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#if and where I fuck up instead of constantly screening everything I write for anything Problematic™
whumpacabra · 2 months
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help girl (gender neutral) there’s a jansenist monk in my brain being mean to me
#not whump#personal#beans speaks#which is to say I’m fighting the moral ocd allegations and. well. not losing but I’d rather be winning.#obv I try to write abt the topics I do with care/a narrative purpose. idk just like.#the hyper vigilance of ‘am I writing torture apologia? am I writing about real world horrors for entertainment purposes?’ is getting to me#which don’t get me wrong I want to reflect on my writing I want to check myself if my post 9/11 right wing upbringing is showing.#I’ve been working on unlearning a lot of shit for a while and I’m happy to keep doing so.#just that sometimes I stress myself out to the point where (and I know it’s a cop out and not viable) I just want someone to tell me#if and where I fuck up instead of constantly screening everything I write for anything Problematic™#which like I said. not viable and I need to keep learning to keep unlearning everything I grew up in. but still.#sometimes I’m tired and scared of myself and don’t want to make anything that hurts anyone#and it’s easier to make nothing than to make something that I need to go over with a fine toothed comb#which again - that’s a cop out and I gotta keep making stuff. just. idk. having debates in my head abt how I depict things w critics that#don’t currently exist and maybe never will so I know it’s just a Bad Brain kinda day.#edit: lmao I figured out what triggered me I am literally just in an emotional flashback struggle trauma is so fucking stupid yall
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showtoonzfan · 2 months
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Now I want to talk about Charlie cause good GOD. I never cared much for her in the pilot, I’ll admit that. I always called her boring compared to the other characters because of how developed they were compared to her. However the show takes everything that the pilot build up for her and just made her 10x worse to the point where she’s INSUFFERABLE to watch.
When I got to the very end of the season, I realized that she barley did anything progressive or had an impact on any character, at least what we’ve seen on screen. I understand this was the first season, but what exactly was her arc and what exactly did she do? Nothing. Throughout the season she wasn’t a leader, the most she did was help Sir pen with lessons and have that fight at the heaven trial. In the end they try to act like she overcame some arc about learning to lead and take charge but…she didn’t really. She was helped constantly by people around her, mainly Vaggie/Alastor/Rosie and she never really did anything on her own that was enough to signify her independence as the MAIN character or even the princess of hell. I love how she needed to be TOLD that her girlfriend cared for her…like wow. Vaggie also states that she’s “done so much and touched so many souls”- and all I could think about is how I actually wish we saw that on screen. Husk said she “wants to fix everyone’s problems but her own” and I never got that vibe out of her??? If she was more like Luz from the Owl house where we constantly saw her avoid her own emotions and problems and focus more on helping other people, then it would make sense but guess what, we don’t see any of that because the show is so disinterested in ACTUALLY focusing on Charlie shining at the front and helping people. They scrapped the main premise of her wanting to help sinners and instead used up all the time they had to introduce new characters. It’s all tell and no show as expected.
She’s painted as someone who’s desperate to save her people but when she’s not the focus and actually helping someone, she’s a whiny frustrating crybaby who needs to be coddled or steered in the right direction, and it’s SO hard to watch how her character is treated like a child who can’t do anything. This character has existed for 200+ years canonically but she isn’t written like that. She’s dumb. The fact that she’s such a doormat that she can’t even realize Angel is being abused by Val or even DO ANYTHING about it is fucking baffling, she’s THAT useless. There were so many moments in the show where she could have used her authority or powers to save trouble, but she just doesn’t do it because she’s useless, and I’m tired of people trying to say she’s a pacifist to excuse the shitty writing. She’s also basically Viv’s self insert in a way, an unfunny woman child who’s a hypocrite. Like Charlie is the equivalent of dry white chicken. There’s no seasoning or flavor to her character, she’s SO bland and boring that Lucifer and Alastor end up being more important than her and having more screen time, she’s ATTACHED to them and it really shows, rather than her being at the front. And I know we’re on season 1, but you’d think that Charlie’s childishness would actually be a character flaw and something she needs to overcome and grow up about. But this isn’t really seen as an issue and more of a quirky thing cause Viv thinks being a woman child is funny, the “fuck you you old bitch” scene made me cringe so god damn hard. Everyone has already said it, but Charlie cursing so so forced and unnatural for her character. I don’t like how she’s supposed to be a cinnamon roll but then at the same time swears and acts feral at times. It doesn’t fit.
During the fight scene in the end, she also does absolutely nothing. She made a whole deal about how she wants to defend her people and get back at the angel’s, but aside from throwing Adam and hitting him once, she needed to be protected or saved, Lucifer ended up actually doing the work and it was so hilarious. Speaking of that, Charlie’s daddy issues arc was also rushed, her and Lucifer reuniting and then making up within the same episode was a mistake. Then you realize that her daddy issues was mainly all Charlie had to her in terms of depth and what was explored in the show. I’m so tired of Viv giving her characters daddy issues, it’s getting old lol. But regardless of what Charlie has to her, in general the show just doesn’t focus on her. She’s not the main focal point of the show when she should be. SHE’S the one who wants to redeem sinners, the hotel was her idea. Even tho the pilot was a mess I still felt like she was determined to take the lead due to her beliefs. And yet she still feels like a side/background character who only occasionally gets focus here and there but certainly not compared to the others. The potential is there but due to the favoritism of the writing she’s such an empty and boring character and stayed like that till the very end.
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ethanhuntfemmefatale · 9 months
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ur stacee jaxx posting has me so intrigued I feel like I need to watch rock of ages when it’s near the bottom of my TC watchlist 😭😭
sicko voice YESSSSSSSSSS
ok let me be nice and actually honestly lay out what i think of the movie and to what extent i would recommend it & why
So I really fucking loved watching this movie. But part of that is that it happens to jive well with my particular taste. I'm an MI2 enjoyer--I have more affinity for camp than the average person I think. I am also a performer by trade, and literally nothing gets me more rabid than watching someone perform who's really really good at it (not the craft, the Performance.) The way that TC works a stage in this movie is insane. The way he works a room is insane. TC always performs in movies, but in this movie he wants us to know he's performing all the time--"I am on stage," Stacee says before collapsing into the pool--and so he lampshades and spotlights and (pardon me) amplifies his own performance CONSTANTLY....it creates a completely mind blowing experience for me. It's basically performance porn. I also just love rock, so the music kinda slaps for me ngl. TC's voice is good! And he does character work through it which is unusual for someone who isn't a professional singer. The last thing is that I really liked how weird it was….which is not a positive quality for everyone but is a real necessity for me to totally love a movie
The movie itself is really bad. It's bad in a funny way at times, in an annoying way at times, and sometimes it's just boring. I did enjoy it, but once Stacee started showing up it became really difficult for me to watch the movie when he Wasn't on screen. There were a few non-Stacee moments that i genuinely liked, but they were pretty rare and far apart. The appeal of this movie for me is largely just TC's physicality, which might not be as appealing to everyone--TC spends The Entire movie shirtless, good god man someone get him some water, and it's not...for me, at least, the interest of that is not a sex thing. It almost becomes sexy because TC leans into the grotesque exaggeration of it. (He has this wounded-animal swag throughout.) But for me, it's--seeing the way he moves, and being able to watch the movements of his body so intimately, is really fucking striking, it kind of takes your breath away. There's so much gravitas to the physical presence of Stacee, there are so many moments (the movie is kinda built on this) where Stacee is silent for long stretches of time, he takes a Long Time to say most of his lines. But he's so physically expressive, even when he's just laid out on the couch, that you can't look away from him. And in a few key moments, the most compelling emotional beats happen while TC isn't saying anything at all, just acting his heart out.
For me, as a TC fan, it was really epic to see this movie because it feels like the most overwhelming display of skill I've ever seen from the man. To me, his work in this movie is far more viscerally impressive than any of the MI stunts. The character of Stacee doesn't come from the writing, doesn't come from the concept, literally emerges entirely from the depth and breadth of TC's work with the character. It's pretty spectacular.
Anyway those are my thoughts. If you don't like camp, if you don't like dealing with a very embarrassing watching experience, this is probably not the movie for you. It's all over the top and oscillates between intentionally flayed-raw (TC) and just silly (everything else). Also, if the idea of TC viscerally working a stage while shirtless in leather pants with gun tattoos pointing towards his crotch sounds uncomfortable or horrifying instead of fascinating, you probably won't like this movie. I really liked this movie.
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edoro · 10 months
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thinking a lot lately about the very fun experience of technically being able to work, but not consistently or enough to make a living
recently i took five days off from my (extremely easy, simple, online, wfh) job because i had hit the point of being burned out that thinking about it made me Literally Want To Kill Myself
i spent those days cleaning my house, playing video games, and writing original fiction that i’m going to try to sell, and also doing things like “crying into my salad while i washed the leaves” and “laying on the floor thinking What if I Was Dead Instead” because none of the stressors that made me get to that point were actually gone and in fact taking this time off of working was making a big one (the fact that i live on a very narrow margin of financial safety where i am usually just BARELY able to pay for everything i need) significantly worse
now i have to get back to it and i can already physically FEEL the stress returning, although thankfully the constant mental loop of “what if i just killed myself instead” is mostly gone and i just feel kind of shitty about it
but this is a pattern for me, and it’s a deeply frustrating and demoralizing one. get a job, hope that this time this will be the job i am Able To Consistently Do And Live Off Of, and then from there a few things have tended to happen:
1) i’m actually really good at the job but doing it drives me insane because it hits all of my anxiety and trauma buttons and every working day involves psychologically torturing myself for several hours straight (anything involving phones)
2) i like the job but i suck at it and the knowledge that i suck at it drives me into a despair spiral that ends with me quitting before i get fired
3) i like the job and i’m okay to good at it, but either something external happens (car dying while working as a delivery driver, covid) to force me out of it OR i just hit my burnout point anyway because there is something deeply broken inside of my brain wrt my ability to function as a person in the type of society i currently live in
And Then I Don’t Have A Job Anymore. the longest i’ve managed to keep a job is not quite three years, and then covid happened and i had to choose between continuing to work in retail or keeping myself safe from getting the fucking plague. the specter of “having to go back to working around the general public, none of whom mask anymore, and also no one is really vaccinating anymore either” looms over me constantly.
every time this happens it makes me feel even more like a useless garbage person AND it makes it much harder to get another job, because my employment history is full of three to six month stays at jobs that most people would find incredibly simple and easy, and i have to try to find a way to explain that without saying “i’m insane and probably going to have a mental breakdown under the crushing weight of light clerical duties, but i prommy i’ll do a good job up until i hit that point”
and meanwhile while i AM working, i have absolutely no energy or motivation for anything else. i can’t keep my house clean. i can barely maintain my own hygiene. i can’t write. i can’t engage in any hobby that isn’t passively absorbing information through a screen. AND i can barely make enough money to live on with the number of hours i’m capable of working, so it doesn’t even feel particularly worth it.
anyway. idk. it just sucks. it’s really hard and i’m tired of living like this but the only solutions seem to be “win the lottery” or “stop being disabled” or maybe “find a sugar daddy.”
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liltaz-asatreat · 2 years
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YES YES YES I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO REBLOG IT :DDD
Obviously I gotta ask about Lucretia and then Julia and I'm also gonna ask about amber :>
:DDDD
You can find the ask game here!
So for Lucretia:
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I almost put deeper than she seems top, but then I thought about it, and in the podcast, while we don't see a lot of her at all, including the Stolen Century, she's still portrayed as a very deep character obviously with everything she's got going on and that she did lol
And honestly, the reason why I would be afraid of her is because, upon first meeting her, I would definitely be intimidated because I'm always intimidated by people I see as authority figures no matter what context it is or how I meet them, and I feel like on top of that, she would have a pretty intimidating aura post stolen century, and even through a lot of the latter years of the stolen century, particularly after cycle 65. And then once I'd get to know her or if I was in the balance universe and met her after Story and Song and heard the story, I would also be afraid of her because I see so much of myself in her (like now irl! Lol) and like, her whole deal and the decisions she made being a reminder of some parts of myself that I'm not too proud of and having her be a mirror as I think about what I would have done in her situation and wondering if there would be a reality in which I wouldn't do what she did even though I know it's wrong because of the thinking and behavioral patterns I constantly have to fight and sometimes fall back on without being in a apocalyptic situation 24/7 for countless years
How do you look someone in the eyes with the love you feel for them when they've deeply hurt the people they're closest too and countless others in the crossfire and being angry on the victims' behalf while also knowing that she was just doing her best and trying to mitigate the hurt they were already feeling and fix things the best way she knew how and tried her best to make them happy and safe while also knowing the aftermath and why it was wrong while also knowing that if put under the exact same circumstances having the exact same experiences, you would have done the same thing, so you have no room to judge?
How do you look at yourself after coming to that revelation?
Anyway, I just love her and am angry at her and hurt for her and have complicated feelings about her and myself and yeah *arm wiggles*
Definitely mentally I'll over her ghfkajflJxk
For Julia:
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There's like, no information about her in canon, so while I do like the things about her that's stated in canon, most of everything has to come from head canon and fanon ghdlajflJsl
And honestly, I never really had much to say about her because like, no one basically knows anything about her, but now I'm like, writing this whole AU where I have to make stuff up about her based on the bare bones Travis gave, and it's gotten a lot easier to do that as time has gone on, but I feel like she's basically more of an OC at this point?? Which is fine I guess since she only showed up for 2 scenes, and Travis' main descriptor of her is that she made Magnus into a "good man" instead of a "good person", whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean fjslahflKcjal
But I love her and I desperately wish she had more screen time, both because I want to know more about her as an audience member because she seems cool and she and Magnus were happy together and they deserve the best and also because it would make my life as a fanfic writer so much easier!!! Lmao like, I worry about whether she's in character or not all of the time beyond my normal can't keep any character consist, but also like, there is virtually no canon to stick to which should be freeing but AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
For Amber:
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I don't really have too much to say about her rn; I think that's mostly because it's been a while since I listened to Ethersea or thought about it and her all that much. But I did put a slash through they've never done anything wrong in their life because that's most of my feelings toward her, but I do feel like she was a little hard on Devo in the end there (though I can't really blame her for snapping just... when he just lost his mother figure? That's when she snapped? Really?) And I really wish they had been able to resolve that.
