#(and gods i just want to do physical harm to some of these families | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yandere-writer-momo · 4 months

Text

Yandere Headcanon: Worship

Yandere Forgotten God (tentacle monster) x GN Reader

TW: Tentacles, teratophillia, gore, dubcon, and yandere themes

He was an ancient chaos god, one that was once revered amongst humans a millennium ago. But over time he had been forgotten when his fishing village had become a city. Now he was nothing more than a tall tale. A god with no name. He no longer had a humanoid form but was now a blob of black tentacles. It was shameful how far he had fallen from grace from his own pride. He should have made sure he was never forgotten.

The god shouldn’t have been so cocky to believe that monk couldn’t seal him away but alas, this was the punishment he deserved for his insatiable greed.

So when you arrive to his shrine and accidentally break the millennium old ward, he’s shocked. Have his own prayers finally been answered? Has someone come to free him from this lonely existence?

“I’ve heard there was once a god of chaos here so I have come to pray to you… please hear my plea.” You then bowed down in respect to the shrine and cried a bit. “I do not wish to be married off to some senile, corrupt man. Please god, if you hear me, save me.” You cried before him. You wanted to be saved before married you off to some old nobleman. You shared your woes of how this man made your city nearly inhabitable with his high taxes and of his salacious behavior. How could he not be swayed? He felt obligated to help you.

And so the god did what he did best, he wreaked havoc. He used his supernatural abilities to cause a landslide onto that nobleman’s home, killing him instantly. Now you no longer had to worry about being a stupid old man’s property. You could continue on with your life worshipping him! Your god!

You visited his shrine daily and left him small offerings. Ones that he would have rejected in the past but was positively thrilled to have now. The god began to love you. How could he not be drawn to your genuine gratitude? He couldn’t remember the last time someone had been this thrilled with him… it must’ve been over a thousand years ago now? He didn’t know…

What he loved most about you was your smile. It warmed his heart and he adored it. You were his world and he wanted to be more humanoid for you…

When your visits became less frequent, he used that time away from you to try to shape his body once more. He wanted to be with you. To hold you. To touch you, but he couldn’t do that as a shapeless blob of tentacles… but he could if he was more humanoid.

And so here he was with a mostly humanoid body with functioning male reproductive organs… save for the tentacles that remained attached to his back. His face was picturesque but his extra limbs weren’t… it didn’t matter. He would do so much for you, more than any human man. You didn’t entirely have a choice.

The god diligently worked on his shrine to make it more inhabitable for you as well. He needed it to be perfect so the two of you could be here for all eternity together. Him and his savior! His beloved devotee!

When you returned to his shrine after a week of not seeing him with bruises on your face, he was livid. Who had harmed you? Why would they hurt you? Hurt his destined spouse? How dare they… how dare they.

You shared your woes and prayed for salvation once more, this time from your family. They believed you to now be bad luck due to the nobleman’s sudden death and began to verbally and physically abuse you. You looked so miserable… just like him. His poor, precious worshipper didn’t deserve such treatment. No. They deserved to be worshipped.

The god now had enough power to leave his shrine due to your generous offerings. Your worship gave him the power to become a great chaos god once more.

And the god once more inflicted his wrath upon your enemies. This time he tore them apart limb from limb, starting from their mouths to their hands and eventually to their feet. He wished to start out by ripping out the tongues that spat venomous words at you. To break every bone in their hands and feet for the pain they inflicted on you. For every sin committed against you, he would inflict it back tenfold.

This is the first time you were able to see his true form as well… you were so silent the entire time of his massacre of your family. Was he so gorgeous that you were speechless? How cute his darling was!

You began to sob when he held your face between his blood coated palms. The smell of iron was too much for you that you began to retch but he was oblivious that he was the reason of your disgust and fear. Those damn humans must be too much for you to be around… perhaps he should whisk his spouse away?

So he did just that. His arms and tentacles tightly wrapped around you as he whisked you off to your new home together. The revamped shrine. He hoped you’d love it since he worked so hard on making it habitable for the two of you!

You struggle in his grip but he doesn’t relent. You must be shy… how cute!

You try to push the tentacles from you, but they merely wrap around your form to gently massage you. He needed to calm you before you hurt yourself… it was okay!

“Be not afraid, my dear.” His voice made you jump in surprise but he chuckled. “I’m not going to hurt you… you’re my beloved after all. My savior.”

“You’re the god of this shrine…” you whispered softly, which made the god eagerly nod. “You’re Xeros.”

Yes! That was his name! The one he had forgotten over the years. You were so sweet to remember his name…

You don’t even have time to protest before his tentacles wrap around your body in an enticing manner. The extra appendages slip into the waist band of your pants and tease your tight hole. You whine at the sudden touch but more tentacles wrap around your arms and legs to keep you in place

“Your offerings were wonderful but I need a better offering since I eliminated your problem…” Xeros smiled down at you with his hauntingly beautiful face. “I demand you as my offering. You will be my eternal spouse.”

“But I’m just a human- ack!” You gagged on the tentacle that was suddenly shoved into your mouth. Your eyes welled up with tears as the god beamed at you.

“It doesn’t matter to me what species you are. I’m a god. I will always get what I want.” Your back arched when one of his slimy tentacles finally breeched the tight ring of muscles and wriggled inside of you. You moaned loudly at the overwhelming sensation of pleasure that overcame you.

“See? Why would you resist such pleasure?” Xeros leaned to whisper, his hot breath tickled the shell of your ear, “I’m far better than any mortal lover. Don’t you think so?”

Your mind is too cloudy to form a coherent reply, your eyes rolled back in you head as his black tendrils ravish you. The tentacle in your mouth soon replaced with his tongue.

This was the way you should always be. You deserved every orifice of your body to be stuffed to the brim with him. To cry and whine in pleasure that ascends human comprehension. To be his spouse and to lay his eggs.

You deserved to be worshipped as his deity

7K notes · View notes

ash-says · 1 month

Text

Tips for Dysfunctional Family Girlies Part 2:

1) Get your basics straight. Education. Boundaries. Financial independence. Further breaking it down and linking it if you get proper education at some point you are bound to get an awareness of this world, if you are able to adapt and improvise yourself and develop your emotional intelligence and get your boundaries straight you will save yourself a lot of unnecessary drama and problems. Education (formal and informal) both will help you in gaining opportunities and if you are financially independent, you are holding the power to make your own decisions.

2) Develop thick skin. Your mom is calling you names. Slut, whore and what not. Your dad doesn't trust you and abuses you physically. So, what now? Are you going to let them define what you are or internalize the anger and use it as a fuel to become successful? Choice is yours.

3) They say you don't owe an explanation to anyone. Sorry to burst your little bubble. Actually you do. We live in a society and have relationships that we need to maintain for survival. This hyper independent stuff is only good to read. We have responsibilities that we need to fulfill. If you don't owe an explanation to anyone then don't cry about a closure from someone too. If you can live by this go ahead and practice it.

4) Stop isolating yourself. That's it. That's the point.

5) First kill the fear inside you. Being a rebel outside the house is no good. Be disciplined. Know how to manipulate your family members in your favor and if you can't just find the weak points and threaten. I know it's difficult to implement but you learn through trial and error. Plus something is better than nothing.

6) Stop glorifying people who treat you with kindness and love. That's the bare minimum. Just because you didn't get it served in a silver spoon doesn't mean it is not served in a silver spoon. People can have ulterior motives and even if they don't fix it in your brain that's normal. No rose colored glasses allowed.

7) Don't be afraid of indulging in your sexuality. No I am not saying go and have sex with people. I mean it in a deeper sense. Connect with the repressed sexual side and try to find healthy outlets. Don't dim yourself to fit in others'expectations or to ease someone's insecurity. Be unapologetic about your wants and desires. Know yourself. It's a powerful energy source if you know how to use it positively.

8) Cry, cry and cry. Wail like a child. No need to keep it all in. No need to act like a macho woman BUT only in front of your god or your belief system. Max in front of your truly trusted people.

9) Question everything as easily as breathing. Doubt every thing. Every action. Every person. What proof do you have to not doubt ? Stop giving benefit of doubts. Stop looking for excuses on how they could be good and instead look for ways in which they can harm you. That's your lottery to be poised and composed. It's just what it is.

10) Obsession. We have it in loads. That's natural to us. So the trick here is to be obsessive. Hella obsessive but about things, topics, goals, subjects, inanimate things,etc. God forbid but never be obsessive about a person. Not even over your dead body. Why? For that I need to make another detailed post I think.

460 notes · View notes

actiniumwrites · 8 months

Text

𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇

synopsis: in which you find out the truth about lyney’s identity

characters: lyney x gn!reader

wc: 695

warnings: pure angst, established relationships, breakups, reader has a past with the fatui, mentions of physical harm and death, major spoilers for the 4.0 archon quest

notes: i am officially in writers block and want to die because of it. also, i know this idea is a little old since the quest came out a few weeks ago, but i still wanted to write something about his identity. also, yes, i would forgive lyney, but this blog has not seen pure angst in awhile so…🙂

“You were never going to tell me, were you?” Your voice is barely above a whisper as you finally break the silence. Your arms are crossed as you lean back against one of the brick walls of the Opera Epiclese. Lyney stands approximately three feet away from you.

He’s silent, unable to answer the burning question. It’s been on your mind all night ever since Furina had so proudly announced it to all of the court. Lyney was a part of the House of the Hearth. Part of the Fatui.

“I can’t lie to you,” he carefully picks his words, terrified of further upsetting you.

Cutting him off, you scoff and turn away from him further than you already had, “What? Like you haven’t been lying to me this entire time? Real funny.”

Lyney takes a single step closer to you.

You take one back.

“Please, I wasn’t lying to you. I just left out some parts of the truth, that’s all, I swear!”

“You are part of the Fatui, Lyney. The Fatui! How can I trust you when you’re part of an organization who hurts people, kills people, even,” you frown. Not a single part of you isn’t affected by the hurt you feel. He hears the way your voice is beginning to break too, like the truth of it all is finally beginning to set in.

His hands come together as he pleads, “I promise I’ve never hurt anyone, not ever! Not everyone and everything in the Fatui is evil.”

For the first time tonight, you turn toward him and look him in the eyes. Your arms become uncrossed as you feel anger fuel your every action, every thought, every feeling. Walking toward him step by step, you hold out a finger, digging it into his chest as you speak, “You don’t get to pick and choose when you’re a part of something dangerous, Lyney! I don’t care if you aren’t the one doing the killing or the hurting, you still help them. What about all those people I told you about? My friends and family who got hurt by the Fatui? Did that mean nothing to you?”

He watches as tears form in your eyes at the mention of them. Of course he remembered, how could he not? The day you confided in him about your past and all the misfortune that you were dealt by the Fatui was eternally engraved in his mind. The organization who had taken so much from you that you swore you would find a way to end it one day, even if it meant dying. You had laid everything out to him and the entire time he was on their side.

You take two more steps back from him, voice shaking as cave in on yourself, “No wonder you were so quiet that day. God, and here I was thinking you actually cared.”

“Please don’t say that,” he whispers, tempted to reach a hand out to you, but not willing to scare you off. For all he knows, this could be the last time he ever sees you, “I care about you so much it hurts me. I really was horrified by the things you told me, I promise you that. Understand that I’ve only ever been talking to you as just Lyney. Your Lyney.”

It takes everything in you not to run into his arms and forget all of this is even happening. Give into his pleading words and return to who you thought was the only person who had ever really loved you. You want to pinch your arm to wake yourself up from the cruel nightmare, but somewhere deep inside, part of you has already accepted the truth and the fact that there is no universe in which you could accept his true identity. And so you take one final look at him before you take your final step, allowing the tears to fall from your eyes as you bid him a permanent farewell.

Lyney would never forget the final words you spoke to him. Four words that managed to break both your hearts more than the truth had.

“You’re not my Lyney.”

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin angst #lyney #lyney angst #lyney x reader #lyney x you #lyney x y/n

774 notes · View notes

lovelyladyabsinthewrites · 6 months

Text

Homelander being obsessed with his sister HC III

Warnings: heavy siblingxsibling implications, Homelander being such a narcissist that he falls in "love" with his own sibling, dubcon, noncon, manipulation, stalking, basically all the horrible parts of HL come out to play, MC has blonde hair and blue eyes like HL, different plot than 'All I Ever Wanted, All I Ever Needed', kidnapping

I II IV V

With just HL to interact with, loneliness was inevitable, even if you wanted to resent him and keep your fury

when he'd unintentionally scared you, HL would keep away from his apartment for a while. and when he did stop in, he made sure to avoid you the best he could

it's you who surprises him one morning at the kitchen table with breakfast. You invite him to eat with you

his company was better than none

you decide to play nice, if only to better your situation

but it's a tentative companionship. both of you walk around the other like hesitant/wounded animals; unsure if the other means to harm

neither of you share anything in common, much of that thanks to the different environments you were raised in. in your differences though, you find one another's stories to be interesting (although at times you feel your heart shatter at how lil HL was treated)

thanks to the small conversations you've been having, his mood positively shifts

enough so that Ashley notices with great relief.

painfully slowly there's an odd bond forming

one night when you decide to order in pizza, you witness Homelander in leisure wear. you'd thought that suit was glued on to him. he seemed just as nervous, vulnerable even without his blue spandex

"What was it like, growing up with a family? with love?"

and damn did that hurt you to hear him asking that. you actually reach out and hold his hand, touching him for the first time and HL is incredibly tempted to lean in and claim your lips with his own. he doesn't want a repeat of scaring you though

even with a bond having been formed, he doesn't like when you ask to go outside of the apartment. he'll snap at you with a red gleam in his eyes. afraid that you'll run off the moment he grants you such a simple liberty

"You're treating me like a prisoner, John." that was another new habit, calling him John. Making him sound like a mortal and not a god "People will care that I'm gone."

"No one has said anything so I guess you're not as important as you think." he'll hiss while grabbing the front of your shirt.

instant regret

especially when you start to cry, broken down after how long you'd been cooped up in there; under his complete control. you're at your wit's end and don't know what to do anymore

"I can't be happy here, not when my basic freedom has been taken from me. No matter how sweetly you speak to me or all the gifts you throw at me. It will never be enough to make me forget that."

