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infinitefandomimagines · 3 years

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Scarred - Zuko x Reader

WARNINGS: ARGUING, BURN SCARS, ANGST

REQUEST: zuko x reader where the reader is the last one to forgive zuko at the western air temple bc he accidentally hurt her in the crystal catacombs and than zuko goes to her tent, begging for forgiveness and she shows him the scar he gave her and it’s super fluffy:33

"Y/N. . . what do you say?" All eyes landed on you, waiting for your response to Aang's question. However, there was only one pair of eyes in particular you glared back at; and if looks could kill, the recently renounced Fire Nation prince in front of you would've surely met his demise right then. But Zuko knew how to hold himself in front of those who wanted to intimidate him. If there was anything his father taught him, it was that much.

Despite your fiery stare and previous threats from the first time he pleaded for forgiveness that you'd "knock him on his ass" if he ever came near you again, he kept his composure. There was no doubt in his mind you'd stay true to that warning, which is why he made sure to keep enough distance between the two of you.

There was a hopeful gleam in his eyes, so far Aang, Sokka, Katara, and Toph had agreed to let him join the team, albeit some more hesitantly than others. If everyone else found it in their hearts to forgive and forget, surely you could as well. Wrong.

"No."

You saw the last bit of hope fizzle from his eyes as defeat weighed down on him, causing his shoulders to sink and his head to drop. "I know you don't trust me, I don't blame you. I've done horrible things, hurt you and your friends-"

"You can't even begin to imagine the amount of pain you've caused me!" Your words held a venomous sting, yet your tone was strained, calm almost.

"Y/N," Katara stepped up behind you, her voice was soft. You could barely feel the hand she'd placed on your left shoulder, thick and itchy bandages blocking her attempt at comfort. "I don't like it either, but Aang needs to learn fire bending."

"I really believe he's changed, give him a chance to-"

You cut Aang off, finally breaking your gaze from Zuko to face the young monk. "He's already had too many chances!"

No one could admit that you were wrong, not even Zuko. Because every time he'd faught against your little group of rag-tag heroes, you'd given him a chance. Even while the rest of team avatar faught the exiled prince, you never threw a single blow that wasn't defensive or to save your friends. Instead, you'd offer him a chance to join the right side. Of course, he never accepted, but you saw the benefits of your kindness when he'd began to show a sense of mercy against you. There was something in your head telling you he was more than just a villain.

But that mindset changed when you and the gang faught against him and his sister in the crystal catacombs. When Aang almost died. When he chose the Fire Nation's side. When he'd made sure to leave you a permanent reminder of that day.

After a few moments of tense silence, you let out an impatience scoff. "Leave, Zuko. I gave you my answer, the least you can do is respect it."

Reluctantly, he nodded, mumbling out an apology before turning on his heels. He only got in a few steps before Aang interjected.

"Zuko, stop."

He did, glancing over his shoulder, ready to hear what Aang had to say.

"I'm sorry, Y/N, but Zuko is staying. I need need to learn fire bending and he's my only option. I really believe he's changed for the better."

"You don't have to forgive him, but Aang's right, we need him," Sokka added in, to which Toph agreed.

You took in their words, it was obvious they weren't up for debate. You hated that they were right, you all did need Zuko, no matter your current opinion on him.

"Fine," you sighed, looking at Zuko, who was now standing awkwardly with his hands behind his back. "But stay away from me."

Over the next few days, Zuko had somehow managed to gain the complete and utter trust of everyone, even Katara. Everyone except you. Then again, you hadn't had your "life changing field trip with Zuko" that made everyone seemingly forget about everything he'd ever done to them. Field trip or not, earning your trust wasn't going to be that easy. You didn't care how many times he made everybody tea and told cringey jokes.

"Where did you learn to make so many different types of tea?" Aang inquired, causing everyone to look at Zuko, wanting to hear his answer.

Zuko returned to his seat around the fire between Toph and Aang, finally finished handing out small cups of tea. "My uncle, it's his favorite thing to make, he even owned a tea shop at one point."

"You mean the one you betrayed," you deadpanned coldly. You flicked your eyes up from the warm cup of tea in your hands to Zuko, wanting to see his reaction.

His smile faultered, and katara shot a disapproving look at you. For a second you felt guilty, maybe that was too far. He looked genuinely hurt by your comment, but soon another emotion took over his features. You could see it in the way he clenched his jaw and sat up straighter.

"Yeah. That one." His tone was one of poorly restrained bitterness, you'd definitely struck a nerve.

You hummed in response, refusing to break eye contact with him, like you were challenging him to say something equally as cold, but he didn't take the bait. Instead, he took a deep breath, just like his uncle taught him.

"I don't get it," He asked, frustrated and fed up with your snarky comments and side eyes. "Everyone else trusts me, why can't you?"

"You really have to ask?"

Katara could feel the tension and awkwardness of the impending argument hanging over everyone. This wasn't the time nor place to be having this conversation.

"I think now would be a good time for another healing session," she interjected, giving you a look that informed you she wasn't exactly asking. With a frustrated huff, you stood up and made your way to your tent, not even waiting for Katara to follow.

You plopped down onto your sleeping bag, sitting with your left side towards the opening.

Katara was there in a few minutes, holding a medium sized bowl of water in her hands. She gently set it down on the ground, taking a seat on your sleeping bag as well, facing your left side.

You tugged your left sleeve down so you could free it. With your shoulder now exposed, she carefully removed the bandages that covered your shoulder and the side of your neck, revealing the red and scarred skin hidden underneath.

"How does it look?" You asked, attempting to ignore the itchy feeling of the fresh air hitting your wound.

"It's healing, slowly" she answered as she conjured the water from the bowl and molded it with her hands. She purified the liquid, causing it it glow. Slowly, she lowered it until the cool water molded over your injured skin. You clenched your teeth and whimpered at the sudden sting the contact made, but then Katara started making circular motions with her hands, beginning the healing process. The stinging pain soon morphed into a comforting cold and relieving sensation.

Katara had done this for you and Aang multiple times since the gang escaped from that wretched crystal catacomb. As much progress as your skin had made in healing, you couldn't seem to wipe the painful memories of how you'd recieved such a wound from your mind. You could remember the events so vividly it was as if they'd happened yesterday.

You were stalling, Zuko and Azula knew that, yet they didn't seem to mind. If anything, Azula enjoyed watching you struggle to give your friends more time. You needed to stall them long enough for Aang to fully enter the avatar state, that's all.

"Come on, Zuko, you know what needs to be done!" Azula coaxed.

"No! You still have a chance Zuko, you can still make this right!" You could see the conflict rising in him as you and Azula tugged at his morals.

There was a moment, a single second where his emotions betrayed him, where you could see how badly he wanted to go with you and the gang. But it was gone just as fast as it came.

"I will kill the avatar and restore my honor, as well as my rightful place beside my father!" He launched into action, sending overpowering blows your way.

He kept you distracted and unable to help your friends long enough for Azula to strike down Aang. Your head snapped towards Katara's screams and you saw him laying there, completely unconscious.

You were distracted, and Zuko impulsively took advantage, sending a blast of orange and red flames towards you.

In all honesty, he expected you to dodge it, you always did without fail. But this time you were too distracted, too concerned with Aang, and he caught you completely off guard. You didn't even realize you were being attacked until the flames painfully scorched your skin.

You let out a horrifying scream as you crumbled to your knees, your shaky hand hovering over your left shoulder as you tried to control your instinct to grab it, knowing it would only hurt worse. You clenched your teeth together, biting back tears as you whipped your head around go see Zuko.

He looked shocked, remorseful even, but that didn't stop anger from edging its way into your glare.

You shuddered at the memory and tried to shake it from your head completely.

"You're all done," Katara said, maneuvering the water back into the bowl. A dull ache returned to your wound, but it felt significantly better than before.

"Thanks, Katara," you mumbled.

"Do you need help rewrapping the bandages?"

You shook your head, preferring to be alone and do the difficult task by yourself. Katara seemed to understand, because she didn't push the issue like she usually would. Instead, she left you with a few words.

"What you said was too far tonight, you should really apologize to Zuko, he is trying you know?"

She didn't wait for a response, not that you planned on giving much of one anyway, but soon you were alone, relishing in the peaceful silence.

But your silence didn't last long, just a few minutes after Katara left there was a whispering voice just outside your tent. It was unmistakable who'd come to visit you, and with great reluctance did you let him in.

"What do you want?" you asked, annoyance filling your voice. You refused to make eye contact with the boy, opting to stare at the mess of tangled bandages in your hands.

Your question was met with silence, that only seemed to worsen your mood. Really? He invades your tent just to ignore your one question? This guy was just unbelievable!

You could feel yourself loosing your temperature once again. "I said, what do you-" Your head snapped up at Zuko, ready to tell him off. But you froze when you saw his gaze, and how it held your figure. His jaw was slack, and his eyes swam as tears pooled at his lash-line. But his eyes never met yours. No, his focus was completely on the uncovered scar that graced your left side.

Your shoulder had taken most of the impact, just shy of being completely colored with a dull red scar. But the wound didn't stop there, covering a decent portion of your shoulder blade. The red marking also stretched up in a jagged stripe, narrowing to a point on the side of your neck, just barely marking your cheek.

You hated how you shuddered under his gaze, and had to look away. Your fingers moving faster as your tried to unravel the tangled bandage. You wanted to cover the burned area as soon as possible.

"I- I did that." It wasn't a question. He spoke purely in matter-of-fact statements, he knew exactly where you'd received your mark from.

"Yeah." You said sharply, picking up the bandage and moving to re-wrap the large wound.

"I . . . I am so sorry-"

"You've said."

Re-wrapping the affected area was proving to be more difficult than you'd thought, especially in your heightened state or frustration. Usually Katara did this part, and you were starting to regret sending her away.

"Please, let me help you," Zuko pleaded, reaching a shaky hand out to grasp at the bandage in your grip. You immediately flinched away from him, the sudden movement sending a sharp pain through your left side.

"Stay away from me!" You bit at him.

Zuko immediately pulled his hand back from you, as if he'd burned you unintentionally for a second time. "I'm sorry," he impulsively spilled out.

"Would you stop saying that? Stop apologizing, nothing is going to make me- ow!" Your own pain cut your sentence short, the sharp pain returning, sending another shock wave up your side at your frustrated movements.

"I'm so- just, please, let me help you and then I'll leave you alone, I promise."

You took a moment to think about the offer, and as much as you didn't want his help, the promise for him to leave is what enticed you to agree. So reluctantly, you handed him the bandages and positioned yourself closer to him, allowing Zuko to access your wound and wrap it with ease.

With slow movements, Zuko began wrapping the burned area. His touch was suprisingly gentle, even more so than Katara's, something you hadn't thought possible. But even with his feather-like touch, your skin still twitched as his fingers and the bandages made contact with the more sensitive areas. Zuko muttered out small apologies each time you flinched, despite your earlier message to stop that. Though the skin had begun the early stages of scarring, it was still sensitive.

"Uh, d-did I ever tell you how I got my scar?" Zuko asked suddenly, not even bothering to look up from his task. You knew what he was doing, he'd been doing things like that since he got here, trying to make small talk with you to cover up the awkward tension. You usually never entertained it, but for some reason tonight you felt intrigued by his question.

"No." You answered shortly, trying your best not to show your growing interest. You'd always been curious about the scar.

"My father gave it to me," he stated, oddly calmly. It was almost mindless the way he told the story as he continued to carefully wrap up your injury. Like the memory had become second nature to tell.

"Oh," you whispered out softly, your mind buzzing with a million different ways to respond to him, yet none of them felt right.

"I spoke out of turn during a meeting, over a general. They wanted to sacrifice an entire division of fire nation soldiers to gain the advantage. But I-," He swallowed thickly. ". . . I thought that was wrong so I spoke up."

You nodded ever so slightly, letting out a soft hum, showing that you were still listening and waiting for him to continue. At this point Zuko had finished wrapping the bandages around your burn, allowing you to turn your body to face him fully.

"My father was furious with my disrepect towards the general. He said that the dispute would need to be resolved with an agni kai, and I accepted. And when the day came I thought I'd be fighting the general I interrupted, but then my father walked out, my agni kai was to be against him."

With each word you felt your heart grow heavier and ache for the boy you swore you hated. You were beginning to question whether you genuinely hated him or if what you truly felt was left over betrayal and anger.

"How old were you?" You finally asked the question that had been bouncing around your head since he began the story.

"Thirteen, not long before I was banished."

You felt yourself boil with anger, but for once it wasn't directed towards the boy in front of you. No, you were furious with the Fire Lord. Who could do that to someone? To a child. Zuko must not have noticed the way your jaw clenched and your fists tightened into balls, because he continued the story as if he hadn't just made your heart drop into your stomach with his answer.

"I didn't want to fight my father, I couldn't. But he took my refusal as another sign of disrespect. I begged for his forgiveness, but he wouldn't hear it. He claimed that I would learn my lesson through suffering. He raised his hand just in front of my face and then he-"

His voice caught in his throat with a crack as he visibly grimaced from the sheer memory of the event. Instinctively, you reached out for his hand, placing yours over top of his much larger one. Now it was his turn to flinch at the sudden contact.

"Zuko, it's okay, you don't have to tell me this, I understand-"

"No! I do! I need you to understand that I never meant to hurt you! I need you to know that the last thing I wanted was for you to feel the same pain I did. After what my father did, I never wanted to inflict that on anyone. I knew that pain and yet I still hurt you . . . the one person who actually believed I could change!"

His hands flew into the air as his frustrated yells of regret were lost to the silent night. He then exasperatedly brought his arms back down and dropped his head into the palms of his hands. His body shook as he took in deep breaths, trying his best not to shed any tears. He was just so frustrated with himself.

"I thought you would dodge it," His muffled whimpers poured out. "You always dodged it."

It was then that you realized how cold you'd been to the boy. You were so caught up in your own hurt and anger, only concerned with making him feel as horrible as you had with your hurtful words. Not once had you considered that he was already kicking himself ten times harder for the pain he'd caused you. He really hadn't meant to hurt you.

And that's when you did something unexpected. In an impulsive attempt to comfort him, you threw your arms around his neck, pulling him in to a hug. His breath hitched, obviously shocked by the gesture, his body going stiff.

"I understand now, I forgive you, Zuko."

At those seven words he melted into your embrace, returning it as he wrapped his arms around your figure. His chin now rested on top of your good shoulder, as he was being extra cautious as to not press on your burns.

"And I'm sorry, for what I said about you and your uncle. He'd be proud of you."

His grip on you tighten, mumbling out a 'thank you,' in the process, finally feeling as though he could fully begin healing from all the wrong he'd done.

TAGLIST: @theepartygetsmewetter

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thefanbasewhore · 3 years

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Retirement.

Summary: Blood is something Bucky has grown used to but when he's covered in yours, he's sick. Don't worry, happy ending!!

Warning/Content: almost death, getting shot in the head, Bucky cries but finally gets everything he deserves 😅

Paring: Bucky Barnes x female reader

Bucky Barnes tag list and master list

"Buck -" The rasp comes from the piece in his ear, he barely hears it as bullets that wiz past the surface of his head and bounce off the ground. He's out of breath, gasping as he find shelter behind an abandoned car, pressing the piece closer.

"What is it? Did you get in?" He pauses, "We need those files."

"Buck, he has a gun, he has me. Compromised." His heart is already unsteady and those words only make it beat faster. A pit forming in his stomach instead, he hears a male voice in the background.

"Who has a gun?" The silence makes his brows crease, heart drop as his voice cracks. "Answer me!"

"He wants to know where you are and what files you want." Bucky let's out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding at the sound of your voice.

"Tell him, give him the drive." There's no hesitation in his voice. There nothing in this world he wouldn't do to save you, nothing else mattered. Not the mission and definitely not the data.

But you know this, he's hard headed but instead of listening to Bucky you decide to test the waters. Looking up at the man which isn't hard, he has you on your knees, hands out in front of you but a gun inches from your head. "He said fuck off, if you shoot me you'll never know."

"What are you doing? Give him the drive, now." The growl that emphasizes the last word would usually be enough to have you shaking, but you don't give. Despite how rough he sounds, he tries to soften it "That's an order, give it to him sweetheart."

"Oh, he said fuck off again."

Bucky body runs hot, adrenaline pumping through his veins, warming his entire body as makes a b-line for the building you disappeared into a short while ago. "Give him the fucking drive."

It's useless, he hears rustling and talking but nothing he can understand but that's until he hears you talk to fast he can barely understand. "Office, we are in the first office second floor."

It's music to his ears, a second of relief but he feels dizzy as the found of a gun going off through the comlink almost paralyzes him.

"Fuck!" He yells, as he calls your name repetitively but there is no answer.

Nothing can stop him, he's running so fast he can barely register. It's all a blur, up the stairs through the main office until the stench of blood greets him.

There you are, lifeless and surrounded by your own blood.

His hands grasp gently grasping your head, blood seeping through his gapped fingers as good heart drops. "No..no." he mumbles to himself, managing to turn you over. It's hard to breath, he can't even think, see over the tears that blue his vision. A large lump forming in his mouth, it seals his throat.

There's too much blood to see anything, it soaks your scalp and mats into the hair around it. His fingers blindly look around for an exit wound but nothing is there, instead his focus falls to the rise and fall of your chest, still breathing.

Eyelashes flicker again cheekbones, disoriented and confused as Bucky let's out a sign of relief while you crunch your nose together in pain. He takes a second, just one to lay his head on top of yours and thank anything - anyone.

"Where does it hurt? I can't see, your bleeding too much baby.." Bucky watches as your eyes flicker from his steel blues and your hand reaches up to run a knuckle again his jaw, feeling the course fine hairs there. "Hey, listen to me, where does it hurt?"

Following the path of your shaky fingers he lets out a sigh of relief, the bullet managed to just graze the side of your head. The spot is hot under his trembling plam, beginning to scab and the hair is ripped away but he feels so thankful in that moment.

"He missed." It's not funny but both of you can't help but laugh as your sense of mind is returning. Hues of yellow and blue already forming under both of your eyes, no doubt from the head trauma.Bucky feels one of your hands push against his chest which he responds by tightening his core.

"Get off, I'm fine."

The look he gives you is filled with annoyance, eyes widening as if he can't believe the words that came out of your mouth, especially since his pants are wet and sticky seeing he is actually kneeling in a pool of blood.

"Are you crazy? You will bleed out." Bucky is quick to rip a piece of material from a nearby blanket, wrapping it tightly around your head but keeps pressure with his palm. "You need to get stitched up before you bleed out."

"I'm fine." Trying to push him away again but the look he gives is warning enough so you don't fight him as one arm slip underneath your knees, and then other supports your head against his chest.

"Scared me." Is all he manages to mumble as he starts his ascend towards stairs, a small kiss pressed against the uninjured part of your head. It's gentle, filled with so many words as his lips linger there, more so to reinsure that the skin is warm, full of color and lively. "Don't ever do that again, please."

"Bucky I couldn't just give it to them." Something is placed into his coat pocket while you tap it with a small smile. Hooded eyes weak, threatening to close with every passing second. "So I didn't, it's safe, the morons didn't even bother to search me."

Great, the mission is still ago but he's frowning. "I don't care about the mission. I care about you risking your life for some file, you disobeyed my orders I told you to give it to them and to tell them. If that bullet was an inch closer you would have died."

Silence feel over the pair, nothing else to be said because Bucky was right. The agreement was Bucky was in charge, in order for you to come everything would be up to him, especially because you weren't supposed to be there in the first place.

"I'm sorry, Buck." Guilt creeping over, pressing a small kiss to the underside of his jaw. Small tears beginning to blur vision but you're not sure if it's from the look of disappointed and fear that line his handsome features or that fact that you were that close to death and blood is soaking threw the make shift bandage and trailing down the side of your head. "I should have listened."

"I need a medic." Bucky brings his wrist to his lips before laying his cheek against the top of your own. The heavy, swish of air from the helicopter does little to him, he still stands confident and strong as he speaks.

"Don't cry, doll. I'm not mad, I promise." He pauses but you can feel his hands trembling, heart pounding inside of his chest. "Just scared, I'm covered in your blood and i hate it."

***

He was right, from head to toe, smeared across his face and dying his hands pink even after scrubbing them effortlessly in the shower does little to get it off. The smell of your blood is still fresh, enough to crinkle his nose with distaste. Every time he looks down it's a reminder that he almost lost you.

When he enters the bedroom with a towel around his waist you look up, head still spinning but now the wound is stitched up, white bandages knotted behind your head. After the initial shock left your system you notice the side affects, right below where the bullet grazed, your right ear is ringing. You can hear anything and honestly, the doctors couldn't give a definite answer if it will ever come back.

"How your head, did the medicine start working yet?" Bucky asks, throwing on a pair on underwear and doesn't bother with anything else.

With a defeat huff you shake your head, squeezing your eyes shut as the bright light of the bathroom hurts. Bucky notices and shuts it off before curling up into the bed, legs entangling with your own as he presses a soft kiss against your neck.

A few more soft ones pressed against your cheeks, the warmth gathering the few tears that slip from your eyes. A hand runs through the soft strands of the involved side of your head, a soft hum of comfort vibrates against it. "Shhhh, it's going to be okay sweetheart."

As the underside of his hand comes back up to comfort you the pink hue catches his attention once again and a frown fills his features.

"I don't want to say this..." his words are rushed and desperate but he can't keep it in any longer. "Every time I close my eyes I see you there, in your own blood. I can't shake the feeling of your blood oozing through my fingers."

Bucky is never one to hold his partner back and to be honest he thinks you're one of the best agents he's ever met, skilled and smart but none of that will matter if you are dead. "I don't want you going on active missions anymore."

"You don't get to decide that." You argue, he fears the worse as your head moves from his hand, no longer seeking the comfort. "You can't do that."

"I need piece of mind, you're the only person I have left." He argues. The bright moon creates just enough light to illuminate one side of your face through the window. Eyes are black and blue and red shot, a popped vessel on the corner of your right eyes almost swells it shit. They're also puffy, no doubt from the wound and all the crying. In pain, agonizing pain, who knew getting shot in the head would give you such a bad headache? His soft hands find you again, pulling you close and gently for you face him.

One hand slides over the skin of the back of your arm, squeezing the muscle there as he presses an experimental kiss against your lips in fear you'll pull away. You couldn't if you tried, pull away that is. The smell of his soap overrides any other sense, his skin is soft and warm, his lips gentle as he strokes your hairline, pushing the hair away from your forehead. "I didn't say you have to stop, just be more careful about it, no more active missions but you can go after, make the arrests, still get in on the action."

"So let everyone else do the hard work while I sit on the sidelines? That not who I am."

"Please." He sounds desperate, blue eyes roaming over the soft features of your face, the wrinkle of irritation pinching lines between your forehead, the curve of your nose to the fullness of your lips. Beautiful, breathtaking, he's never loved something so much before. The fact that you're still laying next to him, breathing makes him want to cry.

