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ironhusband · 3 years

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Honestly, Bucky had expected that dating Sam would be easier than this.

With everything that he and Sam had gone through to finally get together, he had wanted everything to be smooth sailing once he finally had Sam. Their perfect happy ending, cut straight from the movies and into their lives. They deserved it.

That wasn’t real life, however.

When Bucky finally had Sam in his arms, there were a myriad of relationship things that Bucky had to learn. He had to get used to all of Sam's quirks and he had the entirety of Sam’s family to win over. He had to learn the way to this obscure place where Sam liked to buy his orange juice and he had to study for days to remember that Sam’s aunt liked orange jewelry. But if Bucky was honest? He didn’t mind that part. He didn’t mind getting to know what Sam was like in a relationship or meeting Sam’s family. That would never be a hardship for him.

What he did mind was that stupid fucking drone.

It all started with Sam and Bucky making out on the couch. This wasn’t unusual in itself; sometimes the news was boring and Sam and Bucky got distracted. Sucking on Sam’s tongue was more interesting than anything else, frankly.

Sam was pressed against the couch by Bucky’s hips, his hands wandering under Bucky’s shirt as Bucky took Sam’s lips between his teeth. Sam removed his hand from Bucky's shirt to run his fingers through Bucky’s hair, causing Bucky to pinch Sam’s waist. Bucky was coming up to change the angle of the kiss and-

When he looked up the drone was staring directly at them.

It took a long time for Bucky to recognize that their home was safe and not, as a reflex, shoot at any sort of intimidating sight and sound. Still, he startled and yelled, “why the fuck is your pet staring at us?!”

Sam looked back at what made Bucky exclaim and smiled at Redwing. “Oh, hi, there, little guy,” he cooed, “enjoying the show?”

“Sam,” Bucky hissed, annoyed at his boyfriend’s reaction, glancing back and forth between the drone and Sam, “he is staring at us."

Sam shrugged, wrapping his arms around Bucky's shoulders, "so?"

Bucky spluttered, exasperated, "He is recording us. How can you be so calm about this? What if he puts this on the internet?”

“He won’t put this on the internet,” Sam rolled his eyes.

“Why not?” Bucky challenged, knowing the real reason. Sam was still insisting it was Redwing who put the footage of him falling through the tree on the internet, and he was determined to make him confess it was his doing (that video got 1000000 likes!).

“Well, first of all,” Sam explained, straightening up, smug grin on, “because no one wants to see you kissing.”

“You want to see me kissing,” Bucky countered.

“My one flaw,” Sam teased, “and two, his camera isn’t on. He just likes flying around sometimes.”

Bucky glanced at the drone, whose cold, robot eyes, peeking just beneath the shell on the drone, stared back at him. “Can’t you make him stop?”

“I wasn’t listening when Stark did the seminar about the AI inside him. Lost the manual too.”

Bucky looked at the drone again, and then quickly turned away while he muttered, “there must be a deactivation code.”

“I sorta don’t want to find it,” Sam confessed, “I like his quirks.”

“But he isn’t supposed to be flying around with his camera off. It isn’t what he was made for.”

“He’s sleepwalking,” Sam said, fondly.

“He’s creepy.”

Sam gasped, “how dare you say that?!”

“Robots shouldn’t sleepwalk!”

“Redwing isn’t a robot! He’s a drone!”

“Same difference!”

“It is so not same difference. Besides, Redwing is better than just a normal robot, he is-”

He and Sam bickered for the rest of the evening and Bucky forgot all about the drone when they moved into the bedroom. But it began like this.

~~~

Bucky woke up to get milk the next morning. Sam usually got up earlier than Bucky, waking to go run. He would accidentally wake Bucky up by kissing his cheek before he went out (running reminded Sam of Steve and sometimes he needed a little reassurance), and then Bucky would burrow into the blankets for half an hour before getting up to eat cereal. Bucky liked the early hours of the day when he had the house to himself and could wake up properly before Sam would get home. Before they moved in together, Bucky had made the mistake of getting up after Sam had already returned from his run, and he didn’t have the brainpower to retort when Sam called him a heathen for pouring his milk before his cereal.

When he got up this morning, the drone was there, staring at him.

Bucky was mid-yawn when he yelped at the flying thing in front of his face.

“Holy fucking shit, man, you nearly gave me a heart attack!” he exclaimed at the drone, clutching at his chest.

“That’s not good,” the imaginary Sam in his head said, looking, amused, at Bucky’s clutching-his-pearls position, “you need to watch your heart at your age.”

The drone didn’t say anything. Bucky rolled his eyes. “What are you looking at?” he challenged.

The drone still didn’t say anything.

Bucky moved cautiously, one leg in front of the other while he watched the drone, “I’m just getting breakfast.”

The drone turned his head towards him with his every moment. The whirring, easier to hear in the quiet morning, gave Bucky chills.

He glanced once at the drone and then once at the refrigerator before deciding to ignore the robot. Even if it was creepy that his camera wasn't on but he could still follow him, what would he do? Shoot him? Sam disarmed the drone every time he was off duty. So Bucky opened the fridge and got out his milk, blocking the drone from his view with the door.

Sam hated it when he did it, but he unscrewed the milk and drank some of it (”we exchange spit regularly, I don’t see the big deal.” “You put it so romantically~”). Cold milk always helped Bucky wake up and he “ahh”ed when he stopped feeling the thirst he always felt when he was just waking up.

He shut the door of the refrigerator, and apparently, Redwing has gotten twenty steps closer.

He screamed at the drone near his face and threw the cap at him.

~~~

Turns out, Redwing’s camera was on and Sam laughed for 20 minutes at the footage.

~~~

The next time it happened, Bucky was coming home from one of his therapy appointments. The BARF sessions were always a pain in the ass (reliving his past wasn’t remotely fun) but Bucky knew he sometimes had to go to them to make sure he wouldn’t go all Winter Soldier again. Anything to keep Sam safe.

Bucky liked to come home and cuddle with his boyfriend (who usually also had an exhausting day of being Captain America) when he got home, but today was different.

A purring Redwing was found in Sam’s lap when he went into the living room.

“Hey!” Sam greeted, seeing unable to give him a welcoming kiss due to the robot in his lap, “how did it go?”

“The usual,” Bucky replied casually. He eyed the drone, “does he usually... do that?”

“Yeah,” Sam nodded, “he noticed I was bummed so he came to cheer me up. Isn’t that right, Red?”

Sam pet Redwing’s red-paint-coated shell and the robot buzzed happily.

“Weird...” Bucky mumbled under his breath and then flopped next to Sam, “why were you bummed?”

“I fucking hate the UN,” Sam announced, “excuse me for not wanting to end up at jail for accidentally scratching some rich dude’s car.”

Bucky kissed Sam’s cheek, “I’m sorry you had a bad day.”

“’ Is okay. We’ll settle it all eventually. Just wish that I didn’t have to do it.”

“No, you don’t,” Bucky pointed out, knowing how much his boyfriend loved being Captain America.

Sam smiled shyly, that smile of his that made Bucky fall head over heels for him, “no, I don’t.”

Bucky kissed Sam’s neck. Sam’s smiles would always get him soft, which meant he had to kiss every inch of him. Sam giggled at Bucky rolling the skin between his lips and he brought a hand to the back of Bucky’s head to caress his nape. Bucky kissed further down his neck, reaching Sam’s collarbone and-

Sam gently pushed him away. Redwing was buzzing irregularly in his lap.

“Hey, there, little fella, don’t be mad,” Sam tried to appease him by stroking him, “Bucky just distracted me for a moment.”

Bucky huffed, disappointed at the interruption. “Not fair,” Bucky grumbled, “I had Sam cuddling dibs.”

“Awww,” Sam teased, his trademark smug grin on his face, “are you jealous?”

Bucky huffed and pushed his shoulder, “no, I’m not jealous. I love you and your weird robot.”

Sam laughed and didn’t retort, resting his head on Bucky’s shoulder as they turned on the TV.

~~~

Bucky did get a little jealous when Sam had to sleep on the couch because he didn't want to disturb Redwing ‘napping’ on his lap. He was still jealous, despite how adorable Sam looked with the blanket around his shoulders and drooling on the backrest of the couch.

~~~

Bucky could have handled hogging Sam or Redwing hovering or wondering if the drone was recording while he and Sam were just being domestic, but he drew the line at forcing him to stay in his apartment.

“Okay, freak,” Bucky announced to the drone, “I’m going shopping. Do you need anything?”

The drone didn’t respond. Bucky pulled the jacket on and stuffed his keys in one of the pockets. The drone followed his movements as he got ready to go outside. “I’m going out now,” Bucky informed him before he turned around to leave the apartment.

The drone was staring right back at his face as he moved towards the door. Bucky didn’t jump this time, long used to how Redwing could sneak up on people. “God, how do you do that? Did Stark figure out teleportation or something?”

The drone flew mute, as always. Bucky sighed and went to open the door but Redwing blocked his hand before he could reach the knob. “Ow! Son of a bitch!” he cursed as his hand crushed against the drone, “what, what’s the matter? I can’t leave my home now?”

The drone didn’t respond.

“You know, most pets beg for their owners to take them outside.”

The drone still didn’t respond.

Bucky sighed, and reached for the door, more gently this time, and managed to successfully open the door.

Bucky cheered triumphantly, “not so tough now, huh?”

The drone didn’t show any sign that he understood but when Bucky tried to exit he blocked his way.

“Seriously?” Bucky huffed. He moved an inch to the left quickly and the drone zoomed towards him. “Seriously?” he complained and tried to move another inch, slower this time. The drone followed his painstakingly slow movements, centimeter for centimeter. “You motherfucker.”

He tried to get through the door from the left side and the right side, but wherever he went, Redwing followed him. “I’m going to walk out of this door like a normal person,” he told Redwing, “I’m not going to limbo under you, or jump over you, or fight you or anything like that, so. Get. Out. Of. My. Way.”

Three minutes later, Bucky found himself on his knees, face to face with the drone, “you know, if Sam didn’t like you so much, I would dismantle you piece by piece.”

~~~

Sam paused at the open doorway, looking at his boyfriend and his drone staring at one another.

“Are you having a staring contest?” Sam quipped, “because that’s our thing.”

“It won’t let me leave,” Bucky complained.

Sam raised an eyebrow, walking through the front door, “it? You used to call him him.” Redwing followed him, softly nudging Sam’s head and asking to be pet.

Bucky threw his hands in the air in frustration, “him is for things who aren’t menaces!”

“That’s not my experience,” Sam joked, petting Redwing as it asked.

Bucky glared at him, “that’s not funny. That drone is the executor of Tony Stark’s will and it is trying to kill me!”

Sam laughed, “don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic?”

“Two days ago, I swear I saw it give me a withering stare while it was on your chest.”

“He’s a drone, Bucky,” Sam emphasized, “they don’t have expressions.”

“Doesn’t stop him from doing all the other human stuff!”

“Bucky,” Sam shook his head, “Redwing likes you.”

Bucky scoffed, “if Redwing was armed, it'd kill me in my sleep.”

“No, he wouldn’t.”

“When’s our next battle? I bet it'll finish the job then!”

“If only I had a schedule of that...”

“That thing drives me crazy!”

“Bucky!” Sam exclaimed, “all those things Redwing does, he does because he likes you.”

Bucky blinked.

“Think about it,” Sam began explaining, “for weeks after you moved in, he hasn’t moved from his spot, but now he has suddenly decided to move?”

“It has decided it can no longer be passive about me anymore?” Bucky suggested.

“Or-” Sam suggested his interpretation, “-he decided he can trust you and he wants to get to know you.”

Bucky peaked at Redwing behind him, “seems unlikely.”

Sam raised his hands, “don’t ask me to explain his bad taste.”

Bucky looked at the drone, “it likes me.”

Sam nodded, “and unfortunately, so do I.”

"It has a weird way of showing it," Bucky pointed out.

