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#my roommate is one of the most important people in my life right now and I'm pretty sure I'm not even in her top 3
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#tw vent/rant in the tags#I just need to use this as a void to scream into for a sec#don't mind me#anyways#I'm really fucking tired of never being enough for anyone#I'm no one's best friend#I'm never the first choice#I'm always the one stepping aside so others can be happy#my roommate is one of the most important people in my life right now and I'm pretty sure I'm not even in her top 3#a really good friend of mine has many more friends she would always call before talking to me#my sister doesn't really talk to me cause she already talked about everything with her friends#my mom's top priority is my sister and that's fine because she isn't doing well but sometimes I also need to talk with her#a friend that really deeply mattered to me never even thought about how much they meant to me#the last week I've been talking with a guy and I thought it was going well but apparently not cause now he didn't text me back for 3 days#and I know this might seem melodramatic#but I'm just fucking sick of this#people think that Id rather be by myself#when in reality Im trying my fucking best to connect with people and it just never ever seems to be enough#I'm so tired#I don't want to be alone anymore and realistically I know I'm not completely alone#but ist it really too much to ask that I would like to feel important sometimes?#fuck#sorry#Tumblr is an awful diary but whatever it's not like I could really tell someone this#anyways 😜✌️#just having a little hot guy breakdown#I need to get up in 5 hours and I can't sleep
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jamiebluewind · 5 days
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Warning! Pet illness, xray
A friend of mine a few states away had a pregnant female cat walk onto her porch and decide she lives now. She had 3 kittens. Since my friend/roommate @winterpower98 was looking for her first cat, we (other roommate/bestie, Winter/Gaia, and I) decided to take a trip down to visit and see if one of the kittens would work for her.
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The thing is, she did fall in love with one! He's black with white markings, so the 6 year old had been calling him Eclipse. He's, curious, playful, and always trying to get into something. He loves Gaia. I mean LOVES her. And she loves him. Like... emptying her savings loves him.
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Right before we arrived, our friend noticed a little lump on his belly. They thought nothing of it. And then, it got bigger. And bigger. And bigger.
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After a week, we took him to a local vet to get checked out. He had a umbilical hernia. Luckily it stopped before his diaphragm, but the hernia was severe enough that he would need surgery to close it (a lot of articles talked about smaller ones closing on their own which is why we waited). He would also need special care for IBS symptoms and to keep his hernia from getting injured or obstructed before repair (which couldn't happen until he was big enough to go under anesthesia). He would need to come indoors for his safety and be separated from the others as his sisters pouncing on the hernia was causing issues (a week earlier than the 8 week mark).
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I was honestly expecting Gaia to say it was too much for her to handle. Even told her that nobody would judge her for not being ready for that level of responsibility. That we could find an organization that could take him and get him the help he needed and find him a good home. He has two sisters she could consider, there were plenty of shelters back home with cats under a year old, and we could even check the town we were visiting and places on the way back home, so there were options. I knew how much it took to care for a kitten with health issues (my current cat required months of specialized care and there were plenty of scares along the way) and Gaia has no previous experience with cats outside of hanging out with our cats, so that's just starting on hard mode.
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After a long serious talk on the responsibilities she was about to take on, she said she knew it would be hard but the thought of giving him up made her sick. That she would do whatever it took to give him a happy life for however long she has him. We aren't rich people, she's going back to college full time, she had only decided on him over one of his sisters that morning, and (again) this would be the first cat she has ever had. She went all in without a second thought.
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The original quotes from various vets willing to do the surgery (not all vets can) were pretty insane, but luckily I found a non-profit that did the surgery for about half. My other roommate and I fully support her and chipping in what we can.
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Eclipse is 8 week old and his surgery is scheduled in a month, but we are going to call in and check for cancelations since he's reached the minimum weight and age for anesthesia. Winter has been so busy caring for him that she's not had a chance to post about him, so I decided to do it on the drive home. I think the story is important because it raises awareness about an issue most don't know about and shows someone genuinely caring about a pet with special needs. As a disabled person who's went through a lot of ableism and survived abuse, it really hit me to see how much she loves him with her whole chest and doesn't ever approach his issues with anger or blame.
I don't ask for reblogs much, but I wanted to ask you guys to boost this. I linked Gaia's PayPal below if anyone wants to help take some of the financial burden off her, but you can also support her with messages and boosting this and her future post/s about Eclipse (cut her some slack guys, she's currently in tired new mom mode). I don't expect anyone to donate because I know you guys are mostly in the same shape as us, but I think showing Gaia support is just as important.
Now if you'll excuse me, the hyperactive boy got the zoomies and just jumped in the toilet XD
Edit: Late thing to add on, but a few days after posting this my other roommate/bestie Sarah decided to adopt his sister! Her name is Melanite, but her honey eyes have earned her the nickname Miel. Her and Eclipse have always been very close (often laying on top of each other), so it's great that they'll get to stay together.
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cuubism · 3 months
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I'd love something about Dream who's very aware that he's way too intense romantically while also being not intense enough sexually because he's ace. His partners usually prefer it the other way around. If that's something you'd be willing to write (if not that's okay too)
hmm yes, we can always do ace dream. though we didn't quite reach 'aware' 😂 human uni au is what popped to my mind
--
When Hob gets back from class, Dream is lying facedown on the couch, one long arm trailing morosely down to the floor, face smashed so deeply into a pillow that Hob can only see the tufts of his hair. He seems to have been there for some time, and doesn't move when Hob comes in.
"Horrors insurmountable today?" Hob asks as he puts down his bag and heads to the adjoining kitchen to grab a snack. He'll probably need to grab one for Dream, too, now that he thinks about it. Doubtful he's eaten.
Dream just makes an mmph sound against his pillow. Then, once Hob's returned to the living room with a plate of apple slices, Dream pops his head up, lines all over his cheek from the pillow, fluffy hair going every which way, and says, "How much do you care about sex?"
Hob nearly trips and flings his apple slices everywhere. "What?"
"In general," Dream persists, heedless of Hob's shock. "Do you subscribe to the belief that individuals past puberty, particularly men, think about sex constantly, or is that an exaggeration? Which do you think is more important in a partnership: compatible personalities, or compatible sex drives? And why?"
"What is this, a sociology assignment?"
"Answer, please," Dream insists.
Hob sighs and gives in to the mad questioning. Joke's on him for having an insane roommate. "I thought about sex all the time when I was thirteen, maybe. Right now I'm just thinking about how I haven't eaten since breakfast and I'm fucking starving but we're playing Twenty Questions instead of eating. And as to the second one, I don't know, Dream, I think both are probably important."
"So you think about sex an amount you would consider 'frequent'," Dream presses.
Hob's cheeks heat. Sex is not really a topic he wants to discuss with Dream of all people. Those two thoughts don't meld together into anything good for polite company. "I don't know, I guess!? Doesn't everyone?"
Dream lets out a despairing wail and thumps his head back into his pillow. "I am outnumbered."
Hob still has no idea what the hell he's on about. He finally gives up and just starts eating the apple slices. He offers one to Dream, holding it by the corner of his eye until he finally sees it and takes it, turns his head to the side just enough to start nibbling on it.
"You'll choke if you eat that lying down," Hob warns.
Dream begrudgingly pushes himself up, collapsing against the back of the couch, and goes back to nibbling on his apple slice.
"So," Hob continues, awkwardly, when Dream doesn't say anything else, "sex life not going so well, then?"
Dream glares at him, though it's not very intimidating considering the apple halfway into his mouth. "Too well, by most standards," he finally sniffs, and eats the rest of the slice.
"Oh, yeah?" Dream having sex is another thing Hob doesn't really like to think about. Why'd he bring that up again?
"Indeed. I have suitors falling over each other to bed me," Dream says.
Do all classic literature students talk the way Dream does? Hob doesn't know. It's been two years that they've lived together and he's still yet to definitively figure out if it's an affectation or just the way Dream is. He's leaning towards the latter.
Unfortunately, he can believe Dream's statement. Dream is a snitty little prick most of the time, but he's also unbearably beautiful.
"So what's the problem, then?" he asks.
"I don't want them to bed me," Dream says.
Hob's not following. "Say no, then?"
Dream rolls his eyes. "I don't want them to bed me, I want them to want me." His voice loses some of its determination halfway through the sentence, and he looks away.
Ouch. "Sounds like they do want you?"
Dream snorts. "Only so long as it suits them. Only so long as I fit their parameters. Today I spoke to Cori--"
Ah, yes, Cori, Dream's most recent ex-boyfriend. Dream's had a lot of ex-boyfriends, but Cori really tops the list, and not in a good way.
Now that Hob thinks about it, all of Dream's relationships kind of go the same way. Dream comes home after the first date bouncing off the walls with stars in his eyes insisting this person's the one, and within two months the thing's somehow torpedoed into the Underworld and Hob's scraping Dream up off the bathroom floor.
He's starting to see where the initial line of questioning might have come from.
"--and he, at last, was straightforward with me when no one else has bothered to be all this time. I demanded to know, truthfully, why he ended things, and he told me that I 'care too much, but won't put out'--"
Hob winces.
"--which does not make sense, as we had sex frequently? I do not know what else I am meant to be 'putting' and where. I said as much, and he laughed, and said--" he imitates Cori's voice with a surprisingly passable American accent-- "'It only counts if you at least pretend you want to be there, doll. Next time try initiating occasionally.' He left before I could question him further."
Hob doesn't like the picture this is painting. And Dream is looking at him beseechingly, like Hob might be able to explain the bizarre encounter. "So... now you're trying to figure out if your understanding of sex is wrong or something?"
"I felt that, as a neutral observer to the situation, you would be appropriate to survey," Dream says.
(Neutral is a stretch, Hob thinks.)
"So I ask you, Hob Gadling, as a man demonstrably unbothered by 'hookup culture'--"
"Are you calling me a slut?"
"--what do you think is the correct amount that one should care about sex? Because I--" he breaks off, twisting his fingers in his hair, suddenly anxious-- "I do not know what I am doing wrong."
Hob moves to sit beside him, lays a hand lightly on his arm. He's about to say, you're not doing anything wrong, except... that may not precisely be true. At least in terms of how Dream is actually handling it with his partners.
"How much do you care about sex?" he asks.
"Not as much as I am supposed to, evidently," Dream says. Hob just waits for him to elaborate. "Not very much. I prefer not to think about it." He looks at Hob, weary. "Now you will tell me that this is abnormal."
"I don't know what's 'normal'," Hob says. "But it does sound different from how Cori felt about it."
"I suppose," Dream says, sadly.
Hob doesn't particularly like where the intersection of 'I don't care about sex' and 'we had sex all the time' lands him. "If you don't care that much, why keep doing it?"
"It is what is done, is it not?" says Dream. "Besides. I do not mind so much. But even when I do participate, it is still not good enough. Or so it seems."
It's because they're picking up on the fact that you're not really enjoying it, Hob thinks. No one wants a partner who's not engaging. Least not anyone decent. But not saying anything and then just dipping out suddenly is kind of a dickish move, in his opinion.
"Do you want to participate?" he asks.
This seems to give Dream pause. "Mostly I would prefer to do other things. Like. Dates. Only that does not seem much appreciated either." He twists his hands together. "Perhaps Cori is right. I. Care too much."
"No." Hob takes Dream's hands and untwists them. "Cori's a dickhead. You just need to find someone who's on the same page as you, that's all."
"But it seems that book is rather empty," Dream says. He hasn't taken his hands back from Hob.
"Well, was there anyone that you did like having sex with? Or has it always just been--" he can't help but cringe-- "you just putting up with it because you thought you were supposed to?"
"Calliope," Dream says instantly, and Hob lets out a relieved breath. At least it's not all bad. "Because, no matter that it ended poorly... I felt that she truly liked me. And not. Just sex."
"Okay, see?" he says. "You just have to find someone like that."
It... hurts, to try to push Dream into someone else's path. But Hob's long accepted that Dream doesn't feel that way about him. Dream rarely seems hesitant about trying to date anyone he is interested in. Surely if he felt that way about Hob, he would have made it clear by now.
"Someone," Dream echoes, looking down at their joined hands.
"Just because what you want isn't common doesn't mean it's not out there," Hob says, trying to be encouraging. "And hey, if you know now, you can avoid the whole 'not on the same page' rigamarole, hm?"
"Yes," Dream says. "I suppose so." Finally he takes back his hands, instead taking another apple slice from the plate Hob's left on the coffee table and chewing on it slowly.
I would love you right, Hob thinks, unwanted, unbidden. It's not a productive thought, and it's a painful one, too.
"Perhaps I will take a break," Dream decides, though doesn't sound entirely happy about it.
"Could be good," Hob says. "Get your head on right."
"Yes," Dream agrees. "This has been. Illuminating. I thank you for your counsel. I suppose I will have to also thank Cori, 'dickhead' though he may be."
And with that he retreats to his room, still seeming a little off-kilter. And Hob can't help but feel like he's gone wrong somewhere, said something wrong, though he doesn't know where, or what.
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botnasty · 7 months
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Part Four: No More Theory
Roommate!Bucky Barnes X F!Reader
Summary: Gone are the theories...
Words: 1,2K words
Warnings: ANGST, THIS IS ANGST CITY, then fluffy cheesiness :)
Note: All mistakes are mine and please tell me if I’m missing any warnings. Also sorry on the wait for this part, completely had a writers block.
Not proofread
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Laying in bed, you never felt more defeated in your life. Your mind was screaming at you for being stupid for thinking what you and Bucky had was exclusive. You couldn’t be mad at him for going after someone else tonight, you two never talked and made what you had/did more than what it really was: two friends having fun without any feelings. You didn’t want to believe it, but what happened today at the Halloween party made you open your eyes. You were just his friend with benefits. 
You whipped the tears falling on your damp cheeks and pulled the duvet closer to you. You didn’t know how tomorrow was going to be fairing, but one thing for sure is, you were going to stop whatever that was happening between you two before you got hurt. Never once had you let a man hurt you before, it won’t start now.
You picked up your phone from the bedside table and you could see so many texts. 25 from Natasha, 3 from Sam, but none from the person that mattered the most. Whatever, he was probably busy with that girl. In your mind, you hoped she was taking good care of him, but your hurt was aching. Why did you have to screw your friendship with that “Theory” bullshit? 
You closed your lamp and purged you into the peaceful darkness that is sleep - when the door opened. Only one other person other than you had the keys to the apartment and - because you didn’t want to deal with it right now - you fastly put your head on your pillow and closed your eyes, trying your hardest to regulate your breathing as you could hear footsteps coming closer. 
“Toots?” Bucky whispered. “Are you awake?” The footsteps stopped. Why was it so hard to breathe normally in his presence?
You felt a slight touch on your cheeks. “My beautiful, beautiful, toots.” You could feel his breath on your forehead and the slight touch of his lips on your nose. “Wake up.” He  said softly. You didn’t want to. You feared what you were going to say or do if you did. A kiss on your forehead. “Wake up, beautiful.” On your eyelid - which you couldn’t help but move. “Come back to me, toots.” And lastly on your lips before you couldn’t take it anymore. Your eyes felt like burning from holding your tears.
You slowly opened them. He was kneeled down right at the side of the bed. Just his smile alone made you want to just forget it happened and continue whatever it is you had. You waked and pulled yourself into a sitting position, pulling your cover closer to you like it was some sort of shield for your emotions. You almost jumped when he cupped your jaw and kissed your forehead. “I missed you, toots.” You looked at the clock, it hadn’t even been 2h since you left the party.
“I’ve only been gone for 2 hours, Bucky. I’m sure you would’ve been able to find more important people to spend your night with.” You rubbed your eyes to remove any trace that you were about to cry. Not in front of him. Never. 
“Toots, look at me.” You placed your hand down your lap and looked at him, his eyes were still bloodshot from all the weed he had taken during the party. “I love you.” Your heart exploded. It was not what you expected and you were mad. How dare him.
How dare him!
Fucking flirting and using the same technic he did on you with someone else not even a few hours before he said those words to you. What a fucking fraud of a man you were living with. You fought yourself to scoff at his words. 
He placed his forehead on yours. “I love you a whole lot. That’s why I can’t bear not being in the same room as you. You make everything so much better, you know.” Now that was just high person talk. 
