#they think everything they do has to in some way benefit the artist and that is so messed up | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

writers-hes · 9 months

Text

tell me you need me (1 of 2) | c. berzatto x reader

It was good when you started but Carmen Berzatto had the ability to make anyone fall in love with him no matter how much you tried not to. (friends with benefits!carmen, smut, mndi!!!, unprotected p in v, smut! smut!, angst!! fluff, maybe some bad words, blood, unedited) MASTER LISTS

TAGLIST

I need you tonight. Want to go?

You sighed at the message that Carmy sent you. “Want to go” was a code for “I want to have sex.” and it’s been working pretty well for these past few months. You both needed some sort of release for the pent-up stress that you both have. Carmy, with the Bear and you, with art. You were a full-time artist; creating art inspired by food using oil paint and other forms of media. You’ve been stressed with your upcoming gallery opening next month. Would they love it? It’s quite hard to meet the expectations after winning the Herb Alpert Award in the Arts last year. It was close to Carmy’s James Beard Foundation award, if not the same. In a way, at the end of the day, you were two people excelling in your jobs except for everything else. You sucked at relationships, friendships, connection…what wasn’t artistic; you sucked at. Carmy was the same. Without thinking, you typed your response, a four letter word. Maybe you’ll see him tonight.

Carmy enters your home like he lived in it. He had his own set of keys, it was easier that way. He’s been so stressed with the Bear and the only thing that he needs is to blow off some of that steam before he can be functional again. There was supposed to be a celebrity who was wishing for a whole fucking kitchen tour tomorrow and he had to stay behind to make sure that everything was perfect.

“Hey,” he greets you when he sees you perched on your couch. He liked your apartment much better; at least you had multiple rooms and your own space. It’s not like his; there was work everywhere while yours felt homey. Except your studio down the hall—damn, how much do artists earn today?

“Hey,” you replied. “Did you have dinner yet? I can heat up some of the Chinese food I ordered earlier.”

“No, no. It’s alright,” he says, removing his shoes in the doorway. You were always so tidy and meticulous. No outside clothes on the bed; he had to learn that the hard way. “Actually, um, can-can I take a shower first? I want to wash the day away and I-I smell like the kitchen.”

“And you took the L,”

“Ubered here, actually.”

“Surge rates?”

“I was in a rush.”

“Oh,” you gulped. “Well, you still have your clothes in my wardrobe and your toiletries in my bathroom.”

“Which one?” he asked. “Which-which bathroom?”

“The one in my bedroom,” you replied. “You know where the fresh towels are. So…”

“Uh, yeah-yeah,” he says. “Thanks.” You only smiled at him. Conversation before your engagements are usually awkward because you both knew what the two of you were there for. It’s more comfortable afterwards; when he talks about the Bear or asks you about your art.

You and Carmy met from a friend of a friend. You were looking for chefs that could serve you inspiration for your paintings when she mentioned Carmen Berzatto. You reached out to him and he replied three months later, telling you that he can show you some of the recipes that he’s been working on. He’s an artist himself—Sistine Chapel art kind of stuff. He explained the components of his dish over dinner in your hotel apartment in New York. You mentioned that you were from Chicago and he mentioned that he’s from Chicago too…you drank too much wine and the rest was history.

You both stopped communicating when he met Claire but he reached out again, asking if you wanted to meet. He told you all about her and how he fucked up. You drank too much wine again. History has the habit of repeating itself.

You swore to never fall in love with Carmen Berzatto and you didn’t…not until recently. He used to leave immediately once you’re both done. Lately, he’s been staying over. He talks to you about everything. He stays over and wakes you up with coffee and some Michelin Star quality pancakes or French toast. He watches you take your first bite before he takes his, likes to watch your reaction and likes hearing your praise.

You were too lost in your reviere to notice Carmen walking to you, all fresh and clean. He lays a hand on your shoulder and kisses your neck.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks, voice deep and sultry.

“You,” you replied, reaching up to massage his curls.

“Good,” he says, removing himself from you and sitting on the opposite side of the couch. “Needed you today…but I want to talk first before…before…”

“That’s fine with me,” you replied, inching closer to him. “What’s wrong?” He puts his hand on your knee, squeezing it lightly. Since when was he so comfortable around you?

“I…I just… Mikey,” The name lingers heavy in the air. Anytime Carmen feels the crushing weight of the pressure, he says Mikey. Whenever he feels inadequate, not enough, never enough—he says Mikey.

“He’ll be proud of you, Carm,” you said, smiling at him. “Like everyone else is.”

“I’m sorry for not inviting you to the opening…Claire was-was there and…”

“I understand,” You put your hand over his to reassure him that everything’s okay. “I understand.”

“You wouldn’t have seen me,” he chuckled. “I was locked inside the walk-in the whole time and well, everything was great. What if I’m not needed?”

Is it too late for me to love you?

“Carm…” you trailed off, trying to find the words. “Of course, you’re needed. The Bear wouldn’t be The Bear without you, you know? Your family must be so proud of you because I know that-that I am. I’m so proud of you and I-I need you so much,” you told him. “I need you, Carmen. More than you could ever know.”

Is it too late for me to love you?

Maybe it was the words that you said, maybe it was the long forgotten show on the T.V., maybe it was because the T.V. screen illuminated your face in a way that was so, so beautiful. Maybe it was just him.

“Let’s go to bed,” he rasps, taking your hand and dragging you to the bedroom. Once he closes the door behind him, Carmy presses you against it, taking your chin and kissing you. It was slow and needy; this kiss was needy. You trail your hand underneath the white shirt that hugged his figure. You caress his sides up and down; softly; slowly and Carmen releases a whimper into your mouth. I need you. I need you. I need you.

“Baby,” he whispers, pulling away from you to remove his shirt. “Baby, baby, baby.”

“I need you, Carmen,” you muster the courage to kiss his neck now, sucking and nipping right under his collarbone. He lets you do it, he lets you mark him like you own him. He tugs on the roots of your hair lightly. You lick the purple bruise, nipping it again just so it could last one more week. Carmen was sighing above you, letting you take him like he wanted to be taken. His hands itch, slipping right under the waistband of your panties to cup your heated cunt. “Carmy,”

“I know, baby. Let’s get you to bed, hm?” he asks, pushing you slightly. “Lay down for me. I missed you so much. Let me show you,”

You obey his commands, opening your legs widely like he likes. He crawls until his face is right in front and removes your underwear, tossing it to the side. He’ll take care of that later.

“You’re so wet,” he groans, when he lets his index finger trail along your slit. You buckle in need; silently begging him to do more. “So, fucking wet,” he repeats, parting your folds until he sees your glistening cunt.

“Carm…” you whine. He spits on your clit and you whimper.

“Let me taste you, hm?” you heard him say, his wandering fingers rubbing all sorts of shapes on your folds. You could only nod and he takes that, licking a bold stripe. You press your cunt against his tongue and he just takes it. He licks a few more stripes before sucking your clit softly.

“Carmy,” you moan. Your hands trail down underneath your shirt, thumbs softly flicking your sensitive nipples. Carmy could just come at the sight of you playing with them but he holds back, sucking your clit harsher before plunging his thick middle finger inside you. “Oh, fuck,”

He pumps the finger slowly…in, out, in, out while he licks your sensitive bud.

“Fuck, Carmy,” you whimper. “Fuck me,”

“Later,” was his nonchalant reply; enjoying the sweet nectar that dripped from your sloppy pussy. It was better than any dessert he’s ever had before. If it was um to him, he’d have his head buried in between your legs, eating you out forever. You buckle again, pinching your nipples hard and tugging them.

“Carm…”

“I know, I know,” he says, sucking your clit harshly for one last time before crawling on top of you. “Taste,” he orders. You obliged, opening your mouth and putting on a show with the way you licked your juices off of his finger. “Fuck,” he groans. He palms himself through his boxers while you sucked on his finger. You released it with one last suck before putting your hand on top of Carmy’s to feel his hardening cock underneath. You push his hand away while you squeeze his member lightly. Just enough for him to rut his hips against your hand. Just enough for him to toss his boxers to the side.

You tried to sit up to see him pump a few strokes, moaning your name while he did. He gets off the bed, looking at the way your body moved while you breathed.

“Beautiful,” he whispers to himself before dragging your body to the end of the bed. He pries your legs open and puts one of them over his shoulder. He liked it like this, it fills you up in ways you cannot describe. “Need you to play with your tits while I fuck you, hm?”

He taps his cock against your pussy.

“Can you hear how wet you are?” he asked, sliding his cock in between your folds. You could feel the protruding vein run along your nub and you moan, massaging your breasts to show him your obedience. “Fuck,”

“Carmy…” you whimpered. “Please.”

He hums, grabbing his member and teasing your wet entrance with his pink tip. “You’re so…”

With no warning, Carmy plunges deep into you and you both groan. You were waiting for this. He’s been wanting this the whole day. He stays there for a few seconds before he thrusts in and out of you slowly.

“Fuck,”

The slopping noises inside your room reverberated in your walls and for a few moments, the sounds of your groans and skin slapping against skin heightens your arousal. Carmy thumbs your clit and he feels your walls clench around him.

“Don’t do that, petal,” he rasps, sweat dripping on his forehead. “I’ll cum fast if you do.”

“Sorry,” you choked out. He only grunts as he adjusts his pace. He was faster now and you could hear he ragged breathing. “Carmy, I need you.”

“Y-you need me,” he repeats to himself. “You need me.”

“I do,” you told him, moaning when he plunges his cock deep inside you. “Need you, need you,”

“Oh, fuck,” he groans. “Tell me that you need me. Tell me,”

“I need you, Carmy,” you whine. “I need you to cum inside me,”

Carmy’s eyes widened. You’ve never let him do that before. He always had to pull out or use a condom.

“Want me to fill you up?” he asks, his voice strained. “I’ll fill you —oh, fuck,”

“Yes, please,” you sobbed, breath hitching at the feeling of his cock twitch inside of you. “Fuck, Carmy.”

Sex has never felt this good.

You could feel the breaking point come nearer and he does too. His movements were sloppier, his breathing even more ragged that it was. Your walls were clenching around him but that seemed to arouse him even more.

“Fuck, fuck,” he grunted. “I’ll fill you up, hm?”

“Yes, please, Carmy,” you whine. He could only nod, doing his best to keep his orgasm at bay. He wanted to prolong this feeling; this emotion but he couldn’t. “Fuck, Carmy, I’m cumming, I’m cumming. Carm—oh!”

He follows soon after, moaning your name as he shoots ropes of cum inside your pussy. He could feel your walls clench around him and he thrusts in slowly, to ride both of your orgasms away.

“You-you liked that?” he asked. He doesn’t pull out. Instead he takes your other leg and hangs in on his shoulder. “We have to make sure that not a drop goes to waste.”

