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braywashed · 2 years

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No no! Just curious why

Man it's literally so hard to sit here and try to describe, because there are so many reasons why I should absolutely loathe the character. In a lot of ways I *do* loathe the character. Like I actively feel guilty about liking him since rewatching. Of all the fictional assholes I love, he's the closest to *real* and that makes it really hard to excuse. But sometimes good *characters* are not good people, they just play a good role in the story.

THERE'S A WHOLE ASS POORLY CONSTRUCTED NOVEL OF A THING UNDER THE CUT!! 1k+ WORDS OF ME BEING ABSOLUTELY BORING AND FULL OF BAD ANALYSIS! YEEHAW!!!

I am really drawn to sibling dynamics. I am an absolute sucker for a big brother figure. And again, this is why I should completely hate him. I wouldn't typically sit around and project and come to backwards ass conclusions about shitty brothers. I have enough of a fucking complex about them on a very personal level (and fathers, while we're at it) to want to sympathize with it in my escape media. But I'm not going to give every bummer 'got left waiting sat on the stairs all day' life story I ever had.

Point being, a lot of my feelings towards Billy come from the fact that I would take a fucking bullet for Max, and he's terrible to her. Absolutely fucking terrible. She thinks he hated her. She hated him. And that's 100% understandable.

Yet, in *hindsight*... I just... don't think he hated her. At all. I think he was possessive and little co-dependent and more protective than he'd ever admit? She's, weirdly, the only one who really understands all his issues, and she might not even know that. Not to mention he probably took a lot of literal hits for her she never even knew about. This doesn't make it okay. He's a piece of shit. But it fucking *compels me though dot gif.*

(Sidenote: Haven't read the Max book, heard S3 contradicts it anyway, but I do know apparently he gave her her nickname which is adorable if true. And that he took a bunch of belt lashings. Please get fucked, Neil. How is that guy still allowed to be alive?)

The Lucas scene is rough because it is framed SO fucking badly. It is. It's hard to watch.

...but when I go back to it:

Suddenly I'm stuck knowing this dude gets his ass beat because of this girl all the time, and this dude grew up watching the only woman in his life that gave a shit about him get the shit beat out of her too.

...and now I'm stuck knowing he watched this girl try to walk away from some kid who kept yelling after her, watched them argue, watched Max storm off visibly upset

And despite the really off-kilter music and the wording after that, I'm stuck thinking 'he was pissed at him because he *made max upset*'

Is that it? Probably not. He's probably just shit and it's exactly what it says on the tin and for some reason wasn't pushed despite them not really shying away from a few other choice blunt subjects and words. But I also can't *not* see it this way now. And I can't *not* think about the dad at all, given the things he said and clearly believes about people (and all the toxic masc. bullshit expectations). Be that directly influencing behaviors or the fact that if Max came home with Lucas, shit would probably go down. Explained but not excused, abused kids do take after their parents a lot of times, he's still young and people can change, etc etc.

At best it's still a bad look.

Jump forward. When he gets called out for losing her at the end of the season, he says she doesn't need a full time babysitter. Maybe, probably, he did just really want to get to his date. But he also knew damn well where she went. He goes to Lucas's house. He immediately knew she went with him. He didn't HAVE to make a case for her taking care of herself. But he did? That sticks with me for some reason.

When he finds them eventually, as insincere as it is, there's a real big Jerkass Has A Point moment where he points out that his sister is in the middle of nowhere at a stranger's house, with a high school dude who is insisting she isn't. We know better as the audience, but from a more realistic perspective, he ain't wrong.

Then she physically stands up to him and he backs the fuck off like a scared puppy and seemingly leaves her alone from then on. Which, to Vec's point, is a lot braver than him, when he didn't stand up to *his* abuser the episode before. Suddenly next season the dude who was grabbing her arm is on the floor begging her to believe him when he says he didn't mean to hurt anybody.

(Sidenote Numero Dos: Somehow despite sharing a house, none of them ever got flayed. Probably just an oversight, but if you're gonna give me blanks to fill in, I'm gonna make assumptions.)

To get to Season 3 and sum stuff up *without* Max for the most part:

His biggest declaration at the end of Season 2 was that "no one tells [him] what to do." He gets flayed for that effort. This happens to him after he stares at himself in the mirror, which his father previously called him slurs for. I really, really hate that.

The dude objectifies the living fuck out of himself probably because it's the only control he actually has over anything and anyone in his life and at the end of the day and he gets punished for it.

His heroic sacrifice moment is all just standing up to a big giant oppressor which he was never able to do before in his entire life. Both his oppressors turned him into someone he never would have wanted to be. Something something, even evil has standards. Yes, like they said, he *is* a gross bully but he's not a murderer who ties people up in his trunk.

...............Also he just looks *extremely fucking small and vulnerable* in this shot despite the camera looking up at him, and despite him being an imposing monster the entire episode:

i'm going to wrap him in a blanket and give him so much hot cocoa and so many buckets to throw up bleach into and you can't stop me.

also also this cinematography is just really fucking cream pants worthy:

like god i want to watch that episode on imax.

ANYWAY

I basically skimmed the entire season but nothing was necessary to point out other than the fact that he's crying like every single fucking moment of every single fucking day and that he's apparently GREAT with little kids. Like people trust this asshole. With their children's literal lives. Huhwha. Probably because he gets out of his house and gets to be his own person, in his literal subverted element.

His last significant memory is "this is your new sister" and he fucking yeets himself for some kid he just met that knows more about him than anyone has any right to (and I say that very pointedly. It's AUTONOMY, PEOPLE. SAY IT WITH ME.).

TL;DR BILLY IS A WATER PERSON MOMMA'S BOY WHO DIDN'T WATCH OUT FOR THE RIP CURRENT SHE WARNED HIM ABOUT AND HE ONLY EVER JUST WANTED TO PROTECT HIS SHITTY LITTLE SISTER (AND DID IT CONSISTENTLY IN A REALLY SHITTY WAY)

He's terrible and Max and the audience have every right to have wished him dead, or not to be "redeemed" or think it wasn't enough. I'll sit here all day and come up with 'if he'd lived.....'s but it doesn't mean I even think he should have.

but i'mma still hug him and i'mma still sit here and say the first thing el did when she got to cali was send back some really cool shells she found on the beach with a note to leave some for billy. YOU CAN'T STOP ME.

Other shit I think is worth noting: That time he had the audacity to say "Here I am," as if he didn't enter the show to that fucking song. The Camaro is a thing of beauty. The Lost Boy aesthetic. Moving in Stereo. And if I haven't stressed enough the propaganda of this post that Billy is a Hero To Women, Actually, he apparently makes them happy scream. So he's doing something right despite seeming like the biggest self involved douche on the face of the planet.

Oh, and his summer wear photoshoot. Obviously. That's just fun marketing.

#at the end of the day im a sad adult who misses her mom conflicts with her dad and is constantly told i missed out #on sibling relationships that seem really unrealistic from my pov #so i'm gonna sit here and be a billy apologist and stick him in my handbag #to go absolutely feral on whoever he wants #because i probably wont lol.#even tho hes a raging piece of shit #sam watches a show #long post with apologies #sam is going to bed now it is LATE and this is EMBARRASSING #normal relationships with media who i only overthink everything #anonymous

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les4elliewilliams · 3 months

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bound by love // ex-girlfriend!ellie

☆・・・・☆ ・・・・☆・・・・☆

daily click・palestine masterpost・do not buy any game from naughty dog, neil druckmann is a zionist.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

wc/warnings: 5.6k ; strap-on sex (r!receiving), tribbing, oral (r!receiving), cheating, use of names like whore, slut, baby etc. and toxic relationship. do NOT read if you're sensitive about this kind of stuff!! do not romanticize toxic relationships and run far away from toxic people.

a/n: also first time writing smut so please be kind😭. not proofread so i'm sorry if you find any mistakes

pairing: toxic!ellie, ex-girlfriend!ellie also stalker!ellie???(just ellie stalking your social media and location) and jealous!ellie ig.

☆・・・・☆ ・・・・☆・・・・☆

I know that you're shitty and you're bad for me

But I can't stop thinking 'bout it

✩ You used to console yourself by saying that the problem was not you but her. You believed that she was the one who caused all the issues in the relationship. However, as time passed, you started to realize that the situation was more complex than you initially thought. You began to question your own actions and words and wondered if you could have done things differently. You tried to stay positive by reminding yourself that sometimes things don't work out, and it's okay to move on. But you couldn't move on.

✩ Despite all your efforts to move on and forget about her, you always found yourself drawn back to her for some weird reason. You tried everything you could think of to let her go — you blocked her on every platform you could, hoping it would help you move on, but it never seemed to work. No matter how hard you tried to forget her, you always ended up unblocking her, usually within an hour of blocking her. It was as if you were powerless to resist the pull she had on you, no matter how much you wanted to be free of her.

✩ You were the one who broke up with her, claiming she was too toxic for you. However, you cannot deny that you also had your fair share of faults. Both of you were aware of the toxicity in your relationship, but still, it lasted for three whole years. You often wonder how you were able to tolerate her for so long. She always seemed to go out of her way to provoke you and get a reaction out of you. She would intentionally make you jealous, making nasty comments about other women's bodies to make you insecure and maybe even cry. She loved it when you got possessive and jealous; that was the only way she felt cared for and loved. She constantly needed reassurance, and her overthinking would stop only when you got possessive of her or extremely jealous; it didn't make sense, and she knew it wasn't normal, yet she couldn't help herself. But it wasn't only that. She was also extremely manipulative and a liar. It was a never-ending cycle of negativity, and both of you were caught up in it.

✩ If she was a toxic girlfriend, imagine how toxic she was once you two were broken up. When you broke up with her, you thought you were better off as friends, but soon enough, you started to realize how wrong you were.

✩ Even though she treated you poorly throughout your relationship, you always returned to her. Your love for her was strong, and it seemed as though returning to her was the only thing that felt right. Even though she was responsible for causing you a significant amount of emotional pain, she still felt like home to you — like the person who you could always run to whenever you needed it. She always knew the right thing to say to calm you down, cheer you up, and sometimes even make you cry. That was the thing about Ellie that confused you the most; She could be either the best person ever or the worst.

✩ When something big goes down in your life, she's the one you call up first. It doesn't matter if it's something totally dumb or something that seriously ticks you off, she's the one you rely on for comfort and support, and she's always there to baby you.

"S'okay baby— mhm, you got this," whispering sweet nothings into your ear as you rambled about your day "Want me to beat them up for you? You know I would," and she wasn't kidding, sending whoever made you mad to the ER without you even knowing it. You have always been someone who disliked violence. In fact, you were never the kind of person who would resort to violence, no matter how heated a situation may have been. You've always been the rational one between the two of you, thinking things through before acting. On the other hand, she was more impulsive, acting without much thought or consideration for the consequences of her actions. Anyway, you would find out what Ellie did to your coworker when he showed up with a cast around his arm, threatening to take legal action against her. You always found yourself in the middle of the conflict, pleading with your coworker not to sue Ellie and trying to smooth things over.

✩ Lots of

"you're the hottest girl i've ever dated" "i would take you back in a heartbeat" "i still have a soft spot for you" "best pussy i've ever had"

✩ She'd randomly show up at your place in the middle of the night, pounding on your door, little did you know she'd be pounding into you the second you let her in

"nfuckk— my pussy…s'all mine" Murmuring nonsense into the crook of your neck as she fucked your tight little hole with the new strap she desperately wanted to show you (which became your favorite for obvious reasons). "think anyone else can make you feel like this, hm?" and she wouldn't let you cum if you didn't reply, she wanted to hear you say that you belonged to her and her only.

✩ She constantly checked your social media accounts like a fucking maniac, fearing that you may have moved on or started spending time with other girls. This behavior was not healthy, and she was aware of it. Despite that, she couldn't help herself and even had access to your location, which she used to stalk you whenever you didn't respond to her messages or calls quickly enough. On two separate occasions, she unexpectedly showed up while you were on dates with other girls. At first, you brushed it off as a coincidence, but after the second time, you realized that she still had your location and that her sudden appearance was not coincidental at all. Therefore, you turned off the location sharing. and in no time she was blowing up your phone with texts

"why the fuck would you turn it off?" "moving on already?" "where the fuck do you even think you're going?" "try all you want, but you know who you belong to"

✩ It became increasingly clear that you and her were not meant to be friends. You still belonged to her in her mind — and perhaps it wasn't just in her mind. Deep down, you knew that she was right even though you were no longer together.

✩ Although you had repeatedly told Ellie that you wouldn't get back together, she remained convinced that you would eventually return. Instead of giving up, she actively pursued ways to reconnect with you. She would often surprise you by showing up at your apartment with a bouquet of your favorite flowers or things she knew you would like.

"Ellie, what're you doin' here?" you asked as you saw your ex-girlfriend holding a lovely bouquet of flowers in her hand. You were taken aback as you looked at the bouquet — it was a Hello Kitty bouquet. You had mentioned this type of bouquet to Ellie before you broke up, and you were surprised that she even listened to you when you kept rambling about how cute it was. You had seen it on Pinterest before and never thought she would remember. Her green eyes met yours, and she scratched the back of her neck before flashing a warm smile your way. She knew you'd love it. "Hi, angel," she said. She handed you the bouquet and planted a soft kiss on your cheek. Her free hand quickly found its way to your waist. She leaned back enough to gauge your reaction and asked with a cocky smile, "What d'you think?" The sudden appearance of Ellie took you aback, but you couldn't help but admire the bouquet in your hands. The Hello Kitty plushie and the colorful flowers were so cute. You didn't expect her to remember your love for this particular bouquet, but you were grateful that she did. "May I come in?" Her tone was confident, and her eyes shone with a mischievous glint. You couldn't help but wonder what she was up to, but you stepped aside to let her in nonetheless.

✩ She would listen intently to everything you said during your relationship and make mental notes of all the things you wanted or needed. However, she never acted on them until you broke up with her. Suddenly, she would start getting you those things, being the girlfriend you always wanted her to be, trying to convince you to give her another chance. But you weren't stupid; you knew that as soon as you let her back into your life, she would go back to her usual self, and her toxic behavior would come out once again.

✩ She showered you with compliments, gifts, and attention, making you feel like you were the only person in the world that mattered to her. When she realized that her love bombing wasn't working on you, she changed her tactics. She began dating a girl she had always insisted was "just a friend," even though you had always felt insecure about her because you thought she was prettier than you. But Ellie was using this girl only to get to you. She wanted to make you jealous and make you feel like you were missing out on something she could provide. She hoped you would come back to her, begging for another chance. You were devastated and couldn't help but compare yourself to this other girl, wondering what Ellie saw in Dina that she didn't see in you. But as time passed, you began to realize that Ellie was playing games. She didn't care about this girl, or about anyone else for that matter. To her, you were the one that got away, the one that she couldn't have. And so she used this other girl as a pawn in her game, hoping to win you back. But you didn't fall for it.

✩ She just went ahead and started posting pictures with her new girlfriend on Instagram to make sure you saw them and felt like shit. And, well, it worked like a charm. Even though you knew she was doing it on purpose to upset you, it still hurt like hell because she never posted pictures of the two of you together on social media, claiming she preferred to keep things private but as soon as she started dating her new girlfriend, she suddenly started posting about her non-stop, which made you feel even more hurt and insecure.

✩ You realized that cutting ties with Ellie and blocking her from all platforms would have been the wise thing to do. but let's be honest, getting revenge felt much more satisfying than being wise sometimes. You wanted to show her that you were not someone to be toyed with cause that's what you felt like: a toy. You started seeing a girl you had recently met, but you made sure not to make it too obvious. You didn't want Ellie to think you were only doing it to get back at her. Of course not, it had to look natural. You wanted to show her that you had moved on with your life and that you were over her. Even though it was quite the opposite, you weren't over her.

✩ When you began sharing pictures of your new girlfriend, she dropped her fake composed demeanor and started bombarding your phone with messages. You finally had her exactly where you wanted her.

2:33 am "who the fuck is that girl in your story?" 2:34 am "hello?" 2:36 am "answer your goddamn phone" 2:37 am "Why do you even care, Ellie? you're in a relationship." 2:39 am "what the actual fuck" 2:42 am "tell me" 2:46 am "who is she" 2:53 am "My girlfriend."

✩ After that, she vanished from social media and every other platform for nearly a week, leaving you on read. You had mixed emotions about it. On one hand, you felt a sense of pride for getting back at her. It was working because she seemed jealous. On the other hand, there was a part of you that couldn't help but miss her. You longed for her presence and wished she would come back. Her presence wasn't the only thing you longed for; you missed her hands all over your body, touching you just in the right places. She knew you like the back of her hand. She knew exactly how to make you arch your back and make you scream her name.