I also put a slash in they got done dirty by the fans because, while most of the posts I had seen about her during the last arc of the campaign were okay, there were a few that were harsh on her about her reactions to Devo and all the reasons why they hated her now when like, she had reason to be upset with him? I'm not saying that her being hard on him right after he lost Guidance was right, but Devo wasn't right in how he was treating people then and for the entirety of the podcast either tbh, and that argument and resulting tension for the rest of the season was a long time coming. And even though she was done with his bullshit, she still cared enough about him to go after him in the tower despite not wanting to and to make sure he was safe and even got to see the surface of another world before she dived head first into it.
Like, neither of them are perfect characters, far from it actually, and that's the point, and I think there were some people who were too harsh on both of them. Myself included at times tbh
Most of the other posts about her were fine though, so that's why it's only a slash lol
Thank you for sending this in!!! :D
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amber-angel · 2 years
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Do an analysis on your fave muppet man
Rori I need you to know that I saw this and shot straight up, sucking in a huge breath with the BIGGEST adrenaline spike I've had in days. I could literally talk about Jaskier for HOURS, and have to constantly reel myself in so I hope you know what you've unleashed.
Overall opinion: is it bad if my most prevalent opinion on him is just that he's a massive slut? Because that's the first thing that comes to mind whenever I look at him. I think he's severely underutilized, but I also understand why, like, from a management perspective, they don't want their most charismatic character taking up all the screen time. I mean, I'm only watching the show for him at this point anyway, can you imagine how much worse it would be if he was a main? Also I'm just like... fucking in love with the concept of him at this point? I mean his name is Dandelion. His nickname is Buttercup. He's a bard. People call him lark in fics. I was fucking gone as soon as I heard the bread line, but it only got worse from there
One virtue: okay, I like to insult my floppy little muppet boy (with fondness) but I really do think he's an interesting character. Reading about how they changed him from the book to the screen to fit a retelling for a more modern audience, I think it was clever that Lauren (writer) decided to pull away from Dandelion as a womanizer and instead write him like a loving puppy of a man. He's layered. He's sweet and kind, but also will stab a bastard. He's empathetic and willing to sympathize, but at the same time totally down for wishing a slow death upon his enemies. And I know that his overprotectiveness of Geralt is mostly romanticized fanon, but you cannot tell me that he wouldn't jump over a counter to punch anyone who insults his best friend.
One flaw: most of the problems that I have with Jaskier, much like the problems I have with the other characters, are not actually about the character themselves, but with the way their arcs were written, or the way character development just didn't happen. Jaskier is so neglected by the writers that a lot of his growth happens off screen. It has to, or he would just be totally stagnant. And so somewhere between his last scene in the first season and his first appearance in the second, he's turned into this serious rebel spy person, but the writers are still trying to portray him as "goofy old Jaskier! haha, he's funny!" but they're doing this while he's trying to help people escape from certain death, or after he's just been rescued from fucking torture, and it ends up giving you a bit of whiplash and wondering is there any consistency here?
Favorite moment: can't be from his arc because (AHEM) what arc?? But. I am so in love with the conversation he had with Yennefer, where they actually let him be serious and connect with her in a way that s1 Jaskier would never have done. I love love love when they let him show his compassionate side, because it's there! He cares about people so much!! And let's be honest, Anya and Joey worked so well together, I know, I know that they're never going to make Geralt/Yennefer/Jaskier canon, but if they didddd it would work so wellllll
Least favorite: GOD everything about him reuniting with Geralt/being in Kaer Morhen. Big boy just walks in there with his sad eyes and nipple armor and with absolutely no meaningful apology Jaskier just forgives him?? Honey! There are hundreds of people out there who would treat you better. Yennefer being one! Anyway, then, even though Geralt claims he "needs" him, Jaskier doesn't actually end up doing anything? He's just kind of there, I think because the writers knew that they needed to put him in that season or they would lose half their fan base. He's only ever acknowledged when he's being made fun of or pushed away, and I'm tired of it.
One relationship: well, we only really see him interact in any meaningful way with Geralt or Yennefer, but I prefer Yennefer. Like, they basically have nothing in common, but they still mesh so well, and even though I know their friendship won't be explored any more (because it reads as so genuine that Geralt/Yennefer feels like stone in comparison) it would be so cool to see them move past their initial dislike and become actual friends, maybe help each other heal from the MULTIPLE traumas
Relationship to explore: I want to see how Jaskier interacts with Ciri. I want to see it so bad. She's a child and he's a bard, can we not get him singing her a fun little song and letting her have some fun for once? Let him sing her a Cintran ballad and help her process and maybe mourn the things she's lost!! He is JUST as important as your other leads, so let him be a part of the family damn it! And let him be a father figure (or at the very least a weird uncle) to Ciri
What I would have liked to see: I think I've already said it, whoops, but really I would settle for seeing more of him. Jaskier is so good, but the show barely seems to care about him, like they don't realize that they've stumbled onto the best thing they're ever gonna have! Let my pathetic whore of a man have more screen time! Let him into the family! And maybe next time you think about using him for sex appeal don't force poor Joey Batey to do that fucking shit that male actors do to enhance their abs, that fucking dehydration shit? And don't make him shave, wtf, don't add on to our bullshit beauty standards.
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yasskaydee · 1 year
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For anyone whose been following the ML (incorrectly called "AI") art/writing/code generation space, this is an article I read with some good discussion and a few gem comments scattered through the thread. The two things that stood out for me the most:
This link (click PDF under "Download" in right hand menu to read the paper) examining how ML art generators do, in fact, directly plagiarize artwork: https://arxiv.org/abs/2212.03860
And these comments from "Longmile149" (page 6 of comment thread) which highlight the contrast between Silicon Valley techbro "move fast, break things" aloofness and real people who don't dedicate their lives to tech fetishism:
Post #1 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I worked in a school for a year post-pandemic doing IT support as they rolled out 1:1 devices for the kids. Not a lot of professional cred, I'll admit, but actual first-hand experience nonetheless. What I saw was a school that bought the sizzle but got a chewed-up plastic hamburger. The super cool ultra-high-tech hyper-personalized education software OF THE FUTURE made everything worse. Teachers couldn't teach if the network went down or if a license wasn't renewed or a vendor updated their app and broke the damn thing for a day in the process. With all the activities being splooged out of some SV assembly line somewhere, and all the student records being stored safely on the cloud, any disruption was essentially a death sentence for the day's learning...which was made even worse in the classes where they had students all at different points in a lesson, because even if the teachers did still have materials to work from, their students were all over the map and it wasn't possible to do anything coherent. Administrators routinely hammering that teachers must use the tools regardless of educational outcomes because the school had paid for the license to a software package and if they wanted to keep App A they also had to show they were using Apps B and C to maintain the funding. Added bonus, teachers who focused on teaching the material instead of teaching the software got hit on their end of year reviews. Added added bonus, teachers also got dinged on parent reviews because the educational software that they don't control didn't work and was confusing. Hey, you know how older people and people who aren't technophiles aren't great with new technology, especially stuff like license-based SAS kinda products that change constantly? Guess how good most of the teachers in the building were at figuring out wtf was going on and adapting or even calling the right person when their SSO broke? Also super fun trying to help teachers understand the difference between whitelisting and blacklisting websites and how to tell when their screen monitoring software had failed to release the previous students so that another teacher could work with that class and what to do about it. Know what a chatbot is absolute garbage at doing? Understanding. Anything. At all. That's not what they do or how they work. The chatbots can't tell if a kid knows the subject, it can only tell if the kid knows how to use the app the subject is being presented on. When we did finals, most of the kids in K-5 absolutely bombed the first time through because the testing software was different from the learning software and they were being asked to interact with the material in a fundamentally different way than what they'd been taught for the whole year. You wanna see kids break down and cry? Watch them sob uncontrollably because they thought they did everything right but then their entire test gets wiped out by a laptop battery dying. Watch them freak all the way out when their test software flags them for cheating and locks them out and their teacher can't help them unlock it. I could go on and on about how utterly fucked the whole thing was, but the point here is that educational software as a tool for educators to work with is fine (to a point), but the reality is that schools are going to push more and more into using educational software as a pillar for educations to be built on, and that's really bad. I wish I had any reason to believe that slapdash, ever-changing, top-down software dressed up with a chatbot on the front end (or whatever other trendy nonsense is hot in SV at the time) was gonna be good for kids, but I just don't...and that's about the only kind that exists. The digital divide is real and it's not just about access to shiny new laptops. There is a massive gap between the technical skills most people actually have and the technical skills the tech bros think everyone should have, and "do more computers harder" is gonna make that way, way, way worse, not better.
Post #2 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We’re comparing anecdata, so there’s no real right or wrong here. I feel you on the virtual and the self-pacing. My 7th grader is doing virtual school through our local district. It’s great in some ways, trash in others. He can rocket ahead…when the software is working. His teacher is legit and she’s very responsive and he can go in for face-to-face help if he needs it. It only works because I know enough to keep things working. I can troubleshoot, my wife and I can point him to other resources, we have other computers and reliable internet. We’re on the relatively privileged side of the digital divide. We are absolutely the exception. I work at a library now. One of my main jobs is helping people bridge that divide. People in their 20s who don’t know how to find the pdf they downloaded on their phone so they can print it. Kids who don’t understand why their school email on their Chromebook won’t let them send a document to the library for us to print. Parents who can’t figure out how to reconnect their phone to their email account. Immigrants who use Facebook Messenger to talk to family overseas who want to call someone at Facebook on the phone to beg for help because their account is locked and they don’t know how to fix it. Retirees who finally got comfortable with using their phone and then some asshole software guys decided to rearrange the UI and redecorate in an update and now they’re lost and giving up because it’s too much to keep relearning over and over. I’m glad that the tools exist, man, but I suspect it’s a fantasy to think that my experience was abnormal. A couple decades working in factory automation and a few years in school/library/public service IT work make me think it’s way, way more likely that most places are going to be badly rolled out. How can they not be? The culture of the tech industry fetishizes change for change’s sake. The vast majority of society can’t actually adapt to that fast enough to keep up. It’s why everything is a kludge. I dunno. I think there are gems to be mined from the stuff being developed for schools. There’s real need for reform and there are tech solutions that could be powerful tools if we actually slow down and regulate and standardize them and teach and support the teachers who’ll need to use them, but that seems…optimistic.
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malleux · 4 years
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spell [2]. | corpse husband
part one ; part three
-> Pairing: Corpse Husband x Fem!Reader
-> Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst
-> Warnings: Hate Comments, Self Doubt, Anxiety, Cursing
-> A/N: thank you for 1k notes on part one! i’m so glad everyone likes my work. it’s really nice getting this much love after taking a hiatus on my fire emblem writing blog. i hope y’all enjoy it and stay on the lookout for part three!
corpse husband taglist is closed!
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Two weeks.
It’s been two weeks since you joined Sean’s Among Us stream.
While that was your first public appearance, you had joined three others after that and already you were blowing up on almost every social media platform you had. The attention was kind of nice, you had to admit, but sometimes the anxiety of becoming a public figure weighed heavily on your shoulders.
During that time, you turned to your friends who were used to such scrutiny: Sean, Felix, and now Corpse, who you’ve been talking to every day for those two weeks.
It was another one of those nights where, at 1am, you were on Facetime with said man. His screen was dark, as usual. He hadn’t shown his face yet and you respected that. You didn’t need to see him to talk to him, or be his friend, or develop a slight crush on him. All of which you did.
The call was relatively silent on your end. Corpse was on Facetime with you, yes, but he was also on a call in Discord, once again playing Among Us.
You often wondered if playing that game was all your new friends did anymore.
You stayed quiet, letting Corpse play the game and avoiding his fans finding out about your call. You had college work to finish anyways, so the silence was rather helpful.
“We should ask Y/N if she wants to play. I wanna meet her.” Sykkuno’s voice rang out from the Discord call. He was right- you’d never met him. He and Corpse seemed extremely close, though, so you’d love to talk to him. A friend of your crush friend was a friend of yours.
“She’s busy tonight.” Corpse responded.
“Yeah, she’s got an exam coming up- wait, how do you know?” Sean joined in, questioning Corpse.
“Uh, I mean we’re on Facetime right now, I guess.” Your heart sped up- now his fans knew. “She’s studying. We’re just hanging out.”
“Didn’t you guys ‘hang out’ last night as well? It seems like you’re trying to take my best friend away from me.” Sean joked back.
“I mean, I definitely am.”
Your breath caught in your throat. What was that supposed to mean? Sean was obviously kidding, but the tone in Corpse’s voice wasn’t the one he used when he was joking as well.
Felix suddenly butted in. “Ooooh, I think Corpse-y has a little crush.”
“And if I do?”
Y/N.exe has stopped working.
꧁꧂
Three weeks, now, that you’ve been talking to Corpse daily.
One week since Corpse’s crush comment and one week that you’ve endured countless mentions and tags on Instagram and Twitter, constantly talking about #CorpseY/N.
You didn’t really mind the shipping, often losing yourself in daydreams about driving those two hours down from your apartment in Los Angeles down to San Diego and running into his arms. It didn’t help when he mentioned wanting you to come visit one day.
You just worried about how Corpse felt about them. He was still relatively new to blowing up on the internet as well, his fame suddenly skyrocketing in the past few months, so you weren’t sure if he was comfortable with them. You didn’t want to bring it up, either, fearing that the discussion would make things awkward between the two of you.
