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#escaping abuse
furiousgoldfish · 11 months
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abuser: spends years meticulously isolating, grooming, trapping and sabotaging victim to the point where they don't know they're abused, blame themselves, think abuse is just normal, feel no confidence about any of their skills, have no one and no way of survival if they escape, and they're aware their lives are threatened if they try
society: well why didn't the victim just leave if they didn't like it :/
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tul1pmania · 8 months
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Help me leave
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Hi everyone. I’ve never had a Tumblr before but a friend suggested this to me. I’m trying to escape an abusive, controlling marriage. I’m disabled, trans, and a wheelchair user. The house I’m in now isn’t accessible, and for the most part I’m trapped on the top floor. The space in my photo is the first taste of freedom I’ve had in years - a shelf and desk that were all mine! Next step: an apartment that’s truly all mine. I’ve already done the hardest part, I signed the lease for a new apartment and paid my security deposit! But I still need help. I need to repair my wheelchair, get my cats vaccinated, buy food for the new place, transfer my internet service, rent a uhaul and buy boxes. I’m hoping to raise at least $500 more before Friday the 4th, but every little bit helps. If you got this far, thank you so much already. Truly. Saying these things out loud is still hard for me, and I appreciate your time.
The best place is my cashapp: $tul1pmania (https://cash.app/$tul1pmania)
I’ve been working towards escaping for a while, but my timeline has been sped up by my health taking a nosedive. As you can imagine, my poor health and mobility limitations have made it easier to control me and makes it harder for me to leave. The house has also been kept in a state that makes the entire thing inaccessible - things arranged so the pathways too narrow for my wheelchair or a walker even if I could get downstairs. I can’t get myself food or do my own laundry here, which means many days I go hungry or rewear the same clothes for days at a time. I have gone weeks without showering because I am not given access to a clean towel or my shower chair will be made unusable. This has all meant my health has worsened significantly when it might not have otherwise. I’m lucky to have generous and supportive friends who have been there for me throughout this journey and who are dropping everything to help me get out. 
I will post updates here as I have them! My move date is Friday August 4th. Once I move my spouse will likely decide to back out of contributing to past bills that are in my name, and I’ll be able to make an inventory of what I need to replace, so I may post more specific asks for those things at a later date.
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shrcker · 3 months
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Hey
I don't currently have a permanent home and have been looking alongside someone else in Ohio. I'm unemployed right now and not sure when I'll be able to work again and highly doubt I will ever get unemployment benefits. Because of that, I do need to ask if anyone would be willing to please tip so I can keep paying for my phone and food. It's by no means required and I really don't want to guilt trip anyone, I just need to make sure I can get through these next few months. Thank you.
If preferable I also have a kofi: https://ko-fi.com/shrcker
Edit: In class now for programming which will take a while but should at least help me get a job. Not writing anymore due to stress but could still use support considering I'm still just looking for any job. We have an apartment pinned down, the only thing stopping us from moving in is getting a job, so literally just gambling to see if I can get one at all every day. Please help if you can, I might be okay soon but I need to make sure I can feed myself till then too.
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how to leave a cult & stay out (long post)
i know this isn't my usual brand, but i felt the need to make this post given the fact that my poetry journey started as an exploration of emotions after i left the cult i was in. i know a lot of my followers initially followed me for that content, and i wanted to write this in case anyone needs it.
some background: the cult i left was a small evangelical patriarchal cult with a commune-type living situation. i am afab, with little to no family support and no college experience. i live in the US. i have no experience with anything outside this situation, and thus, my advice will not be universal. however, i've left and stayed out of my cult for nearly a year, and i wanted to share what i learned. i remember wishing i'd had a post or a book or anything to help me know what to expect, so here's what i've gathered so far!
tws: religious abuse discussion and addiction/nicotine mentions
leaving (logistics)
work
my ability to logistically and financially separate from my cult stemmed largely from the fact that i had work outside the commune & their sphere. my first attempt to leave was thwarted simply by the fact that, at that time, i worked with other 4 cult members and had no ability to seek outside employment without raising suspicion.
