#I know I’m privileged trust me but. that same thinking is what makes me deny my trauma

[enigma-the-anomaly]

:/

#vented in a discord server (not the tumblr moots one dw moots <3) about my mom barging into my room this morning #which really pissed me off because I feel like I have no privacy #and someone responded by saying I should be grateful that my parents care enough about me to walk into my room and check on me #which is. not what I needed to hear #idk I’m just always terrified that I’m too sensitive and that I’m having problems that aren’t actually problems #I know I’m privileged trust me but. that same thinking is what makes me deny my trauma #because others have it worse or whatever #like I am sure the person did not mean to insult me or be rude #and I do think I overreacted a little (mainly cuz mental illness and shit makes me annoying) #but. idk it rly hurt me #the last thing I needed was for someone to tell me that actually I should be grateful that I have no privacy #this person even started talking about how their room doesn’t even have a door #look idk what I’m saying I was just trying to vent rq and now I feel like an asshole #and self pity makes me feel even more like an asshole #I’m sorry I’m selfish and ungrateful. im sorry I overreact to everything #vent #ramble #god how does anyone stand me

[lizzycatsburg]

Something just clicked.

A bulldog on a couch

A soldier coming home

A bully gets a beat down

Click. Click. Repeat.

Same page repeated

All over this novel

What a boring book

With a stupid ending

Where everyone dies

And no one cares.

The entire world is my room

Asking things of me

While I’m just trying to read

The yearn of empathy hits me so hard

I hold my chest and quietly say

I am so sorry this is happening to you-

To all of the rejected

To all of the denied

To all of the unseen

And the lost evergreen.

Everyone is talking at the same time

I’m trying to listen

I feel like this sounds important

I’m so sorry I can’t hear you

I promise to come back to this

It deserves my attention

I really do want to help

I just feel so heavy.

Consistency

Consistency and boredom go hand in hand for many

Opposites do attract

What is more stimulating than a trust in a friend

A touch when you need to be held

Contentment when you’re still

The satisfaction of completion

None of which can happen without 

The small repetitive steps 

That I’ve lost the discipline for.

What a conundrum I am in

I have to walk with temptation on my back

In order to do the harder thing.

He makes me twice as heavy

And says he’ll get off of me if I just. stop. trying.

The magnetic pull of temporary pleasure

Why does human nature allow this?

I want to be different

I want to make change

I want to fight back

But I am distracted by undeserved dopamine

I am overwhelmed with the problems of the world.

I am afraid of judgment and shame,

I am fucking depressed about this soulless society.

I feel the tension rising in me

That sudden awareness of how heavy your body is

My ribs are now made of metal

Chaos

Money

My business

The corruption of everything

I am ugly

I am old and ugly

I don’t think I should have kids.

No focus with a million problems

It’s like I can feel the world emptying itself of life

Drink a beer to simmer the clashing thoughts

That are creating a dust storm in my brain.

Here’s comes the urge to just turn life off

I can just unplug my focus

With a simple click

One night doesn’t matter

This wind down will help me be better tomorrow.

A bulldog on a couch

A soldier coming home

A bully gets a beat down

Click click repeat.

Con 

of the century

Stealing my thoughts

For profit

Stealing my attention

For your fucking quarterly bonus

Distracting me with dopamine

That gets smaller and smaller everyday

They want me to be overwhelmed

They want me to avoid

They want me to spend

They want every part of me

Including my submission

And sense of self.

Completely.

Click. Click. Rewind

My father left when I was eight

To be with a younger woman

I remember knawing on 

The corner of the kitchen table

To deal with the stress

Asking dramatic questions

That did not reassure my fears.

He had kids because he thought

That’s what you do

Too bad you couldn’t take us back

Rejected from the start

For not being refundable

We grew up struggling

In a single parent household

Made fun of for my looks

And shitty shoes

My funny hair

And bad teeth

And no boobs

Why don’t I just go eat a burger?

Taught from the start

If you’re pretty or rich, then they’ll care.

I’ve worked since I was 11

Trying to help my dear mom

From farm fields to newspapers

To convenience stores and more

I got sunburns and blisters but

Vanity’s a luxury 

That most can’t afford

Survival is a full time job.

I always wanted to have a best friend

But everyone already had one

Easier to be rejected by my own hand

Than be the last one on the bench again

Click. Click. Fast Forward.

I am white but I am no oppressor

The only seats at the table

Are the ones that can be bought

I’m starting to see the game the elite play

To segregate the denied into teams And fight over the moldy space they’ve allowed for us

That is the white privilege

that has poisoned our lives

Inherited wealth and power

Trickled down from times of slavery

That have grown into piles so big

Those pigs can’t even see the top

All they know is they need more

More mergers

More minors

More money

More power

What a low frequency

I don’t envy them at all.

They’ve tricked us into hating our neighbours

The people who’s own shoes

Have a walked a mile right next door to you.

They’ve clouded our thoughts so

we question common sense

While we count our last cents

To make us forget the most precious thing to us-

Our ability to think for ourselves.

But my confidence is shaky

I’m cringing as I write this

I am scared to offend 

I am scared of shame

Who do I think I am?

Considering

I am a speck of nothing

In an ever expanding universe

A whiny white Samantha 

Who’s struggles make others eyes roll

I should myself invisible

Make myself as small as possible

So others can have my crumb

I’ll close this book of life

And mind my own

Maybe if I stay quiet this will all just go away.

A bulldog on a couch

A soldier coming home

A bully gets a beat down

Click click repeat.

Tumultuousness and passion

Are cousins often confused for twins

A flat ball will still bounce

If thrown from high enough

Crusades now echo violence,

Synonymous in this age.

Tempting euphoria of releasing dense rage

Through the tips of your fingers

To those that disagree.

It brings us back

To our high school romance days-

The high of making up,

The addiction to relief

All while your breath is still secretly held

Procrastinating the hurt of the next rejection

Are we addicted to nostalgia

To deal with today’s state?

How quickly worry will take relief’s place

How quickly stress will take away from worry

How quickly anger takes over stress

A BULLDOG ON A COUCH

A SOLDIER COMING HOME

A BULLY GETS A BEAT DOWN

CLICK CLICK REPEAT.

Oh my god

I can’t believe we are here again

And it’s all getting worse

I can’t drown it out

The world is dying

Nature is dying

Children are dying

Animals are dying

And work

And bills

And getting my car fixed

God I hate myself

Go fucking do something

Fucking do ANYTHING

No-one could hate me more than I hate myself.

Every day is the same

And nothing gets better

Despair is heavy

Temptation is heavy

And I am being crushed.

Control alt delete

Let’s escape the screen

I have no energy left to resist

I can’t tell if I’m letting go 

Or giving up

Completely

Instinctively

My body reacts

I crawl out from under despair

I toss temptation aside

Too exhausted to carry its weight anymore.

Laying in silence I hear a voice

That I haven’t sat with in a long time

She is someone I don’t sit with often

But intuitively I know I like her

She says Hey. It’s me. You. 

You’re one of the good ones.

Ugh. It doesn’t feel that way.

You are inherently good.

We’ve been taught to blame ourselves

And each other

While they blackmail us with our fears

It’s the fear of the unknown makes me rather live in stress.

What happens after survival?

What if I feel nothing once pain goes away?

Or say the wrong thing?

What if I change nothing at all?

Jane Goodall isn’t condemned

For helping chimpanzees

Instead of elephants

Or Lions Or bears

And if she is?

Fuck those people

And their spicy little finger glares.

Just do your best, it's okay to fail. 

There’s always small wins within 

That make up the trail

Healing happens when action is in action

So fuck what they say, and fuck their reaction

Action is the recipe for hope.

And Hope is the ignition for ambition.

Something just clicked.

I haven’t sat with myself in a while

I forgot what stillness sounds like

Her and I are on the same page

And shit, she’s actually really nice

I’ve been ignoring her

For no reason

I’ve been zoning inward

Looking for the source to blame

Instead of embracing 

The love and truth in my thoughts

In order to spread good

I need to feel good

I need to hear my own voice

I need to make my world smaller.

Consist Of me.

Make my world content

And then share that

With my family

With my friends

With my work

With my community

With my country

With the world

It takes the good ones like me

And like you. And You. And You.

To do one thing.

Not everything.

Just your thing.

Whatever makes

You feel worthwhile

In a world that needs

Sense of worth

You deserve to feel worthwhile.

Not because the world's problems

Are yours alone to fix

It is not your fault.

None of this is our fault.

But that yearn of empathy you feel

Is the universe calling for your goodness

Nature’s bat signal

One ant can move a crumb

But a collective

Can take the whole meal back to share

I put down my phone

And write out my list of to-do’s.

I get a little pep in my step

For the first time in a while.

I take the moment to thank myself

For being kind when I really needed it.

Kindness really is healing to the soul.

I finally understand

You beg to belong

When you don’t accept yourself

And my nature will not be manipulated anymore.

I am surely no Mr.Rogers

But I do own a red cardigan

He once said, it’s easy to say

that’s not my child,

not my community,

not my world,

not my problem.

Then there are those who see the need

and respond.

I consider those people my heroes.”

I accept my place

And carry my crumb

Back to the table

To share with others who

Did the same

What a nourishing meal

A crumb has turned into a feast of cultures

And conversations

That all have goodness at their core 

I look around

and reflect of the moments

Of a bulldog trying to get up on a couch

And failing

And a soldier coming home

To his family

And a bully getting a beat down

And wailing

And I remember that good exists in this world

In every laugh

In every moment of love

For someone or something

Other than yourself

For every time that the good guy wins

And the bad guy loses

Are red cardigan capes

As strong as Superman’s.

I pick up the life novel

The one I thought was so boring

When I was just reading it 

With the light of hope off

I grab my pen

And write out a new ending

That someone does care

Someone always cares

Consistently.

Hope will never die.

#poetry #poems #spoken word #poet #dear diary

[420pogpills]

masterpost of random epic dnf moments

i find so much comfort in these posts that just contain links to loads and loads of epic clips so i wanted to make one of my favourite george&dream moments :’)... this took me several days okay.

in no particular order whatsoever

(♥♥♥) “so...dream.” “what?” “um, hello.” “hi”

(♡♡♡) “george!” “yeah?” “HEY 😁”

(♥♥♥) “that is actually george’s fish” “oh what? i will keep it safe” (bonus: giving fish back)

(♡♡♡) “you two and your inside jokes, you guys are such good friends”

(♥♥♥) “i saw an interesting donation on your stream”

(♡♡♡) “trust me. george - i’m handling it.”

(♥♥♥) “i’m not gonna be hurt if dream is next to me”

(♡♡♡) “you’re making me laugh it’s not even fair!”

(♥♥♥) “i shot you once” “no you shot me multiple times”

(♡♡♡) “oh that’s so hot”

(♥♥♥) “what you gonna do, fight me?”

(♡♡♡) “dream has my number because dream needs me sometimes”

(♥♥♥) “stop you’re hurting me” “i’m hurting you?”

(♡♡♡) “i’m very similar to george so i probably won't like it”

(♥♥♥) “i said i’m in the hot tub right now, he said ‘prove it’”

(♡♡♡) “dream stop killing me!”

(♥♥♥) “i’ve always wanted to explore my sexuality”

(♡♡♡) “this is what happens when you fall down my trap”

(♥♥♥) “i’m so used to having your attention 24/7″

(♡♡♡) “why are you so mean dream?”

(♥♥♥) “you know who reminds me of nemo? george”

(♡♡♡) “first thing’s first-” “i’m the realest”

(♥♥♥) “come hide with me”

(♡♡♡) “he looks so handsome, look at him, look at george”

(♥♥♥) “oh george” “oh dream”

(♡♡♡) “you love me?” “yes, i do”

(♥♥♥) “be careful george”

(♡♡♡) “you’re laughing at every different word i say”

(♥♥♥) “can i have the sword dream?” “say that you love me”

(♡♡♡) “just hug me george”

(♥♥♥) “i’m the mememan, my milk is delicious”

(♡♡♡) “george i’m gonna blow up - come with me”

(♥♥♥) “you couldn’t see what dream was doing”

(♡♡♡) “george is easily a top 10 mcc player”

(♥♥♥) “what would you say my weakness is?” “me”

(♡♡♡) “we were getting this computer repair guy - oh my god”

(♥♥♥) “every time you get near me you just get all red”

(♡♡♡) “you would follow me down here”

(♥♥♥) “dream is a simp for me” “yeah”

(♡♡♡) “nice dream!”

(♥♥♥) “smile - you see him everyday”

(♡♡♡) “you deserve punishment george”

(♥♥♥) “what are you doing george?” “i’m on twitter”

(♡♡♡) “george george george you look amazing george”

(♥♥♥) “you don’t have to follow me everywhere”

(♡♡♡) “get away from dream!”

(♥♥♥) “we’re in the stars”

(♡♡♡) thirdwheelboyhalo

(♥♥♥) “dream is so delightful”

(♡♡♡) “DREAM LET’S GO!”

(♥♥♥) “follow me, i’ll follow you actually - just take me”

(♡♡♡) “dream...” “i had to george, i had to”

(♥♥♥) “i trust my dream”

(♡♡♡) “you don’t brag about your looks”

(♥♥♥) “george just tell me you love me”

(♡♡♡) “someone said ‘dream do you think george is cute’?”

(♥♥♥) “kiss george” “that’s a pretty good forfeit”

(♡♡♡) “a plane ticket to dream’s house”

(♥♥♥) “okay that was pretty pog”

(♡♡♡) “i’ve been too focused on george”

(♥♥♥) little compilation

(♡♡♡) “why’d you say it like that?”

(♥♥♥) “dream’s trying to kill me, he’s killing me!”

(♡♡♡) “if you won, what would be your first date with george?”

(♥♥♥) “we do everything together”

(♡♡♡) “answer my question!”

(♥♥♥) “oh. yeah. but george too.”

(♡♡♡) “if you win, you have to kiss dream!”

(♥♥♥) “dream... i’m messing up” “oh are you still streaming?”

(♡♡♡) “be careful”

(♥♥♥) suspicious dancing

(♡♡♡) “don’t be greedy george”

(♥♥♥) just... this whole edit

(♡♡♡) “george is mine, go away”

(♥♥♥) “dreeeaaaaam i know you wanna help”

(♡♡♡) “george you’re a genius, george kiss me!”

(♥♥♥) “he was wearing like an oversized dream smile hoodie”

(♡♡♡) george compilation 10/10

(♥♥♥) “i don’t wanna hear you laugh”

(♡♡♡) “whenever dream tries to get a new speed run record he just disappears for a month”

(♥♥♥) laughing face to face

(♡♡♡) “can i have some stuff?”

(♥♥♥) “geoorrgeeee”

(♡♡♡) “he lives in your head actually rent free”

(♥♥♥) “you know quite often we just know what we’re talking about?”

(♡♡♡) “now it backfired because george knows me”

(♥♥♥) “he’s small it’s different”

(♡♡♡) “COME HERE GEORGE!”

(♥♥♥) “you can be my valentine if you want george”

(♡♡♡) “no mom no he broke up with me” (bonus: “george denied me”)

(♥♥♥) “just explain your reasoning for denying me” “you didn't mean it”

(♡♡♡) “goodnight george, goodnight gogy”

(♥♥♥) “dream just saved something from snapchat!”

(♡♡♡) “i’m breaking you out!”

(♥♥♥) “you’ll get punished george"

(♡♡♡) “guys this is like the cutest photo of george ever”

(♥♥♥) “guys i’m opening a new business” “selling george pictures?”

(♡♡♡) “don’t attack the wolf dream i’m not there to save you”

(♥♥♥) “you were like ‘you have to praise me now for 5 minutes’”

(♡♡♡) “why don’t you think i’m here?”

(♥♥♥) “we were playing geoguessr the other day”

(♡♡♡) “i am wheezing and dying and george is dying with me”

(♥♥♥) “you used to get mad at me for placing blocks beneath myself”

(♡♡♡) “you have to clip that” “no”

(♥♥♥) “c’mere”

(♡♡♡) “i almost died, water me!”

(♥♥♥) “me and george”

(♡♡♡) “i wouldn’t want to do it unless he’s here”

(♥♥♥) “me and george were literally holding hands in the hallway”

(♡♡♡) “you should get negative points if you’re an idiot”

(♥♥♥) “kiss”

(♡♡♡) “i thought you might want to confess something”

(♥♥♥) “we’ve been talking to each other for 10 hours?”

(♡♡♡) “i’m not here to disappoint you or anything”

(♥♥♥) “mimic my yawn, that means you love me you know that right?”

(♡♡♡) “i’m not helping you this round” “i need you”

(♥♥♥) “we’re literally on a boat”

(♡♡♡) “you’re so ridiculous”

(♥♥♥) “i fell asleep in a call with george”

(♡♡♡) “wow george you’re great”

(♥♥♥) “dream just went 👉🏻👉🏻”

(♡♡♡) “yessss let’s go” “wait let me pick you up!”

(♥♥♥) “dream sort this out!” “alright wait turn around”

(♡♡♡) “you have pretty privilege”

(♥♥♥) “george i have something that will cheer you up george”

(♡♡♡) “i’ve been by your side since the beginning george”

(♥♥♥) “sitting here forced to drink water, it has absolutely no flavour”

(♡♡♡) “gives back i’ll be good” “no no you won’t”

(♥♥♥) “don’t worry. i’m here george”

(♡♡♡) “dream say hi” “hi”

(♥♥♥) “so george why are you laying in bed while you’re talking to dream?”

(♡♡♡) “where did george go, george is not found”

(♥♥♥) “come over here greg i will save the day” “francis!”

