#majority of my classes are related to my major so i like them even though they take a lot of time

[critter-coded]

Reclaiming "Female" Through Therianthropy

This is my submission for the "My Gender is Not Human" zine. Here, I discuss how I realized I was not transgender because of my therianthropy and I hope that maybe someone else may relate and understand themselves in a new way. ♡

If you want to wait to read this until the Zine is released, then do not continue past the "keep reading" portion. Otherwise, enjoy!

PS: If this interests you, I'd strongly advise playing Shelter 2 (where I got the photo below from) as it relates a lot to my own experience.

CW: Body issues, misogyny

Can you imagine the scent of the velvet fuzz of a newborn animal? The experience of a dark den now filled with new life, life that hasn't even opened its eyes yet to the winter world just outside? Can you imagine the tiredness yet sheer love and comfort of having your children welcomed into the world, witnessed only by you and the Earth’s soil?

It's something I often dream of, and it's that very experience that made me realize that I am not transgender. It's funny because in this community, it feels as though the majority of individuals here are transgender and that experience ties closely into their nonhumanity. For me, the opposite occurred. I had a top surgery letter in my hand after years of feeling “not quite right” in my body or in how people perceived me. I had every reason to feel this way and to want this, even if it felt imperfect. Looking back, I remember how I got to this point.

“Be skinnier any way you can, it’ll make you prettier” they’d say as they, themselves, were ironically obese and I loved them no less for it.

“Grow your hair long and change your clothes, you’ll look more like a lady.” A projection rooted in the ideals of someone who reads far too much Jane Austen.

“Women should be subservient and provide endlessly, or they’re selfish.”

Dread set in every time I filled someone’s coffee or plate of food due to expectation or demand and not out of love and kindness. Everytime the topic of how I looked in a dress or how my hair wasn’t as long as someone else wanted. The disappointment of my family when they learned I had dated other women in the past and their relief when I dated one man. The eyerolls and my teacher’s discouragement when I expressed an interest in physics or chemistry. Even my finance degree was achieved through apparent luck despite graduating top of my class. Every “right” I accomplished was met with a “wrong” in some new category. The very things that made men impressive made me disobedient. I starved myself to look a little nicer to strangers, cried in bed after being talked down to at work, slept away all of my sorrows in a curled up ball. Humanity didn’t take kindly to me.

It frustrated me, and combined with my general lack of identity at the time along with diagnosed CPTSD, it was easy to relate to the plight that transgender individuals experienced. Surely that had to be me, but the label and being perceived as something besides female never clicked entirely. I figured that I may just have mild gender dysphoria instead, but for the first time, I really deep dived into what it meant to identify as a gender as everyone was needing urgent, permanent decisions to be made on my end. Around this time, I took on my first mammal label which was a feline. Ironically, cats are often the first animals to be associated with femininity and to be mistreated because of it.

I wanted motherhood, but I wanted my own kittens to rear more than I felt like I wanted to raise a human infant after spending time in a daycare and at a cat shelter. I didn’t want my breasts, but not because I wasn’t a girl, that’s just how other animals are. Perfume was a method to mark the rooms I had been in, not for elegance. I still felt so female, yet I didn’t see another way out besides transitioning until it occurred to me: what if I didn’t have to be a “woman”, and instead, I could simply be female the way animals are female? 

There were so many women like me such as in Brave, Princess Mononoke, Poor Things, or Wolf Children. The women who strayed from polite society to walk their own paths and stuck to their own desires. Even my own cat was female and yet held her chin so high and demanded when she would or would not be held. This realization was the first time I found myself feeling feral freedom and uninhibited beauty in the way I was. I was going to be the woman that rolls in the dirt, who is unapologetically beautiful in her own way, who chases after whatever her wild heart desires. I am not transgender, but I am not entirely a woman. I am an animal, and I am female in all of its unbridled ways.

Shedding my domestic cat label, I have taken up the title of bobcat. With it, I swear on my name that I will bite the hand of any who wish to tame or domesticate me ever again. I have been released out of the crate and back into the wilderness where I belong, and I shall never look back down the mountain. I feel the moss beneath my paws, the cold breeze kissing my nose, the smell of rain soaked woods and wildflowers. Ravens cry as I run on four legs towards the peak, released at last from the grips of mankind. I feel the warmth of a life suddenly worth living, growing along with the hair I now reclaim as my own fur without shame or expectation. I am home at the summit of my own world.

My spirit runs wild, and she is female.

#therian #otherkin #therianthropy #therianthrope #adult therian #feline therian

[bad268]

Hi I love your work can you write about justin and a reporter ask a question about you( your relationship is unknown) and he’s loses his temper a lil but Is also trying not to disclose anything.

Private, But Not Secret (Justin Herbert X Reporter! Reader)

Fandom: RPF/NFL

Requested: Clearly (I love him so much)

Warnings: mentions of when Justin broke his leg in college

Pronouns: Third person (They/them)

W.C. 1031

Summary: A reporter takes a question too far, so Justin takes evasive action.

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

It all started when they met in college, the University of Oregon. Y/n, a sports journalism major, and Justin, a science major on the football team. A match made in heaven, one would say. Their classes did not overlap a lot, but Y/n was assigned to cover the football team. It was only natural for the two to spark something. 

They began hanging out outside of the games and practices during the summer of their junior year and became official at the end of the football season. The two decided to keep it between themselves because the last thing they needed was people making comments about the quarterback and a journalist being together.

Fast forward a few years, Justin is doing well with the LA Chargers and Y/n has established themself with CBS. Y/n was the lead journalist when it came to the LA Chargers, and they were always reporting on Sundays. Their relationship remained strong, and no one other than their respective families and closest friends knew of the two.

Even though they were on the down low, everyone could see that Justin had a soft spot for Y/n in conferences. No matter the outcome of the game, Justin would smile and give very detailed responses. Heck, he would even banter back and forth with them!

One game in particular, Y/n could not attend. Y/n was visiting family, so they asked one of their newer reporters to fill their space. The game was pretty good for the LA Chargers and Justin with him throwing three touchdowns and running one in himself. Despite being at their parents’ house, Y/n turned on the post-game conference just as Justin came on the stage. All of the journalists were congratulating Justin and asking game-related questions until it got to one reporter. 

“Perla with CBS,” she started, Y/n immediately recognized the voice as their coworker who filled in for them. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but my colleague, Y/n, is not here today.”

“No, I noticed,” Justin chuckled. “They’re at every game and every press conference, so it’s nice to see them taking a break.”

“Many people, myself included, have noticed that you two seem to have a stronger bond than just reporter and player,” Perla scoffed. Immediately, Y/n could sense where the question was going, and so could Justin. “Is there anything happening behind the scenes between you two?”

“That has nothing to do with the game, and frankly, it’s none of your business,” Justin answered monotonously.

“I mean, it’s obvious to everyone that Y/n doesn’t have the proper experience to have this job, so it’s clear that they’re doing some ‘behind the scenes’ favors,” Perla continued, completely disregarding Justin’s first answer and obvious distaste for the question.

“First off, don’t ever talk down on someone like Y/n who is higher up than you,” Justin started off, glaring at Perla through the crowd. “Second, if we were in a relationship, how would I have any say in their job? I have no personal connection to CBS, and I just don’t have that power. Lastly, if you’re going to keep talking shit, you can leave, and we’ll make sure that CBS knows how you aren’t actually working within your role. I don’t think your boss would appreciate that his sports reporter is poking her nose around in topics that don’t deal with sports, right?”

“Are you threatening me?” Perla gasped, surrounding reporters were eating it up. Justin was known for being quiet and reserved, so seeing him lash back was a one in a million shot. 

“It’s not a threat, it’s a promise,” Justin replied. “Slander against Y/n will not be tolerated, especially when I know that they specifically chose you for this gig because they believed in you.”

After the conference, Justin called Y/n on his way home.

“Thank you for standing up for me, J,” Y/n greeted almost immediately after answering the phone. “People need to learn to stay in their own lane.”

“I’ll always defend you,” Justin laughed. “We do need to talk to your boss about that, though. That was unacceptable.”

“I really thought Perla was just misunderstood,” Y/n replied sadly. “Turns out she’s just out for drama.”

“If people are going to keep asking about it,” Justin started, “how would you feel about us announcing us? We could be private but not secret, and I’ll make sure to add that we’ve been together since junior year.”

“If I get to help choose the pictures and the caption, I think it would be best,” Y/n admitted. “Plus, you kind of already outed us during the conference when you said ‘we’ will make sure that CBS knows.”

“For fucks sake,” Justin chuckled in disbelief. “I tried so hard to keep it hidden.”

“Well, now we don’t need to,” Y/n comforted. “Remember, private but not secret from now on.”

The next game day came faster than either were prepared for. Both shared two pictures to their Instagrams with the caption, “Five years and counting.” One of them was taken during the off-season, and the other was of the two sitting on the couch with Justin’s broken leg and Y/n dressed up as a nurse from junior year. The posts gained a lot of traction, but it was now in the open. Neither wanted to change that.

After the game and another win for the LA Chargers, there was, of course, another conference. This time, Y/n was back in their place.

“Y/n with CBS,” they smiled as Justin looked their way. “First off, congratulations on announcing your relationship. You two look very happy together.”

“Thanks,” Justin laughed at the brief teasing. "We've been through a lot together. Couldn't see myself without them, honestly."

