#(easier to do skincare while sitting down on something)

[pangur-and-grim]

he saw his reflection for the first time

#belphegor #(I have the mirror in front of the toilet bc of my fucked leg) #(easier to do skincare while sitting down on something)

[fantasylandloser]

marriage pact

summary: besties that plan to get married

warnings: smut, mdni, dry humping, idrk what else I should put here so message me and lmk, steve's happy trail, slutty steve, big dick steve

pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!reader

A/n: This started off as one thing then it manifested into something else, and this is 4k words of idk and there MIGHT be a part 2

update here is part 2

****

Steve loved your slumber parties that had carried over from your childhood. Initially the two of you would binge watch movies, while his parents were who knows where. Up until you were about twelve he slept in the bed with you until one day your parents decided that he couldn’t do that anymore and gave him his own room for when he stayed over. 

Your family was well off due to your father being in business with his and it was probably no big deal for them, but Steve appreciated it nevertheless. He felt so loved in your home, so he made it his second. He was there at least three nights a week, until the two of you got into highschool and his dad wanted him to get serious about basketball. Then it was late night practices and meeting up with girls. He still came around at least once a week for dinners, but usually he was busy. 

You were surprised when he didn’t go away for college. Even more so when he decided to get his own job and start at the community college in Hawkins instead of living off his parents. Eventually he was back to being at your house all the time, until one day your mom randomly asked him to move in, suggesting that he was there all the time anyway. Which he agreed to with speed. So, now your slumber parties were more frequent, and more fun now that you were adults and your mom took away the rule that Steve couldn’t stay in your room.

Now your slumber parties included the two of you gossiping for hours on end about who was pregnant, talking through movies, and newly you doing Steve’s skincare. At first he tried to pretend that he didn’t like it, until one day you decided you didn’t feel like it and he begged you to do it anyway.

“Close your eyes.” You say from your position on his stomach, your thighs fitting snug on each side of him. One of his hands resting on each one. You didn’t need to be sitting on him of course, but Steve claimed it would be easier on your back if he were laying down (which was not true) but you went along with it because it was Steve.

“So bossy.” He murmurs but closes his eyes nonetheless, his fingers messing with the hem of your shorts. You hum in acknowledgement not really able to focus on the task at hand. 

“Is this new?” Steve asks, referring to the cool goopy substance that you were putting on his face.

“Yeah, I’m testing it on you before I put it on my face.” You say jokingly. But not really, considering that's what you were actually doing.

The snort Steve lets out brings a smile to your face. “Well, I’ve been your test dummy since we were kids so I’m not surprised.” 

“Glad that you finally accepted the dynamic of this friendship. Now stop talking.” He huffs at the command but still listens anyway, a small smile resting on his face,that you could never ask him to wipe away. Your brain short circuits a bit when he pulls his hand back to the center of your thigh, his thumb continuously rubbing over the smooth skin. You couldn’t help but wonder when that got added to the dynamic of your friendship. 

“Now sit with that for ten minutes.” You could see him getting ready to protest so you quickly added, “and be still!” You know he’s gonna bitch about it when you go to take the mask off. He hates sitting still more than anything but he could deal for ten minutes.

When he feels the pressure from your body weight pressing into his stomach start to lighten, his hands finding your waist even with his eyes closed.

“Steve.” You huff, knowing he’s not going to let you move until he can, but it’s not like you actually put up a fight. Not like you actually wanted to be away from his warmth. So you stayed simply sitting on him for ten minutes. Watching him, thinking about how he was still so pretty even with the mask on his face.

When it was time for you to take it off. You almost didn’t want to, but you did , pleased to see that the product left him glowing. 

Steve finally opened his eyes after almost falling asleep when he heard you sigh sweetly. “All done?” He asks hoping that you weren’t even though he’d been laying there for about thirty minutes.  

“Yep.” You say until you remember the little gift you picked up for him at the store. “Wait one more thing.” Steve lets you get off him this time, a little hesitant but you don’t point it out. 

When you come back with what looked like a broken whisk, Steve was a little reluctant. “I think this is where my test dummy days end.” You roll your eyes at his dramatics sliding back to your spot on his stomach.

“You’ll like it.” You tell him. Despite the growing anticipation about whatever the device was, Steve is quick to accept you and it into his space, his hands on your hips to steady you as you sit down. 

“I doubt- fuckkk.” Steve moans raggedly, cutting himself off and surprising you, making you stop your movements with the hair massager. You catch your composure quickly though, continuing to massage his scalp.

“So dramatic.” You try to tease, to lighten the heavy feeling in the pit of your stomach. You knew Steve had a thing for getting his hair pulled. He hooked up with half the girls in your class, so his likes and dislikes tended to get around and made for some pretty interesting lunch room conversations.

You didn’t realize a scalp massage would elicit the same reaction. You also didn’t realize that his reaction would have an effect on you. His whole body seemed to glitch. HIs eyes are barely able to stay open and the grip on your hips tightening.

Once his initial dramatics calmed down, he began letting out soft appreciative sighs. His grip on you fades to soft circles on your thighs.

“I’m gonna marry you.” He tells you, with his eyes closed. You knew he meant it. He told you that he wanted to marry you one day in high school. He’d been drunk but he let you all the way in on his plan to make a life with you, one day when you’re both ready.

He told you how he thought about building a house for you, and having your last name be harrington and how he wanted to have a bunch of kids with you. You thought he’d been joking teasing him about it the next day, but he simply smiled at you with a blush forming on his cheeks telling you that he meant it.

Ever since then, every couple of months he’d say it again. Like he was reminding you, or really asking you to wait for him. Which you did. Neither of you had made much of a move or anything and sometimes one of you would date  someone else, but in the back of your mind you would always remember that you were marrying Steve and that’s just the way it was.

“Mhmm.” You hum, simply acknowledging like usual. To your surprise Steve's eyes open and he zeroes in on your face. 

“I’m serious.” He’d never done this before, made more room for conversation about it. He seemed like he wanted more than gentle acknowledgment.

“I know.” You say, pretending to busy yourself as you set the massager to the side, just to get away from the intense way he’s looking at you. When he sits up on the headboard you know he means business. You never guessed now would be the time you finally actually talked about it.

“Do you really?” He asks. Steve didn’t know if you knew how serious he was.

“Yeah.. we’re getting married.” You tell him, fidgeting with one of his hands in your, absently looking at his nails instead of him. “You’re gonna build me a two story house, two streets away from my moms. In that field we used to play in. And we’re gonna have six babies and I will not let you help me name any of them because I already have a list.” You catch a quick glimpse of his face. “I remember.” You tell him. 

You expect him to let it go now that you’ve rehashed the entire plan he layed out for you years ago. You don’t remember when you got so attached to the idea. Or when you started contributing your own dreams to the plan but it had grown for you and speaking it out loud you realized how badly you needed it to happen.

“You have a list?” Steve’s chest was warm as it dawned on him that you wanted a future with him the same way he did with you.

Your face warmed, embarrassed thinking that he would tease you. “Yes. They’re all non negotiable.”

“Can I see it?” He asks, his voice soft. “Please, honey.” Honey. This is no longer best friend Steve. This is future husband Steve, making his first ever appearance. 

When you shake your head with a shy smile, Steve can’t help but smile back.”Why not?” He asks you in that same soft voice that had you feeling gooey on the inside. 

“Stop using that voice.” You whisper, feeling flushed. Steve couldn’t help but chuckle. He’d never known you to be shy, but here you were being all bossy while hiding your face in his neck. 

“You’re so perfect.” He’s teasing you, trying to see how embarrassed you’ll get. He also means every bit. “Prettiest girl in the world.”

“You’re bein’ weird.” You tell him unsure what to do with yourself with all these changes being made so quickly.  

“It was weird not telling you how beautiful you are everyday.” You don’t expect him to keep listing. “So sweet, too.” He adds. “Always taking care of me and never letting me praise you for it. I can’t wait to take care of you.” The implications of that do not go over your head. “Bet you’ll be such a good little wife.” 

Steve expects you to make some little quip or try to play off how embarrassed you feel. He’s expecting you to descelate how quickly he’s moving. But instead your voice whispers “I hope so.” You’re right in his ear too, so he knows he isn’t mistaken and he knows that this is the last night you’ll ever consider yourself just friends.

*****

Steve should have kissed you last night. He can’t help but think about that over and over, as he realizes he didn’t seal the deal. He should have done something to prove to you how serious he was. 

But it was too late because he didn’t kiss you and the morning had been decidedly awkward when you realized you didn’t know what any of that meant for your immediate friendship. Because initially the plan had been to wait. Was the wait over? Did you want it to be over? You spent the majority of your day trying not to think about it. Steve however wouldn’t shut up about it. Sadly for Robin she had to be on the receiving end of this conversation.

“Robin, this is serious. What if I fucked everything up? What if she thinks I’m leading her on?” Steve runs a hand through his hair, seemingly deep in thought. 

“I doubt that. I mean you’re planning on marrying her- which I take offense to not knowing about this little pact or whatever,” she adds. “But that’s like the total opposite of leading on.” She tries to reassure wanting to really get Steve to shut up about it.

“No you don’t get it-” Steve starts again, only to be interrupted. 

“Ughhhh!! How can I not get it if this is your sixth time going over it? Steve, I get it! You’re overthinking this when it’s really simple.” Robin gestures. “You love her and you want to get married and blah blah blah, but before you guys get married how about you try to, I don’t know actually date?” She says sarcastically. “Unless you were just going to propose after a thousand years of sleepovers and dating other people.” She adds. 

And although it was unnecessarily sassy, Steve realized that Robin might have a point. “So I should ask her out?” He tries to clarify much to Robin’s dismay. Luckily for her the door opening saved her from another round of easily answered questions. And even more lucky for her it was you and not an actual customer.

“Hey what are you-” Steve was cut off by you taking his hand and dragging him to where you knew the break room was after bringing him lunch on multiple occasions. You had tried and failed to not think about this whole situation. 

The one thing that had been bothering you the most is how long it was taking. You realized it was because you let Steve call the shots, and you quickly remembered why you never let Steve call the shots. Steve took too long to make decisions and well you knew what you wanted. So you had always been the leader in your friendship, deciding what movies you’d watch, what games you’d play, the parties you would go to. Everything really. You could do that here too, you realized. 

When you close the door behind you Steve is looking at you expectantly. He’s half thinking that you’re gonna cuss him out, so he doesn’t expect it when you grab him by his shirt to kiss him. You’re all over him for about five seconds. Your scent. Your taste. Your skin. Your hair. Then you’re gone. Patting his shirt back in place, shakily. You’re nervous. Steve realizes. 

“Okay that was all-” Steve’s pulling you back to him before you can run off. Letting his lips capture yours just the way he’d dreamed of. Feeling you relax into him as he cradles your face.

“So sweet.” He murmurs against your lips. He finds it amusing how the words send you back into your shyness from last night. The way you went from determined to timid and unable to even look at him properly. Steve was curious about this side of you. You were never this easily flustered.

“When did you get so shy?” He asks and you know he’s taunting you. He’s still holding you close to him, his fingers messing with the ends of your hair as he tries to find any reason to keep touching you. 

“M’not.” You oppose half-heartedly. He lets out a gentle sound of acknowledgment, obviously ignoring you, and knowing he would press all those buttons later. Privately. 

“You’re so beautiful.” You think he’s still teasing you and you hate that it's working when you feel your face heat up and you’re hiding it in his chest. Steve really means it though, it was the first thought that came to his head when he saw you walking through the door. Your hair free and your face without makeup. A skirt that your mom would deem a few inches too short and a shirt that he’s seen a million times because you love it so much. 

Gathering your courage, you finally look at him. His kiss swollen lips are the first thing that grabs your attention the second is the way he’s looking at you. Like he’s waiting on you to call the next shot. 

“Will Robin be okay, if we go to your car?” The next few moments are a blur because now he’s the one dragging you out of the breakroom, pausing only long enough for Steve to beg Robin to cover for him. Which she agreed to with a poorly concealed smirk on her face.

You were expecting Steve to open the back door and usher you inside. Instead he opens the driver side and pats his lap expectantly, after moving his seat all the way back. When you hesitate he’s grabbing you by your thighs and maneuvering you to where he wants you. “What if someone sees us?” You ask, knowing how fast information like this whipped around town. 

“Nobody parks on this side, honey.” Steve tells you those big puppy dog eyes staring into you. And because he’s Steve, and he’s calling you honey, and you trust him more than anyone you know, you believe him. 

“Okay.” Is all you say before your lips are back on Steve’s. It was a sweet kiss really, and Steve tried to let you control it for a while, until you were trying to back away from him again. With his experienced lips working over yours, you’re so consumed you barely realize the way you’re grinding yourself over his lap. Well not until his hands are on your ass, pushing your skirt up and controlling your once sloppy movement.

“There you go, sweetheart.” He says breathlessly, when he finally comes up for air. His lips find purchase against your neck. He kisses his way up the slope of it, relishing in the sound of your little gasps, until one particular spot sends a shudder down your spine. He sucks that spot. 

Absent-mindedly, your hands find their way off his shoulders and into his hair, barely thinking about it twice before you rake your nails across his scalp softly. The soft hum he lets out gives you indication that you should continue. Your hands stay in his hair for a bit, and you’re too nervous to actually pull it, but it does get you thinking about the other places on his body he has hair. Namely his happy trail. It sat perfectly right in between his abs and you usually had to avoid looking for your own sake. 

You’re yanking his shirt out of his jeans before you give it much more thought. And even though you’re too busy humping Steve to get a good look, feeling it against your bare hands has you whimpering. 

“Stevie-” You’re cut off by your own moan as your clit catches perfectly against Steve’s zipper. It doesn’t get past Steve that you sound so fucked out. Your tone bordering on a whine, clearly frustrated.

“Look at you.” Steve coos. “Doin’ such a good job for me, sweet girl.” Pressing a light kiss to your lips. Steve couldn’t help watching you chase your own pleasure, shivering at his praise.. Your eyes pinched shut, but your hands are all over him like you know every part of his body. 