So he does, unwanted tears fall in a messy, zig-zagged pattern as he hiccups. A soft, small hand finds his head, the buzz cut smooth under finger-tips.

"Bucky, baby.."

"I have lost everyone. My parents, my friends... Steve. I don't want to loose you either." A sound so sad, choked up and stuttering jumps his chest as he cries into your neck.

It's long over due, he refuses to speak about it. The last year of his life as been challenging to say the least, he's trying to adapt but struggling. Coming to terms of what he's done over the last 70 years but also learning how to love again, how to become human again.

Steve still haunts his dreams, his best friend, the man who saved him from Hydra, from everything is now gone. The one person who has been constant, his backbone but now he's finding that in you and honestly, his heart cant take much more.

"It's alright Buck, I'm not leaving you. I promise, I'm right here." It doesn't help, his heart his burning, chest crushing under the pressure of tears. The ball of emotion and growing and growing in the back of his throat, making it hard to speak. "You can't leave me.. you can't."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm okay."

"You're not okay, you can barely keep your eyes open. You have a gun shot wound in the side of your head! I felt it, your blood stains my hands. It's all I can smell. I thought you were dead... I can't take it."

What If he didn't miss? If Bucky had found you lifeless and cold?

"It's okay." You rub soothing circles to the middle of back, letting him cry it out. He needs it, he needs to talk about his problems, grow from them.

"What If we both stop?" Bucky's words silence you, "No more missions, we find a home, settle down. Just me and you."

The thought had crossed your mind more than once, a peaceful place to call your own with the man you love. Who knows what would happen? There's no doubt the pair of you would be bored out of your minds but can also gets jobs to fill the void, teach self defense classes.. start a family.

The thought alone makes your heart pound, so filled with love. "I want a normal life.. it's all I ever wanted. I can't imagine it with anyone else but I also need you safe. We can...." He's hesitant, not sure if they're the right words. "We can get married, get a home.. leave all this behind."

It's all so much, his words mix with the ache in the side of your skull but you don't need to think twice. The promise of Bucky forever is impossible to pass up on. "Yes."

"Yes to what?" Bucky's breathing is normal now, a few stray tears soaking your skin but his chest doesn't move. Like he's not breathing because he'll miss the words you say.

"All of it, to being your wife, to starting a normal life with you." After everything Bucky has been through, it's the least he deserves and you're going to give it to him. As his smile grows against your skin, you're breathless. Heart beating rapidly against his own and you swear you fall in love all over again.

#bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fluff #bucky x you #bucky barnes #bucky x y/n #bucky imagine #buckysam #sebastian stan #bucky angst #james bucky barnes #james bucky buchanan barnes

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frattsparty · 3 years

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My Heart Needed You Part 16

An: I’m dumb and posted 17 before this so two in one night ✌️

Warning: language, we’re all sad and struggling.

Tag list: @bellisperennis0 @withmyteeth @lexondeck @redpoodlern @nessamc @chibsytelford @thegirlwhowritesfics

The drive was long and by the time you got in it was late afternoon, Venus had you go straight to her house. When you puked into the driveway you let out a small sigh of relief as noticing that Tigs bike isn’t here. Quickly you unbuckle and all but jog to the door, and before you could knock Venus swings it open and pulls you into her arms. Your whole body begins to shake. “Shh baby, it’s okay, you’re safe here.” She’s rubbing your back trying to calm you.

You stay in her embrace a little longer before pulling away, she immediately goes to wipe your tears away, “What happened Hailey Girl?” Using the sweet nickname that only Tig called you. “Oh my gosh, baby, your arms are bruised. Who did this?”

“He found out what happened, it was a huge blow up,” your tears start again.

“He was mad at the truth?” Venus looked shocked.

You shook your head, “No, we all got detained by this fed who I knew because of SAMCRO. I ruined a case he had that would have brought down the club, the IRA and the cartel, he’s held a grudge ever since apparently.” Taking a deep breath, “He had documents made up saying I got an abortion and then had pictures of me and Jose…” you couldn’t hold the sob in any longer.

She held you tightly moving so the two of you were sitting on the couch. Your body was exhausted, the lack of sleep, the drive, the crying, you couldn’t keep it together any longer.

“I’m just so tired of carrying this, of feeling shame and guilt.” You sobbed.

“I know baby, and you don’t have to feel like that,” she’s gently running her hand through your hair. “You did nothing wrong, you were hurt, don’t ever feel like you are the problem.”

Once you’ve calmed down you gave her a full rundown of what happened, keeping your eyes focused on your hands to get through it.

“Hailey, my sweet girl, look at me,” she places her hands on the side of your face pulling you up to look at her. “Baby, you haven’t done anything wrong, he’s beating himself up for not being there, for thinking the worst of you, and for how he treated you today. But you have not done anything wrong.”

You nod your head wanting to believe her. “The things he said,” sniffling you clear your throat. “That hurt more than any beating I could get, for him to say that about me.”

“I know, and I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I do think the two of you need to have a serious talk.” She grabs your hands, “You have gotten to let one burden off of your heart, don’t carry another.”

“That’s not all,” you whisper, scared to even say this next part out loud. Giving you a reassuring nod Venus takes your hand seeing that you are struggling. “I..I’m pregnant.”

“What? Hailey,” she moves, wrapping you in a big hug, “How do you feel about it?”

“Well I was honestly happy about it when I found out two days ago, I didn’t tell him yet because I wanted to tell him in person.” Letting out a shaky breath, “now I don’t know.” Sniffling, you wipe the stray tear with your sleeve, “I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

The two of you talk for hours, for most of it she sits back and listens, but she provides sound advice. Encouraging you to take a few days to get yourself in order and talk to Nestor, but she also said he needs to come to me. Begging for your forgiveness, because a lady shouldn’t beg a man to be in her life.

That night Venus decided to have the guys over for dinner, she could tell you needed to be surrounded by your people. The two of you were working in the kitchen and you couldn’t help to think about all the dinners you had helped Gemma with.

“I think we are done, Hailey, so we’re all ready for the boys.” She’s wiping her hands clean and takes the final plate to the table. Just as she sets it down the door opens and the loud voices of your favorite men enter the houses

You can’t help the huge smile on your face as they walk in and the pure shock on their faces when they see you.

“Hailey Girl!” Tig is the first to squeeze you tightly. Then Happy, always quiet but holding you too tight, not that you’ll complain to him.

Chibs comes up, and you can see the worry in his eyes. He’s always good at reading people, especially you, “Hey darlin’, you okay?” He’s giving you a tight squeeze, all you can do is nod knowing if you speak you might crumble in his arms.

“It’s not like you to show up unannounced and not come to Scoops, you sure you’re alright?”

Giving him a weak smile, “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Alright everyone let's eat!” Venus announces saving you from this conversation.

Once dinner is done Tig and Happy go in the kitchen to clean up, Venus runs a tight ship here forcing the boys to help.

“Come for a walk with me, Hailey.” You look up and Chibs has his hand out to pull you off the couch.

The two of you walk along the neighborhood, it’s quiet and peaceful - and thankfully cooler than Santo Padre!

“So what happened? I can see the marks on your arms, your eyes are swollen and red, you've clearly been crying.” He scoots closer to you giving you a light nudge.

“I was engaged before I came here, he was deployed and when he was away I was assaulted by a family friend…” sniffling you wrap your arms around yourself. “I got pregnant, he beat me until I lost the baby, then threatened me that if I said anything he would kill my family. So I ran.”

Protectively Chibs wraps his arm around you and you continue. “I never told Nestor what happened, but when I came home we tried reconnecting. He found out what happened, but the story he was given was a lie. He was angry and he didn’t hold back obviously.”

“I told him the truth and he tried to apologize and I was so angry, hurt, sad that I left and ended up here.”

“Oh my girl, I’m so sorry,” he pulls you tightly to his side.

“I should have just told him the truth from the start but I was so scared, Chibs.”

“Don’t blame yourself, you were trying to protect everyone and yourself. I’m sure deep down he knows that, he’s just hurting and he probably hates himself right now.”

You nod, silence falls as the two of you continue your walk back to the house. Before going in he grabs your hand and pulls you to sit on the step. Pulling out a cigarette from his kutte.

“Hailey, you aren’t my child, but I love you like my own, and I hate seeing you hurting like this. Jackie wanted you to find happiness, that's why I supported you leaving.”

“I know, and honestly, I have been so happy.” Your voice broke as tears made their way down your cheeks. You pulled your legs up and wrapped your arms around your knees, chin resting on them.

“You still love him after last night?” He asks as you stare into the night sky.

“With everything I have, Chibs.” You turn so you can see him, “I’ve loved him my whole life, I’ve been planning my life with him since I was 15. I can’t imagine it with anyone else.”

“Has he ever been violent with you before like that?” His voice is full of concern.

“He never even raised his voice at me until after I left, he wanted to know why I left and I refused to tell him. He’s never laid a hand on me ever, nor would he under normal circumstances I know that for a fact.” And you did, you knew that Nestor would never hurt you.

“Can you forgive him for last night? Because Hailey, you may love him but if you hold on to this anger that you feel you’ll never give him a fair chance to be better.”

“I don’t know, Chibs, what he said was hurtful..” you trail off lost in your head, truly you can’t imagine a life without him but you aren’t sure if you can let those words go either.

“Have you thought about how hurtful it was in that moment for him to see that and think one thing, and then have an even bigger bomb dropped. One that I assume hurt deeply for him because he loves you and didn’t protect you?”

Letting out a large sigh you turn to look at him, “no.”

“Hailey, if I would be given those photos that would be my first reaction. And then to find out my love was assaulted and attacked, I would crumble. I would never feel worthy of you again.”

A single tear trails down your face, “I love him so much, and I’m hurting right now, but some of the hurt is thinking that I won’t have him in my life.”

“You need to give yourself some grace, get a good night's sleep tonight, let your body rest. But you do need to talk to him, but you make him earn you.” He squeezes your hand and let’s silence fall.

After a few minutes you speak up, “Do you think anyone will think less of me if they know the truth about Jose? Or if they know I will go back to Nes after what he did?”

“Who gives a fuck what anyone thinks.” Moving he gets in front of you and kneels so you’re eye level “No matter what your past is, you are smart, the smartest person I know, you’re loyal, determined, drop dead gorgeous.” Giggling, you give him a nudge. “That’s who you are, that’s Hailey Teller. The girl who will fight tooth and nail for her family, for those she loves. You aren’t what Jose did to you. As far as Nestor is concerned, from what you’ve told me I know you still love him, and if I had to guess he loves you. What you decide to do is for you and your future, I’ll support you either way. Fuck anyone who makes you feel bad.”

“I don’t want to see you in a relationship where you aren’t loved and cherished, Hailey. But you look like someone who just lost everything.” He pauses taking your hands.

“If you love him and you can forgive him for this, then you be with him. You be with someone who makes you happy, makes you feel safe, someone who makes you feel complete. Someone you can depend on to love and support you through all of life.”

“You’re pretty smart for a motorcycle enthusiast, Chibs.” His laugh fills the porch and causes you to giggle.

“I am more than that, love.” He pats your knee and moves to sit next to you again.

“You are so much more than that, I love you, Filip. Thank you for being the dad I’ve needed these past 6 years.”

“I love you too kid, more than you’ll ever know.” Wrapping his arm around you he pulls you to lean on his shoulder. “You can always depend on me, I’ll be in your corner. Always.”

***

That night as you lay awake in bed your phone went off, illuminating the dark room. It was a text from Miguel.

Miguel: I’m so sorry, Hailey. If I would have known I would have helped you...I’m sorry I let you down…Nestor was ready to come storming to Charming tonight but I made him stay. I’m only going to be able to keep him from you for so long though.

You: Thank you. I want to see and talk to him, but I just don’t know if I’m ready.

Miguel: I know I’m asking a lot of you but I need to have a meeting with the MC and Adalita, and I can’t do it without you.

Leaving him on read, you put your phone down, trying to decide if you want to go back. But being around Nestor will be so hard and seeing Devante again knowing everyone knows makes you nervous.

Me: Miguel, I don’t know if I can come back…but I’m willing to meet with Nestor. But he has to come here where I feel safe and then I’ll decide.

Miguel: Thank you!

Letting out a deep breath you roll over and try to sleep again, however, sleep avoided you, instead you laid there staring at the ceiling willing your body to rest. Tossing and turning most of the night only getting short stints of sleep, none of the peaceful.

As the sun comes up you are startled awake by loud voices. You silently shuffled to the door and opened it slightly and we’re shocked to hear Nestor and Venus going head-to-head.

***

Nestor’s POV

“She said she’s willing to talk to you so she can decide if she wants to come back.” Miguel looks up at you from his phone. “Don’t fuck this up, Nestor, she’s not taking you back right away but at least get her back home to us.”

“Did she say anything else?” The fear you’re feeling, the worry of never getting her back, it’s all consuming, but the regret you have for what you said, for not protecting her, that will be with you for the rest of your life. “I can’t lose her again, Mikey,” your voice broke. “I can’t live without her.”

“I know brother, I know, we’ll get her back here and then you’ve gotta be the you she knows you are the one who loves her more than life itself.” Giving your shoulder a supportive squeeze, he moves to leave the office. “Bring our girl home.”

***

The drive to Charming was long with just your thoughts running wild, what if she refuses to come back with you? You couldn’t survive the loss of her again, it would kill you.

Turning on to the street you tracked her to you spot her car in one of the driveways. Deciding to take a second to catch your breath and get your thoughts in order you park two houses down.

“Don't screw this up Nestor, you need her, don’t be stupid.” You mumbled to yourself.

As ready for this as you’ll ever be you get out of your car, adjusting your shirt and taking one more breath before walking towards the door. Unsure of what was going to greet you on the other side.

You quickly knock, and shove your hands in your pockets, the nerves were mourning.

“You must be the man that hurt my Hailey Girl.” The woman standing in front of you is clearly a force to be reckoned with, and your nerves are multiplying. Before you could react she pulled her hand back and stepped you clear across the face. “I’m sure you’re here to talk to her, beg at her feet for forgiveness, but before I let you see her we’re gonna have a chat ourselves.”

“Who the fuck are you?” You're trying to keep your cool, but who does she think she is.

“I’m asking questions here, but I’m Venus, Hailey and my husband are extremely close as she is with all of the SAMCRO men. She’s like my daughter here, I love her like one and I’ll defend her like one.” She crosses her arms over her chest.

“For a man who swears he loves her, you have a shitty way of showing it. That girl has been through more than you even know, she stayed away from her parents so she didn’t have to cross your path, kept silent about what happened so you wouldn’t get yourself killed. And how do you treat here? You scream at her, push her around, disrespect her, you did that!”

“I know, and I regret it all.” You intersect, but Venus isn’t done with you yet.

“And you should! She suffered at the hands of two men, and then was abandoned and hated by the man she loved. You should feel bad and I hope you're hurting right now because she is. And you deserve to hurt. You sure as hell don’t deserve that girl in there.”

“Look, I know what I’ve done, I'm not trying to deny anything. Let me talk to her.” Pushing back on the attack she’s aimed at you.

“Do you know what you’ve done? Do you understand the magnitude of all of this?” It’s like she is staring right through you and trying to break down your walls.

“Just let me talk to her!” Your anger is boiling.

“Didn’t want to talk to her when she was trying to tell you the truth did you? She was begging you to listen and all you did was berate her.” She scoffs, “And yet, she still loves you. Her heart is breaking at the thought of not having you in her life.” Pushing past you she closes the door and sits at the little table on her porch. “Sit down.”

“I know you love her, I can see it and I could feel it when she told us about you when we all got together for the birthday party.” Her face has softened towards you, but you knew she wasn’t done with you. “She deserves the world, and I think you know that and from what she told me the younger you was ready to give it.”

Smirking you nod your head, “She deserves the world and more, without her…I don’t know if I would have even made it through high school. She was one of the only people in my corner and I didn’t realize until she left how much she did for me.”

“If you could go back and talk to that version of you what would you tell him?” Her question is genuine.

“I would tell him to appreciate everything she did, appreciate who she was and to talk to her about my plans, don’t block her out. Value her like she deserved.”

She lets out a sigh, “Do you still love her? Like truly love her? Want to be with her, have a family with her, wake up next to her each morning?”

“I love her more than anything, I can’t imagine my life without her in it.” A tear slips out, but you don’t even try to stop it, not now. “I felt so incomplete without her, then getting her back, it was like I could breathe again. I’ve only ever envisioned my future with her, with our babies, I won’t be able to live without her.” Your tears keep coming, the brokenness is all consuming. “I’m just so sorry that I made her feel so unloved, I know I don’t deserve her but I love her with everything I have.”

Grabbing your hand, Venus speaks again, softer and more loving than before. “Then you need to say all of this to her baby, because she’s hurting, feels so unlovable, but she still loves you with her whole heart.”

“I’ll go see if she wants to come down,” making her way to the door she turns to you, “If you hurt her again, these SAMCRO men will kill you, especially Chibs. He loves her with every fiber of himself. So I suggest you only go through with this if you’re all in and willing to work to get her back.”

A few minutes passed and you were feeling like she may not come down to see you, but before you got lost in those thoughts the door opened. She looks so small, sad, broken, and the guilt bubbles up even more.

“Hey,” her voice was so quiet you could barely hear her, she’s avoiding eye contact. Her usual confidence is gone, in its place was a girl so unsure of herself. A sight you’ve never seen with her.

“Hey, Hails.” Standing, you signal for her to sit down with you, “I was hoping we could talk.”

“Honestly, Nestor I don’t really want to talk right now, I have…a lot of feelings and thoughts that I can’t…” you can see her thinking of the right words, “that I can’t express right now. I know Miguel needs me and I want to go home, but I’m afraid to go back.” She whispers that last part, causing you to furrow your eyebrows.

“Why are you afraid to be there? Nobody will hurt you there.” You reach for her fiddling hands trying to calm her nervous tick, but she quickly pulls her hands away from you. “Are you afraid of me?”

She shakes her head, “Not you, or Miguel.”

“Then who, Hails?” You are racking your brain trying to think of who she could be scared of, and then it hits you. “Devante?”

Her eyes met yours for the first time since she came out, and she simply nodded her head. Not saying a word.

“Did he hurt you too?”

“He got me to Mexico, told me that Jose needed me, had one of the guys get me, watched Jose do what he did…” a stray tear rolls down her face and she sucks in a ragged breath clearly trying to hold the emotion in. “He put me in a room that night and the next morning brought me to him again, let him…you know again and took the pictures. He threatened me that if I told anyone he would kill them, you, my parents, anyone.”

“What?” Your anger is boiling and you are doing everything you can to keep it in check.

“I was so afraid, Nestor, I told Niko and begged him not to say anything. I wanted to tell you but I knew if you knew or my dad, that you would end up dead and I couldn’t live with that.” Her hands were shaking and sobs wracked her body. Moving quickly you wrap her in a hug, she’s so tense and you don’t feel her relax like she usually would in your arms.

“I won’t let him near you, Hailey. I swear to you, I’ll protect you.” Pulling away so you can look at her, “I’m going to call Miguel, if you really don’t want to come back I understand and I’ll make him understand.”

She looks up at you, “Do you promise that I won’t be left alone with him? Or have to see him?”

“I will be with you, or Miguel, I won’t let him near you alone, I promise you.”

Nodding, “I’ll go back.” She whispers and you aren't sure if she is just saying that to please you and Miguel, or if she really feels safe going back.

Taking a hold of her chin you pull her face up to look at you. “Hails, only come back if you feel safe, don't do this to make us happy.”

“I am trusting you to not let him near me.” She sounds more confident, “If I feel uncomfortable I’ll go to my parents.”

“Do you promise to tell me if you’re uncomfortable or don’t feel safe so I can help you?” You look at her seriously, ensuring she knows you aren’t joking.

She simply nods.

“I’m going to call Miguel then, let him know what’s going on, and you can get your things together.” You told her as you began dialing Miguel’s number.

“Well I didn’t really get the chance to bring anything with me so I just have my purse and car, so when you’re ready I guess I am too.” Shrugging, she goes inside.

You can’t help feeling guilty for that too, knowing she had a bag packed and you ripped it from her. All you can think is how you have to do better for her.

You're lost in thought and don’t even realize Miguel has answered your call, “Nestor!”

“Mikey, we’ve got a problem.” You let out a large sigh, “Devante knew everything that happened, he is the one who made her come to Mexico, who took the photos, he threatened her.”

The line was silent, you know that means Miguel is planning, “Does she want to come back?”

“I don’t think I would say she wants to, but she’s going to. I promised she wouldn’t be around him alone, and we would be there.” Trying to reign in your emotions, “She’s so broken, Miguel.”

“Bring her home, we’ll take care of her, and him. If she’s not comfortable here, take her to your house. You’re in charge of her protection.”

“Got it, we’ll get on the road once she’s ready.”

Waiting on the porch you turn quickly when the door opens, but instead of Hailey it’s Venus, “she’ll be out in a second, don’t worry. I just wanted a few minutes with you.”

“When you take her back there you better take care of her, don’t you let anything happen to our girl. Because these men love her like their own. If she’s hurt again, it will kill all of us. You have to protect her, and if you’re going to love her give her the love she actually deserves.” She ends her speech wiping a tear from her cheek.

“I will, I promise.”

#nestor oceteva #mayans mc #nestor oceteva x hailey teller #nestor oceteva x oc #nestor oceteva imagine #mayans mc imagines #mayans mc fic #Mayans mc imagine #mayans fic #mayans fanfic #Mayans mc fx #venus van dam #tig trager #chibs telford

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dilfbane · 3 years

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It Gets Better(A Silky Pearl)

Summary: It’s been a long time since things have gotten this bad. Loki, returned from his latest mission, lets you know that, with help and support, you can overcome the worst of things, and makes sure you know that he’ll be there with you to get you through it, each and every day.

Pairing: Loki/Female Reader

Warnings: Reader in this fic struggles with eating disorders. Thoughts and feelings related to these(specifically to anorexia and bulimia), are made throughout the fic, especially those that, in my personal experience, people with these disorders experience. I cannot stress enough that this will be discussed/referenced/talked about, sometimes explicitly(Though not graphically) and sometimes implicitly, so please be aware of that and know that it’s OK to take care of yourself and skip this one if that would be triggering to you!

Word Count: 3.1k

A/N: I want to preface this by saying that there are a LOT of people, both here and on AO3, who have made some amazing Loki/reader oneshots where the reader is struggling with mental health and/or physical health issues, that really provide a sense of warmth and fluff and support to people who may be going through those things themselves, and I’ve taken a lot of comfort in those fics over the course of the pandemic(I’ll be shouting out a couple of them in the tags!). I want to acknowledge that these exist, and that they’re awesome and have partly inspired my own writing, before talking about this little project I’m embarking on.

