#I hate both but I wanna conduct an experiment

[weyounpussyindulgence]

#I hate both but I wanna conduct an experiment #anti harry potter #anti twilight #fuck harry potter #fuck jk rowling #fuck jkr #fuck twilight #fuck stephanie meyer

[cookies-and-music]

Ghost. - part 2: What I knew. Part 1 here - part 3 here PAIRING: TVA!LokixOC WARNINGS: none SUMMARY: Loki meets sombody at the TVA he once knew. Unfortunately she doesn't seem to remember him. NOTE: that was supposted to be a one-shot, but I felt like writing a second part.

Time at the TVA flows differently. It's the first thing you learn arriving there. For instance, the alternation between day and night wasn't clear because there was no sun.

Loki didn't know how much time had passed since their conversation. Nor did he know how much time had passed since he sat in front of her at the desk, under the pretense of wanting company while analyzing documents. Nor did he know how much time had passed since he had stopped working to stare at her.

"If you want to ask me something, just do it. You're unsettling."

Apparently, too much time.

The truth was he had no questions.

"I was just wondering what you were working on" Loki said.

Lydia glanced up at him before returning her gaze to the documents. "The same thing as you, more or less. Dangerous variant on the run." After all, they were in the same department, so they obviously worked on the same things.

"And do you like it?"

Midgard, 2012.

"I see you wavering more and more every day" she said with a mocking smile.

"My goals have never been so clear" Loki spat.

"Oh, if you say so, great and mighty god," Lydia taunted, taking a candy from the bag she held. Loki stared, wondering what it was and where she got it.

Lydia followed his gaze, offering him a candy. "Want one?"

Loki took it and sniffed it under her amused gaze before putting it in his mouth and immediately spitting it out, making her laugh.

"But it's disgusting, I've never eaten anything so sweet and sticky."

"I bet you wouldn't want to destroy the Earth anymore if you could enjoy the pleasures it has to offer," Lydia said with a laugh, putting another candy in her mouth. "Why do you want to destroy it anyway?"

"I don't intend to destroy it, I intend to rule it," Loki narrowed his eyes.

"And what will you do with a realm you don't even like?"

Loki straightened up, looking away, but didn't respond.

Something clicked in Lydia's mind. "Ohh," she turned to him, a little too close for the god's taste, "it's your plan B."

Loki ignored her, walking toward the room where they conducted experiments on the Tesseract, but she caught up.

"It was Asgard, the one you wanted to rule. A realm of gods, full of wealth and abundance. But without candies and where everyone hates you," Lydia acidly smiled, and Loki quickened his pace. "It seems fair, everyone should have a plan B." Lydia grabbed another candy.

Loki turned to her. "And what's yours, Miss Princhett?" he said challengingly.

Lydia looked ahead, toward the end of the hallway. "This. SHIELD is plan B."

Loki turned to her, confused by the admission. "And plan A?"

"Doctor, maybe. My mother would have liked that for sure. Or a history teacher, like my other mom."

Loki stared at her for a moment, and she returned the gaze. They were polar opposites. He fiercely desired something and would do anything to get it. She, on the other hand, settled. This difference became clear to both of them in that moment. Probably, they both believed they were right and simultaneously envied each other's capacity.

"Your mouth is covered in sugar," Loki said before walking away.

TVA, 2021.

"And do you like it?"

"What a strange question," Lydia tilted her head, wrinkling her nose. "It's my job. I do what I have to."

"But isn't there anything else you'd like to do?"

Lydia opened her mouth a couple of times, then looked down before speaking. "I would have liked to be a teacher, maybe a history teacher. I've always loved the subject" she replied sadly.

"Well, I suppose this gets you close," Loki gave her an encouraging smile.

"I suppose so," she looked up at him. "And you, Loki Prince of Asgard? What do you wanna be?"

"King, of course," he spread his arms theatrically.

"Of course," she repeated with an amused air, rolling her eyes. "And what will be your first royal decree?"

"Hiring a very well-informed history teacher at court," Loki approached her, leaning on the desk as if about to confess a secret, and Lydia mimicked him, finding herself face to face with his deep blue eyes. "And I already have someone in mind," he winked.

Lydia blushed, grabbed a folder, and rolled it up before using it to hit Loki on the head.

"Ouch," he complained, rubbing his head. "That hurt."

"Oh, don't be a baby," she straightened up in her chair. "Let's get back to work before our analysts come to scold us."

Loki smiled before returning his gaze to the papers.

----

Hope you enjoyed! Feel free to leave a heart, a note or to reblog, this really helps a lot. Part 3 in a couple of days.

#loki x reader #loki x oc #loki series #loki laufeyson #loki season 2 #loki #fanfic #loki x reader images #loki x you #loki x y/n #tva!loki #tva!lokixreader #tva!lokixoc

[yandere--stuck]

I just finished playing bugsnax in like 3 days (didn't unlock everything tho) and literally every couple has potential to have MC as their 3rd. Filbo has the most potential bc of how much he obsessed over Liz 1st and now he's ur roommate! And he knows ur not crazy! Tho Liz and eggabell could've trapped u w/ them as part of the bugsnax queen,,, lots of potential in this game, they all depend on u so much how could they not fall in love a little too much. Also I love ur work!

I really hope you liked it! :D I'm replaying it rn myself and I love all the new content they added in! And I still gotta get the dlc

And you're SO RIGHT.

Wambus and Triffany would feel themselves indebted to you for all you've done to them! And... Well, their relationship wasn't in the best shape before you came along, isn't that proof that you and they are meant to be? Plus, Wambus is far too stubborn to let you go. You've helped them so much and they care about you so dearly, won't you let them take care of you in return, hon? They just wanna dote on you, it's what you deserve!

And Chandlo and Snorpy just want to protect you! And... Take care of you. And spend every moment with you. And keep you hidden from the outside world, far from the clutches of The Grumpinati and their attempts to hurt you or take you away- or, well, maybe that's just Snorpy's paranoia talking. And Chandlo knows it's not good to feed into his boyfriend's worries, but when it comes to, well, Chandlo doesn't want to take a risk, either!

Chandlo'll wrap his arms tight around you in a hug to keep you still and safe in his arms. Being really good at hugging and protecting the people he loves is why he wanted to get strong in the first place! Well, half the reason. The other half was to be really good at basketball and also lifting houses. He'll hold you and nuzzle against you while Snorpy studies you and draws diagrams and even conducts his own interviews! Though, they'll before his and Chandlo's ears only...

Lizbert and Eggabell are even more protective of you than they are for, well, each other. It makes you feel coddled. Lizbert is ecstatic when Eggabell comes along on hunting trips, but both of them insist you stay in town (where it's safe!), and, uh, you know, just keep watch. Even if you try to sneak out after them, they'll fuss over you and ask if you're hurt the moment they find you - and the entire way as they walk you back to Snaxburg.

And as much you're happy to find both of them alive and... Relatively well, your heart sinks when you realize you won't be leaving Snaktooth Island with everyone else. Don't worry, though, all you need is them....

To Filbo, you are... Everything. His light in the dark. His hero. His buddy. His best friend. His Soulmate!! I mean, it makes sense, doesn't it? You believed in him. You tool him seriously. You always reassured him and never made him feel bad about himself. And yousaved him! You saved everyone. It's only right that he show the same care... The same love you showed him. You mean the world to him. He can't take his eyes off of you, so don't worry if you feel eyes burning into the back of your head or feel hot breath on the back of your neck, heh. And if he wins the election, his first action as mayor will be using all of his power to be able to keep you all to himself and treat you like you deserved to be.

Floofty would probably come off the most... Strange. You could feel their gaze on you throughout the entirety of your stay on Snaktooth. You were sure they hated you. They'd purposefully bump into you, insult and talk down to you, force you to gather supplies for experiments with no thanks in return. And when they weren't acting like a menace toward you, they'd hole themselves up in their hut or in the wrecked ship outside of town to do goodness knows what.

And when you had finally managed to convince Floofty to come back to town, you went back to Boiling Bay to collect some bugsnax a resident was looking for, and decided to take one last peak into Floofty's makeshift hut... And you felt yoyrbresth escape your lungs. In the light of day, you could clearly see your name written and scratched into the wood over and over and over again. If you weren't able to calm yourself down, you might've thought everyone was right about Floofty - that they really were a murderer and their next target was you. But, for the life of you, you didn't know what you had done to make them so angry with you...

It's only when you leave the island and Floofty gets a better handle on dealing with their emotions and other grumpuses that Floofty gets you all alone... And confesses. You... You were all they could think about. You took up almost every thought. It terrified them. They were awful, and yet you treated them with kindness and... And it was the most frightening thing they'd ever experienced. They were so, so worried. Their work in snaxburg was all for naught. And now... Now, they couldn't protect you. If something happened... They wouldn't be able to put you back together. And it was horrifying. It was horrifying to care so much. To love you so deeply and wholly and completely, to love you so much it ached.

#yandere x reader #yandere imagines #yandere imagine #yandere scenarios #poly yandere #yandere poly #yandere bugsnax #bugsnax x reader #snorpy x reader #chandlo x Reader #flibo x Reader #lizbert x Reader #eggabell x Reader #Yandere #i know i left out cromdo beff and shelda... but it was getting long enough as it is rip 😔 #AND GRAMBLE AND WIGGLE. Listen there are so many characters

[northerngoshawk]

2023 Year-End Fic Round Up

many thanks to @itsmoonpeaches and @chocomd for the tags

oh boi i have not written a lick of a word since starting college again but here goes nothing

Words written (published or not, WIPs totally count too!): 149,165. probably have more due to wips that i started (but didn't finish) last year but for now i'll go with this number

Smut scenes written (if applicable): 0

New things I tried:

dabbled a lil in the Spiderverse fandom with my drabble a thin thread of trust, broken

tried my hand at a more romantically inclined fic premise with a love worth fighting for, my kataang forbidden lovers au

tried my hand at integrating Chinese culture a lot more into the ATLA world with Pangu, my kataang week fic written for the Injured prompt

other than that, there wasn't that much i experimented with. it felt a bit like the same old, same old

Fic I spent the most time on: definitely a love worth fighting for. twas a multi-chap with 6 chapters, with the word count ranging anywhere from 2k to 6k words? maybe even more. but not only did i want to portray the romance, i also wanted to flesh out the worldbuilding, develop other relationships b/w characters in this au, and so on. thus, this fic was warranted to be the one i spent the most time on

Fic I spent the least time on: a thin thread of trust, broken. it was really just a drabble from Thoughts i was having about Across the Spiderverse, specifically about Gwen and her relationship with her friends and Miles and also as a response to the unwarranted Gwen hate that she got post-movie something something misogyny something something redemption not being necessary for her because she was just a teen caught in a horrible situation but i digress

Favourite thing I wrote: oof idk. i think i really love how Pangu turned out, mostly because that was my first really deep dive into trying to integrate Chinese culture into the ATLA world. i know the premise of the fic was for kataang week, but my intention here was to delve deeper into the loneliness and burden Aang would inevitably feel in being the Avatar, and how it's always Katara (and his other friends) who help carry that burden with him. i think the story of Pangu really helps act as that parallel to Aang, but where the giant in the story was alone and eventually perished under the weight of his burden, Aang's friends help shoulder that weight with him and help him live.

Favourite thing I read: i'll be honest, i haven't really read a lot of fics recently, but one that does stand out for me is @chocomd's Enough, a kataang hanahaki fic, and its sequel The Deal. the writing between these two fics is incredibly gorgeous and haunting, managing to capture a kind of horrific beauty in both the hanahaki that afflicted Katara and the hope-turned-horror of Aang's eventual deal with... well, you'd have to read these fics to find out.

Writing goals for next year:

i'll probably take a sharp right turn from ATLA for now and head off towards writing fic for Genshin. i don't really have any good ideas for ATLA for now, which probably means i need a change of pace and to discover new material to work with. i'll probably come back to ATLA someday, but right now, between school and impending work and my hyperfixation on Genshin, i just can't find anything to work with.

in a similar vein above, i'm probably gonna take a break from romance and introspection and try my hand at action and adventure. unlike most of the Genshin fandom, i don't really ship anyone with anyone, and i also don't care about what the fandom thinks - i'm happy in my own little corner. i also recently read Six of Crows and i think it's high-time i try and conduct my own kind of plot. maybe through a mafia au? dungeon au? apocalypse? spy? who knows

even though i'm looking to eventually turn to Genshin, i do wanna finish up my pending Demon Slayer AU fic The Last Wind-Breather. i kinda want it to be a series of fics in the world, but for now i think i'll finish up the 2nd chapter and then come back to this au from time to time, write whatever comes to mind.

aaaand with that being said, i should probably at least get a chapter or two out for see the sky and sea (and remember me). started this fic in 2022, but even then i want to tie up my loose ends, give these fics the endings they deserve

Tagging (no pressure): @flameohotwife @benwvatt @shameaboutthedilettantism @coyotelemon and anyone else who wants to join in, feel free to!

#northern gets tagged #tag game #fanfiction ask game #ask game

[wispforever]

📂 for any of the Soul Eater crew?

I really like the idea of stein having a bunch of lab rats he uses to conduct (harmless) experiments. He has them labeled with numbers and maka gets mad at him bc he doesn't see the need to give them names (i actually drew this once but never posted it)

soul and maka are t4t besties

spirit doesn't know how to tie his tie so he leaves it knotted

blackstar calls sid old man and none of the crew know that sid raised blackstar so they're like "why are you always insulting him?? he's not even old. stein is older than he is" and then blackstar is like,, that is my DAD

when crona gets older, they get along much better with ragnarok and feel much more comfortable in their own skin. let me have this

when stein was young, he stimmed by turning in circles when he was excited. now he spins on his roller chair

as the oldest of the group, tsubaki feels a big sister esque responsibility for the younger crew and checks in on everybody from time to time to make sure they're not training too hard or forgetting to take care of themselves. this helps her to remember to take care her own needs as well

when they're older, crona learns how to cast spells and wield magic like the other witches

liz and patty really like to play-fight and chase each other and it makes kid wanna pull his hair out bc they're always knocking things over and breaking shit in his house

marie and azusa go on double dates with stein and spirit, but then they leave early bc both respective couples think the other is insufferably boring and none of them know how to fucking small talk

blackstar and soul have a really affectionate friendship. they hold hands and sit close to each other (and kiss haha jk UNLESS) and love each other so much everybody hates them lol

liz and tsubaki become unlikely friends after blackstar and kid get more serious about their rivalry. liz helps tsubaki to loosen up and be a little more selfish, and tsubaki helps liz feel better about herself

crona does that thing where you sneeze at bright lights

after lord death passes, kid spends more time with spirit (since he's the death scythe obvi) and spirit becomes sort of like a second shitty pathetic dad to kid. he tries to help out in whatever way he can without being overbearing while kid is grieving. he brings him lunch sometimes or tells him stupid jokes

#ask game #this is wisp #soul eater #headcanons #ink-asunder #ask

[daaydreamy]

harry styles masterlist . . . 🎀

here’s my harry styles masterlist where you’ll find all my writings about harry styles!

★︎☆ SERIES

a deep dive | h.s. [discontinued]

- a deep dive into harry and y/n’s sex life.

flora | h.s. [completed]

- a short story about a boy and many, many flowers.