Sam grinned, "well, so do you."

~~~

“What do I do?” Bucky whispered to Sam, panicked.

Sam shook his head. "Pet him, you moron," he told him fondly.

The drone has decided to land in his lap. Changing Redwing’s batteries was like feeding a dog, and now Redwing has decided that Bucky deserved affections. Bucky carefully put his hand on top of the drone’s surprisingly warm metal and started rubbing his hand on the shell.

“There you go,” Sam congratulated him and put his head on Bucky’s shoulder, his hand on the drone, joining the petting. He turned on the TV, “what do you want to watch tonight?”

Bucky looked at Sam, at how calm and happy he looked because of Bucky and Redwing getting along. He looked down at the drone steadily purring louder in his lap.

“Yeah,” he thought, “this is a happy ending.”

#sambucky #winterfalcon #sam wilson #Bucky Barnes #redwing #winterfalcon fic #sambucky fic #winter falcon #falcon #winter soilder #captain america #druwrites #bucky barnes x sam wilson #sam wilson x bucky barnes #marvel #MCU #fatws #falcon and the winter solider #userpavi

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rantingwriter · 3 years

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Accidentally in Love (Hawks x Civilian Reader) pt. 2

Trigger Warning: Strong language, long hospital stay, lots of anger, depression, and more angst than last time. I swear there will be fluff later...starting in pt. 4.

“Damn it,” you grumble as you try to support your weight with the parallel bars.

“You are doing great, [y/n], just a little bit more.” Mayu, one of the physical therapists helping you with your recovery does her best to encourage you.

The door slams open and you lose your concentration, collapsing to the floor. “Fuck!”

Mayu cringes at the angered tone, “Ryo!!”

The man who barged into the room bows apologetically, “I’m so sorry, I was running late,” he hurries off to the changing room for the employees.

You feel your frustration boiling over, “this is pointless!”

Mayu turns her attention back to you and her features soften, “Please don’t say that, you’ve only been at this for a week and you are making good progress.” Her positivity only serves to frustrate you more.

“What progress?! I can’t even stand for longer than a couple minutes at a time!”

“I understand your frustration-”

“How could you possibly understand this?!” You gesture wildly at your legs. “You can stand and walk and you still have both of your feet!” Your chest rises and falls rapidly as you glare at the therapist.

She simply sits on the floor with you and gives you a very soft smile. “You are right, I will never understand fully what you are going through. So, tell me, what is causing the most frustration and I can do what I can to help.”

“All of it!” You raise your arms up like you are surrendering. “Trying to stand on these limp noodles, trying to get out of my stupid wheel chair, even getting out of bed…” Your anger quickly morphs to sadness, “it’s just too hard…” Mayu gently pats your shoulder.

“It’s a process,” She shifts to sit next to you. “Healing can be a very long and difficult process, especially when you lose an ability you’ve been able to do so easily until now.” You feel a lump form in your throat, trying really hard not to cry...again. “I’m not going to lie and say this is easy, but I know you can do this.”

You wipe your eyes and sniffle, “I’m sorry for yelling…”

“It’s alright, I understand you are frustrated, but I am here to help.” The employee door opens again. “So is Ryo when he actually shows up on time.” The teasing tone and Ryo’s exaggerated response brings out a soft ghost of a laugh. “Are you ready to give it another try?”

“Yeah, I guess,” she helps to get you off the floor and on your shaky feet. You grab the parallel bars and repeat the exercise you’ve been doing all morning. A light tap on the window near your station alerts both yourself and your physical therapist to a note on the glass. “What does it say?” You feel your arms give out, but you are able to land in your wheelchair this time.

“Let’s see,” The older woman walks up to read it aloud, “when you are free, please come to the roof. HaWkS!?” Her voice cracks at the name, “who, wait, who is he talking about?!”

You hold your hand up, “probably me, he said he was going to pop by once I was awake.” You were starting to think he forgot about you.

“Oh my goodness!” Mayu covers her mouth and looks at you, “are you two friends? Are you dating?!” She gets closer with each question, her eyes shiny diamonds that scream ‘tell me everything!’

“He kind of gave me a concussion,” you watch her expression drop into one of horror. “Not on purpose, it was during that big fight that landed me here.”

“I see, well, we are actually done for today if you want to head on up.” She goes to grab her clipboard and record the progress from today.

“Does the elevator even reach the roof?” You can feel a knot form in your stomach, why are you so nervous?

“Yes, the recreational therapy team has a community garden up there for the patients. I can get you some information if you would like to join them for a session.” You never heard of such a thing, it does strike a cord of curiosity, but that is for another time.

“Sure, just send some to my room when you have the time,” you wheel your way to the exit. “Oh, and uh...thanks for the pep talk.” You rub the back of your neck to hide your embarrassment.

“No problem, if you need anything just let me know.” Mayu smiles and waves as you leave to go up to the roof. Sure enough, the elevator opens right in front of the door. You push the button to get the door open and find rows of box gardens, some raised, some lowered.

“Wow, this is neat,” you take a closer look at some of the plants bearing fruit, when you spot your mystery visitor. Your eyes are instantly drawn to the huge red wings on his back. The same ones you saw before you went into your coma. You clench the wheels of your chair and swallow your nerves. “Um…” He appears distracted by something, as he scans the city streets below, his feet hovering off the ground. “Hello? Are you Hawks?” He looks over his shoulder and his features light up with recognition.

“Hey! Glad to see you up and about!” He lands and folds his wings in a bit before approaching you.

“Yeah, mostly…” You weren’t entirely sure what to say to him.

He doesn’t seem too sure either as he pockets his gloved hands. “Uh, what’s your name?”

“[Y/n].” More silence follows, wow the awkward tension is a little too palpable. “Why exactly are you here?”

He looks taken aback, his wings puffing up a small bit, “I just wanted to see how you were doing.”

“Well, as you can see, I’m doing just great.” You can’t help the sarcasm as you move your wheelchair.

His features fall, his eyes aimed towards what’s left of your feet. “I’m so sorry, I made a bad judgment call and you got hurt because of it. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

“Unless you have some means to turn back time, there isn’t much you can do.”

“There has to be something,” he lifts his gaze back up to plead with you. “I’ll do anything, just say the word.”

You can’t tell if he is being genuine or not, before you can open your mouth a glint of something from the nearby building catches your attention. You wheel closer to the fence that lines the top of the building and spot a man with a camera aimed at the two of you. You whip your head around to face him, “is this some kind of joke to you?!”

“What?” His golden-brown hues are full of confusion as you struggle to turn your wheelchair around.

“Look, if you just came to Peacock for the camera’s or throw some kind of a pity party for yourself. I don’t want any part of it!” He looks between you and the nearby building, his feathers get ruffled at the sight of the camera.

“No, wait, this isn’t what it looks like!” He holds a hand out to try and stop you from leaving.

“Thanks for checking in, you can leave now.” You try to wheel your way back inside, but something is caught in one of your wheels.

“I swear I’m not with that guy, he must have noticed me fly up here after I left my note.”

You aren’t paying any attention to him, you are too focused on getting away. “Stupid thing,” you try to muscle through the clog, but you end up tipping the whole thing over and landing on the hard surface of the roof. “Son of a bitch!” You slam a closed fist on the ground as you push yourself up. Tears of frustration and pain leak from your [e/c] pools. You feel a gloved hand on your shoulder but you quickly shove it away. “Don’t touch me!”

“Please just let me help you,” he tries to reach for you again, but you stop him in his tracks.

“I’ve had enough of your help! Your ‘help’ is the reason I’m here!!” Your voice echoes around you, you wouldn’t be surprised if the camera man heard you.

You can see the hurt in the hero's eyes as he backs away, his wings drooping as your words settle somewhere deep within himself.

“Just go away…” you get your wheelchair back up and haul yourself into it again. You can hear the sound of his wings as he takes off, the force of the air blows your hair all over the place. You cover your face as you allow the tears to flow freely. If you were completely honest with yourself, you didn’t truly blame him. It was just easier than accepting your rotten luck. A couple of nurses hurry onto the roof and rush over to you. Apparently someone on the street heard you and told the staff in the lobby. You are immediately wheeled back to your room to rest and have your vitals checked. Your body is exhausted and so was the rest of you. You look out your window at the clouds rolling in, “nurse?”

“Yes?” The kind man responds as he gets your table ready for dinner.

“Would it be possible to send a letter to a hero agency?”

He hums in thought for a moment, “I believe so, why?”

“I...was just curious…” The nurse drops the topic and leaves you to your thoughts. “Doubt it would make a difference anyways.” You roll onto your side as your eyelids drooped, the sound of rain lulling you to sleep. Your dinner is left for you on the little table, along with a can of coffee with another note. ‘I still owe you a coffee, good luck with your recovery. -Hawks.’

#reader insert #hawks x reader #keigo x reader #keigo takami #pro hero hawks #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #angst #I swear there will be fluff #...in part 4 #long shot #tw: hospital #tw: depression #tw: anger #part 2 of 6

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descendantofthesparrow · 3 years

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Shuffle Playlist - Rewrite - Part of Your World - Harry Hook x Reader - Part 14 - Discoveries

Evie hung one of the last dresses on the transportation rack, when a knock sounded on her door. She pushed the dresses apart for her to step on the other side and called out; “come in!” Doug entered moments later, a smile on his face.

“Hey! How was the camping trip?” Evie turned to him with furrowed brows.

“C-Camping?” Doug's smile diminished and he looked at her slightly confused.

“yeah?” He tilted his head at Evie “Carlos and Jay said you and the others went on a last-minute camping trip to relax?...is-is that not what you did?” Evie sighed, the questions running through her mind stopping as she realized what had happened.

“oh, um, yeah they lied to you” Doug looked a bit offended “you see, Ben was kidnapped on the isle” now he looked alarmed “let me finish, we saved him and saved Auradon” Doug let out a small sigh of relief and took Evie's hands.

“is everyone okay?” Evie looked off to the side for a moment “you hesitated what happened” She grimaced and shook her head a bit.

“um, well…you know how our parents are kinda pieces of shit?” Doug looked surprised at the swear but nodded “well… Harry's dad is…kinda really bad and…that didn’t turn out well on Harry's side…that’s all I’m saying” she gave a small smile and turned, grabbing some of Dizzy’s accessories that she had brought back with her and sliding some on her arm to carry easier.

“Is he okay now?” Doug asked quietly, stepping to her side and leaning into her field of vision.

“yes” Evie assured him “Mal healed him when we left the isle and he’s with (y/n) now, he should be just fine for cotillion tomorrow~” Doug nodded and gave Evie a small smile.

“that’s good, you had me really worried for a moment there, was anyone else hurt?” Evie thought for a moment then shook her head.

“Mal has a cut on her cheek but that was the worst of our end thankfully.” She gave another smile and looked back down at the accessories “you know…while I was there…I realized something” Doug put his hand on her shoulder “I was lucky enough to be given a chance, and now I need to give someone else a chance too” her mind flashed back to five months ago when Harry had asked Ben to bring Uma over, and maybe after cotillion she could ask about Dizzy?

“My uncle bashful used the say that” Doug switched the topic, sensing Evie was not in the mood to talk about what had happened on the isle with him. Evie smiled, happy with the sudden change and turned to him, her brow raised a bit.

“did he?” Doug nodded, then pursed his lips a bit.

“but, really-really quietly” Evie laughed, spinning around to face the transportation rack and gesturing to it.

“come on, we have dresses to deliver~!” Doug happily obliged to her non-verbal request and moved to the rack, pushing it as Evie pulled it out of the room.

Two hours later, after every dress had been delivered, Evie returned to her room and grabbed her last two outfits she had to deliver.

A red rose gown and a red and black suit.

She handed the outfits to Doug and dug into her bag again, finding the red ruby earrings with small crossbones skulls hanging from the top. “perfect” she muttered, carefully holding them in her hand and leading Doug to (y/n)s room.

She knocked on the door, humming as a couple of moments passed by and no response came. She knocked again and sighed when again no response came, she gently opened the door and cooed as she looked inside the room.

On (y/n)s bed was her and Harry, curled up together under her many blankets as soft yellow fairy lights hung above them, the title screen of a movie playing on her tv.

Evie snuck into the room, gesturing Doug to be quiet as she set (y/n)s new earrings on her desk and motioned for Doug to hang hers and Harry's outfits on her closet door.

Evie spotted (y/n)s notepad on her desk and wrote out a small thank you note, pinning it to her corkboard that hung just next to her desk.

She ushered Doug out and turned, smiling at the sleeping couple, and slowly closed the door behind her, shushing it as it shut with a loud click.

“There we go” Evie sighed, turning to Doug and wrapping her arm around his “I’m starving, how about you?”

“Food sounds good” he chuckled, guiding Evie to the cafeteria.

Carlos watched from afar as Mal swung her feet just of the gazebo floor, her toes just grazing the cool lake water. He froze as she turned to look at him, her emerald green eyes softening and she invited him closer, turning back to the water as he did so and sat down beside her.

Mal laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, while she and Carlos hadn’t been friends before Auradon, she was glad that she had him by her side now.

“so…you broke up with Ben?” Carlos started, giving Mal a soft smile as she looked up at him. She slowly looked back down at the water as she thought of what to say.

“I…yeah” she sighed, letting her weight fully lean onto Carlos, who lifted his arm and wrapped it around her shoulder. “I’m just…not ready for the relationship he wants…I know I hide my feelings and shit but…I really don’t know how he expected me to just, be good with all of this Auradon lady stuff within six months…I feel like a failure” Carlos let out a low hum, squeezing Mal's shoulder.

“well, you aren’t, you did your best, and your best was good enough, you just found out that that life…isn’t going to work out for you, it goes against your mental wiring, yes maybe you could adjust to it but would you be happy with it?” Mal pursed her lips, Carlos shook her a bit “well?”

“no” Mal muttered, picking at the loose thread on her pants “no I wouldn’t be happy like that…Ben…he said he wanted me…the real me, the isle me-wait…no he wouldn’t want her, she's rude as fuck” Mal smiled at the snort that erupted from Carlos, before it slipped off as she remembered something. Mal stopped Carlos as he was about to speak again “Hey…I did this for Evie but…I wanted to do the same for you” He looked at her confused “I’m sorry for the way I treated you when we were on the isle” he looked off to the side for a moment before he realized what she meant.

“oh! Yeah, it's no biggie” he attempted to brush it off but Mal adamantly shook her head.

“No! it's not “no biggie!” I treated you, Evie, and sometimes Jay, horribly! Even after we became friends! You were and are deserving of kindness, and I’m sorry that I was so fucked up that I was the rottenest little brat to you” Carlos stared at her with wide eyes. “what?”

His shocked look melted into a comforting grin “Thank you Mal” he wrapped his arms around her, pulling into a tight hug that only lasted a moment “sorry, just remembered; you’re not really affectionate” he laughed, grinning wider as Mal giggled along.

“it’s-its fine when it comes from you three” Mal hummed, turning to look back at the lake.

“sooo back to the Ben break up talk?” Carlos tried, smirking as Mal blew a raspberry “come on, you need to talk it out with someone, or else you’re gonna explode keeping it all bottled up.”

“…I’m happy I broke up with him” Mal spilled, not looking at Carlos as his brows shot up “I thought about our future and I realized if I kept doing what I was doing, and we kept going with how we were…neither of us would have been happy…I need to learn to love myself before I can love him properly, because…if (y/n)s forced quote an’ unquote therapy sessions” Carlos laughed at that “taught me anything. It’s that…I rely on someone else's love to measure my self-worth”

Carlos hummed, squeezing Mal's shoulder again “that’s not a good thing”

“no!” Mal huffed, running her hands through her hair and pulling at the roots “it isn’t! I've been trying to earn my mother's love for 16 years, then I just hop to doing so much bullshit to make sure Ben will love me! I dyed my hair blonde, I dressed in those itchy dresses, I dropped my entire personality for all that! And-and it wasn’t good, I felt like I was slipping away Carlos” Mal sobbed, tears trailing down her cheeks as she finally broke “I don’t even remember what I’m supposed to act like without all that because I spent so long doing it I just-I forgot what being ME felt like” Carlos fully wrapped his arms around Mal and pulled her tight to his side. “I-I know it sounds like I’m being pathetic and having a fucking pity party but I’m just so fucking scared Carlos” Mal whimpered, throwing her arms around Carlos’ torso and pushing her cheek against his shoulder “on the isle my life was commanded by my mother and my identity was pleasing her, and here my life has been being Ben’s girlfriend and pleasing the people of Auradon so they think I’m not some villain whose just after Ben because he’s king…I-I do really like Ben Carlos”

Mal sniffed, pulling back one of her arms and wipe her nose “I do, it's just that…being with him hasn’t helped me move on from my mother bullshit and im-gah!” Mal let out a yell, pulling back from Carlos and burying her face in her hands “I’m having a fucking identity crisis because of my fucking mother! Why can’t she just leave me alone! Why can't all this dumb shit be left behind five months ago! Why do I still have to deal with it?!” Carlos let Mal rant, rubbing her back as she broke down.

“because life is unfair that way” Carlos sighed “Mal I know exactly what you're dealing with right now” Mal peeked out from her fingers, her eyes shining “I still have nightmares from living in my mother’s closet, getting trapped in the bear traps on the ground, or when she would burn me with her cigarette…even ones were she sends dogs at me to kill me…I still hear her voice in my head, telling me I’m worthless, that I’ll never be better than dog chow, my only use was being her servant” Carlos swallowed down the lump in his throat “but I know she's wrong, I’m not anything she says. I’m a tech genius, I've made several computers on the isle just from scraps, I've enhanced my 3D printer to be the best in Auradon, faster than any other and the quality is still top-notch, I've made a tiny little device that was able to make a hole in the barrier, I've gotten offers to work for Tony fucking Stark!” Mal gasped, reaching forward to grab Carlos' shoulders in excitement.

“holy shit what!? When? How? Why?!” Carlos smiled, prying off her grip.

“I knew you all were distracted by something else, especially you, so I didn’t want to make you stressed by my stuff either, it was two months ago. I didn’t take the offer because I want to finish school, but the offer still stands when I graduate in two years” Mal grinned, but it turned to a pout as Carlos gave her a look “Now back to the original topic, I’m not letting you deviate from it, you need to let it all out”

Mal stared at him for a moment before shrugging “I…feel like I already did…Auradon is stressful, my mother is the base of all my mental shit, and I’m not ready to be in a relationship with the dude I love because until I can love myself and learn not to rely on others value of me as my own value I can't be with him in a way that won't hurt him” Carlos slowly grinned “what?” “you said you love Ben~” he teased, laughing as Mal turned red and smacked him.

“I did not!!” she screeched, yelping as Carlos half tackled her and pulled her into an arm lock “Let me go you heathen!”

“you love Ben~ you love Ben~” Carlos sang, laughing as she tried to smack at his face “Come on, pixie! Let's get you back to the dorms, I think you need a nap”

“Don’t call me pixie!”

“How bout gremlin?”

“Carlos!!”

Chad carefully pulled the 3D printed copy of the king's crown from the printer and pressed a kiss to the emblem on the front. “Finally,~” He walked over to the mirror that was installed in Jay's standing dresser and carefully perched the crown on his head, smiling as his full cotillion outfit came to light.

He looked like a king~

He tilted the crown down a bit and laughed, posing in the mirror “oh what's that? Why no Audrey, I haven’t chosen my queen yet~” He purred to the fake Audrey in his mind. He turned and started to walk away before spinning back around to pose again “why no Audrey-”

Suddenly his phone rang, and he turned, raising his brow as he walked over to his phone “who could be calling me?”

Caller ID - Audrey <3

Chad let out a high-pitched scream of excitement, dropping his phone to the floor as he gripped his head “ahhAH! Audrey!!!”

“chad!” Carlos groaned, glaring as the other dived to the floor for his phone, and shushed him “Chad! This is my room chad!”

Chad shushed him again, making Carlos roll his eyes. Chad hit the answer button on his phone “Audrey?”

“Hey Chad um, I’m kind of stuck in Sherwood forest, my tire went flat. Could, could you come help me?”

“yeah of course!” Chad covered the mic and turned back to Carlos “she got a flat tire in Sherwood forest and she wants me to come fix it~” Carlos squinted a bit and looked at Chad with an odd look.

“that’s six hours away”

Chad looked at him as if what he said wasn’t a long road trip. “Really? Only six?” he turned back to his phone and put it back to his ear “I’m gonna be there faster than I thought”

“Thanks Chad, I was going to come to cotilli-“ he pulled the phone away and pressed a kiss to the screen, hanging up on Audrey and starting to walk out the door when Carlos stopped him.

“Ah-My printer my crown” Carlos took the crown off Chad's head, who chuckled and gestured back from the printer to the crown before shrugging it off.

“I’m coming Audrey!” he ran down the halls towards his car, leaving a bewildered Carlos in his dorm.

“wow,” Carlos snorted, shaking his head and walking into the room, tossing the crown on Jay's bed. Carlos flopped down on his bed, Dude hopping up next to him moments later “these last two days have been crazy huh?”

“You can say that again” Dude snorted, halfway crawling on Carlos' chest and laying his head down “Nap time?”

“Nap time” Carlos chuckled, pulling his pillow over his face to block out the afternoon sun and sighed.

-end of part 14-

yep, part 14, we’re almost to Cotillion guys! also yep, Doug does not accuse Evie of cheating on him even though he had no reason to do so in the movie and he shows concern over Evie and her friends safety when she tells him about the isle~ what?? no~ this isn't a dig at Doug's awful D2 writing!! how could you accuse me of such a thing~! (Doug had alot of potential but like Mal it got ruined in the second movie and he was pushed as a full on background character in the third) also MORE CARLOS CONTENT~ yes he is smart boi and deserves that recognition and yes, the avengers exist in this universe. hopefully that Mal talk didnt sound like a pity party.

anyway PERMTAGLLIST

@queer-cosette @sephiralorange

@lunanight2012 @daughter-of-the-stars11

@musicarose @random-thoughts-003

@remembered-license @rintheemolion

@thecaptainsgingersnap @descendantsobsessed

@verboetoperee @imtryingthisout

taglist

@thesailbells @beccad10x

#disney descendants #harry hook #harry hook x reader #Descendents #descendants #harry hook descendants #harry hook imagine #anti mal #just in case #anti doug #just in case 2 #rewrite #part of your world #shuffle playlist

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surrerafics · 3 years

Text

The narrative….

Andy and Robert constantly argue about unresolved issues within their marriage because they don’t practice communication. Their pride and egos get in the way of that. They’re both stubborn, hardworking and strong-minded first responders. They often replace communication for sex for the tension rising in their marriage which has made matters worse. Andy has a lot of decisions to make concerning her marriage and a new unexpected surprise that has popped up to make matters even more complicated than they already were. Now that Andy is furious with her husband about causing Maya to lose her job she’s not so sure she really knows her husband at all. Decisions! Decisions!

ROBERT AND ANDY AT HOME IN BED -DAY

Andy- okayyy it’s not Carinas French toast but it’s the only thing I know how to make for breakfast.

Robert- It looks amazingggg. (Kissing Andy) then pulls her in for more.

Andy- Maya asked me to step in for her for the week.

Robert- step in?

Andy- As acting captain.

Robert- Doesn’t the department usually send a sub for bereavement leave?

Andy- well, due to COVID and stuff they said that one of the lieutenants could do it so she asked me!

(Robert becomes silent) and you’ve gone all quiet.

Robert- No, no, no(kisses Andy) it’s good. I’m happy for you!

Andy- yeah?!

Robert- Yes! You were made for this!

Andy- plus, it couldn’t hurt to be sleeping with the boss right?!

Robert-No special treatment just like when I was your captain.

Andy- well maybe a little special treatment! (Puts hand under the covers playing with his….em hem!)

(Andy’s POV)

Station 19- Night

Locker Room

Robert comes in while Andy is changing

Robert- Andy I have more experience than you. Decades more. It’s just.. Andy interrupts Robert.

Andy- Are you trying to help yourself here?

Robert- Can I finish? I have years under my belt. Okay. And I’m not using them on the job so I guess I thought I could use them to help you. Help you didn’t ask for I get it. *sighing* come on. I just need you to understand where I’m coming from.

Andy- look, I get that you hate being a probie. I hate you being a probie.

Robert- hey, hey. We found a common ground. Let’s just end this another way.

Andy- No, Robert we need to talk about this.

Robert: You’re only Captain for another shift and then Bishop comes back. Then this won’t be a problem anymore.

Andy: yeah, except I’ll still be your lieutenant and hopefully soon, one day after that a captain for real.

Robert: Not hopefully. you will.

Andy: Well, then this is a problem we need to solve.

Robert: well, is it a problem we need to solve tonight?

Andy: I guess not.

Robert gets up to finish taking out the trash and leaves the locker room as Andy looks complexed.

(Andy and Roberts POV)

The SULLIVAN’s Home - Bedroom- NIGHT

Later that night after work.

Andy tries to make an attempt to have the same conversation about him undermining her authority at work in the locker room.

Andy: Baby, *sighing* why do you have an issue with titles and your wife ranking higher than you?

Robert: babe, I thought we weren’t gonna try and solve this problem tonight?

Andy: I know but…. (Robert interrupts Andy by grabbing her and begins kissing her passionately and deep)

He begins to undress her while still kissing her passionately and seductively. Andy falls weak to her husbands advances and gives in. They move over to their bed and they begin to become intimate throughout the night.

A Few Weeks LATER….

Station 19- Day

Andy is in the beanery scoffing down sugary cereal with her hands when suddenly she was hit with a sudden feeling of nausea and started for the ladies room, while met with Travis on his way to the beanery.

Travis to Andy as they run into each other asks Andy if she’s okay.

Travis- oops! Sorry Herrera. Hey, you feeling okay?

Andy- it’s okay. Uumm, yeah! Just got to run to the ladies locker room for something.

Travis looks confused.

Ben and Robert are in the turnout room having a conversation while organizing gear and equipment.

Robert- You know being demoted was no ones fault but my own, but this is hard being a probie. I feel as though all my hard working years as a firefighter has gone to waste. I feel useless now.

Ben- Ey, look man I know it isn’t easy and hearing that you can work your way up seems like dead hope to you, but you’re not useless and despite what you might be feeling you are a great asset to,19. I mean you did help run it before.

Robert- You know I find myself reminiscing about my days back in Montana and how I miss the weather and my days there as Captain. You know I moved there after my wife Claire died.

Ben- Sounds like you’re missing Montana a lot. You thinking of going back there? Maybe a little getaway for you and the Mrs?

Robert- Nah, man haven’t given it much thought,to return there anytime soon but it has crossed my mind a time or two.

The fire alarm sounds. People stuck inside a burning house. Robert, Ben and the team rush to the location. Upon arriving Captain Bishop orders the team to get in for search and rescue inside the burning house. Everyone has been safely rescued except a neighbor realizes and informs Captain Bishop that a little boy is missing and that he could still be stuck inside. The team finds him with 3rd degree burns inside of a closet. Upon bringing him out the commander in chief orders Captain Bishop to wait for an aid truck to come and transport the little boy to Greys-Sloan Hospital, but Bishop goes against the Chiefs orders and orders her team to put him on the fire truck to the hospital instead. Now, Bishops job could be in jeopardy.

Andy and Sullivan were called into the chief commissioner’s office. After speaking with them he asked Sullivan to stay as Herrera walked out. Herrera stood by the door to listen in on the conversation.

Chief- Sullivan. Hold on a minute.(Herrera walks out)Have a seat. You appointed Bishop? What’s your take?

Sullivan- She’s a good captain sir. I basically raised her up myself.

Chief- But she’s gotten cocky. I’ve been hearing things. Taking her team to protests. Defying cops on the scene.

Sullivan-Well, those things are separate conversations…

Chief- But there both indicative of Bishop acting outside the balance of the Seattle Fire department. Ummm…. Your record…

Robert- yea Sir, I know I made mistakes. But I’m clean , sober, strong

Chief- we can’t afford anymore bad press for our first responders

Robert- No, we can’t. This team stood behind me when my job was on the line. They have my back and I have theirs. I can get this house in order sir. You do not want these fire fighters talking to the press saying that FD values protocol over their kids lives. You need someone who can reunite them and that someone is me. Plus with me you get a Battalion chief for the price of a Captain.

Andy hears what Sullivan says outside the door and walks away enraged.

The SULLIVAN’s home- Day

Maya’s Wedding Day

Andy walks into hers and Roberts bedroom and throws the covers on their bed after sleeping on the couch.

Robert- You really didn’t have to sleep on the couch you know.

Andy-The only reason I slept here and not at Maya’s is because it’s her wedding day and I don’t want her to know what you did. Not today.

Robert- What I did was save your job Andy!

Andy- This is not a discussion! This is not a discussion! Because today I am a maiden of honor and if we have a discussion I will say some things that are very very not maiden like or honorable!

Robert- This is absurd.

Andy- You don’t get to tell me what’s absurd. (Walks away …. Be there by 5!) slams door!

Two weeks later….

Andy is talking to Dean in the locker room area.

Dean- what’s up , kiddo? You okay? You look …

Andy- I know. I don’t look my best these days. I don’t feel like myself. I’m questioning everything including my marriage and if marrying Robert was such a great idea. I mean sure I married the man I love but I also married the man I love for the sake of my Dad having the opportunity to walk his only daughter down the aisle and give her away before his cancer took control which, in turn he didn’t die of but died saving his family. But after what ROBERT did… I’m, I’m just not… I don’t know what I’m trying to say.

(Robert overhears their conversation outside of the lockers.)

Dean-I’m probably not the best person to talk about this too. I’m not an expert or anything but it appears you two have issues communicating. My only advice is maybe seek therapy and talk it out. Maybe alone , then with Sullivan. My advice? Contact Dr. Diane Lewis and schedule a session with her. We all know she’s really good. I wish you both the best.

Andy- Maybe you’re right. I’ll sleep on it.

After Dean leaves and Robert slipped away so that Dean and Andy wouldn’t know what he had just heard between them. Robert looks really down and depressed because he has no one and the entire team, including his wife aren’t really talking to him.

A SUDDEN REVELATION

Suddenly Andy holds her stomach and runs off to the ladies locker room and pukes in the toilet. Afterwards, she brushes her teeth and swishes with mouthwash to get the nasty taste out of her mouth over the sink. Andy looks at herself and whispers under her breath, “Oh, no! I can’t be! Andy suddenly realized with everything that had been going on in her life from her family secrets, the loss of her dad and best friend to the underlying unresolved issues in her marriage that a few times she forgot to take her birth control pills. There have been plenty of times Andy and Robert were intimate without using any form of protection. Andy looks at her phone to check her app that keeps track of her monthly cycles and realized she was already a few weeks late! Andy hurries out to the nearest pharmacy to purchase a pregnancy test and heads back to the station.

POSITIVE RESULTS!

After taking two separate tests Andy discovers her worst fear of being pregnant! She is anything but thrilled about it as she never really saw herself being a mother or a wife of that matter. Also, with her marriage on the rocks she’s just not sure what her next steps are.

Takes phone out to schedule an appointment with Dr. Diane Lewis.

ANDY’S THERAPY SESSION WITH DR. DIANE LEWIS.

Dr Diane’s Lewis’s office- DAY

Dr. Diane- Welcome Andy.

Andy- HI. thank you for clearing your schedule to see me today.

Dr. Diane- Well, you seemed a bit distraught and troubled when I listened back to your voicemail. You seemed desperate. So, what seems to be your problem?

Andy- (blurts out) I’m not so sure marrying my husband was such a great idea!

Dr. Diane.- Why do you say that? It’s okay. You can say it. It’s strictly confidential.

