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#and instead i have to watch so many ungrateful people get what i desperately need
andragoras-in-vanity · 5 months
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my head hurts, im bleeding still (more so than before i called ny clinic), im so stressed i want to cry cause i have no support and so much to do and all i want is my person cause everyone is in christmas mode and i cant handle this time of year alone again
#i never leave the house becuase its too exhausting and painful so i never get the chance to meet people#and theres nothing to do here and i swear this is the city of the worlds ugliest men anyway#so theres no reason to leave#and i cant use dating apps cause im trans and the only one thats actually decent to trans people isnt popular#and again some of yall are just the most boring people alive id rather kill myself than subject myself to that#like genuinely i cant fathom how these people are so average and so ugly all at once and all seem to have the same personality#like great okay i like dnd too but why is it your only personality trait#maybe your life isnt as empty as mine but its definitely not interesting either#like...i just want my one person#at this point thats all i want in life anyway cause nothing else is worth the effort#and instead i have to watch so many ungrateful people get what i desperately need#honestly do aby of you know what its like to have no idea when the next time if youll get to kiss someone?#youll get to like someone enough to want to?#but have no idea if or when itll happen when every atom of you feel likes its being ripped apart from want and need and#a history that hates you and your own body being unreliable and in pain?#i want to throw up over it all i cant do this any more and im sick to death of all of you who brag about shit you dont deserve#you had your taste of goodness sit down shut the fuck up and let some of the rest of us whove never had anything get a taste too
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newtthetranswriter · 5 months
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Mike schimt x reader but
as bodyguard!mike x shy!reader
I’m not the best at requesting things so I hope this helps
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Word count: 2040
Paring: Mike Schmidt x Gn! Reader
Summary: After Freddy Fazbear’s, Mike takes a job as a local singer’s bodyguard.
A/n: Thank you for requesting, I enjoyed writing this for you. I hope this is what you were hoping for,but it’s the idea I got from seeing Bodyguard. Anyway keep requesting and have a good day. Just remember to Hydrate or Diedrate.
    Shortly after the events that happened at Freddy Fazbear’s, Mike desperately needed a new job. Sure he could still keep an eye on the place but after all that happened to him and the fact that he almost lost Abby, he decided finding a different job was for the best. Luckily while looking for work he saw a job posting for a bodyguard position. It wasn’t the best job but the details were simple in it was keeping any eye on a local singer who had a somewhat of a large fan base, and had recently started receiving some unsettling messages and just wanted some extra protection. Upon considering it he figured why not as the chance of animatronics being the culprit was pretty slim, so he applied and waited for a response.
    About a week later he received a call offering him the position and requesting he meet with his new boss at Sparky’s dinner. After taking Abby to school he went back home dressed in his best outfit and headed out to meet with the person he would now be protecting. When he entered the dinner and moved to the booth he was directed to by the nerd waiter, he was shocked to see a person wearing a beanie and sunglasses paired with a large coat covering their figure.
   “Excuse me, I’m looking for Y/n.” he said to the figure as they turned to him quickly and looked back at the table. They gave a small nod, motioning him to sit down with them. “So are you Y/n?” Mike received a nod in response. It didn’t take long to figure out that this person was extremely shy and it probably took a lot for them to have even agreed to hire a bodyguard, let alone become popular enough to need one. “Can I ask what it is you would like me to do as your bodyguard?”
   Y/n nodded their head before seemingly realizing they would need to speak to this new person. “I just need you to come with me to my shows on the weekends and keep the creeps away. Nothing has happened yet, but I’d rather be safe. Plus some guy has been sending me mail that says some messed up shit, and I think that if I have someone with me when I go to shows he might stop.” They explained quietly. If Mike hadn’t spent so long with Abby who spoke rather quietly for a while he probably wouldn't have been able to understand what was said, but he understood.
    “Not to sound ungrateful for the job, but why get a bodyguard instead of going to the police?” He asked genuinely confused, if some guy was making threats shouldn’t the police do something.
    Y/n turned away and mumbled a response before looking at the confused man in front of them. “They won’t do anything. I’ve tried but because there is no proof they are real threats they say there’s nothing they can do.” They spoke a little louder this time.
    Mike continued to ask questions about the job, and about Y/n. He learned quickly that they were the lead singer of a local cover band who played at clubs and stuff around. It seemed many people truly enjoyed their music and they apparently had a larger following on the internet as well. Mike also learned that Y/n was always pretty shy and it was their bandmates who pushed them to get a bodyguard. With some sound knowledge of his new job he bid his boss farewell, agreeing to meet them two hours before their next show that friday.
    Friday came quicker than he thought it would. But as the time to meet with his boss came closer he realized he had no one to watch Abby while he was working. Everyone he tried was busy and he cursed himself for waiting until the last minute to find a babysitter for his sister. Running out of time he decided she would have to go with him and hopefully beagle to wait backstage during the show. “Abby come on grab your bag and a blanket, you’re coming to work with me tonight.” Mike shouted as he scrambled to find his keys.
   The young girl quickly grabbed her backpack and blanket excited to see what fun job her brother had now. “What is your job now?” She asked as she got in the car.
    “Just keeping someone safe while they sing for some people. While we are there, either color or sleep, don't go running around, I won't be able to watch you.” he said looking at Abby in the rearview mirror. Receiving a nod he smiled and then headed to the location he was meeting with Y/n at.
    When they arrived they went around the back of the club to the employee entrance Mike had been told to go through. He texted Y/n, informing them that he was there and needed to be let in. After only a few minutes, he was greeted by a familiar face opening the door. Y/n greeted him and motioned for him to come inside quickly, noticing the young girl following behind. 
    “And who is this?” They questioned after greeting Mike. Y/n reached their hand out for Abby to shack.
    Before Mike could respond Abby spoke up. “I’m Abby, my brother forgot to find a babysitter before today and didn’t want to leave me home alone.” She said, shaking the kind stranger's hand.
   “Sorry about this, I hope it’s okay. I totally forgot to find a sitter and it wasn’t a good idea to leave her home, if it’s okay she can just sit in the back and draw or sleep, she won’t be a problem.” Mike went on explaining why he brought his sister to his first day on the job.
   Y/n placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, I understand she can sit in the dressing room, I’ll have some of the kitchen staff bring in some food for her as well.” Y/n explained before guiding the pair to the fitting room.
   After getting Abby settled in the dressing room, Mike sat and watched as Y/n and their band practiced, enjoying the music and completely amazed at how well the different genres of music flowed and worked together. The band played anything from My Chemical Romance to Bon Jovi, even some older country music. It wasn’t necessarily the kind of music you would think would fit a club but after rehearsal Y/n had explained that all kinds of people visited the club and over time requested most of the songs they played in their sets now, and so it evolved into this crazy mixture of music from every genre.
   A few hours later Y/n’s band had finished their performance and decided to enjoy the rest of the night while a different group performed. Mike decided that since he noticed Y/n head to the bathroom he would quickly go in the back to check on Abby. When he got to the dressing room he saw Abby asleep on one of the chairs and headed back out to keep an eye on Y/n. Reaching the busy club he spotted Y/n trying to get a drink from the bar. Keyword there being trying, there was an older man who kept talking to them, completely ignoring the fact they were trying desperately to ignore him.
   Seeing this as one of the things he was hired to help stop he approached the pair. “Excuse me Sir, but I’m gonna have to ask you to leave them alone. They're not interested and I would hate to cause a scene.” Hearing his voice Y/n moved to stand behind Mike. 
   The man that had been bugging Y/n turned to Mike. “And why do you think such a pretty thing isn’t interested in me? What are you their boytoy coming to protect them?” The man sneered at Mike. He then reached his hand out to grab Y/n’s arm. “I think we were having a pleasant chat.”
    Spotting the hand reaching for Y/n, Mike quickly threw a powerful punch into the man’s face, receiving a resounding crack as his nose broke under the force. “They aren’t interested in you because you’re a creep. And I’m just here to keep creepy bags of trash from making them uncomfortable.” With that Mike quickly guided Y/n back to the dressing room apologizing for punching the guy even if he deserved it.
    Once in the safety of the dressing room, Y/n couldn’t help but cry. “Thank you for stopping that guy, he just kept on insisting that he buy me a drink when all I was trying to do was get some water.” They said quietly, having noticed Abby asleep when they came in. Even though they had barely known Mike for a week they couldn’t help but to fall into his chest hugging him thanks.
    Realizing how distressed Y/n was Mike made a decision. “How about you tell your bandmates that I’m gonna give you a ride home, that way you can get out of here and not deal with any more crazy people tonight.” He offered gently running a hand down their back in a comforting way.
    Y/n nodded in agreement accepting the offer and then quickly texted their friends explaining what happened and that Mike would be taking them home. After that Mike gently woke Abby, grabbing her bag and blanket. He guided a half asleep Abby, and Y/n out to his car. He got Y/n’s address from them and proceeded to take them home before going home to sleep himself.
    After a few months of working for Y/n, Mike grew closer to them and found himself hanging out with them even when it wasn’t for work. They had become great friends, and instances like the first night he worked for Y/n happened less and less. It also seemed their band’s fans ahad noticed him not only at the clubs they performed but the online fan base began to notice him in videos and were asking for answers. They all wanted to know who the guy always hanging around Y/n was and why he just suddenly appeared. Don’t even get them started on the theories, most of which were that Mike was Y/n’s boyfriend and they were trying to keep it quiet.
   With the growing speculation, Y/n decided (more like the band told them) that they need to address this with their fans, and asked Mike to join them for a quick Youtube video. Mike met up with Y/n at their apartment, ready to address the concerns. After setting up the cameras Y/n had Mike wait out of shot before starting the video.
   “S-sso we have seen your questions about the guy who can be seen near the stage in all of our videos over the past months, and have decided It’s time to tell you guys the truth. So without further ado this is Mike, My bodyguard.” Y/n motioned for Mike to sit next to them. He gave a small wave to the camera and a quiet hi. “He’s been working for me for a few months because someone was making threats and he’s been at all the shows to make sure nothing happens to me, and he has saved me from so many creeps in that time.” Y/n smiled. “And with the pressure from my Bandmates, and you guys of course I’ve decided to introduce him.”
   They recorded for probably twenty more minutes answering some questions that had been asked over the past few months before signing off and sending the video to be edited. Deciding to not let the day go to waste, Mike Invited Y/n out for lunch and a movie. Maybe he started as just their bodyguard but he was slowly becoming more. If the fans were right about him being Y/n’s boyfriend was unclear right now but it was starting to look like that would soon change. Though they wouldn’t tell them that yet.
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skiyoosmi · 3 years
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if fate permits
⤷ chapter twenty six: spotlight
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It was no surprise to people who always saw Atsumu that his eyes were constantly filled with a glitter that just managed to shine regardless of whether it was day or night. Volleyball, volleyball, and volleyball - perhaps, if you take time to ask these people what they think is the reason for that glitter, that would be their only answer. To those who truly knew him though, their answer might just be a tad bit different. Sakusa YN - from the moment he met you up to the present, a certain gleam seems to appear whenever you are the center of the topic. At least, that’s what Osamu has observed.
Kiyoomi concluded it’s just him unconsciously being a hopeless romantic for you. The grey haired lad remembers him saying it was pathetic, as always. But then again, he couldn’t deny the truth behind your brother’s words.
That said, he also knows that no one would have expected the same set of bright eyes to dull its sparkle. Unfortunately for the two of them (or three if you count Kiyoomi based on how often he visits the two of them now), you managed to take it away from him. There in the couch where you once sat during movie nights laid Atsumu, staring at the endless nothing, tears occasionally welling up his eyes as he remembers you, the way you looked at him as strangers do - empty, loveless, cautious.
It was karma. No matter how many times he tries to repeat it himself, it just doesn’t ease the thorns that prick his heart every millisecond that passes and every time, he just feels so sorry because he knows you felt the same pain before. How have you managed to get through it for more than twenty years? He has no idea because he sure as hell won’t be able to last one more day with it. Still, he can’t do anything but sit, mull over his self-sabotaged fate.
As he drowns himself deeper into his misery, a series of vigorous knocks disturb the twins’ “peace.” Osamu furrows his eyebrows together, a sense of oddness and urgency coming to him because Kiyoomi doesn’t knock that way - even when it comes to announcing his presence, your brother tries to be as prim and respectful as possible, knocking only thrice before waiting for the door to be opened, another three when he thinks no one heard him from the inside. Hence why the continuous knocks annoyed the grey haired.
Still, he begrudgingly sauntered towards the door and opened it, mouth ready to scold the person in front of him but he got beaten to it, “Where’s Atsumu?”
In her usual get up, Yui stood, a very much obvious fake smile plastered on her face and Osamu wanted nothing but to grab her hair and drag her to the deepest parts of hell for making you suffer (no one gets to do that except for him, he’s the only one who has the ‘drinking buddy and best friend’ privilege’).
Mentally, he took a deep breath before mustering the most sincere smile he can give her (it’s strained and forced, he knows it deep down), “Hello, Yui-san. I don’t think today’s the best day to-”
Before he could finish his sentence, Yui shoved past him and walked inside the house, acting as if she owned it. Osamu watched her trudge her way towards the living room in disbelief, fists clenching so hard it was painful already. Oh dear lord, please… just for today, let me strangle this woman… I’m willing to spend the rest of my life in jail if it means I get to do that for YN.
“Atsumu-kun!” She squeals upon seeing the blonde, ungracefully throwing her whole body to him, much to his shock (and annoyance).