You let out a small smile. “Come sleep, Bucky. You are high right now and are saying a bunch of bullshit. It’s time for you to sleep.” You went from your bed to drag him to your room. You wouldn’t let him sleep in yours when you barely could stand him right now. 
But Bucky didn’t move one bit.
“You don’t believe me…” Is what he said almost to yourself. 
Now the scoff escaped your mouth. “No I do not, Bucky. For so many reasons.”
He got up and tried to get close to you, but you stopped him with your hand.” First, you are high. And you know how you get when you are high. You ramble about things over and over, tell everyone you love them and you hug them. So, this certainly doesn't make me special.”
“You know—”
“Second, we never established what we had. All we do is fuck. Sure, you sometimes kiss me, we cuddle, but we never specify what’s going on between us.”
“I thought it was—”
“And last, you were literally flirting and using that ‘theory’ bullshit on someone else two hours ago. How can I believe that you love me when all this tells me otherwise, Bucky?” He stayed silent, looking down. His eyebrows frowning. “Do you see where I am coming from?”
“What girl?”
“The girl at the party! The one wearing a nurse costume. After you went to the bathroom, I tried to look for you and I found you being all cozy with her.”
“Oh, her.”
You placed your hands on your hips. “Yes, her.” Anger was bubbling inside of you wanting to come out like a volcano. 
“I thought she was you. You know I am not wearing my glasses.”
You shook your head. “So you were wearing contacts, what does it have to do with anything right now, Bucky.” You said desperately.
“Yes, I was wearing contacts, but those that make your iris look red, for my costume. So, I could barely see.” Your arms falling beside your body. Bucky placed his hands on your cheek, your eyes directly looking in his and he was right, his eyes were completely red, not from the weed, but because of the contacts. All anger vanished and all you could feel was shame. Shame for thinking he was playing you, for thinking he was just like the others that had hurt you. “I thought she was you, toots. I genuinely thought she was. I love you and I don’t see myself with anyone but you. Do you seriously think that, after years of trying to get your attention, I would mess it up for a random fuck?” You shook your head. “Exactly, my love. So please, believe me when I say this : I love you. I have loved you since I met you and I will love you until you let me.” 
You placed both hands on his wrist and looked deep into his eyes. “I love you too. Maybe not as long as you did, but I love you and I want no one else but you.”
And you kissed as the moonlight shines upon the two of you.
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Thank you so much for waiting and reading:)
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8siangemini · 1 year
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Enemies on the Mask, Lovers Underneath
Summary: You and Miles are both dating as civilians but neither of you know that you both are spider-man/woman. Miles likes the idea of you two working together as a pair but you are stubborn and competitive and do not want to develop a friendship between you two incase something happens to him. So you both end up competing against each other, trying to one up the other to see who is the better Spider-Person.
Word Count: 1, 395
Author’s Note: I was thinking about making this a multi-part series so if anyone wants a part 2 comment down below <3
“I hate him, he’s so annoying, obnoxious.” You say to your roommate, Kat, as you sit on the top of your shared bunk bed while drawing yourself in your new suit. Bottom half being black and the rib up being purple with a black spider symbol across the chest and on the back. Dark blue stripes with white webbing pattern wrapped around your arms and lined the inside of your hood.
Kat chuckles at your complaining of your automatically proclaimed partner, Spider-Man. When you were a child you adored the old Spider-Man, the Peter Parker Spider-Man. You always dreamed about working or even being him. But now as a teenager and understanding how the world works you could not imagine working so closely to the new Spider-Man, not wanting to feel the same pain of if something were to happen to him like Peter Parker. But once you showed your disinterest in Spider-Man you two began getting more competitive, wanting to one up the other either by saving more people, saving something more important, or just saving something more…more.
“He’s so irresponsible and immature, I garuntee that he’s younger than me.” You complain more to Kat.
“You know you have a boyfriend that you could complain to rather than me about a guy, right?” Kat snarks back but you just throw one of your markers from your pencil pouch down at her and she laughs a little.
“I couldn’t tell Miles any of this, what if something were to happen to him because someone figured out my identity and then gets to him.” You begin pointing out all of the cons of tell Miles about your secret life. “Or what if he rats me out to the bad guys, even though he would never because I would beat his ass. And why would I tell him and not you? Don’t you love me rambling and telling you the insides on the life of Widow?”
You wanted to separate yourself and not be attached to Spider-Man because of the name. So once you made your debut you gave yourself the name of Widow.
“And oh how much I love it.” Kat confesses and we both start laughing until the police station that you two tuned in on through your guys’ radio started picking up something.
“Time to see your most favorite person in the world.” Kat says sarcastically as you quickly jump off of the bunk and started taking off your sweatpants and hoodie to reveal your new suit.
“Ha ha, gotta get there before he does.” You say as you quickly pull over your mask onto your face.
As you hop out of the window, making sure no one is around, you begin typing on your phone as you swing to your destination. You text Miles, saying that you will have to postpone your guys’ hangout session in your dorm room while Kat usally goes to the library or does one of her other extra circulars.
‘Kat wants me to help her on a gift she is planning to give to her boyfriend can we hangout tomorrow?’ You type and almost instantly he sends a text before you can send yours.
‘Can we hangout tomorrow? I have to study for my Spanish test tomorrow.’ Miles texted. You founded it somewhat suspicious that he postponed your hangout session at the same time you were going to text.
‘Sure.’ Was all you texted, still suspicious that he canceled plans once you left the dorms.
Just as you send the text you get to the crime scene, multiple cop cars surrounding a museum. You put in one of your AirPods into your ears underneath your mask and tune into the police station on your phone.
‘Careful, subject has about twenty hostages still inside. We got most out but those last twenty are in the same gallery as subject. Subject is potentially armed.’ The station informed.
“Perfect.” You say underneath your breath.
You swing onto the top of the building and luckily the hostages and subject was in the art gallery with the window ceiling. You loved this place because it was where you and Miles’ first date was. He planned the date which was sweet since he listened to you when you said you liked art, just not classical, overly-symbolic art that was too abstract. On the date you were relieved once he said he did not understand any of the art and you confessed the same thing too. Once you two left the museum you two found an empty alleyway and made a spray paint mural down the street.
‘Gotta make this fast before the police find me and before he gets here.’ You think to yourself. Just as you did you see a small swinging figure coming closer in the distance. “Shit.” You say to yourself.
You quickly jump up and shoot webs on each end of the glass roof and pull yourself through the glass, breaking yourself into the room. You shoot webs at the gun first and then yanked it out of the subject’s hands and chucked it across the room. You quickly began running around the subject while shooting a web around them, wrapping them up.
Once they were wrapped your hands started glowing purple with some wisps emitting from your palms. The webs around the subject started glowing a deep purple as you forcefully crunched your palms slowly, causing the subject to crouch down. You quickly turned to the twenty hostages and one by one you took them out of the building and dropped them off in front of the police cars. You stand in front of Officer Morales, Miles’ dad, slightly panting and out of breath.
“Officer the subject is inside and secure, so whenever you wanna take him you can.” You inform Mr. Morales in a deeper voice.
Suddenly Spider-Man lands next to you, completely out of breath and crouching down to catch his breath after trying to get to the scene faster than he wish he had. You placed your hands on your hips and looked down at him as his hands were on his knees. Underneath the mask you had a smug smirk, proud that you saved this whole scene without him. He stared back up you, too tired to say anything. You quickly looked back at Mr. Morales.
“And I did it all on my own, he didn’t do shit.” You claimed as you pointed your thumb at him.
“Fucking bitch.” Spider-Man says underneath his breath, hoping that you did not hear. But you did and you quickly looked down at him with wide eyes.
“Wait so you two don’t work together?” Mr. Morales asks and you and Spider-Man look up at him with a pissed off expression.
“No!” You yelled simultaneously and Mr. Morales puts up his hands in defense and begins walking away from the two of you. You guys go back to glaring at each other.
“Well you were too slow to get here.” You say as you turn towards him with my arms crossed. He finally catches his breath and stands up to face you, him being slightly taller than you, he may have been lean but he had some built to him.
“If we could have actually work together then I think we would be a good team.” Spider-Man explains but you roll my eyes. “I mean we are so alike I think it would be good for us.” His voice starts to sound a little familiar, a little too familiar. But besides the point you knew why you two did not work together in the first place.
“This,” You say as you point from me to him. “Isn’t something special. You and I aren’t gonna form some sort of friendship.” You stated.
“And why not?” He asks in a firmer tone. Your memory goes back to what happened to the original Spider-Man a year ago but you shake it off.
“I already got enough people to worry about because of this lifestyle now.” You say bitterly as you step a little closer to the boy and press your index finger to his firm chest. “And I don’t need a little boy to get in the way from me saving this city.”
Before he could object you quickly shot your webs at the closest building and swung away from the angered boy.
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theotherseapancakes · 2 months
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Psssst. You mentioned no one cares about Philemon, but now I'm curious if you have any thoughts about his role in the games after he disappeared. And for sillies sake, does he have anything to do with the Dance games?
I have been waiting my entire life for this. Anon do you realize how verbose I'm going to get. DO YOU REALIZE? I hope you like read mores. Let me preface this with I am aware and have seen some popular theories, so I'm going to sidestep a lot of them and present one I've built since... well, I became a Persona fan as a teenager. MAJOR PERSONA SERIES SPOILERS LIKE THE ENTIRE THING OK? OK. yes even royal.
The P2 PSP additional scenario is so incredibly important and I think everyone missed the point of it. THE PERSONA 2 PSP ADDITIONAL TATSUYA SCENARIO!!!! It's beyond important, because it reveals to us Philemon can have more than one Avatar we know about, just like Nyarly. (Casual reminder he's like half the shopkeeps in P2. Time Count, anyone? Why was the Time Count so hot. Anyway.) Disclaimer: I'm just a casual fan who has played a LOT of Persona and SMT. I haven't gotten around to all of them, but I've played/finished both paths of 1, 2, 3 (and p3p) as well as 4 and 5. Didn't manage to get my hands on Golden but I've seen enough of it. (It's funny you ask about the dance games, they're the only ones I don't have right now! But my roommate does, and will be gone for a few months soon, perhaps I will take the time to start with p4DAN. I'm atrocious at rhythm games though so more than likely I'll find a video. Anyway.) WHAT is Philemon? If we can't define that, we can't talk about The Positivity Guy Ever.
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So let's talk about Phil. He's a fascinating character. His Persona is just a form of Himself, But Cooler. And he seems to HAVE no set shape, not unlike Nyarlathotep. People have various theories about Shadows and their origins etc., but Phil is more like that vote of confidence in people. I think, personally, that after the end of Innocent Sin, Phil's been pretty weak. We see in Eternal Punishment he's fading pretty roughly, and has a hard time talking to the party. Presumably ending Nyarly might to some degree fix things when Deja-vu Boy goes home, but... the problem is, we don't know how fixed they truly ended up being, or the full depth of how much he could/did expend!
In fact, the first time we even see Phil without the dumb mask is when Tatsuya decks him. Pay close attention to that fact. To the mask motifs here. I want you to really soak in Phil's everything. He's a leader. A kind soul. He's the good of people. He wants to believe the best.
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Anyway, most of these things overlook what I find really interesting as we've gotten more games worth of lore: he and Nyarly aren't the only eldritch entities walking around like that. Yes, Nyx is one too. Yes, it's probable she may even be their 'mom'. It's possible they all came from Nyx initially, but it's also possible (and should be considered) they too may have been outsiders at one point. We need to ask ourselves how far the human collective unsconsciousness can go. Is that sea infinite? Could it affect other worlds? Think about Aion in Devil Summoner Soul Hackers 2. Yes, I am asking you to think about Soul Hackers 2. Deal with it, I don't care. They're sister series. They share many things. SO! Did the shape of the human mind change a bunch of eldritch creatures and make them interact with us even more after Nyx smacked the moon a gazillion years ago? Is there multiple worlds? Weird bullshit? Just the two? Hmm. Well... I, personally, think so. I think he was touched by humanity just like Nyarlathotep, but in the other way. The reason I bring this up is two-fold. The first is Nodens. Now, we don't know much about the actual Nodens, unfortunately, just some speculation. Which is a shame. (If anyone has more info I'd love to have it, ngl. As a pagan this shit fascinates me.) But what we do get on him in Lovecraftian lore can provide us some intriguing possibilities about Phil's everything, which the games love to keep really rather vague. (And this is putting aside that his human Persona is based off the obviously bogus Jungian Spirit Guide, but we love an old guy in a mask anyway. He probably felt that was more 'friendly' for humans, hah.) I believe that Nodens, and Phil by extension, are just as responsible for nurturing and keeping the collective unconsciousness alive and positive. We see the butterfly symbol everywhere. We see it with Lavenza, too. "This is truly an unjust game." So was the bet Phil made with Nyarly, a game he rigged. Phil made the mistake of thinking the Crawling Chaos wouldn't cheat, a mistake he is never making again, I assume, if he can help it. Shit, you could view his boss fight in P2EP as him trying to train the EP crew to beat the snot out of Nyarly, even. But off topic. If Nyarly is basically the father of all Shadows, and they and Personas are the same coin, it makes me wonder a lot of things. The two have always been portrayed as simultaneously diametrically opposed, but also not? They have identical halls in P2. They have similar powers and talents... I think after Persona 3, Phil's remnants sank into the Collective Unconsciousness, to attempt to rehabilitate humanity from what it lost, from what he himself lost. I think Igor took over the room, because he took a backseat to recover. It would go a long, long way towards explaining why only SOME characters have the tier of the Wild Card, which is similar to the 'original' Persona power. (Having multiple.) He was took weak to remain in his Spirit Guide (Philemon) form, and had to abandon it to return to the depths as Nodens... So. Let me go back to Nodens and make some notes about design.
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Nodens, as seen here, sort of resembles an iron maiden. It really brings to mind the idea of maybe Tatsuya or someone's humanoid form sleeping within it, doesn't it? Fitting for an aspect of Philemon! ... You probably can see where I'm going with this, but let me pull up some screens to finish the point:
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That's right! It's Azathoth, Baby! I believe that unlike mythology, he's yet another aspect of Philemon. Eldritch positivity, in too much force, could be used for accidental bad, too. (Reasons Maruki is my favorite Law Hero, haha.) Let me explain. I think Philemon always existed in... let's call it parts. Azathoth is said to be a dreaming god in whom's universe we all just happen to be alive inside, right? "Dream of butterfly" (Philemon) "Or is life a dream? Don't wanna wake up. Cuz I'm happy here." That sure is thematic to what Maki goes through in Persona 1, and what Maruki's beloved suffers, isn't it? ISN'T IT. The "true reality" he creates... would help Maruki create in the additional Semester--would be something most humans would never pass the muster to even try to control. But we have seen Phil test a few people and find them worth passing before! However, that seems like ages ago. Why has he been so quiet? I think because he was spending time conserving his energy. He believed in humanity enough to give Makoto a push when it was needed in p3 (or femc, if you play her), but otherwise trusted Igor while he restored what needed it. But in Persona 5 Royal, he hand-picked Maruki, didn't he? At first, when I played Persona 5 Royal, I really thought it was some part of Nyarly, but I no longer believe this to be the case. The coloration and symbolism in the background (the golds, the whole garden of eden themes, the way his Palace was laid out), the whole sea of soul motifs in P3Re later... mmm. I have a lot of thoughts about this, but this post is already way too long for one simple ask. So let's wrap up by going one step further and looking finally at Nodens' dialogue to the party in the Extra Scenario in Persona 2: Eternal Punishment (PSP). The following is a transcript, you can find a video here:
Nodens: This is the memory of the lost child whom you all seek. Nodens: Memory occasionally brings about much distress and suffering, but it is absolutely vital to distinguish oneself from others and manufacture one's own psyche. Nodens: Ever since it began, life's memory has accumulated unbroken, passing through individual experiences and spanning several generations. Nodens: And so it has given shape to Kadath and the Collective Unconsciousness, thereby becoming a foundation for the next generation. Nodens: Even if the roots of the world are directed by fear and anxiety, never forget that the true essence of life is brimming with joy. Nodens: You must not stop seeking the answer for why life was born in a cosmos progressing towards absurdity and chaos. Nodens: Life brims with joy, bringing about balance in a universe predestined to heat death, and that allows the world to live a long time.