Andy- I won’t go into details. Ever since Robert was demoted he hasn’t been himself. He thinks I’m ashamed of him because he was demoted to a probie. We don’t communicate. We substitute conversation for good sex to ease the tension of our unresolved issues. He did something to cause someone close to me lose her position just so he can climb back up to battalion chief as if that title defines him.. it’s … DR DIANE INTERRUPTS ANDY….

Dr. Diane- for someone who didn’t want to say too much you just said a mouthful.

Andy- maybe you were right. Maybe I’m with my husband cause he’s like a father figure or someone who could fill my fathers shoes as Battalion chief.

Dr. Diane- Do you love him? Are you in love with your husband?

Andy- I do love my husband and in love but as of late I’m questioning everything. All we do is work, argue and have good sex. That’s a recipe for a disastrous marriage. And, and I’m afraid I won’t be a good mom or end up just like my mother who, had postpartum depression, never wanted to be a mother or married. She only wanted to fight fires. (Andy touches her stomach)

Dr Diane- you’re afraid you won’t be a good mom? Are you expecting?

Andy- (hesitantly) yes. I just found out two days ago.

Dr. Diane- And let me guess. You’re not thrilled about it? Have you told your husband?

Andy- Not exactly. I haven’t told him yet. I realized when I found out my mother was alive and learning why she abandoned me and my father I realized I’m just like her. I was once proposed to by jack before meeting Robert and I remember distinctly telling him I didn’t want to be married or have a family. That I didn’t want something separate because the firehouse was my family and fighting fires and making captain was all that mattered to me. It’s like I’m mirroring my mothers life reincarnated. I never wanted any of this. Yet I’m afraid for him because I’m all my husband has.

Dr DIANE- Let me ask you this. Do you want to save your marriage or get out? Is it worth fighting for? How badly do you want this marriage?

Andy- I love my husband. There isn’t a doubt. I only regret how rushed our marriage was as we really didn’t get to do the dating phase to learn how to deal with each other’s past. I honestly wish we could have a do-over but right now I don’t have the energy to even speak with him. I’m pretty stubborn.

Dr. Diane- seems you’re carrying the burdens of your mother and the burdens of your husband. You’re worried about abandoning your baby and becoming like your mother. And you’re afraid of what possibly leaving your marriage behind due to what it may do to him. Andy, that is a quite a heavy load for one person to carry. I think it’s time you had another meeting with your mom and express these concerns to her so that you may get closure and more clarity on what it is you need to do concerning your life’s decisions.

Later as Andy leaves Dr. Diane’s office she heads back to the Station as she recognizes a familiar face…. Her Mother’s Elena. Andy looks taken a back.

Elena- Hello Mi hija .

Andy- What, what are you doing here? It’s really weird as I was thinking of calling you anyway.

Elena- you were? I, I just wanted to see how you were.

Andy- actually, not good. We need to talk. Let’s take a walk.

Scene intercuts to Robert packing a bag and highlights on his phone that he’s just purchased a ticket to Montana.

Andy and her mom Elena are sitting on a park bench discussing some very pressing matters that’s concerning Andy and the decisions she needs to make about her marriage and the growing little being inside of her.

Elena- what’s wrong Andrea?

Andy- I’m pregnant. Just found out a couple of days ago, my marriage is in shambles and my husband doesn’t know I’m pregnant yet.

Elena- you should be estactic!

Andy- yeah but I’m not.

Elena-why, why mija?

Andy- Because I’m just like you!! I never wanted to be married or become a mother! I guess the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree after all!

Elena- Then why did you marry him, Andy? Do you even love him?

Andy- Robert asked me to be his wife because he loves me and is in love with me, but we knew my Dad didn’t have long before his cancer would take its course on him so Robert and I got married really fast so that he could walk me down the aisle as one last memory of me and my Dad giving me away to Robert. And….yes I love him but I’m afraid I’m mirroring your life with my dad, who would suffer from mental illness, postpartum depression and won’t be able to bond with our child and leave them. What if I’m like you in that aspect? What if I inherited those same traits? but lately all we do is argue and have sex. We don’t communicate. We bump heads a lot. And his recent actions have me questioning if we should even remain married.

Elena- Andrea, considering the mistakes I’ve made what I’m about to say may not carry much weight to you but, from what your aunt Theresa has said about your husband he’s a really loving, caring and kind man and that he takes good care of you. If this is true, don’t make a permanent decision on temporary emotions or doubts. I know I don’t deserve to be in your life and I have no one to blame but myself, but you don’t have to be like me. You are not me. You have a loving heart and you need your husband. You need each other. And that baby you two made out of love need their parents just as much. I know I never said I was sorry but I am sorry nena for my selfish acts and leaving my child. You may not believe me but there were times of regret. Think this through. Talk to your husband. You don’t want to realize you made the wrong decisions and carry around regrets. It will haunt you Nena. It’s haunted me.

THE NARRATIVE

Andy thinks long and hard about what her mother shared with her and decides after their talk to pick up her phone and call her husband but he doesn’t answer and it goes straight to voicemail. Andy leaves a voicemail, then texts him so that he could get back to her sooner rather than later. Andy hasn’t been staying at home with Robert due to the marital issues they’ve been dealing with and has been couch hopping at Maya’s and at Deans. Meanwhile, Sullivan is on a plane to Montana to get away and clear his head. He feels alone at Station 19 and after hearing his wife’s thoughts and concerns about if marrying him was a mistake it broke his heart as he is afraid of losing the only good thing he has in his life and that’s his wife Andy. He couldn’t bare the thought of hearing his wife say to him that she wants a divorce. So, he packed up a bag and headed to Montana. Robert has no one in his life, no other family members that he’s close to or aware of. His only family is his wife. It’s two days later and Robert is on a plane and Any realizes her husband hasn’t returned any of her calls or messages and hurries on to the Station to see if he was there or to ask if anyone else has seen him. This was hers and Roberts day off so she couldn’t imagine why he wasn’t answering his phone. Andy runs into Vic and Travis and asks if they had seen her husband or if he had been by the station. They haven’t seen or heard from him. Vic asks Andy if everything is okay because she looked a bit flushed and frantic. Well, it’s been over 12 hours since I last contacted him and he hasn’t replied to any of my messages. Ben walks into the lobby where Andy, Vic and Travis are and asks what’s going on? Vic tells him how Andy is looking for Robert because he isn’t answering any of her messages and it’s been well over twelve hours since she contacted him with no avail. Andy asks Ben if he’s seen or heard from him and if he thought he’d have any idea where he would be or any strange behaviors with him. Ben tells Andy they had a brief conversation a few days ago and he seemed down in the dumps. Says he’s found himself reminiscing of his old life back in Montana back when he was Captain there. I asked him if he thought of taking the Mrs. well, you there for a little getaway and he said he hadn’t given that part much thought. Andy listens and softly says to the team that she had to go home and check into something and to please let her know anything if they hear anything from Robert.

ANDY DRIVES UP TO THEIR HOME.

Andy arrives at their home and quickly runs upstairs to their bedroom seeking Robert but he isn’t there and in their bedroom she finds his drawers open and begin looking though his old things to see if she can find any clues to where he could be. She soon finds old photos of him as a captain in MONTANA and spotted this photo of and a beautiful stow away cabin he would often resort to during get always or vacations Andy decided it was time for her to take a road trip to Montana to find her husband. In the back of her mind she’s thinking he may relapse because of everything that has transpired in their marriage and at work. Andy calls the station to tell them she’s gonna have to take off for a few more days to take care of a pressing matter and to please cover for her two two shifts. Andy packs a bag, hops in her car and heads for Montana. Before driving off, Andy takes the baby sonograms and places them in her cars glove compartment, takes a deep breath and starts for the road. The drive from Seattle to Montana is about a 10-12 hour drive. Andrea has been driving now for the past 5 hours straight. She’s tired and sleepy so she stops at a nice hotel for a nights stay and will pick up tomorrow and finish her trip to Montana. She grabs the sonogram from her gloves company, stares at it and takes it inside with her as she checks in to a room. She calls Robert one last time still with no avail of reaching him. She sent him another text and no reply still. So Andy settles in, takes a shower and climbs into bed with her baby sonogram on the night stand propped up next to her, while placing her hands on her now growing belly. Still in shock and hasn’t processed the reality that’s she’s pregnant. Andy is watching the tv but soon finds the tv is watching her as she soon dozed off.

THE NARRATIVE….

(Andy’s POV)

Andy is back on the road the next day headed for Montana and as she’s driving her mind wonders back to when she found out she was pregnant a few days ago and how Carina did a sonogram on her to see how the baby is and how far along she was. The baby’s heartbeat is fast and healthy. Andy begin to become emotional of the thought that a little being was growing inside of her. She had fears and all kinds of concerns because this pregnancy wasn’t planned and considering she’s never really wanted to become a mother just like her mom. Carina tells Andy she is about 6 in a half weeks along which shocked Andy but quickly explained her increasing appetite the past several weeks. Carina congrats her and Sullivan on their new addition and tells Andy to come back in six weeks for another check up on her and the baby. Andy comes back into her thoughts and stares at the sonogram in her right hand while the other hand is on the steering wheel. Andy has been driving a few hours now and should reach the address of the cabin she suspects her husband is staying at in about another hour and stops for gas and a nearby gas station and grabs a sandwich inside the store and a drink to carry her over till she arrives at the cabin. To keep from falling asleep Andy turns the radio up to keep her alert. Meanwhile, intercut to Robert settling in and laying up in his bed staring at pictures of him and Andy in happier times. He looks so lonely and broken and feels he no longer has anyone. Not even his wife whom he is so in love with. He puts the pictures down and breaks his thoughts of his wife to take a shower. He takes a nice long hot shower to release some stress and just stands under the shower allowing the water to fall off his head down his back. Meanwhile, Andy finally arrives at the cabin and quickly glances at the picture of the cabin she found in her husbands things back home in Seattle. Andy pauses for a moment before getting out of her car to approach the door, meanwhile, Robert is stepping out of the shower, drying off and wrapping his towel around his waist. Robert walks into the bedroom and suddenly hears a knock on the door. He grabs a shirt to throw on and sweats. He has no clue who it could be because no one would know him there except the owner who knew Sullivan back when he worked as captain back in the day in Montana. Robert creeps to the door to see who it is but it’s too dark too tell, so he cautiously opens the door to find a petite, fair-skinned and soft-spoken little lady standing before him, a little lady he calls his wife. It’s Andrea Herrera Sullivan. Robert has the the biggest , most shocking expression on his face to find his wife standing before him. Andy says hi to her husband and asks can she come in and he steps aside to let her in. Robert asks Andy what was she doing there and most importantly how did she find him?

Robert: Babe, what are you doing here? How did you find me?

Andy- That isn’t important right now. We need to talk.

Robert- I can’t live without you and if you came here to tell me you want a divorce I really can’t handle that right now.

Andy- What? A divorce? What makes you say that?

Robert- Andy, I overheard you talking with Dean in the lockers a few days ago. You’re doubting your decision to marry me. I panicked and took off. I have no one else. Everyone hates me and I just feel, that maybe I just don’t belong there anymore. I needed to come back to the one place I use to escape to when I was here and missing Claire —-this cabin.

(Andy grabs Roberts face and kisses him to assure him that everything is gonna be okay.)

Andy- baby, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you when you tried to explain to me about Maya’s position. I soon learned it wasn’t what I thought and that there were other parts of the conversation you had with the chief commissioner I missed because when I heard you offer up to be battalion chief at the expense of Maya being relieved of her duties I instantly assumed the worse and questioned if this marriage was a mistake. I had a therapy session with Dr. Diane Lewis and my mom and they made me realize some things. That I shouldn’t make a permanent decision on temporary emotions or misunderstandings. I had time to think about it and I realized I had a lot of thinking to do and decisions to make and I knew I couldn’t make those decisions without my husband and the father of my child. Robert’s expression upon hearing the news was priceless. He asked, Are you….? Andy replies, yes! Robert is in shock! Are you serious? He asked. I’m gonna be a father?! Andy says yes! How far along are you? I’m about six in a half weeks along. (Shows Robert the sonogram)Robert exclaims, “this explains your sudden increase in appetite and your appetite for more sex! He picks Andy up and swings her around in excitement and they kiss! He asks Andy, “Does this mean we’re not getting a divorce?” Andy replies, “No, but if we want our marriage to strive and survive I suggest we continue having counseling and learning how to communicate and respect each other at home and in the work place and now as parents. I know having tough conversations are hard but we must if we want this marriage to have a fighting chance. Do you agree on this that our marriage does need work and to seek counseling? Robert, I’ll do anything to keep from losing my wife and baby. I’m sorry for undermining your authority. I was just so use to being in charge and lost my confidence after being demoted to probie. Andy replies, I understand that it was hard and I know you’re on your way back up, so hang in there. I love you, babe. Andy responds,” I love you too baby.

Robert- How do you feel about the pregnancy?

Andy- well, I’m nervous and I feel a bit uncertain.

Robert- uncertain? Why?

Andy- because we only briefly spoke about having a family and with everything going on in both our lives where we weren’t able to catch a break the conversation was never continued. Baby, I was afraid of ending up like my mother. I honestly never wanted to become a mother or a wife of that matter just like my mom, I had fears of having mental illnesses like her or not able to bond with our baby and abandoned her or him. But who would’ve thought that the most unlikely person in my mom would be the one person who gave me hope in my marriage?

Robert- God and life has a way surprising us. Robert screams, “I’M GONNA BE A FATHER”!!!!

Andy and Sullivan kiss and put on some music and Salsa dance together! 💃🏻🕺🏾

Days later Robert and Andy return to Seattle to tell the team they are expecting a baby and that Andy is nearly two months pregnant! Instantly, Maya claims godmother and Ben as the baby’s Godfather! Vic, Travis and the team plan for a baby shower. The Sullivan’s tells the gang to chill for a bit as the baby shower is a long ways off, but he understood everyone’s excitement to have another firehouse baby in the station and a playmate for little Pru! With all of the excitement Andy runs to the restrooms to puke! Morning sickness has been rough on her lately. I guess that’s typically how it is during the first trimester. Robert runs behind her to check on her. Oddly enough after Andy puked she asked her husband for pickles and bananas over vanilla ice cream!🤮 Clearly, his wife’s weird ravings are through the roof. The Sullivan’s are tired after a very long road trip back to Seattle and are headed home but before that Robert stops by a supermarket to get his wife all of the foods she was craving and then they headed home. Once they arrived home they went upstairs and Robert ran him and the Mrs. a hot bubble bath to sit and relax. Andy sat in front of him in the tub while Robert rubbed both his hands on his wife’s growing belly. He whispers to Andy, “We made this baby in love from our love” and I already love him or her so much. Robert takes Andy’s hand and kisses it and then kisses her neck. Andy, I know. We made a lot of love. A baby was sure to pop up at some point. Under her breath she whispers,”I love you, baby.”

THE NARRATIVE….

7 in a half months later Andy is at work on desk and phone duty while the team Ben and Carina is out on a call for an elderly woman whose blood sugar dropped and fainted as her eldest daughter found her lying on the floor unconscious when she called for aid-car and Robert, Dean, Vic and Travis are on the other side of town putting out a building fire for a local business. Intercut back to Andy at the Station 19 was answering a,phone call at the front desk when she said, “uh-oh! The person on the other line was calling for her to answer, but couldn’t because her water broke! Another worker behind her took the phone and hung it up and Called for the aid car to transport Andy to Grey-Sloan Hospital. On the radio they alerted the team that Andy went into labor and her Husband Robert heard it, panicked and rushed to Grey-Sloan Hospital to be with his wife! Luckily, the team was already on they’re way back after completing their duties. With Carina being Andy’s physician and gynecologist she rushed to the hospital as quickly as she could! Robert arrives in a panic asking what room his wife was in and rushed to be with her! He was the only one that could be in the room with her during labor. He rushed by her side as he entered into the room and said, “Baby, “I’m here”! Are you okay?! How far apart are the contractions?! Right now every 5to 6 mins. I had just had one before you burst in the room! Robert took his wife’s hand and kissed her lips and her forehead. Carina comes into the room ready to check Andy to see how many centimeters she is. Carina checks Andy and she is about 6 centimeters so not too long before baby is born! As Andy attempts to say something a contraction hits and Robert tells her to breath it out slowly. Carina says I’ll be back to check you in an hour and that in the meantime she should try to rest during that time. Robert ask Andy if there was anything she needed and she asked for a cup of ice chips because her mouth was dry. Andy was a soldier and didn’t want an epidural but wanted to give birth naturally. So, Robert went and got her a cup of ice chips. Meanwhile, the station 19 crew were all out in the lobby awaiting to hear the birth of Robert and Andy’s baby and what they’re having because they agreed early in the pregnancy that they didn’t want to know the gender and to be surprised. At their baby shower the crew threw for Andy they all bought baby neutral items and loads of diapers of different sizes and phases of the babies growth. They were set for life! The team caught Robert headed back up to Andy’s room and asked how she was doing. Robert replied, My wife is a trooper and is doing well! She didn’t even want to have an epidural! I’ll keep you all posted. The baby should be born tonight as Andy Is at 6 centimeters now! Robert yells , “I gotta go”! Don’t wanna miss a thing! Robert heads back to Andy’s room and shocked to see Carina back so soon with a couple of nurses. Andy Is progressing so fast towards birth. I guess the Pitocin sped up the contractions because She was now at 8 centimeters dialated! Robert quickly washes his hands and puts on his scrubs and rushes back in to help his wife bring they’re child into the world. Only two more centimeters to go and it’s push time! 30 minutes later Andy is pushing for the 3rd time and they hear they baby cry! Sullivan is over the moon and so proud of his wife! Carina announces , “IT’S A GIRL”!!! Weighing in at 6LBS 10 ounces and 21” long! She’s gonna be tall like her father! Welcome to the STATION 19 world baby “TAINA ANDREA HERRERA SULLIVAN”!! Robert is given the honor of cutting the umbilical cord of his new baby daughter! 5 minutes after their daughters birth Robert burst out to the lobby to shout, “ITS A GIRL”!! To the crew! Baby and Andy are doing well. She came in weighing 6 lbs 10 ounces and 21 inches long! We named her TAINA ANDREA HERRERA SULLIVAN!! You can hear 19 ooohing and ahhhing over the beautiful name they chose for their baby daughter! Congratulations to the new parents!

The End

BABY SULLIVAN-COMING SOON!

#fanfic #fiction #surrera #station 19 #Andy and Robert #fantasy

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barbarasbae · 4 years

Text

Even in Hawkins- Nerves

Part 15 of Even in Hawkins

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: hospitals, call back/mentions of miscarraige, healing, Neil makes an appearance, complicated feelings are had ( they’re starting to figure their dynamics out)

Hi welcome to the literal 8th version of this chapter that I’ve written in the past...4 months? Finally finally happy with the final product.

Billy was in the hospital for 5 more days, Max and Steve helping him practice walking. Y/n would help, but Max felt she needed to do it and Steve was stronger than Y/n, so it was probably for the best. “You’re doing great, Billy.” She called, the group turning around. His face was pink. “Do you need to slow down?” Max asked, concerned. “M’ fine.” He walked back to the room, Max trading her spot with Y/n. “Oof! Forgot how heavy you are.” She teased, Billy nipping her ear. She giggled, nudging him back. They helped him back in bed, the nurse on duty coming in to check on his stitches. Steve squeezed Y/n’s shoulder, bumping his nose against her ear. “You okay?”

“Yeah..just..nervous.” She admitted. “Why?”

“Just about..stuff. Like stitches and stairs.” She sat next to Billy, looking at the clock. Visiting hours were almost over. “Can you stay tonight?” Billy asked quietly, looking at his lap. “Sure. Something wrong?”

He shrugged, a mild pout on his face. She leaned in, Max and Steve starting to chatter about something. “It’s okay to be nervous.” She promised in a whisper, pressing her cheek against his, feeling heat flood his cheeks at the contact. “You embarrassed, silly?”

He grumbled, Y/n smiling. “Hey, do you think you two could give us a moment alone?” Y/n asked Max and Steve, nudging Billy. Both looking reluctant. “I’m really hungry actually. Could you go get me a sandwich or something?” Billy asked, taking the hint. The pair walked out, Steve looking a little flushed. Billy reached over, grabbing her closest hand. Y/n rested her chin on his shoulder, poking his cheek with her nose. She felt the alpha let out a shuddering breath, laying back into the pillows. “Hey, it’s okay. We’re okay.” He whimpered, turning his head. “I can’t-all those people. How can I just go home and act like nothing happened?” He asked in a whisper. Y/n was quiet. How can you?

“I don’t know, B. I guess you’ll just have to try to live your best or something like that?” That made his mouth quirk in a little smile. “Or something.” His voice was small. Y/n found Billy was turning more and more inward, getting quieter and quieter. Very similar to how he was when he first woke up. This wouldn’t do, of course. The omega in Y/n was practically screaming for her to fix it.

“Bill?”

“Hm?”

“Love you.” She told him softly, the blond giving her a brilliant smile. “Love you too.” She leaned back into him, Billy pulling her back into a hug, her nose pressed back into his hair. Billy pressed his nose into her scent gland, letting out a long sigh.

“Can’t wait to scent you how I actually want to.” She murmured, feeling the tip of Billy’s nose rubbing along the curve of her neck and became extremely aware that the doctor was coming into the room. She pulled back gently. “No-” He whined, following her.

“As much as I’m enjoying it, we have an audience.” She cooed, kissing him and helping him lay down. She sat next to him in a chair, a nurse walking over to check his vitals. Billy grabbed for her hand, the heart monitor speeding up. Y/n rubbed the inside of his palm, not wanting Billy to strain against his IV.

“Hey William. How are you feeling today?” He shrugged. “Well, that’s better than a grunt I suppose.” The nurse took his temperature, Dr. Owens flipping through the file. “You walked earlier today?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. I figured we’d discuss some of what you’ll need to do during recovery so check out on Friday can go faster.”

“I get to go home?” Dr. Owens nodded. “I have a list I’ll hand off to you but for now I’ll read you the most important ones. No getting stitches wet for at least another three weeks. You have to quit smoking. We can’t risk it with your weak lungs. No lifting anything heavy for at least 8 weeks and no driving heavy machinery for another 2. I want you to come see me once a week for therapy and at least another session once a week for physical therapy after your 8 weeks is up.”

“Okay.” Billy’s voice was small. “This isn’t necessary, but I am going to recommend cutting your hair.

“Doc, you gotta leave me with something.”

“Unless you have someone do it for you, because you strike me as someone who takes care of it, I recommend cutting it so you don’t have to worry about lifting your arms above your shoulder. Easy way to rip stitches.” Billy was getting upset. “We’ll figure something out.” Y/n promised, trying to reassure him. “Sandra here will tell you how to take care of your stitches. I’ll see you in the morning. Call if you need anything.”

“Would it be alright for me to stay here overnight?” The nurse nodded, going to get a special form for her. Steve and Max finally came back, passing out sandwiches. “You need me to get you anything?” The other omega asked before leaning his weight on the bed, eyes darting back and forth between the couple in front of him. “I think I’m okay for now. I’ll just go home in the morning for new clothes and stuff probably. You need anything, B?”

“I’m good.” Steve handed Billy his sandwich, looking pleased with himself when the alpha took a bite. “Would it be alright if I hug you before I leave?” Steve asked, more so looking at Y/n then he was Billy. “Yeah. That would be nice.” The blond smiled. The older omega squeezed in tight, the slight scenting not going unnoticed by Y/n. “I feel like I need a hug as well.” She teased, scenting Steve as well, a little chirp escaping her at the wonderfully safe, warm and familiar scent of Steve. “Well now I’m a little jealous.” Billy teased, the omegas laughing. “Ready Max?”

“I don’t wanna goooo.” She whined, dragging herself over to the cot. “Love you Billy.” She mumbled, embracing him in a way that was less a hug and more max wilting into him. “Love you too, shitbird.” She stuck her tongue out, Steve having to drag her away.

Y/n turned the tv on, the pair inhaling turkey sandwiches from the cafeteria.

She felt Billy’s eyes on her, the omega leaning closer. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“Did you ever go to the hospital after, you know?”

“What?”

“The baby?” Billy whispered and suddenly the only noise in the room was the tv. “Oh.”

“...”

“Yeah, I did. That’s the only reason I knew it was...a miscarraige.” She told him softly, the alpha reaching for her hand. “I could have gone with you.” She shook her head. “It was just me and my mom. I was so scared, I wasn’t even thinking about trying to tell anyone else.”

“I’m sorry.” He squeezed her hand, Y/n wiping at her face. “I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“No I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie, Y/n.”

“I’m not. Promise,”

She slept curled in the recliner, waking up every time a nurse came to check on Billy. Everyone continued to visit him throughout the week, the alpha forgetting to mention his impending release coming up.

The morning of Billy’s last day in the hospital, Billy received a 5 page pamphlet of instructions as well as a non-disclosure agreement. Dr. Owens mentioned he should be getting a check in the mail in a few weeks and that he needed to come back Tuesday for his first physical therapy appointment. Then he was free to go.

“Well, first day free. What do you want to do?” She asked the blond as they got on the road. “I want a burger.”

“Okay, greasy burger coming up. It okay if we make a few more stops after?” He nodded, playing with one of the strings on his hoodie.

She pulled into the video store parking lot, Billy following behind her, tugging his sleeves down. She reached for his hand, the blond eagerly taking it. “Y/n?” Steve called from the counter, Robin flipping through a comic book. They came over. “Holy shit. Billy! Hey man!” He came around the counter and hugged the alpha, Billy hugging back tightly. Steve tried to be subtle about scenting him but failed pretty spectacularly, causing the other omega to laugh. Steve smiled sheepishly, blushing when Billy buried his face in Steve’s neck. “You’re not the only ones here, dinguses.” Robin chided, Steve yanking away. “I think I should get a hug too.” Y/n teased, Steve throwing his arms around her. “This okay?” He asked quietly, nosing at her scent gland. “Oh-uh. y-yeah. Yeah it��s okay.” She hugged back tightly. “So what brings you here?”

“Movies.”

“Oh, right.” Steve laughed, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. He hopped back over the counter, Robin rolling her eyes. Billy meandered, grabbing a couple movies. “Okay, that’s gonna be $4.79.” Steve chirped, smiling up at Billy. Y/n handed off a 5. “I don’t want any change.”

“Hold on.” He grabbed a couple candy bars. “$5 solid.”

“Thanks, Stevie.” Billy piped up, reaching for Y/n’s hand. “No problem.”

“Steven, you’re drooling.” Robin sighed, closing the comic. “I am not!”

Y/n smiled. “Wanna come over for movies tomorrow?”

“Oh, sure.”

“Cool. It’s a date.” Y/n winked, Steve turning pink. “Later, pretty boy.” Billy threw in a wink of his own, Robin cackling as they turned to leave. “Dingus, get off the floor.” Y/n and Billy giggled, the former pulling the blond alpha outside. After getting snacks, Y/n started toward his house to let Billy rest. They pulled into his driveway, Billy looking tense. “Want me to walk you to the door?” He shook his head. “It’s okay. I’ll call you after dinner if I can come over?” She nodded. “Love you, B.” She leaned over, nuzzling the alpha’s scent gland. He let out an involuntary purr. “Okay, get off of me. Won’t ever get home.” He teased, kissing her forehead. She waved as he walked up the pavement, driving off.

Max opened the door after he knocked on it, stunned. “B-billy?!”

“Hi Max.”

She threw her arms around him, crying. He put the box down and hugged her back, Max not letting him go for a good 5 minutes. Neil watched them, not saying anything yet. Susan pulled him into a tight hug, saying she had been so worried about him. Max followed him into his room, asking question after question. “Maxine! Let him breathe.” Neil called. “It’s okay.” Billy said to her. She nodded and scooted into her room, Billy laying down on his bed. Neil came in, Billy sitting up in a panic. “Come to the kitchen.” He did, cautious. His body still hurt so much, he wasn’t ready for what pain might be coming. Susan set a plate of food in front of him. Neil pat his shoulder (a little too hard, mind you), squeezing in a way that made Billy straighten his spine in response. “We were so worried, Billy.” Neil said, voice...quiet?

Susan nodded. “What did the doctors say?”

“Oh, I don’t remember everything but I have some instructions. I have to do some physical therapy and they had to do surgery on my lungs. Ma’am.”

“MAXINE!”

“WHAT?!”

“GET YOUR BROTHERS PAPERS FROM THE HOSPITAL.”

She brought them in, Billy slowly eating the soup in front of him. Billy saw his father’s eyes go wide. “Don’t worry. The guys who own the mall are paying for everything. They don’t want us to sue them.” He repeated the lie Dr. Owens had instructed him to tell. Neil patted him on the shoulder. “Well, I’m glad you’re okay. And if they don’t pay for all of it I’m gonna sue them for all their worth.” Billy nodded. And then he was left alone. Well, sorta. Susan wouldn’t stop staring at him as he walked from the kitchen to the bathroom to his bedroom. He flipped through the pages Dr. Owens had given, grimacing at the appointment list. He was just tired. And the thought of having to do all that was exhausting. “Billy?”

“Hm?”

“I-mom got you something.” He got up, grunting. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah.” She had a phone in her hands. “They said I can connect it for you in here, if you want?”

“Sure, Max.” He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “Or not…”

“No, it’s okay. I’m just tired.” She nodded. “Can I put it here?” He nodded, laying back down. “Thanks, Max.”

“Call your girlfriend.” She poked his arm. He smiled. “You’re not gonna be using this to call you know who lets get that straight now.” She huffed but didn’t yell at him. He called Y/n after his door was shut.

“Hey baby.” He smiled, speaking to her softly. “Hi. Do you wanna come over?”

“Can I bring Max?”

“Sure. What time?”

“I don’t care. Now?”

“See you in twenty.”

They watched back to the future in Y/n’s room, Billy having an arm around each girl. Max only lasted about ten minutes before she complained his arm was heavy. Y/n played with his hair, kissing his cheek every once and awhile. She missed him like hell. And she fell asleep during the movie like 40 minutes in. “Baby, you’re missing it.” He cooed, her resting on his shoulder. She blinked awake, nudging his nose with hers. “I’m probably not gonna make it through the movie.” She said, putting her hand on his chest. Max had moved so she was resting on her elbows towards the end of the bed, kicking her feet. Y/n turned on her side, hiding her face in Billy’s neck, the alpha rubbing his cheek on top of her head.

“Isn’t Marty kinda hot, Y/n? Y/n?” Max turned her head to see her older brother and his girlfriend asleep. She groaned and got up. “Gross.” She actually thought they were really cute but she would never admit that out loud. She decided to venture downstairs, Y/n’s mom in the kitchen. “Hey sweetie. Who are you?”

“Max Mayfield. I’m Billy’s sister.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“You too. Do you have any ice cream?” Y/n’s mom let her take it upstairs, Max grimacing at the site of Billy drooling on his girlfriend.

Max bounced as she sat, waking Y/n up. “What’s happening?”

“Want some ice cream?”

“Sure.” The girls shared ice cream, finishing the movie.

“Billy, you need to wake up.”

“Five more minutes…” He pleaded, rolling into the pillows. “Ah, fuck.”

“Careful. Gotta take it easy.” She helped him sit up. “I gotta take you home.”

“Don’t wanna leave.” He whined, pushing his face into her chest. “Billy I’m tired.” Max whined, sugar crash hitting her hard. “You need to go get sleep before our date tomorrow.” Y/n whispered, Billy smiling. “Fine, fine. I’m getting up.” He grumbled, Y/n driving a sleepy Max and Billy home, stomach in knots at the prospect of their movie date tomorrow with Steve.

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randomingoftherandomness · 4 years

