#so im struggling to find info on the bond | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marleemutt · 6 months

Text

TLDR: im a black trans artist who can use some help right now following the sudden passing of my only sister - her doberman is now the responsibility of my parents and we can use help for his food, supplements, toys etc.

Kofi (help me send Chewy orders to my parent's house)

Wishlist (literally send him things like toys, treats, etc.)

⬇️ more info ⬇️

hey guys

some of you might be aware of this already, but early October, my eldest sibling & only sister suddenly passed away due to a seizure, she had been dealing with epilepsy her whole life.

this has been incredibly difficult for me, and my family. her passing was incredibly sudden, she was only 30.

for the past month or so ive been struggling to find any motivation to draw, and barely able to work.

she was the incredibly devoted owner of a doberman named Remi(Ramsey). Me and my sister traveled 4 hours to pick him up three years ago. He's a goofball who tears up socks and needs constant supervision. My parents love him, but I can tell he is a lot of work for two people who have fulltime jobs and have lived long lives.

I'm going to try to help them take care of him as much as possible, I feel that it's the least we can do to honor my sister's memory, since she loved him so deeply.

My sister always wanted a doberman, for years she would watch videos about dobermans and talk about them to anyone who would listen.

Remi wasn't easy to raise - I shared a room with my sister when she got him in 2020, she still worked a 9-5, five days a week, so I was his nanny for most of his difficult childhood. I was his chew toy for the first year of his life about - but that only made him bond closer to me. If he wasn't following my sister, I was choice #2. Dobermans are "velcro dogs", they were bred to guard their owners, and because of this, they are fiercely loyal. I've been moved out of my parent's place for going on 3 years, and my sister had just moved with Remi out a few months prior to her passing.

A week before my sister's sudden passing, we had to board Remi at my dog daycare job while my family and I took a trip out of state. When dropping him off, although he was happy to see me again for the first time in months, the moment my sister turned her back to him he began to panic. He got through the boarding all right but my coworkers told me he would cry and wait by the door for me or her. When my sister picked him up, they said he jumped all 80+lbs into her arms.

Since my sister's passing, Remi has been directionless. He's with my family, people he trusts, but he's bored, confused, and heartbroken. My sister would often take him to the dog park, social events, on runs, etc. but my parent's can't do that in their age. If my apartment allowed large dogs, I would take him, but I can't, and I see him maybe twice a month if possible.

Ramsey's Christmas List

I made a christmas list for him of things that might help my parents better take care of him. We're trying different food brands out because he struggles with frequent stomach issues, and we can't seem to figure out what food my sister was feeding him. This list is by no means a necessity for him, but I tried to add things to help with his boredom and keep him stimulated when my parents can't give him all their attention.

i do want to state that my family is capable of providing him with the essentials to live, we arent irresponsible. i would just like to help my parents out since a 3 year old 80-90lb doberman is a lot of work to be suddenly placed on them soley. And I worry for his health and well-being sometimes - Remi has a tendency to eat/tear random objects when he's bored.

please consider donating whatever you can. Everything goes directly to him.

thank you for taking the time to read this, and possibly reblog if possible. ❤️

#artists on tumblr #black artist #black lives matter #mutual aid #doberman #doberman pinscher #trans artist #trans day of visibility #tdov

521 notes · View notes

mugeesworld · 1 year

Text

Rules / Master Lists! ♥︎

Not in the best mental state currently. I want to start writing again soon but it doesn't fit into my schedule sadly. With Summer coming up I might have time tho! Thank you for looking at my page! Feel free to still leave requests tho! I'll come back to them🫶- May 18 23

Small introduction~

Hi there! Welcome to my page! Please refer to me as M or mugee! I'm 19! He/she pronouns. You can refer to me as a man or woman but Im not a woman....yeah. I feel like a man but I don't fully wanna be one. YUH. I would prefer to be referred to as dude, man, bro tho. But calling me stuff like girly is fine makes me giggle. Im still new to this app so please bare with me! I have a wattpad if you are interested! (It's the same user name) I'm open to writing anything! But mostly do head cannons:D. I'm plus size and cater to writing for the plus size community since it does get enough representation. If you are plus size please stick around! Id love to be your mutual♥︎! I write as a out let and to make people happy. I absolutely love helping the plus size community feel more loved/ making them happy! Cause everyone is truly beautiful and I want YOU to know that! Feel free to read if you're not plus size though. (I have my eye on you though.... No hateful comments) My blog is a safe place for everyone! Unless your racist, homophobic, fatphobic, etc. You will be blockedꈍᴗꈍ. Feel free to message me! I love chatting with people! Also if you want to me mutuals just ask! I swear I won't bite!!! I talk about random stuff on here sometimes. Like random random. I one made a post about women and how beautiful they are. And it wasn't small. IT WAS BIGGGGG. I love women.

Rules/Info♥︎

DO NOT. AND I MEAN DO NOT. COME ON MY PAGE TO BE RUDE. YOU WILL BE BLOCKED. I WON'T SAY WHAT ELSE WILL HAPPEN FOR LEGAL REASONS!!!!!!!!!(joking....maybe)

Minors dni

No diet culture people, fatphobics, Ed twt people, fat fetishist, anorexia supporters

Do not talk about Ed's on my page I will round house you. This is a safe spot for all body types and I don't want that on my page! I'm sorry if you struggle with that tho as someone that has in the past I understand♥︎. I hope people can understand that and not find this offensive 💀

I'm fat. Don't like it? Then leave. That simple! I use the word fat in my writing. Ik people use that word to be rude but fat is not a bad word. So when i say "fat" that's not being mean. Thats me being honest or whatever. I call myself fatass sometimes. Cause I am one. Don't say stuff on my page like. "You're not fat! You're beautiful" cause fat is not a bad word. Fat is beautiful. It doesn't mean ugly. Fat is just a word ok. Let's not give it weird meanings⁉️

If you don't know! Then ask! I'm a big big talker so answering questions is very fun. Literally say anything. Even if it's just a dumb emoji or something. I will reply 75% of the time.

Don't be scared to message/request something! I will not punch you in the face I swear! Theirs no need to be scared!!!

I'm pan romantic (finds every gender hot) demi sexual (yes that's a real sexuality. It's when you have to have a strong bond before doing anything sexual. Sorta like friends to lovers) that being said I can do any gender character. No preference.

I do head cannons, matchups, and small fics!

More info about explaining thoses are here:

No incest, urine, scat, underaged crap.

I do NSFW/Smut. You've been warned! Want a certain kink wrote with a character? (Choking, pegging, spanking) ASK! If it's in my comfort zone. I'm on it! I'm also a switch so if you want it dom/sub/switch I got your

I'm in school so I don't have all the time in the world! Along with ya know my everyday life. So I write at night lol!

I do mostly one piece but I can do others! (Please read the post I linked a little bit above for all the anime's I do)

GO READ THE THING I LINKED IT EXPLAINS STUFF MUCH BETTER!!

I like pink. I use Pinterest to find all these cute little things. Or I find a pic I want. (Not someone else's art. Usually a piece of manga) then go to the picstar app and put a pink tint on it! If I do ever accidentally post someone else's art PLEASE tell me. I would never do that on purpos. But if you draw about would like be to use your art I will happily do so and give you credit and all that :3

Requests are: OPEN!

BEFORE YOU REQUEST ANYTHING! READ THIS:

Master Lists! ✰

My Hero Academia~

One Piece~

Haikyuu~

One Punch Man!~

Match ups~

38 notes · View notes

thepeanutbutterwizard · 1 year

Note

Hi im a big fan of your venomous teachings au its incredible and i love it

I was wondering if you could tell us more about kai and Lloyds relationship and (hopefully) brotherly bond

I really like their relationship in cannon and i want to see their relationship after wu is defeated, how kai and lloyd get along, or which ones more protective of the other

I think it would be funny and cute if Lloyd kind of becomes his improtnto caretaker and is the only one who can make kai take care of himself

Like Lloyd will hide all the training gear and wepons, chase kai through the house(or wherever their staying) and tackle him onto a bed and refuse to get up unless he sleeps

Will put plates of food infront of him and will keep staring at him until he takes a bite

He watches kai practice and tricks him by asking questions and tricking him into having breaks and drinking water during sparing matches and practice

I think lloyd would take kai's advice (not the self destructive kind) and use the practice equipment if no ones using it and at one point one of the 3 ninja say he's not strong enough to pracice with them so lloyd challenges him and whipes the floor with them

Kai wouldn't know how to feel when lloyd tells them kai gave him training advice and kept saying that he's amazing

Thank you so much! I'm glad you like the au!

Kai and Lloyd do eventually develop a brotherly bond, but it takes a bit of time after Wu is defeated.

Right after Wu's defeat, they both avoid each other more than anything. Kai's shaken by everything and only really interacts with Nya if he can help it for a bit, and even though he knows they were all under a Spell, Lloyd is still a little freaked out by the ninja.

And then several invitations to the Tournament of Elements arrive.

Lloyd and the ninja are all invited, and I think I'm going to have Garm and Nya get actual invitations as well. They both made very impressive displays' of power while fighting the Great Devourer, and even though Chen doesn't need the Elements/? of Water and Destruction for the Anacondrai transformation spell, he really wants them to use for himself.

Chen still promises something as a reward that the good guys feel is worth the risk (right now I'm thinking it's either false promises of info about either Ray and Maya, or Zanes past, since I don't think Zane would have regained his memories at this point, but I'm still hammering out how things with Dr Julien are gonna go).

Lloyd wasn't actually allowed to go, bc he's 10, but he manages to sneak away anyways, and no-one finds out until he's on the island with everyone else. Bc of this, the good guys all take turns babysitting him. Which leads to some forced bonding with all of the ninja.

Some stuff happens, some people get eliminated, and the ninja are struggling bc some, if not all of them haven't found their True Potential yet. Cole would be the only one who found his before the Tournament if any of them do.

Kai finds his True Potential during the Tournament. In cannon he found it bc he realized he’s supposed to protect the Green Ninja, not be the Green Ninja, and his True Potential in VT is kinda similar.

