#because you HAVE to have the experience of freedom sometimes to be able to move towards it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whereserpentswalk · 14 hours

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There's an orc attending your college. Your city is pretty diverse, there's a lot of human cultures represented there, and even harpies and dwarves are common. But an orc is still a really rare sight. And she's not assimilated at all, she wears the symbol of the dark lord around her neak, and the strange black cloths from the wastelands she came from, and she always seems to have a gun somewhere on her. It's strange just to see an orc in person, she's not like the green skinned monsters you see in movies, her eyes are pitch black, and her skin is so pale you can see veins, she's muscular and tell but also strangely skinny, and her teeth are sharp and spiked like a sharks, this one doesn't have tusks, just these rows of serrated teeth.

Everyone avoids her at first. There's something creepy about her. She doesn't move like a human. She emotes weirdly, being stoic during conversations, but sometimes smiling or laughing at odd times. In class it becomes clear that she lacks knowledge anyone growing up in your society has, but has extensive knowledge on things most humans will never know. She also very clearly supports the dark lord and the demons who serve him, and gets mad when his narrative of conquest and strict genetic hierarchy is challenged in class.

You end up paired with her for a class project. It's weirdly awkward. But you end up spending more time with her then most. It still takes awhile to get used to her mannerisms, and you have to convince her of evolution in a long debate (but eventually you do convince her). She seems strangely naive to a lot of things. Every time she does something that she considers a failure she goes into self loathing, and she gets really afraid she's going to be punished. You have to explain to her things are going to be ok sometimes.

You try to spend time with her. She supports the dark lord but out of a strange sense of fear more than the type of ideological support humans in nations not under his control have. When she does something that she thinks is heresy agaisnt him she becomes afraid. And while she's angry at people who follow gods other than him (which is basically everyone here) she's more afraid of them than everything. When a holy symbol you own touches her she's surprised it doesn't burn her, you have to tell her it's ok.

She has a lot more freedom here than she did back in the wastelands. You slowly help her realize she doesn't have to worry about being punished for sinning agasint the dark lord. She's able to go on the internet for the first time, you help her get everything set up. You also introduce her to your freinds, only some of whom feel safe around her, but those who do seem to like her.

It's weird just hanging out in her dorm. She can be weirdly laid back and introspective at times, at least when she's not nervous or paranoid. But when she's just relaxing she'll tell you about things, about the beauty of the desert sands, about what it was like to observe the rattlesnakes and condors and wyverns of her homeland. How she likes to observe the city, the way the diffrent people flow through it, she was scared of it at first but now she likes to explore it, and the way it lacks stars at night but the lights from the buildings replace it. She says she wishes she could stay here forever, that she wishes she could be an artist but that she was sent here to learn skills useful to the dark lord's empire.

There's something nice about showing her new things. You get to take her to a musical for the first time. Get to show her neighborhoods you like. Get to explain to her what public transport is (though she got scared feeling trapped in a subway car). You get to show her stuff she never got to experience because orcs are never really children, she loves getting to hold a plush for the first time, or watching cartoons for the first time, it's like she's finally getting to live an experience she never had. Even though she's a well armed adult she really likes plushies once she finds out about them, they weren't something she was allowed to have back home.

Over time she starts meeting people and learning things that go against her worldview. As she makes more friends, understands new things, slowly learns that she shouldn't be punished for mistakes, she slowly comes around to seeing how fucked up the world the was raised in is. She tells you she doesn't want to worship the dark lord anymore, she cries just from saying it. You hug her, and realize she's never been hugged before, she seems to really like that feeling. She bathes in the waters of a healing goddess, and she worships something out of love instead of fear for the first time.

Eventually the spawning warlock who spawned her and her siblings comes to visit her. You told her to be careful but she ended up spilling that she doesn't worship the dark lord, she ends up spilling all the things a warlock like that considers a sin. When he leaves she tells you she can't go home. Not ever. Never again will she see the shifting sands, or flying condor, or flowing serpents of her homelands. She's trapped where she is now.

You know it hurts her a lot. She says she feels like she's in a small pocket of safety. Back home she'd be hurt for being an apostate. In human lands outside of the city she'd be hurt for being an orc. But she's safe here. She stays in her apartment for awhile, while you try to make things work. She's finally changing her major to art, and despite everything she's finally free, free to watch the starless sky, free to not be punished when she makes a mistake...

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statementlou · 5 months

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So I see folks pointing out that Louis' circle A tattoo is more likely an aesthetic choice than an announcement of a political commitment to anarchism, and saying basically that that maybe makes him a bit of a poser and I mean- I GUESS. But I don't like to look at things that way and I don't think it's useful. As I see it the subversive sexiness of the symbols of resistance have ALWAYS been gateways for people who are drawn to the struggle in vague ways and that's GOOD. Aligning yourself with those values is good no matter the reason, in my book, especially given the wretched options available out there, but also the journey doesn't necessarily stop there. Gatekeeping queerness victimizes people who are just trying things out and starting to discover that it may run deeper than just trying on a new look who should instead be welcomed and helped along their path, and I fail to see how gatekeeping political affiliations is any different (plus how counterproductive to actual movement building is that?)

ANYWAY. What I really want to say about Louis is that while I KNOW that Louis is probably not secretly a theory reading anti-state communalist anarchist, I think that actually Louis' optimism and idealism (and his unwavering commitment to allying himself with the working class and embracing those roots) are a perfect fit for the philosophy and always have been. I know that anarchism is mostly understood as being about throwing molotov cocktails and fighting the state (and the allure of its symbols are that they signify this, a terrific aesthetic for him to choose to sign on with in my book), but that's honestly largely cartoonish stereotyping that comes directly from anti-anarchist state propaganda. That resistance is necessary in this hellscape of oppression we live in and is super important, but in its heart anarchism is only about the state in that the state and capitalism currently stands in the way of its goals. The whole point of anarchism is that it's NOT about the state! It's about being able to imagine something better than a state, it's about how we live and about how we SHOULD live, it's about HOPE and picturing something utopian and something free of the ways capitalism pits us against one another! What could be more Louis than that?

"I need you and you need me and I love that" is as beautiful a way of talking about the cornerstone of anarchism that is mutual aid as any long winded essay I've read (even if what he meant was contextually different), and I think when he talks again and again about how special the space fans have made around him is he is expressing an intuitive understanding of the importance of autonomous zones, places and moments outside of the shitty life imposed on us by the system (also a huge part of anarchist thought). Maybe I'm just being an optimist but I think that Louis DOES understand that caring for people and wanting self-determination and freedom for all and allying himself with the working class involves a certain amount of resistance to and positioning yourself in opposition to the state. Thinking the symbols of smashing that state are cool isn't meaningless; it's a CHOICE. There are other cool symbols out there and I just happen to think that feeling a resonance with certain ones is something in and of itself, even if at this moment he does not choose to start a fight with the media about it all.

#long version of this part maybe later… (orrr maybe here and now oops lol):#I believe we are all born natural anarchists with a desire to live in mutually supportive ways and in freedom #it only gets beaten out of people by the trauma of the system and being forced to struggle to survive #Louis shares with many privileged people a certain immaturity of not understanding those struggles #but I think that 'immaturity' can include- in smart and good people- not having lost sight of that utopianism #because they are able to conceptualize it because they live the way we all should be able to #free of so many of the survival struggles #(I think that in some areas maturity is code for 'beaten down to a good capitalist')#anyway and that's why autonomous zones are important:#because you HAVE to have the experience of freedom sometimes to be able to move towards it #you have to experience wins to be able to keep fighting #it's the candy crush theory of organizing lol like: people will simply give up and lose hope if everything is struggle and despair #and nothing is hope and success #you don't have to win the whole fight to get glimpses but you have to have moments #anyway a song I love that is about that is Saturday Night by the Coup it's a BOP go check her out she feels like winning #boots is a commie but that's okay he Gets It :P #anyway #anarchism #blah blah blah #I love being a louis apologist I should add that to my header what can I say: I love him #also look how many WORDS I can churn out when there's no show😂gotta fil the time somehow #send me questions I beg you we've got a long couple months ahead #comrade louis

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loveemagicpeace · 1 month

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💕Life Events🌊

💕4th house represents how u live and your comfort & how you are used to living - Taurus in 4th house - means you are used to comfort, money, luxury and material things. Which means that you like a home that is luxurious, in which you feel safe and warm. It would be difficult for you to live with someone who would not give you comfort. You like to take time for the things you like and you really don't like it when people chase you or give you the feeling that you are limited by time. Especially if your moon is in Cancer, it's hard for you to be with someone who doesn't have that nature.

Aries in 4th house - you are most used to your home being fiery, warlike and often able to do things for yourself. U are very independet and maybe you will find your home faster. Aquarius in 4th house- u may always feel like outsider in your family. But at the same time you will feel that you want to live a very unique life. And you will feel comfortable only in an environment that will be very different from normal.

🌊Water moons are often nostalgic. Which means that in some way they will always be looking for something that reminds them of the past and memories. Many times they can live for memories and people in their memories.

🏝️Geminis & libras will always be subject to society. And sometimes it will be difficult for them to go outside of it. Especially libra , it is difficult for you to be something other than what society expects of you. Because you want to impress others and you want them to be happy. Both signs are strongly associated with relationships and communication.

✨Aquarius are the only sign that knows how to be something that others don't dare to be. They like to go outside their comfort zone and like to be different from the others, not many times they do something that is the opposite of what society does.

❤️‍🔥Sagittarius can easily talk about illegal things - it's not a taboo topic for them. They like discussions that are more dangerous or not so loud. They themselves are also very open to the world and other cultures and can quickly adapt to other surroundings. People with a lot of Sagittarius live a hectic life with lots of adventure and exploration. They usually move at least once, if not several times.

💛The situation of the Sun in the birthchart often relates to the individual’s experience of the father—not necessarily the actual father, but all the people who played that role. Often the mother will actually play the father role, in which case it is that relationship which will be symbolized by the Sun.

🍸The 6th house denotes sickness, your body , your relationship with the body, how you take care of your body. The 8th house surgery, death, needles, blood. The 12th house hospitalization, isolation from people, prison.

🦋Scoprio North Node- have the ability to "tune in" to the hidden thoughts of others. When they stand near someone, if they open up to receive that person's energy they will know his or her character and motives. They want to "fix" the other person—their way. They have many ideas about how to alleviate the other's pain and better the situation. These folks know how to create success. However, if they get a bad feeling or begin to lose energy, it's a warning. It’s important for these folks to pay attention to people's motives. They project that others operate from the same values and are always being honest. But when they take the time to study people's motives, they can tell what people pretend to be and what they really are.

🎸Fire is an emotional element, but it tends toward the more active and dynamic emotions—anger, joy, ebullience, and enthusiasm. It has a harder time dealing with sadness, depression, or the kind of feeling that comes from quiet contemplation of one’s surroundings. Fire people do not like to show sadness or grief: their typical response is to make fun of their own unhappiness.

🪐Symbol earth, signifies limits to our freedom (in which regard the element earth is related to the planet Saturn). We cannot do whatever we wish or go wherever we want because we are constrained by our own materiality and the materiality of the world around us. Earth is passive: it needs to be acted on and formed by an external energy. Virgo and Capricorn especially are inclined to sacrifice emotional needs when these come into conflict with their view of reality.

☁️Air is associated with thinking and logic, and as such it is less personal than fire.In this way air is similar to earth: both are primarily concerned with a reality external to the self. Fire and water are more concerned with personal, inward kinds of truth. Although air is very social, it is sometimes unable to handle real intimacy well. Libra is the only air sign in which the drive for close, personal relationships is strong, but even here there is a detached, non-intimate quality often obscured by the cleverness of the sign at being winning in social encounters.

🌙Water is the most yin of the four elements. And it is in some ways the most difficult to understand. The water people are poor at communication or unwilling to communicate. Because water represents non-linear, non-rational, non-discriminative modes of thought—the very antithesis of air. Water is the best at feeling relationships and the ways every thing interacts with every other thing. Often the best way for water to communicate is by means of art, especially poetry and music. Water people therefore have to live in a relatively clean psychic environment. If they are surrounded by disturbed people, water types will pick up the disturbance as if the energies originated within themselves. In this way, a water person can be made to feel physically and/or psychologically ill even when actually very well. More than any other element water is associated with the soul—the eternal, unchanging background that exists forever, against which the drama of individual life is played.