You nodded and felt his hands caress your legs slowly. He slowly lays your legs back down on the bed and crawls on top of you, kissing your torso, neck, and your chest while he did.

“Stay there,” he ordered and you nodded in assent. You just let him cum inside you. He walks over to the carafe on your bedside, filling the glass with water and then, taking a hand towel from your cabinet. He pours a little bit of the liquid onto the towel. You sit up when he wordlessly gives you the glass of water. He watches you finish it and kisses your head when you gave him the glass back. He sets it on the floor carefully before opening your legs so he could clean you up.

“No,” you shook your head and he stops, alert because you told him no. “I’m…I’m still sensitive,”

“Okay, petal,” he nods, taking the glass and the towel away. He picks up the tossed articles of clothing puts it in the laundry basket. He was quiet when he takes a fresh set of pyjamas and underwear from your wardrobe. “Raise your arms,” he says and you do. He puts a new shirt on you. “Lay down.” You followed him. He puts a new pair of panties on you. “Thank you,”

You were so tired now but you were still so aware of Carmy’s actions. He stands up from the bed to wear new clothes and sits down on the bed. He carefully places your head on his lap and plays with your hair.

“Thank you,” he says, bowing down to kiss your forehead. “Why don’t you sleep for me, hm?”

“Will you be here when I wake up?”

“Waffles or pancakes?”

“Waffles with whipped cream.”

Why won’t you let me love you?

There were times when you’d fight with Carmen. A disagreement over something so, so, so small. This time, it was big. It was the opening of your gallery and he promised to be there. It was a big night—multiple art collectors and mongers from all over America came to see your latest pieces. They were all inspired by the food you grew up eating in Chicago; a collection of how culture, identities, and personalities affect eating. Your paintings were in vibrant colors—cup ramen with cheese, cannoli, food that you grew up eating whenever your mom was away. There were small details on the significance of the new collection to your life and he wasn’t there. You were on the stage, telling everyone how grateful you were to the audience but you were preoccupied, looking for a familiar mop of curls in the crowd. He didn’t come. He didn’t go.

You smiled at them half-heartedly before leaving the stage, ready to be whisked away by some art dealer. You were whisked away by multiple guests, asking you for more details on the painting. You all told them everything they needed to know, what they should do if they’d like to make a purchase…

It would have been alright if he texted you…but he promised he’d be there. He promised he’d take you home. He promised.

Carmy was sitting alone in his apartment. He left The Bear earlier than usual and went straight home. He did it all, shower, put a nice suit, and fix his hair. He did it all, he even ran to the nearest florist to buy you flowers but he didn’t go.

Isn’t this what lovers do?

He wasn’t your lover. He couldn’t let himself be distracted again. He had to focus; he couldn’t fail the people that relied on him. He looked at the bag of groceries he got from the store; he was supposed to cook you something special tonight. Have you eaten yet? Fuck the suit that he paid for dry cleaning; fuck the flowers; fuck him. It must have hurt you—he knows that. Tonight was a big night and you were so excited to show him a painting that you’ve been working on.

“I won’t sell it,” you told him. “I’ll have it shipped to you first thing in the morning.”

Would you still send it to him?

By the end of the night, you were exhausted. Happy, but exhausted. It was normal; talking to everyone and being scintillating the whole night was work but it was worth it. Your paintings all had their new owners, except for the painting that you promised to Carmy. Would he still want it? You were alone in the studio, wrapping the 4 by 3 foot canvas with the best quality glassine. You were giving this to him tomorrow. If he doesn't want to have it, you’ll probably just donate it somewhere else.

You laid awake in your bed all night long, waiting for his text. It was funny, just last week he was begging you to tell him that you needed him but when you needed him most, he wasn’t there.

You arrive at The Bear just before it opens, the big canvas tucked under your arm. He was sure to be there and had always told you to use the back door if you weren’t dining. You always obliged, of course, opening the backdoor to reveal everyone. You’ve met Sydney and Richie before but you haven’t met the others yet. You were an alien in an unknown world; Carmy’s employees looking at you, as if wondering who this girl was.

“Hey,” Sydney greeted, looking at the glassine covered thing that you were carrying. “Didn’t know you were coming in today. Congratulations on your exhbit,”

“Yeah, Congrats. What’s that, sweetheart?” Richie asked.

“Oh,” you just nodded. Carmy couldn’t even look at you. “I just came here to give this to…uh, Carmy,” you cleared your throat. “Carm…?”

“Uh, yeah-yeah,” he stuttered. “Can we go to the office?”

“Sure.”

You followed him into the office while Richie tells everyone to go back to what they were doing. Your heart was hammering inside your chest, afraid that this was going to be another one of those petty fights that you’ve had with him.

You were wrong. So, so wrong.

“You didn’t come last night,” you told him, shielding yourself from him with the painting. “I…I waited.”

“Sorry,” was his laconic reply. You nodded, chuckling.

“That’s all?” you asked. “Just…sorry? No explanation, no nothing?” you asked. “I was looking for you the whole night, Carm. You promised you were coming,”

“I don’t know what-what you want me to say,” he says, looking everywhere but at you. “I-I-I’m sorry, okay? I had other plans.”

“You promised months ago that you were coming,” you repeated. “I called Sydney last night because you weren’t answering and she told me that you left early.”

“You’re spying on me now?” he asks, suddenly defensive. “I had things to do that night. I can’t-can’t just put everything on hold for-for you.” He spits his words like venom, voice getting louder with every word.

You frowned, not recognizing who the boy was in front of you. It’s not like you asked him to put his life on hold. Your heart was beating so fast in anger, ears ringing.

“I see. So you just need me around and you-you just I don’t know, call me because you need to get your dick wet?” you asked, matching his volume. “You just need me around when no one else is there to fuck you? Is that it?” you asked. “What the fuck?”

Carmy blinks, tries to think of the words he’s about to say but he couldn’t stop himself. He could never seem to stop himself.

“You’re the only one desperate enough to do so,” he shrugs. It breaks your heart in pieces, really. The nights Carmen spent nuzzling his head in your shoulder before you slept probably meant nothing to him. Your face falls, contorting in hurt at what he just said. Fuck Carmen Berzatto. Fuck him. “I’m not your fucking boyfriend. I don’t know why you expect me to just-just-just do something!”

“Maybe I wanted you there as my friend!” you shouted over. Your voices could be heard from outside but everyone else pretended like they weren’t listening to anything that you both were saying. You were shouting over each other now, the fuse just breaks. “If you didn’t have any fucking plans to actually go, then don’t give me your good for nothing fucking promises!”

“I don’t need a girl leeching on me when I’m opening a fucking restaurant. Do you want me to put everything on you just because you asked me to? I’m not your fucking boyfriend. You know that right? And maybe-maybe I don’t want to be your fucking friend either!”

“Why would I want you to be my boyfriend, Carmy? You’re-you’re fucking unreliable! You have issues that need fixing. You think Claire could fix that? You think I could fix that? You think the girls you get wrapped around your fucking finger can fix your fucked up fucking head? Huh? Is that what you think? You’re so fucking miserable you make everyone around you miserable! Grow up!” He’s hurt. That’s what you thought of him? That he was miserable? Did he make you miserable?

“I don’t need to go to your fucking art exhibition when they’re all fucking shit.”

You closed your mouth before you could protest. The pain of his words felt like a slap on the face. If he regretted it, he didn’t show it. You turned away, nodding.

“Fuck you, Carmen. Don’t fucking call me. Don’t fucking knock on my door. Don’t…don’t fucking think of me. I’m fucking done with you,”

“Yeah? You’re done with me, huh? Fuck you,” he spits back. He heard the waver in your voice; heard how you tried to steady everything. He wanted to say sorry but you were already leaving. Richie and Sydney couldn’t even ask you what happened because you were rushing out, throwing the painting you worked hard on for days at the back. Fuck Carmen Berzatto. Fuck him.

“Fuck!” his chefs could hear from outside the office. Everyone heard the vile things you both screamed at each other; everyone heard why you were so angry. Everyone fucking heard. Nobody dared to move, they didn’t want to be on the receiving end of Carmy’s anger; not when The Bear was about to open. Continuous loud bangs and sounds of some object being thrown were heard too. Sugar sighed.

“Carm?” she called from the door. “It’s almost opening,”

“I-I-I know, Sug.” he replied, blinking. “Uh, can-can you guys go ahead? I’ll be there, I just-just need to you know, calm down?”

“Okay, Bear,” she smiles, tapping the door frame before leaving Carmen in his own thoughts. He gets out of the restaurant through the back door, about to light a cigarette, when he sees the canvas wrapped with glassine.

“Fuck,” was the only thing he could mutter before taking it and sitting where the staff usually stayed at when they wanted a break. He lights up a stick and lets it hang loose on his lips while he opens your gift with shaky hands. He was so immersed in the experience, gently removing the tape and making sure that nothing was ruined that he didn’t notice Sydney.

The glassine reveals a painting of a plate of cannolis. He remembered that he told you the story about cannolis during Christmas and how he wanted to recreate that—take it for himself. He traces over the precise brushstrokes shakily.

“That’s a good painting,” Sydney spoke, her hands behind her back. “Would be a waste to just throw it out.”

“I know,” Carmy nods. “I’m sorry you had to uh, hear all of that.”

“It’s…something,” Sydney replied, making Carmy chuckle.

“I always…always seem to uh, fuck up everything,” he muttered. “I was on the way there, you know? Last night?”

“Yeah. You were so excited,”

“I was,” he coughed. “But I didn’t go because…” Words died down in his mouth. Why didn’t he go? “I’ve said some things and she-she doesn’t want me to call her anymore and I-I understand but like, I don’t know, Syd.”

Don’t know why I could never seem to just let myself enjoy things. I don’t belong anywhere else but in the fucking kitchen. It’s the only thing I was good at.

“I didn’t really want to to, uh, fuck this up.”

I want to talk to you.

Come to my apartment after your shift. Or whenever.

Carmen feels his palms sweat when he reads texts you sent him days ago. He decided to go today, finally—he was never good at confronting things; always so explosive, so defensive. He didn’t know what he’d feel like today. He knocks on your door and hears the shuffling from the other side. He just got out of The Bear; he was tired but he forced himself to go. He had to go.

“Hey,” you smiled tightly when you opened the door. “Come in.”

He nods, wordlessly entering your apartment like how henused to. Bag and shoes on the side. Somehow, this made him more nervous than usual. This was a prelude to something else entirely; he believed that.

“How are you? he asked, voice small and looking down.

“I’m…good,” you replied, looking away. “You?”