For now, you were rather content with just scrolling through the #CorpseY/N hashtag, looking at the pictures and nice things people had to say about you both.
“they’re so cute when they talk to each other, you can just tell Corpse meant it when he said he was trying to steal Y/N away.”
“#CorpseY/N is my new favorite thing. Everyone shut up this is all I’ll be talking about from now on.”
“God why can’t they just be together already? #CorpseY/N”
Everyone was so supportive and sweet, it almost made you feel like you already were Corpse’s girlfriend. Although your heart hurt when you were brought back to reality, you couldn’t help but love the comments that everyone left. They were amazing.
Until they weren’t.
There are always two sides of the same coin. Along from the supporters and their loving actions, there were also those who seethed at the idea of you and Corpse.
They scrutinized everything about you to the point that you made your Instagram account- already with 30k followers- private.
Haters talked about you. Your body, your personality, how you weren’t worthy to even talk to Corpse and the rest of the Youtubers, and so much more. You’ve spent many nights with your Facetime mic muted so that Corpse couldn’t hear the small sobs coming from you.
These thoughts were almost always on the back of your mind, but you were sometimes able to push them away.
Like now- as you focused on your exam. Well, tried to focus. There comes to be a time where one can only hear so many negative things about themselves before they can’t ignore it anymore.
But alas, you tried your hardest and finished your exam, before walking out of the room and pulling out your phone. Now, you had a break before your new classes started and you’ve never been more relieved. You pulled up a certain contact and clicked on the message icon, beginning to type.
you:
i’m finished! up next, a break.
corpse:
I hope you did well. How long is your break?
you:
two weeks!
corpse:
Come spend it in San Diego
You stopped in your tracks, taken aback by the offer. You really didn’t think that he’d invite you over, but you weren’t about to complain. Instead, you sent back an ‘I’ll pack tonight :)’ and rushed home to do just that.
Corpse called you as you packed, just like he calls every night. You were used to the routine now, often falling asleep around 3am as he stays on the phone, doing whatever he does with his ruined sleep schedule until you wake up and say good morning.
Tonight, however, you were too jittery to sleep. You stayed up all night with Corpse, talking about anything and everything, like usual.
What wasn’t usual, though, was how distracted he sounded. It made you nervous- was he having second thoughts about inviting you over? Was something wrong?
Your thoughts nearly overwhelmed you, forcing you to say something.
“Are you okay, Corpse?” You tried to hide the small shake in your voice.
“Hm? Uh, yeah, yeah, everything’s good. Why?”
“It doesn’t sound like it. What’s going on? You’re acting off.”
His side of the phone was silent for a moment, before he let out a sigh. “I’m just thinking about what I’ve got to do before you get here tomorrow. Like, cleaning and stuff.”
“Pshh, that doesn’t matter to me.” You waved your hand, even though he couldn’t see it in the darkness of your room.
“It’s just that, my apartment isn’t… the best. It’s small and there’s only one bedroom and it’s kind of shitty. I just don’t want it to be even more shitty.”
“Corpse, I’m coming there to spend time with you, not your apartment. I don’t care what any of that shit looks like. I’m going to be looking at you and hanging out with you. Not your apartment.” You didn’t mean to go on a tangent of reassurance, but you truly meant all of your words. “Hell, I might not even see the apartment because I already know I won’t be able to look away from you.”
“I- God, give me a minute. That took me off guard.” He laughed. “But thank you. I may not even be able to clean because I’ll be distracted too.”
“By what?”
“You, standing in front of me, in person.” You could hear the smile in his voice. “That’s a fucking dream come true.”
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taglist: @namjoons-crabssss @lookingforaplacetosleep @teenloves @princess00wifi @pillowjj @nvm-idgaf @creativedogs @wildflowerwhore @chillininahottub-withaghost @whyisquill @holosexualunicorn7000 @ourheavenlyemotions
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6K notes · View notes
fairyaali · 3 years
Note
hello love! Can I please request a somewhat spicy sub!chat noir x reader? Maybe where the reader is kinda feeling him up and leaving him hickeys and he’s a purring and moaning mess? Maybe he’s begging her to keep going and who is she to say no to such a sweet baby kitty? If that’s not too much of course😌 tysm
Hello bb ! I hope that this satisfied your sub! Chat needs hehe (i know it satisfied mine so) I really love how this came out and maybe i’m willing on continuing another part from here) Thank you so much for this request ! <3
Pairing: Chat Noir X Reader
Warnings: NSFW, characters are aged up in college here :), swearing.
Tags: Sub!chat, Dry humping, begging.
This is how it all went down. He saved you from an akumatized villain. He flirted. You flirted back. Then you guys started hooking up.
You didn’t understand why Chat Noir would do this with a civilian but like every other person on this planet, he has his needs. He would knock in a pattern on your window so you knew it was him and you would let him in, you’d talk for a bit, ask each other about your day until one of you breaks and pushes the other on the bed or against the wall. He was good in bed. Very good. You knew you’d never grow tired of this affair. To top it all off after you both finished you’d sit in bed and talk about all sorts of things. Aliens, Conspiracy theories about the media, gossip about people and sometimes he’d even play Mario Kart with you.
There were no strings attached. You both made it clear from day one. There couldn’t be. You both didn’t have the time for a relationship, you both didn’t have the energy for one so you simply stuck to the title ‘fuck buddies’ until one of you decides to back out. This night was different though. A smile didn’t appear on your face when you hear the familiar knock on your window because you were stuck cussing at your computer screen and rubbing your head in frustration. You had an essay to explain Shakespeare and his works but for some reason you kept deleting all that you’ve typed because you couldn’t put your thoughts into words.
He knocked again, quickly this time. “I know you’re there, beautiful.” His voice was muffled through the glass.
You huffed and put your laptop on the bed before stomping to the window. You opened it and were met by the hero grinning at you. You, on the other hand, didn’t have a pleased look on your face.
“I’m not in the mood Chat.” You state and were about to close the window again but he held it to stop you from closing it.
“Ma Belle, did I do something wrong?” He asks, a frown on his face.
You shake your head. “No, I just have this stupid essay that I’ve been trying to type out for the past four hours.” You sigh and make your way back to your bed, rubbing your temples.
He follows you inside and closes the window behind him.
“Maybe I can ease your stress for a little bit.” He says, a smirk on his face.
You simply shoot him a glare and he chuckles nervously, putting his hands up in defense.
“Okay. No sex. Got it.” He sits beside you and looks at what you’re typing.
“You know you can leave right? If you’re horny you can go to your other side bitches.” You say as you type away, your eyes glued onto your screen.
Chat purses his lips, like he held himself back from saying something and shook his head.
“Maybe I came here for some company.” He says.
You snort and chuckle. “Yeah right.” You say sarcastically and look at him, but he wasn’t smiling. You gulp and your smile fades away. Did he seriously come over because he feels lonely?
His face was leaning closer to your and you were leaning closer too. No. You had to finish this stupid essay.
“Stop distracting me kitty.” You whisper and kiss his nose quickly before looking back at the screen.
He groans and falls back on the bed, playing with the pillow.
“I can help you if you’re writing about Shakespear, I wro-“ He stops himself from talking and you turn around, quirking your eyebrow at him.
“You wrote an essay like this?” you questioned.
He visibly gulps and shakes his head.
“Do you go to college?” You question further.
He chuckles nervously. “You know I can’t tell you that mon ange.”
You stare at him for a moment before looking back at your screen. You decided not to pry further, he seemed uncomfortable talking about his personal life and you decided to respect his wishes.
Your phone started to ring and you see that it’s your friend from college Marinette. You pick it up.
“Hey Mari.” You say as you type.
“The deadline has been changed to next week!” She exclaims happily.
You were filled with rage.
“what?” You deadpanned.
“Yeah apparently some students asked to change it because they were having difficulties so he changed it to next week instead of tomorrow morning.”
“I literally asked him to extend the deadline three days ago and he refused. I swear to god I want to kill this son of a bitch” You groan and clutch your fist in anger.
She sighs, “I know girl, but hey at least you’ve got more time on your hands!”
Marinette always tried to be positive when she could and you appreciated that but honestly you needed to vent. “Yeah, thanks for letting me know Mari.”
“No problem! Bonne nuit.”
“Bonne nuit.” You sigh out before you end the call.
You groan out in frustration and shut your laptop.
“What happened?” Chat asks.
You get out of your bed and start to pace around.
“I have been working on this essay for the past four days, knowing very well how stupid it was that the deadline was only five days for a two thousand word essay on fucking Shakespeare and when I ask to extend the deadline, the son of a bitch replies with an angry email saying theres enough time and that im just lazy.” You finally breathe and chat was about to say something but you cut him off.
“But when his privileged French pupil ask him to extend the deadline of course he agrees and you know what, I think it was Adrien fucking Agreste who asked him because hes the fucking pretty model boy who has everybody on their knees for him just because of his high status.” You sit down and without realising you start talking about a different subject.
“Yeah, I get it, everybody wants to fuck the pretty blond guy with money, I would too but at least I don’t look like a thirsty bitch every time he talks to me, some girls in my damn college have literally no chill and I swear to god one day I want to make him my bitch, make him weak for me to show those bitches what i’m capable of.” You were breathing heavily at this point and your face was flushed red.
You always thought Adrien was attractive, everyone did but whenever he talked to you, you responded normally to him unlike other people who constantly laughed at everything he said to try and get in his pants. He was a good guy but he was too well known for his own good and it made you uninterested in him. You thought he was out of your league, that’s what those french bitches told you at least. They belittled you just because you’re foreign - you knew they were just jealous that Adrien was always the one to come up to talk to you unlike them.
That was enough ranting for now. You look at Chat who was staring at you wide eyed, his cheeks glowing red.
“You don’t need to say anything, it’s just-“ You look down at his body and notice something. “Chat..why are you hard?”
He crosses his legs over the other awkwardly to try and hide it. “W-What are you talking about?”
You stand up and walk over to him and he walks back until he’s pressed against the wall.
“What? You get hard thinking about me making someone weak?” You whisper to him and he looks away from you. “You want me to do the same to you kitty?” You kiss his ear and he shudders, nodding slowly. Your hand moves down from his chest to his belly and your lips move from his ear to his jaw. Chat tilts his head back and a frenzy of purrs emerge from his parted lips. He was aroused, in a state of euphoria even with your small, light touches. Your hand moved lower until it reached down to the tent he had in his suit. It was painfully tight for him. Your fingertips lightly brushed over the bulge and he cussed under his breath.
“Fuck.” He whispered while you continued to touch his clothed erection and lick up his neck. He kept purring and moaning at the same time. You loved seeing him worked up like this. Your lips latched on to a certain spot on his neck and you sucked on it harshly, nibbling at it when you got the chance and putting more pressure with your hand against him.
He was a mess, grinding against your hand and breathing heavily.
“Ma Belle – merde,” he couldn’t even speak without stuttering. “I want more, please.” He begs and you look up at him, noticing the red mark on his neck and feeling very pleased with yourself.
“More what, kitty?” You whisper and remove your hand from where it was.
He groans in frustration.
“More – I-I want you to touch me more.” He pleads. “Please.”
You smirk at him and pull him to your bed, pushing him back on the bed and getting on his lap. Before he could react you put your lips on his and start to grind on top of him.
He moans against your lips and throws his head back, holding onto your hips for support. You could tell that he wanted to take his clothes off but you wanted him to come right then and there.
Your hips move against his, the friction pleasing you the same, causing you to moan but grin at the worked up blond beneath you.
“Shit, shit I’m close.” He whimpers and closes his eyes, moving his own hips with yours to get more pleasure.
It felt so good but you knew you couldn’t finish with him, maybe you could continue after but your hopes disappeared when you heard the beeping coming from his ring.
“Mon Ange I-“
“Shut up and come for me kitty.” You groan out and quicken your movements causing him to part his lips and hold onto you.
His body shakes and he spews out cuss words in French while he comes undone, thrusting his hips up and whimpering.
You’re both breathing heavily, looking at each other both dazed and tired. You were about to lean in for another kiss but his ring starts beeping furiously.
You hop off of his lap and watch as he groans while he gets up, uncomfortably moving because of the mess he made between his legs.
“I’m sorry I cant finish you off.” He says, pouting at you.
“It’s okay Chat, I think you’ve done enough today.” You wink at him and he chuckles bashfully.
“Until next time Mon ange!” He says and opens the window.
“Bye Kitty.” You blow him a kiss and with that he’s off.
Maybe you could actually finish yourself off to the thought of him being a mess for you but before you could even do anything, your phone beeps and you see a notification from Adrien Agreste.
 “Did you hear that they moved the deadline for the Shakespeare essay? Pissed me off tbh.”
It was like he knew you accused him of something and to top it all off this was the first time he’s ever really texted you. It was weird but maybe you shouldn’t think much of it. Right?
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rebeccccccaaa · 3 years
Text
ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ ʀɪɢʜᴛ _____________________
ʙʀᴏᴛʜᴇʀ’s!ʙᴇsᴛ!ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ!ʙᴜᴄᴋʏ ʙᴀʀɴᴇs ᴀᴜ
sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: You and Buck have always been close growing up but you two soon learn that the line that separates friendly and flirting is a lot thinner than you think.
ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: fluff, slight angst bc u got a shit bf, big bro vibes from bucky, smut duh [18+ minors dni (slight praise but also slight degradation, marking, belly bulge, squirting, fem!rec oral, unprotected sex, plz be safe irl, slight choking, pet names: darling&princess, i think that’s it lmk plz)]
ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ’s ɴᴏᴛᴇs: hey assholes i'm back for the time being lol. I have a few ideas and fics I'm currently writing right now so do not fret.
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You knew this was a horrible idea. 
It’s Saturday night and you and your boyfriend were back in another night club after being kicked out from one just hours before. Daniel had gotten too drunk, as he always does, causing you to kindly ask the bartender to cut him off. Daniel didn’t take that too lightly resulting in a gnarly swing at the poor guy just doing his job. 