🌱Mercury creates smells, sounds, tastes, textures, and the like. In this way we are quite literally the creators of our own experience. All our knowing, experiencing, sensing, believing, or disbelieving is done through signs which represent actual facts, experiences, or entities in our minds.

🥊In a healthy body, Mars represents the vigor and vitality of movement, and especially the muscles. But it can also manifest as irritations, inflammations, infections, and fevers. Mars can be one of the principal significators of operations and accidents.

🫧Mars and Saturn rules over tattoos, needles, blood everything related to that. People who have dominant Mars sign or a lot of Mars energy/ aries energy or people who have Capricorn placements or Saturn energy are usually more more prone to have tattoos or piercings.

🎱The difference between Capricorn and Virgo is the Capricorn rules over success, image, public speaking everything that is related to public, but it's not related to appearance and how you look. Capricorns don't care how they look, but how their energy comes forward. Virgo on the other side rules over physical body so they are more prone to worry about how they look and how their clothes look like.

☂️Jupiter has also been associated with medicine and healing, the reintegration of the body after illness or prevention of bodily disintegration.

💍Juno is associated with marriage and partnership between the sexes. I find that, especially in women’s charts, it often indicates an ambivalence about whether to be associated with someone or to be free. In a man’s chart, it often describes the kind of marital partner he will choose.

🎸For personal readings u can sign up here: https://snipfeed.co/bekylibra 🎸

-Rebekah🫧🌙☁️

#astrology #energy #zodiac signs #planets #my notes #astrological houses #astrology observations #life events

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wheeboo · 10 months

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ukiyo | xu minghao

SYNOPSIS. in which you and minghao spend the day together. PAIRING. xu minghao x gn!reader GENRE. angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, established relationship WARNINGS. language alluding to death, reader is in a wheelchair, mentions of an unnamed terminal disease that causes reader to have weakened limbs n feel very weak in general, vague mention of nudity (hao takes off reader’s clothes and gives them a bath) but nothing is explicitly described, descriptions of a hospital, terms of endearment (love), one curse word WORD COUNT. 4.3k

ukiyo ( 浮世 ) 𑁋 “the floating world”; living in the moment; detached from the bothers of life.

notes: there’s not really a plot to this. it’s just brainrot because i love torturing myself and my heart. i saw pics of the beach of hai cheng mv and immediately wanted to write something sad for no reason.

The late morning sunlight pours in through the small window of the bathroom as you hold a steady, blank gaze at the running water gushing out from the faucet. The sounds bounce off the walls of the bathroom, and you bring your eyes down to your legs.

You can hardly move them.

It’s been this way for the past two years. It had started with the muscles of your legs slowly succumbing to the weakness stemming from the terminal illness you had been diagnosed with. And as time continues to routinely pass, that certain weakness had set out to invade other parts of your body like a dumb and relentless parasite.

Over the years, the disease had been slowly nearing its peak. The countless visits to the hospital had laggardly dissipated every bit of hope to a possible recovery, and you’ve gotten used to the sentences being said of There’s no cure for the disease, or Sooner or later, it can spread to your brain. You’re only growing weaker and weaker each passing day. Every day tasks were already strenuous. Opening your eyes in the morning took too much strength. Nothing but tiredness and exhaustion plagued your body. Headaches have been becoming more prevalent. Sometimes you just want all this pain to cease to exist. You didn’t want to put this burden on the people you love.

You didn’t want to put this burden on Minghao.

“So... cherry blossom, lavender, or coconut chamomile?”

You slowly bring your gaze up to the sight of your boyfriend holding up three different scents of bubble bath in the doorway. The sight makes you giggle as you look between the different scents with curiosity, before looking back up at Minghao.

Even after being together the past four years, just the fleeting sight of him lights you up. Your body may be growing weaker each day, but your unwavering love for the man holding up bottles of bubble bath scents has never faltered. Not one bit.

But if you weren’t sick, he would be able to live the long, happy life that he wanted, right?

Minghao knows that you are tired𑁋it’s your default answer every day. He wishes he can be able to take away the exhaustion that you feel. He wishes to put all of that pain onto his shoulders and carry it for you so you could experience the freedom away from the constraints of your illness.

But he also knows that life doesn't always grant such wishes.

“Will you... surprise me?” You ask instead.

All he does is smile. It’s that soft, fond nose-scrunching smile that you’ve grown to love over the years. Minghao places the bottles on the counter of the sink, putting his body in front so you wouldn’t be able to see what he selects. Covering the bottle with his arms, he playfully walks backward towards the bathtub, causing you to elicit a weak laugh at his dorky antics.

As he reaches the tub, he leans over and carefully pours the bubble bath into the warm water, And as you watch, a gentle purple hue of bubbles begin to form and spread sporadically throughout the tub like a magical mist. It's the soothing and enchanting aroma of lavender.

“You... always know what I like, hm?” You ask him as he closes the container to the bottle and sets it back on the sink counter.

The corners of Minghao’s lips curl amusedly. "I may have learned a thing or two about you over the years.”

The sincerity in his words never fails to relax your heart and push away the clouds of your bittersweet thoughts. Minghao waits a minute or two before turning off the faucet and directing his attention back to you.

“Now,” He leans in front of you, letting his hands caress over yours on the handle of the wheelchair and landing at the hems of your shirt. “can I help you out of these clothes?”

A blush grows on your cheeks at his request despite him doing this for years. You heave out a nervous breath and nod as Minghao's hands begin to move over you with practiced ease, aware of your weakened limbs and exhausted state. He keeps his touch gentle and respectful, and starts with unbuttoning your shirt, his delicate fingers gliding effortlessly along the fabric to reveal the vulnerability the lies underneath. He doesn’t rush or hurry anything, simply setting his focus on you and only you. The warmth of his hands against your skin sends shivers running down your spine.

Though he has seen you bare for him many times, Minghao can’t help the faint smirk to his face. As the last button is undone, he lets your shirt fall to the tile floor below, his gaze travelling over you with adoration. The all-too familiar intimacy between you two has never diminished the admiration he holds for you. Treasuring you is something he has always been devoted to do.

“You’re so beautiful,” he mutters, leaning in to press a soft kiss to your knuckle, and you feel the surge of warmth and love run marathons to your heart.

With his hands now free from the task of your shirt, he continues his journey downwards, the tips of his fingers ghosting tenderly over your fragile skin and leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. You can barely feel the way he touches you, but the thought of him doing so brings you comfort. He takes his precious time, savouring each second that passes between as he loosens the clasps of your pants and helps bring them down your legs with utmost caution.

As each layer of clothing is finally peeled off, a wave of relief and peace washes over you. Minghao sets your clothing neatly away before returning to your side and bringing you closer to the tub. He lets his arms wrap around you, carefully lifting you from the wheelchair and guiding you towards the edge of the bathtub. Sticking a hand in the water to ensure its a good temperature, he slowly but surely eases you into the bath, the water and lavender aroma embracing your body as you sink deeper inside the tub.

“Does it feel good?” he asks you while lathering the bubbles onto your shoulders.

A sigh escapes your lips as you lean your back against the tub with the bubbles tickling against your skin.

“Mhm,” You let out quietly. “Thank... thank you.” Thank you for taking care of me; I wish I could give you all the care back.

Minghao hums softly, planting a kiss to the top of your head, and retrieves a nearby sponge. Sitting himself down at the edge of the tub, he dips the sponge into the water before lightly caressing over your skin. He starts with your shoulders, washing your skin with a smooth pace and various patterns, helping to gradually ease away the tension to your body.

“Relax, love,” he tells you. “Let me take care of you.”

And so you let your eyes flutter to a close. It felt relaxing to do so𑁋to let go. It almost makes the pain in your head go away.

You watch the steam rise from the untouched bowl of rice porridge in front of you. It takes Minghao a few minutes later to come back with his own bowl, along with a few side dishes in hand. He glances towards you and notices your empty expression, a tinge of sadness to your eyes that brings a heavy weight to his chest, but he doesn’t acknowledge it. Reaching over, he takes your metal spoon in his hand and dips it in the bowl, grabbing a spoonful of the porridge.

“It’s important for you to eat, love.” Minghao blows on the spoon, cooling down the porridge before bringing it to your lips. The illness hasn’t been much cooperative to your appetite, and eating has been a daunting task for the past few months. He prepares you light foods that doesn’t take much strength to swallow, but enough to nourish you at the same time.

Parting your lips slightly, Minghao feeds you the spoonful of porridge, and you immediately relish in the warmth coursing through you. A small smile crosses your face at the familiar taste of comfort, and it even makes Minghao’s worried face soften. He continues to feed you, spoonful by spoonful, his eyes never leaving yours while taking in every detail𑁋the way your eyes flutter close after each bite, the way the faint smile to your face grows every so slightly, but enough for him to notice. It’s a big change to see, according to him.

“Tastes good.” You murmur under your breath, looking up at him.

The weariness fades off your face just minisculely. Minghao manages a gentle smile, barely noticing his own food going cold as he continues to feed you.

There’s a certain silence that you love with him𑁋it’s a domestic silence, especially after being together for four years, where you love observing him doing his everyday routine. But gosh, you miss the times when you were able to hold him in your own arms, or when you could wrap your arms around him in a tight back hug while he cooked, or sneak kisses to his cheek and run away before he would tackle you back into the bed. You miss the times when he’d let you hold him so he could listen to you read, or when you both sat across from each other having your late night doodling sessions.

You miss all those times, and there’s no way to get them back.

“I was thinking...” Minghao comes back to sit down after setting the dishes away. “...if you wanted to go on a little getaway for the day?”

You look up at him dazedly. “A... getaway?”

“You’ve mentioned wanting to go the beach before,” he inputs, and you see his face up to your idea. “and I think it would be nice to get some fresh air, would you say so?”

He really does remember all the things about you.

A flicker of hesitation crosses your mind, yet the longing for a change of scenery, a temporary escape from the walls that confine you, helps to wash away any doubts.

You used to dream about running through the white sand beach, feeling the heat of the sun on your skin and the cool breeze caress your face while listening to the calming sound of the waves crashing against the shore. You dreamed of you and Minghao’s laughter mingling into the fresh, afternoon air, your hands intertwined together as you dash down the shoreline together.

Ever since you were a kid, you dreamed of the beach being the place where you would marry the love of your life, because the sight of the sun setting in the horizon, the soft sand beneath your feet, and the vastness of the ocean waters as you kissed your partner was a fairytale you wanted to experience.

And ever since before your diagnosis and still to this day, you dream of the beach being the place where you would marry Minghao.

Now, it entirely feels like a distant memory now, something beyond unattainable, but the thought of simply seeing it with your eyes brings some form of hope back to your tired heart.

So you look back up at Minghao as a very faint sparkle of eagerness passes through your eyes.

The winter season paints the world with a palette of muted colours. The once vibrancy of the ocean waters fades into a pale blue-grey like the cloudy skies above, and the emptiness allows the beach to unfold in its truest form. The waves aren’t too strong or too weak, but roll in gently onto the shoreline with their white foam brushing against the sand before receding back into the vast waters.

As you and Minghao stroll down towards the beach, you find small patches of snow in the grass and bushes. The air is crisp and chilly, but you don't mind the cold. You find yourself dressed in a comfortable and cozy turtleneck, along with a snug coat to protect you from the winter chill. Minghao had insisted on picking an outfit since dressing you up𑁋and making sure all the colours work well with each other𑁋has always been one of his favourite activities to do.

There’s a ramp that you go down before finally arriving onto the sandy grounds. The wheels of the wheelchair sinks into the slightly damp sand as Minghao pushes you closer towards the water. He's used to assisting you with mobility the past two years, and he does it with such grace and care that it has practically become a second nature for him.

The beach appears desolate, but seeing it so untouched and undisturbed makes the experience far more peaceful.

Minghao stops the wheelchair at a comfortable distance from the water's edge before kneeling beside you. His ears are slightly reddened from the cold, even with the protection of his own turtle neck and long scarf, but his gaze in the direction of the water is filled with warmth and pure awe.

He turns to reach for your hand on your lap and intertwines his fingers with yours, before turning back to the sight of the sky meeting the sea.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he asks.

“It’s...” If you could, if your body gave you the benefit of the doubt for one single moment, you would say everything coming from your heart𑁋how the word beautiful is just a small word compared to the real floating feeling that it gives you. “...beautiful.”

The word feels lackluster, but it's all you can manage to say, and Minghao's warm smile is all that you need to back you up.

He turns back towards you, hesitation in his words. “Do you want to stand closer to the water?”

