#like he cannot have been okay after that. he just lost another family member. sadness ensues. but also fuck your dad isaac forget him

[aprill-99]

Can I get some people to read the book “Saffy’s Angel” and the Casson Family series by Hillary McKay this year? Purely because I would like to talk to some people about it sometimes and my family are the only ones I know who have read it. Some bullet points to entice you in:

1. It’s an amazing family story, both found and biological. The kids all drag in their friends to be part of the household and never look back. Not unlike the vibe in the Bridgerton books in that regard which is apparently what I look for in fictional families

2. The whole family of children is named after paint colors and each book changes to focus on the POV of a different sibling

3. The writing is lovely and funny and comforting

4. The audiobooks are lovely too!

A Quote from each book in order:

1. Saffy’s Angel

“It will be so sad."

"You have to be sad sometimes," said Caddy. "Whatever Dad says. He may be right. Granddad probably had totally lost his marbles, but I am still sad and I'm still going to the funeral. I shall be as unhappy as I like and I shall where black.”

&

“You’ve all been walking past me for years and years.”

“Is that why you ran me over with your wheelchair?”

“Not saying a word.”

“Is that why?”

“Without even looking at me.”

“I didn’t think it was an accident.”

2. Indigo’s Star

“If you were a Casson family member, for example, and Eve drifted in from the shed asking, "Food? Any ideas? Or shall we not bother?" then you either joined in the search of the kitchen cupboards or counted the money in the housekeeping jam jar and calculated how many pizzas you could afford. Also, if you were a family member you took care of Rose, helped with homework (Saffron and Sarah were very strict about homework), unloaded the washing machine, learned to fold up Sarah's wheelchair, hunted for car keys, and kept up the hopeful theory that in the event of a crisis Bill Casson would disengage himself from his artistic life in London and rush home to help.”

3. Permanent Rose

“It had not seemed to matter that Rose was only eight years old.

"More than eight," said Rose. "Nearly nine."

"Darling Rose, even almost nearly nine-year-old's don't fall in love," said forgetful Caddy.

"Who said anything about falling in love?" growled Rose crossly. "Falling! Falling is by accident! I didn't fall in anything!"

4. Caddy Ever After

“This is how I do special.”

&

“How can I give you nothing? Do you seriously expect me to buy nothing, wrap up nothing, stick a gift tag on nothing, send a card saying I really hope you like your nothing and lie awake worrying that the nothing I got you was the right color nothing you always anted? Have a heart!”

5. Forever Rose

“‘Rose,' he said. 'I suddenly feel old. I did not realize how the years had gone by. Do not try to look sympathetic because you cannot possibly understand.'

Yes, I can. I have just spent a week with Class 1 and they are like people from another plane, but really they are just me, five years ago. Indigo and Saffy and Sarah and Caddy have changed too. They are turning into the sort of people I used to call Grown Up and I cannot stop them, although I would if I could. I would slow them down, anyway. Sometimes I want to shout, 'Wait for me! Wait for me!'

Like I did when I was little and they walked too fast.

They always slowed down back then, however much of a hurry they were in, but I do not think they can turn back now.

So I do understand.”

&

“School is no longer a peaceful place where you can catch up on your daydreaming, forget your family ( or what is left of your family) and talk about things like Dr. Who and how to stop GLobal Warming (we all know how but we don't stop it) and if it is okay for boys to wear pink and all those other things we talk about.”

6. Caddy’s World - (Prequel)

“The genie was at work again, and soon Caddy’s world would be set spinning once again.”

#book recommendations #book reccs #saffys angel #permanent rose #the casson family #indigos star #caddy ever after #long post #quotes #book quotes #please please someone else get in to this #i just want to read #I just want to rant #found family #all the good tropes #positive disabled representation in a novel

[metagalacticx]

there’s part of you in me // but you’re not the man i wanna be

and i guess you’ll never see

just what i turn out to be.

for #isaacappreciationweek @softranswolves

#isaac lahey #isaac lahey edit #isaacappreciationweek #so this is a combination of all the additional suggestions i guess? loool #colours lyrics fave scenes fave looks #anyway thinking about grief and how it becomes infinitely more complex and absorbing when it involves an abusive parent #like he cannot have been okay after that. he just lost another family member. sadness ensues. but also fuck your dad isaac forget him #this song was inspo for a certain fic #but it is literally about isaac which i only realised when i was trying to decide on what words to use here #twgs

[that-blue-vault-dweller]

Companions seeing soles baby for the first time? (Dont specify the name or gender though please, also could add a bonus for maxson-)

Okay... So I might have been slightly self-indulgent with the Piper one at first since I've got such a soft spot for my favorite nosy reporter. But I tried to balance it out so now y'all maybe won't notice so much! 😅

As for the Maxson bonus, I'm not too familiar with his character, but I tried! In my playthroughs, I've only ever sided with the Minutemen and the Railroad, and the most affection I've felt for the Brotherhood comes in the form of Danse. However, I am starting another playthrough, so I might go Brotherhood this time. I did the best I could, y'all. 👍

I hope you enjoy! 🥰💙💛

Cait - Does not even know how to act. When she comes through the door, her eyes locked on the bundle in F!Sole's arms, she trips over the doorway and immediately curses. However, she swiftly apologizes as if the child can understand the words. F!Sole just chuckles and pats the spot on the side of the bed, inviting Cait to come see the baby up close. Cait very slowly shuffles over and sits down, just staring at the baby. She wants to touch the baby, but she's scared to because what if she makes it cry and then she'll cry and then it'll be a mess and then--- And then F!Sole asks her if she wants to hold the baby. She very hesitantly nods just barely, almost a reflex reaction, and F!Sole hands it to her. She hold it very stiffly, but as securely as she can, just looking down at its sweet, little face. She will protect this thing with her very life.

Piper - Is absolutely in love with the baby as soon as she sees it and she carefully sits on the bed next to F!Sole, just grinning like an idiot as she looks at her best friend's child there before her. When F!Sole asks if she wants to hold it, she wholeheartedly agrees. She very carefully picks it up and holds it in her arms, just marveling at it as she gently touches its face. She wastes no time in telling it that it is definitely going to be just as awesome and full of trouble as its mama is. When F!Sole tells it that its aunt is way worse, she feels like her heart might burst at the very fact that her Blue just called her a member of her family. She's definitely going to be the best aunt that she can be and will undoubtedly spoil it absolutely rotten to the core.

Curie - Is overwhelmed with so, so many emotions the very moment that she lays eyes on the baby. She almost thinks that she will cry from the pure joy and adorableness before her. She hurried over before slowing down just as she gets to the bed. She reaches out before quickly looking at F!Sole in a silent question, and F!Sole nods happily, extending the bundle so that Curie can get a better look. Curie softly speaks to it, her eyes ridiculously huge as she gently pokes its cheeks. She giggles and sniffles, reaching up and wiping at her eyes as she looks down at the sweet baby. She cannot wait to help it get used to this wonderful, strange world.

MacCready - Just looks at it with a soft smile on his face and a few tears in his eyes. He is reminded of how beautiful Duncan was as a baby, and he is now lost in thoughts about two beautiful babies. When she asks if he wants to hold it, he happily accepts the offer and holds it carefully. He baby-talks to it a little, telling it just how adorable it is, and when it reaches up and touches his face, he freezes before smiling gently. He then hands it back to F!Sole only to see that she has a huge grin on her face. He chuckles awkwardly and scratches at the back of his neck, shrugging it off. He will definitely love introducing it to Duncan.

Deacon - Grins widely when he sees it and he pulls out a very small pair of sunglasses, offering them to F!Sole. She raises an eyebrow, somewhat confused and he explains that they're for the baby. She chuckles before balancing them carefully on the baby's face. Deacon laughs happily, and he tells the baby that he's going to be the cool uncle and they're going to be partners in spying. He knows that the baby is going to be an amazing spy and he cannot wait to teach it all of his moves.

Codsworth - Is overjoyed when he sees it and dotes upon it, speaking to it in cheery tones while trying to keep his voice a little quieter than it naturally tends to be. He fails somewhat at keeping himself quiet, but it is the thought that counts. He hovers around the bed, looking at the baby from all angles as he fusses over F!Sole and the child. He will do everything in his power to serve them both well for the rest of his days.

Hancock - Makes sure that he is completely free of any and all chems and is totally sober when he sees the child. He wants this moment in his mind to be clear as a bell. When he sees it, he knows that he is totally wrapped around its finger. And when F!Sole introduces him as Uncle John, he clings onto the name and owns it proudly, talking to the baby about everything that Uncle John is going to buy for it whenever he manages to pry himself away from it. Like Piper, he's going to spoil it rotten.

Danse - Just sort of stands in the doorway until F!Sole notices him and waves him over quickly. He ambles over carefully. As soon as he sees the baby, he is enamored and he just looks at it like it singlehandedly hung the moon despite the fact that it has only been in the world for thirty minutes or less. After a long moment, he quietly asks her if he can touch it, and she nods encouragingly. He gently reaches out, his huge fingers carefully brushing its face. When it grabs one of them, he thinks that he could die of pure happiness. Nothing will ever happen to it as long as he's around.

Preston - Smiles goofily when he sees it, removing his hat quickly so that he does not look so huge and intimidating when he comes over to take a closer look. He is just beaming as he looks down at it, and he tells F!Sole softly that it's going to make for an incredible General one day. He then proceeds to talk in a more baby-oriented tone as he tells it how cute it is and how it's going to be just like its mommy. Preston is so, so excited to see it grow up and to see the amazing things it will do.

Valentine - Is at first somewhat hesitant to come in. What if the baby is afraid of him? After all, he is a pretty ghastly sight. However, almost as if she sensed it, F!Sole asks someone to come get him and he has to come in whether he likes it or not. When he sees the little one, he feels a warmth bloom in his chest like no other and smiles a little as he approaches. F!Sole tells him to get over there and sit down with them. She then proceeds to introduce the baby to its Grandpa Nick. He knows that if he was able, he would definitely be crying right about then, but he just smiles, albeit somewhat wobbly, and he tells the baby that how cute it is. He will forever treasure his new title.

X6-88 - Examines it carefully before declaring that he expected it to more strongly resemble its older brother. F!Sole seems crestfallen as a result, and something strange makes him feel inclined to say something else. He adds that it is not a bad thing and that it will likely be as brilliant as its older brother. F!Sole seems somehow more sad and happier at that response, so he simply remains quiet. Regardless of everything, he will keep a close watch over it for as long as he remains functional.

Dogmeat - Hops onto the bed beside her carefully, being sure not to step on F!Sole, and he stares at the baby with great interest. He moves a little closer and sniffs it. When it reaches its hand out and touches his nose, his tail wags unbelievably fast and he licks its hand gently. This is another person that he will protect and love forever.

Strong - Is strangely fascinated by it. He seems to have no desire to eat it, and he very carefully and hesitantly points at it before asking F!Sole if this is the baby she had in her stomach. When she tells him that it is indeed the one, he then asks if she went behind the tree and pooped it out. This makes her laugh entirely too hard.

BONUS:

Maxson - Is quite proud of his most trusted paladin for giving birth to such a beautiful baby. He is excited at the idea of the child growing up among the Brotherhood's ranks and he just sort of looks at it carefully and fondly as he stands near the bed. F!Sole asks him if he thinks it'll one day grow up to be a paladin as well, and he wholeheartedly assures her that he is one hundred percent certain. If the baby is anything like its mother, then it will definitely be a paladin at least by the age of eighteen.

#fallout companions react #fallout companion reacts #fallout #fallout 4 #fo4 #fallout 4 companions react #fallout 4 companion reacts #fallout 4 companions #fallout 4 companion #fallout companions #fallout companion #piper wright #arthur maxson #maxson #strong #dogmeat #cait #curie #maccready #robert maccready #deacon #hancock #john hancock #nick valentine #paladin danse #danse #x6-88 #preston garvey #codsworth

[lifebeginsbyleaving]

Welcome To The Jungle

Stiles nearly fell out of his chair laughing. He shoved Danny's shoulder hard enough to make both of their computer chairs spin.

"It's true!"

Stiles wiped tears and replied, "Oh my god I cannot believe that!"

Danny held up a hand. "On my mother's butter mochi recipe, Coach and Greenburg walking out of the cinema hand in hand."

Stiles let out another disbelieving bark of laughter. "How the times have changed- Unless..." Stiles squinted at Danny. "You don't think they- while school- you know back then?"

Danny shook his head. "Dude, Coach is so against that. He would never. I called Jackson immediately and apparently Greenburg started one of Coach's courses he does at the college. I don't know man, love must've blossomed."

Stiles still looked bewildered. "Yeah, but Greenberg? I always though the Coach hated him."

Danny shrugged. "Maybe it was in a 'You're so hot, but you're my student so I'm going to hate you.' kind of way." He instantly wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Although, I have a hard time seeing anyone think of Greenburg as hot."

Stiles thought for a moment. "Well-"

Danny swiveled his chair. "Oh no. No! Stiles, I know we haven't always been the closest, but now I consider you a friend. If you have been so deprived of dick lately that you are thinking of Greenburg as cute, in any way, I have failed."

Stiles put his hands up. "I'm just saying th-"

"No! You stop that immediately! That's it. I'm taking you to the jungle next Thursday night. No more lame excuses or pack emergencies that Lydia says didn't actually happen. Next Thursday. Nine o'clock, don't be late. And I swear to God if you don't wear those tight black pants I will force you into an outfit of my choosing."

"Danny you know I-"

"No. Lydia tells me all about how you won't let her set you up on dates, because dating isn't your thing. Which I know is a lie. So casual sex it is. I know you like sex, good God you won't shut up about it, so stop. I can barely stand your sexual frustration anymore. We have to work on patching the bestiary mainframe for at least two more weeks, so I'm not dealing with your huffing and short fuse every five seconds for that much longer. You're so god damn snippy. We're going to the jungle unless you can detail your last sexual encounter well enough for me to believe it wasn't months ago." Danny crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.

Stiles shifted in his seat. He couldn't go into great detail about his last sexual encounter to Danny, so instead he let out a sigh. "Fine, but I'm going just to appease you, and under no circumstances do I have to leave with someone."

Danny raised his hands, but he had a triumphant grin. "Hey that is entirely up to you. We'll go and see how the night takes us, or who takes us."

Stiles rolled his eyes. "There will be no taking. I'm going out to appease you. That's it."

Stiles' nerves went up seeing Danny's devilish grin. He knew that grin, that grin meant he would definitely try to set him up. It wasn't that he wasn't excited to go out, it was just Stiles hadn't been to a club since he got back to Beacon Hills after college. He'd been back for eight months and he'd rejected all attempts by the pack to set him up. If he left the jungle without someone on his arm Danny would know something was up, and it wasn't just him wanting to settle back in anymore.

Stiles was saddened when he found out no one from the pack was going to college near him. When Danny accepted Berkeley's offer he felt slightly better. Even if they weren't really close and not exactly pack it was good to have someone he knew going with him. The first year they barely talked at all. But right before the start of second year the nemeton started a shit fest and Danny needed a ride back. It was easier to go together, despite the painfully awkward first hour of the trip. Somewhere around hour three they found a groove and many things they had in common.

Stiles expected for things to go back to the way they were before once they got back, but Danny texted him with a time and the address of a club they had talked about. After that they went out to parties, studied, and were unexpected friends. Their third year they moved in together. Danny had been there through all his college relationships and hook ups, and for most of the best ones he had been the one to introduce them. Danny was good at knowing what people liked and how they would be together. He was the main reason Stiles got so many experiences, and mistakes, out of college. Stiles liked being around him. He made you feel like you were better than you actually were, that you could be more if you tried. Stiles could tell why him and Jackson had been such good friends. At first Jackson tried to insist Stiles kept his nerd cooties away from his best friend, but they could tell he was glad two of his pack members were taking care of each other.

At one point Stiles even confessed his high school crush to Danny. The asshole just said he knew and that every questioning boy had a crush on him. When Stiles asked him if he thought they would be good together Danny just shook his head. He told him he would date him, but he knew Stiles was the type you marry and he wasn't ready for that. Stiles had been awed and flattered by that and as soon as he asked, he knew they wouldn't ever go there. They were just friends. Some how that didn't bother him, it made him feel settled in the relationship they already had. Because it was good enough.

Stiles snapped back to attention looking at a talking Danny with a fond smile. "What?"

"You did that freaky zone out thing, didn't you? I swear one of these days you're going to walk in front of a bus. I said look hot and wear the cologne too."

Stiles gave a lazy salute and started to pack up. "Alright, I should head home soon. Dad will order pizza if I don't get there in time, and I don't want to have to wrestle a meat lovers out of his hands again. It was messy."

Danny nodded with a smile. "I'm busy tomorrow, but I'll see you Wednesday, and then Thursday."

"You got it."

---

"Dad I'm home." He rounded the corner to see his dad frozen with the phone in his hand.

"God damn it, I almost got it ordered in time. Tell Danny he needs to work you harder." He set the phone back down with a harsh look.

Stiles rolled his eyes as he set down his things. "We're just patching the bestiary, I don't actually work for him. I do have an actual job you know."

"So you're paying him for his help?"

Stiles shook his head. "He's helping out the pack. He said he would do it on his free time." He walked to the kitchen to start supper.

His dad leaned against the counter. "So is he in the pack? I thought you said he wasn't."

Stiles turned to look at his father after grabbing the chicken and veggies from the fridge. "Yes and no. Most of us consider him pack because he is to Jackson, but Danny hasn't accepted yet. He says he doesn't want the responsibility of it. He always shows up and helps when we need though." Stiles set up his knife and cutting board in silence.

"And what do you think?" The rhythmic sound of a sharp knife hitting a cutting board filled the kitchen until he was finished speaking.

Stiles looked down and started to move the board around. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you said, 'He says,' instead of saying something like he doesn't because of whatever. You think he says something, but what do you think he means? And why won't you look at me when you talk about it? Son, did something happen between you and Danny?" His dad had been really nosey and pushy lately. He supposed it was because he could tell Stiles was hiding something, but it was still annoying.

Stiles popped a slice of green pepper in his mouth and turned to his father with a contemplative look. He looked in his father's eyes for a moment.

He sighed after making up his mind. "Nothing happened between us. Danny doesn't join the pack because it's a commitment. It's basically a family. He doesn't want the weight of that. He also thinks the only ones that want him there are Jackson and I, which isn't true. He just gets freaked out by people being there all the time, always knowing everything about him. He feels like he might lose them at anytime. The more you love something the more it hurts once it's gone, you know?"

His father looked at him with sad eyes. "I know."

Stiles nodded. He bit his lip to hold in the question begging to slip out.

"Why wouldn't you look at me before? I know it wasn't just because of something with Danny. There's something going on with you lately."

Stiles couldn't hold it in any longer. "Do you ever regret loving mom?"

"Never." It was immediate and without hesitation.

Stiles fidgeted. "Yeah, but what if you knew you would find another wife and son you would love just as much as you love us. Would you want to save yourself the heartbreak of loving someone you lost?"

His father's eyes were glistening as he walked up to Stiles and pulled him into a hug. "I wouldn't trade you both for anything. That I promise you kid. Never." He kissed the top of Stiles' head. "Never, ever. You're my boy, and she was the love of my life."

Stiles nodded into his chest and gripped his shirt.

His father pulled back and looked at him assessing his face. "Why do you think you're loving someone you're going to lose Stiles?"

Stiles closed his eyes, but his tears fell anyway. "There's something I haven't told the pack, and I can't tell you yet either. And I need you to be okay with that. I shouldn't have even started to talk about it. You can't push okay?" He opened his eyes to look at his father pleadingly.

His father gripped his shoulders and looked at him sternly. "This is serious Stiles. The last time you didn't tell the pack or me about something, you had been assaulted on campus. You have to be straight with me here, no lying. Is this like that? Should we know?"

Stiles once again felt the guilt of keeping him getting beat up on campus from his family, but he knew they would've gone ballistic. Besides, he could and did handle a cocky omega. The only reason they knew now was because Danny let it slip to Jackson on break and Jackson came to him spitting mad in front of everyone. Jackson got in touch with some of his families friends within two hours. It was dealt with soon enough, but they still were angry at him for keeping it from them. Scott and Lydia felt betrayed and the rest of them seemed hurt, but Derek just stood there with his arms crossed looking like he was ready to murder Stiles.

But this wasn't like that. This wasn't him keeping something from them, this was him waiting to tell them. "I do plan on telling them, I just have to see how somethings work out first."

"Do you think they could work out in a way that hurts you?"

Stiles hesitated. "Yes. But if they do it would be better for everyone if they didn't know." He saw his father's confused face. "It would be easier for me to heal without them poking."

His dad sighed. "Kiddo I hope you know what you're getting into. Hell, I hope I'm doing the right thing by listening to you."

"It's always the right idea to listen to me pops." Stiles smiled and winked.

"I take it all back. Tell Scott right now. God, what was I thinking."

"Har har. And to think I was going to let you have full fat cheese with your rice tonight."

---

Stiles tried to stuff his hands into his jeans, but they were so tight his fingers barely went down. He pulled them out and stuck his arms out before letting them slap against his legs. He huffed and checked the door for him again. Danny was always either way early or a half hour late. Stiles decided to get a booth to wait out the next twenty minutes.

Stiles was sipping his half empty drink when someone slid into his booth and stole his attention. "Um sorry, this booth is taken."

The unfamiliar man gave him a charming smile. "Right, okay. I'll only be a minute." The man ducked his head and Stiles looked behind their booth to see who he was hiding from.

There was a loud redhead at the bar that immediately stuck out. She had a small gathering of laughing men around her.

Stiles turned back and the man was staring and smiling at him in a way he supposed was to be disarming. "So, did you run into an ex?"

The man scoffed. "Not on your life. It was that woman." He laughed and made a face like Stiles should immediately understand.

Stiles narrowed his eyes. "Was she rude?"

The man looked flabbergasted. "She's a woman, hitting on men." Stiles raised an eyebrow. "In here! In a gay bar! I went up to her to give her a piece of my mind, but those jerks stood up for the bitch."

Stiles got the full picture now and started to get angry, but kept his cool. "She could be bi. Also you know friends can come here too right? Like sometimes people just come here to have a good time."

He looked at Stiles like he was the one not understanding yet. "Yes, but she was flirting. With a guy."

Stiles took a breath in. "The guy could also be bi. Or it could've been her boyfriend. Or he is gay and as long as she backed off, big whoop."

The man scoffed. "If they are straight they shouldn't be here. And if they're bi, I don't see why they would be here looking for a hetero relationship. They can find that anywhere. I mean, you come to a gay bar for one thing."

Stiles couldn't take it any more. "Yeah. Acceptance. So if you're going to be an exclusionist asshole or a biphobe troll I think it's you who should leave. Anyone that respects other people has a right to be here without fear of rejection or judgement. Maybe they're bi, maybe they're straight, maybe one of them is trans or non-binary, maybe one of them is asexual. Maybe that or a ton of other things, but one thing they sure as hell are is none of your damn business! This is a safe place, and you can fuck right off if you're going to threaten that!"

The man got up, but still tried one final attempt. "Look, I just mean if there's so many of them invading our space, soon enough there won't be enough room for us." He spoke with stress on certain words.

Stiles gave him a sweet smile with murderous eyes. "There's always room for love. This isn't the Titanic jackass. And if you're referring to me in that, 'our' I'll have you know- I like tits too. And I'm too proud of it to allow a self centered prick like you to bully me into feeling bad about it. Have a nice day up on that high horse trampling all over the people that helped build this safe space you think is just yours. Yee-haw, ride your intersectional bigot ass right out of here!" Stiles was two seconds away from throwing his drink, but he thought that might be a bit much. He thought he got his point across well enough.

The man opened his mouth.

Stiles rolled his eyes. It appeared not.

Stiles tossed his drink right in his face as Danny came into view.

The man instantly began making a commotion.

Danny looked shocked. "Dude what the hell? Who is he?"

Stiles saw a bouncer looking inquisitively at them as he drew closer. The jungle had a strict no drink throwing and no bitch slapping policy. It upset the vibe and sales. Stiles apologized as loudly as he could, so he was heard by many people over the music. "Sorry. Biphobe. Thems the breaks. Sometimes you gotta toss a drink in an asshole's face for saying you don't belong here." The people around them instantly gave the soaked man dirty looks.