“That's cute, but I would rather talk about that last play though,” Y/n quickly got on topic. “A 69-yard throw to Keenan Allen for the game-winning touchdown. With this win, you helped secure your place at the top of your division and a place in the playoff. Tell me, does your arm hurt with these long throws?”

~~~~~

© BAD268 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

#justin herbert x reader #justin herbert #justin herbert imagine #justin herbert fanfic #la chargers #los angeles chargers #nfl #national football league #nfl football #nfl imagine #nfl fan fic #bad268 #ship268 #thing268

[etirabys]

What were the major factors for you in deciding whether to have kids?

Unwillingness to forego one of the most intense and unique human relationships possible: "The key to the sociobiology of mammals is milk. Because young animals depend on their mothers during a substantial part of their early development, the mother-offspring group is the universal nuclear unit of mammalian societies."

When I was younger, my major objection to having kids was that it would interfere with my career. I cared a lot about my career and looked forward to transitioning from a student who worked really hard and excelled in classes to a professional who worked really hard and excelled in the workplace and also earned a boatload of money. But then it turned out that I wasn't a hard worker, I just loved studying and taking exams. I don't have a career or the relationship to a career I envisioned, so that's the major obstacle removed.

Seven years ago, I went to a meetup hosted by an economist who liked historical reenactments. His three adult children were in SCA garb, served the guests food from a medieval Persian cookbook, and sat around arguing with him (and the rest of us) about economics. It was my first encounter with a family where the children shared interests with their parents and talked like peers. It fundamentally changed my mind on what families could look like.

Similar story: I visited my friend's family two years ago, and stayed in his teen daughter's room because there had been an in-house auction to determine whose room would go to the guest. She won and was monetarily compensated for it. In addition to having another example of a Relatable Family Where The Members Actually Like Each Other, I found my friend and his spouse's financial philosophy appealing and will be compensated for pregnancy and childcare by my spouse. 20% of my objection to having kids was objection to the financial arrangements of traditional marriage (which imo fucked over both of my parents when their relationship broke down... but more so my mom), so it shifted me on the kids issue to see & adopt a financial arrangement that to me feels more autonomy-preserving, egalitarian, and respectful of my labor and opportunity costs.

I knew I didn't want to be pregnant, didn't particularly like infants, didn't want to interact with toddlers for more than an hour (I like them but get very fatigued and have to go lie face down to recharge), which seemed like a good argument to not have kids. But I also simulated being 70 and childless and it felt distinctly bad. Among other reasons I noticed for the first time that I want a connection to the coming generations, which was startling.

It was hard not to notice that the giant would make an excellent dad, and also that we have complementary skill sets and preferences qua parents.

I read "Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids" after I'd already decided to have kids, but when I was discussing the decision with friends, multiple of them brought the book up. Its basic argument is that we (I suppose I mean Americans and East Asians here) invest in our children well past the point where it matters, which increases the quality of life difference between parents and nonparents, which sucks because lots of people would enjoy raising kids if the unnecessary expectations were dropped. Once I actually read the book I found it suspect (I stopped reading when Caplan described a study and then drew an inference that didn't logically follow), but the conclusion seems true based on observation and common sense. My own parents and I had a lot of conflict over piano lessons because proficiency in an instrument was expected in their milieu. My mom regularly fought me to make me eat breakfast (to this day I don't eat in the morning, my body just isn't made for that) even though it would have been fine to send me off to school with a banana to tide me over until lunch. People trade away health and career points to breastfeed even though the evidence is shaky that it matters. My sister is pursuing a zero screen policy with her child and said this choice significantly increases work and emotional toll. Once I noticed I was the type to be an overworked neurotic parent and that I'd priced my own terrible personality in when simulating how hard childrearing would be, I also noticed I could (with effort) not be that person and have an easier time. So my expectations of parenting changed.

#rambl #dashreplies #parenting #about #I admit I'm also really worried about screens. #but mostly I worry about the interactable apps and the children's video ecosystem. tv seems fine. i'll do more research when it's relevant

[imflyingfish]

Finally finished this massive piece with my OCs! this took so much time. Reblogs appreciated

Tag yourself with which middle schooler you were. I was definetly a Pillow lmao

OC info below cut!

Okay so these characters are p much my only OCs. they're a gang of kids (Aged 12-16) who are caught in a zombie apocalypse. Since most of their families have been lost, they decided to reject their old lives and replace their identities with their chosen objects that they use in battle. They call themselves the Knick Knacks. These characters don't have set genders, so pronouns will be thrown around wherever in description.

Backpack - The emo of the group. Backpack's bag acts as a shield, heavy weapon and storage making them the tank. Recently discovered Hatsune Miku. Can be prone to getting down in the dumps (Who wouldn't) but still cares a lot about her friends. Is best friends with Pillow, and the two balance eachother out well. Likes edgy humour and so gets on well with Metrestick

Pillow - The pastel weeb of the group. Watches a lot of anime and DEFINETLY wishes she was a catgirl. The majority of her efforts go to healing her friends using her pillow, which does low damage. She's very emotional and quite high-strung but overall wellmeaning, even if she can come off blunt or jarring. They definetly try their hardest to reduce conflict in the group and promotes unity (or the power of friendship), which can sometimes be too much. She definetly will no longer be a girl in a couple of years. Is the best friend of Backpack and the two balance eachother. Looks up greatly to Megaphone for her ability to support a group and her genius.

Jacket - the shy roadman. Jacket is a bit of a weird character. He wears a large puffer jacket in order to look larger and more imposing, wants to be seen as a roadman, but is overall too quiet and non-threatening for it to work. so they look homeless instead (they all do, its the apocalypse). He has a close connection with animals, and will stuff birds into his jacket to release as one large, powerful attack. They then have to gather the birds again. He was bullied before the apocalypse by classmates (somewhat including Metrestick) which is why he has tried to look more imposing in recent times. Gets on well with Watergun and especially Backpack as they can relate to her more quiet presence. Metrestick has made an effort to get on with Jacket now that there's no longer the pressure of peers around to impress, feeling remorse. The two still clash occasionally, but for the most part work together very well.

Watergun - the sporty "bully". Watergun deals ranged attacks. Metrestick replaced the container of the watergun with carbonated drinks bottles for more power, held together with tape. She can be harsh and hot-headed, but usually means well and can often act as a team motivator. Occasionally though, he can give in to pride and often takes control of the group even if the others disagree with them. He's strong and has a love for sports that he will passinately share with anyone, knowing a great amount of trivia (Sometimes to the annoyance of others) They like to hang out with Megaphone, Jacket, and Metrestick, but is a good friend to the rest of the group.

Metrestick - The hot-headed art kid - Metrestick was in DT (Design and technology) class when the apocalypse started, and grabbed the metrestick on the wall. His specialty is in close range fighting, giving out quick attacks. Despite being generally uninterested in school, she did have an affinity towards design and technology, finding it a good creative outlet for her emotions. Now she shares that outlet with fighting. In school he was also a bully, picking on random kids such as Jacket to impress classmates. Nowadays he instead destroys zombies in combat in order to impress and support his group. Enjoys crude humour, much tto Pillow's dismay. Despite his differences to Pillow, he still gets on well with her and they will often hang out. He enjoys showing his softer side by making gifts for his friends of fixing machinary, such as the wires on Megaphone's wheelchair. Although he generally tries to keep being sappy to a minimum in order to preerve his image. Is prone to fits of anger in which he can be a right dick (But who wouldnt in the apocalypse) Is likely to be an engineer in the future, and may also be a girl in a couple of years idk.

Megaphone - The preppy genius - Megaphone's disability means that she is unable to partake in combat due to difficulties in moving around cluttered battlefields and a general lack of strength. Instead, she has a megaphone that she uses to direct the group, playing support. Her compliments and strategies power up the Knick Knacks and her insults and taunts weaken the opponent. Megaphone is the group strategist, and is usually trusted to make the correct decisions in battle. She's also the oldest, which makes her the defacto leader anyway. She does often get frustrated and has to pass leadership onto someone else, and her disability does mean that she occasionally has to miss battle. She's confident in her intellect, (which can sometimes lead to conflict as she assumes that shes correct, especially with Watergun) but her age makes her more mature than the others meaning that she's trying to work on this. She has an interest in fashion and reality tv, and will often watch anime with Pillow when they manage to find a way to. She also loves chaos, and finds the thrill of battle to be one of her greatest passions. Her love of chaos also means that she loves watching petty drama. She gets on best with Metrestick and Pillow but makes constant efforts to be friends with all of the gang, knowing how pivotal it is in battle.

#imfish #art #original character #ocs #spotlight #illustration #drawing #digital painting #guys im going to need ur help on this one for any reach lmao #anyway yeah welcome to the Knick Knacks #these characters have been super fun to work on #also yeah i didnt say it in the descriptions but most of them are also neurodivergent but i wont say who and how #fun fact Backpack and Jacket are meant to be blue and purple! but i had to change it lol #but no lemme know what u all think yeah

[thehusbandoden]

Midoriya Izuku x OFA Related Reader Headcannons

A/n: here's the request. For some reason my account is acting weird with requests and I don't wanna risk losing them so I'm doing it differently.

I'm so sorry it took so long! I wanted to write a fic but it wasn't working lol.😅

If you want something changed/want to request something else, please please contact me!

General info:

Genre: fluff + sllight angst \\ wc: 902 \\ posted: 01/01/2024 \\ requested

Your parents died when you were about six. They were bystanders of a villain attack, and All Might unfortunately didn't get there in time. All Might felt incredibly guilty, even though he knew that he did his best.

His guilt tripled when he found out that the couple had a daughter. He was very invested in your future, and immediately offered to adopt you when he found out you didn't have anyone to take you in.

After a while of debating and arguing, the government finally allowed All Might to adopt you. He took a few months off of work to bond with you and get to know you. He hired a full-time nanny to help take care of you while he was at work.

As you grew, he secretly hoped you would be able and willing to take on his quirk and be the next successor.

A few years pass by, and you haven't developed your quirk. All Might had taken you to your doctor multiple times, but he didn't see anything wrong. You were just a late bloomer.

All Might continued to smile, comforting you whenever you felt like a failure.

At your request, and probably a little bit of All Might's own desires, he started training you a week after your tenth birthday. You were amazing, and All Might was sure you would become the next successor.

Until your quirk came.

On your fourteenth birthday, you received your quirk. It was amazing and powerful, yes, but there was one problem...

It was completely incompatible with OFA.

The news devastated you and put you in a pit of depression for a few weeks.

All Might tried his best to reassure you, but you were too caught up in your own self-pity.

Five weeks later, you finally accepted it. You allowed and appreciated the comfort All Might gave you and started to rethink your life's plan.

After a few more weeks of recovery, you asked All Might to help you train your quirk.

It was tough, and almost overwhelming at times, but with All Might's support and the many professionals he hired with similar quirks, you prevailed.

You were behind your fellow classmates by several years, but made up for it by the relentless hours you trained with several pros.

By the time Middle school was ending, you were equal if not far surpass your classmates. You made it into UA by recommendation.

During the months before UA, All Might introduced you to Midoriya Izuku... his new successor.

They were both nervous about your reaction, but pleasantly surprised when you took the news well.

You and Izuku ended up getting along quite well. You quickly became friends, and you helped him with both preparing for and controlling his new power. 

You became very close, becoming inseparable from each other.  

Izuku slowly began to master his new power with your help, filling you with pride.  

Helping him achieve his dream helped you to feel better about your failure.  

Both of you developed feelings for one another but didn’t admit it- even to yourselves.  

You always denied accusations of your crush thrown at you by the majority of Class 1-A.  

It got so bad that Bakugo screamed at you across the hallway, demanding that you and “stupid Deku” stop being wimps and actually confess to one another.  

Izuku was in hearing range, and you almost died from embarrassment.  

Luckily, no one mentioned it.  

It wasn’t until you worriedly entered the hospital, walking down the hall as your eyes flickered from room to room, anxiously looking for his number.  

Your eyes met with the room number, and your heart thundered against your chest as you hurried inside, tears forming at the corners of your eyes as your eyes laid on the broken body of Izuku.

He got so worried when he saw your tears, trying to sit up to comfort you.  

At the sight of him hurting himself, you grew angry.  

Your lips contorting into a snarl, you gently push him back into bed, glaring at him.  

“We’ll talk about this... foolish behavior later.” You growl, your e/c orbs boring into his emerald ones.  

After he healed the two of you shyly confessed. He took you on a date, and you became official three days later.  

You spent even more time together, sitting closer, and staring more openly.  

Neither of you denied your feelings anymore- even though you didn’t tell anyone.  

Almost everyone knew but you didn’t really care.  

You were able to help him whenever he struggled to control or understand OFA, and you were the first one to recognize what was happening and to jump into help.  

You ended up engaged three months after you graduated from UA and married seven months after that. Izuku heavily relied on your knowledge, asking you for help or for advice.  

You both became well-known heroes, and you both went back and forth from number one and number two.  

Bakugo surpassed you once- for two months.  

Izuku was secretly fuming, fighting harder for his position.  

He had a smug smirk on his lips as you regained your ranking, wrapping an arm around your waist as he pressed a kiss to your cheek, not caring about the cameras.  

The affectionate act was all over the news the next day.  

He fainted when he saw the pictures and the clip the next morning, profusely apologizing when he woke up.  

