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#and suddenly they had way too many gaps to fill
j3llyd0nut · 3 days
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Playground Love
ೀ older!Leon Kennedy x fem!reader
Tags: hurt/comfort, age gap (unspecified but reader is an adult), a lot of self doubt, talks about mommy and daddy issues, pet names (angel, princess, sweetheart).
W/C: 1.0k
A/N: studying? who is that? Anyways, this was supposed to be a cute ‘sitting on his lap would fix me’ but I got hit by existential crisis at 2am so angst.
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"Wow, dating an older guy? That's so sophisticated!"
“Are you sure about this? Don’t you think there’s a reason why no one his age is dating him?”
"You get to date someone older? That's not fair! All I get are immature guys my age."
"Darling, I know you're an adult now, but dating someone significantly older... it just worries me. Are you sure you're on the same page?"
I love him.
At every reaction, you find yourself repeating the same phrase in your mind. It was a simple truth that anchored you amidst the swirl of opinions and doubts. Every concern, every envy—you faced them all with the same unwavering declaration.
But do you really love him?
The question lingered like a shadow, casting doubt on the certainty you had clung to so desperately. You couldn't shake the nagging feeling that perhaps you were merely caught up in the allure of dating someone older, mistaking infatuation for love. Or was it that you longed for attention from an older guy who could fill the void your absent father left?
You craved the paternal presence you had been denied, and in him, you found echoes of the guidance and affection you had longed for. 
"Dating someone older? Isn't that a bit... strange?"
"Why? Age is just a number, right?"
"Yeah, but... do you really think you're at the same stage in life?"
Oh, how naively optimistic you were. 
Perhaps you have been too quick to dismiss your loved one’s concerns, too eager to embrace the illusion of love in the arms of someone—his arms—who offered the fleeting promise of stability and security. 
“But he makes me feel loved and safe,”
“Does he?”
Was your love truly built to withstand the test of time, or was it merely a fleeting illusion, destined to crumble beneath the weight of your differences?
“Darling, can we talk for a moment?”
“Sure, Ma. What’s on your mind?”
"Well, I couldn't help but notice... you seem quite taken with this new guy you're seeing."
"Oh, you mean Leon? Yeah, we've been spending some time together."
"He's... older, isn't he?"
"Um, yeah, he is."
"I see... darling, I just want to make sure you're being careful. Dating someone older can bring its own set of challenges."
"I know, Ma. But he's different. He understands me in a way no one else does."
"I'm sure he does, dear…but promise me you'll take things slow and really get to know him before things get too serious."
"I promise, Mama.”
You've broken many promises with your mama, but why did this one hurt? Is it because you partially blame her for shaping you the way you are? Is it because she married your father? Maybe she would have lived a happier life if it weren't for him, if only.
But you thanked her, both her and him, for the lesson learned, for the wisdom imparted, for the love that had always been there, and for helping you recognise the kind of partner to avoid. 
You stood before the polished wooden door of Leon’s home office, your hand hovering in uncertainty over the ornate doorknob. Each second felt like an eternity as you battled with the torrent of doubts and fears that raged within you. 
You needed him, wanted him to hold you, and tell you that everything would be fine.
But what if he couldn’t understand your doubts? What if your confession shattered the fragile illusion of your love?
With a steady breath, you pushed aside your apprehensions and grasped the doorknob, steeling yourself for the conversation that lay ahead.
“What’s up, sweetheart?” His voice, gruff yet soft and reassuring, always managed to send shivers down your spine, freezing you in place. You couldn’t find the words to speak, and your throat suddenly dried.
Sensing your hesitation, he beckoned you closer with a gentle smile. You could see the experiences he went through, the complexities of adulthood etched into the lines that creased his weathered face.
“Come here, angel. Sit on my lap while I work.”
You obeyed, crossing the threshold into his office, your feet padding on the wooden floor as you made your way to him. Settling onto his lap, your linen dress pooled around you, the fabric soft against your skin. His arms encircled your waist, pulling you close, his rough touch sent warmth flooding through your veins.
You inhaled his scent, a mixture of citrus and wood, with a hint of something familiar: whisky. You thought he quit. Ready to question him, you opened your mouth, but he stopped you before you could question him.
“Don’t worry your pretty head, princess. I only drank a glass, I promised. I’m just a bit stressed.” 
“Mm, okay,” you replied, pushing aside your concerns for the moment as you melted into the warmth of his embrace.
You found solace in the familiar embrace of Leon's arms, the weight of your doubts momentarily forgotten as you leaned into his chest, burying your face against him. A few of his buttons were undone, allowing the soft hairs on his chest to brush against your face. 
"Is everything alright, angel?" Leon's voice, soft and concerned, pulled you back to the present moment.
"Yeah, everything's fine. I just want to stay like this, with you," you murmured, the words slipping out before you could second-guess yourself.
His arms tightened around you, drawing you closer, as if he could sense the hesitation in your voice. "Me too, princess. Me too," his stubble pricked your forehead as he murmured against them.
Oh, how weak you were. His voice and touch alone melted you into a puddle, and all your problems seemed to vanish in his embrace. Your mama wouldn’t be happy with how you turned out; she wished that you would never let a man make you weak like she was.
Closing your eyes, you allowed yourself to sink deeper into his embrace, letting go of the weight of your doubts and worries. In this moment, all that mattered was the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against yours.
Perhaps one day, when the time was right, you would find the courage to open up to him about your inner struggles. Until then, you cherished this moment, clawing in the warmth of his love.
Pressing a tender kiss to your forehead, Leon whispered softly, "I love you, angel.”
“I love you, too, Leon, always,” you replied. The words were a vow of unwavering devotion and love…was it really?
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.       
- Oscar Wilde
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molinaskies · 7 months
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An interesting “side effect” of the canonization of the “classic era” meaning “younger era” is that the classic era now reads as “cute fun times” before the core cast became teenagers/tweens and things got super, super complicated.
Because the characters are “younger,” there’s an air of “little rascal innocence” to everything they do now. The new releases like Mania and Superstars now feel like little throwbacks to the young heroes just learning how to work together and make a difference in the world.
I don’t think this is a bad thing at all.
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jenosbigtoe · 4 months
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THE REQUEST OF THE BABY TRAPPING AND JISUNG!!!!!! I WANT TO KISS THAT ANON FOR THERE PRETTY MIND
when you said you are thinking about it with jeno and jaemin like can you write one for jeno because it had been on my mind all time🤭🤭
mdni. nsfw 18+
pairing: sugar daddy!lee jeno x reader
warnings: sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship, dubcon, filthy rich silver fox jen, daddy kink, possessiveness, unspecified age gap (~15 yrs…), babytrapping, breeding, unprotected sex, creampie
a/n: this made me want to write a longer one shot so that’s also in the making rn!! enjoy this drabble for now tho 💋
jeno would do anything for you.
you were his precious baby, whom he spoiled absolutely rotten. he gave you unlimited access to his credit cards, bought you thousands in expensive luxuries goods like designer bags and shoes, took you around the world in getaway vacations, and paraded you around on his arm as his woman. and all he asked for in return was for you to love him and be devoted to him just as he was to you.
he didn’t care if he was “too old for a young woman like you”. you were both perfectly consenting adults. if anything, you seemed to love being spoiled by an older man. you loved to run your hands through his jet black hair with strands of silver running through. you loved to kiss the fine lines starting to form around his eyes and forehead. and you loved to tell him how men your age could never treat you with the respect and care he does.
you were more than just a sugar baby to him. but your relationship was complicated. to you, he was more than a sugar daddy but less than a boyfriend. he wanted you to officially be his and had asked you many times before to be his woman. but every time, you declined. your reasoning being you were both happy in your arrangement and you didn’t want to ruin any of that.
he never liked that you weren’t officially his and he was finally going to change that. the best and only way he knew how.
“dadddyyy!!” you cried, fat tears rolling down your face and making a mess of your makeup. you hugged a pillow close to your chest and buried your sobs into it as jeno pounded his fat cock relentlessly into your poor cunt from behind. as many times as you’ve taken his cock, you could almost never get used to how long and thick he was, stretching you out and reaching places no one else had before. it seemed with every thrust, he was trying to beat down your womb.
he used one hand to press on the small of your back, arching it so his cock could reach even deeper inside your cunt as his other hand pulled your hair back to force your head up from the pillow so he could hear every cry, scream, and moan coming from your pretty lips. his hips pounded relentlessly into yours, your cunt leaking arousal around his shaft and sucking him back in with every thrust.
he leaned down to speak lowly in your ear, sending shivers down your spine. “my baby fuckin loves it rough huh? all that screaming and crying when your cunt is so messy and so tight for daddy.”
you choked out another sob and pushed your ass back on his thrusts, pleasure overwhelming all of your senses. he groaned at your movement and started rutting his hips even faster against yours.
he was filling your little cunt so much, you couldn’t even think straight. you felt your core tighten and your pussy clench harder around his pounding cock when your orgasm suddenly flooded your senses and blanked out your mind. your cunt was leaking and spasming uncontrollably while he continued to fuck you through your orgasm.
“fuck baby i’m close too,” he groaned from behind you. “m gonna cum in this pussy, fill you up full.”
before you could tell him, wait! it’s not safe! he suddenly bottomed out and shot his hot load right into your warm cunt. he filled you with every last drop of his milky hot load until it started leaking out because you were already so full.
“jeno! i can get pregnant!!” you were starting to panic but he shushed you and pulled you tight against his sweaty chest in a spooning position, never once pulling out.
you tried breaking free from his embrace but he was much too strong for you. he kept one arm locking you to his chest and he moved his other hand to rest on your lower stomach.“wouldn’t you look so pretty with our baby?”
“jen-“ he shut you up with a deep kiss pressed against your lips.
“you’re mine now.”
@jenomov had to tag my jenhoe bc it’s been a while since i’ve written for baby daddy
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keen-li · 8 days
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MA'AM
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18+
MDNI
Neighbour au. age gap au (reader is older than jk). kissing, touching, oral (female receiving), fingering, jk calls reader ''ma'am''. reader is kinda lonely, bored and untouched. p in v, no protection (be wise and condomize guys).
this is all just fiction, don't take it too seriously.
plus im stil learing to write smut, so go easy on me.
helpful and positve feedback is appreciated.
Sorry for any typos.
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‘’oh yn,’’ you hear a familiar boy-ish voice speak.
And when you turn, your eyes are met with jungkook.
You know him cause he’s your neighbour, but you rarely speak seeing that you have nothing in common but he’s always kind and sweet whenever you bump into each other.
Like right now.
‘’jungkook’’ you say surprised to see him. ‘’how are you?’’ you give him back a smile.
You haven’t seen him in a while, he must be busy with college (you assume) or maybe he’s busy with some girlfriend. Guys his age are usually swarmed with girls. Especially seeing how attractive he is. The college girls must be having fun with him.
You admire his hair that seems to have gotten longer. You can’t help but notice how good he looks with it.
‘’i’m good, hope you’re doing well..’’ he pauses in his speech ‘’haven’t heard from you in a while. I almost thought you moved out’’
You chuckle at his assumption.
You shake your head lightly as you chuckle ‘’nope. Just busy with work’’
‘’i dont think i’d ever move out honestly’’ seeing as this apartment has a fair price for rent.
He chuckles.
‘’im glad thought i scared you away’’ he says worriedly.
‘’you’d never scare me away’’ you mumble out suddenly feeling nervous.
‘’with all those noise complaints you handed to me?’’ He says with a warm joking tone.
You can’t deny that a lot of noise comes from jungkook’s apartment, that you had to report him. You kinda feel childish for doing it, he’s a college boy anyways. All they know is noise.
‘’but i do get it. I make a lot of noise’’ he uses his pointer and middle finger to rub his lower lip, you get the chance to admire his tattooed finger and pierced lip.
You feel yourself swallow the lump in your throat and bite your lip. You don’t know why you always feel like this when talking to jungkook, maybe it’s his hovering figure, intimidating voice or piercing brown eyes. Even though his eyes give off a soft innocent look you can’t help but observe the sensuality in them.
‘’um yeah’’ you don’t know what else to say. Your eyes can barely look at jungkook while his eyes can’t stop looking at you. There’s no way a college boy can make you feel this nervous. You thought you had outgrown it.
Or maybe it’s the aloneness since your last boyfriend. It’s been quite depressive but you try and not let it eat you up.
But it’s hard when you and jungkook’s walls are as thin as paper. and can hear everything that goes on. Especially when he has a girl over.
You don’t mean to listen to what happens, but what else can you do when you’re laying in bed, bored and lonely. It seems sad you end up finding your hand in-between your thighs as you hear how jungkook pleasures.
With all the groans and name moaning you have come to the conclusion that jungkook must be a great fuck. But it’s not like you’ll ever know. Do you even want to?
You can never fuck someone younger than you right? You’ve always dated older men or at least someone the same age as you. You’ve never been with a younger guy before.
But jungkook seems like he could definitely go for an older woman.
Wait.
Does jungkook want you. He does seem to give off that vibe but maybe you’re in over your head. Jungkook wouldn’t want you there are so many better options for him. So many better girls for him. Not you.
‘’so do you like those?’’ he askes pointing to the basket you have filled with ramen noodles cups.
You chuckle embarrassed.
‘’ yeah i do but, i mainly buy them cause i don’t have time to cook’’
He nods.
‘’maybe i can come cook for you one day’’ you laugh but he’s actually serious.
‘’oh, i wouldn’t mind but i assume you’re busy with school’’ you swing the basket lightly and unconsciously.
‘’i can find time’’ he says a little rushed out.
‘’then i wouldn’t mind’’ you smile.
‘’you going home?’’ he asks.
You nod.
‘’i guess i can give you a ride home, if that’s alright with you’’
You wouldn’t mind at all.
-
The ride back home was quiet. It still baffles you to how jungkook has a car.
When you were in college you could barely find money to buy food, let alone a car.
And even with a job you can barely find money to buy or rent a car.
‘’thanks for the ride, it was nice meeting you today jungkook’’
The way you smile and say his name makes a hot flash rush through him.
If only you knew how many times his thought of you calling out his name. Sometimes he wishes it was you in his bed, toes curling and back arching.
If he got the chance, he’d show you how you deserve everything.
You don’t deserve to get yourself off and barely get off.
Did he ever say that the walls are so thin that he can hear you too.
He’s heard your frustrated moans and grunts. And all the times you cursed cause of how hard it was to get your high, sometimes his heard you cry and it breaks his heart.
He wishes he could get a chance to please you. He’s never wanted to please someone so bad.
He’s never been so desperate to get on his knees and run you dry of all your juices. To feel you claw at his back as you take him so well.
But he’s also never thought of being with an older woman.
Jungkook knows you’re older than him and he doesn’t mind. Actually he makes him want you more.
He wants you like air and if he doesn’t get you now he feels like he would stop breathing.
So if he doesn’t take this opportunity now he might never have the chance to.
‘’do you wanna, come eat ramen with me?’’
-
You don’t know how it happened. But he asked you to come over to his, you didn’t see a problem with it so you said yes.
But you don’t know how you went from laughing over some movie to grinding on his lap as your lips intertwine hungrily.
Fuck. You never thought you’d be doing this with your neighbour and fuck you never thought it would feel this good.
Your hands roam his firm chest, and your thoughts are proved right, he does like the gym. Though you could’ve known that without clawing at his chest.
These younger guys are always in the gym, like their life depends on it.
Your gasps and moans mix. You don’t know how innocent sounds of laughter turned into hot whimpers of need.
Maybe it was the stares that seemed to linger for longer than they should have.
Jungkook takes a moment to take in your face but then his lips are soon on yours again as eager as ever, and you accept them.
He kisses you with eagerness and desperation. Desperation to touch and feel you in every way.
You moan into his mouth as you feel the wetness grow between your legs. You hate how a college student, has you this hot and soaking wet.
You’re busy devouring each other’s lips but you don’t fail to recognize the tent forming and touching your centre.
Jungkook’s hands rummage over your back and over your hips and to your ass, he sqeezes your ass lightly which causes you to jumb lightly.
‘’you okay’’ he asks
‘’yeah just never had anyone squeeze my ass like that’’
That boy-ish smile of his is far gone, now a manly sexy grin paints his face. A grin like a wolf looking at a lamb as it’s next meal.
‘’you’ve never had someone touch you like that’’
You shake your head. You hate how jungkook makes you feel like a highschooler losing their virginity.
‘’who have you been fucking that doesn’t want to touch this ass’’ he squeezes your ass again, and you’re embarrassed when you release a moan at that action.
‘’i don’t know’’ your words come out more whiny than you’d like.
He moves to your neck and you move it to accustom him into the space. He places some wet and gentle kisses.
‘’i’m not like them though. I wanna touch every part of you. Wanna taste every part of you and feel you on me.’’ He kisses your neck again and the smacking sound of his lips meeting your skin causes you clench. ‘’i wanna treat you right, i wanna make you feel good’’
You don’t know how true his words are or if you can even take them seriously. Maybe it’s the lust talking. He’s a young man, he wouldn’t want to waste his days with you.
‘’don’t you have other, younger girls. You wanna make feel good.’’ You just had to ask.
The chuckles he releases causes a rush of blood to your groin.
‘’all i think about when i fuck them is you’’ he kisses you again.
You don’t want to believe him but your heart can’t help but flutter. You don’t want to get hurt again but something tells you jungkook is far from hurting you. But you can’t trust that feeling, what if that feeling is just how good it feels to be on him.
He has a great way with words and it would work on you every time, cause you haven’t grown out the naivety of your youth for some reason.
Jungkook knows when and how to say the right words which makes you scared. Which makes him dangerous. All these young boys are to slick with their words.
‘’yn, don’t think’’ he whispers against your lips. He must have noticed your distance all of a sudden.
‘’don’t think of anything but this’’ he pecks your lips.
‘’i’ll try’’ you coo.
‘’i’ll make you’’
his lips are back on yours desperately. And the sound of your lips smacking and you whimpers fills the room again.
His lips go back to licking and sucking that one spot on your neck. His mouth on your neck and hands on your hips helping you grind against his clothed crotch makes you gasp for air.
You’ve never had anyone take their time with you like this, they’re usually quick to just get it in. But not jungkook, he takes his time enjoying and tasting every part of you. Why wouldn’t he when he’s been thinking about this moment and taking cold showers to stop his natural desire for you.
Being with jungkook tells you how much you’ve been missing and how much you need to learn. It’s like going back to your college days.
‘’fuck jungkook’’ you moan when he nibbles at your neck. Your hands move from his chest to his neck then to his long hair.
You unintentionally pull at his hair and you love how he groans when you do so.
The need and ache between your legs grows strong as you grind harder on his lap. Jungkook watches how you move against him trying to find your high. He promises to give it to you but he needs to feel more of you before he does so.
You gasp when he plops you on your back onto his soft couch.
‘’jungkook...’’ you call out and he stops his action to attend to your need.
‘’yes’’ he sounds so submissive as he says so.
‘’i want you’’ your hips move up to feel some friction. He chuckles at the action.
‘’i want you too’’ he smiles as he pecks you on your forehead.
‘’no. Like i want you. Actually i fucking need you’’ you whine out. You’re probably gonna be so embarrassed later but right now you need him.
Your hand reaches for his belt but his hands stop you. You feel embarrassed and confused, you know he’s hard. You can see his fully grown bulge. But why does he want to take so much time.
‘’i wanna taste you first’’ he whispers by your ear.
Fuck. You’ve never had anyone want to eat you out. It’s been a while since anyone went down on you.
‘’jungkoo-‘’ you want to protest.
‘’please yn’’ he begs. ‘’i need it’’ his lips are against yours as he says in a whisper. His lips are on yours for a second before he leaves you wanting to taste his lips more.
You watch his body move down and you can feel your wetness drip down.
‘’fuck...’’ you hear him groan and grow a little self conscious.
‘’what?’’ you lift yourself up a bit.
‘’it’s just that you’re so fucking gorgeous’’ you can’t help but blush and feel a little weird. You’ve never had anyone ogle at you pussy like that.
‘’jungkook..’’ you call out in a whine. You can feel his breath breeze over you centre and it makes the need grow stronger.
‘’i’m sorry, im staring’’ he says and before you can tell him anything his lips are on you, hungrily.
You release a sharp moan as his lips make out with yours.
He licks a long strip of you pouring juices, your taste sinking into his tastebuds.
‘’so fucking good,’’ he groans. ‘’and so fucking wet’’ you feel his finger run through your folds.
‘’jungkook please. Fuck...’’ you don’t even know what you’re pleading for but you are.
Jungkook adheres to you unspoken cries, as he dives back into kissing you and massaging your clit.
Your hand finds it’s way to his hair and pulls. The groan he releases sends electricity through you.
You’ve never felt like this, nobody has ever put this much effort into touching you.
And jungkook has never put this much effort into eating pussy, but for you he will and he is.
He adds his fingers into you as he pumps into you.
‘’fuck you need to be fucked right’’ he says at your tightness. You can barely hear what he’s saying over at how hard he’s slurping.
With the way his digits work into you and his tongue sucks on your clit, you can feel that feeling you’ve been chasing.
‘’fuck jungkook, im going to-‘’ jungkook smiles at how you can barely finish your sentence but he knows.
