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#modern bofur
pistachiozombie · 8 months
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[Ghost Hunter // Fantasy-Modern AU]
Quote taken from an episode of Spongebob [Season 2 - Shanghaied] I know this is super random from the stuff I have been posting but bear with me
Featuring my brother's (@bayrad) 450345435 IQ OC, Greggory, his companion Xilxin, and Sven and Bofur. (they share brain cells)
They're all college room mates doing Ghost Hunting/Exorcism for extra credit that all have a love-hate relationship. This all started from playing Phasmophobia a good bit. Check the tags for more of this content!
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Another series of Tolkien Surveys people:
If you were in Middle Earth....
(Hobbit&LotR)
(excludes the married ones)
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gamgeesgarden · 2 years
Conversation
Bofur: *accidently hits his head*
Bombur, rushing over: I got an ice pack from the freezer.
Bofur: Why do you have chocolate on your face?
Bombur: It was under a pie.
Bofur: So you ate your way to it?
Bombur: I made a judgement call. You weren’t there.
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A Bagginsheild modern AU idea
(I’m too scatterbrained to write it but this needs to be out there to here I am)
The Company are all in college doing classes n shit. Thorin is deeply in love with Bilbo, Bilbo is deeply in love with Thorin, but neither of them realize the feelings are reciprocated. At the same time, Nori is in love with Bofur and vice versa, but doesn’t realize Bofur likes him back.
Bofur and Bilbo are best friends and are often seen hanging out, and both Nori and Thorin assume they’re dating and they have no chance. So, Nori comes up with a plan- him and Thorin start fake dating to make Bofur and Bilbo jealous.
Bofur and Bilbo can clearly tell it’s fake (Thorin is a horrible actor and Nori sells it way too hard), but assume wrongly the reasons behind it. Bilbo thinks Thorin is trying to make Thranduil (his rival) jealous, and that Nori was paid to help with this. Bofur thinks Nori is trying to get Dwalin jealous.
So what do these two disaster gays decide to do? Fake date to get Nori and Thorin jealous.
Hijinks ensue, and the rest of the Company have placed bets on who’s going to crack first and confess. (Bifur is about to crack heads together if he sees his cousin mope about Nori ONE MORE TIME)
(Bonus points if Bofur actually knows what’s happening the entire time and is purposefully causing chaos for laughs)
(Double bonus points if the confession is in the middle of an argument
“WHY ARE YOU DATING BOFUR?!”
“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, DUMBASS!”)
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gummybunsart · 2 years
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Hey friendos! Here is another hobbit modern AU drawing, this time with our lovely Bofur cause nobody can resist this dwarf.
Here is the morning bear
I guess this is kinda a headcanon, he only sleep with boxers or perhaps just nothing Lol
So yea, I like how this turned out, I wanted to shade, it’s kinda free/lazy shading idk
I hope you like it :>
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aeonianarchives · 2 years
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Middle Earth Modern Languages HC's Pt.2
boarders Modern AU! Middle Earth
Part 2 The Company minus Gandalf
Omg this is is late and it don't have the full company ik ik but who really cares I got stuck.
Bilbo
Bilbo would know Gaelic, Celtic, Irish and Welsh as it would be common in the Shire to know those Languages, the Dwarves would teach him Norse, Icelandic and Swedish, Thorin would teach him the fictional language of Klingon, just to mess with the others in the company and to flirt with Bilbo with, Bilbo would also know Endangered Languages / almost forgotten languages, Bilbo would also know Spanish and Mandarin.
Thorin
Thorin would mostly know all of the Scandinavian languages such as Danish, Finnish, Norwegian, Icelandic and Swedish, he would also know Dutch and sign language, I also believe he would of been taught Arabic, as I think the Line of Durin as well as Noldor elves would know Arabic.
Ori
Ori much Like Bilbo would learn Endangered Languages / almost forgotten languages because he's our sweet little dwarf boy such as Ladino and a mix of Castilian Spanish and Hebrew, he would also know sign language and most if not all the Scandinavian languages like most dwarves do, he would also know Spanish, Arabic, Mandarin, because he would want to talk to as many people as possible.
Balin
Balin is smart, I believe other than the common languages dwarves such as sign language would know he would also know German, Persian, Portuguese, Mandarin, Polish and Dutch, Balin also may of picked up Arabic from Thorin as Thorin either tends to yell in Klingon or Arabic, so chances are Balin picked up at least one of those languages.
Dwalin
due to Balin knowing a lot of Languages Dwalin would most likely know at least half of the languages Balin knows such as the Scandinavian languages and German as well as sign language, Dwalin would also know Irish and Welsh, since Bilbo probably taught him because Dwalin wanted to learn.
Fili
Fili would know most of the Scandinavian languages but he wouldn't know all of them he would know Norwegian, Icelandic and Swedish he would also know Arabic, and like most dwarves if not all dwarves he would know sign language.
Kili
Kili would most likely know Old Norse because he would find it fascinating and he would be curious about it he would also know Icelandic and Swedish, Kili since he is from the Line of Durin would of also be taught Arabic, and he would know sign language as well.