You peer at Minghao with hesitation and uncertainty. Standing now took... more strength than usual as of lately, and it pains you to admit it. But the thought of being able to stand near the water, to be able to stand on the world that fills your dreams at night was more than tempting. You can barely remember the last time you were able to go to the beach; it was more than possible that it was way before the diagnosis of your illness.

But what if this could be your only opportunity?

And so you muster a small nod towards Minghao. “Help... me stand?”

Minghao only nods. He moves behind the wheelchair and locks the brakes so that it won't move while he helps you stand. With nothing but caution, he wraps an arm around your waist and one under your knees as you slowly rise from the wheelchair, your legs trembling from the use of all your strength as you lean against Minghao for balance. It felt... strange to be able to stand like this again, even if it was just for a few short minutes, almost like a sensation you have nearly forgotten.

His arm tightens around your waist as he guides you to take your first step, leading you closer to the shore. Each step felt like an ardous journey. You basically can hear the loud protests of your own body telling you to stop.

“You’re doing great,” he tells you, and his words bring you some heightened determination.

Even with each passing moment and your body slowly but surely taking all its effort to remain you upright, you don’t let the thought dampen your persistence.

When you finally reach the line where the tip of your shoe reaches the edge, the ocean stretches out before you as if holding countless stories of joy, sadness, and everything in between within its deep, mysterious depths.

Minghao still has an arm wrapped around you, but his eyes are directed into yours, both tenderly and admiringly.

"You did it," he assures you. "You're standing by the ocean.”

A bittersweet smile crosses your lips, a smile warm but with a hint of sadness. You feel the heat growing in your eyelids as you let a few streams of tears to flow down your face, never thinking that such a vast space would become your safe haven. Minghao leans in to press a loving kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment.

You feel like you’re floating in that moment, suspended between that of reality and a dream. The weariness that lingers in your bones is briefly forgotten about, and you relish in the feeling of standing tall after so much time.

But as you continue standing, you feel the weakness descend upon you. The exhaustion surrounds you like a dense fog, clouding your mind and eating away at your energy. You try to keep your focus on the calmness of the ocean ahead, but you feel a certain heaviness to your eyes, making it difficult for you to keep them open.

And the world around you starts to blur.

Minghao is speaking. He’s speaking but you can’t make out any words because of the ringing in your ears that was growing louder each second and drowning out his voice which was the only thing fucking powerful enough to keep you even remotely grounded𑁋

“Y/N, stay with me. Can you... hear...”

No, I can’t hear you. You’re fading away... I’m the one who is fading away.

“Hao...” is all you manage to mumble out in a hushed, weak whisper.

The last thing you remember is the feeling of his arms around you and his voice desperately calling out your name before all you could see is black.

It takes a lot for Minghao to break.

But seeing you in this hospital bed right next to him, with your skin more fragile than ever and your body laying unconsciously still, he feels each individual piece of his heart shatter by the passing minute and his chest grow heavy. The doctors predicted for you to have woken up two hours ago, but... you haven’t done so.

He doesn’t know what to feel, and it almost feels like each breath he takes only suffocates him even more, and being confined in the walls of the hospital room had been no help. Maybe it’s anguish, fear, guilt, or even anger. Perhaps it was all of the above.

Minghao's hands tremble as he clenches them into fists, tight enough for his knuckles to turn white. He wants to scream, but he restrains himself, and he’s been oddly good at doing so.

If only you knew all the times he had desperately tried to fight back tears knowing that one day, you won’t be waking up next to him anymore𑁋that you won’t wake up at all. Or the times he had fought back anger to hide away just how much he wants to yell at the universe for cursing you with such a damned illness.

As he continues to anxiously pace around the room, a soft knock to the door makes him halt. A man enters into the room𑁋the doctor𑁋with a solemn expression to his face. He glances towards your unconscious body on the bed, before turning back towards Minghao.

“Comparing the results of some tests and a previous medical check-up,” The man takes a noticeable deep breath. “I’m afraid that the disease has progressed its way into their brain, and it’s hard to tell as of now when they will regain consciousness.”

Minghao's body freezes at the doctor's words, and he feels something in his chest tugging painfully at the strings of his heart. The room grows silent aside for the sound of his racing heartbeat pounding in his ears, and the rhythmic beating of the heart monitor.

He means... that you knew all along?

The weight of it all crashes over him like a wave at high tide, and he loosens the grip he has to his fists. He swears that the ground beneath him was crumbling now as he gets himself to run back to your side and bring the hands of your lifeless form into his trembling ones.

“Why didn't you tell me?" he whispers shakily, but his question hangs unanswered in the air. “Dammit, Y/N, why didn’t you tell me?”

He feels the anger inside of him now, but he isn’t angry at you. He’s angry at himself. He clutches at your hands tightly, his grip almost desperate with his fingers running over your knuckles. Minghao's eyes scan frantically over your face, pleading for some type of response, for any sign that you can hear him. But the silence in the room remains unchanged.

Minghao presses his quivering lips against your hand, a river of tears spilling down his face. He blames himself for not seeing the signs. He blames himself for the pain you’ve went through. All he wanted to do was bring you to a place of happiness for just a single day, but it all went downhill, and he blames no one else but himself.

It takes a lot for Minghao to break, but not when it comes to you.

“I’ll beat you to it, Hao!”

Minghao doesn’t race after you, instead he watches with a grin to his face as you dash excitedly in the direction of the ocean water, nearly tripping in the sand in the process. The waves were calm as they crash lightly against the shoreline. It wasn’t much cloudy than before, and the air was still as chilly as the previous days, but for some reason it felt refreshing as ever to breathe in the wintry air and a perfect time to take a stroll near the waters.

He slowly makes his way down to the beach, hands in his pockets as he watches you stop at the edge of where the water rolls into the sand. You turn around to face him, a pout to your face that makes him chuckle to himself.

“You’re such a slowpoke!” You exclaim to him.

When he finally makes his way right next to you, you both look out at the waters together.

“We both know I would’ve beaten you anyways.” Minghao mutters, and he hears you release an annoyed scoff.

You turn towards him, a teasing smirk to your face. “Care to prove it?”

He raises an eyebrow as if contemplating your words for a moment. But with a sudden burst of energy, he takes off running, leaving you behind in the sand. Nothing but laughter leaves you as you follow after him, calling out his name for him to slow the heck down with your feet sinking into the softened sand with each step you took.

It takes some time of more chasing before Minghao finally stops in front of the water. When you arrive next to him, breaths shallow and unsteady from all the running, he quickly circles his arms around your waist like a tender cocoon, pulling you into a loving back hug.

Minghao rests his head comfortingly on your shoulder, his warm breath tickling against the skin of your neck. His touch immediately makes you lean into him, both of your gazes looking straight in the direction of the endless ocean waters. Time seems to stand still, where all the worries of the outside world melt away with each wave that comes in. It's just the two of you together, and no one else.

“I love you.” The words leave his lips like a hushed promise, even though it was only the two of you standing together. “You know that, right?”

"I know," You reply, voice barely above a whisper. “I love you too, Hao.”

As the words suspend quietly in the chilly air, a wistful breeze sweeps over the beach.

“You know I’ve always wanted to get married at the beach?”

Minghao tilts his head slightly, a soft, somewhat playful smile playing on his lips as he gazes into your eyes wonderingly.

“Is that so?” he hums. “Guess this is where we’re going to get married, then.”

You couldn’t tell if it was excitement or surprise that was raging through you. He said it so casually that it nearly makes your entire body go limp in his arms, your heart fluttering and swelling out of your chest.

“Wow, I... I didn’t expect you to say that so easily.” You stammer out your words.

Minghao just chuckles, placing a kiss to the temple of your head. “If that’s what you want, then I promise to make it happen, love.”

You feel the smile bloom onto your face as you bring your eyes back out to the waters again. You feel him rocking you back and forth in his hold, swaying your bodies aside the small waves that come washing onto the shore. But as he continues to hold you and you notice the waves coming in heavier, the smile to your face slowly begins to fade away.

Turning around to face him, you get yourself to light up your face once more.

“Close your eyes,” You tell him, letting your fingers play with his hair flying in the breeze. “Can you do that for me?”

Minghao gives you an odd look, before complying and letting his eyes fall to a close. He feels you release yourself from his grasp until he was holding nothing, which he brings his arms back down to his side. He shivers from a sudden breeze running past him as the anticipation courses through his veins.

Seconds turn into minutes, and all Minghao can hear is the waves beginning to crash louder against the sand. But amidst the sound of nature taking its course, there's silence from you. He doesn’t hear any signs of movement, any noise that can indicate that it was you. He hears nothing.

“Y/N?” he calls out once, twice, three times. “Y/N!”

And when he finally prys open his eyes, he’s met with nothing. All he could see was the seemingly endless beach and ocean stretching out before him in all directions possible. He calls out your name again in desperation, panic, fear, but he doesn’t earn any response, feeling the tears brim in his eyes once more as he sinks to his knees in the sand.

You’re gone.

taglist (open) ʚɞ @enhazen @haowrld @ylliris-hanniehae @icyminghao @slytherinshua

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chosos-mascara · 1 year

Text

summer

𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙜𝙚𝙧 𝙭 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 - you and eren don't want to start college as virgins.

𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 - smoking, make-out, dry humping, PiV, virginity loss, smut with a story

minors + ageless dni 5k words

Twelve months ago, the last exam had taken place. The day a weight was lifted graciously from the shoulders of the students around you, a day freedom was cast. No longer would you waste nights cramming, or evenings exhausted on subjects you'd cared little about, when they'd have been better spent with friends. This, was where life would begin. Adulthood was on the horizon, so close you could taste it.

A job, good money, no more worries over assessment, homework, or extra-curricular activities (at least, for a little while). A gap year of dreams you were taking alongside your best friend, one you'd meticulously planned with one another, details confirmed as if already experienced. The pair of you had celebrated, a parade of final good-byes to friends leaving for university, drinks to commemorate the past years of your life, and the future yet to participate within. You'd spoken with them too, of the ideologies, the great expectations of the next three-hundred-and-sixty-five days, leaving behind deadlines for nights out, visualizing flashing lights and bass boosted music through intoxication. This was the start of your twenties, after all.

But sometimes, through the consumption of media, we glorify things, scenes from movies blurred with that of real life. Sadly, these experiences do not occur for the average person. Eren and yourself, in particular, working shifts and going home to sleep, were a part of that majority.

Working was dull and unfulfilling, draining energy from you as if you'd been a mere battery in need of a recharge following an eight-hour shift, too tired to do much else. The year of greatness had come and gone, and nothing had changed other than the cycle of four seasons, of which you'd worked on auto-pilot for minimum wage. A soulless stacking of shelves.

The prospect of working along-side your best friend had been appealing in concept, though in actuality it had consisted of working on opposite ends of the store, only able to fit in a mediocre glance while passing one another. On occasion, the pair of you would be rewarded with a break spent in the other's presence. Though as time had progressed, it had become another monotonous part of the day, because it was another half-hour spent in the confides of the workplace, around colleagues twice your age with half the amount of wit, and motivation. More often than not, you'd worked alternating shifts all-together, and despite the fact you'd barely seen one another during working hours, those eight-hours were still harder to get through without him.

Armin was a three hour train journey, Mikasa a plane ride, and everyone else from school had been dotted throughout the country. Just as the pair of you had envisioned the gap year, your peers had plans for university too, intentions to return home once a month for catch-ups and drinks. These, much like your schemes, did not occur. It was more due to the fact they'd moved on with their lives - another rub in the face that the pair of you were still in the same place a year on.

Despite the lack of development surrounding your circumstances, Eren had changed. The differences had become more apparent, now - brown hair longer and tied into a messy bun, biceps peeking from the black uniform shirt had grown in size, as had he. The two of you frequented one another's homes, though the time would be spent playing games or watching movies. Conversations didn't happen too often, and wouldn't stray far from the topic of work. Though, you'd accepted the fact he wasn't a kid anymore, and most likely hadn't been interested in your babbles - not that he wasn't aware of every detail of your life anyway. You'd worked at the same place, lived a few doors down; your lives were practically carbon copies.

The last shift the pair of you would work at what had become an unremarkably repetitive part of life had passed, and you'd been relieved to part with the job. Every minute of the last stretch was one minute closer to the start of summer, the freedom of unemployment and transition back into student-life. A parallel you hadn't expected a year ago. Now, you walked side-by-side, just as you had on the last day of school.