After finding out the truth about Wu, Kai does start to suspect that him being the Green Ninja was just another one of Wu’s tricks. Finding out his whole life was probably a lie wasn’t good for his already crumbling mental health, and ramped Kai’s imposter syndrome up passed an 11 and towards a 15. He does his best to act like he isn’t in the throws of an existential crisis, and actually does fairly well holding everything in.

And then the airdrop challenge happens. Lloyd came with bc all the contestants were required to join, and there was no way any of the good guys were going to leave him alone in Chen’s trapdoor filled death trap of a mansion.

Things get chaotic, there aren’t enough parachutes for everyone, it’s a real free-for-all. Kai prioritizes getting his remaining allies safe, but Lloyd got separated from everyone. Despite being a prodigious shapeshifter, Lloyd can't focus enough to turn into something that can fly.

The ground’s coming up fast, there’s only one parachute left, and while Kai would be able to get to that parachute, he knows he wouldn't have enough time to get it to Lloyd.

Kai also knows that if he could fully use his powers he could use enough fire to at least slow their fall so they don't splatter all over the jungle floor. His True Potential comes from realizing he doesn't need to be the Green Ninja, he needs to be Kai, even if he isn't entirely sure who Kai really is yet.

He goes for Lloyd, and feels something in him settle into place, and he's able to turn their plummet into a clumsy landing.

Once they land in the jungle, any of Lloyd's reservations about Kai are gone thanks to the rescue, and he thinks that Kai using his fire to fall with style fly is the coolest thing. They wind up sticking together and bonding for pretty much the rest of everything with Chen.

By the end of all the Chen stuff, all of the main cast learn that Lloyd is the true Green Ninja.

There's a small period of peace where Lloyd takes it up on himself to introduce Kai to all of the fun things he missed out on being raised by Wu (comic books, video games, junk food, etc).

And then a call comes from the Museum asking specifically for the Green Ninja.

Despite Lloyd's protests that he should go, Kai answers the call alone. And he comes back possessed.

Lloyd feels incredibly guilty; Morro was after him, but Kai was the one who got possessed. And once everything with Morro and the Preeminent is over, Lloyd makes it his own personal mission to make sure Kai recovers by doing similar things to what you described.

And he's really effective at making sure Kai rests. It's pretty easy to make sure your sleep deprived and sick big brother goes to bed and actually sleeps if you can turn into, like, a bear and carry him to bed, and then turn into a dragon and sit on him like a heated weighted blanket.

#ninjago #lego ninjago #ninjago au #venomous teachings au #ninjago kai #kai ninjago #kai smith #kai jiang #ninjago lloyd #lloyd ninjago #young lloyd #lloyd garmadon #lloyd montgomery garmadon

38 notes · View notes

just-before-dawn · 1 year

Note

Plz info dump about ur human au!!!!

AHHH GLAD YOU ASKED!!

okay so i posted chapter one already, im currently writing chapter four (i like to write ahead lmao). i have the concept planned out already, ive been planning this fic since like september or something dkdndkdk

so basically, it's a human, high school setting au where tugger is the main character and most of the POVs focus on him, however other characters, especially misto, will have their times to shine and stuff like that

tugger is 17 in age, a junior in high school. his basic mindset is that he feels like it doesnt matter what his future looks like because what's the point? (he struggles with that burnout yknow). he fucks around a lot, he has a habit of appearing at schools at the most latest times (like period 2 would be starting) or he doesnt even show up at all. he flirts with like literally anyone who wants attention from him. he doesn't give attention to anyone else, people have to come up to him. he never does his assignments, barely pays attention in class, he just doesnt care anymore and he's fine with that mindset. munkustrap is the one who succeeds so what's in it for him? he doesnt wanna become a carbon copy of munk or his dad.

misto is 16 years in age, he's a new kid in the school. victoria is his sister who's a year younger than him. he's shy, quiet, prefers to be alone and feels uncomfortable if a group of loud people are surrounding him. he has trouble reading social cues and doesn't really have much feeling for conversation (very much deadpan humor for him). tugger immediately finds him interesting. is it the eyes? is it the fact that misto literally did not notice tugger's presence for like 5 minutes? tugger knows that there's some secret that he's hiding. how come this kid who went to one of the top private schools in the county is now attending a public school? there's a certain something about misto and tugger can't put his finger on it.

later in the story, the plot will progress to the production of the spring musical which is run and directed by munkustrap with alonzo as the choreographer and demeter as the music director. at the same time, tugger's feelings about misto will progress and eventually, misto will fall for him too. i really want to focus this fic on bonding and getting together, really forming a close relationship before the feelings really start to show, im so excited to write about tugger and misto's story in this fic! there will also be side plots about bombalurina and cassandra getting together, munkustrap and demeter's relationship, victoria and plato getting together, hidden feelings from tumblebrutus, hidden feelings from alonzo, and much more!

macavity will also be a crucial factor in this fic in regards to both misto and tugger's past and present. there's also some things im keeping secret for later chapters!!

(please be warned though that later chapters will be heavy in terms of dark topics, suggestive themes, of course, i will put the warnings ahead of time. i always love to sprinkle a bit of angst into my silly little stories)

i plan to post chapter 2 soon! and i hope you all like the character designs i made for them, ive been so excited to post this fic, tuggoffelees is my entire brain rn and i cant think of anything else.

also, for reference:

tugger, bomba, cass: 17 years old, juniors

misto, plato, tumble, jerrie, teazer, tant, cori: 16 years old, juniors

vic, etcetera, electra, pouncival: 15 years old, sophomores

jemima: 14 years old, sophomore (she skipped a year, shes too good for this world)

munkustrap, alonzo: 25 years old

demeter: 23 years old

jenny, jelly, and asparagus are teachers in the school, gus is the principal. old deuteronomy founded the school and also owns the community theater in the town. jenny and skimble are married, jerrie and teazer are their kids. skimble is a traveling train conductor, we'll see him later in the fic. bustopher jones is misto and victoria's father, he owns several country clubs. old deuteronomy travels around the world to help produce shows and to spread the love and joy of performing arts, tugger and munk barely get to see him.

other characters like bill bailey, george, gilbert, and so on are also present in this fic but theyre more or less in the bg

i do have tons more i want to say about my au, but i dont wanna spoil the surprise in my fic! stay tuned!! (and thank you for asking ahhhhdnekdkdkd)

#cats the musical #cats musical #cats 1998 #tuggoffelees #rum tum tugger #mr mistoffelees #peach drabbles #peach's human!au

6 notes · View notes

shouldvediedawhileago · 3 days

Text

OOC POST; CYRUS. RELATIONSHIPS IN MOND AND OTHER!

Albedo: not really 'friends', but they do chat, and commonly find things they enjoy together, Cyrus doesn't hang out with him as much however, because of Kaeya being around Albedo. (yes im a kaebedo shipper RAUGH!)

Amber: she can be a bit much for him, but he still thinks she's a good kid.

Barbara: you could basically never get this info out of him, but he genuinely cares for the girl, and trys to help lessen her workload, but that's crazy

Bennett: if you couldn't tell from these past few, he's pretty good with kids, and does care for them, even when stern, he is always worried when Benny comes in hurt.

Diluc: they don't talk unless they have a reason to.

Diona: kid thing applies, but he doesn't hang around her as much, not wanting to mess with Venti's allergy. but he understands her, he also dislikes alcohol due to many important people in his life having issues with it, though he doesn't outwardly say it.

Eula: they don't talk that much, but can be chill.

Fischl: she can be to much for him, but she's always able to talk to him!

Jean: they talk about work, and do call each other friends.

Kaeya: they have beef. he's to much for Cyrus + imortal things, but they can get along.. sometimes

Klee: ..archons, no, he doesn't need more stress, he'll have a heart attack (lovingly, I care for Klee, but DAMN)

Lisa: same thing as Jean!! They r also gossip buddies!!! Any gossip? they're meeting over tea and talking about it.

Mika: same thing as Eula.

Mona: she can be to much, but sometimes she joins the gossip with Lisa.

Noelle: they share a bond, but neither of them really like to start cons.

Razor: he lets Lisa take care of him, but they know each other and Razor is okay with him because of Benny.

Rosaria: they make fun of people together.

Sucrose: they don't really talk, but they're not enemies

Venti: its complicated, while Cyrus cares about Venti deeply, they have their highs and lows, Cyrus is often upset with Venti, but they both understand their both struggling, and Venti is sorry Cyrus suffers because of him.

The Travelers: they do their own thing, he does his, he will heal them sometimes, but Cyrus is reclusive.

BONUNS> my friend (fishy? angel? wtv) OCS

Hyacinth: best friends, but he won't say that, they're commonly together, and Cyrus cares for him, and worries about his bad habits.

Sage: neither of them can talk enough to be friends, but Sage needs Cyrus to live sometimes so.

Malachite: hes to much sometimes, but they chill.

END

#genshin impact #genshin impact oc #oc #oc rp #Medical file🩻#genshin original character #genshin oc #genshin mondstadt #mondstadt genshin #mondstadt #monstadt #(occ: uhm yeah i yap to much)

1 note · View note

kittiesjournal · 1 year

Text

My Autistic Journey

It is typical to hear from autistic people that they grew up knowing that they were weird, different and out of place with other individuals and in social groups, and I am not excluded from that experience, however I wasn't the most aware of it as I grew up. I thought my differences were simply because I had different interests, hobbies and personality, not that my excessive “shyness”, restrictive and repetitive behaviours and sensory preferences weren’t something that would magically disappear when I got older. I remember having fantasies of how popular I would be when I got to high school… I was so terribly wrong.

I won't lie, my memory sucks, I have a lot of trouble remembering autistic traits I had experienced in my early childhood. I find myself struggling to remember a lot of things from growing up unless I had paid special attention to those moments in time. However, the first moment I realised that I could be autistic was in Year 10, I spent so much time researching every single symptom I could. This revelation sparked a grand understanding of myself and I finally felt as if I could see myself better. The mirror before was always cloudy but now, I could now clearly see the glimmer in my eyes; a part of my true self.