“Y-Yui? What the fuck?” He shoves her away from him and backs up, creating a space which makes Osamu cheer quietly and form a devilish smile. Obviously not expecting the unappreciated response to her actions, she huffs, “You didn’t have to push me that hard, jerk Atsumu! That hurt me!”
“Yui-san…” Atsumu sighed exasperatedly, “I’m not in the mood, okay? Just… just leave, please?”
Yui’s smile disappears from her face and soon, an angry expression replaces it, “You’re such an ungrateful asshole, Miya. I’m busy and here I am, making time for you and you’re telling me to leave? Me?! THE Yui you wanted so much before? How dare y-”
“I didn’t ask you to come here, didn’t I? Just fucking read the room, Yui. I don’t like you here, not right now, not ever. I’m sorry but whatever I thought before, I was wrong. So just fucking leave,” he spat, patience running dry because all he wanted was sulk his life away in the couch.
As if finally being enlightened by the current situation, Yui begins to laugh, “Oh. my. god. Did she finally tell you? Wait… did she actually cut your thread? That’s why you look so miserable right now?”
Atsumu stands up from the couch, disbelief all over his face, “You knew?!”
The girl continues to holler her ugly laugh, “Ah, so hilarious! Of fucking course, Atsumu! One look at her pathetic face and I knew. Hell, I didn’t even need a Moira to figure it out. It was so fun, acting all sweet with the clueless you… and there she is, on the verge of tears every time!”
She wipes the fake tears away from her eyes, “But I guess she got tired too. I mean… you’re just so dumb, Atsumu. So hopeless and so easy to play with,” her fingers trace his jawline, rolling her eyes and snickering when he slapped it away from him.
“Now that I think about it again, you two shouldn’t have played Cinderella. You fit more into the criteria of Sleeping Beauty… you’re like Aurora, was it? But like, without the cure of a kiss because you ruined your true love! That’s my curse for you!”
The blonde grits his teeth, tears uncontrollably falling down his cheeks despite his desperation to stop them. Yui sees it and lets out a fake coo, “Aww, look at you, crying. You must be feeling so guilty, huh? It’s okay, I’m here… I can be the princess you’ve always wanted. You just have to behave like the foolish little prince you are.”
Osamu curses, taking a step forward to drag the girl out of their home but a voice stops him from doing so, “Is it fun? Playing with people’s fates like toys?”
Yui and Atsumu whip their head towards the source of the voice and Osamu is filled with relief upon seeing your brother standing, an unamused look on his face. Clearly liking the attention she was getting, Yui replies, “Ooh, what are you all? Avengers for YN? Protection squad or something? But to answer your question, yes! I’m enjoying it very much… but that doesn’t concern you, does it, Sakusa-kun?”
Kiyoomi paused for a second, removing his shoes and leaving them by the door, walking nearer the two, not too close but just enough to show her his height and intimidate her somehow, “You’re right, it doesn’t. If anything, I’m glad it’s all over now so my sister doesn’t have to suffer in between your acts of foolishness. But for some reason,” he trails off, looking down at her and throwing a look of disgust, “I pity you - because your fate is just as fucked up as theirs - your soulmate doesn’t remember you too and looking at you right now, something is telling me that you regret it too… because you have no one left. No Iwaizumi, no Atsumu.”
Judging by the way she glared at him, Kiyoomi feels a sense of accomplishment for hitting right on the nail.
“You-!”
“How unfortunate, Yui-san… the spotlight is not on you anymore.”
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Silence filled the house right after Yui rapidly walked out of the house, a string of curses for your brother flowing out of her mouth. But Kiyoomi couldn’t care any less; instead, he turns to Atsumu who was already looking at him in awe before snapping off his thoughts and mumbling, “Omi… uhm… thank you.”
“I didn’t do it for you,” is the only thing he replies, “I won’t do anything for you...”
Atsumu swallows harshly, the bitter truth making it hard for him to do so, “Right.”
“... at least not anymore after this one,” he finishes, handing the blonde some neatly folded documents. Osamu smiles from where he stood, side-leaning against the doorway leading to the kitchen, as if he already had an idea what the papers were for. His twin’s eyes scan them and as if by a miracle, a familiar glitter appears in them, accompanied by a hopeful expression as he lifts his head and looks at your brother.
“Omi, this…”
“Be ready in three months. I hope you’re not scared of riding planes.”
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note. i'm so sorry for the very very long gap between these updates T_T i swear i'll try to update more frequently now, at least school's being less of an ass these days (don't say sike pls)
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handsmotif · 3 years
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The Queercoding of Pinky and the Brain
This originally was just me infodumping to my friends on discord, but I decided it might be interesting to some people on here, so I polished it up and made it an actual essay lmao
To start, we’re going to break this into 2 sections -- the relationship between the mice, and Pinky’s relationship with gender, because queercoding doesn’t just mean gay!
For a 90′s show, Pinky and the Brain (and its mother show, Animaniacs) was very progressive for its time! But there were still lots of things that they couldn’t slip by censors, and thus, that’s where we have to read between the lines. And that is something I wanted to clarify here before we dive in, the actual meaning of queercoding. It’s NOT the same as queerbaiting. Queerbaiting is when the people producing certain media purposefully dangle the possibility of queer representation to lure in audiences (most prominent examples are BBC Sherlock, Riverdale, and Supernatural I GUESS? who knows abt that last one anymore), but never follow through, purely for profit. Queercoding is when media producers WANT to write in queer representation, but can’t, usually because the censors won’t let them. So, they must resort to subtext. (example: the policemen from Gravity Falls) It could also be unintentional, simply assigning certain characteristics associated with the LGBT community to characters. (example: Bugs Bunny, many Disney villains) Either way, it heavily relies on the audience picking up subtext, but whether it’s malicious or not varies, depending on the media. Bugs Bunny is an example of positive accidental queercoding, while a lot of Disney villains are negative examples.
Now, to actually discuss the gay little mice! Pinky and the Brain, whether it be intentional or not (based off comments from Maurice LaMarche, Rob Paulsen, and Tom Ruegger, signs strongly point to intentional, but it’s never been explicitly confirmed), is an example of positive queercoding.
There are many moments that I could pick out to discuss here, but we’ll start with some VERY on the nose gay metaphors. 
Remember Romy? If you don’t, that’s their actual biological son! Romy came about due to a cloning accident, where their DNA got combined and spat him out. 
There’s SO many things I could say about Romy. Every appearance he makes has an overarching gay metaphor as the plot. His first appearance in the episode Brinky (yeah it’s literally titled their ship name), it deals with his dads (WHICH I ALSO WANT TO POINT OUT, he DOES call them both dad, and they do both call him their son) disapproving of the fact that he wants to leave home and not follow in their footsteps of taking over the world. Brain even goes as far as disowning him whenever he tells him, which is certainly something a lot of queer people can unfortunately relate to. Also seen a lot in this episode is Pinky and Brain arguing even more than a married couple than usual, which pushes Romy away even further. Later, when Romy eventually does leave, and Brain starts to regret chasing him away, he tries desperately to reach out to him, but Romy doesn’t want anything to do with him. They end up tracking him down to an apartment building, where Romy is now living with his human girlfriend. When questioned about their relationship, the girlfriend, named Bunny, goes off on a tangent about how people shouldn’t judge others based on labels or relationships (hello?), and that Brain needs to be more tolerant. Brain apologizes and Romy forgives him. Happy ending.
Romy’s only other appearance is in the comics. Essentially, the plot of this one is that Brain wants to become the president of the local high school’s PTA, but he needs Romy’s help to make it look like he has a normal home life. He also enlists the help of Billie, the obligatory Woman introduced to make sure Brain doesn’t look as gay as he actually is, that he has a crush on. She pretends to be his girlfriend, and Pinky pretends to be Romy’s uncle, while they make up the story that Romy’s actual mother was lost at sea. Because if the organization found out that Brain has a son with a MAN??? THINK of the controversy! Anyway, the plan works, and Brain actually manages to get elected as president. Throughout this though, Pinky gets WEIRDLY jealous that Brain keeps brushing him aside for Billie. To the point where during Brain’s inauguration, Pinky actually dresses up as the wife/mother lost at sea and storms into the room.
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[ID: Comic panels of Pinky, Brain, and Romy on stage at the inauguration ceremony. Pinky busts into room wearing drag, saying, “Yoo hoo! I’m back from years lost at sea to be with my son and ungrateful husband! Narf!” He then hugs Romy, while glaring at Brain. He goes on to say, “I’ll stand by your side, even though you left me behind!” The people in the audience begin to question this, saying, “Oh great fuzzy bangs!”, “What’d she say?!”, “He deserted her to be with that other woman!”, “What kind of monster is he?!”. Brain then rips off Pinky’s wig and says, “This isn’t my wife! This isn’t even a woman! It’s my roommate, Pinky.” Pinky replies, “Well, yes... But Romy really is my son! Poit!” And Brain responds, “N-Nonsense! He’s my son!” More people in the audience angrily speak up, saying, “What’s that?”, “He lives with a guy who likes to dress up in women’s clothing and the both claim to be that kid’s father!”, “Grumble! Mutter!” /END ID]
Needless to say, this doesn’t end well for them. What we can conclude from this is that homophobia exists in the Pinky and the Brain universe, and our characters are directly affected by it.
Moving on, And-There-Was-Only-One-Bed is a pretty common occurrence with these two. Their cage is big, they have plenty of room for two beds, but? They choose to sleep together? Even in some times where this has been inconsistent and they DO have separate beds, they’re always RIGHT next to each other. (what if we put our minecraft beds together ❤😳)
I would like to mention the episode, You’ll Never Eat Food Pellets In This Town Again! This episode is interesting to say the least. Deals with a lot of the meta of the show. Anyway. In this episode, Brain has a nightmare that he’s in a loveless marriage with Billie. You know, the woman he’s supposed to have a crush on. In the end, he wakes up from the nightmare in the same bed as Pinky.
Speaking of female love interests, Pinky is seen having multiple relationships with characters of different species. Any time this is brought up by Brain, Pinky counters with Brain being too intolerant. An honorable mention with this is in Wakko’s Wish, when Pinky is with Pharfignewton, and Brain’s constant pestering about their relationship could be read as jealousy. Pinky needs a mousy date, after all!
Something else I would like to mention is in one episode (I forget what it’s called, I’ll try to look it up later and edit this), Brain is applying for a job. The employer asks Brain if he’s married, and Brain hesitates before saying he “has a roommate,” but that he’s occupied with his own things, which then cuts to a shot of Pinky applying lipstick.
Leading into part two of this essay, Pinky’s relationship with gender! Pinky has always been very gender nonconforming, and loves to wear dresses, do his makeup, and make himself look pretty. For the most part, this is played pretty straight, and not as a gag, like a lot of shows tend to do! It’s just a casual fact about him that he likes to present femininely sometimes.
This does play into their taking over the world plans pretty often, where Pinky wears drag, usually either to sneak into somewhere. Like in one of their earliest appearances on Animaniacs, Noah’s Lark, where they pose as a couple to board Noah’s, and I quote, “love boat.” After boarding, Noah says to himself, “Who am I to judge?” Okay. Yeah. Alright. Anyway.
I actually had less to say on this than I thought I did, but I wanted to make sure to emphasize that Pinky at the very least is coded as being Not Quite Cis, and that he’s played a key part in helping a lot of people watching the show figure out that they’re also Not Quite Cis. 
Wrapping this up because I’m hungry, but I want to throw in some more honorable mentions that I really do not see any type of cishet explanations for:
They literally go on a romantic date at a very fancy restaurant in Brain’s Night Off. This is played extremely casually, and the only remark from anyone that they receive is that they are “much smaller than the usual clients.”
Pinky, on at least one occasion, daydreams about him and Brain being a married couple, and wanting to be a housewife (the original malewife ❤)
There’s an issue in the comics where Pinky has a crush on another male mouse, and when Brain gets annoyed, Pinky reassures him that he thinks Brain is cute and quite the catch too
Brain attempting to kiss Pinky in the reboot??????
Brain actually did conquer the world once in the Halloween special, because Pinky made a deal with the devil for it, and thus Pinky got sent to hell! Brain actually went to hell and gave up the world to bring him back
Brain was extremely close to conquering the world once more in the Christmas special, but after reading what Pinky’s feelings for him were (nothing romantic, just Pinky basically just praising Brain for being so hardworking and an amazing mouse, and lamenting that he never gets anything for it), he gets so emotional that he sabotages himself and wishes everyone a Merry Christmas instead
TLDR; these mice are very queer and need therapy, and are probably the most heavily queercoded characters that I can think of in children’s media.
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kinsurou · 4 years
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After Class
Pairings: Takami Keigo x Reader
Warnings: Smut (18+), No Quirks! AU, Sex in a classroom, Reader is a virgin.
Here's my very first piece of smut, please fasten your seatbelts and enjoy the show!
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It takes all of your willpower to hold back the pent-up rage growing inside you like a fire doused in gasoline, everyone in the classroom can see the poker face you're trying to maintain is dangerously close to break and let out a horrifying monster called your temper.
Everyone except for the teacher can see you're nearly at your limit, there's an enormous urge to punch someone in the face that keeps growing, and that someone just happens to be the same woman giving you an earful in front of the whole class.
"You should be paying more attention during class instead of being on your phone!" She turns back towards the rest of her students. "Let this be an example to all of you! Don't be like your classmate here!"
She slams her bottle of water in your desk, for dramatic purpose, and finally, she walks back to her own desk, feeling satisfied with her actions. How in the world did someone like her become a college teacher in the first place is a question you'll never get a proper answer to.
