#kenma angst

[emmyrosee]

Kenma loves you. He'd do everything for you.

But right now, five minutes away from marrying you, he's having one of the worst panic attacks in his life. Who thought inviting this many people to a wedding was a good idea? Who thought his social anxiety could manage that?

And when he manages to work himself into an absolute mess, clutching his chest as he grunts and pants into the air, he thinks this is it. This is when it crumbles, he’s going to pass out, and when he wakes up, you’re going to have left him for someone better, someone who can offer you the life you deserve.

Even with Kuroo cupping his cheeks in his hands, begging him to breathe and ground himself, asking him to look for colors and do basic math, it’s not enough. Now, there’s too many eyes on him, too many voices in his head, too much judgement. His world is spinning faster.

Until you come in.

You, pushing Kuroo out of the way, resting your forehead against Kenma’s as your thumbs roll over his hot cheeks, come in to save him, like a knight in shining armor. He grabs at you, letting the textures guide him back to some form of grounded, enough where the ringing in his ears stops and he can finally, finally, get a breath in.

“Hey,” you whisper.

“Hey,” he managed, but its tight and choked and filled with snot.

You don’t care. You move a hand to gently pet his hair, smoothing the messy locks from his face and hooking them behind his ear.

“Whats got you so spooked? Huh?”

“C-ant. Tell you.”

“Shhh, okay. That’s okay. Thank you for letting me know.”

Because kenma can’t tell you he can’t go out there and marry you in front of all those people. You’ll be heartbroken. But for now, all he can do is indulge in your touch and whimper out a few more sobs, hoping the feeling of suffocation will let off of his chest within a few more moments.

#kenma kozume #kenma kozume angst #kenma kozume x reader #kenma kozume x reader angst #kenma kozume x gn!reader #kenma kozume imagine #kenma kozume haikyuu #kenma #kenma angst #kenma x reader #kenma x reader angst #kenma x gn!reader #kenma imagine #kenma haikyuu #haikyuu #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x reader angst #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu x yn #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x gn!reader #haikyuu x gender neutral reader

[rishiguro]

GAME OVER - K. KENMA

warnings: hurt/no comfort. 3.7k of angst. break up. yelling. talking about abandonment. heartbreak. no beta, we die like ao3.

zipping the suitcase shut, you closed your eyes. this was your second and last one. you were practically done, your best friend has confirmed that they were already on the way and soon you would be out of here the rest of your stuff was already at their place, you had made sure that today, the day you were finally leaving, everything you had would leave this place.

you had planned this. you knew you wanted this. and it’s not like your soon-to-be-ex boyfriend ever mentioned something about your belongings slowly disappearing, if he even noticed it – which he probably didn’t.

after all, he didn’t even notice you growing distant over the last couple of weeks. 

quickly you lifted the luggage from the bed and pushed it into the hallway. you wanted to leave as soon as possible, hell, you wouldn’t even mind waiting outside, even though it was freezing and snowing without an end in sight. but for now you decided to stay inside, after all you knew that kenma had plans. not that he would’ve told you personally, but you overheard him talking to his best friend on the phone last night.

as it turned out however, this didn’t seem to be the case.

you were currently walking around the apartment one last time, checking if you had taken everything with you before finally leaving, when something made you stop in your tracks, your hand tightening around one of the straps of your backpack.

you could practically feel your heart stop as you heard the door unlock and fall shot shortly after, followed by keys being tossed into the bowl right next to it.

why was he home? he wasn’t supposed to be home. 

“(y/n)?” you heard him call out for you and instantly your heartbeat sped up rapidly. he sounded puzzled and slightly irritated, which affirmed your belief that he saw the luggage in the hallway. “what’s going on?”

with a clenched jaw you forced yourself to calm down, your feet taking you to come face to face with him. “why are you home? i thought you wanted to go over to tetsurou’s place,” you stated calmly, forcing your voice to sound as bored as possible. you didn’t want him to know of the turmoil you felt inside of you.

kenma narrowed his eyes at you. “you didn’t answer my question”

shrugging, you pointed roughly into the direction of your suitcases. “well what does it look like? i’m leaving”

you don’t know how you were expecting him to react. shock? sadness? or even relief?

what you didn’t expect was to look at his ever so apathetic face as he only raised his eyebrows slightly at you. “haha, very funny” 

you could only blink at him for a few moments before you shook your head, muttering something to yourself. you shouldn’t be so surprised that he didn’t take you seriously. it’s not like he respected or even reacted to anything you told him before anyways.

good. maybe that would make it easier for you to leave.

“sure,” you whispered, not being able to mask the hurt and anger in your voice completely. 

you should have left earlier. you should have just gone outside despite the thick snow and cold wind instead of waiting for your friend to text you.

“come on, i know you’re joking,” kenma rolled his eyes at you as he spoke. “you wouldn’t just leave like that. did someone put you up to this stupid prank?”

scoffing, you let your backpack fall to the ground, clenching your first on your side.

a couple of months ago you would have tried to excuse the apathy in his voice and even excuse his way of dismissing you and whatever you were doing, telling yourself that he was tired or just busy but once this period was over he would again be the loving and attentive young man you fell in love with.

but he wasn’t anymore. and he hasn’t been for a long while.

furrowing your eyebrows you looked down to your backpack, rusting in it for a couple of seconds before pulling out a white, slightly wrinkled envelope. you took a deep breath to gather yourself before looking back up at him. “i wanted to leave this on the table, but since you’re here already” you held it out in front of you, looking at him expectantly.

with a confused look on his face, kenma reached out, taking the paper from you with slow hands, his bewildered eyes never leaving your stone-cold expression.

he looked down at it, seeing that it was addressed to him, his name handwritten in big, cursive letters. “what’s that supposed to be?”

“i told you, i’m leaving,” you repeated coldly.

with skeptic eyes he looked at the white paper for a second before meeting your eyes again. “why would you?” he sounded confused, more bewildered than actually emotional.

of course he still didn’t believe you. 

you were here in front of him, your suitcases packed and a backpack on your shoulders and he still didn’t take you seriously. what would you have to do for him to just listen to you for one time?

you couldn’t help but scoff and roll your eyes at him, fingers tightening around the straps of your backpack before you swung it back onto yourself again, at the same time putting your shoes on. “read it and find out”

you jumped slightly as kenma spoke again, his voice now significantly louder than before, uncharacteristic for a quiet and rather apathetic person. “seriously? you say you’re leaving but can’t even tell me to my face why? really?” he sneered, taking a step closer to you.

in return you backed away, trying to keep your voice as low and steady as you could. “you have no reason to raise your voice at me right now”

after his hands had balled up the letter, kenma threw the paper on the ground. 

that’s what he was doing to what you were telling him. this is how much your words meant to him.

not even worth a listen, only worth to be thrown away.

“of course i have! i have every reason to! my partner wants to pack up and leave and doesn’t even have the heart to talk to me!” he continued yelling, pointing at you accusingly. 

of course everything was your fault. of course he didn’t listen. of course he didn’t entertain the possibility for even one second that everything you wanted to talk about and everything you argued about was serious.

you shook your head in disbelief, a shocked laugh escaping you. “suddenly you want to talk?”

“what the hell are you talking about”

every single word that left his mouth managed to drive the knife in your heart even deeper inside. did he ever even care? did the past years mean absolutely nothing to him? why was he so confused? did your concerns over all these months and years really mean nothing to him?

why did he care so little?

“if you want me to talk, sure, i’ll talk” you clenched your teeth, balling your hands to fists at your sides.

you looked back at him, letting out a deep breath before you summarized all your thoughts in just a few words, mentally begging that you could simply get out as fast as possible. “you don’t give a shit anymore. not about this relationship or about me”

you didn’t want to talk to him about it, afraid of what you might say or not say and afraid of what he might say. you didn’t want to see him stare at you as you poured your heart out, slap him in the face with every issue that‘s been laying heavy on your heart for way too long. you were afraid of breaking down crying in front of him, showing him just how much you hurt.

you simply couldn’t. you wouldn’t allow yourself to be so vulnerable in front of him, not in front of the person that made you feel so worthless and broken.

“i care about you!” kenma shouted back at you, taken aback by what you had just told him, “how could you say that i don’t?“

was that how he showed that he cared? ignoring you, arguing with you and constantly dismissing you? was that really how a person would show their love and care?

you scoffed. “no, you don’t, kenma! you stopped caring about us a long time ago,” you yelled, wanting nothing more than stomping your feet in frustration. why did he suddenly care so much? “you never talked to me unless it was to ask me to get you something because you were too lazy to get up and pause your game or wait before entering the next round. you never even thanked me when i brought you whatever it was you were asking for. you completely neglected your half of your chores and even had the audacity to get mad at me when i didn’t do them for you. and if that wasn’t enough, if i just as much as delayed mine for just a couple of hours because i came home from work exhausted as fuck, you found it in yourself to be angry at me too”

with every word you spoke you could see the anger in kenma‘s face disappear, instead shock and guilt taking it’s place. his entire stance loosened up, almost like he was about to lose balance on his feet. “(y/n), i-”

“i’m not done“ you continued to stare him down, a part of you taking pleasure in seeing his resolve crumble and see him look like a kicked dog. you know you shouldn’t, but you couldn’t help yourself. you suffered for so long, you were in pain for so long — he should know how he had made you feel all this time. “you never listened to me anymore, because whatever was on any of your screens was more important. i don’t know if it was a game, or a friend, at this point i wouldn’t even care if you had a side piece. because it’s not like this would matter anymore. whoever or whatever it was, is clearly more important to you”

kenma stepped back, looking away from you as he pressed his fingernails deeply into his palm. he opened and closed his mouth multiple times, unsure of what to say. that was until he finally settled on something. “you’re blowing this out of proportion,” he whispered.