Because, while I have gotten a lot of comfort out of many of those pieces of writing, there are definitely some things which I feel like aren’t talked about as much in pieces like these which I have gone through, and which a lot of other people have gone/are going through, and…. I figured that maybe I could take a crack at trying to provide that hit of fluff for people dealing with those things, if I can, and hopefully use my own experience with them to do it in as respecful and accurate a way as possible.

All that being said, the first oneshot in this little project is going to be dealing with a pretty heavy subject, that being eating disorders. The reader in this fic does struggle with eating disorders - specifically anorexia and bulimia. I will not be actively describing anything too graphic about these disorders in this fic, except to highlight through implication and some sparse details that this is what’s happening here, as well as show some of the inner thought processes of the reader, but there definitely is enough in here to show that that’s what’s going on, so if anyone would be triggered by that, please take care of yourselves and give this one a pass! Also, I will further disclaim that there are many types of eating disorders, and everyone’s experience with them is different. In this oneshot, I wrote based off what I know to have been true during the time in my life when I struggled with the same conditions, and I really tried to make the fluff and support as kind and encouraging as I possibly could. If for ANY REASON there’s something that I did badly at, or something that’s disrespectful, anyone reading this may feel more than free to let me know and I’ll do my best to fix it! I don’t want this fic to be a place where anyone feels hurt or disrespected, that isn’t my intention at all, and if I make a mistake in that regard for any reason whatsoever, I would really appreciate knowing so that I can correct it!

Anyways, after that extremely lengthy A/N, just… please know, if you’re going through something like this, that you’re not alone, that help does exist and is out there, and that you are seen and heard. And take this Loki fluff, because honestly, there can never be too much of that in the world!

You know that he worries about you. Even before his latest, three-week mission, you know that he worried about you. In the mornings, as you pour your coffee, you watch him watch you with careful nonchalance, gaze boring into the back of your head, slight furrow creasing his eyebrows, frown pulling small at his lips. He dresses early, because he wakes early; it is a battle, most mornings, for you to get out of bed. And so what, if you take your coffee with more creamer than is necessarily normal - it has to last you a long time, this coffee. You need the sugar of it, to get you to that clean pain. It is sharper, more real, than any scalpel, any knife that Loki keeps concealed by his armor; all that fine Asgardian leather, green and supple and him. It gives you back the control that you lack. Lets you be the person that you would be.

It’s not that you’re afraid of your body, but you are ashamed by it; cannot fathom, even now with his gaze on you, that Loki could love somebody so dreadfully overweight.

Today, though - Today, you had thought, you had hoped, that it might be different. You don’t know why you have that hope, but it brims up in you; a physical need, a visible yearning, for you to be enough for once. Someone that Loki can stand to look at. Someone that Loki can love. He is looking at you now like he’s seeing you for the first time, and you flinch from the frown that creases his piercing gaze, unable to bear how it roves up the planes of your body; silhoutted in the light coming in through the window, you can feel each ounce of fat that stretches over your sinew, cartilage. (You know that Loki hates your body - He traces it sometimes like he’s probing you, trying to find where your bones are. You wish that you could call him on it, and know that you never could).

You stand at the counter, and turn from him; rummage in the cabinet for your coffee mug with shaking fingers; you almost feel like they’re rubber. Blue and cold, like his Jotun skin, but you know that it isn’t enough. Pins and needles prick at them - you can almost convince yourself that it’s only your guilt and shame, but you cannot hide from the pain suffusing Loki’s voice when he speaks.

“Darling,” He says, on a shaky breath, “We need to talk about this.”

“I know -” You tell him - you know that you can’t run from this, anymore. He knows how you look, how nothing you do is fixing it. And now, he’s going to leave you. “I know, Loki - I tried, Loki, I’m so sorry -“

The agony that wells up in you threatens to overwhelm your ability to speak, and you feel your knees buckle the second before you fall. Your kneecaps slam against the cupboard underneath the sink, your head hitting the edge of the counter as you slide down hard to the floor. It hurts. But every part of your body hurts, these days. It’s as constant as your worthlessness. And something else, too -

He is there, on the floor with you, in less time than it takes place to blink, pulling you hard and desperate into his arms; you don’t understand why, and you try to wrench yourself from him, sobs bubbling up and spilling out from your tightly shut eyes. You can feel the bruises starting to form on you, a lump throbbing at your temple.

“Love,” He is saying, “Y/N, sweetheart, come back to me. Come back to me, darling, please.” He is stroking your hair; you feel his fingers at its strands, thin and brittle. God, you think, how pathetic you are - you can’t even keep yourself pretty for him, for this god and all the sacrifices that he’s made. You cry harder, unable to stop your own wailing. When you finally do, you’re exhausted - it takes everything out of you.

“Loki,” You say, on a wretched whine, “I’m so cold.”

“Hush,” He says, “You’re alright. You’ll be warm soon - We’ll sort it, darling, I promise.”

You don’t know how to tell him that it isn’t something you can sort, but somehow you know, deep in your heart, that Loki understands. Still, his voice is so sweet, and the shudders that wrack you begin to halt in the steady hold of his embrace; the tender brush of his fingers over your skin. You feel like you can look at him, now, so you do it, sucking your bottom lip into your teeth to steel yourself for the cruel things you’re certain he’ll start with. But Loki’s gaze isn’t angry at you, not full of fury or disgust. They sparkle with unshed tears and concern, emerald in the daylight. It takes you a moment too long to realize all that pain, all that worry, is for you; when you do, though, you flinch away. Feel Loki’s fingers drop from your hairline to your cheek, then your chin, tilting your head up so that you can’t run and hide.

“I’m losing you, love,” Loki says. His voice is low, and steeped in sorrow. It is his turn to look down, with guilt and shame, and you feel a pang blossom, raw and red, in your heart. He sighs, and straightens his shoulders. He is filled with some new resolution, some new determination you can’t wince away from.

“I need to know,” Loki tells you, “How long this has been going on. I need to - I need you to tell me why, love. I can’t bear to see you like this.”

“I can’t,” You say, blinking back a fresh torrent of tears, “Tell you why. It’s not - I can’t - I don’t know.”

But you know, and Loki does, too. It’s the god of lies, holding you - of course he can tell that you’re lying. It is something other, and runs deep, this bone-y reluctance. A complex game of mental gymnastics. How could you ever tell Loki about the control that it gives you, the desperation with which you used all your calorie-counting and aching restraint to regain the love that you lost? The nights bent over toilet bowls; the way that, sometimes, you empty stomach made you dig your nails hard into your palms ’til they bled, to stop yourself from crying out at the pain. And he loves you - the part of you that craves his affection, that yearns to burrow fast and fierce into Loki’s embrace and spill all your secrets to him, makes sure to remind you of that.

“Y/N,” Says Loki, soft and tender, yet infused with a note so harsh that you would wince, if you could. “You can tell me anything. You need to.”

You notice things, now, in the face of his determination. You notice that Loki is looking at you like he’s in physical pain, and that there’s something sticky and red on the pads of the fingers that brushed up against your head.

“I’m bleeding,” You say. It comes out soft, horrified.

The frown that creases Loki’s face would bring you to your knees, if you weren’t there already.

“It’s just - a thing that I do,” You tell him, too ashamed to look at his face as you reveal it. “You don’t have to worry about it.”

“That’s not enough for me, love.”

Loki’s lips are pursed tight, and the wound in his eyes has hardened to steel. The you part of your body - the fleeing part, the one who knows how to survive - seizes its’ chance and you duck out of his embrace, with far more strength than you had possessed in what felt like, potentially, years. Scrambles, backwards, like a cornered animal, over the tile floor, before heaving itself up to standing. It faces Loki, and its’ breath comes in stabbing-sharp. It is hard to remember that you have to call it ‘myself’. You feel older than you were, yesterday, and you cannot, quite, get air to come into your lungs. That’s not enough for me, you hear your lover say, ringing in your ears like a hyena’s howl.

You’re not enough for me, love. Your fingers spasm, clutching the sides of the kitchen table white-knuckled. You wonder, fleetingly, what Loki would do if you died. The thought makes you cry out in pain, a whimper ripping out from a throat rubbed fingernail-raw, but Loki does not move to stand.

“Come back to me,” He tells you, spiked with sorrow and need. And, perhaps for the first time, you admit it - to yourself, as much as to him.

“I don’t - I don’t think I know how.”

He smiles the smiole of someone who’s seen his own pain, faced his own lashing demons, and you pause to take him in fully, this god who says that he loves you, the man he is trying to be. You catch on hixs eyes, those bright emerald coins, his hair like the feathers of crows. His high, pale cheekbones, and his silver-tongue cut like glass. The pads of his fingertips, slender and cold, tender and fierce on your skin or the hilt of a dagger. You breathe in the smell of him, parchment and iron; peppermint tea and the smoke from a lorn, crimson fire. Wet leaves, after a rain. You feel your resolve start to waver.

“Well,” He says, all thoughtful, all trickster, “Sitting down, I believe, would be a good place to begin.”

The teasing lilt of his voice - an act that he is putting on, and all for you, always for you - cajoles you, coaxing you to lever your elbows and slide back down onto the floor, your weary legs feeling unimaginably grateful. Loki shoots you a new smile now, light and proud. He beckons you, with a cock of his head and a slim, fond gesture, to him - Of a sudden, the tiles beneath you seem like a desert, an ocean. You feel the weight of your emptiness. It laughs at you, its’ white teeth filed and barred. In your head, your failure is heavy; a hot and cackling creature with seven-foot claws pressing down on your chest, restricting your matchstick limbs. You are lost to the unyielding insistence of it, trapped in the maw of its cage, and Loki’s words, when they come, sound as far away as the shores of a country ancient and foreign.

“I was hardly gone,” He is saying, but you cannot answer him. “How could it have gotten this bad?”

It is that - that sadness, that fear in your lover - that breaks you, and you take the thing at a clumsy, terror-steeped sprint, not caring how wretched you look, so long as you can reach him - So long, you finally let yourself think, as there is something left of you for Loki to hold in his arms. Your body hurts worse than anything. You feel every scrape and bruise and chill on it; the pins and knives working at oxygen-starved nerves, and the gnawing clamp of your hunger, a brand pressing into your gut; and you know that Loki can’t save you. But maybe, just maybe, you can find some way to save yourself. And his fingers are there, going up to your hair, thumb rubbing at a hollow cheek and catching the salty dirge of an errant tear.

“It gets better, you know,” Loki tells you. He gets you onto his lap; you feel his heartbeat under your palms where you clutch tightly at his shirt to hold yourself up. A steady, thrumming proof that he is alive. And when he says it, you get the sense that, somehow, you’ve always know it, this whispered secret he’s weaving into your soul. “If you get proper help for it. If you want it to.”

He speaks casually, but there is a weight to his words. Miraculously - you’re not quite so sure how - you find yourself able to meet them.

“I want it to,” You tell him. “I didn’t, before - “ And here his eyes widen, and he shakes his head like you’ve shot him - “But I do. I want to -“

“Alright, love,” He tells you, running a soothing hand down over your side, past the hard planes of your collarbone, “Alright. It’s okay. You’re such a strong person- It’s going to be hard, for awhile, but I know that you can get through this. I’ll be right here with you, darling. Right here, by your side.”

“You will?” You ask him, voice cracking, hardly daring to hope that despite all this, he would stay. He chuckles, sadly, as if your thinking it hurts him, and he is deadly serious when he tells you,

“Y/N, of course I will.”

Somehow, though he’s the god of lies, you don’t doubt his words for an instant. You nod, and the nodding takes effort. Yet you are certain he understands what you mean.

“So,” Says Loki, “Can you - Tell me about this?”

You have to think, for a minute. Can you tell Loki about this? You know that he’s telling the truth, that he isn’t going to leave you. Still, you’ve never been this vulnerable with him before, not even in bed, and the fear in you won’t be put to rest so easily. You shake in his hold, and realize, with a frigid shock, how you must look to him - how badly you are hurting him, and how badly you’re hurting yourself, by keeping your feelings inside yourself and leaving your body to rot. You know, now, that Loki will help you through this - that he will be there, kind touches skirting the bad days; warm, mischevious smirks smoothing the wrinkles of your persistent self-doubts. There was a time when you needed to do this - there will, probably, still be days when you feel like you need to do this, to get a firm hold over your life, and keep the jackals at bay. There are other words to keep yourself safe, though. Loki’s breath in the dark is more home to you than anything you’ve ever had, and his open waiting, here in the daylight, makes you brave enough to speak.

“Maybe… Over lunch?” You offer. You bite your lip and hold out the query, a silky pearl in your hand. For one moment, Loki seems to consider; after all, he is the trickster, and a man not given to acting rashly, or stripping the drama from his complicated schemes. If this is a scheme, you think that you might forgive him - Later, when his lips are on your frame, when you’re there with him, again. His lips twitch into a grin so affectionate and proud that you know- you know - that if you seek proper care and really want to get better, you’ll get through the days that feel like walking on broken glass. You’ve done so much for me, that grin tells you. Let me do this for you.

He reaches out, and takes the pearl. You hardly recognize the man who rained hell down on New York, who snorts and jabs with sarcasm at every word that comes out of Iron Man’s mouth.

“Breakfast?” He counters, shooting a pointed glance at the microwave clock. It is a dare and a promise - a challenge, but never a trick. It tastes like honey on your tongue.

“Fine,” You say, “But you’ll have to cook.” Some kind of joy is creeping its way into you. Your voice, you find, barely trembles.

“Midgardians,” Lok says, with an eye-roll - a friendly, loving glint in his eyes that refuses to fade. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those people who burns water.” The joke prods your tender, new understanding, reassures you that he is still Loki; that he isn’t going to treat you differently, like a child, just because you’re suffering. The smile comes full onto you, and you wriggle, stretching your arms over your head and yawning, exaggerated for effect to add to the banter.

“I never said that I couldn’t cook,” You tell Loki, “Just wanted you to do it.”

“Mm,” He says, “And what will you be doing, then, while I cook?”

You chew at your lip, and choose to answer before your nerves make you panic.

“Finding the right words,” You admit, laying the truth bare to him.

His hands are wending through your hair now, and his lips are unberarably gentle on yours. He tastes like embers and ink. That sweet, slightly metalic tang that you’ve come to associate with his magic; cinnamon, tinged with steel. He kisses you for a second or two, before pulling away, but you could live in those seconds - Unfold it, like a blanket, and let the care of it warm your thin, freezing bones, if Loki weren’t here to show you that, with the right help, you can learn how to do it yourself.

“Finding the right words,” Loki muses, vaulting himself up to stand in a movement that’s unfairly graceful. “I’d much prefer yours, to be honest.”

He holds a hand out, and you take it, letting him pull you up. The floor, underneath you, feels solid. The sun is coming through the clouds, and out there in the wide world you can hear bird-song, the low, sugared sway of the breeze. There is something else there, too:

You let it wrap its tendrils around you, and you decide that it’s hope.

#loki/reader #loki/female reader #established relationship #eating disorders #mental health struggles #not me writing 3k plus words of loki helping the reader come to terms with the fact that they can recover from their eating disorders #because that's what I wanted to have when I was going through it #soft loki #i mean seriously #yeah there's angst #BUT #also just an unrepentant amount of loki fluff #he says it in the fic but i'll mention it here too:#if you're going through anything like this #know that you don't have to do it alone!#and that not only is it okay to get professional help #it's a good and positive thing that can be a very important part of recovery!#you have so much love and support in your life #because you're a beautiful amazing strong person and it's NOT YOUR FAULT that you're struggling with a mental illness #fics mentioned in the beginning as inspirations for writing this(and the next couple oneshots I have lined up) include:#The 'Loki's Lullabies' series by kaoerin on AO3 #and the 'As You Are' series by hopeless_romantic_spoonie/yespolkadot_kitty #also on AO3 #if any of you are on tumblr i'm so sorry i don't know your url's #but y'all should go show these fics love

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wing-ed-thing · 3 years

Text

Click: Finale

Synopsis: You invited everyone out to dinner. You also audibly clicked. People have opinions about this.

Word Count: 2,286

Tags/Warnings: Language, Smoking, Fem!Reader

Part I: Shikamaru, Part II: Shino, Part III: Neji, Part IV: Rock Lee , Part V: Naruto, Part VI: Kiba, FINALE, The Message in Click

Notes: I’ve been legit putting off this finale for a month. Come get y’all juice.

You could only assume that something was about to go down. What you didn’t know just quite yet was if it would be violent: truly a worrying unknown. You hoped not, but then again, Rock Lee’s insistence felt ambiguous at best. He refused to answer any of your questions. And so for the moment, the only thing that felt certain boiled down to Lee’s vice grip on your wrist as he heaved you out of your apartment. You sighed. Everything else that escaped Lee’s lips you found useless at best. With nothing else to work with but a few ramblings about youth, you didn’t bother trying to pry more than you had already.

He hardly gave you any time to prepare and you hoped that you could chalk it up to his overeager nature and not a village-wide emergency. He led you, tugging you across the village. You stumbled over your own feet as you struggled to keep up with his fast pace. He pulled you over rooftops and through busy crowds of people who quickly grew not too pleased with the pair of you as you pushed through.

“Are you not going to tell me where we’re going?” You pleaded, grasping at his wrist. You might as well have asked a rhetorical question or perhaps even not at all. Lee looked back at you for a split second with a wide grin.

“Nope!” He answered before almost crashing you into a wall. You swiveled out of the way with a shriek, still tethered to Lee, and silently thanked your shinobi reflexes. Surely, they saved you from much in this world.

When Lee finally stopped in front of your destination, it was abrupt. You probably should have expected as much, but ultimately didn’t have time to think about it as you fell onto your backside. You crashed into Lee’s lean and muscular back. And unfazed, Lee threw up his arms in show as if unveiling a grand magic trick. He shrieked to the sky above.

“We are here!” You finally shifted your attention to Shushu-ya’s storefront. You blinked, slowly and hesitantly turned to Lee whose face shone like he just won a million ryō. You picked yourself off of the ground and squinted as you brushed yourself off, wondering if there was something about Lee’s presentation that you missed.

“It’s not on fire… or destroyed,” you pointed out with more than a fair bit of skepticism in your voice. Lee glanced up at the storefront with visible confusion. He turned his attention to you and then to the storefront.

“No it is not!” he bellowed, deciding to plaster on a wide grin. Your fingers weaved together as you rocked on your heels and let out a relieved sigh.

“Lee, is this an elaborate way of inviting me out to dinner?” Lee’s features contorted into a deep worry which made you immediately concerned once again. He yelled out something incoherent before taking your wrist again. You braced yourself for news of the village’s doom.

“I completely forgot! Everyone is waiting for us!” And before you could question him, you were tugged inside. He threw open the door, once again almost hitting you in the face as he did. Too focused on your dodging, it took you a second to take in what awaited you inside of the restaurant. “Everyone! I apologize for the delay!”

You turned and couldn’t hide your surprised gaping. Shikamaru, Shino, Neji, Naruto and Sakura were all sat around a rectangular table. Neji scoffed, neatly aligning his chopsticks on his napkin with disinterest.

“About time—” He rolled his eyes— “Lee went to get you a half hour ago.” Lee tried to guide you to the table, but you remained where you stood, unmoving. Lee gave you another slight pull, but you couldn’t even look at him. You couldn’t look at any of them. You quickly excused yourself with a shaky promise of coming right back and left out the front door.

Shikamaru let out a sigh, not one of exasperation, but a sigh nonetheless. He lazily moved to stand, but Shino planted a heavy hand on his shoulder.

“I got her,” he said in his usual Aburame monotone and stood up in Shikamaru’s place. The Nara, on the other hand, sat back in his spot with the newfound relief that he wouldn’t have to get up.

You were trying to catch your breath when Shino found you outside. You hugged your arms to your chest and faced Shino with your posture small. He stood a comfortable distance away, ever-unimposing. Shino buried his hands in his pockets, his back straight but shoulders slouched.

“It’s not a joke is it?” you asked. Shino frowned, slightly perplexed by your question.

“When have you known me to be in on jokes?” You pursed your lips, bobbing your head slightly. You kept nodding and cleared your throat. Your knee bent as you mirrored Shino’s posture, though a bit more nervously.

“It’s not out of pity, then, is it? For me? Because I don’t wanna be here if people are just here out of pity.” Shino took in a deep, discrete breath.

“This group of people wanted to have a meal with friends. Why would that be about you?” You hummed, casting your gaze away from him, flustered. You opened your mouth before shutting it again. Shino waited patiently for your response. He had always been blunt like a wood hammer and to some extent, Shino knew that. After all, he usually didn’t know how to navigate moments such as these. But he would try. “No. If there was a joke, it would be new to me. I was invited to dine with my friends and nothing more.”

“You really think of me as a friend?”

“I could ask you the same. I thought that we’ve been friends for a while.” Shino didn’t hesitate in his response. You stared up into his dark glasses, blinking.

“Yes, of course, Shino. We always have been. I guess I’m just shocked, that’s all. With everything, I mean.” Shino gave a slight nod, but nothing more. He had never been one for outward expression of emotion and he wasn’t about to start now.

“If you’re uncomfortable you don’t have to stay. I can walk you home if that’s what you’d feel better doing.”

You took a moment to think and Shino once again waited patiently. You sat on the ground next to the building. Shino took a step forward and motioned to the space next to you with his palm. You gave him a nod and he sat. The two of you gazed out at the village. Even in its most populated parts, Konoha looked exceptionally beautiful in the summer. Plantlife grew all around you and you wondered if Shino admired it as much as you did.

You didn’t think for long. You didn’t have to before you went to stand. Shino got up quicker than you and lent you a hand. You turned towards the entrance with him at your side and shook your head.

“No, this is nice. Sorry, a lot’s gone on recently. I think I’m just overthinking, you know?” You looked up at Shino but he didn’t look down at you.

“Well?” he asked simply, “Isn’t there something you should be doing then? Everyone’s waiting inside to order.” You perked up, moving to scurry inside but Shino grabbed you gently by both arms as he blocked your path to the door. He lowered himself, but with a frown. “What? I thought you always carried it with you.” The thought dawned on you as his large hands shrunk away.

You reached into your pocket and fiddle with your clicker. Shino looked at you expectantly. And with a single click, Shino ushed you inside.

A second round of drinks were already on the table by the time you took your place in between Shino and Shikamaru. Despite still being a bit uneasy, as you glanced around the table, you couldn’t help but feel a certain amount of warmth beginning to grow in your chest. Naruto and Lee turned to you, mischief shining in their eyes.

“We’re gonna order the whole menu, right?” Naruto looked at you expectantly, holding up the laminated menu like a holy prize. You let yourself laugh, nose crinkling up as you nodded.

“Of course!”

***

You seemed happy. Or at least that’s what Shikamaru thought. The appetizers kept coming and the more you ate the more you spoke. Shikamaru wondered if this is what it would have been like if anyone came with you the week before. As much as he’d like to think so, he knew that if he bothered to ask, you both would come to the same conclusion. By far, this was nicer.