(♡♡♡) “that’s not what you told me last night”

(♥♥♥) “please just swim drive the boat drive the boat”

(♡♡♡) “before i even met you, you had this ginormous impact”

(♥♥♥) “you’re not worthless george we love you”

(♡♡♡) “george is like the biggest idiot”

(♥♥♥) “alright fine i’ll play one more”

(♡♡♡) “you see george everywhere. you see what you wanna see”

(♥♥♥) “guess united kingdom because someone you love lives there”

(♡♡♡) “george don’t leave me”

(♥♥♥) “you say bolivia george?”

(♡♡♡) “why are you so feral?”

(♥♥♥) “you’re an idiot” “you’re the one who’s screaming to do it”

(♡♡♡) “”you’re so oh my god” “you’re so annoying”

(♥♥♥) “i trust you so m-so often”

(♡♡♡) “now i have you right where i want you”

(♥♥♥) “heads” “alright it was heads”

(♡♡♡) “george you’re the hottest piece of ass in dreamhunt”

(♥♥♥) “you said ‘just woke up’ and i said ‘me too, in sync bby’”

(♡♡♡) “dnf arc? yeah maybe”

(♥♥♥) *george shooting dnf into wall on csgo*

(♡♡♡) “george and dream’s brotherly relationship is so iconic”

(♥♥♥) “you can’t 👹LEAVE👹 it’s not allowed”

(♡♡♡) “oh we’re finishing each other’s sentences right now”

(♥♥♥) “you said you were gonna what, kiss me or something like that?”

(♡♡♡) “do you have a song that makes you think of dream?”

(♥♥♥) “here george take this take this george”

(♡♡♡) “hey dream” “hey george”

(♥♥♥) “do you have a crush on dream?” “yes, go on”

(♡♡♡) “i am proud of you” “wow thank you dream”

(♥♥♥) “1 dollar every hour” “for how many hours?”

(♡♡♡) “i clicked skip whoops - wait, where are all my balls?”

(♥♥♥) “get out of here GET OUUUUTTTT”

(♡♡♡) “i’m sleeping for at least 8 hours” “but then we’re gonna be out of sync again”

(♥♥♥) “this is actually disgusting, come to me where are you”

(♡♡♡) “thank you baby... oh no” “WHAT?”

(♥♥♥) “yeah i love dream so much”

(♡♡♡) “yes that is exactly what i was thinking dream”

(♥♥♥) “dream” “hi” “hello i’m streaming” “hi”

(♡♡♡) “mm poor little george”

(♥♥♥) “do you have fifty dollars?”

(♡♡♡) “please please half a heart half a heart!”

(♥♥♥) “that’s okay you wanna be near me, that’s fine”

(♡♡♡) “you would know all about the simp handbook wouldn’t you”

(♥♥♥) “please i need you” “i do need you”

(♡♡♡) “kill him!...or her.. or it..”

(♥♥♥) “cause he’s little gogy”

(♡♡♡) “do your parents know about gream?”

(♥♥♥) just... cuteness

(♡♡♡) “wait george my minecraft’s starting my minecraft’s starting”

(♥♥♥) “te amo sueno”

(♡♡♡) “yeah that was my idea” “yeah just like last night”

(♥♥♥) “you can just say he’s a bottom”

(♡♡♡) this entire video

(♥♥♥) “why are you leaving me?” “alright fine”

(♡♡♡) “george you look good in a suit”

(♥♥♥) “i have a present for george!”

(♡♡♡) “why don’t you want to facetime me?” “i haven’t shaved”

(♥♥♥) “dream’s killing me, why are you killing me?”

(♡♡♡) “george i thought you were going to choose me”

(♥♥♥) “you wanna watch a beautiful sunset? just for you dream”

(♡♡♡) “we don’t text that much” “we text everyday”

(♥♥♥) “georgie poooo come here”

(♡♡♡) “oh beat me dream beat me”

(♥♥♥) “you are so impressive dream”

(♡♡♡) “i just ran for like a million hours”

(♥♥♥) “mydic--kslong has subscribed, thank you..”

(♡♡♡) all of these moments are too funny

(♥♥♥) “dreeaaaam! loooook!” “oh he’s cute”

(♡♡♡) “oh george~” “this is scary”

(♥♥♥) “george do that water drop sound”

(♡♡♡) “why is everyone saying ‘george explain the text?’”

(♥♥♥) “why are you saying it like that?” “that’s how you said it”

(♡♡♡) “i’m going to my secret stash”

(♥♥♥) “it said ‘name a dessert’” “you should’ve put me”

(♡♡♡) “i need to come” “you wanna come?”

(♥♥♥) “i have missed your face!”

(♡♡♡) just.. this entire video

(♥♥♥) more on george sleep talking

(♡♡♡) “that’s the same height difference between me and you george”

(♥♥♥) “you’re doing extremely well george. just calm down.”

(♡♡♡) “george~” “stOP. stop it”

(♥♥♥) “i know dream loves me a lot but unfortunately i don’t love him back”

(♡♡♡) “it’s fun to make him more afraid”

(♥♥♥) “someone said ‘dream do you think george is cute?’”

(♡♡♡) “oh we know george we know how hot you are”

(♥♥♥) “dream has friendship hacks”

(♡♡♡) “let’s watch a movie” feat. sapnap

(♥♥♥) “the only man i’m into is george”

(♡♡♡) “you broke my heart dream by....breaking my heart”

(♥♥♥) “keep lying to him george”

(♡♡♡) dream team not dnf but i love this so watch it plz

(♥♥♥) “you turn your camera off to sneeze? it’s okay we love you”

(♡♡♡) “dance with me dream”

(♥♥♥) “dweaaaam pleaseeee”

(♡♡♡) “it’s fine dream, i’ll stream another day” “waaaaaaah!”

(♥♥♥) “i just wanna talk to you”

(♡♡♡) “you’re just like interesting in general george”

(♥♥♥) “when’s my birthday dream?”

(♡♡♡) “here these are for you 🌹”

(♥♥♥) “i love you george”

(♡♡♡) “i’ll fight you in sumo when you’re in my house”

(♥♥♥) “we’re going together aaaaah”

(♡♡♡) “guess what, i had faith in you”

(♥♥♥) “or OR.. we could... kiss?”

(♡♡♡) “i haven’t had my first kiss” “that's a lie, you kissed me”

(♥♥♥) “hey dream give me an ak.... please”

AND OF COURSE THERE ARE SO MANY MORE BUT... i cannot do this any longer therefore the rest are compilations because i cannot do this any longer

(♥♥♥) every time george has said ‘i love you’ (kind of) to dream

(♡♡♡) dreamnotfound moments

(♥♥♥) gaymest moments

(♡♡♡) rare moments

(♥♥♥) wholesome

(♡♡♡) idiot compilation

(♥♥♥) love languages compilation

BONUS: this soulmate compilation...

SO ORIGINAL POST - links wouldn’t work when reblogged because it went over link limit with everyone tagged, so i will reblog with everyone who’s clips i’ve included!

#georgenotfound #dream #dreamwastaken #dreamnotfound #dnf #dream smp #mcyt

[angelicspaceprince]

Yandere Profile - Scaramouche

Profile is from this post by @cinnamonest.

Dark and mature content under the cut, 18+ only.

Obviously this is yandere, so dark themes below including discussions of murder, non-con, torture tactics and writing in the view of Scaramouche (so...it’s kinda mean in some places and deluded in others). Also, want me to do one for another Genshin character? Feel free to send me an request here. 

Also like. Mild, mild spoilers for the last Inazuma Archon Quest and the Labyrinth Warriors quests - I know they’ve been out for a while/finished, but ya know. In case ya needed a warning.

What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

Definitely possessive, definitely selfish, I think he’d be too far in his own thoughts and feelings to really realise that his feelings aren’t healthy - that or he simply doesn’t care. He wants you, he loves you, therefore he must have you, no matter the price.

He would kidnap you in broad daylight tbh, he just does not give a shit. He will murder anyone who gets in his way, be it someone flirting with you or simply a guard who asked too many questions as to why you were acting so bizarrely in the middle of the day, and why were there three Fatui guards surrounding the one carrying you- Too many questions, dead.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

Oh, he will kidnap you within days of figuring out that he wants you. There will be no waiting around for long periods, it’ll be just enough to figure out your routine and devise a plan on how to grab you without causing you too much harm. Drugging is his poison of choice, but he will be creative if he has to be.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape?

I think, initially, he’d trap you on something like a boat in the middle of the sea so there is no escape, or take you somewhere so far away from your home that even if you did manage to escape, he would have all the time in the world to hunt you down and drag you back.

You would be collared, you would have a leash, and you would have a Fatui guard with you at all times. If you behave well, the leash wouldn’t be attached to the ground or wall, and if you behave really well, the leash would go all together. But you would have to build his trust.

As for an attempted escape....not well. He would put you under lock and key and unleash hell upon you as punishment - can’t you tell that you’re his? Don’t you realise how much he loves you? Yes you don’t love him yet, but you will soon! You’ve just got to give him a chance!

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

Really difficult. You’d have to be pulling a long con in order to deceive him enough to escape.

The only ‘plan’ that I can think of that would work would be if you slowly built his trust, obeying every word he said, doing everything he asked of you, making him feel like you feel the same back and got him to the point that you were allowed outside without a guard. But even then, you’d have to return a few times after running errands so he thinks that you will always return to him so then when you do run away, his immediate thought isn’t ‘they’re trying to escape’ its ‘they’ve gotten hurt/they need help’ - which would grant you more time to get more distance between the two of you.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

It would depend on how you act if I’m honest. If you go along with his fantasy of you loving him back (or you genuinely do) then your restrictions wouldn’t be that great - mostly would be with how you dressed (he’d decide what you were wearing and you wouldn’t get much say in that), what you ate (again, you wouldn’t get much say outside of dietary requirements), who you associated with (namely, next to no one except for Scara and some of the Harbingers) and you would have to have a guard on you whenever you left the house for a while before he trusted you enough to leave the house independently. He’d very much take away the privileges you do have if you got mouthy at him or disagreed in any way, but usually you could work on getting them back - think of it more as a grounding than a permanent removal of freedom.

If you fight back though? Oh. Every ounce of freedom you once had has been taken away. You would be trapped in a room, chained a wall or the floor, with your only contact being Scaramouche. You would have no say in anything, what you wore, what you eat, when you eat, when you sleep, when you bathe, when you can speak, when you can socialise, what you can do- everything would be restricted to the bare essentials until you learn your place. He will break you, make you fear everyone else but him, make you realise that you need to rely completely on him, and complete and total isolation is the way he’ll do it. You’ll learn to trust him, because it’s through him that you’re allowed to stay alive. You’ll learn to love him, because once your punishment is over, you’ll be able to see how truly amazing he is and realise that your feelings of hatred before? Were actually of pure, unadulterated love - such a simple thing to get mixed up, yes?

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

Again, it’d mostly be around respecting him and obeying him. Scaramouche is such a loose canon, I feel like most of his rules would change at the drop of a hat. The ones that stay the same no matter what would be:

1. Ask permission before you do anything, and I mean anything.

2. Obey is every word, even if he contradicts himself, you obey to the best of your abilities.

3. Be thankful for your punishments, he’s only doing them to make you into a better person.

4. Never question anything he does.

5. Don’t try and disobey him, or run away. He knows what’s best for you, and running away will only end in more harm than good.

He’d be heavy with the electro, regardless if you break his rules but if you do? You’ll be in for a world of pain. He’d have a room that is more a cell ready to throw you in, delivering his punishment before leaving you there alone, in the dark and cold. Isolation from him is also punishment because he is pretty much your only social interaction throughout the day. He’d leave you there until you were crying for him to come back, begging for just some interaction or some break from the punishment room. I feel like the physical punishment would be more of a way to remind you long term to behave and who controls every aspect of your life/who owns you because there would be scarring but for him? He enjoys the psychological torture punishments more.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

He’ll just kill them. If it’s someone who has showed romantic interest in you (real or perceived) and you’ve shown interest back (again, real or perceived), then he’ll do it himself with a spot of torture just for fun. Anything else? Then he’ll just send some Fatui members to deal with them.

The only other circumstance would be if someone was trying to save you (like the Traveller for example) then he would intervene and try and kill them himself as ‘proof’ of his love and dedication to you, but also because the Traveller is like a cockroach that he wants to squish underneath his heel - two birds, one stone.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

He has anger management problems, let’s face it. I feel like it’d be explosive at first, but if its a reoccurring matter or something that he sees unfolding then he’d become cold and calculating, like he’s approaching the issue in the same manner he approaches Harbinger business. He’d make you think that you have succeeded in your endeavour only to then ruin your plan in front of you, making sure that you know that you have failed in every single aspect. If it involves a third party, he will, 100%, hurt them in front of you as punishment before having them killed - depending on the severity of what you’ve done, you will witness their execution or you may be spared from it.

Do they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

Beneath. He views himself as a near god imo, personally I think he’s taken the Gnosis and fucked off in order to become an Archon but anyway that’s another post so he thinks you should worship the ground he walks on. You’re lucky that he loves you, because no one else would have escaped the amount of pain and annoyance you have caused him. You are nothing without him, even if you don’t realise it. You are beneath him, unable to make the simplest of decisions without fucking it up. A failure of a mortal. It really would be best if you simply turned to him and allowed him to control every aspect of your life, after all, an Archon’s main concern is always the quality of their faithful servant’s lives.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

He already thinks that you do love him, you’re just confused with what emotion you’re currently feeling because it’s too strong. But if you never see it for what it is, then that’s okay with him. He’ll make you see it, and until then, he’s just content to have you where he wants you.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

How his style of yandere-ing changes at the drop of a hat.

He’s two-faced in every aspect of his life, so he’s good at appearing to be something he’s not. Before kidnapping you, he will attempt to charm you until you lower your guard enough to let him in, but the second you’re alone, the mask will drop. He loves you, he does, but he also has an agenda that needs to be kept to. Your initial reaction will shape how he will treat you for the entirety of your time with him, act violently and you will be broken, act pleasantly and there will be less of a physical threat against you. No matter what, the amount of psychological warfare against you will stay roughly the same.

NSFW:

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? 

He is very sexual imo, horny bastard man. He will ruin you in a blink of an eye simply because he can or felt like it. It’s just another way to get closer to you, to reward you and to punish you depending on what he is trying to achieve.

How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

In public, he has a persona he puts on. Most people don’t think he’s a very sexual person because he barely even touches you with the exception to lead you around the room with a simple hand to the base of your back or a hand squeezing yours tightly. The only reason things don’t get sexual in public or where there is a very, very real threat of being caught is because of his need to keep up the act of being untouchable and cold. Caught doing something so primal in such an undignified manner? Out of the question. Although, he does love to play with you in public settings where the risk of getting caught is very, very low - he plays it up to you so you always think you’re on the brink of getting caught though, just so he can enjoy the panic in your voice and face.

But in private? Very touchy. Can’t keep his hands off of you. In his mind, you’re practically married so that means he should have full access to your body whenever he wishes. There are no reservations with him, you are his and he is yours and everything you two do sexually should be shared and nothing should be off limits with the exception of permanent physical harm to you, death to either of you, and any form of physical harm to him.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

He literally does not care. You’ll learn to love it eventually, when you’ve finally broken past that wall in your mind that’s stopping you from loving him. He will take what he wants, when he wants it, and he will make sure you enjoy it too (aka, he’ll always make sure you cum) but you do not get a say in when or where it happens. He wants sex, you’re having sex. On the rare occasion that you want sex and he doesn’t though? It’s like trying to move a boulder, mostly because he enjoys seeing you frustrated.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

There is a long list, mostly to do with marking and ownership tho. To name a few tho? Petplay, daddy kink, sir kink, master kink, cumplay, marking, pred/prey, sadomasochism, electroplay, CNC, dehumanisation, degradation/humiliation, mind break, cock-warming-

Again, the list is huge.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

I feel like he’d have a breeding kink but not want babies. If he did, it’d be just to tie you down to him even further, adding that extra edge of being trapped to him. Pregnancy too, it’d just be to make it harder for you to escape. Breeding in general? Just another way to mark you and it known that you are his.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

Hmm. Overstim I can kinda see being a thing for punishment, or edging. I feel like his punishments would be very much non-sexual tbh, unless he’s trying to train you to crave his dick then he would just. Fuck you until you came. Again, it would depend on what part of your relationship you were in. If you were wanting to have sex with him, then he’d make you cockwarm him and make it that if you move, you don’t get to cum. If you cum without permission, then you get overstimmed until it hurts/it’s impossible for you to cum anymore. But if it’s when you don’t want to have sex with him, he’d edge you until you broke, begging for release/his dick/whatever.

But for the most part? I don’t think his punishments would be sexual, even if you don’t want to have sex with him, he doesn’t view that as a punishment just....a view that needs nudging in a different direction.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

Neck. I said this in the NSFW Alphabet, but he loves your neck because of how fragile it looks with his fingers wrapped around it. He loves how he can turn your look of anger into one of pure fear as he squeezes down, limiting the blood supply to your brain. He loves how it looks littered in bruises caused by his hands, his mouth, his teeth - he loves how much control he has over you by simply placing his hand around your neck.

#toby writes #fanfiction #toby's writing #fanfic #angelicspaceprince #scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche/reader #scaramouche headcanons #yandere #yandere genshin impact #yande #yandere genshin x reader #yandere scaramouche #yandere scaramouche/reader #genshin impact #genshin impact fanfic #genshin impact headcanons

[ryuuaka713]

Bungou Stray Dogs Dead Apple: “You used corruption, believing in me? How Beautiful.” A “DISSECTION” OF THE SCENE

I mentioned before in one of the posts by @nataliaphantomhivesblog​, where we were discussing about the corruption scenes in BSD, that the scene in Dead Apple is my favorite. So, I decided (like any SKK trash) to make an “analysis” of that scene, just to make a point why I like it the most compared to the other corruption scenes (as if this post is the definition of being productive like I’ll just wasting my time rambling here LOL)

I divided this post into two parts. Part 1 is the more difficult one where I am attempting to write some “character analysis”. While Part 2 is more about how the scene is composed (it’s pretty boring. I’m sorry)

I will NOT include the infamous Lap scene (I know. I know. We all love that moment. But I would rather focus on the scenes before that).