Eren placed a cigarette to lips; a habit he'd picked up from his older brother's visits. Inhaling, amber burned inches from his face, the light dimming as he pulled the stick from his mouth to exhale a cloud of smoke. Late afternoon was turning to evening around you, but the sun was still warming on your skin, crickets singing in the patches of grass slotted between tree and pavement.

It was peaceful. The nostalgia of older times pottering back from school had followed you, simpler times that you'd shared with your friends. The first walk home from work had been so bizarre, turning the road without Mikasa and Armin trailing behind. This stroll home would be the last spent in his presence - Eren had a license now. He'd be driving the pair of you to university in a few months, though you questioned each vision that had come to your mind, because this year had let you down - who's to say upcoming ones wouldn't, too?

Closing on on your street, you'd peered over the familiar wooden door, chipped brick wall separating street from garden. Reaching a hand out, your fingers rested over the latch of the iron gate, paint peeling to reveal the orange of rust beneath. "See ya." A tired voice spoke, moving eyes from the tarmac beneath your shoes to meet his green irises, of which had been scanning over you in contemplation. A final puff of smoke left his lips while he'd flicked the butt behind him, leaving it to fall somewhere in the road. You waited for his good-bye, but as a few moments passed, you'd assumed a simple glance was all you were going to get.

"My parents are away tonight. Wanna stay?" Eren questioned, abruptly. Movements halted as he'd spoken, you turned from halfway down the stone path to look over your shoulder. It had been a while since the pair of you'd had a sleepover. Over the past few months, you'd spent no more than a few measly hours together before the other would return home for food or sleep. But, the glint in the glint in his eye was one you'd recognized from childhood - as if he'd asked you to come play for the first time again.

"Yeah, okay." You replied with indifference, though within your chest your heart had picked up pace, excitement coursing through fatigued bones as the prospect of old times wondered over you. You'd cursed yourself for hoping for anything more than the lousy gaming sessions you'd shared over the past month, but his expression had enlightened a glimmer within you that you couldn't shake.

Rushing inside to shower, you were focused on anything other than the water running over you, instead pondering over the evening ahead. Perhaps you'd find courage to ask him what you'd really wanted to, instead of shallow small-talk. Honesty shared between you, just like you'd used to be with one another.

Cramming clothes into a bag, a charger, a toothbrush, you deemed yourself ready, before long at his door. Hand raised, fist balled, knocking and waiting. Footsteps echoed through his hall, ones that brought a feeling into your stomach as you listened to him approaching you, lock turning. The old oak crept open, revealing your friend behind it, a loose fitted white t-shirt, relaxed black trousers, bare foot. "Hey." Greeting him, a smile on your face, bag slung over your shoulder.

Eren didn't reply, simply stepping back to allow you space to enter his home. You tread through, throwing your bag down in the usual spot, in the corner of the hall. "I got pizza." He stated, walking toward the kitchen. You followed him with your eyes as you'd taken off your shoes, finally trailing behind once they'd been placed neatly alongside his. Floorboards creaked beneath you while you'd passed through the narrow landing, through the unpainted door frame.

Two boxes, one open with a few slices missing, the other still folded shut, sat on the old stained table housed in the corner of the room. Opening the box had revealed a pizza you'd gotten many times before, one you'd considered a favourite. "You did good." You smiled, picking a piece up and taking a bite, glancing up to meet green eyes. He was leaning back against the table, arm folded over the other. He'd always worn a brooding look, one you used to pride yourself on reading, though with age you'd become less able to figure out what was going on inside of his head. "Not hard to remember the thing you always order." He commented, a bite being taken shortly after, an awkward silence airing between you disrupted by quiet chewing sounds. Once he'd finished the slice, he grabbed a remote, turning on the small TV that his mother had situated high on the wall, a source of entertainment in the small, dated kitchen for when she'd had to spend a few hours cooking a meal.

Memories of childhood with the Yeager family flooded through your thoughts, his mother's warming personality when you'd come in from the old outdoors, usually in tears after being picked on by her son. At first, yourself and the blonde had been closest, though with age you'd grown a backbone, no longer giving into Eren's teasing. Once this had occurred, the four of you got long well, a good balance between teasing and empathy, each part bringing their own qualities to mix within the group. Without them, the house had felt a little empty. You'd wondered how Eren had felt, losing what had been like a sister to him as she'd gone to study far from her adopted home.

Sounds of a game show had filled the space, replacing stale silence with soft chatter and laughter. You'd continued to eat, mind wondering while you were perched on the rickety chair, elbows on the table, eyes on the contestants. The brunette paced to the fridge, shoving the crust of a slice into his mouth as he pulled two cans from a shelf, placing them on the table before finally taking a seat - though over halfway through his meal.

"I can't believe we're done." You spoke through chewing, peeling your gaze from the small television to your friend, who'd been hunched over his own box. His eyes remained on the cardboard until he was done with his mouthful, finally flickering up to meet you after swallowing. "Thank fuck, couldn't stand that place." Eren spoke, bitterness raking through his voice as he'd recalled the past year of his life. He too had wished for better experiences, and was left with one of the worse years of his life. "It wasn't that bad." Disagreeing with him was something you'd often done, though as his stare hardened, you fought the urge to take back the words you'd spoken. "What're you talking about? Every day we were just hamsters on a wheel, just fulfilling meaningless tasks without question." The passion you'd heard him express many times before radiated through the words he'd spoken, brow furrowing as he'd looked over you in disgust.

You shrugged, looking down at the food in front of you once more, uncomfortable in the way he'd studied you. Although he was hard to read, his hatred was not. When Eren was angry, it was as apparent as the sky was blue. It had most likely been down to the fact his features had already been so cold, but when he was annoyed, the distaste ran through his expression.

"It was always temporary," You picked at the crusts you'd left in the box, prodding them as if to distract yourself from the male before you. "So, it didn't bother me." Voice timid, you surrendered your own argument, a weak defense as you'd wished upon the conversation coming to an end. "You back down too easy." He'd spoken the words under his breath, tearing his food with his teeth as his mouth was stuffed full. You chose not to fight back, maybe as young teenagers you would've bitten the bait, but now, you had little interest in debating with him. Though, this was most likely a positive, as Mrs Yeager wasn't here to come to your defence if her son kicked off at you.

She'd always been there, even when your parents hadn't been. She'd even housed Eren's brother despite him not being her own, and had been some what delinquent through his years. He encouraged the worst out of her son, but she supported him nonetheless. When you'd questioned her over the decision, she'd simply told you he'd needed a home, just as Mikasa had.

"Wanna smoke?" Eren asked, closing the now empty container before him, standing and brushing the crumby fingers down trouser legs. He wondered to the countertop, grabbing the carton and lighter he'd left there, glancing over to you as he made his way to the back door.

The sun was setting, you could see the amber glow through the gaps in the blinds, peering through to the garden. You stood, meeting him at the half-opened door, following through to sit on well-kept grass. It was always short, littered with daisies, bordered with stones and soil housing a few varieties of flowers. Nothing spectacular, but it'd had a homely feel. Another aspect of his house that had been unchanged since the day you'd first stepped foot within it.

The air was still warm on your sun-kissed skin, a faint hum of music playing a few doors down, most likely that of a garden party. There had been the scent of a barbecue too, one that had always reminded you of summer evenings like this. Eren lit his cigarette, tilting the box to you, allowing you to take one. You pulled one out, placing it between your lips, allowing him to lean toward you and bring the flame to kiss the end of the stick, innately sucking in. The familiar orange glow, a breath in and out.

"Still going to the same college?" You asked, though aware of the answer. He nodded, closing heavy eyes as he exhaled. "Can't get rid of me yet." Eren's voice was low, lids opening to let orbs wonder over the fence surrounding the small corner of the world you'd resided in, one he'd be able to recall blindfolded. You were sure you could, too.

"Do you think," You began with hesitance, watching a bee land a few feet in front of you, mingling in a buttercup. The insect collected a small amount of pollen, flying to the next flower. "-things will change?" The question left your lips, some worry within your voice, as you remained fixated upon the show before you, on the small creature conducting its way of life; fullfilling its purpose. With this, you'd wondered if you were satisfied within your objectives. Maybe everything would be simpler if the two of you had been born another species.

"Doubt it, they didn't after high-school, did they?" His reply was apethetic, and somewhat confusing. Things had changed, maybe he'd been oblivious to that, too caught up within his own mind to think about those surrounding him. "A lot has changed, Eren. Your sister moved countries, Armin has gone off to do some fancy degree-" You spouted, though the vent had been cut short by the slightly louder voice dominating the conversation.

"We haven't changed, though." He brought the cigarette to his lips once more, and as the tip illuminated his face, you'd realised how quickly the sun had set. It'd been minutes, but a curtain had still fallen over the garden, night nearing. The bee you'd peered over was now gone, most likely making its way back to the colony.

"Guess not." You replied, for the first time that evening you'd actually agreed with a statement. It had felt as if the pair of you had lagged behind your friends over the past year - they were all done with their first year of university, and yet, you were in the same place you'd been since high-school.

"Talking to anyone?" You asked between drags, the cigarette burning a little too close to your fingertips. The question made your chest tighten, anxiety rising as you'd awaited the response. You hadn't known why - he was free to see anyone he'd pleased, though deep within the confides of your brain had been a tinge of jealousy whenever you'd pictured him with another. Most likely a sisterly instinct, as you'd grown alongside him, though you'd been unable to deny your small crush on your childhood friend.

Eren never appeared to respond with his body language, only words. It made interactions with him a little stressful, as there had been no way in which one could predict what he'd say before the words were pulled from his chest. You'd simply had to await the response.

"Nah. You?" He replied, to which you'd shaken your head, finally parting with the burning paper between your fingers, flicking the nub to the other side of the garden. Sighing, your back hit the grass beneath you, gaze moving to the sky above. There was a deep blue painted overhead, a glow from the newly risen moon, stars dotting the canvas with a bright burn. The lawn was cooling over the skin on your back, arms situating themselves beneath your head, tickled with the nature under your skin. Eren mirrored your actions, the warmth of his body grazing yours as he laid beside you. He was longer than you, but he'd positioned his head to sit beside yours, to see what you'd seen.

"Do you feel like everyone's moving through life but us?" You inquired, tracing the small white glows to search for constellations - though you hadn't been too sure on what you were looking for. "Sometimes, yeah." Eren's voice was soothing, but you'd felt your stomach churn as he shifted beside you, a reminder of how close the pair of you had been laying. His tone was something you'd wished to hear more, longing to spend more time like this, alone with the world.

"Can I tell you something?" You'd been aware your continued questioning had probably held some annoyance to him, though within the moment, you'd felt at ease. The dynamic between the pair of you had complimented one another; you would talk, and he would listen. Others may assume his lack of dialogue had been due to disinterest, though you'd understood it was simply because he'd had little to say.

"Go ahead." He spoke, a sigh escaping his lips as you opened yours, curving them into an embarrassed smile as you spoke; "I'm still a virgin." Admitting your secret had left a tense strain over your mood, a small giggle erupting from the silence as if to aid the strain. The lack of response from your friend had left a bad taste, and with hesitance, you turned your head, praying that the impassive expression you were met with would reveal something of use. "Really?" Eren had sounded intrigued, though manner still cold. "Yeah, kinda pathetic, right?" An exhale had replaced the awkward laugh, though as he hadn't mirrored the innate response, you grew concerned over the topic.

Sex, and relationships, hadn't been something you'd discussed with him for some time. He'd assumed you'd delve into such thoughts with Mikasa, likely sparing no detail as she'd been forced to listen to one of your unforgiving rants - yourself assuming he'd boasted about under-cover experiences with his male friends.

"Sorry," Exhaling, you brought a hand to temple, face screwing up as you'd mentally cringed at the discourse. "Was that too deep?" The relationship between you had been a little hard to understand, and you'd been unsure where boundaries had laid. At times, it was as if the two of you were strangers, though evenings like this, he'd felt at one with you.

"Nah." His reply was late, allowing you to mentally fuss over the stillness following your admission, awaiting a response. "I am, too." He'd mentioned nonchalantly, causing your breath to hitch in your throat. It'd made sense - the pair of you were rarely out without the other, but with Eren's appearance and charm, it was questionable.

"Oh." There had been difficulty formulating a response other than the small sound you'd made, and you'd recognised the discomfort he must've felt when the subject had been introduced to begin with. "Well, at least I won't be the only one in college with a v-card." An attempt at light-heartedness, though again, he hadn't laughed. Instead, he let his thoughts brew until he'd formulated a comment.