Note

so i was looking over random notes of mine for other ideas in other fandoms and it hit me, Booker gets his shit together, maybe starts seeing a therapist, and he realizes he thrives on homemaking, he accidentally befriends his neighbors or his neighbor's kids, at some point they have a crisis where the kids need watching but there's no one to watch and insert Booker, yada yada, kids love him, parents can relate, he accidentally becomes the go-to baby sitter, blablablah Accidental Daycare Booker

and this daycare nonsense is of course going on during The Exile™ so TOG doesn't know shit until something happens and they worry somehow Booker's gonna End Up In It Too but what they find is a smiling, happy, thriving man, sitting in a pile of small children reading aloud, & those kids LOVE him alright, & the parents ADORE him, & of course they know a sanitized version of him losing his own kids so they EMPATHIZE with the poor man with no family, ,,,until of course TOG stumble in like "waht?"

also (sorry for not numbering these i literally didn't mean to keep coming up w/ more ideas so this is #3) since you ruined my brain for it, ot3 so of course Joe sees this glowing happy Booker doting on these amazing small babies & just-- collapses because cuteness & overload, his poor poetic soft heart can't take it, but Nicky's not doing much better he forgot how to language halfway through a word & is trying to catch Joe but poor Nicky, he can't tear his eyes away & only one arm is working

AHHHHHH JORDGE I AM SOFT AND FERAL FOR THIS

I can already see how he goes to his knees to speak to the kids at their eye level and treats them with the utmost respect and gravitas. And those kids love him. Like, love the absolute cotton socks off of him.

Anita attempts to run away when her little brother was born and thinks her parents love her less and goes right to Booker because his house is right at the end of the street and that’s the furthest she’s ever walked alone, who makes her hot chocolate and puts on Inside Out and calls her parents to tell them that he will talk to her and get her back by bedtime. Phillipe and James who are adopting but worry about whether they’d be good parents and Booker becomes their confidante and helps them make sense of the red tapes and bureaucracies - which is easy coz governmental firewalls are nothing to the man who helped set them in place in the first place.

The Martin children who were new to the neighbourhood with parents who were clearly trying to save their marriage to very little success, so they hang out in Booker’s backyard when the fighting gets too loud and he always keeps a key under the frog-shaped pot in case he is at his weekly therapy sessions and they need a glass of water or something. Juliette who was leaving for uni next year but feels overwhelmed about leaving her family comes over for a chat and soon enough some of the older kids in the neighbourhood come by too.

Booker keeps his pantry stock with snack and food options because he can never know who’ll show up - whether it was one of the parents or the kids - so he is always prepared. In turn, the community rapidly weaves him into their lives; he takes summer holidays with his neighbours and everyone plans their Christmas parties so that he can attend each and every one.

And then one day, he manages to pull one of the younger Martin children from a tree but not before the boy sprains a wrist on the fall. Booker brings the neighbourhood brood along with him to the hospital and it’s nothing big and the child was none the worse for wear, but somehow his name pings in the hospital’s system and it brings his family to Paris because hey, his name pinged in a hospital’s system. Andy is worried because she’s mortal now, so what if Booker is too and what if this is a catalyst for him to try yeeting himself off this mortal coil. Joe and Nicky are on tenterhooks the whole time because Booker was and is their lover and while they still need time to heal from the hurt, the idea that Booker is hurting and they’re not there by his side is something they can’t abide by. Nile is just resisting the urge to bang her head on a table because this worry and stress could have been avoided if they’d just listened to her and talked to the man.

Booker isn’t in the hospital obviously but he is at the address he leaves at the hospital. They arrive, ready to spirit him away if they need to, only to find the house filled to the brim with people and laughter and happiness. A teenage girl opens the door and asks if they’re Basti’s friends because they’re out of ice and could they go get some, please? There’s a game on where the clear team supporters are religiously gathered around. In the kitchen, there is something like a cooking marathon happening and the dining table is bowing under the food piled on it. It is simultaneously chaotic and homely and Joe stops a man with a baby to ask where ‘Basti’ is.

They’re all directed to the backyard where Booker is seated on the grass with a small gathering of children and teenagers who are lounging with their books and phones while Booker is reading out loud to the youngest members of this group. The child on his lap has a cast on his arm and sucking on a thumb but seems to be transfixed and calm as Booker does the voices to Beauty and the Beast.

Booker looks radiant and content and healthy and hale and he smiles easily when the children cuddle closer to him and demand for his attention. Joe is struck breathless by the almost unrecognisable way Booker looks in that he is so soft and content and so very alive, while Nicky is speechless at how much his heart spills with love at the kindness he sees in the way Booker treats the children around him and how his home is so filled with people who clearly care and are comfortable with Booker in their lives.

Andy is confused as hell and Nile is ready to drag them all out because Booker seems to be doing well but they do not need to have their reunion right here and now because there are too many strangers around them right now. And that is when Booker looks up to see, oh, it’s them and his face changes from relaxed and calm to tense and guarded. Which doesn’t go unnoticed by the children.

Who all move to put themselves in front of Booker. The Immortals are highly befuddled.

#i think there's enough here for a full length story that i will never write lol #booker loving hours are never off at Chez Gab #joe x booker x nicky #booker x joe x nicky #joe x nicky x booker

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ravenbrenna09 · 4 years

Text

Jij Verliest - Chapter Seven: Clip 5&6

master list

...

note: I’m sorry, I’ve given up on actually making the texts. Also I didn’t italicize the texts because everytime I do, Tumblr doesn’t always get them all for whatever reason.

...

Maandag 11:52

Chat: Broerrrs + Luc

13 July, 11:52

Jens: ROBBE. IJZERMANS. What part of ‘text us about it’ did you not understand?

Robbe: Lucas. You could’ve warned me at least.

Lucas: Sorry.

Aaron: What happened to ‘Chill Jens’?

Moyo: Caps lock must’ve been on.

Jens: Caps lock was on. Didn’t feel like changing it though. It served a purpose.

Moyo: What’s going on?

Aaron: Yeah, what do VDS know that we don’t?

Lucas: Um, do you want me to tell them?

Robbe: I can’t have one blissful Monday afternoon, can I?

Aaron: Of course not, it’s Monday.

Lucas: Robbe had a *visitor* this weekend. Someone who showed up on Friday night. And didn’t leave until this morning 👀 Should my sources be correct…

Robbe: Zoë or Milan?

Lucas: My sources are confidential.

Moyo: Please tell me it was Sander.

Robbe: Yes, it was Sander.

Moyo: Thank god. Wait, are you being serious?

Jens: Yes! And *someone* forgot to tell us.

Robbe: I’m sorry, I was busy.

Aaron: Yeah, we know what you were doing all weekend.

Robbe: Cuddling and watching Harry Potter?

Moyo: You’re boring.

Robbe: Haha 🖕🏻 Sander didn’t think so. Also, who else would it be, Moyo?

Moyo: Worst case scenario? Thomas. Best case scenario? A random one nightstand.

Jens: Thomas? As if.

Moyo: That’s why it was the worst-case scenario.

Lucas: If it was Thomas, none of us would be able to stop Jens. And I’m thankful it’s not because I’m sick of his face. And my boyfriend isn’t in jail.

Aaron: Seconded.

Moyo: Third.

Jens: You guys know I almost always agree with Lucas. But I am also sick of Thomas’s face. And I would need bail money.

Robbe: Yes, I know. I have a rotten ex-boyfriend. Luckily, I have a new one that’s ten times better.

Jens: Yes. Did he explain why he was distant?

Robbe: Yes, he did and I forgive him. I would’ve forgiven him anyway, but he did explain. And we’re together now.

Jens: Good. That’s all that matters.

Robbe: So, since we all know what *I* was doing this weekend: how were all of your weekends?

Lucas: the Netherlands was fun. Got to see Isa and the girls again. Plus, Mom kept trying to force-feed Jens. She told him he was too skinny.

Jens: She said the same thing to you. Why are you singling me out?

Aaron: Amber and I went out to lunch with her mom on Sunday.

Moyo: My girlfriend’s roommates were out on Saturday night. So we ended up cooking together. The first try was a bit of a disaster, but we managed to make something good the second time.

Robbe: That’s great. I’m glad everyone had fun.

Lucas: When are we going to meet this mystery girl, Moyo? You seem smitten.

Jens: Yeah, you do. And you call me whipped. You should see you.

Robbe: But you are whipped.

Jens: I’m not denying it. But he’s also whipped.

Lucas: You are.

Moyo: When are we going to meet Sander? As your friends, he’s just as important as you are.

Robbe: I don’t know. Probably about the same time that you introduce us to Noor.

Jens: Wait, Noor is your mystery girl?

Moyo: Aaron!

Aaron: I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING. I haven’t even told Amber!

Jens: Wait, Aaron knew about this and not me? I’m offended, bro.

Lucas: I’d like to know how Robbe knew. Because if Aaron didn’t tell Amber, he didn’t tell Robbe.

Robbe: My source is confidential.

Moyo: Robbe, I hate you.

Robbe: Don’t hate me. She’s a great girl. Plus, it’s not like you two are sly. At our movie night, you two were far more comfortable than you should’ve been.

Moyo: Yeah, you’re right.

Jens: I feel like my entire world has changed.

…

Dinsdag 17:45

When Robbe had stepped into the tattoo parlor a little before 17:00, Alicia had leapt over the edge of the counter and bounced across the empty lobby. She had tackled him, nearly causing both of them to crash onto the floor, and her electric blue ponytail smacked him in the face. Robbe recoiled slightly from the accidental slap before sinking into her embrace. Once she pulled away, she bounced on her feet, looking like she might explode from excitement.

“I’m so happy to see you here again!” she said, grinning. “I was starting to worry that I would have to deal with grumpy Sander for the rest of my life.” Robbe chuckled and Alicia smiled proudly. “But I’m glad to see that you two have made up—you did make up, right? He has just seemed happier today and yesterday and I’m assuming it’s because of you.”

Robbe laughed. “Yes, we did.”

Alicia bounced again, still grinning. “That’s great! His shift is over in a few minutes…” She trailed off, eyeing him suspiciously. “But I have a feeling that you already knew that.” While Alicia continued to eye him with playful suspicion, Robbe shrugged and grinned. “Sorry, my mom always tells me that I seem strange to people who don’t know me. It’s just I’ve heard so much about you from Sander and he’s practically family so I’m pretty protective of—”

“No, it’s okay, I understand—”

As if on cue, Sander stepped out of the hallway. Even after a long day of work, his bleach-blond hair was still immaculate and pristine. Today, he was wearing another black shirt but this one had Emilie’s Tattoo Parlor printed across his chest. He looked tired, but Robbe wasn’t surprised. He had worked the early shift.

Stopping at the desk, he placed down a binder and adjusted the strap of his bag a little higher on his shoulder. Glancing up, his eyes caught Robbe talking with Alicia. As soon as he spotted them, he grinned brightly over at them, all tiredness fading from his face, and said, “Alicia, leave my boyfriend alone.” His tone was light and teasing as he crossed the room. Sander wrapped Robbe in a hug before moving towards the parlor door. “I only have him for an hour before he has to go to work.”

“Oh right,” Alicia said, smacking her head like she forgot. She grinned at Robbe, waving goodbye at the two of them. “Have a good dinner!”

“Tell Britt hi!”

Leaving the tattoo parlor, Robbe collected his bike before following Sander down a well-tuned series of turns to their destination. With one arm around Sander’s waist and the other steering his bike, Robbe felt like he was right where he was meant to. Robbe didn’t know where they were going—just to some restaurant that Robbe had to try—but he followed Sander’s gentle tugs and guidance with ease. Once they arrived at the hole-in-the-wall restaurant, Robbe locked his bike up and let Sander drag him inside.

Robbe didn’t know what he had been expecting from the small restaurant, but it was one of the best pizzas that he’d ever had. As soon as they walked in, the cashier recognized Sander and proceeded to tease him about taking too long to bring his boyfriend around. When the cashier brought them their pizzas, moving before Sander could get up to get them, they were hot to the touch and fresh from the oven.

As they ate their food, Sander would reach out to feed Robbe a bite of his or brush a hand on his thigh beneath the table. Every time Sander did something, paid attention to him, his heart grew three sizes. Even so early into their relationship, he felt so cared for. Robbe tried to do the same. He would reach out to hold his knee or hold Sander’s hand beneath the table. And Sander never shied away from Robbe’s touch. In fact, he seemed to blossom with it.

As they left the restaurant, hand in hand and laughing, the cashier tried to say it was on the house for their favorite customer and his boyfriend. Robbe blushed profusely at their comment and Sander merely chuckled, thanking them. As soon as the cook called the cashier’s name, Sander quickly dropped the money to cover the order (and more) into the tip jar before dragging Robbe from the restaurant.

Even though it wasn’t that long of a ride, Sander insisted on driving Robbe back to the flatshare. Their only trouble was getting Robbe’s bike in the car, but they managed to make it work by tilting it a little. The ride itself was short and relaxing. Sander drove with one hand on the wheel and the other was wrapped gently with Robbe’s hand. As he weaved through the traffic, Sander talked in vivid detail about a tattoo that he did earlier this afternoon as Robbe listened intently.

As they pulled into a stop outside the building, Robbe got curious. “Hey, Sander.”

“Yeah?” Sander asked.

“What were you thinking about, that night at the bar?” Robbe asked.

It had been a question on Robbe’s mind for a while. His thoughts of the night were abundantly clear—okay, maybe slightly buzzed—that the random stranger with an armful of tattoos who sat down next to him and offered him a smoke and gave him an impromptu therapy session was hot. As he nursed his hangover the next morning, Robbe had briefly entertained the thought of meeting him again but Robbe had thought it was an impossible feat. Seeing Sander walk in that bar less than a week later… it had felt like a sign.

One that Robbe had been simultaneously curious and terrified of.

When Sander was quiet, simply staring at the steering wheel with a small smile on his face, Robbe added, “I’m sure that it must’ve been one hell of a crappy impression.”

Sander glanced up at him with a small look of disbelief and a scoff. “What makes you think that?” Sander teased.

Robbe turned in his seat, facing Sander with a mischievous smile on his face. He placed their joined hands in his lap, running his finger over the back of his hand. “I don’t know, but if I saw a guy sitting quite dramatically on the floor—I think that was your wording,” Robbe said and Sander laughed, “and lamenting his ex-boyfriend, it wouldn’t have been the best first impression I’ve ever made.”

“I don’t know,” Sander said. He put the car in park before turning to Robbe, who was waiting impatiently beside him. Sander tugged their joined hands back into his lap before turning Robbe’s over so the palm was facing upward. Sander trailed a finger along the lines of his palm, leaving Robbe squirming in his seat. “I think you made quite the first impression.”

This time, it was Robbe’s turn to scoff. He leaned against the leather of the car, relishing in the feeling of Sander’s doodles on his palm. “You know as well as I do, I could’ve done a lot better than bitching about my ex with someone—”

“No,” Sander said, interrupting him lightly. His voice was quiet like he was having a private conversation with himself and Robbe watched on, biting down on his lip. “That wasn’t the time I meant.”

Robbe’s eyebrows pulled tight, staring at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Sander’s eyes darted up to meet Robbe. He could see the panicked expression in his eyes, like he didn’t expect Robbe to hear his secret confession. Quickly, his expression shifted to nervous. A small lopsided grin formed on his lips as he tilted his head to the side. Sander’s hand fidgeted around his and Robbe twisted his hand around to grasp at Sander’s fingers.

“Sander,” Robbe said. “What is it?”

“Um,” Sander said, biting down on his lip. “Last August, I went to the bar with my roommates after a long day at work. While I was waiting for them to show up, I spotted this beautiful man standing at the bar talking with the owner like he did it every day.”

Sander’s eyes raised, catching his brown ones in an instant, and Robbe was certain his heart stopped in his chest. Him, Robbe realized. Sander had seen him before.

“Before I could work up the nerve to talk to him, to get the name of this beautiful man who turned my world upside down in an instant, his boyfriend showed up and whisked him away from me. I thought that was the end of it—that I missed my chance until…” Sander trailed off.

Robbe felt his stomach flip, nervous and excited. Bringing Sander’s hand to his mouth, Robbe placed a kiss against his knuckles. Sander followed him with a heavy gaze in his eyes and the corners of his lips quirked up nervously. “Until?” Robbe asked, his lips brushing against Sander’s knuckles.

“Until…” Sander continued. Robbe scooted closer to him—or as much as he could in the small confine of the car. He was practically leaning over the console, trying to get as close to Sander as he could. Sander glanced at Robbe nervously. “Until last month. It had been a rough few months, but I was starting to come out of it. It was my first time out of the apartment other than for work for a month and I looked over and saw the beautiful man in the bar again.”

Robbe giggled.

“As soon as I saw him, I knew that he was the one. My mother used to tell me that there was no such thing as a coincidence,” Sander said, reaching up to wipe a thumb across Robbe’s flushed cheeks. “She used to go on and on about how ‘what is meant for you won’t pass you by’—”

“Is that what the quote on your side is?” Robbe asked, quietly. Sander paused, staring at him. “I saw it on Saturday but your arm was covering most of it.”

Sander grinned. “Yes, it is. Now, back to the story—”

Robbe mumbled out a quiet ‘sorry’ and Sander gave him a stern look.

“When I saw that beautiful man for the second time, I knew that the universe was trying to give me a sign and I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity. When I saw him head outside to get some air, I followed. But I only managed to learn his name before the universe ripped him away from me again.” He let out a heavy sigh and slumped his shoulders. “But, lucky for me, I managed to find him again, not even a week later, and I knew that I couldn’t let him get away from me again.”

“Wow,” Robbe said, breathless. Sander looked up at him with nervous eyes, staring at Robbe intensely. He let out a breath, reaching up to take Sander’s face in his hands. “You really saw me that long ago?”

“Yes,” Sander whispered. “Since the moment I saw you, I’ve wanted you, Robbe IJzermans… even before I knew what your name was.” His eyes scanned Robbe’s face. “Are you mad?”

Staring at Sander for a few seconds, Robbe hastily undid the seatbelt around him. He could see the worried look on Sander’s face, like Robbe was going to climb out and never look back, but Robbe simply climbed on the seat. His knees dug into the leather as Robbe leaned across the center to press a deep kiss against Sander’s lips. He clung to the strands of Sander’s icy blond hair, holding on for dear life, as Sander let out a grunt.

Since the beginning, Sander had always seen him. Whether it was last month outside the bar or last year inside the bar, Sander had seen him. He had seen Robbe in the comfort of his bed, in the disarray of a friendly gathering, desperate in a tattoo parlor, and so many moments in between. Robbe wanted Sander to see him in all of his moments and moods, just like he wanted to see all of Sander’s faces and facades. He wanted all of Sander, everything he could get them.

Sander’s words from last Friday came rushing back: Robbe IJzermans, since the moment that I first saw you, I have wanted you.

“So you’re not mad?” Sander asked, breaking their kiss.

Robbe shook his head, practically panting against Sander’s mouth. “No, I’m not mad.”

“Good,” Sander said, quietly. “I was worried you might be.”

“I’m not. I promise.”

Robbe moved to kiss Sander again. Robbe wanted to kiss him a little harder. Robbe wanted to pour every single emotion bursting out of his chest into the kiss for Sander—for Sander to taste—at the same intensity Robbe was experiencing from him. But, at the last second, Sander pulled away a mischievous smile on his lips and Robbe couldn’t help the whine. “What were you thinking the night that you first saw me outside the bar?”

Robbe chuckled. “I could only think of one thing—” Pausing, Robbe leaned forward. His knees were strained from this position, but he didn’t care. Stopping a hair away from connecting their lips fully, Sander glanced up at Robbe with a mischievous look in his eye as Robbe grinned. “—Fuuucccckkk, he’s so hot.”

Sander laughed but his laugh was muffled by Robbe’s lips pressing against his.

#wtfock #robbe ijzermans #sander driesen #jij verliest #chapter seven #sobbe #rosander #jij verliest fic #brenna writes #wtfock fanfiction #twitch streamer!robbe #tattoo artist!sander

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ameliasnormandy · 3 years

Text

Talk with Sparkles, a therapy session in the Marvel Universe (Fanfic)

This is my third session with code name Sparkles. This session, much like all of my other sessions with her, was odd.

If I came today, does that mean that I have to come tomorrow too? (Why she seems so intent on living these interviews before we have even really begun them is still beyond me.)

Alright, I will be here tomorrow too. I still don’t see the point in me coming. I have always been as upfront with you as I could be. I have, if I have done anything at all, bent the truth. (She started playing with the necklace that she was wearing again.)

No, not lied. There is a difference between bending the truth and lying. We all bend the truth. We say what’s convenient for us. We lie to protect others. We say someone looks good when we don’t actually think they do. We say we believe someone when we actually don’t.

(I just wanted to point out that this isn’t a direct answer to the question. What questions were unacceptable to lie about?) I believe that the questions that led to the answers about the universe’s secrets are much more important than the answers themselves. What matters is that someone at some point was willing to ask the question. The curiosity of someone got us there in the first place.

Maybe. I had actually bought the place before my dad died. He knew that I would need to do something to occupy my mind; he knew that it had to be both creative and challenging. And that became an escape room. That escape room became a literal escape for me.

No, I love those kids. But I was 17. I was… I never… It’s just… And… (my lights had begun to start flash again, I have started being able to time out my lights flickering to each of her stuttered words) Hey, your lights are flickering again. They still have been unable to figure out the power grid. I wonder if our places are connected on the power grid.

My father’s old house. My father would have wanted that, but my siblings would never have had that had they been around. It was really the only place big enough for all 8 of us.

I have a housekeeper come twice a week and a babysitter 3 times a week. No live-in staff.

I guess, but I didn’t think about it. Truth is, I didn’t have much time to think about anything except keeping those kids alive.

I don’t know. You’re the doctor, shouldn’t you be able to tell me? I mean, I have my guess, but... You’re the one that could be… Not that… I mean no disrespect and… What I mean to say… (my lights started flickering again with every stutter. I had to stop it.)

What? Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t know… Sometimes… Occasionally… When I am nervous… (Again, her stuttering caused my lights to flicker nearly uncontrollably, this seemed to be the only proof that I needed. Her stuttering caused the lights to flash, and she had no control of it.)

Sorry. My father used to say that my hamster goes too fast. It will just run and run. It would never stop on anything for… (I was about to stop her from another stuttering rampage.) Rambling. Sorry. The twins say it’s cute when I ramble. They think that it makes me special.

Because their family, my father was old when my mom had me, almost 65. My mom was only 23, as old as I am now. She died when I was 8. My father was over 70 at that point. He could have sent me to some boarding school. He could have gotten me a nanny and never thought about me again. He didn’t do any of that; he cared. He wanted to care because family is what mattered to him. I have siblings older than my mom. I was, in their eyes, a mistake. They always believed that my mother had an agenda, and if she had an agenda, I did too. My father tried to shield me from the worst of it—sugar coating the things that weren’t pleasant to think about. It was about three weeks before my father died; we were discussing his funeral. He had seen what my mom’s funeral had devolved into. Her parents, who were still alive at the time, wanted to make sure everything was just so for their little girl. No one had expected her to die. It was a sudden thing. There was no time to prepare a funeral with her. And my mom’s parents nearly hijacked the whole thing. My dad wanted to avoid that. There was to be no question that this was his funeral. My siblings, my father, and I all met at my father’s… you don’t actually want to hear about this, do you?

(I didn’t but told her that I did, I figured that you didn’t want to hear about it.) Are you sure? It just seems that there are other things that you think I should be talking about.

Maybe my father’s actual funeral? (This wasn’t what I was thinking about either, but it was undoubtedly closer)

Not really, but if it gets me out of here faster… My father’s funeral was a perfectly average day. If I had to call it anything, I would call it may be cloudy, but I acknowledge my own biases. I would want the day my father was buried to be cloudy, if not straight rainy.

(I asked her to closer her eyes. I did this because I started seeing the room go hazy, and I couldn’t understand why. I thought that I would try something different. I thought that maybe if I was right, she could be doing something.) But I already know my biases. I shouldn’t have to… Never mind. Let’s just do this. I woke up in my bedroom that morning, freezing. (My office was slowly fading into the background. Her bedroom becoming clearer and clearer. It was not the room I would have believed to be hers. It was brightly colored, pink on the walls. There were several pieces of clothing strewn through the room. A few stuffed animals also throughout the room. There was a giant bed in the middle of the room. The bed was covered in pink and purple sheets. In the middle of the bed was Sparkles.) I had been so upset the night before, I forgot to either build a fire or turn the heater on. (Against the wall, I noticed that a fireplace was slowly showing up, I also noticed that my room started feeling colder.) The house itself is fairly warm usually, but my room is a little out there, so it doesn’t always get heat like it should. Usually, it’s not a problem. I turn the heater on, or if I’m feeling in a particular mood, I’ll light the fire in my room. The night before, though, I just didn’t feel like doing either. I woke up freezing. I remember that quite clearly because I remember thinking that my dad must have had a horrible night. You see, I’m a forgetful person. Knowing that I am forgetful, my dad would come check on me in the middle of cold nights. He did it religiously until he got very sick. On those days, I would be the one to check on him. My first thought on the day of my father’s funeral wasn’t something profound. It wasn’t some sweet memory of him. It was I’m going to have to go check on him. I was out of bed, my hair pulled into a tight ponytail before it hit me, and it hit me hard enough that I fell to the floor. I just sat there crying. I don’t even remember how long I sat there crying. All I know is that when I finally stood up again, it was eleven. My father’s funeral was two, so I had to get ready.

(I saw an image of her flash before me. It was not her current form. It was her younger. I could tell that, but I couldn’t exactly tell how much younger she was. She had her hair in a tight bun. There was a black ribbon that kept her hair in that bun. She was wearing a black dress that had sleeves that were covered in lace. This black dress had a red belt. I noticed the red belt and thought that it was slightly inappropriate and told her as such.) It was the only… How did you know that?

(I had been caught, and I didn’t even think about it. I needed to create a cover story. I tried to tell her that she had told me.) No. I didn’t tell you what I was wearing. How could you…

(She didn’t buy it, and of course, she didn’t, so I needed to come up with another story, thankfully her father was a rather public figure, so thinking about that, I continued and told her that I had looked up a picture of her at her father’s funeral.) That’s weird. Why would you need to see a picture of me at my father’s funeral?

I honestly hated the idea of having people at our father’s funeral.

(I felt the necessity to ask her what she meant by people.) I mean reporters and people that didn’t even know my father. My sister’s choice. She thought that it would be good for the family image. She was always the one to worry about that. (I didn’t even get a chance to ask her which sister) Holly. She came from my father’s first marriage, the second oldest; she’ll be turning forty-nine soon. Well, maybe. What do you think about the age idea? How do you think that is going to work?

Maybe they aged some but didn’t age as much as we did. Or perhaps they aged more. There is a scientific understanding of how this works according to a set of fake twins called the Einstein Twins. I’m boring you, aren’t I? (Again, she just knew, without me telling her anything) I tend to bore people with facts that they don’t care about. I know that I should get better at this, but I like random facts and… My sisters tell me that I talk too much. I don’t know when to stop talking. They say that I need to learn to close my mouth. They say that men don’t like a girl who rambles about things that the men don’t seem to think are essential to the conversation. And now, I’m rambling about rambling. Only someone like me could do that. Or really anyone. Anyone could do it. It’s just that I am the only one that actually does it. Right… Sorry… I should… I mean, I will… I just…

(I had to quickly stop her from rambling to save my lights from exploding again) OK. Continuing with the story. I walked into the funeral home. My father wanted his funeral to be something simple. He was one person that genuinely believed that simplicity was almost always better. He wanted a few white roses and a small picture of him, that’s it. The minute that I walked into the room, I was hit with the complete disrespect they had for their father, my father, our father. It was an astounding lack of respect for the man that we claimed to respect. The place was covered in both red and white flowers. (When she says covered, she truly means covered. The images that I could see made it seem like there was hardly any room to walk around in.) There was a giant picture of my father, one of his most stern moments, which I felt slightly derailed the legacy that I remembered of my father. He was a kind man, a gentle man. He was not just the stern man that his business partners tried to portray him to be. I feel like I have to use the past tense because I bought out his business partners or their family when I took over the company. Their vision of what they wanted from my father’s company was nothing close to what I wanted from it. So, when they needed money, or their families did, I was more than helpful. I would then offer them twice or triple what their shares were worth. Now, they all thought that they were duping me. They thought they were selling me shares extraordinarily high, and when I was in complete control, the company would begin to tank, and I would be forced to sell the shares back to them for half of what I bought them for. I now own 60% of the company, half from the shares that I bought from my dad’s partners and 10% from the shares that I got when dad died.

(I asked her if she was close in wealth to what Tony Stark was.) I don’t know that answer. Truth is, I don’t care. Some people have tried to compare the two of us, and I have said no. We both grew up in wealth and inherited that wealth from our parents. I don’t like being compared to him. I never invented deadly weapons, thank you very much. My mother’s company is heavily into energy, both renewable and nonrenewable. My father’s company is a bit harder to pin down. He made his money first in biotech - self-growing artificial skin. It cut down on scarring.

(I noticed that she had a small circular scar on her wrist, and I felt like I had to ask her about it) Oh, yes, that is a scar.

(She started playing with the scar the minute that I asked about it) I know what I just said, but it is just a bit more complicated than that.

No.

(She had yet to stop playing with that scar at this point) Because it’s personal, and I don’t feel that I need to justify my looks to you. Honestly, I’m sure that you have already made your judgments about my appearance. It must be so weird for you to look at me, considering that I look nothing like you would expect from one of the wealthiest people in the world. Well, welcome to my hell. Yes, I’m fat because I eat too much, but no, I don’t eat enough to starve an entire nation. So, you wanna stop with the judgments.

You are. I can feel it. I’m not stupid.

That I never said you thought. Actually, you think I’m brilliant, smarter than most people realize that I am. I was a figurehead of one of the largest energy corporations in the world before all my baby teeth had fallen out. Why should I have to be smart with that much money? Of course, when I do show them, then the comparisons start. I’m just a little less charming, not quite as pretty; that one really hurts, and just not quite as smart.

No. Why would I? He doesn’t know who I am. It’s not his fault. I have no reason to blame him for their comparisons. Besides, there are worse things that they could compare me to. (I do want to point out here that she never once says his name.)

(My assistant came in to tell us that we were running half an hour late. I didn’t think it was possible. I thought that we still had plenty of time). Looks like it’s time to go. Time really does fly when you don’t want to be somewhere. I will make sure that I am here early tomorrow, Doc. Would hate for you to wait on me.