~~~~~

Izuku's masterlist | Masterlist | Navigation | You can tip me here <3

Reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated <33

~~~~~

Do not copy, repost, nor plagiarize my work. Ask before you translate or use my work in any way -minus reblogging.

#mha #bnha #mha x reader #bnha x reader #mha fanfiction #bnha fanfiction #fanfiction #mha fluff #fluff #izuku midoriya #midoriya izuku #izuku x reader #midoriya x reader #izuku midoriya x reader #midoriya izuku x reader #thehusbandoden #request #requested #x reader #x reader fluff #headcanons #mha headcanons #bnha headcanons #izuku headcanons #fluff headcanons #this is so much easier with a laptop lol #I was doing this all on my phone before :')

[literallyjustanerd]

Tease (Fives X Fem!Reader)

You're a student at Coruscant U. The boys of the 501st are guest speakers for a class on galactic politics. But one particular ARC trooper gets more than he bargains for when he starts checking you out...

My first time attempting anything close to smut, hope y'all enjoy! Lmk if it's good enough that you'd want a continuation ;) This also may be partially inspired by a dream i had oops

Words: 1.9k

Warnings: eye-fucking, teasing, showing off, making out, hints of both dom reader and dom Fives, suggestive ending

Rating: 18+ (minors DNI please)

Credit for the Fives divider to @freesia-writes with helmet art by @lornaka !

You have to stifle a yawn as you settle into your desk, stretching out heavy limbs. Your last lecture after a long day of classes. Galactic Relations and Conflict wasn’t really relevant to your major- you’d picked the elective on a whim, but it had proven to be your most interesting class this semester by far. Today promised to be no different: your lecturer had pulled some strings and arranged for some pretty interesting guest speakers.

You hear them before you see them: boisterous laughter echoing down the hallways. Then, the boys in blue file through the door. The one in front corrals the others into order as they come to stand at attention at the back of the hall. Five in total- two ARC troopers, two lieutenants and their Commanding Officer. Armour proudly polished where it isn’t scuffed or dented, painted helmets slung under their arms. Two things hit you in quick succession as your eyes cross the five identical faces. One: these clones are nothing like the carbon copies you’ve seen on your holoscreen. As alike as they look under their haircuts and tattoos, they’re individuals, plain as day, from how they style themselves to the way they stand and speak. Two: one of them is looking your way.

There’s a cool confidence in his demeanour, an effortless assurance to his movements, and he’s not at all embarrassed to be caught looking: though he’s still in conversation with the others, his eyes don’t waver from yours for a moment. It gives you ample time to take in the view, and what a view it is. The angle of his brow highlights the tattoo at his temple, and from there you follow the sharp cut of his jaw down to the well-kept goatee at his chin, up to the inviting curve of his mouth. Solid, square shoulders shift when he laughs at something another clone says. There’s a stray curl falling over his forehead you want to tangle in your fingers. You fight the urge to bite your lip as your eyes venture lower, sweeping down a broad, thick chest to his deliberately cocked hip. You force yourself to look away. Can’t be caught ogling the trooper, like the self-proclaimed “bucket fuckers” you see on your social media feed, lining up at 79s every weekend. You’re not that desperate. Subconsciously, though, you realise you’ve straightened in your seat, pulled your shoulders back. You’re even toying with your hair. 

You cringe internally, chastising yourself for looking so eager. Calm down, you think, it probably doesn’t even mean anything that he’s looking. The lecture isn’t due to start for another ten minutes, and among the smattering of early students, you’re the only one in the front row. He’s just getting a look at his audience. But when you chance another look up at the ARC trooper, you find his gaze still locked onto you, even as the clone beside him continues to speak. Cockiness is a trait you usually find irritating. But much to your dismay, instead of scoffing when he arches his brow and quirks his mouth in your direction, you feel your pulse quicken and your skin heat.

He winks, and your mind is made up in an instant, caution thrown to the wind. It’s been too long since you’ve taken a break from your studies and had this kind of fun. If he wants to play the game, you’ll play. And you’re not going down without a fight.

You bring your eyes back down to your desk and pretend to be deeply focused on laying out your datapad for taking notes. Hot as blaster fire, his gaze still burns on you, but you refuse to give in. You’re no stranger to this dance, and you’ve gotten pretty good at it, even if you do say so yourself. Your lecturer enters soon after and begins the talk, introducing your guests. You get your first taste of the ARC trooper’s deep, gravelly voice when he steps forward in turn, as well as his name. Fives. It loops in your mind as you wrap your lips around it, trying it out. As Captain Rex takes the podium, you make your first move. Slowly, deliberately, you cross one leg over the other, and lean your elbows on your desk, shoulders pulled proudly back. The stars must have aligned for you this morning: you’d picked one of your lower cut shirts, and it frames your cleavage perfectly. A few carefully counted seconds later, you tilt your head away from the podium back to Fives.

Oh, yeah. You’ve got him. 

He’s looking. He’s staring. His gaze has darkened, intensified. When his eyes roam down low and creep back up, you feel it like it’s his fingers on your skin. Your body warms under the stare, liquid heat pouring over you, pooling at the top of your thighs. Not wanting to seem too self-satisfied, you allow yourself a small, restrained smirk. A twitch of your eyebrow, just to gloat. Such a small gesture, but it lights a fire in Fives’ eyes. You’re enjoying the game, but you want to stretch it out, so you leave him hanging, and go back to listening to Captain Rex, your stylus working across your datapad, dutifully taking notes like you’d been paying attention the whole time.

You don’t let up on Fives, though. As his brothers each take their turn to answer questions from the cohort, you pull out every trick up your sleeve. Mussing your hair, adjusting your top. You swear you see his upper lip twitch into a growl when you shift your legs, gliding one foot up and down your calf. He has his arms folded now, the end of a thumb jammed into his mouth, chewing on the tip in a way that makes you hungry to replace that thumb with your lips. He makes no attempt to hide his want: he’s undressing you with his eyes, and you’re quickly getting drunk on the power. The killing blow comes when Fives has to wrench his attention from you long enough to take his turn at the stand. You can see him struggling to keep his focus on the rest of the lecture hall and away from you. At first, you feign innocence, letting up the act for a few short minutes, playing nice, giving him a reprieve. And in truth, it’s not hard to actually stop and listen to his words: he speaks with confidence, cracks a few corny but endearing jokes, and answers the audience’s questions with a thoughtfulness and insight that catches you off guard. Shit, you think, swallowing down the flutter in your chest, he might have the edge on you. 

But in the end, he will get no mercy from you. The third time he gives in and glances in your direction, he finds you with your stylus poised at the corner of your mouth. Your pulse throbbing, you grind your thighs together, making a show of it. Your tongue darts out for just a moment and, soft and delicate, you press the stylus past your lips, teasing the tip. The effect is instant. Fives chokes on his last word, stifling a groan that quickly turns into a string of coughs. His eyes are blown wide, his cheeks several shades darker as he tries to regain his composure and remember what he had been saying. 

You win.

You back off for the rest of the lecture, content to enjoy the feeling of his eyes on you and the playful glances you exchange from the moment he leaves the podium. He takes your little trick in stride, and even gives back what he gets, a sway in his hips as he walks back to rejoin the other clones, taking it slow to give you ample time to enjoy the view from behind. All too quickly, though, the talk ends, and so does your fun. You shoot Fives one last wink as he and his brothers leave the hall, and he fixes you with a cutting smile that’s equal parts charming and dangerous. You gather your things and leave with the other students, with full intention of returning to your apartment to take care of the ache between your legs alone. The memory of Fives’ gaze lingers on your skin, drawing an involuntary shudder. 

The train home is going to be torture.

But you don’t make it to the station. You don’t even make it off campus. You’re rounding the corner away from the lecture hall when you hear him. He clears his throat, and your nerves thrill when you turn to see Fives leaning heavy against the wall, one hand propped on the inviting curve of his hip. The pathway he stands in is seldom-used, small and quiet, and the shadows from the towering buildings throw his face into shadow. His voice is pitched low when he speaks, thick and sweet, dripping like syrup.

“Quite a show you just put on,” he purrs, and the words go straight to your cunt. “What’s your name, gorgeous?” You give him your answer, careful to keep your voice in check while the rest of you quivers with anticipation. Fives repeats it, the sound rolling heavily off his tongue.

“Thought this gig was going to be boring,” he muses, “you certainly proved me wrong. Thought it would only be polite to return the favour. Show my… appreciation?”

The curling grin on your face is all the answer he needs: a thick hand on your waist pulls you into the alleyway, cold brick at your back and hot breath on your neck. You’re trapped in an instant, bracketed by his arms on either side. His lips hover an agonising inch from your skin, sparks of honey-sweet electricity dancing along your shoulders and down your spine.

His body is still angled away from yours, yet the tiny, twitching roll of his hips draws an answering thrust from you all the same. The lack of friction tears a tiny groan of frustration from your throat before you can stop it, and Fives’ chest rumbles with his answering chuckle. The end of your rope dangles so close. It would be so easy to just give in and let him win. Your defences weaken further when the warmth against your throat sharpens, searing breath giving way to the scorching wet heat of his lips at the top of your jaw. The dizzying thrill of finally feeling him against you is what gives you the strength to regain control. A firm hand at his cheek shifts his mouth away from your ear and onto your lips, kissing him hard and merciless. He moans when your fingers dip low to scratch teasingly through his goatee, and the sound sets your every nerve singing symphonies. In an instant you know you’d do anything to hear that sound again, to feel the high of him melting under your touch. With dwindling patience you reach out, grabbing at the belt of his armour and trying to pull him flush against you. He resists, breaking your kiss just barely and tutting against your lips.

“No need to rush, mesh’la,” he taunts, settling a warm, gloved hand on the swell of your hip. He’s firm but gentle, coaxing you back into the wall with just enough pressure to tease you. You recognise the Mando’a, though you can’t quite place its meaning. You find you don’t much care- not when Fives is kneading at your waist and mouthing at your collarbone. 

“We’ve got plenty of time Besides…” With one fluid movement, he forces your legs apart, pressing one thick thigh between your own. It's your turn to moan, trying to shift your hips, though Fives' grip keeps you maddeningly still. ”You gave me a whole lot of grief back there. I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

You swallow thickly, the shifting column of your throat catching against Fives’ teeth and making you gasp. This one might be harder to win than you thought. A devilish grin slides onto your lips.

