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nakunakunomi · 4 years

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Congrats to the 300 Followers. Cam I ask for number 9 with Sakazuki (or Kuzan if you prefer him)?

Hey love! I am INSANELY nervous to post this because dang, I just hope it is a bit like you had pictured in your mind. I chose to go with Sakazuki for the very reason that he’s the one you initially asked for and like I have stated before, I will not back down from a challenge! That’s not saying I don’t want to write for Kuzan, actually want to write something for him too sometime… all in due time. For now, I hope you like your cliché with Sakazuki!

An Awkward Start - Sakazuki x Reader

Cliché with Bae event: Prompt #9: There’s only one bed and we sleep as far away as possible from each other but wake up cuddling Character: Sakazuki - Word count: 2.1k (added a cut cause it was getting just too long)

This was insane. Inappropriate. Straight up ridiculous. You had to take a few deep breaths before you looked over at the clerk and asked her to repeat what she had just said.

“I’m sorry, but there was only one room booked”

One thing was sure: you were going to murder someone back at headquarters. How was it even possible for such a stupid mistake to be made on such an unusual mission.

“Okay, can we still add on an extra room?” “No I am sorry, we’re fully booked.” “No other inns on the island probably?” The clerk shook her head, obviously feeling very bad for something that wasn’t even her mistake. You pinched the bridge of your nose as you thought over the whole situation.

Ever since his promotion to fleet admiral, and actually already from the promotion to admiral, it was extremely rare for Sakazuki to leave headquarters. He preferred to hold meetings in his office, he preferred having information being brought in. He liked order, overview and control. Which is something you hand over when you enter unfamiliar environments.

But every now and then, there’s a mission where the information was just so important he trusted only himself to go get it or do the talking, or some other reason where the fleet admiral was absolutely needed in order to get everything done.

Today had been one of those missions. It had only been him and you, his assistant, on a tiny island you had never even heard of before. It was all very top-secret, with one special crew dropping you off at the location and another coming for pickup tomorrow. Even you did not know entirely what it was about, you were mostly there to arrange the smaller details such as side paperwork, and accommodations, such as the lodging. Which is where it went wrong, and which was the reason you were now starting to feel a pit form in your stomach in pure panic. What the hell were you going to tell your boss?

You thanked the clerk for her help, and took the key from her hands, walking back to the table where Sakazuki was sitting. You gently placed the key in front of him. “The key to your room sir.” He looked up from the food he had ordered for the both of you, and you could nearly feel yourself breaking out in cold sweat. “Why did that take so long?” You had hoped he didn’t ask for anything and you could maybe find some rest on the couch in the general area of the inn, but alas, he asked the question and you didn’t want to be lying to your superior. You calmly explained the mistake of only one room being booked, profusely apologizing, and immediately adding that you’d make the couch your bed for the night. He was silent for a bit. “Nonsense. Besides, most of those rooms have multiple beds in them, that’s probably why they only booked you one room when you clearly mentioned two people.”

You felt kind of stupid. Of course, he was right, that made a whole lot of sense. The panic of your mistake had made it impossible to think straight, but now that he stated it like that, your nerves were calmed immediately.

“Sit down. Eat. And don’t worry so much. The mission was successful, we’ll be back at headquarters tomorrow and you completed a job well done.”

You sat down, mumbling a ‘thank you sir’, grabbed your plate and focussed on the food. It was rare to hear praise from Sakazuki, mostly because he was of the firm belief people don’t need to be praised for simply doing their job. You still worked hard every single day to impress your superior, for more reasons than just wanting to satisfy your boss. But those reasons were wildly inappropriate to even admit, so you simply didn’t speak about it and tried not to even think about it.

It got worse on missions such as this one, where it was just the two of you for longer periods of time. You had to admit that the one-room debacle, something that sounded like it came straight out of a terrible romance book, had made your heart jump at the mere thought of the possibility of sharing a bed with him. Even if nothing happened. At night you were at your most vulnerable and sharing a bed, even if just for sleep, is an ultimate sign of trust. But again, you were way too terrified to think your fantasies true and panic had quickly taken over. You were pretty sure you were actually blushing a little now too, so focused of the food as you dined in silence.

After dinner, the both of you made your way to room 23, the number neatly engraved in the key you had handed over earlier. Sakazuki opened up the door and stood still in the door frame for a bit. His broad posture made it as good as impossible for you to make out the inside of the room, and you weren’t planning on stepping closer to find out earlier. So you waited until he eventually entered, stepping aside to allow you entrance. You immediately noticed the reason why he had stood still for a bit.

One bed. A big, king-sized, perfectly neatly made-up bed. But just one. You couldn’t help but stare at it as the mix of panic and inappropriate excitement washed over you again. It was dead silent for a second, before you closed the door behind you. Whatever the plan was going to be, it didn’t need to be discussed with an open door so anyone else staying at the inn could listen in on it.

You took in the rest of the room: two nightstands, a lamp on each, some small cabinets and a mirror. A door, presumably leading to the bathroom portion of the room and a nice big window, probably letting in plenty of light throughout the day, but now only displaying a clear sky with some moonlight to add to the strangely awkward atmosphere in the room. It was clean and simple, and the bed took up most of the place.

The silence was only broken by the sound of a match being lit, Sakazuki lighting a cigar, as he also seemed to think over the predicament you were now in.

“It’s big enough” “I’m sorry sir?” “The bed. It’s big enough. You’re not that big, we should probably be able to each take a side without bothering each other.”

You felt your cheeks heat up, and blinked a couple of times. You were not even sure you heard that right, you almost couldn’t bear to look up and ask for confirmation. Surely he couldn’t be serious? “That is, only if you are okay with it?” there was almost an uncharacteristic softness in his tone and you were pretty sure you could melt right then and there. You stuttered as you replied. “No.. I.. I mean, yes, sure, sir… I could also, you know, couch in the lobby, but if you… I mean…”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Sleeping on a couch will ruin your back. Go change, then I can finish my smoke.” You nodded, too confused to even say anything and disappeared into the bathroom.

You splashed cold water in your face multiple times to ensure you were actually awake and this wasn’t the strangest, most real-feeling daydream you’d ever had. You actually spent so much time looking in the mirror in disbelief that you had to scramble changing into your marine-issued pajamas, not wanting to make Sakazuki wait too long for his turn, even though he’d probably not even be bothered this much.

The hour following you stepping out of that bathroom was probably the most awkward you had ever felt in your lifetime. Even though this whole situation ticked so many of the ultimate fantasy checkboxes, the more realistically thinking side of you was constantly reminding you of how weird this whole situation was, and you were relieved there was not too much awkward conversation nor other events before you finally slipped under the covers. Sakazuki seemed surprisingly unbothered by the events, and you inwardly cursed yourself. There were so many situations that were way worse than this, it was kind of pathetic to be panicking over this. You just hoped he didn’t notice too much, the last thing you wanted was to give him a bad impression of you.

You lay down on your side, shuffling as close to the edge of the bed as possible without falling off, before turning off the lamp that was on the nightstand on your side. “Goodnight Sir” “Goodnight y/n” And with the click of the switch of the other lamp, the room was dark and quiet, and you had no idea when your nerves would let you sleep.

----

Apparently, tiredness from the mission and your emotional yoyoing had taken its toll on your physical state, because you didn’t lie awake for much longer. Soon, dreams took over, and you were not surprised that the subject of your dreams was the very person you were now sharing a bed with.

But it was now nearing morning, and you felt yourself wake up with some reluctance, wanting to hold onto your dream just a little longer. It was that strange moment right before you actually wake up, where dream and reality intertwine and you were pretty sure your brain was tricking your senses, the comforting smell, warmth, and closeness actually becoming real for a moment.

But then it didn’t go away, as it normally would. This all happened in a matter of seconds before realization struck you and you opened your eyes wide in shock. There was the pleasant pressure of an arm wrapped around your waist and your entire body was pressed against his. You knew you were prone to moving in your sleep, but never knew it was this bad. Panic washed over you again as you went over the possible plans of action in your head.

Sakazuki himself seemed to be fast asleep still, blissfully unaware of the situation you were in. You decided to try and slip away without waking him up and in the event of him waking up, you’d lie and say you had had a nightmare and accidentally kicked him or something like that. It could get you into trouble, but you doubted the trouble would be worse than those you were in if you just waited for him to wake up like this.

You managed to succeed, tiptoed off to the bathroom to already get changed back into your uniform, and to calm down again, practicing a straightened out face in the mirror. When you stepped out of the bathroom, you gasped audibly, Sakazuki sat at the edge of the bed, fully dressed and ready to go. Just how long did you take to change clothes? Were you that much out of it?

“Rather rude of you to just leave without so much as a ‘good morning, sir’”.

You looked at him wide-eyed and confused, the slight amusement in his tone was barely audible, but you were sure it was there.

“I’m sorry, Sir?” You had to stop yourself from groaning at yourself, why did your vocabulary seem reduced to just those three words whenever he caught you of guard? “You talk in your sleep. A lot.” You could only blink in response. “And you move quite a lot, but I figured you noticed that too when you woke up a little earlier.”

Your brain felt like it short circuited, and you had no words formed by the time he stood up and grabbed his bag, ready to leave in a bit, you still had to be on time for the pickup ship.

“Of course”, he spoke up again when it was clear that you were still too speechless to contribute, “we’d have to find some way for neither of us to get into any serious trouble”. He opened the door for you, gesturing for you to take your bag as well. “I expect you in my office tomorrow morning after you’ve unpacked and settled back in at headquarters. I’m sure we’ll find a solution for our little predicament.” You were close to slapping yourself across the face as he offered you a slight smile, and you were convinced you were simply still dreaming.

You couldn’t help the smile spreading on your face as his words finally sunk in and you realized you were not dreaming at all. You grabbed your bag and walked through the door with a slight spring in your step.

“Of course sir!”

“And drop the ‘sir’ when we’re alone.”

#sakazuki x reader #akainu x reader #sakazuki #akainu #One piece #one piece writing #one piece headcanon #one piece x reader #headcanon #reader insert #one piece HC #request #HC request #300 followers event #cliche with bae #beastofflevance

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baffling-bisexual-quack · 3 years

Text

Death Brings Us Closer

Hey!!! This is the first fic i’ve ever posted, so it’s kind of nerve-wracking. It’s a peter parker x reader fic, and i tried to be gender-neutral. Also it’s disregarding a ton of events in the movies... If anyone sees this, positive comments are encouraged :)

Warning: Swearing & near-death experience ( i don’t dive into that)

Summary: You’re recovering from a near-death experience with the avengers.

You jumped. It seemed uncalled for, but this was your personality. You were always bullied in college, but this was extreme. A group of kids, boys & girls alike had chased you up onto the roof of the Mettely dorms. The dusty ground was hard to get your fitting on, but they had pursued you up there with no problems. Now, they were backing into you. The main problem was that this roof had no barrier, so one wrong move and you would be flying down a 10-story drop. Might as well just kill yourself now. You gulped hard as you glanced behind you. The edge of the building was less than 2 feet away, and the people were still coming towards you. You needed a plan, and now.

“What, you afraid of heights?” The guy you assumed was the leader said. He had a smug look on his face.

The thing is, you were a spiteful person. If someone said you couldn’t do something, you went right ahead and did it, not caring whether you would get hurt or die. That was mainly the reason you’d reputation was so bad.

“You can’t survive that jump! Nobody can! So why don’t you just surrender now?” The rest of the people nodded & smirked, agreeing with the guy.

Like an idiot, you went “No one can survive it, huh? Then I’ll be the first!”

You jumped off the roof. Big mistake. The ground was cement under you. Nothing to break you fall. Your life flashed before your eyes. You didn’t think it would end at the age of 19. As your head hit the cement, you heard gasps had shouts from everyone around you. All you could feel was a throbbing pain in your lungs and your head. Well this is what death feels like, you thought. It was the last thing you thought before you blacked out, barely breathing. You didn’t hear a person trying to talk to you, you didn’t feel him pick you up, you didn’t see his car that he rushed you in to get you to the safest place he knew, where some of the best doctors were.

He didn’t know if you were alive anymore.

When you woke up, you could hear people discussing something about someone. Your head was throbbing and it felt like there was an elephant sitting on your stomach. You opens you eyes to see 5 different people who you had never met in your life standing over you. Wait, you may have seen two of them before, but right now, you believed everything and nothing.

“Hurgruphungf” you said trying to get up. You were quickly pushed back down by a boy.

“Where.... what... who...??” You mange to stutter out.

“Oh, you’re up. I can’t believe you’re alive. That was a pretty bad fall. What were you doing jumping off a 10-story building, anyway? Are you suicidal? That’s rough. Anyway, based on the diagnosis and some of the treatments...” You cut the boy off by covering his mouth with your hand, which had a metric ton of tubes taped to it.

“Who. The fuck. Are you.” You said, making it clear that there was no messing about with you.

“Ah, you probably don’t know me. We go to the same university, NYU? I’m in second year, and I think you’re in first? Do I have that right? Anyway, I’m Peter, and this is Bruce, Shuri, Dad, and Dr. Dad. Also known and Tony and Stephen.”

“Ah, yes, knowing there names. That makes me understand why I’m in a hospital bed and my head really hurts and I’m surrounded by a bunch of fucking geniuses!!!” You snapped back. It was just your nature in times like this that you got really sarcastic & snarky.

“Oh, I guess you wouldn’t remember. You jumped off the Mettely dorms roof? Possibly because you’re suicidal? I think? I mean you might not be, but, I-“ Peter was babbling, so you decided to help him by slapping your have over his mouth again.

“I’m not suicidal, those people were backing me into the edge of the roof and there was no barrier so I was going to fall. They’re these bullies and I’ve been their target since the first day I got to university but they never went so far as to almost push me off a building. Then one of them said I couldn’t jump off the side of the building so I had to prove them wrong, right? So I jumped off to show them I could survive and now I’m here.” You stopped to take a breath. By now everyone in the room was staring at you. Even the Bruce guy had stopped checking your vitals to stare at you. Peter gently removed your head from his face and asked,

“So you’re not suicidal?”

“Yeah.” You replied. You had decided that you liked him. For now. As long as he didn’t do anything idiotic or mean.

“Good to know.” He said.

Then, the guy named Tony started taking about your injuries and what they needed to do. It bored you after about 30 seconds, and Peter noticed this and caught your eye, giving you a thumbs up. You gave him a small smile.

“Got it?” Tony concluded.

“Um, yeah, as long as there are no amputations and I can walk and stuff after.” You said, trying not to make it obvious you weren’t listening.

“No, no amputations. There will be surgery, though, and it will take about a year to recover.” The Stephen guy said. He looked like a wizard or something, with those clearly defined cheekbones.

“A fucking year??” You asked dubiously.

“Yes.” Stephen responded.

“Do you have a plan for keeping up with schoolwork?” Shuri asked.

“I don’t even have a ‘pla’” you respond. Peter gives a small laugh at your friends quote.

“Alright, we’re gonna have to put your under for this. Peter, out.” Bruce said, getting down to business.

“But I-“

“Out, Peter!”

“Hmph.”

—————————

After you had woken up, it was revealed that you had been asleep for a day and a half. Much longer than they had expected. But you were alive, and the surgery was a success. It left you feeling like shit.

Peter came to visit you with this really, really tall guy who didn’t look human. He was blonde with one blue and one brown-ish colour. He was wearing armour, which was weird because it didn’t seem like there was a fight going on. Also, he had a huge hammer. Were they planning to just kill you now?

“Hey, you’re up! I just wanted to check. This is my friend, Thor. Thor, this is... I actually don’t think I know your name! Weird. What is it?”

“It’s y/n.”

“Ah. Well, Thor, this is y/n.”

“Greetings, midgardian! I am Thor, god of thunder, king of Asgard.”

“Well, I’m y/n, the biggest idiot you’ll ever meet, who lives their life out of spite.”

Peter laughed a little at this. He seemed to like your sense of humour, which is a good sign.

“I am very unfamiliar with midgardian culture. Anything I should know?” Thor asked eagerly.

“Yes. Live by this word, which is ‘being in a total state of awareness’. The word is: Unagi.” You said, doing the hand motion with your first two fingers like a gun next to your eyeball. Thor gave you a confused look, but nodded along. Peter was laughing really hard, by was trying to hide it.

“Also, the best pickup line is ‘how you doin’?” Peter added on.

“I see.” Thor said, intrigued.

“What’re you guys telling him?” Bruce said, walking in to check on you to or like the ninth time today.

“Unagi.” You said, doing the hand motion.

“And ‘how you doin’?’” Peter said.

Bruce facepalmed. “Don’t listen to them. They’re trying to mess with you.”

“I am confused.” Thor said.

“Alright, you two need to get out so y/n can rest.” Bruce said, ending the conversation.

“Bye, y/n. By the way, I’m spider-man.” Peter said as he left.

“Wait, what? You’re joking, right?” You said. Peter just smiled and left the room with Thor.

“He’s spider-man?” You ask Bruce, hoping that he was joking.

“Yeah, I guess you should know, since you’re gonna be here for awhile. He’s spider-man, I’m the hulk, Tony’s iron man and Stephen’s the sorcerer supreme. Cool, right?” Bruce said nonchalantly.

“Um, yeah. That’s kind of a big deal! I mean like I’m surrounded by avengers & stuff... like. Wow.” You said, slightly shocked.

“Do you wanna lift your arm?” Bruce asked. You knew the question was rhetorical, but you took the opportunity anyway.

“Oh, I wish I could, but I don’t want to.” You said, quoting friends again.

“You’re just like a friends quote machine, aren’t you?”

“Yyyyep!”

“So anyway, what’s going on for you?” Bruce asked.

“Well, I’m in a hospital bed surrounded by avengers, so that happens. You?”

Bruce sighed. “I’m trying to find a way to ask Thor out, but I don’t know how.”

“I’m not great with advice, but can I interest you with a sarcastic comment?”

Bruce have you a dirty look.

“Fine, I’ll stop.” You said.

“Really?”

“No.”

“Ok, well. I really like him, but he’s dated girls in the past and he might not be gay and I don’t want to ruin our really close friendship, y’know?”

“Yeah, that’s a tough situation. If he doesn’t like you than this is all a moo point. It’s like a cow’s opinion. It doesn’t matter. It’s moo.” You replies, hoping he wouldn’t choke the life out of you. Bruce laughed a little and went back to checking you.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad here.

—————————

“Come on! A horse would totally win in a fight with a cow!” You laughed, debating with Peter. You two had gotten really close over the past year. You had even gotten to go on a vacation with the avengers. Your life had pretty much gone back to normal. You had your own room in the avengers tower, because Bruce, Shuri, Tony and Stephen wanted to make sure you were ok. You would be leaving in a week, and it was sad to think you had to leave these people who’d basically become your family behind. It felt wrong. But they didn’t want you here, right? They were just being nice & caring for you. Yeah. It’s right to leave.

“Hey, you know Thor & Bruce went on a date?” Peter said.

“They didn’t!”

“They did! They’re a thing now!”

“Oh my god!”

“I know!”

“Ah, i’m gonna miss this.” You said kind of sadly.