however, i was able to gain permission to seek external employment under the premise that i would be able to tithe more, and that i felt this was "the direction i was being led in." i am aware that this is not the case for every cult. in fact, after i left, it essentially stopped being the case for mine either. however, if at all possible, gaining external employment is key.
if you cannot seek external employment, save every single penny you can [in cash if they check your bank statements], and submit job applications a couple weeks or so before you leave. do not be afraid to quit a job that the members have some access to in order to be in a safer situation, because that mentality will keep you tied there for longer. a script for asking your manager not to penalize you for a sudden exit would look something like this (presuming the managers were not also members or leaders of the cult):
"hello X,
i am experiencing some unforeseen circumstances and leaving a dangerous [complicated, difficult, etc.] situation. my last day will be [day before you plan on leaving the cult]. i understand that this is not a full two-weeks-notice, but due to this circumstance, i am asking for understanding. please keep this confidential, as it would threaten my safety if others knew about this."
if you don't trust your management not to blab, ask for answers from other members, or even just accidentally let something slip, it is acceptable to quit the day you leave. it's better to have a rough patch on your resume than to spend the rest of your life in a cult, and in all honesty, it doesn't really matter much anyways. a gap in your resume can easily be explained away as time spent caring for a family member or staying safe in the current pandemic, and quitting under "unfavorable circumstances" still bodes significantly better than being fired. this is, of course, all worst case scenario. most managers will be understanding.
having another job lined up immediately after leaving will also prevent a great deal of problems with this. job interviews can be completed virtually from a coffee shop you know they wouldn't visit, or the house of a safe friend or family member. in the middle of this post is a list of excuses you could use to step out for a job interview, and if that's not possible: while you're PIMO [physically in, mentally out, a term for still being present in the cult but having the desire and plan to leave] you can schedule your job interviews in advance for the days/weeks after your planned date of leaving the cult.
social life
let me start with this: your friends from before are your greatest asset. they do not hate you. they will believe you. chances are higher than not that they saw the warning signs before you ever did. i can guarantee you a vast majority of them have been waiting for a phone call from you since the day you joined saying that you planned on leaving.
if your family was not abusive, toxic, manipulative, or connected in any way to your cult, they can also be an asset. however, tread carefully with this. you don't want to hop out of the fire and into the frying pan, so to speak. moving out of a commune and back into an abusive parent's house can cause more trauma in the long run.
if there is any sphere where you can connect with people that your cult does not have access to, utilize it. i found friends online, at work, and through mutual friends of people i had met before i joined the cult. even if you work with other cult members, if there are any non-members in your workplace, you can still make an effort to befriend them. if questioned by your cult, you're just trying to convert them.
being friends with someone doesn't mean you have to confess every detail of your plan to leave. you don't even have to mention your plans. friends can be a safety net even if they don't know what you're going through. choose carefully who to trust, but don't shut everyone out either.
housing
if you live with your cult, finding housing is an immediate priority.
the biggest mistake i ever made was my refusal to couch surf for fear of being kicked out or "becoming a burden."
your friends aren't nearly as troubled by you as your cult would have you believe. in fact, to this day, if a member of the cult i left were to come to my door asking for refuge, i would open my home to them without a question. your friends would rather see you on their couch or in their spare bedroom for a month than ever watch you go back to the place you left.
the first time i ever left my cult, i went back because i feared i was burdening the friend i was staying with. it wasn't until she called me sobbing that i finally realized that i wasn't the burden; my absence was the burden. taking up space is not a crime. no matter how much the cult tells you otherwise.
if you can't immediately find an apartment due to credit issues, age, income thresholds, etc, extended stay hotels are an option if you have no friends to stay with. the price ends up being equivalent to the cost of room & bills at an apartment anyways. this is a temporary option, during which you can take the following (vaguely unethical but often necessary) measures to hopefully secure a more permanent situation:
find a friend who's good at photoshop and invent some pay statements. [if possible, try to make them from scratch based off an existing pay stub of yours. landlords, especially of large apartment complex chains, recognize the common templates.]
you might have better luck getting approved [and/or getting away with forged paystubs] at a smaller apartment complex, specifically the ones you can't find on google. you may have to drive around and physically look for these complexes.
