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naeemajusthasthoughts · 2 days

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There is only me

“I want to write you a poem.”

There it was. Stuck in the middle of us. The happiness is just a moment and then your hand slides down to your side. I was hungry, I remember saying but you only stared. I wish I knew what you were thinking then but now I can only guess. That empty space seemed like the only place I found you in. I wanted to join you but your hands were too cold. There was nothing more to bring you in but the willingness to let go of my heart.

“Is that so?”

Can we begin again? Is that a valid question or do I need to explain myself once again? I could almost feel the heat of your body but still couldn't find the opportunity for myself to fall into it. I wished you pulled me into your hold. I would have forgiven every incident in the past. My mind would have made up excuses and I would have followed you to the end. There was nothing I wouldn’t have done just to feel close to you but still you were too far from me. Even as you stood in front of me.

“If Daniel says no, I would leave this place alone.”

There was no going back. I cannot unsee what I saw. There is only an empty house and the warmth has left you. It was so dull that my mind seemed to start to make believe. I needed to know how you felt that time but all I got was nothing but a house with no lights on. The dust settled as I walked in and the emptiness seemed like a new friend. Am I going crazy? Or am I just experiencing your emptiness for the first time?

“There is nothing that's keeping you here.”

You are the only man I ever wanted. There was no one before you and I doubt I want anyone after you. I didn't know I was not living until I met you. You opened my eyes to a whole new world. I was nothing, a speck of dust then you breathed life into me. Now I feel like I am drowning, packing your clothes in the laundry. If begging was an option would you hear me? Tell me how to live now without you with me? If I need to go on my knees would it show my sincerity?

“If I wait? Would you like to hear it?”

“It’s over…”

Fall in the depth of water. It is the only way I can feel like I am at home. The heat of my tears doesn't bother me, doesn't remind me of the heat you emitted with every hug you gave me. That crazy sound of your laugh doesn't comfort me anymore. Why am I alone? Let me hold the flowers and be perfect. Show the world that somehow I know how to be on my own. My crooked smile and the dead look of the eyes is nothing compared to what is going on in the mind. Is it really how it is supposed to be? A little weed pulled out and left to the wind.

“If I say no, would you listen to me?”

“Came back… don't you see…”

Peach blossoms are my favourite. A trip we planned left on the table unopened. The smell of that perfume you bought brings too many hurtful memories that get in the way. The touch of your cold hand doesn't hold mine like it used to. There is no company in the world that can replace you. This body has too many burdens to bear as I pack the last of your clothes in a bag that's going somewhere, nowhere that I can see. Is it alright if I keep this last t-shirt you wore? it still smells like you. It will be my last reminder of you.

“Goodbye I guess…?”

Words left unsaid. Heart burning. Nothing lurking. Flowers falling. That tree looks like it had enough. Reminds me of the last summer of you and me. Bring me peace and say it was all a joke. Lurking about in the garden. No herbs can heal this type of pain but still I am searching. Forgetting feels like a never ending hole. Is this what it feels like? Is this what it looks like? A deep abyss or is it a blackhole? My empty chest is quiet and the pain is numbing. This home is too suffocating.

“I am truly sorry. It wasn't supposed to be like this.”

“I know…”

One sentence. Eleven words. Fifty one characters. I don't think I saw it but it's too late now. Is this what it is supposed to be? Me staring in and my heart is missing. The police laughed when I phoned them but they didn't know. It was the last part of me to go. I think I heard the phone but it was deafening. The last light was the desperate plea of my brain holding me till you barged through the door. It was the last hope but you were not there. Just a reminder of how alone this life has become. Nothing but the numbing of once upon a time in love.

“It is okay. I am fine now. Go home.”

The conversation was officially done. The number disconnected to some. The trip is the last part that is shredded to parts. No goodbyes is ever as heart-warming as the goodbye of the person you love.

#writing #title

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naeemajusthasthoughts · 3 days

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Fragmentation

You want me to speak tell my story watch me bleed, though my silence tells it all You tell me you want to know me more, hiding the feelings within Your true face lost in countless memories cradled my mind in regret, but honestly if I truly spoke there would only ever be lies protecting the innocent mind. I lost myself somewhere in the essence of unused time, fought only for the crumbs of your love settled in the unknown lies. I don't think you ever wanted to know me My voice would be too damning.

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naeemajusthasthoughts · 12 days

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I want to rest

in the abyss

and forget how to live,

to begin and just forget

the exit to society.

#poetry #writing #new poets society #daily poem #poets on tumblr #female poets #orginal poem #poems and poetry #title #poems and quotes

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naeemajusthasthoughts · 24 days

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within my arms

I'll let you bleed

I'll let you seed

I'll let you heal

within my arms

I'll let you breathe

I'll let you free

I'll let you be

#poem #Thistouchedmyheart

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naeemajusthasthoughts · 26 days

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#poetry #writing #new poets society #daily poem #poets on tumblr #female poets #orginal poem #poems and poetry #title #poems and quotes

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naeemajusthasthoughts · 1 month

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Echoes

I think about it all the time the unresponsive fights and all the make believes I had to endure, dissociated from the storm I don't know you anymore. Perhaps in another life when life was much more simpler unimaginative, black and blue undercovered from all that was due, strayed from what was knew it became a life that dewed. There was no other time a tomb filled with all those lies and the grace of a grave that hole was made out of pain, truth and lies. They became my rain leaving out all those harsh thorns its pierced my heart, bleeding the lost cause dry. My faith died that day pushed me away, now, I have to do it all again.