“Busy,” he replied. The air felt heavy and his palms were sweating. “I’m…I’m sorry for not being there when I promised you that I would,”

“Why weren’t you there, Carm?” you asked and he could hear the sadness in your voice. He knew that your exhibit meant a lot to you. “You…you told me you will and well, you were…the-the person I want to be there the most.”

“I didn’t know that. I’m- I’m sorry,” he shrugged. “But why? I mean, I-I don’t know art. I like my shit but I-I’m not cool or understand—“

“Because I like you, Carmy.” you told him, looking at him now and trying to go nearer. He stepped back and you stopped your tracks.

“You—what?” he asked, shaking his head furiously; like your confession offended him. “You…like me.”

“I do,” you nodded. “But…it doesn’t matter.”

“Fuck. How many times do we have to go back to this very same place for you to understand?” he asked, running a hand through his hair. He told you before that he didn’t want to date. You told him you understood. You told him he was being egotistic when he told you not to get attached. He wanted to leave. He didn’t expect this to happen—he didn’t want this to happen. “I don’t—I don’t—“

“Carmy,” you cautioned him, trying to ease your beating heart. “Can you listen to me? I-I-I like you, okay and I’ve been thinking about it too. I’m—you’re always staying behind after sex and well, I just maybe thought that you liked me too.” You replied, swallowing his rejection for now.

“I don’t,” he snaps, tone sharp. “We’ll both be miserable in a relationship. I’ll never make-make you happy. You’re right, you know? I’m unreliable and-and-and issues that I need to fix…and I’m not the one you’re looking for,”

“I’m sorry for saying that. It wasn’t my place to do so,” was your meek reply. How does he feel so far away when he feels so, so, so close?

“No, uh,” Carmen blinks, shaking his head. “It’s fine. I-I-I needed to hear those things, you know? I’m sorry too…for everything.”

“Thank you.”

“That’s it then?” he asked. He was distressed. How could he fuck this up after telling Sydney that he didn’t want to fuck things up with you? “I…I had fun,” You were the only one who kept me afloat when everything else turned to shit. I missed you when we stopped talking. I should have fought harder. What else could I have done?

“Fun,” you chuckled bitterly. “Fun…that’s the only thing you’re going to say to me?”

Carmy frowned.

“What else did you want me to say?”

“I don’t know, Carmy!” you exclaimed, pacing back and forth but never towards him. “God! Tell me that I’m important to you. Tell me that I’ll still be your friend…tell me that you—that you—that I mean more than a fuck!”

Silence. Carmy couldn’t find the words to tell you what you truly meant to him…that he wanted what you wanted too but he was too scared to fuck it all up again like he did with Claire.

You nodded, looking away. You breathed in deeply, as if trying to relieve yourself of the hurt. That’s all you’ve ever meant to him.

“You lead me along and it’s fine. I know that it’s my fault for wanting other things but at least…at least tell me that I’ll still be your friend; that I still matter to you even if I dug myself a hole by feeling things. Tell me that you still need me to put everything on hold for you because I’ve been waiting you to call me all day…”

“I don’t want you to do that. I don’t want you putting your life on hold for me,” he rasps. “I don’t…”

“But what if I wanted to?” you asked, face slightly contorted because you didn’t want to be so vulnerable in front of him. Not when he hasn’t told you what you wanted yet. Carmy was just looking at you, tapping his foot on the floor. It was a nervous habit that he developed. Fuck, he needed a cigarette.

“Can you, uh, leave?” you asked, voice low. “I…”

“No, no, no,” he begs, rushing towards you. He grabs a hold of your elbows to remind you that he was there. Would it mean anything? Would his touch convey all of the words he wanted to say?

“Carm…” your voice breaks. “Carm…”

“No, no. You’re not just that to me,” he reassures “But you have to understand that-that I can’t love you like that.”

“Carmen, please…” you beg, tears brimming in your eyes. “Please…just, just leave,”

You’ve never asked him to leave before but it seemed like it was what you really wanted—like it was what you really needed. He nods, kissing your head softly before detaching himself from you.

“I’m sorry,” Carmy said. “For-for not saying the right, uh, things.”

“Yeah,” you nod, hiding yourself from him. He hated that you had to do that when you’ve cried on his shoulders multiple times. He never liked seeing you cry; he just didn’t know that one day, he’ll be on the receiving end of your sadness. He watches you rub your forehead, biting your lip to stop yourself from crying. If you started crying, would he stay?

It’s been months since Carmy left. He’s been in his best form in the kitchen. He was making things easier for his staff; he was working twenty four hours a day. Going to The Bear early to help with prep; staying late to help them clean after a long shift of cooking and cooking and kitchen tours. He’s been getting acclaim—more acclaim, really. There was a waiting list on his restaurant and positive reviews from left and right flooded in. The Bear was dubbed as “The Restaurant of the Year” in Chicago despite being less than a year old.

He’s been doing good—perfect.

It was like he was a hamster in a fucking wheel with no other way to escape. He likes putting himself in gear, like driving fast because it makes him believe that nothing really hurts him. He didn’t like being at home; it reminded him too much of you. It reminded him of when you’d lean on the kitchen counter, a small smile on your lips while you watched him cook you something. He didn’t like sitting on the couch because it reminded him of when he slept with his head on your lap. He didn’t like it in his bedroom because he’s reminded of that night when you pulled him closer in your sleep. He didn’t like The Bear because the painting that you gave him hung so proudly by the dining area. It was marvellous—they said. How was he able to get a painting that you did when your art was so valuable and in demand?

He was moving so fast so you wouldn’t cross his mind but it seemed like no matter what he did, he'd end up thinking about you anyway.

It didn’t matter, how come a fall like that made him feel like flying? Maybe he’s waiting for it to hit him but he was feeling alright.

He was alright.

“Chef!” Sydney called, looking at Carmen who was chopping the vegetables like a madman. “Carmen!”

“Fuck, what, Sydney?!” he asked, slamming his knife on the counter.

“You’re bleeding,” Marcus told him and Carmen looked down, blood was all over the chopping board. “You’ve been bleeding for a few seconds now…we’ve all been calling your name, Chef.”

“Fuck, I-I-I’m…” Carmen was a blubbering mess, just watching his hand bleed like it didn’t matter. “I’m-I’m,”

“Take a break, Carm,” Sydney says but her partner just shakes his head. “Carm—“

“Sydney, don’t—don’t make me take a fucking break, please.”

“You’ll need to clean up and make sure there’s no more blood,” Sydney told him. “I’m not fucking around,”

“Yeah,” he nods, putting his fist over his heart and drawing circles. Sydney nods and Carmy fixes his station.

He couldn’t stop shaking, though. Even Tina saw how his hand trembled. What the fuck?

“Carmen,”

“Yeah…just…just give me a second, please.” he nods, picking his knife again and doing everything perfectly. Like clockwork. He’s back. He’s back. He’s fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m alright.

PART 2

AN: Thank you for the love! This is going to be a two-part fic because I love how everything is right now… Don’t forget to comment / reblog if you like it! I read every single little thing you guys type…even the hashtags.

TAGLIST: @kpopgirlbtssvt @morgthemagpie @hal3ynicol3 @1800-queen-trash

#carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto angst #carmen berzatto smut #carmen berzatto fluff #carmy berzatto x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #carmen berzatto fanfiction #carmen berzatto #angst #smut #fluff #the bear #the bear fx #carmy berzatto smut

3K notes · View notes

ozzgin · 2 months

Note

Hello.

Do you think I can request headcanons for Nakamaro ?

Like in an alternate route, reader and him (he's in his twenties because... magic ?) are married and reader is pregnant.

But the funny thing is, Nakamaro can't bully the yokais because reader will exorcise him each time he tries.

Aaaaah I finished writing and only afterwards it occurred to me you might've wanted a modern day reader for this. 😭 I imagined the events in his own timeline. Oh well. I think it can work both ways. Just replace the ancient pouch with, I don't know, a visa card that he throws at your parents for wife payment.

Yandere! Onmyōji x Reader

Yokai Harem AU as the wife of Abe no Nakamaro, a legendary sorcerer and collector of yokai. Although you're not quite as powerless as to not keep his cruelty under control.

Content: female reader, arranged marriage, mentions of pregnancy

[Main Story] [Character Guide]

Your family had vehemently opposed the marriage. To think their one and only daughter would fall into the hands of such a cruel man. The famous Abe no Nakamaro, descendant of Abe no Seimei himself, has quite a contradicting reputation. He has saved many lives, cured countless illnesses, protected villages from monsters and brought peace to the land. Yet many have also witnessed his ruthless nature: the arrogance he has towards humans, the disdain and utter disgust he harbors towards demons. He is quick to punish, rarely forgives, and never forgets. The yokai he’s captured under a binding contract are kept on a leash, like cattle before slaughter.

It is this man who approached your parents one day, when you were still young, demanding your hand. He claimed you had special powers and a lot of potential under the right guidance. Such spiritual prowess would waste away in a family of plebeians. You don’t remember much of the discussion, only the expressions: the man’s mocking grin as he threw a pouch fattened with coins, the frown of your parents who wanted to refuse, the uneasy, grim eyes of the horned demons brought to intimidate. It was clear they were there against their will. One will find just how difficult it is to go against the wishes of the onmyōji, and you happened to be his most ardent desire. Thus, with a heavy heart, you’d been sent away with the stranger who promised you were to live a life of luxury. One your parents could never afford.

True to his word, you have not struggled since. In Akutagawa’s short masterpiece, Hell Screen, artist Yoshihide is wicked and vicious towards everything and everyone except his beloved daughter. Similarly, the sorcerer seems to have a soft spot for you in particular. He often praises your talent, and patiently caters to your whims without complaint. You once inquired about it yourself, as the idea weighed heavily on your mind: why is it that he does not show the same hostility towards you? He stared at you as if you just grew two more heads. "You're my wife. What else is there to question?"

This favoritism, however, is to the benefit of everyone. Especially to the yokai under his command. You've grown rather fond of the demons in your years spent alongside them, and they've quickly learned that your presence means safety from any punishment. Some need reassurance more than others. To these you've even begun to feel like a motherly figure, shielding them from the wrath of an unforgiving master. At last, an authority even Abe no Nakamaro himself can't disobey: the word of his wife.

And soon enough, as if your marriage wasn't already the ultimate argument, you welcome the return of your husband with the news he's always longed for: you are the soon-to-be mother of his child. His name has just been guaranteed to continue its course through time. To say he is elated is an understatement. You've only seen him smile so genuinely once before in your life, on your wedding day.

"Can you imagine the powers this child will command?" He muses, referring most likely to the fact you've both been blessed with an innate, unmatched talent in onmyōdō. You finish rolling the parchment paper and gently tap his head with the scroll in a scolding manner. "You better not burden the kid with your bizarre expectations!" The same man feared throughout the country is chuckling apologetically at your gesture. "As the Mother says."