You still won’t go down without a fight.

#fives x reader #fives x you #clone thirsting #clone thots #sw tcw fanfic #arc trooper fives #x reader #reader insert #sw tcw #drabble #fem reader #fives smut

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

Gonta Character Thoughts

Someone asked me earlier today for some Gonta writing tips, and while I don't know fully how useful this wall of text is for that, it let me talk about Gonta as a character and about his motivations that I think some folks might appreciate either as people who like him or people who want to understand better why I'm so insane about him. It was also really fun to pull together my thoughts on him so I wanted to share!!

The main thing for me is that Gonta is pretty confident with himself when it comes to any situation that requires physical might. When it comes to lifting heavy things or fighting for his friends, Gonta is at ease and doesn't need to hesitate to consider if he Can do the thing. On the other hand, where he's a bit more nervous or hesitant is social situations. He's unfamiliar with and misses a lot of social cues and ends up stumbling and hesitant in situations he's never been in before (like class trials at the beginning of v3). In these situations he might look to follow someone's lead or even directly ask for help.

On the topic of familiarity, Gonta is also very well versed in knowledge related to bugs and survival, as well as nature, especially in the forest where he grew up. He is not very familiar with a lot of things other characters would take for granted as common knowledge (like computers, if its relevant at all he probably doesn't know much kanji). Gonta isn't Dumb but he is missing a cultural baseline for a lot of references and info that makes him struggle where other characters will have no issues.

Gonta's convinced that he's stupid because he lacks this baseline, and because of the reinforcement and teasing by those around him. He has pretty severe self-esteem problems, and he's convinced that all he's good for is his physical strength, as that's all people seem to value him for anyways. This led to a pretty bad complex during the killing game where he blamed himself for every single death ("if gonta could have just protected them this would have never happened. its all gonta's fault") which only got worse and worse. He's desperate to help out and be useful to the group so will go along with a lot if he thinks there's a chance he will be able to help. This is a major driving force for his character, especially in chapter 4.

Gonta is probably good with fine detail work (as he has to be to work with and mount bugs) but also will forget his strength if he gets excited or otherwise forgets himself. Very polite things like holding the door open for someone or offering to take someone's hand to help them down the stairs, or other things like that that aren't necessarily expected in every day life but definitely are of a stereotypical gentleman, Gonta will do whenever he can, but it's a very intentional thing. He might hesitate, remember he should be doing that, then go for it, which can end up a bit awkward. Gonta is very kindhearted by nature, so that will often come through even if he is a bit awkward about being gentleman-level polite. He's trying his best though.

Gonta is also very openly expressive. He can't hide or suppress his emotions very well most of the time, which means he emotes A Lot. He cries more easily than the other boys in v3, or really any of the characters in the v3 cast, and definitely cries more loudly and openly. But on the other hand, when he's happy, he glows.

The one emotion he tries his best to control is anger. A lot of Gonta's social isolation before he got lost (and even after tbh) came from the fact that he was bigger than the other kids and his neutral expression can be a bit intense/scary. He's not hotheaded in the way Kaito might be, but he's very careful with his words and himself when he's upset in this way.

Gonta will also make that intense expression where he grits his teeth and Looks angry when he's stressed or hurt. This can freak out his classmates to the point that he accidentally pushes them away when he needs their reassurance the most. (see: when you talk to gonta during the ch4 investigation, when he's freaking out about not being able to remember what happened and feeling useless, he makes this expression and Kaito gets scared.)

I need to stress though that Gonta is NOT aggressive. Almost every time in game where he considers physical violence as an option, he thinks through it carefully before acting (Defending Kaede before her execution, challenging Monokuma in ch4 before being talked down). A notable exception to this might be kidnapping people for the insect meet and greet, but that was less aggression and more Gonta being in a heightened state of emotion (convinced that everyone hates bugs, which upset him) so forgetting his strength.

Also, it's important to note that Gonta IS sometimes able to hide his emotions and tell lies, but it has to be very intentional and planned ahead of time. He can't suppress his tears at the loss of a classmate, and he can't lie easily (See trial 1 and 2 where Gonta very simply says that yeah he totally could have thrown the shotput ball or tossed ryoma into the tank /physically/, even though admitting this puts a target on his back). However, he was able to hide the truth of the outside world and the fact that he was likely experiencing some really intense emotions at the time from his friends as he and Kokichi executed their plan. Of course, the fact that they were virtual world avatars helps, but its not everything. I think he just has to plan to lie or prepare himself to put on a front in advance.

I know this is super long so just one last thing: Gonta will take a Lot of verbal abuse and teasing if it goes along with his already poor self image. Other characters will call him an idiot and he doesn't even bat an eye because he's convinced of the fact himself. That's why when Kiibo played back the audio recording of Kokichi during the Insect Meet n Greet the part that upset Gonta the most wasn't Kokichi calling him "simple-minded," but instead Kokichi saying that he didn't actually like bugs. He will stand up for himself (carefully, as he always acts when he's angry-upset) if other lines are crossed, though. Like in Ch2 when Kokichi says if Gonta keeps falling for his lies he will end up a victim of the killing game, to which Gonta says something like "Don't say that Kokichi, not even as joke."

I have more I could get into but that teeters more into personal headcanon territory on his friendships and backstory, so I'll hold off. but MAN I love Gonta and I love how genuinely deep his character goes. Its a shame so few people really get into his character beyond "sunshiney bug "himbo" ", there's a lot here that's fun to play with.

#gonta gokuhara #danganronpa v3 #drv3 spoilers #shut up me #long post #READ MY POST BOY

[transformation4life]

Hey bro, I'm back. Cosplay with the bulk and mask is doing great! People are eating that uniqueness! Problem though, I'm a bit too nerdy for their tastes. They didn't like my gaming posts. Think you can add in my history that I'm a big jock too? I need the experience. I don't mind my brain shrinking.

Continuation of:

A rewriting of your history huh... Let's see where you last left you off.

Yea... unfortunately someone as big and bulky as you just doesn't fit gaming NERD. Sure you got the bod of a lifetime but not a single change in your personality let alone your past. Subby furries been asking you for fun in DM's but you're still as shy before so you have to turn them and they think you're homophobic! You've been going to the gym to maintain your new body and got yourself some gymbro friends but unlike them you've never participated in sports in your life so you have to nod and smile when they start talking football. Your social media presence is all sorts of wack too with your fans demanding to post thirst traps and flexing pics but you just keep posting gaming clips since you don't want to make your only thing on the online world being a beefy meathead that only cares about their bod. It was all piling up and wish you could just change your past to fit the body you wished for...

Well that's where I come in and help you once more! You hear a knock on your home door and you went to check who was there. No one was there but you saw something on the ground so you opened the door to find a strange device and a note on the ground.

Hey Dude!

Heard the beef life was getting hard with no change of memories or life so I thought I'd help out. What you see is a Reality Augmentation Device! Just say what you want and reality will change to suit your desires.

It's one use only so no going back!

Choose wisely,

-Tf4life

Reality Augmentation Device? You'd think I was crazy if I didn't give you the bod you currently possess so you trusted my judgement.

The device was a sphere shape and had a screen for soundwaves and a singular button. Looks like you press the button, say what you want and reality will change. So much power in such a small device. Well with a bit of hesitancy you press the button and say your wish.

"I wish my life would fit my body" And then you let go of the button. Immediately after you let go the device warped itself out of reality and you suddenly passed out. Your past would now change.

The changes begin in middle school. Instead of staying reserved and quiet you LOVED to act out much to the dismay of your teachers. You adored sports, especially football which ended up with you on your middle school football team as the star player. You eventually got a ton of friends that were just like you. You were known as the school troublemakers and sports buffs. You didn't learn a damn thing the whole time you were there.

Come High School you continued this attitude fully becoming a typical jock with the friends to match. This is when you began to work out almost every single day leading to that hot bod of yours. Your bros were your everything... your... everything. You realized you were gay. Any who you of course joined your High School Football team and once again was the star player. The whole school loved you for constantly bringing home trophies. Your grades took an even bigger decline than what was even possible. You were already a major meathead with the only thoughts being sports workout and hanging out with bros. It's a miracle you didn't get expelled but the fame and trophies was what allowed you to stay. You graduated with multiple sports related schools BEGGING to have you and despite that meathead brain of yours you eventually picked a college to attend.

College was more about working out than actually attending classes. When you did attend classes it was an excuse to be the meathead jock to ever meathead jock. Luckily this was a sports college so all that mattered was your ability on the field. You still had your craft in football and landed your college football team multiple trophies and eventually graduating with a "Degree in Jock" the person who handed you the degree at graduation joked. Which might I add you were completely shirtless during graduation? Yeah.

Brimming with jock confidence you got tattoos on your arms and started posting your workout journey onto social media and to say people were interested would be an understatement. Thirst trap comments would pour in on every single post just look at the ones with this selfie!

"Big~~"

"You're so lovely~"

"Daddyyyyy"

"I want you"

These were a common occurrence and you loved all of it. You were able to stay in contact with your gymbros even after school and hung out almost every single day pumping iron with the bros. Talking about sports was a nonissue as you knew every single football term under the sun. You will willing to help your bros if they had a hard time lifting something.

"Just like that bro..." You whisper to him.

And there's still more! Hanging out with gymbros means bouncing those meat mounds with your gymbros.

And maybe a flex or two...

And that leads back to the new present. Despite all the changes to your past there was still one thing that stayed. Your love of masks. You would sometimes wear your wolf bone mask and black balaclava to workouts and your bros found it very amusing.