★︎☆ ONESHOTS

the moon

- y/n thinks harry’s so pretty.

from the middle of nowhere to you

- a clueless alien manages to find his way into the city.

thigh highs [smut]

- harry likes wearing thigh highs and it drives y/n crazy.

moving in

- harry and theo move into their first apartment.

pretty baby [smut]

- harry’s just pretty, you know?

coffee shop

- harry meets someone new.

i like it when you’re mean [smut]

- y/n punishes harry, and he enjoys every bit of it.

ice skating

- harry and theo go ice skating, but it goes terribly wrong.

a pleasure for the ears [smut]

- y/n uses youtube often, but not for something you would think she would use it for.

guessing game [smut]

- y/n and harry play a guessing game, but they manage to make it filthy.

busy day [smut]

- y/n likes teasing harry a lot.

show me how [smut]

- zayn teaches an inexperienced harry how to pleasure both him and y/n.

three is more fun than two [smut]

- three is more than two, therefore it’s better (sorry!).

fantasy [smut]

- harry loves y/n’s tits.

i love your boobs [smut]

- harry loves y/n’s boobs.

sweat [smut]

- harry’s a motherfucking rockstar.

spoiled [smut]

- y/n spoils harry way too much, but she doesn’t mind.

use me [smut]

- harry’s body is divine.

good morning [smut]

- harry has a dream, a really good one.

mirror [smut]

- y/n buys something for harry.

reward [smut]

- y/n and harry have a little friend over.

keep me safe in your arms

- y/n takes care of harry while he’s in subspace.

roommates [smut]

- harry and y/n are roommates and harry forgets to lock his door once.

nature

- y/n’s trying to get her mind off of things while walking through a forest and finds a rather strange man.

love is foolish (and so addictive)

- love is complex, yet also simple. love is confusing.

enthralling [smut]

- fucking!

there’s cobwebs where you used to sit

- y/n misses having dinner with harry.

i want you all over me [smut]

- it’s sunday.

my phone’s filled with you [smut]

- y/n records harry.

made with love

- harry’s just a baker at “made with love” and y/n’s late for work when she stumbles into the shop.

you give me fever

- y/n makes harry feel hot all over.

we’ve got a thing goin’ on

- harry and y/n can’t seem to get enough of each other.

the sensual woman

- a day after harry and y/n’s date, she’s back at the bakery.

the forest

- y/n gets lost in the woods.

experiment [smut]

- harry gets curious… and conducts an experiment.

haywire

- a lost robot manages to find its way to y/n’s place.

horror movies

- harry hates horror movies.

misunderstood

- a lost, mistreated robot doesn’t know what to do next after escaping its owner’s grasp, y/n helps out.

strange sounds [smut]

- it’s hard being with a famous rockstar.

“that’s mine!”

- harry likes taking things from y/n’s closet.

trembling still vol. 2 [smut]

- harry and y/n try something new.

★︎☆ BLURBS

boobs

sweet and pretty

for your ears to hear

subspace

dizzying pleasure

pretty little skirt

too pretty

marks

bad attitude

collars

dominance

eyes on the road

lazy morning

truth or dare part ii.

daddy

the perfect mixture of soft and rough

just for a little while

the boy in the bakery

the sinful angel

intriguing

you’re so fun

swallow

missed you

zZz…

wake me up

home

secret

lipstick

happy birthday

burn

sinking slowly

i look nice on you

spa day

there’s a flower in your mind

forgive me, father, for i have sinned

am i wicked?

made into a sinner

sweat

lost

i wanna move with you

clumsy

camboy

call me at midnight

masochist

warmth

show-off

the way the sun shines

stubborn

forgive me

good job!

new

pretty little bunny

sweet as cherry pie

trembling still

lots of lovin’

money, money, money!

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles x reader #harry styles x fem!reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x oc #harry styles x male!oc #sub!harry #subrry #sub!harry x dom!reader #dom!reader #dom!y/n #sub!harry x soft dom!reader #soft dom!reader #soft dom!y/n #harry styles masterlist #daaydreamy’s masterlist

[sisterspooky1013]

Only One Choice, Chapter 7

Read it here on AO3 / Tagging @today-in-fic

Saturday brings an unexpected heat wave, the high temperatures uncharacteristic even for D.C. Dana has grappled all week with how to explain her Saturday evening plans to Ethan. Her instinct is to lie, to tell him she’s getting dinner with Missy or has to go into work for an emergency autopsy. But lying makes it impossible to tell herself that what she’s doing isn’t wrong; if she has nothing to hide, why would she be hiding it? In the end, she goes with vague truth and tells him that she’s meeting up with a colleague to discuss some interesting new research they shared with her. Never mind that said colleague is a very handsome and apparently very single man. Never mind that she feels a rush between her legs whenever she pictures his cocky smile. Meeting with a colleague. Interesting research. Nothing more.

She and Ethan spend the morning lying around in their underwear, too overheated to do anything else. The air conditioning hums and sputters, trying to keep up, but it's no match for the sweltering heat.

“Do we have ice cream?” Ethan asks, splayed out on his back against the hardwood clad in green boxer shorts.

“Nope, I ate it all when I was PMSing last week,” she replies from the couch, arms and legs draped off the sides so that no part of her body is touching any other.

They are quiet for a bit.

“Wanna have sex?” Ethan asks offhandedly, and she feels a flush of dread.

“Too hot,” she replies with an equally offhand tone, glad he can’t see her face.

They are quiet again.

“Are you okay, Dana?” he asks hesitantly, his eyes on the ceiling. She waits a little too long to answer.

“Yeah, why?”

“You just...you don’t seem like yourself. Since we got engaged, I mean. You seem kind of distracted. Distant, maybe?”

She takes a steadying breath. She knows he’s right. If she were honest, she’d tell him that she feels crushing guilt for being so infatuated with another man. That she feels like a horrible girlfriend, fiancée, almost-wife, for continuing to seek out interactions with him, but she can’t bring herself to stop. That she loves Ethan, so much, but can’t deny the pull that Mulder has on her. That she feels like she’s cheating when they have sex, because Mulder invariably takes his place in her mind. But she can’t tell him any of that.

She rolls to her side so she can look at him.

“I’m sorry, Ethan. I guess I’m just feeling overwhelmed lately, with work and the wedding. I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

He rolls his head to the side to meet her eye.

“So you’re not having doubts? About getting married?” The pain and worry in his voice is like a kick in the gut.

“Of course not,” she implores, crawling off the couch and across the floor to where he lays. She gingerly throws a leg over his hip and straddles him, placing her hands on his sweat-damp chest and leaning forward to kiss him on the lips. “I can’t wait to be your wife,” she says with a soft smile, and the twist in her belly alerts her to the fact that this might be a lie.

They make love, there on the living room floor. She keeps her eyes open, not allowing her mind to wander from this moment, this man. Not allowing herself to admit that this is a consolation, an attempt to prove to them both that she is in this, with him, for the long haul. Her orgasm is weak and brief, not the same. Nothing is the same, anymore. Not since Mulder waltzed into the autopsy bay and complicated her life.

————————

The heat has abated only slightly by 5:30 as she’s preparing to leave her apartment and head to Mulder’s. She debates what to wear for an agonizingly long time; the temperature calls for a dress or shorts, but she fears sending the wrong message if it looks like she’s intentionally bearing skin. She finally settles on a black maxi dress, a compromise in coverage and air flow, paired with flip flops. Casual, not trying too hard, but not frumpy either.

As she makes for the door, Ethan stops her with a gentle grasp on her wrist, pulling her to him.

“You look beautiful,” he says with an affectionate gaze, and that guilty feeling in her belly is back. Their impromptu living room floor love-making seems to have assuaged his concerns over her demeanor for the time being, but it only served to deepen her own inner turmoil.

“Thank you,” she replies before kissing him on the cheek and escaping the emotional heat of their apartment for the temperate heat of the DC evening.

2630 Hegal Place is a stately brick building that has been decently maintained. It’s not as nice as her neighborhood in Georgetown, but it’s hardly the slum that Mulder suggested it was. She feels a little sick as she rides the elevator up to the fourth floor, taking in the dark wood trim against the yellowing walls of his hallway. She finds apartment forty-two and pauses outside the door for a long while. She has a feeling that walking through this door is a decision with consequences, one she shouldn’t take lightly. She realizes she’s not wearing her engagement ring; it’s likely sitting on the bathroom counter beside the sink. A simple oversight; she’s not yet used to wearing it. Certainly not a Freudian slip of the mind...she has the sudden overwhelming urge to flee. Perhaps she knows exactly what she’s doing after all. She turns to walk back to the elevator when the door swings open, startling her.

“Scully,” he says with a lopsided smile.

He’s wearing dark wash jeans, his top half bare, a bag of garbage in one hand. Her eyes immediately light on the broad expanse of his chest, smooth and dappled with a light dusting of hair. His abdomen is solid, sleek and defined. A swimmer’s body, she thinks with a sigh.

“I was just taking the trash out, you’re a little early,” he says with a hint of embarrassment, passing her to stuff the bag down the chute at the end of the hall.

“Oh, sorry, am I?” she looks at her watch; it’s 5:55.

“Or maybe I’m just running a little behind,” he replies sheepishly, then lifts his arm and gestures for her to enter the apartment, “please, come in.”

She enters a combination foyer and dining room, the kitchen tucked off to the left and the living room straight ahead. The ambiance matches the hallway, dark wood and yellow walls, the ceilings impressively high. The decor is sparse; nothing on the walls and only small trinkets littering the surfaces, a fish tank burbling near the window. She waits to see where he directs her to go. The dining room table seems like a suitably professional place for two colleagues to review work files. He brushes past her to the living room, the shower-fresh smell of him drifting into her nostrils; Irish Spring and Old Spice.

“You can take a seat,” he says gesturing to the couch, “let me just grab a shirt and the files.” He disappears through a door that must be his bedroom.

She sets her purse on his cluttered desk and sits on one end of the worn leather couch, looking around at his few furnishings. She startles when a black blur springs onto her lap with a high-pitched meow, and Mulder re-enters the room with a bankers box tucked under his arm, his torso now covered by a black T-shirt.

“Jesus, Priscilla, don’t assault the woman,” he says as he sets the box on the coffee table and plucks the cat off her lap. “Sorry about that, she has an affinity for pretty girls,” he continues, then directs his next comment to the cat. “We have that in common, eh, Prissy?”

She feels a flush to her cheeks and he takes the cat with him to the kitchen, returning with two beers in its place.

“I hope your boyfriend doesn’t mind me borrowing you for the evening,” he says as he hands her an open beer.

She looks at him with a mildly shocked expression, his mention of Ethan feeling out of place and somehow obscene. Noticing her discomfort, he changes the subject as he sits on the opposite end of the couch.

“This is all I walked away with, one box of the best, brightest, and weirdest X files I came across during my time. About half are those I investigated myself, the rest were left from the previous agents who started the division,” he slides the box down the coffee table towards her and she plucks the lid off carefully to see dozens of neatly labeled orange folders. She pulls a random one out from the middle and sets her beer on the coffee table, opening the file across her lap.

“So tell me why the X files division was shut down,” she says as she leafs through the pages.

“Well, the official reason is that an investigation into a man with green blood resulted in multiple deaths, which was just the last in a series of...mishaps. But the real reason is that I was too close to the truth.”

She lifts her head from the file to look at him. He has his bare feet propped up on the coffee table, his elbow resting on the arm of the couch. He seems so at ease all the time, so comfortable around her.

“The truth about what?” she asks, working to peel her eyes from his plush lower lip.

He takes a deep breath. “A lot of things, but namely a government conspiracy to conceal the existence of extraterrestrial life, even as they’re conducting experiments and research on said extraterrestrials. Perhaps even working with them.”

It’s that same even, factual delivery. Her mouth blossoms into a slow smile.

“Working with the aliens? To do what, open a KMart on Mars?” she teases, and he returns her smile with one that is so devilish it makes her pelvis twitch.

“Read on, Scully. The more you see, the less crazy it sounds.”

He stands and goes to the stereo, and after a few minutes of fiddling around she hears Radiohead begin to play. “You like Radiohead?” he asks, and she gives a half shrug, half nod. Doesn’t love ‘em, doesn’t hate ‘em.

“So this one appears to be about some kind of tree-dwelling insect?” she asks, reading over details of a dead man sucked dry of all fluids and bound up in a giant cocoon.

Mulder returns to the couch and sits beside her, much closer this time, their thighs nearly touching. The heat of his body on top of the warmth of the air makes new sweat prick at the back of her neck.

“Indeed, prehistoric insects that were released from the inner rings of the tree when they were logged. I nearly got eaten up by them myself,” he remarks, reaching over to turn the pages that lie across her lap. She shivers a little despite the heat.

“And what does that have to do with aliens and government conspiracies?” she asks, keeping her head down, knowing that if she looks up at him he would be close enough to kiss.

“It’s not that straight forward, Scully. There are things, many things, on our planet that are unexplainable, and having control over that which can’t be understood by science and intelligence gives you a certain degree of power. Unfortunately, it’s a power that’s most often used for evil instead of good.”

She does turn to him then, getting an up-close look at the greenish, almost-hazel of his irises, the pronounced bridge of his nose.

“There’s nothing that’s unexplainable on this planet, Mulder. Just because we can’t explain it now doesn’t mean we never will. Consider how much science has progressed in the last fifty years alone. Who knows what we deem unexplainable now that will be perfectly understood in another fifty?”

He tilts his head closer to her and her heart speeds up, her lips parting unconsciously. His smirk is devastatingly sexy, and she suddenly doesn’t trust herself.

“May I use your bathroom?” she asks abruptly, looking away.

“Of course, it’s through the bedroom,” he says, hitching his thumb to the door behind and to their left.

She carefully makes her way into his bedroom, which contains a queen size mattress on a mahogany frame, a dresser, and not much else. He’s a man of simple means, it would seem. The bathroom is clean and devoid of skid marks and stray pubic hairs; the seat is even down. When she returns, he’s placed several of the files in a neat stack on the coffee table.

“These are the ones I’d recommend you read. At least they may be the ones you find most compelling,” he says as she returns to her seat, inching just a bit further away from him than she’d been before.

She takes the first from the stack and opens it. “So how’d you get into all this, Mulder? Have you always been into aliens, or did you see E.T. too many times when it came out?”

He doesn’t answer and she looks at him. He’s considering her, pondering. Deciding whether to tell her something.

Continue Reading here

#the x files #txf #dana scully #fox mulder #gillovny #msr #sculder #x files #xf fanfic #alternate universe

[razzle-zazzle]

Five times others noticed something off about Cole + one time it was explained

3083 Words; Coleverlord

Something was wrong with her son.

Lilly couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment she realized it, but something had changed since that disaster of a boating trip. Cole had been more quiet, lately, had been listless and almost eerily pensive at times.

Lilly didn’t like it. It was unnerving.

They never should have gone. It was supposed to be a fun outing for the three of them, a four-hour tour off the west coast alongside some other passengers.

It ended up being a ten-day stay on an uncharted island. It ended up being Lilly in charge of a group of people not quite accustomed to wilderness survival as they waited for rescue to stumble upon them. It ended up being exhausting, and draining, and the exact opposite of a fun outing.

And then they’d finally been found, and finally arrived home—

And now something was wrong with Cole.

It wasn’t what one would expect in this situation, either. Cole wasn’t sick, wasn’t running a fever, nor was he injured—no, it was none of that.

But there had been a drastic change in his behavior, and Lilly didn’t like it. It felt like there was something in her home, something that never should have been let in but had come in anyway, and that something was pitter-patting down the halls with steps eerily similar to her son but just so slightly off.

“Mama?”

Lilly jumped at her son's voice, caught off guard. She was in the kitchen getting herself water and trying to sort through this awful feeling she had. Her seven year old son was standing in the doorway, hand gripping the frame.

Despite the moonlight streaming in through the window onto his face—or maybe because of it—he didn’t seem quite real. Something about the way Cole was holding himself was just… off.