The feeling grows closer and your heart races in excitement.
But then all of the sudden the feeling is gone and you’re about to curse out jungkook who’s now moving up.
‘’what the fuck, i was going to-‘’ you whine angrily.
‘’i want you to come over my cock’’
You don’t argue, he’s the one in control after all.
‘’ then please fuck me’’ all you can do is plead. It’s so embarrassing pleading for him to fuck you. You wonder if girls his age are this desperate too.
‘’yes ma’am’’ he says as he takes off his shirt, for some reason him calling you ma’am makes you more aroused.
‘’don’t call me ma’am’’ you say blushing but jungkook knows, you’re bullshitting.
‘’yes ma’am’’ he says with a cheeky grin knowing that it makes you clench around nothing.
You watch him unbuckle his belt and you’ve never seen anything this attractive.
As you watch him you anticipate how his going to feel and how you’ll wrap around him. That’s all jungkook can think about too as he strokes himself slightly, though he’s been hard since he saw you in the grocery store.
You feel his tip slide through your wet folds and you can’t help but suck in a breath. Jungkook can’t help but whimper at how wet and good you feel already.
You clench desperate to feel something inside you. You wonder if it will hurt, it’s been a while for you anyways. And he looks like he could stretch you out good. But you’re too needy to worry about that.
You gasp when you feel him move into you, slow and teasingly. His tip has you wondering if you’ll be able to take all of him.
‘’fuck you’re so good for me’’ he says as he moves in deeper. ‘’i wish i could feel you everyday’’
You can.
You want to say, but don’t wanna make promises. You don’t know if this will ever happen again.
‘’do you wanna be good for me like this everyday, yn’’ he says kissing along your jaw as he settles into you.
He doesn’t move waiting for your answer.
You hum but it’s not enough for him.
‘’yes, i want you everyday’’ you end up speaking more of your mind than you planned to.
Jungkook smiles as he slowly begins to move in and out.
‘’good. You can have me everyday’’
With the ways he rocks into you, slowly increasing speed, you understand the moans of those girls you heard him fucking.
His name falls from your mouth as he continues. Jungkook has never enjoyed being buried in heat like this. And he’s never wanted to stay in forever like he does right now.
‘’jungkook..’’ with the way your nails dig into his arm and you flutter around he knows you’re close.
But so is he. Your high is his target as he continues to stroke.
Jungkook twitches inside of you as you both reach your highs.
He lays on top of you as you breath heavily. He tries to keep his weight from crushing you.
‘’next time i wanna be on top’’ you say with the energy you’ve got left.
‘’deal. Even though i like being on top, i’ll let you ride me’’ you almost feel that feeling comeback.
You stroke his hair as you watch that boy-ish smile return on his face.
It’s like he’s changed and wasn’t the person balls deep into you seconds ago.
‘’i like this’’ you say comfortable.
‘’i like you’’ Jungkook coos into your neck.
--
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sunderwight · 24 days
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Much as I love the idea of PIDW being rife with terrible porn tropes and interesting (if contrived) erotic writing conventions, all actual evidence in canon would seem to indicate that apart from some sex pollen and "uh oh, the protagonist has gone into a fugue state, whatever shall calm him down?" type stuff, it was fairly vanilla.
Like, that's part of both Shen Yuan and Airplane's frustration with it, I think. It's full of sex and it's not even sex either of them enjoy the concept of. Airplane was fully just trying to pander to an audience he felt he knew and could manipulate, but not one either he nor his ultra mega hate reader were actually part of.
Not that they understood that themselves at the time.
I mean I know fandom likes to make Airplane less closeted than Shen Yuan (for a lot of reasons), which I support, but I feel like in canon at least... he didn't cotton on to Luo Binghe's change in interests at first either. It wasn't until he was watching his protagonist obsess over resurrecting Shen Qingqiu at any cost that the light started to dawn. For Shang Qinghua, also, many more years have passed since he was back in their original world. He's had more time to reconcile himself to certain ideas.
What glimpses we get of the person he was before he died, was reborn, and lived a whole other life well into adulthood, would seem to indicate that he probably wasn't much better than Shen Yuan back when he was writing.
I mean he probably was still BETTER (the bar is on the floor), like I bet he could have a fantasy featuring Mobei Jun without having an existential crisis or pretending it didn't happen, but he would have probably been like "wow I guess I've been writing so much m/f porn that I can't even enjoy it anymore and my brain had to come up with something else, anyway Mobei would make a hot chick tho, I'm gonna write one of his cousins as Binghe's next wife" and gotten on with things.
Basically I guess what I'm driving at is that it would be funny if SQQ and SQH figured they had a solid handle on the kinds of sex pollen-y porn tropes to expect from the world (mostly just the occasional fuck-or-die that missionary can cure), only for the rug to get ripped out from under them because the system incorporated a bunch of stuff from Airplane's subconscious to fill out the gaps. Not even his notes. His daydreams and fantasies.
SQQ: what the hell?! PIDW didn't even have werewolves or tentacle porn monsters!
SQH, suddenly reminded of some very specific fap sessions: right?! this is definitely weird and in no way my fault! it must be because of the genre switch!
SQQ: *suspicious*
SQH: which is your fault! you made the protagonist gay! in fact it's probably your fault that I'm gay too now!
SQQ: bullshit. what did you do. was this in a draft?!
SQH: *sweating* I can say with absolute confidence that it was not! I never wrote anything like this!
SQQ: *having a crisis now because maybe he DID accidentally cause the monsterfucker stuff and he desperately doesn't want anyone to realize that he's actually into it*
SQH: *continuing to sweat because the world is consistently manifesting content from his personal spank bank and if cucumber ever figures that out he's a dead man*
427 notes · View notes
astaroth1357 · 11 months
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A Brutally Honest Description of How Each Brother SHOULD Text Each Other
Lucifer
That bitch who corrects your grammar and typos.
"Is it 'who' or 'whom,' MC? You can do better."
Always formal, full sentences, good punctuation, with little typos.
Only changes when he's solo texting Diavolo where suddenly they're sending each other text spam and multiple emojis like gossiping schoolgirls.
Mammon
I swear, his texts should be basically unreadable. Not because he can't write, but because he never reads over for mistakes before hitting send.
Typos, misspellings, missing words, the whole works. Sending messages through only emojis would arguably be more coherent.
Very big fan of voice chat because his brothers make fun of his illegible texts.
Only person who can reliably decipher whatever he says and never gets on his case about it is, surprisely, Lucifer. But he's had to read it for so many years that he barely even notices the flaws anymore. His mind fills in the gaps.
Levi
VERY BIG FAN OF ALL CAPS but to express excitement.
Could write you a novel but will send you an internet link to what he's talking about instead.
Sends random sentence fragments when too excited because his thumbs get away from him and he'll accidently hit "Send" twelve times in a row.
Texts exactly how he speaks. Included his many Levia-isms which are just keyboard smashes or random ass onomatopoeia like "bluforgal"
Satan
ANOTHER BIG FAN OF ALL CAPS because to express ANGER.
Can write you a novel. Will write you a novel. And will squeeze it all into one or two texts max.
Run-on sentences galore. Man has never met a comma he doesn't immediately take in like a starving Victorian orphan.
Likes taking aesthetic pictures of his books, coffee, rain, and cats. Mostly cats. You would think he has to immediately report each one he sees to MC like an endangered species.
Asmo
The living god of emojis. He has ones downloaded that you've never even imagined before. Incredibly hyper-specific ones like "man bent over stop sign puking on ground."
The kind of person who will ALWAYS answer the questions "How are you" or "Where are you" with an immediate selfie. Even in the tub.
Comes up with brilliant hot-takes while drunk and spams them at you at 3 in the morning.
While send selfies and aesthetic pics to you first for approval before posting them to Devilgram. He expects detailed critique on image quality, filter usage, pose, composition, lighting-
Beel
I feel like Beel just matches whatever energy you give him, sometimes for no reason.
If you text him: WHAT IS THE GROCERY LIST THIS WEEK? You'll get back:
EGGS.
CHEESE.
TOMATO.
The only big difference is Belphie because those two can send each other messages that are just "Uh-huh." "No." "No way!" for an hour and come away with a complete conversation.
Belphie
Abbreviation king. If he can skip out on writing out the whole word, he'll do it by any means necessary.
Sometimes he doesn't even bother finishing people's names and uses initials like he speaks in code.
"M wnt 2 🛒 store"
"Wtch out, Lu is 😡"
Falls asleep texting often so messages can be perfectly fine one minute, then turn into a garble of letters the next.
Voice chats his dreams to MC like an audio-diary. Since he naps often, they may get 5 to 10 of these rambily messes sent to them a day.
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causewayguy · 1 year
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Pics courtesy of a fellow follower
************************
You folks know how Chinese parents like to have sons instead of daughters? They will always go 'Son good', 'Son carries our family name', 'Son is better'. But there is always one very special reason most fathers want a son for, and for me, her name is Charlotte.
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Charlotte is my son’s latest girlfriend. They have been together for close to 1 year now and Charlotte has recently begun to stay over. Since my wife passed many years back, having another woman in the house was super exciting - FBTs, tank-tops, thin shirts, pokies, nip slips, etc. And all these from a hot piece of ass! Charlotte was becoming my main masturbation material.
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One Saturday, I was home alone while my son and Charlotte went on their date. While scrolling through Insta, I came across Charlotte’s IG story; a selfie in my son’s bedroom and a side profile picture, with her jeans showing off her juicy ass. Suddenly, an evil thought came over me and I quickly went into their room, searching for something….viola! Charlotte’s lace panties. I started jerking off with her panties while eye-fucking her IG pictures. Before long, I cum all over her white panties. An eviller idea came to mind. I folded and placed her panties on the top of the pile, hoping my fantasy would come true tomorrow.
The next morning, I woke up at the first ring of my alarm and quickly went to the living room, as Charlotte always cooks breakfast for us. There she was. She smiled and greeted me then continued cooking her scrambled eggs. Not sure which Buddha answered my prayers as a piece of egg fell on the floor and Charlotte bends down to clean it up. My eyes widen in happiness, Charlotte was wearing the panties from last night, filled with my cum! I dashed back to my room to take care of the hardening boner, and came 3 times in just 15 minutes, thinking of what had happened and what can I do further in future.
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Few weeks later, the 3 of us went on a family trip. I have been busy with work and had no time to masturbate so my balls are completely full. And Charlotte being on this trip certainly helped. At the pier we visited, I imagined the wind blowing her hair back as she sucks me off in her tight tank-top and jeans. I imagined fucking her against the wall of the art museum we visited, as though she was one of art pieces for everyone to enjoy. And finally, I imagined titty fucking her fantastic C-cuppers exposed through the gap of her black top and spray my cum all over Charlotte’s face as my son was in the shower. If the trip lasted longer than a week, I would have suffered dehydration from masturbating too much to Charlotte.
However, the best was yet to come. My son can never handle his alcohol well, so usually takes an Uber whenever he and Charlotte go drinking. One night, Charlotte ringed me well past midnight. It turned out my son was so wasted that no Uber was willing to take them home. I was fuming as I had to drive all the way down to Clarke Quay to pick them up. However, my heart melted as I saw Charlotte standing there, looking all defeated as my drunk son leaned his entire weight on her.
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On our way home, Charlotte apologized over and over again to me but I just smiled at her, brushing it off. What I was actually doing was stealing glances at her deep cleavage from her wraparound white top. In her tipsy state, Charlotte began complaining about work, about friends, about my son drinking too much, about how he was not satisfying her enough. The more she complained, the more body movement she made and well, the more her boobs jiggle.
Hornnnnnnn! I was so mesmerized by her boobs that I did not notice a red light and the oncoming traffic horned. On instinct, I struck out an arm while hitting the brakes, trying to protect Charlotte from falling forward. But this meant that her front body fell onto my outstretched arm.
‘Uncle are you oka- Ahhhh…’ Charlotte moaned as she finally felt my hand on her boobs. I was high on adrenaline from the near miss, so when my hand was on the boobs of my masturbation fantasy, I just squeezed. When I realized what I have done, my cock also started to rise in my shorts. I tried to pull my hand away but Charlotte kept my hand there while she stuck her other hand between her legs. Her face was filled with CFM expression. ‘Please Uncle…don’t stop now…’
Without thinking, I sped home with one hand on the wheel and the other hand ‘servicing’ Charlotte. Alternating between both boobs, I managed to peel off Charlotte’s nipple stickers and started tuning her rock hard nipples. My car was filled with erotic female moans as well as the squishing sounds of something wet. My rock-hard boner was now like another gearstick that Charlotte groped at. I felt her pumping my cock to the rhythm of the squishing sounds between her legs, adding my moans to the already erotic surround sound in the car.
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Within minutes, my car was safely parked in my garage, with me fucking Charlotte over the bonnet, pulling her golden long hair.
I could feel every inch of Charlotte’s pussy as I thrusted my cock into her. I could see her boobs bouncing out of that white top of hers. I quickly grabbed them and started to pump into her faster and harder. Charlotte’s face was filled with lust and her tongue hanging out, drooling and moaning.
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I started becoming the devil again.
Me: ‘Who is bigger??’
Charlotte: ‘Uncle bigger~!’
Me: ‘Who is better??’
Charlotte: ‘Uncle better~!’
Me: ‘Who are you??’
Charlotte: ‘I am your slut, Uncle… Don’t stop!!!’
I could feel her pussy clamping on my cock as she cum but I couldn’t stop. Not yet. With my cock still inside her, I walked (dragged) her over to the back door and opened it. Still weak from her big orgasm, Charlotte leaned forward above my drunk son with her hair flowing down to my son's face. Now, I continued to fuck her harder, right above my son!
Me: ‘Who is the guy in front of you, you slut?’
Charlotte: ‘M….my boyfriend…’
Upon hearing her answer, I pulled out immediately, leaving my cock head barely touching her pussy.
Me: ‘Again, who is he??’
Charlotte: ‘Nnooo, he’s nobody! Don’t stop plea-uuuhhhhhhh’
Charlotte whimpered loudly as I thrusted my full length into her without warning. Watching her moaned right at her boyfriend’s face while his father’s cock penetrating her from the back was too much for me. I emptied my weeks’ worth of cum into her pussy raw, triggering Charlotte’s second big orgasm. Charlotte was so fucked that she fell onto my son, panting and shaking.
We rested for a bit (and me taking a mental picture of this scene) and I carried Charlotte up to my bedroom where we made some more loving before finally dozing off in exhaustion.
One year later…
Buzz, buzzz
I received a photo from Charlotte with the caption:
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‘Dear, your son passed out from drinking again. 😊 Managed to get him drunk every night of our honeymoon. But now I am super horny le… Lucky I brought the bra with your cum stain with me. Sniffed it while I masturbated last night 😉. Will wear to on the flight back to SG later too. See you soon! xoxo Charlotte’
Thank you, Son, for the world’s best daughter-in-law.
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mae-gi-writes · 4 months
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everything that i'll never be | kim mingyu . seventeen
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You'll never be his first and that bothers you, that she had his heart before you ever did.
genre: angst, relationship problems, insecure! reader. Mentions of self-harm.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
She's so much better than you. In so many ways.
There's no way you can compete. You're not even competition to her. Come on, it's almost as if trying to compare a Ferrari to a stupidly tiny honda that would break down whenever it had to breach the motorway.
This is how envious you are of the girl that once had your boyfriend's heart.
And you hate yourself for it, because every argument that arises is because of that sole reason; you can't stand the thought of her having him first. You can't stand the thought that Mingyu had the opportunity, all his firsts, with a girl that was someone other than you.
Which is why the words suddenly fly out of your mouth one day without warning.
"How was she like? Your ex?"
The words sound raw and painful, even coming from your mouth. You hate it. You hate yourself the most at this particular moment. Even more so when Mingyu stops in mid-action and blinks at you like you've just told him you'd committed a first-degree murder.
It's not that it's surprising. It's just that-- more so -- it's been six years. Six years already, and you still haven't gotten over it. So there is, ultimately, a problem. With you.
Mingyu lowers the knife he's been using to chop the carrots into tiny thin slices. He suggested bringing duck to your annual family dinner this Christmas, which you thought was a good idea, until you realized the amount of preparation that came along with it.
So here you are, on a beautiful 24th December night with the snow falling like soft petals along the sky line, making sure that the duck that you've put into the oven a few minutes ago isn't roasting itself to death.
"Why are you asking now?" is Mingyu's question.
You shrug half-heartedly in an attempt to show him that it isn't that much of a big deal whether he answers your question or not. Though it is, as you keep your eyes trailed on the timer on your phone, "I had a nightmare," you admit.
"About?" his eyebrow raises a fraction, body stilling to await your answer.
You struggle to find something coherent, put together, that doesn't sound so lame once you say it out loud because god forbid it is the most childish thing to think of when it's been six years of your relationship.
And yet, she's still the gap, that empty space, that lingers between the two of you like the unsaid corpse filling the room.
"About you," you pause, "and her."
Mingyu lets out a soft breath, "Y/N, we can't be having this conversation six years down the line. I love you, and I'm with you--"
"I know that." he doesn't have to talk to you like you're a child.
"Then why are you still on about her when clearly you're the one I've chosen to be with for the rest of my life?" the hurt in his voice is real and it makes your heart ache with guilt. You shouldn't have asked him anything in the first place. You know, more than anyone, that Mingyu would steal the moon for you had you asked for it. It's undoubtable, the love that he bears for you, the way his eyes find yours across the room like you're the sun that makes his earth rotate.
He continues now, pent-up frustration laced in his alto. Almost like he's about to cry, "it hurts me too, to hear you talk about her over and over again. It gets tiring after a while, Y/N. I'm tired of it, honestly."
"Alright," tears prick at your eyelids but you refuse to blink, gaze permanently latched onto the oven as you fight against the flood of emotion building in the pit of your stomach, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you anything, but--"
"it's not doing you any good either. So why do you do this to yourself? What triggered it?" he's on a roll now, not caring what you have scrambled for an answer, the need to hear your reason a priority in comparison to the millions of excuses you have stacked up against your tongue, "because this isn't about just the nightmare, is it? You've mentioned her at least once during these two weeks and I--I'm tired of it, Y/N. I don't want to keep going through that. She's a part of my past and yes, we were in love once. But I don't love her anymore. You're the one I chose to be with," he holds up the peeler and the carrot in evidence, "isn't that exactly what I'm doing right now? Why do you have to ruin this for us?"
"I--" his speech hits you like a truck. You hadn't expected Mingyu to just spit out his feelings without filter or remorse, which makes it even worse as you try to struggle and comprehend what his words mean exactly. The ache in your chest grows. For a moment, you can't breath, the soft pants stinging the back of your throat as it burns with effort of restraining tears.
You swallow thickly, harsh gulps of air that makes you shudder. Finally, you manage to whisper out a soft, "I'm sorry, Mingyu. I shouldn't-- I shouldn't have bought this up. You're right. I'm just--I'm just a walking time bomb and I'm pathetic--" you shake your head, the tears now spilling down your cheeks as you bite down onto your lower lip. You catch sight of Mingyu's stance faltering ever so slightly, but you move back, as if the physical distance might help you keep your broken heart in check, '--I'm really sorry, Mingyu."
You don't wait for him to answer before you're swiveling on your feet and dashing through the open doorway of your bathroom. It's not much, but it's enough physical space for you to lock the door and slide down onto the floor.
You let the sobs take over, your shoulders hunching over your knees as you start crying. Once you do, you can't stop. You can't.
Because the truth is, you're scared.
You're scared that you'll never be enough for Mingyu and that -- whatever happened in the ktichen -- is the exact proof of that. You're not her. She's --gentle and kind and just agrees to everything that Mingyu ays without putting up a fight. And they made a cute couple, and she's prettier. Prettier than you'll ever be and you wonder what Mingyu even saw in you in the first place.
And she's his first. Will always be his first. Something that you'll never be, no matter how hard you try.
You're so focused on feeling your body shatter with tears and pain and guilt from the past that you don't hear Mingyu's voice until he starts knocking against the door.
"Please," he murmurs, "can we just talk?"
"I'm fine," you blubber out, "please just leave me alone. I really don't want to talk about this right now."
"Y/N, I didn't mean to hurt you, what I meant was--"
"I know already, Mingyu. Just stop." you sniffle and wipe your snot with the back of your hand, "I got it. It's me. I'm the problem. I'll always be the problem."
"That's not what I said, don't put words in my mouth--"
"Just leave me alone." And as if that might help, you whisper, "please." So he does. you hear his footsteps retract after a few beats of agonizing silence, and when he does walk away, you slump back into a small puddle of broken pieces of your heart as you try to hold it all together.
But it's not a memory that you can erase with just a few beers or some good sleep. It's a stain that will last forever, and you're not quite sure how you'll deal with that.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
"Hey Y/N?"
Your head rises from the slump of your arms. You're not quite sure how long you've been in the bathroom.
Mingyu knocks. You let out a sigh, but don't say anything. Nothing feels right at the moment, no words can seem to fill the empty, now awkward space between you and Mingyu.
"Y/N, I can leave you alone if you want," he pauses, "but...do you mind if I use the bathroom? I kinda...need to pee."