A few figures walked past outside. Shikamaru’s irises drifted to the corner of his eye as he glanced out the window where his gaze fell onto Kiba. Ino, Choji, Sai, and Hinata encompassed the group that crowded around the Inuzuka, but even though chatter surrounded him, his eyes locked with Shikamaru’s through the glass. Their passage past Shushu-ya felt slowed in time. Shikamaru slowly rose from his seat. You tugged at his sleeve.

“You’re not leaving are you, Shikamaru?” A small, hopeful smile clung onto your lips, oblivious to the world outside of your little table. You stared up at him with bright eyes. Shikamaru leaned over, his breath ghosting the shell of your ear as you laughed with the others. You tilted your head to better hear him. He tapped a box of cigarettes on the table, his lighter tucked on top under his knuckles.

“I’ll be right back. Smoke break.” You nodded before turning back to the table, unsuspecting.

Kiba fell to the back of the group and gave a feeble excuse to allow the others to go on without him. By the time Shikamaru stepped outside, the rest of the crew had left, expecting him to catch up soon. Kiba positioned himself away from the window and Shikamaru leaned up against the side of the building. He plucked out a single cigarette before offering the box to Kiba, who shook his head and held up an open palm. Shikamaru flicked the top back on the pack before shoving them back into his pocket. He lit the rolled paper, taking a deep, audible inhale before blowing out the smoke in a line. Kiba stood by: watching, waiting. Shikamaru tilted his head up, puckered lips relaxing as the last of the smoke poured out of the side of his mouth.

“That’s a pretty nice thing you set up in there,” Shikamaru stated simply and brought his cigarette back up to his lips. Kiba sputtered as he crossed his arms.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he scoffed, turning away to glance momentarily at you through the side of the window as you dined with your friends, “And even if I did, I don’t see why you’re making such a big deal out of it.”

Shikamaru raised a brow, but said nothing as he tapped a flurry of ashes onto the ground. Kiba had always been as stubborn and defensive as he was readable. His jaw clenched and his fingers dug slightly into his bicep. Kiba nearly pouted. Shikamaru studied his friend and found guilt, but that was something that Kiba already knew so Shikamaru wouldn’t go through the trouble of pointing it out. Shikamaru took another huff.

“No one’s making a big deal out of anything.”

Kiba’s nose crinkled. With his keen sense of smell, he couldn’t hide his disgust at Shikamaru’s poorly scented habit.

“Do you have to do that right now? When we’re talking?” Kiba barked, but Shikamaru simply shrugged off the edge to his tone. Shikamaru’s head turned to Kiba as he blew his smoke directly into Kiba’s face. The Inuzuka stepped back, waving his hand around wildly in the air in an attempt to disperse the stench into the air.

“This was my excuse to come out here. To talk to you, loser.” Shikamaru expected Kiba to put up a fight, but received nothing. Too wrapped up in his own thoughts, Kiba went quiet. He leaned back against the wall like Shikamaru with his head bowed toward the ground. He tapped his foot.

“Can’t a guy do something nice for someone and not make it some big deal about love or friendship or whatever?” Shikamaru threw the butt on his cigarette on the ground and squelched it out with his shoe.

“Wow,” he mouthed as he began to head back towards the door of Shushu-ya. He laid a hand on Kiba’s shoulder as he passed by, deciding to stop for a split second. “You know, Kiba, I wasn’t exactly listening this whole time and quite frankly, I don’t care—” Kiba scowled. —“but I do know that I didn’t say anything like that and that you, maybe, need to sort out your shit. All of you do and I don’t have the time, the energy, or the care to do anything about it.” Shikamaru gave Kiba a pat where his hand rested and went back inside.

When he came in you were waiting to greet him back to the table. A small plate of dumplings sat at his spot. He couldn’t help the tiny, blushing grin that tugged at the corners of his mouth.

“About time!” you yelled, “I didn’t know how long I could fend Naruto and Lee off of your food, Shikamaru!”

Shikamaru hummed, taking his seat next to you. You clicked, but Shikamaru couldn’t help but notice that the little noise became more scarce as the night went on.

You all ate your dinner together.

Notes: I’m not too sure how much I like how this turned out but I suppose I can’t keep postponing it. Hopefully with a bit of time, when I revisit it I’ll like it more.

Thank you to everyone who stuck by this series and gave your love and support. I’d ideally not like to milk it (because I think then people would get sick of this series), but maybe if I have some good ideas I’ll make like an epilogue or something. I hope that y’all got some sort of nice message about this. Maybe in time I’ll let y’all know what spurred this series on.

Lots of love, friends.

Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed and otherwise supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

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imaginethathaikyuu · 3 years

Text

even apart

oikawa tooru x reader

tags: so much fluff its gross, established relationship, slight angst to comfort, a lot of i love yous, lots of tears, a little surprise at the end :D, slightly inspired by lover by miss taylor swift fem reader

hope u like !

word count: 1578

You’d been preparing yourself for this night for the better half of the year.

It’s never something you talked about with your boyfriend, though. Any time he brought it up, you didn’t dare converse about the difficult topic for too long. It was hard. It was scary. It would be a big change. And you didn’t want to think about it until you absolutely had to, but all that pushing away had finally caught up to you.

And right now, sitting on your balcony alone, it was all you could think about. You had left all of these feelings for right now, and you were absolutely regretting it.

Tomorrow, your boyfriend of four years would be moving to another country. Oikawa would be living in the place of his dreams, Argentina, and he’d be playing volleyball for a team he had grown to love, and he’d be leaving you behind.

For the first time in four years, you’d be without him.

His familiar, soft voice interrupted your thoughts. “I can hear your thoughts from all the way inside.”

You opened your eyes to see him walking through the sliding glass door, on his way to sit next to you on the bench.

“Sorry, I was, uh… telling Iwa bye,” he mumbled.

When he sat down, you could see his eyes were red, despite how dark it was outside. The light from inside lit his face well enough to see.

“How did that go?”

He shook his head. “It went.”

You knew he didn’t want to talk about having to leave Iwaizumi - the same way you didn’t want to talk about him leaving you - so you didn’t press on. You had to remember this was hard for him and everyone else, too - not just for you.

“Can’t I just go with you?” you asked. “I just want to be where you are.”

You heard him release a deep breath as he said, “I wanna be where you are, too.”

And you couldn’t muster a response, so you didn’t even try. Instead, you sat up and grabbed his hand, which was much larger and worn than yours. You got a good look at it, because you knew this would be your last chance for a while.

He squeezed your hand tight. “I won’t be that gone long.”

“It’ll feel like forever,” you said, knowing you were being over dramatic.

Tooru gave you a sad smile. “It’ll go by quick… and I’ll be thinking about you the whole time I’m gone. Will still be playing for you even if you won’t be at every game.”

You nodded and wiped your tears. Tooru giggled, “you’re a mess, babe.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re my mess,” he replied. “Long distance will be a piece of cake.”

You rolled your eyes but played along, “yeah, for sure.”

“I’ll be home for Christmas, and for your birthday, and every other holiday. And you’ll come to so many of my games - you get to brag about dating a pro athlete, now, isn’t that worth the time apart?”

You laughed, and thought about it. What he said was a joke, but it was true - getting to brag that your Oikawa Tooru was finally the athlete he’d always wanted to be made all of this worthwhile.

“That does make it worth it,” you replied, and he draped an arm over your shoulder to pull you against him. “As long as you don’t find anyone else. I’m sure you’ll have a fan club after the first week.”

You were kidding, and Tooru laughed, low and breathy, but there was an edge to the joke that cut through the chill in the air. It was the lump in your throat and the insecurity in your tone and the shaking of your hands giving away the fear you’d been holding onto, and Tooru caught it.

“There could never be anyone else.”

He wasn’t sure if you knew that he was scared, too. He was telling you the truth he’d known for years, and there was nothing scarier than that fact.

You were his only one.

There would never be anyone else, even if you found a better match than him - he would never love anyone, or anything, the way he loves you.

And he knows you love him, which quells the fear. You’re the most stable part of his life, really, and there’s nothing he can’t do if he’s got you on his side. He’s always known that. And he tries his best to give you the same support; to hold you up when you need him to and watch you shine in the blinding way you do. He’s going to do that even when he’s living in another country, even when it gets hard, even when neither of you are shining at all.

“You don’t even know how much I love you,” he said, and it was hard to be so honest, to say something so sickeningly sweet, but the smile his words put on your face made it worth it.

There was a choice Oikawa had to make, right there on that balcony at half past midnight, a choice he’d been facing since he caught you scrolling through pictures of dresses and rings on Pinterest - was this it? Was this the moment he’d been looking for?

It wasn’t, he thought, until you looked up at him and caught him in a shaky kiss and mumbled an, “I love you,” against trembling lips. It wasn’t, because he had a flight to catch in just a few hours, and he had suitcases lining the foyer, and he’d be gone before you could even celebrate. It wasn’t the right time, it wasn’t the right place, it wasn’t perfect enough for you and everything he’d dreamed of giving you - it wasn’t, but he was pulling that ring out of the safety of his pocket, anyway, and every perfect line was slipping his mind, and he wasn’t even convinced you’d say yes, but he was moving on impulse.

“You’re the only one,” he said, and his entire body was shaking, “I want you to be the only one forever.”

“I will be,” you replied. And then you looked down, and you saw the ring he held between two fingers, shaking like a leaf, in danger of dropping the damn thing, and he actually laughed as you sat there frozen.

“I wanna be yours forever,” he said. “Will - will you marry me? Do you think you can stand to have me around for that long?”

“Tooru,” and you were shocked, crying more than you were minutes before, and you stood up and looked down at him with wide eyes.

He’d made his choice, bit the bullet and let himself ask even though he should’ve waited. Popping the question in the middle of a sad night at your apartment was never his ideal - he always thought it’d be funny to make a show of it somewhere public - but there was something about doing this right before he left that he liked. Leaving you with this memory, giving you this dramatic evidence that he only wanted you, was the one thing he wanted to do before your lives changed.

And now, he was waiting for you to make your choice and give him your answer. Maybe he should have been more afraid, more nervous, but there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that you would say -

“Yes, Tooru, oh my god, I can’t believe this, oh my god, yes!”

You fell into his lap, arms around his neck with your knees on either side of his legs - and Tooru was rushed with relief, even though the biggest part of himself knew that your answer would be yes.

“Iwa told me you’d do this,” you mumbled, laughing.

“What?! I didn’t even tell him!”

“I think he just knew,” and you pulled back from the tight hug to look at him, wiping your cheeks only to make room for more tears.

“I didn’t even know I was going to do this,” he said. “I just - I happened to have the ring with me - I don’t know why -”

“I love you - you could have done it sooner, you know - I love you so much.”

“I love you,” he said, and he took your hand and slid the ring onto your finger, and he was in love with the sight of your pretty hand wearing such a lovely ring. “I want to get an engagement ring, too. It might be nice to have one since we’ll be apart for awhile. You should pick it out.”

“That would be cute,” and your voice was thick with tears and your eyes were swimming in their sockets as you inspected the gift he’d given you.

He wanted to tell you not to cry, but his own eyes were starting to well up, and there was no point in either of you hiding those emotions from each other. He didn’t need to be too embarrassed to cry in front of you, and he didn’t need to coddle you until your tears stopped.

It was okay to cry, and it was okay to be happy and sad, and it was okay to show it.

Because this was hard. And it probably wouldn’t get any easier. But it was worth it, you both knew that, and your love for each other wasn’t changing - that moment proved it. The ring he’d given you was a symbol for it.

“We’ll still be together forever,” he told you, holding your face and pulling you in close, “even when we’re apart.”

#yo u ever just wanna be loved or smthn #thatd be crazy. anyway #am i nervous posting this yes #oikawa tooru #oikawa x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #oikawa tooru x reader #fluff

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tamagochiie · 3 years

Text

pairing: timeskip!kenma x fem!reader

synopsis: You come home late from your cousin’s funeral, and though Kenma didn’t expect much from you but perhaps a few leftovers you’ve managed to steal away from the dinner, he finds you with a surprise: a sleeping child cradled around your neck and a teenage boy hovering behind you.

Your poor boyfriend wondering what in the hell it is you’re plotting…

tags: angst and fluff, time skip!, slight spoilers if you squint

warnings: mentions of death, mentions of depression, cursing

w/c: 2.5k

a/n: welcome to the first chapter of this series! i’m very excited to start this, and i hope everyone who reads it enjoys it as well! i got the idea from a manga i was binge reading a while back, so the themes and a few of the plot points are different, but as it progresses, i’ve made it my own.

anyway, happy christmas! see you next week!

master list

life as she’s known it >>

You notice the subtle clench of Kenma's jaw beneath the warm glow of the hallway's light. His hooded gaze strained by hours upon hours of gaming meets your wavering grin. The gears in his head are turning very slowly, and since silence has fallen upon the atmosphere of your shared apartment, you can actually hear the little squeaks as your poor boyfriend tries to fathom the sight before him.

You have quite a knack for bringing peculiar things home without permission; the little frog you adopted on the side of the road during your commute home one stormy night, the mud pie your nephew made for you that stunk the entire apartment for weeks because you didn't have the heart to throw it away—at least not immediately; and the dinner you brought home from the self-proclaimed "legitimate" kebab restaurant that resides in the sketchier side of the city.

All quirky things that Kenma had accepted and grown used to.

But this? This was so far from the bar you had set for his expectations, he can't help but wonder if you're pulling a prank, or maybe even actually committing a crime. But the glint of guilt and sorrow painting so deep into your face tells him otherwise.

Oh, how the poor gamer wishes it was a prank.

You swallow your fear, forcing it all the way down to the pit of your stomach. You've practiced all you've needed to say in the ride home, but all you can manage is stuttering, "I-I can..I can explain," in rather hushed tone.

There goes all my practice, you think to yourself.

Kenma raises a brow, still peering at you with the driest expression. The child in your arms begins to weigh heavier than the pressure placed upon your chest.

Ah, he just might break up with me after this...

"This is—uh, this one behind me is Eiji—Ejij say hi." The young boy behind you bows shyly, his greeting softer than a whisper it feels like you imagined it. "And this little one—sleeping soundly—this one's Yuki..."

Kenma blinks away at your words, face unamused. You regret not even trying to bring home some cake. Maybe if you did, he wouldn't be so...upset? Is he upset or is it just his face again? You can never really tell.

You huff, quietly jumping to the harsh conclusion this'll be the moment he ends things with you. But you won't go down without at least a little fight.

"Look," You sigh, shifting your hold beneath Yuki's tiny bum so he doesn't slip away, "They needed a place to stay, and no one was willing to take them!" Your lips fall dry and the more you speak, the more your words come out strained. "In a room full of people who—who called themselves your family for so many years fall silent the moment they needed help! No one spoke up to help them! It was so bad, Kenma! I-If you were there you—"

You bite your tongue, catching yourself before you're swept away by the current of your rage.

A deep, shaky sigh escapes him. His eyes finally tearing away from you as he cranes his head back, seemingly accepting his temporary defeat. "Let them sleep in the spare room and we'll talk after," is the only thing Kenma says to you before turning around walking away.

The constricting feeling in your chest eases and you sigh in relief. You mentally high five yourself for your momentary win before twisting your gaze over your shoulder to look at the young boy towering over you, motioning him to follow you.

You never noticed how wide the apartment actually is. Maybe its because of the emptying feeling you were left with back in the hallway, but it all seems so eerily wide. Like, what are two people doing with such a big space?

He'll definitely break up with me after this.

There's still a lingering prickly feeling in your heart; a mixed emotion of a win and a loss. You try your best to prepare yourself for whatever the outcome may be, but deep inside you're already prepared for a break up.

The young boy trails behind you all the way into the bedroom, leaving a considerable amount of space between the two of you.

You switch the lights on, revealing a room big enough for more than just two kids. A desk on the side, a king size bed at the center, and a window with a good view of the city. It was usually the room Hinata crashed whenever he came back from traveling with his team, but he hadn't been here in months. Traces of him were left in the form of dust.

"Will this be good enough for now?" You ask Eiji as you shrug Yuki's backpack to the floor before making your way over to the bed.

His head is lowered, eyes still failing to meet yours. He's been like this since you pulled them from under the gossiping gaze of your family.

Family, you think. The word seems so meaningless now.

"When someone speaks to you, you ought to look at them," You say it with a genuine smile, hoping that the little warmth you have left in your heart radiates off you and onto him.

God knows he needs it more than you.

"Y-yes, you're right. Thank you." He stammers, "I'm-I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude—"

"Hey," You say, gently cutting him off as you hold your smile. He's still as soft and shy as the day you first met him. You can't help but smile at the thought that he never changed. "I'm not mad or anything...Its just a teaching moment. Remember it."

You watch as Eiji slowly shifts his gaze away from the floor, slowly raising his head to meet your eyes."There you go. You've got pretty eyes, you shouldn't hide them."

He hums a quiet thank you before turning around and shifting his attention to his backpack. You take care of the little one still hanging onto you, pressing a kiss onto his little forehead and rubbing his back before settling him down onto the bed.

You're careful not to stir him as you slip his shoes off. You tuck him in, brushing his hair away from his face to reveal his long lashes and puffy eyes.

Ah, there goes the heaviness in your chest again; a recurring feeling for the day. You wonder when it'll end and your heart sinks even deeper when you remember Kenma waiting for you.

Hesitantly, you excuse yourself and make your way to the door. You let Eiji know where the bathroom is and tell him not to be scared to ask you for anything, "Please don't scared," is the last thing you mutter before leaving the boys to rest.

You tiptoe across the living room, down the hall and towards your shared bedroom. The wooden floorboards creak beneath your feet whispering, "You've done it now", "You've crossed the line", and "He's definitely going to yell at you".

You clench the knob of your bedroom door. The thumping of your heart deafens your ears and your throat grows too dry for you to swallow your fear.

You shut your eyes and pray to the deities, hoping for a good outcome—hoping for any outcome than the one you're expecting.

It takes a moment—five minutes to be exact—but you muster a sliver of courage to push the door open. For some odd reason, you imagined Kenma would be sitting at the edge of the bed, silently brewing in his anger. But instead, he's on the floor, knees up to his chest as he fiddles with his Switch.

And you can't tell if you're annoyed or relieved.

You shut the door behind you before joining him on the floor. You keep your head down, picking off your nail polish while you wait.

Kenma pauses his game, setting it down to the side before completely leaning against the bed, lulling his head back to take a breath. You shut your eyes and you take a deep breath when you feel him shifting in his place to face you.

Here it is. He's going to yell at me, you think.

"What are you plotting?" He asks, not a single trace of irritation found in his voice but rather sheer curiosity dripping from his words. You keep your head down and eyes shut. "You ought to look at someone when they're speaking to you," Your name rolls off his tongue playfully, covered in nothing more than love and sincerity.

You peak an eye at him, lifting your head. "You're not gonna to yell at me?"

"When have I ever yelled at you?" His face contorts in judgement and a little concern, wondering if his girlfriend's broken or just completely stupid. "Why would I yell at you now?"

"I brought home two stray kids..."

"Yes, you did," He says matter-of-factly, "and we need to talk about that. So, can we please talk about that?"

You nod slowly, bringing your knees up to your chest before turning your whole body to face him.

Kenma sinks his elbow onto the end of the bed, cupping his chin for support before he speaks, “Who are those kids and why did you bring them home?"

Kenma looks at you directly, his face emotionless, but a bit softer compared to when you were first standing in the hallway. He blinks at you, waiting patiently till you're ready to speak.

"They were my cousin's kids," You say in a strained whisper. "The—The one that died in the accident." Kenma hums in response, signaling you to keep going. "We weren't close—as you know or else you would've heard a lot more about him—but we felt close enough...given what our family's like..."

Growing up with the kind of family you had and having met everyone from your extended family was kind of like living in a block of ice that never melted; solid in their beliefs, slippery with their anger, and had no room for any other emotion.

You made this very clear to Kenma when you first started dating, especially when he had asked to meet your family. He wasn't one to socialize or even initiate it, but he would do it if it meant doing it for you. But you turned the idea down fast, warned him that there'd be no reason to have to go through all that stress just for you; and though he was just as stubborn as you, Kenma gave in and never brought it up again when he saw how upset you had gotten.

But in chest full of ice cubes, there was your cousin, Akihiro-san. Like you, he was different. He wasn't cold, but he was so genuine and real, you couldn't help but doubt his kindness.

A kindness you failed return when he needed it most. So, when you saw your moment of opportunity, you snatched it, regrettably leaving your boyfriend as an afterthought to your decision.

"I owe it to him, Kenma..." You plead in whisper. "I owe to him because he was the only one who was ever nice to me..."

"These are kids," He counters, dipping his head to meet your glossy eyes. He takes your cheek into the palm of his hand, his thumb tracing circles over your skin. "This would be different if it were a puppy or a plant—but these are living and breathing kids and we know nothing about raising kids. My love, we're only in our twenties..."

"But—"

"You should've called first." He cuts you off, his tone still soft , but firm. You’re at least grateful he’s called you your pet name. "You should've called me and asked."

"You would've said no..."

"How do you know? You never called me." There isn't resentment in Kenma's words. Its still playful and light, but you can feel his hurt and you feel dumb because you know exactly why. "I would've liked to have been included in this decision...especially since this is my home and you are my girlfriend, and you promised that we would make decisions together."

You frown, tears brimming to the surface as you realized what you've done and how you've probably made him feel.You denied him of his choice, and you were silly to believe that it was okay to go over his head and behind his back.

As you whisper a string of apologies, Kenma presses his forehead onto yours, smiling at you. He was angry at first, but not so much anymore.

"Are you going to break up with me?" You sniffle, voice breaking at the thought. "I'd understand if you wanted to break up with me...But I just—I really wanted to help them. I'm so sorry I didn't ask you first, I couldn't just leave them—"

"Shhh," His breath fans against your skin, "I'm not breaking up with you, stupid. Given, this is probably the biggest wild card you've thrown at me by far, but its not enough for me to break up with you."

You hide your face into dip of his neck, sobbing into the material of his sweater, letting go of the strength you had from holding back and stain it with your tears. You had always been reckless, but it never turned him off. He never raised his voice, he always heard you out, and even when you slipped up, he always forgave you in a heartbeat.

It makes you question if you’re deserving of such a love as this.

“I was very angry and very offended,” Kenma begins, “I didn’t like what you did. It made me feel like you couldn’t trust me, and it made me feel like you saw me as some kind of terrible person that would turn away kids that need a home...”

You shake your heard, muttering a “no” to his assumption.

Kenma runs his fingers through your hair and down to your back, soothing you until you've caught your breaths. He'll soft press his lips against the crown of your head, discreetly swiping the little sweat off his lips to keep you from being offended.

"S-So, what do we do about the kids?" Your question muffled but Kenma can hear you just fine.