you let out a breathy laugh. was he serious? blowing things out of proportion?

would he still say this if he knew just how many tears you shed because of this? if he knew how often you made excuses for him to not just yourself but your friends too, who desperately tried to help you realize that the relationship wasn’t healthy or good for you? how you were constantly doubting yourself, not knowing if you were the one expecting too much? would he finally realize everything if he knew how broken you felt?

turning away from him, you pressed your lips into a thin line, quickly flexing and relaxing your hands as you tried to ground yourself. with a sad smile you looked back at him again. “it was our anniversary a week ago. do you remember that?”

you could see how kenma‘s face fell, as he became even more overcome with guilt. so he really didn’t care anymore. “thought so. you didn’t even come home that night,“ you continued, melancholy overtaking you as you recounted the day mentally. the excitement and hope you felt when you first woke up and started your day, which slowly turned into sadness and hurt with every passing hour until you completely shut down the moment the new day began. “do you know how shitty it felt to sit at home and just wait for you to show up, only to realize that you actually forgot?”

you shook your head again, swallowing rapidly to get rid of the lump that was starting to form in your throat. “you. the guy that remembers every easter egg, every cheat code and every shortcut from practically every game he played over the last year. that guy forgot his anniversary. and his partner’s birthday too while we’re at it”

it seemed that now the harsh reality finally hit kenma. he nodded, looking down in shame as he fiddled with his fingers. he opened his mouth, only to close it again. and again. and again. you could see the gears turning in his head.

in the meanwhile, you felt relief. while you still didn’t like that you were standing in front of him and couldn’t just disappear as planned, never seeing him again, you got a sense of comforting retaliation with every passing second. maybe, just maybe, he could feel even just an ounce of what you felt. 

“(y/n), i can make it up to you, i promise, i’ll do anything. i didn’t mean to, i just got so caught up in everything,“ he tried to reason, miserably failing in his attempt to admit his faults without taking an ounce of accountability.

maybe he didn’t get it after all.

you narrowed your eyes at him. “you’re incredibly stupid if you actually believe that,” you stated with a shockingly monotone voice, shutting your eyes in defeat. “just face it, kenma. you didn’t care and don’t pretend to care now”

“but i did! i do!” he immediately claimed, stepping closer to you again, trying to take your hand, only for you to pull yours away as soon as his fingers touched your skin.

you sighed, holding your hands up in front of you in an attempt to protect yourself from every word that was leaving his mouth. he had already proved over and over again that he didn’t care about you — that he didn’t love you. so why couldn’t he allow you to finally leave and rid yourself from all this pain?

“stop. i can’t hear any of your lies before, really. i’m done with this too now, just like you are. shouldn’t you be happy now?” and yet again you felt your throat tighten. did kenma actually enjoy this? did he get some sick sense of pleasure from seeing you so hurt, so broken? why couldn’t he just let you go when this was what he made you believe he wanted?

“no one here that will annoy you when you’re gaming, no one that will force you to actually eat and no one that will drag you away from your pc so you can see the sun for at least five minutes. sounds like a dream, doesn’t it?”

“no,“ he denied, reaching out for you, only to see you back away even more.

“no? but that’s what you wanted” you refused to look at him, instead carefully and slowly making your way over to your suitcases.

kenma however didn’t want to see you go, his hand grabbing your arm in a desperate attempt to keep you here, by his side. “no it’s not”

you used your free hand to peel his from your arm, shaking your head again in defeat. “well, that’s what you got now at least”

he stood there frozen as he watched you grab the handles of your suitcases, taking a deep breath before you spoke again, this time with your back to him.

“you know, i really wanted us to last, kenma. i really did. i tried to talk to you about this, i wanted to work this out together. but you never listened” you sighed, not being able to stop a sad smile appearing on your lips. “kind of ironic that you do now”

you could feel your phone vibrating in your pocket. you could feel the hope rising in your chest, feeling relief at the thought of leaving this place. as you were about to step out, you stopped in your tracks, but refused to turn around. instead you glanced over to the window, seeing just how heavy the snow has gotten over the last hour. you clenched your jaw. “i asked tetsurou to come over later. i know you don’t like being alone at home when there’s supposed to be a snowstorm”

when you stepped even further away from him, finally reaching the door, kenma was ripped out of his frozen state, jumping forward and grabbing your arm once again. “(y/n), no!” he yelled out. 

your jaw clenched as soon as he touched you again, your mind falling into a loop of yelling at you to simply rip yourself away from him and leave without any other word and the other part simply begging him to finally let you go. you took a deep breath. “you’re going to close your eyes and let go of me. you’re going to count to ten. and when you open your eyes again, i’ll be gone”

it seemed so easy for him to hurt you over and over again, and yet he couldn’t seem to let you go. did he love to see you in such pain and misery? did he really just want to hurt you? 

“please don’t do this to me,“ kenma begged, his voice significantly more hoarse than before.

you scoffed. it’s not like you were doing this all just to hurt him — you simply wanted to be better, more than just feel blue day in and day out. you wanted to live again, not rot with a boyfriend that didn’t give a damn about you. “let go of me”

he grew more and more desperate, pulling on your sleeves like a child. “please don’t do this to us!”

“there is no ‘us’, kenma!” you finally yelled at him, confirming not just to him, but really to yourself that you actually meant what you said and wrote down. you were over and there was nothing he could do to change it. “didn’t you hear me? it’s gone”

“i love you!” he yelled back, his voice breaking. “i love you, i love you so much, please” 

and even though you were so relieved to finally leave, in this moment, you halted. 

love.

oh, how much you had loved him. 

after a deep, almost silent sigh, you looked back at him, seeing kenma with his head hanging low. “i would’ve given you everything to hear that just a few weeks ago. i gave you everything i had. and i would’ve been so incredibly happy” a smile spread over your face and you allowed yourself to fall for the illusion that his confession gave you. in some other universe you would hear these words daily, spoken with so much care and adoration, more than you could ever imagine. you would fall into his arms and kiss him sweetly and passionately and at the end of the day fall asleep in your shared bed, your bodies intertwined. you would be happy. “but now?”

“(y/n), please,“ he whispered.

“no. you’re too late”

and with that you shook him off off you again, finally opening the door, the cold air in the hallway hitting your face. 

behind you, kenma fell down to his knees, a lump in his throat, as he reached out for you, only to pull back immediately after. “please, i’m sorry! i’ll be better, i’ll change, i promise!”

you didn’t look at him, not wanting to see him in such a state. “i’m so sorry” 

pathetic — that was what he was right now. carelessly toying with your feelings and now that you just couldn’t take it anymore and left him, he suddenly seemed to have an epiphany. like a child that always ignored a toy, only to throw a fit as soon as another one wanted to play with it.

“i don’t want to hear your apologies. they don’t mean anything, kenma. they’re worthless” you spat at him, still staring at the grey wall ahead. “you can’t just keep apologizing and not change anything. i’m so sick of it, i can’t take it anymore” you clenched your jaw, shutting your eyes to prevent just a single tear from falling. “i can’t get my hopes up only for you to crush them every time”

“i never wanted us to end,” he whispered, hands falling into his lap. “especially not like this. you have to believe me. please, let me fix it”

you shook your head.

“it doesn’t matter what you wanted. what matters is what you did. and what you did was hurt me. over and over, again and again” you huffed, looking down and a sad smile on your lips. “there’s only so much i can take,” your voice broke, leaving you with no choice but to clear your throat and shake your head. you promised yourself that you wouldn’t start crying here. you had cried enough already in this apartment.

“and there’s nothing you can do to fix it. you can’t reset”

you turned your back to him, only to face him again a couple of seconds later, clenching your fists at your side. after taking a deep breath, you spoke again. “it’s over, kenma” 

without waiting any longer you grabbed your two suitcases standing next to the door and walked out, careful not to slam the door behind you. while you dragged your luggage down, careful not to trip as your eyes filled with tears and constantly swallowing the lump in your throat, kenma still stood in the hallway, staring at the spot in which you stood just a few minutes ago, completely dazed. 

it was only when you were long gone, after your friend had picked you up and allowed you to cry your heart out on their shoulder, did kenma feel like he could finally move. he was about to turn around and leave when he noticed a white ball laying on the floor. with a shaky hand he went and picked it up, only to realize that it was your letter, the only thing you had left behind for him.

clutching it into his chest he sank down on his knees, hunching over as he felt the tears pooling out of his eyes.

finally kenma realized that what you said was true. there was nothing he could do to fix this and get you back, there were no save points to return, no data to delete to start over and no cheat codes to enter.

it was game over.

#₊❏❜ ⋮haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #kenma x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu angst #kenma x you #kenma angst #hq x reader #hq x you #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanons #kenma kozume #hq kenma #kenma headcanons #kenma imagine #kenma scenario #haikyu x reader #haikyuu!! #kozume kenma

[thelittlewriter]

Anonymous letter

A Valentine's Day Story

Pairing : Kenma x Reader

"Dear Y/N,

I like you. There's no need to beat around the bush since it's Valentine's Day and I'm gifting you chocolate. Thank you for being as nice and positive as you are, it always makes my day better.

P.S. : there's no need for me to sign this letter because I'm only telling you that I like you, I'm not asking you to like me back."

And that was it. No hint, nothing. You had no idea who was this person. You stared at the handwriting for hours, and couldn't even figure out if it was someone you knew. You guessed it was someone you knew at least a little, seeing how you apparently made his day better. The thought made you laugh a little. How could you make someone's day better just by... existing ?

But you couldn't laugh too hard. After all, someone made your day better just by existing. But there was no way you would've gifted him chocolate for Valentine's Day.

