#but also I don’t see myself fully transitioning to a male

[drainsdorm]

Being Transgender

I’ve been out as a trans man for 4, almost 5 years. I came out when I was 14 and am now 18. My relationship with my gender has surely changed as I’ve gotten older, not in a detransitioning way, but in a I-Have-An-Evolved-Outlook-On-Gender-Now kind of way. Early in my transition, I was so fixated on people getting my identity correct, recognizing me as a man and only a man, strictly a man, the manliest man a man could be. Honestly, it makes sense, I was much younger, of course I felt so strongly to be seen in the light I wished to be seen in. I would become so dejected and depressed over misgendering and deadnaming to the point where I got angry at anyone who dared to do it.

But, at the good old age of 18, it’s as if that all went away. As I grew further into my male identity, I became more fluid with my expression and feelings, and more comfortable with myself to the point where I feel like I don’t need to prove anything to anyone like I did when I was 14. I don’t feel that burning anger and frustration when I’m misgendered or deadnamed anymore, unless it’s out of purposeful malice of course. But beside that, my gender identity seems to have transcended that of the binary at this point, I wouldn’t say I’m non-binary necessarily, I still identify as a man, but not strictly a man if that makes sense. Basically, I am a man but also I’m fine being anything, really. If 14 year old me could see me now, I only hope that he realizes sooner that he doesn’t need to prove himself constantly, that he will be okay in the near future, fully comfortable with himself and his identity and place in the world.

If you’re reading this and feel similarly, please feel free to share anything about it. The trans experience is so versatile and beautiful, if I could gather each one and breathe them in, I’d be grateful.

#transgender #trans #transmasc #trans pride #trans man #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #lgbt pride #nonbinary #ftm #gender #genderfluid #trans experience #transgender experience #personal vent #vent #philosophy #thoughts #queer #queer pride #queer community

[queer-advice-hotline]

Hello Queer-Advice-Hotline,

Thanks for all that you do! Just found this blog and it’s been really educating and helping.

I have a question. I’m nearly 34. Last year I started on a journey of getting to know myself and what I liked, as I spent a lot of my adult life dealing with trauma and resulting codependency issues. I was very femme, the last thing I thought I’d be questioning when I started this was my gender.

I always wondered to wear male clothing and decided one day to explore that urge. (The men’s aisle at old navy is a gateway drug.) I started using they/them and a different name. (The name was to cut ties to my trauma as well as express my gender.) I kept wearing more and more men’s clothing, and that’s all I wear at work and my home. It feels right to me. I am out as non-binary with people, but friends in my life have no clue I dress like a man, sometimes use the “he” pronoun and bind.

I now use he/they. I don’t define myself as a trans man though. I thought for a little while I might be, but have no interest in hormones or surgery. I bind my chest mostly in private and love how it looks and feels, but I think I’d feel more dysphoric without my top half then with them. I like my top half and it’d feel weird to be without it. I also love my bottom half and wouldn’t want to get rid of that either. I look at myself in the mirror sometimes and think “fuck I love my body”. About the only thing I’m super dysphoric about is my voice. I wish it were much lower.

I like the way I see physically look now with just the outside appearance alteration: the masc clothing, short hair, etc. I do often have anxiety about being out to people about my gender. I’m out to my friends as non-binary, but most of they think I’m still femme. At work I dress masc, at home alone, and at one comic store I go to. Most others don’t know. I’m slowly being more open about who I am (and feel great joy in that) but am not fully out. I know that this is because I have a lot of internalized transphobia because of my evangelical upbringing and I’m working through it. I fear rejection. I fear judgement. I worry my change in my identity is because of my trauma, or some head injuries I had in recent years. I don’t feel secure in my place at the queer table. How do you work through those fears? I identify currently as genderqueer trans-masc. I am not sure if I’m allowed to use the terms “transmasc” or the pronoun he”. But I have no interest in HRT or surgery. I worry I’m misappropriating an identity. Is is ok to define myself as genderqueer transmasc and not want to physically transition? Am I trans enough, I suppose is ultimately the question.

Thank you for the help. I’m a really shy person, don’t know anyone in the queer community, and wasn’t sure who to ask.

Surgery, hormones, and any other sort of physical transition are not required to be trans. You can absolutely define yourself as trans masc, genderqueer, or even as a trans man if you wanted to. It’s not misusing the label at all.

You would be trans enough even if you wore dresses, had long hair, and used she/her pronouns. You are trans enough as you are, always.

#1-800-queer #queer advice hotline #gender calls #advice calls #queer #trans

[pluralcultureis]

plural culture is technically being AMAB but you only formed when the last host was already post transition MTF so you don’t even remember ever being a guy, which makes you *feeeelllll* ftm because everyone in your family is resistant to the change, you are literally transitioning female to male, and this is the body you were “born” in in a sense but also like, i don’t wanna appropriate that term and advertise it, but also people literally just assume i’m ftm by looking at me and talking to me and i can’t really fully correct them without outing myself as a system so i’m pretty much in a point where i’ve never said it explicitly but all of my friends think i’m FTM and tbh that is the internal self image but i understand that i do not have the exact same experiences so i maybe(?) shouldn’t call myself that and honestly figuring out how i’m allowed to see myself feels so draining

As someone who is ftm both bodily and in innerworld, it's probably best to not call yourself ftm if your bodily amab

But all honesty I don't care too much (I don't speak for all ftms tho)

However either way, you're valid in your experience and at the end of the day what you call yourself is up to you

You're allowed to see yourself however you want to see yourself though, don't worry too much about what others think. At the end of the day what you're going through is a personal experience and no one can tell you what you're supposed to feel about it

#endos dni #osdd #pdid #did #did system #pdid system #osddid #actually did #traumagenic #actually dissociative #plural culture is

[fatsmyname]

Not a troll, I’m just curious what your experience is as a he/him lesbian? I’m also trans (Demi boy) btw. I guess, what about the term lesbian and dyke feel good for you? And are those words entirely devoid of gender and therefore not invalidating you as a man? Or is it something entirely different? Feel free to ignore! I’m just wondering bc I know there’s been a lot of criticism of he/him lesbians but not much sharing the experience of he/him lesbians. Happy holidays!!

Thanks for asking! It’s a little complicated for me but I’ll try my best to lay out the gist of my gender and how I choose to reconcile it ^_^

Lesbianism is fully liberating for me and is my home. My butchness stems from my masculinity, but without finding lesbianism I wouldn’t be the butch I am today. I owe a lot to lesbians and lesbianism, and am proud to call myself one. Reading stone butch blues was extremely eye opening to me, because it proved to me that I can be as masculine as I want, as internally male as I feel, and still find a home in lesbianism.

Most days, I do feel like a man. I experience gender dysphoria and find that a lot of my experiences also align with that of ftm folk. I look in the mirror and see a man already (on top of the fact that I just literally think I already am a man), so at the moment I haven’t decided to start hrt for that reason. I know it must sound odd to hear me say I’m a man, but I simply have no other way of putting it. I resonate deeply with butches who pass completely as men; I resonate with lesbians and butches who medically transition. My internal gender just feels very binary male. So I reconcile all of these complicated feelings by using he/him pronouns. Being called a lesbian or a dyke makes me happy. I embrace my dual identity, which is why I call myself a boydyke. It brings me so much joy to call myself that!!

There are plenty of other he/him lesbians out there that I know who share similar experiences as mine. Some of us just have such complicated genders that it even throws *us* off. Gender variance and gender fuckery has always existed in lesbian spaces. You don’t see this kind of policing in gay male spaces at all. But years of lesbian separatism and t*rf bs will regress the community to the point of people calling me transphobic for just existing as a trans person lol

#anon #the point is I use the words I do because they make me happy and make me feel seen #i wouldnt call myself these things if they hurt me #i am a boy and i am a lesbian #simple as that #and i know other ftm folk won’t resonate with this at all #im not trying to push this idea that all trans men are lesbians #that’s horrifying #but is it so bad if *im* that trans boy who is a lesbian? #why cant i be many things at once if they all feel good to me #if they all bring me joy why pick just one? #i love being a butch #and i love being a boy #anyway thanks for asking #also not all he/him lesbians feel this way #i know there are some who are non-binary and not transmaculine #i am not non-binary #i am he/him in the most binary male way possible Lmfao

[ukftm]

Do I need up-to-date letters to apply for a GRC? Ive been living as male for 9 years, was on T for 3 years, had top surgery 4 years ago and consider myself “fully” transitioned for now. Because I see my medical transition as over and done with, all of my referral and “proof” letters are 4+ years old. Do I need more recent letters from a GP as proof of intent to live as male forever? Or will my old documents suffice? I really dont want to get rejected. Thank you!