He sighs, and as he's about to pull you away from his chest, you tighten your hold around his waist. "Please look at me," Your shoulders fall and you pout when you come face to face with him. He chuckles at how ridiculously childish you look, "Do you really want to do this?"

Your eyes widen, "Y-yes. I want to do this, but if you don't want—"

"Better us than anyone else, right?" You blink at him, processing. "I don't know shit about kids, but if you really want to do this, I'll support you. But you can't expect me to be good at this."

Kenma falls onto your shoulder and rests all his weight onto you, letting out a sigh. Panic envelopes his heart, his stomach flipping and churning as he stresses over all the things that's yet to come.

“We’ve been dating for four years, and I’ve just only gotten the hang of you now...” He admits in a heavy sigh.

I'm still a kid, he thinks, groaning. He's plays games all day, forgets to shower, and doesn't know how to cook either. He works from home, rarely goes out unless he needs to or if you want to. Out of the both of you, you're--surprisingly-- more put together than he is.

Can he really do this?

"Please don't expect much from me," He begs, "I don't do well with kids, and you even took in a grown one. What if it doesn't like me or if it forget to feed it?"

You chew on your lip, holding back a laugh and quietly smile to yourself. Vulnerability paints well on your boyfriend, and you wish for even more moments like this.

“I promise it’ll only be until we kind find some other arrangement for them...Something better." You’re not entirely confident in your words, but you understand the idea of having them stay with you isn’t the most sound solution.

"I suppose if we mess up, we'll mess it up together." He says in defeat, sprawling his legs open before wrapping it around you, pulling you as close to him as possible. He cradles your body tightly just as Yuki had done. "You don't understand how unbelievably lucky you are that I love you."

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band--psycho · 3 years

Text

Natasha Romanoff x Reader-I Miss You

Marvel Masterlist

Requested by my dear friend @xacatalepsyx: I know with your challenges and life in general you might be a bit busy, but I was wondering if you’ve got the time maybe you’d consider writing me a wee imagine for me…? 🥺🙏I’ve been in a marvel mood lately, and still can’t get over Nat’s death, (cause she was bloody amazing and I wont hear any less 😭), so I was hoping maybe you’d consider doing something with Nat and a reader/oc, whatever you’re up to do!I’d like it if it could be kept to the script, (I.e. Nat’s death), but the other details of the story are entirely up to you!

This is my first time writing for Natasha Romaoff so I hope you enjoy this

(Credit to the gif owner)

Third Person POV

“Hey sweetheart,” Natasha began, trying to work out what to say to the camera. It was Steve’s idea, Natasha refused to go to talk about the pain she was feeling about losing Y/n, but just like everyone else who lost someone to the snap, she was suffering. So this was Steve’s idea of helping, the only way he knew how. So he told her to make a video diary of sorts, for both her and Y/n. Part of her thought that this was a stupid idea, what was the point of her recording herself for Y/n when she’d never see it. But there was another part of her. A hopeful little spark in the assassins heart, that maybe, maybe one day Y/n would be able to see these videos. And if she didn’t, for now it was a form of therapy...for now at least.

“God I don’t even know what to say...a lot’s changed around here, I’m now working with some sort of space raccoon...that can talk,” a small chuckle laced her voice, but the sadness was buried deep in her eyes and she knew she couldn’t hide it. So she just continued to say everything that had been happening lately, how the world was adjusting to having half the population vanish, the meetings she’d had with al the leaders about it. Although she tried to stop her thoughts focusing on Y/n. Natasha had been on the run with Steve for two years, she didn’t think Y/n would want anything to do with her when she came back but as soon as they saw each other it was like nothing had changed. Y/n wasn’t mad. She didn’t shout. In fact the first thing Y/n did when she saw her, was hug her, so tight that Natasha thought she was gonna suffocate in the hug (not that she would’ve minded all that much). Natasha just wished she could’ve said goodbye before the snap happened. She was hoping the whole way back to the compound that she hadn’t been turned to dust, that she just had her phone on silent or something like that (Y/n was prone to doing things like that) but when the remaining avengers returned back to the compound, Natashas worst fear was confirmed. She just wished she could see Y/n again, even if it was for thirty seconds, just so that she could tell her how much she loved her, so she could smell the familiar vanilla scent of her perfume and hug her one last time...just one more time. But that wasn’t possible and Natasha knew that, though that didn’t stop the hopeful dreams of Y/ns return from flooding into her mind.

“I miss you, sweetheart, I really...really do,” Natasha breathed with a shaky breath, the tears now freely falling from her eyes. All she wanted to do was bring her back, even if it was just for a minute, just to tell Y/n how much she loved her. Just to hold her in her arms one more time, to hear her infectious laugh, to see her gorgeous eyes and her the smile that she fell in love with...she wanted to be able to say goodbye to Y/n but like everyone in the world who lost someone to the snap, she never got that chance.

~~~~~~

Natasha tried to hide the excitement on her face when she turned on the camera, setting it down infront of her.

“Hey, sweetheart,” She began, starting her video off the same way she’s started all the previous videos before. But this video was different than any of the other before. Natasha’s eyes looked brighter, more hopeful than any of the previous videos.

“If you ever tell Tony I said this, I will deny all knowledge but he’s a genius,” she said a chuckle lacing her voice at the end, as she continued to explain the plan they’d all come up with. A wide smile tugging at her lips as the words,“We’re gonna bring everyone back.”left her mouth.

“I’m gonna bring you back,” she whispered, her heart almost leaping out of her chest at the excitement of seeing Y/n again. For two years, Natasha had been on the run, never seeing Y/n until Thanos arrived and even then, the meeting between the pair was brief, no where near enough time for either of them to makeup for those lost year not with the war that was going on and Y/n understood that. She knew Natasha had a job to do, the plan was that once the war was over they’d make up for all the time that had been lost. The snap changed that all though but now, now the reality of getting Y/n back was starting to sink in and for the first time in five years Natasha found herself truly happy.

~~~~~~

Y/ns POV

I looked around the room, confusion racing through my brain, my eyes . I was back at the compound. I couldn’t believe it. I was back home. I never gave up hope, I knew everyone that was left behind would find a way to bring us back. I didn’t know how they were gonna do it, but they did. And now I was back. I bolted down the stairs of the compound only to be met with a mixture of confused and relieved looks.

“Y/n...?” Steve breathed, walking closer to me.

“I don’t know how you did it, but whatever you did, it worked,” I replied, before being pulled into a hug which I gladly reciprocated. I peered over his shoulder seeing all the familiar faces that I’d missed so much (and a few new faces) but the one face I longed to see, I couldn’t.

“Where’s Nat?” I asked, pulling away from the hug slightly. I saw a frown tug at the super soldiers face when I mentioned her name, and his eyes looked away from mine, purposely avoiding my gaze.

“Steve? Where’s Nat?” I asked again, the confusion and worry evident in my voice as my eyes landed on Clint who was already looking at me with a solemn look.

“Clint?” I asked as he made his way towards me. I felt the worry grow inside me when I saw his bloodshot eyes.

“I’m sorry...” He whispered as he pulled me into a tight hug, his head resting on the top of my head.

“I’m so sorry Y/n...” he whispered again; I pulled away slightly to see the tears running down his face.

“We needed to get all the stones from different times to...to attempt to bring everybody back,” Tony explained from behind us, causing my eyes to focus on him.