“Yeah. Why do you have to go?” Peter pouted.

“It’s not helpful for me to stay here! I’m just a thorn in your guys’ side.”

Peter gave you a disappointed look. Over the course of the year, he had fallen in love with you. He tried really hard to repress it, but he just loved everything about you and it broke his heart that you had to go. You would see each other on campus, but it wasn’t the same. The worst part is you were totally oblivious to it.

“Do you ever have bad days?” Peter asked.

“Sure, I have my bad days, but then I remember what a cute smile I have. Hey, I have an idea for a trick we can play on Thor.” You said, a mischievous smile on your face.

“Do you wanna get Loki to help?”

“Yes. Trust me, it’ll be great.”

—————————

A week later, it was the day of your departure. By 9:00 am, you had gotten all of your stuff together. It was only a backpack of clothes, because that’s all you really needed when you were there. The avengers supplied the rest. You went to the living room where most of the avengers were to say goodbye.

“Hey, guys. Just wanted to say bye before I leave.”

Stephen and a couple other people stood up and walked over to talk to you.

“You sure have made a fast recovery for someone who almost died a year ago.” Tony joked. He was practically hanging off Stephen’s side.

“Yeah. Well. You know how it is.” You said.

“I’m going to miss all your friends quotes.” Bruce said. You knew this was genuine. You two were also pretty close.

“Could I recommend watching a little more ‘ESPN’ and a little less ‘E.’?” You knew it would make Bruce laugh.

After all the other goodbyes were done, Peter came in to say goodbye. You were going to miss that asshole so much. He came in and you and him stood in front of the elevator facing each other.

“Bye, Peter.” You practically whispered. You were forcing yourself not to cry. Instead of responding, he stepped towards you, put your head in his hands, and kissed you.

It was slow and nice, soft but still firm. You were standing there in shock for a few seconds. You had never really felt love for Peter, but as he kissed you you could feel yourself fall in love with him. It didn’t take you long to relax and start kissing him back, hands moving to his waist to pull him even closer. You had both totally forgotten that every single avenger was standing right there. When you both finally pulled back, staring at each other for what seemed like eternity. His eyes were so chocolaty brown. How had you never noticed that? He gave out a little nervous laugh, surprised you had kissed him back. The moment ended when Bruce cleared his through to draw to your attention that everyone was staring at you. You glanced to them, then Peter. Everyone was quiet for a few minutes. Even Tony had no snarky or sarcastic comment to make. That’s a first.

“Um... hey, guys....” Peter stutters out. It just makes the tension in the room grow.

“Please tell me the rest of you guys just say Peter & y/n kiss.” Nat said.

You gave everyone a half smile and turned your head back to Peter.

“You should stay here.” He whispered, pressing his forehead to yours.

“Maybe I will.” You said, smiling like an idiot.

“He’s their lobster!” Bruce whispered, just loud enough so you & Peter could hear.

You smiled at the reference he made.

And you didn’t contradict him.

--------

THIS IS LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!!!

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #throbruce #ironstrange #marvel #the avengers #sorry its not the best #but it makes me feel better #friends quotes

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crimeronan · 4 years

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ik youre not a therapist and i dont want like therapy or anything but im 17 and ive known i was bipolar for 3 years now and i dont know how im supposed to live the rest of my life like this. im so fucking tired. how do you stay alive

you sent this a couple days ago & i’m posting at a weird time so i’m not sure if you’ll see it but.

i’ve been looking at this message trying to decide how to respond

because i don’t know your situation, your symptoms, how you’re feeling, whether you’ve had positive or negative experiences with medication, psychiatrists, therapists, hospitals, all that related shit

the bipolar life advice i give to people is vastly different depending on the individual. it’s not a one size fits all thing. and there’s never even a guarantee that my advice will be the right choice

so since i don’t know about your situation or experiences or what you want, i’m not gonna tell you what to do. i’m gonna focus on the “how do you stay alive” question and try to pen down some personal feelings. and if they help then great, and if they don’t then... this is the most honest i can be

(you can always ask another question to get a better answer. my inbox is a coin slot and i am a vending machine of varied-degrees-of-helpfulness replies offered at varied-inconvenient-too-long-intervals)

how do i stay alive

it’s a 2-parter, actually. i pondered how to condense my thoughts/feelings, and it came down to these two things

1. love 2. spite

1. love

the spite is easier to write about than the love. love is hard to reach when i feel like shit.

spite is where i go when i want to die. love is where i go when i want to want to live.

maybe i don’t want to be alive. but maybe i wish i did. spite doesn’t help me much there. spite keeps me afloat, but it doesn’t make the floating pleasurable. there’s more to life than outlasting everything that ever hurt me. i need a reason to continue when there’s no enemy to fight

so. love

i almost wrote about the spite alone because that’s rawer, realer, more visceral. that’s the shit that CONNECTS when everything feels hopeless. but it would be a lie of omission. spite is only one of the major food groups, you’ll waste away from malnutrition if you eat it for every meal. or at least, i will.

“so you’ve got a bunch of people you love,” you say, “and you stick around for them. cry on them. support each other. like each other. fine.” you’ve heard this story before

nah.

i mean - yes. i have people i love. i live with two partners, i’ve got a third girlfriend, i’ve got a long-distance platonic life partner. i have a support net, i have a family i’ve forged, i have confidence that i’m not alone. i have, in a bare-bones checklist sort of way, fulfilled my physiological human need for connection

but i could live without every single one of them. i’m not dependent upon any of them for my survival. i’m not dependent upon them for love, given or received. (this isn’t a callous cruelty, it won’t hurt them if/when they read this. i’ve told them all this, they know. they’re glad of it.)

so. what the fuck does “love” mean, then?

the short explanation is that it’s my love of life, of things in the world. it’s all the little connections i’ve made. every time i love something, a hook tethers to the universe. hook enough tethers, and i no longer feel the need to float away. no dissolution of self today, sir

the rest of this section is some of the things i love. partially it’s to show how i connect to little things and ascribe magic to the mundane. partially it’s because i like thinking about things i love, i like typing them out, and i like that i could keep going for thousands and thousands of words.

i am laying in bed at 7:30 AM with the lights off and the shades drawn. blue light comes through the slats because it’s the better time of year, the one where i finally get vitamin D, the one where the birds chirp at 4AM, the one where the sky isn’t impenetrably black til 10PM.

there’s a weighted blanket tucked around my legs. my partner rafi bought it for us to share because it’s soothing and heavy and comforting and helps with my physical pain. right now it’s soft on my skin and if i get too emotional as i write, i can pull it over me like a cloak until i’m settled.

the apartment’s walls are blank because we’ve spent eight months intending to put art up and keep forgetting. but there’s a newly-unearthed dining area in the kitchen because i finally shifted around the unpacked boxes that were dominating the space. it’s new and it surprises me every time i walk out there. it’s open and inviting and bright and it’s a sign that we’re making this place home.

we’ll put a cheap IKEA table by the window and we’ll probably never eat family dinners there - why would we sit in hard chairs and make stiff conversation when we could all cuddle on the couch - but my partner dev will create a place to do their art and the surface will be constantly littered with drying watercolor experiments.

we’ll hang our art one of these days, too, when our collective adhd offers a miraculous combo of remembering + having time + having motivation + having inspiration. rafi has the most art because they’ve been collecting it for years. i have to start smaller. i’m not used to keeping physical objects. dev has a few pieces thrifted or bought at local artist events or painted themselves

so we’ll put art up in the living room, my single “you are magic” flower print alongside a naked monster lady that dev fell in love with when we browsed art at a yuletide event months ago, alongside rafi’s monster girls and comic characters and book characters and literature art and quotes and abstract pieces and whatever else they have hiding in boxes.

my head protests that naked monster ladies do not belong in the living room, although the picture isn’t overtly sexual. but then i remember that they do, actually, because it’s our space and we can do whatever we want with it as long as the lease isn’t broken. there isn’t anyone in the local social circles who’d be perturbed by the decor, as far as i know. i don’t have to hide anything from my parents because i live 3600 miles from them, and even though i miss my mom, the distance is good for me

there are two exquisite chairs on the porch. they fold and recline from thrones to nearly-horizontal beds. there are pillows and cupholders and trays and specific spaces for both a book and a phone. i can sit there while the morning sun rises and read or play word games or browse tumblr, cup of coffee beside me, trees shielding my eyes from stabby sunbeams

there are remnants of the last tenant’s garden in one corner of the yard. we’ve done fuckall for yardwork but plants struggle through anyway. some seem to have sprouted by accident. mushroom clusters populate the edges of the fence. the apartment squirrel (there are probably several, but i like to think it’s a single energetic creature) runs back and forth along the fence & i always lose my train of thought & then laugh my ASS off at the “SQUIRREL! XD” adhd moment. birds kick up leaf litter and play on the ground looking for insects to eat, they wiggle their tail feathers and flap their wings and sometimes they disappear and then return with friends

a little more than eleven months ago, i packed all of dev’s and my shit into a uhaul and drove and drove and drove to get to this city i’d never been in before to live with a partner i’d never cohabitated with. we were homeless for more than a month, we weathered some financial disasters, we met some great people and some shitty ones

on the drive i fell in love with the sky. i didn’t know how big it can get - actually, that’s a lie. i’d FORGOTTEN how big it can get. i’ve loved the sky thirty miles out to sea, no land in sight in any direction, just blue water and blue space above. i’ve loved the vastness and the yawning beneath me and the knowledge that everything is BIGGER than i can fathom. the depth of the sea doesn’t frighten me, it’s home. i don’t want to die, but if i had to, the ocean makes a soothing grave

in north dakota i discovered that i’ve been partially blind my whole life, which is a different tale that showed me i’ll never stop learning myself. in montana we struggled up thousands of feet of mountains with the car huffing and puffing at the trailer’s weight, and when we finally coasted downward, it felt like sudden freefall. we ended up in the pitch darkness of night on sheer winding interstates with midnight construction projects forcing detours. the mountains felt hungry, they had teeth. mountain cliffs are much scarier to me than the ocean depths

i bought a red bull and poured a little out the driver’s side door as an offering to hermes, because i’m not particularly religious but i’ll take help where i can get it. slammed that back in a few gulps and shook to bright-eyed alertness and ended up behind a slow-driving red pickup truck that guided us over about a hundred miles of mountain terrain

i thought, that’s just some construction worker driving between sites. the roads are empty at this time of night, but it’s an interstate. of course we’d end up behind someone. this isn’t divine intervention. this isn’t the benevolence of a god

i thought, but it can be a little magic. if i want it to be.

and it was. it stays with me.

god help me but i’ve been writing this stream of consciousness for more than 30 minutes and i’ve said nothing. i haven’t talked about the city, the parks, the people, the conversations, the books, the tv shows, the movies, the communities, the library, the animals, writing, reading, singing, acting, swimming, analyzing, creating, supporting, building. and i can keep going. i can come up with hundreds and hundreds of things i love and i can write paragraphs about all of them

so i’ll stop here. you get the picture. love is the life i’ve made for myself, the surroundings i’ve built, the quiet moments i can capture, the inspiration i pin, the magic i commit to memory.

i had to work so damn hard for every single bit of this.

i’ll be fucking damned if i let it go because my brain tried to trick me into thinking death is better.

2. spite

there are people who want me to die.

i don’t mean that i have a giant entourage of personalized enemies who curse my name and plan my individual demise. although there have been plenty of people who have not liked me much. probably some of them would enjoy my death. i don’t give a shit about that

there are people who want me dead because i am a dot on a grid they dislike. a faceless anonymous enemy who meets too many bad criteria with numbers and percentages and shrinking majorities and shifting public opinion

because i’m gay. because i’m bipolar. because i’m autistic. because i’m a dropout. because i grew up poor. because my spine curves and my shoulders ache. because i squandered my potential, because i didn’t have enough potential, because i didn’t love god enough, because i love the wrong gods, because i don’t worship, because i worship wrong, because i didn’t seek a husband, because i never wanted one, because i talk too much, because i can’t be controlled, because i chose to leave the fold when i realized it was suffocating me, because i’m ugly, because i’m gorgeous, because my body belongs to me

pick your poison.

this bothered me growing up, a lot. i knew i did not deserve to die. but if enough people tell you that you should, a little part of you will wonder if they’re right. that little part might become bigger the closer they get and the louder they shout and the longer they wear you down

we know the rough shape of this story, i don’t need to tell it. mine was messy and not triumphant and i survived more by chance than premeditation.

i’m older now. by and large i’m still young as shit - i’m 24 - but GOD i am LEAGUES away from 15, 16, 17. i know who i am. i know what i want. i know how to get it. and when i don’t know that, i find out. i tell the truth. i ask for what i want. i use my time how i want. i do what i want.

there are days that i can’t access the “love” side of the equation. no finding poetry in birdsong or sugared coffee for me, thank you, i feel like shit and the world is awful and everything is too big and fast and cruel and everything wants me to die and it wants everything i love to die, too. everyone i love. it’s all garbage. the good doesn’t touch me

trauma is difficult to describe. the difficulty is compounded by the fact that my trauma is influenced by my various neurodivergences, bipolar included. i never know if i’m feeling what other people do. i don’t know if i’m voicing unpalatable feelings others are afraid to express - or if i’m just othering myself, admitting i’m not as human as everyone else.

there is something malevolent and monstrous inside me. i don’t touch it all the time. but i don’t pretend it isn’t there. it sits in my chest and molders or radiates or oozes. it presses at my throat. it curdles in my stomach. it hurts what it touches, whether that’s me or someone i love or someone i hate. it sets things aflame with no regard for the precious or the fragile. it tears down walls and razes shelters and begs for apocalyptic rain.

i can give this thing names, clinical descriptors. i know what it is on a diagnostic chart, in a ponderous article, in an academic debate, in a fiction novel, in a war movie, in a memoir. there are a thousand ways to describe this thing. the descriptors aren’t important. what is important is this - i have learned that most people do not walk side-by-side with a tornado-hurricane-hellfire-weaponized-open-nuclear-reactor. this is not a “normal” expression of human emotion, this is not me trying to ascribe power to “bad bipolar feelings.” this thing lives in me and i know why it’s there and it is not designed to be held/silenced/muzzled/controlled by my body.

it does not help to pretend this thing does not exist. it does not help to try to reason it away or ignore it or tell it to stop. it wants what it wants, it does what it does. possibly if i was better at therapy or stubbornness then i wouldn’t resign myself to that

but it is fucking EXHAUSTING to try to fight something that’s part of me. to try to reshape it, rename it, pare it down, make it consumable for the masses. it’s a war i have never won and it’s a war that i will lose if i keep fighting it. i cannot fight with myself. i cannot beat my monster into submission. if we’re gonna battle like that, head to head, me trying to cut it down, me trying to be the hero, it rearing back like a fire-breathing dragon,

then it’s stronger. it’s always stronger.

so i surrender.

but that’s not where i stop.

can’t fight it. can’t kill it. can’t muzzle it. can’t reshape it, can’t disarm it, can’t contain it.

alright.

so what now.

if the surrender was a full giving-up, this is where i’d passively accept that i’m doomed to hurt and destroy everything precious to me. can’t fix it. will lose everything, will never experience or deserve happiness, will make the world worse simply by existing.

that sure does sound like impending-doom rhetoric. hop skip and a jump from some dire-ass conclusions.

so fuck that, i say.

here’s a better question.

if it has to get out, then what happens if i control where it goes?

here’s the thing.

the monster doesn’t care what it kills or destroys or hurts.

“have a conscience, care about things, remember love, stop yourself, don’t do this don’t do this don’t do this.”

losing battle. lost war.

it’s not the monster’s fault. the monster doesn’t have complex motivations or hates or fears. it exists to protect me through scorched earth. a remnant of a chemical imbalance, maladaptive coping mechanism, bipolar crazy, traumatized injury. it doesn’t know that its job is obsolete.

i can’t change the monster.

but my mind is a separate thing. my mind knows what matters, what my priorities are, what i find precious, what i want to protect. my mind remembers all the things the monster doesn’t.

my mind has learned things the monster can’t.

when i fight it head-on, the malevolence is stronger than me. but as i am, walking with it, sitting in my bed writing this while examining the void and the consciousness, describing it, quantifying it,

that’s when i’m stronger.

and with my mind as the stronger force, i can decide where the monster goes. what it touches. what it destroys. what it burns. where the ashes land.

i do not want to be a destructive person. i want to be someone who builds, repairs, changes. i want to make the world better for kids like me. i want to stop pouring more gasoline onto a fire that’s been burning since long before i was born. i want to believe - i do believe - that positive change is better than negative. i do my best to plant good things and enact that positive change instead of becoming a beacon of wrath.

but there are a lot of kids surrounded by people who want them to die, and not all of them have a protective monster.

so it’s good.

when i’m depressed, my mind loses its battles. my cognizance slips. i forget why i care. i forget what i want. i forget how happiness feels, how to find pleasure in quiet moments.

i don’t get depressed as often as i used to since my meds are adjusted correctly now. but it still happens. it will keep happening for the rest of my life.

my mind weakens and curls up and stops fighting, and the monster is always there.

it’s a very powerful thing when it wants to be.

it wants to survive.

the thing is, it knows there are people that want me/us/whatever dead. it’s been fighting them forever. die like they want? my mind says, sure, what does it matter.

the monster says, nah. our work isn’t done. and fuck them, anyway.

so we get up.

so that’s how i stay alive.

i typed this for 90 minutes and after editing i’d spent two hours on this post. i don’t know if anyone will read it all. i don’t know if it’ll mean anything. i don’t know if these thoughts even make sense, much less if i’ve conveyed the feelings i have.

i love being alive. and when i don’t, i love being a monster. it’s good. all of it is good. i’ve reconciled my uglier pieces. it’s not one or the other, love or spite. it’s symbiosis. i need both, i love both.

no guarantees that this is helpful, but based purely on my own life experience, these are my tips for survival:

you’ll have to find your own roots. i can’t give them to you.

but it’s possible to dig them in and spread them far enough that one uprooted peg doesn’t shift your whole equilibrium.

and when you’re tired, rest, and let yourself be tired, and find the reason why you’re staying in the world.

i’m positive there’s at least one.

figure out why you’re losing your battles and then change the game.

if you can’t win one setup, don’t try to beat the system. adjust your strategy.

you’ll be surprised by what you can love when you stop fighting the disparate pieces of you, and instead figure out how to use them.

#i have several other questions to answer in my inbox if you've asked me st over the past few weeks #im not ignoring it im figuring out how to phrase my reply #replies #bipolar blogging #actuallybipolar #my writing #life advice #long post #REALLY long post #it's under a read more but if mobile deletes it i apologize #c ptsd tag #suicide m #ok to reblog #Anonymous

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etraytin · 4 years

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Quarantine, Day 111

June 30

You know it's been a busy day when I don't even start typing my journal until after midnight, but the funny part is that the day only got busy at like 10:15pm. Huge apartment complex fire one city over, and though I didn't have to go out to the scene this time, they had me doing virtual response, calling people and getting their information into the computers so the on-scene people could do the other necessary stuff. Twelve units, Jesus Christ. It always make me think, just for a minute, what we would do if it happened in our building. We have an escape plan, the kiddo even has a fire ladder under his bed that he knows how to use because our kitchen is between his room and the door, and in sixteen years of renting we have never even had a fire evacuation, but it's just that thought in the back of your head. I don't think there were any bad injuries on this one, at least.