Side note: I do not specialize in film or literary critique, so really this whole post is just for fun. Thus, why I put quotes on the analysis. Take this is as my personal opinion where I’m attempting to make sense by making it sound “fancy”.

But anyway. Here it goes:

In every Corruption scene, the thematic notion is always Trust—as in Chuuya trusts Dazai well enough to use his ability so long as he is present to nullify it. It is a very life-threatening process, especially for Chuuya since Corruption, despite being one of the most powerful abilities, can cause self-destruction the longer he uses it. So, Dazai should keep a close watch on him at all times, and then even giving him a sense of comfort to compensate to Chuuya’s worn-out body and for his efforts. This is the same trajectory in all 5 episodes of Corruption, but out of all of them, what stood out the most (for me) is the scene from Dead Apple. 

This scene has amazed me ever since I first watched the movie. And while it just shows their infinite trust, the whole execution of this scene evokes more than just that thematic concept. What I see in this scene is something that all of us have already witnessed, but there is something unique in the way Dazai nullifies Chuuya’s corruption, and their dialogue may be just them bantering and yet, their tonality is different. It is as if, we just touched a moment that is reserved only for these two and we just happened to have the privilege to witness it. In other words, there is a sort of familiarity (or intimacy) and gentleness going on at this very moment—it is cathartic. This is what I want to look into—like how did we come to this?

PART 1: His Proper Partner.

In the Japanese version, ever since the episode where Chuuya made his first debut, they call themselves “aibou” (相棒), referring to a one-on-one partnership. While “nakama” (仲間)can also refer to a partner, it has a different connotation in which the closest English equivalent of that term would be “comrade” or “acquaintance”. The closest English equivalent of “aibou” is, to no one’s surprise, “partner” (or “pal”). And it makes sense, considering that the first kanji (相) can mean “mutual”, “together”, or “each other”. So, to have Dazai and Chuuya referring to themselves as that, it just manifests their familiarity on each other.

And in their case, their “familiarity” is both their advantage and disadvantage. It is a “disadvantage” because they use it to get on each other’s nerves (both in comedic and serious situations).

However, it also serves to their advantage, especially when they have to cooperate in the battlefield. This comes into light in the Lovecraft Episode where they executed Operation Shame and Toad—Chuuya acknowledges Dazai’s tactical mentality, whereas Dazai (as he referenced Chuuya’s mastery in martial arts) let’s his partner do the grunt work. Interesting enough, this is the same episode we first see Chuuya’s Corruption (but not the first time he uses it).

Using Corruption stipulates that “familiarity”, especially in Dazai’s part who has to be present to monitor Chuuya’s physical state, therefore he is aware, not just the consequence in using Corruption, but also of Chuuya’s limit. This explains why Dazai declares that he is aware of Chuuya’s moves and “breathing pattern”, otherwise, as what he himself says, he “won’t be a proper partner”.

What is witnessed in the Lovecraft Episode is the standard protocol that Soukoku uses when they are at their last resort. So, it is not a surprise that we get to witness Chuuya using Corruption, again, when he saves Dazai in Dead Apple, except it is done differently.

Even though Dazai is ten steps ahead of the enemy, the situation is still risky and even more complicated in Chuuya’s part since he is using his ability WITHOUT Dazai present. And that he has to save Dazai first before he can get it nullified. With that being said, it requires a careful approach, one in which they know the other’s moves—Dazai knows too well how Chuuya would react. For instance, the manga version of Dead Apple demonstrates how Soukoku communicates in their operation using “codes”. As such when Dazai got himself kidnapped, no one knew about his whereabouts until Hirotsu mentions about Dazai buying a microscope (to which it leads them to a dead end). However, Chuuya—upon remembering that Dazai teases that he needs a microscope in order to see him—demands to see that microscope, breaks it, and finds the transmitter. It is a well-planned strategy in Dazai’s part where all it takes is to leave helpful clues for Chuuya to pick up and catalyze the operation. In the Dead Apple movie, he does it again:

Indeed, for the audience, it is not new to see Dazai planning ahead and having ulterior motives behind his actions. It is not new to see Chuuya executing his plans and understands his motives either. But seeing these two working together despite those four years of absence, and without physically communicating is beyond human comprehension. Almost like the microscope scene, Dazai is not there to directly tell him about his plan. Chuuya doesn’t know about the antidote until that punch as his only “clue” is that Dazai is working alone, so he sees that something is amiss.

Seeing the critical state of Yokohama, Chuuya knows that he will use Corruption, but seeing Dazai’s corpse, it gives this uncertainty on whether they can make it out alive or not. And yet, what did Chuuya do? He jumped off the plane and activates his ability, knowing that there is “no time to chicken out” or else Dazai’s plan won’t work, and they’ll end up dead. Even if it means doing the job to protect the city, it still takes guts for Chuuya to work and place his life on someone he “hates”. Despite those 4 years of absence, the scene in Dead Apple just manifests that they never doubt each other’s capabilities. And to further validate this, let’s check out their dialogue:

           Dazai: You used Corruption, believing in me? How beautiful.

           Chuuya: Yeah I did. I believe in your disgusting vitality and craftiness.

           Dazai: That was a somewhat violent way to wake up Snow White.

           Chuuya: Tch. You’re the one who hid an antidote your mouth knowing I would punch you.          

Not only does this scene perfectly parallels to the Lovecraft episode where we see Soukoku bantering while still in a critical situation, it also emphasizes the degree of their trust and how that trust has taken root from their familiarity.

Dazai: You used Corruption, believing in me? How beautiful.

Chuuya: Yeah I did. I believe in your disgusting vitality and craftiness.

Dazai’s first line is the main idea of their partnership, echoing Chuuya’s quote from the Lovecraft episode: “I used Corruption because I trust you”. This is a vital aspect in their relationship since it has been stated before in Fifteen and Stormbringer that “no one has trusted Dazai”… until Chuuya comes into the picture. Ever since their first teamwork against Rimbaud, Dazai finally has someone he can rely on both in strength and assurance, even smiling at the fact that Chuuya doesn’t even deny his proposal but merely asks for his reason.

With that being said, then it is appropriate for Dazai to say that line, touched by the idea that Chuuya still constantly trusts him. It just reminisced so much from what they have as children that it seems to this day, they never forgotten about it.

On the other hand, in Chuuya’s end, he confirms that trust and provides a reason, which is appropriate since Chuuya is Dazai’s “reason-living” like in Fifteen:

Chuuya’s line—“I believe in your disgusting vitality and craftiness”—is very similar in the excerpt from Fifteen, and this just shows how that line from the movie indicates his familiarity to Dazai. By “familiarity”, I mean that he knows his partner’s mental process and motives (as I have mentioned above). In this case, it seems like Chuuya has seen something that he and Dazai have in common: the desire to live. Of course, the latter always craves for death, but with his new viewpoint on Death, his mission in fulfilling Oda’s wish, and the fact that he is tethered to someone who wished to live, Dazai just couldn’t die. And Chuuya, being his constant companion, knows this. This is why Chuuya “believes” that whatever plan Dazai has on mind, it will always work, and in the scenario in Dead Apple it starts by taking a leap into Corruption—which is ironically, the very thing that could kill Chuuya, and by extent, would cause Dazai’s death if the plan is not well-thought or if they don’t work together. By referring to his “vitality and craftiness”, Chuuya is acknowledging his familiarity on Dazai, admitting their “rotten relationship”, and justifying his trust on him.

Dazai: That was a somewhat violent way to wake up Snow White.

Chuuya: Tch. You’re the one who hid an antidote your mouth knowing I would punch you.

Another interesting thing I find in the dialogue is Dazai’s line: “That was a somewhat violent way to wake up Snow White”. Fans think that this is Dazai flirting, where he is implying that he wants to be kissed by Chuuya the same way the prince does to Snow White. For me, I think this little dialogue is more than just fanservice since it makes sense, not only in the context of the movie containing motifs of a “poisoned” apple. I think the reference of the fairytale in this dialogue not only foreshadows his “death”, but it also highlights their dynamic whenever they work together with Dazai acting childish and Chuuya knowing that he is actually being serious (or the fact that he cracks some jokes in most Post-Corruption scenes). This is still related to the whole “familiarity” theme that I have been rambling about; as mentioned before, Dazai and Chuuya would use whatever they know about each other just to rile each other up. These moments are generally meant for comedic effect, but these teasing and bickering can serve as their advantage.

Similar to the microscope scene I have mentioned, Dazai makes that microscope comment seem like a childish joke on the surface, however, Chuuya picks this up as a clue and sees his real motive. This kind of synergy is seen again in the prologue of the movie where Dazai jokes about Chuuya getting hit by bullets when he is in close range of the enemy, and yet, the latter takes it as a warning that an ability-user is nearby. We really don’t know if Dazai leaves a Snow White-related clue for Chuuya before the events in Dead Apple (it would have been pretty cool tho), but that dynamic in the microscope incident and prologue is very similar to that dialogue we see in the movie: Dazai is being playful, but Chuuya sees and calls out his ulterior motives. This is how Soukoku works!

PART 2: The Art of Catharsis

The relationship of Soukoku in the battlefield is one of the best teamwork we have seen in the anime. Both parties are synchronized in the way that Dazai’s brains and No Longer Human, and Chuuya’s fighting skills and Corruption perfectly compliment each other. Moreover, we also see the basis of that partnership, and this is something that the creators want to highlight in this scene (in other words, how did the animators deliver this dynamic?)

In my opinion, I think the words “gentleness” and “cathartic” fit in this scene. To start off, before this moment takes place, we have witnessed Chuuya fighting the Dragon.

That scene was intense! Chuuya activates Corruption, generates into pure destruction with him yelling Dazai’s name (despite the fact that he is not supposed to be in a proper mindset). The way this scene plays out is interesting; in the shot, we see the two main figures (the Dragon and Chuuya) mostly in red—which is a very vibrant color—in contrast to the blue and green background. By using the color that pops out, the attention is on them, and it is topped with the amount of action in that moment. Not to mention, the background music, containing a rock music and a rap, elevates that energy. It is a scene that heightens the adrenaline, so the audience can empathize with Chuuya—understanding him as a character that is full of life, and also his hastiness to kill it before he runs out of time.

When that fight is over, we notice that the music alters into a string orchestra. This is a very good change because the tempo is slower—a direct contrast to the rap music—as if it is slowly bringing the audience down from the hype in the fighting scene the same way Chuuya slowly goes down and hovers Dazai’s body. The music immediately stops right on cue when the punch happens, then the audience is left in silence. Usually in films, silence is used for the purpose of anticipation. In this case, the anticipation is placed on whether Chuuya’s punch and/or the pill worked and saved Dazai.

The transition from the white background into a blue background should indicate that Dazai is alive. And yet, the animators did this subtly rather than showing Dazai’s face (like in Season 1 episode 1), just so the audience is still in the state of anticipation (add that with the white noise in the background). Furthermore, there is a fairytale quality in that shot, like this is similar to when Sleeping Beauty (in this case “Snow White”) wakes up, that’s when the colors in the castle come back.

Getting close to that iconic shot, I love how the animators keep the “camera” in the same place (Chuuya’s face), that way we can further empathize with Chuuya by seeing a close shot of his state: he was at his limit! But as soon as the blood starts moving away from the screen, we can see a bandaged hand moving to his face. And then, finally!

Words cannot describe how much I appreciate the details of that scene, especially on Dazai’s gesture. He moves his hand slowly but quick enough to nullify him right on time. Not to mention, he does not just touch his cheek but rather cups it (look at the shape of his hand!). One can say that the gentleness in Dazai’s gesture is the exact opposite to Chuuya’s punch, and this sort of contrast further highlights the catharsis in this scene. In other words, after all of that intensity with the fight and seeing Chuuya’s bloody state, it is relieving to see that familiar hand touching him, indicating that Chuuya can rest. And seeing that we witnessed and empathize with him, we know what it feels like.

With that being said, that’s why the third shot above where the hand is fully placed on his cheek and he made a short gasp is my personal favorite. It is the contrast in Chuuya’s face where we can still see “Corruption”, and Dazai’s hand to which he activates “No Longer Human”. I have seen some people complaining about how they want to see Dazai’s face in this scene; personally, I think this scene is animated brilliantly as it is. It is only fair to see a close up of Dazai’s hand to indicate that he is nullifying “Corruption”, after all, “No Longer Human” is works through touch. To top it off, the beauty in “not seeing the face” is more powerful because it leaves more to the imagination—we don’t know specifically what kind of face Dazai is making, but the way that hand moves alone is enough to tell us what he is thinking at that moment. And finally, upon contact, we see Chuuya making a slight twitch—this is when Corruption recognizes No Longer Human and deactivates. This is when Chuuya recognizes that familiar touch and knows that his partner is finally awake, so he can finally rest.

Then we have that iconic shot! Like the one I mentioned above, the camera stays in one place, only this time, it is a long shot, so the focus is on them (thus they are on the middle). Interesting enough, there is no background music in this scene, and we can’t see their expressions. Usually, in this anime, when a character is seen faceless, in order to determine what they are thinking are feeling, the animators would usually make them do a gesture or a dialogue.

In this scene, where everything is silent and their faces “unseen”, our focus goes to their exchanges. Both Mamoru and Taniyama use their “bedroom voices”, and I think it is appropriate considering that their dialogue contains a deeper meaning in regards of their relationship. In other words, as mentioned before, it may seem like another day of bantering, but with their tone, there is something sincere and intimate in what they are saying. Also, the playfulness in Dazai’s comment and Chuuya’s response hits different compared to their other moments of constant yelling. You really don’t need the close up of their faces in order to see that they are at peace in each other’s company.

In addition, the color scheme of the scene is predominantly blue, which makes sense, not just because of Dazai’s ability, but also because it highlights the serenity in the scene. The blue color, the orb, and the bandages that glide silently are animated in a way that they buffer out the red that we have seen back with Corruption, and also indicates a sense of “protection” (which is later seen in the lap scene when Dazai has to protect Chuuya from the fog). In short, the ambiance perfectly fits with how Dazai is there to give Chuuya a sense of comfort in Post-Corruption, letting him rest so that he can compensate for all that he did.

**********

The scene in Dead Apple is something that lies in between of the familiar and the new—we have seen Dazai and Chuuya in this situation before, we know how they function as a team, and we know the level of risk they are taking. But this is something that we have never seen before; like subtleness in his gestures, the softness in their tones, and the fact that these two are in a position where they are saving each other, which becomes part of their instincts. They show how much they trust each other by knowing how much they knew of each other. They acknowledge the fact that their fates are tethered regardless of the years of absence. And finally, it is not just the Prince saving Snow White, but rather: the Prince saves Snow White and Snow White saving him in return.

OK, I just literally fried my brain. If you’ve read this far, I thank you so much for your time! I am so sorry if this is too long. I welcome for any critiques or discussions. So yeah, that’s my ted-talk

#soukoku #bsd #bsd analysis #dazai x chuuya #skk #Dazai Osamu #Nakahara Chuuya #chuuya nakahara #bsd manga #bsd dead apple #dead apple #bsd fifteen #bungou stray dogs #I dont even know if this makes sense #That moment when I said that I can make a five-paged essay of this and realized it's no longer a joke (*ﾉωﾉ)

[atpaftmoom-bily]

Thoughts about Erik, why Wilhelm wasn't allowed to come out, and more.

Be warned, this is long, confusing, and I'm not even sure if I made any valid points. But I had thoughts on Young Royals, with no one to talk to, so here you go.

I've seen various different takes on Erik and what people thought his reaction would have been if Willie had come out to him, most of them being positive, and some as well saying how sad it was that Willie never got to come out to his brother. I have a different take, but bear with me it's gonna take a second to get there.

Something that I found interesting in the first place was that when August found out it was Simon and not a girl, he just seemed shocked, but not in a homophobic way that I had kind of been expecting.

Additionally, let's take a look at the comments on the video, I've split them up into three different groups. General comments (disbelief, surprise, pity, etc.), comments sexualizing them, and negative comments. (I've translated these as well as I could as they were not all captioned, but if I've made a mistake feel free to let me know!)

General Comments "OMG Have you seen this?? The Prince is gay!!!!" "Who's the other guy?" "I'm dead" "Finally some news to put Sweden on the map!" "Poor boys, I feel sorry for them" "So clumsy to get caught on film" "I know where he lives!" "I think the video is fake" "Love for the boys"

Sexualizing Comments "Royal porn" "Sexy" "Love" "Sexiest video ever"

Negative Comments "How will the monarchy survive this?" "The end of the royal family, time for Sweden to become a republic!" "Never been ashamed about being Swedish until now" "Class traitor! Your mother cries for your sins"

Now, there are quite a few things I want to point out about Sweden that I feel should be taken into account here. Of course, we don't know the exact dates that the show took place, but we do know it is modern-day, and though it is a work of fiction, I am going to assume that anything that is currently true in Sweden at the moment, give or take a few years, would also be true in the Young Royals universe.

The first point I would like to make is that Sweden is one of the most LGBT-friendly countries, even being named the most friendly country in 2019. Looking back in history, 1944 was when Sweden decriminalized sexual relationships between consenting adults of the same sex, though it was still thought to be an illness. However, in 1979 it was no longer considered an illness. Fun unrelated fact, but Sweden was the first country to legalize gender change in 1979. (If you'd like to read more on LGBT rights in Sweden here are some resources. One. Two.) If Sweden is that progressive and is that LGBT-friendly, then I wondered what the problem was with Willie coming out, so I dug some more.

