»» through the dark ««
WARNING: mentions and description of suicide, mentions of death, swearing, larry and ziam
[ not edited ]
⁀➷ third person
the nights. it is truly a wonderful time although feared by many. that is the beauty of it. it is feared by many but also loved by many. the nighttime is a special hour for forbidden lovers to meet, for criminals to execute their action, for humans to have their mental breakdown and to overthink without any interruptions.
while many don't like darkness, you cannot really see the stars and the beautiful moon if not for darkness. the gorgeous looking stars and moon that are talked about in poems, movies and books exceed all expectations laid down for them. nothing can look as beautiful and bright as them.
in the silence and very low brightness of the night and the sound of water from a river rushing down a path: many things can be performed.
one direction, a former british-irish boy band, roamed around the streets of Munich (Germany) at the time when most of the living beings are fast asleep. the five members are laughing, cracking lame jokes on each other (and on others as well), acting like drunken bastards and having their time of life. the boys came across a bridge.
zayn noticed a woman gripping the railings tightly. they looked at the water beneath the bridge with certain fear as well as acceptance. their body seemed to be shaking, they seemed nervous and in some kind of confusion. the woman closed their eyes a took a deep breath. they put their left leg over the railing and rested it between the edge and the railings.
something inside zayn snapped as if he were suddenly brought back to his senses. he ran towards the woman, he knew exactly what was happening. others stood, confused, trying to figure out why the comic lover was running, towards something, like he had ten dogs behind him.
"don't do this," zayn shouted as he ran towards the woman.
the woman simply ignored him and brought their right leg on the other side of the railing. they kept their hands, still tightly gripped on the railing. they looked down at the water and gulped. it seemed cold and harsh.
"please don't do this," zayn repeated again, this time he had reached where the woman was. "you will find a way, please do not do this. it is not the answer."
"you don't know anything about me," the woman snapped at him.
"that doesn't matter, just don't do this. please, just don't-"
"why? because you will feel guilty that i died on you? well, if it helps: i didn't," the woman said with a harsh tone.
"what? no! do not do this, please think of your loved ones-"
"ha! you really think i'd be doing this if i had something like that? jokes on you."
the woman looked down again, fear evident in their eyes. they shouldn't be afraid of death but they are giving in to one of their fears: death has not seemed scarier to the woman.
zayn is feeling terrified. he has gone through the phrase, he knows exactly what must be going on in the woman's head. he cannot let another soul give in (or almost give in), no. he knew exactly how it felt and it frightens him. if he does not convince them to do otherwise, this incident will for sure haunt him for years to come.
"i beg of you, this is not the answer. there is more to life, you cannot give up- NO!"
zayn's eyes widen. it seemed to be happening in slow motion. the second he said "give up", the woman gave up. they removed their hands from the railing and began decreasing the distance between them and the shining water below them. but as soon as their hands were off the railing, it seemed as if the hands held onto something else.
louis, along with others, had walked closer to the duo by then. as soon as they left their hands from the railing, louis jumped forward and grabbed whichever hand of theirs he could. this woman is insane!
the rest of the members, three out of five, had walked closer to the trio too. but they had kept their distance, the three members did not want the lady to feel more overwhelmed than they already are feeling. it is a shocking sight for the former boy band. they all had heard stories from fans that the band had helped save the fans' lives. but the members never experienced it in person.
the woman looked up, to see what stopped them. when they did, they glared at him. louis held their right hand tightly within his two hands. he isn't going to let go. zayn breathed a sigh of relief at the sight.
"let go of me!" the woman shouted at him as she tried to free their hand from the tight grip.
"are you crazy? no, i am not letting go!" louis shouted back.
the woman lifted their left hand to loosen the tight grip but zayn caught it before the hand could reach there. he nodded at zayn who nodded back at him. they pulled the woman up despite them telling the men to do otherwise.
the woman stumbled as they were brought to the safer side of the railing but zayn caught them before they landed face-first. they adjusted themselves to stand properly. they distanced themselves from the boys. they placed their hands on their face, covering their face completely. their eyes did not hesitate to become watery at all. in fact, the tears didn't even wait for the owner's permission: the tears fell continuously just like the water in the river the woman was about to be drowned in.
the woman cried, silently. they half-stood, with the railing taking some of their weight. their face is still hidden and tears did not have any plans to stop any soon. they were angry, melancholic and happy tears. a small part of theirs, just a small part, was happy; happy that someone stopped them from committing suicide. they were happy for a split second, they were thankful for a second.
the angry, sad and hurt tears almost immediately replaced the grateful ones. the woman was doing good to the world by dying, why isn't anyone letting that happen? they didn't want to be saved, they wanted all of it to stop. they wanted everything to go away in a blink of an eye. they were finally getting what they wanted; why is the universe against them, why does the universe hate them?
"how dare you! you had no right to do that! you cannot interfere in others business!" the woman shouted at the boys, tears still flowing down their dark brown eyes.
"how dare we? you would be dead right now if it wasn't for us!" louis said, raising his voice too.
"exactly what I wanted!" the woman snapped back at him. "i did not ask you to save me did i? i wouldn't doing this if i wanted to be saved you TWATS!"
"hey! we know it is hard alright? but please don't give up yet. you will find something worth living for, please hang in there for just a bit more. i promise you will find something or someone, just give it time," liam tried consoling the woman.
"shut up! just shut the fuck up! do not give me that bullshit, that is all fairy tales. time doesn't heal no shit!" the woman looked directly at liam - first and then others -, with red puffy, swollen eyes and pure rage in her voice.
