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ilygetou · 8 months

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๑ 2023 KINKTOBER | MINORS DNI. ๑

⋆｡°✩ details. will be posting a total of (almost) 13 fanfics throughout the weeks of october with one bonus/special piece. I’ll only be writing the main c/w here, once you get to the actual post you’ll get the whole c/w list so make sure to read that as well. Some works would be highly suggestive & won’t be suitable for some. read at your own discretion.

⋆｡°✩ notice. please be aware that i might not be able to finish every single piece by time but let’s hope that doesn’t happen. </3 main note is under the cut.

⋆｡°✩ taglist. fill this up if you’re tyna’ get tagged whenever i’m about to post a piece from this masterlist. scroll to the end if you only wanna be tagged in specific ones/pieces. must be 18+ to get tagged!

๑ THE FOLLOWING CONTENT YOU’RE ABOUT TO VIEW INCLUDES EXTREME DARK CONTENT THAT MIGHT BE TRIGGERING FOR SOME PEOPLE.๑

๑ PLEASE PROCEED WITH EXTREME CAUTION. ๑

NOTE: AAA HI GUYS!!! this year’s kinktober is going to be a bit different than last year’s kinktober, last time i did a “one kink + character” this year is going to be fully dark content fics with more than one kink, i’ll try & finish & post all of them right on time since i kinda gave up on last year’s kinktober–i’m hoping i’ll manage to post every single fic for this one–anyways!! i hope you guys like it!! (๑•́ ᎔ ก̀๑)

DARK CONTENT WARNING. PLEASE, READ THE TAGS UNDER EVERY LINK.

MET HER ON THE INTERNET. – Eren Jaeger.

c/w: noncon –> dubcon, online stalking, solo m! masturbation, lovesick! eren, possessive! eren, cheating, vaginal fingering, face/throat fucking, facial, brief after-care at the end.

HEROiN CHEERLEADER – Gojo satoru.

synopsis: You were like an addictive drug to satoru, he couldn’t get enough of you. Always coming back for more, that was until you told him that you had enough – that you two should stop messing around. You wanted to focus more on your cheerleading career while gojo satoru was furious with your sudden decision, he knew the whole “focusing on cheerleading” thing is a lie when he saw how swayed you were with the new captain of your cheerleading team. He won’t leave you alone until you willingly come back to him, you got him addicted to your taste so that’s all your fault.

c/w: college au, dubcon, voyeurism, male masturbation, jealous! satoru, degrading (like lots of it), satoru blames you for everything, unprotected sex, alcohol consumption, creampie.

PACKRUNNER BiTCH. – Ran Haitian.

synopsis: You were in it for the money. Why would you waste all your young years dating a thirty year old man? Let’s be serious here, you still have so much to do with your life rather than wasting it on an old guy but you need the money. But dating an old man just for money wasn’t that worth it either, that’s why the man you chose to use was a gang member – he’s old but is a part of an incredibly famous gang in your city. You knew he had more than money and that was; drugs. You were in it for the drugs & money! This whole acting in-love thing was fun until you were found out. Do you think Ran Haitian will forgive you for using him? He’s much more arrogant than that.

c/w: age gap (reader is 22 ran is 36), spanking (he uses his hands and a belt), choking, throat fucking, cum swallowing, unprotected sex, multiple (when i say multiple I mean many, numerous) creampies.

UGLY MAN? FUN PLAN! – Toji Fushiguro

synopsis: you found toji fushiguro ugly, he’s not your type and you’d rather die than date a guy like him. On the other hand toji found you gorgeous, it was love at first sight, he fell so hard for you he’s willing to do anything for your love. Toji confessed to you many times and they all ended up with heart breaking rejections. Toji is willing to try one more time and if you reject him again then that’s also alright, he has a nice plan in mind to (forcefully) make you his.

c/w: noncon, babytrapping, forced breeder! toji :<, slapping, sloppy makeout’s, lots of degrading, choking, low-key manipulative! Toji.

WEBGHOST – Rintarō Suna

synopsis: You stumbled across an abandoned hospital and decided to go explore it, alone. You were a huge fan of horror movies & loved the “exploring haunted places” concept, it’s nerve-racking because you never knew what to expect. Once you stepped foot into the old hospital, you felt a chill run past your spin. You hoped that you may run into blood-curdling stuff so you could have something to talk about for the next week or so — but you didn’t expect to run into an actual ghost. And it didn’t seem to want to leave you alone either.

c/w: ghost! suna (don’t ask how cause idk either), mentions of blood, spectrophilia, you feel it but you can’t see suna, hair pulling, creampie.

EViL NiGHT, LOVELY NiGHT! – Jean Kirstein.

synopsis: An infamous burglar lives in your city, he somehow managed to break into 120 homes in total and still didn’t get caught, he was known for stealing valuable objects–if he broke into your house and found nothing worth stealing then he’s going to flee and find another home to rob. He never restores to violence unless the house-victim tries anything against him, he’d immediately pull out his gun and shoot. Everyone was advised to keep their doors locked until they eventually catch the burglar. And tonight was no different, double checking that you had both your doors and windows locked before heading to sleep.

c/w: non con, coercion, somno, slight degrading, gun-fucking, facial, slapping, bondage, creampie per usual.

GRAVE ROBBERY. – Getō Suguru & Gojo satoru.

synopsis: You couldn’t escape them. From middle school to highschool and all the way to college. They were there. Following you everywhere, wherever you went–those two were always there, they made sure they were always there. You haven’t escaped their bullying and harassment for the past 9 years, gaining both enjoyment & entertainment by your reactions to their heinous acts towards you. Both Gojo satoru and Getō suguru loved you despite their horrible treatment towards you, they loved you.

c/w: bully! suguru bully! satoru, noncon, blackmailing, non con recording, hair pulling, threesomes, ass + pussy slapping, clit stimulation, dacryphilia, blowjob, handjob, facial, creampie.

TU4N Y<3R PH0N3 0F5 – Sanzu Haruchiyo.

synopsis: the feeling of someone watching your every move never left you, feeling as if there were eyes on you all the time. To the point you were uncomfortable to do almost everything. Eating? Sleeping? Changing? You couldn’t do anything without feeling two eyes inspecting your every move.

c/w: stalking, noncon, hints of misogyny, semi-public sex, forced/noncon breeding, slapping, virginity loss, mentions of blood and impregnation.

RUSSIAN ROULETTE. – ft. Yuushi Totsumoto.

from lady k and the sick man.

synopsis: Yuushi took you in cause’ you had nowhere else to go. you’ve been living with him for almost two years now and he barely knows anything about you. Not only that but he almost never heard you speak, he was okay with it at the beginning. Thinking you were just a little shy. But it’s been two years and he never heard your voice properly–there were a few occasions when yuushi could hear you speak but those would be barely audible mutters.

c/w: voice kink (auralism?), pervert! yuushi, peeping, breeding kink, cunnilingus, ear licking, size kink, man handling, squirting, overstimulation, creampie per usual.

WiTCHBLADES. – CHILDE/TARTAGLIA.

synopsis: (this takes place after the fontaine archon quest), childe who ended up thrown into jail because that god awful machine decided that he was guilty. And you, you ended up being his jail mate. You wanted nothing to do with childe but he’s a literal chatter box, he never shuts up. Finally, you snap back at him, scolding him and telling you guys are literally in a jail cell right now. Childe didn’t like that attitude of yours so he decided to fuck some manners into you.

c/w: noncon, forced breeder! childe, lots of misogyny, ass + pussy slapping, no prep, size kink, dacryphilia.

F0UR L3AF CL0V3R. — Aoi Todo.

synopsis: your boyfriend was either in his room playing games 24/7, at the gym, or sleeping. Never giving you proper attention until you grew desperate so what’s better than teasing him? until he gives you the attention you’re looking for. <3

c/w: read has big tits😓, dubcon just in case, kinda modern au?, gamer! todo, lots of teasing, boobjob, face fucking/blowjob, possessiveness, size kink, manhandling, pervert! todo, panty sniffing, sumata (“A Japanese sexual term in which the female rubs her labia majora against the male's penis, without actual penetration.”), facial, cum swallowing.

⋆｡°✩ 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋/𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒:

DEVIL ON MY BACK./ REPENT. – Getō Suguru.

synopsis: After watching a movie about the so-called game; Ouija board, with your friend Anna, You couldn’t help but grow more curious about it. After purchasing the game, you ran to your basement to try out; the first thing you tried to communicate with was the infamous devil; Getō suguru.

c/w: religious themes, ouija board, non con → dubcon, slapping, hair pulling, spitting, pussy + ass slapping, anal play, dacryphilia, overstimulation, v light somnophilia, manipulation, multiple creampies, non con creampie, lowkey monster fucking??, suguru has two dicks, face fucking, cum swallowing, guilt tripping kinda, very aggressive suguru, he is mentioned to have red eyes.

#jjk smut #gojo satoru smut #getou x reader #haikyuu smut #suna smut #genshin smut #jjk x reader #tokyo rev smut #sanzu x reader #childe smut #aot x reader #aot smut #ilygetou’s kinktober ⌕#eren smut #tokyo rev x reader

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phoenixyfriend · 9 months

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Hey have a fun AU I came up with the other day after reading a bunch of fics with related tropes

It's a raised Sith AU. Anakin was found by Sidious well before he was found by Qui-Gon. He was raised by the Sith, is a classically horrible monster stalking about TCW to be Vader (mask and all, just as an intimidation factor instead of life support) while Ventress and Grievous and Dooku do their own things in a different section of the war. He's got a Really Fucking Weird dynamic with Obi-Wan, mostly attempting to kill him etc.

At some point, Palpatine allows Anakin and Padme to meet. The romance that blooms is one that Sheev decides is useful to him, so he lets it happen.*

Padme gets pregnant. Sidious arranges for her death. Anakin loses his entire shit and tries to kill Sidious. Obi-Wan is off trying to save Padme, unaware of Anakin getting his remaining limbs cut off by his this-universe Master. (This is important, because Anakin does remember Obi-Wan trying to save Padme.)

So we have Anakin, who was raised Sith, and just lost the only things that have mattered to him since his mom died when he was a kid, and Palpatine has pushed him further into the Dark than he ever has. Anakin… knows more about the Sith Secrets in this universe.

Anakin finds a Sithly Time Machine. Maybe on Malachor. There's an owl? Whatever.

Anakin, someone who's been Vader for the vast majority of his life, wakes up at age nine. Maybe even younger, like six. His mother is already dead at Sidious's hands. He's already roommates with Maul. He's already being trained as a baby Sith.

Anakin, being a 20 year old war veteran, is much better at escaping than Sidious has planned for. He reprograms a medical droid to take out his slave chip, steals a ship, etc. All the stuff that Maul wasn't very good at, and Anakin was too young for, so Sidious didn't have the preventative measures in place for yet.

Anakin heads for the one place and person he thinks he can trust: Obi-Wan Kenobi.

(Obi-Wan is still a padawan. But this Baby Sith just declared him Adoptive Teen Dad, so.)

@lizasweetling (all indented bits from here will be hers):

Because Sith. Bad for mental health of the user and generally bad for their environs But also baby. And if hes dragging Maul around no doubt the dude is constantly himself confused why he is here Like yeah, Sidious sucked, and this 6-9yo is way powerful and knowledgeable on the dark side (?????) But why are we going to the Jedi? And not even trying to kill them apparently?????

Anakin is very much being affected by Baby Brain and Baby Endocrine System. He cries a lot more than he should.

I WASN'T THINKING OF HIM BRINGING MAUL BUT YEAH. THAT'S. THAT'S A POSSIBILITY.

Jedi Council trying to decide if this is more "Adult Sith got shrunk" or "child got evil man's memories." Vader wants to know why it even MATTERS. (He didn't actually plan on telling them, but he has very little self control right now.)

The first Good Act he does is tell them where to find Ventress and Ky. (In the original timeline, he viewed Ventress as like. Cool older cousin.)

Vader's right, that distinction does not matter Aaaw, she deserves that, that's nice Maybe she will be like 20% less homocidally traumatized

Anakin is furious when Maul and Obi-Wan pick him up under one arm like a package. He is a GROWN MAN he is an ADULT he was a SITH LORD and about to be a FATHER, he is TOO OLD FOR THIS.

They point out that he is Baby.

😂 sorry lord of evil, you're too baby, have a nap and maybe your feel better. Assuming the crisis on Naboo is still happening, and as such the vote of no confidence is right now, it might be a great time to report Sidious as a Sith lord. Post-escape from Sidious, both he and Maul definitely will need a nap. It's that kinda place.

Oh, it's probably at least a year before. Anakin keeps trying to sneak off to kill the man himself, but the Jedi are more ready for his Sneaking than Mustafar was, so he keeps getting caught before he can reach the Senate.

At one point he tries to just CHARGE the place and you get Mace and Obi-Wan sprinting after him. The News captures videos of this very small child getting chased by an older Padawan and a Master and they are mostly yelling for him to PUT DOWN THE SABER.

(Sidious might see him but what's he going to do? Might cause too many problems for Sidious to be aware of Anakin's presence with the Jedi, though. Best not.)

It's probably more expensive on average to hire an assassin on a child, just in general But on a jedi youngling??? If he can even find someone to do that, it will be so very, ridiculously expensive And likely 70%+ upfront payments

Ahsoka definitely seeks him out. Toddler baby child. She adores him for reasons unclear to anyone and everyone.

!!! Baby has baby!! Vader's probably a little thrown by this. Been a while subjectively since someone just loved him. And not even for like, a reason. Baby Vader coerced into sitting obediently for nap by tired kiddo: [The council liked that]

The number of times that vader could only be convinced to nap by Obi-Wan grabbing him, caging him in his own lap, and forced to Sit Quietly until he just fell asleep like that...

He has things to do, he's not tired 😡😡😡💢 (He's 9. Distances are between 150 and 195% longer when measured with steps, he's hungry (subjectively) all the time, and has only middling coordination He so is too tired)

Anakin doesn't know Qui-Gon at all but he keeps getting stuffed into the man's top because he's just. Small enough to fit.

Like the bomb boobs gif, but it's a small child.

the indignity

You just. You can't let him get too self-important.

Vader is Disgusted every time the pediatric healers try to talk down to him like they do to other 6yos.

The difference between this and other "Vader goes back in time to the Jedi" AUs (like Force of Many Sights) is that this Vader has never been a Jedi, and doesn't know anything about them except how they fight when he's trying to kill their friends.

Also Maul's there.

Because even he has a hard time taking himself seriously when hes so easy to manhandle Rest of the time; I am fear, I am death personified As luggage child: I am so small. The tiniest. I crave violence He's probably very annoyed they keep taking away his saber And hey! Obi gets practice not losing his! Woooo!

Something something Anakin clinging to Maul's back (piggy back ride) and chewing on his head or something stupid like that. Perfect height for head biting.

You know, the classic anime head bite

Maul probably has been nominally talked into this because this 9yo is a powerful darksider But he is also the world's most annoying tiny kid Maul would've thought his phenotype would make him immune to this ridiculousness He was wrong At least the teeth are a bit less pointy than his other little brothers'? Appreciating the little things

tfw your unwanted little brother drags you to what you think is a cult but actually they're way less culty than your last two places so you just stick around to keep an eye on the little shit

Anyway. ObiMaul for this one.

They're peers They're tired They just want to sit down and not have to chase this weird little murder child They have a lot in common 😊

They are all just a little bit stupid, I love them.

Qui-Gon is a Cool Mom (throws condoms at them and books it).

Yeah, that's about as much involvement as would be appreciated They probably did a lot of sparring before the tension broke Which did not relieve said tension, generally made it worse (Competence, athleticism, sweat-) Vader is confused, but probably doesn't mind He's probably glad they're distracting each other from stopping assassinating a certain someone (Which- that is 9yo hubris. He would need help to do that)

I still can't decide where on 6yo-9yo he falls but somewhere in there

Babies means easier hiding in shirt, teenie Ahsoka, and longer for him to convince the Jedi council to do a Sith hunt before the Naboo situation

Also longer for Maul and Obi-Wan to faff about being all Tension

* Vaguely inspired by the backstory of Rulebreaker/Wildheart, which is great but significantly more of a romance fic than this.

#anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #maul #darth maul #obimaul #obi wan and anakin #anakin and obi wan #ahsoka tano #time travel #de aging #star wars #phoenix posts

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kikixreverie · 1 year

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Need to know

Best friend!Bucky x Fem!reader

Summary - When your best friend starts acting strange and you're left confused about his feelings, Natasha manages to convince you to try to make him jealous, what could go wrong?

Word count - 5k

Warnings - kind of smut, Dry-humping, slight dirty talk, a lot of kissing, fluff, jealousy

A/n - This was a request from an anon but Tumblr ate the ask... and I don't have it written down, but it was something along the lines of 'Best friend!bucky x reader where she asks him advice about a guy to make him jealous'. I wrote this months ago and it definitely wasn't supposed to be this long but here we are. I have edited it about 50 times now and still feel kinda anxious about it since I haven't posted in a while so I really hope you enjoy!

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You had always been close with Bucky. Always. Having met in your teenage years and grown up together, you were thick as thieves, he'd been your best friend for now the majority of your life. Someone you'd always go to over anyone else when problems would arise at home or school, and he did the same with you.

He had found you hiding out in the library on your second day at your new school, picking at your food with distaste as you sat alone. You were surprised at the fact that the boy had even talked to you in the first place, offering a small wave of his hand and a kind smile when you first saw him, but when he asked politely if he could sit with you and didn't hesitate to pull his lunch from his backpack and complain as dramatically as possible that there was just 'far too much food in his bag and no way he could eat it all', you remember smiling the most you had in weeks, rolling your eyes as you took the fruit he had offered you wordlessly.

You'd been best friends ever since, and there was always this unspoken understanding between you, one that you never had with Steve, as much as you loved him, or Natasha, as close as you are. It was always different with Bucky, always a different atmosphere between the two of you.

That was also unspoken. You'd mentioned it once to Natasha, explained to her that somehow, just being in the same room as him managed to calm that ever-looming anxiety you tended to feel, and when you'd meet his eyes across the distance, you always knew exactly what he was trying to tell you without any words needing to be spoken, that for weeks after your childhood pet passed away when you were 15, Bucky held your hand every single day because your anxiety had spiked and he had noticed the constant shake to them. That became a hard habit to lose.

Her response was 'the look', almost deadpan, wordlessly saying to you 'I know you're not a fucking idiot, c'mon now'.

You had blushed and changed the subject.

Of course there were times you might've looked at him a bit differently, you met at a fairly young age, and it was after meeting him that your interest in boys grew.

Watching the scrawny boy you'd known since you were 13 get his braces off and grow a sudden foot taller was a lot for your growing heart to handle, and then that Brooklyn-boy charm came in and girls were falling at his feet, not one of them knowing or caring about who he was, just hypnotised by those light blue eyes. You always hoped he was too distracted by those girls to notice how desperately hard you tried not to fall under his spell too.

So yeah sure, there may have been a time during your mid-to-late teens and possibly your early twenties that you might have liked him in a' more than a friend' way.

But that didn't mean anything had to come of it.

However, there's a certain red-headed Russian woman in your life that, for some reason, refuses to let you hide in your dark pit of misery and denial.

You shouldn't have even mentioned it. the one time you willingly brought up the topic of James Barnes with the all-knowing Natasha and she had immediately fed your delusions.

"I'm not saying he was jealous at all, Nat, I'm just saying... he looked kind of upset."

"What kind of upset? Did he look sad? Angry? Were his eyebrows all furrowed? ooh, did his fists clench? I bet his fists clenched. The jaw definitely clenched. He's a jaw clencher for sure-"

"Nat, Stop! He just..." You groaned, throwing your head back dramatically as you leaned against her kitchen counter, "He just seemed off."

"Okay, but did his jaw-"

"Yes! Now can we stop talking about it."

She stopped what she was doing to stare at you, her eyebrows raised, "You do realise you're the one that brought it up right?"

You sighed and pressed your palm to your forehead, before dragging it down your face, and Natasha tutted, wrapping her arms around you in a tight squeeze.

"You're stressing yourself out too much about all this, babe. Why don't you just ask him how he feels."

You pulled back from the comforting embrace quickly, but still stayed in her arms, "Fuck that. No. No way. Then he'd know, he'd know why I asked, or he'd at least ask me why I asked and then I'd either have to run away or lie to him and I've never been able to-"

"Okay, breathe angel. Stop this, you can't do this forever, honey. I know you're scared of losing him but this is what could break your friendship if you let it, half the time you're avoiding him because you are so scared of him knowing how you feel." Said Natasha, before she pulled away to continue with her cooking.

"What do you mean how I feel?" You asked, feeling your cheeks grow hot when she sighed and shook her head, not even looking your way.

"Nope, no, not even gonna get started on that one. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

You opened your mouth to argue but she only gave you another look, and your mouth snapped closed.

It was silent for a moment and you leant your elbows on the counter, holding your face in your hands as you watched her expertly sprinkle different spices into her food, but you knew not to get too comfortable in her silence, Natasha was scheming, and that was definitely something to be frightened of.

You practically jumped out of your skin when she finally broke the silence, "I have an idea, but I need you to have an open mind and actually listen for once, okay?"

You hesitated, struggling to hold the intense eye-contact she was currently giving you. A part of you was ready to say no, tell her to leave it be and let you wither in a pit of sadness, but the rest of you leaned in to her words, wanting, no, needing something to happen, anything after years of this constant stalemate, this strange game of cat and mouse between yourself and your best friend. You were constantly holding your breath around Bucky, waiting for something inevitable to happen. What that would be? You had no idea, but you couldn't do it anymore.

"...go on." You finally said, having made up your mind without realising. Natasha almost seemed surprised, but you weren't sure that was even possible. She nodded and gave you a smile.

"You wanna know if he was jealous? Give him a reason to be and then figure out if he is, that way, you'll have more of an idea of how he's feeling, and when it comes to talking to him about your feelings, you might actually do it this time. Plus, you might get some info on how to get him even more interested."

You thought over her words, still confused as to what her grand plan was, "And how might I do that exactly?"