I'm American, so my understanding of many parts of the world is unfortunately skewed or incomplete, but I'm working on changing that. However, because of this, one thing that surprised me in my research was that the monarchy in Sweden is more of a unifying symbol than anything else. They have no political affinity or formal powers, but rather "the King’s duties are mainly of a ceremonial and representative nature." Of course in the case of Young Royals, the Queen inherited the throne, and Wilhelm would after her.

Something else I found interesting about the monarchy in Sweden is that the current Queen, Queen Silvia, did not come from a line of nobility, so when Queen Silvia and King Carl Gustaf married in 1976, it was highly unusual. (See more on the Swedish monarchy here.)

There is one last thing I want to point out about the current King and Queen. "In summer 2000, King Carl XVI Gustaf and Queen Silvia of Sweden made history when they ate under the rainbow flag at Djurgårdsterrassen, a Stockholm restaurant owned by gay owner Arto Winter. At that time, the decision was seen as controversial, and played a valuable role in moving conversations forward – while making the royals’ position abundantly clear." (Source)

Now, of course, I understand the difference between a fictional work and real-life situations, but at least in my opinion, these same ideals should carry through to the show that we see. If the King and Queen in real life have been openly supportive of the LGBT community since at least 2000, then although specifics might not be the same, some of those ideals should carry through to Young Royals, so what is the problem, right?

I'm not trying to erase the reality of homophobia altogether, because of course, that exists. We even see in the show through comments that there are some people who are worried about the state of the monarchy, are disgusted, or downright still think that not being straight is a sin, but we also see other comments as well. If Wilhelm were to come out, what would happen? Would there be some backlash? 100%. Would there be people who would support him? Also 100%. Would it make his life harder? Probably, but would he be happier? In my opinion, yes, but I guess that's a question that Wilhelm would have to gauge on his own.

Now I want to look deeper at the conversation that Wille has with his mother, the Queen, in the car on the way home so he can give a statement to the media. Below is an excerpt from their dialogue.

---

Wilhelm: Why can't I just have a relationship with him? And not say anything. Just live a normal life.

Queen: You're the crown prince. And that's a privilege, not a punishment.

Wilhelm: Yes, but I didn't ask for this!

Queen: Well, nobody has ever, ever asked for this! You are the only one who can take over the throne after Erik. Don't you understand that? You are so young. When you're young, love feels like the most important thing in the whole world. When I was your age, I too had an unfortunate romance. That was before I met your father. What I mean is, is it worth it? If you feel that the attention you've been getting so far is unacceptable, it's nothing compared to what you will endure for the rest of your life. We have a chance to cover this up, I urge you to take that chance. You may not get another."

---

Something I find interesting is how much Willie just wants to live a normal life, which I get. He is under so much pressure, from being a role model, his brother's death that he hasn't even had time to process, preparing to be king someday, and (kind of) being outed to the entire world, but at least his school. It's enough to make anyone want to live normally. I think the biggest thing we have to think about here is the Queen's question as well. Is it worth it? She is right of course, the attention he will get will always be there, but I do think that Willie would be able to find a way to be happy along with being King. It shouldn't have to be a case of either-or, and ultimately I don't think it is.

Now I'm going to move back to Erik, and really, this ties everything back to the start where I mentioned I had a different take on Erik's reaction to Willie being not straight. I think that Erik already knew. It would make sense for a variety of reasons. In the show, it is obvious that the two of them have a good relationship. We also hear Erik tell Willie, "you can trust him, he's like a brother," in episode one when speaking about August, showing that trust is something strong between them as brothers. I'm not exactly sure how old Wilhelm is meant to be in the show, but I estimate somewhere around sixteen. I would like to assume that sometime before attending Hillerska, he may have had a crush or felt some attraction to a guy. We also can see from their phone call in episode three, that they're not afraid to joke around with each other about such things, meaning that Erik would most likely be the first person that Willie would go to about such things.

Another thing that makes me believe Erik already knew has to do with people assuming that Simon is the first guy that Willie has liked. Now, I know things are not the same for everyone, but if we consider what happens when the video is posted, and Willie had to deny it is him, we can conclude that being anything other than straight in their family is not okay, simply because they are royals, and the media attention will be too much. Imagine you've known your whole life, you can't be something, the first instance you encounter that, you're probably not going to give in right away. I'm talking at least some minor internalized homophobia here or something.

So put that into the context of Simon and Willie's first kiss in episode two. Simon kisses Willie twice before Willie says "Well, I'm not... I'm not... Stop! Wait, wait, wait!" and immediately pulls Simon back towards him. Let's reflect back to episode one where Willie says "I’m not… I’m not allowed to speak about political issues." I'm not allowed. Of course, there are TONS of restrictions on what he can and can not do, kissing guys, probably being one of them. But if he was going to say I'm not gay or I'm not like that, why would he instantly pull him back in, contrasting what he was just going to say. In episode three, Willie does say, "I'm not like that," which makes sense. He's had time to think and isn't in the heat of the moment. What other explanation can he give? Sure, he could say he's not allowed to be like that but saying that would admit that he is. It's a circle, a very messy circle, but it is a... loop.

Going back to what I'm supposed to be talking about here, Erik. This isn't Willie's first rodeo, but Erik was there for the first. One last thing I want to talk about is the phone call that Erik and Willie have in episode three. Below is an excerpt from their dialogue.

---

Erik: You've met someone.

Wilhelm: I, uh... Yes, okay, but I... I don't think we're a couple or anything. I don't know what it is but can we just...

Erik: I get it. I get it. You don't have to tell me any... I don't wanna hear any details. Hey. Willie, enjoy yourself. Soon enough people will start having opinions and-

Wilhelm: They don't care about me. 'Cause you're the Crown Prince that they have opinions.

Erik: I don't get it. Why are you sitting in your room sulking when you have a crush to hang out with?

---

Firstly, Erik refers to Willie's crush as completely gender-neutral. "You've met someone" could very easily be "you've met a girl". The same goes for "you have a crush to hang out with". Very well could have been "you have a girl to hang out with". Sure, it could be completely coincidental, but we live in such a heteronormative society that it would just make sense for Erik to use female-gendered words. Unless, of course, he knew.

Secondly, "Hey. Willie, enjoy yourself. Soon enough people will start having opinions". This sounds very much to me like, enjoy your time while you can be yourself without backlash because soon you won't have that privacy. While I feel that, yes, the same may happen with anyone Willie was to date, him having a same-sex partner multiplies that, by a lot.

In conclusion, Erik knew Willie was not straight, Willie should come out, but when he is ready, and August is a really deep character that people don't give enough credit to. Gosh, I hope I covered everything, I probably forgot so much, but it's fine. Please let me know your thoughts if you've made it this far into the post.

One last thing. I hope you'll notice how in this post, I never referred specifically to Wilhelm's sexuality, and I did that for a reason. I often see gay used to label him, and though I am unsure if that's being used as an umbrella term or specifically as in he only likes men, I think it's really important to realize that they're specifically making him unlabeled. In this youtube video Edvin Ryding, the actor who plays Wilhelm, says "What we're trying to do... We're not labeling Wilhelm's sexuality. I think that's good because it's like, it portrays that it's okay that way too. You don't have to. You shouldn't have to come out. It should be allowed to be a bit fluid, a bit out there." I just think that it is important as it's another type of representation that is not seen often.

#young royals #prince wilhelm #simon eriksson #wilmon #simon x wilhelm #young royals netflix #wilhelm yr #simon yr #august yr #erik yr #netflix #edvin ryding #omar rudberg #malte gårdinger #ivar forsling

[astranva]

Locked Out

Word Count: 1.6k

Warning: Few swear words.

Category: Angst to fluff.

Prompt: “Stop running from me.” 

Summary: Communication is key, but you locked Harry out.

let me know what you think, anon! hope you like this🤍

// masterlist // 

..

When you ask couples of their best period, they would tell you that it’s the “honeymoon phase” of their relationships.

They’d swear up and down on the cute gestures their partner did, giving you a list of all the fuzzy emotions they felt during that very time, how everything left a lingering sweet taste that they longed for.

Some would say that their honeymoon phase wasn’t just that, a phase, but it was a belief that both partners could practice so it would linger and embed itself into their relationship with no signs of decay from the passing years.

These are the same people who would go on and on about how it was communication that kept all these “sparks alive” and how important confrontation was; how being with someone meant that you unravel yourself to them.

Harry knew that seeking perfection was pointless because nobody would ever reach that, not him, not his closest friend, and not you.

It was why he accepted how you were a closed-off person when you began seeing each other; you weren’t one to open up and spill out your emotions and deepest thoughts that were anything but the happy aura you had around you at all times.

He accepted you.

It was acceptance that built the 10-month relationship.

You were there for Harry whenever he needed you, during the bad and good; the stress of writing a new record, the stress of how the world saw him, the stress of wanting to reach a perfection he knew didn’t exist.

You held him at night as he was naked in more ways than lack of clothing would be. It was when he was vulnerable and felt small that your heart clenched, feeling helpless even though you were the first person he sought after good news or an uneasy day.

It was you who held him as he cried. It was you who assured him when the industry made him feel like he wasn’t good enough. It was you who cursed at the world when it gave him shit for his self-exploration and self-love that you praised him for.

It was you.

But it was never him.

It wasn’t because Harry didn’t care nor didn’t put effort at helping you feel at ease; it was because you had denied him of that privilege.

You fought your demons on your own to a point where you tried convincing everyone around you that you didn’t have any before shifting the conversation so that their needs and state were put before your own.

Besides crying that one time as the both of you watched Marley & Me, Harry had never seen you cry, although he heard you a few times.

It happened one time, 3 months into your relationship. He was surprising you at your office with lunch, smiling and greeting your colleagues whom he had seen a few times before he reached your office, putting a finger to his lips as to hush your assistant with a smile before he quietly opened the door to your office.

Your chair was turned towards the window, and if Harry was any louder, he could’ve missed the quiet sound of your sobs.

“Lovie?”

And he heard you gasp and saw your arms moving furiously before you turned, avoiding eye contact as you took a gulp of the glass of water on your desk.

“What’s wrong?”

He was gentle, he knew he was. So why did you tell him that you were “just a little tired”?

And then it happened again at a party Jeff was hosting.

He noticed that one minute you were beside him as he talked to his friends, the next you weren’t.

The music wasn’t loud, but it wasn’t quiet enough to make you hear your phone. He had searched for you everywhere before finally trying to check if you were at the restroom.

He knocked, “Y/N?”

His ear was pressed against the door and it was why he heard the sniffle before he heard your voice, “I’ll be out in a minute!” Your voice broke at the end.

“Are you okay, Lovie? Do you want me to come in there?”

“No, H. I’m fine.”

I’m fine.

Two words Harry never believed.

And although he tried to get you to talk that night, assuring you that he would listen to whatever that was on your mind, he reached the same dead-end street – you were “fine.”

The both of you were shopping when it happened.

Holding two bags in one hand, Harry held your hand in his free one as you walked outside the Gucci store he wanted to visit.

You were midway through a laugh at Harry’s reminder of how you looked in one fiery red and brown sweater that you tried and he had taken a picture of when suddenly a shout directed to you sounded from across the street.

“You don’t fucking deserve him, you fucking gold-digger!”

Harry was a royalty when it came to not giving haters the reaction they wanted, but to hear something directed to you so directly and vulgarly, he was seething.

His head instantly snapped towards the source, looking at the girl who insulted you, standing among other fans and paps.

It was you tugging on his hand that had him drift his attention, “Let it go.”

“Let it go?” He questioned, face hard as you somewhat dragged him towards your car, “No, this wasn’t-”

“Harry, please.”

“She just insulted you.”

“Just get in the car, alright?” Your defeated look almost made him soften – keyword: almost.

Harry got inside with a slam of the door and a scowl on his face, running the car before driving.

Once he got out of the street, Harry glanced at you, “Are you not angry?”

“No.”

You couldn’t be real.

“But you know it’s not true, don’t you?” He asked with concern, glancing from you to the road.

With every passing second that you remained quiet in, Harry’s heart seemed to break.

“Don’t you, Y/N?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” You said quietly, moving your legs so that they didn’t face him before you looked out of the window.

“Of course you don’t,” he found himself saying, “You never do.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You frowned, turning back to look at him.

“It means you don’t talk to me, Y/N. Ever.”

“I do talk to you.”

“I mean opening up, Y/N,” he clarified, “I’m always bitching about my problems, crying to you and ranting about everything, but I just don’t get why you don’t do the same. Not even the slightest. And don’t give me the because there’s nothing wrong bullshit, please, because we both know that’s not true.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Your voice was raised a little.

“I just want you to trust that I won’t judge you, that I’ll listen to you,” he frowned, “That you don’t have to do and feel everything on your own.”

You remained quiet for the rest of the ride and Harry hated it.

Reaching your apartment, he followed you up and into it, cautiously watching your every move and how you seemed to keep distance from between the both of you.

“What do you want for dinner?” You asked him, your tone almost fooling him and driving him into denial of how nothing wrong had happened only some minutes ago.

Softly, Harry sighed as he watched you begin to take out a few ingredients from your cupboards, “Are we not going to talk about what happened? You want us to just sleep on it?”

“What’s there to talk about?”

Your reply angered him, his jaw clenching for a second before he squinted his eyes at you, “Will you ever stop doing that?”

Sighing, you turned to face him, “Doing what?”

“This,” he gestured towards you, “Denying any discomfort or feeling just because you want to convince everyone that everything is fine when something isn’t, Y/N.”

“You know that I’m not one to open up. You knew that before we got together.”

“I do and I accept that, but can’t you see that it’s unfair, too? I had to find about Jim stealing your designs from your assistant, Y/N. I had no idea that you were terrified of cats until Sarah told me, yet you let me place Evie on your fucking lap and didn’t utter a word! I can go on for days, Y/N,” Harry said, the frown not leaving his face before his face softened, “It’s like every time I finally catch up with you, you run away.”

“It has always been like that for me, don’t you understand that?!” You shouted, mentally cursing at yourself at how your eyes grew tearful.

“I do understand and I understand that it’s something we can work on together! As a couple, a team,” he gestured at the distance between the both of you, “I just need you to help me out, Y/N!”

“What the fuck do you want me to do?” You threw your arms in the air.

With a soft expression and a pained look, Harry’s shoulders slumped down. “Stop running from me.”

Sensing your uneasiness, Harry approached you, engulfing you in a hug as he tightly wrapped his arms around you, feeling you clutch to his sweatshirt.

And then he heard it.

You let out a sob, crying into his chest as you shook against him.

He said nothing, but Harry held you.

“I’ll try,” you had managed to let out and although it was muffled, he heard it, “I’ll try, I promise.”

Harry moved his head to press a kiss to the top of your head, pulling away slightly to cup your face and have you look up at him, “At your own pace, Lovie. No rush.”

You only nodded, face looking innocent as Harry left a kiss on your nose.

“No rush.” He promised.

#harry styles imagine #harry styles #harry styles angst #harry styles angst imagine #angst #harry styles one shot #harry styles angst one shot #otp angst prompts #harry styles fluff #harry styles fluff imagine

[unhealthyfanobsession]

Do you think you’ll continue with the lawyer Nessian fic. It was so amazingly written I’d love to read more! I love all your writing anyways I’ll be happy with anything❤️

Ok not *technically* a Drabble request BUT I’m not ready to commit to a full lawyer AU that happens in order however I did just drum up a part 2 that we’ll say is several years before the previous lawyer AU. Nessian teasing in a bar and Rhys being a dumbass.

FYI the lawyer Drabble I’m talking about can be found HERE.

“I’m in love,” Rhys slurred. Cassian, a decent bit bigger than his brother and two drinks behind him, had a gentle buzz so he could only surmise that his brother was well passed sober.

“Congratulations,” Cassian grinned, clapping his hand on Rhys’ shoulder. “May I lay eyes upon the future Mrs. Dumbass.”

Rhys stared at him flatly. Blew a laugh out of his nose. “She’s not marrying you, brother.”

Cassian snorted, casting his eyes around the elegantly decorated little lounge they’d stepped into for the night. Lounge, not bar. Because they were mature adults now looking to take the edge off after a long day of work, not college students looking to get fucked up.

It was different.

It was different because the cocktails cost $20 and were served in actual stemware instead of red solo cups. They were evolving. Growing. Cassian was a lawyer now and Rhys was supposed to be doing actual work for his dad’s company so… no more dive bars.

Now they frequented little lounges where accountants and lawyers and bankers sat in tailored suits and discussed… adult things.

It was all very civilized.

And yet here was his brother. Every bit the horny college student they were trying not to be. Oh well, old dogs and all that.

“End of the bar.” Rhys jerked his head to the left and Cassian grinned.

“Might be a little old for you, champ.”

Rhys wrinkled his brow and turned to look at the grandmother doing a crossword puzzle on the far left side of the bar. A martini glass in front of her. Good for grandma.

“Other end of the bar!”

Cassian smirked. He didn’t need to turn his head, since he’s noticed her the second she walked in, but he still did. Just so he could look some more.

“Ah, you mean the deliciously dishevelled leggy brunette with her suit jacket on the chair beside her who just ripped the pins out of her hair like they personally offended her and then laid them in a neat little pile beside her Kobo?

“Mmm,” Rhys grinned, “I’d like her to rip those fingers through my hair.”

Cassian rolled his eyes. “Go for it, brother.”

Rhys grinned wider. “I think I will.” He straightened up, ran a hair through his artfully mussed hair, and pulled on the lapels of his Gucci suit jacket until they were even again.

Cassian snickered into his Old Fashioned. Rhys could straighten his jacket all he wanted. He could pretend he wasn’t drunk all he wanted. It wouldn’t matter one bit.