Hi Anon,

You will need a mix of letters covering the specified period they are asking for (I think it was 3 years when I applied for mine).

The reports must come from medical professionals as specified in the GRC documentation (usually your GP and whoever gave you a diagnosis of gender dysphoria at the GIC). As these reports are forms that are part of the GRC, then yes your GP and GIC will have to fill out a report each when you apply.

But you’ll also need your name change document and a mix of any paperwork with your ‘male’ name and dates on it. So things like electricity bills, phone bills, certificates, council tax letters, pay slips etc. Basically anything that can show that for the whole period your new name is on everything.

The department that deal with GRC’s are very helpful so if you have any questions or are not sure about anything they are very willing to help.

Also if you do not provide them with everything they ask for they will write out to you to request more information. So it’s not like you’ll be rejected without chance to provide more information.

The 2 reports are important though. So while your GP and GIC don’t have to be overly detailed, they must answer the questions asked in the report or this will be sent back. A letter will not suffice for these, it must be the reports in the GRC that are filled out.

#GRC #namechange

[statecryptids]

I’m struggling to understand how self-image is the root of sexual orientation… how can it be? When we say the penguins are gay, we don’t mean two with the same self image only love each other. We mean two female penguins or two male penguins only pair bond and have sex with others of the same sex. I want to respect people’s right to fantasy and lives but I don’t want to do it while lying to myself and others especially not about homosexuality.

Is there a way to openly acknowledge sexuality is about sex including in humans but accept people will culturally use the labels to cope with their self image not matching their sex.

I already know all about intersex conditions btw. Intersex activism has been a part of my life for a long time. None of them are a third sex. None of us produce a third gamete. We highlight and don’t undermine sex existing and being the basis of things like sexual orientation.

I feel like part of my issue here is between being homosexual and intersex (CAH) is I know too much about this already to accept the regular arguments for why gender — total social construct — is somehow what defines sexuality for everyone. For bi people I get, and for everyone to have or lack gender preferences I get… but that would have to be learned, developed as we get acculturated. Because gender identities are rooted in our culture. Nobody has like, a nb-identity brain vs a man-identity brain vs an agender identity brain. What would that even be? Where would it come from? Wouldn’t that be the definition of bioessentialism — claiming that gender aka how we culturally feel and act is inborn — It’s learned. Meanwhile sexual orientation is inborn from the womb on. It’s neurological.

So then I end up in circles because I am all about respect including respecting beliefs I don’t see as literally true … but like for that to work I need to be allowed to likewise express how I see it and that my respect isn’t the same as endorsing any of it as literally real necessarily. At least not to me if that’s how people want to see it. And that is NOT how this seems to be playing out culturally. I have never experienced anything with less room to say no I don’t believe that in the face of someone claiming something on pure belief.

I’m afraid I don’t entirely understand what you’re saying here. I will say that nobody thinks gender and sexuality are the same thing. Being trans, enby, or cis is indeed unrelated to being bi, pan, ace, gay, demi, or straight. I have heard that taking HRT can sometimes cause changes in sexual attraction, but I don’t have enough information to comment on that.

If this is in regards to my post about “the enby urge”, that was a joke on the “feminine urge” and “masculine urge” memes. I don’t feel like either “masculine” or “feminine” fully fits me so I used “enby”. Mostly I just wanted to express my support for trans folks and tell them they’re awesome.

I’m going to assume your questions about trans people are In good faith and direct you to resources that can answer these questions better than I can. I hope these will give you a better understanding of trans and enby people.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-there-something-unique-about-the-transgender-brain/

https://translifeline.org/resource/coming-out/

There’s also this fantastic explanation from the good doctor:

[honking-up-a-storm]

Love, Sex, Gender

I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships and how my mind works revolving around them. It’s overall confusing and complex and I’m just so frustrated that it is that way. 

Falling in love for me takes a very long time, I really can’t see myself entering a relationship with someone who I don’t know for at least a few years; even then we’d have to be extremely close. Having a partner is something I’ve never actively sought out, when I’m single I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything and hell I almost feel like It’s better riding solo. Though sometimes I fear I’m too independent, yet paradoxically my last two relationships have been extremely co-dependent to a fault. And like, I still experience crushes and like can find celebrities hot or whatever. Like I was really interested in a friend and she was super into me but the soon after we got together it just didn’t feel right, I barely knew anything about her, and she barely knew anything about me it didn’t make sense to me that something like that could happen so fast.

It’s not that I don’t want a partner but I don’t see myself going out of my way to find one either. Idk, It’s like I want it to happen “naturally” in some way, where that line between friends and partners seamlessly transitions. But I feel like that can really fuck me up given that’s a line that should be rather solid. And I’m mad I did attempt to cross that line when I really wasn’t fully sure if it was something I actually wanted. Granted I should have been more open with those feelings but I was really stuck in this state of back and forth where I’d either be frustrated I wasn’t saying how I felt and on the flip side I’d be having days where I was grateful I kept my mouth shut because it wasn’t what I wanted. Even though I did spill in the end, I immediately wanted to take it back because it hit me that it wasn’t what I wanted; of course, I hadda fuck everything up in the process to get to my final conclusion, but I needed that clean break.

Aside from romantic feelings, I’m starting to think I fall somewhere on the ace spectrum sexuality-wise. I haven’t felt attracted to anyone I’ve known in that way since my first boyfriend and even then I don’t think I was all that into him. And I bring this up because like I’m still a virgin and like I'm not sure if it’s just stupid purity culture being bashed into my head, but I would prefer my first time be with someone I really truly love. At the same time, it’s like this idea slams into my head that if I ever do have sex with that “special someone” then the whole relationship from there will be ruined in some way. Which is so strange beacuse I do find sex to be romantic on some level (though if you were to ask a friend they’d say I thought sex was funny as shit for whatever reason which is also true), but yhea to be that close to someone seems really special, how could it possibly ruin things?

I don’t know how to properly explain it, but I think that it could partially be because of my gender identity as well. Like I’m non-binary but I’m leaning on the masc side and most days wish my body was that of a cis man’s. Sometimes I feel like if I was born male I wouldn’t have had this wack-ass mindset. I could just date whoever without thinking, have a body count in the hundreds, whatever. Like shit ik the joke where it's like “Oh bro if you watch the guy in porn that means you're gay” Like no bitch I’m picturing myself as the guy. I always have. Looking back I do find myself being mad at em for not listening to me on how I was talking about my body, what I was thinking about, openly considering things like going on T and getting bottom surgery. Dude always preached about people having different experiences but I guess mine was wrong in some way. I’m already teetering on the rope enough, I don’t need you bouncing on the line. I’m saying it so calmly now but every thought about it recently has been screaming “How dare you tell me how I feel about my body, how dare you of all people, of all fucking people try and tell me what I’m feeling, what I fuckin’ want and don’t want.”  Like yhea physically transitioning is gonna be uncomfortable, the body is being forcefed hormones and going through puberty part 2 now with DLC. I’m not fuckin’ stupid, I know it’s not some magical snap of the fingers (we all wish it was tho). But fuck, the dude was starting T themself, you’d think there'd be more of a “yhea it's uncomfortable but I’m way happier despite that” kind of energy about it, ya know some trans to trans fuckin’ support when I was expressing doubt and hesitation. I’m venting now, sorry, but fuck I think that's when my heart gave up on em despite my head still continuing to be all flip-floppy.

Anywaysssssss. For now I will stick with my Pan-Romantic and Pansexual labels since the way I use it is like “I’ll know it when I see it” kinda deal and like it feels right still, but yhea, I feel like there’s still more things I have to try and figure out about myself about all this. Maybe I’ll try jumping into a relationship kinda spontaneously if the oppurtunity presents itself, see what it’s like for the hell of it.