Fuck. Of course. Just when you're about to lose your mind and go on an existential crisis.
You unlock the bathroom after a beat of silence, not even bothering to look up at his face as you sidestep your boyfriend and make your way to the couch. You plop down onto it, hearing the sound of the door shut close as you find your usual navy blanket. It's warm and comforting, wrapping you up in its warmth as the toilet flushes, Mingyu's coughs reaching the living room area. The scent of roasted duck fills the room and you sniff appreciatively. Despite it all, it seems that the food has survived, a proof that no matter how much humans may suffer, they could still go about and do their things right.
"Y/N."
You jump slightly, turning your head in his direction but allowing your eyes to stray along his shirt. The silence answers in your stead.
"How are you feeling?"
You shrug once more. How are you even supposed to feel?
It's a weird contortion of things that make you want to hurl the living room chair at the tv and one that makes you want to curl up in bed and cry and cry and cry.
The couch dips under Mingyu's weight once he joins you on the couch. Still, you don't look at him, rather deciding that picking on your nails is a better option.
"Y/N," he says once more, before his big hand is reaching for yours and stopping your actions with a gentle grip, "don't do that. You're going to hurt yourself."
"That's the whole point," you mutter to yourself, though it's not quiet enough that he doesn't pick on it.
He squeezes your hand in response, "we talked about this before, didn't we? The nervous hand-picking."
"Can you just--" your voice raises, as if in a holler, only to die mid-way up your throat. You slump against the couch. You're tired and overwhelmed, and it shows.
The silence seems to stretch out before you, with only the slow hum of the fridge keeping you company as you keep on staring at the blank tv screen. How have you come to this? How are you fighting about someone that isn't even in the picture anymore?
Ah yes, because you decided to re-open that door and let yourself wonder, picture, your boyfriend with the likes of her when you know it's only going to induce more pain.
“I’m not going to tell you what to do, or how to feel,” Mingyu starts, his voice shattering the silence like glass. “But just so that you know, every time you talk about this — about her — it hurts me too, because she’s not my present and I’m not in love with her, not anymore. You talking about it makes me uncomfortable,” he peers over at your face, “do you understand that, Y/N?” He says it gently, all his words without bite.
“Then maybe if you had just talked it through with me without avoiding my questions all the time, maybe we wouldn’t be here,” you shoot back, “maybe you like to take the easy way out a little too much.”
“I did give you the chance to talk about it. Remember that night when I told you to ask me anything about her that you wanted to know about?”
Another onset of tears builds at the back of your throat. Why is he doing this to you? What have you ever done to deserve this?
You turn away from him almost instinctively. This time, Mingyu lets you do your thing, not even bothering to try and call your name and honestly, you don’t mind. You need some space to cry it out and be with yourself for a little while.
There’s so much you want to tell him: why did he even break up with her in the first place? Why did he choose you instead? Would things have been different if you hadn’t told him of your feelings?
Would you have been happier right now, if you’d never been together?
ʚ♡ɞ˚
It’s been a few days and you feel like a corpse.
Your life is a walking nightmare, your mind plagued by nothing but the pain of realizing you’re a second option to your boyfriend. You wish that he could walk in your shoes, only to get a glimpse of what’s going on inside your head. In any case, life feels dull and void of colour in contrast to the lights blazing across the streets to celebrate the new year’s coming up.
Mingyu doesn’t offer to talk it through and you take it as his way of telling you he’s not interested in your bullshit. So wrapping yourself up in your thickest blanket, you barely leave the flat on the days to come, if only for groceries. After all, you don’t see the point when your world is crumbling.
It’s on a Wednesday afternoon that Mingyu sends you a text while he’s at work. You receive it in mid-workout, frowning slightly as the message pops up on the screen.
Mingyu: do you have time this afternoon? Can we talk?
You type back your reply with a mere “yes” before resuming your squats with even more conviction. You decide that you have to brace yourself for anything that might happen, considering that you really did fuck up this time.
Will your heart be able to take it if he tells you to break it off?
All thoughts and memories of what would be your wedding, the concepts you’d conjured, the white dress that you’d fantasized over. All those things seem awash with the pain of knowing that maybe this won’t become a reality.
That hurts.
The afternoon crawls by at a snail’s pace and you spend it lumbering back and forth across the hallway as your brain tricks you into concocting all possible scenarios that might unfold; you and Mingyu breaking up is at the forefront of your mind, no matter how much you try to steer yourself away from it.
The door creaks open to signal Mingyu’s arrival. You freeze, fingers finding purchase onto your shirt as you grip its corners, panic suddenly overwhelming your senses.
He’s here, and he hasn’t greeted you yet.
You’re not sure how your heart will take it.
“Y/N?”
The scuff of his boots squeak against the silence of the corridor as he pulls them off. Small a small gesture, which holds so much meaning once you realize you might never hear it again.
You force out a reply, “yes?”
A few moments later, your boyfriend appears looking disheveled and, to your surprise, holding a bouquet of roses.
“Sorry if they’re a bit wimpy,” he says sheepishly while handing the flowers over, and you hope he hasn’t taken note of how your hands are trembling, “I was late to pick them up from the florist’s.”
Tears burned at the corners of your eyes. You looked up at him, eyelashes glimmering as your vision slowly blurred, “why?” You murmured.
“Because,” he shrugs then, a small gentle smile making its way to his face, “I know you’ve been going through a rough patch, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be taken care of.”
You couldn’t help it.
You burst into tears.
And Mingyu holds on to you as you sob and soband keep on sobbing. All the pain, the fear of losing him, the thought of never being enough… all of these mesh into you and cras through your body in waves that rocks your entire ecosystem. Mingyu is there through it all, murmuring soft encouraging words as he rocks you back and forth against his chest.
The crying stops at some point, leaving you numb and tired, a slumped figure that leans against your boyfriend while he’s gently pawing away at the caked tears along your cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” you murmur out, breaths shaking from emotion.
But Mingyu shakes his head, “it’s okay.”
“It’s not—okay, and I shouldn’t have acted this way,” you whisper out, “and I’m sorry if I keep pestering you about her but the truth is, I’m scared I might never be enough for you, Mingyu, because I’m not. You—You deserve everything.”
Mingyu stays silent, still brushing the tears away as you wait for his answer. He finally turns you to him, holds you close in his lap so that there’s no chance of escape even if you wanted to.
In his dark eyes tou see your reflection; a disheveled maniac looking like she’s been haunted for days.
Mingyu probably thinks so too.
“I understand,” he starts off softly, “how hard it is for you to imagine me with other people, it sucks. And it’s not great, especially when you know these people.”
Your chest aches, another pang of hurt ringing through your heart at the mention of her. You suck in a breath, but he continues:
“But I think otherwise. I think she made me realize that maybe, she’s not what I want, nor what I need,” something softens in his eyes then, hands squeezing your waist, “what I need is right here, and nowhere else, Y/N. So you can cry about not being the first, but trust me, I want to make you my last.”
Another sob racks its way up your throat. You blink furiously, hands finding purchase onto your sweater sleeves to bunch it up nervously, “do you—“ you stammer out the words, “do you mean that?”
Mingyu nods, the softest of smiles on his face, as your hands come up to wrap around his neck.
“You’re sure sure?” You peer up at him.
He chuckles, “I’m hundred percent sure.”
And proceeds to kiss your next words away as if to seal the deal, to show you that yes, you are the woman he’s been waiting for, the only one he’ll ever have to wait for.
Maybe that’s just a baby step in your world. You will have more days like this, more days of insecurity and fear and straight up panic. That’s not something that you fix overnight.
But for Mingyu, you’ll try anything to make your happy ending.
279 notes · View notes
Note
I discovered your blog a little bit ago (back when your requests were off) and got super excited when I saw that you wanted a Sam Winchester request!
So I was wondering if you could write a fic where the reader is insecure about her stretch marks, but Sam reassures her and shows her that he has stretch marks too from growing so quickly and much when he was a kid going from tiny to giant in like a snap. Reader is obsessed with them now that she’s seen them (and wants to lick them ;)) snd there’s so much appreciation on both sides. Thank you so much!
Love your writing!
.⋆。Natural Matching Tattoos。⋆.
Sam Winchester x plus size reader
You never liked your body but you love Sam and he adores every part of you so maybe you should let him show you just how incredible you are
Warnings: self deprecation, fat phobic thoughts, stretch marks, fear of rejection, fluff, implied smut, reassurance 
WC: 997
Minors DNI
Library- @hannibals-favourite-meal-library
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Hunting was apparently not a great form of exercise, you thought as you stood in front of your full length mirror dressed in nothing besides a bra that should’ve been thrown out years ago and your laundry day underwear. With a critical eye, you glared at the overhang of your stomach, the seam between your thighs where there should have been a gap but especially the shimmery skin stretched too far along your body. 
You tilted your head as you traced those lines with the tips of your fingers. How many things had you tried to get rid of them? How many years have you spent avoiding mirrors just because of this? You sighed dejectedly, your entire body sagging with the weight of your hate. You were exhausted with it, it ate away at you until there was only a speck of the love you once had for the body you inhabited. 
“Princess, have you seen my- oh.” Light from the hallway streamed into your room, casting a new light upon yourself which you immediately turned away from, and instead met the deep hazel eyes of your barely official boyfriend. Sam filled the doorway, his presence overwhelming.
“Sam.” You could barely breathe out his name with the massive weight of shame sitting on your chest. You felt his gaze burning into your skin as he took in every inch of your mostly naked body. Your vision wavered as tears began to build.
Yet he said nothing. “I-“ But no more words would come. This was what you feared most, that he would finally realise that he could do so much better than you, that you could never compare to Jess or Eileen or even Ruby. As you braced yourself for heartbreak, Sam stepped closer, lost in a trance.
Your arms curled around your stomach and you looked away, squeezing your eyes shut. Your fingers brushed the tell-tale smoothness of some of your stretch marks and suddenly you wanted to scream. Why couldn’t you just be fucking normal, you wanted to shout at yourself, why couldn’t you just lose the weight before he saw you naked for the first time. You expected to hear him insult you or say that you had a pretty face for someone so big, but then, just like he always managed to, Sam surprised you.
Far softer than you could ever imagine a man like him to be capable of, Sam cupped your forearms, prying them away from your body and leaving you vulnerable to him. You whimpered under your breath. There was a moment of quiet where all you could hear was his heavy breathing and your own pounding heartbeat and then-
“Gorgeous.” 
His large hands hovered over your hips like he was handling a piece of precious artwork. The calloused tips of his fingers grazed the fat along your pelvis in reverence. “I always thought you were beautiful, but now, I can’t believe that you’re real.” 
“Sam-“ Part of you wanted to stop him, to push away his affections but the way he cradled you and looked at you with those big hazel puppy dog eyes, you didn’t think you had the strength to stop him. He gave you that stupid grin of his that showed off his dimples and made his entire body light up. “But my stretch marks.” You managed to stammer out as some sort of last ditch effort to get him to realise the truth.
Finally he laid his hands on your skin and your mouth snapped shut. His thumbs brushed against said stretch marks, leaving behind a warm, buzzing sensation that you could feel in your bones. “What about them?” He murmured but you could tell that he was already lost in the texture of your skin.
“They’re ugly.” You admitted like it was some shameful secret. Sam froze for a moment and gazed deeply into your eyes. 
“You really think that?” You nodded. Your skin was cold where he let go of your hips, it made you wish that you had just kept your mouth shut and let him love those parts of you that you hated. 
You jolted forward to try and grab at his hands but they were already pulling at the buttons of his flannel with a determined look on his face. You gave an embarrassed squeak as suddenly, Sam was topless in front of you, his perfectly sculpted torso so achingly close to your hands. “Then you must think mine are ugly too then.”
In the soft light of your bedside lamp, you could see the silvery lines that trailed up his slim hips, starkly contrasted against his tanned skin. They were almost identical to your own and they were beautiful, like silver threads that had been placed upon him like jewels. You couldn’t help but reach out to them, desperate to feel them beneath your hands.
Sam chuckled deeply in his chest but did not try to stop you as you laid your palms flat against his toned stomach. “How?” Was all you could manage to say besides something else incredibly impolite about your boyfriend’s body.
“I’m 6’4 princess, and Dean will absolutely attest to the fact that I grew over a foot in one summer. I was bound to get some stretch marks.” You hummed, now understanding why Sam had been so distracted by your own body moments before. “Still think stretch marks are ugly?”
You shook your head without hesitation and he beamed. “’S like we have matching tattoos.”
A soft kiss was pressed to your temple as he once more wrapped you in his arms to hold you close. “That’s my girl.” You sank into his embrace, content and warm. The weight of your insecurities was slightly lessened with someone you so dearly loved taking some of the burden and you couldn’t be happier about it. Well, there was one thing.
“Can I lick ‘em?” Sam’s laugh reverberated through the room.
“Only if I can lick yours.”
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sugaimhome · 1 year
Text
country house setting - kth - part one
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pairing: 19th century taehyung x reader
minors do not interact!!!
warnings (this part): age gap (10 years, readers 18, he’s 28), masturbation (v brief), loads of smut in the next chapter hold ye horses, yandere (? he’s very obsessed with her and her innocence lol), hints towards previous abuse, distant father figure, the messed up society of 19th century britain, biscuits.
part summary: taehyung wasn't looking forward to the isolation of his fathers manor, when you knock his door, that isolation is shattered, he has a new obsession. When taehyung visits your father to introduce himself as his a new neighbor, he makes you an offer you just can not decline.
words: 4.4k
series summary: your isolated manor house has nothing interesting going on. but when the abandoned manor near to yours has a new occupant, things change. taehyung is obsessed with you from the day you first knock his door. he’d do anything for you, even if it meant going against your father’s wishes, even if it meant you losing something very important to your future marriage on the way, something that would force your fathers hand.
part one  part two  part three  masterlist 
explanation of the title: a literacy genre where fictional characters are often isolated and alone living in a country house.
A/N: i’ve been so excited to post this, then suddenly, min yoongi decides to post a picture with the same vibes... least to say I changed some names around to better suit next chapters 😫😫 he will be appearing more than once in this story. this hasn’t been proof read by anyone but me so sorry about that 😶‍🌫️ i love reader so much i just want to protect her 🥺 also the writing on the banner is jane austens writing, what a queen. I did try and copy the speaking of the time a little but I think I failed 😀
“A ball?” you ask, hope filling every inch of your heart, you’d never been to a ball, you were dying to go “Oh, father, we must go” It had been over two months since you’d properly left the house, and that had only been to the local market. You could only paint the garden so many times before going mad.
“We won’t be going to Min Yoongi’s ball” he replies, not looking up from the letter he’s holding. He sounds so resigned you wonder if he even heard you. 
“But father-” you begin, hoping to say your piece to him.
“No Y/N” his answer is blunt, you know it was final; there's no point arguing with him when he’s in one of these moods, it will only end with you getting hurt. 
“Okay”. This had been the third ball invitation this week and the third rejection from your father. You sigh. How were you ever to find a husband if you didn’t socialise? All the rich men would have found young brides now, and you, at the age of 18 would be seen as too old. The two of you stand in awkward silence for a while as he flips through his letters. 
“Someone is making residence in the manor beyond the brook.” he tells you, licking his finger to separate two pieces of paper from each other. 
“Really?” you ask. “I hope it’s a family, I would love a friend so close!”
“It’s a single man, according to the Park family, they are acquaintances with him in London.”
“London!?” you exclaim, you had been disappointed by the lack of friends the move in would bring but a new excitement had begun with the aspect of the man being from London. You had so many questions about the place. It was another world to you. “When does he move in?”
“You must not bombard him with your incessant questions.” he complains, wiggling a finger at you without looking up at you.
“I only wish to make him a cake, or maybe some biscuits” you admit, trying to lace honesty into your voice.
Your father sighs, putting down his papers and turning to you. “The 10th”
“But father, that is today!” you think he’s playing with you. “Don’t be mean”
“Read the letter if you do not believe your own father.”
The letter did in fact say the 10th. You’re almost jumping on your feet, but that would be impolite so instead you pull the letter, signed by the park jimin your father had always spoken about to your chest. “What great news” you say, trying to hide the excitement in your voice. “If you don’t mind, father, I will begin to make biscuits for him now”
“Do as you please” he replies, not really listening, still flicking through the pages in front of him. Curtsying you leave the room, the letter balled up in your fist. You make a bee-line for the kitchen, you’d get Annie to put the oven on straight away.
*** 
Taehyung had been hesitant to move back to the country. When his father had died 4 years ago he’d left his childhood home in his inheritance. Taehyung had decided that after so long it was time to return home after nearly 10 years in London. Home was a loose term. The manor had been miss kept, the garden overgrown, the surfaces dusty. Upon his early morning entrance to the house he had been ushered in by an elderly maid, Victoria was her name, he only vaguely remembered her. Apparently, he'd been paying her a monthly wage to maintain the place since his father had died. She hadn't been doing a too-great job. Though he was grateful that the house wasn't entirely empty when he arrived. Victoria had made him tea, lit his fire and explained to him that she was happy someone was living in the house again. She left, explaining she lived in the town across and had a family now. He granted her a smile as she went.
With the door locked shut and Victoria gone the only sound the house offered was the low snapping and crackling of the flames. It was so different to London, there was always something going on, someone coming to visit him, a servant cleaning or, even in the silent moments, the sound of the street at the end of his carriage-way. He missed it already. 
Yet the quiet of the house offered an odd privacy and an odd tranquility that he had missed. It dawned on him that he could do anything here and the only witness would be the flames of this fire and the wildflowers that had overtaken the garden. It gave him a sense of freedom.
Leaning back in his chair, cup of tea in one hand the other lying across his thigh. He relaxed in the blissful, slightly creepy, silence until the door knocked. He sighs. Maybe he wasn't as isolated as he thought. Nearly forgetting that no one is here to open the door for him as he had been so used to in London he quickly shoots from his chair. For a moment he struggled to open the front door, Victoria had locked him in it seemed. 
"Give me a moment!" he shouts, hoping his visitor hasn't already left.
He finds a key hanging from one of the plant pots. What an odd place. The door unlocks with relative ease and as he pulls it open he peeks his head around the door.
A teenager. He has opened the door to an unaccompanied female teenager who seems to have a box of biscuits. "Good Evening" she curtsies, the too small corset she's wearing almost over spilling her breasts. He gulps. "I live in the manor across the brook" she explains to him, he can hear the unease in her voice. The naivety and innocence. "I brought you biscuits."
She extends the box to him at arms length, squeezing her breasts together in the process. Was she doing this on purpose? "Thank you," he smiles, taking the box from her. "Would you like to come in?" When she nods he pulls the door open entirely, displaying the very dusty entryway. "Do excuse the disorder, as you can imagine it hasn't been well looked after" 
"I wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't said" she admits, purposely keeping her eyes away from the dust. He appreciates the small action. She scans the reception hall, obviously waiting for him to lead her through to a social area. "My name is Y/N" she tells him as he leads her into the living area. When he doesn’t immediately reply she asks, "Would it be impolite to ask yours?"
She's oddly quiet, he probably wouldn't have heard her voice if he were in the hustle of London "Taehyung" he replies. "My father used to own this manor. He died four years ago, would you have known him?" 
"I would have been 14 then, with little consideration of what was going on around me" Y/N replies. "I am sorry for your loss"
She was 18. Many questions filled his head. "Is your father a respectable man?" He asks her. "Is that whom you live with?"
"Oh, yes, as respectable as yours once was I should imagine" she replies, he turns to look at her, a little blush covers her cheeks.
"Then you would have been in London for the season this year" he asks, wondering if he had ever crossed paths with her.
"I have never been to London," she replies. "Though, I have heard it is exquisite."
An Eighteen year-old who has never seen London. "Then you must have an arranged marriage with a local man. I hope that is going well for you"
There is a pause between his statement and her reply. "My father does not have time to threat over my marital arrangements"
He is shocked, he had not heard of such a scandalous thing in his life. He feels sorry for her. Puzzled, he leads her into the living room where she gently sits down on a sofa he desperately hopes is not dusty. When no little particles rise to meet the sun he assumes he is safe. "I assume you'd like one of these biscuits" he asks her, turning around to place them on the small, delicately decorated table. When he turned around she'd moved, as quietly as a mouse, to the fireplace. Her dress was so close to the flames. Y/N's attention does not seem to be upon the fire though but more towards the painting placed above him. 
"This is not an appropriate place for such a lovely painting." she turns to him. Instinctively he walks up beside her, looking at the painting. "The heat will ruin the watercolour" 
There's a pout on her lips, this was obviously something she was very passionate about. "This is Thomas Girtin" she comments, reaching out and ghosting the frame of the painting with her fingers, above her finger is the signature of this Thomas Girtin. "It is a rare and expensive piece."
Taehyung is no longer staring at the painting but rather at her. He was surprised at her confidence to come into a strangers house and advise them on both the placement of their paintings and the stupidly of it. He smirks. "I'll have it moved at soon as possible, Miss Y/N. I am sure it will look a lot nicer in your premises"
"No, sir" she exclaims, stepping back from the painting and turning to look at him. "That is not what my intentions were when telling you about this piece."