Kenma just wasn't the type. You had spent the whole day with him, and he never asked once. Even when Kuroo asked you, he didn't seem interested. You tried to avoid answering the question all day until you just couldn't. So you lied.

"No, I didn't get anything", you said. "Did you ?"

He paused for a while, frowning his eyebrows. But he still answered :

"Of course. The ladies love me."

After a while, he asked again :

"So you really didn't get anything ?"

You shook your head. After all, that "anonymous sender" could've been a prank. You would never know.

"Even if I did", you added. "I wouldn't have kept them."

Finally, Kenma raised his head and looked at you.

"Why ?"

"Because I'm not interested. I'll just throw them away."

You didn't mean the last part. Whether you felt the same thing, someone had the courage to tell you how they felt for you. That was more than you could do. But you just didn't want to talk about chocolate and Valentine's Day anymore.

"You threw away my chocolate ?" you heard.

You turned to Kenma. He was pouting, as he avoided your gaze.

"It was you ?" you asked, confused.

He didn't say anything, as he walked faster to keep a distance between you. You couldn't see his face anymore. You turned to Kuroo, who was looking in the opposite direction. And then you realized.

They were both in on it.

"So it was a prank ?"

Nobody answered. You ran to Kenma.

"Why would you do that ?"

He looked back at you. His piercing gaze froze you.

"Wasn't the letter clear enough ?"

You didn't know what to answer. You didn't know what to do. You couldn't say anything. What if it was not a prank ? What if he really liked you ? What if...

"I was not pranking you," he said.

Then, he whispered :

"But you threw them away."

You quickly grabbed his hand as he turned away.

"I didn't !"

You opened your bag, showing him the chocolate box. You saw how his eyes lit up and you looked away, embarrassed. You thought about the letter again. It really looked like you were making his day better, just now. Just like he did.

"I was going to eat them, I swear."

"Then why did you say you wouldn't ?"

Your heart clenched. You wanted to say the words but all you could do was admire him for being able to do what you couldn't.

"I had my reasons", you just whispered.

You caught a glimpse of a smile on his face as you started to walk again.

"You know", he said after a while. "Gifting chocolate isn't really my thing."

You laughed.

"I know. That's why I didn't gift you any."

"What did you say ?"

You didn't answer. You weren't ready yet. Still, you grabbed his hand as he silently walked you home. You would have a lot of talking to do when Valentine's Day is over. But right now, all that mattered was that he liked you and you liked him too.

#haikyu x reader #haikyu x y/n #haikyu x you #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu fic #kenma x y/n #kenma x you #kenma fluff #kenma angst #kenma x reader #hq kenma #hq fanfic #hq x reader #hq fluff

[hxnavira]

When I'm imagining an angst scenario in my head and I accidentally hurt my own feelings in the process.

#angst #fanfic #tokyo revengers #haikyuu!! #blue lock #genshin inpact #netflix #ayato angst #kenma angst #headcanon #albedo angst #genshin headcanons #genshin fanfic #haikyuu x reader #genshin x reader #bongou stray dogs #boku no hero acedamia #tokyo rev fluff #genshin impact smut #jjk x reader #jujutsu no kaisen #demon slayer #demon slayer angst #jujutsu no kaisen angst #spy x family #bleach #fypfypfypfypfypfypdypfypfypfypfypfypfyfpfyfpfyp #tiktok #wattpad #im tired

[k0dzukeiji]

imagining a toxic relationship with Kenma

timeskip kenma x gn!reader

genres: angst

warnings: toxic relationship, cheating

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Toxic Kenma who only dated you to find out your weaknesses

“Who is that?”

“Them? That’s (Name)”

“They seem… interesting.”

“Yeah? Well don’t get your hopes up, they don’t warm up to people very easily.

“Is that so…”

Toxic Kenma who started to ignore you

“Kenma, want to go to the café after your stream?”

“…”

“Kenma?”

“…”

“Kenma did you hear me-“

“Can you just leave me alone? can’t you see im busy?”

Toxic Kenma who at first treat you like his priority, choosing you over his games. but slowly over time, he began to prioritize his streaming and games over you.

“Kenma want to go out? I heard theres this—“

“No, a new game came out today. I promised my viewers I’d play it.”

“O-oh… okay…”

Toxic Kenma who gaslights you into thinking it’s your fault. he lost a game and you so happened to have walked into the room? It’s your fault. he broke his controller? It’s your fault. he didn’t like the dinner so he threw it away? your fault again. he lost interest and cheated on you? its your fault. don’t you get it? It’ll always be your fault.

“(Name) can you just stay out when I’m gaming? I always lose when you come in”

“R-right… Sorry Kenma, I won’t do it again.”

“Yeah sure.”

Toxic Kenma who cheats on you cause he got bored of you

“Why…?”

“I got bored.”

“That’s it..?”

“I told you, if you ever got boring, I’d drop you.”

Toxic Kenma who made you think it’s you’re the problem

“It’s not my fault you never paid attention for me”

“What..? What are you saying? I always—“

“Always what? Just walked right past me while I was gaming?”

Toxic Kenma who realized he never got bored of you

“Maybe I didn’t get bored…” He thought as he scrolled through your instagram, watching you be happy with your new boyfriend while he’s here, alone. but then again… whose fault was that?

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

yo this lowkey sucks 💀 i wrote it in 10 minutes

#k0dzukeiji #haikyuu #kenma #kozume kenma #kenma kozume #haikyuu angst #angst drabble #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #kenma x reader #kenma angst #toxic kenma #angst #toxic relationship #haikyu x reader #kenma kozume x reader

[cutecatlov3r]

"𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮."

kenma kozume x reader (fem)

some drabbles on your rivals to lovers relationship with kenma !

words: 1.4k

warnings/tw: all characters are 18+, college AU(?), mean! kenma, enemies to lovers, and some suggestive themes.

a/n: I just needed to write about kenma being mean to you and you being mean back, if you want I can make a smut version as well... heavily inspired by the Netflix series "The Beef", made me cry sm . like, comment, re-blog ily ! don't copy my work . not proofread .

★ As soon as he met you he despised you . He couldn't stand the sound of your annoying ass voice, all he wanted was to sit in peace . Usually he doesn't mind being around loud people but you... You pissed him off for some reason, he never wanted to be around you.

"I don't think Kenma likes me..." you whispered in Kuroo's ear. You started to sense Kenma rolling his eyes at you and scoffing every time you spoke. He annoyed you, if he had something to say, you wanted him to say it to your face .

It was so obvious you were talking about Kenma, he sat in front of you and Kuroo. You talked so loud, you couldn't even whisper silently, it irked Kenma even more.

"You're fine Y/n, everyone loves you," Kuroo reassured, patting your back, gently.

Kenma furrowed his eyebrows as he played his game. Yeah right, he can't even stand you. He would never be able to like someone so childish and annoying...

★ He hates the fact that all of his friends adored you. He knows damn well they only like you because you are somewhat attractive. He knows what you are thinking when you show up to their practices in skirts and tank tops, he knows that you're just there because you're a slut .

"Stop distracting our team, just get out of here... We don't want you here anyway," Kenma mumbled, sweat dripping from his forehead.

To be fair, you were kind of distracting Kuroo and Lev by talking to them whenever they got the chance to speak with you. But still! It infuriated you that Kenma worded it like that, it was rude!

"No need to be rude Kenma, I'm here to support my friends," you retorted, crossing your arms. you've about had it with him, you know he doesn't like you. And it pisses you off because you did nothing!

★ Kenma loathed the way his friends talk about you any chance they get. You are a cute girl, those boys just can't help themselves. Still, it makes Kenma frustrated.

"Y/n is so sweet, she made me some brownies today," Kuroo swooned. Kuroo had a little thing for you, you weren't aware of this but all of the boys knew.

"Oh yeah? Well she's planning to wear my jersey the next time we have a game," Yaku teased.

"She said she'll be cheering for me at the next game too. Only me," Lev added, punching Kuroo's shoulder playfully.

Kuroo started to visibly sulk.

"...I hate you guys... She won't be doing any of that, she's going to-"

"Can you guys please shut up? I'm tired of hearing about Y/n, that's all you guys ever talk about. It's annoying," Kenma said, his eyes glued to his phone.

★ Finally, you confronted him at a party in front of everyone. After that day, the two of you HATED each other, or so you thought. You could never see yourself being friends with him, ever.

"What the hell is your problem?! You spilled that drink on me on purpose!" you yelled, very angry at the situation. You were embarrassed, everyone saw, it made you feel like crying. You had issues when it came to having everyone pay attention to you. You only liked being around your group of friends, not the whole damn party.

Kenma did spill his drink on you but it wasn't on purpose, it was a simple accident. He bumped into you as you were dancing with Kuroo and Bokuto, causing his cup to spill on your clothes. Still, he found it amusing when he saw you get angry at the situation, so he did not apologize or even acknowledge you until you called him out.

"I didn't do it on purpose so..."

"Yes you did!" you exclaimed, Kuroo held on to your shoulder, trying to calm you down.

"Let's calm down y/n," Kuroo tried to say.

"Stop trying to defend her idiotic ways. She can handle things herself, she's not a damn baby," Kenma commented, feeling more aggravated

Kenma pinched his eyebrows together.

"What did I ever do to you?! Seriously! You're always so mean for no reason! I knew you didn't like me but holy fuck, spilling a drink on me is a bit much!"

"So bothersome... I'm going to tell you this once. I. Did. Not. You fucking idi-"

Slap!

★ After the whole slap situation Kenma saw you in a different light kind of... He still hated your guts but he did notice how strong and confident you were. He couldn't help but admire some of the good aspects of you. So instead of dreading you, he openly speaks to you, only making rude comments of course. And you did not hold back either.

