#chronic emptiness | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sunlit-mess · 1 year

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something something

#im trying to draw hhhh #sorry if im just here and there- but ive been reading inboxes ^^ and tysm..! I bring back the same kindness to you!#sorry if all i draw is nothing but venting now- but ill swing back someday hopefully #messyr #doodle #vent post #vent art #chronic emptiness #bpd

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bunnighost · 21 days

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#traumacore #vent edit #trauma vent #actuallytraumatized #childhood trauma #actuallymentallyill #trauma edit #avpd #bpd #chronic emptiness #empty #loveless #cptsd #traumatized #trust issues #lack of empathy

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perfectlyunknownn · 4 months

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when will the friendship gods allow me to have a stable friendship

#bpd #thoughts #I hate that I want everything that an fp provides but I do #It’s easier to find someone else to not deal with the #chronic emptiness #but I know logically it’ll be best to work on myself #and find comfort and confidence in friends and family #diary #bpd fp #actually borderline #mental health #actually bpd #bpd thoughts

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mhamory777 · 8 days

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I hate when people ask how I feel!

It’s never gonna be just a simple answer with a quick solution, it’s always something so deeper than that, something linked to childhood trauma that I have to deal with on my own! Whatever solution they give me will not help!

They can not fix the chronic emptiness and loneliness from not having a fun childhood and not having a teenage experience that you hoped for! They can’t fix the chronic anxiety that never goes away or fix the burnout!

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bpdcodone · 3 months

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I want to kms

#cluster b #bpd life #borderline personality problems #system #borderline things #bpd tag #bpd mood #i hate bpd #bpd #bpd feels #bpd emptiness #chronic emptiness #I got manipulated by some fucking loser

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starsaroundmyfuckingscars · 17 days

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"how do you feel about that?" i don't, hope that helps.

#denying my feelings until i don't feel anything just so i don't get hurt #girl interrupted #girlblogger #actually borderline #idfk #girlblog #bpd #chronic emptiness

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bedrotterthinner · 24 days

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Um yes hi important moments from games that meant a lot to me. “Nie no Hakoniwa” is still a pretty new game so most of y’all ain’t played it but this character is my favorite thing. The chronic emptiness and not knowing who she is and shifting self perception? Me. The way she clings to an ab*sive guy who’s like barely good for her? Yes.

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luc1dsk3ll13 · 1 year

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of course I'm posting on Tumblr I'm an attention whore

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pattytacuri · 2 months

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rejuvenation

I’m looking for someone to rejuvenate my heart

a couple have tried and I’ve smiled and I’ve nodded

but absolutely nothing is felt

I take off my clothes for them

allow them to touch me

Stare at me in awe

Tell me I’m the most beautiful woman in the world

But not one ounce of feeling is felt in me

maybe they’re the wrong ones for me

or maybe my heart still isn’t healed

3/15/2022

#real life #poetry #truth #poets on tumblr #feelings #life #bpd #love #relationships #life lessons #borderline personality disorder #storytelling #writing #chronic emptiness #awe #mental health #burnout

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i-spit-blood · 2 months

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It’s my 21st birthday tomorrow!!!

#the age I’ve always wanted to make it too but thought I wouldn’t #vents&thoughts🍁⚔️#21 #bpd shit #chronic boredom #chronic emptiness #chronic loneliness #bpd thoughts #bpd mood #bpd stuff

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kinlodok · 5 months

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El fog múlni a fájdalom ígérem...csak adj időt magadnak

Nem értek ezzel egyet. Mitől múlva el a személyiségzavarom? A PTSD-m? Az acting outos személyiségem? A dühkezelési problémáim? Mikor tűnik el a fidesz az életből? Mikor lesznek jogaim? Mikor születhetek újjá (ciszként...)? Soha. Soha nem lesznek ebben az országban jogaim, soha nem élhetek nyugodt életet. Mikor mehetek vissza az időben augusztus elejére, és adhatok magamnak egy hatalmas állast? Soha. Soha, de soha nem fogok felépülni ebből az évből. Már az alkohol sem segít, sokszor arra gondolok, hogy veszek valami bzd-t a haveromtól... (Nem kéne)

#chronic emptiness #borderline personality disorder

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sunlit-mess · 1 year

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lost

#is it just perfectionism or the fact that ive been invalidated most of the time and i just keep finding- doing ways to make it up for them #messyr #doodle #vent art #burnout #mood #learned helplessness #chronic emptiness

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halinski · 2 years

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How clinically depressed am i?

well, i just went up to my sister to be like "hey how about we do something, i had this random urge to go rock climbing"

and she looked at me like

You wanna do something?

You had an urge?

i thought she had misunderstood me amd i was like just anxious about showing any interest in things bc i'm weird like that and she was like

no hold up YOU HAD AN URGE

And by that point i definitely couldnt look at her even more bc i was too uncomfotable about showing my current lapse in emotion but yeah, this was the first time in yeaaaars that i went up to my sister and invited her out even tho we do see each other often. Usually i'm always telling her i am unmotivated to do anyhting and no matter how much i try to mask and do things she always experiences at least parts of my anxiety and unhapiness. (Not all. She had no idea how bad it has been for me.)