Anyway, I am done for now, so I have fed the kittens but will forgo another cuddling session till tomorrow because Barry gets hissy when he is tired. Even more hissy. I toughed up today, put on long sleeves and gloves, and actually gave Barry a cuddle session, half-burritoed in a blanket. He was super not into being picked up, but once I had him, he was very compliant and just let me pet him for ten whole minutes. Progress! Bixby now does elevator butt when I pet him, which is extremely cute. I think Bixby may be ready to be let out to explore, and that means I need to clean up and kittenproof this room a lot more. My setup is for baby kittens, not big kittens who can totally jump hella high. Barry will not be ready for a little while, I think, but we'll keep working on it. I'm really happy that he never actually tried to bite me. That's a very good sign. "Will not bite you" is an important line item for most adopters.

The kiddo and I went out this evening but did not leave the car, so I'm not sure if it counts. We turned on Pokemon Go and drove around to the Pokestops that are not within walking distance, and a couple of nearby gyms, where we got our pokebutts handed to us but had a good time. It is a little weird loitering around in church parking lots and outside the post office while the kiddo plays. Luckily, there was nobody else around at all in most of these places. I got a weird look from one maintenance guy but that was about it. Even just getting out a little bit put the kiddo in a better mood than yesterday, plus his room is finally clean and that helps. I made him take a shower this morning with conditioner because his hair was an unbelievable rat's nest that hadn't been brushed for days. I sprayed him down with detangler and spent half an hour carefully brushing out his hair and drying it with the hair dryer. He looked much better after that! I don't mind him having long hair if he wants it, but he needs to start doing his own maintenance if that is the case. It's nice to brush his hair once in awhile, though.

Today was the last day of the month, which means payday, which means tomorrow is grocery pickup day, yay! Walmart is back to next-day pickup availability around here, a very pleasing turn of events. I am still pretty nervous about all the new COVID cases all over, so it's a pretty big order, plus I can finally get hold of a few things I've wanted but couldn't get, like yeast! There are several cat toys in the mix as well, plus the stand fans we want for the bedrooms. Walmart has greatly expanded their pickup-available inventory since I started using it a couple of years ago in Florida. Back then it was pretty much just groceries from the grocery section, now I can get a new shower curtain shopped for me and put in my car! (I am doing that tomorrow because our current one got gross while we were gone so long.) It's very convenient, but at the same time I kind of wish I could just go into the store and push the cart around for an hour or two and look at stuff myself. A lot of people are doing that now, though, and doing it in really stupid and dangerous ways, so I'm going to stay home for everybody's sake.

#quarantine #red cross #feral kittens

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praphit · 4 years

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CRASH - I promise no race talk

First, let me say that this particular post will be a safe space. No race talk here. Today, we're going to talk a lil "Crash".

This movie came out in 2005; I hadn’t watched it since then. I remembered really liking it. I remembered Ludacris and Larenz Tate stealing the movie as a comedy duo.

I remembered these two ladies:

(Jennifer Esposito - not the best picture of her, and perhaps that’s partly my fault. She is pissed in this scene... probably because the person whom she is talking to is not me :)

and Bahar Soomekh

(Wait, that’s “Saw 3... hmm... she was in “Saw 3″ btw.)

Let me try again -

(Nope. Dammit. Still “Saw”)

You get the idea. These two ladies! Yes!

I remembered watching this movie with my then girlfriend, and thinking to myself "As soon as this movie is over, I'm breaking up with her and seeking these two out, to propose to the both of them - this is my destiny."

I remembered something about Saint Christopher, who is apparently the patron saint of travelers.

He was kinda like an Uber driver (I guess... and by the looks of this depiction, a grumpy Uber driver). He will get you safely to where you'd like to be, as long as you listen to his smooth jazz, questionable philosophies on life, and of course allow him to flirt a lil with you.

Oh, and I remembered Luda getting his ass beat by the dude from "Empire"

- no, not that dude.

This dude - (Terrence Howard).

I believe that anyone who tries to explain what this movie is about will end up sounding like they've had one too many to drink:

"It's about a bunch of people of different races/ethnicities who... have racist stuff happen to them. And they don't know each other, but they're kinda connected... and there's a crash... although it doesn't have much to do with the story... but it kinda does... maybe? Ludacris is in it. He gets his ass beat by that guy from "Empire", but not that guy... the other guy. Racism sucks, bro."

Trying to explain it is similar to how we'll (years from now) try to explain 2020... or Trump being president.

Let's me try to break it down:

Don Cheadle is Detective Graham Waters (what a name).

He deals with a lot of race stuff on the job and in cases. Race stuff that I'm sparing you from today (you're welcome:) Annnnd he's banging one of the women whom I thought would be my future wife.

The first time that we meet HER (another detective), we learn that she's pretty racist.

Side note: Can one be both pretty AND racist? Does the racism overwhelm the pretty face? or vice versa? Would some of us see Trump as being racist, if he looked like Chris Hemsworth?

(and always gave press conferences shirtless)

Sorry, I promised no race talk.

What if Trump looked like this?

Are presidents allowed to get sex changes?

So, Terrence Howard and Thandie Newton have a racist and perverted encounter with the cops.

The more I think about it, the more I blame most of the horrible events that take place in this movie on these two cops (and their superiors). Had they worked by better standards, a lot of the bad things that end up happening in this movie wouldn't have happened. Terrence and Thandie have some race stuff going on within their relationship as well (which I won't be talking about :) Brown people also have race fights; whitey doesn't always have to be involved.

I talked about Luda and Tate already. They're kinda like hipsters in a sense (in spirit). They have a racial commentary/banter throughout the whole movie. They're right about the things that they say (which I'm still not talking about). The prob is that they're also criminals.

Sandra Bullock (who's prob the most racist character in the movie) and Brendan Fraser are also doing their thing in this movie.

They're your stereotypical wealthy white couple. Fraser's character is in politics. There's some juicy race stuff there as well. We'll just ignore all of that.

Tony Danza is surprisingly in this just to be racist. Now, TD is before my time, but I remember him being loveable - no?? That's what makes it weird. Kinda like if Stephen Colbert swung through a movie briefly just to drop an N-bomb or something.

Michael Pena is here, because... he's on the short list of Latinos that Hollywood knows.

I think this movie was his big shot (which he killed). Look him, he’s acting his ass off. His mouth opened so wide... that’s acting! He's also the only character in this movie who's NOT an asshole. He's actually a good guy. Even in the midst of people being very openly racist towards him, he remains calm and collected. He has a daughter who is scared, and so he gives her an invisible cloak that has a supernatural, imaginary ability to make her invulnerable. She then puts it on and immediately runs into traffic... and you know... BOOM!

I'm joking. But, that could have happened. Parents, don't lie to your children.

There's a scene where she does face some danger as a result of this lie. Spoiler alert, she makes it. Maybe it was the power of Saint Chris. Though she appears to be the only one that he saves in this flick. Seems like every time the good ol saint Christopher appears, someone pulls out a gun. Patron Saint of Gun Violence.

Fun fact: Michael Pena is also a scientologist. See, they're not all like T.Cruise - don't be so prejudice:)

Watch, there's going to be a story about some awful scientology weirdness on Pena’s part, the second I post this.

That's uh... not a great summary of the plot. It's an awful summary, actually. If you look up the summary on wikipedia, it pretty much does the same thing I did - just talk through the people involved in this picture.

This movie is like a game of 52 pickup - only the game is played with a deck of race cards.

If you're a person who doesn't think much about race issues, but is open to hearing about them, then this movie will possibly be enlightening for you.

If you're the type of person who has been actively avoiding race talk (and who typically avoids deep talks like that) Then, this def isn't the movie for you.

If you are racist, and somehow keep reading my posts... Imma pray for you, cuz this movie beating you over the head with race is only going to fuel you're... "special, hateful beliefs".

As for me... this time around I was indifferent towards this movie. I can see why I adored this movie back in the day. I enjoy deep talks about this kind of stuff, and we (me and my circle of peeps) prob weren't talking much about these kind of topics, openly, in the early/mid 2000's. But, as a movie... meh.

There is a touching moment when there is a literal crash

wait...

My finding pics game has been way off today.

CRASH!

There's real humanity. Two characters come face to face with mortality, and all of the bullshit is pushed aside in efforts to secure rescue. But, then, after that moment, we go right back to the bullshit. Nothing really changes. The movie notices that they missed a few race cards, and continue on with their game.

I remember tearing up the first time that I watched this movie. I don't know whether my girlfriend and I were fighting that may have caused those tears. Or maybe her breath was stanky with onions (while trying to make-out with me in the theatre) that brought me to fight some tears. Or maybe 15 years later, I've become a heartless SOB, but outside of that crash scene, the only time I was moved was when Sandra Bullock fell down some stairs.

- moved to laughter.

It still makes me laugh. That's my fav part of the movie for sure. I wish that they had ended the movie there.

She's spread out at the bottom of the steps. And then a silent roll of the credits. It would have made just as much sense as the actual ending. She DOES however end up being ok, and less racist, as a result... somehow.

So, if any of you know someone who's super racist ("coughtrump") and notice that they're near some steps... do your part. We'll end racism one flight of stairs at a time.

In the end, this movie is about diverse groups of one dimensional assholes, who complain about everything (even the rich, white people... cuz we all know how hard their lives are), and through sappy music and a lack of learning from some contrived moments, make little progress towards peace.

Totally unrealistic. In real life, we get shit done!

Grade: A/D/A

A for the race talk (which hopefully I was successful in not talking about:)

D for... just about everything else...

... and another A for Sandra Bullock’s tumble down the stairs.

#crash #john praphit #praphitproductions.com #Movie Reviews #Sandra Bullock #brendan fraser #race talk #racism #praphit #michael pena #saint christopher #jennifer esposito #bahar soomekr #racist #black lives matter #ludacris #larenz tate

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girls-scenarios · 5 years

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Girl Group Fic Rec

A/N: Because I feel bad that I’m not going to be posting much this week. Please enjoy these fics while I suffer through the last week of classes and four major papers. - Admin Kiwi

Twice

Bedside Manner - Nayeon/Jeongyeon - T - Jeongyeon ends up breaking the record for most visits to the hospital in a month. She claims she's doing it for the challenge, but her friends are pretty sure it has more to do with a certain nurse she keeps running into.

Actions Speak Louder - Nayeon/Jeongyeon - T - Fate normally sounds romantic, but Nayeon is beginning to think that it's a curse in the form of this damned mystery girl in her class. College!AU

in the mood for love - Chaeyoung/Tzuyu - Chaeyoung often laughed as if nobody were watching, and Tzuyu now understood when Teresa Teng sang of smiles being comparable to flowers blooming on a sweet, Spring day.

louder - Nayeon/Jeongyeon - jeongyeon marvelled at the way nayeon made her feel like everything was alright with the world.and even if it wasn’t, that’s fine too. because they could take on the world someday, so long as they were in this together. (based on jeongyeon's part-time job at the bakery that she had while she was a trainee.)

get off free. - Nayeon/Momo, Mina/Sana - M - placing the bloodied knife down onto the oak table, nayeon blinks once, taking a deep breath in. well, fuck. serial killer au.

The Great Fog of 1893 - Jihyo/Tzuyu - T/M(?) - Vampire!AU - The last dairy entries of Miss Park Jihyo, regarding the events leading up to her disappearance, in 1893.

points and theories - Chaeyoung/Tzuyu - G - chaeyoung loves math, and, although tzuyu doesn’t always understand, chaeyoung finds a way to make it simple

sugar, we’re going down - Tzuyu/Jihyo, Nayeon/Jeongyeon, Dahyun/Chaeyoung, Momo/Sana - M - "look!" nayeon's mouth is right at her ear. tzuyu doesn't even need to back away, because the volume's just right. "the purple-haired one, right at the front. apparently she's part veela."

Afterglow - Mina/Chaeyoung, Nayeon/Momo, Sana/Dahyun, Jihyo/Tzuyu - T -Twice/X-Men AU. After discovering she has the power of hypnosis, Mina is sent off by her parents to a hidden school for the gifted in Korea where she will be safe from anyone attempting to harness her powers as a weapon. There, Mina befriends eight other girls, each with extraordinary powers of their own, that will help her to come to terms with being a mutant, as well as help her learn to control her powers, which can be detrimental, even deadly, to those around her.

Another Pretty Face - Nayeon/Mina - G - Nayeon’s used to imagining herself in healthy relationships with beautiful strangers she sees on the streets. Mina’s an interesting character who keeps showing up in her life from time to time.

Nightswimming - Nayeon/Jeongyeon - T - Nayeon is first. She's the best. She's always the best. Until she's fourth. 2yeon swimming AU; in which Nayeon is the star of the college swim team and Jeongyeon is her roommate.

Compliment - Momo/Sana - G - Three times Momo complimented Sana thinking she didn’t know japanese and the one time Sana returned the compliment

Game - Nayeon/Jeongyeon, Sana/Dahyun, Momo/Mina - T - It's finally Jeongyeon's year. She's finally the starting pitcher and she's got this. At least she thinks she does. But the opposing team's head cheerleader, Im Nayeon has different plans.

A guide to handling the girl who makes you write Batman on her coffee cup. - Jihyo/Momo - G - In which Jihyo is a barista and Momo has way too much fun coming up with weird names.

Green Tea - Jeongyeon/Sana - G - Jeongyeon needs to focus on her essay for class buts it’s pretty hard when her crush is looking sad and ill in the next room. Jeongyeon can’t act on it they’re unwritten rules about falling in love with your housemates. Right?

LOONA

On That Day, I Wished It Would Blossom in the Sun - Kim Lip/JinSoul - T - In which Jungeun is the local florist and Jinsoul is the tattoo artist down the road whose smile renders Jungeun speechless, leaves her desperately searching for wherever the air in her lungs went. She thinks Jinsoul took it with her.

the coloring book - Yves/Chuu - G - sooyong was never good with children, and although she loves her niece yeojin, she wasn't particularly happy to pick her up from kindergarten. little did she know she'd meet someone really, really special there.

Drowning In You - Kim Lip/JinSoul - lifeguard jungeun saves popular girl Jinsoul from drowning. feelings may or may not have ensued.

Goal - Hyunjin/Choerry (rare pairing!) - G - Friend asked for Hyunrry AU, and this is what happened. Soccer! and Highschool!AU

Wake Up Call (It's Like Holding Hands) - Hyunjin/Heejin, background Haseul/Vivi, Yves/Chuu, Kim Lip/Jinsoul, Olivia Hye/Go Won - G - “Happy Halloween, hoes,” is the first thing Yeojin says at exactly twelve midnight, before dumping a box of spiders onto Chaewon’s head. Or, Hyunjin is in love with Heejin. Yeojin tries to "help". Just another day in the LOONA dorm.

if you were also looking for me - Yves/Chuu (and background ships) - T - The annual talent show auditions are being managed by none other than Jiwoo's mortal enemy, it's snowing in September, and Jiwoo may or may not have vague magical powers. But hey, it's junior year: anything may as well happen, right? Featuring: teenage angst, social media, bathroom graffiti, magic-induced fainting, unhealthy amounts of obliviousness, truly awful pickup lines (courtesy of one Heejin Jeon), and the worst recorded snowstorm in history.

But My Heart is Like Paper (You're Too Good To Be True) - Go Won/Olivia Hye - Hyejoo looks at the little paper crane, spies the telltale pencil markings on its wings from where she had written her algebra work down before folding it. Gingerly, she picks it up, smiles to herself as she pinches its neck and tail, pushing and pulling, watching the paper crane’s wings go up and down. A light bulb flickers on in her head .Or, Hyejoo just wants to brighten Chaewon's week, so she folds her origami every day and hopes it's enough to bring a smile. Highschool!AU

Truth//Dare - All popular ships - G - All Jung Jinsol wants to do is take the train home after school. But when it breaks down, leaving her and 11 other girls stuck in a compartment, what's a girl to do but play a few rounds of Truth or Dare?

stole my napkins and my heart - Haseul/Vivi - G - Haseul wonders what exactly it is about the napkins at the cafe she works at that makes them worth stealing, and wonders what exactly to call the little leap her heart does when she sees the napkin thief.

Gonna fly now - Go Won/Olivia Hye - G - Truthfully, the boxing club had been their very last hope. Hyejoo had tried everything from football to swimming along with a impressive number of martial arts but after each she’d shrugged her shoulders and said she didn’t felt like playing it again and her parents had sighed and said let’s try something else then. But then Hyejoo enters the boxing club and while her parents starts chatting with the coach her sight immediately settles on the tiny girl with the long black hair who’s hitting a punching bag in a corner of the room like she wants it dead. She can’t seem to be able to stop watching.

tempting - Haseul/Vivi - T - Vivi hated this part of her job. Angel/Devil Au

what stays below, what flies above - Haseul/Vivi - Story behind Queen Vivian's favorite painting.

you make loving fun - Haseul/Vivi - G - Kahei desperately needs a date take to her parents’ company event so they won’t set her up with another “appropriate suitor”. Of course, she does what everyone in their right mind would do—she talks her long-time crush into being her fake girlfriend for the weekend. What could possibly go wrong?

cheating - Haseul/JinSoul - T - Soulmate AU where whatever your soulmate writes on their skin, it appears on yours too. And Haseul's soulmate loves to cheat on her exams.

there's sunshine in your smile - Chuu/Kim Lip - G - “She has the hots for Kim Jiwoo. Ran out midway to get her flowers and everything,” Sooyoung reports, flinching when Jungeun glares at her and raises her fist. Haseul has to step in between them to break up the impending fight. With Sooyoung cackling this much, it wouldn’t be long before Jungeun actually punched her anyway. Or: Jiwoo sings like an angel, and Jungeun runs out mid-concert to get flowers for the girl who moved her with just her voice.

steal my heart, too - Kim Lip/JinSoul - G - At first, Jinsol isn’t quite sure what to think as she watches a chubby Shiba Inu walk into her small pet store via the motion detector door because… well, the dog’s owner is nowhere to be seen. Jinsol just stares as the tiny dog struts up to one of the shelves, taking hold of a small bag of treats in its mouth. Amused, Jinsol just keeps watching as the dog walks out of the store. Wait, Jinsol thinks, I’ve just been shoplifted by a dog.

santa baby - Olivia Hye/? - G - it’s not until the fourth time that hyejoo gets suspicious. or,on the first day of december hyejoo finds a small present packed neatly on her desk. and the gifts keep on coming.

Red Velvet

Debugging - Irene/Seulgi - T - Irene is a game developer struggling to analyze what everything meant. Seulgi is a barista who thought she knew it all. Very loosely based on the web drama Game Development Girls.