“Yeah?” Lilly shifted uncomfortably under her son’s stare. Something was definitely wrong with this child. Just him standing there in the doorway had the hairs on the back of her neck standing up.

Cole took a step forward. “Had a bad dream.” He murmured.

Lilly set her water on the counter and crossed the kitchen, wrapping her arms around her son despite her instincts telling her to be wary. “Oh, baby, it’s okay,” she lifted him up, bracing him against her hip to hold him more easily. “Do you wanna tell me about it?”

Cole buried his face in Lilly’s shoulder. “Don’t remember.” He mumbled.

Lilly hated that her first instinct here was to set Cole back down again. Hated that, for all that her son was right here and seeking comfort, part of her was convinced it wasn’t him.

Cole was still clinging to her, though, so she returned to the counter to finish her water, holding him close the entire time.

She’d have to tell Wu about all of this, about this unsettled feeling she had, but—

That could wait until the morning.

+=+=+=+=+

Cole had a really weird presence.

Jay didn’t really mind that Cole could sometimes be a little… off. Cole was Cole. Besides, Zane was also weird, but he was no less their brother; the same applied to Cole.

But for how sweet Cole could be, there was still something… unsettling about him. Something that had Jay’s arms erupt into goosebumps whenever Cole was around. And that was after several months of knowing the guy—when they’d first met, Jay couldn’t even look at Cole without his stomach tying up in knots.

It probably wasn’t really anything to worry about, but Jay couldn’t help but wonder why Cole had such disconcerting vibes. And it wasn’t the same as Zane’s uncanniness, because at least when Zane acted uncanny it didn’t put Jay on edge the way Cole sometimes did.

Jay knew Cole… or maybe he only thought he knew Cole. He was probably just being paranoid, but he couldn’t help but wonder sometimes.

He really hoped he was just being paranoid.

+=+=+=+=+

Cole was certainly… odd.

But that was fine. Zane was odd, too. They were both a little odd, but their family still loved them for it.

Sure, Cole’s tendency to occasionally stare westward was unusual, but Cole was Cole. It was when Zane started keeping track of it that things got… interesting.

As they traveled around searching for the Fang Blades, Zane noticed that Cole didn’t stare exactly westward. Rather, it seemed that the angle changed depending on the latitude, as though Cole was looking towards a certain location in particular rather than just out west in general.

So Zane conducted an experiment. Whenever he noticed Cole zoning out to stare west, he tracked the location and angle as best as he could.

Zane collected this data over the course of several days. When he was finally satisfied and had the free time to do so, he found himself a map, a ruler, a marker, and a compass.

It was time to record the data.

“Hey, Zane,” Jay greeted as he came into the room, “Watcha doing?”

“Recording data.” Zane responded, another crisp line appearing under his steady hand.

Jay came over to look at the map over Zane’s shoulder. “Kinda looks like you’re just drawing lines on a map, buddy.”

“That is what I am doing, yes.” Zane drew another line, extending it out until it intersected with the first. Since Jay was still watching, Zane elaborated, “I am marking down the directions of Cole’s… ‘trances’, as it were.”

Jay hummed consideringly. “Looks like they all converge at a certain point.”

Zane nodded. “Yes, it seems they do.” He added the final line, then capped the marker and set it and the ruler aside to survey his work.

Ten lines, crisp and neat, from ten different starting positions. Ten lines that all converged on the same point off the west coast.

There was nothing at those coordinates other than ocean, at least, there was nothing on the map. It was very puzzling.

“Wait.” Jay pointed at a small island just a few degrees north of the intersection. “What’s that?”

It was the only charted island for miles. Small, nondescript, and uninhabited. But it was also the closest thing to the intersection, and probably their best bet for answers outside of directly asking Cole.

“I’ll have to look into it.” Zane made a mental note to do just that as he stood up and began to fold the map.

Jay grabbed everything else. “Here, I’ll help.”

Zane nodded. “Thank you.”

+=+=+=+=+

Nya liked to think she was good at noticing the little details.

And she was! Whether it be the small details of her mech’s innards or the little things her brother did when he was stressed, Nya was really good at noticing small details.

Which was probably why she had noticed so many odd things about Cole. To be fair, a lot of things Cole did or said were just plain odd—and there was nothing wrong with that—but there were some things he did that just… felt off, sometimes.

So yeah. Nya noticed the small things, paid close attention to the boys and their habits and their moods. Paid attention to the small details of their faces, like the way Jay’d stick out his tongue when he was concentrating, or how Zane’s brow would furrow when he was deep in thought; how Kai’s eyes crinkled when he smiled—

And how Cole’s eyes seemingly changed color every so often, for seemingly no reason. How that dusty, tawny brown that looked so much like the sunbaked earth around the shop could suddenly shift into a deep violet. How sometimes it almost looked like his eyes were glowing in certain lighting. How it definitely wasn’t a trick of the light, no, his eyes definitely changed color.

Which was probably not normal.

Then again, their sensei was technically part dragon and had slitted pupils, so maybe Cole’s magical color-changing eyes weren’t that out there.

It was just a little unnerving, to look at Cole expecting those gentle eyes and see foreboding violet. Almost like there was something else there, something lurking behind those eyes. Something that shouldn’t be trusted.

But Nya didn’t like to think that way about Cole, so she just noted that his eyes changed color sometimes and moved on with her day.

She had more important things to stress about.

+=+=+=+=+

Kai didn’t like this.

There were a lot of things about this island that Kai didn’t like, but the way Cole had been acting since it rose was most definitely on the top of the list.

Cole was always pretty weird. And that was fine! What was unsettling was that he was acting differently from how he usually did.

First, they sail out to this random little island in the middle of the ocean because Garmadon somehow managed to get himself marooned out here, and was demanding they come and pick him up. Then, Cole disappears into the jungle with Jay and they trigger something that makes the island rise, revealing it to be some big evil mega island from Misako’s old texts. It didn’t help that Cole didn’t seem at all bothered by this.

Ever since then, Misako and Wu and Garmadon had been furiously discussing whether to stay and explore or leave immediately, and Kai was pretty sure Misako still had her weird grudge against Cole because he’d overheard her calling him a “problem” again, so Kai was staying away from that argument.

And so the ninja were cautiously poking around the edges of the jungle after having moved the Bounty back out to the new coast, and Cole—

He wasn’t acting like Cole.

He’d been muttering, too quiet to make out any of the words, and he’d go silent if you came closer. He stared into the jungle a lot, sometimes zoning out so bad that not even Jay’s bad jokes could snap him out of it.

All in all, Kai was very unnerved. And an unnerved Kai was an angry one, snapping at anyone who came near.

His stress levels weren’t helped by the fact that last he’d seen Cole, he and Lloyd had been wandering into the jungle. Kai had followed, but he’d lost track of them what seemed like hours ago.

So now the whole group was on an island Misako didn’t want to be anywhere near, Cole was acting like he was possessed and had disappeared with Lloyd for unknown reasons, and Kai was lost in the jungle.

“Amazing! Incredible!” Kai kicked at the dirt at his feet, “Oh, this is just perfect!” He had no idea how to get back. Great. Fucking wonderful.

The jungle had no response for his tantrum, just a few faint bird calls and wind rustling the leaves.

Kai huffed. He wasn’t going to be finding Cole and Lloyd anytime soon, so he should probably try to get back to the beach and tell everyone else what he knew. Of course, being lost would put a damper on it, but Kai was reasonably sure he could figure out where he was.

He looked at the trees surrounding him.

He just needed a little more height.

+=+=+=+=+

Lloyd was pretty sure they were lost.

When he voiced this concern, however, Cole just replied with a chipper “oh no, we’re definitely getting closer!” that wasn’t reassuring in the least. So Lloyd continued to trudge through the jungle after Cole, hoping he’d at least get an explanation for why Cole felt the need to drag him along to… wherever they were heading.

Another leaf smacked Lloyd in the face. “Are you certain we’re not lost?” He asked once more. “Because I’m pretty sure I’ve seen the same tree more than four times already.”

Cole didn’t say anything, just took Lloyd’s hand to help him up a small ledge. They continued their little trek, the jungle slowly thinning out and becoming a mountain.

“It’s just up here.” Cole said. He’d been unusually quiet up until this point.

Lloyd looked up at the rock face that Cole was suggesting he climb and groaned. But Cole was already ascending, so Lloyd swallowed his complaints and got to climbing. It was strenuous and sweaty and exhausting and if Cole was only dragging him up here to show him a killer view or some shit then Lloyd was going to scream, but he’d let himself be led out this far so he was going to climb all the way to the top, dammit.

Gasping and aching in ways that shouldn’t be possible, Lloyd hauled himself up onto the top, flopping over onto his back to catch his breath. Why did killer views have to be so hard to get to?

Cole was already moving, striding towards whatever he’d wanted to show Lloyd. Lloyd blearily turned his head towards Cole, not prepared to see anything in particular—

Oh.

That was definitely… something.

A big metal… thing sat proudly atop the stone, with a whole bunch of gears and rings and big metal balls on the end of rods like some mad scientist’s evil machine or something.

Lloyd pushed himself up into a sitting position while Cole approached the metal abomination. “Am I gonna get an explanation, or… ?”

Cole stopped, still facing towards the Big Metal Thing. “It’s the Celestial Clock.” He said quietly. “It’s supposed to count down to the final battle.” Now that he said it, Lloyd could see something that looked vaguely clock-like near the center of the rings.

Lloyd frowned. “It doesn’t seem to be doing a whole lot of counting down.” Which was a relief. Lloyd would like the final battle to maybe just not happen, please and thanks.

“Yeah.” Cole stepped forwards, tracing his hand gently along one of the rings as he moved towards the center of it. “Because it hasn’t been activated yet.” He stopped at the center and put his hands on a helmet Lloyd hadn’t noticed before. “But if you remove the Helmet of Shadows…”

Lloyd stood up very fast. “Uh, Cole, what—”

“Do you trust me?” Cole’s voice cut through the air like a knife. Lloyd stopped where he stood.

“Lloyd.” Cole still didn’t turn around, “Do you trust me?”

“I—” What was the right answer here? What was Lloyd supposed to do?

“Yeah, I—I trust you.”

Cole picked up the helmet and stepped back, his back still to Lloyd. With a grind and a groan, the clock started moving. “Then you won’t worry about this.”

“But the final battle—”

“Isn’t happening.” Cole snarled. “The clock is going to run down and nothing will happen because there isn’t going to be a final battle. We are not fighting.”

Lloyd took a step back. Okay, this was definitely starting to cross the line into Not Okay. “Cole?”

All the tenseness in Cole’s shoulders dissolved. “I’m sorry.” He murmured. “You’re not talking to Cole right now.”

At that, Cole—or rather, Not-Cole?—turned around, helmet still cradled in his hands. His eyes were a brilliant, glowing violet—no iris, no pupil, just pure, deep violet that had Lloyd’s instincts screaming at him to flee from.

Immediately, Lloyd assumed a defensive stance. “What are you? What did you do to Cole?” He demanded, green lighting in his hands.

Not-Cole laughed, an eerie, broken sound. “Relax, Lloyd, I don’t intend to hurt you.” It took a step forward, but stopped when Lloyd stepped back. “Or did you not hear me when I declared that there would be no final battle?”

“You better start explaining,” Lloyd snarled, “Right now.”

Not-Cole nodded. “That is why I brought you up here, yes.” He sat down, helmet still in his lap, and gestured for Lloyd to do the same.

Lloyd dropped the stance, but stayed standing.

Not-Cole sighed. “Alright, let’s start with an introduction. I am the being known as the Overlord. I came about not long after the First Master created Ninjago, as a counterbalance to his light and order.”

Lloyd processed this, turning it over in his head. “Okay.”

The Overlord nodded, then continued. “The First Master and I engaged in a battle for control of Ninjago. What was going to be a stalemate turned in my favor when I created the Stone Army, so the First Master split Ninjago in half and sunk my half, leaving me bound to it.” It traced Cole’s hands along the edges of the helmet, gaze fixed on Lloyd.

Lloyd frowned. “So, what, you possessed Cole when we got here? Is that it?”

It chuckled. “You’re correct, but your timing is off. My vessel first arrived on this island years and years ago, when a freak stroke of luck resulted in a ship washing up here.” Cole—no, the Overlord—sighed wistfully. “I wanted off this island. My vessel was sympathetic enough to let me in.”

Lloyd tensed. “So you’ve been controlling Cole for years, then.”

“No.” Cole said, eyes suddenly back to their normal brown. “We share this body.”

“Cole.” Lloyd put his hands on Cole’s shoulders. “Are you really, truly okay with this?”

Cole nodded, sincerity in his eyes. “Made It promise not to fight you.” He muttered.

And then his eyes were violet, though not the fully obvious, solid violet of moments before. Just the irises.

“There won’t be a final battle.” It said, “That clock will count down to nothing.” It stood up, still holding the helmet. “And nothing will happen.”

Lloyd walked over, standing beside It. “How can you be so sure?”

“My vessel was never supposed to end up on this island. I was never supposed to leave it. And look at us now, sharing a single body.” It strode forwards, Cole’s arms spreading out to the sides in an sweeping gesture as It stared out into the landscape below them. “Destiny has been defied once.” It turned towards Lloyd, extending a hand. “So why bow to such a shitty destiny if you don’t have to? Why submit yourself to a fight none of us want when it’s not even necessary?”

It gestured towards the clock, which was still ticking down. “Just wait. Nothing will happen when the clock hits zero, because there won’t be a final battle. Destiny has no power over us.”

Lloyd watched the clock tick down for a moment, processing what the Overlord was telling him. Could he really trust it?

But then he remembered his father telling him that he was proud of Lloyd, as well as all the things his dad tried in order to stop the prophecy from coming true.

“Alright.” Lloyd made his decision.

“Let’s defy destiny.”

#ninjago #lego ninjago #coleverlord #zaz writes #lilly ninjago #cole ninjago #jay walker #zane julien #nya ninjago #kai ninjago #lloyd garmadon #and then #sensei wu #lord garmadon #and #misako #are all mentioned #the overlord #also the reason cole's eyes were a solid purble when the overlord revealed itself to lloyd is bc the overlord didn't wanna be too subtle #the irises changing color when It's at the forefront is inevitable tho #also no i did not forget about the helmet of shadows #cole/the overlord just did a lil sleight of hand with it when lloyd wasn't looking #it's now the bracelets of shadows #also no lilly does not get to talk to wu about her concerns regarding cole #things keep coming up until she just. forgets to #also take the overlord's words w/ a grain of salt #this is so much longer than i expected #also zane's part is 420 words exactly and i think that's really neat #jay's bit is kinda weak but i didn't have anything better soooooo #aight i'm gonna go shower and eat now thank

[lyrical-cynical]

so the person who posted this blocked me, then proceeded to make sure none of my stuff I added would show up on their post, along with silencing others who spoke up or out against this mentality. So I’m just gonna do a real quick reverse uno and make my own post. I blocked out their name because the point of this is not to witch hunt this person, but to make a point about this mentality. Here’s what I reblogged with: 

It’s not about them being demons, It’s not about the fact that these characters are “morally grey,” it’s about the trivialization of a very scary, and real situation that has happened to countless people and treating it like a simple plot point.