The tall bulky black man gripped the asshole's arm and started to pull him towards the door. He had an intimidating aura, but Stiles could tell there was kindness and understanding behind those completely unnecessary glasses for the dark club.

Stiles noticed a magenta, blue, and purple pin on the bouncers jacket. He gave a thumbs up. "I like your pin."

The bouncer just gave him a private smile. "I like your eyes."

Stiles gaped and looked to Danny. When he looked back the bouncer was gone as was the man.

Danny looked at him shocked. "Dude, Bubbles from Lilo and Stitch just flirted with you! No fair!"

Stiles calmed and fell into the conversation. "What do you mean no fair?"

Danny scoffed. "I do not, and do not picture myself having a daddy kink, but if I did it would be for one man, and Bubbles from Lilo and Stitch only."

Stiles tilted his head back and forth in tentative agreement. "I guess he does exude a vibe of protection."

---

They were enough drinks in that he was still in control, but his vigorous nodding made the room shift slightly. "His hands! You're absolutely right! I've been a fool!"

Danny laughed and pushed away his face. "You're loud."

Stiles stuck out his tongue.

Danny pushed his empty drink to the edge of the table. "Why aren't you trying to find someone to hook up with?"

Stiles was taken off guard more that he would've been sober. "What? What do you mean, I'm enjoying a night out with my boy."

Danny looked sympathetic. "Did ending that thing with Jason when we left college hurt you more than you thought it would?"

Stiles had to wrack his brain for a moment to think of who Jason was. "What? No. He was just a booty call. No feelings there."

Danny looked puzzled. "Then why?"

"Maybe I've had enough dating in college."

Danny scoffed and shook his head. "I introduced you to my friend Marcus who loves comics and puppies and is so your type. I pointed out a great fuck that you turned down, and we both know from college we don't mind sharing. I told you about a guy I've seen around a few nights that only talks to guys that look like you. You've shot them all down. You, Stiles Stilinski, who loves to date, to have sex, and just generally get to know new people. I've been keeping Lydia off your back, but now I want to know. What happened?"

Stiles started to sweat and he tried to come up with a lie that normally would already be off his lips. He tried to think of a way out, but couldn't find one.

The song switched right as he opened his mouth and Stiles thanked the gods. "This is our song! We haven't danced all night!"

Danny looked firm, but he cast a glance to the moving bodies. "Explanation after?" Danny was terrible at interrogation, he usually didn't care unless someone wanted to tell him.

Stiles nodded knowing full well Danny wouldn't leave the dance floor, without finding someone to leave with. "Let's dance."

In college Stiles had managed to figure out that songs had rhythms and had become quite the dancer. His hips moved sinfully and he knew where to put his hands now, but every once and awhile he would throw in a move that reminded Danny of just how far he had come.

They had separated several songs ago and found new partners. Stiles had danced with a lot of people, but never the same person twice and if they got too handsy he moved on. He was just there with his friend to have a good time. He was actually starting to have fun and enjoy the night without worrying.

He had pushed away some rather insistent wandering hands when Danny came up behind him to whisper into his ear, "There's this really creepy guy watching you."

"What?" Stiles' mind instantly raced. Was it a werewolf from a rival pack? Kanima? Witch? He pissed of an incubus one time. Scratch that, he's pissed of pretty much every supernatural being he's ever met at one point or another. He couldn't see through the moving crowd enough to catch any faces.

Danny leaned in and grabbed Stiles' hip so they didn't get separated on the dance floor. He repeated a little louder, but if he wasn't so close it would be lost to the loud music, "There's a creepy guy watching you. I think he'll go away if he thinks we're together."

Stiles heart had picked up and he leaned back into Danny's comforting embrace. "Okay." Stiles wondered if he should call someone, just in case it was a supernatural issue.

Danny turned him around, but kept glancing over Stiles' shoulder out of the crowd to look for the creep. "He's still staring. Grind on me."

They had done this so much in college to lure cute boys Stiles didn't even think twice. He tried to seem like Danny and him were together. They danced for a few verses.

Danny shook his head with worry. "Okay, he's clenching his fists now. I don't think it's working Stiles. I'm going to kiss you."

Stiles' eyes went wide. "Wait Danny I have a-"

Danny kissed him.

It was chaste, but still made his stomach roll. "Well, did it work?"

Danny was squinting his eyes, but they went wide with shock and something like fear. "Shit, no. He looks like he's going to murder me! Fuck, he just slammed his drink and is coming over here."

"What! Oh my God we have to call someone!" Stiles' voice was panicked. He could fight, but he was slightly tipsy and if Danny was worried, Stiles was. Besides, if he was supernatural Stiles didn't have a chance without something to defend himself with.

"Take my hand. We have to go closer to the bar." Danny laced their fingers together.

Stiles had just hit dial as a firm hand grabbed his arm not currently being dragged by Danny. Stiles let out a shriek. Before he could turn around to face the attacker he was pulled out of his grip by Danny and was now behind him.

"Leave him alone asshole!"

A phone started ringing.

The guy looked absolutely murderous. "I want to talk to Stiles."

"How do you know his name creep?!" Danny spat at him.

Stiles peered around Danny, "Wait... Derek?"

"Stiles do you know him?" Danny asked unsure, he looked at the semi familiar man and tried to place him.

"Yes he does." The man stated gruffly.

Stiles flushed with embarrassment. "He's my boyfriend."

Danny's face lit with recognition, then confusion again. "Cousin Miguel?"

"Derek." He spoke with that same cold, flat tone. Derek still looked terrifying as he reached into his pocket and answered his phone staring at Stiles.

Stiles lifted his own phone and spoke, "Um, hello?"

"You better have a really good explanation that takes less than five minutes, or I'm dumping you."

Danny looked at him with a shocked look. "I didn't buy that Miguel story for a second, but you're dating him? Wait Derek as in, alpha hottie Hale, Derek? You're dating the pack alpha?! Does the pack know? Well, that explains why Lydia couldn't set you up. Huh, I guess Issac wins the pot. He was the only one who thought you had someone else. Wait till Jackson hears he was wrong about you getting a girl pregnant."

Stiles' eyes went wide. "You can't tell them!"

Derek interjected with a blank face. "Yeah, especially since in about four and a half minutes he won't actually be dating me anymore."

Stiles turned to him frazzled. "Can you just stop for a moment!"

Danny had his phone out and went to unlock it, but Stiles batted his hands down.

Stiles huffed. "Look, everyone stop! I need to explain to both of you." He turned to Derek with a pleading look. "I have to talk to Danny real quick, but I promise you." Stiles' voice was filled with emotion and dripped with sincerity, "I promise you, nothing is going on with me and Danny and I can explain everything, but if I don't talk to him first, he will text Lydia while we're talking and you and I agreed we don't want that. He has had too much liquor to not know it is a bad idea, and not enough to be incoherent enough for Lydia to not believe him."

Derek looked deeply into his eyes and sighed. "You're lucky I know when you're lying."

Stiles let out a relieved breath and rested their foreheads together. "Thank God for heartbeats."

In the next second he was snatching Danny's phone and dragging him off to another side of the club.

Derek uselessly whispered after him, "I don't need your heartbeat to know."

Stiles pulled Danny to a quiet and private enough corner.

Stiles was breathless and spoke in a rush, "Look, you can't tell the pack. Now before you get snippy about them needing to know, just listen. Derek and I started to text a lot our second to last year. We got close, but decided not to date until I was done with college. We both didn't wait for each other, but we never got into something too serious. We've been taking it slow ever since I got back. And we don't want the pack to know yet."

Danny gave him a speculative look. "How slow?"

Stiles rolled his eyes. "We've had sex. Lots. The whole me being frustrated thing? Different type of frustration. Definitely not from lack of sex."

Danny put his hands up with an easy grin. "I just wanted to make sure you weren't squandering all of that. Like hot damn Stilinski. You got a good one."

Stiles' face went soft. "Yeah I do."

"Then why don't you want the pack to know?"

Stiles looked over to where Derek was standing. He was far enough back to not be able to hear them, but close enough for Stiles to be able to signal if he needed help. He had a beer and one of Stiles' favorite drinks in the table beside him. He had found Stiles' hoodie and draped it over the chair so they wouldn't forget it. He knew Stiles always forgot his coat when he was drunk. Stiles smiled at him, even though he wasn't looking before turning back to Danny. "Because he's the type you marry."

Stiles scratched the back of his head and continued, "And I don't want to mess that up, but if I do, the pack knowing would make it a thousand times worse. They would be all sad and comforting and they would look at us if we're ever in a room together. And I don't want that. Even if things go wrong, I don't want us to feel weird. We're pack. And if we did split I don't want everyone thinking they had to pick sides or that we can't be friends anymore. I guess that's what I've been worrying about so much lately, if we are right for each other. I just want to know that this is right, that we are sure before we involve the pack or my dad. I just, I've been worried about losing him and how much it would hurt. God I've always worried about losing people since my mom, but I don't think I could lose him. Especially not if we tell everyone. If we tell them it makes it real, it means it will hurt more if we don't work out or if something happens. The pack means everything to us and if they know it means it has to work." Stiles looked down.

Danny nodded. "I get that, but when are you going to tell them? When will you know? Because it sounds like you already know Derek is the type you marry. Stiles, you don't actually have to marry him to be sure. You just have to see it. When you think of your future, is he in it? You talk like you're sure, just scared."

Stiles instantly pictured a big restored house and family enjoying themselves in the yard. He looked over and Derek was smiling at him with the smile he had only seen when they weren't with other people. He reached out to Stiles with a hand that had a silver band.

Stiles looked up to meet Danny's eyes and then he found Derek's across the room. Despite the weird circumstances Derek still smiled at him. Not like he was doing it as a courtesy. Like he loved him so much and he couldn't help it. "He isn't in it. He is it." Stiles turned back with a wide smile and tears in his eyes. "He's my future Danny."

Danny smiled back. "I won't tell the pack, but I think you should."

Stiles nodded as a giggle bubbled out of his throat. He started to back away as he spoke, "Do you need a ride?"

Danny smirked. "I think I might go home with tall, dark, and into me, but if not I'll use my app to call a ride. Go get your boy."

Stiles nodded and turned with a grin.

He found him where he knew he would be. Derek was a pensive drinker so his beer was almost gone. When he got to the table Stiles chugged his drink and Derek raised an eyebrow. "I have to tell you something, so I need the liquid courage."

Derek set his jaw. "I don't want to do this here. It's too loud. Let's go to my car."

Stiles was practically bursting with nerves by the time they got in the car.

They sat in silence for a few moments while Derek brooded and Stiles chewed his lip. When Derek reached to turn on the car Stiles stopped him and grabbed his hand. He smiled at it before pulling it close enough to push his lips softly against his knuckles.

Derek looked pained. "Stiles-"

"I love your hands." He snorted. "Even more than Bubble's"

Derek looked at him with raised eyebrows. "How much have you had?"

"Too much so I want to be as close to you for as long as I can, but sadly not enough to not know I can't cuddle you every second of every day."

Derek considered it for a moment. Fuck it, if this was going to be the last time he was close, he was going to be so close it hurt. Derek reached between his legs to the lever and slid back his seat. He tilted it to the perfect angle they had found and Stiles brightened. He climbed over the console and straddled his lap. Stiles settled in on top of him and tucked his head into his neck. Derek tried to not lose it as he felt the emotions welling up. He held onto Stiles' legs to ground himself.

Stiles kissed his neck softly. "I kissed Danny because he said some creep was staring at me." Derek could feel his smile pressed to his neck, then Stiles poked his side. "That's you. He thought you would go away if I was spoken for."

Derek gripped his legs harder.

"But if I would've known it was you, I could've told him that wouldn't work at all. Because, you see, I am spoken for. By you. Only by you. I only belong with you Derek."

Derek's grip relaxed, but he still asked, "Why were you there with him? I went out to pick up food and when I saw your Jeep here I was so confused."

Stiles didn't know where to start with that one. "Because he told me I'm the type you marry. And be-"

Derek grabbed him by the shoulders enough to pull him back. Derek looked positively sick to his stomach. "He wants to marry you?!"

Stiles tried to figure out where the conversation had been and where he meant it to be, all the while trying to figure out how the hell it got were it was. "What?"

"What did you say?"

"Nothing! He doesn't want to marry me, that's why he said he wouldn't date me!"

Derek looked no less hurt or shocked, but somehow more confused. "You asked him to date you?!"

"What? No! In college I asked him why he wouldn't date me. That was his answer, because I'm the type you marry."

Derek took a deep breath. "You're so confusing when you're drunk." Derek laughed lightly. "You're so confusing when you're sober."

Stiles looked petulant. "Can't you focus please?"

"Can't you make a point please?" Derek snarked.

"I'm the type you marry, and you're also the type you marry. Well not you, me."

Derek's eyebrows furrowed. "Stiles if you're suggesting we get drunk married in Vegas, you do realize I have to be drunk too? So that way I can't be the voice of reason."

Stiles sighed. "Ughhh you're not listening!" Stiles put both hands on each side of Derek's face with a bit too much force. "Danny tried to take me out to set me up, but he just made me realize something. I want to marry you. Not yet, but I do. Sometime. I don't want to be engaged yet either, but I wouldn't be opposed to that happening. Then we could get married. Maybe in the fall. Not the next next fall, that's too soon. Maybe summer though, because the next next next fall is too far away. I want to be married to you." Stiles looked into his eyes with tears brimming. "I want to love you every day of my life."

Derek just sat there with an open mouth and raised eyebrows. "I don't even know what to say to that."

Stiles smiled, but fidgeted. "Do you want that too?"

Derek spoke immediately, slightly breathlessly, "Yes."

"Then I think you could say, I love you too Stiles."

Derek pulled him by his neck down to kiss him. He leaned back and looked into Stiles' eyes with shining ones. "I love you too, Stiles. I want to love you for the rest of our lives."

Stiles smiled and kissed him again before leaning his forehead against Derek's.

"God I hope you're not too drunk to remember this. Or regret it in the morning."

Stiles smiled at him. "Take me home and fall asleep with me. Let's find out in the morning, lover."

Derek hugged Stiles to his chest with a crushing grip. "I will kill you if you forget this."

Stiles nodded into his neck. "Noted." He pulled back and climbed back to his seat.

"Please tell me Danny doesn't need a ride."

"He's fine. I checked before I left. He's more sober than me, and hard pressed I could probably fool my father in all except the breathalyzer."

"I don't think you'd pass any test. You got drunk enough to say you'd marry me."

Stiles looked over to him and shook his head. "I didn't get drunk enough to say it, stupid. I got drunk enough to finally realize it."

Derek pulled out of the parking lot and Stiles jolted. "Oh and I think we should tell the pack now!"

Derek smiled. "Yeah? Because of the proposal?"

Stiles rolled his eyes. "I did not propose. I just said that I would eventually be open to asking or saying yes."

Derek reached over and placed his hand on Stiles' thigh and swept his thumb in soothing motions. "I think we should too, darling."

Stiles laced their fingers together and smiled at the road ahead of them.

---

Stiles had a wide grin as he looked at the green lawn around him and the pack that filled it. It was a perfect summer day for the party. There was a game of frisbee and gossip circles his dad was even milling about close to the congrats cake hand in hand with Melissa.

Stiles looked down to the cool metal he was still getting used to. He smiled at it resting against the picnic table. The day had been filled with many congratulations and more than enough tears. Most from his father. Who joked he'd never thought he'd met someone stupid enough to propose to Stiles, but when he met Derek he knew. They both had been offended by that, but quickly forgave him when he said he had to give his two boys grief. Scotty had just beamed at Stiles and said he was happy he found his Allison. Jackson even showed up with his husband and smiled at them.

He was brought out of his thoughts by Danny sitting down on the side opposite of him.

After Derek knew he wasn't trying to steal his man, and was the reason they finally pulled their heads out of their asses about telling the pack, he took a liking to him. Stiles was awed by how well he fit in with everyone and some how he hadn't been there before. Eventually the pack wore him down enough that he joined. Erica was a menace and the best recruitment agent.

"So I guess no matter how awesome I was in college, I didn't get this one right. Some matchmaker I am."

"Actually..." Stiles smiled and went to his pocket for the piece of paper he had brought for this moment. It was crinkled from when he crumpled it to throw away, but saved last minute to show Scott.

He slid the smoothed out post-it note over to Danny and he read it out loud, "Stiles, marry 'cousin Miguel' He's hot and so not your cousin."

Danny let out a bark of laughter. "I forgot I wrote this."

Stiles shrugged. "So you were right."

He looked up when he heard someone clear their throat. Derek held out a hand and Stiles' eyes were drawn to that silver band. "I think it's time for cake, before your dad eats it all with his eyes. Come along beloved."

Stiles rolled his eyes, but took his hand as he got up. "You can't call me that if you don't call me that when we're all old and wrinkled."

Derek used their entwined hands to yank him closer to his chest. "If I don't call you pet names when we are old and wrinkled, it is because I have forgotten every word that compares to how much I love you."

"Sap."

Derek grinned. "You love it."

Stiles rolled his eyes and looked into Derek's. "I love you."

Derek beamed and held up his hand proudly. "Yeah you do! You're gonna be stuck with me."

Stiles replied with adoration in his eyes, "I already am."

"Guuuys! Cake."

Their eyes didn't move from each other as they spoke in unison.

"Shut up Cora."

"Cora fuck off."

Stiles dropped his voice lower, "I think we should stay here and make them wait. Or we could excuse ourselves for a moment and have sex upstairs."

"You're terrible. Utterly deviant. That's such a good idea." Derek rested their noses together.

"I know."

Derek smiled. "But cake. You love cake."

Stiles grinned lecherously. "I also love other things I can put in my mouth."

"Dude, gross!"

"Eavesdrop on the newly engaged couple and you deserve what you hear Scott!" Stiles shouted.

Derek was beaming and Stiles looked at him confused. "You hate when I embarrass you. Wha-"

"You're engaged to me. I'm engaged to you. We're engaged. It sounds so..."

Stiles finished for him, "Weird. But good."

Derek had a momentary flash of doubt. "You feel like this is right too, right?"

Stiles nodded. "The kind of right that makes you sure nothing but this was ever supposed to happen. I'm meant to marry you Derek Hale, and you're meant to marry me. Come witches, werewolves, Jackson being a lovable asshole, or fighting over what colors to paint the house I'm going to be with you through it all. Our lives were meant to be given to each other. Why else do you think I keep saving your sourwolf ass?" Stiles' emotional face faded to a smirk.

Derek looked contemplative for a second before he looked certain. "Were you exaggerating when you said you didn't want to plan a wedding and have a big fancy party?"

Stiles looked suspicious. "I don't need any of that. What are you talking about Derek?"

Derek looked excited. "Look me in the eyes and tell me everything you need for your future isn't in this yard. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't want to start that life."

Stiles still looked confused.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't want it today. Just say it and I'll wait. I'll wait for you to decide which flowers you like best. I'll wait to think over who's side Erica is on. I'll wait to let you pick out a tux. I'll wait for you to go back and forth on a venue until you realize that under the tree right next to our house is perfect. I'll wait for the day saying things like our house doesn't make me feel impatient. I'll wait for that God awfully long walk down the aisle. Tell me right now and I swear to God Stiles I'll wait for it all. But if you want it today as bad as I do, I'll carry you to the courthouse."

Stiles grinned at him. "I'm the type you marry, Derek Hale. So what are you waiting for?"

They met in the middle and there was so much love in that kiss it almost ached.

Erica smirked and shouted as everyone handed her and Melissa dollar bills. "Everyone get your ass in a vehicle. It doesn't matter which one. We have a wedding to attend."

Derek and his father both signed the papers with shaky hands and teared eyes.

When they were declared the Stilinski-Hales Stiles let out a punched breath. He looked over at Derek through the tears left over from their vows and he smiled.

Derek beamed wide and bright as Stiles thought to himself. This, this is what my future looks like.

This is for @sterek-bingo

#Sterek #sterek fluff #sterek fanfiction #sterek bingo 2020 #sterekbingo #sterekbingo2020 #Stiles #stiles stilinski #teen wolf stiles #derek x stiles #stiles x derek #Derek #derek hale #teen wolf #teenwolf #werewolf #sbwedding #sbnightclub #sbmatchmaking #danny mahealani #some how i snuck wedding in at the end even though it wasnt planned idk #jealousderek #dorks in love #danny is a matchmaking hero #carterpostsshit #cartersmasterlist

[cosmiclatte28]

Single (Jeno x you)

a/n : i may forgot how to write (?) anyways this is a jeno piece I work quickly today for @neopalette

hope this is entertaining enough and to all dream stans out there this is for you :D 

setting is all dream members considered to be in the same age as you. 

enjoy!!

People have been pestering you with the same question, “Why are you still single?”

Well you cannot really answer them and say, “I don’t know why don’t you date me?” As much as you want to shut them up with those words, you knew it’ll only turn awkward.

Well to be honest, you've been asking yourself that. It's not that you're unattractive or unsocial. You're the total opposite! Cute, caring, and fun.

You have friends or a group of school's princes as your hang out friends. It's just a lucky coincidence. You're the childhood best friend of Jeno and that guy’s really like your brother (despite the same age you share). He always brings you to his outings and you slowly develop a good friendship with the boys.

What irks other people is that the fact you're in a position every girl is willing to die for. Standing on the side of the class, leaning to the wall while laughing with a circle of the most popular guys in the school.

Now their question is, why are the boys so attached to you and why are you not dating anyone of them? Well, first you do want to date anyone of them. Literally anyone because you feel so chill and relax around them. They make you feel save too! But what is this? Friendzone? Maybe. Or “I see you as my sister.”

One day as you walk through the hall with one of the boys, Jeno, both of you overheard a group of girls talking.

“I know right, there's no way she is not leeching over them. Did she use some magic? She's so usual like us why do they choose her?”

“You're right its either she pays them, or she buys them with money. She came from a quiet decent family. No way she is not crushing anyone there. If she does not, she's crazy.”

You try to ignore them, but your heart is sad. No, you do not “buy" your friendship. They even treat you more than you did to them.

Jeno heard them and apparently, he was riled up and he went to the group of girls who looked shocked but tried to act normal.

“Excuse me pretty girls,” he nicely greets them with his smile and friendly composition. You close your eyes, knowing this will just give you trouble.

They look struck by Jeno’s close presence and melt into his charm. “I am here to remind you, what you’re doing is making false rumor and that is not good. It doesn’t suit you.”

Jeno forces a deadly smile and turns his heels back to you when the girls nod their head like they heard him clear. Their eyes found yours and you already gulp down the heavy lump in your throat when they send you a death glare.

“What are you doing?” you question Jeno once he returns to your side and starts walking as if nothing happens.

“Just reminding some girls what they’re doing is not good.” He shrugs his shoulder “You should speak up you know. You’re a great listener to us and what they said were wrong, so you should speak up.”

You nod “I know, it’s hard Jeno. I’ll let them think of me that way, besides you guys know my real side, why do I have to bother them.”

That actually makes a little bit of sense according to you and Jeno, but when you meet the gang during lunch break and Jeno told them what happened, well the boys cannot keep it low.

“I’m not going to help them anymore.” Renjun scoffs when he hears the story.

“You should really speak up (y/n)! You’re our amazing friend and we cannot let them think of you this way.” Jisung chimes in, which is something rare.

You smile and laugh “Thanks guys, but this doesn’t sound like you at all. I am the one getting judged, why are you the confused one? Besides what bothers me is not that, but something else.”

“And what exactly is that?” Haechan suddenly pops into the discussion. He surprised all of you, well earlier Mark and him were called for a help in the teacher’s room, and you guys were sitting on the backyard (a rare meeting place) so it’s a surprise they found you.

“I cannot tell you now. I promise I’ll tell you once I am ready.” You fiddle with your uniform skirt.

“Okay, we won’t push you.” Jeno smiles at you and you thank the others as the bell of the last quarter rang.

--

You spend the last quarter lost in your own mind. You keep on questioning yourself, is it true you look like that in other people’s eyes. Of course they do not know what happened between you and the boys behind their back.