“Can you open your eyes for me?” He asks with his hands pushing your hair out your face. When you do, he admires how dazed you look. How you probably barely remember your own name. “There she is.” Steve knew he was about two seconds from coming in his pants. He was also aware of the fact that once you were done with him he’d have to go back inside to finish working his shift.

“Stevie” You start again, “M’so close. Feels so good.” You tell him, your movements becoming frantic causing your boobs to sway deliciously. You don’t register your top being pulled down, until you feel Steve licking at your nipple.

A hungry groan rising from the back of his throat. “Perfect fucking tits.” His hands leave your ass, leaving the pace to you. He pinches your right nipple between his thumb and forefinger, rolling it to test your reaction. When you lurch into him. Humping him harder than before, he knows he’s a goner. But you are first. Your orgasm hits you so fast, it surprises you with tears springing to your eyes at the intensity. 

Steve’s a close second behind you, leaving the two of you panting and trying to catch your breath. As soon as Steve recovers he’s tending to you, pulling your top back in place, trying to see how you felt. 

He can’t help but admire that after that you went right back to your embarrassed state, obviously self conscious. “You’re perfect.” He tells you again, pressing another light kiss to your lips. When you grin at him, his heart beats fast and he can’t help but be happy at the line the two of you just crossed. 

“You too.” You say, your head is still a bit fuzzy as you check the damage. You’re about to launch into an apology about the obvious wet spot on Steve jeans but he beats you to it. “Stop worrying.” He’d been watching the spot form as time went on and kept willing it to get bigger. Liked that you were making a mess all over him and yourself too. 

“You have to go back to work.” You state, guiltily. 

“I have an extra pair of pants in the backseat, sweetheart. We’re all good.” You’re relieved for a number of reasons, climbing off him into the passenger seat. You don’t know what you were expecting but you realized it wasn’t him yanking his pants off, revealing his now cum stained gray boxers. And you certainly weren’t expecting him to drag the boxers off as well, which revealed his huge fucking dick. The tip is now sloppy and slightly red, and you can tell it isn’t as hard as it was.

“Oh fuck.” You say barely recognizing your own voice. Only to repeat yourself when he uses his sullied boxers to wipe the rest of the cum off, watching it twitch from the stimulation.

“He doesn’t like to be stared at, ya know.” Steve teases you, reaching back for his jeans. 

Your eyes keep flickering back to his face and back to his dick, and you know there’s no way he’s been carrying that around for the entirety of your friendship and you simply had no idea.

“Steve.” You say dumbfounded. No words available to express your shock, as he pulled his pants on to cover himself.

“No more ‘Stevie’?” He asks, mocking you. The smile on his face tells you he’s just messing with you but you can’t help your cheeks going up in flames.

“You’re the worst.” You huff, but you’re still smiling despite your embarrassment. 

“Mhm.” He’s reaching over the console to kiss you again, this time sweet and chaste. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll stretch you open for me, before I fuck you, sweetheart.” You gasp feeling his hand on the band of your underwear.

“Lift up for me.” You do, allowing him to pull the drenched fabric off of you, you hide your face in your hands when he lifts it to his face to sniff. You were quickly coming to the realization that your best friend was dirtier than you ever realized, even with all the gossip that got back to you.

You feel yourself manage to flush even further when he murmurs to himself “sweetest fucking girl” he stuffing them in his pocket in the next second, then reaching back over for you when his phone lights up. 

Robin’s name lighting up the screen. He huffs a little as he reads the text and you know she’s getting snappy. 

“Come on, let's go before Robin kills you.”  There’s no use in asking for your underwear back so you just pull your skirt down as far as it will go before stepping out the car, trying to ignore the slickness of your thighs. After Steve walks you to your car, he presses a kiss to your forehead, stating that you’ll talk later. 

When he walks back into Family Video he looks disheveled, a completely new pair of pants, his shirt no longer tucked and wrinkled, but Robin is relieved to know that she won’t have to answer anymore stupid questions from him.So she leaves him be for the moment, but he definitely owes her big time. 

#steve harrington smut #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington #smut #fantasylandloserfic

[moonstruckme]

Hiiiii!!!

I was wondering if you could write a poly!marauders with a reader who gets insecure about her dislikes (degrading, bjs, and rough stuff) during sex and feels guilty after sex bc she feels gross.

Thank youuuuu:3 pls ignore if your uncomfy

Hi, thanks for requesting! I feel like this came out a bit awkward but I tried and I hope you like it :)

cw: smut mdni, discussion (but not portrayal) of blowjobs and degradation, shame around sex

poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1.5k words

You’re becoming genuinely worried that Remus and Sirius are going to break the bed. 

Both of them are cursing like sailors, Sirius’ voice climbing higher as Remus rocks both him and you with his thrusting. The bed lurches back and forth, your body jiggling with the movement, and James laughs, dipping down to kiss at the spot beneath your ear. 

“Doing alright, angel?” 

You swallow. “Yeah. Bit worried about the bed. You?” 

He picks his head up to give you a smile, seraphim with a flirtatious edge. “Also worried about the bed, but it’ll go out in style. Personally, I’m doing fantastic.”

You return his grin, and James presses his lips to yours. Lingering, mushy kisses that feel like they’re drawing something out of you as he pumps into you slowly. His hand stokes up and down your side the way he knows you like, grounding you while you arch up into him, affection and pleasure melding in your core until your walls are gripping him with something akin to desperation. The feeling grows steadily, James’ voice becoming hoarse as he spews sweet words and encouragements that get swallowed up by your eager mouth until you both break apart into a thousand shining pieces. 

James’ forehead lands on yours, both of you panting softly into the inch of space between you. His large palm continues to soothe over the now sweat-slick skin of your waist. You realize, distantly, that the sound and movement from the other side of the bed has ceased. Sirius and Remus must have finished before you (by some miracle, the bed seems intact), you’re not sure how long ago. It’s not unusual. You always take longer. 

Sweat and cum cool in your crevices, and a familiar remorse takes root somewhere in your chest, spreading towards your gut. You shut your eyes. You want to clean this up like it never happened. 

“Hey sweetheart, how are we feeling?” James reads your change in mood instantly. His question is painfully gentle as he picks his head up, giving you the bit of space he knows you need. 

“Okay,” you say. 

“Want to have a shower?” Sirius leans over to give your knee a squeeze. His tone carries the dulled worry of routine. “Might make you feel better.” 

You nod. Remus helps you up while James peels his condom off, throwing it in the waste bin. You can’t all fit comfortably in the shower, but you squeeze in anyway, your boyfriends terribly kind as you all clean off, checking in with you periodically. Your smile comes a bit easier, the easy affection between you softening your contrition like it always does. They relax as you do. Soon you feel clean and new, all wrapped up in steam and the love you wonder if you’ll ever be good enough to deserve. 

It’s not until after you’ve toweled off and are sitting on the bed in your pajamas, watching Sirius do his skincare routine, that a different kind of guilt begins to eat at you. 

“Sorry I always make this so difficult,” you blurt.

Sirius looks over at you from the bathroom, foaming cleanser half rinsed off his face. Beside him, James pauses with floss held up in front of him. 

“Uh, what’s difficult?” James asks you. 

“Just, everytime we have sex,” you look down at your hands, hearing the soft shuffle of pages as Remus sets down his book beside you, “you guys do so much to accommodate me.” 

“That’s typically how sex works.” Sirius rolls his eyes, tossing you a smile to mitigate it. 

You return his smile wryly. “You know what I mean,” you say softly. 

“No, come on.” Remus scoots closer until his shoulder is touching yours. “What do you mean, love?” 

You shrug, self-conscious. “Like, how you have to take care of me after because I get weird. And during, I never give blowjobs even though you guys have no problem doing anything for me, and you can’t go as rough with me as you like to. I’m sure it’s frustrating.” 

“Not really, no.” Remus says, and you startle at his matter-of-fact tone. “Anything else?” 

You hesitate. “Well, I hear the stuff you and Siri say to each other. You never say any of that to me, and you know I won’t say it to you.” 

“Yes, James doesn’t like degradation either.” Remus leans back against the headboard, looking thoughtful. “Is that all?” 

“I…” You’d been expecting a bigger reaction, not this almost bored response. “I guess that’s all I can think of right now, yeah.” 

“Well, let us know if you think of any more, because all of that’s just preference, dove.” Remus gives you a kind look, almost pitying. “None of it makes you difficult.” 

You sigh, leaning back beside him. Remus’ hand comes up to stroke your hair. “I just mean that I want you all to be able to do whatever you want to,” you say. “I don’t mean to be so…finicky.” 

“You’re not finicky,” Sirius laughs, coming out of the bathroom. He crawls right over you on the bed, stretching out like a cat and laying down with his head on your lap. “Everyone has preferences. It’d only be weird if you didn’t.” 

“But what about your preferences?” You’re nearly bickering now, frustrated with them for intentionally missing your point. 

“Have you ever thought about the idea that maybe we don’t all like it rough all of the time?” He raises an eyebrow up at you, teasing. James finishes in the bathroom and comes to lean against the doorway, watching the three of you. “If I wanted my hair pulled every time, gorgeous, I don’t think I’d have any hair left.” 

His joking coaxes a smile from you, but it’s tinged with bemusement. Really, you hadn’t thought about it that way. You’d just assumed that anytime they have sex with you, it’s a small sacrifice on their part. They drew the short stick that day. Like he can read your thoughts, Sirius grins. 

“Anyway, know what I like most?” 

“What?” 

“You’re going to hate it,” he warns. 

You almost want to laugh, but you narrow your stare on him. “Go on.” 

“Knowing that we’re making you feel good.” 

A derisive snort leaves you before he’s even finished the sentence. You roll your eyes. “You’re right, that’s awful.” 

“It’s the truth, though.” James holds his hand up beside him. “Scout’s honor.” 

“Were you ever in boy scouts?” Remus asks quietly, almost to himself. Sirius shakes his head in your lap, but shrugs like that’s not really relevant. 

“Honestly, sweetheart, you make it sound like being with you is some kind of chore,” James says, ignoring them both. “Do you think you’re the only one who can say if you don’t like something?” You blink in surprise, but he goes on. “If we weren’t having a good time, we would tell you. Promise.” 

“Scout’s honor,” Remus mimics from beside you. “You’re not the only one who likes to be treated gently, dove. The rest of us might go back-and-forth sometimes, but we all have things we don’t like, alright? It’s no burden to do what’s going to be nice for you, and like Sirius said, making it nice for you is part of the fun.” 

“A big part,” Sirius agrees. 

“Okay,” you say, softening a bit. “Okay, but what about after? None of the rest of you need to be coddled.” 

“How do you figure?” James asks interestedly. “Sirius is the biggest pillow princess I ever saw. He needs to be carried out of bed after, or have you never noticed?” 

“Oi, you try being thrown around like you two do to me and see how you feel after!” Sirius glowers. “Dollface, you get it, right?” 

You laugh, because you don’t, that’s the point, but Remus speaks again before you can tell him so. “Sweetheart, we all have our things we need afterward. And yeah, I think we all hope that someday you don’t feel so bad about yourself right after, but we’re happy to take care of you anyway.” 

You scrutinize him, looking for a lie in his placid features. “Really? You don’t mind?” 

“Yeah, really, idiot.” Sirius pinches meanly at your stomach. “You’re our baby, of course we don’t mind. Stop asking silly questions.” 

“Let her ask what she wants, twat,” James says, starting towards the bed, and Remus gives Sirius’ thigh a reprimanding flick with his middle finger. It doesn’t look very hard, but Sirius squawks in protest and glares at him anyway. “Nobody minds taking care of you, angel,” James goes on, scooching into bed beside you. “That’s what we do, right? You’ve never complained about taking care of us.” 

“I guess,” you give in, laying your head on his shoulder. 

James rests his cheek atop your hair in return. You can feel the movement of his jaw as he speaks. “We’re all allowed to like what we like,” he vows, then lowers his voice conspiratorily. “But you and I are on the right side of things, sweetheart. The things those two say to each other are depraved.”

#poly!marauders #poly!marauders x reader #poly!marauders x fem!reader #poly!marauders x you #poly!marauders x y/n #poly!marauders x self insert #poly!marauders fanfiction #poly!marauders fanfic #poly!marauders fic #poly!marauders fluff #poly!marauders hurt/comfort #poly!marauders imagine #poly!marauders smut #poly!marauders drabble #poly!marauders scenario #poly!marauders one shot #poly!marauders oneshot #james potter #sirius black #remus lupin #james potter x reader #sirius black x reader #remus lupin x reader #the marauders #marauders era #marauders x reader #marauders #marauders fanfiction #marauders fandom #hp marauders

[sailorholly]

Strictly Business Pt 2

Summary: Spencer wants to gain sexual experience before asking out his dream date. You just want a way to release stress. What could go wrong?

Pairing: Spencer Reid x F. BAU Reader

Warnings: Smut. Oral (f. receiving). 18+ only. Minors DNI. Typical Criminal Minds violence and case descriptions.

W/C: 1.2K

See the Strictly Business Masterlist here

Catch up here: Part One

The morning after Rossi’s, you got called in on a case. Three bodies were discovered and you all knew you had to work quickly or there would be another.

You and Spencer decided to wait until after you were home from the case to begin your physical relationship. You quickly learned it was easier said than done. Hotch paired the two of you on the way there. So you were around each other constantly. Your body was hyper aware of every move he made.

You were sure you had a similar effect on him. He would sneak glances at you when he thought you weren’t looking. You could tell he was thinking about it too. You had caught him checking you out on more than one occasion.

It was like you were drawn together like magnets, always finding excuses to touch each other. His long legs would brush against yours while sitting. You would touch his back when you walked by. When going over files, both of you placed your hands on the other’s and let it linger a little too long. You were practically bubbling with anticipation.

It was taking longer than usual to find this unsub. The stress was affecting the whole team. You were starting to take your frustration out on each other. It all came to a head when Derek and Penelope started fighting when she couldn’t find the answers he needed.

His misplaced anger was the last straw for Hotch. He told everyone to take the night off. He wanted you to relax and try to rest.

You just got out of the shower. You stayed in longer than you expected, but you were enjoying the spray of the warm water on your tired body. You put on a tank top and shorts. Your nightly skincare routine is interrupted by a knock on your hotel room door.