Let’s Fall In Love For The Night - Irene/Wendy - T - Wendy catches the eye of a certain senior after a performance and a fall.

parties, smiles, and ice cream - Irene/Wheein (Mamamoo) - irene finds herself interested in a girl who owns a sketchbook, likes oversized sweaters, and doesn't mind strawberries at a not so interesting party.

a game is better when played by two - Irene/Seulgi - G - Kang Seulgi always sits beside the same girl on the bus ride home. Or where in Seulgi and Irene are two grown ass women who are passionate about playing mobile games.

Inside This Place is Warm - Irene/Seulgi - G - Irene is a barista at her university's coffee shop, and she just so happens to be the object of someone's affection. The only problem is that no one is quite sure who that "someone" is. This is where Seulgi and her friends come in. Or, in which Irene's a senior in college and she loses her mind over her beautiful neighbor, who she talks to far too often for it to be healthy.

IZ*ONE

it was such a sight, but it was just fluorescent high rises - Chaewon/Minjoo - G - minjoo discovers something about chaewon she shouldn't haveor in which it took her quite the time to get used in seeing her smile. highschool!au

of spells and potions - Chaewon/Minjoo, Yujin/Wonyoung - G - In-progress - Everybody in Hogwarts thinks the same of Yujin, Minju and Chaewon.They want to be friends with Yujin, want to date Minju, and want to never cross paths with Chaewon. /aka that hogwarts au no one asked for

Just Who the Hell Do You Think I Am? - Yena/Hyewon - G - Hyewon starts to regret so much about her life when her tinder date gets bundled into the back of a police car before she sets foot inside the restaurant.

Flavour of the Month - Hitomi/Nayoung (Produce 48/Banana Culture) - G - Nayoung suffers a heartbreak and someone makes her heart race

i told you so - Eunbi/Hyewon, side Chaeyeon/Sakura - T - “Why are you guys arguing over the last condom if you’re both lesbians?” Yena asks. Eunbi and Hyewon both go beet red, avoiding eye contact. “Well, I mean, it’s always good to be safe,” Eunbi tries, but a lightbulb goes off in Yena’s head and she says “ohhhhh,” very loudly, wiggling her eyebrows. “I don’t get it,” Chaewon says. Eunbi thinks she might die of embarrassment. Or, Hyewon is a figure skater and Eunbi is an ice hockey player. They meet at the Winter Olympics in a rather unconventional way, but it turns out alright.

Stay Right There - Eunbi/Hyewon - Eunbi could only wish to be as carefree as Hyewon, instead of being the next CEO of Kwon Enterprises.

Mornings - Hitomi/Chaewon - Hitomi would always sneak up to the other dorm just to cuddle with Chaewon after their schedules.

Sweeter Than Fiction - Yena/Yuri - In-progress - Right in the moment Yuri met Choi Yena in that chat room, she knew the girl was gonna be someone important in her life or, Yuri being absolutely whipped by Yena since the first time they talked to each other and her rollercoaster ride going through feelings while being a broke college student with lots of responsibilities

Zone Wars - G - IZ*ONE's gamer line plays games to mixed results. Sakura taunts, Hyewon wins, Yena complains, and Minju just wants to be included.

BlackPink

And Fall - Jisoo/Lisa - G - Her eyes, behind the lenses catching the veiled sunlight that must be blinding her, are so unguarded, glittering like quick little honey droplets. A gentle, thoughtless smile remains on her lips, even in the absence of an answer. It was hard enough resisting sweet underclassman Lisa, with her bleach-damaged hair and limbs far too long, movements far too sharp, for her body. But this? A gorgeously content Lisa, grown into herself and oblivious of the effect she has on the world, smiling at Jisoo so tenderly it must be a crime? Damn near impossible.

From every Sunday evening to every Sunday night - Jennie/Lisa - G - Lisa wants Jennie to know the way she feels about her, so she writes her a note every day of the week.

CLC

Pumpkin spice with an undecent ammount of cream - Sorn/Seunghee - G - Seasons were only the background for companies to ask for money: “hey! Do you want to be like that girl, long curly hair, perfect make up, that is looking through the window as autumn settles in? Then come buy here! Everything is orange, red, maroon and brown and it tastes like pumpkin!” Seasons could suck Sorn’s toe for all they were worth. “And what would you like today?” “A pumpkin spice latte, please.” Or where Sorn has this big crush on a barista.

like a cat - Yujin/Yeeun - G - Yeeun is a very, very tired college student. She doesn't believe her eyes when she sees a large cat dancing in the middle of a shopping centre. She didn't even know cats could dance. Yujin works at a cat cafe and sometimes has to wear a cat costume to advertise the cafe at the mall. One day, a very tired and loud girl stops to watch Yujin dance.

late groceries - Elkie/Sorn - G - sure it was too late for that, but still, they really needed their groceries. it was Urgent.

unexpected - Yujin/Yeeun - G - yeeun entered the building waiting for a job, and left with a soulmate.

Dancing with our hands tied - Sorn/Yeeun - T - A bet, an unforgettable night, and a really regretful Yeeun.

Weki Meki

trying to find an island in the flood - Doyeon/Yoojung - G - It is not the first time Yoojung has climbed into Doyeon’s bed, but it feels different, when Yoojung sticks her feet under the warmth of the blankets and Doyeon’s arms wrap around her almost instantly. “Sometimes,” Doyeon begins, absentmindedly tucking a strand of hair behind Yoojung’s ear, “I feel like I’ve already met my soulmate. But other times, I’m not sure, you know?” Something twists uncomfortably in Yoojung’s stomach and she swallows.

it's my favorite business interaction - Rina/Lucy - "Doyeon unnie, as much as I appreciate this, I'm seventeen. When am I going to need this?" "Interviews," Doyeon says offhandedly. "What… kind of interviews…?" "Like your date with Hyojung," Yoojung helpfully supplies. "That's sort of an interview." "Who said I was going on a date with Hyojung?"

Win Again - Doyeon/Somi (i.o.i, soloist) - G - High school heartthrob Jeon Somi's taekwondo team gets a budget cut for the cheerleading team's new uniforms. She has mixed feelings about their future captain, Kim Doyeon.

ten reasons why - Lua/Rina - G - Soeun lists down ten reasons why she hates Sookyung.

fromis_9

the dazzling you, the angelic you - Saerom/Gyuri - G - Beautiful, breathtaking, alluring. That’s what Saerom was. And Gyuri couldn't bring herself to take her eyes off of her, ever.

despacito - Seoyeon/Jiwon - G - it’s this moment, seoyeon thinks, that her idol training has been preparing her for. that is, singing an extremely romantic song in front of the girl who you’ve liked for several months, who also happens to look extremely attractive right now.

the sun was in my eyes (the sun was in her smile) - M - Saerom/Gyuri, Saerom/Hayoung "So, how did you and Gyuri meet?" Hayoung asks.Saerom should be more prepared than this. She has an email in her outbox sent to [email protected] with the subject line important backstory details for a reason. "Through Chaeyoung, the intern?" "Well, you guys look cute together," Hayoung says, giving Saerom an enthusiastic nod. (a buzzfeed AU)

Finding Solace - Saerom/Gyuri - G - Forest sprite Gyuri keeps finding a girl going back to the forest.

Pristin

all my nights taste like gold - Eunwoo/Rena - G - yaebin looked around quickly, but no one was looking at them. "you shouldn't call me that. if they hear you--" "you're always gonna be kang yaebin to me, dummy," eunwoo interrupted. "if they don't like it they can answer to me.”yaebin felt a rush of warmth in her chest, like she was comfortable in her own skin for the first time in years. she had almost forgotten that eunwoo always made her feel that way.

I'm Your Girl ? - Rena/Roa - T “Do you want to know what’s on my mind right now then?” Minkyung asked slowly. Yebin looked back at her and nodded. “It’s you. It’s almost always you,”

falling, falling, falling (for you, you, you) - Kyulkyung/Eunwoo - it's like everything in jieqiong's life shifts into place, while also simultaneously crumbles, within five seconds.

Another Halloween - Yuha/Eunwoo - G - Kyungwon and Eunwoo spend their Halloween together, like always

WJSN

of course the snake would hate the lion - Luda/Eunseo - T - son juyeon, a muggleborn, was incompatible with lee luda, a girl that grew up with her parents telling her that muggles were inferior than them. when she sees herself being target of juyeon's jokes and attention, she thinks she's in hell. she really hates the younger girl, she's pretty sure of that, but when juyeon's get involved in a quidditch accident, luda started to care more than the normal about the other's well being.

Dreamcatcher

Summer Dream - Yoohyeon/Dami - T - Ever since she was little, Yoohyeon has spent her summers lazing away at the country club pool. Funny enough, despite spending so much time there, she never learned to swim. This summer there’s a hot new lifeguard in town who Yoohyeon is helplessly crushing on. When Yoohyeon’s genius of a best friend flings her in the pool in order to try and catch her crush’s attention, another girl ends up saving her from drowning and stealing her heart in the process…

close to you - Yoohyeon/Siyeon, SuA/JiU - T - Kim Yoohyeon has two goals for this school year: to get the solo at the school concert and to enjoy her life alone in her new apartment. Both of these goals are crossed by Lee Siyeon, Yoohyeon's biggest rival since middle school, when unfortunate circumstances lead to them having to share more than just their passion for singing...

A Date in Stilettos - Yoohyeon/Dami, SuA/Siyeon - Blind dates aren't supposed to be amazing.

Traffic Duty - Yoohyeon/Dami - T - Officer Lee Yoobin has the most boring shift ever, or she thinks she does.

One Of The Nightmares - Handong/Yoohyeon - T - Yoohyeon often has nightmares while sleeping and while awake. Handong is always there to bring her back from them.

half my bones - JiU/Siyeon - T - when siyeon wakes up, she finds herself in a garden of lilies. Hanahaki Disease.

i want it, i got it - Yoohyeon/Dami - E - Yoobin has quite a few feelings about Yoohyeon's outfit from the performance of 7 Rings.

#girl group fic rec #kpop fic rec #twice #loona #red velvet #blackpink #clc #iz*one #long post #fromis_9 #weki meki #dreamcatcher

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k-llama-llama · 5 years

Text

Couple Things

Monsta X AU: 8th member

Zoey x Monsta X

25 Days of Zoey: Day 24

Zoey hangs out with Changkyun, and later reveals a secret that they’d both been trying to hide.

A/N: no links in my posts until tumblr sorts itself out.DM me or head over to my ask box!

Please submit your requests to my Ask Box!!

“Can we please go in?” Zoey begged.

“Z!” Changkyun groaned. “It’s an event for couples. We are not going in. Is it really worth it?”

“I want to decorate a mug!” She insisted. “C’mon, just pretend to be my boyfriend.”

“If we get recognized our company is going to kill us.”

“But we’ll have snazzy mugs.” She pointed out.

“Urgh, fine. Let’s go.”

Zoey looped her hand through his and pulled him into the little pottery shop.

“Hello!” She greeted the shop keeper cheerfully.

“Hello! Are you here for our event? It’s a couples-only event, decorate one mug and get the other one free.”

“Yup! That’s us! A couple! Here to decorate mugs!” Zoey exclaimed, with a little two much enthusiasm.

“Just sit right down at the table there, and I’ll get everything set up for you. You can hang up your coats right over here.” The lady directed.

“Can you hang up my coat, Kyunnie?” Zoey winked at him.

“No, Z, I can’t.”

She stamped on his foot, scared he would alert the shop keeper to their lie.

“OW! Sorry, what I meant to say was, Jagiya, can I hang up your coat for you?”

“Sure.” She grinned. “Thanks for asking.”

She sat down at the table, chatting with the lady politely as Changkyun came back and took the seat across from her.

“Alright!” The lady clapped her hands. “We’ve got all sorts of paints here. You just decorate the mugs for each other, and then we bake them and you can pick them up in a few weeks.”

“Sounds good!” Zoey smiled kindly as the lady walked away.

“We decorate them for each other?” Changkyun whined.

“Yes! It’ll be fun!” She leaned close to his face. “Unless you think you’re going to lose.”

“Oh, you’re going down.”

An hour later, Changkyun spun his final creating around.

“Holy shit.” Zoey breathed.

He’d painted the first few bars of Trespass all around the cup, making it look like the bars of music wove around and around.

“I win.” He beamed.

Zoey looked down at her own mug, which she’d revealed a few minutes ago. She’d thought that her reindeer wearing headphones mug was cool, and she’d even written his name on it. But he had still definitely won.

She sighed. “What do you want your prize to be?”

“You can pay.”

She rolled her eyes, but stood anyways. She quickly payed the lady, who promised to give them a call as soon as their mugs were available for pickup. She also gave Zoey a brochure, so that she’d have the number to call if she needed.

Changkyun came up behind Zoey and tossed an arm around her shoulders, handing her her coat. “You good to go, babe?”

Zoey gave him what she hoped was a loving look. “Sure. Do you want to go get food?”

The second they were out of the store, Changkyun’s arm released Zoey.

“I can’t believe we did that.”

“What?” She asked. “It isn’t like we had to make out or anything. I just wanted a free mug.”

“You’re a little scammer.” He teased. “C’mon, let’s get home.”

Zoey kicked her shoes off as soon as they stepped through the door of the apartment, hurrying to bury herself under the blanket on the couch with Hyungwon.

“Your hands are cold!” He protested as she snuggled up next to him.

“I’m cold. You’re warm. Accept the cuddles.”

All of the boys were gathered in the living room, eating some leftover chicken and watching TV. Changkyun sat himself on the floor next to Kihyun, huddling close to the vent to keep warmer.

“Did you have fun today?” Wonho asked absentmindedly.

They both nodded.

“It was good.” Zoey said, focusing on the television.

“Hey, Z?” Jooheon asked.

“Yeah?”

“What’s that?”

They both realized what he was looking at a second too late, as all of the boys turned their attention to it.

“You went to a couples event?” Shownu demanded.

Changkyun shook his head. “We didn’t!”

“No, we did.” Zoey told them honestly. “I wanted a free mug.”

“So you pretended to be a couple?” Kihyun asked.

Changkyun shook his head. “I mean, I guess. But we didn’t kiss or anything. It wasn’t anything weird.”

“Not that that would be a big deal. We’ve kissed before.”

Zoey felt seven pairs of eyes on her a second before she realized what she’d said. Her hands flew to her mouth, eyes going wide as she realized what had just happened.

“YOU KISSED!” Kihyun screeched.

“Uh, a little?” She answered nervously.

“You kissed Im Changkyun? Our groupmate?” Shownu clarified.

She nodded sheepishly.

“When?” Shownu demanded.

“Before the Shine Forever music video. I was nervous about my kiss.”

Changkyun was trying to crawl away.

A hand landed on his ankle and dragged him back.

“YOU KISSED HER?” Kihyun shouted.

“No! She kissed me! I mean...we mutually kissed each other. Platonically!” He sputtered, trying to free himself from his hyung’s death grip on his ankle.

“She’s just a baby, Changkyun. How could you do that?” Wonho scolded.

“Was it like a long kiss?” Hyungwon asked quietly, distracting everybody.

“Good point.” Minhyuk commented. “Was there tongue?”

“If there was tongue I am going to kill you.” Kihyun said sternly.

“No! Shownu! Help!”

Shownu shook his head. “If there was tongue, I am going to let Kihyun kill you.”

“Boys!” Zoey shouted. “I kissed him. For practice. He didn’t want to. There was no tongue, no groping...”

“I didn’t even think about groping.” Wonho smacked himself in the forehead.

“I groped nothing!” Changkyun screamed.

“Kihyun, let him go.” Zoey ordered. He reluctantly did as she said. “Listen, it was nothing, and it was years ago, anyways. So just ignore it.”

“I’m not ignoring anything until you promise not to kiss anybody ever again.” Kihyun told her.

“Well that’s not happened.” She told him seriously.

“Better idea,” Shownu said. “I’m not ignoring anything until you promise never to kiss Zoey again!” He said pointedly to Changkyun.

The youngest boy nodded frantically. “Never again. Ew, I’m not doing that.”

“You said I was a good kisser, though?” Zoey protested, finding slight joy in egging the situation on.

“Zoey!” He begged. “Please stop.”

“Yes, please stop.” Wonho begged.

“Whatever.” Zoey rolled her eyes. “I am a good kisser. Minhyuk, kiss me.”

“No.” He recoiled. “Why?”

“To prove my point.”

Hyungwon wrapped her head in the blanket. “Is this better for everyone?”

“Yes!” They all chorused.

“Joke is on you losers, I’m warm as hell in here.”

Changkyun made eye contact with Wonho as he mouthed the words ‘I’m going to kill you’.

He rubbed his hands together and begged for his life.

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hallodraws · 6 years

Text

Silkster | A Spider Story (03)

Wordcount: 1,542

Summary: “In September 2018, NYC, college student Jonas Jaeger reels from his first experience with Spider-Man - only to realize his night with the spider is not yet over. Wait till Peter hears about this!”

Warnings: Light language, Very minor mention of injury

Author’s Notes: Part 3 of my story for my MCU OC, Silkster. While I love Infinity Wars, Spider-Man: Homecoming, etc, I love the rich history of the comics as well and wanted to write my own “Universe”. This is just for fun and I love researching all the different variations of the Spider-Man characters to compose my own story. Hopefully, you guys enjoy reading along and I can share more of this story and Universe (and maybe art too?) as it develops along the way. Welcome to part 3. ♡

『 03 』

It didn't take me long to get to the diner. I probably would've made it there faster if I didn't spend so much time staring at the tops of buildings, looking for that same flash of red looking back at me. Regardless, I made it. It was a cute little place called "Minnie's Diner." I looked inside to see if the place was open. Through the windows, I could tell it had a bit of a retro theme; with the brightly colored decor, checkerboard floor tiles, a neon jukebox in the back, and a colorful "Closed" sign on the door to complete the look. Damn. Still, I made a mental note to come back here again during their open hours.

It looked like their lights were still somewhat on, and there were a couple cars still in the lot, so I wasn't completely alone. I decided that sitting on the bench by the entrance would be a smarter and safer option than waiting out in the practically empty parking lot. As much as I secretly hoped it would summon Spider-Man again, I didn't want to risk becoming a target for other muggers. I'd prefer not encounter any more inner-city crime for the night.

I pulled out my phone and went through the favorites in my contacts until I found Peter - placed at number three right under "Mom" and "Gwen." I guess I could've called Gwen to come to pick me up, but she and the band had rehearsal tonight for their upcoming show, and I didn't want to interfere. Peter, on the other hand, told me he had nothing going on tonight. He loved talking about this kind of stuff, so I thought he'd get a kick out of my one-on-one experience with Spider-Man. I just prayed Peter was still awake as I pressed the call button. It was pretty late. He didn't answer right away, but before I lost hope and hung up, I finally heard him call out on the other end.

"Jonas! H-Hey, what's up?" He sounded a little funny, "What are you doing up? How did your date go?"

"Hey, Pete. Uh... Not great. It's kind of a long story," I didn't really know how to start the conversation, "Do you think you could pick me up?"

"Me?" Peter sounded surprised, "Y-Yeah! I think I could do that! Where are you?"

"Some diner called 'Minnie's.' I'll send you the location." and I did just that.