You listened to every single problem they have, they share it to you through messages at the middle of the nights. Each slowly opening up to you, showing their vulnerable sides. You never judge them, instead you comfort them by staying with them. Just listening and being there for them. They like you because of that and you never share their secrets to the other. It started with Jisung opening up to you, then Chenle, then the harder shells to read like Jaemin Jeno and Renjun. Mark and Hyuck also lately come to you for sharing sessions.

You know people do not have to know that to clap and give you recognitions, you did this out of empathy and care. Plus they make a good gang to play and have fun with. Having a friendship bond with boys is less dramatic and more fun.

You push a smile back to hide your own emotion and luckily they bought it when you say “Let’s not bother or mind what others think about me. As long as you know the real me, I am glad with it.”

--

“You should stop acting like you’re fine.” Your longest best friend says when both of you have parted ways with the others and walk side by side on the empty road.

You look at Jeno and he doesn’t have his friendly smile on. His face looks serious.

“I am fine, but I could probably use a boyfriend card to take care of me and make me finer.” You joke around a little bit. Teasing the boys about you wanting a boyfriend is always fun.

They always say no but they never cross the line because they are afraid that being in a relationship with you may cut the nice friendship if things go wrong (break ups!)

“You’re still questioning that?” Jeno sighs, you’ve been talking about this to him. You always code him that you want to know what it’s like to be in a relationship, but Jeno just says “You’ll regret the drama”. He did date a few girls but finally settle on being single until he is ready for commitments. You, on the other hand, are single from birth. You always befriend boys to the point where they’re too comfortable with you to see you in a romantic way.

“Well I always wonder why and where did I do wrong.” You shrug your shoulder

“I want to be in a relationship! I want to know what it’s like to  have someone take care of me, or me taking care of them. I want short goodnight and good morning texts. I want to walk with them home and maybe grab some bite along the way while we discuss small things. Oh and I want to just you know sit together, listen to a music from a shared earphone and act like we’re the main characters of a movie!” you have stars in your eyes and as Jeno stares into the sky, he notices the beautiful sunset.

“You’re being single for too long. I tell you, that did not always happen.” He mocks your ridiculous idea and playfully ruffles your hair “You read too much fantasies.”

“I never read them.” You glare at him and he nods “Now that explains why you also sound so clueless about relationship. Look, it’s not as simple as saying I love yous and holding hands in public. There’s more and as much as I hate to tell you this… I have to.” He pauses and you stop walking.

You look at him. Waiting for Jeno to continue “Look, you don’t need a boyfriend right now. You’re taking care of so many people and that’s great, but that is time consuming already. If you have a boyfriend, then you will pay more attention to them and counting the time you spend taking care of us, will make you neglect your life and study and fail school. Which is something I do not want to happen.”

Your eyebrow raise “Conclusion?”

“You don’t need a boyfriend, or at least right now you should focus on taking care of yourself. You did a lot to us, let us take care of you in return.” Jeno whispers, and deep inside his heart he adds “or maybe let me take care of you in a way you always wish to get. You don’t know how much I love you and seeing you want a boyfriend only pains me. Will I be ready to lose you?”

“Fine. It’s not like I can buy one from a store.” You start walking again and Jeno follows you.

“Silly idea, ignore that okay.” You feel shy about saying that to him, what will Jeno think of you? A creepy freak.

NO. IN JENO’S HEAD YOU LOOK SUPER CUTE. WANTING TO HAVE A BOYFIE, EVEN GOING INTO THE DETAILS.

“Alright, this is it, good bye and good night (y/n)” Jeno waves as you enter your porch and open the door. You look to the house right next to yours, separated just by a wall. Yes he is your neighbor.

“Good night Jeno! Thank you for accompanying me.” You disappear behind the door and continue your lonely life.

“Hey Jaehyun hyung-“ you greet your brother who is amazingly already homed already at this time.

“Oh hey, dinner is on the table.” He juts his chin to the dining table and your eyes fall to the set of plates.

“You’ve eaten?” you ask while washing your hands, getting ready to change and eat.

He nods “Boss was awful today, I got home quickly and was hungry. Sorry I left you to eat by yourself.”

“Any news about mom?” you ask when you’re back on the table ready to eat.

Jaehyun still sits in front of the TV, looks like he is having a bad day and is afraid of lashing emotions to you, thus he avoids you.

“She’s probably with that man again. No news.” He sounds bitter. Well, after father left mom also left to find another man. You were left alone with your brother, who has to work hard for you and him.

“Help me with some clothes will you?” Jaehyun asks when you’re done cleaning up and washing the dish. “We need to deliver the laundries to the neighbors.” Jaehyun stands up from his seat and goes back to you with a packed fresh clothes.

You and your brother run a small laundry services for the neighbors here. Well, your family left both of you with the house and utilities inside them, one of which is a laundry machine and a dryer. So for additional income you and Jaehyun did laundries.

“It’s by the end of the road, can you please drop this tomorrow morning? I am taking the one on the other side.” He shows you which packages should go where and with that you leave to your room.

You’re glad your father still pays for your tuition, but you have to keep your scholarship going or you’ll be in trouble. Right as you finish studying and doing your papers, your phone vibrates and Jeno’s name appear.

“Good night (y/n), sweet dreams!”

You glance to the window and look into the window across yours, it’s Jeno’s room and you can see his silhouette sitting on his desk probably still gaming. You smile a little and text him back and the next thing you see is his room going dark. Oh he really is sleeping!

You set your alarm and also take the long awaited sleep you needed.

--

“Good morning (y/n) oh and Jaehyun hyung!” Jeno greets you and Jaehyun on the front of your house. Jaehyun’s locking the door and taking his bike to work.

“Morning Jeno.” You feel happier with this kind of small acts. It’s not new, but something about his smile and genuine happiness is making you energized.

“Don’t forget to drop the laundry.” Jaehyun said after hugging you goodbye.

You don’t forget. With Jeno on your side, you walk to the house on the edge and knock on their door to deliver the package and receive the money. It’s nothing big, but definitely enough to buy you lunch and safe some for the piggy bank.

“Still running the laundry business eh?” he looks surprised, guess you usually deliver them not in the morning or he’d known already.

“Yes, usually I send them near evening, but today is special. Imagine if the school finds out I am doing this, maybe they’ll stop saying I bought my friendship, right?” you try to liven up the mood but Jeno is in pain.

“Let’s just enjoy the day!” Jeno boldly hugs your shoulder from the side and drags you with him into the school.

“Woah what’s with the sudden closeness??” Jaemin interrogates once he saw you and Jeno entering the school in an uncommon way, which is Jeno bringing your bag and having you on his back.

“She fell on the way here, and I guess she has to check her ankles and clean her wound.” Jeno shuffles you up on  his back and you hide your face from the stares.

“Oh hurry then! I’ll help with the bags. Leave it here, Renjun can help me.” Jaemin takes over your stuffs and Jeno makes a run to the nurse office. There is still no one on duty, but he knows basic help.

He washes the blood carefully and puts disinfectant to your scrap, you almost kick him but his reflects are quick.

“I think your ankle is swelling. I am no professional but that is not normal.” He points to your ankle and right, its not.

“Do you want me to stay here? We can skip the first quarter and wait until you feel better. You fell hard earlier, did you black out?” Jeno sounds worried. Well he remembered how you suddenly wobble, lose balance and fell before Jeno could catch you.

“Forgot breakfast I guess.” You bite your lips and Jeno in a dash of an eye has fled from the room and return with a pack of milk and sandwich.

“Eat, or you’ll faint again.” He gently opens the wrapper for you and like his promise stays with you there.

“Want to listen to this?” he suddenly hands you one earphone piece and you pick it up carelessly. Not realizing that Jeno has been doing the things you wish to receive from a man.

“Nice song,” you comment as you focus with your left ear to the music playing. You don’t feel anything weird until break time comes and Renjun surprises both of you.

“Oh sorry for disturbing! I was just going to check on you but I guess I came in the wrong time.” He chuckles nervously and disappears before you can call him and say nothing is happening.

That’s when you lock eyes with Jeno, one piece of earphone connecting both of your ear and he was near to you. Oh now you understand.

“He thought we were in a moment?” you giggle

Jeno smiles, he loves seeing you this happy. He laughs too and brushes your hair away “This is it right? Something you want to experience. Getting taken care of, doing cheesy things like this.” He teases you

Realization hits you late and you laugh until a tear escapes your eye “You’re right! This… oh gosh! Jeno are you trying to let me feel this sensation?”

“What sensation?” his heart suddenly beats faster.

“Like I am treasured and getting taken care of? I feel loved??” you sound so happy and that makes Jeno both happy and sad. Happy to see your genuine laugh and sad why hasn’t he noticed this sooner.

“You deserve this (y/n), and I am stupid for not realizing this sooner.” He holds your hand and gives it a gentle squeeze.

You suddenly feel butterflies in your stomach, Jeno’s close body doesn’t help your heart beat slower and the music playing in your ear is no longer clear. You can only hear your heart beating faster and your eyes are only locked inside Jeno’s deep warm eyes. Why did you not notice this? His eyes are warm and comfortable. You never want to cut this moment.

“I’m going to break the rules, why don’t we try to step further like more than friends?” he turns red and you are sure your cheeks are also red.

“Guess we can try and see where it leads us to,” you sing song give him the green light.

“Okay then, from now on, don’t be surprised if I change into your dreamy boyfriend type.” He winks and you laugh. Life’s great and you’re happy whenever you are with Jeno.

Maybe you both did not realize that life brought you together for a long time not just to be friends but something more.

That something, is going to be decided when both of you are ready to find out!

For now, you’re glad that Jeno took the first step into getting to know you as more than friends, and you are more than ready to share what you’re dealing with to Jeno.

  end

#jeno imagines #jeno scenarios #jeno x you #jeno x y/n #jeno x reader #jeno soft hours #jeno oneshot #jeno fanfic #nct dream fanfic #nct dream fic #nct dream fluff #jeno fluff #jeno packs #lee jeno #jeno #nct jeno #nct dream masterlist #nct dream scenarios #nct dream imagines

[dysphxtric]

Mental Illness - My Mental Health Story

TW: Depression, Anxiety, Self harm, Suicide, Sexual Harassment

“You should smile more.”

“It could be worse.”

“Just don’t think about it.”

These were the phrases I heard throughout all of my elementary and high school years. There was never a time when my peers and teachers, would not mention some bizarre, ignorant statement revolving around mental health. Not to mention, my family also contributed heavily to the stigmatization of mental health issues. Essentially, my family approached the subject of mental health with extreme hesitation, they refused to talk about how it affects people of all age, gender, ethical background (etc.) Every time I would say “I’m feeling lost” my family would automatically dismiss my frantic worries and it was not any different when I went to school. My peers would continuously remind me that my pain was not valid and that I need to stop being so sensitive. My primary parental figures, my mother and brother did not have the adequate knowledge or tools to be able to hold space for me. I would frequently hear my mom say, “I could understand someone suffering from PTSD feeling upset or sad but you’re so young and healthy honey, you have nothing to worry about” or the old classic “Someone else has it worse than you”. Whether I was at home or at school, I heard the same ignorant statements spewing out from what felt like everyone. And I could never comprehend what was the point of these falsely “encouraging” statements and why profusely use them? These kinds of statements do not uplift, nor do they empower those struggling with mental health issues, if anything it makes it extremely debilitating when your emotions are not acknowledged nor validated. One cannot expect to simply brush away another person’s emotion, thought or feeling as though it means nothing.

With that being said, growing up, I lived in a dysfunctional household alongside my mother, my older brother, and my grandmother. My mother would always be juggling work, schooling, and her dating life. My brother was very reluctant about staying home so he would always vanish after school, hang out with friends, party hard and engage with various street substances. Now my grandmother? It was not long after she immigrated that she began to immerse herself within the Jehovah’s Witnesses ideology and “religiously” strayed away from us as my mother likes to say. My mother was never fond of religious practices that were not “orthodox”. My grandmother wanted to indoctrinate my mom, brother, and I into joining her religious little club but failed which resulted in countless fights, yelling matches, and multiple dents left in our walls. The back and forth with the yelling was what scared me most in my childhood even if it was over something as small as not closing the cabinet door. I think it was around this time period I experienced violence/ trauma at home and truth be told I was extremely stressed and anxious all the time as a kid. My mother would cover the punched indents by taking magazines and sticking pages onto the indent. Often times my stomach would turn as I looked at the pages covering the area where my brother punched the wall with brutal force. Moreover, I felt impending sadness because all I ever wanted was for everyone in my family to be able coexist and not argue. I was trying to keep the peace between everyone, yet I was always the one that got caught in the middle of everything whether I liked it or not. I would get blamed a lot for trying to mend things for everyone. Even though all I wanted was the best for all my family members.

Fast forward to my pre-teen/ teenage years. By this point, my brother and grandmother were no longer living under the same roof as my mother and I. My brother was living with his ex-girlfriend while working as a security guard meanwhile my grandmother was living in her own little subsidized apartment preaching the word of Jehovah. At that particular time, my mother and I lived in a marvellous urban semi-detached house in a peaceful neighbourhood. My mother’s boyfriend had moved in with us and for the most part I was really happy because at least it was not just me and her.

My mother’s boyfriend lived with us while I was going to school. He was a really nice, caring and warm-hearted individual although I could never understand why my mother argued with him so much. I once told him “You should propose to her, I can see you two together forever” to which he replied with a welcoming smile.

But eventually just like with all good things, there comes an end. The inevitable breakup my mom went through was very bitter and I had to be there for her. Afterall, I was technically the only child that was around to emotionally comfort her. Ironically, the breakup occurred during the time I was being bullied in school. And it was difficult to be fully present for my mother while dealing with a lot of negativity at school. I had been experiencing cyber bullying on MSN by a bunch of peers calling me “weird”, “ugly” and “different”. To make matters worse, the group of kids that bullied me online ended up following me everywhere I went for recess which posed as a big obstacle for my well being. I had to eat inside the portables when teachers weren’t around or inside the girl’s bathroom stall just to avoid being teased. I never felt like I had a safe space to myself where I could be vulnerable and open up. Not to mention, it was a difficult time and there was practically no one I could confide in. I didn’t have a social circle of supportive friends, after all I was an antisocial person. Fear washed over me as I worried about disclosing my unpleasant experience to my mother because she was already dealing with so much, the heartbreak, the bills, work problems (etc.), it was then and there that I decided to lie instead of telling the truth. Ultimately, lying became my cooping mechanism to deal with the ongoing pain.

I kept up the lying for a long time in order to make it seem like everything was okay. I lied to everyone from family members to school peers to the teaching staff to principals to counselors.

For the longest time, lying sheltered me from all sorts of unnecessary questions. No one could really tell whether I was truthful or disloyal because I was able to make it sound believable. When I was a teenager, I continued to go down the same destructive path by being dishonest with myself and others. Many times, the thought of suicide crossed my mind and when I started to think about it and plan/coordinate the intricate details it did not hit me that something was very wrong, and I needed urgent help. A big part of the problem was that I was so used to downplaying my pain, given my family circumstance and stigmatization I experienced growing up with. There is no denying that I would engage in negative self talk convincing myself that I deserved the pain and suffering for not being likeable enough or for not being smart enough.

Sometimes I think that is the thing… people do not understand that I lied because that was what I was required to do in order to survive my childhood. I, myself do not tolerate lying and I think it is a form of betrayal and if I were to be completely honest, I would have NEVER lied to my mom had it been safe for me to express myself authentically in my household.

I did not live in a household where it was safe to speak my mind freely and disagree with my mother. Disagreeing was always the last thing I wanted to do, disagreeing meant I got the belt, my devices would get confiscated or that I was going to get grounded. They say, “Honesty is the best policy” and I do not disagree however, it is not as black and white as one may think. In my situation, lying was not only an adaptive coping mechanism but it became a survival mechanism to keep me safe from harm/threat.

I did not have very much individuality growing up. I felt as though having an opinion of my own was bad. In order to perpetuate this fixated mindset that I had, my mother constantly deemed certain attributed behaviours or thoughts as “good” or “bad”. So, say you were upset about a recent breakup with your partner, my mother would scoff and say, “You know life isn’t just about love right?” and play it like it means nothing to the person affected by the situation.

The first time I ever felt depressed was when I was 13. At that age I did not understand why I was feeling what I was feeling. All I knew was that there was something wrong with me. It did not help when I was being picked on by my classmates telling me “Go die”, “You belong in a ditch ugly bitch.”

The moment when things started getting out of hand was when I was first started my Art and Family Studies class in the same semester. In both classes I was placed into groups amongst other students. In Family Studies I had to be in a collaborative group that would divide responsibilities and tasks accordingly. When it came to cooking, my group consisted of four snobby, rich yet immature peers who were unwilling to help and contribute in any shape or form, I had to become the bigger person and sure enough I took all the responsibilities on myself. Though, it was not a smart move. But I was super shy and felt anxious to do anything different least to say speak up and advocate for myself, so I did what I had to do which was prepare meals, clean, and wash the dishes. At the end of the day, none of my peers thanked me, the only thank you I got was getting groped while washing the dishes and getting laughed at.

After what happened I ran to my best friend in tears to tell her what happened just to find her say “It’s not that bad, you’ll be fine” I felt like my blood was going to boil and I was about to start fuming. I stood thinking “Huh, that is so weird, is this how you comfort a person after being sexually harassed?”

Not to sound all grim but that experience showed me that no one really cared about me. No one cared that I got groped or how I felt in that moment. Let alone not even my “best friend” who was supposed to fulfill her role and be there for me. All I wanted was comfort and to be heard out. I could not even tell my mother about this experience until I turned 21 because of how ashamed I felt carrying around that experience and not having the ability to open up and mourn what happened that day and to be able to heal that damaged part of myself. I carried that incident with me for 7 years in silence because I was scared of being honest.

That specific experience was very detrimental to my mental health. Everything began to spiral out of control, I sprawled into a dark depressive state. I began to have intense panic attacks, insomnia, forgetfulness (etc.) After a certain duration of time, I had thoughts of suicide lingering at the back of my head. I questioned my worth, my identity, my culture, my everything.

The bullying and name calling persisted and became so intense that I ended up missing weeks of school time. Some of the boys in my Art class found it funny to make fun of my last name and call me “Prostitute”.

One day in the early springtime, my Art teacher noticed the marks on my wrists as I was painting and had not said anything until I made it to my last period class. I was called down to the guidance counselors office and was interrogated with questions.

“It has come to our concern that one of the staff members noticed cuts on your arms.”

I sat in silence trying hard to contain my anxiety.

“Are you struggling with depression or low mood? Is everything okay at home?”

It came to the point when I got so tired of lying about my pain that I admitted “Yes, I am struggling, I need help”. I dived into the bullying occurrences, the cat calling, my low grades, my self-esteem, the groping, my home situation (etc). After that, I was told that my mother would have to be called down to the school for “safety” reasons even though my counselor promised not to disclose any personal information to my mother. My greatest fear was that I did not want my mom to know that something was wrong.

Of course, my mom came to my school. She was told everything that had happened. I met her at the counselor’s office just to find her wailing in distress “You are such an embarrassment” and “Your counselor told me what you did, how could you do this?”. When the counselor gave us resources for help, my mother grabbed the papers and shoved them into the trash, got up and yanked me out the office.

The next three days that followed, my mother withdrew into her room not saying a word to me. I felt really uneasy and upset. She had her right to be alone but locking herself away from me and avoiding communication altogether? Didn’t make much sense.

I felt extremely guilty for not opening up to my mother sooner. But instead of choosing to be compassionate and caring she chose to resort to anger. She furiously blamed me for being “quiet” and “not trustful” which all landed on my shoulders again. It was “my” fault I thought.

Bottling this up resulted in a full-blown mental breakdown. I could not focus or concentrate because of everything building up. It came to the point where my mom had to choose between living in a toxic community or starting fresh elsewhere.

And even though my mother kept subjecting me to her harmful stigmatizations, the transition from my old school to my new one helped me greatly. When we moved away, I gradually started to feel better emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Very quickly, I ended up adapting to my new high school where I finally made friends.

One thing I cannot deny is that there definitely was a silver lining to all of this. Although I went through severe bullying and torment at school and home, I managed to reclaim my power and through that I discovered my inner peace after being extracted from my toxic high school. The new school that I ended up attending completely changed me and inspired me to become a more authentic version of myself. It was almost as though I did a complete 180°

My new peers and teachers were enthusiastic, open-minded and caring. The new community I was surrounding myself in was a very positive one that broke down stigmas and encouraged deep understanding and acceptance. My mind was blown when I found that it was easier to conversate with girls and guys at my new school, I was gradually becoming confident and more vocal, and I liked the feeling of not hiding myself away from the world. It felt rejuvenating to finally be heard and seen by others.

Slowly but surely, I began to partake in various activities at my school. I joined the Poetry Club which I would have never considered joining had I stayed back in my old school due to fear of how I was perceived. Ultimately, I started caring and nurturing myself more. My new friends supported me, and teachers began to openly listen to my stories and encouraged me to write. When I started writing, I realized that I could use this medium to cope with my depression and anxiety. The acknowledgment made a major difference in my life like never before.

If it were not for the transition from my old high school, I would have not made progress in developing into the woman I am today. I know that I am not my pain, I am not my mistakes.

Do I still struggle and have bad days? Yes, of course. Just like any human being I have my days when I am not feeling the greatest however, I am more open to learning about how to engage with my mind, body and soul in order to soothe myself during turbulent times. I still have that inner critic however, I have been engaging with activities such as bike riding, painting, drawing, and reading to help occupy my mind which as a result has reduced the time that I spend ruminating. Occupying myself has worked magic, I am now able to reduce and control how much time I spend self-loathing, criticizing, and judging myself. Rather than judging every thought, I’ve learned to slow down and observe.

If you stuck along until the end of my story, I want to thank you for reading through my experience. My hope is that my story can shed some light on the myths and stigmas surrounding mental health, especially within the Eastern European community. I want you all to know that you are ALL valid and I wanted to be able to share my story so that my readers know that they are not alone.

#mental health #mental health awareness #depression #mdd #mood disorder #anxiety #gad #my story #hope #bullying #narcissistic parent #end the stigma #recovery #fyp

[kylo-renakin]

Death in Star Wars, and How Ben Solo Was Shafted: A Mini Meta

Something has been bothering me about Ben’s death in The Rise of Skywalker. While I’m upset that he died, I echo the sentiments of other fans that just as offensive was the way that he died and how his death was treated in the context of the film. It bothered me because death has always been a part of Star Wars, but usually handled much better.

And so this meta was born.

I will be doing a brief analysis of significant character deaths from the Star Wars movies. I don’t want to touch on all of them because there are simply too many, so I’ll focus on the ones that were either major characters (i.e. trio billing or main villain) or narratively important (i.e. Shmi Skywalker).

This list will be approached chronologically within the Star Wars universe, beginning with:

Qui-Gon Jinn; portrayed by Liam Neeson

Personal feelings: I cried like a baby. Qui-gon holds a special place in my heart. His death was both epic and sombre. It hurt to watch other main cast celebrating their victory after defeating their respective challenges and then cut to Obi-wan cradling his master’s head in his lap, crying.

Mode of death: Killed by Darth Maul at the end of The Phantom Menace. His actual death takes a few minutes of screen time, an outburst/scream from another main character (Obi-wan). He has last words to say to the person he has the closest on screen relationship with.

Aftermath: Held by a visibly devastated Obi-wan while he died. Sombre funeral pyre. Death discussed on screen by the council and Obi-wan.

Narrative purpose: To enable Anakin’s training under Obi-wan, which is pivotal to the overall arc of this trilogy. To provide a tangible loss and character growth for Obi-wan, who failed to save his master from a Sith--later mirrored by Obi-wan’s inability to save Anakin from becoming a Sith in Episode III, thereby providing a narrative ‘tail-end’ to Obi-wan’s journey in the trilogy. To cement the master/apprentice relationship as loving, emotional, familial, which then adds narrative depth to the bond between Obi-wan and Anakin. To introduce a cohesive theme of death, failure, and loss at the hands of the dark side that would pervade this trilogy.

Overall response: This death is both emotional and narratively important. It’s given the weight and time it deserves to have an impact on the characters. 