Security threw you out and Daniel called an Uber to go where you thought was going to be your apartment but twenty minutes later you pulled up to another club practically on the other side of town. You yelled at Daniel but he pushed aside stumbling inside for yet even more drinks and mistakes waiting for him inside. 
You sat at the bar simply drinking some water and snacking on some peanuts keeping your eye on your garbage boyfriend. You're constantly checking the time on your phone, annoyed with every passing minute. It was 2 am and you just wanted to go home and sleep. You were even debating texting your brother Steve hoping you could just crash at his place not too far from where you were but it would be incredibly irresponsible to just leave Daniel in the state he’s in. 
So you waited and waited and waited. Your eyelids felt heavy and your energy was just completely drained. You were basically a zombie. It wasn’t until a guy approached your half asleep body that you felt a sense of alert. Daniel was shit-faced so you were practically defenseless. 
“Hey,” the guy shouted over the music.
“Sorry, I’m not interested. My boyfriend’s-” you quickly said, only to be cut off.
“Don’t worry. I’m not gonna hit on you. I’ve got a boyfriend of my own,” he chuckled, making you breathe out in relief. 
“Sorry,” you cringed at yourself. 
“It’s alright; but uh, I hate to be the one to tell you this. You might want to check with your boyfriend,” he said sympathetically. 
You pushed your way through the crowd scanning every face in search of Daniel. What did he do? Is he hurt? Did he get in trouble again? Is he getting arrested? Where is he-
“Daniel?” you said eyes tearing up a bit. 
His arms were wrapped around another girl’s waist as he kissed her the way he kissed you. She practically moaned as their tongues slobbered disgustingly with each other. Their hips grinding against each other proactively as if you weren’t even there. Sadness turned to anger, and anger turned to rage, gripping Daniel’s short hairs and pulling his head away from whoever this girl was. 
“What the fuck?” the girl complained, her eyes completely bloodshot. 
“Did he tell you that he was here with his girlfriend tonight?” you're sad with gritted teeth. Daniel stumbled around still unable to register what the hell was happening. 
“Oh my god, you forreal?” she said.
“Who fucking cares? She’s a prude anyway. I got more action with you than I did her in the past, what, six months?” Daniel slurred. 
“You know what, you’re a fucking prick, dude. She deserves so much better than you; I bet your dick is small anyway,” the girl said.
“Fuck you too bitch,” Daniel spit. 
“I can’t believe you,” you said. 
“Oh, whoop-dee-doo, big fucking surprise. Babe, you’re a prude. Can’t you see it? I don’t know why I’m wasting my time with you anymore,” he practically puked out the words without any second thought. 
“Fine, then I hope you enjoy the rest of your night, you fucking asshole,” you stormed away holding in the tears; he wasn’t worth it. 
Almost three am and you just dumped your cheating lowlife boyfriend on the other side of town. Steve wasn’t answering his phone and you even wanna be near the club anymore. Walking speedily staring at your screen desperate to call an Uber home, you bumped harshly into a hard chest falling to the ground on your bum. 
“Fucking hell, I’m so sorry, darling,” the man said helping you up by your elbows.
“It’s ok. I wasn’t looking- Bucky?” 
“Oh, hey kid. What are you doing? It’s like three in the morning and you don’t live anywhere near here,” Bucky said, crossing his arms. 
“Daniel got himself kicked from the one by our apartment and Ubered here instead.”
“So where’s Daniel?” Bucky scowled; he’s always hated that guy, so did Steve.
“Probably fucking some other chick in the bathroom,” your voice cracked. 
“What?”
“It’s nothing; I just want to go home,” you cried.
“Hey, it’s ok; it’s ok. Do you wanna crash at me and Steve’s? He’s gone for the weekend with Peggy; you can stay in his room at least for the night,” Bucky offered; so that’s why Steve’s not answering his phone. 
“I don’t wanna intrude on your night. I can just call an Uber, it’s fine.”
“No, it’s not. Steve’ll kill me if he found out I left his baby sis alone in the streets of New York at three in the morning. It’s not a problem, we were just bar hopping and I stopped drinking ages ago.”
“Are you sure, Buck?”
“Of course,” he smiled warmly at you. 
“Hey, Nat!”
“What’s up?” a beautiful redhead approached you both.
“Gonna head home ; don’t do anything stupid,” he chuckled. 
“You too,” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, “Catch you Monday?” 
“You’re stupid. I’ll see ya,” Bucky laughed before grabbing your hand and headed towards his apartment. 
“Thanks again, Buck. For letting me stay here tonight,” you said once you entered his apartment. 
It had been a while since you hung out at your brother’s apartment but nothing’s changed. Typical men and their inability to change even a throw pillow. You set your small bag on the couch before Bucky led you to Steve’s room. There were pictures of you and him posing at Steve’s graduation; and later your own. Pictures of Steve and Bucky at a theme park, during a bar-be-que for Steve’s birthday. So many memories that Steve held onto in his room. 
“Time really flies doesn’t it?” Bucky said, slightly startling you.
“Sorry,” he chuckled.
“No, you’re fine. But you’re right. Feels all these pictures were taken yesterday,” you reminisced. 
“I got you some clothes if you need to change; I’ll give you privacy,” Bucky said, slipping from the room briskly. 
You sat on the bed frustrated with everything. Your body was so drained from being up so early in the night, to the fight with Daniel. The past couple months with him were so awful. He was just so mean to you all the time and you didn’t know what you did wrong. Where did it go wrong? When did things shift?
"Is everything ok, darling?" Bucky asked quietly, knocking on the door when you hadn't come out after a while.
"What did I do wrong? I thought he loved me," you choked out. 
Bucky sighed as he walked over to the bed sitting beside you before engulfing you in a warm hug. You cried into his shoulder and Bucky couldn't help the anger that bubbled inside him for your excuse of a boyfriend Daniel. He never got along with the guy and now he finally has a reason to knock his teeth in.
"You didn't do anything, I know it. That prick wouldn't know love if it hit him in the face. It's his loss. You deserve so much better than that asshole. Look at me, you're so beautiful and funny and fucking adorable; any guy who can't see how perfect you are, is a dense piece of shit." 
"James," you whispered. 
His words made your heart skip and your stomach flutter. But Bucky’s always had that effect on you. Even growing up. You weren’t going to sit there and pretend that hearing his words hadn't had a deeper effect than they would’ve coming from Daniel. Sometimes you wondered what being with Bucky would be like. You’re not the first to admit how handsome Bucky was and growing up you did have quite the crush on your brother’s best friend.  
You don't know what it was, whether it was the alcohol still swimming through your veins, or just feeling so vulnerable being in Bucky's arms but you wanted him badly. You needed him, needed to feel something again. And you knew he could give it to you. You pressed your lips to his and in an instant his hands dropped to your hips pulling you impossibly close against his body. Your hands went to the back of his head as you kissed him messily. Your noses bumped and teeth clashed but it was the best kiss you’ve ever had. 
“Fuck, your brother’s gonna kill me,” Bucky mumbled, almost to himself, as he slowly laid you down on your back.
Bucky’s hands trailed up your thighs, squeezing the soft flesh every now and then as he continued kissing you passionately. Your own hands couldn’t help but tug at his shirt desperately. When he did so, your breath was completely taken away. It had been years since you’d seen Bucky without a shirt. 
Not only had he been quite skinny just like your brother back then, but not long after leaving for college with Steve he was in a bike accident that left him with ghastly scars and burns along his left arm and shoulder. Since then, it’s fair to say Bucky never really ever took his shirt off. It had taken years just for him to remove the glove he’d always wear to cover the scars on his hand.
“You’ve gotten so strong, James,” you grinned, reaching out to brush the flexed muscles running down his front. 
He simply stared at you with an anticipating and anxious expression on his face, waiting for you to state the obvious. When you didn’t, when you pulled his head down to kiss him once again, he almost cried. Bucky hadn’t been with a woman in so long, afraid of this very moment. He knew at that moment, there was no one quite like you. 
Bucky fell in love. 
“Let me take care of you, darling. You’ve been so good to me,” Bucky whispered huskily in your ear as he trailed his hand under your own shirt brushing his fingertips along the underside of your breast.
His lips pressed softly against your hot skin along your neck before standing up between your legs at the end of the bed. He pulled your shirt off then played cheekily with the straps of your bra that you still had on. You smiled back at him with the same playful stare, reaching behind you to unclasp the material. 
You could see the way Bucky’s eyes darken and his pupils widened as he stared in awe at your naked chest. Your skin bursted into chills under his hungry gaze even though you felt like you were burning up. Bucky leaned forward kissing down the valley of your breasts, nipping once in a while playfully before laying you back down. He shimmied you out of your bottoms easily, kneeling on the ground leaving you completely bare before him. 
“You are absolutely stunning, princess,” Bucky whispered, running his hands up your thighs slowly. 
“Bucky, please. I need you,” you whimpered. 
“Don’t worry, darling. I promise I’m gonna take good care of you,” he smirked devilishly. 
He pushed your knees open, eyeing the arousal that glistened between your thighs. He brought his fingers up to you slowly rubbing your slick around before finally pushing a thick and long finger past your folds. Your body shuddered solely at the foreign but pleasurable feeling, already moaning softly. 
Bucky’s cock strained through pants upon hearing your beautiful moans; they were like music to his ears. He couldn’t help the way his hips would buck into the mattress in a desperate attempt to relieve some pain from his erection. Soon after he pulled his fingers from you slowly only to thrust them further in you, curling his fingers just right. 
He brought his mouth down to you, wrapping his lips around your clit sucking harshly. You gasped and your back arched, overwhelmed with pleasure Bucky was giving you with just his mouth and fingers. All the times that you’d given yourself to your ex, he had never made you feel this good before, feel this full; let alone with his fingers. Bucky was taking his time with you solely for your own pleasure and it made your heart swoon. 
Your legs trapped Bucky’s head between your thighs, squeezing as he continued to eat you out like a starved man. Your hands went to his hair pulling on his dark locks causing Bucky to moan deeply against you. You were so close to a release; your legs shaking violently and your stomach tightening. 
“Come on, princess. Want you to come all over my face. Can you do that for me, darling?”
“Fuck!”
“Be a good girl and make a mess,” Bucky teased.
His fingers moved faster as he swirled his tongue around and over your clit just as quickly. You were becoming overwhelmed and that coil bursted in the pit of your stomach. You pushed Bucky’s face from you, shrieking with pure pleasure; Bucky’s kept the rapid pace with fingers as you fell over the edge.
“Fucking hell, that was so hot, princess,” Bucky said standing up; his fingers, arm, his chest was covered in your arousal. 
“Did I do that?” your voice trembled. 
“Because of me,” Bucky winked playfully.
“I didn’t know I could do that,” you let your head fall back on the bed as you briefly caught your breath.
Bucky grabbed his shirt that he discarded not long ago and quickly wiped his chest and arm before discarding his pants and boxers. He nearly moaned at the feeling when he finally freed his dick from the restraining garments. His hand instantly wrapped around the base before pumping himself a few times. 
You brought yourself onto your elbows momentarily ogling at the sight of Bucky completely bare before you. Your mouth practically watered at the sight. Bucky crawled over you kissing you deeply and messily; but perfectly. He pulled away and you both had goofy smiles on your faces before bursting into a fit of giggles, Bucky’s head burying into the crook of your neck.
“You’re so goddamn adorable, princess,” Bucky’s voice was muffled. 
“Bucky,” you whined. 
You couldn’t resist squirming underneath the burly man. Although, you’ve just had what was probably the best orgasm you’ve ever had, you wanted more. You needed more; you needed Bucky. 
“I got you, darling. I got you.” 
Bucky wanted to tease you more, make you beg, but he was just as desperate to feel you as you were. He propped himself up on his elbows kissing you one last time before reaching between your bodies and lining his dick with your entrance. Both you and Bucky moaned simultaneously as he stretched you out; curses spilling from his lips as incoherent moans fell from yours. 
“So fucking tight, princess. Squeezing my cock just right, aren’t ya?” he whispered.
“Fuck, I feel so full,” you whimpered.
Bucky began to slowly move his hips in and out of you deliciously. He quickly picked up the pace, jetting his hips rapidly making your moans louder. Bucky sat up on his knees and gripped your waist surely to leave bruises in your wake. This new angle surprised you and you couldn’t help the squeals and moans that left your mouth. You chanted Bucky's name like a prayer; as if it was the only word you knew. 
Bucky watched you carefully, your face contorting with pure euphoric pleasure. He couldn’t help notice the small bump in your lower belly and without a second thought, he grabbed your hands pressing them firmly over your tummy. 
“You feel how deep I am, darling? Fucking poking through,” Bucky grunted. 
“Shit! Oh, it feels so good,” you moaned. 
“That’s right, no one’s ever gonna fuck you this good again. This pussy’s mine now,” Bucky growled. 
He took one of his hands and wrapped it around your throat squeezing the sides gently but firm at the same time. Your eyes rolled back and you moaned even louder, confident that the neighbors were sure to complain in the morning. Feeling Bucky’s hand around your neck was so exhilarating; you and Daniel had never ever experimented with anything beyond a pair of handcuffs, and that particular night went horribly. 
You like being choked by Bucky. 
“Fucking slut; you like this, don’t ya?” he came down to whisper huskily against your lips. 
“Mh-hm,” you moaned with a devilish grin, your bottom lip resting between your teeth before your eyes rolled back again. 
“Such a fucking beauty you are.”
Bucky hips snapped in and out and he knew it wouldn’t be long until he needed to release.
“God, I’m close, princess,” he growled. 
His hand moved to rest on the back of your neck to pull you up so you straddled his thighs and your chest was flushed against his. Your sensitive and hardened nipples brushed against his slightly sweaty skin causing you to shudder in pleasure. Bucky’s lips attached themselves to your skin along your collar bones sucking harshly leaving purple marks all along.
