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marcsburnerphone · 5 months

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Wish to make up

Captain John price x f!reader

Summary:being johns’ wife has been full of security and safety and you never thought he’d be the one to taint that.

Warnings: angst,(hurt/comfort, 141 task force loves you, price is full of guilt, reader is struggling to process her feelings, they makeup

Finally a part three.

——————-

You woke with heavy arms draped around your waist. The memory of falling asleep is nonexistent just like your want to continue to lay here. You’re frustrated and still deprived of sleep and it’s all because of the man laying happily beside you. With dainty hands you carefully lift his arm and slip out of bed setting it right beside him. Tip toeing out of the bedroom without waking him was light work, what wouldn’t be light work is getting into your car and driving to your best friend's house which also happened to be Gaz’s sister. Were you making this a bigger deal than what it should be, maybe? But are you going to manipulate yourself into acting like it doesn’t hurt, no? Time and space is what your mind was chanting. Maybe that’s what it would take cause he apologized already, even left base to do so but still that icky feeling that sticks to your heart like honey is becoming like a second tissue. With keys in your hand and house slippers on, you make your way to the door confident that you’ll be fast enough.

“Where are you going?” Confidence isn’t always key.

“I- I um I’m going to lanes.” You say turning to face him at the end of the hallway.

“Why?” It’s blunt and laced with pure confusion.

“Cause I want to.” Your eyebrows creased at the obvious answer.

“You never leave when I come home.” His eyes don’t look away from yours for a second, you're actually not even sure if he’s blinked in the past two awkward minutes.

“Well John, the circumstances on this arrival are very different.” He hums in response waiting for you to say more but when you don’t he continues.

“What can I do?” He asks exasperated.

“What?” It’s your turn to return that same energy.

“I'm not sure what I can do further than apologize and come home to show you I’m truly sorry for my actions so now I’m asking what more can I do?” He looks more slouchy than usual, actually than ever John usually holds his head high and his shoulder back right now he just looks tired.

“I just need some space John and time cause I too don’t know what you can do.” Those words shred him apart. He finally looks away and to the side door that leads into the patio.

“Just a little till I calm down or something.” You're trying to make it sound a little less heavy.

“Or something? So should I leave then.” He’s anxiously chewing on his lower lip, something you’ve cursed him for in the past.

“If you’d like but this is your home also.” He laughs and it’s absent of humor.

“How long?” He asks.

“How long?” You return his question confused.

“How much time and space are you asking of me?”

“I’m not sure?” Truthfully you weren’t.

“For fucks sake my love.” He whispers and it’s killing him.

“We’ve just never been in this position before so it’s new and confusing and I’m angry but I love you but it hurts and it’s so unlike you to make me feel this way so I’m sorry but this is the consequence of your own actions and I won’t be the one to apologize, now can you please move your car cause I’ve just noticed your blocking me in.” You couldn’t have even left if you wanted. Oh does god have his ways of working.

He silently walks past you grabbing his keys off the rack by the door and swiftly gets into his car, starting it and backs up signaling for you to exit. You’re now sitting in your car starting it wondering if this is how you should be handling this. But nonetheless you leave and he pulls into your spot. When you get home you figure then you’ll have your thoughts pulled together and you’ll work it out like you know you can.

———-

“Lane but you don’t understand he yelled at me like I wasn’t his wife or any respected person.” It’s been an entire hour of you crying then getting angry at the whole situation again to your poor friend.

“And has he ever done it before in the past three-four years?” Her eyebrow is raised but her tone is soft.

“No but that’s not the point; he's done it now.” The sass in your tone makes her smile.

“Did he apologize?”

“Yes.” You say bluntly.

“So you're punishing him for losing his cool, which he is wrong for but then he apologized and if I remember this right he also came to apologize in person and he’s never done this before.” She’s simply stating facts.

“Well when you put it like that.” You whisper looking out of the open window.

“You're not looking at the bigger picture. I’ve been married, divorced and now remarried. And what I’ve learned from it is love and marriage is a gift but hard fucking work.”

“You had a first husband?” You ask surprised.

“Yeah ages before Dan, his name was Lucas and he was my first love. He was an angry man though I was always doing something wrong in his eyes and all hell broke loose when he was upset. I don’t think he ever once apologized for it though, I did though every single time.” You can tell but the creases between her brows still hurt from it.

“I’m so sorry.” Your worries probably look so stupid in her eyes.

“Dan and I have gotten into it before and it was his fault, something similar to your situation. I had accidentally spilled coffee on his work desk one late night when I brought it to him, it soiled some papers and he lost it. I worried that I was dating Lucas number two till I saw the look in his eyes when all was said and done. He looked devastated, I mean absolutely torn. He apologized immediately and cleaned up the mess he apologizes to this day for it. Sometimes all people can do is apologize because words can’t be taken back but trust can be rebuilt and we love them so much that forgiveness is the only option to moving forward.”

You hum and smile at her warm gaze that’s now laid upon you.

“Do you ever get scared he’ll do it again?”

“No and even if he does I know his heart. We’re human for Christ's sake. I've also said some hurtful things to him when I was stressed. But we know each other and don’t take it in vain.”

The pause in silence is carried in like a warm breeze as you sit and let her words soak in.

“Now if John does it again I’ll kick his ass.” It’s sincere.

You laugh with your entire being at that cause Lane has always kept her word.

“Well in that case I guess I can forgive him.”

“He loves you darling. I’ve known John Price since Gaz first introduced me to him maybe 8 years ago and that man has never looked at or loved someone as gently as he loves you.”

“Was I foolish to make such a big deal out of it?”

She laughs

“No, I cried for a whole night non stop when Dan yelled at me and that whole night he was the one to hold and comfort me. I even told him to just leave to pack up and go but he stayed and was patient and caring and that’s when I knew that man is my forever.”

“John held me this evening while I slept. He actually didn��t want me to leave but still moved his car when I asked so I could go.”

“That man wouldn’t stop you from doing what you wanted even if it’d hurt him.”

“I should go home now, Thankyou for listening to me. I'll come by tomorrow and tell you how it went.”

“Okay honey you get home safe.”

————

On the drive home you just let yourself think. Think of all the times you’ve given John attitude and even the time you’d called him a stupid wanker when he accidentally threw your expensive facial cream that he’d bought away and how he’d taken it with a grain of salt and got you a new one. How the one time you’d scraped the side of his brand new truck and cried to him while explaining what happened and he’d laughed and gotten it repainted the next morning. You’d thought about how so perfect your husband has been, so perfect that you forgot he could be human.

When you pulled into the driveway your heart dropped at the sight of his empty Parking spot. Had he really left? I mean sure your invitation to stay wasn’t so welcoming.

You put your car in park and cried. Cried at how he hurt you and did the only thing he could which was apologize then you cried at how he left all because you basically implied that that is what you wanted and cried about how much you just wanted him to hold you now.

Your car got too cold to sit in so you made your way to the door and inside, unsurprisingly John turned the heater on for you. A cup of tea would surely soothe the hurt.

You sat at the kitchen island sipping from the mug you’d hoped would cure the heavy feeling in your chest. He didn’t even leave a note or a text but then again you told him you needed space.

Lost in thought your forehead pressed to the cold counter, tears slipping mindlessly from your eyes the sound of keys jangling by the door made your head perk up.

Heavy footsteps made their way towards the kitchen when no other than your husband walked in carrying two grocery bags.

“John.” You blinked so heavily relieved at the sight of him.

“Jesus love you scared me.” He doesn’t jump or give any indication that you’d scared him other than the words.

“You didn’t leave.” Your bottom lip quivers and you beg for the tears to stay in your eyeballs.

“Have I ever left without saying goodbye?” He says, setting the bags down and slowly approaching you with caution and softly cupping your face.

You said no more and leant into his strong chest. His arms immediately wrapped around you pulling you in tight. A sigh of relief escaped his lips as a warm scruffy kiss was planted on your temple.

After what felt like forever you parted from him and looked silently into his eyes.

“My love I’m desperately sorry, I’ll say it for the rest of our lives if that’s what it takes I just-”

“I know.” You cut him off and caress his cheek lightly as he turns his head planting a kiss to your palm.

“You don’t have to forgive me.” He assures you.

You pull him towards you urging him to kiss you. He complies with no complaints and when your lips meet it's like every speck of worry in this universe fades to none.

“Lane has a way with words I can assume, just like her brother.” John mutters when you pull apart. You laugh and lean your head onto his chest just a bit below his heart listening to the soothing rhythm of it. He sways the two of you side to side and somehow he makes it feel like the earth spins just for you

——————

The holidays have been rough and oh god am I exhausted but nonetheless I can’t Thankyou enough for reading, commenting and showing me an unbelievable amount of support my heart is with you guys.