Bofur
Bofur would of tried to learn every language and failed so he would know the most common languages instead of the endangered ones such as Italian, Spanish, German, French and Mandarin he would also know like most dwarves Norwegian, Icelandic and Swedish as well as sign language. Bofur would Makes friends with everyone. Just goes up to people like "oh! Your German? * starts speaking German* you're Cuban? *starts speaking Spanish".
Gloin
Gloin would want to know the languages that would be used for commerce - given that I'm pretty sure he ends up handling the treasury and merchants of Erebor, therefore he would most likely know Italian, Spanish, French and Mandarin as well as German.
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okay, there's a trend that came and went on tiktok a while ago of people reading their lists of modern day things they think characters would have loved if it were in their time. i will never EVER get tired of watching them and those vids heavily inspired this post 😭 (ALSO FIRST WRITING SINCE IVE BEEN BACK LETS GOOOO)
so without further ado...
rip thorin's company, you would have loved... (pt. 1)
thorin
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r.i.p. thorin, you would have loved lord huron
rick grimes from the walking dead
wet brushes
google maps
making a secret thirst trap account on tiktok
bilbo
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r.i.p. bilbo, you would have loved trader joes
ring doorbells
facebook neighborhood watch
swiffer wet jet
keeping up with the kardashians
gandalf
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r.i.p. gandalf you would have loved life360
caines chicken
st. louis city museum
grammarly
child harnesses
fìli
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r.i.p. fìli, you would have loved Instagram reels
sad older sibling tiktoks
caseoh
0.5x pictures
hello kitty/sanrio girls
kìli
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r.i.p. kìli you would have loved mewing
native hair wash
tiktok
snapchat streaks
photodumping on instagram
dwalin
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r.i.p. dwalin you would have loved planet fitness
to catch a predator with jim hansen
the will smith slap drama
dude wipes
teenage mutant ninja turtles
balin
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r.i.p.balin you would have loved ibuprofen
turbotax
eBay
low quality inspirational quotes on facebook
air fryers
bofur
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r.i.p. bofur you would have loved impractical jokers
the superbowl
cringey minion memes
andy bernard from the office
snoop dog
ori
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r.i.p. ori you would have loved minecraft
selling stuff on etsy
aesthetic pinterest boards
the perks of being a wallflower
spotify premium
dori
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r.i.p. dori you would have loved five minute crafts
the pioneer woman cookbook
abba
hgtv
temu
(i forgot there's a 10 image limit😞)
lemme know if you guys want a part 2 !! it feels great getting to write whatever i want again!! love you guys so much!! also please send me requests cause i need to get these creative juices back into the flow of things 😭🙏 thank you! 🩷💘💞🌷🌸🌺
tag list : @kumqu4t @tolkien-fantasy @blueberryrock @to-be-frank-i-dont-care @luna-xial @legolaslovely @fizzyxcustard @pistachiozombie @imaginexhobbit @beenovel
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linddzz · 3 months
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Whooooo! I found ya! Down to business:
Are there any fic recommendations for baggin/shield or pitch/frost that you like(d)?
I am absolutely feral
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand…..
What are 3 of your most favorite fics that you’ve ever read?
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Ya found me! Let me say that the notifications of someone going through old fics and commenting are ambrosia. You are a treasure and a saint of a person!
And oh man I had to dive into my old bookmarks for these! I'm good at remembering snippets or vibes of fics but not the fics themselves. I will warn that a lot of my fave pitch/jack stuff tended to be pretty dark. It's not like, a thing I regret or say is wrong, and I still enjoy/love a lot of it! I was in a dark place mentally and that reflected in the stuff I was reading and creating. Who actually has a good time in their early to mid 20s?
Mostly warning because most of my stuff since then skirts the edges or flirts with the darkness but doesn't feel that need to go deep diving.
Second warning is there may be less here than you'd think! The more I write for a ship the less I read, because my brain gets very dumb and the self doubt gets Real Bad. This is all non-exhaustive of course! I wouldn't even say this is my Best of The Best it's just what's coming to mind at the moment. There's way more in the AO3 bookmarks
Pitch/Jack fics
In the Dark - series by @charmed7293 romancing the monster under the bed is maybe not always the best idea
The Syntax of Programming Languages, and, Why Some Code Talks in Accents - by Midievil. I'm biased here bc this was a gift fic inspired by my The Device Has Been Modified, but it done showed me up bc it was written by someone who knows more about actual coding than me
Shadows and Light - this series by @not-poignant is The Classic of the ship. Since you liked Things That Were you'd most definitely like this one. And unlike me, Pia actually finishes things!
I swear to God there were a lot of fics by @insufferablearchanist that I loved but they nuked their old AO3 and I can't ever remember shit.