Those same subby furries that wanted a strong werewolf to dominate them you were too shy to reply to in your old past was now in your bed being fucked silly by you in a wolfmask. Safe to say your entire social media presence WAS being a meathead jock and you owned it.

"Video games? Never heard of it. I got GAINMES right here" You said to one your gymbros once at the gym with a flex.

With all that in mind and your past altered you woke up from your impromptu nap wondering why you were on the ground in front of your house. The meathead jock in you just brushed it off before you remembered something.

"Oh right, gotta go work out with my bros!" Immediately running back inside to get ready to workout like you have been for multiple years.

You loved working out with your bros they were your everything to you and you couldn't be happier. The shy nerdy you was long gone and your life finally fit your body. And to make sure of that you posted another post-workout selfie to your social medias.

" Gains 💪💪💪💪"

#mind change #reality change #male tf #muscle tf #dumbing down

[bunni-v1]

Oh, I would LOVE to hear more about your college au!!

I feel like a lot of folks just age them up and call it a day, but I love when I run into people really detail their own au out. One thing I loved that I ran into once was the idea that each dorm was divided into majors - and that's part of your sorting. Pomefiore being Theater Arts (Epel, farm boy going to college to improve and modernize his town agriculture, is just extra horrified lol) though I figure they could probably pick their own minor.

Anyway, I adore hearing details!

TWST College AU (First Years!!!)

🍓Hiiiiii! Thank you for asking! I figured I'd just answer this informally since it shouldn't take too long! (And, to be honest, I don't feel like writing a bunch of headcannons for the entire cast :/)

I really like the idea of the dorms being sorted by major, but uhm... I see Ace as a Film major and Riddle as a Med School student so... that wouldn't really work for me?

The basic idea IS to age them up because I am a college student and I want to write about college students -- plus, the twst campus is set up A LOT like a college already, so I always felt weird that it was a high school? Even when I was still a high schooler playing the game, it never felt like a high school, so obviously I decided to just... change it because that's what fanfic is for.

I also didn't want to just... make them all 18. Like... consistency is important people! Leona is 24 now, sorry girlies <3

So I've talked about the age differences and explained Ortho and all that in my rules (read them please :3). I also mentioned that they act differently! The first years won't change too much, because they are still NEW college students, but they respond to things with more maturity than they would if they were just 15/16 year olds. Because... of course, they would. (I would hope 18-year-olds would be a little more mature.)

But I didn't talk about the structures that I changed, mostly based on my own schedule. I'm only gonna use the first years as examples so please forgive me for ignoring your faves <3

So, the first thing I changed is there is no homeroom teacher because we don't have homeroom teachers in college! So, students have multiple different classes throughout the day.

Let's take our little film major Ace, shall we? Ace's first class of the day is a 'core' class, which is the class he has with Yuu and Deuce. It's a basic magic history course that's required for everyone to take, and it's mostly filled with other first-years. Jack, Epel, and Sebek are all in the class too! This class happens three times a week, MWF. He has three other classes, two of which are major-related and one of which is another core magic class.

Each student has their own specific schedule, and they sometimes overlap with each other. This includes first, second, and third years. To give you a little example: Epel and Ruggie take a course on magic plants together!

Many of the courses at NRC have magic at their core -- because it's a magic school -- but their students are free to study whatever they please! That's why Ace is a film major because he wants to be. He cannot, however, pick what kind of magic he gets to study.

Because, of course, the kind of magic you study is based on the dorm you are sorted into. Students have to take at least four classes to do with their dorm's magic type to graduate. It's harder for some students and easier for others.

Epel, of course, hates Pomefiore because he HATES potion-making. He is also surrounded by many theatre majors because... well... just because your dorm doesn't decide your major doesn't stop the same types of people from gathering in one place.

Each dorm has a stereotypical major type associated with it. Many students in Octinivelle are business majors, Pomefiore is performing arts, Savanahclaw is the fitness kids, etc.

So, with all that out of the way, I want to go through the core cast of first years. Namely, their majors and the way I've tweaked their personalities.

Ace: As I mentioned, he's a film major! He loves movies, and he's such a geek about them, so he thought 'Why not!' To be specific, he wants to go into film writing, but he's not dedicated himself to it yet. He's still got four years ahead of him, so he doesn't have to worry about it too hard. Ace is a LOT more chill as a college student. He still teases his friends and he's STILL a huge dickhead, but he knows when he fucked up and needs to apologize. He's more willing to just back off when he needs to and accept his faults as his own, unlike highschool Ace in game. He's still got a firey personality and will stand up to authority, so at his core, he's still the same Ace, just a bit more chilled out.

Deuce: Is a first-generation college student, so he feels like he's got a lot riding on his back. He went into business, mostly because he felt like he HAD to if he wanted a good life for himself. However, he dabbles in a lot of stuff. He constantly does a ton of extracurriculars and is curious about all the courses at NRC. This Deuce is more self-assured than he usually is. He's confident in what he feels he wants/needs, even if it ISN'T what he wants/needs. He, however, still is not great at managing his anger. He still has really big outbursts when he's been upset by something, but he tries his best to keep a cool head and ALWAYS apologizes afterward to his friends.

Jack: You guys are just gonna have to trust me on this one. Jack is majoring in kinesiology with a minor in physical education. He wants to be a personal trainer/occupational therapist! In my opinion, Jack stays the MOST consistent among the first years. He's still pretty strong in his sense of justice, and he's reliable and generally pretty nice. The only thing I could really see changing is that he's a bit more approachable and he's more willing to talk to his fellow students.

Epel: POOR EPEL LMAO. He's an agricultural major, specifically in Agribusiness so he can help his family farm grow more, because he loves his granny so much. He also minors in Agricultural magic -- so, learning about how magic can be used to cultivate plants and the like. Imagine his surprise when he's shoved into the "performing arts" dorm. Epel has more come into his own as a college student. He'd be less pissy about his more feminine looks, though he still tries his best to appear more masculine. He's more willing to bite back at Vil than normal as well because he's an adult now and he doesn't wanna be pushed around.

Ortho: Kid genius! He's a robot, so of course he's a kid genius. Ortho is the only member of the cast who is still under 18 (he's 16 years old and in college!) He majors in computer science, specifically robotics -- he likes to understand how he works lol. BUT, he's an anthropology minor! He likes learning about humans too! He's still very much adoring of his brother, but he has a personality outside of that lol. He's sassy and witty, and really sociable! I'd go so far as to say he's popular around campus, especially since he involves himself in a bunch of different activities.

Sebek: Sebek majors in Magical Studies! It's a general major that can be filtered down into multiple different specific majors, but as for now, he's just Magic Studies generally. Sebek is... an oddball... even still in college. His love for Malleus has never gone away, nor has his dedication. He's like the kid you meet who never really grew up past their freshman year -- mostly because they were never really exposed to ideas outside of what they know. College would have him on edge because A LOT of it is just questioning what he knows, and he's not handling it well. I would say he's probably more awkward than anything. Not as in him making others uncomfortable with his weird behaviors, but him making HIMSELF uncomfortable because of it lol. (He still needs to grow a lot!)

That's all I can think of though! Thank you for asking, I loveeeeeeee questions!!

#bunni babbles 🍓 #twst #bunni's treats 🧁 #twisted wonderland #ace trappola #deuce spade #sebek zigvolt #ortho shroud #epel felmier #jack howl

[bluerose5]

Zevran & Astarion Banter Pt. 21/?

A longer post, but these two could have some deep conversations once they open up to each other. Can't convince me otherwise.

[First] [Prev] [Next]

...

Astarion: You mentioned before that you are "Dalish", something similar to the wood elves here, correct?

Zevran: Hmm... I technically am in some people's eyes, I suppose, but I personally see myself as Antivan first and foremost. My mother was one of the Dalish, but I grew up in the city. I know very little of their ways, even after the time I spent with one of their clans.

Astarion: And how did that go?

Zevran: About as well as one would expect. I figured out quickly that such a life was not for me, hence why I do not relate to them all that much. In their eyes, of course, that is a failure on my part.

Astarion: I'm... sorry to hear that.

Zevran: I'm not. Perhaps I feel some sort of distant connection to them, enough to come to their aid should they need it, but I hardly feel as if I belong with them. You know?

Astarion: Given how different our worlds are, I won't claim to know the feeling, but I can certainly try to imagine it. You said that much of the elves' history and culture is lost to them?

Zevran: Ah, yes, it is not like here, my friend. In Thedas, the majority of elves are little more than second class citizens, most of them living in slums.

Astarion: Oh, uh, how charming.

Zevran: No need to walk on eggshells about it. Every place has its downsides, some more than others. If anything, I believe the elves of Thedas are more than capable of taking back what is owed to them if they put their minds to it. "Will they?" is another matter entirely.

Zevran: ...

Zevran: May I ask, what brought on this line of questioning?

Astarion: *shrugs* I don't know. I was just thinking about how our "common tongue" is not that different from yours, frighteningly so. You have adapted well to our variation, though.

Zevran: Why, thank you, but I assume this is leading somewhere.

Astarion: Well, I was just curious about how your Elven —or Elvish, I suppose— compares to ours. Or is that, too, lost to the elves of Thedas?

Zevran: Most of it is from what I understand, yes, although the Dalish try to preserve the old ways more than others. I happen to recall enough phrases from my time with them to know that, compared to what I hear from you and Shadowheart, ours is definitely different.

Astarion: Interesting. Would it be too much trouble to ask to hear a little of it?

Zevran: No trouble at all, my dear! Although, I must warn you. I am a bit rusty. It does not come as easy to me as my native tongue.

Astarion: Please, with a tongue as talented as yours, I think you can manage.

Zevran: Ha! When you put like that...

[Zevran looks up and meets Astarion's eyes. His expression softens at the joy he finds there.]

Zevran: I— Ar lath ma, vhenan.

Astarion: ... And that means?

Zevran: That you look stunning tonight.

Astarion: Now, why don't I believe you?

Zevran: Easy, because I'm lying, but it's a mystery for you to uncover in time.

Astarion: Heh, you tease.

#baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #dragon age #dao #astarion ancunin #astarion #zevran arainai #zevran #zevstarion #crossover #bluerose writes

[wof-reworked]

whats ur opinion on dragons having different houses bc of class or tribe? i love dragon architecture </3

I'm such a fan of dragon architecture oh my god. One of my biggest worldbuilding gripes (besides the lack of clarity around food/cooking) is that the actual housing arrangements of the dragons are so vague????? Like towns are a thing but also Tui seems to imply most dragons sleep in caves even though it makes no sense for any of the other tribes???? like ma'am most of your dragons live in swamps, jungles, or deserts where the hell are they even finding them

Basically, we have functionally no point of reference for anyone who isn't royalty (Winter, Turtle) or grew up in such specific circumstances that don't reflect back onto broader dragon society to the point where their input is rather moot (Moon, the DoD, Peril, Qibli). Qibli is the closest thing we have but the Scorpion Den is a combination of a shanty town and refugee camp that makes it harder to draw conclusions for the rest of the population. (We're also not counting Darkstalker bc. well. 2000 years)

For my writing, my stance is usually that dragons are primarily nomadic. Dragons who live in/around towns stay there primarily for reasons like child-raising, business, injury, apprenticeships, or just laying low/blending into a crowd. Like with how dragons don't need to cook their food to eat it, dragons are not dependent on housing and are able to comfortably sleep and live outside (barring extremes such as the central desert or really the entire Ice Kingdom). So, the exact permanence of a dragon's stay in town is situational and tribe/job-dependent more than anything else.

As far as the tribes go, Icewings and Nightwings are the most home/town oriented tribes- both tribes have the rarest approach to housing in that almost all members of both tribes live and sleep primarily in one home location that they return to for the majority of their life. For Icewings, this usually looks like multi-generational families that split off into new homes/houses only once there's a real need for it. On the other hand, Nightwings living on the volcano lived primarily together in caves/dormitories divided by age- even though this no longer exists, most Nightwing towns and houses involve many shared buildings and resemble something more like tight clumps of houses or caves.

For the majority of the tribes (Skywings, Sandwings, Mudwings, Rainwings), most dragons will have multiple houses that they move between as needed or wanted. While outliers exist, most dragons have at minimum two homes/dens: one in a more populated area that might operate as a job homebase or a place to receive guests, and a more isolated, private home that exists for the dragon in question to stash any items of importance or valuables, as well as eat and sleep. For more nomadic dragons, banks exist in towns to hold treasure, freeing up their secondary/non-work den to be little more than a shack or burrow with sleeping arrangements. More houses usually equals more money/class power, up to a certain point, where you start to see buildings more akin to Vulture's mansion or even the Royal Palaces, where one building or collection of buildings is large/grandiose enough to host other people's jobs and living spaces (on a related note, gardening is a very stereotypical high class hobby to have, as it shows both an abundance of leisure time and of space).

Between these tribes, Skywings are the most town and home oriented- Skywings often live primarily in towns and only leave for what is essentially a nesting den, as without rudimentary flight skills, Skywing towns are borderline unnavigable and occasionally hazardous for dragonets. Even with their relative isolation, nesting dens in the past have often been located near other nesting dens, creating something of a nesting village for Skywings parents to socialize and raise their hatchlings. Queen Scarlet's reign did irreparable damage to this style of collective child-rearing and nesting dens as a whole. With her breeding programs, most Skywings were forced into partnerships for the sole reason of producing more future Skywing soldiers, and the majority of eggs were instead stored in mass hatcheries until their hatching day.

On the other hand, Mudwings are the most isolated and nomadic, in part due to the structure of sib groups creating a situation where most Mudwings hatch into life with a social network already established. The Mud Kingdom is also temperate enough that housing isn't always necessary, and most Mudwings only congregate in towns for business or seeking a mate.

Finally, Seawings are almost entirely nomadic, and will usually move between a territory, with small dens and hoards scattered within. These territories can hold many multiple families, or they can exist for a single dragon- Seawing property laws are almost nonexistent and mostly maintained by honor and frequent patrolling of the territory to maintain order and mark it as lived space. These territories aren't uninhabited land either- Seawings will grow seaweed and herd schools of fish on their territory, and many take a certain landscaper-esque role, shaping the terrain into something aesthetically pleasing or useful to the inhabitant and helping signal to other Seawings that the land is occupied. One of the few times Seawings will settle in one den or space is for a hatching den- this lasts from the laying of the eggs until the hatchlings become able to swim well enough to keep up with their parents.

I've been pretty burnt out on WOF writing for a while, but this was honestly a refreshing change of pace from what I've been working on recently. Thanks for giving me an excuse to ramble about dragon housing !! I'd love to hear what other ppl think, the more headcanons the merrier :>

#wings of fire #wof #wof headcanon #wings of fire headcanon #wof hc #worldbuilding #my headcanons #mudwings wof #skywings wof #nightwings wof #sandwings wof #rainwings wof #icewings wof #I didn't talk abt rainwings bc we see how they mostly live but just know I think there are other rainwing towns #bc the idea that this entirely peaceful and unbothered tribe with abundant food is still small enough to fit into a village is insane

[bad268]

hi I was wondering if you could do a fluff w felipe, where reader is a 02 leclerc, and the whole grid knows that reader has a crush on felipe and felipe on the reader EXCEPT the leclerc boys. one day reader is rambling about school and felipe stares at her lips and eventually leading to kissing (maybe when they kiss you could add like the reader nervously pushing felipes face away w her palm bc she’s nervous, but they kiss) it’s ok if you don’t want to though

Why Are We Killing Clem? (Felipe Drugovich X Leclerc! Reader)

Fandom: RPF/Formula 1

Requested: Clearly (I loved this, I hope you do too <3) Also, yall please vote on this POV poll

Warnings: none.

POV: First Person (I/me)

W.C. 1003

Summary: Overprotective brothers and crushes aren't a good mix.

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

I am a pretty open book, any of my friends will tell you that. That’s not to say that subtle isn’t my middle name; it is and I can keep a secret when I need to. I just have nothing to hide.

So that might be a lie.

When you have three overprotective older brothers, it’s only normal to fib a little. Like if I had broken that plate or if I borrowed/stole a hoodie or if I liked anyone. Especially when it came to people I liked. Especially if that hypothetical person I liked was also a racing driver. Especially if that hypothetical person was a racing driver for another team. Especially if that hypothetical person was Felipe Drugovich.

Hence why I don’t say anything to them. I would never be allowed to go to a race again! If they knew that I had a crush on Felipe, I would never be allowed out of their sight on race weekends. As far as they are aware, he is just my best friend, and until I see a clear sign that he likes me back, it will stay that way.

I found out from a few of my F2 friends that they were heading to the next race early to hang out and party before getting back to work since there was a gap week, and it took a little (a lot) of begging before I was allowed to join them. Granted, I am old enough to make my own decisions, but I travel with Charles. It just seemed like the nice thing to do. 

During this week, I still had online classes, so I needed to work around my academic obligations when it came to having fun with my friends. One day, in particular, I had an essay to work on, so I brought my computer since the plan was to hang out at the hotel’s pool.

I sat off to the side, typing away while most of my friends played volleyball in the pool. I was not too far away, just enough so the water being splashed between teams would not destroy my laptop.

“Are you going to join the game?” A voice asked, causing me to look up and see Felipe standing beside me. He took a seat toward the end of the lounge chair I was on as he looked at my screen, seeing how far I was. He noticed I was not anywhere close to being done, but something caught his eye, so he asked about it. “What are you working on?”

“An essay for my English class,” I did not delve into it, thinking he would not care. “I decided to relate it to one of the topics in my major since we could choose the topic.”

“Is there a reason you’re being vague?” He joked, leaning forward to read a little bit of the paper. “I’m interested in what you’re doing.”

“You’re just saying that because you don't want to get in the water, and I’m the only one that’s sitting on the deck,” I chuckled nervously. Felipe and I were never this close when we were alone. Even if our friends were not that far away, they were too busy with the game to notice anything happening between us. “You don't have to pretend you’re interested in my academics.”

“Who said I was faking it?” He feigned hurt as he put a hand to his chest. “I’m offended you think so little of me.”

“You are the least offended person I know,” I laughed, setting my laptop aside. “You are the most laid-back, chill person ever. There is no way this offends you.”

“You always listen to me rant about racing. Maybe I want to hear you rant about your interests,” Felipe whispers. “You always give your opinions on the race or our strategies, but we never talk about what you like. Now, we have the chance, and I’m all yours.”

I don’t know if it was the general sincereness of someone being interested in my life or the fact that it was Felipe, but I started rambling. I explained the entire timeline of the topic I chose, going off on tangents as I did so, and throughout the entire spiel, he remained interested. He nodded along, and even provided his own input here and there but left most of the discussion up to me. He also helped me figure out a subtopic I could use for my paper. Maybe I really just needed to talk it out with someone, so I was super appreciative of him.

Felipe, on the other hand, found it endearing. He didn’t even think before he leaned forward, and in the middle of my sentence, he placed his lips on mine. At first, I froze and tried to push him away until I realized.

This is the guy I have been pinning after for who knows how long, and now, he is kissing me.

I moved my hands from his chest to wrap around his neck as I closed my eyes and kissed him back, leaning into his body. It was just like I thought it would be, fireworks exploding between us. It was just us, no one else.

“I’m telling Arthur!” That French fucker.

“Clem, I will kill you!” I shouted as I laughed in embarrassment, knowing that all of our friends just witnessed our first kiss. I leaned against Felipe’s shoulder as we both looked over at our friends who were mocking us until the sound of the pool gate distracted some of them.

“Why are we killing Clem?” A voice I immediately recognized as Arthur said as he walked through the gates to the pool area. My eyes grew wide as I jumped away from Felipe, but by then, I knew he already saw us. He looked confused as he came into my line of sight before pointing at us. “And why are you and Felipe so red? Don’t lie to us.”

“I am so dead.”

