#loss of loved one

[kywaslost]

I Know Your Pain - Levi Ackerman

A/N: I started writing this a long time ago when I was working through writing for everyone on my masterlist, before my inbox was flooded with requests. I hope this turned out alright. And for the person who sent in a Levi request months ago, I promise I haven’t deleted it yet. I just want to finish the show before I get around to your request. I’m sorry for the long wait. I hope this is something, though.

Warnings: Loss of a loved one, vomiting

Just because you weren’t a part of Levi’s squad doesn’t mean he doesn’t know who you are. You worked with Hange, and her squad always worked with Levi’s, so he was aware of your presence. In fact, you were one of the few people he’d willingly eat with, or spend his free time with. You got your work done in a timely manner and your presence wasn’t unbearable. You were quiet but could carry a conversation.

You usually spent the evenings with Levi in his office. You always claimed that your roommates were too loud, and Hange’s constant movements and outbursts stressed you out, so you asked Levi if you could work in his office.

So when you didn’t show up one night after an expedition with Hange’s squad, Levi was slightly concerned. Were you hurt and in the infirmary? He hoped not, he’d taken a liking to you and didn’t want to see you injured. Where you dead? God, you better not be. He’d kill you himself if you were. He didn’t want to keep thinking these terrible thoughts, so he went to ask Hange himself.

“Four eyes!” Ah, yes, his go-to greeting. “Where’s Y/N? I have work for them to do.”

Hange slowly lifted her head from her hands, eyes drooped low. Now Levi knew something was wrong. His best friend was never this quiet. Were you really dead? No, you were too strong of a soldier to have died out there.

Hange cleared her throat, then wiped at her eyes. “I don’t know. I gave her the rest of the week off.”

Levi’s jaw tensed. “The rest of the week? It’s only Monday!” His voice was rough. He hoped it covered up his worry.

“Considering their best friend just died only a few hours ago, I think they’ll need the week to recover and grieve.”

So someone did die. Levi took a deep breath, relieved that you were at least alive. “Oh, I see.” The man turned to the door and stepped out of the room. “I will leave them be, then.” That was a lie. Levi was now on the hunt, looking everywhere for you.

Your bedroom was empty. You weren’t in the kitchen, library, or with the other cadets. You were nowhere to be found. Not even Erwin knew where you were. Levi was at a loss. As he walked through the corridors, he listened to the rain as it poured outside. Surely you weren’t out there.

“Captain!” Levi turned around, watching as a cadet ran towards him.

Levi raised an eyebrow. “What is it, cadet?”

The man running slowed to a stop. He took a deep breath. “There’s someone outside.”

“And why does this concern me?” Levi was growing agitated. He had more pressing matters than someone standing out in the rain. That was their choice, therefore it wasn’t his problem.

“I think it’s one of Hange’s squad members,” the cadet spoke. “I wouldn’t say anything if I didn’t think something was wrong, sir. But they’ve been out there ever since their squad returned.”

“Where?” Levi’s voice was stern now.

“Out by the stables-”

Levi didn’t let the boy finish, taking off running towards the stables. That had to have been you out there. Where else could you have been? But how long have you been out there? Hange returned to her office at least 3 hours ago. Levi had seen her walk down the hall and past his office. So you had to have been out there for hours now at least.

When the door to the outside opened, Levi was immediately stung with hard, monstrous rain drops. It was raining so hard he could barely see. Running off in the direction of the stables, Levi almost slipped and fell several times due to all of the mud. He cursed the weather as he kept running.

Soon enough, Levi could see the silhouette of a stray horse standing out in the rain. As he got closer he could see someone sat upon the horse.

“Easy,” he said, slowing to a walk when he neared the horse. He put his hand on the horse’s behind, petting the creature as he walked to the saddle. He looked up to see you sat still, looking down to your hands. They had remnants of blood left on them, the rest having been washed off by the rain. The scout’s regime’s symbol was gripped tightly in your hands. It must have belonged to your friend.

“Y/N,” Levi said softly. “Come inside.” He received no response. He wasn’t even sure you had even heard him. He sighed, then reached for the lead of your horse, slowly leading it inside of the barn and out of the rain. He brought it into its stable and stepped up on a small set of stairs to be eye level with you. The sight hurt him. You were absolutely drenched, clothes clinging to you in any way they could. Your skin was pale but your eyes were a vibrant red. Levi was sure you were going to get sick.