✩ You couldn't cum. It had been weeks, maybe a month, and your little friend down there was starting to ache. You were horny, so fucking horny, but you couldn't cum. All you could think of was your fucking ex-girlfriend almost as if your pussy had a mind of her own. Not even your favorite toys were helping. it felt good, but you felt like something was missing. You reached out to the nightstand and grabbed your phone, unlocking the screen with a swift gesture and opened the messaging app. It was wrong, so wrong and you knew you would regret it the next day, but you needed her. Your fingers moved effortlessly across the virtual keyboard as you typed a message to her.

1:15 am "Els, I know it's wrong but" 1:15 am "I'm horny" 1:16 am "I need you, please"

You let out a deep sigh of frustration as ten long minutes ticked by, convinced she wouldn't text you back. The last conversation you had hadn't gone well, and you were starting to think it was all over between the two of you, for real this time. Just as you were about to give up and put your phone back on the nightstand, you heard a familiar chime. Your heart leaped into your throat as you saw that it was her.

1:27 am "lol your little gf can't make you feel good like i do?" 1:29 am "omw"

In just 10 minutes, she was back in your apartment, in your arms, and inside you. It was almost like nothing happened like she hadn't just made you cry for a whole month for getting with the girl who made you deeply insecure. All her 8 inches buried deep into your soaked hole, stretching it out and making it hurt, but it felt good. "Is this what you wanted, hm?" she kept mumbling random things into the crook of your neck, not that you were listening to anything she was saying; she was fucking you dumb, and you couldn't seem to focus on anything else but her thick strap pounding into you relentlessly, hitting your cervix just right. You were a mess, literally. "Ellie...nngfuck.. slow down" you breathed out between incoherent moans, panting like a fucking dog in heat "Take it, slut. Show me how much you missed me." She hissed, thrusting hard into you, all your juices spilling out of your pussy, making a mess on your pink sheets. All she wanted to do was destroy you, mark you as hers.

"C-can't," you whined as pornographic moans left your throat. She groaned deep in her throat, savoring the sounds of pleasure falling from your lips, almost as if her life depended on them. She missed this so much. She missed you so much. She increased the pace, pushing deeper into you each time. Her hands moved to your hips, gripping them tightly as she continued to thrust her hips against yours, her thrusts becoming faster and harder, your breath coming out in heavy gasps. "So fucking tight, baby," she panted, her voice hoarse with need "You belong to me, don't you?" She bit down on your neck, her teeth grazing lightly against your delicate skin, leaving behind a mark as evidence of her claim over you; you whimpered at the sensation. You were hers, no one else's. She wanted to mark you all over, hoping your girlfriend would see the hickeys on your breasts and neck the next day.

All you could do was nod frantically, "m'yours, all yours" you babbled out, painfully arching your back. So fucking incoherent. Especially after promising yourself that you would never let her lay a finger on you ever again. But you were desperate, you needed to cum, and you needed her right now. "That's my girl, only I can fuck you like this, yeah?" Her hands roamed all over your body, pinching your nipples and rubbing your throbbing nub harshly. She wanted to hear you beg for her and admit how much you needed her. She needed you to need her.

"Tell me how much you missed my cock." She demanded, slamming into you again and again. Your high-pitched moans filled the room, each one driving her wilder. She could feel her own climax building as her clit bumped against the back of her strap with each thrust; the sound of your pleas combined with the tightness of your pussy around her strap-on were enough to push her closer and closer to the edge. You felt that familiar sensation build in your stomach; you were close. "Soo much, ahhh!...missed it, yeah.." you couldn't even put together a proper sentence. Her grip on your hips tightened, tugging slightly as she continued to thrust into you, hitting the spot that had you rolling your eyes into the back of your skull, over and over until you couldn't hold back anymore.

"That's it, whore. Cum for me. You don't belong to anyone else," she snarled, her voice laced with possession. She knew just what to do or say to push you over the edge, and it worked every single time; that's why you ran to her whenever you needed a good fuck. She could feel your body tensing up and your pretty pussy clenching around her strap-on. You came simultaneously, your combined moans filling your cozy bedroom, her well-defined abdominal muscles glistening with a thin layer of sweat. She rolled you over, so now you were on top of her, riding out your orgasm on her silicone cock as she ground her clit against the back of her strap. "Oooh fuuuck!" you cried out as pretty moans left your mouth. She took in the sight of you on top of her, her strap still buried deep inside you, riding her cock; your tits bounced as you did so, a sight that she loved. No one did it like you. No one was remotely as good as you. She took a glimpse of your cum sliding down the strap, you were so fucking wet, and nasty wet sounds filled the room, but she loved it. "Fuck, baby," she groaned, clenching her teeth tightly together, causing her jaw muscles to bulge prominently. Her hands gripped your hips, guiding you as you moved your hips, setting the pace, your eyes locked on hers the entire time. Her fingers dug into your skin, leaving small marks that she knew would fade within hours but would always remind her of this moment. Her veiny hand reached up, grabbing one of your breasts, squeezing it firmly and twisting the nipple between her fingers. Your breath came out in ragged gasps, her eyes never leaving yours as she watched you take her cock like the fucking slut you were. "Taking me so well, such a good girl f'me, aren't ya?"

"El..." you whined as she toyed with your nipple. You weren't going to last long; you were still sensitive and your pussy couldn't handle it. "'m gonna cum again!" you cried out once again, bouncing faster on her thick strap. She watched you with unabashed hunger, her eyes never leaving your body as it moved above her. She thrust up, meeting your movements, pushing you closer to the edge. The sight of your tits bouncing in time with your thrusts and the strap disappearing inside your juicy-coated pussy almost made Ellie cum right then and there. Your thighs started to tremble, and she could feel you clench around her dick; your gasps and moans becoming more frequent. She wasted no time, her fingers digging into your hips as she slammed you down on her strap, making you cry out her name, "Just like that, yeah...take it."

When you finally collapsed against her, panting heavily, Ellie couldn't help but smile. "Mine," she rasped, her voice thick with possession and satisfaction. As your bodies finally came down from their highs, breaths slowly returning to normal, she pulled out of you, leaving your wet and sore pussy gaping open. You whined at the sensation, suddenly feeling empty.

The smile plastered on her face faded as you pulled away, the coldness in your voice seeping into the air between you two as you told her to return to her girlfriend. She reluctantly mimicked your movements and sat up, breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Her eyes met yours, searching for any trace of warmth or affection, but all she found was distance. She grabbed her clothes and started to dress herself quickly, trying to calm down, her movements precise and controlled, hiding the hurt and anger she felt at your words. She was confused. You had called her, and she thought you were ready to take her back into your life. She wasn't expecting you to discard her like a toy. "I see how it is," she muttered, her voice cold and distant. She gathered her belongings, not meeting your gaze. "I shouldn't have come here." When she was fully clothed, Ellie turned to face you, her eyes filled with regret and anger.

"Yeah, you shouldn't have," your tone coming off as sharp and cold. You put your shirt on, struggling to process what happened. You missed her so fucking much, and the sex with her was also something you missed a lot. You knew she was right when she told you that no one could fuck you like she did; your girlfriend couldn't even make you cum, while Ellie knew precisely how to touch you to make you feel good. "Can't believe it...Dina, really?" you muttered under your breath as you got dressed, catching her off guard. Your outburst was so sudden neither you could understand it. She could sense the jealousy in your voice and knew exactly what was going on, and the realization made her feel a twinge of satisfaction. "Is this what it's all about? Me fucking with Dina?" she scoffed, her eyes rolling in annoyance. But despite her outward annoyance, she was secretly glad you still cared and got jealous. It meant that you had never indeed gotten over her. You struggled to maintain eye contact with her, the words "Just…get out" barely escaped your lips. You felt a burning sense of shame for letting your jealousy get the best of you, but at the same time, you couldn't help but release all the pent-up emotions you had been holding in for so long.

She snorted from her nose, shaking her head in disbelief, almost amused by all this "Just say the word, and I'll dump her ass," she said in a flat tone, her emerald green eyes staring right back at you as she placed her hands on her hips. You could tell she was serious, as there was a hint of desperation in her voice. She was hoping you'd ask her to drop Dina's ass and come back to you, but of course, you didn't. "I would do anything for you" desperate, so fucking desperate. You let out a deep sigh and firmly shook your head, looking into her eyes. You could see the pain and desperation in her gaze, but you couldn't just let her back into your life like that. "Go," you repeated yourself. "Fine, whatever," she sounded so pissed, disappointed. For a moment, you wanted to take your words back, but you knew that letting her into your life again was the worst idea ever.

✩ That night only made it incredibly difficult for you to move on from her (not that you could before), but she was all you could think of. You found yourself constantly yearning for her at every moment of the day. You'd often text her, and she would always come over, no matter what she was in the middle of. She was willing to drop everything to be with you and 8 inches inside you or between your thighs. Even if she was out with Dina, she didn't seem to care — it became obvious that something was going on between you and Ellie. You couldn't understand how Dina couldn't tell that Ellie was cheating on her with you.

6:34 pm "Baby, need you" 6:36 pm "I'm so wet, been thinking about you all day :(" 6:37 pm "proof??"

✩ One of the things you used to do quite regularly was sending her nudes. You would send her nudes on Snapchat unexpectedly, mostly to surprise her or get some sort of reaction from her. Sending snaps to tease her was one of your favorite things to do. Whether it was a picture of you in sexy lingerie or a video of you playing with your pussy, riding the purple strap she had left at your place weeks ago. You loved making her horny, and it always worked. She would always end up knocking at your door, eager to fuck you or eat you out.

"Teasin' me like that in public — tsskk," She mumbled against your throbbing core as she teased your clit with her tongue. Your legs were on her shoulders, and you watched her head disappear between your thighs. Your fingers tightly gripped into her auburn hair as she devoured like a starved animal, so pussy drunk. But even in that state, she was such a sight.

✩ You were the only one she could think about, even when fucking her girlfriend. Her mind too fixated on the cute little whimpers that left your mouth when she was inside you or sucking on your clit. The way your legs trembled when you were close, your hips jerking away from her when it became too much for you. No one could make her wet like you did, it was a fucking curse having to fuck someone else while thinking of you, hoping that would be enough to trick her brain into thinking she was fucking you instead.

✩ She would save each of your snaps into her phone's gallery and meticulously organize them into a special and hidden folder she had created just for you. This folder contained not just your nudes but plenty of other stuff — from intimate pictures you'd send her to videos she'd take while fucking you. She would go through the folder occasionally for personal use (iykwim).

✩ Your girlfriend was quick to pick up on something odd going on. She'd notice how you would turn your phone upside down, making sure the screen was facing whatever surface to make sure she wouldn't see your ex-girlfriend spamming your phone with texts (she would do it on purpose, by the way). That's how she knew something was up, but for some odd reason, she brushed it off.

✩ She was fed up with your stupid girlfriend constantly in the way. Why weren't you breaking up with her already? She couldn't understand; she was trying to be the best version of herself for you, yet you were still not hers. She tried everything to get you caught, like texting you while your girlfriend was around, sending you risky snaps, calling you...but nothing seemed to be working. So, she decided to hurry things up by texting your girlfriend and sending her some evidence.

She selected a video from her gallery to send to your girlfriend, writing a text message to go along with it before hitting the 'send' button "is this ur girl?" In the video, she was strapping you from behind, and you were telling her exactly what she needed to hear, "Better than your stupid girlfriend, yeah?" "Y-yes. Oooh fuckk. nhhmmm...faster, please" "Can she fuck you like this, hmm?" "No one can fuck me like y-you do...pleaseplease faster"

✩ Your girlfriend felt hurt and betrayed after realizing that you were using her to make your ex jealous, and she ended things between you two. You didn't seem to be affected by the breakup significantly, as if you had been expecting it all along. Honestly, it was almost as if the relationship never existed to you.

✩ Despite feeling indifferent towards your recent breakup, you were furious that Ellie had been the one who caused the end of your relationship. Who was she to control your life in such a way? Well, she couldn't give a fuck, to be quite honest. Seeing you with other girls consumed her from the inside. Nevertheless, she did not break up with Dina.

✩ But of course, you couldn't just let it slide. You already had a plan.

You were at Ellie's place, your back pressed onto her messy blankets, your leg on top of her shoulder as she held the other one firm, adjusting herself on top of you, to be more precise... on your pussy; grinding her wet pussy against your dripping cunt as filthy wet sounds and whimpers echoed in the room. Her hips moved in a slow motion, her green forest eyes fixated on yours. You reached to her nightstand to grab her phone, "Can I...nghhm... record us, baby?" you managed to utter between soft moans as she rode you, her movements became more desperate, chasing her own orgasm. "Record how good m'fuckin' this pussy?" her voice was husky, her breath ragged. Her head rolled back as she continued to grind against you, moaning at the friction, and her eyes fluttered shut. You unlocked her phone and quickly went through her contacts, pressing on Dina's name to start the call. Although the plan seemed foolish and overused, it worked out perfectly.

Dina appeared at Ellie's doorstep in no time to shout at her while you listened from her bedroom. You were amused by the drama that was unfolding before you. It was entertaining to watch Ellie deny the evidence. Dina's voice rose higher and higher as she accused her of sleeping with her ex. When Dina stormed out of the apartment and slammed the front door behind her, you emerged from your hiding spot and leaned against the doorframe, gazing at her with a mischievous grin on your face. Your arms were crossed over your chest as you watched her, waiting to see her reaction. When she turned to look at you, her face etched with confusion and surprise. You shrugged nonchalantly and said, "My finger slipped," with a lopsided smile.

She snorted and shook her head, but you could see the amusement in her expression, "Such a bitch," she said, though you could tell she was trying to suppress a smile. For some reason, she couldn't help but find it funny, she knew she deserved it.

✩ She gradually made her way back into your life, taking slow but steady steps to regain your trust and affection. And before you knew it, she asked you to be her girlfriend again. You hesitated at first but eventually gave in to the strong feelings you still had for her. The first few months of your second chance together seemed to be going smoothly, or so you thought. Then, one day, out of the blue, she broke up with you, claiming that she needed a break from the relationship.

✩ Your heart was shattered into countless pieces, struggling to comprehend where it had all gone wrong. And to make things worse, it seemed like you were the only one suffering, while she appeared to be completely fine, almost as if she were unbothered by the whole situation. You had poured your heart out, begging her to give your relationship another try, but she seemed to be holding back, almost...distant.

✩ But that didn't stop you; you were determined to win her back. You tried everything in your power to get her to love you again, just like she used to do when she wanted to win you back. You started showing up at her place unannounced, always with little surprises for her: her favorite snacks, flowers, handmade stuff, and love letters. But unfortunately, all your efforts seemed to be in vain. The more you tried, the more she pushed you away. You couldn't tell how she had switched so fast and went from doing anything to get back with you to this.

✩ When you asked her for an explanation, she said she felt emotionally unavailable. She went on to say that she wasn't sure if she still loved you and that she needed a break. You could see the hurt in her eyes and feel the weight of her words as they slowly sank in. It was a devastating blow that left you feeling utterly destroyed. The pain you felt was almost too much to bear.

✩ She promised to come back to you once she felt better. Months passed, and she didn't return. You were left feeling lost and heartbroken, struggling to cope with the pain of the breakup. To move on, you tried to distract yourself with other things, keeping yourself busy with work, hobbies, and spending time with friends. As time went on, you slowly began to heal and accept that it was over. When she unexpectedly came back, you were already over her.

"im ready to give us another try" "Ellie, it's been a fucking year." "and?"

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sidsinning · 10 months

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the movie aint better ya goofs (don't read if you don't wanna hear my slander lol,,,)

"Movie!Gabriel is better than show!Gabriel because he actually cares for his son and gets redeemed"

istg this fandom's obsession with redemption needs to END

Morally better character ≠ better writing

Can I just get a piece of media that tells kids "hey, ur abusive parent was an asshole, and even if they had humanity you do not need to reconcile and forgive them in the end" bc I feel like that's what show!Gabriel leans towards which is great

Gabriel barely talks to Adrien in the movie and suddenly when he sees him under CN's mask his entire reign of terror, his determination to see his dead wife again ends in a tearful hug lmao come on now

("but the ending where Adrien suddenly loves his dad again???"- Astruc has been pretty blunt on Twitter that this perfect society you see in S5's ending is built off of a lie, so Adrien is def not gonna just keep that view)

"Adrien actually stands up to his dad in the movie!"

Movie!Adrien is legit a normal human boy, not a sentimonster who is literally physically incapable of fighting back against whoever has his amok

He DOES fight back (even in S1 as CN!), but people like to remember the show only up to S3. Guess what, he learns to fight back and stand up for himself through his growing bonds and relationships with those around him through character development ✨✨✨

Also, he is an abused kid??? In the show?? How can you knock him down a peg for not fighting back,,, 😭 Adrien's lesson isn't that he needs to learn how to fight back, it's that Nathalie shoulda called cps sooner!!! In the movie they are much more of an estranged father-son pair than anything abusive. So obviously the back talk is much easier too. Movie!Adrien gets to go out alone and with friends unless his dad has specifically planted an enemy where he is. Show!Adrien has been beaten, mind controlled, forced to hurt Marinette, isolated and locked up, etc.- he has been TERRIFIED of his dad multiple times.