"Oh! That's not that far at all. I'll borrow Aunt May's truck and be there soon.

I tried to thank him, but he had already hung up. Peter seemed weird tonight. But to be honest, Peter always was acting at least a little odd. It was charming in a way and was one of the reasons we got along so well. He was different from most of the know-it-alls at Empire State University. Don't get me wrong, he's incredibly smart, and probably does in fact "know it all," but he didn't let that define him as a person. He was friendly, funny, and overall just a really genuine person that I enjoyed being around.

It didn't take long for Peter to show up in May's pickup. Peter always looked so happy when he got to drive it. I still remember the day when May got that truck. It was actually a gift for Peter when he started college. I was the one that had to keep Peter away from the house while May drove it home and put a big bow on it. It was by no means in excellent condition, but it was all she could afford. That didn't matter to Peter. Once we got back to his place and he saw May honking excitedly in the driveway, it placed the biggest smile I've ever seen on Peter's face.

Unfortunately, it didn't last. May got into a pretty bad accident maybe a week or so after. She was unscathed, thank god, but her car was another story. It was a wreck and in the end, couldn't be saved. Peter, being the good guy that he his, gave his "new" truck back to his aunt. She felt awful, but he said it was no big deal and that she needed it more than he did. Despite everything, I could tell he was still secretly bummed out at the situation. It was moments like this when he'd get to use the truck when you could see that childlike excitement back on his face again.

I walked to the truck, smiling at Peter as he waved at me from the driver's seat. I hopped in, and before I could even shut the door, Peter began.

"Hey!" he piped happily, "So what happened? To your date, I mean. Did you have fun?"

"It... didn't happen," I could tell my face dropped just a bit, "He never showed up."

"Wait, really?" Peter leaned forward, the cushion of the driver's seat squeaking beneath him, "You got stood up?"

"Yeah." I was fine before, still high off the excitement from meeting a hero. But having Peter say that reminded me why I was in that situation in the first place. I didn't know what to say, and Peter could tell. He reached across the cup holder between us, placing his hand on mine.

"I-I'm sorry, man. That's messed up." I could feel his thumb move in little circles, "Did he at least text you why? Maybe something came up."

"No, he didn't. But, Kyle posted a picture of him and his friends at a movie premiere at the mall, so I'm guessing he forgot or...maybe I'm just not "up there" on the list of importance." I took my hand back and half-jokingly made my hands look like two levels - the movie premiere representing the top hand, myself being the hand below.

"I get it! That new dinosaur movie looked pretty cool. I would've bailed to see it too." I joked. Peter didn't think that was funny and put his hand on my shoulder instead this time.

"Well, then his list must be broken. Movie or not, he really missed out on a great time tonight." again, Peter's thumb rubbed gently on my shoulder. I think it was something he just did without thinking, but it was still oddly calming and pleasant.

"Thanks, Pete. But--!" I guess I piped a little loudly. I noticed Peter jump ever so slightly, so I tried to decrease my volume, "My night wasn't all bad, depending on how you look at it."

"O-Oh?" Peter's voice began to quiver, I wasn't exactly sure why.

"You'll never believe it! I met Spider-Man!" I couldn't contain myself anymore.

"You did? Wow!" Peter leaned back, eyes wide, "What happened? And what did you think of him?"

"I--" I stopped. I realized I was at a loss for words. What did I think of Spider-Man? Naturally, I had a high opinion of him for saving my life, but how exactly could I put that to words? Peter looked like he was on the edge of his seat waiting to hear more. I knew this would get him excited.

"Well," I took a deep breath and started once more, "I think he's great. Great for the city, great for the people, and..." I felt my face flush. I looked at the door, away from Peter. I never talked to him about stuff like this before. It was kind of embarrassing, "...I just think he's really... great. He saved my life tonight, you know?"

"H-He did?" Peter looked like he was lost in the details of my story, "What happened?"

"I got mugged," I instantly saw concern come across his face, so I tried to lighten the mood, "I'm fine, relax! Spider-Man took care of the guy before anything terrible happened. He even got this back for me." I held up my newly repaired bracelet, unknowingly flashing my injury underneath.

"Jonas! That looks like it hurts!" he seemed to ignore the bracelet, reaching for my arm.

I let him examine my scratch, hoping it would calm him down, "I'm fine, Pete. It doesn't really hurt anymore."

"Still, it looks like it needs to be cleaned up." Peter trailed his fingers over my wrist, looking at the dry spots of blood speckled around the area, "My place isn't far. Let me take a better look and clean this for you. You can tell me more about Spider-Man when we get there." He smirked. How could I say no?

"If it'll make you feel better, okay Pete." I returned his grin, holding my wrist in my hand. As he started the car, I noticed Peter's smile not fading even a bit. I wondered why he was so happy. Was it that his night got to be more eventful then he had previously planned? Was he excited to hear more details about Spider-Man? Or was it just because we finally got to spend some much needed time together? We've both been busy, me with my gallery work and him with his tutoring, so we haven't had a lot of time to hang out together. I was glad. Tonight might not have gone as I had hoped, but it certainly was looking up.

『 Previous | Part 02 』『 Next | Part 04 』

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i-say-vol-you-say-tron · 6 years

Text

Voltron Headcanons Pt. 2

People liked my first part, so here I am back at it with the Voltron Headcanons.

Matt is the type of person that kisses people when he’s really excited. Shiro found this out the hard way, but he expects it now. The first time Matt did it in front of Team Voltron, everyone freaked out except for Pidge and Shiro, who were used to it. Lance and Keith thought they were dating for a whole month before Shiro, incredibly red-faced, cleared it up.

Allura could benchpress Shiro if he’d let her.

Shiro still doesn’t know that Keith got kicked out of the Garrison. Lance almost mentioned it and Keith tackled him to the floor.

Everyone just assumes that Keith has no family back on Earth, but his dad is actually alive and well. Keith hadn’t spoken to him since leaving the Garrison, leaving him with a cryptic message of “I can’t come home just yet.” His father knew that one day he’d make it to space, but he assumed that it would be when Keith learned the truth about his mother and went willingly. He’s still waiting for Keith to come home.

Keith got booted from the Garrison because he punched Iverson in the face for saying that Shiro was dead and that he was never a good pilot anyway if he’d made such a rookie mistake [Edit: I DIDNT THINK THIS WAS ACTUALLY CANON!].

Matt and Keith know each other from the Garrison, but not that well.

Lance only beat Keith in one thing back at the Garrison - target practise. Lance hit the bullseye dead on almost every time, while Keith missed horribly. Keith doesn’t know that Lance was the one that beat him, and Lance is saving that information to serve as blackmail one day.

Shiro and Matt know morse code and use it constantly. Unknown to them, Pidge knows it too and has to stifle laughter when they’re being idiots.

Keith and Lance know sign language. Keith had been taught due to his habit of becoming easily overwhelmed, and he would be unable to form coherent sentences, and uses it to communicate. Lance has a deaf niece. (Autistic Keith is back)

The first time Lance and Keith used sign language around each other, Keith freaked out because he’d signed something to himself as a reminder and Lance replied back to him. The reminder - Lance is actually nice, don’t make fun of Lance. The response - thank you, you’re not so bad yourself.

Hunk and Pidge take bets on who will admit their feelings to the other first - Lance or Keith. Both have their money on Lance, but suspect that it might actually be Keith.

Team Voltron bets on everything.

Hunk only has sisters, no brothers. Two of them to be exact.

Matt kind of panicked when he was reunited with Shiro. Not sure where they stood since they last saw each other, he settled with calling his friend “sir.” He still regrets it, feeling that he downplayed his excitement for being with his best friend again. (He kind of has a crush on him)

Matt gets twitchy when he’s nervous, and ends up fidgeting with whatever’s nearby. Usually it’s spare parts and he ends up making bizarre inventions that even he doesn’t know what they do.

Pidge and Matt are fluent in Rick and Morty. Pidge once told Keith to “get schwifty” and Keith just froze with panic. He looked to Lance, who had no idea what she was talking about. Lance ended up awkwardly doing the macerana. Pidge will not let this incident go.

Never give Matt coffee. Ever.

Once, to stay up and study for exams, Matt downed eight Red Bulls within twenty minutes. He spent most of the day running up and down the halls of their dorm screaming, “I can hear colours Kashi!” Shiro eventually managed to get him inside their room, where Matt was promptly pinned to his bed and sat on until he calmed down. He got perfect on his exam the next day despite his lack of studying. Matt does not let Shiro forget about this.

Allura firmly believes that Matt is Lance’s clone that somehow got infused with Pidge’s DNA. She also secretly finds him adorable in a weird platonic way, like one would find a permanently confused puppy.

Pidge has blackmail material for everyone on the ship except for Hunk. He’s too nice for her to blackmail.

Pidge once hacked into the team’s playlists. The one that surprised her the most was Keith’s, which was full of classical music and slow songs. What she doesn’t know is that they’re his stress relievers.

(I said Matt was gay in the last post, so I’m fixing it now) Matt is bi and flirts with girls a lot even though he prefers guys. He can’t talk to guys at all. He’s also so far in the closet that he’s the king of Narnia - even Pidge doesn’t know. Matt’s fine with the members of Team Voltron because he knows Shiro and he’s like six years older than the others (and Coran is too old) so it would be gross for him to have a crush on any of them. He thinks Allura’s around 25 because of her maturity (she’s 18 but he doesn’t know that).

Any friend of Pidge is a friend of Matt, though the opposite isn’t necessarily true.

Keith has selective memory. He can’t remember dates and definitions very well, but can memorize movie quotes easily. Somehow, he can’t put two and two together and figure out when someone is quoting something. It hits him like two hours later.

When Matt eventually came out to Pidge, it was totally an accident, but worth it. Pidge was complaining that Keith and Lance were in love and that they should’ve kissed already, and she mentioned that she could tell because she had an excellent gay-dar that could detect a gay person a mile away. Matt’s response was to throw a pillow at her head and yell “You lived with my gay ass for fifteen years and you didn’t detect shit!”

Shiro apologized on Matt’s behalf for the coming out incident. He’d known for years - Matt had tried hitting on him when they were just starting to get to know each other. It was awkward and they’d agreed not to speak about it. He’s just as bad with flirting as Lance, possibly even worse.

Keith has long hair because his ears are pointed. He just thought it was a birth defect and he used to get made fun for it. (My friend actually came up with this upon finding out that Keith was part Galra)

Since “awakening” his Blade, Keith’s eyes flash yellow when he’s angry. Lance nearly screamed when they were sparring one day, then proceeded to stammer as he tried to convince an upset Keith that it looked cool.

Keith has a lot of freckles on his back, and recently they’ve been turning a light purple. Keith had initially thought he’d contracted an alien disease and that he was going to die. He freaked out.

Lance once noticed the freckles while they were changing for a bonding session in the training deck’s locker room. He thinks they’re cute. Hunk has a picture of him blushing, though Lance denies the photo exists. Keith is as oblivious as ever.

Lance covers Pidge’s ears whenever someone swears. She then tells him to fuck off, at which Matt covers Shiro’s ears.

Allura and Coran once asked Lance what “fuck” meant. Lance muttered “quiznak” and Allura went pale while Coran started laughing.

Speaking of which, Keith did realize that by telling him to “shut your quiznak,” Lance had basically told him to “shut your fuck.” It clicked to him during training, and he’d almost got impaled because of it. Everyone else thought he was having a seizure because they’d never seen Keith laugh so hard.

Back on Earth, there are several conspiracy theory websites debating whether or not the Kerberos team and the missing Garrison kids are actually alive, what happened to them, and if the two events are somehow connected. One of these websites is run by Lance’s thirteen year old sister.

Pidge managed to hook up one of their Garrison-issued phone to the teledov (I think that’s how you spell it) so they could contact their families at home and tell them that they’re alright. Lance’s phone call consisted of angry, yet concerned, Spanish screaming.

Keith knows like five words in Spanish and completely butchers the pronunciation. Once, Lance was trying to convince the others that “te amo” was actually a swear, and ending up saying it to Keith as a joke. Unfortunately for him, Keith knew what that meant and went incredibly silent, blushing like crazy and responding with a very quiet “mierda.” Lance didn’t speak to him for a week because he was so embarrassed. Hunk couldn’t stop laughing.

To retaliate at Lance’s and Hunk’s secret Spanish conversations (mentioned in Part One), Keith and Shiro sometimes speak to each other in Japanese. Keith only knows the basics, and speaks a little slower, but Shiro is fluent. Pidge and Matt irritably complain that no one on the ship speaks English anymore.

Pidge is not allowed to use the Altean equivalent of a microwave. There is a sticker on it that says “Food only. No science in the microwave.”

Hunk knows lines from Welcome to Night Vale off by heart, and can be oddly philosophical at times when using these. Most of the time it just creeps people out. Allura and Coran like it that for once the others are also clueless as to what’s going on.

Keith, without knowing, accidentally used a pickup line on Lance and everyone lost their shit. Lance was slightly traumatized.

When Keith came out as part Galra, he talked to Shiro privately about it afterwards and asked him what he really felt. Shiro had said it was fine, raising his metal arm and saying “I’m part Galra too.”

Lance, while insulting Keith, off-handedly mentioned that Keith purrs really loud while he was sleeping. Hunk stared at him for a really long time until Lance realized the impact of what he’d just said. Lance reassured him, while panicking, that he and Keith had fallen asleep in the lounge one day. Pidge had more blackmail material within five minutes.

KEITH. PURRS. IN. HIS. SLEEP.

Everyone on the ship wants to know where the fuck Shiro gets eyeliner????

Hunk made a Rover 2.0 for Pidge. She’s determined to keep this one safe at all costs.

Matt puked the first time he went through a wormhole.

Matt called Pidge “Katie” and Lance had a freak out - “WHO THE FUCK IS KATIE?!”

Since none of the paladins have money on them, Pidge is acting as the official bookie so everyone can collect their winnings upon returning to Earth. So far, Lance has the greatest debt, owing Keith around a hundred bucks.

Colleen Holt knows that Pidge is still alive. She’d promised to find Matt and Samuel, and Colleen does not doubt her little girl. Wherever she was, she was going to come home and bring her boys with her.

Back on Earth, Pidge, Hunk, and Lance were reported to the news as “delinquents who went on a joyride in a stolen Garrison ship and never came back.“ Keith’s dad never reported him missing because he knew were his son was going and that he was going to come home when he was ready.

Keith’s mom is one of Lotor’s generals, but she (whoever she is) doesn’t know because she dropped off baby Keith at his father’s doorstep and left, not even bothering to name him, hence why Keith has a human name. (Calling it now that one of Lotor’s generals is Keith’s mom - I mean they’re the only Galra women we’ve seen)

Acxa’s “other option” she mentioned after shooting Lotor was to join the Blade of Mamora.

Lance thought that Keith had a crush on Shiro until he heard Keith mention that the black paladin was like his older brother.

Whenever someone has to take a moment of silence to process information, either Pidge or Matt can be heard going “___________.exe has stopped working.”

Pidge, Hunk, and Allura all bond over the idiotic sexual tension between Keith and Lance. Coran tried to stay out of the way, Matt doesn’t seem to care, and Shiro somehow doesn’t notice a thing.

There’s a sign in the command centre that says “No weapons in the command centre” after Matt almost broke literally everything while swinging his staff around.

A little cliche, but Lance begrudgingly groans out “in English please” whenever Hunk, Pidge, or Matt technobabbles.

PART ONE HERE

#voltron #vld #headcanons #vld headcanons #team voltron #keith kogane #lance mcclain #hunk garrett #takashi shirogane #shiro #pidge gunderson #katie holt #matt holt #allura #coran

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steampoweredgiraffefannews · 7 years

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David makes a Post a few days ago clearing up rumors about why past members left

Its a lOOOOONgG Read (3 walls of text) but I copied and pasted just his part in the read more section just in case you don't want to go to reddit for whatever Reason.

When stated that he should not feel obligated to explain himself as their lives are really none of our business (as it's not) David explained:

“ All of us in the band don't think we need explain everything either. We know most people understand that people leave for various different reasons, but a few people over the years just like "juicy details" and "drama", and for us it is frustrating when nothing those folks make up out of "lack of details" is true. We think our vagueness on our website is "good enough" and we've given closure in more "touching" posts online when members leave, but yes...there are folks who get into the band and want to know "Why". I hope this post is seen as a "deep cut" of SPG behind-the-scenes info, and then people who really want to read it read it and go. "Oh". "Well that's that". Bunny and I have definitely made countless posts over the 10 years we've been doing this act online. They all get lost in the internet, so every few years, I inevitably make a most "explaining" stuff for new people. I dunno what the "right" thing to do is, but I certainly want to try and do right by every fan, even if they make up or speculate on terrible stuff happening. Thanks for being one of the many understanding ones!”

https://www.reddit.com/r/SPG/comments/754t71/why_does_the_third_member_keep_getting_switched/

1 of 3 walls of text)

I probably shouldn't be replying to posts like this...

For one, it only encourages people to post more stuff like this to get responses from the band I think...which isn't healthy for me or the band... ...and two the OP has posted questionable stuff here according to the actual mod messages I see. (I am not really a mod, it's just a pleasantry from the actual mods since I am in the band I guess).

I am not the best with words or typing this stuff up, but I always try my best even if it’s a tangled mess of sentences.

TLDR: We don’t plan for the 3rd member being switched out.

No one plans for the “third member” to be switched out.

We started with four people who all wanted to try their hand at street performing with a robot group.

One of them couldn’t commit since it was “just a hobby on the weekend and didn’t want to be in a “band”, so they left (Erin Burke, Upgrade), we are still friends, she left willingly on her own. We’ve had her on an episode The Bennettarium Podcast and reminisced about her time in the group.

Once the band picked up, formed as an official business and started becoming “a living”, the third member couldn’t commit and it dragged the rest of the band down in rehearsals, shows, and album recording. Everyone in the band mutually agreed that letting that person go was for the best and they didn’t want to stay around. Person couldn’t commit to the schedule/didn’t want to do it full-time, and they left (Jon Sprague, The Jon). We keep in contact, pleasantries and all that, keeping “up with life”. No real chance of podcast visit and such, it’s just not the relationship we have with Jon.

Backing musicians Mike and Matt we stopped traveling with after about a year of traveling with them. Matt did the show with us for a year, Mike had been with us pretty consistently for live shows after our first album. However, we made a decision to cull the act down. Everything to do with expenses and managing 8 people in a band. It ended up saving the band financially and made way for tons of technical improvements to the live show, which we wouldn’t have even thought of if we kept the same standard “band setup”. Mike has been on The Bennettarium Podcast recently, and we’ve invited him to three live shows this year in California. We had one this summer, and then two more are coming up in November and December. Adding him to local shows that we are able to has been fun, but unfortunately it doesn’t make sense for all of them or shows out of state where expenses get more. That’s due to travel itself, but also us having to pitch the act and costs to a plethora of venues and events.