Things began to fall into place, this was the reason I felt so alien to the world around me, why I felt like I had never belonged anywhere. The year prior to my revelation; the dreaded year 9, was the worst year in my schooling. With an increase in my anxiety and depression, being bullied and being incredibly disconnected from my friend group at the time, it is no shock to why it was the worst. My social confidence and my skills are definitely lacking due to being autistic however the way i was treated within my old friend group did not help. I was constantly shut down and complained about when I would infodump about my interests, and excluded frequently. Now briefly, i would like to mention a funny little tale of my primary school years;

If I had a dollar for every time i was abandoned by my friends during break times after I had been in the bathroom, then not being able to find them and ending up crying to my sister, I would have $2, which isn’t a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.

This, in my high school experience, transformed into being excluded from group plans and told things like “omg sorry we forgot to add you to the group chat - we totally will though”. Loneliness was my truest friend in that group. Although I had put on a mask constantly in hopes to be treated the same as the individuals in the group, I ended up, during break times, simply not talking. There would be maybe a couple words in response to questions but that was the first instance in my life my anxiety and uncomfortability caused me to become frequently non (or at least low) verbal.

In response to my experiences with that friend group, I found myself repressing who I was and what I loved. I am still to this day afraid of info-dumping and often apologise after I catch myself doing it. I mask so much it instead feels fake when I am being my autistic self, I believe I lost touch with myself. I felt so disconnected from people that it became hard to feel like I was truly friends with anyone. Many nights were spent crying because I am not normal, not like everyone else. I begged the universe to let me be normal. But of course, because im autistic, my brain just wasn’t built ‘normal’, I don’t understand how to socialise, I don’t understand non-verbal communications and don’t even get me started with understanding emotions. I could not understand why I couldn’t bond with people the same way they did with each other and often questioned why everyone was closer with each other than I could ever experience. I know that even now, I don’t think I could ever feel and experience friendship the way everyone does, and I missed out on that crucial part of life. It's like I'm on a different plane of existence, akin to the artificial intelligence in media that other characters may care for but never in the same, human way they bond with each other. Some nights I still cry. Some days I'm still extremely lonely.

In spite of all my troubles and loneliness I was lucky to find some light, in my later years of schooling and to the present time, I have some pretty amazing friends and I am slowly learning how to exist in friendships while being my more authentic autistic self. Weirdly enough, these friends are all likely to be Neurodivergent (i helped them realise) and i guess that makes it easier. Even though I have these amazing friends, I'm still learning how to be myself around them and I still at times feel disconnected - not knowing how to socialise and my other autistic struggles don’t just disappear. There have been many occurrences where I have completely fumbled and messed up in these friendships but they understand me better than any other friends I have had.

Some quick acknowledgements of two important people in my life;

I have had one consistent friend since year 4; my best friend and I am grateful for you, that you’ve been by my side while I've been figuring all of this out. Also I'm sorry that you’ve had to coincide with my autistic self since we were 10 (sorry i made you reenact frozen everyday).

And in addition to friendships, romantic relationships are another terrifying territory. I don’t know the right things to say, how often to talk and how to keep conversations flowing, flirting is a mystery, and I don't know how to show my feelings and at times it may seem harder to tell if I care. But, I promise I will. To my girlfriend, my dearest, I'm sorry and thank you for being kind and patient, for always supporting and encouraging me in all my ‘quirkiness’.

These experiences, my mistakes, help me grow everyday and due to the extensive support of those around me I felt encouraged and confident enough to seek a diagnosis for my autism. However my journey of getting a diagnosis was extremely rocky. The first time I had brought up my thoughts on me being autistic to my mother I was met with a “why” and silence, the second time she asked if I wanted to try and get a diagnosis - I obviously said yes. This began my experience with the company Autism SA. I completed a self-referral application to get an appointment, I was sent paperwork and forms to fill and send back, and was told I would have to be on the waiting list for 18 months. In the end I didn't have to wait the full 18 months, I got my appointment, I went in at 9:30am on the 6th of February and that afternoon I realised this was one of the worst days of my life. They told me I didn't meet the criteria (in the feedback report I received on a later date they wrote that I met none of the criteria - the biggest lie I have ever heard). The appointment was fraudulent, I felt so uncomfortable and anxious because this was something I had never done before with complete strangers, so I masked. They sat me in a room constructed for young children, just me and the speech pathologist and she asked me questions, but nothing too in depth about my autistic experiences. It was obvious she only knew autism as the basic textbook version of male-aligned traits, it was obvious that she; a neurotypical, allistic individual would never understand me. I have many regrets that day, i should have said more about my traits and experiences, shown a list of them, let myself not mask for once in my damn life - maybe then things would have been different and i would be sitting here writing about how great it is to be able to receive help and be understood. Instead, that afternoon, I cried and cried and cried. For the first time in a while I cried in my mothers arms, I think in that moment she truly understood the autistic me. I had never felt so invalidated and unheard in my life, i felt more depressed and alone than i ever felt just existing as an autistic person in this unfit world. I still feel that way anytime i think about that day for too long, it's hard to write this all down. Autism SA told me it was most likely “just anxiety”, like what many AFAB individuals are told when they are actually autistic, as if my anxiety doesn’t stem from my autistic traits and struggles.

This terrible moment in my life was of course not the end, life flows on and I had to as well- so I wrote a 5000 word document on all of my autistic traits to prove them wrong (i sent it to the psychologist who had been in charge of my assessment).

After getting out the frustration and needing to feel validated for my experience, I am in a better state of mind. I read Chloé Hayden’s book Different, Not Less (and watched so many of her YouTube videos) and I felt seen, I felt inspired. So now, in my present self, I am learning to be my truest self, my special interests are accepted; I am creating art everyday and now I'm writing too. I let myself stim in around others and in public, i don't ignore my sensory struggles and instead i make accommodations and seek support for them. I can notice when I am burnt out and I take care of myself when I am. There has been so much I have struggled with in terms of my autism but I can write about those another time, for now this is one step. Now I am and always will be honest about who I am. I am autistic.

#blog #blog post #autism #actually autistic

1 note · View note

hold-our-destiny · 3 years

Text

so i thought since im not really writing much lately, id put a big list of all my ideas with brief summaries and if you guys wanted to see any in particular i could try to write a small oneshot of it.

1. basically peter having a long conversating with tony about the struggles of having his enhancements and explaining how he cant even kill himself because of his healing (like the scene from avengers)

2. Endgame au- “Hey peter? Its Tony- We did it. We won, pete- we won. Please Peter” then when peter’s in a coma he listens to a voicemail left by him before he left for the field trip (saved on insta) at some point peter says “i just wanted to be like you”

3. V slow (almost) major character death- three quick gunshots and a thump- peter worrying about tony’s head wound.

4. peter and harley falling in love (3k words) in tumblr drafts for harley

5. tony breaking down in the middle of a fight

6. Stony soulmate au- sharing scars.

7. “I didn’t think you cared about me”

8. Peter dragged underwater

9. Steve reading bucky’s journal in civil war

10. peter tries to help tony in siberia but gets hypothermia way more than tony does. after like a week steve comes back and tony screams at him cause peters in a coma, maybe steve finds him in the medbay

11. Parkner last words soulmate au

12. peter gets infected with anthrax

13.steve and peter kidnapped thing- peter bring scared of tony cause they used his tech against him

14. parkner hanahaki but with recovery and peter coughing up the rest of the flowers= whump. basically peter loves harley, passes out cause he can’t breathe and nearly dies, tells harley, and has to spend a week throwing up the rest of the flowers and being so tired he can’t stand

15. tony faking his death and peter and steve getting mad when they find out he’s alive

16. rhodey tony falling in love+ going to warrrr

17. okay so tony maybe almost dying and peter crying about it?

18. peter gets kidnapped after an argument saying “i know- i know you’re mad but- p-please Mr stark- please help m-me, i’m sorry” cause he thinks tonys mad at him.

19. steve helping peter with harassers- drafts

20. tony whump being kidnapped and refusing to give info on spiderman and peter saves him with rhodey and gets shot but because of adrenaline they don’t realise until they’re outside and peter collapses

21. the scene where he gets shot from enola holmes but it’s irondad- peter has a bulletproof vest on and gets shot by a shotgun and tony thinks he’s dead cause he’s oncounscious from being thrown into a wall

22. okay so what about a situation where tony and peter are at a press event and peter gets shot. just imagine what tony would be saying as he catches him and slowly lowers him to the floor.“it’s okay, i gotcha. holy shit- you’re gunna be okay, kid. come on, eyes on me-“ keeping on talking until the medics get there, still not leaving the kids limp form. Peters eyes never leave him, glazed over but never closing.Of course, when he wakes up later, Tony will be a little teary eyed sat by his bed, probably making a joke about “god kid, you’re not supposed to outlive your old man” Peter not wanting to be alone when he dies

23. tony and peter on a mission and tony goes to find peter cause he’s not responding and he’s unconscious cause of poison- tetrodotoxin B

24. Peter put in a cage thing with bucky when hes triggered into being the winter soldier and being on comms with steve and the others.

25. 5 times tony and peter thought they lost each other and the one time they nearly did.

26. Degloving

27. parkner voicemail with peter almost dying, end is him coming home. season 2 ep 3 of 911

28. soulmates rhodyetony can feel each other’s pain. rhodey knowing tony’s alive in im1

29. parkner enemies to lovers only one bed nightmare

30. character study of the mcu, ned, sam, wanda, mj, bucky,

31. harley thinking peter is dead, dealing with grief after a kidnapping

32. Prompt 885: Stephen and Tony were together before Afghanistan. They hit a rough patch when Stephen has his accident and the Accords are proposed. The stress causes a huge fight where Tony tells Stephen to get out and never contact him again. Stephen is crushed and leaves for Kathmandu the next day, leaving only a voicemail saying goodbye and asking Tony to not blame himself. The general consensus is he committed suicide. CA:CW and DS happen, and Tony runs into a changed Stephen in Greenwich Village.