So I put this on a reply to another post, but I’ll also put it here. In one study conducted by alcohol.org found that out of 900 people surveyed (both men and women) 44% of men and 56% of women have consumed something that had been spiked without them knowing. of those two groups, 37% have experienced it multiple times. Men are more likely to be spiked by someone they consider a friend, while women are more likely to be spiked by a stranger, with house parties accounting for a majority of the locations. What’s more, 58% of men and 65% of women don’t believe they can confidently convict the person who spiked them, with 52% of men and 62% of women NOT REPORTING THE PERSON WHO SPIKED THEM, with only 15% of them having a friend who intervened and got them to safety. Most often, drugged products are used to facilitate drug-assisted s*xual assault, and most of these crimes also go unreported. (My source here)

So some simple math there, of a survey group, approximately 44%-56% of people were drugged without their knowledge, and only 15% of those drugs were able to get to safety because of friends. so that means that 85% of people who were drugged in this study had NO ONE to help them. NO ONE.

this isn’t about hating on the characters, it’s about criticizing the choices of the company that went through ideation, story boarding, programing, editing, beta testing, and planning and still didn’t think twice about the potential backlash this has against their audience. This is about people who have PTSD, people who still have to hang around certain people who did horrible things to them because no one would believe them. This is about turning real tangible struggles into entertainment, but it’s okay because MmMmM He’S hOt ThO aNd He’S a DeMoN. IRL hot people use drugs to assault too. People who you thought were your friends use drugs to assault too.

This doesn’t just happen in a game about demons either, and it’s actually one of the reason some of my friends have dropped off from the Otome genre altogether. It’s rather common and unfortunate that a lot of Japanese based games have at minimum a couple incidents of non-con per route as a way of making “sexy times.” This is an entire cultural plague that I can get into on another post, but it’s causing a lot of us who do really love otomes feel alienated from the community. By defending it, you’re basically saying that this cultural norm is okay so long as the character is hot. By being that “innocent person” who needs a “Strong aggressive push” from a “morally grey” man, you’re basically going back to the 1960′s with women being subservient to their assaulter because you showed them a little ankle, so you tempted them.

It’s dangerous, it’s wrong, and it’s not healthy for any relationship, and can have catastrophic backlash. Some people may think this is what a healthy relationship looks like, and bases their ideas of romance off it. Some may not be even able to read it because it reminds them too much of their own personal experiences. It’s not just fiction. It’s basically being said that this kind of behavior is “Expected” and “normal.”

We shouldn’t be okay with this being “normal” and we should hold companies like this to a higher standard. They aren’t just a company that is constrained to Japan, because they made the decision to have their game translated, and distributed to english markets. This was a CHOICE, and has nothing to do with “morally grey” characters. This is a game directed at the general masses for entertainment, not Catcher and the Rye.

End Post. In addition to this, I’d like to make sure that the community understands that those who have been harmed by assault via spiking are valid in their worries, valid in their fears, and valid in their anger against this “Design choice” the company has made. I know that those who suffer with PTSD can have insomnia, waking nightmares, irritability, depression, anxiety, and more with each episode. I know that not everyone has gotten help for what they’ve gone through, and maybe use fantasy as an escapism tool, and having something like this trespass into that safe space is demoralizing and tragic. I know that some of y’all have even turned to things that may not be healthy or legal, and that you have your up and down battles with everything. I know that this isn’t just about sensitivity, it’s a life changing event that you wish you could scrub from your history. 

Know that there are resources out there for you, and that as a community, we can be there for your too. 

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

https://www.psychguides.com/guides/ptsd-hotline/

If you need more help, even if it’s you just wanna air your grievances, please do reach out, 

#obey me #obey me: shall we date #obey me: one master to rule them all #obey me:swd #OM #om:swd #OM: OMTRTA #Shall we date #tw drugs #tw spiked #tw sex assault

[lemonmeringueprincess]

The Mind of  a Broken Soldier (Leave Me Be, Chapter 2 )

Hello People of Tumblr ! It’s ya girl Hazel ! I am back again with another chapter which i am 100% sure NOBODY request it because nobody requested this story in the first place but i’m still continuing it because i feel like it. I was planning on continuing this story and give sly nods to WandaVision and The Falcon and The Winter Soldier here and there along the way. Not in this chapter but... maybe on future chapters. But I’ll see how this one goes and where my idea leads me to.

So you need to read Chapter 1 to be able to understand this chapter properly because this chapter is solely Bucky’s point of view of the reader and some random thoughts. I love reading novels and love their style of writing hence i aspire to write a decent and proper story fanfiction. I mean when you read some books, there will be several chapters viewed from that other characters’ perspective so i decided to implement that style to my story. 

So once again, thank you so much if you decided to pop by, read it and love it. Don’t be shy to pop by my message box to share some ideas you have or maybe you just wanna vibe together, I’d love to do that with you guys too. But please please please don’t be mean if you don’t like it. FYI, this chapter is slightly shorter than the first chapter. Love, Hazel .

Disclaimer: No disclaimer or any warnings. But definitely do me and yourself a favour and check out Chapter 1 so you can properly comprehend this chapter with ease :) 

Characters : Bucky x Reader; teeny weeny mention of Sam :)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Look man, I know we don’t really see eye to eye but I call to check on her…How’s she doin’?” Sam heaved a sigh of empathy from across the line.

I tightened my grip upon the thin, slick and smooth communication tool which now known as smartphone that I hadn’t had the chance to acquaint with. I let out a sigh of desperation, desperate of ways to haul her from the rabbit hole she’s now falling into. My fingers combing through my unruly long hair that’s bundled up in a disheveled bun. A bad habit of mine when I’m in desperation and anxiety.

“It’s been a week since Steve walked out from her life and if I’m being honest, Sam, she’s not doing very well. She’s…she’s been nestled up in her room since then.” I heaved another sigh of despair, my right human arm gripping the kitchen counter tightly in effort to prop myself while the other man-made hand still latched onto the phone.

“I even had to force feed her just to keep her alive for god sake.” I asserted whilst rubbing my right eye with the heel of my right human hand and quietly strutting towards her door. Leaning my side against the stark beige wooden door, plopping my ear against it to silently eavesdrop, just like how I had done countless times to check on her well-being without having to barge into the door. Soft whimper gradually shifted into muffled sobs. I closed my eyes, let my head hung low as if my neck was already tired enough to brace the weight of obstacles and desperation that merge into one and let out a long exhale.

“Gotta go, Sam… I’ll call you back.” I lowered my voice into mutter and hung up.

Even though I had known Steve for so many years, sometimes I still couldn’t decipher what’s in head. Recalling back to the 40s, way before he and I even considered enlisted into the army, women would always prefer me over Steve to take me out as their dancing partner when we’re at the bar. I felt bad for him and he’d sometimes complained that if only there’s the one out there who would see him through his frail and tiny stature. Seventy three years later, he abandoned the woman who’s been through with him through thick and thin, put up with his stupid decisions and god knows what more for eight years, for Peggy.

The woman whom he knew for only two years and only dated briefly.

The woman whom he’d share his infatuation and obsession with.

The woman he met at the army who didn’t even spare him a glance…not until after he’s gone through physical changes then eventually decided to give him a chance.

I wouldn’t even consider that as official if they only exchange flirting and longing glances at the office…

bar… 

and even Howard Stark’s Lab.

Clasping my hand upon the door handle, I levered it down and pushed open the door generating soft creaking from the hinge. I tiptoed my way in and left the door ajar. There she was… dressed down in only white camisole and panties while curled up in a fetal position upon the bed which was a bit too spacious now for a single person. Her back facing towards me, shoulders quivering from muffling her own sobs into whimper. 

Oh Steve… what have you done…

I slowly crept my way towards her and slowly sank myself on the bed. I was hesitant to lay next to her but I tried to push that thought away considering her mental health was already at stake. If I left her untended, she might eventually spiraled into deep depression and she’s already halfway there. So I laid next to her, draped my arm over her frail, delicate and small body to hold her close as if sheltering her from her own whirlpool of emotions . While offering her the comfort of silence, my mind wander off to how on earth Wanda dealt with her own grief… poor kid not only lost her significant other but also her twin brother and parents as I was informed by Sam. My train of thought was halted when I heard her croaked a rhetorical question, 

“H-h-he’s not coming back, is he? Did that prick even try second guessing his decisions?”

I wish I could do more than being her shoulder to cry on and dragging Steve back by the ear. That punk really took all the stupid with him. I contemplated whether I should say something decent to comfort and lift her spirit but I retracted. “I’m sorry, Doll… “ Were the only words I could muster from my still-healing disrupted mind. After Hydra’s infamous torturous events and being sent away to Wakanda to get my mind fixed. I found that I had difficulties of expressing my thought and feelings emotionally from the years of being over-electrocuted and memory-wiped conducted by Hydra, more strenuous than my old self. Not that I couldn’t do it but I realized it took more time to do so.

But even so I still try to rack my brain, dig deeper to find something nice to say; to make myself feel a tad better for at least doing something good in my life for once after the horrendous past, to at least counteract all those gruesome dirty work I unconsciously did to the others.

“I tried talking some sense into him, but he was very adamant of his decision. That punk…I’m really sorry…” i tried to string those words together carefully, worried that one step further or slight wrong move might set the fire ablaze even more. At this point, I was scared considering I had never connected to women emotionally. Sure I’d dated many women back in the 40s, but never considered them seriously… Now I know how it felt to wear their shoes, to know how it felt to be ditched and forgotten, even though I didn’t experience it firsthand.

Running out of options and words to say, I scooted closer whilst tightened my embrace and inhaling her scent, a hint of fresh bed linen and lavender; Steve hates it when women used too much perfume to the point it’s suffocating. I remember he’d always complained about the atrocious penetrating smell of perfume whenever we walked past the women at the bar.

“Doll… tell me what to do… I can’t bear seeing you breaking apart like this and I am running out of ways to numb your pain…” I consoled.

I used to be a good pep talker, a great one even; constantly spewing encouragement and lending a piece of advice or two to Steve. But I guess I had to shift my roles and be the good listener instead.

I did not expect her to open her heart and confide everything, as if she was confessing everything to me. I could only fervently listen to her anguish secrets that had been tormenting and keeping her awake. I felt really bad for the insecurity and self- doubt she had to endure these past years. Constant comparison with Peggy and doubting herself; nevertheless, she still fought her way to prove her worth… such strenuous and tenacious effort just to keep Steve’s attention to her…

Oh Steve… if only you’re in my position now, you’d know how much effort it took for her to keep up with your fantasy. They said love is full of sacrifices but not as much sacrifice from one side, both sides needed to make equal sacrifices to make things work, if one sacrifices too much, they’d weaken because they’re giving out too much and eventually died, just like her.

I knew Steve was always oblivious with things, but never as horrid as this. My heart sympathized and mourned for her. Eight years of relationship that she fought so hard to keep slipped out of her hands just like that.

“I-i-i-it h-h-h-urts, Buck… it hurts…He’s my first love, first kiss and…”

I felt her body shook under my embrace. No longer able to withstand her emotional suffer, I tried to soothe and lull her to sleep.

“I know, Doll. But I promise you’ll get through it, I promise to be with you every step of the way. We will get through it. I am not going anywhere. I am not going to walk out this door, not until you kick me out because you’re so sick of looking at my face. You have my word, Doll. I am staying.” I promised.

I promised myself I’d be there to pick up the pieces regardless of any circumstances, because it’s the right thing to do. I’d be there to hoist her up when no one else could. i’m doing what a good friend would do... It’s the right thing to do … Right? 

#bucky x reader #bucky imagine #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x female reader #bucky x original female character #bucky x oc #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x you #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan x ofc #sebastian stan x #bucky x #the avengers #the winter solider imagine #the winter soldier x reader #the winter solider x reader #the winter soldier fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #chris evans x y/n #andy barber x reader

[13atoms]

Going Soft (Dhawan!Master x Reader)

Fluff / hurt / comfort, slight mention of violence. [1.3k]

Happy birthday @imthedoctorlove !! This isn’t quite as fluffy as I meant it to be, but hope you like it!! 

“You will all feel my wrath for this!”

“Master…”

“EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!”

“Master…” you whined again, the live cameras in front of him flashing off as he sighed, ran his shaking hands through his scruffy hair and shot you the last of his intense death glare.

It was cruel enough to make you shrink back from your position off-camera. Outside, you could hear screams of panic and confusion, stampedes and stockpiling and shouting as The Master’s message was relayed over and over again beneath crimson skies, the blood of politicians staining the steps outside as the people protested.

“Not my fault,” The Master had rationalised as the people took knives to their own leaders’ chests, “awfully corrupt, this lot.”

You had held your tongue, horrified by the brutality of this species as soon as his day of reigning terror had begun.

Granted, The Master was pretty brutal too. But he hadn’t directly killed anyone. It was a new compromise the pair of you were working on.

“What is it?” he snapped as you distracted him from his self-appointed-ruler speech.

You hadn’t undermined him, the cameras were paused, but you knew you’d cut off his steadily building rant.

“I wanna leave,” you admitted.

The climate here was too hot. The palace was ugly with antiquated technology. The locals were rude. There was no food you would risk consuming. You hated seeing him like this, out of control and sweating from the adrenaline rush of subjugating an already-troubled people.

It was mainly the last reason.

“You can,” he brushed you off, still too hyped up on his own power, turning back to the broadcasting system over which he would senselessly reel off demands just for the hell of it.

“Are you telling me to just walk back to the TARDIS?”

It was on the other side of the city, disguised as a side door on a very ordinary house, a thirty-minute walk at best. Outside you heard a scream, then the distinctive crunch of bones under a vehicle.

For a moment you caught how his face fell in that way it did when he realised he’d gone too far, and you hoped he’d call the whole thing off, summon his ship and let you leave for somewhere happier.

These people could calm down and go back to their lives, the mysterious alien agent of chaos vanishing and leaving them with a little shared trauma and the chance for a new, better leadership. That way you could pretend you had helped. The guilty blood spilt would be justifiable, and you could manage to sleep at night. At least, that was what you hoped, as you laid in The Master’s bed and heard him muttering about his next plans.

He’d become obsessive lately. You didn’t know how to bring him back. His eyes were bloodshot and his hands would shake more and more each day until you feared it was a permanent nervy tremor.

“I’m not telling you to do anything, doll.”

You exhaled your anger, bit down your fear, and strode out the front door. Then, time seemed to slow, your senses fighting to keep up as the locked door you had hidden behind no longer protected you.

It was like you couldn’t process fast enough.

You saw a flash of that sticky crimson on concrete you had been avoiding.

Heard the shouts of crowds as they recognised you for your role in this.

The glint of a long knife, immediately drawn and swung towards you in preparation to take revenge.

A feeling of regret in your stomach.

Then, the firm hand on your waist, the breathless feeling of a short-range teleport, a furious exhale into your ear and a familiar stubble against your cheek.

The Master kept you pulled to his body as you materialised in his TARDIS, both of you panting and blinking against the soft yellow light of his ship.

“I didn’t think you’d do it,” he muttered angrily.

You knew his rage wasn’t directed at you.

His hand on your waist softened but he didn’t let you go. You exhaled, afraid to move too much, the image of that blade still behind your eyelids as you blinked. The longer you stayed motionless, the more he seemed to soften, until he was cupping your face.

“I’m sorry, love. Did I go too far?”

You nodded, though he already had the answer for himself. He shucked off his jacket, and you wondered how he hadn’t been too hot on that sweltering planet. Time Lord stuff, you reminded yourself.

“Old habits,” he muttered by way of explanation, looking away as he threw the garment onto a nearby armchair. He didn’t need to see the disappointment on your face.

“I got overexcited,” he sighed, and you felt a pang of regret for a moment at ruining his plans.

Then, the image of those blood-soaked stairs returned.

“I thought we were past that,” you whispered, your quietness seeming to make him stand at attention as concern fluttered over his face.