Not with Nesta Archeron.

Nesta Archeron who hated men that stunk of trust funds and privilege more than anything else in this world.

This would be fun to watch.

Watch her try to ignore him at first. Eyes glued to the page of her book, hand reaching up to wave through the air like Rhys was an annoying fly she could swat away.

Rhys, to his credit, was a clever little bastard. He asked the bartender for a refill of her drink and set it down in front of her then sat himself one stool down from her.

He didn’t move her jacket to sit next to her, which would have had her going feral. He just sat there, waiting.

After a few moments Nesta let out an exacerbated sigh that Cassian could hear from across the room. There was his girl.

Well, not his girl. Not even a little bit his girl, but… someday.

Cassian decided that he was going to Marry Nesta Archeron the first time she kicked his ass up and down a negotiation meeting. It was a couple years ago now. He’d been young and new at his firm. She was young and new too, but the words learning curve were not in Nesta’s vocabulary. Everything she did, she did with perfection.

Including getting rid of men she didn’t want hitting on her.

She said something to his brother that made Rhys’ half drunk, cocky, smile fall halfway down his face.

Cassian would’ve given his left eye to know what she said in that moment. She had a knack for jumping at the jugular and Rhys… oh Rhys. So obvious.

After a few moments and the continual fall of Rhys’ face, Cassian decided it was time to intervene. He knocked his drink back and straightened out his own suit jacket. Armani, still overpriced and designer but not so obvious or try hard as Mr. Up On The Trends with his Gucci. Nesta appreciated classics.

Simple. Clean lines, solid colours, classic. Which was why it was so fun just how attracted she was to his half wild self.

Unlike Rhys, Cassian plucked Nesta’s light grey suit jacket up off the stool beside her and reached over her head to hang it on a coat hook at the end of the bar. Settling himself into the chair beside her like it was exactly where he belonged. Which it was.

She turned around with an indignant shriek and a fire-breathing snarl that narrowed into just a hard glare when she realized it was him. Touching.

“This guy giving you trouble, Nes?”

Rhys choked on his whiskey and Cassian fought his hardest to keep a straight face.

“I so don’t need your saviour complex right now, Cassian.” Nesta scoffed.

“No,” Rhys rolled his eyes. “She was doing perfectly well scaring off everyone in a 10 mile radius all on her own.”

Nesta smiled sweetly, “I was just playing your game.”

Rhys sputtered again. Looked up at his brother. “This devil woman that you apparently already know,” he glared, “is all yours. I’m going home.”

“Be sure to drink plenty of water!” Nesta sing songed after him. Rhys flipped them both off on his way out.

“What’d you say to him?”

Nesta smiled. A pretty, feline little thing. “He said he wanted to chat. Suggested 20 question, which is the lamest, oldest, crustiest line in the book. So I went first. Asked just how small his dick was that he felt the need to overcompensate with the swagger and the gratuitous displays of wealth. He thought he was quite clever to use his question to ask if I wanted to check for myself how not small his dick was and then I asked if his daddy never loved him and that’s where all of that machismo masking painfully obvious and deep seeded feelings of inadequacy and insecurity came from. I was going to offer him my friend’s number before you showed up. She’s an excellent therapist.”

Cassian laughed. Hard. For a very long time. He loved Rhys, but sometimes the kid could use a nice set down. It was always sweeter when delivered by a beautiful woman. Not to mention, Cassian himself had gotten the same ice cold rejection the first time he met Nesta. When he asked if she wanted to get a coffee and she looked at him like something she’d scraped off the bottom of her shoe. That Rhys was chased off so easily just proved he couldn’t take the heat.

“You know the walking trust fund, I presume?” Nesta boredly sipped the drink Rhys had bought her. And even that was somehow amusing.

“Only for the last couple decades or so,” Cassian grinned. “He’s like a brother to me.”

“Explains a lot.”

“Your insults are more impactful when you clarify which person is being insulted.”

“I was going for the two birds one stone method.”

“In that case, consider me wounded, sweetheart.”

Nesta scoffed, “Unfortunately not mortally.”

“Oh Nesta, if I weren’t here you’d die of boredom and you know it. No one else can run you up and down the courtroom like I can.” Now. Cassian grinned as he watched the word flash across her eyes. He’d never live that first blunder down.

Nesta rose an eyebrow. “Bold of you to assume you present any challenge whatsoever.”

Cassian signalled for another drink and leaned forward. “Alright, I’ll bite. Who in this entire city can give you more of a run for your money?”

“Vanserra.” Nesta looked him dead in the eye. And managed to keep a straight face. As if that wasn’t the funniest fucking thing he’d heard all day.

“Oh yes, Nepotism and Nepotism LLP certainly has us all shaking in our boots,” Cassian blew out a breath. “What are you working on now?”

“I’m working on upholding attorney-client privilege.”

“So, the Suncurser merger.”

Nesta looked up. “How did you-”

“Helion and I are old friends. I checked the zoning on the lots he was buying before the merger went ahead to make sure the expansion was even feasible. But, as you know, M&A isn’t my thing. So I may have… given him a referral.”

“Are there any rich playboys in this city that you aren’t friends with?” Nesta finished off her drink and pointedly didn’t signal for another. “And if you think I’m going to be grateful to you for sending this my way you’ve got another thing-“

“Helion is my friend.” Cassian repeated, cutting her off. “He believes in this merger and he wants it done right. You’re the best, Nesta. Why wouldn’t I send him to you?”

“It’s not just to get in my pants?” She narrowed her eyes.

Cassian laughed again. “Oh no, sweetheart. When you invite me into your bed it will have nothing to do with work. It’ll be because you’re tired of denying how much you want me.” Cassian leaned in closer, one hand resting on the back of her chair. “Tired of denying the thrill that shoots through your whole body when we lay into each other. In the court room or out.” His nose brushed against hers, just a little, and Cassian felt Nesta tense up. He smirked, mouth just inches away from hers. “Tired of denying how right this is.”

Nesta’s voice was rough, husky. “So your plan is to wear me down?”

Cassian smirked. “My plan,” his hand came up to stroke the silk covered expanse of her upper arm, “is to marry you, Nesta Archeron. But sure, we can start with wearing you down.”

***Feyre and Nesta look physically similar so you can’t tell me drunk Rhys wouldn’t hit on Nesta in a bar before realizing he’d made a terrible mistake and running away thank you***

Also tags yourself, I’m the grandma doing the crossword puzzle with a martini. She’s an icon and she is the moment.

#nessian #nessian fanfiction #drabbles open #nesta archeron #acosf #cassian #nesta and cassian #a court of thorns and roses #sarah j maas #a court of silver flames #a court of mist and fury #acotar

[foramomentonly]

3.08 Alex Meta

I don't usually do meta and maybe all of this will be a very, "Duh, Nat!" moment for you. But 3.08 was a huge Alex episode for me. I feel like I understand him on a totally new and deeper level, and I'm seeing a direct character line from S1 and to some of the questions and issues many of us had in S2.

Spoilers for RNM 3.08 below.

As I might have said ten thousand times previously, I relate to Alex a lot. His compartmentalization, his emotional distance, his seeming inability to correctly identify and name a damn feeling. Like, same, man.

But 3.08, in my opinion, completely blew that all up. Because Alex is pretty clear in his story: he has all the emotions, he just no longer feels safe acting on them. And when I think about Alex in the flashbacks we've had, that totally tracks. Teen Alex is a walking ball of emotions and he is not afraid to act on them. His whole vibe is "pissed at the world," which, valid. He's angry, so he punches Kyle. He's moved by Michael and his situation, so he offers to help. He unapologetically feels and acts on those feelings. He's in love, so he keeps seeing Michael even after the events of the shed (Rest on a Bloody Bed of Rusty Nails, Jesse Manes). Alex is brave and bold with his emotions and even though Jesse and others are no doubt giving him hell for it, he doesn't stop.

Cut to S1 Alex, who vacillates between wildly passionate, closed off, angry, ice king. He pushes and pulls with Michael and we don't really know why and it's an emotional whiplash that carries over into at least the beginning of S2. I always understood this as Alex not knowing his own feelings, acting in the moment on what he wants and later talking himself out of it, denying himself out of fear.

But that's not it, is it? Alex is fully aware of his feelings, apparently, he just doesn't see acting on them as safe anymore. He gets home and he runs into Michael and everything, all that love and desire is still there and his impulse is to act on it and he does, but his experiences have taught him that his emotions are dangerous. And if all he's ever done is try protect Michael, he does that by trying to lock his feelings for Michael away, pull back when he loses control and acts on them. He's still learning how to do this in S1, and that pull toward Michael is strong (cosmic, almost?) and I think that's where that back and forth comes in.

None of this is that new, though. What's new to me is the understanding that hiding/feeling/repressing emotions isn't instinctual for Alex! It's learned behavior, and not even from his time with Jesse, but this experience in war.

And let's talk about that story, huh? A lot of us assumed (myself included) that Alex's rigidity, his tendency to bulldoze over other people's boundaries and take charge is born of stubbornness, of believing he's always right, that he must be in control to feel safe. But what I heard Alex tell me in his story is fuck, no, he's knows how wrong he can be, he's failed on a massive level already, caused hurt and pain to himself and others. He's not a hero. He's a mess. (We all knew that. But a lot of us operated on the idea that Alex didn't know that about himself.) Everything he does is to avoid causing further harm and chaos in the future.

Obviously, he still does. I don't want to discount that. And he's still accountable for it. But I think it's significant that Alex isn't operating from a position of superiority after all (I mean, he probably still is a little, he's Alex, his class privileges are still there), he's operating more from a place of knowing how completely and utterly he's fucked up before and wanting desperately to avoid that in the future. And to him, a man who lives his whole life in extremes (fucking drama queen, I mean lol), the way to avoid that happening is to go in the total opposite direction. To push down his natural emotions, ignore his instincts because they can't be trusted (Which, hey, maybe that's why he's got Kyle on speed dial every time he has to make a decision!), and strategize the shit out of everything. And it scares the fuck out of him that Michael, the person he most wants to avoid experiencing harm or being put in danger, acts on feeling and instinct and all the things that Alex believes caused his own epic failure that cost literal life and limb.

I used to think Alex and Michael were opposites, one a live wire of emotion and instinct, and the other the keeper of approximately three feelings and he hates them all. But I think now that they are extremely alike. They're both driven by emotion, instinct, heart, but Alex has forced himself to ignore all that and think like a computer, and Michael still lives his life by his them, still inherently trusts them. I've always loved and admired that about him, and I think that's part of what Alex loves, too, even though it scares him.

There's a whole nother meta's worth of stuff in the episode of how Alex's journey to trusting and working with Michael as an equal parallels Liz's storyline with Rosa (Liz and Alex are so alike, I die!) and yet another about the phenomenal pattern of growth with see from Malex, and especially Alex, throughout the episode. For a literal, step-by-step breakdown, ask the incomparable @adiwriting very nicely, who went OFF in the best way about it last night in our DMs. Like she could draw you a diagram.

This episode just gave us so much. Damn. It wasn't perfect, of course, and I would have liked to see Alex and Malex's development and growth happen over the course of the season, not jammed a single episode. But I love what we got and what it's taught me is I didn't know shit about Alex, but I had a lot of fun learning.

End meta.

#alex manes #roswell nm #roswell nm meta #alex manes meta #malex #season 3 spoilers #spoilers #meta

[rokhal]

Marlene and the Moon Knight system’s codependent trashfire of a romance

Marlene Alraune has been Moon Knight’s primary love interest since she found Marc Spector lying dead in the Temple of Konshu in Doug Moench’s original solo run, and they are passionately in love in a way that’s really fucked-up once you actually think about it. Marlene has taken it upon herself to “fix” the man she found in the temple, and she seems to perceive his DID (edit: OSDD) as a personal failure on her part.

In Moon Knight (1980), Steven Grant is the primary civilian identity, the guy who runs the finances and owns the house, the guy who goes to sleep and wakes up in the morning, the guy every girl would kill to have, the guy whom Marlene makes passionate love to at every opportunity. Jake Lockley is like Steven Grant’s weird unpolished half-brother who stores his car at their house, Moon Knight is Frenchie’s buddy and Jake’s partner and Steven’s pet project, and Marc Spector is taking a break from life. Only Steven Grant is in a relationship with Marlene.

Steven and the other alters are very up-front about their identity with Marlene and the house-hold staff. Jake Lockley’s friends, and Frenchie, they allow to call them by the name they were first introduced by, but to Marlene, the cook, and the butler, they insist on being called by whoever is fronting at the moment. With Frenchie, this is a privilege; with Crawley and Gena, likely both a favor and a distancing tactic. Though Marlene is outwardly accepting of Steven’s alters (including Marc), she is clearly frustrated by his DID.

Workplace sexual harassment aside, Marlene’s disapproval does seem to make an impression on Jake. And Steven -- it should be noted that in Moench’s run, Steven, Marc, Jake, and Moon Knight all share the same memory and may be frequently co-conscious, to the extent that they refer to the collective of the four of them as “I.” So what Marlene says to Jake, she also says to Steven. And Jake +/- Steven walks back “I’m Jake now” with “I should’ve been an actor.” Defensive, denying the reality of his own experience.

Steven does this a lot when Marlene asks him about his mental health.

“It’s no longer funny, Steven,” she says, but we never see Steven joking about his identity. He makes light of it, but he always makes sure to give the people he trusts the right name for who he is at the moment. “You’ve got to be honest with me,” she says, when he is being honest, about his experiential truth that he could very well have chosen to hide from her.

This is the closest he gets to joking about his nature.

Marlene’s denial would be irritating, not dangerous, if not for Steven, Moon Knight, and Marc’s insecurities. And there are many. Marc, of course, lives (or doesn’t live) with the guilt of having been a professional war criminal. Moon Knight basically only ever interacts with Frenchie, who calls him Marc, and feels the responsibility to work off all Marc’s guilt and also feels his own guilt at putting his life in danger and potentially taking Steven away from Marlene if he got himself killed. Steven, like Moon Knight, feels the pressure to make up for Marc’s mistakes, and despite being the socially-acceptable face of the system, his only close relationship is Marlene.

Steven ascribes to her immense power over his mental stability and his grasp on morality.

And Marlene drives wedges between Steven and his headmates.

“I know you’re all right, Steven -- It’s just Marc Spector I worry about...Jake...even Moon Knight. ...Sometimes I think you won’t be able to keep them all under control -- that they’ll do something to spoil what we’ve made of you.”

Marlene is pushing Steven toward the unhealthy and untenable position of keeping absolute control over his headmates at all times. This is never a goal he has expressed any interest in before now. Because Steven lacks the self-confidence to push back at Marlene, her remarks haunt him, and he begins to mistrust the other parts of himself. Which is fucking miserable.

Marlene clearly considers herself responsible for Steven’s mental health and Marc’s redemption, and so do Steven and Marc. Which is absolutely stupid and terrible, but Marc is an emotionally-stunted ex-mercenary and Marlene is like twenty. It happens. This explains why Marlene can’t just accept Steven/Marc/Jake/MK for the totality of who they are: she considers their disorder to be a personal failing. (She may also be jealous of Steven’s alters for taking up Steven’s limited time; like the other inhabitants of Grant Manor, she appears to have no other friends.)

Marlene means well, but she and Steven need therapy. And they both desperately need to get out more.

#moon knight #meta #my meta #marlene alraune #steven grant #marc spector #jake lockley

[codex-archives-exe]

Only A Heated Touch Truly Conveys The Sentiment | Yahari Ore No Seishun Love Come Wa Machigatteiru. Kan. [EP 11] | Yukinon x Hikigaya/Hikigaya x Yukinon [Yukigaya] 

Transcript:

(Yukinon and Hikigaya begin walking up the bridge)

Hikigaya: “Sorry to drag you into this.”

Yukinon: “It was inevitable. There’s no way I could have refused in this situation.”

Yukinon: “Seriously, what are you doing?” 

(Yukinon, in denial, that after everything, Hikigaya persistently tries to be with her)

Yukinon: “I don’t get this at all.”

(Yukinon slightly ahead of Hikigaya, walking up the entrance of the bridge)

Yukinon: “It actually felt terrifying watching my own family get coaxed along like that.” 

Hikigaya: “I wasn’t really doing anything of the sort.”

Hikigaya: “To be honest, I’m terrified by the fact that they just backed down.”

Yukinon: “Good point.”

Yukinon: “My mom and sister definitely aren’t the type to give up that easily.”

(Hikigaya, awkwardly asking if he can move ahead because he has a bike, Yukinon shakes her head in disagreement) 

Yukinon: “That look my mother had... It was the same one she has when she looks at my sister.”

Hikigaya: “Do you mean she acknowledged you?”

Yukinon: “She might have given up on me instead.”

[...]

Yukinon: “Why did you say something so absurd?”

Hikigaya: “That was the only way I could stay associated with you.”

Yukinon: “...Huh?”

Hikigaya: “With the club ending, we’d lose our only real place of contact.”

Hikigaya: “I couldn’t think of another excuse to you to come to me.”

(Yukinon stops in her place, as Hikigaya moves up slightly ahead)

Yukinon: “Why would you do that?”

Yukinon: “What about your promise? I asked you to grant her wish.” 

Hikigaya: “We could say that this is a part of it.”

(Hikigaya puts the stop on his bike on the bridge)

Hikigaya: “Because she told me she wanted you to be a part of our afternoons filled with nothing.”

Yukinon: “Then there was no reason for you to do all of that...”

Hikigaya: “As if.”

Hikigaya: “Acquaintances, associates, friends, classmates. You can call it whatever you want. But I have no confidence I maintain that kind of relationship.” 

Yukinon: “That may be true for you, but I’m going to do this. I’m going to get better at doing this!”