33. basically incredibles- steve’s taken by hydra and peter and tony are in a plane when hydra attacks them, tony’s telling them to abort and steve slowly realises he could lose his family, then it blows up and tony calls a suit to peter. peters got broken ribs and bruises because of moving around and tony sends out a signal to the team

34. peter nearly dies on a mission, tony’s yelling at him and he breaks down crying when he realises what could’ve happened

35. peter nearly gets kidnapped/ sold and he’s really shaken up about it he won’t leave harley or tony

36. peter and tony are kidnapped, peters conditioned and at one point the kidnapper gives him a truth serum and asks intimate questions/ he’s not conditioned and it’s either ask the questions or take the punishment-

37. bucky getting back from hydra and coping? steve feeling sad, finding out bucky can feel his arm and tried to rip it out, tony helping? the scene in the woods with the trigger words and steve being there really sad and shit- also thinking pierce was steve

38. peter flinching during an argument

39. bucky having to pretend to be winter again in a mission

40. Peter telling tony about skip

41. ya know the hypothetical about hydra training bucky to give people guns incase they need to ‘execute’ the soldier, and him giving steve a guy.

42. peter being trapped in the soul stone when he gets snapped, him being the only one there because of his mutation or something (his soul was too strong to be broken for the time so it had to be contained) plus dissociation when he gets back

43. peter and bucky kidnapped together, tony and steve both worried as hell and having to work together and bond to get them back

44. soulmate mind talking- peter getting into trouble/kidnapping? make collection for soulmates

45. peter and tony are running from kidnappers, peter gets caught in a bear trap. maybe include steve.

73 notes · View notes

starglow-xx · 3 years

Text

owning a bakery and being discovered by the ada and the port mafia (part 3)

platonic! yosano akiko x f! reader

type of writing: head canons !!

this is part of my head canon series, flour & fluff !!

tag list is open !! go to this google form and fill it out to sign up!

series synopsis: owning a bakery at 20 is tough; even more so when you have to handle members of two opposing organizations! this is your journey to meeting those fools and creating an unlikely bond with each of them. but only at the cost of your peace and sanity.

fandom: bungou stray dogs

content: fluff & platonic stuff but trigger warning!! there may be a sensitive topic for others

*getting grabbed and pulled to an alleyway! alcohol mentioned!*

please remember that yokohama isn’t the friendliest place, especially at night.

previous: part 2 : their beloved president

author’s note: same ages as last time!! (so that means everyone is one year younger than canon; that makes yosano 24)

this one is actually pretty long :0

i got info abt her likes on her wiki page (careful! there’s spoilers!)

and yosano is a queen and no one can tell me otherwise

the doctor is in the house (quite literally)

going grocery shopping was an okay chore in your opinion

it honestly depended on your mood or whatever kind of shit happens when you go shopping

cause like something always, always happens whenever you go do groceries

sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad, and sometimes it’s just plain weird

one time some weirdo proposed to you in the middle of the store asking for a double suicide

he was good looking you’d admit but it’s not like you’d ever see him again

or so you thought

a n y w a y s

every so often, you’d run out of real person food in your apartment

you mostly survive off all of the leftover bakery treats and ingredients—which works out pretty well actually—but bakery supplies unfortunately also run out quite often

and also unfortunately, one time when both fukuzawa & ranpo took a visit to Sakura’s, fukuzawa argued that “no you can’t live off sweets for the rest of your life”

ranpo was scandalized and scrambled to cover your ears

you guys were at it for a while

in the end you sided with fukuzawa causing ranpo to go off about “betrayal from the people he cared most abt” or smth like that

you guys were okay again after bribing him with sweets :)

for bakery supplies you usually have them delivered bc you order them in large quantities bc ahaha no way were you gonna carry like 15-20 50 pound bags of flour no way

when days like those happen, you close up the bakery early so you aren’t walking home when it’s too dark

you scheduled it to happen every first saturday of the month

on those saturdays, you close at 5 instead of at 8

currently, you were at the grocery store looking for basic cooking ingredients such as proteins, vegetables, fruits, and most importantly, snacks

ranpo’s been rubbing off on you

the sun was starting to set and you were walking home with your two bags of groceries when shit went down

tbh you were kinda expecting it cause your grocery run was peaceful for once

but what you weren’t expecting was a wack-a-do to appear out of goddamn nowhere right when you were opening the side door to get to the staircase up to your apartment

like honestly

let a woman do her own thing

the man who grabbed you tried to covered your mouth so you couldn’t scream but you didn’t exactly make it easy for him

you kicked and thrashed around even using the grocery bags—that were somehow still in your hand—as a weapon and the man struggled but he was still bigger than you and was able to bring you to a nearby alley

he reeked of alcohol and you spotted a wedding band on his left hand

not that you cared about the detail in the moment

you kicked him in the groin and in response he let you go only to fall on broken glass that was in the alley way

using the wall to help yourself up, you grabbed a nearby wooden stick and struck him right on his back

your attacker fell and you immediately turned on your heels to escape only to fall back down on the hard cold ground once again

you lift your face up and look back to see the man holding onto your ankle

grabbing a shard of glass—cutting yourself in the process— you begin to swing it at him only for him to easily grip your wrist and stop you

you get ready try and kick him in the groin again but you’re interrupted as your attacker gets sucker punched and flies to wall

you look up to see your savior and you’re blessed to see a beautiful woman, probably not that much older than you are—she’s probably around ranpo’s age— donning a white long sleeve button up, a matching black necktie, knee length skirt, and gloves, along with tights, red heels, and a pretty butterfly clip in her short black hair

but what you really notice is her eyes

ranpo’s eyes were pretty but you like hers just a bit more

you’ve always liked the color magenta

the pretty lady holds out her hand and you take it graciously and thank her as she helps you up

as that’s happening, your attacker gets himself onto his feet and his groan catches both of your attention

he struggles to stand and the pretty lady simples saunters over to him and delivers an uppercut knocking him out cold

you’re stunned and you breathe out a “thank you” making her turn towards you

she notices the condition you’re in

bleeding scrapes on your hands, arms and legs, small rips in your clothes like your tights, blouse, and skirt, and the ruffled state of your hair and clothing

she asks if you live nearby and you tell her that you own the bakery that’s one or two buildings away

when you tell her that, it clicks in her mind that you must be the bakery girl ranpo’s been talking about and the friend fukuzawa was cat sitting for

it’s been abt two weeks since ranpo and fukuzawa first met you and since then, they’ve seen lucky in the office plenty and the boxes of your signature sweets even more

if those two trust you, she has no reason not to

she smiles at you, holds out her hand for you to shake, and introduces herself as the doctor of the armed detective agency

your eyes widen and you smile back at her shaking her hand

“ah! you must be yosano-sensei then! ranpo-san and fukuzawa-san have talked about you! it’s so nice to meet you! im (l/n) (y/n)!”

“they’ve talked about you too, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you (y/n)”

after that exchange she insisted on bringing you home to treat you wounds which you told her it wasn’t necessary

she gave you a pointed look and that was when you realized what state you were in

you sighed and weakly gave in to which she only grinned at

before leaving the alley she walks over to the unconscious man and pulls out his wallet for some sort of identification and home address as you try to see if there’s any groceries still salvageable

after texting the details to kunikida, yosano turns to you poking around the now ruined grocery bags

she simply rubs your back and tells you that the both of you could go buy more groceries together as she was meaning to get some anyways; she even said she’ll pay for you

you refused obviously but she, unknowingly, used the same tactic fukuzawa used with you

“so you’re saying you don’t need groceries?”

“...”

*cue an eyebrow raise from our resident queen*

“...you agency members don’t like making things easy for me huh.”

you gave in reluctantly and at this point you don’t even know why you try negotiating with them

and that’s only three of them

apparently, she was on the other side of the street on the way to buy groceries for the agency when she noticed different produce items on the other sidewalk leading to the alley and she went to check out what happened

ironically, the way to the grocery store from the agency makes you go past Sakura’s but she didn’t realize it until after the two of you had met

before you know it, the two of you are in your apartment kitchen as she cleans and patches up all of your wounds

as she does so the two of you have a little girl talk

you find it quite comforting bc since you opened up Sakura’s you haven’t really had the chance to connect to many people much less other women

you definitely see yosano as your cool, loving, badass older sister

she thinks you’re adorable and agrees with ranpo’s opinion

yup

that’s right

the opinion that you’re like a little kid </3

you called it a betrayal and all she did was laugh at you <//3

“awhh that’s really cool yosano-sensei!—MFPH?!?”

*squishing your cheeks the same way ranpo did* “ranpo-san was right (n/n)-chan, your cheeks are squishy!”

“?!”

after that small fiasco, the two of you talked some more and bonded over your love for flowers, japanese sweets, and much more!!

you even made a date to have a girls day to go shopping and eat out!

you’re internally squealing a bit bc it’s been a while since you’ve gone shopping

yosano notices and she giggles behind her hand not saying anything bc she knows you’ll only throw a fit

the two of you came around the topic of ranpo when lucky passed by

lucky quickly warmed up to the doctor and cozied up in her lap

“i wish ranpo-san was able to meet lucky when he came by the first time, but then again, he’d probably throw a tantrum if i don’t pay attention to him for 5 seconds”

she snorted at that and like fukuzawa, she shared stories abt the slightly older male

“ranpo-san doesn’t know how to ride a train?”

“unbelievable right?”

“for someone so intelligent i expected more from him”

“i’ll be telling that to ranpo-san, (n/n)-chan”

“wha—?! yosano-sensei please don’t!”

like ranpo, she’s also a tease </3

but you love her anyway <3

eventually, she finished patching you up and promised to treat you to a new set of clothes when the two of you go out

“you don’t need to lose a good set of clothes just because of a sleazy man (n/n)-chan! you deserve better!”

you were going to argue that the rips in your clothes were fairly small and could easily be fixed—except the tights—but you stopped in your tracks when you remembered that it was practically useless to argue against an ada member

the two of you walked to the grocery store and bought both of your needed supplies—along with some extra goodies—and then she walked you back to your place bc it was already a bit dark out

but even if it wasn’t, she would walk you anyways

besides, if anything happened to you, she’s 1000% positive that ranpo and fukuzawa are gonna flip the fuck out not that she wont cause she most definitely will

speaking of which

you were drinking a bottle of water as the two of made your way back to Sakura’s when all of a sudden

“(y/n) you do realize that i have to tell shachou and ranpo-san about what happened today right?”

you choked on your water

“yosano-sensei you can’t! if you do they’ll freak! they won’t leave me alone for at least two weeks! one if im lucky!”