There's actually a reason why she's been treating you like this for the past two weeks. A reason that just happens to walk inside the classroom a few minutes after the bell rings, he's carrying a stack of papers in hand, accompanied by a lazy grin stretched all over his face, but that expression quickly shifts to confusion and concern once he feels the tension inside the classroom.
"Sheesh, what's with the long faces guys?"
The teacher's mood flips in an instant. She starts greeting him with a big smile, and there's a not so subtle glint in her eyes that makes many, if not all of her students, cringe in repulse.
"Hi there Takami! Now this is a surprise, is Tanaka not coming today?"
"Good morning to you too Ms. Ito." He replies. "No, professor Tanaka called in sick, but he asked me to watch over the kids for today and hand out their exams. Though judging by everyone's mood, I'm guessing something happened?"
Ito just waves off his question nonchalantly. "I was just talking to everyone not to follow their classmate's example," She throws a dirty look at you from the corner of her eye. "Can you believe the nerve of this girl? Being on her phone in the middle of my lecture? Some people are just completely ungrateful when it comes to their education!"
In the meantime, you're biting down on your lower lip with such force, it's almost a surprise there's not a sight of blood, you're trying so very hard to ignore her snide remarks, all in favor of taking notes from the whiteboard in front of the classroom.
The only thing you were to blame for was forgetting to put your phone on Silent, otherwise she wouldn't have batted an eye when the device rang with a text from your mother. And yet all this woman wanted was an excuse to make you look bad in front of everyone, she just happened to find one at the right moment.
"He's so looking your way right now˜. "Your best friend whispers from your right, with that teasing tone you know all too well.
"Shut.up." You hiss, not really in the mood for another earful after the little stunt with the teacher.
You don't bother paying attention while the blond's gaze lingers on you, disregarding the woman's attempt to get the spotlight with ease, leaving her desperate to make another futile attempt until she finally realizes her class is over. All she can do to keep the remains of her dignity is walk out of the classroom with a huff and a sour attitude.
You feel pity for the students in her next class, they haven't even started the lesson yet and are going to have to deal with the human equivalent of a Tasmanian devil. You could almost listen to her yelling from across the campus already.
Takami Keigo, also nicknamed "Hawks" by his friends, is a teacher's assistant at your college. Older than the majority of your class only by two years, and yet he behaves in such a professional manner with everyone that is hard to believe he's actually a student as well.
It's hard not to like him when he's so chill with everyone, for even in cases like this, when he's asked to take over after a teacher's unavailable, Hawk's only assignment is to stay with the class during the whole period. This time however, he comes carrying a stack of papers.
"Alright kids," He starts, just to be interrupted by one of your classmates.
"Seriously Hawks? You're not that older than us!" They're obviously joking around with him, it's hard to be serious when this guy is around.
"Respect your elders kid!" Laughter fills the whole classroom, dissipating the tension in the air like it's nothing but mist.
Everyone but you is laughing their hearts out, until Hawks points out the contents of the papers.
"As I was saying, Your teacher had to attend some personal business, but he asked me to hand out your test results, and let me tell you guys one thing..." The following silence leaves everyone on edge. "All of you did an amazing job! I don't think I've ever seen so many good notes in a single classroom!"
Everyone starts yelling at him comically. All of you know just how much he enjoys teasing people, but somehow you can't ever get used to his teasing, and he knows it, it's why he's always abusing of his little tendency.
Anybody could agree he's the total opposite of Miss Ito. A 27-years old teacher who's always arguing with her own students for something as insignificant as yawning. Someone who apparently forgot the rule where it says it's strictly forbidden for a teacher to date a student.
That doesn't seem to stop her from throwing hints at a small group of guys, each from a different classroom, and it most certainly doesn't stop her from trying to flirt with the new teacher's assistant.
Hawks starts walking through each row of desks, handing out the papers one by one, each time he gives somebody their sheet of paper you can hear him telling everyone they did a good job.
Once he hands out your own test, his fingers brush against your own with subtleness, sending a small shiver all the way down your arms.
"Good job kid, You had one of the best grades out of the whole class. Your teacher said the same thing too, y'know." The way he says those words with such a reassuring energy makes all the anger inside you leave, no longer the urges to smack somebody tempts you to go looking for Miss Ito and shove your papers up her nose.
All you can muster is a small smile at the guy standing in front of you.
He smiles in return and walks to the next row of seats, ready to hand out the rest of the results.
It's only after he leaves your sight that you see it. A small post it note at the corner of your exam, and judging by the neat handwriting, it's a note from Hawks.
"Meet me after class, there's something I'd like to discuss with you."
Just when in the world did he write this? You didn't even notice when he put the tiny piece of paper in your test.
...Were you in trouble for something?
"Look Y/N! I've never had such a high grade before!" Your friend's voice snaps you out of the small paranoic fit. Turning towards him, your eyes widen in shock after seeing the results, and even you are surprised by how well he did on his exam.
"What the hell F/N? You got a perfect score!" You can't help the smile of pride that comes out, proud at F/N for getting such a good grade. He wasn't the worst student, but he wasn't the best either, so seeing the perfect score in his paper was something worth celebrating for.
The rest of the class goes by pretty quickly. Most of the time is spent reviewing the results of your exams with each other, and organizing future study sessions for the subjects you happened to have the most trouble with.
The loud ringing of the bell indicates the end of the last period. And with that everyone can finally leave for the day.
Except for you...
"We have to celebrate this! What do you say we go to that pizza place we love?" F/N stands from his chair to stretch his whole body, you wince at the loud "POP!" coming from his back.
"Maybe tomorrow? There's something I need to do first..." Your eyes wander back to the little pocket in your bag, where the little neon yellow note is carefully tucked away.
"Alright, I'll call you tonight then! See you on Saturday!" With that he walks out of the room along with the rest of your classmates. You're slowly putting all your stuff inside your bag, and it's until the last book is neatly stored alongside the rest of the notebooks and pens that you look up from your seat.
And he's sitting on top of the teacher's desk, Hawks keeps staring at you with something unknown deep inside those amber eyes of his, something lingers in that look and it makes you feel weird on the inside.
But you managed to keep calm before he starts talking.
"That was quite the ruckus back there, uh?" He chuckles, eyes closed as he leans back on the wooden surface.
All you can do is sigh in annoyance at the reminder of your teacher's words.
"Do you want me to remind you why she's being a bitch to me in the first place?" Your mind is faster than your brain, a hand shots up to cover it in shame once you realize what you just called her in front of an unofficial staff member.
But his laughter only becomes louder at your words. Hawks is literally shaking in place, small tears prickling his eyes and head tilted back.
"Easy there, I'm fully aware of it and I take the full blame for it."
He knows it's his fault Miss Ito hates you right now, all because the blond haired male was being friendly with you the other day. The same guy she had laid her eyes on. If there's something you all know is that when Miss Ito gets her eyes on someone single, approaching them is like a death sentence.
Sadly you became one of her targets by pure accident. And now you have to suffer the consequences of something unnecessary.
"But look at the bright side," He goes on. "She can't really lower your grades for no reason, count the fact you have one of the highest grades in her class and it'll look suspicious if you ask me. So for now, just keep up the good work."
You take another look at his features while getting up from your chair. His eyes hold nothing but sincerity, the easy going mood as he stands up from his seat is still evident.
But once he starts getting closer everything changes in the blink of an eye.
He's standing right in front of you, his arms caging your body between his own and your desk. The smell of his cologne quickly invading your nostrils. A subtle combination between citrus and musk that seems to fit Hawks perfectly, it's an alluring and addictive smell that makes you want to lean forward and breath said scent deeply.
That snaps you back to reality, and causes you to look up at him in the eye. A hue of crimson crawling its way up from your neck to your whole face. The whole room's beginning to spin all around you from the nerves struggling to take control.
"W-What are you doing?" The feigned confidence makes him rise an eyebrow in amusement, the glint in his eyes still present as he takes another look at you. His gaze pierces its way into your soul with such ease that it makes it hard to keep eye contact with the man trapping you between his arms.
"I think I should have been more direct from the very beginning..." He leans closer, warm breath hitting your face, making another course of goosebumps run down through your body in big waves.
There's a small and not so foreign feeling between your thighs, making the situation ten times worse.
You know what that feeling is, you just haven't felt anything like it before...
"I don't think I've ever met someone like you. Someone as hard working," His cheek nudges your own as he leans further and inhales your own scent, your bodies are pressed against each other with such an overwhelming amount of strength for someone as lean as Hawks.
"Someone as strong..."One of his hands caress your hip, making you gasp at the sensation of his hands brushing against your skin despite the layer of clothing covering your body.
"Someone as attractive." He's enamoured by the way your face turns away from him, eyes closed tightly from something as simple as his touch.
"If I'm being honest with you..." That same hand caressing your hip goes up, trapping your chin in between his fingers before turning it back to face him, his thumb skims over the outline of your lower lip with such a tender touch, it's enough to make you open your eyes to look at him.
That glint on his eyes is still in there, but this time, with everything happening right now, it all makes sense. This time you can tell just what that glint really means.
"I want you."
It meant lust.
His lips come crashing down on yours filled with never ending passion and lust. Hawks leans in closer, wrapping his arms around your hips as he ravishes your mouth. The warmth of his body makes you feel dizzy, like an intense fever that could make you hallucinate at any moment.
Never in your life has somebody kissed you like this before, with an intensity that makes all of your senses malfunction.
The kiss becomes more desperate as he pulls your body even closer. His touches makes your body give up as your legs begin trembling from dizziness, making him groan in satisfaction at the way you react to his strokes, and before your legs can actually give up on you and make you fall on the floor like an idiot, your own hands grip tightly on his arms for support.
When your limbs makes contact with his biceps, you realize just how fit Hawks actually is. The muscles under your palms feel hard and strong, you can almost feel every single movement as he flexes.
He pulls away soon after, smirking in satisfaction at the dizzy look on your face. You're panting heavily, eyes closing again and face flushing into a deeper shade of crimson than before, and that was only from his kisses.
The mere sight is enough for the growing tent in his pants to become harder, making your own eyes go wide at the realization of what the hard feeling against your leg actually is.
"H-Hawks...Wait...!" You can barely make a proper sentence, still high from everything going on. "I, We can't, you're..."
"I am...?" His teasing doesn't seem to stop. he too, is panting hard before kissing your cheek tenderly and slowly, slowly starts to kiss all the way down from the skin on your face all the way down to the jaw, eventually he reaches the junction between your neck and shoulder, where he starts nibbling softly.
Oh god, please don't leave a mark.
It takes all of your strength to push him away just a few inches. He's not even upset by the gesture, half lidded eyes staring at you intensely.
You finally catch your breath after a few minutes. Glaring at him with more embarrassment than anything else.
"You, are the teacher's assistant. Is it really okay for you to be doing this with a student?!"
All he does is give you a nonchalant look, followed by a smirk that leaves you frozen in place.
Is this guy really the same one that helped you out the other day? The same one that's always helping out everyone around campus with a smile on his face?
He touches your face affectionately once again, before answering your question.
"Yes, you're right, I am a teacher's assistant. But there's something you should know about it..." His eyes don't move from your swollen and bruised lips, with traces of sweet lip gloss slightly smeared on the side.
"Considering I don't have any power over the student's grades, there's really no problem for me to date one y'know?" Hawk's once again making direct eye contact with you, this time the lust in his eyes is more intense than before.
"Besides, be honest with me. You hate Miss Ito, and to be honest so do I."
You can't help blinking twice at his remark, nothing but silence fills the room.
"She may be a bright teacher, but the way she treats her students is unacceptable. That, and there's the fact she won't stop bothering me during free periods." He steps back slightly, pulling you by the wrists in the direction of the teacher's desk, right on the spot where he was sitting before.
"Wouldn't you like to get a bit of revenge on her? Just imagine, being fucked in the very same spot where she grades your exams..."
His words leave you thinking deeply, and you're so deep in thought about it you don't even realize what's going on for a second until you feel his strong arms lifting your body with ease.
You never thought you'd be doing something like this, but here you are, sitting over the desk where your teachers give their lessons, all while one of the hottest men in campus is about to do such depraved things to your body.
"So...What's it gonna be?" His hands are caressing your knees, rubbing circles on the tender skin as he anticipates an answer. If looks could kill his would have burned you a long time ago from the fiery passion behind it.
Your own hands grab on the sides of his face, pulling him closer into a sloppy but swift kiss before you look him in the eye once again.
"Just be gentle, alright...?" The look in your eyes tells him everything he needs to know. Hawk's eyes once again have a mischievous glint deep inside.
"I promise you, by the time we're done here," He kisses your jaw softly. "You'll never want someone to be 'gentle' with you again."
He leans forward for another kiss, and this time, you eagerly kiss him back, the hands resting on your knees pry them apart slowly, giving him enough space to stand in between them.
The heat of his body, along with that intoxicating cologne of his makes the experience even more satisfying, small moans escape your mouth as his hands go under your shirt to caress the skin underneath, his touch feels so...delightful on your skin, almost good enough to make you forget about all of your troubles and dive into an euphoria induced dream.
His hands stop at the clasp of your bra, meticulously unclasping the lingerie, you can feel the fabric becoming loose at the front, but he makes no movement to fully take off your top.
Instead his hands just leave their place at your back to pull both the top and the piece of lingerie until it's all ruffled over your neck, he pulls away from the kiss to look down, and it leaves you flustered when he won't stop staring at your bust with intensity.
"...What?" You ask with embarassment, and he can't help laughing at your reaction.
"Am I not allowed to enjoy the view?"