You look through the peephole to find Spencer pacing the hallway outside. You open the door letting him in. “Hey, was there a break in the case? I can be ready in a few minu-“ Spencer cuts off your sentence by placing his large hands against the sides of your face, his lips moving eagerly against your own. He pulls away as quickly as he began. You didn’t have time to reciprocate the kiss.

“I’m so sorry. I’ve wanted to do that all week. I thought if I just did it quickly, my nerves would subside. But it didn’t work.” He smiles at you sheepishly, his whole face turning different shades of red.

“It’s okay. I’m really nervous too. It’s all I can think about. Do you want to start tonight?” “Yes!” Spencer answers almost too quickly. You giggle and take his hand leading him to the bed. “Let’s talk about what you’ve done before so I know what you’re familiar with.”

“I’ve had sex once.” he replies. “Okay, what did you do during sex? Did you use your fingers?” He keeps his eyes on yours shaking his head no. “So you went down on her?” “No, I didn’t do that either.” Your eyes widen.

“So you just put it in?! Spencer, you have to get women ready first.” “I know that!” he says defensively. “You’ve read so many of my romance books, surely you know what to do.” He clears his throat. “Yes, in theory, but having you right here in front of me is completely different.”

“I wanted to do something to her, but she didn’t give me the chance. She started kissing me. One thing led to another and she lifted her skirt and got on top of me. It was over before I knew it.” You sigh, “We’ve got a lot of work to do.”

You decide to start with kissing to get comfortable with each other. This time the kiss isn’t rushed. It almost feels natural. Spencer pulls away first. He nips at your earlobe. Your breath hitches when his lips latch onto your neck. He sucks the tender skin there causing a moan to escape your lips.

He pulls away, his gaze falls to your face trying to gage your reaction. You place your hand on his thigh. “That was great. I think we can move on now. Is there anything in particular you want to start with?”

Spencer lowers his eyes to your tank top, your nipples visible through the thin fabric. You take his hand placing it on your breast. Spencer loudly swallows. “It’s okay, Spence. I want you to touch me.”

That was all the confirmation he needs. Slender fingers begin toying with your nipple. His other hand pushes you gently against the bed. His mouth descends on your hardened peak through your shirt. You arch upward into him.

His movements are more confident now. His hands travel to the hem of your tank top, lifting it over your torso and off you completely. Wandering hands find their way back to your chest. He gently kisses down your stomach while he rolls your nipples between his long digits.

When he reaches the waistband of your shorts, he stops looking up at you. “Is this okay?” You squirm under his intense gaze. “Yes, please touch me.” Your response comes out needier than you expected. He smiles, loving the effect he’s having on you.

He slowly slides your shorts down your legs, leaving you exposed to him. He swipes a finger down your center, collecting the wetness already gathered there. “You’re so responsive. So wet and I’ve barely touched you.”

You watch incredulously as he places his finger in his mouth. He gently sucks before removing it with a loud pop. “Can I taste you?” he asks as casually as if he was asking to borrow a pen.

You raise up on your elbows to look down at him posed between your open legs. “I think I might die, if you don’t.” Spencer scrunches his nose before responding. “Actually it’s not possible to die from-“ “Spencer, please?!” You interrupt him with your begging.

He smirks lowering his face to your waiting heat. You almost fly off the bed when he licks a hot stripe up your center. One hand grabs your hip pulling you down. He places the other over your stomach to hold you in place.

He dives in, eating you like you’re the best meal he’s ever had. His lips tug on your clit. You reach down tangling your hands in his curls, pulling him closer. His moans vibrate against you, adding to the pressure building low in your stomach.

He laps at your core taking everything you give him. Your body arches toward him, but he firmly presses you back into the mattress. You dig your heels into his back. You can feel his fingers pressing into your hips, you know there will be bruises in their place tomorrow. But you don’t care.

He fastens his soft lips around your clit, lightly sucking while his tongue flicks rapidly against you. He doesn’t slow down when you shatter. Your legs shake around his head, cries of his name fill the otherwise silent room.

When you come back down, Spencer pulls away. He places a light kiss to your inner thigh. You sit up, handing him your discarded tank top to wipe his mouth. “You got a little something there.”

You point to your own mouth failing to conceal your smile. Spencer snakes his tongue out, licking your remaining arousal off his lips. Although he said it was impossible, you weren’t sure you would survive this.

Part Three

Tags (if you wanna be added let me know!)

@cindylynn @potter-puff007 @multifandom-worlds @mochie85 @modern-mermaid @analethicia @marimorena06 @ghostheartbeat @clownprincess09 @thebiggestscamislife @whistle1whistle @lockwoods-coat-and-reids-vests @twsssmlmaa @cynbx @padlockedhearts @wheredafandomat @salempoe @emarich7 @itzdarling @baku-hoes-blog @anonymously-ominous @arabis-world

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fic #spencer reid #spencer reid x fanfiction #spencer reid x fem!readr #spencer reid x female reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x fem!reader smut #spencer reid smut #spencer reid self insert #strictly business

[tulipsstudyblr]

How to Make it Through to the End of the School Year

I myself am pushing through to the end of my spring semester (gotta make it to finals week 😅) and it's rough, for sure. I'm rounding out my junior year of college and it's quickly hitting me that after this, I'll only have one more year left of school (as of right now).

I know I listed in the bio of this blog that there would be advice/study tips and while I am no expert, I can speak from my experience and what has worked for me. DIsclaimer: everyone is different and what I may or may not list here is not a cure-all for everyone, this is just how I stay productive and efficient.

Taking breaks! - I struggle a lot with recognizing my limits and taking healthy breaks so I can work best. Recently, a friend and I have been having outside study times ("picnics") where we sit and do some work and/or color. One evening, we even made chai lattes on the lawn to have while we colored. Personally, I love simple coloring books (like Disney, but I'm currently working in a Bluey book). Also, this past weekend, I made time in between my textbook readings to rewatch a favorite movie of mine, Ella Enchanted. I haven't taken the proper time to watch TV in a while, so it was a nice change of pace.

Properly eating and hydrating - This is also something I struggle with. I understand how easy it is to get hyperfocused and forget about food in the midst of studying. I am thankful to have a girlfriend who will check in on me when she can to make sure my water bottle is filled if I have been busy throughout the day, but I have also set an alarm on my laptop to ding every 20 minutes. I'm using the Google Chrome extension "Water Reminder", which has been super helpful for me! It's not super cutesy and aesthetic like other Chrome extensions, but I like the simple ding that reminds me to drink water in case I haven't in a while. Hearing a reminder to drink water also allows me to check in with myself to see how I'm feeling in terms of hunger. I try to schedule meals times specifically for myself so that I can remember to eat. Some people are really great about intuitive eating, but I am unfortunately not one of those people. Keeping track of the time and keeping meals times at 7:30 - 8:00 am (breakfast), 11:00 am - 12:00 pm (lunch), and 5:00 pm (dinner/supper), I find it easier to keep up with eating so that I can stay healthy and nourished.

Studying - probably a more obvious "tip", but with my own addition. I like to romanticize the idea of studying. I use specifically colored pens, marker, and highlighters to make each of my notes in class and outside of class to keep myself focused. I love things that are artsy and colorful, so using lots of colors keeps my attention on the material.

Self care - I love face masks, body lotion, and moisturizers. I can't afford the super expensive skincare that you see on TIkTok and Instagram, but I have found some products that work well for me. I like the non abrasive Neutrogena face wash, Nivea body lotion (with shea butter - this also helped heal my tattoos!), and peach slices acne patches (my current lifesavers). Freeman is a brand that makes some really good face masks that have worked for my somewhat senstiive skin and they have a good variety so that you can find what you may be looking for you. They're an inexpensive brand (I think) that works pretty well. Even my sister who is into cosmetology and skincare and knows all the nitty gritty details about what ingredients are good recommended the brand to me so I definitely love to use those when I can (no more than twice a week, though; no need to wear down my face)

Get a study buddy - if you're like me and you find it easier to be productive with another body around, see if you can find someone to study with you or to at least hang around you while you work. As I saif before, a friend and I have been having little picnics outside in the nice weather to work, but I have also met up with others in a library space or a study room to keep myself prodcutive. Some days, I am really productive on my own and in my room, but other days, I really need a change of scenery. Being outside of the space where my lovely bed is and having someone else bear witness to how productive or not I am being is certainly a motivator.

I may discover new habits that can help me as I progress through the next month, but as of right now, these are the main things that are helping me.

#academia #college #college student #studyblr #studying #school #student life #study aesthetic #study blog #study motivation #college life #university #student #art student #school aesthetic #learning #study #studyspo #study space #study tips #tips #useful #helpful #how to #studyspiration #study session #studystudystudy

[wifediaries]

Could you please help me to do a girly weekend at home? What activities I could do ? What movie or series could watch? ..

hi babe! i absolutely can, i love having girly weekends at home! relaxing and debriefing from your week is so important for your mental health so it’s great that you’ve decided to put this together! 💋

girly weekend at home below!

‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊ ♡ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ♡ ‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧

STEP ONE: PREPARATION 🧸

in order to enjoy your weekend stress free, you need to make sure that your space is clean, comfy and in order. i suggest you take as long as you need to make your house / bedroom spotless. change your sheets, vacuum, wipe the surfaces, do your laundry— anything that needs doing get it done. i know, this is meant to be a relaxing weekend— but i always feel so much better and less stressed when my space is tidy. in addition to this, make sure any tasks you need to complete are done. homework, assignments, emails you need to answer for work, that one call you’ve been putting off, get it done! i know it’s hard, sometimes these things can be stressful especially if we have been procrastinating them for a while, but a promise from me to you, and you to yourself is that once it’s done you’re done for the weekend. you can relax and feel ten times better knowing there’s no responsibility left weighing on your mind. given you have tidied your space beforehand, completing these tasks will seem easier, and you’ll be more motivated to do so in a tidier room.

STEP TWO: THE SHOWER THAT TOPS ALL SHOWERS 🧸

once you’re done, your relaxing weekend awaits. you are going to clean the stress and exhaustion of the week off your body. i suggest applying a hair mask to your hair before so, letting it soak into your hair whilst your prepare for your shower / bath. grab your fluffy bath robe, towel and slippers. set them aside and then lay out all of the products you’re going to need when you come out of the bathroom. skincare, lotions, and any kind of hair product / appliance. then, pick out your favourite pyjamas and lay them out, whether they’re the comfiest, or make you feel the prettiest. having all of it prepared for you once you get out will save you from rushing around, and you can take things at a relaxed pace. then, hop in the shower. take your time pampering yourself— exfoliating all over, scrubbing head to toe (gently!) shaving everywhere you need to shave if that’s your thing and washing your hair. beforehand, pick what playlist you would like / create one specifically for your shower and make sure it’s one that’s fun and girly that you can sing along to! once you’re out, lather yourself in your favourite smelling products, take care of your skin and spend your time on your hair, whether that’s defining your curls, applying oils, braiding it or blow drying and applying rollers. take your time! you’ve got all weekend.

STEP THREE: TIME TO UNWIND 🧸

now, it’s time to eat. make yourself your favourite dinner, or if you feel like treating yourself with take out you can do that too. if you’ve already eaten dinner, or prefer to eat dinner before you shower make yourself a snack or bake a dessert! spending time in the kitchen, creating something is an art form! you’ll feel super happy and satisfied eating something you spent time on. listen to music whilst you make / wait for your food and once it’s ready, sit down and eat it watching something, whether it’s a movie, the series you’re binging or a youtube video. once your done, clear up and head back to your room.

STEP FOUR: ACTIVITY TIME! 🧸

now you can decide on what to do! you can watch a girly movie or series, nothing too stressful or scary — this weekend is meant to be relaxing! some of my favourite girly movies to watch include 13 going on 30, clueless, mean girls, easy a, wild child, confessions of a shopaholic, aquamarine — the list goes on. if you’re looking to start a girly series, pretty little liars is a good one though it is a little stressful! other series’ to binge: good girls, gilmore girls, gossip girl, two broke girls, sex in the city / the carrie diaries. if you aren’t in the mood to watch something, try doing something creative! my favourite thing to do is journal— write down your plans for the year / month, write down what you’re going to manifest as if you already have it. whilst doing so, be sure to play some soft music and light a candle to feel at your most relaxed!

STEP FIVE: MAKE YOUR HOT GIRL DRINK 🧸

your hot girl drink can be anything, and i have discovered that everything feels a little more relaxing when you have a fun little drink to go with it. so, pick your poison. if you’re of age, a glass of your favourite wine could do the trick (just dont go overboard, you don’t wanna feel unwell when you wake up!) your favourite tea in your favourite mug, a hot chocolate with your favourite toppings, or if you don’t want any of these — grab yourself a tall glass of ice water. you can never go wrong with feeling hydrated.

STEP SIX: WHATEVER ELSE YOU NEED TO FEEL AT PEACE 🧸

the rest is up to you. i can’t tell you what you’ll find the most relaxing, i can only give you ideas. remember, you don’t need to have your girly relaxing weekend alone. if you’re not in the headspace where you want to be on your own, invite a friend / friends round to join you and make a fun pamper sleepover out of it! if you are planning on being alone, maybe curl up with a book and lose yourself for a while, healthy escapism can be super comforting and help you unwind, especially as it starts to get late. before you sleep, prepare a comfortable lounge outfit for you to wear once you’re awake the next day — or perhaps some exercise gear. i recommend starting your day with some light yoga, and or a meditation! it’ll set the tone for the day and keep your body relaxed and stress free.

enjoy! relax — you’ve earned it 💞

Mimi 💗

#amberosse #divine feminine journey #girly aesthetic #mimis guide ♡ #fashion blog #pink aesthetic

[femmefatalevibe]

Hello!

Hope you’re doing great today.

How do you become your best self- like operating in your full Potential? There’s a girl I know of who’s super popular on campus and she’s great: a model, may be doing pageants one day (I encouraged her), and is super smart. Recently on IG I saw she’s at Harvard Business school studying and she has a major in Political science.

I’m an English major - couldn’t attach myself to any legal studies because it wasn’t for me and I get insulted by family that I should be doing something other than English (they look down on the major).