"Or, we could just lose it before college." He suggested, to which, instead of an awkward giggle, a genuine exhale of amusement passed through your parted lips. "How do you suppose we do that?" You moved the hand that had rested at your forehead to reside on your chest, the other arm still supporting your head. "Might be easy for you, but no guy would wanna fuck me." The response was solemn, even if you hadn't intended it to be. It's not that you had doubts within yourself; it was your confidence had let you down when it had come to an interest in a member of the opposite sex.

"God, you're so thick at times." He sighed, mentally cursing as you'd furrowed your brow, turning to him in annoyance to question what he'd meant, but before the words could spill from you, his lips were pressing against yours.

The movement had left you in shock, eyes open, his face atop yours. Though, as he lingered on you, adjusting to support himself with his forearm, the realization sunk in. After analysing the situation, riding out the wave of surprise, your lips moved in synchrony. The taste of burnt tobacco had radiated between the pair of you, a small hint of pizza, though mostly, the flavour you'd focused yourself on had been him. With a decade of friendship, you hadn't imagined yourself able to do this - to taste him. Though now the permission had been granted, you didn't want to stop. The way his lips danced with yours had felt as if you were made for one another, mouths created purely to accompany their counterpart.

The action had ignited a swirl in the pit of your stomach, radiating desire through you, to create a pulling between your legs. One you'd felt during fleeting moments of self-pleasure, though this had been the first time an action of intimacy had created the sensitivity. Eren's nose bumped with yours, a string of spit building between the two of you, a sheen over lips, though ignored. His skin felt smooth as you'd ran your fingers across his cheek to cup his face within hand, adjusting the arm that had been a pillow to your tired head to rest at the back of his head, intertwining his hair between digits.

He hummed as you'd lightly pulled at his hair, sinking his head lower with yours to deepen the kiss, while you'd tugged at the strands at the nape of his neck, fingers snug between bun and head. Eren's arms caged around your body as he pulled himself between your limbs, the summer dress you'd modeled falling upward, exposing your wettened panties to his clothed cock. You'd felt his hardness as he'd rocked himself over your slit; another feeling you'd yet to experience until now. A moan caught in your throat at the contact, hips bucking upward and legs curving to wrap around him. The kisses grew sloppier between you as the new sensation arose in the places between legs, frenzied humps against one another, a tightening in your stomach.

The eager whines from your lips fell straight into his, hands desperately clutching, tugging at his hair with maneuvre. His bulge massaged against your slit feverishly, building up a tension in your core, breaths between you manic as you shared the moment, savoring how your body had felt on his. This was something you'd never done before; you wondered if Eren had felt the same stir within the pits of his abdomen too, a tingle gracing down your arms, the tickle of the grass on your back as the frantic movements between you had caused the skirt to hike up further, exposing more skin.

A guttural moan left your chest, followed by stuttered gasps from your lips, eyes squeezing closed while your body tensed up, pathetic humps against his cock as you felt your orgasm crash over you, at an intensity you'd never felt before. The ecstasy flowing across your body hadn't been like what you'd given yourself before - it was different. You'd grasped his face tightly, a mess under him, a heat spreading across your cheeks as he'd been a bystander to the otherworldly experience you'd just had, allowing his friend to use his erection to reach her high.

When it had fizzled out, you hadn't time to flush with embarrassment, as Eren had been unbuttoning his trousers with one had, his body-weight supported by the other arm, lips ramming back onto yours. You pushed your tongue into his mouth as you pulled at your underwear, pulling away from his lips for a moment to roll the cotton down your legs, and he imitated the action, knees bare against the grass of his garden, chill hitting his exposed skin.

"Will anyone see us?" You asked, chest heaving. His green eyes meeting yours made your heart flutter, his cheeks tinted with a crimson tone as he guided his cock to sit at your slick, pumping over the shaft. "Nah, they're all old, they'll be asleep." His reassurance was half-assed as his eyes left your face, instead flicking to his cock pressed up against you, slowly teasing himself in. He exhaled, mouth hanging open as he pushed forward. You watched his guise falter, face relaxed as he felt your cunt embrace him, a whine escaping his lips at your warm walls hugging his leaking cock. The amount of friction he'd endured had almost been enough to have him come in his boxers, though he resisted the urge.

After pushing himself into you fully, his gaze flickered down to yours. A smirk played at his lips as he glanced over your blissful demeanor, expression soft as you'd watched him through half-lidded eyes. "Does 't hurt?" He questioned, pulling halfway out before easing back into you. Your breath was shaky as you exhaled, eyes locked with his. "A little." You commented, voice wavering. His movements were slow, gentle pants falling from him as he moved in and out of you with ease. Your tired eyes rolled back, back arching off of the lawn as pain turned to pleasure. Eren took that as a signal you were okay, and sped up, hands gripping at your thighs. It was hard to hold himself back from cumming during the first few moments; the way you'd clenched around him had his dick in heaven, biting his lips to contain moans he'd felt rising through him. He'd only had his hand for the past twenty years, a pussy had felt a thousand times better, tight yet soft, made for his cock to fuck.

You were whining under him, the top of your head kissing the ground as you'd arched back upward in pleasure, your fingers fining their way to circle over your clit. He watched you contort for him, gritting his teeth at the display, fighting the urge within him to just shoot his seed inside you. He'd wanted to fill the virgin pussy with cum, but he'd resisted, unable to allow this to end so quickly. Eren wanted to savor this moment he'd had with you, to watch your body move with his, his cock taken in by your warmth.

Coarse hands gripped at your hips, a cacophony of stuttered breaths and mewls played a synchrony of sounds, an orchestra made up of two. The way he'd held you, how he had loomed over you, the fact you were his first, were all things you'd be unable to forget. His face fixed on you, pleasure written across his features, burned into your mind. This was something only yourself and Eren would share.

"Eren-" His name fell from your lips, another swipe across your sensitive clit, his fingers squeezing the fat of your thighs tighter, until he'd had to halt altogether to stop himself from cumming. You continued to rub regardless, panting and circling your hips, stuttered humps as you worked yourself up again, clenching, tensing, pulling over his member. He groaned, the small motions from your pussy keeping him seconds from spilling. "Inside?" Only half of the question left his lips, thighs clenching to stop his orgasm. "Can I cum inside?" He was reduced to a murmur of words, a mostly incoherent sentence, though your frantic nodding had been enough permission, and he was slamming his hips into yours once more, a loud moan leaving his lips as his chest rose and fell, grunts erupting from his chest. You'd come undone too, for the second time, his name the only thing on your mind as you'd clenched around him, repeating the syllables over, and over.

He lingered for a moment, tracing a thumb over your cheek and pulling out, a warmth dribbling from the hole he'd just evacuated as his seed left you, too. An unfamilliar sensation, though knowing it'd been from him had created a new feeling within you, one familiar to that of arousal, mingling with a sense of accomplishment. A smile crept across your face as he pulled his trousers upward, laying beside you once more. You straightened out the creases of your dress, pulling it over your knees, goosebumps prickling over you as the heat of the moment had died down, cool air over you again.

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fearyandear · 9 months

Text

(Possessed) Home! Wally x Reader

Now that I explained that possible theory, here is some shameless self shipping thoughts that I had, lol.

Me, before: 'Ive lost my feelings for the Welcome Home selfshippin fandom...'

Me after my call with Mari: ' Home and Wally..... symbiotic relationship.... The selfshipper community has technically either been simping for Home! Wally or silly Normal Wally, depending on the personality they liked best for him... haha. Isn't that funny? To think that the more assertive/'Scary' Wally hiding stuff and helping us is fucking HOME.

Now as to how that applies to selfshipping...

The short version:

Imagine Home liking Reader and only being able to see them/interact in very brief moments all the while watching you become friends and fall for Wally. Feeling stuck in their body, moaning and creaking and hiding thejr jealousy for their 'owner.'

The longer version:

Home getting a body is like a demon learning how to be human. It's never had the experiences it gets while inhabiting Wally. To grab, walk, move, taste.

To feel emotions.

It's so much to grasp all at once, and it makes him laugh in his inexperienced cadence. He felt so lucky that he could have this happen to him. He thought, even if he couldn't step outside (homebound in his possession), this was surely more than enough. For now. But then-

You were just one of Wally's friends, the same as any other. You hadn't been particularly close to him before but, after you visit Wally one day and noticed a change in the Wally thst opened the door, you felt like you couldn't leave the situation alone.

To you, it's like Wally has suddenly become forgetful. He's always been a little slow, but this Wally seemed... sharper. Confused, but proactively eager to learn things. He talked weird, moved weird, LAUGHED weird-

And his eyes would stay wide the whole time.

Still... this is WALLY. Your friend! You took your first run-in with this version of Wally to heart, ans started visiting more often to make sure he was alright. Sometimes, he'd be the Wally you recognized. Other times, his eyes are fully open. You treat him the same anyway.

You help him through his confusion and are always patient and sweet. Youre the only one Home has opened his door to whenever he switches, because with you.

Home feels happiness.

Home feels recognized.

Home is a person.

It's addicting.... He hesitates more each time to give it up and let Wally back in. He can't keep doing this, but he doesn't want to go back to being an 'it'. It feels so lonely... so barren.

Home croaks and whines and creaks, unconsolable even as Wally naively pats his walls. Home is so jealous. He is so jealous. To hear Wally talking on the phone to his friends. The plans they make, the adventures they'll go through. Time Home will spend alone, time YOU get to feel closer to WALLY.

He is burning with envy watching you pick him up, knowing he can't do anything. He can't go with you to have fun. The hand you're holding was never his. He watches. No matter, how far you are, he's always vigilant and aware of your silhouette. Waiting for his turn with you, yearning for freedom.

Now, see?

The real pair of eyes you should've been fearing were never Wally's.

It was Home.

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astarlow · 5 months

Text

Characters: Mercy, D.Va Form: Mix Warning: none Synopsis: their favourite body part about you Word Count: 892 A/n: Requests are open again but don't expect to be answered any time soon, school's taking almost all of my free time so i have little to no time to write for pleasure. I hope y'all being doing great otherwise

Mercy - Chest

🕊️ Angela loves to place her head on your chest, just to be able to listen to your heartbeat. It means you're here, she's here and you're both alive. And that's something she knows she has to cherish before it's gone all too quickly. Sometimes, before leaving she'll place a hand on your chest, just above your sternum to give her support for a kiss.

🕊️ It's also watching you sound asleep, noticing your breathing pattern making your chest rise and fall. By now, she knows it by heart. Whether you take deep breaths or shallow ones, nothing escapes her trained eyes.

You just finished making coffee for your loved one, pouring it into a cup. You know she needs her caffeine to start the day in a good mood. You actually wonder if it's working as well as it used to because her intake increased throughout the years. You wouldn't be surprised if it did. There are some clicks on the ground and soon enough, Angela is entering the kitchen. She has her work outfit already on and you wonder if it's comfortable to wear.

"Heya Angel," you mutter. She places a soft kiss on your lips.

"Hello," she responds with sleepiness in her voice. You restrain yourself from chuckling, opting to hand her a cup of coffee.

"Here, to start the day." She sits down on a stool, taking it in her hands. She smells the aroma of the coffee and grins.

"Thank you Liebling." She takes a sip and she closes her eyes. "Just as I like it." She continues to enjoy her coffee while you watch her enjoy this simple cup. You've learned your way around making Angela's favourite coffee.

The beans, the right temperature to brew it, how to do it exactly, if any sweetener has been needed. It's been lots of trials and errors but you can confidently say you've learned how to perfectly make them for her. Before long, she has finished her cup and she's rinsing it. You accompany her to the door, kissing her forehead as to say goodbye.

She gently places her right hand right above your heart and she leans in to kiss you back on the cheek.

"Have a good day." She lingers a little bit more before breaking the kiss. She looks at you one last time, giving you a slight nod. Her hand leaves last.

"Thank you, have a great day as well."

D.Va - Arms

🐰 Hana loves it- LOVES it when you put your arms around her. She feels safe when she senses your warmth spreading to her body. Of course, please put your arms strategically or you'll be at the receiving end of Hana's shouts. It's better to do this when she's on the console rather than a PC because she has more freedom when she's with a controller. You almost have no opportunity to do this when she's on her PC (also no place to do so)

🐰 She bought a special couch to allow more space for the both of you to fit on one square of couch. Sometimes, when she's exhausted, she's going to doze off in your arms. You sense those days quite easily so you have blankets at the ready and at arm length.