"What should I wear to Akaashi's party?" you asked, showing off a few outfits to Kuroo and Bokuto. The men sat on the floor, they loved listening to your rants and their favorite thing to do is tell you what to wear.

"The black skirt is cute," Bokuto said, pointing at the skirt in your left hand.

"No way! I like the dress, it always shows off your natural curves," Kuroo added, giving you a sly wink.

You giggled at their suggestions, Kuroo and Bokuto were your favorite friends.

Kenma groaned, bored of the conversation, he was dragged there because he is Kuroo's best friend so he was forced to go wherever he went.

"Do you have an issue?" you asked, sassily, placing your hands on your hips.

"Your voice is so damn annoying,"

You pretended to gasp, gripping your chest. "How mean Kenma!... Is what I would say if I cared. I didn't even want you here so please refrain from making any unnecessary comments,"

Kenma rolled his eyes at your bratty attitude.

★ You two banter all the time, some would consider it flirting but you never saw it in that way. Mutual disrespect for each other... Yeah, only mutual disrespect.

You whined, begging Kuroo not to leave you with Kenma. He was on his way to class, if he went to class, you'd be left with Kenma.

"Please Tetsuro!" you begged, giving him the best puppy eyes you could. "Stay! Skip class! Please!!"

Kuroo smiled, he loved seeing your bratty side, it excited him. "You know I can't n/n, just stay with Kenma, I'll be done in an hour,"

You groaned. Kenma cocked his eyebrow at you.

"Trust me, I'm not happy either," he mumbled, his hands shoved deep into his sweatshirt pockets.

"Oh of course you are Kenma! I know you're in love with me, you love being around me!" you cheered, sarcastically.

Kenma visibly gagged, causing Kuroo to laugh.

★ Eventually though... The two of you were forced to be around each other more, creating an unusual bond. You both don't directly hate each other, you just don't have a super stable friendship. But! You guys can be with each other without having the mean tension.

"Sup bitch, have you seen Kuroo?" you asked, placing your legs on Kenma's lap.

He shoved them off him instantly.

"Disgusting. And I don't know where he is, I think he went to grab some snacks for movie night,"

You hummed to yourself. A happy tune was in your mind and you couldn't help but hum.

"Can you hum quieter? Holy shit, so annoying," Kenma said, pulling his own hair. Obviously he was joking.

And with him saying that, you hummed as loud as you could.

★ Uh oh... Why did he have to walk in on you changing your clothes... That just made some things weird between you two...

"Idiot, where are you-"

Your face burned with embarrassment, you were in the middle of removing your shirt in your room. Why the hell did he have to come in right now?!

The two of you just stared at each other... In complete silence, unsure how to break the awkward tension.

Luckily, Kenma slammed the door shut.

"What the fuck," he thought, taking a deep breath. "No fucking way..." he continued thinking, looking down at his pants.

Kuroo ran to the scene, worried about the door being slammed.

"What's up with you? Oh shit man you have a boner," Kuroo commented, pointing at his pants.

"No shit!"

You heard the whole conversation, shaking your head, wishing you didn't hear anything.

★ After that the two of you just teased each other, meanly, sometimes being harsh. And actually started building a friendship, not a friendly one though.

"Slut,"

"Pervert,"

"You wanted me to walk in on you," Kenma yawned, placing his hands behind his head.

The two of you were currently walking through the hallways, planning to meet up with Kuroo. This was the first time you guys spoke about the situation. It made your cheeks burn thinking about it. But... It made Kenma feel other things.

"Shut up! You probably were spying on me! You wanted to see me like that,"

Kenma shrugged. "I still think you wanted me to walk in on you,". He faked a gasp "Are you in love with me?!"

"You wish," you rolled your eyes.

That's all I have for now... Maybe I'll make a part 2, just wanted to drabble some scenarios :x

#kenma kuzome smut #kenma smut #kenma kozume #kenma x reader #kenma #kozume kenma #kenma x you #kenma hc #kenma x y/n #kenma angst #kenma drabble #hq drabbles #haikyuu #haikyuu drabbles #hq scenarios #haikyuu scenarios #kuroo tetsuro angst #kuroo tetsuro drabble

[uravitypng]

hi! i was wondering if you could do a hurt/comfort fic with reader and kenma? basically we’ve barely seen him because of practice and stuff and when we do see him (at his place or something), he’s either playing game with kuroo or not paying any attention to us at all and we began to feel neglected?

*insert that one cracks knuckles meme* okay i think i can knock something up real quick for ya <3

----

you're sitting alone on the sofa just like the last two previous nights. kenma has been getting more and more busy later and you understand that, you really do, he's practising, he's trying to keep in contact with everyone from the team, he's trying to stream more frequently to build up his followers but you feel neglected.

it's not his fault and it's not yours but you've barely seen him at all in the last few weeks and this is the third night in a row where you're sitting at home for kenma so you can start your movie date night and as it gets later and later you know that he's going to cancel again just like the last two previous nights.

you go about your night-time routine, having a shower and doing your skincare before you head to bed. you don't know when kenma will be home and if you stay up any later you'll overthink it more than you already are. your last thoughts as you drift off to sleep is that hopefully kenma will have time for you tomorrow.

when kenma gets home later that night all he wants to do is be in your arms, finally he's home. he's been busy all day, practising his sets all day and when he was finally able to leave kuroo wanted to have dinner with him and didn't leave him alone.

turning on the light so he can grab some water from the kitchen he sees snacks laid out on the table and remembers date night. shit. he can't believe he forgot and he can't believe this is the third night in a row that your date night has been changed. he wishes you would've called him. he quickly downs his water, wanting to see you. coming into the bedroom he see's the moonlight casting down on you as you sleep on the bed with one of your legs bent and raised next to your chest with your head buried into a pillow. he can't help but smile. you look so cute.

he gets into bed and wraps his arms around you tightly, trying to convey he's sorry for not paying attention to your recently even though you're already asleep. he keeps you close and closes his eyes, the only way he gets a proper good nights sleep nowadays is with you right beside him.

when you wake up you feel the body warmth of kenma behind you, as he's wrapped his arms around your stomach and waist tightly, making it hard for you to get out of bed. you try a bit harder but kenma just pulls tighter, you look up at him to see that he's starting to wake up. "come back into bed." you should say no, you have things to do but you want to bask in his presence and the sleepy small smile he's giving you so you give in and go back next to him in bed. from behind you you hear kenma say he's sorry.

"what are you saying sorry for ken?" you mumble, still pretty tired and out of it

"i forgot about date night, i didn't tell you that i'd be home late. i've been so busy lately and i've missed you so much. i care about you, please remember that, i love you. i'm sorry if i've been making you feel like i don't." he says lowly into your ear, pressing his body closer to yours.

you spend the entire day together, and you have your long overdue date night

#nigh time showers > morning showers #kenma kozume #kenma x reader #haikyuu x reader #kenma kozume x reader #kenma haikyuu #haikyuu #hq #hq x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x gn!reader #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #haikyuu hurt/comfort #haikyuu comfort #haikyuu nekoma #♡ mine / writing #kenma angst #kenma comfort #♡ kenma #♡ lana's letters

[sleepyxxhead]

Could u do Haikyuu setters getting mad at their s/o because they missed their game because they were busy? Thank u 💕

A/n: I’m so bad at writing angst but why is this such a good ideafjdkla;jfdskl TY FOR THE REQ!! I’ll do a pt. 2 with more setters/characters if you guys req.! Please req. more characters for me to do <3

Genres: angst | comfort 

Characters: Kageyama Tobio | Kenma Kozume | Akaashi Keiji | Oikawa Toru 

Kageyama Tobio - Please don’t leave me!

wc: 321

You were sitting at your desk, getting some work done as you heard the door close. “Tobio?” You call out.

No response.

You found him sitting on your shared bed looking angry. “How’d you do, darling?” you ask tenderly.

“We won,” he mumbled with a scowl on his face.

“You don’t look like you’re too happy about it. What happened?” you sat down next to him on the bed.

He looked at you with a hurt expression on his face. “Why didn’t you come..?”

Your eyes immediately widened in shock. Guilt poured over you. “Tobio-”

“That was a really important game to me,” he whispered, voice trembling.

“I’m so sorry, I was busy with work-”

“You’re always busy with work!” he shouted out, tears welling up in his eyes. “You’re never there!”

“Tobio…” you whisper, tears of guilt and shame streaming down your cheeks. 

Kageyama stood up, and walked out of the room. “Tobio..? Where are you going?”

“Tobio?” You ran after him, desperation rising in your chest. How could lose this? How would you live without him?

“TOBIO!” You cried out, bowing down on your knees.

Hearing the absolute anguish and distress in your voice, Kageyama turned around.

“Please don’t break up with me! I’m so so sorry! I’ll never miss a game of yours again! I love you with my whole heart so please don’t leave me!” You sobbed with misery, feeling the end drawing close.

Kageyama took a step towards you and kneeled down. The sound of misery and desperation in your voice hurt his heart too much to leave you. He tapped you on the head with his finger.

Looking up, you saw a broken version of Kageyama. His expression was calm, but his eyes full of hurt, his face wet from tears.

He stared into your eyes for just a second and pulled you into the tightest hug you had ever received.

“I love you too.”

Kenma Kozume - I forgive you

wc: 251

Kenma: we won. omw to your house

Y/n: congrats! ily &lt;3

Read at 8:23 p.m.

Kenma unlocked your front door with the spare key you gave him. After greeting your mom, he headed to your room. 

“Kenma! Congrats!” you wrapped him up in a bear hug. “Kenma?” You tilted your head to the side, confused as to why Kenma looked so disappointed.

“What’s wrong, Ken?” you asked him.

“Nothing,” he whispered, looking at his feet.

“Kenma. Was it me?”