"Perhaps it will persuade you to bring me more of those biscuits," Taehyung replies. He thought of his moment on the chair earlier, when he had the small epiphany of the freedom this house would bring him, how he could get away with anything. He places a hand on the small of her back and leads her back towards the front door. Grabbing two biscuits on his way past and passing one to her. With the hand on her back, she seems to have silenced a bit. "It's nearly dark, I would like to walk you back across the brook." 
"You do too much, Sir. I grew up here. I know quite well my way across the brook" Y/N defends. Taehyung is adamant as he places his boots on, and his overcoat. 
"So did I. I insist" he replies. "I left only 10 years ago, at your age. I'm sure I will find my way back quite safely." She doesn't reply, just stands in front of him with her arms crossed. "If you'd had a season in London you'd know well this is what a true gentleman is supposed to do." 
She blushes at the mention of a season in London. It only gives Taehyung an inflated feeling of power. It is clear that this young woman had no idea how to navigate herself around men, or perhaps other humans. She was as isolated as he was when he had lived in this place. He felt an unwelcome feeling of wanting to show her everything.
*** 
Taehyung had, clearly, known his way around the grounds of both his and your land. As he left you at the bottom of the steps to your mansion, offering you a little smile and a wave as you climbed the steps, he had mentioned something about the biscuits running out soon, his maid had family and once he had shared with them, he'd need more in at least two days' time. You reached the top, turning to see if he'd moved away, he had not. He bows and you curtsy before you slip into the warmth of your home.
As soon as you close the door you place your back against it, as if to block him out. That was not what you had imagined him to look like, you had expected a man in his early forties, perhaps a similar age to your father. You had not expected a young man, a man who's waistcoat fit snugly around his figure, a man who had beautiful fluffy hair. With eyes as dark as the chocolate you so rarely had. Your heart had been beating too fast the whole time you were there, that's what happened to all the women in the books you read when they loved someone, but surely that was over dramatic? Too soon? You wished you had someone to ask but it was just you and your father here now and you doubted he had the answer to this. 
The real problem did not lie in your beating heart, nor in the new strange emotion you felt but rather in the fact that when he had asked you if you'd bring more biscuits, you'd said you could bring some the very next day. And after all of that, you hadn't asked him a single question about London. Sighing, you make sure your door is locked before heading up to your chamber. The rest of the house is dead quiet, you can’t bring yourself to care anyways. You didn’t particularly want to see your father. You'd get up early in the morning and make more biscuits.
***
When Taehyung woke up the next morning he realised two things.
that it would be rude of him to not go introduce himself to Y/N's father, they were neighbors now after all.
that he had some very interesting dreams last night and the majority of them involved Y/N. He had woken up with a very prominent erection. He would need to see her again and soon.
He sat up in bed, having disregarded the bedclothes last night. He was alone, it wasn't like there was a risk of being indecent, plus he'd needed to touch himself. Taehyung could see his reflection in the mirror opposite the bed. Whilst looking at himself he wonders if she'd be able to handle the size of him. He places his hand around his dick, dragging it up and down in a loose grip- pretending his hand is Y/N. He assumes she is a virgin - only tightening his grip with this thought. He tries to imagine how she'd sound, but that's something he won't be able to tell until the moment comes, he would make that moment happen, he'd do anything to insure it. What would he have to do, and to what extent, to make Y/N his? The movement of his hand along his dick is almost painful now. Balls tightening more and more with every thrust his hips make into his hand. He cums, shooting white liquid up his stomach. It runs through the valley of his abdominal muscles like a river between two mountains. He would never look at Y/N the same again. In less than an hour he would be introducing himself to her father with the traces of his cum on his stomach the thought of it oddly turned him on. Instead, he headed for the bathroom where he would wash it off. There were times for such things and they weren't for when he was introducing himself to an elder.
***  
An hour after you'd baked the biscuits you were standing in your chamber, paintbrush between your teeth, painting a figure into one of your old landscape photos of the house across the brook. You hated to admit that the figure was Taehyung, but it only made sense, you hadn't stopped thinking of him.
You step back from the painting, wondering what it was that was missing exactly. There was Taehyung in his blue overcoat as he had been yesterday. It doesn’t seem enough. You can hardly tell it's him in the picture but if you had studied his figure, as you had plenty of times in the hour you had with him, you would know it was him.
There's a knocking at the door downstairs, it echoes around the whole mansion like the chiming of bells. Climbing over the pots and brushes you have thrown across your room, you hang your head from the open window. From this angle you can't see the front door but you can see the carriage drive. It's empty. Who would visit who didn't have a carriage?
Not caring much about your paint splattered dress you step from your room. Vaguely aware of the paint on your face, you choose to ignore it as you race down the stairs. At the door is your father, who is just opening it as you make it to the landing. However you're much more interested in what's behind the door. Your father obviously doesn't connect the dots as he sees the young man standing at the top of your steps. You, however, become much more worried about the current state of your appearance. "Good morning sir, I'm Kim Taehyung" 
Your father stares at him blankly as Taehyung offers his hand to shake. "The new gentleman across the brook?" He asks. Nodding Taehyung smiles at your father, perfectly white teeth on show. From where you're standing he can't seem to see you. You debate running back upstairs before your father lets him in. But you're too late, your father's shaking his hand and pulling him through the door at the same time. There's no hiding now. "My God Y/N!" your father exclaims at seeing you. "I told you not to wear such disgraceful garments out of your room! you'll have to excuse her" he turns to Taehyung, "she's not very well socialised."
You blush, Taehyung must notice you backing away. "It's really not a worry sir, I am already acquaintances with your daughter, she brought me biscuits yesterday evening, I suppose under your instructions"
If your father was to take credit for your ideas, you would have cried, instead your father explodes "I did not advise such an act! I apologise for her rogue mannerisms." You knew he had not been listening to you yesterday. As the pair walk past the bottom of the stairs, therefore past you, Taehyung rolls his eyes and then winks at you. 
"I very much enjoyed the biscuits" he announces, it's a response to your father, but he's looking at you as he says it. Tickling erupts on the inside of your stomach. You place a hand on it, having never felt this feeling before. Taehyung watches your hand as it lands on your abdomen. You don't understand why but he's smirking as he follows your father into the study. It dawns upon you that you do not have a great understanding of the outside world nor the feelings that Taehyung has brung with it. The two men disappear behind the study door, and you run over to place your ear to the key-hole.
“Does she paint?” he asks your father, why this isn’t a question he can just ask you is unbeknownst to you.
“I believe so” your father mumbles, the topic of his daughter seems to put him in a foul mood.
“You believe so?” Taehyung sounds upset, as if the response he had received wasn’t enough.
“There becomes a stage in a man's life when he stops caring about the women around him. He stops caring about silly things like paintings. You understand me don’t you.”
“I don’t believe I do, sir,” Taehyung replies. There's a harshness to his voice you had yet to have heard. You bring a hand up to cover the huff of surprise your mouth admits. If you were to talk back to your father like that you’d be slapped and denied food for a day. When your father doesn’t reply Taehyung continues. “I would like to view her paintings if you would permit it.”
“Of course,” Your father replies, annoyed. Then he asks Taehyung a question using so many business words you give up trying to listen to their conversation and focus more, or panic more, on the fact Taehyung was coming to view your paintings. There seems to be no other option than to sprint up the stairs and at least try to tidy it up a little. 
You’re in the middle of stuffing an old awful painting under your bed when the door knocks. “Give me a moment father and I’ll be out!” you shout, trying to be oblivious after eavesdropping.
“It’s Taehyung,” he replies. “May I come in”
You pause before answering. You could probably tell him to go away and he would. “Oh! Come in!” You’re up from under your bed now. Currently the main painting on display was the one with him in, you figured that he wouldn’t have looked in a mirror long enough to tell that it was his figure anyway. It was still slightly embarrassing. The door knob twisted and he filled the doorway with his figure.
“This is your chamber and workroom?!” was the first thing he asked, you blush, embarrassed both with the fact he was in the only place you stood naked each night, and that he was judging your way of life.
“It’s not ideal.” you reply, deciding to go for the truth. “I tried painting in the parlor but father was not best pleased.”
He nods his head but doesn’t reply to you, beginning to walk around your room of paintings. Wildflowers. Your father at his desk. A deer in snow. The view of the fields beyond from your window. You're shaking. Stopping at the painting you were most dreading, he tilts his head.
“Are they...” he pauses and his lip curves to the side, “kissing?”
"Um" you begin. "Is it off?" no longer caring that it's him and more concerned with your painting. "Her neck is at the wrong angle isn't it!" you exclaim, you're next to him now contemplating the painting together, as you had done with the portrait over his fireplace. This had been one of your very first paintings of people, you’d read from a men's guide to kissing that you had brought from one of the second hand stores in the town. It was the best you could do, you’d never seen two people kiss before. 
Taehyung moves on from that painting to the next, your most recent painting, the one with him in it. You daren’t look at him to see his reaction, instead you wipe a little paint off the bottom of the frame, hoping to distract him from, well, himself.
“I like this one” he smiles, “though I think it's missing something”
You’re too scared to reply to him so instead you just nod your head. It’s funny how he thought the same as you. “You capture the house really well, and the blue of my coat.”
Hands shaking you go to apologise to him. It wasn’t fair of you to paint him without his permission, but he’s moving back to the kissing scene again. Following behind him like a shadow you both end up staring at the painting. You’re aware of him looking at you from the corner of his eye. Your breath catches in your throat. Down the stairs you can hear your father moving about in his study. The rest of the house seems to be in an anxious science, holding its breath, as if it expects something to happen. Do you expect something to happen? He fully turns to you, his focus no longer on the painting, placing one of his hands on your shoulder. Your body freezes, though warmth spreads down your arm and into your body where his hand touches your dress. “Taehyung?” you're aware that your voice sounds so quiet in the greatness of the room. 
He pushes your shoulder slightly so you’re facing him. The whole room blurs and it's only him that you can see. He's like an angel sent from God, his bright light blinds you. “I could show you, Y/N”
Show you what? There's so much in this world that you want to see, want to experience. “Show me what?” you ask him, your brain is too innocent, too behind to pick up on what Taehyung really means. 
“How to kiss, then after that” he pauses, looking at his small figure in the picture behind you. “I could show you anything” lessening the grip he has on your shoulders. You feel no pressure in your answer, you could say no, he’s so close to you. 
“I’d like that” you reply, your mouth staying slightly agape at the eagerness in your tone, you hadn’t realised you were so keen. Smiling, Taehyung brings his thumb up to his mouth, he runs it between his lips, as if to wet them with his spit, then he’s bringing it to your face. This wasn’t how you imagined a kiss to be and, instinctively, step back. 
“Don’t worry Y/N, this isn’t a kiss, I am wiping paint off your cheek” his thumb makes contact with your skin and a blush rushes up to your cheeks. Why were you so responsive to his touch? “I won’t kiss you today”
Your lip sticks out in immediate disappointment, “I want you to think on it more” he admits. “You only get one first kiss.” 
“How long do I have to think about it?” you ask, you were hit by the insufferable feeling of being so naïve, so behind where you should be in the experience of your life, that it was embarrassing. You’re sure a kiss will solve this. You’re sure Taehyung will solve this.
“Tomorrow” he has removed his thumb from your cheek now, but his other hand is caressing your face. He runs slow circles between your eye and your hair and, nature guiding you, you lean into his touch further. This, you realise, is what intimacy was. You had once read the definition in a dictionary
close familiarity or friendship.
When you had first read it, you had realised that you had never had any intimacy with anyone. It was as foreign to you as flying was to a dog, or walking was to a baby. Your eyes are wide in shock, your legs only just holding your weight up. Taehyung is smiling at you softly when he removes his hand. Your body is as attached to this area of your floor as a tree to soil. “I suppose I’ll see you tomorrow” he steps over a paint brush and pot, you want to stop him but your tongue has been stolen from you. He’s at your door now, pulling it shut behind him. He’s hidden behind the near closed door when he softly says “I’ll show you everything, Y/N”
Then he’s gone. 
You hear the front door shut. 
Without his biscuits. 
thank you for reading!
1K notes · View notes
devilfic · 20 days
Text
❝small favor❞
VI. growing pains.
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parts: previously plot: you and peter are getting used to each other, but there are growing pains. pairing: mcu!peter parker x gn!reader. cw: mentions of several injuries, mildly suggestive content, hurt/comfort, peter being a problematic vigilante boyfriend (not telling you he got his ass kicked). words: 5k.
a/n: something a little shorter and sweeter (after the pain, of course).
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You lift your head, heart hammering away, and meet the eyes of Peter Parker.
He fits him perfectly. The curls, his lips. But now there are eyes that fill in the gap, honey-color eyes that speak to that soothing feeling he gives you. He's leaning his forehead against yours now, looking up into your own eyes. You've thought about this exact moment happening before, but you had never gotten around to what you would say when it finally did.
Peter's thumb brushes up against your hip—having sneaked underneath the hem of his sweater during your reverie—and it jolts you back, "Well, come on," he nervously laughs, "don't leave me hangin'."
You take a handful of his hair in your grip, passing the silky strands between your fingertips and recalling the first night you'd ever felt them, "Why now?"
Peter's nose scrunches up, "I told you. I was never fooling you."
You shut your eyes, stretching your neck forward to brush your nose against his, "No, but... why right now? Why like this?
"It might be obvious but I really, really like you. I... I just kept thinking that I really wanted to tell you, because you're this smart, ambitious, funny—amazing at baking, by the way—person that I didn't want to miss out on, but you don't really know Peter Parker. You know Spidey. You know Spider-Man. And that's a lot to live up to which is weird to say because it's... also me? And eventually, the more comfortable I got with you, the more the lines started to blur together. But I just worried that if I dragged it out any longer, I might set you up for disappointment and I just... wanted you to see me. Really see me. At least once, before I told you. Does that make sense?"
And you do see him. You're seeing everything you imagined and more mystery yet. The pictures in this room could only tell a fraction of the story of Peter Parker, your time with Spider-Man telling another. You let the little voice in your head that drives your curiosity get excited at unraveling it. Just this once. "I told you at the gala, didn't I? That if anyone in that room was you, Peter Parker would be it."
You hear a low grumble in Peter's throat, "Mm, yeah. Yeah, you did say that. You also said that... I'd be shaking and crying if you yelled at me-"
"That's irrelevant."
"You say that whenever I'm right."
"I say that whenever it's irrelevant."
"Yeah, but you do have a thing for me, right?" Peter smiles, taking your cheek in his hand. The bliss on his face knocks you right out of whack. The dresser digs into your back as you try not to get lightheaded just looking at him.
It's so unfamiliar to put a face—a whole face—to Spidey, and now you can see it all. Every wrinkle, every flutter of his eyelashes, every brow-furrow. Everything, everything.
Your lips part to tease him, but Peter's door suddenly shakes under three firm knocks.
"Hey. Is Harry. You okay?" Harry Osborn is slurring over his words, and you can tell he's got his mouth pressed up against the door because it sounds a little muffled when he speaks, "I'm really sorry."
Peter's shoulders had tensed at the knocks, pulling you closer to his body for the fraction of a second when neither of you knew it was Harry. But once he recognizes the voice, his mouth drops to your shoulder to muffle his laughing. You press your face into his hair to stifle your own, barely able to choke out a sincere, "It's no biggie, Harry. Really!"
"Ya sure? I feel really awful about it. May's... May said I stained the tablecloth too."
"I'm so sure, Harry."
"I can buy you a new shirt. As many-" He pauses to hiccup, "-as many as you want."
"You really don't have to!"
A few seconds later, Harry mumbles, "Are you mad at me?"
You whisper to Peter who is biting his bottom lip to keep from giving himself away, "Is he always like this when he's drunk?"
"After the tequila mellows out," Peter snickers, "he won't let it go until he makes it up to you, you know."
Through the door, you can hear Harry say something like "you really are mad at me" to himself. "Seriously, it's not a big deal, Harry. Look, I've already got a new sweater on and everything!"
You kind of hear Harry's question, but you notice Peter's reaction first. He stiffens, tilts his head toward the door, inhales deep.
The door barely cracks open a hair before Peter's webbed it shut.
The look Peter gives you tells you everything you need to know: Harry doesn't know.
Your mouth falls open as you slip from between Peter and the dresser and rush over to the door. You slip two fingers between the web and the door frame, testing the strength, and the lack of give is impressive. "Uh, sorry Har! I'm not decent right now."
"But you... you said... a new sweater-"
"Yeah, but..." You glance over at Peter for help which ends up being the absolute wrong thing to do. You'd taken your eyes off him during the mere second it took to reach the door, and now he's half naked standing in a pool of red and blue and frantically pulling a shirt over his naked stomach. You stare at the ridges of his abdomen as they flex, and even a little longer after Peter pulls a "You Compute Me <3" t-shirt down over it. He gestures vaguely at you, even as his cheeks go pink watching your eyes dart to his boxers and back up to his face, "...it got on my pants too?"
You hear Harry whine a little, thumping his forehead against the door, "I'm really sorry."
"If you think about it, it's kind of like payback. I spill my drink on you, you spill your drink on me. We're even now." You peek at Peter who's now bent over digging through his drawer for a pair of shorts and force yourself to keep your thoughts elsewhere.
"I'll buy you new pants, too. I'll buy you so many pants."
"The stain isn't even that bad! I'm just spot-cleaning it, really. You can go back to the party."
"Oh... well, I was gonna, but I can't find Pete."
You open your mouth to dig up some reassuring lie when Peter presses himself into your back, snatches the webbing off the door frame, and opens it to reveal a flustered looking Harry on the other side.
Whatever embarrassment he felt over the whole drink ordeal washes away instantaneously. He frowns, blinks, stands upright at once. He stares between you and Peter.
Peter is the first one to say something, "Hey... man. Hey. I'm here. You found me."
Harry raises a finger to point accusingly at you two, but nothing comes out of his mouth for a bit. Like he'd forgotten to say what he was thinking out loud, "Have you been here the whole time?"
You look at Peter. His right hand rests on the small of your back like an awkward prom date, and when he meets your gaze, a nervous laugh tumbles out of his mouth, "Yes... yeah."
Harry's eyes narrow, "Why'd you change clothes?"
"Hot flash."
Both you and Harry give Peter a bewildered look this time. How he'd kept his secret identity a secret this long was truly a plot armor miracle.
"I can take a hint, you know," Harry's demeanor deflates, even though he sounds less sad and more disappointed, "I just wish you guys would've told me you were dating earlier. I know I've been gone but I still wanna be in your life, Pete."
Your heart softens at that. You feel kind of terrible about how clumsily you've all stumbled into this moment. You feel Peter stiffen and swoop in to save him, "No! You've got it all wrong, we're not dating. We just... kissed. For the first time, actually. That's why I didn't let you in at first. It was... you know."
You watch Harry process it for a moment. Then, as if all transgressions had been forgiven, he smiles. With a deep bellow the whole house can hear, Harry turns to yell down the hallway, "That's 20, Leeds! I called it!" He gives you both a fleeting goodbye, throws in a "congrats", and runs downstairs.
You let the door quietly glide shut. Peter runs a hand through his hair, letting out a rough exhale. "So, Harry, one of your best friends since college, doesn't know you're Spider-Man? But I do?"
"It's complicated." Peter groans, "I didn't tell anyone at first. Not MJ, not Ned, not even May. Then it all just kinda happened. With Harry, though... it's not that I don't trust him, I just don't know how to bring it up."
You watch him take a seat on the edge of his bed, dropping his chin in his hand to look at you. You press your back to the door, "Bet him 20 bucks you couldn't crawl on the ceiling?"
Peter snickers, "Nah. I'd bet him 80."
"Speaking of: you wouldn't happen to know anything about that 20 Harry was talking about, would you?"
Peter's cheeks go pink and he drops his head in his hands.
Boldly, you press off the door and saunter over to him, dropping to your knees at his feet and resting your folded arm on one of his legs. He peeks through his fingers to look at you and then quickly closes them again. You tug his chin toward you and his hands have no choice but to fall away, revealing his wobbly, embarrassed smile and the blush that had spread up to his hairline, "Parker." Is all you say.
He tries to hold out and bless him, he's really cute when he tries, but he turns to mush after holding your stare for too long, "The guys thought it'd be funny to make a bet on when I'd... give in."
"Give in? To what?"
Peter wails and throws himself back on the bed dramatically, flopping like a fish. You crawl up onto the bed beside him with a shit-eating grin. He tries to throw his arm over his eyes but you pin his wrist beside his head while he debates between looking at you head-on and staring up at the top bunk, "Hey, don't hide from me," you whine, "tell me."
Peter grumbles something sarcastic under his breath but it hitches when you throw a leg over him, straddling his lower half and blocking his view of the box-spring. You think his pupils blow a bit wider, "To you," Peter's voice is tender now, careful and vulnerable, "I... kind of told everyone I wanted to make a good impression on you. Or a better impression than the last two. And Harry's been teasing me about it all day so I thought I'd just spite him for it and... and then I... put on the suit. And something stupid happens to me when I'm around you, but if I hadn't, I don't know if I would have had the courage to kiss you."
You slip a hand up Peter's chest, "If it makes you feel better," you lean down to peck his lips, "it was a damn good kiss."