#Thoughts #romance #sexuality #Do we got any micro lables for this shit? #Pan #panromantic #ace #asexual #questioning #Gender Dysphoria #gender #trans #non-binary #love #vent #pansexual #nonbinary

[lookwhatilost]

i really love it when terfs do this thing where they shoot their worldview in the foot in service of the points they're trying to make.

idk if you guys are aware of this website? collective? thing called "trans widows voices". basically it's a tasteless play on "golf widow" but it's women who lost their marriages because their partner transitioned and decided to extrapolate "this says a lot about our society" from that. it only says a lot about one marriage. i get that this is a really painful position to be in if you're a straight woman and you've been married for a long time, but it doesn't give you license to be a hater.

but the consistent theme of the stories is that the people who are submitting them dance around that, like, their marriages fell apart because they weren't attracted to femininity and stopped seeing their spouses as men. here's an excerpt from a particularly vicious story on the aggregate essay site:

It’s funny how you sometimes don’t miss something until even its very possibility is taken away. There is far more to sexuality than mere physical attraction - and I have learned the hard way that no, I don't "like dick", as I once flippantly said - I like men. Women just don't feature in my spectrum of romantic and sexual attraction. Conversion therapy is rightly decried as an inhumane, even barbaric practice. I would never have imagined there might come a time in my life when I would find myself wishing it was a legitimate thing and that I could access it for myself. [...] And in truth, it is by no means just the physical alteration that has driven the wedge between us. People who transition may say that they are still the same person underneath that they are becoming more fully themselves. While that may feel true to them, from the outside, the person who once existed is gone and a relative stranger stands in their place. People’s personalities can and do change, sometimes dramatically, in the process of transition, not least because of the cognitive dissonance required to maintain the belief that their new identity is really who they were all along.

So here I was. I had lost my lover’s body to synthetic hormones; and I had lost his mind to the cult-like tenets of queer theory and transgender identity politics.

and from an even nastier one:

He also wants us to be two women together; he wants to “act as a lesbian” to me. When he buries his face between my legs he moans with the pleasure of accessing what he wants for himself: I can’t get enough of you. I’m so in love with you, so grateful; I’ll never forget the wonderful gift you’ve given me. At first, it’s wildly exciting.

Then it isn’t. I want my husband back; I want our two bodies to talk together as they used to do. Out of the question: that’s now forbidden. He tells me he hates his male body, rejects male sexual response. He loves “being taken,” “giving himself up.” I don’t recognise his version of female.

they do this vile fucking rigamarole with misgendering and trying to obfuscate it, but at the end of the day, it’s in neon fucking letters to me that they’re icked by lesbian contact. the first excerpt is so, so close to being self-aware, but they’re still like “nah dawg it’s illegitimate”.

i just personally find it hilarious that they’re very intimately aware that trans women are not men but are so allergic to spitting it out. if they were men, you’d still be married? anyone who doesn’t have transphobic brain rot can see through this.

[imagination-theory]

Not trying to start shit but just gonna pour some tea on my opinions 🍵

I think the way big mouth handeled Natalie is good. I mean Natalie being a portrait of bad trans representations because she was grossed out by periods. Are you telling me the first time you got your period you weren’t grossed out by all that blood and clots of uterine lining coming out. It’s fucking gross and I think it’s perfectly acceptable to be grossed out especially if your trans and it’s your first time seeing it. This isn’t me saying that periods are gross and should be shamed it’s natural, it happens, and it’s a damn lie saying it comes out like skittles, but like...come on be real. The first time you see that shit it’s kinda gross...and the subsequently it becomes fascinating and every time after that it just becomes a pain in the ass until you start having sex where it becomes a relief.

Alsssooo you’re saying it’s wrong that Natalie has a male hormon monster. Ok well here’s another hot take but Natalie said she didn’t realize she was trans until she started going through puberty and started becoming aware of herself. Natalie didn’t know her own gender identity because up until this point she had never thought about her identity as a man or a woman. Up until puberty they were just them. And I think Natalie having a male hormone monster is a nice way of explaining the type of Dysphoria many trans kids go through when their body starts going through changes they don’t particularly like. Even in the show we see Natalie tell her hormone monster that she doesn’t like what he’s doing to her. it’s this dislike that pushes her to do some research, discover what it means to be trans, and get herself on some hormone blockers.

We also have to remember that yes we have seen kids have hormone monsters of the opposite sex but we also have to remember that Nick literally had two male hormone monsters before he got Connie. Also because Connie told nick he was her first male child it can be assumed that having a hormone monster of the opposite sex is uncommon and maybe the way they’re assigning these monsters out to children is based on their biological sex and not their gender identity. We have also seen that some kids just don’t have a hormone monster like jay and Lola, we haven’t seen them with a monster so maybe not every kid needs one and only those who are going through a difficult time during puberty get a monster. Either way I don’t think it’s wrong they gave Natalie an over masculine hormone monster because ultimately that wasn’t her and by blocking him out she was taking control over her own body and identity.

I have to respectfully disagree with your criticism on the portrayal of Natalie because I think they did it very well. But I do have to agree that it is wrong to gaslight someone and call them transphobic because they don’t want to fuck you. As someone who very much likes woman I don’t believe it’s transphobic for me to not be attracted to a penis even if it does belong to a trans woman. I can like a trans woman for who she is but I shouldn’t be shamed for not being attracted to her penis because that’s anatomy just doesn’t do it for me, however I think the situation portrayed in the show is a little different. They only kissed and Seth claims it was the best kiss of his life. He really does like Natalie and he doesn’t care that she’s trans he cares about the opinions of others. He’s worried that is if he is seen with her it will ruin his reputation and that’s what makes the whole situation transphobic.

#I have to disclaimer and say that I am not trans but I am still figuring out my gender identity #I am Afab #I recogonize my sex purely on a biological status #but I do not feel like a woman #I do not perform woman hood and the though of because an old woman terrifies me #I want my uterus ripped out #but also I don’t see myself fully transitioning to a male #my gender identity feel like the middle ground of a masculine woman and a feminine man #and I teeter in between the two but I never really settle into one side or the other #so I don’t know what the fuck I am #non-binary? gender fluid? #idk #so maybe I have no right to give my perspective on trans gender issues #but as someone on the lgbt spectrum and has been questioning their gender identity since puberty #I look at a character like Natalie and I just think they’re handeled so well #this isn’t me starting drama #but rather giving an opposing view on the whole situation #big mouth #sorry #this is long

[nothorses]

Interview With An Ex-Radfem

exradfem is an anonymous Tumblr user who identifies as transmasculine, and previously spent time in radical feminist communities. They have offered their insight into those communities using their own experiences and memories as a firsthand resource.

Background

I was raised in an incredibly fundamentalist religion, and so was predisposed to falling for cult rhetoric. Naturally, I was kicked out for being a lesbian. I was taken in by the queer community, particularly the trans community, and I got back on my feet- somehow. I had a large group of queer friends, and loved it. I fully went in on being the Best Trans Ally Possible, and constantly tried to be a part of activism and discourse.

Unfortunately, I was undersocialized, undereducated, and overenthusiastic. I didn't fully understand queer or gender theory. In my world, when my parents told me my sexuality was a choice and I wasn't born that way, they were absolutely being homophobic. I understood that no one should care if it's a choice or not, but it was still incredibly, vitally important to me that I was born that way.

On top of that, I already had an intense distrust of men bred by a lot of trauma. That distrust bred a lot of gender essentialism that I couldn't pull out of the gender binary. I felt like it was fundamentally true that men were the problem, and that women were inherently more trustworthy. And I really didn't know where nonbinary people fit in.

Then I got sucked down the ace exclusionist pipeline; the way the arguments were framed made sense to my really surface-level, liberal view of politics. This had me primed to exclude people –– to feel like only those that had been oppressed exactly like me were my community.

Then I realized I was attracted to my nonbinary friend. I immediately felt super guilty that I was seeing them as a woman. I started doing some googling (helped along by ace exclusionists on Tumblr) and found the lesfem community, which is basically radfem “lite”: lesbians who are "only same sex attracted". This made sense to me, and it made me feel so much less guilty for being attracted to my friend; it was packaged as "this is just our inherent, biological desire that is completely uncontrollable". It didn't challenge my status quo, it made me feel less guilty about being a lesbian, and it allowed me to have a "biological" reason for rejecting men.

I don't know how much dysphoria was playing into this, and it's something I will probably never know; all of this is just piecing together jumbled memories and trying to connect dots. I know at the time I couldn't connect to this trans narrative of "feeling like a woman". I couldn't understand what trans women were feeling. This briefly made me question whether I was nonbinary, but radfem ideas had already started seeping into my head and I'm sure I was using them to repress that dysphoria. That's all I can remember.

The lesfem community seeded gender critical ideas and larger radfem princples, including gender socialization, gender as completely meaningless, oppression as based on sex, and lesbian separatism. It made so much innate sense to me, and I didn't realize that was because I was conditioned by the far right from the moment of my birth. Of course women were just a biological class obligated to raise children: that is how I always saw myself, and I always wanted to escape it.

