scene is one of the best ones hands down. insanely proud of them.

quick reminder: it's not me taking any side, but an analysis as objective as possible of little moments i like to dive more into.

wilhelm's astonishment when he finds out simon’s song is about him. he was so caught up in his own thoughts and internal conflicts that he didn’t realize it, not even when he heard it standing right there and simon kept looking at him until his cheeks were blushing, pouring his heart in every word he wrote and was singing for wille to listen.

side happy note: this means the adoration on wilhelm's face, hearing simon sing at the ball, was out of pure love and pride towards him.

they are frozen in place, wille's eyes staring but simon's are kind of lost, like he's dissociating for a moment - he zones out.

the camera work in this scene is *chef's kiss*: the way it approaches simon closely and then moves from one to the other, focusing last on him. it captures his emotional state and makes it relevant for what comes next. perfectly done.

he has to put himself together and look away before the "yesterday was a mistake". he gets what it feels like: he's been through this before in the first place - "we should maybe forget about it" - and he wasn't ready either to have his hope and heart shattered by hearing the last thing he wanted to.

simon knows his words will hurt wille just like wille's hurt him back then. they're heartbreaking to hear as much as to let out.

he barely looks at wilhelm before turning around and heading to the door, not even waiting for a proper reaction from him.

it reminds me of the time simon saw wille shed a tear in front of him and walked away as soon as he stopped talking, cos to stay would've only hurt more - this is exactly it.

the camera that gradually zoomes in and the shot getting so close we can easily read wilhelm's every. single. thoughts spinning in his mind.

simon's step back, a physical response that we’ve seen before in relation to wille's behavior - during their first fight in the music room - and it basically comes from his tendency to distance himself when a negative sensation or situation arises.

it's like a defense mechanism.

the impact simon's sarcastic smile has on me istg.

it's more than anger, disappointment, sadness - he is so done. in his pov all he knows is wille kept something crucial a secret from him and there's no valid reason to justify it. he lets him speak, he listens, but can't take it.

wilhelm's silence to simon's words is just as powerful: he didn't know what he chose to do to protect him would turn into the mistake hurting him the most. it caught him off guard, in a 'this is all my fault' type of way: it's fair for simon to be mad, he's completely entitled to feel this way about him, so wille doesn't fight back.

their teary eyes make it x100 sadder.

it's like a vicious circle: wilhelm acts according to what seems best for him in order to fix things but, whenever he tries, he can't make it right. he just wants simon back into his life, but ends up watching him leave eventually - again.

he entered the room to check on simon and clear things up, not expecting to find himself alone with growing anxiety and all he cares about (re)falling apart instead.

#young royals #prince wilhelm #simon eriksson #music room scene #wilhelm x simon #wilmon

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heresthestorymorningglory · 7 months

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Under Your Spell - Part 1

A/N: Hi my darlings 🧡 Happy Spooky Day 👻 I've had Dead Man's Bones (iykyk) on a loop today; it is in fact my Christmas and my gift to you is a 4 part Driver series Approach with caution; as per usual it's an 18+ NSFW but on top of that this one has a stalker warning, some voyeurism and also got a tad violent. it's not TOTALLY Dead Dove, Don't Eat but it toes that line, so if that's not for you, just don't okay?

I can't post without giving credit where credit is due; this thing took on a life of it's own and if it weren't for @ken-dom and @travelerwashere it wouldn't be what it is; I can't thank you both enough for your constant support and inspiration (at all hours of the night) and keeping me from spiraling down the anxiety rabbit hole you both know I tend to lose myself in <3

Title credit goes to my fellow Goosecord compadre @webbo0, that tripped me up more than usual this go 'round

ANYWAY; Enjoy my loves 🧡👻

Edit: I also have to add (because I know you're here and the tag on a reblog made me howl)

If you know me irl and you saw this....No. You didn't. (You know who you are and I love you for your support ;) <3 but no you didn't)

Pairing: Driver x Reader (18+ NSFW)

He knew he shouldn't be, it was wrong, but you made it so easy….

You followed your routine like clockwork; you didn't live the most exciting life, work, home, and back again most nights. You lived alone, no boyfriend…a couple of friends, but even they seemed few and far in between.

He tried not to pay you any mind….at first…

But then he would catch glimpses of you late at night, a silhouette against a curtain that almost gave away your secrets as you pulled your shirt over your head, stepped out of your pants, unhooking your bra…you tease.

He bit down on his lip, cock twitching between his legs, threatening to make his already snug jeans unbearable.

He stood cloaked in the darkness of his own house, not wanting to draw attention to himself so lights stayed out, watching as your shadow disappeared and reappeared in front of the window.