“But...the souls stone..it needed a sacrifice-“ Clint muttered, squeezing my shoulder softly. I didn’t need to him to finish the sentence, I knew what he was saying. His eyes said it all. And in that moment, I felt my heart break. I practically collapsed into Clint’s arms, breaking down completely at the truth that was now setting in. Natasha sacrificed herself to bring everyone back...to bring me back. She was gone, she wasn’t coming back...I was never going to see her again. I was never going to be able to tell her how much loved her..I’d got my life back but I’d lost her.

~~~~~~

I left the others downstairs so that they could discuss the next steps for their plan. I went up to the bedroom Nat and I had shared before she went on the run with Steve. I noticed a few of my old jumpers lying on the bed, I picked one up, and the aroma of Nat’s perfume filled my nose. I held it close to my chest, as I fell down to my knees, the tears streaming down my eyes, wishing that I could just bring her back.

A few moments passed and I heard a knock at the door, I didn’t answer, unable to find my voice in between the sobs. At my silence, the door opened and I saw Steve standing at the entrance.

“Steve, I’m really not in the mood-“ I began only to be cut of by the knowing look of Steve.

“To deal with people? I know, I’m not staying, I just thought I should give you this,” he explained with a sympathetic smile as he placed the camera down infront of me.

“Why?”I asked sending him a quizzical look as I lightly picked up the camera.

“Because it might help,” He said, squeezing my shoulder comfortingly before leaving the room. I looked at the camera for a few minutes, fighting myself on whether or not I should watch it or not. Tentatively I picked up the camera and clicked the play button.

I felt my heart swell as the tears spilled from eyes when I heard the voice I longed to hear say “Hey sweetheart.” She’d changed so much, yet not at all. I saw the sadness in her eyes and I wanted nothing more than to reach through the camera and hug her as tight as I possibly could.

“I miss you, sweetheart, I really...really do,” I heard her say and the words felt like a dagger to my heart.

“I miss you too, baby,” I sobbed as I pulled the camera into my chest listening to her words.

Tagging:

@barneswidow @muzzyandbusy @impala1967dwinchester @coldlilheart @amaryllis23 @wild-rose-35 @rustedbridges @tigerf-cker @mesmerisedangel

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clonewarslover55 · 3 years

Note

I'm so sorry but can I request some more Boba love? Perhaps him reuniting with his Riduur after all those years?? Maybe some sweet fluff and then them getting back to their usual activities? 😏

Headcanons or blurb, whatever you're up for!! I'm just happy to see all the Thicc Boba™ love!!

Yes!!!! I loved this request!!! Have a drabble lol

An old lover Boba Fett X GN!Reader

Notes: It isn’t exactly like that scene in chapter 14 because I tried to be creative. So don’t expect too much.

Warnings: Canon violence, sadness, fluff, mentions of smut but no smut sorry,

Have a gif because he’s hot

You worked with Din temporarily, till you could get back on your feet as a bounty hunter again. You used to be one of the best, but when Boba Fett died you went downhill very fast. Din helped you get a roof over your head after a few years of being homeless and broken hearted.

Din didn’t need to know that you used to be in a relationship with the galaxy's most famous bounty hunter.

+++++++

When the ship came in through orbit you gasped loudly, Din looking at you. “Do you know that ship?” He spoke while looking back at the kid nervously. “I-I.” You felt years and years of memories rushing back to you. Slave I was Boba’s ship. If she was here…..does that mean??

No it couldn’t be. You had his armor…...which was probably the only thing that survived the Sarlacc. But Boba Fett was hard to kill…….so maybe? You felt tears in your eyes, kriff you missed him.

Din yelled your name and you jumped, “We need to move!” You shook your head, “Watch the kid! I’ll go check it out!” You ran down the hill, pulling out your blaster. Din watched, looking nervously between you and the kid on the rock.

You froze when you saw the ship, Slave I looked the same as always. Her paint was peeling and she was older than Boba’s late father, but damn she was beautiful. Your eyes weren’t open for long when the butt of a rifle hit you in the temple.

The last thing you saw was a Storm Trooper, then everything went black.

When you woke up you were in the middle of a fucking blaster fight. Din was practically standing on you, shooting down storm troopers. You screamed and sat up, screaming even louder when you saw someone very familiar. Thankfully you were behind Din, so you didn’t get shot.

Boba Fett was fucking fighting the Storm Troopers along side Din Djarin. You scrambled to your feet, hardly registering anything but the fact that Boba was alive. He had put on the armor, and was beating the shit out of some Storm Troopers with a Tusken Raider staff.

When the last few fled Boba walked after them, watching the ships take off. Boba Fett didn’t like to leave survivors. He shot one ship, which blew up and crashed into the other. “Nice shot.” You heard Din speak, Boba’s reply nearly making you sob. “I was aiming for the other one.”

The child was gone, which broke your heart. You couldn’t really feel that pain though, the past coming back and hurting much worse. You put a hand over your mouth, tears threatening to spill.

After the Razor Crest blew up you couldn’t even feel anything else but shock.The explosion was the last thing on your mind, Boba being alive was far more important than a piece of shit ship. Din had walked to the rubble, which gave you the perfect time to talk to Fett.

You walked over, “B-Boba?” Your voice was shaky, but your past lover heard you anyway. His head whipped around and he froze for a moment, “You-.......You’re alive!” You ran to him, Boba catching you and hugging you tightly.

You cried into his cloth covered neck, “You survived.” You whispered. Boba stroked your back and sighed through his helmet. You sobbed, but you didn’t exactly know for what reason.

Din and Fennec watched, both having no idea that you and Boba were close.

You stepped back and cupped the cheeks of his helmet. Before you could pull it off he put his hands over yours, “Wait. I was in the Sarlacc for two days…..I don’t look the same.” You shrugged and rubbed some of the chipped paint off with your thumb, “Boba I don’t care. I just want to see you.”

He let you remove his helmet, and he was just as handsome as he was the day you lost him. “You’re still a handsome man Fett.” You smiled, kissing him deeply. His lips were the same as they used to be, rough and chapped but perfect.

Din walked over, his voice sounding shaky from the loss of the child. “Care to explain?” Boba gave him the usual bemused Fett look, clearly not giving enough fucks to tell him. “Boba and I used to be an item. We worked together and all that.” You smiled like an idiot.

“When I was swallowed by a Sarlacc everyone thought I died. My recovery took me so long that I hadn’t found them yet.” Boba speaks, his fingers entangling with yours. You felt tears well up in your eyes at the thought of him alone.

~The next day~

Slave I was on autopilot, making its way to the next destination that Din had told Boba. You sat in the cockpit with Boba, watching him repaint his armor. You held the small tins of old paint as he worked silently, his strokes steady.

“You’re staring.” He muttered, not looking up from the Fett family farm mark on the chest plate. ��Oh I’m not allowed to stare?” Boba narrowed his eyes, his lips twitching a little. “I missed you Boba, I think I’m allowed to stare.”

Boba glanced at you and smiled, “I suppose.” He said sarcastically. You rolled your eyes and took the finished chest plate from his hands, setting it by the others to dry. He was working on his knee plates now, the last pieces to do.

You were nearly asleep in the seat when Boba put the last piece down with the others, “All done.” He muttered, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

He sat back down in the pilots seat, pulling you into his lap. “I missed you.” You kissed him deeply, Boba happily kissing you back. You ran your hands down his arms and grinned, “You somehow got even sexier you know.” You muttered against his lips as you straddled him.

Boba rolled his eyes and kissed you again, he was never one for accepting compliments. “Too bad we’ll never be alone on this ship again.” You sighed. “When we stop he’s getting off to find a friend, we’ll be able to do some things then.”

Boba kissed your neck, the feeling sending lightning bolts down your spine. “Then I’ll show you just how much I missed you.”

Tags: @leias-left-hair-bun @iamassbuttkingofhell @catsnkooks @mxndalorians @colorfulloverbatturkey @ahsokatano-thetogruta @jedi-mando @peacefulwizardfox @julyzaa @feathersforclones @chr0nicbackpain @strangebroadwaykinks @jedi-nila-rhyn @fyrepen33 @valkyrieofthehighfae @commanderrivercc-3628 @my-awakened-ghost

#boba fett #boba fett x reader #bobafett #Old Man Boba #the mandalorian #the mandalorian spoilers #fennec shand #din djarin

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coffee-imagines · 4 years

Text

Lost

Pairing: Fred x fem!reader, George x fem!reader(platonic)

Requested: can you do another sad imagine where the reader is dating fred and she finds out he dead at the battle and george comforts her

Warnings: Fred’s death, injury, sad reader and Weasleys

A/N: ah yes… angst :) I love her. Anyway I started my new class yesterday, but I should still be able to post regular imagines instead of only headcanons, but we’ll see.

Summary: After getting split up, the worst thing possible happens

———————————–

You were stumbling around the halls of Hogwarts, holding your side. You’d regretted going your separate way from the twins even though it was the plan. There was no doubt you wouldn’t be able to calm down until you found the both of them. Your limp was slowing you down as you walked, and you were sure there was no way you could fight off anyone if they were to come at you at that moment.

“Y/N?” You heard someone ask making you turn around to see Neville.

“Neville.” You breathed a sigh of relief.

“Let me help you to the great hall. Everyone’s there.” He explained, walking over to you and wrapping your arm around his shoulder while he held you up.

“Good, that’s good.” You winced when you both started walking a bit faster than you had been previously.

The walk was silent, neither of you knowing what you could possibly say. You tried focusing on breathing, your side killing you a whole lot more than it had been before.

“I have to go find someone.” Neville explained once you both reached the door.

“Okay, stay safe.” You smiled softly and braced yourself on your good side.

With sad eyes you looked around at all the injured and unmoving bodies laid all around the hall. A flash of red hair caught your attention and it made your head shoot up and you couldn’t help the smallest smile that made its way onto your face when you saw George. You winced when you’d tried walking normally and the closer you got the more anxious you became. It seemed all the Weasleys were standing around someone, and you didn’t miss that all of them were upset. You frantically searched the group for Fred and your stomach dropped when you couldn’t find him.

“George?” You asked, your voice wavering. You didn’t want your thoughts to be true, hoping your boyfriend had still been wandering around somewhere in the school. All the Weasleys’ attention seemed to snap toward you, and George quickly walked over to you. “Where… where is he?” You whispered, the answer already written on his face, but you needed to hear it. There was a small part of you that was still holding onto the hope he might be somewhere else.

“Y/N…” George trailed, his voice cracking when his attention averted to Fred’s limp body making your heart shatter and bile rise in your throat.

“No.” You croaked, your knees buckling. “No no no.” You choked out, your knees giving out from under you. Whimpered no’s continued to leave you while you crawled over to him. Your shaking hand made its way up to hold his face. “Freddie.” You sniffed, resting your forehead on his.

Memories of your time together started hitting you all at once. From the first train ride to Hogwarts, to the yearly three person trail that would run into platform nine and three quarters together. Your first kiss at the astronomy tower. The picnics you’d have on the quidditch field. The victory kisses you’d share after games. The time Fred and George invited you over to the borough for the first time. All the late nights the three of you would spend planning everything you’d all sell at the shop. Then you remembered the thing that broke your heart the most. The ring on your finger. Fred’s promise to love you forever, even through all your problems that may come along the way. At the thought, your crying became even harder.

“Y/N.” George’s shaky voice pulled you from your thoughts making you shake your head. “Y/N.” He repeated, pulling you away gently.

You clung to him for dear life, shoving your face in his chest as he held you tightly. You fisted his shirt in your fingers tightly, continuing to shake. George’s cries filled your ears, and this only made you feel worse.

“Y/N, dear.” Molly’s voice made you pull away and turn to her. “You’re hurt.” She pointed out making you look down at your side, but you waved her off sadly.

“I’m alright.” You whispered, crouching down before sitting down near Fred’s head.

“We should get you checked out.” George explained, sitting down next to you.

“You aren’t taking me anywhere but here.” You shook your head, your eyes never leaving Fred. Reaching out, you moved the hair away from his forehead and scooted closer before kissing it gently. “I miss you already my love.” You whispered, grabbing his hand to hold in yours.

George’s arm wrapped around you and you let your head rest on his shoulder. You let the tears fall freely, not bothering to wipe them away since you knew they were only going to get replaced with more. George’s head rested on yours, and the wet drips you felt every now and then let you know he was crying too. Grabbing his hand in your free one, you brought it over so the three of you were connected.

“I love you. The both of you.” You sniffed, looking up at George.

“We love you too. Always have, always will.” He smiled softly down to you, squeezing his hand over yours and Fred’s.

“Okay.” You whispered to yourself, taking a shaky breath while you reached over to the ring on Fred’s other hand. “I’m sorry.” You cried, slipping the ring off and kissing his ring finger gently before placing his hand back down. “Now you can have one too.” You choked out, grabbing George’s hand and slipping it on. “One for me, and one for you. To promise to keep his memory alive.” You explained, pausing when you inhaled sharply to stop yourself from full on sobbing. “To promise that we’ll always be here for each other, no matter what.” You continued, looking up at George’s tear stained face. “And to promise that nothing will change even though he’s… gone.” You explained, looking him in the eye. “And to never go a day without a joke in his honor.” You choked out.

The three of you had planned on living together as soon as you could, and the battle had put a hold on the plan. The three of you always did everything tougher, even going as far as letting George third wheel on dates.

“I’d like that.” George nodded, scooting even closer to his brother.

You all continued to sit and stand in silence. Letting it fully sink in that Fred was truly gone. Before you all left George had leant down to his brother’s ear. No one catching his last words to his other half.

“I’ll take care of her, Freddie. I promise.”

———————————–

Tag list: Inbox/message me if you’d like to be added (comments sometimes get lost amongst notifications)

@severuslovebot @izzytheninja @obsessedwithrandomthings @jpow345 @accio-rogers @supermassiveblackhope @tinylumpiaa @chanelwonders @crumpets-are-better-with-jam @theweasleytwinsgirl @jenniweaslee @woodenpevensie @dreaming-about-fanfictions @caswinchester2000 @agathalikesbirds @inglourious-imagines @bbeauttyybbx @huffledor-able541 @imboredandneedalife

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meganlpie · 4 years

Text

My Champion

Based on this request: How about some mutual pining with viktor, he and reader have been childhood friends, she goes to Hogwarts while he goes to Durmstrang, they send owls back and forth keeping in touch, when he tells her that he’ll be attending the triwizard tournament, she feels her heart sink cuz of the danger, but says that she’ll show him around the school and that she knows that he’ll come out a champion. Reader is taken instead of Hermione and mutual feelings are revealed!! Throw in as much fluff as you can cram into this pls! from @gollyderek

Here you go, lovely! I do not own Viktor. He belongs to Rowling.

Warnings: FLUFF!!! All the fluff! a little angst? Possible incorrect translations. First time writing Viktor Krum

Pairings: Viktor Krum x fem!reader

You chuckled quietly to yourself as Ron practically drooled over Viktor. To the world, your friend was the greatest Quidditch player of the age and a total heartthrob. And he was. Viktor was charming, sweet, kind, gorgeous, and one hell of an athlete. To you, however, he was just Viktor. He was your dearest friend and your, albeit secret, crush.

The two of you had met when you were children, quite by accident, and became fast friends. You and your family had been visiting Bulgaria for your father's work and you and Viktor hadn't wanted to part. You spent years writing back and forth. You visited each other on holiday from school and Viktor often snuck you tickets to his Quidditch games after he made his national team, something you never stopped telling him you were proud of.

But now, you were far away from all that. Now you were sitting in the Great Hall, watching Viktor enter with the rest of the potential Triwizard champions from his school. Viktor had told you he was coming, so you weren't as surprised as everyone else. You'd even offered to show him around Hogwarts. That didn't mean your heart didn't clench at the sight of him. It had been a while since you'd last seen him.

As Viktor passed by you, he shot you a wink. You forced down a smile and rolled your eyes as the girls near you started to giggle, thinking the wink was directed at them. You watched him walk up with his Headmaster to greet Dumbledore. "Viktor Krum is here?" You laughed at Ron again before turning your attention back to your best friend. It was going to be a long year.

*time skip*

"You will be careful, won't you?" you asked Viktor. He was taking a break from his daily workout, sitting beside you by the Black Lake. "Of course," he assured you then added a term of endearment in Bulgarian. For some reason, his confidence did nothing to enhance your own. It did not ease your worries. When his name had come out of the Goblet of Fire, you'd felt your heart sinking. You knew how dangerous the tournament was. People had died in previous years. The dragon task had only solidified your fears.

"That means 'my friend', doesn't it? What you said?" you asked, attempting to change the subject. Despite being his friend for so long, you hadn't quite gotten the hang of his language yet. Viktor gave you a smile so small you'd swear he was sad. "Yes. Friend." You cocked your head to the side for a moment. Then, you laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Viktor?" He hummed in acknowledgement so you continued, "Please take care of yourself. You're very important to me." Viktor's hand came up and covered yours as he gave you a genuine smile. "You are important to me as well, Y/N. I will be…safe." Things grew quiet between you for a little while. As you laid your head against his shoulder, you were grateful it was Saturday. "I know you'll do well, Viktor. You'll win. I know you will."

Viktor didn't say anything, but you felt his lips press against the top of your head. He muttered something in his native tongue before he switched to English. "There is something I want to ask you," he said. You glanced up at him. "The Yule Ball. Will you accompany me?"

You blinked in surprise, lifting your head from his shoulder. Of all the people he could have asked to the ball, he had asked you? "Are you sure you want to go with me?" you couldn't help but ask. Viktor chuckled and nodded. "Yes. There is no one I would rather attend with." Part of you wanted to say no. You weren't sure your heart could take it. Then again, you may not get an opportunity like that again. So you smiled at him and opened your mouth to reply.

Viktor's POV

Inside, Viktor was a mess as he waited for your answer. He had been building up his courage to ask since he arrived at Hogwarts. When he first heard of the tournament and ball, he was confident that you would say yes. But when he saw you again after a couple of years, his confidence had waned a bit. You were so beautiful. Surely you had boys lined up to ask you. He couldn't believe that you chose to spend all your time with him, best friend or not.

Viktor knew he was in love with you. Sure, you were both young, but you had known each other for so long. Viktor couldn't imagine being with anyone else. He was not calling you his "friend". He was calling you his "heart". When the Yule Ball was announced, Viktor knew he had to ask you. Even if you never returned his affections, he could at least have one night with you to pretend that the two of you could be something more than friends.

Viktor was brought back to reality when you gave his hand a small squeeze. "I'd love to go to the ball with you, Viktor." Viktor swore the sun began shining a bit brighter. Despite the chill in the air, Viktor felt a warmth spread through his chest. But he didn't want to scare you off, so he kept his excitement inside, ready to burst forth.

"Good. That is good. Thank you." You laughed lightly. You gave him a quick hug as you prepared to stand. Viktor was up in an instant, helping you to your feet. You playfully rolled your eyes. "I guess I'll have to find a spell to change the color of my dress to match your robes. I can't wait." You placed a short peck to his cheek then ran off with a wave. "See you later, Viktor!" Viktor was left next to the lake fighting off a blush and a smile.

*another time skip(sorry). Your POV*

To say you were nervous was an understatement. Even though you knew you and Viktor were only going to the ball as friends, you couldn't fight the butterflies fluttering in your stomach as you prepared yourself for the Yule Ball. Your knees knocked together when you stepped into your shoed and you were almost positive you were going to faint when you took the first step down toward Viktor.

Viktor looked gorgeous, even more so than usual, and his eyes were riveted on you as you descended the steps. "You look…lovely," he praised softly, his tongue seemingly tripping over the English word. You felt yourself heat up. "Thank you, Viktor. You look incredible." Viktor turned and offered his arm to lead you into the Great Hall that had been converted into a ballroom for the night.

"I'm nervous," you admitted. Viktor chuckled and gave your hand a squeeze with his free one. "It will be alright. I will help you as you helped me." All eyes were on you when you entered the room on Viktor's arm. You took your positions and let your eyes wander a little.

You felt Viktor gently grip your chin as he turned your face back toward him. "I will not let you fall, moya lyubov." Your brows came together. You didn't know what he'd said, but he'd never called you that before. There was no time to ask what he said. The music started you were caught up in the feeling of being in his arms.

You and Viktor spent the entire night dancing together. When it came to an end, you couldn't fight the tears that formed in your eyes while Viktor walked you back to your dormitory. Your one night with Viktor was nearly over and you hated it. Before you could stop them, sniffles escaped you at the thought of never being with him like this again.

"Why are you crying?" Viktor asked with concern lacing his voice. He had never seen you upset before. Not like this. "I don't want it to end," you admitted quietly. You stopped walking and face him. "Viktor, I-" you were cut off by Viktor hugging you close and whispering something in your ear in Bulgarian. He kept repeating the phrase like a mantra, almost desperately.

"Viktor, slow down. I don't understand what you're saying." Viktor pulled back. He gazed deeply into your eyes. "I did not want this night to end either," he confessed softly in broken English, "I have been trying to say all night. But I am a coward. I cannot tell the beautiful woman in front of me that I love her."

You were so lost in listening to his thick accent that you almost missed what he said entirely. Once his words registered in your mind, you simply stared at him. Viktor's face fell when you didn't say anything. "Perhaps it was a mistake. Perhaps you do not feel the same." He turned to leave, but you caught his arm.

"Wait, Viktor. I do feel the same. I always have felt the same." Viktor turned back to you, a bright grin on his face. He stepped closer to you and cupped your cheek. He whispered something in his native tongue again, but immediately repeated himself in English. "I love you. May I…" he trailed off, trying to find the right words, "May I kiss you?" Your lips pulled up into a smile and you nodded. Viktor let out a shaky breath and leaned into place a chaste kiss to your lips.

(a/n: I hope you like it!)

Forever Tags: @fizzyxcustard @brewsthespirit-blog @sirkekselord @aikibriarrose @esoltis280 @lady-of-lies @sdavid09

All Tag lists are open!

#j.k. rowling #golden trio era #viktor krum #viktor krum x reader

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sweetsubharry · 3 years

Note

do have any mpreg fics? (harry gets pregnant ofc)

Yes I do!! 💖 also of course ;) there’s about 54 in this list if I counted correctly!! so it’s a long one!

Please stay safe and read the tags everyone!!

Worth the Wait by lovelarry10

“Harry, you’re scaring me. Why did you need me to come home? I don’t mind, not if you need me, but… tell me what’s happening, love.” “I…” Harry cleared his throat, but still the words wouldn’t come. His shaking hand reached down and pulled out the picture, his breath coming in shallow pants as he handed it to Louis, who took it from him, frowning down at it.

“Whose is this?”

Louis’ blue eyes met Harry’s green then, and Harry knew he had to tell the truth.

“It’s mine. Ours. I’m pregnant, Louis.”

*****

Louis and Harry had long ago come to terms with the fact they couldn’t have children. Rapidly approaching their forties, they’re settled at work, and more than happily married.

Life, however, has other plans for the Tomlinsons.

Fill My Heart With Sweetness by loopdelouis

Harry's a late bloomer, but since his luck is shit, it's no surprise that he'd be the last to get a heat, but the first to get pregnant. In high school.

Count The Wolves And We'll Sleep Tonight by scribblewrite

Louis's the Alpha of a powerful pack and Harry's his omega.

When Harry's taken by rogue alphas, Louis will do anything to bring him home safely.

yes, you make my life worthwhile by orphan_account

Harry whispers to him that this feels like every dream he’s had for the last three years and Louis kisses his temple, behind his ear, across his cheeks and by the edge of his jaw. He runs the back of his finger across Winnie’s sleep-warm cheeks and sighs, the weight of the world finally off his shoulder.

Louis' a pediatrician, Harry's a preschooler teacher, and they're having a baby.

Weigh Us Down (We're In Love) by orphan_account

Harry’s eyes widen slightly at that. “We’re friends?”

Louis nods eagerly, smiling even wider. “Of course we are! You’re like, my first ever friend here. We just moved in, you see. Did I already tell you about that? Anyway! Maybe you can stay for dinner and I can show you my toys?”

Harry smiles. “You’ll let me play with you?”

Louis nods again, excited. “Of course!” He looks thoughtful for a moment, and then he’s slipping off the couch and crouching in front of Harry. “Oh, and Mum always kisses my wounds after she fixes them up. It makes me feel loads better all the time, so.” He leans forward and puckers his lips, pressing them over the bandage on Harry’s knee.

(harry and louis first meet when they’re eight and ten. this is their story throughout the years.)

love is so good when the love is young by drunkonyou

Louis falls for his pregnant best friend who has a bit of baggage. They make it work though.

fell in love in the morning sun by lumineres

“I'm going to die,” he wails. After about ten minutes of being in the car the discomfort got to be too much and Louis had to pull over so he could get on his hands and knees in the back seat, the only position that seemed to appeal to him. He let's out another pained cry, then grits out, “But not before I fucking kill you. This was your idea, I swear, what the fuck Louis.”

Louis does not correct him this time, he'd made that mistake two contractions ago and nearly lost his head. It had actually been Harry's idea, he'd told Louis that he hadn't forgotten the condoms, he wanted a baby. It really wasn't any trouble at all for Louis to oblige. Within a month of trying (what a wonderful month, honestly), Harry was full of Louis' baby. Like magic.

or, harry's in labor for 30 hours. louis believes in magic.

Vanished by FicNess

Harry loved Louis, Louis loved Harry. It was perfect. But after a small slip-up during some rather poorly planned sexytimes, Harry made the decision to run away. He was pretty good at hiding but Louis was also pretty good at seeking. And when Louis found him he also found a little surprise.

resolutions and lovers in the kitchen by orphan_account

Their dinner’s probably going cold, but this feels monumental. So instead of sitting them down on the table and talking about it face to face over chicken and pasta, Harry just puts his hands over Louis’ where they’re settled on his lower stomach, not letting the moment slip past them. He takes a deep breath, carefully arranging his thoughts. “She looks really lovely, Louis. Positively glowing. Her bump’s so big, and…” he trails off, breath hitching slightly when Louis lifts his hand higher, settling it right over Harry’s stomach, and that’s—

“And what, baby?” Louis asks, voice now dropped to a whisper, and Harry has to take a moment to collect his thoughts.

“She, um. She knows about you, of course, and she asked me when we’re—when we’re having a baby of our own.”

(harry teaches little kids and louis writes sports articles. they're trying for a baby.)

I'll Stand By You by harrystanslouis

Harry and Louis have been hooking up for two years. What happens when an unexpected surprise is thrown into their world?

-An mpreg, A/B/O AU featuring stupid boys in love, lots of pining, and a happy ending.

So Long I've Been Waiting by kikikryslee

Niall held up his glass in a toast. “Cheers.” Harry stared at Louis as he brought the glass up to his lips, unsure of what to do. It wasn’t like he could refuse the drink, but he certainly didn’t want to have any champagne. Louis monitored everyone else, and as soon as they all had their heads tilted back, drinking their mimosa, he reached out and knocked Harry’s glass right out of his hand, sending it crashing to the floor. “Oh, no!” Louis pretended to be shocked at what had just happened. “Harry, you’re so clumsy. You dropped your glass.” “Yes,” Harry said seriously. “I am very clumsy.” --- Or, the one where Harry and Louis are having their first baby, and keeping it a secret until the end of the first trimester is a lot harder than they thought it would be.

We Made These Memories for Ourselves by supernope

Breath held, Harry squints his eyes open and focuses on the first stick. A blue line. Harry breathes out an unsteady breath. He’s pretty sure he read that one blue line is a negative, but he fishes the box from the bottom of the pile just to make sure.

“Negative,” he confirms, voice echoing around the small room. “Next.”

Now that he’s feeling a little less shaky, he scans the rest of the tests at once, is met with a headache-inducing mixture of pink plus signs and blue double lines. His heart rate picks up until it’s pounding triple-time in the base of his throat and the pit of his stomach, thundering in his ears and throbbing in his temples. He flips over the rest of the boxes slowly, but he knows what they’re going to say before he even looks.