#marvel #fanfic #oc character #oc fanfiction #tony stark #Talkingwithcodenamesparkles

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fanfoolishness · 4 years

Text

Growing Things

The road to recovery is a long one, but the journey is easier with good company. Steven and Connie work in the garden and discuss the past and future. Connverse, 2797 words, a little angst, a lot of fluff.

(A sequel to my Steven-gets-therapy stories Full Disclosure and ice cream sundaes that asks, what if Prickly Pair had occurred in a healthy way?)

***

A throb of power, a humming in his ears, a light, a song. Rage boiled in his chest; he sobbed into his hands, gasping with the weight of it. Pink light shimmered around him. It built itself into a cage of lies and fears, and he flung his hands out, fingers sliding down its smooth surface. As it closed in around him it changed into a mirror that glinted and rippled. He tried to hide his face, but he could see how much he looked like her --

Steven woke up suddenly, breathing hard, sweaty and trembling. I’m here, I’m here, he remembered. He ran a shaky hand through his unruly hair, wiping the sweat away.

A knock at the sliding door startled him, and he looked up, fighting momentary panic. The fear dissolved when he saw Connie waving at him through the glass. He nodded to her and she let herself in with the key he’d given her ages ago.

“Hey!” she said happily, but the smile on her face quickly faded. “Are you okay?”

Steven took a few breaths. Focus, then let it go. No feeling lasts forever. “No,” he said, simply, honestly. Another breath. “Give me a minute. I think I will be.”

She sat down beside him, kicking off her shoes and curling up on the bed. She leaned against him and settled her head on his shoulder. It was one of her newest favorite spots to lean on him, and he relaxed into her, his breathing slowing.

“Another nightmare?” Connie asked, hugging him. He dug his hands into his thighs, gripping hard at first, then gradually relaxing until his knuckles were no longer white.

“Yeah. Not a flashback or anything. Just me, stuck in my own head.” He paid attention to how he felt, the way Connie felt against him, the sound of his breathing, his feet flat on the floor.

Get out of your head. It was starting to help.

“Well, I’m here too,” Connie reassured him. She pressed a gentle kiss to his temple, then his cheek. He grinned despite the nightmare’s memory, fighting the sudden urge to float up to the ceiling and take her with him. He turned his face to hers and kissed her, her mouth parting open beneath his, and the nightmare quickly slipped back into distant recollection. How could he think of that when the way Connie held him was so right?

They drew apart a moment later, both slightly breathless, Connie as pink-cheeked as Steven felt. “Thanks for coming over,” Steven said, suddenly shy. “Even if I overslept.”

“Nah, I’m early. I might have missed you a little bit since yesterday,” said Connie, pretending to look innocent. Then she giggled and nudged him with her shoulder. “Besides, I’m starting to get into this whole gardening thing with you. These plants won’t take care of themselves… unless you’ve added any --”

Steven laughed a little, climbing out of bed. Connie stood up beside him, slipping on her shoes. “No, no, these ones up here are still just normal Earth plants. No cheating. I’ll get dressed. Um, maybe you should --”

“Suddenly shy, Steven Universe?” She turned around so that she couldn’t see him change, but she was blushing as she did so.

“Um, maybe,” Steven said, his voice threatening to crack for a second. He gulped through it, disguising it with a swallow. Oh jeez. “Uh, maybe I just don’t want you to be overwhelmed by my extremely handsome physique,” he blustered. Better.

They’d only officially been dating for six and a half weeks, and he was still figuring out how to be both a friend and a boyfriend. He wasn’t sure how exactly to do it, but it felt like he was doing okay. Except what was this flirting thing, again? He hoped she didn’t think he was too ridiculous.

He pulled off the light tank top he’d slept in. Part of him half-hoped Connie would watch him get changed after all -- but that was both too exciting and too terrifying to handle just yet, so he quickly changed with his back to her, sweating again. Where had he put that deodorant? Ah, there it was. Phew.

“Well, it’s true,” Connie mused from across the room. “I do think you’re handsome.”

“Come on, Connie, don’t tease me,” he said, rummaging for fresh underwear and jeans. He put them on at lightning speed.

“I wasn’t teasing, but I can start. Isn’t calling you handsome one of the perks of being your girlfriend?” The way she said girlfriend was light and airy, tinged with pride and the excitement of newness. The sound of it made him feel all floaty again.

“Can I just say that us actually dating is… it’s kinda weird, and more than a little scary, and also I really love it? Because it’s awesome. You’re awesome. And beautiful, and smart, and funny, and badass, and -- well, you know,” Steven said in a rush, pulling on a fresh shirt. It got stuck temporarily on his head, and he pulled it down, his hair going every which way as he did so. “Okay, I’m decent.”

“Decently goofy, that is,” said Connie, turning back around. They headed out onto the deck, and she laughed brightly, one of his favorite sounds. “I feel the same way. It’s weird, and I get all these crazy butterflies every time I look at you, but you’re still Steven. It’s like… being best friends plus this whole new thing where I get to hold your hand and kiss you and tease you until you blush. I’m a big fan.”

“Well, that’s a relief.” He bent down to examine some of the plants in their pots and planters. He had considered growing them magically, but there was something comforting about these ones, their shades of green and blue and goldenrod a cheery sight against the Gem-constructed dome. Maybe it was that they were content to stay here and grow where he’d asked them to; but maybe it was that there was no way they would cause problems any more severe than allergies.

“It isn’t really cheating,” Connie said, watering a row of blue and pink-blooming hydrangeas in their beds.

“Huh?” Steven asked, nonplussed over by the burgeoning azaleas. Their first blossoms were just starting to unfurl in shocking fuschia.

“Using magic to grow these. It would be okay if you did, I think.” She paused, trailing a hand over a bundle of pink blossoms. “Magic’s part of you just as much as being human, if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s not wrong to use it, and it’s not wrong to not use it, you know?”

How did she always see through him? He was glad she knew him so well, but sometimes, it made it difficult to hide. He thought back to the sessions he’d started going to, human therapy with someone who didn’t know him, didn’t know Dad and the Gems, didn’t know any of this stuff… but someone who let Steven talk. And one of the things he’d suggested was reconnecting to his human side.

“I know. But I fought so hard to be a good Gem, to get control of my powers, to save the galaxy… I forgot about who I was as a human. I guess this is me trying to figure it out, one plant at a time. Plus my counselor thinks the whole gardening thing is a good idea.” He brushed his fingertips over the spiny leaves of a variegated aloe plant. “Thanks for helping me look into it. Peridot’s advice was super technical, but just hanging out and taking care of plants is a little more my speed.”

She left the watering can, closing the distance between them and taking his hand. “It’s okay if it takes time.”

“I know,” he said, and he did know it, and the thought made him glad. There was a time, not that long ago, that he wouldn’t have believed her. That he would have thought she wasn’t telling the truth. “That’s why I’ve been working so hard on letting myself not work. I really needed help. And it feels good to be getting it.”

Connie looked down at his hand, held in her slender one. “I’m so sorry you were struggling so much. I knew something was wrong, I just… I didn’t know what exactly.”

He gripped her hand tighter. “Well, my counselor says I can be really stubborn,” he laughed. “And he says I’m really good at hiding things. The Gems didn’t know, Dad didn’t know…” He sighed, the laughter in his voice fading.

Oh. There it was, that feeling. Steven tried to sit with it, instead of trying to shove it aside. It was still a difficult thing for him. “I just can’t believe I lost a whole year, feeling like that. Empty and angry and numb…. I wish it had been different. That I’d been better at dealing with everything. I mean, I could have been going off to college with you in fall, and we could have been dating so much sooner because I wouldn’t have been so messed up. I wouldn’t have worried everyone so much, or scared you so much that night -- I’m really sorry -- ”

“Hey, hey hey hey,” said Connie softly.

He looked up. She searched his face, her brown eyes wide and earnest. She smiled gently at him, and he realized what she meant.

“Oh man, I’m doing it again,” Steven said, shaking his head and smiling faintly. “That thing where I assume I have to apologize if I try to talk about my feelings. And that other thing where I assume I have to take care of everyone else’s problems instead of mine. Ahhh, it’s really hard to unlearn!” He let go of her hand, throwing his up in the air. “What’s that saying? Two steps forward, one step back? It’s annoying.”

“I think it’s really normal,” said Connie, reaching out and booping him on the nose. He giggled. Sure enough, the painful feeling from earlier was already starting to fade, all the less powerful for having been shared but not ruminated on. It was a balance he worked at with every counseling visit. More and more often, he was getting better at it.

“And I think it’s amazing you’ve worked so hard. I can tell you have, Steven. You just seem… like you again. Maybe it’s a you that’s still figuring things out, but I am too,” said Connie. “It’s not like I know everything about what I want to do. There’s my classes now, which college to pick, my driving exam… and how much time I want to spend in space in the future versus if I want a career that’s more Earth-based… there’s a lot to think about!”

Steven kissed her on the cheek, then wiped off a bit of dirt that had gotten on her nose. “I know it’s hard to choose -- oh man, do I know -- but I hope you know you can do anything you want, Connie. You’re so smart, and you work so hard. Whatever you pick, you’ll be incredible.” She flushed, but didn’t contradict him. “And if you ever want to practice driving the Dondai, I’ll go with you any time. I know you’ll pass it. Stevonnie was a great driver even when we were kids, so I’m sure you’ll do great.”

She poked him in the side. “Yeah, but it’s a little different when someone’s grading you on it. And I think the racing moves Stevonnie’s so good at are a little frowned upon in the driving test.”

“The test wasn’t bad at all,” said Steven. “I got dinged on a couple things, but they still passed me. Turns out parallel parking is crazy hard when you’re used to parking on an entire beach…”

“Dork,” said Connie, smirking.

“Guilty.”

“You know, we’re not doing a very good job with the plants, Steven,” she said, glancing around them.

“Someone’s very distracting,” said Steven, halfheartedly picking up his watering can. “You’re just really good to talk to, and super cute, and you smell really nice --”

“Such a dork!” She went to pick up a trowel, but sighed. “Dang it, you’re really distracting too. Your hair’s doing this extra curly thing where it’s sticking up in the back and it’s adorable, and I keep just wanting to touch you and hold your hand --”

“Hey, I have an idea,” said Steven shyly, an idea occurring to him. “I know a way we could be a little more productive.”

“You better not tell me to go home already, Universe,” Connie said, raising an eyebrow. “I thought I was supposed to go to lunch with you and your dad and the Gems later.”

“What do you take me for, Maheswaren?” he scoffed. “No. I was thinking --” He stepped backward, leaving a little space between them, and held out his hand. “I bet Stevonnie could focus more.”

She grinned, blinking rapidly, her eyes a little too bright. He knew how she felt -- hopeful, eager, excited -- and a little nervous. “Are you sure?” she asked. “I mean -- we haven’t since….”

He took a deep breath. “Since before I broke down? I know. But I think… I think I feel enough like me now that I want to try, if you do.”

Her grin deepened into a fierce, blazing expression, the type of expression that said she would take on the world. He loved that look. “Then let’s dance.”

Their dance was slow at first, the steps a little fumbling, out of practice. For a moment, Steven’s eagerness shifted into worry. Maybe he wasn’t ready after all. Maybe he still wasn’t enough of himself to fuse. Maybe --

But Connie’s dancing was so joyful, so familiar, that his worry slipped away. It’s okay. I’m me. We’re us. A lightness filled him, a happiness so intense his eyes pricked. He took her hand in his, and together they whirled, they spun, they fused --

Stevonnie laughed, the sound ringing throughout the dome. It felt so good to be themselves again. “Yes!” they crowed. They felt so much different than they had the last time they had formed. That day, months ago, Stevonnie had felt unsettled and strange throughout. They had struggled to stay themselves in a way that hadn’t made sense, and they had only remained a few moments before Steven and Connie unfused. Now they understood why, and it was a relief to once more feel like Stevonnie, confident, relaxed, at ease.

They realized things felt a little different. “Ooh!” they said, reaching up to feel stubble on their cheeks. “Huh, might be a good look for me.” Stevonnie reached down to touch their toes, then stood up and stretched as tall as they could. Ahhh, that was nice.

Stevonnie glanced around the garden, noting how little work had been done this morning. Steven and Connie really were too much sometimes (only in the best way, of course). “Yeah, I think it’ll be a little easier not to be distracted this way.” They collected the watering can and the pruning shears.

Stevonnie hummed to themselves as they made their way through the rows of Steven’s garden, watering here, pruning the occasional dead branch there. A few plants needed some fertilizer, and Stevonnie sank their hands into the soil of each pot, relishing the feel of cool dirt against their fingertips. A breeze played through the open door of the conservatory, its touch blowing lightly through their hair. The morning sunlight streamed through the glass, brilliant, coruscating, lining the edges of the plants with golden light. Below them, Stevonnie could hear the surf breaking against the sand, wave after wave, the sound mingling with their humming.

Stevonnie finished with the gardening in an hour, much quicker than it would have taken Steven and Connie with all of their flirting. They wondered what the future held for them both: Connie’s schooling and future career, Steven’s Gem and human struggles and his improvements, this new layer to their friendship that had developed recently. So many changes, but good ones, they thought.

They looked around at the garden, feeling a warm sense of pride at how well it was doing. Steven and Connie had worked so hard to help this place become lush and beautiful. It had changed, too. No longer a sterile Gem structure, it was a true garden, vibrant and alive and growing.

Stevonnie sat down cross-legged in the middle of the conservatory, surrounded by greens and pinks and yellows, scents of jasmine and rose. The surf was steady in the background. Stevonnie closed their eyes, considering the future, and took a moment to breathe deeply.

They smiled, calm and serene. Maybe they didn’t have future vision, but the future seemed bright after all.

****

(Author’s note:

I had this rattling around in my drafts but was waiting until Prickly Pair aired to figure out what direction I wanted to go with it. WOW that episode was a gut punch, wasn’t it? So I felt I had to reimagine it in a much healthier setting since in these stories, Steven’s breakdown occurred earlier and he was willing to go to therapy. You can see he’s not 100% better — old fears and patterns slip through — but he’s social now and overall has a much better outlook.

I also thought it was important to spell out that dating wasn’t really possible until Steven had made significant improvements in his mental health, and that dating/relationships alone can’t save you from mental illness. They can help if there’s a solid foundation there, but you can’t jump into a relationship at your lowest point because your self is too wounded to be a good partner. So, this is set some months after Steven had been in therapy. They were very close before then but not officially dating yet, at least in these stories.)

#connverse #steven universe future #suf #steven universe #steven x connie #connie maheswaran #stevonnie #steven for therapy 2020 #fanfoolishness steven universe fic

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mooncleo · 4 years

Text

and we recover slowly, my love, but surely

Fandom: Harry Potter

Main Pairing: Ron Weasley/Hermione Granger/Harry Potter

Description: Ron, Harry, and Hermione live together after the war. It seems like the logical choice, and the next step into comfortable domesticity seems logical as well. They learn and they love and they heal and cope and live and it’s beautiful and painful and perfect.

Words: 6,893

Edited: Literally not at all sorry guys

Author’s Note: Good morning to everyone who did not ask!!! I’m gonna double post my fic for all of my two followers, whom I love and cherish very much 🥰🥰

I honestly was not expecting this fic to end up being ot3, that kinda took me by surprise. So did my 2k turning into almost 7k, that was a little bit of fun.

I’m going to try to put in a read more, if I fail PLEASE tell me I don’t want anyone to have to scroll through everything.

Read it on Ao3 here.

…

It was the cool quiet of the evenings that kept him from even entertaining the thought of returning to London. Nights at the Dursley’s had never been this calm, always filled with Aunt Petunia or Vernon’s yelling, Dudley’s taunts, or the rumbling of an empty stomach, sent to bed without a bite of the dinner that he helped to cook.

He never went to bed hungry anymore. It was one of his triggers, they found out one night when he’d spent all day working on one of his projects and forgotten to eat- laying in the dark with his stomach beginning to knaw on itself in protest had sent him spiralling nearly into a fully blown panic attack. The Dursley’s had fucked him up, for sure.

It was not long that they’d been living together in their little cottage that Harry made a joke about cupboards and beds. It was bound to come up eventually, but he had hoped, somehow, to put the ensuing conversation off forever.

Before they had even gotten into details, Hermione’s eyes had started to water in a way that made him, quite frankly, uncomfortable. “All these years, and we never even knew? You’ve gone home to them every summer! I knew they didn’t feed you very well, but God, Harry. I didn’t think it was this bad."

He could tell that Ron felt the same way, but he’d never been particularly good at expressing it. Instead, Harry got twice the usual serving at dinner, and Ron’s grip was tight around him when they settled down to watch a movie later.

The next day at breakfast, Hermione brought it up again. She’d started by trying to convince him to file a court case against them.

"It’s a serious case of child abuse, Harry. They were horrible to you, and they shouldn’t be able to get away with it.” That argument had not gone down well, as Harry had first denied that there was any child abuse involved, however horrible they’d been, and then added on that he had no idea where they’d ended up after the war. He also didn’t really ever want to see them again, though he left that part out. He had a feeling it might not help his case.

“Well, you should at least go to therapy. It might help you process what they put you through.” She held up a finger when she saw him going to argue and said, “Listen, even if you don’t think the Dursley’s abused you, I still think you should go to therapy. Don’t pretend you haven’t stopped sleeping because of the nightmares, Harry Potter, so help me God. I know what you look like when you’re well-rested and this isn’t it. Those bags under your eyes could carry our groceries. Actually, I think we should all go. It’s not as though you’re the only one who went through a year on the run in addition to all the other fun trauma that comes with war."

Ron was a little confused about what therapy was until they explained the concept to him and he shouted out, "Mind healers! Oh! Yeah, we have those.” This, thankfully, saved them from the ordeal of finding an either muggleborn or squib therapist so that they could talk about magic without being declared properly insane.

Harry had been apprehensive about going to anyone who could claim to fix his mental issues- in part because he was half in denial about those mental issues to begin with. Yes, he had trouble sleeping most nights because of nightmares. Yes, he felt guilty about every single death that had happened during the war. Yes, the Dursley’s had treated him horribly for all of his life. But everyone had nightmares because of the war, those deaths really were his fault because they were all fighting for him, and the Dursley’s just hadn’t liked him that much on account of his parents. The hate was mutual, after all.

It only took one session with his mind healer, Gertha, for him to begin to open up to the idea that maybe he was a little bit misguided. Gertha was an 80 year old witch with gray hair just beginning to pepper her bun, and she took no shit. Her age had given her the grace of being willing to properly fight him when he started to go into a spiral, and she had a dry wit that he appreciated. Halfway through the first time they met, he’d started talking about the war and how it was his fault. Her eagle-eyed stare had stopped him in his tracks, and he’d asked, “What?"

"Boy, you are taking on far too much responsibility here. You think all those people died just for you? You think the war wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t been around? No! Voldemort was coming back, with or without you- he would have found a way. And just because you were the face of the war, that does not make you the war. A rallying point does not control those who gather around it, it simply exists as a marker, a way to say ‘we are here.’ Those people did not die just for you, you hear me? They were going to fight either way. People don’t like to lay down and give up when their loves and lives are threatened."

At the time, he hadn’t believed a word she’d said, but he liked the way she said it. It wasn’t quite scolding, more disbelieving than anything else. She also had said that Voldemort was coming back with or without him, even without knowing about the horcruxes. He liked her wit and the easy way she had handled his self-pity. She reminded him a bit of Professor McGonagall, and that in and of itself was a recommendation to him.

He went back the next week, because she had told him to and he liked her. He felt lucky that he found someone he liked right away, because both Ron and Hermione didn’t like the first Healers they talked to. Hermione had not liked the bright, peppy young witch who was apparently entirely too optimistic. "Her office was covered in little paper flowers, as though she didn’t deal with grown adults. As soon as I mentioned the war she started patronising about how she felt there surely must have been a better option than fighting, like maybe talking. First of all, did she do literally any research before I walked into the room? Honestly, what if I had been just a mite more fragile? Or Harry?"

"Hey! I resemble that remark!” A pillow found its way through the air in the direction of his face.

“Don’t interrupt me when I’m ranting. Anyway, she was absolutely insane. 'Why did they have to fight?’ Because when another wizard throws a curse at you, you aren’t gonna just fucking stand there and take it! Good God, woman. I don’t know where she was during the war, but she clearly wasn’t paying any kind of attention to Britain. How did she even get her Healer’s license? Ridiculous.” Hermione took an angry sip of her tea and she and Harry both looked to Ron.

“Yeah, mine wasn’t as bad as all that. I just didn’t really think he had the type of vibe I’m looking for. Kinda reminded me of my dad, actually. Not really what I wanted.” After sympathetic nods from the other two, Ron turned towards the TV. “What are we planning on tonight?"

"Right! I forgot completely. The Princess Bride! The librarian was raving about it when I was checking it out, so hopefully it’ll be good.” As Ron was raised in a wizarding household, Harry hadn’t really had much of a childhood by way of movies, and Hermione’s parents had been very strict, the three of them had decided to work their way through iconic muggle films that they’d missed over the years. They’d all liked The Breakfast Club the week before, though they were postponing Star Wars from two weeks ago until they could get through the fight scenes without having semi-simultaneous panic attacks.

The Princess Bride was a hit, and Hermione liked it enough that she put the VHS on her to-buy list. They wanted to build up their own collection of movies that they liked for rewatching purposes. Hermione had argued that going to the Blockbuster and renting a movie was much more cost effective that just buying all of them outright, since they were trying to get through at least a movie a week. The boys had decided not to argue, as she tended to be right about most things (and was also managing their finances).

Three weeks later, Ron had found a mind healer he liked, and Hermione was still stuck. Ron never said much about the therapy sessions he went to, while Hermione preferred to rant after hers. “God, it’s like he wasn’t even listening! There has to be at least one healer out there that I can actually talk to with a modicum of intelligence."

Ron and Harry traded glances. Harry’s look was quizzical, Ron’s was certain. It seemed that Harry would be the one to say it, then. ”'Mione, do you think that there’s a chance that maybe you’re having trouble finding a therapist because you don’t want to give any of them the chance to help?“

She was quiet for a moment. "I mean. I had considered it, but. Well. None of them- well. I suppose I may not have been entirely fair with all them. Although I stand by everything I’ve said."

"Everything you’ve said? Your main complaint about the last one was that she wore a cardigan instead of doing warming charms on herself. You may want to rethink that, love.” Ron’s tone was gentle and amused. It was a good thing, because Harry was fairly certain she’d have bitten his head off if it’d been anything but.

“Oh. Yes, well. Maybe a tad.” She coloured as she admitted it, and then added, “It was a truly hideous cardigan, though."

"And warming charms are a rather simple.” Harry mimicked the arch way that Hermione said things of people she looked down on, a voice that only those close to her ever really got to hear. She never mocked people in polite company, but both Ron and Harry knew that she could be properly vicious when she felt like putting in effort. Ron laughed, and then Hermione did too, a second later. They descended into giggles for a few moments before subsiding.

“Really, though. Your main complaints about her were her clothing, and not the soundness of her advice. Maybe try a second session with her, and see if it was a one off? If the only thing you could come up with was an ugly sweater then she must have been rather on the nose about everything else."

"Hmmm. Maybe. She did seem reasonably intelligent, actually."

The matter was concluded for the night, and they all went off to bed. After a night of rest, Hermione felt comfortable admitting that, looking back, it was rather obvious that she had been searching for faults as an excuse not to have to be vulnerable around people she didn’t know very well.

The solution to this, according to her mind healer, would be to get to know each other before starting. Hermione raved about how intelligent the woman was when she got home, and Ron and Harry once again traded glances. They didn’t say anything, but they were glad to have been able to help her find someone she actually liked. Neither was surprised that she was happy so quickly. It had been clear to them, before, that she was searching for faults.

Their lives went on. Tuesdays became therapy days, and they’d all go out for ice cream afterwards. Eventually, Harry and Hermione ended up back in the workforce. Ron decided to stay home and take care of the house. (He referred to the two of them as his sugar parents, an idea that deeply offended Hermione. Harry thought it was hilarious.)

Harry had toyed with the idea of going on to become an auror like he’d thought he wanted when he was 15. It did not take him very long to decide that he’d only really come up with the idea in the first place because he’d supposed that his life’s purpose was fighting Voldemort, and the aurors could have given him a leg up in that. With as long as it had taken him to accept that his life had meaning beyond fighting and defeating a dark lord, he wasn’t going to give that up now.

They ended up spending the entire evening brainstorming when he brought up wanting to get a job. Even if he was never going to be an auror, he was still starting to get restless with all the free time they’d accrued living off the map together.

"You could be a- a- um, fuck, what’re they called. Bus driver!! That’s a job.” Hermione, rather drunk on her fourth glass of wine, had taken to suggesting whatever came to mind.

“I don’t drive, I’m gay."

"Mmmm, you’re just as bi as the rest of us, darling. I bet we could figure it out. Actually, you know what, we should probably get a car.” She was starting to light up the way she did when she had a goal, and Ron groaned loudly.

“God, I forgot we never even learned to drive. Do we have to? I can apparate half-decently, and so can Harry. We could just practice and then not drive."

At Hermione’s put-out look, Harry interjected. "I’ll put bus driver on the list, but I don’t know that we need to drive. Where are we going? Half the shit we eat we grow ourselves."

"That’s right! It’s sus- sustains- no, oh my god, I’m drunk- sustainsabilities. Fuck, I can’t speak. Sustainabilities. Yup, it’s sustainable! We’re helping the environment.” Hermione had, at some point during their conversation, migrated sideways so that she was leaning almost entirely on Harry.

“'Mione, you have to move. You gotta- lean on Ron, I have to pee.” She snorted and nuzzled slightly further into his chest.

“Hmmm, you do that."

A few seconds later, there were snores coming from her frame, and Harry looked over at Ron, who was shaking with silent laughter. "Don’t laugh, I have to pee! Help me move her."

Harry pushed at Hermione’s shoulder, and she flopped a little bit onto the back of the couch. Ron doubled over in another round of giggles, and Harry hissed, "Ron, I swear to god- if I start laughing I’m gonna piss! You gotta- oh my god- help!"

At this point, Harry had started laughing and tried to slip out from under his girlfriend. Instead of quietly moving her without waking her, she fell and glanced her head off the arm of the couch. A brief moment of panic ensued, in which Harry and Ron both tried to check on her at once, and only succeeded in bonking their heads together.

Ron was gasping through peals of laughter as he grabbed onto Harry to avoid falling off the couch. "Oh- oh shit, oh fuck, oh my god. Is- is she- fuck- is she okay? Harry, you fucking idiot, check her head."

"She’s fine, dipshit. Fuck, that could have been so bad, shit.” Harry had sobered for the moment that it took to remember the diagnostic spell to make sure that Hermione was actually okay, and upon confirmation he sank back into the humor of the situation.

“Goddamnit, I can’t believe that happened. Good god.” He wiped his eyes and then got up to actually use the bathroom.

“Don’t get a concussion in there, Harry, the last thing we need is two of them.” Ron called after him, and he responded with a one fingered salute in the general direction of his boyfriend. He heard Ron’s collapse against the couch as he closed the bathroom door.

It was as he was staring at the green tiling on the bathroom floor that he found himself reflecting on the fact that if that had happened a few months ago, it would have gone much worse. Any injuries sustained by the three of them were largely blind territory that brought back horrible memories for the worst of the months after the war. It was remarkable that they could laugh through it, now.

When he came out to stick his still slightly damp hands under Ron’s jumper, he found Ron and Hermione curled up together, softly snoring. He smiled and climbed onto their couch next to them, levitating a blanket over the three of them as he went. It was a good night.

The next morning, he woke up first. They’d ended up tangled closer together in sleep, but he was still on the edge and managed to slip out to start breakfast and find the paracetamol for the three of them.

Breakfast was quieter than usual, with lots of gestures and grunts when someone wanted something. Wine hangovers were no joke. Later in the day, they went out to the garden together to weed, and Hermione suggested gardening as a potential profession. Harry vetoed, with the reasoning that he got to do it enough at home.

Ron bounced off that logic to suggest Quidditch, and they had the first of what would end up as their two final options. The other was working as a professor, which Harry took a full week to warm up to the idea of.

“I don’t know, becoming a professor seems like kind of a big deal. First of all, you’re shaping students’ whole lives, and second of all wouldn’t I need, like, higher education?"

"Oooh, good point, actually. I believe you would need to get a mastery in the subject that you want to teach, which you can obtain by apprenticing under an expert in the field. I think that was in Hogwarts: A History? It might have come from somewhere else, I’m not sure. As for the other thing, I’ve seen you with kids, Harry. You’re brilliant. I don’t know that you even really need to worry about that quarter."

"Mate, it might be good for you to get a mastery, actually. They usually discuss them with seventh years at Hogwarts, so I don’t really know much about them. Charlie’s was how he got started in Romania, actually."

"Huh. That makes a lot of sense, actually. I always wondered if wizards had an equivalent to college, but I was a bit busy worrying about the dark wizard trying to kill me for most of my life, so I never got the chance to look it up.” Harry had actually considered asking McGonagall about it during his consultation on his future, but they’d started talking about Defense Against the Dark Arts exams before he could mention it.

“Harry, you should write McGonagall about it. She’s always looking for new teachers, and even if you don’t end up wanting to do it, she can give you advice on how to start looking for a mastery, which you’ll pretty much need for most jobs, anyway."

With that, they’d settled the matter. He wrote to McGonagall, and she replied promptly with an invitation to her office to discuss it in person.

McGonagall had taken Dumbldore’s old office. Harry had known that she would, as Headmistress, but it still shocked him a little to see the space decorated so differently. Minerva McGonagall was a practical woman, and as such had no need for random devices scattered about the room. He walls were lined with shelves full of books of many kinds, and her fire was roaring. She and Harry sat across from each other in matching armchairs that Harry swore must have had some kind of charm on them, because they were the most comfortable chairs he’d ever sat in.

"Professor-” Harry started, and then stopped. He wasn’t quite certain how to go about this meeting, on unfamiliar territory. She wasn’t quite his teacher anymore, and he didn’t know how to approach that.