So I find myself comparing myself to her because I am trying to do different clubs, and speak up and be all that I can be. But I’m not seeing anything changing for me.

I get over looked a lot, and it’s a new school for me (I’m a transfer student) so that’s added.

And I’m so lost.

I often looked down on my degree, I do believe I should be a speaker or go to galas and study things that holds influence. To be a woman of change but I don’t see that. I haven’t gotten any scholarships for holding events for clubs, nor do I get recognized.

I feel like I’m not doing enough and I feel inadequate in my abilities (I literally took a creative writing class with fifteen other poets for a special class and the Professor would constantly nit pick at my writing and say I have to revise - and the other students would be praised for their writing. And I actually thought I was a great poet til that happened. And he’s a poet himself, and well known so that hurt. And was embarrassing cause my peers weren’t helpful or encouraging either. They would just stare at me while he critiqued my work).

Not sure who I should be.

I’m not even good at the things I thought I was good at.

But when looking at my acquaintance- I see such great things going to happen for her in her future (all well deserved).

Hi love! You sound like you're doing great for someone in university, honestly. Most people, especially at that age, do not take the time or energy required to self-reflect and think critically about how they can improve/ thrive in their environment instead of blaming external circumstances for any obstacles they face. You sound very emotionally mature, which I'm sure will take you far. Having so much uncertainty and little support is so difficult, so know that your feelings are valid regarding why you feel uncertain and like you're losing time in this current moment.

While it is easier said than done, comparing yourself to others is a waste of the time and energy you can be spending on ideas, hobbies, and activities that make you happy/help you reach your goals. Please know that people putting you down for being an English major is very closed-minded. There are so many career paths you can pursue with an English degree (signed someone who almost did one, lol) – copywriting, PR, social media/content strategy & creation, UX & technical writing, broadcast journalism, reporter, editor, screenwriting, etc. Also, he is one poet – that is an opinion, not a general consensus. He might be a professional and have considerable skills under his belt, but that does not make his words gospel. Writing quality can be fairly subjective. However, the way he singled you out is awful – I would talk to an advisor about this unprofessional behavior.

The best things you can do in a situation like this are three-fold:

Focus on taking care of yourself. Block out what others, especially critics, think or say about any choices you're making that don't hurt anyone else. Try to establish some healthy routines (meals, walks, workouts, studying, skincare, reading, etc.) to feel more in control of your day-to-day life

Sit down and reflect on the activities that give you energy, what you're passionate about, and the goals that you would most like to achieve in the few years after university and the immediate ones while you're still on campus. For example, it sounds like you're interested in writing, public speaking, and fancy events. Find resources to get good at these skills and ways to get yourself in your desired work environment (internships, temp service work for special events, etc.) Maybe consider potential career paths like PR or speech writing. Consider creative outlets like making a podcast, TikTok, or Youtube videos.

Make it a priority to develop confidence in yourself and an unwavering sense of self-trust. I feel like an old lady saying this, but you're so young and have so much time to figure it out. Everyone has different histories, traumas, resources, and advantages/disadvantages in this life. Spending time ruminating over those of others and comparing notes is taking away the energy and creativity you need to pour into constructing your own life and identity.

Hope this helps xx

#femmefatalevibe #college student #college advice #career advice #career path #life skills #student life #life path #life lessons #life advice #career tips #self confidence #self concept #q/a #goal setting #healthyhabits #self esteem

[themotherofblood]

Zaroorat

Stucky x Reader

Part 2 of Sukoon Mila

In my world, Agents of Shield is canon!!!

Warning for this chapter. Mentions of anxiety and torture. Y/n is super angsty man!!

Trauma, it does things to people. Doesn’t matter how one has suffered it gives them something or completely take something away. Some cling to forms of affection, some can’t sleep on beds and some just can’t sleep entirely. Sleep. It was a battlefield, every night the same prep of skincare routines and essential oils only so that you may find quiet in your head for a few hours.

It was a lot easier with Bucky around. He had a fuck ton of scars of his own. You somehow felt ashamed to share yours since they felt so minuscule in nature, compared to what he had gone through. You wished everyday you would understand what kind of demons tortured him. From going to therapy sessions with him to reading up on possible triggers and how to overcome them. In order to hide your own pain. You both would lay awake often at night with Steve passed out next to either of you. It was most the times you sandwiched in between them, or Steve in between the two of you but either way, the pieces fit perfectly . Thirty toes and thirty fingers that collectively held a lamp in a raging storm, each of them taking turns to shield each other. Well until they left

You didn’t know how long you sat on the floor of your bedroom, holding your head in your hands. You were breathing, you looked calm. But the storm within you would put Thor’s abilities to shame. He just came back, just like that. You were furious that he could just leave when he wants and come back when he wants with no adherence to consequences for who he or they might hurt in the process. The better part of you wanted chug a few Advils down your throat and walk out there cold and bitchy and get whatever this alien scuffle is and be over with it, the gooey part of you though wanted to run up to him and kiss every part of his perfect face, drag him into a shower like you always did after a mission and completely forget about the last two years. But you couldn’t do it, you can’t do it. You can’t forget. Everytime you look in the mirror. You know you are not the little in love assistant anymore.

Rubbing at your eyes, you knew exactly what you had to do. You looked around your room. With half burned incense in the air and the soft gleam of your lamp, you pushed yourself off the carpet. Walking towards your vanity, you looked at yourself, brushing out the tangled pieces in your hair.

“Breathe, just breathe.” An internal mantra that kept you on your feet, as you decided to walk back into that conference room. It felt weird making this walk again, you had done it many times before. This very corridor held memories that both you and Steve had shared

From the first awkward, pubescent interactions of

“Hi Captain.” your young hopeful voice would acknowledge him and his meek

“Hello Y/n.” Would ablaze your body with euphoria.

To being; slowly backed up against the cool grey walls, to steal secret kisses before mission briefings, or sitting slumped against its walls, drunk and cackling about how funny Mark 42 would look if it had a blue tutu on. The times when this corridor felt frustratingly long, as the two of you tried to not tear each other’s clothes off. You also remember the walk you made down this hall, when Tony told you that they weren’t coming back.

You rubbed your hands up and down your arms as you hugged yourself while walking. Trying to make yourself small, or atleast feel like you weren’t so raw, so exposed. Once you were in the room, you simply walked over to the armchair that you always sat on and plopped yourself down. With a few more seconds of internal coaxing you finally looked up and good god did the rest of them look like shit. Sam was leaning on the countertop of the kitchen sporting one of his ever so soft smiles. Natasha was sitting on one of the bar stools looking at you with that same look and then there was Steve, standing over the analysis projection as poised and commanding as ever. He didn’t say anything, he simply looked at Natasha and sighed.

“He’s after the stones. This we know.” your voice almost wavering

“What’s the plan?”

Bruce began to fill the team in on everything that happened on Asgard, his interaction with Thanos. What he believed their plan was. They wanted Vision. Vision believed that Wanda could destroy the stone, to which Wanda looked absolutely torn. You wanted to comfort her, hold her and tell her it was going to be okay but you just couldn’t bring yourself to care. Rodhey brought over a cup of tea for you, which you were now nursing and relishing the warmth in your hands. The team continued to disagree and talk over one another and it all sounded muffled to you.

“Thor is dead, Tony is gone, Peter is gone. Whoever that Bleecker Street Wizard was is also gone!” Your voice began to rise

“For all we know they already have the Time Stone.” you yelled, looking manic

“So what we need right now is to get rid of that Stone,” you pointed to Vision’s head. Then you turned to Bruce

“You made him! Now save him!”

You needed Vision to be okay, you needed these people to be okay. Sure a small part of you hates them at this very moment but they are your family and you just needed everybody to be okay!

“We don’t trade lives.” Steve shot down Vision’s idea of self sacrifice again.

Others couldn’t figure out what they were to do about the mind stone until Steve spoke up again.

“I might know a place” he looked around the room

“Wakanda.”

Your hands hold the mug tighter as the words ring into your ears, Wakanda. Rhodey’s eyes immediately shoot to you and you silently plead with your eyes for him to not say anything about it at all. Though Steve noticed, he always notices you.

Steve had been in Wakanda for a week. He remembers holding Bucky’s hand as they brain mapped him, as his lover turned to ice in a capsule. The nights he’d sit in the lab next to his unconscious lover, staring at the photo of his other lover that he kept in his pocket watch. He prayed everyday while he tried to fix what was done to Buck, that Y/n was safe. Even with his difference with Tony, he knew that man would give his life for that girl. His brain was scrambled from the mess he had created, and in that week he wanted nothing more than to pick up his burner phone and call her. She would have yelled at him, told him how disappointed she was. But she would have also told him how to fix this, and told him to come home. Had he heard her say that, he would have caved; the world be damned.

He stayed there until Natasha came for him, he felt like a dagger had been plunged through his heart while his whole body was set on fire. Nobody had ever seen Steve Rogers cry other than his partners but as the Quinjet flew past the Wakandan barrier, Steve silently sobbed. His grief had transformed to rage, the once golden boy had only one set goal in his mind. Destroy Hydra for good.

——————————————————————-

“You don’t have to go with us.”

Rhodhey knew better than to ask you to come with them to Wakanda

“You can run analytics, pr.”

“Ross” you shoved his shoulder at the mention of him.

The both of you were sitting outside on a bench looking over the water, your head rested on his shoulder and a blanket wrapped around you, just admiring the night sky. How is it the something so serene, so beautiful was going to be the very cause of your extinction .

“They saved me, I can’t just not go.” you sighed

“Call it in Roh, I’ll be out here for a little longer.”

He knew you needed some time alone, he knew because he often woke up late at night, watching you sit in this very spot looking up at the sky. He knew you weren’t okay, but he also knew you were doing your best with what you had. With a squeeze to your shoulder he walked back into the campus. Leaving you outside with your thoughts. Where was Bucky? You hadn’t said it out loud yet but you were confused by why he wasn’t with the group. You knew he wasn’t dead because Steve seemed relaxed. There was one thing you would bet your life on, and that was Steve Rogers would break if anything ever happened to James Buchanan Barnes. You’d hoped that he was okay, that maybe he would have been the one to reach out to you. A letter or some indication that they were alive, that they were still okay. It was silly but you told yourself small things like, they saw the same moon or the same stars. You also hated yourself for feeling jealous and sobbing, thinking about how they would have been wrapped up around each other at night while you were in bed alone.

Your thoughts came to a halt when you felt someone’s presence behind you, the closer it got; you immediately knew who it was. At this very moment you wanted to get up and walk your ass back inside, but you were just so exhausted of fighting. Fighting yourself, fighting them. You were just tired. He stopped a few feet behind you, you could practically hear the gears turning in Steve’s head. He didn’t know what to say to you, he didn’t even know if you wanted to hear him out. You simply stuck a finger out of your blanket and tapped the spot next to you.

A small amount of warmth spread inside Steve, you still wanted to speak to him. Small step but he was starving and he’d take any scraps he got.

“What happened in Wakanda?” His voice sounded hesitant

“Two years.” You take a deep breath before going on.

“Two years and that’s the first thing you as-“

“How are you then?” He cut you off

“Great, you” you quickly replied

He laughs “Good.”

Silence, usually with the two of you it was comforting but now it just feels dangerous. As if any amp of noise would make you explode. You felt the warmth for his shoulder that grazed yours, it was enough. Enough to hit all those years of bottled up emotions right in your chest. You wanted nothing more than to climb onto his lap and tell him all about what has happened. Touch every part of him, like if he got up now he’d evaporate right in front of your eyes.

“I’m sorry I can’t.” You shot up and went to grab your cup but he caught hold of your hand. Just for a moment his eyes widen at the almost fading surgical scars on your hands. To a normal person’s eyesight they would practically be invisible but he saw them clear as day.

“I’m sorry.” he whispered as he held onto your hand. He was almost afraid to speak above a whisper, he felt like you’d run away if he did. So you obliged, you knew what he wanted and you sat back down.

“Where’s Buck, Steve?” You looked him in the eye this time. You were hoping that he’d say he was in hiding or just didn’t want to come back here

“Wakanda. He is in Wakanda.” That reply made your heart stop

“Why? Was he hurt?” Panic flared in your eyes

“No no, they gave him refuge. Helped him with the programming in his head. He’s fine.” Steve replied quickly in an attempt to calm you down. He noticed changes in you but he was elated that who you really were was still in there. That you still cared.

“How long?” You heart thumped in your ears again, was he under your nose this whole time?

“This entire time, hun.” his eyes briefly show pain before he looks back at you.

He was there with you, this whole time! He was there, you were there and they didn’t tell you. Tony and Rhodes wouldn’t have known, Tony would have destroyed half of Wakanda trying to get to James. Did he come to visit? Did he see what was done to you? You felt betrayed by them and Shuri. If Bucky was in Wakanda it was sure that she treated him. Your time there was hell but they saved you. They had methods that western medicine would never be able to come up with. Did he hear you cry out for them? Hear you scream. If he did see, would he still want you anymore?

You hadn’t felt this way in a long time. You didn’t want to talk about what was done to you. The consequence of Captain America’s girlfriend being unprotected and the opportunities it provided people with.

“Y/n” Steve hands rubbed up and down your shoulders

“Come back, it okay. You are safe.” This wasn’t his first rodeo with your panic attacks, though he wasn’t a witness to how bad they had gotten since his departure

Why was he talking to you like this? It’s not like he has even an inkling of the trauma you’d been put through, but you invited it. Even after all you were out through, being in the arms of this man made you feel the safest you have felt in years.

And for a moment the man who hurt you, his voice faded from your memories

“Discovery requires experimentation…”

#stucky x reader #stucky #bucky barns x reader #bucky barnes #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #agents of shield #agents of s.h.i.e.l.d. #marvel #marvel fanfiction #chris evans #sebastian stan #captain america #winter solider #captain america fanfiction #winter solider fanfiction

[wakeishasunshine]

✨SATURDAY/SUNDAY RESET {GYST}-SELF CARE ED.