Your legs shook once again as they did before and soon enough with an arched back and shout of Bucky’s name you came all over his cock. Overwhelmed with your sex, Bucky bit harshly on your shoulder in a poor attempt to muffled the loud groans and moans he elicited. Feeling your velvety walls squeeze tightly around him pushed him over the edge, coating your walls with hot ribbons on cum. 
He fell forward almost crushing you but you were too tired to complain. Bucky continued to pepper soft kisses all over your skin whispering how good you were to him, how beautiful you looked. Just absolutely showering with compliments. You felt him slowly getting off you, probably afraid he was crushing you, but you didn’t want him to leave just yet. 
“Don’t,” you whispered, wrapping your arms tightly around his body. 
“I don’t want to crush you, darling.”
“You’re not.”
Bucky chuckled before settling completely above you, careful not to make you uncomfortable. Hardly any time went by when he felt the even and soft puffs of air hitting his skin, sure that you had fallen asleep. He picked himself up and with major guilt for his best friend, picked you up from the bed and walked you to his own room. 
After he was sure you stayed sound asleep, Bucky grabbed a clean pair of boxers and hurried himself to Steve’s room again. He collected all the discarded clothes and the dirty sheets and tossed them in the washing machine to clean right away. 
He hadn’t meant to fuck his best friend’s little sister, let alone in his own room, on his own bed, but it all happened so fast. 
He went back to his room letting the clothes do it’s thing, and quickly grabbed his phone. He messaged Steve, telling him that when he got back for his weekend with Peggy, he really needed to talk to him. 
Tonight made Bucky realize how much he loved you. Growing up, you two had always been close. But he doesn’t know when he stopped being friendly and instead began flirting. Bucky wanted to be with you; he knew it now more than ever. 
Bucky watched your gorgeous sleeping form on his bed. He smiled to himself before opening the window; the sun already rising and those beautiful golden rays seeped through the glass window, making you look angelic. He crawled into bed cuddling flushed against your naked body. He chuckled softly when you realized he’d returned, wiggling even further into his arms. 
“I love you, Bucky,” you mumbled. 
“I love you, too, darling.”
And he really, and truly did love you. As did you love him. 
=======================
ᴛᴀɢʟɪsᴛ: (For all my work)
@mathletemadison
@buckybarnes101-blog
@l-sofiamia-l  
@pluto-grrl-blog
@partr1dge
@stefans-wife
@cordeliaswhore
@fleurlovesbucky
@povsmarvel0720  
@missroro
Bucky Barnes Taglist:
@stolenxkissess
@bucknastayyy38
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comparisons ~ machine gun kelly
word count: 2195
request?: yes!
“Can I get a Colson Baker one where you’re dating after him and Megan where you get a bunch of hate and they both defend you against the hate please”
description: when her boyfriend’s ex is one of the most beautiful actresses of this generation, she finds herself being constantly compared to her and receiving hateful messages
pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader
warnings: swearing, hate messages, insecurities
masterlist (one, two)
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There was some sort of assumption that when you start dating someone, you immediately hate their ex. That could not be further from the truth for me and Colson. In fact, Colson’s ex-girlfriend introduced us shortly after their break up, and had constantly pushed for the two of us to get together.
Megan was basically the backbone in our friendship. She pushed me to pursue my dreams in acting (as well as helped you with that since she was so much more famous than you were when you started), then she pushed me to start auditioning for bigger roles. The moment she introduced me to Colson, I knew exactly what was coming next.
“That’s weird, Meg,” I had told her. “Isn’t there, like, a girl code about dating your best friend’s ex?”
“I’m literally shoving you onto him,” she had responded. “I think you’re fine with the girl code.”
A few months after meeting, I finally caved and asked Colson out on a date. Six months later, I was still thanking Megan for giving me that push.
Shortly after making our relationship public, however, the happiness slowly came to a stop. For me, anyways. Colson, bless his heart, was blissfully ignorant to the comments his fanbase started to send me.
“yikes, he really downgraded huh?”
“how do you go from megan fox to...that?”
“guess mgk couldn’t keep up his streak of hot girlfriends”
Hate comes with fame, I knew that. I had my fair share of hate comments ever since the start. It was easy to ignore them when they were just a handful of hate comments here and there, but this was different. This was a bombardment of hate that was so heavy I could barley go online.
Colson was oblivious for a while, until he found out I had deleted all my social media accounts.
“Did you delete your Instagram babe?” he asked the minute he got home the day I had done it.
“Yeah,” I responded, nonchalantly. “I deleted all my social media.”
“Why?”
I shrugged. “I just thought it’d be better for me mentally. They say being so attached to social media is bad for you or whatever.”
“But you weren’t even addicted to social media. You just liked sharing your memories - our memories.”
I shrugged again and turned back to my cooking. I wasn’t about to tell him his fans drove me off the internet. He loved his fans, I couldn’t fuck that up for him, even if what they were saying hurt me so much.
My back was to him as I cooked, so he couldn’t see my reaction when he asked, “Is it because people were comparing you to Megan?”
I froze completely. I could feel his eyes staring into the back of my head, but I just couldn’t convince myself to turn around to face him. I knew that if I did, I’d crack. I had gone too long pretending everything was okay, keeping this secret from Colson, to finally let it slip now. I just had to throw him off of his thought process.
“Where did you get that idea?” I asked, trying to keep my voice light.
He was next to me suddenly, holding his phone up so I could see it. On the screen was a picture of me at a red carpet just below a headline that read “(Y/F/N) deletes social media accounts amid hateful comments from boyfriend Machine Gun Kelly’s fans”.
I sighed in frustration. Of course the tabloid vultures had already written articles about it. I had only done it a few hours earlier, but they always had to be the first ones to write another story about me.
“I didn’t even know I was getting hate,” I said, trying to keep up the lie even though it was pretty obvious I had been found out. “I just decided to delete my accounts, it must be a coincidence.”
“Really? Because this article says you were receiving so much hate that you couldn’t even go into the comments on your pictures or replies on your tweets without seeing a mass amount of hate from my fans.”
I turned off the stove and turned around suddenly, abandoning my cooking completely as I quickly walked out of the kitchen and towards mine and Colson’s room. I felt a lump forming in my throat, and the last thing I wanted was for Colson to see me cry.
I wasn’t shocked to hear his footsteps coming after me. I forgot how much longer his legs were than mine, so it didn’t take long for him to catch up with me and stop me before I could get too far away. He took hold of my arm and turned me around to look at him. The moment my eyes landed on his face, it felt like someone had finally broke the dam holding back my tears.
Colson pulled me in for a hug and held me tightly as I sobbed into his chest. Every ounce of overwhelming feelings I had been bottling up for months was finally starting to come out, and I realized it was long overdue when I eventually began to grow tired from my crying.
I felt Colson pick me up and bring me to his bed. My eyes were starting to grow heavy despite how much I was fighting against them to stay awake. The minute my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light.
I wasn’t sure how long I was asleep, but it was obvious I had needed that rest, because when I woke up again I felt more well rested than I had in a long time.
I opened my eyes to find myself facing the window, which helped me to pinpoint that it was now nighttime as the sky was pitch black. I rolled over, expecting to find Colson asleep next to me only to find that I was alone in his bed. I was confused at first, forgetting the events that happened mere hours earlier.
I could hear a distant voice talking and was able to identify it as Colson’s. I got up from his bed and made my way towards the stairs, hearing it get louder as I stood at the top.
“I wish she would’ve told me,” he was saying. “I don’t know why she would’ve kept this a secret from me.”
“She didn’t want you upset with your fans,” came another voice. This one was distorted like it was coming from a phone. When she spoke again, I realized it was Megan’s voice. “And she’s stubborn. She was probably determined to deal with this by herself.”
“I just hate that she felt that way,” Colson sighed. “I don’t want her believing anything any of those people said to her, but I saw screenshots and fuck...they really did just bombard her with hate.”
“I know, but none of us could’ve predicted this. Your fans were so cool with us dating, I thought they’d love (Y/N) since we’re so similar.”
I sat down on the top of the stairs and peeked down enough that I could see Colson without him seeing me. He was laid out on the couch in just his sweat pants. In his hand he was holding his phone up, the other was slung over the back of his couch. I could see the guilt on his face, which broke my heart to see. I didn’t want Colson feeling guilty for something that was out of his control.
“You think what I posted will do anything?” he asked Megan.
“I don’t know. It’s hard to tell. When people want to hate, they just want to hate.”
Hearing that Colson had posted something made me curious. I felt around my pants for my phone, but realized I had probably left it in the room or downstairs somewhere. I was in too deep now to give myself away, but I really wanted to know what he had posted about the situation.
“Thanks for talking to me about this, Megan,” he said.
“Of course, Colson. Anytime.”
They said their goodbyes and hung up. Colson tossed his phone onto the coffee table and put his arm under his head. “Are you gonna come down babe?”
I wanted to ask how he knew I was there, but instead I stood from my spot and made my way down the stairs. When I entered the living room, Colson just looked up at me for a moment, almost expectantly. I smiled down at him and laid on top of him with my head on his chest. The arm that was over the back of the couch wrapped around me and he gently kissed the top of my head.
“How much did you hear?” he asked.
“Just the last bit,” I admitted. “Something about a post you made.”
Colson hummed, his chest vibrating underneath my ear as he did. “I wanted to address the issue, and I knew you wouldn’t let me do it if you were awake.”
“I still don’t like that you did it now,” I said, half joking. “Can I see the post?”
He moved his head to look down at me. “How do I know you’re not going to delete the post?”
“You don’t,” I responded. “You’ll just have to trust me.”
He smiled and reached over to grab his phone from the coffee table. He opened it and pulled up a post he had made on Instagram: it was your usual white background with text post you saw celebrities make from time to time.
It read:
“I love my fans so much. You guys are my EST family, and I’m so proud of this family that we have built over the last few years. However, it came to my attention today that some of you have been less than nice to my girlfriend to a point where she felt the need to delete her social media accounts. I will admit, I was oblivious to this at first as I am not one to go onto other people’s social media to read comments and replies, and (Y/N) kept this to herself instead of telling me about it. But now that I do know, I have to say I am beyond pissed. (Y/N) is the most beautiful girl I have ever met, inside and out. She is not Megan, and honestly - with all respect to Megan - I’m glad that she’s not. I love Megan as a friend, but truly that’s all she is to me. (Y/N) is my soulmate, the love of my life. These comparisons and jabs at her because she isn’t my ex are absolutely disgusting, especially coming from people who claim they love me as much as you guys do. Please learn how to treat the people in my life with love and respect, or else take my face out of your profile pictures and my name out of your usernames/bios as you are not a true fan of mine. From the bottom of my heart, fuck you to anyone that made my girlfriend feel like shit.”
I scrolled down to see the comments and saw that the top one was from Megan, and was already liked by Colson.
“(Y/N) is not my competition, nor is she my enemy. She is my friend and she has been since before Colson and I were ever together. The fact that people feel the need to pit two women against one another just because they both dated the same person is absolutely appalling to me. I’d like to emphasis Colson’s statement - fuck you to whoever hurt my friend.”
I handed Colson his phone back, not wanting to read any more. I could feel a lump in my throat again, but this one was from happiness. I felt so lucky to have two amazing people in my corner during a time that was otherwise very trying for me.
“I’m sorry I never told you,” I said as I rested against his chest again.
“You shouldn’t be sorry, (Y/N). I’m sorry this happened to you.”
“You don’t have any reason to be sorry either. You can’t control your fans.”
“Then neither of us will be sorry.”
I chuckled at this. For a moment we were both silent, the only sound being Colson’s heart beating under my ear. It was a soothing sound, and combined with his fingers tracing over my back, I was almost lulled back to sleep.
“I love you,” he mumbled against my hair.
I lifted my head to look at him. “What?”
“I said I love you.”
I was speechless. It was the first time he had seriously said those words and he had managed to shock me into silence with them.
He looked at me, his face slowly becoming concerned with my silence.
“I love you, too,” I finally managed.
A smile broke out across Colson’s face as he wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly to him. For the rest of the night, he would whisper those three words to me randomly, and I would whisper back my response every time.
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Relationship Headcanons
↦ Character(s): Hakkai Shiba x fem!reader
↦ Rating/Warning: No rating though there are some light mentions of abuse (if you have read the manga you are aware of what I am talking about, I’m not going very deep into it though it literally just mentions it), mentions of anxiety attacks (no detail though), fluff, not proof read
↦ Word count: 1.8k (longer than planned, sections are bolded)
↦ Your Momo’s Receipt: Hello~ I’m post yet another TR headcanon and this was requested by the lovely @strawbub I hope this doesn’t disappoint, it did get longer than planned but I enjoyed writing it. I'll prob do a part two that's more of a scenario based on your first date or something since I didn't go into it here. Please note: for those of you who don’t know my blog is currently under construction, meaning I will not be updating my masterlist for the time being.
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So how did you guys meet, well mostly because of Yuzuha,
One day in like elementary you’re walking home and you see this super pretty middle school girl just like yelling at this small group of guys
The guys end up running off just because they don’t wanna deal with her or the attention she's drawn to them
Behind her was a boy, taller than her but obviously younger. You didn’t assume they knew eachother though.
The boy and yuzuha began walking in opposite directions because one was going home while the other was going to pick up something like groceries
You’re so entranced by how she stood up to them yet she’s a girl who was far smaller and you end up catching up to her, almost stepping on her heels
You end up absent mindedly following her into the grocery store and eventually she just freezes, turns, and stare directly at you
Your eyes widen since you must’ve been staring and she just goes “may I ask why you’re following me?” And you explain how cool she was earlier. She invites you over for dinner (esp since her older brother won’t be home) and figured it’d be good for Hakkai to meet someone his age
You end up going over but Hakkai didn’t come down to eat so you never actually got to meet him, though from then on you would see Yuzuha every so often, visit every other weekend or so
But no matter how often you came over the next few months, you never once met hakkai,
That was until you both reached the end of your middle school education and we’re about to begin high school
You had gone over because you were going to borrow an old work book from Yuzuha, and when you go to knock on the door the door opens before your closed fist could hit it, instead hitting a firm chest
You blush and quickly apologize but the person in front of you doesn’t move at all, doesn’t say anything and almost looks like they drifted into space with their dead stare
You assume this is yuzuha’s older brother because you’ve also never met him and you immediately turn to walk away but Yuzuha calls over hakkai’s shoulder
“Y/N-Chan! You just got here where are you going?” This was def not yuzuha’s older brother. There’s no way she’d be that happy with him around; oh my god. Realization hit, the guy who you hit (though it was more of a tap) was hakkai.