I tried to stay in the realms of TIRF (Trans-Inclusive Radical Feminist) and "gender critical" spaces, because I couldn't take the vitriol on so many TERF blogs. It took so long for me to get to the point where I began seeing open and unveiled transphobia, and I had already read so much and bought into so much of it that I thought that I could just ignore those parts.

In that sense, it was absolutely a pipeline for me. I thought I could find a "middle ground", where I could "center women" without being transphobic.

Slowly, I realized that the transphobia was just more and more disgustingly pervasive. Some of the trans men and butch women I looked up to left the groups, and it was mostly just a bunch of nasty people left. So I left.

After two years offline, I started to recognize I was never going to be a healthy person without dealing with my dysphoria, and I made my way back onto Tumblr over the pandemic. I have realized I'm trans, and so much of this makes so much more sense now. I now see how I was basically using gender essentialism to repress my identity and keep myself in the closet, how it was genuinely weaponized by TERFs to keep me there, and how the ace exclusionist movement primed me into accepting lesbian separatism- and, finally, radical feminism.

The Interview

You mentioned the lesfem community, gender criticals, and TIRFs, which I haven't heard about before- would you mind elaborating on what those are, and what kinds of beliefs they hold?

I think the lesfem community is recruitment for lesbians into the TERF community. Everything is very sanitized and "reasonable", and there's an effort not to say anything bad about trans women. The main focus was that lesbian = homosexual female, and you can't be attracted to gender, because you can't know someone's gender before knowing them; only their sex.

It seemed logical at the time, thinking about sex as something impermeable and gender as internal identity. The most talk about trans women I saw initially was just in reference to the cotton ceiling, how sexual orientation is a permanent and unchangeable reality. Otherwise, the focus was homophobia. This appealed to me, as I was really clinging to the "born this way" narrative.

This ended up being a gateway to two split camps - TIRFs and gender crits.

I definitely liked to read TIRF stuff, mostly because I didn't like the idea of radical feminism having to be transphobic. But TIRFs think that misogyny is all down to hatred of femininity, and they use that as a basis to be able to say trans women are "just as" oppressed.

Gender criticals really fought out against this, and pushed the idea that gender is fake, and misogyny is just sex-based oppression based on reproductive issues. They believe that the source of misogyny is the "male need to control the source of reproduction"- which is what finally made me think I had found the "source" of my confusion. That's why I ended up in gender critical circles instead of TIRF circles.

I'm glad, honestly, because the mask-off transphobia is what made me finally see the light. I wouldn't have seen that in TIRF communities.

I believed this in-between idea, that misogyny was "sex-based oppression" and that transphobia was also real and horrible, but only based on transition, and therefore a completely different thing. I felt that this was the "nuanced" position to take.

The lesfem community also used the fact that a lot of lesbians have partners who transition, still stay with their lesbian partners, and see themselves as lesbian- and that a lot of trans men still see themselves as lesbians. That idea is very taboo and talked down in liberal queer spaces, and I had some vague feelings about it that made me angry, too. I really appreciated the frank talk of what I felt were my own taboo experiences.

I think gender critical ideology also really exploited my own dysphoria. There was a lot of talk about how "almost all butches have dysphoria and just don't talk about it", and that made me feel so much less alone and was, genuinely, a big relief to me that I "didn't have to be trans".

Lesfeminism is essentially lesbian separatism dressed up as sex education. Lesfems believe that genitals exist in two separate categories, and that not being attracted to penises is what defines lesbians. This is used to tell cis lesbians, "dont feel bad as a lesbian if you're attracted to trans men", and that they shouldn’t feel "guilty" for not being attracted to trans women. They believe that lesbianism is not defined as being attracted to women, it is defined as not being attracted to men; which is a root idea in lesbian separatism as well.

Lesfems also believe that attraction to anything other than explicit genitals is a fetish: if you're attracted to flat chests, facial hair, low voices, etc., but don't care if that person has a penis or not, you're bisexual with a fetish for masculine attributes. Essentially, they believe the “-sexual” suffix refers to the “sex” that you are assigned at birth, rather than your attraction: “homosexual” refers to two people of the same sex, etc. This was part of their pushback to the ace community, too.

I think they exploited the issues of trans men and actively ignored trans women intentionally, as a way of avoiding the “TERF” label. Pronouns were respected, and they espoused a constant stream of "trans women are women, trans men are men (but biology still exists and dictates sexual orientation)" to maintain face.

They would only be openly transmisogynistic in more private, radfem-only spaces.

For a while, I didn’t think that TERFs were real. I had read and agreed with the ideology of these "reasonable" people who others labeled as TERFs, so I felt like maybe it really was a strawman that didn't exist. I think that really helped suck me in.

It sounds from what you said like radical feminism works as a kind of funnel system, with "lesfem" being one gateway leading in, and "TIRF" and "gender crit" being branches that lesfem specifically funnels into- with TERFs at the end of the funnel. Does that sound accurate?

I think that's a great description actually!

When I was growing up, I had to go to meetings to learn how to "best spread the word of god". It was brainwashing 101: start off by building a relationship, find a common ground. Do not tell them what you really believe. Use confusing language and cute innuendos to "draw them in". Prey on their emotions by having long exhausting sermons, using music and peer pressure to manipulate them into making a commitment to the church, then BAM- hit them with the weird shit.

Obviously I am paraphrasing, but this was framed as a necessary evil to not "freak out" the outsiders.

I started to see that same talk in gender critical circles: I remember seeing something to the effect of, "lesfem and gender crit spaces exist to cleanse you of the gender ideology so you can later understand the 'real' danger of it", which really freaked me out; I realized I was in a cult again.

I definitely think it's intentional. I think they got these ideas from evangelical Christianity, and they actively use it to spread it online and target young lesbians and transmascs. And I think gender critical butch spaces are there to draw in young transmascs who hate everything about femininity and womanhood, and lesfem spaces are there to spread the idea that trans women exist as a threat to lesbianism.

Do you know if they view TIRFs a similar way- as essentially prepping people for TERF indoctrination?

Yes and no.

I've seen lots of in-fighting about TIRFs; most TERFs see them as a detriment, worse than the "TRAs" themselves. I've also definitely seen it posed as "baby's first radfeminism". A lot of TIRFs are trans women, at least from what I've seen on Tumblr, and therefore are not accepted or liked by radfems. To be completely honest, I don't think they're liked by anyone. They just hate men.

TIRFs are almost another breed altogether; I don't know if they have ties to lesfems at all, but I do think they might've spearheaded the online ace exclusionist discourse. I think a lot of them also swallowed radfem ideology without knowing what it was, and parrot it without thinking too hard about how it contradicts with other ideas they have.

The difference is TIRFs exist. They're real people with a bizarre, contradictory ideology. The lesfem community, on the other hand, is a completely manufactured "community" of crypto-terfs designed specifically to indoctrinate people into TERF ideology.

Part of my interest in TIRFs here is that they seem to have a heavy hand in the way transmascs are treated by the trans community, and if you're right that they were a big part of ace exclusionism too they've had a huge impact on queer discourse as a whole for some time. It seems likely that Baeddels came out of that movement too.

Yes, there’s a lot of overlap. The more digging I did, the more I found that it's a smaller circle running the show than it seems. TIRFs really do a lot of legwork in peddling the ideology to outer queer community, who tend to see it as generic feminism.

TERFs joke a lot about how non-radfems will repost or reblog from TERFs, adding "op is a TERF”. They're very gleeful when people accept their ideology with the mask on. They think it means these people are close to fully learning the "truth", and they see it as further evidence they have the truth the world is hiding. I think it's important to speak out against radical feminism in general, because they’re right; their ideology does seep out into the queer community.

Do you think there's any "good" radical feminism?

No. It sees women as the ultimate victim, rather than seeing gender as a tool to oppress different people differently. Radical feminism will always see men as the problem, and it is always going to do harm to men of color, gay men, trans men, disabled men, etc.

Women aren't a coherent class, and radfems are very panicked about that fact; they think it's going to be the end of us all. But what's wrong with that? That's like freaking out that white isn't a coherent group. It reveals more about you.

It's kind of the root of all exclusionism, the more I think about it, isn't it? Just freaking out that some group isn't going to be exclusive anymore.

Radical feminists believe that women are inherently better than men.

For TIRFs, it's gender essentialism. For TERFs, its bio essentialism. Both systems are fundamentally broken, and will always hurt the groups most at risk. Centering women and misogyny above all else erases the root causes of bigotry and oppression, and it erases the intersections of race and class. The idea that women are always fundamentally less threatening is very white and privileged.