The thought of you strutting around your house naked was enough to make him moan out loud.

A gloved hand wandering to the front of his pants, popping the button open, giving him only the slightest bit of relief.

You had moved back in front of the window…taunting him.

Fingers curling around his hardening shaft, squeezing a little harder than intended, breathing hard through his nose.

God, what he wouldn't give to just-

He groaned, bracing against the wall, fingers curling against the plaster as his other hand was coated in his release.

He stood up straight mindful to peel off the soiled glove before tucking himself back in his jeans.

A quick glance and your window was dark, you had gone to bed.

He let out a sigh, alleviated but not satisfied. He wondered if he'd ever be satisfied and scoffed rolling his eyes. Of course he would be….one day…you would satisfy him…and even better, he would satisfy you.

One day, soon; You would writhe under him, beg him for more, harder, faster. But until then…this would have to do.

For weeks he watched you come and go. You were a vision, especially on the days when you didn't try at all…

Today you had dressed in a snug v neck sweater and an even more snug pair of jeans. He watched from the front window as you climbed in the passenger seat of a sleek red Cadillac; from his vantage point, he couldn't tell if the driver was a male or female but it didn't matter, he'd had other plans today…

As soon as the car disappeared around the corner he pulled on his gloves and slipped out the back door to avoid attention.

Getting into your backyard was easy enough, there was a small gate that connected your house to his….a smart addition by the previous owner if he did say so…

Your back patio door wasn't exactly hidden from view of the neighbours, but the lock popped easier than the deadbolt on the front door.

You didn't have an alarm system, this neighborhood had a reputation for being "safe". You had mentioned as much to him in passing once. He had told you he thought a security system would still be a good idea since you had lived alone, and you had just shrugged.

You obviously hadn't taken his advice, so he had needed to protect you. Keep you safe.

The door slid open with ease as he pushed around the curtain, sliding it closed again.

The house was quiet. He glanced around, slowly making his way deeper into the living room. It was simple, but had your personal touches everywhere. Photos, books, knickknacks.

Your laptop and a half eaten bagel sat on the coffee table next to what he assumed was a journal.

The laptop would tell him things but a quick tap of the spacebar and it asked for a password. So you protected some things. The journal would surely be more telling anyway.

He picked up the leatherbound book, flipping open the black cover and skimming the words…it was a gratitude journal and you wrote in it, every day, religiously.

Each page has relatively the same prompt for each day, forcing you to choose one thing you had been grateful for, what you were excited for on that particular day, a thought provoking prompt, sometimes two and an evening reflection section.

Out of curiosity, he flipped to the page marked with a piece of ribbon and you had written today's date.

Jesus…even your penmanship was beautiful. Meticulously crafted loops, one flowing seamlessly into the other.

But the rest of the page was blank.

He sat on your small couch, flipping through the pages, filled with your beautiful scrawls. Page after page letting him in on your most intimate details.

Your favourite books, your favourite meal, your favourite time of year. Everything he ever needed to know was in the palm of his hands.

Then something caught his attention "the neighbour"

Did you mean him? No. You couldn't.

His eyes scanned the page again and sure enough he hadn't read what he wanted to read, right there in ink were the words the hot neighbour

He stared at the words on the page waiting to wake up from the dream he was certain he had drifted off into.

But he didn't wake up, he was awake. This was real.

He cautioned flipping through a few more pages, looking for any mention of him. You couldn’t have meant him…that would just be too serendipitous.

Something else caught his attention though. A prompt that read 'What is your favourite feeling'

You had written three simple words. The pink panties

He was curious what this pair in particular felt like…

He put the journal back, pulling himself up from the couch and wandered through the kitchen and towards the front of your house where your bedroom would be.

You lived in a little bungalow, like the rest of the neighborhood, one of your bedroom windows faced out towards the road, the other….faced his house.

You lived a simple life he’d noted, it seemed like you weren’t much for the flashy expensive things on the surface. Your bedroom was like you, elegant, soft, simple colours. Your vanity stood against one wall, your desk and bed against the other….made…you were neat…mostly. Your closet door had been left slid open; everything from dresses to sweaters hanging neatly, save for the top that had been thrown on your bed, he assumed you’d decided to change your wardrobe at the last minute.

Next to your vanity stood a small chest of drawers, again, curiosity getting the better of him…and that journal entry fresh at the front of his mind,

He pulled open the top drawer, as he suspected, much like the rest of western civilization, that’s where you kept your socks and underwear.

Most of them were exactly what he expected, comfortable and classy, but you also had a few pairs he could only assume you didn’t wear on your Monday to Friday…at least not regularly. Then he saw them…the pink ones. The ones worthy of a journal entry.