“Come on,” he soothed, placing a warm hand against your cool arm. He pulled gently, sliding you off of your horse partially. He guided you down, catching you when you stumbled as your feet hit the ground. “I’ve got you, you’re alright.” He gently tugged you towards the entrance of the barn when a gut-wrenching sob escaped your lips. Then you screamed, falling limp and landing on your knees on the ground.

Levi quickly fell beside you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you tightly against his chest. “Shhh,” he whispered. “It’s ok. You’re alright.” He rocked you slowly as he let you sob into his scouting cloak. He knew how much pain you were in. How it felt to lose your best friend. And so he lets you scream and cry for as long as you need. Or, until you began to gag, choking on your own sobs. You pushed yourself away from Levi, moved a few feet away from him, and then turned your head to throw up.

When you were finished, Levi slowly placed a hand on your back to make sure you were alright. “Let’s go inside. We need to get you warmed up.” He gently slid an arm under your knees and one behind your back, pulling you to him as he stood.

He took you to his office first. There was a much smaller chance that anyone would see you like this, and he has better control of your surroundings when in his office. He sat you down in a chair across from his desk. When he pulled back to walk away, he noticed how you still hadn’t let go of your friend’s patch. “I’ll be back, I promise.” He placed a hand on your head for a moment before leaving.

Levi stepped into his bathroom. He crouched down at the sink and pulled out a clean towel. On his way back to you he set a pot of water to warm up for you. Some tea and soup would do you well. Then he made his way to kneel in front of you. “I’m going to dry you off, alright?” he said quietly. “We’ll get you into some dry clothes and then under some blankets, yeah?”

He started with your face, softly wiping away the tears and raindrops that stained your face. The towel moved from your face up to your hair where Levi patted it as dry as he could. You looked like a disaster. There were remnants of blood all over your body, and Levi hoped to God that it wasn’t your blood. You looked as pale as the reports on his desk, yet your eyes were bloodshot a deep red color.

Your captain tried as best he could to get the rest of you dry but you had been in the rain so long that your clothes could be considered ruined. There was nothing he could do to save them. His silver eyes met your (e/c) ones and his gaze softened. “We’re going to get you taken care of,” he promised. Then he stood, draping the now damp towel over his shoulder. “Stay here.” He wasn’t sure you’d be able to go anywhere in this state, but he needed something to fill the silence.

“I’m going to get you a change of clothes. I promise, you won’t be left alone for long.”

Levi made his way back to Hange’s office, hoping the scientist was still awake. Stepping into the room, he saw her just where she was last time he had come into her office.

“What do you want now, Levi?” she grumbled quietly, quickly sparing the man a glimpse before laying her head back down on her desk. “I’d like to be left alone.”

“I know, but I found Y/N,” he said softly. “They aren’t in a good state. They’ve been out in the rain ever since your squad returned.” He sighed, then continued. “I was wondering if you had any clothes that could fit her, or if she left any spare clothes in here.”

Hange slowly lifted herself from her desk and over to a cabinet, pulling out a folded outfit. She handed it to Levi. “These are their spare overnight clothes, for when they’re in the lab overnight or they’re too tired to go home.” She sighed tiredly. Hange looked almost as worn down as you, except she was much more functional than you were at the moment. “Good night, Levi. And make sure Y/N sees a medic. I’m not sure they’ve had their check-up yet.”

Levi bid his friend good night and made his way back to his office. He prayed you were alright still. This small trip took longer than he’d expected.

You were still slumped in the chair Levi had left you in. You were trembling now, and it sounded like you had stopped crying. Levi kneeled down in front of you, placing a hand on your knee to try and grab your attention. “Y/N,” he said softly, turning his head ever so slightly to meet your distant gaze. “I’ve returned with some dry clothes for you to change into while I start a fire.”

You didn’t move. You didn’t even acknowledge him. Levi was beginning to worry even more. You’ve been unresponsive for a while now. He hoped changing your clothes and your environment would help you feel better

“I can help you, if you'd like,” Levi offered, and when he still didn’t receive a response he placed the dry clothes on the floor behind him. His warm hands gently undone your cloak, hanging it on the side of the chair next to you. Next was your jacket, except you refused to let go of the wings of freedom you had clutched in your hands.

Levi slowly attempted to take the torn fabric from you. “I’ll give it back, I promise. Just let me help you change, then you can do whatever you want with it.”