So to answer your question, I think he's taken a much subtler role. I think he's influencing people by pretending to be a Persona for Maruki, because he believes it will help them grow. I don't think he was intending a forever-control vice grip, but rather to prove a point. No matter what, the primordial chaos of humanity will rise up for chaotic good, lawful good, whatever "good" is needed. Azathoth is... interesting. Adam Kadmon is also interesting. But mostly I HIGHLY suspect we may see him again in Persona 6, or at least I'm hoping so. It's my personal pet theory by then he'll be less faded and come back to us in a new form of some kind. He's never had a set one, after all. Now for funsies about the dancing game, well, he's a positive guy, he wanted to just make sure everyone had their fitness regimen checked off. Obviously. (This is a joke.) Did the devs intend this? I'm honestly not sure? Like there's a lot of nods to older Personas in 5 and now 3RE especially, but it's definitely worth chewing on. I could go on and on about things I think he's connected to, but ultimately they have the final say lol. I'm just a crackpot conspiracy theorist on tumblr who really likes Philemon. He and the Room are my favorites. :) Ask me about attendants for additional dumb, sometime, I guess lol.
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pillow-anime-talk · 10 months
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Hii for the prompt could you do 42 nsfw with leonardo luna from blue lock with she/her reader (maybe in a fwb situation) but whatever you write im sure it will be amazing💖
# tags: scenario; friends with benefits; roommates!au; study!au; kinda romance; smut; aged-down (20 y/o); nsfw
warnings: mention of sex and sexual acitivities, high stamina, no foreplay, angry sex, a bit of fingering yourself, hair pulling, hickeys and bites, mention of crying
includes: female reader ft. leonardo luna {blue lock}
author’s note: ooo okay, my first bl request, very nice! 
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42. “… You wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid.”
The blueberry scent of the candle was in the air, and your favorite study playlist was playing in the background. The summer semester was slowly coming to an end and you had one last exam to write. Concentrated on drawing and highlighting important information on the book, you almost jumped and spilled peppermint tea on your notebook, swore under your breath. In each device, the sound of the bell and the beating of the fist on the wooden exit door spreads. Slowly you made your way towards the noise and when you saw your roommate on the other side you just rolled your eyes.
“… What happened this time? And why didn’t you remember the keys?” You opened the fair-haired man’s door wider, and he cursed only under his breath, temporarily walking towards the bathroom. “It’s nice to see you again too, Leo.” You locked the door and then you went back to your bedroom.
While you were studying, you heard dripping water all the time, and a few swear words, as well as a sound informing you that your friend had dropped something on the shower tray. You heard the sound of a hair dryer, water running in the sink and brushing teeth, and (at the end) the slam of a door as the twenty-year-old completed his evening routine. After a while, the door to the room opened, and Leonardo appeared on the threshold.
“We lost.” He grumbled sat down on your made-up bed and you sighed a little.
“I’m sorry about this?” You replied uncertainly, still focusing on your colorful notebooks. You definitely didn’t know anything about sports and you definitely didn’t know how to make other people feel better in crisis situations. “You won’t always win everything.” You replied and this time you looked at the young man, smiling slightly. “You always give your best, right? So I guess it’s okay.” His gaze was a bit tender, but also somewhat lustful.
Football was more than just a sporting hobby for your male friend; it was his biggest passion, his reason to live, his way of life, his future and his job. Just as for you the most important thing now was studying and taking care of your future through learning, so for your friend it was football, the field and the team.
You turned your head lighlty to the right as Leonardo began to touching the hem of his boxers and looked around the white room. You knew exactly where this was all leading up to. You’ve known him since the beginning of your studies, since you both started being roommates; his parents bought a two-room apartment in the city center and to relieve their costs a bit, they decided to rent one room. When looking for a place to study, Leonardo’s parents’ offer turned out to be the most favorable in terms of price and location. When you first met you were both single with no desire to start a relationship; you focused on college, he on sports. So you two entered into a relation focusing on sex. Thanks to this you knew when your roommate was feeling emotional, stressed, nervous and sad.
“… You wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid.” You laughed as you put down your pen and undid the first button of your sleep shirt. “Do you want something? Just say it, Leo.”
Without a word, the young man got up from his seat and walked over to you. His hands cupped your face in a confident way, and his lips landed on yours. The kiss was wet, a bit intrusive, fast, but at the same time full of emotions – especially the negative ones. He expressed nervousness, a desire to dominate, desperation, anger. You allowed the man to touch your body and face, and without a word you allowed him to move your body from the comfortable chair to the equally comfortable mattress on big bed.
Leonardo needed only a few moments to take off his loose boxers and then a few more seconds to take off your cute set of pajamas with penguins and polar bears. For a moment, he thought about commenting on your outfit, but instead, he just reached into the nearest cupboard for a pack of condoms. His cock was hard and dripping with the first juices, and you just touched your wet pussy, involuntarily inserting two fingers into her. A quick fingering relaxed your muscles and mind, adding some spice to the image of your naked body. The young footballer’s mind was focused on you.
Without a word, you spread your lower lips a bit more, allowing the man to enter your pussy in one smooth move. Lubricant wasn’t needed, you were wet enough.
Your sex has never been vanilla – quite the opposite. Leonardo didn’t look and wasn’t a romantic for whom positive emotions, plans for the future, candlelit dinners or charming kisses mixed with tender words mattered. The movements of his hips were hard, chaotic, and always touched the back wall of your uterus. Whenever you fucked you got the best orgasms and that was enough for you; you didn’t have to get flowers or kisses. Good sex made up for it all.
During the first hickey of the evening, you firmly grabbed the man by his still slightly damp blond hair. Your fingers tangled in the soft strands, and your neck was marked with more and more maroon and pink marks. The shivers on your body indicated the first spasms of pleasure, and the footballer entered your body with more and more force, clasping his hands tightly on your buttocks, hips or arms. Years of training, years of endurance training on the pitch, years of running after a black-white ball resulted in the possibility of having sex for long minutes, quarters of an hour and even hours.
Your sweaty forehead touched Leonardo’s equally sweaty neck; you only clenched your teeth tighter on his muscular nape and your fingernails on his athletic back. You felt pleasure spreading through your body, you felt amazing moisture between your legs, and your face was decorated with transparent tears.
“… It’s not over yet, Y/N.” He whispered into your ear, biting your earlobe lightly, and you nodded. Studying for exams could definitely wait.
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ayameric · 2 years
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Total Khaos | W. Maximoff
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YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO REPOST MY WORK UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE.
Summary: You and Wanda had been dating for a little while, but the witch was becoming a little impatient about meeting a certain friend of yours.
Also shoutout to @lis-likes-fics for the inspiration on the symbiote character idea!
Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Symbiote!Reader
Main Masterlist
WC: 2710 - Based on request 'I'm sorry you had to see me like that'.
TW: None really, mentions of violence and eating people, slight ass grab.
You and Wanda had been dating for a few months now, and you were still relatively new to the team. So, Wanda and the rest of the Avengers were still getting to know you a bit, but it felt easier with the Sokovian.
She had similar life experiences to you; the pain and suffering you had both endured had allowed you to both connect emotionally and develop a relationship. In reality, you knew from the moment you laid eyes on her she was bound to find a way into your heart eventually, her deep green eyes and luxuriously silky brown hair in contrast to her light milky skin, you were completely enamoured.
Unfortunately, so was Khaos.
See, you were a two for one deal. What appeared to most was just you, but you also happened to co-habit your body with a symbiote named Khaos. A relative of Venom, you were helping to clean up the mess that was caused in San Francisco when you and the symbiote you’ve come to love/hate met.
Since then, you had both been on the run from the laboratory that had once housed the alien, until the Avengers found you and offered you sanctuary and a job. But because you were new, you had yet to go out on your first mission, and only some of the team actually knew of your ‘condition’.
Wanda did not.
She had heard, but had never met your slimy companion, as you had warned Khaos to stay away until you felt ready for the two to meet. You were afraid that your overly enthusiastic and violent friend would scare your new girlfriend away, and after everything you had been through in your life, that was the last thing you wanted to happen.
However, you were quite unaware of just how keen Wanda was to see your powers. It seemed as though everyone but her had seen your abilities, and she was feeling somewhat left out and untrusted. She had even brought it up to you, but you had assured her that it was nothing to do with her and that it was entirely Khaos you were concerned with, to which the symbiote growled in your ear.
You and Khaos had quite the odd relationship, but you had come to respect each other. Therefore, Khaos was understanding of your want to keep her away from Wanda, but she too was growing tiresome. It seemed that it was only you wanting to keep the pair from meeting.
“Why is it even important?” You asked playfully, only for Wanda to groan.
The pair of you were sparring in the gym, having been assigned partners for the day. The room itself was empty and relatively quiet, aside from the echoes of your conversation and the punches Wanda landed on the punching bag that you were holding for her.
“Because! It’s a part of you and I feel like you’re hiding it from me!” Wanda told you, somewhat breathlessly as she halted her assault on the bag. You couldn’t tell, but Wanda was getting pretty frustrated, as was your roommate.
“Yes! She is right! Stop hiding me from her. I promise, she will love me!” The symbiote yelled in your head, and you squinted at the volume of her voice.
“I’m not hiding her from you, Wanda! I’m just-“ You trailed off, loosening your grip on the bag and letting your gaze fall to the ground from your girlfriend.
“-You’re what?” Wanda asked, desperate to get some sort of real answer from you.
“I don’t know!” You said exasperatedly, throwing your arms up in the air. You did feel guilty for hiding Khaos from Wanda. “I’m worried you might see the real us and it might…scare you off?”
Wanda’s face softened at your confession, hearing you trail off and a sense of vulnerability in your tone. She dropped her stance and stepped close to you.
“Y/N, baby. Nothing could ever scare me away from you.” Wanda told you tenderly. Despite only being together for a few months, it was clear you two were meant for each other. You had yet to drop the big ‘L’ bomb, but it was looming. But this whole ‘Khaos meeting Wanda’ thing had put a little dampener on your relationship as of late. “I know you’re afraid, but please, I meant what I said when we started dating; I want all of you.”
You couldn’t help but smile at her confession, getting somewhat shy under the woman’s gaze and feeling your cheeks flush. You reached down and grabbed at Wanda’s wrapped hands, taking them into your own and squeezing gently. Maybe it is time for Wanda to see all of you, and Khaos wasn’t that bad, right?
“I am very polite!” Khaos tried to help sway you over. “I promise I will behave.”
“Maybe I’ll let Khaos meet you, but I’m making sure she behaves.” You told Wanda, and she smiled at the admission. “She can’t be that bad-“
As you were finally thinking it would be a good idea, the gym doors burst open revealing a dishevelled looking Clint.
"Sorry to break up whatever romantic moment you guys are having, but we have an emergency in DC. Cap wants us all ready and at the Quinjet in ten minutes.” The archer told you, nodding briefly before rushing off.
“Shit, duty calls.” Wanda deflated slightly, letting go of your hands.
“This is my first mission.” You realised in a quiet tone, staring off blankly. Wanda looked at you and she felt a sense of pride swell in her chest.
“You’ll do great.” She told you sincerely, but Wanda also had a moment of realisation. A mission would mean she’d get to meet your other half. She’d finally get to see Khaos. Part of Wanda felt bad at wanting to meet the symbiote so badly, but out of pure curiosity and a little bit of jealousy that everyone else had met her. But Wanda had been vulnerable with you, about her powers and everything, so why weren’t you?
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The mission was supposed to go one way, in and out, minimal fuss and casualties. But of course, things never went to plan for the Avengers.
You were told to hang back, observe a little and help if needed, as the team were still cautious about you letting loose an alien on the battleground. Khaos was getting antsy, and you could tell containing her was going to be particularly difficult.
Hydra agents were opening fire on a highway in D.C, and had taken hostages. The situation had escalated in the time it had taken you all to get there, and it wasn’t exactly going to be an easy first mission. Natasha was initially instructed to stay with you, as she had experiences with dealing with people that had very angry and violent alter egos. However, Bruce was back at the compound, so you would be filling in for him.
But as things got worse, Nat had to dash off, and couldn’t ‘babysit’ you, so you were told to hang back. They couldn’t risk you rushing around unsupervised, they had no idea how Khaos would react.
Wanda was also preoccupied, trying to shield civilians and get them to safety off the bridge. You were still in the back of her mind though, but she could only hope you were safe, and that Khaos would protect you.
But even you were getting a little annoyed, hanging back and watching your friends rush off to save the day. You felt useless.
“We should be helping them! Not standing here like a fucking idiot!” Khaos roared in your ear, and you smacked the side of your head in hopes of getting her to shut up. You were still sat on the Quinjet that was around the block, wearing your tactical gear but not using it.
“I know! I know! But- we were told to stay here.” You argued back, standing up abruptly and beginning to pace around the aircraft.
“Fuck it, just let me take control! I can handle these tiny mortals!” The symbiote tried, and you were beginning to give into the urge. It was like a scratch beneath your skin that you couldn’t itch until you gave up your body to the alien.
You remained silent for a moment, before groaning.
“Fine! Let’s go.” You gave in, and Khaos exclaimed in excitement as her slimy navy skin began to take over your body and engulf it. It wasn’t long before you stood at a terrifying size and height, large white eyes and a snarling mouth.
“Finally! Time to feast!” Khaos screamed, before pounding out of the jet on all fours to rush to the action.
In fact, you got there in seconds, the alien leaping in the air and pouncing on top of a car with an almighty crash, letting out a roar that would strike fear in any soldier. It caused your teammates to turn around and look at you with wide eyes, expecting to see a much smaller looking Y/N.
“Y/N?!” Steve yelled out in shock, as Khaos snapped her head to look at the tiny man. Her tongue hung out of her mouth as she snarled into a wicked smile.
“Captain Rogers, I’ll take it from here.” The symbiote instructed, bouncing over the captain, Natasha and Clint, and bounding toward the group of Hydra agents taking cover behind cars across the freeway.
“Khaos, don’t!” Natasha tried, but it was no use. The symbiote pounced on an unsuspecting Hydra soldier, and swiped a large fist at him, sending him flying off the side of the bridge. The rest of the soldiers began to fire as their teammate screamed, but their bullets did nothing. Khaos began rampaging, using her skin to form tentacles to rip the weapons from the agents, and keep them suspended in the air as she attacked.
“Khaos, no eating!” You warned her as she threatened to dangle one into her large jaw, which snapped shut at your chastising, tossing the man aside.
“No fun.” She grumbled, continuing her assault on the small army.
The rest of the team were taking out stragglers, and Steve had called on everyone to regroup. Wanda was quick to come flying round, using her powers to lower herself down onto the tarmac.
“What’s going on?” She asked out of confusion, looking around. This wasn’t part of the plan.
“You’re girlfriend’s gone crazy!” Clint yelled in frustration, pointing to the current carnage Khaos was unleashing.
Wanda’s eyes followed his finger, and went wide at the sight of a now nearly ten foot slimy alien slicing through Hydra agents.
“Th-That’s Khaos?!” She asked in shock.
“What were you expecting?!” Natasha yelled back, everyone worried that they wouldn’t be able to get Khaos back under control.
There weren’t many agents left, the symbiote having made quick work of them, so the team knew it was time to step in to calm the beast. A lullaby, as Natasha called it. But this wasn’t Bruce, or the Hulk. This was a much bigger, angrier, and stronger alien that hadn’t really seen much of before.
“Khaos, come on, that’s enough!” You tried to rope her in, but she had been in storage for a long time, and she was letting out all her frustration on these assholes.
“Is this not cathartic?! They deserve this!” Khaos defended. “Remember what they did to Wanda!
It was a low blow, but that ignited something in you, an anger. Hydra were cruel, and you weren’t going to let them hurt Wanda again. Feeling the change in your tone, Khaos laughed wickedly and continued the onslaught. Unrelenting, the symbiote took no mercy on the soldiers, no matter how many grenades and bullets they fired.
“Y/N!” A voice called out from behind you, one you both recognised. One you loved. Khaos snapped her head around, after taking out the final standing Hydra goon.
“Wanda?” The alien questioned, watching the witch step cautiously around the wreckage to get closer to you. She was walking with a hand held out slightly in front of her, almost defensively.
Despite her name, and her violent nature, Khaos cared for Wanda as much as you did, and seeing her almost look in fear at you made her feel bad. Khaos didn’t feel bad very often, if at all. The beast seemingly calmed at the sight and sound of your girlfriend, and the rage inside you subsided at her tone.