He slipped a hand out of his leather driving glove, pulling them free from the pile; the fabric gliding smoothly between his bare fingers.

The moan that had formed deep in the back of his throat seemed too loud in contrast to your quiet house. The thought of being in such close proximity to something that had touched you so intimately, the thought of holding it in his own hand, feeling it against his own skin.

He let out a slow breath as his cock quivered between his legs, he closed his eyes, trying to will the pressure to subside.

When it became abundantly clear willpower wasn’t going to do it and this…issue…was something that was going to have to be dealt with and now, he opened his eyes, only to realize he had crumpled that buttery smooth pink piece of attire into a tight fist.

He hadn’t really meant to, but he’d sat on the edge of your neatly made bed, fingers hastily working open a button and a zipper before his aching cock sprang free.

He stopped, only briefly, examining the silky fabric as he moved it between his fingers; he wanted to know what it felt like.

It must have been good, if it was worth writing about….

And before the rational part of his brain could make sense of the situation he’d suddenly found himself in, his hand had wrapped itself, and your underwear around his hard shaft; they felt like heaven.

He fucked his hand relentlessly, completely losing himself in the sensation of the almost too smooth garment that enveloped him. His breathing was short and ragged, as he pushed himself closer to the edge. Then, in what he could only assume was record time, he came; Hard, and fast, your underwear drenched in his release.

His heartbeat thudding in his ears subsided as the rhythm returned to normal and reality filled in the haze around him.

He tucked himself back into his pants and got to his feet fastening the button as he heard the unmistakable metallic clink of keys at your front door. Your keys.

His heart skipped a beat as he dropped to the floor and slid under your bed just as the sunlight spilled into the hallway through the open door.

His heart slammed in his chest against the floor as he watched the hallway intently, your leather clad boots appearing in the doorway.

He slowed his breathing, convinced it wouldn't matter because you would hear his heart pounding against the floorboards

The bed creaked over his head, sinking as you sat, unzipping your boots, dropping them on the floor.

You were close enough to reach out and touch, he had to bite his bottom lip to keep from doing it.

Then the open drawer on your dresser caught his attention. The drawer he had left open. Your damp underwear still balled in his fist. Maybe you wouldn't notice.

He watched from his place under your bed as you went to the dresser, pushing the top drawer closed and pulling open the middle drawer, fishing out a t-shirt. You shed your sweater, dropping it to your feet, standing in your jeans and bra, barefoot. Your back was to him, but your reflection in your vanity showed off the soft pink lace cupping your soft supple breasts. God, what he wouldn't give to touch them, kiss them.

He let out a slow breath trying to keep himself under control. You closed the drawer and pulled the t-shirt on before checking your reflection in the mirror and disappearing down the hall.

He waited, until he was certain you weren't coming back, hearing you clink dishes in the kitchen.

He slid out from under the bed and quickly got to his feet; he thought seriously about keeping those coveted pink panties…if only just to clean them. He didn’t have time to think about it, instead, he slipped them behind your pillows between the mattress and the wall.

He tiptoed towards the door, listening intently to you at the other end of the house, for any indication you would find him in a very compromising position. A loud crash echoed from the kitchen and a frustrated “Fuck” drifted down the hallway.

He wanted so badly to help, he hoped you hadn’t hurt yourself; but took advantage of the opportunity that had presented itself and slipped out the front door, pulling it closed as carefully and quietly as he could manage.

The days that followed were near agonizing, it took everything in him not to rush back into your house every time you left to deal with what he had left behind in a rush. He wondered if you had noticed them missing…

Although, knowing he could, just made the temptation to do so that much worse. He watched you go to bed night after night and every cell in his body burned with desire, just at the thought that you hadn’t had any idea.

Before the week was out, he found himself standing in your bedroom once again. Your journal sat on your nightstand, bed unmade this time; you had rearranged your furniture, your bed was in the same place, but your vanity and desk now sat on the same wall, facing out the window that looked into his bedroom. The chest of drawers you had moved to the opposite wall as your bed.

If your bed hadn’t moved, that meant… moving swiftly across your room, right where he’d left them, still dirty, were your pink panties.

He tucked them back safely, he wasn’t going to be caught off guard this time if you happened to come home early. Instead, he sat on your bed, and thumbed through your journal, learning everything he could about you that you’d shared.

He flipped the pages to the beginning of the week to see what you had filled in on that particular day. Nothing overly interesting unfortunately, but fortunately also no mention of him. He had gotten away with it.

#ryan gosling #drive 2011 #driver x reader #n sfw

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