[or, Louis is a footballer, Harry owns a bakery, and they're having a baby.]

Nothing I'm Running From by swallowsmateforlife

The odds are one in a million. Chances are it's not going to happen to them.

It does happen to them and Harry Styles is pregnant.

deep in my heart i know there's only you by ballsdeepinjesus

"Will you do it?” Harry whispers. Louis has to lean closer just to hear him. He furrows his brows and shakes his head, not knowing what Harry means. “Would you donate for me?”

Louis is dumbfounded. “I’m sorry, I thought you just asked if I’d donate my sperm. Can you repeat yourself?”

[harry and louis are best friends who engage in some platonic baby-making. very platonic.]

hard to confess by hereforlou

One, they only did it without a condom once (and a half) and not during his heat. Never during his heat. Two, he never once forgot to take his birth control (he’s almost sure). Three, his plan is to be married for a year before he even starts trying for a baby, and not only is he very, very single, him and Louis aren’t even sleeping together anymore. Which brings him to reason number four why this can’t be happening: Louis. Louis doesn’t want a baby with Harry.

(Or, the one where Harry knows he messed up and Louis knows nothing.)

Piece by Piece by SadaVeniren

He rubbed his hand over his lower stomach and closed his eyes. Louis was going to lose his fucking mind.

(aka Harry tells Louis he's pregnant and it goes as expected)

Fallen Far From the Tree by SadaVeniren

“I’m so excited.”

“Me too,” Louis said. “Just think, it’s gonna be you and me forever.” He even managed to sing song the end of the sentence.

Harry snorted. “That’s not how the line goes. And besides, it’s not gonna be you and me forever. It’s gonna be you, and me, and this little one.”

He could see the smile stretch across Louis’ face. “Yeah. You’re right.”

(aka Harry and Louis go through the ups and ups of pregnancy)

Right Here Waiting by lovelarry10

Louis and Harry are expecting a baby. Harry's heavily pregnant and nesting madly, determined to make their home ready for their baby.

(i didn't mean to) fall in love tonight by zouisclimax

Harry texts him back a thumbs up emoji before leaning forward and throwing up again. He groans, but stands after he’s done, wiping his mouth with toilet paper, and flushing the toilet.

He washes his mouth out as best as he can before steeling himself and heading back to class, trying his best not to cry. He tells himself that there is no point in worrying when he doesn’t even know if there is anything to worry about yet.

He still feels sick.

[or, the American boarding school AU where Harry's infatuated with Louis and one night flips his whole world upside-down]

you fit me better than my favourite sweater by brightbluelou

Harry didn't mean to fall in love with his best friend, and he definitely didn't mean to get pregnant. Despite that, it’s probably still the best thing that’s ever happened to him. And after that, well. It just kept getting better.

or; the one where Harry and Louis are friends-with-benefits and Harry unexpectedly gets pregnant. Harry never wants to stop getting pregnant after that, but Louis thinks seven kids is probably enough.

Running Down To The Riptide by sweaterpawstyles

"I can't give you your present yet, Lou."

Louis furrowed his brows. "And why is that, my love?"

Harry smiled at his lap. "Because your present is under my sweater," he pulled his free hand that wasn't laced with Louis' and gently laid it on his stomach. "I'm pregnant."

It's New Year's Eve and Harry has a surprise under his sweater

When I'm Lost I feel so very Found by sweaterpawstyles

Louis posted a picture a few minutes later of Harry kissing his cheek and captioned it as "My baby is having our baby :)"

It ended up getting almost a million likes in just a few hours and Louis' phone was blowing up with texts of congratulations from his friends. Harry couldn't stop blushing.

Or, the one where Harry is an average university student who winds up pregnant with rising actor Louis Tomlinson's child

Gasoline Stars by galacticlourry (orphan_account)

It reminded him of stardust, of the history of suns, and he supposed that was what the boy asleep on his shoulder had been created out of. The history of suns.

...

Or, an AU where it's all nice and innocent until someone ends up pregnant. (That would be Harry.) Also known as the Mpreg AU I've doubt you've read before.

Answer All Your Wishes by SadaVeniren

Harry and Louis met when Harry was thirteen and as first impressions go theirs was memorable enough to start a life long romance.

AKA a Tom Fletcher/Giovanna Fletcher AU where Louis is part of One Direction, Harry is the love of his life who blogs, and they have many, many children.

Claire de lune by Neondiamond

"We're having a baby Lou." he heard him say softly.

"We are babe, we are." Louis whispered into his husband's curls. "We're having a baby."

OR: Harry and Louis have wanted a baby for a while now, and now Harry's finally pregnant.

we've got a lifetime to kill by louislovesharry

harry and louis have a three year old daughter, evie, who is their whole world, and another little girl on the way. when harry falls and is put on bedrest for the remainder of the pregnancy, louis and evie must adjust - but it is all worth it for their newest addition to the tomlinson family.

Dirty Little Secret by therogueskimo

“Can’t let Gemma … she can’t find us,” Harry gasped against Louis’ lips, kicking his jeans off.

“Why?” Louis breathed against his mouth, working his lips down along the line of his jaw and onto his neck.

“Just … I don’t want to – god, Lou – don’t want to deal with her reaction. Just want it to be us.”

“Our dirty little secret, eh?”

_____________

Or the one where Harry and Louis fall in love, but can’t figure out how to tell Gemma. That is, until Harry gets pregnant, and they don’t have much of a choice.

Come In and Change My Life by lightswoodmagic (sarah_writes)

He’d had the same neighbours since he’d moved into the building, a lovely, wealthy couple in their late sixties who had always invited him around for tea on Sundays. Martha had dropped off homemade biscuits the day he’d moved in, so Harry figured he may as well repeat the sentiment. He could hear someone getting closer to the door just as a flush ran through his body; oh fuck. His heat was close, too close to be knocking on a potentially unknown alpha’s door, but it was too late. The door swung open, and Harry’s mouth dropped. He’d never been overly interested in football, couldn’t find the fascination in watching men run around after a ball for hours aside from their uniforms, but he knew who this was. Louis Tomlinson, alpha, captain of Manchester United, star in a number of Harry’s heat addled fantasies, was his new next-door neighbour.

Or, Harry and Louis become friends when Harry looks after Louis' cat during away games, until one night at a party changes everything between them. It's just a shame Louis' going to be away for the FIFA World Cup for three months.

Put It Into Words by orphan_account

“It’s a good storm though, our families,” Louis says, flopping down on to the bed and cuddling close to Harry. He tucks his arm around Harry’s waist, kissing his temple. “The Cheshire house is perfect to raise the baby; your mum’s close, and my mum can stay in the guest bedroom when she visits.”

“And until then we have the long weekend to ourselves.”

Or, Harry and Louis go on a babymoon.

I Get To Love You by lovelarry10

A one night stand leaves Harry with a permanent reminder of the night he spent with a stranger.

Louis has no idea who the handsome stranger he took to bed is... until his friends make a shocking discovery.

A baby is on the way, and Louis and Harry have nine months to get to know each other before they become a family...

Dancing Shadows by SadaVeniren

The house was quiet by the time Louis walked up to it. He’d been away for a week and while it wasn’t the longest he’d ever been away from the pack, it was the longest he’d been away from Harry and the kids.

A Perfect Reason by Chelsea Frew (chelseafrew)

During a visit to a charity he'd like to support, Prince Louis--next in line to the throne of the United Kingdom--meets Harry, the man of his dreams. Trouble is, Louis is not out, and the law says his heirs can only be born of a woman. Louis is determined not to let that stop his pursuit of Harry. His determination doubles when Harry accidentally becomes pregnant. He and Harry will have their little family--and change the monarchy while they're at it.

Another Constellation to Trace by screwstyles

Louis wiggles his eyebrows. “I’m winning that bet.”

“What bet?” comes Niall’s excited voice from behind them, followed by footsteps. “I wanna be in on the bet!” he shouts, prompting Harry to quickly roll down his shirt sleeve and straighten his shirt where it’s still crinkly after Louis’ hands.

Niall takes one look at them and purses his lips in a tight line. “Were you guys making out again? Isn’t the fire meant to die down a bit after eight years?”

“Trust me, the fire is still very much alive,” Louis winks at Harry. “One could even say it’s cooking something.”

Mpreg AU: Louis and Harry bet on who can keep Harry's pregnancy a secret for longer. Neither of them is particularly good at it, and it doesn't help that their soulmate tattoos make it even harder.

Made From Love by lovelarry10

It's almost Christmas, and amongst the preparations, Louis' realised something about his husband Harry.

Harry, however, seems to be oblivious.

Louis' determined to open Harry's eyes and make him realise the real magic that's happening this Christmas...

years go by, whether you want them to by louislovesharry

A girl. They were having a little girl, and Harry couldn’t be happier. He had dreamed of having a daughter for as long as he could remember. A tiny little angel that he could dress up, have tea parties, pick flowers with. And if that wasn’t her thing, Louis could play footie with her, they could teach her how to play guitar and play with toy trucks. There was nothing Harry wanted more than to have and hold this beautiful creature that they had made together out of pure love, and nurture and cherish her for always.

The 'Oh my God it's twins!" Drabble. by FicNess

The 'Oh my God it's twins!" Drabble.

another pair of feet by honey_beeing

where Harry is pregnant and Louis is an oblivious idiot.

I will Only have these eyes for you by Dysia

Harry's pregnant and Louis' more in love with him than ever.

Don't ever let this day stop by Dysia

Louis comes back home earlier than he was suppose to and he's surprised with the best present ever.

i will rearrange the stars (pull 'em down to where you are) by orphan_account

Except-- the antibiotics. They'd fucked to celebrate Harry finally feeling better and not being contagious after his fight with strep-- but the antibiotics had likely still been present. And everyone knew suppressants and birth control didn't work when on antibiotics.

"Lads," Harry repeated once again, blinking slowly as his eyes filled with tears. Liam and Niall were staring at him in bewildered silence. "Lads. I'm, like, ninety-eight point seven percent sure I'm up the duff."

Alternatively, the one where Omega!Harry gets pregnant

To Carry Love by dimpled_halo

During One Direction's hiatus, Harry becomes unexpectedly pregnant, and Louis does his best at becoming the most supportive husband he can be.

Fists Alongside Hearts by mpregharryqueen

Louis is a superhero protecting New York City. He never planned on having a sidekick and especially never planned on having a baby with said sidekick.

AU based very loosely on the cinematic masterpieces, Sky High and The Incredibles.

On His Way Home by denisemuriel

“Ehm, yeah.” Harry looked down onto his lap, fumbling with his fingers. “It’s Louis’.” He replied quietly. “Oh my god.” A voice that didn’t belong to his sister Gemma replied. When Harry looked up from his lap, he saw Lottie standing across the room in the door frame and his eyes grew as wide as hers. She was Louis’ fucking sister, damn it. And now she knew that he was pregnant with her brother’s baby. “Lottie, your fucking brother got my baby brother pregnant!” Gemma exclaimed.

Or the one where Harry is set up on a blind date with his sister's best friend's brother

We Were Made to Love by supernope

“Everything all sorted? Need help with the buckles? I know they’re a bit tricky in this compartment.”

The voice startles Louis out of his daze, and he turns toward the voice to let him know he figured it out. When he catches sight of the owner of the voice, though, his response dies in his throat. Whatever he had imagined the conductor of a children’s train that rides around the shopping centre in Leeds would look like, this is certainly not it.

Leaning through the window, arms folded across the sill, is a green-eyed angel with cherry red lips stretched wide in a smile and dimples flirting in his cheeks. A black conductor’s hat is the only confirmation that this is not some gorgeous stranger who’s come to flirt with Louis through the window of a children’s train, but is just a man doing his job.

[or, Harry drives a kiddie train in the shopping centre for the summer and is obsessed with babies, and Louis never stood a chance.]

Baby, What a Big Surprise by kiwikero

As Harry settles into his seat, self-consciously adjusting his shirt over his slightly distended stomach, he can’t help but wonder how he got himself into all this. But he knows, of course he knows. It isn’t exactly easy to forget the moment that changed his entire life forever.

It all started with a party.

Or, the one where shy, quiet Harry has no idea he's a carrier, and a one night stand with the most popular boy in school shows him just how wrong he was.

Featuring Lottie as Harry's best friend, Niall as her boyfriend, and, of course, Louis as the popular boy with a soft spot for his little sister's quirky friend.

here comes the sun by orphan_account

“Everything’s going to be fine,” Louis promises, his pink, chapped lips moving slowly in the cold. It matches the beanie on his head—pink, because they found out this morning that they’re having a girl and that’s just.

Harry’s going to be a dad. To a little girl. Five months from now he’ll be holding her in his arms, and she’ll be so lovely and small.

They’re going to have a spring baby and she’s probably going to have Louis’ eyes. What a blessing that would be. Harry crosses his fingers on the hand inside his pocket, hoping that she does. He’ll love her either way—blue or green or even brown eyes, it doesn’t matter—but he’d really like them to be blue, he thinks.

[Harry is a pediatric specialist, Louis is a neurosurgeon. All they want is a baby.]

and the sun shines upon your face by rosegarden

“It's just – it feels weird. To tell her that her twenty year old closeted son got knocked up in the middle of a stadium worldwide tour.” Louis laughs and Harry's heart squeezes at that beautiful sound. “Well it does sound weird when you put it like that.” “I don't 'put it like that'. It's the truth.”

the one where Harry really, really likes making plans but plans don't really like him, Louis is an overprotective-future-dad-to-be and Niall, Liam and Zayn race to be the godfather.

everywhere (i wanna be with you) by itiswhatitisbutterfly

Harry and Louis meet because they have terrible friends, they fall in love because something feels right in a world of uncertainty and shifting grounds. Louis is an actor and Harry is a model at the top of his game, the best things in life are the most unexpected ones and the things that hit you when you are least expecting it.

Featuring winter in London, nights in Paris, early mornings in New York, burning heat in Monte Carlo and an enduring love spent transcending four corners of the globe.

kiss full of color, makes me wonder where you've always been by louislovesharry

after a rough day dealing with his three kids and louis being gone, a very pregnant harry is exhausted. louis helps make things better, always.

you make my whole world feel so right when it's wrong by orphan_account

“Curly?” Louis says, stepping into Harry’s sight. “You okay?” Harry looks up from where he has two things in his hands, a thick winter coat sized for a newborn, and a sweatshirt fitting a grown man such as himself. He looks up at Louis, stricken, and holds them out for him to see. “They’re the same price,” he says. “They’re both forty dollars! Forty dollars for such little material.”

(or, Harry is pregnant and stops at the mall to buy cheap baby clothes. Louis has extra money from working a long shift, and he can't think of a better way to spend it than on him.)

i'll be your sunflower by scagnetism

“What do you think’s gonna stop us now?” Harry says cheekily, laughter in his voice as he looks up at Louis. “Something’s gotta get in our way like always, doesn’t it?”

“Ha,” Louis grins, kissing his cheek and holding open the door for him as they make their way toward the car. “Nothing’s gonna interrupt us this time. ‘S gonna be perfect, just like Pumpkin.”

Or, a few interruptions aren't going to stop Harry from having a perfect pregnancy and having the family he and Louis have always dreamed of.

The Original Mpreg!Harry by Chelsea Frew (chelseafrew)

series

i'll put my future in you by louislovesharry

series

Picture Perfect by LittleBubbleStyles

an AU where Louis Tomlinson is a misunderstood football player, and Harry Styles is a misunderstood photographer. Somehow, they're understood together.

*just a note to say this is a wip but it is almost completed and updated regularly!

158 notes · View notes

actress4him · 3 years

Text

Bonus Whumptober Content Part 2

Original Whumptober fic here

Bonus Content Part 1 here

Find it all on AO3 here

Thanks for all of the support on the last chapter! I appreciate each and every one of the likes and reblogs and follows I’ve gotten.

Tagging @outtacommission again because Keith would not have been resurrected from the dead without his bribery.

Here is chapter 3 of this fic... see you next week for the conclusion!

Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender

Warnings: referenced amputation, blood mention, referenced broken bones, self-esteem issues, suicide ideation, death mention, nightmares, abandonment issues

When he woke again, he was lying back down on the pillow, staring up at the blank white ceiling. For one, blissful moment, he didn’t remember the events leading up to him passing out again. But it all came crashing down on him an instant later, taking his breath away.

My leg.

My leg, my leg.

My arm, my face, my leg.

“Keith?” Shiro’s voice was quiet, tentative. Not like him. “Are you awake?”

He wanted to roll over on his side and ignore him. Close his eyes, maybe go back to sleep, pretend that the world and this nightmare didn’t exist for a little while longer. The only reason he refrained was because he wasn’t sure if his stupid, wrecked body could actually manage it.

“What did you do to me?” It was only a whisper, and as slurred as it was, he wouldn’t have been surprised if it was impossible to understand.

Shiro’s breath hitched audibly. If Keith had been looking at his face, he was sure he wouldn’t like the anguished expression that he would see there. But at that moment, he didn’t have the capacity to care.

“Do you want me to...explain...how it...happened?”

No. Yes. He didn’t know. He needed to know why him losing a leg had been the best option, but at the same time he wasn’t sure if he could handle hearing about it. In the end, he just lifted one shoulder - the one that actually listened and responded right away - in a shrug.

Shiro shifted in his seat, leaning forward so just the tip of his white bangs were in Keith’s periphery. “I already told you that you...died. On that planet. So when we got back to the Castle, you dying again was a distinct possibility. We...it’s like Fallenta said. We had to get you into a pod, even though your...your left arm was broken, and your knees, especially, were a mess from where the console landed on them.”

He paused, rubbing his palms together. “We didn’t know what would happen. I was scared to death that some of those breaks wouldn’t be able to be fixed after the pod. I mean, we were headed to Tellima, but…” His head dropped. “We had no choice. That hole in your stomach...you were dying.”

Keith could almost imagine it - the frantic atmosphere in the infirmary, the blood everywhere, the desperate conversations escalating into shouts as they debated on what to do. He had no doubt that he really had been dying, that they had made the choice they thought was best. He just wasn’t sure if he agreed with that choice.

“When you came out of the pod, once the stomach wound was healed enough for you to be stable, Fallenta started working on re-breaking the bones so that they could be set correctly. It was...awful.” The shudder was obvious in his voice. “I’m glad she was able to do it, of course, but I’m also glad that you were unconscious the whole time. Your arm was relatively easy. Your left knee...it took her hours. It was in so many tiny little pieces. And your right…”

Automatically Keith flinched at the reminder of what was no longer there. Of the scarred, chopped off stump that lay just underneath the blanket, and the way his leg just...ended. He could see the void where the rest of it should have been even now, if he were to look down. He was purposely avoiding it.

Shiro heaved a huge sigh. “Unfortunately, your right knee was shattered in a way that had been blocking the circulation in your lower leg the whole time. The tissue down there was...dead.” He paused again. “Keith, I’ve...trust me, I’ve gone ‘round and ‘round in my head ever since we...trying to figure out if there was something I could have done differently. And...I don’t think there was. We did what we had to do to save your life. I’m just...I’m sorry that we couldn’t save your leg, too.”

His leg was gone.

Would he ever be able to walk again? Could they find a prosthetic for him like Shiro had, that worked as well as the real thing? Even if they did, how long would it take him to get used to walking on it? Just walking, not even counting anything like running, jumping, fighting.

Fighting was what he did. It was the one and only thing besides flying that he was good at. He was crap with a gun, he couldn’t sit up in a sniper’s nest like Lance. He needed to be able to move. If he couldn’t, even just for the time that it took to learn how with a new leg and an arm that only half worked...

They’d replace him. What good was a paladin who was crippled? Who couldn’t pull his weight? As soon as Red woke up and found out what happened to him she would realize that he was useless now. And the Princess, the rest of the team...they already knew it. They were probably already looking for a new Red Paladin. How long would it be until they dropped him off on Earth, or on some Coalition planet? Probably as soon as he was healed enough. They didn’t have time to keep taking care of an invalid, they had a universe to save.

They did. Not him. Not anymore.

“Should’ve left me there.”

There was dead silence for a moment.

“What?”

Keith tipped his head back further into the pillow, eyes roving over the featureless ceiling as if he’d see something new. “I tol’ you not to come. I tol’ you to leave me there. You didn’t listen.”

“And now you’re alive.”

“Yeah, but why?”

“Keith…”

His hands fisted in the blanket, jaw clenched in sudden fury. “Don’t ‘Keith’ me. Why, Shiro? Why am I alive? What is the point? You know what all this means.”

It meant he’d be alone. And he couldn’t...he couldn’t do alone. Not again. Not when he found a group of people that he actually cared about for the first time in so long. Not when he was just finally getting used to always having people around, always having someone to talk to or distract him from the thoughts that tried to consume him. Not when he barely survived it the first time.

He’d rather be dead than alone.

Shiro sucked in a deep breath through his nose. “That life is gonna be hard for a while? That you’re gonna have to work harder than ever to get back to where you were? Yeah, Keith, I do know. I know more than anyone else.”

Oh.

Shiro must think he was so incredibly self-centered.

He was self-centered.

He should have thought about how acting like losing a leg was worse than dying would seem to the man who had lost an arm and kept going. But instead he was all caught up in how he was going to lose everything he had grown to love and rely on. Acting like the self-absorbed brat that everyone at the Garrison except Shiro had accused him of being.

“That means I also know how hard it is to accept,” Shiro was saying. “It’s going to take time to adjust. But you will, I promise, and I’ll be here to help you every step of the way.”

Yeah, right. Keith didn’t know if he was lying to make him feel better, or if he just hadn’t yet realized or accepted that Allura and the rest of the team wouldn’t want to keep him around.

“Just...please, Keith. Please don’t say that we should have let you die. You don’t know…” His voice caught. “I’ve spent these last weeks hoping, praying that you would live. Scared out of my mind every moment of every day that you wouldn’t.”

Keith finally forced himself to turn his head toward his brother and saw him brush the back of his wrist across his eyes. Just that movement was enough to make his heart drop to his stomach. Shiro didn’t cry. At least not where anyone could see him.

Slowly, he slid his hand out across the bed, palm up. A peace offering. It took only a moment for Shiro to take it, squeezing it so hard he thought a few more bones might break.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. And he was. Not for thinking it, but for saying it. He didn’t want to cause any more pain for any of his friends.

That’s why when it was time for him to go, he’d do it quietly. No fuss. Don’t let them see your fear or your pain - he had learned that long, long ago. He was good at it.

Shiro gave him a shaky smile. “It’ll be alright, Keith. I promise.”

Swallowing down the words that sprang to his tongue, he gave a nod. “Okay.”

The next morning Keith woke up to an empty room. In a way, it was a relief. They obviously didn’t see the need to watch over him and baby him twenty-four-seven anymore. But he was, for all intents and purposes, stuck. With no leg, he couldn’t just get up and leave the room whenever he wanted, head to the training room like he normally would in the morning. There’d be no training for him for a long time.

Of course there was breakfast to think about, too, and he wasn’t sure whether to expect someone to bring it to him, or to bring him to it. Either way, he hated it. He had always hated being treated like he was helpless, and now it was even worse because he actually was helpless.

He went ahead and made up his mind, though. No matter what their plan was, he had no desire to be carried through the Castle to the dining room where everyone would give him those looks of pity. Poor Keith. Can’t even walk by himself. It’s just too bad he can’t stay.

He was in the midst of pushing himself up off the pillows, trying to get his right side to cooperate long enough to get in an upright position he could balance in and trying to ignore the strange lightness of his leg, when the door opened and Pidge slipped in.

“Hey,” she said softly. Padding over, she perched carefully on the edge of the chair that first Hunk, then Shiro had occupied.

Tucking his left leg up close to him - the knee creaking in protest at being used for the first time since healing - Keith cleared his throat. “Hi.”

Silence fell, but it had never been awkward between the two. The introverted arms of Voltron. Pidge just gazed at him for a long moment, her eyes saying all the things he knew she would never actually be able to say with words. “It’s good to see you awake. I was really worried about you.”

On the outside, she merely shoved her glasses back up into the bridge of her nose and sniffed. “You better not quiznakin’ ever do that again.”

Keith’s lips turned up at the corners for the first time since waking the day before. “Alright.”

Besides Shiro, he thought he would miss Pidge the most of all. They got each other more than anyone else.

“So.” Straightening up, she whipped a tablet out of her hoodie pocket. “We’ve been working on a leg for you. The Tellimites have crazy good medical technology, so obviously we’re using their notes, but I’ve also been talking back and forth with the Olkari, because they’re, of course, crazy good with biological connections, and we’ve come up with a design that should communicate really well with your body and, essentially, work like the real thing.”

She launched into a detailed scientific explanation of how every inch of it worked, tapping and flicking through various diagrams that just looked like a plain prosthetic leg to him. He didn’t understand but a few words here and there, but he let her talk. This was one of her passions, and it was nice to let her be able to ramble about it for once without having to worry about being rushed. The way her face lit up was worth every second.

“So...what do you think?” Suddenly she sounded uncertain as she blinked up at him. “We definitely want your input on it. I mean, I suggested putting in a rocket booster, but Hunk pointed out that it would be difficult to control with only one. Lance wanted to add lasers that shot out anytime you stomped your foot, but that seemed pretty dangerous for like, running and stuff, so…”

It almost sounded like they expected him to still be fighting with this thing. Well, maybe he would. Eventually. After all, he wouldn’t feel right about just ignoring the existence of the war when the people he cared about were still out there fighting it, so he’d do his best to get back into shape. Maybe he could convince them to find a Coalition planet for him that had soldiers he could fight with someday.

It wouldn’t be the same as fighting with this team, his...his friends. But at least he wouldn’t be completely useless.

He met Pidge’s eyes and realized she was still waiting on an answer from him. Part of him wanted to keep his words to a minimum, not wanting her to hear his new speech impediment, but he swallowed his pride. “It, uh...whatever you guys come up with I’m sure will be great.” He actually hadn’t even been sure whether to expect them to work on it themselves, or put it off on the Tellimites or some other able species. It made sense, though, that Pidge and Hunk would want to jump on this opportunity to design something they had never gotten to do before. He forced a small smile. “But...yeah, let’s hold off on weaponizing it.”

Smirking, Pidge turned off the tablet and stuck it back in her pocket. “Alright, if you insist. Lance is gonna be super disappointed, though.”

“I’m sure.” He could hear the whining and complaining about how boring and unimaginative he was now.

“So, I was supposed to ask you about breakfast…?”

Keith stared down at his hands. “Oh. Yeah. I don’...think I’m really ready to...try to move around yet, so…”

He was such a bad liar. But Pidge either didn’t notice or was being nice and pretending not to, merely nodding and standing.

“Okay. I’ll tell Shiro, he’ll probably bring you a plate down here.”

“Thanks, Pidge.”

She turned back from the doorway and smiled softly at him. “No problem.”

The nightmares came that night.

And the next. And the next.

Snippets of things he didn’t remember during the day, and wouldn’t remember again when he woke. Alarms blaring. Lights flashing. A horrifying crunching sound, then crippling pain and a bitter taste in the back of his throat.

And then...nothing. No one came. No one heard him calling. He stayed there, alone and bleeding in the dark, until the pain became too much and he slipped away.

He woke with tears streaming down his cheeks and a scream on his lips that didn’t quite make it out into the still air of the infirmary, not knowing what he was even crying about other than the nauseating loneliness that weighed him down, pinning him to the bed.

Forcing his right hand to be the one to clumsily scrub away the tears - because it was going to work, dang it - he gritted his teeth and pushed against the weight to flop over onto his side.

Get over it. Get over it, get used to it, stop being such a baby. You’ve always known that this wouldn’t last. It’s a miracle they’ve stuck around for as long as they have. If you try to hang onto them they’ll just end up hating you before they leave.