"Stop it Hawks!" He gives you a look full of authority, it makes your body tremble in arousal, the dampness between your legs is proof enough of the effect this guy has on your body.
"Stop calling me that, and start calling me Keigo."
"But I-"
"Would you prefer to call me 'Daddy' instead?"
You give him an incredulous look, face once again flushed by his words.
"Keigo you son of aaaahhhh-" The words die in your throat, replaced by a sharp intake of breath instantly after he engulfs one nipple with his mouth, causing another wave of shivers to shake your whole body to the core.
You try to fight them back, but the whimpers come out victorious and escape through your lips in a rush. It makes Hawks...No, Keigo, smirk victorious, but it's hard to take him serious when he has one of your boobs in his mouth.
He releases the wet bud with a small "pop!", and caress the tip with his index finger, the friction makes another whimper come out, once again making his smirk confidently.
"Look at you. We're just getting to the good part, and you're already a moaning, trembling mess." He looks down in between you legs with a hungry, predatory stare that could make anyone shrink before him.
"It's a good thing you choose to wear a skirt today."
A hand dips down under said piece of clothing, rubbing a damp spot underneath with their middle finger, right where your still clothed and damp slit throbs, craving more of the deliciously immoral graze.
Fuck...
You can't hold back anymore, and you don't want to either.
You're about to have sex in a classroom.
YOUR CLASSROOM.
"What is it princess?" Keigo growls in satisfaction, enjoying how you're finally starting to let those sweet moans out without a care in the world. "Something you'd like to say? Can't say I'm not enjoying seeing you fight back all those sweet moans."
Someone could walk in any minute now, Miss Ito could be walking in any moment as well, but nothing matters anymore.
All you want is for him to take your body however he pleases.
You pull on the collar of his shirt, pulling him into another sloppy and fervent kiss. He really like this new side of you. Always be wary of the quiet ones they say.
His hands sneaks inside the panties, two fingers going deep inside your velvet walls with a slow pace. The friction is so addicting, and you can't help it when your hips move against your will, craving for more.
"Keigo..." You're panting, eyes clouded with desire. "Please take me, I can't wait any longer!"
That's all he needed to hear. But just to make sure you'll enjoy every single moment...
"As much as I'd love to be inside you already." His fingers start picking up speed, you yelp in surprise at the sudden increase of his movements. "I want you enjoy every single part of this. After all, it's your first time, isn't it?"
Between the nerves of being caught and his ministrations you can barely think straight, but your brain still manages to process his words, and it leaves you surprised.
"How?" This time he gives you a tender smile before kissing your temples.
"The way you kept trembling when I got closer? How you kept hesitating? It was pretty obvious, princess." Your walls clench around his fingers, he could tell you're pretty close, so he pulls back his fingers, leaving you hot, bothered and whining at the sudden lack of friction. "But don't you worry a pretty little hair, I'll take good care of you."
His arms hook themselves under your thighs, pulling them forward until his clothed and still throbbing girth brushes against your soaked pussy. The friction feels so fucking good. You can barely wait to feel the rest of it.
"Oh! right!" His hand goes inside his back pocket, and pulls out a small, blue package.
"...Do you always carry one of those around with you?" You squint at him in suspiciousness, and he gives you a sheepish grin in response.
"Nah, the nurse gave me a handful of them as a joke." Keigo quickly unbuckles his jeans, and lowers them along with his boxers just enough for his hard cock to spring out, it's average in length, but it makes up for it with thickness. Its head is also a prominent, reddish shade, throbbing and dribbling with precum.
You couldn't take you eyes off from it, and Keigo couldn't say he didn't like the attention.
He decides to put on a show, putting on the condom at such a slow pace to tease you for a bit. Seeing you squirm due the lack of body contact almost makes him come right on the spot.
Good thing the little piece of latex already comes with lube, not that he'd need much judging by the mess you're making below.
"Are you ready?" He asks, pulling aside your panties and resting his member over your sweet core. As desperately as he wants to pound you into the wooden surface, he'd rather double check, make sure you're completely comfortable with everything about to happen.
And make the experience so good, that you'll eventually come back to him crawling, begging for more of his sinful courtesy. So he can gladly give everything you ask for.
You pull him closer again, wrapping your arms around him with shaky hands. It's not that you're scared, but the nerves are hard to get rid of when it comes to having your first time with someone you've been crushing on for months.
"Please, I want you." You throw those words back at him.
He nods in response, kissing your face with a softness that could make anyone melt, and slowly, so very slowly starts pushing himself inside you. Keigo can hear you whimpering, not used to such a foreign feeling just yet.
It's not painful, but it makes you feel so unusually full once he's completely buried inside you. He also starts growling, savoring the feeling of your walls stretching, creating the perfect spot that fits his throbbing cock in such a delicious ways, it's almost impossible to describe how good you feel.
But one thing's certain, he can't get enough of it.
"God, you're so fucking tight." His voice is so low and hoarse, it nearly makes him sound feral, like a predator about to devour his prey.
And you, were the prey.
"Ahhh...So good, it feels so good being inside my princess."
Your arms grab onto the back of his shirt, bodies plastered against each other so nicely, fitting together just like a puzzle.
Like you were meant for each other from the very beginning.
Keigo pecks you on the lips tenderly. Hips pulling back carefully until nothing but the head is left inside, and then he gives a deep thrust that nearly knocks your whole breath away. Neither of you are capable of holding back the noises, and you don't want to either.
For the first time since you started college, you're glad to be in one of the classrooms in the fourth floor, as far away from prying ears as possible.
"Keigo, oh my god." Your body finally begins to relax, and Keigo can feel it too. He's grateful your insides are finally getting used to having him inside you, otherwise he probably would have come already from the tight clutch of your sweet and slippery cunt.
The moment he feels you completely relaxed it's where the real action begins. He pulls your arms away from him and lays you down over the whole surface.
The palm of his hand plants itself besides your head, acting as a support, otherwise he probably would have fallen over you, too lost over the pleasure your body provides him. The other hand is busy holding on to your hips for dear life, digging his nails on the skin and leaving a painful yet addicting feeling behind, as well as a couple of marks on the bruised skin.
"Remember when I said you'd never want something 'gentle' after this?" He smirks, looking down at you with such dominance, you can't even process any type of thought that's not related to him anymore. "Well, I always keep my promises. Princess."
In the blink of an eye he starts thrusting so hard and fast that you can't help it when the moans start getting louder. Keigo moves with a pace so strong, so fast, and so passionate that rattles the whole desk. It makes your thoughts wander in place, imagining the loud slam that could probably be heard across a room should he be fucking you in bed.
"Hey..." A snap of his fingers brings you back to the present, and to a frowning blond. "Eyes on me princess, or is this too boring for you?"
He stops moving altogether, even despite your desperate whines at the sudden halt of his thrust, but Keigo's a persistent man, and a teasing little shit who adores making you squirm underneath him.
"Keigoooo!" You hips move on their own, trying to get some more of that delicious feeling of his cock against your velvet walls. It doesn't last for long though, as both of his hands have a unshakable hold on your sides, completely preventing you from grinding against him any longer.
"If you really want more..." His hands travels all the way down to your aching sex, rubbing a single digit against your clit and drawing out a high pitched moan. "Then beg for it...Tell me, just how much you really want it."
"I..." You can't even form a proper sentence, an endless stuttering from his finger rubbing harder against the small bud, preventing you from doing so.
You can't talk, you can barely think, but you need him.
"I want you...to fuck me harder. P-Please Keigo, I really, really need your c-cock!" That's all you can say, and that's all he needs to hear. Keigo begins moving again, this time at such a brutal pace that makes everything go white. The sound of his balls slapping against your ass echoes loudly all around the classroom, and the smell of sex engulfs the whole room.
"That's much better!" He growls, satisfied with the way your head falls back when he hits a certain spot. Keigo gives another harsh thrust, making you scream from how good it feels to have him ravish your body like this.
You're so caught up in the moment, drowning in ectasy from every push. Then you feel it, the way your insides twist from the upcoming orgasm as he begins rutting mercilessly, kissing your womb over and over again.
"Keigo!" There's something about the way you scream his name, that makes his length twitch as it slips back and forth inside your cunt. And his pace begins to waver once he feels his own climax approaching. "I'm coming...!"
"You're coming princess? You want to cum all over my cock?" He gives another sharp thrust, drawing out another moan from you. By this point he could guess your throat is more likely sore from how loud you're getting. And he adores it.
"Do it then," He gasps, head burying itself on your shoulder and biting down on the soft flesh, that is definitely going to leave a mark. "Come for me, make a mess all over this desk, so every time you're in class you'll never forget what happened here behind everyone's back!"
He knows the effect his words have on you, that grin on his face says it all as he watches your body convulsing, trembling as your very first orgasm shakes your senses. He follows after you almost immediately, utterly overwhelmed after the had clenching of your walls around him.
You're both feeling exhausted, attempting to calm your heavy breathing. During that brief period of time, you keep wondering if what happened would be just a one time thing. And once the both of you walked out of the room, Keigo would tell you to pretend nothing happened.
In a way, it makes a small aching dig it's way inside your heart.
"Hey princess, what's with the long face?" Keigo's face leaves its place on your shoulder, worried you might be regretting everything that happened just a minute ago. "I told you there would be no problem in getting involved with me."
"I know," Slowly your hands release their hold on his shirt, leaving behind a couple of wrinkled spots. "But this changes everything. Was this just a one time thing?"
"Oh, that's what you're worried about?" His questions comes out so casually it almost gives you whiplash from how fast you turn to look at him, brows raised high in confusion.
Once again he grabs your chin between his fingers. This time with a softer look in his eyes than when he first proposed this debauchery.
"I meant what I said before, I've never met someone like you before." He gives a soft peck to your jaw, lips lingering in place momentarily. His eyes are closed, deep in thought as he thinks carefully about his next words.
"The question is. Do you, want this to be a one time thing?" He's making eye contact with you again. "Or do you want this to go further?"
"I, want to get to know you better, Keigo." The answer is barely audible, but he manages to hear it, judging by the soft look he gives you.
"That's all I need to hear. Now, what do you say we get out of here? The janitor should be arriving any moment now, and honestly." He pulls out his already soft member, making you whimper slightly at the sudden emptiness. "I'd rather be the only one seeing you like this."
Quickly you both try fixing yourselves as much as you can. Thankfully you always carry a small package of napkins, and quickly clean up the dripping mess between your legs before fixing up your clothes.
As well as the dirty predicament on the desk, the janitor's not to blame for the consequences of Ito's attitude after all.
You both walk out of the classroom carefully. Thankfully Keigo didn't have anything pending, so nobody came looking for him during your little "chat". But if any of your friends happened to see this, you'd never hear the end of it from them.
..........
Just like Keigo predicts, the next time you walk inside the classroom everything that happened last Friday comes back. And when Miss Ito's lesson finally starts, you have to fight back the urge to give her that same mocking smile she gave you last time.
If that's not satisfying enough, then the moment the whole school witnesses her outrage after she makes another move on Hawks, just for the teacher's assistant to mention he's already seeing someone definitely is a sight nobody will ever forget. Particularly after she's finally called into the principal's office for her lack of professionalism.
The whole school ends up celebrating the event. And you definitely will celebrate once again after class, judging by the subtle looks Keigo sends your way after the ordeal.
Taglist: @bnhabookclub @gallickingun @hawks-senseis @honeytama @savagetrickster @unbreakableeiji @wakaoujisenhime
2K notes · View notes
hazbbyhaz · 3 years
Text
sleepless || harry styles
twenty four
pairing: Harry Styles x OC
synopsis: the party cleanup
disclaimer: mentions of selfharm, mentions of scars
Tumblr media
just remember that sometimes, the way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are - John Green
At 3am the party had finally started to die down, people slowly funneling their way out. And by 3:30, All the guests were gone, leaving Avery, Harry, and Francis. Avery was on her fourth cup of coffee, the caffeine keeping her awake enough to not pass out on the couch. Everyone was sitting in the living room, strewn around the space. All of them winding down from the energy that the party created. It was silent. Serene. Comforting, in a way.
Harry was the first to move, starting to pick up the mess that swept the entire flat. Avery and Francis joined him soon after. They collected all the cups and plates that were scattered about, bringing all of them to the kitchen. Francis washed the dishes, Avery dried and put them away, and Harry made several trips around the apartment to collect all the trash.
Avery was lost in her own world, taking her time in drying the dishes and figuring out where they were kept. A tap on her shoulder had broken her from her trance. When she looked back, she saw Francis with a big soapy beard on his face. His jaw was completely covered in bubbles.
“How do I look, Avery?”
“Absolutely fabulous, if I do say so myself.” They were giggling like children, the sound echoing through the kitchen.
The laughter had Harry making his way to the source, and the sight in front of him had him laughing too. It was nice seeing Avery and Francis smiling and laughing. It was something that he hadn’t seen in a while, mainly from his friend. Maybe this party really was what he needed. Maybe this was a fresh start.
“Alright Old Saint Nick, let's get the kitchen cleaned up, after that we are finished till the morning.”
Harry chuckled, throwing a towel to Francis, and after he wiped his face clean, they continued. The rest of the dishes were washed and put away, the counters were wiped down, and the floors were swept. Avery had the cake she made in her hands, about to put it in the fridge, before she heard someone protest.
“Nope. You're not putting that masterpiece away until you try a piece.”