Comments and reposts are always appreciated <3

@floffytofu @fictionallifestuff

#captain price x female reader #angst #john price #barry sloane #captain john price #john price x reader #kyle gaz garrick #task force 141 #captain price #call of duty #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish

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lilithgreye · 2 months

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MY SCARY STALKER EXPERIENCES

⟢ from a 8h venus, 11h mars, 7h pluto, 8h chiron, and lilith in 1h person ⟣

note: only fake names are used

i have attracted an insane amount of stalkers in my life because of these placements. also if not stalkers just ppl that obsessed with me in general and that won’t leave me alone even when i ask them to. there’s been lots of guys that i’ve rejected but still continue to pursue me and it doesn’t stop at men because women have prayed on my downfall also and tried to one up me every time they saw me succeed or hurt me because they saw i succeeded in anything as well. here are a few stories i have to tell (out of many):

stalker #1: august

this was one of my worst stalkers

i met august in the seventh grade at my bus stop. he seemed very shy and innocent at first. not creepy at all. he asked for my number the first day he met me so i said “sure, why not?” as i had just moved to a new neighborhood and wanted friends. i was always very busy with school and my siblings (my parents didn’t have time to raise them so i did it mostly by myself) so whenever he texted i would try to answer the best i could but i usually didn’t have time. the first time he started being obsessive was when he facetimed me a total of 33 times because i wouldn’t answer him. then shit got way worse. the next day he came to the bus stop he was already there before me and we were there alone. he pulled out a pocket knife to show me that his dad bought it for him. he then made a so called joke saying “i could technically kill u right now if i wanted to”. obviously this scared me. even if he was kidding why do so many men say things like that? this is when it gets scary though. i would go on nightly runs every day after school. mind u i lived in a very safe gated neighborhood and there wasn’t much crime where i lived at the time. i was running past a bush when i got jump scared because i could see someone’s eyes watching me. i carried pepper spray with me at the time but that was it. i got it out and peered around the bush but by the time i had done that the person had already gone into the forest behind the bush and ran off. i got really scared so i ran home only to later that night hear someone outside my window. i opened my blinds a bit to see who it was and they got down really quick to hide so i couldn’t. i got scared so i told my dad and he went outside to check. sure enough .. it was august. my dad told him not to do that and to leave our property. the next day august asks why my dad made such a big deal out of it and i said “because it’s creepy” and i thought this was when he realized i was most definitely not interested in him but then he proceeded to ask me out. i of course say “no i don’t have feelings for u like that” and he proceeds to say in a very serious tone “if u don’t go out with me i will kill u in ur sleep and u will regret it” i was hoping he was being satire but his face did not change. he did not laugh. he meant what he said. i said “if u threaten me again i will file a police report against u” and he said “ur scared then? u should be”. i was so scared to sleep after this because my room was at the very front of the house and he could easily pull out a gun and shoot through my wall or do a number of different things to me. i slept on the couch for the night and of course he begins blowing up my phone. one of his texts read “why can’t i hear u ur usually taking to ur friends on the phone or going for a run at this time?”. i block him. i then hear the doorbell ring and at the time both of my parents are not home. it’s just me, my old brother, and my two younger sisters. i scream through the door “get away from my house or i will call 911” and he screams “i will kill u before they get here if u don’t let me in”. of course i didn’t let him in. i call 911 immediately but he runs away as soon as the police sirens go off. i try to tell the police what happened but of course they dismissed it and said all i could do was ignore him and have my mom drive me to school to avoid him. he wasn’t in any of my classes luckily but he still managed to come across my path during EVERY single passing period. as i was walking out of school to ride the afternoon bus (which he had never rode before) he proceeds to follow me and say he’s riding the afternoon bus now too. he acts as if nothing has happened initially but then says “why did u block me i did nothing wrong?”. i of course sit there in shock making this 😦 face. like i’m sorry? u did NOTHING wrong? are u actually kidding me? this is when he reaches his peak obsession because when we got off of the bus he followed me home even after i screamed at him to stay away from me the whole walk there.

he continued to apologize but finally when we got there (to my house) he said “ur crazy for the way ur acting. just unblock me” and i said “absolutely not leave me alone” then he proceeded to grab me from behind and slam me to the ground. no one was around at the time but it was in broad daylight so i figured he wouldn’t do something to this degree. he did anyway. he pushed me to the ground as hard as he could and pulled my pants down trying to r*pe me. thank god for my neighbor who walked out as this was happening and rushed over to help me pushing august off of me before he could do anything bad. i told the school and he was no longer allowed to be anywhere near me and had to sit alone at lunch for a week since one of the threats he made to me was on the bus. the rest of the year my mom picked me up and dropped me off at school.

#2: rhett

this story is not as bad as others i have but still pretty bad for how young i was

rhett was my first stalker (or because we were so young i guess just the first “obsessive person” in my life. i met him all the way back in the first grade. it started with him following me everywhere. all around the playground at recess, getting mad when i partnered up with anyone but him in class, and telling me if i don’t sit with him at lunch he’ll tell on me. which does seem pretty innocent for a first grade. he seemed like he just wanted a friend initially which i didn’t mind. i thought he had pure intentions so i didn’t mind. turns out i was wrong. by the time we were in second grade he began making inappropriate comments to me that were sexual. at the time of course because i was around 7 i literally knew nothing about sex so i didn’t understand how bad what he was saying was. then things got even worse and he would non stop talk to my mom at our school parties trying to go on a “play date” with me and my mom fell for it. she forced me to hang out with him and then when he came over to my house he groped me and when i told him to stop he would not. then after i told my mom she never made me hang out with him again but it didn’t stop there because in third grade when we had different teachers he would continuously show up to my classes door every day (i assume lying to his teachers and telling them he had to go to the bathroom) and watch me through the window. it was the first time i discovered what an obsessive person was like and felt uncomfortable around a school mate

#3: lindsey

this is more about an obsessive girl than a stalker

this isn’t a long story but basically i had a crush on this guy in fifth grade who we’ll call asher and it turned out somehow (even though i wasn’t cute and was overweight at the time) he had a crush on me and liked me back. lindsey also had a crush on him (mind u i was not friends with her she only sat at my table). asher told me to keep it a secret that he liked me (most likely because i was fat and he was embarrassed idk why i even liked him but anyway) back then i was a loud mouth so i told lindsey. lindsey had shown obsession with me before like for example i remember one time she opened her camera roll in front of me and all of my instagram videos and pictures were in there. i thought it was a little weird but didn’t pay much mind to it until she copied a lot of my instagram posts captions word for word along with the same poses and this was not the only time she’d done something weird like that. anyway she proceeded to tell him during class that i told her he liked me and when i got mad she broke down crying and went on a huge rant saying “well i’m sorry that i’m not as pretty as u and that no boys like me like that and that ur so smart and have so many friends. i just was jealous of u and wanted to take it out on u i’m sorry”

this is lot even all of them either lol. i may have to make a part 2

#astrology #astrology blog #astrology chart #birth chart #astrology community #astro community #stalker #storytime

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jackteagle · 2 months

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People I’ve never met and conversations I’ve never had.

Originally I painted these in acrylic on paper back in 2009. I sold the originals long ago in a solo exhibition, a king with a lot of my early work.

My computer broke, and my back up drive also failed within the span of a week of each other, so I lost a lot of master files from my early work, with no hope of being able to rescan them.

Over the years I have licensed a great deal of my personal work to clients (it makes me really happy to see personal work really resonate with people on that level), so over time, I’ve had to learn to recreate these works digitally.

There is still a great deal of traditional process involved, where I will use a lightbox and a bottle of quink ink to get ink shapes with subtle texture to them, and then overlay them as colour separations in photoshop. The effect is a vivid, well balanced version of the original image, that retains my older style, of lighter washes or acrylic block colour.

I’m glad that I picked myself up and kept rebuilding after the initial technical problems, because it was devastating the time.

Learn from your mistakes, and keep moving forward. It’s only a failure if you don’t take something constructive away from a bad experience.

#illustration #jack teagle #painting #death #anxiety #digital artwork

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waytooinvested · 3 months

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Vengeance, Victory, and Undying Love - pt 7

Chapter 7 of my Supercorp fic in which Lena still creates something called Non Nocere to deal with her broken heart after finding out Supergirl's identity, but this time she gives the name to a different project. A more personal one. And now she’s coming for Supergirl.

This and previous chapters also available to read on Ao3

................

Kara dropped the lump of kryptonite and leapt backwards, bracing for the wave of agony and nausea she knew would follow.

A beat passed.

Her breath continued to move easily in and out of her lungs. Her blood pumped painlessly, the usual acidic burn of kryptonite in her system entirely absent.

So… it… wasn’t kryptonite?

She dared to take a tentative half step closer and peered down at the thing Lena had given her. It certainly looked like kryptonite – the all-too-familiar sickly green glow making the hairs on her arms rise in anticipation of pain, but that’s where the similarity ended.

The pain never came.

She glanced from the lump of rock to Lena and back again, waiting for her to make it make sense.

‘Lena? What is it?’

‘Pick it up, have a closer look’.

