#autistic vent | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bpdohwhatajoy · 7 months

Text

I’m so deficient as a human being. I can’t functional normally. I can’t feel normally. I can’t do basic tasks. I care way too much about the wrong things. I’m the outcast wherever I go. I can’t socialize with people. I’m weird. I’m annoying. All I’ve ever wanted is to be normal and everyday I see normal people and it’s a slap in the face of what I’ll never be.

#ryan.txt #autism #actually autistic #autistic vent

489 notes · View notes

nightbunnyusagi · 10 months

Text

Autism and tactlessness

I don't know if this is part of the general autistic experience or is more specific to people who grew undiagnosed — I can only speak for myself — but something that really bothers me and makes social situations far more exhaustive than I think they could be, is policing everything I say.

I was diagnosed with ASD after adulthood, but I didn't need a paper to see, throughout my whole life, that I struggled and suffer the effects from it. And one thing is that I am aware, as my loved ones like to point out, that I am "tactless" a lot of the times, which can mean I don't realize when I'm being rude, annoying or inconvenient, specially when I can't understand why that'd be.

Because of that, I was often corrected while growing up. Things that I said that were plainly honest, spontaneous or curious were pointed out as bad, usually without a good explanation on why it was bad, just that it was. After that, I'd usually be punished in a way or another, being not getting an explanation, receiving silent treatment and being ignored, having people mad at me, shouting at me, blaming me for a myriad of things or accusing me of things, laughing at me. All that came off as a punishment for being and talking the way I was.

Years ahead, now that I am an adult, I realized I learned something. Instead of learning why saying certain things is bad, I learned to be scared of what I say. I feel tense and constantly try to analyze what I'm gonna say even when that is meaningless because I can't find what could be bad about it in my memories. If I get too relaxed and let the words slip away, I get anxious I might've offended someone. I'm constantly scared to be offensive and be punished again.

That also means I am always scared of being abandoned by the people I love, and my first assumption will always be that I did something offensive without realizing. I know I'm an overall grumpy person, but I tend to be scared of people when they're mad, I tend to get anxious that they'll never want to talk to me again and I'll be alone.

I am exhausted of fights that I don't understand why even happen. Of not understanding why people get mad at me. Of feeling rejected by people I trusted and loved. Of overanalyzing everything I say and still being scared of going through all that again.

Disclaimer: I am one autistic person, late diagnosed and low support needs, talking about my experiences and opinions that I believe are related to autism. I do not speak for other autistic people, only for myself.

572 notes · View notes

sunventing · 19 days

Text

shitty vent art

#sunventing #vent art #vent #vent post #bpd #bpd vent #bpd feels #personal vent #depressing shit #autistic vent #autism vent #tw depressing thoughts #mentally exhausted

109 notes · View notes

cat-downthestreet · 3 months

Text

hey, listen! this is a rant post about neurodivergent characters in Genshin and my frustration with the fandom's reading comprehension skills. if you're in a bad place or just don't like angry rants, please don't force yourself and go read something else instead. <3

Okay, so, I watched this video recently, and let's just say, I have some thoughts.

https://youtu.be/tYK3297p4rk?si=eMaf8NF57HFlUhfd

This isn't just a Xiao problem- the entire fandom is terrible at characterization. The example that makes me the most angry is the mischaracterization of neurodivergent characters.

Take Alhaitham for example. He's often seen as rude and narcissistic by the fandom- which is especially apparent in Haikaveh content, where people portray him as straight up abusive.

You wanna know why this makes me so mad? The supposedly narcissistic and rude traits Alhaitham has are actually just exaggerated symptoms of autism.

Like, come ON, people. Don't skip dialogue. Better yet, go read through his story quest again. He straight up tells someone who sees him as narcissistic that he doesn't see others as less than himself. Also, his voicelines basically confirm this- he's extremely socially inept and he doesn't care. He has difficulty showing emotions as readily as his peers- that doesn't mean he doesn't have them, just that he expresses them differently. He comes across as rude because he doesn't get that people don't like to hear what they're doing wrong, and he probably doesn't care because that's not his problem. If people don't like how blunt he is, that's their problem. At least, that's how I think he views the world.

And like, there are SO many hints that he's autistic. He wears sound-blocking earpieces, for crying out loud. Hell, the ENTIRE REASON why he helped out during the Archon quest was because he didn't want his life to change too much. Preferring routine is an autistic trait.