How is it possible that you make him so angry yet also make him want to hold you close to him

He CAN'T release you though. Couldn't even fathom letting you go. but you've had it

a physical fight breaks out and near destroys his apartment. you're body is screaming for freedom and if he wasn't going to give it to you, well, you were going to take it yourself.

also please tell me some HC you guys have of Homelander x sis!Reader 😊

#tw dark content #tw dark #homelander headcanons #homelander fanfiction #the boys homelander fanfic #the boys homelander #homelander x reader #the boys tv #the boys fanfic #the boys imagine #the boys series #the boys x reader #the boys amazon

274 notes · View notes

black-aurora-nora · 1 year

Text

That's What You Get (Yandere!Hawks x Pregnant!Reader)

SERIOUS WARNING: This is an extremely disturbing read with themes and topics that include: suicidal tendencies, cursing, verbal abuse, blood, self-harm, infantilism, forced pregnancy, purposeful miscarriage, descriptions of gore, physical abuse and mentions of rape.

Please read with caution as you have been warned of the heavy subjects present in this story.

You wondered to yourself what you did to deserve all of this.

What god had decided to push all their anger unto your poor, unfortunate soul with such mercilessness?

What events led you to meeting a red-winged devil pretending to be an angel?

A hot hand grabbed at your hand without warning, yanking it away from your mouth. A trail of bloodied saliva followed and you only then noticed the familiar taste of blood on your tongue.

"Can you fucking stop?" Dabi hissed, turquoise eyes glaring deep into your hazed ones. "Do you want Hawks to lose his shit again?"

Yes, is what you wanted to say. You wanted Hawks to watch as you bit into your fingers with little thought. You wanted him to see how numb you were from all his abuse. You wanted him to know that he did this.

He was the reason you were broken now.

You didn't answer his question or even bother to truly look at him, only bringing your other hand to your mouth and biting down.

Your nail cracked against your teeth and felt slight satisfaction when Dabi cursed again and had to grab both your hands to keep you from doing any further damage to yourself.

"God dammnit, Y/N!" He growled, grabbing the attention of nearby league members scattered about the hideout. "Can someone please take this stupid bitch? I am not babysitting that hero's fuck doll today!"

Entering the room with a long sigh, Mr. Compress switched places with the purple-skinned villain, a first aid kit in tow.

When Dabi exited from the room, a dry chuckle left you but disappeared just as quickly as it came.

That's how most feelings worked for you now. They'd come and go. You were never allowed to truly feel anything for longer than 10 seconds.

Compress eyed you disappointingly, "It's not funny, Y/N." He scolded as he began to wrap your fingers, "Hawks told you to take better care of yourself. The more you put yourself at risk, the harder this pregnancy will be in the long run.

You stilled at that, nausea rising to your throat at the painful memories of Hawks holding you down against the cold, tiled floor and his warm, smooth cum filling your bruised cunt to the brim despite your cries.

That was followed by many more nights painted the same way.

A month later, you found out you were pregnant after Hawks had tested your toilet water.

The bastard was happier than ever but that happiness went right out the window when he caught you attempting to throw yourself down a set of stairs later that day. You'd even looked him in the eyes as you'd started to fall.

It was too bad that he'd caught you. That fall definitely would've done the trick.

After numerous other attempts, the hero finally decided that while he was gone, someone had to be with you at all times for both you and the baby's parasite's protection.

"Done-" Compress finished wrapping the bandages around you fingers, "-Have you eaten lunch yet?"

No, you hadn't. You hadn't moved from your curled position on the couch since Hawks left way earlier that morning.

To please Compress, you ate a few bites of what he made you and sipped some of the soup Hawks had packed for you.

Soon, you were back in your corner of the couch, filling in the permanent dent that you’d made from sitting there for so long.

You shivered as you hugged yourself.

Despite wearing a sweater and leggings with thick socks, you always felt so cold. Even if you were sweating, you were still cold.

You wondered why that was.

And now that you were left alone with your thoughts, you began to wonder other things.

Was your family regretting giving you to Hawks?

How long had it been since you'd seen them?

Did they even care?

What would they think if you escaped now and showed up pregnant?

Would they even believe you if you told them what Hawks did?

They’d probably think you were a slut.

A good for nothing whore that would do anything to get money.

Your head felt like it was about to explode.

Everything felt so meaningless now.

Why did this happen to you? Why couldn't you get control of your life again?

You placed a hand on your stomach, feeling the small hump that would soon be bigger and heavier in just a few months.

And then you'd have to push it out while it tore your pussy apart. Then you'd have to heal for who knows how long, taking care of a screaming, shitting lump while Hawks goes out and lives however he pleases.

As he always has.

...

Were you really supposed to just sit here and accept that?

That's what Hawks wanted you to do.

But how the hell could you?

"Baby, I'm back!" Hawks beamed as he walked up to you, stealing a kiss to your cheek. His smiled faded slightly, however, when he saw your bandaged fingers, "Aw, (Y/N), were you biting your fingers again?"

You didn't answer. You never really did anymore, much to his annoyance.

He sighed deeply and turned to Compress, asking him about how you'd done throughout the day. His expression only soured further at the villain's words and he glanced down at you with unimpressed eyes.

"Alright, thank you guys again for watching her-" He picked you up bridal style, "We'll be back next week as discussed."

The flight home was eerily quiet. You could tell that Hawks was upset with you. But he couldn't be nearly as upset as you were. But you knew he never thought about how you felt.

Everything was always about him.

When you both got home to his condominium, he sat you on the couch, unwrapping and examining your damaged fingers.

His lips were downturned and his brows were furrowed. His golden eyes weren't as bright as they'd been previously.

He wasn't happy with you at all.

Good.

His face made you giddy for some reason and you couldn't stop the corners of your lips from twitching upwards. It was so great that you could almost laugh with genuine joy.

Hawks' snapped his eyes up to you with wide, unbelieving eyes.

Shit, you must've laughed without realizing it.

No, wait.

You were crying.

"Oh, (Y/N), it's alright.” He cooed, “I know you'll do better for me and the baby next time, right?" That was a threat and you felt your mood plunge at the mention of the baby parasite resting in you. "Right?"

"Yeah..." You mumbled robotically. You could give less shits about the baby.

Hawks wasn't happy with how you'd responded but shrugged it off with a mumble of 'pregnancy hormones' and started to make dinner.

Ever since he’d found out you were pregnant, he made you take it easy. No unnecessary movement, as he liked to phrase it.

“So…” Keigo started, washing some rice in a bowl, “you’ve got your first appointment coming up next week. How’d’ya feel?”

You touched your growing stomach underneath your loose t-shirt. Was it really time for that?

No, no this couldn’t be.

If Hawks made you wait too long, you won’t be able to get rid of it and then you’ll really be stuck.

Nausea came back full force and you retched aloud, stomach curling. You turned away from the table and threw up the little bit of lunch you’d had earlier.

Keigo was by your side in a flash, rubbing your back when you continued to retch and gag.

“The morning sickness is becoming more frequent now, huh?” He asked, “Here, rinse your mouth with some water.” His feathers brought over a small cup of water and a bowl for you to spit into.

After rinsing your mouth out, you glanced up at Keigo, something you hadn’t done in a long time and saw how he visibly brightened when you did so.

“Please, Kei… I don’t-I don’t want this.” You told him honestly, your voice heavy with misery.

He instantly frowned at that, lips turning downwards and eyes going sharp, “What did I tell you about talking like that, (Y/N)? What the hell is wrong with you?!” He snapped, feathers shaking.

You stared at him as if he weren’t there and shrugged, “I guess you won’t know until the baby’s dead.”

“You don’t mean that.” He seemed to be telling himself that because deep down… deep down he knew that you meant it. “(Y/N), you don’t mean that.”

You felt the corners of your mouth lift again, “I’m not going to my first appointment because there will be no baby. Hell, there weren’t even be a (Y/N) to take to the appointment.” Now you were really smiling, no more tears to give.

Hawks feathers shook more, a hopeless look graced his features as he brought a hand to his mouth, “(Y/N), I-“ He looked away from your wide smile and void eyes, he couldn’t stand to look at you anymore, “What is happening to you? A baby is supposed to make you happy! Why isn’t this working?”

He walked away without another word, leaving you alone in the kitchen.

A burning smell caught your attention and you stepped over your vomit puddle to turn off the chicken he was cooking on the stove.

You took the pan off the still hot burner and placed it on the back one.

If only a burn could kill you.

A glint in your peripheral vision caught your eye and you snapped your head towards the sink. Your eyes widened.

There, like the forbidden fruit, sat a large kitchen knife. You realized Keigo must’ve left it when he was arguing with you.

Now was your chance.

You gripped the knife in both your hands.

You hadn’t seen a knife in so long. Keigo had locked them up when you started ‘acting up’.

You lifted it above your head.

Deep breath in.

Hold it.

You swiftly brought the knife down into your stomach. It slid right in like butter and you surprisingly didn’t feel anything.

With a shaky breath, you looked down and stumbled awkwardly as you struggled to pull the knife back out.

Blood started to soak your t-shirt and stain it dark red. A metallic smell clung to the air and you raised the knife above your head again.

This was easier than you’d thought.

You brought the knife down at an angle and groaned, the pressure of your stab felt like a punch.

One more stab should do the trick.

“(Y/N), I got off the phone with your pediatrician,” Keigo started from the bedroom you both shared, “Turns out, you’re just going through a pregnancy depr- (Y/N)!” He screamed seeing the blood on the ground.

Feathers shot towards you and you smiled wildly as you were pinned to the ground.

Keigo turned you on your side and you let go of the knife, letting it stay in your stomach.

There was no need to do anything else. You’d gotten rid of it for good.

He sobbed loudly in your face, his eyes screaming with despair. He didn’t even recognize you anymore, just like how you hadn’t recognized him for a long time now.

His screams of why were only met with one answer.

“Because, that’s what you get.”

1K notes · View notes

thenightfolknetwork · 2 months

Note

I never wanted to be part of the creature community. It isn't that I have anything against anyone--I was just born sapio and didn't ever feel any desire to be Turned. I was happy with my life and myself and I was more busy with my O-Levels and looking to go to uni than anything else. But that's all changed a couple of years ago when...well, I know the technical term, but "Sudden-Onset Apotheosis Syndrome" is just a fancy way of saying "Turned into a god with no discernible reason", yeah? It always makes me feel like a tool and so I try to hide it as best I can--no one wants to hear you complain about how hard it is being given divine powers and all that entails.

But I do have a problem, and I thought I might not be the only one with it, MUST not be, except I can't find anyone talking about it and so here I am? I can't talk to anyone anymore, can barely do even shopping for groceries, I feel paralyzed because all of a sudden now I have to think about a whole lot more than a "five year plan". All around me my old friends and my family, they're all...

...They're all dying. Not of anything particular--yet--but I can't so much as think of them without knowing how they're all going to die one day and I'm...not. I'm going to keep being like this for as close to "forever" that matters. It doesn't matter what I do or what they do, in just a handful of decades everyone I've ever known and loved will just be dust and I'll still look like I'm seventeen. And it isn't just people, it's everything. I thought I was used to the idea of living in a world perpetually sprinting headfirst towards climate disaster or nuclear oblivion, but NOW it's like--what, am I going to just be wandering around the blasted radiated wastelands waiting for the cockroaches to evolve wi-fi? I can't so much as plan for a lunch date tomorrow without working myself into a freezing panic about something that's not going to happen for ten thousand years--what the fuck is wrong with me?

How do any of you manage this sort of lifetime expectancy? How do you not try and Turn everyone on the street out of pure terror that they'll die and you won't? If this is how bad I feel after a few months, how much worse will it be in a year? In ten? In a million?

I'm so glad you've reached out, reader. This sounds to have been an extremely frightening, isolating experience for you, and I'm grateful you feel safe bringing that experience to my door.

The first point I want to talk to is your assertion that you are going to “keep being like this” forever. I recognise that some divine individuals do experience true eternal life, unchanged and unchanging. But they are few and far between, and it doesn't sound from your letter that the condition applies to you. Truly eternal beings do not suffer from panic attacks, for one thing.

You may not change physically, and emotional or intellectual change may be a little more difficult for you than they were before your apotheosis. But over time, I assure you, you will change. You will have new experiences and be shaped by them. And that means you can heal from this.

You ask “what the fuck is wrong” with you. Nothing is wrong with you. You are responding to a desperately frightening situation that has undermined every expectation and hope you had for how your life would play out. Give yourself a little grace, my dear.

This powerful fear response is not a personal failing or a sign of weakness. Your brain and body are trying to keep you safe, urging you to certain actions in a bid to protect you from harm.

The next time that “pure terror” hits you, try to breathe through it. Notice how it's making you want to behave, and acknowledge these impulses as a desire to protect yourself and the people around you. And then, let the suggestions go.

The action – or freezing, panicked inaction – suggested by your fear is not helpful. You can't turn the world, and you can't sit in frozen panic, waiting for the world to end. Take a breath, and ask yourself instead what you can do.

When you feel afraid of losing your friends, focus instead on expressing gratitude for the time you get to share with them. If you're afraid of the effects of climate catastrophe or political conflict, try getting involved in helpful action around these concerns. Let your love for this world and the people in it carry you forwards, not hold you back.

There are many models of god-hood. The detached, eternal observer is only one model of divinity, and not one you have to accept for yourself. Embrace instead your own immanence. You are here in the world. You can connect. You can change. You can make a difference.

We cannot possibly know what the future will hold, for ourselves or anyone else. Perhaps the world will end in fire and fury. Perhaps there will be exciting cockroach internet in our future. And perhaps life will carry on much as it always had, but in shinier outfits and with more spaceships. Who knows. What I do know is that nothing can be gained from worrying about that now.

You do not have to have a ten thousand year plan, dear reader. You do not need to have a ten year plan. It might be helpful to have a plan for the coming week, if only so you can make sure you take enough time to do the weekly shop and catch up with some friends.

Beyond that, remember: you are here with us, experiencing linear time just like everyone else. So please, try to take it as anyone else must – one day at a time.

#answered #the nightfolk network #monstrous agonies #a little later than planned because i borked my schedule but here we are!#had a lot of fun with this one #and also got the phrase “immanatise the tumblr anon” stuck in my head

98 notes · View notes

javarium · 1 year

Text

Never, Ever | Joel Miller.

a/n: — I’m not the happiest with how this turned out, tbh. But in honor of the start of the show, this’ll be the first thing I post on my blog haha :D Also, fuck TLOU2. It never happened. And if they go that route with the show, I’m gonna be pissed. Like, you can do anything with Joel, but you can’t fucking do that to him. I’ll riot. Who’s with me??

****

Joel Miller was aware that his past actions would always have consequences — would always have a way of coming back around and biting him in the ass at some point in his life.

But God, it should’ve been him.