You wanted to call out to her, but she wouldn’t hear you. You really just wanted to hold her.
“Khaos? Whoever! Look,” Wanda was finally a few feet away from you, lowering her arm. “It’s over. They’re gone. You did it.”
Wanda was broaching you as calmly as possible, and the team knew that she would have the best chance at talking Khaos down.
“Gone.” Khaos mumbled, looking around briefly at the bloodshed she had caused.
“Yeah, all gone. You did a good job.” Wanda smiled at you, and despite the clear worry in her eyes, you knew she was being sincere.
“It’s nice to meet you, Wanda.” Khaos changed the subject, turning her attention back to the Sokovian and kneeling slightly.
Wanda titled her head slightly and smirked.
“It’s good to meet you too, Khaos.” She greeted, taking a tentative step closer to the alien that towered over her, even kneeling.
“Finally, Y/N does nothing but think and talk about you,” Khaos informed her, and Wanda tried not to blush at the admission. “I can see why she does. You are a beautiful creature, Wanda.”
“Thank you, Khaos. But I think it’s time for me to see Y/N, now.” Wanda told the creature, and she grumbled again.
“But we have just met!”
“I know, but we can talk properly back at the compound, but I need to make sure Y/N is okay.” Wanda smiled sweetly, and Khaos snarled, mumbling that ‘she’s fine, but okay’, before relinquishing control back over to you. Her skin began to disappear, before a completely fine looking you stood in front of Wanda.
The exchange of control was always quite weird, nauseating at first. You stumbled a little at the height adjustment, looking around briefly to see just how much damage your friend had caused before your eyes settled on your girlfriend in front of you.
“Hi Wanda.” You greeted sheepishly, but the witch didn’t respond. Her face was emotionless for a moment, before she stepped forward and pulled you into a tight embrace, immediately burying her head in your neck. You reciprocated quickly, pulling your arms around her waist and holding her tightly.
“I’m glad you’re okay.” Wanda mumbled into your neck, making you chuckle.
“Me and Khaos are always okay.” You admitted, and Wanda pulled away from you, but still remained in arms reach. Your gaze dropped for a moment, realising that you had let Khaos have too much control. A sense of shame and embarrassment washed over you. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that.”
Wanda furrowed her brows, confused at your emotion.
“Why? Y/N, I told you. No matter what, I will never leave you.” Wanda admitted, grabbing your hand like you had earlier that day. “You let me see all of you, and Khaos is a part of you. Don’t be ashamed of it.”
“I can’t help it, I- I just don’t want to scare you away,” You looked at her with glossy eyes. “I can’t lose you Wanda.”
Wanda’s smile wobbled slightly, seeing you get upset always did that to her.
“I will never, ever leave you. I love you.” Wanda told you seriously, and your face softened into a smile at her.
“I love you too.” You closed the gap and pulled Wanda into a sweet kiss, a short peck on the lips, but you both got lost in the moment. The kiss deepened as you swiped your tongue across Wanda’s lips, which parted and granted you entry. Sure, kissing here was probably weird, but you needed this. The kiss was sweet until Wanda grumbled, parting from you quickly and pulled away.
“Y/N, did you just grab my ass?” Wanda smacked your chest, and you looked shocked at the accusation until you realised, rolling your eyes.
“Khaos!”
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livingdreams97 · 1 year
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Wednesday Addams -- "The wolf in my bed" (Part 1)
Wednesday Addams x Male reader/oc
Summary: The new girl at Nevermore Academy is forced to live with a person who is the complete opposite of herself. But what will happen when the brother of said roommate has a personality similar to Wednesday's?
Words: 3.884
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Masterlist
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POV You
Being a teenager these days is not easy and anyone who says otherwise is lying. With all the technologies that exist today , we are bombarded with images of a "perfect" society in which different people and special abilities have no place.
But we are lucky because Nevermore Academy exists , where the students are all people with special psychic abilities or as they also call us: outcasts and where we can be ourselves at all times.
The only bad thing about Nevermore is Jericho, the town is almost half an hour walk away and where the students of Nevermore are not looked upon with good eyes .
Ajax : Hey Y/n.- I listen making me get out of my thoughts and pay attention to my friend. -Have you seen your sister ? - he asks me interested entering my room.
Y/n: I haven't seen her since the end of classes.- I answer confused, stopping to observe the wall painted in the shape of stone and getting up from my desk chair.
When I got to Nevermore they put me with a roommate in the double rooms, but I had some problems with my transformations while sleeping and Principal Weems moved me to another room.
She decided it was better to get me away from the students a bit and have a room to myself. So my room now is at the top of one of the towers and I can decorate it however I want.
Xavier was my first friend at the academy so when they changed my room, he offered to paint my room.
So with my love for nature and the forest, I asked him to help me decorate the room as if it were a cabin in the woods.
And the truth is that it turned out quite well. We only had to sand the walls, so that the wood had a lighter color and paint one of the walls as if it were a giant rock. Shortly after, Ajax appeared with his friend and he helped me with the furniture and some other detail . And I will be grateful to them for all my life, since my room in my safe place in this academy.
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(This is how Y/n´s room is, but without the horns chandelier.)
In addition to the fact that if it were due to my twin, my room would look like a unicorn's vomit and that would be a constant torture for the eyes.
I see how a lock of my blonde hair is placed in front of my eyes and it bothers me. I have medium length hair that is combed back with some mousse .
Y/n: Why are you looking for her?- I ask confused, accommodating my hair back with my hand and approaching him.
Ajax: Because I've heard that they've given her a roommate.- he answers with a slight grimace. -And you know what I heard from her roomie? - asks what I deny. -That she eats human flesh and not only that, but she killed a boy in her last high school and ate him whole.- he tells me and I look at him somewhat strangely.
Y/n: I don't think that's true. - I deny with a bit of disbelief.
Ajax: Well, that's what they told me.- he nods with his head between excited and worried.
Y/n: My friend, you know that not everything people say is true, right? - I ask, placing a hand on his shoulder.
Ajax : I know.- He nods as if it were obvious. But who would invent such a thing ? - he asks me incredulously.
Y/n: Anyone who is bored.- I shrugged without giving it importance. -Are you coming to the square?- I ask him and he nods in response.
Ajax : You know something I don't understand?- he asks as we walk through the corridors of the school. –Why  all the furry ones have hair everywhere and clearly you don't.- he comments pointing to my hair.
Y/n: Because my appearance does matter to me.- I answer without thinking too much about it.
Most of the werewolf students in this academy are rather scruffy, with long hair and not paying much attention to their appearance. But there are others to whom our physical appearance matters to us and we worry about having a good image.
Y/n: Do you know what I don't understand ? - I ask him funny. -That after years of being friends, you've realized now and not when we started to be friends.- I commented after he nodded.
Ajax : I suppose it's because I had never considered it.- he comments shrugging his shoulders.
I just shake my head and we continue walking towards the square. The square is where we students socialize and get together to plan things outdoors.
Ajax : Look, there 's your sister.- He points to the side of the square and yes, my sister is in the covered part of the place. -Come on.- he says and practically runs towards her.
I just look at him with a raised eyebrow, walking behind him and feeling a certain protectiveness towards my sister.
When I get to where they are, I only get to appreciate the face of situation and slight fear on my sister's face.
But when my sister steps away, I see a short girl with pale skin and black hair in two braids with bangs.
XX: Quite the contrary.- the new girl says impassively, staring at my friend who is now pale. -In fact, I make steaks with the bodies of my victims and feed them to my pets.-  she says monotonously and without any facial gesture, causing a laugh on my part.
Y/n: I'm sorry.- I apologize clearing my throat when the three look at me. -It's not funny.- I deny, pressing my lips together to hold back my laughter, because of the look that my sister and one of my best friends are giving me.
Enid: Hee hee .- fakes an uncomfortable laugh. - Ajax , Y/n this is my new friend Wednesday and Y/n is my twin brother Wdnesday.- she introduces us, causing a slight interest in her eyes and I smiled in greeting.
Ajax : Wow, you're in black and white.- he comments, staring at the new girl. -Like a real Instagram filter.- he comments and I hit him on the neck. -Dude.- he complains, rubbing the back of his neck and giving me a dirty look.
Enid: Ignore him, he spends too much time getting high. Handsome but clueless.- she says pushing my friend, who runs away scared and I laugh before stopping processing the last thing he said.
Y/n: Kind of handsome but clueless?- I ask crossing my arms and frowning.
Enid: I don't know what you're talking about.- she responds playing crazy.
Y/n: You know exactly what I mean. - I accused her, completely ignoring the new girl. -You can't go out with Ajax.- I deny seriously.
Wednesday: And why can you tell her that she can't go out with that guy?– she question impassively and without any kind of emotion.
Y/n: Because there are rules between siblings and among those rules there is one not to go out with each other's best friends.- I comment with a fake smile. -And don't be offended, but this is none of your business.- I tell her somewhat sincerely.
Enid: Y/n!- she exclaims hitting my arm. -Wednesday is my friend now and you can't talk to her like that.- she reproaches me with some anger.
Y/n: Don't change the subject.- I point to my sister. -No.- I say seriously and walk away from them walking towards Xavier and Ajax .
Although my sister's new roommate seems interesting and I doubt the rumors about her are true, or at least the vast majority. I don't think getting close to her is the best thing.
Ajax: I swear Xavier, he looks like a living Instagram filter.- he tells our best friend.
Y/n: Do you want to stop saying nonsense? - I ask him a little funny. -She's a pale girl with black hair, it's not a filter.- I explain simply.
Ajax: But it looks like a black and white filter.- He defends his idea.
Y/n: You continue like this and you will end up seeing the day with a black filter.- I assure him with a somewhat evil smile.
Ajax: Don't even think about doing it again.- He points a finger at me, taking a step back and running to hide behind our friend.
Y/n: Try me.- I say moving my eyebrows in amusement.
Xavier: I don't want to repeat last year's discussion.- he assures us somewhat amusingly.
Ajax: Last year he started it and today he is starting it too.- he pointed out to me in the form of an accusation.
Y/n: How dare you.- I say with my hand on my offended chest. -It was you who stole my hamburger when I went to wash my hands and then I blamed Yoko.- I defend myself from what happened a year ago.
Ajax: Because it was Yoko who ate the hamburger!- he exclaimed with his hands in the air.
Y/n: So a vampire who feeds on blood ate a hamburger?- I ask ridiculously, trying to make him understand again what I told him last year.
Ajax: Yes.- he responds energetically.
Y/n: You tell him or I tell him.- I say with some exasperation to my other friend.
Xavier: Ajax , vampires feed on blood and don't usually eat anything else.- he explains slowly as if he were a 3-year-old child.
Ajax: Ok, I ate it and paid for it last year.- he admits again. -But I don't understand what's wrong with my opinion regarding the new one, you don't even know her and you're already defending her.- He points at me accusingly and I realize that it's true.
Xavier: Ajax is right about that, you've never defended anyone from a simple comment from this stupid one if it's not about your sister.- he comments intrigued, pointing to our gorgon friend . -Do you like the new girl? – he asks in a funny tone raising his eyebrow.
Y/n: What? No.- I deny immediately. -I've barely crossed two words with her and she doesn't look like she's looking for friends.- I assure him and they both look at each other,  before looking at me with amusement .
Ajax: Y/n likes Wednesday, Y/n likes Wednesday.- he sings repeatedly and I growl at him angrily. -Oh oh.- he whispers looking at me with his eyes wide open.
Xavier: I would run away, my friend, before the wolf caughts you.- He comments amused and the gorgon does.
Y/n: Don't run away! - I shout starting to run after him and colliding with other students during the chase.
How dare he insinuate that I like Wednesday. I barely know her and in case I did like her, she's friends with my sister and that means I can't date her.
But I don't care, because I don't like it and there will be no problem with it. Exactly, I don't like her and I don't find her dark aura attractive at all.
That is, her dark aura is interesting to me? Possibly. That aura can be very attractive in a woman? It can also be. But that I like my sister's new pale roommate? No, that's a resounding and definitive no. Right?
Wednesday POV
I had barely spent two days in this jail and so far the events in my escape attempt have prevented my escape.
All because of three guys dressed up as religious fanatics and their crystalline masculine egos. If they hadn't turned up in the cafeteria, I'm sure Principal Weems wouldn't have found me and I'd probably be on a train away from this place by now.
But not. The events of this day lead me to this moment, playing my cello in the solitude and light darkness of the small terrace of my room.
With each chord, I try to feel better about my frustrated escape attempt. But it doesn´t make me fell any better.
Enid: How the hell did you get this big violin out the window? - she asks getting out to the terrace and looking at the musical instrument in my arms.
Wednesday: They have lent me a hand.- I answer unimportantly, referring to Thing.
Enid: Ok, and the rest of the body? - she asks with some fear, or maybe disgust.
Wednesday: It's one of the great secrets of the Addams family. - I answer leaving the bow on the sheet music stand.
Thing decides to enter the room, leaving me with my roommate in silence. Or at least until some howls can be heard breaking the silence of the night.
It is then that I realize what lunar phase we are in and a doubt arises in my head.
Wednesday: Why don't you howl? - I ask confused by her presence on the terrace and not in the forest with the rest of the wolves.
Enid: Because I can't.- She responds with a mixture of shame and perhaps sadness, and shows me her colored nails. -I only have this.- she refers to her claws moving away to the ledge. -My mother says that some people find it more difficult, but I have gone to the best lycanthrologists.- she tells me while I carefully put the cello on the ground. -I had to go to Milwaukee, can you believe it?- she asks ironically as I get up from the chair. -And he told me that there is a possibility that never... you know.- she explains without giving many details at the end.
Wednesday: And what will happen to you then?- I ask curious, walking towards her with crossed arms and placing myself at a safe distance from her on the ledge.
Enid: I'll be a lone wolf.- she answers, looking into the distance sadly.
Wednesday: That sounds very good.- I admit, imagining a world in which they would leave me alone on my own.
The Paradise.
Enid: Are you kidding?- she asks in an offended way. -My life would end completely, they would kick me out of the family pack with no prospect of finding a partner.- she explains as if it were the worst thing that could happen to her.
Wednesday: I still don't see the problem.- I comment sincerely, not seeing a problem in her situation.
Enid: I could die alone.- she exclaims in defense as if it were a weighty argument.
Wednesday: We all die alone, Enid.- I remind her sincerely.
Enid: No doubt you're terrible at it.- she says with a certain wet shine in her eyes and I look at her confused. -Cheering up people.- she clarifies and bows her head starting to cry.
Wednesday: Why are you crying ? - I ask confused in a monotonous way.
Enid: Because I'm sad.- she answered me obviously. -Have you never cried or has nothing affected you?- she asks with some curiosity.
Wednesday: It was the week after Halloween , I was 6 years old.- I start my story looking at the darkness of the sky slightly illuminated by the full moon. -I took Nero, my favorite scorpion for a walk in the afternoon and they ambushed us.- I tell her, recalling that fateful day. -They wondered what kind of geek would have a scorpion as a pet. Two of them held me down and forced me to watch. While the others ran over Nero, until...- I left the sentence in the air. -It was snowing when I buried what was left of it. I cried until I emptied what was left in my little black heart, but tears don't fix anything. So I swore never to cry again.- I finish telling my story.
Enid: Your secret is safe with me.- she whispers causing me to look at her for a few seconds. -But I still think you're very weird.- she says honestly.
Wednesday: The feelings are incredibly mutual.- I admit in the same way, before hearing a grunt and turning my face to the side.
At first I see nothing, until a black leg appears from the darkness of one of the corners and I become alert.
I see how from among the shadows of the terrace, a wolf as black as night and with blue-green eyes lets himself be seen.
Enid: What are you doing here? - I hear her question, causing me to look at her confused and realize that the question is addressed to the ferocious animal on the terrace.
The wolf just growls in response and takes a couple of steps towards us, causing me to take one back. I carefully observe the beast before my eyes, thinking about how to attack it and not get hurt in the attempt.
Enid: You shouldn't be here.- she tells him taking a couple of steps towards the beast and I open my eyes surprised at her stupidity. -You know there can't be boys in our rooms and last time Professor Thornhill almost caught you.- she reminds him a little angrily.