~~~~~

© BAD268 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

#felipe drugovich x reader #felipe drugovich #felipe x reader #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 #formula one #f1 #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #formula 2 x reader #formula 2 imagine #f2 x reader #f2 imagine #f2 #f2 fanfic #f1 fanfic #aston martin #aston martin f1 #leclerc! reader #bad268 #ship268 #thing268

[writtenbyaris]

my creative writing process as a planner 🌟

the idea:

story ideas come to me at the most random and inconvenient of times. right before i fall asleep, when i'm in the shower, during my classes, etcetera. my main rule is to always write them down, whether it's in my notes app or a slip of paper or a journal... i'll forget it if i don't.

i try keeping it simple at this stage and not thinking too deeply about it, otherwise it becomes quite overwhelming. sometimes ¡'ll make a pinterest board depending on what the idea is. if it's more of an aesthetic, then i can make a moodboard out of it to help inspire me more. however, if the idea is a plot of some sort, that can be a bit more difficult.

character and world building:

this is my favorite part. once i have an idea set in stone and i'm ready to work on it, i begin building the characters and the world around it. i figure out the mechanics of the idea and how it can relate to characters and the world they're in.

at this point, i'm definitely making pinterest boards, playlists, and picrews to feel more immersed in the skeleton of the story.

i still keep it as simple as possible, and try to enjoy it. when i try juggling too many things at once, i end up wanting to abandon the project. slow and steady is the key for me :)

creating the story:

now we get down to what being a writer actually is.. transforming the idea into a story. i have to at least come up with one major plotline to start. i usually write in my journal during this stage, but sometimes i'll use notion to organize everything and keep track of it all.

oftentimes, the main plot will come to me when i'm working on character and world building. sometimes it's even the idea that first popped into my head. the story is usually influenced by dreams i've had, my own every day experiences, and other media i consume.

arcs, subplots, themes, etc:

this stage is for the smaller details that are vital for the story to flow and actually work. it's like a puzzle that's finally coming together.

for me, a story isn't a good one without arcs and themes, so those are of utmost importance. subplots are necessary to make the world more immersive, give readers insight on the characters, and keep the story naturally flowing. everything has to be woven back in to the main plot or idea, though.

i will say, this is the stage that tends to give me the biggest headache :P

zero draft:

jumping into a first draft as a heavy planner is too scary for me. so i came up with the idea of a zero draft. basically- zero expectations.

this is the backbone of my story. in this stage, i'm basically just taking myself through the steps of the story. i organize the plot and subplots into chapters, and with each chapter i go through all the beats of each scene. literally every. single. thing. that happens.

i don't usually include dialogue in this phase, but i do mention when a character will be in a conversation. all the focus should be on putting a needle and thread through the story and tying it all together.

first draft:

the first draft is somewhat easier for me because i do a zero draft. so, i know everything that will happen in a chapter and just have to utilize my writing abilities to make it rhythmic.

this is the first stage where i write dialogue, so it tends to be corny. a lot of my writing can be cliche and basic as well. that's what editing is for though!

i usually stress the most when writing my first draft, because it's the first time the story is actually being written in the format of a novel. by the end, it's not always very good either. but i do not look back at all, which means absolutely no editing until the first draft is finished.

and so on…

once the first draft is finished, then comes draft two. it's enjoyable to be able to read your own work all over again, though it's sometimes embarrassing as writing does improve with practice.

i focus on one chapter at a time-reading slowly, editing, filling in plot holes, fixing anything that changed later in the story. i try to catch as many details as i can.

usually, after as many rounds of editing one likes, the draft would be sent to an editor and beta readers. then i'd look into publishing companies (can you tell i haven't gotten to that point yet? lol)

are you a planner or a pantser?

#writers on tumblr #writing #writeblr #writers and poets #literature #writerscommunity #storytelling #planner #pantser #writing process #my writing process #zero draft #first draft #writing tips #writing advice #author

[a-dinosaur-a-day]

Can you talk a little bit about how you became a paleontologist? (like school and stuff).

I went to college wanting to major in paleontology and everybody told me I could major in geology but that being a paleontologist just really wasn't possible.

I did major in geology/archaeology combo major (offered at my college, it's actually a BA, not a BS, which was disappointing), but it's not paleontology and i've been out of school for a awhile and i'm just really discouraged.

ugh welcome to my life. the reason my story is complicated is because of crap like that.

so, I'm going to get very, very, very real here. that means I'm going to reveal some personal details about myself. I'm okay with it. I want to share this. Content Warnings for Parental Abuse, Mental Illness, Physical Disability, and Trauma. Phew. Here we go.

first thing we have to acknowledge: I grew up poor. my mom was a stay at home mom because of mental illness (majorly agoraphobic and huge social anxiety, plus largely untreated OCD). my dad rarely held on a job for very long because of severe untreated ADHD. my parents' primary concern, at all times, was that their six kids (my mom loves kids) would have gainful, steady employment. they are communists, and it was always about how we can't help others effectively if we're not secure in the rest of our lives.

I wanted to be a paleontologist from the moment I could have such a want. But my parents never, never, thought that was a good idea. They wanted me to be a scientist, because they could see my potential, but they didn't think being a paleontologist was a safe career. And, to be fair, they had a point. But I didn't want to be anything else. In fact, the very idea would make me start sobbing. So while I was little, they didn't really do anything about it. Occasionally they planted seeds of "you might not be a paleontologist", but it never went well.

fast forward to me going to college. now they were serious. we were constantly fighting over whether I should be a paleontologist or a medical researcher (MDPhD. you know, the insane degree that insane people get.) (I'm insane, but not that way). because they were paying for, well, some of it (I got a lot of scholarships, b''h), and I was in general dependant on them like most college students are, they picked my classes. I was forced to major in biology (though I probably would have picked that anyway), and I never took any geology classes (well, I took half of one, but had to drop it because of my stupid premed classes).

I got to do paleontology research, but it was kind of in secret - I technically had two different research jobs, one in evolutionary biology, one in paleontology. I took tons of medical related classes, and was forced to take the MCAT twice. I wasn't good at it. Memorizing things isn't my forte, I'm much better at problem solving and finding/evaluating information. I also just wasn't interested in it - I can remember countless dinosaur genera, but ask me to remember really specific medical details and my mind draws a blank.

I did not do well on the MCAT, but I was still forced to apply to MDPhD programs. I also applied to evolutionary biology and paleontology PhD programs on my own. But paleontology is extremely competitive, and I didn't hear back from any of those. I also didn't get anywhere with any of those medical programs. In fact, I ended up getting accepted to a grad program for evolutionary developmental biology, because that was the only thing that had an opening. Rather than go home and be forced to apply to medical school again, I took the out.

I was miserable. But I tried to convince myself it was better this way. That I would have gainful employment, and be able to do science. Meanwhile, I was running this blog, building a community, and constantly thinking about paleontology instead of my actual thesis. Even though paleontology doesn't require field work, I'd convinced myself I could never do it because field work is inaccessible to me - I have had chronically dislocated knees since I was 16, and a few different physical conditions that make me exceptionally heat sensitive. I couldn't do field work, so I couldn't be a paleontologist. I also am fat, because of those disabilities, and there just aren't a lot of fat AFAB paleontologists, so I thought I wouldn't be able to get far for that reason.

But I couldn't finish that PhD. I didn't care enough about it, and I was constantly hitting roadblocks. I wanted the focus to be more evolution based, my advisor told me no. I wanted to pursue a specific question, my advisor advised against it. My wasps kept dying, and I didn't know why. I couldn't get my assays to work. My advisor was always focused on his other students and never me. It was a nightmare. All the while, my blog was exploding in popularity, and I was even going to paleontology conferences on my own dollar and networking there, presenting research about using the internet as an educational tool. And I felt at home. I was with *my people*.

Then the pandemic happened. I was already estranged from my parents for other reasons, that I'd rather not get into (no, it's not cause I'm queer). Everyone was frustrated with my lack of progress at my first program. My spouse, the infinite well of support that he is (url @plokool), gave me the push I needed to drop out with a master's degree (which I had earned at that point). I then was seriously considering becoming a rabbi, because I didn't think I could hack being a scientist at all after that experience.

But, everything felt wrong when I wasn't engaged with paleo. ADAD had gone on hiatus because my artists were persuing other opportunities (and I'm so proud of them!). I just felt empty and lost without paleontology in my life. So I went to the virtual SVP that was being held in 2020, since it was cheaper than usual and online.

And I met my current advisor. We clicked *right* away. We had the same questions about bird evolution and talked for hours. He encouraged me to apply, so I did - just for paleontology programs. I knew if I didn't do paleo, there wasn't a point. Nothing else would hold my interest enough for me to get a doctoral degree. I also talked to the wonderful friends I had made here on Palaeoblr, ones who were also actually pursuing paleo, and they promised me I could do it - that they believed in me. The one thing no one but my spouse had ever really indicated to me. It gave me the push I needed, and when I was accepted to this program, I took it. It also helped that I finally had working ADHD medication, for the first time in my life.

Even though it meant moving from Chicago - nice, at least sometimes chilly Chicago, my home for my whole life - to fucking southern new mexico. I am so hot. All the time now. My feet never return to their proper color. But it was worth the risk.

But I'm not doing field work! I've had to take a lot of remedial geology classes, but all my work has been computer and lab based. And I've done so much already! I've published a new bird, I've done excellent in my classes and teaching, and I'm currently compiling my own database of Paleogene bird fossils. Last year was a little rough because of trauma things, and the gd-damned adderall shortage, but I'm moving forward. I am hoping to go into museum work, because I love museums, and I believe in them and their ability to educate people (I also want to help the museum field decolonize itself, but that's a different discussion.) I've even made a design for an evolution of dinosaurs exhibit that my professor wants me to make into a real thing someday.

So... yeah. I became a paleontologist by being the world's most stubborn mother fucker alive. I decided I wanted to be as a kid, and I never could let it go, even when it would have been better for me to. But I'm glad I didn't, because now I'm here, and I'm doing well. When i can focus, at any rate. Because I'm only at peace when I'm around dinosaurs.

(P.S. I've even repaired my relationship with my parents, and they support me as a paleontologist now! just took 30 years for them to realize they couldn't fight me on this, I guess... or they're old and tired of fighting. one of the two.)

#about the blogger #extremely personal #long post #paleontologist #how to become a paleontologist #childhood trauma #controlling parents

[xxlovelynovaxx]

Honestly, I hate the term "puriteen".

There's a post that keeps going around from a religious trauma survivor about how they are in favor of calling fandom wank "purity culture", but also in favor of the word "puriteen", and I don't know how to tell you this, but you've fallen for basic generation gap type propaganda and more than that, for ageism.