“She’s looking better, Joel,” Tommy says, sitting down next to the older man. “Not much, but better.”

Tommy waits for a reply for several moments, but gets none, to which he takes as a cue to leave. He knows right now, Joel needs silence, no company. If he wanted company, it’d either be with Ellie or with you. But he’s choosing neither, and it means he doesn’t need to be anywhere near Joel’s impending breakdown.

Joel feels a single pat on his shoulder, followed by a small squeeze. He doesn’t look at Tommy as he leaves. He can’t. He can’t look anywhere except the floor, because if he looks at anything else, he’ll be faced with reality. The same reality in which he almost lost you. The same reality in which Joel watched you get beaten to near-death with a golf club. The same reality in which you nearly fucking died.

And all because of him.

In that same reality, however, he knows that that woman can no longer harm you. Or her friends.

He and Ellie made sure of that.

He took thorough satisfaction as he bludgeoned Abby to death, slower and even more painfully than she had with you. He hated the fact he reveled in it so much, but he did. And he would do it again, because as much as Joel regretted killing Abby’s father, he didn’t care about killing Abby. He couldn’t, no matter if he tried to make himself care. Because she nearly took you from him, and he wasn’t ever going to forgive that.

Never.

He eventually builds up enough courage to stand and enter your room. The second he passes through the threshold, Joel’s nearly collapsed and on the floor, heartbroken and overwhelmed with sadness. You looked terrible. Beyond terrible, truly.

Joel barely makes it to the chair at your bedside and unceremoniously falls into it. He almost tumbles out of the room and leaves, unable to stomach the sight of your face and appearance. The feelings that fills him makes him want to just go, but he wants, needs, really, to be in this room with you. He knows you’re alive, sure, but nothing compared to watching the sight of your chest rising and falling.

Nothing compared to feeling your hand in his.

You were warm. Not as warm as him, but you were warm. Warmer than you were when Ellie—

He physically shakes his head to rid himself of those thoughts. He squeezes your hand gently, resting his head on the back of it.

Joel Miller had many regrets, including the choices he made that led up to this moment of you being in this bed. But the choices he made that were going to protect you (and the rest of his family) and keep you with him were ones he were never going to regret.

Ever.

#joel miller fic #joel miller angst #joel x reader #reader insert #female reader #joel miller x reader

482 notes · View notes

farfromstrange · 3 months

Text

Do No Harm

CHAPTER SEVEN: Downward Spiral

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Reader

Summary: After agreeing to go on a date with Matt, you start realizing the weight of your decision, and your thoughts begin spiraling. In a moment of need, you turn to the only close friend you have in Hell's Kitchen, hoping she can pull you away from the edge of the very steep cliff your trauma is trying to throw you into.

Warnings for this chapter: ANGST (the caps feel appropriate here), mentions of domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, allusions to a suicide attempt, allusions to sexual assault, mentions of being taken advantage of by a superior, (I guess you could say) mentions of hypersexuality, self-loathing, PTSD, some foreshadowing, mental breakdown, alcohol, Season 1 related plot (spoilers)

Word Count: 6.4k

A/n: Surprise! I'm posting early because I'm going to see my family this weekend, and after I had an epiphany at two in the morning and spent 3 days writing this, I got it done, and I'm actually quite proud of this (or maybe it's the caffeine). Anyway, heed the warnings because the topics of conversation in this are pretty dark. That's why I highlighted the angst. And if you haven't watched past episode 1 of Season 1, this might spoil some things for you. (Also, I have no idea how this turned into a beast with a word count over 6k. Sorry in advance.)

Read Chapter 7: Downward Spiral here on AO3

You don’t know what came over you.

You typed in Matt’s number in a moment of weakness, and once you heard his voice through the line, you gave up on being careful. You gave up on denying yourself what you’re so desperately craving, and you abandoned all rational thought.

For him.

You promised not to get attached to someone ever again—let alone a man. You started a new life in Hell’s Kitchen to find your way back to normalcy. You took all the necessary precautions, and even though you look back at the shreds of your old life every day, you are never going back.

Two years. That is the longest you have managed to stay in one place ever since you left California. But you still haven’t found your way back into the real world.

You have been guarding yourself, afraid of having your heart broken, afraid of losing this chance at a new life, and afraid of the man who ruined you.

Every time you close your eyes, you see his face. You hear his voice in the back of your mind. He’s everywhere, even when you don’t want him to be.

It’s easier to put a wall between yourself and everyone else. A wall no one can break through, not even yourself. You trapped your soul for the sole purpose of keeping yourself alive after you made the hardest decision of your life. When you ran, you believed your life was over, but you have always been too much of a coward to end your misery. God knows you’ve tried, but even a trained doctor can’t fully understand death, and some things just don’t work out the way we want them to.

Drunken one-night stands can’t possibly compare to a meaningful emotional connection, but they satisfy the need for physical intimacy. At least for a little while. It killed you; slowly, almost pathetically, but sleeping with strangers in dirty motel rooms did a better job than you ever could.

For the longest time, you used sex as a coping mechanism. You let strange men use you because that is the only way you know how to be with someone else. You let them hurt you to feel something, anything because pain is better than feeling nothing at all. But when you finally got settled in Hell’s Kitchen, thanks to Claire, you stopped.

You locked up your heart and threw away the key. You started to shield your body the same way you have shielded your soul. You retreated into a shell of restlessness and constant fear of every little sliver of hope you feel being taken away from you.

You have nowhere else to run, which is why keeping a low profile is so important to you, but after two years, don’t you deserve to finally live?

We don’t exist to just survive; we exist to live the life we were given. You are Olivia Clarke now, not the broken girl you left behind, but every time you think about it, his voice returns and backs you into a corner that you can’t escape from.

Every time you see the scars on your body, all you want to do is rip the skin off your bones and feed it to the dogs.

The men you slept with while you were running from your past saw you as a mere object, and you are used to being seen that way, but it was isolating nonetheless. They didn’t care about your scars, they only cared about what you could give them. They treated you like he did without lifting a finger.

Even though you don’t do that anymore, it still weighs heavy on your wounded soul.

Matt treats you like a person. He can’t physically see, but he still sees you. He sees you in a way no one has ever seen you before. And he is gentle, and patient, and—

You scream into your pillow. Your nose still hurts, but it is nothing compared to how fast your heart is beating.

To you, Matt is perfect. You know that no one can be perfect, and you should be careful, but he makes you feel things you have long denied yourself. He makes you feel wanted. Desired. Like you can be yourself around him and still be worthy of his attention. Like you matter. And he has a certain way of being around you that makes you feel protected, almost.

You don’t need protection. You have made it this far without a bodyguard by your side. You know how to fight your own battles better than most, but you can’t deny that you wouldn’t mind being saved by him.

You wouldn’t mind those hands he always wraps around his cane to wrap around you instead. He can’t see your scars, but he can feel them, and as terrifying as that thought sounds, it also excites you.

You’re treading dangerous territory, but God, he won’t leave you alone, not even when you’re trying to sleep. He could offer you a sense of normal that you have long missed. He could teach you how to be a person again. And maybe, just maybe, you could let yourself be cared for by him.

You roll back onto your back when you need to breathe, one of your hairs getting stuck to your lip. You let out an annoyed huff. There won’t be much sleeping tonight, you’re sure. Not when you keep thinking about tomorrow.

“You’re not fifteen anymore,” you mutter to yourself. “What is wrong with you? God!”

It’s almost too surreal to believe that this magnetic force of a man managed to retrieve some of your long-lost hope, and he only had to call you beautiful once for you to be completely smitten.

When he allowed you to take care of his injuries on the first day you met, you didn’t think a person could be this guarded yet so vulnerable at the same time. He’s breaking under an invisible weight that must have been on his shoulders for years, maybe even decades. You’re painfully aware of other people’s feelings, and it wasn’t hard to tell that Matt carries a lot of unresolved pain with him. Always. He reminds you so much of yourself, it’s like staring into a mirror. Two broken halves of a whole.

Your thoughts won’t stand still, no matter how hard you try. You’re stuck inside an invisible hourglass. Not even heaven knows what will happen once time runs out. You don’t understand why you’re overthinking this while, at the same time, knowing exactly why. And you hate it.

There is a part of you that you can never get back. A little girl who grew up too fast. A girl who didn’t know any better. A broken teenager who wanted nothing more than to escape and live a better life than her parents could ever give her, and when she did manage to escape one hell, she found herself in a new quarter of purgatory built just for you.

You used to think that maybe you just bring the worst out in people, but after seeing the worst of humanity outside of your broken relationships, too, you’re not so sure about that anymore.

The fact that you don’t understand why you can’t stop your usually so intelligent brain from spinning out of control makes you want to claw at the walls of your apartment that threaten to cave in on you.

Part of you wants nothing more than to run and never look back, but you can’t run forever. This time, you wouldn’t be running from the Devil; you would be running from a fear of your own feelings. Human feelings. Feelings that have a high likelihood of recurring, and then you will have to run again.

You can’t run from reality forever. It’s a different reality now, but it’s a better reality. That is a rational thought, but being rational currently has no place in your mind, so you’re spiraling, and all because a nice guy asked you out for coffee.

You find yourself in a cab a few minutes later, wearing a pair of sweatpants, and an oversized shirt, with an untouched bottle of wine in your bag. Your worn-down sneakers are not the appropriate footwear for today’s weather, but you couldn’t be bothered to pick another pair.

You’re aware that it’s late and maybe you should have texted, but you’re already here, and Claire told you that you could always come to her, even if it happens to be the middle of the night. If the rule still stands after she suddenly decided to stay at your co-worker’s place without a proper explanation, you’re not quite sure though.

You knock. At first, no response. You knock again. The floorboards creak on the other side of the door.

“Claire, it’s Liv,” you call out.

You can hear the exact moment the person inside the apartment starts to panic. The floorboards creak again, more frequent this time, and it sounds almost as if Claire is turning the room upside down. You raise your eyebrows.

Before you can knock again, the lock finally clicks, and she opens the door. She’s more of a mess than you are, and that is put lightly.

“It’s the middle of the night,” Claire greets you. “What are you doing here?”

You blink a few times. “Hello to you too?”

She sighs. “I didn’t mean—I’m sorry, it’s just been a long night.”

“I can see that,” you answer. “Are you alright?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” She looks you up and down. “What happened to your nose?”

“It’s a long story.”

“No shit.”

“Yeah. Can I, uh, come in?”

She hesitates before stepping aside to let you in. “Sure.”

You take a quick look around the apartment. Nothing seems out of place. A bowl of cat food stands in the corner by the kitchen. The window in the living room is open, but it seems intentional.

The scent of antiseptic lingers in the air. You’re not sure if your nose is betraying you as you breathe in, but the smell is familiar. Bandages, disinfectant, and salve. You don’t want to question it, but you can’t help it.

“Did you hurt yourself?” you ask.

Claire blows her nose behind you. If you didn’t know better, you would think she was actually sick. She shakes her head upon hearing your question, but there is a faint blush on her cheeks.

“What makes you think that?” she retorts.

“Oh, no particular reason. It just smells very… hospital-y. That’s why I asked.”

“I, uh, I had to put a bandage on my leg earlier ‘cause this stupid cat decided to scratch me after peeing everywhere.” She sniffs. “Had to clean the wound, that thing—“ she nods toward the cat sitting in the cat tree, “and then the apartment. Maybe that’s why.”

You follow her gaze toward the little furball resting on his cat tree. You approach him, but Claire seems less pleased at the prospect.

“Be careful. He’s pissed.”

“At you,” you correct her. “Also, you’re having an allergic reaction, and—if he really, honest-to-God scratched you—very probably an infection. Why are you even staying here?”

Your voice rises in pitch when you reach the sleeping cat. “Hello, you.” You stroke his fur. He only opens one eye to sniff you, but once he recognizes you, he starts purring. For a moment, you forget the reason why you even came here.

Claire exhales loudly. She scratches her neck, her skin threatening to break out into hives. “It’s a long story,” she says.

You glare at her over your shoulder, your hand still stroking up and down the cat’s back as he settles back into a deep sleep. “I’m worried about you."

“That’s sweet of you, but I’m fine.”

“You called out of work and told Shelly you were sick.” You straighten up and turn back to face her. “You’re not sick, Claire.”

She sniffs as if to prove her point.

“Your immune system is overreacting by producing Immunoglobulin E. The antibodies are traveling to the cells responsible for releasing chemicals into your body, causing you to get a stuffy nose and break out into hives. You’re not sick. You’re allergic to cats and sharing an apartment with one. There’s a big difference,” you state. “Look, I know it’s none of my business, but you have to admit that, from where I’m standing, your behavior looks a little suspicious.”

“I’m going through some shit, alright?” she says. “And it’s a lot easier to deal with them here than back at my place. That’s why I called in sick.”

You don’t know what to make of her answer. It’s vague. You don’t like vague answers because they often indicate a bigger problem. It is one thing for you to deal with your demons on your own and refuse to talk about it with your best friend; it’s another thing entirely to keep a dangerous truth from the person you’re closest with, one that could potentially lead to worse consequences. If Claire were a naturally secretive person, maybe you would understand, but she isn’t like that. She isn’t you.

She’s the only person who knows your entire story. She saved your life. You can’t imagine her keeping secrets from you that might end up hurting her.

You dare to ask, “Are you in danger?”

She shakes her head a little too fast. “I’m fine, Liv. Really.”

“I’m sorry, but I have a hard time believing that.”

“It’s…personal.”

“Personal? Oh, my. Are you sleeping with Luke again?”

Claire stammers. The look on her face suggests that she didn’t expect you to jump to that conclusion. “What? How did you even–”

“Are you?” you repeat your question.

The last time she slept with Luke Cage, she lied to you about it. She knew you would worry. It’s only natural for you to come to that conclusion now. Except that Luke is in prison, serving his sentence, and it doesn’t make sense.

“How would I sleep with an incarcerated man?” Claire deadpans.

“I’m sure you have your ways,” you say.

“You’re grasping at straws.”

“That’s… true, but it’s coming from a place of love.”

She responds with a sigh. “I don’t wanna fight.”

You join in. You exhale, slowly lowering yourself down on the couch. “I’m sorry,” you murmur. “Just tell me you’re okay, please.”

She offers you a gentle smile. “I’m okay,” she says.

“Thank you.”

You choose to believe her. For the time being, at least.

The silence tugs at your brain cells. You obsessed over Claire’s situation because you didn’t want to face your own, but now that your thoughts have regained the freedom to roam and cause irreversible destruction, you start spiraling again.

You reach into your bag.