Wednesday: What are you doing? - I ask with some aggressiveness. -Do you want this beast to kill us?- I point to the animal, which as soon as it hears me growls at me and shows its teeth as a sign of threat.
Enid: To begin with; he's not a beast, he's my brother.- she denies reaching the wolf and caressing it between the ears. - And he usually comes to my room on full moon nights to comfort me.- she shrugged and I recover my impeccable posture.
Wednesday: Curious way of consolation.- I comment, tilting my head to one side and taking a better look at the wolf.
I detail the velvety appearance of its dark fur, the way in which its legs support its body and presence with grace and strength. I observe the pointed shape of his ears and the light color of his eyes fixed on me .
Enid: Do you want to touch it?– She asks and stop looking at the wolf to look at her. -He seems dangerous, but he really is like a puppy with a lack of affection.- she comments with a smile that's too big for my liking, hugging the wolf by the neck and earning a small growl from him.
Wednesday: I prefer to avoid touching the fur of that animal.- I say looking at the black hair. -I don't know where he's been and I don't trust an unknown animal.- I explain and I can see the confusion in my roommate's eyes.
Enid: But it's not just any animal, it's my brother.- she comments confused by my denial.
Wednesday: It's still someone unknown to me .- I remind her and by the time I realize it, my hand is on the animal's head.
Enid: You see how nothing happens.- she assures me with a huge smile, moving my hand over the surprisingly soft fur.
Wednesday: It's surprisingly soft.- I admit, feeling the strands of hair between my fingers.
Enid: I know, every night of the full moon Y/n comes to my room and consoles me for not having transformed yet.- she tells me. -And I usually comb his hair to calm me down.- she explains and I look between the animal and my roommate.
Wednesday: Anyway, it's late and the best thing will be to sleep.- I comment, stopping stroking the wolf and taking a step back to separate myself from him .
Enid: Sounds good to me.- she nods and without waiting for it, the wolf enters the room quickly, surprising me.
Wednesday: Where is he going ?- I ask confused, seeing how she also enters the room and I go behind her.
Enid: He usually sleeps with me.- she answers and I see the wolf already lying on her sister's bed. -I hope you don't mind, but it's warmer and more cuddly than a stuffed animal.- she makes a face, approaching her bed.
Wednesday: As long as he doesn't make any kind of noise I have nothing against it.- I comment looking at the wolf. -But if he makes any noise, he howles or he approaches my part of the room, I will make a coat with his fur.- I threaten seriously and I receive a growl from the wolf.
Enid: It won't be necessary to get to it.- she quickly denies with a scared face.
Wednesday: Perfect.- I nod walking towards my closet.
I quickly put on my night clothes and go out of the closet towards my bed. I turn off the light on my side and get into bed immediately.
I settle back into my usual sleeping position, placing my arms crossed over my chest and take a deep breath.
Enid: Good night, Wednesday .- I hear how she murmurs turning off the light on his side. -Good night Y/n.- she says in barely a whisper and I hear a faint, soft growl in response.
Wednesday: Good night, Enid and Y/n.- I say and receive a growl and a yawn in response.
I close my eyes, trying to fall asleep so I can put this fateful day behind me. But it seems that Morpheus avoids me and doesn't want to welcome me into his world.
I wait with my eyes closed and without moving an inch for sleep to overcome me, but I don't get it.
I toss and turn a bit, trying to steady my position in bed and trying to figure out why I can't sleep. Although I quickly realize that the posture is not the problem.
Maybe the problem is the constant reminder of my failure. Perhaps my failure to escape Nevermore has been deeper and more humiliating than I initially expected.
I come out of my thoughts, when I feel a warm and humid breath near my ear.
I quickly open my eyes and turn my face to the right, finding myself with clear eyes and a bundle full of hair.
Wednesday: I told you not to go to my side.- I growled, annoyed by the presence of the animal on my side of the room.
The wolf just lets out a soft growl, nuzzling his snout into my side and shoving me aside.
I look at him annoyed by his audacity to touch me and cross my side, but also confused by what he is trying to tell me. But my eyes widen even more , when he places one of his paws on my bed and pushes my body to the side with more force.
From one moment to the next, I find myself lying on one side of my bed and with a wolf on the other side of it nestling its head on my stomach.
I am completely confused by the position and presence of the wolf in my bed.
But I don't give it much thought, when I feel the body heat of the wolf wrap my body and the heaviness of my eyes becomes present.
All thought disappears from my consciousness and I am no longer aware of anything else . Morpheus has finally welcomed me with open arms and the reason why is unknown for now.
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jojotichakorn · 1 year
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khabkhluen from 'star in my mind' - your next autistic fave
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so, the mlm drama 'star in my mind' that came out in 2022 didn't gain much popularity (and when i post my review on it in a couple of days, you might understand why) but with the release of adjacent our skyy 2 episodes, the polls that make us decide upon which bl character has the most autistic swag over at @bl-bracket and due to the fact that i keep insisting on khluen being my favorite character specifically because i relate to him on a big level as an autistic person, there is no better time than right now to discuss this.
without further ado and in no particular order, here is a list of things that have explicitly happened in the drama 'star in my mind' that made me consider khluen being autistic canon:
♾ khluen is very particular about things
when one of the characters describes khluen's routine in high school, it has huge "we are introducing an autistic character" vibes, because he says khluen comes to school every day at the exact same time and his breakfast consists of the same sandwich and the same juice every single morning. by the way, two years later, he still only drinks that juice (at least as far as we see during the events of the drama). when khluen moves into the dorm and needs to unpack, he opens the closet and starts to place hangers in exactly the same distance away from each other (which also prompts one of his roommates to joke if he "needs a ruler for that"). according to his own words, khluen also doesn't like mess and needs things to be exactly where he puts them. he also pays attention to the smallest of details and sort of absent-mindedly expects that everyone else notices those tiny things as well. he also says that he never changes himself and doesn't like to readjust and have a lot of change in his life in general.
♾ khluen takes everything others say very literally and expresses himself literally as well
any questions khluen is asked, he does not even imagine reading into them and thinking they might be implying something other than what is being explicitly stated. at one point, khluen's partner actually says that khluen is "interpreting [something] wrong", which seems like a pattern for him. whenever he responds to questions or simply says something on his own, he expresses himself very literally and says exactly what he means as well.
there is one important-to-the-plot conversation that happens in the middle of the series and that hurts my brain and khluen's brain simultaneously and that is very relevant to this section. in essence, khluen's conversation partner does not say a single thing directly and relies fully on implications that allistics would typically recognize and understand. during that conversation, khluen is visibly confused - he tries very hard to understand what the other person is trying to say but he is failing. this alsoleads to him coming to the wrong conclusions because he is simultaneously forced to make assumptions in order to comprehend anything that is being said but is given absolutely no direct information to work with. along with this, he continues to answer questions very directly (e.g. when his interlocutor vaguely asks if he has rejected someone who has confessed to him in the past, implying his own confession, khluen misses that implication entirely and instead just honestly says "yes", as he has previously rejected someone else).
by the way, upon reflecting on the time he actually rejected someone, khluen says "i said it directly, i didn't hesitate, i didn't spare her feelings", which is not only a reflection of shitty things that other people say about him rubbing off on him (which i will talk about later) but also simply of him being self-aware as to how literal he is.
♾ khluen only speaks when he wants to and when he finds it necessary
this manifests in many different ways. first of all, he is almost entirely silent while his crush is confessing his feelings to him, and on many other occasions when he is in the middle of some emotionally taxing conversations, he speaks in incredibly short sentences, often uttering no more than three words, while the other person has already uttered a hundred. second of all, when he is asked questions that would prompt allistics to expand on the subject under discussion, he answers very directly and therefore with few words, never offering any extra information that he isn't explicitly asked for (e.g. "do you have any talents?" - "i have some"). third of all, if someone asks khluen a question he doesn't want to answer, he simply says nothing: he offers no explanation for why he doesn't want to respond, doesn't even say "i don't want to talk about it". he very literally remains silent.
♾ khluen either explains nothing at all or overexplains himself
in connection with not saying much and often preferring to stay silent, khluen is - most of the time - annoyed that people demand an explanation for everything he says, does, wants, etc. however, whenever khluen is having an important conversation with someone, he provides excessive and most of the time unnecessary clarifications (e.g. he explains that his crush had no personal impact on him breaking up with his girlfriend, because though he did it because he realized he fell in love with his crush, the crush actually had no direct hand in it - now, this is obvious, because he and his crush have literally never spoken at that point, and there was just no way in which he could have affected khluen's relationship directly and intentionally).
♾ khluen is not familiar with unspoken social rules and can't read social cues
this manifests in about a thousand different ways.
khluen isn't entirely sure how to interact with people he knows indirectly (he picks up his crush after class and his friends, who khluen kind of knows through that crush, are there but khluen has no idea how he is meant to interact with them, so he just ends up slightly awkwardly ignoring them while talking to the crush). in connection with him having a hard time identifying different levels of relationships and behavior that typically corresponds to them, there is a scene where he tries (and fails) to explain the very platonic nature of the relationship between him and one of his friends (which is later consicely and extremely accurately described by said friend as simply a sibling-like relationship).
whenever he is asked some sort of personal information, he is genuinely baffled as to why he should reveal anything to people he doesn't know that well. khluen also asks very direct questions that are sometimes considered impolite or simply wouldn't typically be asked in the given context by someone who understands social rules better. while playing a game with his friends, where they have to reveal the first impressions of each other, khluen does not sugarcoat his initially negative impression of his friend. khluen also gets into an argument with one character because of a secret he had to keep (that wasn't his) only to find out later that he was apparently stupid for not realizing he could reveal that secret to that specific person in that specific situation despite promising to never tell anyone because there are exceptions to everything in this world and khluen just doesn't understand them. one character very explicitly tells khluen that "he seems to be the only one who can't tell how [his crush] feels about him", because others are able to deduce it through his body language and other implications, which are clearly foreign to khluen. this is also why he says that he always feels like he is "one step behind" in his relationships.
in connection with this, khluen also relies on other people to read the social situations that he is in. he literally asks his crush in the middle of a very serious conversation if he can call his best friend to consult him so he could make sure he doesn't say anything wrong during the very important conversation (which does not seem like a joke on his part, it seems like something he's genuinely done before). in general, whenever someone reveals some sort of information to khluen that he knows he is unlikely to understand himself (e.g. someone liking or disliking another person), he accepts it as truth right away because he feels like there is no way for him personally to deduce that kind of thing.
♾ khluen does not really show his emotions through facial expressions during particularly heartbreaking moments
so, first of all, as not just a khluen fan but also as a fan of the actor who plays him, archen, i can confirm that this is indeed not chen's typical acting style. in fact, we can see him being very expressive even as khluen in this drama - just not in particularly heavy moments. the way khluen's face is entirely blank while his very serious crush confesses that he likes him back in high school and the way he once again isn't showing any feelings with his face while finally having a real, honest conversation with the guy he's been in love with for years are the biggest examples of this.
♾ khluen does not know how to express his feelings in a way that other people want while being very honest and direct about them
he is self-admittedly "bad at talking and expressing himself" (to allistics, i'd like to add, because i understand him quite easily). when he is asked how he felt when he fell in love, he very seriously answers "i felt love, what else was i supposed to feel?" because there is a bit of a disconnect between what he's actually feeling and how to put it into more words - he directly states that he is in love and isn't sure what else he could say otherwise. in connection with expressing feelings (in a way that allistics do) being something that is difficult and overwhelming to khluen, he also says that he is "stupid when it comes to love" (and unfortunately "hates himself for it", which fuck the world for making the boy feel like the way he expresses himself is wrong).
♾ khluen is afraid of hurting other people because he does not fully understand their boundaries and implications
khluen is very acute to any discomfort or annoyance that he might cause to the point of being anxious about making someone uncomfortable at the smallest sign of it (e.g. one of the characters mentions he is bothered by strangers shipping khluen and him, and khluen is afraid it could somehow be his fault). when his friend (jokingly, according to her) tells him that "he shouldn't be with anyone [romantically]" precisely because of his misunderstanding of other people's signs, he takes it to heart, echoing the sentiment as potentially true multiple times throughout the series. there are several moments in the drama when he cries at the thought of having hurt someone else emotionally because that was not his intention at all, and there is even one time when a character calls him out on the "emotional damage that he has caused", to which khluen desperately responds that "he means well", while not really understanding what he has done wrong in the first place. khluen also apologizes all the time, many times, for anything and everything he can, almost always feeling like he's not quite doing or saying the right thing.
♾ there are certain things that other characters say about khluen which give us an idea of how he is perceived by society in general and those he is close to
people mention on multiple occasions that he seems proud and cold. one character says that he feels like khluen is "judging him with his eyes", while khluen is very confused at the comment, as he is just standing there, looking at the character normally. the same character says khluen is "tight-lipped and likes to make stoic faces". one of khluen's friends says that "people are afraid to approach him". she also says that he is "book-smart but otherwise a dumbass", with the latter part referring to the way in which he doesn't understand other people's signs well and also doesn't express himself in a way that most people (read: allistics) understand.
however, there are two characters who percieve khluen very differently from the rest, and i think this contrast is incredibly important for the bigger picture. the first one is khluen's mother, who is a lovely woman and a great parent. though she does not directly state anything antonymous to what i've described in the previous paragraph, she does understand khluen's signals very well and also clearly perceives him as the opposite of what the majority of characters describe him as. another one is khluen's best friend who he has known for years, noel, who once again does not directly wax poetic about khluen, but who supports him in a genuinely helpful and understanding way (e.g. he suggests khluen should go to the bar where his crush is, but when they actually go there and noel notices the first signs of discomfort, he explicitly apologizes for taking him there and asks if they should leave). needless to say, neither of the characters ever expresses any opinion that is even remotely close to what is described in the first paragraph of this section.
♾ other facts about khluen include...
... him often being unintentionally funny by just saying what he means; his best friend pointing out that he overthinks all his social interactions; him being praised for his acting skills (which duh - so much practice with masking); sunflowers likely being his special interest; and (though this is debatable as the camera angles don't allow to say this for sure) he seems to rock back and forth to calm himself down in stressful situations.
closing statement
i believe i have provided all the information i could on why i not only personally headcanon khluen as autistic, but genuinely consider it canon, despite simultaneously being sure that this was not deliberate on the part of the writers (and unfortunately we often get the best, most authentic representation when allistic writers don't realize that the label "autism" is attached to it). that being said, i would pay anything to interview the writers on their process of creating the character and also see how the director dealt with chen on set, because khluen is seemingly unintentionally one of the most relatable autistic characters i've ever seen on screen.
as promised, @sparklyeyedhimbo
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ofinkandpaper · 1 year
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A Changed World
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Yandere!Villian!MHA x Reader
Hello! Finally, after nearly an entire year, I have finally finished chapter two with the gracious help and beta reading of @cupidcreates ❤️ So many things have been going on in my personal life and I really appreciate y'all's patience with this. Also, to clarify why I tag certain characters though they don't appear in a this chapter: they are referenced and are an important character to the story as a whole, so it makes it easier for me to keep track of what tags I should put on each chapter when they're all the same.
Note: The characters are aged up. As the story progresses, I will tag each chapter with respective trigger and content warnings, which may include mentions of murder, assault, cannibalism, stalking, torture, arson, terrorism, and other felonies, Yandere themes, Sexual assault, Mental illness, abuse. I do not own MHA nor do these personalities represent the writers, characters or VAs of the show. This is strictly fiction and for entertainment purposes only.
**Trigger Warnings: Implied Stalking/Being Watched
Word Count: 3,566
Taglist: @lolawassad @letskidaddle @youngbeansprout @bakuhoes-dumbass @cupidcreates
"Okay, so here's what I'm thinking." You glanced up from your computer for a moment, pausing in writing the few reports Tamaki had asked you for to give Kendo the small amount of attention you knew would be needed for her to continue talking.
Her casual drone, when comfortable, made for nice background noise and gave you a sense of peace.
"You could always move in with me! Sure, you may have to deal with Monoma every once in a while, but he's mellowed out a bit since we graduated so he isn't as much of a nuisance as he used to be." The thought made you scoff, but gave you a tiny bit of hope for the blonde man. Even with as much hate as he spewed at your fellow classmates, you had a small soft spot for him. As far as you could recall, you were one of the few that he had actually confided in when it came to his quirk insecurity - whether a copying quirk was a good fit for hero work or not, and not having much support about it in his childhood. Sometimes it made you wonder, a little dejectedly, if he had been making a jab at your own quirk. Sure it wasn't anything fancy like Hawks' was, but you liked it well enough.