look up second-chance apartments
apply for any and all government aid you may be eligible for
work overtime or a second job to make your pay stubs appear greater. this is a temporary measure only; stressful, but worthwhile in the long run.
look on roommate-finding websites! a lot of people won't require credit checks, formalities, etc. a horrible roommate is still generally less of a pain in the ass than, oh, i don't know, 12 horrible roommates who are watching your every move and reporting back to the people in charge.
look for subleasing situations on websites like Craigslist as a last resort. take precautions, don't meet anyone alone, etc.
https://www.apartments.com/ ^here's the website i used to find my apartment before i left. it has a lot of good filters. delete your browsing history afterwards.
if you don't live with your cult, the moment you separate, you should file and enforce a restraining order if you feel even the slightest bit comfortable doing so and consider changing apartments within your unit, moving houses if feasible, etc. invest in an alarm system, a vicious-looking animal, a deadbolt, all the security measures you would take if you were being stalked. which brings us to our next point.
privacy
if they're monitoring your bank accounts, open another one in secret if possible or keep as much money as you can on a Pay-pal card, Visa card, etc. funnel as much money as you can into these accounts without arousing suspicion. the moment you leave, immediately cancel any account they may have access to and withdraw all money from it.
keep any incriminating items in your bra and/or undergarments. at all times. this includes vital documents [social security card, birth certificate, etc.], cash that you're hoarding without their knowledge [gross but necessary, keep it in a ziploc and sanitize it with a lysol wipe], etc.
have all mail that would reveal your escape plans sent to non-member friends or a P.O. box.
the day you leave, inform HR at work that your presence in the building should not be disclosed to anyone. change shifts if you can, park your vehicle elsewhere and uber from close parking lots to your building, or take steps to make your vehicle unrecognizable (remove telltale stickers, add new stickers with topics you have no interest in, add new rearview mirror hangy thingies, even remove seat or steering wheel covers if you have to. they might remember your license plate, but at very least your car wouldn't be initially recognizable.
if they have access to your location, do not turn this off until the moment you leave. when you do, do so quickly and on every possible platform. this should coincide with password changes for any account that can be used to trace you (email, Google location history, maps, apple/icloud, Find my IPhone, Life360, Airtags, bank accounts [use cash until the account is cancelled if they know about it], vehicle GPS)
if you have an IPhone, you will automatically be alerted if an unfamiliar Airtag is following your location. If you have an Android device, download "Airguard" or a similar app which will serve the same purpose. at very least, this will give you peace of mind.
a burner phone is an absolute necessity. you can find them at walmart and the combined cost of the phone and prepaid card is usually less than $100 [USD].
clear your browser history. change contact names of all non-member contacts to the name of someone you're in the cult with and delete the texts. people hardly ever check phone numbers if the contact name isn't suspicious to begin with. add parentheses beside contact names with [deceptive] information about who they are.
example: i had a non-member friend saved as "Karen (Boss at Amazon)" in my phone. that way if i got a call, i could play it off as a work call and step away.
packing/preparing to leave
lie and tell them you're organizing things. this is a GREAT excuse to have everything you own in pre-packed storage bins. under the bed is a good location to keep things. the less you act like you're trying to hide what you're doing, the better.
keep clothes on hangers for easy access. when you're packing to leave [presuming you can do so in secret], just grab them off the hangers and shove them into trash bags. don't worry about neat. just find a place to put shit and haul ass.
it's okay to steal shit but don't steal anything valuable at all or anything terribly noticeable. the last thing you want is them having evidence for legal recourse against you.
if there's food, take food. i lived off a tupperware full of chicken salad i stole from the cult for a solid 4 days. bring medicine with you regardless of whether or not you "have a good immune system". even if you don't think you'll need it, you'll need it, i promise.
it's better to leave everything and get out with your freedom than take all you own and get caught. that being said, if you have a feasible way of taking everything, do that. the last thing you want is to be so financially fucked that you feel like your only hope is to go back to them. [it is NOT.]