Francis hastily took it out of her hands, grabbed a paper plate, and cut a small slice out of the cake. He just about shoved it into her hands, not taking his eyes off of her until she took a bite. "It's very sugary," She said, grimacing as she swallows her first bite. "I think I need to cut down on that the next time"
"I think it’s great," Francis shrugs, getting a new fork to take a bite from her piece. "I mean, considering this is one of your first cakes, this is amazing."
"Thank you." After tasting the cake herself, Avery doubted that he was telling the truth. It was awful. "Harry, you try a bite" She holds the fork out to Harry and he doesn't even take the utensil from her, but eats it straight from the fork. The silly action instantly made her blush, All the heat rushing to her face and making it beet red. But the redness of her cheeks quickly vanishes as Harry loudly coughs, and nearly downs a whole glass of water after swallowing the small bite of cake.
"I'm sorry, Ave, but..." He takes a breath. "that is revolting. Francis, how are you just eating that?" Avery giggles, looking over at Francis, who has almost finished her piece.
"I can feel the cavities forming in my teeth..." He takes another sip off his water.
"I like it." Francis concludes with a shrug. "Anyways, Avery, are you staying here or should we take you home? I can play my charm and convince Mrs Sheffield to give us her car keys."
"It's 4am," Harry frowns.
“Trust me, she loves me!"
They keep bantering back and forth while Avery contemplates if she should stay or go. She had been with Harry for a majority of the weekend, rarely leaving his side. She didn’t want to overwhelm him. Didn’t want him to get tired of her presence or feel like she was clinging to him. "You can stay, Ave. It's no problem." Harry says, bringing her back into reality with his green eyes looking into her own.
"I don't want to bother you guys"
"You're not bothering anyone. Stay. I can walk you home after breakfast"
Her gaze moves over to Francis, who was putting the cake back into its container. She was looking for him to protest, for him to say that he didn’t want her there. But he didn’t seem bothered in the slightest, so she nods. "Alright, just til after breakfast."
Harry breaks into a smile and Francis puts the dessert in the fridge, slowly closing the door. "Great, now that this has been discussed, I am going to bed." Francis said goodnight to the two before vanishing in his bedroom. Avery noticed how Harry's eyes stayed fixed on his friends door for a moment.
"He likes you." Harry then says, turning back to her with a gleaming smile.
"I'm glad"
He walks over to her, leaning against the kitchen counter. "When do you go back to work?"
"Tomorrow."
"You're going to be tired."
"I'll be fine." She murmurs. In the dim kitchen light, Harry can see the three freckles on her nose, and the different shades of blue in her eyes. There had been numerous times where he’d thought about kissing Avery. More than he would like to admit. So many times where he wanted to sweep the loose strand of hair behind her ear, cup her cheek, and put his lips onto her own. He believed that, maybe, her pain would leave after he kissed her. He knew that it was stupid. That it was impossible. That something that mundane could ever fix the pain that she had felt.
So, out of all these times, he picked this one. He picked this time because he was tired. He picked this time because he still had some liquid courage coursing through his veins. He picked this time because she looked just… so unbearably sad. Even though he knew she had a great time that night, there was this underlying look to her. Even at her happiest, she always looked to be sad. Like she was in a great world of pain. Always.
He slowly leaned closer, his gaze fixed on hers. She didn't move away from him as their eyes met. "I don't think we should do that," Her breath is warm against his lips. "You'd regret it."
"I doubt that." His words are hushed, and if he leaned a bit closer, just the smallest bit, their lips would touch. Averys gaze switched between his eyes and his lips. She wants to be brave enough to close the gap. She does. But there is a small voice in her head telling her that it's wrong. That she will destroy everything that she has created if she moves forward with what's happening.
"You're so soft nobody knows how to take care of you".. "You know what you are? An ungrateful brat. That's all that you are, and that’s all you’ll ever be".
"You're pathetic, I can't deal with you anymore. No one can."
"I'm sorry but... I can't." She whispers and she doesn't have to tell him that's it because of her mind, her past, and everything that she continues to hide from him. He knows.
"I get it." Harry reassures her and instead of kissing her lips, he kisses her forehead.
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.” He leaned in again, pressing his lips to her forehead once more. This time letting them linger.
“It’s okay, Ave. It’s alright. You don't need to be sorry.”
So, instead of kissing, they watch Lost In Translation. Harry had fallen asleep shortly after, his head resting on her thigh, and Avery’s fingers gently carted through his soft, honey brown curls. Somewhen, the morning sun illuminated the living room. The early morning rays casting a golden shadow over the room. Bathing everything in what could only be described as eternal light.
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Francis emerged from his bedroom soon after the sun rose, stopping for a short second to look at his friend. Harry was asleep on Avery's lap, his face cuddled into her stomach with her hand resting on his head. He looked so at peace, even youthful in his sleep. He was getting the rest that Francis knew he deserved. That he needed.
Seeing him and Avery together made Francis happy. He saw the way that they had interacted during the party. They were always together, never spending much time apart.
Francis made his way to the kitchen, getting himself a glass of water. He got a cup out of a cabinet, one that had been washed only hours ago, and filled it at the kitchen sink. not bothering with ice, it was too early for ice cold water. Once the cup was full, he turned off the tap and turned around. He jumped and nearly dropped his cup, startled to see Avery stood at the entrance of the small space.
“Jesus! You scared me.” Francis leaned against the counter, holding a hand up to his chest in an effort to slow his racing heart.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
They stood there in silence for a while. Avery eventually made her way into the kitchen, sitting atop of the counter closest to the entrance. Francis was looking out the small window they had in the kitchen, and Avery watched. He didn’t seem to be actively in the room. His mind was elsewhere. This was a different kind of silence. Not like the atmosphere that they had experienced after everyone had left hours ago. This one was darker, in a way.
Somehow, Avery knew. She just knew. She knew that he was troubled. Maybe it was the worry that Harry always had in his eyes when looking at his friend. Maybe it was the dread that showed in Harry’s face whenever he called. Or maybe it was her own personal experience. But, either way, she knew. She could see the scars that littered his arms, the ones he had tried so desperately to cover, and it made her angry. Did she have a real right to be angry? No. She didn’t truly know the boy that was standing in front of her, but she knew enough. She knew enough to know that he shouldn’t feel that kind of pain. From what she had seen, he was funny, caring, and he stood by his friends. He cared for his friends. She didn’t want anyone to know half of what she had been through, what she had felt. And she knew that he had.
“Francis?”
“Yes?”
“Just… thank you.”
He looked bewildered by her words, not knowing what they were for. “For what, Avery?”
“For earlier. Eric. You saw that he was bothering me and you told him off. I never got to thank you for it.”
“Oh… it was no problem. He was being a prick. He kept on advancing towards you when you told him no, and I won't stand by to see that.” He made his way to the kitchen sink, Avery not too far from him, and started to rinse out his empty glass. Avery watched as he did so, closing her eyes shortly after to let them rest for a minute.
“Avery?”
“Yes, Francis?”
“Can you promise me something?” He looked into her eyes, a serious glint inside of them.
“I guess so… what is it?”
“This probably isn’t my place, and I apologize if I offend you in any way. But, just… please stand up for yourself. Okay? There are loads of blokes like Eric, people who will take advantage of you because you are too nice, people who will disregard your rejection of their actions. You have to stand up for yourself. I would hate to see you get hurt because of something like that.”
She was taken aback by what he was saying. She didn’t know how to respond, at least not right now. So she simply nodded her head, casting her eyes downward.
“And thank you for the cake, I really appreciate it.”
“Of course. I'm glad.”
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Avery’s apartment was a wreck. Various papers and notebooks littered every surface as she tried to find a good sample she could send over to Hughes Magazine. This was a real opportunity, one that needed to be taken seriously. She has the chance to be a published writer, to have something that she had written somewhere in the world for people to see. To say that this was nerve wracking was a major understatement. Avery was sitting in the middle of her living room looking like a mad woman, frantically flipping through notebooks in hopes of finding something that she deemed good enough.
After going through every piece of writing she had, she decided to submit two short stories and a handful of poems. She chose pieces that, she hopes, shows her diversity as a writer. Avery wanted this to be something, just once. She added her CV and all the other required information before attaching the poems and stories at the end of the e-mail, sending it off to their office in London before closing her laptop, pushing every bad thought aside.
As she began to pick up the mess she had made in the process, Avery's phone lit up showing her a message from Tom.
Tom: Hey, is there any chance you could come in early tomorrow? I've found a potential new employee and I would like you to show her around a bit.
Avery: Sure. How much earlier?
Tom: Thirty minutes early will be fine, just need a second opinion on her. She would be starting work soon, if she is decent at everything.
Avery: I'll be there.
Tom: Thank you, Avery :)
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"What do you think about the editing?" Harry questions Francis, showing his laptop with the edited photo on the screen. He spent the whole Sunday in front of the computer, trying to finish editing the set his boss needed for an upcoming ad. His eyes were exhausted and his head ached from the hours he spent looking at the monitor screen.
"I like it," Francis says with a shrug, continuing to eat his Ben and Jerry's out of the paper container.
"I need constructive criticism, Frany. Saying you like it is not cutting it anymore." Harry groans, putting his head back to regain composure and stretch his sore neck.
"You know I'm devoted to the numbers.'" Francis replies with a sigh. "I can't give you constructive criticism when I don't understand it."
"It's art. Most of the time you don't have to understand it."
"Why are you not doing your black and white photography? I love it and I know you do too, I'm sure there are some people who would buy it."
"Those “some people” aren't going to pay rent," Harry closes the laptop, realizing Francis really wouldn't be much help here, and layed down on the sofa, his head atop the arm rest. "I wish I could just do that."
"I’d say do it. Do what makes you happy. That's what you always tell me, anyway."
"Yes, but you're different," Harry murmurs, his eyes closed and his forearm shielding them from the sunlight. "And what would I photograph? I don't go out anymore, I barely see James or Emily or Anais anymore. And God, I have a million photographs of you already."
"First of all, you make that sound like a bad thing." Francis replies, before eating another spoon of his ice cream. "Why don't you do a series on Avery?"
"She doesn't like being photographed."
“May I remind you that that's what you do? Take photographs without people noticing, so it's not staged."
"Yes I know, but-" Before Harry can finish his sentence Francis makes his way to Harry's room only to come out a minute later with a large black and white print. Harry remembered that day as if it were yesterday. It was Anais’s birthday party. Francis wasn't well that day so Harry had to take him to the party, he didn’t trust him enough to leave him home alone. He had spent the whole evening making rounds around the house, camera in tow, capturing every guest he could.
The photo in front of him showed Francis in an armchair in Anais’s living room. There was a half empty glass of champagne in his hand and a red balloon tied to his pinky, and at the first glance it almost looked comical. This sad boy with all the balloons, presents, and dancing people around him.
That same night, Harry had gotten absolutely wasted. So, when Francis told him that he wanted to go home, he didn't hold him back. He didn't look at him, not really, not like he should have. Once he had finally made his way back to their flat, he found Francis cutting himself on the bathroom floor and immediately sobered up. They didn't talk while Harry gently patched his friend up, doing so with so much care that it made Francis cry. And they didn't talk while Harry sent Francis to bed before he cleaned the bathroom, blaming himself for everything that had happened in the process.
Despite everything that came after, this was still one of his favorite photographs he had ever taken. The black and white didn't seem dramatic, but natural. He caught Francis without a mask, just Francis. It was safe to say that his best friend despised the whole thing, he didn't like it one bit and Harry was sure that if he hadn't stopped him, Francis would have ripped the print to shreds immediately.
"I really like that print..." Harry mumbles, eyeing the photograph that feels like it was taken so long ago. When he was still so naive and inexperienced, thinking he could just do this his whole life. "But I can't do it. I have to think about earning money, this dream won't take me anywhere."
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sweetestlamb · 3 years
Text
Wake Me Up Inside(Chapter 2)
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Summary: Hope is a flickering light, coming and going as it sees fit. 
Author's note: Y'all like this? Color me surprised I thought everyone had cast Sujin aside based on tumblr post honestly, expected maybe 3 people to read this. I'm happy so many are enjoying, thanks for coming along for the ride. If any talented individuals want to make me a header that would be great, anyway enjoy the teen angst. More awful parenting, beware. it hurts me to write this but random immediate romance doesn’t make sense to me so here we goooo. 
The world seems larger, everyone towers over her as they squeeze by jostling her tiny body, she twists and turns desperately searching for a familiar face and faltering when there is none. Just blurred faces with stretched out smiles that are horrifying grotesque, almost as if they were painted on by a deranged circus clown. She begins to run frantically racing away from the figures, who are now reaching out for her grabbing her arm and tugging at her pigtails. She opens her mouth but nothing comes out, bringing a trembling hand to her lips she finds them sewn shut, silencing her petrified screams.
Then a hand clutches at her elbow and she's spun around, suddenly staring into the face of evil.
"Where have you been you brat? Everyone was waiting for you."
She tries to tug free of his punishing grip but his fingers tighten on her tender flesh, marking the delicate skin. Ignoring her evident trepidation he forcefully pushes her towards a table, with a large looming birthday cake.
"Hurry up and blow out these candles, you're almost old enough to be useful to me."
Screaming no in her mind, she breaks free of his hold running as fast as her compact legs will take her but she miscalculates and trips over a stray toy, tumbling over the edge of a pool she hadn't noticed there earlier. The cold splash of the chlorine scented water on her skin shocks her in a panicked daze and when she pries her eyes open the menacing face of her father greets her looking nonplussed by her hectic drowning.
"Good riddance." He smirks sipping from his cup as he stalks away, no longer bothered with her. 
Water constructs her airway and she continues to sink to the bottom. Forgotten and discarded.