"You of all people know I don't actually mind being around him, Itsuka." You huffed a laugh and went back to typing, "Besides, I can tell you right now I'm not a good roommate. Partially due to my quirk and partially due to how much I enjoy being alone sometimes."
"Oh please, if I could handle you in the UA dorms, I can handle you in a regular living situation." You could almost feel the force of her eye roll as you hear her flop back onto your bed. You glance at the clock to check the time before continuing to type, making a silent promise to finish this one report and send what you have done while promising Tamaki you would finish the rest tomorrow.
You wanted at least a few hours with your friend while she was here, you know?
"Honestly, I think you only managed that because of Monoma and Tetsutetsu." You smirk and glance her way again. Again, she scoffed and waved a hand dismissively as she turned her attention to her phone. Once more, back to the paperwork grind, you pushed through the last few sentences before sending them off to their respective destinations.
"Oh. There was one other thing I wanted to ask about." You swivel to face Kendo, frowning as she sat up and gave you the most serious look you've seen on her the entire day.
"What's up?"
"Are you really okay living here? With all the gang activity?"
The sudden weight of her questions caused a slight tension to rise over your body and your expression to fall a touch. You turned away from her as you thought of an answer, staring blankly at your keyboard. You could hear her shifting - uncomfortably, you assumed - as she tried to wait patiently for your response.
It was hard to think of an answer that didn't sound like there was some lie to it. Sure, you were used to the gangs, and appreciated that they didn't make your life as much of hell as they probably could… but that didn't mean you were entirely comfortable with them getting away with strong arming innocent civilians just because they knew the local heroes weren't supported enough to be able to stand up confidently and fully against them.
In all honesty, you had half a mind sometimes to leave Tamaki's agency and join the local one to add some backbone to the force.
"It's alright… it's not exactly what I would really want, but it's what I can afford at the moment.” You pause and give a shrug, “And the gangs haven’t been too bad recently. Just wish the hero agency in this area had a bit more support so they could actually do something about it all.”
Kendo was quiet as she took in your words, and with your attention away from her, her expression neutralized. It would have been easy for you to see the thoughts that swirled behind her eyes; thinking of how she could help and who she could talk to about either easing the situation in your neighborhood or getting you to move elsewhere. Having known you since your schooling days, she knew you were a stubborn one - she could almost put you on par with Midorya and Bakugo, if she were being completely honest.
Maybe a talk with Nejire was in order.
She forced a smile on her lips as she stood and went over, humming as she placed a hand on your shoulder. You looked up at her, finding a soft smile coming easy to you in response to her own.
“Well, while you figure out what you want to really do - don’t lie to me, I can tell you’re thinking about it - remember you have a plethora of people who have your back if you ever wanna move out.”
You sigh and nod, softly mentioning Tamaki’s offer to help you move closer to his agency. There was a sudden, but subtle, stiffness in her hand, though before you could really question it, she relaxed and moved away towards the bedroom door.
“Why haven’t you taken him up on it yet? Oh, and did you want any tea?” She pauses at the door, waiting for your answer. You hum and nod, standing to follow her to the kitchen. This small moment made you glad she still felt comfortable enough with you to know she could make use of your home-space as if it were her own.
“I don’t know… if I’m being honest, I just really don’t want to feel like I’m taking advantage of his kindness. Like, getting me an entire house? That’s a lot - way too much! I could never just casually go ‘oh sure, thanks boss!’ to something like that.” You hoisted yourself up onto the counter, swinging your legs a little as you watch Kendo shuffling around getting the kettle and mugs set up. She raised a brow and glanced your way for a moment as she turned the oven on to start boiling the water.
“A house? I thought his offer was for an apartment.” You make an elongated noise, accompanied by the shrug of your shoulders and one of your hands swaying side to side in a ‘maybe’ gesture.
“House, apartment… he’s offered a few different options, including moving in with him,” Again you shrug, “But, again, it's nothing that I can easily accept from him. Not only do I not wanna  seem like a burden that needs to be protected, but I also don’t want to step on his toes and feel like I’m taking advantage of his kindness.”
She seemed to fall quiet in her thoughts as she watched the kettle, waiting for the whistle to signal that the water was ready. You let yourself relax a little further and rest your head against the edge of the cabinets while surveying the rest of the kitchen casually. Would it really be so bad if you decided to take one of them up on their offer to move in? Well, Tamaki did offer first - but Kendo was, as you felt, a closer friend. Glancing up at the ceiling, you contemplated if there had been anyone else that you could recall offering you a place to stay that wasn’t infested with more gang activity than a single hero could handle; you pull a blank as the kettle begins to whistle. Kendo picks it up and softly asks you to hold the tea bag strings in place as she pours. You were glad to do it; it gave your mind something else to focus on, and your hands something to do.
“I don’t think he would ever consider it as being taken advantage of. He is the one that offered in the first place.” She smiled and set the kettle on a cool stove burner before picking up and handing you one of the mugs. You gave her a soft thanks, accompanied by a roll of your eyes.
“That is true, but he is still my boss. If it isn’t the thought of taking advantage of his kindness, then I could only imagine what the more immature members of the agency would think if they caught wind.” That got a responsive giggle as the red haired girl shook her head almost wildly; you were pretty sure that if she hadn’t had that cup of tea in her hands, pressed against her chest, she would be waving her hands all over the place.
“I don’t even want to think about that! I’ve seen some of the members of your agency - I’m honestly surprised Suneater hasn’t said anything to them about their behaviour yet.” For some reason, her calling Tamaki by his hero name gave you pause to ponder slightly - had you been the only one to call him by his name this entire time? And why did it feel weird to hear him being referred to as anything beyond his name? You shake the thoughts before you could dive too far down that specific rabbit hole.
“I’m not sure, but I do recall him talking to a few at one point. Must’ve been really bad considering how they ended up acting like absolutely perfect angels after their private conversation with him.” You sipped your tea and let your mind wander again for a moment. What had those few done that caused Tamaki to actually reprimand them like he had, and not any of the other kinds of offenders? Kendo shrugged and took a sip of her own tea. However, before she could speak, her phone began to ring from the bedroom. Excusing herself, she set down her mug and darted off to answer it - you hoped you hadn’t kept her for too long. She hadn’t even mentioned if she was on call for hero work today or not before coming over to hang out.
You continued to nurse your tea, carefully leaping down from the counter so as not to knock her mug over in the process or spill any of yours.  You meander  into the living room and ponder if you wanted to either watch TV or grab a book to read. Or, as the thought came, you could go grab your own phone and either mindlessly scroll through social media or read fanfiction of your favorite shows and movies. You had a bit of a guilty pleasure when it came to reader inserts - though you weren’t sure why you called it guilty when it was a perfectly acceptable form of written media for your consumption!
You turned towards the bedroom as Kendo came back out, a pout on her lips as she went to her mug to take a few more quick sips before dumping the rest. Your brows furrowed in silent question when she finally turned towards you.
“Got called in to help with a few rougher captures.” She sighed and shook her head, “Guess the newbies weren’t as well trained in the area as we thought they were.”
“That’s understandable, was anyone hurt?”
“No casualties yet, but if you want I can keep you up to date on the progress?” You nod and she smiled, returning it before striding over to grab her bag. Instead of her usual hug and verbal goodbyes, she gave you a quiet wave as she slipped out the door. You sigh and glance around the room again before sitting down and flicking the TV on to see if there was anything good on at the moment, or if you were going to have to switch over to one of your streaming services.
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The moment the door shut behind her, Kendo sighed and pulled her phone out to redial Nejire-Chan.
Hello~?
“Just left their apartment, everything seems to be fine.” She spoke softly as she moved away from the door, keeping her head down as an unexpectedly deep frown found a home on her lips. She heard Nejire hum from the other end for a moment or two before she spoke again.
I’m glad to hear it! Gotta make sure Suneater’s little star stays safe… though, you seem to be troubled by something? The question almost caused Kendo to laugh, even over the phone no one could keep even a single thought from the woman’s notice.
“Did you know he had offered them to move in with him?” There was a pause on the other end before a playful groan.
Seriously? Talk about a bold move - never would’ve expected something like that from him! There was a giggle But, at the same time, too forward of a question when he doesn’t even know if they like him back or not.
“Well, from the sounds of it, they were really giving it some thought after I offered to let them move in with me.” There was another giggle and the clicking of the lavender headed hero’s tongue.
Now, don’t go around making promises you can’t keep. You have orders to keep an eye on them, not make moves! This got a full laugh instead of the usual giggles as Kendo’s cheeks burned from a flustered embarrassment. She hadn’t thought about it like that when she first offered, but there was a flutter in her chest at the thought of the domestic kind of life she could have with one of her best friends. Did she have a crush on them? She wasn’t sure, and didn’t even know where to begin trying to figure that out. Instead, she cleared her throat and decided to pull the topic in a different direction.
“Have you heard word from Monoma yet about..?”
Not yet, but I’m sure it won’t take long for LeMillion and Deku to show back up on the radar. I’m still curious as to what they were needed for over in America. Kendo could practically hear the pout through the phone call, which brought the smile back to her lips and pulled her mind from her previous thoughts.
She looked around her before walking up to the bus stop and sitting down, wrapping her arms around her bag to keep it close to her chest while she swung her legs. She got an odd fulfilled sensation whenever her feet would scrape against the concrete beneath her.
“I’m sure they’ll tell us all about it when they come home - if it wasn’t too confidential at least.” Nejire-Chan hummed in agreement. As she heard the other hero take a breath to begin speaking again, there was a soft voice on the other end catching her attention. Nejire pardoned herself for a moment and lowered the phone just enough to muffle the conversation, though Kendo could still hear it relatively well. Just as she’d been told before, it was about those villains she had to help get put into the system.
At least she hadn’t needed to tell them a lie when she had to leave, now that she thought about it.
Hey, I need to talk to you later. Let me know when you make it in! As she was hanging up, Nejire’s voice could be heard instructing the sidekick on what they should do in regards to whatever the question was they had asked.
Pulling the phone fully from her ear, she glanced around the bus stop and down both ways of the street for any sign of the bus before looking back down at her phone to scroll through her camera roll on a whim, also because she figured it was better than pulling a book up and getting sucked into the story while she was supposed to be at least somewhat focused on watching for when the bus came.
It felt like so long since any of them were in UA, and she was glad she was able to get so many memories saved into her phone during their time… it also felt a little weird that, now that she was thinking about it, that she managed to still have the same phone that she had all through school. Just that responsible with it, she supposed.
Scrolling through, there were plenty of pictures of Class B - a decent chunk  of which were just evidence  of times when Tetsutetsu and Monoma would steal her phone for impromptu photo sessions with the rest of the class. The memories made her eyes roll with a fond smile on her lips; she hadn’t heard much from Tetsu in a while, but that was to be expected when he was constantly on the job with Kirishima. Meanwhile, it was nearly impossible for her to get away from…
She blinked in surprise, opening one photo she had no recollection of finding before now. It was a selfie of Monoma and Tetsu on either side of… them. All three of them were smiling wide, as though laughing about something, and Monoma actually, genuinely, looked happier than she had ever really seen him before. Her smile came back, fonder than before, and her cheeks flushed a soft pink. For all the trouble he caused them, she really couldn’t imagine not having him as a friend. Any of them, really. She cleared her throat and put her phone down to keep herself from going emotionally overboard from the nostalgia, and just in time for the bus to arrive as well.
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The rush of the air outside the airplane cabin was calming, though his leg continued to jitter as he watched the clouds pass by. He was eager to get home and sleep in his own bed, patrol his own streets… see his friends. Needless to say, he was homesick, but he was on the track back home so it wasn’t too bad anymore. It had been months since they were last in Japan, and as much as he loved being over in America to learn and do some network connecting, he was more than ready to be back. Not to mention he was ready to have authentic Japanese  food again from his favorite restaurants . Maybe he could drop by his mom’s place and get something homemade…
“You’re looking a lot better there, Deku!” The green haired man blinked and looked up at his traveling companion, his smile brighter than the sun - as per usual. Deku returned the smile, though a softer version, and nodded.
“I’m excited to be back home. I wonder how everyone’s doing.” He turned back to the window as Mirio sat across from him and looked out his own window. One of the perks of being a top five pro hero: getting to take a private plane instead of flying commercial - not that there was anything wrong with it! He just… wasn’t comfortable with tight spaces with very little options for maneuverability.
“I’m sure they’re doing just fine, though I’m also sure you knew that.” Mirio chuckled and turned his attention to Deku, “Especially with how you’ve been constantly exchanging emails with almost everyone during our time abroad.” Deku laughed and rubbed the back of his head. It was hard not to constantly be checking for new messages during their away time. Was that clingy of him? He didn’t really think so, and he was pretty sure someone would’ve told him to chill out with the instant replies. Even Bakugo hadn’t told him off about how quick he was to respond, which was a little bit of a surprise.
“Fair. How has Suneater and Nejire-Chan been, by the way? I know you’ve been keeping up with them.” Deku turned from the window and looked at Mirio, who he was surprised to see had a conspiratorial  smile and was raising his eyebrows up and down.
“Nejire told me Tamaki has a crush on one of his sidekicks!” The blonde was moving to pull out his phone to flip through his messages while Deku tried to pick up his jaw from the floor.
“That’s great! Who is it?” Mirio held his phone out to him. On the screen was a picture of Tamaki and a hero dressed in a black and white suit with white owl wings.
“She hasn’t given me their name yet, wanting me to introduce myself to them in person first so I don’t spook them or let on that they were talked about behind their back. Not that talking about a friend’s crush is all that unusual.” Mirio chuckled and shrugged as Deku handed back the phone. He smiled and nodded.
“It would probably be odd if you called them out by name without them having met you before.”
The two continued to talk, from the mystery hero to how the agencies were doing and the crime rates that they’ve been hearing about. Not to mention going over profits from their side hustle and how things were going on that front… though, it was a little hard to focus on the rest of it when the hero Tamiki was pictured with kept slipping into his thoughts.
He would probably have to go with Mirio to greet them when they landed…
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foolishlovers · 2 months
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for the sleepover weekend can you recommend some wips? i’ve read wild hearts, now i need more 😋
thank youu for reading wild hearts 💜
here are some of my favourite good omens wips right now:
Beneath The Newborn Stars, And Long After by WaitingToBeBroken (E, 2k, 1/4) Aziraphale and Crowley loved each other long before the Beginning. Unsurprisingly, Crowley's Fall changes nothing about that. Or the 5 times over their 6000 years of shared history they got married.
Under Canvas by TawnyOwl95 (E, 5k, 2/6) Aziraphale is busy trying to keep Professor Gabriel Messenger's excavation running and think up a topic for his thesis proposal. The last thing he needs is a roguish experimental archaeologist in a kilt distracting him.
Vignettes of a Life Together by Busy24_7 (E, 8k, 5/7) Crowley, botany student and professional worrier, is harboring a massive, secret crush on his new roommate. Aziraphale, on the other hand, is more clueless than he is given credit for. Will these two ever figure it out, or is Crowley doomed to a life of pining? A 5+1-style fic with a whole lot of fluff and intentionally minimal angst. Rated M for the first few chapters, but will be upgraded to E if Crowley ever gets his way…
Poetry carved in flesh by fellandcrow (M, 16k, 3/16) Aziraphale, as far as he can remember, has always loved tattoos, even if he swore to himself from early on that he would never get any of his own. But, one day, he stumbles upon Crowley's Instagram account and his whole world is turned upside down. Two and a half months, that's all it took for Crowley to carve himself a place in Aziraphale's existence and become an important fixture in his life. Two and a half months, and they haven't even met yet.