It also ignores how cis women benefit from gender norms just as cis men do, and how cis men suffer from gender roles as well. It’s a system of control where gender non-conformity is a punishable offense.

#transgender #transphobia #trans #transmisogyny #radical feminism #radfem #feminism #transandrophobia #terfs #tirfs #gender critical #nothorses #cult mention #long post

[bowie-boy]

NOTES: For the first eleven episodes of Community I wasn’t keeping track of trans Jeff moments but I will when I rewatch. I also starred the key trans Jeff episodes (imo of course)

Without further ado...

Every transcoded Jeff Winger moment (I can remember) because he’s a trans man:

1x12*

getting punched in the face is his “male rite of passage” according to Pierce

1x14

“I’ve never been someone’s dirty little secret” the fact that he is now?? Transcoded

“I’m afraid of things getting official. If you say it you might later have to UNsay it.” Jeff was definitely terrified of coming out and realizing he was faking it huh

1x17*

Jeff is uncomfortable wearing short shorts in public and wants to wear his own clothes, he gets very uncomfortable when questioned about it

Abed says Jeff is 30% the trans guy from Boys Don’t Cry

Once again! Gets very defensive when accused of being panties

Coping with hypermasculinity is so trans

1x20

“What is THIS Jeff?” “My chest????” “What are you packing in these pants” “guys-“ this entire exchange is trans

1x25

Jeff being so done with tr*nny dance

That moment of him and Troy with the trans cookie in the same frame >>>

2x01

“An old drinking buddy who may or may not have had a sex change” makes Jeff cut Abed off and ask questions, I think he got nervous

2x03*

Blood test at a physical! Testosterone

2x06

Jeff is very protective over his suit

2x07

Jeff and Troy laughing about Y chromosomes because they don’t have them 😌 (yes Troy is trans too)

2x08

very proud of his chest, doesn’t want to cover it up at all

Jeff is very quiet during the period conversation

(I’m actually writing a fic about Jeff’s coming out that takes place during this episode)

2x10*

Jeff looking so confused and annoyed when Pierce said “I broke my legs not my gender”

Jeff giving Troy a manhood experience for his birthday!!!

2x12

all the women enter the same bathroom as Jeff

2x15

Pierce reading a supportive speech in case Britta is LGBTQ+ and telling Jeff to “wait for the one” he has for him

2x17

Jeff uses nipple guards when running

2x18*

“Abed...can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone else?”

Jeff had to wear a girl’s costume for Halloween

“Everyone kept saying what a pretty little girl. After a while, I stopped correcting them. What was the point?” Wow TRANS

2x21

“You disqualified yourself from this conversation [about women] the second you decided to grow a wang” “I regret nothing”

3x04

Jeff keeps his toiletries in a safe

3x05

Jeff being a vampire is transcoded I don’t elaborate

3x06* (this is just a great Jeff ep in general)

Threw a gay party and it was great

His dad fucking DISOWNED HIM?????

3x09*

“foosball was just masculine enough to get by without throwing it catching”

Jeff had a pony tail as a kid

“I changed my clothes, my hair, my personality”

“Foosball is how I defined myself as a man”

Jeff wearing a hoodie at the end of the episode?????

3x12*

Jeff “has bad posture and sometimes looks like he has boobs” according to Britta, a statement which made him uncomfortable and deflated his self esteem

Jeff really wants the award for most handsome young man

3x13-14

Flannel

3x17

“A man’s got to have a code. I can only assume a woman has an equivalent to that, like a codette or something” okay trans

3x19

Jeff really doesn’t like being separated from his jackets

4x01

I just think Jeff leading a dance with another man who is in drag is very trans coded okay

4x02

Jeff is so obsessed with his body that he must be a trans man proud of his transition

4x05*

“Jeff’s at the point in his life where he needs a strong father figure to come out to” is this not canon trans man

“You seem like a self made man.” “I mean, I kind of had to be.”

The entire scar thing

Jeff’s stepbrother or half brother or whatever being too “soft” for his father to like?? But Jeff who is hypermasc still not being enough????? Okay canon trans

4x07*

Jeff is really enjoying his manly barber shave

4x10

everyone bought Jeff a hoodie for Christmas

4x11

Jeff is really scared of commitment to things regarding permanent choices or his own identity, maybe he struggled with this for his transition when he was younger

5x04

Jeff “would rather look at himself naked than the people he sleeps with” because he’s proud of his transition

5x07

Jeff and Duncan did a boys’ night! Maybe Duncan knew him before he transitioned and it made Jeff uncomfy until now

5x08

“my penis needs no enlargement” proud of his transition af

5x11*

Jeff is/was obsessed with GI Joe which was like Thee boys’ cartoon

He can’t visualize his future which is trans

They bought him an it’s a boy mug 🥺

6x04

Jeff is really supportive of the dean’s sexuality, literally trans

Like Frankie is basically canonically a lesbian or at least queercoded

The dean is canonically queer

Why else would Jeff be there if not for the fact that he’s trans

6x05

Jeff getting mad when someone says he hits like a girl and taking his shirt off

6x06

Jeff is stressed about his emails being leaked —> he got outed?

6x08

Jeff is really proud of his scenes in the movie, he wants the world to see him fully transitioned and how manly he is

6x10

Jeff hoodie trans

He won’t shut up about cars because he wants to seem big and manly

Also in general his halloween costumes are all hypermasc. I think the study group really helped Jeff feel better about his gender identity and really made him feel safe. Thanks for reading!

#jack’s posts #community #jeff winger #trans jeff winger #trans jeff #long post

[fly-flower-fanfics]

I liked the previous one i requested so much I wanted to come to you for my new request. May i request a Spencer Reid x Male/ftm reader (your choice) where the MC has previously long hair and one day he walks to work with a buzz cut? The rest is up to you. And thank you just for reading the ask

Absolutely! I love this honestly. I’ll try and do it justice for you. 🥺👉🏼👈🏼 I’m also sorry it took so long. Things have been hectic lately... I know it’s not a super long fic, but I hope that it’s still worth the wait!