"Yeah?" Peter's voice pitches up a little, cracking on the word.
"I've gotta tell the Web-Blog about it now. Full disclosure."
Before you can even giggle about it, Peter has you flipped on your back, pressing his mouth to yours in a dizzying kiss that shuts you right up.
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You have not heard from Peter in 12 hours.
For normal couples, 12 hours without speaking wasn't the end of the world. Jobs, family, friends, alone time; it was reasonable—healthy even—for normal couples. 12 hours was nothing.
But you and Peter were not normal, and 12 hours for you was four days in normal couple time.
It had started the night before. Peter had promised he'd swing by for your usual debrief, a little later than usual due to where he'd be patrolling, and you had reassured him it was fine. You'd made tea and prepped the couch for the possible (inevitable) sleep-over, and waited. And waited. At some point, you'd passed out exhausted on the couch thinking that he might swoop in around three a.m. with snacks and an apology, only to wake up hours later to sunrise and nothing. No one. Cold tea and a couch only you slept on.
You'd shot off a text (well-concealed concern, of course) hoping he'd gotten some well-earned sleep after patrol, dancing around the missed date. It was fine, you were sure. It was only eight in the morning and he didn't have a tight schedule like you.
But by the afternoon, there is no response to your text.
You just about gnaw your fingernails off before Jameson recommends you take a walk to gather your bearings, or "you're shaking like my wife's teacup poodle off half a shot of espresso, go somewhere I can't see you."
Halfway down the block and no less nervous than when you left, you call the only person you know who might be of help, "Hey, Ned. Are you busy by any chance?"
"Nah, you caught me on my lunch break. What's up?"
You press your back to a storefront window, letting the city pass you by, "It's Pete. He was supposed to come by last night for our weekly debrief but he didn't show. No text, no call, nothing. And he always does his best to let me know if he can't make it."
"Hm, that's weird. Did you try calling him?"
"I... texted him? Assumed he was just too tired last night and slept off patrol at his place. But it's been a few hours and he still hasn't responded. I didn't wanna seem like a clingy partner if he was just busy but I'm getting worried. You haven't heard from him, have you?"
You can hear Ned's computer chair squeak on the other end as if he'd shot up in his chair. "That's... not like Peter."
Your stomach turns to lead, "Ned, you don't think-"
"Hold on." You hear rapid typing on Ned's end, "I traced his phone back to his apartment." You would ask how he managed to do that so quickly, especially at work, but you supposed you'd rather not know, "He's there for sure. Or his phone is, at least. Log shows he definitely took it with him on patrol."
You frown, "Really?"
"It showed him returning home at one this morning. It's still on. Last location ping was half an hour ago. Doesn't seem like he's used it, though. No calls sent out, no texts either."
"You're scary good at this, Ned."
You can hear the pride in Ned's tone as he types some more, "Look, I'm gonna give him a call and see if he picks up. If he doesn't, I'll head over to his place and see what's going on for myself. I'll let you know if I get anything out of him, alright?"
"Alright. Good. Be careful."
"Hey."
"Hm?" You bite hard into your bottom lip.
"Don't pull an Aunt May on me."
"What's an Aunt May?"
"The whole pretending you're not freaking out when you really are freaking out thing. Classic May."
"Can you blame me, Ned? I'm... I'm new to this. I don't know the protocol for dating a-" You bring a hand up to your mouth to muffle the rest of your sentence, "-vigilante. I don't know what's too much or- or..."
"If it helps, I hear there's no protocol at all. Pretty disorganized system, if you ask me. Many a couple left asunder." You choke on a little laugh, "It's gonna be okay, okay? Peter likes you a lot. It's probably nothing. Don't stress yourself out. I'll talk to you later."
The phone clicks. You feel like you should be surrounded by silence after that but the city bustles about you as if you're not even there. It's overstimulating, but you don't think you'll find much refuge back at the Bugle either.
And you would go, you would if you could. You'd be meeting Ned halfway if you knew where Peter lived but it was embarrassing. You hadn't worked up the courage to ask and Peter had never invited you over, and so now you're stuck on a street corner twiddling your thumbs wondering if your boyfriend might be hurt or worse while you mull over being too forward.
You wait five minutes, but no updates from Ned. 10, and nothing still. A half hour passes and you think you might actually vibrate through the floor with worry when you get a single text from Ned. It's an address.
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Jameson hadn't been too happy when you took the rest of the afternoon off, but you'd promised to edit a particularly scathing piece about Spider-Man in exchange and, well, he couldn't say no to that.
As you knocked on the door of apartment 215, you could hear quarreling voices behind it come to a halt. Then, unmistakably, your boyfriend asks, "Who is that?" Your saliva gets stuck in your throat. You have to force down a swallow, the pressure building in your nose and behind your eyes as footsteps draw near to the front door. You hated that this would be the first time you stepped foot into Peter's place: unplanned, uninvited.
Ned is the one to open the door. His disappointment is palpable but very clearly not aimed at you. He blocks the doorway, dropping his voice to a whisper, "I know it's a lot to ask, but please don't panic. Not yet."
What no one had seemed to tell Ned in his 20+ years of living is that prefacing something with "don't panic" often had the opposite effect. Your heart rate spikes. It stutters when Peter calls out your name weakly.
All the swirling fear you'd been bracing for hits you at once. Peter is curled up on his two-seater—a cramped, dingy thing—looking like death itself. He hadn't even taken off the suit fully, the upper half bunched up at his waist like he'd only had the energy to get it down that far. His chest and torso are littered with fresh scars, some more ghastly than others, few hastily covered in a concoction of ointments and bandages that sit in a pile by the couch.
You rush past Ned and collapse on your knees beside it, "Peter?"
He winces. His face is bruised, mottled around the eyes and mouth and nose. His hand shakes as you reach for it.
You turn to Ned, "What happened?"
"Fisk happened," his best friend grumbles, "a lot of Fisk happened, apparently."
You remembered what he'd said about patrol last night. He was over in Hell's Kitchen, checking on some suspicious activity by the rail yard. Your heart jumps in your throat. "Fisk was there?"
Peter lets out a shuttering breath, "Overseeing transport."
You glare at him with more heat than he probably deserves right now, but you're beginning to tremble with rage and you've nowhere to put it, "Did you know Fisk was there?" Peter does not answer. He doesn't even bother to look at you anymore. "Peter."
"I had a chance," he coughs, spit dribbling from the corner of his lip that you quickly blot away with your sleeve, "to catch him in the act."
"He could've killed you!"
Peter can't argue that. You want him to; you want him to tell you that it wasn't so much of a close call. It'd put your mind at ease, keeping every other possible scenario at bay. He can't even do that.
You hover a hand over his cheek but can't bring yourself to touch him, afraid to irritate the bruises there. "I'm taking you to a hospital."
"You can't." Peter and Ned's voices ring out in unison.
"Then we'll take you to... to somewhere. The Avengers facility, some top-secret resort on an island I don't know the name of. Something. Peter, you could've died."
"And I'll heal," you watch Peter press himself up on his elbows, but he wobbles under his own weight and drops back down into the cushions, "it's just gonna take a while."
"Tell him he's being ridiculous, Ned."
Ned frowns from the hallway, arms crossed over his chest, "He is. But he's not going to leave the city. I've... tried."
You bite your lip, "Then what if we get someone down here instead? They come to Peter."
You see the cogs turning in Peter's brain, trying to strum up some kind of excuse, but you're already stealing his phone from the coffee table and scrolling for her contact before Peter can stop you. If you weren't so worried about his health, you'd have hesitated before dialing her number. You jump up from the floor and to your horror, Peter tries to follow you.
He stumbles—of course he does, he's barely able to stand upright—and at the very moment he reaches for your arm, the phone picks up, "Peter? It's been a while. How are you?"
"This isn't Peter, this is... this is a friend of Peter's," Peter's fingers still on your elbow, his chest pressed to your side, and you can feel him struggling to keep his weight off you to stand. Both you and Ned force him down onto his bed. "Listen, I'm sorry to bother you, but he got hurt really bad last night and we could use any help we can get. Is it possible you could send someone over? Anyone who can help?"
"Um," Pepper Potts sounds stunned, "is Peter there? Can I talk to him first?"
You reluctantly hold out the phone to your boyfriend, daring him to ignore the determined look in your eyes. And, to his credit, he does try.
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"He's recovering quickly, though it won't be as quick of a turnaround as he's used to. Make sure he takes these every six hours and keep an eye on his liquids," Dr. Said places a bottle in your hand, her tone just barely betraying the exhaustion she feels after working on Peter for hours, "I would recommend no heroing until he's fully recovered, but this isn't my first rodeo."
You wonder how many heroes Dr. Said has fixed up in her time. Pepper had said she'd send over an "expert", though she'd never had the pleasure of working on Peter.
You walk her to the door and lock it behind her when she leaves, and it's only then that you realize the sun has begun to set, the buildings across the street reflecting fleeting sunrays through Peter's living room window. You're careful maneuvering throughout the place: shutting blinds, flipping on lamps, picking up his suit and discarding it in the laundry bin. It's only one room—Peter's apartment—so he watches you the whole time.
You're thinking about what to say now that it's just the two of you (Ned had gone back to work after his lunch break ended), but Peter beats you to it, "I won that," you look at Peter sitting up in bed, then follow his finger to a shelf above his desk scattered with trophies, "at my middle school mathletes competition. The one next to it was for 2nd place at our science fair; I would've won first but the soda dispenser on my ice cream float machine malfunctioned and sprayed root beer in the principal's eye."
You snort, "Pity. You kept the trophy but not the machine?"
"I kept it! It's probably in May's attic buried under my basketball participation trophies." Peter smiles for the first time since you'd gotten here. He pats the bed beside him.
As you crawl into Peter's bed, he tells you about everything else; his rug is from a garage sale (and no, those weren't bloodstains, just a freak accident with tomato paste), he'd had his bed since college but splurged on a new mattress with graduation money, he paid a little less on rent now in exchange for letting the landlord's daughter take his bike to work sometimes (swinging was faster anyway).
The little details end up not being very little. There's so much of him here, packed into this tiny one-bedroom. The half-baked Spidey gadgets scattered across his desk and the science beakers in the kitchen sink... it's so much more than what you imagined.
You curl into Peter, laying flat on your side as he tucks his arm underneath your head. He must've run out of things to point at because it's silent between you both for a good while. The sun has fully set by the time he speaks again, "I wanted this to go differently."
"This?" You mumble.
"This. You coming over for the first time. I would've liked to have... don't know, vacuumed. Changed my sheets. Washed the blood out of my suit," you both laugh at that, "I would've made you dinner. I've got tons of recipes saved on my phone."
"Oh yeah? What would you have made me?"
"Ugh, there was this uh... this pasta chip thing? You boil pasta noodles, season 'em, throw 'em in the air fryer and they come out all crunchy. I would've borrowed May's fryer and went to town."
"That sounds really good actually."
"Yeah, I gotta-" Peter reaches for his phone on the windowsill but stretches himself too hard. You sit up a little to press your hand to his shoulder, worrying over his irritated stitches, and he sinks back into the headboard in defeat, "I gotta show you. Sometime."
Peter is avoiding your eyes but you can see the swirling pools of shame and embarrassment in his. While Dr. Said had worked on his injuries, he had said next to nothing. Just stared at the ceiling, or at her, or at you. It was unnerving. He never passed up an opportunity to joke—especially at his own expense—and yet... "Why didn't you tell anyone?"
Peter winces at your question. Still refusing to look at you, the arm around you tightens and loosens. You brush your fingers against his bandaged cheek and for a second, he instinctively bumps into it. "I didn't want to worry you."
"And Ned? MJ? May? You couldn't tell them either?"
"I... I just needed to sleep it off."
"Pete," You nearly growl his name, enough for him to actually look you in the eyes this time, "don't bullshit me. Not after today."
Peter swallows. He believes your threat unsaid, and buckles, "I'm sorry."
The tightness in your frown softens, "Why?"
Peter laughs but you can tell there's very little humor in it. A defense mechanism, maybe, or his feelings are just that absurd, "I never set out to tell anyone that I was Spider-Man. I mean, I thought about it all the time but it all just kind of... happened. Before May, before Ned, before... Tony, it was just me. If I beat up a bad guy, it was between me and whoever managed to catch it online. If I saved a little old lady, it was between me and her. If I got hurt, it was just me. I learned to handle that."
You think back to what Peter said, about how he'd been Spider-Man since he'd started high school. Imagining a younger Peter—the Peter in those family pictures at May's—beaten to a pulp most nights makes you sick to your stomach. "But you've had Ned, and MJ and May for years. Don't you-" You don't get the chance to finish your question. The look Peter gives you is your answer.
"I love them but they're not... they didn't sign up for this. I did. When I fuck up, it's me. It's just me. It has to be."
"And the other heroes? I'm sure the others would help."
"The others have bigger fish to fry than me," Peter chuckles, "and I swore I would take care of New York. It's my home. So that's what I'm going to do, even if I have to do it alone."
"But you're not alone." You take his free hand in yours, fingers intertwining despite the splint on one finger. "Pete, I'm not asking you to let me out in the field with you in a dollar store knock-off of your suit, I'm asking that you just tell me—tell us when you need help. If things get dicey, say something. I'd rather know than find you in a ditch somewhere because you were too-" and you want to say proud, but you fear it'll burn the wrong way, "-too worried about us worrying. We're here for you. I'm here for you. I care so much about you that I think my heart might explode."
"Whoa, hey," Peter's eyes prickle with tears as he laughs, releasing your hand to cup your cheek, "telling me that kinda proves my point, you know that right?"
You can't help but smile, "I can't help it. You do crazy things to my feelings, Parker."
Peter draws you in for a kiss, then two. Your shoulders sag with the weight of the day and you try your best not to lean into his bruised shoulder. "I'm sorry. I should've sucked it up and said something. Ignoring you was a jackass move."
"Yeah. It was."
"I'm really sorry."
"I forgive you."
Peter's eyelashes flutter open but he keeps your noses pressed against each other, "You wanna sleep over?"
You raise an eyebrow, even as your heart accelerates, "Easy there, tiger. Make me dinner first."
Peter wiggles his injured hand against your cheek, "Uh, chef's on sabbatical. Will takeout suffice?"
You press a kiss to his nose. "Sounds good to me, handsome."
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hiraeth-sonder · 13 days
Text
Delusive Masks - Nasu
Yan! Tamamo no Mae x Reader
Old foxes aren't the best servants, they're wily and complex, and most of all, possessive
TW: Mentions of violence in the form of burning, general toxic manipulative behaviour, not really proof read
//The brainrot hit so bad that I wrote a bad fever dream. A whole bunch of liberties taken with the way being an onmyoji works and with characters as per usual. Poem is from 陽成院歌合, topic of 夏虫の恋 and is number 06 of the whole collection
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あふことを, いつともしらぬ
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To be a good person is not difficult, to be a good onmyoji perhaps less so. For many people, merely getting the skill and natural ability to qualify as one is already a kind of privilege, it taints the way they view themselves, creating grandiose splendours that they can transcend beyond the mortal principles. Yet when one becomes powerful enough to summon shikigami beyond weak spirits imbued into paper dolls, it gets to their head. They suddenly, foolishly believe themselves capable of nothing short of miracles. How fast they fall, turning themselves into cruel masters, bidding their servants to acts no better than the very yokai they seek to exorcise, kicking upon their shikigami to which they had entered that sacred contract. 
You are grateful for many things in life, the first that you had good parents that supported your wishes, the second that you could become a practising onmyoji, and the third being your master’s consistent and persistent hammering of humility and altruism. No lesser or greater than any being that walks upon this world, whether human or spirit, your duty was to protect the innocent and excise the guilty. Of course, he had worded it much more eloquently than such, but the motive was still present in his orotund words. 
Your shikigami are as equally deserving of respect as you are, unconditional kindness could very often make the difference between an evil spirit and a good one. You have stuck by such truths for as long as you have started, even when the only spirits under your command were Ubume and Zashiki Warashi. It became a promise of kinds, that you would always do right by them so long as they showed the same sentiment in return. Eventually, you ended up with quite a few of them, a good entourage of them you knew you could trust. Yet, it was rather difficult for people to take you seriously without certifiably powerful spirits, or perhaps it was more accurate to say that there was a certain gap between the perceived disciple of the great Abe no Seimei, and the reality that you were. 
There was some part of you that did resent that expectation, partly that others should have no right to comment on your ability solely on your patronage, and partly because it felt too close to home. Of course you knew it was shameful to be so powerless when you study under one of the best practitioners, it is only natural you did. 
The smell of incense fills your nose as your eyes adjust to the dim room, a talisman before you laying on the wooden floor. With a brush in hand, dipped in ink and poised for use, you calm your pounding heart. You have already summoned a few shikigami before, yet at this very moment, you could feel nothing but inexplicable foreboding. It made no sense, with your current living quarters more than protected by both your and your shikigamis’ efforts, yet you could not merely shake off the tenseness in your joints and the roiling in your stomach. 
It hurts, everything still hurts. Your hands from all the preparation, your knees from kneeling on such hard floors, your head from everything that has been and shall be. It is as though your body only knows to bear suffering, pain from which is borne from being mortal, pain borne of the pure action of breathing. 
Still, you close your eyes and take a deep breath. Picking up your brush in a ramrod perfect posture, the incantation so familiar to your lips spill out as ink stains the talisman. Your voice starts soft, barely a whisper in the wind and as your hand scrawls and scrawls with a fervour not quite known to human consciousness, it rises until the only sound in your ear is your very own words. 
The moment your brush lifts off the paper and the ink settles within, placed within the circle, it resonates and glows, bursting with light and into flame as it burns into a brilliant blaze. It threatens to engulf the summoning room, grazing at the ceiling as even the fire from your candles are absorbed into such a violent inferno. You can feel the heat, practically licking your skin and singeing the ends of your coat, sweat beading at your brow as you shield your eyes from the bright display. 
Even when the flames dim, what is before your eyes is merely the shaping of the firestorm into nine distinct tails, a vulpine silhouette that eventually reveals a tall figure, draped in silks and brocades. With an elaborate fox-like mask hiding the top half of his face, this spirit which presented himself as both court official and decadent noble snapped open his fan to further hide his jade white visage. Among the cool night, all you could feel was the radiating heat from his form, even if he retracted his flames, it was as if there was nothing beyond him and his fire. 
The high wooden geta clacks against the wooden floorboards, elegant footfalls approaching you ever closer as he steps out of the circle. He makes no effort to lower himself to your level, fervid eyes burning behind the mask as he tips his fan beneath your chin and lifts it. The spirit takes a gander at your appearance, scrutinising your every feature with an intensity far beyond mild interest. 
“This place has experienced great change since I’ve last been here,” The old fox’s lips curl into a smile, the peek of sharp canines peeking from behind. His voice is sultry, a minacious bite to his words,  “Onmyoji, we finally finally meet.”
No matter this first introduction, dealing with this great spirit will be much more complicated than any you have ever met. A venerable kitsune in which vagary destruction lay right at the snap of his fingers, no matter what kind of fate he deems worthy for your mortal self, it is exactly because you are mortal that you should meet this trial. 
Bowing, you raise your clasped hands in front of you and dip until you feel your back screech for mercy, “Tamamo no mae-sama, it is an honour to meet you.”
“Do take care of me, little lady,” He croons and a shiver runs through your bones, no matter how gentle his words were.
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なつむしの, おもひはかぎり
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“Master, I did not think you would arrive so quickly.”
Your hands are steady as you tip the lacquered teapot, fragrant tea pouring in a steady stream from its slender spout. The dark liquid a blend you rarely take out other than to entertain your master, there is a certain trepidation that comes with such an act, one you are not sure when will finally leave you. The joints of your fingers ache, throbbing even as you lay at rest. 
“It is so wrong for me to worry for you?” He raises a brow, azure eyes regarding you with some placid gleam.
Despite your admittedly out of place nerves, your master has done nothing to warrant such, that in spite of his graceful and aloof poise, Seimei may likely be one of the kindest people you have ever met. You understand that a person can in no way be entirely benevolent nor evil, for that is what makes a sentient being sentient, but there is merely something about him that brings forward ease within a person. 
You only shake your head, an abashed quirk tugging at your lips. Watching him take a sip from his cup, your mind drifts back to the message you had sent. A letter that was hastily scrawled and messy beyond reason, the paper carried the distinct stench of smoke and ash, it was a moment of panic now that you could look upon the incident with a much clearer head. The minute you had situated the old yokai in conditions appeasable to his own tastes, you remember sprinting back to your room, sweat clinging to your skin and staining the paper as you wrote, informing your master what had just occurred and asking for his guidance. 
“Of course not, I just thought you would have taken more time to get here,” You hum, your voice lowered and sheepish. “Were you not at the capital when my letter arrived?”
Your master only nods, “Your words were so fearful, I thought you had come across a great trouble.”
He takes a moment to partake from his drink once more, a silence falling upon the sun-lit room as birds chirp in the nearby trees and the sound of your shikigami going about their lives ring from the distance. You rest your eyes upon his form, noting the seeming flawlessness of his presence. Sharper features that hinted at some otherworldly grace, just the most minute sign found in the form of the slight furrow of his brow revealed the distress that plagued him. Then, his long lashes flutter open, and your master merely seems to smile, relief all but seeping from his eyes. 