Shmi Skywalker; portrayed by Pernilla August

Personal feelings: Rough acting aside, watching a person die in their family member’s arms is always sad. It’s an extremely dark moment in a film that otherwise leans heavily into romance, action, and detective-mystery storytelling.

Mode of death: Tortured by Tusken Raiders. Died from her injuries. Again, her actual death takes a couple of minutes of screen time. She is able to say some last words to her son, the most important character relationship for this character.

Aftermath: Dies in the arms of her visibly devastated son. Anakin murders the Tuskens for revenge. On screen funeral where she is mourned and memorialized by her family/loved ones.

Narrative purpose: To drive Anakin further to the dark side by taking advantage of his love and compassion and turning this into anger and hate (revenge against the Tuskens). To plant the seeds of Anakin’s inability to save the ones he love. To emphasize his failure to keep his promise to return to his mother and free her. (Despite being freed off screen, she essentially died in captivity anyway, and Anakin was not the one to free her.) To further the cohesive themes of the trilogy: death, failure, loss, the power of the dark side.

Overall response: While not as moving for me personally as Qui-gon’s death, it has a very relevant thematic purpose and furthers the story. Shmi’s death is given adequate time on screen and we are able to observe the responses and aftermath of that loss.

Padme Amidala; portrayed by Natalie Portman

Personal feelings: We make jokes about how she lost the will to live, but her funeral was beautiful and Natalie’s delivery of the line “you’re going down a path I can’t follow” feels extremely important in this story.

Mode of death: Up for debate. She has lost the will to live after giving birth to Luke and Leia in the wake of Anakin’s fall to the dark side. Some have theorized that her life force was taken (or given?) to keep Anakin alive, but this is not made explicit in the movies. She dies beside Obi-wan Kenobi, and has the time to say last words--words of hope for Anakin’s eventual redemption. Her death itself takes several minutes and is followed up with screen time for a funeral where characters acknowledge her death.

Aftermath: The gorgeous and enormous funeral, mourned as a queen and a senator and a good woman. Anakin (as Darth Vader) mourns with a devastated and poorly acted “nooooo”.

Narrative purpose: To fulfill the themes of death, loss, and failure (Anakin’s failure to keep her alive) at the hands of the dark side. To provide a character loss that mimics the loss of democracy, freedom, and goodness that has fallen to Palpatine’s control. To provide a visual and narrative parallel between the death of Anakin (through the death of his love) and the birth of Darth Vader.

Overall response: While this death was definitely poorly handled it did have narrative significance and it was arguably necessitated by having to have this trilogy line up with the original trilogy. Her short funeral was one of my favorites in the series.

Obi-wan Kenobi; portrayed by Sir Alec Guinness/Ewan McGregor

Personal feelings: I feel weird having an opinion about this one because this movie was made well before I was born, and so I didn’t feel a real connection to/nostalgia from these characters the way I did with the prequels and sequels. Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan was a huge part of my childhood, so watching A New Hope in retrospect makes this death sad for me.

Mode of death: Killed by Darth Vader/becomes one with the Force. Essentially sacrifices himself so that Luke doesn’t try to come after him.

Aftermath: Luke shouts “no!”. In a later scene, Luke further acknowledges his death--”I only wish Ben were here”. Ben is later seen as a Force ghost in Episodes V and VI, continuing to acknowledge his character’s death and ongoing influence on, importance to, and relationship with Luke.

Narrative purpose: To provide growth for Luke’s character as he grapples with losing a mentor and surrogate father figure who was also the last person (he believed) who was a link to Luke’s (supposedly) dead hero father that Luke looked up to--and setting us up for this narrative complication in VI. To demonstrate that the Jedi/good guys of the film win through self-sacrifice and not through anger, hate, or fear, which is very thematically resonant in this trilogy.

Overall response: Narratively meaningful, and the character’s death is immediately recognized. We get to see the response of the characters who he has the closest relationships with.

Yoda; portrayed by Frank Oz

(I just love The Last Jedi, okay??)

Personal feelings: It was kind of sad, in the way any person dying of old age is. It did feel more overtly spiritual than Obi-wan’s death.

Mode of death: Dies of old age, in his own home, in his own bed, with Luke beside him. His death scene lasts a few minutes and he has some last words.

Aftermath: We see Yoda again as a force ghost, which we are expecting as an audience since his body fades like Obi-wan’s did. There is sufficient closure. Luke is present for Yoda’s death and, at this point in the films, is the only character relationship Yoda has left alive--therefore this is the most significant his death can be to someone. Luke doesn’t look overly upset but this is not painted to be a sad death, as death by old age is usually more a fact of life and a nice reprieve from untimely losses.

Narrative purpose: Honestly, it’s been a long time since I watched the original trilogy so I’m kind of stretching here. I’m going to borrow from The Last Jedi and say that Yoda’s death allows Luke to grow beyond his master and stand on his own two feet as a fully autonomous agent of goodness. He no longer has the crutch of wise older men to lean on and must make his decisions on his own. Yoda’s death frees Luke to be the master of his own destiny, now knowing the truth of his parentage and no longer being guided by others to do what they think is best (kill Vader).

Overall response: One of the less impactful deaths in the series, but I do appreciate how it adds to Luke’s growth as a character and transition into Jedi Master.

Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader; portrayed by James Earl Jones, Hayden Christensen, and Jake Lloyd

Personal feelings: This is the big one™ of the trilogy, and it shows. Watching Luke trying to literally drag his father to safety is raw and heartbreaking. Seeing him unmasked for his son is chilling. The funeral pyre is beautiful. This definitely made me feel the feelings.

Mode of death: Sacrificed himself to kill Palpatine. Death lasts several minutes. Dies in Luke’s arms and Luke cries as he dies.

Aftermath: Funeral pyre. Force ghost Anakin bringing peace to Luke and cementing his redemption.

Narrative purpose: Too much to list! Reinforcing that good guys sacrifice themselves to protect the people they love. Bringing balance to the Force by killing the Emperor (thanks JJ for messing that up by the way). Finding peace with Obi-wan as a force ghost. Showing that the belief that people can be saved from themselves is validated. I’m sure there’s plenty more besides but this one is so narratively rich that it would take forever to mine.

Overall response: Extreme narrative importance. Basically ties together six movies. Emotional, beautiful, resonant.

Han Solo; portrayed by Harrison Ford

Personal feelings: Ouch, ouch, ouch! This was... this was angsty. I love angsty. I cannot possibly find adequate words to describe how well done this scene and this death was. One of my top three moments of The Force Awakens.

Mode of death: Struck through the chest with a lightsaber by his son, Ben Solo (under the alias of Kylo Ren), after an attempt to save him from the dark side and bring him home. His body falls into the pit on Starkiller Base.

Aftermath: So. Much. Rey screams “no!” Finn is visibly upset, too. Chewie roars in agony and shoots Kylo Ren with his bowcaster. Leia can be seen feeling Han’s death and cannot find the strength to keep standing. Kylo/Ben looks immediately shaken by what he has done. Rey and Leia share a sad hug at the end of the film. In The Last Jedi, reactions continue. Luke is shaken by the revelation of Han’s death and spends a quiet moment in the Falcon mourning him. Kylo/Ben’s reaction continues to spiral. Snoke, in one of my favorite lines in the film, announces that “the deed split [his] spirit to the bone”. Rey grieves Han and accuses Ben of hating him. Luke warns Kylo that he will always be with him, “just like [his] father”. Han’s shadow is felt all over The Last Jedi without him being present. Even without the further reactions in The Rise of Skywalker (Rey saying Ben is haunted by him, the literal memory scene on the Death Star), the impacts of Han Solo’s death are the most significant in the entire franchise.

Narrative purpose: To advance both internal and external character conflicts. Kylo killing Han provides an external conflict between him and the heroes--particularly between him and Rey as Rey yearns for parents who love her and Ben (seemingly) rejects/kills his that do. It also provides a meaty internal conflict for Kylo Ren/Ben Solo, who is the most nuanced villain I have ever seen in film. While Han’s death doesn’t seem to serve a main theme in The Force Awakens (it is my perspective that JJ does not have cohesive overarching themes in his two entries in the saga), it does blend in pretty well with The Last Jedi’s preoccupation with killing the past. The thematic takeaway from The Last Jedi is that you can’t and shouldn’t kill the past, you should learn from it and move on--and Kylo killing Han neatly fits into this theme by showing that Kylo tried to kill his past by killing his father, and yet he was unable to move on because of it.

Overall response: Poignant. Purposeful. Well-crafted. The effects are long lasting and felt throughout the trilogy. This is not a meaningless death. Of the entire saga, this is the death that is given the most acknowledgement.

Supreme Leader Snoke; portrayed by Andy Serkis

Personal feelings: I was on the edge of my fucking seat. This is not emotionally resonant because we don’t care about Snoke but it was huge and shocking and had these enormous narrative implications moving forward.

Mode of death: Cut in half by Kylo Ren while he narrates his own death.

Aftermath: The Praetorian guards spring into action to avenge their master. In a later scene, we see Snoke’s severed legs topple to the floor. Hux is visibly shaken and angry. Kylo Ren acknowledges the death (by blaming it on Rey) and takes Snoke’s position as Supreme Leader (”the Supreme Leader is dead”, “long live the Supreme Leader”). I’m... going to ignore how The Rise of Skywalker handled Snoke. It was unnecessary to have Snoke clones from a storytelling perspective. It added nothing to the narrative, just used as a clumsy way to justify that Palpatine was really pulling the strings all along.

Narrative purpose: To deepen the perceived conflict within Kylo Ren and showing his unwillingness to kill Rey. This further complicates their relationship moving forward as we’ve established that the new head honcho powerful villain has no real desire to hurt the hero. The narrative implications of this moving forward were so rich. Pity JJ ignored them. Additionally: To show Kylo Ren symbolically surpassing Darth Vader. In Episode III Anakin claims he will overthrow the Emperor and rule the galaxy with Padme. He never achieves this. But Kylo Ren does (minus the Empress by his side). To deepen the theme of Kylo Ren trying to kill/bury the past in order to become stronger (and ultimately failing). To add Snoke to the list of characters in the movie who embody the theme of failure. To shake up an expected narrative trajectory and provide new pathways for future storytelling. (Again, JJ, looking at you.)

Overall response: Loved it. Loved it. Not as resonant as some of the other deaths but by far to me the most shocking.

Luke Skywalker; portrayed by Mark Hamill

Personal feelings: Okay, this is a big one. Here’s the thing. I did not grow up with the original trilogy. I never really cared for Luke (didn’t dislike him either, just ‘meh’). But this movie. This movie. I went on a journey with Luke. I saw him as fallible. As human. Making mistakes. Failing. Falling into depression. And overcoming it. I cried when Luke Skywalker died. I did not think that would happen. I did not think I would ever love Luke so much.

Mode of death: Force projects himself across the galaxy to face his nephew and save the Resistance; the effort kills him. Luke’s death takes a couple of minutes of screentime, and it is gorgeous. Hamill acts his ass off. The music, the visuals, everything combines to make this the most emotional death in Star Wars--a fitting end for its first hero.

Aftermath: Leia and Rey feel his death in the Force. They speak to each other quietly about it. They know it was peaceful. Luke, knowing he was going to die, came and saw his sister first and gave them beautiful closure and a message of hope. Just before Luke dies, he warns Kylo/Ben that he’ll always be with him. Just like his father. Luke fades into the Force and we know we will see him again as a force ghost (which we do, but JJ managed to trash even that). The boy on Canto Bight and his friends are inspired by the legend of Jedi Master Luke Skywalker. He ignites hope throughout the galaxy once more.

Narrative purpose: Multiple. As above, inspiring hope throughout the galaxy once more. To serve the theme of self-sacrifice. Achieving victory without violence (pacifistic). Preventing Kylo Ren from killing more people he cares about (Rey, Leia, Luke) and thereby protecting him, at least a little, from himself. Also serves a similar purpose to Yoda’s death--with both Luke and Snoke dying, Rey and Kylo Ren are without masters, the arbiters of their own destiny (thanks again JJ for fucking that up too).

Overall response: I can’t decide if this or Han Solo’s death is more emotionally impactful to me. They are both so, so moving, and so essential to the narrative.

Leia Organa; portrayed by Carrie Fisher

Personal feelings: This is hard. I don’t think her scenes in The Rise of Skywalker worked. They were cut from The Force Awakens for a reason--and then cobbled together like some kind of Frankenstein’s Monster for this movie. As much as I love Leia and Carrie, I couldn’t feel emotion for her death because it was so wooden and artificial.

Mode of death: Uses the last of her energy to reach her son (it is unclear exactly how she is reaching him. Force projection? Did she create the Han memory? Who knows.) Even with so little to work with, they still managed to focus on her death with her lying down, her hand falling to the side--trying to give this some weight.

Aftermath: Chewie mourns. Ben and Rey both feel her death and are clearly devastated. The Resistance gather around her body in mourning. Her body fades at the same time as Ben’s (wtf, JJ) and then we see her as a force ghost with Luke (but not Ben because fuck him apparently). 

Narrative purpose: To bring her son back to the light, something that has been a central struggle of this trilogy. Sacrificing yourself to save that which you love.

Overall response: It has a purpose, but I can’t help but think it wouldn’t have gone this way if Carrie hadn’t died. It doesn’t seem as organic as the deaths of Han and Luke.

NB: I’m skipping Palpatine because his death was literally nothing else than “defeat the big bad”. It wasn’t even fulfilling a prophecy, it had no significant narrative weight for Rey, it was a nothing burger.

Ben Solo/Kylo Ren; portrayed by Adam Driver

Personal feelings: Twofold. In the cinema, I felt nothing. Nothing. I actually laughed in surprise. Like, “what was that”? The next day, at home, I cried. I don’t think I cried because he died. I was open to that possibility. I cried because I was so, so angry at how poorly his arc and death was handled. Like he was a footnote in his own fucking story. I think him living was a much more interesting story, narratively and thematically, but I wasn’t necessarily opposed to his death if it was done well. And it wasn’t.

Mode of death: Uses the last of his life energy to resurrect Rey. Falls over. (Plop, there he goes.) Fades into the force.

Aftermath: Like, none? Rey looks kind of surprised and blinks for a couple of seconds. No words are exchanged. He just tips over and dies. Cool.

Narrative purpose (or failure thereof): I am fucking reaching here because all of the previously established trajectories and themes are dashed by this ending. We could argue that this is a self-sacrifice to save what you love theme point. Which is fine, but like, no one mourns. He doesn’t become a Force Ghost. No one acknowledges his death. Ben fading into the Force is a metaphor for him fading from people’s minds. It’s like he doesn’t even exist in the context of the story anymore. Which is insanely baffling because all three of the original trilogy heroes sacrificed their lives, at least in part, to save Ben Solo. So that he could in turn save Rey? So he’s just another cog in the machine? This was always about Rey and never about the love Han and Leia had for their son, or that Luke had for his nephew? If you think about it, the only other ‘main’ characters to die during the course of their trilogy were Qui-gon and Padme. And both of those characters had funerals, and people mourning, and huge narrative implications. The death of Ben Solo reads like the death of a minor character. It serves one very narrow and already over-represented theme. The death of all of the rest of the Skywalkers had huge emotional ramifications for the other characters in the films. With Ben Solo, the Skywalker legacy fades as well, as if JJ is telling us that this saga was not about this family at all, but their whole story existed only for the point of saving Palpatine’s granddaughter. How fucked up is that?

Overall response: Narratively, this just doesn’t make sense. It’s lazy and not impactful. When a character dies in films, you want the audience to feel something, so you show other characters reacting to it. Are they sad? Then we should feel sad too! Are they elated? We should be celebrating! No one reacts to Ben’s death, so we’re not sure how we’re supposed to feel, either. The people who are devastated by this death are the ones who love the character itself and are upset that he got treated this way--the death itself was hollow and emotionless.

So, there you have it. Ben Solo was shafted. Death is extremely prevalent in these movies, and yet, being the only new Skywalker of the sequels and half the protagonist (thank you Rian), Ben Solo has arguably the least emotional or narratively impactful death in the franchise.

Rian Johnson would never do this to Ben Solo.

#ben solo #kylo ren #reylo #star wars #star wars meta #sw meta #qui-gon jinn #shmi skywalker #padme amidala #obi-wan #anakin skywalker #han solo #snoke #luke skywalker #leia organa #tros spoilers #sw negativity #wordy #meta #mine

[theimprobabledreamersworld]

A Time of Magic

Merlin AU

I got really excited about writing this after getting so many great ideas from people! So I spent most of today on it :) I will make it clear now; some parts will follow how it went in canon, some parts will be similar to how it went in the show and other things I will be deviating from completely <3

Taglist: I’ll do my 'general writing taglist for now' but if you would like to be tagged (or not tagged if you have been) then please let me know via dm, asks or comments/tags! 😊💜

@psychedelicships @jwillowwolf @lost-in-thought-20 @red-imeanblue @writerwithtoomanyships

Summary:  “No one can know their destiny, no matter how grand that destiny might be. No one can truly comprehend how they wind up in the vast, complex tapestry of life. He cannot glimpse into the future of his great story. He will have to allow it to unwind for itself. Our young warlock must live to follow his destiny, and learn how to survive in a harsh world. His name… Virgil.”

Tags for this chapter: OC death, (not graphic in any way) description of execution, brief mention of a weapon, alternative universe (Merlin and human AU) 

Word count: 2,818

Read on Ao3!

Chapter 1: Into the Realm of Camelot.

“No one can know their destiny, no matter how grand that destiny might be. No one can truly comprehend how they wind up in the vast, complex tapestry of life. He cannot glimpse into the future of his great story. He will have to allow it to unwind for itself. Our young warlock must live to follow his destiny, and learn how to survive in a harsh world. His name… Virgil.”

The young man scrambled up the sandy hill and laughed when the grass brushed under his legs. He looked behind him at the vast expanse he had left behind. The blue and grey hues of the Brighsonee Mountain that would usually loom above him every day now seemed significantly smaller, for the first time in his life, he could actually see the dusting of snow that covered the sharp peaks.

This was the beginning of a new start.

He looked into the distance and saw the last wooden house of village he had called home for the last twenty years. The feeling of sadness threatened to overwhelm him, but he couldn’t go back now even if he wanted to. Home was no longer safe, and he couldn’t put his mother through any more heartache. If he hadn’t been so reckless, he wouldn’t have been forced to leave his mother behind to fix his mistakes. He felt his eyes fill with tears at the thought, but he shook his head and violently wiped away the one tear that made its way down his face. There was no point looking back, he had to move forward.

“You must go to Camelot and find Logan. He will help you and protect you.” He listened to his mother’s words that echoed in his mind. He could feel the daunting pressure of the rising sun push him forward, with one final look at his past. He adjusted the bag on his back full of his meagre possessions and walked down the other side of the hill.

As he continued to walk for another two hours, he found himself in a wild forest. The path would come and go continuously, and he found himself fighting through trees while getting his dark brown jacket tangled in branches. He finally found the path again and stopped to remove a sharp stone that had somehow got in his shoe before freezing in awe at the sight in front of him. As he looked through another set of trees, he could see the walls of Camelot. It was clear to Virgil now why Camelot had been deemed the most powerful kingdom in the entire realm. He picked up the shoe that he dropped in surprise and put it back on his foot before moving swiftly along the path with a new-found burst of energy.

Virgil was so eager, but also anxious, to reach the town that he almost collided with a knight on his horse. The knight nodded politely as Virgil moved out of the way, his bright red cloak with the golden insignia of the dragon billowing behind him. At least Virgil could be reassured that he was definitely go the correct way. The sun began to beam brighter as the trees lessened. He could hear the hustle and bustle of the town somewhere in front of him, so he ran towards the noise. Virgil stopped just before the cobbled path of the town and took in the new surroundings, he was intimidated by how busy everything was. He knew it would be more chaotic than his miniscule village, but this was something else entirely. The main part to dominate his attention completely was the castle that towered over the town, just like the Brighsonee Mountain at his village.

A multitude of lean, square towers dominate the skyline of the castle and were connected by extremely tall, thin walls made of dark brown stone. Virgil was unable to count sheer volume of flags that fluttered in the breeze all around the castle. Small windows decorated are scattered generously across the walls in an asymmetric pattern, some decorated in stained glass, some left as they were to let the light in. He could also see symmetric crenelations for archers and artillery, that was a reassurance that Camelot was protected. Statues of kings were lined up outside of the castle gates, serving as reminders of the past. This castle had stood the test of time and despite knowing some very rough wars and battles, the castle still stood. It looked like it will do so for many years to come.

As he was accidentally pushed to the side by a townsman carrying goods on his back, he knew it was time to take the first step into his new home. He brushed off his torn purple shirt, then adjusted his classic red neckerchief before taking a deep breath and walking into the town. He smiled as he saw small children giggling and chasing each other through the crowded street. He watched as men and women wandered around the market stalls, Virgil couldn’t help but be fascinated by the food and jewellery stalls he passed. His stomach rumbled and it reminded him that he really needed to eat the food his mother packed for him, but that could wait. Right now, he really needed to find Logan. He caught a glimpse of the familiar red cape of a passing knight and followed him in the right direction of the castle entrance.

There were plenty of people walking in and out of the castle at a rapid pace, smiling as they went about their business and Virgil smiled back politely. As he walked over the drawbridge and caught a glimpse of the water in the moat, he had to admit to himself that he was pleasantly surprised. Part of him was expecting for the castle to be closed off and daunting considering how it looks from a distance, but the fact that it was so welcoming made him feel much more assured that he would be okay here after all.

He saw a significantly large group of people standing in the middle of the castle grounds and he excitedly raced over to see what had everybody so excited. They were standing around a square that had been cordoned off by rope, everybody was desperately trying to make sure they could see the spectacle. Virgil could just about make out a small stage with a block in the middle surrounded by a variety of weapons. There were guards to keep everyone from moving any closer and he saw one more man wearing a black mask over his face standing in the middle of the stage. Virgil was confused, why was there so much protection for a magic show? Before he could think about it any further, he jumped as two guards with bugles began to play a mournful fanfare. A man wearing a golden crown with a burgundy cloak stepped out onto the balcony high up in the castle, Virgil made a note that this must be a member of the royal family, most likely the King. It would explain the gold jewellery around his neck anyway. The serious expression on his face made Virgil tense up. He nodded and another set of guards played large drums at a slow marching pace while a townsman was dragged out into the courtyard wearing heavy chains. ‘This is going to be one intense show.’ Virgil thought.

As the man finally reached the stage with an incredibly morbid expression on his face, the crowd began to mutter excitedly before turning towards the balcony. Virgil followed suit as a loud, authoritative voice boomed out across the courtyard.

“Let this be a lesson to all who reside in Camelot. This man, Peter Robert Sclator has been judged as guilty.” There was a substantial pause, and Virgil took the opportunity to glance at the man before furrowing his brow.

‘Guilty?’ He looked around and saw people bowing their heads and nodding slowly, it started to dawn on him. Maybe this wasn’t a magic show after all. His heart began to fill with dread as the voice began to fill the courtyard once more.

“He is guilty of conspiracy. Conspiracy of using enchantments… and magic.” Virgil’s eyes widened with fear at the sheer distain in the King’s voice as he practically spat out the word magic. The way he gritted his teeth made every word much more sinister. Gasps filled the silence after his words reverberated around the walls. The man was desperately trying to make eye contact with people he must have known in the crowd, but everyone avoided his gaze. Virgil felt his heart beat rapidly, he wished he wasn’t so curious. He shouldn’t be standing here watching this, but if he left now, would he look guilty? If someone could be punished for conspiracy… what would happen to someone like him? He gulped as he trembled waiting for the next declaration to be made.

“In accordance with the laws of Camelot, I, Uther Pendragon, have decreed that these types of practices are banned… on penalty of death. I ensure that I am a fair and just ruler. For the crime of sorcery. This is the only sentence that will be passed.” The crowd were ushered into silence and Virgil had to grip tightly onto the handles of his bag so he didn’t gasp or draw attention to himself. Now the man bowed his head, completely resigned to his fate. Virgil didn’t understand, why didn’t he call out? Swear that he was only using his magic for good? He looked around as subtly as he could, and couldn’t believe that no one was standing up for this man, he must have friends… a family. He glanced up and saw one of the castle windows open slowly, someone looked out to the courtyard. Virgil couldn’t help but notice the overwhelming sadness on the young man’s face, almost pitying the situation as much as Virgil did.