He turned his head towards you slowly, meeting your eyes. “I guess I’m just… mad at you.”

Your eyes widened. “I’m so sorry, what did I do?”

“It’s more like what you didn’t do…” he trailed off. “I wish you would’ve come to my game.” 

He looked away from you, tears in his eyes. It wasn’t apparent, but Kenma actually cared about volleyball. He cared about a lot of things other than video games. He searched through the crowd to find you, hoping that you could find time to come, but he realized that you weren’t going to show up.

“Kenma…” you watched as he wept silently. “I’m so so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“No. It’s not!” you yelled, fighting back tears. “I wasn’t there for you when it really mattered!” You wrapped him up into a hug, holding on tight. You couldn’t lose him. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me; I’ll come to all of your games from now on!” 

“Y/n…” Kenma mumbled through tears. “I forgive you.”

Akaashi Keiji - Paradise

wc: 435

“Akaashi?” You looked up from your laptop, hearing the door open. You’re eyebrows creased when you saw the angry expression on his face. “Is everything alright, darling? I thought you won.”

“We did win,” Akaashi mumbled bitterly. “You would’ve known that if you came, though.”

He tore off his coat and shook off his shoes before heading to your shared room. “Akaashi?” You followed him to your room, seeing him pacing back and forth.

“I’m sorry I was busy-”

“You’re always busy! You’re never there! You’ve come to one of my games in the two years that we’ve dated each other! This is something I care about! HOW COULD YOU NOT CARE!?” He shouted at you as tears fell down his face.

You stood in the doorway in shock, tears welling up in your eyes. You couldn’t bare to see the one you loved so much with so much pain and hurt in his eyes, but yet again, you were the one who had caused it. 

You stood in silence as you watched him storm off and down the stairs. Suddenly, a thought appeared in your mind. I’m about to lose him.

Instantaneously, your feet started moving. Tears rolled down your cheeks as you yelled after Akaashi. “Please don’t leave! Let me fix this! Akaashi I love you!”

The front door slammed shut. It’s over. You’re paradise is leaving you.

You crumpled up into a ball, sobbing, mumbling to yourself, “Please don’t leave. I love you. I love you. I love you…”

-

Akaashi went on a walk. He needed to clear his mind. He was so angry at you, but the way you looked so broken when he left made him feel so guilty. Suddenly, a thought appeared in his head. 

That’s it. She’s going to leave you.

His eyes widened at the sudden thought. Almost as fast as the thought came to him, he turned around and started sprinted towards home.

He opened the door, breathing heavily, to find you curled up into a ball on the ground, sleeping. He noticed that your eyes were puffy and your face was wet. Seeing you like that made him feel absolutely terrible.

He dried your face with his thumbs and scooped you up into his arms. He carried you to your bedroom and tucked you in. After he took a shower, he laid in bed next to you.

“I’m sorry Y/n. I didn’t mean to hurt you so badly. Please forgive me…” he said, voice shaking.

Your sleeping body wrapped your arms around Akaashi and pulled him closer. “I’m sorry,” you whispered into his chest.

Oikawa Toru - Addicted

wc: 223

“Y/n, how could you miss that game! How could you miss so many games! You’re always too busy! Why can’t you just show up for once!” Oikawa shouted at you. 

“I-I’m sorry Toru.” Your voice shook as you saw tears racing down his face. 

He looked at you, the agony in his eyes stinging you. 

“I’m sorry! You’re right! I’m never there when I should be! But please…” you trailed off, hot tears staining your face. “Don’t leave me. Please forgive me! I’ll show up to every ga-”

“I forgive you…” He looked to the side. “How could I not… When I love you so much? I love you so much it hurts. I get butterflies every time I see you! My stomach does flips when I hear your name! Y/n, your love is like a drug and I’m addicted. I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU!”

You stood in front of him, eyes wide with shock.

“I’ll always forgive you Y/n. No matter what you do, I’ll always love you too much. No matter how painful, I’ll forgive you! No matter how-”

You wrapped your arms around Oikawa’s torso, holding him so tight you thought you might break his ribs.

“I forgive you, Y/n,” he whispered, holding you close. “I love you too much not to.”

A/n: OMG WHY IS ANGST SO HARD TO WRITE? My heart hurts. I hope yours does too. That’s how I’ll know I did my job 🫡. Have a nice day cutie <33

taglist form

#📎 - works #fanfic #fanfiction #haikyu #haikyuu #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyu angst #haikyu fanfiction #haikyu fanfic #kageyama #kageyama tobio #haikyu kageyama #kageyama angst #kageyama x reader #kenma #kenma kozume #haikyu kenma #kenma angst #akaashi #akaashi keiji #haikyu akaashi #akaashi angst #oikawa #oikawa toru #haikyu oikawa #oikawa angst #angst #comfort

[jeanlsvs]

# HQ Boys & You Breaking Up..

🎧 including; suna, kenma, oikawa, & tsukishima

# Suna

# Kenma

# Oikawa

# Tsukishima

(a/n): love me some angst 😋

but as always reblogs & comments are much appreciated!!

#haikyuu x reader smau series #haikyuu x reader smau #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu!! #haikyuu angst #suna angst #suna x reader #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima angst #oikawa toru x reader #oikawa angst #kenma x reader #kenma angst

[slyfoxann544]

I wish all Haikyuu angst enjoyers a very good, "you are beautiful" and "please don't leave me."

#thank you for coming to my ted talk #bokuaka #haikyuu angst #bokuaka angst #in another life #in another life bokuaka #the galaxy is endless (i thought we were too) #bokuto koutarou #akaashi keiji #keiji akaashi #koutarou bokuto #fanfiction #haikyuu fanfiction #kuroken #kuroken angst #kuro tetsuro #tetsuro kuroo #kuroo tetsuro haikyuu #kuroo tetsuro angst #kenma angst #bokuto angst #akaashi angst

[mariaace]

Heyy I'm back again! Can you do a kenma angst? But later turns into fluff??? I would love to read a kenma angst. Thank youu <3

-Anon 🌷

A/n:Omgggg this took time. I am sorry for that i just didn't know what to write😭 anyways i hope you like this 🌷nonnie!!💜

Warnings:none Genre:angst/comfort Type:one shot Pairing:Kenma

Loading...

You've always known that Kenma is really busy with his volleyball trainings, games and Kuroo. But you never thought it would be this much? At least for the time being. You remember spending way more time with Kenma before, now you don't remember the last time you hung out for more than half an hour. It honestly bothers you quite a lot. But should you tell him? No. You tell yourself. He can't change his training program can he? So you just decided to keep quiet.

You decide to got Kenma's house and wait there while he is still in practice. His mom greeted you at ahe door and you went up to his room. Kenma got there after a bit of time. "Hey, how was training?" "It was alright.." he didn't even bother to answer it properly and just said on his computer to play video games.

This thing continued 'till one day you actually decided to tell him. After he finished practice you were waiting for him outside the gym. He looked shocked to see you there, but didn't complain. You just walked up to him. "Kenma i know you are busy with trainings and everything, but I don't feel like this is working out... Like at all.. i know you are busy and everything, but it's just not fair. I know you probably can't do anything to change it, but i am not really sure how we are going to continue if things stays like this." You said, calmly looking, but in the inside you were really nervous.

"Listen... I know that things have been like this. i will try to keep up, okay?

Yeah well.... This didn't do it. You can't tell if Kenma really tried or he just said it, but either way nothing changed...so you decided to just leave it.

You left a note in Kenma's school locker that you are breaking up with him and left to go home. It probably wasn't the best decision to leave him with a note, but you didn't really wanted to have that explanation that you've already talked about.

The next day at school though while you were walking to your home you felt an arm on your shoulder. "Kenma?" You turned around surprised. Wasn't he supposed to be at training? "Hey, listen i know that I didn't spend a lot of time with you amd it was selfish of me, but i am sorry. I am not gonna play games for about a week and will spend more time with you usually.." He handed you the note back. "Please don't leave."

You agreed and honestly things did changed. You had a little talk with him that day and everything turned out good. About the games...weeeell.... You'll probably have to be a littleeee bit patient?

© mariaace 2024 do not modify, plagiarize, copy or claim any of my works!

Reblogs and comments are highly appreciated!

#mariaace 🪼 #x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #kenma x you #kenma x reader #hq kenma #kozume kenma #kenma #kozume x reader #kenma angst #kenma comfort

[90skiyoomi]

bulls in the bronx

kenma x reader

angst

tw: mentions of suicide and depression. this fic can be extremely triggering as there's a strong mention of suicide and description of a suicide attempt so please skip this story if it triggers you easily

it felt like any other day.

getting off work and going home to kenma.

it has become a routine that you have been very fond of as you get to see the love of your life after a stressful day at work.

you'd never thought that tonight would end up like this. it all started because kenma didn't want to get off his games when it was supposed to be a pre planned date night.

you were supposed to takeaway some of his favorite food and have dinner together before having a movie marathon.

it took him almost 3 hours to get off his game when he said "5 more minutes"

at this point, you have already gotten sick of waiting and finished your portion of the food before placing the rest in the fridge for whenever he decides that he's hungry.

one thing led to another and here we are again, quarreling about how you didn't wait for him to finish up and how you were going to just go to bed when you said that you were going to have dinner with him.

you were exhausted.

this wasn't the first time this quarrel happened. you've lost counts on how many time you had to wait for him to finish his god damn games and have a proper meal with you. it felt like you were living with a man child that needed constant reminder to do basic necessities like eating and showering. it was draining.

work hasn't been good too as your boss has been putting more workload on you and not giving you the pay raise that you deserve. what's more frustrating is that the new comer that joined a month ago has already gotten a promotion because she has big tits and she sweet talked her way through it.

it seemed like everything is falling apart and you don't know how to spiral out of this dark hole.

you knew that the medications weren't working anymore so you've stopped taking them for months now. it just made you feel numb and you didn't want to have a pounding headache everytime you take it.

but life was not doing well. life was kenma and it seemed like he's halfway out the door too.