#yandere #yandere yokai harem #yokai harem #yandere onmyoji #yandere x reader #yandere x darling #yandere x you #yandere male #yandere headcanons #yandere imagines #yandere scenarios #yandere oc x reader #yandere oc #female reader

503 notes · View notes

scuopsie · 2 years

Note

i usually keep my freak outs in the tags! rarely do i comment on the post directly in a reblog. i understand both sides though. for me, as a fic writer, i love feedback and reading someone’s thoughts. it doesn’t matter where they’re shared. this is the first time i’m hearing about accounts being blocked for this though. wow :o but valid. freedom to block whoever you want. i’m also not sure why i said reblogs specifically because sometimes i’ll make my own posts and end up talking to myself lol.

also, there’s definitely been a change with reblogging. it’s so evident and sad tbh. i’ve been on tumblr since 2014/15 and started writing fics in late 2016. however, i wrote for two other fandoms before discovering kpop, so i totally saw everything you said about interactions, discourse, huge accounts, relationships between mutuals etc, but in other spaces. it’s also interesting to read what you wrote about people heading to twitter. i’ve see the exact kind of posts you mentioned there, but i didn’t consider they might’ve left tumblr. the shift is also obvious when you see someone in your notifs who doesn’t have any reblogs. do you block those accounts? i never have, and idk if i should.

(that is another can of worms indeed. i used to be active on the shawn mendes side of tumblr (yikes lol🥴) and i remember feeling so intimidated by certain blogs. i feel that way a little bit now, but it’s no comparison to how it used to be)

cheers to all those anons. y’all amused the hell out of me. i still see some with similar energy these days… oh nostalgia

please... don't even get me started on fics... i never posted my fics on tumblr (onyl links to them) but even on Ao3 it's pretty much dead... if i didn't love writing so much I would never waste a second of my life writing with the number of feedback ppl nowadays give to ff authors. which is very little. yeah... some blogs were really weird about it. believe it or not one time a blog vague posted about me because I had tagged someone under their post (it was fantaken pics) and then they went on and on about how tagging ppl under their post messed with their notes. they were so rude... I ended up blocking them. like nope. i do not want that energy on my dash idc how many followers u have. but yeah personally I don't think that's something anyone really has the right to be mad about. this is a free website and people are free to do whatever they want (so long as it doesn't include any female body parts ofc *clown emoji*) and even if it mildly annoys me I never get that heated up over it and I definitely don't block bc of it slflsd

yeah I remember how intimidating big accounts used to be... and it feels like a lifetime ago when u think about it... maybe some people just... idk, grew out of the phase? I don't want to believe that ppl who used tumblr for years would move to twitter. it makes no sense. there are definitely people who just found other interests and left and thats normal. what's not normal is those people not being replaced... this stuff usually happens in a cycle. some people leave and some more join but I don't see anyone new around here. seriously, do u know a stan account who is new? literally everyone I know here has been here since I joined this fandom if not earlier.

edit: I forgot to answer to this one!!! abt empty blogs, I don’t usually check the blogs in my notes unless they look really sketcy (/are obv a p08n bot) but ive definitely seen blogs that are completely empty and even have the default icon and stuff. i usually leave them along and give them the benefit of the doubt. maybe they’re fans who don’t want to be active and post stuff and just want to consume and keep up with their faves.

#there's no way to know how many of ur followers are still active sadly #but i can confidently tell u that I got at least twice as much interaction last year when i had about half the amount of followers as now #if u go to my archive last year and filter 'ask' tag there will be A LOT of asks in each months archive #now? maybe 2-3 a month #and it's not like our ult aren't active #when i was a vixx stan blog vixx were active for about 2-3 months in totall in the 2 years i stanned them #and we still had a TON of interactions with our moots and the big accs #starlights would make content from old videos even when there wasn't any new content and we always had so much to make discourse about #monsta x too has so much content that if they stopped releasing content right now we'd still have years worth of content to talk about #they have SO MANY VARIETIES ITS INSANE #as i mentioned the other day i blame this on streaming culture too #people literally don't know how to have fun #they think everything they do has to in some way benefit the artist and that is so messed up #ask #anon

1 note · View note

thatdogmagic · 1 year

Text

Remember this smug as hell post?

Well, keep it in mind.

I'm going to give some people here the benefit of the doubt and go into this post with the assumption that they genuinely don't know how fucking awful the Tumblr """"porn filters"""" are for images deemed - or reported by users as - 'NSFW.'

This is a rehash of everything I wrote out before, but it's going over all of it in one big post, because this issue with community labels moves well beyond debates over what is and isn't NSFW. There are doublestandards within doublestandards, and no way at all for artists and creators to know for sure if their post is going to get blacklisted.

We're not merely talking about the fact that these filters exist. We're talking about the fact that they are wildly inconsistent, and that reported images aren't seen initially by a person so much as an extremely stupid algorithm. That's why there's the option to say 'this ruling was made in error.'

There are literally no set guidelines for what qualifies as NSFW, and what doesn't, when it comes to nudity, and to what characters those guidelines actually apply. Staff rulings do not match up to one another. They legitimately do not make sense. You cannot divine how a ruling is going to end up, and it is infuriating that staff is jerking us around like this when the platform very clearly wanted artists like us back.

Not only that, they were, yes: that fucking smug about it. In case you forgot, that 'cheater' picture is talking about people who fled the NSFW ban specifically.

Examples follow:

Both of these images were caught by the filters, and then appealed. The first one was (visibly, as you can see) downgraded to Everyone, in spite of the character showing more secondary sex characteristics than the first (breast, visible nipple).

Similarly, a male character showing a pube fluff was left alone, even in spite of being cited in my appeal on the second image.

Last, there is, as noted, this readily available image of Felicia, that you can find by searching 'darkstalkers Felicia' on the search bar. Did people forget that she's bottomless, and those aren't panties?

Using fluff to cover junk is an age-old trick for characters like this. And it clearly isn't a problem with the male character.

Further, you can go through just about any archive and see a ton of images that were not subject to community labels, many of which are much more racy, and much more legitimately "NSFW."

So, yes, beyond the disgust of Tumblr staff treating any body like mine as filthy and inherently sexual in nature, this is also about a system that is arbitrary, penalizes artists for no good reason, and has deeply opaque standards. You never know when a piece of yours is going to run afoul of a bot, or what a staff ruling will ultimately be, or why the ruling is there in the first place.

And that's bullshit. If you think it's anything other than bullshit, you're being a contrarian ass. Especially since a forced label absolutely WILL kill your visibility, where compared to implementing the label yourself. It is punitive, it is punishing, and I will say again: it is completely unnecessary to jerk us around like this when the platform very clearly wanted us back.

And now that we are, we're back to being treated like garbage, constantly having to guess what the rules actually mean, how they apply, and to which sorts of bodies they apply, all while watching our viewcounts on contested posts eat ten kinds of shit.

tl;dr, do not talk to me about 'following rules' when the rules are so ill-defined as to be quite literally useless, to me, and to every other artist on this website.

#tumblr #community labels #content filters #artists on tumblr

806 notes · View notes

loveemagicpeace · 1 year

Text

🧚🏼‍♀️⭐️Life Events🫧💭

🪐Saturn works like this-when you are ready to learn, the teacher appears and showed you ways how you can do something, what you can learn from it. But when you are truly ready, then the teacher disappears.

🌊8th house shows how we go through someone's death and how we experience it. How we feel about it. The 8th house shows how a part of us dies when a person who was close to our heart dies. Gemini in 8th house means that someone's death will always be personal for us. The person will always say goodbye with the last words. Because gemini rules over mercury. Scorpio in 8th house means that it will be very difficult for you to get over the person, but the person's death will completely transform you. Aquarius in 8th house can mean that a person dies suddenly and you find out about it only later( the next day or something). Also people with saturn in 8th house can mean that you are far away when someone dies. And that people's deaths can be public or shared with the public. Saturn in the 8th house can be a difficult position because you can blame yourself when someone dies. Or you feel that you could do more for the person or be with them more.

💜I really appreciate how private Scorpios are. They really understand the importance of privacy. Especially someone who has mars and scorpio will never share private things on social networks or with others. They like to process things themselves. They never make drama around the relationship. I often see that they don't like to share their relationship with others.

🪴The signs that are the most dramatic in my opinion are leo and gemini. Geminis love rumors and therefore they also like to talk about everything that happened to them. Leos like to be dramatic about themselves and then like to share the drama with others. I honestly think that these two signs don't know how to keep things to themselves when anything is going on.

🫧Men with libra placements have a taste for style. I really like this because they will really always want to be beautiful for you and they put a lot into beauty. Whatever other signs/ placements they may have, libra will always make them want to be beautiful. They will appreciate the beauty in you. Not just the body or sexual stuff. But the face and that real beauty that you have.

🦋Libra moon many times I see that these people are very friendly and always make people comfortable around them. They emit friendly energy, regardless of other signs, they will always look out for other people. And they put a lot on relationships, it is very important to them how they get along with people and how others feel emotionally. With them, you always know that they will put relationship first.

🌅Where Jupiter lies in your chart, you may experience some significant losses. Losses which, in retrospect, benefit you. For ex.: Someone with Jupiter in Sagittarius misses a flight to Spain and then this plane was diverted somewhere else due to problems. Jupiter in 1st house- You want to go get a tattoo, but then the tattoo artist cancels on you and in the end you find out that he is not that good at his job. Jupiter in 11th house- you lose a friend because he was not honest with you and betrayed you and later you meet someone who teaches you what true friendship is. Jupiter sextile Saturn- you lose the opportunity to enroll in a new college but later you find something that really makes you happy.

🌠Mars in Scorpio-I have noticed many times that these people are controlling. They want things to go their way. But they are very persistent when they really want something and will do anything for a person. I like that they don't give up on the relationship easily and that they take a serious approach to the relationship. Well, their focus will not be diverted elsewhere when they broke up with the person, but they will use their time to heal. I think they can have energy for just one person and that person can be present in their life for a long time. They take a long time to release something.

🎡Placements in 9th house can mean that you will meet a person on a trip or that you will be together with someone from another culture/country. Maybe even a famous person because this house also represents a part of fame (being known all over the world).

⛵️9th house is also good house for synastry because you can experience a lot with this person. You can, for example, go on a plane for the first time, go abroad or experience something you might not have done before (a kiss in the rain, a picnic on the beach...). It's a very open house and you can learn a lot from the person as well. And it is also a house of marriage.

🏞️People with a Gemini placements many times they are looking for someone who can teach them something. They really like people who are intelligent, smart and like to communicate. And they value many times the thinking of others and are attracted to the thinking of someone. You have to actually be interesting to them, to always surprise them with your actions and words. I also noticed that they like challenges or word games.