Buzz Off

Spencer Reid x Trans Male Reader

Warnings: Slight transphobia mentioned

~~~~~~~~~

I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply. Today was the day I was actually doing it. I was actually getting a hair cut. Not that it was a big deal to anyone else, but it was to me, making today a big day.

I had been out as trans for almost fifteen years now, coming out when I was sixteen years old. The team didn’t really know I was trans as I had gotten top surgery and started testosterone by then.

The only ones who knew I was trans was Spencer and Hotch. Spencer knew because I wanted to be honest about my past with him. Hotch knew because I’d had to explain some slight complications in my old information.

However, regardless of all that, I never got rid of my long, almost waist length hair.

I was always holding onto a little piece of my past. My parents had been very transphobic toward me, never allowing me to cut my hair or buy masculine clothing. I had to do everything all by myself once I had moved out. Yet I kept my long hair in an attempt to please my parents even after I changed.

It didn’t work, and they dropped all contact with me. Today, I had finally gotten up the courage to cut my hair as I had always wanted to: a buzz cut. Nothing too dramatic, but dramatic enough to match my personality. And it was long overdue for a change.

I opened my eyes, smiling a bit to myself as I got out of the car and locked it. I hadn’t yet gotten a call from Hotch saying I needed to come in, so I hoped I’d have enough time to get this hair cut.

Once I sat in the chair and the coat-like covering was draped over me, I couldn’t stop smiling. I explained to the hair dresser, Debi, exactly what I wanted, and she was obviously excited for me. That made me feel all the more excited for it myself. I had been going to her for years and for years she had been trying to get me to loosen up and cut my hair.

We had been high school friends, so she knew all about my transition and why I never had cut my hair. But now, she was super excited, hyping me up the whole time.

I kept my eyes closed most of the time, not wanting to spoil the surprise. I was hoping, praying, that it would look good on me. It was hard to focus on the doubts when Debi kept saying how handsome I looked and how Spencer was absolutely going to melt when he saw me.

Spencer and I had been dating for about a year now. He knew of my being trans and how my parents treated me. He never met them, and granted, he didn’t want to. However, he fully supported me not cutting my hair, even though he wasn’t a huge fan of why I wasn’t.

“You’re all set, hun!” Debi exclaimed, putting her razor down. She stood in front of me as I opened up my eyes. “Are you ready?!”

I nodded eagerly, and she stepped aside, allowing me to look in the large mirror in front of me. My jaw dropped as I saw my reflection.

It was perfect.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I reached up to touch the shaved spots. The short hair looked absolutely perfect on me, and I’d be lying if my self esteem didn’t skyrocket because of it.

“Thank you so much, Debi. I love it. I should’ve listened to you sooner.”

She gave me a pointed look, but couldn’t stop herself from smiling as well. “Did I not tell you so?”

At that moment, my phone went off. I checked it, seeing as it was for work. “You did, Debi. But duty calls. Let me pay you so I can get outta here.”

Within three minutes, I was back on the road. I was smiling the whole time I drove. Part of me felt a little guilty for being so giddy since there had been a murder, but I eased my conscience by reminding myself I was giddy over my own personal experiences and the team seeing me, not the murder itself. I only wanted to see the team’s reactions.

I walked into the bullpen, my eyes darting around wildly as I tried to avoid eye contact with everyone. Suddenly, I felt very, very shy, and I was overly aware of the cool air on the back of my neck. Has it always been this cold in here?

“Oh. My. Goodness.” Garcia was the first to notice me. She rushed up to me, a bright smile on her face. “Oh! Look at you!”

Her excited exclamations tugged over JJ and Emily’s attention. Both of them smiled at me.

“Hey, lookin’ good, Y/N,” JJ said. “Suits you.”

“I like it. Different than what I’m used to seeing you with, but it looks really good on you,” Emily said, nodding in approval.

“Thanks, guys,” I replied with a light blush dusting my cheeks.

Derek was the next to come in and notice me. “Hey, hey, hey! Look at you! Gettin’ all snazzy with a new hairdo. New you; I’m digging it.”

I laughed and nudged him with my shoulder as he reached out to fluff what was left of my hair. “Thanks, Derek.”

Hotch came in, took a glance at me, and gave me a small smile and nod. “Ready for work?” It wasn’t much of a reaction, but after working with Hotch for this long, I knew that was his approval. He was proud of me.

All of us got up to go to the conference room when a soft gasp took my attentions way from Hotch and the others.

Spencer was standing behind me, his lips parted in a slight shock. It then turned into a large smile as he walked up to me and took my hands in his.

“You did it,” he mumbled softly, bringing a hand up to my cheek.

“Yeah,” I breathed out softly. “It was time. Long overdue, if I’m being honest.”

He ran his hand up the side of my face, rubbing it over my head. His smile widened, if that was even possible. “God, you look so good.”

My cheeks darkened with a blush. “Yeah. I think I’ll miss the man bun, though. Maybe at a later date, I’ll get it back. But for now? For me? Yeah... I do look good.”

Spencer pulled me into a tight hug, placing a kiss on the top of my head. “I’m so proud of you, Y/N. So proud,” he whispered.

Tears pricked my eyes. It was so satisfying and freeing to let that last but of past me go. To let it disappear forever. To finally be me. I clutched his shirt tightly, reveling in his soft praises.

“Thank you, Spence.”

A throat cleared, and the two of us separated, seeing Hotch standing outside the door of the conference room. He gestured to the file in his hand with his eyes.

“I am very glad you guys had this moment together. It’s a good move for you, too, Y/N. But evil does not wait for a haircut. Please, both of you, join us.”

My entire face heated, and I nodded quickly. “O-of course. Sorry, sir.”

Hotch gave me a small smile before disappearing back into the room.

I took Spencer’s hand. “I guess we better get in there; he is right.”

Spencer gave my hand a small squeeze and pressed another kiss onto my forehead. “He is. Maybe we can celebrate later tonight after the case.”

I laughed a little bit as we walked to the room. “Don’t have so much hope for the ease of this case. You should know better, Spence! You of all people.”

He let out a light laugh. “Perhaps. I’m just really happy for you.”

I took a seat beside him around the table as Penelope began to show the pictures and explained what we knew about the case.

I was happy for me, too.

#x male reader #gay #spencer reid x male reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid x trans male #x trans male reader #x trans reader #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds x male reader

[kiwipharmer]

Welcome

Some people have appeared to stumble across my blog in their pursuit to learn more about me, so allow me to break the ice here.

I have a very complicated past, I've gotten to draw out a little comic to help describe my experience a little better.

you can view it here. but if you prefer words then I'll start explaining to the best of my ability.

I am Ame. my name was an awkward typo of Amaterasu, which funnily enough ended up sticking. I am biologically male but I identify as female, and, as strange as it may seem, I do not have a face.

well, I mean I DO, but I don’t really identify with it... erm, let me just start from another place.

I’ve grown up with a lot of trauma that caused body dysphoria and Dissociation. In other words, i share my body and mind with another identity. however, It’s not similar to DID (Dissociative identity disorder) or OSDD (Other specified Dissociative Disorder) because I do not have amnesia or episodes of possession. Because of my body dysphoria, I am constantly disconnected from my body, taking on a form entirely separate from it all together as i watch and interact with my other identity as they control our body. 

In this sense, we both have a perception of the world that we observe simultaneously. two different perspectives going on in one body at the same time.

I am slightly capable of controlling the body myself, but only very minor things, like typing and playing video games. It’s more like puppeting than being in the body, because I mirror concepts in my own space in the world. Though, there are instances where i get too entranced into something I'm doing and end up inhabiting too much of the body, and before i realize it, I'm actually *in* the body controlling it.

 If i see our reflection or i look down at the hands when I'm in this state, my sense of self becomes distorted, and i start panicking and freaking out. I have to fully dissociate myself from the body at that point all over again to maintain my sanity. Its also because of this that I've considered myself mute, because in my dissociated state, i have already formed an entire identity, from body to voice. If I try to talk though the body, our voices sound too different, and my state of panic kicks in again.

So I am perpetually disconnected from our body. Hence, why i say i do not have a face. 

well.. I do, but its not visible. the “me” that I see is only one that I can see, I do my best to draw and describe myself to people, but at the end of the day, I exist more as a concept of a person rather than a real person.

And yea... I’m sure some would chalk it up to delusion, or role playing, or denial.

rejection, schizophrenia, etc. There is a plethora of things people can say about me. and they’re all free to believe what they want. You’re free to believe what you want about me.

but I am me. regardless of what people think otherwise. When i look at myself, when I perceive myself, I see something that is me. And that is all I want to be.

No, I will not transition. It is not my body alone. I share this body.

No i will not seek help to be “normal”. Normal is subjective, and its not something I'm interested in.

No, I will not sit down and let you try to convince me otherwise of any part of who i am. I’ve done enough of that already.

This is who I am. And I am going to finally be free to be me.

the me who doesn’t fit in anywhere.

the me who does whatever she wants without a dam what you think.

the me, who lives for me.

and that's it. Thanks for reading. There's plenty of “me” in this blog, so feel free to browse if you’re curious.

or not. Most people don’t actually read that far. This is more for me anyways, so I can finally move on from the redundancy of explaining who I am to people.

#system stuff #plurality #dissociation #identity #blog #my final post

[juneviews]

i hope you don’t mind me replying to the other anons question but i don’t think we can ignore that fetishization is a huge part of why fans will consume all things bl. if it was just about wanting lgbtq+ content we would see the same attitude with gl shows which we just don’t. while there are far less gl shows in comparison that should only make it easier for fans to watch every gl show available to them. (1/2)