She did so, a little tentatively. Even in the face of her undeniable lack of pain, her fingers flinched away from touching it, but she forced them to wrap around the stone and lift it anyway.

It felt warm, like a pebble that had been sitting out in the sun all day, but it didn’t burn her. The sensation would have been quite pleasant if not for the nagging, instinctive fear of touching the one thing on this Earth that she knew could kill her.

She tried rising a discrete inch above the ground, just to check that this wasn’t some new more subtle variation of kryptonite that caused powerlessness without the pain. But nope, she rose smoothly. When she focused in on her super hearing she found it undiminished. There was a cat purring three floors down. Someone blowing bubblegum and allowing the bubble to burst with a snap a couple of blocks away. Lena’s heartbeat, drumming a little too rapidly for her outward calm.

‘Okay, I don’t get it. Why would you make fake kryptonite? What’s the point?’

‘I didn’t. The kryptonite is real Kara, I’ve just made you immune to it. Non Nocere. It means no harm. No harm to you. You could swallow that piece if you wanted and it wouldn’t hurt you. I wouldn’t recommend it as it’s not exactly pill sized, but you could’.

‘Oh...’

Kara’s eyes filled with tears and she choked down a sob as she took in the truth of what Lena had injected her with. How was this even possible? She had never imagined anyone, even her bright, brilliant science genius friend, could do something like this.

‘Lena I- I don’t know how to thank you. This is amazing, it’s the most incredible gift. But… why would you do this? I know how you feel about me’.

Lena laughed, half bitter, half disbelieving amusement.

‘No you don’t. You clearly have no idea how I feel about you, or you never could have done what you did to me. Kara, you have hurt me more than anyone in my life, and coming from my family that’s really saying something. But I’m not a machine, I can’t just switch off caring whether you live or die, no matter how much I might want to. Not now I know that it’s you in that cape, risking your life every other day and completely, stupidly helpless against a shiny green rock that turns up all too often for something from another planet. So, I fixed it. Kryptonite can’t hurt you anymore, so now you won’t get hurt. And that means I never have to spare a moment’s thought for you again. Do you see now? This means I’m over you’.

There was a hint of desperation in Lena’s voice, gilding the edges of what she clearly thought was a reasonable, rational explanation for what she’d just done for her.

‘Wait… what do you mean, you’re over me? When were you… under me?’

Oh god, had she really just said that?

She must have done, because Lena’s cheeks had gone as pink as hers felt and they stood there in silence for a moment, sharing a look of agonised helplessness that felt almost like they had slipped into an alternate time line where all the hurt between them had never existed, and instead this was the moment when…

Without realising she was doing it, Kara stepped closer to Lena, her eyes flicking to her mouth of their own accord.

‘Lena, I…’

Lena had cured Kara of her physical vulnerability. It was only fair that Kara gave her a gift in kind and confessed her emotional kryptonite, for Lena to do with what she would.

Her teeth raked her lower lip and she swallowed against the sudden dryness in her throat. Heart thumping she took a breath in readiness to admit her deepest, still unspoken truth and give Lena the opportunity, if she wanted, to make Kara truly feel the depths of her pain. She just had to hope that they weren’t so very far beyond saving that she was about to have her heart crushed all over again.

‘I-’

Lena broke the eye contact that had been drawing Kara inexorably closer, and the walls that divided them slammed back into place.

The moment snapped like a dry twig.

‘Well, that’s all I came for. You can keep the kryptonite if you like. Consider it a parting gift. Goodbye, Kara’.

With that, Lena turned and swept out of the apartment.

Go after her!

But Kara couldn’t. She stayed fixed to the spot, lips parted around the confession she hadn’t managed to make, kryptonite still cupped in her outstretched palm like an offering.

Had that really just happened? Had all that business in the lab really been about this? Curing Kara’s one great weakness, and framing it as revenge?

Tears flooded down her cheeks.

Oh Lena.

Of course she hadn’t really believed that Lena would try to kill her, but she had never for a moment imagined this either. Her very best case scenario had been that Lena had injected her with something inert, just to make her feel the shock and betrayal of being hurt by someone you should be able to trust completely.

But this?

It was too much to take in by herself. She didn’t care what time it was, she needed Alex.

With the kryptonite still clutched in her fist, Kara leapt skyward and went to find her sister.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘ARE YOU KIDDING ME?’

It was the fourth time Alex had said this since Kara had shaken her awake at 1am to talk through what had just happened.

The first was a sleepy grumble at being disturbed on what was supposed to be one of the few nights when she wasn’t on call at the DEO.

The second an incredulous murmur when Kara recounted her conversation with Lena.

The third followed almost immediately when, to prove that no, she really wasn’t kidding, Kara had held up the chunk of kryptonite to show her.

Alex had slapped it right out of her hand and called her a moron for touching it with her bare skin all this time, because what if it was some sort of trick? What if Lena had just found a way to add a protective coating that would wear away over time and poison her once her defences were down? Did she even consider that possibility??

And Kara had to admit that she hadn’t. Ever since Lena had told her, she hadn’t doubted the truth of her words for a moment, and she still didn’t.

Now they were at the DEO, and Alex had just finished testing both the kryptonite and Kara to confirm the veracity of Lena’s claim.

And… it was true. The kryptonite was real, and Kara was immune to it.

‘I can’t believe it. She really did cure you! It’s incredible. It’s- it’s- but then what the hell was all that about? The ominous hints, injecting you by force when you were practically unconscious, letting us lock her up and interrogate her? Wouldn’t it have been easier to just tell you up front what she was making and hand it over to you like a rational human being? Why all the fake villain business? Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful to her for making it, but this is just... ridiculous’.

‘No, I get it. If Lena had just given me the cure it would have looked like she was doing it for me. It would have been about our friendship and she doesn’t want that anymore – she didn’t want me to be grateful, so she delivered it in the worst way she could think of. This way she could make me feel the betrayal she felt when she found out I lied to her, and make it clear that although she was helping me, it was her way of ending things, not her letting me back in. I get why she did all that... What I don’t so much understand is why she would make the cure in the first place when she hates me so much’.

Alex dropped her head into her hands and groaned.

‘Kara, you know I love you but you can be the most annoying, oblivious person in the world sometimes. Are you and Lena ever going to just be normal about each other? Please? So I can get some sleep?’

‘Hey! I’m not oblivious, I’m a reporter! Noticing things is my whole thing!

...Why, what do you think is going on?’

‘I think that going to a huge amount of effort and, I assume, expense, to make someone invulnerable just so you don’t have to worry about their safety anymore is not how you express hatred’.

‘So... do you think she made it before she found out, then decided not to let it go to waste? But that doesn’t make sense. Lena and I clashed all the time when I was Supergirl, it’s part of why I never told her the truth, so I don’t see why she would have wanted to do that for her’.

‘… No Kara. That’s not what I think happened’.

‘Well then, what-?’

‘NOPE. I’m done. You’re going to have to figure this one out for yourself dingus. I’m going back to bed. DO NOT WAKE ME unless someone is dying. Goodnight’.

#supercorp fanfic #supergirl fanfiction #kara x lena #lena luthor #kara danvers #kara zor el #multi chapter fic #angst with a happy ending #this is it folks we made it #not to the end of the story but to the turning point #There will be more chapters

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xannorexxia · 3 days

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⚠️TW!! Mentions of abuse, SA, suicide and child abuse⚠️

So, I’m pretty open about my insecurities with dating, I feel like a stupid fat whale, and though I know I’m not fat (to the standards of most) and that my figure is ideal (im an hourglass and I’m quite proud of my ass tbh), I’m not the type of person who is loved, and I think it’s because I’m a whale.

I’d still be an hourglass if I lose weight, and I think it’d look better, since my ribcage is small but this fucking fat is blocking it, it still looks small, but not as small as it really is. But I’m also realizing, I don’t think I could even be honest with a partner. Like, I’ve gone through so much in my life, my mom physically, mentally, and emotionally abused me my whole life, sometimes she still does. I’m suicidal, I have bpd and I’m bipolar, I’m depressed, extremely anxious, paranoid, I have ptsd (probably from the childhood abuse and many times I’ve been SA’d) and I starve myself. Like, I’m expected to talk to someone about this?

I’m not beautiful enough to be able to be open and honest about my trauma and illnesses, it’s been proven many times. Everyone has left, I’ve been too much, I have too much going on, and being with me isn’t enough of a pay off for it to be worth it. The only person who didn’t leave me was my most recent ex, but he also pushed me out of a moving car, left me stranded in a different state (12hrs away from where I lived) and beat the shit out of me, so like,, I wish he did leave

But my relationship with him had me thinking, am I only worth being a punching bag? Am I not beautiful enough to make my problems worth dealing with? Am I not beautiful enough to not hit or hurt?