And the worst part is, when I talk about this outside of neurodivergent groups, people tell me I'm wrong and that he couldn't be autistic DESPITE THOSE PEOPLE NOT BEING AUTISTIC THEMSELVES.

And I'm not saying that every autistic person relates to Alhaitham, but I certainly do. And I'm actually quite friendly because I'm anxious about being rejected. Alhaitham isn't, and I'm so jealous of him for that. He's living his best life.

Finally, back to the Haikaveh thing... Alhaitham isn't abusive. He doesn't say horrible things to Kaveh, and the one example of him doing that I could find, he immediately backtracked and subtly tried to make Kaveh feel better. Hell, Alhaitham doesn't even actually care about making sure Kaveh pays rent. He says it as a joke, but because he's autistic and his tone of voice doesn't give that away as well, he's portrayed as abusive and misunderstood as narcissistic. Y'all just don't like neurodivergent people and it shows.

Yes, neurodivergent includes Xiao. PTSD is often viewed as a form of neurodivergency, and there are many MANY characters in Genshin that have PTSD or some other form of neurodivergence. Yet people refuse to see them as such and mischaracterize them as "edgy," "narcissistic," "unapproachable," "weird," and the like. Yet none of these characters are any of those things.

You wanna know the true narcissists? The true edgelords? The actually rude people? Might I direct your attention to Scaramouche, Childe, and Dottore, whom everyone makes out to be as misunderstood pathetic little meow meows that need love.

Reminder that only two of those three are actually redeemable, and one is STILL an edgelord who is more rude than Alhaitham could ever be, while the other is a certified insane person with a weird set of morals.

(Side note: I love Scaramouche and Childe as characters. I'm just tired of people acting like they aren't worse than the autistic characters. Scaramouche is extremely rude, but he's trying to be better as Wanderer thanks to Nahida's help. He has severe PTSD, and Childe does, too. But both of them are actually messed up and have done horrible things, yet people portray them as better and more in need of love than the characters with unlikable (read: neurodivergent) traits.)

Don't even get me started on how people portray Kokomi, Sucrose, Fischl, Diluc, Zhongli, Cyno, Furina, Neuvillette, and Albedo. Especially that last one- I WILL get mad if one more person tries to tell me he's just emotionless and rude.

Also, if anyone is wondering where I've seen people misunderstanding these characters, it's mostly on Hoyolab site discussions. There's one too many posts talking about how "rude" and "annoying" these characters are.

With Alhaitham especially, I see many people writing him as abusive in Haikaveh content. I see people arguing about the ship being toxic because Alhaitham is "abusive," "unfeeling," and "cruel." Even people who like the ship portray him as such. And I've seen too many people comparing him to Dr. Ratio, who is literally just a narcissist who views others as beneath him. Don't get me wrong, I understand the comparison. It's just... very obvious that people skipped dialogue during Genshin's Archon and story quests.

And it's frustrating because I've been misunderstood in the exact same way. I've been called "rude," "annoying," and "unfeeling" in the past and it's screwed me up. Seeing people do the same thing to a character I so deeply relate to makes me lose confidence in both myself and people around me.

If that's how you view a fictional character with autistic traits, how do you treat real people with the same traits?

Thanks for reading this far. My previous post seemed to get a lot of attention, so I felt more confident about posting my full perspective on this subject. Can any of you think of other characters that have been constantly misunderstood in the fandom? I'd love to hear about it.

97 notes · View notes

raging-guanche · 1 year

Text

are you a infantilized "poor baby" autistic or a demonized freak autistic?

#autistic transmasc #autistic transfem #autistic trans #autistic spectrum #autism awareness #autistic acceptance #autistic #actually autistic #autistic positivity #autistic pride #autistic problems #autistic things #autistic vent #being autistic #autism #actually autism #asd

605 notes · View notes

theoraekensnotsosecretlover · 6 months

Text

Also can we agree that actually the whole 'savant syndrome' thing is kinda fucked? Like yes, it's a real thing, but its linked with autism so much to the point where not being a genius makes people feel like they're 'not autistic enough'? I've already seemingly failed at being a normal person, the last thing I need is to fail at being autistic too.