🎤11th house shows your contact with social networks and famous people. A lot of planets in this house can mean that celebrities notice you sooner. So for ex.: Venus in 11th house- can mean that you can attract someone who is famous or a popular artist. It can mean that you can also have a romantic relationship with him. Or they quickly notice you because of your beauty, charming energy. Pluto in 11th house- It can mean that you have a deeper connection with someone who is famous or that you can often attract people who are mysterious. This can also mean that you are attracted to artists who are no longer around. In society, you can often have a seductive and sexual energy.

⭐️ I will do part 2 -comment if you are interested⭐️

-Rebekah🦋💭🫧

#astrology #energy #zodiac signs #planets #my notes #astrological houses #astrology observations #birth chart #life events

749 notes · View notes

dizzyjaden · 1 month

Text

Oh, to be loved by an artist... ✧˚ · .

Albedo x gn! Reader

♤ Summary: Your bf Albedo makes you pose for his painting then u cuddle <3

♤ Warnings: JUST PURE FLUFF !

♤ A/N: In celebration of this man finally getting a rerun in version 4.5

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

In the warm firelit glow of the room, dimly emphasized with orange hues by the setting sun peering in through the windows, Albedo's eyes graze over every inch of your body fervently, he sits stationed behind an easel and canvas where he is painting you. Sketching for him is a hobby that came about from his line of work. It is more often than not that sketching things he frequently studies or needs to understand better benefits his experiments. Painting, however...

Painting is more of a love language.

Albedo sketches whatever interests him, it does not take a long time to do, and it requires little material and effort. With painting, one must really stress the details to bring everything together. He paints things out of appreciation for them. To really see every feature and memorize it all.

Ever since the two of you started dating, the only thing occupying his thoughts is you. Anytime he attempts to pass the time with sketching, you're the first subject matter to advance in his mind. It only makes sense to dedicate hours to an entire full-length portrait of you. You are important to him after all.

The pose he asked you to take is candid and simple, nothing dramatic. However, you had begun to appear restless with frequent unintentional twitches across your figure. He smiles sympathetically.

"Try to focus on your breathing. It will make it easier to hold still."

A slow exhale passes through your lips. Truthfully, remaining motionless for hours is more difficult than you assumed, but you couldn't grow tired of this position you are in. Your lover is not a very affectionate person, at least not physically. He of course never turns you away when you are the one to initiate, but he rarely does so himself. You've realized over time that it isn't because he loves you any less than you love him, but the way Albedo prefers to show his affection is simply exactly what he is doing now. Penetrating through your skin with his gaze, his lips slightly parted and his eyebrows furrowed while he ingests each little characteristic on your body that has built up and brought him you.

"I'm impressed by you, my muse." He teases. "Most people struggle to maintain such a striking demeanor throughout the entirety of the session. I hope you do not mind me taking my time."

"Striking? What do you mean by that?" You hum curiously. He sighs as he struggles to find words for it.

"Some people just look... Posed." He attempts. "But you are naturally scenic... Though perhaps I'm biased. You could do anything and I'd find it devastatingly attractive."

You smile playfully and roll your eyes, realizing he has not actually touched the canvas in a moment.

"Not to rush you, but yes to rush you, I'd like to breathe soon."

Albedo nods.

"I am finished."

Your eyes widen.

"Oh, really?" You prompt, subtly asking for confirmation that you are allowed to move.

He smiles.

"I have been finished for some time. I just wanted an excuse to stare at you a while longer."

You give him an annoyed scoff as a response and immediately stretch your limbs out. The painting had to have taken at least six hours. You saunter over to where he is seated and allow yourself to practically fall into his lap. He gives your forehead a quick kiss as you nestle your head against his shoulder to observe his work on the easel.

"I think it turned out rather well." He states in satisfaction. "Though, I'm not sure the most talented artist alive could do you justice."

You are blown away by how casual he is about what he just put on that blank board you're staring at with your jaw on the ground. It's you, absolutely you. Terrifyingly realistic yet still captured in the most flattering way imaginable.

"It's... Incredible..." You mutter.

"It's a painting." Albedo sighs. "To be honest, I did like the idea of having something for me to look at when you are not around, but at the end of the day, it's still just a painting."

Once again, you're blown away by his indifference as he wraps his arms around you.

"A really good painting." You affirm. "It's very... Good-"

"You are so warm..." He murmurs quietly, seeming to have already moved on. You sigh.

Sometimes it seems Albedo does not give himself the appreciation he deserves, if you squint you'll notice that he doesn't think of himself highly in any regard. Despite his alchemical advancements, he still believes himself to be average at best when it comes to intelligence. Despite his borderline inhuman artistic skills, he does not think his work is anything of note. It makes you sad.

You don't want to bring this up now and potentially spoil the moment, though. You'll get on his case about not knowing how amazing he is later. Albedo is always busy, he is always running back and forth to get something done, but now he is quiet and still as he brushes a hand through your hair.

"Are you tired?" You ask him. He nods slightly.

"It will be dark soon..." Albedo yawned. "I'd prefer not to waste what little day is left by going to sleep early."

Thankfully you speak Albedo, so you know when he says something like that he fully intends to stay up very late, working. You yank away from him to glare in irritation, he laughs.

"I will not stay up all night, love. Promise." He smiles. You hate how adorable his smile is, you're trying to be mad at him.

"If you don't sleep, it will negatively impact my own sleep schedule." You say in an assertive tone of voice. "I cannot sleep if you aren't next to me."

Albedo doesn't seem to fully believe this since you've fallen asleep on your own nearly every day of your life until the two of you moved in together. Nevertheless, he contemplates.

"I will come lay next to you until you fall asleep-"

"No." You cut him off. "Let's go to bed."

He sighs in defeat and picks you up as he stands from the chair.

"Fine, fine." He mumbles, rolling his eyes at your victorious expression. He carries you to bed and collapses beside you instantly. His sluggish behavior warrants a giggle from you.

"I suppose today was longer than I anticipated." He admits, pulling the blankets over the both of you. "Although, I am glad we got to spend some time together towards the end of it."

You shuffle closer to him which brings him to immediately wrap his arms around you, pulling you into his chest with a sigh.

"Are you comfortable enough?" He asks. Something about Albedo is that he never stops fussing over you, he'll probably ask you the same question another twelve times before falling asleep.

"Yes." You respond simply, reaching your hands up to play with his hair. This is the best technique when it comes to shutting Albedo up. His eyes quickly flutter shut at the sensation and you smile.

"Love you Bedo." You profess. His grip around you tightens slightly at your words.

"Love you too..."

#genshin albedo #albedo kreideprinz #albedo x reader #albedo #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact fanfics #fanfiction #fanfic #genshin x reader #genshin men #albedo x you #fluff

87 notes · View notes

vaspider · 1 year

Note

re the ai art thing: there are absolutely some shitty things going on with ai art at the moment, but i feel like this whole thing would benefit from more clarity on the bad actors involved so that arguments could be meaningfully directed at them instead of the nebulous concept of "ai art". i suspect elon musk's name is being used as a buzzword here - while he was one of many founders of openai, he resigned from the company before things like gpt and dall-e even came into existence, so i find posts that talk as though he's still actively involved to be suspect. second, it's entirely possible for an ai art generator to create something thats no more derivative of existing work than a human using it as inspiration. i agree it's still not 100% ethically pure, but at that point it sort of becomes a philosophical debate, not a practical one. a lot of ai art bots DO use significant parts of work, though, and the medical photo story would be horrifying even if ai art wasn't involved - these are specific bad actors, specific people who put private photos into the public domain, specific people who don't do the due diligence in making sure their model doesn't violate the copyright and forgery boundaries we already have in place, specific users who choose to generate derivative art for unethical purposes, and aiming this very justified anger at them is likely to bring about a lot more positive change.

No, Elon Musk's name is being used because he has a very long and very loud history of thinking he shouldn't need to credit artists or writers and that he should be able to use anything in any way he wants and people should be grateful that he did. That context is very important when talking about the intention behind the Tech Bro Collage Machine.

Second, no. It is not possible for an AI to create anything that isn't 100% derivative. There are a few reasons for this:

"AI," that is, actual artificial intelligence, does not exist. This is not nitpicking terminology, this is extremely important and crucial. What we are talking about isn't a brain. It doesn't think. It doesn't create. It cannot create. We may wish to think that it can create - humans love to wonder and we love to anthropomorphize everything, but no. Calling it "AI" is a branding decision, and propaganda. It isn't fact. AI doesn't create anything, first of all, because AI doesn't exist.

Tech-Bros Discover Collages™️ is a program. An algorithm. It does not create any more than a paint mixer creates purple paint when the Home Depot worker puts red and blue paint into a can and loads it into the paint mixer. All it can do it take what it is given and smash it together over and over and over again. And that is - in a very simplistic but also very real way - all that TBDCs do.

I'm very sorry, but androids do not yet dream of electric sheep, computers don't think, and comparing the pixel output of a machine that's just as likely to barf put a man with three fingers growing out of his cheek as it is a "masterpiece" that, if you unfocus your eyes and ignore the watermark artifacts and look past the weird smeary edges and all of the other tells, almost looks kinda like it's not AI art to the output of an actual working artist is absolutely facile. I genuinely cannot believe that people are actually making this argument. Like, I really can't. No, the computer isn't thinking and it can't actually create anything. You're playing with an extremely complicated kaleidoscope loaded with millions of dollars worth of stolen art, intended to help billionaires further defraud everyone else by replacing artists with digital garbage. That's it. That's all. It is nothing more. It cannot be anything more.

I really do wonder what people think is going to happen, here. Do y'all really think this is going to do anything but make it impossible for small artists to make money?

People are already selling "prompts lists" on Etsy as if that is original art, which it is not. People who have gotten really good at playing with the kaleidoscope have gone on long huffy rants about how they shouldn't have to reveal their prompts because they put work into coming up with that specific prompts list... all written without a shred of self-awareness or realization of irony.

I genuinely don't want the answer, here, because as a working artist, I am really exhausted of people trying to defend the destruction of the livelihood I've poured myself into, and the destruction of my friends' livelihoods, too, but I want you to ask yourself (quietly, in your head, and if you want to post about it, do it on your blog, don't put it here) what you think the end result of all of this is going to be.

Do you think this is going to result in some grand new wave of art democratization? It will not. Do you think computers can really create? They cannot. Or do you think instead this is going to lead to a lot of artists no longer being able to find sufficient work as the Fiverr/Uber/Amazonification of everything combined with AI art means that a lot of the meat-and-potatoes commissions and art jobs dry up, because why would you pay someone $100 to draw you a really original picture of your OC with their hours of labor and years of experience when you can get Midjourney to make you one in minutes ✨️for free✨️?