“You can call me Minerva, Harry. You are no longer my student.” The way she said it was not unkind, but he still felt lightly chastised. “I believe you wanted to discuss how to proceed in finding a career in the wizarding world?"

"Um. Yes. Well. Minerva- hmmm, yeah that tastes strange. Minerva, I’ve been thinking that it would be a good idea to get myself back out into the world, starting with a job. Ron, Hermione, and I have been fine in our cottage, but sometimes it- I just feel like it’s time. I’m getting a bit restless, I think."

Minerva looked amused at his rambling. "I know how that feels. Did you know that after Elphinstone and I got married, I took a break from teaching?"

"Really?” Harry was genuinely surprised, because he couldn’t really imagine Minerva as a house wife.

“Yes, really. I took a year off to take care of our home and try my hand at being a stay at home wife. A year was about all I could stand, honestly. I ended up going back to teaching the following September, I was lucky enough that Albus had been unable to fill my position beyond a temporary professor. I loved our house and I loved spending time with my husband, but I found it difficult to be alone all day and trying to productively fill my days. I also missed my students with no small amount of fierceness."

"I definitely know how that feels. We have plenty of things to do but it’s so easy to get distracted without the structure of school."

"Hmm. Speaking of which, how much do you know about masteries, Harry? I know that you and your peers all missed our usual talks about them, but you are also living with one Hermione Granger, who I am sure knows a fair amount about them through the pure virtue of planning three years ahead at least at all times."

Minerva said it with humor and fondness in her voice, and Harry chuckled. "You’re not wrong. I know that it’s a bit like muggle college, and that it’s essentially an apprenticeship? I am a little bit confused about what one would do if they got to their mastery and found out that they’d picked something that they actually don’t like as much as they thought they did- for muggles they would just change their major, but if you’re working with one specific person because of their expertise in the subject that you’ve chosen, what do you do?"

"That’s a good point. Most students have at least an idea of what they want to do based on what classes they liked while they were in school, but many don’t. Towards the end of seventh year, we allow students to start trying out different concentrations. Many will start to work with teachers in subjects that they like to see if they like the subject as much as they think they do. If we don’t have anyone specializing in the subject that they are thinking of, we can, more often than not, find someone who is willing to allow them to tail their work for a week or so to see if that’s something they like. We encourage students to look into at least three different masteries so that they can fully explore their options. This helps most students decide where they’ll end up, but even if you get to where you want to be and then decide that it actually isn’t for you, it’s not nearly as difficult to try something new as it would seem."

"Good lord, that it a lot of information.” Minerva tilted her head slightly in acknowledgement. “So, if I start where I am now, without any weeks of tailing anyone and a bit beyond graduation, what do I do?"

"Well, I might suggest taking remedial courses for the year that you missed, to start. It might help some with the boredom that you were talking about earlier, and you are a bright young man. I have no doubt that you will find you can complete the courses in far less time than it would take you to complete a full school year. We thought about offering students an option to complete an extra 'eighth’ year, but ultimately decided to keep Hogwarts at its usual seven years, and instead look into alternate options for them to finish. That September, most of our older students weren’t ready to return to the school anyway. War takes its tolls."

"Isn’t that just ridiculously true? We were all wrecks for months, rather a bit. In the end Hermione pushed us to start going to therapy, and that helped loads. As for the completing the courses, I think that’s a good idea- I could probably do them with Hermione and Ron, Hermione’s been trying to figure out the logistics of finishing seventh year since it occurred to her that we never did, nevermind the fact that she’s performing spells of that level since fifth year."

"I’ve been trying to remember that that is a letter I need to send out to everyone, though I keep forgetting. Even this far down the line, we’re still working through castle repairs and damages. There is always so much to do… well, that’s no excuse for slacking, regardless. I’ll have to add it to the list."

She pulled out a piece of parchment from seemingly nowhere, and began to write on it with a quill also pulled from the ether.

Harry was deservedly very impressed. "That was awesome, professor- what spell was that?"

"I am no longer your professor, Harry. That is a useful little spell Filius taught me… "

Their visit went on, with Minerva imparting far too much wisdom for Harry to ever be able to remember it all. They discussed a wide variety of topics, and McGonagall seriously considered all of the options that he had looked into, and was a particular fan of the quidditch idea. "Even if you don’t end up doing it as a career, it’s an excellent way to stay in shape. Far too many of my students simply stop playing when they decide on an office job, such a shame, and so much wasted potential as well."

That particular comment sparked a long discussion about the merits of playing quidditch recreationally, which led to them talking about the professor’s league at the school. Harry was shocked that he hadn’t known about it as a student, had never heard it mentioned, and Minerva laughed at him for it. Apparently there were many secrets of the staff and school that students didn’t know about.

When he left with several biscuits tucked away in a container for travel to bring to Ron and Hermione, he felt better. He was almost entirely decided on what to do for his apprenticeship, and he had a solid plan for his next few years. After the uncertainty of being on the run for a year combined with the certainty that he wouldn’t live past 17, it felt good to know what he was going to do, and additionally know that it had nothing to do with dark wizards. It was rare for him to be anything resembling normal.

Ron and Hermione listened animatedly to his recollection of the meeting. Hermione was especially delighted to find that they’d have a way to complete their schooling, while Ron was relieved that it was from home. "Gotta be honest, I don’t want to go back to Hogwarts. It’s lovely, and in a special way it will always be home, but I think there are a tad too many memories lurking around corners for me to be completely comfortable there ever again."

Harry nodded, though he wasn’t entirely certain he agreed. It was something he’d not considered, the memories contained within the school’s walls. Hogwarts was his home, and it likely would always be in his mind, the first place that he ever truly felt comfortable. But with how bad his PTSD had been, and still was on occasion, would he be able to live there? Walk its halls the way he had as a child? He wasn’t sure.

They started their schooling a month, later, when it became widely available. The three of them were in some of the same core classes, as they’d always been, but they were all taking different paths and therefore most of the time they spent with papers spread out around them at the dinner table that they never ate at were for actual working, not talking.

Ron was taking only what interested him, just enough courses to be able to get his degree. He tended to finish his work before the other three, and would go kiss the top of their heads as he got up to go start dinner. Hermione had taken as many courses as she could fit, as always. It was almost worse than third year, because the courses weren’t held in person. She had taken that to mean that if she could find the time for it in her personal schedule, she could fit it in.

Ron and Harry had talked her down from taking all available courses. She’d ended up with a fairly large courseload regardless, but that was to be expected.

Harry was, as ever, in the middle. He found himself with a courseload he was happy with, a few extra classes that he thought could be interesting, but not so many that he was constantly doing work. That worked out well for him, because he’d taken an herbology elective having to do with the growing of potions ingredients in the wild. It turned out that understanding the ingredients in a deeper sense than just their names was immensely helpful for potions. He’d never been doing better in a potions class without cheating, and he’d also begun to actually understand some of the notes Snape had left in the margins of the stolen book.

They got through their class work and watched movies and made tea and went for walks and before they knew it, the holiday season was upon them. Their classes all had breaks for Christmas, and they took full advantage of that time.

"What d'you think we should get Molly this year?” Harry through the question out from his position on the couch, draped across Ron and Hermione’s laps.

“That’s gotta be some sign of adulthood, having to give your parents Christmas gifts.” Ron’s fingers paused their carding through his hair as he digested the question, and then he resumed. “I bet she’d like some of that cleaner we saw the other day, the one that changes scent."

"Oooooh, good point. I was thinking maybe some new knitting patterns, actually- I found a bunch in the clearance section in the bookshop we went to the other day.” Hermione started diligently scribbling on the parchment in front of her under the “parents” section of her well-organized christmas shopping/gift ideas list. She turned to her boys to say something more, but as she opened her mouth the tinny sound o a timer going off filled the room “That;s your turn done then, Harry. Scoot."

"Awww, but I’m so comfortable, 'Mione.” Harry pleaded to Hermione’s uncaring eyes as he heaved himself upwards out of Ron’s lap. Ron scooted down the couch to take Hermione’s place as she laid down to replace Harry.

“Mhmmm. Well, it’s my turn to be comfortable.” Harry’s fingers found their way to her hair as her quill and parchment floated in the air by her head. “Alright, where was I? Okay. Ummmm, right! Under Molly, I want: "knitting needles, pattern books, and scent changing cleaning spray."

The quill started scratching across the page as Hermione explained, "The other day over tea she mentioned to me that she hadn’t a good way to organize her needles, and usually has so many projects going that half the time she doesn’t know which ones are already in use and which aren’t. I think we should get her a new set so that she can have doubles AND an organizing system. I’m sure if we look hard enough we can find a case that has an extension charm on it, or we can do one ourselves."

Ron looked down at Hermione with a smile on his face. "Brilliant. Alright, who’s next?"

Harry glanced at the parchment hanging in the air to see which space was blank. "Looks like we don’t have anything for Ginny, which should be easy enough. She was complaining about her broom the other day, but I know she likes the model too well to want a new one. I was thinking a broom servicing kit?”

The evening went on like that, and they eventually had at least a rough sketch of what they would be looking for when they went out to do Christmas shopping. They found a fair amount of the things actually on the list, and were able to get suitable substitutes where they couldn’t.

Their Christmas plans were this: they spent Christmas Eve at Hermione’s aunt’s house. She explained to them that her mother’s siblings had a rotation going, and that next year the three of them would likely be required to come to her parents’ aid with hosting. Her family was surprisingly large, and she told them that they tended not to gather for anything other than holidays. She never talked about them because there weren’t any other wizards in the family.

They found out that this was not actually true on Christmas Eve, when Ron walked in on one of the cousins changing her kid’s diaper with a spell. It was a rather awkward conversation, while Ron tried to explain that he was a wizard and she tried to obliviate him. Eventually, the truth came out: her cousins were American, and hadn’t been particularly affected by the war. They, in all honesty, had been remarking to each other all night that Harry looked oddly familiar to them, but had been unable to parse out exactly what it was.

They ended up setting up a lunch date for all of them for later that week before they apparated back to Minnesota. The cousins were very excited to find that there was another wizard in the family, and Hermione was similarly vibrating.

“I can’t believe, all this time, and I didn’t even know! I knew it would make sense that some of my relatives would be magical, but I didn’t think it would actually happen. I obviously wasn’t going to sniff around and risk them finding out just to see if they really were muggles or not. Oh my goodness, this is amazing. I wonder what schooling looks like in America? I mean, I know the basic principles, of course, but I would love specifics. It’s such a big country, and Ilvermorny is the main school that we hear of, but I’m certain they wouldn’t have travelled that far just for school, that doesn’t make sense, does it?"

”'Mione, we’re having lunch with them later this week. I’m sure they’ll be happy enough to answer your questions. We certainly don’t know the answers.“

Ron nodded as he hoisted the backpack holding their gifts in it higher on his shoulders. They were walking to the closest apparition point. According to Harry, who was using google maps, they were about 5 minutes away.

"Turn left here. For tonight we should just focus on trying to get ourselves home, I think. Did we end up finishing the wrapping for tomorrow?"

"Oh shit, I forgot, actually. We ran out of wrapping paper. We only have a few left, but still. Should we find a Tesco and stop in? It’s not too late, is it?"

"They’re open til 10.” Ron stopped walking for a moment to consult his watch on the time, which read out 9:37 p.m.

“Alright, let’s go then."

The tesco had one roll of wrapping paper with lumberjack Santa Claus’s dancing across it with axes. They were not literally dancing of course- there was a Tesco in London with a wizard section where they might have found something similar, but they hadn’t the time to go to it.

The next day, George refolded his "hot santa claus” wrapping paper into a hat and wore it all through dinner. Molly was too happy that he was smiling to scold him about it, although she did have to excuse herself at one point. When Harry came in to check on her, she was crying lightly into a handkerchief.

“Oh, don’t worry about me, dear. I’ll be alright- he just- oh, for the love of- he looks very much like his brother.” She blew her nose and took a deep breath. A weak smile graced her face as she looked up at Harry. “It’s hard, still. It’s been getting better, but- well, I didn’t think they could even survive without each other. I used to look at the two of them, always together, always finishing each other’s sentences, and think, god, they’re just like my brother’s, and oh, thank goodness they’ll never have to be apart. I just- I just wish I’d been right.” Her voice broke a little bit on the last word, and she started dabbing at her eyes again.

“I know. I remember in school, they were always together. No one thought they should ever be apart, but. I don’t know. George is doing- not well, but- he’s surviving. That’s all we can ask of him. That’s all we can ask of any of us, really. I think he’s being happy in Fred’s memory, instead of in spite of it, you know?"

"Oh, I know, dear, I know. It’s just difficult. I’ll get over myself, I just needed a moment. I love seeing him smile again, it’s like Fred’s back, just for a little. Fetch me a glass of water?"

Harry nodded and swiftly vacated the room. Even after all his therapy, he was still shit with emotions. He found Arthur and informed him of the situation, sending him back to his wife with the water she requested. He knew that was the right decision when he saw Molly again, tears dried, laughing at something Arthur was saying. Her arm was laced through his, a glass of wine in her hand as she leaned against him on the couch.

He took a minute to reflect that he rarely saw Molly so relaxed, and especially not since the war. He was glad that they’d healed enough at this point that they could, at the very least, enjoy Christmas. His musing were interrupted when Ron came up to him from behind and hugged him. "We’re going to play pick-up, you’re on my team. Ginny’s pissed about it, come on."

He turned into his boyfriend with a smile on his face and give him a peck. "Excellent, let’s go crush her."

Ginny, who was training to be a professional quidditch player, soundly kicked their asses. George and Bill helped too.

As punishment for losing, Ron, Harry, and Charlie went skinny dipping into the pond on the property, but ended up just getting everyone else wet until they all went swimming together, whooping and laughing.

It was a good night, and Harry woke up sandwiched between Ron and Hermione. He was content to lay there and wait for them to wake up, listening to their breathing and looking at the rise and fall of their chests. They were here, and they’d made it through- he hadn’t thought they would. In the deepest recesses of his mind, he’d done out the math and he had been so certain that they wouldn’t make it through the war all together- something would have to give. Thank god he was wrong, pseudo death or no. He wanted to be nowhere else than where he was, listening to the Weasley household wake up on a Christmas morning.

They all got up eventually, slowly stumbling their way into the kitchen as the lure of coffee and sausages called to them. Mrs. Weasley seemed happy to have all of her birds back in the nest. Percy kissed her cheek as he left for work, the only one who hadn’t been able to get the day off. The rest of them sat down to eat.

Overall, it was one of the best Christmases he’d had in a long time, one of the few that he’d truly been able to enjoy. It was reminiscent of some of his first Christmases at Hogwarts, the first ones that he’d ever known what it was like to get presents that weren’t hand-me-downs or worthless garbage.

He thought about that feeling of being new to a world of literal magic, and the fact that the most magical part of it all had been that he’d had an out, that he’d been able to get far away from the Dursleys for 9 months. He liked this feeling better. Contentedly settled into his skin, with a wide and bright future set out in front of him. He couldn’t help but think that just maybe, there was nowhere better to be.

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winryofresembool · 4 years

Text

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 11

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: Domestic moments, part 1

A/N: This chapter is the beginning of a few chapters long 'arc' where Leo and Calypso mainly just do domestic things such as cooking while they learn to know each other better. I know, why several chapters about cooking? Because I can, and because I wanted some fluff before some angst ensues (yes, some of that is coming soon too).

I hope you guys enjoy, and remember that I love hearing what you think!!

Characters in this ch: Calypso, Leo

Words: 2277

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / next chapter / AO3

Calypso often ate at the university cafeteria instead of her flat whenever Annabeth, Piper or some acquaintances from her history lectures joined her, but today everyone had been busy and she decided to make something herself. She quite enjoyed cooking but it was different to cook just for yourself compared to a bigger group of people. The packages grocery stores sold were often huge and eating the same leftovers several days in a row wasn’t something Calypso wanted to do constantly. This time, though, she considered asking Leo to join her. There was one ‘but’, though.

After the ‘therapy session’ and meeting Jo and Georgina, Calypso had felt a bit weird near Leo, but she didn’t understand - or want to acknowledge - why. She definitely didn’t hate him anymore, having realized there was much more under that snarky and carefree cover than what she had first thought. But she found herself wanting to avoid talking to him, a change that hadn’t been left unnoticed by Leo, who had tried to start a conversation with her several times in the past few days and only gotten short answers before she had come up with some excuse to leave.

What Calypso didn’t want to admit to herself was that the butterflies that she felt in her stomach when near this boy were all too familiar to her. Back when she had done online dating, because there was no way her dad would have let her go on actual dates on her own, she found herself crushing quite easily on the guys she chatted with, only to get disappointed each and every time. The last time had probably been the hardest. The guy, Percy, had genuinely seemed nice, respectful, and caring. They had even managed to organize a short meeting behind Calypso’s dad’s back, only for Percy to tell her that he was sorry but he had started realizing that he had feelings for a long time friend. Calypso did appreciate the honesty but she wished that Percy would have realized that a bit earlier instead of giving her false hope. After that experience she had quit online dating and decided that she would not let herself get hurt again. Especially not by her new flatmate. Things would get really awkward if they… no, she didn’t want to let herself even consider that option.

However, she didn’t think her avoidance tactic was working so the second best option was to simply try to get used to being as neutral as possible in Leo’s company. That’s why she finally decided to brace herself and ask Leo to join her for her cooking session. Knocking on his door, she shouted: “Valdez!” and soon it opened, revealing Leo in his work attire (oily overalls and grease on his cheek. See, Calypso, not attractive at all, she tried to tell herself). He gave her his annoying (cute) trademark lopsided grin and for one - just one - second Calypso forgot what she was supposed to ask him. When he continued looking at her questioningly, she finally blurted: “wannacomecookwithme?”

Leo’s eyebrows disappeared under his curly fringe.“What? Sorry, Sunshine, I have many talents but gibberish isn’t one of them.”

“Uh, would you want to come and cook with me? Also, why do you call me Sunshine?” she managed to ask a bit slower, blushing of embarrassment.

“Oh, I thought you usually eat at the university. But since you asked… I have to finish this one part before I can have a break,” Leo gestured at the stereos he was fixing. “But if you help me, I’ll get it done faster and then we can cook. And about that nickname,” he added cheekily, “clearly it’s because your presence warms me up like the sun.”

Calypso wasn’t sure if she should feel honored or offended. “Don’t try to mess with me, Valdez. That won’t work. But fine, I can help you as long as you don’t say things like that again.”

“Not sure I can promise that.” Leo waggled his eyebrows, causing Calypso to roll her eyes. “But I can try.”

“So…” Calypso said, starting to inspect Leo’s room. She hadn’t seen it that closely before, and she had to admit she was kind of curious. As she had expected, Leo wasn’t the cleanest of people. Sure, he had made his bed, and there wasn’t dirty laundry on the floor like she had half expected, but his but the area surrounding his workbench was a mess. The waste bin was overflowing with abandoned blueprints (some of them on the floor), there were bolts, nuts and nails everywhere Calypso turned her eyes to, and an oil stain on the floor that Leo had tried to rub clean but failed. “What can I do?”

“Uh,” Leo rubbed the back of his head. “My floor could probably use some cleaning. Can’t have Festus eat any of those.” He pointed at the fallen parts.

“When is he coming here again?” Calypso asked as she started picking up the nails.

“Not quite sure yet but Jo and Emmie are planning to visit a friend in another state soon so he needs someone to look after him while they’re gone.” Leo shrugged.

“Good to know. You know, I’d like to learn to know him better.”

“Oh? You would?” Leo asked, surprised.

“I’ve never had a lot of animals around me but I think I’d learn to like them if I spent some time with them,” Calypso confessed.

“In that case, it’s a date!” Leo said happily, not noticing that Calypso’s face went red because he was busy with his work.

“It’s a… what?”

Leo must have realized he had said something weird because his ears also started burning. “I… I meant with you and Festus, of course! You’re allowed to hang out with him as much as you want.”

“Right. Of course.” Calypso nodded, trying to look as calm as possible. Why was this so hard, she cursed to herself. They were only talking about Leo’s dog and even that seemed to make her act weird.

“Can I ask you something?” she broke the silence after a while. “What kind of food do you like?”

The question seemed to amuse Leo. “To be honest, all kinds. But I eat a lot of Mexican food that my mum used to make us. You know, the basics. Tacos, enchiladas, quesadillas, nachos… I love it all.

“Then you’re in luck because I was thinking of making tacos,” Calypso said, not taking her eyes off of the items she was picking.

“I like the sound of that!” Leo nodded approvingly. “I’m a taco sauce pro, just sayin’.”

“Is that so?” Calypso asked. “You’d better be good because I don’t eat just any taco sauce.”

“Picky one, are you? Well, don’t worry because Leo Valdez’ sauce supreme has been approved even by the principal of our university,” Leo said smugly.

“The what?” Calypso wasn’t sure if she had heard correctly.

“The principal,” Leo repeated. “He happens to be my friend Jason’s father. Jason and he don’t really communicate that much but the only time he visited us here in this flat I happened to be making tacos and of course he wanted to get to taste them, because who wouldn’t… and he didn’t hate them so it was definitely a win.”

“Oh. I see,” Calypso replied, unsure if she should be amused or not.

“But hey, in the name of solidarity, since we’re making Mexican food you could add something Greek into the mix so you won't be completely overshadowed by my awesome-sauce,” Leo said.

“Such confidence. You must be incredible,” Calypso said sarcastically and half expected Leo to say something like ‘heck yeah I am’ in return, but instead she noticed his smile had started fading a bit. Maybe, a thought occurred to her, he really wasn’t as confident as he made himself sound. Maybe the humor was his way to hide something. But what, she didn’t know yet.

“That’s what they say,” he finally answered but Calypso thought that if you paid attention to his tone he really didn’t sound as enthusiastic as a moment before.

“Truth to be told, I’m not that amazing at cooking Greek food,” Calypso admitted. “My mum and dad got separated around the time we moved to the USA and dad mostly ordered takeaway to our home, but I do know the basics. A Greek salad would be fine, right?”

Leo still seemed a bit distracted. “Uh. Oh. Right.”

“Okay, it’s a deal then.” Trying to think of something that would get Leo back to the usual cheerful self, she asked then: “Hey, do you think we could invite Piper and Jason over? I may have bought too many ingredients again so some extra eating help wouldn’t hurt. And I’d like to meet this Jason who used to live in my room.”

Leo seemed relieved by the change of topic. “Sure! Although you might regret it because Jason is quite a gluttony. He’s a decathlete so he spends his days practicing and he’s hungry a lot…”

“I think we can handle that,” Calypso laughed.

Leo claimed that the reason why the stereos he was trying to fix were not working was because someone had poured a drink on them at a party. Apparently he was very tempted to make them play ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ by Rick Astley nonstop instead of the songs the owner wanted to hear (“You can do that?” Calypso asked with surprise). Luckily, she managed to talk him out of it.

Calypso didn’t understand that much about the inner mechanics of the stereos so she was mainly giving Leo the tools he wanted while he worked, but she did find it pretty fascinating to watch. Leo was so different when he was working on his projects. He was more focused. Calmer (yet still fast and effective). He knew exactly what he needed to do and where everything went, and it all seemed so effortless, even though Calypso knew it was actually way more complicated than it seemed. In a way his determination to finish his project reminded her of herself when she decided to finish a piece of clothing or a carpet or whatever she wanted to make to forget…

Yet again Calypso started wondering what exactly Leo was hiding from her. She hoped that one day they’d trust each other enough that he’d be able to open up… and maybe she’d be able to open up too.

“Okay! Done!” Leo exclaimed, snapping Calypso out of her thoughts. He seemed happy about the result despite saying: “I still think these would be better with some Rick Astley, though.”

“I have to make a mental note to never break any of my machines if that’s how you want to treat them,” Calypso said.

“Trust me, the owner of these guys would deserve it. He’s an ass, I dunno how he made it to the university when his main goal is to throw parties every night.”

“And have you ever been to any of those parties?” Calypso asked, remembering Jo’s vague hints about Leo’s earlier bad habits.

“Once. It was not worth it. The chicks were pretty,” he noticed Calypso’s expression so he decided to change his approach, “uh, but it isn’t fun to be the only sober one there.”

“So, you don’t drink?” Calypso asked, not wanting to sound like she knew more than she should. “Not that it’s any of my business…”

“No, not anymore,” Leo admitted. “I… had it kinda rough before I moved to Jo and Emmie’s and I promised them I wouldn’t… And it’s a promise I am planning to keep. Besides, my ADHD and alcohol don’t mix well.”

Calypso realized it was the first time he mentioned his ADHD, which confirmed what she had already suspected. “Yeah. I understand. I don’t really care about that stuff myself.”

“Then I guess there’ll be two sober ones in case we ever go to a party together.” Leo smiled at her, but it wasn’t the usual mischievous grin, instead a much softer one. Calypso felt something weird in her stomach and a sudden urge to get any kind of physical contact with him, take his hand, touch his shoulder, that smudge on his face…

She had to shake his head to get rid of those thoughts, and that seemed to burst the weird bubble that had developed between them. Leo noticed it too, so he quickly said: “Um, I think we should test that this works. Don’t want Mr. Douche… I mean Dion to complain that I did a bad job.”

“Right,” Calypso said. “Anyway, I should probably go and get things prepared for the dinner. Will you contact Piper and Jason?”

“Will do. Any background music wishes?” Leo asked when Calypso was already out of the room.

“Anything as long as it’s not Never Gonna Give You Up,” Calypso joked, suddenly realizing that she had certainly started doing that more since moving in this flat.

“As you wish, Sunshine,” she heard the answer from Leo’s room. Soon a song she recognized from her childhood started playing. It was ‘Mermaid’ by a band called Train. She had loved all things sea related back then so it wasn’t a surprise that she was weirdly fond of that song too. Glad that Leo wasn’t seeing, she started jamming and humming the song quietly in the kitchen as she searched for the ingredients they’d be needing.

Thinking about the lyrics of the song, maybe her life really had started becoming more like a holiday lately. For various reasons, one of them possibly the curly haired mechanic next door.

#caleo #leo valdez #calypso #heroes of olympus #percy jackson and the olympians #trials of apollo #caleo uni au #my fics

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insanelycooljk · 4 years

Text

IF UR STILL DOIN THESE can i ask about your roleswap au? oR the evan is a compulsive liar one, whichever! @bandtrees

send me the title of one of my deh wips and I’ll share an excerpt/tell you a bit about it

(you can read my reply about the “maybe evan really IS a compulsive liar” one here)

Oh boy the roleswap au... honestly this is an idea I’ve had for a really long time that I kind of forgot about, but then Kayla’s jared dies! au inspired me to revisit it. In a suprise to absolutely no one lmao, there’s a whole lot of angst. Like, I’d kind of forgotten what the plot was, and when I went back and read over my notes for it the other day I made MYSELF cry. So uhhh, yeah, this one’s gonna hurt

The concept is very simple, and I’m sure has been done before, but basically Evan and Connor (and Jared and Zoe to an extent) swap roles. So Evan dies, and Connor writes a therapy letter which gets mistaken for Evan’s suicide note. On that, obviously trigger warning for suicide.

Alright so this wip still needs a lot of work because I’m still trying to narrow it down to a single cohesive plot and figure out how to keep it in character (for instance I just can’t see Connor forming the equivalent of The Connor Project and dragging out the lie to that extent) But, here’s what I’ve got at the moment!

The first day of school is almost identical to canon, so I won’t get into that, but Evan still had his attempt over the summer and hence has his broken arm. I mean yeah, maybe Evan’s dialogue is a little different because he’s struggling more with his depression, but I don’t see his second attempt as necessarily being planned. It’s more of an impromptu “finish what I started” decision he makes after having an awful first day back at school

The only real change from canon at this point is the letter. It’s a therapy assignment for Connor rather than Evan.

The scene where Evan prints his letter and Connor signs his cast is essentially the same as canon too, except obviously Connor is the one writing the letter. Evan is just in the library to print out some homework or something for school.

After they talk/Connor signs his cast, Evan goes over to the printer to grab his own thing, and sees the page underneath has “Dear Connor Murphy” written at the top. Evan assumes it’s Connor’s, so in an attempt to be nice, grabs it as well.

Aaaaand here’s where the angst really starts. Originally I was going to do a whole kleinphy thing by fully switching Zoe and Jared. But then I had an excellent (aka horrible) idea.

So Connor’s finished letter still follows the same format of Evan’s as [today was NOT an amazing day] [talking about Zoe/Jared] [sad shit].

Except here’s the thing. The morning was essentially the same as canon, which means Jared still made the awful school shooter joke. So sure, Connor mentions Jared in his letter, but he’s got nothing nice to say. As he’s venting about how today wasn’t an amazing day, he writes a few lines about how Jared is a fucking asshole and he can’t believe he ever thought that they could actually be friends.

... Yeah. I’m sure you can already guess how that is going to turn out :(

But the angst doesn’t stop there. Evan clearly isn’t going to see Jared’s name in Connor’s letter and freak out because he thinks Connor has a crush on him. That just... makes zero sense lmao. But you know what Evan might think when he sees Jared’s name? Especially after Jared was a dick to Evan at the start of the day?

That they’re making fun of him.

“D-did Jared put you up to this?”

“… What?”

“He… you’re making fun of me. Both of you.”

Connor can see Evan’s spiralling into some sort of panic attack, knows he probably shouldn’t push but he’s got no clue what the fuck Evan is talking about.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“That’s why you came to apologise and-, and why you signed my cast, you two are making fun of me.”

“What? I wasn’t-“

Evan’s not even listening, he just keeps talking like he can’t hear Connor at all.