As for Sam/Hatchworth, he took over for Jon when he left. He wanted to commit, always showed he did, and expressed interest. So when the band went through growing pains, it only made sense. Sam is the longest running member consistently after The Bennetts. Sam told us when he started that he wasn’t in it for the long run, but really wanted to do it and we all said we would see where it went. Sam eventually let us know the year he wanted to be his last year performing with us. He wanted to pursue his own personal art projects and said he didn’t want to stay in SPG for ten more years and look back with regrets of things he could have done outside of SPG. It came as a shock for us all, as it’s not like any of us were anticipating it, but we all understood. He made the transition as smooth as he could, having seen other people leave the band before, and caring about the fans he would be leaving behind.

Bunny and I knew exactly who we wanted “as a third robot” if we had “our dream team” since the beginning...heck Erin and Jon wanted him in the act too, we all did. We never thought it would happen in a million years, but years had passed in all our lives, lots of different experiences, and the time was ripe. I made a private post on my private Facebook account reaching out to my college chums, and Bryan responded within the first week. Sam stayed on for the rest of the year (we started looking for his replacement early September), but Sam said he would stay on “as long as it took”, as he didn’t want to leave us “high and dry”. Once Bryan was in and rehearsing, we mutually agreed with Sam that a Bakersfield show in December would be his last.

Bryan is new. He hasn’t had years of being a robot under his belt, and he’s had to pickup harmonies written for two other performers.

We don’t get the luxury of years and years of honing with him...

But he’s a champ. He believes in the act, and is bringing an excitement to the band that Bunny and I haven’t seen with previous members.

The act is Bunny and I’s act. That’s not to say people didn’t contribute a boat load of awesome stuff to it, but at the end of the day, we’ve put in the most work, we run it finically, book the gigs, and spearhead it’s direction. It was apparent early-on even when we were street performing that we were going to put more time into it than anyone else. That’s not a “we are better than our other members” flaunt, it’s just how things ended up becoming.

SPG was in fact just a fun hobby that four mime students started for fun, and it was fun at the time for all.

Those first two years saw the most growth, and growing pains did push out folks who weren’t on the same page. It started as a hobby, but quickly became a goal of “a living” for Bunny and I. I think all four of us wanted that at some point, but after a few years, people change, and their wants and desires can change too. Short of that though, people have different ideas of “commitment”. It’s not as if anyone was “forced out” ever either. We talked about all our ideas for the band together, and only after years of working together did we all come to the conclusion what we all wanted to do. I guess that’s the only way I can think of saying that people leaving in our band isn’t about knee-jerk reactions. Everyone we’ve ever worked with has been loving individuals. We all communicate differently, but even in our young age in our early 20s, we all treated eachother more maturely than we’ve seen other bands. I know it all sucks from a long-time fan’s perspective who like certain characters or band members, and to those folks all I can say is that it’s not like the rest of us go “thank god that asshole is gone”. Of course we would put up with eachother if it was minuscule personalities clashing, but when it’s not and it’s something affecting he bigger picture like “well we can’t really do more shows and make more albums without rehearsal and getting together to hash out songs if not all of us want to”, then naturally everyone and that person comes to the conclusion “Oh I am an Inconvenience to everyone else in the group, I guess I should go”.

When Jon left, he never posted about it online and all people got was a blurb that Bunny and I wrote up and double checked with Jon. We asked him if we wanted to add anything, or if he wanted to make a post himself, but he said he wasn’t good with words and that we put it well enough.

That was probably a big mistake on my, Jon, and Bunny’s part (although I do remember thinking him not saying something personally was going to backlash). It did backlash a bit with our fans.

The truth wasn’t good enough, and soon started the “theories” and “rumors”. We spent weeks trying to respond to fans, reiterating the same stuff, we even asked Jon to help and post something, but he said for us to not worry about what those people think, and that they weren’t there and we know how it went down.

I don’t blame Jon for not wanting to post online about his departure. For one, he never had much of an online presence and didn’t like social media much, and it’d be weird if he suddenly had a presence online out of the blue, and two his family hated Bunny and I once we split ways with him in the band. These were folks we had knew for probably half a decade...went to holiday dinners with and hung out all the time with (Jon has a super close and numerous family). We went over to hang out a bit with Jon after the split, and to give him some old equipment he wanted for a gig he had coming up. His family was like night and day to us. We had no idea they suddenly hated us like that. Later they started posting hate online about us and making things up like “They are destroying all fan mail sent to them for Jon”. We asked Jon later and he said at the time that his family kept bugging him about what happened and he wouldn’t tell them, and for us to not worry about it.

That wasn’t fun for Bunny and I. Of course we were worrying about it, we got hate mail every day.

(Continues in comment I made to this comment)

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[–]spineraptor 17 points 2 days ago*

(2 of 3 walls of text)

In hindsight though, when Sam left, he gave us a write-up to post to fans, made an appearance with Bryan on our podcast and “passed the torch to him” so to speak in video and photos.

...BUT STILL people cried “Something is fishy here! What happened!”

But you know I guess that’s par for the course. In the ten years we’ve been doing this act and having an online presence, it’s all par for the course, it just what comes with the territory.

If you look at any quasi-celebrity or fandom or creator online big or small you see the same stuff. You can’t win. You cannot make everyone happy.

Part of that is because no one gets to see your day-to-day life. Fans don’t get to “witness it all” and part of it is because the internet gives people a vehicle to communicate their thoughts and feelings to the creators. There’s no way I or Bunny (the only people who really post anything introspective or deep about the band in the band online), can write anything up or make a tweet that will appease everyone. There is no end goal for ever being able to do that.

I can post things like this in more obscure social media places in hopes a few people care to read and feel better about the band, but my ultimate goal is really just to vent a bit and give the information that’s not easy to come by to the people asking. It’s true it’s no ones business and It’d be healthier for me and the band to not to post things like this, because in a way we are just enabling the worst of the internet and that always comes to bite you in the butt later :P (I am not saying this subreddit or this user in particular, you’re all fine as far as I know).

But yeah... No one saw the meeting we had in early 2011 before we did the San Diego Zoo for 2 1/2 months when the band sat down with Jon to discuss “if everyone is on board for the future”, since Jon had been taking a back seat in the group a bit.

No one saw the meeting after the first year after the zoo ended in 2011 where we all sat down again and discussed the future and next year’s zoo gig, where we asked Jon if he was fully committed because things were still flaky.

No one saw the meeting we all had in 2012 right before the zoo where we confronted Jon about him not knowing any of the new songs for the Zoo that year, and not having even started his two songs for The Two Cent Show Album, when the rest of the album was done, and missing a lot of his harmonies (ended up having to use Mikes voice for about half the songs in place of Jon’s right before release anyways).

No one saw the discussions and emails the other members sent and we had in person where people complained to Bunny and I that Jon wasn’t pulling his weight. Keep in mind there were six of us in total then, and we were doing the zoo for our second year 7 days a week, for 2 1/2 months in total.

No one saw the meeting after we finished the 2nd year of the zoo and a show in Texas where we discussed with Jon going our separate ways.

No one saw the conversations later with Jon about him saying “I think Sam will do a good job and you guys will be fine”.

No one saw Jon consoling us from the fan backlash.

No one saw the discussion when we didn’t hire on Matt or Mike for more live shows or album work.

No one saw the discussion and stuff from Sam wanting to leave and saying he’d perform with us for as long as it took to get another member to replace him.

But the thing is with all of this stuff is, no one sees this stuff because it’s not possible to, isn’t feasible, and isn’t anyone’s business.

Everyone wants to know juicy details, and some part of me would want to as well in a fan’s position...but we haven’t got them.

What more can we say while being tactful than “he couldn’t commit so we went or separate ways”, or just giving a copy and pasted write-up from the person leaving? There’s nothing more to be done.

Most people understand and will accept all of that. Realistically there is no better way for it to be handled. Sure we learned better social media stuff in between Jon and Sam’s departure, but a lot of that is due to the two different people and what they wanted to put in and felt comfortable doing online.

But the band understands that fans will be upset with lineup changes. We honestly do.

Bunny, Steve, and I aren’t sitting here going “how can we piss off our fans and make them hate us? I know let’s get rid of their favorite characters!”.

We also aren’t going “How can we make this act more about Bunny and David and less about everyone else?”.

We’ve always made the act equal. From the pay, to balancing the amount of songs on stage, lead singer always changes, we shine a spot line on every member during our shows (or try to)....etc.

If a member leaves, it is totally acceptable to not like the act anymore. We aren’t forcing anyone to feel bad about not liking changes.

Every single step of the way we have lost fans.

It was easy to see in the early days because we had so little and only did street performing, but every time we make a change intentionally or not, we loose fans. The other side of that though is that we gain new fans. That’s not us saying “screw the old fans”, that’s just us still performing with a new lineup and new albums and new people liking THAT stuff.

People who liked our Balboa Park shows hated our first album Album One, because it didn’t sound like Balboa Park and was “too overly produced sounding”.

People who loved Album One hated Two Cent Show because it “didn’t sound the same, it’s too fast, there is no lo-fi sound, the lyrics don’t mean anything anymore”.

People who loved Two Cent Show (aka Honeybee and AEHarmonics), hated MK III because “Jon isn’t on it, it’s too modern sounding, don’t like concept albums”

And so on and so forth....you get the idea.

All of those are perfectly valid reasons to not like a band anymore. I like bands, people in SPG like bands, but we’ve fallen out of love with bands before too.

We do not take it personally.

I mean, we can if you make us feel bad to our faces or something, but overall it’s fine. Of course we want people to like our new stuff whether that’s with the lineup or albums or whatever, but it’s not like we think we can do that or think fans SHOULD.

We aren’t trying to say “what is now is better or worse than before”, why would we do that with our own stuff? I assure you the things WE all don’t individually like in the band with very specific things are NOT the same things other people dislike for the most part.

We are the artists, it’s way different for us. We absorb critiques and such like anyone else, but just like most people, we aren’t in a bubble...we know what we like ourselves too and what we don’t like. If I like one of our songs that everyone of our fans collectively hates, does that make me wrong? Should the fans decide what songs go on an album? (I don’t think there is a song like that, just a hypothetical). Of course not. It’s art, and it’s not perfect and never has been.

Someone can say the last season of Rick and Morty lost its charm and isn’t as good as the other seasons, and I can say it “just keeps getting better!”.

Arts subjective, we all have opinions. Really hard for the world as a whole to agree on art as “good” or “bad”.

Is that an excuse for making bad art? Hell no. Bad art is bad.

If someone puts a lot of effort into it, that’s great. It probably means a lot TO THEM. It’s entirely a different thing to expect that other people feel the same way.

We can make a stupid song or bit and tons of people love it while we go “WHY? ITS SO STUPID!”, and then make something that speaks to us personally and we love with our entire being and people can go “This is shit, it’s like they aren’t even trying anymore”.

It’s just art. Have your opinions.

All I or anyone else in the band would hope is that people don’t try and make us directly feel terrible for making an album or something. If it’s bad, it’s bad. Same goes for decisions in the direction of the band.

I hope you all know we don’t see it as “let’s take this left turn and throw everyone off!”.

Like...I’d like to think we make informed decisions. Not every album comes about the same way.

I don’t think anyone has to agree with us. I certainly don’t want to make anyone feel bad about hating our stuff.

...I mean, I think hate is a strong word for art. I don’t think ours is offensive or something to the point where the word hate is honestly used.

I don’t like Stephen Universe, but I respect the artists and creators and don’t wish them ill ya know?

Maybe some things seem obvious to fans or consumers of art and not to their creators.... And that’s subjective...

Maybe a fan would say “you should have kept Jon” or “you should have kept Mike in all the time for albums”, but that’s not our reality in the band.

It wasn’t even options for us. They weren’t “terrible mistakes we made when making decisions about the band” for us. I am sure we’ve made some mistakes, but they aren’t on the surface and they aren’t things fans would care about or even know about (logistics of business stuffs San example ya know?).

Of course we would have liked to keep the act the same and not have member lineup changes. That would be great for marketing and fans.

But we couldn’t foresee people not wanting to continue on with the band, we couldn’t foresee Bunny transitioning, and we couldn’t foresee changes needing to be made due to growing pains financially, and personally.

There’s no way or reason to defend the band in all this.

If you think we are terrible from changes, then so be it.

I’ve said it before in past posts over the years, and it still works here...

The options are, we stop doing the band due to people leaving or changes happening...or we find a way to make it all work and continue on.

(Continues in comment I made to this comment)

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[–]spineraptor 24 points 2 days ago*

(3 of 3 walls of text)

That’s not to say don’t we have doubts ourselves, but hopefully you can believe that we make the best choices for the band that WE think will work, make last members and future members happy AND keep the act going for new and old fans. Maybe some folks will fall out of love for the band forever, or maybe they will reconnect in a few years when the changes aren’t fresh and things have settled in.

I personally don’t see an issue with the transitional phases of a band being public. We aren’t putting new people on stage or on an album without rehearsal or anything, and it’s not like we can stop performing or creating publicly while we work in a vaccine forever. It’s gotta be public eventually. We aren’t a super duper popular band, but we have done better than most and have a pretty supportive fan base, which we owe or livelihoods to.

We can’t make the band a democracy with fans, but hopefully folks understand that. We will make what we will make and we will art how we art. If we upset fans and make something they don’t want or like, all we can say is that we are sorry for letting you down and hope that we can make something in the future that you WILL like. If not, then no harm done, our past stuff stays the same and people can always revisit it. We always play or past stuff on stage too, and it’s not like we forget where we started.

I mean, I can argue anything with any fan, but I don’t. All of our albums have songs about being a robot in them, but even Album One has songs about not being a robot and you’d never know we were a robot band from JUST those songs. It’s never been 100% robot songs from the get go. That view is stilted in picking and choosing songs either from upload date of music videos on YouTube or live shows or whoooo knows.

Vice Quadrant had very little robots and we knew it wasn’t about robots ourselves, but we tied it in because we wanted to stretch our creativity and do something “not about robots”. We’ve always done that, that albums was just more so.

I digress though. Most people know that if they listen chronologically from our first album.

There are lots of songs with “not as deep lyrics”, because we are fans of lots of different stuff, and one type of song doesn’t fit the lore or image of the band to us.

Anywho...

Maybe Bryan isn’t the best at doing the robot due to not having done it for the years like Bunny and I.

Maybe I am not as good at the robot anymore as I used to be ever since my back issues with degenerative disc disease.

Maybe Bunny is showing her true self now and wanted her character that she lives in almost weekly to match.

Maybe what we want to say in songs and albums NOW isn’t the same thing we wanted to say when we started.

Maybe people fell in love with a music video shot in under an hour at a beach and didn’t know we had comedy in our act and are turned off once they see we are a comedy act in comparison to that music video.

Maybe Bunny and I are not as personable with fans as Mike or Jon were, but you’d be hard pressed to say we don’t try our best, we are just shy, awkward people. Mike and Jon are beacons of light, and everyone loves them. Everyone loved them before SPG and everyone will love them after SPG. I can’t speak for Bunny, but she is similar to me. I am a sarcastic, pessimistic, anxiety and stress ridden individual who had a terrible upbringing and childhood, and basically eats and sleep SPG business and doesn’t like going outside much, or have many “friends” and doesn’t hang out with hardly any people because I don’t like people, but tries their hardest to put on a genuine smile to fans at shows and engage them in conversation and such to hopefully lead by example that life isn’t so bad and that we are grateful for their support.

Maybe social media has influenced some fans to hate Bunny or I. Of course posting nothing at all leaves more positive ambiguity like some of our other members, but posting to lots of people and someone taking something personally or interpreting something the wrong way, or not liking our political opinions or views on social issues or whatever does and can taint us in the view of others. But that’s everyone on the face of the earth and not just people in bands online. I can see my far removed relative post something super racist on Facebook and write them out of my lives immediately, but wouldn’t know that about them if I never used Facebook and only saw them at family gatherings and saw them as a loving caring person. Not saying Bunny or I have sketchy posts or something, I think we’ve picked our words as best we can over ten years and have apologized where we’ve seen fit when someone calls us on something, but even small things that people don’t like about us on a personal level (well as much as you could get to know someone from their tweets) can change their view of a band. Just saying....you get how the internet changes all this kind of stuff.

There are some other comments I’d love to reply to on this post, but I dunno if I can get to them all or if anyone really wants me to....or if I want to. Ha.

I saw one about “why don’t the Bennett’s get switched out?” from the OP, and that’s an easy one to answer.

It’s our act, and has been ever since we started putting more work into it than everyone else within a few weeks of its inception. That just came naturally, and Jon and Erin were fine with that.

Bunny and I ran the improv group, the mime group, and the children’s camp groups that came before SPG. It’s not that it wasn’t an option for everyone else to be “in charge”, its just no one wanted to do the work. They liked doing the art and fun stuff, but not 24/7, and that’s fine. Everyone falls into different roles, and things change over ten years.

I remember Erin wanting to take up the role of “business manger” and she would always talk about getting our business license and doing the taxes and finances and all that stuff, but that never happened when she was in the group, and I immediately did all of that stuff when she left, because it was obvious to me that I was the only one who could/would willingly do all that stuff.

We’ve never made anyone do anything and have kept it as equal as possible while anyone is in the group. We only ask for rehearsals, shows, and album work, and everything else is up to individual members and how much they want to put it.

The only thing I take pride in...is doing the busy work that no one sees. The business shit, the album mixing, the music video shit. I enjoy doing it all. I am not the best at it all, but the difference is I DO IT. And procrastination is not a thing I have a problem with, only with other people, and that’s hard to live up to for some past members. Even with that said, I’ve never made it harder for them.

I remember building a recording PC and securing equipment for Mike for an album he just couldn’t find time to get his instrument parts into. He said he needed a private space to do it, but of course the recording stuff was at my place and I worked at my place a lot. We came up with the secondary computer for him for his own private space at a rehearsal room we were renting, just due to his living situation at the time. It sat their for months never being used and Mike ended up rushing the instrument parts at my place in two weeks before album manufacturing. Sometimes it doesn’t work out great, even if you try.

Now, I don’t say any of the things I’ve said about anyone in these post to make people dislike anyone else in the group or myself, but to give an insight into the fact that we are all people, have our own issues and hang ups, growing pains, life lessons to learn and all that jazz. I hope the theme of “understanding” comes from all this. Members past and present have always tried to make the group work, even through their personal struggles and growing, myself included. That’s how everyone is in any group setting, and we aren’t unique in that sense.

But none of it is as bad as anyone outside of the group could fabricate themselves, and we’ve read and heard it all over the years, unintentionally from hate blogs, emails, and fans in person.

I hope those of you who read all this and think “boy I hope they don’t get hung up on these people, I hope they ignore them and just keep on doing what they do and be happy, because if they dwell on stuff like this I don’t want that to affect the band negatively either and not like the band anymore myself”. And to those folks I would say not to worry. Every once in awhile I feel the urge to reach out and “explain how it is” for us in the band to people who might not give us the benefit of the doubt. It’s not about right and wrong, just perspective I don’t know if it’s needed, but all this social media and fandom stuff with creators is new for the world.

I understand a fans’s perspective because I am fan of things myself, so the band has that, but it’s a bit different because fans don’t have our perspective, it’s a very one-sided relationship...a band to fans, and I hope that’s what people understand in all this.