"Say you've got a date, ask him for advice, play with him a little bit. Works every time, trust me."

She said it like it was no big deal, and you were stuck on the way her smirk widened when she said 'play with him a little bit'.

"I just told you I can't lie to him." You replied.

Natasha simply raised her eyebrow at you, "As if you haven't been lying to him since you were 15."

"Hey, that's not lying, it's just... concealing certain parts of the truth."

She tilted her head in your direction but you ignored her, turning away completely and crossing your arms over your chest with a huff.

"Don't lie then, tell him that your interested in some guy and play it off like your asking for advice. He doesn't have to know that he is said guy and its all a secret ploy to make his jaw clench again."

"Nat." You groaned.

"What?"

"Why would I ask him for advice though? He knows I'd go to you."

Nat sighed this time, frustrated with your excuses, "Tell him you wanted advice from a guy."

"But Steve-"

"Just do it! If he's actually jealous he'll be more focused on the fact that your trying to get into pants that aren't his." She raised her voice, dropping her wooden spoon into the simmering pot to turn to you, that Russian accent peaking through her words.

"Nat, I'm telling you now, he isn't jealous."

She almost started to argue, but then she spotted that dejected look in your eye and stopped herself, taking a deep breath to calm her frustrations and think of a good response, "Are you saying that because you believe it? Or because you want him to be jealous so bad you wish he wasn't, because you're terrified of losing him."

You went silent, staring down at the floor when you realised you had no response for her.

"Thought so." She said before shuffling closer, pulling you in for a hug, "Look babe, you need to stop worrying about what could happen, and just focus on what is happening right now. If you're not ready to tell him how you feel, you don't have to. Trying this won't hurt, and it won't hurt your friendship, okay? Go one step at a time, you're getting too ahead of yourself."

You thought about it for a while as you enjoyed the hug, before you pulled back and nodded, thanking her for the advice and apologising for being difficult, she only chuckled and began to dish up the food.

"No worries honey, I'm used to it."

It's not like you had ever said you'd actually do it, and you never exactly planned to. But Natasha's plan had started to loom over every interaction you had with Bucky, so much so that without realising you had started to avoid him, and that only made you feel worse.

It took a sleepless night of tossing and turning and missing your best friend like crazy when you finally made the decision. You can't do this forever, why not just say fuck it for once.

It started when Bucky had invited you to his place for a movie night, like he did every weekend, like he had the past two weekends where you had declined, but this time you said yes, and decided that this would be the night you tried to make him jealous.

You weren't proud of it, and a part of you felt incredibly guilty as you stood at his door and knocked. No matter how many times Natasha told you this was harmless, you still couldn't believe her.

"Are we knocking now? What happened to 'your place is my place'?" Bucky asked as he opened the front door to let you in, barely moving aside so your arm brushed against his when you walked past him.

"Ha ha. Just didn't know if it was locked or not." You punched his shoulder and he scrunched up his face in mock offense.

"Sure. Go sit down and pick a movie, I'm just getting some snacks ready." Bucky said, nodding to the couch before he turned and walked into the kitchen, black sweatpants so low on his hips you could just about see the waistband of his boxers, wearing a black t-shirt with his hair pulled back into the low bun you'd helped him learn how to do.

You nodded slowly, watching him walk away for a few seconds before rolling your eyes at your own idiotic behaviour and slumping down across Bucky's couch, the remote in your hand as you lazily flicked through Netflix.

"Any particular genre?" You shouted out to Bucky, who came out from the other room to shrug his shoulders at you.

"Like I said, doll, whatever you'd like. Only fair after I made you come with me to see that god-awful movie Pheobe forced me to watch."

You snorted a laugh, frowning when he walked away again, your mind wandering to the last time you went to the movies with Bucky, over a month ago now, when he had forced you to third-wheel his second date with 'Pheobe' for no apparent reason.

It was almost humiliating the way she had pulled you aside in the bathroom.

"I seriously don't mean to be rude but... why are you here?" Pheobe whispered, despite the fact that every stall was empty and Bucky was stood outside the building, but your face grew heated as the woman across from you voiced the exact question you'd been asking yourself all night, "Like, at first I thought you were a lesbian, but after that story you told earlier I'm assuming you're not, which is fine, but why are you here? I told Bucky this was a date. Does he really not like me at all?"

You were stumped, opening and closing your mouth like a blank-minded fish, searching for the answer that you didn't have, only coming up empty, "Honestly Phoebe, I have no idea. I'm sure he does like you, maybe he just wanted me to come to..."

"Maybe he just wanted to go on a date with you."

"What?!"

"You heard me. I think I'm the third-wheel here." Her voice went quiet, and you instantly felt bad.

"No, Pheobe. That's absurd, he's my best friend."

"You might want to re-think that."

"What did you pick?" Bucky asked, placing the bowl of popcorn in-between you as he sat down and you smiled at him, pushing away the memory.

"Twilight." You replied, sinking back into your seat as you grabbed and handful of popcorn and shovelled it into your mouth.

Bucky nodded as his eyes focused on the screen, his jawline prominent as he chewed, licking his lips of the salty flavouring, a light stubble on his jaw from not shaving in a few days-

"You good?"

You gulped loudly, taking a breath as you met his eyes, embarrassed that you'd been caught staring, "Yup." You said, nodding as you turned to look at the screen again, ignoring his amused chuckle.

Your mind wandered to the conversation you'd had with Natasha only hours ago.

'Don't overthink it, just bring it up when you get the chance, be casual about it'

No overthinking, casual. Easy. Maybe now would be a good time to bring it up, casually, without overthinking anything.

"Actually-" You started, clearing your throat when it immediately closed up and your fight or flight was begging to kick in, your mind instantly wondering to all of the negative repercussions this could-

You were definitely overthinking right now.

"Yes?" Bucky asked, still half watching the movie before he fully turned to face you, sensing that this sounded fairly serious.

Definitely not casual either.

"I wanted to uh, talk to you about something." The temptation to smack yourself on the forehead was growing unbearably stronger by the second, but you imagined that would probably raise some concern. Your hands twitched by your sides instead.

"What is it?"

"Well, it's kind of- I basically, well." You tried to awkwardly laugh it off, but sighed instead, just fucking say it, fucking lie to your best friend to find out if he's jealous, "There's this guy."

His eyebrows raised, lips parting, before he quickly snapped his mouth shut and furrowed his eyebrows, taking on a sort of clinical expression as he nodded, motioning for you to continue.

"He's uh... I really- like... him, and... he's..." You took a breath, too many pauses, "different, you know?"

He scrunched his face up, "Different? What does that even mean."

"I don't know I just-" You covered your face with your hands, regretting every decision that had led you to this point. "I really want him to like me."

It was quiet for a moment, and you wanted to peak at him, but couldn't.

Bucky sighed, hands gently taking hold of your wrists to pull your hands away from your face, "Look sweetheart, if he's really a smart guy, he'll already like you. Any person would be lucky to have you, you don't need to change for anyone."

You rolled your eyes at him but smiled nonetheless, "I know Buck, thank you. I just..."

Don't overthink it.

"I was wondering if maybe, you might give me some advice? I'm seeing him on Monday and I guess I just want to make him want me, you know?"

He paused, still holding onto your wrists, "Want you?"

"Yeah, you know like- I wanna know what guys really like. I want to make sure he'll never forget me. That sort of thing."

"Sweets, I don't know if you should be asking me that. Why don't you just talk to Natasha if it's that important." He said, letting go of your wrists and pulling away.

"Because I want to hear it from a guy, and Steve's far too awkward for this conversation. C'mon Buck, please. I want you to teach me."

"You want me to teach you?" He asked, more than slightly breathless, and you quickly realised that this sounded much less like getting advice for a guy you like and more trying to get info on what Bucky liked sex-wise.

You did not plan for it to go down that route, and you wondered if you should pull it back, change the subject and try this again another time, without getting too explicit, but the way Bucky had almost whispered those words, was driving you insane. You wanted this to go further. "Yeah, I want to give this guy the night of his life."

He clenched his jaw, and tried not to laugh at the situation, almost tempted to text Natasha at that very moment and break the news. 'Jaw has clenched, I repeat, the jaw has clenched'. You managed to keep that temptation under control, still finding the situation slightly humorous before you actually realised what this meant.

Holy fuck, he's jealous.

You knew now was as good a time as any to push further, and with your new-found realisation, came a new-found confidence, the nerves pushed to the back of your mind, the only thing left of them being the fluttering in your chest.

"What do you think I should wear?" You held back a smirk when he leaned forward in his seat, elbows rested on his knees as he dropped his face into his hands. You kept pushing, "Remember that green dress I wore to your birthday last year? Do you think I should wear that one? You'd think he'd like that? Would you like it if it were you?"

"What do you mean if it were me?"

You froze, your cheeks heating up, that heat spreading to your neck as you quickly tried to save yourself whilst keeping this strange relaxed smoothness to your voice. "If you went on a date with Pheobe, and she wore that dress, would you like it?" You asked, before deciding to push it even further. Natasha's voice echoed in your mind 'play with him a little', "Would you think about taking it off her?"

He didn't even hesitate to reply, turning his head to look at you as he continued to sit forward, an almost angered air to his words, "It wouldn't suit her."

"You don't like it? But I thought-"

"Yes, I liked the dress, you looked fucking gorgeous in it. It just would suit her." He urged, the words coming out in one breath, his voice straining over the final word as if it was physically uncomfortable to say, like he held a certain distaste for the word. Her.

You could sense the atmosphere in the room changing, warping with the darker, heavy feeling that radiated off the man you were teasing without him even realising it, and although you knew you should probably stop, that you were getting on his nerves and for some reason this seemed to be a touchy subject, that nagging, red-headed voice was seeping into your thoughts again, telling you to go further, so you continued to push.

"Would he like it do you think?" You asked, tilting your head, keeping that sickly sweet innocent look on your face, he sighed and closed his eyes, his tongue wetting his lips again, teeth biting at the soft skin.

"If he had half a brain he'd fucking love it." He breathed, eyebrows furrowing along the words 'fucking love it' and you knew exactly what he was thinking of, the picture he had in his head.

Your smile faded, watching the way he opened his eyes but kept them trained to his feet. That heat grew in your chest, that weight, that feeling, weaving its way around your heart and seeping into your bloodstream, it carried through your veins, and suddenly you had never felt closer to your teenage self than you did now, like she had pushed the older you aside and taken her place, because she knew this feeling, she was the only version of you to ever fully accept and admit it for what it was, that the reason she blushed so much when her best friend asked her to prom because he'd rather go with you than some random girl he didn't care about, was because you loved him, and of course you still do now, of course you do.

You thought of what Pheobe said that night, you thought of what Natasha was constantly telling you, or that time Steve accidentally slipped that Bucky had a crush on you when you were younger, and you looked at him now, quickly realising that it was never them who warped your idea of Bucky's feelings, it was you.

The feeling had encapsulated your entire being now, the realisation of yours and his feelings and you decided that you had both waited far too long if this is what you wanted.

And you wanted him.

So you continued to play, speaking with a much more serious air this time, you didn't smirk, you just watched him as you spoke.

"I guess that's settled then, I just need to know what to wear under it." You practically whispered it, the warm apartment feeling sweltering now.

"Fuck." He whispered to himself, dropping his head in his hands again, "What are you doing?"

He looked at you from his bent position, almost looking desperate. No, he did look desperate, and you hated and loved it at the same time, for two very different reasons, you understood exactly what he was feeling, having been a victim to his teasing one too many times.

You parted your lips to talk, thinking for a second that you might actually be upsetting him, but then his eyes dropped to watch the movement, staring at your lips as he released a breath.

"I'm asking you for advice, Buck." You said quietly, eyes darkening as you leaned closer, your nose almost touching his and his eyes dropped again, entranced by your lips, "What about kissing?"

His lips parted, eyes darting up to meet yours, but he made no move to go back, in fact, you realised with a feather-light touch of his nose to yours, that he had inched closer to you, "What?"

His eyes were soft as he waited for you to speak, no apprehension to be seen.

"I need to know how to kiss him, how guys like it, you know?" He moved back an inch, that not so subtle disappointment in his eyes, "How do you like to be kissed, Buck?"

He shook his head in a barely there movement, eyes still not leaving yours, swallowing roughly when he caught you looking at his lips.

You moved closer to him, filling that inch that he had put between you, your heart thumping faster in your chest when he did the same, like he was magnetised, he looked at your lips again and you decided to take the chance.

"Like this?" You asked, before filling the gap completely and your pressed your lips to his, kissing him soft and slow, your stomach fluttering when he didn't hesitate to reciprocate, kissing you back the exact way you were guiding him to, but you pulled back before letting it continue for long, his breath fanning out across your lips, you gaze fluttered to his eyes for a moment, "Or like this?"

You kissed him again, this time harder, more urgency in it, your right hand lifting to his shoulder before you slid it to the nape of his neck, a sudden desperate need for his lips on every inch of your skin overcoming your thoughts when his arms wrapped around your waist.

You pulled away again and he tried desperately hard to follow you, eyes opening to voice his frustration when you wouldn't let him.

But you brushed your thumb across his bottom lip, silencing him, "Or maybe like this."

This, this was definitely the one.

You kissed him soft and slow, but this time parted your lips to brush your tongue across his, relishing in the noise that escaped him when you did so, and the way he then did the same to you, parting his lips in a way that breathed hot air into the kiss.

You were so enraptured with the taste of him that you barely even noticed when he pulled you onto his lap, your knees digging into the couch on either side of him. You only realised when his thighs between yours had suddenly stopped your ability to squeeze your thighs together in hopes of relieving that throbbing ache that had formed between them.

This kiss continued much longer than you had planned it to, forgetting what you were going to do next, but you didn't mind much, too caught up in the way his lips were so stupidly soft and his tongue was hot and wet, and his hands were huge and grasping at your clothes with a desperation so similar to the way you pulled his hair.

You pulled away again, much to his dismay as he practically growled and rolled his eyes in frustration. He rested his head back against the couch and licked his kiss swollen lips.

You needed more, barely letting yourself think about the fact that you had just kissed Bucky, The Bucky, Your Bucky.

"What about this, Buck? You like it when a girl does this?" You asked and he frowned, looking up at you in almost annoyed confusion, opening his mouth to speak but then you moved forward on his lap, sitting in a way that your core was pressed against his, his cock twitching in his sweatpants when you rolled those hips of yours, the annoyance and confusion faded and he reached for your hips, eyes fluttering shut when you made the movement again, biting your lip when it stimulated your clit, "Do you think you could come from this, Bucky? Or would you need more? Would you want my hand, or my mouth? Or would you just be begging to fuck me at this point."

He groaned at practically every question, his hands holding your hips as you grinded yourself on him, his cock now achingly hard as his hips started to lift slightly.

"Fuck, sweetheart, what is this? Why are you doing this?" He asked, his voice urgent and needy as he forced himself to stay still under you, gripping your hips tighter to signal for you to stop your movements, much to either of your dismay, "Please tell me this isn't all for some fuckin' guy."

You froze, confused for a second, before realising he still had no idea, and that guilt you had shoved away creeped back in.

Your heart was in your throat as you finally told him the truth, "It is, but he's you Buck. It was always you, it's always been you."

His lips parted, eyes widening slightly at what you had just confessed to him, "I'm the guy you were asking me advice about?"

"Well yeah, who else am I gonna get better advice about what you like from? Better to hear it from the horses mouth, eh?" You smiled sheepishly, shrugging your shoulders as you watched him huff a laugh with a shake of his head.

"Natasha, right?" He asked, raising an eyebrow but you didn't respond, probably looking very guilty of his accusation, "Well, I guess I should tell you that we may have been two-timed by her. She actually gave me the very same advice a few months ago, I just never had the guts to take it as far as you did."

"You talk to Nat about me?" You teased, but he only smiled gently, soft eyes watching you.

"Of course I do, how could I not tell her all about the girl I've been in love with since I was 15." He confessed quietly, blush reddening his cheeks, "God, she must be sick of me talking about you."

You laughed quietly, trying not to settle into the disbelief of it all and instead focus on your excitement, that teenage girl inside of you was screaming with glee and kicking her feet. You didn't let realisation that James Barnes just confessed he'd loved you the whole time you'd loved him be tainted with regret about wasted time.

"She must be sick of us both, I've been doing the same thing ever since I met her."

He smiled at you and you smiled back, pressed your forehead against his.

"What do we do now?" You asked, still very much feeling the physical after-effects of your intense make-out session.

Bucky huffed a laugh, "I'd love to say go to the bedroom, but not yet, I think we should work up to that."

You nodded and smiled, understanding what he meant and feeling thankful he was able to voice it for you, "Agreed."

"We could do this for a while longer though, still got four and a half twilight movies left to go." Bucky joked, his fingers finding their way under your shirt to brush against soft skin.

"Hm, sounds like an excuse to make out with your best friend all night."

"Maybe it is." He whispered back before he kissed you again, using his hand on your back to press you against him.

It felt so natural to the both of you, your bodies fitting together perfectly, no awkwardness or anxiety. You knew you'd both need to talk properly soon, but that could wait a few movies more, for now you could settle with kissing him until you ran out of air.

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atinylittlepain · 1 year

Note

Hi! I hope you’re well! I have a Joel request please!Reader collects keychains from the different states/places she travels. She’s a bit introverted, and she and joel are both quiet and don’t talk too much, nut she’s a good listener. After a close call with a clicker, reader feels like a burden to joel. Joel reassures her that she’s not but she’s still not sure. Joel gives her a keychain that he finds during their travel & it’s a happy ending. Also can there be an age gap lol

Hope this isn’t too much, but please feel free to make any changes/adjustments :)

Thank you!

sweet anon, this idea is so lovely - i hope i've done it justice <3

Pieces of Our Path - A Joel Miller Story

Joel Miller x f!reader

joel miller masterlist

warnings | 18+ canon-typical violence, angst, joel is a ding dong, and then fluff bc it's good for your cholesterol :)

.........................

“I’ll be right back. Wanna go check in that gas station.” “Tell me this ain’t what I think it’s for.” All she can do is smile as a blush creeps up her neck because it is exactly what he thinks it’s for. Joel huffs at her expression.

“I-I haven’t found one for Wyoming yet. Think I oughta get one since we’re living here now and all.” She knows it’s silly, frivolous, maybe even downright stupid, but she’s been collecting them for so long now, finding one for nearly every state they’ve crossed through, that she needs her collection to be complete.

Joel had often given her an exasperated look when she’d show him a new one she had found, never asking why she held onto all those keychains. They don’t talk much, and she supposes that’s why they’ve worked so well together, managing to get Ellie across the country, and when that went sideways, limping back to Tommy’s place, where they find themselves living now. It’s the first time they’ve been settled anywhere together, ever, and they’ve both been working out their stir-craziness with patrol shifts and scavenging trips.

“Just make it quick, alright? I’ll cover the outside. You holler if you need me.” She nods at his gruff words, already hustling over to the crumbling gas station and shouldering her way in through the rusted door. It’s dark inside, slants of light pock-marking the mossy tiles and shelves. Her fingers flex around the handle of her knife as she creeps further into the store, moving toward what used to be a checkout counter. After so long on the road, she knows where to look for these things. Joel had once joked that the keychains seemed to find her more than she found them. Sure enough, there’s a few scattered over the floor, but before she can get a better look at them, she’s startled by a loud screech coming from behind her.

It happens so quick, all she can do is let out a yelp as she gets slammed to the ground by an infected, all clawing hands and gnashing teeth as she struggles to keep it at bay. Her knife had skittered out of her hand at the impact, and as she tries to push the creature away with little success, fear starts to creep up her spine that this might be it. Just as suddenly as it attacked her, the creature stiffens before slumping down on top of her, but its body is quickly shoved off of her to reveal Joel standing over her, knife in hand. There’s a frantic look in his eyes that she’s never seen before as he kneels down between her legs and helps her sit up. The rough palms of his hands scurry all over her, checking her neck, her arms, her legs for bites. His face slackens just slightly when he finds no evidence of infection, cupping her face in his palms.

“Are you hurt?” She takes a steadying breath as his eyes hold her in place, her hands wrapped over his forearms.

“I’m ok. Joel, I’m so–” He doesn’t let her finish that sentence.

“C’mon, we need to get out of here.” He helps haul her up on unsteady feet. She feels her stomach drop when she glances back at the mottled body of the clicker, quick to hustle out of the gas station and back onto the road. Joel doesn’t say anything more, an unspoken agreement that they need to head back to Jackson. But she can see the way his hands clench around the strap of his rifle until his knuckles turn white, the hard set of his jaw as he walks alongside her. It doesn’t take a genius to see that Joel Miller is angry, and she knows it’s all her fault.

She spends the whole hike back cursing herself in her mind. She had put herself in danger, and in turn had put Joel in danger, for such a stupid, useless thing. Harsh thoughts are quick to burrow into her head, namely that Joel would be so much better off with someone smarter, more careful, someone older, as his… she’s not even sure what she is to him. They’ve been traveling together for so long now, but she’s hesitant to think of them as anything, even if they do end up tangled in the same bed most nights, something they excused as a simple human need for closeness, nothing more. She supposes that they’ve been a quiet comfort to each other, but not anymore, not now that she’s failed him.

Anxiety rages on in her mind, and Joel’s icy silence does nothing to assuage it. Even when they get back to Jackson, he won’t so much as look at her, trudging straight to the bar. She lets out a heavy sigh and keeps her head down as she shuffles off in the opposite direction toward their house.

It’s quiet when she gets home, and she figures Ellie must be out on her own shift still. She goes straight to her room, the room she has been spending so little time in, Joel usually coaxing her into his bed because they both sleep better with each other near. She had stashed the other keychains in a crumpled shoebox she found in the closet, and would often get it out to thumb through the evidence of her wanderings. Normally, it was a comfort to her, being able to trace her past in these plastic relics, but now, looking in the box, all she feels is sick to her stomach. She shoves the box back into the closet, slamming the door shut and swallowing hard around the thick heat building in her throat.

A wave of exhaustion passes over her, the adrenaline from her close encounter finally wearing off, and it’s all she can do to collapse onto her bed in a tight curl as the first tears start to fall.