Thorin/Bilbo fics
Prayers to Broken Stone - @avelera the beauty and the beast flavored au you didn't know you wanted
Comfort in the Sound - by northerntrash. Ok. Yes. It's Bilbo/Thorin/Bofur but like. Trust me on this. Road trip throuple shenanigans
Patchwork Robe - @hallsofstone2941 I am not immune to stupidly adorable modern college au one-shots
Possession - aljira. You liked Sanzigil, you'll like this :)
Marriage in the Manner of Dwarves - series by diemarysues
Other Fandom Faves (that come to mind. I've been reading fanfic since like 2002 ok there's a lot that has made impressions over the years that I just lost track of dkdjdk)
Taking Everyone For A Ride - by Nonymos. Venom/Eddy+Anne/Dan. typical Eldritch shenanigans plus polyamory. Unhinged and weird, just how I like em
The Only Way Out Is Down - @avelera Newt/Hermann. The second PR movie was so bad I wanna erase it from my memory but my god did it spawn some AMAZING fics, including this one that rewired my brain
After Zero - by what_alchemy Newt/Hermann. A bunch of delightful smut
The Wine Dark Sea - @moorishflower Dream/Hob. Siren! Dream au. Jesus Christ. Holy fuck. Goddamn. Gorgeous, monstrous, surreal, Unhinged4Unhinged behavior. Listen. I work with octopuses. I know what their arms feel like and that has ruined almost all tentacle shenanigans for me ok?? This fic got past that hangup.
If I Please You - @moorishflower Dream/Hob. It feels like a modern retelling of an old medieval fairy romance goddamn
And finally. This series. The series.
So. I very recently refound this series and I'm almost hesitant to post it. Because as I was reading it again I kept having to put it down and sit in horror at the realization that I read this fic when I was in college and it actually rewired my brain. I realized everything I have written was trying to recapture what this fic did to my synapses. I was chasing after vibes that I did not realize originated in this fic for me. Me sharing this risks everyone who reads it and has read my stuff also going "ooohhhh you're just doing this again huh?"
It is the very specific combination of "Character A: openly unhinged, obsessive, violently romantic and unnerving/Character B: seems so chill and just happily rolls with CharacterA being insane, because they are also secretly insane." It's the combo of a codependent bonkers relationship with humorous banality of their day-to-day.
It's also a Johnlock fic.
Anyway, The Paradox Series rewired my brain so deeply that I didn't even realize it rewired my brain until over a decade later. I swear I have been unaware of how much my writing has been leaning on what this did to my brain.
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pistachiozombie · 1 year
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[Modern 90s Hobbit AU] One of my favorite dynamics - bantering best friends (dwarf and elf) that beat the shit out of each other but also share snacks when stoned ~ Featuring Sven and Bofur
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Today on Hobbit-Headcanons:
What would the company of Thorin Oakenshield enjoy about the Modern World?
One of my WIP transports the company to our world shortly before they're supposed to reach Rivendell, and into the apartment of my OFC.
So here is a list of things I think each character would enjoy about the Modern World:
Thorin: Google Maps, Siri (will totally argue with her like she's real), Shows like The Crown, Game of Thrones, but also Bridgerton, Democracy (yes you read that correctly), Rock music
Fili: Birth Control (can finally fuck around without risking the royal lineage), Superhero Movies (has an huuuhe crush on Black Widow), Tinder, Martial Arts, Feminism, Henley shirts to show of his muscles, bars & clubs
Kili : TikTok (LOVES cat videos, Top Content Creator about Archery, 'deep thoughts'/rambling, 'prank my uncle/brother with me', does EVERY challenge, accidental thirsttraps & flustered by the comments), Parkour, Man Buns & (Hipster-) Fashion, LGBTQ+ - Community , karaoke bars, team sports, the zoo
Bofur: modern music (especially pop songs with dirty lyrics), Tumblr (is no. 1 shit-poster), music festivals, arts&crafts blogs, Christopher's Streets Day
Bifur: Google Translate, Modern Medicine, Pain Medication, ASL, RomComs (trust me), helps out in an animal shelter, country music
Bombur: Cooking Shows (has his own Online Show), Kindergarten (he had so many children, the reprieve would be SO appreciated), international foodstuff to try
Dwalin: Guns, MMF, store-bought cookies, sport shows (AGRESSIVE fan for whatever team he randomly picks), Barbecues
Balin: Twitter (the political possibilities!!!), mental healthcare (he's sending the whole line of Durin he had no time for their shit), Spa Days, public schools, classical music
Oin: Modern Medicine (Duh), hearing aids, physiotherapy
Gloin: bitcoins, the stock market, Facebook (posts daily about Gimli)
Dori: hair tutorials, fashion shows, tracking devices (has totally microchipped a drunk Nori at some point)
Nori: hacking, movies with the lovable rogue as the MC (Pirates of the Carribbean, Deadpool etc.), spy movies (duh), the mafia (yes, he becomes a boss within weeks)
Ori: Wikipedia, public libraries, tutorials for EVERYTHING (knitting, cutting your own hair, how to talk to royalty, fancy war cries, you name it), fantasy novels, public schools
Bilbo: Food blogs, the "ignore call"-button, Instagram, university (will mayor in at least three subjects), museums
Gandalf: the Internet as a whole, email/ instant messaging, yard sales, modern weed, museums (has a knack for finding cursed items), adventure movies (after watching Indiana Jones he seriously debated obtaining a whip)
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Along for The Ride - Part 3
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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4
Summary: Transported to Middle Earth, you must Join Thorin Oakenshield's Company as they travel to reclaim Erebor! OR: My take on the classic 'modern girl in Middle Earth' troupe. With this first installment, we are following the first movie of The Hobbit trilogy, and falling in love with Kili on the way! The final installment for the first movie.