So yeah, I’m staying single until I reach my gw because like… I am not worth loving right now, and the only people who will love me, won’t actually love me, they’ll just love to hurt me lol

Sorry for the long trauma dump, I’m trying to kill time but I also have no one to talk to :3

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chaldeanu · 2 months

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cw discourse, but it’s all resolved now, i promised to make this post :>

i’ve talked with yoru earlier today (i hope it’s not impolite to use their nickname here). i really wanted to clarify the situation between us and move on in peace, and they were kind enough to chat with me and help me understand their perspective.

yes, i was inspired by their writing. while inspiration itself isn’t bad, i went overboard with it to the point that various people thought i straight up copied them. i have never done that, but i definitely based my old works on their style. this isn’t something i wanted to hide and i’m sorry for not saying it sooner. i’m constantly trying to improve and find what i want to write about, so it’s the first and the last time it happened.

if someone has a different opinion about it, it’s okay. but i wish to respect their feelings, which is most important here, and i agreed with their point of view during our conversation.

if it seemed that i speak rudely about them, then i apologise, it was my mistake for using wrong words. it was not my intention. i have never thought anything bad about them and please don’t assume that i talk shit behind their back with others. as of right now, i barely interacted with anyone from tumblr outside asks and i’m not this kind of person who gossips lies. i have no ill intent towards yoru and it really made me embarrassed when they even gave me comforting advice despite also being hurt by this situation. (thank you)

but i wish to take the full responsibility for this whole thing from a while ago. i haven’t been on tumblr for too long, i didn’t know how to act and panicked, which started this little chaos. serves me right, at least now i know better. apologies to those who were dragged into this, i didn’t mean to cause anyone distress or discomfort.

if someone blocked yoru, thinking they bullied me off tumblr or something like that, kindly unblock them. they haven’t done anything like this! my pathetically looking posts were not about them, but about not-so-nice anonymous messages in my inbox related to this situation.

to end this post, i am always willing to take my time to talk things out, so please don’t be afraid to reach out to me if you have something to discuss. i should’ve done all of this much earlier, but the stress took my braincells captive and i couldn’t deal with it right away.

and to yoru, thank you for chatting with me and staying professional. i hope you will continue to have a great time both on tumblr and in your real life :>

#—talks.#cw discourse #i’m a little scared if this time i’m using the proper words #but my intentions are genuine and i hope it’s clear

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crestoflames · 5 months

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What do you think of MC x Wayne? The devs' most favorable pairing above all the characters, in spite of Stella being the #1 popular Li. Isn't he supposed to be our otp for the main player? I know that you don't seem very fond of Wayne lately because of how he feels and treats your main Li, especially how he is going to feel about that character's unfortunate outcome in one of the bad endings involving a character's death? Also, who will you romance if you are not together with Reese? Oscar or Stella, perhaps?

gotta be honest, this feels like bait.

first off - i’m so confused by a lot of this. i don’t think the devs ever said mc x wayne was their favorite pairing, or that it was supposed to be an otp for the player character??? the way the game works is that there is no “otp” for the player character - you can choose to romance whoever you want, or no one at all; it’s all dependent on your individual playthrough.

second - i don’t really think ive said that the reason i dislike wayne is because of how he treats reese. i mean, that definitely doesn’t help, but my main beef with him is how he treats the MC. he acts like you’re an idiot who can’t make decisions for yourself (but only if you make decisions he doesn’t agree with - very controlling) and denies the MC autonomy by refusing to listen when they tell him to stop doing things, like following them around or threatening to hurt their friends (which, in the case of reese, he actually goes through with). he’s also just an asshole, and i don’t enjoy the way he talks about a lot of people and creatures.

in general, his behavior and personality remind me of creepy asshole guys i’ve had to deal with in my past, and it kind of baffles me when people try and paint him as a good guy. he’s not meant to be a good guy. i think a lot of people know that and that’s why they’re drawn to him (and i get it bc i have plenty of villains i love lol), but I’ve seen just as many people who act like it would be crazy to want to get away from Wayne and the best course of action is to let him have full control and “protect” you all the time. like, if you want that for your playthrough, that’s great, go for it. but i take umbrage with the idea that it’s an objective reality that everyone needs to accept.

now, all this is to say that i do think he’s a well written character. i like him as an antagonist and i think the devs did a great job of creating him in a way that elicits real fear. love him as a character, but despise him when i’m actually experiencing the game as MC, and when people act like I’m committing a crime by disliking him and i need to change my opinion. everyone seems to get it when you say you hate sybil, but if you say you don’t like wayne, people act like you’ve confessed to murder.

moving away from that rant, this message is just baffling in general lmao. quickly addressing most everything else - i’m fine with the concept of mc x wayne, everyone can ship what they want, it’s just not for me, and i dont want to be told that it is the “canon route/best route” and everyone should love it and choose it or whatever. ive never really talked about stella so idk where you got that i would want to romance her??? she’s one of the characters im just not attracted to bc she’s not my type. i will always choose reese in every playthrough bc i feel like im abandoning or betraying him if I don’t, but if I couldn’t choose him, I would choose oscar, followed by kaneeka.

i’m hoping this is enough to end any more questions from you, because if you come back with more bait/troll type messages, I’ll probably just block.

#anonymous #answered asks #scarlet hollow #Wayne scarlet hollow #Reese Kelly #Stella Richmond #Oscar Gutierrez #Kaneeka Forsyth #wayne critical #<- black list that tag if you don’t wanna see this #though hopefully this is my last post on the matter #i just woke up from a nap after i finished a long day of work #so i’m probably a bit more on edge than normal

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tokkias · 2 years

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Lucy, Brandish, Aquarius, and The Wasted Potential of Chapters 74 & 75 - A Meta Analysis of 100 Years Quest (sorta)

I don’t usually do these sort of posts, but I've been having a lot of thoughts about this, and strangely enough it’s giving me a lot of writers block, and I feel like I can’t get myself back to writing fics until I’ve got this out. I’m going to preface this with the fact that I love Fairy Tail, I always have, and I’m sure I always will. I acknowledge that it is far from perfect, and I generally tolerate its flaws, so this post isn’t coming from a place of hatred or malice, but from my own personal frustration with how these chapters played out, and the lost potential it had. I feel that Fairy Tail thrives upon its characters and their relationships, but the way these chapter play out, in my opinion, do a disservice to them.

Obviously, all my opinion and interpretation, feel free to disagree with anything I say, but also just know I’m not here to argue with you if you do disagree.

Chapters 74 and 75 are the Yokai Lucy vs. Natsu fight, which in theory, could have been an incredible fight and a great moment for character development for both of them, but I feel is is taken away by having Aqaurius show up.

The reason I feel this way goes all the way back to chapter 13, where Lucy and Brandish meet again for the first time since Alvarez, and we find out that Brandish is also out to find Aquarius’s key. At first I think this came as a bit of a surprise to me, but it makes sense; Lucy and Brandish are really parallels of each other, and one of the ways we see this connection is in their connection to Aquarius in relation to their mothers. It makes sense that Brandish is also looking for Aquarius’s key because much like Lucy, Aquarius is the last thing that Brandish has of her mother.

In these panels we are seeing the setup to a friendly rivalry rather than a genuine competition between the two with incredibly high stakes, even though they’re both competing for something that means a great deal to the both of them.

So why am I bringing this up? Well, when I first read this chapter, I theorised that this rivalry would somehow cumulate in Lucy either finding or retrieving Aquarius’s key first, but inevitably giving it up to Brandish, because I think, knowing what we do about Lucy, this is the most in character choice for her to make. We see in the Grand Magic Games arc when Yukino tries to give up Libra and Pices to her, that Lucy doesn’t care about having all twelve golden gate keys, but rather she cares about the happiness and feelings of the spirits. Time and time again we see that Lucy is incredibly selfless, and is willing to put others before her, regardless of if that person has wronged her in the past.

Lucy’s selflessness is not the sole (or even primary reason) that I think this is the best course of action for this plotline. Lucy goes through a lot of character development in the time since giving up Aquarius’s key. In the year between Tartaros and Alvarez, with Aquarius gone, Natsu and Happy on their journey, and Fairy Tail disbanded, for the first time in her life, Lucy is truly alone. Lonliness is something that was obviously not foreign to her, she went through a lot of it after the passing of her mother and the subsequent neglect from her father, but even then she still had Aquarius; after Tartaros, she has no one. Lucy is (somewhat) able to adjust to her new life, she throws herself into her work and her search for her guildmates, as well as trains to become the strongest that we’ve seen her up until that point. Up until this point, Lucy has always needed Aquarius for both her protection and her companionship, but with the growth that she experiences since first losing her, she no longer needs either of those things. What I think she does need, is a sense of closure, and a true goodbye to be able to truly let go and move on. When Lucy sacrifices Aquarius to summon the Celestial Spirit King, they never get that true goodbye.

Aquarius is the one who gets to thank Lucy, but in her urgency to save her friends, and utter grief at the thought of losing Aquarius, we never get to see Lucy give her goodbyes to Aquarius. Even when Aquarius shows up in chapters 468 and 469, their “goodbye” is more along the lines of a see you later.