"Marinette isn't an obsessive stalker in this!"

SIGH.

Man I am so sick of this complaint- the show has never rewarded Marinette for her obsessive behavior. BC IT IS A CHARACTER FLAW. One they use for cringe comedic purposes, but a flaw nonetheless. Every time she has done anything that hurts others in pursuit of Adrien she is punished by the writers. And bc the show has an episodic monster-of-the-week format, this plot is recycled a lot (which is its own complaint). And guess what? SHE STOPS BEING OBSESSIVE. YEAH. SHE STOPS DOING THAT SHIT- so what do you want now??? She grew out of it after it costs her the miraculous so why tf are yalls still hurling this at her like its a L,,,,

This Marinette is just a watered down boring version of show!Marinette. She's just a girl who gets insecure at times but grows confident bc she's Ladybug. Ok. So is our Marinette but MORE. Our Marinette is super smart, creative, resourceful, an overthinker, extremely kind and selfless to others, gets jealous and reckless when her emotions get the better of her, etc. She is fully formed even after watching just 3 episodes of S1.

Like the fact that they didn't even bother to include the oh so important hook of the show- her lucky charm power- shows they didn't care about doing this story justice- its so transparently lazy writing 💀 (miraculous of creation where??? CN gets cataclysm for destruction but what is movie!LB bringing to the yin yang table,,,)

Legitimately all the comparisons I'm hearing from people saying the movie is better are from those who just aren't caught up with the show where Marinette is no longer toxically obsessive with Adrien, where the plot/lore is insane but 10000000x better and more creative than what the movie gave us, the love square was much better developed EVEN FROM JUST THE ORIGINS EPISODES, etc. Istg these people stopped at S3 where the show was at its worst (if I were to pinpoint it)

Everything is so watered down or changed for the worse

Adrienette bonding was 1 conversation and 2 seconds about his mom in a voiceless montage. Marinette didn't fall for him bc of his kindness after a misunderstanding, it was bc he looked handsome in the library's light lol. He called her weird and didn't think twice about putting on his earphones to listen to more alpha podcasts. You really do wonder why she likes this dude over her partner CN bc they have no connection at all.

Movie!Adrien was an asshole don't you dare do show!Adrien dirty by comparing him to this ellen degeneres alien lookin mf

When movie!Adrien is crying after Mari reveals herself as LB, unlike the show, here you're like "yeah no you only like her now bc she's LB lol"

Anyways feel free to enjoy what you enjoy but uuuuuhhhh this movie getting a 3/10 for me would not rewatch

Oh wait the good things

-Visuals

-Some Ladynoir scenes were cute, like them playfully fighting with the accidental wall pin

-I liked Ladybug moving away from CN's kiss- nice hint of angst

-Chloe's coffee stain scene

-Luka cameos were cute

songs were bad or mid

ya das it

I guess feel free to talk to me in my inbox about your own thoughts if you wish (respectfully plz)

#ml #mlb #miraculous ladybug #ml movie salt #ml movie #miraculous awakening #sidrabbles #rant #making me dick ride for this show so hard is so sick and twisted but i cant let the germy stans remain unscathed #millionaire corporate ceo is ur manz huh come on now

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suwbuns · 1 year

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E-DATERS! | catfishing

SYPNOSIS. moving back to korea from america, y/n is excited to reunite with her old friends and make new ones. what she doesnt expect is to find herself reuniting with her “ex-boyfriend” from 10 years ago who she dated over minecraft. what makes things worse? he happens to be her favorite streamer who she has been pinning after for years.

written + screenshots below!

with a random youtube video playing on one monitor and his minecraft browser running on the other, beomgyu briefly glanced at his second screen, scanning the chat log to see if any join message had appeared.

he had been on his computer for almost an entire 24 hours, not that it was different than his normal routine, but what made it different was the fact that he had been waiting specifically for her the whole time. he spent 2 of those hours exploring the world that he hadnt touched ever since the day he had realized that y/n was not coming back, swarmed with past memories and nostalgia that pressured him into wanting to talk to her again.

13 year old beomgyu waited days for her; when his parents were asleep he would secretly sneak down the stairs to the family desktop and when he would get out of school he would rush back home and go straight to his computer, each time logging back into the game to check for any signs that she might’ve been there.

she said she would only be gone for 2 weeks, but for 5 whole months he waited for her.

even til this day, beomgyu had no clue why he cared so much about the girl he never met. a childish online relationship that managed to have such a tight hold on him.

“this is ridiculous” he scoffed at himself, realizing the situation that he was on that had him waiting on her, again.

“all this for a girl, who for all i know, might not even be a girl!” he threw his hands up in the air, growing frustrated, he moved his mouse to click out of the game and possibly never return to it again.

diamondgirl123 has joined the game.

completely freezing in his tracks, his eyes fixated on the join message and read it over and over again. the tight grip that he had on his mouse loosened, yet his cursor had still hovered over the exit button.

diamondgirl123: hey

diamondgirl123: um sorry for leaving so suddenly earlier, i was just startled

diamondgirl123: its been a while tho, how are u?

furrowing his eyebrows, a million thoughts had swarmed him, causing him to feel conflicted about her sudden appearance. he didnt know why he felt such anger and annoyance, after all, didn’t he stay in hopes that she would show up?

he wanted more from her. that out of those years he was left hanging, didn’t he atleast deserve better than that? disregarding her question, his fingers flew across his keyboard to type a response.

gamerboycbg01: yeah, it has.

gamerboycbg01: why show up now lol, you did a good job disappearing.

he anxiously drummed his fingers against the wooden surface of his desk, beginning to overthink if whether or not his reply was too rude and blunt, considering its been a while since they last spoke. before he could type out an apology, a new message appeared from her.

diamondgirl123: im sorry.

diamondgirl123: do you have a social media we can chat on? ill explain everything there

diamondgirl123: it just feels weird to be having a serious conversation over minecraft lol

gamerboycbg01: uh yeah gimme a sec

with the adrenaline running through him and his anger subsiding at her sudden question, beomgyu felt himself panicking at the thought of having to expose his identity. ripping his headset from his ears, beomgyu bolted across the hallway and opened a door abruptly to jeongin in his computer chair. his knees were pulled tightly towards his chest as he sat back, engrossed in whatever k-drama that he had yet to finish.

his head snapped towards the boy who walked through his doorway, rolling his eyes and continuing to fixate his attention on his screen when he realized the culprit of the interruption.

“ever heard of knocking? what if i was—“

“yeah yeah i dont care” beomgyu interrupted. “i need another twitter account, do you still have the password to the account with a decent amount of followers?

“why? are you planning on catfishing some random girl to prove to us that you are capable of being good with women?” he responded, chuckling lightheartedly at the boy. “because im telling you, the only thing youre going to get out of it is your name trending on twitter and 50 thousand lost followers.”

following his snarky remark, jeongin received a slap towards the back of his head, yelping at the sudden pain.

“alright fine!” jeongin frowned, rubbing the back of his head as if it would aid in settling the sensation.

“yeah i still have it. you better change the account name though,” jeongin said, taking beomgyu’s phone out of his hands to type in the account details. “because the last time i used this account, i was catfishing as some 10 year old girl to catch online predators for content.”

beomgyu hummed in response, obtaining his phone back from jeongins grasp. scrolling through the account, beomgyu made a mental note of the things to change, including the dozens of inappropriate tweets before he could send the profile to you.

“do you think you can give me another name with the same initials as me? cbg?”

previous | masterlist | next

taglist. @openingssequence @suburbiataehyung @shinypieceofgarbage @koeuh @captivq @beowmgyu @qluvrv @ikaeryn @whippedforbeomgyu @i8lhee @heyanonymous123 @vanicogh @sulliefimmie @tae-ology @milkycloudtyg @ox1-lovesick @soobsfairy444 @sulliefimmie @jaxavance @peachenle @pokyloky @peachybeom @alpha-mommy69 @fatoompie @ashxxkook @soobsdior @viagumi @rikismiel @luvsoobs

fun fact! jeongin gave the name bogum because park bogum was the lead actor in the kdrama he was watching 😭

a/n. sorry i didnt post yesterday i literally knocked out when i got homeee. but idk if i will continue daily updates we will have to see, also i caNT WRITE FOR SHIT 😭😭😭

#beomgyu fanfic #beomgyu imagines #beomgyu smau #beomgyu x reader #txt beomgyu #txt fanfic #txt imagines #txt smau #txt x reader #beomgyu #txt scenarios #txt #tomorrow by together #txt oneshots #beomgyu oneshots #beomgyu scenarios

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creatingnikki · 8 months

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notes to self: existing delulu land edition

knowing yourself and your needs and accepting then instead of ignoring them or forcing yourself to change is the first step towards most of what you want. once you understand that, you can work around it, you can work with it.

your need is connections. human connections that are authentic and warm and present. you don't like people who are absent and those that are inconsistent in their communication. it makes you anxious and triggers your overthinking qualities. you want to feel secure in the connection you share with the person and presence, consistent communication, and actions aligning with words are the basics of that.

so you don't force yourself to not want connections. you just make sure your life is full of wholesome, fulfilling, beautiful ones. you pick the good ones and you say bye to the bad ones before they develop into sources of unnecessary agony and hurt. you realize how to limit the impact of a connection with someone and how to deal with disappointment.

feeling good about yourself and being at peace with yourself, at least a little bit, is what will help you have clarity about what you want in a relationship and in your life. because then you won't be using people and situations as maladpative coping mechanisms or a way to soothe your insecurities or fill holes instead of fix them.

what do you not feel good about right now? the lack of stability across most aspects of your life? you're working on it, I know. and it's hard, I know. but you have to continue. for yourself. and to also form the kind of connections that you seek the most with others in life.

you have to lower the volume of social media and all these cross connections. meme culture and reels and echo chambers that make you feel like being delulu is the only solulu and that everyone is depressed and everything is fucked and adulting is the worst. because the truth is that it may make you laugh and humour helps but subconsciously you start believing these narratives and then it becomes the normal. but when the fuck did it become okay to normalize feeling tired and sleepless all the time? girl dinner and sad boi hours? situationships and casual dating when such intimacy means something to you? if you were 19 maybe you could let all this be a part of your vocabulary and life. but at 26 when you're seeking a balanced, healthy, good life and future, you have to reduce your consumption of the internet content and really protect your brain.

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lucexcedis · 7 months

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out of the world | 1

i have several friends. friends from the saem organization, friends from highschool, friends in my neighborhood, and online friends. i usually try my best to be always “me” before them, so i won't have to switch personalities over and over again. i usually blurt out what's in my mind most of the time (especially when face to face) because use i spend so little amount of time to ponder the right one to say; trying to be funny although my jokes could be a little offensive or... idk, dark. i take almost everything as a joke. occasionally, i become serious when really needed. that's why i overthink a lot about how my friends perceive me. i can't easily trust compliments. i have already developed an auto-deflect against them. i do most of the time feel liek i ain't really a friend. or am just a fading character that only becomes a friend when there's an own appearance. would my friends really acknowledge me a friend when i ain't around? do i really acknowledge them as one? are the feelings mutual? i have tons of things to ask, but i find it too difficult to find the perfect right way to start. i could no longer fully understand what it is to have a relationship with any people— romantic or platonic. i once thought i could probably survive having zero friends. it made me feel liek i don't really have to exist.

i have someone i used to call my best friend. she was who i had since childhood. but the pandemic occurred and we gradually drifted apart. those two years were the darkest of my times— maybe it was hers too, idk. i don't know anything about her anymore, maybe i didn't really know her in the first place. we were so close to some extent where we share secrets and thoughts that most people wouldn't agree upon. we backstab others, haha (sometimes but not extremely, it's usually just making fun of them)— but what happened to us? thinking about how we were in the past few months is quite devastating. you were gloomy, and i reached out to you, pushing me away still. she couldn't open up to me, hence i waited for long, but she would always maintain a massive wall between us, which made me lose hope on our friendship. we see each other almost weekly, but whenever i try to be close to you again, you'd thwack all your excuses on my face. i wanted to get inside of her head. but i'm too afraid she wouldn't liek it, liek how i hate it so much when someone does. if everything we had in the past long gone now, i just wanted to know what she currently think of me.

i have a current best friend right now. he's afar from me. we barely see each other, but we often talk in a certain social media platform. we've been friends for only six months, yet. it feels liek being his best friend too is a little forced, liek we wanted to have someone, so when we saw each other, we're immediately best friends though we hardly had any experiences together. idk, i couldn't remember how exactly it went. but i could say he is the closest i have. i approached him because he seemed liek an interesting one, and turns out i was right. but he also sucks because i think he has more red flags than green, actually the greens of his that i could think of.... countable by only one hand. he annoys me most of the time(??) but i love his “must-protecc” sides sometimes. i have zero idea what made me let him be close to me, because he's definitely someone i would avoid at all costs. he knows almost everything about me— i opened up because i look up to him. sometimes, if not most, it feels too unreal. liek eh? i am this interesting person's friend? wao. however, my inferiority complex splattered again all over my skin and i would just sometimes want to more blurred. he's the cream of the crop and i'm just a mob chara. there were times i wished everything would revert back to normal (having him by your side means everything around you's no longer normal) but meh, it is what it is. he was someone that i wanted her to be as my friend. but that doesn't mean he's a replacement. he has his own space in my world. surprisingly, he has his own world. liek a person. he has a favorite person, i mean. so i try to be as a normal friend as much as possible without causing harm to them. to some cases, i feel envious. but i do really pity his person sometimes, lol. i never understood his complex character. and it kinda guilts me that i also don't bother. but right now, i just hope he lasts because the affection i have for him is something i also can't measure yet. it has deeper roots and complicated conclusion. this is my first after all.

i was told by him that he's the type of friend that would just make me happy for finally appearing. he might be right, or not. i honestly have no idea, he hasn't done it.

yesterday, i felt a strange amount of being out of place. asking my girl friends for their plans so i could invite them, and then a sudden realization that they have their own worlds where i'm not really part of, or a world where i'm just a peck of dust. or maybe that's what i think about myself so i project it to them. that, horrible. the loneliness is such a complex emotion for me, why am i feeling it? where did it come from? is it really loneliness?

will i ever be able to understand myself and the way i perceive my relationship with others?

these are all i could say for now. i kinda lost the mood.

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iamda05 · 2 years

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My Clone Oc Tanger (part 1)

Tanger forgot what generation he was, he forgot his Ct number too. He isn't really in a battalion but volunteers as a therapist for the surving clones of krells battalion. He studied psychology at Kamino university because he kept getting beaten up at combat training, because he has strong opinions about things out of empathy for others. He understands his brothers but his brothers don't understand him. Also fun fact: he doesn't brush his hair, and yeah, he's named after a mall. Tanger is very dedicated to his personal beliefs, the butterfly squad stories are an account of his discoveries through living with 6 other clones who are all bad people, but also good ones at the same time, it's just you who determines who they are. Tanger always analyzes the meaning of things in clone culture and he represents clones as a culture in his descriptive novels, he's not very good at fighting or following orders, but is good at talking about why people do those things. Yes, when he wrote those books, he may or may not have pretended to be a Kaminoan. Tanger dosent feel like a clone trooper because of his overthinking and forgetting everything all the time, Tanger is wise, but not like an owl, more like a butterfly, I know that sounds cringe. He feels guilty about everything too. The meaning of life is Tanger, nothing you can do about it. He thinks battles are dumb and doesn't do them, he would rather try to talk to the droids, he thinks the clankers are hilarious, and wants to adopt one, Tanger loves the clankers too much to fight them, and he understands their just like clones, goofy and cute! Tanger also thinks count dooku would be interesting to talk to. When none of his brothers are around, Tanger likes to hang out in the medbays and reply to posts on the holonet with a datapad, his comments are really smart tho, also when he's in the medbay just hanging out there, he likes to overhear the researcher's conversations on illnesses and try to understand them. Tanger is online friends with Fives. Tanger also likes to break up fights and his strategies always work. At the end of the war Tanger dosent mind the empire because he always found palpatine to be really funny and nice, his knowledge of palpatine is only shitposts he sees on social media btw, and secret funny clips, he loves palpatine as a meme, so if there's an empire there's more memes. He thinks everything going on in the galaxy is funny because of all the time he spends on social media. During order 66 when he gets the headache and it says good soldiers follow orders, he's like jokes on you I'm not even a soldier, Tanger actually regularly gets headaches too, so he doesn't mind it and thinks it's normal. Tanger never dies, like his soul transfers to the greater multiverse at the end. The butterfly squad stories are about relationships/psychology. And my other clone ocs names are Dagny, Korts, Checkereye, Davian, Shatter, and 744, and it's about the complicated relationships and personal beliefs between all of them. Tanger is really social and always asks to many personal questions right off the bat, he feels comfortable going up to random people and being nosy. More multiverse clone shit in the next one bye

#clone troopers #clone trooper oc #clone oc #star wars the clone wars #clone trooper ocs #clone culture #clone ocs #clone trooper headcanons #clone wars #the clones

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salemwritesxx · 3 years

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𝓽𝓱𝓻𝓮𝓮 𝔂𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓼.