With a flash she bursts from her nightmare silent scream on her tongue, it's his presence that silences her cry. Wide feline eyes regard her from his crouched position, it takes a moment to realize that the rapid puffs of air filling the room are coming from her lips. She grips at the mattress beneath her, hopelessly pleading with her heart and lungs as her body quivers from the intensity of her dream.
"Are you okay? You looked like you were having a bad dream, I called your name a few times."
She's decidedly not any semblance of okay and has no concept of what that would entail for her but she finds herself nodding, lying as easily as she always does.
"I'm fine." Clipped and brisk despite the cold sweat on her skin, she's probably soaked through his shirt the collar almost plastered to red collar bones.
He doesn't reply further than pursing his lips and walking over to a dresser she'd hadn't noticed earlier.
"That lie would probably be more believable if you didn't look as if you were going to pass out at any second." She can hear his eyes rolling at her and it raises her heckles, she doesn't need anyone looking after her, she is fine on her own.
"I should go." She says curtly, forcing herself out of the dangerously warm bed to walk across the room and test her previously soaked pajamas. Damp, but they'll do.
"I thought you had nowhere to go." He challenges finally standing to his full height, subconsciously she flinches at the sudden movement and immediately he takes a step back pressing himself almost flush with the wall. Lowering his head until they are almost eye level. Shame washes over her do strongly she has to turn away, so pathetic.
Speaking to his bedpost she answers, "That was last night. I can go home now."
Her father will be at work until late into the evening, she just needs to lock herself in her room and she should be safe until school tomorrow.
He hums at her sounding closer than he did earlier, "You don't have to go. I'll find an excuse to give my mom, you can stay here."
No she can't. She knows what's going through his mind, probably the same thing that went through Suho's when he saw the blood on her lip for the first time, you poor little thing. Pity was always the first reaction but it never lasted, eventually pity shifted to annoyance nobody wanted to be friends with someone getting beaten. It was depressing, and uncomfortable to discuss and there was nothing anyone could do to help her. It was her penance for being born a girl and not being the best at least to make up for that disappointment.
"I'm not a stray puppy, you can't just pick me up off the street and expect me to stay. I told you, I'm fine." This time she says it harder, sharper with a bite that screams don't push me.
Unsurprisingly enough Han Seojun doesn't seem intimidated by her.
This time she gets to witness the eye roll as he approaches her but still keeps his head lowered as if deferring to her. "I already told you that I don't pity you, you need help stop pretending you don't."
But she's not pretending, that would imply that she wants others to help secretly. That just isn't accurate, she wants nothing- expects nothing. Her father pound any inkling of hope she had out a long time ago.
Stepping into his space, her eyes narrow as she bites out, "I don't need anything certainly not help from you. You're not a nice person, what am I your one good deed? Just mind your business."
She pointedly glances away at the flash of hurt that scatters across his expressive face.
She expects him to lash out, stretch to his full form and berate her, reprimand her ungrateful behavior and an even darker side of her almost expects him to slap her. I see why your father does that, you deserve it.
"Suit yourself."
That's all he says solemnly with a shrug before tossing more dry clothes at the bed and silently exiting the room.
She feels worse than she did before. Guilt gnawing at her, she ignores the offered clothes she doesn't deserve his hospitality or warmth. She disrobes and puts back on the damp chilled pajamas, that matches her better.
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That's what he gets for trying to help someone, his act of kindness thrown back in his face. Angrily he pours the boiling water into the waiting cup, starting his mother's mandatory morning tea. He's so lost in the routine that he doesn't notice her presence until she clears her throat. His pride stops him from turning around, her words were as painful as a dagger.
"Your clothes are on the bed. I called a cab."
He nods without looking back, "Get home saf--" He cuts himself off, maybe he's overstepping again. So he just hums and stirs the now perfect cup of tea with a splash of milk. His sister's will get three sugars, she has such a sweet tooth.
The soft snap of the front door closing is loud in the silence of the morning, the sun has barely risen. His mother will be out in an hour, he was worried for nothing. Nobody will even know she was here. He can pretend this was all a fever dream and listen to her advice, he's never minded anyone else's business why did he decide to start now?
Lesson learned.
He spends the remainder of his weekend not thinking about the bruises on her face and instead plays video games, bullying Suho into playing Call of Duty with him online until the stupid genius starts to win too often and it's no longer stress reducing.
"Sore loser." He scoffs at the staticky insult through his headphones, draining the can of soda he took from the fridge. He should start dinner soon, his mom and sister will be back from shopping any minute.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"You just did." He can't help but roll his eyes at the lame response but he pushes on ignoring his brain shouting at him that this is the opposite of minding his business. He hardly listens to his brain, his gut is much stronger.
"Does Sujin have any siblings? Or does she like to box or anything like that? " He tries to make sense of the night, maybe it wasn't what he thought initially. From his memory Sujin comes from a very affluent respectable family, there's no way right?
"What? What kind of question is that?"
"Just answer me." He quips impatiently, ready to let go of this unwarranted worry that's been weighing on his heart.
After a long pause where he checks if his Wi-Fi disconnected he finally hears a response, "No. She lives with her mother and father, she's an only child. And I’ve never known her to do anything physical like that."
His chest tightens, not what he wanted to hear. Her flinch this morning flashes brightly in his memory. He wasn't mistaken. He's sure of it, she'd been scared. 
"Why?"
He can barely hear through the ringing in his ear, "Nothing. I have to go."
He signs off before the other boy can reply, walking autopilot to the kitchen to get started on dinner. Chopping vegetables does nothing to stop the nausea bubbling in his stomach.
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Taking the bus the next day is out of the question, he has spent the entire weekend wishing he had the nerve to get the girl's number but anyone he asked would misunderstand why and he didn't need anymore rumors circulating, he would just have to get it from her himself. If she wanted him to mind his business she shouldn't have collapsed where he could see.
The engine rumbles between his legs as he brings his motorcycle to a stop, swinging off effortlessly before tugging the helmet off and shaking his hair free. He doesn't notice the various lecherous female and male eyes watching his very moment, too focused on walking into the school and finding her.
Turning a corner he sees her instantly, sandwiched between her two best friends, they look like a high school brochure giggling as they walk down the hallway garnering the attention of most of the male population. The purple bruise on her cheek is missing, nothing but smooth blemish free skin. He almost does a double take. As all three of them pass him, he locks eyes with Sujin for a moment, the mask slides off for a second but the moment he blinks the façade snaps back into place, nothing left but a pretty empty smile.
He follows them into class, sliding into his seat and promptly going to sleep. He has to catch her alone.
Doing so proves to be a near impossible feat, she's always surrounded by her two bestie shadows and Chorong and the gang are never far from him either. He sighs forlornly even time he sees her only for someone to interrupt before he can approach her. All too frustrated.
He's sitting dejected on the staircase when he hears the bustle of students in the hallway, their voices carrying down the long space and he rolls his eyes imagining what ridiculous situation they've deemed as drama now. Last time it was Ju-Kyung having pimples, a topic that was completely groundbreaking and worthy of weeks of discussion. So it's with the smallest shred of curiosity that he stands up wandering over to the commotion.
"What's going on?" He directs to the closest person, some mousy looking girl who stutters out an indecipherable answer. He looks at her confused before stalking away to find someone who has a better grasp of communication. He poses the question again, to a boy this time.
"I heard one of the girls started freaking out in the bathroom. Screaming not to be touched."
He stands frozen before the words register in his brain and his feet are moving without his brain's permission. Shoving past gossiping bystanders, he easily gets to the front only to see Ju-Kyung covering someone with her sweater as they walk down the hallway. Immediately the crowd comes alive and they surge forward like a wave all calling questions out at once, "What's wrong with you?", "Why did you freak out?", "Who do you think you are? Are you too rich to be touched or something?"
He twists his head around ferociously at the last question, everyone in front of him gulps while taking a step back. The hallway is a cacophony of voices and shouts and he can feel his anger boiling, slamming his fist into the nearest surface-a wall- he gets everyone's attention.
"Go back to your classes. Now."
Some of the male students look as if they are going to challenge his authority but another step forward is all it takes to get the student body scampering to their classrooms.
Inhaling deeply he stomps off to find the source of his unease.
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It had been hard to disregard, how lacking of warmth her house was. Seojun's apartment had been brimming with warmth and love, the fridge bursting with papers and drawings documenting that someone cared enough to show them off. Her home was a large empty prison in comparison.
But she'd been right, it was dark and quiet proof that her parents were not home. With her heart in her throat she ran to her room, locking the door behind her. Sleep captured her before she knew she was in its grasps, waking up groggy hours later and forgetting where she was. Fierce pounds on her door reminded her instantly.
"Open this door now."
His voice is a low growl, even more terrifying than when he's screaming his lungs out. She grabs her vanity chair pressing it under the door knob for more protection.
She jumps when the door bulges, the loud crashing making it clear that he's slamming bodily into the door now determined to get to her.
"Please....stop." She pleads, tears already cascading down her bruised cheeks.
"Open this fucking door!!"
She's sobbing now, body folded as she cries her eyes out shaking viciously as her father continues to ran into the door, dread filling her stomach as he's never fought this hard before.
Then everything is quiet.
The pounding is gone as suddenly as it arrived. She doesn't let go her panic just yet, still too raw. Butt seconds crawl to minutes and she hears nothing so she finally exhales, sliding to the floor in relief.
She weakly crawls to her bathroom, turning the dial to the hottest temperature possible wanting to burn off his brand on her skin. After her shower she brushes her wet hair, staring at the bruise, it's turning yellow now with tinges of purple. Good thing she let Su-ah and Ju-Kyung convince her to buy foundation the last time they were in the beauty store. She will have to layer it on tomorrow.
She's starving but the thought of leaving her room with him in the house is enough to eliminate her appetite. Instead she puts on a warm sweater and sweat pants and wraps herself in a thick blanket, still too cold ice running through her veins.
She had never felt as warm as she did at his house.
A quiet knock thankfully pulls her away from such unnecessary thoughts. She simply listens.
"Su-jin, it's mom. I brought you food."
She sits up, crawling out of bed to stand in front of the bed. Her mother has never brought her food, even when she was nine and hadn't gotten a perfect score on her spelling test and her father locked her in the closet for two days with only a dictionary. She'd contemplated eating the pages before she was finally set free. Her mother had simply looked away, avoiding eye contact until she was safely back in her room.
But her stomach grumbles at the mention of sustenance and despite her best judgement she opens the door.
It's a mistake.
Immediately she notes that her mother has nothing in her hands, trembling herself and before she can slam the door shut a foot blocks her escape.
He uses the belt that time whipping her in places that others will never see, her back, thighs, and shoulders. Her mother's weakly calls out, "Don't hit her face she has to meet that boy you wanted this week."
It goes on for what seems like hours, he leaves her crumpled on the ground her body stinging as she refused to cry, blinking her tears away not wanting to give him what he wants. When her mother meekly walks over and extends a hand to her, she looks at her with listless eyes. Her mother has a fresh bruise on her cheek, her father hardly hits her anymore using Sujin has his punching bag instead but at times of high frustration he would regress.
She wonders if her mother knew that one day this would be her faith. If this was the purpose of her birth.
She doesn't take the hand. It seems there was still some hope left, it is extinguished now.
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The school day had been easy she's been hiding her abuse for years, no teacher had ever suspected a thing and she didn't even blame them. It would just be bothersome, her father was a powerful man there wouldn't be much they could do.
She slaps on a smile, allowing herself to be dragged around by Su-ah and Ju-Kyung, listening as they giggle about their boyfriends chiming in the appropriate moments to not seem disinterested or jealous. She is jealous though, of their freedom and innocent problems, she'd lost her innocence a long time ago.
She knows Seojun is trying to talk to her but she can't handle seeing him right now, having to face someone who knows what she's going through sounds worst than being beat right now. So she jolts at every sight of the tall lanky figure, thankful for his fan club who seems to announce his every arrival. She's on her way to having a successful day when everything goes to hell.
She's in the bathroom drying her hands when a classmate comes in, responding to the small talk she answers the girl's question before nodding her head in goodbye.
"Oh your tag is sticking out."
That's all she hears before a hand is brushing across her sore beaten neck and her reaction is instantaneous, she turns around catching the offending hand and twisting it.
Her throat wheezes out, "Don't touch me."
The girl stares at her wide-eyed before tugging her hand away, then other girls begin to come of the stalls to see what's happening and before she knows it she's hyperventilating on the ground, nonsensical words dripping off her tongue. Everything is too loud and her head is splitting in half just when her vision is graying out, she smells a familiar perfume.
"Su-jin ah, you're going to be okay. Just breathe with me, follow me."
Ju-Kyung's voice is calming and sure, not touching her but covering them both in her sweater as she models how to breathe, she follows until her lungs are no longer burning.
"Good. You're doing so good, is it okay if I touch you? I'm going to help you up."
She grabs at the bathroom wall yanking herself until she's upright, trying to show her friend that she's not that weak but a look of hurt is displayed on her face and Sujin doesn't comprehend why.
The other girl shakes it off though, now covering her fully with her cornflower yellow sweater.
She's suddenly reminded of her nightmare this morning as she has to pass all the students in the hallway, all pointing and laughing as she falls apart some of them even have their phone out recording her and she sways uneasily before catching herself, trembling the whole way she walks down the hallway until a loud bang and a voice she recognizes all too well silences the uproar.
Resisting the desire to look back she allows Ju-Kyung to pull her up the stairs until they're on the roof. Air pumps into her lungs as she's finally free of all the judgmental eyes.