..,

She wakes with a start, light hands shaking her shoulder, and as she squints her eyes open, she finds Ellie hovering over her, a furrowed look of worry across her face. She lets out a ragged sigh as she sits up, Ellie leaning back on the bed.

“Are you alright?” She presses the heels of her hands into her eyes, bloodshot and tired from crying, but she nods at Ellie’s question.

“I’m fine, kid. Just tired, that’s all.” Ellie clearly doesn’t buy that, eyebrows shooting up at her.

“You sure about that? Saw the old man down at the bar, and you and I both know he only goes there when he’s really pissed.” She huffs, shaking her head and wishing Ellie didn’t know her and Joel so well.

“We had a bad shift. I, um, did something stupid.” Silence settles over them after she finishes murmuring her answer, but Ellie is quick to break it.

“Whatever it was, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad. You want me to go talk to him? I can knock a little sense into his head.” She rests her hand on Ellie’s knee and offers her a small smile.

“That’s alright, kid. Um, it was pretty bad. We’re both ok– but, yeah– it was bad. Joel’s right to be angry at me.” Ellie settles down, pressing her lips into a thin line as she nods.

“Well, I’m glad you’re alright at least. Do you need anything? Is there anything I can do?” Her smile broadens at the girl’s words. Ellie had been and continues to be a bright spot in her world, and she muses briefly that if not for her, she would have already packed up and skipped town this afternoon, something she thinks would certainly be welcomed by Joel.

“No, I’ll be ok, kid, but thank you. Think I’m just gonna lay low tonight.” The girl bites her lip, clearly not convinced by her words, but she still nods.

“Um, ok. Well, in that case, is it alright if I go to movie night tonight?”

“Is Dina gonna be there?” Ellie’s grin is contagious, and she laughs lightly at the girl’s flushed reaction.

“It’s alright kid, you should go. Just be safe, huh?” Ellie surprises her just a little with her quick hug before she gets up off the bed, digging her hands into her jean pockets.

“I’m glad you’re alright. And, Joel’s just– emotionally constipated, you know? I’m sure he’s not really mad at you, he’s just acting like it. But he’ll calm down. He likes you too much to be such an asshole to you for long.” That makes her really laugh, and the feeling is a relief, a weight off her chest, if even just briefly.

“Thanks for that, kid. You should go, they’re gonna start the movie soon I bet.” Ellie offers her one more smile before leaving. She slumps back in bed the moment she hears the front door close.

…

It’s much later when she’s woken up again by much harsher hands jostling her. It’s completely dark in her room, and she groans as she fumbles to switch on the lamp on her nightstand. She certainly wasn’t expecting to see a clearly drunk Joel Miller hovering over her.

“Why’re you in here?” His words are thick and slurred, his southern accent tugging low in his throat to the point she can just make out what he’s saying. His cheeks are flushed, his eyes watery and wavering as he looks at her. She’s never seen him this drunk before.

“I-I was getting some sleep. Joel, how much have you ha–” She’s cut off as he slumps over her where he had been sitting on the edge of the bed, his cheek smushing into her collarbone and the mussed waves of his hair grazing her chin. His words are even more slurred as he speaks now, hot breaths fanning over her throat.

“Y’never sleep in here. Wan’ you with me. Should always be with me.” He hiccups at the end of his words, jolting her in his heavy hold as he lets out a long sigh. She’s never seen him like this and has to swallow the shock sitting in her throat as he continues to mumble to her.

“Scared me so bad today. Don– don’t do that again. Need– need you– I need you.” It’s breaking her heart, listening to him say these things– things she had often imagined hearing him say to her– but only because he’s drunk enough to not give a shit. She huffs, tamping down her sadness and instead letting anger simmer in its place. She presses hard on his shoulders to sit him back up as he grumbles at the movement, his head slumping back on his neck to look at her as she stands up.

“Where you going, pretty? Jus’ stay with me.” He practically whines out the last word, and she’s heard enough. She dips under his one arm to hoist him up off the bed, stumbling a bit as he leans most of his weight on her.

“C’mon, Joel. I’m gonna get you to bed.” He huffs as they start to shuffle down the hallway to his room.

“Will you stay with me, darlin? Ple– please.” Now she knows he must be drunk off his head, because in all her time knowing him, she has never once heard Joel Miller say the word please until tonight. She grits her teeth, hauling them both through the doorway to his bedroom.

“I’ll stay with you, alright? Just– just sit down.” She gracelessly plops him on the side of the bed, a hard “oof” leaving his mouth as he sits down. She moves over to his bathroom to get him a glass of water, having swatted away his grabby hands with a murmured “be right back.”

By the time she comes back into the bedroom, she finds Joel slumped back on the bed, his legs dangling off the edge as he snores lightly. She sighs, setting down the glass before moving over to him and taking off his boots. He mumbles nonsense as she swings his legs up onto the bed, folding the comforter over to cover him up as best she can.

She doesn’t stay.

…

It’s late the next morning when she finally goes downstairs. It had been a fitful night of sleep, and she had gone back to Joel’s room a few times to check on him, finding him still passed out each time. She stops by his door on the way downstairs and sees that he’s no longer in bed. Padding into the kitchen, she finds coffee brewed, but no sign of him or Ellie. She figures Ellie spent the night with Dina, but is still left wondering where Joel could be. As she shuffles through the house, she finally catches a glimpse of him in the living room window, sitting on the porch out back. She has to take a steadying breath before she steps outside.

He doesn’t say anything as she sits down next to him, neither of them glancing each other’s way.

“How’s your head?” He scoffs, still not looking at her as she glances at him.

“About how you’d expect. Suppose I deserve it though.” She doesn’t say anything to that, keeping her eyes focused on her fidgeting hands in her lap. It feels like there’s cotton in her mouth, she keeps trying to say something else, but gets stuck before she can even get the first word out. Luckily, Joel breaks the silence again.

“Need to apologize. Acted a fucking fool last night and you shouldn’t have had to deal with that.” She swallows thickly before responding, her voice an uncertain murmur.

“I-it’s alright. I’m sorry too– for yesterday.” He finally looks at her, brow furrowed.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

“Yes I do. You wouldn’t have had a reason to drink so much if I hadn’t fucked up so badly yesterday. I understand. I’d be angry too.” His face slackens at her words and she can barely meet his unwavering gaze.

“What’re you talking about? I wasn’t angry– I was fucking terrified. Seeing you– I just– I couldn’t– fuck, the thought of something happening to you– I was shaken. And I handled it like an idiot, and I’m sorry.”

“Maybe you’d be better off without me then.” A heavy silence falls, but Joel quickly breaks it with a scoff.

“Don’t say shit like that.”

“I mean it.” “Well don’t. I wouldn’t be better off without you, goddamn it. I’d fall apart if I lost you.” Sober, this is the most he’s ever said about how he feels for her, and it makes her heart race in her chest.

She’s been keeping her eyes on her lap, but is forced to look at him as he turns her face toward him with a broad palm along the arc of her jaw. His eyes are soft, searching, and it’s all she can do to let out a sigh of his name.

“I can’t lose you, darlin. Pfft, better off without you. I’d be hopeless without you, huh?” She gathers up whatever courage she has in her, bringing her hand to the arc of his neck to coax him closer as she leans in. It’s a fluttering little thing of a kiss, her lips barely brushing his before she’s jerking away, but Joel steadies her with his hand still cupping her cheek, thumb brushing just under her eye.

“I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t ha–” he surges forward and this kiss is certain in what it demands, what it means. She all but melts under his touch, mind hazy when he pulls away and presses his forehead to hers.

“I’m old– and no good for you– but fuck, I’m selfish, darlin. And I need you. Tell me you’ll stay with me, please.” There it is again, that rare word. She smiles.

“I-I need you too, Joel. I’ll stay. I’ll always stay with you.” He presses another kiss to her lips, both of them grinning into it before sitting back as he wraps his arm around her shoulders to tug her into his side.

“I, um, I have something for you.” She cranes her neck to look at him with a furrowed expression. He huffs as he digs into the front pocket of his jeans, holding his palm out flat in front of her. When she sees what he’s holding, she lets out a spluttering laugh. It’s a keychain, in the shape of Wyoming.

“When did you–”

“I picked it up as we were getting out of there. Figured it shouldn’t be for nothing, right?” She laughs again, shaking her head at the smug grin on his face.

She lays her palm over his, tangling their fingers together with the keychain pressed between their hands. They smile like idiots at each other. She knows that wherever the next keychain comes from, she can count on Joel Miller being there with her.

#joel miller angst #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel miller one shot #joel miller fluff #joel miller imagine #joel tlou #tlou hbo #tlou #tlou fanfiction

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libraincarnate · 1 year

Text

astrology notes: 13 🌅

quick note: i'm absolutely not an astrologer. these are just a collection of some observations, thoughts, theories, and personal experiences. above all this is just for fun. lastly, these may or may not apply to you but you might find something to be true about your friends, family, or lover. enjoy!

🌞 the sign/water sign that’s labeled as the most emotional is cancer but pisces are also so emotional that they can compete with cancer for 1st place.

anyway, pisces can be super lovey dovey, the type to look at their partner like everything good & beautiful in this world is found within them. pisces feel emotions deeply and it can weigh so heavily on them that it feels overwhelming to the point they wish it would just stop. it reminds me of how stefan salvatore described what it’s like being a vampire to elena gilbert in tvd, how everything is heightened & they feel both the highs and the lows strongly and for this reason many vampires choose to turn off their humanity/emotions.

🌞 having your sun & north node in the 5th or 12th house can indicate musical talent that you are known for but this doesn’t particularly mean fame on a massive scale. you might play multiple instruments, you might be a self-taught musician, if you’re taught by someone else you’re a fast learner and you can connect the dots or notice patterns that take you further in your musical abilities & musical intelligence. and instead of being a famous musician/singer you may play in a band, an orchestra, or at a church but you’re very well known for your talents locally or on a smaller scale.

🌞 libras are the type to ask you which outfit or lip gloss to wear just to choose something else or ask someone else. sometimes asking for another opinion is enough & other times it only makes them more indecisive.

🌞 the face of a gemini rising is so interesting. they definitely look younger than they really are & probably get mistaken for a much younger age. there are people who have drastic glow ups & some who look the same pretty much throughout their whole life. but with gemini risings, if you compare like 10 different pictures of them from childhood to present day it looks like 10 different people that look related but not the same, it looks like they could be sisters or brothers but it doesn’t look like the same person.

🌞 aries in the 11th house: even after getting to know you, your friends may still find you intimidating. may have a lot of male friends or you did growing up, because of this it’s possible that getting attention from men doesn’t faze you. doesn’t give in to peer pressure, may like to play fight or play sports with your friends, but they could think you’re a bit aggressive at times. the competitive friend, “last one to the car is a rotten egg!”

🌞 uranus in the 8th house: you might have an enthusiastic fascination with 8th house related themes. initially this may come as a surprise to you since a lot of these themes are considered dark or forbidden. if you share this side of you with others, they're also surprised cause it's something hidden & no one would have guessed it. you might listen to heavy metal, practice witchcraft, always talk about astrology, or death because the mystery surrounding it intrigues you. people may also think you’re weird for liking these things or they may try to discourage you from doing them .. but that doesn’t stop you.

🌞 retrograde planets like pluto, mars, or mercury in the 1st house, chart ruler in the 8th or 12th house, or having many planets including your chart ruler in retrograde: you may feel doomed, cursed, or scared to live because you’re so familiar with the difficulties and the challenging side of life. you’ve faced obstacle after obstacle & it feels relentless, or you’ve experienced great suffering & trauma that has taken such a toll on you that you’re paranoid of suffering in the future. you almost expect it and you can have a very pessimistic perspective of life. here’s an extra heart for you guys, ♥. life can feel extra hard so remember to be extra nice to yourselves!

🌞sags: integrity is something they take seriously. if you’re going to say something you better mean it and if you’re going to do something then just do it. they expect people to stay true to their words and follow through with their actions but they also strive to do the same. they put great importance on morals, it’s almost like a compass for these nomadic natives. despite how wild and carefree sags can be, they still care about their reputation. but this means being themselves, living their lives according to their rules & not caring what people think as long as they know people are seeing the true & authentic version of them.

🌞 3rd house synastry: there’s a lot of bonding and making memories together. taking road trips together may be something the two of you enjoy. this reminds me of the movie twilight when bella’s mom gifted her a quilt made of t-shirts they got and saved as souvenirs from the road trips they took. the two of you are probably always talking to each other, having late night conversations, falling asleep on the phone, really getting to know each other well both inside & out, understanding how their mind works, finishing each other’s sentences. it’s possible the two of you went to school together when you were younger. or you show them an old picture of yourself & they notice the area in the background, come to find out the two of you grew up in the same neighborhood or city even though you’ve never met before or you don’t remember meeting them.

🌞 lilith in the 11th house: these natives may dislike technology or the internet/social media for what it is/has become or the way that people use it. they may take periodic breaks from social media & may be against cancel culture. could hate the structure of society or the way the world works & may wish they could live on another planet/in another world.

🌞 venus represents beauty, pluto represents transformation, saturn represents delay & reward, and jupiter represents blessings & expansion. for these reasons i think venus making an aspect to these planets can indicate a glow up.

venus-pluto: the type to come out of the dark looking different but better than ever

venus-saturn: the one who looks better and better as they get older & aging like fine wine

venus-jupiter: this can indicate someone who was born beautiful/handsome but then they reach another point in their life where they become prettier or even more attractive.

🌞 harsh mars-moon aspects: can indicate someone irritable, someone who wrestles with their emotions, their feelings can feel burdensome, what they’re feeling can get in the way of them taking action because their emotions may feel like a disturbance or distraction. when they’re upset they may want to break things, they may be prone to expressing & releasing their emotions in a physical way.

🌞 libra, taurus, cancer, or pisces venus in the 2nd/4th house: they’re the type to look good in public and in the privacy of their home, even if they live alone. they might like wearing lounge wear & pajamas but they still look good. could have their hair done, jewelry on, etc. & it doesn’t have to be in a super elaborate way, but it can be. may like buying beautiful and good quality pajamas. the type to wear perfume/cologne to bed or scented lotion. a cute sleep mask & glamorous ear plugs like audrey hepburn in breakfast at tiffany’s.

🌞 having prominent virgo/18° placements: you may frequently find yourself in a place of servicing or helping others, even if you don’t want to. it just seems to be a theme in your life.

in the 4th house you may help out at home a lot or your mom depends on you/relies on you for assistance.

in the 6th house you may do volunteer work or you tend to stay late & help at your job.

in the 9th house perhaps you help out at church by organizing events, keeping the sanctuary clean, dedicating your time to religious service.

🌞 4th house ruler in the 8th house: paranoid at home, may feel like your family is always watching you, may feel like they go through your stuff, a lack of privacy at home, power struggles with your mom.

🌞 3rd house ruler in the 8th house: day dreaming about sex, a seductive way of communicating, perhaps not much of a presence on social media, intrusive thoughts about your past, researching the occult.

🌞 7th house ruler in the 2nd house: benefiting monetarily from your relationships, sugar baby, making great profit from business relations, a luxurious wedding, spending money on others, giving gifts as a way to show your love and appreciation, financial losses from lawsuits, possibly getting sued by someone you trusted or someone you were close to.

🌞 10th house ruler in the 7th house: using your connections to reach your goals, your relationships having an influence on your reputation, enemies sabotaging your opportunities, a pleasant relationship with your dad, committed to your work, elevating your partner’s life, potentially a spouse or relationships that comes with fame, building a career may be a bigger priority than being in a relationship.

🌞 leo moon: not the type who’s afraid to tell people how they feel, may be known as emotional, it may be easy for them to validate their feelings & see how they’ve been hurt by others but it may be hard for them to realize how they’ve hurt someone else, expressing their feelings through creative outlets such as art or music, very-family oriented, could feel an emotional attachment to their hair, the friend to turn to when in despair.

🌞 if you check your birth chart and the birth charts of your family members, you might notice some kind of pattern that reveals shared/similar experiences or recurring themes within your family.

for example, my friend, his brother, and his dad all had experiences of nearly drowning. he & his dad have a 12th house stellium with 8th house placements, his brother has an 8th house stellium with 12th house placements, and they all have neptune in their stellium. (the 8th & 12th house are ruled by water signs, and neptune is associated with water or the ocean/sea)

if there’s a pattern of issues with the women in your family, estranged mother-daughter relationships, a lack of closeness between family members, or family dysfunction you may notice a pattern of lilith or chiron in the 4th house/cancer, moon in the 8th/12th house, or an empty 4th house.

perhaps your family is really into sports, your parents & grandparents played sports professionally, or perhaps you & your siblings played sports in school. maybe you watch the super bowl every year together as tradition, frequently go to sporting events, or there’s just a pattern of sports fanatics throughout your family. if so, there could be a pattern of a 5th house stellium, mars dominant, 9th house ruler in the 5th house, aries in the 10th house, or mars-saturn aspects.

if there’s a pattern of late marriages, a lack of romantic relationships, or troublesome marriages you may notice a pattern of saturn in the 7th house, harsh venus-saturn aspects, venus in retrograde in the 7th house, harsh venus-jupiter aspects.

🌞 speaking of family, birth charts, & patterns, i just analyzed mine and my family’s charts based on appearance and i want to scream. i looked at our natal charts, along with our venus & ascendant persona charts. in those charts i focused on the ascendant & venus, including the sign they’re placed in & the degrees. & i also looked at dominant signs as well, but only in the natal chart because i was really going down a rabbit hole and had to stop myself.

i took all those things into consideration because as i said in another post, i believe there are so many factors to consider regarding appearance in astrology other than the rising sign of your birth chart.

the 4 main signs that realllly showed up and kept repeating were sag, virgo, libra, leo, and scorpio.

for example, my mom doesn’t have any prominent sag placements while my dad has a sag rising in his ascendant persona chart & sag is one of his dominant signs in his natal chart. my mom is a little above the average women’s height in my country but my siblings & i are tall like my dad.

my mom has dimples but doesn’t have any prominent libra placements or freckles. i’ve mentioned before how i’m libra/venus dominant with tons of dimples/freckles/birth marks, etc. but my dad also has a libra rising in his birth chart and he’s decorated with freckles, beauty marks, etc. just like me, minus the dimples.

leo is one of my mom’s dominant signs in her natal chart and my dad has a leo rising in his venus persona chart. i have a rising sign at 29° (leo degree) & one of the things that stand out about my appearance is my hair and people always comment on my hair as well.

these are just a few examples of the patterns i’ve noticed. but you guys, when i say it goes on & on? i mean it. i literally had to create a chart to keep track of how many times each sign showed up because it just kept on repeating and i eventually called it quits. i literally looked like the pepe silvia meme of charlie from it's always sunny in philadelphia.

i just want to end this by saying obviously doctors or scientists don’t look at a person’s appearance or genetics and say “omg your dad is a leo rising so you probably got your big hair from him.” so i’m not saying any of this is fact or evidence, but when i look at our charts and compare our appearances it’s so cool to see a relevant pattern in astrology. perhaps some of you may notice some interesting things about you & your family too.

if you read this until the end i hope you enjoyed it & thank you so much for reading. ♥︎︎♥︎︎♥︎︎, those hearts are for you.

#astrology #astrology notes #astro notes #astro observations #astrology observations #libraincarnate

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grapementos · 11 months

Text

perseverance

aged up bakugo x reader

pt. 3 to this

numerous panic attacks had ensued since you were discharged from the hospital, but not all of them reached their final stages like the first had.

you’d grown better at grounding yourself and having some semblance of control over your anxiousness. slowly but surely, you felt the pain ebbing away.

it would never be gone completely, you knew, and every day you questioned the possibility of things being different.

what if katsuki hadn’t quit being a hero? what if he’d proposed just as he’d planned to? would your wedding have been beautiful? your marriage successful and healthy?

there were so many what ifs that hurt your heart just to think about.

yet, all you did was think about it—in the best, healthiest way.

you set aside your pride and fears and confided not only in your friends, but in a therapist. you had sessions weekly, and every time you walked out of the office, you felt a little lighter.

for the first time, you understood that it was okay to still love katsuki, to still want to be with him. in fact, they initially expressed how they wished the two of you had tried couples therapy before everything went south.

that was another what if that hurt.

you were always the more rational, levelheaded one. why hadn’t you thought of it, encouraged it? would it have made a difference? those thoughts kept you awake at night, haunting your mind and mocking you with images of a perfect life with katsuki. the life you could've had.

those thoughts were bumps in your path to recovery. it was only through those thoughts, however, that you learned that the road wasn't linear. you had amazing days when you felt strong and independent, days when you'd feel like you were in a colgate commercial. other days, you wanted to set your apartment on fire and disappear. you wanted to scream until your voice was gone, vocal chords torn to shreds. some days, you just wanted everything to stop.

through the good and the bad, you were able to persevere through the challenging navigation of a breakup. still, you granted yourself permission to still love him. to be in love with him. that love would never just vanish, you'd realized a few months into your journey. it dulled, flickered, and faded, but never vanished.

you'd found that implementing a routine in your daily life had greatly improved your overall mental health.

this morning, you turned on the news as you made yourself breakfast--a meal you forced yourself to consume, no matter how little it was.

as you grabbed what you needed from the cupboards, a name in the news had you pausing everything.

"...following his spontaneous philanthropic streak, former hero dynamight announces that he will be hosting a tell-all session at our local library. there, he intends to, quote, 'make amends with those i might have hurt with my words, actions, or lack thereof...' well, you heard it here. don't miss a valiant display of heroic vulnerability today at noon. in other news..."

you gaped at the tv, the glass bowl slipping from your suddenly clammy fingers.

philanthropic streak? where had you been?

the sound of the glass breaking reached your ears a whole minute after it hit the ground, snapping you out of your dumbfounded stupor.