The hakkai you had only caught a glimpse of in yuzuha’s photos, never talked to or actually seen in person despite going to the same school and living in the same neighborhood
He must hate you. That’s why he avoids you. That’s def why - is what you think
Yuzuha drags hakkai back inside and invites you in; you sit down with them in the living room and watch hakkai visibly relax now that he’s inside his house, his own space, with a pillow behind him and a blanket covering his lower half, he almost curls up into it as he continues to avoid your stare
“Hi hakkai…Kun? Im L/N Y/N” you say and you see his face dead pan once again
Yuzuha can be heard laughing from the kitchen as she comes back in.
She leans over and begins explaining that hakkai literally just freezes with any interaction between him and girls who aren’t in his family
You nod, thinking maybe it’s an anxiety thing? Which is the case with you, but only because he’s been watching you since you’ve come over (not in a creepy way) wanting to and working the courage up to talk to you
The 5th or so time you came over after that encounter he was inches away from introducing himself before the house phone rang causing everyone to kind of “wake up” in a sense
Every time since then he gets closer and closer but isn’t able to say anything; he even realizes he has a crush on you.
The way you sit when you do homework and how cute you look when you’re focused.
How your forehead scrunches up when you’re trying to figure something out and you end up just sitting back with a small huff followed by yuzuha’s signature laughter.
It’s also a huge thing that you get along with Yuzuha.
So enough with first meeting time for the confession.
He ends up confessing accidentally. He didn’t know you were coming over to begin with so he was flustered out of his mind. And how was he supposed to know you hadn’t actually fallen asleep and you could hear him over the tv
The tv was more white noise than anything and the day was hot since it was the middle of summer causing the window to be open and the sound of soft wind and small birds to drift in; this was the hot that makes you tired so you were all sprawled out of just sitting in a daze
So while resting your head on the table you’re dozing in and out but then you hear hakkai begin to speak, something he never really did around you
Now did you and hakkai text? Yes. Did it take him an hour to reply because his brain would explode when you replied to him? Yes. But was it a start to communication? Also a yes.
You hear him say your name quietly before he moved closer, you can feel his gaze on your features
“I like you” is all he says. Simple and sweet. But you sit there in shock, trying not to blush so he’ll have no idea you heard him but he can tell because your forehead scrunches
You heard him and are focused on if you should reply or not. And he knows that.
You open your eyes and just look up at him, he’s closer than expected. His hand close to yours on the floor and he reaches over and grabs it lightly. Hoping you’ll also return the gesture by holding his hand instead of leaving your hand limp inside his.
And you do, thank goodness, and Hakkai almost mentally can’t handle it.
Once you start dating it’s more so just hanging out at his house or yours; however he talks a bit more and you text a lot more. He’s gotten better at replying. It usually takes him like 15 minutes now
He’s kinda stressed about your relationship but not due to anything you or him did
He’s stressed because of the mentality his older brother gave him
Is he even allowed to be this happy?
He finally has someone thats small enough and naive enough that he can protect you; compared to constantly being protected it’s a sudden, strong, yet good change for him
He’s touch s t a r v e d
Yes Yuzuha shows affection; but he stopped accepting her hugs when he was around 8 just because he physically wasn’t able to handle it due to his bruises and such
But with you, even with his bruises and all you take care of him. Able to coax him into using medicines and toning down the physical violence (that he can control himself)
He also finds it super soothing when you lightly brush over his scars (especially those that his brother gave him), it helps him believe that scars are only physical and can fade with help
One thing that stresses him out the most is trying to hide you from his brother. Any time you leave something at the house its easy to pass it off as yuzuha's but when it comes to things like photos he has with you, he can't hang them up, show them off, or have them as his phone Lock Screen, etc. because he just really doesn't want his brother to know and target you since he'll then know that you're his weakness (aside from yuzuha as well)
Sometimes won't explain why he can't hang out and has legit pushed you out of his house before at the last minute notice of his brother coming home
Will always make sure you get home safe though, usually by having Yuzuha go with you since then she can just say you're a friend from school
Your parents love him, though they were a bit hesitant it became a "you always have a place to stay" because they learned about their family situation from you and yuzuha. So expect him to spend the night when he's too scared to deal with his brother. Same with yuzuha. (yes I know this isn't yuzuha head canons but its hard to write for him without mentioning her when they're so close)
We're talking three person sleep overs. Yuzuha and you of course share the bed and Hakkai takes some time to even set foot in your room much less sleep on a mattress that's on the floor
He has a small heart attack every time he comes into your room because he's overwhelmed with everything, he's never been so comfortable and it makes him feel restless. Like he's never and I mean n e v e r been less stressed and slept better than when he does so in your room
The smell, the colors, just being surrounded by you is something that completely changes his mood
Once showed up after he fought with his brother, tears in his eyes and clothes a bit tattered and you just pulled him to your room, and sat down with him.
You laid on your bed with him laying down onto of you, head on your chest as you rubbed his head and only said a few words "its not your fault"
He ends up crying so hard he falls asleep and gets dehydrated and you have to make him drink a bunch of water when he finally wakes up.
NSFW
super fucking careful w you
almost annoyingly so, but you're understanding
He knows that he might be taking things frustratingly slow but he knows that since you understand and know his history that you can help him get through it
Your first time you think you'll have to call it off because he's shaking so bad
"baby... are you sure it won't hurt you?" he keeps asking.
pretty sure that's the longest its ever taken him to finish because he was so anxious
despite being so slow and hesitant, late he isn't too scared to get a bit rougher
but im not talking anything crazy im talking like he's willing to pull your hair a bit or nip a bit harder at your neck.
Please never ask him to do anything like degrade you or some type of harsh physical rough shit, he can't
like literally im 99% sure that if you ask him to choke you or something he will pass out because of the anxiety attack he would have at even the thought.
in short with nsfw though he is sweet boy. He's a switch through and through. Loves when you take care of everything because then he doesn't have to be scared of hurting you.
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pale-silver-comb · 4 years
Note
So I know absolutely nothing about Leverage except what I've been seeing you post lately and I have to admit you're making it look tempting to watch! Can I ask what are some of your favorite things about the show/reasons you would suggest people watch it? And is there really a poly relationship that is canon?
Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I am going to do my best not to just “asdfghkjl” at you and answer coherently.
In a nutshell, Leverage is about 5 people. 4 are criminals (Parker, Hardison, Eliot and Sophie) with different and unique skill-sets and 1 is an ex-insurance investigator (Nate) who, at one point or another in his career, has tracked down (or at least attempted to) the other 4. The whole show is essentially: man reluctantly reforms 4 criminals to use their criminal powers for good and 4 criminals move into man’s life and stubbornly refuse to leave because, goddammit, now they have morals. 
I’ve got a lot of favourite things about the show but the main ones are as follows:
1. Found family. And I’m not talking about loners who come together to fight crime and happen to co-exist to the point where they realise they happen to have found themselves a family. I mean, Nate and Sophie are the Drunk Uncle and Wine Aunt who somehow become Mom and Dad to 3 beautiful criminal children. Mom and Dad love their criminal babies and the kids love them (as well as each other, but we’ll come to that in a moment). You get amazing family moments such as: Mom and Dad packing the kids lunch before sending them out to kick corporate greed’s ass; Mom and Dad giving the kids ridiculously expensive and personal Christmas presents causing their most Grumpy Kid to go very very quiet and soft as he runs off to gleefully play with his new murder toy; the kids interrupting Mom and Dad’s big Movie Style Kiss to ask if they can please keep their new underground layer and huffing and puffing when Dad tells them no.
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2. Found family: the OT3 edition. To answer your question, the OT3 is indeed canon, confirmed by the creator. Now, usually, “confirmed by the creator” infuriates me because most of the time it’s a way for a creator to be seen as “progressive” without doing anything to actually be progressive. That isn’t the case here. The OT3 are built up carefully and while it is obvious the creators didn’t originally intend for all 3 of them to become a relationship in the romantic sense, by mid-season 5 we are given a very clear picture of where Parker, Hardison and Eliot are heading in their relationship. There aren’t any kisses at the end to signal this but there are solid marriage vows in not only one but two episodes. (And by marriage vows I mean literal equivalents of marriage vows: “for better or worse” and “’til death do us part”. I’m not even exaggerating). The OT3 also doesn’t need explicit romantic narratives to convey how much they love each other. Their love is laced through the whole show, from the way they teach each other things to the way they respond to each other and work as a unit. The way they fiercely protect and admire each other. Like someone once said, if you need characters to kiss or say I love you to let the audience know they love each other, you are writing them wrong. 
Aside from that, each of the parings in the OT3 are just. Gah. They are so well done, with friendship being the solid basis for them all. The creators never expect the audience to assume anything about them or fill in the gaps. They give us their relationships on screen and reference many things off-screen to show us how these relationships continue to build in between episodes.
Hardison and Parker are a canon couple and date in the show: it’s approached slowly and they are so goddamned sweet. They are basically every fluffy slow-burn trope with a healthy dash of mutual pining in the mix. They are basically that quote “love is patient, love is kind”. (I would like to add their romance never becomes the focus of the show or overrides the importance of any other relationship they have with the other characters, especially Eliot.)
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Hardison and Eliot are the Old Married Couple and from day one are already bickering and looking at each other/making comments that are found in every UST fic ever (not to mention Hardison has a very good knack for making Eliot grin like a little kid, when usually he’s basically an Angry Little Chef Man). They argue, they play, and love each other plain as day. 
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Parker and Eliot are more subtle but every bit as wonderful. They have an unspoken connection and understand each other on a level no-one else can. Parker and Eliot are not good with giving themselves over to affection for different reasons (and Hardison plays a central role in helping them realise it’s okay to want it and have it- that boy has endless patience) but there is something so beautiful in the way the two of them come together on their own and develop their own special bond that works for them. Parker and Eliot are that trope where the characters don’t need to speak to understand each other perfectly. They just do. Their love language is a lot of the time non-verbal but speaks volumes. (Parker also likes to annoy the hell out of Eliot and Eliot....just.....lets...her. Because he’s soft. The softest, grumpiest boy.) 
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I could go into so much depth for each pairing and their dynamics as a 3 but that's for another post.
3. Subverting stereotypes. There is the occasional hiccup in the show regarding stereotypes but ultimately, Leverage gets an A+ when it comes to writing characters and making them 3 dimensional people who are not defined by certain characteristics or events. Nate could so easily fall into the White Man Pain trope where he uses the trauma of losing his kid as a reason as to why he is entitled to act like a dick. Nate is a dick but he doesn’t use his pain to excuse it and I appreciate that. Hardison is a black man who is soft and nurturing. Easily the most empathetic and patient of the group. He’s nerdy, an actual genius, and has the biggest heart of all the characters. Nate is maybe the glue but Hardison is definitely the heart. Media’s usual aggressive, amongst other, racist stereotypes can fuck right off. Parker is canonically autistic (I am sure this was confirmed by one of the creators) and she is not defined by it. It’s not written as some kind of singular personality trait. It’s part of what makes up Parker but it’s only one facet of who she is and not once is her actions, thoughts or feelings treated like a joke. Sometimes people don’t understand why she does and says the things she does but it’s met with patience and fondness over the course of the show. Equally, it’s not met with over-caution. Parker is just Parker. No-one tries to change her. The other nice thing is Hardison, who always makes sure Parker knows she’s amazing because of who she is and not in spite of it. Finally, Sophie is in her 40s. She’s not treated like she’s past her prime. Ever. She’s sexy, smart and never is she pitted against or compared to Parker (who is younger) for anything. Sophie is amazing and there’s never even a conversation of “I may be older but I am still *insert adjective typically associated with younger women here*”. Sophie is possibly the first female character I’ve ever seen who isn’t just unapologetic about her age but has never had to apologise for her age. It’s a non-issue and that’s that. The women on the show are written so well, right down to secondary characters and it’s beyond refreshing.  
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4.) It’s just fun. The show has a “monster of the week” type format. Except instead of a ghoul or a ghost, the monster is some corrupt wealthy and powerful individual or organisation. The show draws on real-life individuals to do this and therefore closely parallels real-life people and events. It addresses important political, economical, social and environmental issues while at the same time remaining fun and light-hearted. The characters constantly get the chance to play dress up and by GOD do they have fun with it. You get to watch Eliot beat up bad guys in the most delightful of ways, usually after a witty non-sequitur and with a weapon you’d never think could be a weapon. The dialogue and back and forth between the characters is everything. And finally - my favourite thing- the team can never resist striking a dramatic pose after they’ve taken down the bad guy, making sure the bad guy sees them. I mean, they COULD just walk away, satisfied they’ve taken the person down, but nope. They gotta be dramatic bitches 24/7 and pose like they are models for every single month of this year’s Criminal Calendar.  
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5.) Competence Porn. So. Much. Competence Porn.  