𝔹 𝕒 𝕜 𝕦 𝕘 𝕠 𝕦 𝕂 𝕒 𝕥 𝕤 𝕦 𝕜 𝕚

⇴ male reader [24, pro-hero, alpha, quirk: ice-phoenix] ⇴ all characters are depicted as [18]+

↳ summary: Bakugou and [Your.name] were dating, about to get married. Though one morning, everything that was dear to [Your.name] was brutally ripped away when he found a letter from his fiancé. Katsuki was gone, no traces left behind. And now, after three years [Your.name] was suddenly confronted with the reason when he meets his ex-fiancé again in a small town in Hokkaido.

↣ rating: mature ↣ warnings: abo universe, male pregnancy, bonding (biting for the bond mark to appear), drama / angst that turns into a happy end though; angst ending version read here.

AN: This was inspired by @amgjiks ’ request they sent in a few months ago! posting this story under your original request feels kinda “wrong” since I’d be ignoring half of what you requested basically so imma keep the original for when inspiration kicks in, in the future :)

part 2.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

Walking along the streets, you didn’t have a destination in mind. Just walking around and letting fresh air clear your fogged up brain. You had been overthinking – again. It was one of those days were you couldn’t help but think back to three years ago. Tomorrow three years ago would have been the date were you and Katsuki would have said “Yes”, but alas… it all came differently.

Running your hand through your hair, you sighed deeply.

“I need to stop thinking about this. It’s been so long! Like this, I will never be able to forget him.”

But how were you supposed to forget the love of your life? Especially when it all came so quickly and out of nowhere? One day everything was fine, the next, he was gone. And as much as you tried to find him, despite him stating in the letter you shouldn’t try, it was all in vain anyways. It’s as if Bakugou Katsuki had never existed. Even his parents, that were always very much in love with you as their son-in-law, completely ignored you and cut you off.

It was such a deep cut, even time wasn’t able to heal anything. The last three years were rough. Sleepless nights were a normal thing by now. And while media praised you for working so hard on your hero career, you just pushed yourself like that so you wouldn’t need to think about the past. Because when you were working, it all just faded away.

However, after collapsing one day, the agency forced you to take time off and so you landed in Hokkaido. Far away from the bustling streets of Tokyo, your gloomy small apartment and your work place. With nothing to do, you found yourself overthinking day and night. If you just could ask him one question.

Why?

Putting on his scent-blocking collar, Bakugou suddenly felt a little tugging on his t-shirt, hence he looked down. [Eye.color], big eyes stared at him and the toothy smile immediately had him smiling as well.

“Are you ready to go outside, Hiroto?”, he asked his son who looked so much like you, reminding him every day what he had done.

“MH! Can I bring Popo?”, Hiroto’s big eyes sparkled a little, making it very difficult for Katsuki to say no, hence he nodded a little.

Watching his son, it only took a few moments before he came back with his stuffed animal, it was a phoenix. Rather, it was your merchandise. It… was complicated.

“Ready to go?”

“Yeess!”

And so, Katsuki locked the door behind him, leaving to go for a walk around the block and a quick park visit.

Leaning against a bridge, you stared down, still pondering. If you had just acted differently, maybe you could have saved your relationship. Whatever it was you had done, it pushed him away from you and it was eating you inside to not know what the reason was.

You didn’t know how many hours you had been wandering around town, trying to stop thinking, but as always, you only thought harder the less you had to do. Hence why you decided to go back to the inn you were staying at.

After hours outside, Hiroto was tired, his plushy Popo hugged tightly against his chest as he silently walked besides Bakugou along the streets. One more time, Katsuki tried to pick his son up, “Hiro? Want me to carry you home? Aren’t you tired?”

“NHN!”, he shook his head, “Daddy is never tired when he fights the bad guys! So I am also not tired.”

Hiroto was stubborn as he kept walking besides Bakugou who was just sighing a little. It was his own fault, but he couldn’t lie to his son. Without even thinking about it, Katsuki talked about you whenever you were on TV. He didn’t know why he just couldn’t keep quiet about you being Hiroto’s father. So now, whenever you were on TV, Bakugou had to lie and say you were in another country fighting the bad guys, even though you were still in Tokyo, mere 4 hours away with the train. But Katsuki couldn’t come back. Not after he had hurt you so much. It was his decision to raise Hiroto alone. You deserved to be successful, it had been your dream. Kids just weren’t a thing you had planned for, at least not with 21.

Being caught up in his own thoughts, Bakugou didn’t see you on the other side of the street. Neither did you see him. Both of you staring ahead, thinking back to three years ago, what had been and what it could have become. However, something connected you both. You never had a chance to bond with him, was it a tradition in your alpha family to bond during the wedding night, but your connection was different. Said connection was looking up and across the street.

Hiroto just looked around tiredly when he saw someone. Someone he had seen on TV multiple times. The little boy didn’t know how many times he had wanted Katsuki to show him YouTube videos of you fighting.

“HAAAHHH!? DADDY!?”, a piercing cry came from the little one, shaking you and Katsuki awake. The latter immediately grabbing Hiroto, but.. it was too late.

“HIRO?!”, he yelled, though his son ran across the streets.

You, on the other hand, were so incredibly confused. There he was, standing literally on the other side and then there was a little child, running towards you and calling for you. Was this the “Why?” you had searched for, for so long? You couldn’t think about it when your legs moved on their own to get the kid out of a potential dangerous situation.

It was a blessing that the small town didn’t have much traffic, hence why you could easily run towards him, scoop him up and get back to the safe sidewalks in mere seconds. You didn’t want to imagine what could have happened in a busy city like Tokyo.

Then you stood there, awkwardly holding Hiroto who was crying and sobbing into your t-shirt while Katsuki’s own emotions were all over the place. The Omega had never imagined the possible chance of meeting you again. After three years, all he had built up from scratch to have a comfortable life far, far away from you, as to not disturb your career, it all broke apart.

However, Bakugou wasn’t the only one hearing something shattering, your own heart dropped into your stomach. The already broken pieces shattering more when you saw the pure horror displayed on his face. This was not how you imagined meeting him again. He hated you. You were certain of that. Whatever you had done to him, he never wanted to see you again. It all was so clear to you now it almost brought you to tears then and there.

Your inner Alpha was strongly urging you to just grab him, Katsuki was your Omega, even if you never had a chance to mark him, that’s just how it was. He was yours. But…

Slowly pushing your son away you put him into Bakugou’s arms. There were no words said, the only thing disturbing the silence was Hiroto’s sobbing. Especially when you loosened his tight grip on your t-shirt, he started squirming and screaming, trying to grab onto you more. He had seen you on TV so many times and now you were right in front of him. Yet, Hiroto had to watch when you turned around and left him behind.

You had so many questions rushing through your head, but at the same time, you couldn’t bring yourself to utter them out loud. Not after seeing Bakugou’s expression. This was never supposed to happen. Even if your heart yearned for answers, especially regarding his son… your son?

Without thinking about it, Katsuki put Hiroto down to let him run after you once again. It was such an impulse thing to do, he truly didn’t know why he had done it. Though after three years, why should he hide anymore when you had seen everything now? Also… after so long, he might have not been able to ignore his heart’s desire and yearning any longer.

It was so incredibly hard to ignore Hiroto’s crying and just walk away as if it had never happened, but for the sake of Katsuki’s happiness, you chose to go. However, a sudden tug made you stop. Looking down you saw ice around your ankles. It was weak and thin, easily breakable really. Hiroto’s? When you turned around, he had already clutched your leg tightly. Why?

When you looked back up, Bakugou also stood in front of you, his ruby eyes shimmering a little.

“Do you … want to talk?”, he finally asked, his voice breaking at the end though as he tried his hardest not to cry. What was he doing? It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen you in like three weeks, it had been YEARS since he left without any other word. Why would you even want to have anything to do with him or Hiroto?

“Yes!”, you said and it truly caught the Omega off-guard. After everything he put you through… If he was in your position he probably would have been so angry and furious, but you just seemed exhausted and tired.

But finally, you would be getting some answers.

All night long, you couldn’t sleep. After you had calmed down Hiroto enough, Bakugou gave you a little piece of paper with his address on it. “I work until 7. So we can talk without any disturbance.”, he said when he gave you the information. It was probably for the best. You didn’t want to imagine what would happen when your feelings would overcome you out in a café. [Your.hero.name] seen screaming in Hokkaido – you could see the news all over the internet already. So, it was probably for the best to meet him at home.

But that didn’t mean you weren’t nervous. How had your ex-fiancé been living his life the past three years? It was all exciting and scary at the same time to find out those things.

When you knocked on his door, your inner Alpha was impatiently pacing up and down. It was as nervous as you. But when the door opened and Katsuki stood there, you were sure for the first time in the last 12 hours, that it wasn’t a dream. Walking inside was heaven and hell at the same time. Everything smelled like him. The Omega’s scent was so familiar, but another one was mixed in – probably Hiroto’s.

“A friend of mine is looking after Hiroto tonight so he won’t be dragged into this.”, he said, nervously fumbling with his scent-blocking collar.

It was weird wearing it at home, but for you and himself, he had to wear it. His Omega had been going in circles ever since he met you again yesterday. It wanted to be taken and to be honest, Bakugou was also close to surrender to you. But it wasn’t that easy. You probably had so many questions.

“Oh… Yeah that’s for the best. Katsuki.”, you suddenly stopped in the middle of the hallways.

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry I can't wait, but you need to tell me now. Hiroto, he… called me Daddy and he has an ice quirk… so I am not wrong to assume that he is… our son?”

Katsuki could vividly feel your emotions, the Omega was shuddering, his throat dry and hands sweatier than usual.

“Yeah…”, was all he could choke out.

“Oh.. my God.”, you just mumbled to yourself. Hearing it out loud was like another punch in your stomach.

“Did you… leave me when you were pregnant?”, was your next question, still standing in the middle of the hallway.

However, Katsuki couldn’t even blame you. There were so many questions left unanswered.

“We were too young…”, his ruby eyes were shimmering again with tears, but he tried his best to keep them at bay.

“Too young?”, you were speechless for a moment, before looking back, “Why didn’t you tell me?! Why did you just… leave? Why… did you do everything yourself?!”

Now you were finally angry. After so long, you just couldn’t understand why he would leave you without saying anything. It could have all come differently if Katsuki would have just been honest!

“You had your career?! A baby didn’t just… fucking fit into our lifestyle! What else could I have done?!”, Bakugou yelled back. He knew it would come to this.

“SO?! You also had your career, we were both working hard to become well-known heroes so that’s not a fucking excuse. What else?? You seriously ask me?!”, you gestured wildly.

“You wouldn’t have wanted to raise a child, it was too soon!”

“It was NOT your right to decide that for me!”, you yelled, your voice breaking as tears welled up.

Bakugou once again being a little taken aback. His heart was racing and his tears so close to falling.

“You could have asked me, we could have worked it out.”, the first tears successfully fought their way out as they rolled over your cheeks.

“I loved you SO MUCH. If it was possible I would have literally brought you the stars from the sky. I would have done anything. And you? You just leave. Without anything but a letter telling me you cannot marry me. Do you have the slightest idea how I felt?”, your voice was shaking and breaking here and there, but it was freeing to finally let it all out.

“I thought it was for the best. I didn’t know what to do.“, Bakugou’s voice was so uncharacteristically weak and small.

“You didn’t know?? Did you never trust me, Katsuki? Was I just- such a horrible Alpha to you? Did you think I’d force you to an abortion? Was I not good enough to be a father?!”, you asked trying so hard not to scream, but all these pent up feelings, it all just gushed out without any sort of valve to stop yourself.

“That’s not it! I knew you wouldn’t do that, I just-“

“WHAT? Please tell me why! Why?! Why was I not worthy to be your mate? Why did you refuse to tell me and just leave?! Why did you chose raising OUR baby alone, I-“

“I DON’T KNOW, OKAY?! I don’t know! It was a fucking stupid decision out of nowhere!”, he finally screamed back, tears cascading down his face.

“Don’t you think I have regretted it? Do you think I LIKE being a single parent?! I know I fucked up. I know I threw it all away because I panicked, okay?! I just panicked and before I knew it I was on the train.”, Katsuki sobbed, desperately wiping away his tears.

“We were so fucking young! We had planned to marry, we were talking about saving up for the future to build a house, to have a family in like 10 years or more. But… But I just messed up! I forgot to take my medication before going into Heat, it was my fault I got pregnant- I… I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. Throw everything we planned out the window because I was too fucking stupid to remember.”, his voice broke horribly, being squeaky from time to time as Bakugou’s guilt just overflowed.

The Omega was shaking and instinctively, you and your inner Alpha wanted to protect him. Hence why you wiped away your tears and took a deep breath to calm yourself.

“I know I messed up. Fuck.”, he cried and yet laughed at himself. Hands buried in his hair, Bakugou just wanted to cease to exist in that moment. He had done so many things wrong in his life. The only good thing that had ever happened was meeting you and falling in love with you and even that he destroyed.

He was gasping for air due to talking nonstop while gesturing with his hands wildly. And then, you just hugged him. Your Alpha scent surrounding him and soothing him. Your arms strong and warm, just perfect to melt into them and let everything loose. Oh, how he had missed that.

“I just… wish you had given me a choice. I wish you would have trusted me more. I would have done anything for you and our baby. It would have been hard, I know, but I am sure we would have been able to make it work.”, you quietly said while soothingly caressing his back and letting a quiet, calming purr erupt from your throat. A sign how close you truly were as you would never purr for anyone else than Bakugou.

“I’m sorry.”, Bakugou sobbed and clawed at your clothes, “I love you and I missed you and.. it was so hard alone, but I know I don’t have any fucking right to complain about it because it’s all my fault and I hurt you so much and-“

You hugged him a little tighter.

“I regret everything, I… I… can you forgive me? Can you give me a second chance? I know I don’t deserve it. I know…”

Had you ever seen him so weak before? No. And it truly tugged on your heart strings. There is nothing you wanted more. Get back together. Be happy again. But-

“Katsuki… have you ever thought of coming back to me? Like, if I had never shown up, if I had never found out… wouldn’t you keep on living without me just fine? Don’t you think this is your guilty conscious speaking? You don’t want me. You don’t need me.”

That was the last thing you said before you pulled back from him at last. Bakugou was quite speechless, just staring at you, red, swollen eyes and a tear-stained face made it hard to just go. But it was for the better. Even if he had regretted it, he was never pushed so far as to come back to you. Like that, maybe it was for the best.

Though before you could turn away, he grabbed your hand.

“Katsuki…”

“I wanted… during the pregnancy, after Hiroto was born and every time I saw you on TV, I was so close to leaving all of this. But at that point, I was too fucking scared. I had no right to go back… There are so many letters I’ve written and never sent. [Your.name], I… I literally have a suitcase ready to go. I’ve been waiting for some sort of sign or I don’t know and now? You’re here. Right here in front of me. I know it’s foolish and I’m stupid and have no fucking right to demand this from you, but please… Let me come back. Please forgive me. Please… be Hiroto’s father.”

He had never in his life begged. His superiority complex definitely wouldn’t allow for any of that, but right now was different. He realized the hurt he had caused. How wrong he was. Bakugou had regretted running away in the first week of living in Hokkaido. He always told himself it was “the right thing”. So maybe it was pathetic that he came crawling back, but if there was a slight chance you would take him back, he just had to take it.

You just sighed. Your heart was confused. While your heart screamed yes over and over again, your brain was telling you no. What if it was just a spur of the moment thing? What if he would leave you again when things would get tough?

But then, you looked down and onto his hand. The gold engagement ring you had gotten him around four years ago was still on his ring finger.

“You still… wear it?”, you asked as you reached for the hand that gripped your wrist tightly. His hands were shaking still – you have never seen him like that.

“It’s the only thing that kept me connected to you…”

“Katsuki…”

Reaching out, you cupped his face with your big hand, the Omega instinctively leaning against it. It was okay. Even if you were to get hurt again. Even if you forgave too quickly. Everything was okay now as you leaned in to connect your lips.

Holding onto you immediately, Bakugou’s fingers clawed at your t-shirt not wanting to let go ever again. Your lips melting together, emotions overwhelming you both as you pressed him into the wall. One hand reaching up to his collar. It took mere seconds for it to snap open. Then it fell to the floor, unleashing all of Bakugou’s Omega scent.

It being overwhelming was quite the understatement. Your knees were weak and legs shaking. You couldn’t resist the urge to bury your face in the crook of his neck.

“Oh my God…”, you moaned as you slowly slid down onto the ground with him, Katsuki just whimpering as he hugged your body as close as possible.

He would never let go again – never!

With your teeth gracing along his neck, your sweaty bodies collided over and over again. Bakugou only able to sob as he held on to your hands tightly, nails digging into your skin and almost drawing blood.