You responded this time, only with a short nod as you loosened your grip on the wings of freedom, letting Levi set it to the side yet still in your sight. He peeled your jacket down your arms and set it on top of your cloak. His fingertips brushed over your hips as he pulled your shirt over your shoulders and arms, adding it to the pile of wet clothes. Your socks, shoes, and pants eventually made their way off as well, leaving you in your underclothes.

Levi took this time to look over you for any injuries. Usually one would be nervous, sitting undressed in front of their captain like this. Except Levi had performed routine exams after expeditions several times in your presence, sometimes even on you, so you thought nothing of it. There was a huge bruise forming across your back, but that seemed to be the worst of your injuries. You had a few cuts and scrapes here and there but nothing that required medical attention.

Levi carefully dressed you, pulling your night-shirt over your head and then guiding your legs through your lounge pants. Sticking to his word, he handed you the last remains of your friend’s uniform before making his way over to the fireplace. Sticking a few logs into the heated coals, he pushed the fire to grow, warming up the room even more. Then he moved over to the tea pot, pouting you a cup of tea as well as himself. Levi picked you up, carefully moving you over to the small sofa in front of the fireplace, sitting beside you. He handed you your tea, and the two of you sat in silence.

Later in the night, when you had finally warmed up and began to move a bit more, Levi instructed you to sit between his legs as he tried running a hairbrush through your ratted hair. You appreciated the personal attention, letting your captain do things you could not currently do on your own. His soft hands ran through your hair, trailing the brush as it smoothed out all of the rats and tangles.

It was going to be a rough next few days, weeks, maybe even months for you, but Levi would always be there to pick you up when you could no longer move on your own.

#comfort #x reader #platonic #attack on titan levi #levi attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin levi #levi #levi ackerman x reader comfort #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin levi #shigeki no kyojin #aot comfort #snk comfort #loss of loved one #grief comfort

[anxious-writer-x]

Dad.

It feels like my whole world has stopped, but I look around and everything is still moving. People getting on with their days, complaining about the monotonies of life. I want to scream, my dad just died how could you even care about something so small. But I don’t. I feel like it’s better this way to hold it inside. I don’t know if I’m doing this right. But who really knows how they’re going to feel when the man who created you is no longer on this earth. I wish the world would stop for just one moment, one minute, let me recollect myself, pick up the pieces of my shattered heart but it doesn’t. The world doesn’t stop for anyone.

I feel so much guilt and so much anger all towards myself, I keep thinking what if…

What if I called

What if I tried harder

What if I told you I loved you on that last phone call and I’d been stupid letting my pride cloud what could’ve been

I don’t know, I don’t know anything at the moment.

I love you. I hope you passed away knowing that, more than anything I hope you know that. I like to think you do, seeing as were so similar I’m sure at my age you would’ve navigated the last few years of our relationship similarly. God knows we were so alike, maybe too alike, maybe if we were less alike one of us would have broken the stalemate sooner.

I can’t help but wonder why this had to happen now, but I also can’t help to be thankful. I’m not fucking spiritual or into the universes divine timing shit but I can’t help but to think something someone was looking out for us when I spoke to you on Sunday.

Maybe you knew, that’s why we spoke for so long, I don’t know I’ll never know and I’ll always be left with questions. I wish I told you to go get a charger so we spoke longer, I wish I savoured the moment more, I wish instead of being on that fucking boat to Airlie I was knocking on your door to give you one last hug, sit with you and watch a movie. I wish I was there holding your hand when you left this earth. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry dad.

I wish I woke up at 4am when I got that phone call, I wish I had the strength to listen to that voicemail again. I wish I listened to my gut when I thought something was wrong instead of burying my head in the sand.

I wish I didn’t feel like a fraud for feeling like I don’t deserve to grieve you because I spent so many years convincing myself that it wouldn’t matter and I wouldn’t care. I do care. I was wrong, I will always care.

I’ve been looking up videos on grief would you believe, watching fucking videos to try and grasp a concept you hear about so often because no one can prepare you for this moment until you’ve gone through it. Life is suppose to go on, but I don’t know how it can at the moment.

Apparently grief is all your unused love for that person, maybe that’s why this feels like a mountain, one that I can never conquer because there was too much love I didn’t share with you, too many cards I held too close to my chest.

Maybe I should’ve started this a long time ago writing to you like this god knows it would’ve helped and you probably would’ve loved to hear from me. I’m sorry I didn’t write, I’m sorry I didn’t call.