While y'all are busy talking about how computers are doing something not at all different from the human mind (lol), you're hammering the livelihood of a lot of people into the ground, duped by the same people currently burning Twitter to the ground, lighting piles of money on fire as crypto, and minting NFTs. This is just the next thing in a long line of tech bro scams.

Stop falling for it. You're fucking shit up and I'm tired.

671 notes · View notes

weirdmageddon · 7 months

Note

OK OK SO!!

First off!!! Hello fellow davejade enjoyer i see you. Second off—what sort of things do you wish you could’ve seen with these two in canon :0. Could be expansion on canon scene, arc direction, or just a new scene entirely. for me personally I would’ve loved to see some genuine fighting collaboration going on. I felt VERY teased with all the magic combo’s in collide.

Third! I know they do a lot of music collaboration in canon, and I’ve seen some things with them making a band together post canon. What sort of sound do you think they’d have/what artist do you think they’d sound like?

Thank you :))

okay god theres so much i wish was expanded on in canon with regard to dave and jade

this post is swan dive into homestuck meta and took me over a day to write. so i would appreciate feedback or discussion on this if you'd like, reblogs appreciated!

despite this question being posed as davejade related, my answers here are actually relevant for anyone interested in homestuck meta as well.

it’s just recently come to my attention that there are a a handful of people on twitter who are vocal davejade dislikers. i didnt know it was actually disliked until i looked it up on twitter, i honestly thought it was a joke blown out of proportion but no they exist! it surprised me a lot to see people think they "lack chemistry". not only because knowing what i know about them thats a ridiculous insinuation, but also i haven't seen the vitriol on tumblr. probably because we can actually poast about it on here in an unabridged manner which thus enables better, deeper critical analysis and engagement with the media. i think also people forget that dave strider is canonically bisexual and are too yaoipilled + facing the consequences of the epilogues to even give davejade a serious look/analysis. (dave dates terezi and karkat in separate timelines, thinks jane is hot, thinks roxy is a babe but shoves it down when he discovers she’s his ectomom lmfao. davesprite—an extension of dave himself—dated jade! but i'm going to cover that in more depth in this post since theres a lot of misunderstandings about the nature of that relationship in fanon.)

(as a side note according to what some people have told me in inbox and what ive seen lol i think that ive been inadvertently been getting people into davejade. it's all in my davejade tag here in chronological order if you'd like to get a Whiff. be sure to read the tags on posts in there too!)

even though theres a lot in this post as it is, it doesn't cover everything ive talked about wrt davejade, and i think it would benefit readers to have complementary posts alongside this for the full picture with stuff it doesn't cover. there's a ton about why theyre cute and why i think they work well together in that tag.

here's some highlight analysis posts, but be sure to check the tag because there's a more in there:

post a / post b / post c / post d / post e / post f (← one of my favorite ask responses ive ever gotten)

i think a huge chunk of the issue has to do with how the narrative handles dave and jade. one of the most damning things to me is how glossed over their canon interactions were in act 5 despite them collaborating on one of the most important things in the story. i haven't talked about this yet but i'm going to do so here. because they’re put on the backburner by the focus of the narrative during act 5, people who don’t read carefully will miss the implications that are there all along in canon but easily passed over.

under the cut ive separated it into multiple parts

1. Jade’s Quest: What Frog Breeding Entails

this is an analysis examining apart exactly what jade and dave did while frog breeding. i wrote it while high which was extremely enlightening and it allowed me to comprehend it and hopefully explain it in an understandable way. i also discuss how shitty the lack of on-screen communication between jade and dave was for this part and the next.

2. Jade & Dave vs. Jack Noir

ive discussed this one before on my blog so it's not as dense (see davejade tag). but i still sewed the gifs together and discuss how unfortunate this was to be be delegated to a banner at the top of mspa and the neglect of that whole arc despite the outcomes of it being reissued by characters thousands of pages later

3. Davesprite and Grimbark Jade

i get into davesprite's head here and try to make his motivations about the breakup clear to the extent that i can infer because jesus fuck i love these characters way too much ive known them for a decade i understand their core personality structures and why they think what they do and what is most likely to happen when extrapolating? i also talk about how grimbark jade changed the way the fandom perceives their relationship, leaving davejade on a low note instead of a high note. and then hs epilogues had even worse consequences for davejade but i wont get into it because it was character assassination all around and doesnt deserve my time or yours. but if you wanna know what i think, here

4. The music question

where actually answer this ask like it's an ask and not an essay

1. Jade’s Quest: What Frog Breeding Entails

i wish we could have seen what collecting frogs entailed for the two of them. what exactly were they doing? jade’s quest is one of the most interesting.

before i start i want to take a tangent and say the frog breeding reminds me of back in 2020-2021 when i would breed hybrid flowers in animal crossing new horizons to get a very specific gene sequence for these flowers to not only use to breed for hybrids, but to get known gene sequences that i could use to “check” the genes of other flowers. the goal is to get two parent flowers whose sequences when bred would make a specific phenotype 100% of the time.

this sounds complicated but here’s what i did for the lilies:

(“rare island” refers to one of the first acnh patches that removed a nook miles island from the pool that had hybrid versions of your native flower of very specific phenotypes for each color. i wrote out the breeding chains to get parents that would always breed that exact flower found on the rare hybrid nmt island that is no longer available.)

the cleanup ALL TO GET the white 2-2-2 lily looked like this. and after i got white 2-2-2 lily it was smooth sailing

after all that i could use the orange 2-2-0 lilies and white 2-2-2 lilies made in the black lily process and get rare island orange 2-2-1 lilies 100% of the time. in mendelian genetics these numbers (2-2-1) are quite literally RR-YY-Ww.

RR-YY-ww (orange) x RR-YY-WW (white) = RR-YY-Ww (orange: heterozygous Ww gene)

and all that effort into getting white 2-2-2 lilies enables me to get it over and over again now. i don’t have to repeat that process to get rare island pink lilies. all i need to do for the pink 2-0-2 lilies is breed two default bag red lilies (2-0-1) together. 50% will be red (2-0-1) lilies, 25% will be black 2-0-0 lilies, and the last 25% will be pink (2-0-2) lilies.

anyway sorry back to the main point. FROG BREEDING. it just reminded me of it. now that i think of it the frog breeding process also reminds me a lot of artbreeder back from when AI was only a fun little toy 4-5 years ago

ok so have a look at what kanaya says about what jade must do. this is the coolest quest imo because of how it progresses and how long it actually is

here’s how it works. remember back in act 2, when the wayward vagabond needed to tie a longer cable to descend down the ship (and refused to give up the ones that made up his mayoral sash)? he used the appearifier in the ship to appearify the extra cable across the gap to his location? that’s how the appearifier normally works when when it’s locked to the present. it’s very straightforward.

when jade appearifies a frozen frog, it shows us this exact thing. she appearified the actual frog itself (the same way WV appearified the actual cable across the gap) to her exact location. it can get the frog out of the ice in the way WV could untrap serenity from the amber. if something’s destiny wouldn’t otherwise be changed, it will not be paradoxified, it will just simply itself be warped to that location, with precise carving if it is somehow trapped inside of something else.

if you could appearify it to your location right now, you wouldnt be able to take it out the appearifier’s crosshairs in person later to alter its destiny because the object won’t be there at that time. it wouldve been with you the entire time. unless you decide to take the appearified item back to that location so that you could appearify it in the past, but that’s the most pointless time loop ever and doesn’t change its destiny.

for this icicle frog jade and dave weren’t capable of changing its destiny anyway, because it was completely encased in ice, and just didn’t bother to go after it. partially because it was with jade at the appearifier the entire time anyway and she can’t exactly put it back in there in the future. the point is, besides jade appearifying it to her location, the frog had no other possible routes of destiny. in that part of lofaf where she appearified the frozen frog from, the ice is too deep to get anything out of it (other than appearifying it) and i’m not sure the forge would have melted it in time before their reckoning ended anyway.

the goal of jade and dave is to target frogs on the appearifier screen and trust that their future selves follow through in altering the frog’s destiny. if so, then the frog’s paradox slime will appear instead and its genes would be collected in addition to creating offspring between multiple paradox clone frog genes. then, dave and jade would necessarily have to go out adventuring and find the frog so that they end up following through for their past selves.

if i understand correctly, jade is creating all the frogs on her planet that grow up with manually modified genes. these frogs must be genetically altered from their parents so that the frogs she creates don’t grow up to become one of their parents (as they’d be identical). the mutant offspring frogs “generation A” she ectobiologizes will eventually mature from tadpoles to frogs, assisted by dave’s time travel. then she will eventually target “generation A” with the appearifier to get their paradox slime to fuse with some other frogs’ paradox slime and create new slightly altered frogs “generation B” (and then follow through on altering the “generation A” frogs’ destiny so their slime and genes can be paradoxified by jade and dave’s past selves). repeat until the genes are fine tuned for the genesis frog.

this is why i compared it to my breeding in animal crossing. getting the genesis frog reminds me of the blue rose paths. i worked with the garden council back in the day and i used backwardsN’s “cesspool” method, except i honestly gotta say my white 2-2-2 lily thing was much more involved and carefully maneuvered in a way that i imagine frog breeding is more like. backwardsN’s “genepool method” was basically making a red-orange-black rose primordial soup and waiting for a blue rose to emerge out of it, just increasing the chances seeing a blue rose sprout the next day after watering with each generation of offspring. you KNOW my ass was using time travel, even if i happened to get lucky and got a blue rose without even finishing the big turtle plot. without time travel, most players (95%) will get their first blue rose before these # of days. (open up advanced tag)

there must be so many daves running around to help her going back in time all within the span of a few hours while still having their own linear, older timelines that are much longer than the “time stage” they’re actually functioning in. this sounds complicated but it’s not. think of this “time stage” as analogous to the 3 days until the moon falls in majoras mask. it’s the “time window” all the time travel takes place within, but link doesn’t become a day younger when he travels to a day ago. the timeline of his “self” is older but is kept within the confines of the 3-day timeframe. similarly, in tears of the kingdom, two master swords exist simultaneously for most of history, but the one on the light dragon’s head (who was above the cloud barrier before the upheaval btw) is further ahead on its own linear timeline: it starts as the other, pre-gloomed master sword → broken by gloom → sent to the past to be repaired → renewed over time, existing at the same time on the “time stage” as its own pre-gloomed past self but ahead on its own linear timeline

now imagine this but within the “time stage” of just a few hours within the same 24-hour period. kanaya says frog breeding ordinarily takes weeks. multiple daves can exist simultaneously because they’re operating in the same few-hour-timeframe but one can linearly be days ahead of another. it’s the exact same thing as breeding flowers in animal crossing for irl days but to your game it’s whatever date you have it set to. your irl progress isn’t lost if you go back a few days in settings. i’d often find a week in june to use as a “time stage” to loop through when it would rain at least one hour on each day of that week which would save me the hassle of watering my flowers every day before time traveling to the next.