146 notes · View notes

cheesymcbriz · 2 months

Text

i have a habit of wanting to blame things on my autism because it’s easy, but what if it isn’t?

what if it isn’t my autism making me some days outright unable to brush my teeth? what if i just don’t care enough about my hygiene?

what if it isn’t my autism that makes me unable to work on an assignment at home? what if im just too lazy?

what if it isn’t my autism that makes even the most delicious food look inedible? what if i’m just too picky?

what if it isn’t the autism making me unable to pick up on social clues? what if i’m just clueless?

what if i don’t need therapy? what if i just need to toughen up?

what if i’m the problem, and there is no solution?

what if i just need to work harder?

what if there isn’t anything i can fix, and i just need to learn how to deal with it?

#autism #actually autistic #autistic #tism #the tism #autistic things #adhd #adhd things #is this enough tags #vent but make it ✨autism✨#autistic vent #autism vent #adhd vent #personal vent #vent post #aaand post

89 notes · View notes

autistic-magpie · 3 months

Text

"my roman empire is this" "my roman empire is that" my roman empire is the fact that autistic people give allistics the sense of uncanny valley just by trying to fit in and therefore, no matter how hard I try, people will always be freaked out by me unless they're also like me

#actually autism #autism spectrum #autism spectrum disorder #autistic #asd #autism vent #autistic vent #vent #vent post

111 notes · View notes

thexspiral · 2 months

Text

"You're faking autism"

God I wish.

I wish I was making it up and I could make it go away at will. I wish I didn't have to apologize for doing things that weren't socially acceptable because I didn't know they were seen as rude or wrong. I wish I wasn't always seen as weird.

Even in my group of neurodivergent friends, I always feel like an outsider. I'm always intrinsically aware of the things I need to hide just to be liked. I can never tell if people are actually being mean to me or if I just did something wrong and didn't understand.

I wish I could understand. I wish I could just. be normal.

#scott vents #vent #tw internalized ableism #tw ableism #tw fakeclaiming #autism #neurodivergent #autistic #actually autistic #autistic vent #autism vent #neurodivergent vent

81 notes · View notes

snakeautistic · 5 months

Text

Why is everything so hard.

It’s exhausting for me when everything is going fine mine, but as soon as I face any obstacle I just completely fall apart.

I know I’ll get through it eventually, but what’s the point when it’s going to happen again and again?

#autism #autistic rant #autistic burnout #autistic meltdown #meltdown #actuallyautistic #vent #autistic vent

95 notes · View notes

meowtismz · 7 months

Text

So, tuesday thoughts... I don't actually fully understand why people want me to hate my disabled body AND being disabled as a whole concept! I have lived like this my entire life, I have dealt with this pain through my whole living journey so should i really hate something that i have learned to accept and live with?

I don't mean to romanticize my illness, my disabilities, my pain even, I just mean to say that like,, maybe, just maybe, I don't have to hate my own literal body that i have fought SO hard to love.

Us disabled people, just like any other bullied minority group, go through SOOO much JUST to feel accepted by ourselves and just to accept the fact we are disabled. And yeah, I hate my illness sometimes, but i love that I am able to accept it and fight to accommodate my own self in this world that wasn't built for me.

But I understand, i get it, I know that able bodied and neurotypical people just don't want us to "give up", they want us to keep trying to be "normal society members" and most of them just want us to keep trying so we don't have to resort to "accessibility". But is it really fair? To try and change the unchangeable just to fit in?

Anyways, I was just leaving some thoughts out there, I kinda wanted to know what tumblr thought about this if anyone actually reads this hahah thanks for coming to my ted talk,

with luv, one of your local neurodivergent cripples

68 notes · View notes

belpheg0r-luna · 4 days

Text

I know this is the autism speaking but why must everyone lie all the time?!? Why does every single person insist on being this difficult?? Is it too much to ask of at least one person to be honest for a minute so i can breath freely???!!!?!

#autistic things #autistic shit #autistic stuff #autistic struggles #autism #actually autistic #autistic brain #autistic vent #autistic community #autistic culture #autistic communication #autistic life #autistic adult #autistic problems #autistic thoughts #autistic rambling #autistic rant #autistic experiences #belphegor luna

23 notes · View notes

stal3bread · 7 months

Text

I don't miss being 5 years old and asking the teacher at school why the other kids wouldn't play with me. I don't miss being 7 years old and finding out that other kids were being mean to me when the teacher told them off for it. I don't miss being 9 years old and my only friend at school telling me we had to pretend to stop being friends because no one wanted to be her friend because she was my friend. I don't miss my life pre-diagnosis, where I thought I was just all of the labels people have thrown at me my whole life. I thought I was weird, cringe, robotic, lazy, selfish, and rude, among other labels. I know now that I'm just a perfectly healthy autistic person, but I didn't know that before. I thought I was just broken, and I resent the adults in my life for not having noticed how much I struggled.