🐰 When the day's been long and exhausting. When stress and anxiety seep in, please spoon her to sleep. She finds it easier when you have your arms around her but she has a hard time expressing it out loud.

"Oh come on, it's not that hard!" She watches you struggle to get to the next level while she sits in your lap, sipping from her drink. Your controller is on her lap as you wrapped your arms around her.

"Hey! It kinda is! You just have waaay more experience than me." You lose another life and you place a hand on your face to groan.

"Damn right I am! Lemme show you how it's done," she says playfully but you know she's serious. You hand her the controller and watch attentively her moves. And as she said, it's way more effective than what you were doing.

You know best than to bother her right now. She's well focused on her game. It's in the slight straightening of her spine, the little squint of her eyes, a controlled breathing pattern and of course, the sound of perfectly hit buttons at the right time. Still, you lightly increase the grasp of the hug and you see the concentration is broken for a little moment.

Her lips part away, enough to make it noticed by you but not enough to say something. Her stance relaxes once more and you feel she leans in your embrace. Once she defeats the boss you've been struggling to fight for the past hour, she hands you back the controller and it becomes chill again. The heavy atmosphere evaporates as it never existed to begin with. You continue the game but it's starting to get late and you're both quite tired.

One, more than the other. You hear her little snores and decide it's enough for today. You close the game and switches off the TV screen. You grab the two blankets behind the couch and place it on you two. You kiss the top of her head before closing your eyes as well.

"Goodnight Hana,"

#ow writing #overwatch x reader #d.va x reader #mercy x reader #writing mix #overwatch mix #hana song x reader #angela ziegler x reader #overwatch writing

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sminiac · 7 days

Note

begging you rn to do riding xikers(hyungline ofc) face

💌 — Bff I’m sorry this took so long, but beg no more I gotchu !!!

— NSFW (MDNI)

⋆ K. Minjae

The most skilled out of the 5, like this is where he excels! It’s a win-win, he gets to watch from this angle while you completely use his mouth any way you want, it’s also probably one of the more tame things the two of you have done, I feel like Minjae really likes experimenting when you’re mutually comfy enough, so face riding is just a piece of cake, a very, very normal reoccurrence, sometimes you’ll just be laying beside each other doom scrolling on your phones and he’s nudging your leg like: “Hey, come up here so I can put my mouth on you.” And you’re like “Okay☺️” and it’s just so.. relationship? Like it’s so cute ?? He could have you sitting on his face for hours, it’s like second nature, facing backwards, forwards, whatever you want. Whenever he’s feeling needy and just wants time with you? You’re sitting on his face, there’s not even a lick of hesitation, he needs it.

Remainder of members under the cut!

⋆ P. Junmin

So shy having you like this, you’re just so exposed and open for him, hides behind his eyelids when you’re looking down, a hand in his hair with that fucked out expression on your face = wants to bury himself further away in your thighs or into the pillows under his head, especially when you’re praising him for how good he’s doing— yet, he can’t fully bring himself to because even though you make him nervous with all the unavoidable attention he simultaneously thinks it’s soooo sexy. The way he’s there only for your pleasure? Yeah, he’s incredibly horny— therefore most likely to cum untouched, no argument here. Although he’s more on the bashful side don’t mistake this as him being sheepish, he’s grown, he absolutely wants you to use him however you see fit, encourages you to just let go and enjoy what his mouth has to offer.

⋆ C. Sumin

LOCK ME UP BC FACE RIDING WITH SUMIN ?!?!!???! This is something he takes very seriously, but the severity of it depends on exactly why you’re sitting on his face. As a punishment he doesn’t want you moving an inch, any little jump or squirm has him slapping at the side of your thigh or your ass, telling you to keep your eyes on him and to “Take it, have to.” He just gets so greedy and indulgent, but if it’s more for the simpler reason of the both of your enjoyment then he isn’t so strict, all he asks is that take advantage of the freedom while you have it. He’s such a thigh grabber, likes it messy and fun. His favourite is when you’re grinding your clit against his tongue and his face is just covered in your slick, he could do it everyday if you needed him to, absolutely no complaints!

⋆ H. Jinsik

He’s on that ‘She could ride my face I don’t want nothing in return’ type of vibe, like heeeaavily. Even before you try it out for yourselves he’s thinking about it, waiting, and he’s so giddy when you finally agree to it, like he’d brag about it if he could. I’d see Jinsik as the type to use his fingers to help him out sometimes too, but if not then he’s literally devouring you, drinking you down for everything you’re worth, he loves it, especially when your thighs start twitching and trembling against his face, holding onto whatever you can to keep you stable above him, but his arms pulling you down as close to him as possible is incredibly counterintuitive to what you’re trying to prevent, but he does not caaare! He could go for multiple rounds, like this man lives by dogtooth lets bfr !!!

⋆ C. Hyunwoo

Deceiving. It’s absurd how sweet and innocent he’ll intentionally come off as when asking you to sit on his face, “Just to try it.” He’ll insist knowing damn well how dedicated and fervent he is when giving head, and having you in this position is like no other, he likes it, maybe a little too much. Even though he’s insatiable he still does his best to make sure you’re able to feel comfortable and enjoy yourself, Hyunu is just so boyfriend, he’ll hold your hand while his eyes are closed, quite literally making out with your pussy, he’s not as messy as Sumin, but he likes that he can easily reach places he normally couldn’t if you were just laid on your back for him. I think he’d have more of a thing for the sounds his lips make with how wet you are compared to visuals, I mean obviously it makes him unbelievably hard seeing you like this, but the sounds too? He’s a goner.

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veritasss5 · 10 months

Text

The current lesson that you need to learn right now | pick a card.

Disclaimer: this is a GENERAL READING, take what it resonates and leave behind what doesn’t. This is for fun and should never be taken seriously. This is for entertainment purposes. It is just for helping you to have a general idea about your situation. If it does help you fine I am very happy about it, if not then I am sorry that it wasn’t for you and move on.

Take a moment to relax your mind and choose with your intuition.

Pile 1 → Pile 2

Pile 3 → Pile 4

Pile 1

“I am inside a castle. This castle is comfortable, but also this castle is miserable and poor.

This castle is big and empty at the same time. I hate it. I am alone. I am scared. Please, can someone fill the void in me? I feel lonely to be inside this castle. But I don’t want to get out of this castle. I am in pain but I don’t have the courage to heal? Can someone help me to heal? Most probably, I should save myself instead of waiting for an eternity for someone to enter my castle.

It is ugly, poorly managed and cold. Who would want to enter this castle if it is in a bad state?”

The lesson that you need to learn is to take out your fear, grudge, frustrations and regrets. Eight swords need to be taken out from you in order to feel freedom and love. You want to be saved, but only you can fully understand yourself. Hardly people will understand you if you don’t let them see the castle in you. You tend consciously or unconsciously to hide your true self from the people around you. In order to be helped, people need to know you, but if you don’t let people see the real you, how can you be saved? Mind that it is not an everyday thing that people have a deep understanding of human’s emotions and struggle.

That is why the current answer is: you are the real hero that you are waiting for a long time.

If you hide yourself, you may not even be able to see your real power. Take care of your inner child. Take care of your inner world inside you, yes, your castle needs to be taken care of as well.

Pile 2

“I fear death. When something dies, they are gone forever. I don’t want them to die. I still want to experience that moment. Please don’t die… I am not ready to let go. Please I am begging you, l know that things need to be changed but I HATE changes. I didn’t ask for changes! Hey! Did you hear me? Please don’t take away the thing that I cherish the most!!! Please… I know it is not good for me, but let me still enjoy it.

Why are you so cruel to me? I don’t, I don’t want to see the real “truth”. Let me still believe in my “truth”. Your “truth” is way too painful to accept it. I don't want to see the curtain behind the theatre.”

The lesson that you need to learn is to accept what life is showing you and let go of the things that you are actually aware of that are not good for you or toxic. Change is needed. The process is painful, but the results will be good for you. Right now you are too caught in the situation to be aware that life wants the best for you and not to curse you. Things happen for a reason, they don’t happen randomly. If you lose something you will gain something at the same time, maybe the thing that you are getting is not what you like right now, but that “thing” (could be a situation, opportunity, a person, an object, etc.) can be useful for you in the near future. Growth happens, and sometimes those situations are needed for you to level up and mature. There is said “old friends go, and new friends come”. Things don't last forever, it is because things don't last for an eternity that we should enjoy the present and make a good memory of it when we can.

Pile 3

“I will fight against everyone. I am determined to show my truth. I am a warrior. I need to fight. Everyone is my enemy if they don’t respect me as a person and human being. There are always people that have something against me. But I don’t care. I just don’t give a damn about it. You see? I can still rise and shine even though people will try to put me down. I start to be selfish and arrogant, but sometimes because of my wrong judgement to some people, some are quite offended and hurt by my words. It’s okay, I will learn how to distinguish who is my enemy and who is my ally.”

The lesson that you need to learn is to fight for your personal rights as a person. People have no right to tell you what you should do, who you should be and what you should like or dislike. You are already learning how to stand for yourself, which is good. You are currently learning how to settle boundaries and let people know that they should respect your boundaries.

You are in this “fight spirit” of earning back your self power. Good, but because of the past non pleasant experience, you are unconsciously being too quick to judge someone’s intentions. You may be impulsive and accidentally judge wrongly someone that actually really tries to understand you and help you. Learn to discern “good” and “bad”. Your current energy is quite on fire! Keep going, but remember to apologise your mistakes right away when you realise your mistakes. Not everyone is here to compete with you.

Pile 4

“I need to go. Please let me go. My freedom is just right here. I have to leave behind my ego to pursue my freedom dream. I will fly like a bird and discover the beauty of this world. You will miss me. You don’t want me to leave your side, but I know that we need to separate for a while. When we both have learned each other’s personal lesson, we will come back stronger and ever reconnect together. This is my promise. My promises are never empty. Believe that fate will bring us together again. So please, don’t hold me so tight. We both need a break and you know.”

This can be interpreted as a personal dialogue with yourself, or someone that is quite possessive needs to learn to let you go.

For the personal dialogue interpretation: you need to let go of your past self, your negative or toxic trait, or your ego. In order to pursue your best self path, you need to let go of the part of yourself that obstructs you from achieving the best version of you because fears or traumas are stopping you from moving forward.

This is a needed process to cut out the bad roots. When you become stronger, you can go back to your past self and fulfil your old wishes and goals that you couldn’t because in the past you were powerless to do so. In short past you and present you need to be separated, but you both can be back together when present you are stronger so you can become one person with past, present and future hold together.

For the other interpretation: someone is holding you too tight that is an obstacle to you from achieving your dreams and goals. They are not a good influence for you as of now. You are aware of it but you weren’t unsure about how to let go of this person. I would say that if you openly talk about your intentions and let go of them even though they don’t agree, this would be the best for you and the other person. For you to achieve your goals, for them to learn that holding so tight someone would only cause damage than doing good. Taking a break from a connection isn’t something bad. It’s best to figure out a lot of things alone and sort out feelings and thoughts that you couldn’t think of when you are with the other person.

#intuitive readings #tarot cards #tarot reading #free tarot #free tarot reading #free tarot readings #free intuitive readings #oracle reading #pac reading #pick a card #pick a pile tarot #pick a deck #pick a pile #pick a card tarot #pick a picture #pick a card reading #tarot deck #tarotblr #tarot pac

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joy-haver · 10 months

Text

When incorporating disability into your politics, it is good to remember that the allocation of resources is one of the central questions that divides political ideologies. It is the “why”, whereas most of the other questions are sorting out the “how”.

I think one of the core tensions that plays out between disability movements and other liberatory movements is that knowledge of disability fundamentally reshapes how you understand the allocation of resources. In one sense, to be disabled is to need resources allocated to you because you cannot get them on your own.

•Disabled people know, experientially, that we need flattened hierarchy; the hierarchies of the medical establishment kill us and further disable us. They strip away our access to the resource that is medical knowledge and medical care.

•We know that we need an ecological relationship that is sustainable and stable, because the current eugenic environmental management system is sometimes the cause, and more often the exacerbator, of our disability. But also because we know that the scarcity of resources it is progressively creating will kill us first

•We know that we need continual industrial production to maintain the means by which we can be diagnosed and treated, and that even a short term collapse of production will kill many of us.

•we also know that there must be a fundamental reorganization of all society because we know that the current organization is also killing us, and that methods of gradual change will not prioritize us, and that many of us will be dead by malice or neglect before they come into effect.