“Wasn’t it fun, though? The power? The fear?”

“I don’t want that. And I don’t… I know you’re powerful. I don’t need to see it.”

He got like that sometimes, showing off with time travels or expensive gifts or conducting the downfall of an ancient political dynasty, just to remind you who he was. But you loved the man he was, not the power he wielded.

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you,” you sighed dismissively.

“That was the last one, I swear it.”

He stepped back into your personal space, hands on your hips and breath on your face as he tilted his head to find your jawline, kissing softly in what you knew was an apology. You let the tension leave your body, knowing that argument was over, that it was already being glossed over with the gentleness of his lips and the soft massage of his hands on your flesh.

When he tried to kiss your lips, you pulled back.

“You promise?”

“I promise, my love.”

The word love had barely left his mouth before his lips were on yours, a deep searing kiss which was so distinctively his you could recognise it blind and deaf. He kissed with experience and passion and touch-starvedness and desperation, and it broke and swelled your heart each time you felt it.

His mouth left yours and began to follow his deft fingers on a journey down your body, finding your collarbone as he started to fumble with your clothing. It took a breathy sigh of ‘Koschei’ for him to gasp and stand up straight, staring into your eyes with a rigid posture which betrayed his tension.

“Can I tell you a secret?” he whispered, with mellowness rather than conspiracy edging his words. The Master’s deep brown eyes fluttering between eye contact and distraction over and over again.

“Anything,” you muttered, half distracted by the fingers toying with the hem of your shirt.

“I didn’t enjoy it. I wanted to prove to myself I could do it, but I… it didn’t do anything for me. Didn’t give me the rush it used to. I heard those screams and I felt… nothing.”

You raised an eyebrow, not sure whether to be pleased or alarmed by his confession.

“I just… wanted to prove to myself I wasn’t going soft. Wasn’t losing my touch.”

“You haven’t,” you soothed, but he just chuckled and shook his head.

“You know, I rather think I have. And, it’s strange to say, I don’t really mind.”

“Yeah?”

It was a tease, a challenge to say what he meant candidly although you knew he wouldn’t. You were the variable in his life which had changed, and both of you knew it.

With a soft stroke of your hand, he pulled you to your bedroom to show you instead.

#thank you wonders for editing!! you're a babe #dhawan!master x reader #13atoms #fic #dhawan!master #short

[dearest-bucky]

Burning heart (One Shot)

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky Barnes seems to hate Y/n with a burning passion. Is everything as it seems though?

Words: 3.8K

Warnings: angstyyyyy but with a happy ending, Bucky is mean and I wanna punch him even though I love him (thank God for having everything saved in my laptop xp)

Originally posted: February 24, 2020

The compound is almost empty today, much to anyone’s surprise. With most of the team out on a long mission, the only people left to wander the living areas are Bucky and y/n. The only two people from the team who don’t get along. At all.

She knew that Bucky was somewhere training or simply sulking around the place, so she was trying to be extra careful with her moving, reducing the times she went to the kitchen to get food, going as far as isolating herself in her room for hours.

It wasn’t her fault that Bucky didn’t like her and they didn’t get along. She liked the ex-Winter Soldier, maybe a little too much, more than she should, considering how he treats her and such. But she can’t help feeling the way she does.

From the safety of her room she asked in a timid voice, “Friday, where is Sergeant Barnes?”

“He’s currently in the gym miss.” Came the immediate response.

Y/n sighed in relief and after offering a hushed thanks to the A.I she hurried to make her way to the kitchen. She was craving some chocolate chip cookies and she wanted to make her mother’s recipe for it, besides it would be a welcome home present for the other team members, they were supposed to come back from their mission in the afternoon.

Not wasting any time, she quickly got to work as soon as she set foot in the kitchen, trying her best to be as quiet as possible. It was ridiculous really, just like Bucky or everyone else, she lives in the compound, it’s her right to use each and every area of it, as long as she is not violating anyone’s privacy.

But Bucky, he was a total different thing. He couldn’t stay in the same room as her for more than 5 minutes even if their lives depended on it. He always criticized her, always had an insult to throw her way. It was as if he hated the woman, and y/n had no idea what had she done to deserve such treatment from him.

She was finished with the first batch of cookies and putting them to bake in the oven when she noticed Bucky enter the kitchen. He didn’t even spare her a glance, just headed to the refrigerator and took out a bottle of water, unscrewing the cap and drinking with large sips. He looked tired, probably wore himself out with the punching bag, skin sweaty and hair dump, sticking on his forehead.

Y/n couldn’t help but stare at him. He was very handsome, with his brooding and almost dangerous features, but his eyes, they were always blue and soft and y/n couldn’t help but lose herself in them.

Bucky noticed her staring and scoffed in annoyance.

“What are you looking at?” He asked her, a little too bitterly for y/n’s taste.

She cleared her throat, embarrassed that he caught her staring, a red shade of blush dusting her cheeks.

“I’m sorry, I was just lost in thoughts, didn’t mean to stare or make you feel uncomfortable.”

Her words were quiet, but she knew Bucky could hear her anyway.

“As if.” He replied almost taunting and left the kitchen, not saying another word. As if she could make him feel uncomfortable.

Bucky hated the idea of being alone with y/n. He hated the fact that she was so nice to him, always going out of her way to see to his every need, always offering her help with anything he was supposed to figure out by himself. He hated how she cooked for the whole team and always saved him a plate, never forgetting to call him down when the food was ready or when they were all hanging out, watching movies or playing silly games.

Y/n used to be a part of the Avengers, a very important asset to the team, with her powers and skills, she was amazing and fierce and a total badass. But everything changed two years ago, only a few months before Bucky came back from Wakanda.

Y/n had been captured by Hydra and tortured for three long months, she never said in detail what they did to her there, but whatever it was ruined her for good. She suffered a lot even after Steve and Natasha found her and brought her back home. She was mentally incapable of going on another mission or anything like that, that’s why Tony and Steve decided she would not participate in another mission for as long as it was needed for her to fully recover.

Bucky was sitting on the couch of the common room, reading a book, when he heard Friday’s mechanical yet very vivid voice inform him about the arrival of the team from their mission. He closed the book and got up from the place, ready to meet Steve and the others.

They came one after the other through the door with animated chatter, looking surprisingly well considering they had been on this mission for more than two weeks.

Steve was the first one to go to Bucky and hug him, then the rest of the team greeted him too. After the questions about the mission and if they were all fine, Steve was the first to ask about y/n’s whereabouts.

“Have you seen y/n today?” He asked Bucky, but the latter didn’t have time to answer because at that moment the woman entered the common room with two large plates full of chocolate chip cookies.

“Hey guys” she greeted them all with a wide smile and Sam was the first one to go to her, take the plates from her hands and pecked her cheek lightly.

Steve went up to her next, enveloping her in a warm hug which she happily returned. “How are you?” He asked in a hushed voice, only for her to hear.

“I’m okay. How are you? The mission went okay?”

He nodded and kissed her head.

Bucky was watching them from his seat, almost fuming at how lovingly his best friend and y/n were acting.

Everyone knew that after rescuing her from Hydra’s hands, Steve became her rock, the person she would go to every time she needed someone to talk to, or someone to hold her. His caring, nurturing nature had easily made her trust in him, open up to him with her mind and her heart, helping her become better and helping her heal.

Everyone also knew that there was nothing more than platonic brotherly love between them both, but Bucky couldn’t help the bitter taste of jealousy he’d get in his mouth and stomach every time he saw her with Steve.

He kept telling himself that he was jealous that she was keeping his best friend from him, what with Steve spending most of his free time with her, but he knew that wasn’t really true. He just couldn’t admit it to anyone, even himself that yet.

They all sat together around the couches and chairs, talking and eating y/n’s delicious cookies, when y/n directed her gaze to Bucky and silently nudged one of the plates in his direction, asking him to have one.

He just looked at her for a brief moment, as if not believing her gesture, and then got up from his seat.

“I don’t want your stupid cookies.” Was all he said before he left the room entirely, leaving everyone on the team surprised by his words, and y/n hurt in her very core.

She didn’t know what she had done to him, but she knew that she didn’t deserve his attitude. She tried to swallow the lump that formed in her throat and averted her eyes to her lap. Steve that was sitting next to her, with his arm around her shoulders, furrowed his brows in disappointment at his best friend.

“Don’t mind him. You know how Bucky is.” He said trying to justify the man’s actions, but he knew the first thing he had to do later was go to Bucky and give him a piece of his mind. Y/n just shrugged and gave him a small smile to let her know she wasn’t hurt, but Steve knew that wasn’t true.

He knew how much Bucky would hurt y/n with his attitude towards her, he had witnessed Bucky being mean for no reason to y/n several times, but he couldn’t understand why his pal had to do so.

The atmosphere in the room shifted awkwardly after Bucky’s disappearance, but only for a few moments, because Sam was quick to crack a joke and try to restore the humor.

***

Missions are always hard, with the exception of a few here and there where they get lucky to get in, get the job done and get out without any scratches on them. This time though, luck was not on their side.

Steve, Bucky, Sam and Natasha had all been in a mission in Germany, raiding a Hydra base, while the rest of the team were doing the same in Russia, shutting down the same experiment operation that Hydra was conducting.

When they returned, they were all miserable, beaten down and tired, faces and bodies covered in blood and  scars.

Y/n had been feeling guilty for not being able to help the team anymore every since her capture, so not being one to just stand around and do nothing while her family and friends risked her life to save the world, she started to work in the medical bay, tending to their wounds every time they needed the care.

This time was no different, she was prepared for their arrival hours ago, Natasha notifying her of the situation of each member.

As soon as the jet landed in the hangar, she ran towards her friends and helped them to the med bay. They all looked like they had been through hell. And she knew it was true. Hydra was hell and she had lived in that hell herself for three months a couple of years ago.

She began with Natasha, cleaning and suturing a deep gash on her hairline, assessing to her other wounds, a knife slashing in her upper arm, a couple of bruises in her ribs. After finishing with her she went to Steve, who had a busted lip and a few broken ribs, but ever the stubborn person he was, he insisted he was okay.

“You should see Bucky. He has a bullet wound in his abdomen and I think his shoulder is dislocated.” He informed her in a hushed but quick voice.

Her eyes widened and she asked another nurse to tend to him before she went to see Bucky.

Bucky was sitting at the end of the med bay, head hanging low and the breaths he was taking were short and shallow. Because of his past trauma and everything, he didn’t let anyone take care of him except from doctor Cho, who he had learned to trust with time, but unfortunately the woman wasn’t in the States at all that day.

Now Bucky was losing blood, sitting in an uncomfortable chair, not letting anyone take care of him.

Y/n approached him with careful steps, not wanting to startle him. “Hey, Bucky.” she spoke in a soft tone that was usually directed to him.

He picked up his head to look at her but said nothing. He was paler than she had ever seen him, surely he must have lost a lot of blood.

“Will you let me look at your wounds?  Steve said you’re shot-”

She didn’t get to finish her sentence because he abruptly got up from his chair, making the way out of the med bay.

“I don’t need your help.”

His voice was hoarse and a little weak, but she could sense the animosity in his tone. Her heart broke a little from him words, but she couldn’t say anything to him. She wished things were different between them.

He took three more steps in the direction of the door and before he could leave the room, his knees gave out and he collapsed on the floor with a loud thud.

Three heads turned to the source of the noise and y/n gasped in horror when she saw Bucky fall down, but she immediately reacted and went to his side, helping him on his back and assessing to his wound.

Steve and Sam helped her get Bucky in one of the surgery tables where she had to get the bullet out and see his wound before he died of blood hemorrhage.

*

Bucky woke up feeling his head pounding. He opened his eyes with a little difficulty and first thing he saw was all white. White walls, white room, white sheets, and a person in a white coat sleeping in a chair next to his bed, her head tucked next to his thigh, two petite hands holding his metal hand in a firm grip.

When he saw who was next to him, Bucky’s heart started hammering in his chest, but he couldn’t let her be there. Despite feeling bad for having to wake her up, because she looked as if she hadn’t slept in days, he had to, before he did some stupid thing he would regret later.

He retracted his hand rather harshly from her hold and y/n startled awake, looking frantically around the room for any source of danger.

When her eyes met his she let out a sigh of relief and a small smile formed in her lips.

“You’re awake.”

“What are you doing here?” He asked in a gruffly voice, hoarse from disuse. Despite having saved his life, he still couldn’t stand to be in the same room as her.

“I’m sorry, I was just sitting in the chair and then fell asleep…” she was trying to find excuses for her presence there, but Bucky was having none of it.

He gave her what she understood to be a repulsed look and asked for Steve. The smile never leaving her lips, she nodded her head and quit the room quickly.

Despite everything he did to her, she couldn’t hate him, she couldn’t resent him. She felt too deeply for Bucky and it was killing her, but she couldn’t stop being nice to him. He deserved all the kindness in the world, no matter what.

She made a quick walk to Steve’s room and informed him about Bucky being awake. While talking to him she kept her easy smile and normal composure, but as soon as she retreated to her room, the pain came all at once, crushing her, causing her to fall down to her knees and cry her eyes out.

She sobbed and sobbed and felt the pain pierce through her chest, but she couldn’t help but still care for Bucky. All she needed to do was let out all the hurt and pain in the confines of her room and then get out, put a fake smile on her face and carry on taking care of Bucky and the rest of the team as if nothing had happened.

She had been practicing this kind of ritual for a long time, lately more often than not and she was used to it. She knew she was hurting but she couldn’t stop caring. It was her blessing and her curse.

***

The next time they were left alone together was a few months later during a week long visit in Wakanda. T'Challa had welcomed them in their palace, offering each and one of them personal chambers. It just happened that Bucky’s and y/n’s bedrooms were next to each other.

It was almost 3 am and with all the people living in the palace sleeping a peaceful quiet had embraced the atmosphere. Bucky couldn’t sleep, so he was writing in his journal his latest thoughts. Despite having gained all of his memories back and having them sorted in order, he kept writing in a journal, it helped him with his feelings, especially with the ones for y/n.

Speaking of her, he was just writing about the last time he had seen her in the compound, tired and consumed, eyes with dark circles under them and shoulders slumped, almost as she had given up in herself.

He had never seen her like that, even when he had just returned from Wakanda to become part of the Avengers, just a little after she was rescued from Hydra. Her smile, her pretty smile she always wore no matter what, was missing and Bucky couldn’t help but feel responsible and guilty for the state she was in.

He had been horrible towards her, but she never complained and despite his rudeness she kept being kind to him, treating him with extra care and tenderness, but he kept being mean to her. He felt like the biggest asshole in the world.

He was just closing his notebook to go to bed when he heard her blood curdling screams echoing through the walls. He was immediately on panic, running to her door to save her from any threat she might be facing.

Even though the king’s palace was one of the safest places on Earth, Bucky couldn’t help but fear that she was in real danger, if her screams were any indication.

He ran to her room and opened the door in a hurry, but instead of finding any threat there, he was met with her figure thrashing on the bed, kicking and yelling to the top of her lungs for help.

She was having a nightmare.

He was frozen in place, just looking at her living in a terror, before he reacted and without a second thought went to her bed to wake her up.

As he got closer he noticed there were tears in her eyes, and his heart broke for the innocent girl suffering. Bucky was very familiar to the nightmares and he knew that she must have them too, after the pain and torture she went through, but he had never heard her, their rooms in the compound being in different floors.

Without losing any more seconds he closed the distance with her and wrapped his arms around her, one hand getting the hair out of her face, patting them securely behind her ears. She was still screaming in his arms.