This is for the girls who love a slow morning but also want to {Get Their Shit Together}. Sunday resets are my favorite form of routine. It may not happen every time just because of my work schedule. But hopefully this can be a beginners cheat sheet for someone else. This also works if your going through seasonal depression to start off in good spirits for the week while re-creating your routine. Also I split this up into two days just for the sake of it not being overwhelming. Remember baby steps. So if you are struggling maybe do three things on the list to start off, and add a new one every week). Some things will change depending on your reg. day lifestyle. Do what works for you.

Wake up in your own time. ( Let your body wake up naturally but still try to wake up before 10, we don't want the day to slide by)

Open your curtains and make your bed. (Regardless of whether you will get back in it later)

Drink some lemon water, then your tea or coffee.

Sit down and enjoy the morning.

Journal/meditate/do affirmations.

Watch a sermon, listen to a podcast, read or watch positive videos on Youtube. (Positivity is key) {My faves: Geranika Mycia, Face Over Matter, Sarah Jakes Roberts}

Work out (if its one of your workout days) or rest (if its a rest day)

Eat breakfast.

Hygiene (shower, skincare, teeth, hair {if its a wash day} ) (I usually just do my brows on these days, it just makes me feel good)

Put on some feel good clothes. (I like sweatpants or baggy jeans, a tank top and a fluffy/thick cardigan or some leggings, a tank top, and some thick socks with a fluffy cardigan or maybe even a oversized button up)

Go food shopping. (make sure you eat and make a list before you go. Be intentional with what your getting. Make a meal plan for the week. Maybe take a snack with you and some water. I try to plan for at least 3-4 days. Breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner.)

Buy yourself some flowers. (if you like them, if flowers aren't your thing maybe try a new candle that you can burn for the week)

Go home, start your meal prep. (I do this by either watching something on my iPad or listening to music.)

Do laundry. (If you do this every Sunday it won't build up and you can also always see your options.)

Get clothes out for the week and hang them up. (Iron if you need to also)

Clean your space.(Put things away, vacuum, sweep/mop) If you do this at the end of every week things won't build up and be overwhelming, remember we are trying to makes things easier for ourselves.

Plan and schedule out your week. (I like to write everything out but you can also put it in your phone)

Prepare/eat dinner. (sit and only focus on this moment)

Hygiene prep for bed. Put on some comfy PJ's.

Have some tea or a snack.

Watch a good light show.

Lay down and get some rest. (Try to get 7 to 8 hours of sleep)

✨**Some other ideas for a Sunday: (because self care is a broad topic)**✨

Go out to dinner alone. (or with close friends)

Go to a book store for a hour or two. (I love a good book store, I will sit in there, put on some music, and write in my planner/journal, people watch and drink coffee.)

Go to a coffee shop.

Go to Target (Restoration Hardware or Crate and Barrel or CB2). (I love walking around in Target, looking at décor, and manifesting for dream future apartment.)

Take a walk/go to a park.

Dance alone in your house. (This can be your workout)

Do self maintenance (nails, lashes, laser hair removal, hair)

Make a manifestation mood board.

Try a new recipe.

Go get cookies from a bakery. (or bake some)

Make a charcuterie board and watch a movie (or binge watch a new series)

(pictures are not mine)

#black woman #30's black girl vibe #becoming her #black girl aesthetic #black girl moodboard #black excellence #black exceptionalism #black girls of tumblr #black culture #6 month challenge #self care #soul flow #self healing #soft black girls #soft life #manifesting #high maintenance

[piscesseer]

Beauty and Perfection: Venus in Virgo 🌹

On October 8, Venus will enter Virgo, staying there for one month, until November 8. Explore the more practical side of love, and new ways to better yourself.

Venus is the planet of love, pleasure and beauty, while Virgo is a sign of logic, practicality and organization. It is said that Venus is in its fall with Virgo, meaning it can struggle in this position. We can often use the wisdom of this sign to our advantage and find ways to learn from this difficult transit. 

We have implemented the important lessons we learned from Venus’ Retrograde. Venus spent a long time in the fiery, dramatic sign of Leo. Moving into the more down-to-Earth sign of Virgo means that Venus might be taking in a refreshing, grounded breath. 

Though Virgo’s energy is more grounded, it is anything but relaxing if we allow anxieties to manifest. With Virgo’s influence, as well as Venus opposing Saturn on October 10, we may feel like keeping other people at an arm’s length. A feeling of being unloved and dissatisfied can make it difficult to be close to others. Take time to think realistically and rationalize, because Virgo also does that best.

It can be a tough time sorting through the conflicting influences. It doesn’t mean things will fall apart, but that your understanding of relationships can become much clearer.

This transit brings a more serious vibe to all of our partnerships. We don’t have time for the ones that don’t live up to your highest standards. It’s time to answer the hard questions in our relationships, weigh the pros and cons about staying in a relationship. Virgo is all facts and less feelings, which can be helpful to cut out that person who isn’t good for you. Single people will see their standards at their height. Anyone that makes it through this trail is a keeper.

The shadow side of this position is being overly critical of our partners or relationships, picky, nervous, or worried. Be aware of what is really happening, versus what anxiety could be manifesting. Try making a pros and cons list and sitting still with your thoughts if we are struggling.

When the planet of love and beauty is in Virgo, we tend to express our love through practical means and gestures. Rendering services to others can fill a need, and can be an expression of love. This could also mean we show our boss we care by doing something such as staying late at work and really going the extra mile. This can also be a time when helping others, particularly with good advice regarding these Venus-ruled things, can be prominent and successful.

Virgo is also quite practical and mental, so what we purchase and the types of entertainment we enjoy during this cycle are ruled by whether or not they make sense and serve a practical purpose. It can be a good time to make a budget, consider what we have been spending money on just for the fun of it and if it truly benefits us or is an impulse purchase to bring momentary happiness. We could easily feel guilty if we are too self-indulgent, so just try to find that balance to ease guilt.

We could become interested in ways to enrich our lives and boost our well-being. This can be a great time to focus on your health, as well as to improve your personal appearance. Try a new skincare routine or hairstyle.

This transit will bring about a metaphorical cleansing of your relationships, but we may also want to do some physical cleaning and sorting. Throwing out old makeup, putting together donation bags of clothes, and doing a full clean on your apartment is a great thing to do.

October 22, Venus will trine Jupiter, which is good news within this tougher transit. This brings about a feeling that anything is possible. We have sorted through things that have come up, and now it’s easier to trust and our confidence is higher. 

Toward the end of October, we have Venus trine Uranus, and then oppose Neptune. We’re ready to take risks in the romantic department, especially now that we know what our expectations are. We can also dream big about romance, pleasure, material items. Just remember the lessons of practicality from Virgo and don’t take it too far.

 Venus in Virgo will bring a focus on the practical and the everyday. Use this time to make positive changes in your daily life and relationships. By the end of Venus’ transit through Virgo, we will be more confident and passionate about our relationships, our daily life and our finances.

Journal Prompts and Reflections for Venus in Virgo:

How do you express love and affection in practical ways? Do you or your partner appreciate acts of service, like doing chores or running errands for each other?

How can you balance your desire for improvement with acceptance and love for your partner or yourself?

Do you find that cleanliness and organization contribute to a sense of peace and balance in your life?

How are you prioritizing self-care and well-being in your daily routine? Are there new health or wellness habits you're incorporating into your life, and how are they affecting your relationship with yourself and others?

#venus in virgo #current astrology #venus #venus transit

[chris-continues]

T4T, will you spoil me?

Genderqueer Asmo/genderqueer self insert

This is lowkey personal but I thought it would be sweet to have more genderqueer Asmo content… since I’ve never seen a genderqueer character in media. Keep in mind I was lowkey cringing while writing the title- but cringe is dead LOLL

Enjoy <3

Sometimes I don’t like being trans smh

Chris sends to Asmo after hesitating.

The little text bubbles that pop up soon disappear as she sends a questioning devilmoji followed by an angry one.

Can I come to ur room??

<3

He sends a heart to assure me she’s not angry. Well, not at me- in the hateful way.

Yeah

I hope it’s not a hassle

it’s been a lot lately

Within the next few minutes, Asmo is knocking and awaiting for Chris to answer.

Both of them have had their rough nights, where Chris got used to being in Asmo’s company- and where Asmo got used to holding Chris’ hands when giving him a manicure, (with the finest polish he could afford, of course).

“Hi!” He came in, laying down a “small” (for Asmo), bag of beauty products.

“Hello!” Chris closed the door behind her and sighed.

“Tell me, what’s on your mind?” Asmo guided Chris with her hand on the small of his back, something he would usually be uncomfortable with if it were someone else.

But it was Asmo.. funny, sweet, caring, gorgeous Asmo.

He pauses, attempting to find the words that worked.

“Being femme and going by he/him is a struggle… and it’s getting to me a bit.”

Asmo stopped shuffling through the bag, looking at him through chestnut lashes, “The human realm is so gross about that stuff…”, she sighs, “it’s more accepting here though.”

Chris looked away, “yeah, I know”, he paused to let Asmo take off his glasses.

“Are you adjusting?”

“Mhm.” Chris hums.

“I swear, you work too hard..” she inspects Chris’ skin, eyeing the persistent acne and oil. “I can tell you made an effort in the human realm, but..” she starts to rub some sort of cool product onto the skin, soothing his face, “I bet just relaxing and putting on some otherworldly products will make you feel better.”

“God, you spoil me..” Chris smiles-

“Shhh- you’re gonna ruin it!” He complies to Asmo’s request, relaxing his face.

“Anyway- you deserve to be spoiled. You’re really cute, Yknow?”

Chris has to clench and unclench his hands to keep his face from having an immediate reaction.

She thinks I’m cute?

Asmo said stuff like that often- he shook it off as normal.

“I was supposed to apply it wet.. but it’ll be fine. We can just- here- follow me to your bathroom.” Asmo helped Chris up, walking to his bathroom and letting him wash it off before making a few corrections-

“Can I?”

“Can you wha?”

“Can I wash it off for you?”

He nodded.

Chris had glowy skin, although it wasn’t clear that didn’t matter too much. Chris wanted clear skin for years according to what he’d told her, so Asmo would make it come true.

He couldn’t help himself from brushing a thumb against Chris’ cheek, he had such a beautiful face..

“That feels nice, hm. Maybe I should have you do my skincare every day.”

“I wouldn’t mind ittt…” she chuckles.

He… he kinda wishes he could.

In fact, both of them do- but it would be too much of a bother for Asmo, wouldn’t it? You know what I mean, she’s got his whole fanclub to attend to..

Asmo lifts Chris’ head up to gently pat his face dry with a towel, “I’ll just go grab the whole bag from your room, it’ll be easier.” She blows a kiss, making Chris giggle before walking away for a split second.

Chris looks in the mirror, hair askew and he can faintly make out silhouettes of items and furniture. Asmo had taken off his glasses in his bedroom… Why did it feel so intimate?

Don’t finish that thought-

Asmo waltzes back into the bathroom, applying toner onto a cotton pad and applying it to the high points of Chris’ face to give an uplifted look.

Along the process, she whines about not being able to sit down and decidedly (and with consent), ends up straddling Chris on the chair. Both feel their hearts racing, inching to get closer to the other.

“Mmm… you’re lucky- I don’t normally say sappy crap like this but being genderqueer never really had a label here.. it’s nice to kinda feel close to something? Hm.”

Chris looks up at her; mistakingly gazing tauntingly through his eyelashes, making those irresistible eyes Asmo admired.

“Yeah, I get what you mean,” he bounces his leg, “I’ve never even met another genderqueer person. It’s like- insane to me.”

“Awww, I’m special?”

“Mhm.”

“Chris…”

“Yeah?”

A pause follows as he takes a deep breath, deciding now is better than never.

“You’re so amazing. You hold like- this air of elegance wherever you walk and you’re really smart, you know Devildom history better than most of my demons here! And you work like really hard and are so beautiful- you have an amazing sense of style and I love matching outfits with you.”

“That’s.. oh my god that’s so sweet. Thank you oh my- aww.” Chris holds his hands in his lap because he doesn’t know where to put them.

She waits a minute, before realizing Chris took it platonically.

“Oh my goddd you dummy I like you!”

“In a… like- love- like dating? Like-“

“Mhmm..” Asmo licks his lips, a nervous habit of his.

Chris is (and has been) unashamedly checking her out,

“Can I… touch you?”

“Mhm.”

Chris lays his right hand on Asmo’s, his left on her back.

“Closer. I don’t know if I wanna look at you.”

“Rudeee! I’m gorgeous excuse you-“

“You are. And it’ll make me nervous Asmooo..” She finally complies with a playful pout.

“I think I like you too. You’re really pretty and supportive, and I find myself being drawn to you. I feel comfortable around you and god you make me like- super nervous. I feel like I don’t deserve you sometimes- you have amazing sense for clothes and I love your hair and eyes. Fucking hell that was- super bad.”

“Aaaa! I loved it!…” Asmo pulls back, his eyes lighting up. “Can I kiss you?”

Chris looks taken aback, so Asmo adds on, “Not on the lips, I swear.” He takes out a pinky and Chris does the same, smiling nervously.

She ends up leaving a small peck on Chris’ jaw.

“I’m disappointed you didn’t do a few more..” Chris moves both hands to Asmo’s back.

“Don’t want to ruin the product… that stuff isn’t cheap!” She whines. “More jaw kisses are in store… on your bed. My knees hurt..”

With that, they change rooms once again, with mutual cuddling and bits of chatter.

“Do you want to become romantic with me?..” Chris asks.

“I do. And you?”

“..I do. But you’re gonna need to be patient with me.”

“Of course I will!” Asmo turns from the little spoon position and looks up from Chris’ chest into his eyes, “Spoiling you is the best part.” He winks.

“Oh my god you’re gonna be the end of me..” Chris smiles, hiding his face again.

#princess treatment #genderqueer asmo #shall we date asmodeus #om! asmodeus #self insert x fictional other #personal #genderqueer #lgbtq #trans t4t #asmodeus obey me #shall we date obey me #chris writes #fanfic #obey me

[vivacioussaint]

TW: Depression and sui thoughts

You know, as a 19 year old, I’ve come to terms with how my life is going to be.