“exactly the point”

you just accepted your defeat already knowing that you’d lose

but maybe you can simmer down their anger towards the bastard with sweets and lucky

you arrived at Sakura’s shortly after and after bringing groceries in, you packaged a bunch of pastries leftover from today—bc you closed early—and bc you’re well aware that ranpo doesn’t share any of the sweets you send him with

you even gave yosano her own special box filled with goodies she loves, and a thermos of fukuzawa’s favorite, your special hot honey lemon tea

other than the sweets, you prepared lucky to spend the night at fukuzawa’s

you really really hoped that doing these things would make them calm down

you shivered at the thought of what their responses would be

you felt really bad for giving yosano all these things to carry and that you were keeping her very late

she assured you that she was fine and that if someone tried to mess with her she’d kick their ass

and after exchanging numbers, the magenta eyed queen bid you a good night and walked back to the agency with lucky walking by her heels

arriving back at the agency, yosano was greeted with some concerns asking if she was alright bc she came back from her grocery run pretty late

(she usually goes in the mornings but today was pretty busy so she left in the late afternoon but now it was already dark)

she waved off the concerns and plopped a couple boxes of your signature bakery boxes at ranpo’s desk, the one for her at her own, the last few boxes in the kitchen for any other agent or clerk to grab, placed the thermos on the desk fukuzawa was by, and picked up lucky and handed him to the president

the two males were pleased with what yosano had brought them, and pleased that another agency member had the chance to meet you

fukuzawa was rubbing lucky and ranpo already snacking on treats as yosano expected

but here comes the hard part

or maybe it’s gonna amusing who knows

“i met (y/n) today.”

“we could tell.”

in goes another treat in the green eyed man’s mouth

“would you like to know how?”

“you bumped into each other, had girl talk, made plans to go out, went grocery shopping, and you brought me and shachou presents.”

“great job ranpo-san, you’re almost completely correct.”

this caught the attention of basically everyone bc they knew ranpo was never “almost completely correct”

“we ended up meeting bc she got attacked on her way home from grocery shopping, i treated her wounds, then we had girl talk and did all the other stuff”

ranpo and fukuzawa froze right in their tracks

“i sent all the info of the bastard to kunikida”

“kunikida.”

“yes shachou”

“find out everything about that man and bring it to me and ranpo”

“...yes shachou”

“and yosano”

“yes?”

“text (y/n) and tell her that her cat, tea, and pastries aren’t going to work as a bribe”

just as you finished taking a shower you sneezed

<<previous // next >>

to join the tag list, please fill out this google form i made!! please fill it out even if you are already in the tag list! it’ll make things easier for me to keep track of you :)

taglist: @hanniejji @timeless-tales46 @realitycanbeajerk (i didn’t know if you wanted to be in the tag list or not but i tried anyway :)

italicized means it wouldn’t let me tag you

300 notes · View notes

lightningladybug · 3 years

Text

Well

I finally watched the seventh episode of 911

And there's a heck of a lot happening here

First things first: I think Taylor has an addiction. To the truth. Its her job and for most of her life, its her everything. She has Buck now, but letting go off her job/addiction is going to be really hard even for a little while. I love BuckTaylor honestly, its lovely and I love the development. I also love Buddie (yes we exist). There might be some merit to the theories about Taylor going for the truth, but it could also end up being a brilliant arc with the ethical struggle, trust and hopefully, healthy communication between her and Buck. Like i want good communication bc honestly why is every plot point just...no communication whatsoever. Of course, it'll be brilliant if the writers write it well (which i have 80% of hope for). But if they do break, i hope they break up amicably and on good terms and remain friends, although i cant see Buck sharing info if she does (probably wont) spill info. In any case, im gonna wait and see how this goes.

Second: The whole thing with Harry's trauma. Lovely communication at the end, fucking loved this entire arc. I also don't think the therapist meant to quite literally go and confront the trauma, but it worked i guess? I think May's speech on processing was quite true and should be done and I love that they decided to do just that. The bonding with the detective who was also a victim of that son of a bitch Jefferey???? THAT WAS BRILLIANT. I love this arc so much. It was quite realistic, but after this episode, I dont think we'll be having any flashes of the healing which is sad.

Third: I LOVE HEN AND KAREN. The emotions were so raw and i forever ship them. The shadow of exes and just the communication???? Spectacular, we love to see it. There was some angstyness but it got resolved and I love the healing that I saw.

Fourth: The Buckley-Han/Han-Buckley family never fails to give me feels does it? The acknowledging of Chimney's role in the mess, the mystery of where Maddie might be, Jee Yun being adorable as heck, Chim threatening to kill Buck with his paramedic skills???? I love this my gods. Chim got a new perspective with Eli, the whole "chasing ghosts" metaphor which gave me chills, the HEN AND CHIMNEY FRIENDSHIP. I hope he finds Maddie soon, and therapy and healing follows. Please i love this family so much

Also I didn't see Eddie this episode

anyways my rant is over

well that got longer than I intended

9 notes · View notes

violentviolette · 3 years

Note

please tell me what aspd is like for you since you're diagnosed? ive had a life time of antisocial (illegal/violent/aggressive) behaviour, im incapable of feeling love and i really lack affective empathy. im becoming 18 in a few months and it's not getting better so atm i think my personality is legitimately disordered but i don't know anyone who has it irl to ask questions

so there's a really good breakdown i saw recently of the core disordered thought processes and internal logic that guide aspd that I thought really hit the nail on the head so I'd absolutely suggest giving it a read here

as for my own personal experience, for me the biggest factors were my aggressive and violent behavior, my pervasive and obsessive need for control over both myself and others, and my lack of remorse and inability to conceptualize the feelings of others.

ive talked a lot about my anger issues in the past so if u want more info on that just go thru my aspd tag here

but my aspd now vs my aspd when I was in my early 20s is very different. ive done a lot of work in trauma recovery and it has drastically improved my ability to cognitively empathize with others, love and form bonds. it is a myth that antisocial ppl cannot experience genuine love and care for others, we just have a much harder time with it.

im much more social now and ive learned to become much better about not only recognizing the emotions of others, but caring about them as well. tho i still don't like the company of many people and am easily irritated and put off by others so i do spend the majority of my time either alone or in the company of 2 or 3 select ppl. I can also still be very callous and I tend to speak "out of turn" a lot. I dont really notice when something ive said could be considered upsetting or insulting usually until after ive said it. peoplw often describe me as harsh and say that im very blunt and straightforward. i dont give much thought to making my words soft or kind and whether or not I care about hurting others feelings depends completely on if the person in question is someone I like or not. I genuinely do not feel any negative emotions from hurting the feelings of people I dont deem worth my care or who I dont like and enjoy even to this day. so while my ability to care for others has definitely increased, its still well below nuerotypical thresholds.

this was much worse when I was younger and it was almost impossible for me to form genuine close attachments with others. i was paranoid and distrustful of people by default, I didn't care about peoples feelings and was extreamly self focused and defensive. if I didn't personally find it upsetting or if it didn't go against the morals I had set for myself, I just did not care. I still don't care about most things or people and when I dont care it feels like genuine torture to have to pretend to do so or to perform an emotion im not having for the sake of appearing normal

I also viewed all social interaction as inherently manipulative. people were not their own unique individuals, they were pawns for me to use for my own personal gain and interacting with them was a chess match to "win" what i wanted from them. I never considered their feelings wants or motivations and cared only about myself and my wants.

anhedonia has also been a big persistent symptom for me. its been very difficult for me to cultivate happiness and find things that both keep my attention and make me feel positive emotions. when I was younger this was also much more difficult and I would partake in increasingly risky behaviors in order to feel emotions because I could only experience them if they were at extremes. this led to things like breaking the law, self harming, doing lots and lots of drugs ect. anything I could do to dump as much adrenaline into my brain as possible in order to feel anything other than a pervasive numbness.

I still struggle with this but again to a much lesser degree. I still absolutely do drugs and struggle to find meaning and purpose with my life and am just kinda floating thru it, but most of my days are positive and im able to find hobbies that make me happy a lot easier

those are most of the big things for me, tho there is a lot more. but honestly working on trauma recovery helped SO much with most of my symptoms. unpacking the disordered ways I was taught to live and the abusive mindsets I was raised under help me understand the world around me better and view it through a more positive lense. also being surrounded by people who did genuinely care for me and whose company I found enjoyable. its very hard to care for people who clearly don't care for u.

I hope that was at least a little helpful but feel free to ask anything else if u have more specific questions!

#aspd #aspd tag #cluster b #cluster b pd #jack.speaks #anon

22 notes · View notes

xcherry-popx · 3 years

Note

if its not too weird to ask, could you write some posts abt rad + asd (either one or both/abt comorbidity)? cuz i wanna find more info abt them & i saw stuff saying asd/rad cmrbidity was impossible too & think i may have both. i have zero access to mental health help atm and will for a pretty long time so im just doing what i can as i wait, document my symptoms and stuff and try to cope, for now. (btw im saying this 2 clarify tht im not trying to be invasive or out of curiosty. sry its so long)

It's no problem! Honestly, I'm excited to hear about someone like me, with how uncommon it is. No need to worry about it being long, because my answer ended up long as well ^-^;;

I wrote this quicker than I expected, so please forgive any mistakes, and feel free to ask for clarification.

I’m mostly going to use the term ‘RAD’ (reactive attachment disorder), but a lot of this information applies to DAD (disinhibited attachment disorder) as well. I was diagnosed when they were still grouped together as RAD.

If any information does not apply to both, I’ll specify the differences between them.

First off: there is no reason autism and RAD can’t be comorbid. Now, most psychologist insist that they cannot exist together, but this is outdated. Unfortunatly, because RAD is so uncommon, very little discussion occurs, and thus any progress in understanding the disorder takes a bit of time.

Fortunately, some discussion has begun. This study is one from 2017. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27895198/

As of now, it’s the only scholarly discussion, but hopefully that will change in time.

Essentially, autism is something you’re born with, while Reactive Attachment Disorder is the result of severe neglect or mistreatment.

The study found that several children diagnosed with RAD met the criteria for autism. The difference in children with autism and RAD vs children with only RAD can be distinguished by focusing on traits specific to autism.