You were hovering above him, hearing his cries and sobs. The sweet scent from his neck being so irresistible. You just wanted to bite. Mark him. It had been a tradition in your household to do so on your wedding night, but…

“Do it…”, you suddenly heard.

Bakugou could barely choke it out, ruby eyes filled with tears of pleasure as he whispered one more time, “Do it… It’s overdue…”

And then, without thinking twice about it anymore, you grabbed him tightly while your teeth sank into his skin.

A marvelous burning pain rushing through his body almost made Katsuki pass out. The sweet torture of being bonded to his mate was almost too much. That was all he had longed for, for so long. He didn’t know why you would take such a coward like him back, but he was so grateful and plain… happy.

Once you opened your eyes the next morning, it all felt like a dream. Especially when you reached to your side and it was empty.

Sitting up abruptly, you looked around – definitely not your room. So what happened last night was not a dream. However…

Without putting anything on, your heart was beating so fast when you rushed outside the bedroom door. Flashbacks to three years ago were haunting your mind.

“Katsuki?”, you tore open the next door, prepared to just see another letter on one of the tables.

Though it, thankfully, wasn’t the case. There he was, standing in the kitchen, your flannel from yesterday the only thing covering his body while he was talking to someone on the phone. Unintentionally, tears had formed in your eyes, but now, you just sighed shakily and wiped over your eyes quickly.

Bakugou, who had turned around once he heard you calling for him, certainly had his heart sinking in the pit of his stomach.

That was his fault.

“Okay… okay, thank you.”, then he ended the call and turned to you, “Sorry, it was about Hiro. Akitoshi will bring him over before lunch.”

“Ah? Mh, okay.”

“Hey…”, putting his phone onto the table, he walked towards you. The Omega’s strong arms wrapped around your waist as he cuddled against your chest.

“I am not running away again. I promise.”, Katsuki barely whispered.

Hugging him tightly with your hand buried in his hair, you just quietly sighed and then kissed his forehead before leaning your head against his.

“I know. I just need some time.”, you also said quietly and Bakugou understood.

Hence why he reached out to cup your face, smiling softly.

“I love you.”

A small smile also flitted across your lips. Your hands cupping his own as you leaned down to kiss him.

“I love you, too.”

Walking back into the bedroom, Bakugou soon lost the flannel again as he slipped into bed, snuggling against you; legs tangled and naked bodies melting together. Unintentionally your hand had slipped down to his belly. That’s when you felt uneven skin and a scar underneath your fingertips. Yesterday, you were caught up in all your pent up emotions too much, so you didn’t notice.

It was his C-Section scar.

“Katsuki?”

“Hm?”

“Tell me about Hiroto.”

Subconsciously, his lips curved into a smile. That you wanted to know more about your son melted his heart but also made him feel more guilty. If only he could turn back time.

“Yeah.”, and then, he started talking and you just listened to the soothing voice of your Omega.

There were three years to catch up on, but due to Katsuki telling your son about you all the time, at least it was easier for Hiroto. With how he was clinging to you yesterday, it was obvious he loved you even though he had never met you in person. And you wanted to be there for him at last. You had only met him yesterday for a brief moment but your heart was already filled with so much love that you wanted to give to him.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

@salemwritesxx || do not repost, edit, modify or translate my works

⇻ salem.talks: I’d love to know what y’all thought of this story? :) once again I took inspiration from the request and I am pretty happy with the outcome!

#salemswriting.#bakugou katsuki #bakugou x male reader #bakugou x reader #bottom bakugou #bnha x male reader #bnha x reader #abo #mpreg #omega bakugou #bakugou

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1eos · 2 years

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Kendra! I was wondering your opinion as you’re the tumblr philosopher on these matters and I enjoy and agree with you on your literary critiques. But Lately (past year or so) I’ve seen a lot of comments along the lines of “does this drama have a happy or sad ending” literally any video on Instagram that has a collage of dramas or movies you’ll find comments like this or ones like “this story isn’t going the way I want I’m going to stop watching” I honestly am so confused I swear this is a newer phenomenon where people decide what to watch based on if the ending is happy or if the story comes together the way they want.

Like, I understand —sometimes I am only in the mood for something sad or dark so I can cry, but, I never determine what I’ll watch based on the ending! are people asking about the ending so they can watch in peace knowing it’ll end how they want? They can’t handle the events or the narrative if the happy outcome isn’t there? Is this like a side effect of fan fiction and self-insertism? Or an over-reliance on escapism? I am so confused by this and I see it on such a large scale.i can’t help but be bothered by it when I’d normally just mind my business but I feel like it’s so derivative of the work and feels like it’s enabling people not to be affected by work if it hurts them or is tragic or complicated. Maybe I’m just overthinking this and need to log off Instagram sometimes

oh let's DISCUSS!!!!!!!!!!! i've noticed this phenomenon too nd i mainly think its another fallout from fanfiction 😑 like when ppl say 'does it have a happy ending?' MOST of them are not asking if the story's themes take a turn that's upsetting or if there's heavy triggers (bc when ppl want to know abt triggers they straight up ask abt triggers) they're ACTUALLY asking 'does the story end how i want it?'

it's hard for me to put into words but nowadays ppl start getting into a piece of media not with the intent of enjoying what's there, but actively fighting against what something is to create fandom fodder. FOR EXAMPLE ppl who watched squid game or all of us are dead but get upset when........ppl die? its a fucking death game show and then zombie drama like what do you expect??????????? ppl are LITERALLY fighting against what the narratives are supposed to be.

and like you said there's nothing wrong with wanting to know if a piece of media is super heavy emotionally or super fluffy bc sometimes you want one or the other. nd there's also nothing wrong with wanting to know abt any specific triggers in a piece of media. that makes sense. it even makes sense for something's tone or message being offensive to you so you drop it.

BUT imo there's a difference btwn accepting that you and the narrative of what you're engaging in just aren't compatible and being upset that this piece of media isnt something you can control and make your own. like what even is a happy ending to these ppl? is it everyone living and getting what they want? well is the narrative about people facing consequences for their actions? is it in the horror genre where characters are EXPECTED to die? is the happy ending two characters ending up in a romantic relationship? ok but is the narrative about how the characters need to accept themselves before focusing on an intense romantic relationship??

my point......a lot of times when ppl ask 'does it have a happy/sad ending' theyre bypassing everything abt the possible themes and narratives involved bc a good/bad ending is entirely subjective on what actually goes on in the story. so you asking that BEFORE engaging with it is boiling it all down to your preconceived desires........the cookie cutter approach to media..........being totally detached from what's actually in front of you. that's why ppl are mad that a marvel movie isnt a gay romance movie. or being mad that people die in a show abt a fucking death game

the rise of fanfiction has people sooo adverse to accepting the story put in front of them its crazy like ppl have forgotten that writers (sometimes) actually have a story to tell with specific messages!!!!!! this isn't burger king!

#tl; dr: you can wish an ending was different but just bc its not exactly what you wanted that doesnt make it bad #sometimes it makes it bad but i think ppl forget stories can make u feel emotions #its not just an escape fantasy #if thats what u want watch that #but literally don't watch a tragedy nd get mad when its not structured like a disney movie #oh thats what i forgot to elaborate on ppl totally ignore genres #theyre fucking telling you this is NOT a romance why are u getting mad when its not......a romance #its crazy ppl just see a character they like and want to change everything abt where they come from nd what they go thru #asks

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merakiui · 3 years

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WAIT WAIT! Idol!Rapper!Scara and his soon-to-be s/o collaborating and singing a song like "eight" by IU ft Suga, imagine fans being hella surprised bc they thought it would be more of a diss battle between them but instead it's a more sentimental, peaceful song. And while that dissing battle would've been a lot of fun, Scaramouche really likes the final result and listens to it every day, every time he misses you. Maybe he should start to make his interest a little more evident to you.

YES!!! Scaramouche has that song on repeat. This man listens to it religiously: from morning to the afternoon to the night. And when he falls asleep he dreams of you and your splendid voice. He is so in love with you and that only becomes more evident with each dream. He’s not even sure where to start in terms of displaying his attraction and so he ends up being even meaner to you on social media as a result. His replies are sharper and deadlier than before; it really feels like he hates you, but you don’t seem bothered by it. Your responses are just as callous as his.

One evening he’s indulging in this expensive wine his manager gifted him and he ends up drinking a little too much. Normally he can hold his alcohol, but this one is strong and when coupled with his restless emotions it brings on a strange haze of intoxication. He’s not thinking properly when he grabs his phone and finds the direct message he has with you. The last time he insulted you in private was weeks ago. You never take the initiative to start a long-lasting conversation with him. That implication would’ve hurt him if he wasn’t so drunk.

Scaramouche barely manages to type and send the words: Let’s get coffee. You and me. Right now. For once autocorrect is his savior. And then he passes out at such an ungodly hour, his mind wiping that text from his memory.

When he wakes up, he feels the miserable aftermath of his decision to drink so late at night. Hungover and bitter and very tired, he checks the time on his phone and spots the notification. You replied to his message. At once he’s filled with panicked confusion. What message did he send? He can’t recall sending anything. Did he leave a comment on one of your posts again? Is that what this is?

But then he reads his message and his heart stops. He’s an idiot—a fool who was drunk out of his mind and was absolutely not ready to ask you out on a date. Well, it’s not really a date. It’s just mutual acquaintanceship...or something along those lines.

But your response is absolutely startling: What’s this???? Scary asking me to get coffee at four in the morning?? 😳 I must be dreaming.

He hates you and it’s solely because your follow-up brings color to his face.

I’m free this weekend! I actually know a good place, so if you’re up for it let me know! ;)

Despite being the one who started this conversation, Scaramouche wants to decline your invitation. He was drunk. It was an honest mistake. He doesn’t actually want to hang out with you. It would be way too awkward and he’d probably say something stupid because he’s an idiot. Because he overthinks things and doesn’t know how to go about a relationship without muddling everything. Because he’s not good at expressing his emotions and opening his heart to someone.

I guess I can make time for it. 🙄 Let’s meet up at the train station. Saturday at nine. Don’t be late, loser.

He’s an idiot, but a successful idiot nonetheless.

#idol scaramouche #meraki faves #THIS MAN HAS MY HEART HELP #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #genshin chit chat

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itsmeanyango · 3 years

Text

FIRST HOUSE PROFECTION YEAR

The first house, also the house of ascendant or rising sign is the house of first impressions. This is how you are perceived by others. While the sun is the house of I am, how you see yourself, the ascendant is how people see you because of how you represent yourself. We can also call it the house of me, because it really is about you.

The first house has Aries energy as that's its ruling sign. What does Aries rule? The head and energy levels. All signs might lose it this year if they do not practice self control. Aries is also ruled by Mars, the God of war.

A first house profection year is about you. Ruled by a fire sign, you burn but you choose how you burn. Ages affected: 0,12,24,36,48,60,72,84,96 and so on

The first house profection year also tends to be the year of ones Jupiter return (age 0 doesn't count). Jupiter return is either a year of flourishing or challenges. I will do a Jupiter return post if you want.

Also support my patreon:

Self discovery is the theme this year, so is selfishness. Selfishness, not greed. Selfishness to mean taking care of yourself and making sure you are good.

First house profection year in a fire sign may mean you find yourself into intense relationships fueled by passion, showing off your body or features, doing a lot of self discovery very loudly. You may thrive on social media. You want to be seen and you will make sure you are seen. With Aries being the house ruler, you may fight anyone who stands in your way or who you perceive as a threat. Careful, do not burn everything down because you want to be yourself. Being dramatic in outfits and how you express yourself. This may also be the year you make discoveries about your sexuality. Experimenting with sex seems probable, be safe in this panorama.

First house profection year in a water sign may mean your self discovery will be related to emotions. You may get into mindfulness activities, therapy, yoga, nature walks or even watch movies and or series that are touching. You may also overreact and be very easily triggered this year. But as I mentioned, the first house is ruled by Aries. Aries is ruled by Mars, the God of war. Emotional outbursts may be present. Dreams may also be vivid and have meaning, write you dreams down as you may find a message or messages. Listen to your intuition. People with mental health conditions may be overwhelmed or find ways to manage their mental health better.

First house profection year in an earth sign may mean anger issues this year. Earth signs are normally grounded, but this year is about them and they decide to stand up for themselves. They are not watching things slide as usual. You cross the line, they check you quick. Blame Aries for this. But its also a learning experience for them, you don't always have to take the higher road. People will take advantage of that and push you around. You may also be unnecessarily stubborn this year, reevaluate your opinions because you are not the only sober minded person in the room.

First profection year in an air sign may mean communication might be at an all time high because their creativity juices are overflowing. They are doing many things at once, they are multitasking. They are everywhere. Burnout and half baked projects will be the challenge. Create a schedule that is workable so you do not get burnt out or have many projects half done. And for goodness sake, stop saying yes to everything. Stop accepting to work on every project that comes your way. Stop accepting all invitations, stop being available to everyone because in your 2nd house profection year you will hate yourself for that. Double check your work and STOP doing work for FREE. Put a price on it. Your thoughts might also be rushing in and all over, mediation or calming exercises can help you calm them so that you do not overthink or overanalyze. Overthinking that job application will make you miss the submission deadline.

In conclusion, this is not a good year to get married or have children as conflicts are high and you might neglect your children or blame them for taking away your freedom. Be careful about any commitments you make this year. Especially 24 year olds, be very careful this year.

Song: Burn it down by Linkin Park, Shining by Beyonce ft JayZ, Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen(any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me-was the lyric that crossed my mind for 1H profection in air signs, so be careful air signs)

#profection year #astrology #earth signs #watersigns #air signs #fire signs #firstprofectionyear #aries traits #arieshouse #ariesrulership #firsthouse #ascendant #mars astrology #jupiter return

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wota-tenebrarum · 2 years

Text

This is mostly for me

I just wanted to write something out, I guess. Not like, well, so don’t expect some kind of thoughtful essay or anything. But my quest to stop being so lonely ties in very closely with my aromanticism so I’ve been thinking about that a lot. The reason I never thought of myself as aro until recently was because for a long time I like... didn’t know that was a thing. I haven’t had the butterfly feeling in 20 years, and that was back when my hormones were all over the place because I was literally, like 13 years old. I had a girlfriend in the summer of 8th and 9th grade, and even then I distinctly remember thinking after going for a swim with her and a friend “oh her friend is kinda cute too, can I also date her???? is that a thing??????” And I also remember watching sitcoms and movies where people regularly have relationship problems and thinking “this is so easy to fix, I would simply not behave this way.” Like, every romantic conflict in media looked to me like the characters were overthinking everything. None of it made any sense. Then there was the time I went on a date in 11th grade with a friend of a friend from kung fu class. Well, I didn’t really realize it was a date until much later (burgeoning aro things I guess), but still. It was a date. And I did think that girl was pretty cute, and she was physically stronger than me which I remember being REALLY excited about. But that never went anywhere, because even after seeing her again and like, bumming around a mall for a little bit, I still didn’t feel like we were on a date. I didn’t feel like, a spark or whatever. I just felt like I was hanging out with a friend who was hot. Then about ten years ago I was studying abroad here in Japan, and there was this girl I thought was cute, so I started talking to her. And again, she just felt like a friend, but I felt like... like that’s just how it goes? Like you start just by hanging out like normal, and then the butterflies come later. But the butterflies never did come with any of these people. There are sooooooooooo many times I can think of where someone was DEFINITELY interested in me, but I never picked up on it because I never understood romance from the beginning. A friend of mine who I did end up having a lot of sex with was apparently into me the whole time and may still be almost 4 years later, uh oh (another friend let it slip), but I never felt the same way and honestly never realized she did either. For years I’ve just kind of assumed I had a sex-related mental or personality problem because I was so heckin’ horny all the time but absolutely never felt the butterflies. It made me worry that deep down I was predatory or misogynistic or something. This problem was further compounded by the fact that ace and aro get lumped together all the time. Because lol, I’m definitely not ace, but even after I learned the word “aromantic”, it didn’t feel like it was for me because I’m not asexual. For a time I also had an asexual Twitter friend who was sex-repulsed to the point that she thought all allosexuals were disgusting, predatory trash who should die (it’s why we don’t talk anymore), so like, yeah. Exclusionary and hostile ace discourse really fogged up my picture of what I am for quite a while. Only after moving to Japan did I figure out that aros don’t have to be asexual, because I was explicitly told so, and only recently did I even learn the term “alloaro”. But I’ve still got no idea how to explain this in Japanese, much less how to find somebody here who’s cool with it since Japan’s still a little behind on the queer identity stuff. Years of not understanding what I really needed has left me with no idea as to how to find people to have sex with, and it’s actually something I really, really enjoy so I’m kind of stressed. I really like being physically close with people I trust and helping them have a great time. A point of pride with regards to my unfortunately limited sexual experience is that every time I’ve managed to do it, the other person felt very well-loved (as a friend, from my perspective at least) after it was over. I’m not saying I’m like, a pro, but I’m saying the other person will definitely feel like I really value them and am excited about the chance to be physically affectionate with them specifically. Like, I’m apparently good at validating people in this particular way, and it’s something I want to be doing more often because it’s quite personally fulfilling and one of the only situations in which I feel real confidence. And also I love 2 nut lmao But like, yeah, because I don’t really have the tools or social skills for casual sex, I’m sort of left in this weird grey area where I have to rely on the possibility of a friend one day blurting out “hey wanna fuck”, which is how I managed to get the experience that I do have. How do I find people to have sex with?????????? Especially here in Japan, most likely via my second language that I’m quite good at translating but a bit less good at speaking? What the fuck do I do? I lack fulfillment; my soul is withering lately and validating people through sex is something I think would help me a lot. And I see absolutely no problem with just like, going on Twitter and shouting into the crowd of friends and fellow idol fans that follow me “ayyyy anyone DTF???? No-strings-attached sex available now! I literally just want to make you feel good and have a good time doing it! If u cute, please let me know if you have ever thought about me in that way, even in passing, I’m totally down!”, but like, I know most people would be really put off by that. But like, what the fuck do I do??????????? I don’t know any other alloaros to ask about this, either. I’m just sort of stuck. Somewhat related story: I used to talk regularly with this cosplayer/indie porn lady who used to flash me in public and ask me dirty questions, and I didn’t pick up on her interest AT ALL because again, I don’t really have the tools to do anything with that. If she had just said “hey let’s bang” I’d have been THERE in an instant, but because her interest was communicated through (extremely obvious) hints, I didn’t pick up on it. Because I am stupid and unprepared. I could have been having so much freaky sex this whole time, you guys, and my stupid, socially inept ass was just like “lol she’s so free with her body that’s great I love that for her. I wonder if she’d ever give me a shot.” And she didn’t! Because I missed my chance to notice she was trying! CCCCCCCCC:

#I am unfortunately straight #But I use people here so as to not preclude the possibility of meeting a nice trans or NB buddy with whom to visit Pound Town #aromantic #alloaro #aromantic allosexual

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sunflowerim · 3 years

Text

I LOVE YOU 3000!