"shit," you cursed, crouching down to pick up the pieces.

no, don't even think about it.

you looked at the clock, reading 8 as the time. plenty of time for you to get dressed and go.

no.

you could easily make it in time and sit in the back, just to see him and hear what he had to say.

no.

you'd wear something inconspicuous and hide in the back, just being silent. and then you'd leave, after ten minutes.

no.

every no carried a little bit of yes at the end of it, forcefully dragging you out of the kitchen and into the bathroom for a shower. it was closure, you argued to yourself, closure that you desperately needed.

it's going to be excuses, nothing but lies.

dark clothes are the best choice, you decided, anxiously changing into something you deemed inconspicuous. just ten minutes, it was all you needed.

don't throw all your progress away for ten minutes.

you stared at the mirror, trying to find a single good reason to stay home. yet, every thought in your mind convinced you that this, this is what you needed. you needed to hear him express his regret, his remorse to other people. people who once trusted and supported him in his endeavors, only to be woefully let down by his bouts of anger.

this will just make you hurt more. don't do this.

you discarded every invasive voice in the back of your brain and found yourself at the library come noon, hidden behind a bookshelf. you browsed the shelves with unseeing eyes, thoughts drowned out by the low murmur of the large crowd seated in front of the small stage in the center.

the library was home to many plays around the city, which you found ironic. would this be another display of dramatism and lies?

just as you found a book with a flattering cover, the mic whined with a little feedback.

"sorry about that."

you knew the voice, but the genuineness was foreign to you. you peeked over the row of books, your blood running cold as you saw katsuki sitting meekly on a chair on the stage.

"hello, everyone. i'm, uh, i'm bakugo katsuki, but most of you might know me as dynamight," he began, scanning the crowd, "a lot of you might not be fond of me based, um, based on my time as a hero."

many voices mumbled in agreement at that, which made him laugh, just the slightest. it made your chest swell with pride he didn't deserve.

"and i really don't blame you. i carried a lot of my immaturity from high school into adulthood. my biggest problem was that i saw heroism as a means to an end, a," he motioned with his hands, trying to find the words, "a stepping stone to being 'the best'--whatever that means. and i got lost in my obsession with my image."

you listened intently, at least half sure that you were listening to a complete stranger talk. the katsuki you knew had nowhere near this much humility.

"with that being said, my first apology goes to you, the people of this beloved city. you deserved someone who had your best interest at heart, and i'm sorry that couldn't be me. but, rest assured, i am very familiar with the current top ten and can say with confidence that they are the heroes you deserve."

you found yourself tearing up at his words, so awestruck by the complete 360 in his persona.

the crowd cheered at his words, as pleasantly surprised with his chanage as you were.

"thank you," he chuckled when the crowd quieted down, "next, i'd like to apologize to my friends and family. they definitely got some of the worst of it. for years, they suggested therapy for the anger that i just couldn't seem to control. and for years, brushed them off, over and over again. i insisted that my anger was fuel for my quirk, when in reality, it was detrimental. dangerous. so, mom, dad, all my friends, i'm sorry it took me so long to take your advice. thank you for standing by me."

you werent sure if the session was being broadcasted, but you sure hope it was. kirishima, mina, sero, and denki deserved to hear it. more than that, you were shocked to discover that he'd also been in therapy. so he really meant it..

another round of applause.

"last, and most important," he sucked in a sharp breath, "i'd like to apologize to the love of my life."

you stilled, as if a bucket of cold water had been poured over your head. no, no way.

"i spent three amazing years with the only person i could ever see myself loving. they were the most patient, the most kind person you could ever imagine. they stood by me during every slandering headline, every angry episode, every single ugly moment. they were there."

you covered your mouth and crouched down to the floor, squeezing you eyes shut. no, hell no, you refused to cry.

he exhaled shakily, rubbing a sweaty palm against his jeans, "they were devoted to me, to us. i'd be nothing without their impact on my life, and i've done the worst job at showing it. i," he stammered, scrunching his eyebrows together, "i ruined what we had, and i've never regret anything more. i know all the philanthropy and therapy and apologies in the world can never take back my insensitivity, but i will never stop being sorry, and i swear i'll grow every day."

you had to clamp your hand harder over your mouth to prevent any sniffles or sobs from escaping and alerting everyone to your presence. his words were so genuine, so wholehearted that you knew he truly had changed.

"i'll love them forever, regardless of if they hate me. with that love, i'll destroy any semblance of the douchebag-asshole-monster i used to be." he smiled out to the crowd as a final goodbye, "thank you, everyone. you don't owe me your forgiveness, but i hope you'll consider forgiving me one day."

people clapped, whistled, cheered for him as he turned off the mic.

meanwhile, your heart was racing. you didn't have a single coherent thought in your mind other than the fact that he loved you. he loves you.

he wasn't begging or crying this time, his acts weren't out of desperation. he was completely and totally vulnerable in front of a group of people that he didn't even know included you.

as people flooded out of the library, you shakily pushed yourself to your feet. what now? how could you possibly be expected to walk all the way to your car and drive home in this state of mind?

with a quick breathing technique your therapist taught you, you calmed down enough to get your hands to stop trembling.

katsuki had started helping the security guards pick up and stack the chairs, making small talk with them as they cleaned up the area.

you wiped at your cheeks, hoping they weren't too blotchy. with a quiet breath, you silently crept away from behind the bookshelf and toward the exit.

unfortunately, your far-from ninja-like skills couldn't get past the years of hero instincts engraved in every muscle fiber of katsuki's body.

"y/n?"

you froze, shoulders tensing as you slowly turned around.

"hey, bakugo," you cleared your throat, averting your eyes, "that was, uh, that was nice of you. good job."

there was something undetectable in his face, something you couldn't put your finger on, "oh, thanks, i-" he stepped closer, but stopped when he sensed your hesitance, "i didn't expect to see you here."

"i didn't expect to be here." you said honestly, fidgeting with your fingers, "but i should, uh, probably get going."

he opened and shut his mouth a few times before he sighed and nodded, "okay. but i really meant it, you know? everything i said."

fuck, you were going to cry again. you didn't want to, not in front of him.

"i know." you nodded, "i don't.. hate you, you know? we both had issues that we chose to resolve separately."

"i just wish," he sighed, looking for the words, "i wish that was't the case."

you couldn't hold in your tears anymore, a few cascading down your cheek, but you quickly wiped them away.

"i know." you swallowed hard, trying to prevent your voice from doing that embarrassing, high-pitched crack, "i do too."

he opened his arms, offering a hug and you just couldn't say no. the space was so perfectly carved for you.

you hugged him tight, burying your face into his shoulder.

"i'm so sorry, y/n. i'm sorry for everything." he whispered into your hair, his voice wet with tears, "i never deserved you."

you just cried harder, knuckles white as you gripped onto the back of his shirt. you wanted to speak, to reassure him that it wasn't completely his fault, but you couldn't pause for a breath long enough to say a single word.

instead, the two of you dropped to the ground, arms wrapped around each other with a desperation that you only feel for each other. a once-in-a-lifetime desperation.

the two of you cried and held each other, and somehow you knew everything was going to be okay.

and this concludes the triology! thank you for the overwhelming support on this series that wasn't even meant to be a series!

taglist: @blackout-ice-biohazard @survivorofmath @iam-thevillain-of-thisstory @odessa-is-my-queen @firesmokeandashes @valentineshiftz @sil-ver-shadow @echosfadve

#my.archive.¥#anime #bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #angst #drabble #y/n #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #bakugo x reader #bakugo katsuki #bakusquad #katsuki bakugo x reader #x reader #gender neutral reader #grapeflop$

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bbanghiitomi · 2 months

Text

| ophelia

synopsis: hyein has a keen eye for observing people as well their energy, you have an eye that can see ghosts. when the child of your parents' friends starts a club, it leads them to you.

— non!idol!student!lhyein × non!idol!student!femreader!

note: implied platonic!

-⁠ᄒ⁠ᴥ⁠ᄒ⁠--⁠ᄒ⁠ᴥ⁠ᄒ⁠--⁠ᄒ⁠ᴥ⁠ᄒ⁠--⁠ᄒ⁠ᴥ⁠ᄒ⁠--⁠ᄒ⁠ᴥ⁠ᄒ⁠--⁠ᄒ

"geez, those girls again? they never get tired of their antics don't they?" you look at your friend — hyunseo as she looks over your shoulders to the abandoned underground hall of your school, you follow her line of sight to see five girls carrying flashlights and lined up on the way to the old exchange student building. "what are they doing?" you ask, hyunseo shrugs and laughs as she scratches her cheeks.

"ghost hunting? i don't know, their youngest member went around convincing others to join." it's getting dark, you finally walk past the old building to the pathway leading towards the main gate of the school campus. you've heard about this gimmick by that specific group of friends, you have found it ridiculous too but decided to just ignore them — it's not like their hurting anyone anyway.

you didn't realize hyein was actually serious about the ghost hunting thing, you've once thought she might have been fooling around and just making things up but she seems to be the person who doesn't lie. she goes around the class even sometimes to the floor beneath your classroom to recruit people to join but they always push her away and say she's absurd.

their friend group is made up of different ages, with hyein being the youngest — she's always the most enthusiastic about their whole gimmick, you've never been interested at all and sometimes would hear her talking about it to some people, sometimes the half australian girl would come to your classroom and converse with her.

actually you've never been interested in hyein at all, maybe she's cool, pretty, and fun but you were always surrounded by the same people and have never tried making conversations with hyein unless for school purposes, hyein has also never approached you about their ghost hunting gimmick, not that you minded it or whatever but you were just a bit jealous that other people seemed more fitting for it other than you.

"wouldn't they get in trouble if they got caught?" you ask hyunseo, who once again shrugs and looks at you whilst you two walk inside the district market. "didn't you know? jiwon who's in the same class as minji said that minji lives in our school dorms so sometimes they go to the suite lobby to kill some time." hyunseo answers, you two live in the same neighborhood — have you mentioned? hyein lives in the same block too?

you often see her playing in their front yard with the same group of people, but you never really see her when you go to school because oftentimes she's late.

"so, they get away from sneaking inside?" you ask, following behind hyunseo who shrugs. "you can say minji is a master at hiding trespassers." you laugh when she says that, you realize how different your friends are with hyein's... they're much more reserved, crazy loud when it's only the seven of you but everyone thinks differently.

you shift your eyes a bit and in the seemingly darkening skies then to the bustling market, you see a ghost nearby — you've had this ability to see spirits ever since you were a child, you've gotten used to it, so much that it doesn't faze you anymore. you feel the cold breeze of the air, everywhere you go— they're everywhere, you hate this feeling but it's been sticking to you no matter where you go.

"you okay?" hyunseo asks, looking back at you and you realize you've stopped walking, all of a sudden in the middle of the crowd. you blink your eyes and shake your head before following. "yeah, i just remembered something." you mutter, smiling at her.

in all honesty, you haven't told any of your friends about this peculiar ability, none of them have took notice of it... you were pretty good at hiding it. on the past few years growing up, you started to get braver when it comes to facing spirits, none of these dead souls know your ability so it was easy to avoid them but then again... you've made it your mission to look for your missing mother and the biggest mystery of her disappearance has something to do with ghosts.

hyunseo and the other girls know you're adopted, it wasn't like you hated admitting it... you've grown to acknowledge that fact quite well and they admire you for that. maybe the worst part of it all was not knowing why your mother left you with a friend.

hyein... knows that too. surprisingly, even with that non-stop running of her mouth, she haven't spilled anything about it to anyone at all.., maybe it's her natural skill to be able to read through someone's experience and understand what they feel.

ophelia

coming home again feels nothing new, you close the door and slowly excuse yourself to an empty living room, they're all currently at work, living you in charge of the house. when your 'mom' comes home late, she makes sure to bring home food and your 'dad' is nice, it's just two of them but it's okay.

the only time ghosts don't bother you is when you're in your room, whether you're sleeping or daydreaming, ghosts cannot enter your room... it's weird but you've never really find out what the reason is.

you hear the distinct sound of car honking, realizing it's from hyein's family and you peek to see hyein dashing to their porch, followed by her angry father who got off the car. you shrug, hyein's never changed... she's totally the same stubborn, nice, hot blooded kid.

it's not like you know hyein deeply but it's also not like you don't at all. you've been living in the same area, both your parents biological or not, like hyein once described it as "uncomfortably close", she might have been overreacting but that's the reason you know hyein almost too much for two kids who don't even talk to each other.

hyein sometimes gives off a vibe of someone who avoids you for certain reasons such as "she might not like me" or "we're very different" both can be true, but unfortunately none of this are. hyein has a different direction to go and that's why you seem to never both cross paths.

the only thing that you wonder about hyein is the reason behind her ghost-hunting activities. why does she do that? why did she recruit people to do that?

you've once thought if the girl ever knew that you could see ghosts, but you never really got the answer.

it's also weird how she tries to recruit people in it, but specifying no actual goal.

you turn your back to the window as you shake your head, erasing the thought of hyein in your head before jumping onto your bed.

ophelia

hyein runs to her room, her father isn't really mad and she knows that. her father doesn't follow her to her room as hyein enters and runs to her computer to immediately contact her friends.

forestry club (science hall building)

minji_kim04: do you really think we'd be able to follow the spirit inside the campus?

minji_kim04: i went around and most entrance are blocked by barricades.

sparkle.grace: don't give up yet.

sparkle.grace: why don't we keep contacting ms. seulgi, she knows this!!!

kitty_k4ng: surely you guys will leave my sister alone eventually.

kitty_k4ng: she sells antique, she doesn't know anything about ghosts.

honey04ever: haha... it's not about seeing ghosts, it's about the camera.

mo.dan_yell: yes! the camera can trace spirits, we've been stuck just at the barricade of the dormitories. i think we can find another way.

honey04ever: yeah, we've gone so far and i would really hate having to go back.

kitty_k4ng: ugh alright, we can go ahead ask her for fortune where it should lead us.

sparkle.grace: great! i'll bring the camera tomorrow and let's meet at kitty's place!

it didn't take quite long the next day, it's raining very hard when the five girls meet at the small village, an antique shop that also provides fortune telling services. the current goal of the team is to find a way to follow the spirit that went behind the school campus, there's no other exit nor entrance that leads to that path, it's an unknown place that is occupied by the school.

"it's raining hard today." minji says, holding an umbrella for her and hanni, danielle sighs and scoots closer to haerin who's holding an umbrella for them too. "but i checked the news, it's supposed to be sunny." she complains.

in this year, there's really no other clear way to know the weather except from the radio or news.

hyein grumbles, holding her own umbrella as they stand in front of the antique shop. "are you guys leaving?" she asks the four girls, who look at each other, each doing their own style of shrugging. "hyein, what's your plan? we're not going to leave you behind." hanni says, looking at the youngest, taller girl.

hyein nods her head, a determined look on her face. "we'll carry on. let's call ms. seulgi!" she says, making her way inside the store.

"unfortunately, the school now owns that place... it's an empty lot, i figured but the only way in is from the school premises, which you girls are not allowed." seulgi says, bringing her hands down to the clothes table, all receiving looks of disbelief from the owner.

"there's no other way? that's impossible." haerin says, seulgi shakes her head, looking at her younger sister. "i'm following the path that the spirit took, that's the only way she went," she informs the girls, she lights an incense and leads the smoke inside the lamp. as the girls watch in curiosity, the light immediately dies down.

"what does that mean?" minji asks, leaning on the table as the other girls wait for an answer. seulgi stands up and walks out of the fortune telling room, surprising everyone.

the girls look behind where the older kang left, hanni scatters to follow where seulgi went. the other girls follow to the entrance of the shop, where surprisingly your adopted mother was standing.

"y/n's missing..." hyein pushes the other girls as she runs to your mom, looking at the older woman with concern written all over her face. "what happened?" she asks, your mom sighs and shakes her head.

"i don't have any idea too, she went out yesterday and hasn't come back at all." your mom says, seulgi nods and leads your mom to the fortune telling room, where the other girls except hyein stayed outside the room.

"do you think you have any idea where she is?" hyein asks, sitting across your mom. seulgi lights another incense, where it stayed in the lamp for a 2 minutes. "she's somewhere in the forest." seulgi says, putting the lamp down as the smoke flies to the south.

"the mountain?" your mom nods at hyein. "yes, the mountain that was once a home to the biggest inn here... i knew she'd be there but the place is too dangerous to visit." seulgi nods and walks over to the door of the room. "it's raining... the water in the mountain." she says, before turning to hyein's direction. "you have the camera right?" she asks to which hyein nods her head immediately.

"yes! i brought it here with me." seulgi walks over to hyein. "tell haerin to follow y/n's spirit... she might have been looking for the same thing your group have been looking for."

ophelia

"are you sure we're gonna continue? it's dark and empty in the mountain." hanni says as she walks in front of minji. "hey, it's alright. haerin has the lamp with her and we're all wearing raincoats." minji tells the shorter girl, looking over to hanni with a small smile. hanni sighs.

"it's dangerous to get wet there, it's slippery and dark. as long as i have the lamp we're going to be alright." haerin says. danielle nods and smiles at the girls. "i really think we should focus on looking for y/n." she says, hyein is walking a lot faster than the others and she they got to the old train station, she immediately turns the power on.

"do you think her friends know she's missing?" hanni asks as they sit on the chairs of the train station, minji standing beside where hanni is. "if her mom announced, police officers would be all over the case." minji answers.

"no they don't. i think her mom keeps it because it's nothing police officers could solve." hyein answers, they all look to each other before haerin speaks. "you know that y/n can see ghosts?" hyein nods, putting an index finger on her chin as she thinks.

"it's obvious when she moves or the way she acts, i just don't have any idea what she's looking for like what ms. kang said."

danielle looks at haerin then back at hyein. "do you know? i think you're really the only one who can sense that. you have such observant eyes."

"if my sister implied that she's looking for the same thing, we might honestly find the entrance to that place where the spirit went to." everyone looks at haerin before the train stops. hyein looks at the other train inside, that must be the train you used to get to the mountain.

danielle, hanni, and minji all brought flashlights while haerin carries the lamp to avoid evil spirits and hyein holds the camera.

the shutter goes off. your traces can be seen on the ground, hyein takes the lead. the camera doesn't guarantee your steps or location but it is useful in tracking spirits as well as scaring them away. it's dark inside the forest, it's raining as well... there are lots of papers scattered on the ground and hyein assumes it's from the old inn nearby just at the entrance of the mountain's shrine.

there's a continuous line of water flowing, it's from the mountain's peak, a waterfall that connects every part of the forest.

danielle picks up a paper from the ground, noticing how it's relatively drier than the ones on the mud. she opens it and reads what is written below. "a black box of coffin in the shrine... under the cave, the water is rising. what?" all the girls look at her and hyein immediately asks for the paper.

hyein looks over the cliff they are standing upon, not too far from them is the old building of the large inn...

helping each other, they were able to get down from the cliff and reach the back entrance of the inn, with deteriorating walls, the inn stands almost unrecognizable from what it looked like before. haerin takes an envelope from her shoulder bag, opening it with your picture and your information... one of the pictures include the inn.

hyein takes a picture of the inn, while minji helps haerin raise the lamp. hyein can sense your trace from the entrance, going to the front entrance of the inn.

hyein screams when she's met with a ghost, backing up and immediately taking a picture before the ghost disappears. the girls all huddle together, with minji standing behind to keep them close. "should we keep going?" she asks, hyein nods and looks at everyone. "we'd be alright at the shrine, it has to be close here." haerin mutters and walks forward where everyone followed.

they were able to find traces of the path that lead to the shrine after multiple turns, picking up pieces of paper until... they reach the shrine but it doesn't look quite right. "is this the shrine?" hanni asks, looking at haerin who looks around and shrugs. "i mean it is, but this might not be it." minji looks at haerin with her furrowed brows. "what do you mean?" the rain starts pouring harder, before haerin sighs and steps on the stairs to the abandoned shrine. "it's the shrine of dolls." danielle says, as she reads the sign above.

hyein blinks and nods. "there's an underground path there, right?" she asks haerin who looks behind to hyein and nod. "i think, it's quite dark out there though. i don't want to risk trying to get in the cave." haerin shakes her head before turning her back on the girls again and opening the door, unfortunately, it's stuck.

"great, let's take a turn." haerin sighs before leading the group behind the shrine where it had a door that was left open wide. it's dark, almost like it was never a place where actual people lived in before. the light source comes from the moonlight, the shrine of dolls in display in front of them

hanni scoffs. "dude, are we really doing this?" she asks as she shifts her gaze away from the dolls. "it won't kill you, don't worry. if we find y/n, she can lead us out of here." hyein nods as haerin says that, looking at the second oldest of the group. "besides, we don't know the way out, we can't go back to the train station. if we're going to die, it's because we couldn't get out of here." hyein deadpans, minji sighs and puts a hand on hanni's shoulder. "it's alright." she whispers.

danielle follows haerin as well as minji and hanni, hyein volunteers to grab the candle from the underground passage after promising them she won't try to find the way to the cave. unfortunately, it's hard to fulfill the promise when your traces allure her to the cave, when she opens the door to the cave, there's water... flooding the area until it all went inside the shrine's underground passage. the water reaches hyein's knees and the cave was brighter than the shrine, every corner had candles and lamps, but other than those hyein's eyes focuses on the black box in the middle of the cave, where water overflows to the ground.

hyein runs to the box and opens it, only to be greeted by a wooden box overflowing with water, until she leans closer to take a better look. hyein shrieks in surprise when a hand comes out of the water, almost enough for her to fall over. hyein hears a gasp as she looks at the box again and sees a girl sitting up, soaking wet and cladded in a familiar set of uniform.

"y/n... y/n!?" hyein shouts as she immediately helps you up, you start to breathe heavily.

"hyein..." you mutter, looking up at the taller girl. hyein sighs in relief, almost like she's about to cry. "oh my god, we found you..." she whispers, full of relief.

ophelia

unfortunately, when you and hyein went back up at the shrine, the four girls are nowhere to be seen. hyein starts to panic as there was no way for her to locate their traces.

"where did they go!?" she asks, looking around. you sigh, shivering before pushing away the strands of hair sticking to you face. "they got lost..." you mutter, walking behind her and you reach for her shoulder. "let's find them." you suggest, trembling due to the cold air.

hyein turns around to you, before taking off her raincoat. "this isn't much but wear it! it's super cold." she says, you look at her and then to the raincoat, before chuckling and shaking your head.