(As Yukinon, walks out of Hikigaya’s way creating distance between them)

[...]

Hikigaya: “This may hurt to hear, but both of us have pretty much zero communication skills, and we make things too complicated.”

Hikigaya: “Not to mention that we’re absolutely terrible at socializing!”

Hikigaya: “I don’t think we can start doing it well now!”

Hikigaya: “Creating any distance between us won’t be the end of it, and I’m positive we’ll just drift apart even further apart!”

(Hikigaya starts to run after Yukinon as she walks further away) 

(Yukinon begins to walk faster and further away as Hikigaya reaches out his hand) 

(Hikigaya realizing that Yukinon is getting too far away)

(Determined - Hikigaya, begins to gain speed and run after Yukinon)

Hikigaya: “That’s why...!” (as he grabs Yukinon’s hand) 

Hikigaya: “If I let you go, I can’t grab hold of you again.” 

Hikigaya: “This is extremely embarrassing for me to say, and I’d like to drop dead right about now, but...saying all that stuff about  “taking responsibility” was totally insufficient...I don’t feel an obligation to do this...It’s more like I want that responsibility. Or rather ...I want you to let me have it...”

(Hikigaya, finally lets go of Yukinon’s hand, and they blush and look away from each other for a brief moment) 

(Yukinon rubbing her wrist and hand, where Hikigaya held tightly) 

Hikigaya: “It might not be something you’re wishing for, but I want to remain involved with you. This isn’t about obligation, but desire.”

Hikigaya: “So...allow me the privilege of distorting your life.” 

(Yukinon shocked, realizing what he really means) 

Yukinon: “What do you mean “distort”? What do you mean by that word?” 

Hikigaya: “Well, I don’t mean that I have enough influence to change your whole life or anything. I think both you and I go on to university like normal, reluctantly join the workforce, and then go on to live decent lives. But if we’re involved with each other, we’ll take detours, stay at a standstill, and things like that, right? That’s why I’ll distort your life a little.” 

(Yukinon sighs in relief, and then smiles, knowing what Hikigaya means) 

Yukinon: “If that’s what you mean, then my life’s been distorted for a while now.”

Hikigaya: “I agree.”

Hikigaya: “We met, talked, learned, and then separated...and at each my life got distorted.” 

Yukinon: “But you were already distorted from the very beginning.” 

Yukinon: “I was, too, though.”

Hikigaya: “And things are going to get even more distorted. But as long as I keep distorting your life, I intend to pay a price to make up for it. ”

Hikigaya: “Well, I have basically have no assets, so the only things I can give you are time, emotions, the future, a life and other vague stuff like that. I’m not living much of a life, and I don’t have a lot of prospects for the future. But as long as I’m involved in someone else’s life, I have to give something, otherwise it’s not fair.”  

Hikigaya: “I’ll give you anything and everything, so please let me be involved in your life.” 

[...]

(Yukinon blushing and somewhat upset)

Yukinon: “You’re wrong...There’s no balance to that at all!”

(Yukinon, upset, knowing very well, that is completely unfair for only her to rely on him) 

Yukinon: “There’s not that much value in the path that I walk to the future.” 

Yukinon: “In comparison, you have...”

Hikigaya: “That’s a relief, then.”

Hikigaya: “As it stands, there’s not much value in my life. It’s an unpopular brand that has so little value it can’t get any lower than it already is. It’s basically bottomed out. In a sense, you could consider it a principal-protected investment. Now’s the best time to buy in!” 

Yukinon: “You make it sound like a huge scam.” 

(Gently punching Hikigaya’s chest)

Yukinon: “Learn to present yourself better!”

(Yukinon, upset, knowing Hikigaya is worth much more than he always tends to describes himself to her) 

Yukinon: “Why are you standing there spouting all this stupid stuff that doesn’t matter? There’s something else you should be saying!” 

(Yukinon, knowing full-well he is talking about “love” but does not have the bravery or courage to be upfront about it) 

Hikigaya: “I can’t say it. No way. You really think I can put that into words?”

Yukinon: “I think I may be a very tiresome person to deal with.”

Hikigaya: “I know that.”

Yukinon: “In any case, I’ve done nothing but cause you problems.”

Hikigaya: “I’m used to that.”

Yukinon: “I’m stubborn, and I’m not very charming.” 

Hikigaya: “Yeah, that’s true.”

Yukinon: “I wanted you to deny that part, though...” 

(Hoping Hikigaya would at least deny one thing about her) 

Hikigaya: “That’s a tall order.” 

Yukinon: “I feel like I’ll only become more useless as I continue to rely on you.”

Hikigaya: “Which means I just to have to become more useless than that. If we’re all useless, then no one is.” 

Yukinon: “And also-!”

(Yukinon tries to deny every moment of Hikigaya doing everything for her)

Hikigaya: “It’s fine.” 

Hikigaya: “I don’t mind how tiresome you get. Or how burdensome. I could even say that’s a good thing about you.”

Yukinon: “What?” 

Yukinon: “That doesn’t make me happy at all!”

(As Yukinon, lightly jabs at Hikigaya’s chest)

Hikigaya: “Ouch...”

(Yukinon, then gently grabs and tugs a small part of Hikigaya’s scarf)

Yukinon: “There’s more than that, right?” 

(Yukinon puts her hand down, then Hikigaya grabs her hand, and puts her hand on his heart)

(Surprised, Yukinon looks back at Hikigaya as he does this)

Hikigaya: “It may not be enough compensation for distorting your life, but well...I’ll give you everything. If you do not want it, then throw it away. If it’s annoying, then just forget about it. I’m still going to do it regardless, so I don’t need you to reply.” 

Yukinon: “Well, I’m going to say it clearly.”

(Yukinon then grasps part of Hikigaya’s blazer then begins to lean on him) 

Yukinon: “Please allow me to have...your life.” 

Hikigaya: “That’s stiff.” 

Yukinon: “I don’t know any other way to say it, so deal with it.” 

(Yukinon completely leaning on him, almost crying)

(Hikigaya, then fully embraces Yukinon, and they hug each other) 

Preface

Hello everyone, so I used to have a Tumblr a long, long time ago; 5 years to be exact; but have chosen this time, because on this very site I used to endlessly blog and jot down so many theories and thoughts about the possibilities - the sheer possibilities, of this couple, this ship being a thing.

AND THEN IT FINALLY HAPPENED. 100% CONFIRMED. 

THERE ARE NO WORDS THAT CAN DESCRIBE HOW HAPPY I AM.

7 YEARS

3 SEASONS

38 EPS 

AFTER STORY CONFIRMED TO BE IN THE WORKS

Sadly, I do not have the receipts or any core theory pieces or fragments from my past blog because it was wiped. Attempting to reconstruct any form of it from past memory, from what I thought from this, solely came from the fact Yukinon and Hikigaya, despite having so many disagreements and dragging each other down almost in some instances - they always watched out for each other. They always did. No matter if it was Hikigaya for Yukinon’s sake, or Yukinon for Hikigaya’s sake even in the some of the most simple scenarios.  

I always thought the beginning of S3, was so daunting because the sheer separation of the Service Club caused so much anguish, because each one of them felt for a different desire for another. Although, the entire premise going out of his own way to be there for Yukinon. Is absolutely the cutest and most romantic proactive thing someone could do for someone they ‘genuinely’ loved. 

Yes, I did go out of my own way to write the entire transcript of that five minute sequence because it is so incredibly memorable, cute, and heartwarming. As many have claimed from the start, they were absolutely meant for each other, knowing how much they rely, trust, and lean on one another. The writing is just so beautiful and always gets my heart pounding, and I practically cry every time. I could watch this a million times, I could never ever grow tired of it. Protect these two AT ALL COSTS 😭💗💗💗💗 it being well worth the seven years of waiting, was such an understatement, I am so excited for whenever the After Story for these two gets animated. My heart will not be able to handle it. 

#yahari ore no seishun love comedy wa machigatteiru #yahari ore no seishun love me come wa machigatteiru. zoku #yahari ore no seishun love come wa machigatteiru. kan #my teen romantic comedy snafu #my teen romantic comedy snafu too! #my teen romantic comedy snafu climax #oregairu spoilers #oregairu season 3 spoilers #oregairu #oregairu season 2 #oregairu season 3 #yukinon x hikigaya #yukino x hikigaya #hikigaya x yukinon #hikigaya hachiman #yukino yukinoshita #yukinon #yukigaya #saori hayami #anime couple #romance anime #romance #i came back to tumblr to write about this #rent free

[him-e]

what did you think of shadow and bone? have you read the books? i only read the duology

Thoughts on Shadow and Bone, now that you've probably seen it?

I think the show is alright? It lacks a real wow factor as far as I’m concerned, but it’s enjoyable. It’s especially enjoyable in those parts I didn’t anticipate to like / didn’t even know would be there. 

Whereas the main selling points leave a lot to be desired.

The good stuff: the visuals. The aesthetic. The overall concept. Production, casting and costumes are excellent, the setting is fascinating. The worldbuilding isn’t perfect and is sometimes confusing, which is probably due to the show jumping ahead of the books and introducing elements that happen much later in the book saga, but I’m loving the vague steampunk-y vibe of it mixed with more typical fantasy stuff and slavic-inspired lore, the fact that it’s set in dystopian Russia rather than your usual ye olde England.

I find it interesting that in this ‘verse the Grisha are simultaneously superstars, privileged elite, legendary creatures and despised outcasts, according to the context and the type of magic they wield. It’s A Lot, and so far it’s all a bit underdeveloped and messy, like a patchwork of different narratives and tropes sewn together without an organic worldbuilding structure. (there are hints to a past when they were hunted, but how did they go from that to being, essentially, an institutionalized asset to the government isn’t clear yet. There’s huge narrative potential in this, and I hope future seasons will delve into those aspects)

Many of the supporting characters are surprisingly solid. I appreciated that Genya and Zoya eventually sort of traded places, subverting the audience’s assumptions about them and their own character stereotypes, despite the little screentime they were given.

Breakout characters/ships for me were Nina/Matthias, and even more so the Crows, i.e. the stuff I didn’t see coming and knew nothing about (having only read the first book). (I thought the entire Crows subplot was handled in a somewhat convoluted way, at least in the first episodes; it was hard to keep track of who wanted Alina and why, but the Crows’ chemistry is so strong it carried the whole Plot B on its shoulders).

HELNIK. As an enemies to lovers dynamic, Helnik was SUPER on the nose, I’d say bordering on clichéd with the unapologetic, straight outta fanfiction use of classic tropes like “we need to team up to survive” and “there’s only one bed and we’ll freeze to death if we don’t take our conveniently damp clothes off and keep each other warm with the heat of our naked bodies” (not that I’m complaining, but i like to pine for my ships a bit before getting to the juicy tropetown part, tyvm). And then they’re suddenly on opposite sides again because of a tragic misunderstanding - does Bardugo hate high-conflict dynamics? It certainly seems so, because between Helnik and Darklina I’m starting to see a pattern where the slow burn and blossoming mutual trust is rushed and painted in broad, stereotypical strokes to get as fast as possible to the part where they *hate each other again* and that’s... huh. Something.

^That’s probably why I’m almost more interested in Kaz x Inej, because their relationship feels a bit more nuanced, a bit more mysterious, and a bit more unpredictable. (I didn’t bother spoiling myself about them, so I really don’t know where they’re going, but it’s refreshing to see a dynamic that the narrative isn’t scrambling to define in one direction or the other as quickly as possible)

-

Now, as for Darklina VS Malina... I found exactly what I expected. 

Both are ship dynamics I’m, on principle, very much into (light heroine/dark villain, pining friends to lovers) but both are also much less interesting than they claim to be, or could have been with different narrative choices. I’ll concede that the show characters are all more fleshed out and likable than their book counterparts, and the cringe parts I vaguely remembered from the books played out differently. And, well, Ben Barnes dominates the scene, he’s hot as HELL, literally every single second he’s on screen is a fuck you to Bardugo’s attempts to make his character lame and uninteresting and I’m LOVING it, lol.

But yeah, B Barnes aside, Darklina is intrinsically, deliberately made to be unshippable. 

It makes me mad, because it’s - archetypally speaking - made of shipping dynamite: yin/yang-sun and moon, opposites attract, COMPLEMENTARY POWERS AND SO ON. And what does Bardugo do with these ingredients? A FUCKING DELIBERATE DISASTER:

^ Placing the kiss so early on (season 1, episode five) effectively kills the romantic tension that was (correctly) building up until that point, and leaves the audience very little to still hope for, in terms of emotional evolution of the dynamic. 

Bardugo lays all the good stuff down as early and quickly as possible (the bonding, the conflicted attraction, the recognizing the other as one’s equal, etc) only to turn the tables and pull the rug so y’all sick creepyshippers won’t have anything to look forward to, because THEY’VE ALREADY HOOKED UP AND THAT BELONGS TO THE PAST, IT’S OVER, THEY’RE ENEMIES. This, combined to the fact that she falls for him *without* knowing who he really is, is the opposite of what I want from a heroine/villain ship (it’s basically lovers to enemies, and while that can be valid too, I wanted to see more pining and more prolonged, tormented symbolic attraction to the Shadow/Animus on Alina’s part). 

But here’s the trick: it’s not marketed as lovers to enemies - it has all the aesthetics and trappings of an enemies to lovers (the Darkling is, from the get go, villain-presenting, starting from his name), so it genuinely feels like a trollfic, or at the very least a cautionary tale *against* shipping the heroine with the tall dark brooding young villain, and I don’t think it’s cool at all. It makes the story WAY less interesting, because it humanizes the villain early on (when it’s not yet useful or poignant to the story, because it’s unearned) but it’s a red herring. The real plot twist is that the villain shouldn’t be sympathized with, just defeated: there’s a promise of nuanced storytelling, that is quickly denied and tossed aside. So is the idea of incorporating your Shadow (a notion that Bardugo must be familiar with, otherwise she wouldn’t have structured Alina and the Darkling as polar opposites who complement each other, but that she categorically refutes)

Then we have Malina. The good ship.

Look, I’m not that biased against it. I don’t want to be biased on principle against a friends to lovers dynamic that antagonizes a heroine/villain one, because every narrative is different, and for personal reasons I can deeply relate to the idea of being (unspeakably) in love with your best friend. So there are aspects of Malina that I can definitely be into, but it troubles me that in this specific context it’s framed as a regression. It’s Alina’s comfort zone, a fading dream of happiness from an idealized childhood, to sustain which the heroine systematically stunts her growth and literally repressed her own powers, something that in the books made her sickly and weak. But the narrative weirdly romanticizes this codependency, often making her tunnel vision re: going back to Mal her primary goal and centering on him her entire backstory/motivation, to the point that when she starts acting more serious re: her powers and alleged mission to destroy the Fold, it feels inorganic and unearned. 

Mal is intrinsically extraneous to Alina’s powers, he doesn’t share them, he doesn’t understand them, he has little to offer to help her with them, and so the feeling is that he’s also extraneous to her heroine’s journey, aside from being a sort of sidekick or safe harbor to eventually come back to. People have compared him to Raoul from Phantom of the Opera, and yeah, he has the same ~magic neutralizer~ vibe, tbh.

The narrative also polarizes Mal’s normalcy and relative “safety” against Aleksander’s sexy evil, framing Alina’s quasi-platonic fixation on the former as a better and purer form of love than her (much more visible and palpable) attraction to the latter. This is exacerbated by the show almost entirely relying on scenes of them as kids to convey their bond. I’m sure there are ways to depict innocent pining for your best friend that don’t involve obsessively focusing on flashbacks of two CHILDREN running in a meadow and looking exactly like brother and sister. LIKE. I get it, they’re like soulmates in every possible way, BUT DO THEY WANT TO KISS EACH OTHER?

Which brings me to a general complain: for a young adult saga centering on a young heroine and full of so many hot people, this story is weirdly unsexy? There are a lot of shippable dynamics, but they’re done in such a careless, ineffective way that makes ZERO EFFORT to work on stuff like slow burn, pining and romantic tension, and when it does it’s so heavy handed that the viewer doesn’t feel encouraged at all to fill the blanks with their imagination and start anticipating things (which is, imo, the ESSENCE of shipping). The one dynamic that got vaguely close to this is, again, Kaz and Inej, and coincidentally it’s also the one we didn’t get confirmed as romantic YET. Other than that, where’s the slow burn? What ship am I supposed to agonize over during the hiatus to season two? Has shipping become something to feel ashamed of, like an embarrassing relative you no longer want to invite in your home?

Anyway, back to Alina/Darkling/Mal, this is how the story reads to me:

girl suspects to be special, carefully pretends to be normal so she can stay with Good Boy

the girl’s powers eventually manifest; she’s forcibly separated from Good Boy

the girl’s powers attract Bad Boy who is her equal and opposite but is also a major asshole

girl initially falls for Bad Boy; has to learn a hard lesson that nobody that sexy will ever want her for who she is, he’s just trying to exploit her

also, no, there is no such thing as a Power Couple

girl is literally given a slave collar by Bad Boy through which he harnesses her power (a parody of the Twin Scars trope)

you know how the story initially suggested that the joint powers of Darkness and Light would defeat evil? LOL NO, Darkness is actually evil itself and the way you destroy evil is using Light to destroy Darkness, forget that whole Jungian bullshit of integrating your shadow, silly!

conclusion: girl realizes being special sucks. She was right all along! Hiding and suppressing her powers was the best choice! She goes back to the start, to the same Good Boy she was meekly pining for prior to the start of the story.

... there’s an uncomfortable overall subtext that reads a lot like a cautionary tale against - look, not just against darkships and villain/heroine pairings, but also *overpowered* heroines and, well... change? Growth?