Between a Book and a Hard Place by LCwrites (E, 18k, 4/6) After a very enjoyable one-night stand, A. Z. Fell and A. J. Crowley go separate ways, though memories of each other linger. More than they ought to, considering it was nothing but a casual encounter and they won't meet again. How fortunate for them, that their respective work is keeping them busy. Having one of his more salacious novels turned into an audio book should be enough of a distraction for Aziraphale. As should be getting to narrate one of the famous M. Cortese's porn books – pardon: historical erotica – for Crowley.
tell me you hate me by guacgirl691 (E, 28k, 9/?) Aziraphale has never hated anyone, not like this. After a disastrous day at Eden Street Cafe, Aziraphale is left with no choice but to accept some much-needed help in the kitchen. When the new hire turns out to be the most arrogant man he has ever met, the two have to learn to work together for the sake of the cafe. They also discover what people mean when they say "opposites attract".
send me some sleepover weekend asks
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I know weddings are about the people getting married and not about the guests, but it really sucks to have a wedding in your mid-thirties because soo many people can’t come because they’re having babies. And I love these people so much and am so excited to meet their kids (I’m knitting four baby blankets at once right now), but it’s really sad to think they won’t be at the one big gathering I expect to have of all the most important people in my life. And it’s stupid that that sort of gathering really only happens when you get married, but when you have loved ones all over the continent it just DOES only happen when you get married, so I’m going to feel sad these people aren’t there. People who can’t come include my college and law school roommates - these people are like family to me you know? Closer than some of my actual family!
And as a woman marrying a man, it’s likely not surprising that it’s mostly *my* friends who can’t come. And I don’t have that many friends to begin with so idk, it feels sad. My family is also much smaller so just generally this wedding is going to be fewer people from my closest community than his, and that’s okay because I love his family and friends so much, but it just…is sad.
My partner is also planning a bachelor party but I’m not going to plan a similar event because literally half the people are third trimester pregnant or would have JUST had a baby and wouldn’t be able to come. And it’s not about wanting an event that’s all about me, it’s about wanting to see all these people I love at once and being sad that I don’t get that because we are doing things slightly out of the timeline when you’re “supposed” to (but not enough out of the timeline that people’s kids are older and they could travel?). It feels really personal - not like my friends don’t care about me personal, but like society is telling me I don’t matter as much if I want to do things differently personal. Maybe that’s also a selfish attitude idk.
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cupoftaae · 1 year
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Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ college spirit (chapter 7)
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Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.
Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.
Pairing: taehyung x female!reader
rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)
word count- 5k
Chapter warnings- okay so this is probably the chapter with the most warnings, there is a lot of alchohol, lots of swearing, theres themes of relationship abuse, physical abuse, manipulation, blood mention, we see jungkook btw (bc its party time) Taehyungs heart is in the right place but he does something bad. Kaito is a dickhead say it with me. dont read if youre sensitive to domestic abuse themes, this one was rough yall. also apologies for spelling errors.
A/N- So this is the chapter I would label as story changing, everything kind of takes a giant move in an opposite direction from here on out, Its crazy but hope you enjoy!!
-
Growing up, you thought that life would just magically align the moment you hit your 20's, you would be married with 2 kids living somewhere that provided everything you needed, and anything you wanted. You can laugh at yourself now for thinking, or even considering, that your early 20's would be any different from your teen years.
Because, with that said, here you were laying in bed with Taehyung as he slept, while your boyfriend was out doing God knows what. Granted, he isnt the best boy to use as an example, but just a few hours ago you almost kissed your best friend. You are a lot of things, but despite the shitty situation, you are not a cheater.
You could have yelled at him, you could have made a big deal about what happened outside, but you didnt.
You told yourself that this was taehyungs night to shine, so you dropped it and did what you both always do, forget it even happened. He is stubborn though, and snuck into your bed right before you fell asleep.
Its not unusual for you both to sleep near one another, but you would think he would get the hint that things needed to simmer down for a few.....guess not.
"youre awake?"
you turned your head to the raspy voice beside you, rubbing your eyes as you hummed. "yeah"
He smiled and stretched, burying his face into the pillow before reluctantly sitting up against the headboard.
"You sleep okay?" you ask
"yeah" tae chuckled, "Sort of have a headache..."
"ah" you reached into your nightstand and grabbed some Tylenol, handing the pills over to him along with your not drunk water bottle from last night.
He smiled graciously and took the medicine, sipping the bottle before clearing his throat. "thanks" the boy yawned. "any plans today?" he looked at you
You pulled down the sheet and sat up as well, groaning at the stubborn sunlight peaking through your curtains. "Um...yeah. shit I forgot....some of my friends are throwing a party and I said I would show up. I dont know why I agreed"
"what?" tae whined "just dont go"
"nah they will be pissed at me, they already called me a prude for working and being home all day after school" you shrug
Tae sunk into the bed, upset that you would be out and about while he stayed in the apartment. "I'll just make an appearance, then make my exit, okay? it wont be like an all night thing, swear" you rambled.
"can I go at least?" he pleaded with big eyes
sighing, you look up at the ceiling. "eh, Im not sure thats....I dont know if its a good idea"
"why not?"
"because you dont know anyone over there except from Chae and Dahyun...who youve only met a few times, and-"
"whos throwing the party?"
"...I dont know? Some kid named Jungkook"
"see? you dont even know whos gonna be there so whats the difference if I go?" he insisted
"Because I definitely will recognize people, we all are on the same campus, you wont know a soul"
"Pleaseeee" he jokingly whined and held onto your arm.
"tae"
"Is kaito going?"
"yes"
"then I will too"
you scoff and pull back, "youre going just because he is?"
He looks at you, "no, I just- whatever im going" he stands up and flairs his arms around dramatically before going into the bathroom to wash up, not giving any room to further the conversation.
you fall back against the pillows and sigh. You never wanted to go, but you thought perhaps you had a chance at having fun, now that chance was at like....0.0002%. You loved tae, but certain people in your life dont, certain people who will be at that party, certain people who told you not to bring him.
-
"Yes mom, i-...yes yes, I already said that" you paced around the kitchen with your cellphone pressed to your ear, attempting to clean off the counters while conversing with your mother who was back in Gwangju.
"Well im just saying, your birthday is next month and I would come to Busan myself but my back is still giving issues, doctor said no travel. Would love to see you and kaito come visit me"
You looked around the kitchen as you listened to your mom speak, eyes catching on taehyung who was eating an english muffin in the living room, writing an email to his mom about how he won the art contest.
"I'll talk to him, we both have crazy schedules right now and the semester isnt over until the end of next month, so-"
"its okay if you cant, im just throwing it out there"
"no no, i'll find a way, ok? I only turn 23 once, and Im sure Kaito will love to meet you too."
Tae took a bite of his food and cocked his head to you, raising his eyebrows as you silently shrugged in response.
"Ok....mhm. I love you too mama, text me, okay? ...bye bye" you sigh and put your phone down.
"early birthday festivities?"
"yeah....Im gonna visit mom in a few weeks and she asked me to bring the..boy" you giggle, making him smile.
"she doesnt wanna see me?"
"I think she just wants to meet my current boyfriend, youll see her on easter" you pat his back and walk into your room.
-
"I think Jungkook is cute" Dahyun spoke up, biting into her donut as she scrolled through social media, showing his photos to Chae.
"eh he is oka- woah, yeah hes hot" she leaned closer into her friends phone as Kaito sighed and handed over their coffees. "thanks bean boy" chae chuckled and sipped her drink.
"If you guys are gonna harass me on my shift you can go" he adjusted his apron before wiping off the counter. "do you seriously plan on waiting until I get off of work? you cant drive yourself to the party?"
"what else do we have to do? and....its raining" dahyun drank her coffee, turning to Kaito. "plus you only have another 30 minuets, hurry up"
Chae laughed and walked over to sit in one of the booths as kaito took a new customers order.
"dahyun cmere"
The girl walked over and sat with her friend, looking down at her phone. "whats that?"
"Its Y/N and taehyung" she snickered, scrolling through the collected photos you took last night on your instagram.
Kaito peered over at his friends, curious upon hearing your name brought up. "Oh, yeah, they had this stupid art thing last night, guess he won or whatever" he dried his hands and handed the customer their drink.
"this doesnt look like a art thing" Dahyun smirked
"what?" he came from behind the counter, walking over to see a video of you, drunk, at some bar with taehyung, eating fries.
"she said she was going home after" he pouted and took the girls phone into his hands
"hey!" chae snatched her phone back
"she lied to me" he scoffs and looks again at the videos. "this was last night? youre sure?"
"it says 18 hours ago, yes"
He scratched his head and silently walked back to his position, not speaking a single word until his shift ended. The girls sharing humorous yet worried glances at eachother.
-
"He isnt picking you up"
"what?" you walk around the lobby of your apartment complex as you struggle to comprehend your friend on the other line.
"He said he cant pick you up, but he would see you at the party" Chae spoke louder.
"why cant he pick me up?, where-, what is he doing?"
"I dont know, but thats what he said, ask him" she responded shortly before getting distracted by someone else and hanging up on accident.
You sigh loudly and walk over to taehyung who was resting on the bench. "so hes not picking me up, big surprise"
"what?" he sat up and faced you
You two had gotten ready quickly around 6pm and waited in the lobby for your boyfriend, who you thought would be picking you up.
"I dont know" you shrug and pinch the bridge of your nose,
"hey its okay, i'll go back upstairs and get my keys...ill drive us" he patted your back as you looked at your feet.
"no its not that, I just....he's been acting so off and different. I sent him a cute message last night and he texted me back all lovey dovey this morning, now hes ignoring me, I cant take his fucking moodswings"
"im sorry" he mumbled, looking around at the busy lobby. "maybe...maybe I shouldnt go, like, do you think hes mad that we hung out last night?" he asked
"I dont know anymore, man" you look back at him, "I think we should just go, im not gonna hide from him...maybe I can get him to talk with me" you sigh and stand to your feet. "Im okay with you coming just really...keep your distance"
"from you?"
"from him"
he nods and stands, "okay, just wait here i'll get my keys"
-
The house party was loud, maybe too loud for an on campus event, especially considering it was only 7pm. You practically felt the music blaring inside of you as you timidly stepped into the crowded house. You were immediately met with the mixed aroma of sweat, alcohol, bath and body works perfume, and incense.
"eugh.." you turn to Taehyung and carefully grabbed his arm, leading him out of the busy room. "Just sit, im gonna go look for Kai an-"
"Y/N!"
you turn your head to be met with an already drunk Chae, bringing you into her sweaty arms.
"oh..hey, uh-"
"you need to come with me, we are doing Karaoke upstairs, and Im winning" she yelled, alcohol evident on her breath as it smacked your face.
"you can win Karaoke?" tae mumbled behind you
"yes, yes you can!!" she pointed at him and grabbed your arm, "lets go bitch"
"wait y/n, dont leave me" tae pouted and grasped your other arm.
"I promise ill be right back, okay?" you offered a slight apologetic smile before being whisked away by your friend upstairs, leaving the boy alone in a room full of unfamiliars.
As you made your way into some cleared out room, your eyes were drawn to the huge Karaoke machine set up. "woah..."
"Yeah woah cmon lets go sing a celine dion song"
"chae hold on, wheres Kaito?"
"who?"
you sighed and looked around before grabbing her shoulders, "my boyfriend, Kaito, I need to talk to him, like now. Tall, black hair, you know.....goes by kaito." you dramatically explained as you watched your best friends eyes widen
"Oh yeah.... he is mad at you" she snickered and was quickly distracted by other people, running away before you could question anything she had just said.
"what the fuck" you exhaled, pushing through everyone to try and find kai.
Meanwhile, Taehyung navigated the party downstairs as he awkwardly made his way to the kitchen. There was no order of cleanliness, there was no organization, and the looks of all the mixed red solo cups scattered throughout the entire room kind of disgusted him. He didnt trust any of it, he lifted up a bottle of what looked like tequila and sniffed it, nope, definitely not tequila.
He gave up on finding something to sip on, leaning against the kitchen island as he peered around the large space that seemed too loud for his liking.
Perhaps this was how you felt last night in the art museum.
" 'scuse me" a voice came up beside the boy, making him quickly turn his head and try to figure out who was talking to him, the dim lighting making it difficult.
"what?"
"youre standing in front of the vodka. excuse me" the man repeated, only then did Taehyung understand and scoot over to the side, allowing access to the alcohol. "sorry" he murmured.
"dont think Ive seen you around" the man joked, smiling as he poured and mixed two different bottles into his cup. "whats your name?"
Taehyung looked down to his feet and quickly decided if he should lie or be honest, figuring that these were all college kids, and well, he was not.
"uh, im taehyung. Kim taehyung" he decided, holding out his hand in a gesture of a handshake.
The man looked down and chuckled, ignoring the greeting and looking up at tae. "yeah? you seem unsure"
"yes, thats my name. sorry, i dont usually do parties and shit"
"i can tell man" he took a sip of his drink, audibly wincing before smiling. "Im Jungkook"
Tae raised his brow in acknowledgment
"wanna drink? you look tense" jungkook patted his shoulder and offered him a sip of his own cup, which taehyung reluctantly drank from.
"eugh, jesus christ, that tastes awful"
"I know, but it will get you fucked up" jungkook shrugged,
"hey jungkook wheres Jin at? he said he wou-" a voice came into the kitchen, stopping abruptly when he stood in front of Tae.
"hey" taehyung swallowed harshly
well. he found kaito.
Kaitos eyes drunkingly looked over his figure, a look of disgust and only disgust is what best could be described as his reaction to him being here.
"ah no way, you guys know eachother?" jungkook looked between the two of them happily,
"sort of..." taehyung chuckled, feeling sweat develop on his neck and back.
"wheres y/n?" he asked, looking at him intensly
"Uh, I genuinely dont know...she went away with chae and-"
"wait, y/n is here?" jungkook interrupted, stepping between them both.
"yeah" they both said at the same time before meeting eachothers eyes again.
"dude.....where is she? shes hot as hell" he whisper yelled, peaking into the next room excitedly.
Taehyung glared at the boy, waiting to see kaitos reaction.
"I know, shes my girlfriend"
"no shit dude!" jungkook slapped kaitos back, now ignoring tae completely. "lucky ass"
"nah man" they both stood a few feet away from tae in the doorway, speaking quietly. "she got the worst personality, stuck up as hell. walks and talks as if she doesnt know the only reason boys talk to her is for her tits" he slurs and bursts out laughing
"damn thats harsh man... even for you"
"whatever, i dont care. you can probably have her next...." he sipped his beer quickly
Taehyung felt the anger course through his chest, he wanted to run up and say something, but frankly, he was scared of Kaito, and you had mentioned something about him when he was drunk. If this was it, yeah, its scary.
He immediately stormed out of the room and pushed through the crowd to search for you, the music now blasting louder than before. He quickly walked up to someone familiar by the stairs
"Dahyun, is Y/N around? is she upstairs?"
"taehyung!" she hugged him, "uh...I think? Chae is probably working her. shes ok im sure" she giggled and dragged him over to a lighter area. "look at my manicure! give me an honest opinion. Jimin said it wasnt work $80 bucks and I should just do them myself now, but I think its cute and-"
she went on and on about something that had nothing to do with him for what seemed like forever. Whos jimin? who cares its just a manicure?
he thought to himself as he smiled and nodded.
"they look good, gotta go" he quickly spoke, politely tapping her shoulder before making a dash upstairs. He checked each door, opening up a bathroom to expose two randoms making out.
"oh! uh, im sorry" he covered his eyes and slammed the door shut, walking to the other hall and entering a loud and packed room. "hey chae..." he walked up to the girl, who was in the middle a very intense just dance session with some other poor girl who fell victim.
"heEyy!!" she slurred and danced over to him
He smiled and caught her as she tripped, helping her up. "whats upppp?"
He laughed and made sure she was able to stand on her own before speaking. "do you know where Y/N is?"
"did you see my dancing?" she randomly questioned
"yes, I saw your dancing chae, very nice, now have you seen y/n?"
she looked around curiously before speaking, "oh, yeah, she went to the bathroom!" she yelled into his face
"great, thanks" he gave a thumbs up as he went back into the hall. well he knew which bathroom you werent in.
He trailed down the hall and walked into a bedroom that seemed to be empty, he gently called out your name.
"I'll be out in a second" you shout back, making him exhale in relief. He shut the door to the bedroom and sat on the bed as he waited for you to exit the restroom.
"oh, tae, hi" you mumbled, walking out to him. "you okay?"
"y/n, we need to talk, like...now" he stood up as you made your way over, standing in front of him.
You saw the concern on his face as he spoke, clearing your throat. "wh-whats wrong? what happened?"
"I ran into Kaito and I think-
the door slowly creaked open, a certain someones head peaking in.