Tags: Kili / Reader, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Modern Character in Middle Earth, During The Hobbit, How Do I Tag, Canon-Typical Violence, Kíli Is a Little Shit (Tolkien), wrote this while I had covid, in like 4 days lol, implied soulmates, Dwarf Culture & Customs, Freeform, Holding Hands, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sleepy Cuddles, Protective Thorin Oakenshield Company Members, Dwalin & Thorin Oakenshield Friendship, Fluff and Humor, Domestic Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Where In Middle-Earth Is Gandalf?, Hair Braiding, Dwarf Courting, My First Tumblr Fic, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fíli & Kíli & Thorin Live, Thorin Oakenshield Lives, Fíli Lives (Tolkien), Kíli Lives (Tolkien)
Word Count: 3,717
A/N: I was utterly appalled by the lack of Kili writers on here and Ao3. Y'all who write for Kili, I've been eating your crumbs like it's the shit (cause it is) for weeks, but one can't be sustained on crumbs alone so I've prepared a feast!! This is the first fic I've ever wanted to post, please be gentle. Comments, Likes, and Reblogs are loved and treasured!!
Image credit: @skyfullofsong123
Divider credit: @cafekitsune
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“Go wake the love birds will ya,” Bofur said to Nori while packing his things.
“Kili, Y/N, Time to wake up.” Nori gently shook your shoulder where Kili’s hand held you.
You suddenly woke with a startled, “Gaah!” Head butting Kili awake in the process.
“Aahgg” Kili held his lip where you’d hit him in your daze, “Y/N!?”
“Sorry, Kee!” You quickly apologized, resisting the urge to shoo his hand away so you could examine the wound yourself. Nori laughed lightly at your pain.
“Feeling better, Y/N?” Bofur asked from across the cave, “Had us worried.” Kili pushed your legs off him so he could start packing.
“Awe you guys” You smiled “I’m feeling much better thanks to my space heater” You thanked Kili in a roundabout way.
“Always happy to help.” He replied smiling despite his slightly swollen lower lip. He handed you your coat in exchange for his bedding. You put on your now dry coat (elvish material must dry fast) and packed your bedding. You donned your bag and joined the others as they discussed the upcoming anticipated terrain for the day. Bilbo seemed particularly out of it beside you while Thorin talked about the expected route of travel.
“What’s that Bilbo?” You asked pointing with your eyes to the blue glow around this sword. He had enough time to look at it then you in panic before the floor gave way beneath you.
You slid into a tunnel that rolled and slid you further into the mountain. The company yelled and grunted as they were thrown this way and that by the smooth curves and drops. As quick as it started you were dropped into a basket of sorts with little cushioning. Everyone groaned at the bruises that would surely appear.
“LOOK OUT!” Someone yelled making the company scramble in panic as a hoard of goblins sculked toward you.
“OH MY GOD!” You exclaimed in horror at their appearance. The company tried to fight them off but were quickly overrun. The goblins snarled as they mobbed you, dragging everyone to their feet by pulling on clothes, limbs, anything. The sniveling creatures pushed you forward through a corridor of other nasty dirty goblins creating a river of utter dreadfulness.
Time it suddenly slowed. A moth fluttered in front of you and in a voice that sounded like the wizard was saying: “…or. Gandalf. Stall. For. Gandalf. Stall. For. Gandalf. Stall. For. Gan...” Time resumed its normal pace when the moth was out of your earshot. You turned to try to follow it, having to fight against the grabby hands that held you back.
“Oof!” you ran into Kili almost tripping on him.
“Y/N, what are you looking at?” He tried to follow your gaze but didn’t see the moth.
“The wizard is coming we need to stall—” You were cut off by the creatures pushing you forward again grumbling to keep moving. “Tell the others!” You had to shout to him.
While the rest of the company shouted helpful things like ‘Get back!’, ‘You’ll pay for this!’ and ‘Unhand me!’ you opted for something more ‘HOLY SHIT THESE FUCKERS ARE UGLY!’. These concerns you vocalized quite loudly hoping to get a rise out of them.
“Ew ew ew!” You shoved at your captors “This is so gross!” Your shrill scream was rising in pitch but so much was happening that you didn’t notice its effect on the goblins near you. They kept pushing you forward, chittering at you as you passed.
You were funneled into a large open space that looked like a beehive with how the disgusting things were lining the walls and strung about in the air. You were stopped on a round platform in front of a huge goblin. Your weapons were dropped a few feet in front of the group.
“That is the ugliest thing I have ever seen,” you said looking at the corpulent mass of flesh and borderline decay before you. “That is truly a face only a mother could love.” The company chuckled, trying to be serious but failing.
“Who dares enter my kingdom armed?” The moving sack of meat said, looking at you all.
“Holy shit! It can talk!” You exclaimed, truly surprised by this turn of events.
“It?! I am the king of these parts!” He said, making his subjects loud and rowdy.
“I assume the role is inherited cause no one would willingly elect you, Jesus!” You had to look away before your eyes burned. “Sorry, my brain is just having a hard time coping with how ugly you all are” You closed your eyes and rubbed your temples.
“They are dwarves, your malevolence,” An underling said to his king.
“Don’t just stand there! Search them!” He commanded his hoard.