there was a time where bl wasn’t being mass produced and was quite inaccessible but fans still found a way to watch all of those shows however they don’t seem willing to do the same for gl and i have to assume that’s partly due to them fetishizing gay relationships. (2/2)

absolutely anon, honestly you probably know I'm a huge complainer of the lack of wlw representation from an industry that profits hugely from exploiting mlm relationships. there is absolutely a part of fetishization, even though a good chunk of the fandom are lgbtq+ themselves. I've talked about in my "lack of thai gl" video which is currently my most watched ever, & I've also been planning to write a video titled "why is lgbtq+ representation so male-centered?", but the reason I haven't yet is bc I don't really KNOW fully why. I think part of it is that a lot of straight women only want mlm content which then YES, is fetishization to a certain extent, but I also think that we've all been so used to our heroes, our protagonists being male, that we tend to relate to & empathize better with male characters. men are put off from liking anything that centers women at its core, while women are far more encouraged to like male things & it's more globally accepted. on top of that, I think what personally attracted me to bl romances at first, was that there's no women in them. I think we as women are so raised to compare ourselves to other women, we're made to aspire to look like one singular beauty standard that contains no exception, that having a romance where firstly we can't compare ourselves to the female lead bc there's none, and where the more toxic tropes of most romances don't matter as much bc you don't feel as concerned, was more enjoyable for me for a long while. of course I later realized that watching mlm relationships also allowed me to explore my own queerness without women being the center of it, which is something I now seek bc I've finally figured myself out, but at the time would’ve felt uncomfortable bc of my own denial of my bisexuality. anyways kinda rambling now, what I mean to say is that we 100% need to acknowledge how present fetishization is in bl bc it definitely is there, but I also think there are many reasons why bl is so popular, & why gl is not. hopefully though, since bl has slowly transitioned from a genre created by & for straight women to something that, even when not necessarily wanting to, caters to a whole lot of queer people, we can only hope that gl is finally gonna start gaining some popularity soon as well. though sadly, as always, anything centering women always arrives years later compared to male-centered content 🙄

xxx

#answers #thai gl #i feel like this answer is a bit all over the place sorryyy I hope everyone gets what i wanna say

[qlala]

Hi here's my money for that Barry and Len "guilt versus shame" essay. Thanks! 💰💰���💰💰 (I drew the dollar signs on the bags myself. I'm crafty)

Anon when I said essay, I meant essay. But alright. Here you go. for you and your hand-drawn dollar signs. Come, take this journey with me. (A journey of character analysis for fun—please, no one take this as reliable psychology.)

As I said, I consider the main conflict between Barry and Leonard not one of good versus evil, but of guilt versus shame. Specifically, the difference between them is that Barry is a character motivated by guilt, while Len is motivated by shame.

(And to get this out of the way - I’m not talking about sexuality, but how Barry and Len relate to the world and other people. I don’t think Len is the least bit ashamed of his sexuality; Wentworth Miller has always said that Len is someone who knows exactly who he is, and I think that’s true).

A more accurate way of talking might be to say that guilt-driven characters are motivated by love, while shame-driven characters are motivated by respect.

I’m going to start with Barry, because guilt-motivated characters tend to be much more straight-forward than shame-driven characters. Barry grew up (with some bumps along the way) in supportive, loving homes. His parents, and later Joe, always treated him with love, which allows Barry to love himself and other people.

Treating children with love is the most basic respect their guardians can afford them, and they’ll always have that basic core of respect to fall back on in the face of outside adversity. (Barry is remarkably hard to ruffle with insults—antagonists always have to target the people he loves, because he just… does not rise to the bait when it’s just his own pride on the line.)

This kind of early exposure to love and respect are fundamental to being able to feel guilt about harming others later in life. Barry was raised to respect and love other people (in the general, “love your fellow man” sense), so he would feel guilty if he hurt someone innocent. The core sense of self-respect and self-love that Barry developed in childhood means Barry’s sense of self can always take the hit when he feels guilty about hurting other people.

Guilt makes us feel, temporarily, unloveable. But because Barry was raised to feel fundamentally deserving of love, he can afford to feel briefly unloveable when he hurts other people—it just means he needs to make amends, and then he’ll be worthy of that love again.

That’s why Barry’s a guilt-driven (or love-driven) character: when he interacts with the world, the thing he’s most afraid of losing is love. He’s never been put in a position where he feels like what he’s missing is respect.

And that’s where he and Len differ. Len’s not guilt- or love-driven; he’s shame-driven.

Len appears to feel zero guilt for hurting innocent people, at least when we first meet him in season 1. And the reason for that is Lewis. As I mentioned, love is a prerequisite for guilt. And unlike Barry, Len wasn’t brought up in a loving home. I highly doubt that Lewis’s love for Len was ever freely given, even before he became physically abusive. And if it was, that sense of self was absolutely ripped away from Len when that abuse started.

As I mentioned, treating children with love is the most basic respect their guardians can give them. By withholding that love, Lewis taught Len that he was inherently worthy of neither love nor respect. Raised in that environment, where violence was the way Len saw power exerted over others, the natural response was for Len to seek out respect, not love. He had nothing to gain from loving others—and therefore, from feeling guilt—because he’d already been taught he could survive without love. What he couldn’t survive without was respect, because disrespect meant becoming the object of violence—first from his father, and later, from the criminal justice system.

(Prison is a conversation for another day, but suffice to say, the dehumanizing treatment incarcerated people face parallels that childhood lack of love, robs them of the self-respect and self-love they need to have healthy relationships with other people, and increases the likelihood that they’ll commit violent crimes, not reduces it).

So Len did whatever it took to survive, and survival meant accumulating respect. There’s an obvious cure to this obsession with respect, of course: 1) love, and 2) safety.

Now, as eager as I am to jump into how Barry helped Len break the cycle of violence, Barry’s not the source of love I want to talk about here. Barry comes in later; when I talk about the love that saved Leonard, I’m talking about Lisa.

Because, listen—I’m as exhausted as you are by the trope of “female loved one is male character’s humanity,” especially where, like in some of the Flash comics, it means killing off Lisa to make Leonard a more ruthless (and, I guess the the theory goes, interesting?) villain. But Lisa isn’t just some crack in Len’s armor; she fundamentally changed Len’s life when she was born.

Len was already somewhere between thirteen and sixteen by the time Lisa was born; for the sake of convenience, let’s put him around 15. (For some more detailed meta about the Sniblings' ages, check out this excellent post by @coldtomyflash). If Len was five when Lewis went to prison, and ten when Lewis came out a much more violent man (see: everything I said about prison earlier), that means Len experienced several years of incredibly traumatic treatment before Lisa was born.

He and Mick were in juvie together at least once when Len was still young enough to be “the smallest kid in there,” and Len was nearly killed. Mick saved him, yes, but the experience had to further numb Len to guilt and reinforce that violence and respect were the only real paths to survival.

And then, Lisa. Len clearly, canonically loves Lisa from the moment she’s born. We know nothing about either of their mothers (and it is pretty likely, given the 15-year age gap between them, that they have different mothers), but they’re clearly both out of the picture—Lisa says Len raised her. Len raised her! Fifteen years old, three years away from being free and clear of Lewis’s house forever, and Len stays to raise her.

Lisa is absolutely the one person keeping Len from sliding fully head-first into the path carved for him by Lewis and reinforced by the prison system. He is still primarily shame- and respect-driven—we see him kill people without any guilt, hell, he tries to derail a train with children on board in season one just to see what Barry will do.

But Lisa taught Len that he’s deserving of love and capable of loving others, and because of that, Len cannot, will not respect Lewis for his violence he rains on them both.It leaves open a door in his mind: Lisa doesn’t deserve to be treated that way, which could mean, if he could ever afford to consider it, that he didn’t deserve to be treated that way, either.

It’s why Barry is so unbelievably smug at the end of “Family of Rogues.” He’s figured it out; he wouldn’t put it in terms like guilt and shame, but he’s cracked it all the same. He always knew Len was like him, was someone who had been forced into violence by his circumstances, and now he has proof. Barry is remarkably unconcerned that Len shot Lewis; he’s briefly surprised, sure, but by the end of the episode he’s visiting Len in Iron Heights and goading him about the good in him.

And that’s where Barry comes in. He’s the crucial second ingredient to that cure for shame—he’s the safety.

He blazes into Len’s life and praises him for things no one else ever praised him for: for his morals, for his mercy, for the way he loves Lisa. He gives him an acceptable out to stop killing (he appeals to his vanity, says he’s good enough at what he does that he doesn’t need to hurt innocents, and they both know it’s an excuse), and he makes it clear that he respects not Len’s capacity for violence, but his desire to escape the need for it.

He also offers Len protection to start making that transition. Len knows, even if neither of them say it, that Barry would drop everything to help him if he called. When Len’s reluctant do-gooding puts him in harm’s way, like with King Shark in ARGUS, Barry does drop everything. He gives up a tool that could save Iris’s life to save Len’s instead. This is not me hating on westallen at all—Barry’s sense of obligation to Len is just that strong. He knows he’s put Len on slippery ground by helping extract him from the safety net he’d built himself out of violence.

And that’s Barry’s guilt drive in action—because yeah, he loves Len. He cares about him, and he respects him, and that’s love to Barry. He just wants to give Len the chance to love people that way, too. And in the end, Len, despite all his misgivings, ends up letting him.