That’s actually how I first suspected I had both: I looked through several diagnosis lists and checked whether I had symptoms exclusive to each list.

One of the current diagnostic criteria for RAD and DAD is that the child cannot also be diagnosed with autism. This is because RAD, and later, DAD, were often used to explain ‘autistic-like behavior’ in children who either did not show signs of autism early on, or who experienced severe mistreatment.

The main reason this is outdated is because it relies on the belief that autistic individuals do not form attachments to caregivers, which many autistic people will tell you is false. That all relates back to the idea that because autistic people show affection differently, they do not feel it the way allistic people do, which is, again, false.

It’s often difficult to get an RAD diagnosis, much less one along with an autism diagnosis. However, it’s not impossible, although for me it involved two different diagnosises that my grandma and I realized made most sense together.

Under the cut, I’m going to talk more generally about RAD and DAD as well as about my experiences.

You said you don't have much access to mental health help, but I felt I should include this next segment anyways.

Attachment therapy, one of the most well-known treatments, is harmful. I would suggest avoiding it. It goes against attachment theory, the basis of RAD. I don’t say this to scare you, but it is coercive and has resulted in death in some cases. You can look into it yourself, but it is rather sickening for me, so please take care if you do so.

While most advice involves making sure the child has an emotionally available ‘attachment figure’, usually a caretaker, that assumes you would want someone to connect to that way.

As someone with inhibited type RAD, I always struggled when people asked if I wanted to be closer to my grandma. To me, we were like strangers, maybe coworkers. I didn't want to open up to her, and so I still don’t.

I believe that, while it’s nice to have a friendly relationship with caretakers, it’s not necessary. For me, it’s always been more important to have friends I can open up to.

Don’t feel pressured to form an emotionally intimate relationship if you don’t want to or feel ready for it. I still don’t think I’m close to my grandma, but we feel like acquaintances now, and that’s enough for me. You don’t have to force a relationship, but don’t be afraid if you want to start one.

Of course, you may have different experiences, or be in a different place with your caretakers, but since I've struggled with that aspect I wanted to talk about it.

Most treatment for RAD is under the assumption that the child is young, which I assume you are not. In general, I suggest finding people you can trust, if you don’t have them already. I don’t want to make too many assumptions here, so if you want more specific advice feel free to ask me.

While RAD is the result of mistreatment such as abuse or neglect, it’s rare even among those who have experienced such things. There’s some debate on why it occurs, and I believe many theories suggest disposition can make one susceptible? But I’m not entirely certain on that front. Also, I’d like to clarify one thing. While most criteria says the mistreatment must begun before age five, it’s not necessary. What happened to me was when I was 11, and it changed me enough that I gained a official diagnosis of RAD a few years later. What matters is how it affected you, not when it occurred.

Now, I’ve mentioned there’s a difference between RAD and DAD, but I haven’t specified what it is. I'll explain that, but to do so I need to talk about how they form.

The basis of RAD and DAD is what’s called attachment theory. This states that young children need strong bond with at least one caregiver to develop. The bonds with their caregivers dictate how their attachment style forms. However, RAD and DAD have their own types of attachment, referred to as inhibited attachment and disinhibited attachment.

They used to both be classified as RAD, separated under the categories ‘inhibited type’ and ‘disinhibited type’.

Many people with inhibited or disinhibited type will show signs of both, but can usually be classified as one or the other. I am inhibited type, but when I was younger I showed signs of disinhibited type in places such as school.

Inhibited attachment is what’s known as Reactive Attachment Disorder. It’s more common in mistreated children. This type is when a child avoids or ignores caregivers, often not showing affection unless convinced to.

Disinhibted attachment is what’s now known as Disinhibited Attachment Disorder. This is more common in children in institutions or group homes. This type shows affection to any and all adults. They are quick to trust strangers. When my grandma worked in foster care, she had some children who, after less than a day of meeting her, would cling to her leg and beg her to take them home.

In this case, inhibited types struggle to form attachments, while disinhibited types will form attachments quickly and easily, with no preference towards their caregivers.

I think that’s all for official information, so I'll talk a bit about my experiences with RAD.

Honestly, it’s isolating. It’s often seen as something that happens to children, and no one talked about adults with it. There’s numerous psychologists who’ll misdiagnose it in foster teens for not showing affection to adoptive parents ‘the way theyʻre supposed to’. Many people treat people with RAD or DAD as ‘psychopaths’, and there’s numerous times I’ve seen it listed as ‘terrifying’, even among the social workers that meet kids with it.

It's discouraging. But I want to tell you that you aren’t alone. I’d be happy to talk to you about your experiences, and share my own. I have hope that people will begin to recognize this disorder despite how uncommon it is, and see it for what it is.

In any case, I hope you are able to find the diagnosis you need, even if it doesn’t turn out to be this one. I wish you the best of luck!

#rad #reactive attachment disorder #disinhibited attachment disorder #i feel like ive said this repeatedly but. feel free to reach out! im happy to help in any way i can

38 notes · View notes

hoshimimimi · 2 years

Text

OM!OC Info

((im pretty much just copy-pasting info from a google doc i made for an rp server application))

One-Line Summary: anxious and gloomy witch who likes insects and has lesbian witch moms

Name: Paige Hudson

Age: 21

Birthday: February 21st

Gender: Female, she/her

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual

Species: Human, Witch

Height: 5’4”

Weight: 122 lbs.

Appearance: Paige has short, jet black hair, dark brown eyes, and tan skin. Her body is narrow, mostly flat, and almost as straight as a board. Her posture isn’t great; she’s usually a bit hunched over to make herself seem smaller and more unassuming.

When she isn’t wearing her RAD uniform, she typically wears a white dress shirt with a black, pleated skort that has pockets (she finds them a lot more comfortable than normal skirts). In colder weather, she’ll wear something long-sleeved with a sweater vest over it and a longer skort with leggings underneath. She also has simple silver stud piercings on both her ears.

Image created using: https://picrew.me/image_maker/5209

Personality: At first glance, Paige seems gloomy and distant. She used to avoid all social interactions because she immediately assumed nobody wanted to be around her (and to some extent still does). Gradually she has been trying to change that, but she still struggles to initiate and keep up conversations. She prefers to listen to her conversation partner speak, making sure to give small nods and hums of confirmation to indicate that she’s still listening. Even if it’s a topic she doesn’t know much of or doesn’t have interest in, she makes an effort to pay attention and retain that information. In social gatherings, she doesn’t like seeing one person talking but nobody listening because she has been in the same situation many times. She’ll shift her attention to that person even if she doesn’t really know them. She still gets nervous in social situations because she worries a lot about how others think of her. She knows she can’t please everyone, but she doesn’t want anyone to think badly of her. She especially hates conflict, so she avoids speaking her mind and disagreeing with others.

She’s understanding of others’ emotions and thinks that everyone needs a good cry now and then. She’s a lot more lenient and forgiving to other people compared to how she treats herself, often scolding herself for not having tougher skin. She doesn’t like getting upset in front of others, so she tends to bottle up her emotions until she can finally be alone or with someone close to her. It takes quite a bit to really gain her trust and loyalty. To those who do, she makes sure to show them her affection and appreciation, verbally or with small gifts (usually flowers, sometimes snacks, and maybe bugs if they’re not freaked out by them). This stems from her own need to be occasionally reminded that her friends do care about her. She wants people to be straightforward with her even if that means making her upset, which she realizes is contradictory considering how much she struggles to speak her mind. She tries to think positively, but oftentimes her mind goes straight to the worst case scenario and spirals out of control. She’s quick to blame herself whenever something goes wrong and quick to harshly criticize herself whenever she makes a mistake.

Around close friends and family, though she still worries about their opinions of her, she’s much less tense. She’s willing to be vulnerable around them and becomes quite lighthearted in their company. She still prefers listening over speaking, but she seems more energetic in conversation. She doesn’t usually try new things, but she’ll happily take part in her close friends’ hobbies so she can spend more time with them and have another thing to bond over. She knows a lot of people don’t like bugs and doesn’t expect her friends to participate in her own hobbies, but she does grow fonder of those who make an effort to understand and encourage her interests despite their fear. It’s very rare for her to let others touch her bug collection, so whenever she does, it’s the biggest sign of her trust in them.

Positive Traits: Diligent, Organized, Attentive, Empathetic, Sentimental

Negative Traits: Anxious, Pessimistic, Self-Conscious, Passive, Indecisive

Strengths: Paige does well in school thanks to her diligence, good memory, and quick learning ability. She is best at science subjects, especially those related to biology. She keeps her belongings organized and sticks to a routine.

Weaknesses: She has low strength and stamina. She is bad at being a leader because she struggles with making the big decisions for a group and directing people on what to do. Sometimes she gets so scared of failure and rejection that she gives up before even really trying.

Likes: Plants, insects, tea, salty food, low-tempo music, high fantasy books, mythology, small hair accessories, cute buttons and pins

Dislikes: Gelatinous food, fish, flashing lights, loud music, anything that is strongly scented, dolls, debates and arguments, strong wind

Hobbies: Pressing flowers, collecting and drawing insects, gathering plants, reading, gardening, going on nature walks

Skills (Nonmagical): Sprinting, learning quickly, catching insects, identifying flowers and herbs

Magic: Witchcraft, potion-making, communicating with insects

Biography: Paige is the only daughter of Vivian and Aria Hudson, two witches who joined the same coven and fell in love. The rest of the coven were very supportive of their relationship and even helped them when they decided to use magic to have a child. Right from birth, Paige not only had two loving mothers but several doting aunts as well. The rest of the coven insisted that they help take care of Paige, and her parents happily agreed (they knew the coven would do so anyway even if they declined). With the coven as a constant presence in her early years, she grew up feeling safe and loved.

The topic of schooling was always present in the back of her parents’ minds, and it finally forced its way to the forefront as Paige neared preschool age. They felt that the coven would obviously be better at teaching their daughter than the American public school system, but they also felt it was important for Paige to experience more of the world and interact with people outside of her loving witch family, especially other children around her age. The rest of the coven also strongly insisted that Paige would be better off being homeschooled. Eventually, they came to a compromise and decided that Paige would be homeschooled by the coven until she reached early adolescence, when she would then be enrolled in public middle school. They made a list of fundamental subjects and divided them up based on who was most knowledgeable in that area.