As the man was dragged to the stage and pushed down to the block. It finally dawned on Virgil that this was real. This was how life was going to be in Camelot, and the thought petrified him. The drumbeat began to speed up and Uther slowly raised his hand into the air. He couldn’t watch so he focused on the ground, and winced when he heard the axe swoosh into the air before the inevitable groan of everyone who decided to watch the man’s fate. Virgil forced himself to look up and he saw the man in the window; the disgust, pity and rage on his face was palpable and his eyes looked like daggers aimed squarely at Uther’s head. Everyone slowly began to gather their things and walk away from the display, but Uther stopped the people in their tracks. Virgil was desperate to run, but again, the fear of looking guilty plagued his mind. Despite how disgusted he felt, he knew that he was compelled to stay.

“When I first arrived in Camelot. The kingdom was consumed with chaos. It was only thanks to the bravery of the people, that we were able to rise up and be free from the evil of magic. So I wish to declare a festival. Tomorrow marks twenty years since we captured the Great Dragon. Let us celebrate this joyous occasion.”

Virgil’s head began to spin as he saw the smug look on Uther’s face as he raised his arms above his head in pride. How could he look so proud after what he had just done? Magic was a source of good. There had been bad events though, there was no doubting that. If it was harnessed by a corrupted person, that was the only way magic could be evil… He didn’t understand why Uther refused to accept that. Virgil finally realised just how careful he was going to have to be, even though he didn’t even know how to control his abilities. He looked up and saw the window slam shut making the glass crack from side to side. He couldn’t say that he blamed that guy for his reaction. Virgil just hoped that he was okay.

He finally took a step and broke away from the shock of the last hour. He made his way to the far end of the courtyard searching for The Court Physician’s quarters. He needed to calm down, and he hoped that Logan would be able to reassure him like his mother promised. Virgil was still shaking but he swallowed his pride and asked one of the patrolling guards for directions. Despite hearing words coming out of the guard’s mouth, it didn’t process in his mind at all. So he nodded and walked in a direction, hoping it was the correct way.

After about five minutes, and two laps of the bottom of the castle. It was clear that he was lost because he hadn’t seen anything that looked like a space for the Court Physician. He sat in one of the gaps of the castle walls and let everything sink in. He must have ended up being there for a lot longer than anticipated because an older man with grey speckles in his hair looked at him with sympathy and knelt down to his level.

“Boy? Is everything alright? Are you lost?” The caring voice was enough to snap Virgil out of his overthinking mind. He looked into the deep blue eyes and immediately felt a sense of calm wash over him. He looked down and saw the large book on herbs that the man was holding close to his chest. Could this be…

“Logan?” Virgil asked hopefully, he was desperate for this day to end. The man’s eyes glimmered with agreement and he nodded in a calculated way. Virgil sighed deeply in relief, finally, this day might come to an end and he could start from scratch tomorrow.

“That is me, yes... Who are you?” The hint of uncertainty shone through in his voice and Virgil remembered the letter his mother wrote for him to give to Logan. He frantically opened his bag and searched desperately for the letter, he knew it was somewhere near the front, because his mother knew that he would lose it otherwise. He felt paper brush against his fingertips, and he pulled it out to hand to Logan. He was met with an apologetic smile, and he couldn’t tell what he had done wrong.

“I’m so sorry my boy, I’ve misplaced my glasses.” Virgil looked up and saw they were actually sitting delicately on Logan’s head, but he didn’t want to embarrass the man who would hopefully become like a guardian to him. So he smiled softly and began to introduce himself.

“I’m Virgil...?” The silence between them became almost uncomfortable until Logan beamed brightly as he seemed to recognise the name.

“Hunith’s son!” Virgil smiled back just as brightly. “You’re not supposed to be coming until Wednesday!” Virgil’s smile faltered as he worked out again how to say this in a delicate manner.

“Er, today… is Wednesday.” Logan went to say something but he stopped himself. He raised his eyes to the ceiling and calculated something on his fingers before sighing in realisation. He stood up and held a hand out to Virgil while pulling him out of his seat in the wall. They started walking together towards a set of stairs which led to Logan’s quarters. He had only just realised that it was quite late in the day now as the corridors were illuminated with burning torches. Logan stopped Virgil from coming in, and he could see him scrambling around lighting candles. When the rooms were sufficiently lit, he welcomed him in with open arms.

“Head to the bedroom at the back and put your things in there. I’ll get us some dinner while you get settled in.” He left swiftly and Virgil staggered to bedroom. He looked around and as he put his bag down on the floor, he already felt at home. He opened the window and saw just how high up they were in the castle. The flickering lights of the houses and the still open market stalls made him smile, it looked eerily beautiful. He closed the window and sat on the bed waiting for Logan to return, but his exhaustion got the better of him and he immediately fell asleep.

When Logan came back and didn’t hear any response to his calls of Virgil’s name, he was slightly concerned. He briskly walked to the bedroom and smiled softly when he saw Virgil fast asleep, so he left a piece of pie and a glass of water delicately on the table next to Virgil’s bed and blew out the candle before heading back into the main room.

The night was quiet except for a deep, intimidating voice calling out into the darkness.

“Virgil.”

#Merlin #BBC Merlin #Merlin AU #Human AU #sanders sides #ts virgil sanders #ts logan sanders #sanders sides fanfic #ts fanfic #magic #fantasy #tw oc death #tw execution #tw weapon mention #angst #comfort #more characters introduced soon #Dreamer writes

[life-rewritten]

Manner of D*eath (MOD); The Little Mermaid and The Warped Prince

This is a fun one, I promise. MOD  continues to be a ride with excitement, worries, and more questions to bring. But you know what after major rewatching and analysis, I have come to terms with how I think the story will go—the whole reason one; word Little Mermaid. I've written a past suspect list (here) before about who I thought the culprit is from episode 1. There's been a few changes to that, but I think I can finally guess who the culprit is that took Jane's life. And it's because of this foreshadowing with Little Mermaid. I'll explain even more. Little Mermaid not only helps me bring up my final suspects, but I also think it is a base for the romantic relationships in the show as well. So without further ado, let's dive into this analysis.

When writing my suspect list, I stated that there were many apparent hints to who the suspect is and why they could possibly do it. I didn't want to believe in my simple theory because it seemed too easy to guess and too simple to be. But after thinking about it, I also said that it's not about who's the suspect that matters but how we get to that information. The show has littered many plotlines making sure we don't feel comfortable about our feelings on who we think the suspect is. We've questioned Tan's involvement, That, Pued, The Mayor, Jane her self and others. So even though the suspect may be easy to guess I think with the way the writers and director made us go through loops slowly revealing the information and leaving some clues that can't be fully vouched for, or 100% agreed on, the reveal will still be shocking and fun to see how it unveils and ends, and there might be a forgotten person that surprises me. The issue I had with the show at first since I hate mysteries was if the plot wouldn't leave enough clues or subtext for us to understand what's going on and the reveal will be out of nowhere. But to my surprise, Jane already mentioned who killed her and why because of her mention of one book Little Mermaid. Let me explain more;

The warped Prince and the Little Mermaid

Little Mermaid, not the Disney one, the one (apparently an allegory to a gay unrequited love by the writer who is also important later for the base of the couples) where we have a depressing ending, betrayals and sacrifice. Here is a summary of that one, and the things we should focus on when reading it.

 Little Mermaid is about Ariel (that's not her name in the original, but I'm going to call her that), Ariel falls in love with the prince after saving him. She is determined to be with him and lets her self be changed to human to join his world, there's a list of rules, she has to be mute, she can't return back to the human world once she takes the potion, and she must make the prince fall in love with her. She goes through a lot of pain once she takes the potion, reunites with the prince who never saw the girl who saved him but someone else, if she wins the heart of the prince she'll obtain a soul, but if he marries someone else she will die with a broken heart and dissolve into sea foam. Alright great, so you're starting to see the difference with the Disney one right? Let's keep going. 

 The prince begins to like being with  Ariel, who is beautiful; their relationship becomes the best. Still, he does not have feelings for her romantically (I know I was shocked, why haven't I read the full story of this before. Poor Ariel she got friend-zoned) But the sad thing is the prince does love Ariel (the girl who saved him that he can't remember). He believes that the person who saved his life is a girl from the temple, the girl who found him when he woke up (sigh), so when his family tells him to marry the temple girl, the prince agrees. All of Ariel's sacrifice goes in vain. She is broken and is denoted by her sisters to eliminate the prince in vengeance to come back to the sea. However she can't do it, she loves him too much, and so she ends her self instead. Luckily the story doesn't end all too bad for Ariel; she obtains an immortal soul and goes up to heaven for her love and selflessness. The end.  

You're probably wondering why on earth I had to read this out to you. But bare with me, listen to the things that you need to see: 

The Little Mermaid sacrifices her self to get to the world of the prince. Her love for him makes her willing to be in pain, bleeding on her feet, stay mute, and lose her home because of him.

The prince is not in love with the little Mermaid despite her sacrifice. He loved the temple girl because he thought she was the person who saved him, and he was pressured into marriage with her by his family too. There's a love triangle.

The little Mermaid feels betrayal at the reveal of who the prince loves. She is forced to wait for death because she cannot speak or go home. 

The little Mermaid is told to get revenge by her sisters and get rid of the prince. But she wants to do the right thing.

She dies for love and selflessness.  

Are you seeing where I'm going with this? Let's look at Jane and how she fits this storyline.

Sacrificing her self for love; 

One of the biggest reveals of the show is that Jane was in love and happy with Pued. They had been a couple that was the talk of the town until one day they weren't. Jane went through a miscarriage that got her to fall into depression. No one knew why or understood why she and Pued ended. We discover that Pued coerced Jane into selling her body to the mayor and others so that he could stay prosecutor and have power. 

One, Pued is a warped version of the prince. The prince was indebted to Ariel for his life just as Pued was indebted to Jane for her acceptance to help him stay in power. Pued viewed his wealth and power as his life. Second, Jane let her self get assaulted, drugged and abused to make sure her boyfriend stayed on his throne. This is the same as the little Mermaid who lost everything of her, her tails were transformed forcefully (bleeding each time) to legs, and she had to deal with that on her own, she lost her voice, and she also lost her home. She gave up everything for the prince. 

It gets worse, Jane got pregnant and was forced to bleed (see the visual?) through her legs by getting a miscarriage. Pued and her broke up then. We can assume, she wasn't okay with what happened and her depression consumed her, I think there's more to it. Just as Ariel lost her voice and right to speak (her tongue was also taken, I know right? this story is wild ), Jane was forced to keep quiet by the higher-ups and the world of Pued. 

Now let's pause, Ariel had to lose her world and her home to go into the prince's. Pued's world was the same as Tan and Por; it was the mafia organisation. This probably was funded and supported by the mayor and the corruption of the justice system. The organisation put each of its members in a high position of power and status as long as they did something for them. Tan is Dam; he's a puppet as I wrote about in my past essay. He didn't mean to go into this life, but his mother wasn't alive, and his father was the one who roped him into taking care of his brother Pued. It's important to see why Tan had to hide and help Pued go into hiding. He didn't know the full details; he was told something different by Pued. I will explain what I think he thought was the reason soon.  Like the little Mermaid for love, Jane joins Pued's world of corruption without knowing how deep and dangerous it was.  She only notices the errors of her ways when another girl is eliminated due to mishap with the miscarriage, and that's Nat. She couldn't as a teacher stay still anymore. But it's more than that as well. Although she's a martyr, I think she also wanted revenge. Why? Let's go into point two.

2 There's a love triangle

You didn't see this one coming, did you? I mean I'm guessing people are starting to jump on the train with this. The first time we saw Jane, she was with Tan, so we assumed the love triangle was between her, Pued and Tan. This was further hinted at when Tan punches Pued because of how he grabs her and spoke to her (we didn't know). Tan protected Jane like a  girlfriend, but he didn't show any signs of remorse when she was removed. He went and covered up the truth instead. Still, moments after her demise, he speaks fondly of her she and him were friends, he did care about her and did miss her despite needing to ensure why she left was hidden. 

He's just a puppet under Pued's lies and instructions. The other love triangle was foreshadowing what we thought in episode 1; Tan, Bun and Jane. Bun thought Tan was straight, and in a relationship, we saw him go through remorse and sadness when he discovered the guy he wanted was already taken by his best friend. However, this love triangle isn't the reason why Jane took her life (or why she was removed because of love). There's one more we haven't seen, but it's been there. And it's upsetting and frustrating. In my first episode 1 suspect list, I wrote that Rutingwa was not to be trusted, but I was going to trust her for now because I didn't understand how she could be the one to pull Jane up the rope etc. However, I did notice her overreactions and over emotions when she walked in and saw her sisters demise. She was in the same clothes as the day before at the event. I found it odd.

 The second thing I called out and remembered is the terrorising of Bun only started to happen when she ominously asked him to keep updating her on her sisters MOD, Bun had gone to her first to say the MOD wasn't sui*cide, but it was actually mu*rder. Lastly, she again showed even more interest and anger once she discovered how the cops were hiding her sisters MOD (it's a red herring she couldn't care less, I'll explain soon) and she vowed to find out what happened. In the current episodes, she showed up again determined to know what Bun knew about the case, and she claimed she didn't know about her sister's reasons for depression. 

She didn't know anything about Pued and her sister's relationship just what others know.  So here is where you hear it from me first; Rutingwa is the person who is the suspect. I'll explain how she did it and how she is involved. But she's the temple girl, the person who misleads the prince into thinking she saved him. If the prince is warped in the show as Pued, then the temple girl is also warped. And it's the biggest betrayal. See why I think Jane had more reasons for why she was desperate to reveal the truth. She wanted to do it for justice (selflessness of the Mermaid) but because of revenge. The prince chose a girl from his world, and I think Runtingwa is also part of the corruption ring, and she is aware of it. 

3 The mermaid victim

Ariel, once she discovers the prince's betrayal at first isn't angry at him. She's just depressed, she cries and cries and waits for her demise. However, that's important to note because Jane also went through her fair share of depression. The reason why Ariel cried was because of loss of her self, and the sacrifices she made for this man, she felt stupid, heartbroken and defeated. She understood he didn't love her, but it felt like she had wasted everything for him. The reason why Jane went into depression in my theory is that she found out about Runtigwa and Pued. 

Her depression stemmed from her miscarriage, but she started to want to say the truth, the reason why she stayed with Tan to be protected because she knew of her sister's betrayal. She may have found out during the period of her depression and Pued may have told her it wasn't the case, but I think what drove her the most to want to reveal the truth at first was revenge. What led to her demise was confronting both Rutingwa and Pued that same night after discovering the truth. However, she kept quiet at first because of Pued telling her not to say anything, and the higher-ups threatening her to be quiet. I believe Pued made Tan keep an eye on her (he didn't know the real reason). 

4 Vengeance and Selflessness

But it's more than just the anger at the betrayal that probably made her break up with Pued. It was also the other factors. She knew what was happening to Nat and she couldn't say anything. She knew about the world of corruption and how it was taking her students and others, and she had kept quiet not because of love but because of fear, once Nat was hurt by the botched miscarriage, she couldn't stay silent anymore. 

I believe she not only uncovered the betrayal of her sister which led her to more anger and determination, to tell the truth, but her sense of responsibility as a teacher made her feel it was no longer acceptable. This is her little Mermaid's choice to be selfless. Instead of choosing to hurt the .prince at first after her sadness (she didn't choose to say something because of the betrayal at the end,  but she had the thought and probably started to gather evidence then), she decided to put her self in danger and unveil the truth about the corruption. (hence risking her life).

 The only issue is because of love for Pued she told him what she was going to do. He didn't take it lightly and warned her not to. She realised who he really was and he lost his temper and hurt her.  Remember that Ariel wants to get rid of the prince because her sisters give her that idea, just like removing the girls she cared about made Jane more determined, to tell the truth.  This is why Tan came and punched him; he didn't like what his brother said or did, even if he has to be a puppet Jane was his friend. This again shows you Tan didn't know what was really going on; he had to follow orders underneath Pued begrudgingly. The reason why he thought he had to cover up Jane's MOD was because he was misled. 

I won't be surprised if he knew about Runtingwa and Pued's affair and that's what he thought Jane was going to unveil and why Pued told him to keep an eye on her. He knew Pued was involved in Jane's demise, but he thought because her MOD would reveal the organisation he has to hide and protect his family, he had to keep their jobs intact. He was a puppet under orders which only started to realise the gravity of the situation once he fell for Bun. 

5 D*ying for love and selflessness 

So Jane, like the little Mermaid, decided to sacrifice her self and reputation. She decided to expose the higher-ups. However, on that night, she didn't expect that Pued would follow through with his warnings and come and try and convince her. Remember how I said I didn't know how Rutingwa would do all this to her sister, or where she got the strength to hang her sister? (Not that women can't be strong) it's because I think she and Pued both got rid of Jane. Now despite Pued being warped and cruel to Jane, I still think parts of him cared for her. The prince cared and felt indebted to the Mermaid; he saw her as a close friend. I don't think Pued meant to end her life. I think he went to warn her and scare her to stop like he made Tan do to Bun. 

I think Rutingwa, however, is the one who convinced him to make her demise look self-inflicted (trying to avoid words is so hard but I have to use all these synonyms not to get flagged on Tumblr haha). Rutingwa knew about Jane's MOD; she was involved in it; she also came to warn her sister. She even stuck by Bun's side to ensure evidence was taken care of, to keep him quiet by snitching. 

Pued went into hiding to avoid being seen as a suspect he faked his kidnap. Rutingwa could get away with hers by feigning ignorance. Now I really tried so hard to prevent a girl from being a villain in another BL, but I think Rutingwa is a brilliant villain. She has shown that she's heartless and determined to get her way if she is the villain. She's a plot twist because she's been hidden under layers and layers of other red herrings as we uncover the plot, and she and Pued hardly interact. When she feigned her ignorance about her sister's condition, it made sense to us seeing her fight for the police to expose her sisters MOD, but that's because she knew he was one of the corrupted people involved. They had planned to get Bun of their case. To make her self seem innocent. It's fantastic. 

The most obvious clue is that she is the closest person to the victim, just like Bun said in episode 1; it's always the ones closest to the victims that are the suspect, he just didn't deep how close it was, he was right it was her boyfriend, but it also was her sister who was putting on a show, in clothes she wore the night before and was acting naive about her sister's depression and spiral to her demise. Rutingwa is someone to keep an eye on. She'll go to lengths to be seen as innocent, and I think she's the main head of this, not Pued. Pued is just as Jane said spineless and weak, he's just spoilt and wanted to stay in power, he didn't care about Jane enough because he was in love with Rutingwa and they both sacrificed her to let him stay in his position and she in hers as his lover. It's messed up, but hey it's a brilliant plot. 

To Love or Not to Love: Little Mermaid a foreshadowing device for the couples 

So that's the first way the little Mermaid is connected to the foreshadowing of the plot. The second is the base of the romantic couples.

Two worlds apart; the little Mermaid and the prince are prevented from being together because of separate worlds until she joins him sacrificing her self and voice and then life for him to be there. 

To k*ill or not to k*ill. After discovering his betrayal, the Mermaid has to choose to save herself, go back to her world, or leave for love. She decides to sacrifice her life for love.

Misunderstandings and Regrets: The prince misunderstood the temple girl as his saviour he couldn't move on from that mindset, and so he didn't let himself love Ariel. Until the end, he never knew Ariel was the one he truly loved. 

Two worlds apart: Justice vs Corruption

As you can see, one of the themes of the love stories with everyone who is in a romantic relationship on the show (not the subtext ones) is being two worlds apart. Let me explain. 

Jane is torn by her ethics as a teacher vs her love for Pued, and she chooses to sacrifice her self to get to his world and be with him. 

Bun is torn by his morals as a pathologist and determination for justice ( due to past experiences with the police) vs his love for Tan who is part of an organisation that does crime and is linked to corruption. He sacrifices his suspicions and fears to get to his world and be with him despite being afraid he could be just like the people he hates. 

Sorowit is torn by his innocence and also determination for justice to his friends vs his blooming love for Tat who is connected to violence and the corruption ring that hurts him. He sacrifices his worries and resentments (because Tat even injured him when they first interacted for his friend) to get to his world and be with him. 

In all these love stories, the characters end up unveiling a betrayal, which makes them feel used with wasted hearts and love because their love was never real. In my theory, Jane discovers that Pued is not just spineless and heartless, but he also didn't love her, he loved her sister, and before she could do what was right she was eliminated. 

Bun has to come to terms that Tan may be the suspect and has lied and used him just to hide the evidence and the truth. Their love was never real, and he wasted his trust and heart on him. Sorowit will also come to the same terms when he discovers that Tat may be working for someone who knew about the corruption that is affecting all his close friends and Jane. (Nam, Nat, Jane). He also would force himself to question if Tat has a heart because of how cruel he can be. Bun is the person to warn him about Tat. 

Whilst Pued is warped prince, That and Tan are puppets forced to follow orders of an organisation that they can't escape. Without meaning, they both fall in love with Bun and Sorowit despite the danger and the fact that they're meant to stay emotionless and unfeeling since all they can do is be loyal to the organisation to remain taken care of. Tan has had no choice in the matter, and because Tat works for him, he also didn't have a choice and was probably forced into it at a young age. 

2 To maim or not to maim. 

The issue is that all couples had entered a dangerous situation, in order for one of them to survive in their world; one must be removed. For Jane, to return back to her world of responsibility and justice, Pued has to be exposed, and his reputation had to be ruined. If she told the truth, the whole town would be ruined. It had to be a decision between her and him and the rest. She chose to go to him selflessly, and he decided that she was the one that had to go. 

This is why it's a sad foreshadowing at some point Tan will have to make the same choice. Bun's life or His. And Bun will have to do the same after discovering the truth. They are both in a situation where one of them can't survive if the other does. If Tan survives, the organisation survives, the higher-ups win and the town is not ruined. But Bun is silenced. If Bun survives, Tan will be hurt and taken care of by the higher-ups and framed. Tat and Sorowit are the same. Sorowit's curiosity has got him involved in this too, the more he knows and stays with Tat the more his life is also in danger, the more Tat would also have to follow orders to get rid of him. Sorowit has to decide like Bun if he can sacrifice Tat for the truth to be revealed. In Little Mermaid, you know what path she chooses, she chooses love. Bun and Tan will choose love; what that means? I don't know, Tat and Sorowit are the same. 

Misunderstandings and Regrets

That's why we're in a sad predicament. Right now, the misunderstanding and lack of recognising Tat and Tan's innocence is going to drive a wedge in the relationship and case. Bun will believe Tan is the suspect, and Tat was the one who threatened Bun. They're both going to get framed. Just like little Mermaid was framed in the opposite as not the person who saved the prince. There's a lack of clarity happening at this time that could lead to fatal consequences; unfortunately, same as what happened with the prince and the Mermaid. For Pued and Jane, I wonder if Rutingwa framed her, could Rutingwa have been the person to make Pued stop loving her or trusting her? I don't know how, but like I said, she seems to be the strongest and scariest villain/suspect. She does what she wants to get what she wants.

 Could Pued have loved and cared about Jane the way the Prince cared about Ariel and the girl who saved him but somehow got lack of clarity on who she was in his life? Did Rutingwa seem more like the better person to help save his life and career? If she's involved in the corruption ring then yes. She probably seemed like a better wife or choice. But again Pued is the warped prince, Tan and Tat aren't. Their love is genuine and authentic. Bun and Sorowit will later come to terms with that, and choose to be the ones that sacrifice everything for them I believe just like the Mermaid did. Luckily the little Mermaid may not be a happy ending for Jane in the way she wanted, but it is a happy ending in the tale. She is rewarded for her love and selflessness. Jane's reward is the truth getting uncovered by Bun. Saving more girls from the situation she was in.  I also believe Tan and Bun whoever sacrifices would be rewarded, I believe this will have a happy ending, but that's just me.  They'll reunite at the end, finally unveiling the real villains and surviving. That's what I believe. 