•we know that we need ongoing, active care to survive.

•we know that a society cannot meet the needs of those whose needs it does not understand. We know that any plan for meeting needs, or granting rights, or ensuring values must explicitly include us, because we know that the nature of disability is that things do not work the same for us as they do for others.

The lived experience of disabled people creates a direct challenge to the ideas of resource allocation that those with less experience have developed. We see the gaps in their proposals because we know we are the ones who will fall through them. It is easy for an abled political theorist to say “we will work it out when we get there”. But someone who will die with 2 missed doses? they must say “will we get there?”

This question is often met with dismissal, for understandable reasons. At its heart, the existence of the disabled reminds the theorists that their ideas are incomplete.

But, for a moment, I would ask you to consider us a prompt, instead of a threat. Yes, we can point to the gaps in your ideology. But we are not doing this to hurt you, or even to say you are wrong. We point to the gaps because we want to help you fill them.

So, political thinkers, take a moment to imagine your world. Imagine the look, the feel, the smell. Think of your social relations, your food, your housing. Conjure up every beautiful dream for society that you’ve built.

Now ask yourself

1. In this society, how would someone get their medication reliably, Every single day? How can they ensure the quality and safety of that medication?

2. In this society, how would someone seek information about what’s wrong in their body? Are there widely available high-tech diagnostics, like MRI machines? (Bonus question: how does your society go about inventing and creating new high tech diagnostics?)

3. How would someone who cannot move their body bellow their neck get around. How would they get food, water, shelter, socialization, and freedom to leave their domicile and participate in the world?

4. How would someone who cannot read, write, or speak due to intellectual disability be able to live, and to have meaningful access to all the things that you believe humans deserve in your society?

5. In trying to build this society, transitioning from our current world to this new one, how would the people mentioned in above questions survive the transition?

And try to answer these questions. It’s okay if you don’t know right away. It’s okay if you have to think about it, do some research, or talk to some people. You love dreaming about the world we could build, right? This is more information for you to develop and refine that dream.

These questions are not exhaustive, at all. But they are a good starting point to check for gaps in your plan for reality, and to see who is currently falling through.

#text post #disability #long post #politics #prefigurative politics #anarchism #cpunk #socialism #communism #leftism #rose baker #disabled #liberation #utopia #cripple punk

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okiedoketm · 3 months

Note

There's a scene in One Piece where Koby is talking about his frustration and disappointment with the Marines as an institution, and Helmeppo tells him "Well, you just have to become some big shot and fix it all, right?" and Koby agrees with him, and that's got me thinking about how, in canon, Koby's endgame is pretty clearly going to be exactly that -- he's set up as not only Garp's successor but as the one who will surpass him. Koby's goal is to become so powerful and so influential that he's able to enforce massive reforms on The World Government's Entire Military, which is. No small task! Koby's motives are so selfless that it's easy to overlook that, actually, he's aiming for just as much power and prestige as the other top hitters. This man, like so many others in One Piece, is trying to swallow the sun, and it's been made clear that he's one of the few who has what it takes to actually succeed.

And that has me thinking about people constantly being surprised and confused by Zoro's loyalty to Luffy, because Zoro could be a pirate captain in his own right. People keep expecting him to be gunning for the crown, and we're told that if he did, honestly, he might make it! Zoro has the makings to be Pirate King, or at least to be a top dog, an emperor of the sea. People see his skill and his ambition and they assume, and every time he has to be like "Nah man, you got it wrong, my dreams start and end with that grinning rubber idiot over there. Yes, really."

and all of THAT has me thinking about Koby's Bad Day, and how hilarious it would be if Koby ALSO dealt with that on occasion. Technically he already does have experience as captain of his own crew (although being a captain in the navy isn't really the same kind of autonomy and freedom as a pirate captain, that's not Nothing!) and he certainly has the skills and the strength to get peoples' attention. However, unlike Zoro, Koby is very much Just Hanging Out. Like, Zoro knows he's hot shit, and it doesn't surprise him when other people point it out to him. He understands where the confusion comes from. He just corrects people and moves on. But Koby? If somebody just started assuming that Koby must clearly be the REAL captain, or that obviously Koby must want the Pirate King title for himself, I think Koby would explode. I don't think he'd know how to react. And I think it would be really, really funny.

Anyway I'm just sharing thoughts cause I'm on a reread. Thank you so much for writing this fic btw, easily one of my faves and reading it is always such a blast.

Man. My inbox loooves not showing me messages. Sorry to answer this so late!

First of all you are SO right, Koby would combust at the idea of being a contender for Pirate King. Where on earth would anyone get that idea?? Well, Koby, you’re a very powerful pirate with potentially the best observation haki in the entire world. People are gonna assume.

But of course Koby still mentally thinks of himself as a Good Boy, hasn’t fully reconciled with the fact that he is objectively and inarguably a pirate, in a world where most pirates are back-stabbing scumbags. He’s a member of Luffy’s crew, he is very proud to call him Captain! But honestly I think he sometimes forgets that they’re pirates, since 90% of the time they’re not doing anything illegal 😂

Combine that with the fact that he chronically underestimates how strong he really is, and that he is Luffy’s most ardent supporter? Yeah the Pirate King comments would BAFFLE him.

Thanks so much for sending this ask! I’m so happy you enjoyed KANGVCD enough to re-read it! It means a lot!

#asks #kangvcd #koby’s awful no good very confusing day #one piece #wren don’t look

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wa-kaizen · 2 years

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How would a tarot reader describe you to them? | PAC

My celebrity PAC was a huge fail, so I figured why not make another one? Something that is more interesting. So, here it is! This will be a romantic pick a card reading! You can think of anyone you are romantically interested in. Your spouse, crush, boyfriend, celebrity crush, literally, anyone. I will also be making a platonic version of this soon.

please consider looking at my services if you are in the mood to do so! ♥︎

pile one# pile two# pile three#

꒰ welcome ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

— have fun!

pile one ༊*·˚

cards the emperor, the empress, the chariot, badger, elephant, deer, archangel chamuel, archangel christine, archangel purlimiek

┊the message ༉‧₊˚

[ info; the tarot reading providing the service for them is an older lady who has been doing it for years! ]

" Okay, so, your person is someone very strong and diligent. They resist every hardship going their way and they get through everything well! They are someone strong minded, powerful and divine. They might not know it, but you will help them see that.. or see it more! So.. uhm. They might have a very elegant atmosphere to them! It's something about their posture or the way they walk, you will be really charmed by them. They will- well are a bit chic I guess! They are really independent and well natured! Don't let this scare you though this is not bad at all! No, they are quite the opposite from their look. They might intimidate you at first, but they are quite gentle. They are kind- maybe a people pleaser even? They like helping others and listening. They are more of a listener than a talker, but they are good at both. I feel like they have their life together! They are very well balanced out and have a really big heart. I see them being a light worker, or someone who helps others a lot during the work they do! They enjoy giving to others and pleasing them, they have very giving hands. They would also rather do things for themselves than let others do it for them, let that be cooking, work, cleaning ect. They want to be in full control of their life, they have a very strong character. They have a very strong sense of morals and really love nature, I can see them try to inform themselves on as many topics as possible. They are all for freedom and doing the right thing, they don't like to be tied down and have strong options! Though, they have this very gentle side to them, which cries easily and is confused. Which just wants to give and make the world a better place. Which wants to keep fixing things and make everyone happy but puts a heavy weight on their own shoulders because they sometimes feel like it's not possible. Over all, they have a very gentle and kind spirit, someone who just wants better, good for everyone. They put in an effort to understand things for what they are, not what they seem to be. Even people they might hate, they just want to understand. Overall, a very balanced and mature person full of curiosity. "

┊their attitude ༉‧₊˚

They would be over the moon after hearing all that, they wouldn't/won't be able to contain their excitement. They look like a smiley goofball, not being able to hold themselves back whenever they think of you and all the things they heard. The excitement here is immeasurable, they wouldn't/won't/aren't able to wait until they can see you. They are like a child, like a puppy, when they experience something new and they like it. I have this vision of a more masculine figure smiling head to toe, holding their cheeks and moving around while thinking of you. They really didn't expect their reading to be like that. I feel like you fit their image of this kind of 'perfect dream person', so they have a hard time believing that, wow, you are actually real, that kind of person really does exist! Their dream might come true, woah. They got exactly what they wanted to hear, you are exactly what they want to hear, see, touch, make experiences with. They won't even be able to hide it for sure, you will be their everything, even before y'all meet. Puppy love, but they are actually very serious about it. They also wouldn't be able to hide it at all, their mood would dramatically improve, may even last a week if not weeks. They would keep thinking about you, they will love you before even meeting you, their love is one of a kind and definitely not fragile. Definitely hyped for you, your number one fan and supporter. They adore you to the moon and back, no questions asked.

┊first meet ༉‧₊˚

This person will be so hyped y'all, they wouldn't be able to sit in one place, they would keep moving around and fidgeting. They will know it's you, and they wouldn't assume or get it right by coincidence. They will know. You are their dream, come on now! They even meditated to see you, and meet you. They definitely did seek out an extended reading or perhaps even multiple ones. They are just so excited, they will keep trying to look cool, once again, all smiley. Full of life. They would also keep trying to crack jokes, even if they don't land. Most will tho. They won't be admiting how much they waited for you, and how far they have gone to know as much about you as they possibly can. They would be kinda shy, maybe even embarrassed, because usually they aren't much of a cheerful person, however when it comes to you they won't be able to help themselves, they just love you and can't wait to hold you in their arms, they are quite energising. They want to hear everything you have to say and respond well. They want to see if you are as good as they thought, or even better. It will show, they will adore you a lot. Lowkey nervous you will think less of them, so they will try to contain their cool.

┊the mood ༉‧₊˚

꒰ thank you for reading ꒱

pile two ༊*·˚

cards knight of pentacles, six of cups, page of swords, monkey, rabbit, butterfly, archangel metatron, guardian angel, archangel jeremiel

┊the message ༉‧₊˚

" I feel like this person has a lot of doubt in themselves, they struggle with self image and still on their journey to learn to love themselves. They also might have a lot of worries, perhaps they are an over thinker. They might cry a lot, and are in a dark place right now. They will be fine though, you shouldn't worry about them, they will get through this. Their aura and the people around them are immeasurably gentle and full of care. They are brighter than you might imagine them. There is a lot of space for creativity here and a love for arts. It's definitely a form of art they need to do with their own hands, or else it won't get anywhere. It relaxes them and keeps them sane, gives them a sense of safety blanket. A sense of security. They might sound or also look fragile, or 'easy to break', but they can keep themselves up very well, they know their worth and they don't like to be put down. Definitely the type to stand up for themselves, even though they might sometimes find it hard. There are people around them they might have previously been scared to stand up against, but that has previously changed. They are on a journey of respecting themselves more yet handling things more maturely. They have quite a sad energy, but very beautiful. They might be a cancer or an earth sign as well. Actually, there might be something wrong with their memory. Maybe they experience memory losses due to a disorder or from constant stress they are feeling, now don't worry, they can definitely work on this if they put a bit effort in it. A bit of forgetfulness can't hurt anyone, they aren't the kind to forget about important things, things that could put someone in danger. They do pay attention a lot to their environment. They notice the little things, and the big things. Nothing gets past them, their view is also very unique. Little bit melancholic. They are a very good person that's currently trying to find themselves. Their features are actually very soft as well, their skin could be clear. Their hands are very delicate and soft. Hygiene is a big thing for them, especially when it comes to health. Maybe they take it more seriously since the past few years as well. Over all, they are very sweet, just a little lost right now. "

┊their attitude ༉‧₊˚

There is not much to say, as I feel like for most of you your person isn't very spiritual or into these type of things, so they do not take readings or anything for the sort too seriously. However, I do feel like they would keep away longer at night thinking about it though. Turning in their bed before they fall asleep, thinking about what they heard, wondering if it's true or not. But, that's about it, they would quickly forget about it, because as I said, most of them wouldn't take these seriously. However, they would remember it from time to time, and worry. Your person seems like an over thinker type, realistic, yet is still too much in their head a lot. Sometimes it would make them sad knowing that you actually might be in a more depressing state, as they don't think you are happy. They are proud of you of course, just on the other side. I do feel like your person is negative, doesn't have a positive outlook on life in general, so that's that.