Alone

Boring

People pleaser

Alone- because no matter what I fucking do, I’m not valued enough by my own fucking family. I don’t have any friends. I have coworker, but do they count? Hell no. I tried joining the dating scene by joining dating apps? Did it work? No.

And sometimes, I feel like I’m to blame. I don’t put enough effort into being social or outgoing. Extroverted and cheerful. Instead, I’m introverted, a homebody, antisocial. Crowds are too much for me. Sitting and eating alone sounds nice. Looking at a YouTube video in the grass away from everyone else, splendid.

Boring- A homebody. I rarely go out and when I do it’s mostly just to grab things necessary. Like skincare. Personal hygiene, food, etc.

Do I go out because I feel like it? No. And either way, I’ve learned to save money, that’s the good thing. I’m saving my money in order to be able to go to college in the fall. To finally start my new career choice.

Will I make friends then? Probably, but will I be able to explain to them I feel comfortable in my home and don’t want to go out as much? I can only hope.

People pleaser - this is the most important one. I can’t for the life of me be fucking selfish. I would sacrifice so much of myself to make at least the person happy. Especially my mother.

I remember in high school she would come home tired, exhausted. To the point she wants to lay down. I would vacuum, mop, clean the dishes, throw out the garbage, fill up the water filter, help with laundry, etc. All without an allowance. Sometimes complains to my mom it’s too much and that my sister should do something instead of sleep the moment she get home (it rarely worked).

So when I finally started to work to support myself and my mother, while my dad finds work. I handed over the chores to my sister. What does she do? Demand to be paid for her labor. If she doesn’t get paid, she won’t do it. And if she doesn’t get paid for her work, after it being half assed, she will throw a fit.

So I helped my mom with her allowance. $60 from me every 2 weeks. And $30 from my mom every week. In total she made $240 a month to keep our house “clean.” The kitchen floor dirty from spills. Our dogs bring in dirt/mud for her walk outside, the cats litter scattered, the pots and pans still left on the stove while the dishes were washed, the garbage taken out of the bin and put on the floor.

$240 a month for that. While I did it without any of the demand things she wanted. Instead I did it with the thought of. “Let my mom come home to a clean house so she can relax.” Even if my mom didn’t ask, I still did it.

I started working to help her with her debt, to help her pay the bills sometimes, to help her out while my dad tried to find a stable job.

Overall, I think I’m not meant for this family. When my coworkers hear how I’m doing this for my mom, they said they wish they can have a daughter like me. They would kill to have a daughter like me. How great of a daughter I would be.

And sometimes I think it’s true. My mother doesn’t acknowledge me sometimes. Doesn’t acknowledge how much I would do for her, why I’m doing this for her, what I would give to try to make her life a little bit easier.

And with these thoughts, it eats at me. Because I think it would be better if I just, left this family. Whether physical or spiritually. Like run away and say I’ve had enough. But who tf wants to pay $2000 a month of rent in Miami, FL. For a fucking apartment. The lowest it can go is $1200. That’s my whole pay check from working as a medical assistant. And don’t even get me started on the suicidal thoughts, sometimes I want to go with the plan I had curated in my head, but I can’t.

I can’t leave my mother who I care for, I can’t leave my sister although she not the best I still love her, and my father who has my name and face tattooed on his arm since the day I was born.

It’s just been overwhelming and when it bottles up. It just comes out one day, sometimes I tell these things to my mom and although she listens, she doesn’t know how to handle my feelings. So much so that she has to go to my sister to get support. And when I suggest and intervention such as help from a therapist, she dismiss the idea.

So I’m just stuck, accepting life for what it is. That this is how it might be as I get older.

And I’m scared I’ll be okay with it.

#♡ lovely talks! ♡ #tw mental health #mentally drained #tw depression #tw sui ideation #mentalheathawareness

[ditloe]

3/365

January 3, 2023

Well, I was definitely debating on writing a journal entry for today or not. It was a pretty bland day, so I felt like I didn’t need/want to write about it. However, I need to hold myself accountable and push through with this goal.

Same old morning routine as usual - skincare, hygiene, walked doggo, ate food. Woke up at a meh time (~9:30). Not the time I would like but I did sleep at 1am the previous night so I deserve my 8 hours of beauty sleep. I woke up with a sore throat from last night. It is still lingering which is quite annoying but I’m hoping it’s from eating a bag of Funyuns because those chips can really scratch up my throat. I drank some honey ginger tea, and it was really spicy due to the ginger overpowering the sweet honey. After my usual tasks were done, I fell into a deep hole of watching Netflix shows - specifically You. This show is intriguing, and I finished the first season today and started season 2. I realized I was just sitting on my butt for the most part of the day and decided to walk on my walking pad while watching You. It was good and I was able to get 5k steps in for the first part of my day. I am still really wishing I could get a standing desk soon, so it’d be easier to use my PC while walking. Unfortunately, money is an issue right now and I definitely have other priorities I need to set my money aside for such as Kona’s teeth cleaning. Speaking of Kona, I forgot to give her monthly meds. I usually give them to her on the first of every month, but it slipped my mind due to the NYE party. I gave her the meds today so hopefully she did not catch any fleas/ticks the past two days.

After walking my 5k steps, I sat back down at my desk and played a bit of Overwatch. Lost a couple games and won a couple. It is definitely more fun with friends because comms in game suck. Speaking of OW, I had this feeling in me that felt bad for commenting on Sartaj’s gameplay the other day. I kept saying he was going to die because he kept pushing into the enemies. I am no pro player, and I shouldn’t have said that. I mean, Sartaj knows more about the game than I do, and our skill levels are definitely not the same. I actually apologized to him just a couple hours ago because it was really bothering me. I don’t want to be that type of person to judge so heavily on someone’s gameplay. It reminds me of Austin and how toxic he was in every game we played.

The day moves on and I am still watching You. I guess this will be my life for now unless I go out and do stuff. I hate the rain and how it has made me into a couch potato. Without rain I feel like I can do more, go out more, and just feel happier. Not that I’m saying I wasn’t happy today, but just feel a bit more excited for the day.

Chris had to help his dad with building the shed, so he was afk from his desk for a while. I finished up the rest of my steps for the day and hit 10k. Very proud of myself for accomplishing that. When Chris got back, I didn’t really want to communicate with him not because I was mad, but just because I didn’t have much to say since I didn’t really do anything today. We said our goodnights and went to bed. Sigh, I’m hoping we can go on a small date soon just to add some spark. I’m working three days straight this weekend, so I need some fun before I am lifeless from work.

I had to check on grandma a couple times today because she was coughing and calling people telling them that she was “going to die”. Grandma tends to overreact during these times, and I wish she would just stay calm. I’m glad my mom can help her though. We gave her some meds and I’ve been checking on her every couple hours. Her O2 is pretty good right now (it was at 90 earlier - bad thing). Her temp is good also - no more fever (for now). Hoping she’ll feel a lot better tomorrow and the flu-like symptoms will disappear.

Hoping for a more productive day tomorrow or something but I’ll also try to enjoy my alone time, I guess.

+ the blanket Mya got me has been such a game changer. I feel warmer with it and sometimes even too hot. The texture of it is so nice and definitely adds to my room!

Steps: 10,044

[miekasa]

do you have any cute (or h-word) bf headcanons for the Aot boys mie?

Of course I do, I have an ever-expanding list of headcanons for all of them, from how they react to you sitting in the backseat when they pick you up, down to whether or not they would rip your bandages off after your get a shot (spoiler: Eren, Porco, and Levi fucking would)

EREN sfw

He really likes holding hands, though it’s more of a calming habit for him. Holding hands keeps him grounded, and acts as an anchor for his anxiety; so he’ll grab and/or fidget with yours periodically.

He’ll steal your skincare if he’s over at your place, but honestly he just starts… copying it lmfao. Like, he’ll take notice of your face wash when he’s over he’s like “Oh, this is nice” and then a week later, he buys a bottle for himself. Then he buys your toner, and your moisturizer, and you stay over at his place and gotta do a double take bc he’s got damn near the same of everything at this point.

He doesn’t know if he believes that classical music actually helps him to concentrate, but he does know that he’s grown to like it, so it’s become his studying music of choice. He’s got favorite composers and everything.

He’d be upset if you didn’t steal his hoodies. That’s what they’re there for. He’ll make you steal them if he has to.

He hates standing in line. For anything. If he likes a restaurant that gets super busy at lunch, he’ll order ahead for pickup (and he feels special skipping the line). At amusement parks, he pays for the fast passes. If it’s shopping, then he’d rather just do it online.

On that note, he sucks at returning things that don’t fit/he doesn’t like when he shops online, so he honestly just keeps them, or gives them to his friends—it’s much easier than going through the hassle of printing a return label, according to him.

nsfw

He likes the idea of recording you guys during sex, but he’s honestly a little too nervous to do it—nervous about being recorded himself, and about it potentially getting out somewhere.

Likes it when you look him in the eyes when you cum. In fact, he somewhat demands it.

Similarly, he’s always watching you during sex. Mostly your face, for indications of how he’s making you feel and when you’re close to your orgasm (which is why he’s got a thing for you looking at him).

He used to hate masturbating, until he tried masturbating to the idea of you, and now he fucking loves that. He takes his time with it too—if he’s gonna jack off, he’s gonna make a moment of it: sit on his bed, turn the lights off, make sure he’s all alone and can go for as long as he wants.

Threesomes are fine with him, and he doesn’t even have to be the sole one in charge, depending on who’s joining you.

ARMIN sfw

He air-dries the majority of his clothes because he doesn’t want his sweaters and knitwear to shrink. Also, he likes the smell of his fabric softener permeating the room while the clothes dry.

On a similar note, he’s got sensitive skin—not to the point where a shirt less than 75% cotton irritates him; but he is conscious of fabrics and products he uses. Because of this, he takes extra care with his laundry, his pillowcases and bedsheets are satin as are the majority of his pajama shirts, and he never ever walks around without house slippers or he’ll irritate the bottom of his feet.

He’s scared of bugs, but he doesn’t like to kill them either. Honestly, he just kinda hopes spiders and stuff will crawl away without him intervening 😭😭

He likes board games, and has a thing for The Game of Life. He cannot play chess, even though most people would guess that he could, and he’s begun to practice by playing online versions against computers to learn.

He knows everyone’s gossip because everyone comes to him to gossip. And if he’s the therapist friend, then you’re the person who receives the summary of all the tea from him at the end of the week. And man can this boy throw a bitch fest when he’s in the right mood.

nsfw

He’s got a bit of an oral fixation, so he really likes having your mouth occupied; with his fingers, with your panties, with his dick—he’s not really picky.

Likes sex with the lights on. Claims it’s because he wants to ��see all of you” (it’s really because he’s nervous he’ll fuck something up if he can’t see properly 😭😭)

He really likes making out. Like, a lot. Though it’s not something that happens often—so he builds up a lot of frustrating thinking about it, and it all comes crashing down, and ends up with you guys damn near dry humping each other on the couch for two hours.

That’s something that applies to him generally, too—he tends to let himself get very frustrated and worked up, whether he means to or not. He also thinks about sex quite frequently, and it only fuels his frustration; so when he snaps, he snaps hard.

He’d let you choke him back if you asked. Just ask nicely.

JEAN sfw

Loves studying in cafés and adores when you study with him; peeps up at you periodically when you sit across from him. He always pays for your drink, but sometimes you guys share, and he likes making a game out of reaching for the cup at the same time as you.

He’s very chivalrous, but he hates when you call him out for it, or make any kind of deal of it. He knows it’s chivalry, but he also knows it’s the bare minimum, plus he’s easily embarrassed—especially in public.

Loves having his hair played with, absolutely adores it. If you’re just holding his face, or resting your hand on his cheek, he’ll move himself further into your touch to maneuver your palm closer to his hair.

He really really really likes back hugs—giving and receiving them. If he’s standing behind you, he’ll most likely reach for a hug at some point (sometimes he won’t let go and you’ve gotta waddle with him on you). His ears get red when you give him a back hug but he always uses a hand to rest over your arms to tell you that he doesn’t want you to let go.

He can play the piano, but he doesn’t tell a soul about it. The only reason you found out it through his mom. He’s got stage fright, so he gave up on performing, but he’s really talented, and can almost play any song by ear.

nsfw

He loves the feeling of your hands on him, particularly if you’ve got long nails. Please scrape your nails against his back, or even just dig them into his biceps while he’s fucking you, it’ll drive him insane.

Along with liking having his hair played with, he adores having it pulled on—the attention and desperation in your actions goes straight to his ego and his dick.

One of his biggest fantasies is getting a lap dance from you. He’d never ever fucking say it out loud or dream of asking for it, but the idea of you stripping in front of him, down to lingerie he’d picked out for you, and teasing him until he can’t take it anymore and jumps you is something he thinks about… far more often than he should.

If you’re wearing his clothes (especially one of his t-shirts to bed, or around his apartment), he’s gonna fuck you in it. Jean has a lot of self control, but that’s one thing that’ll make him snap in an instant. And if you wear his shirt or hoodie out, he’s fucking you when you get home, it’s as simple as that.

CONNIE sfw

He studies with children’s shows playing the background. He doesn’t remember how he discovered that his method works for him, all he knows is that something about Paw Patrol makes for excellent background noise for writing his research papers.

He’s quite touchy with PDA, but if you guys are in a crowd then forget about it—because Connie might forget about you. He’s definitely left you at the grocery store before.

He eats cereal for breakfast every morning, and he’s kind of got a collection of them in his kitchen. He claims there are upscale cereals that he doesn’t just let anybody eat or even touch; so, if he offers you a midnight snack consisting of a bowl of his favorite (and very rare) cereal, then be honored.

He almost always pays with cash, but he hates change. If he gets back coins, he either tells the cashier to keep them, puts them in a tip jar if there’s one in sight, or just pours them into your coat pocket. He understands that its money, but he’ll be damned if he’s just got a sack full of nickels clanging around in his bag.

nsfw

He claims he doesn’t have a thing for exhibitionism, but with the way he’s down to fuck damn near anywhere, he might be a bold faced liar. Changing rooms, music festivals, airport bathrooms, the little corner of the multilevel parking lot that he’s oh-so-certain is in the blindspot of the security cameras... there are so few things off-limits with him.