“You brought wine,” Claire points out.

“Yep,” you say. The bottle weighs heavily in your hand.

“You need a glass?”

You unscrew the top. “No.”

She doesn’t listen. Claire makes her way into the kitchen, reaching for the wine glasses in the cupboard. “Does this have anything to do with why your nose is all blue and swollen?”

You shake your head at her question. “That was a patient I tried to sedate. No, I, uh… I have a date,” your voice falls flat.

The wine glasses move back into the cupboard. Claire turns around, her eyebrows moving up to her hairline. “Come again?”

“I have a date.”

Saying it out loud makes it real. Something so surreal cannot be real, but it is. You have a date with Matt Murdock. Your heart begins racing again, and you feel the same desperate urge to scream into the nearest pillow again.

You take a sip of wine straight from the bottle. You have a date with a nice man who, for the first time in two years, made you see some resemblance of light at the end of this endless tunnel of despair, and the thought alone is terrifying. Because how are you supposed to live after just existing for the longest time? After you dedicated your life to the act of survival?

Claire steps out of the kitchen and in front of you. “Liv, that’s… that’s amazing!” she says. She sounds like a proud mother. Maybe she is.

You want to shake your head, but you can’t find it in yourself to do anything other than put the bottle back against your lips and take another sip. The alcohol burns down your esophagus into your stomach, spreading a warm feeling through your fragile body, and into your broken soul.

“Or not,” she corrects herself upon seeing the expression you’re carrying. Your eyes are empty. “I’m confused,” She pauses, “Are we not happy about the fact that you’ve finally got a date after two years of being miserable?”

If she puts it like that, you feel even more miserable. Another sip of wine finds its way down your throat.

“Okay, maybe you should put the bottle down. I’m sorry if I said something wrong–”

“It’s not you, it’s me.” You put the bottle down.

Claire sits down next to you, but you get up before she can take your hand and look at you with that caring look she always gives you when she’s worried. You’re not even mad that she played your concerns down when you expressed them and now she is expressing concerns about you; you’re mad at yourself.

She watches you. “You have a date. That’s a good thing. It means you allowed yourself to finally say yes to someone interested in you, right?”

“No,” you shake your head.

“Why not?”

“Because.”

“That’s not an answer.”

You’re pacing over the creaky floorboards. “The last time I went on a date with someone was after my intern year.”

Her gaze softens. “You told me that,” she murmurs.

“He took me to a restaurant,” you tell her. Your lip quivers as you speak, and your nails dig into your palms until they draw blood. You can barely feel it. His face is right in front of you. “It was a nice restaurant. He paid for me, even offered me his jacket while we were walking home. It was the best date I ever had. And then he kissed me on the doorstep before wishing me a good night.”

“I know. You told me all of that before. But you couldn’t have known that he would turn out to be who he turned out to be. He was your boss. He had no right—”

“That is precisely the problem, Claire!” your voice breaks. “The guy I met, he’s… his name is Matthew. He’s… he is so nice to me. He cares. He treats me like a human being. He… he’s respectful. He called me beautiful. I don’t even know how he knows that. He just… he was so nice to me, and I feel so comfortable around him. I haven’t felt this comfortable around a man in so long. I… I wanted to go out with him. I flirted with him, for fuck’s sake! And when I’m with him, I finally feel wanted again.”

“But you know who else was nice to me when I first met him?” you say. “Who was respectful? Who said I was the only real thing in this world, the only important thing in his life, and that he loved me? You know who made me feel safe and wanted, and who said he cared about me? John said that I was the most beautiful woman on this planet, and I fell for it because he was nice to me. He–”

“But that guy isn’t John,” Claire cuts you off. She raises her voice only slightly—only enough to make you stop and stare at her, tears streaming down your cheeks. You’re miserable. You’re a mess. It is truly embarrassing. But she doesn’t look at you any differently.

“Don’t you think I know that?” you snap back.

“Liv–”

“Every time I close my eyes, I see his face. I’m 32, and I can’t sleep without a nightlight most nights because I wake up in a cold sweat. I can’t drop a glass without going into shock. I can’t look in the mirror without feeling his hands on me. Without feeling disgusting and worthless, and…” You can feel the shiver traveling up your spine from the thought alone. “I can’t exist without feeling like he should have killed me when he got the chance.”

“Liv, I know you’re upset, but please, don’t say that,” Claire says, her voice gentle yet assertive.

“Why? It’s true. I wish he would’ve killed me. He took four years of my life that I can never get back. At least if he’d killed me I wouldn’t have to suffer now.”

“That’s exactly why I don’t want you saying things like that.”

“You don’t get it,” you say. “Every time I look in the mirror, I want to vomit because I see what he made of me. I can’t even meet a nice guy and allow myself to like him without seeing his face and hearing his stupid voice in my ear, telling me—telling me that no one will ever love me, that he tainted me, and that I will never be free of him because I can’t exist without him.” You break into a sob.

“And he was right, you know,” you cry. “I ran from him. I made the hardest decision of my life after years of living in his shadow, and I almost died. Because of him, I can’t trust a kind and respectful man who treats me like a person to actually be kind, and I recoil at the thought of someone being gentle with me. Something is seriously broken inside of me, Claire. Very, very broken.”

Claire opens her mouth, but all she can do is bear your tirade. She knows that if she speaks now, you will find another reason to shut her down. This is your pain talking. It’s a powerful avalanche set out to cause destruction on a global scale.

“With Matt, I—” you exhale. “I was myself around him for the first time since I ran away, and he didn’t shy away. I had hope, Claire. I felt like I could finally step into normal life again after settling down here, and I thought I’d have a chance,” you say. “But I just have to close my eyes, and John is right there to ruin everything for me. He is always right there, and I can’t fucking escape him. That’s the problem. That’s why I can’t be happy about this date because I’m fucking terrified. I can’t go through this again. I—I can’t give myself to someone again because there is hardly anything left of me. He took everything, including my ability to love another man ever again, and that thought is fucking with my head.”

You fall silent. The tears continue running down your cheeks, and you bury your face in your hands. Your knees are so weak. You don’t have it in you to hold yourself up any longer. You drop to the carpet, crying into your hands, but you don’t sob. You stay silent because your pain is so great, you don’t know whether to scream or shut down, so you scream internally and shut down from the world around you because you can’t face it. You can’t face Claire.

The couch creaks. Her feet brush against the carpet. “He abused you,” her voice borders above a whisper.

She kneels beside you, her hand reaching out—but not touching you. She knows what lines to cross and which to better leave untouched.

“What he did to you wasn’t your fault. He’s a cruel man with cruel intentions.” When you don’t shy away from her proximity, she finally places her hand on your shoulder. “You did the impossible. You survived. You’re here now because you chose to save yourself, and that is so admirable,” she says. “It’s been two years. You’re safe here, you’re not alone anymore, and I know it hurts and it is terrifying, but it’s a good sign that you want to feel more of what this guy made you feel.”

“But I can’t,” you choke out.

“I know, and I wish I could help you, but I’m not a professional. The truth is, John may have made you feel like there is nothing left of you, but you’re not Olivia Clarke. You’re still you. You’re still…” Claire takes a deep breath before she utters your name. Your real name. The one you were given when you were born.

The mention of your name makes you shiver. “She’s gone,” you say. “He killed her, but he left her body alive.”

“She’s not gone, she’s just buried very fucking deep. I mean, you said it yourself. You could be yourself around this other guy, and he took you for who you are. That isn’t Olivia, that’s you. And it’s such a good sign that you want to go out with him. That you like him. John hurt you, but he didn’t break you beyond repair. Please, you have to remember that.”

Your tears slowly subside. Her words finally manage to reach your rebelling mind through your ears. Even though everything feels like it has been wrapped in cotton, she manages to get through to you like no one else. It was a subconscious decision to come to her, but perhaps your soul knew something that you didn’t, and you can’t say that opening up didn’t help.

The mess slowly subsides. Left behind is nothing but hot air, and the words Claire decided to share with you.

You look up to meet her eyes. She smiles down at you. “I just… I don’t want to feel like this anymore,” you whisper.

“That’s why I think you should go on that date,” she tells you.

“Yeah, but who wants to sign up for a mess like me?”

“Seems like he does. And if he’s a good guy, he’ll like you regardless of your mess.”

“You know it’s not that easy.”

She shrugs. “I hate to break it to you, but you can’t pretend it never happened. And you can’t give John the satisfaction of putting your life on hold because of him. That’s just giving him what he wants.”

“I don’t want to give him what he wants,” you’re quick to answer.

Claire hands you a tissue, and you take it gratefully, wiping your runny nose and the salty tears stuck to your dry skin.

Her words stir something within you; even though you don’t want her to be right, she is. Matt may not deserve a mess like you, but if he’s truly a good guy, it can’t hurt to see if it would work between you. And when your past comes out eventually, there is a chance that he won’t abandon you. A slight chance, but a chance nonetheless. That’s a positive outlook you still have to learn how to adapt.

“C’mon.” Claire helps you off the floor and onto the couch.

You reach for the bottle of wine instantly, but she takes it away from you. She screws the top back on and places it aside, far out of your desperate reach.

“This is not the answer,” she says, “talking is.”

“Can’t we talk and have wine?” you counter.

“Not when you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown.”

You sniff, wiping the remaining tears on your cheeks with the tissue.

“We need to take care of you, and alcohol won’t fix your problems.”

Once again, she isn’t wrong. You let out a defeated sigh before dropping your head in her lap.

A long time ago, you used to be an affectionate person. The fear of being hurt again, of someone raising their hand against you, took that away from you. With Claire though, it’s different. You know she won’t hurt you. She’s not that kind of person, and you can say that with complete certainty.

Claire Temple is not a violent human being, except for when the people she loves are in danger, but only then.

She gently brushes the hair out of your face and crumbles it into a messy bun at the back of your head. She wipes at your nose and the last of your tears before they can dry out your skin more than it already is. The past couple of days have taken an emotional and physical toll on you.

You wince slightly when you notice how sore your nose is. It isn’t broken, but you still got hit. You’re not quite healed yet. A shiver rolls down your spine.

Shaking her head, Claire gently removes her hand. “You always get yourself in trouble when I’m not around,” she mutters.

You scoff softly. “Maybe that’s a sign.”

“A sign for you to be more careful, yeah,” she says.

“Now, where would be the fun in that?” You try to joke, but your voice falls flat with the weight of your exhaustion.

Claire offers you a chuckle, but it’s more of a pity laugh than anything else.

You sigh. You know that you’re not an example when it comes to the significance of making the right decisions. Not at all.

“Did I ever thank you for saving my life?” you ask her then, breaking the silence between you in two.

She leans back against the cushions. “Once or twice.”

“Not nearly enough then.”

“I don’t know about that. I mean, if you hadn’t come into Metro General with your hand in a man’s chest cavity, I wouldn’t have gotten the chance to help you. You chose to stay.”

“Well, I had my hand on his vena cava, so, letting go would have been unfortunate for the poor guy.”

“That’s true.”

“But if you hadn’t disobeyed protocol, risking your job by putting your trust in me, I wouldn’t have had a reason to stay.”

Claire looks down at you, and you meet her eyes. “That sounded a lot like a love confession,” she nudges you.

You roll your eyes playfully. “You wish.”

“Hey, I’d understand it if you were in love with me. I’m hot.”

She never fails to make you laugh, even when you feel like a truck has rolled you over and broken every bone in your body. That is one of the many qualities you value about her. She’s a good person with a good heart, and she is the kind of person you could trust with your life and she would always make sure that you come out on the other side unharmed, mentally and physically.

If she hadn’t taken you under her wing, you’re not sure where you would be, but it surely wouldn’t be where you are now.

When your laughter quiets down, you nod. “I can’t argue with that. You are hot. If you weren’t my friend,” you say, “I’d ask you out.”

“And if I were into women, I’d say yes,” she says.

“I appreciate that.”

“Speaking of dates though–” She stops when you sigh a little too loudly. Claire shoots you a stern glare before she continues, “Promise me you won’t cancel.”

It’s not a question, it’s a statement. She wants you to mean it. You won’t lie; canceling your plans with Matt did cross your mind, but after Claire worked her magic on you, you can see a little clearer. The fog that kept your mind clouded has started to lift slowly but steadily. You’re no longer spiraling as fast as you have before.

If you could wash your hands and wash him off of you, it wouldn’t be as much of a problem as it is, but you’ve tried. You have tried washing all memory of him off of your body, out of your mind, but he’s a resilient son of a bitch. John will always try to drive a wedge between you and a normal, happy life, the question is just if you will allow him to do so without even being near you, or if you will finally allow yourself to crawl out of the dark hole he tossed you into.

You can’t do it alone, and asking for help is terrifying. You have spent the past two years trying to push through. Unfortunately, your healthy coping mechanisms won’t work forever.

You sigh again, a little quieter. “I won’t cancel,” you tell her, your voice barely above a whisper, yet still so very certain. As certain as you can be, anyway.

“Thank you.” Claire reaches for the wine bottle next to the couch. “You deserve to be happy.”

“Hm,” you can only murmur.

“What?”

“What are you doing with the bottle?” you ask.

“Drinking,” she says.

“Now I feel betrayed.”

“You should celebrate the fact that you found a Matt, or whatever his name is, and not another Mike.”

You promptly sit up. “Hold up. Pause. Rewind. Mike, like your ex?”

Claire takes a sip of the bottle. A storm rages behind her hazel eyes. You have never seen her that conflicted before.

“Is he the personal reason why you’re subjecting yourself to a constant allergic reaction by staying here?” you ask.

The pieces slowly start falling into place. She nods. “Not Mike Mike, but yeah. It’s always the Mike’s.”

Your jaw drops. “I feel like you skipped some chapters there. You met a guy and you didn’t tell me? What–”

“He met me,” she corrects you. “I didn’t tell you because we’re not a thing. Let’s just say there’s a reason his name is Mike. That’s why I’m here.”

Claire takes another sip. You watch her closely, trying to catch her in a lie, but it seems like she’s telling the truth—or a version of the actual truth, but that still makes it true. She’s giving you as much as she can after you cried your eyes out to her.

You clear your throat, lowering your voice. “But you’re not in danger?” you ask to clarify.

She shakes her head. “I just have shitty taste in men, even if it's platonic, apparently. It’s like… I’m trying to exist, and then I find a stray cat in a dumpster, but the stray cat has been stabbed and needs medical attention.”

“But you’re allergic to cats and you’re not a vet?” you try to make sense of her analogy.