Clammy fingers groped everywhere on your person making you scream at the sudden defilement. The goblins covered their ears at your high pitch, releasing you and the company from their search.
“Now you listen here you ugly piece of shit” You marched right up to the edge of your group to properly address the king “That was completely uncalled for! Ordering your subjects to violate us when we’d already been searched on the way here!” You pointed to the weapons on the floor in front of him.
“Well excuse me for wanting to be thorough, she-dwarf” the king threw what he thought was an insult of his own at you. “And what business do you have in my kingdom?” He asked.
Before anyone else could respond you crossed your arms and said: “Non ya”
“Non ya? What’s non ya?” The king was utterly confused, and so were the dwarves behind you if their murmuring was anything to go by.
“Non ya business” You simply replied with a smirk. The dwarves erupted in a choir of ‘Ooohh’s, even patting you on the shoulder and laughing at your wordplay. The king looked scandalized, huffing and puffing in anger.
“If you will not talk, we’ll make you squawk!” The large goblin said with far too much joy, “Bring up the bone-breaking mangler! We’ll start with the impertinent she-dwarf” He pointed at you making panic race down your spine.
“Wait!” Thorin yelled stepping forward to pull you by the collar of your shirt back into the safety of the group.
“Well, if it isn’t Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror! King under the mountain!” The ugly creature bowed in mock respect, “Oh, but you don’t have a mountain, which makes you no one really.”
You weren’t the only one seething in anger from the disrespect.
“I know someone who would pay a very pretty price for your head,” the disgusting veiny king said.
“Awe you guys” Dwalin suddenly piped up, “He thinks Thorin’s pretty!” making the group laugh.
“ERG! Insolent dwarves! The pale orc doesn’t need anything attached to your head for payment” The king under this mountain suddenly turned smug, “Perhaps you know of whom I speak, He sits astride a white Warg, an old enemy of yours.”
“Azog the defiler is dead,” Thorin said slightly defensively. “He died in battle long ago.”
“So, you think his defiling days are over, do you?” The king turned to his scribe who hung off the edge of the platform. “Tell Azog I have his prize” The subordinate goblin chittered and swung away.
Fili pulled you to him and Bifur, “I thought you said Gandalf was coming,” he loudly whispered.
“He is, we need to stall for longer” You tried your best to keep the worried waver from your voice.
A rhythmic thumping started rattling the suspended platform. Everyone looked over to see a large torture device being rolled towards you. The king started singing an honestly catchy tune if it hadn’t been about how your bones would be shattered and from racks you’d be hung. The devices kept rolling closer, and the goblins jumped and jostled against you all.
A goblin off to the side shrieked and threw Thorin’s blade down.
“Tha-that’s the goblin cleaver!” The king scampered to his thrown, away from the discarded blade, “Kill them! Beat them! Break them!”
The underlings wailed against the company. Dwalin and Kili covered you, so they’d take the brunt of your attacks.
Suddenly a pure white light burst from the center of the platform, throwing everyone and everything back.
“We must take up arms!” Gandalf stepped forward “FIGHT!” His battle cry brought the company out of their stunned daze. Kili grabbed your hand as you both stood.
“Stay with the group!” He told you. The look in his eyes promised to protect you. He caught his sword at the hilt, swinging it to cut an attacking goblin down.
“I’ll keep up” You replied confident in your abilities. Weapons were thrown and exchanged in a wonderous display of practiced coordination, wiping out most of the creatures that detained you.
“Follow me.” Gandalf called the company to him, “Quickly! RUN!” He yelled, leading the dwarves across a bridge as mobs of goblins pursued you. It was all a bit of a blur. You ran and ran while the dwarves fought off attackers, chopping their heads off in one swift blow and pushing their bodies from the path.
“POST!” Dwalin yelled reaching down to pick up a pole, you helped pick it up alongside a few of the other dwarves. You all pushed and pulled it, knocking handfuls of goblins out of the way. The post was dropped so the warriors could use their weapons. Everyone was fighting so well…everyone except you. When the group started running again you did too.
‘That’s one thing I’m good at I guess’ you thought.
You stopped beside Gandalf as the others caught up. Kili ran across a ladder and jumped off in front of you with an odd smile.
“What’s a girl like you doin’ in a cavern like this!” He grinned at you as you all started running.
“Is—” You couldn’t help but laugh a little “Was that a pick-up line? In the middle of battle?!” You yelled at him with a smile.
He jumped over a recently deceased goblin, looked back at you, and winked. You scoffed in disbelief despite your blush. You all followed the wizard to the end of a walkway when the rope was severed, sending it swinging through the air toward the other side of the crevasse. Several dwarves jumped off at the first pass, but you were stuck on the swinging pendulum. It swung back to the goblin-filled walkway you just left, picking some up on the way. On the return swing, you jumped off. Kili caught you; you were ready for your comeback.
“Fancy seeing you here” You smirked at him as the company scrambled from the now-falling swing. He laughed a little as he ran, cutting down goblins with every swipe of his mighty blade.
The ground changed from creaky wood boards to jagged rock. Gandalf stabbed an overhang with his staff, dislodging a boulder that rolled down the slope. You and several others pushed it to help it gain speed, following behind it as it mowed down every revolting creature in its path till it fell from a cliff into the depths. The company kept running and fighting off the hoards. A goblin-less part of the wooden scaffolding was quickly filled in as you approached it.