"it's fine..." hyein shakes her head, before walking over to you with the raincoat in her hands. "wear it, please!" she sighs with a worried look on her face, and a pout. "come on, we have a long way to go... can't bring you back to your mom shivering to death." you know you can't win, so you nod and she puts the raincoat on you, surprising you.

"did you get lost your way here to?" hyein asks, you blink your eyes, before nodding. "i... i went the wrong way." you only say, hyein looks confused. "did you get inside the box? what if you drowned?" you look at her before laughing. "the spirits led me there, i've mistaken the doll shrine for the yuukon shrine, and i got trapped." you were able to tell her through your shaking breath and thinking about it now that you're safe doesn't make things less scary.

"you okay now?" hyein asks, you nod.

it was silent, for a while until hyein talks again. "yuukon shrine, you know about it?" hyein asks, after a while of hunting for spirits, hyein might have found the answer to her club's long overdue question...

the forestry club wanted to prove something, aside from plants and animals, hyein wanted to explore more about the mountain's history and it led them here; looking for the story for them to feature.

"we've been looking for it." she adds, you can only give her a short hum. "me too, almost like forever..." you mutter, hyein listens and puts all her attention to your words as you two walk the dark forest. "three years..? yeah, and just as i was about to find it, i got lost and well, it feels like everything i have found have gone to waste." you tell her.

hyein sighs. "it's really hard... i don't want our club to break apart. my only hope is this feature, i need to bring this mountain back to life again." hyein says, her voice filled with determination. you can only give her a meek sigh.

"that's... i hope you can do it." you tell her, giving her a moment of silence... hyein stares at your face, smiling brightly before she nods.

it took you both not that long to eventually find a manor, hyein looks at you and you gesture her to walk first. hyein peeks at every corner she can find, two of you were able to find the main hall of the manor but sadly, the girls were nowhere to be found. "you should get going..." you tell hyein, as you stand behind her. hyein holds the camera and shakes her head, pointing the camera at you before she takes a shot.

"i won't leave without you." she says, you widen your eyes but it softens. "i have to find my mother." you tell hyein but she walks towards you and holds your hand. "let's find her!" you give her a confused look. "but what about your friends..?" hyein takes a deep breath before letting out an airy laugh. "they'll be alright."

"this is the yuukon shrine? it's bright here..." hyein says as she walks beside you, you've been seeing this place in your dreams... a restless dream that haunts you and your mother's spirit that keeps you awake. hyein reads your small gestures, the way your eyes glimmer along the candles inside the shrine.

"i know..." the rain continues to pour, not as strong as before but still can be heard.

"have you been here before? or at least have familiarized this place?" hyein asks, you blink your eyes as you stand at the entrance beside hyein who looks at you endearingly. "i..." you hesitate to tell her the truth and she sees it. "it's okay." she assures you.

"i've been seeing this place in my dreams when i think about my mother, i have so many questions that only this place will be able to answer..." hyein nods and takes a step closer to you. "don't be scared to tell me! i'll keep your secrets, promise." realizing how hyein's knowledge about your family has never been found out by anyone, you knew hyein was trustworthy.

"i know... i just don't want you to worry about it." you look down and hyein continues to look at the way the orange and yellow lights illuminate on your face, she nods in understanding, still holding your hand. "i will of course, but you don't have to think of it like it's bothering me. i mean, i know you and you know me."

ophelia

when you enter, there's a shrine of flowers and charms that are mostly for marriage, the table is decorated by bright candles as well as lamps and incense. other than the bright decorations on the table, you don't ignore the obvious picture frames of your parents, your mother and who you assume to be your father.

"yuukon is a ritual, right? binding souls of the dead and a living person..." hyein says, looking at you as you kneel on the small pillow on top of the tatami mats. you nod as you stare at the shrine, closing your eyes with your hand clasped together. "i use to have dreams of my mother, i don't understand how i got here and where she is." you mutter, hyein sits next to you but not on the small pillow beside yours. "i read it somewhere, this is the house of joining... isn't this where the maidens get married to a living person?"

you nod. "the black casket, my mother sacrificed herself to be with my father and she must be somewhere here, drowning under the mountain's water." you open your eyes to look at hyein, who shifts her gaze on the shrine.

"my father, i have no idea where he might be. my mother left me with my mom and i'm guessing..." you trail your sentence, thinking very carefully. hyein waits before she opens her own mouth. "he might have been the ghost? i wonder, i haven't read something about a man being the ghost."

"my mother sacrificed herself for it to work." you give hyein a small smile before standing up. "maybe after she had me, like a maiden who have fulfilled her duty... she left me with my mom." you brush your hair back before walking towards the exit of the house.

"it ends here, i think. the school now owns this part of the place, i wanted to see it for myself before it disappears." you hear hyein's own steps. hyein looks down on the camera before taking a picture of the shrine, the house and you.

"we can go back now, i feel that they're out of the mountain." you tell hyein and she follows you to the exit of the mountain, passing through a long forest.

hyein walks, with her shoulders slump. "i... wanted the girls to see the shrine." she mutters, you look at her as both of you stand in the middle of the village.

"you can still create a feature out of it." you tell her with a small smile, hyein looks up at you and grins. "i know. i won't give up..."

"hyein! y/n!" you hear danielle's voice coming closer, the four girls all run to you and hyein, immediately they embrace the tallest girl with sighs of relief. "you're back with her..." haerin whispers.

hyein nods at the girls and looks at you. "we found the house of joining... i took a picture of it!" hyein takes the camera and shows the girls, they all huddle up to look at it.

"i should leave now..." you excuse yourself, hair still wet and hyein raises her hand. "wait! let's go and eat first." hyein takes your hand as the four other girls walk their way back to the antique shop.

after that, you decided to join the forestry club and help the girls release their feature for the mountain, eventually being able to help them reach a big population of readers.

#newjeans #kpop #kpop imagines #female reader #girl group #newjeans imagines #girlgroup imagines #danielle #kim minji #lee hyein #hyein newjeans #newjeans hyein #newjeans fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #Spotify

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sspiderliliess · 2 months

Text

diamond .

⟶ astarion x nervous, soft gn!tav — romance

i hyperfixated on bg3 for a while... i should get back to it. this feels like a bit of a word vomit and im still learning to express right but gosh i love emotional astarion stuff. (astarion and tav have a moment while they tend to his wounds | tav is gender-neutral but takes ideas from a female oc) ❤️‍🩹

⟶ rating — fluff?? suggestive at the end | tw blood, references to astarion's past

A tender flame danced. Outside, beyond the tent’s flimsy walls, rain poured for miles. The thriving forest floors squelched with a sea of puddles, the skies veiled with gray. But the pale crimson of the vampire’s tent was blooming with orange as the light within a lantern flickered across the walls and his belongings.

Trinkets left and right beckoned my wonder, chiseled figures and crackled books that showed their age placed atop the shelves and the indigo rug. In the dark, the gold gleamed and teased my vision. Against the petrichor and iron from his bleeding gashes, the faintest aroma of wisteria tickled my nose.

Ah, yes! The nighttime florals just nearby. I remember being so delighted that our group’s camping spot was placed so conveniently close to those lovely plants. Purple was a soothing color, and those wisterias could comfort me almost as well as any lavender-based remedy could.

It reminded me of Astarion, sometimes. My gaze wandered to the deep cuts across his leg, caked with drying blood and shining against the lantern’s light. The sight had been with me since it happened early in the day; a bundle of determined trolls could certainly leave their mark on someone—particularly three right across his calf and thigh. But sitting here, breathing in the smell of his blood that strengthened with every dab of the washrag, my stomach began to stir.

Either that, or his more notable nature came back to my senses. Had I really forgotten how regal he was after all of this? A magistrate, he said. Different circles, he said… I love you, he said. I’d spent a good time getting to know him and his quick-witted remarks. His irritable nature reared its head often, but something beneath the rough had always twinkled if I squinted just right. He didn’t have to take these hits for me. I knew my heart felt truly for him, but I didn’t know he’d be the type to do that so quickly.

“Darling, I don’t mean to be rude, but—ack—it’s just that this blood is finding its way all over my bedding. I could tend to this myself, you know?”

I turned my attention back to Astarion, who had propped himself up and was leaning my way with a hand reached for the stained rag. The gash on his thigh was oozing with blood, a thick trail pooling onto his blanket.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” I gasped and crawled forward to continue the cleansing.

He furrowed his brows, then raised them, and a smile etched onto his lips. “Now, for a vampire to get lost in thought at the sight of blood, I could understand… but what’s making you so bothered?”

“I’m,” I hummed. “I’m unsure.”

I tilted my head and continued to absentmindedly dab at the cuts. He laughed under his breath.

That familiar Astarion in his playful quips and egotistical humor. Those with a demeanor such as that rarely gained my attention for too long; I was always frightened by what judgments they might make, how out of place I felt. In the beginning when our group happened upon him, it’d bothered me quite a bit and I was sure he caught onto that, thus, I did what any mature person would have done when met with some sort of problem.

I ignored it.

The sly fox had taken note of this reaction. Maybe that was what got him to be nicer to me so quickly, less… prickly, especially in the times where I let him feed. But as I’d grown closer to him in our travels and had more meaningful conversations, I found him to be a book I might like to read, and the teasing came back on its own. I wasn’t bothered then. I might’ve enjoyed it. I still find myself thinking of that evening back near the grove, where he nearly choked at the teasing he threw my way when he saw the small and clumsily crafted animal in my hand. I told him how my mother had made those kinds of things with me, back in Baldur’s Gate when I was just a child and felt lonely, and his laughter stopped.

He seemed hurt by that. Regretful, almost. I'd like to think that turned out to be a nice day, though.

I was pulled from my gnawing thoughts once again as a slender finger slipped under my chin. Astarion looked less playful now, eyes glazed with what looked to be concern. He sat there in silence for a moment, staring at me until I felt my skin heat with blood and my heart tremble, and then he sighed. “Sometimes, I don’t know how to go about talking. It’s easy to flirt, to say things you don’t mean. But I would like to know what you’re thinking. Truthfully.”

He continued to hold my chin up with that single finger, his eyes almost pleading to listen and talk. It was the Astarion less familiar to most, and like a timid rabbit spoken to with the softest voice, I found myself being drawn closer right then and there.

“You told me a while back that you were a magistrate, a long time ago,” I began, awaiting his response.

He swallowed slowly and shuffled to make room for me on the bed. “I was, yes. I don’t remember much more than that. That life is so distant now, a pained memory of what was and what could have been, I suppose.”

He didn’t move aside from a mournful wince that I was sure had little to do with the physical state he was in. He laughed bitterly, “It’s funny to think about. I remember that simple fact, but nothing about me.”

It almost shocked me, the way he seemed to care so little about his old role. To be of such importance in Baldur’s Gate, to have such power over just about anyone before you… and yet, have it taken away in an instant. It threatened to sprout an ache in my chest—the thought of such a family and stability gone in the blink of an eye, power replaced with powerlessness. In the quiet and my dwelling, I understood him just a bit more. I could only wonder what happened to make the paths fall as they did.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “Thank you for helping me today. We might not know who you were back then, or what happened before, or what you looked like, or what you knew… But I know you now. And I’m grateful.”

I’d always been so cautious with him, so much so I could hardly form the words properly. I pushed myself to keep my eyes on him, though, and I watched as he looked to the ground with a smile. Those crimson eyes appeared much glossier.

In that moment, I did what any confident, self-assured individual would do. My heart pounded against my chest the minute I leaned forward to gently wrap my arms around him. He paused briefly and I heard his breath hitch, but he returned the gesture.

“I’m grateful to know you, too,” he sighed into my ear.

His breath and curls tickled my neck, where old bites were planted. I’d forgotten they were there until his nose brushed against it and a dull pain bloomed in their place. He stayed like that for a while. “I know that I’m in no place to have a passionate night,” he said a bit awkwardly. “But I would like to spend what time with you that I can, if you’d like..?”

It took me a second to understand just what he meant, and I couldn’t help but pull away with tensed brows and a muffled giggle. “I don’t know if passion is the best idea, seeing as though you’re still bleeding as is.”

I pointed to the fresh puddle of blood on the blanket, where his leg had pressed into the furs. He scowled and pursed his lips, but his smile soon resurfaced. “Well, perhaps that another night, darling.”

He leaned back to lay down again and I grabbed the rag from the bowl of water, wringing it out as the dark reds faded to pinks again. It was then that I’d notice what sat opposite of me while I crouched on the ground. Tucked away from most prying eyes was a spindly little nick-nack on his shelf, with leaves and vines coiled together to make a deer-like toy that you’d think only a child could love. It was placed within a makeshift forest scene, crafted impressively from grass and sticks. It’d been a while since I’d seen it.

I didn’t think I would again.

#astarion x tav #astarion x reader #astarion fluff #gn!tav #astarion ancunin #bg3 fanfiction #bg3

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fl3shm4id3n · 1 year

Photo

𝓑𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓼𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓮𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓯𝓽 𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓸 𝓪𝓷𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓵𝓼

Tw: neglectful parents/ child neglect, survivors guilt, testing on a child, reader’s skin turns blue.

Author’s note: my Dc obsession might be getting out of hand.

Masterlist

Just like Spider, you were to young to go back to earth with your parents. Since you couldn’t go, they decided to stay behind to be with you and to continue their research. You grew up with Spider in the lab, running around causing some trouble. You also grew up knowing the Sully kids, since they were basically kids your age, but a different species. You all didn’t care about that, you just wanted to hangout with them. Majority of the time, your parents had been busy to take care of you, the one to take care of you was Spider’s foster mother, it hurt seeing that you had your parents but they paid you no attention.

That day you had been playing hide and seek with the Sully kids, you had hid in a tree, but what you didn’t know was that the tree had Prolemuris living their. You had spotted one, looking at you, your curiosity got the best of you. So you tried to pet it, but the animal bit you on the arm instead. When you returned back home, you didn’t tell anyone about the bite. Three days had passed, you were filling sick, the one who had noticed was Norm, another scientist who also watched over you. He had taken you to your parents, as soon as they saw your condition they knew it was bad. They got to work right away, but their was a problem, their was no cure to this or vaccination, so they had to take some risks. They began to experiment on you to save your life, the experiments saved your life, but they also had other results. You were able to breath the toxic air of Pandora, your parents thought it was amazing.

Your parents needed to collect some samples, and since you haven’t been outside in days, they brought you along. Everything was fine but then a Thanator came out of nowhere and decided to make your parents its meal for that day. While your father distracted the Thanator, your mother had ran with you and hid you in some bushes, then left to go get your father. It has been a while, until it got dark and you began to cry. Luckily some hunters from the village, had been walking by and they found you, then they took you back to Jake explaining that they found you in some bushes alone. When Jake asked you what happened, you had told him everything. Neytiri knew that your parents had been long gone, no one can survive a Thanator unless they’re lucky, they weren’t lucky.

When you had found out what happened to your parents, you felt horrible, you felt as if it was your fault that they were gone. You wished you could of done something to save them, it should of been you instead of them, you were a burden to them after all. As time passed so did the years, even after all those years, you still felt as if it was your fault. Norm has become your full guardian, since he was the one to take care of you growing up. Unlike your parents he had been their for you, so he took full responsibility for you. When you had turned 13, your skin had turned blue, no one could explain why, but it was believed that it must of been from both the Prolemuris and the other experiments your parents performed.

When you had turned 15, things had changed, you don’t remember how it happened. You got the ability to turn into animals both from earth and Pandora.

You were just outside chilling around the trees, until you saw a Hexapede nearby, then out of no where your form had changed into the creature. You couldn’t explain how or why, you just did.

To test out your ability some more, you got a book that belonged to your parents. It was animal book from earth. As you looked through the pages, you had began to turn into each animal that you saw, it was amazing, now you wanted to show the Sully kids.

You had turned into a tiger to run faster, one thing that you notice was that the animals you’d turn into were still blue like your skin. You continued to run until you reach their hut.

Tuk had ben the one to see you first before anyone else, she had got closer to you, seeing that she was curious. Neytiri saw Tuk interact with an animal she had never seen, she was about to freak out.

But then you had turn back into a human, seeing the shock expression on Neytiri, Jake, and the other Sully siblings while Tuk looked at you amazed. She then asked if you could turn into another animal, this time you turned into a lion. Tuk had been stunned, seeing this earth animals.

Then the other siblings came in asking questions on how you’re able to do that and other stuff. You had told them you had no Idea that it just happened.

Just like Tuk, they had began to ask you to turn into other animals. They were amazed to see that can turn into many things. You had turned into a Banshee, a thanator, again a hexapede and others.

Jake and Neytiri watched while having a private conversation with each other. They had never seen anyone do this sort of thing. Jake had assumed it must have happened when you being experimented to save your life.

Jake had a talk with you all that you’re new ability wasn’t a toy since no one really knows what you’re capable off. After that little talk, you, The Sullys and Spider went off see what else you could do.

They had wanted to see if you could fly first, so you had turned into a parrot. At first you were nervous since you had never flown before.

With Tuk’s help, you were standing on her hand then jumped out of her hand, flapping your wings. The first few time you had fallen, but the other times you had began to get the hang of things.

Lo’ak then had the idea for you to turn into a banshee and try flying. At first you didn’t want to since the Banshee’s were bigger animals, but you did so anyway.

You all had gone to a cliff, it was high, but of anything their was water down below, so if anything you can turn into a fish or something. Once in the Banshee form you jumped off the cliff.

The Sullys and Spider got worried that you weren’t coming up, until you did. You had been flying around them, seen their faces full of shock.

That whole day had been fun, testing your new powers. When you had gone back to the lab, you continued to test out your abilities in your room. You had done big animals already, now you wanted to test small animals. Lizards, bugs, cats and dogs. What you loved turning into the most was a Thanator, you didn’t understand why but you just liked turning into the big cat like creature that the Na’vi feared.

Ever since you were able to turn into a Banshee, Spider would beg you let him ride you, so that he could feel like a true na’vi. You had told him no multiple times since he had been asking since that day you had flown. That day you both had gone to see the Sullys, the older siblings wanted to fly their Ikrans, Tuk had asked you if you could turn into one for her to ride, which you did. It offended Spider since he had been asking you non stop. Once you had turned into a banshee, Neteyam had put a saddle on your back so that Tuk could be able to hang into.

The Sullys, you and Spider went flying around. Spider had got on Lo’ak Banshee, still upset that you didn’t let him ride you. Tuk was having the time of her life, being able to be on a Banshee. It wasn’t almost the real thing but then she had wanted to fly an Ikran on her own with out having her mom or dad with her. Tuk saw this as a way to get ready when it would he her turn to get her own. For the rest of the day Spider did not talk to for the rest of the day. You didn’t care honestly. He was being dramatic.

The next day you and Spider went to see the Sullys, just the last few days, you continued to test out your animals.

Today you would be testing underwater animals, when you got to the pond, firstly you turned into fish, then you had turned into an alligator. Scaring the fuck out of Spider, making everyone laugh.

Tuk was loving every bit of it, she loved seen the animals you could turn into. When you had turned into a tiger, like before she got on your back while you swam around the pond.

When you’d come by, Tuk would always ask you if you could turn into a tiger, you’d also play with her while on your tiger since she loved it.

Ever since that day, you had loved seeing other happy. You had made it your mission to make others happy, it didn’t matter how, you just wanted for everyone to be happy.

It had started with jokes, when you saw that Lo’ak had a bad day due to his father, you wanted to cheer him up by telling him jokes, some were bad but you saw how he had began to smile.

It made you feel good seen that you got Lo’ak to laugh, you somewhat knew how it was like to be set a side by your parent/s, but you had wanted him to know that you were with him.

Kiri hated when you’d tell her terrible jokes or pick up lines, but you knew that she liked them, you did not miss the small laugh when she tried keeping a serious face.

Same with Neteyam, but he wouldn’t hide his laughter, he just burst out laughing until his eyes watered. You knew the pressure he was under due to being the oldest and the next leader of the clan.

You knew those where in an important role, but having fun was also important.

Tuk loved it when you talked as an animal, she wouldn’t get your jokes right away until you had to explain them to her, once explain she’d laugh until her stomach hurt.

While others were happy, it made you feel better seen that you could make them smile or laugh.

Even after all those years, you still felt guilty for not being able to save your parents from a Thanator, for a while you felt as if you couldn’t do anything.

When you had began to tell your jokes or just be goofy around other who had been feelings down it felt good seen others happy or just have a good time.

That mattered to you more than your own happiness.

402 notes · View notes

agentmarcuspike · 11 months

Text

"All My Casualties of Love"

pairing: joel miller x reader/oc (third person, unnamed) cw: descriptions of injuries, unprotected piv, painful sex (it's not supposed to hurt!!), murder (they had it coming), flashbacks, tess is dead (rip), no ellie wordcount: 5k a/n: i've spent too long editing this and i'm still not happy so... please just take it

Joel had decided to never love again. His brother left to find a different life, he lost his partner to the horrors, and now he finds himself wandering, gathering courage to end it all, secretly yearning for a reason not to. And then he finds her. And she ruins everything.

The smoke rises thick and black from the burning house as Joel passes it from a safe distance, the fire emitting some light to the surroundings, but not enough to reach him. He has his rifle on his chest, fingers on his handgun, in case the fire attracts anyone, even though the thick dark and the snow covered ground muffling his steps feels like protection enough. The rare winter storm had narrowly avoided him, but a stray bolt of lightning must have found the house, he gathers.

It’s been months since he’s seen another person. Walking through the deep forest, the sound of only crunching leaves and screaming birds driving him insane before the snow came and softened everything, and he swears he has started hallucinating. Even now, as he moves a little closer to the burning house, stealing some warmth from the flames, he swears he hears something. It must just be his lonely mind playing tricks on him though, and he’s about to turn and walk away when he hears it again.

A scream.

The sound is all too familiar, and his breath hitches in his throat. Driven by instinct he starts running towards the noise, but stops himself to think. It could be a trap. It could also be someone in need of help. But that’s not his problem. Not in this world. And yet, when he hears the yell again, he can’t stop his feet from running.