"we are trying to help. suiciding isn't the answer," harry spoke calmly.
"i don't need your help," the woman mumbled.
"it is the only option left," the woman said, empty of any emotions.
"no it is not. there are many things in life to look forward to-" niall tried explaining too but in vain.
"save it! i made it very clear that i do not like fairy tales," the woman cut off niall.
the six of them stood in silence. not knowing what to say: being one of the two reasons. everyone is having thousands of thoughts racing through their minds right now. the one direction members, still terrified, are getting reminded of horrible memories. the ones they all thought they had managed to leave behind. the grown-up men were shocked and speechless. they all knew how it felt. they, especially liam, could see themselves in the woman's place.
liam has had lived through a tough childhood. he almost died and was bullied in school, leading to suicidal thoughts. but he had his strong support system. his family always stayed by his side, making sure he knew he is loved. then one direction happened, and his support system grew stronger and in numbers too. he would be forever indebted towards his fans, his brothers, family and his loving boyfriend zayn.
zayn, niall, louis and harry were having flashbacks too. the unpleasant flashbacks. their best friend, their brother (boyfriend for zayn), was almost in the place as the woman right now. he was about to go away from their life if had not they all had the talk later that night. the four out of five only know how much troll it took on them. only they know how afraid they all were and how panicked they were when they caught liam just in time.
the now independent musicians had each gone through their own trouble, huddles and struggles. it wasn't easy for any of them. but they all had each other, they would always have each other. perhaps the case isn't the same for the woman. the woman has no shoulder to cry on, no one to vent out to, to have those deep, long late-night conversations and no one to "just chill" with.
the woman wiped their face with their hands, they wiped their tears - yet again. but somehow, this time did feel different. they rubbed their, then, fingers against their forehead. they are stressed and frustrated beyond imagination. they had had enough this week, today was the peak of it all. Years of pressure, abuse, mental torture, fears, loneliness and insecurities finally gave in today. the woman had finally mustered up the courage to do it today, but someone had to ruin it. couldn't people let them do one goddam thing of their choice?
the woman could never be termed "enough"; as no matter how hard they tried, no matter how hard they worked: it would never amount to being "enough" - to anyone. their parents always looked down upon them, for various reasons, the fact that they are a woman being one of them. their sexuality being pansexual was a whole other topic which they do not want to start on. the woman's parents are orthodox and as narrow minded as a person can get.
shazia klein always felt pressured. whether it was going to school and performing well or coming out to their parents. the other relatives were worse: always asking when would they get married and telling them how it is time they "settled down" and start a "real family". work had always been stressful: with the deadlines and forced to do the work because following your passion will not get you the amount of money for basic survival in this expensive world.
shazia's blood family is not supportive, it never was. the relatives never tried to understand shazia's point of view, they all never stepped in shazia's shoes and walked a mile. that is what hurt the most. no one tried. during school days, shazia was bullied. but no one from "home" even enquired how they were. all the blood-related people would care about was the marks and grades and if shazia had come first in the school/standard or not.
no one wanted to sit and listen to them complain, them venting out. everyone in this world is selfish. thus, shazia shut people out. they developed a hard exterior and emotionless and heartless personality: because if people don't care, why should they? the world has always been cruel to them, when shazia wanted nothing but a normal life with loving parents, family and friends. it seemed it was way too much to ask for.
they shook their head and started to walk in the direction in which the members of one direction had come. their plan had failed. it was not new for them. almost everything they did, they ended up failing and disappointing others around them. once again, they were left alone to face the devil's kingdom.
"where do you think you are going?" niall grabbed their elbow and stopped them from walking.
"i am not going to commit suicide. thanks to you, the one thing right i wanted to do; i cannot now. and it's none of your business, get lost!" the woman jerked their hand out of his grip and continued walking.
"leave it, she isn't going to do it," liam stopped his best friend before he would follow them.
"you sure boo?" zayn asked, hesitantly.
"honestly? i do not know zaynie. but i think she should be left on her own for a while. it must be too much to process or whatever," liam answered, gloomly.
"but what if something happens? we should follow just in case," harry says, still shaken up by the recent events.
"i don't think so, babe. we need to let her be, we cannot do much," louis said, walking towards his boyfriend.
louis pulled harry into a hug (louis knew he needed it). louis kept mumbling reassuring sentences that only harry could hear. they hugged each other tightly. louis kept rubbing his boyfriend's back in an attempt to comfort him. as louis and harry hugged, zayn cupped liam's face which made him look at zayn.
zayn knew liam was feeling bad and a failure because they weren't exactly successful in stopping the woman from committing suicide. zayn moved his thumb back and forth on liam's cheek, he tried giving liam a reassuring smile. liam just pulled zayn into a hug and buried his head in the neck of his boyfriend.
while his best friends are in their own little world, niall horan took this time to smile proudly and lovingly at the two couples. he is the happiest for best mates. he isn't jealous or wishing that he had someone too. he is content. but still, some humour is liked by everyone.
"oh no wait a minute, i have no one!" niall said, imitating chandler bing (from the famous t.v. show FRIENDS)'s gestures and dialogue in the episode named "the one with the bullies".
the dashing couples chuckled genuinely and shook their heads at their best friend's antics. they opened their arms, inviting their brother-for-life to join them. niall did not hesitate to jump at them. the former members of one direction laughed wholeheartedly, forgetting everything in the world but this moment.
it was moments like these that they all cherished for their entire lifetime. whatever came, they all knew they had each other's backs. they knew they could come through hell if the five of them are together. and they always will be, it was a promise none of the five members intended to break for at least this lifetime.