Brandish on the other hand, does need Aquarius, much more than Lucy does, and I believe that Lucy understands that. While Lucy has long since mourned and come to terms with the death of her mother, Brandish spent her whole life resenting Layla for Grammi’s death, unable to let herself move past it, to the point where she was willing to kill Lucy to get her revenge. Of course, killing Lucy wouldn’t have made any of those feelings go away, because all of her frustration and anger comes from not having closure of her mothers’ death. Having the companionship of Aqaurius gives Brandish someone to share in the memory of her mother with, and from there, she may truly be able to start to feel her grief and mourn in a healthy way, and be able to move on. I feel that Lucy deeply understands and empathises with what Brandish went through/is going through, and would be willing to give up Aquarius after a tearful goodbye, if it meant helping Brandish go through what Lucy knows to be a horrible and traumatic experience.

Now, I have my isssues with Aquarius’ appearance in 468 and 469, but I feel since she is so interwoven within the story of Lucy and Brandish that her showing up is justified, and plot wise, this was the best course of action to resolve this part of the story.

Aquarius showing up once to solve a problem is fine. Twice is a copout.

What irritates me most about Aquarius’s appearance in chapter 75 of hyq, is that, not only was it not the only course of action to resolve the fight, I don’t even think it was the one that made the most sense.

In true Fairy Tail fashion, we see the resolution to this fight being the power of friendship. I have no problem with nakama power in Fairy Tail, I wouldn’t have gotten this far into the series if I did, and actually, I’m quite fond of it. But to me, it’s weird that Mashima decided that the way to nakama power Lucy out of her Yokai state, was to bring in Aquarius, when Natsu was literally right there.

Now it’s no secret that despite being the main characters and best friends, Natsu and Lucy have had very few meaningful interactions across 100 years quest. In a way, it does make sense, they have a lot more pressing matters on their hands, but in chapter 74, we have them in the same room, forced to fight each other for the first time.

By now, we’re all aware that Natsu is a punch his problems until it goes away, type of guy, but he’s absolutely not incapable of thinking his way to a resolution. Yeah, Natsu is a dumbass, but being a dumbass and being smart are not mutually exclusive actually. In chapter 53 Natsu is able to pretty quickly come up with a really clever strategy to defeat Aldoron that doesn’t involve fighting at all. It’s a scene that I really like because it shows that Natsu has grown from the reckless person who would put himself in danger with no forethought, to someone who is capable of thinking strategically.

So we know that, with a little push, Natsu is able to come up with a clever solution, and there is a push for a solution in the fight with Yokai Lucy.

I believe that the reason that Natsu is so willing to fight her is the same reason in which he’s fine with absolutely pummeling Aldoron’s Happy in chapter 52, in that yes, it looks like Lucy, and it sounds like Lucy, but he doesn’t percieve her as actually being his Lucy. So when Lucy pulls out the “Natsu! It’s me!”, and he’s caught off guard, because yeah, it’s still Lucy.

It foreshadows how Aquarius is able to bring her back, but why couldn’t it have foreshadowed the same for Natsu?

From here is where I go from really liking chapter 74, to really not liking it.

By having Aquarius come to break Lucy out of her Yokai state, she takes away an opportunity to give Natsu another moment to show his character growth from someone who never thinks about anything other than fighting, to actually being able to independently think of his own solutions. Instead we get... another Lucy and Aqaurius moment that doesn’t really give us anything more than what we had seen in 468 and 469 of the original series. To me, it doesn’t make sense that Natsu would want to continue fighting Lucy, we know that he cares deeply about her and doesn’t want to see her hurting, and by that point he knows that he is out of his league in that fight. We have already established growth in Natsu to be able to think things through, so why can’t we see him pivot here and go the same nakama power route that Aquarius goes?

Now one could argue that, “oh it’s because Aquarius uses her stream of memories to get Lucy back to her old self”, but I don’t really think that it holds much ground in the first place. To me, both having Aquarius show up because celestial spirits don’t need to be summoned with keys there, and then now this stream of memories feels half-baked. If you’re going with a half-baked solution to forward the plot, I believe you might as well go with one that furthers the characters in a way that we haven’t already established. I wouldn’t care if it was some other half-baked power of love and friendship or whatever, or if it just forced Natsu to use his words for once, I don’t think it makes much of a difference, but at the start of the chapter, I was led to believe that it was set up as a Natsu and Lucy moment, so I find it weird that that’s not how it ended up.

In chapter 22, it’s Lucy who is the one who breaks Natsu out of his rampage, so while these two circumstances aren’t on equal ground, I believe that having Natsu be the one to break Lucy out of her Yokai state would have been something of a full circle moment for them.

The second reason I don’t like Aquarius showing up, circles back to Lucy searching for her key: What is the point of Lucy going on a journey (both literally and figuratively) to find her key if Aquarius is just going to show up to save her whenever she needs it? Regardless of if my theory that Lucy just wants to have a final goodbye with Aqaurius, having her show up whenever Lucy needs saving, takes away from the emotional impact of when they finally get to see each other, when/if Lucy finds her key. I feel that Lucy is ready to fully move on from her life and who she was before Fairy Tail, and letting go of Aquarius is part of that. Aquarius will always be an important part of Lucy’s life, and they’re both always going to care for each other, and with a potential friendship blooming between her and Brandish, I don’t see it being goodbye forever between them, but I think it would be a satisfying ending to their partnership, and a good way to close their character arcs together.

#mya's mumbles #fairy tail #fairy tail 100 years quest #lucy heartfilia #brandish myu #aquarius ft #natsu dragneel #if none of this makes sense it's because i wrote while we're in the middle of planning a funeral lol #i am about to lose it so if you're gonna be a bitch to me about this post #be ready to be on the recieving end of several months worth of grief and anger #long post

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neopiacentral · 2 years

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had a very rough week because my mom (who i still have blocked on everything and haven’t spoken to since 2017ish) kept leaving me (blocked) voicemails (as she has done for like two years mainly just to guilt me into speaking to her again and telling me i basically *have* to talk to her because she’s my only mom and i’m her only daughter)

but the most recent voicemails from her were v different saying she would be driving through my area (columbia missouri, where mitch and i live now….1000 miles away from my mom) because she was leaving vegas and moving somewhere else and that i need to call her so we can see each other while she is close.

the only person in my blood family that ive still talked to over the last few years has been my mom’s sister/my aunt, she helped me out financially a few times when i was really struggling and she’s the only person i am related to that shows actual interest in my life and wants to see me succeed .

ever since i was little she’s always sent us packages in the mail because she lives in new york, so when mitch and i moved into our new house i gave her the address when she asked bc it’s just always something i’ve done. and then all of a sudden the one person in the world i want to stay away from most knows where i am and is comfortable enough literally narrating her entire drive to the city i live in.

after i saw the voicemails i texted my aunt about them and asked if she had given my mom my physical address bc i know if she has it she will definitely show up at my house and all she said was that she couldn’t remember if she gave it to her and she doesn’t think my mom would just show up . even though i spent years living with her as the version of herself that she is now and dealing with the insane things she’s done all while my aunt has been across the country and hasn’t seen her in about a decade

she also said that my mom was traveling to go live with her in new york bc my mom’s health is compromised or something so now i don’t feel comfortable speaking to the one last family member i have anymore . so today i changed my number and now am free from the chaos for good it seems

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moefling · 11 months

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ok i’m gonna talk about the RWRB Movie...

SPOILER: i’m gonna be negative and i’m not planning on watching the movie (i guess that means ppl are gonna block me??? idk why ppl are just mass blocking because of this but whatever) (edit: per a suggestion I swapped the tag on this post so it isn't tagged under "rwrb movie")

so i’m gonna start by saying that i’ve watched the trailer a few times and honestly i love the vibes, it makes me smile ever time.

-the kiss is great

-the butt slap is everything

-Henry’s facial expressions *chefs kiss*

-the visible chain around Alex neck. yes

i’m also gonna say that its great that people ARE going to see the movie, we need more queer movies and the only way for that to happen is if ppl watch the ones that are being made now.

so the bad.

honestly i could deal with a lot of the little things. like they make my eye twitch a little but i do actually understand that you can’t 100% remake a book into a movie.

BUT

it’s June that i can’t forgive.

if i’m wrong and she is in the movie than amazing and i redact everything but it doesn’t seem to be that way.

removing June makes me SO angry. its like removing Alice from Twilight or Sam from Lord of the Rings. if Main Characters are just the romantic leads (Alex and Henry) than June defiantly falls into secondary tier - all the Super Six kinda do (Bea would be the most removable for me but is is also necessary for Henry’s development as much as June is for Alex.