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Honestly, I could list a thousand reasons for why Leverage is amazing but to list them would to be spoiling so many amazing moments you’d get to discover for the first time on your own if you do choose to watch it. It’s the kind of show you can watch with an eagle-eye and sink your teeth into. But it’s also the kind of show if, you would prefer, put on in the background for something entertaining while you do something else. Each episode is about the job at hand but it’s made up of so many moments between the characters that show how much the creators and writers care about them. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll do whatever it is you do when something Soft and Wonderful happens that makes your heart melt. I am so beyond grateful for Leverage. It’s everything I always wanted in a show. Nearly every show I’ve watched in the past 10 years has disappointed me in some way, usually either because the writers run out of steam or characters who I love are treated poorly or given some kind of unnecessary “shock value” arc. Leverage doesn’t do that. Leverage is what it says on the bottle. Fandom isn’t something I joined because I needed canon fix-its. Fandom only enhances and celebrates an already excellent canon. 
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royalwilmon · 3 years
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hi friend best, if you're not against writing from something other than wilhelm/simon perspective, I'd love to know how rosh feels about wilhelm when she makes the decision to subject him to "falling in love with simon because he's singing better than christina aguilera" feels - please and tack x
even though this is about bound to you in ch6, this convo takes place during ch5 so the title is from sanctuary and not bound to you!!! this takes place the thursday night before karaoke (oct 7). rosh is hanging out at simon's after school!
i'll give you something so real (call me up late #8)
this is part of a series of drabbles that give a closer look at what is going on behind the screens of call me up late. i want to do a bunch of these over time so please let me know which parts of cmul you want to see more from!!
“What are you going to sing for me on my birthday?” Rosh teased, pelting a piece of popcorn in Simon’s general direction. Simon caught this one midair and popped it into his mouth. His neutral smile turned into a smirk.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“It’s gonna have to be good if you want to one-up last year.”
“I don’t think I have it in me,” Simon replied with a loud, overdramatic sigh. “Sometimes if I step on it the wrong way, my ankle still hurts from when I fucked it up with that choreo.”
Rosh remembered this well. Simon used his “injury” as an excuse to get out of everything for practically the entire year. Not again. Not if Rosh had anything to do with it.
“For your own safety, and the safety of your adoring public in close proximity, I’m specifically requesting a park and bark this year.”
“Thank god.”
Rosh plucked another piece of popcorn from the bowl on her lap and hurdled it at Simon, this time missing him completely. Simon glared at Rosh in response as he began to search around his bed to figure out where it had landed.
“Gimme your phone. Gonna snoop through your Spotify.”
Simon’s Spotify account was filled with countless playlists that he was constantly updating and editing, all of which contained songs he loved and felt comfortable singing. Rosh was confident she could pick one out that both her and Simon would love that would a) keep everybody physically safe, b) show off Simon’s crazy gorgeous angel voice, and c) make Rosh cry on her birthday, which was admittedly always the goal.
Simon tossed his phone to Rosh before resuming is search for the missing piece of popcorn. Pulling up Simon’s Spotify app, Rosh raised an eyebrow at the most recently played album, looking back up to Simon to comment on it.
“Ha, why were you listening to Burlesque last?”
“What? I wasn’t-”
Simon stopped his denial mid-thought, partially because he likely realized who he was talking to, and partially because he had found the piece of popcorn that had fallen behind a pillow and became distracted popping it in his mouth.
“I will pay you all the money I don’t have if you sing ‘Welcome to Burlesque’.”
“Thought you said I was gonna park and bark. If I’m going to be Cher, I’m going to have to be all of Cher.”
“Okay, well, let’s put it on the shortlist for next year.”
“Noted.”
Rosh opened one of Simon’s latest playlists and was starting to thumb through when the phone vibrated with an incoming text message. She saw Wille’s name in the notification and a knowing grin spread across her face. Simon’s mysterious text-crush strikes again.
“You got a text from horse boy.”
Rosh watched as Simon’s whole demeanor changed, eyes brightened and alert as he spoke without a moment's hesitation. God, so whipped already.
“What’d he say?”
She clicked on the notification from Wille to read the message, which as it turned out, had no message at all, but instead a link to a TikTok. She relayed as much to Simon, who reacted by reaching out his hands and grabbing for his phone.
“Gimme.”
Rosh instead stood up from her chair, setting the bowl of popcorn down where she had been sitting. She made eye contact with Simon in a way that wordlessly cued Simon to shuffle over from where he was sprawled on his bed to make room for Rosh to crawl on next to him. She then clicked on the link and held the phone in between to two of them so they could both watch.
[link to tiktok]
Just a handful of seconds long, the video was of two horses in opposite stalls who inched their noses closer and closer until they were just touching. The horses each let out an amusing neigh before the video cut off and restarted.
Rosh almost laughed.
“This whole flirting through horses thing is kind of fucked up.”
“He’s so persistent with it,” Simon said, amusement and fondness in his voice. “It’s kind of endearing.”
Rosh shook her head in disbelief. “Simon, you are the only person I know that would actually fall for this.”
“So you also think he’s flirting? I’m not going crazy reading into this?”
It was cute how Simon had doubts about what was going on here. To Rosh, Wille seemed to be entirely transparent. She gave Simon a look that she hoped clearly conveyed that she thought Simon was being an idiot.
“Simme, these horses are kissing.”
Simon let out a loud, frustrated groan and flung himself forward into the pillows on his bed.
“It is just so hard to pick up on social cues via text message. I hate not knowing.”
“Maybe you just have to take the guesswork out of it by being more upfront yourself. You be less subtle, so he knows where you stand.”
Simon squirmed further into his pillows, at this point a lost cause.
“No. No, Wille seems to have a lot more reservations when it comes to personal stuff, so I was kind of banking on him setting the pace for now.”
Rosh frowned. Knowing Simon as well as she did, she didn’t like this approach for him. Simon had a big heart that cared so deeply for the people he loved. However, because his love was so unconditional, it was easy for him to be taken advantage of. Rosh had seen it happen before, and was quick to catch the telltale signs of it happening again.
“That’s not fair to you.”
Simon was quiet for a moment before he responded softly. “I don’t want to scare him off.”
“I thought we just established that he is clearly flirting with you.”
“I just don’t want to push it. Not quite yet.”
Okay, well. If Simon wasn’t going to take the next step with Wille, Rosh decide she wasn’t above doing some old-fashioned meddling. The gears turned in her head quickly as she began formulating a plan on the fly.
Simon’s phone still in hand, she switched back over to the Spotify app and paged back to see Simon’s most recent plays, clicking on the Burlesque soundtrack. She handed Simon’s phone back to him, with a glimmer of mischief in her eyes.
“Sing the song X-tina sings near the end of the movie. The one when she’s dressed like Kermit the Frog.”
“‘Bound to You’?” Simon asks, an eyebrow raised in question. Rosh nodded.
“You’re clearly only listening to the soundtrack of this trash garbage movie because of that shit you pulled when you were trying to figure out if Wille was queer or not. And that song is romantic as fuck. If nothing else, use it as an emotional outlet for all of your pining.”
“I’m not pining.”
“Uh-huh,” Rosh replied, unconvinced.
Rosh watched in amusement as Simon tapped on the Spotify track to listen to “Bound To You”, chewing on his bottom lip as he considered the option.
“I mean… I would sound incredible singing this.”
“Obviously.”
Simon smiled, the hint of a blush appearing on his cheeks as Christina sang about being terrified to love for the first time.
The rest of Rosh’s plan would be easy. All she really needed to do was make sure Simon’s outfit for karaoke had no pockets so he would have to leave his phone with her. Then she just needed to be able to give Wille a ring so he could be able to see exactly what page Simon was on when it came to whatever the hell they were doing.
Rosh couldn’t imagine hearing Simon sing and not falling a little bit in love.
Her plan was foolproof.
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haik-choo · 4 years
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karasuno first years out late w/ their s/o
request: Could you write how 1st years (yachi too pls🥺) going out with their s/o late at night ?
a/n: this is such a cute little concept i -- 
[KARASUNO FIRST YEARS OUT LATE AT NIGHT WITH THEIR S/O]
-tsukishima, kageyama, yamaguchi, hinata, yachi
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tsukishima kei.
not gonna lie, he’s often awake late at night. he’s a night owl and doesn’t mind sacrificing his sleep to watch some youtube videos
occasionally, he even goes out late at night, slipping past his parents and brother’s room and softly closing the front door with his headphones covering his ears and his hands stuffed in his pockets
so when you text him at 3am and ask if he can go out with you to the convenience store, he agrees in seconds to meet you at the halfway point between your houses
wastes no time in putting on his sneakers and a hoodie; he wants to get there quickly so that you aren’t left out by yourself
tsukishima knows there’s creeps out there, which is exactly why he jogs to the halfway point and is relieved when he’s the first one there
as soon as he sees you in the distance he fast walks to catch up to you, and slips his hand into yours
he totally brings bluetooth earbuds so that you two can listen to the same music instead of his wired headphones <3 uwu
is always on the lookout for any weirdos, and if he spots someone eyeing you up he shoots them the nastiest glare
eventually wraps his arms around your shoulder while your hand is sitll in his and its that cute little thing where your arms is across your chest holding his hand </3
pays for whatever you get at the store, ignores your complaints and tells you to shut up when you continue to insist on paying
“im trying to be a good boyfriend for once, for the love of god PLEASE shut up”
secretly takes a candid photo of you at some point in the night and sets it as his home screen -- NOT his lock screen, and when you see it he outright denies having taken it
tsukishima: you told me to take a picture of you
you: stop lying i know you’re a closet hopeless romantic 
convinces you to stop at the park and eat the snacks you both got there, music still humming in your ears as the moonlight washes you both in cool tones
tsukishima when he’s alone with you is so soft -- he literally kisses your hand and temple and mutters very softly “love you” 
all in all, tsukishima kei is the perfect night-owl boyfriend to go on snack-runs with 
kageyama tobio.
"why would i go out right now. do you know what time it is. i have practice in the morning”
kags really out here kinda hurtin’ your feelin’s ngl boy doesn’t understand the vibes LOL
honestly you probably woke him up, he’s asleep at like ten every night (even tho he still has homework to do he just flat-out ignores it LOL) 
only agrees to go out walking with you because you said he could bring his volleyball and you’d toss a few for him....and also because he’s a little worried because it’s so dark out
doesn’t walk with you to the park but meets you there LOL
he deadass has his wholeass duffel bad with the ball, two waterbottles, two towelettes, volleyball sneakers and everything
“you know,,,,we’re not playing a game, right, tobio?”
“yeah???? and??? what’s your point”
acts nonchalant but is totally having fun and is lowkey glad you asked him to go out so late because it’s cool out, there’s no one to bother him, and you just look...really good under the stars
he’s not a cheesy person but...god you just take his breath away sometimes. not that he’ll ever say that though
you ask to take a break like thirty minutes in because you are LITERALLY dying meanwhile he hasn’t even broken a sweat (”you’re already tired? maybe you should workout more” “shut UP kageyama”)
you both sit on the bench, and you’re lowkey waiting for him to reach for your hand but they’re just folded in his lap as he stares out in the nothingness of night
kageyama can’t take a hint. we know this. he’s incapable of knowing what you want unless you flat out tell him; so you have to be a very honest person
he doesn’t even really initiate skinship, not because he doesn’t want to, but just because it never really crosses his mind
plus he doesn’t feel the need to constantly show affection because he thinks it’s obvious that he likes you
despite this, he is good at spotting weird people, and he’s pretty protective of you, so you’re completely safe with him. trust him, he’ll keep you safe
all in all, have patience and stamina because kags will play volleyball with you until you pass out. also, he loves you 
yamaguchi tadashi.
is in bed by 11pm but doesn’t actually go to sleep until two am because he’s scrolling through tiktok on his phone
sees your text about wanting to go out for a late night walk and maybe go through the little forest near your house and automatically sends a text that says “ill meet you at your window! can you pack some snacks? :)”
he walks all the way to your house, even if it’s more convenient to meet halfway because he wants to protect you! he’s not the strongest nor is he the most intimidating, so all he really has to offer is his presence
despite not being strong nor scary, yams literally has eagle eye. you can’t tell me that he can’t read people in a heartbeat -- he’s extremely perceptive 
also texts you to not bring a jacket because he’s bringing on of his own for you !!! so sweet what the hell
he waits at your front door and when you step out he automatically pushes his volleyball jacket into your hands and he takes the bag of snacks from you and sticks out one of his hands UGH such a gentleman
lets you ramble about anything and stares at your side profile as he listens 
joins in with a few quips here and there but ultimately is pretty quite and lets you speak or lets the silence cozy into the conversation
sees that there’s a guy sitting on a bench up the road and he switches places with you so that you’re further away from the stranger 
also wraps a protective hand around your waist until you both are past the random dude but yams will glance behind yall every once in a while
when you two reach the mini forest he ends up taking the lead claiming that he knows a good spot
and damn, he’s right
it’s a little clearing that is illuminated solely by the moonlight and he sets the bag of snacks down beside him before sitting down himself, apologizing for not bringing a blanket that you two could sit on 
pats the spot next to him so that you sit right beside him and he leans back with his hand on yours ONGMIRG 
is the super cheesy type and tells you that you look really pretty and that,,,he kind of wants to kiss you
you: *experiencing heart palpitations* and you did this for what. 
yamaguchi: ...because i love you?
you: *K.O*
all in all, yamaguchi is the boyfriend that completely indulges your late-night escapades <3 
hinata shoyo.
is either completely fast asleep and doesn’t see your text or was awake and not planning to sleep for the next five hours, no in-between
but if he’s awake and sees your text, he agrees right away and asks where you want to meet up and what time because homeboy probably has to bike to get there AgAGAGAGA
literally doesn’t even show up in sneakers. he’s wearing sandals and shorts with a short sleeve top 
“i came in my pjs”
“i see that.”
asks if you two can bike around instead because he doesn’t want to have to wheel his bike around for like an hour 
he tells you to hold on tight because the bike was built for one person, and when you press against his back his warmth is literally so,,,comforting 
has no sense of awareness and will scream going down a hill in the middle of a neighborhood, no fucks given
so, no, he doesn’t notice any weriod people even if there are some around
you always end up running into some weird people and you get new interesting stories every other day because let’s be honest hinata is a magnet for crazy shit and crazy people (usually crackheads) 
you both just ride around as he talks about his day, usually his sister always comes up in the conversation( “she asked me to marry you the other day” “doirhgAEROIHFGRE SHOYO WHAT” “what? i told her i would. i keep my promises!”)