"please don't take this out on me"

cause you're the only thing that's keeping me alive

kenma just looked at you like he was bored.

"i can't do this tonight, i'm going to kuroo's"

the door slammed shut as you were drowning in your own thoughts.

he just left.

what's the point in anything anymore?

your parents have already disowned you for god knows what reason. it seemed like you were going to get fired anyday now. and kenma just seemed so disinterested in you.

everything is falling apart.

at the corner of your eyes, you could see 2 full bottles of anti-depressants on the shelf.

the ones that were left untouched.

you stumbled your way there and grabbed the two bottles, and walked to the kitchen to grab the half bottle of vodka that you never touched for months.

i'm sorry but i made up my mind

you easily swallowed down a bottle of pills and downed it with vodka. you felt the burn from the alcohol going down your throat but nothing can hurt more than life itself.

you didn't expect it to hit you so quickly as you downed the rest of the pills that were left.

and seconds later the bottle of vodka seemed to have finished too.

everything felt like a blur. you were stumbling into the kitchen to get whatever alcohol you can lay hands on.

and then, there was the agonizing pain.

it felt like your stomach was ripping itself apart.

you couldn't stand properly and you were using all your strength to hold yourself up as you reached for that bottle of alcohol.

that's when you hear the doors opening.

and that's when everything went dark.

part two

#haikyuu hcs #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu au #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu hurt/comfort #kenma hcs #kenma scenario #kenma imagine #kenma drabble #kenma angst #kenma x female reader #kenma x gender neutral reader #kenma x you #kenma x male reader #kenma x y/n #kenma x reader

[chatsukimi]

Friends

Friends to lovers. gamer!reader, highschool!reader, canon-compliant

'Oh, we're just teammates.'

You've been repeating this phrase ever since you arrived in Miyagi with Kenma. His team arrived to play a practice match against Karasuno, and you and Kenma's gaming competition has its last round scheduled at eight.

'Why do people think that we're...?' you mumble.

Kenma scowls, turning his back on the boy with a yellow mohawk. 'Yamamoto, stop bothering Y/N.'

'But-'

Kenma’s judgmental stare stops Yamamoto on his track. You pad behind Kenma, returning to the bedroom. Everyone else eats downstairs. You hear the faint cackle of Kuroo's laugh seep through the floorboards.

'Y/N, do you want to go to a gaming convention when we get back?' Kenma tosses the words out, a lock of hair in his side profile.

'Sure, when is it?'

'January,' he says.

Oh. You nod, thinking in your head, you didn't think you'd be friends for that long.

Since a five am at an internet café, this boy with wondrous yellow eyes has snaked into your life. Now you can't imagine a Saturday morning anywhere but sprawled on one futon against the wall, your head leaned on his shoulder, playing a video game. His shallow breaths hit your cheek as he settles his hand on your side. It barely touches your hip.

This room is filled with futons, empty apart from the two of you. The motel located beside Karasuno hosts not only the Nekoma team, but, looking out the window, runaway Karasuno children too. An orange haired kid and his friend like to ask Kuroo for volleyball advice at random intervals.

When you finish your game, you say, 'it's been five months after we first played together.'

'It hasn't been that long,' he ponders.

'Not that long.' You relax and set the video game down. 'Feels like it.'

He scrunches his eyebrows together. 'What do you mean?'

'No, I don't mean it like that.’ But you did. ‘We live in the same city, we're both in second second year and all... We'll probably be teammates for a lot longer.'

He pulls you closer.

'You're an idiot if you think we're just teammates.' His eyes wandering across the room to you, he says, 'we're friends, dumbass.'

Friends.

It's enough.

'You're the dumbass.'

'Am not.'

'Are.' You gulp, taking in his face, imprinting every detail in your memory. If this were a dream, you'd wake up soon. 'You are the biggest idiot I know.'

To tell you the truth, Kenma is good at figuring out others' feelings. Surrounded by Kuroo's friends, he's never needed to work hard at it. Weekdays, holidays, they were spent buried in his online world, hanging around afterschool at most. But when it comes to you?

His heartbeat stutters.

Daylight blows in through the curtains.

'Am not,' he says, without any venom.

...

You're leaning against the vending machine when you meet the Karasuno boys. First comes Hinata. That boy beside him, Kageyama, is a piece of work.

'You're Kenma's girlfriend, right?' Hinata says.

You swear you hear Kageyama whisper '... setter...', but leave it with a benefit of a doubt.

'That's right, shrimpy.' Here comes the rooster-head. 'Ah, young love.'

As though to make a point, Kuroo leans against your shoulder.

Kageyama whispers, 'boke, Hinata, boke' but you're whirring around to chastise Kuroo when Hinata caws.

'Wah, Y/N! Why haven't I talked to you sooner? Kenma's never told me.' You fight off a wince. 'You're always standing with him. I've seen you a few times, sometimes after matches. You play video games with him, don't you?'

How do you say to a little kid, 'I'm sorry but your whole life's been a lie'? That's what you feel like, facing Hinata's frighteningly casual grin. How could anyone correct him of anything? You'll lock Kuroo out of the bus when this thing blows over.

'We're playing in the same gaming competition,' you say. 'That's why I'm here. Our final round is tomorrow.'

All that your relationship is built on is a game. A game, and certain persistence in keeping up the front.

...

'Kuroo,' Kenma warns, rising from his seat. 'I'm getting my phone from the gym.'

That's to say, don't try anything with you.

Kuroo hands over some keys, smiling. He had indeed locked the phone in the supply closet so Kenma wouldn't play that and not volleyball.

'Poor kitten,' Kuroo coos. When Kenma's out of sight, he sighs, palm on his chin. 'Ah, young love.'

You pick up your phone. Kuroo studies you for a long moment, before even he begins conversing with a teammate. Zipping up your jacket, you force yourself to ignore, ignore, ignore them.

When Kenma returns, phone in hand, his face is unreadable. He sits before his dinner, pausing before he speaks.

'I ran into Kageyama. We're dating?'

He… what?

'Come on, I would never think that.' The words slip out before you can help yourself. 'We're only friends.’

‘Oh, he was confused?’ Kenma scrutinises you.

‘We’re only friends, acquaintances,’ you add, ‘like you said.’

Something ugly twists in your gut. You’re losing the feeling of the floor under your sneaker-clad feet. You pray the silence continues for as long as it takes the situation to disappear.

Because Kenma shouldn't be pushing his chair back. Screech. He should be brushing this subject off, or cracking whatever jokes due to friends in these circumstances.

Because it is six fifty and, 'sorry. I need to charge my phone.'

He is exiting the dining room.

‘Hey, Kenma!' Kuroo calls after him, to no avail.

When Kenma chooses something, he commits completely.

Losing your appetite, you push the bowl of rice on the table away. Your breathing grows more and more distressed until the glare of the lights overhead forms a headache at your temples. The coach has gone for drinks with the other coaches. So far, no one has noticed Kenma's disappearance. He vanishes often.

'What happened? Messed things up?'

‘Just- stop.' You bow your head . 'It's only an hour before the final round.'

Kuroo attempts to relieve the situation. 'Anyone can tell what's between you two is not platonic.' He puts a calming hand on your back, but you swipe him off- even though you wish someone's hug would swallow you whole.

'Then what is it?'

You take a deep breath. You straighten your back.

'Yeah... yeah, that's the problem. I'm not good at this.' A smile wavers over your face. Bitter. 'Wouldn't it be better if this was just some game?'

…

You pay attention to Kuroo’s conversation with Yaku, the noise droning like static. Like waiting for an old game to load when it’s already been disbanded.

At seven, you step out for some fresh air.

The moon glistens over the countryside. Kenma sits on a plastic stool. You face his back. He keeps still- perhaps he hasn’t noticed.

'Hey.'

He tenses. No phone rests in his hands.

'What I said earlier...'

‘No, it’s fine. I was overreacting.’

You watch him fidget as he’s always done when nervous, picking at his nails.

'There's a different world online. I know you know that,’ you dare to begin. Your ears burn.

You focus on counting the stars above you, thousands of them, instead of meeting his eye. Regardless, when you reach count ten, you lower your gaze with intent to see. Whether or not his reaction be good or bad.

You continue, 'but I feel like I'll fail you. I don't want to mess up reality and destroy everything in there.'

He cards through his dyed yellow hair, then stops. ‘We’re playing our last round in an hour. Don’t worry.’ He wants to say, I'm not someone you should love out of pity.

You drag another chair over to his side.

‘That’s not what I mean.’

He opened your eyes to a world beyond gaming. He was the one to lug you out of an internet cafe to here, Miyagi. He made you feel things you’d be contrived to let go now. And letting it fade is to let it go. You would never feel the tips of fingers on your palm again. Lights dapple the village under the hill.

It is seven-o-five.

You stay.

‘I don’t play with you just because of games,’ Kenma says. He looks absent-minded, hesitating, before the exhale. ‘It’s more than that.

‘And not because we’re friends either.

‘We are, but- it’s hard to explain. Each time I pass one level, I want to get to the next. I would like to be with you forever.’

'So,' you offer, understanding what is meant by the phrase, the commitment it accompanies, 'come on, let's play.'

...

It is morning in Spring at the internet cafe. Falling cherry blossoms litter the path there, flush against concrete. It is the even footfalls matched with casual hands in one’s pockets, and the hair tied back how you recommended it. The bell dings. It is chaos and beauty and more.

He sits down.

‘Kodzuken the streamer, huh?’ He’ll never grow sick of eliciting your little smile.