June balances Alex out. the book even specifically states WHY all of the White House Trio are needed (page 28: “Alex pushes them. June steadies them. Nora keeps them honest.”) She keeps him sane and she put her life on hold to watch out for Alex, and Alex knows this!

the idea of Alex being an only child is terrifying. he is already kinda selfish (i say that lovingly) and “a little shit” without growing up with an older sibling to shut him up he would be a monster (and Nora doesn’t count because first they don’t actually meet until Ellen is running with Mike as VP and second Nora’s personality is to “go with the flow” to really steady Alex)

June also has some important moments that happen in the book! like it doesn’t really work to have Nora be fake dating Henry for the like 2 days that that happens and no June means no Magazine moment (i know that isn’t really directly in the book but its a fav for everyone). no June also really changes the tone of the Lake House....

ANWAY, moving away from June here is some other things that i don’t like (because its my rant and i want to, feel free to change my mind)

- the height difference (i did love the lifts comment in the trailer but idk if they’ll be able to keep that up in a way that makes since - that means that if they are every barefoot Alex would have to be shorter *cough* like swimming)

-the actor for Alex is to old. i know ppl are really split about this but the actor feels put together and like an adult to me (vs. book Alex feels very young - or he honestly acts his age of 21/22). i think the polo match scene says a lot for me in the postures of the 2 actors, Henry is ok (tho honestly i think he wouldn’t have the loose posture once he rejoined ppl but its cute so pass) but Alex is to stiff, he should be almost bouncing as he walks.

-WFT is Ellen’s accent in the trailer???

-i heard a rumor that Raf and Liam are merged and redone. Gross and big no.

-King instead of Queen. i understand why this was done but the tone changes a lot in my head of abusive Grandpa vs. Grandma

-Zahra. don’t like, the vibe is off with the actress... can’t explain why except the smile in the photos and the bow in the trailer

-i feel like some of the scenes feel still (this is 100% my opinion and i could be reading this VERY wrong so ignore this if you interpret it differently)

i really wanted to like the movie but realistically i probably wouldn’t watch the movie anyway because i have issues with that so..... i guess it doesn’t matter.

i hope ppl who watch it enjoy it and please separate tags of movie vs book, thanks

#rwrb #RED WHITE AND ROYAL BLUE #rwrb book #red white and royal blue book #rant #rwrb movie negativity #first prince #books to movies #red white and royal blue

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starjxsung · 1 month

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hi hi baby!! how are you?

i saw that you got ateez tickets!!! how exciting!! did you end up getting vip?👀👀👀

spirited away and howl’s moving castle are my absolute most comforting ghibli movies. buuuut i think my fav is probably princess mononoke, i just think it’s sooooo beautiful and sad. but i love them all so much (except earwig, we don’t claim her). i can literally talk about studio ghibli for hours nonstop.

i hope thinking of me when you see baku is a good thing for you bc that’s so sweet😭 we need more baku representation. i went to hot topic today and saw a wallet that had kuromi and him<3 the revolution is starting

ahhhh i didn’t know you got a bbokari & han quokka <3 we love that for you! i really want to get one of each eventually. but i really want a han quokka or dwaekki next. i love the fact that you crochet clothes for them😭

the situation with your professor too, like wtf bro. i hate professors that don’t have an ounce of empathy. they forget they’re freaking human too. i really don’t like that, in my case it really sucks because she’s a literal licensed psychologist. so she should AT LEAST as a part of her competencies comprehend that people have personal problems. she also gave us the hardest time yesterday for the work that none of us submitted (that was due at the start of the semester) because we didn’t send it in. when she was the one that didn’t open or even publish it so we could submit it. she said it must’ve been a problem with the platform (we also use the platform for our courses and it can be messy but it doesn’t just remove content just because). like, she couldn’t even admit that it was her own error too. like honestly, i hate this whole ego trip that professors live in. like, what possesses them. but yeah, whatever, she’s one of the main directors of the program so imma have like a million other courses with her so i can’t really be an asshole to her too or she’ll try to fail me probs <3

anyways bb thanks for your support! i really appreciate it so much! thanks for always giving us a safe space here. i’m feeling better now and a bit more hopeful. i love you and appreciate you, pls know that im always here for you too<3

(and fuck ch*rlie p*th <3, i feel bad for skz bc i love them but im not supporting this featuring at all either. they just get thee worst collabs like tommy hilfiger is such a shitty brand, coca cola sucks and now this bish. they can’t catch a break)

i love you darling! i hope you’re well and taking care of yourself <3

-🐈‍⬛

HI BABYYYYY ATEEZ TICKETS SECUREDDDDD I’m going to Oakland and then flying to LA the same week to see them again!!!! And then I leave a week later for lollapalooza LMFAOAOOFFJFJ IT IS GOING TO BE A HECTICCCCC WEEK BUT IM SOOOOO EXCITED 🫶

Princess Mononoke is a fucking masterpiece oh my got and the SOUNDTRACK…….. probably one of the best scores I’ve ever listened to 😭 ALSO EARWIG HOLY FUCKKKK I block that movie out of my memory because it’s so bad 😭 what were they thinking!!!! I kept thinking it was gonna go somewhere and it just never did and then it just ended HWELLOPPPO IT’S SO FUNNY NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT ??!:?:?:? 😭

I love my skzoos !!!! I’ll send pics when I crochet them more clothes (in several months bc I’m lazy🫶)

Professors LOOOOOVE to sit on their high horse and act like they want you to succeed and then pull the most out of pocket shit ever that’s a literal recipe for failure. And then they wonder why so many people fail their class 😀 absolutely insane that a licensed psychologist wouldn’t think mental health to be a legitimate issue, but I digress! Professors are always right and everything they do is correct! They certainly know how to use online platforms for work submission too! 🙃 WILD. I hope she doesn’t pull that shit again and I’m so sorry you have to deal with her for more courses ☹️ I’m rooting for you so hard and you’re always welcome to shit talk her on here WE HATE BAD PROFESSORS ON BLOGGGG™️ 🫶🫶🫶

Oh my god finally someone else who also hates Tommy Hilfiger RAHHHH their founder is apparently super racist too ???? And their clothes are somehow unnecessarily expensive for being so boring and colorless. Idol fashion has gotten so boring I miss when idols would wear weird and colorful streetwear fashion 😭

I LOVE YOU BBYYYYY it’s almost the end of the week hang in there my love !!!! 🫶💓💕💗💞💖💘

#🐈‍⬛ anon #ask

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chasingmidnights · 1 year

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Cage the Devil Series (Final Part)

Title: Anything Goes

Summary: Now that you’ve gotten revenge, it’s time for you and Lee to move forward with your lives.

Warnings: First up, 18+!!!! Minors go away!! Mentions of threats; character death/homicide; mild cursing; some mild anger from Lee; mentions of gunshots & guns; mentions of pregnancy; mentions of alcohol; mentions of being poisoned; and I believe that’s everything. I apologize if I’ve missed anything but you are responsible for what you read. Also, this is not beta read, so any and all mistakes are my own. By clicking keep reading, you’ve accepted these warnings. The gold glitter divider is by @firefly-graphics and the moodboards were created by me.

Wordcount: 2,383

Lee had been busy dealing with the aftermath of the Tecumseh Bar being burned down and he was thankful no one was hurt. A part of him though, couldn’t help but feel frustrated as it was where a lot of his business dealings were done. He let out a heavy sigh before taking a sip of his now cold coffee. Lee was about to pick up the phone to call his house to see how you were doing, when a knock came from his closed office door. He put the phone back down before he called out to the other person.

“Come in!”

The door to his office creaked open and in the doorway stood Deputy Barnes. Lee arched an eyebrow at his deputy as he saw the solemn look on his face.

“Sir, we got a call for some shots fired and well, not exactly sure how to tell you this-” Barnes started as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Tell me what Barnes?” Lee barked, he didn’t have time for his deputies to pussyfoot around.

“They came from the area of the twelve hundred block of Pine.” Barnes knew that as soon as he said the address, Lee would want to take action.

“What do we know?” Lee immediately got up from his desk chair and holstered his weapon before making his way out of the office, with Barnes right behind him.

“Not a whole lot. Neighbor claimed that he only heard the shots but didn’t see anything. Two shots went off then a few minutes later, two or three more went off.” Barnes followed after his boss as he spoke. “What do you want us to do about this?”

Lee stopped in his tracks as he stopped to think about what he wanted done. He then pulled Barnes close and off to the side, he kept his voice low as he spoke. “Take Rogers and Wilson with you, try to keep the chatter low about this as much as possible. I need to double check something at thome and then I’ll be out there.”

Barnes nodded his head before he went to round up the other two deputies. Lee then bolted out of the Knockemstiff Sheriff’s Department and got into his squad car, he immediately sped off to the house. He hoped that you were alright and that nothing bad had happened to you. He couldn’t live with himself if that were the case.

Meanwhile, you were waiting to meet with Curt Goynes on the opposite side of town. You glanced over to the gun, sitting on the passenger seat when you saw his car pull up. The two of you got out at the same time but not before grabbing a small bag from the backseat. You walked up to Curt with the bag and eyed him up and down when you saw that he was empty handed.

“Don’t tell me I’ve made a mistake Curt.” Your voice was cold and had a bite to it.

