#I’m sorry I’m selfish and ungrateful. im sorry I overreact to everything | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

traumabrained · 7 years

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hi i'm pretty sure my parents are abusive but im not really sure because it seems like normal stuff but when i think about events isolated i'm like that's definitely not okay but saying they're abusive seems like saying they're bad and i feel ungrateful and selfish and like im overreacting for that? i don't know they had things a lot worse than us and they think they're doing a good job and i'm grateful to them for a lot of things but i feel like i'm just being bratty for caring? idk (part 1)

( part two ) i just want to know if some behaviors are abusive i guess? and if they're abusive to a point where it's rational to care? idk i sound annoying and nonsensical im sorry this is mostly revolving around csa because it's what bothers me most so i was sexually abused as a child and i don't think my parents know about it but at the same time i feel like how could they not? i don't want to blame them for being clueless because i never told them but as a young child i was hypersexual

( part three ) in a sort of mild way, i watched porn and they found out, i also talked about sex a few times but every time i did they would get really upset and whoop me so i stopped. i was really young though and i don't understand how it wasn't a red flag for them? it seems almost neglectful? i can recognize other patterns of abusive objectively, like i can think about my mom beating me and whether or not i want to label her abusive i realize that's not okay for a parent to do but

( part four )im sorry this is so long it confuses me sometimes i feel like they're ignoring it because they don't care but they don't really completely ignore it, my parents beat me really badly when they found out about the porn even though i was small and they told me my eyes were becoming dull and that i had ruined myself and basically reenforced beliefs about myself that i had due to the abuse, but if they didn't know? i have issues with touch and my mom insists on being really touchy

i'm the anon & that was the last one sorry for being unclear

first off don’t worry about not specifying the end--i only ask for the sake of clarity, and you didn’t know beforehand, so there’s really no worries))

to answer your first question, yes, some behaviors are absolutely abusive no matter what, such as physically harming your child, or neglecting to feed or clothe your child if you are monetarily able. this is not an exhaustive list, im just giving some examples. there are behaviors that may be abusive in some cases, but not in others, or are abusive when done by some people but not others, or to some people but not others, that kind of thing. but everything you’ve described is concretely either abusive or neglectful or both.

the signs of csa in young kids are honestly...pretty obvious for the most part. like, it’s clear that something is deeply wrong, even if it’s not clear what. so if a parent misses those signs in their young child, then there’s a 99% chance that the parent is being neglectful or abusive. see, a parent probably isn’t going to pay a huge amount of attention to their teen, because they probably don’t need constant supervision, right? but that’s not the case with, say 6 year olds. there’s a reason you dont leave your 6 year old at home alone, and thats because children need constant supervision. they are unable to fend for themselves, and they really don’t have common sense yet.

so either your parents were not providing the constant supervision that was required (neglect), or they were but didn’t notice (neglect because it’s fucking obvious so they clearly were not paying attention to you, just to whether you were drawing on the walls or not) or they did see signs and then ignored them (abuse--failing to provide medical care, which includes care for psychological issues, is abuse).

and in your case, they did see the signs. do you know, my parents did the exact same thing--i showed obvious signs of csa from a very young age, including watching porn which they found. and then instead of thinking to ask “hey has anyone touched you” or to at least investigate. they yelled at me for damaging my eternal soul. that’s all.

it’s really not your job, as a child, to tell them. it’s their job, as your parents and caretakers, to notice.

about the physical abuse--like i said, there’s no reason to harm a child. it’s morally abhorrent--harming someone who is at your mercy, who doesn’t really know what they did wrong, who is still learning how to act, who can’t fight back in any way. that’s what they’re doing. even if they come from a background where it’s socially acceptable. they’re adults. it is every adult’s responsibility to think about their actions, and to do the right thing.

hitting their child for exhibiting symptoms of csa is awful and horrifically abusive. touching you when you do not want to be touched is horrifically abusive. knowing or suspecting that you are a victim of csa, and doing nothing about it, is abusive.

i’m so sorry your parents are like this. you deserve so much better.

#im sorry this is so long and that i didnt answer for a few days #but im answering all my messages now #anonyme

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