Maybe for the next little while this is how we’ll talk, I just wish I could hear you speak back to me. One. Last. Time.

Maybe I’ll keep writing you letters for years to come, maybe this is the way I rebuild someone of my heart that left with you on Monday.

I love you Dad, thank you. I love you.

#dealing with grief #grief poem #grief journal #death and dying #miss you dad #loss of loved one

[roadkilledthegirl]

forget your best friend, he's not coming back. stay high, block out the memory of his slavic tongue in your mouth.

#the goldfinch #theodore decker #theo decker #theo decker’s pov #short poetry #heartbreak #grief poem #loss of loved one #poetry #romantic poetry #queer love #best friends to lovers #boreo #boris pavlikovsky #boris and theo #donna tartt

[midshines]

It’s okay to have bad days. It’s okay to have days where all you can think of is them. It’s okay to cry, to regret, to scream. It’s okay to look at old pictures and sob for what could have been. But just because they are gone now does not mean that your story is over, and they wouldn’t want it to be.

#griefsupport #grief #grief cw #loss of loved one #loss of friendship #loss of pet #grieving #affirmations

[jokerislandgirl32]

It’s been a year since my grandmother’s death and I still can’t bring myself to write on her memory page…

This is all I can get out: The one thing I can remember about you grandma is that you didn’t have a favorite color, I could not associate a color with you, but instead I can associate all colors with you, you colored my life in ways I will never forget.

Rest in peace, grandma.

#death mention tw #tw death #loss #loss of loved one

[lesbian-peanut-writer]

I don't even know if Tumblr allows this sort of thing, but I am seriously in desperate times and I don't know what else to do.

WARNING: MENTIONS PASSING OF LOVED ONE.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I lost my father in the November of last year, despite our ups and downs that we had over the last several years; I still loved him very much. His passing was sudden and came as a real shock to the whole family... My mother has been struggling since we lost him and it seems like everything just keeps flaking apart on us all the time 😭 I'm doing this in hopes that even if just a little, somehow we might be able to get some financial support along the way. My Dad had nothing in place when he passed away, leaving us scrambling to get everything together to honour him the best way we possibly could, but that kind of stuff isn't cheap in the slightest...

You don't have to but if you at all could my Lil Peanuts, please help a girl out but please don't feel obliged.

Raising money for my Dad's Funeral expenses

#not a request #loss of loved one #death #funeral costs #why is everything so expensive #lesbian peanut writer

[hail-ey-m]

ℓєνι α¢кєямαη—ℓσѕѕ σƒ ℓσνє∂ σηє

Relationship: platonic

!!TW: Mentions of death of close one!!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Greetings Y/n,

I would say I hope you are well, but I know better then that. 

I understand what you're going through. I know its hard. It feels lonely and makes you feel empty. I know you'd like to think people aren't taken from you before you're ready. I only wish that were true. 

You are not alone. You don't have to distance yourself out of fear of losing someone. It will just make you miserable. 

Death and abandonment is all around us. It's tragic, but its necessary. It's natural, we're all born and we will all die one day. But that doesn't mean we should live in fear of losing someone else. That just makes the time we do have here unbearable. 

I know you loved them. I know how much they meant to you, but it will be okay. 

Nothing in this life is permanent. Nothing but your spirit. 

You're spirit will affect people long after your gone. Whether for better or worse. Remember that. 

You are loved. You are NOT alone. You didn't deserve this. Don't be afraid to lean on me. Don't be afraid to lean on those who are there for you. That's their job, to help you. 

I will always be here. I mean that. I'm not going anywhere. 

Sincerely, 

Levi ♡

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

© 2023 Shiggy | All Rights Reserved | No portion of this work may be used or adapted in any way without the author's explicit consent.

#Spotify #attack on titan #attack on titan x gender neutral reader #levi attack on titan #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x you #levi ackerman x gn!reader #attack on titan angst #attack on titan fluff #anime x gender neutral reader #loss of loved one #anime comfort #comfort letter #comfort character

[mysteriouslyjollyheart]

Death has a way

Of shaking you to the core.

Never having back

The way it was before.

Thinking of things

You should've said.

Playing different scenarios

Inside your head.

Wishing it could've been

Another way instead.

How quickly things can change

Everything gets rearranged.

All your plans are now destroyed

There remains a huge void

That nobody can fill.