Like, it’s certainly a Choice that Alina starts the story *already* in love with Mal. That she always knew it was him. The realization could have happened later (making the dynamic much more shippable, too), but no. 

#anon #asks #* #sab for ts #long post #darklina for ts #malina for ts #sorry it took me a while but i wanted to see the whole season first

[cosmicjoke]

Alright, so onto chapter 2 of “No Regrets”.  

I want to talk a little about these opening panels, when Levi, Furlan and Isabel are being driven to HQ by carriage.  They seem unimportant, but I think they’re actually really important in understanding Levi’s psychology going into this new situation they’re all in.

We see the interior of the carriage, with Levi and the other two, along with an escort from the SC.  Furlan and Isabel are both looking out the window of the carriage, and in particular, Isabel seems incredibly excited and in awe of the passing view.  She’s stood up, with her face pressed to the window.  And in the next panel, we see her looking at a little girl with her mother, dressed nicely and holding a doll.  This really encapsulates everything Isabel herself has probably never had.  A reliable mother to take care of her, fancy clothes and toys to play with.  Essentially, an actual childhood.  We see Isabel’s face in the window, and her mouth is open in wonder, her eyes wide.  Like she can’t believe what she’s seeing.  It emphasizes the depravation and lack of privilege she’s endured all her life.  Meanwhile, by contrast, Levi sits there with his head bowed down, ignoring the passing scenery, looking deeply unhappy, even depressed.  When he does look up though, he sees Isabel looking out the window, and on the close up shot of him, he’s got an almost thoughtful expression, if still extremely dour.  No doubt, Levi is feeling uneasy and uncertain about the situation they’ve all gotten themselves into here, but I’m also sure that he’s unable to ignore the bubbling over excitement of Isabel, her obvious joy in being, at last, on the surface.  I’ll get more into this later in the post, when we see Levi really considering his friends and their dreams, and how it influences and dictates his own decisions.

But first lets talk a little about Erwin and his role in all of this.

Now at the time this series came out, Erwin’s actual, motivating reasons for doing what he does weren’t yet known, so it’s interesting to read into his actions in this story with that context.  I have no doubt that Erwin really DOES care about humanity, and wants to fight for it, and its salvation.  But as we come to learn from the main series, he places his own dream of proving his father right about the existence of human’s beyond the walls above what’s best for humanity, and it puts his actions in this story into an interesting, if harsher light.

No doubt, Erwin is a master manipulator.  He plays both sides expertly against the middle in this story, and I’ll get more into it by the end, when his actual plan is revealed to Levi.  But what I don’t see often discussed is how, exactly, Erwin got all the parts moving in the direction he wanted, to obtain a specific outcome, and how he pretty ruthlessly uses so many people as pawns to do so.  It’s obvious from the context of what we later learn in the story that Erwin first spread a rumor about having evidence against Lovof stealing funds in order to force him into tipping his hand by trying to make a preemptive move.  What I see people miss all the time, or at least, fail to discuss, is how Erwin also, at the same time, made it public knowledge within the Capital, that he would be going after a group of thugs in the Underground who had shown exceptional skill using ODM gear, and that he would be making contact with them as soon as possible to try and enlist them into military service, and how Erwin made these plans public specifically to encourage Lobov into seeking out Levi and his friends for the exact purpose of both implicating Lobov in a crime, and gaining Levi’s and his friends strength for the SC.  One, by hiring a group of criminals to steal from Erwin and attempt to assassinate him, so he could use that as leverage in case he wasn’t able to obtain proof of Lobov’s further criminal activities, thus having two means of getting rid of one of the SC’s biggest threats, and at the same time, also manage to score for the SC the exceptional skill of Levi and his friends through forced enlistment.  He even says to Zackely at one point “I intend to make use of anyone who has even the smallest potential during this expedition.”.  Erwin manipulated and had control of this entire scenario from the start, and from behind these scenes moved all of these people exactly how he wanted to, to achieve his goals.  That’s pretty impressive, but also pretty scary.  Well, I’ll talk more about all of that when we get to it later on.

Back to Levi and his friends though.

We see them arrive at the SC HQ, and a really important conversation happens between Levi and Furlan.  

Furlan seems like he’s almost bitten off more than he can chew here, beginning to express his concern to Levi about what joining the SC actually means, before Levi cuts him off, telling him he’s got no intention of enlisting, and that he only agreed to come along so that he could get closer to Erwin and then kill him.  I think Levi genuinely felt murderous towards Erwin at this point, and really means what he says here, at least about killing him.  Though given the end of chapter 1, with the significant look shared between Levi and Furlan, and Levi’s begrudging acceptance of Erwin’s offer, it’s obvious that Levi also agreed to come because that’s what Furlan wanted him to do, to give them the opportunity they needed.  Levi’s just feeling incredibly emotional here, I think, with the way Erwin treated all of them hot on his mind.  Furlan tries to implore Levi to forget about killing Erwin, that it isn’t necessary anymore because of his own plan, and the almost certainty that Lobov and his people won’t ever try to make contact with them again.  He tells Levi, if he just listens to him and follows his plan, “I know it’ll work.  Trust me, Levi.”  Furlan asking him to trust him pulls a meaningful look from Levi, seeming to break through Levi’s angry insistence on killing Erwin.  This is where the manga improved on Levi’s characterization and motivation by leaps and bounds over the visual novel, because in the next few panels, we see Levi walking away, with Furlan calling after him, concerned, but we get to see Levi’s inner thoughts, and he’s remembering specifically Furlan insisting to him that “one day, we’ll get outta this trash heap and live up above.”  We see Levi thinking about Furlan’s hopes and dreams in these panels, and he has a saddened, and guilt-ridden look on his face, like he feels bad about having dismissed Furlan’s plans back there in favor of his own plans for revenge.  We didn’t get any of this in the visual novel, instead the text there making Levi look like he refused to consider anyones position but his own in this whole situation.  But here, Levi is clearly concerned with and considering Furlan’s desires.  

We go into a flashback then, with Furlan explaining to Levi his plans, telling him that “nothing’s gone according to plan... But with you here we’ll really be able to raise hell.”  Furlan’s trying to explain to Levi that since he now has Levi’s strength to rely on, they can actually get something done once they get into the Survey Corps.  It almost seems like Furlan’s been planning on trying something like this, or at least, had some sort of loose plan about getting to the surface, even before he met Levi.  It’s obviously something he’s been dreaming about for a long time.

Then Isabel comes back, and she’s been roughed up and assaulted, and we learn from Furlan asking her if she went to see those “low-life scumbags again?” that this has obviously happened to her before, that she’s been associating with some bad people and it’s gotten her hurt.  She denies it and lies about having just tripped, but clearly neither Levi or Furlan are buying that.  Levi asks Isabel what happened to her hair, and Isabel reacts badly, running away and hiding in her room.  We get a close up of Levi holding a knife in his hands, foreshadowing his own intentions.  Later that night, Furlan hears Isabel crying in her room, and her chanting to herself over and over that she’s going to “kill you”, presumably meaning the men that hurt her earlier.  Furlan stands there lamenting that he thinks both Levi and Isabel are going “mad”, and that all they can think about is dragging everyone else down to where they are.  He’s obviously terrified that he’s going to lose both his friends to the savagery and ruthlessness of the Underground, that both of them are going to end up becoming lost to their own anger and pain.  He starts to say “That’s why I...” before Levi suddenly comes back in, holding a bloody knife, clearly having returned from exacting revenge on the men who hurt Isabel.  Furlan asks Levi “Did you kill them...?”, and Levi doesn’t answer, but we see a completely resigned, even sad look on his face.  This of course is the world Levi comes from.  It’s the world he was raised in.  A world of kill or be killed.  Levi must have figured, if he didn’t go out and kill those men that had hurt Isabel now, then someday, they would end up going too far with her, and kill her instead.  But Furlan clearly doesn’t understand, and doesn’t relate to that kind of mindset, despite coming from the Underground too.  Of course, Furlan wasn’t raised by Kenny the Ripper either.  This is how Levi was taught to deal with his problems, and Furlan can only see him spiraling into an abyss from which he fears Levi won’t return.

We cut back to the present then, and Levi is sitting up on the roof of the SC HQ, again remembering Furlan’s words about “This is our chance.  Trust me.”.  Getting to the surface and finding better lives for themselves is Furlan’s dream.  The fact that Levi keeps remembering it, keeps remembering Furlan insisting and pushing the idea of the possibility of living on the surface, shows that this is probably something he would talk about all the time with Levi, trying to get him to agree to it, to believe in it.  Once again, Levi is contemplating the hopes and dreams of his friends.  We get another close up of him holding a knife, and it represents, I think, his struggle between his desire for revenge against Erwin, and his desire to help Furlan realize what, to Levi, is probably an unrealistic goal.

We then get Furlan and Isabel joining Levi, commenting on how beautiful the night sky is, and asking Levi how he could keep it to himself.  Levi snips testily at Furlan that him and Isabel are so loud, that he’d be too irritated to get any killing done, and then Furlan looking clearly unsettled by the remark.  But it’s obvious, given the context of the previous panels of Levi’s thinking about Furlan’s dream, that Levi is just being peevish and saying things out of frustration and confusion.  He doesn’t really mean what he says here.  He’s taking his frustration out on Furlan by saying what he knows will upset him the most.  What this also tells us is that Levi is very much aware of how bothered Furlan is by Levi’s willingness to kill.  He isn’t at all oblivious to it, and given his resigned, saddened expression after coming back from killing the men who assaulted Isabel, I would say Levi even understands Furlan’s dismay.  That’s a glimpse at Levi’s famous compassion.

The next panels show the three of them bonding, sitting together and admiring the night sky.  Isabel asks Levi if the stars are as pretty as where he used to live.  I’m just going to chalk the mistake in continuity here up to this manga coming out before, I believe, Levi’s backstory of being born in a brothel in the Underground was established by Isayama.  Regardless of this mistake, this is an important moment between the three of them.  You can see the awe and wonder they all feel, looking up and seeing the sky fully for what has to be the first time in all their lives.  Remember, all three of them have lived literally underground their entire lives, with little to no sunlight, stagnant, stale air, hideously unclean living conditions, etc...  It must be overwhelming to them , just to see nature in all its splendor like that.  It’s after sharing this moment together that Levi tells Furlan that he’s decided he won’t kill Erwin for now.  He looks at him and says “I’m going to trust you.”.  And Furlan smiles at him, clearly happy and relieved.  This scene is really important, because we’re seeing Levi choose Furlan’s dream over his own desire for revenge.  We see Levi place Furlan’s desires over his own, which is totally in line with how Levi is in the main AoT storyline.  He decides his revenge can wait, that it’s not as important as helping Furlan achieve his goals.  What’s particularly remarkable about this, I think, is that it doesn’t appear that Levi ever dreamed of going to the surface himself, and likely that he never even considered it a possibility.  So just like Levi fights, later on, for a world without fear and violence, for humanity’s salvation, even as all his life experiences tell him it likely isn’t possible, we see the Levi doing the same here, deciding to fight for his friend’s dream, even as to him, it seems unrealistic.  It’s obviously a pivotal moment too, when Levi tells him he’s going to trust him, because this ties in hugely with the theme which applies so much to Levi throughout the whole series, of never knowing if it’s better to rely on himself solely, to trust himself, or to trust and rely on his friends and their capabilities.  Levi chooses, here, to trust in his friends, and that will obviously have it’s own ramifications down the line.  Again, this is an area in which the manga improves radically over the visual novel, which had no instances whatsoever of Levi struggling with the question of the choices we make, which is absurd, since it’s one of the driving factors behind who Levi is, and how he ultimately came to see the world as he does.  It was precisely this struggle between choices, between trying to choose correctly, giving so much thought and effort to our choices, and still sometimes coming out wrong, that shaped Levi into being able to accept his lack of control and instead of regretting it, using it to keep fighting.  

Anyway, I’ll get to chapter 3 tomorrow.  

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #No Regrets #acwnr #Levi Ackerman #isabel magnolia #furlan church #Erwin Smith #meta #snk analysis

[percabeth4life]

What do you think about solanglo? I have heard some people calling it toxic because Will some point in TOA victims blames Nico or something like that.

Oh dear anon you must be new.

I am not a fan of Solangelo. At all.

For one yes Will does blame Nico for being ostracized, says it’s him who pushed everyone away and they all wanted to be friends with him. This isn’t really why I don’t like it, I have other reasons for that. But this wasn’t okay and the fact that Rick had this happen with Nico having some massive out of nowhere crush on Will is??? That’s not okay Rick?? Nico would not react well to that? And you just had him all gushy and lovey dovey over Will?

‘I don’t want a place in their camp,’ Nico snarled. ‘Or in yours. When this war is over, I’m leaving both camps for good.’

Will Solace made a sound like he’d been punched. ‘Why would you do that?’

Nico scowled. ‘It’s none of your business, but I don’t belong. That’s obvious. No one wants me. I’m a child of –’

‘Oh, please.’ Will sounded unusually angry. ‘Nobody at Camp Half-Blood ever pushed you away. You have friends – or at least people who would like to be your friend. You pushed yourself away. If you’d get your head out of that brooding cloud of yours for once –’ (Blood of Olympus page 279)

Yeah, this is not at all okay and blames Nico for how he was treated, and in fact denies he was treated that way at all. And after that Will got all mad at him for not coming to visit him in the infirmary as if this wasn’t their literal only interaction previously.

There are 2 main reasons I don’t like Solangelo.

1. Age gap

I do not accept changing ages mid book. Nico was 12 in TLO, and 13 in HOO. He turned 14 before the last book of TOA. Rick has confirmed that Will at least was 15. He also changed Nico’s age. This age change happened in HOO, he made Nico 14 instead of 13. I never accept his mid book changes (Walt went from 14 to 16 and Hazel went from 14 to 13) so for me Nico is 13 when he starts this relationship with a 15 year old.

I know for some people this age gap is okay, but my little sister was in one such relationship at the same age and we almost filed a restraining order against the older boy. That age gap at that age is not okay for me. At all. Not until both parties are 15/16.

So for one, the age gap that exists. Rick should not be changing ages to make ships happen (2/3 times it makes the ship worse actually??) so I don’t acknowledge those changes. Other’s have different opinions on that, that’s their right. On the age gap area I concede easily that we have different opinions.

But the second point is not one that can be reasoned with difference of opinion

2. Doctor/patient relationship

Will is canonically Nico’s doctor. It’s played as a joke at times but it is canonical and recognized by everyone at the camp. Nico has doctor’s notes from Will to get him special privileges and Will gives him doctor’s orders fairly often.

First off ethically this is not okay. As in it’s literally against the doctor code of ethics.

Romantic or sexual interactions between physicians and patients that occur concurrently with the patient physician relationship are unethical. Such interactions detract from the goals of the patient-physician relationship and may exploit the vulnerability of the patient, compromise the physician’s ability to make objective judgments about the patient’s health care, and ultimately be detrimental to the patient’s well-being.

A physician must terminate the patient-physician relationship before initiating a dating, romantic, or sexual relationship with a patient.

Likewise, sexual or romantic relationships between a physician and a former patient may be unduly influenced by the previous physician-patient relationship. Sexual or romantic relationships with former patients are unethical if the physician uses or exploits trust, knowledge, emotions, or influence derived from the previous professional relationship, or if a romantic relationship would otherwise foreseeably harm the individual. (Source)

Doctor/patient relationships are forbidden by the AMA (their policy is above). Even getting into a relationship with a previous patient is frowned upon.

I am not in any way comfortable with how Rick wrote their relationship, it has far too much power in Will’s hands and makes Nico rely on Will way too much. Their relationship is not ethically sound at all and I am not okay with it. This relationship is heavily imbalanced and the fact that I see people say that it’s because Will is Nico’s doctor that the relationship is good is horrifying to me. Knowing anything about the doctors code of ethics would tell you it’s the exact opposite.

I don’t care what people ship personally, ship and let ship is my policy, but I have never and will never ship solangelo in any fashion.

So that’s what I think of Solangelo anon <3

#anon asks #life answers #anti solangelo #pjo #hoo #toa #nico di angelo #will solace #this is tagged with anti guys #don't @ me #have the anti tag blocked if you don't want to see anti solangelo #anti-solangelo #I tagged it TWICE

[theladyscarlettt]

Forgotten Figures (pt. 5)

This part is longer than the other parts, I apologize to all my fellow ADD/ADHD readers. However, the length was needed for the plot and character arcs (specifically a certain elf.) I really hope you all like it and keep a look out for the Easter Egg I left for you. ~The Lady Scarlettt

Link to Forgotten Figures (pt. 4)

---

*Warning: a suggestive scene, mild language

---

She paced the chamber floor, the words of Thranduil plaguing her thoughts. She looked at the chair in which he occupied the evening before, rage consuming her. She sucked in her breath to hold back a cry, walked over to the chair and slung it across the room. The chair slammed into her night stand, causing the daggers to fall to the ground. She knelt down to pick one up, her eyes beginning to sting. She turned the smooth blade in her clammy hands, and thought of what she would say to him. 

She could tell him about his father’s visit, but it would spark a very, unwanted conflict. She even tossed around the idea of fleeing the kingdom, but that was a foolish, cowardly and selfish notion. While her love for the prince was enough, she could not deny the unsettling burden that came with the idea of leaving. Mirkwood was her home. She was raised here, Tauriel was here, and as much as her present circumstances caused her great peril, her loyalty was to the crown, for she has known nothing else.

She simply was a creature with a title that held no knowledge of the true cruelty, sorrow and inequity the world held. As she sat dazed by the colors of the white gemmed speckled daggers, she understood the days of fantasizing and dreaming were no more. Her childhood, through the night, had abandoned her and left her with nothing but hope, the most dangerous of all emotions.

Her decision came to her, and so did a knock at the door.