“Y/n wake up sweetheart.” He began talking in a sweet soothing voice. “Come on, wake up, it’s okay, it’s just a dream.” He continued speaking to her and caressing her cheeks with his fingertips.

She woke up startled, her eyes opening in shock and pushing at him to let her go.

“No, let me go!” She yelled but she only tightened his hold around her shoulders and kept on whispering to her ears.

“It’s me y/n, it’s Bucky. You’re safe now. It’s okay.”

Soon enough she calmed down and let her weight down in his arms, shoulders slumping forward and arms clinging to him for dear life.

“Bucky..” she muttered in a breathless voice and began to cry with loud sobs.

His heart was breaking seeing her like this, so he kept rocking her back and forth in his arms, trying to soothe her.

“It’s okay. It’s over now. You’re here, you’re safe.” He kept talking to her while his hands were rubbing up and down her back, helping with her calming down.

Eventually her breathing evened and she was quiet in his arms, but her hands hadn’t loosen their grip on his shirt at all. He kept hugging her and rocking her and whispering sweet nothings in her ears and he wasn’t planning on moving if it wasn’t for y/n who a few minutes after having calmed down went stiff in his arms and retreated her body from his.

“I’m sorry you had to come and wake me up.”

Her voice was small and hoarse from all the screaming, but Bucky heard it loud and clearly.

“I’m sorry you have nightmares.” He replied to her. She looked up to his eyes in surprise, not having expected him to say that.

Of course even having him there was a surprise in itself, but she guessed he just had to come and wake her up because her screaming was disturbing his sleep.

She shook her head.

“It’s not your fault.”

“But it is. I made your days a real nightmare too. I’m sorry y/n.”

He wiped the tears out of her cheeks and then took one of her hands in his and started playing mindlessly with her fingers.

“Buck..”

“Yeah?” His eyes met her in a hopeful glance, he didn’t know what she was about to say next, but he wanted to be there for her now, he didn’t want to leave her side.

“Why do you hate me?” Her seemingly nonchalant question made him shudder. He didn’t hate her. Of course he didn’t. But the way he acted towards her said otherwise.

He locked eyes with her for a moment and slowly started closing the distance between them.

“I don’t.” He answered simply and his lips met hers in a short and hesitant kiss.

At first she didn’t react to his lips on hers, but then she returned his kiss, just as timid as him, for a quick second and then she was the first to end it.

“I’m sorry. I should better go.” He said in a hurried voice, clearly embarrassed. He got up from the bed and made to leave the room, but her next words stopped him right in his tracks.

“Please don’t.”

It was barely a whisper and  if he didn’t have super soldier hearing he would probably miss it. But he heard her, and his head whipped around to see her already looking at him expectantly.

He turned back and sat on her bed again, and she nearly crawled to get close to him and curled to his chest, trying to protect herself from the outside world in his embrace.

Bucky circled his arms around her shoulders and moved them to a laying position, to be more comfortable.

“I’m sorry for everything, doll. I know I hurt you and I have no excuse for being such a jerk to you. I don’t deserve your tenderness and kindness, but you always go out of your way to make me feel better and for that I’m eternally grateful. I’m so sorry for causing you pain and hurting you when you didn’t deserve it at all.”

She just hugged him tighter and sighed in relief.

“It’s okay Buck. Everything is okay.”

That night they fell asleep in each other’s arms and it was the very first night of the best sleeps of their lives. In the morning they would talk it all out.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes imagines

[elizabethvaughns]

I listened to if then recently and I'm CONFUSED. I also watched a bootleg wich didn't help since I'm not really good in English and the bootlegs have bad audio quality. Do you have tips how I can understand it? Or can you explain it?

It seems like a cool musical and I wanna understand it so badly!!!

if you want me to explain it, i'd be happy to :)

(when i first watched it, i only understood some of the dialogue but i didn't know about the libretto so i just browsed the tumblr tag and hoped for the best lmao.)

i'd recommend reading the libretto of the musical if you want the exact dialogue, lyrics, and locations.

@ifthenslashers has it linked in their pinned post (thank you for that, by the way💙. your resources are very helpful :))

but the libretto is very long, so i'll try to summarize it best i can(under the cut).

i hope this is helpful!

elizabeth vaughn moves back to new york city after divorcing her husband oren after 12 years. as he's waiting for her, her best friend (and ex-boyfriend this is relevant), lucas talks to this kindergarten teacher, who walked up to him and started talking to him. when elizabeth comes to the park(they're meeting in a park), both lucas and kate(the kindergarten teacher) walk up to her. it turns out that kate is elizabeth's neighbor. kate asks elizabeth to go with her and meet new romantic prospects, have fun. she calls her liz. lucas(a housing activist) asks elizabeth to come with him to meet the other members of the new york citizens for change and to go to his street action in the subway. he calls her beth. this is where the timelines diverge.

liz-verse (liz chooses kate):

so liz goes with kate to get coffee. josh barton, an army doctor who just came back from his second tour, walks up to liz. he awkwardly flirts with her. liz gets a call from a number with the area code (347). she doesn't recognize it so she doesn't pick it up. josh asks for liz's number, liz says it's a new number so she doesn't know it, josh asks her if she believes in fate, she says she doesn't, she walks away. ("what if?")

the next day, liz, kate, and anne (kate's girlfriend) are on the way to brooklyn on the subway. the subway car stops for a bit due to a street action (lucas's group's). the three talk about men, and kate keeps pointing out different men on the subway. josh(also on the subway) walks up to liz. again awkwardly flirts. he's from nebraska(are any falsettos mutual reading this? if so, you know exactly what i'm thinking of lmao). kate conducts an instant public poll about fate and whether liz should take josh's number. liz eventually gives in and takes josh's number. ("it's a sign")

over the course of the next few days? weeks? kate sets liz up on various blind dates. during one of them, liz sees josh in the distance. she runs up to him and hugs him in a last-ditch attempt to end that date. she pretends josh is a very old friend of hers, josh plays along. it's been three times that the two met now. josh asks liz out, she says yes, they go on a date that very evening. they end it at liz's apartment("map of new york"). liz expresses her apprehension with...relationships due to the probabilities. josh basically says "you never know"(bc that's the name of the song) and you can never really tell what's going to happen. ("you never know")

soon, josh and liz go on a date to a baseball game(yes, my dear falsettos mutuals, that is absolutely correct). kate, anne, and lucas tag along. soon enough, josh and liz set lucas up with josh's best friend, david. lucas and david hit it off. ("ain't no man manhattan")

liz and josh hang out in liz's apartment, again. josh reveals that he was on the way to the airport when he was on the subway that day and he didn't go back to nebraska bc of her. they make out, liz runs into the bathroom to get her shit together, they....do the do.("what the fuck?").

the next morning, they wake up. they talk about their relationship. they say "i love you".("here i go")

in a few weeks?(by my best estimation), it's liz's birthday! lucas sees liz pouring her champagne out of her glass and confronts her about it. he and david find out she's pregnant. david asks lucas to move in. he says yes. liz tells josh about the pregnancy. kate proposes to anne. she says yes. josh proposes to liz. she says yes. ("surprise")

a c t t w o

josh and liz get married! ("this day/walking by a wedding")

liz is pregnant(duh). she reads in the newspaper that the idiot mayor's nephew's incompetence with city planning cost the life of a child. josh sings about his excitement for a kid, they have their first son, jake. ("hey kid")

time skip some two years.

liz and josh had a second kid, cooper. lucas and david are babysitting jake. lucas is riding on a skateboard with the stroller. liz is (justifiably) bewildered. david's like he's belted in and has a helmet, he's safe. liz and jake go back home, bc liz is free due to spring break(she teaches urban planning in a uni) and josh is on days.

david talks to lucas about having a kid. lucas is apprehensive because...reasons. they sing "best worst mistake" which is objectively the cutest song in the whole show. they say "i love you" to each other for the first time. ("best worst mistake")

josh gets deployed. liz is mad, she tells him to quit. he says he can't. soon enough, he has to go. after some time, some officers come to liz's door, tell her josh died due to an rpg attack on the medical facility. lucas helps her with the kids, she tells him to go, stay with david. ("i hate you")

(sidenote: i'm on the verge of tears rn bc i'm speedrunning the whole musical in my head. sorry.)

liz is grieving for josh. ("you learn to live without")

the gang(minus anne) goes to josh's funeral. it turns out kate and anne divorced because anne was cheating on kate. kate and lucas ask liz about giving josh an honor guard. she says that he wanted to be cremated and have his remains scattered over the platte river in nebraska(who even knew there was a river in nebraska?). david says that he's imagined his life without josh the past few weeks: josh was his best friend, he introduced him to the man he loves, etc. he asks liz that if she met josh the next day while still knowing that she would lose him, would she avoid taking that chance to avoid the loss, or take the chance anyways? ("what would you do?"). lucas, kate, and david go to get the car. liz has a revelation, of sorts. she promises josh to "start over" with her life every day, and, in a sense, not wallow in the what-might-be's("always starting over").

time skip a few months. liz meets stephen(you'll find out who he is, soon enough) and his wife cathy. he offers her a job in the department of city planning. she takes it. lucas and david are walking in the park with their kid, huck, in the background. lucas walks up to liz, sits down, they talk. lucas reveals he's always been a bit in love with her, liz is surprised. they are the brotp and i love them. ("what if?(reprise)")

the end.

beth-verse(beth chooses lucas):

beth gets a call, area code (347). lucas informs her it's the nyc area code. she picks up. it's stephen, one of beth's old friends from grad school. he offers her a job under him as deputy director of city planning. lucas tells her not to go because he doesn't like stephen and he thinks a job with the city does not make enough of an impact. beth and lucas reminisce about their college days. lucas kisses beth. josh, who is seen walking toward beth in the background, walks away. beth recoils. it's all awkward. beth says she'll still come to the street action. ("what if?")

lucas and beth get bench warrants because of the street action.

beth goes to meet stephen. she's a bit hesitant at first bc she doesn't have experience. but she interviews for the job and she gets it. kate sets beth up on numerous blind dates. on one of them, she discreetly texts lucas to help her out. he comes, she runs up to him and hugs him, the date takes his leave. lucas and beth head to lucas's apartment. beth gets a text from stephen. lucas is still miffed about beth taking a city job. lucas tells her it's a bad idea to get involved with the boss. beth denies that she is in the first place. ("map of new york")

time skip. a couple weeks.

the nycc is protesting the redevelopment of the far west side (bc,,, gentrification). a project that, coincidentally, beth is working on.

beth and stephen go to a baseball game. stephen asks beth to convince lucas to back down from the project. beth does so by promising lucas to introduce him to an editor she knows if he backs down from the project.

time skip, the project is a success. ("ain't no man manhattan")

a few weeks? later, stephen comes to beth's place with some plans. she kisses him. he kisses back. he leaves bc he's married. beth calls lucas, who comes right by.

beth and lucas hook up. ("what the fuck?")

beth tells lucas she's sent in her resignation. he tells her that even though he despises stephen, this cannot be the reason that she quits.

lucas wants to know the status of their relationship, beth claims it was purely a one-time thing. lucas tells her he loves her even if she doesn't love him back and that he will always be there for her. ("you don't need to love me")

beth goes to work. she hires a young grad, elena. kate comes in, tells her that she's her kindergarten class's american hero. stephen comes to beth with the resignation, she rips it up. stephen asks beth to do the speech for the project bc the deputy mayor resigned and he has to step up (which means beth is the new director of city planning! yay!). ("no more wasted time")

it's beth's birthday! beth, kate, anne, elena, and lucas have a small get together. when lucas is off getting the cake, the girls find out that beth is pregnant(because...lucas). beth is confused bc she doesn't know what to do with the pregnancy and the job opportunity. elena tells her to follow what she wants to do. lucas is smashed. he asks beth to move in with him. she refuses. he proposes. again, she refuses. ("surprise")

(it is implied that kate proposes to anne here as well)

a c t. t w o

beth walks by a wedding and contemplates shit about weddings.("this day/walking by a wedding") she aborted the pregnancy.

beth is babysitting elena's kid. elena tells beth that she's moving with her husband to oregon. beth is upset because elena reminds her a lot of herself.

2.5 years after the end of act one, we see lucas in the park. he has published his book. a young woman(paulette) comes up to him, asks for an autograph, implies he's old, you know how it goes. beth walks up to lucas. we learn that lucas has avoided all contact with beth bc he had to grapple with the fact that she aborted the fetus. lucas asks beth if she had, at least, thought about the possibility of the two having a kid together. the two contemplate various alternate universes. beth asks if they can still stay friends. lucas wonders if this was his last chance at love. he walks away. he almost runs into a bicyclist—david. ("some other me")

beth is at an awards ceremony preparing to receive an award. stephen comes to say hi. he asks her to come work with him in albany. beth refuses. we learn that stephen has divorced his wife, cathy. ("map of new york(reprise)")

(ok i'm crying again one sec)

beth learns to cope with being alone(romantically).("you learn to live without")

she goes on a flight to london, which has to make an emergency landing in maine. kate decides to divorce anne because she was flirting with someone else(and kate thinks anne doesn't love her anymore). beth calls lucas, and they mend their friendship.("the moment explodes")

lucas tells beth that kate and anne are getting divorced. beth rushes to the bookstore where the two are dealing with the papers. she convinces them not to get divorced. ("love while you can")

a few weeks later, beth, lucas, kate, and anne meet in the park. kate won the nyc teacher of the year award. beth is planning to run for the city council. josh, who just returned from his third tour overseas, walks up to beth. he says hi, asks her out. she says yes, but her friends are waiting for her. lucas and kate pretend to be engrossed in their own thing. beth agrees to go on a date with josh that very day. ("what if?(reprise)")

the end.

#if/then mutuals feel free to clarify/add on/correct me #ik the timeline switches can make it kinda hard to follow #i hope i summarized it better than wikipedia #long post #anon tag #hmm might rewatch if/then tonight #if/then

[bonesthebeloved]

You did to me what tsunamis do to homes- Sanders Sides

@lance-alt

Summary: Patton and Remus fuse for an experiment. Then they fuse again. Then they stay fused because Patton wants too. When the others finally find out how bad it is hurting Remus, the damage is already done and they have to deal with the aftermath. Wordcount: 3849 words Relationships: Platonic creativitwins, Romantic Intruloceit. TRIGGER/ SQUICK WARNING: !UNSYMPATHETIC PATTON!, mental abuse, neglection, manipulation, dismissal, swearing, disassociation, shouting, panic attack mention (brief), some plushy and clothes get ripped apart I guess, vomiting, (idk how to tag this but Patton flirts with Roman while he and Remus are fused so that), Crying, food mention. (If I forgot anything please let me know. this is a heavy one and I don’t wanna accidentally hurt people with it.)

Patton being unsympathetic/ abusive isn’t really explained but I don’t have the brain cells for that atm so let’s just say he thinks he can protect Thomas this way and is willing to do anything to ‘keep him safe’ however incorrect he may be.

After this post by @lance-alt (Hope you like it bud.)

They had found out that they could fuse because of creativity. Remus and Roman had finally reconnected enough for them to be friendly with each other again. Baking and making a mess of the kitchen while loudly singing Disney songs at 10 am, sitting on the couch together to watch crappy horror movies and laughing at how terrible the special effects were. Dancing in the living room to Panic! at the disco, with energy so high it could match Patton’s when he had too much sugar.

When Remus had grabbed his brother to spin in circles, the soul reason just being him simply wanting to do so now that he could, when something had happened.

Bright light and they both weren’t quite themselves anymore.

A stumble as they looked down. The floor much further away and their body not quite theirs.

It had been exciting, to be the King again. Remus had made them hug themselves and Roman had spun them around before both of them made them run towards Patton’s room.