But yeah

I can't remember the last time i went rock climbing. I literally don't remember. And i don't know when i'll actually be capable of it in the near-ish future (i'm gonna force it sooner or later idc) but it's just been so long since i felt such a nice feeling of a little spark of comfort of "hey i wanna do a thing that i like just for fun, just for me" - not merely as a distraction, not bc i need it to survive, not bc i need it for hypervigilance reasons or for worthiness reasons or people around or idk what, but just for me

might have been a good 17 years, beside the one or other time i climbed a tree, or cuddled an animal or something or the sort with nature

Also my sister can be kinda meh sometimes but i'm learning to not have any expectations of her and then really appreciate these moments where she helps me

#public journal #lol #ignore me #clinical depression #bpd #just borderline things #chronic emptiness #c-ptsd

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tosin-talks · 1 year

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Tosin Talks about residual symptoms of BPD

I haven’t really directly talked about symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder on my blog because I haven’t felt ready to discuss the real horrors of the disorder; I wasn’t even sure where to start and how to talk about my story. Additionally, I just haven’t been as affected by my symptoms as I used to be. For years, I have been working hard to recover from the diagnosis that I received in 2018 and undiagnosed symptoms that I experienced before then. Recovery is possible and I believe I’ve survived some of the worst parts of the disorder but BPD is a mental illness that greatly impacts one’s thought processes and perception of the world so I still experience the long-term effects of it.

I haven’t had a typical “BPD episode” in about 3-4 months. I don’t think I’ve self-harmed in about 6-7 months and I don't have constant urges to do so either. My reactions and responses are a lot less intense these days which probably means that my mental health has improved. Now that the life-threatening and extremely destructive symptoms aren’t a main issue, I am working on my issues with emotional impermanence, interpersonal relationships, splitting, and chronic emptiness.

I still struggle with the well known BPD concept of a “favorite person”, especially since a long-term relationship recently ended. I try to be cognizant of when I may unconsciously make someone else my new favorite person but it can be difficult to notice since my symptoms aren’t that intense anymore. Now that I process and evaluate my feelings towards someone, it’s not as easy to realize if I just really like and admire them or I’m idealizing them. The downside to when I realize that I might have idealized someone that I’m close to is the devaluation and emptiness that follows. The shift isn’t as grandiose as it used to be and rather than switching from black to white, I move between dark grey and light grey. I’ve been working really hard on not letting others’ thoughts, opinions, and worldviews become my own or heavily impact the way I perceive myself. I used to shapeshift to become whoever I assumed my favorite person wanted me to be. Now, I’m discovering my true self and learning to love her and choose her every time.

I definitely still experience mood swings but the highs and lows aren’t very high or low and they mostly occur on or around my period. Something that’s frustrating to still experience is emotional impermanence. I wish I had a better hold on an emotion and did a better job of remembering that a certain emotion will return. Another symptom that I still occasionally experience is chronic emptiness. I feel what Charles Baudelaire called “ennui”. I feel extremely detached and like I’m watching myself live this silly game of mundanity. I feel disconnected from the city I live in and some of the people I interact with and have little hope of this issue improving. I haven’t yet discovered what triggers my feelings of numbness and emptiness, it’s almost like I’m splitting on life itself. However, I’ve been combatting the emptiness by creating and stimulating my mind. I’ve been reading, learning new things, and writing a lot more.

Sometimes I get disappointed in myself for still experiencing minor symptoms. I understand that BPD can be a lifelong journey even if/when I no longer meet diagnosing criteria but I am fearful that I may never have a healthy, happy, long-term partnership or have my emotions completely in check or feel at home anywhere that I move to. I’m learning to give myself the same grace that I would give a future client or my younger self. I’ve come so far, my progress is definitely observable and I can acknowledge my effort and the results of that hard work. I’m not expected to completely rid myself of over a decade of mental health challenges in just a day. If I’m being honest, I didn’t expect myself to even live this long so I’m simply proud to be alive and sharing my story with you all.

If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or emotional distress, dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or text “HELLO” to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. For more education, advocacy, and support about BPD, visit the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (neabpd.org) and the National Alliance on Mental Illness (nami.org).

Background music by Mist3r

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ashen-phoenix · 7 months

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Waiting very patiently for the next time somebody tells me I'm in control of my life and need to stop blaming other people for my problems. I've been very tired and I think I deserve to tell somebody to shove it as a treat.

I think I'm craving catharsis and that would get me through for a day or two. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't like crying. I'm very tired and my eyes hurt. I might be angry? I can't place what this feeling is. It might just be The Void wanting filled but I have nothing to fill it with, healthy or otherwise, and the emptiness is morphing into frustration.

Might go out into the woods and shriek like a Banshee until I start to see lights come on at the neighbors. They can be awake too. I don't like them anyway, their vibes are off and I just know something bad is going to happen, they fill me with utter dread every time I see them and I can't place why. I want them to leave.

#vent blog #chronic illness #disabled #borderline personality disorder #chronic emptiness #i forgot to take my meds today #i am suffering #let me sleep

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luc1dsk3ll13 · 1 year

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the only nice thing about me is my collarbones

#chronic emptiness #ed diet #ftm ed #male ed #th1gh gap #thinspo #ana trigger #i want to be a skeleton #anamia #ana male #ftmspo #3atingdisord3r #tw 3d #4n4rexia #4na blog #4n0r3x14 #4norexi4 #4n4m1a #4norex1a

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