When she lets out a sigh and nods, you figure you came as close as possible. It still doesn’t make sense to you, but when does anything? At least when it comes to romance and people’s love lives.

You decide to push a little more, “Did you actually find an injured guy in a dumpster?”

She shakes her head. The reaction comes a little fast, but you don’t question it. “No, that–that was just an analogy,” Claire says.

“And Mike is the stray cat in that analogy? But not your Mike, another Mike?”

“Yeah.”

“Dude, you’re frying my brain cells.”

“The single one you still have, or did you buy new ones?”

You try not to laugh, trying to look like you are genuinely offended, but your lips still curl up into a smile. “Shut up,” you mutter. You reach for the bottle, against better judgment, and take a sip.

Claire shakes her head. “What I’m trying to tell you is that, if he’s a good guy, you can’t let him slip away. You can’t let a good thing slip away and possibly end up with a–a Mike kinda guy for the rest of your life.”

“I know.” You look down at your hands, your broken fingernails, and sore knuckles from the constant scrubbing. “I just wish I could understand what he’s doing to me without questioning my entire existence.”

“Some people are just that enigmatic,” and she sounds as if she knows exactly what she’s talking about.

You wonder about Mike. Not her ex-boyfriend but the one she mentioned. He sounds like he has no sense of self-preservation, and he may not even be a good influence. He reminds you of yourself, and that’s creepy—you don’t even know him.

And then there is Matt, who is also so eerily similar to you, but in different ways. It’s more of an emotional connection. His heart is in the right place. And unlike the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen, he doesn’t have a savior complex.

Why did he even come to your mind? His existence should not be playing into the equation. You brush the picture of his chiseled chest in that tight shirt away, or the way he looked even more dangerous with that smirk below the the mask.

You hand the wine bottle back to Claire. If you don’t cut yourself off now, you will melt into a puddle of embarrassment.

Your focus should be on Matt and Matt alone. You have to try. Claire was right. You can’t sacrifice your happiness because you’re scared—you can’t give the man who dedicated his life to breaking you and your confidence down the satisfaction of cowering in fear every time a man shows an interest in you. A good man. A man who could make you happier than he ever had.

You won’t run this time. You will face the situation head-on. You owe that much to the little girl who dreamed of a life beyond the hell she grew up in, the same girl who was obsessed with finding her soulmate and still believed in true love. Above everyone, you owe it to yourself. No one else matters quite as much as you do.

And for the sake of seeing what could be instead of wondering what could have been, you have to try.

Tag List: @shiorimakibawrites @allllium @siampie @auroraslibrary @roseallisonparker @abucketofweird @thatonegamefish @capylore @kniselle @sumo-b98 @peachstarliight @danzer8705 @kakamixo @littlehappyperson @atemydadforbreakfast @stevenknightmarc @zheezs14 @shouldbestudying41 @kiwwia-wiwwia

#matt murdock x reader #matt murdock #daredevil #matt murdock x you #matt murdock angst #matt murdock fluff #reader insert #charlie cox #doctor!reader #do no harm

67 notes · View notes

shawnxstyles · 1 year

Text

come back…be here

DATE: JANUARY 11, 2023

summary: tom has to film a movie in london while you have to stay and work in new york. the distance drains you both, craving to be closer than a phone call. once the challenges subside, you’re in his arms and everything feels like home again.

request: yes!! read this for more information!

song: Come Back… Be Here- taylorrr / Car’s Outside- james arthur

words: 4.1k

warnings: heavy on angst!!, fluff, SMUT (m-receiving [oral], f- receiving [fingering], unprotected sex [two positions], dirty talk, praise kink), little language, and pining. (dramatic lol)

note: i used a quote from cherry because it’s one of my favorite lines with tom and i think it would be perfect here. this is very dramatic, but i don’t care :D #angsty

—

NEW YORK

The sun peeks out from the curtains, alerting your body to wake up. The rays cause your weary eyes to squint as you push yourself up from the bed. You breathe softly in the silence of your own presence. Tilting your head, you gaze at the emptiness that lies in bed next to you. You frown when you feel a pang of pining form in your chest. Ruefully, you untuck yourself from the covers, feeling colder than you did yesterday. And the day before that. And the week before last. It felt like the longest two weeks of your life and you still had two more to go.

Tom had gone filming in London for a movie he was extremely excited about. You knew he had no choice: it was going to happen eventually. But that didn’t make the goodbyes any easier. And it felt harder this time.

This wasn’t your first rodeo being a famous actor’s girlfriend; Tom’s left to film a variety of movies while you were together. The longest he’s ever been gone for was two weeks without a break, and that was a struggle.

It was a tradition for you two to call each other every night, even if you were exhausted from a long day and he was tired from filming. You imagined the way his lips spoke I love you when you talked on a normal phone call, but it would never amount to him physically whispering softly in your ear.

You wanted to go with him, you really did. You’ve been to London countless times to be with his family, so it wouldn’t have been a big deal. However, you were battling for a higher position at work and your absence for a sudden vacation wouldn’t make you look too good.

Tom had convinced you to stay, knowing how important your job is to you. In reality, you didn’t need a job if you were going to spend the rest of your life with a Hollywood actor, but you both knew that wouldn’t stop your independence from flourishing. You loved being with Tom because he encouraged you to not only be better, but to be great, and to be you. His faith in you has gotten you through some of the toughest moments of your life. Tom could say the same for you. He admired your hard work and independence so much that it motivated him. You were the brightest light in his life that saved him from any harmful darkness.

You didn’t have a doubt in your mind that you loved each other. You only fell harder every day.

As you sourly complete your morning routine in empty silence, you get dressed in your work clothes before heading out the door. Work helped distract the depressing yearning in your chest as you competed for the promotion. The days felt slower the more that passed, the desire to stay focused leaving your mind with the lack of motivation. You didn’t rely on Tom’s ability to encourage you, but God, did it help. His presence alone was graceful and endearing. He could convince you to run a marathon at midnight if he simply gave you those adorable puppy eyes that make you fold every time.

Every night, you leave work at the same time, rarely staying late. Every night, you do your nightly routine after a quick shower. Sometimes, you added a good cry because you just needed to cry. But every night for the past two weeks, you lie in bed with heavy-weight eyelids as you wait for a phone call.

—

LONDON

For most of his scenes, Tom got to wear a watch. It was hard for him not to avert his eyes to the time as he waited for the film to wrap up for the day. If he didn’t get to wear a watch, he would ponder at the sun’s angles to determine how long it would be until nightfall. When the sun would dip just below the hills, he knew he was a day closer to being home to you.

He packed the small carry-on he brought to set and quickly left with short goodbyes to the crew and his cast mates. Tom was staying at his parents’ house, since it was close to where the movie was being shot. He tried not to be loud when he trudged through the dark hallways of the house, feet padding the sleek, wooden floors.

His body collapses on the creaky bed, drained from constantly missing you. Yes, his job was physically and mentally demanding; some roles took him months to prepare for, like Cherry. But he swears your absence makes his heart beat slower, like he’s deliberately dying without being with you. It was killing him to be hundreds of miles away from you for so long without a break.

Tom’s muscles and brain scream at him to close his eyes just for a moment to rest, but he refuses. He hasn’t gotten any decent sleep since he’s left your side, and he hopes it doesn’t affect his acting. He silently showers, cleaning the work of today off of him. Painfully, he continues to resist the urge to consume himself in his duvet, eyes fluttering and nearly rolling backwards. The electronic vibration in his hand jolts an ounce of energy in his muscles, allowing him to answer before he passes clean out.

—

NEW YORK

“Hey,” You breathe out weakly, eyes sorrowful. You attempt a smile, but it’s too weary. Your face feels too heavy to make such a joyful expression.

“Hey, baby,” Tom croaks with his cheek squished against a pillow. His voice was gravelly and shushed, his eyes mostly closed, even as your face was present in front of him. All he needs is your voice, the perfect lullaby that can send him straight to sleep.

“I miss you,” Lip quivering as you sigh the words. Your teeth clench as you hold back the sudden urge to cry. You take the rest of any energy you had left to maintain your emotions, so Tom doesn’t worry too much. You both know how badly you miss one another, but Tom doesn’t need to know that you’ve been crying alone. “a lot.”

He would drop everything and fly home just to wipe away your tears.

“I miss you so goddamn much, baby,” His hand rubs over his weary eyes, trying to focus on you instead of the nauseated need to sleep. “Wish I could hold you.”

“Wish I could touch you,” Breathing unevenly, you bite your lip to contain the crying inside of you.

“Just a little longer, darling,” He sighs as a large yawn arises in his throat.

“You’re so tired, baby. You need to rest,” You almost break at his fatigued and fragile state, body demanding sleep. It was almost eight o’clock in New York, meaning it was almost one A.M. in London. He most likely wrapped up in the evening, so he must have stayed up until you were off of work to talk. Tom’s done that every night since he’s left, and your heart aches even more.

“Not yet. Just a little longer, love,” He repeats similarly, another yawn summoning from him as his head nudges deeper into his pillow like a sleepy child. He imagined the pillow to be your lap or your chest, so his body would give in to the rejected feeling of the fabric.

Although you were miles away, the silence was comfortable enough because he knew you were there, just not completely.

“Goodnight, Tom,” You whispered into the microphone, wishing you could caress the soft, damp curls on his forehead until he drifted peacefully to dreamland. But watching him fall into a much needed sleep over FaceTime was the best you could get right now. “I love you. So much.”

“Goodnight, m’angel,” Tom mumbles groggily and quietly. “I love you too.”

Soft snores wheezed from his thin lips, making your lips curl up the slightest as you admire him. Your heart was pained to see him so exhausted. It saddened you so much that a tear finally slipped from your eye and onto your pillowcase, leaving a familiar stain in the fabric. With one last look at him through your now glossy eyes, you sniffle quietly and end the call.

A few more silent tears fall from your cheeks as you turn off your bedside lamp. You replay his words in your head like your favorite song to help you slowly coast to an empty sleep.

Your heart chases the hundreds of miles separating you, yearning for your boyfriend to come back and be here.

—

TWO WEEKS LATER, NEW YORK

Your head nearly falls on your laptop from exhaustion. Your eyes would start to roll to the back of your head if you didn’t shake your body awake. You rub your eyes as you glance at the time. According to Tom, his flight should have landed by now and he should be on his way home. Finally.

However, this was the worst day for him to come back because you had to stay late at work preparing last-minute charts and emails. Usually, all of that could wait for the following day because working on an empty tank never did you any good. But since the promotion announcement would be soon, you had to be two steps ahead of your competitors. Plus, you had tomorrow off, so you had to get double the work done today.

Once you finish your current assignment, you delicately close the laptop and shut off your monitor. Flicking off the lights in your office, you drop your phone in your bag without glancing at it.

Weariness blurred your vision, and it felt unsafe to drive in such a tired state. The only thing keeping you awake was that Tom would be there not long after you, and you would finally get to sleep in his arms. If you weren’t so tired, maybe you would leap into his arms like the movies, but Lord knows you could barely walk.

You unlock the front door to a dull house; quiet, cold, and dark. You slip off your shoes and trudge up the small set of stairs into your bedroom. You repeat the same routine as you would if you were alone, but this time you knew he would be coming home.

When you’re comfortable in your pajamas, you poorly make the bed, so it looks more appealing than the hot-mess you’ve been laying in for the past month. Once you’re settled, you peer at the clock on your bedside table, wondering why he hasn’t made it home yet.

Grabbing your phone for the first time since this morning, you turn it on and crinkle your eyebrows at Tom’s newest messages.

T: Lovie my flight got delayed.

T: Hey baby. Can’t wait to see you. Getting on now.

T: Halfway home baby. Text me when you’re home x

You frown at the words, sighing heavily when looking at the time stamps. His last text was from the early evening. You huff, upset at yourself for being too hypnotized in your work to pay attention to your boyfriend coming home. Based on his texts, he should be home in an hour at best. You place your phone to your chest and close your eyes as you slide down your headboard until your head lays flat on the pillow. You fight the urge for as long as you can, but sleep holds you captive until you're consumed in it.

—

NEW YORK

Tom pushes through the door rolling his two suitcases and carrying his backpack on his shoulders. His limbs ache as he tramps up the stairs, the weight of his exhaustion yanking him toward the floor. Your car was in the driveway, so he’s sure that you were home even if the house is quiet. The bedroom door is cracked, so he trudged inside and plopped his baggage on the floor. He finally glances at your figure, motionless and allayed as your quiet breathing fills the emptiness.

He stalks over to your side, gazing at the sleeping beauty with a sigh. Tom’s rough hands delicately whisk your hair from your face before he places a tender kiss to your forehead. Your breathing falters and your eyelashes flutter, but you stay sound asleep. Tom gets ready for bed before slipping in right beside you.

Tom wraps a secure arm around your waist and subtly tugs you closer, bodies already warmer from the proximity. An inch of a smile manages to crawl up his lips even as tired as he is. His weight sinks further into the mattress as fatigue overtakes him.

A few hours later, you awake in the middle of the night with a muscular arm snug around your waist. Your heart jumps in excitement and you attempt to turn around, but realize that he’s probably asleep for the first time in a while. It’s hard to relax, while you try to rest knowing that Tom is finally home again.

You were in his arms and that’s all that mattered.

—

HOME

The sun shines brightly behind the curtains, but more graceful than it had been the past month. The sound of birds joyfully chirping and a small breeze alarm you peacefully to awaken. Your brain and body are quick to notice the heavy arm encompassing you, feeling its weight with every breath you take. You smile, but hold it back, saving all of your exuberance for Tom. You shift around anxiously excited, gazing lovingly at his adorable face; mouth slightly opened, crinkled eyes, and his cute nose. He was here, he was really here.

Without resisting, you kiss his cheek. And then his jaw. And then his neck. And then his bare shoulder as you remove his arm from you. And then his naked chest, sending little shockwaves of electricity through his body. You wanted to love him all over because of how estatic you were, and how much you missed him.

Tom inhales sharply, sensing your actions and wakes up blissfully. Eyes fluttering, he peers down at the top of your head kissing and caressing down his torso.

“Love,” He croaks groggily, voice crackly and warm like a burning fireplace. His hand pets your hair, smoothing it gently as you look up toward him. You don’t say a word, only a huge grin before you plant your lips onto his.

Both of your hearts overflow with much needed attention and love as your lips move in flawless sync. Slowly and passionately, your mouths mold together like missing pieces of a puzzle finally connecting. Your body collapses on his as your hands intertwine with his brown curls, elbows on either side of his head. His strong hands remain locked on your jaw, thumbs massaging the apple of your cheeks. For a breath, you painfully pull yourself back as you both gasp for air. Forehead to forehead, you listen to the panting and hearts beating.