She expects the other girl to start interrogating her the moment the door closes but it never comes, instead Ju-Kyung places her sweater around her trembling body.
"You're okay. Just keep breathing."
She does her best to follow the uncomplicated directions.
After a few minutes, Ju-Kyung's phone suddenly rings disturbing the quietude. She barely hears blood rushing in her ears like the waves at the beach.
"Okay we're on the roof."
She stills at that utterance, turning in alarm.
"Who was that? Who did you tell where we are?"
Ju-Kyung looks guilty, as if she wasn't meant to hear that conversation. She doesn't want to see anyone right now, can barely stand to be with herself.
"Call them back and tell them not to come. I want to be alone."
Ju-Kyung holds her phone in her hands gingerly staring at the screen, clearly contemplating what is the right decision. She almost lunges for the phone to see who is the most recent call, but it's not needed as the roof door slams open.
"Why are you here?" She shouts, walking away now furious that tears are already filling her eyes now just at the sight of him.
"Nice to see you too princess." He drawls back, following her further onto to roof.
"Will you two be okay? I have to go back to class."
She spins to glare at her friend, why would she leave her alone with Seojun? They have had any interaction at school that hasn't been antagonistic.
"Yes, we need to talk." He answers for them and that's enough to make Ju-Kyung nod before walking off with a smile in her direction. The door shuts loudly behind her retreating back, Sujin wants to chase after her. Instead she turns back to him spitting fire and poison. 
"I told you to mind your business."
"Are you okay?" He counters, eying her like a wild animal who can bolt at any minute, he isn’t wrong.
"That's none of your business!"
His expression remains the same, those beguiling feline eyes that scream at her.
"How hurt are you?"
Her emotions come crashing down again. He just keeps pushing and picking at her, no matter how much she shouts and shoves him away he just won’t go away like everyone else did. What is wrong with him? Couldn’t he see that she was more trouble than she was worth?
"What do you want to hear, huh? That everything hurts, that he used a belt this time! Do you want to hear about how he beat me until I bleed! Why do you care what happens me, why won't you leave me the fuck alone!"
Sobs ravage her body, she keeps brushing the fiery tears away fighting with her emotions but they won't stop and her palms are wet from covering her face, her breath is hitching until she starts hiccupping uncontrollably and she starts to feel light-headed.
"Hey! Su-jin! Breathe!"
But she can't, she doesn't remember how. Her body only knows how to hurt.
"Breathe, damnit!" Despite his shout, she hears the slight quiver in his voice but she can't discern why it's there but it desperately makes her want to obey.
When he cups her head, staring her head on she feels the vine wrapped around her lungs shrivel up and air starts gushing in until she feels dizzy, she sways back and forth gravity now also working against her and then she's being reeled in, her head placed on his chest. The thumping of his heart lulls her into a meditative state, she starts to count the beats and before she knows it the cobwebs in her head subside. Embarrassed by their sudden closeness, his arms are still by his side now almost immediately retracting from her head but she can feel his warmth radiating onto the skin of her thighs, she begins to draw back.
"Just stay. It's helping."
She blisters at his words, preparing to push him away.
"It's helping me, seeing you like that....it scared me. I helped you the other night, you should return the favor."
She puffs up before deflating, she'll never admit it but this is helping having something else to focus on, his scent, his heartbeat, the way his chest expands and constricts with every breath. The buzz of their skin nearly touching, his deep voice rumbling through his chest and into her ears, all placating and soothing her worries away. 
"Fine."
She's never known Seojun to stay still for this long after years of attending the same school, always bursting with kinetic energy so she's pleasantly surprised by how long he simply stands and lets her rest on his chest, neither of them saying a word.
She stiffens when he suddenly starts moving disturbing their stillness, she sees his hands balled into tight fists by his side and wonders what's going through his mind.
"You can't go back there."
This again, she starts to remind him that she has nowhere to g--
"Stay with me."
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yandere-sins · 4 years
Note
It’s me again! Really liked what u did with Diavolo, just great! Could I request 24 and 7 from the prompt list with Mammon?
I am so glad you enjoyed it!! Thank you for requesting the best boi ♥
“Humans are such needy creatures. Why would you need to talk to anyone except me!” + “You didn’t heed my warnings, so I guess I should make it clearer for your human brain.”
»»————-———— ♡ ————————-««    
Sighing, you stood in front of Mammon’s door, fist already in the air, ready to knock.
You knew you shouldn’t have come - after all, he told you to stay away, but the situation was a desperate one for you. After knowing each other for almost four months now, you really felt like you had grown closer with Mammon. He had been helping you out a lot despite his haughty attitude, and you were thankful for the times he was there for you in his own... unique way.
Still, now he was unavailable to you, constantly pushing you away, saying he didn’t want anything to do with you. There was nothing you remembered that you did that could have caused that, but you wanted nothing more than to speak it out with him, see what you can do. Even if he’d tell you that you two were not as close as you thought - which surely would hurt - you’d at least like to know and not just distance yourself from him without ever speaking another word with each other.
Knocking, you waited a few seconds, but without any response from the inside. He was there, you knew that much. After all, you watched him quickly vanish in his room as he saw you coming down the hallway. It was then that you decided that enough was enough! You certainly were the least scary person in this house, if he had a problem, he could talk to you about it, and you’d give him his freedom after that. But just disappearing from your life when you two were supposed to support and get through the year with each other, that wasn’t an option.
Gripping the doorknob, it turned, the door not locked from the inside despite you expecting that. But this way, it easily opened, allowing you a strong entrance into the scene that unfolded before you. But as fast as your sudden determination had come, giving you the strength to take this step, the faster it disappeared as your mouth fell open, eyes focusing on the back wall of the room.
“[N-Name]?!” you heard him call out, shocked that you’d suddenly burst in like this. Frantically, he tried to pull a cover over the pinboard he had attached to his wall instead of the usual painting next to his bed. But it was too late, you had already seen the contents. “Is that... me?!” you asked, flabbergasted as you closed the distance to him, pulling off the cover against his attempts to hide what laid underneath.
And you were right, countless pictures of you, talking to other demons and residents of the Devildom, always from an angle that implied you did not see the person taking them. “Why do you have those pictures?” you asked, tearing one off to give it a closer look before looking at Mammon with many questions in your eyes.
The poor devil looked like he was going to melt into the ground any second now. Never before had you seen his face so red, and his hair almost standing like the neck hair of a cat. He was as tense as you felt, clearly busted doing something he shouldn’t have. And to make it worse, it was you who caught him.
“I was just keeping watch, so nothing would happen to you...” Mammon tried to explain, and you simply shook your head, quickly pulling your hand away as he tried to snatch the photograph.
“You keep running your mouth talking to all those people, you can never know who’s going to snap!” Raising his voice finally startled you a little, allowing him to retrieve the precious picture, putting it back on the pinboard before pushing himself in between you and it. “What’s it to you?!” he hissed, and you furrowed your brows in anger, unable to understand why he was acting like this.
“What ‘What’s it to you’!? Mammon, I can see from here that those are all pictures of me talking to your brothers, the angels, or Solomon! Why would anyone of them harm me?!”
“Those are the worst,” he mumbled very quietly, pursing his lips in a pout.
“Excuse you?!”
“AH, damnit!” Mammon suddenly exclaimed loudly. “Humans are such needy creatures. Why would you need to talk to anyone except me!”
Your mouth fell open as you wanted to say something, but if you were honest, you had no reply to this. Had this been his reason for being weird in the last few days? Was he just jealous of the conversation you had? Last time you checked, he just as much conversed with everyone around you. Surely, it couldn’t be simple worry about your safety as Mammon had been quick to let it fall as an argument.
“I can’t believe it...” you finally mustered, bringing your hands up to rub your face. You felt a headache building in the front of your brain from the stress. “I’ve been worried for days now about you ignoring me and sending me away, but here you are, more concerned about me talking to anyone than about our friendship. I am so stupid.”
You turned, ready to leave and try to work through this weird mix of new realizations on your own when he suddenly snatched your hand. Instinctively, you wanted to shake him off, but his grip only grew tighter until you found yourself struggling with him despite it being your hand captured, after all, not his.
“Wait, where are you going?” he asked, eyes wide open in surprise. “You can’t just go now.”
“I can! You said you didn’t want me around anyway! So what is it now, Mammon?!” you hissed back into his face.
“I’ve only been looking out for you! Why are you acting so ungrateful?!”
“You’ve been doing nothing for me except, maybe, spy on me!”
“Well, someone had to!”
“Oh,” you rolled your eyes dramatically. “Thank you for your service, you Creep!”
You could see it in the way he bared his teeth that he didn’t appreciate your sarcasm, or perhaps, the new nickname you had for him. But next you knew, he had you wrestled down on the long couch in his room, pinning you underneath him. Never had you expected it to be painful to be pinned into a couch, but the sight above you was no better for your heart as the pain to your body.
Biting his lip, Mammon seemed to be somewhere between hurt and anger, perhaps a bit of regret swinging in him still. “I tried... times and times again,” he said slowly. “I told you. When you made a pact with Levi, Beel, Asmo - I told you every time! And also them! I am your first, your absolute pact! You and I belong together, and yet you keep going away!”
He took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second. You were tempted to use a well-maneuvered kick to his crotch, but your enthusiasm fled as he opened his eyes again, tears collected in them. “What else could I have done, you left me no choice but to follow... But when everyone was so much more important than me, I tried to keep you away... I tried so hard to forget and move on, but then you kept coming back, and I was left with no choice...”
“Mammon...” you mumbled, suddenly feeling bad that you never realized he was struggling so much with something that you two certainly could have talked through. However, he shook his head quickly, sniffling away what had built up in his nose. “But no longer,” he simply declared, and this time when his eyes opened, you saw nothing of the regret you perceived in them before.
There was a gleam in them that upset your very core, primal instincts awakening in you that you didn’t think you had. It told you to run and hide, and never interact with Mammon as he was now again. You felt nauseous just looking at him when he seemed so... mad. When he looked at your submissive, held down form under him, the reflection as clear as the slowly building smile on his lips. This was beyond how he looked at even Goldie, and it brought goosebumps to your skin in response.
“You didn’t heed my warnings, so I guess I should make it clearer for your human brain.”
“Mammon, what--” you tried to ask, hoping it might spark some reason in him. But you feared for his sanity when he looked you in the eyes, pitying.
“You’re mine. After all, you came so desperately to me, searching for contact. I’ll make sure that there won’t be anyone ever again keeping you away from who you belong to.”
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docholligay · 3 years
Text
State of the Baby Union
It’s been nearly two months since I had Jewlet, and there’s a number of things that I’ve observed, learned, or otherwise experienced since then. This exists, so I can share them with you: Is this going to be useful to anyone? What will this look like? I have no idea. 
The good: 
It’s remarkable how much of a help Jill is, and how much she’s stepped up to the plate in all this. It’s particularly striking to me when I’m on mom’s groups or talking to other women who are married to men, and realize the MAJORITY VAST VAST MAJORITY of men don’t take on hardly anything for the baby. They don’t get up at night with the baby, they don’t take on extra chores around the house, they believe it’s their god-given right to come home and have ‘leisure time” some of them even get JEALOUS of the attention the baby is getting. My wife works overnights. Every night she has off? What is technically her weekend? She gets up with the baby instead of me. Her ‘weekend’? Is my Monday and Tuesday. She takes the baby all day so I can work (Except today when she is volunteering at the zoo, doing a checkup on the wolverines) anyway I’m very lucky to have her, and I love watching her with the baby, she’s a wonderful mother. She’s so loving and sweet. Jill has always been far more maternal than I am, which is not to say I’m a bad mother, but simply that the sweet soft mommy thing is definitely her ahaha. I love her now more than I did before, even, and I know having a first child strains a lot of marriages but it’s made ours even stronger. 
Special shoutout to Teddy Nick, also, who has taken such an active role in Jewlet’s life. I expected help from her! This in itself was not a shock. But I have been so surprised by how much she has been willing and able to do, extra, stupid things that I don’t even need but are very well liked, such as sitting with Jewlet at night sometimes so I can take a bath. That kind of extra shit! I am spoiled immensely. She’s got Jewlet in the wrap right now for the simple reason that it’s easier for her to type with it on than it is for me (I am smol, and my setup doesn’t support a large amount of space between me and the desk). I never expected her to do THIS much, and I’m very very lucky. 
Jewlet is becoming a real person! She smiles at me, and laughs, and stretches so cute in the morning and it’s starting to feel more like interacting with someone rather than being acted upon. It’s made such a difference in my mood, just because she can realistically interact with me in a way she couldn’t before. Her little happy baby noises are so cute, and I can see her turning into Midge the person. It’s delightful every day to get to see how she’s coming along, the person she’s going to be and it’s exciting too! There’s so many things I want to show her and share with her, and as much as I love her now, every day lets me know we’re closer and closer to when I can show her and teach her things. 
JEWLET SLEEPS SO MUCH BETTER AT NIGHT THAN WE HAVE ANY RIGHT TO EXPECT. She can be a real pill during the day sometimes and that’s frustrating when I’m trying to get things done but she refuses to be put down, but at night? She’ll routinely, not every single night, but OFTEN, sleep from 9-3, which means I have my half hour to read at night and then also actually get some goddamn sleep. It’s miraculous. 