it must’ve sucked for dave to hear jade say the same things over and over again. the novelty probably wore off pretty fast lol…… dave says he saw his future self fighting and dying to jack and knew that’s what he’d eventually have to do as well. every single dave at all points of his linear timeline understood that and it probably settled something horrible into his heart.

im imagining during the original run dave was thinking to himself: “im bored but cant alter anything about this without creating a doomed timeline. if i dont see my future self hugging jade then i cant hug her even though i really fuckin want to. note to future self: hug jade. aww shit look at me go guess i remembered. hell fucking yes cant wait for that to be me in a few hours” and gives a thumbs up

future dave pov, hugging jade and watching his past self give him a thumbs up from afar thinking to himself: “ahaha i remember exactly what i was thinking there” and gives a thumbs up

but anyway. goddamn. JADE AND DAVE. what did hussie do to you.

this is a goddamn atrocity.. what the hell man. i wish we could have at LEAST seen the text file jade sent to kanaya. we got to see ConversationWithAVeryStupidGirl.Txt but not daveisafunnyguy.txt?

i mean i GUESS the humor is delivered through this

and like, yeah that is pretty funny? but i feel like the single laugh this gives me is nothing compared to the joy i wouldve gotten out of seeing what dave has to say about the cloning apparatus for ants here and talking himself into circles about frog procreation enough to make not just gigglehouse jade laugh, but kanaya too

we spent so much time learning about the mechanics of the punch designix and hardly anything about creating the seed of the actual new universe. we learn about it through kanaya and karkat messaging jade, instead of dave and jade working that out through SHENANIGANS. even though this is JADE AND DAVE'S session. it’s fine that kanaya is helping them, as she should, but we’ve seen parallel pesterlog conversations before so i dont get why we didn’t get that here! jade and dave frog breeding is one of the most important events in homestuck, and yet it was terribly glossed over. everything in the story, their futures, are predicated on their success. not just in their unwinnable session, but the one they split up for 3 years and escape to.

at first i thought, maybe their lack of shown interaction has to do with hussie working out the intricacies of pesterlog/dialogue thing? as he once stated on tumblr:

shoshaumbay asked: In the intermission of act 6, it says that they get to talk. Does this mean that their guardians couldn’t talk to them before and that is why they left them notes all around their houses? The achievement badge only upgraded their ability to speak to each other as presented through the comic. I.e. it permitted them to speak to each other… WHILE WE WATCH! Do you think all the trolls were hanging out together, not talking at all? Or Dave and Jade were doing all that frog hunting without a single peep?? That’s ridiculous. On the other hand, abstraction weaves itself through the Homestuck reality, and it can be hard to pin down where abstraction is to be taken literally. The truth is, there is not much distinction between the layers of abstraction and the reality they are meant to stand for. John was both literally named on his 13th birthday, and not quite, because that’s silly. The guardians are both literally silent automatons, and not really, as there is indication through allusion they function as normal people too. And the kids went through a huge adventure, achieved immortal god status, and even then had to gain a few more levels just to gain the achievement of simple dialogue as a literal upgrade, as well as not literally, because that makes no sense. The reality is inseparable from the way the story is presented and the way the “game” is played. But those abstractions are also a facade for a more life-like reality beneath it as well.

then i realized, this is not only an arbitrary cop out that affects my enjoyment of the comic in retrospect because they wind up being able to talk later anyway and that makes me feel cheated in these moments, but also still actually awful within these parameters because hussie breaks his own rule here, proving he could have shown us dave and jade talking in person at any time regardless of needing the gift of gab achievement for us to watch them as readers. recall this is also the first time john and rose met in person (at least when rose wasn't asleep):

2. Jade & Dave vs. Jack Noir

this is where i take out my frustration over this being delegated to a banner at the top to the point where readers forgot it occurred.

(also i want yall to take a moment to acknowledge this ^)

youtube

i wish their time on lofaf frog breeding and fighting with jack was front and center and wasnt just in the banner at the top of the page. it makes it seem not as important when it completely was, considering that characters brought up what had happened in that scene multiple times.

it is significant because it is at that point that jack noir has killed all of the kids at least once. the only one left being jade who he refuses to kill due to bec’s loyalty

THIS IS WHAT THE REFRANCE (foreshadowing)

jack noir killed john on his quest bed which allowed him to ascend to god tier. then he killed john AGAIN but it wasn’t a heroic or just death so john was revived

jack killed grimdark rose. john smooched rose’s corpse, allowing her to take over on derse.

jack killed dave by redirecting jade’s bullets into dave’s body instead. jade smooched dave’s corpse, allowing him to take over on derse.

after jade shoots him through jack, he’s down for the count. she kisses him and he wakes up on derse; all he and rose have left of “themselves” in an existential sense are their dreamselves. they didnt know they were going to ascend to god tier delivering the tumor. they assumed they were just going to die like for real and not come back which is why dave went with rose since he didnt want her to die alone.

it was also an important point since her time spent with dave on lofaf is the first in-person contact jade has had with another living human since she was probably 4 years old with her grandpa.

for jack noir, we got [s] seer: desend and [S] ==> (3696) which were hella impactful. seeing jade and dave essentially go through the same thing but with an extended battle sequence honestly kinda warrants a flash in my mind. (the sad thing is that unite synchronization was originally written with those pages in mind (the track was originally called redshift) but of course malcolm brown couldnt have known what was going to happen unless hussie commissioned him for a specific track for a specific story beat, probably like whatever he did to coordinate cascade’s music with toby ahead of the 10/25/11 release of the flash and publication of volume 8 on bandcamp)

i think one of the worst parts is that entire conversations were referenced, but cut or never written.

this is a real forgotten homestuck fact: jade was completely freaking out after filling dave with bullets until karkat had talked her through it. very easily forgotten since even though it being referenced twice we never actually saw the conversation. (i overrode the black scratch background so it's easier to read)

wow thats so crazy i as a member of the audience dont in fact remember! would it have killed to write it my guy

and we find out thousands of pages later dave was thinking more about how it wouldve made jade feel to watch him die than knowing he was about to fucking die. if you even care btw

i wrote more about this here

3. Davesprite and Grimbark Jade

davesprite—an extension of dave himself—dates jade but breaks up because he feels inadequate at being the dave that he thinks jade deserves. NOT because they fought or anything. they were still on good terms. davesprite just felt inherently unlovable. john seemed more upset about the breakup frankly.

what davesprite did was because he thought it was in jade's best interest. there is nothing to suggest it was a fight / clash break up. they still seemed to be on good terms, davesprite asking where she went and all. jade says the breakup “is complicated” and “hes going through a lot of stuff”. given the context i think it's reasonable to assume that davesprite's thought process was: “we're coming up to the new session soon and youre going to meet up with dave again and i dont want to make shit awkward with you dating knockoff dave. you deserve to be with real dave instead so im gonna cut what we have going here in advance and distance myself from your life”

jade probably protested about saying how he's just as real as “real dave”, but davesprite made his decision already. im sure it wasnt easy for davesprite to break up either. with emotions running high (sadness, not anger) he probably just left to be alone and distance himself from jade, and seems to harbor guilt about it as we see in the log. that's probably why he wasn't at john's movie party. this is just speculation on my part but it doesnt seem in character for the breakup to be explosive because jade seemed more understanding than john. sad, but understanding.

i feel like a lot of people forget this. grimbark jade made it seem like davesprite did it to hurt her, or for this to mean that dave and jade are not actually good for each other, which is a wild mischaracterization of what happened but the one that stuck with the fandom nonetheless.

not only that, but davesprite's existence tragic and he's understandably depressed. after spending about a year in sburb (accounting for time travel) without john or jade, only to go back and give up your personhood to advance the alpha timeline and become forgotten is fucking crushing, and i think the breakup is also about davesprite coming to terms with that trauma, being okay with his existence as a sprite instead of being a bootleg stand-in for the dave that jade knew.

basically what vintagegamebro says,

it was such a tragic way for them to part for 3 years with no communication, and it was only proceeded by more tragedy because jade then had no one but davesprite to turn to, and davesprite needed anything but romance at that point

grimbark jade isn’t a good reflection of jade’s actual self. she pushed the mayor into lava for fucks sake which normal jade would never dream of doing, grimbark jade is straight up unhinged. i’m sure jade was hurt because all breakups hurt, but it was blown out of proportion (see how calm she was above a few days after the breakup?) because of Evilness. but also as @vintagegamebro mentioned it also felt somewhat … “off”? or out of left field? especially seeing what the nature of the breakup was from both sides in the above screenshots.

when dave says “theres no way i would have done that to you” i genuinely believe him. i have no reason not to believe him. look at him above asking for questions and clarification. thinking about how what davesprite did, a version of himself beyond his control and how it reflects on himself, i think it's obvious dave cares a lot about how jade feels about him

even after this confrontation in the game over timeline, dave laid down his fucking life to defend her corpse from the becs in he hope she could be revived by jane

and to think that after all this he still chose to save her, like always, probably knowing he had little to no chance, just because he cares for her, her life and who she is beyond this moment, really meant a lot for them. i really, really was mad that this would be the last time they would truly ever be together in a way that to me mattered

4. The music question

i wrote this post regarding instruments with this song in the back of my head if its anything. takes about 12 seconds to start after you press play for some reason

this too, closer to the “style”. i like imagining dave going apeshit on drums

#homestuck #dave strider #jade harley #davejade #homestuck meta #hs

103 notes · View notes

tryingtodotheright-thing · 3 months

Text

Hello Sunset - 2

AN: None of this is proof read so please excuse any errors and do point them out to me. Also, if there's ever any warnings you think I should be adding, please send me an ask. I would love yo hear everyone's thoughts :)

PAIRING: Seungcheol x fem!reader

GENRE: exes to lovers, idol verse, angst

WORD COUNT: 2,574

WARNINGS: reader has anxiety and depression, swearing

PREVIOUS / NEXT

Y/N couldn’t remember the car journey but she was now sitting on Sian’s expensive sofa. Rachel had left after making sure Y/N made it to the office safely, promising to meet her at Y/N’s flat in the evening after finishing some errands.

Y/N clutched the cup of tea that was piping hot and kept her focus on the heat seeping through to her fingertips. In true British style, Sian had made her a cuppa as soon as she’d walked through, reassuring her that tea would make her feel better. The steam continued to rise up and fogged up the sunglasses she still had on. Pushing the Ray Bans off her face, she slid them up to rest on top of her head. The movement seemed to startle Sian into action as she’d been hovering behind Y/N till then, which was so unlike her and spoke volumes of how worried she was about the situation. Sian moved to sit beside her on the forest green velvet sofa, turning her body so she sat facing Y/N. She took a second to observe Y/N as she continued to stare into her cup of tea as if it held all the answers to her problems. Sighing, Sian took the mug from Y/N’s hand and placed it on the coster sat on top of the nearby coffee stool.