He got away with hiding in the infirmary for two days before Fallenta declared him well enough to be up and about, and Shiro and Allura showed up with the Altean version of crutches. They escorted him slowly down the halls of the Castle to the dining room, chatting amiably the whole way. Keith assumed it was meant to either distract him from his plight, or to keep themselves from staring and pitying.

“Hey, look who finally decided to join us!” Lance announced loudly as soon as he hobbled into the room. “It’s about time you were out of bed, Mullet-head.”

“What Lance means,” Hunk sighed, “is that it’s good to see you up, Keith.”

“That it is, Number Four!” Coran rushed to pull out his usual seat, and his smile was so bright Keith couldn’t even be mad about the special treatment. “You had us all worried for a while there, for sure!”

Swallowing, Keith fiddled with his spork, unsure whether he was supposed to respond. “Um...yeah. Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Keith.” Shiro smiled at him softly, knowingly. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

He just barely kept another ‘sorry’ from escaping. Instead he nodded, picked up his spork with his left hand, and changed the subject. “So, uh...wha’s been going on lately?”

That was all it took for everyone to launch into tales of short missions in the Lions, repairs on Red, and alliances with Tellima. Keith barely remembered to keep eating his goo as he watched all of the animated faces and gesturing hands with a small smile on his face. It was good to be back among his teammates. They were so unlike him in so many ways, it was no wonder that he had never really fit in with them. But he cared about them anyway. They might not feel the same way about him, but he was so glad that they had become a part of his life.

And now they wouldn’t be anymore. Scowling down into his bowl where no one would notice, he poked at the green goo. How did I let myself get so attached? Before Shiro, it had been many, many years since he had let himself care about anyone this much. He should have known better by then. Letting himself come to consider any person or place home was just setting himself up for heartbreak.

As much as he loved spending this last bit of time with them, he almost wished they would stop acting so natural, as if they weren’t getting ready to kick him out any day now. No one mentioned a search for a new paladin. No one said whether they were headed to Earth, or some other planet.

He wasn’t going to be able to stand the suspense for many more days. They needed to just get it over with.

Later that night, after waking from another nightmare back in his own room, Keith stared at the bare walls, so lifeless compared to the other paladin’s rooms. Maybe I was always prepared for this moment, after all. Or maybe he had just been kicked out and left behind so many times that the ability to settle in was impossible for him no matter where he went.

Struggling to sit up, he groped for the crutches and pulled himself to his feet. He wasn’t going to get back to sleep anytime soon, and no one had expressly forbidden him from venturing out on his own - not that it would have stopped him even if they had.

It took far too long to make it down the four hallways between his room and Red’s hangar. Walking with crutches used a whole new set of muscles that he wasn’t used to accessing, and trying to force his right side to carry that much weight was exhausting. He had to stop and lean against the wall, panting for breath, several times along the way.

But he made it, eventually. He paused once more outside the door, debating whether or not he was actually ready to see the damage done to Red, before he sucked it up and punched the scanner.

He wasn’t ready.

The great mechanical beast was lying on her side, a position that somehow managed to make her look vulnerable despite her hulking size. Her legs were splayed awkwardly as if she had just been dropped there. She probably had.

The worst part, though, was that her face was nearly unrecognizable. What had once been her muzzle was completely smashed in, there were spiderweb cracks across one of her dull grey eyes, and the other was missing altogether.

Actually, he took that back. The worst part was the cold and the silence.

No purr in his head to greet him. No eyes lighting up in recognition of her Paladin. No warmth filling up his chest and spreading out to his fingers and toes. With Red, there was always some kind of heat. Now, though, a shiver shook his body.

Clenching his jaw, Keith forced himself a few steps closer, until he could reach out, balancing precariously, and lay a hand against her warped, dented nose. It was cold, too.

Suddenly tears sprang to his eyes for the first time since his panic attack a couple of days before. “‘m sorry, Red.” He stroked his hand over the metal, feeling all of the bumps that shouldn’t have been there. “I’m sorry this happened to you. You didn’t deserve it. You...you’ve always protected me, and…”

Tipping his head back, he took in the mess of a cockpit again, and this time he saw flashes of his nightmare. Something sharp pinning him to the chair. Blood dripping onto the floor.

One tear escaped, sliding rapidly down to his chin. “I don’t even know how I survived this. But if either of us deserved to survive, it’s you. Please, Red...if you can hear me at all...please don’t give up. I know I...I can’t fly you anymore, but…”

It hit him then, the brutal truth of that statement. He’d never fly her again. He might never fly anything again. He’d known it ever since finding out what had happened to him, but now it stabbed him through the heart, how much he was going to miss this semi-sentient alien ship.

Before he knew it, he was falling none-too-gracefully to the floor, one hand planted in front of him while the other remained on her snout, crutches clattering loudly to the side. The tears came in earnest, then. “Red...Red I lost my leg. I...I can’t fight anymore, I can’t fly…I’m useless.”

He’d told her that before. That time, though, she had reassured him that no, he was her Paladin, he was a defender of the universe, not useless. Never useless.

But now there was no one to reassure him. Even if she had been able, Red would know the truth. He wasn’t her Paladin anymore, he wasn’t a defender of the universe. He was useless.

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jay4firefic · 3 years

Text

Last Train Home

Summary: When a train crashes just outside of LA, Buck doesn’t expect to find his ex-fiance Kelly Severide searching the wreckage for Shay. And this close to the anniversary of Andy Darden’s death - the event that broke them both, and their relationship with them - he’s not willing to stand by and watch any more old friends die. 3x18 rewrite for anon.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“Pacific West 1135 from Phoenix to LA has derailed somewhere near the LA County line. Whatever your mass casualty protocol is, activate it. I need fire and rescue, USAR, local PD - everyone you can send, as fast as you can send them.”

“I’ll call them now. It seems like you’ve done this before.”

“I’m a firefighter out of Chicago. Dealt with a train crash before. Look, I’m going back in--”

“Sir, I need you to stay on the line. Help is on the way.”

“Help’s gonna be too late for a lot of these people.”

Click.

------

Buck dozes restlessly for most of the hour long ride to the county line, jerking awake every time Mason hits a pothole or flips the sirens on to speed through traffic. He’s exhausted, has barely slept in days, because every time dreams pull him under he sees a wall of fire rushing toward him and a burning body on the floor. He knows from experience that the rest of the week will be just as bad.

Four years and the anniversary of Darden’s death hasn’t gotten any damn easier.

“Hey, Buckaroo,” Hen calls through the headset, her hand on his knee. When Buck cracks his eyes open he can see her leaning toward him in the darkness of the cab. “You alright? You’ve been awfully quiet.”

“Am I supposed to be cracking jokes on the way to a mass casualty?” he asks, and regrets it immediately. “Sorry, I’m sorry. I’m fine, Hen, just having a bad day.”

She opens her mouth as if to speak again, Eddie leaning in on Buck’s other side to eye him with concern, only to be cut off when the truck shudders to a stop in the dirt. Buck is first out the door just to get away from those looks. He stops dead just outside and doesn’t move until Eddie runs into his back.

The headlights of the trucks and a few hastily set up flood lights are the only thing illuminating the scene outside, throwing deep shadows and obscuring a good chunk of the wreckage. It still looks like something that belongs on a film set rather than in real life. Twisted plastic and metal litter the ground, smoke is pouring out of one of the train cars, and even in the darkness Buck can see bodies - pieces of them, at least - scattered in every direction.

“Jesus,” Buck breathes, while Eddie mutters what might be a curse or might be a prayer in Spanish beside him. A moment later they turn in unison at the sound of Bobby’s voice.

“Buck, Eddie, go have a look. See if there’s a way to secure that car so we can get those people out.”

Buck nods jerkily as he moves away to pull the rest of his gear on and picks his way across the debris field in Eddie’s wake, trying not to look too hard at what’s under his feet. He’s seen more than his fair share of mass casualties before - the earthquake, the tsunami - but he’s always been in the middle of them, experiencing it right alongside the victims. Something about showing up to pick up the pieces after the worst of it is over hits him differently.

He’s shaken enough that he doesn’t even register the shouting at first. A man’s voice, hoarse and desperate, raised above the more measured tones of another pair of firefighters. He would have walked right past if Eddie hadn’t led them toward the scuffle.

“Get out of my goddamn way, I need to get back into that car!”

Eddie steps forward, lets the other guys escape back to doing the real work of saving people. Buck lingers several feet behind him to continue surveying the precariously tilted train car, but no matter what angle he looks at it from one thing is clear. There’s no good way in. Not without risking the whole thing coming down on them.

“Sir, I’m sorry. We can’t let you inside. It’s too dangerous.”

“I know it’s dangerous, I’m a fucking firefighter. I need to get into that car. My girl is in there.”

“I hear you,” Eddie says, hands extended and voice level. There’s something so familiar about the other voice that Buck finally glances over his shoulder at the argument. “I’m sorry.”

“Wait,” the man stumbles forward in the dark, grabbing Eddie’s sleeve. The light finally catches the silver in his hair, the piercing blue of his eyes, the blood dripping down his face from a ragged cut across his brow. Buck would recognize that face anywhere. “Are you from the 118?”

“Yeah,” Eddie replies, voice full of confusion, as Buck’s voice cracks around a soft cry of, “Kelly?”

Kelly’s gaze snaps to him immediately, eyes going wide as Buck pulls off his helmet and turns toward the light. “Buck?”

And suddenly Buck’s feet are moving without his consent and the handful of yards between them have disappeared. His gloves are off and his hands are cupping Kelly’s stubble-roughened cheeks before his brain catches up with his body, and by then it’s too late. He inspects the cut on Kelly’s brow, the way he’s cradling his left arm across his torso at an implausible angle, and barely even sees the strange look Eddie is giving him in his peripheral vision. “You were on the train? Why the hell aren’t you collared and backboarded?”

“I’m fine,” Kelly bites out. He shakes Buck’s hands off and tries to push past him, hissing in pain when their shoulders collide.

“Kelly, we need to get you checked out.”

“No, I’m fine. I need to get back up there. I need--”

“That’s crazy. No, no, Kelly, stop.” Buck hauls Kelly back by his good shoulder, forces him to sit on a nearby piece of rubble. The fact that it’s so easy to move him is proof enough that he shouldn’t be going anywhere.

“Shay is still in there!” Kelly’s voice breaks as he tries to gain his feet again only to wobble and sit down heavily. Clearly concussed, and still too stubborn to stop trying to be the hero. “Shay is still--”

Buck sucks in a sharp breath and feels his heart rate spike with panic. Shay is still in there. Shay is still in there. Andy died four years ago this week and Shay is still in there. “Where were you?” he manages to ask around the lump in his throat.

“We were in the top car, all the way in the back.” Kelly uses his good arm to point to the upended train car, because of course that’s where they were. The only person Buck has ever met with worse luck than himself is Kelly Severide. “She fell asleep. I went to get a drink, and…”

“We’ll find her.” Buck looks up at the groaning slab of metal and glass and swallows back bile. “Eddie and I will find her, alright? But you have to stay here.”

“Hell no--”

“Kel, if you go into that train you’re going to end up another victim we have to rescue. And every second I spend pulling your ass out of the wreckage will be another second Shay isn’t getting help. I’m going to find her. I’m going to bring her back to you. But you need to stay here, alright?” When Kelly keeps fighting him, Buck plays dirty. He smacks Kelly’s shoulder - dislocated, he’s pretty sure - and watches all of the color drain out of his face. “Stay here. I’ll find her.”

Kelly’s glare might frighten someone else - is enough to have Eddie stepping up to Buck’s shoulder to back him up - but Buck knows better. He crosses his arms and glares back and when Buck doesn’t back down Kelly finally folds, nodding his head and then wincing when it clearly pains him. Buck is already starting to turn away when Kelly catches his sleeve and somehow, the look on his face when Buck glances back at him is worse than the glare. Raw and painful and scared like Buck has only seen him a few times.

“If you can’t get her out…”

“We’re going to get her out.”

“Evan,” Kelly says, low and desperate. “If you can’t get her out, tell her I love her, okay? Tell her I love her.”

Buck tugs his sleeve free of Kelly’s grasp and shakes his head stubbornly. “I’m going to get her out.”

------

“So, Kelly, huh?”

Buck knows Eddie is just looking for something to distract them both from crawling over dead bodies to get into the crumpled train car. He just wishes Eddie would pick literally any other topic. Instead of answering he keys his radio, reports, “two black tags at the entrance to the car.”

“Is that the Kelly I’m thinking of, Buck?”

“My ex-fiance Kelly?” Buck replies, because there’s no way he’s getting out of this conversation no matter how much he doesn’t want to have it. “Yep. That’s Kelly.”

“You didn’t tell me he was…”

“A guy? Yeah, well, I didn’t tell you a lot of things, Eds.” His bitter laugh comes out breathless as he starts climbing the seats like the world’s most awkward ladder. There’s another lifeless body halfway up the car - Eddie stops to confirm her obvious death while Buck keeps going, dragging himself a few awkward inches at a time up toward the cascade of blonde hair barely visible at the top of the car. “Shay? Shay, is that you?!”

A pained groan echoes through the train and one of the pale hands hanging over the edge of the furthest seat twitches. Buck’s heart is in his throat as he scrambles up the last few feet to brace himself between a steel beam and a half-crushed seat, reminding himself all the while that it might not be her. It might not be her. But--

It is.

Buck sags with relief as Shay lifts her head to look at him, blinking hard when her eyes won’t seem to focus. “Buck?”

“Hey, Shay.” Buck nearly sobs, covers it with a shaky laugh as Eddie approaches. “What’s a pretty girl like you doing in a dump like this?”

“Dunno.” She looks around as much as she can without moving her head, her eyes widening as she takes in Buck, scraped and covered in grime already, and the disaster behind him. “Shit.”

“Yeah. How are you feeling?” Buck takes one of her hands in his and is relieved when she winds her fingers through his. He yanks the glove off of his other hand with his teeth and checks the pulse in her neck - it’s racing, and he doesn’t like the sound of her breathing. He tries not to look at the way Eddie is frowning as he climbs behind Shay to inspect what’s keeping her pinned.

“Hurts when I breathe,” she replies, squeezing his hand weakly. “You sure I’m not dead?”

“Pretty sure, yeah.”

“Weird. Could swear I’m looking at the face of an angel.” There’s blood on her teeth when she smiles, and her eyes still won’t focus on his face, but Buck grins anyway. A moment later it melts off his face when her expression turns to panic. “Kelly--”

“Is fine,” Buck cuts her off. “Busted his arm and he’s gonna need a few stitches, but he’s fine, okay? We’re worrying about you right now. Eddie?”

Eddie grimaces as he slides back down to lean against the seats on the other side of the aisle. He thumbs his radio, speaking to Buck and Bobby at the same time. “Cap, we got a passenger up here. Looks like the support beam from the observation deck broke through the floor. Need you to send up the jaws.”

“Copy that,” Bobby’s voice crackles through both of their radios. “Coming right up.”

The waiting is always the worst part. Shay’s breathing is labored and uneven, her eyes taking longer and longer to open between each blink. Buck cups her jaw and rubs his thumb across her cheek until the forces herself to look at him again, asks, “What the hell are you two doing on a train in Los Angeles anyway?”

“Andy loved trains,” Shay mumbles, leaning her head heavily into his palm. She doesn’t seem to notice the way Buck flinches at Andy’s name, but Eddie sure as hell does. “Kelly found this old list - bucket list, that they made when they joined CFD. Kid stuff, y’know? Buy a motorcycle, marry a beautiful woman, hike the Grand Canyon...we decided to check some things off the list.”

“The train was coming from Arizona.” Buck only remembers bits and snatches of Bobby’s briefing as they had all piled into the truck, but just like always it’s the random pieces of trivia that get stuck in his mind. “Let me guess, Grand Canyon?”

“It’s very grand.” Shay coughs - wheezes, really, because she can’t get enough breath in to do anything more. Buck is pretty sure her ribs are busted, among other things, but as long as the beam is pinning her to the seat it’s impossible to confirm.

“What’s next?” Buck asks, sending a panicked glance toward Eddie when her eyes drift closed again. He can hear someone climbing up below them, hopefully bringing the requested equipment, and sends up a prayer to a God he long ago stopped believing in that it’s soon enough to save her. “What’s next, Shay? Marry a beautiful woman? We’ve got plenty of those in LA.”

Shay shakes her head without opening her eyes. And fuck, her lips are turning blue. “Hollywood Walk of Fame. Surfing in California. Then Mexico.”

“Hey.” The seat Buck is braced against shudders as Bobby uses it to haul himself up the last few feet. “Take this, Buck. Eddie, what’s going on?”

“Think she might have a collapsed lung from the blunt force,” Eddie replies as Buck releases Shay and scrambles to get the jaws in position. “I can relieve the pressure, but we gotta move the beam off her.”

Buck growls in frustration as the jaws shudder and fail to make any progress toward that goal. “Still too heavy, Cap. It’s not gonna budge.”

“Alright. Let’s try the hydraulic ram.”

Buck braces his feet against the seats and grunts as he takes the heavy piece of equipment from Bobby and jams it into the space between the upturned floor and the beam. He determinedly doesn’t pay attention to the way Shay’s head has sagged forward against the seat again, or how Eddie is frowning at the O2 sensor he just slipped onto her finger, his mutter of, “Oxygen levels are dropping. Definitely a collapsed lung.” All he can do is move the damn beam.

With the horrible sound of warping metal, the thing finally starts to move. Shay takes a deeper breath as the pressure holding her against the seat begins to relax - and then the screaming starts. Buck stops the ram before Bobby’s shouts even register, watches Eddie and Bobbie drop down a few seats, and has maybe the most selfish thought he’s ever had in his life. He wishes there was no one else alive up here, because every second they spend treating someone else is a second they aren’t rescuing Shay.

Buck closes his eyes, tries to breathe through the panic as Eddie announces the girl’s broken leg, the fact that it’s still receiving blood flow, over the horrible wet background noise of Shay’s breaths becoming more labored. It takes all of his willpower to put his back to Shay and move down to meet them halfway between the victims, and when he speaks his voice comes out hoarse and breathless. “What’s going on?”

“They’re both trapped by the same beam,” Bobby announces, and Buck’s heart drops into his stomach. “We take the pressure off one and we’re squeezing the other. Which one has the better shot?”

Eddie glances up at Buck once before shaking his head. “Injuries are different, the risk is the same.”

“Wait, what are we saying?” Breathe, Buck reminds himself. Nothing is decided yet. Shay is still getting out of here, she has to get out of here alive. “We gotta pick who to save?”

Bobby looks at him pityingly and Buck is pretty sure his heart stops beating for a second. “I’m saying I don’t think we can save ‘em both.”

“Fuck.” Buck slams his fist against the nearest seat.

“Look,” Bobby says, holding one hand up placatingly while balancing himself with the other. “We’re gonna give them both some pain meds and try to figure this out, okay? We’re not giving up yet. But we have to be prepared.”

Buck nods mutely while Eddie reaches for his bag, climbs back up to Shay so that Eddie can get past with a handful of medical supplies. He takes one of her hands and watches as Eddie pulls his gloves off and then takes the other, looking for a vein in the light of his helmet lamp and making a small triumphant noise when he finds one. “You’re gonna feel a little pinch.”

Shay lets out a shaky exhale that might be a weak attempt at laughter. “Not my biggest concern right now, buddy.”

“I know,” Eddie replies. He gets the needle in on the first try and pushes the painkillers only moments later. “Alright, Shay. This is for the pain. It should hit you pretty soon.”

“I sure as hell hope so.” If she’s got energy to be snarky Buck has to believe she’s got the energy to hang on a little while longer, even if she can’t really lift her head anymore.

“Keep her talking,” Eddie commands as he passes Buck on his way back down to the other woman. Buck determinedly doesn’t listen to Eddie’s low conversation with Bobby and the victim, doesn’t want to know what her chances are because if they’re good it means Shay’s aren’t.

“It’s her...or me, isn’t it?” Shay wheezes, managing to roll her head to the side and watch Buck’s face. Her eyes are dull and tired beneath a tangle of bloody blonde hair, almost resigned.

“No,” Buck says, with more confidence than he feels. She just smiles sadly as he reaches up to brush the hair out of her face - she’s always been able to see right through him. “No, that’s not what we do. Tell me about your trip.”

“God, I missed you, kid,” she says instead, too quiet for anyone else to hear. “Every day. He does too, you know?”

“I know,” Buck replies, even though he doesn’t. If Kelly had really missed him all these years it would have been easy enough to fly out to LA and tell him that, or even just call him - everyone at 51 knew where he was the whole damn time. Hell, Kelly even knew what house he’s with. He’s spared from having to listen to Shay insist by Bobby’s grunt. “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay, I’m calling it,” Bobby says as soon as Buck has joined their little huddle. “We start with this girl, we get her out.”

“Copy that,” Eddie says, like it’s any other order on any other day, while Buck’s world collapses beneath him.

“No!” He feels sick. He feels dizzy. Andy died four years ago this week and Shay is being crushed by a beam right in front of his eyes and… “No, it’s gonna crush Shay’s other lung. She’ll die.”

“I am aware of that. The protocol dictates that we save whoever has the better chance, and Eddie’s saying that’s the girl.”

“No.” Buck can’t wrap his brain around the concept of a world without Leslie Shay in it. He hasn’t seen her in over three damn years, but she’s always been there on the other end of the phone - sending him pictures of Kelly and the stupid cat he still pretends to hate, updating him on the latest gossip from 51, asking when he’s going to come home. What the hell is he going to do without someone to remind him that he’s always got a home to go back to, no matter how bad things might get in LA?

“Her vitals are stronger, Shay’s starting to decompensate. If we have to choose--”

“We do,” Bobby interjects. “We can’t move that steel beam.”

Buck has his mouth open to argue when the whole train car shudders and tilts. He grabs onto the nearest seatback and risks a glance over his shoulder at Shay, at the way her shoulders are shuddering with every inhale, at the blood on her lips, at the knowing look in her eyes. “Okay,” he says, “okay, you’re right. We can’t move the beam. But the skin on this thing, the skin is stainless. That’s much thinner. I could go outside, I could cut a piece out, pull the girl through, and that will buy us enough time to save Shay.”

“No.” Bobby’s frustration is clear - he thinks Buck is wasting time. And maybe he is, but he’s trying to buy enough of it to keep Shay alive. “This car hasn’t been secured, that’s why we’re working on the inside. If this thing topples, we can ride it down. But if you’re on the outside…”

Buck cuts him off. “Yeah, I know. I will be crushed by 100 tons of train car, and I know that is a lot heavier than a fire truck.” He says it matter of factly, like the thought of being crushed between another piece of metal and the cold, hard ground isn’t making his stomach twist up in knots. Like he doesn’t still wake up screaming and clutching at his bad leg at least two nights a week. Because right now, none of that matters. Only Shay does. “But Bobby…”

“Buck, stop,” Eddie says. Endlessly reasonable Eddie. “I know you made a promise.”

“What promise?”

“To Shay’s boyfriend,” Eddie clarifies, and Buck doesn’t bother to correct him. He’s got bigger problems at the moment than whether Kelly and Shay are still getting mistaken for a couple after all these years.

“I promised I would bring her back to him,” Buck says instead.

“What?” Bobby’s expression is caught somewhere between horror and anger.

“To Kelly,” Eddie says, and his expression is just disgusted. “Her boyfriend is Kelly.”

Shock flickers across Bobby’s face, then resignation. “Okay.”

“No, look,” Buck reaches out one hand desperately, trying to keep Bobby from turning away. From killing Shay. “She’s one of us. She’s a paramedic in Chicago, okay? She saves lives every day. We can’t just let her die.”

“Stop,” Bobby says, finally raising his voice. “You are too close to this. This is too risky.”

“Well, I am willing to take the risk.” Willing to trade his life for his, if that’s what it takes.

This time Bobby snaps. “It’s not yours to take. You can’t just rush into any dangerous situation and assume it’s gonna be okay. ‘Cause sometimes it’s not, and I am tired of being on the wrong side of those hospital visits.”

And Buck is - he’s just sick of it. He’s not a child running headlong into danger because he doesn’t understand the consequences. He’s been a firefighter for nine fucking years, he’s watched friends and strangers die right in front of his eyes. Nearly died himself more than once. There’s no way he would rather go out than saving someone - anyone, but especially a friend.

“Bobby,” he grits out. “I am not Athena. And I am not your son.”

“What did you just say to me?”

“Enough!” Eddie shouts over the both of them. “We don’t have time for this. Buck, come on.”

“No.” Buck doesn’t look away from Bobby. Wills him to understand that he has to do this. “Nobody has to die, okay? I can save them both. So stop wasting time and let me do it.”

Bobby switches to a different tactic, visibly pushing his frustration down and reaching for the expression of a disappointed but hopeful father. “Buck, you don’t owe this to Kelly, alright? You don’t owe him your life.”

“This isn’t about Kelly!” Buck can feel his voice raising, hear the other girl crying and the way Shay has started whimpering with every exhale. “This is about Shay. I would dig her out of here with my bare fucking hands whether Kelly is here or not. And I am not going to let her die because you’re more worried about risking harm to me than guaranteeing her death. I’m going out there whether you like it or not - so either help me, or get the hell out of my way.”

Buck turns and scrambles back up the seats to Shay and his gear. He has a harness, rope, a saw. He can do this on his own if he has to, though it would be easier with Eddie’s help. Eddie who is busy having a furiously whispered conversation with Bobby that he doesn’t care to listen in on. If he has to listen to them weighing the value of his life against Shay’s he’s going to start screaming and he’s not sure he’ll be able to stop.

“Buck,” Shay whispers, watching as he ties the rope onto his harness and starts searching for an anchor point near the window he intends to go out of. “I can still hear, you know. You don’t have to do this.”

“I know,” Buck replies. A thrill of triumph runs through him as Bobby shouts up that he’s going down to see if they can stabilize the car and orders Eddie to ‘help Buck, before he gets himself killed.’ “I know, but I want to. No place I’d rather be than between you and certain death.”

“Kelly will forgive you.”

“It’s not about Kelly!” Buck snaps at her, wincing when she flinches away from the noise. He feels Eddie at his shoulder, passes off the rope to him and starts working on busting open a window instead. “I am not going to watch any more friends die, Shay. Not this week, not ever if there’s anything I can do about it. Don’t ask me to do that. And don’t ask me to walk out of here without a scratch and tell Kelly the love of his life is dead either, okay?”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Shay sighs, quieter with every word. Buck can barely hear her over the sound of the window shattering. They’re running out of time. “That’s always been you.”

It’s not true, Buck knows. It’s always been Kelly-and-Shay, it always will be Kelly-and-Shay, and he was never jealous of that. They love each other, are meant to grow old and gray and die together. They loved him too, once, and maybe they still do, but it’s not the same.

“Just shut up and let me save you,” he says, as Eddie finishes rigging up the rope and pulley.

He makes the mistake of looking back at her one more time and sees tears cutting tracks in the blood and grime on her face. “If I don’t make it out of this--”

“Don’t.”

“If I don’t make it out of this, Evan, just...tell Kelly I love him, okay?”

“You’re going to make it out of this.”

“I love you too, kid. Never stopped.”

Buck exchanges a tense glance with Eddie and hauls himself and the saw out the window without another word.

------

“That’s Buckley, isn’t it?” Kelly demands of the man wearing Captain’s gear and barking orders into a radio. He had come out of the upended train car looking tense and pissed off, and isn’t any happier when he rounds on Kelly. “What the hell is he doing?”

“Kelly, right?” Captain Nash asks, and he looks a little like he’d rather be punching Kelly than talking to him. “Your girlfriend is alive. And she’s going to stay that way, even if it kills Buck.”

Kelly doesn’t bother to correct him, or to respond to the barely veiled accusation in his words. He only has eyes for Buck and the shuddering, creaking train car he’s descending on a rope, putting his life at risk to save someone else’s. Just like Kelly has watched him do dozens of times before. Except it’s nothing like before, because he can’t stop thinking, I sent him in there. I sent him in there and now he might die. But it was for Shay, and it’s - it’s an impossible choice, Buck or Shay, the woman who’s never left his side or the love he chased away because he couldn’t see past his own grief.

He would trade places with either of them in a heartbeat.

“Come on, Evan,” Kelly murmurs. “Come on. You’ve got this.”

Second half coming later this week.

#chicago fire fanfiction #9-1-1 fanfiction #9-1-1 on fox #evan buckley #kelly severide #leslie shay #eddie diaz #buck x kelly severide #my fic #3x18 rewrite

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