“Of course not, Jones deserves this.” Curt then pulled a small vial of clear liquid out of his pocket and held it up. “How are you gonna cover up the taste? I heard this stuff can be a bit on the bitter side.”

“I figured I’d just put a few drops into his whiskey.” You answered bluntly.

Curt found himself smirking at your answer before he handed you the vial. In return, you handed him the small bag and he glanced inside the bag.

“All there?”

“Every last scent.” You promised as you examined the vial.

When the two of you seemed satisfied, the two of you parted ways. You watched as Curt drove off in the direction of the highway. You took a deep breath as you sat there for a moment, carefully putting the vial into your purse. You sat there and thought about everything that’s happened recently and how badly you just wanted it to end, not just for your sake either. Just as the sun was starting to rise, you decided it was time to finish this once and for all. You wouldn’t let Jones do this to anyone else.

When Lee got to the house, he barely had the cruiser into park before he was bolting out of it and dashing towards the house. He frantically searched the house as he called out your name. Room after room, he started to worry as each one he found empty. He was passing his office when something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. Lee slowly entered his office as he took a look around and saw how sprawled out everything was on top of his desk. He took a seat at his desk and examined it thoroughly, that’s when he spotted it. A business card with Lloyd’s information on it. Lee ran a hand down his face and the worst was coming into his mind. Then another thought popped into his head and he reached under his desk, only to find nothing.

“Dammit!”

Lee then stood up and shoved everything off of his desk in a fit of rage. He took a moment to collect himself before he ran a hand through his hair. Lee then got up from his desk, even though he was exhausted, frustrated, and a multitude of other emotions. He let out a heavy sigh before he got up and decided it was best to go meet Barnes and the others. When he got to your former childhood home, a pit formed in his stomach when he saw it all taped off. He slowly got out of his squad car and approached the house, lifting up the tape so he could enter. Lee felt the color drain from his face when he saw a sheet covering a body and he stumbled backwards. Barnes rushed over to help steady him and to give the news.

“It’s not her boss, it’s Lloyd.”

Lee clapped his deputy’s shoulder as he let out a sigh of relief. “Alright, let’s cover this up quickly.”

To say you surprised Jones when he walked into his office, would be an understatement. You were sitting in his chair and had your feet propped up on his desk. You took a sip of the water that you had in your glass as the two of you continued to stare at one another. Doug smirked at you before he walked over to the drink cart. You were pleased when he chose the bottle of Whiskey, but you did your best not to show it. You heard the pop of the cork and watched intensely as Doug poured himself a healthy amount of Whiskey.

“Ya know, when they told me that I had a visitor, I gotta be honest I wasn’t expecting you.” Doug took a long drink of his Whiskey as he turned around.

You don’t reply right away as you take another sip of your water. “Well, I don’t like leaving any loose ends.”

Jones nodded his head at your words before he took another drink of his Whiskey. “Loose ends you say?”

“Precisely.” You then adjusted in the chair and straightened up, removing your feet off of the desk as you did so. “Hansen is dead.”

Doug took a seat in the armchair next to the drink cart, just as you came around the front of his desk. You watched as Jones started to adjust his tie before he took another sip of his Whiskey.

“I take it by your doing?” Jones inquired as he started to breathe slightly heavier.

You couldn’t help but let a proud smile form on your lips. “Of course. You feeling alright there Doug?”

Doug set his glass on the drink cart before his hand went to his chest. His breathing had labored even more and you could see the panic in his eyes.

“What did you do, you little bitch?” He choked out as he undid his tie, even though it wouldn’t help.

You reached behind you and grabbed your glass, taking a sip of the water. A tense silence filled the room as you stared him down, you set the glass down next to you on the desk and a wicked grin grew on your face.

“Oleander. I heard it’s a bitch and the best thing? You’ll be dead in a few hours, dying slowly and painfully.”

Doug tried to speak but ended up choking on his words. You couldn’t help but smirk at his reaction, before you grabbed your purse and started to head towards the door. You paused before you exited the office and glanced over your shoulder, you could tell he was already starting to suffer. A sense of pride filled you as you continued to walk out of the building. When you got to your car, you decided to turn on the radio and listen to some music for the ride home. A woman’s voice came through the speaker and it was in the middle of the song as it played, you started to hum along to it as you drove off.

“... So though I’m not a great romancer… I know you’re bound to answer when I propose… Anything goes… If driving fast cars you like… If low bars you like… If Mae West you like… Or me undressed you like… Why, nobody will oppose… Anything goes… And all the pains you’ve got, if any brains you’ve got… From those little radios… Anything goes… Anything goes… Anything…”

The drive back home was exhausting and you couldn’t wait to be home. When you finally got back, you saw that he was already home and you couldn’t help but smile. You wanted nothing more than to curl up into his arm and fall asleep but you couldn’t do that quite yet. On the way home, you had decided that you were going to tell him everything and hopefully he would still want to be with you. You took a deep breath as you reached for your purse, with the gun already inside of it and got out of your car. Once you were inside the house, you let out a heavy sigh as you set down your purse on the entryway table. Lee perked up when he heard the front door open and close. He got up from his spot on the couch and when he saw you in the entryway, he couldn’t have been happier. He rushed up to you and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close. You were a little surprised by his reaction but you accepted it and embraced him in return.

“Lee, there's something that I need to tell you.” You pulled away a little bit to look at Lee in his beautiful, blue eyes as you spoke.

“Whatever it is, I don’t need to know and it didn’t happen.” Lee said sternly as he reached a hand up to cup your cheek and started to caress it.

“Well then, can I just say one thing then?” You couldn’t help but beam at him, you’d been wanting to tell him for a while now.

“Of course, doll, what is it?” Lee tucked some of your hair behind your ear as he waited and continued to hold you close.

“I’m pregnant.”

Lee was shocked at first but then it quickly went away and he started to grin from ear to ear. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, you’re going to be a father?!” You confirmed excitedly and with your own huge smile.

Lee crashed his lips into yours, putting as much passion as he possibly could into the kiss. When he pulled apart, he picked you up by the waist and spun you around in the air. Your heart swelled at his reaction and for once, you felt like things were going your way.

FIVE YEARS LATER

During the last five years, so many things had changed and yet, Knockemstiff still felt the same. Lee hung up his sheriff's hat, along with ceasing any other side businesses he had and the two of you were extremely happy. When Lee decided to retire, it wasn’t quite an election year, so he handed the ropes over to Barnes. Knockemstiff hasn’t been this peaceful and quiet in many years. Barnes proved to be a worthy voice and the people loved him as the new sheriff.

You and Lee were married just a few weeks before your son was born. Reverend Teagardin performed a small, quaint ceremony with a few of the deputies as witnesses. To you, it was the most perfect ceremony. Two weeks after that, you gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. You cried the first time you held him, you never knew you could feel so much love for one person. You didn’t miss the fact that he was the spitting image of Lee and had a full head of hair. The name you picked out for your son, you felt like it fit him perfectly, Landon James Bodecker.

You now sat on the porch swing as you watched Lee teach your son how to play catch. It was a warm, summer afternoon and you couldn’t help but smile at the sight. You caressed your large, pregnant belly and let out a sigh of content. You and Lee were expecting your second child and things couldn’t have been more perfect. You sipped on your lemonade as you continued to watch Lee and your son play together. You laughed as they were now wrestling on the ground, being a father suited him and he was a great one.

“Be careful!” You called out, not wanting either one of them to get hurt.

Just then, Landon stopped playing with Lee and came rushing up the porch steps. He climbed onto the swing with you and he snuggled into your side. You couldn’t help but smile and hold him as close as possible.

“Got room for one more?” Lee teased as he walked up the steps.

He picked up Landon and set him on his lap as Lee joined you on the swing. You leaned into his side as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders and gently pulled you as close as possible. It was moments like these that you lived for and you couldn’t get enough of them.

The End

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ruminate88 · 2 months

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Healing Journal ❤️‍🩹 04/17/23

I started this account over a year ago.. I had JUST learned about emotional abuse. I was trapped on TikTok watching video after video and it was very draining. At some point, I couldn’t watch another one becuase it was sucking me dry. Yes, I gained great clarity and insight for my past but it sucked. ALL OF IT SUCKED!

I realized I had all these emotional wounds from the past and had suppressed so much. I had physically blocked two of my exes Jake and Andrew, accept for Cody, who actually blocked me and ghosted me. 🥺 I knew Cody ghosting was a burden inside of me for years but I just didn’t understand it or know what to do with it. I decided to start a blog to jot down my past and see if there’s anything there I needed to work on or heal… BOY OH BOY!! I found a boat load of junk to deal with. I opened up the door in my heart to ALL the unresolved feelings, issues and the fact I never got closure from Cody or Andrew!! (I’ve been working on that stil. I’m still grieving)

I have learned sooo much about “emotional abuse” and it does make a lot of sense to my past. I even found a guy on TikTok who says he’s a “diagnosed narcissist” and everything he says seems to explain words and actions from my ex Andrew that I couldn’t explain before. The truth is, not enough information takes away the pain or changes the past. Also, each person is different so I have to keep in mind how just because one person is a certain way, doesn’t mean all people with similar traits are the same way. I’m just trying to understand… (some people have different circumstances or life experiences)

Why would I need to understand my ex Andrew so much??? Well obviously, I believed at one point I was falling so madly deeply in love with him but he was also my most confusing breakup I ever had and treated me like “no big deal” and it hurt so much! 😭😭The way he moved on so quick when I spent 3 months hating myself and thinking about suicide all time.