The goblin king erupted from below the wood boards, just in front of the line of dwarves.
“HOLY SHIT!” You yelled startled. You were now trapped on all sides.
“You can’t escape me!” He sneered down at Gandalf, “What are you going to do now Wizard?” the large goblin looked down at him.
Gandalf thrust his staff into his large bleary eye causing him to reel back and howl in pain, exposing his round belly. The Wizard took the opportunity and slashed him across the stomach, bringing the filthy creature to his knees.
“That’ll do it,” The king said grimly just before Gandalf slit his throat. The dead weight lurched forward causing the wood boards beneath the company to shake. The scaffolding gave way beneath you all. Everyone screamed as the structure slid down the bumpy rock. It was wedged between the narrowing rockfaces which slowed its descent before it crashed down and collapsed. You and the wizard stood, thankfully not held down by the rubble. Everyone groaned under the weight of the boards.
“That coulda been worse,” Bofur said. In a twist of fate, it got much worse for those still stuck because the enormous weight of the goblin king crashed onto them. Groans and curses were muttered by all as they removed themselves from the planks.
“GANDALF!” Kili yelled upon seeing the ocean of angry goblins running at full speed toward them. You were helping the others to their feet.
“We can’t fight them all,” Dwalin said helping his bother.
“Daylight is the only thing that can save us,” The wizard said, desperate to get out of the caves, “Come on!” You all started running again as you followed the wizard to safety.
“I see it!” Ori exclaimed pointing to the pinprick of sunlight beaming from the other side of the corridor. You were running as hard as you could but were slowing just the slightest. The company burst from the cave as the sun was painting the sky with its last rays.
You slowed as you made your way down the mountainside. Gandalf took a head count while everyone caught their breath.
“Where’s Bilbo?” He asked the group “Where’s our Hobbit?”
“I think I saw him slip away when they first captured us,” Nori said.
“Slip away?!” Gandalf said exasperated, “What do you mean? Explain yourself!”
“I’ll tell you what happened,” Thorin said sounding agitated, “Master Baggins saw his chance and took it. He’s thought of nothing but his warm bed and hearth since he first stepped out of his hobbit hole. He is long gone by now.” Everyone looked around not knowing how to feel.
You felt sad, he was good company and a welcomed change from the sometimes coarse mannerisms of the dwarfs.
“No, he isn’t,” Bilbo appeared from behind a tree.
“I have never been so happy to see anyone in my entire life” Gandalf approached him with a glad smile.
“We’d given you up!” Kili said in disbelief.
“How’d you get past the goblins?” Fili asked with admiration and curiosity.
“How indeed” Dwalin repeated.
“Well, what does it matter” Gandalf tried to turn the conversation elsewhere, “He’s back.”
“It does matter” Thorin overruled Gandalf's words, “Why did you come back?”
“I know you’ve always doubted me,” Bilbo said to him “And you’re right, I miss my books and my armchair and my garden. That’s where I belong, I have a home to go back to, and that’s why I came back, cause you don’t have one…a home. It was taken from you. And I want to help you take it back if I can.”
Meanwhile, you are off to the side panting your little heart out from all that running.
Wargs howled in the distance.
“RUN!” Gandalf yelled. You could barely move, exhausted from the previous run.
“Oh lass,” Dori, ever the mother hen, trotted beside you as you made your best attempt at running, “Hop on” He leaned over so you could jump on his back. You hesitated.
“Are…you…sure” You panted. You were picked up by Oin and Gloin and placed onto Dori’s back. He immediately picked up speed catching up with the rest of the group. You could hear the Wargs snarling as they drew closer. The group slowed as they reached the edge of the cliff.
“Up into the trees!” Gandalf yelled, “Climb!”
Dori, this absolute unit, climbed the tree with you on his back. He passed you to a branch as Wargs circled the tree below. They began jumping up into the lower branches, chomping them down and shaking the tree.
“You alright Y/N?” Kili asked from a branch above yours.
“Peachy!” You replied sarcastically. Your tree began leaning. The Wargs jumped against it knocking it into the tree beside it. You all jumped into the still-standing tree, but it was no sooner knocked over into the next. You all jumped again making the tree slowly lean over the side of the cliff. Gandalf began passing flaming pinecones to everyone to throw at the attacking Wargs, catching their muzzles and the underbrush on fire. The Wargs retreated but a new problem arose. The tree everyone was in began to fall over. Those on the wrong side hung above a large drop. Thorin ran from the tree to challenge Azog. He was swiftly brought down. Before the Warg could make the final chomp on the company leader, Thorin slashed it across the nose making it drop him. An orc was ordered to behead him. As he lined up his blade to make the final blow, Bilbo tackled him. He stabbed the offending orc in the chest and stomach multiple times. You pulled yourself into a more secure position, so you were lying on your stomach against the tree.
“Y/N” Kili called to you reaching for your hand. You helped pull him onto the tree trunk, then helped Fili up too. The three of you pulled some of the other dwarves up together. Kili grabbed your waist to shift you so he could get around you on the narrow tree. You didn’t have time to dwell on the blush it created as the dwarves ran into battle to protect Thorin and Bilbo. You watched from the relative safety of the tree.