Well, I don't really since I know that most of them were simply uninformed. But there is one adult I (briefly) had in my life who I genuinely do resent for not noticing I was autistic. When I was 8, I got my hearing tested because I didn't respond to my name. When the doctor found that my hearing was fine, instead of recognising that this was a clear sign of autism, they just told my parents I was misbehaving. I don't understand how someone can tell a kid's parents that their kid is misbehaving in that situation, because I was very much not misbehaving. I was just an undiagnosed autistic kid who couldn't recognise when his name was being called.

I'm not trying to say I had a harder time than people who were diagnosed early. I'm just trying to vent about my experiences with being diagnosed late (17). The fact that I'm autistic was the more traumatic factor, but the fact that I had no idea what was going on and that I received absolutely no support for my autism were traumatic for me as well.

#autistic vent #vent #tw vent #vent post #tw bullying #autism #autistic #actuallyautistic #asd #autism spectrum disorder

63 notes · View notes

pinksmonkey · 1 month

Text

Roblox Has A Problem

Hey everyone, sorry for the more serious post today, but I have an important issue I really need to talk about and bring attention to.

Recently when I was trying to upload one of my autistic pride designs to make a t-shirt on Roblox, I was sent a moderation warning saying this:

(And this was the image I uploaded btw):

Obviously I was annoyed and frustrated by this, so I contacted Roblox and sent an appeal message.

Today I received a response from Roblox Support saying this:

Does this action seem fair to you? Because it doesn't feel fair to me. I ranted to one of my autistic online friends about it after, where we discussed it in more detail and you can understand more of the context around why this is so messed up. (I got permission to share these screenshots.)

I know Roblox moderation has never been great, it's always had its issues. But as annoying as that is, in this case I feel like it's crossed a line. This isn't just about Roblox either, this is about how society views autism and the lack of autism education in general. I'm not just upset because I can't post something on Roblox, I'm upset because my voice as an autistic person is being silenced while other products on that platform are clearly mocking autism, and I'm trying to teach people about us. This is completely unjustified, and it sets a scary precedent when marginalized groups get censored for talking about their own experiences. Yes, Roblox is for all ages, and we should keep conversations appropriate, absolutely. But autistic people's existence, disability in general, is not inappropriate, kids should be learning about it. We don't need to discuss eugenics and hate crimes towards disabled people on Roblox, of course not, but I should be able to mention my identity without fear of being punished.

Basically, censoring the word autistic doesn't protect autistic people from hate, bullying, and discrimination, that is still happening regardless. What it does do is make it harder for us to fight back and stand up for ourselves, teach people about the realities of autism and normalize us as human beings. It's doing more harm than good, and that's what I hope Roblox can start to realize.

If you agree with me and want to make a difference, please reblog this and share it as many places as you can. We need to send a message to Roblox, and show them that silencing autistic voices is not ok. Obviously, be civil and respectful though, I just want to have a peaceful conversation about this problem, and hopefully Roblox will care enough to hear us out.

26 notes · View notes

theangelblood · 2 months

Text

So turns out my mom believes that all my struggles caused by me being autistic are actually caused by Internet addiction (which I don't have) because she watched half a documentary on internet addiction

Unfortunately a lot of the time I'm forced to use internet, music, ebooks, funfiction, podcasts and series as an escape from a world where my needs were never met and still aren't to this day so I have no other way of coping with sensory, emotional or any other issues.

28 notes · View notes

guestlistformyfuneral · 11 months

Text

everytime i think i’ve finally cracked communicating well, i manage to communicate something SO badly that it makes me question why i ever thought i was doing well, it’s been 22 years like…am i ever gonna figure it out

#autistic vent #autistic #autistic experiences #bpd stuff #bpd #bpd vent #bpd posting #actually bpd #bpd mood #autistic burnout #autism vent

77 notes · View notes