“I am glad you are well.”
Averting your gaze, you thank him under your breath as heat flushes at the tips of your ears, not quite certain whether such bashfulness stems from troubling him or emotions else explained. 
You can only move the conversation of topic away from that moment, putting on a facade of ease, “I thought you would have more insight about him.”
The expression on his face shifts ever so slightly, a sudden hardness in his eyes as he grips the teacup just the little tighter. 
“He…has experienced a great number of losses due to both divine and human action,” He manages to breathe out, the sound almost all but serene if not for the lengthy pause between his words. Your master inhales, as though to continue his words, yet he only sighs, “I am afraid that is as much as I can disclose for now, it is not my place to tell what he does not wish to be revealed.”
Just as you think to pry just a little further, Hana’s voice echoes from beyond the closed doors, asking for your presence. There is a concern tinging her words, and judging by the pattering of rushed footsteps, this was a matter that required your immediate and utmost earnest attention. 
“Master, I must apologise but…” Your eyes glance between him and the door, chest tightening ever so slightly as blood rushes through your veins. 
Seimei merely shakes his head, an assuaging expression on his face as he waves you off, “Do not worry about me, go ahead.”
Nodding, you rise as quickly as possible, rushing off as you are swiftly carted off to the issue. The white haired man remains in his seated position, taking in the scent of his tea as he closes his eyes. He hears the silence of the wind, with neither bird song nor liveliness of existence. Seimei finishes the rest of his tea, herbal and heady fragrance greeting his senses for the last time before he places it down alongside your abandoned cup. 
He takes a breath, not bothering to open his eyes as he speaks, “Uncle, I know you are there.”
From beyond the door and announcing his entrance through soft clicks, a masked man deigns to show his face as he lowers his fan. With his lips almost permanently lifted in mirth, the scarlet markings that painted his mask aided with the unease that your master suddenly feels creeping onto his spine. He is unfamiliar with this sensation, especially from the man before him. 
“Seimei, its been a long time,” The old fox croons, insouciant tinge to his voice. 
Without missing a beat, your master finds a new urgency within him, “What are your intentions with my disciple?”
“We have yet to see each other after so long and this is your first question for me?” Tamamo hums, an unexplainable expression on his jade white face. His fan taps against his jaw in a rhythmic manner, voice much more playful and recondite than Seimei would have liked, “She called out and I responded, nothing more, nothing less.”
“If you have any malintention upon her, I fear I may have to take action.”
Not quite a threat, for even he is unable to deny their relationship, but more so a warning. This tension between the two of them has an unspoken depth, one that had existed long before this clandestine reunion, and with Seimei’s admittedly almost obvious concern for your wellbeing, it only seems to sour so. 
The old fox smiles, and the younger finds that he does not enjoy the way those golden eyes seem to shine with burning regard from beyond the mask. Tamamo only muses, yet despite the airy nature of his voice, behind his lilt was a zealous avariciousness, “I promise you, no harm shall befall her so long as I am by her side.”
❀⊱┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄⊰❀
なくやあるらん
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For all that the froglets incident was worth, a situation that had been more so confusing and hysterical for the regional townspeople than any life-threatening catastrophe as you had been led to believe, it was only a mild inconvenience. A few dozen little frogs dressed to appear as great yokais were merely wandering around and acting as if they were the spirits themselves, of course they had also been imbued with some kind of ability that allowed them to recreate such acts, but it was still not some matter that would raze the whole of Heian-Kyo. 
Still, that had not meant you expected to return to your abode with said froglets nipping at your heels ready to make themselves useful. 
“Master…” At a loss for words, Momo could only cock her head at the image before her. 
Rather than being seated at your desk pouring over documents, you were instead making yourself quite busy with some leisurely reading while the froglets dedicate themselves to stacking your books in an order only they seemed to know. 
“It’s okay, they are not causing any issue,” You smile, an amused huff escaping your nose when your eyes drift to Susabi Frog balancing on top of Ichimokuren Frog as it just barely pushes a star chart into place, “I am just keeping them busy.”
Turning your attention back to Momo, you place down your book as you roll your shoulders back, the vertebrae in your spine not quite as sore. “Did you have something for me to look at?”
“Ubume asked whether you wanted to join us for lunch or have us eat with you.” Her voice is slightly hesitant, just one step away from wavering. 
It feels like instinct at this point, you rest your head upon your palm and squeeze your eyes in delight. If you had to be honest, you did quite miss being able to have meals with your shikigamis, always some lively affair and certainly occuring far too sparsely for your liking.
“It has been some time since we all sat down together and ate, has it not?”
She nods her head, a hopeful expression on her face as her eyes widen in mock innocence, “Mhm! So will you?”
You laugh, shaking your head as you get up and dust your clothes. An excitement fills her as the little blooms in her hair burst open, grabbing your arm and all but dragging you out. Turning a glance to the froglets, you wave them over and they come scampering to your side at the first notice, almost all too excited to follow along. They clamour in the occasional croak or ribbit, asking about this and that. More akin to children, you wonder when that sentiment started. 
By the time you arrive in your courtyard, it is all but a wonderfully teeming gathering, noise filling your ears in a manner that only served to coax your heart from its tight cage. Seeing them like this, you are happy that you get to have such a sight, living free from suffering and safe, that was the most important point, that they were safe. 
“I see you all are in good spirits,” You hum, an announcement that is swiftly followed by a symphony of ‘Master’s’. 
Some of the younger shikigami immediately leap from their seats to your side, to which you only greet them with on overfond smile and a pat on the head. Those busy with serving food or handing out cutlery likewise greet you, not quite able to pull themselves away from their tasks but still sending a smile or a wave. Momo is quick to join everyone else, flitting between chatting and aiding. Ootengu had busied himself with scooping soup while Hana had been floating around ensuring everyone had some kind of meal, leaving one person notably uninvolved. 
“Little lady,” The old yokai calls for you, resting his head on his palm as a smile plays on his lips. Sitting beneath the plum blossom tree, he almost looks like the subject of a great painting under falling petals and soft sunlight. Just the view of such makes you almost afraid to approach him, yet still you do so. You are unable to tell exactly whether his levity is real, but you can only assume so by his leisurely tone, “Have the froglets been helping you?”
Glancing at the frogs now being babied by the rest of your shikigami, a notion you did not think they would take up so fast, you only laugh, “They are very earnest, thank you.”
Silence falls upon the two of you and for a moment, it truly does feel that all is right in the world. There is little discomfort in your body, joints no longer cracking at every minute action nor head pounding at every little stimulus that dared to exist. The smell of sweet flowers and delightful aroma of proper food fills the air, and you yearn for nothing more than these days to continue on. 
Those froglets, troublesome at first though they may, had ended up being a kind of blessing. For ever since their attempted marauding, you have had little, if any issues that required your action. You spend your days reading and writing, responding to correspondence and finally able to focus on your studies. 
It is while reminiscing that Tamamo’s silvery words reach your ears, pleasant and coaxing. 
“These few weeks have been rather peaceful, don’t you think?” He tilts his head to the side, meeting your gaze in a single move. 
You squeeze your eyes again, a soft sigh escaping you as a smile tugs at your lips, “It has, I can finally get to some marriage proposals I had apparently recieved.”
For a moment, just the slightest second late, you thought the old fox’s expression darkened. Yet just as quickly as it came, it left, and he simply continues on. His eagerness almost resembles that of those older ladies, that crooning voice asking for more and more, ready to give advice you never thought you would need, older yokais surely were no different than mortals. 
“Oh? And who is the lucky fellow?” His nails, scarlet and far longer than you remember, clasp around his fan. 
“Just another onmyoji, he isn’t from the big name clans that sent their pathetic excuse they call letters,” You sigh, then hold your hands up in clarification, as though to correct yourself from your perceived distate, “Which is good, less likely to be some bigoted oaf.”
Tamamo merely hums, snapping open his fan to hide the bottom of his face, yet there was an odd wry tinge to his words, “How intriguing, our little lady seems to be quite popular to attract even onmyojis from the big clans.”
“Don’t flatter me, they just want to find someone they can continue their bloodlines with.”
Rolling your eyes, an acerbic grin appears on your face as you take a drink from the teacup one of the froglets brought over. Just like those old ladies, he places a hand on your shoulder and with an assuaging tone, a sense of warm reassurance is poured into your being. 
“Well, you won’t have to worry. I’m certain you will have no trouble.”
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またまたも, みをぞすてつる
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Kiyohara Genjirou, a practicing onmyoji that had sought you out not only for his pursuit of the craft but admiration as well. So he cited in his first correspondence, and so you would like to believe. 
As he wrote to you, you found him an eloquent and diligent man. Genjirou, though not hailing from a noble family nor considered talented enough to join a major clan, wandered through the country aiding when he could. All he had were paper dolls and simple talisman, yet that was all he needed. He had heard tales from those whose qualms you have solved, and had grown curious of your being. It was natural, yet this natural curiosity had grown to longing when he caught a glimpse of you in the city. 
The image he described of you had seem otherworldly when you first read it, donned in simple robes and merely another face among the crowd, his eyes had no choice but to follow along your form, entirely unable to pull away from you. As if sent down from the high heavens, even the slightest whisper of your voice had made him understand why men should turn to religion. 
You thought of him less fondly, perhaps not an infatuation such as his but an interest nonetheless. He had only sent two letters, the first that had been introductory and more similar to polite courtesy, the second much more personal and akin to courting. Still, you had been touched by his words, further still when you read the last portion. He would make the journey to your estate, to meet you and to perhaps, if you would allow him the chance to, to court you. 
It was by no means a demand, but rather a suggestion. Genjirou had gone so far as to write that should you not find him appealing in any manner, that should you deem him overstepping, you were in every right to have him kicked out and his hair cut short. 
You remember showing Tamamo the letter, surrounded by the froglets as he read from behind your shoulder. You told him that you would like to meet such a staunch person, and perhaps at the time, you had laughed alongside him when he said that should Genjirou truly act as he feared, then it would not be humiliation that he would bear. There was nothing to worry for, all you had to do was await his arrival. 
Yet, despite his staid words and his solemn promises, he never came. 
Under the moonlight and through the cold night wind, you can only let out a soft sigh. Your shoulders slump beneath your robes as all of a sudden, your body feels too heavy for your feet. Leaning against the wooden pillars of the front gate, that familiar tightness in your chest returns once more. Yet rather than what feels like your ribs enclosing onto your rapidly beating heart, what occurs to you now is more akin to that sentimental organ squeezing against its cage, yearning to pry straight through to leap out and wither away. Your lungs long for air, forcing in and out and yet it is not enough, never enough. 
It is cold, so, so cold. Why were you cold?
Closing your eyes, you feel a presence approach from behind you, then a hand pulls you away from your resting spot. You lay against a warm body, that even through layers and layers of silk and brocade, you do not even have to open your eyes to know who it is. 
“Tamamo,” Your murmur disappears into the night, yet it is a call that he hears and responds to. 
With your limp limbs that which hang uselessly, the old fox gathers you into his embrace, allowing you to bury your face into his chest. “I thought he was different…”
Methodical and rhythmic, his chest rises and lowers, coaxing your breath to follow suite. Within his hold, there is a warmth that penetrates the skin, enveloping your tendons in loving flame. Tightly held and tightly received, Tamamo lets you dig your nails into him, until your fingertips ache and your wrists cramp up. He merely returns the sentiment, as though it was entirely natural to do so. 
“Will you be honest with me?” 
As though ashamed to even consider such a thought an option, you can barely muster your voice to above a whisper, “Do you think I’m a disappointment to my master?”
“Of course not, my little lady is very accomplished,” He croons, his voice soft and soothing. “Do you think I would have answered your call otherwise?”
Still enveloped in his presence, you inhale the familiar smell that clings to him. When he speaks to you as such, it truly does feel like all will be right in this world. Desiring nothing more than to keep you safe, this old fox you had once shrinked from has now become your only succour. How fast you had let him in your heart, that he should treat you with the same regard and care you do the rest of your shikigami, and you would become so easily reliant on what he may give you. Ironic, yet undeniably a notion you had grown aware of since his arrival. 
“Besides, he is rather foolish to give up on you,” He sighs, an undertone distantly related to triumph hidden beneath assuage and fondness. 
That graceful hand cups your face, reverent as though bearing a great treasure. Your eyes flutter open, and it is then you notice that he is no longer wearing his mask, presenting that exquisite face once hidden to you. Narrow eyes of beguiling gold with long lashes, lips that more appeared as delicate petals. No matter the scarlet markings painted upon his skin, it is no wonder that men should turn to fanaticism in the face of such sublimity. You can only stare in awe, how warm your ears flush and how heat roils in your stomach upon the sonorous hum of his voice. 
“You deserve much, much better than a human who only knows to lie to you.”
Lying on the beaten dirt path, Kiyohara Genjirou will be buried in an unmarked grave, neither name nor profession known to those who will find him. For all that remains of this unwitting suitor is the stench of smoke and shrivelled corpse, caught too soon in a fox’s tempestuous favour and left to burn in the same blazing rancour that once threatened to engulf the tranquil capital. 
❀⊱┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄⊰❀
なつむしの, なほあきたらぬ
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Being a good onmyoji is not difficult, it is not some arduous task to respect and love your shikigami, to treat them as one would dear friends and family. Yet, a shikigami that has only lost and lost, when given a second chance to make it all right, what then happens to that good onmyoji is very often known only to those hidden away.
Your master, when he had learned of the events that transpired had taken it with nothing more than a furrowed brow and a sharp exhale. Before he left, he had gifted you a talisman and instructed you to hang it in your room, to which you did. Yet, that very day, it had gone missing from your door. You had no unease at it, after all, he had given you hundreds of protection talismans, what difference was one going missing?
You on the other hand, had come to realise many things about your emotions with the arrival of both dismay and prolonged peace. That old fox who has done nothing but inexplicably care for you, with no explanation nor clarification. It had come out of nowhere, that quiet wistfulness and longing glances, you nearly thought yourself mad yet it was true. Torturing yourself with what could only possibly be, one could only imagine the joy that filled you when you had to do nothing but wait just a little longer, and even that foolish wish should come to be. 
Cicadas sing in the distant night, your lover has long retired for the night and lays atop the bed, what you may see now is but his most true form, masks and disguises left at the door. Vulpine ears atop his head along with nine full tails, he once again scoops you into his embrace as even his tails move to cover you. 
“Cold…” You only whine, squirming closer as though you could crawl into his skin. 
Tamamo only huffs in amusement, no sign of actual vexation, and pulls you in closer. The increased contact brings burning touch falling upon your skin, the old fox noses along some invisible line at your neck, his lips pressing a kiss upon your pulse. He coaxes a sigh from your throat, soft and airy and almost all too practiced. Wholeheartedly embracing the fervid greed within him, you think you feel the prick of sharp canines against tender skin, yet you could care less. 
In nothing more than your sleeping robes, luxurious clothes stripped off, legs entangled and limbs intertwined. To an unwitting observer, it would be difficult to discern whose form was whose, so thoroughly ensnared fox and human may as well be one body.
With neither onmyoji nor spirit to separate the two of you, and in this little delusion, not even the heavens will seize you from his side. He has ensured it, he shall see to it that the one he loves will never bear such suffering ever again. 
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こひをたのみて
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umbralaether · 7 months
Text
You’re better than him, Astarion.
Her words ring in his ears long after she’d said them, but even they couldn’t cast away the dark feelings lingering in his mind.
He hadn’t left their shared room since Cazador’s death. He should be celebrating, maybe, or at least rejoicing in the fact his master was dead and gone— never to hunt him again. Instead, he found a heaviness that refused to leave his limbs, his own psyche weighing him down.
Ah, I see you found yourself a little pet. Or is it a snack? Peculiar choice, regardless.
He thinks of the first time he drank from her, how he’d almost gone too far in his bloodlust. How she woke weak and pale—a hard feat with her dark skin—yet continued to push herself beyond her limits. He thinks of the times she’d bruised from his fangs, how he had manipulated her into his orbit in the first place.
He had done that, and Cazador’s words dig deeper into his chest. Only a someone truly evil could do what he’s done. Once a monster, always a monster.
He doesn’t hear her come in, still staring at the ceiling, but he feels her sit on the bed beside him. She says nothing, taking off her boots and outer clothes. Her scent fills the room, refueling the dull ache in his body and he briefly wonders how many days have passed since he last fed.
Not that it mattered, he would refuse to use her like that ever again.
“Astarion,” his name coming from her mouth is a gift, and yet it stings. She should hate him, or at least be disgusted. Not soft, and gentle and loving.
“Please, look at me.”
He just wants to rot, lay in this dark room until he crumbles to dust. She would be better off, anyway, without a leech at her side. She could have a real life.
“What can I do? I’m begging you, love, please don’t push me away.”
“Go, Ceruli. You deserve better than a parasite.” His voice was rough from disuse, and when he finally looks her way, her face—that godsdamn beautiful face— looks at him as if he’d just slapped her.
Good one, he thinks miserably.
“Do you feel better, getting that off your chest?” She always was quick to regain her composure, “Because I have a few counter arguments.”
He says nothing, and goes back to staring at the ceiling.
“Parasites don’t ask permission, first of all. They just show up and take. That’s not you, no matter what Cazador said.” She moves closer to him, legs tucked under her and her warmth radiating, “I love you. I made a choice to love you, and I won’t stop loving you just because you believe you’re unworthy.”
He feels tears forming, and closes his eyes to keep them from falling.
“If I have to remind you everyday how much you mean to me, I will. I’ll make a list of everything I love about you, engrave it in stone forevermore.” She reaches for him, her hand cupping his cheek, thumb moving back and forth rhythmically. Her signature loving gesture.
A dam breaks, and suddenly he’s pulling her to him. He all but crushes her to him, arms wrapped tightly around her, face buried in her chest— her heart beats steadily, an endless comfort.
Sobs wrack his body; all the guilt, shame, and grief bleeding from him after decades of forming a shell around them. He clings to her, desperate for her touch, her warmth, after refusing her touch for who knows how many days.
She gives it without hesitation. Fingers running through his unkempt hair, down his back. Kisses peppered along his hairline, his temples, his forehead. Anywhere she can reach. She murmurs sweet nothings to him, the kindest of words and just when he feels as though he’ll crumble from her love, she says a name he has not heard in centuries.
“My sweet, shining star.”
It’s like the world spins to a stop. He peers up at her, “What did you say?”
“Your name. In elvish, it means ‘little star’. Or at least I think it does, I’m not fluent but…”
He chokes out a quiet laugh, “You, my love, are incredible.”
He closes the small gap between them with a kiss, reveling once again in the taste of her mouth, her skin. He trails them down her face, along her jaw, then her throat. He hovers over her pulse point, hesitating.
Her hand cups his face again, “Go on, love. You’ll feel better if you feed. Please don’t torture yourself anymore.”
His resolve breaks. He would do anything for her, after all. He sinks his teeth in, and the ecstasy of her blood in his mouth has him groaning with pleasure. He drinks until she stops him, and he kisses all along her face afterwards.
“Thank you, my lovely gem.” He feels lighter, the weight of all his baggage finally dissolving, albeit slowly, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Always, my star. I’m not going anywhere.”
They stay there, holding each other, neither one willing to let go first.
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milf-harrington · 9 months
Text
the overwhelming feeling of being watched in the dark
steddie | 2.3K | read on ao3
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There was something under Steve Harrington’s bed. 
It hadn’t always been there– once upon a time, there’d been nothing but empty space between the bed-frame and the dark blue carpet lining his bedroom floor. Once upon a time, he’d sleep sprawled across his bed like it was bigger than it was, arms and legs dangling over the sides carelessly, no thoughts spared towards monsters that could be watching through the gap in the closet door. 
No thoughts spared towards monsters at all.
Until three years ago, when he found out one had apparently been running around in the woods behind his house. Of course, he found out about that little tidbit of information after he’d fought the thing off with a baseball bat that Jonathan Byers had stuck nails in. 
Curiously, in November of 1983, Steve developed a troublesome fear of lights.
After the shitshow at the Byers house, he couldn’t stand the quiet buzzing of the bulbs or the way adrenaline gripped his throat every time too many appliances made the lights pulse. Lights flipped on, or off , without warning threw him into fight or flight mode, one hand reaching for a weapon that wasn’t there. 
So instead he kept the lights off as often as he could, relearning the shape of his house in the dark, right up until Halloween of 1984. 
1984 brought junkyards, traversing an underground maze while concussed, and the chittering screech of dogs-that-weren’t-dogs. His hallway at night became a winding tunnel with the potential to fill with writhing, faceless, bodies whose heads peeled open like some sort of fucked up banana, and suddenly lights didn’t seem so bad. 
And then, like the universe just couldn’t help itself, 1985 left him with blood in his eyes and drugs in his blood and the chilling understanding that some very bad people had some very sensitive information about him and his friends. 
By his 4th brush with death-by-alternate-dimension, his new fear of the dark had become a downright hassle. Embarrassing and impossible to logic his way out of.