Day after day, night after night

You're missing them still.

You do accept it though

Because it was God’s will.

Can't bring them back

Or change it with an appeal.

Lord please continue to help me

Get through this whole deal.

I need you Jehova Rapha

The God that heals.

Love, Amy

#god is good #hope #faith #encouragement #original poetry #original poem #i love jesus #my poem #my poetry #death #loss of loved one #poemsociety #poets on tumblr #poetry #godwins

[dreamscapelit]

The first eight chapters are available now. Free on Booksie.

Suffering from a downward spiral of depression, Rachael thought she died. Reawakened in post WWII, 1945, she encounters a stranger. That is until she sees the truth in his eyes. Rachael must find her way through the crossroads, and with Roderick’s guidance they relive the memories of two lifetimes together. With a new perspective on love, Rachael must learn to accept herself, battle scars and all. Along the way she encounters loved ones who help her heal, and by faith she may find her way back home.

#romance #world war 2 #battle #faith #faithoverfear #faith in yourself #faith in jesus #love story #loss of loved one #self accepectance #soulmates #crossroads #pride #self loathing #healing #love letters #battles in the mind #family ties #finding home #time travel

[rainninpain]

#this guy #lies lies and more lies #fake as fuck #borderline personality disorder #loss of loved one #gone too soon #narccisist #fuck life #victim blaming #gaslighting #men suck #heonlywantedpussy #nevertrustagain #grief

[persephonescottage]

So my fiancées grandmother (basically his mother because she raised him when his mother abandoned him) passed away yesterday somehow suddenly. I’ve been trying my best to help him out but my family is very emotionless and dry when it comes to situations like these, and the best I can do is acts of service.

If anyone knows of anything I can do to help him cope, he seems fine and accepting but he tends to have late reactions to things and I want to be prepared.

#coping #loss of loved one

[enderblogs-24]

December 24th, 2022

To go with the flowers I made the three special family members, (posted two days ago) I made a flower of the same color for that person's immediate household. My mom got this purple flower for my sister. My cousin got a red flower for her son. Grammie got a blue flower for Papa. 💙 This pattern is super simple, although I did like working it with paracord rather than traditional yarn.

This is the last of my projects from 2022. Thank you all for checking them out and allowing me to share. 😊

#crocheted friends #autistic artist #crocheted flower #crocheted rose #crochet flower #crochet rose #autistic crocheter #Ender's life #loss of loved one #loss tw #grief tw #death tw #crocheted flowers #crochet flowers

[monstersandmaw]

Vampire or any other immortal monster taking care of their human thats well into their 60s-70's whos in their final moments :')

Nota request but i love angst and hurt

Heartache!! Oof. It would be a tough one to explore.

(Although unless there's something going on medically with their partner, their final moments hopefully won't be til their 80's or even 90's. 60 isn't old and they can definitely do adventurous stuff together well into their partner's twilight years!)

#i feel strongly about the whole age thing because i have 'elderly' parents who are in their 70s and mum is fitter and more active than me #i'm not having a go at you though #loss of loved one #loss of loved one mention #mention of grief #mention of death #old age

[bitter-taste-of-sweet]

#love #life #peace #grief poem #dealing with grief #grief poetry #death #loss #loss of parents #loss of loved one #mom #loss of a loved one #i miss my family

[wolfxofxwars]

Days like today

It’s like the first time getting the news

I can’t stop sobbing

My throat keeps closing

There’s a physical pain somewhere

Somewhere deep in my body

Somewhere I can’t pull it out

No matter how much I scream

Now matter how much I cry

I’m incomplete

A piece that’s been missing

Since the day you died

Without warning

Without a goodbye

And Fuck does it hurt

#love #free write #writing #excerpt from a story i'll never write #thoughts #rip #loss of loved one #loss

[morbitchuary]

The world seems so dull. It no longer looks lively, colors seem duller, and the disassociative issues are getting to me. Tonight I sobbed so hard that I threw up. I'd do anything in the world to have you back. I can't handle you being dead. I miss you. I can't cope with out you. How am I supposed to function knowing I'll never get to hear your voice or see you watch our son grow up.

#bpd thoughts #actually bpd #borderline personality disorder #living with bpd #bpd problems #bpd feels #actually borderline #bpd vent #borderline problems #bpd life #grief tw #griefandloss #coping with grief #loss of loved one #tw grieving #grieving #tw depressing thoughts