"Oh surprise surprise, youre in here with her" Kaito opened the door and walked over, stumbling over his feet.
You stepped closer to tae, feeling fear seep in as you took in your boyfriends very drunk state.
"get out" he looked at taehyung
"no im no-"
"just get the fuck out" he bit
"Taehyung please its okay just go" your voice choked, eyes tearing up as you led him to the door.
"dont let him do anything" he whispered, as you shut the door in his face, making him take a deep breath as he paced through the busy hall outside.
You slowly turned to the boy, waiting for him to speak.
"so, I know that...maybe this is not the best time or whatever to bring this up, but im ready to just..." he began, pausing after words as his thought process was slowed.
"ready to what?" you fidgeted with your bracelets, keeping by the door in case he tried to touch you again.
"move on with my life" he laughed and looked at you.
"wh..what?"
"y/n lets be honest, you dont give two fucking shits about me anymore, so why are we doing this. you dont care, you never have"
you scoffed, "Kaito you are drunk...stop this please, you have no idea what youre saying! How dare you say I dont care about you when all ive done is worry about where you have been and why you are upset!"
"oh please" he stood up and walked around. "you wouldnt care if I died tomorrow, you would find the next boy toy to move on to."
"stop" you mumble, "im not like that, you are being an awful person to me right now"
he walked over and laughed, "why? because im calling you out? calling you out for being a whore?"
you bit the inside of your cheek to avoid breaking out in tears right then and there. you couldnt even speak, you were too afraid and frankly confused on what even caused this sudden outburst.
"you are the one crying? really? I should be upset, I am upset."
he shook his head as he looked at you, " I dont think theres anything left for us right now, so just leave it at that, yeah?" he mumbled into your face as you shoved you aside, allowing him to open the door.
You were shocked, you planned on coming to fix whatever was going on between you both, all of the stressing, just to for him to get drunk and break up with you in some random bedroom. no.
You carefully grasped his arm before he left, "kai, please dont do this" you whispered, his arm forcefully pulling away from you. "dont"
Kaito stormed through the people out in the hall, making his way down the stairs as your eyes met taehyungs. You avoided stopping to talk with him as you decided to run after Kaito.
You were embarrassed. You tried to convince tae that you were in a happy and loving relationship, the little lie was now unraveling as the night ensued right in front of him and your friends.
"wait, please" you called out, following your boyfriend into the living room where the music blared. you tried your best to weave through as best you could, finally catching up to the boy and attempting to reason with him once more.
"baby please can we just talk?" you ask loudly, facing his back as he stood in the crowd.
"No, dont call me that" he mumbled.
"Y/N!!! whats up!" Jungkook ran out of the kitchen to your side, smiling and hugging you. "nice to formally meet you, are you enjoyin- why are you crying?" he pulled away and took in your appearance
"Im sorry Im just dealing with something" you calmly tried to explain, kaito turning around to the both of you. "dont listen to a word this slut says" he bit, making you swallow harshly.
Jungkook looked taken back, his eyes meeting yours sympathetically. "hey, cmon man, dont....dont say that. youre having another beer?" he asked, genuinely concerned for his friends behavior.
Taehyung pushed through and made his way to the living room, eyes wandering for you. He assumed it was best to just leave now, unaware of what had gone down just a few moments prior. He found you standing next to Kaito and Jungkook, watching from afar as he contemplated going over and taking you away.
"dont touch me" kaito shivered away from your touch, making you sigh. "lets go home to my apartment, we need to talk and get you sober, youve drunk too much" you spoke, looking at jungkook for support.
"yeah cmon, listen to her. its probably whats best." he nodded
Kaito looked down with anger at his feet as you stared at him for a moment, you were hesitant to speak any further, but the boy needed help and never listened. He needed to get sober and then probably never drink again. this....wasnt kaito.
"lets just go please? I'll take care of you sweetheart its okay, I-" your hand gently reached out to hold onto his jaw, carefully caressing it as you tried to get him to pick his head up.
You werent sure what exactly had happened, all you knew is that one second you were reasoning with him, the next, the side of your face was burning in pain.
Kaito had pulled back and struck you to the ground.
before you knew it there was a crowd of people surrounding the incident, Jungkook pulling Kaito away as he spit words out at you, none of which you could hear. The music had faded out of your hearing, and the lights were hazed. Your face burned with shame as you struggled to stand up, eyes watching you with concern and shock.
You felt hands immediately pick you up to your feet, turning to see it was Taehyung. You tried to explain but you didnt even comprehend what was coming out of your mouth.
he looked pale, in more pain than you were. His eyes glanced over you and back at kaito as he felt rage fill throughout him, carefully setting you aside as he approached the other boy and suddenly punched him across the face, the room gasping immediately.
"hey- fuck! stop guys!!!" Jungkook tried to seperate them, but there was no use. Taehyung had kaito by his collar, fist repeatedly punching into his face as he fell to the floor, blood on his skin and clothing.
You stood back, unable to fully understand what the fuck was happening. Once it kicked into your mind, your feet were racing over to him, yanking on the back of his shirt. "stop!!! Taehyung stop!!!!" you screamed, other guests joining in to help stop it as well. Your friends stood in the corner, shocked at what they had just witnessed.
"are you okay, miss?" some random man came up, asking you as you realized how many people had been around, asking you questions, none you even heard or noticed.
Someone finally pulled Taehyung away from kaito, who had passed out against the cold tile, nose and mouth bleeding as you watched in horror.
"What the fuck is WRONG WITH YOU?" you screamed at Taehyung, grabbing onto his shirt and shaking him, tears spilling as he looked down at you.
He didnt respond, he let you flip out as people tried to fix up the unconscious boy on the floor.
"you guys gotta go, fuck, the police were called" Jin ran out and spoke loudly, cueing the group of people to run out the door.
"we need to go" Taehyung spoke flatly, gently grasping your arms as he directed you out the door.
He led you to the car and put you into the back seat before getting into the drivers side. He didnt drive right away, instead he looked down at his bruised fist.
"why...why didnt you say anything to me"
You had curled up into the fetal position, tears falling down your cheeks as you tried to look out the window.
"all this time....all this time he was doing this and you never-" he stopped, leaning his head against the headrest and closing his eyes.
"im sorry" you choke out.
He took a deep breath, trying to collect himself so he could speak, let alone drive.
"we will have to talk, about all of this"
"what if you get in trouble?" you whisper
"I didnt do anything wrong, he fucking hit you. He hit a woman, they all saw it" he spoke louder, voice shaky.
you sniffled, the pain in your face and head suddenly becoming really obvious, making you wince.
"are you okay? shit, lets uh, lets get you to a hospital or something" he started his car
"no...I just need Ice"
"what if you have a concussion?"
you groan, "I dont, taehyung, he hit my cheekbone and jaw" you trace your hand over your face, hissing at the sharp sting.
"Im still gonna take you to a walk in clinic, im not risking it. we will go home and sleep right after, I dont want to hear you argue about anything tonight. Tomorrow morning we need to sit and talk." he sternly spoke, making his way down the street.
You didnt have the energy to fight, you were mad, but you didnt have the energy.
You were upset with Taehyung for making the situation worse, but you were even more mad with Kaito. you felt betrayed, he humiliated you in front of everyone you know. He put his hands on you, after saying he would never do it again, over what? nothing.
-
"there is no signs of concussion, but there will be signifigant bruising and damaged nerves." the doctor read over her chart as you sat in a hospital bed, taehyung by your side. it was late, you missed your bed, you missed Yeontan. You didnt think you would be here, especially for this reason.
"thats..good, better than having something serious" he exhaled
"do you wish to file a report against the person who did this to you?"
Tae opened up his mouth to speak, but you cut in
"no, its already being taken care of, thank you though"
She nodded sadly and walked off, giving you too permission to go home.
you felt over your cheek, now covered with bandages.
"Im so sorry" he whispered, looking at you.
"tae.."
"no, im sorry. im so fucking sorry. I know I shouldnt have done that, but I.....I saw him hit you. I saw him hit you, y/n."
"i know" you mumbled, looking down.
"when I saw it happening, I just couldnt control myself. It was wrong of me, I take blame, but jesus y/n...."
"I know..." you repeated, voice cracking slightly. "tae please I just wanna go home, okay? I dont wanna relive it right now"
He nodded softly, standing to get to your side. "yeah, lets go home." he held your ice pack for you, leading you back to the car.
The sounds of the city surrounding you infiltrated your ears. You really couldve been anywhere in the world tonight, but here you were, in this position.
You knew you shouldnt have gone to the party, you regret it with your whole being, because not only did you suffer, but you dragged Taehyung into it too.
You had yourself to blame. you wanted to cry and scream but all you could do is lay in bed that night once you got home as taehyung gently rubbed your back, reassuring you that it would be okay.
Yeah, about that thing you said earlier, about assuming your twenties would be fantastic and amazing......11 year old you needed a reality check.
taglist:
@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee
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felizusnavidad · 9 days
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#so many thoughts in my head about running out of time
#being close to my 30s
#wasting my time on nonsense instead of getting my shit together
#following my heart & making my decision of how i want to spend my time on this earth
I don't know if you're quoting some of the songs/a song or if this is you personally ranting, but, regardless, I feel the first three. HARD. I just turned 30 last month. I went to my brother friend's wedding (we three are only one year apart) last night and I felt so fucking insecure about where I am in life compared to my brother's friends, including the one who got married. I was so insecure to the point of wanting to not be alive. I had a glass of champagne and two Modelo cans. I hate the taste of beer...! All of them are already married and some were even talking about wanting to have kids soon.
And then there's me:
30
Still live at home
Not making a livable wage to move out (I think $19/hr. can be livable with a roommate (at least where I live)... Anyways, I work full-time, but in retail, the hours are inconsistent. I just need a 9-5 job with weekends and holidays off!)
Single 💔
I don't mind too much about being single, actually, but still living at home considering my age is what continues to fuck me up, and last night honestly triggered my depression and anxiety. I'm trying to be optimistic and remind myself that everyone's path to success (I guess is the right phrase) is different and that my time will eventually come. And once that time comes (dream job, first apartment, be in a relationship, etc.), I will be proud of myself for not giving up and ending my life. I will be truly happy.
BUT WHEN WILL THAT TIME COME?!?!
I apologize for the depressive ask. I just needed to let this out, and I felt that you were the best person to vent this too. I still have a sliver of hope that things will get better for me, but I'm not overly optimistic about the thought anymore. On the bright side, my master's degree certificate will be coming in the mail soon! So.. there's something to be excited about. 👍🏼
i wasn't really quoting anything here, it was just me & my thoughts... i'm sorry that you can relate to this tho...
i, on the other hand, can relate to your story. most of my friends, my age or even younger, are married, have kids or at least jobs they love. & then there's me: the most miserable person that you can imagine, just another awkward introverted isolated waste of space 🙂 (this time i am quoting dave malloy lol not important)
i would love to tell you that there's time for everything & you don't have to be exactly where other people around you are (whether they're your age or younger), it's perfectly fine to do all of that later in your life & it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. i understand the feeling tho. i'm struggling with pretty much everything too & even tho i was really happy single for such a long time now i'm actually thinking that it would be so nice to meet somebody... but where. i can't even trust people with my feelings, i'm broken. life's a mess. i hate it here. i'll die alone i guess.
i'm glad at least you have something to be excited about. there's always something to be excited about, to be honest. even small things. let's focus on that while we can. let's not be sad tonight. it will get better, i promise.
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lutawolf · 1 year
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TharnType Episode 1
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I know a lot of people hate TharnType… But for me, it holds a special place. We live vicariously through art. Just because I watch or read murder mysteries doesn't mean I'm so idiotic as to believe I can solve a murder. Just because I cheer when someone knocks the shit out of someone in the movie, doesn't mean I think it should happen in real life. If you don't want to watch shows and movies that require critical thinking, then don't. I personally feel that we've taken so much critical thinking from shows and movie that people can't make logical leaps or think for themselves.
All that to say, that I'm well aware that these characters are toxic. I'll be pointing out a lot of toxicity, but that's also real life. And I personally want to feel something other than awww, when I watch a show or movie. I want to have to analyze my emotions. So that's what I'll be doing in this review.
Right off, we can see that Type is that man's man type of guy. He is tough and sporty, and he views the world from this very narrow view finder. Traditionally, men have been socialized to portray a strong image, especially in Asian society. And you have to understand that most victims of violent assault are made to feel weak. How often I've heard, "that wouldn't have happened to me because I would have punched someone." or "that won't happen to me, I'm strong." Men especially feel the weight of this. Because they are the "protectors" and "providers". So what we often see happen is over compensation of that masculinity, as if to completely erase any weakness. I've always been impressed that MAME details this because generally unless you can get a male victim talking, most miss this behavioral trait.
Techno runs in and tells Type that his roommate is gay. Because he knows how Type feels about gays. Let's talk about this. We know that all of Type's friends have no issues with gays, and yet they still hang out with Type. Which means they've already figured out that Type likely has a reason for his prejudice. Everyone, "Just because he went through what he did doesn't" shut the fuck up. Your lack of sympathy is showing. I do not know a single victim that didn't hate and didn't have to work damn hard through that hate. That's when we become survivors, but I'm telling you, I relate to Type because my hate nearly consumed me.
What I like about the initial confrontation is, despite Tharn's clear anger. He is education and brings up solid points that cause Type to pause. He sees the logic in the education. While there is anger, there isn't hate, which can cause people to get angry themselves and not listen. This right here for me is the first step we see to Type reformulating his bias. A seed has been planted, though he doesn't know it, but he will see it later on in the show when Type brings up these very arguments to himself.
We see more arguments. Type having nightmares of being molested by Tharn. Which they downplay in the show, but yeah, think about it. His anger is all about his fear and his fear of being weak again. See, anger is like armor, it hides the cracks of imperfections. The broken pieces.
Notice how Techno is not accepting of Type's prejudice. He educates at every opportunity. When Techno begins to ask if Tharn has hit on him, we see anger rise in Type. Again, this is used as a shield. In the flashback, we see the real Type. Through the flashbacks, we can see that Type really is a pretty likeable guy. He's friendly, respectful, and honestly easy going. He didn't fight for anything coming into the dorm. He didn't see it as important. Then we see the type of person one becomes when they let hate take over.
And that's the point of this next part! Now Tharn is letting anger take over and is the beginning stages of hate. You flame that, and it will grow till you are doing stuff in the name of revenge. Hatred and anger turns us all into different people, ugly people. People we don't recognize.
Techno sees Type for who he is. Techno is like that third point of view. Now back to Type and Tharn, we see the escalation of emotions that's going to lead to despicable acts. Then we watch the back and forth. We see Type feeling guilty. He can't stop what he started, but we aren't seeing an inherently bad person. You can really see this from the way his friends communicate with him.
I'm going to bring up something rarely brought up. Tharn has had a tendency to be in Type's of space. Type has had to push him back. Then he initiated that cheek kiss. That's when Type gets physical, which is fair. See, he is actually defending himself, and I know we all feel the need to cheer for Tharn because he is the one having prejudice against him. But Type wasn't physical. When do words and annoyances equal moving to physical? You can walk away from these other things. That being said, I cheered, hell yeah, I love a good revenge move, but I can easily see that these two are both wrong. They need to take each other out of the dating pool because they are so wrong that they are right for each other.
Techno trying to explain about Type without selling him out. He's explaining exactly why he is the way he is and why Techno forgives it. Why he is friends with him. It's just that it's not sinking in for Tharn. Or maybe he is like a bunch of people and doesn't think that's an excuse. But that's like telling someone with PTSD, Anxiety, or any other brain misfire that we can't control it. It really is very hard to control, especially when not given the tools to begin healing. He has had no therapy, no chance to communicate. This has festered as a dirty little secret.
Anyway, I think that's it more than anything. Tharn has an idea but no comprehension to show compassion. And a lot of built-up animosity, "I don't do drunk people." But he feels okay with hickey revenge. He has pushed passed what would be deemed acceptable behavior even to himself, but he's let animosity fester. And admit it. Some of us found the revenge sweet. Why we enjoy it so much is Type is a jerk, and we all fantasize about giving it to the jerk. But it's also uncomfortable, and it's meant to be. It's meant to make you realize that the need for revenge can push us where we shouldn't go. I really truly love the depth of this show.
Okay guys, give me feed back. Want me to keep going?
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