LOVE is sooo powerful and so is lust. A part of me knew all along andrew was “too good to be true” and wouldn’t actually ever “love me” but he said he loved me at first, so I wanted it to be very true and told myself “I was so happy with him” but he bread crumbed me most of our relationship and manipulated me with “intermittent reinforcement” for MONTHS! I was super anxious and on edge the whole time with him because I never knew when he was going to leave me again for days or when he would come back and “be with me”. 😢😓 He kept disappointing me and making me feel bad for wanting to be in his presence… I felt bad for even telling him I loved him. I NEVER felt good enough for him!

Why talk about Andrew so much??? I mean, I was trauma bonded to him and obsessed with him. I’ve been trying to understand and also kill the feelings. I broke up with Andrew becuase he acted like he was put out by me and bothered. Plus he cheated. I KNEW I couldn’t trust him but it didn’t mean I stopped caring about “him” or feeling for him… I understand now I don’t know the real him but I still had strong feelings attached. 🥺❤️‍🩹

I don’t hate him and I am trying so hard to keep forgiving him as much as I can. I don’t wish any “karma” or “harm” on him. I don’t want him to get “justice”. I just want him to be real, honest and know that I was real with him always. My intentions were always to cherish him and care about whatever he goes through. He was in college whenever we were talking together and he would tell me how hard school was, how much studying he had to do and say his parents were being so strict on him to “get good grades” 😝 (maybe he was truthful or maybe he lied to me) but I would ALWAYS try to give him encouragement and tell him how I believed in him and wanted the best for him always… 😔 It’s okay if he never wants good for me or the best for me. I mean, you can’t MAKE people love you or force them to fit into your life. You can’t change people to make them be what you want. 🥺🙏🏻❤️‍🩹 (I’m sorry Andrew)

My BIGGEST take aways from this healing journal so far is: Forgiveness, not judging yourself or anyone around you, healing can take time and patience! Knowing who to trust is important AND just because people hurt you, DOES NOT mean you have the right to hurt others. That’s all ❤️‍🩹

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fancywordology · 1 year

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VENT: Millennials and Gen Z Need to Stop Being So “Introverted”, Especially Americans

The one thing I dislike about Millennials and Gen Z is that they act like they’re so damn shy like everyone is gonna hurt them or whatever😑 Especially the adults. You’re an ADULT now. You can overcome.

You can deal with people and you should. I can’t even have a fun dinner or cocktail party because you Millennials “hate people” even though a party will have my friends who are truly good people who I painstakingly choose. You have to work with people and people can be fun if you would just stop being so into yourself and your mental problems and your “introvertedness”. We all have mental problems. How are an entire two generations TRUE “introverts”? The internet isn’t an excuse. We are hard wired to need other people to survive, being a hermit isn’t normal. “Oh but I’m an introvert. I need my safe space. I hate people.” That isn’t normal. Get help where you can

I just passed a Gen Z adult in a hallway and she wouldn’t even move until I was right up on her and said “excuse me” and she move *six inches* for me to SQUEEZE by and she didn’t even look at me besides a quick eye glance. Even in Japan someone would be more accommodating and they usually hardly interact with strangers! Jfc

I’m an ambivert with ADHD, PMDD, depression, anxiety, been betrayed by several friends, have been in several bad relationships, have had bad family experiences, have been harassed, bullied, have chronic fatigue syndrome, have been sexually assaulted and harassed, have been careerless for nearly a decade, had professors treat me poorly in university, etc. so I get it! I’ve been there, but life is fun when you share it with many others.

I just am sick and tired of my own damn generation being so boring and defensive and being bad friends all the time! I look at my parents having fun mature parties with friends all these decades only wishing I could do that, but I can’t. I see them going on group outings and trips with friends and I can’t do that either. I also want to make better friends but no one wants that because they’re all too defensive about their “private lives”. Millennials are so damn flaky and boring and self-centered (as in they think a lot about themselves and what’s going on with themselves) and I’m getting so so tired of it.

Young Gen X still has kids, so they’re not easy to hang out with and anyone older than that is like my parents’ age which, rn is still weird to me tbh…

Millennials are also so flaky too. If you don’t keep them on the line, they just go away or they tell you they’re just too tired or busy or whatever. They make poor friends because they’re not there when you need actual help with something because it’s “too much” for their fragile being with their “mental problems” or they can’t trust people because they’re “jaded”.

Like jfc it’s a CYCLE. If you are an introverted selfish person, that’s the kind of people you’ll be around too because they learned it from those around them. If you learn to be better, then people end up becoming better.

Just. Please. Grow. Up. Get. Help. Be. A. Real. Friend. Be. Better.

Do you realize you’re BLOCKING out people who can UNDERSTAND YOU?

Inb4 all the excuses of mental health or being betrayed all the time or being jaded or being really and truly introverted.

#millennials #millennial #gen z #zoomers #zoomer #gen x vs millenials #generations #introvert #mental health #mental heath support #get healthy #help yourself by helping others #be better #do better

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marsdeathdefiances · 1 year

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Hello!! I have a question(s?) for you but you can totally just ignore it if it comes off as rude (I'm so sorry if it does). So I recently found out about Hellenistic paganism through your blog and I know next to nothing about it. I found it super interesting and just wanted to ask some (probably really silly) questions.

First of all:

Is there a specific way or specific ceremony/ritual involved that I need to do in order to convert? How do I get started?

And also a bit more specific of a question:

Can you still worship Aphrodite if you're aroace? Are you /allowed/ to worship Aphrodite if you're aroace? It's a silly question, but it feels kind of important to me. I had pretty bad experiences with a couple of other religions because they weren't very tolerant (or maybe it was just the people that I was around?), and it drove me away from them completely. I just want to make sure I'm not getting into something like that again. Nothing wrong with having set-in-stone beliefs and stuff, but excluding certain groups just doesn't sit right with me.

Thanks for taking the time to read my questions. I hope they didn't come off as rude.. Hope you have a great day!

(Sorry it took me so long to get to this it must’ve gotten buried in my notifs lol)

Hi! You don’t come off as rude at all and your questions also aren’t silly ones, they’re actually fairly common questions!

First of all, there’s no set ritual or ceremony you have to partake in in order to convert. Basically, if there’s a god you’re very interested in worshiping, just reach out to them! The first god I worshiped was Apollo and I just gave a simple offering, introduced myself, and prayed to him. Of course you don’t have to do it *exactly* like that but that’s what worked for me. It just gets you out there and familiar with the act of praying and giving offerings (also the first offering I give to deities when I’m ‘introducing myself’ is just water. It’s simple, sure, but they accept it. Again it’s just a nice way of putting yourself out there). Of course you don’t have to be completely perfect the first time (hell I’ve been doing this for years and I’m still making mistakes now and then, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself to do it perfectly the first time), so don’t stress it there.

Secondly, yes, you can absolutely worship Aphrodite and be aroace at the same time. While a lot of people see her as the goddess of romantic (and subsequently sexual) love, she’s a lot more than that, because there’s a lot of different types of love. There’s the love you have for your family, the love you have for your friends (both online and in person), the love you have for your pets, and of course the love you have for yourself! There’s no rule saying you can’t worship her if you’re aroace, and if anyone tries to tell you as such they’re lying. Because, again, there’s more love than just romantic and sexual love.

And to answer that last little bit of having been in religions and dealing with people that weren’t that tolerant-in my experience a lot of people in the helpol community are very accepting and welcoming. People are generally very happy to help answer questions and help you get set in the right direction. Of course, sadly, there are still people that aren’t very accepting but from what I’ve noticed they’re pretty few and far between and I don’t interact with them. I just block and move on. That’s kind of the nice thing about helpol not being a ‘mainstream’ thing, you can very easily curate your experience and just block rude and bigoted people. That’s how I’ve been waltzing through this since I started and it’s made this very pleasant.

Also, I hate doing a self-promo but my side blog @worshipper-of-zeus I post pretty much strictly about this stuff over there and you can also find other wonderful blogs as well!

Anyways, I hope I answered your questions and helped give a piece of mind here, cause yeah because it can be somewhat intimidating at first. And it’s also important for me to say that not everyone’s practice is going to look the exact same, so don’t freak out if you’re practice doesn’t look exactly like mine or anyone else’s. Just do what’s best for you and your lifestyle. That’s my best advice tbh. But if you have anymore questions, I’ll happily answer them!

#dorian speaks #ask answered

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