Steve was frozen in the doorway of his bedroom, watching Eddie take his rings off. He did this thing where he'd poke his top lip with the tip of his tongue, concentrating hard on twisting each bit of jewellery off before reaching forward to drop it onto Steve's fancy writing desk. They clattered against the wood, ringing sharply when they skimmed each other, and Steve was trying very hard to focus on all of that and not the sight of Eddie’s ankles exposed to the underside of his bed. 
A grown man could fit under there and Steve knew that because sometimes he hid under his bed when the world was too much. 
Eddie looked over his shoulders, eyebrow cocked somewhat playfully. He was always some level of playful, like he didn't know how to exist in the world without turning it into a game. “You planning on standing there all night?”
Steve’s eyes dropped from his face to the space between the carpet and the bed-frame. A man could fit under there. Someone who knew his name and had his keys because his pockets had been emptied when he and Robin had been captured. 
He swallowed, trying to ignore it, and looked back to find that Eddie’s expression had softened into something else. Something concerned. “Stevie?”
There’s someone under the bed , he wanted to say. Even if the logic wasn’t foolproof, the connection had already been made in his head and there was no thinking his way out of it. Someone could fit under there, so someone had fit under there and now if Steve turned off the light they were both going to die. 
He glanced at the light switch, sitting innocently by his shoulder, and a cold panic coiled tight in his stomach. 
“You can keep the light on.” Eddie offered, gently, fiddling with his hair. “I’m not going to judge you man, I’ve needed the bathroom light on since I was a kid. And after the shit you’ve seen?” He blew air through his lips, cutting a hand through the air. 
And Steve knew that, had been there on some of those nights. The ones where Eddie kept his bedroom door open because sometimes the kid that still existed in his brain got scared of things that hadn’t happened in over a decade. 
But it didn’t work the same for Steve. After so many years of not being afraid, of having no reason to be, he still found it almost impossible to sleep without total darkness. Like the damaged part of his brain was ringing alarm bells, but the older bits still recognised the safety in the shadows.
“It’s not that.” Steve admitted, crossing his arms over his chest and feeling childish. There’s someone under the bed, he wanted to say. Could feel the words squeezing his throat like tails and vines and the hands trying to hurt. If I turn the lights off I don’t know what will happen.
God, his bat was under there– the one with the nails driven through it, crooked and rusted with old blood. Whoever was under there probably already had their hands wrapped around it, waiting for the cover of dark to use it.
There were lots of things under Steve’s bed. They weren’t always there at the same time, but the possibility of them was burned into the wooden slats holding his mattress up.
The Soviets had known his full name. 
There was a lot you could find out just by knowing something like that, especially with a name like Harrington in a town like Hawkins. And yeah, Starcourt had burned down, half the base blown up, but there had been survivors because some of them had dragged Hopper off to Russia. 
Which means there were still people out there who might know his name.
Most of Steve’s nightmares were set in that base. 
Eddie was looking more worried the longer Steve went without saying anything, just standing next to the light switch and not doing anything. He bit the inside of his cheek, cracking the knuckles on one hand to assure his friend that he wasn’t being Vecna’d or anything.
He should check.
He’d probably look like a fucking weirdo but there was something under the fucking bed and there would be until he could make sure there wasn’t. It was a reckless sort of certainty that burned through his stomach, tight and cold around his throat. 
---
read the rest on ao3 'cause i didn't wanna post the full thing on here
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heyidkyay · 5 months
Text
And I'm petrified of being alone, now |
Part Ten
Matty Healy x reader
Summary: She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine.
What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way? 
Authors Note: It was in the drafts and it's been a while so I thought I'd post. Might not hear from me for a bit though after this, so I hope you like the next part. Thank you for all the love on this one.
Masterlist
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A warm bout of light filtered into the bedroom through a small gap in the curtains. It gave the space a sepia feel, tinting the light bedding and walls a warm hazel colour. Creating a haze of skittering beams above me.
It wasn't much, the room. It simply held the necessities I thought I needed seeing as I didn't spend too much of my time in it, other than when I needed to dress or sleep. I’ve really had too many other things occupying my time during the past few years that have kept me from worrying over the state of it.
There was a rickety old dresser, which sat in the far corner and had been something I'd picked up during my time at uni. Student accommodation had been lacking and so Finn had decided, quite early on I might add, that it would be in our best interest to find ourselves some cheap furniture to fill it with.
In truth, we’d actually had to lug the pesky thing all the way down a dual-carriageway and across a roundabout, after having spotted it advertised in the window of our local offy. It held a good few memories though, like when the pair of us had jumped up onto it at the first sight of an eight-legged pal, or the time I’d walked in to find him getting railed over its top.
Then there was the large mahogany wardrobe that had been purchased from a wholesaler not very long after I had finally gotten a newly born Teddy settled into the tiny flat I'd rented out in Hackney. 
It had been cramped, what with the bathroom having been the size of a broom cupboard and the only bedroom having led straight into our ‘fun-sized’ kitchen. But we'd made it work. In fact, it had practically been a Godsend during those nightly feeds- six steps and I’d been right by the cooker!
The wardrobe had been a much needed purchase though, and one of the first things I had bought solely for myself since I’d moved out of mam’s.
Then there was the side table, sat next to the one edge of my bed that hadn't been backed into a wall, which held a reading light, a three wicked candle and a couple of novels with folded and refolded receipts sticking out the sides as page markers.
I had garnered quite the collection of books, I could admit, all of which seemed to line up haphazardly on the opposite wall. I tended to smile whenever I caught sight of its heavy shelves, a reminder of all the havoc that had gone into them whilst putting them up. It had taken me three whole days, and even though they were still a tad lopsided, I still gazed upon them in pride.
A woeful plant burdened my windowsill, a slither of its olive coloured pot barely seen from behind the billowing beige curtains. Whilst cushions sat in disarray across the hardwood floor below, having been tossed every which way the night previous.
There were dirty clothes in the hamper by the half-opened door and a basket of clean, partially folded, washing in a chair sitting beside the wardrobe. 
The room wasn't completely tidy, but not a tip either.
Humming groggily to myself, I began to stir from the deep sleep I’d lost myself in and used the ball of my palm to rub tiredly at my eye just as a furrowed line creased between my brows. 
It was far too quiet, I deemed, and must've been later than usual too because Teddy normally had us both up long before the crack arse of dawn. So I sniffed once and then went to turn over, just to check the time as I always did, but couldn't stop the way I stilled completely at the sight that greeted me.
Because in bed, right beside me, laid another body. One hidden deep beneath the weighted duvet and my favoured blanket, but a body nonetheless. 
Shit.
It appeared in the remaining foggy haze of last night, I had quite simply forgotten about the man I'd invited back home. And into my bed, it seemed. As well as the ill-timed events that had led up to it, too. 
My breath hitched when the man suddenly moved in his sleep and I did my very fucking best not to express any of my thoughts or feelings outwardly. Desperate not to actually rouse the sleeper. 
Instead, I inhaled. Once, then twice. Before finally, I gathered enough courage and strength to slowly inch myself all the way down to the very end of the bed. Mindful not to drag the duvet down with me.
Once I was standing- still fully clothed, I might tack on (thank you to small miracles!)- I allowed myself a second to just peer down and admire the dark, curling locks that now sprawled across my pale pillowcase. As well as the slither of skin which poked out from beneath the bed sheets. 
In all honesty, I couldn't actually recall the last time I'd shared my space like this, so freely it almost felt effortless.
Quickly though, I blinked myself out of those sorts of thoughts and took another, much needed, deep breath. The flat was still as quiet as it had been a moment prior, but I was careful to tread incredibly lightly when I turned to grab the nearest set of clean clothes. Then, cautiously, I started to tiptoe my way out of the bedroom.
Standing in the hallway, with a wooden door now planted firmly between me and my overnight guest, I threw my head back in silent ire. Questioning just how, why! I had gotten myself into a situation this stress inducing, a situation I had not been in since my days at uni. I could only  just begin to imagine how this would all pan out once everyone was finally wide awake and Teddy had-
Oh God, Teddy!
It was painfully embarrassing to admit that I had just about worked myself into a right state before it finally hit me that Teddy was, in fact, still with Finn. At his flat, not even ten minutes away, and not down the hall, sleeping in the same space as a fucking strange bloke he’d never even set eyes on.
So with that anxiety riddled train of thought now settled, I found that I was ultimately calmer and took a deep breath before resolving to head off to the loo before anything else happened to occur. Or before I sent myself into another full blown panic attack.
I wandered down the rest of the hall into the bathroom and went about my business before stripping out of last night’s clothes. I couldn't stop myself from wincing at the laddered tights I’d since tugged off, those which would surely have to go straight in the bin, and then stepped into a pair of well-worn joggers as well as a newer jumper I’d found during the early summer sales.
It was a long and thoughtful process that had me deciding that I should start on a pot of tea, because if I couldn't sneak my way out of this entire affair via the front door, then tea would simply have to do. Us Brits, hey?
But first, I needed to find my phone.
The thing wasn't too hard to locate. I found it lying on the kitchen counter when I walked in, charging, and did my best to recall the events of the previous night as I puttered around to fill the kettle.
There had been the phone call.
Then Finn taking Teddy.
The tube ride to the bar.
Ronan... As well as everyone else.
And then, Matty had appeared out of nowhere and turned my entire sodding night on its head.
"Christ." I heard myself grumble under my breath, feeling as though I had aged an entire year in a single night.
The hangover I was now supposed to be nursing was teetering around the edges of my mind, a headache oncoming I reckoned seeing as though my shock had hit it clean off onto the verge upon waking up. But still, I found myself rubbing at my temples for a brief second before splaying my palms out on the cold counter in an attempt to calm my brewing emotions.
"Could tell you a few ways to reach him, but I don't reckon he's the sort to make house calls..."
I startled at the sound of the unexpected voice and snapped my head straight up to find Matty standing in the doorway to my kitchen. The man had apparently foregone trousers, choosing instead to make up for the lack of material on his bottom half with a pair of thick socks and an oversized jumper I knew had been draped across my dresser only moments earlier. 
I couldn't find it in himself to complain though, not that I would've. Matty looked far too indecent standing there, morning light illuminating his milky skin and shadowing his already dark, tousled hair, watching me through bleary eyes.
"Sorry, did I wake you?" Is what I chose to reply with, heartbeat still a little erratic, pulsing in the curve of my throat. I reached a hand up to tug on an earring, the other arm moving to wrap its way around my torso.
Matty’s lip quirked upwards when he stepped further into the room, just as the kettle whistled away to a boil.
"You're alright." He waved off, and shook his head lightly as he made his way over to where two mugs had since been placed on the counter. Two mugs I’d put down without much thought as to whether or not he was sticking around long enough for a brew.
Still, I hadn’t needed to fret over it, seeing as I was forced to watch on as Matty brewed the tea himself; popping a tea bag into each cup and steeping them in hot water. He then cocked a questioning brow in my direction which startled me into motion.
"Sugar’s in the tin.” I told him softly, pointing in its direction, “You'll have to make do with skimmed milk though I'm afraid, got none of that oat shit."
Matty snorted in retort and crossed the floor to open the fridge, looking almost too at home in my austere, little kitchen. Especially when the jumper he wore rid high enough up his thighs to expose the edging of his tight, black boxers.
I looked away.
"Might be a bigshot, babe, but a decent cuppa means actual milk." Matty tutted, paying no mind to the homage of colourful drawings on my fridge door as it rattled shut, and then returned to his station to pour an ungodly amount of milk into one mug. He hovered the bottle over the other.
"Just a splash, please. No sugar." I told him quietly and he hummed in turn, stirring methodically before he fished the teabags out and into the bin.
I took my mug rather cautiously once Matty had picked up his own and taken perch on top of my countertop, feeling a bout of unease at seeing the singer so comfortable in my humble home. What must he think of it all?
I tried not to stress anymore than I already had and took a small sip instead, looking at the way the man opposite fiddled with the old school radio that resided on the closest shelf. It was something I'd brought along with me from back home, it had belonged to one of my grandfathers, I wasn't sure which, but it tended to soothe me whenever I cooked in the late evenings, or during the long nights when Teddy was up all hours. 
The warm tea soothed my dry throat and eased some of that tension I still had coiled in the line of my shoulders, enough so that I felt the need to start up another conversation just to fill the lingering silence.
My tongue darted out to wet my bottom lip and then I cleared my throat, cradling the hot mug in my hands.
"So, about last night..."
I was overall quite surprised to see the way Matty's entire mood immediately shifted upon hearing my opener. His lethargic demeanour- mostly down to having just woken up- stiffened entirely and sharpened his tired eyes and soft lips.
"Last night." Parroted Matty, voice low and tinged with a slight rasp that I hadn't paid much attention to a minute ago. It held power, though toneless. 
I paused, if only for a moment to weigh my next words. It was important that Matty understood that last night had been a bit of an overreaction on my part, that I’d misstepped whilst drunk, and not something other. I couldn’t deal with any of that right now, if ever. No one needed to know the extent of what had gone down.
"Ronan, he's... well, he's just always been a bit protective."
Matty stared back at me, his face utterly blank. Enough so that I actually startled slightly when he scoffed. It was a loud sound that echoed off the tiles, before his jaw set sternly and his narrowed eyes met my own. “Hang on, you're actually choosing to defend that dickhead?" 
I blinked in return, gaping in truth, at the realisation that I’d completely forgotten the fact that I'd explained much of what had happened, drunkenly, to Matty on the cab ride home. The same journey which had ended with not only Matty escorting me up to my front door but me also inviting him inside. 
Couldn’t he have just been a gentleman and declined? Left me to choke on my own sick and perhaps allow me to die with the little dignity I’d had left?
It wasn't anything like most would've probably imagined though, the whole me asking him up thing, that much I knew. My intentions hadn't been anywhere near illustrious and I certainly hadn't set out to lure the illusive singer into my bed. I’d merely wanted some company after all that had happened that night is all, scared to be alone with the guilt, even.
Which was honestly a first for me. It had always been so much easier for me to just deal with my many thoughts and complicated emotions alone, behind closed doors and far, far from judgement. 
It seemed that the alcohol had addled my mind slightly.
I couldn’t help the sigh I gave then, nor the way I curled up further into the wooden chair I’d since sat in.
"No, just-"
Matty scoffed again, this time cutting me off completely. "Well, it sounds as though you are, darling."
I went to argue but found I couldn't- not that Matty gave me much of an opportunity to though. No, the man simply stampeded on, didn’t he?
Were all rock stars this pigheaded?
"I mean, for fucks sake, Mouse! What were you thinking? I've met my fair share of arseholes but he was no doubt one of the biggest, toed right in line beside me when I was off my face, in truth. He was so fucking arrogant, controlling and- moody! My God, he was a downright moody prick, too. And those were just my thoughts before seeing the aftermath of what went down at the end of the night!” 
He shook his head vehemently.
"And protective, really Squeaks? I'm sorry to say this, babe, honest I am, but you might need a reality check, mate. He was downright possessive. Glaring at you the entire night only to try and stake his claim the second you were alone."
I gritted my teeth, unhappy with the way Matty had portrayed everything.
"He's a friend!" I tried to defend but Matty, who had since quietly settled his mug down in spite of his obvious anger, jumped off the counter and stepped forward.
"More like deranged!" He spat back, "I saw you! I was fucking there! I had to look into your eyes, see the blinding panic, the fear. Don't tell me that he's a friend, not when he caused a reaction like that. I mean, you can be intimidating when you want to be- all sweet like, subdued, and intelligent. You're all these fascinating things rolled up into one oversized jumper, and yet, you let someone like him walk all over you? Treat you like you're his property or something." He scoffed once more, shaking his head like he couldn’t believe the words he was having to spew.
I stared long and hard into his dark eyes before I couldn't stand to any longer, instead I turned away to blow out an unsteady breath.
Matty was right, I knew that much, alright? But it didn't mean I had to enjoy having to admit to that. Having someone else in on a secret I’d kept for so long, one I hadn't even realised I’d been keeping, not really. It all just felt like a little too much to be dealing with all at once and so early in the morning to boot. Because in actuality, I didn't want to face up to the fact that I had actually allowed someone to treat me that way. To know that other people had finally been a witness to it. Seen me that weak.
I had vowed long ago to never let another person put me in such a state of vulnerability. But here I was, a-fucking-gain.
I heard Matty sigh before socked feet dragged closer and I felt a gentle hand come to rest at the bow of my elbow. He sighed again, softer this time though, when I only continued to stare resolutely out of the kitchen window.
"I'm sorry for blowing my top, yeah? I just- it annoys me, to see you wash your hands of it so easily. As though you believed what he'd done was okay."
I swallowed thickly.
"You deserve better than that, okay?" Matty added.
I had to glance up at the ceiling to blink away the mist in my eyes, but did finally dip my head in silent acknowledgement, pulling away slightly so that I could take a moment to gather myself.
Matty didn't move when I crossed the kitchen floor to riffle through my cupboards, rooted to the ground almost, but he was spurred into action only a few seconds later.
I’d just placed a carton of eggs on the side and moved to turn on the hob when the old radio stuttered to a start. It let that silence I so hated fade away, and gave me the kick I needed to carry on.
"How'd you like your eggs?" I asked, and felt more than saw Matty’s relieved smile. He just had a way of taking up all the space in a room, as though he were its own gravitational pull and everyone else just had to be aware of his every cue. 
I hid my own, however tiny smile, as best I could.
"Fried. Got any bacon?"
And just like that, things evened out and our 'talk' was seemingly long forgotten. To be honest, I actually got so caught up in the normality of it all, the radio playing, the sidestepping, the easy smiles, that I completely forgot about the world around us. Everyone else that lived beyond these four walls.
It was just as we’d finished up eating and Matty had jumped up to grab our plates, that a familiar alert sounded. I glanced away and was reminded that life had in fact continued on without us.
I hurried over to where my phone was still sat on the side and worried at my lower lip when I saw the many notifications which lined the dimming screen. The newest was from Finn.
Messages now Finnleyyy Awake yet drunkard? Got a little man here ready to head home, well fed and only a little dirty!
It was instantaneous the way my gaze darted up to where Matty was now standing by the sink, only a tad surprised to find him making an attempt at the washing up. He must've felt my eyes on him though because he turned to flash me a grin over his right shoulder a second later. I tried my best to smile back, but the thought of Teddy meeting Matty, and of Matty meeting Teddy... just didn't sit quite well with me.
My thumbs flew their way across the screen to type up a speedy reply. 
Messages now Just woke up Sort of got a visitor? And before you start, no it wasn't like that, but I promise to tell you more when you get here Can you give me half hour??
It was only a little embarrassing, having to mention my overnight guest, especially whilst knowing it was the same man Finn had been blatantly teasing me about these past few weeks, but I really didn't want to have these two parts of my life crossover. Not right now.
With everything I understood about Matty and his past, I had to be certain that he was the kind of person I wanted my son to be around. The kind of person my son was safe to be around. And I was nowhere near sure where I currently was on that scale.
Matty was unreliable. His job had him everywhere and nowhere at once, up all hours of the day, and on a bus most months out of the year. That was something I really had to consider here. 
Because I really was just trying to be brutally honest with myself. No matter how genuine Matty might've seemed in his recent efforts, I also knew that he was bound to get bored of our dubious friendship sooner or later, and that Teddy tended to get rather attached quite quickly. And I wouldn't stand by and watch my son get hurt when Matty finally chose to walk away. It was tough, him only having so few people constantly around, I wished so greatly that I could give him the big family I’d always dreamed of, but new people always had me so weary.
I breathed out a quiet sigh of relief when Finn finally messaged back giving me the okay, as well as the expected hard time.
Messages now Finnleyyy Ah I'll be sure to rinse you of every detail, you lazy sod! And Teds will be fine, we'll stop off at the park on our way over
Matty popped up right beside me then, just as I exited my messages, and I was merely thankful that I'd managed to avoid him seeing anything that could have led to questions. In an attempt to both evade and act casual, I scrolled down further to see who else had texted. 
"Anything interesting?"
I blinked up at him, mouth now suddenly agape, then to my screen, then back up at him.
"Erm, you might want to see this." I told Matty as I all but threw my mobile into his hands. 
The Sun 07:34 HOTHEAD HEALY IS BACK AND MAKING HEADLINES WITH DARK HAIRED BEAUTY
MTV 08:02 MATTY HEALY SPOTTED AT LONDON BAR WITH NEW FLING!
The Mirror 08:11 A WILD NIGHT OUT ON THE TOWN FOR 1975 SINGER AND FRIENDS TURNS SOUR
In all the new texts I’d gotten Jamie had been the one to send the first few articles, but one seemingly spiralled into another, like a spider spinning its deceitful web.
Matty’s sudden bout of boisterous laughter startled me though, the sound so unexpected, and I shot a hasty look over to find an amused smile dancing on his lips whilst he shook his head.
"Erm," I attempted, but stopped there when I realised I didn't quite have the words, or rather no actual clue on what to say.
"Same old story." Matty told me, shrugging it off as though him being pictured simply standing next to Indra, the friend of a friend from last night, in a crowded bar was enough to warrant such a spectacle.
"But you barely said two words to her!" I retorted when Matty handed me back my phone, surprised by his utter nonchalance.