after like thirty minutes he begs for a break and you stop at a little 24/7 ice cream store that is run by the sweetest elderly couple
you share a sundae because you don’t want to eat too much this late at night
he plops on the bench right outside the store with his bike leaning against the metal handles, and h snuggles up to you and watches you scroll on your phone
he talks a little here and there, but for the most part, he goes quiet, and it’s during this time where you’re unaware of his gaze that he just takes his time drinking in your features in the yellow light of the lamppost 
he can’t read the mood most times, but this time he does, and he stays quiet, and he thinks to himself
that he really will marry you one day
all in all, hinata gives you the impulsive young teenage experience of late night bike rides while eating his fair share of ice cream
yachi hitoka.
another either or, except this time she’s either fast asleep or stressing over homework and the nine tests she has the next day
when you ask if she can go on a walk with you she’s hesitant because she doesn’t want to get in trouble with her mom and she’s a total goody goody and terrified of doing anything reckless; but then she remembers that her mom was on a business trip and so she, very cautiously, says yes
you: good. i’m outside your door btw
yachi: i never had a choice did i
you have to meet her at her house because she’s way too scared to walk by herself at night; she might even make you factime her as you commute because she’s worried for you
jumps at every little thing, even the crows cawing make her shit herself
instictively grabs onto your sleeve and nervously look around the entire time, to the point where she doesn’t hear what you say
so you offer to go to a little cafe that’s still open and right away she nods
she’s so adorable, she bows really deeply when you two walk into the store and apologizes for it being so late
and finally, because you two are safe, she’s calm and smiling as she sips at her strawberry smoothie
awkwardly and very shyly reaches out for your hand on the table and gently lays her palm on yours
canon: yachi totally has freckles and you can’t convince me otherwise 
her face is red and her freckles are just on display you can’t help but coo at her and tuck some hair behind her ear because god could she get any cuter?
you two end up staying for like a hour and a half and very shyly she asks if you could walk her home 
and this time on the walk she’s not overly cautious and seems to enjoy the nighttime breeze and your hand softly clasping hers
does that cute thing where she lays her head on your shoulder or arm while you both are walking and looks up at you through her eyelashes and asks if you could give her a kiss on the cheek </3
you: stop. please. im going to die.
when you’re at her door she literally just stands there awkwardly for a few seconds before tilting her head upwards and pressing her lips to yours and then promptly running inside
video calls you three seconds afterwards to make sure you get home safely 
all in all, you might need to be the impulsive one, but yachi enjoys spending late night time with you more than she admits. also please kiss her thanks      
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Text
for your eyes only || h. styles
warnings: swearing, references to drugs
word count: 2.5k
summary: harry is feeling the pressure of making his new album...
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You were already in bed by the time Harry got home. Though still awake, your eyes were heavy and your body ached for rest. But you’d never been able to sleep without knowing Harry was safe at home. 
The slamming of the front door echoed through your house. You listened silently as he hung up his coat and kicked off his shoes. You heard him wander into the kitchen, turn on the tap and pour himself a glass of water. After a couple of minutes, he ventured upstairs, heading straight into the bathroom. He began brushing his teeth. 
All the while, you stared out the window of your bedroom. It looked out onto the London streets, dimly lit by the street lights. The bedroom was dark, only illuminated slightly by the outside sky and all of its stars and the moon. 
Harry had been at the studio all day. He’d been stressing about writing his new album. He had started coming home late and leaving early. You barely saw him anymore. You always left him some leftovers in the fridge for him to eat when he got in or take for his lunch. Every time you tried to ask him if he was okay or if he needed to take a break, he’d just shrug you off and tell you he was fine. 
You’d seen a similar thing when he was making his first album, but it was never as bad as this. You’d seen it when he was trying to finish Watermelon Sugar, but it was never as bad as this. 
You felt the bed sink beside you, which consequently woke your cat, who was sleeping at the bottom of your bed. His name was Podge. Rolling over to face Harry, you smiled softly at him. You wanted to be angry at him for never telling you where he was anymore or prioritising his album over your relationship, but you just couldn’t be. You always knew where he was. He went to the studio all day and then would go back to Sarah and Mitch’s for a bit during the evening. “How are you?” he whispered, wrapping his arm around your body.
“Tired,” you replied, squeezing him tightly.
He pressed his lips lazily to the top of your head. You smiled at the feeling of his touch. “Go to sleep then,” he mumbled. 
“But I haven’t seen you today. And I won’t see you tomorrow,” you sighed. “I just miss you. And I want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine, love. You know I’d tell you if I wasn’t.”
You sat up, turning back to him. He frowned, propping himself up against the headboard. “That’s the thing. I don’t think you would tell me.”
“What? Where did you get that idea?” 
“Well, you never told me when you were making your first album. You never told me when you were trying to finish Watermelon Sugar. You don’t have a great track record of being transparent when it comes to telling me when you’re not okay,” you explained. “Instead, all you do is come home and go to sleep. Then you wake up before me to get to the studio early. And even when you finish at the studio, you go back to Sarah and Mitch’s. She’s fucking pregnant, Harry, give them some time alone.”
He sat there and took it like a small child being scolded by his mother. He played with his fingers as you tried not to shout. You both knew it would only be a matter of time before you broke and all your feelings would come pouring out. 
The sound of Podge whining at the bottom of the bed interrupted your heated rant. He plodded his way up to the two of you, settling in between you both. He often did that. He’d clamber up to the top of the bed to sleep between your bodies when everyone was comfortable.
Harry reached down to run his hand along Podge’s soft back. You sighed, throwing the covers off your legs. “I’m going to get a drink,” you told him as you left him alone in the bedroom. 
He watched you leave. He didn’t call out or beg for your forgiveness. That was never how arguments were handled in your relationship. He sighed, getting comfortable in bed again, waiting for your return. The sound of Podge purring was enough to calm his nerves as he listened to you pour yourself a glass of water in the kitchen. He listened carefully as you walked around a bit, before he heard the back door open and close. 
You often went outside to take a moment to collect your thoughts whenever you and Harry got into an argument. Harry knew this. 
You set your glass down as you sat down on the bench against the wall. The fabric was cold against your thighs. You looked up at the bedroom window, wondering whether Harry was contemplating everything you’d said or if he was comfortably falling asleep. 
Harry waited for you to return. You never did. You’d gone to sleep in the spare bedroom. The two of you were too tired to take it too further tonight. So, you both slept, knowing tomorrow would either be full of shouting and tears of frustration or pettiness. 
However, when Harry woke in the morning, he climbed out of bed to apologise to you. Podge followed after him, his claws loud on the floor. But you were gone. The bed in the spare bedroom was made. He slowly made his way down to the kitchen, his nerves getting the better of him. Had you really left? 
There was a note on the kitchen counter by the bowl of fruit. ‘GONE OUT FOR BREAKFAST WITH GEM’. Harry looked over at the clock on the wall. It was thirteen minutes past nine. But he didn’t know when you’d written the note. He quietly poured himself a glass of orange juice and buttered some toast. He went out into the back garden, sitting down in the very spot you’d sat in a few hours earlier. 
The weather was nice. The sky was blue and there was a moderate breeze in the air. His phone buzzed on the table, the screen lighting up to reveal the picture of you he had set as his lock screen. Your slightly pixelated smile was electric through the screen as you cradled Podge in your arms when he was just a kitten. 
The notification was from Mitch. He couldn’t make it to the studio. Harry replied quickly, telling him it wasn’t a problem. It was Saturday anyway. Granted, Harry could probably do with a day off. But, even when he lay in bed all day doing absolutely nothing, he was still working.
That was the trouble with making an album: it plays on your mind until it’s finally out in the hands of the public. More so, Harry noticed, with his solo albums. And that was why Harry seemed to spend every waking moment in the studio. He figured that he might as well be in an environment where he can turn his epiphanies into harmonies.
He heard the front door open and close. You were home. Harry finished the remnants of his orange juice. Podge appeared in the doorway, rubbing his head along on the edge of the threshold. Shortly after, you followed. You were standing in the doorway, shuffling awkwardly. “Not going to the studio today?” you asked, sitting down opposite him. 
He shrugged, “Might do. It’s still early yet.”
You nodded. There was no pettiness. There was no shouting. There was just silence with intervals of small talk. Harry watched you as you fiddled with your fingers, your knee bouncing. You were nervous, he could tell. “How was Gemma?” he asked. 
“She was great,” you replied. “Asked how you were.”
“Yeah? What did you tell her?”
“I said you were fine,” you shrugged. “Just busy with the album.”
He nodded slowly, “Right.”
You furrowed your eyebrows, sitting up straight. You felt Podge run his body along your leg beneath the table. “What? Was I wrong to say that?” you asked, worrying that you’d done something wrong. 
He shook his head quickly, “No, no.”
Harry didn’t say anything more. He was closed off. There was something he wasn’t telling you. You’d been with Harry long enough to know this. Usually, he was quite open with you. He told you what felt like everything. But this never applied to his music. His job. You and his job were two separate things. He made that explicitly clear from the very beginning. You were never to get mixed up with his music and his music was never to get mixed up with you. The line between the two was never blurred. 
But this meant he hardly ever told you when he was struggling or when he felt like he needed a break from it all. You only ever heard songs when they were finished. You only ever saw music videos when they were complete. You had only ever been to one awards show with him - the 2020 Brits. You had never even seen the inside of the studio. You had only met his band on a handful of occasions, all of which had been on nights out or for celebratory dinners, never when they were rehearsing. 
It was like he was leading two lives. 
“You are okay, aren’t you?”
He nodded, “Sure. Just a bit stressed.”
You sighed, exasperated, “You always say that! Every time I ask if you’re doing alright, you just shrug and tell me you’re ‘a bit stressed’. Harry, ‘a bit stressed’ isn’t spending every day at the studio. It isn’t spending all night at the piano, trying to get a song just right. It isn’t constantly comparing yourself to other artists, trying to work out what worked for them and what didn’t. It isn’t getting high every time you fuck something up. It isn’t acting like you have no life outside of the music you make.”
“I don’t! I don’t have a life outside of the music I make. Don’t you get it? I’ve dreamed of this my entire life. I reached the top with the band. And once you’ve had a taste of what it’s like to own the fucking world, everything you do becomes about trying to get there again. It’s like a fucking drug. When it’s been in your system once, it lives there forever and you can’t stop thinking about it. You crave it,” he snapped. You winced as you watched him become so worked up, tears of frustration falling down his cheeks. He dragged his fingers through his hair, tugging on the strands harshly. 
It took you a moment to absorb everything Harry had said. Last night, it had only been a matter of time before you’d broken. Today, it had only been a matter of time since Harry broke. You were sick of it. Harry was sick of it. You let out a shaky breath, nodding slowly as his words registered, “I don’t know if you need to hear this from me. I don’t know if anyone has ever actually said this to you. But you’ll never be as big as the band.”
Harry looked up, his eyebrows knitted together. He looked offended. As anyone would be, you supposed. “What?” he squeaked out. 
“I know it’s brutal. And I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but you’re never going to be as big as the band. And it’s shit, Harry, I know. But you’re a fifth of that band. Some fans left with Liam, and some left with Zayn, and some left with Louis, and some left with Niall. And some left with you. And some left with all five of you. But the point is you’re missing four of the components you had when you owned the world. That band was fucking massive, Harry.”
He didn’t say anything for a while. You didn’t expect him to. You’d said all you felt you needed to say to him. And, while you knew you’d never be able to relate to exactly how Harry was feeling, you’d seen the devastating consequences stardom has on a person. You pressed on, “You owned the fucking world, Harry. But you owned it with four other guys. And I don’t think you could do it on your own.”
He sighed, nodding, “It’s just hard.”
“I know, baby. But it won’t get easier if you just don’t stop. You need to step back from this toxic mindset you’ve got yourself into. You literally just won a Grammy, give yourself a break,” you said. 
“That’s the point. I won a Grammy for Watermelon Sugar. What if I can’t make that again?” he sighed.
“Harry, you’ll never be able to make it again. Surely that’s the beauty of it all, right? Nobody wants to hear you put out another Watermelon Sugar. I can guarantee your fans would be happy to listen to what you want to make,” you said. 
It felt so foreign to be talking to Harry about these kinds of things. You’d reassured him and given him advice on all sorts, but never about the music industry. That was his area of expertise. But spending time with Gemma always put you in some sort of healthy frame of mind.
You reached across the table to squeeze his hand. There was no way you could still be angry at Harry for spending so much time away from the house. He wiped away the stray tears that clung to his cheeks. He reached down to cuddle Podge, who’d jumped up onto the bench at some point or another. “Thanks,” he said quietly, finally looking you in the eyes. “I’m sorry for getting so worked up over this. It’s so pathetic.”
“Don’t apologise, H. I love you and I’m always gonna be here for you. Please don’t be embarrassed about these things. I’ll never judge you for being emotional,” you smiled softly. 
“You’re too good for me,” he said, grinning across at you. 
You leaned back in your chair, shrugging, “Probably. I do think of this relationship as more of charity work.”
He laughed, “You’re so selfless!”
“I know! What can I say, some heroes don’t wear capes,” you smirked. 
It was moments like these, with the sun beaming down at the two of you, that you’d missed. Harry was smiling again. It felt like something you hadn’t seen for weeks. 
The truth was, Harry had always found it easier to express his feelings through the art of music. And, while this posed many benefits for him, it meant that, when he was trapped with writer’s block, he found it difficult to free himself of the burdening stresses of his industry. 
You got to your feet, extending your hand to Harry, “Come on, you’ve not had a shower for days. You stink.”
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