“I can’t believe I thought you were being nice to me.” He chokes out a bitter laugh that sounds more like sob. “But no, it’s just one of Jared’s stupid jokes.”

Connor’s speechless. Has no clue what to say because this just makes no fucking sense at all.

Evan’s full-on hyperventilating now, taking these huge shuddering breaths. Connor’s kind of worried Evan might pass out on him if he doesn’t do something

“Evan hey, just breathe.”

“I’m sorry,” he gasps, finally making eye contact. “I-I have to, have to go.”

And then Evan runs out of the room because he’s definitely having a panic attack and he needs to get away.

Connor is just kind of standing there staring at the door, trying to figure out what the fuck just happened. Feels like shit because he was actually enjoying talking to Evan, but no somehow he managed to ruin it.

It takes Connor a minute before he realises Evan still has his letter. He calls out after Evan but he’s long gone.

Then we switch to Heidi’s POV. She gets a phone call while at work from Evan’s therapist’s office saying he never showed up to his appointment after school.

Heidi never forgives herself for this after the fact, but her first reaction is to feel kind of annoyed. She knew Evan didn’t want to go to his session today when she booked it, but she was just trying to do the right thing because she knows Evan always struggles starting back at school. Plus therapy costs money, they don’t exactly give you a refund/cancellation fee for not showing up, and they just can’t afford to be paying for therapy sessions Evan isn’t even attending right now.

She is a little concerned though. It’s not the first time Evan’s skipped an appointment, but he usually only does it if he’s had a particularly bad panic attack that day. But she isn’t worried enough to leave work early, which kills her later. Heidi wonders if she had of gone straight home if she could’ve been there quick enough.

I don’t want to go into this in too much detail, but I’m thinking Evan ODs. The tree thing didn’t work out last time so he figures he better try something else. He feels bad that this definitely couldn’t be interpretted as an accident like his fall was, but he just... doesn’t care anymore.

And god, Heidi finds him when she gets home from work, and somehow her being a nurse makes it so much worse because she knows it’s too late. Of course she still tries everything she can, and she kind of dissociates into work mode so she can put some of her panic aside, but she knows.

But... I don’t really want to write that because it’s too sad even for me lol. So the scene will probably just end with Heidi coming home and getting a bad feeling when she calls out to Evan and he doesn’t reply. It’s not the most out of character thing, because Heidi’s assuming he must have had a really bad panic attack since he ditched therapy, so he’s probably exhausted and having a sleep. But when she goes to Evan’s room to check on him her heart stops.

The next couple of days Connor mirrors Evan in canon. He’s getting antsy that Evan stole his letter and now hasn’t been at school.

I haven’t quite worked out what Zoe’s role will be yet, so I’m not sure if she’ll act as Connor’s sole confidant (like Jared is for Evan) or not. It’d make sense since Jared is kind of taking Zoe’s place, but I just don’t think it will work given the current state of her and Connor’s relationship. Either way, whether he told Zoe or not, Connor is getting really paranoid about Evan/the letter.

It’s been 3 days now since Evan took his letter and he’s still not at school.

Jared’s been away too, but he’s back today and is acting really fucking weird. He’s wearing like... a plain hoodie or something which is very unlike Jared, and he just looks really exhausted and has none of his usual arrogance. Plus he keeps staring at Connor and giving him these weird looks.

Connor’s so stressed about this stupid letter that he’s contemplating asking Jared where the hell Evan is, but he’s seriously freaking Connor out right now.

Before Connor has a chance to make up his mind about whether he should try to talk to Jared, he gets called to the principal’s office. And so the lie begins lmao.

But god... the amount of extra angst of NOT going the kleinphy route and instead having Connor write bad things about Jared in the letter is just... pure evil genius if I do say so myself

Like, imagine Jared’s parents going to see Heidi and do whatever they can to be there for her and make sure she’s ok, and Jared kind of numbly getting ready to go with them, only for his parents to explain that Heidi doesn’t exactly want to see him right now because of what Evan wrote in his note... ouch.

And god that just makes Jared sick to his stomach because what the hell did Evan say about him? And once he gets to actually read the “note” himself he really is sick.

And since his family is obviously very close with Heidi it really puts a strain on Jared’s relationship with his parents too, because they’re clearly extremely disappointed in him for doing whatever it was that made Evan write THAT

Just the whole Kleinman/Hansen dynamic would be so complicated. (but it will be fun to write!)

And oh boy... remember the amount of horrific hate Zoe recieved when Alana posted Evan’s letter online? Connor’s letter outright says something along of the lines of Jared is a fucking asshole/why did I ever think we could possibly be friends/etc. I haven’t worked out the exact wording yet because getting the letter right is just... so critical to the fic lol, but yeah if it gets posted online? yikes.

So anyway, that’s the roleswap au. I’m still working out the more specific plot details of this one, but I think it’s got some alright potential. There’s going to be a lot of tension between Jared and Connor as Jared struggles to decide whether or not he believes Connor, and as Connor finds it increasingly difficult to lie to Jared. Hmm you know on second thought maybe a kleinphy subplot doesn’t sound so bad 🤔 but just more of a slowburn angle which doesn’t start until after Evan dies... much to think about hahaha

I like to think Jared works out the truth on his own eventually, which leads to a gfy-esque fight. And whilst Zoe might take on Jared’s role in a way, Alana will be pretty much the same as she is in canon. Because for her it was always more about the message of the project than the actual person.

#tw suicide #deh reverse au #the jared connor tension is just so JXIJSIXHSKX #I WISH I had a decent excerpt to share #bc like I know EXACTLY how I want it to be I just... haven’t written it yet lmao #I’ve got a nice alana and jared scene I really like #and a connor and jared scene where they kind of have an uneasy truce for a moment #but idk if that scene will stay in the fic #but other than that I’ve barely written anything for this because its still very much a work in progress #in terms of figuring out the plot #zoe writes #deh #connor murphy #evan hansen #jared kleinman #heidi hansen #deh wips prompt #answered

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madpanda75 · 5 years

Note

Sonny for “You have something in your hair, umm… Do you want me to get it out?” Pretty please!!

Thank you so much for your request! I’m so sorry it took me forever to get out. I hope you like this! I enjoyed writing it ❤️

I apologize to anyone who is blonde and named Karen. Also it is my personal opinion that our germaphobe string bean has named his truck and carries various medications with him.

“Always Been You”

Sonny paced in front you with a serious expression on his face, his crystal blue gaze never leaving yours. You wondered if this was what it felt like when a criminal was being interrogated. Only rather than confessing where you hid the body, the lanky handsome detective was asking you practice questions for your sergeant’s exam.

You closed your eyes in concentration, searching your brain for the correct answer. “Is it……D,” you hesitantly said. “Such a procedure might involve liability for the department in the event persons re-occupying the space are injured.”

Your partner frowned and shook his head. You groaned in frustration, throwing your head back on the sofa. “I’m wrong, aren’t I? Why did I even tell Liv I was going to take the test. What the hell was I thinking? I can’t be a sergeant.”

A smile slowly spread across Sonny’s face. “Actually you’re right. I just like messin’ with ya’,” he teased with a wink.

“Sonny Carisi, I’m going to murder you!” You growled, hurling a pillow at his face.

He laughed and sat down next to you on the couch. “Ya’ know I think killin’ a fellow officer may not be the best idea a week before the exam. Just sayin’, it probably won’t bode well with NYPD.”

“Unless they don’t find the body,” you replied in a sing song voice. It was Friday night and you had been studying for hours with Sonny in his apartment. Taking the exam book from his hand, you stared down at the questions, all the words seemed to jumble together. At this point your brain was fried. You were even mumbling penal codes in your sleep. You tossed the book aside, leaning your head on your partner’s shoulder. “I don’t know about you, but I could use a break. Wanna get some ice cream and tequila?”

Sonny chuckled. “Ice cream, yes but let’s save the tequila for after you take the test.” He booped your nose with his index finger making you smile.

“Sounds like a plan. As long as I get sprinkles.” You stood up and stretched before moving to grab your coat.

“Sprinkles is a given,” he replied, following you to the door. “Just a long as you don’t get a peanut butter sundae. I don’t know how you can stomach those things. Grosses me out,” he cringed.

“You’re so weird,” you snorted a laugh and helped straighten his coat collar when Sonny’s cell began to buzz in his pocket. As he took out his phone, you could see the name “Karen” flash on the screen along with a picture of the blonde beauty who had the fakest smile known to man.

“Hold on a sec,” he mumbled to you before answering the phone. “Hey doll!” You internally rolled your eyes, listening to Sonny talk to his girlfriend. “Nah, I’m not busy. I was just helping Y/N study for her exam.”

You could overhear Karen’s voice dripping with disdain at the sound of your name. To say that there was animosity between you both was putting it mildly. You and Karen did not get along. You thought she was selfish and demanding. The world revolved around her. When Karen said jump, she expected Sonny to ask, how high. Based on the interactions you had witnessed, it was obvious she didn’t care about him. To her he was just a shiny new toy, one that she would kick to the curb as soon as she saw a sleeker model that she deemed worthy of her time. You knew if she dumped Sonny, you would be the one to pick up the pieces of your partner’s broken heart.

In addition to your contempt, there was also a green eyed monster lurking within. As much you hated to admit it, you were jealous of Karen. Sonny Carisi had been your partner since your first day at SVU. He took you under his wing, showing you the ropes and how the squad operated. It wasn’t too long ago when he was the new guy himself, he knew what it felt like to be in that position. As your partnership grew, so did your friendship. The two of you were inseparable, leaning on each other for support. When Sonny was nearly killed by Tom Cole, it was you that persuaded him to go to therapy. Likewise, when the grandmother who raised you suffered a massive stroke, Sonny was with you everyday in the hospital.

Over the years, your bond became stronger. You cherished your relationship with Sonny. You couldn’t imagine life without him. He had somehow stolen your heart. If only he would look at you the way he looked at Karen. Why couldn’t he see that the one person who loved him more than anything was standing right in front of him.

“Yeah, I’ll be right there. Give me 10 minutes.” Sonny hung up the phone, gifting you a sheepish look.

You crossed your arms, quirking an eyebrow at the detective. “Let me take a wild guess. Our study session is over.”

Sonny sighed. “I’m sorry. Karen needs me to pick her up. Her and her girlfriends got invited to an after hours club by this bartender.”

“Isn’t that what Ubers or taxis are for?” You asked, walking out of his apartment in a huff.

Sonny threw his hands up in the air, following you to the elevator. “C’mon, don’t be like that. Ya’ know how hard it is to get an Uber on a Friday night.”

“I know,” you mumbled, watching the numbers drop as the elevator continued its descent. You glanced sideways at him. “I just think you deserve better.”

He locked eyes with you and for a split second a look of sadness flashed across his face. It broke your heart. “You’re a good guy, Sonny.” You reached up and playfully ruffled his hair.

“Hey! Not the hair!” Sonny smiled and pulled you into a tight hug. “Thanks for looking out for me,” he softly said, kissing the crown of your head. All too soon, the elevator dinged announcing its arrival to the main floor.

After parting ways with Sonny, you stopped by the bodega on your street to pick up a pint of ice cream, figuring Ben and Jerry could help you study that night. You had made it all the way home when you realized you had forgotten your exam book back at Sonny’s place. Not wanting to wait until tomorrow to get your book back, you decided to head back out to his apartment, hoping he would be home by the time you got there.

Luckily just as you arrived, someone was entering his building allowing you to piggyback in. As you walked down the hall, you heard muffled sounds of shouting coming from Sonny’s door. You stood there frozen, knowing that you should leave rather than eavesdrop on your friend, but temptation got the better of you.

“I can’t believe you showed up with that truck, Sonny! What were you thinking?” Karen shouted. You clicked your tongue in disapproval. Karen hated Sonny’s truck, which you had affectionately nicknamed, Bubba.

“I thought I was going to go pick up my girlfriend. Instead I see ya’ practically giving the bartender a lap dance!” Sonny retorted, his Staten Island accent thicker with his rage.

“Give me a break!” Karen scoffed. “The bartender was just being friendly. I’ve known him since high school.”

“Friendly?! The guy was being smothered by your tits. That’s your idea of friendly?!” Sonny screamed. You could envision how he must have looked, a few strands of his perfectly gelled hair flopping onto his forehead, his sleeves rolled up, face red with a protruding vein throbbing in his neck.

“What about you and Y/N!?” Your ears perked up when you heard Karen mention your name.

Your jaw dropped. “Oh my God!” You silently mouthed, pressing your ear to the door.

“You leave her out of this,” Sonny growled. “She has nothing to do with this.”

“Oh yeah!? You don’t think I see how you look at her or how she looks at you? She’s all you ever talk about! It’s always, “Y/N this” and “Y/N that.” I can only imagine what you guys do during all those late night study sessions! You love her, not me! Just admit it!”

“That’s not fair! I’ve never-,” Sonny stammered.

“Save it, Sonny!” Karen interrupted. “You know what! I’m outta here! We’re done!” She abruptly opened the door to find you on the other side, practically stumbling into her arms. You were stunned by what you had just heard, your feet rooted to the spot on the floor. “He’s all yours!” She sneered, looking back at Sonny who was standing in the foyer. She pushed past you and walked away, leaving you and your partner to stand there in awkward silence.

Sonny placed his hands on his hips, his nostrils flaring, lips pursed, waiting for you to provide a reasonable explanation as to why you were there.

You shuffled your feet, looking anywhere but at the man in front of you. “Ummm….Half Baked?” You held up the now melted pint of ice cream, offering the dessert to your friend. In your opinion, ice cream seemed to resolve most matters in life, at least in yours it did, so it seemed like an appropriate albeit awkward gesture.

“What are ya’ doin’ here?” Sonny softly asked.

“I forgot my book,” you mumbled, playing with the hair tie around your wrist. He motioned for you to come inside, grabbing the exam book from the coffee table and handing it over to you.

“Thanks,” you held the book tight to your chest, completely clueless as to what to say to your best friend.

He crossed his arms, tilting his head as he looked you over. “So, how much of the fight did you hear?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “Maybe the last minute or two. Just a snippet really. I barely heard anything.”

Sonny arched his brow, he could always tell when you were lying. “Ok, I heard everything,” you confessed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overhear your fight, it just happened. Then I heard Karen say my name and I just didn’t know what to do so I stood there.” Standing in front of him, you could feel your cheeks getting redder by the minute. You threw your arms in the air, exasperated with the way the entire evening turned out. “I just wanted to study and eat some ice cream! I didn’t mean for all this drama to happen!”

Your partner squeezed his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose, waiting a long moment before answering. “I think maybe you should leave, Y/N.”

You bit your lip, feeling a lump form in your throat as you nodded your head and slowly made your way to the door. You held it together until you got home, unable to fight your tears anymore. In the span of a few hours, you had managed to lose your best friend, unsure if you would ever get him back.

In the blink of an eye, Monday had arrived. You spent the weekend eating one too many pints of Ben and Jerry’s and shedding countless tears. Fin watched as you walked into the precinct, dressed in a drab sweater and jeans, nursing a large coffee, your hair unruly, eyes puffy and red.

“Rough weekend?”

“Something like that,” you mumbled, plopping down at your desk and starting up your laptop.

Fin got up, moving to sit at the edge of your desk. “Where’s your partner? Normally you two get here around the same time.”

As if on cue, Sonny walked in. The detective lacked the usual spring in his step. He looked just as rough as you with dark bags under his eyes and scruff on his chin. “Mornin’,” he grumbled.

“Damn, Sonny. You look worse than Y/N. What the hell did you all do this weekend.” Fin’s eyes bounced between you and your partner. “Anything you guys wanna tell me?”

You and Sonny glanced at each other before you focused on your laptop screen. “No,” you softly said.

The sergeant sighed and shook his head. “Whatever, it’s your business.” He patted you on the shoulder as he walked away. “I’ve got good news and bad news. Noah has the chicken pox so Liv is going to be out for a few days.”

“So what’s the good news?” Sonny asked.

He turned around, a smirk firmly planted on his face. “I’m in charge.”

Work served as a welcome distraction from your personal life. You spent most of the day in the basement records room, sifting through cold case files you believed were linked to a string of recent rapes and murders. Although the basement was damp and dingy, you would rather be there than feet away from Sonny.

“This place is a mess,” you mumbled, getting on your hands and knees to get the last box which had been carelessly shoved on the back corner of a bottom shelf. You lugged the heavy box back to the makeshift work space you created, sneezing and sniffling, the mildew-laden basement affecting your allergies. When it came to your job, you threw yourself into your work, dedicating countless hours to every case, determined to seek justice and allow the voices of the victims to be heard.

Sonny walked downstairs, to find you elbows deep in a file, muttering to yourself. The night of the fight, Karen had hit the nail right on the head. Sonny did love you. It was as if the blindfold was pulled from his eyes and there you were. You were the one. The person who had captured his heart. Over the weekend, all he could think about was you, wondering if he should confess his feelings. But then there were those nagging fears that kept him up at night. What if you didn’t feel the same way? What if you had moved on?

Sonny cleared his throat to catch your attention but you didn’t respond, completely focused on the police report you were reading. “Hey,” he called out.

You glanced up from your work to see your partner standing in front of you. “Hey,” you replied before letting out a sneeze and rubbing your watery eyes.

He sat down next to you, pulling out of his pocket some allergy medication. “I figured you’d be down here sneezing and wheezing so I brought you these.”

You softly smiled and took the pills from him. “Thanks.”

Sonny watched as you drank some water to swallow down the medication, glancing around the room, trying to think of what to say. After years of being best friends and partners, the detective suddenly felt shy and nervous in your presence. “So….uh…how’s research coming?” He asked.

You shrugged your shoulders. “Good. I think I may have found the missing link that connects all of our victims.”

A smile tugged at his lips as he studied your appearance, your hair wild and coming loose out of its messy bun, a bit of dirt and dust smudged on your face. “Ya’ have somethin’ in your hair.”

“I do?” You felt around your head, trying to search for the object in question.

“Umm….do ya’ want me to get it out?”

You nodded your head as Sonny helped fish out the pen cap stuck in your hair. “Oh thanks. I was wondering where that had ran off to,” you replied, replacing the cap back on the pen you were using.

He reached into his pocket and handed you his handkerchief. “Ya’ also got some dust or something on your face.”

“Jeez, I’m a mess.” You grabbed a mirror out of your purse and graciously took the handkerchief, wiping your face clean. “Better?” You asked, looking up at Sonny.

“You’re perfect,” he softly said.

You blushed, turning back to your work when he reached for you, gingerly touching your arm.

“Look about Friday night, I-,” Sonny started before you interrupted him.

“Let’s just forget about it.” You waved him off, wanting to put the whole thing behind you.

He shook his head. “I can’t. Karen was right. She was right about everything. It’s you. It’s always been you.”

You stopped, your heart skipping a beat as you turned to face him. “What did you say?”

“I’m in love with you, Y/N. I was just too blind and stupid to see that. You’re the last person I think of before I fall asleep and the first person I want to see every mornin’. You’re everything to me.”

You let out a shaky breath, your eyes glossy with tears. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited to hear you say that?”

Sonny sighed and smiled brightly, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Really?”

“Yes! Sonny, I’ve been in love with you for years. You’re all I ever wanted. I just wish I would’ve said something sooner, but I was too scared.” You sniffled, looking down at your hands.

“Ya’ don’t have to be scared with me, doll.” He reached out and cupped your face. “Please, tell me I still have a chance with you.”

“Yes,” you softly said.

Stroking your cheek with his thumb, he moved his hand behind your neck, bringing you closer to him. His eyes glanced down at your mouth before looking back up to meet your gaze, silently pleading for permission to kiss you.

“Yes,” you repeated in a barely audible whisper, leaning forward. Your faces were so close, you could feel his hot breath on your skin.

The minute your lips met, the floodgates opened, years of pent up sexual tension finally being released. You sighed into the kiss, feeling Sonny’s tongue dart into your mouth, mingling with your own. Your lips began to fervently move against his, desperate to taste him, encouraging him.

Sonny groaned and tugged you onto his lap as his hands roamed your body, grabbing fistfuls of your flesh. He was overwhelmed, not knowing what part of you he wanted to touch first, all he knew in that moment was that he wanted you, all of you. His lips laid kisses across your cheek, until they found purchase on your pulse point.

“Oh Sonny,” you whimpered, grinding down against his clothed crotch. You turned your head to capture his mouth once more. Threading your fingers in his hair, you deepened the kiss, pulling him even closer to you when a familiar voice pierced the air.

“Y/L/N?” Amanda called out causing you both to jump.

“Yeah?” You timidly responded, panting hard from your brief makeout session.

“Is Carisi down there?”

“I’m here! I was just…uh…helping Y/N,” Sonny chimed in breathlessly.

“Well when y’all finish Fin needs you up here. Looks like our perp is willing to talk.”

“Yeah, I’ll be right there,�� he said with a smirk, staring at you like a hungry wolf does when they’re about to pounce on an innocent lamb. “Ya’ know, we have a problem.”

You nervously bit your lip. “What’s that?”

Sonny leaned forward, his lips ghosting over yours. “Well now that I’ve kissed you. I can’t seem to stop,” he purred.

“So don’t stop,” you whispered, closing the gap between you both and kissing him hard, playfully nipping at his bottom lip. After a couple more quick kisses, you grabbed your case files and followed him upstairs.

Amanda sat at her desk, doing a double take as you and Sonny entered the bullpen, “Something wrong, Rollins?” He asked, cocking his hip to the side.

She coughed, trying to cover up a laugh. “Nope! Everything’s fine. Fin was asking for you.”

Just then the sergeant walked out of one of the interrogation rooms, raising his eyebrows in surprise when he saw Sonny. “Ya’ know Carisi, that lipstick you’re sporting really doesn’t bring out the blue in your eyes. Why don’t you wash off your indiscretions and go interview our perp.”

You looked at your partner and gasped when you saw your berry lipstick smudged on his lips and chin. He turned beet red, trying to wipe the offending stains with his hand. “I’ll….uhhh..be right back,” he mumbled, making a beeline to the bathroom.

Biting your lip, you watched him walk away, paying close attention to his cute butt. “Damn, you could bounce a quarter off that ass.”

Amanda nearly spit out her water, laughing so hard she snorted while Fin gave you a disapproving look. “Did I say that out loud?” You cringed.

Fin nodded his head. “Eyes forward, young lady,” he reprimanded. “Don’t you have reports to get done?”

You saluted him and sat at your desk. “Yes sir. All work and no play.”

A few minutes later Sonny came back, his face freshly scrubbed and clean. He walked past your desk, catching your eye and winking at you as he walked into the interrogation room. You smiled, giggling a bit, your cheeks turning bright pink.

Fin witnessed your interaction and laughed to himself, shaking his head, “Man, I hate being in charge,” he muttered to himself. “It’s like babysitting a bunch of horny teenagers.”

@thatesparzacrush @southern-magnolia @glimmerglittergirl @eclecticminded @sweetcannolicarisi @obfuscateyummy @katmstanton @beltzboys2015-blog @letty-o @sonnysdoll @lyssa1385 @sweetsummertime99 @burningsorr0ws @gibbs274 @izzythefanfreak @riodallas @babypink224221 @amirightcounsellor @livxrafa @delia26

#sonny carisi #Dominick Carisi JR #sonny carisi imagine #sonny carisi fic #sonny carisi x reader #sonny carisi fanfic #sonny carisi fanfiction #carisi #carisi fic #carisi x reader #carisi imagine #law and order svu fic #law and order svu imagine

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jedifighterpilot2727 · 5 years

Text

The Rook Chapter 3

Alright, y'all, here it is! The grand finale!! (Though there may be an epilogue!)

I hope you enjoy!! (btw, comments and asks are my absolute life!)

The song for this is 'i hate u, i love u' by gnash ft. Olivia O'brien

Oh, by the way, I sobbed writing this, so tissues are recommended.

I Hate You (But I Love You)

She wakes on her office couch, the now empty bottle of Scotch beside her reminding her that her pounding head is her own fault. She refuses to open her eyes, even though the curtains are drawn and the room should be mostly dark.

She just wants to not think, about Kara, about Supergirl, about how stupid she was for not realizing that the woman she was in love with was hiding a whole identity from her.

So, she lays there, pondering how long she can put off getting up before someone interrupts her relative peace.

Turns out the answer is about five minutes before the door to her office swings open.

“Come on, up and at ‘em. Early bird gets the worm, yada yada yada.”

“Ugh, Jess, no.” Even behind her closed eyelids, she can tell when Jess flips the light on and she groans, throwing her arm over her eyes.

“Nope, none of that! Come on, busy day ahead.”

Lena groans again but complies, shifting into a sitting position and blinking until her eyes adjust enough that she can see the aspirin and bottle of gatorade that Jess is holding out for her. She takes them gratefully, swallowing the pills and following them with a long, slow sip of the neon colored drink.

“Gotta say, boss, the drunk on a work night look does not work on you.”

“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Good, cause we have a lot to do today.” She thrusts a small bag in Lena’s direction. “Here are some toiletries, there’s a dress that just came from back from dry cleaning in your closet, oh and be sure to wear some sunglasses to cover those bags under your eyes - I called the press so there’s going to be photographers.”

Lena looks up, pressing the cool bottle of gatorade to her forehead.

“Photographers? For what?”

“Oh, right, sorry, the plane for Metropolis leaves in . . . “ Jess checks her watch. “Two hours.”

“Metropolis? I’m not going to Metropolis!”

“Yes, you are, in two hours; so chop chop.”

“Jess, what are you doing?”

Much to her surprise, her assistant kneels down so she's at eye level.

“Look, Lena, you pay me a lot of money to know . . . well, everything. And we may not exactly be friends, but I care about you, and for the past few weeks you’ve been really . . . not yourself. And I’m not going to mention any names, but we both know why. You need some space, and you’re going to get it. For a month. In Metropolis.”

“A month?!”

“And, speaking of she who shall not be named, there’s quite a list of things that you’ve been meaning to do in Metropolis that you’ve been putting off because you didn’t want to leave her. Now is the perfect time to tie up all those loose ends. Plus, my mom has been begging me to come visit, so it works out great. Three birds, one stone.”

“You’re coming with me?”

“Of course, dummy, who else is going to keep you straight!” Jess frowns. “Well, not straight, cause you like the ladies, but you know what I mean. Now come on, we gotta go.”

Jess turns for the door, and Lena watches her, stunned for a moment before calling out.

“Hey, Jess?” she waits for Jess to look back at her before continuing. “Thanks.”

“No problem, boss. Oh, and you might wanna put your hair in a bun today, it looks kinda -“ She trails off, her hands making some sort of jazz hands gesture around her head that makes Lena laugh.

“Yeah, of course. Oh and Jess? Can you make sure the plane has some hashbrowns for the ride? Preferably smothered in gravy."

* - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Long story short, Jess is a genius.

For starters, the photos of Lena leaving her office and getting into the SUV for the airport are stunning. She looks hot, by any standard, regardless of the fact that the sunglasses covering her face are hiding blood shot eyes and there’s a gatorade and saltine crackers tucked into her purse. All that matters is that her wine colored dress has a plunging neckline and her matching lipstick is one of Kara’s favorite shades.

It doesn’t matter that she almost breaks down on the short ride to the airport, because the Page Six spread makes her look like she’s fine.

It’s a sort of evil satisfaction, knowing that Kara will see the photos and wonder why she’s so put together.

She only wishes she really was that put together, and that her heart didn’t feel like it was shattering into a million pieces as she watches National City fade from view out the plane window.

* - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Metropolis is . . . refreshing.

She doesn’t see Kara in her mind’s eye every time she walks down the street or steps into a restaurant. Everywhere isn’t tainted with the memory of the best friend she thought she knew like National City is. After a few days, she can actually breathe, she can actually exist for longer than an hour without thinking of Kara’s smile.

She works pretty much from the time her eyes open until the time she falls asleep; but the exhaustion is welcome. Jess was right, she did have a lot of things to take care of in Metropolis, which is why she’s surprised when Jess leaves a break in her schedule on a Tuesday afternoon.

“Jess?” She calls over the intercom. “What am I doing from 3-4?”

“Oh, sorry, I forgot to pencil it in. You have an appointment with Dr. Fowler.”

Lena frowns.

“A doctor’s appointment? It’s not time for my yearly.”

“Dr. Fowler is a psychiatrist.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Yeah, I scheduled you an appointment with her, thought it might help with your . . . girl problems.”

“Jess, I don’t need a psychiatrist.”

“Ok, boss, noted. but it’s already booked and paid for, so you might as well go this first time.”

Unfortunately, Lena can’t find the logic to argue with her.

* - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

She sits on the comfortable chair in Dr. Fowler’s office, staring down the woman across from her.

She seems, nice, for a psychiatrist.

Her shoulder length brown hair is tucked behind her ears, and her gray suit is non-threatening. She has a kind face, Lena thinks, unable to think of anything negative. Still, she refuses to cave, and fixes her eyes on the clock above Dr. Fowler’s head.

“My assistant made me this appointment.” She says for explanation. “I don’t really need therapy, so I’m sorry to waste your time.”

“I don’t mind.” Dr, Fowler smiles. “We can always just talk. No therapy needed. Are you from Metropolis?”

Lena debates answering her, but common manners win out.

“Well, mother was from Ireland, originally, but that’s . . . “

“A story for a therapist.” Dr. Fowler guesses, and Lena nods.

“That’s fine, we don’t have to talk about it. What brings you to Metropolis? Business? Pleasure?”

“Business.” Lena answers immediately, but guilt creeps up her spine, and she adjusts her answer. “Well, sort of. I live in National City, but . . . well, my assistant thought I could use a break from some people there so she scheduled me some time away. L-Corp has offices in both cities, so it’s convenient.”

“Ah, L-Corp. I remember when you opened up a branch in National City. I thought you were just supposed to stay there for a few months to make sure that everything was going smoothly, what made you change your mind?”

Lena hesitates, unwilling to share more than she has to, but still, she is paying for this; she might as well see what crazy advice this sham has to offer.

“I met someone.” She explains. “A friend.”

“A friend?”

“Well, sort of.”

“Sort of? Do I sense gay drama?” Dr. Fowler’s eyes sparkle, and Lena’s gaze catches on a picture of Dr. Fowler with her arm around another woman, a yellow lab sitting in front of them.

Of course Jess would do her research.

“She’s like . . . sunshine personified.” Lena offers as explanation. “Or at least, she was. Now, I don’t know what she is.”

Dr. Fowler shifts in her chair.

“What’s changed?”

“She . . .” Lena hesitates, reluctant to rehash her heart break. “She lied; about who she is. It turns out that she has this whole other persona that she just . . . hid from me. And you know what the worst part is?” She laughs mirthlessly. “I was friends with the other persona! and she just lied to me! Over and over again! Like I’m some kind of fool! Because I’m the idiot who can’t figure out that Kara Danvers is Supergirl!”

Her eyes flash to Dr. Fowler at her accidental revelation, but the other woman just smiles.

“Everything you say here is confidential. The secret is safe with me.”

Lena nods softly, but it seems that once the dam is broken the flow of her words can’t be stopped.

“She lied to me. For three years! I had to learn the truth from my dying brother! And then when she finally got the guts to tell me, do you know what she said?”

Dr. Fowler shakes her head.

“She said she loved me. That she wanted us to be together. Do you know how long I’ve waited to hear that?!”