if you need to relay information to a non-member contact in a safe and private manner while with people, have them call you and pretend to be a business. for example, i had my secret debit card mailed to a friend, and i had her call me pretending to be the bank and read me off the number so i could put it in my apple pay. this could also work as far as pretending to talk to your boss or coworker [i.e. "Yes, I can take that shift starting at 10am" = "Yes, I will meet you at X location at 10am", etc.]
playing it off/excuses to be gone for apartment hunting or other leaving-related matters
doctors' appointments
[a minor medical issue or procedure can be a really good way to get out repeatedly if your cult allows access to medical care. i only know this because i had a real, diagnosed ovarian cyst but i proceeded to make up several appointments for it that were actually apartment complex visits, so.]
illness
[make this season-appropriate and believable. flu in winter and spring and late fall only. don't do COVID unless you can realistically forge a rapid test and trust that they won't make you prove it with a PCR. i don't advocate lying in any other circumstance, but once again, this is not an ethics class. cults play dirty, so can we.
promotion at work/added responsibility
[only works for so long before they try to make you quit the job, but it can make a good excuse in the interim]
car troubles
[visits "to the mechanic"=time out of the house. "car overheated/flat tire/locked out of my car/lost my keys"=good excuse for being late to events/being gone longer than expected]
ill family member
can give you two or three days to "be out of town" if needed, and/or time to go "see them in the hospital" or "care for them" over the course of a few weeks, especially for a chronic issue or an injury that would render them unable to walk and thus in need of consistent care.
[no, this will not bring a curse on your family or "manifest itself," that's magical thinking. if you argue about this in my notes on a post meant for cult escapees who are already struggling with religious trauma i'm reporting you <3]
leaving
pretending to be "late" to a church service is a good tactic if the services aren't held in the same area as where you're living. i told them i was running late from work and in reality i was at the commune house away from the service throwing all my shit in my car.
the second time, they had already caught onto that trick and started driving me to services directly so i wouldn't have a chance to leave. if this is the case for you, 3am is generally a great time to leave. usually night owls go to bed around 2am and early risers get up around 6am, so 3am leaves you with 3 hours to gtfo and an hour of buffer in case anyone stayed up late.
i was living in a room with four other women, so i had to be very, very skilled as far as not waking anyone goes. think critically about your roommates' sleep habits if this is the case for you in your cult. i made sure to walk closer to the bed of the heavy sleeper.
walk barefoot if taking the "middle of the night escape" approach. even if it's cold. if there's snow, you may have to keep your shoes by the front door/window you're escaping from if you're having to make several trips back and forth. wear non-slip socks if you must wear socks. if the socks get wet, take them off. a great way to attract attention is by leaving footprints everywhere, or by busting your ass and getting caught because a lamp broke.
a great excuse for being up late to leave is that you're feeling sick to your stomach and need to be close to the bathroom. fake a v*miting episode if you have to.
don't leave letters. don't send goodbye texts. leave some stuff behind if you can, especially blankets and the like to make it look less empty in your living space. my cult didn't even realize i was gone until 12 hours after i left because they thought i'd just gone to work. that's 12 hours of time where i wasn't being looked for, which made me a whole lot harder to find.
block EVERYONE. as soon as you possibly can. once you're out of the direct cult location, pull off into a safe place where you won't be immediately found and block anyone who is directly there or who could be persuaded into attempting to contact you on their behalf.
after leaving
try not to be alone, if you can help it. now's not the time for self-work. if you know loneliness might trigger the desire to go back, don't get lonely. hang out with friends all the time, go to clubs [responsibly and safely], take extra shifts at work if you can. try to hang out with your coworkers, i think like 80% of my friends back then were people i worked with. they might not be the best friends you ever had, but this isn't about making forever connections. it's about not going insane from loneliness.
online friends are also great! i had/have quite a few who helped me immensely in the months after i left. if you're the kind of person to stay up late when none of your other friends irl are awake, online friends with opposite time schedules are *chefs kiss* lovely. join discord servers for your interests if you aren't sure where to start with, but some discord servers can be toxic asf so don't be afraid to abandon a groupchat if it's too much.
don't pick up habits if you can help it. one habit turns into a million, especially when you're this vulnerable. i smoked a single cigarette as an act of rebellion and two years later my nicotine addiction can be directly traced back to me self-medicating my anxiety.