Paige quickly found enjoyment in learning new things. Of all the subjects, science was her favorite, biology in particular. She loved learning about the world around her, and her teacher-aunt greatly encouraged her curiosity. Her teacher also made the learning experience more immersive by bringing Paige outside for every class, weather permitting. Even in her free time, she would go outside with her aunt to explore more of the natural world. Her aunt also took this opportunity to start teaching Paige about plants and their relevance in witchcraft. From this eventually stemmed Paige’s interest in insects, finding it fascinating that such little creatures were still important to the ecosystem.

A few oddball classes that were taught included history and ancient languages. Greek and Latin were taught in conjunction with English, mostly in preparation for when Paige would learn spells and such. As for history, the coven decided to make its teaching a joint effort. Each member had their own slice of history to tell, and they wanted to emphasize the importance of seeing history from different perspectives. They also decided to include the history of witches and sorcerers, as well as the Celestial Realm and the Devildom. In fact, the first thing they taught Paige was the existence of three realms, not just one. She learned general information about the Celestial Realm and the Devildom and how they differed from the Human Realm and each other. The coven didn’t delve into too many specifics; they just wanted Paige to be aware of the existence of magic, demons, angels, and all that in preparation for whenever she would officially start learning witchcraft.

Eventually came the time for Paige to be enrolled in middle school. Of course, her parents and the rest of the coven were still a bit apprehensive, but they couldn’t deny Paige’s excitement. They enrolled her in the school district of a nearby town, which was small enough that most of the students already knew each other. With Paige having “new girl status”, her classmates became curious and sought to learn more about her. She was a bit overwhelmed with the attention at first but eventually came to like that numerous students were so interested in learning about her. She found friends, and her parents were relieved to see how easily she managed to fit in. It was also around this time that the coven started teaching Paige witchcraft. She picked things up quickly while making sure to keep her schoolwork and magic studies balanced. This didn’t leave Paige with much time to do extracurricular activities at her school, but she didn’t mind seeing as she was finally learning magic.

There’s always something bad lurking in the good. Even though she made sure not to mention anything about witchcraft, she still talked pretty openly about her life. However, the more the students got to know about her, the more they thought she was weird. Also, not everyone was happy with Paige’s arrival, and eventually she caught the ire of the group at the top of her grade’s social ladder: the honors kids. Paige wasn’t able to sign up for honors classes until her next year since she didn’t really have prior school records. When she finally did, the honors clique was furious to see someone break into their territory. Apparently, the district was very selective about honor students, so those who were picked often started acting like elitists. All of the other students in the group had known each other for a while, so Paige stood out like a sore thumb to them. They quickly became jealous at her success and how easily she won the favor of her teachers. They started hurtful rumors that painted Paige as super weird and creepy. They especially honed in on her interest in bugs, which she was quite open about. In class, they even made fun of how often she asked questions, saying that whatever information she was asking about was so obvious to answer and if she were smart then she would know. Much worse, though, was that they honed in on every little mistake Paige made and mocked her for making mistakes that were “so avoidable”.

Soon enough, Paige lost her friends, and her classmates kept their distance from her, either because they thought she was super weird or they didn’t want the honors kids to treat them as they did her. She was distraught and confused; had she done something wrong? She tried and tried, over and over, to make friends again, but it was as if she didn’t even exist to her classmates anymore. It came to a point where Paige genuinely thought she did something to insult everyone. As such, she thought of how she could gain their forgiveness. She ended up collecting flowers for her classmates and writing a formal apology. One day during lunch, she went around gifting flowers to everyone and stood up on a table to read her apology. It didn’t work.

The bullying got worse. No matter what she did, her classmates just kept avoiding and harassing her. It all came to a head at the middle school science fair. Paige entered the competition with her collection of beetles and impressed the judges with her presentation about them. She won the fair, which of course enraged the other honors kids. The time came to clean up her presentation space and bring her beetles home. However, her bullies tricked her into leaving her belongings by telling her that a teacher was looking for her. Once she realized they were lying, she rushed back to her stuff and immediately heard screaming. Someone had released all of her beetles. She only managed to get some of them back, and she also ended up getting into trouble. She broke down crying once she was home, and the coven became upset when they found out what was going on. Her parents had to stop the others from cursing the bullies so that they would never know peace again. Instead, they went down to the school and confronted the principal. In the end, the bullies were finally punished, but the damage had already been done. Paige was so tired and upset that she gave up on trying to get her friends back. She became reclusive, even outside of school, and she faltered in both her schoolwork and magic studies.

After graduating from high school, Paige shifted all of her attention to studying witchcraft. She didn’t want to go to college, scared that she would have to deal with more bullying. Her parents were okay with her staying home, undoubtedly upset that Paige’s school experience had been ruined. She slowly started opening up again, but she was far from being that bright, curious child the coven knew years ago. One day, after coming home from collecting bugs in the nearby forest, Paige noticed that the coven was huddled in the living room discussing something. Her parents told her that she received a letter, handing it to her and urging her to open it. By the looks in their eyes, Paige could tell that the coven already knew what it was. They all came together to give Paige a big hug and told her how much they loved her and how proud she had made them. Once it was just her and her parents left, her parents left her with cryptic words about how her “journey was just beginning”, how “the future has so many wonderful things in store for you”, and how they were “looking forward to seeing the bright witch” she would become. With that, they left Paige alone. Confused and nervous, she opened the letter, her heart pounding and her mouth growing dry as she read it. The second she finished the last word, she felt dizzy and suddenly passed out.

Eventually, she awoke to find herself in the Devildom.

Headcanons:

Paige keeps some hair clips in her pocket so she can fidget with them when she’s nervous.

Her favorite kinds of insects are beetles, and her favorite beetle is the jewel beetle.

In middle school, she won a science fair with her beetle collection. In high school, she won with her collection of multiple ant colonies, each containing a different species of ants.

The first potion she made on her own was something to help her sleep better. She ended up passing out for a whole day.

Her moms used to collect little old dolls. She had constant nightmares for months. She still has them once in a while, but it’s not nearly as bad anymore.

She met her first demon at age 13. It was an incubus who was in a pact with one of her aunts. After being summoned, he was ordered to tell young Paige about life in the Devildom and answer any of her questions. Finding the whole situation amusing, the incubus agreed to indulge the girl’s curiosity.

On most of her social media accounts, her username is pH-kale.

She loves those videos of people making really tiny versions of food. She made tiny food for her insects a couple times before. She even set up a little dinner party for her beetles once.

#obey me #obey me oc #oc #original character #rp oc #long post

1 note · View note

linkfms · 3 years

Text

☠️ * what is up, party people ! i’m jojo ( she/her ), 23, and in the pst timezone. it’s been a while since i’ve been in a group so... pls bear with me. anyway, under the cut you’ll find more info on resident emo boy: link ! i’m so excited to write with u all, and, if u ever want to plot give this a lil’ like or send an im over @ yea right#4256 !

lincoln “link” seong was spotted in the fashion district adorning prada combat boots, with some airpod pros on. they’re most likely listening to when you were young by the killers. you may know them as @hyperlink or as that jeon jungkook lookalike. their twenty - fourth birthday just passed. while living in tribeca, they’ve gained a bit of a reputation. they’re known to be erratic but on the other hand vehement. wonder if they’ll be the next person to hit the headlines. ( cis male & he/him )

↳ THE BASICS: STATISTICS.

full name: seong hyunjae ( 성 현재 ) / lincoln seong.

nickname: link, and will probably only answer to link !

age & date of birth: 24 & november 21, 1996.

hometown: born in busan, south korea, but moved to jefferson, connecticut in 2006.

current location: tribeca, new york.

education: completed high school and attempted first semester of university, but decided to pursue music instead.

occupation: drummer for indie/alternative rock band, my time ( sound is similar to bands like the killers, the 1975, and paramore ). also is an affiliate with an esports organization ! doesn’t play competitively, but streams and creates content for them weekly.

sexual orientation: pansexual & panromantic.

gender & pronouns: cisgender male & he/him pronouns.

↳ THE BACKGROUND: BIOGRAPHY. ( tw: mentions of alcoholism & abuse )

seong hyunjae ( later given the english name lincoln seong... thanks linkin park ! ) was born in the heart of busan, south korea. his parents married at the age of 21, due to the cultural expectations of having a child born out of wedlock. while things seemed to be smooth sailing for a while, the couple realized the real struggles of adulthood. financial issues came into play. stress from working multiple jobs every single day took a toll on their mental health, as well as their relationship with each other. link’s mother began to develop an alcohol addiction, and her abusive behavior came following after. their home was falling apart, with four-year-old link falling asleep to muffled screaming and glass being thrown on the next room over. his father was able to withstand it for a while, but he drew the line after coming home from work to see large cuts on the side of his son’s thigh, and a bruise forming across his cheek. that was when he knew his wife was dangerous. so, one night when lincoln’s mother as at work, he packed his belongings, grabbed link, and left without looking back.

for a while, it was just the two of them. they found ways to make it work, and despite the fact that it was a constant struggle, his father never wanted link to lose his childhood. in fact, his father gave him everything he could give — but most importantly, as cheesy as it sounds, his unconditional love and support. as someone who lost his own parents young, he made sure that link would never feel like he’s being deprived of that, ever. they created this tight-knight bond because of that, which can’t ever be broken. and now, link’s fondest memories always involved spending time with his father. one favorite memory of his involved morning jam sessions after breakfast. link’s father was previously a lead guitarist in a garage band with a few of his high school friends, so while he was playing riffs on his electric guitar, eight-year-old link would be banging the coffee table with plastic straws.

when link was about ten, he and his father sold all of their belongings and moved all the way to jefferson, connecticut for a job offer that he couldn’t refuse. fast forward a few years, and he’s a teenager in high school. growing up link was more of an introvert, and would spend his time in the computer lab playing video games or browsing in online forums. he was a regular in this my chemical romance forum ( under the username @hyperlink ), and made a lot of his lifelong friends over there. one of his online friends jokingly suggested one afternoon that they should start a band over their nightly skype call, and while it was initially shrugged off as dream more than an arm’s reach away, my time was born. link had to endlessly plead his father to buy him a secondhand drum kit off of craigslist for christmas. but once he found it under their tree that year, it sparked this drive in him to learn and practice nonstop.

their first official band practice happened a day after link’s high school graduation ( which was also the first time everyone saw each other in person ! ), and they spent that entire summer making music. at first, link only thought of it as a hobby... since, he was attending his first year of university that fall. but after playing their first few shows and making all these memories, he couldn’t keep the band in the backburner. he dropped out not too long after to pursue his music career full-time. moved out, spent the next few months working long shifts at the local amusement park, and shared one two-bedroom apartment with his bandmates. one of their songs went viral one crazy night, and the next thing they knew, they were being signed into a record label. now ? they’re one of the biggest alternative/indie rock bands out there with multiple platinum records, sold out world tours, and millions of streams each year. their time finally came.