He says, ‘I had to try it out.’

The promise is kept.

Fin

----

Here is part i and part ii if you would like to read the beginning and middle of the story :)

#kenma #kozume kenma #hq kenma #hq #haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #kenma fluff #friends to lovers #kenma x gender neutral reader #kenma angst #kenma x y/n #kenma x reader #kenma kozume x reader

[thelittlewriter]

It must be love

Pairing : Kenma x Reader

Scenario : Kenma and you don't seem to get close... unless ?

Kenma and you weren't friends. At all. He barely uttered any words to you. It wasn't like you didn't try. At first, you only tried to chat with him. It was only small talk, like talking about the weather or what he liked. But he never answered more than a few words. He liked talking to you. It wasn't really talking, maybe just listening, but he had always wanted to know more about you.

But every time he had the occasion to talk to you, it was as if his voice had disappeared. He was only able to say yes or no. Sometimes, even that was too difficult, and he only hummed in answer to your question.

He looked totally uninterested. He knew that and yet, it couldn't be farther from the truth. He wanted to speak to you, always. But he just had nothing to say. He wanted to make you smile, to make you laugh like you did when you were with others. But he couldn't. He could tell he was making you feel awkward. That was probably why you engaged in fewer and fewer conversations with him. Soon enough, you only said hi, not bothering to say anything more. Even in the rare times when it was just the two of you together, you would simply let the silence fill the air. During those time, he wondered where it went wrong. This thought saddened him.

This time too. He was waiting for his best friend to go eat lunch. Kenma could see him and you talking. You were smiling and laughing. You always seemed to be a happy person when he wasn't around. He caught himself staring, listening to your conversation.

"Are you free on Sunday ? I thought you could come to my place."

Your smile disappeared and you looked away.

"Will... Kenma be here too ?"

He froze at the mention of his own name. He probably should stop eavesdropping.

"Are you gonna pretend you're busy if I say yes ?"

Kenma felt his heart tighten.

"It wasn't like that last time !" you protested. "I really couldn't make it... it's just that I have nothing to tell me and he doesn't either."

You sighed.

"We just don't have much in common..."

"It's not true ! You two have... me ?"

You laughed.

"Right, let's talk about you next time I have to talk to him", you said, sarcastically.

Kenma wondered... did the two of you really have nothing in common ? He wanted to be friends with you, he really did. But every time his eyes met yours, it was as if he was petrified. And how could he hold a conversation with you if he couldn't even look at you ?

"I'll be here but just... don't leave me alone with him, ok ?"

He knew that the two of you weren't exactly friends anymore but he didn't know you didn't like him that much. Was he that unlikable to you ? This thought stayed in his mind all day and even days after.

Weirdly enough, the two of you knew each other first. You seemed to be interested in knowing him somehow. You would always talk to him and always try to hang out with him. That's how you met Kuroo. The two of you became friends easily. His best friend wasn't necessarily a man of many words but they always seemed to resonate with you. Soon enough, you became friends, and you ended up stopping trying to start a conversation with Kenma.

It was even to a point where you didn't want to be alone around him. Exactly the way it was right now. Kuroo said he was going to buy food and that "he'll be right back". That was already five minutes ago. You were looking in the opposite direction from him, swinging your legs.

"I like you," you suddenly heard.

You turned toward the sweet voice.

"I mean that I don't hate you," rectified Kenma.

"You don't ?"

Strangely, your words made his heart ache. You sighed, relieved.

"But you barely answer me when I speak. Are you just the quiet type ?"

He nodded before saying :

"Yes."

He was looking at his phone but all his focus was on you.

" I just think you're intimidating," he murmured.

You let out an embarrassed laugh.

"Me ?"

He finally turned toward you and looked you in the eyes. Your eyes met his and his golden eyes pierced right into your heart. You unconsciously held your breath as you shivered.

"Yes, you."

You frowned. At this moment, he was the most intimidating man you had ever seen. At that moment, you realized you had never met his eyes that long, he was always looking away from you. And yet, it was like you perfectly knew those eyes. Every time you had been talking to me, his eyes were slightly turning to him, not enough for you to see, certainly not enough to meet yours, and yet, it was enough for you to know his eyes.

He turned back to his phone, and it was as if you had imagined everything.

"So," you hesitated, "that means you're not jealous ?"

"Jealous ?" he repeated.

It was true that he felt something when the two of you were talking to each other. Maybe a little bit of envy.

"He's your best friend and the two of us are not really talking to each other."

He thought for a moment. It wasn't much the fact that you were hanging out with his best friend and more about the fact that you ignored him.

"It's not that," he simply said.

"I'm glad then."

The two of you stopped talking. He didn't like you being quiet, not after having a conversation that long. It was as if he forgot even why he had been quiet this whole time. He liked to hear you talk, he always did, but you didn't know that. All he wanted now was to hear your voice.

"I wanna be friends with you."

You laughed.

"Are we not already ? If I spend that much time with you and you don't hate me, we're friends already."

He smiled at the idea. Still, he wanted to be more now. That was why he was feeling jealous, why you intimidated him.

Love.

That was what he was feeling. And he didn't to pursue that feeling.

Hey ! Thank you for reading ! I hope you liked it and that you're having a good day !

#haikyu x reader #haikyu x y/n #haikyu x you #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu fluff #haikyu angst #haikyuu fic #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x you #haikyu fluff #kenma x reader #kenma x you #kenma x y/n #kenma fluff #kenma angst #hq x reader #hq fluff #hq angst #hq x y/n #hq x you #hq fanfic #hq fics #haikyu fic

[onlylovingstrangers]

Castles in the Air

Your best friend crawled into bed, settled next to you comfortably, and flipped open his switch. The opening melody of a familiar game broke your comfortable silence.

The two of you stayed like that, wordlessly, for a while.

You and Kozume Kenma had occupied the same space for so long that your remembered experience of life was always with an extra set of limbs, and something felt incomplete when you drifted into slumber without the rise and fall of his soft breaths. You didn't know how you were going to cope with the fact that in a week—

"Penny for your thoughts."

"They're worth more than that."

He set down the device gently. "You're thinking really loudly."

You didn't know how you'd cope with the fact that in a week, 7000 miles would separate the two of you, when 0.7 miles had been the most you ever lived apart.

"I don't want to go," you admitted.

You were leaving for fashion school, in New York, a burning desire of yours ever since you and Kenma found a way to watch bootleg American movies on his dad's computer and stumbled upon The Devil Wears Prada.

He was staying behind to attend Tokyo U, where he'd no doubt cruise through life easily.

"This is your dream," Kenma reminded you.

"I didn't know my dream would cost me...," you. No, that's too gross to say out loud. "So much. Otherwise..."

"Otherwise what? Otherwise you would've given up?"

The sad truth was, there had always been a distance between the two of you, and you were afraid that when you left that gap would become insurmountable.

Kenma went through life easily. He was antisocial, but surrounded by people who cared deeply about him. He was a coach potato, but excelled at volleyball when he joined the team. Recently, he had set up a YouTube channel to stream his games, and it'd been blowing up, growing exponentially in subscribers and engagement. Success was guaranteed for his future. You, on the other hand, were always doing all you could to catch up.

Of course you were happy for him; you had been from the start. You just weren't so naive to think you two could share the same struggles and successes forever.

Kenma's question lingered in the air. "Who knows?" you shrugged.

He paused.

"Don't say anything sappy."

"You know I'll always support you—"

"Aaaaargh, I'm dying," you moaned. "I get it. Thanks. No more."

He smiled, picking up his switch. "You're so dramatic. I was going to say something nice."

"Save it. Next thing I know we're going to start saying 'I love you's."

"Oh, you didn't know? That I lo—"

"Stoooop!" His quiet chuckle vibrated through you. "Too cheesy." You closed your eyes. Above your head, the video game soundtrack resumed.

Right before you fell asleep, Kenma whispered your name.

"What."

"We're... gonna be together forever, okay?"

"Obviously," you mumbled, or at least you thought you do. Seconds later you were asleep.

The next few days took on a dreamlike sequence. You only felt as though you'd finally awakened when your plane landed on the other side of the world.

#

It's been years since you've stepped into your hometown — 10 years, to be exact. The realization hits you like a sack of bricks.

"That's crazy," you murmur, mostly to yourself, but your guide hears you anyway, cocking his head curiously.

"I can't believe it's been 10 years since I left," you clarify.

"Yeah. Left and never came back," Kenma ribs.

"Oh, this again? You've had plenty of time to get over it."

"Tokyo just isn't the same without you."

"You know how happy I am in New York! You should be visiting way more often, that's one thing I could get on your case about, but I never do. Because I'm nice."

You grew up in Japan but in America you became an adult. You had gone from being a broke, friendless foreign student to a successful, outgoing business owner. You've found friends, filed taxes, and made enough that you can fly your family out whenever, from wherever to see you. In New York, you thrive, and that's more than enough of a reason to call it home in your book.

"I've visited you like fifty times over the past decade. How many times have you visited me?"

The two of you walk in silence for a little bit before you finally cave. "Okay, you're right."

Kenma is not done being self-righteous yet. "If I don't come see you, I bet you'd forget about me."

"Now that's not true," you declare. "You're my most important friend."

"Really?"

He's hiding his emotions but you can tell he's pleased. You think so anyways.

"Obviously."

Actually you're not sure if that's a hundred percent true.

When you lived in Tokyo, you didn't really have any friends other than Kenma. Since moving to New York your social calendar has filled up like never before. You've learned to embrace strangers and share makeup with friends.

But Kenma is your oldest friend, that in itself holds gravity.

And also...

"So tell your most important friend why you're finally back."