When they unfused again there had been confusion.  When they fused again Logan had conducted an experiment.

And now Remus was in the logical traits room. Fidgeting his thumbs while Patton picked some music. It wasn’t the duke’s preference. He liked something more upbeat. Something edgier. But Patton had picked the music and this was only for an experiment so he didn’t argue.

Besides. He did not want to get on Patton’s bad side.

The dancing was awkward and so was the fusion. It didn’t feel quite right. Unlike being Romulus where he and his brother just shared the mind and looked through the same eyes, they were in a room. Two chairs in front of a big screen and a control panel. It had been a little odd. But not bad perse so he’d let it slide. Maybe Patton just liked it like this. He didn’t mind. Simply wasn’t used to it yet.

Not that he had to get used to it. This was a one-time thing after all.

When they unfused Logan had been ecstatic. Already asking Patton so many questions about how it had felt and set up a meeting for them to fuse as well so he could witness it first hand.

Remus was dismissed with the wave of a hand. Leaving the room confused and not feeling quite right.

- 

They had fused again after a few days. Patton coming to him with a smile and an offer to try it again because ‘it felt so funny! didn’t it? I think you’re my favourite person to fuse with Remus!’

And Remus couldn’t have known that Patton had only tried it with Logan. Remus couldn’t have known what ‘letting Patton steer the ship’ for a while could have let too.

They were fused the whole day. And inside the room, Remus had sat back. Patton needed time to learn how to properly control their body. And, as he already had experience with fusing with Roman, he let him figure it out, repressing the odd feeling that came with not being himself.

And when they unfused in the evening, Remus too tired to do anything else than simply plop on his bed and fall asleep, Patton said goodbye and that they should do that again sometimes.

A few weeks later and they were barely unfused. 

They only separated when it was time to go to bed. Too tired to do anything else and slowly forgetting how to do anything else but sleep and wake up to Patton knocking at his door.

One of the two chairs in the room had disappeared. Remus never sitting on it.

Instead, he said in the corner of the room, trying to ignore the feeling of his limbs moving and touching things even if he sat still himself. Trying to ignore the feeling of their body eating and talking and communicating while he was silent.

 At first, he had been trying to pitch into their decisions. But after Patton had made them rip apart the octopus plushy that Roman had gifted his brother on their birthday, threatening to destroy more of his precious belongings if he didn’t work with him, he had settled down.

Remus now barely moved when they were fused. Arms wrapped around his legs, staring blankly at the opposite wall, trying to tune out the sensations and sounds. Trying to not look at himself being so…not himself.

A few months had passed and Patton made their body lay down onto Remus’ bed every time they unfused because Remus couldn’t remember how to move his limbs without somebody else doing it for him

-

When Logan walked up to them after three months of nonstop fusion, Remus had lifted his head to look up at the screen for the first time in weeks.

“Hey, Pathos.” He disliked that name. But Patton had picked it for them and arguing had only led to Virgil’s old jacket, which he had used as a comforter for when everything got too much, being burned right in front of their eyes. Remus not even having a chair or the power to do anything but watch, tears streaming down his cheeks. Mouth sealed shut because he wasn’t the one that did the talking.

“I know it’s none of my business but I can’t help but ask, don’t you think it might be unhealthy to stay fused all the time? I know you’ve told me that you get things done easier like this, yin and yang and so on. But I also know that it is easy to lose your sense of self in things like this.”

“Oh Logan, thank you so much for worrying about us,” Patton spoke. Remus had lost the ability to flinch at that point. Simply keeping his head low, his body stiff, staring at the wall opposite of him. It had begun to change colour in the last few days.

“And it hasn’t been easy. Believe me, it hasn’t been. Remus and Patton are very different people after all.”  Remus’ only response was the twitching of his pinky. On the inside, he was screaming, yelling, hoping that Patton had finally seen the error in his ways. 

“Remus really wears on Patton sometimes. With all of his crazy ideas and violent tendencies.” Oh.

“But They’ve found their peace like this. Like me! I think they’re better off like this. And isn’t everything more peaceful now that Remus is under control? Don’t you think it’s better this way?”

Logan looked taken aback by the negative talk towards one of the components of the fusion. Though he didn’t comment on it. Simply nodding, shrugging it off and going about his day while Remus was left in the room with Patton. Trying not to listen to the moral sides thoughts in his head. Trying to get them away from his own. Trying to not think.

Patton just walked them to a mirror. Staring right at it before he spoke.

“You really thought he was going to help you? They know you’re wrong Remus. And if this is the only way for me to keep you away from them then I will carry that burden with pride.”

No. He hadn’t wanted to be free. He hadn’t. Because that would be bad and he wasn’t bad. He wasn’t- “You can’t lie to me, Remus. Or did you forget that I can hear your thoughts as well?”

Remus turned his head again. Retaking his staring contest with the wall opposite of him.

The wall was getting patchy. spots of green and blue interrupting the evenly coloured cyan wall like the wallpaper was coming off.

-

The fusion got more unstable. With Roman coming up to them to confess that he missed his brother and Virgil crying during a panic attack because he wanted Patton to comfort him but the idea of Remus being there too made his skin crawl.

Logan had begun to figure out what he thought was going on. Pathos seemed too put together. Too nice and cheerful and pg to have them both equal parts controlling him. He didn’t swear. Didn’t make a mess, didn’t do anything like Remus but rather was just a slightly more excentric and charismatic version of Patton.

And that night Remus hung above the toilet. Retching as wave after wave of sick clattered into the toilet bowl. The memory of Patton controlling their body to flirt with his brother making him physically ill. A new wave of bile rising up at the memory of how he had them smile of the thought of Pathos with his brother. Of how Patton’s thoughts about his brother had mixed with his own. Of how uncomfortable Roman had looked until nothing but stomach acid was left and his throat stung and the taste of sick had to be washed away with mouthwash.

The wallpaper was peeling more each day. The corner opposite him now almost fully green and blue. 

Virgil had avoided touching them. Stopping his hushed conversations with Logan each time Pathos walked into the room. Eyeing them with suspicious than slowly grew into anger. And Remus felt one of the last strings that attached him to the others snap when they cut up his usual outfit that night. Patton’s anger and sadness at making his best friend this upset coursing through him. Feeling the self hate and hate for him rip at his chest as the sash was cut to pieces. The eye attached to the outfit ripped off and stomped on.

He wasn’t sure which were his own feelings anymore.

The wallpaper was halfway off now. Green and blue replacing Cyan walls. Remus focused on the green parts and silently wished for freedom. When Patton threatened to drown his pet rat he numbed the thoughts until only Patton’s own remained.

Deceit hadn’t spoken to them for an entire month. Though he and Logan were together a lot. Always talking or holding up papers. Always quieting down when they entered the room.  When Pathos had confronted Deceit and had wanted to judge him for not communicating with them and say that he could at least be civil, Deceit had actually hissed at them.

“I’m not speaking to you until you give me my friend back Patton.” 

Remus had cried that night. Patton having left him on the bed as always. Unmoving. Unresponsive to the almost freezing temperature in his room and the fact that he couldn’t use his blanket to get warm because it had been ripped to pieces.  He laid there the entire night. Tears simply streaming down his face as he stared at the wall he was facing. The grey colour of it a nice change to the usual green and blue that had completely taken over the room.

Unmoving when Patton broke his mirror the next morning when they fused again and he had felt tired and cold.

Roman had begun to look at them strangely. His expression was so sad that Remus could feel the hurt from where he was sitting. His brother had stopped talking to them all together after the conversation they’d had. Remus had gotten enough of his willpower back from hearing his brother begging them to un-fuse, to please have his brother back, to finally take action.

They were having dinner when it happened.

Pathos had called all the sides to the dinner table. Wanting to spend some time with all of them because ‘we never talk any more kiddos!’

They were holding the pot of spaghetti, about to put it on the table when they froze.

Virgil cursed loudly when the hot spaghetti dropped onto his lap and arms. Though cursed even louder when he looked to the side and saw the pot lying on the ground and next to it, gripping their head and slowly being consumed by light, was Pathos.

“Stay together! I’m not letting you leave!” A voice, sounding more like Patton’s then the one they had gotten used to coming from the ball of light. All of the sides having jumped up, Logan and Deceit ushering the other two back. Holding their arms out protectively.

“It’s better like this! We’re better like th-” “No!”

And with Remus’ voice, hoarse and terrified sounding, echoing through the room, one silhouette split into two.

And there were Patton and Remus. Patton quickly jumping up from his place on the ground and staring down at Remus with fury in his eyes. His usual outfit on like always. Fists bawled, teeth gritted. Furious.

Patton was about to open his mouth to say something to Remus when he was stopped by a hand gripping his arm. He whipped around to see Logan shake his head. Holding back Deceit, Virgil and Roman with his other arm. The three of them looked ready to kill.

“Go,” Logan said simply. It wasn’t comforting. Wasn’t even a warning. No, with the cold tone and cold eyes and arm holding back the other three it sounded more like a threat than anything else.

Because Remus didn’t look well.

Remus lay curled up on the ground. Not having moved a muscle since they un-fused. Arms around his legs and head bowed down slightly. Eyes staring at something they couldn’t see. Wearing an old t-shirt and joggers instead of his usual outfit. Muscle mass almost completely was gone.

Roman’s vision what white with anger, breath uneven and harsh as he tried to calm himself. Deceit was visibly shaking and Virgil had run out of the room as soon as they knew for sure that Patton had locked himself in his own one. Logan was frozen in place for a good few seconds, snapping out of it as soon as Roman rushed passed him, dropping down to his knees next to his brother.

“Remus? Remus, it’s me! Can you hear me?”

The only response he got was a tear slipping from his brother’s eye. No movement. Rising and falling of his chest the only thing moving his body.

“What the fuck did he do to you…?” Came Deceit’s whisper, coming to sit next to Roman on the floor and lifting Remus’ head up slightly to lay it on his lap.

When Deceit began to carefully card his fingers through grimy hair Remus’ pinky twitched.

“He’s getting back his responses. Keep going.” That was Logan, kneeling down at Remus’ feet and putting a hand on the side’s ankle to show that he was here.

Another twitch.

When Roman carefully wrapped his arms around his brother and leaned his head onto his arm Remus did a full-body shiver and his gaze dropped.

Remus moved his hands. And after repeating the same gestures a few times Logan realised that he was using sign language. “He’s signing your name Roman.” And Roman burst into tears.

“Yes! Yes, Remus, I’m here! We’re all here okay? Logan, Dee, all three of us are here for you okay?”

‘Deceit?’ he signed

The ghost of moralities thoughts swirled in his head. Mixed together with his own so much so that he didn’t know which were his own anymore.

A part of him said Deceit was bad. Evil, wrong, bad, snake, liar.

Another part wanted to simply be held by his long term friend and short term crush. Wanted to be comforted like he would have been had none of this happened.  Wouldn’t Deceit have seemed scared to touch him like he would break if he did something wrong.

‘Tired,’ is what he signed instead of the thousands of words he’d been wanting to say. And the three of them seemed to understand.

So Logan picked him up. And Remus tried to ignore the panic that shot through him at being touched so suddenly. Tried to ignore the feeling of wanting to be closer and of knowing that he also felt something for Logan because that would be too complicated. 

And when they entered his room he tried to ignore his twisting stomach when all three of them gasped. Deceit insisting he tells them what had happened. Why it looked so empty.

‘He made us destroy it. Had to behave.’ He signed. Happier than anything that he had taken the time to learned to sign a few years ago.

“He…what?” “What is it? What did he say?” Roman pressed Logan, the logical side carefully laying Remus down in his bed, summoning a blanket that was clearly his own and putting it over the creative trait before answering the question. Looking at Deceit and Roman, a frown carved into his face.

“He said that Patton made them destroy his belongings so he would behave.” “He WHAT?!” Deceit roared. And the lump on the bed jumped at the loud noise. 

“I’m going to tear that fucker apart!” “Deceit wait! That wouldn’t do him any good right now,” Logan tried to argue. Trying to calm down the fuming Deceit.

It seemed to help a bit. Dee sitting down on the bed next to Roman and holding his head in his hands while Logan summoned a comb and slowly began to work through the knots.

For now, they just had to make sure Remus was alright, Deceit decided. He’d get Patton back for this eventually.

 -

The aftermath of the abuse (because Logan had said, that’s the only way to describe this,) was heavy.

Remus had to learn how to move on his own again. Seemingly having completely forgotten that he had to move his own limbs after such a long time of not being in control. 

Logan had, after a long conversation with Remus where not a word was spoken, reported back to the other two to tell them that his muscle mass had declined so much because he had barely moved, if at all, in the last few months.

He had to learn how to walk again. They got him crutches once he could properly lean on his arms again and watched him hobble around the new common room.

Patton had moved his room to another part of the imagination. If he was too ashamed or too stubborn they didn’t know. They still made videos together. But Remus never showed up. Leaving Deceit to fill in his place. He and Patton were never in the same video and the conversations Patton had with the others were short and harsh. 

Virgil was indecisive. He and Remus had never gotten along. But as soon as Logan had told him what had happened he felt sick every time he saw Patton.

So Virgil moved to the grey. The neutral part of the imagination where nobody ever went to and that nobody could find unless you weren’t looking for it. He came by on occasion. Talking with Logan or Roman, bickering with Deceit. But it wasn’t quite the same as it had once been.

Roman and Deceit both went and taught themselves sign language. Roman wanting to be able to communicate with his brother once they had realised that he seemed to have completely forgotten how to speak and Deceit wanting to be there in any way possible.

Remus was able to walk again after a month of practice. Wandering around the living room and swinging along gently when music played.

He worked out together with his brother. His strength returning slowly until he was able to enter the imagination again to go on a quest together with Roman.

He grew closer to Deceit as he had ever been. When they finally decided to put a label on things it had felt natural and nothing had changed.

Half a year later and Remus admitted to having fallen for Logan as well. Tears streaming down his face and fingers shaking as he signed the message. 

And Deceit had hugged him and kissed his tears away. Telling him that it was alright and that they could figure this out. And after a month or two Deceit announced that he wouldn’t mind Logan joining their relationship. Roman just happy for his brother and his friends and baking them a cake for the occasion.

And not everything was alright.

Remus wore soft sweaters and leggings. Refusing to put on the outfit Roman had remade for him. 

And they never baked and made a mess of the kitchen while loudly singing Disney songs at 10 am again because the ghost of the thoughts was still present and he refused to make any noise before he was certain everybody was awake. Never sat on the couch together to watch crappy horror movies and laughing at how terrible the special effects were because the voice of Patton was scowling at him that these people had put effort into this movie and ‘why would you mock something like this when everything you create is so much crueller?’ Never danced in the living room to Panic! at the disco, with energy so high it could match Patton’s when he had too much sugar because his mind told him that acting like that was foolish and a waste of his brothers time. 

He didn’t speak his mind like he had done before. Only said what was necessary. No vulgar or odd thoughts. No weird or exciting ideas. Nothing because he had been convinced that it was wrong. That he, his whole nature, his whole being, was wrong.

Remus understood then that Patton didn’t fuse with him because he liked it or wanted to help him. Morality wanted nothing more than to break him.

But life went on and healing was a slow and painful process.

When, after nearly a year of silence, Remus spoke his first words, his boyfriends and his brother had hugged him close while crying happy tears. 

And when, after nearly a year, his brother invited him for movie night again he had agreed.

And when, after nearly two years, he didn’t flinch anymore when somebody made a sudden gesture towards him nobody said anything but he knew they noticed.