-PART 42

Weekend 8

When you want time to slow down, it happens to roll faster. Saturday had arrived in the blink of an eye.

"As much as I like having you, don't you think you gotta talk to Lou?" Niall said Saturday morning, handing Harry his cup of coffee. Harry had taken to crash at Niall's place random times of the day since the uneventful incident on Wednesday. Not a single text exchanged with Louis. And lots of media training.

"And say what exactly?" Harry replied coldly, taking the cup from Niall, "that I have to stoop so low for the publicity of my movie?"

"First of all, stop that. Celebrities need publicity and you're new to this field and it'll do you good with the general public. But yeah I don't consciously agree with the whole "stunt" thing," Niall frowned, "and that's why I want you to talk to Louis. Explain stuff to him before he gets the wrong idea."

"No Niall you don't understand."

"Then enlighten me."

"It's all very new to me okay. My feelings for Louis. Me coming to terms with my sexuality. It's all new. And I'm scared Ni. I really am."

"H, but you told me Louis likes you too right? And I know him man, he's a good friend before everything else. He'll understand."

"Louis didn't have a very good image of me okay- and it took me some time to make him trust me, and to low-key make him believe that my media image isn't me. Trust me, I don't have it in me to tell him that I'm a guy who fakes a relationship for the sake of promo. I value relationships man and he does too. So if it's making me angry, rest assured he'll be pissed too."

"God Harry you're overthinking. You never cared what people thought of you."

"Louis isn't people Niall."

"Then TALK TO HIM."

"I don't want him to hate me."

"He will not. Trust me."

"And it's not just that," Harry fumbled with the coffee cup, "Taylor is involved too. And you know how Louis worships Taylor, I don't want him to think less of his idol either. It'll crush him."

"But it's not your fault Harry, and I think it'll be easier for you guys if he knew it was for show."

"I suppose you're right Niall, but I don't have it in me to tell him. He'll think of me as a shallow spineless celebrity. Again."

"You're being paranoid."

"And you're not being a good friend," Harry said, setting down the cup rather too hard.

Niall softened at that and said soothingly, "ok how about this, today's a Saturday. Go to Louis', spend some time with him and just skip this topic. You're missing him. I'm sure he's missing you too."

"How will I face him after what I did last time?"

"Just go on with whatever story you made up that day, since you don't wanna tell him the truth," Niall said, sounding a little disappointed.

"I hate lying to him," Harry replied sadly.

"Ok I'm running out of options here. Just go meet him alright, everything will be fine."

"Fine," Harry sighed, "if you say so," Harry said getting up.

And he drove off to Louis'.

Back in the apartment, Louis was distractedly stirring his fourth cup of tea. It was 11a.m. and he hadn't had any breakfast owing to the fact that his helper was on a sick leave and he didn't feel like ordering either. Clifford was kept prodding his knees, probably sensing Louis' sad demeanor.

He was wondering whether he should just visit his sister for lunch when the bell rang. Louis' heart skipped a beat. It couldn't be Harry could it, Louis thought with a start. No that'd be absurd. Harry had possibly lied to him, abandoned him and ignored him for three days. Why would he come here now.

With his heart in his throat, Louis opened the door. And there standing with his silly gorgeous green eyes and stupid beautiful curls was Harry.

Louis' heart sank to his stomach.

"Hi Lou," Harry said slowly, eyes struggling to look into Louis'.

"Um hi?" Louis asked still standing at the door.

"Can I come in?"

Louis was so lost in his thoughts that he missed the question. His mind was burning with questions. Why was Harry here? To apologise probably. He surely had a reason for his behaviour last day and Louis will listen to whatever Harry has to say.

Harry cleared his throat and repeated, "Will you not let me in Lou?"

Louis' mind came back to the boy in front of him and he moved aside to let Harry in without saying a word.

Clifford leapt up to Harry and barked madly with joy. He was clearly missing his friend.

"Ah good to see you too Cliffy," Harry said, bending low and scratching Clifford's fur.

He stood up again, facing Louis, "I'm really sorry for the other day Louis. It's just I couldn't find a way out." Harry's eyes kept flickering down to his hands, which he was nervously wringing. Still lying, Louis thought.

"Are you sure it wasn't something else?" Louis asked in a calm voice.

"No," Harry replied, still looking down.

"Okay then," Louis said, walking over to the couch and picking up his cup of tea again. "Make yourself comfortable," he said before sitting down himself.

"You're having tea now? How many cups have you had already?" Harry asked.

"This might be my third one." Louis wasn't looking at Harry either. He kept his attention on his phone.

"I'm sure you haven't had any breakfast."

"And?" Louis looked at Harry and raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing. I'll make you some," Harry said, walking over to the kitchen.

Louis didn't find it in his heart to stop him. Maybe if Harry was trying to fall back in their normal habits, he'd eventually talk about whatever the fuck was going on.

Louis didn't join him in the kitchen where Clifford kept running around Harry. He stayed in the couch listening to Clifford and Harry's conversation. Clifford had missed him. Louis had too, but he'd eat avocados sooner than admit that.

Harry made a quick breakfast and called Louis over. Louis ate in silence, aware of Harry's intense gaze on him but every time he looked up, Harry would look away.

"Okay, are you gonna tell me what's bothering you?" Louis snapped.

"Wha- nothing. Nothing." Harry stammered.

Louis took a deep breath to calm himself. "Sorry for that. You know what, take your time. I'm here. I'll listen whenever you're ready."

And Harry could've kissed him, but he kept himself in check. He'd probably had lost his privileges. Louis was so understanding, Harry didn't deserve him.

"I just wanted to spend some time with you and maybe watch a movie."

"Oh yeah," said Louis, remembering something, " the last one's left, I'll put it on."

Louis didn't set up the projector this time. He simply connected the player to the television and settled back in the couch as Avengers Endgame started playing.

Harry didn't know about Louis, but he could hardly focus on the movie himself. His mind kept replaying his previous visits to the apartment, to various funny incidents, to some heart warming ones, to last weekend-

No. Harry couldn't think about it. That hurt. He couldn't imagine how Louis must be feeling at that time.

The movie was showing Iron Man tucking his daughter in bed and his daughter saying, 'I love you 3000'.

Harry glanced sideways to see that Louis had a little smile playing on his lips. Harry made a mental note to remember that it probably held importance to him.

Harry kept fidgeting in his place and in a few minutes, Louis had paused the movie.

"What's wrong Harry?"

Harry didn't know what to say so he kept staring at the motionless character in the television.

"Is this about last weekend?" Louis continued, "Did I cross the line? Do you regret it? Because if so I'm really sorry about that."

Harry looked at Louis with a horrified expression on his face, trying to ignore the pang of sadness it was causing him to know that Louis thought that way.

"Regret? What? No Louis. I don't regret anything. I could never," Harry said earnestly, hoping Louis would understand.

"Then why are you ignoring me?"

"I'm not-" Harry replied, sounding unsure.

"You are Harry. You're making me feel like I was some random hookup for you and trust me, it doesn't feel good." Louis' voice broke.

It made Harry miserable, seeing Louis like that and he wondered for a brief moment if he should take Niall's advice and tell Louis everything. Louis' presence made the decision easier. He was ready to blabber everything to Louis when his phone rang. Fucking Manager.

"Hello," said a gruff voice from the other side.

"Yeah?" said Harry irritably.

"Where are you?"

"That's none of your business it is?"

"Turns out it is. Did you forget about your outing with Taylor?"

"Ofcourse I didn't. It was on 3rd of July," Harry wanted to punch his manager.

"Which happens to be today."

"Wha-" Harry quickly moved his phone from his ear and checked the date on the lockscreen. July 3rd, 2021. Harry wanted to punch himself. "Okay yeah, um, I didn't notice the date, so uh, is there any way we can postpone this? I'm really busy right now-"

"Taylor is already here. The car is waiting outside your house. So, no."

"Damn it. I mean yeah-"

"Hurry up."

"Yeah I'm coming."

Louis obviously could hear only one side of the conversation and he clearly understood that Harry had to leave. Again.

Harry turned to look at Louis, his eyes apologetic, but Louis looked away.

"Lou-"

"It's alright, just go okay."

"I'm sorry about this."

"Sure you are," Louis replied, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"What- what's that supposed to mean?"

"Are you sure you're not doing this intentionally?"

"How could you even think that?"

"I'm trying to understand the situation Harry. In two months we became closer than ever, so what exactly did I do in the last few days for you to avoid me. I'm sure it's not work related problem, because then you'd have told me."

"No Lou you don't understand-"

"I think I do."

"Lou please, you have to believe me, whatever I'm doing, it's because I don't wanna hurt you."

"Well, guess what, you already did."

Harry tried to reach out for Louis but he moved back a few steps, away from Harry's touch. "Just leave Harry."

Harry's face fell at the last words. He tried to speak again, to make Louis understand, but no words came out and eventually he thought it best to leave. With great difficulty he made his way towards the door and left.

And after a while, Louis left for the gym to channel his frustration to someplace useful. He didn't let himself feel sad about the fact that him and Harry were no longer close, that some unknown barrier had introduced itself in between.

The Next Day

Zayn was overjoyed to see the mail. He could actually see Louis' face as he told him about it. Louis would be thrilled. And his designs on Harry! He had some amazing outfit ideas for Harry. Zayn remembered that the first time he'd heard about Harry being his client he'd refrained from telling Louis about it because back then Louis wasn't exactly on pleased at Harry's existence in general. But now that he was absolutely smitten by Harry, this was going to be nice.

He set off for Louis' at once deciding to surprise him with the news being oblivious to everything that was going on between Louis and Harry.

He stopped by McDonald's drive-thru to grab Louis' favourite milkshake and hash browns.

Harry knew what was coming and he couldn't hold himself back anymore. Louis would be seeing the article soon. He couldn't imagine what Louis was going to think about him. Once again, he felt courage build up in his stomach. He was gonna tell Louis. He dashed to his car and drove off before his paranoia returned.

Back in Louis' apartment, things weren't looking that good. Louis had forgotten that he'd turned on twitter notifications for Harry's update account. So, when his phone vibrated with a notification, he clearly wasn't prepared enough to absorb whatever he was seeing. He hastily clicked on the notification and froze at the contents of the screen.

Louis was stunned. He waited for a few seconds before he clicked on "undo retweet". No he wasn't gonna mope about Harry, Harry who simply didn't ever care about Louis, Harry who kept lying to him. Louis shuddered to think about all those times he thought him and Harry actually had something. Was Harry lying through it all? He couldn't think about it anymore. No,no, no. He won't think about Harry. He won't let him affect him. Enough of all that shit. He sat frozen in his spot in the couch when the bell rang.

Louis absent-mindedly made his way to the door. His heart sank when he saw who was standing outside. Harry.

"Louis believe me! It's not what it looks like," Harry said, panic stricken.

"Get out of here," Louis' ocean blue eyes bore a thunder like expression, his voice steely.

"Lou I'm sorry."

"As you should be."

"Louis, pl-"

"You broke my heart Harry Styles."

"But-"

"Good. Fucking. Bye." Slam.

Louis shut the door in Harry's face and slowly made his way back to the couch. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

No sooner did he fall back on the couch than Clifford came running to him. He leapt up on Louis' lap and Louis broke down.

"Harry broke our heart Cliffy," he said between sobs. "He never liked us. It was all a big lie."

Clifford lapped up the tears keen on making Louis stop crying, but Louis went on and on. "We shouldn't have made friends with him. Such a waste!" Louis hugged Clifford tightly and Clifford made a sad whimper and settled his head on Louis' shoulder.

For a few minutes, no other sound could be heard in the apartment other than Louis' sobs and hiccups.

Suddenly the bell rang again. Clifford jumped from his lap and began sniffed around the door. Thinking it was Harry, Louis decided to ignore it but then the bell rang twice again and Clifford started to bark happily. Louis wiped his tears and walked up to the door and there stood Zayn grinning ear to ear and holding a McDonald's pack, but his grin faded when he saw Louis' tear stained face and red-rimmed eyes.

Louis flung himself on Zayn and began crying again. Zayn hugged back the shaking sobbing mess in his arms and asked slowly, "hey hey Lou, what happened? I'm here. Tell me."

"Harry-", that's the only word Zayn could make out from Louis' muffled sobs.

"What about Harry?"

Louis stepped back from the hug and pulled out his phone. He showed Zayn the tweet and Zayn was equally shocked. "What the fuck is this? What? No this can't be true. I'm sure this is some rumour. Remember he told you once, how he's set up with every girl he's spotted with."

"It's not just that-" Louis replied before breaking down again.

"Hey ,hey please don't cry. You know what, let's go for a drive. Let's get you out of here and you can tell me everything that happened."

Louis silently nodded and bringing Clifford out of the house, locked the door behind him. Dropping Clifford off at the dog park, so he could play with his friends, Zayn drove off with Louis.

Zayn offered him the milkshake and and hash browns and let him eat in silence as Louis slowly regained his composure. One by one, Louis told Zayn everything that had been happening, from the day out with Harry, Theo and Lux, to the sudden change in behaviour two days later, to yesterday's almost argument to Harry showing up today after the article was dropped.

Zayn listened in silence and tried to make sense of what Louis was saying. The incidents didn't add up. He'd really taken a liking to Harry and he couldn't process that Harry would do something like that.

But then again, the sight of his best friend sitting miserable next to him, was making his heart harden towards Harry. He tried to reason with Louis, who refused to listen to anything. Zayn sighed and asked, "music?" hoping that'd calm Louis a bit and help Zayn think.

Zayn tuned in to the radio and a soft melody sounded,

"I want her long blond hair

I want her magic touch

Yeah, 'cause maybe then

You'd want me just as much

I've got a girl cru-"

One look at Louis' face and Zayn slammed the music shut.

Why was everything so difficult?!

Zayn had driven them to a club on the outskirts of the city. The club was pretty famous but owing to it's high maintenance, was mostly accessed by celebrities or people connected to celebrities and was much less crowded compared to the other. Well, a quiet cafe would have been nice too except, now that more people knew Louis and connected him to Harry, if anyone spotted Louis like this, it'd raise an issue. Hence, a club with dim lights and loud music it was.

Zayn led Louis to booth and after making sure Louis was a bit stable, went off to buy drinks.

Zayn didn't drink because he had to drive Louis back but after 3 rounds of drinks Louis was feeling lightheaded, but at the same time, it was very distracting. Zayn kept talking to him about different topics, not bringing up Harry until Louis did that himself.

Eventually Louis started talking.

"I don't understand one thing Zee," he slurred, "that if this was indeed some rumour, why didn't he talk to me? He was clearly avoiding me this week."

Zayn knew whatever he said won't have much of an effect on him, so he just kept rubbing soothing circles on Louis' back. Talking for so long had efficiently tired Louis out and he asked to be taken back home when suddenly,

"Louis! Zayn!"

The duo looked up see a blond haired someone walking towards them, but they couldn't make out the face. It wasn't until the person was right in front if them and the lights fell directly on the face that they made out who it was. Taylor Swift.