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naeemajusthasthoughts · 1 month

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Poetry is the moment

when I try to hide so much love

deep in my soul

but my heart exposes

that secret.

#Poetry

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naeemajusthasthoughts · 1 month

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it is funny

how your perfect life

settled in my life,

took your time

to built it up

made sure I could see

so I have to feel

all those unpleasant emotions

at night.

its funny how I never once

searched you out

but there you are

innocently interwined

within mine

and I just hate your smile.

#poetry #writing #new poets society #daily poem #poets on tumblr #female poets #orginal poem #poems and poetry #title #poems and quotes #spilled ink #spilled poetry #spilled emotions #spilled feelings #sad poetry #my poerty #original poem #poetic stories #poeticstories

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naeemajusthasthoughts · 1 month

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#poetry

SILENT IS THE NIGHT.

Silent is the night,

when everyone's asleep,

No one hears my pain,

no one hears me weep.

Everyone's in dreamland,

and no one will ever see,

How lonely is my night,

how I ache to dream with thee.

@Ambrose Harte

@Scattered Thoughts

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naeemajusthasthoughts · 1 month

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To Coco (my 11 year old cat)

#my cat

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naeemajusthasthoughts · 1 month

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One summer's day

If there comes a day

when words aren’t strong

know that my heart still longs on,

your youthful face

still haunts me to this day

a smile, made this world okay

broke through, left things undone.

All I wanted in those moments

was to fall in your arms

seek the comfort my reins denied

let you hold me

till the sun dies,

but soon those dreams fades

the mind wakes up

and I am left in this reality alone

seeking for the day

that you’ll come back to me

on one summer’s day.

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naeemajusthasthoughts · 1 month

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too much red

fall as though it's rain

bring forth your uncouth love

spill it all over this terrain

leave and see the demons of your spawn

your soul was mine long before

you hated my breath

I'll never let you forget.

#love poem #poetry #writing #new poets society #daily poem #poets on tumblr #female poets #orginal poem #poems and poetry #title #poems and quotes #poeticstories #poetic #poem of the day #my poems #writing my heart out #hurtful #spilledink #spilled poem

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naeemajusthasthoughts · 2 months

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If I lose one day

know that it's not your fault.

My unhealthy mind

spread lies, suffocating the joy

in the small things

leaving nothing but bare surroundings

and my life was never mine

to begin with, my letter was

never addressed to you.

I miss that girl I use to be,

in your eyes I can see

you don't recognize

the monster that has eaten me.

Let that memory rest in your soul

and hold on it like the last note

For it will be the only one you'll ever have.

If I go, know it was never your fault.

I was just not meant for this world

It was frighten, cold and empty

A brittle smile could never make me whole,

just sustain the image of light.

It's time to let go

Feel what you need

love me like the girl I use to be

for my letter was never addressed to you.

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naeemajusthasthoughts · 2 months

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I never thought I was brave until she pointed out that I went to my abuser's funeral...

I never told her that I went out of fear to make sure that he is finally dead...

#writing #writing my thoughts

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naeemajusthasthoughts · 2 months

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I know that there is nobody

at times, I try not to let it get to me

my unspoken truths

lies beside me and

the only silence is the beating

of this torn heart.

It speaks of the misery

lost in the tomes

higher than the mountains of my own creating,

I sometimes found peace

in those many moments and

whisper the wishes

lost to me, as I walk

a path only I could see

imagining a place

that puts flowers to shame.

But those moments are rare and

I have only my heart to bare,

though, I know what's left of it

pieces of the truth

left inside this torturous mind,

that there is nobody and

I cannot bring myself

to make peace with it this time.

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naeemajusthasthoughts · 2 months

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I'm struggling

I don't know what to do

there are tears

and they are red.

Dripping down to my bone

I can't believe I just did it

a lonesome thought turned,

and I'm finally feeling.

I'm lonely.

The voices seems to

make sense, and giving in

feels like the only way to go

like this path was only meant

for me alone, and

no one can see the hurt

inside, I'm too good at that now

I'm falling into this black hole

my mind finally feels like my own

but there are tears

and they are red.

Dripping down to the bone

I can't believe this feeling

is the only thing that makes

me human.

No lies or truth

Just me and my being,

the unspoken, now the mind or the voices

has finally won.

#poetry #writing #new poets society #daily poem #poets on tumblr #female poets #orginal poem #poems and poetry #title #poems and quotes #fightingforme #Giving in #poetic stories #poetic #poeticstories #poetic thoughts #poeticstateofmind #dark poetry #deep poems

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naeemajusthasthoughts · 2 months

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I don't want to talk anymore

The hardships left the door

open, and I cannot seem to leave

just an never ending scene

of broken glass and black souls.

Somewhere mine left to be alone

but... there was no place to be free

only stiff boxes and empty glee

holed up traffic of non stop talking

about lost, or was it just desires

forgetting the wrongful criers.

They cannot see, a life and a hole

a grave with burried gold

It was in there that they

told me, sold the laughter

deep within me... replaced it

or perhaps filled it with lonely

now I am just empty.

I don't want to talk about it anymore

They slit out our tongues, and sold

it to the whole ones.

They deserved it after all

for broken things could never be fixed.

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