“You’re back,” You smile shyly, happiness sparkling in your irises like a cartoon.

“I am, darling. Did you miss me?” He jokes, knowing you missed each other so crazily you couldn’t act normal. You two were so connected, being apart meant missing the other half of you. You huff a laugh and roll your eyes before kissing him greedily again.

“So much. I missed you so much,” You lead the kiss down to his jaw, sucking softly as he smiles. “Let me show you how much.”

His smile curls higher as you crawl down his body. Your sweet kisses leave invisible tattoos on his skin, making him sigh from how much he missed this. From how much he missed you. You twiddle with the waistband of his boxers until he persists you continue, so you do.

Now completely naked, his morning glory stands hard with an ounce of pre-cum at the tip. You rub the juices around his tip, causing him to hiss. Saliva runs down the length of his cock as your hand wraps around him. You stroke up and down deliberately, Tom’s breathing heaving as you gradually pick up your pace.

Your mouth hovers over the head before you lower yourself on to it. He moans hoarsely, throat raspy with lust. Your tongue glides along his prominent veins, exploring every inch that could fit in your mouth until his slit tickled the back of your throat. Your hand strokes consistently as your head continues to bob for his pleasure. Your panties dampen at his guttural noises, a rough hand delicately lacing in your hair. He resists the urge to push you lower as he holds onto you.

“Fuck, Y/N. Missed that mouth. Missed—fuck— you,” He grunts when you gag subtly, his abs tensing. Your nails scratch his muscular thighs, making his legs contract as his high approaches him. Although he’s so close, he halts your movements, so he doesn’t explode in your mouth. “Don’t want to come yet.” He grumbles weakly.

Your mouth pops off of him as drool dribbles down your chin. Your hand continues to lightly stroke him as he wipes it away. He crashes his lips to yours before flipping you over, never breaking the kiss.

“Now, can I show you how much I missed my girl? My sweet girl,” He trails down your neck, sucking love bites under your ear. You whimper in response to his words, hands creeping up his bare back for grip.

Once your shirt and panties are discarded, Tom’s fingers dance around your hips playfully as you widen your legs welcomingly. Arousal glistens in the sunlight like magic, lust consuming his eyes at the sight of your soaking slit. Knuckles brushing your clit, he rubs gently, eliciting a needy moan from you. Knowing how much time you two have been apart, he doesn’t waste time slipping a finger easily into you. You gasp, clenching around him instantly.

“So wet for me. Guess you really did miss me,” He grins, adding another finger into your tight cunt as your eyes squeeze shut. One hand rests on your knee as he pecks your stomach, thrusting and curling his thick fingers in you. His thumb circulates your aching clit, relieving some of the consistent throbbing with the rough texture. “Love your cunt. Always so tight for me.”

“God, Tom,” You wheeze at his vulgar words with such a loving tone, clit pulsating despite his constant pressure on it. His voice with his choice of words always got you off because he always knew what to say.

“Love your legs. Love your breasts,” His free hand makes its way up your body until his fingers are twisting the hard bud. You inhale sharply at the sensation, back beginning to arch. He leaves your breasts neglected and caresses your lust-filled face. “Love your lips,” He pecks them softly. “Love your eyes. Let me see them.”

You open your eyes as his fingers plunge deeper into you causing a trembling moan to fall out. His chestnut eyes admire your expression as you wither gracefully away from his longed touch. Clenching desperately around him, your core contracts and you bite your lip as the sensation grows on you.

“I-I don’t want to come yet, either,” You whine, strangled by overwhelming pleasure. Tom obeys and slowly removes his fingers from you. You feel empty, but you know you won’t for long once his cock is deep inside of you.

Tom pumps himself a few times, tip rosy and neglected, before teasingly spreading your shiny arousal around your folds. Your hands intertwine around his neck as he slides his length inside.

Shuddering moans and stillness are found in you both, too overwhelmed by the moment. Tom forces himself to move as your pussy contracts around his member dangerously tight. His thrusts are steady and deep, so deep, there wasn’t a part inside he wasn’t hitting. Every inch of you felt full after being so empty for so long.

A sweet, little cry releases from you as his pace picks up, his cock becoming consumed by your velvety walls.

“You’re so tight, lovie,” He achingly groans. With your constant mewls in the air and cunt squeezing him heavenly, he steadies at a pace that is perfect for you both.

Your thumb caresses his face lovingly as your legs wrap around him to push him deeper. Your eyes connect as passion, lust, and love flow inbetween you. In this moment, you feel your souls let go of any past pain or suffering and allow themselves to give in to each other. At this moment, you feel more entwined with Tom than ever before. For a moment, you forget about everything else in the whole world besides the two halves of the same soul fusing together again.

You pull your eyes away subconsciously as your stomach contracts and cunt flutters around his cock. Back arching and nails digging into his shoulders, you pant and whine at his depth while he whispers sweet nothings in your ear.

“You’re so deep,” You moan as your body becomes tense and your orgasm builds quickly. Tom wants this to last. He never wants to have to leave you ever again.

“I know. Taking me so well, pretty girl,” Raspy and gravelly, his voice sends you over the edge. You silently scream, your stomach arching to his chest as you soar up high, just to crash hard. His lips trail along your neck as you wind down, body trembling in unbelievable pleasure.

Tom hasn’t come yet and you secretly love riding him, and you know that’s one of his favorites. You bite your lip at the thought.

“Can I ride you?” You whisper, fingers dancing in his curly locks. He groans at your sweet, dirty words before flipping you over again with ease. His body lays flat on the bed while you rock slowly on his cock. Tom’s abs visibly contract from the intensity and satisfaction of this position. You feel slick around his cock at his chiseled figure, so you run a curious hand over his torso. “Your muscles are so… I love them.”

“I love that you love them, baby,” A strained whine releases from his throat as the tip of his cock twitches inside of you. “What else do you love?” His fingers fondle with the supple skin on your hips.

Tom joked a lot about his body, but in reality, he loved it when you’d praised his muscles, hands, legs, face— it made him feral to see you fawn over him.

“I-I love your arms. So strong, always protecting me,” You pant heavily, thighs burning deliciously at the tedious action of swaying back and forth. You roll your hips, eliciting a sharp noise from Tom as his grip on you tightens. “Love your hands. So big and rough.”

You continue a list of your favorite physical parts about him as he groans and moans from your compliments. His grasp on you is dangerous, his length ticking as he tries to hold off.

“D’want me to come in you? So you can be full of me?”

“Yes, yes. Want to be full of you forever,” You mewl, clenching around him as another mind-blowing orgasm hits you. At your request, Tom chokes a moan before his cum spurts into you furiously, muscles spasming and aching. Euphoric stars haze over your visions, blissed-out for your minds.

You collapse gently onto his body as you rest your head in the cradle of his neck. Unsteady breaths and racing hearts echo throughout the morning aroma of sex. The explosive beats of his heart fill your ears as your fingers trace feather-like on his pale skin. His hand smooths fondly over your frizzy hair and along your back over and over until you feel sleepy again.

“I missed you, Tom,” You whisper in the delicate, comfortable silence.

“I missed you, angel,” Tom hums as your body moves to the rise and fall of his breathing. Your eyes flutter majestically closed, sleepy like the beauty you are. “I couldn’t sleep without you.”

Reopening your eyes, you plant an arm on his chest and lay your chin on your hand. Pity floats in your eyes, remembering how tired he was on each phone call. He stares down at you through your lashes as the back of his head rests on his own hand.

“I couldn’t sleep either. It was torture,” You half joke, but were also serious because it definitely felt like some type of torture. “I know you just got back, but I’m kind of sleepy now.”

“Then let’s sleep. For the first real time in a month,” Tom brushes some stray hairs away from your eyes, so he could see the remarkable canvas of your orbs. You smile softly in affirmation, lifting yourself up to kiss his lips. It’s not long, but it’s tender and says I love you in a million different ways.

You slide off of his body and bask in his warmth as his arms wrap snugly around you. Back to his chest, you feel protected, safe, and comfortable for the first time in a month. Your hearts find the perfect beat for you both until they’re in beautiful sync.

As the sun rises higher into the late morning, Tom and you fall deeply asleep within the comfort of each other. He was finally home again, which means so were you.

—

i feel like i’m actually not bad at writing angst? the key is to make it very dramatic… i think.

#shawnxstyles #tom holland #tom holland smut #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #tom holland fan fiction #tom holland one-shot #tom holland imagine #tom holland fan fics #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you

701 notes · View notes

deathmetalunicorn1 · 4 months

Note

i have an aot inspired request that i had in mind for a while to ask for (i didn’t watch aot so excuse me for used not so accurate facts lol)

fem!reader was born into a poor family of 4 (parents, her and her older brother) in paradise island, her father often abused her till he kicked her out at 4 years old to survive alone, she fell into massive tree like ymir but instead of giving her titan powers or something similar, Source of all living matter had fused with her body-almost like making reader its vessel, a visible mark was on her upper body. visual it like a modern abstract tattoo or struck by lightning (or just like it had shown in anime), but it is red color and it’s permanent till it departs from her (at it will), she soon finds a way to sneaks on a Marley, scouts find her and levi adopts her (didn’t immediately but on papers were his last name). She was of great help during the very much entire main event since you can’t kill or hurt her physically so she was putting on traps and getting information and after it all finished she was growing to be a main soldier and captain like Levi, she died later from a some diseases (could be pneumonia (i don’t know if it have a medicine for it in aot so let’s pretend it doesn’t)), she gets known for her flexibility and speed, good with almost every kind of weapons (from pistol and rifle to snipers and swords and grenades) and since she couldn’t die from any physical harm she was getting herself in different places where she could be killed by titans and enemies so she got known as “fake death” or “troublemaker” for one close to her (levi, scouts and such) because she’s quite playful when comfortable with someone and almost reckless…

To actual request itself, how would Hades, Hermes and Apollo react to her and her story, she’s fighting for humanity and she frights against a god and she wins since she still have powers from Source of all living matter in her with a mark and everything, she wins again a god and don’t kill them since she promised to never kill anybody else again at her death bed, so what will happen then? What will be gods reaction to her story? who wanted to sway her off her feet? or who will just stay in their line and maybe try to befriend reader?

-There were many gods who didn’t know you, who didn’t know what you could do, the power you held in your body, many called it the Source of All, a boundless amount of energy that you obtained when you were still young and alive on earth.

-This power, which you initially thought was a curse, as the mark it put on your body, looking like a bolt of scattered lightning which would glow when you used your strength, which people thought was unnatural, you grew to adore and appreciate. You had saved so many people using this power.

-You used this to fight alongside other warriors, beating back your enemies, earning your nickname, Trickster, as you would play dead, letting them get close, only to strike quickly and brutally.

-It wasn’t until you died, young unfortunately, from pneumonia of all things, that you realized how fragile life really was, and as you took your last breaths, you had vowed to never kill another again.

-When you came to Valhalla you met so many other strong warriors, and while you were against killing, you loved training with strong people, humans and gods you didn’t have to hold back against, showing your true strength.

-Your power- your strength is what made Brunnhilde approach you about fighting in Ragnarok. You were initially against it- you flat out told Brunnhilde that you weren’t going to kill anyone else, and you only agreed to fight if you could leave your opponent alive.

-The gods were quick to underestimate you, seeing that you were so young, thinking you would be an easy win. As your powers flared, the mark on your body flaring to life, glowing brightly, Odin could only gawk, seeing the power you held in your body.

-You charged in, showing your combat skills, showing everyone that just because you were young, you weren’t a pushover.

-Heimdall spilled all your secrets, telling everyone about you- how you had been abused by your father until you were four, when you found the Source of All, then you became the vessel for that power, and you grew into a powerful warrior on your own, being taken in by other warriors, adopted by one of the most powerful ones, Levi (sorry I don’t know AOT).

-Your strength was legendary, as not even the strongest of titans and enemies could hurt you, as your power was keeping you safe from harm, and that was apparent here, as your opponent wasn’t doing much against you.

-Many of the gods were stunned to see you fighting so hard, to protect humanity, despite facing so much pain in your short life- it was humbling to see someone fighting so hard for those who had been so cruel to you, at least some of the people.

-As you stood over your opponent at the end of the match, the clear winner, you sheathed your weapon, a short sword. Many were yelling at you, telling you to finish the job.

-Your eyes were sharp, narrowed in anger as you spoke up at them, “Unless you’re going to get down here and fight me too- then you don’t get to make any demands of me. I refuse to kill another. Life is precious as it is fragile. Don’t call for the death of others unless if you’re going to fight as well.”

-You were quick to shut everyone up and you even helped your opponent up and dragged him backstage, holding his arms over your shoulders, dragging him behind you as you weren’t the tallest of people, and you took him all the way to the infirmary.

-When he asked you, while getting patched up, why you didn’t kill him, you just beamed brightly, looking like the teenager you truly were, “Life’s too precious to just kill someone just because. I’m not going to kill someone when you’re fighting just like I am.”

-You were an oddball, but he wasn’t going to look this gift of not losing his life in the mouth.

-Hades- He was surprised by your words, that you refused to kill, despite the gods wanting to destroy humanity, and while he wasn’t complaining, he was just confused, after you had killed so many enemies while you were alive, why were things so different now. He asked you while you sat beside him, keeping him company and you couldn’t help but send him a playful wink, “You should know better than most gods on how fragile life is. I didn’t realize that myself until I died, getting sick of all things. If I was the one killing others, ending their lives so easily- it made me… I-I just never want to kill again.” You were a kindhearted person, your words resonating with him, as he knew that well, after seeing his brother and his nephew dying. He reached out his hand for you to take and you took his without hesitation, “You’re a kind person Y/N.” you beamed brightly, thanking him for his words, which made him smile softly.

-Hermes- He agreed with your words, he knew how fragile the lives of others were, after watching so many die, both humans and gods, and he had to respect your decision not to kill him- he was alive because of that decision. You had the power to easily take him on in combat- you could probably take on any of the gods with your power. He could see the marks on your body, up close now, and they looked like a scar, like when someone would get hit by lightning, it looked like it would be painful and he reached out, taking one of your hands in his own, surprising you. He looked at your scar, a sad look on his face, “Does it hurt?” you were surprised by his words, but you grinned, “I remember it hurting when I first got it, as my body had to get used to it- but not anymore, it’s just hot!” You were so bright, so full of life, he didn’t want to snuff that life out, he didn’t want to snuff any of it out.