And when, after nearly two years, the voice in his head that wasn’t his and the thoughts that weren’t his own began to quiet down, he didn’t say anything. Though his boyfriends noticed that he slept better. And his brother noticed that he spoke his mind from time to time.

And when, after nearly two years, he was dancing to Panic! at the disco in the living room with energy so high it could match Logan’s when talking about the stars, he felt that, though nothing would be the same again, though nothing would ever be quite whole again, he might be able to be okay again.

-

So Uhm… Here ya go?  This was extremely heavy even for me so I’m sorry I guess?  A very quick thing for all the Patton stans that are gonna come for my chins after this: I love him a lot. I love all of them a lot. I just, at the moment, think unsympathetic Patton is interesting to write.

Anyways. Hope this is kinda what you imagined Lance? Yeh. Okay. Bye.

-

Idk if I should put my taglist (I’m gonna but I hope y’all are mindful of the warnings and tell me if you wanna be excluded from heavier stuff/ removed.)

Taglist: @purp-man @crazycookie13o @deceitifullies101 @sapphire-knight @ragingdumpsterfiremess @chronophobica @lance-alt

#not remrom #there's mention of it #remus find it as disgusting as you don't worry #unsympathetic patton #tw abuse #food mention #tw vomit #arguing #Crying #tw body talk #crutches #romantic intruloceit #creativitwins #remus angst #ts remus #remus and roman #remus sanders #Abusive patton #deceit sanders #hurt remus #logan sanders #tw panic attack #recovery #tw crying #sanders sides #roman sanders #fanders #My writing #Lance prompts #sanders sides fanfiction

[6blackfilin9]

Just decided to show that I'm still alive over here

So guess it's LongShitpost Time

A very long post about The Batman's (2004) Penguin

And well, I've been thinking about making it for about a year, so.. here we are, watching me behaving like an easily surprised kid babbling about Oswald and how much I admire him and why

Actually nothin' important or highly moral here. If you still wanna read then just forget it's talk about a character from a kids show, I take this sh🐧t seriously and barely speak English

I like to take a lot of screenshots but can't use here all of them uuUUuUuuUUUUUGH

It's all about the 1st episode of 2nd season of The Batman (mostly, I also mention other my two fav episodes with Oswald)

I like it so much cuz this all just starts with "cat-mouse play" kind of cooperation which leads to "well guess you two will be chillin' in jail in pure mammalian harmony" and ends up with "oh no no no, this is your thievish girl, so you take her back"

"— You two pointy-ears make such a cute couple: his and hers."

"— Hm, made for each other."

I just crack up at this plot line so much

But well, being more serious, this episode unveils some of Oswald's personality traits quite vividly.

Going back to the first episode when he appeared, from the first sight it looked like the most of the time he acts like a mindlessly arrogant jerk who has no clue about what he’s doing, as most of kid-show villains, and tends to lose his temper fast , but if you look closer you’ll see that huge amount of his conduct lines are just a part of the games he plays

Like, he came to the Bruce's party just to take the damn list of guests, that’s the goal

But because of his behavior in public's eyes he wasn't the "strange quiet guy who's been looking around for all the time, than took the list of rich guests from butler and than left while there are robberies of rich people occurring in the city". He was "arrogant snobbish freak who thinks he's some sort of royalty (despite his family lost its place at the top of Gotham's society) so he acts around them as if they were peasants", so, for everyone it looks like the only thing he came for was attention, plus, influenced by negative emotions, people didn't notice such a potty movements as putting some paper in his jacket. I mean none even managed to notice that he stole the motherf🐧cking tray

(Well, for sure Oswald's quite snobbish about his family and it's "blue blood", can’t deny that, though he doesn’t behave that defiantly all the time and the only time when he completely loses it, cracks and explodes about this was when he became enraged hearing Alfred's words whom he took hostage in Bruce's house. That was a very bad day for him)

And come on, Oswald had patience and intelligence to figure out how to teach different predatory birds like ravens and owls, who actually tend to be wayward and even agressive time to time, to steal damn stuff from houses and how to make those f🐧cking badass high-tech umbrellas himself

So, cool man

If that episode showed his enormous arrogance, devotion to his family, resourcefulness, intelligence and hidden potential, this one shows how cunning, selfish, cold, ruthless and at some point insightful he can be

Back to the episode, it literally opens with the start of the strategy competition between Oswald and Selina

First they meet they start with a direct verbal flight for the Cat statue, which Oswald wins. So Selina, willing to get what she wants, desides to get down on a more manipulative subtle level playing love interest

So, of course Oswald gets stunned at first, I guess not every girl treats him this way every day, but he effectively uses this state to figure out his following plan and actions, and immediately starts behaving as a school boy in love.

So the man literally changed his tactics in a couple of seconds and figured out the new plan with the new “puppet” involved. Selina didn’t even notice anything thinking that she managed to hook him up easily so she now can manipulate him as she wants.

(guess Bruce was right, these two are worth each other: both prideful as heck)

So later their game enters the new fervent phase: they both play love interest in front of each other, and Oswald nailes his role just perfectly, making Selina even more convinced of his naivety so she reduces her alertness completely.

But guess he enjoyed this at some point. Like, Selina is a charming beautiful woman able to maintain a pleasant conversation with couple of dry sarcastic notes, so, I think this shade of sincerity helped him to play his part

And well, for quite huge amount of time Oswald makes that devil face with crooked grin which makes him look like a f🐧cking Satan, or just beings grumpy hardened journalist who had seen some shit which makes him look like he's about to have a severe breakdown, but here as he is around Selina in the first part of the episode he's completely calm like a damn fat cat, serious, focused and straight-faced, that's just gorgeous

He cracks up a bit ahead of time just once, when she manages to get the Bird statue

But as it goes to the showdown he doesn’t show even a hint of genuine sympathy or regret, he’s just like “well get reked Selina” and takes English leave

Well, I know it’s a kids show, Bruce saves the day and stuff, but Oz did literally put the bomb in the f🐧cking handcuffs so in case one of the two tries to put them off before the police arrive they actually f🐧cking die. I mean, that's kinda rough. But at the other hand it’s quite nobly but shortsighted of him to leave his enemies alive having a chance to interfere him later

And well, maybe Oswald isn’t good at etiquette, but he have never beaten Selina or any other lady if it came to close fight, while Batman did. Ozzie is a gentleman, shame on ya Bruce

And just to be said, the motherf🐧ucker didn’t even blink when the f🐧king half of his god damn umbrella was cut off right in front of his f🐧cking face. And oh my god, how f🐧cking firm Oswald's grip is that the hella heavy umbrella all made of f🐧cking metal didn't even swayed from the impact in the most stout place. Badass.

And just for a second, Oswald managed to dig to the bottom of that legend about the Bird and Cat statues and started putting the plan into action only after he had found all the necessary information about it (which he had to translate himself from ancient Egyptian), so that the first time he used it, it didn't turn out that he missed something and summoned some ancient shit so now the whole world is in danger (as it happens with villains in movies sometimes).

(The saddest part is that the only single thing that prevented the shit from happening was immense amount of luck. mean Bruce has all kinds of gadgets for literally any situation and knows literally everything just in case. Like, it was very useful of Bruce to study ancient Egyptian just in case someone decides to use egyptian artifacts for evil stuff. And they were so f🐧king lucky the the birds weren’t hungry and didn’t try to peck their faces off while they were climbing the god damn lighthouse which is already hella dangerous even without the maniac birds trying to knock you down)

Well, what do we have so far

Even if Oswald does have some temper issues, he's capable of making some keen psychological tricks, making strategies and keep his head above water, the only thing that actually hampers him is his own pride (like in the episode with Team Penguin. He does have some leadership qualities but he turns from leader into boss quite quickly thinking of himself only)

And, importantly, he is being at some level realistic and objective realizing that none actually takes him seriously.

He understands that for most of the people he’s just a deformed and depraved man with a funny voice, who’s also a descendant of the aristocratic family which ran out of money and lost former authority.

And he uses it for his own good. He couldn't if he didn't, otherwise he'd choose way less twisted ways of behavior

He knew what would the people at the party see in him, so he could predict what behavior would cause the result he needed.

He understood Selina wouldn’t take him as a serious opponent, seeing him as a lonely slow-witted man or whatever, being sure that she can hook him as any other in such an unpretentious way she thought she would be able to make him do all the work instead of her. His awareness made her plans all exposed and clear

But all this negligence combined with his pride does hurt him though, no doubt. There’s a whole episode about it, when he occupied Bruce’s house.

He has his own reasons to envy and hate Bruce, by the way. They both are from rich families, both intelligent, strong and talented, but Bruce is more young and handsome, plus, his family business remained successful. At this point he is much more luckier than Oswald

I mean even if it gets to falling Bruse safely falls on tent and Oswald falls on the dirty ground through hell, fire and high boiling water (I don't give a shit that it had been made for the comedy matters)

Basically, the only thing Oswald is doing is trying to restore not only the family’s honor, but also his own with help of money and growth of his authority. Maybe even to show others and himself that he’s something more than just a garbage. That he's something more than he seems to be at the first sight

But as far as I can see Oswald has never been that type of poor kid with low self esteem crying in a shower with the lights off and who then starts to hide behind the wall of arrogance as he grows up. I mean right in this episode he says that his mother had always told him that he was a handsome one, so I think his parents loved him, maybe even spoiled at some point, and gave him confidence and warmth he needed.

Though well, to be fair, children are cruel, and of course they would react to the child who lookes like a victim of a crazy geneticist's experiment in a very specific way. Some would avoid him no matter what it takes, for sure some would get used to him and communicate normally, but some would mock and bully him severely. So of course he would start to protect himself

But sadly he went in wrong direction, since his confidence became arrogance and his ways became much more twisted and radical

Even as an adult he’ve chosen a really slippery slope, though. He could've chosen a different path, but (as I guess) he couldn't overcome his sense of injustice and his resentment towards people around him, who actually neglected and loathed him. So he just sank in his negative experience and sharpened himself as the lone survivalist, which made him egotistical to the point when he doesn't care about the others and can actually stumble in some situations, being sure he can't be wrong

His actions can't be justified, but they can be explained. Oswald is really very understandable character

So

There is actually no moral of the post

Just me coming to conclusion that The Batman's Oswald appears to be quite deep in the first seasons

Yes, I just wasted about 5 minutes of your life, and you can't take those back

But I can leave you with a question besides frustration

Why in the bloody hell are they holding each other?!

I mean come on

Few hours ago they revealed mutual betrayal, he almost killed her, dropped her on the froor so she couldn't run away with the thing he needed, and now they hold each other flying away on a jet-umbrella

And don’t f🐧cking tell me they do this because of the fear that if one of them falls the other will too

No f🐧cking way

Just imagine flying on the f🐧cking jet-umbrella, you will cling to it so tightly that one day you will take it into your grave with yourself because you will not be able to unclench your f🐧cking fingers after a single flight, but instead of holding the motherf🐧cking umbrella they hold each other

So is it a weird joke or a very thick hint?

Who knows

#the batman 2004 #batman 2004 #the batman #screenshot #batman #comics #dc comics #dc #dc penguin #batman penguin #the penguin #oswald chesterfield cobblepot #oswald cobblepot #batman catwoman #dc catwoman #selina kyle #longpost #shitpost #the batman penguin

[krajtaz]

i wanna know abt the horrible girl i love drama and being mean

WELL it's less drama more her being an incompetent person and a piece of shit but um ✌️ buckle down if u rly wanna listen. watch the tags though, it's a lot and im definitely oversharing, ❤️

so let's call her emma for the sake of sense. me and my current best friend (let's call her... leah) used to be really good friends like last year. that's good to know.

her offenses include:

treating me & leah horribly

making jokes about a really traumatic experience leah went through

treating us like we weren't allowed to talk to other people

playing the victim through it all

veganism 💔

ok so last year we were all friends. all was fine. emma started acting out in around.. october last year? yeah i think. it started off as her just being... moody. a lot. i didn't mind at first because im also a cunt so whatever right. i thought she was going through a rough patch so i let it slide. (she was going thru stuff but i'll talk about that later)

then she just gradually became worse and worse to be around. rude, dismissive to anything that wasn't about her, constantly making jokes about suicide (when she knew leah was recovering from an attempt), making leah buy her food, and making both me and leah feel like shit by constantly telling us we should "really do something about our faces" (when her skin had only cleared up a month prior). the last one seems like a minor offense but it made me hate her ♡

me and leah stopped talking to her as often as we used to, because i honestly didn't wanna deal with her. WELL. emma decided we weren't allowed to do that, and got mad at us every time we didn't wait for her after class or???? sat in different places during lunch??? she was so horrible and manipulative all the time it was genuinely so much just going to school when u knew she was gonna do all this shit.

she would often accuse me of her own goddamn behavior (for example that i was the one making people feel bad about their skin), say i'm horrible to be around and a bad friend, lash out at harmless jokes (like swinging scissors at me for mentioning i'm two months older than her), call leah fat behind her back (and then mention this during PE class and how she should work out more (leah is a fucking athlete???)).

me and leah pretty much cut her off as much as we could. the issue was that she sat with us in pretty much every class (we have desks for 3 people and she sat in the middle). made school horrible for leah.

then quarantine hit. and it was radio silence until like. mid-april. nothing from her not even on my bday. i thought we were finally fucking done with her but then she sent leah a MILE LONG message. not kidding. wrote a fucking essay. jesus.

it was a miserable attempt at an apology during which she??? described how hard it was for her to be respectful towards leah regarding her suicide attempt, said she was "fed up with life" and needed to express it somehow (im guessing the suicide jokes? wow), said that her bodyshaming leah was done out of genuine concern and her own insecurities (which is what she was going through like i said way in the beginning. that, and like. a mild case of depression. which she coped with by taking it out on us ❤️). ended the message with a "i hope we can still be friends". which like. LMAO. but that was her apology for leah.

mine was like. SIGNIFICANTLY shorter. actually, Leah's was ±10 paragraphs and mine was 6 lines in its entirety. which fits because she swore leah was her best friend and i was a tagalong the whole time💞 did wonders for my sense of friendship with anyone

leah responded to her apology and i just sort of. read it and deleted the convo after a week because i was 💖 a coward . ❤️

yeah but that's the backstory & the heaviest shit. now, she somehow thinks we're still friends and used to demand i help her with school back before quarantine²... lmao... she seemed to be less shitty after the break so i wasn't actively homicidal near her but yeah i still didn't wanna fucking interact every day

now, on top of all this she is a vegan of the highest degree in mind only. meaning she'll eat eggs and bacon but conduct a passionate speech about how im not eating healthy, how leah is fat when ??? shes an athlete and clearly the healthiest of us???, how my parents who are beekeepers are abusing animals, and other shit like this so she's just, the most annoying and rage-inducing person to be around.

now im just complaining about her but she also made pe class unbearable for me. i told her multiple times that volleyball was hard for me to play bcs all my joints are fucked up. she???? said that im making it up and continued to coerce the teacher into making us play volleyball..... 🚶🚶

i could complain about her for DAYS holy shit. MAN.

#so. wow #again this wasn't clearly about me and more about leah. so im fine rly. but gods holy fuck #she just presses all my buttons literally. now she's acting like shes a timid christian girl :) no harm done :) wanna be a nurse :) #DIEEEEE #sorry for making this so long someone sympathize with me please #asks #/ #suicide #bodyshaming #fatphobia #food mention #ferris don't look #quarantine #chronophobia #animal abuse #just mentioned though #these tags sound horrible but im just looking out for yall #sorry for all of this im trying to forget this all happened 💞 #luna tag! #man..... #if you read this please dw about me none of this was about me from emmas POV