that being said. and i am toeing the line heavily between realistic and ethical here. but. if i had to choose between staying in the cult or having a nicotine addiction, i'd choose the addiction. i can break an addiction without having to change my account and routing number, soooo. yeah. take that as you will.
post-cult agoraphobia is real. don't feel guilty if it's hard to leave the house at first. grocery delivery is an option. grocery pickup is an option. uber eats is a thing that exists. you'll find your safe places & start to feel less threatened, over time.
idk if this will help anyone else, but i personally benefitted greatly from making a comprehensive list of shit they told me not to do and doing it anyways. please do not endanger yourself in this process, but. fuck it! i dyed my hair purple. i did a shitty job, but it made me happy. i kissed an embarrassing number of people. i came out as a lesbian. i adopted a cat. i wrote a book. i found myself through losing the pieces of the cult until the pieces of me filed in and took their place.
if you can help it, try to avoid the physical location or even the city the cult is located in for awhile. i understand the morbid urge to keep visiting but don't, if you can help it.
nostalgia is a BITCH and a LIAR. that cult leader was not your replacement mother, she is a bitch. the other cult members are not your brothers and sisters, they are traumatized brainwashed individuals. don't try to save them, either. if they reach out to you for help that's one thing but now's not the time to be a martyr.
most importantly: breathe. i used to physically look at a clock and talk myself through every minute on the very bad nights. just "one more minute. i can survive one more minute." it's fun to watch it grow to two minutes, then five, then an hour, and eventually you realize you're not counting your survival in increments anymore, and then one day you realize you're thriving. but be nice to yourself in the interim. it's been two years for me and i just now don't feel like i'm drowning anymore.
please reach out if you need more advice/someone to talk to. you don't have to do this alone. i believe in you and you're gonna get out and stay out.
you will survive this. i promise.
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survivor-of-caine · 1 month
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Crying for the first time EVER about what was done to you while someone safe, the first person to ever listen, holds you, and lets you sob and wail is definitely insanely cathartic.
When it happened, it wasn't safe to cry. Afterwards, I was never able to. I couldn't and I wanted to prove that I was strong.
But now I finally was able to... feel.
-Luka
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silversylveon1 · 3 months
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Escaping
This may seem familiar to some of you, but I'm doing it again because it failed last time. I am starting a GoFundMe to escape an abusive parental household. I have been pushed to the brink of suicide because of what I've had to face. If you are unable to help financially, then getting the word out is more than enough. Thank you for your time. https://gofund.me/de5cc2c1
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neuroticboyfriend · 1 year
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one day i will be a happy flamboyant gay man with nothing but joy and love and righteousness in his heart. i will go to bed at night with my lover and our kitty cat. i will only ever hear my name when i am called. i will only see me when i look in the mirror. i will look around my home and it will reflect me, no matter how much or little i have. i will be safe and sound, as much as i can be in this cruel society.
i will find a way out. i will never have to live with my father again. i will find my peace. i will not die a ghost.
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risingphoenix87 · 8 months
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(tw abuse) What should one do if they need to escape their abusive household but they don't have enough life knowledge to know how to do basic things like taxes or getting a job...oh and a fundraiser also isn't an option.
That's a good question.
General stuff:
YouTube video by my friend Shiloh/Patchwork Heart (he included links to teens rights orgs and legal information in the description)
Reddit list of important documents to gather when leaving home
NCADV: Making a personalized safety plan
NCADV: Tips for accessing resources (including legal and financial)
The Hotline
Reddit post with information about Job Corps, which helps young (16-24 years old) low-income Americans train for jobs and even pay for college
ASAN Guide for Getting and Advocating for Community-Based Housing (PDF, for disabled and neurodivergent people)
ASAN: Autism and Safety Toolkit (Another guide for making a personalized safety plan and escaping abuse)
If you live in the US, I'd also check out your state's, county's, and/or city's social services. If you're disabled or otherwise vulnerable, you can also look into your state's or county's Adult Protective Services for help (yes, it's a real thing; here's the one in my state).
And if the person is unable to set up a fundraiser for themselves, they have the option of asking a friend or someone else they trust to set one up for them, and not give out their real name for their protection,
Sorry this took a while to come out, and I hope you're safe!