-Apollo- He could only stare at you, seeing you smiling so warmly at him, explaining yourself. You were so… so true- you were unapologetically you, and you looked so beautiful, inside and out. He was grateful you had spared his life, getting to live another day, but to see that you were such a lovely person on top of it was even more humbling. Apollo reached a hand towards you, and you took it, holding it with both of yours and he had to smile, feeling how warm your hands were, “You are an amazing person Y/N. I’m grateful to have met you.” You were surprised by his words, and he couldn’t help but smile as your cheeks turned a bit red, a little embarrassed by his praise, showing that you wore your emotions on your sleeve. You were a very complex person, but he wanted to know more about you as you made him feel so happy.

#record of ragnarok #ror x reader #ror hades #ror hermes #ror apollo

74 notes · View notes

gayshroomboi · 1 year

Text

Yandere headcanons for the rise boys!

Nothing overly graphic, deep or detailed will be here! Just some base heascanons!

—Mikey—

He’s the baby of the boys but also knows emotions, but that being said I don’t think he would realize his own right off the bat.

He’s touchy normally but after feelings start he’s going to cling and hold on no matter what like a koala!

He wants to be touching or around you constantly. Day, night, awake, asleep, if you know he’s there or not.

Mikey would get more attached as time goes on to the point where after a few weeks his clinging evolves into stalking and constant monitoring.

He would expense his love through cooking and touch.

Everything you do seems amazing to him, he’s obsessed with you.

He would do anything you asked him to do.

That person keeps bothering you? Forget them! They won’t be able to bother you with a broken jaw!

He’s far more likely to scare and slowly separate your family and friends away from you than to hurt them. If a overly nosy family member goes missing? Oh I’m so sorry how can he help?

He’s slow to violence as a yandere but will stoop to it if need be, never against you! Everyone other than you or his family is free game though!

I doubt he would kill in front of you if possible but if push comes to shove he would not hesitate to protect you and himself

If he’s not constantly near you once he’s obsessed he’s anxious, pacing, paranoid and coming up with ways to get you to stay longer.

I doubt he would purposely harm you, he knows your not made of glass but he still worries. Besides it’s far more fun it tie you up and watch you try to escape while all wrapped up!

He’s unlikely to jump to kidnapping you unless he feels it’s necessary or that you would simply be safer and happier with him. You would be constantly with him! It would be amazing!

—Raph—

This boi is protective

Protective to an extreme degree, you will not be allowed to walk on your own if you so much as bump your knee or step on your ankle weird.

He’s going to carry you around like one of his plushies and act like your made of porcelain.

He would probably realize his feelings early on but not quite realize his obsession isn’t normal

He isn’t exactly quick to anger but his is a Raph, the anger issues may not be as evident in rise but they are there.

His anger would never be turned on you but god help anyone who has ever wronged you in the slightest.

He would probably loose himself in fights if it involved you, killing something becoming very likely the longer the fight goes on.

He would be brutal, aggressive and cruel when it comes to making those who have or wish to harm you hurt.

He would probably scare himself into kidnapping you. What if you leave one day and don’t come back? What if someone finds your apartment and hurts you? You would be safer where he could always find you!

He’s gentle with you most the time but sometimes hugs tight enough to be painful or sometimes clips you on his spines and shell

If you ever said he had hurt you he would lock you in his room with him with his plushies and blankets where it’s safe till he can find a suitable apology.

Your his most precious thing after all, no plushie or person could compare to you.

The only way to keep you safe is with him and maybe his brothers, but they’re reckless with you. Your better off sat among his plushies and pillows, comfortable and safe.

—Leo—

I feel like Leo’s main go to wouldn’t be manipulation right off the bat. He’s the face man, his going to entertain and try to make you want on your own to stay before manipulating you to stay.

Probably the second most likely to kidnap you, thinking out every way to safely get you to the sewer and every way to keep you there.

He’s the most likely to use physical violence against you, not as far as broken bones but a dislocated ankle or shoulder to keep you from trying anything a second time is worth it in his mind.

He would probably deny his feelings at the start before giving up and going out of his way to woo you.

He knows his obsession with you isn’t healthy but he can’t bring himself to care to much, as long as your his he will happily be yours.

He feels useless so he would constantly do anything you ask of him, help you reach something, beat a difficult level in a game, make a teacher/boss ‘leave’. ANYTHING

He’s going to constantly show off to you, he’s going to learn things just so he can show he new skills off to you!

He trusts his family to look after and protect you when he can’t but it upsets him if you get to close or prefer one of his brothers over him.

You belong to him after all, your his! Not his brothers, his! Your his and he’s yours. Anything other than that will not stand

If he can’t convince you to stay with him without manipulation then he will slowly start to manipulate you into believing your family and friends hate/don’t care about you.

He’ll convince you the world is out to get you and your not safe but if you stay where he can keep you safe you will be alright. Just stay with him!

Killing isn’t his go to, he would much rather mutilate them so they live knowing what they did and what they are, animals. How dare the threaten your divinity with harm. Your are his, not theres.

—Donnie—

He’s obsessed, not as much as Mikey but still obsessed.

Touching is a sensory no for him but when it comes to you it’s not so bad, bearable, desirable almost.

He wants you with him everywhere, trailing behind him when he goes to a new room or him following you everywhere you go.

He definitely takes the longest to realize his feelings and obsession. He knows his obsession is bad but will convince himself he’s not obsessed and what he’s feeling is rational.

One of the first things he ever did was bug and track your phone. How can he protect you if he doesn’t know where you are after all!

Gifts! He constantly gives you gifts. Whether they’re for your or his benefit doesn’t matter!

A digital wristlet like his so you can contact them directly with a built in panic button! Cool now he knows your safe and where you are at all times, built in tranquilizer in case something goes wrong and he can always see you!

He’s the most likely to kidnap you, the thought would come to him randomly and he would latch on to it. Imagine having you with him constantly, listening to him and actually seeing him.

He would probably get the bear basics before kidnapping you on a whim, just wanting you with him already.

If he ever decided you were going to cuddle with him you would not be able to leave until he was done. Doesn’t matter if your uncomfortable, he’s going to take what he can get.

He’s likely to use physical violence against you, not in an attempt to actually harm you but if you ever try to escape or harm him or his brothers he’ll do anything to restrain you and keep you safe.

Your just scared, once you realize he just wants you with him you’ll stop fighting

#yandere teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt x reader #yandere tmnt #yandere rottmnt #yandere #yandere x y/n

305 notes · View notes

hannagoldworthy · 11 months

Text

I’ve been on a Greek mythology kick lately, so, as a lark, here’s a quick list of a few Star Wars characters and Greek characters I think they resemble:

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Oedipus. Both men are noble of character and have heroic intentions. They are devoted to their adopted families, remarkably competent in their jobs as generals and leaders, and they always try to do the right thing in any situation they encounter. But, both are doomed by the narrative to take part in the downfall of their families and cultures, and all of their heroic efforts come to naught. Both of them ultimately end up punishing themselves for circumstances beyond their control, and perishing in exile.

Anakin Skywalker: Heracles. The most physically powerful heroes of their respective mythos, they earn reputations of renown for their feats of strength and ingenuity. Both men fall under the influence of powerful beings who want to destroy their souls, and end up murdering their entire families in fits of madness. But, both men also eventually come to their senses, and though they can never erase the horrible things they’ve done, they devote the rest of their lives to attempt to make some recompense for their crimes, and ascend to godhood as a result.

Darth Maul: Sisyphus, natch. Local bastard keeps cheating death, and it’s really starting to piss death off. Sentenced to always be working towards a goal that can never be achieved.

Princess Leia: Antigone. Devoted daughter-figures to Obi-Wan Kenobi and Oedipus, respectively. Doomed to deal with the fallout of their predecessor’s choices, and not happy about it. Stubbornly do the right thing in defiance of the law, knowing full well that it will cost them their lives. Ultimately they die before they can see the benefit of their life’s work, but both go out like complete badasses, and their deaths cause chain reactions that eliminate the families of their enemies.

Luke Skywalker: Perseus. “I’m just the simple adopted son of a farmer/fisherman who wants to fight injustice. Oh, my family is now being harmed by that injustice? Game on, motherfucker, I’m gonna punch you out with the help of this cool new sword my mentor got for me. Oh, there’s a princess in danger of being consumed by a monster? Well of COURSE I have to rescue her! And…wait, what the fuck do you mean, my bio dad’s an asshole god?”

Rey: Psyche. Both abandoned by their families because of a curse, both get sucked into a never-ending cosmic family drama that has caused yet another war. Their character arc involves winning over many of the other players in this family drama to try and reconcile them with each other, to mixed effects. Both are brought back from the dead by their love interests, and go on to rebuild their lives after the war’s end.

#personal headcanons #greek mythology #star wars #obi-wan kenobi #oedipus #anakin skywalker #heracles #darth maul #sisyphus #leia organa #antigone #luke skywalker #perseus #rey skywalker #psyche

173 notes · View notes

meid4 · 3 months

Text

Why are Bells Hells

i was thinking about people saying that Bells Hells didn't have any reason to stay together or go on the moon mission so here is me getting some answers to it even if there is more i'm sure !

Imogen :

She started the campaign by wanting to know more about her mother, find her and so even if she has found her mom once, i think she would want to stop her now bc she knows she is with the bad guys. She feels involved.

She gets her powers from the moon, from predathos and she wants to know more about her powers and going on the moon would help her understand who she is more.

She wants to kill Otohan because she killed Laudna who she loves very much and otohan is part of "the release predathos team" so it gives her the want to stop it.

She grew also as a recluse at some point because her own dad didn't talk to her anymore and the town hated her so now that she has met people that understands her, she also tries to make things to work with them.

Laudna :

She has been following Imogen for years now, they have been going from town to town and she just wants to stay with her friend (now lover), someone that accepts her and just be with her wherever Imogen goes.

She always wanted to belong, she enjoys being with a group that accepts her, that she can be herself with and if these people want to save the world, she wants to protect them and stay beside them.

Her life was taken at such a young age and was a recluse for many years and now she is finally enjoying seeing the world and meeting new people, she is always happy when they go somewhere new.

Orym :

Otohan killed his family, he will do everything to stop them and kill them or at least stop their plans.

He serves people, he is a fighter, Trent is a threat to the people he wants to protect and so he will do everything to stop him.

He absolutly grew fond of the people he is travelling with, especially Fearne and he thinks they can help him get revenge or stop the bad guys.

Fearne :

She grew up in the feywild and was only surrounded with fey creatures and Nana Morri, she just loves to be on Exandria (even if i know that she misses the feywild) and explore. She is absolutly fascinated by everything and just wants to have fun.

About the moon stuff, i think her parents involvement peaked her interested about it and it has to spark something in her.

Orym of course is her best friend and she just wants to stay with him. She is also close with the witches and really bond with them. Than her relationship with Ashton, wathever it will be, she likes them.

Ashton :

Ashton always wanted to find a purpose kinda, we've seen it in the latest episode, they wanted to be stronger, find why they are on exandria, to be part of something big.

They always wanted to have a group of friends that would stick up with them, that would'nt leave them behind like the nobody's did, like previous people did and them "fucking up" last time but the group not leaving them has made them like them even more. And they wanna heal, they are trying.

FCG :

They started being there mostly bc they were with Ashton and just have a friend, they had just lost their group, they were grieving. And now finding this new group that again doesn't judge them for what they did and try's to make things work, they love it.

They are absolutly going against what they were made for (harming people) and they want to help people, heal them emotionally and physically. They are trying to make up for the wrong they did.

Their connection with the Changebringer absolutly make them want to help the gods even if there is questionning but they think it's the right thing to do. Their god also gives them purpose.

Chetney :

He doesn't want to be forgotten, he wants to be powerfull, especially. He is scared he will die and that nobody will remember him so Chetney saving the world and go to the moon, would absolutly make him known.

I think he also just goes with the flow, he has done so many things with his life and he has this group now, it's just new adventures, they helped him get to the Gorgynei and to know his powers better. He just has fun with them and wants to see more and have fun.

He thinks going to the moon is bonkers c'mon

Bells Hells are going on this crazy adventure for many reasons that are mainly to finally have this group that accepts them and have an actual happy ending so even they all don't want SPECIFICALLY save the gods, they have other motivation to do what they do. If one wants to do something, they will all help them do it.

They are not perfect and don't always work good together but they are trying and maybe that is enough for now, trying to be better, to stay with eachother and make things work. The most of them were lonely, never had a group of friends, are grieving and them wanting not to lose their bond is normal. And predathos maybe destroying the world is a bit of an obstacles to that.

Also they are having so much fun together c'mon.

It's dnd guys, it's a game, it would be annoying if they were just like "nah i don't care", they can but they love what Matt is building for them, the story. If mostly the players sometimes want to know more and get on the adventure, maybe that's enough. They can just play how they want.

And if they think their character doesn't want to be there anymore, they will just make them leave. Sam already had a character leave the campaign, it can happen again. The players know better what they want for their character.

#critical role #bells hells #critical role campaign 3 #cr spoilers #c3 spoilers #critical role spoilers #just a big rant #and if you stil think bells hells is not a good enough group and stuff #just stop hate watching the show #“it was better before” okay well rewatch the other 2 campaigns than #i just like bells hells guys

41 notes · View notes

monochrome-cropcrown · 1 year

Note

he will carry proudly ganesha while sitting on a elephant

Also the type of dad would ask if you win a fight at school

Shiva will cheers for his children while they're fighting."WOOO WOOO GO MY CHILD!!". Cue him to get scolded by his wives at home, for encouraging violence to his kids.

While I'm on board that he doesn't mind his kids being rowdy or nasty, I don't think he'll let them participate in Ragnarok. Even as a brawl enthusiast, he's still a father so it's his duty to keep his family safe from harm.

His short hair when he was young made him looked like an average Indian boy 💀💀 So I sorta imagine Shiva not being good at cutting hair so he just brings his kids if they need a haircut to one of those old Indian barber shops.

If the child is a boy, he will have his hair cut by the old Indian uncle, with the Indian uncle gives a whole ass speech to the child on how he must grow up to be a brave, strong and useful man to his father.

If the child is a girl however, I think Shiva will just hand her over to the wives.

I don't think Shiva will fret over school. Child got bad grades? No worries, they did their best! If the child needs it, he'll ask some wise gods like Hermes to teach them. Got good grades? Congrats! Now let's have a feast together. Overall, no matter how you do academically, physically or mentally, he'll be proud of you.