Car sex on his bucket list… just not in his car lmfao (because trust and believe that’s something that already happens pretty regularly). Maybe his real kink is vandalism and destruction of property.

He is not above begging you to sit on his face. He will get on his knees and pant like a fucking dog for you to do it, he’s so serious. He’ll do it laying down, he’ll do it with you standing up/against a wall, he’ll do it on the couch. Break his neck please he’s fucking asking for it.

He doesn’t mind sharing and he definitely doesn’t mind watching. Honestly, he’d egg you on to kiss someone else at a party, or go as far as to seduce you into seducing someone else just so he can watch it go down.

PORCO sfw

He sends you iMessage games but only the ones he’s good at because he doesn’t like to lose. But also, if he is losing, he doesn’t want you to be supportive about it and tell him “it’s okay uwu” lmfao he wants to either cream you, or have you kick his ass; competition is the name of the game, don’t be soft on him.

He’s a morning person, and he likes going on runs or even just early-morning walks when the weather is nice. He will wake you up occasionally to join him—and if you’re a homebody, you will be joining him. He won’t be responsible for watching you decompose on the couch.

Very picky about his pizza. It’s not a calorie or grease or health thing—he just really fucking likes pizza, and he won’t excuse a bad slice.

Always pulls you closer to him in a crowd or when a group of people are walking by. He doesn’t have to, but he likes to. Tease him about it and he’ll push you right back tho, probably into a shrub if there’s one near by.

nsfw

He’s such a “No, no—answer the call” kind of mf; a sadist, if you will. He lives for torturing and embarrassing you, and that applies to sex, too.

Loves the way his hands look on you, particularly splaying his hand over your stomach when he’s fucking you. Likes the heat of your body against his, when he positions himself just right to feel the outline of his dick against you, and squeezing the sides of your tummy when he gets lost in it.

Loves blowjobs, and loves to cum on you or over your face. His favorite thing tho is pulling away just before he’s about to orgasm, and jacking himself off with your tongue sticking out, ready to swallow.

Okay with threesomes, too; but he wouldn’t like to do much to or with the third person. It’s okay if they touch you—maybe even fuck you, depending on who it is—but he’s not there to get them off.

LEVI

sfw

When he cooks dinner, he always makes sure to make enough for you to have leftovers to take with you for lunch the following day. Especially if it’s a dish you’ve been wanting or try, or specifically asked him to cook.

He’s got a specific tote bag he brings with him to the grocery store/farmer’s market, and separate one for when he’s running other light errands.

He hates soda, not even just because it’s not the healthiest thing to drink—he just doesn’t like the feel of carbonated drinks; the only exception being when they’re mixed with liquor, but even then, it’s not his preference.

After a while, he just starts lying and says you’re married at places where it benefits you both, or to curb a longer conversation about the status of your relationship to people who are inquiring. He thinks it’s fucking weird that marriage is what shuts people up, but if it works, it works; less people prying in your guys’ business.

He likes giving you forehead kisses, and if you do it back, he’ll learn that he doesn’t mind receiving them either.

He’s such a sucker for you rubbing your thumb against the back of his hand when you guys hold hands. He might not act like he notices, but he always does; and somewhat craves little touches like that the longer you guys are together.

nsfw

He would never admit it to anyone, but birthday sex is up there for his favorite kind of sex. He never cared much about his birthday… until he realized he could get that as a gift. He knows it’s not different, but he likes it, nonetheless; one the few times he doesn’t mind having all the attention on him.

King of aftercare, though some of his methods usually lead to another round—in which he teases you for cancelling out his work, when you know he was just as willing and eager.

He likes edging himself and overstimulating you; and with his self-control, that makes for a pretty dangerous combination.

He’s strong and he knows how to use it to his advantage: maneuvering you with a single arm, holding both your wrists above your head with one hand, pushing your head down into the sheets when he’s fucking you from behind.

Sex is one of the few times Levi doesn’t mind making a mess—and in fact, he likes it messy; watching you drip onto the sheets, making you spit on his dick and fucking your face until you drool. He always goes on about how sloppy you are, how you can’t keep anything clean, but he fucking loves it.

#anonymous #i love writing but i hate tagging things here we go #eren x reader #aot x reader #levi x reader #armin x reader #porco galliard x reader #jean x reader #jean kirstein x reader #connie springer x reader #eren smut #levi smut #eren yeager x reader #alright that's enough

[milfgyuu]

Untitled Timestamp Joshua Hong x GN!Reader | SVT Tags: 790 words, comfort. No warnings. 

[7:19pm]

There are certain tells you pick up from your partner after years and years of study, trial and error, etc. Sometimes it’s tone, body language, a certain look, or phrase, but you begin matching those things to a particular want or need after a while. You start knowing your partner so intimately that it’s easier to understand what the other requires without them asking for it.

After many years spent together, Joshua is better at reading you than you are.

It was probably the way you word-vomited over the phone on the way home from work. All the stress and anger pouring into the receiver while he patiently listened on the other side, humming and responding at all the appropriate times. You’d complained all the way up until you pulled into the garage just to walk inside and finish your conversation but... 

Instead of an empty living room, you run directly into Joshua’s chest. 

He wraps his arms around your shoulders and the second he does, you drop your bag and sweater at your feet and circle your own around his waist. Your nose buries itself in his chest as he kisses your hair. He smells like fresh laundry, faint body wash, and home.

“It sounds like you had a hard day,” his voice floats down to you still stealing his warmth, eyes shut tight against the rest of the world. 

Your confirming nod etches a frown onto his lips but he simply stands there and waits for you to recharge for a moment. He’d gladly lend you whatever energy you needed. After a few quiet minutes you pick your cheek up off of his chest and look at him. “The universe is just not on my side today.”

Joshua reaches a hand up and cups your face, gently stroking his thumb over your cheek. “I’m on your side,” he smiles softly, “Me and you against the universe.”

His cheesy little joke brings a half-smile to your lips and you pull yourself from his arms, finally feeling alive enough to put your bag away, change your clothes…all things you hadn’t had the energy for prior to Joshua’s embrace. He takes your bag and sweater, nodding his head in the direction of your bedroom, “Go change,” he instructs, “I’ll put these away and check on dinner.”

You perk up, “You made dinner?”

Joshua shrugs as he hangs your coat near the door, “Yeah, of course. I knew you weren’t feeling good, so I made your favorite.”

You stand there for a moment, gawking, “You didn’t have to do that. You just barely got home before I did. How did you even have time?”

He realizes you’re not moving and walks back over, taking you by the shoulders and steering you toward your room. “I left a little early. Don’t worry about it.”

In truth, he had asked his boss about leaving early just after he received your first distress text at approximately nine this morning but he wasn’t going to tell you that. You’d probably find a way to feel guilty about it. He knows you.

Joshua sits on the edge of the bed as you keep moving, now with enough momentum to pull pajamas from your drawers and change out of your work clothes. When you’re done, he moves you into the bathroom to wash your face and coax little knots from your hair.

Just having him near you is a comfort but the way his chest presses against your back, kissing your shoulder while you’re finishing your skincare further soothes the embers of irritation that have been burning inside you all day long. 

Following dinner, you’re sunken into the couch cushions glancing over your shoulder every few minutes to watch Joshua clean the kitchen. The second you tried to lift a dish he banished you to the couch and handed you the remote. “You sit and find something to watch. I’ll be finished in just a minute, then I’m all yours.”

Finally sitting for the first time all day, exhaustion settles heavily in your bones. Everything aches; your head is pounding, muscles tense and in need of release. Sometimes sitting still hurts worse than continuously moving. All that stress on your body hits like a mac truck and it’s nearly impossible to lift a single finger. 

After a while, Joshua flicks the lights off and makes himself comfortable on the couch. Knowing you have not a single ounce of energy left, he takes your hands and slowly guides you down until you’re laying on the couch, head in his lap.

His fingers are soft and gentle as they trail down the side of your face. “I’m sorry that today was difficult,” he murmurs above you, “Is there anything else I can do to help?”

Your arm curls around his thigh and you close your eyes, “Just being here is enough,” you sigh, “You’re all I need to feel better.”

A/N: Had a particularly rough day so I sat down and wrote this just as a quick feel good piece the other night. Joshua is the comfort boy I didn’t know I needed tbh. Hope this makes someone else a little happier too. xo

SVT M.List | Main M.List

→ Please do NOT copy, repost, or translate, any of my works here on tumblr or on any other platforms! All stories are copyrighted, Bubblebeom, 2020. ©️

#kwritersworldnet #caratwritersclub #kpopuniversenet #kdiarynet #svt fanfic #joshua hong fanfic #seventeen fanfic #svt joshua fanfic #seventeen joshua fanfic #joshua hong fluff #svt timestamps #svt fluff #svt comfort #lana writes #bubblebeom timestamps #gender neutral reader

[absolutelyfizzing]

Motherly

Harry x reader

Description - Y/N loves taking care of her friends but after a night of drinking it seems like they don't want her to. She worries that they might not want her around and panics. They ease her worries and harry has something to confess.

Word count - 4700 (my god that seems excessive)

Warnings - insecure reader, mentions of eating, female pronouns, some description of panic attack, underage drinking, maybe a little ooc for harry at the beginning. angst at the beginning but it turns into fluff. If you just want the heartbreak you could stop halfway through cause thats a mood and same.

A/N - I had to bring Luna into this because she is an angel and the love of my life. Harry is my favorite idiot and Ron is an angel. Anyway I'm done, just a notice that there is description of a mild panic attack, this is based on how they feel for me. The insecurities are also based on me. This is just to say that this in no way means that this writing is supposed to be universal and i in no way mean to offend.

MASTERLIST

You had been taking care of Harry for as long as you had known him. When you met him on the train you realized that you wanted to protect him and keep him safe. He had already been through enough. Unfortunately, that didn't exactly work out. Over the years you would try to help him but he inevitably found himself in deep trouble and in need of help. You were always happy to fill that role, not that you were always successful. You would do anything for him. especially once you realized that you had real and hard feelings for the young wizard. You saw him and the way he looked at other girls, you knew he didn't like you in that way. So instead of saying anything, you just didn't mention it and continued to give him your all.

You took care of all of your friends most of the time. You enjoyed being needed. That was why, while standing in the corner of the party, you were ready to step in to help any of your friends. There was almost always a party after every match and Harry normally got pretty wasted. You stayed sober most of the time so you could take care of your friends if you needed to. You had held Hermione's hair back multiple times. She partied rarely but when she did it was intense. You also liked to keep your eye on Harry who would get decidedly out of it and would often find himself passed out somewhere uncomfortable or unable to keep his dinner down. You felt his eyes on you and he made his way towards you. You could tell from looking at him that he was properly wasted. He wasn't blackout but a few more drinks and he would be. You smiled at him as brightly as you could.

"Why aren't you drinking?" He slurred. His face was contorted in confusion and you felt your smile falter for a second, not that he noticed.

"I just wanna be ready in case someone needs me. You know how 'Mione gets." You smiled and nodded over to where Hermione was passed out on the couch.

"It's not your responsibility though, you don't have to take care of everyone." He mumbled and you thought you heard anger in his voice. Like he was annoyed at you. You just looked at him with kind eyes and a questioning gaze. You tried to not look offended but you didn't know what he was implying. Before you could ask, Harry spoke again. "You act like you're the mom of the group, that you have to take care of everyone. You don't need to do that." He seemed exasperated.

"I don't mind. I like being able to help." You smiled at him, trying to explain your mindset to a very drunk harry.

"I never said you didn't like it but nobody else does. I didn't ask you to try and be my mum, okay?" He grumbled out and turned away like he hadn't just said something very upsetting to you. You felt your smile falter for a moment before you took a deep breath. It was fine. You needed to move on. You made your way to the couch Hermione was laying across and you leant down to her level. Your hand brushed the thick hair out of her face and you tried to gently wake her up.

" 'Mione? I'm gonna head up to bed, do you need anything?" You asked, sort of hoping that she would say yes. You found a lot of your purpose in others needing you and after the rejection you just faced from Harry you were hoping for someone to say they wanted you around.

Hermione's face scrunched up before her eyes opened. "No, I don't need anything. Please just leave me alone Y/N? I know you're like needy or whatever but I'm trying to have a fun night for once." She mumbled the last part under her breath but you heard it perfectly clear. You could feel your heart rate increase as you began to panic. Was this always the case? You were overly needy and you acted like it was for the benefit of others? You never wanted to make anyone feel smothered but you thought you were helping. You looked around the room desperately, trying to find someone who would confirm to you that you were important to them. That someone needed you. Your eyes met those of your best ginger friend who was sufficiently wasted. You began to walk over to him but he quickly tried to bolt out of your line of sight and you stopped in your tracks. You felt tears well up and you took a deep breath. You knew you were no longer wanted in your group of friends, at least not at a time when they were all trying to let loose. You understood and you tried not to be offended. You knew you were a lot to deal with sometimes and that your instinct to care could be smothering. You turned to the portrait hole and left the common room. You didn't know where you were planning on going but it was not going to be where you came from. If your friends needed space then you would give it to them. You just wanted them to be happiest.

You ended up wandering the halls for a long time. You didn't have a particular purpose besides just not being in the common room and you didn't want to go back until you thought most people would probably be asleep. About 2 hours after you had left, you headed back toward the portrait hole. After whispering the password you entered the now quiet room where you saw your friends and a few others passed out around the place. You sighed and pushed the bad feelings away before getting to taking care of them. Ron and Harry were near each other, propped up against the wall, cups of alcohol around them. You grabbed a couple pillows and blankets and brought them over to them. You set the pillows down and slowly maneuvered both boys so they were laying comfortably with warm blankets on top of them. You spent an extra second to brush Harry's black hair out of his face and you traced his scar lightly. You remembered his words from earlier and quickly moved away, fearing he would wake up and remind you that he didn't want you taking care of him.

You made your way to Hermione who you managed to wake a bit. She was not as grumpy as she had been earlier and you slung one of her arms over your shoulders, slowly getting both of you up the stairs and to the dorms. You placed her on her bed and removed her shoes. You then grabbed a makeup removing pad and got to work on cleaning her face. She was normally religious about her skincare routine and so you thought she might appreciate getting her face clean so she distant sleep in her makeup.