Like, there are whole ass articles challenging the idea that it's all young people spreading purity culture bullshit. Even potentially a study, iirc, though I can't currently find it so take that with a grain of salt.

At least in the US, kids nationwide are challenging book bans, fighting the racism and queermisia that are in part driving them, and saying basically "hey, y'all adults know we can tell the difference between fiction and reality, and that we don't think bad stuff is okay just because it happens in fiction but that also doesn't make the fiction bad, right?"

Like, have you examined your own harmful biases? Because yeah, there are some young people who have some of the worst, absolutely christofascist-informed ideas about fiction. There's also plenty of older people, 30, 40, 50 year olds and older, saying this shit. But, get this, only discourse skews young because internet usage skews young. Have you bothered to look at how many young people actually agree with you? With how many MORE of them are on your side than not?

Have you bothered to look at just how many older people, online and offline, hold these ideas? At the ages of the dozen people actually driving most book bans across the country? At how it's moms for liberty and similar organizations doing the harm? About how saying it's "for the kids" doesn't mean it's "by the kids"?

At how book bannings targeting children are actually yet another form that oppression of youth takes?

Like, this is not some statistical trend you can point to. Blaming kids is entirely based on anecdata - and it's blaming them for something that negatively affects them first and hardest.

You saw a couple of teens who had arguably been groomed into a dangerous puritan ideology by adults who may have also sexually harassed them (especially by distributing both fictional nsfw materials and sometimes even actual genuine CSEM) and decided that this is something related to their age and not, y'know, their status as a vulnerable marginalized class, nevermind something that is nowhere near universal.

You ignored the majority of actual minors saying "yeah no they don't speak for us" in favor of the idea that teens are irrational and basically "stupid" until they reach a certain age, as if this is related to age at all. You ignored the many people your own age and older doing this shit. You ignored how it wasn't even your own age that informed your own opinions, except perhaps to the extent that having what media you could access severely restricted as a child may have limited your ability to form opinions on the media you couldn't access.

I grew up in a culturally christian agnostic household. My trauma is only religious-adjacent, but it was informed by the same kind of purity culture driven by christofascism.

I didn't learn what sex was until 8th grade health class. I wasn't allowed to read books with sexual material in them until well into high school, and even then was discouraged from doing so if it didn't "contribute to the plot". I was shamed for masturbating as an adult living at home (because my mother refused to knock or let me get a door that locked), was told people into BDSM are dangerous, and routinely had my main kink that my mom knew about (piss) treated as essentially a dangerous and harmful mental illness.

My mother repeatedly encouraged me to come to her to discuss anything sexual growing up, and praised me and told me other kids would have hidden it from their parents and she was glad I was such a good kid who didn't keep secrets, and then used it all against me. She tried, pretty hard, to indoctrinate me into purity culture, and yet from the moment I was actually allowed access to social media at 18 and could seek out different viewpoints, I started to realize how very bullshit that all was.

It took a little bit of extra time to interrogate ideas surrounding kinks like cgl, abdl, and general nsfw agere, just because I saw anti-kink messaging around those first, but funny enough the very first counterargument I actually saw convinced me of how bs the anti-kink stuff was with that too.

Like, I don't know how else to explain that a small minority of kids being indoctrinated by a high-control group is not in fact indicative of what most kids believe or that age is a factor in an ideology held as much if not more by adults than kids. And that for the few that are being recruited into these groups in which there is no accountability and concrete evidence of actual predators growing unchallenged, perhaps a sneering insult and blame is not in fact the way to treat people who are more victims of purity culture than you will ever be.

(Also, do you care more about being "right", or effective praxis? Because even in the case of true malicious actors, you should in fact care about not reinforcing the control of the abusive group that meets many criteria of the bite model by proving that said group are the "only" safe people who "respect" them, and that everyone else will insult them for their immutable identity. It's the same reason you don't mistreat the mormons and Jehovah's witnesses that knock on your door, because you are literally doing the cult's work for them if you do.)

You should also care about interrogating your own ageism instead of going "no, that's not bigoted because children are really like that!!1". Fun fact, that's just as bigoted as if the word "children" was replaced with any other marginalized group. Your own ignorance and biases about children being irrational and unintelligent are not actually the "facts" you think they are.

The word "puriteen" is as useless as it is inaccurate. Most kids aren't actually for purity culture. Plenty of adults are for it. Acting like this is about age because of some bullshit pseudoscience about "brains that aren't fully developed" (brains never stop developing and the cut-off of 25 that's often cited and more often internalized was based on a study that didn't actually examine people OVER 25) or because kids are all "irrational" and "unable to think critically" and just "like that" shows me you've never once actually spoken to the vast majority of kids.

I have trauma from purity culture that's heavily adjacent to religious trauma, and we should retire "puriteen" forever.

Bigotry is never justified. Not to fight purity culture, not to fight other bigotry. If you are handwaving this as hysterical or ridiculous or over-the-top accusations, or that they prove you right about teens:

1. You're part of the problem. Convincing people that a marginalized group and their allies' accusations of bigotry are bullshit or crazy or overblown is foundational to the perpetuity of the marginalized group's oppression.

2. If you need to hear it from an ally and not a kid, I'm turning 27 next month.

3. Not wanting to examine your own discomfort around being called out for your bigotry and the ways you justify it, is a you problem.

If you are marginalized yourself in any way, unless you are somehow privileged enough that you've never experienced this, you should know EXACTLY how shitty it feels to call out bigotry and have people (who are often not marginalized in that way) laugh in your face and call you insane for daring to suggest they could be bigoted by doing [actively and glaringly bigoted thing].

If you've never had this happen, because you've only called out types of bigotry that most people recognize as such to people willing to listen, you may also need to examine your own internalized bigotry against your own identity. You may have done this to people in your own community who were brave enough to call out forms of bigotry that are less recognized and whose accusations were more ridiculed. You may be accepting mistreatment of yourself and your community because you're too scared of backlash to call it out, or even think you deserve it, and that's... not good.

#discourse #youth liberation #ageism #childism #adultism #fandom wank #shipcourse

[lurking-latinist]

re: these tags

THAT'S SO COOL AHHHH!! good for you aubreyad community stays winning

[introducing this with a disclaimer in case i'm wrong about everything: i am only halfway through the series rn (just about to finish 10) and also am but a mere undergrad classics major who has yet to even declare said major and I probably don't have the right to be yapping about propertius. nevertheless i shall.]

anyway i have been growing persistently more insane about diana's proximity to a Lot of classical imagery, like how her first appearance in post captain is literally during a fox hunt + all the gender stuff she has going, obviously linking her to mythological diana (and artemis if we're going to conflate the two) but your take has sent me in a whole new direction with that-- because she doesn't actually really embody the artemis archetype all too much overall (an emphasized character trait being that she's notably Not Chaste) EXCEPT in relation to stephen, w/ whom her relationship is much more brotherly than it is sensual i guess?

which would align very well with your idea of diana as elegiac puella-- sort of in a way being mythologized by stephen-- resulting in the reader actually being able to see two different manifestations of her character (one through the eyes of an omniscient prosaic narrator and one through the perspective of stephen as a "poet" figure). and i just think that's neat.

my latin class has also been looking at a few of propertius' love elegies and, at least to me, they read a lot like if stephen 1.) hated himself significantly less and 2.) were less indecisive in writing about his Feelings?? 1.8 (and all of the poems concerning cynthia moving/traveling away and propertius being all moody about it) is very reminiscent of the arc from post captain to the surgeon's mate imo. 1.12 is also Literally Him-- "cynthia prima fuit cynthia finis erit" can be compared to stephen's poetic catastrophizing about how his life is Literally Over and Love Is Dead when he believes to have fallen out of love with diana!?!? i'm going to lose my mind.

sorry for dumping all of this on you unprompted and also sorry for the fact that it probably does not make sense. peace and love

if undergrad classicists don't talk about propertius literally WHO WILL. (genuinely my currently-being-written phd dissertation chapter is based on an idea I had in the class I read propertius in freshman year. never feel like you're not a 'real scholar' or something yet, because you honestly never do become something different, you just keep reading and talking and this is what we do! there's nothing realer than this!)

oh wow that's really well put--we kind of get to see her from an omniscient-narrator perspective and through the eyes of her lover who is Not Being Normal About Her. very nice!

yeah I keep reading bits of propertius and being like "hmm is po'b going to quote this one I wonder." (he doesn't mostly but I keep thinking he should. because I want the aubreyad to be denser and less accessible I guess? :P) there's a lot of catullus woven in too of course - I associate Catullus 72 with the 'falling out of love' arc (my dude that is not what falling out of love looks like).

oh gosh yes 1.8 -- that was one of the things I was trying to describe to Distinguished Classicist, the way she's so -- what's the word I want? not volatile... she disappears. she's constantly Gone. you turn around and oops, she's eloped to Sweden. (honestly though if Cynthia and Propertius could manage to have *fake* revenge affairs that would actually be *great*, for them that would be an improvement.) Gareth Williams (in a chapter called, amazingly, "From Grave to Rave") describes Cynthia as "ever only elusively visible in the narratological mist" and I feel like that's a bit what's going on with Diana. For her there's a genre element as well--she's a woman in the Men Going to Sea books, and even though the Aubreyad gives way more time to women than the average Men Going to Sea book, the fact is the camera frequently simply isn't on her. We see far more of Stephen thinking about her, hearing rumors, etc. than we do of her actually being on the page. Now in elegy nobody seems to be quite fully on the page, we only get "fragments of story" as Genevieve Liveley and Patricia Salzmann-Mitchell say (excellent collection by that name btw, I recommend checking it out if you're at all interested in narrative and lyric/elegy). But Diana manages this while being in a novel, which is impressive to me.

yeah stephen as a character is a lot more... self-reflective? than propertius' speaker. for one thing he's in a novel, I think, so he can actually... have a series of contiguous experiences. he's also a compulsive diarist which is helpful for self-reflection I guess. and more mature, like, as a human being, than propertius' speaker, who apparently does nothing with his life except be in love and write poetry, he doesn't exist outside of as a poetic voice whereas, again, stephen benefits from a third-person narrator and has medicine and spying to do and so on. also he's Catholic.

I love the "Catullus-and-water" line, it's like O'Brian just put in a little wink to those of us who would notice this, like, "yes I am doing this on purpose." All in all I've pretty much defaulted to assuming that O'Brian is doing things on purpose. although he did forget Babbington's first name that one time and retconned it very awkwardly

#aubreyad #aubrey-maturin #dissertationblogging