↳ THE INSIDE LOOK: PERSONALITY.

link definitely... gets babied a lot ( by his bandmates and his fans ), and he uses that to his advantage :] because of that he gets away with a lot of things, but it’s usually with things that are small like eating the last slice of pizza and it would be justified with “ no he is a growing BOY he NEEDS it ! ”

that being said, he eats nonstop. the guy carries a sandwich bag full of cheerios wherever he goes. his friends know that if they can’t finish eating something, they can always donate it to link for a good cause.

when my chemical romance announced their reunion tour in 2019, he threw his phone across the room and cried. my chemical romance ( with green day and linkin park as a close second ! ) are his all-time favorite bands, and a lot of my time’s sound is heavily inspired by them.

when i tell u that this man is so chill, i mean it. like things could LITERALLY be on fire and he’d be like “ just throw some water on it it’ll be fine 😎 ” ... he’s not the type to worry about things, and is more of a go with the flow type of person. he doesn’t even need to be zooted to be like this. KJFGDG

being in the band and a part of the entertainment industry caused a small shift in his personality. maybe he just blossomed ? who knows ! but because he’s been exposed to the rockstar life, he was able to open up more. he’s always seeking thrills, big or small, and won’t have the time to think about the consequences for his actions.

because the my chemical romance forum that was once his second home shut down, he’s since moved on to reddit. social media isn’t really his thing ( and his fans always get mad at him for posting a selfie once a month then dipping ), but catch him on subreddits making comments or starting fights for the sheer entertainment of proving someone wrong.

this might sound bad but... he still can’t wrap his head around the fact that he isn’t ? financially struggling anymore ? even if he’s already bought a house and two luxury cars for his dad, he still gets ticked off if he sees something small like an APPLE that is marked a dollar and a few cents over the usual. he catches himself using things until they’re ABSOLUTELY worn out, and still leeches off of his bandmates/friends when he can. <3 also, if something is broken, he’ll be the type to figure it out and fix it himself.

people... don’t exactly remember the last time he’s slept. it could be the insomnia ( it’s definitely insomnia, thx childhood trauma ! ) but it’s almost gotten to the point where he’s afraid to fall asleep on his own. he’ll always try to find ways to sleep in someone’s company, even if it’s just him crashing on a couch while someone is watching tv right there. if he’s alone though, he’ll always try to find ways to distract himself like stream for 10 hours straight.

speaking of trauma... he’s also scared of relationships. after witnessing the way his mother treated his father, he’s cautious of history repeating itself... but with him. so whenever he catches himself even falling for just a little, he dips.

his life revolves around the 4 m’s: marvel movies, minecraft, music, and my chemical romance. that’s it.

a link 😏 to his pinterest ! also, i don’t have any wcs, but if we plot, i promise i’ll use my big brain to brainstorm something with u. <3

#wealthyhq:intro #the way i spent too much time writing this.................

18 notes · View notes

ivy-kissobryos · 4 years

Note

hi, im kinda new to witchcraft and i dont really know anything (prayers, rituals, beliefs, etc), plus there's a lot of contrasting info online so i don't know what i should go with. could you please briefly explain how you view witchcraft and what you do? i'm going around asking this to a lot of other blogs to get a general sense of things. thanks!

Before we begin I just wanna point out that when you say prayers and beliefs, I think of paganism. When I hear ritual and witchcraft, I think of magic.

Religion and magic is intertwined but you do not have to be pagan or wicca or whatever to be a witch, or vise versa. For me, a witch is someone who practices magic, whether it be simple things like jar spells or folk magic or traditional witchcraft or anything ceremonial or ritualistic (although some ceremonial magic practitioners prefer the term magician over witch, which is up to them). A diviner is someone who uses divination tools such as tarot or pendulums to seek knowledge (and again, you can be a diviner without ever touching witchcraft). Spirit work and hedge work is also another area for you to look into.

You can be a pagan - lighting incense, praying and making offerings - without being a witch either. Some say there is inherent magic in worship, but personally, if you just worship but don’t practice witchcraft (do spells etc) then you’re just a follower of a pagan religion. And there is nothing wrong with that. Of course, you can also be all that I mentioned above simultaneously too, but there is no hurry to quickly define yourself when you’re starting out. Changing the way you label yourself or your craft as you grow (or foregoing a label in the first place) is equally valid too.

More info on some beginner tips + my views on witchcraft below.

If you’re starting out some times I’d give are:

Learn how to protect yourself. Energy work and shielding techniques is how I started, or calling on Archangels if you believe in them. Once I was more comfortable I began learning how to use witch bottles to defend myself, how to banish (look up the LBRP) and more.

Read and read and read! Not on Tumblr but actual books (the legit ones, not the trendy money-milking ones) and historical sources. If there are contradicting sources, use your gut and your brain. Check for author bias and cross-check with other sources. Listen to your intuition yet use critical thinking and discernment too.

Record and test your divination and spells. See if a prediction comes true. Test if a spell manifest the desired result within the given time frame. If you do a wealth spell, then the spell’s success will be confirmed by increased wealth. Try altering your methods, and note if you become more successful or accurate and adapt accordingly.

Don’t be pressured to spend loads of money on your craft especially when you’re starting out. Of course, you may want to give fancy wine as an offering to your god, but if that isn’t feasible then a home cooked meal alongside traditional offerings such as bread would be alright too. Also with books, of course it is good to support occult publishers but try borrowing from libraries, find e-books and use your university account to borrow them, or find PDFs of them online.

Personally, it may not be suitable for complete beginners but I recommend books by Troy Books for witchcraft info. For learning Lenormand, the Complete Lenormand Oracle Handbook by Caitlin Matthews is the best. I know it’s 600+ pages but I swear it’s so good.

For me, witchcraft is about power. When you feel like there isn’t anywhere else to go, when your friends seem distant or unable to comprehend what you’re struggling with, when the law has failed you and corruption has won, witchcraft is a way to redirect your life and regain your sovereignty. Which is why I also believe in hexes and, in some context, curses (although I know it’s a can of worms to open and I’ll make posts on hexes and curses one day).

Divination is used to give you guidance and insight into something that may take you forever to figure out by yourself. It is also a way to communicate with the divine. What I am against though, is using divination to spy on others, as you’re essentially destroying other people’s rights to privacy. Claiming 100% accuracy is also an act of hubris, which is why I always say that my readings are reasonably accurate because in the end, free will triumphs over all and even the strings of fate has many threads.

If your relationship with a deity is rooted in transaction, then it can be said that you are working with them, not worshiping or devoting yourself to them. A devotional pagan relationship between oneself and one’s deity can be transactional too (eg: I worship Dionysus and he helps me with giving me opportunities to grow, along with giving guidance on my path) but what is more important is the devotion - the love and bond - you have with said deity.

Where the line between witchcraft and paganism blurs is when you involve deities in your spell or divination.

When I was young I used to dismiss the incantations that the monks in my country use. However, one day I went to a ceremony where almost a hundred monks gather and pray, casting their spells in unison, and even with my initial derisive views towards conventional Buddhism I felt something that day. Now, I realize when certain words have been spoken and imbued with power and continues to be recited with fervent faith for hundreds or thousands of years, power becomes inherent in those words. The same goes for rituals and spells.

This is why a beginner who had never managed to manifest anything properly can screw up when doing ceremonial witchcraft and end up bringing misfortune into their lives. Those ceremonies are meant to be performed that way, invoking those gods, for a reason. Best case scenario when you mess up is they don’t work. Worse case is they bite you back. Same goes for spirit work and especially so regarding demon work. I was curious about the Ars Goetia in the past, and I am immensely grateful that my naive, idiotic past self had enough brains not to attempt any summoning. If you want to prove to yourself that the magical world is real, there are better ways to do so.

Do I believe the gods are literally real? That Buddha walked his first step and a lotus flower bloomed under his feet? That Dionysus wrapped a ship in vines and turned the disbelieving pirates into dolphins? I don’t think so. But I have faith in my gods the same way one can be a Christian without believing that the Earth is 9000 years old. And I believe in magic because I have felt it and observed the evidence.

Maybe it was easier for me to believe because I grew up in an animistic and spiritual country, where things like divination and spirit work is ‘normal’ (although people do fear and respect the supernatural). Making offerings to household spirits is something my family does weekly. Hell, almost every family has a mini spirit house in their property that hosts the spirit of land guardians. Going to shrines and praying to our local version of ‘dryads’ and ‘tree ghost’ is common for if you want good luck or a bargain.

Messing with corpses is now outlawed, but witch doctors in my country have been known to make consecrated oil from the corpses of women. As recent as 2012, stillborn fetus had been used in ceremonies which turn them into household spirits to bring luck - if they are pleased and fond of you. Of course, magic of these types are against the law because the actions required to perform them are illegal, but the point is, it shows that magic is very real and still believed in where I come from.

If you’re coming from a western worldview where all of this is ‘weird’ or ‘primitive’ or ‘crazy’, it might feel difficult to trust in your supernatural senses, to have faith or to find your path. But if you keep practicing and refining your skills, you’ll find that magic is something that will always draws you back to it, that it is something you cannot live without.

#about me #witchcraft #paganism #hellenic #dionysus*#tarot #lenormand #energy work #witchblr

58 notes · View notes