In the orange glow of the flames, about ten meters from the house, Joel can barely make out the contours of a person, face down in the snow, crawling in the opposite direction. Rifle pointed forwards, he takes a few more steps.

“Hey!” he bellows. The figure freezes, and as he gets closer, gun still pointed at them, he can tell it’s a young woman. No older than 30. She doesn’t look sick, but he asks anyway. No response. He moves to stand in front of her, the butt of his rifle still pressed firmly against his shoulder.

“I asked you a question,” he repeats. “You infected?”

The smoke moves heavily around them, and he pulls her to her feet, dragging her towards the road where he came from. When they’re clear of the smoke, he throws her to the ground, pushing the gun back in her face until she scrambles up on her knees and meets his gaze.

Something in her eyes reminds him of the past. A something he’s buried deep down. Six feet to be exact. The look of fear. An emotion he hasn’t had much of for the past fifteen years, because he hasn’t had anything to lose. He lost everything long ago.

“If you’re gonna turn it’s better I end it for you right now.” He still hasn’t looked at her without the weapon between them.

“I’m not,” she finally manages, not breaking eye contact. He doesn’t want to believe her, but he does.

“Good for you,” he replies, finally lowering the weapon a bit.

He doesn’t admit, to her or himself, that he wouldn’t actually mind too much if she did turn, thinking it might be an okay way for him to go. Maybe saving her even if she was already doomed might give him some extra karma points before he goes himself.

While the dark makes it hard to see anything at all, his aging eyes not helping, he can see enough to give her a quick once over, making sure she isn’t too hurt and be on his way. But he doesn’t move. The way her eyes never leave his, how she never raised her hands in surrender like people usually do when he aims at them. He’s not sure what it is he sees. Whether it’s just the reflection of the fire in the distance, or something else sparkling, something resembling a will to live, a thirst for life. Which it can’t be, not out here, not anymore. Right?

She doesn’t move until he does.

Desperate, impatient, gulping, choking down the water, thirsty from the smoke she inhaled. He has given her his water bottle, knowing he can easily melt more snow later. They’re walking side by side in the forest, out of sight, but with the road they’re following almost visible through the trees.

She gives Joel the bottle back, and he briefly considers letting her keep it, but accepts it with a nod.

He clears his throat before speaking.

“So…” He looks in towards the thick forest. “If you just follow the road, you should get to some old cabins. Just… keep an eye out for people and…” He looks at her briefly, giving a nod to signal he doesn’t really have anything else to say.

“Where are you going?” she asks, voice breaking a little.

“Setting up camp for the night.”

“Oh.”

They stand about two meters apart, both looking at the ground.

“Well…” he begins, as he takes a step away from her.

“Thank you,” she cuts him off, throwing the words out like she wants to get rid of them. “I owe you one.”

Joel huffs. “You don’t owe me anythin’.” The last thing he wants is for someone to be indebted to him. That would involve some sort of connection, and that’s the last thing he wants.

“Well…” she mimics him. They give each other a nod, taking a few steps backwards, while turning and walking their different ways.

When he gets far enough into the thick woods to lay his ragged sleeping bag down on frozen ground rather than snow, curling up inside of it, waiting for sleep, he catches himself wondering if the woman has found a safe place for the night, somewhere warmer than the forest floor. But then he reminds himself, she’s not his responsibility to worry about. He already saved her once.

She’s slipping through his fingers. The scorching tongue of the fire licking his arms as he’s clutching her to his chest like when she was a baby. She used to love nuzzling into the crook of his neck. As she got older, she’d pretend she didn’t, but whenever she fell asleep on the couch, his arm around her little shoulders, her unconsciousness would still guide her face into him, and his calm breaths would rock her to sleep, exactly like he had just a few, and yet so many, years ago.

She’s not sleeping now. He’s running but his feet aren’t moving. The fire is catching up, surrounding them. He can see her mouth moving, a silent scream as the flames engulf her, and there’s nothing he can do. He yells, and screams, his muscles aching and burning from reaching for her. But she’s lost in the fire, and he’s untouched, hurt not from the inferno but the loss.

The fire crackles, a taunting sound, saying, “I have her now. And I won’t take you.”

Gunfire. Joel knew the sound all too well. He had heard it up close and personal. But the bullet that had once grazed the side of his head, at the hands of none other than himself, had made sure he’d never hear it again with more than one ear. He had learned to lean into conversation with his left side, always sleeping on the right.

But people make mistakes, and waking up with his good ear down and the sound of gunfire reaching through his bad one was a good indicator that he was also a person capable of fatal error.

Throwing himself around to look for the source of the sound, Joel is immediately confused by what he finds. On the ground a good fifty meters away from him, a body. But more confusing than that, right next to his head, a pair of boots. Connected to a pair of legs, it seems, and looking up, there she is, staring down the barrel of his own rifle. But it’s not pointed at him.

Another bang, and another body to the ground. Before he can wrap his head around the situation and reach for the handgun on his hip, a third gunshot rings out, followed by silence.

Walking side by side, Joel hasn’t uttered a word since he was suddenly awoken an hour or so earlier. Neither has she. He’s grateful they’ve equaled the debts now, and secretly wishes that would mean they could go their different ways without being duty-bound by karma, but he also figures he owes her a thank you.

“S’pose we’re even now,” he mumbles finally, eager to be done with talking.

“Guess so,” she replies with a half-smile.

A few more steps in silence. Joel’s breaths come more easily, relieved and ready to move on.

“So I’m–

“So where you headed?” she interrupts him.

He’s taken aback for a second, confused by the sudden change of pace in conversation.

“Uhm.” He debates with himself for a second. He’s not even sure he knows. “Just… west,” he lands on eventually.

She nods. “Just west,” she repeats.

More silence. He doesn’t know why, but Joel feels an intense urge to fill it.

“Did you follow me?” he asks eventually.

“Not at first.”

She tells him she was too shaken up and cold to sleep, so she stayed awake near the cabins he’d mentioned to her, which is where she heard a small group of people.

“One of them talked about seeing someone sleeping by themself in the woods, and they all went to check it out, so I followed them, assuming it was you they’d seen.”

She leaves out the part where she managed, armed with only a big branch and a pocketknife, to hit the one standing guard over the head without alerting the others closing up on Joel, and used the unconscious man’s weapon to gun down another one before getting to Joel and his rifle, but he can fill out the blanks himself.

The gun is now strapped to her hip, and she gives it a squeeze. It feels foreign, and it is. She had her own gun with her when she sought shelter in the house, the one she’d had with her for years, but there was no need to go back and look for it under the ashes now. Either way, this one she had preyed straight from a dead man’s hands. She’s done worse, and yet she feels bad about it.

“Thank you,” he says, eventually looking up at her. “For… that.”

She nods and gives him a half-smile. “I owed you one, didn’t I?”

She doesn’t give him much, and it’s not like he wants anything either, but he still feels compelled to ask. To know.

“You traveling alone, then?”

She doesn’t answer for a while.

“My sister…” she begins. Silence again. Joel thinks he understands. He’s about to tell her she doesn’t need to say anything when she continues.

“She was a baby when it began. I was basically a kid too, but when our parents got sick, it was just the two of us. I raised her I suppose. And then a few months back, we had a falling out. We ran into some people, they wanted to join us, she wanted them to join as well. I said no, felt too risky. So, she…” The woman takes a shaky breath. Joel wants to put his hand on her shoulder, show her he understands. He too has felt the pain of a younger sibling leaving. “She, uhm…”

“S’okay, niña,” is all Joel can muster. “You don’t have to go there.”

She sniffs quickly, and he thinks he sees her wipe a tear away, but then she huffs.

“Niña…?”

He looks at her with raised brows. “Somethin’ wrong with that?”

“Nothin’ wrong, viejo.”

A quick huff escapes him. She did not just…

“Oh, fuck off,” he groans, but he can’t hide his smile while she sneers.

The air feels lighter, and Joel takes a deep breath before speaking again.

“Guess we could share the road for a bit,” he grumbles to his feet, but he catches the smile she can’t contain in his side vision.

Avoiding the cabins Joel had suggested earlier, he didn’t think they would come across any more houses for a while.

But there it is. In the middle of the woods, covered in moss, surrounded by trees standing so thick the windows seem unnecessary as no light is going to seep through the branches anyway. It can barely be called a shack, but it has walls and a roof, and seeing as the trees stretch to cover the door as well, Joel guesses it must have been left alone for years, untouched.

He pulls out his knife to cut the branches covering the door, and his new companion takes out the pocketknife from her jacket and starts uncovering the windows on the same wall to see if it’s possible to have a glance inside.

“Wow…” she whispers from beside him, when she uncovers a sliver of glass and peeks inside.

“What? S’it look like anyone’s been in there?”

“No, it’s… Just get the door open.”

She goes to join him. Even with all the branches and roots and snow covering the bottom of the door removed, it will barely open when they both pull at it. Joel counts to three, and when they yank together it comes off its hinges, parts of the rotten tree of the frame coming with it. He moves it to the side, pulls his handgun out, and takes a step indoors.

As the daylight spills into the room, years of abandonment become glaringly evident. The shack, untouched for a long time, has gathered layers of dust and is swathed in an air of nostalgia. Cobwebs, like delicate lace curtains, hang in forgotten corners. A mysterious stillness prevails, only disrupted by the distant howl of the cold wind outside.

He understands her immediate reaction now. Wow, indeed. It’s like a time capsule. Clearly well lived-in, but not for years. Not since it all began, Joel thinks. It’s a tiny place, one room only. The floor hidden by the thick layer of dust, and the walls covered in frames and postcards. There’s a twin bed in one corner, and a loveseat in the other end of the room. The other corner houses a kitchenette, with a wood burning stove and jar on top of the bench that reads “cookies” in a quirky font.

“Wow…” The exclamation falls out of her again. Joel looks at her, once he’s certain that the place is safe. She’s looking at the pictures on the walls, touching their frames with a careful hand. He lets her have a moment and moves to open one of the two kitchen cabinets.

There’s not much there. A bag of microwave popcorn, despite there being no microwave, or seemingly any electrical outlets at all. Two cans of beans. A pack of instant ramen. It’s food until tomorrow, he thinks, puts them on the counter, and reaches to open the other cupboard.

He instinctively ducks as a swarm of black moths fly out. The sound of their collective fluttering wings has her turning as well, and she startles, gasping, the dark swarm moving straight to where she stands in front of the room’s only light source. She screeches, throwing herself to the floor and rolls around as the moths encircle her. Joel runs to waft them towards the open doorway, shimmying his jacket off to help.

She’s covering her head, laying completely still, as if she’s being attacked by stinging wasps and not gray butterflies, and when the moths finally scatter, he reaches out to carefully touch her back.

“You alright, chica?” he asks jokingly, squeezing her shoulder lightly. “They’re just moths, you’re okay.”

It’s another thirty seconds for her breath to slow. She sits up slightly, looking around, as if the moths are waiting for her. “I hate bugs so much,” she whispers. Joel can’t help but snicker. In a world full of zombies, and this girl is scared of insects. He grabs her hand, helping her back up to her feet where she wobbles for a second, clutching onto his sleeves.

“I got you.” The consolation just slips out of him. She looks up, mouth slightly open in surprise, before she bursts into laughter. The sound feels like oil in a rusty motor to his ears, and he can’t help but hold back a giggle himself. They stand there for a moment, letting their laughter fill the room, tears pressing out of her eyes.

Caught up in the moment, Joel reaches out to brush away a stray tear escaping her eyes and running down her cheek. He lingers a second too long, and her laughter softens quickly at the intimate gesture as she finds her breath again. She’s the first to look away.

“Look at this,” she says, clearing her throat and walking back towards the picture she was studying minutes ago. Joel walks up behind her, straining his eyes to see the details, his chest brushing her shoulder as he leans in closer.

The dusty gold frame, now a little shinier after her fingers brushing against its sides, wraps around an old faded photograph. Two people sit on a porch in front of a house, bigger than the one they’re in now but not a mansion. The little girl sits between the man’s legs, and they’re both grinning, the young girl seemingly in the middle of a guffaw. Neither of them looking at the camera, both too busy with each other.

A memory awakes in Joel, one he’s been shoving down again every time it’s threatened to spill out. But this time he lets it come. He’s sitting on a porch similar to the one in the picture, with his own little girl laughing in his lap. She was too ticklish (as was he), it was so easy to coax a laugh out of her, even if it always made her tickle him back, both refusing to stop until neither of them could catch a breath. His brother standing patiently behind the camera, wanting initially to get a proper portrait of the two, but ending up with dozens of silly candids, which was a better representation of the duo anyway.

“She looks like my baby sister.” Her words pull him roughly back to reality, a ringing in his head as if he’s just been slammed to the ground. He hasn’t noticed he’s been holding his breath, and a little gasp escapes him as he finds his way back to the present. The soft sound has her turning to him, and his head snaps to her when she carefully grabs his arm.

“You okay?” Her brows are furrowed, it’s a familiar grimace, even though he hasn’t looked in a mirror for months. Their eyes lock, and neither look away. Joel’s hand moves up to touch her elbow, letting her know she can let go of him, but she doesn’t. She keeps his gaze, and this time, he looks away first.

“There’s some food here. S’pose we could stay for the night.”

She looks to the one bed, and he quickly adds: “I’ll take the couch.”

“Don’t be stupid, man. You won’t even fit. You take the bed.”

He hurriedly sits down on the sofa, leaning his head back and crossing his arms determinedly.

“Already took this one. Too late.”

She sighs diligently, and rolls her eyes at him, moving towards the open doorway.

“Whatever, tió. I’m setting a trap or something,” she says as she exits the cabin.

Joel bites his tongue for acting so childish, he’s not sure what’s gotten into him, and he fights with himself to find an excuse that’ll stop her from going.

“Whaddya mean ‘or somethin’?”

But she’s already left.

They’ve eaten the beans and noodles cooked on Joel’s camp stove in silence. Stubbornly he’s made his way back on his couch, spine already aching from the springs poking through the cushions, and he’s watching his company take in the pictures she’s been staring at all evening.

“You said she looks like your sister,” he prods carefully when neither of them have said anything for what seems like, even to Joel, too long.

“Yeah…” she answers absentmindedly, back still turned to him.

He gives her a minute before he prompts her again. “She anything like you?”

That gains him a snort. “Polar opposite.”

“How so?” He likes listening to her. Never been much of a talker himself, Joel is surprised to find he’s missed this. Casual chatting, getting to know new people. No pressure prattle, new input. Something to talk about, a break from thinking. Remembering.

“Well for one,” She turns to him, and saunters over to sit on the armrest of the couch. “She’s a bitch.”

“Hm.” Joel purses his lips. “Thought you said opposite of you.”

A laugh. “Wow! Okay!” She nods, impressed with his audacity, charmed by his cheek. “Malo…”

He smiles at her crude Spanish vocabulary, reminded of his own sibling. “Sorry.” He doesn’t mean it.

She shimmies down from the armrest onto the couch next to him, knees to her chest, leaving half a pillow of space between them. “Who did it remind you of?” It takes him a second to understand what she’s referring to. His eyes glide from hers, questioningly, across the room to the picture on the wall.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to pry. I just…” She searches for her words, the right way to put it. “Felt you tense up behind me. Like you were somewhere else for a second.”

She’s right, of course. He was somewhere else. Across the country, 20 years ago. Memories flood his brain as he fights to hold the tears back. Her laugh, still loud in his ears, but weaker by the day. He clears his throat before speaking.

“M’daughter.”

An understanding silence. She doesn’t ask more, just waits patiently for him to go on. If he wants to.

“My daughter,” he says again. “Sarah. The girl in the photo reminded me of her.”

It’s the first time he’s shared from that chapter of his life in years. Only Tess knew the words, and she was in the frozen ground now too. Only Tommy remains, as his family and keeper of Sarah’s memory. And he’s moved on, made a new family. It feels right, Joe thinks, to talk about his daughter with someone now. So that when it’s his turn to go, someone knows.

“It’s funny, about the moths earlier.” She watches him, his brows furrowed just like hers were earlier, and she’s careful not to move, not to startle him, like she’s trying to gain the trust of a scared or wounded animal. She holds her breath until he continues, seemingly lost in thought.

“Sarah loved butterflies. Would draw them everywhere. She’d chase them when she was little, and when she got older, she said they bring good luck.” He laughs an empty laugh and shakes his head. “As if seeing a bug with pretty wings decides your future.”

“She hated moths though. Terrified of ‘em. Just like you.” His head turns slightly at that, dark eyes meeting hers before he continues.

“Whenever one flew into her room at night, she’d scream for me to come get it out… And they’re not even that different from the butterflies she loved. When you think about it. Just… grayer.”

All the more reason to love them, he thinks, but doesn’t say.

Joel wakes with her memory over him. He had yet again pulled her from the fire but been unable to save her. His breath is hitching with each inhale, ears ringing loudly, and it takes him a second to realize she’s there.

“Joel?” she whispers softly. “I didn’t know if I should wake you, you were yelling, and I–”

She’s rambling, voice unsure, but the hand clutching his upper arm is assuring, grounding him, bringing him back. With her support he sits up slowly, groaning. It feels as if he's been body slammed, every bone and muscle aching, his forehead damp with sweat.

“S’okay,” he guarantees her, voice coming back to him slowly but surely. “Happens all the time.”

Her hand moves from his bicep to where his neck meets his shoulder, massaging him lightly, and he tenses up again under her touch. Sensing he’s on edge, she lets go of him, making his eyes snap up to find hers at the loss of her touch.

“Joel?” she whispers. He blinks at her slowly. “Will you let me take care of you?”

The breath he releases makes him slump over, burying his head in his hands.

“I don’t need taking care of,” he responds, but he believes it as little as she does.

So her arm finds its way back around his shoulders, palming big circles over his flannel. With the other hand on his knee, she continues the motion until his breathing slows to a comfortable pace. His body falls forward, elbows on his knees, and she lets her own body fall on top of his, covering his back like a heavy blanket.

She gives a gentle squeeze to his arm, and as if on cue, he sits up slowly, giving her time to lift off from him. He’s not sure what comes over him when he leans in and presses the softest of kisses to the side of her mouth. She gives a soft gasp at the surprise, and he only pulls back halfway so he doesn’t have to look her in the eyes.

“Joel,” she whispers again, begging him to look at her. And then he does. And their heads crash together in a kiss that’s more teeth than lips. No matter how much she thinks he deserves softness, no matter how much he wants it, it’s not in their nature. Not in this world. Softness, kindness, empathy is a rarity. It’s so hard to be tender in a world that’s so brutal.

So they give each other what they can, what they know. Teeth, bones, and the dull aching hunger of desperation. It’s no more pleasurable than sucking on a lollipop knowing a razor blade is waiting in the middle, and yet they devour each other.

Joel sits back on the couch and pulls her into his lap. His hands firm on her hips, grinding her into his growing hardness. Their tongues fight for dominance, taking turns in each other’s mouths. A groan escapes him as she pulls hard at his curls, which are damp with perspiration. His fingernails paint red lines up and down her back underneath her shirt.

After grinding against and moaning into each other for less time than either would have liked, Joel flips her in his lap, arms around her stomach, holding her flush against his chest. They both reach for the front of her jeans at the same time, and while she pulls them down, he tugs on his own, pulling his cock free.

Neither of them really ready, they still crave the contact too much to wait. Holding her breath, she leans her head back on his shoulder, and he pushes two fingers into her mouth, wetting them before reaching down to palm himself. He wiggles the head of his not fully hard cock between her barely aroused folds, and they sigh in unison as he pushes in. She doesn’t mind the sting, and neither does he. Pleasure isn’t enough to keep the pain of existence away. You can only fight fire with fire, so it has to hurt.

The little moans and gasps slipping from her where she sits on top of him send waves of want from his ears to between his legs, and he grows harder inside of her. Her fingers claw into the skin on the sides of his hips as she holds herself in place, making him hiss as he pushes in and out of her, not quite sure whether from the burn or the bliss.

Joel pushes her legs closer together with his own. She moans at the feeling of him filling her up, and she tries to turn her head to put her mouth on his, but he speeds up his thrusts, and she’s forced to hold onto his thighs for leverage. The pads of her fingers dig into his flesh, pinching him, leaving bruises to ignore in the morning. He does the same to her hips and holds her in place.

He plunges his cock clumsily into her a few more times before he reaches his climax. His arms wrap tightly around her, one across her abdomen and the other over her chest, squeezing her breast with his fingers so hard she chokes out an “ouch”, for the first time, just as his release shoots into her.

She can feel him pulse all the way in her core, almost in time with his heaving breath, chest rising and falling against her back. The only sound comes from outside, a distant howl, which she attributes to the wind, but which makes Joel freeze beneath her. Without warning he stands up, arms still supporting her, but he quickly lets go to tuck himself away, pick his gun up from the table, and he moves slowly towards the door which stands balanced against the doorway. Before he does anything else, he turns to her, brow furrowed, finger to his lips.

With his gun pointed forwards, he peeks out the window she cleared earlier in the day.

Nothing.

He shuffles silently and efficiently across the floorboards and pushes the door open. For a second he just stands there, gun in hand, staring out into the dark, only his shoulders moving up and down with his quick but careful breaths. Almost a minute goes by where she doesn’t dare move either, before he puts the door back in place, and turns to her.

Nothing. They’re alone.

a/n: well.......

#joel miller fanfiction #tlou fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller x oc #joel miller angst #joel miller smut #joel miller x you #the last of us fanfiction #jesus christ so many joel tags lmao #that's what the people want isnt it #my writing

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climbthemountain2020 · 30 days

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Flame of Autumn - Chapter 6

Part 7/25 | Ao3

Tilly

It had been a little over two weeks since Tilly had come to the Forest House, and she was surprised by how acclimated she already felt. She’d wondered more than once if she’d have felt the same coming from her father’s home, or if it was the last two years living with Donal that had more to do with that. Not that she’d be here at all had her father still been alive, but that was a thought for a different time.