She jumped slightly, gripping the dagger in her hand. She wiped her eyes and frantically stood trying to find somewhere to conceal the white gem handled daggers. 

“One moment!” she called, finding the wooden box they were gifted in. She placed the dagger inside, hesitated, then locked it.

She approached the door trying to calm her breathing, as she slowly opened the door, she saw a worried Tauriel. She let out a sigh of relief.

“Y/N,” she smiled warmly, “Are you alright? I heard you were not feeling well, is there anything I can do?” 

Y/N forced a congested cough, “I will be alright tomorrow, thank you for your concern.” 

Tauriel looked past her into the disheveled room, than back to Y/N, “Are you sure, you’re alright?” not waiting for an answer she walked past her into the room.

“I- ugh.” Y/N groaned, closing the door. 

Tauriel inspected the room and began to pick up clothing, books and bottles. 

“Tauriel,” Y/N groaned, “I’m alright really, you do not have to clean for me.” 

Tauriel, ignoring her picked up the wooden box on the bed. “I’ve never seen this before, it’s beautiful.” She turned to Y/N. “What’s in it?” She asked, turning it in her hands.

“Nothing, just some old letters from... my parents.” Y/N lied.

Tauriel smiled sadly and laid the box down, “Is that what it is? I can’t believe its been so long ago.”

Y/N paused, in all the chaos she had forgotten it was the anniversary of her parents passing. She slumped and sat on the other end of the bed.

“I’m sorry, I did not mean to barge in, I just needed to know you were alright. Two guards were found unconscious last night outside the West Wing.” Tauriel said, trying to change the topic. 

Y/N perked up, “The West Wing? Why that’s where the royal vault is. Who would do such a thing?”

“I am uncertain, but the King is investigating everyone on their whereabouts last night.” She said.

“Was something stolen?” Y/N questioned.

“I’m not sure but someone from one of the units said a few of the White Gems of Lasgalen were missing. I’m sure it was merely a superstition for we all know the lengths the King will go to for those pieces of rock.” She laughed.

Y/N suddenly felt ill at the coincidence of timing, she looked to the box by Tauriel.

Tauriel turned to face Y/N, “Y/N! Why you look faint.” She moved closer to her friend, “Are you sure I can not fetch you some water or-”

“Tauriel,” Y/N whispered, “I need to ask a favor of you.”

“Yes, anything.” She said with concerned eyes.

“I want you to take that box, go to the woods and bury it, but do not tell me where.” She whispered.

Tauriel looked from Y/N to the box with suspicion, “Are those not your last ties to your family?”

“I know I must move on,” Y/N said desperately “but I do not know I have the strength to do so. Please, rid me of its sight, that’s all I ask of you.” 

Tauriel looked to her friend, then to the box. While there were no words spoken, there were none needed, for some reason or another, she understood.

“Y/N you are like a sister to me, and I trust you more than life its self.” She grabbed the box, “I only hope you trust me the same.”

Y/N looked to Tauriel, tears in her eyes, “I do. I promise to you-”

“Do not make promises you can not keep.” Tauriel said and stood, “I will do as you have said, all I ask is, in time, for your truth. Until then, I will wait for you.” She left, closing the door softly behind her.

---

Y/N lay asleep in her bed, when the window opened from outside. The prince stuck his head in and was alarmed by the disarray of the room. When he spotted her amongst the mess, he stepped in, quietly closing the window behind him.

“Y/N,” he whispered, creeping over to her bed. 

She turned in her sleep, a soft moan escaping her lips.

He smiled sweetly at her resting face. It never ceased to amaze him how she always seemed so graceful, even in her slumber. He sat softly on the bed, and placed a hand on her arm. “Y/N,” he whispered again.

Her eyes shot open but before he could react, she grabbed his wrist twisting it behind his back and latched her arm around his neck, pulling his body to her.

“It’s me- It’s agh,” he gagged, “It’s me!”

Her eyes widened in embarrassment, “Legolas! Forgive me, I thought- I thought you were someone else.” She released him and her eyes frantically searched the room.

“Hey, Hey.” He hushed, grabbing her shoulder, “Are you alright? I should be the one frightened, not you.” he laughed.

She looked to him, her breathing slowing. “I’m sorry” she said placing a hand over her chest.

“It’s alright, you’re alright,” he sang, pulling her into him, “Are you alright?”

“I do not know,” she said her eyes checking the room again.

He pulled back, with a worried expression, “Has something happened? Tauriel told me you were ill.”

She almost scoffed but caught herself, “I’m alright, truly. I just ate something sour I suppose. Tauriel? Did you prompt her?”

“Why no,” Legolas chuckled, “Father and I were coming back through the forest from the river, when I spotted Tauriel alone in the woods. She looked tired, so I offered her my horse, that’s when she told me she was out looking for Athelas, for your fever.” He placed a hand on her check, “Seems they worked.” he smiled.

“So, she did do it” Y/N mumbled, feeling guilty for questioning her friend’s loyalty.

“Do what?” he questioned.

“You never miss a beat do you?” she teased.

“Never.” he grinned, leaning back against the headboard, realizing she was hiding something.

Thranduil’s words echoed in the back of her mind as she stared at Legolas. The dreadful hope she so clung to, quarreled with the reality she now faced. She could no longer look him in the eyes. 

Legolas felt something was severely wrong but he was not sure what. He looked around her room at the piled clothing, opened books and overturned furniture. He sighed, “I wish you would tell me what is the matter. I feel as if I am to do with it.” he reached out to test her and she jerked away. “So, it is.”

“I can not do this anymore, Legolas.” she blurted out.

He blinked, “What do you mean?” he asked, even though he knew what she implied.

She stood, biting her finger, as she did when she was nervous or in deep thought, “This. Us. I can not continue to see you.” her voice cracked.

He sat up on the edge of the bed, “and why not?”

“You said it yourself, we can no longer sneak around for the rest of our lives. We were never meant to be together and deep down you know it, practically everything is against it.” With every word she spoke, her heart began to break

“What has prompted such speech from you?” Legolas questioned, with a bitter tone. “Was it not two evenings ago you said-”

“I know what I said, damn you.” She spat. “But I also know that we are fools to think we have the privilege to enjoy such pleasures. We do not have that freedom. You are the prince, you are the heir to the throne-”

“To hell with the throne,” He stood, the light in his eyes now gone, “To hell with the titles! You know, I care nothing for it or the riches it holds. It is not and has never been the life I wanted, I was merely born into it by chance.”

“Then why don’t you just walk away, if you fucking hate it so much.” she yelled, shocked by her new found anger.

He looked at her, like she were a fool, “because I can’t.”

“and why not?” she asked, trying to maintain the act but there was little to no confidence in her attempts.

“My father, would never allow his only son to leave, you have no idea who he truly is or what he is capable of.” His eyes fell.

“Legolas,” she breathed. She looked to the ceiling to keep the tears from streaming down her face. She could not do go through with it. “Legolas, I’m sorry, I did not mean any of what I said. I didn’t know what to do. I was just frightened because your father, he-”

“Will not accept us, I know.” he said flatly, not meeting her eyes. 

“No, no, Legolas, he came-” She tried to reach for the words to fix the situation.

“If he does not, I will leave.” he said.

Her eyes widened, “What? No. Legolas you can not leave. Not over this, not over me, that’s so foolish of you.”

He turned to face her, “Then let me be a fool.” He approached her, “I rather live my life with meaning, then live it meaningless. For you, I would do it.”

“Legolas, one does not simply walk away from such duties,” she rejected him by backing away. This was the worse possible scenario she hoped would not happen. The heir, abandoning the realm. The chaos that could unfold at the news of an open throne with no one acting as it’s rightful successor. Wars would unfold. Wars because of her.

She felt her back press against a wall. She looked into his ocean eyes, the moon light was perfectly illuminating his silver, starlight hair. She felt many things in that moment, many things one could not help to feel after someone professed their love in such a way. “Legolas,” she pleaded, “Please, do not make this mistake, on my behalf. I forbid it.”

He looked down at her, and shook his head, “I’m willing to accept the costs of my errors, if they are so much as that.”

She could not tell if it were guilt or lust that made her give in to him but she did.

He knew she withheld something more from him, something important. He could not help, but wonder if his father had threatened her. However, he knew in her present state of manic, she would not speak, unless, she felt she could trust his actions. While her mind was far more intelligent than his, the desires of the flesh, unfortunately would have their way, in her vulnerable state. He felt shameful as his mind tossed around the one thing that would obtain him this information.

“Forgive me,” he said, his breath hot and dripping with shame.

So, he seduced her.

She felt his lips press against her’s as his hands ran down to find the curve of her back. His lips were soft, and his taste was sweet. She found herself, unconsciously, kissing him back harder each time. He smiled through her kisses, and eagerly tugged at her lip with his teeth. She moved her hands up to his tunic’s collar, pulling him towards her. To balance himself, he placed his hand up against the wall, and with the other, slipped his hand down to her thigh, pulling it up. She leaned against the wall as he kissed her passionately, his tongue familiarizing itself with its surroundings.

All of the fear and anger that had seemed so prominent before, slowly seemed more foreign to her with each passing second. She had never felt so timid, yet so daring in her life.

She reached up, gathering his hair between her fingers and pulled his head to the side to reveal his strong, veined neck. She placed light kisses alongside his jaw line and then began to mark it. She barely heard the moan, escape his lips as he leaned against her. Before she could finish, he impatiently patted her thigh, to which she jumped lightly and he picked her up, shoving her back against wall, to begin leaving a trail of kisses along her collar bone. Her eyes fluttered as she dug her nails into his back. 

He suddenly set her down, to which she looked to him disappointed, but he had a smug look on his red face. He quickly bent down, grabbing her behind the knees and slung her over his shoulder. She could not hold back the laughter that radiated throughout the chamber. He spun her around once, for good measure before flipping her onto the bed. She began to laugh that sweet laugh he loved but he placed a finger over her slightly swollen lips. 

“Shh,” he hushed, “Secret Scandal, remember?’ 

She rolled her eyes and playfully slapped him. 

He then grew serious, guilt stopping him, “Are you sure? We can always wait a while longer.”

She smiled up at him, her fingers tracing the gorgeous, ethereal features of his face. “Promise me,” she looked down, “No matter what happens, you will not forsake me.”

He looked at her, not knowing it then, but the lie in which he would tell, would haunt him for the rest of his life, “I would never do anything to harm you. You have my word.”

She looked up to him, stroking his face lovingly, feeling safe within his presence, “Then, yes, I’m sure.” Her breath danced with his as he kissed her, this time, somehow, even more sweetly.

---

“You see Gimli,” she said, “It’s funny how people lie when they are afraid.”

Link to Forgotten Figures (pt. 6)

#legolas #legolasxreader #legolasimages #legolasfanart #legolasgreenleaf #legolas x reader #forgotten figures #theladyscarlettt #the fellowship of the ring #thehobbit #gimli #aragorn #aragorn x reader #tauriel #thranduil x reader #thranduil #bilbo #frodo

[maeviana]

Lorelai Gilmore & Luke Danes Analysis & how I would change the story

A Lorelai Gilmore analysis because apparently I'm doing this for everyone on the show now!

Lorelai Gilmore...how do I begin to describe Lorelai Gilmore. There are times when Lorelai can be my favourite character and times where she can be my least favourite character. 

 I think Lorelai denying the fact that she is still very privileged despite leaving her parents world when she was 16 is one reason she can drive me up the walls. Lorelai is a conventionally attractive white woman who fits the trope of 'single mom but my child is really smart so men don't see it as a turn off' - she seems to be able to get any guy she wants, the whole town falls at her feet and are willing to do pretty much anything to help her, she was promoted to Manager seemingly above Michelle (who actually went to school to train to be a concierge or whatever he is and who we know started at the same time as Lorelai) Lorelai has all the advantages of someone who spent their whole life in a small town but whenever she needs it or wants it she always has her parents money to fall back on or their connections which I get makes her uncomfortable and I don't hold her privilege against her - no but what I can hold against her is the fact that Lorelai Gilmore is not a pay it forward kind of gal.

When I say that Lorelai is not very "pay it forward" I'm going to talk about three incidents where Lorelai benefitted from something in the past which she does not need anymore and which she very begrudgingly relinquishes.

1. The first is when Suki wants to ask her if Rune can sleep in the potting shed while he is out of work. Lorelai's response to this is "Suki that's where Rory and I stayed when she was a baby" Just to recap Lorelai was allowed to stay in the potting shed rent free when Rory was growing up until Rory was 11 until she could afford to get a place of her own. Which is fine. But Lorelai has her own place now and now she is in a position to help someone else who could use the same help that she was once given and her first instinct is to keep it for herself which is made worse by the fact that Suki is asking her - Suki is Head Chef at the Inn and so she equals Lorelai in rank - as long as Rune staying in the shed doesn't interfere with the running of the inn, it should not be Lorelai's place to deny her.

2. When Jess comes to town. When Jess comes to town Lorelai doubts Luke's ability to care for a rebellious teen - which again is fine. She tries to reach out to Jess twice and ....things don't go well which I also think is fine (except for her essentially telling Jess that Dean is better than him ummm wtf Lorelai he's 17) ...look I could do a whole other post about Lorelai and Jess' interactions (Jess is my absolute favourite character on the show so you can probably guess what I'm going to say) and why they don't get on but I'm going to focus on Lorelai's reaction to the car crash and what she says to Luke in 'Teach Me Tonight' when Luke tells her he has an obligation to Jess and she responds that he had an obligation to the town and to her and to Rory. We are shown and we are told that Luke has done a lot for Lorelai and would do a lot for someone that he cares about, however, I think again that on some level Lorelai thinks of Luke's generosity towards her as a special privilege just her own. I don't think Lorelai views Jess as someone like herself who needs a "Mia" or a "Luke" to help him get through a difficult time to let him stay in a metaphorical emotional "potting shed" but look having said that she does cut Jess some breaks and does help Luke understand things about Jess.

3. Her not wanting Mia to sell the Independence Inn because she wanted a memory home....ummm what. the. fuck?

Growing up Emily tried to control almost every aspect of Lorelai's life and this has impacted Lorelai by her being ultra controlling in her own life. I think her need to have complete control over her life made it very difficult for her to get serious with anyone because to do so you need to have a 50/50 say in a shared life. I think it's really telling that her two major love interests even over the guy she was engaged to are two men who have been in her life the longest.

I think at the end of the day when it comes to relationships Lorelai just wants someone to love her and to listen to her. She wants someone who would be willing to sleep on a park bench outside her window and someone to call at 2am. i think Emily and Richard we’re a real unit in their household and I think Emily was a Wife first, a lady of high society second and a mother third. Richard was well emotionally shut down and was all about appearances. But Emily and Richard work well as a unit, they are kind of like Lorelai and Rory that way they have their own way of doing things, their own language. I think it was hard for Lorelai growing up an only child next to that kind of relationship but not on the inside. 

The story line I'm most annoyed about the writers dropping for Lorelai was the story line of her now living her life as an adult woman without a child - about her not wanting to be pregnant. The offer from her Dad's friend to buy the inn and for her to go travelling by herself! But if there is one thing that comes for all television characters in shows in the 00s it's hetero normative ideals those relentless bitches! Because...here is the thing I think that the life Rory thinks she wants for herself travelling and seeing the world as an independent woman that life is really the life that Lorelai wants. Lorelai is very like her Dad and she even says that she wants to travel like her Dad always travelled and I'm so annoyed that THAT wasn't the major Luke and Lorelai conflict instead of April Nardini. (who I think was in part written as a way to give Luke a biological child of his own and still get with Lorelai ....because again hetero-normativity) (its a trope *cough* How I met your mother *cough*) That's why the whole "Wild" trip was written for Lorelai in my opinion it's because Lorelai does want to go out and have an adventure and she does want to find herself. What's more annoying about this story line being dropped though is because the seeds for it being a major Luke and Lorelai conflict are there. Dean telling Luke that Lorelai wants more than Stars Hollow, Lorelai's curiousity about the job offer from her Dad's friend and Lukes reaction to that, Lorelai realising that some of her aversion to certain paths in life come from her parents wanting them for her which may include "going corporate" which could open doors for travel. That’s how Luke lost the last love of his life - Rachel. It was potrayed that she was always leaving - but it could also be interpreted as Luke never following her. Then Lorelai wants to travel to run incorporations of an inn that Rachel introduced her to through her pictures. 

Think about it Luke's major character flaw is that he finds change very difficult. He lives in the same town he has lived in his whole life, he doesn't change his clothes, he can't make a move. This made sense for Luke before - he needed to be so solid because his family was so erratic, he needed to be there for his dad, he needed to be there to bail his sister out but at the end of the show Luke has no reason not to change, his business is well established enough that he could trust Ceasar to run it while he was away, he (would not have had) any children, any real reason to stay in the town other than stubbornness.

I don't find April annoying as a character - I find why she was written annoying. Luke didn't need a kid. The show is filled with biological parent child relationships that don't work, that show that bonds are more about being there for someone than being in their DNA. I feel like writing as if Luke needs to have a child is just weird (it's stated and shown on multiple occasion he in fact really doesn't like kids), when he's been a relative hermit up to age what 35/40 means that maybe he'd be ok without kids and the fact that Luke is loved like a father by Jess and by Rory but no Luke needs biological children because? why?

And then Jess (who was always ready to leave and never shows his cards when it comes to love) could show up and tell him that he should go be with Lorelai wherever , that he’ll make sure Liz and TJ don’t join any vegetable cults. Because Luke now has someone else in his family that he can rely on and he doesn’t have to plan funerals and interventions for his crazy family members on his own and also the this plot line would fall in nicely with the GG theme song but that’s not that big of a deal. 

#gilmore girls #rory gilmore #lorelai gilmore #lorelei gilmore #GG #luke danes #jess mariano