So Manner of Death is about to become my favourite just from seeing the next episodes unfold. I could be wrong about this, but I don't see how yet, there are so many clues hinting to Runtingwa as the badass villain she is, as much as I hate girl hate, I commend her on her villainy, she's stone-cold,  if she is, she doesn't mess around, and I like seeing flawed women sometimes. I just want her to be the head of the whole thing, not just doing this because of love for Pued. But because of power and greed and determination to have a good reputation. I want her to be more cunning and stronger than Pued as a villain, even if he's the person who did it, I want her to be the one who suggested it. I don't know sometimes I like seeing women in this role, she's not an ex-girlfriend of the Bl couple who is determined to ruin them, she's not even the villain because of jealousy Pued wants Jane, she's doing it for power and reputation. Like Yes, you show how evil you are, and you own it. She'll be a great villain if she is as cunning as I think she is. Pued in my mind is a wimp, even if he hurt Jane, I don't think he meant to do it. But we'll see how cruel he can be.

I know the mayor, and police detective could be the ones, but with their reveal now, I don't think Jane was tricked or eliminated by them, they are red herrings to the story. Disgusting corrupted people who have power and control, but it's a puppet who did it because of fear. It's Pued. But maybe I'm wrong, and it is them, it wouldn't make sense with the foreshadowing of d*ying for love. They didn't eliminate Nat; she was eliminated because of the botched miscarriage, that's what I believe anyways. Let me know what you think? Any other suspects I'm missing?  You can check out my other analysis of the show in my masterpost. Let’s discuss about the show.  

#manner of death #thai bl #bl series #bl drama #maxtul #tan x bun #tanbunn #cwg #fvete #january

[scarletemeterio-thesecond]

Can I request a Zuko x Waterbender!reader where the reader is Sokka & Katara’s sister and she gets super heartbroken when Zuko betrays her in the Crystal Catacombs in Ba Sing Se? Then when he arrives at the Western Air Temple, Katara and Sokka get very protective when Zuko tries to make amends with the reader? Thank you and I love your writing!! ❤️

Hi, thank you so much for requesting! For this let's just pretend like the reader was the one who was with Zuko in the catacombs. And yes, I chose this title only because I was listening to the ouat soundtrack from the musical episode and I thought it would fit, hope you like it!

•••

Happy Beginning (Zuko x Fem!Reader)

Warnings: none.

Genre: Fluff.

Fandom: Avatar, The Last Airbender.

Summary: See request.

Word Count: 2306.

I couldn’t believe what was happening and for a moment, I thought my mind was tricking me. But there were no tricks involved, Zuko was actually standing in front of us, asking to join our group. When he started talking about how much he’d changed, I found it hard to believe and since I wasn’t the only one, we told him to leave.

“Why would he try to fool us like that?” asked Katara.

“Obviously, he wants to lead us into some kind of trap,” said Sokka.

“Yeah, this is just like when we were in prison together in Ba Sing Se,” I said. “He starts talking and makes you believe that he’s an actual human being with feelings”.

“He wants you to trust him and feel sorry for him so you let your guard down, then he strikes,” said my brother.

“I know, and the worst part is that it worked. I did feel sorry for him and thought that maybe he had changed for the better, but I was wrong”.

We all started talking about everything else Zuko had said and when we said that he was a liar, Toph told us the opposite.

“I’m just saying that considering his messed-up family and how he was raised he could-ve turned out a lot worse,” said the girl.

“So what? Should we give him a medal or something?” I asked, now a bit mad.

“Yeah, what about the ‘not as much of a jerk as you could’ve been’ award?” Agreed my sister.

“All I know is that while he was here talking to us, he was sincere. Maybe you’re all just letting your hurt feelings keep you from thinking clearly”.

“Easy for you to say, Toph! You weren’t with us when he did all those awful things to us.” At this point, I was angry. Not at Toph, but at myself because I didn’t want to believe him and risk getting hurt once again.

And then she said something that I hadn’t really thought about: Aang needed a firebending teacher, and Zuko was probably the only one willing to do the job. I hated to admit that she was right, but we needed the Prince, even if we hated him or the idea of being around him. Of course, everyone else was in denial, so then Toph stormed off and left us all with our thoughts. Right after that, I went to my room, not wanting to deal with anything nor anyone; however, my loneliness didn’t last long since my brother decided to keep me company.

“Hey, sis, everything okay?” I looked at him, not needing to let a single word out of my mouth for him to realize that I definitely wasn’t okay. He sat next to me on the floor and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “What is it, (Y/N)?”

“What if Toph is right, Sokka?”

“Wait, you’re not seriously considering-”

“Where would we be able to find another firebending teacher for Aang?” I interrupted him. “I know none of us like the idea of him joining our group, but what if this is our only chance at winning this war?”

“Why are you switching sides all of a sudden?”

“I’m not! I’m just saying that maybe we should at least consider his offer, you know?”

"I don’t know, (Y/N). He’s tricked us before, especially you back in Ba Sing Se, I just don’t want him to hurt any of us again”.

I nodded, understanding his words and we stayed silent for a few minutes before changing the subject.

Our conversation was interrupted by Katara’s voice a little later, calling us for dinner. We all sat around the fire, except for Toph since none of us knew where she was.

“So… Sokka and I were talking earlier and I was wondering… Do you really think we should let this opportunity go without even thinking about it?”

“Please tell me you're not talking about Zuko, (Y/N).”

“I am, Katara. Look, I know he’s done bad stuff, but he literally came to us and offered to teach you firebending,” I said, looking at Aang for a second. “I don't want us to keep arguing about this, but I’m just saying that maybe Toph wasn't so wrong after all.”

“So should we just let him join us and forget all the bad things he's done to us?”

“No, I’m saying that maybe we should give him, this, a chance.” I let out a sigh as I looked at everyone else. “I think that this goes beyond our anger and hard feelings against the boy.” We all stayed quiet after that, and as soon as we were done, we went to bed.

The next day, Toph finally showed up, and her feet had been burned; turns out that Zuko was the one who’d hurt her. We were all around the fountain when suddenly Combustion Man decided to show up. A few moments later, the Prince appeared as well, trying to stop the assassin. It didn't work, though, and we were forced to hide while we tried to figure out a way to defeat him. We were able to do it thanks to Sokka and his boomerang, although Zuko helped us too.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this but thanks, Zuko,” said Aang.

“Listen, I know I didn’t explain myself very well yesterday. I’ve been through a lot in the past years, and it’s been hard. But I’m realizing that I had to go through all those things to learn the truth.” He made a pause and laid my eyes on him for a moment and when he looked back, I turned my gaze to the floor. “I thought I had lost my honor and that somehow my father could return it to me. But I know now that no one can give you your honor. It’s something you earn for yourself by choosing to do what’s right. And all I want now is to play my part in ending this war, I know my destiny is to help you restore balance to the world”.

I didn’t know why, but this time I did not doubt that he was being honest, maybe it was just because my anger had been overcome by the need to put an end to this war.

“I’m sorry for what I did to you. It was an accident.” He said while looking at Toph. “Fire can be dangerous and wild. So as a firebender, I need to be more careful and control my bending so I don’t hurt people unintentionally”.

“I think you are supposed to be my firebending teacher” started saying Aang. “When I first tried to learn firebending, I burned Katara. And after that, I never wanted to firebend again. But now I know you understand how easy it is to hurt the people you love. I’d like you to teach me”.

“Thank you. I’m so happy you’ve accepted me into your group”.

“Not so fast. I still have to ask my friends if it’s okay with them,” and so he started asking every single one of us for our opinion. Everyone agreed, and when it was my turn, I took a deep breath before speaking.

“I’m not the biggest fan, but I know that letting him join us is the right choice”.

And just like that, he was with us. Soon after that, my brother took him to his room, and me and my sister decided to start making lunch.

“Wait for me, I’ll be back in just a second.” I looked at her a bit confused, but she didn’t give me any time to ask her anything, so I just brushed it off; we would have time to talk later.

When she was back, she had a small smile on her face and when I asked what had happened, my sister said that she had only talked about some things with our newest member.

I knew how Katara could be, so I got a little worried, but she told me to calm down, and I did. However, I started getting suspicious after a few days since every time I was about to spend some time with Zuko, one of my siblings magically appeared out of nowhere. I could tell the boy tried his best to avoid me, but I didn't know why.

At the moment, I was looking at Aang and Zuko while they trained near our campsite, and when they were done, the boy practically ran away from me.

"Aang, can I ask you something?" I said while looking at the young airbender in front of me. He nodded and I took that as my cue to keep talking. "Is there something wrong? Because Zuko's been avoiding me since the first day he joined us and I'm sure Sokka and Katara have something to do with it."

"I, uh, well- I think it's best if you talk to them about it," he said and I silently agreed. So I walked away to do that and, lucky for me, they were already talking to each other.

"I think we need to talk," I said. They both looked at me pretending to be confused, but I knew they were aware of what this was about. "Just tell me what you said to Zuko."

"(Y/N), I don't know what you're-".

"Stop lying, Sokka! I can tell that he runs away from me every time we're about to be alone, and I've also noticed how at least one of you strategically appears at just the right moment to prevent us from being by ourselves." They both stayed silent and looked at the floor, clearly ashamed.

"We didn't want him to be near you," started saying my sister, "we just don't want him to hurt you again, we want you to be happy."

"Did you guys ever think that maybe you don't get to decide who can or cannot be close to me?" I was angry, but I also was a bit sad. I knew they loved me, but for some reason they treated me like a little girl, despite being only one year younger than Sokka and the same age as Katara.

"You're our sister, (Y/N). We were trying to protect you". I took a deep breath; I wanted this conversation to be peaceful and the only way to do that was by remaining calm.

"Look, Sokka, I get it. I care about you too, but I'm not a little girl who needs to be protected, okay?" I made a pause to look at them before continuing. "It's nice that you care about me, but you have to let me make my own choices, even if I end up getting hurt."

"I know, (Y/N)." Katara took my hand and looked at me in the eyes. "We're sorry, you know we love you and we meant no harm but, maybe this didn't go as planned".

"Yeah, keeping you guys apart was stupid, it's inevitable," agreed my brother.

"What do you mean?"

"It's pretty obvious you guys have a crush on each other, maybe a little more than just that and, well, our behavior was very immature". I agreed with her and I obviously decided to forgive them, they were my family after all. We spent some minutes just talking about nothing and everything at the same time when suddenly I saw Zuko just a few meters away from us. I could feel both of my siblings' eyes on me and when I looked at them, they were also smiling a bit. "Go talk to him".

And so I did. I walked up to him and when he was about to leave, I let out a little laugh.

"You don't have to do that anymore," I said. "I spoke with Katara and Sokka, they won't force you to stay away from me," I explained.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes, I'm sure. This means we can finally spend some time together, right? I mean, only if you want…"

"Of course I do," he said quickly before blushing, which made me let out a chuckle.

"You're pretty cute when you blush" I mumbled just loud enough for him to hear me. He opened his eyes with surprise and then he smiled.

"Um, thanks. You're pretty cute too, all the time," and now it was my time to blush.

"Do you want to walk around the temple?" I asked and he nodded in agreement.

I'm not sure of how long we were away from the others, but it had been long enough for us to talk about pretty much everything in our lives. We sat down, letting our feet hang from the edge of a little bridge, and we looked at the horizon.

"I'm sorry about everything that happened in Ba Sing Se, I was a jerk and you didn't deserve that; neither of you did".

"I know, but it's okay. You've changed for the better, Zuko".

"So, um, we're here looking at the sky and… is this the right time to tell you that I like you?" He said extremely quick, making it a bit hard for me to figure out what he was saying.

"I mean, you kind of already did," I said while chuckling. "But I think it's the right time to say it because I like you too, Zuko." Right after saying that, I pressed my lips against his cheek, and while I was backing off, he quickly laid his lips on top of mine. The kiss was short and sweet, but it was everything we needed at the time. When we pulled back, I saw the biggest smile ever on his face and realized in that moment, that all I ever wanted was to see him smile that for the rest of my life.

#prince zuko fic #prince zuko fanfic #zuko imagine #fire lord zuko #zuko x reader #zuko x you #atla fluff #atla imagine #atla fanfic #atla #atla zuko #avatar zuko #avatar x reader #avatar: tla #avatar the last airbender #imagine #imagines #fluff #zuko fluff #avatar fluff #zuko fic #zuko fanfic #prince zuko #prince zuko x reader

[bittercoldbrew]

Okay, so technically To Build Something New is complete and finished and I’m totally not even supposed to be working on it anymore, but this has been a shitty week and I decided to write a little something sweet and then I sort of got....carried away........ So yeah anyway, here’s a little over 4k of Ezra x f!OC, a sorta kinda epilogue to Build Something but I tried to leave things vague so it could also just be read as a standalone. No warnings, just an embarrassing amount of fluff. Enjoy! (pssst, also, I ended up writing a follow-up to this, which you can find here)

Sleep has never come easily to him. Even as a child, Ezra remembers being plagued with nightmares so often and for so long that he wouldn’t even bother waking his worn and weary parents, would simply fetch himself a cup of water from the kitchen and flip through his favorite books, gazing at the pictures and tracing fingers over words he couldn’t yet read, until sleep finally returned to him.

The woman in bed beside him is no stranger to such restlessness, and certainly is no distant, frightful parent best left unbothered. If he were to reach out a hand to her shoulder, if he were to call her name, he knows that she would wake willingly, eager to help him talk his way out of whatever trouble his overactive mind has conjured, or to simply sit with him in silence until the tension passed; she would give him whatever he needs, even if he himself doesn't know what that is just yet. It is no lack of love, given or received, that stills his hand and shuts his mouth, but rather an abundance.

Her thoughts are scarcely any kinder to her sleep schedule than his, and these past few months since her parents came and tried to upend the life she's built have not been easy ones. She certainly owes as profound a debt to the god of sleep as he does, and he simply cannot bring himself to disturb her now that she's begun to repay it.

With a sigh, he eases himself out from under her arm and up from the bed, moving slow and careful, as quiet as he can manage, trying not to feel too guilty at the sad, soft noise she makes and the way she curls her arm back into herself with the loss. Some nights, he’s more than content to lay awake beside her even if sleep never decides to make another appearance, grateful for her presence, trying and failing, always, to twist and turn his thoughts into a shape that will allow him to believe this luck that has brought him to her side. But tonight he just needs...to stretch his legs, to move his body, to remind himself that it is, still, somehow, his body, despite all that it has lost. Despite all that it has found.

He moves to the bathroom, passes through it out into the hall, hoping the added distance will prevent the sound of the door from waking the woman asleep in the bed they share. In the darkness, in the quiet, he runs a hand over his face, grounding himself with the familiar sensation of the planes and slopes of his own features. Still his face. Still his hand, even if he only has the one of them, now.

It seems instinctual, the way his feet carry him to the door across the hall, the way his ear finds itself pressed to the cool wood. He won’t bother her, won’t risk disturbing the sleep of the teenager inside, but the low whisper of the white noise machine that he can hear is enough of a comfort. Cee adjusted to planet life far faster and more completely than he has yet to manage; but even though the members of this little family all came from such disparate backgrounds, they are bound together by the act of having chosen one another, as well as by their shared insomnolent tendencies. The teenager needs this facsimile of the rumble of a ship’s engines to be able to achieve anything like sleep. Ezra himself has attempted the same, but found the noise only gave his brain something to latch onto, a reason to stay wakeful and wary, a stark contrast to its intended purpose.

Hearing hers, though, is reassurance enough that the girl is having a better night’s rest than he is, and he is grateful for that small blessing as he leans away from the door and sidles down the hallway on quiet, bare feet, mindful of all the places that creak, mapped out in his muscle memory over the course of many such nights. He crosses the front room, passes through the kitchen, until finally he steps out onto the back porch and into the cold, clear night.

The sky out here, so far from the city center, is resplendent in its beauty, a breathtaking array of stars and galaxies. Despite his many far-flung travels, there are still so many worlds to visit, still so much to see, and he will never grow weary of the sight.

It's a little too cold for stargazing, especially dressed as he is in nothing more than a patched and faded pair of boxers; but the way the air prickles against his skin and in his lungs feels almost refreshing, for now at least. It makes his racing thoughts feel sluggish, and that is certainly worth a little chill.

Sighing, he steps forward and leans against the railing, letting his eyes trace out distant constellations and star systems, scrolling through his mental catalogue of those he's visited and those he has yet to. He's picking out the faint whorl of the Ephrate when he hears the door slide open, and a sweet and sleepy voice asks, "Ezra..?"

He should have known his absence would be enough to wake her. The woman he loves is the galaxy’s most notorious blanket thief, after all; even now, the evidence of her crimes is wrapped around her like a cloak, the excess fabric bunched in her hands and clutched against her collar. Often, it’s only the warmth of his body in the bed beside her that keeps her from descending into wanton lawlessness—or, at the very least, a sleeplessness of her own. It is a rare night indeed that he can leave her side for much longer than it takes to visit the bathroom and return, before the chill is enough to wake her.

She steps forward, head down, eyes scarcely open and only to keep herself from tripping over the blanket as she draws near and leans her body heavily against his. He wraps his arm around her back and does his best to hug her close with only the one, trying not to feel so profoundly guilty at the thought of how difficult it must be for her to sleep when he’s gone so long for work.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs into her hair—an apology for tonight, and also for all those nights she spends without him.

But she only shakes her head, resting her cheek against his bare chest, just below his collarbone. She stands so tall and imperious in his mind’s eye that he forgets, sometimes, how little she is, and he is grateful for moments like these to remind him.

Her voice is thick with sleep, her breath warm against his skin, as she asks, simply, “Chocolate?”

He sighs and holds her closer, wondering if he knows a single word that might be able to encapsulate how it feels to be loved by her. Beloved feels too pedestrian, too obvious. Cherished, maybe. Harbored.

He needs to consider the possibilities more carefully, but later. For now, he merely shakes his head, begrudgingly declining her generous offer. “No, I’m alright. Just needed a minute, clear my head.”

She hums softly, and the gentle vibration of it against his chest feels planet-shaking in this quiet night. “Already put it on,” she admits slowly, sounding only marginally more awake than a moment ago. “Drink some anyway?”

Sustained? Is that the word? “With you? Of course.”

The wordless noise she makes in response is pleased, contented, and for several long, precious moments she merely rests against him and lets him hold her in the dark, unhurried and unafraid in his presence.

She’s so still for so long that he notices the slight movement of her cheek, the twitch that means she’s had to blink away a notification from her optical implant, the timer she must have set for the milk warming on the stove.

“I’ll get it—” he starts to offer, eager for some way to repay her kindness, but she moves quicker than he imagined she’d be capable of right now, pulling away and whirling the blanket off her shoulders and around his with a flourish.

“No,” she declares, in that tone of voice that always makes his brain go silent and his body stand to attention, willing to do whatever she requires of him without question. But the only order she gives is, “Keep this warm for me,” passing the corners of the fabric into his grasp, and he is certain to obey as she turns and heads back inside to the kitchen.

With a sigh, Ezra takes a step back and rests against the wall of the house, hiking the blanket up a little higher as he waits for her return. He finds himself wishing Aphelia had a moon, something to make the nights a little brighter than this; the lack gives them such a clear, glorious view of all the stars and a few of the other planets in this system, so he supposes he shouldn’t complain. But it would be nice to be able to see the garden from here, to make out what birds those are calling such sweet songs among the trees at the edge of the property, to better decipher the nuance of his partner’s expression when she steps back outside a few minutes later with two mugs of cocoa in her hands.

It requires a good deal of shuffling and muttered apologies, but eventually they find themselves sitting together on the floor of the porch, propped against the wall, the blanket drawn across them both, sheltering them from the chill of metal sheeting at their backs. She is nestled at his side beneath what remains of his right arm, and she rests her head on his shoulder as they both lift mugs to their lips.

He makes an indisputably better cup of coffee—mainly because she is too impatient in the morning, content to throw a packet of bland, dehydrated nonsense into hot water if it means she can be caffeinated quicker, only willing to wait for something better if it’s Ezra who does the brewing. But her hot chocolate is a wonder, a marvel, worthy of all possible veneration, and even though he’s watched her make it time and time again, he has never managed to determine what it is she does to make it so spectacular. The beverage in his hand tonight is perfectly warm, nutty and aromatic, decadent and sweet without being cloying, with just a hint of spice. One sip, and he can feel whatever this restlessness is that’s been holding him in its vice begin to ebb away into a gentle sleepiness.

“Thank you, starlight,” he sighs, and he hopes she knows that he means all of it—not just for the chocolate, but for the blanket and the company and the understanding, for her willingness to love him with this love that encompasses all of his very many faults rather than existing in spite of them.

She doesn’t say anything in response, simply turns her head and presses a feather-light kiss to the side of his neck, and he feels certain that she does know. Especially when she turns back, and gestures with her mug in the direction of the sky. “It’s a hell of a view. Thanks for not letting me miss it.”

His breath leaves him in a rush, and he rests his cheek against the top of her head, feeling bowled over by his affection for her. That hadn’t remotely been his intention, and even if he had merely wanted her to see the stars, she could get just as lovely a view from bed, through the skylight, without having to shiver out here on the cold floor with him. But he loves that she would offer this pretense, that she would look at something he’d done to stave off his idiotic insomnia and turn it into an experience for the two of them to share.

Transformed, perhaps, is what her love makes him. Because he isn’t entirely sure who this man is that he’s become, or where all this sappiness came from. He certainly had no need for it on the Green, nor in any part of his life before he first answered the siren song of aurelac.

If he’s honest with himself, though, he’d begun to see the first signs of it before he even met her, before he endured the loss of his dominant arm and thus found himself needing to rely, from time to time, upon the kindness of others. He’d noticed it in his unwillingness to leave Number Two behind after the rest of the crew split and ran; and then again when he’d first met Cee, when she’d used up the single capacitor of that old Boscelot rifle and he, who had killed so very many times before, had been wholly unable to throw a shot her way.

His lover had seen right through him from the first, had detected those loose threads in his psyche, those barest hints of a gentleness he’d long stifled. She had tugged and pulled them loose, had unraveled the cold and unfeeling shell that he constructed around himself, until all that was left was just...him. Minus an arm, and a good portion of his dignity, and any belief he’d once had in his ability to command his own fate.

And she had looked at whatever was leftover after all that loss, and had chosen to love him anyway.

“Oh, look,” she gasps, and he straightens up and follows her gaze, finding the trail of light streaking up from the horizon, a distant ship clearing the atmosphere.

“Leaving from the 12th Sector docks, I reckon,” he tells her absently, his brain automatically calculating the distance and direction for him while he simply takes a long draught of his quickly-cooling cocoa. “Where d’you think they’re headed?”

She hums thoughtfully, brow creasing in thought, her eyes tracing the arc of their ascent and extending upward. He’s been trying to teach her and the kid—trying to not be a pedantic asshole about it—how to find landmarks in the night sky, how to navigate by constellations and planets and stations. Mostly, he’s just trying to teach them how to keep themselves safe if, Kevva forbid, he ever isn’t around to do the job. Not that he thinks them lacking in competence—each of his girls is cleverer than him by half, he knows that, and together they leave him in the dust. But this, at least, is a skill of his that they do not share, and he hopes to impart a little something of it, just in case they ever need it.

“From 12, at that angle, this late in the year...” she says slowly, thinking aloud. “I bet they’re headed for the Pug.”

“I bet you’re right,” he agrees, grinning. “Do you see it?”

She narrows her eyes, an adorable little pout to her lips as she looks for it; her natural eye’s a little farsighted, but her implant is designed for close work and magnification, and he knows that discrepancy means this sort of thing doesn’t come easy for her. But that just makes it all the sweeter, when she gasps and smiles and points and says, “There it is.”

He just sits there, staring at her and the way the starlight dances in her eyes and highlights the lines of her face, for so long that she turns to him with a curious—and then bashful—look on her face.

“Hey,” she scolds, nudging him with her elbow. “Tell me I’m right.”

“You’re right,” he says automatically, and she scoffs and elbows him again. With a laugh, he tears his gaze from her and turns to look. “Sorry, sorry. Show me again?”

She does so, and he leans in close, following the line of her arm and her outstretched finger to the familiar, pulsing glow of Puggart’s Bench. “There?”