I am just trying my best to give insight even if it’s kinda pointless, as I can’t do it forever, and boy howdy have I done the same thing on tumblr and the like over these 10 years.

So yeah, not the best at words, but hopefully something in all this text speaks to some of you who really want some sort of understanding on lineup changes (and whatever else I rambled on about).

#spg #spg news #spg fan news

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itsallavengers · 7 years

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Extract from one of your wips?

AH. OKAY. UHHH. After much debate, I decided to post a piece of a long highschool au thing I’ve been working on for about six months now (whoops other fics got in the way and i’ve kind of moved it to the back-burner rn but. I definitely intend to get back to it once I’ve finished my other two projects). This is about 1k, and Also. Halfway through the fic lmao it’s just a part I thought was kinda good so. voila I guess.

(also vis a vis first part,,, Ty was just being a pervy asshole but. Minor warnings for consent issues maybe.)

When Steve had decided to wait on after school for Tony that afternoon, he definitely hadn’t been expecting events to unfold as they had.

Not that he was complaining, mind.

Of course, a part of him was still irrevocably angry. In the deepest, most primal sort of sense. He wanted to rip Tiberius Fucking Stone limb from limb for daring to lay a hand on Tony. In the heat of the moment, as he’d caught them; Tony struggling to get out of Ty’s grip as that scum had pressed his face into Tony’s space…

Steve had seen red.

Everything else had been blocked out as he zeroed in on Ty and lunged. And it would probably have ended a lot more seriously if Tony hadn’t stepped in and snapped him out of it, his shaking hands tugging at Steve’s collar and dragging him back.

Jesus… Steve didn’t even want to think about what might have happened if he hadn’t been there. It made his skin crawl and his blood boil with fury.

One thing was for sure, though- if Ty went anywhere near Tony again, Steve would kill him. Without hesitation.

Glancing over at Tony as they drove slowly through the New York traffic- his eyes dark purple bruises, and a general look of illness about him that made Steve want to just bundle him up in his arms and tell him to just rest for once in his goddamn life- he felt a fierce burn of protectiveness surge over him, and a brief, manic desire to turn around and hunt Ty down all over again. To punch him bloody, until he could barely remember his own name, and he couldn’t physically lay a hand on Tony again without losing his balance.

He’d reached for Tony’s hand before he was even aware, winding his fingers around Tony’s own and gripping tightly, focusing intently on the warmth that lay between them in an attempt to distract himself from his own fast-spiralling thought process.

Tony glanced over, his brow creasing in concern as he looked Steve over. “You okay?” He asked.

Steve smiled a little, and let himself relax against the expensive car seats. Tony was safe. Steve didn’t care for much else. He could save the over-analysing what could have happened until he was alone- for now; he needed to concentrate on more important matters.

“You really had a crush on me 3 years ago?”

Tony paused, and then jerkily turned his head back to the road, blushing a delightful pink colour that Steve wanted to follow with his mouth.

“I… basically? It’s embarrassing. You… you punched a guy I hated, one time, about three years and one day ago. It was- well, thirteen year-old me was very impressed. And turned on. Yeah,” Tony mumbled, and Steve laughed, playing absently with Tony’s fingers as he leant his head against the seat and watched Tony, who kept glancing nervously at him through the corner of his eye.

“Who’d I punch?”

“His name was Justin. You clocked him on the nose because you caught him while he and his friends were running some kid’s work under the sink in the boy’s toilets. Then Justin’s buddy punched you into the wall and gave you a concussion.”

Steve stopped, eyebrows furrowing as he tried to remember the scene. “Are you sure that was me? I don’t remember ever doing that.”

Tony shot him a look. “No. You don’t. Because Justin’s buddy punched you into a wall and gave you a concussion.”

Steve ahhh’ed in understanding.

“It’s not normal how casual you are about that,” Tony said, shaking his head amusedly.

Steve shrugged. “After the tenth time being told you got concussed, you stop caring. Anyway- sounded like the asshole deserved it- that kid might have spent a long time on whatever work they were doing, and it was getting ruined all because of a few jealous assholes. I stand by my actions,” Steve said proudly; chin jutting out a little as it always did when he talked about his fights.

Tony paused, before looking at Steve and smiling a little. “It… it was my stuff, actually. That’s how I saw it all. I was gonna go over there and try get it all back, but you kinda got there first. And by the time I reached you, you were already sprawled all over the floor with blood pouring out of you head. I thought they’d fucking killed you,” Tony’s brow creased a little in dismay, and Steve squeezed his hand in reassurance.

“Hey, I’m tougher than that, Tony, come on, what do you take me for?”

Tony laughed. “An idiot who got into way too many fights. Anyway, yeah- I ran over to you and asked if you were okay, and you know what you said?”

Steve raised an eyebrow.

“You stared at me for a creepily long time, told me ‘it’s lucky I have my library card on me, because I’m totally checking you out,’ and then laughed hysterically for five seconds before passing out.”

Steve’s mouth dropped. “No way.”

“Totally did.”

“I… I wasn’t even out then! I didn’t even know-“

“Guess your concussion must have just knocked your level on the Kinsey Scale up a bit, then, because you totally said that to me, and of course, I immediately fell head-over-heels in love with you after that. It was a great pickup line.”

Steve stared straight at Tony, before dissolving into helpless laughter, his face scrunching in incredulously as he stopped low and brought his hands up to cover the blush that was now crawling up his own cheeks.

“What the hell are you laughing at, Steve, that’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me! I’m not even lying!” Tony yelled, his own face stretched into a broad grin as he turned down into Bucky’s road.

Steve paused, lifting Tony’s hand up to his mouth and pressing a soft kiss against his fingertips. He was still getting over the kind of overwhelming shock that Tony had wanted him before he was Captain Rogers, the handsome quarterback, and instead had just been Steve, the skinny asthmatic.

If Steve had still had any doubts about how he felt for Tony, they’d immediately evaporated upon hearing those words. God- he still couldn’t quite believe it.

“Well, we’re gonna have to see that gets changed then, aren’t we?” He spoke softly against Tony’s fingers, before letting his hand go and grinning again. “Trust me, I have a whole array of pickup lines from Bucky- he tries to make them as cheesy and weird as possible- it’s probably where I picked up the library card one, actually-“

“You know what, I don’t think I want to hear the type of pickup lines that Bucky Barnes has told you. They’ll almost certainly scar my delicate sensitivities,” Tony said, wincing as he pulled out the keys from ignition and opened his door.

“Are you my appendix? Because you give me a funny feeling in my stomach and make me feel like I should probably take you out,” Steve followed, getting out of the car and jogging around to meet up with Tony, who had a look of horror on his face.

“What the hell was that-“

“Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Because you’ve just got the sweetest ass,”

“Steve, stop it, oh my god,” Tony was blushing harder by the second, and it only spurred Steve on further, grabbing Tony’s hand and skipping around until he was walking backward, face to face with that adorable smile.

He kissed it, just because he could. And because he hadn’t in over ten minutes, which was honestly too long to wait, in his eyes.

Tony reciprocated immediately, his smile exposing teeth that Steve’s lip scraped against, before his mouth closed again and Tony pushed forward, hands coming up to hold Steve’s neck

“The human body is 70% water and I’m feeling thirsty,” Steve muttered against Tony’s lips.

Tony yelled in horror, and fell off the sidewalk. Steve only helped him up once he’d finished laughing.

#stevetony #tony stark #steve rogers #avengers #itsallavengers writes

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sinangoral2017-blog · 7 years

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[07.29.17] i recognize that i am ridiculously behind on writing this post, so for those of you who have still been keeping along, i am very sorry! i can explain! let’s rewind.

the in-limbo period of time that i had in between japan and iceland was chaotic, to say the least. consumed with fixing things around the house (our ac broke so i had to readjust the fan unit outside), visiting mom at work, and gearing up for iceland, i got really busy. i was always hoping to write about my downtime in minnesota because, after all, it would’ve been one of the highlights of the summer (I LOVE MINNESOTA). ultimately, i just never had the chance.

in either case, wifi in iceland turned out to be far more limited than i had originally predicted. since i slept in my car most of the nights (more on that later), the only wifi i had access to was when i was filling up at a gas station. even those connections were weak, so the prospect of uploading any text entries, let alone photographs, were minimal. i was sad to admit to myself that the trip couldn’t be shared with you all as i lived it. instead, it had to be relayed after the fact upon my return to the states.

now that things have calmed down a bit and i’m living a slow and sleepy minnesota life, i can take some time to update you and share with you some of the trip’s highlights. though it’s pretty difficult to walk you through 11 days in iceland in one post, i’ll try to do my best.

it makes sense to start with the disappointing email i received from a mycology professor upon taxiing to my gate in iceland, saying that he had decided to take a last minute vacation and couldn’t meet up with me. understandably, these sorts of things happen, but i was pretty bummed that one of my connections had to back out. luckily, my other connections (who were a married couple at the iceland academy of the arts) and i were to meet towards the end of my trip, so in a matter of minutes, i was a free bird with no agenda. as such, i landed in iceland with a certain restlessness that, for some reason, urged me to just hit the road as quickly as i could.

my shuttle bus from the airport to my rental car location was 6 hours late, so i had to bum around the airport. i know – first world problems – but with that agitation that was boiling inside of me to just get rolling, i started to go nuts. nonetheless, several hours later, a sweetheart girl, who couldn’t be more than 19 years old, picked me up. she insisted on carrying my duffel bag and backpack. i could tell that she could tell that i felt a little weird about it. seemingly reciting a speech that she likely gave to many idiotic american males before me, she explained to me how iceland is one of the most feminist, forward-looking, and optimistic countries. as we drove off in the 14 passenger van and she slam-shifted the burly van’s gear shift, i couldn’t help but notice that she was enjoying my slight surprise.

well, i picked up my rental car (a five-speed fiat panda that was a joke compared to my female friend’s bus), bought a map, and hit the road, traveling north towards reykjavik. the only plan i had decided on was to drive through reykjavik and ignore the city, promising myself that i’d spend ample time there upon my return. and so, i kept driving north on the ring road (highway number 1), taking my time, stopping every couple of kilometers or so to soak up the scenery. i took about an hour to stop at a “bonus,” which was the equivalent of a small-sized costco, to pick up sandwich meats, bread, and preservable food. i had heard the horror stories about the food prices in iceland, so i made it a goal to live off of my own concoctions for at least the first six days.

since i knew i would be living out of the panda for the majority of my eleven day trip, i made it a goal to compartmentalize the car into different zones. blame it on my architectural brain, or occasional obsession with specificity, but i had to get comfortable in the car.

the front passenger seat was dedicated to brushing my teeth, trimming my beard, making coffee, and changing clothes, while the driver’s seat was for… driving. nothing too weird up in the first half of the panda.

the rear seat was dedicated for sleeping, but only sort of. since my rather large body didn’t fit easily back there, i would sleep on my left side and swing my legs up through the center console and rest them in the passenger seat. when i’d get tired of this position in the middle of the night, i’d switch sides and sleep on my right side. strangely enough, it felt too awkward to let my feet rest in the driver’s seat when i was in this position, but after the third or fourth night, i found it pretty comfortable to hang my foot off the gear lever if i parked the car in first, third, or fifth. the miserable techniques of an aspiring architect.

the rear hatch was dedicated solely to food, as i ate out of a ‘kitchen’ that i built in the trunk of the panda. two cardboard boxes housed all the plastic cutlery, toilet paper, and rolls of paper towels that i had stolen from the airport. after all, i had to do something productive with my 6+ hours, and i had made the mistake of finishing my book on the plane. i kept all my deli meats, cheeses, jelly, and spreads inside high quality ziploc bags inside an equally heavy duty plastic bag, which i hung from the exterior rear windshield wiper of the panda. this way, i could prevent insect buildup. in addition, the weather was pretty cold overall, so i took advantage of the icy rain and cold wind while i drove and slept to naturally refrigerate my food. with the exception of some dirt that entered the bag on the eastern parts of iceland, this technique worked out pretty well for me.

to compliment my weird program divisions inside the panda, i developed a strict routine of eating, resting, refilling fuel, and begging for free hot water for my french press that i had brought along. strangely enough, it was through this chronology that i was able to tell what time of the day it was, since the all-day brightness was so disorienting. all in all, i charted my travels, favorite locations, and quirky experiences on the aforementioned map, notating for myself as many things as i could recall from the day. i’m hoping to pin up this map on my apartment’s wall when i return to pittsburgh.

i’m going to sound stupid if i try to describe what i saw - it was just too beautiful. color was surreal, mostly because the abundant grays made everything else feel so saturated and accented. while i’ll let the photographs speak for themselves (there’s just no way i can try to explain how beautiful iceland’s landscapes actually are), i’ll share with you two existential moments that i had along my travels, which adequately color the trip for what it was. the first involves a bunch of multicolored sheep at 4am, and the second involves a hitchhiker that i met along the road.

after around the fifth night, having a full night’s rest became a great difficulty, and i started to have lucid dreams as i fell in and out of sleep. this particular night, i woke up to find that what i had thought was an ingenious plan to hang black tshirts from my rollup windows to block sunlight was actually a horrible decision. a zillion mosquitos were in my car. not 10, not 100. a bagilion. just like the horror movies. i had idiotically parked near a marsh/swamp for the night, and all the stupid insects had crawled through the gaps in the windows. here’s an excerpt from an email i wrote to an important friend about the event, which adequately captures my inner turmoil:

despite the success of this leg of the trip with camping inside the car, last night was a disaster. i woke up to ten thousand mosquitoes inside the panda at 445a because i'm an idiot and fool and i left the windows open because i'm an idiot and fool. i knew nothing else than to drive like a madman with windows down for two hours to get rid of them, eventually ending up in little town. weather is overwhelmingly foggy and don’t want to drive because it's a bit unsafe. i can't see these ****ing suicidal sheep that come out of god's **s onto the road and baaaaaa and bleep around. and the farmers spray paint their butts to know whose is whose so i just see these little pink and blue and red butts galloping towards and away from me through the fog. it's slightly poetic but also so maddening. and i guess, at this point, i break down, knowing that this hell is sent from the gods and that they're rightfully directed at me. ***k ***k ***k stupid sheep ***k.

i don’t think i can look at sheep in the same way, to be honest.

several days later, on a random impulse, i decided to pickup a hitchhiker that i found just outside of hella, iceland. jeanne, who turned out to be a total sweetheart, was french-canadian. we stuck together for the whole day, visited a couple of waterfalls, and talked about the weirdest stuff. later, we stopped by the side of the road and pet some random horses. wouldn’t you? it’s amazing how comfortable you can get with someone you don’t know and know you likely won’t see again, simply in light of the fact that you are both blank slates to each other. you have nothing to lose. so those several hours we spent together were really nice.

my time with jeanne also made me realize how lonely a solo traveler can feel in iceland. again – first world problems – but a reality for me, nonetheless. iceland, no matter how grateful i was for the experience, should’ve been absorbed with someone else, at the very least. it was just too beautiful and esoteric to have been lived through alone. i find that relaying my experiences with my mom and minnesota friends has become quite difficult, because the picturesque scenery i’m trying to depict seem exaggerated. and as cathartic and uplifting as iceland was for my health, i wish i had shared that with someone else as well.

when i finally finished the long loop around iceland, i had three to four days to soak up reykjavik, so i checked in at the cheapest hostel i could find and explored the city by foot. i had great beer, good grocery-store food, and occasional splurges on drip coffee. it was during this time that the married couple i was scheduled to meet informed me of a sudden family emergency – one which forced them to fly out of the country last minute.

this brings me to the guilt that i felt about missing out on my mycology connections in iceland, despite how much it was out of my control. i keep asking myself: what if i had planned for just one more resource? was three really enough? of course, i know that these things happen, and that i should learn from this, but an underlying sense of embarrassment still resides. originally, i had hoped to visit japan and iceland to soak up 50% of research and knowledge from both, but i’m now realizing how naïve that was. iceland, in the end, turned out to compliment japan as a therapeutic release from my everyday worries – something that arguably is extremely important, especially as i delve into my fifth and final year of school – but also something which admittedly steers away from the original thesis-based proposal i had put forward to carnegie mellon.

i was lucky enough to fly through boston, both on my way to and from iceland, and see several important people in my life. i stayed with nick, who was my best friend and roommate at grinnell college before i transferred. though i wasn’t able to see the wonderful temple rea, i got to annoy his awesome sister, walton, for an afternoon. i even got to see the handsome and well-dressed kyle wing in the city, which was a blast. the rest of my time was spent soaking up the boston public library, perusing random bookstores, and gawking at MIT’s media lab and campus. ultimately, boston was a wonderful reprise for me as i get ready to return to pittsburgh.

i have spend quite some time wondering if i should keep this blog going or not. i likely will for thesis, but i’m not sure if i’ll start a new one or just continue on this platform. more on that after i talk with my advisers on the matter. i think i need a springboard for thoughts, i just don’t know if i should start over or not.

nonetheless, i’m so incredibly grateful for the opportunities i’ve had throughout this summer to travel, learn, and live. i still cannot believe how this fantasy became a reality, so to my donors, department, university, and mom’s patience, thank you.

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maychorian · 7 years

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Weekly Voltron Fic Recs #19

Rules: You can find past rec lists here. This is stuff I like, and I have a huge bias toward Lance, hurt/comfort, and general fluff, in that order. Gen unless otherwise noted. Please comment on the fics if you read and enjoy them!

Welp, this will be the last rec list before Season 2. I feel like a tornado is coming. Time to hide in the cellar and batten down the hatches. We’ll see what survives the storm, including my heart.

happy birthday, hope it's out of this world by brosura Words: 5,866 Author’s Summary: Everyone’s acting very unusual around Hunk today, and he can’t think of a reason why. People keep giving him things, Pidge and Coran are strangely anxious to keep him away from part of the castle, and strangest of all, he hasn’t seen Lance even once. My Comments: This is sweetest thing. Everyone’s gifts to Hunk very lovely and sentimental, and somehow he DOESN’T CATCH ON. This made me grin through the entire thing, and Lance’s gift was the sweetest of all.

An Aftermath of Sorts by wolfsan11 Words: 2,451 Author’s Summary: Shiro forgets sometimes that Allura is a princess in all the ways that no one would wish to be. That she is a princess born into happiness but brought up alongside a war, that she is a princess who had once known her enemy as a favored guest in her kingdom. He forgets sometimes that her strength is hard-won and bitter, and entirely her own.---In the aftermath of the corrupt wormhole, Shiro seeks out Allura. My Comments: This is well-written and sad, and really highlights how strong and protective both of them are. Also, paladin cuddle pile.

Reconnaissance by mumblefox Words: 5,680 Author’s Summary: They'd gotten Sendak off the castle, and everyone should feel safe again. Thing was, they didn't. But they had time, now, to fix what they could, and Pidge had a plan that would help. My Comments: APPARENTLY this is the first of a series and there is going to be MORE? By some of the BEST GEN WRITES in the FANDOM? Holy crap, y’all, we are blessed. This fic is amazing. Climb on board or the train will take off without you.