Thankfully, things had calmed a bit since the wedding. While Beron was still exactly as deplorable as he always was, the attention had shifted from her and Eris, at least. Callum had killed a male in a tavern nearby, and that had become the primary focus of the week. Callum, muscled and hewn like a building from stone, had simply crushed a man’s head after a disagreement. While the sons of the High Lord were all but untouchable by the law in Autumn, they were not granted the same reprieve by Beron.

Even with his fae healing, Callum could not recover quickly enough to hide the beating Beron had given him the following night. Worse yet, he’d demanded his presence at dinner so the family could behold the injuries that Beron had bestowed upon him. Callum may have been able to crush a man’s skull with nothing but his hands, but Beron would make sure at the end of the day that everyone knew who held the power.

His eyes were both blackened, turning to a sickly yellow and purple around the sockets, and his lip was still split wide open, indicative of the severity of the initial injury. Part of his hair had been burned off, as well as a variety of patches along his arms. Judging by the limp, she guessed the injuries ran deep below his clothing as well. Tilly remembered thinking when she’d come here that Eris had a limp–she’d recalled it from meeting him during that childhood visit–but he no longer suffered from one. She wondered with sudden clarity and nausea how early Beron had begun abusing his sons.

She subtly surveyed the table, Beron discussing some treaty with Bray over the meal. Eris barely feigned interest, that cold, calculating mask of indifference placed squarely on his beautiful face. It was still so strange to see how quickly he could slip in and out of the role, how stark the contrast was between this persona he used in front of everyone else and the person he was with her. They were still in the most tentative stages of friendship, still getting to know each other, but that night with the books had changed things between them. There was a mark of trust between them–two people who knew what it was like to have to pretend. Two people who had started to hope, beyond belief and what they’d been taught, that they might have found someone to trust with parts of themselves they’d been keeping in the dark for ages.

Another new addition was the switching of her guard to Cormac and Eris’ men. While she still knew better than to trust anyone in the Forest House, save Eris, she did much prefer their company. On the days Eris had to work or travel, she’d roam about the house, learning the different hallways and alcoves, and learning the habits of the people who lived there. She took great pains to never run into Beron, Aradnus, or the brothers alone. Even her guard could not save her from him, so she was very careful to avoid the situation altogether.

She observed the comings and goings of the brothers, too. Bray spent a great deal of his time in the large family library, both reading and working on political documents. He appeared incredibly studious, and was perhaps the only one who had caught Tilly watching him as he watched her in turn. Academic he may be, but he was lethal in a training ring. He was lithe, but she could tell by the way he moved that he’d spent his life being underestimated. He was quick as an adder, and always the first to strike. His likeness to Beron, save for his shock of bright red hair, left her permanently uneasy as she watched him. Callum, unsurprisingly, spent the majority of his time with the soldiers, sentries, and personal guards of the family. He was never without his swords, but he also had a laugh you could hear for what felt like miles. It bellowed like thunder through the halls of the great house, and reminded her a great deal of her father, actually. Killian was hard to track, as he spent most of his time away. Truly, that was fine with Tilly, as he scared her witless. She’d seen him no less than three times using a dangerously sharp dagger to pick at his nails as though that sort of pain pleased him. His scar unnerved her, and she’d sooner be caught dead than be anywhere alone with him–with any of them, really.

Her favorite place was still the garden, and she spent a great deal of time there, even taking tea there with Alanna a couple of times. Their conversations, as Alanna had warned her, stayed very surface level, but they had made their own ways to communicate. Alanna had also made a habit of sending snapdragons back with Tilly, doing her part to make Eris smile in the ways she still could. They talked about her sons, food, flowers, and growing up in Autumn. Tilly tried not to dwell too much on the way her heart warmed at the mothering Alanna was doing with her–it had been so long since she’d been able to feel a mother’s love, and she missed it. But, at times, it felt like a betrayal to receive the love that her true sons could no longer have from her.

By far, Tilly’s favorite thing about living in the Forest House had become nights spent in front of the fire with Eris and the hounds. Since the reading revelation, he had taken the time to pick out a few books he thought she might like, and she’d devoured them. He was thrilled to have someone to discuss these books with, and she always looked forward to tucking herself up on the couch, her feet beneath her and a dog or two at her side, to discuss the wild tales of fantasy and adventure with her husband. The light that animated his eyes, despite his snark at some of her opinions, was worth every second of less-than-pleasant interactions in the Forest House. That was where she found herself tonight–tucked into a corner of the couch in a nightgown, a thickly woven blanket around her shoulders and Cinder at her side, arguing with Eris about a main character that she felt was brave, and he felt was lacking basic common sense.

“He cares about his people. It makes him brave, not stupid. He’ll be a good ruler.” She rolled her eyes as he scoffed.

“You’d fit right into the Night Court, Tilly. Truly.” He sneered, but she could see the playful glint in his eyes.

“Alright, well, you’ll have to just drop me off next time, I suppose.” She leaned in to taunt him, resuming her scratching of Cinder as he nuzzled a wet nose into her hand.

“If you like brave but stupid males, I’ve got just the bats for you.” He said dryly. She couldn’t help but let a laugh escape, and it cracked his facade. They both dissolved into a fit of laughter, slumping back into the cushions of the couch. “That aside, don’t defect. I rather like having someone to talk to about these books.”

“Oh, I have no plans to. Who else’s literary opinions am I going to disagree with?” She threw a pillow at his face, which he didn’t even try to deflect.

“Treason it is, then.” He tossed the pillow back at her without even looking, knocking her hair back while he fixed his own, pushing a bright red curl back off his forehead. “How are things here, though? Are you feeling settled?” His tone was quieter, and he refused to meet her eyes as he asked, as if he was afraid of the answer.

“Truly, it isn’t bad. I had horrible worries about being here, none of which have come to pass. I miss the freedom of being outside and walking around, but I understand the circumstances. My husband is not too great of a beast, at least.” She lifted a brow at him and he chuckled again.

“I will see what we can do to get you outdoors.” He smiled at her, then looked back down to his book. Tilly was stuck staring at him.

He’d try to get her what she wanted. Could it truly have been that simple?

It had been so long since someone just cared. Not since her father had died. Without another word, she slipped her hand into his, twining their fingers, and set her eyes determinedly on her own book before she could change her mind.

Eris

Eris was thinking about cleaving a man’s head in two with a sword. He was thinking about the reek of death on a battlefield–blood and gore and piss and shit. Eris was thinking about the horrible fungus mushrooms that bloomed on the edges of the marshier woods of Autumn that stank like a decaying corpse and ruined the scenery for miles each year.

Eris was thinking every ugly thought so that he wouldn’t become a complete and total animal at the prospect of holding Tilly’s hand. His face betrayed nothing, his breath was steeled into controlled, even breaths, but his mind was absolutely racing. He knew the second he let himself think about the brush of her warm hands against his skin, the small, almost delicate, calluses of her fingertips brushing his, it wouldn’t be possible to hide his scent from her.

She had grabbed his hand with such ease, as though they’d sat and done this every night of their lives, and he’d just about swallowed his own tongue with the shock of it all. Every time she touched him, even in passing, he felt like his stomach would leap forth from his throat, but this sustained, gentle holding was a new torture of the most pleasant design. He struggled to swallow, even to keep his eyes, unfocused as they were, in the general direction of his book.

Deep breaths. In. Out. What sort of youngling was this reducing him to?

He’d been in a meeting with Beron and Killian earlier to discuss the fallout from the male Callum had killed. There had been funds deposited to the tavern owner, and the family of the man killed had been threatened by Aradnus to gain their silence and complacency. Eris and his brothers had been there to watch the beating Beron had brought down on Callum in the aftermath. They always were. Beron ensured all the brothers were to watch each time penance was dealt, and they were expected to show the correct amount of bloodlust for the beatings.

Callum had taken the lashings and punches and fire stoically, as was expected of him. Eris had jeered, looking down his nose at Callum, as was expected of him. The brothers all sneered and smirked over the beating, as was expected of them. Beron wasn’t even mad that Callum had killed a man–he was angered because it had been a fight over a female. Beron hated nothing more than anyone whispering any utterance of the worth of a female. The fact that his son had killed a man over one was shameful, and that drove his rage harder than anything else.

Tilly knew how to play the role well, fantastically even. In another world, she would easily stand at his side as equal. She knew how to work the court, speak to the courtiers and the simpering idiots of the noble houses, and manipulate her tone and personality to fit the people she was required to entertain. In a world without Beron’s looming specter, he would make her his High Lady in a blink, and she would certainly be more suited for it than Feyre, the fresh fae who was only an illiterate human last season, it seemed.

She deserved more than this. She deserved more than him and this godsforsaken house. She knew how to play the role, but she shouldn’t have to. His eyes found her, as they seemed to constantly, looking entirely content tucked up onto this couch with him, holding his hand and reading his books and shining in the firelight. Perhaps it was selfish, but he wouldn’t give her up, even if she did deserve more. She would never be fully safe here, with him, but he knew already he would move heavens to keep her out of harm’s reach.

He knew that she wasn’t anything like the daughters of noble families that he’d been forced to interact with before, and she wasn’t going to be won with bought items. No jewels were going to make her smile. No, Eris needed to get her outside. She had told him what she missed was the freedom of the outside world, and if she’d done her part to keep their act up and keep his secrets, then the least he could do was give her some slice of nature, considering they were surrounded by it.

Eris stroked a single finger along Tilly’s palm, felt her shiver, and smiled to himself as he began to plan.

____________

“I think it’s important that they see her with me, see how I am able to control a bride so that they might trust me further to control the assets of Autumn.” The words felt like acid tumbling from his mouth, but he kept his face blank as he pitched the idea to Beron, who was currently splayed in his own chair at the head of the study table, stroking his chin.

“It isn’t the worst idea, if you can control the bitch.” Eris fought to not grit his teeth. “She seems to know her place. Wouldn’t it be an inconvenience to travel with her, though?” The question was calculated and calmly placed–a test.

“She will not require much, she knows her worth does not lie in her ability to contribute. Her only value lies in her ability to serve me, and so she will.” He wanted to rip his traitorous tongue from his own mouth at the words. They coiled inside him like snakes, writhing and venomous, but Beron looked pleased at the answer. He’d passed.

“It will do good to have them see how you’ve brought a female from the wild edges of Autumn to heel, especially once you’ve bred her.” The fire raging in Eris told him to lunge at Beron and rip out his throat.

Get it together.

“Fine, you may bring her along.”

He tipped his head down in a bow. “Will that be all, father?” He always toed the line of being respectful and indifferent, but found that Beron had come to accept his general sneering disinterest. In fact, he felt it better equipped him to deal with the matters befitting an heir in Autumn. Beron was under the impression that, of all his sons, Eris was the one who never let emotions get the better of him. It had worked in his favor so far.

“For this meeting with the lords at Granthall this week, you will go alone. They do not like strange females in their port.” Another nod. He’d be a few days away, but maybe he could use the time to set up something special. The wheels were already turning in his mind, but he kept his eyes fixed on the floor. “You may leave.”

He turned on his heel and exited the study. He knew he needed to get a reign on his emotions–he couldn’t fathom why he was reacting this strongly. Eris had curated years and years of control–centuries even. He cared about Tilly, of course. She was kind, and he could not deny the feelings that had begun to evolve. He was falling for his wife, but it was a dangerous thing for him to feel so undone by her after so short a time. Especially as he felt those walls he defended so staunchly falling. Beron could not know how he cared for her, not now, not ever. He remembered painfully what had become of Jesminda.

He released the wards as he entered their rooms, Tilly poked her head out of the bedroom.

“Hello! I’m just putting away the last of my clothes. I put a few trinkets on the shelves in the study–not many–I hope you won’t mind.” He smiled.

“Not at all.” he shucked his jacket off and went to look. There, on the shelves, were a few small items that had not been there before. A wood-carved tree of flame, a small iron bow and arrow, and some pressed flowers in resin. On his desk was another beautiful vase of snapdragons. He’d come to expect and love their presence in their rooms. Her small acts of comfort, the little pieces of her strewn about the space, were endearing him to her all the more. It was seamless how easily she’d fit into his everyday life, and he couldn’t find it in himself to complain.

He walked back to their room, putting his hand on the doorframe and peaking around it at her.

“I’ve got a surprise for you.” She turned quickly, a few pieces of golden hair flying into her eyes which she quickly pushed away. Her cheeks were flushed, and she looked at him wide-eyed.

“A surprise? For me?” She turned from wide-eyed shock to disbelief in seconds, her brows crinkling. “What kind of surprise?” Eris laughed.

“A good one. You’ll like it. Unfortunately, you’ll have to wait a few days for it. I must go to the coast to deal with the ports and the unfortunate lords that go with them. When I return, I will take you. It should only be a week or so.” He let the distaste seep into his voice, but the smile was back on her face.

“Oh, how terrible.” She pretended to pout. “Eris, must be wined and dined by the rich lordlings of the realm. A truly sad hardship of life.” She shot him a smirk, and he stuttered through every thought. He couldn’t remember the last person who’d had the balls to mock him, other than his brothers, and even that was rife with tension. When his smile crawled across his face, it was genuine.

“I’ll try to survive it, just for you, my lady.” He raised her hand and kissed it, and the quiet, involuntary gasp that shuttered between her perfect lips was worth it.

Tilly

It had been four days since Eris had left, and Tilly was bored. Before he’d left, Eris had again warned her to be cautious in his absence, so she’d tried to remain in their rooms as much as possible. She’d taken most of her meals there and avoided the garden, much to her dismay. The guards took the dogs for walks, and they always looked very nervous to do so, but Cormac was always delighted to see them.

Tilly found, more than anything, she truly missed Eris’ company. The rooms were too cold, too quiet, without him there. She had expected to be bored in his absence, but she hadn’t expected to miss him so deeply, especially at night, and she’d been trying to use the days with him gone to unpack that. She’d been lonely. So much so, that she’d taken to letting the dogs sleep sprawled out across their massive bed. She craved the warmth that she’d grown accustomed to in the time she’d been there, and at least the dogs could allow her to pretend as she drifted to sleep each night.

He had said he’d be about a week, so she knew she’d have a few days still to go. She found herself awake in the bed, stroking Hestia’s warm belly and wondering what he’d meant by a surprise. Hestia, the sweet girl, was truly Eris’ dog. Tilly swore sometimes he’d speak to Hestia, and Hestia would answer him in her own way. She’d warmed to Tilly in the past few weeks, though, and now was always excited for the belly rubs she knew would follow Tilly’s presence.

He’s going to rage when he finds that they’ve evicted him from the bed.

She giggled in spite of herself, and tried her hardest to close her eyes and beckon sleep, but it wasn’t coming to her tonight. Every time she shut her eyes, all she could see was his. She couldn’t deny how attractive she found Eris, but things were precarious right now. This was a friendship where they’d be expected to produce another heir, and sooner rather than later. The difficulty of the fae getting pregnant was notorious, which bought them some time, but would getting actual feelings involved complicate this even more? To Eris, this was transactional, she was sure. If she put her heart out on the line for him and he squashed it beneath his immaculately polished boot, would it make the rest of their lives together doubly uncomfortable? Knowing that she had been the fool to fall in love, when he’d been perfectly fine to do more than was required and be her friend in an arranged marriage?

She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes and groaned quietly. It was more than just the strategy of it all, too. She wanted him, and she hated to admit it. She couldn't fathom how she was going to lay with him intimately and not allow her feelings to progress any further when she already felt as though she were about to erupt into flames every time his eyes wandered over her.

Deciding whether or not to fall in love with my own husband, what a joke.

She would have laughed at the irony of it all, but she heard the front doors to the main room creaking. They had a tell–a single creak once they passed a certain point on the hinge. It was quiet but unmistakable, and Tilly shot out of the bed at breakneck speed.

She’d put the wards back up, right?

Relying on instinct alone, she rifled through Eris’ bedside drawer, immediately finding the blade she’d guessed he’d hide there. She blew out the candle closest to her, moving the blankets so someone appeared to still be sleeping there. The dogs hadn’t moved other than to grunt at her for jostling them. Perhaps they hadn’t heard.

She tiptoed on feather-light feet, dagger in hand, and perched behind the door to the room in the shadows. Everything was silent as the grave, but Tilly could sense a presence on the other side of the door. Who would be stupid enough to break into the heir’s chambers and attempt to kill Eris? She was overcome with a blinding outrage at the thought, and she fought to contain her fire as she hid in the darkness.

A creak on the floorboards just feet outside the door–they were close. She readied her knife, every muscle in her body coiled and ready to strike. Centuries of training with her father had left her deadly with a knife, and she planned to use every bit of the rage and offense that was digging through her veins. The shadowy figure had barely passed the doorway when she jumped, deftly wrapping her arm with the dagger around the stranger’s throat, pressing the cold steel to the skin and sticking an ankle behind their legs to destabilize them. In a voice darker than night itself, she asked “Who sent you here?” She’d be damned if someone was here to hurt her or Eris.

A warm hand gently wrapped around hers, caressing her fingers with elegant ones of his own.

“It seems my darling wife has some further skills we might need to discuss.” Eris’ voice was a low rumble, and she felt the sound through his back. She gasped and dropped the knife to the ground, pulling back and releasing him.

“Gods, Eris!” He chuckled in the dark, casting a flame into his hand and illuminating the tight space of the doorway where they found themselves with only a breath in between them. “I am so sorry. I thought someone had broken in to kill us.” She was breathless.

“Tilly, no one is getting through those wards but you and me. This, however, has been incredibly illuminating.” His smirk told her that she would be doing some explaining.

Eris

Cauldron boil and fry me.

She’d had a knife to his throat. She’d known immediately and without hesitation how to disarm an intruder. She could have killed him before he’d even gotten a word out. He’d illuminated the room with a flame close to their eyes to pull attention away from the erection now straining painfully against the front of his trousers.

The lovely smell of vanilla and fire slowly moved over him, taking over every other sense of his until all he could focus on was her wide eyes in the dark. He wanted her hands on him, he wanted his mouth on her. The situation wasn’t at all helped by the blush that had rapidly spread over her cheeks and beautifully arched ears, or the rapid heaving of her chest mere inches away from him.

Eris’ only saving grace was that at that exact moment he caught sight of five very large and familiar shapes taking up the entirety of their bed.

“Tilly, why are there five dogs in our bed?” He could see her blush anew, though he wasn’t positive if it was at being caught or at the usage of the term “our”. Hestia lifted her head and chuffed at him, then went back to sleep.

“I, uh, I was having trouble sleeping without you.” She said it so quietly he barely heard it, but the admission made his chest burn.

She’d missed him.

He wound the flame back and grabbed for her hands in the dark, the only light now coming from the moon outside. “I missed you.” He whispered. “But I finished early, and I finished your surprise, too. It will be ready for us tomorrow.” The look in her eyes in the dim moonlight was enough to knock the wind from him–open and excited and happy.

“I can’t wait. Truly, I am simply glad you’re home early.” Eris bent to pick the knife up off the floor. He flipped it in his hand and handed it to her, hilt first.

“This is yours now, but I’ll get you a prettier one, too.” He wasn’t sure what possessed him, but he winked at her as he said it, regretting it immediately.

What are you playing at, you idiot?

But the way she bashfully turned her gaze away made him rethink his regret.

He lovingly shooed the dogs back to their own beds, much to their grumbling annoyance, and pulled down the covers, heating the bed for Tilly as she sighed. He disrobed quietly in the dark, risking taking his shirt off entirely tonight, and climbing into the warm bed and letting her sweet smell wash over him once again.

“I am very glad you’re home.” Her musical voice bridged across the bed.

“I am, too. Let’s get some sleep, and when we go see your surprise in the morning, you can tell me all about these secret skills you have.”

+++

The sunflowers were on fire, scorching stalks raised high towards the sky as if reaching for the sun in one last plea for life.

Eris could hear sobbing, horrible piercing wails that cut through his chest and threatened to bowl him over.

“Beron, please. I’m sorry!” His mother. It was his mother.

“You’re not supposed to be out here frolicking in these insipid flowers with our son. You’re supposed to be waiting for me. It’s been years, Alanna. Aren’t you able to learn a simple routine?” He could hear his father growling at his mother, and he knew what would come next.

Eris tucked himself behind the bushes, closing his eyes and evening his breaths. He clutched the blooms he’d accidentally ripped from the ground trying to smell them. He was only six, but he knew what these fights meant. He knew what would happen to his mother next. She always smelled like honey and chestnuts and warm hearth smoke, but for the next few days it would be tinged with the sharp copper tang of blood, too.

“I was just watering the flowers–we were coming right back!” Some of the fight reentered her voice then, but the smack sounded through the courtyard, and the tears dripped hot and heavy down Eris’ round cheeks.

“I don’t give a fuck about these Day flowers.” Eris could hear her hitting the ground, and he’d had enough. He wouldn’t remember what exactly had possessed him, but he ran out from the flowers, dropping the snapdragon blooms with dirt still clotted at the bottoms from his hand, and pointing his finger at his father.

“You leave her alone!”

“Eris, no–” But he stood strong between Beron and his mother, the adrenaline and the urge to protect the one joyful part of his life overwhelming all other senses.

“Don’t you touch her!” Beron’s eyebrows flew up, rage covering his face as he took in the scene before him.

Disgust. It was disgust on his face.

Before he could even blink, Beron had him by the arm, lifting him off the ground as he cried out. He could hear his mother shrieking.

“You think you’re old enough to stand in my way? Then you’re old enough to learn who has the power in this house.” Eris cried against the pain as he felt his arm dislocating while Beron dragged him violently down a dark hallway, his mothers screams fading behind him on the wind.

“ERIS.” He was screaming. Beron’s hands were on him, and he thrashed against the grip. “Eris! It’s Tilly! Stop fighting!” The shock hit him like a bucket of cold water.

Tilly. Tilly was here. It had been a nightmare.

He panted, sheets drenched with his sweat, Tilly’s cold hand gently caressing his bare shoulder.