“Y/N, honey, I need you to be strong for me. I need you to fight this time, okay?”

Sian knew to wait for a response and without it, her artist would weasel her way out of the limelight and hide in some semblance of her previous life, as she had been doing for the past five months. Y/N was too fragile last time and Sian had let her wallow long enough. It was time for her to gear up. Sian hadn’t been doing her job as a manager in the entertainment world for the past 15 years and doing it well, only to let her artist be affected by the backlash from angry, disappointed fangirls of a cowardly man.

If it wasn’t for the broken woman Sian had to prioritise and piece together back in March 2025, Sian would have done something sooner. In fact, a word to Sian’s contacts, most of whom were family members in key places, would have put a stopper to the ridiculous attacks. No KPOP artist, even if they were part of a global and growing company, could enter the Western market without the backing of one of the many subsidiaries Sian’s family owned in the music industry. They dominated the music industry in the background and whilst Sian made sure to not abuse this power for her own benefit, she couldn’t sit back and watch as the woman she’d grown to adore as a younger sister continued to suffer. Y/N was ill equipped to deal with it all since she was still new to the celebrity world.

8 September 2023

Y/N went viral. It was unexpected and so sudden.

She was a month into her new job as HR Business Partner at a global consulting firm, focused on serving technological and data insights to its clientele. It was a big move for Y/N and she’d just started to feel comfortable in the new environment. Her new manager had done much to welcome her and ease her in, but everything was new and things moved at such a fast pace, she gave up trying to keep up and was hoping things would start to make sense soon.

It was a Friday and the weather was still warm, the after effects of the heatwave still lingering. Y/N was ready to wrap up for the day and spend the weekend in bed. She’d finished all the calls she’d had planned for the day and in her check in with her manager, he’d given her great feedback so Y/N couldn’t be happier it was a Friday. She’d packed her laptop in her backpack and was heading out of the office located in the business park. She was still admiring the waterfalls and greenery that surrounded the buildings even though she’d been making the commute for a month now. Earbuds in and her playlist turned on, she hummed along to the music as she walked towards the Tube station and debated whether to head to the gym tonight or have a lazy evening. The vibration of her phone interrupted her pondering and saw that she was getting a phone call from Sian Doyle.

Y/N had met Sian a few months ago, when she had approached her after seeing Y/N’s old Youtube videos during her teen years. Sian sent her a message on Instagram asking if Y/N still pursued a career in music and was interested in meeting with her to discuss an opportunity. Y/N had thought it was a hoax, and had ignored the message. She hadn’t seriously thought about a career in music, knowing that her parents would have never allowed her to do that when she was growing up. Now in her mid 20s, she knew she’d missed the chance though the odd daydreams and what ifs had crossed her mind. Y/N had grown apart from music when she had started working six years ago, not having the energy nor time to dedicate to her passion. However, sitting at home and not being able to leave the house, with just herself for company during the pandemic gave her plenty of time to re-embrace it and she fell in love with music again. Although she hadn’t replied to Sian’s message after reading it, she kept going back to it all weekend before gathering her courage and agreeing to a meeting.

Three months later, Y/N was an artist signed to a label and had released a single that had charted in the top 100 of the UK music charts. It wasn’t too bad (read as great) for a brand new artist that the music world had no expectations for and who didn’t fit the look nor style of the typical musicians the industry usually produced. She was even going to be singing an OST for a Korean TV drama that will be released in December. Y/N was surprised when she heard that news. She didn’t expect her music to be popular, let alone be heard and liked by people in another part of the world. Thinking that’s what Sian was contacting her about, Y/N accepted the call and entered the working pod that was outdoors in the business park to take the call in private.

“Hey Sian, how are you doing? Did I have any plans I’ve forgotten?” Y/N was balancing her commitments in the corporate world and music world, not quite confident to give up her safety net when her success wasn’t guaranteed.

“I’m splendid, darling and do you know why? It’s because I’m the manager of the young woman who is going viral featuring on all the reels on Tik Tok right now.” Y/N could feel the excitement in Sian’s voice and was slightly envious of the person who’d made Sian this proud and animated. The woman was always composed and today, she’d not spoken in her “I'm-all-business-and-I'm-the-boss” voice.

“Oh how exciting for you! Which artist is that, I know you have a few?”

Letting out a chuckle, Sian responded, “Y/N, honey, I’m talking about you!”

Y/N’s response came out as something between a squeal and a shout in that instant, the thrill and happiness she’d felt in that moment was unforgettable.

Current

“Tell me what the plan is. I know you have one.”

Sian wanted to clap her hands in glee but held herself back. She got up from the sofa to pick up the iPad that sat on her desk and returned to the velvet sofa. Sinking down right next to Y/N this time, she handed the iPad over to the singer. With hands that were still trembling though much less than when she was holding the tea cup, Y/N took the tablet into her hands and tapped on the screen. The screen blinked at her, opening on Naver, a blurry picture of a man and woman walking in close proximity out of a restaurant. It was obvious the woman wasn’t a Korean celebrity due to the darker skin tone and the build of the woman. The zoomed in version of the same picture on the article focused on the faces of the pair. Y/N obviously recognised the people in the picture, being the woman in the picture. The zoomed version helped narrow down when the picture was taken. Both of them were wearing black masks and Y/N/s hands were tucking her hair behind her ears, there was an indent on her left ring finger and she could just make out a pink line of a cut on her palm.

The picture was taken on their last date. It was a Thursday evening and they were in Daegu because he was on leave and was allowed to leave the base so he wanted to visit his parents. They’d been bickering all night and in the end, hadn’t finished their meal and had decided to just leave. Y/N was due to fly back to London the next day and he was due to return to his base at the end of the weekend. It had been roughly two weeks after her birthday and Y/N had been looking forward to the late celebration but the entire visit was a mess. He broke up with her two days later in response to her text ‘Just landed, will call later. Love you x’. The picture was taken two months ago, just before the world as she knew it collapsed.

“Whoever sent this photo through obviously has more and it’s most likely the same person who sent Dispatch the picture at the beginning of the year. HYBE and Pledis can’t keep denying the relationship, saying you were acquaintances or just friends and they definitely can’t spin the whole narrative of you being an overzealous fan anymore. Right now, they’re looking like the biggest liars and the public opinion is on your side.”

“What’s your plan?” Y/N repeated, knowing that Sian hasn’t finished.

“We need to put out a statement to be released in Korean media. I’ve already drafted it; I just need you to read it and let me know if there’s anything you’re uncomfortable with. We’re also not going to keep quiet anymore. You need to come out of hiding and you need to take back control.”

Not pausing for acknowledgement, Sian continued, “I’ve booked you to be on Jimmy Fallon’s, taping Thursday night and airing Friday so we’ll be flying to New York tomorrow. You’ll use the opportunity to promote the upcoming tour and it matches with The Voice US guest appearance episodes releasing this week. Jimmy will bring up the news, I’ve asked him to. I want you to make a joke and brush past it as if the whole matter is insignificant and an inconvenience. Channel that anger that’s underneath that hurt and don’t forget that you’re the victim in this situation. I need you to emphasise that.”

With that said, Sian leaned over and opened the Mail app on the iPad, selecting the first email which contained the drafted statement.

‘This is W Music Group. We have confirmed with our artist regarding the recent allegations and can confirm that Y/N and S.Coups of SEVENTEEN did briefly date but have since parted ways. Our artist was keen to keep her personal life private and we ask people to avoid speculation. No statements released by HYBE or Pledis about Y/N have been made in conjunction with W Music Group or with Y/N’s consent. We are currently taking legal action against those who posted malicious posts including defamation, insults, sexual harassment, spread of false information, and malicious slander against Y/N. We are preparing to submit multiple complaints to investigative agencies by collecting evidence of acts that violate Y/N’s rights and interests such as insults and defamation through self-monitoring and reports from fans, and we plan to respond with a no-tolerance policy. We will continue to hold the suspects accountable and take strong action without any settlement or leniency. Y/N’s planning to greet the public soon with a new album to be released on 2 October 2025.’

Y/N read the statement and read it again. She knew this was the best thing to do for herself and it wasn’t fair to Sian and everyone around her, everyone who depended on and cheered for her success, if she didn’t release the statement. Despite knowing this was the best choice, Y/N still hesitated.

“Do we have to mention the statements from HYBE?”

“Yes.” Sian’s reply was immediate and clipped. “I hope you’re not still worrying about him.”

Sian’s tone grew more sharp. “You can’t be! Wake up and smell the coffee for what it is, Y/N. If he had cared even the smallest ounce for you, he wouldn’t have agreed to his company releasing a statement that you had approached him as a fan when the first picture was released in January. Do you not remember how his fans called you a stalker and sent you hate messages all over social media? Do you not remember the times they sent you broken glass and blades packaged up as gifts so you’d hurt yourself?”

Sian grew more frustrated and tossed the iPad on the space next to her on the sofa.

“I don’t know how to talk sense into you. Honestly, Y/N, I’m doing this for your benefit.”

“I know, I know that. Please don’t think that I don’t appreciate everything you do and have done for me.” Y/N’s words kept getting stuck and she was struggling to articulate herself.

“I just don’t want other people to be hurt by this. Josh and the others haven’t done anything wrong.”

After a pause, she consented, “I’ll take your guidance as final, Sian. Let’s release the statement.”

Y/N grasped Sian’s hands in hers for reassurance. “I promise I’ll do what you ask of me this time.”

Sian patted Y/N’s hands as she soothed Y/N’s nerves by saying, “It’ll all be fine, darling. Trust that I know what I’m doing. You’ll come out of this stronger. I know you will.”

With a final pat, Sian got up from the sofa and walked to the door of her office, her black heels clacking against the floor. She opened the door and spoke to her assistant, whose desk was placed opposite the doorway.

“Send it out now.”

That’s all she said before closing the door and turning back to Y/N.

“Now, about the Tonight Show ..”

Sian continued with her briefing for Y/N’s schedules. Y/N listened and did her best to pay attention and soak in the advice but the tension in her stomach distracted her, the jitters making her queasy. She moved to pick up her now lukewarm water bottle that she’d bought earlier from her handbag when she noticed that her phone was blinking. She took the phone out first, tapping on the screen to read.

Joshie 🦌

Just saw it. Are you okay?

#caratsland #seventeen #seventeen au #seventeen x reader #seventeen fic #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #svt x reader #svt imagines #svt fanfic #seungcheol x reader #seungcheol angst #scoups x reader #scoups imagines #svt #seventeen x you #my writing #hello sunset

37 notes · View notes