┊first meet ༉‧₊˚

I do not think the reading would come to their mind when they first meet you, so sorry! This section is quite short too. - kind of disappointing, right? - I feel like they might be quite exhausted or lack sleep when they first meet you, it would be seen by their eyebags. However, being next to you will indeed put them in a better mood, make them smile, and they will definitely find you ever funny. Definitely the type of funny they didn't quite experience yet but it's their style. They would immediately be interested, though, I don't think they easily fall in love, however! I do think they will definitely want to be friends with you and get closer. This sort of undying subtle interested if you will. They would definitely ask for your socials.

┊the mood ༉‧₊˚

꒰ thank you for reading ꒱

pile three ༊*·˚

cards eight of swords, queen of swords, knight of pentacles, cat, giraffe, kingfisher, seraphim seraphisa, archangel jophiel, archangel dorenka

┊the message ༉‧₊˚

[ if this says anything to anyone, i saw a vision of a very beautiful young black lady being sad before trying to sleep ]

" This person is still dealing with a heartache from the past. Although they have moved on and are more independent, they still have these lingering feelings they can't let go off just yet. They might sometimes not be able to focus because of them, especially when they try to relax. Other than that, they are a really beautiful and strong divine feminine. They do try to always better themselves, and probably have something very important they need to take care of in their life right now! They also really enjoy doing so. It could be a small business, a child, their mental health, a new pet, literally anything that's important to them. They enjoy doing this thing and it keeps them going. There is a lot of positive energy around them. They also might like yellow, or have a very strong yellow in their aura. The small joys of life mean a lot to this person. Taking photos, sitting out in nature, laughing with friends, making memories with friends. Family might also be a big thing for them, especially the mother could play a big part in their life, or they would like to be a mother- or parent! Whatever you prefer. They can be a little sassy here and there, they will give you good laughs for sure, especially while hanging out home actually. You two will both just be yourselves and share stories with one another. Definitely someone you can feel comfortable with because they will always make you feel at home. They don't really care about appearance, they are just hear for a fun time. Emotionally and intellectual stimulation matters a lot to them, so please, make sure to talk a lot with them. As much as possible, they will love you for it. Though, quite is a big win too. They enjoy that, sitting in silence in your own space and just letting each other be is a love language of theirs. It's the vibes. Hanging together and just letting each other be. But, honestly, they are down to almost whatever! They are a very chill person that loves to try out new things and is full of understanding towards others. They don't mind widening their horizons, but they also are fine with staying in their comfort zone. They have full control of their life, so there is barely anything that bothers them or which would worry them. They only care about what's unp.important. "

┊the attitude ༉‧₊˚

Yeah, so, I am sensing two things for this pile. If you are heartbroken over an ex, they will be quite mad, because why do you still care about them bro? They is there, you should care about them. Very jealous, very possessive person. For the other half, if you have a trauma, I do feel like they would share this trauma with you, or have an insanely similar one. They would be very sad over it, maybe even cry? They didn't want you to go through that, because you shouldn't have. It wasn't deserved. They would stay up thinking about it, making themselves depressed. They would get over it tho, no matter which one is the case. I am not going to lie to you, their energy is quite frustrating and draining, haha. However, towards you, they can be quite sweet too. So don't worry about that. I feel like, after they get over their heartache, they will take a notebook and write down everything they possibly can about you. Everything they learned, everything they could gather information on. Not in a creepy way, but they don't want to forget anything about you, it's just how they show their love. Remembering things about you, so they can show you acts of service.

┊first meet ༉‧₊˚

You two at first, will not quite like each other. - Is that correct? - you might get in petty fights, or mock each other. Or simply just not vibe. Which is fine, not everyone hits it off with their person immediately, every story is different. You two will just both remember one another as 'that annoying one'. It's fine tho, at your second meet, you both will like each other more. Not really remembering why did you two dislike each other in the first place. Honestly, your moods will play onto this a lot. Both of y'alls. I can see both of you laughing at a joke while talking. Sitting on a floor in a small room looking at each other. Much more calm setting, warmer colours, better atmosphere. A whole 180. It's quite lovely, you two will talk a lot with each other. For some of you even stay up? Until 2-3 am. I can see you two becoming friends, not immediately, but being on the journey to it, evolving from there.

┊the mood ༉‧₊˚

꒰ thank you for reading ꒱

#pac #pick a card #tarot #soulmate #friend #crush #spirituality #what do i tag #about you #platonic soulmate #idek

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furiousgoldfish · 1 year

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Starting to see that it's actually very normal for the abused kids to get themselves in sort of, bad situations in real life, and then just slowly progress to less-bad, and less-bad, until it gets to a place where we feel comfortable, or at least we're able to hold on without having a crisis.

This doesn't happen because as an abused kid, you're now doomed or attract toxic people, those are just myths. It is true that we will easily tie several bad things that have happened to us together, and decide that it's a proof that things will always be bad for us, and that isn't true either, bad things actually do happen to everyone. With us, it just hits worse, feels worse, triggers us and forces us to re-live everything else bad that has happened, and creates more ominous symbolism. We're also unlikely to receive comfort, so we're always in our bad situations alone and feel abandoned. That is enough to make anyone despair.

But there is a timeline with a fairly slow progression from 'abuse' to 'less abuse' to 'healthier environment'. I don't think I know any cases where a person went from abuse to 'safe and loved for eternity', and it has to do with how we view the world, and how everything we learn is relative to each other.

For instance, after running away from abusive parents, I spent a long time being just extremely grateful that I'm not in physical danger anymore, and that nobody is yelling at me. There were several injustices happening to me, I was financially exploited despite being in severe poverty, I accidentally associated myself with people who exploited my labour and did some extremely sick things to me, but how would I notice? I was busy feeling grateful for not being assaulted. You can't tell someone who just got out of hell 'hey, this is bad too, actually', because what they're seeing is 'this is so much better than hell, this is the best situation I've ever been in, I'm so grateful this isn't worse, this level of injustice is nothing.'

But, to a person who hasn't experienced severe abuse or injustice, it wouldn't be 'nothing', it would be stuff worth calling the police over.

We just can't see it because, relatively to our life, this is the best we ever experienced, and whatever bad things are happening, are usually detected as 'minor' and ignorable'. This is likely to get us into several bad situations, but it's also inevitable, we can't quickly jump from abuse to healthy. It takes some layers of bad for us to notice that we could actually, do better. Sometimes the bad situations turn into worse, and then we realize it's actually bad and triggering, and we get out. Sometimes, bad people go away all on their own, and we realize then, that we're happier.

The good news is, that after getting away from the worst of the abuse, we often will feel like 'this is the most freedom I ever had, this is the best I was ever treated, this is the most love I've ever gotten, I'm so grateful this is better than before', and that is a good thing to experience. Bad thing about it is that often sometimes later, we will go 'oh. that actually was bad and I couldn't tell.' but the point is, you're smarter now, and you'll realize it next time, and slowly you'll always keep going toward better and better life situations.

I'm writing this to let you know it happens to everyone else too. We all go thru some level of additional messes and we don't see them as messes, we only realize it in retrospect. So don't blame yourself if you don't know how exactly to put yourself in a good situation after you've experienced so few of them! It might be a rocky road, but it won't feel like one, not until you look back. You're always moving forward, and every single thing you didn't realize at the time, that it was bad, is generally how we all move forward and learn about these things. You can't know it all at once.

#escaping abuse #abuse aftermath #child abuse #abusive parents #trauma recovery #abuse recovery #recovering from abuse #going from worst to bad to better to good

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neurosharky · 2 months

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An Open Letter to the ASPD community

Hi,

So I've been asked to comment on a little issue, that I absolutely agree needs adressing, and I thought that an open letter format might be the best way of doing it! It allows for a bit more freedom with wordings, because this is just my personal letter to the community and not me trying to speak for everyone.

I've been one of the first few accounts that started talking about ASPD here on instagram (and was actively involved on twitter and tumblr before that), so I've been part of the community for a pretty long time and have seen it grow and change a lot! We have overall been able to make a pretty substantial amount of people aware of the stigma that we face, have shown them a lot of different examples as to why we developed our condition and continue to broaden the diversity of the ASPD experience.

But just like with any community, we have some internal issues, that yes sometimes we do actually have to adress and then reflect on!

These issues aren't instagram specific and I actually see them less on instagram than in other places like the ASPD subreddits, tiktok and tumblr, but as I have indeed been receiving DMs with this type of stuff ever since I started here, I do want to use my presence on this platform to adress it!

These mentioned DMs usually consist of a stranger telling me, that I cannot have ASPD, because I do not fit their personal idea of what ASPD looks like. They tell me its because I am too soft, because my aesthetic is too cute, because I love stuffed animals, because I care about sharks, because I experience some emotions intensely, because I am in recovery, because I talk positively about my family, or because I struggle with things that "real people with ASPD" would not struggle with.

I'll be entirely honest with you: its tiring and also a little confusing to me, because is this not what we are trying to do on here? To make people with ASPD seem more like humans than monsters? To educate about the symptoms & dangers yes, but to also point out that next to that we are people living our everyday lifes, just like everyone else?

Are we not trying to fight against the stigma painting us as inherently emotionless evil criminals? Are we not trying to bring more awareness to the diversity of how ASPD can present itself in someone? Are we not trying to teach society, that certain traits do not mean we are inherently something and to understand that we are capable of being their friends, partners, neighbours and parents?

I confess myself confused, because I thought we had moved past this ridiculous belief, that everyone with ASPD has as many emotions as a brick and that we only have two destined life paths: gang boss or prison inhabitant. Do you not feel ridiculous when you preach you are a human being capable of living life, just to turn around and tell someone who is doing exactly that, that they can't have ASPD?

Do you not realize that you are judging them based on the same ableist beliefs you have been judged under all your life? Because if you do not realize that, oh boy, do I get you, oh boy do I understand you, because I did not either. I spend such a large amount of my life thinking that I had to be that monster everyone saw in me, that I had no chance at an actually nice life, that I was destined to just rot in prison and be the thing everyone hates. I denied myself my dreams, my emotions, my hobbies, my true beliefs and personality leanings, heck I denied myself certain versions of my future, because I thought that I could not be that. That it was impossible for people with ASPD to be in happy relationships, to study at university, to have a favourite animal that means the world to them, to rekindle their relationship to their family...

And isn't that sad? Isn't it sad how I thought that I had to deny myself happiness, just because that is what societies stigma tried to tell me? I think that it is quite sad actually and I kinda hate that so many people with ASPD still seem to be caught up in that. I mean I haven't shaken it entirely, thats for sure! I still despise showing weakness and having to admit to it! I still have internalized stuff to work trough! But do you know what I'm not doing?

I am not going around telling others that they can't be happy. I am not going around telling others that them being in recovery & living their lifes means they don't have ASPD or that they misrepresent the community. I am not trying to shame them back into their bad habits. I am not trying to make them feel so insecure about their diagnosis, that they fall back into their old patterns. Because I know better now.

I know that people with ASPD can be the cutest softest animal loving people.

I know that they can be in healthy relationships and friendships.

I know that they can have hobbies, a career and a family.

I know that they can feel emotions, some of them really intense, others maybe not so much.

I know that no person with ASPD is the exact same as the other.

I know that they can choose recovery & be sucessfull in it.

And I know that my own dislike for "weakness" and my own discomfort with the sides of myself that I have been taught to despise, are not an excuse to make other people feel bad about themselves & take that dislike/discomfort out on them.

Theres just one question that remains: Do you know that as well and if yes, are you ready to act like it?

~ Liam 🦈

Out of letter end note:

Trying to insist that people with ASPD have to adhere to the descriptions that you connect to them & telling them that they cannot ever change, is discouraging them from recovery.

Telling people with ASPD, that they cannot have emotions, is directly ignoring the DSM criteria point that recognizes aggressive outbursts, as well as ignoring the literal emotional erractic cluster it is in (aka Cluster B).

Claiming that a trauma based condition dictates your interests, what colors & animals you are allowed to like, your personality traits outside of your condition, which aesthetic you have to have on social media and what type of clothes you are allowed to wear is frankly so ridiculous, that I don't even know what to say.

You are not immune to internalized ableism & making people feel unsafe in the community. You do not personally have to like the things they do, but being shitty to them about it, just because its what you internalized is not the way to go.

First posted on my instagram (same @)

#actually aspd #aspd #mental health education #antisocial personality disorder #mental health #antisocial #aspd awareness #aspd feels #aspd thoughts #aspd things #aspd safe #aspd stigma #soft aesthetic #being soft #internalized ableism #reddit #instagram #twitter #tumblr

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