“For three years?” Dr. Fowler offers, and Lena chokes back a sob.

“I’ve been in love with her for so long! And she was just oblivious. I guess like I was oblivious about her being Supergirl. But then she just tells me that she loves me. In the same conversation that she tells me the truth.”

“I’m sure that must have been devastating.” Dr. Fowler comments quietly, and Lena sets her jaw.

“I don’t know how I feel about her anymore. I don’t know if I can trust her.”

“That’s fair, you deserve to feel that way.”

Something in Lena settles at that. Up until now, she’s been berating herself for her anger. Like she was wrong for thinking bad of the great Supergirl. But now, she feels validated.

“I bought a whole company for her, you know. . . “

* - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - The rest of her session with Dr. Fowler is cathartic, if only because she can finally air out feelings without fear of judgment, with someone who gives her constructive feedback.

On her way out, she checks in with the receptionist.

“Jess scheduled you for two sessions a week, your next appointment is Thursday at 2. Is that okay?”'

Lena can’t help but roll her eyes. She definitely owes Jess another raise.

“Sounds perfect.”

* - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It’s surprisingly hard for her to fall into her post Kara routine. More often than not, she finds herself looking for her best friend in her downtime.

Kara’s presence has become a staple in her life, and she can’t help but mourn the loss.

Even though she knows whatever dream she had of them is lost.

It’s infuriating.

The one time she gets attached to someone, it backfires.

Dr. Fowler says that she has ‘abandonment issues’, but she doesn’t feel abandoned, just. . . lost.

Kara Danvers was her reason for existing for so long. The drive behind every decision she made.

She just wanted Kara to be happy, but it turns out that Kara is a completely different person than she thought.

Dr. Fowler challenges her, asks her how she feels about Supergirl, separate from Kara.

And honestly, she doesn’t know.

At first she felt like she had to like Supergirl, if only to combat her brother’s dangerous rhetoric with Superman.

But then . . . Supergirl was nice, and good, and she saved Lena’s life on numerous occasions.

Not to mention she was the most beautiful woman Lena had ever seen, minus Kara, of course.

Kara with her glasses and dorky blunders.

Though she supposes, now that she thinks about it, that those blunders come from less of a place of awkwardness and more from the place of an alien being unsure of earth customs. She finds it endearing, in a way that makes her uncomfortable, and Dr. Fowler smiles softly before letting the subject drop.

The good thing about being in Metropolis is that she doesn’t hear a single news story about Supergirl.

Superman, maybe, but Supergirl is noticeably absent.

It’s refreshing.

So it shocks her even more when she gets a surprise visitor.

“Ms. Luthor, I’m sorry, I tried to stop her, but she’s got a badge, and a gun, and I wasn’t sure if -“

Lena’s eyes settle on none other than Alex Danvers.

“It’s fine, Jess, don’t worry about it. “

Jess looks between them for a long moment before she heads back to her desk.

“Alex.” Lena says once Jess is through the door.

“Lena. Kara told me you know her secret.”

“Ahh, are you here to mock me?”

“Mock you?” Alex brow crinkles in a way that’s so much like Kara it almost hurts. “I’m not here to mock you, I’m here to see if you needed a friend. I know I’m not as close as you and Kara, but I thought I’d at least offer my support.”

“Support?”

Alex sighs heavily.

“Look, ever since I was 14, protecting Kara’s secret identity has been my main goal. My parents entrusted me with it, and . . . I never really got over it.”

“She never lied to you about her secret identity though.” Lena scoffs.

“No.” Alex concedes. “But I lied to her about mine.”

Lena’s head snaps up, eyeing Alex like she’s the last oracle.

"For four years, I lied to her about my job. I told her I was involved in biomedical engineering, that I was a sales rep for some company when really I worked for the DEO.”

“The Department of Extranormal Operations.” Lena clarifies.

“Exactly, and I didn’t even tell her what I was doing, because I wanted to protect her.”

“That’s still not -“

“I shot her down,” Alex continues. “I shot her down with Kryptonite arrows. Because I didn’t trust anyone else to make the shot. I shot my own sister with the one thing that hurts her, when she thought I was a sales rep.”

“What’s your point, Alex?”

“My point is that sometimes we lie to the people we love because we think it will protect them, even if it ends up hurting them in the end.”

“So you side with her then.” Lena concludes.

“No, I don’t, I . . . look, as Supergirl’s protector, I’m glad she waited to tell you, because the less people who know, the better, it’s not even because you’re a Luthor, it’s just common sense. But as your friend. . . she was wrong not to tell you, and you deserved to know the truth. It’s not always black and white, sometimes good intentions make for bad actualities. I can understand why Kara didn’t tell you, and I can also understand why you’re upset. I’m just saying, sometimes things don’t work out the way we want them to, sometimes we lie to the people we love and sometimes we think we know what’s best for them, even when we don't.

“But no matter what happens between you and my sister, just know that you’re still my friend, and I still support you. I know we’re not as close as you and Kara, but I’m here for you; if you need me. “

“You’re here for me?” Lena asks incredulously.

“I’m am, and I’m sorry you got the raw end of the stick. If it were anyone but Kara, I’d go beat her up for you. In fact, I have a red sun room for training, I still can if you really want me to.”

Lena’s voice breaks in a sob, and Alex stares at her strangely.

“Oh god, don’t cry. I don’t know what to do with criers, please don’t.” she holds out her arms and Lena collapses into them. “Do you want a hug? Will a hug help? I can do a hug.” She whispers as rock solid arms close around Lena.

Are both of the Danvers sisters jacked?

“Did you really shoot Kara down with Kryptonite arrows?” Lena hiccups.

“Yeah, I did. One of the biggest regrets of my life. Just like I’m sure not telling you the truth is one of Kara’s.”

“You’re her sister, you’re supposed to say that.”

“Look, maybe I am. But I don’t have to say this - stay mad for a while, she deserves it. But I hope to see you around soon, game night just isn’t the same without you.”

Lena wants to say more, but she doesn’t, letting Alex pull away.

“I couldn’t tell you the truth, because I’ve been protecting Kara since she was 13 years old. But that doesn’t mean you didn’t deserve to know the truth.”

“Easy for you to say. You were in on the secret.”

“I was.” Alex concedes. “And now you are too, what are you going to do with it?”

Lena doesn’t answer, and Alex backs away.

“I have to get back to National City, but call me when you come home, ok?”

Lena nods, even though she’s unsure of the details of her returning to National City.

She feels the warmth of Alex’s hug long after the other woman is gone.

* - - — - - - - - - - -

She stays in Metropolis for a month and a half, a fact she’s sure Jess and Dr. Fowler are conspiring together towards.

She can’t deny that she feels exceptionally better on the plane ride to National City than she did on her trip to Metropolis.

She hates to admit it, but therapy really has helped her, and she has Dr. Fowler’s number stored in her phone and ready for face time sessions.

She doesn’t exactly forgive Kara, but she maybe understands where she was coming from - even if she doesn’t agree with it.

Still, she doesn’t expect what she finds when she comes back to National City.

Supergirl is no where to be found.

According to all reports that she can find, Supergirl disappeared two weeks after she did. It makes sense, she supposes, but what she doesn’t understand is where Kara is now.

Lena's back now, so where is Supergirl?

She tempted to text Kara and ask, but she holds out, unwilling to give in like that. Curiosity isn’t enough to send her crawling back. The anger has faded, but the hurt still lingers. She misses the Kara that she used to know, but she still isn’t sure where she stands now.

A few days after she comes back, she meets Alex for lunch - at a craft beer bar, because Dr. Fowler says it’s important for her be around people who care and she figures Alex is the closest she’s got. But still, she refuses to ask about Kara, and Alex doesn’t offer any information; though she does insist on meeting up again soon.

Despite the million other things she has to do, one question overtakes her mind.

Where is Kara?

A look at CatCo records reveals that she’s been clocking in to work as scheduled, so maybe the question she should really be asking is ‘where is Supergirl?’

Later, back at her apartment, she pulls out the switch that Kara sent her and sets it on her coffee table. An hour of staring at it doesn’t give her anymore answers than she had before.

* - - - - - — - - - - -

She finally gets her answer a week later when a school bus is locked up in a battle with a few aliens. The bus stop is on her walk to get coffee, so she gets an unintentional front row view.

Her mind is racing, trying to think of some way to help in this post-Supergirl world that they're apparently in. Luckily the DEO vans show up just as she’s debating how weaponize a fire hydrant, and she breathes a sigh of relief.

She breathes an even bigger sigh when Supergirl shows up out of nowhere to join the fight, and all of National City + Lena is enthralled. Especially when she sees Kara’s new suit.

It’s an all blue, skin tight number that Lena definitely hasn’t seen before, and the missing skirt adds to the attractiveness.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t do much to distract Lena from the fight, especially when Kara puts herself in unnecessary danger.

The anger she thought she was over is back, only this time, it’s for Kara.

How dare Supergirl put her friend in danger like that, by fighting that horribly! Her speed is definitely slowed, and some of her movements are jerky and uncoordinated. Frankly, she looks like a prize fighter that took an extended leave of absence and showed up to the championship match without even a warm-up.

Which, Lena supposes, is exactly what happened.

She holds her breath for what feels like hours, refusing to exhale until the hostile alien is deposited with the waiting DEO agents nearby and Kara is safely on the ground.

She knows the exact moment that Kara spots her, shoulders tensing and her forehead crinkling.

Grinding her teeth, she watches as Kara takes a tentative step in her direction.

“Kara."

“Lena, I -"

If Kara had gotten hurt because Supergirl was on some hare-brained, self righteous mission to just jump back into action without even making sure she’s ready, Lena’s going to . . .

Well, she doesn’t really know what she’s going to do.

In fact, she barely realizes she’s made a decision until her fist is halfway to Supergirl’s face.

Bad move.

Stupid brain.

Thankfully, Kara shifts with the punch, but it still feels like she laid a haymaker into a brick wall.

“Shit! Shit! Fuck!” she doubles over, clutching at her hand, but soft fingers pry her hands apart and cold air leaves a frosty mist over her bruised knuckles as Kara uses her freeze breath to soothe the sting.

“Nothing’s broken, thankfully. Damn it, Lena, you really could have hurt yourself, you have to be careful -“

“I have to be careful?! I have to be careful?! I’m not the one who’s going around fighting aliens when it looks like I barely remember how to fly!”

To her surprise, Kara actually looks remorseful.

“I tried, Lena, I tried so hard, not to be Supergirl, but I -“ she gestures at the school bus. “- the kids, Lena, I couldn’t let them die just because -“

Lena interrupts her.

“You tried to stop being Supergirl?” That would certainly explain things, but it’s a concept Lena has a hard time wrapping her head around. “Why?”

Even as she towers over Lena in her cape and boots, Kara still somehow looks so small.

“Because you hate Supergirl, and I didn’t want you to hate me. I thought maybe if I could stop being Supergirl then maybe - well, I don’t know what I thought, but . . .”

Kara continues to speak, but Lena stops listening.

Instead, her eyes settle on something glinting in the sunlight.

A white gold chain around Kara’s neck, the sapphire of the pendant nearly hidden in the blue of her suit.

Suddenly, everything is too much.

Horns are honking, people are talking, and there’s a stupid bird that just won’t SHUT UP. Almost before she can make out what’s happening, Lena finds herself at the brink of a panic attack.

“Kara,” she fights to stay upright, holding up a hand to stop the flow of the other woman’s words. “Get me out of here.”

“What?”

“Get me out of here, please.”

“Where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere, please, just - “

Before she can blink, Kara’s scoops her up and they’re flying off. She has no idea where Kara is taking her, but it takes long enough that by the time they touch down, her panic attack is mostly over; Kara’s strong grip and the white noise of the wind working wonders.

They land on a deserted beach, and Lena looks out over the ocean for a long moment, trying to place where they are.

Until Kara clears her throat.

“Umm, should I like . . . put you down? I mean if you want me to hold you that’s fine, you’re really light, I just umm, well I didn’t know if you wanted to -“

“Kara.” she squeezes the shoulder under her hand, bringing the adorable rambling to a stop. “It’s fine, you can put me down, thank you.”

“Right, umm, here.” Kara bends, lowering her arm so that Lena’s feet can reach the ground, and she uses Kara’s for balance before stepping away.

“You know if I would have known it was really Kara Danvers holding me all those times you saved me, I would have enjoyed it a lot more.” Lena says without thinking, and Kara blushes all the way to the tips of her ears.

“Sorry!” she immediately backtracks. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, it was just awkward, and I thought ‘why not make it more awkward?’”

“No, it’s fine! I mean I like holding you.”

The awkward tension lingers between them for a long moment before Lena breaks it, turning to stare out over the ocean. She waits until Kara steps up beside her to speak.

“Where are we?”

"Somewhere in the Caribbean? I don’t know the exact coordinates, just a little place I found when I was looking for a place to think and look at the stars after you . . . after you left.”

“It’s beautiful.” Lena observes, and she can feel Kara’s eyes studying her profile. After a moment, she turns to look at Kara too, taking in the face she used to know so well.

“You cut your bangs.” she finally says, and Kara blinks at her from beneath the fringe.

“Well, you said you hated my ‘stupid hair’, so . . . “ Kara shrugs, and Lena holds back a smile.

“Is that why you changed your suit too?”

“No!” Kara’s forehead crinkles. “Maybe. Yes. I just didn’t want you to hate me anymore.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“You hate Supergirl.” Kara counters.

Lena turns back to the ocean with a sigh.

“A while back, my therapist asked me how I felt about Supergirl, apart from you. And when she asked, I didn’t know what to say, because I wasn’t sure. But I’ve had some time to think about it, and I’ve come to some conclusions.”

She faces Kara before continuing.

“Supergirl is . . . she is kind, and she is good, and she's saved my life on numerous occasions. But she is also self-righteous, and arrogant, and stubborn - almost to the point of being foolhardy on occasion. . . She broke my heart once.”

Lena’s voice cracks, and her eyes fill with tears as Kara’s head drops to look at her boots.

“But she also made the decision to put on that suit and help people - people who don’t always deserve it - at great risk to herself. She could just hide away her powers and be a reporter and spend her Thursday nights playing scrabble with her friends instead of putting out factory fires. And I would love that person, because that person is enough. But instead she chooses to use her powers for good, she puts her life on the line to protect people. And for some reason she has this deeply rooted belief that people are good; even when I know for a fact that she’s seen some of the worst that humanity has to offer.”

“Lena -“

“Let me finish.” she says gently and Kara nods, tears streaking down her face.

“I don’t hate you, Kara. I could never hate you. And it’s taken a lot of therapy, and a lot of long talks with Alex, but . . .” She takes a moment to put her words in order.

“The way I see it, I have two options. I can move to a new city. I can work at a different office in a different state where nothing will be tainted with your memory and I can pretend like Kara Danvers never existed. But I don’t like that option.”

Kara’s face lightens marginally, but her eyes are still wary.

“What’s option two?”

“Option two is that I forgive you, and we start over. This time with no secrets - not about our identities, or our feelings, or our pasts. I want it all out on the table, and I want us to try. And it may not work and it won’t be easy, and I want you to see Dr. Fowler with me. But my heart has been shattered, regardless, and I can either fix it with you or without you, and I want to do it with you; because life is so much better with you in it. Even the bad parts.” The tears spill over now, and she chokes out a sob, Kara’s face crumpling.

“Lena, I am so sorry. And I never in a million years meant to hurt you. You’re my red sun. You make me feel so grounded, and home. And I realize now that I was using you as crutch to deal with this double life I lead, and I thought maybe somehow if I kept you separate then things would be different. But I was so wrong to do that to you. I should have told you the truth years ago, and I promise I will never keep secrets from you again. I will do whatever I have to, to make this work. I’ll go to therapy, I’ll communicate, I’ll literally fly to the moon if I have to.”

“Will you share your potstickers?” Lena can’t help asking, desperate to lighten the mood, if only for a second.

Kara sobs a laugh.

“You can have all the potstickers. I would never eat a potsticker again if it would make you happy. I would do anything you asked of me and not give it a second thought to show you how sorry I am.”

Lena studies her for long moment.

“Would you really give up being Supergirl for me?”

“Lena . . . I don’t think you understand. You’ve made me indestructible. Whatever weakness I still have under this yellow sun, you’ve come up with the technology to fix it. Nothing from earth can hurt me. But that day on the rooftop, when you walked away . . . it was like watching Krypton explode all over again. And there’s some sort of poetic justice about the person who made me indestructible also being the only one who can bring me to my knees. But would I give up Supergirl for you. I think showed today that I’m not very good at giving it up, but I would try again, for you.”

Lena can see the sincerity in her eyes, in the way that her arms are halfway outstretched as if just waiting for an invitation to pull Lena into a hug.

“I would never ask you to give up a part of who you are. In fact the reason that I was so upset when I found out was because you felt like you had to hide it from me in the first place. I want you to be yourself, and Supergirl is part of you; I just need you to share her with me.”

Kara nods slowly.

“I can do that.”

They stand there, staring at each other on the beach, the waves lapping against the shore, and for the first time since Lex told her the truth, Lena feels at peace.

“I know this is kind of awkward but . . . can I have a hug? I really missed your hugs.” Lena shifts awkwardly in the sand, but she shouldn’t have worried, because Kara’s eyes light up and her mouth twists into the soft smile that Lena loves so much.

“Of course, get in here, bring it in.” Kara’s arms widen even further, and she takes a step towards Lena before wrapping her up in a bear hug.

“I’ve missed you so much.” Kara whispers against her hair. “I was afraid that I’d never get you back.”

For a few long minutes, Lena just lets herself breathe, content in the way that Kara’s arms are just slightly too tight around her, her fingers clutching at Kara’s cape.

“It’s kind of weird, hugging you in the suit.” She says, finally breaking the silence.

“I can change?" Kara offers, starting to pull away, but Lena holds her in place.

“No, I wanna get used to it. I can’t limit my hug time to just when you’re not in the suit.”

Kara settles at that, and Lena waits another minute before she pulls away, unable to stop the smile that’s spreading across her face.

As much as it hurts, it’s good to have Kara back.

“So what now?” Kara asks, seemingly nervous in the aftermath of their hug.

“Now we’re going to get dinner. I’m picking,” she clarifies, “and paying, because it’s going to be fancy, and I’m going to make you eat vegetables.”

Kara’s nose scrunches.

“Fancy just means smaller portions.”

“Perks of being a billionaire, I can buy you as much food as you can eat.”

Kara’s nose stays scrunched, but she doesn’t complain further, so Lena continues.

“Then we’re going to talk, we’re going to lay everything out in the open, and we’re going to start this off right.”

“Your place? Or Mine?"

“Yours please, I left my NCU sweatshirt there last time I was over, and I want to get it back.”

“I’m sorry, your NCU sweatshirt?” Kara scoffs.

Lena raises an eyebrow.

“I went to NCU and I’m the one who bought that shirt!”

Lena’s eyebrow gets even closer to her hairline.

“You went to MIT!” Kara insists, and they face off for a moment before Kara finally caves.

“Fine, it’s your sweatshirt. That you sometimes let me borrow when it stops smelling like me and you don’t want to wear it anymore.”

Lena blushes at being caught in her scheme, and Kara grins.

“Ha! I knew it! It was always suspicious when it would randomly show back up.”

The glare Lena gives her is withering, but it does little to shrink Kara’s grin.

“Will you please take me home? Before I decide to add a plate of Brussel sprouts to our order just for you.”

“Geez, I was just joking, you didn’t have to bring Brussel sprouts into this!” Kara says with a laugh before stepping forward.

For the second time that day, Kara bends to scoop Lena up into her arms, but before she can, a thought strikes Lena and she taps Kara on the shoulder.

“Kara, before we go, I just have one more question.”

“Anything.”

“Why are you wearing the necklace?”

“Oh.” Kara’s hand reaches up to grip the pendant between her fingers. "That’s easy, because my best friend gave it to me, and then she disappeared, so this was the best way I had to keep her close.”

And Lena knows that they should probably take this slow, and they still have so much to talk about, but something about those blue eyes makes her lose all self control.

She leans forward, one hand on Kara’s crest and the other on her cheek, and brings their lips together. She’s imagined kissing Kara more times than she’d like to admit, and she’s envisioned so many different possibilities for how it would be, but reality?

Reality is positively mind blowing.

For a moment, Kara seems stunned, but then she steps into the kiss; arms wrapping around Lena’s back and pulling her in.

It’s the best kiss of Lena’s entire existence, and as Kara’s lips move under hers, she can’t help but think that some things are worth fighting for, no matter the cost. Because not everyone is out to hurt her, and some people really do have good intentions - at least that’s Dr. Fowler tells her. And maybe, she can start believing it too.

All too soon, Kara’s lips pull away, though her hands stay where they are - inching dangerously close to Lena’s backside.

“So just to clarify -“ Kara starts, and Lena takes a little pleasure in the way her cheeks are flushed and her breath is coming in puffs.

“Are we at the kissing stage now? Or this a one time thing? It’s cool either way, I just don’t want to overstep -“

“Kara Danvers!” Lena cuts her off with a laugh. “Shut up and kiss me.”

“Oh, wait, cause while we’re being open and honest -“

Lena’s heart rate spikes.

“- My real name is Kara Zor-El.”

“Zor-El, huh?”

Kara nods, a contented smile on her face.

“It sounds nice when you say it.”

“Well then, Kara Zor-el, shut up and kiss me."

And if she thought kissing Kara the first time was good, the second time?

Even better.

#supercorp #supergirl #lena luthor #kara danvers #fan fiction

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5-seconds-of-bucky · 5 years

Text

So I Don’t Forget (Luke Imagine)

A/N: Anna's writing 5sos stuff??? It's been forever since I've posted anything with 5sos but nobody reads it so . . . Anyways, I know this is a cliche idea but I like it. Thanks to everyone who reads this! Please reblog and leave feedback! It would mean the world to me!!!

Summary: You write letters to Luke to help cope with his death

Word Count: 2.1k+

Warnings: Mentions of death, very sad, swearing

*Italics are the letter, normal font is y/n's actions*

April 13, 2018

Dear Luke,

It's been a month since the accident and I haven't been doing so great. My therapist suggested writing letters to you to help cope but I don't think they're going to help. I've only felt more upset now that I have to think about you more. I don't even know what to write about. Not much has been going on since you left. I haven't been able to do much without feeling the need to break down. I've tried to stay strong for Robbie but it's so hard. He's too young to understand what happened, other than the fact that you aren't here anymore. Everyone is nice to me, but in a pitiful way. It's almost like death is contagious or something. They bring over meals and tell me that they're there for me if I need anything but the second I invite them in, they act like they have somewhere to be and leave.

That hurt: realizing that nobody knew how to comfort you, or even made an effort to try. Without Luke, you felt so lonely. You had Robbie, but he couldn't do much, being so young.

You should see Robbie now. He's grown so quickly. I can already see you in him, it's insane. His hair is all curls and his nose is an exact replica of yours. I wish you were still around so he could take after you personality wise. Now he's going to be as sarcastic as I am (which probably isn't a good thing). Fuck that driver who couldn't stop to think about how dangerous drunk driving is. They didn't just take you from us, they left Robbie without a dad, your bandmates without a brother, and me without my soulmate. You left too soon and now I have to be a single mom when we barely had this parenting thing down with two people. It's so hard.

The tears that had been few and in between for the past few days were pouring down your face now, some splashing onto the paper of which you were writing your letter. You couldn't help it. The more you thought about it, the more the pain crept into your soul, consuming every last cell you had. You had lost you husband, your soulmate, and you'd never get him back.

This is all I can write for today. I love you so much and I promise I will never forget you. Not a second goes by when you're not consuming my thoughts. With more love than we could ever imagine,

Y/N

It was done. Your first letter to your dead husband was finished. What else could you write to someone who would never read it?

6/30/18

Dear Luke,

It's been a while. I'm sorry, I just haven't been able to get myself to write this. I've been doing so much better lately. I can go out and do things like a functional person now! Everyone's doing a lot better actually. The boys have been coming over a lot recently for dinner. They look less heartbroken, and I guess I do too. They've talked about finishing the tour soon but they're probably going to break up after that. It's not the same without you. Who knows, maybe they could get someone to replace you! (Haha, they could and would never. You are just too special to replace.) That was kinda mean but I think this deeply heavy and emotional letter needs some comedy relief. (You can tell I'm doing better since I'm making jokes again.) How is it up there? I hope you're doing alright and that you're not lonely. Robbie is convinced you don't have enough friends and you need some company but I told him I'm sure you've made plenty. He really misses you now that he kinda understands that you're gone for good. He's told me that he wants to be just like you when he grows up. (He's convinced he could replace you in the band if someone would just show him how to play the guitar. I don't trust his three year old hands around them though so don't worry, your guitars are perfectly safe.) He's going to start preschool this year and I'm not sure I'm ready for that. He's grown up so fast! Soon enough he'll be going to college and I'll be all alone. I forgot to tell you, I got a job! At first it was just to distract me from my grief, but I've found that I really enjoy it. Sure, we have enough money to live comfortably for a very long time, but I didn't want to spend the rest of my days sitting around and doing nothing. Anyways, that's all I really have to write for today. I miss you so much and I love you to the end of the universe and back a million times! Love,

Y/N

You clicked the end of the pen with a sigh of relief. You had written your first letter to him in two months and you were just now realizing how much better you felt. It was like swearing when you stubbed your toe. A bit of relief from the pain you felt. Maybe this helped more than you originally thought.

7/3/18

Dear Luke,

I know it's only been a few days but you need to hear about this. Robbie told me he wants another pet. Another fucking pet. I though Petunia was enough but no, he wants a cat. I love cats and all, but do we need another pet??? Petunia takes up enough space as the baked potato she is (I love her for it don't get me wrong) so we don't need another animal right? It's really hard to get ask your advice when you can't respond. Maybe we should do it just because we can and I think Petunia needs a companion. She's good around cats, right? Fine, I'll do it. I can't believe writing to you is helping me make up my mind. Oh well. While I'm here, might as well mention that I miss you and I love you so much!!! (Three exclamation points, that's a lot! That's how you know how much I miss you) Sorry this letter is so short but we have to go look for a cat now. Love you! Love,

Y/N

P.S: We bought all the supplies for the cat. Now we have to go find one (7/4)

P.P.S: We got a really fluffy cat and Petunia loves her (7/6)

8/1/18

Dear Daddy,

Hi daddy! It's Robbie! I miss you so much!! Mommy has to write this cause I don't know how to write yet. We got a kitty and we named her Oreo cause she's black and white. Petunia likes her soooooo much. When I play blocks Oreo knocks them over and then I have to start over. I built a really cool castle yesterday but Petunia ran into it before mommy could take a picture of it. My birthday is coming soon! I'm going to be 4! Mommy said that Grandma and Papa are coming over and we are going to eat cake and open presents (but the presents are for me because it's my birthday). I'm going to play with Petunia now! I love you!!!!!!!!

Love, Robbie

Hey Luke, It's me, Y/N. I'm not gonna waste paper so I'll write this on the same sheet. I think we'll keep the letters to once a month now so I have stuff to talk about and so we don't forget. Robbie drew you a picture so I'll put it in here when I fold the letter. It's a picture of all of us and Petunia and Oreo. I don't know why I'm so short compared to you. Maybe because I told him that you were super tall? I don't know. Anyways, the boys have decided not to finish the tour. They claimed it's just not the same without you on stage and that they don't want to have a 5sos without you. I don't know if they're going to continue as a band or not. I know you would want them to but it would be weird without you. I'm gonna go now. Sorry these have been short lately. I'm not really sure what to say anymore. These letters help to cope but I don't think I can really put everything I want to say on paper yet. Love you more every day that passes by!

Love, Y/N

Throughout the next few months you wrote Luke letters, hoping that the words would just flow onto the page. Every month it seemed harder to put something down. You felt much happier now, but that emotional barrier was still present. After a while you stopped writing the letters, too frustrated with yourself to try to write more. You never forgot about your husband, but you started to think about him less often than before. That was, until the one year anniversary of his death.

3/13/19

Dear Luke,

I'm back. I know it's been too long but I've been doing so well. The letters got to a point where there was nothing for me to put down on the page. They started to make me more frustrated with myself than they helped me cope. I never knew what to say other than I miss you and I wish you had never left. I finally finished my last therapy session! (Last week actually, but now is not the time for technicalities) I'm so much more at peace with myself than I was a year ago. A whole year that you've been gone and it feels like an eternity. It's been so hard without you here. I know I said I've been doing better but sometimes I feel myself slip without anyone there to catch me. There are nights where I can't do anything but cry because I know that I have to live the rest of my life without you. That I will never find someone who I love like I loved you. Like I love you.

In that moment you broke down. Luke was gone for good and you couldn't do anything about it. The only part you had left of him was his guitars and Robby.

I know I have to be strong but it's so fucking hard. Life is shitty without your sunshine personality to make it better. Robby is constantly asking about you and I wish I didn't have to leave you partially up to his imagination. He needs a father figure here and I can't give that to him. I've tried to get back into the dating game but I just can't. Being with someone that isn't you doesn't sit right with me. The thought of someone taking your place as my husband and as Robby's dad is terrifying. You were supposed to be with me through it all and you were barely there for the first portion.

You place the pen down on the desk you kept in your room and stood up to go to bed. You couldn't finish this letter. Sobs pushed through your body and you couldn't seem to stop them as they slowly got louder and louder. Normally you would be concerned that Robby would hear you but at this point you just needed to let it all out. The pain that you had held down for the past year all came out at once. What if Luke had been five minutes late from the meeting rather than out on time. What if you had asked him to pick up the milk you needed so he would have to take a different turn. What if that stupid driver hadn't gotten drunk in the first place.

"Mommy, why are you crying?" Your son's voice came from the doorway. He was holding the stuffed tiger Luke had bought for him when he was born. Ever since the accident, Robby rarely let it out of his sight.

"I just miss daddy," You reply, sitting up in your bed and holding out your arms to pick him up when he walked over to you."We lost him a whole year ago now and I miss him a whole lot."

Robby was clinging onto you now, hugging you as tight as he could and burying his face into your shoulder. You sat like that for a minute, trying to stop your tears until you felt Robby start to shake.

"Why can't daddy come back to us? I miss him!" He wailed, causing you to shed a few more tears. At that moment, the only thing you could do was rub his back and cry with him.

"I miss him too baby. I miss him too."

#5sos #5 seconds of summer #5sos one shots #5sos imgaines #5 seconds of summer one shots #5 seconds of summer imagines #5sos fanfiction #5 seconds of summer fanfiction #Luke Hemmings #Luke Hemmings one shot #Luke Hemmings imagines #Luke Hemmings fanfiction #my writing #angst #reader x luke hemmings #y/n #reader insert

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