There's a bit of pep in Kenma's step, a little sass in his monotone, so you can tell he's cheered up after your argument. You're not sure how he'll react to your answer to his question, and you're a mature grown adult, so obviously you switch the subject as fast as possible. After all, you don't want to rock the boat. "You're paler than last time, Kenma."

He rolls his eyes. "Funny."

"Do you cosplay now? Vampires, maybe?"

"Hilarious. You and my mother should start a two man comedy act. Oh, and Kuroo."

"I should've known. When you came over all you wanted to do was stay in and order McDonald's"."

"That's because the portions are so big," he defends himself. "I was motivated purely by my scientific mind."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I ask questions and observe the world. That burger is definitely an abnormality."

"You're an abnormality."

"You're an... you being here is an abnormality."

"I grew up here!"

"Not for the past ten years you didn't."

"Okay," you laugh. "Well, in that case, expect more visits from me in the future—"

"It's nice to have you back." Kenma says so quickly and forcefully, you're unsure for a moment whether you imagined it.

His awkward posture betrays honesty, endearing him. You hook your arm around his.

"That feels good to hear."

"Tell me why you're here though, for real."

You bite your lip.

You wanted your parents to be the first to know, but Kenma's — Kenma's practically family. When you were younger, you thought he was going to be your future husband, no questions asked.

"Promise not to flip out?" you ask, almost shyly.

"I knew it had to be some crazy shit—"

"I'm getting married."

#

Kenma blinks.

Then blinks again.

He blinks and watches as your anticipatory expression tightens, as your eyes narrow, and your mouth opens, and you say: "Don't believe me? See for yourself!" and your right hand is coming up and on the fourth finger — how could he have missed it — shines a delicate but diligently bright gemstone.

How could he have missed it? Truly. Now you're laughing, mistaking his speechlessness for shock.

"I know. I know what you're going to say! I've only met this guy for like a year, but he's Japanese — funny story, he played volleyball too — in Miyagi — his school was called Aoba Johsai — and he's a sports trainer now. I met him at the gym, literally ran into him, and from the start I liked him. I really like him, Kenma. I... love him. I can't believe he likes, and loves, me too. Kenma, you have no idea how badly I wanted to tell you the whole time. I swear it was killing me inside... Kenma?"

Since he met you, Kenma has been tending this secret garden, to which only you have the key. It's buried deep within himself, but he visits everyday.

This is a place where nobody is allowed access, a place that nothing is allowed to touch. Not the fame, not the money, not his closest friends, not the confidantes he trusts most. In fact — the success, the people around him — they were all to nourish this place. They were all to ensure your future happiness by his side.

If you're not there, what was all of this for?

He had asked, "We're... gonna be together forever, okay?"

And you had answered: "Obviously."

"Are you mad I didn't tell you sooner?" you say now, softly.

"No, of course not," Kenma wants to say.

What comes out is: "I thought it was going to be us."

"O- oh."

Your expression tells him all he needs to know.

"You know, we always talked about it, as kids," Kenma attempts to salvage the conversation, lamely.

Luckily, you cotton on to the idea. "Oh, that's what you meant! I remember! We were so silly then, building castles in the air. I made you kiss me to make it official, remember?"

Kenma turns so you can't see his expression. When did you become so easy to fool? You used to read him like a book.

A quick tear glints and flashes, but he is quick to swipe it away, face an impassive mask once more. All those years in front of the camera finally came to use.

"Yeah," Kenma chuckles. "I remember."

#im obsessed with disconnected relationships #and dxploring the junction of missed chances #that is so yummy #right person wrong time??? DELICIOUS!! #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! #haikyuu x y/n #kozume kenma #haikyū!! #kenma x you #haikyuu x you #kenma x reader #kenma x y/n #kenma angst #hq kenma #kenma drabble

[mewspeaches]

2:46am | what once was

pairing : kenma kozume x f!reader

tags : angst, hurt no comfort, empty relationship, post break-up

wc : 1281 words

you were never a big fan of games really, well, you were never a big fan of multiplayer games, to be precise. you were perfectly content with spending your free time roaming around the cozy landscapes of stardew valley or animal crossing, both which supplied you with plentiful in game friends. that was until you met kenma kozume. all of a sudden you found yourself booting up first person shooters and spending late nights attempting to improve your horrendous aim, with kenma in your ear trying (and failing) to help guide you through the tumultuous learning process. 

the late night gaming sessions with discord as your mediator soon turned into shy lunches together in the food court besides your university, which then led to hours spent besides each other in internet cafés, and before you knew it kenma began to monopolize both your spare time and your heart. then there was the one night spent in your apartment, where the line between friendship and something more had been blurred past recognition and the both of you shared a clumsy first kiss to the soundtrack of howl’s moving castle in the background. 

you can still recall talking him into starting his twitch streaming, playful boasts about how you could “impress the masses” with your gameplay and help his channel blow up, and blow up it did! kenma captivated the audience with his calm personality and intricate gameplay techniques, even sometimes letting his fans catch a glimpse of his softer side when he’d have you on as an occasional guest. of course tetsuro constantly begged to be featured, but he was always shut down immediately much to his dismay. something along the lines of how his ‘uncouth’ behaviour would get kenma in trouble, is what he’d get told. your heart swelled with pride, watching your beloved boyfriend do what he loves and succeed? there was nothing else in the world you could have asked for. 

so when did things start going wrong?

there was no major concerning issue within your relationship with kenma, but rather an accumulation of small things that continued to pile on until you were both suffocated under its force. he’d stopped saying ‘i love you’ as often, claiming that you knew so why did he have to tell you? your appearances on his streams became more and more spaced apart, until you just stopped appearing altogether. he barely had time for you in his schedule despite you rearranging anything and everything you could for a chance to see him whenever he’s free, and if you were able to make plans he started making a habit of blowing them off. on the rare occasion whenever you managed to get together, the littlest things seemed to strike a nerve and sour his mood, cutting the night short. you aren’t sure when, but at some point you were constantly walking on eggshells when it came to kenma. 

it’s fine, he’s just stressed, he’s tired, he has too much on his plate, i’m being too clingy, were the excuses you began to repeat to yourself over and over again like a mantra, desperately clinging onto what was left of your first love. at some point they stopped working. you stopped fighting. what hurt the most though, was it were as if he didn’t even notice the shift in your behaviour. maybe you weren’t as important as you thought. what remained of the relationship crumbled on one particularly chilly night, but you had the heat from the tears streaming down your cheeks to keep you warm. he left your apartment without glancing back. 

warmth encompassed your body from head to toe, a subtle hint of sandalwood invading your senses as you slowly arose from your slumber. your drowsy vision was met with golden feline-esque eyes pooling with adoration, “morning sleepy head.” kenma’s voice called out for you, a faint whisper as soft as the breeze that swept in through the window that was left ajar. the ghost of a gentle kiss brushed against your forehead, luring you back to the land of the conscious. “ken?” you murmured brows furrowed, an uncomfortable pit beginning to form in your stomach. with fluttering eyes you struggle to focus your sights onto the imperceptible silhouette beside you. 

“wait, why are you here?” your lips echoed the thoughts swirling in your foggy mind, unable to logically grasp at your current situation. he shouldn’t be here. “kenma?” you called out once more with intent, a cold chill shooting through your form as you abruptly sit upright rubbing your eyes with desperation. the previous warmth had all but vanished, and the lingering scent of sandalwood still playfully wafting around you as if to mock as you sat in your bed, alone. 

everything was a reminder of him–or rather, the lack of him. you were haunted by the memories of what once was, and even though it was cruel, you couldn’t help but hope he was tortured too. the stack of games you’d purchased throughout the course of your relationship now sat abandoned, collecting dust in some corner of your living room as you couldn’t bring yourself to enjoy them anymore without the one who’d introduced you to them. 

you no longer ate near campus, opting to reclude to your apartment with this week’s bag of cup noodles and other various microwavable meals. perched on the floor with your laptop set up on the coffee table you aimlessly scrolled through netflix for something to fill the silence surrounding you. it has been almost two months since you broke things off but he still frequented you mind, as you often found yourself wondering about little things, has he dropped out of that one class he hated?, has he reached his subscriber goal yet?, is he doing okay or is he just as much of a mess as you are, or, has he found someone new? you shudder at the thought and your heart pangs.

switching tabs as you fall victim to the curiosity, your search bar autofills and you’re met with kenma’s familiar streaming profile, looking the same as it always had since the day you helped him finalise the colours and overall aesthetic. a selfish part of you was glad that he left things relatively unchanged, for it served as proof of your previous presence in his life. there’s a red blinking button besides his username, signifying that he is currently live and you stare at it for a split second before clicking without a second thought. you make eye contact with your reflection on the black screen as you await with bated breath, once the screen loads you’re met with his face. 

this isn’t the first time you’ve let yourself peruse through his socials, but it is the first time you’ve been able to catch him live, able to glimpse at him in real time from the safety of behind your screen. he looks good. he’s smiling, ever so slightly, eyes cast down presumably at his phone. there’s a hint of tenderness in his expression that you’re sure only you can pick up on, as you were once the sole recipient of such soft looks, despite the fact that you were unable to recall the last time he had looked at you so intimately. suddenly your appetite escapes you as he addresses the audience, his golden eyes boring into yours as he announces that there will be a special surprise guest on next week’s stream. you foolishly hope with all your being that he had finally given in to tetsuro, as you shut off your laptop avoid finding out. you immediately regret snooping, as your miserable mind begins to run wild.

# ange’s comments :

omg? me? posting on tumblr? insanity.

this is a really old draft, i'm trying to get around to finishing my old work so i apologise if im a little rusty :')

but yay! hi! i'm kind of back, i've missed it here!

#mewonders #kenma kozume x reader #kenma kozume #kenma angst #haikyuu!!