Watching Kili with the heat of battle rage in his eyes was extremely arousing to your surprise. He looked natural with a sword which made you wonder why Fili would say he wasn’t.
A sudden shriek of an eagle from above startled you. Talons plucked you and Gandalf from the tree and then dropped you onto the back of a huge eagle. The rest of the company joined on the backs of eagles as well. Thorin was knocked out in the talons of one.
In the sky of the setting sun, you were beside the wizard as you flew.
“Now that we have a moment,” Gandalf said, “We have much to discuss, my dear.”
On the back of the enormous eagle, Gandalf explained what he had learned. If someone from each world experiences an equal amount of loneliness and yearning at the same time, and the universe deems them a favorable couple, the person from your world would be allowed transport to Middle Earth. When they touch the staff, they appear next to the wizard who is closest to their counterpart. Fate brings the two together every time. He wasn't told of a way to return to your world because none had ever wanted to do so, but if you wished him to, he could find a way.
“I think I just need some time to process all this if you don’t mind,” you said not wanting to offend him. You wanted to be alone with your thoughts for a while.
“Not at all my dear,” He smiled, admiring your strength in the face of new developments.
The eagles flew the company over beautiful mountains in a sky painted by the rising sun. It was stunning. You didn’t know how long you were flying, so caught up in your thoughts.
The birds began circling a rock that stood above the forest below. Thorin was gingerly placed by the eagle. You and Gandalf landed on the rock next. Both of you ran over to the company leader to see how bad his injuries were. The other members began trickling onto the rock. They watched as the wizard said some foreign words over Thorin, making him wake. He asked if Bilbo was alright. He stood and went on about how he doubted him, but you rushed over to Kili after he’d landed toward the back of the group.
“Are you ok? You’re not hurt, are you?” You looked him over, moving his thick coat to make sure he wasn’t hiding a wound.
“I’m ok! I promise!” he smiled and took your hand in his, “How bout you, are you ok?” You’d never know how much he wanted to put his hand on your cheek in that moment and kiss you.
“Of course, I’m fine” you squeezed his hands a little, “I’m not the one who went running into battle,” you said in worried scrutiny. The memories of him fighting the orcs flashed vividly through your suddenly aroused mind. He must have noticed the way you subtly bit your lip and looked at him through your lashes.
“Oh, just admit it” He smirked mischievously at you looking into your eyes, “You liked it” he whispered in that deep gruff tone that you were beginning to like very much.
Everyone cheered and you turned to see Thorin hugging Bilbo. You were happy they were getting along. After Thorin pulled back, his eyes locked onto something in the distance. Everyone followed his gaze as he walked up the rock face.
“Is that what I think it is?” Bilbo said in disbelief. You all followed Thorin to get a better look.
A solitary break in the line of the horizon was a stark contrast against the vibrant colors of the rising sun. A lonely mountain sat apart from the rest, so very far away.
“Erebor,” Gandalf introduced you all to your destination, “The last of the great dwarf kingdoms of Middle Earth.”
“Our home,” Thorin said with pride and a little relief. A bird flew past, chirping delightfully.
“The birds are returning to the mountain,” Oin said pointing to it. You grazed your hand against Kili’s and let it linger there while you watched the bird flutter away.
“That, my dear Oin, is a Thrush” Gandalf stated. Kili turned his hand so his pinkie could reach to find yours.
“But we’ll take it as a sign,” Thorin looked at Bilbo, “A good omen.” Everyone took in the view and prepared themselves for the next push to the mountain.
You wrapped your pinkie around Kili’s. You couldn’t keep your happy smile from your lips. You knew you were acting like a silly little schoolgirl; he brought it out in you in the best ways.
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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4
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littlemessyjessi · 5 months
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Announcement 📢!
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Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, son of Thror, King Under the Mountain, Crown Ruler of the Mighty Erebor in all his majesty has won the main role in the upcoming modern chick dropped in middle earth fic!
The others gave up a good fight but His Royal Hiney won by a landslide.
So stay tuned for that.
Additionally, the Thorin x Fawn story will continue with the third installment hopefully over the next few days.
AND also please see my last post regarding some requested content that I really need help deciding pairings for. It is kinky. Sorry.
Also, for those that wanted content for Fili, Kili, Dwalin and the subsequent poly pairings... they are still coming. Just in other stories. I've been planning for ages for them to have their own lengthy stories.
However if you'd like something shorter but quicker do please see that last post of mine and send in asks for who you would think would suit it.
Concerning the Hobbit I write for Thorin, Dwalin, Fili, Kili, Bofur (still trying to get his vibe right in a romantic setting, Bilbo, Bard, Thranduil and Legolas.
Lord of the Rings is a whole other story and I'll make a separate post regarding that at some point.
All my love,
K
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Also please help me sort pairings for these new requests. I beg of you with Thorin's majestic puppy eyes.