(EDIT) As far as doing basic life stuff:
For first-time tax filers, the IRS has a Free File option.
How to get your first part-time job (not a permanent solution, but at least it's an income and an option for people new to job-hunting.
(I'd especially look into retail jobs now; they're going to start hiring people for the holiday season in late August-September)
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ashersskye · 2 months
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The abuse you endured as a child was absolutely under no circumstance, needed, necessary, or your fault at all. You were just a kid trying to be a kid. You were just trying to give them the love and wonder that only a kid could give. They are the ones who looked at you & your genuine heart and decided to rip you into pieces. That was not fair. It was incredibly cruel. You do not deserve to suffer or be judged for how you cope with this. May we all find rest and resolution for the heartaches of betrayal, of finding out that the ones who were supposed to love, care, shelter and protect us from this world, instead became the very monsters we are in need of protection from.
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izthedemonwolf · 17 days
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Please take a moment and read this...
Hello anyone who happens to stumble across this post,
My name is Izzy and recently my friend, Maria and I have been doing our best to assist our friend, Jane (fake name for privacy reasons). Jane is currently trapped in an incredibly abusive household. Her parents are incredibly controlling (they hold complete financial control over here) and are verbally and physically abusive.
We've set up a gofundme page to hopefully raise money to help her get out of her situation and become less financially reliant on her parents. Any donations are appreciated but please do not feel obligated to donate. I just want to get her story out there and get her some help. Please, share this if you are able to. Any help is appreciated.
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furiousgoldfish · 6 months
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I've been trying to find a common thread on 'victims of abuse easily being victimized again', because it is a trend, and it happens so often. A person who is abused as a child, or just abused long-term, will commonly find themselves in another abusive situation, in an abusive friendship or a relationship or marriage, or it can be workplace abuse, a cult, exploitation, power imbalance, trafficking.
The main view of this was that the victims of abuse are so well adjusted to abusive and exploitative environment, that they feel more at home in an abusive situation, than a normal, healthy one, and that they will unknowingly choose an abusive partner, spouse, boss or friend, because it feels normal, they know what to do, and how to behave in it. While there is a certain pattern of abuse victims sometimes getting attached to new toxic people, I don't consider it to be true, and for one reason: as soon as the victims realize their new situation is toxic, they cut it off. I have been introduced to hundreds, if not thousand new abusive situations, attempted grooming into cults, exploitative workplaces, toxic friendships, I've all but been swarmed by it, and I've opted out of every single one, as soon as I've realized what I'm dealing with.
I don't think a regular person will even find themselves running into this many entrances to abuse, and abuse victims often do. Do abusers know exactly who to target? Can they see the signs of abuse on us, that paint a bright red dots on our faces? I don't think they do.
I think the explanation runs deeper than that; it's the lack of protection. A person who's been abused for a long time, clearly lacks community that would protect them from the abuse. If they've been abused by their parents, they weren't able to find any protection outside that, and they've got no family who would protect them and back them up in times of vulnerability. If they've been in a long-term abusive relationship or workplace, again, it means their social circles, family, friends, colleges, all failed to protect them. Abuse is a clear sign of 'if something bad happens to this particular person, nobody will do anything about it'. And that is what the abusers are looking for. Not emotional naivety, not someone who is in clear distress and trauma, but someone who is socially isolated, unprotected, without family, close friends, any kind of protective borders or authority that would react to this person getting abused.
I've seen people with far more naivety and kindness than I have, and talked people down who were far more eager to assume good intentions for abusers. And those were never even exposed to this manner of abuse, because they had good families, strong friendship groups and people who would act immediately if something bad were to happen to this individual. They're allowed to keep their kind assumptions, willingness to help and naive nature, because they're well protected within the society; they're simply not what the abusers are aiming for.