“It’s okay. It’s just a nightmare. It’s okay.” He was having trouble catching his breath, but her hand on his skin was allowing him to focus, to fill his lungs one short breath at a time. “I’m here. Would you like some water?” Her voice was soft and calm, soothing. He nodded sharply, still unable to speak. It had been so long since he’d had a nightmare about his mother. He’d buried them and the memories so far beneath everything else for so long, they rarely surfaced anymore. He heard Tilly padding back to the bed, handing him the cool glass. He lifted it to his lips and drank, finally starting to come back into himself.

“Are you okay? That seemed horrible.” Her voice was quiet, but her hand found his back again in the dark, almost imperceptibly rubbing circles along his skin.

“Sometimes…” His voice was hoarse. Fuck. How loudly had he been screaming. “Sometimes I dream about my mother.” Her hand never stopped moving, gentle sweeping motions up and down his back and over his shoulders as his breathing evened out.

“Do you want to talk about them?” He let his head sag, his eyes falling closed. He felt like he hadn’t slept in years.

“No,” he whispered. “But thank you, Tilly. Thank you.”

“Come on, let’s lay back down.” He felt like his bones were creaking as he lowered himself back down to the mattress, pulling the covers up over them. Her hand left his back, only to trace its way down his arm and grasp his fingers tightly in hers. “I’m here if you need me, okay?” The warmth in his chest warred with the void left by the jarring nightmare.

“I can’t tell you what it means…” He didn’t know how to say it.

“It’s nothing, Eris. I’m here.”

But it was something. It was everything.

Taglist of the most lovely humans alive <3: @cauldronblssd@queercontrarian @byyalady @thelovelymadone @clockwork-ashes @lovingkelj

#acotar #a court of thorns and roses #eris x oc #eris vanserra #eris acotar #vanserra brothers #flame of autumn #arranged marriage #allies to lovers #eris vanserra x oc

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hb-writes · 8 months

Text

A Bit of Peace

Summary: 1918. Clara thought the boys coming home safe would fill her with a bit of peace, but with the boys back in Birmingham, everything just seems different. Off. Tommy's not sleeping. Arthur's always drinking. John doesn't laugh as much. Ada's never home. Finn's never been meaner to his twin. And Clara doesn't know what to do with any of it.

Characters: Tommy Shelby, Finn Shelby, Joey Shelby (John's kid) & Clara Shelby

Request (from anon back in Oct 2022 for the LLB 4 year celebration): Dialogue number 10 please. Maybe younger Finn and Clara (around the age she is currently in LLB) and he is annoying her and all she wants is some peace and quiet xx

Content Warnings: nightmares, PTSD

Little Lady Blinder Masterlist

Please take a moment to tell me what y'all think! Reviews and comments are always appreciated. 😌❤️

Clara heard something over the quiet of the house—some sort of noise that worked as a lead around her neck, yanking her out of her dreams, the wisps of which she couldn’t quite cling to though she knew it had been a good dream, something better than real life though still close enough to be a comfort that had carried her through the early morning hours.

She turned toward her brother. Tommy was beside her under the covers, asleep and still aside from the steady heaving of his chest, though there was a terrible crease there in the middle of his forehead, an unrest Clara wished she could reach out and smooth away with a swipe of her thumb.

Clara had a feeling it would only wake him though, any deviation from the right here and right now, and as much as she wished to soothe, to return them to some sort of normal that wasn’t the normal they found themselves in now, she knew Tommy needed to rest.

He needed the peace.

Her brother was tired—exhausted, really. Tommy had a weariness about him that Clara only saw in bits and pieces, most often late at night or early in the morning, before the rest of the house was awake. She saw it in those very quiet moments, few as they were. And even in those moments, she rarely saw it for long. Tommy was good at keeping it to himself, his own way of keeping the peace.

Clara had seen it in hime the night before though, the color of disquiet painted in Tommy's eyes when she pushed his door open sometime after 2 in the morning.

He had been on the bed when Clara came in, his gaze only catching onto hers after a very long moment, almost if Tommy had been somewhere else entirely rather than there on Watery Lane, as if Clara's tentative late-night knocking had been slowly calling him home, back to her.

Clara regretted the interruption as she struggled to find the once steadfast connection with her brother, almost immediately regretting her decision to get out of bed. The two of them looked at each other in the near dark of Tommy's room and neither of them spoke. Tommy took a deep breath and ran a hand over his face as Clara remained by the door.

There was a time when Clara had taken the steps between her and Tommy's bedrooms without a thought, like the train tracks carrying Clara’s concerns led only to her brother’s arms. But that all felt like it was from a different time. Back when Clara was little. Back when she knew her brother, knew their life. She didn’t know anything now. Not really.

They were all so different now—her brothers, her sister, her…Clara had barely seen her sister in the short weeks since the boys had returned home. If she had seen her sister, she might have asked her about everything she was feeling, all the things she couldn't quite say to Tommy. Clara might have voiced her concerns to Ada, hoping beyond hope that it wouldn’t be dismissed, that her melancholy wouldn’t be misconstrued for something she didn't want it to be.

Because the boys were home now. This was what Clara had been wishing on, praying on in the pew beside Aunt Polly each and every time she was dragged off to church. Clara had worn out the request, asking again and again to have the boys back, to have their family back together. She had asked to have Tommy in the room beside her, ready to soothe her nightmares. She had asked to have Arthur’s all-encompassing hugs and the warm blanket of John’s laughter. Clara had asked for it all, but somehow what she got had fallen short of whatever she had imagined in her head leaving a heavy, aching feeling in her chest that she couldn’t quite understand, couldn’t help but feel guilty of. Because it should have been enough. She should have been grateful.

A noise sounded off again down the hall—Finn was messing about with their nephew, making a racket even though the sun was barely up. She'd nearly gone to her twin's room last night before remembering that their nephew was there with him. Clara had known she'd get no comfort for Finn in that case, not when there was an audience.

Clara glanced at Tommy again. Still he slept, a bit of restlessness in him now, a tense relationship there between him and sleep, but a relation nevertheless.

Clara had lay awake beside her brother for hours after they stopped speaking, both of them pretending beneath the covers and closeness that had once been a comfort. She'd been the restless one then, the tension between them making her feel very sorry for sharing any of her woes with Tommy in the first place, as if the bad dream she’d had was very silly thing—trivial. Certainly not something to be concerning her big brother about in the middle of the night. She was too big for that sort of thing.

Even though Tommy had offered Clara his reassurances, it didn't offer her the slightest bit of peace, all the usual words she remembered sounding a bit flat and tired as they came from his lips. Tommy had never liked it when Clara lied to him, omitting things and sparing him the troubling thoughts on her mind, but she got to thinking she should have kept her woes to herself this time. Something told her that maybe—this time—Tommy wouldn't mind so much.

When the noise from the hall sounded again, Clara gently lifted the covers and eased herself from the mattress. She winced as her bare toes touched the cool wood floors, turning back to see if the movement or the small hiss that had shot through her lips had shaken her brother from his rest, but Tommy' still slept's eyes were still closed, his breaths still steady and deep.

Clara crossed the room and eased the door open just enough for her body to slip through. Any further and Clara knew it would announce her movements with a nasty creak. She closed the door slowly, holding her breath as if the sounds she was making would wake him rather than the sounds from Finn’s bedroom, the noise coming on more steadily now.

There was a time when Clara and Finn were allowed to make all the noise they wished in the early morning hours, a time when there were fewer of them in the house, just the twins and Polly and Ada. Polly always woke early to deal with business or God. And their Ada slept like the dead, leaving Clara and Finn and whoever else was around to play without concern for their volume, without need of keeping any sort of peace and quiet. If anything, the house had been too quiet back then, too empty.

But that had all changed with the boys back home, with Tommy back in his bedroom at the end of the hall. Even though it was rare that Tommy was asleep when the twins weren’t, Clara made an effort anyhow. She made an effort to keep a peace no one had explicitly asked for.

“What do you want?” Finn asked before Clara could even push herself over the threshold, some small part of her shying away from the hard edge of her twin’s tone.

“Yeah, what do you want?” Joey echoed, mimicking his uncle, feeling bold in the absence of a real adult.

Clara tried to pull the door closed behind her, to muffle the conversation she was sure carried down the hall to Tommy’s sleeping ears. She shushed her twin and her nephew as the latch caught.

“Silence,” Clara whispered. “But it seems that’s too much to ask for, so maybe just be a little quieter. Tommy’s still sleeping.”

Finn rolled his eyes. “Only because you’re a baby. Kept him up with your crying last night,” he said. “Us too. We could hear you carrying on. Right, Joey?”

The little boy nodded and Clara’s lip wobbled ever so slightly, a tight lump forming in her throat and making her want to cry, the start of hot tears forming at the corner of her eyes, her fitful night of sleep settling her already charged emotions on edge.

Clara wasn’t exactly sure when Finn had become so different, when he had changed, a bit of a mean streak sowed in his veins, but it gave Clara a bit of whiplash. The behavior wasn’t consistent, not something Clara could predict. Had that been the case, she might have steered clear of her brother all together, but there were many days when the two were closer than anyone on the earth could be. There were nights where the two of them still had midnight conferences, when it was Finn who soothed his sister after the bad dreams.

And then there were days like these.

“Go on, Clara girl. Go cry someplace else,” Finn said.

Clara considered it, her feet begging to run to the safety of her bedroom, where she could slam her door and let her tears fall. She considered it only because she’d forgotten why she came to her brother’s room in the first place.

It seemed as if Finn had forgotten, too.

Silence. Peace. That's what Clara had been after.

“Go on,” Finn said, standing and pushing her aside to open the door. He nodded down the hallway. “Go cry to Tommy again, you little baby.”

Joey laughed and the words echoed in Clara’s ear.

You little baby.

It wasn’t the first Clara had been called that, not by Finn or anyone else in the family, but something about hearing it now seemed different. It was like a latch unhooked in the depths of Clara’s soul, all that had been laying in wait, the heavy, confusing things weighing on her heat coming out of her as she charged at her twin.

The two of them landed on the floor of the hallway with a crash, Finn shouting as Clara straddled him, punching and slapping at him as he tried to block her. Finn’s mouth hung open with some silent call Clara couldn’t hear, the sound of her rage—her confusion and anxiety and sadness—pounding too loud in her ears for her to hear anything.

She didn’t know Finn had been calling out for Tommy until she felt a strong hand grip her arm. Tommy pulled Clara to her feet with a quickness that left her feeling a distinct bit of pain where her arm connected with her shoulder.

All of the peace Clara had been working to preserve was gone now, the same exhaustion and tension and pain sowed in her brother’s face as he turned her toward him now.

Tommy’s mouth moved, but Clara couldn't hear it over the sound of her own tears. She was far enough away, down in the depths of her own mind and her own pain, that she didn’t hear it, not until Tommy shook her a bit and repeated himself.

“What's going on? What are you thinking?”

Clara’s mind sifted through a list of potential answers as she continued crying. There were too many questions and concerns and thoughts she had had in the time since her brothers had come back to them and her mind was thinking on all of them at once. There were so many Clara could have kept her brother standing there for hours if she decided to tell him, but Clara didn’t voice a single one of them.

She let her tears keep falling instead, closing in on herself rather than burdening her brother any further. Tommy turned to Finn for an explanation. Clara let him place the blame on her. She barely heard Tommy's warning about fighting and the moment Tommy’s grip loosened enough to allow it, Clara ran to her room, slamming the door behind her.

It wasn’t until the tears subsided that Clara realized it was all for naught. Whatever peace she’d been trying to preserve on Tommy’s behalf was wasted because when Tommy had lifted her off Finn, he’d already been dressed and ready for the day. His peace had been disturbed far before Finn called for help. Far before the kids tumbled to the floor, shouting at one another.

Clara didn’t know, but Tommy had been pulled from his slumber by a sound infinitely louder than the sound of two kids playing down the hall in the early morning. Louder than a little sister’s footsteps on the hardwood floor or the creak of an old door. Louder than the characteristic sounds of an argument between two ten-year-olds.

The second his sister had shifted away, Tommy had been plagued by the sound of shovels against the bedroom wall, the echoes so loud he nearly didn’t hear Finn calling out his name or his sister’s wild hollering. The twins' words had been indecipherable through the closed door, through the cacophony of Tommy's memories, but Finn and Clara's shouting pulled Tommy back to Watery Lane, offering him a reprieve from the shovels, offering him a small bit of peace.

Little Lady Blinder Masterlist

#peaky blinders #peaky blinders fanfic #tommy shelby #tommy shelby fanfic #finn shelby #finn shelby fanfic #clara shelby #shelby!sister #shelby sister #little lady blinder #raise a glass to llb #this is so late thank you for the patience

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animeyanderelover · 9 months

Text

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, stalking, abduction

Prompt 195

You twirled the wine glass in your hands gently to release some of the nervousness that had been haunting you for this last week, watching the red liquor swirling around inside as it started looking like a little whirlpool. You couldn't help but clutch the bowl of the glass tightly as your dwelling fear didn't want to let you go. Your hands were slightly sweaty, a natural reaction of your fear which made you in the back of your mind worry that you might drop the glass. You had the money to pay the hotel if it should demand you to pay for the glass but you'd like to avoid leaving too many traces of you. You didn't want him to find you again, whatever he was.

You carefully pulled the curtain away from the window, your fingers softly gracing the silky fabric of rich red colour and peeked outside, observing the streets under you. Street lights were starting to switch on slowly as the sun bid farewell in the horizon, illuminating the sky above you in the gorgeous colours of gold, pink and orange. It would have been a sight to marvel at if it wouldn't have been for your paranoia as your (e/c) gaze ran over the streets and the people beneath you, looking so tiny from your high position in the 13th floor. It would have been hard for you to identify anyone from up here with your mere eyesight alone but you felt confident enough that you could spot a 6'6 inches tall man in red from up here, no matter the time of the day.

You downed the last bit of your alcohol, the aged and rich flavour filling your senses and for a short moment you dearly wished to be able to consume enough of the liquor to forget all your worries and finally loosen up a bit. That would have been reckless though so as fast as the thought popped up in your head, as fast did you forget about it again. Maybe after you ad safely left the country would you get properly drunk, when you had nothing to worry about anymore. With a heavy sigh you let go of the curtain, letting it drop back into it's place, hiding you from all human eyes. You put the glass back onto the table, next to the opened bottle of wine you had let one of the employee deliever to your room before rummaging through your suitcase, pulling out your clothes for the night. A warm shower before going to bed to hopefully soothe your tense muscles sounded heavenly to you as you headed to the bathroom, locking the door behind you for safety reasons as soon as you entered. Technically you were alone in this room but you could never be sure enough.

---

By the time you left the bathroom, darkness had already taken over the world outside. There was a temperature drop the moment you stepped out of the bathroom and the air around you wasn't anylonger steamy and hot. Your hair was still slightly damp and you had wrapped a towel around your shoulders to prevent the fabric of your top to absorb any of the wetness. The clothes you had worn today were folded neatly before you put them back inside your suitcase, considering shortly if you should choose what to wear for tomorrow before deciding that you'd decide spontanously. The lamp next to the bed was switched on before you turned off the lights of the room. The dimmer light of the small lamp immersed the room into a different sort of atmosphere, although you did not pay that matter too much thought as your gaze met the table where the bottle and the glass were placed on.

You quickly walked over when you noticed it, panic filling your chest. Hadn't you placed the glass differently than it was placed now? You tried to rewind your memories but realised to your rising unease that you couldn't clearly remember since you had put the glass down without much thought. So maybe you were just imagining things after all? If it would have been that simple to calm yourself, you would have done it a long time ago. Instead you found yourself going back to the window, pulling the curtain back one last time to observe the surroundings. Luckily for you the surroundings close to the hotel were lit so that you could still see everyone who entered and left the hotel. You held out in this position for a couple of minutes, eyes racing back and forth, waiting for every movement that they could spot. Eventually you managed to tear your gaze away, taking a deep breath as you tried to reassure yourself that you were probably just imagining things after all.

That did not stop you from checking three times whether the door to your room was properly locked and that there was nothing under your bed. You almost felt like you were back in your childhood days, seeing if there were any monsters under your bed. Only that this time there was indeed a monster potentially coming after you. What blissful and ignorant days you had lived as a child, it was rather nostalgic.

Only after you had opened every closet and drawer and had found nothing had you felt secure enough to lay down in the bed. Your thumb had lingered on the switch for the lamp for a few solid moments as you couldn't shake off the feeling of fright to be left alone in a dark room, it took surprisingly much willpower to switch the light off and even then you found yoursel sitting up, thumb still on the switch and hearkening for every suspicious sound that could force you to switch the light back on.

It took you a while to fall asleep as every little sound and every pair of footsteps you heard made your heart drop for a short second, your ears almost hypersensitive to the slightest of sounds. When sleep eventually came over you, you fell into fretful dreams about the tall man with his black hair and glowing red eyes...

---

You woke up with an intensive shiver going through your body, your heart racing to the point of it being painful as you took shaky and labored breaths,a dreadful heaviness deep inside your chest. You could feel the sweat on your forehead and your temples, your hair stuck to the dampened skin as your body was uncomfortably hot underneath the thick blankets. It was a cumbersome task to force your body to listen as it felt like you were paralyzed, your limps heavy as you kicked the blankets off your body and let the colder air around you cool down your heated body. For a while you just laid there inside the mattress, moving your toes and fingers to regain a feeling of control over your body and force it out of it's frozen state. You instantly started to listen to everything around you, although there was little you could pick up. It must have been very late at night for it to be so silent as you could only pick up the occasional sound of footsteps above or under you from another guest inside the hotel.

The darkness made you automatically feel skittish and you silently lamented that you had woken up whilst it was still night instead of waking up in the morning when the sun was shining and everything looked less scary. You slowly sat up inside the bed, rubbing the palm of your hands against your eyes to get rid of the last bit of sleepiness before your one hand reached out for the lamp on the bedside cabinet, precisely the bedside lamp. Your fingertips patted the wood of the table before feeling the switch, a silent clicking sound filling the room shortly as you switched it on.

Only that nothing happened.

You switched it off and on again, hoping that it might work if you'd do so. Still nothing happened as you were left in the darkness. Now you started to panic as you started frantically turning the bulb on and off, the clicking sound of the switch echoing in your room as you furiously and anxiously tried to activate the light. You finally let go after a while as you attempted to regain even a crumb of coolness, telling yourself that it might be defect. Sure, it had worked perfectly when you had gone to bed, but stuff could just magically break over night. You'd just switch on the lights in the room instead.

You carefully put both of your feet on the carpet on the ground, contemplating for a few seconds whether or not you should just go back to sleep and ignore the issue with the broken lamp. You couldn't do, your mind still wrought up about this weird accident. You needed the reassurance to see that the room was still perfectly fine and that the lights still worked to feel a piece of serenity. With those thoughts in mind you heaved yourself up from the mattress and slowly tiptoed your way to the switch of the other lights. It was pretty dark and you had a bit of troubles navigating yourself through the room, even if it wasn't that big. Your hands were stretched out, feeling across the wall as soon as you could feel it's material under the tip of your fingers. You let out a relieved breath when you finally found the switch, instantly turning the lights on. Or at least trying to do so yet only the click of the switch being turned could be heard as otherwise nothing changed.

Your fingers hovered over the switch, twitching and trembling lightly as you briefly wondered if it would work if you would just turn it on and off repeatedly but your reasonable side somehow knew that you'd be about as successfull as you'd been with the lamp.

Why weren't the lights working? Was there a power breakdown? Should you take a look outside the window to see if you could see any lights still being on inside the lobby? Or should you just go outside your room and see if you could find someone from the staff? You just didn't want to stay inside this dark room any longer.

You shifted from one foot to another, unsure from which option to choose. Your thoughts and emotions were running back and forth inside of you, making you very twitchy as you weren't able to stay fully still. You took a step back, your hands still lightly stretched out as you didn't know what to do with that fidgety body of yours. Your back made contact with something firm behind you and you foolishly thought it to be the other side of the wall for a moment before you felt huge hands wrapping themselves around your shoulder, stopping you from the nervous little dance you were performing at such late hours.

The horror shot through your body like a bullet, your body entering a flight or fight response as you started trashing around, wanting to open your mouth to let out a scream. Before any sound could leave your lips though, one of his hands quickly placed itself above your mouth, pushing your head back so that it made contact with his built. You froze, recalling how easily he could squash someone's head.

You could feel how he leaned down, his locks of hair brushing against your neck and your cheeks, silently hushing you as you started to quietly sob. Your knees faltered beneath you as you shortly lost strength and it was only due to him quickly reacting and wrapping his other arm tightly around your waist that you didn't stumble to the ground, his grip secure as he pressed you only tighter against him.

"Hush, my dear. We do not want to disturb all the other people in here."

You couldn't help but break out in even more muffled sobs that shook your body when you heard his voice, raspy and silent as he whispered those words close to your ear. It was really him.

Alucard. The servant of Sir Integra Hellsing.

One of your hands shot weakly up to his own that was tightly pressed above the lower half of your face, tugging meekly at it in a silent plead to have him release you.

"Hmm...Promise that you won't scream if I remove my hand." he hummed when noting your silent way of begging and you quickly nodded, unable to do much more than that. He slowly let go, releasing the tight pressure on your jaw he had inflicted due to his firm hold. You took a few deep breath as soon as your mouth wasn't restricted anymore, trying your best to stop yourself from having a mental breakdown, your heart hitting your ribcage to the point that it stung inside your chest.

His now unoccupied hand started caressing you, going from the back of your neck to your shoulders before sliding down your arm. It almost fooled you into believing that he was trying to calm you down a bit but you couldn't help but feel like his gesture was indirectly mocking you for having attempted to outrun him in the first place. The two words he spoke next only confirmed your suspicion, clarifying to you that you wouldn't go anywhere anymore from now on.

“~Found you~”

---

When a member of the staff entered the next morning your room after you hadn't checked out yet and hadn't answered any calls or them knocking on your door, they found it empty. All your stuff was still there, inside your luggage and there wasn't a single sign of anything wrong as everything seemed ordinary. From the wine glass and the bottle still standing on the table to the lamp and the lights, working perfectly as soon as they were switched on. You had just disappeared.

#yandere hellsing #yandere alucard

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