He dips his head, presses a kiss to the skin of her arm, just past the end of the short sleeve of her sleep shirt (one of his shirts, initially, though at this point she doesn’t sleep in anything else and he’d be offended if she did). “Perfect,” he tells her—because she’s correct, yes, but also because she is perfect, in his estimation.

She smiles in a way that makes him think she understands his double meaning, and says, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he says, and kisses her, and her mouth tastes like chocolate, and he doesn’t imagine there’s anything better in all the universe.

But then she lifts a hand to curl along his jaw and the tips of her fingers are like ice, and he pulls back in surprise and sets his mug carefully aside so he can grab her hand and hold it in front of his mouth and breathe a little heat against her fingers.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were freezing, baby?”

"I'm not," she argues, even as she curls closer into the warmth of his body and tugs the blanket tighter around her shoulders, because she is, at her core, a woman of unmitigated stubbornness. "My hands are just always cold."

"Not this cold," he huffs, clenching the offending fingers in his own. "We should get you inside."

She shakes her head sternly. "I can stay out here as long as you want me to."

She has told him this before, way back when they scarcely even knew each other. Then, as now, she had been struggling to keep her eyes open. Then, as now, he had known she meant every word.

"What I want," he tells her, turning to kiss her temple, speaking the words into her skin, "is to hold you in bed for a while."

If he's honest, that's all he ever seems to want these days.

She smiles, and nods toward his mug, reaching for her own. "Finish your cocoa, first," she says, as though that is the entire reason they're out here.

And he does—because it's delicious and he doesn't want to waste it; because it's what she told him to do.

He would give her his left arm, the only one he has remaining, if she told him to.

They sit there, quiet and close, while he finishes his drink and waits patiently as she finishes hers. Then, leaning on each other for support, they make their way to their feet and back inside the house. He keeps the blanket around his body as she rinses their empty mugs and leaves them in the sink, then trails along behind her as she leads him back to their room.

Together they spread the blanket back overtop of the bed, tucking it in at the foot even though they both know she’ll have managed to drag it to her side by morning. Smiling at the thought, Ezra pulls up the covers and gets in, instinctively turning over on his right to reach for her—but she isn’t there yet, still standing next to the bed, watching him. It’s too dark to really make out her expression, but he can feel her eyes on him. “Baby?”

She doesn’t speak, just goes and walks around the bed. He turns, twisting at the waist to watch her as she lifts up the covers and...slips in behind him. She puts her arm around his chest, twines her legs with his, moves her free hand up to bury her fingers in his hair and scritch lightly against his scalp, and he groans out her name and all but melts back into her soft body.

“Is this okay?” she asks after a moment, her breath fanning against the back of his neck. He wants to answer, to tell her this is so, so much better than merely okay, but his chest has gone so tight that all the air in his lungs seems to have lodged in his throat instead. He settles for a nod, the drag of her short fingernails on the back of his head just delicious with the movement, and he knows she must be tired and will need to be asleep soon but he wishes she never had to stop.

“I know you said you wanted to hold me,” she murmurs, her voice so soft and sweet, “but I thought this might be...nice.”

“I...” he starts—or tries to, but his voice falters, and all the words he typically can rely on appear to have fled him. “Yes,” he sighs simply. “It’s very nice.”

“Good.” Her lips press a delicate kiss to his shoulder, and his breath leaves him with more of a shudder than he’d intended. “You gonna be able to sleep?”

He covers her hand with his and draws it up higher along his chest, where her fingers gently trace the line of scar tissue just below his sternum. “I hope so,” is the best answer he can offer, because even though he feels so fucking good being held by her like this and even though he can feel the exhaustion tugging him even deeper into the mattress, he knows better than to count on his mind to be cooperative.

She hums softly, and he can feel the bridge of her nose and the curve of her forehead against the skin of his back as she presses her face against him, settling in. “Okay,” she breathes, and he can tell she’s nearly asleep again already, can merely hope he’ll join her shortly. “Wake me if you get up again, okay?”

“You have work in the morning,” he reminds her, squeezing her hand, already feeling guilty for disrupting her rest as much as he has. His schedule isn’t nearly so demanding—he could stay in bed all day if he needs to, could make up the hours some other time—but she has people who rely on her, people who aren’t him.

But she just clicks her tongue against her teeth dismissively, shakes her head. Her fingers leave his hair for a dreadful moment, but only so she can reach down and tug the covers up higher (already beginning her nightly larceny, though she’s pressed so close to him that Ezra, too, may get to benefit from it tonight). “I’d rather be tired at work than not know where you are.”

It’s a simple thing to say, but he knows how much she means by it. He’s well aware of the anxieties that plague her, of the way she worries when he’s gone, of how his job and its need to drag him far away from her for long stretches of time wears at her until he’s with her again. As much as he wishes he could make all of that go away, wishes he could offer her a gentler life than this one, he knows such a thing isn’t really possible out here in the Fringe, knows they’ve come much closer than most. Still, at least he can offer her this.

He picks up her hand and lifts it to his lips, presses kisses to her smooth, soft skin. “Go to sleep, starlight. I’m not going anywhere.”

“‘Kay,” she murmurs sleepily, and he can feel her smile against his back as she shifts around, tightening her arm around him, hugging him close. “Love you, Ez.”

“Love you too, sweet girl.”

In the morning, when she wakes, he is going to make her the best goddamn cup of coffee she’s ever tasted. He will swaddle her in blankets, will weight her down with so many of them she can’t ever leave their bed, she’ll have to just stay in it with him forever. He wonders how inappropriate it would be for him to ask Cee if she would spend the night at a friend’s tomorrow, because when this woman gets home from work he’s going to need to lavish every inch of her body with affection, to prove to her again and again and again how desperately he loves her, how thoroughly he needs her, and he doesn’t imagine he’ll be able to be quiet about it even with the kid home.

It’s in these last lucid moments before sleep finally pulls him under that he realizes this night, this moment, this blissful press of her body along the length of his own with her arm curled possessively around his torso is exactly the word he's been looking for. Maybe it really is as simple as that: she makes him feel held.

#listen you will have to pry little spoon ezra from my cold dead hands #someone please give this man a hug #ezra prospect x oc #ezra prospect x reader #oc tess stone #ezra why are you so fucking difficult to write bby #to build something new #my writing

[aethersea]

you know what, I never do these things, but actually I’ve decided I would like to get to know people better! I would like to partake of the mortifying ordeal! I would like to talk about myself for a bit!

ok for the next...let’s say five days I will answer any of these things that people tag me in, or any random personal questions you plop in my ask box. I don’t have an ask meme on hand but just....pick one you’ve seen recently, or make up questions of your own, and I’ll answer. (the answer might be ‘nope that’s private’ but I will answer.) (@ the anon who asked for book recs - I see you, I’ve been thinking of books all day, I’m going to give you SUCH a long answer, I hope you don’t regret your choices bc it WILL be full of gushing)

alright, let’s go!

🌻 Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

Tagged by @booksandchainmail​

Last Song: I’m currently listening to “Falcon in the Dive” from the Scarlet Pimpernel musical on loop. I watched one or two Scarlet Pimpernel movies when I was just barely too young to fully get what was going on, and the story’s held an odd but deep-seated place in my heart ever since. A few years ago I found out there’s a musical and most of the songs are pretty stellar (go listen to “Madame Guillotine” if you like big ensemble broadway numbers, it’s a banger, the bit where he cries out for God has been running through my mind on and off for a few days now haha not like that’s topical or anything), so every once in a while I spend a few days listening to them a lot.

Sometime last year I read the actual book, and got super into the whole concept of the Scarlet Pimpernel for a while. I plotted out Pimpernel aus for several fandoms, I read the entire wikipedia article, and I went looking for bootlegs of the musical. I didn’t find one, but I did find a full radioplay-style recording of the script, complete with full musical numbers, and listened to it like a podcast.

Reader, I was so disappointed. The play adds some scenes, bc a lot of the dramatic tension of the novel comes from internal conflict and that doesn’t stage super well, and the very first scene of this play – a play written in the NINETIES – features our dashing hero rescuing some aristocrats from a French prison, and then saying to the person in the next cell, who begs for rescue but is not an aristocrat, “We have enough of your kind in England.”

Enough! of your KIND! What in the merry frickety HECK my dudes!! The book has some rather unfortunate™ takes but it is from 1905, it’s regrettable but sadly to be expected. This play is from 1997. It has NO excuse. This scene wasn’t even in the book! What! the heck!

I was so disheartened that I lost my excitement for the play, and a couple songs later I stopped listening. It occurred to me just a few days ago that you could actually stage that ironically, with the person in the cell giving the audience a “can you believe this” look, and then the rest of the play could feature assorted non-aristocratic ensemble members constantly looking at the audience like they’re on The Office. And hey, maybe that’s what they did, or something similar – maybe that was never meant to be taken as a cleanly heroic stance, and the play deals with it in a complex way. It’s possible. I wouldn’t know. Kinda doubt it though, based on song lyrics.

Favorite Color: red, probably

Last Movie: I watched that new lesbian christmas movie with my family for christmas, the one with kirsten stewart and the guy from schitt’s creek. it’s very sweet and good and kinda sad, and I really enjoyed it. it also incidentally has the best gay best friend trope in probably anything ever, bc it’s not a trope (I didn’t realize until several hours after watching that it technically fits), it’s just a guy who is the protagonist’s best friend, and they’re just all gay, and then when he Gives Relationship Advice as a gay best friend always does, it’s advice about how to deal with your partner’s hangups around coming out.

actually every part of the gay best friend trope becomes better when they’re just best friends who are both gay. the big dramatic gestures (in this case, driving some ungodly distance in the snow on no notice) go from “haha how kooky” to “queer man will do anything he needs to to rescue his queer friend from an isolating & potentially triggering situation”. the relationship advice isn’t “honey you deserve some self-respect, treat yourself”, it’s a deeply sincere reminder of the vulnerability that is shared across almost everyone’s queer experience, and look I could ramble about this for a long time before reaching a coherent point but I’m INTO IT, okay? I’m into it.

Last Show: you want me to remember what show I last finished???? impossible, cannot be done, it was a long time ago and the adhd has eaten everything that happened before last week. here, instead I’ll tell you about another movie I watched, late at night with my mom in cozy companionship just a couple days ago. it’s called Quigley Down Under and it’s about a cowboy who goes to Australia and kills a bunch of racists, 10/10 would watch again. it’s from 1990 but it feels much older, with the music choices and the cinematography of a 70s Western. the cowboy is great, honorable and fearless and kind, but the breakaway star of this movie for me is the woman who attaches herself to his side and refuses to leave. her name is Cora, and she’s crazy, in the sense that she’s not altogether tethered to reality, but this never for a second diminishes her agency. she’s fierce and clever and compassionate, and she basically never does anything she doesn’t want to in the whole movie. her arc is about overcoming trauma by taking charge of her own fear and facing it head-on, she is never belittled or dismissed by the narrative or the protagonist, and look she’s just so cool. I love her. she’s so vibrantly alive. her story could probably have been handled with a bit more nuance, but honestly for the 90s it’s pretty great. I’m no expert, but I found nothing objectionable in it, just a bit of heavy-handedness.

anyway the theme of the movie is that racism is evil and racists deserve to be shot, and this too could have been handled better (not a single aboriginal character speaks a single line of english in this movie), but it follows through on that message in every way, while still being a fun kinda campy cowboy movie. overall a very good time.

Currently Watching: started showing my sister Hilda the other day, and she’s liking it! I love that show, it’s so incredibly cute. can’t wait to see season 2

Currently Reading: lmao I wish. lately the brain has firmly rejected all attempts to read anything of any length. currently pending, bc I was halfway through them when my brain stalled out, are tano’s fic What Does Kill You Can Make You Stronger, Too, a Toby Daye book - I think it was The Brightest Fell, I got like half a chapter in and haven’t picked it up in over a month, the Locked Tomb series, and probably a few other things too. ooh! also a book called Making Sex by thomas laqueur, which is my fancy academic reading that I’ve been doing in short bursts for the past year or two when I feel fancy and academic. it’s about the development of the concept of biological sex and of gender in Western society, and it’s fascinating. has among other things introduced me to the idea that until quite recently, fathers were a matter of faith. the mother? yeah, you can watch the baby pop out, we all know who the mother is. but the father? how can you know? how can you really know? we have paternity tests these days, but for all of human history up until now, we've just had to take fatherhood on faith. (not to mention we didn’t even know what fathers were contributing to the production of a fetus. clearly it was something, since you can’t get pregnant without a penis getting involved, but we have literally not known what until the past few decades. and that is wild. it has colored ALL of human history, all of our conceptions of society and family and kinship and gender, all of it, and it hadn’t even occurred to me until it was spelled out for me in this book, and it’s just......wow.

Salty, sweet or savory: for christmas my sister and I made seven different types of cookie, most of them involving chocolate somehow.

Craving: no bc I ate so many cookies. unless sleep counts. or maybe pringles, it’s been many moons since last I had a potato chip and I miss them.

Coffee or Tea: no thank you

Tagging: @coloursisee, @krchy-tuna, @sam-j-squirrel, @xzienne, @mirandatam, @viciousmaukeries, @sepulchritude, @elidyce, and @navigatorsnorth bc it’s been a while since we’ve talked, and I’m super hyped that you’re married now. v happy for you!

#finx rambles #finx has friends on the internet #be sure to tag me if you do this so I can go read it! #also you don't have to yammer on as much as I do #I'm just Like This you know #hmm perhaps I should readmore this actually #hmmmmmmm #I think I will use the excuse that it is 6 am to not do that #on account of how surely there are not many people up #and anyway this isn't meant for reblogging; you will only have to deal with this post once

[ask-hunterxhunter]

Headcanons for Hisoka, Illumi, and Chrollo losing their female s/o to childbirth? Like the moment labor starts their s/o is in unbearable pain and she bleeds too much and passes away. How would they cope with losing one of the few people they actually love & having to be responsible for a baby on their own now? Thank u so much :3

Hisoka

This is one of the few occasions when Hisoka is lost for a while. Even as he holds your hand and feels life leaving your body, he just doesn’t react immediately. It’s not he never considered you dying before, it’s just that it doesn’t feel real when it happens. You can’t be gone. You just can’t… It’s like this event has no place in reality. It’s also one of the few occasions when Hisoka becomes a little more… Sentimental. Oh, not while the doctors are in the room (in fact, his lack of bigger reaction will either be considered shock or him being a cold bastard in their eyes), but once they leave him alone with your body… Hisoka doesn’t cry, he doesn’t scream, but he brushes your face gently as he says goodbye…

 All in all, he seems to be taking it rather well, right?

 Wrong. Dear Lord, wrong.

 When he arrives home, Hisoka just sits for a moment… And screams. He isn’t someone who takes refuge in denial, he doesn’t go on how this isn’t happening… But it doesn’t make acceptance easier. As used to death as Hisoka is, he has always been a lone wolf who never cared for anyone else but you. Accepting the death of a loved one is never easy for anyone, but we can’t say Hisoka is exactly well-prepared or adjusted for such things.

 His initial reaction is downright scary. He screams, his bloodlust overflows (it’s the only way he knows how to deal with things), but there isn’t anyone to blame, anyone to go after (it’s sad, but those things do happen), just this awful pain. The façade he keeps just drops and everything just overflows and fills the room. It’s suffocating and terrifying.

 What stops him? The baby crying. Hisoka is not exactly an emotional guy, he isn’t used to dealing with those deeper emotions, but remember that he wouldn’t enter a real relationship (let alone have a child with you) if his feelings weren’t this serious. So, yes, it might be strange to imagine Hisoka caring for a baby, but this is his child. Yours and his. As soon as he hears the cries, he stops and remembers he is a father now. And yes, he does love the baby.

 He isn’t feeling any better, but he holds the baby and tries to calm down.

 Hisoka won’t admit it to anyone ever, however, he is almost scared now. He had admitted to you he had no idea of how to be a father (and was pretty sure he wasn’t the best material for the role), and now he has to be a single father. Does that seem like a good idea? He already admitted to Illumi he has issues. Just because he’s happy with his lifestyle and doesn’t give a crap and has no intention to change, doesn’t mean he is so much of a bastard that he doesn’t care about his own child!

 Simply put, he has no idea what to do.

 Wherever your soul is, you can at least rest knowing Hisoka will do his best. Will he change his lifestyle? No more than he absolutely has to (so, very little). Will he mess up? Yes. Like everyone does. Will he love this child and do the best he can? Yes. Will he care for them? Yes. He might not be the best father ever, but he won’t be an awful one, either.

 Yet, Hisoka will never recover from losing you.

 And just because he calms down after your death because he scared his child, it doesn’t mean he will remain calm. In fact, he may (try to) deal with it the only way he knows how: By turning to violence. He’ll be staying at Heaven’s Arena for a while and people will at once fear that they’ll have to fight him because Hisoka won’t just “not attend” the match. It’s doesn’t matter who it is or how strong they are: Hisoka will be there. And this won’t be even a fight as much as murder: He will be going after blood.

 It won’t help as much as he hopes. By the end of the day, even if he uses fighting as an escape valve for what happened, he is still hurting and you’re still dead.

 Illumi

To put it in one word? Badly.

 Being pregnant with Illumi’s child (well, anyone from the Zoldyck, really) means you’ll have the best care money can afford (and God knows this means top care), but the fact remains that those things still can happen. Not that this means much for Illumi. Remember he doesn’t care for anyone beyond his family, so the fact that he wanted to start a family of his own with you already speaks volumes for how much he valued you. At first, he is in shock. You can’t have just left you, it’s impossible, you’re his wife, you weren’t supposed to die, this was to be the happiest day of both of your lives… But he won’t be able to refuse the fact that you died for more than a couple of seconds.

 If he even suspects there was a mistake, that the doctors weren’t careful enough, anything, he’ll take it out on them (if by a lawsuit or by taking matters in his own hands, it depends), because people often want someone to blame, somewhere to focus their pain on and Illumi is one of them. Once the initial shock of the loss pass, he will want to know exactly what happened and why you died.

 Not that this will bring any comfort. Even if a doctor can be blamed for what happened and Illumi deals with them, this won’t bring you back. There’s no satisfaction. There’s nothing.

 As unemotional as Illumi can be, this is one of those rare cases when it looks like all the emotions he keeps away (or doesn’t seem to have at all) just explode. Think about when he felt Alluka’s power… That is tame compared to how it will be then. The only change is the nature of this explosion. I repeat: The loss of someone you love, no matter how it happens, is always painful and can always be traumatic. It doesn’t help that Illumi is, well, how he is. This event won’t help Illumi’s mental state and it might, in fact, push him further into his darkness (after all, it isn’t as if he sees anything wrong with himself to make him want to change for starters).

 It's hard to tell how Illumi will deal with the loss. We know it won’t be in a normal way, let alone one we could consider healthy, but there is the presence of his family to be taken into account as they will offer support and help as much as they can which might help to reign him back a little. While he might seem to be okay with being killed by someone he “cares about” such as Killua in order to “be kept in their hearts” or controlling them with needles “for their own safety”, but losing them to death? Something that can’t ever be fixed? Not the same.

 As much as his family might try to help (despite being how they are, they are still somewhat more balanced than he is), there is a limit to how much they will be able to do so. Illumi may dedicate himself to the job more than never, go after Killua (in an “I already lost my wife, I won’t lose my brother” frame of mind), or anything else that may give him the sensation of recovering control in his life and that demands attention. Again, hard to predict exactly how he will deal with it, but it won’t be by keeping good memories, remembering he will see her again in heaven or anything remotely healthy.

 Regarding the baby, he won’t abandon them (as if!) and will dedicate himself to raise them well, but the problem is that without you around to “balance” his behaviour and beliefs, his methods might be worse than what his parents did to him. Illumi won’t remember your words or will just “twist” them to fit his views. Not out of disrespect for your memory, but because he truly believes in his family’s methods. Yes, he will love the baby, very much so, but again… This is Illumi we’re talking about.

 On a note, about Alluka, despite his desire to do something about your death, he won’t be dumb/desperate enough to consider using Nanika’s power to bring you back, at least until he is 100% sure this won’t backfire on him (and chances are, it will anyway. I mean, when did this sort of thing ever work for anyone who tried? Read “Pet Sematary”, “Monkey’s Paw” and whatever else deals with the subject. He is twisted, not stupid).

 Chrollo

Surprisingly, despite being a criminal, Chrollo can make sure you are well-cared for during pregnancy and when the time comes to give birth, you’ll have great doctors. Sadly, again, this doesn’t mean death by childbirth cannot happen (it depends on several things, even if you have top healthcare).

 As someone who lives so close to death and who has little to no care for human life, Chrollo doesn’t have a moment of denial. Being in the room while you give birth, he feels life leaving you and a part of him seems to go with you… He tells the doctors to do something, to help you, but it’s too late. And he knows it. He has killed enough people to know when they are gone with no chance of getting back. He stays with you for a while, not talking, not crying, just holding your hand as if you were asleep.

 Because the Spider has so many enemies, he will make sure it was indeed an accident and not someone trying to take revenge by killing you or anything of the sort (and if it turns out this is what happened, well, everyone involved is as good as dead). And also because of his lifestyle, you might think he will be somewhat better prepared for this event and know how to deal with it…

 Well… No, not really. Losing you is worse than losing another member of the Spider, as it is more personal. Chrollo doesn’t make a show of how much this hurts him while there are others around (in fact, even with the Spiders he might keep his emotions under control), but when he is alone, he doesn’t care to keep a façade of calmness. Differently from Hisoka or Illumi, this won’t be an explosion of rage or a long scream, but it won’t be less of a huge blow: Chrollo feels lost and for a moment, he can’t even focus on the Troupe or what to do. He just feels your absence and a future he can no longer have while he holds the baby close.

 Although he is used to “carry on” when a member of the Spider dies (and searching for whoever killed them to get revenge), this is different: Not only because he has no one to blame for, but again, it’s far more personal. You were his partner, the person he wanted to start a family with… He never allowed anyone to get this close, keeping his focus on the Troupe and its objectives and now he has to deal with losing you forever. He knows he needs to carry on. He knows there is nothing he can do now except caring for the baby and continuing with his plans. In a sense, his rational side continues to work because Chrollo basically programmed himself to be like this with the years of being who he is.

 Only that this doesn’t help when emotions, that are far harder to be controlled, get involved. There is no other way of putting this: Your death leaves Chrollo devasted. And this depression may last a long time. He may get to the point of continuing his plans, keeping the Troupe’s goals and all, but underneath it all, there will be this hollowness that just won’t go away. If Senritsu was to hear his heartbeat, she would point out how worse it became.

 The members of the Troupe that are closest to him, such as Machi, will know that Chrollo needs help in this moment, not as a villain or as their boss, but as a human being who lost a loved one (considering how many people they took away from their loved ones without a care, you’re free to call them hypocrites). It must be said that this help will be balanced: Enough to remind Chrollo he is not as alone as he behaves and not pushing to the point of being suffocating.

 Because of that and also due to Chrollo’s ability to not lose focus despite emotional turmoil, as depressed as he gets, he won’t forget that he has a child to think about now: The uncertainty that one feels when having to be a single father is present, he isn’t sure of how he’ll balance being the Troupe’s leader with protecting and raising a child. He isn’t just going to forsake the Spiders, but he won’t just drop the kid in an orphanage and take off (unless there is so much danger closing on him that he literally has no choice, but the chances are preeetty slim). Some members of the Troupe may help Chrollo in this department (such as Machi or Pakunoda, if she is still alive when this happens) as he finds ways to reach this balance between his goals and his personal life.

#Headcanon #Chrollo #Hisoka #Illumi #Adult Trio #tragic #death by childbirth #dead s/o #Zoldyck #Lucifer #hxh #hunter x hunter #hxh headcanon #Pretty sad #Should've posted those last night but had problems with power since friday #I hate my building so much

[cosmiclatte28]

One More Night (Jaehyun x you ft Doie)

a/n : I am not forcing anyone to read this, this has sort of a sad angst theme. Jae was abusive here and I don’t mean anything to him.. it’s pure fanfic :”) sorry this is in my head and I had to let this out 

warning : jaehyun is abusive but he is depressed and sad, doyoung is your manager. Sorry for curses and mentions of alcohol, cigarette, and self harm. angst 

don’t force yourself to read this 

You don’t understand yourself. Why aren’t you leaving him? After all he had done to you, his words hurt, his actions pained you, you always go home with bruises, but can you leave him? You can, but your heart doesn’t want to.