Taylor smiled down at the two boys who stared unblinkingly at her, unable to say a word.

"Hi? You guys okay? Can I join you?"

Zayn came back to his senses and smiled, "yeah sure."

Taylor joined them in the booth and looked at Louis again, who was still staring with a blank expression at Taylor.

"What's up with him?" Taylor asked Zayn.

Zayn looked at Louis and then back again at Taylor, "uh, nothing, just work stress. We just came to get some steam off." There's no way he could tell what really had happened.

"Huh, tell me about it. I'm so tired with all the promo work," she replied.

And that's when it hit him. Taylor was dating Harry too. Up until now, he was just thinking about it from Louis' point of view and thinking about how Harry broke Louis' heart but now it dawned on him that it meant Taylor was involved too. Taylor, the person Zayn had liked for quite some time and had to bury his feelings for the sake of his profession.

Here he was, consoling his friend, trying to mend his broken heart, when the reason his own heart ached had decided to grace them with a visit. Things couldn't be worse. Zayn pushed down the pang of sadness he was feeling and tried to think of something to say when Louis started sobbing again. Taylor's presence seemed to have reminded him about Harry.

Louis didn't take Harry's name but went on and on about a certain someone who'd broken his heart. Taylor listened with interest and tried to console him best as she could. Her words were actually effective on Louis who had eventually stopped crying and was listening with rapt attention to Taylor. Zayn himself tried to take in some of the advice, and surprisingly it was good. Taylor really had the magical ability to comfort sad people.

After a while Louis got more drunk and insisted on taking a picture with Taylor and Zayn happily complied because Louis' mind was finally off Harry's.

Soon they bid their goodbyes and left the club, and Zayn drove back with a less sad but slightly drunk Louis.

---

When Louis shut the door on Harry's face, he didn't see how crestfallen Harry looked. He didn't see how Harry ran to his car, barely able to control his tears, which had started falling incessantly thinking that Louis hated him. Harry drove to his apartment, not wanting to face Niall. He knew what Niall would say, I told you to talk to Louis. You should have listened.

No, Harry needed to be alone for a while.

Dave, Harry's personal assistant, noticed something was off and made a whole flask of hot chocolate for Harry and quietly slipped it in his room.

Harry spend quite some time drinking the hot chocolate and thinking about the good times he'd spent with Louis when his phone rang with a notification.

Harry was taken by surprise. What on earth was Louis doing with Taylor? Especially today? What could have possibly happened for them to hang out and for Louis to even post a picture?

Probably Harry was the only person he hated, probably he adored Taylor way too much to think bad of her. Whatever might be the case, Harry was sure of one thing- Louis hated him and Harry had lost his chance at love. Yes, love.

At this point Harry knew, that he was head over heels in love with Louis and he had ended up hurting him.

He'd lost Louis, probably forever.

PREVIOUS / NEXT [ note ]

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thevirgodoll · 3 years

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Hi Virgodoll!

I like how you always take your time to give thoughtful responses to each ask so I thought I’d give it a try!

This is just something that’s been weighing heavily on my mind as time goes on. I’m in my early 20s and I’ve never ever dated. I’ve been on one date and didn’t feel like pursuing it further. I guess with the pandemic we’re all feeling lonelier than ever but I feel like I’m breaking my own heart in a way. Like I know I’m quite beautiful, I’ve worked hard to grow into the person I want to look and act and be like (though I’m nowhere near finished) and especially during the pandemic, a lot of men have been vying for my attention and asking me out. But they just are not what I’m looking for so idk.

Sorry if this makes no sense, I know I’m kind of rambling but I just want to fall in love so badly. What do you think I should do about dating during these times (if at all)?

I feel like so many of y’all overthink this stage of life when it comes to dating! What you are feeling is normal.

The way our generation is set up, it gives you a very twisted view of how life really is. Everyone believes your life should reflect someone else’s on social media. This puts expectations through the roof by the time we reach a certain age.

It’s not just this pandemic creating this pervasive loneliness, it’s that there is a constant message weaved into shows, movies, and culture of what your life should look like regarding love. Therefore it’s easier for you to think there’s something wrong if your life looks different.

Listen...there is no love manual for our 20s!

People rush to find that person so young and their whole identity is wrapped up in that idealized family structure. There’s no rush, what’s for you is for you.

Knowing you are beautiful and using that wisely can go a long way (play your cards right), but your mindset is EVERYTHING!

Even if you know you’re popping, if you send yourself signals that you need to take a chance on bums that don’t meet your standards - JUST for the sake of having a relationship or some company - then you’re going to be depressed for the rest of your youth. There are women who have been older than you in my inbox who did not learn this lesson.

A good majority of people you meet won’t know what they want...but with our generation so far that does not mean married by 24. It means playing the dating game- not attaching to the person you just met two weeks ago, letting go of people, outgrowing, and learning what you like in love the most (love language)

It also means doing you for a while and being okay with that.

Growing pains involve knowing there are different love seasons of your life - for solitude and singleness to rebuild (whether you’ve dated or not), for a roster, for relationships with people that met your needs at that time, and someday for that last person...or for yourself as a Tracee Ellis Ross (you don’t NEED to marry).

But don’t lose yourself idealizing, hurting your own feelings, and scaring people away because you are attached to perceptions from media + lonely and insecure about where other people are in life. Dont feel inferior just because you have this idea of love that is actually ~*manufactured*~!

It is okay to be lonely and it’s natural to want a connection right now, but there’s a way to do it. These things take time and not everything is all that it’s cracked up to be.

Understand the reality and focus on you. Know the season you’re in and own it.

Not dating is only a problem if you make it. Dating is only a problem if you want it to be. Keep it simple and get to know yourself in each season to avoid the mess that most people go through. Assess your needs and know that the sooner you let your season evolve on its own the less lonely you will feel.

#it’s a hard lesson for so many ppl but the minute you just accept your szn you win #there’s a time for everything in love but the timing is divine #ppl rush and fall w the wrong ashy person! let your season bloom

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shespeaksinsongs · 3 years

Note

May I have a ship 🍄 for HP of golden trio era? Preferably male, thank you 💞

𝗕𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗦 + 𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘

I'm 19, Southeast Asian with Spanish descent, Libra, ENFJ-A/ENFJ-T, Neutral Good, Ravenclaw, and a Bi Pan Genderfluid girl using the pronouns She/Her or He/Him. A friend of mine told me that I (kinda) look like Marinette from 𝗠𝗶𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗟𝗮𝗱𝘆𝗯𝘂𝗴, Musa from 𝗪𝗶𝗻𝘅 𝗖𝗹𝘂𝗯, and Alexandra Trese from 𝗧𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲 (a Netflix animated series), but the exception is I'm short (5'1.2") plus sized Southeast Asian woman with Spanish descent that has messy/wavy brunette medium hair, chocolate brown eyes, oriental skin and a small beauty mark on the forehead. My sense of fashion is in between emo and boyish plus korean glam.

𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬

Distant, quiet, and shy at first cause' I dunno how to initiate a conversation, but a total opposite if I open up---friendly, ambivert, witty, laughing loudly on a daily basis, talkative, eats a lot, awkward, daydreamer (I got embarrassed from knocking at the door even I'm inside the classroom 😂), EXTREMELY CLUMSY (mostly tends to get bruises from bumping and being careless to my belongings), secretly likes affection, easily overwhelmed, prone to melt over wholesomeness, flusters on compliments, lightly blushes on cheesy banters, eager to share what I know (especially about Catholic Church---my past teacher joked that I'll become a saint because of it 🤣), oftenly speaks full of sarcasm with a lowkey crackhead energy citing meme references, and talented girl who can be your no.1 supporter and unashamed to be true to myself. In terms of leadership, I only educate and guide than being a prefect (I might take the role seriously), will lift my group when there's lacking/incompleteness. About doing projects in school, I become too extra and prepared for efforts, but I'll forget the process in the end.

People thought I'm a demure self-effacing woman that looks "immaculate" or "one of a kind," (due to my protective parents, a reason why I've never been in a relationship) but the truth is, I'm eloquent, warm-hearted, willig to help, kind, intelligent, supportive, nice, creative, enthusiastic, laid-back, determined, tough, competitive, and feisty outside, but a real softie that can be childish and dramatic that cries so easily (but will enlightened real quick by smallest things that makes me smile) filled with doubts, frustrations, and insecurities with fear of failure that pushes off the limits to to please everyone because they might get dissappointed from expectations, yet I still managed to be stronger than ever, even it's a slow burn process. I can be intimidating, sassy, and a douchebag if I receive ends. Immature, headstrong, perfectionist, demanding, hesitant, jumpy, very indecisive, overthinker, quick-tempered, sensitive, and anxious (no joke, my nervousness makes me think worse scenario will arrive). Though can be procrastinator and arrogant, I raised as a religious 𝖺𝗇𝖽 diplomatic person, willing to fight what I believe (including my dreams and what's important to me) and what is right. In addition, I have a habit of staying up late and doing sign of the cross to ease nervousness.

Blunt but the loudest idiotic feeling-brokenhearted and bitter friend in the group who fangirl a lot, swears like sailor, will call out on people that we loathe, will crack up over your stupid antics before helping, vent out everything I despise (having a bad day, toxicity, poorly written soap operas, how am unlucky when it comes to love life) and bring gossips, but a hopeless romantic who tends to banter with sarcasms or pick up lines as an endearment (but gets grumpy if I received sappy or offensive one), Still generous and concerned person in a subtle way.

𝗘𝗫𝗧𝗥𝗔 𝗜𝗡𝗙𝗢

My hobbies are singing, drawing, roleplaying, listening to music, chatting/browsing on social media, conceptualizing, writing, and reading some stuffs. I'll include making corniest jokes/puns, sleeping, and dancing when nobody's around or walking like a model if I feel so bold (even I'm terrible at both xD). I also used to learn Italian language a bit. Lastly, my best assets are smile, eyes, personality, singing voice, artistic skills, writings, intelligence, and oratorical skills...so I can consider myself as a singer, artist, orator, and a top student who's a former campus ministry member (choir member, psalm singer, and reader) and in coming college freshman. Currently learning how to cook and have so many interests, to the point I don't know what I'm into because of my dreams to become a popular Filipino YouTuber, a novelist, and being part of a successful chorale...I also consider joining pageants too once the pandemic ends, but maybe.

okay. this was a tough one, but i finally settled on fred and george. i think you'd be best with fred weasley by a CLOSE SECOND to george.

you mentioned that you're into banter and pick-up lines as endearment - and i think that is so fred weasley. george strikes me as the softer, sweeter, twin, who is more likely to be dominated, but i think you and fred having an equally dominant personality would make for an interesting relationship! additionally, the secretly likes affection thing would go smoothly with fred. i think fred is a more "quality time" and "acts of service" kind of guy, but affection is never rejected for him, and he quite enjoys it! the hobbies you mentioned seem like things he might love to do, or encourage you to do! it even gave me a good idea for a fic, which i think i will be releasing tomorrow if i can. will tag you, of course. head-strong, sassy, and being quick-tempered would keep fred on his toes, and i think that's one of his favorite things about you. he'd love that he's always on the edge with you. he doesn't know where he's going, but he doesn't mind. i think fred really likes someone who's not afraid to let themselves get out there, and you pursuing your dreams so fearlessly, along with your passions, makes for a pretty good match to me. besides that, i think fred would definitely try to dig beneath the surface, or the "demure" demeanor you give off. based on your description of yourself, i think he would find somebody worth being with.

he would definitely see you in the hallways and pretend not to know you sometimes, hitting on you as if you weren't already together. i think he most definitely thinks it's both cute and scary when you're angry, seeing as your height and personality clash (in a good way, dw). teases you for being clumsy, but he thinks it's cute. aside from the normal nicknames, he probably calls you "my pretty witch", or "my smart baby ravenclaw". he likes head pats, and uses you as an elbow rest to annoy you sometimes. i think he would also think you're stunning. like he would almost worship you and your entire body. gives you kisses on the beauty mark on your forehead a lot, especially if you're cuddling. he almost can't resist. loves your style and tries to copy it, but decides that it's reserved for you in his mind, so he goes back to his normal style, admiring all your different outfits. stays up late with you on nights you can't sleep or don't want to. starts cursing a lot after he met you. he gets into the habit, and every conversation with you is a swearing mess. gives you kisses on the cheeks randomly to see how off-guard he can catch you and see how flustered you get. LOVES when you blush. it's his favorite thing about you.

<3 thank you so much for your submission.

#hlbutterflycelebration

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jalapeno-princess · 4 years

Text

More Than Friends

(I was gonna say he looks so good in here but who am I kidding, he always looks so fucking good)

Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: Angst (but mainly fluff I can’t write angst to save my life)

Word Count: 5K

Summary: You and Mark have a very interesting relationship. The two of you are not exactly dating, but you’re not just friends either. Because of who he is, he isn’t able to take things further in your relationship no matter how badly he wants to. However, something causes him to feel the need to put a label on what exactly is going on between you both.

A/N: (It’s kind of repetitive lol idk how I feel about this story) This was requested by another one of my favorite followers on here @safetypineapples Thank you for all your love and support with my stories and I love reading all of yours! I hope you enjoy this one! Based on the song “At my weakest” by James Arthur.

It's a long night and a big crowd Under these lights looking 'round for you Yeah, I'm steppin' outside under moonlight To get my head right, lookin' out for you, yeah

Could it be your eyes Didn't know that I've been Waitin', waitin' for you When your by my side, everything's alright Crazy, I'm crazy for youOh, here I go, down that road Again and again the fool rushin' in But I can't help when I feel some kind of way Do you feel the same? 'Cause And I fall, I fall for you You caught me at my weakest And I fall for you

“Pick up—fuck—please pick up.”

Mark was pacing back and forth in the hallway; he must’ve looked like a crazy person to all the staff and security guards at the event, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t too sure why it was happening, especially because he was right about to go on stage, but he was currently going through a panic attack. Just a couple of minutes ago, he was sitting in the dressing room with Yugyeom and Jinyoung, waiting for the rest of the guys to finish getting their makeup and hair done. He was playing a couple of games on his phone when he decided to scroll on Instagram and Twitter for a little while when he stumbled across of a few negative posts that crawled under his skin.

Being a KPOP idol had its perks; he got to do what he loved, making music, writing songs, touring and traveling around the world, meeting new people and learning of their cultures and getting to perform on stage in front of thousands of their fans alongside his six best friends. Unfortunately, pros also came with cons. With the large amount of love he received all around the world, he also got a lot of unnecessary hate. He never understood what he did to be hated so much.

Mark was a very kind-hearted, soft-spoken, generous, humble and hardworking person. Sure, he might not have been the best rapper in KPOP, but he gave his all in each and every one of his performances, practices, recording sessions and even when it didn’t have to do with the music; whether it was modeling or being on a reality tv show, he made sure to try his best in order to please everyone he was around. That’s all Mark really wanted to do, but it just wasn’t enough for some people. To the people who weren’t fans of him, if he was too generous, they would consider it as him showing off his wealth and social status.

There were so many different organizations Mark would donate to and speak up for to show his support but so many antis would claim he was doing it just to look good to the public. However, once he went silent to stop all the loathing and hatred, people called him stingy and claimed he didn’t care about others. These days, it seemed as if Mark was the main target for hate within their group and that says a lot seeing as how Got7 were constantly hated on and ridiculed on a daily basis for no reason at all. Whenever something like this happened, his members would constantly tell him to stay away from social media and told him that all the negative people were just jealous of what an amazing person he was.

Normally he would do quite the good job with ignoring the hate, and the rumors that were made up about him that made no actual sense at all; but for some reason there was one comment about how Got7 would be much better off without Mark in the group because apparently “Mark doesn’t do anything to really help the groups success in any way.” Or so the comment read. He tried his best to ignore it and he wanted to find something to take his mind off of the comment, but he couldn’t.

Not even the funny video Yugyeom showed him could prevent him from overthinking and he really didn’t want to show that he was bothered to the other members. As much as he loved them like family, the last thing he wanted to hear was to ignore the hate which is what they always told him. One can only ignore something so much until it actually eats away at them to the point where they feel like screaming and since Mark wasn’t in a place where he could verbally or physically let out his frustrations, he excused himself from the room and walked throughout the arena looking for a quiet and empty place to call the only person he knew that could calm him down.

The only person whose been on his mind and clouding up his thoughts for the last two months since the tour started. Mark considered every single member of Got7 to be his best friend; from day one the seven of them have been through so much together. So many ups and downs, so many trials and tribulations that only made them stronger as individuals and a whole group. Each member had their own way of cheering Mark up; whether it was Jackson making silly jokes, Jinyoung reciting lines from a show he was acting in, Youngjae bringing coco over for Mark to play with her or BamBam buying him a bunch of luxurious items because in his words “a little Gucci never hurt nobody.”