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sunnyrosewritesstuff · 3 months
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Hooray! Our first SOS is up! I started a bit out of order thanks to interference by @fantasyinallforms but good news is all 6 one-shots that were saved are getting written now! 😁
Behind the Money
Rating: G
Warning(s): N/A
Tags: Alternate Universe- Modern Setting | Alternate Universe- Tea Shop | First Dates | Millionaire Thorin Oakenshield | Tea Shop Owner Bilbo Baggins | Minor Bofur/Nori (Tolkien)
Summary: Bilbo is just a humble tea shop owner who loves serving his regulars including a businessman who has decided to make it a point to stop by while he's in town. However, this time he leaves Bilbo with an outrageously large tip, and Bilbo doesn’t know how to interpret it, especially considering he’s just learned the man was Thorin Durin, CEO of one of the biggest multi-million dollar companies of their generation.
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“Which was good because it made me realize what a giant ass I was being, and where would we be now?”
“Where indeed.” Bilbo hummed with a grin. “Well, I do hope you enjoy your tea, Mr. Durin.”
“I’m quite sure I will, Mr. Baggins.”
He pulled out a piece of paper that had been folded a few times from his pocket holding it out over the tip jar. 
“For you and your excellent service.” 
Bilbo beamed brightly, always proud to receive compliments, but even more so from Thorin. He thanked him profusely as Thorin took a table close to the counter. Bilbo had meant to go visit with him again, but the shop became busy after that and by the time he looked back over, Thorin was long gone. Bilbo tried not to be too disappointed. He didn’t even think about the paper that had been placed into the tip jar until it was the end of the afternoon, and he was closing up for the day. 
Bilbo went about his usual routine, cleaning up, taking inventory, and counting the cash drawer when he pulled out Thorin’s check. Bilbo’s eyes bugged out before he shook his head with a laugh. Thorin had written a check for fifty thousand. Excellent service indeed.
For more of this chapter, please click the AO3 link above!
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gummybunsart · 2 years
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Hey friendo! Another lil spicy ship hear for you and your troubles
This ship is Bofur and Nori
I honestly like this ship cause I think they are good friends but perhaps they have good chemistry between them, just opinion
This is modern au btw, so it’s a bit different in a way, also this took me a while cause I didn’t know how to execute the pose lol
Also, let’s be honest, they both smoke whether that’s cigarettes or pot (mostly pot)
So here, is a lil “smoke exchange” between the two *coughs* *blushes*
Anyways, I hope you like it! :>
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creativemessbyvd · 26 days
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I am back! Bagginshield Mamma Mia AU Chapter 3 is out!
PLEASE, IF YOU ARE A RETURNING READER, READ CHAPTERS 1 AND 2, I ADDED A BUNCH OF STUFF TO THEM!
Lay All Your Love On Me - Mamma Mia AU (17688 words) by VestaDragon Chapters: 3/? Fandom: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, Mamma Mia! (Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Frodo Baggins/Sam Gamgee, Past Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield - Relationship, Past Bilbo Baggins/Dwalin, Past Bilbo Baggins/Bofur, Endgame Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Endgame Dwalin/Ori Characters: Bilbo Baggins, Frodo Baggins, Thorin Oakenshield, Dwalin (Tolkien), Bofur (Tolkien), Ori (Tolkien), Balin (Tolkien), Pippin Took, Merry Brandybuck, Sam Gamgee, Gandalf (Tolkien), Guest starting Gamgee family, mentioned Lobelia Sackville-Baggins Additional Tags: Mamma Mia! AU, Frodo as Sophie, Bilbo as Donna, Thorin as Sam, Bofur as Bill, Dwalin as Harry, Ori as Rosie, Balin as Tanya, But Ori and Balin will take the roles of Rosie and Tanya both in different ways, No singing inside the story, but it will be encouraged for you to have the Mamma Mia playlist around, I loved this movie and I wanted to see it with the Hobbit characters, Trans Bilbo Baggins, Modern Middle Earth, Fluff and Humor, Family Feels, ABBA Songs Mentioned, Dwobbit Frodo, Not Beta Read, After 4 years I'm back!
Summary:
Frodo Baggins is getting married, and he has invited his three possible dwarrow fathers – but did not tell his Hobbit father. He doesn’t have a death wish. He just wants to fill the hole he has had his whole life. And he’ll know when he sees his father, and everything will be alright in the world.
Bilbo already had stress with the wedding, he did NOT need all three of his exes at his Hotel after 20 years. Why would all three show up and on THIS weekend in particular? Valar help him. This will be a weekend no one will soon forget.
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cutie4560 · 11 months
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THE HOBBIT COMPANY
(MODERN A.U LIFE)
Bilbo Baggins: Florest
Thorin: C.E.O of Oak & Sheild Security Services
Fili: College Graduate, Junior Associate at his uncle company.
Kili: College drop out, Work delivery at Bombur's Bistro. In a band with his girlfriend, "The Mirkwoods"
Balin: Retired Officer, Owns a small corner shop.
Dwalin: Police Officer
Gloin: Money Manager for Oak & Sheild
Oin: Doctor/Pharmacist owns his own clinic
Dori: Owner of a Cocktail Lounge helping to pay for his little brother college.
Nori: Pawn Shop associate, also backroom gambler.
Ori: College Student, Art Major interning at Erbor News
Bofur: Construction Worker
Bombur: Owner/ Head Chef of his own Bistro
Bifur: Architectural drafter
DO YOU AGREE?
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