Like today, your boyfriend called you again to come to his house. Being the good caring lover, you follow his order. As expected, he called you because he had a rough day.

“I'm tired, i'm so tired (y/n).” Jaehyun slammed his third glass of beer on the counter as he sobs harder next to you.

You extend your arm, to grab his shoulder and rub soothing circles there, seeing Jaehyun broke down like this is more painful than letting him lash out his emotion to you.

“You're strong Jae,” you try to calm him down. He was ranting about his life, how his work life in the leading media corporation is stressful and he got a lot of complains from his director when he submitted this month's proposal.

“I am so done with that company. I'll probably get my white envelope soon.” He scoffs when he finishes his fourth glass. You swore you're confused when did he buy his alcoholic supply. Jaehyun never completes his grocery shopping by himself, it's always you but you never buy alcohols… so who?

“Tell me where did you get these Jae?” you point at the bottles and he chuckles deeply “You question unnecessary things peaches, don’t you wonder why you're here tonight instead?” he pulls you up with one swift swing and brings you to the room.

His breath reeks alcohol, his consciousness was below 50%, you were on your right mind until his soft lips enclosed yours and his hooded sad eyes pierce into your soul.

“You love me don’t you?” the same goddamn question. He traces a finger on your jaw and you choose to close your eyes. Staring into his eyes will only make you fall deeper.

“Answer me,” his palm reaches your cheek and you feel it sting. Here it is, his true self is always out when alcohol and stress consume him.

“I love you Jaehyun,” you whisper tears already flowing out of your eyes. This was not the man you know three years ago. You remember him as the sweetheart of the world, not the scariest man who only come to you for pleasure and ignoring you the next second.

“Then be my good reliever,” he slaps you one more time and the rest of the night you only wish no one heard your sinful noise.

“You're going home?” he asks the second he was tired of rocking you. His half naked torso is laying on the bed. A bud of cigarette was tucked nicely between his lips.

You nod your head as you take your time to redress.

“Stay here, you're my lover.” He pats the empty bed side. Oh you wish you can stay, but with the amount of alcohols he consumed and how your body is already bruising, you knew better to go home.

“I have a schedule tomorrow.” You admit.

Jaehyun sighs “Then sleep here, I'll drive you there tomorrow. I miss you,” he sounds like he had sober up.

You shake your head and lean over to kiss him “You hate my agency Jae, don’t force yourself to come with me.” You run a hand over his hair. He leans into your touch, suddenly the angelic heart throb is here again not the demon of the dark side. He closes his eyes after yawning and slowly drift to sleep.

You take his cigarette bud, turn it off in the ash tray and leave the apartment you once love. Your relationship is toxic but you cannot let him go. Not in this state.

“Wow you do know how late this is?” Your roommate peeks over his room door when he heard you enter the house.

You sigh and take off your jacket “Ah Doyoung, yes it’s very late. Sorry for waking you up. Go to bed you still have time.”

Doyoung shakes his sleep away and walks to you. He knows your relationship with Jaehyun. He was there from the beginning until the time it went wrong. He told you to leave him already, but you cannot.

The man grabs his spectacles and calmly takes your arms and wrists then he twists your body to check your condition.

“He wasn’t that rough tonight?” Doyoung still raises from his seat to take the soothing cream he has prepared for you.  

You sigh “You don’t have to do this Doie, I can take care of myself.”

He scoffs “You've been saying that for the last seven months but you never for once take care of yourself if I don’t do this.”

He begins with the bruises on your wrists, the red cheeks, the wild hickeys on your neck and when he ensures none is skipped, he orders you to lift your shirt up.

He always complains on how your waist can survive the dead grip Jaehyun has, they always leave bruises on your body and Doyoung hates how you always struggle in the morning to cover up your bruises.

“You should really leave him. This is not good for your body and mental.” He presses some alcohol on the open wound and you for once thank Heaven you knew Doyoung who can take care of you.

“I cannot Doie, he needs me. He said I am the reason he is holding on.” You lean to the sofa and moan at the delight of relaxing your body.

“gosh your silly job and crazy company.” He hisses

You bite your lips as you stare into the ceiling. This is your job, taking cover pictures for special magazines. No it’s not filled with lewd pictures nor nudes, just regular pictures that were found to be able to comfort men and women who are breaking down and sad. The company did get a lot of money and you have many fans. All of them have been meeting you virtually and telling you how thankful they are to see you. They said seeing you helps them overcome one more day.

You were not fond of your job at first, until you met Jaehyun a photographer for one of your biggest project. It’s for the anti depression campaign and since then both of you got to know each other. Jae was a lovely man who also tells you he is one of those subscribers who wants to thank your cute pictures for helping them survive and stop overthinking.

That comment and all comments and love mails from your fans made you unable to crawl out of this hole. Doyoung is not one of them, he is assigned to look after you but he detests everything related to this.  It’s just his job and the wage is pretty much high and he couldn’t find another job with higher wage yet.

Jaehyun was good until six months ago he lost his one and only family member, then he regret all of the things he couldn’t do for them. He turned into a mess, your pictures, your comfort words, your presence  itself cannot bring him back. He turned into a monster when he's sad and mad. What happened to him scared you, but your heart cannot leave him.

“It's not silly as long as I can live under this apartment Doie. Look around this pretty apartment is good enough for a payback.” You breathe out. Feeling also emotional after thinking about Jaehyun and holding back the pain you're now feeling.

“You have a schedule tomorrow.” He scrolls his phone and notes the time. He is your personal manager.

“I know-“ before you can finish your sentence a knock was heard on the door.

Both of you look at the door and gulp “Who could it be?” your grip on Doyoung’s hand and your phone rang.

“Shit, it’s Jae.” You push Doyoung out of the sofa and push him to his room direction “Pretend you’re asleep.” You send him a pleading eye, you don’t need a jealous Jaehyun at this moment.

Doyoung just follows your words and hide in his room. You calm yourself down and open the door to find Jaehyun not so sobber, but he is here and you’re surprised he could take a cab here.

“I took the cab, don’t worry. I cannot sleep without you.” He nuzzles into your neck and slumps over your smaller body. With much struggle both of you made it to the sofa and Jaehyun is super messy.

His eyes are wet and he was slurring words while closing his eyes and holding on to you tight “Don’t leave me. Come stay with me again. Why did you leave me?”

He sounds pathetic and you actually want to slap him and yell at him “See yourself and think why I live by myself now or at least not with you….” But you know that will only hurt him more and break him.

“Shh calm down Jae” you card his hair and he relaxes into your touch “I am not leaving you,” at least now your heart whispers. Your eyes fall to his wrist that has been healing slowly from nasty cuts and you plant a quick kiss on his wrist “I am proud of you being strong, stay with me too Jaehyun.”

“If getting hurt is what makes you stay a night more, I’ll bear it with you. Please don’t leave me.” Your tear fell and you kiss his cheek. He did not hear your last sentence for his chest has risen slowly and he fell asleep.

You glance to the half open door, of course Doyoung had to be eavesdropping. He tosses you a free blanket and you’re thankful for his quick wit. You cover Jaehyun up and leave to sleep in your own room. What tomorrow brings, you never know. But tonight, you’re glad at least you help Jaehyun overcome one of his dark nights again.

end

i hope no one has to go through this scenario irl..

reach out for help okay, whenever you feel lonely don’t let the loneliness win over you. you should fight back, or find someone to accompany you 

#jaehyun angst #jaehyun x reader #jaehyun x y/n #jaehyun x you #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun oneshot #jaehyun fanfic #yoonoh x reader #yoonoh #nct angst #doyoung x reader #doyoung x you #doyoung x jaehyun #jaehyun suggestive #jaehyun hurt #nct 127 angst #jaehyun #jaehyun x male reader #jung jaehyun angst

[zuzuslastbraincell]

For the salty ask game: 6, 10 and 16? <3

6: Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

I never used to like kataang or maiko much, but I’m good with the former and really like the latter now.

while I’m still not a big fan of the kataang (without wanting to write an essay: ember island players ruins it for me), I’ve softened on it a lot largely just from seeing the content for it on here. they’re just honestly very sweet? I don’t know if it’ll last for practical reasons, but the idea of aang & katara offering each other hope from the beginning and until the end is just lovely. 

as for maiko, I absolutely love the strength of mai & zuko’s dynamic (platonic or romantic) just from their boiling rock interactions alone. I feel like a lot of early s3 maiko very much demonstrates that they have some communication difficulties to work through together (thinking about the beach in particular here, but also the ‘are you cold?’ scene, as well as the break-up via letter interaction, that’s the big one) and in a sense mai represents part of zuko’s ‘ideal’ life as a perfect prince that he realises that he has to break from in the first half of s3, but I’ve come around to the idea that if they spent some time working through their communication issues they could really have something lovely? I do also think mai deserves a short break from the stifling culture of nobility/time to explore herself first, but after that? totally could work. like, i’m personally really attached to the gay zuko headcanon and always have been but a lot recent mutuals are maiko shippers and i’ve become very attached to maiko as well because of them (in parallel universes of course).

16: If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

so many things....

1. less racist, more sensitive worldbuilding. crucially better south asian rep, clear south asian rep. this also means including removing the caricature of guru pathik and changing the design of combustion man (and p’li) not to include a reference to shiva. the show’s philosophies and vocabulary owes so much to south asian culture and the lack of representation in that aspect alone is shocking.

2. references to the fact that there are some air nomad survivors / descendents in hiding in various and that being a late s2 / s3 subplot. (maybe aang is still the last airbender tho? but certainly his culture won’t die with him). the culture isn’t perfectly preserved / has changed with time and enduring hardships, some things have been lost, but there are still survivors clinging on, proud. maybe it’s this community that helps with him the avatar state, not a random guru? or they could help him with his s3e1 dilemma about ‘blending in’, as many of them have discarded certain aspects of appearance in order to hide? i feel like this could add so much to aang’s arc in the latter half of the show.

3. better writing of the white lotus, with the white lotus as a international resistance org that operates in all nations, that uses old man’s pai sho club as a front. they’re introduced as opposing the dai li in ba sing se, as trying to organise resistance in secret, have ties to some local revolutionary/radical factions as they have a long standing rivalry with the dai li (& part of the reason the dai li side with azula is to crush the white lotus and resistance to their reign). iroh is not grand lotus but merely gets recruited in s2, as part of a redemption arc.

4. a subtle iroh redemption arc where iroh realises he cannot simply be passive and perhaps let the treasonous thought ”hm, maybe it would have been better if the avatar fought sozin” cross his mind - he needs to take a more active role in opposing the fire nation, and he joins the white lotus. i think he also needs to reckon quite specifically with the cost of the siege of ba sing se, he needs to make amends to those hurt from it on both sides - be confronted by fire nation defectors who left after the siege because why were their deaths less important that his son’s? as well as encounter how the siege left scars on the lower ring, in a less visible way (untrained lower ring residents formed resistance militia and generally died in huge numbers; plague and starvation greatly affected the lower ring, etc.). no iroh as a moral authority here - he’s morally grey trying to become good. also he doesn’t stick around in ba sing se, he realises the jasmine dragon, as lovely as it is, isn’t true redemption either, and at the end of the series he stays in the fire nation.

5. leading into point 3 (and 4): in s3 the gaang encounters and works with grassroots underground resistance in the fire nation. i think this is a better message than ‘oh the fire nation is a soceity ridden by class division that exploits its poorer / less privileged people and its own environment as long as it doesn’t affect the elite, and turns even its most privileged children into traumatised child soldiers and is indirectly hurt by its own colonialism and imperialistic culture, and that’s deeply sad’ - i think a better message is ‘the fire nation is a society with all those problems and you can do something about it. you can stand up. even though that’s scary.’ this resistance group is around for day of black sun (in fact they’re vital to it) and then you see a key member in boiling rock too.

6. no combustion man. honestly? weak writing. would much prefer zuko attempting to ‘stealthily’ track the gaang on the false premise of a ‘welcome home tour’ where he slips out under night to try and chase them down - this would mostly be alluded to in a few scenes. i also think this would get zuko to realise how much the fire nation itself has been hurt from war. i think the main early s3 plot points e.g. the beach episode still happens, as does the war meeting. i feel like zuko would need extra firepower to be a decent s3 threat - maybe he takes mai and ty lee with him? zuko ultimate lesbian ally takes bored lesbians from the palace for a knife throwing chi blocking field trip kjfshdj i’m joking. but seriously we could also have a combustion bender on board as well as a potential new character (i’m imagining someone like a younger p’li if i’m honest, same age range as zuko), as long as they have a character beyond being a scary assassin. maybe they defect early to the resistance group before the day of black sun, tell zuko they should too (but zuko doesn’t listen)? that’d be rad.

7. the existence of grassroots resistance would basically allow for the series to end with zuko being offerred the crown, but deciding to give it up / end the royal line. rather than a power vacuum, or iroh, the existance of resistance means there are clearly people (i.e. adults) who can fill that space. maybe this is a bit optimistic of me but i would just love to set up a scenario where zuko doesn’t become a boy-king of an imperialist nation and where absolute monarchy doesn’t continue, where there’s a clear shift in system. i understand the narrative power of zuko acknowledges he has inherited wealth and power that has been gained through exploitation and imperialism, and dedicating his whole life to undoing the damage his family has done, but i think he can do this without being the fire lord? in fact not being the fire lord is a good first step. zuko finds another way of doing exactly this.

8. talked about this a lot recently but better toph s3 representation & greater ties to the earth kingdom. also, i’d just appreciate a lot more flavour from the earth kingdom as a whole, and more prominent characters from there?

9. okay i’m not sure there is quite honestly space in the narrative for an azula redemption clearly on screen in as much depth as zuko’s but 1. i’d like iroh not to treat her horribly, thanks, and maybe even try to reach out to her at appropriate moments, maybe we see him (comically) say a lovely warm hello during her s2 appearances, maybe we see her play pai sho with him in s3 while he’s in prison in return for some secret info he’s not actually giving her while he’s not-so-subtly suggesting she should defy her father (but it’s too little too late, he already *chose* zuko in her eyes, and perhaps he did and is only just beginning to realise that) 2. i would like some hope and optimism at the end for azula. her breakdown is truly tragic but it feels like pain for pain’s sake in a sense - i would have loved for the finale scene with zuko & ozai replaced with a scene where someone visits azula and tells them they’ll be there for her and/or they love her. perhaps iroh, perhaps zuko (though i think that one would be more complicated obviously). i would love a post-finale scene where iroh sets up a tea shop somewhere in the fire nation where we see azula out the back, finishing up wiping down/mopping the patio, and before aang goes inside to say hi to his friends, we see them bump into each other - azula bows deeply, a clear apology, and aang accepts it. then we see azula runs off to go hang out with some friends before we follow aang inside as he encounters his own friends.

basically i’d rewrite a lot of s3. i’m dearly, dearly attached to s3, especially the second half, which has some of my favourite episodes of the entire season, but i think it’s flawed.

#drowning-in-cacophony #long post #sorry this ended up being REALLY long

[shinobirain24]

Suspicion

(Warning: this fanfic might come with suspense and crime).

A man with tangerine hair and black clothing was sitting in an interrogation room. Handcuffed to a chair with his hands behind his back. And the light shining above him.

While Neptune stood in front of him, glaring at the sight of the criminal before him and slammed his palm on the table. "Tell me why you did it?" He questioned.

"Did what? I didn't do anything." The thug denied. But Neptune wasn't going to leave him easily. Even for a softie. "The little girl you tried to take is my daughter and now you're answering to me. Tell me why you tried to take her, it who sent you?" He repeated.

-Yesterday-

Little Tristina is enjoying a day in the park making Sandcastles in a sandbox with her friends. Including her big brother Tristan. But then a figure appeared. "Hello children, do you want some candy?"

Jupiter, who was looking after his niece and nephew was talking to a friend since Haven Academy. Suddenly heard barking. It was coming from his family pet dog, Cerberus, who was ready to attack the man, and got in front of the children. "Cerberus?!" Called Jupiter.

Then he ran up to the pitbull and calmed him down. "Cerberus, calm down. What's wrong?" Then he turned to Tristan. "The man was trying to take my sister. And Cerberus is protecting us." Said Tristan. Then Jupiter glared at the man. "Hey you! Is this true you're trying to take my niece?!" Interrogated Jupiter.

The man shaken and held his hands out in denial. "N-no! The kid is lying. I was just saying hello!" He lied. But Jupiter wasn't falling for it and could tell his dog if following his instincts of danger. "Really, why is my dog barking at you? He could tell you're not friendly around here." He said. Cerberus growled at the man trying to take his owners. The kids a dog ever loves.

The next thing, the kidnapper tried to run away. But Jupiter catched up to him and tackled him to the ground. And beat him up, but made sure he did not kill him. And took him to the police station his younger brother is working as chief in uniform. "Hey bro. Caught this guy stalking the kids. I'll leave him to you." He informed and the kidnapper was taken into custody.

Good thing Tristan knows a thing or two about strangers as his parents taught him. Fortunately, Cerberus was trained to attack anybody suspicious. If anyone tries to come near the kids for a malicious purpose, that's when he will snap. And the kids' safety is the pitbull's priority.

It got Weiss scared after she was informed with all of this and kept the kids in the house for their safety. And couldn't bear the fact that she almost lost her children.

"Tristina, Tristan, it's okay!" She wept while hugging her younger children. As Tide, her eldest, hugged his mother also. "Mom, don't blame yourself, Cerberus did a good job on following his instincts. Tristina and Tristan are safe thanks to him." Cerberus also came to comfort Weiss. As she stroke his head, gently. "Thank you, Cerberus."

-Today-

Weiss went to check up with her husband in the station. And he came out of the interrogation room. Brushing her hair, nervously. "Anything?" Asked Weiss.

Neptune sighed and brushed his hair back. "Yeah, he finally confessed. Turned out he was hired by the Ashlands, who were once connected to your father. Do you know about them?" Weiss jolted in shock on hearing that name. The Ashlands were once associated with her father, who was CEO of the SDC at the time.

Like her father, they are conniving people who swindled for money, and once time, they destroyed another family's factory when the victims refused to sell their property. "When the guy confessed he was paid 5,000 lien to take Tristina and bring her to them, and use her for a bride of their son for when she is older, as payback on you."

"I feared this would happened. And to think they wouldn't know where I was today. I hoped they would never think of something cruel to our children! My father did crossed the line. Even with him gone, they are still here. Those Ashlands will pay for what they tried to do." Weiss growled. Hating the family who tried to take her daughter against her will.

Neptune then comfort her to not let the pain get to her any further. "I know, I'll make sure they do. For now. We can't stay here. For now, we might have to move. Now that the Ashlands know about us, chances are, they will do it again." Neptune informed after the man revealed they will stop at nothing to get what they wanted.

"You're right. We have to think of the children first. After what happened yesterday, we cannot let that happened again."

"Let's go back home, you need some rest. The kids are waiting for us. I'll be sure to put the Ashlands on a manhunt list." Neptune said. And Weiss nodded in agreement. They then walked out, hand in hand. The man was sentenced to life in prison for kidnapping. "Also, think your sister will be sure to keep on a lookout for the Ashlands?"

"Of course. Maybe this way, they won't hide forever. After all, she's been after that family for years." Weiss said and took her scroll to contact her sister. Since then, the Ashlands became the most wanted criminals all over Remnant.

Tristan has been working on training with Cerberus for commands the next time anyone tried to go after him or his sister. They became an unstoppable team. Man's best friend is no joke. "Nice job, Cerberus." He said.

-7 days later-

The Schnee-Vasilias Family moved into an apartment in Vale. Where Neptune can continue to work as a cop in Vale and keep an eye on things. Weiss installed security cameras in fear their children will be taken. And they made sure the house is secured, including the locks, and the windows.

Tide then decides to work alongside his father for when he is older. Knowing how unsafe the streets were when it comes to invulnerability. And even looked after his siblings.

Weiss is sitting on a sofa with her younger son and daughter. Tristan hugs his mother while Tristina sleeps on Cerberus like a pillow. Feeling safe when he's around. Cerberus had not taken his eyes off the children since the incident. The Ashlands were still at large since then.

"I miss grandma and grandpa, mommy." Said Tristan, missing his grandparents in Mistral since he visits them sometimes. But now he was far from them. "I know, Tristan. But you and your brother and sister needed to be safe first. Okay?" Weiss said in a comforting tone. "Okay."

"Mommy, when is Daddy coming home?" Asked Tristina, waking up after another nightmare. "Did you have a nightmare again?" Asked her mother.

The little girl sniffled in tears. "The bad man tried to take me. It was scawy." Cried the toddler. The white-haired woman then took her daughter in her arms. "It's okay, darling. The bad man won't get you. Your father made sure of it." She promised. Never letting go of her children.

Then Cerberus handed Weiss her scroll as Neptune called. "Good boy, Cerberus." Weiss said and picked up the call. "How is work, Neptune?" Asked Weiss. "Hey honey, is everything okay?" He asked, checking up on his family. "Everything is okay. The kids seemed to have been adjusting to our new home."

"That's great. Listen, Weiss. I am going to be a little late getting home. Can I say hi to the kids before I go?" Asked Neptune. Then Weiss turned to the children. "Do you want to say hi to your daddy?" The kids nodded excitedly. And leaned to the scroll.

"Daddy!" They shouted happily. "Hey there! Did you miss me?" For now, they needed time to cope. And when taking them to school, Weiss and Neptune made sure they get there safely. Tristan then held his sister's hand to keep her safe. Dressed in school uniforms. "Stay safe, and have a nice day!" Waved Weiss.

"Bye Mommy! Bye Daddy! We love you!" Shouted Tristina, smiling. Weiss had been thinking about homeschooling them, still fearing for the safety of her family. But knows that it will make the children sad if they were kept in isolation and not have any friends.

-13 years later-

There was a session with Professor Goodwitch when he gives lectures about safety. Since the Fall of Beacon Academy from the first downfall. It haunted Glynda for not seeing any signs of traitors around the area.

"And that, students is why we must keep an eye on any signs of suspicion. No matter if it's a friend, family member, or anyone you knew. Especially the people you never met. If you see anyone, and something isn't right. Report to the security building immediately." Glynda said.

Tristan had been working down notes ever since that day his sister was almost taken. Even as a child, he had seen it all. It also traumatized him to this day. Tristina would've been gone had Cerberus not come to their rescue.

"You okay, Tris?" Dana Coal, his best friend and crush, who he is in a friend zone with, asked. In concerns for the well-being. "Yeah, just bad memories flashing."

"Come on, maybe some coffee will get your mind off things."

Later at the Vale Police Station. Tristan and Dana visited Tristan's set brother, Tide to check up on updates about the Ashland Family. "Hey, bro. How's it hanging?"

"Not bad. Is everything alright, Tris?" Asked Tide who was reading the reports of recent events, now that he is police captain. "Yeah, anything about the Ashlands yet?" Asked Tristan. That is when he gave his brother the news.

"The good news is, two of the family members are now cuffed and awaiting trial." Tide informed. Dana also hates that family since the beginning. "And the bad news?" She asked.

"19 of the family members are still at large. Who would've thought that the Ashland Household would be that big?"

"Is Tristie doing okay?" Asked Tristan, concerned for his sister's safety. "Mom called, she enrolled Tristina to Amazon Academy in the Kingdom of Troy." Said Tide.

"You mean an all-girls academy for future huntresses?" Asked Dana. Amazon Academy is a school for girls, it has the highest security in the Kingdom of Troy, another former unknown land where there were cultures of battle stadiums. "Yeah, Mom says it's for the best. This way, she will be safe. The headmistress of the academy is nice, so she was aware of the Ashland case. And made sure Tristie is in good hands."

"Better be good though." Tristan said. Not convinced, but hopes for the better. The next day, Tristan then was about to sleep in his dorm room. And Cerberus nuzzled his leg, missing Tristina. "Hey boy. I missed her too." Cerberus then climbed into his bed and rest. As Tristan smiled and wrapped his arm around him. "Hey, don't worry about me. I'll be just fine."

Cerberus had been attached to Tristan since he was keeping an eye on him. And never left his side since.

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