You sighed a bit as you tucked her into her bad, her eyes closed and she had drifted off to sleep a while ago. You decided that if they said anything about their distain for your mothering tendencies tomorrow, then you would stop. You hoped though that their words were only spoken because they were drunk, not because they only had the courage to tell you when they were drunk.

The next morning you heard Hermione grumble from the bed beside you, you knew her hangover would probably be rough so you got up quickly to grab her a glass of water, feeling the urge to make her morning easier. When you saw the look on her face, you wished you would have stayed in bed. You were walking toward her, water in hand but she was glaring right through you.

"You know I can do that myself, right? I'm not a baby." She huffed and you blinked at her. You didn't know why it seemed that all of a sudden your friends no longer wanted you to be around them.

"Sorry" You mumbled and you set the glass down on her nightstand, quickly going back to your bed and dressing, rushing out of the room to make your way to the dining hall. Your stomach was in knots as you reflected on the things your friends had treated you the night before. Tears pricked at your eyes. It was still very early in the morning so you were thankful to see that there were very few people at the large tables. You made your way to an empty spot and sat down, slightly wondering why you came at all. You supposed it was out of habit but you were not in any way hungry, stress filling the space that food usually would. You instead grabbed a goblet and filled it with water and drank slowly and quietly, contemplating how you would move throughout the day. There was suddenly a presence beside you and you looked to your left to see none other than Luna Lovegood. Her blue tie was knotted in a way that made it look like a butterfly and you couldn't help but feel a bit better at the sight. She smiled gently at you and you patted the space next to you as a gesture for her to sit down.

"You seem off today" She stated in a matter of fact sort of way, as if it was not up for debate. You pondered your next words carefully.

"Luna, do you think I act overly motherly?" You asked softly and she looked at you knowingly. she reached over to you and played with a bit of your hair before putting her hand back in her lap.

"I would say that you act motherly, there is a bit of a gray area in 'overly'." She stated simply. You sighed a bit at the realization that nobody wanted you to be this way. Luna wrapped one pinky around one of yours and pulled your hand into the space between you two. While holding pinkies she smiled at you. "I know sometimes people don't like being reliant on others, I know that some of your friends are reliant on you. Your love language is acts of service and care and that doesn't make you overbearing. I'm also guessing your friends wouldn't last very long without you taking care of them." She blinked at you before getting up and heading back to her friends at the Ravenclaw table. You smiled after the strange girl and you forgot about why you were upset for a moment. That moment unfortunately left fairly quickly when you saw red hair enter your line of sight. Ron and Harry made their way over to the table with sour looks on their face. They sat across from you but kept their eyes down. You thought for a moment about speaking but you were too worried. You simply chugged the rest of your water and smiled at the boys who met your eyes briefly. You stood and hurried to leave the hall, not wanting to upset anyone but feeling anxiety creep up you arms. You liked taking care of people, it was what you wished someone would do for you. It made you feel wanted and being wanted was essential to your self esteem. You placed a lot of your worth on what you could offer others and when you no longer felt you were wanted or needed, the rest of the wall began to crumble as well. You decided that if your friends didn't want you to be overbearing then you would try to stay out of their way. You just wanted them to be comfortable.

You made your way to the dorm, Hermione heading out as you walked in. You offered her a kind smile which she slightly reciprocated. She braced herself for questions about her state but none came. You were already through the portrait hole before she could really process that you hadn't said anything to her. That was very unlike you. She knew she had been grumpy that morning but she figured you would understand. She brushed off her bad feeling though and began moving quicker toward the dining hall. When she got to the long tables she spotted the boys she needed to speak to. They looked up at her with tired eyes, all of them feeling the effects of the night before.

"Did you notice anything weird about Y/N this morning?" She questioned lightly, trying to to speak too loud and upset any of their headaches.

"We thought you might know what was going on. She didn't even talk to us." Harry stated rather worriedly. All of them conversed about why you might be acting strange but couldn't come up with any big reasons unless something happened the night before. None of them exactly remembered any details so it was a bit hard to tell.

Back in the dorm room you tried to calm your breathing as you gathered your books. Your eyes stung with tears and you questioned whether your friends even liked you. You wished one of them wouldn't have pushed you away last night but now you felt that maybe they all disliked you and just kept you around out of pity. You made the decision that you would not take care of them. You didn't want them to be upset at you and maybe if you showed them you could be independent then they wouldn't feel the need to humor you.

You made your way to your first class, eyes slightly swollen and hands shaky. You knew you would have to sit next to Harry like you always did but you expected you wouldn't have any issues with avoiding annoying him. He wasn't one to ask questions and he was normally pretty oblivious.

Still, when you say down you felt his eyes on you. You looked over at him, smiling for a moment when your eyes met his before turning back to the front of the class. The rest of the period felt odd to both of you.

Normally, you would do little things for Harry during class. You would whisper help to him under your breath, fix his spelling when he needed it, find the right page in his book when he couldn't, and so on. When you didn't do that, he felt a bit lost. You weren't acting off in any way besides your lack of taking care of him. He wanted to ask what was wrong but by the time class ended and there was a moment to get a word in, you were already out the classroom door. You knew you had to get out of there before Harry noticed the way that tears were trying to fall from your eyes.

You felt your lungs contract in sadness as you rushed through the corridors, trying to get to your next class. It would be a bit of a challenge because it was with Hermione. She usually got help with flash cards and corrections from you, both of you being very smart in your studies. Instead, today you were quiet. She wondered if she should ask but she had never had to before and if you were upset then she didn't want to make it any worse. Instead she worked quietly and glanced at you occasionally. She noticed the bags under your eyes and how your face was a bit puffy. She grew concerned that you were upset about how she acted that morning. She decided she would talk to you as soon as class was over.

Unfortunately you left class before she could. You hurried out of class, Hermione calling a bit after you but you didn't hear her and she got too caught up in the crowd to reach you. Ron, the least likely to ask questions, stopped you in the masses in the hallway. People swirled around you two and he gave you a worried look. You noticed that he had dirt on his face, not an odd occurrence with the redhead, but you tried to prevent yourself from fixing it. Normally you would rub at it while he grumbled and you would laugh it off because you felt useful. Now, seeing the patch of dirt and not wanting to make him uncomfortable by fixing it, you just felt upset. Ron's hand on your arms tightened a bit when you made a move to leave.

"Y/N, whats wrong?" Ron seemed genuinely concerned. You felt so confused. One day they didn't want you near them and the now it seemed that they could tell something was off. You though they would be happy to have you off their back. Instead of answering Ron, your breath left your lungs. You could feel the space around you tighten and your hands went numb and your breathing picked up. Ron recognized this behavior of yours but he had never dealt with it on his own. He thought of what Hermione would do and pulled you into his chest to block you from the slowly decreasing traffic around you both. He felt your hands hold onto the front of his cloaks and your shoulders shook with what he guessed was crying. He spotted a bush of big hair and a mop of black in the crowd and he shot his hand up, hoping to catch their attention. They spotted him and made their way over.

By the time they arrived the crowds of the halls were pretty much dissipated and you had yet to slow your panicking. Your breath was rapid and your hands shook, you couldn't let go of Ron's cloak but he made no move to remove you. They all were silently grateful that this was a free period for all of you.

"What happened? Ron, what did you do?" Hermione accused and he glared at her.

"I just grabbed her in the hall to talk and she got all panicky, I was trying to do that thing you do with her but I don't think it worked." He mumbled. He felt guilty that he didn't know how to help you but he was glad to have the brains of the operation there now to fix whatever he did wrong.

"Sorry Ron, you're trying your best." Hermione mumbled her apology before speaking softly to you. "Y/N? Honey? Are you alright?" She tried to be gentle and she brought her hand up to rest on your shoulder. You flinched at the contact so she removed the hand. You felt Ron move and for some reason that startled you into the realization that you were holding onto him and he probably didn't want that. You let go of him quickly and stepped back from him a bit, a scared look on your face.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" You mumbled and your legs nearly gave out. Harry wrapped you in his arms and sunk to the ground so you were both sitting. He started to stroke your hair slowly and rub your back, knowing those are things that you had done for them when they were upset.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for, Y/N. It's okay" Harry whispered in your ear and you let out a choked sob.

"I do though- I do, I have to apologize. I'm sorry that I have to take care of you and I smother you. I promise I don't mean to and I know it's-"

"Whoa whoa whats going on? Who said anything about smothering?" Harry asked genuinely and you sniffled before realizing they didn't remember what they said.

"You did." They barely head the small whisper and they all looked at each other. None of them could remember what they said last night but they all felt guilty instantly. They were all the kind of people that would sometimes get snappy when they drank but they normally didn't all drink at the same time. This meant that there was someone with you to take the heat and that there was someone there to rationalize it with you. They remembered that they had all drank except you and they deduced that they must have snapped at you at the same time.

"We are so sorry, Y/N" Hermione started. "You know how we get, it was not about you. Oh god I'm so sorry." She put her face in her hands and she though about how you had reacted when she got snappy this morning, you must have already been sensitive to it and she had pushed you over the edge.

"I promise we didn't mean anything we said, we love that you keep us in check, Y/N." Ron chimed in and Harry hummed in agreement along side him. You shook your head a bit, not believing them. You were so sure that you bothered them and at this moment they were trying to help out of pity.

"It's okay, you guys don't have to deal with it if you don't want to. I'm sorry I've to act so motherly and I-" You continued rambling but Harry felt something click in his head. He remembered saying that you acted motherly and he felt his stomach turn. He grabbed your head and pulled it into him so he could kiss your hair.

"You are perfect, Y/N" he mumbled. "We are just idiots who say stupid stuff when we're drunk. Please don't blame yourself, you haven't done anything wrong." Your shaking was lessened and you lifted your head a bit.

"Ron didn't actually say anything, he just booked it when he saw me." You almost chuckled and you reminded yourself that that was what he did to everyone when he drank. They laughed along as well, just thrilled that you were no longer having a panic attack.

"Let's go to the great hall and get you some water, yeah?" Hermione asked and you nodded.

Harry helped get you up by getting up first and then lifting you by your waist to standing. He held you there for a moment to see if you were stable enough on your own and you were. You turned to Ron and licked a thumb before rubbing the dirt off of his face. He grumbled significantly less this time than he normally would and Hermione and Harry looked at each other in relief. You all made your way to the great hall where you got some water and snacks. Pretty soon you were feeling much better and you decided you were going to take the rest of the day off and walk to the black lake. Harry volunteered to go with you and he nodded at Hermione and Ron to let them know that it was okay to leave.

You both walked rather quietly to the lake, it was a rare occasion that both you and Harry were alone and that it was sunny outside. Your face warmed in the sun and your eyes closed as you walked, trying to be careful not to trip. Eventually you both made it next to the lake and you set your robe down for you and harry to sit on. Your heart sped up at the lack of space between you two but you didn't want to push him closer out of fear of him leaving. His words had affected you the most last night and you hadn't forgotten them. As if sensing your unease, he spoke up.

"I am truly sorry, you know." He mumbled guiltily and you looked over at him.

"I know, it's okay. All is forgi-"

"No, I'm really sorry, Y/N. I know I hurt you last night and I couldn't regret it more." He insisted and you felt tears come back. You weren't panicking or even sad, you were both happy that he recognized his words and still vaguely worried he meant them.

"Did you mean any of it?" You almost whispered and Harry's heart twinged.

"Of course not." He stated. You gave him a look that said to cut the bull shit. "I didn't. You do act motherly, but that doesn't mean we don't all like it." You couldn't decide if that made you feel better or not. "Can I tell you something that might embarrass me?" He asked hesitantly and you nodded. "You are the person who has taken care of me the most in my life." You gave him a questioning look.

"Look, since I got on that train 6 years ago you have been there for me, you've taken care of me and tried to help me, even when I was being a jerk. You never made fun of me for not always getting good marks, you're at every quidditch match, you always listen when I get upset at what I am getting put through. You act more like a caretaker for me than anyone ever has." He was speaking so softly that it barely sounded like him. You felt a tear roll down your face and before you had a chance to wipe it away, he did. His hand brushed under your eye and then went back into his lap. "I feel guilty that I cant give the same back to you and-"

"Harry, you don't have to-"

"Please let me finish." He pleaded and he put his hand on top of your in your lap. You nodded again. "I care about you more than anyone else and I cant help but feel that I would never be able to repay you for all you've done for me. For all the support you've given me." He took a deep breath. "I think that last night, in my messed up and drunk mind, I thought that pushing you to stop taking care of me would make it so that I wouldn't feel guilty for not being able to do the same for you. And I know that that didn't work at all and of course that is the worst way possible to go about that but I just want you to know that it was all on me and it had nothing to do with how you behave. I love all that you do for me, I just never know how to give it back." When he was done you tackled him in a hug. His arms wrapped around you as well and you smiled into the hug. When you pulled back there was a blush on his cheeks.

"You know, I was talking to Luna earlier and she mentioned that my love language is acts of service."

"Love that girl" Harry mumbled passively as he remembered all the times that she had given him strange and profound knowledge that he didn't know he needed.

"Agreed. Anyway, it just reminded me that it's the way I show that I care. I like to be needed and I like to help. I don't need anything in return, I appreciate all of the ways that you guys show you care about me." You smiled. "Hermione always reminds me about the homework and makes sure I go to bed on time, even if it means she has to stop studying too. Ron always reminds me to eat and how much his family loves me, sort of implying that he does too even if he wont say it. And you always give me hugs after quidditch matches and you give me your extra chocolate frogs. That's all I will ever need from you, you don't owe me anything for me just trying to show that I care." When you were finished, Harry was beaming at you.

"I love you." He suddenly blurted.

"I love you to-"

"No I mean like love you love you. Like I have romantic feeling for you." He pushed out and he felt his heart pound in his chest in fear. You smiled at him.

"I feel the same way about you. I love you too" You beamed and he sighed in relief before pulling you into him to kiss you. You spent rest of the day by the black lake, basking in the sun and each other.

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