Being unprotected is hardly something we can cause, control, or affect or on own. Building community when you have no family, close friends or a social circle, is extremely hard, especially after surviving the abuse. We instinctively know it's what would protect us, that's why we all strive for it so badly, we know we'd be safe if people around us cared passionately, and would stand up to protect us. But it doesn't happen, and right now, more and more people are vulnerable in the lieu of bad financial stability, lack of social connections, social isolation, longing for contact, feeling unworthy, rejected, abandoned. And just looking for a sustainable job, comfort, friendship, social connection or even contact and spiritual fulfillment, can land people in more abuse.
Usually those who do escape abuse do so on their own, and at that point, our own efforts are all that is protecting us from the further abuse. We have to stand strong and defend ourselves, constantly. it's exhausting, and it's not our fault if our lack of social protection paints a target on our back. Sometimes it can feel like it's hopeless, getting free from abuse only to go back to the world where we're alone, rejected, without contact and left all to ourselves again, it feels like one type of devastation is replaced with the other. But not suffering abuse is always better than anything else. Freedom of mind, heart and soul, is always better than suffering abuse.
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tul1pmania · 8 months
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Help me fix my wheelchair
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I’m so close to getting out, and now my wheelchair broke. I spoke to service techs and went through troubleshooting it with them, and it needs a whole new motor. $400 I simply do not have. If you see this or read my other post, I could really use the help. I’ve about raised enough to get my two cats to the vet and vaccinated, which will happen first because they will always be my priority. My wheelchair is my freedom to do anything outside of my house, go to the store, the doctor’s office, everywhere. I don’t know what I’ll do without it.
The best place is my cashapp: $tul1pmania (https://cash.app/$tul1pmania)
When I first started thinking about what it would like to leave, a vivid image immediately came to me.
I wanted to be able to use my wheelchair, without having to drive, to go straight from my apartment to a movie theater. That, more than anything else in the world, felt like freedom to me.
I knew it wasn’t practical to limit my apartment options to only those around a movie theater. Finding a wheelchair accessible apartment in this market would be hard enough. But that’s where I started - I pulled up Google maps, found my local movie theaters, and looked up every apartment within walking distance.
The year before I met my spouse I saw over 100 movies, 45 of which were in theaters. Movies are one of my most important forms of self care, and movie theaters are one of my most important safe spaces.
It’s the beginning of August. I’ve seen 5 movies so far this year. My spouse could never sit still through a movie, or even let me watch one by myself at home while they did something else without interrupting the movie several times. Having my attention on anything but them for that long wasn’t acceptable, so they made sure it couldn’t happen. So I just stopped.
I had actually given up on that dream when I found the place I’m moving to. Imagining going to see a movie has gotten me through a lot the last month.
But my wheelchair broke. This chair was purchased because I had a one time offer to get it at a reduced rate. I was supposed to have a fitted, prescribed chair by now and this chair would only be my backup chair. But prioritizing on me and my needs isn’t something that’s been able to happen, so I haven’t had the necessary appointments and tests done.
I don’t even know how I’ll get to the doctor until this is fixed, because I can barely walk a handful of steps at a time right now. If you got this far, thank you. If you can help, thank you. If you can’t donate, I’d love to know your favorite movie so I can add it to my list of things to watch when I’m out.
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lefluoritesys · 8 months
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Okay, if anybody needs to hear this, I think I finally figured out the difference between talking about someone behind their back and just talking about them.
Specifically the things you're talking about and the reasoning. Like, if you insult somebody because you don't like them and lie to their face that you do, that is talking about them behind your back. BUT. If you do the same thing because that person is abusive, and you just have no other choice but to lie to their face, and also all the bad stuff you say about them to another person is backed up by why you feel negative emotions towards it, THEN it becomes speaking about experiences.
You're welcome.
-host
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survivor-of-caine · 2 months
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Sometimes life is good
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silversylveon1 · 5 months
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Escaping an Abusive Household
Hey everyone. I have been dealing with an abusive household for the past few years. I am terrified for my own mental stability and personal safety if I were to stay here any longer, but I have no means to leave as of now. So, I have set up a GoFundMe. It's meant to help pay for a few months of rent in a small apartment until I can get my own source of reliable income to pay. If you can, I would greatly appreciate if you donated to this goal. However, do not donate if you can't afford it. Focus on yourself first. If you still want to help out, then you can spread the word, getting this out to as many folks as possible.
Thank you for reading.
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