#and then he. and then he d. he di- #i'm going to go stare into the ocean #leonard snart #barry allen #coldflash #to an extent. and that extent is that i think they should kiss on the mouth #lisa snart #the sniblings #abuse mention tw // #meta #i might get into how barry's childhood tracks a little closer to len's than i gave him credit for in this post but like #another post for another day

[beelspillowpet]

If your requests are open and your willing to, would you be able to do the brothers reacting to a trans MC? 👉🏻👈🏻 preferably female to male, but either way is fine! Sorry if your not comfy with this type of request >~<

Anon, just because you were afraid that I would turn down your request, I am going to PROVE to you how much it doesn’t bother me I'm going to do the 7 brothers AND the side characters. Because you BETTER BELEIVE we have a cast of supportive people!! Yessir!!!

I myself am the twin sister of my late twin brother, who was also FtM! I’ll be using his memory as inspiration, if you do not mind? Thank you for requesting this!

~

Lucifer

At first he presumed you were just not girly. He didn't really mind your behavior or way of dressing, so long as you got your tasks done on time and were on your best behavior.

When you cut your hair and stopped wearing that nail polish (despite Asmo’s pleading) he still thought nothing of it. You wore pants, and started trying your best to drop hints, and thankfully, Lucifer isn’t an idiot.

So what you’re telling me is that we’ve made you uncomfortable when referring to you as a woman? If that is the case, MC, then we would be more than happy to refer to you as anything you request. You only need to say the word.

He is dedicated to making sure you’re happy and comfortable here. He and his brothers may be demons, but they aren’t heartless. They were once angels too. He goes through the process with you, if you were shaky or unsure of what to do in the past. If you want HRT, surgery, need a new wardrobe, he and his brothers will be the first to provide. Whatever to keep you happy in your skin.

Mammon

Oh. Honestly speaking, he’ll still love you regardless of what form your body takes. He liked the way you looked, but secretly he can’t wait to see how you’ll look after you transition.

Before we even get to that point though, it takes a lot of hint dropping for him to get it. And even then, he has to go and ask the others what you’re trying to tell him. Of course he gets picked on a little bit for it, but once he figures it out he’s really happy you were comfortable enough to tell him.

Hell, he might get a job just so he can help you be able to afford all the things you’ll need to properly transition. Some of the details make him blush quite a bit, and if you’re uncomfortable with touches or any signs of affection during your process of transitioning, he will politely refrain from making his human uncomfortable.

He’s taking you to Majolish and you are going to get your ENTIRE wardrobe redone. Courtesy of The GREAT Mammon! You should feel grateful that he’s working this hard to make you happy. I mean c’mon, he LOVES you! He can’t wait to love you more after you’ve become the man you always were deep down inside.

Leviathan

He does notice that you act different from other women. Not that he minds it, not at all. His Henry is still the same old Henry. Just a little bit different. He’s a little bit different too, there’s nothing wrong with that. Right?!

It’s when you start preferring to be called Henry as opposed to your birth name, do the cogs start churning in his brain. He would have suspected at first that maybe you just were very good friends with him and loved TSL almost as much as him.

He’s seen a few heart-warming anime about it. Specifically one about a girl becoming a boy, and the struggles he went through while attending school. The title wasn’t too important to him, but now that he had a reference for what you were dealing with, he was a bit happy. He just wanted to wait until the moment was right to bring it up to you. Perhaps his Henry was really a Henry after all!

When the moment comes, he’s proud to say the least. He throws his arms around you happily, and promises to be there by your side every step of the way. He’s not exactly rolling in money, but an Otaku finds a way. The Lord of Shadows is your best friend ever, and he can’t wait to see the before and after pictures of your full transition!

Satan

It started with a book you read with him. He didn’t fully comprehend your situation, but he knew you didn’t act like normal girls. It reminded him of a character in a book he read a few weeks ago. The guy didn’t really act like a girl.

While sweet and thoughtful, this character didn’t hit the nail on the head in some ways. When talking over the book with you, you explained just as much to him. The energy was there, but it was backwards for you. He picked up on it immediately.

So what you’re telling me is, you understand this characters struggle with themselves, and can relate to it. But something about it is backwards? A little smile appears on his face as it fully dawns on him. MC, I think I’ll be able to assist you in any way you need.

With Satan’s wonderful connections across the entire Devildom, it wasn’t long before you were getting some of the best treatment possible. The prices seemed a bit scary, but he assured you everything was being taken care of behind the scenes. If you needed to worry about anything, it would be the tiring, long process to come with transitioning. He’ll be sure it goes relatively smoothly for you, though!

Asmodeus

Oh he gets it immediately. Darling why didn’t you just say so in the first place?

He’s dragging you back to your room, rambling the entire time about how he can’t wait to take you out and go shopping. He puts together a devious little page to gather up donations and the like to support your transitioning. His fans would be HONORED to pitch in, right?

In the mean time, he stops pampering you with makeup and his other routines that you used to tolerate for the sake of being cordial. He still pushes for the nail polish, since gender is simply a social concept and he’s ready to crush it into dust any chance he can get. But it’s not about him, it’s about you.

Soon your room is painted a new color, your dresses and skirts and frilly outfits are tossed out for more appropriate attire for your sex, and he’s taking photos for his Devilgram page to show everyone how beautiful you are, even while going through the long process!

Beelzebub

You and Beel got along fabulously. He seemed astonished that a female was interested in all these manly habits he indulged in. He heard from some of the guys on his team that you were interested in playing Fangol. As evidenced by how you always showed up to his practices and games, no matter if they were home or away.

He figured you were just a really big fan of sports. But then you even started working out with him, and giving him suggestions and tips on how to get even more out of his workouts at the gym. You were really passionate about this.

Let’s not kid ourselves, he probably does not pick up on any of the signs. You have tot ell him, and you have to tell him firmly. You are a man, just like him. When you do tell him, however, he’s eager to help you transition. Imagine having another guy in the house who loves Fangol as much as you do!?

He isn’t much aside from emotional support through the transitions, and he coddles you when you have those bad days. If you want to eat something, he’ll rush to the kitchen and cook you a full meal before you move an inch. You’re allowed to lay in bed today. Let him handle the heavy load of work for you.

Belphegor

Oh wow, look at that. He picked it up almost immediately.

I mean, there’s no way a girl would act the way you do, right? Dress the way you do. Be the way you are. He doesn’t care though, and just wants you to be happy. If that means you transition into a man, then hell, he’s on board with you.

He may be a lazy bastard, but he knows when it’s time to get up and work hard to get something. That was what he was like as an angel, anyways. Working at Hell’s Kitchen is the worst, and you hear him complain about as much, but he smiles and assures you that it’s all for a good reason.

His final gift to you to apologize about the Incident, is money. Now at first glance it seems like something Mammon would do. Probably. In reality though, this is the money that will be going towards your HRT. He doesn’t know if you want to fully transition or not, but if you want that top surgery, he can help pay for that too. He’ll do anything to make sure you’re happy and healthy in your own body.

Diavolo

It really is a house of men, isn’t it?

He’s glad though, truly, that you were comfortable coming to him about it. Don’t bother ever opening your wallet to pay for any therapy, medication, or surgery. As the Prince of the Devildom, he would be more than happy to get you doctors of all sorts to help you. No questions asked!

It might be a bit overwhelming at first, but the news is exciting. If the Prince accepts you so readily, it gives you hope that other demons will as well. Pretty soon you’re going through your processes, and Diavolo couldn’t be happier to see it happening.

You really is a wonderful guy, and he’s glad he’s getting to experience the changes you take in your life. 

Barbatos

To say he didn’t suspect this would be an understatement.

Ever silent and respectful though, he never spoke a word of it. You are probably uncomfortable with people assuming it, even though it’s true. An insecurity that humans seem to deal with, although unfortunate.

However, when the news is broken during a meeting between you, Lucifer, he, and the Prince himself, a smile creeps on his face.

He’s happy to hear that you are so comfortable speaking about this sort of thing. He knows it must be tough, having hidden your true feelings for so long. He prepares a delicious tea with small treats, to celebrate your coming out, and transitioning.

Simeon (and Luke)

Oh dear. God loves you, still. Don’t worry about this. He doesn’t see you as an imperfection.

They assures you constantly that you have their full support, and that will never change. You are not broken, you are not unwanted, and you are not strange. You are a regular trans man in their eyes, and they will defend you on that.

Simeon almost takes on a fatherly role to you, wanting to make sure everything goes as smooth as possible. He probably has done a bit of research in preparations for your transition, and all the nasty little side effects that come with it are worrying him.

However, once it’s all over, Luke and Simeon are glad you came out on top. And my, what a handsome man you make!

Solomon

He figured, but didn’t want to assume. I mean, who the hell is he?

He’s got a few spells for this though, make it quick and painless. One wave of a wand and POOF! Woman no more!

Oh but that’s probably dangerous. The shifty bastard. You would much rather do it the regular way; and not have your insides and outsides shifted around by some crazy sorcerer.

He doesn’t protest much, but that does suck. Hehe. Oh well. You can count on him to support you through it all!

#obey me #om! #obey me headcanons #obey me swd #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #obey me luke #obey me solomon