However, the only person who could really get Mark out of the deepest funk was you. You, in more or less words were the only other best friend Mark had apart from his members. He told you every single secret, worry, doubt and insecurity he had because he trusted you with his entire being. On the fateful day the two of you met over a year and a half ago, Mark knew you were going to be someone special in his life and that was an understatement. If he was being honest, you were his entire life; Mark never believed in soulmates before meeting you.

The idea of two people out of the billions of people in the world being destined together was so cliche and he didn’t understand why so many people would claim they met their soulmate. As the days went by and he spent more and more time with you, Mark realized that he got more than he bargained for when he became friends with you and that’s when he knew he was in trouble. Your relationship with Mark was hard to explain; for the first few months, you found confidants in one another. He was your escape from reality just as much as you were his. When your education and work got too much for you to handle, Mark would do whatever he could in his power to get you to focus on better things. Further down the line of being friends, it then blossomed in to something more. Even when Mark was still getting to know you, he found himself developing a little crush on you, but it was inevitable.

You had a beauty that Mark couldn’t even put in to words to describe. He may have been surrounded with so many beautiful idols, actresses and models on a weekly basis, but there was just something; actually many things about you that stood out from everyone else. Mark was sure he’d be able to spot you in a crowded room because his eyes were always looking for you and because you just radiated such a positive and spirit lifting energy that was so contagious. He always wanted to be around you. Around four months in to your friendship, Mark confesses his feelings for you, but he knew he couldn’t act on them. Dating was taboo in the KPOP industry and most idols who were in relationships did their best in hiding it.

There was nothing Mark wanted more than to be the lucky guy you called yours, but it was selfish of him to want to take things further with you knowing that he’d be holding you back from so many things. And it wasn’t like the two of you could have a normal relationship. He wouldn’t get to take you on all these cute dates he was sure you wanted to go on, he wouldn’t get to post about you nor would you be allowed to post anything about him, he couldn’t hold hands, hug you, hold you and kiss you unless it was behind closed doors.

He wouldn’t be able to give you the love and attention you deserved and never failed to show him every single day and that’s what bothered him the most. You were so close, yet so far away and Mark was afraid that you’d get tired of being just friends with him and decide that you didn’t want to wait around for him. Especially since you requited his same feelings and made it aware that you were willing to do whatever it was that he asked of you. You were aware of how hectic his life was and you had a feeling a relationship would be something he wouldn’t be able to give you and you respected it completely.

As long as you had Mark in your life, it didn’t matter what he was to you. But you were only human. You were still so young and had a great head on your shoulders. You had so much going for you yet you were always at his beck and call whenever he needed you. To both his delight yet dismay, you were willing to drop anything and everything for him. While he was away, you’d wake up in the middle of the night to talk to him and stay up till the wee hours of the morning to listen to him talk about his day even if you had an early morning shift or class.

When he got sick, you’d pick up some medication and make some soup to help him feel better. If you were out with friends or colleagues and he asked to hang out, you’d give them some lame excuse and made your way over to him. Mark could never come up with the right words to say to show you and tell you just how much you meant to him and how afraid he was to lose you. All he could do, was show you through his actions; his gentle kisses on your cheeks, your forehead and your lips, how he would always need to be touching you whenever the two of you would spend time together, the way he would always check up on you to make sure you’ve eaten all your meals and that you were taking good care of yourself and doing all these little things for you like blowdrying your hair for you when you were too tired or helping you study for an exam even if he had no clue what he was reading.

He could only hope you understood his nonverbal signals of love. Being on tour was always so fun; it seemed as if more fans came out with every new tour and tonight in London, there were at least 40,000 people at the Wembley stadium waiting for Got7 to perform. Over the years, his nerves slowly calmed down and performing on stage was such an indescribable feeling that he was so grateful for being able to do. The only thing he hated about touring, was being away from you.

Mark made sure to FaceTime you whenever he got the chance, but it wasn’t the same as seeing your breathtaking smile and contagious laughter that he loved so much in person. He’s asked you to go along with them many times, but because you were a full time student with a full time job, and Mark’s company didn’t think it would look good for some random girl to join them on tour and follow them around the world, you stayed back in Korea. As the phone line kept ringing, anxiety built up in his chest the longer he waited. He checked his phone to see what time it was in Korea and he let out an exasperated sigh.

It was currently six in the morning and since Mark knew your schedule like the back of his hand, there was a chance you were either getting ready for school or for work and he tried his best not to be upset. Just like how his work was his main priority, you had every right to make your studies and your work ethic your main concern. However, you had a tendency to put Mark at the top of your priorities and sometimes he wished you didn’t think so highly of him. He wanted to give you the same amount of attention and praise you’ve shown him over the years and you were his second main focus right after his job.

He hated putting you second, he was sure you must’ve loathed having to be his second priority but you never complained nor would you make it known that it bothered you and Mark didn’t know what higher power it was that brought you two together nor did he know what he did to deserve someone so patient and understanding, but he would do it time and time again if it meant having you in his life for as long as he possibly could. With one more sigh, he began walking back towards the corridors where their waiting room was located when he felt his phone vibrate. He didn’t even miss a beat, once he saw your name on the screen he answered and he didn’t care how desperate he sounded. He was sure he didn’t have much time to talk to you, but it didn’t matter. All Mark needed was to hear your voice and he knew he’d feel so much better.

“Hey baby, I’m sorry I missed your call. I was washing my face and brushing my teeth. Aren’t you going on stage here soon? Is everything okay?”

Just hearing your soft little giggle through the speaker was enough to get him to forget of his problems and all he focus on was the sound of your gentle and extremely soothing voice. The term of endearment made him feel even more giddy and he was sure if the guys were to see the effect that you had on him, they wouldn’t let him live it down.

“Yeah I just—I just wanted to talk to you. I’m sorry if I’m bothering you, I just really miss you. That’s all.”

By the hesitant tone of his voice, you could tell there was something more that he wasn’t telling you, but you weren’t going to pry at him. You never forced mark to go in to detail about what was worrying him and wanted him to confide in you at his pace. But you hated knowing that something was currently on his mind not knowing exactly what it was. Even if Mark was a couple of years older than you, you always felt the need to protect him from any evil. His happiness and well being was all you ever cared about and sometimes you’d put it before your own.

“I miss you too Mark and you’re never a bother, you know that. You know if something is wrong, you can tell me right?”

Although you couldn’t see him, you could tell he was nodding in agreement. The two of you had a mutual understanding; you’d wait for each other to find solace in one another but when you did, you’d let it all out. “I know, thanks y/n. I read something so shitty earlier, but hearing your voice makes it all the more better. Don’t worry about me babe, I’m okay. I’m sure the guys are probably looking for me. I’ll call you after the show, have a nice morning and don’t forget to eat a hearty breakfast. I’ll talk to you soon love.”

Once you both said your goodbyes, Mark felt energized and ready to go on stage. He didn’t think it was possible for someone to change him for the better but here you were, making his heart feel as if it was about to bust out of his chest and he never wanted that feeling to go away. As soon as he made his way back to the dressing room where all the guys were dressed up and waiting for him, they were all confused seeing the huge grin on his face after he left so abruptly as if something was wrong; but none of them were going to question it. They were all aware of who you were to Mark and all six of them approved of you.

They loved the effect you had on the eldest boy; they loved the way you made him laugh and smile on his darkest days. You were the light Mark needed and they knew you were put in his life to save him from himself. Once they all walked out onstage and heard the thousands of screams and chants echoing throughout the arena, anything that was bothering Mark no longer mattered to him. All he could think about was making the fans happy, putting all his energy in to each and every song they performed and getting to call you again later. The concert went off without a hitch and honestly it had to be one of the best concerts they’ve done since they started touring.

For the rest of the week, Got7 finished the Europe leg of the tour and as much as Mark loved exploring the many different cities, trying the different foods they had to offer and taking a well deserved rest from all his other work, he couldn’t wait for the two week break the guys were allowed back in Korea. He couldn’t find it in himself to sleep the night before, he was just so excited to have you in his arms again and he came up with the plan to surprise you about coming home earlier than expected. Everyone seemed to know of Mark’s plans because as soon as they landed, they hailed him a taxi and gave the driver your address which he was extremely grateful for. While he was away, he’d find himself overthinking your relationship.

He wanted—no, Mark needed to set things straight between the two of you. Even if you told him that you were willing to wait for him for as long as he needed you to, humans could only be patient for so long and he was afraid you’d find somebody while he was away. Somebody who could take care of you in ways Mark could only wish he’d be able to. Somebody who would love you freely; out in the open without having to worry about a rumor breaking out. Somebody worthy of all your love and admiration.

It was late when they arrived back and he could only hope you didn’t log on to social media and saw that Got7 were back in Korea. He quickly stopped by a cute little hole in the wall florist shop and purchased you a dozen of your favorite flowers. No matter how jet lagged he was from the ten hour flight and how much he wanted to go to sleep, the desire and urge to hold you in his arms was stronger than any exhaustion he felt. He knew he should’ve texted you to ask what you were doing in case you were out to dinner with your friends, but he was just too excited to finally see you that it slipped his mind that there was a chance you weren’t home.

As soon as he buzzed your doorbell, there was an odd feeling that crashed over him and he couldn’t put his finger on it. However, once you opened the door and he saw you dressed so prettily, the numbness he felt in his chest only grew more.

“Oh my God—Mark! What are you doing back so early?!”

You didn’t give him any time to answer before you practically jumped on him; wrapping your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist. You began leaving chaste kisses on the sides of his face and finally left a sloppy kiss on the corner of his mouth before jumping down.

“Hello to you too baby. I wanted to surprise you. God y/n, I’ve missed you so much.”

You looked up at him with an adoring look in your eyes before cupping his cheek. These last three months without him was just as hard and if not more difficult on you than it was for him. Mark had all his members, friends, staff, family and fans by his side but all you really had was him. Although he never failed to lean on you whenever he needed to, you didn’t want to bother him and handled most of your problems by yourself. Even if he told you to tell him when something wasn’t going your way; you just never wanted to burden him. Just getting a text of encouragement was enough to help ease your negative thoughts.

Seeing him, with his fluffy, brown hair down to his neck, his face more healthier and fuller than the last time you’ve seen each other and his biceps more prominent, it was an overwhelming feeling and you had a hard time believing he was actually back and at your apartment.

“Mmm, I missed you too handsome. Let’s get you settled in. Did you eat? Are you hungry? You look exhausted Mark.” You reached for his hand as he held the bouquet of flowers under his arm and dragged in his luggage with his free hand. Since you were ahead of him, you didn’t get to see the way his cheeks turned bright pink at your sudden movement. He was so whipped for you. Once you walked in to your living room, he was quick to notice the box of chocolates on your coffee table and the flowers in a vase sitting on your counter. There was that weird feeling again and he was soon growing curious with what exactly it was that seemed to be eating away at him. You had him take a seat on the couch as you hurriedly brought his luggage in to your room and made your way back to him.

“I uh—these are for you.” You gave him a toothy grin; excited at the idea of him thinking to stop by somewhere and get you flowers. The soft peck on his lips was your token of appreciation and you walked in to your kitchen to find another vase to put his flowers in. Although he felt as if he could practically knock out right there, he got up from the couch and walked over to you. He wrapped his arms around your waist and placed his chin on top of your shoulder. You’ve always adored the height difference between you and Mark. You weren’t the shortest person ever, but you weren’t blessed with height. You shivered at the feeling of him pressing a kiss against your neck and leaned back in to his chest to give him more access to your nape.

“Where’d you buy the flowers from?” When he felt you tense up at his question, he knew something was up and he had a gut feeling he wasn’t going to like the answer.

“I just came back from a double date—but it’s not what you think. One of my coworkers really likes this guy, but she didn’t want to go out with him on her own just yet so she asked me to tag along with her. Honestly she’s been trying to set me up with all these guys but I’ve told her I’m unavailable more times than I can count on my hands. I think she used that as an excuse for me to go out on a date, but I really wasn’t interested. He gave me these flowers and those chocolates, but I didn’t really give him any of my attention and if I’m being honest, the entire thing was so awkward and I gave an excuse to leave early. I’m glad I did though.”

You were facing him at his point and ran both your hands through his hair. So that’s why you were all dolled up; Mark knew he wasn’t overreacting for no reason. You just came back from a date. It didn’t matter that your friend set you up, for all he knew you could go on multiple dates and he couldn’t do anything about it. The two of you were untitled. He didn’t have the right to stop you from looking for a genuine relationship. All he could do was hope and pray that the feelings you harbored for him were enough to get you to stick around.

The way his brows furrowed made you nervous and you didn’t think he cared for you in that way to get bothered at the idea of you seeing someone else. You and Mark may have acted like a couple, but because he wasn’t able to be in a relationship nor did he make it verbally known that he wanted to be one with you, you didn’t think it was possible for him to grow jealous at the thought of you dating someone else.

“I see. Have you been on any other dates? Met anyone worth your while?”

“No. Just the one tonight. Why would I look for anyone else when I have you Mark? Or I mean—actually I don’t know what I mean. I’m not yours and you’re not mine yet I’m holding on to this tiny little thread and the little voice that’s telling me to not give up on us but I don’t know what you see me as; for all I know I could just be a friend you kiss every now and then just because you can’t have anything to serious. I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t bother me and that I’m fine with being stuck in this untitled relationship knowing that I want more, but all I care about is you. I know it’s hard for you to live a normal life and I just wanted to give you whatever it is that you need. I’m sorry, I talk too much—“

When you felt a teardrop fell on your cheek, you hesitantly looked up at the older boy and felt a pang to your chest at the sight of his lip quivering as tears were building up at his eyelids. Everyone and anyone who knew Mark was well aware of how sensitive he could be and it was a trait of his you genuinely appreciated. It showed that he had such a big heart. There were moments where he would cry watching a sad video or movie and you’d always smile softly to yourself at how adorable he was. But now, seeing him cry and having a feeling that you were the reason made your head spin. He brought his hands down to your waist and lifted you up on to the counter before connecting your lips together in a rough and extremely passionate kiss.

You and Mark might have shared quite a few kisses in the last year, but this was the first time his lips smashed and melded against yours perfectly. His lips were chapped and tasted salty from his tears, but it didn’t matter. He all but gently forced his tongue in to your mouth and down your throat and although the feeling was foreign, you could find yourself getting used to this. All too soon, he pulled his lips away and placed his forehead against yours, earning himself a soft whimper from the absence of warmth. He began gliding his thumb along your thigh while lifting your chin up so that you were making eye contact with him.

“I’m sorry y/n, I’m so fucking sorry for having to put you through all of that for the last year but I’m so grateful for each and every single sacrifice you’ve made for me. You’re way more than just a friend to me baby, I thought it was obvious with the way I have to constantly be kissing these pretty lips of yours and the way I always need you around. If you were just a friend, I wouldn’t be calling you and checking up on you every day. You wouldn’t be on my mind the first thing when I wake up and right before I go to bed and I know it’s my fault for not telling you how I feel but I’m telling you now, I’m crazy about you. I was always yours y/n, always. You mean everything to me y/n and you know what? I love you. I love you so much y/n and I plan on loving you for a very long time. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, I don’t care about the repercussions or what punishment I get for this, but please be my girlfriend. I’ll do anything to be yours completely.”

With the way he was looking at you, as if you were the one who set the entire universe in to the sky, you were putty in his hands. You never said it out loud, but this is what you’ve wanted from the time that Mark stumbled in to your life. Because you were afraid to come off too forward and selfish, you didn’t tell him that you’d daydream of the day he could finally be able to date you without having to worry about what people or say or do if and when they were to find out. You pulled him closer to your body and hid your face in the crook of his neck. Feeling his heartbeat against your chest made it harder for you to keep the growing smile on your face at bay. You really did love the beautiful boy in front of you.

“I love you too Mark. I’ve always had these feelings for you and I know they’re not going anywhere. You really are one of the best things that ever happened to me. I want nothing more than to take things further with you. It’s always been you too baby. I’m always going to be here for you.”

He stole a couple more kisses from the corner of your mouth before picking you up from off of the counter and throwing you over his shoulder. “Mark, what are you doing?!”

“You can’t look that amazing and not expect me to show you exactly what you do to me. I’m gonna make love to my beautiful baby.”

“Mark! At least take me to dinner first before getting in to my pants you ass.”

He playfully slapped your butt before making his way toward your room. “You know babe, our relationship was never normal to begin with so there’s no point in following the rules. I like living dangerously. Forget dinner y/n, I’m going straight for dessert.”

Oh, here I go down that road Again and again the fool rushin' in But I can't help when I feel some kind of way Do you feel the same? 'Cause And I fall, I fall for you You caught me at my weakest I fall, I fall for you You caught me at my weakest I fall for you

Love you gonna get hold on me Tell me what you gonna do to me Now you've gone and got your hands on me Tell me what you gonna doAnd here I go down that road Again and again the fool rushin' in But I can't help when I feel some kind of way Do you feel the same?'Cause I fall, I fall for you You caught me at my weakest Yeah, I fall, I fall for you You caught me at my weakest And I fall for you

#got7 imagines #got7 #mark tuan #mark tuan imagines #mark tuan fluff

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