Trials Before the Dead by birdzilla Words: 3,139 (WIP 1/7) Author’s Summary: When the paladins land on an alien planet looking for refuge, they're instead brought to trial by the natives for the deaths of innocent Galra prisoners. Shiro attempts to take on the burden of guilt for the rest of the paladins and ends up on a spiritual journey through his paladins' trials-by-ordeal, depending on the strength of their bond to carry him through. My Comments: What an absolutely terrific concept, and the writing is super great. I am on tenterhooks for more.

And I Lie Awake And Miss You by Leonawriter Words: 753 Author’s Summary: Lance finds Allura by accident, kept awake by his own fears after the way the day had gone. Lance is just too stubborn and too unwilling to let things lie when she's clearly still upset. Not that he can blame her. My Comments: Short, sweet, and sad. I love platonic Allura and Lance interaction. They both miss their families.

A Moment of Respite by To_Shiki Words: 1,341 Author’s Summary: The other Paladins get Shiro to relax after post-battle exhaustion wears off. My Comments: Yes, good. Let him rest. Everyone takes care of Shiro, and this is really the only way he can let his guard down.

All There (In a Way) by Skalidra Words: 2,410 Author’s Summary: When Shiro wakes, after his crash-landing back on Earth, he's strapped down onto a table, three people hovering over him in full quarantine suits. But he remembers every moment of the year he's been gone, and he's been Champion for far too long to be alright with being restrained, let alone being sedated. My Comments: Shiro with all his memories of struggling for survival in the arena is SAVAGE. This is a darker take on that first encounter back on Earth, but it absolutely makes sense.

Wolves by Utsukushin (UserFromPluto) Words: 2,498 Author’s Summary: Keith’s hands shook, and for a second he allowed himself to give in to weakness, slumping forward so his upper body rested on Red’s dashboard. His eyes slipped closed, and immediately he was assaulted with a brutal wave - flashes of laser blasts and screams, the violent jolting of his lion in combat, tiny droplets of blood flying off his sword… "Keith?" (Keith has a hard time calming down after battles) My Comments: Stressed-out, hyper-vigilant Keith is really well-written and vivid, and the team’s concerted effort to surround him and make him feel safe again is lovely.

No Martyrdom Allowed by IntelligentAirhead Words: 3,442 Author’s Summary: Hunk tries very hard to help their friends. It would go a lot easier if they weren't so self-sacrificial, but considering the extenuating circumstances of an entire galaxy depending on them, it's understandable. That doesn't mean Hunk's going to give up on suggesting healthier coping mechanisms or opening avenues for conversation, though. Especially when Allura is so insistent on putting her grief aside and charging ahead My Comments: Hunk and Allura interaction! How rare and beautiful. I really love this version of Hunk, so rambly and sweet, but stubborn when need be.

Think Before He Cheats by 15Strawberries Words: 1,232 Author’s Summary: Hunk likes country music. Specifically, scorned woman country music. His friends are concerned. My Comments: And this is just adorable. Everyone loves Hunk, as well they should.

No Chill Zone by JamtheDingus Words: 3,070 Author’s Summary: It's Hunk's birthday! Lance and Pidge planned something special, just for their favorite boy.---“Pidge, seatbelt!” Hunk shrieked, narrowly avoiding a collision. She blew a raspberry directly into his ear before she plopped back into her seat, loudly clicking her seatbelt.“I thought you only listened to country music.” Lance says, as if the words physically repulse him.“Don’t make me bring up your song choices, Mister ‘Naruto Opening 7 Is In My Playlist Eight Times In A Row’.” She huffed. My Comments: College AU. This is a fun, funny, and relaxing fic. It’s nice to see these three just hanging out and enjoying each other’s company.

Pride by Eghfeithrean Words: 3,485 Author’s Summary: The lions reflect on their respective Paladins following the events of episode 11, and prepare for what lies in store for them in the future. For the Voltron Season 2 Countdown event. My Comments: Lovely character study of the lions and their paladins.

Can't Take the Sky From Me by isabeau25 Words: 6,586 Author’s Summary: Shiro was just trying to escape the ever expanding Galra Empire. He hadn't planned on picking up any passengers along the way. My Comments: I love everything about this. Cannot possibly recommend it highly enough. LITERAL space dad Shiro is excellent, and all the kids are well-drawn, if heartbreaking. Allura and Coran are a fantastic addition, and there’s a great Firefly vibe to the whole thing that really, really works. And it’s now a series! If I were you, I would subscribe and read every single thing.

Squash by isabeau25 Words: 749 Author’s Summary: Shiro is very sleepy, and his team is full of squash. My Comments: CUUUUUTEEEE! This fic killed me. I have such a thing for sleepy paladins, and also Shiro using endearments for the younger ones. And Coran just accepts it, because humans are weird.

Infection by 5557 Words: 73,271 Author’s Summary: While exploring an alien planet, Lance is nearly killed by a mysterious monster. Now he's convinced that he is infected with an alien sickness. Why doesn't anyone believe him? It must be Keith's fault. This is a horror-comedy (but like, also a romance?), and I drew pictures. My Comments: Here, have some epic Klance hurt/comfort. It’s really well-done.

Raised By Lions by earthstar Words: 9,640 Author’s Summary: The Galaxy Garrison ask Shiro to speak with 11 year old Keith who they believe has dangerous knowledge. As Shiro becomes attached to the kid, he has no idea just exactly what kind of trouble the boy has gotten himself into. My Comments: I LOVE this fic and I really really really want more. Oh, and yeah, it’s almost another literal space dad Shiro. Space big brother, anyway. Because Keith needs to be adopted, like, twenty times.

One Week to Say Goodbye by squirenonny Words: 1,986 (WIP 1/7) Author’s Summary: After King Alfor places Allura in stasis, Coran has one week before Alfor sends Allura and Coran to Arus to await the arrival of a new generation of paladins. One week to think about everything he's going to lose. One week to search for another solution. One week to remember. One week to say goodbye. My Comments: Past one-sided Coran/Alfor. I almost didn’t read this fic, because I didn’t want to be sad. But this author is SO good I couldn’t help it, and now I’m really eager for more.

Hunkaversary by Geoduck Words: 2,168 Author’s Summary: Hunk always gives so much--and it's time to give back. His birthday is coming. My Comments: Another super-cute birthday fic. Hunk deserves all the hugs, and he gets them.

Love and Other Questions by squirenonny for May Words: 10,978 (WIP 2/?) Author’s Summary: One week after news of the Kerberos disaster broke, Pidge receives a new Mark--proof that Matt is still alive. She breaks into the Garrison to find him, only to find herself caught up in the fight for the fate of the universe. Keith keeps his arms covered so he doesn't have to watch Shiro's scars compounding on his skin--but doing so means cutting off contact with his romantic soulmate, who greets him each morning with a new (and terrible) pickup line.Shiro and Matt thought they were the luckiest people alive when they found out they were going to Kerberos together. But Shiro hasn't seen Matt's untidy scrawl on his arm in almost a year, and he has no idea if his soulmate is even still alive. [Canonverse Soulmate AU with romantic and platonic soulmates (and some gray areas in between)] My Comments: Multiple pairings both romantic and platonic. I just love the way this author does relationships, and while I’m not usually a big fan of soulbonds, this idea is really, really intriguing. Very cool concept, well-written and well-characterized. I can’t wait for Hunk and Lance to show up.

Call it Magic by BossToaster (ChaoticReactions) Words: 5,856 Author’s Summary: Tuesdays are Hunk's favorite. Or, at least, they're supposed to be. A Hogwarts AU based on this fic by Buttered_onions for Hunk's birthday. My Comments: Really lovely day-in-the-life kind of fic. I love all the relationships and how protective everyone is of Hunk, and the world is well-integrated. Good stuff.

Piece of Goo by genericfanatic Words: 1,207 Author’s Summary: Lance is sad and eats terrible food. My Comments: This is an excellent portrayal of depression and UGH I just want to give Lance a hug.

No Desert For You by Mikiri Words: 5,373 Author’s Summary: They may have won, but what happens after? Keith worries of returning to Earth and the team comforts him as best they can. My Comments: SO sweet and comforting. Wonderful paladin pile, and I love how they just went around the room taking turns telling Keith that he’s been adopted and he’s not going back to the desert alone. Ever.

A Better Life by BlueRoboKitty Words: 2,142 Author’s Summary: “You can have a better life.”She really, really could make it better, couldn’t she? Turn this ship around. And go back. My Comments: Really interesting Nyma character study. Actually made feel bad for her, which is a trick, because I really don’t like her because of the way she treated Lance. (I know, I know, he kind of deserved it, and it was played for laughs, and everything turned out fine. I’m biased. I told you that.)

we sat on the edge of worlds by stelian Words: 4,481 Author’s Summary: As far as rescue missions went, this wasn’t the worst one ever. No one was near death, none of the lions were severely damaged, they were still together, and both were in one piece. Mostly. So what if some weird electromagnetic storm was keeping them from contacting the Castle, a wave sent out by a Galra commander had deactivated Shiro's arm, and Hunk may or may not have more than a slight concussion? At least no one was dying.The hardest part was trying to survive through the night while the temperatures continued to drop. {or; Hunk and Shiro have a bonding moment while trying not to freeze to death} My Comments: Hunk and Shiro interaction is slowly growing to be some of my favorite. And I’m always a sucker for huddling for warmth. Just a good hurt/comfort tale.

the great (drunk & failtastic) galactic bake off by ShirosRedKnight (HalcyonWritings) Words: 2,482 Author’s Summary: “I got it!” Lance pointed triumphantly across the sunk-in couch at Keith, who was eyeing his third glass of jumbu’v juice with a mild frown. “We should do a bake-off!”--A GBBO parody fic because why not. My Comments: This one is hilarious. Poor Shiro. He tried.

Previously Recced Fics That Updated:

Someplace Like Home by squirenonny The Final Act of Mercy by ptw30 Beast You've Made of Me by BossToaster (ChaoticReactions) (now complete) Parasite Knight by VelkynKarma Aid by Haurvatat Engine Won't Turn by yet_intrepid (THIS CHAPTER MADE ME SO HAPPY) Planet of Gold by rexlover180 (now complete) Light Up the Dark by BajillionKittens (yay it’s back!) Where No One Goes by earthstar I'm Seeing Stars by BossToaster (ChaoticReactions) Bundle in Blankets by KnightNuraStar (now complete) He Sleeps in the Sky of Ice by jadencross

#voltron legendary defender #fic rec #i can't believe how long this is #i'm tired #all this fic reading is seriously interfering with my writing #if there any typos just ignore em cuz i ain't fixing em #weekly voltron fic recs #vldgen

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ladystylestores · 4 years

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How will we build the city of the future? – TechCrunch

Editor’s note: Get this weekly recap of TechCrunch news that any startup can use by email every Saturday morning (7am PT), just subscribe here.

Commercial real estate, the traditional heart of most cities, may have lost its reason to exist in the last few months. The world is about to find out what the situation is as more locations start to reopen.

First up in our ongoing coverage of the topic, Connie Loizos caught up with a couple proptech investors this week for TechCrunch, who saw existing trends accelerating — with many medically focused additions.

Brendan Wallace of Fifth Wall is looking for more aggressive pickup of smart tech in general, along the lines of what you already see in some other countries. “He notes sensors that can determine how many people are in a room or pass through a turnstile. He points to facial recognition tech that can help keep points of physical contact to a minimum. He imagines that more companies might embrace robots to patrol buildings and, possibly, to clean them, too.”

Darren Bechtel of Brick and Mortar saw tech remaking the construction site, with growing practices like using large-scale pre-fabricated components: “If you’re limited by how many people can work in the field, and you have to put in controls for people not working on top of each other, the question becomes: how can you do the work in a more controlled environment, with a next-gen HVAC system [to purify the air] and markings on the floor?…. People are now saying, ‘How much can we prepare off-site?’”

Buildings are also going to be focused on health features, Connie wrote. “[B]oth Wallace and Bechtel mentioned advanced air purifiers and air handling units used to recondition and circulate air as part of a heating, ventilating and air-conditioning plan. Both say it will likely become a growing area of interest for building owners and developers.”

What about beyond the buildings? A few writers here put together some thoughts in a post for Extra Crunch. Here’s Danny Crichton’s view from Brooklyn:

Few of us can live in the dreary confines of a suburban enclave our entire workweek. And so I expect to see a revitalization of the classic Main Street clusters that once dotted towns across America as people appreciate the close proximity of amenities that they need throughout their day and remote work makes it possible to skip the commute to the central business district.

It’s not going to be a simple transition, of course. The built environment alone will probably take decades to fully transition. But the spirit of Jane Jacobs lives on and will move beyond the downtown core neighborhoods she observed to spread to medium and perhaps even small towns across the country and throughout the world.

If you want more on the topic, check out our recent investor survey with six other top proptech investors from late March (for subscribers).

Just want to settle down at home and get to work? Check out Darrell Etherington’s TechCrunch guide to setting up a pro-grade videoconference studio.

The $100M ARR club continues to grow, despite everything

When Alex Wilhelm rejoined TechCrunch late last year, he kicked things off with a list of companies that he called “the $100M ARR club” to signify unicorns that were also generating a lot of revenue. It was a clever way of organizing which of the hundreds of highly valued companies heading towards IPOs were most set up for success, and our readers agreed.

But, with entire market categories whipsawed by the pandemic, it has been hard to find companies willing to share numbers lately. He still found a few, as he wrote up for Extra Crunch this week: ActiveCampaign, Recorded Future and ON24. Here’s a vignette from the CEO of ActiveCampaign:

While we had the CEO’s attention, TechCrunch wanted to know if ActiveCampaign was taking incoming fire from COVID-19 and its related economic and labor disruptions. As some other SMB-focused software companies have told us, the answer is no. Here’s [Jason] VandeBoom:

We anticipate continued growth in 2020 and are already seeing further acceleration to support this. The past four months have been the best in company history and we’ve seen monthly trials double in that timeframe and new customer acquisition numbers at 4500, 5500, 6000 and 7000 respectively from January to April.

He did hedge those results a little, adding that while his firm has “seen some acceleration from COVID-19 and the digital transformation that it is inspiring,” the CEO is more convinced that “the need for customer experience is what is fueling the majority of this growth.”

This week in China trade news….

The already basic trade agreement between the Trump administration and the Chinese government from last year looks ready to blow up; the administration banned selling more tech to Huawei; TSMC plans to open a factory in Arizona following urging from the US government; Foxconn profits crashed… Danny Crichton has a clear takeaway on TechCrunch for startups about the latest headlines:

[T]he world of semiconductors, of internet infrastructure, of the tech ties that have bound the U.S. and China together for decades — they are frayed and are almost gone. It’s a new era in supply chains and trade, and an open world for new approaches to these huge existing industries.

If your company is not already planning for a more chaotic, multi-polar world than what most of us can remember living through, it may already be too late.

(Photo by CHRISTOPHE ARCHAMBAULT/AFP via Getty Images)

Investor survey: hospitals to increase tech focus after pandemic

Sarah Buhr talked to top investors in the healthcare B2B and infrastructure businesses for one of our investor surveys this week on Extra Crunch. They generally seemed to agree that the pandemic was going to push the system wholesale towards better technology. Here’s Bilal Zuberi of Lux Capital:

While a lot of our healthcare infrastructure will take a little bit of time recovering from the stress COVID placed on it, we anticipate this to provide a push to the system to adopt new technologies that enable distributed health, build resiliency in our delivery networks and deploy data-enabled healthcare. Hospital balance sheets might struggle in the short term to buy new technologies, but payers as well as large businesses might participate in infrastructure development and deployment in a bigger way. We anticipate selling to hospitals to be difficult in the short term, as they try to recover from the revenue shortfall they experienced during COVID-19, but will generally emerge more interested in adopting new technologies, digital and remote health solutions and automation in various functions. Needless to say, a wide-scale digital transformation of our healthcare industry is underway, and there is no looking back.

Don’t miss our other survey this week, on how the mobility investors are viewing the pandemic.

Protecting your equity as a startup employee

Wouter Witvoet of fintech startup SecFi wrote a guest post for TechCrunch going over some key points for anyone working at a startup right now (or recently). As an occasional startup founder and/or employee myself, I’d like to recommend this one for special consideration: “Negotiate for equity during a pay cut or furlough.”

Startups typically offer equity as a means of deferred compensation and as a way to incentivize employees to own a piece of the company they are building. The compensation is deferred as most startups are cash-strapped and cannot afford to pay you what a larger company may be able to.

If your company is now asking you to take a pay cut, or even take no pay during this time, you should consider asking for additional equity to make up for the lost compensation. While not all companies may be amenable to offering more equity, there is no cash outlay from the company’s standpoint, so it’s an efficient way for your company to compensate you for your sacrifice while preserving their cash.

In addition, offering more equity shows a commitment from management to their employees during this difficult time. It may be the win-win scenario for your company and yourself in the long-run so it’s worth having the conversation with management to discuss if this is available for you.

At first it seems weird when you consider typical venture dynamics. The founders have probably already lost leverage against the company’s investors. These investors have probably already lost leverage against their LPs. So nobody is naturally included to give up even more. And the employees were already last in line on the cap table and first to go, so why should founders do anything different?

Tactically, the best employees will be attracted go work at bigger more stable companies as the pandemic recession stretches on — and you might not have the cash to afford the effort to rehire. Strategically, now is the time to build the esprit de corp that will carry your company forward into better times… a few extra basis points for the team now could help deliver a priceless return.

Across the week

TechCrunch

COVID-19 shows we need Universal Basic Internet now

AngelList wants to improve comparing VC fund performance with new metrics and calculator

Seven viral futures

Where to shop online that isn’t Amazon, Target or Walmart

Extra Crunch

4 edtech CEOs peer into the industry’s future

Sequoia’s Roelof Botha is more optimistic about startups today than he was a year ago

These best practices maximize the value of your online events

Fintech startups amass war chests for the economic downturn

Around TechCrunch

Give the gift of Extra Crunch membership to anyone

Extra Crunch Live: Join Alexia and Niko Bonatsos for a Q&A May 19th at 2 pm EDT/11 am PDT

Extra Crunch Live: Join Revolution’s Steve Case and Clara Sieg on May 21 at 3pm ET/12pm PT

#EquityPod

From Alex:

Hello and welcome back to Equity, TechCrunch’s venture capital-focused podcast, where we unpack the numbers behind the headlines.

Are you a regular Equity listener? Take our survey here! We talk about it on the show.

From home once again this week, Danny, Natasha, Alex and Chris got together to pull the show together. But unlike last week’s episode (catch up here if you are behind), this week’s show features a game that actually worked. It’s at the end, as you’ll see.

But before that piece of the puzzle, there was a bunch of news to go over. We had to leave SaaS valuations, the Liftoff List, Brex and FalconX on the floor, but there was still so much good stuff to cover:

Then we played our game. Please hold us to account. And if you have listened to the show for a while, take our survey! It’s right after this next sentence.

Equity drops every Friday at 6:00 am PT, so subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts, Overcast, Spotify and all the casts.

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