Shiva himself is not very smart either. So why worry about those big ass alphabets on papers? C'mon now let's get back to training. Though, I do think Shiva wouldn't let his children to slack off during studies, training or work. As lay-back as he is, he's still of trying to discipline his kids. Wouldn't want them to be like those lazy and boastful lowly gods.

#I don't know if this is accurate to his character but mehh #PLATONIC SHIVA #record of ragnarok #shuumatsu no valkyrie #ror shiva #snv shiva #shiva #record of ragnarok x reader #record of ragnorak #shuumatsu no walkure #records of ragnarok #shiva x reader

222 notes · View notes

araaaa-bella · 2 years

Text

Evan Peters x Fem!Reader

Warnings: sad, sensitive topics, self-harm, depression, death of a close family member, anxiety attacks, suicide.

Evan's age: 20 years old.

Bella's age (y/n): 19 years old.

There you were again, hugging your knees in the corner of your room with tears running down your eyes and holding some pretty sharp scissors. Supposedly, according to her therapist, her panic attacks and anxiety would go away if she took her pills, but it only seemed to make them worse. Those little pills made you feel like you were in control, and by not taking them you lost control and didn't know what to do, which always ended with blood on your arms and a girl with very swollen red eyes. You were weak, as this time the cuts were deep and you were losing blood, but you still had the strength to pick up the phone and make a call, you had to call your boyfriend as he knew how to calm you down.

“Evan please answer” you said to yourself with the phone in your hand and blood running down your wrists. “Come on, answer it “ you said and started crying again. A tired voice answered the call.

“Sweetie? What's going on? It's 2:30 am” he said making some small complaints -It seems that I woke him up-.

“Mhhh, I... I'm sorry I shouldn't have called you right now” you said and were ready to end the conversation there, but he spoke again.

“Come on, tell me what happened, It's not normal for you to call me at this time of the morning, are you okay?”

“I don't know what to do” you blurted out and started crying. “I know you always tell me to be strong but I can't stand it, I don't want to be here, you are my only reason to live and I feel like I can't bear all this weight anymore” you said crying harder and harder.

“...” There was a silence.

“Evan?" Are you on the call?”

“Don't tell me you did it again” he said coldly, you didn't answer anything. “I'll go to your house” he said and ended the call.

Less than 10 minutes passed and there was a knock on the door.

“Bella! Open the door please!” Evan wasn't lying when he said he was coming. “Bella, please open me up, I'm worried about you!” You tripped down the stairs, you were bleeding to death. You were very unstable mentally and physically and you wouldn't have more than 10 minutes if you weren't rushed to the hospital. You went downstairs and opened the door for your boyfriend.

“…” He stared at you. “Bella, my God” he said, looking at your arms. “Please, not again” he said and grabbed your arm to lead you to your room.

He went up angry, it wasn't the first time you called him and told him that. He got mad every time he saw those stupid bloody scissors and your bruised wrists, he knew all the problems you had and he helped you through them, but you didn't help much. Going upstairs, he pulled out some bandages and began wrapping them around your forearms.

“Linda... why are you doing this?” He said in a depressed way, he hated having to go to your house to heal you. Shedding a couple of tears, she grabbed her phone and called an ambulance, she had lost too much blood.

“I don't know… I feel like I'm getting worse and worse, I can't get over my mother, my father hates me and I don't have friends, you're the only thing I have left” you said letting some tears fall.

Your mother committed suicide when you were 5 years old because your father was unfaithful to her and she couldn't bear that pain. After what happened with your mother, your father became a fucking alcoholic, drug addict and abuser, he could never touch you but he hit you a lot. Every time he came home from "work" he beat you to death then drank 6 cans of beer and passed out you had to take responsibility for a long time but then you stopped caring and stopped caring about him to worry about the. its. Your mental health got worse and you stopped eating, Evan helped you with everything, he made you eat again and you worried about your health, but you always fell down.

“Honey, just promise me something... don't leave me, I don't know what I would do without you” Evan said making your eyes sparkle.

“I don't know if I'll last a little longer” you said sleepily, your vision blurring -oh no, not this-.

“Bella, hey, don't fall asleep” Evan said, shaking your shoulders. “Hey! Don't fall asleep please! The ambulance will arrive!” he yelled but it was useless, you were no longer with him. “Bella please answer me! I need you with me!” Evan hugged you and cried, he cried a lot, the love of his life had abandoned him.

He was clear about what was going through your mind, but he never thought about what would happen if you were no longer with him. He took you in his arms when he heard noise outside, the ambulances had arrived. Still hoping you might survive, he took you to the first floor as best he could and opened the door, letting the paramedics put you on a stretcher and try to revive you, but all that effort was useless, you had already bled to death.

“Sorry boy, there's nothing we can do, she lost too much blood” the paramedic told Evan.

“No… please, try something else, I know something else could work” replied the totally devastated boy.

“Sorry, there's nothing we can do” he said again, causing Evan to fall to his knees on the floor as he cried.

“Why! Why Bella? Why did you have to leave me?!” Evan told himself as he cried harder and harder.

He felt empty, as if finally he was absolutely nothing. The person he loved so much showed that he didn't care how he would feel without the other's presence.

#evan peters #tate langdon #american horror story #ahs fandom #writers on tumblr #oneshots #evan peters x reader #evan peters x y/n #fanfic #ahs fanfic #tate x reader #sad fanfiction #sad fic #oneshot #tate ahs #tate and violet #fem reader

404 notes · View notes

popawritter12 · 1 month

Note

Hello! I read your yandere Smoke story, and I liked it a lot! You're a great writer and I'd love to see more Mortal Kombat stuff :)

If it's okay with you, would you be willing to do a headcanons list for yandere Rain (MK1, preferably male reader, if that's okay)? Thank you so much in advance! Feel free to take as much time as you need. I love your work so far! I'll have to check it out some more!

Author's note: It took a little longer because I'm making a new way of making headcanons, after completing all the orders this week I will upload the "first prototype" of this second way of making headcanons <3

By the way, anon, I actually feel comfortable writing any type of gender! It's just that sometimes I think I'm a bit ambiguous when I change the gender of the reader, but if you like it, then I'll just try to improve on that aspect!

Yandere! Rain x Male! Reader

First impressions

He met you when he was trained by Sindel; you were a healer whose skills were nationally recognized for the exceptionality of him; you could cure deadly diseases with inhuman ease.

You were also trained by Sindel, but there was something very different about you, something that caught everyone's attention.

Your pacifism.

Even in the most stressful situations, or with aggression involved, you never raised your voice, much less your hands.

You always preached peace, helping everyone who needed it.

At first, he had a lot of admiration for you. He tried to imitate your techniques sometimes, and he felt that you would be a great guide in his life.

Seeing his enthusiasm for learning, you approached him to accompany him in his training and give him all the information about the use of his type of magic.

Fall in love

He believed it was simple admiration, and in fact you did too, but there was something deep in your soul that doubted; When he followed you like a puppy follows its owner, you assumed it was out of admiration, but that thought that he was looking for something more was always there.

You looked for answers to that question; If you were religious, you went to your God to answer your questions, but if you were not, you looked for the answers in your teachers, in Sindel or in your teachers before her. But unfortunately for you, all of them doubted that Rain could wish any harm on you or those around you.

If he finds out, he would doubt it; Did he really look that scary in your eyes? No! He couldn't let someone like you be afraid of him!

He becomes visibly more intense, everyone notices it and especially you; He is kinder to everyone, but especially to you. He seems more desperate to try to please you, so much so that he even scares you, but he doesn't notice how scary he looks trying to please you.

Beginning of “Yanderism”

His desperation begins to consume him, do you know what is the worst thing that can happen to a man in love? That the person he adores so much is afraid of him.

And do you know what is worse for a man in that situation? Exact! May his despair over your approval cause him to start distrusting people; everyone except Sindel or anyone from the royal family was suspicious of your fear of him.

He thinks anyone could want to wash your head, your best friend? your family? or even unknown?

Any one of them could try to put fear into you, and he ends up hurting a lot of people trying to figure out the root of that fear.

Whenever he saw you he had the feeling that you were perfect in his eyes; You were always so kind, so gentle with all people, with an affinity for magic so miraculous and unique that… it seemed as if you had been born as a God.

But you were weaker than an average human; not only because of your soft personality, but also because the lack of physical training punished you with little possibility of defending yourself against an attack.

But it was okay… After all, they lived in a peaceful world, right?

Relationship or kidnapping

He is manipulated by Shang Tsung, made to believe that “his God” needed protection, that Sindel limited him so that both he and you remain under her command, that if he released all his power, he could defend you, he could keep you safe, protect you. and show you that you don't need to fear him.

It was easy for him to manipulate him, to make him believe that he just needed to work harder to be able to have you in his hands, and take care of you properly.

When Liu Kang himself announces the betrayal on the part of Shang Tsung and Rain, a part of you knew that it was inevitable that sooner or later he would seek more power through other means.

Late you realized that the perception that made you distrust Rain was due to his search for more power, you knew that it was going to be a matter of time before he sought to get out of the limit that Sindel established for him, to seek to break that limit and be able to have a lot of power. more strength than before.

And yet, when he broke in so he could talk to you, you tried to reason with him peacefully.

When you mentioned his mistake, he reacted badly; He tried to justify his decisions for you, mentioning that he did it for you, because he needed you, because he longed for you to understand him, but that wasn't the case.

When he tried to convince you, he went so far as to stand in front of you, on his knees, holding your hands and talking over and over again about how much he admired you, how much he needed you, how divine you were in his eyes, how much he loved you. I needed your presence in your life.

But you rejected it.

“When you make a decision, you must notice the consequences, and if you don't accept them, then you are not willing to mature” That's what you said.

You accepted that he chose a side, but as a consequence he lost you.

And the mere idea that you were going to leave his side ends up driving him crazy, and he ends up making that decision.

In case of kidnapping, where would he take you?

Currently I don't remember the name, but let's say it's where he hides with Shang Tsung temporarily.

And in the end, if we assume that he manages to take you to a secluded place between both worlds, managing to hide you from all the annoying crowds that dare to take you away from him.

Coexistence

He tends to be somewhat annoying, he usually insists on being on your lap or that you hug him, so much so that there comes a point where he stops insisting and just… does things without asking you.

And yes, he loves you to heal his wounds, so much so that he often hurts himself on purpose with knives or weapons that he doesn't know how to handle very well, he only knows that they hurt.

And obviously, because even with all the hurt he did to you, you loved him like a friend, you healed him.

Who knows? Maybe you'll end up being a great dad to… well.

Marriage and family.

He doesn't take marriage very seriously, but he would like it in a sense, in fact he thinks about it sometimes, but then he just forgets, later thinking that it's just a silly idea.

And your family… Well, he doesn't care, in fact he doesn't care almost at all about what your family wants for you; You are one of the best healers —not to mention the best he has ever seen and will see in his entire life— that he knows. It is obvious that you can make decisions for yourself! Of course, as long as he can keep you safe and avoid any “harmful” decisions for you.

In this case, would he adopt?

Yeah, especially if it's some mysteriously orphaned kid who needs two father figures who are also like them. I mean, with your knowledge of healing, and his knowledge of magic... I could be a great idea! He loves the idea that both of you offspring when it grows up will protect you from the same thing he does! Although he also wish they had their own life, you know… Yanderes stuff.

Bad ending

Worst case scenario, they find you; Mileena or others find your location, and try not to come to violence with him.

But Rain can't stand it, why are they doing this? Separate him from the love of his life? Of the only man who always treated him with all the respect in the world? Was this his fault for not protecting him well? Or for not being strong enough to protect you?

He gets carried away, and let's just say he ends up killing those who were actively seeking to "separate" him from his beloved healer.

He hopes that you will heal his wounds, so that he can take you away, to a place where you both can go and have your long-awaited happy ending, where you can both be happy without depending on any other being that feels the need to separate you.

But you refused, you shouted no, and you refused to treat his wounds. The main reason was obvious; he had chosen the most extreme and bloody path ever known to you or others.

He didn't take it well at all. Almost immediately, he uses his magic on you; he hurts you, hurts your skin and tears your clothes, threatening and screaming about what he was going to do to you and all your loved ones.

He threatens to end your life, to make you suffer if you don't cooperate with him.

In his mind, he thought that he had finally eradicated those who tried so hard to separate the two of them and keep him from his only source of happiness, and you were crying because you didn't understand that your happiness was worth a price, and that price was blood and life of others, and it was one that he was willing to pay thousands of times over to hold you in his arms, worship you and hold your face in his hands, so he could tell you how miraculous you are.

And it is after that threat that he releases you, abruptly releasing your body to the ground, almost compressing your bones; An extremely painful sensation ran through your body, one such that it only made you sob due to the pain. Even if you had never cried in your life, that strong, suffocating feeling had made your fear for him increase like never before.

Obviously after that you healed him, and told him you would never leave him.

After all, if he had damaged your bones like this just by letting go of you, what could he do if he really wanted to see you suffer?

Reasons to be Yandere:

-This greedy son of a bitch doesn't usually fall in love easily; Since he was too busy pursuing power, he thought he wouldn't have time to fall in love.

-He sees you as a great magician, a person whose abilities are so divine that you must be protected, you NEED his protection, he is not interested in what you tell him about that.

-When you are "playing" a powerful but physically weak character, it is inevitable that someone like Rain will feel intrigued by someone so powerful but at the same time so vulnerable to any attack.

Extra data:

-He doesn't think he's in love, you're just someone he admires a lot, I mean..., who wouldn't kill for someone that admires?

-He knows that his power is devastating, that's why he does everything possible to get along with you, but when he doesn't succeed… he gets frustrated, he gets so frustrated that he even thinks about it for several nights.

-I feel like he is someone who needs someone to tell him when to stop, and you are that someone, that someone who just drives his energy to an almost inhuman point, but it only focuses on loving you, pampering you and giving you everything you want.

-He usually has certain flashes of anger when Shang Tsung refers to you as an object to fulfill his dream, more than once he wanted to kick his ass, but there were more important things, at least for now.

-He usually comes to you when he needs advice or instructions on what to do with his life; After understanding that his quest for power was meaningless, he felt quite disoriented on how to love you correctly, on how to serve you as you wish.

#yandere #obsessive love #poppa thoughs #yandere x you #yandere male #yandere headcanons #poppa things #yandere mk1 #yandere imagines #yandere mortal kombat #Yandere rain #rain mk1 #rain mortal kombat #mk1 #mortal kombat #yandere mk1 x reader #male reader #x male reader #yandere male x reader

20 notes · View notes