Long time no greetings from Coco. She turned 8 last Monday, I can't believe it.
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yesterday, annie and I had to make the difficult decision to put my dearly beloved childhood cat, annabell, to sleep. annabell was with me for eighteen years - since I was thirteen years old. I have so much to say about her that I'm going to put it under a cut for the sake of everyone's dashboards.
my aunt found annabell in a park when I was thirteen. or, more accurately, annabell found her. she walked right up to my aunt (and her german shepherd) and wanted to be taken home, so that's what my aunt (who had several cats and two dogs) did. my mom decided that it would actually be okay for me to have a cat after all, and she was with me for eighteen years after that. the only time we didn't live together was when I was in college and couldn't take her with me to the dorms/apartments.
she was kind of a bitch in the early days, to be honest. or at least, very strong-willed and sassy and not super cuddly. but when I was fourteen and my nana was in the hospital dying and I was crying all the time, she was sweet and snuggly to me. she was good to me when it mattered.
I thought for sure that I had lost her at least three times over the years. once, she got stuck in an attic crawlspace in my mom's house on christmas eve. I was understandably distraught, because we couldn't get her out. but then, on christmas day, she woke my mom up by yelling at her for food, having somehow figured out how to free herself.
she got also got trapped in a wall in my first apartment, and then went missing for twenty-four hours after having wandered out of my house when someone was moving in around 2020 or 2021. that was absolutely awful. she had already gone deaf by then, so even though my neighbors were super sweet and searched and called for her, I knew it was unlikely that she would turn up. then, the next day, my roommate and I were sitting in the living room and we heard this pitiful meowing. she had found her way back to our front porch and was sitting by the window outside. it had stormed the night before, and she was wet and matted and hungry but still very alive. after that, we got her a collar with a bell on it and a tag with her name and annie's phone number.
she mellowed out after she lost her hearing and became much more social, planting herself in the middle of parties and gatherings to take up space while sleeping. she got up into my lap sometimes, and while she wasn't exactly cuddly, she would sit there until I absolutely had to move her. she wouldn't take a hint or move when I changed positions - I had to physically remove her from my body.
she loved to go outside, even though she had been an indoor cat since my aunt found her in that park. we were planning on harness training her, but her joints became stiff and it got harder for her to walk and we had to move out of the house with the good backyard. she came with my to five different houses and apartments, with more and more moving in her later years. I am deeply sad that she will not be coming with me to my next apartment, or to wherever I eventually "settle down" (which will hopefully happen someday soon).
but she was sick, and had been for a long time. even though she was eighteen and had arthritis and respiratory problems that included a very upsetting cough, her sudden decline was surprising. within the past week, she lost her ability to jump, stopped eating independently (we fed her by hand), and completely lost control of her bladder. I picked her up and put her on the couch to sleep the last couple of nights so that she could be next to me. she couldn't come up on my bed to smack me in the face for food at 4am anymore (I would hear the jingling of her collar, then she would hit me in the face... jingle, smack. heavy breathing. smack.).
she was such a huge part of my life, and it even though she was doing very badly as of yesterday, I still had hope that we could give her meds and take her home so that she could pass here instead of at the vet's office. but that isn't how it happened. I hate that that isn't how it happened. we buried her in my mom's backyard because she loved to be outside and we don't have a backyard with real dirt right now and we'll be moving soon anyway. even though I know it isn't the case, I still feel like I let her down. leaving my mom's house still felt like abandoning her. I already miss her so, so much, and it's going to be very weird to live without her.
annabell, I loved you dearly. I still love you dearly. there is a hole in my heart where you were. you were a cat, but also a friend and a companion and the longest lasting relationship in my life outside of my (human) family members. we watched each other grow up for eighteen years. I will never stop grieving, even when I stop crying for you all the time, because that's how love works. I miss you, my old lady. goodnight.
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