He only shrugged again! "All publicity's good publicity, and all that crap. Besides, I know the truth, the people who matter know the truth," He dipped his chin over at me then for some reason, "And so does she. They'll find something, or someone else, to hound soon enough."
"What, so it really doesn't bother you then? Being made out to be this person you're not."
"A slag, you mean?" Matty teased as a mischievous smile limned his lips. 
Tutting, I could only roll my eyes at him before I forced myself to my feet and wandered over to the sink. The bigshot singer made an abrupt noise of indignation when he realised that I really did intend to redo all of his hard work.
"Oi, I already did those!"
I couldn’t hide my smirk as I rinsed the plates off properly, honestly glad for the distraction. "And you did quite well, what with it being your first try."
Matty scowled halfheartedly, but I took note of the faint blush that flushed the back of his neck. Seemed like I wasn't too far off in my assumption.
"So, what did Jamie have to say about it all then?" Matty quipped, swiftly changing the subject.
I let him have it, not saying a word more on the topic before I went to dry my hands. "What I think you mean to ask is, why did he text me?"
"Well, yeah." Matty replied with another single shoulder shrug, "How did he even know that we were together?"
"Made a good guess?" I supplied simply when I found that I didn't really have the answer to that particular question. 
But privately, I reckoned that maybe Jamie hadn't realised that Matty and I had been together at all. I hadn't been photographed in any articles, from what I'd seen at least, and neither me nor Matty had had any contact with him until right now. 
Maybe Jamie had just wanted to let me in on what was happening, on the know, perhaps he'd wanted someone to rant or share his frustrations with. It wouldn't have been the first time. 
So I made a mental note to message him again later, when Matty was long gone and I had time to stew on all of this.
"Enough about him anyway, what are you up to today?" Matty asked me as he jumped backup into the counter. I consciously avoided looking at the way his thighs pressed against the granite, the tattoos that marked the length of his skin.
"Apart from bleaching your arse off of my countertops?" I snarked back and snorted when Matty merely wiggled his arse in retort, "I've got a couple of things to sort today."
"Work things?"
I hummed my general assent but avoided meeting Matty’s eye, not wanting to outright lie. I really did have plans though, plans to waste the day away with Teddy, grab a late lunch, and maybe head off to the cinema to watch that new superhero film he'd been yapping on about for the past two weeks. Only, I couldn't tell any of that to Matty.
"What about you?" I asked instead (always so polite!) as I went about the kitchen, clearing away what remained of our cooking session. I'd rather get the majority done now, than fret over it later.
"Not much." Matty mumbled as he ran a fingertip along the edge of a nearby cupboard, kicking his feet up when I swept past. "Avoid Jamie, dodge a couple calls, maybe meet up with some friends. Think Ross got the new FIFA, so might bug him for a bit."
I hummed around a small smile, returning the dry cutlery back to its rightful drawer, "That Danny guy?"
Matty flashed me a knowing smile. "Mayhaps."
"Mayhaps?" I mimicked, shooting him a questioning brow.
"It's a combination of words, Squeaks. Emphasises the meaning!"
I snorted. "I'm sure."
Matty chuckled quietly to himself before he finally pushed himself off of my kitchen side and back onto his feet. "Well, I'd best get out of your hair then. Leave you to do your important work and what not."
I faked a sigh of evident relief and dodged the swat he aimed at my arm, grinning as I rounded a table chair.
"Don't act like you won't miss my Godlike presence, darling." Matty looked down his nose at me mockingly as he made his way over to the doorway.
A belly laugh bubbled up out of me upon hearing that and Matty all but lit up at the sound. "Godlike? Wow, it's nice to know that fame really does get to some people’s heads."
Matty cut his eyes at me and with a mirthful smile, flipped me off. "Dick. I'm just gonna head up and get changed. That alright?"
I dipped my head, feigning wiping down the table before I glanced up to watch him walk away, finding my smile never faltering even after Matty had disappeared from sight.
It wasn't too long later when he popped back up again though, all dressed up in a pair of expensive boots and the tight trousers he'd been wearing last night. I didn’t miss the flash of my jumper that had been hidden somewhere behind the zip of his jacket though, but I didn’t say anything, pleased that he’d taken a liking to it. 
Looking at him, it didn't even seem as though he'd been out drinking all night, or that he'd just rolled out of the bed of some other. He looked rather lovely like this, still a tad bit sleepy- it was all in the crook of his smile, you see- and soft.
"Well, I'd best be off then." Matty announced from where he was now stood idling waiting in the hallway. 
I propped myself up against the bannister and found myself wearing an amused smile, drinking him in. "Best be."
He grinned back over at me and just when it felt as though he was about to reach out, he stuffed one hand into his jacket pocket and pointed at me with the other. "I'll text you later, yeah? So make sure to actually reply this time, all right?"
Rather dramatically, I blew out a large breath and crossed my arms over the ball that sat atop the bannister’s wooden beam. "Seems like a hard task..."
I laughed when Matty shot me a particularly nasty glare, but relented.
"I'll be waiting on your many messages, my dear." I corrected, doing my best to feign the doting wife sending her husband off to war, even going as far as to clutch at my jumper in a pained goodbye.
"You’d better." Matty smirked and when I took a step away from the staircase, he decided to take that as his leave.
Though it was just as he was halfway out the front door that he paused and turned back to chance a glance at me, ring clad fingers toying with the latch on the inside lock. 
"We might've dropped the subject but, just know, if I ever see that ginger prick near you again I will put my fist through his face hard enough that he'll be shitting out my rings." And with that Matty dipped his chin at me once and let the door swing shut behind him.
I wasn’t ashamed to say that I stood there in the silence that encompassed the house for a very long moment, before my lips finally quirked upwards and I let myself laugh. 
It seemed that everyone was right, Matty Healy truly did have a way with words. Only, the wrong kind.
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mondaymelon · 1 year
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meet me backstage.♡ (6reeze x gn!reader)
(written handcanon style with aether, xiao, venti, kazuha, heizou, and wanderer)
(a/n) this took me so long so im praying it doesnt flop (人´口`)
total wordcount - 3,382! (extra long since i wasnt able to post yesterday)
˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚
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aether ♡
aether, or better known as starbound✩, is someone you've known for a long time, even before his debut as an idol.
you know his potential better than anyone, so it's no shock to you when his popularity skyrockets, and he's even able to form a band named 6reeze. But as he gains more and more fame, with shows, practice rehearsals, vocal and dance coaching, board meetings, tours, and fan meet-n-greets filling up any free space in his schedule, suddenly, you conversations and hangouts grow scarce.
so you're ecstatic when he invites you to one of his shows even gifting you vip front row tickets.
you've never actually been to one of his performances before, mostly because aether shoots it down each time, mumbling something about how it's "embarrassing beyond belief," his face and tips of his ears flushed red each time you bring it up.
you don't catch a wink of sleep the night before the show - too busy preparing all the fanmerch you've so lovingly compiled.
in the morning, you're blown away of how many people are gathered at the entrance, and by noon the crowd has just about settled into their concert seats - yours being in the very front row.
the performance blows you away - every part of it is immaculate. all of their moves are fluid and rhythmic, but still, aether is the one that stands out to you the most.
the way his golden hair whips back and forth as he moves, the way his eyes light up when he spots you in the crowd, the way his smooth voice rings out from the stage, and the way his face is flushed from effort as he dances to the beat. then, he extends his hand outward, blowing a kiss to the crowd, and about half of the audience squeals with excitement and swoons dramatically. and then, so subtle you almost miss it, he locks eyes with you and mouths silently, "meet me backstage."
and when you do, glancing around the rooms for any sight of the blonde man, something, or rather, someone, pulls you in, grabbing you gently by the wrist and pushing it against the wall. you're barely able to register aether's familiar golden hair and eyes before he leans forward, closing the gap between the two of you, his hot breath fanning your face as he presses his lips against yours. and just for a moment, everything fades away until the only thing you can see before you and the only thing you can feel is him. and only him.
"that kiss was for the crowd. this one was for you, sweetheart.♡"
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xiao ♡
alatus was his stage name.
and he was cold to you, but that wasn't really a surprise to anyone. he was cold to many and all. and it wasn't like it bothered you, either. you were glad to know him.
so when you heard that the indifferent, unapproachable xiao was an idol, and in a group no less, it was utterly shocking. you just couldn't picture the male on a stage, dancing to pop music and sending crowds of fangirls swooning.
...okay, maybe you could imagine the last part. even you would admit that xiao was handsome. dark, silky smooth hair with startling teal highlights and honey-like amber eyes... it would just about sway anyone's resolve, not excluding yours.
as for your relationship with the man, the two of you had been classmates for years, and over that time you had grown pretty close to him, or at least, you'd like to think. you still kept in touch with him, and xiao occasionally invited you out to dinner or to come over, but it had been a while since the last invite. from what he had told you, his schedule had gotten a lot busier. it was a shame.
after a moment of thinking, you come to a brilliant idea - you'll attend xiao's next performance and surprise him! just imagining the shocked look on his face immediately brightens your mood.
so when you do settle in your front row seats, waving your glowing teal lightsticks, and xiao finally turns around and spots you, he does a complete double-take. his mouth hangs slightly open and his golden eyes widen by just a fraction, and you can see his confusion slowly spread across his face.
"what are you doing here??" he mouths to you frantically.
you just grin at him and cheer louder.
"ugh... you- meet me backstage after this."
that's what he had said. so why wasn't he here?? you had searched all the rooms up and down, bumping into several assistants on the way who sent you disapproving glances, yet you had yet to catch sight of the dark-haired male. you let out a long sigh, slumping your shoulders and preparing to give up when a low whispering of "over here." came from the closed door right across from you.
with a moment of hesitation, you swung open the door, only for someone to tug you inside and shut the door behind you, enveloping the room in darkness. through the faint light that filtered through the window, you could see the figure of xiao, his hand holding yours as he scowled at you.
"you surprised me, you know. i almost messed up my choreography."
"ah... sorry... it's just that we haven't been able to talk for a while and i was hoping that-"
something cut you off. but it wasn't xiao's voice, it was the sensation of his lips against yours, sending sparks flying across your skin. heart racing in your chest, you shoved him away, hands pushing against his chest. you glanced up at the man, trembling. "what- what was that for??"
"i had to shut you up somehow, didn't i♡ ?"
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venti ♡
you're venti's roommate - so in short, you're his babysitter. and there's no end to the trouble he causes.
there were many a time where he would come home absolutely wasted, reeking of alcohol and red in the face as he stumbled around, usually waving an empty wine bottle about.
still, he kept up on work on his idol side of life. his stage name was barbatos, but his band members all deftly called him tone-deaf bard. for his group, 6reeze, he was one of the songwriters and the main vocalist. and his voice was no joke, it really was astounding. his vocal range was stellar and his voice was smooth - not to mention that he was always on key. so... yes. as reckless as he may be, venti still had his work going for him.
so when he finally invites you out to accompany him on one of his tours, you steadily agree, curious on how they’ll perform.
and you’re not disappointed.
their concert blows you away, the bright colors and shining lights, the stage effect and the wonderful choreography - everything is incredible, and you can feel your heart racing just looking at them, just hearing venti’s melodic voice singing out the lyrics that you’ve already memorized.
“fly you away, riding the day
open up your heart, darling
you’re a work of art~
and you’ll never have to be alone
cause we’re standing with you
just ring my number on your cell phone,
let’s raise our voices in song, yeah!”
maybe you’re imagining it, but you swear you can feel a gust of wind inside the stadium, blowing past you as venti continues to sing, the lyrics ringing out clearly. then, he twirls in a circle, sending the crowd a winking grin. as he meets eyes with you, he mouths you the words “meet me backstage after this~!” before sticking his tongue out and finishing the choreography.
following the rushing crowd outside, where they’re hoping to get one of 6reeze’s autographs, you instead head into the stage rooms, stepping inside and spotting the twin-braided man sitting on one of the tables, absent-mindingly spinning a pen around while kicking his legs back and forth. as he spots you, he drops his pen, teal eyes lighting up as he hops off the table and grips you into a hug.
“hehe, thanks for coming today!”
“it’s no problem at all. the performance was really good. i’m impressed.”
“then… if i did so well, can i have a little reward in return?”
“uhm… what do you-”
something warm presses against your face - venti, and you can feel your heart hammering in your chest as he leans forward and kisses you, grinning his usual carefree grin all the while, a light red dusting his face. it’s warm, unbelievably so, and you can feel the heat spreading across your body like wildfire. when he finally pulls way, he smiles at you.
“that was what i meant♡.”
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kazuha ♡
kazuha had a way with words.
every syllable that left his mouth was elegantly phrased, the way the letters rolled off his tongue with such ease, and the way his voice just sent a wave of calm washing over you was almost addicting.
so when your closest friend became an idol named wanderai, a mix between the word wandering and samurai, you immediately decided to be one of his biggest fans. you frequently sent him fan letters, signing your name as "anon", always gushing about how flawless his movements and singing is, completely entranced. and he did respond, always sending you back small thank you’s and his polite gratitude. as courteous as he replies were, receiving his letters always made your day. scratch that, your entire week.
then you heard there would be a fan meet-n-greet after the next concert - so of course you had to attend! you sat through the entire performance, completely allured by kazuha's fluid dance movements throughout all of the songs and his rhyming verses. when its finally over, you try to rush ahead of the crowd, knowing full well that there will be a swarm of fangirls who will shove and push and... bite to get a earlier spot in line. it had happened before.
yet, despite your efforts, you aren't able to get the first spot in line, or any of the first spots. instead, you're stuck in the back, thirty-ish place or so. it's not that bad, per say, but you had wanted to get to meet your favorite idol before he lost too much steam from having to answer hundreds of ravenous fans. it would have to do.
when you finally reach the front of the line, he smiles up at you politely, giving you a little wave from where he's sitting. "hello there."
"hey, wanderai! uhm..." you give him a letter - your piece of mail that you've prepared just for this moment. "i'm anon. thanks for... well, you know, existing, i guess." you stop there, already awkward. "a-anyways- i'm sure there's a lot of people behind me, so i'll save you the time and-"
"you're... anon??" the male's eyes widen as he takes the envelope, freezing his movements. he glances up to you, almost unbelievably, and just blinks.
"ah... yeah, that's me. didn't expect me to be here, did you?"
kazuha smiled, shaking his head. "it's a pleasant surprise. actually, after this..." he makes a gesturing motion, ushering you in, and lean forward as he whispers into your ear, "once i'm done with this, meet me backstage. please, wait for me."
"of course! then... i'll take my leave. th-thank you!" you dash away, face flushed red from the close contact, hoping that you didn't come off as too... fanatic.
and you wait. it takes a while, but that's too be expected. it's only been about half an hour, a lot shorter than you had predicted, when the white-haired male peeks inside the room, smiling when he spots you. "you're here."
"well, you told me to wait, so..." you laugh nervously, still blushing from the memory of kazuha's whispering voice gracing your ear. shaking your head, you grinned. "so, what was it that you wanted?"
"this."
then he moves in, his soft lips pressing against the side of your flushed face, his own expression quite red himself. he pulls away as quickly as he comes, glancing down at the ground as his face burns. "wh-what-" you can feel your heart rate increasing to rapid levels as you just stand there, eyes wide and trembling.
"that was a thank you, anon. for being by my side for all of this time♡."
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heizou ♡
heizou is a clever man, even when he doesn't try.
and he's smart enough to hide his identity from you, especially since he knows that you'll completely lose your mind if you ever do find out. and it's only a matter of time until you find out that he's actually shiki, part of the world-famous boyband 6reeze. he's been lucky enough already that you aren't that much of an avid idol fanatic.
the two of you are sitting in the main room, one of his arms lazily across your shoulders as the two of you watch the television. heizou has a day off, and what better way to spend it than by doing absolutely nothing with his favorite person?
that's when everything just goes wrong.
you're bored at the constant torrent of ads, so you grab the remote from off the coffee table and start browsing through the channels, casually trying to find something better to watch. as you surf through the endless options, a familiar head of wine red catches your eye.
heizou spots it too, and immediately cringes, hoping you haven't seen it, but it's already too late. you glance at him, then at the tv screen where it's showing a close up of his face. "heizou... are you... did you commit some crime and is this your mugshot??"
"ah- well-" the usually level-headed man is trying his best to keep in his laughter at your absolutely confused expression. "it's not like that-"
"...heizou. you can be honest. tell me. am i harboring a criminal right now???" you turn the tv volume down - thank the archons - and turn to stare at the man with blown eyes.
"listen... they just are... interviewing me. for something." heizou's hammering heart had started to go down, thank the archons yet again, yet he was still a little red in the face and blinking a little faster than normal - all things that you noted silently.
"reaaalllyyy?" you sent the man a questioning look. turning up the tv volume again, the news interviewers voices were loud and clear.
"now then, shiki, how has this idol career affected your life?"
heizou watched in horror as he saw himself laugh slightly on the screen. "well, it's certainly made many things more awkward and embarrassing when meeting up with friends and family... but for the most part, it's been really rewarding! especially being able to meet so many great people, and by that i mean, my wonderful bandmates, of course!"
"oh? embarrassing, you say?"
"yeah. they always tease me about it too, but its always fun to meet up with them afterwards backstage. they sometimes even bring me flowers or snacks."
you turned off the tv, watching the monitor blink into black. you just sat there, hand on the remote and not moving. a gradual silence settled over the two of you. "...why, heizou? why didn't you tell me...? i would've helped you any way i could've!"
"...love. it's not like that. i just... i just didn't want to make things more awkward between us. i promise."
"how do i know you aren't just lying to me again?"
"then will this help convince you?"
and just like that, he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you to his embrace as he meets his mouth to yours. he catches you by surprise, even surprising himself.
thump. thump. thump.
the motion seemed to lift you up into the air and drop you somewhere high above the clouds, all you could feel was indescribable warmth and you could feel your face burn under his soft touch.
"h-heizou...!"
"is that enough of a reason to trust me one more time♡ ?"
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wanderer ♡
as a good friend of all of 6reeze, you've also gotten to be pretty close with scaramouche. or, at least, that was what you called him.
if you really had to, you would call him kuni, or maybe even wanderer. but to you, kuni had always been scaramouche. the man had been part of a past idol group that he had quit a while back, and just recently had he joined 6reeze, where he had been named wanderer. yet to you, as a devoted follower of his past band, and himself, you still couldn't bring yourself to not think of him as scaramouche.
having only woken up seconds ago, you bring the constant ringing of your phone, which is buzzing away on your nightstand, to your attention.
"...hello?" you pick up the call, voice still groggy.
"what's up with you? just woken up?" scaramouche's usual tone of voice greets you. you can tell he's sneering just from the sound of it.
"...yeah, actually. half a minute ago."
"...it's two. in the afternoon."
"okay, and?"
"...you're hopeless. i was going to invite you to one of my concerts, but..." you could hear him shrug on the other side of the call, the sound of fabric rustling. "i'm not sure if i want to anymore."
you hastily sit upright, pulling on whatever you can find from your wardrobe before speedily making yourself as presentable as possible. "nono, i'm awake! it was a joke. IT WAS A JOKE!!"
you can hear the man scoff. "fine. here. i'll send the digital tickets your way. it's tonight. don't miss it." with that, he hangs up.
it takes you a while to get things prepared, and its almost already time when you do. quickly gathering up your things, you're able to make it to the concert hall in time to give the male a little wave before he heads onstage.
he acts like he doesn't see you, but that farce crumbles when he just scowls, embarrassed, before mouthing, "meet me backstage after."
so you do.
after the show passes, the event containing several songs that all shared a similar theme. maybe it was because white day was coming up, but there were a surprising amount of… well, love songs. romance. it wasn't in scaramouche's nature, or you should say wanderer's, to sing those kinds of songs. you were already shocked enough that he had agreed. needless to say, the concert was flawless, and the audience seemed to think so too, wildly cheering and screaming out their favorite members' names. it was almost entertaining to watch.
"heeellooo? anybody there?" you peer about the empty rooms, wondering if your conscious has failed you. maybe scaramouche hadn't told you to go backstage after? maybe your brain just imagined it and was playing tricks on you?
those thoughts all dissipated as you rounded a corner and spotted the man sitting at one of the round tables. as his violet eyes landed on you, he let a small half-smile crack across his face. "it seems that our late contender has finally made it. took you long enough."
"hey!" he always acted like this, and it seemed that today, as lucky as it was, was not an exception. "nevermind that- why did you want me to come here again?"
"ah-" the boy suddenly looked a lot more... shy? that was not a typical sight. "i-i actually have something for you."
"oh?" now you were interested. this was not a normal occurrence by any means.
"here." he reached into his bag, which was sitting on the table, and pulled out a small wrapped box. "don't expect anything big, okay? i just got it because i... felt like it." with that, he handed you the box and watched you unwrap it with a nervous expression.
"it's a... necklace?" you stared in amazement as you held the pendant up to the light, watching the tear-drop shaped sapphire and amethyst shard glimmer with a thousand colors.
"do you like it?"
"more than anything." you smile, placing it around your neck and securing the locking chain in the back. "does it look good on me?"
"you don't even have to ask to know my answer, idiot♡."
masterlist ✩
@lume-nosity come get your kazuha and xiao ♡
@dizzy-sekai oh hey its your husband✩
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