The bad: 
Holy shit is it difficult to get anything done. I started writing this post at 9:30 am, it’s now 12:30. I have cried so often over the raw frustration of trying to manage having an infant and pumping and doing my job and I am more stressed out than I have ever been in my life over the sheer volume of shit I CAN’T get done right now. I’m so used to being together and having my life in order and having time for things. It’s STARTING to get better, as we work out a routine, Jewlet gets SLIGHTLY more likely to let me put her down for five minutes, and Jetty and I start alternating our schedules so there’s always one of us to watch Jewlet. But it’s hard, it’s so hard. (On that note, if I owe you something, we’ll pick it up in the next few months, as things get worked out. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE) 
I don’t have time for things! I miss doing my little craft projects and art stuff, I want to start running and working out, and only recently have managed to carve time out to read. It’s really wearing, and I see how women can fall into making their baby their whole personality, because what else can you do? It’s so hard to keep any of the things you loved going, and I have a ton of help compared to other people. It feels so dehumanizing sometimes. 
Sometimes I just cried in the last six weeks because I couldn’t get her to stop crying, or I missed being able to simply clean the house, or I felt unappreciated for what I CAN do, or my feelings got hurt badly. Sometimes I feel everyone is better at juggling all this than I am, at being a mother and working and keeping a home. 
The ugly:
I had a REAL HARD post labor situation, and it took weeks to resolve at all. I still have some symptoms and difficulties and pain, and it’s annoying and it make things even harder for me emotionally, because I not only have the reality of struggling with my new time based reality, but also my physical reality, which I am utterly unwilling to accept as a long term thing and am going to keep working against. I desperately want the athletic, conditioned body I had back, which could do so much for so long with such balance and flexibility (and also fit all my motherfucking clothes). 
I think that’s generally the hardest part, is finding MYSELF in my new reality. I sound ungrateful, and I don’t mean to, but I think more than anyone in the family, I’ve had to drop a lot of balls lately, and it’s hard! I can’t wait till I’m back up to making all my cards, and writing, and cooking elaborate things, and all of those things that make me ME. I miss myself, in some ways, as dumb as that sounds.
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Text
heiress - 5
pairing: bucky barnes x reader
a/n: more parallels between wanda and reader plus hayward being a bitch to reader. also pierce did not die during the winter soldier events in this universe. at this point this is called wanda and y/n collectively grieving over her how shitty their lives are.
previous chapter
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The young woman held a small gun in her left hand, shooting the target at least 10 metres away from her with a mechanical precision, switching it to her right hand and achieving the same type of perfection and precision not even senior agents had. Yet, there she was, one of the newest SWORD recruits. Many people had opposed for her to join SWORD straight after escaping from HYDRA and the Red Room; however, Tyler Hayward had forced for her to become a new recruit. “Having Alexander Pierce’s daughter in our team will be an asset” he said and it somehow convinced all of SWORDs panel to take her in. She had nowhere to go after all, the Red Room will be after her in no time and she had no way to defend herself alone and so SWORD was her only option. An option she thrived under, being much more advanced than any junior recruit yet it was a far cry from what she wanted. She didn’t want to be an agent but that’s what she was, what she had been trained to do.
The trainer slowly blinked walking up to her and giving her a congratulatory pat on the shoulder which everyone could sense was filled of jealousy. She was thrown to the back of the line with someone else who also inspired jealousy in most recruits. Monica Rambeau, daughter of Maria Rambeau, the current SWORD director. They had never spoken too much other than orientation day where they introduced each other by their agent number.
     - That was the coolest thing I’ve seen today. - she hide a childish smile as the next recruit started  his training. - I’m Monica. 
     - Y/N. - she smiled and shook her hand. - Is it always like this?
     - Most of time yeah. The trainers are dicks about it when you’re better than them. 
     - Men. - Y/N rolled her eyes, getting an understanding nod from Monica. 
     - Excuse me? - Tyler Hayward entered the trainee room, always dressed in a polished suit as if that would be of any worth in a fighting situation. - I’m sorry for disturbing but I need Ms. Y/N Pierce to accompany me. 
Y/N Pierce. She always hated that name, even more than her code name. The mere thought that she had that last name, the name of one of the leaders of SHIELD was almost like a cruel curse on her. Everyone seemed to think of him as this all around saint yet she knew better; after all, if he had no reservations about submitting his daughter as a project and asset then he would have no reservation in hurting anyone else. SWORD had done their best to keep her existence a secret, not really allowing the connection to pass through but she knew he was looking for her and if he wasn’t the Red Room and HYDRA definitely were. 
She shared a confused look with Monica before stepping towards Hayward who led her away from the room and into the hall. He didn’t stop to explain to her why she had been summoned, instead he just kept on walking and she took the lead to follow him, entering a blackened window filled hall. They stopped in front of a window which gave way into an autopsy scene. Y/N was used to seeing death, some would say she was born surrounding it; however, she was not prepared to see what was being shown to her. It was almost as if she were sleeping, her mother. Laid across the metal table with various doctors surrounding her, the HYDRA symbol branded onto her foot. She looked over to the side, hand over her mouth as she felt sick just to see it. 
    - Our intelligence believes HYDRA is trying to send a message and we don’t believe they won’t stop anytime soon.
    - Was it fast? Did she suffer?
    - Gunshot to the head. Quite merciful, really.
    - Why are you showing me this?
    - Well, HYDRA experimented on you but there is the possibility your “enhancements” might be genetic. 
    -  What is that supposed to mean? Why did you really brought me here, Hayward?
    - We need the next of kin’s permission to perform an autopsy and it seems that would be you, following your mother’s will.
    - No. - she stepped back. - You’re not gonna tear my mother apart for a stupid hypothesis. No. You don’t have my permission
    - We’re being kind enough to hide you from your father for no specific reason. You either accept it or we’ll be forced to hand you to SHIELD.
The night air was crisp and sharp as he sat on the swing next to hers. She hadn’t changed much other than her hair which was much longer but her face was still unblemished by the tragic unkindness of the world. After all it had been about 5 years since he last saw her and he hated the fact he had forgotten her. Somewhere, deep within himself he knew her mark was still there; he could still hear her voice in his dreams but he always chucked it to his mind crumbling under the pressure it had been under for so many years. Nevertheless, he had heard her voice plenty times, specially in Bucharest. It had haunted him from nights and nights on end; “Promise?” “Yes”, turns out it wasn’t someone he had killed but someone he had forgotten. Her of all people. It had come back all to him after that woman gave him the file. Her name alone, her lips telling him her name. He remember telling himself he would not forget him as they prepared him to go back in the blender and he did. He forgot about her but looking at her everything came back to him; the good and the bad. But the most of it was he remembered loving her, he still did, a feeling that had been dormant for a long while and suddenly awoke in him. Of course Bucky did not expect her to love him back, he didn’t blame her either. She was a good kid, too good even. 
     - Uhm ... are you enjoying it here? - she motioned her hands abstractly. - In the hex, I mean. 
     - It’s better than in hideouts with Sam and Sharon. - he chuckled dryly, looking up at the transparent yet red tinted dome. - I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. Sam is great, despite everything and Sharon ... Sharon has helped me so much, I owe her that.
     - Oh ... - her heart dropped to her stomach as an ugly feeling took over her. Sure, Wanda would say it’s jealousy but she refused to admit it. 
     - What about you? I never really asked what you did after ... you know, IT. 
    - You can say the name. - she smiled at him yet it was voidless of any emotion, as if she were used to people tip toeing around the subject which they always did. - I became a junior recruit for SWORD until the blip then ... I was gone for a while but it didn’t hurt. It was almost like I was finally at peace and then I woke up and Hayward was director. He sent me and Monica to investigate the hex Wanda created, mostly to keep his own project a bay. Then we all ran off, got classified as fugitives. The rest is really not important. 
     - I don’t really think I need to tell you what I’ve been up to.
     - You don’t ... most of it it’s my fault, anyway. - she got up from the swing once she noticed a purple light a few miles away from the limits of the hex. The back of her eyes started growing instinctively white. Bucky got up as he recognised her fighting stance, a hand safely placed upon her shoulder. - Go grab Wanda.
     - Y/N ...
     - Go grab her, now. - she stood there watching the purple light almost call out for her. Bucky chose to do what she said, the white mist involving around her fingers as she stepped towards the hex, fingers barely touching the wall. 
Bucky rushed inside the building, hoping to reach Wanda before Y/N could do anything irrational. However, before he could find the newly named Scarlet Witch, she found him with one of her twins behind her waist. Her eyes were glowing red, almost similar to those Y/N had except those eyes looked desperate, worried even.
    - Where is she? - she asked him with an ice like directness. - Where is she, Barnes?
    - Outside. She told me to come get you.
Wanda rushed past him with a speed that he had never seen before and he only followed after her. The two stepped outside the building, towards the swing tree where Bucky had left Y/N, except, she wasn’t there anymore. No, he couldn’t lose her. Not again. Vision came after the two followed by Yelena and Monica who had been awakened by the twins; however, Wanda did not need their help. She approached the hex, just missing the purple glow as it entered the woods. Bucky tried to step up but Vision pushed him back. 
    - Y/N? - Wanda broke through the hex, shutting Bucky out as well as Vision. It was night time, dark and cold surrounded by the woods of the place they had chosen to hide from the world. Breaking dawn was so far away and even the tallest individual would’ve melted into the dark night. - Y/N!
   - Are we not going to help them? - Bucky questioned back inside the hex, probably the most awake apart from the synthezoid and the former Red Room graduate.
   - It’s a witch thing. - Yelena smirked before springing into action. - We should activate the hex’s protective system in case something happens.
   - What about them? - Bucky once again interrupted, not receiving particularly kind looks from Yelena.
   - They’ll be fine, Mr. Barnes.
Y/N on the other hand walked further into the confused and dark woods, holding her small trusted silver revolver which reflected the moon light onto its surface; yet most of the light came from behind her coloured eyes. She did not know exactly why they did that, it was almost as if they light up whenever she felt threatened. Whatever it was, it was there inside of her. She, of course, knew it was Agatha lingering around; however, she never got dangerously close to the hex. It was an unspoken truth between the witch and Wanda Maximoff yet there she was. 
     - God, dear, I thought I’d have to break into the hex to get to you. - Agatha showed up from the darkness, dressed in her typical black and purple palette as if she were royalty. - So, how are you deary? Still playing Queen Elsa? Is that fun for you?
     - You’re trespassing. 
     - Come on, is that how you thank me for giving you Bucky Barnes on a platter? What else do you need to thank me? A love spell?
     - Go away, Agatha. What do you want? 
     - I am trying to help you, just like I helped Wanda. I mean how old are you, sweetheart? Old enough for HYDRA and SWORD to realise you can do much more than just magic tricks. Making a whole room objects disappear? Now that, that was impressive. If I knew you were gonna do that, I would’ve brought Barnes into your life much much sooner. - she crossed her arms. - I think you and I are very similar. Much more similar than Maximoff to be completely honest. Where were the avengers when your father handed you over to a terrorist organisation? Constantly overlooked, underestimated, seen as nothing but your father’s daughter. I understand, Y/N and I can help you if you let me help you.   
    - I ... - she faltered her response, slightly lowering down her gun. - You can really help me?
    - I know more about magic than everyone else, Y/N. I can train you, I can help you more than SWORD or Wanda Maximoff will ever help. I can even give you what you want the most. Barnes, a regular family, everything but a SHIELD recruit. A regular citizen and all I want is for you to give me my regular family. 
     - I can’t help you, Agatha.
     - I don’t mean to cause any harm, Y/N. I’m not the villain, I just want my husband back and only you can give that to me. That’s all I want. It’s a small price to pay for your happiness. I can even take it away, your powers, I can take them away and then you will have what you want. Pretty sure Barnes still has some swimmers and if he doesn’t surely Wanda can get you some kids, she sure did well with getting herself some. 
     - Y/N! - Wanda’s voice broke through the two woman’s conversation. Agatha smirked, purple eyes replacing her regular blue ones. - Y/N!
     - I think you need to make a choice, dear. 
taglist: @lookiamtrying
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pwapuri · 3 years
Text
Gintsu week day 7: meant to be
It was another dawn in Edo. The katoken program had already passed and they were showing the session of the films that nobody wants to see. Gintoki woke up in a jump dreaming again about some things from the past...When he bet with Takasugi that he could find the watermelon smelling the candy, he can still hear Zura's voice in his head saying it was a bad idea. Although younger Zura was always the most prudent and pleaded with Gintoki and Takasugi to stop getting in trouble without the sensei seeing them. That was when in the dream things got mixed up and Gintoki heard kagura taking Takasugi's place encouraging him to jump off the cliff while Shinpachi cut the watermelon and said the joke was over and the years had passed. An old man with responsibilities shouldn't do these things. It was true.
Upon seeing the friends of past and present, with the ghost of time on top of everyone gintoki woke up with kagura mumbling sleep and Shinpachi without the cover that fell off the sofa. The three had fallen asleep while the katoken program.
-Hey. Go to bed ... Do you all want to get a cold or...
He looked at the two young lying on the couch without concern. How long had it been like this?
At the age that Kagura now had, gintoki had lost Shouyo to the tendoushuu and at the age of Shinpachi he had already killed so many amantos and government officials that he had stopped worrying.
That was all he had now. It was more than he could ever imagine to have. When Otose found him and took him home, Gintoki went through the front door of what is now Yorozuya and thought that how big the space was, even that the space was just three times bigger than the prison cell. There was nothing, no furniture or equipment. He thought about how he would do business being who he was, without a title or master. But as soon as began to know the neighborhood and become friends with people and so they started to trust in his services, It wasn't long before he found these two idiots who started to follow him. That  room now looked tiny. Even though Shinpachi sometimes looked at him with contempt and even though he never managed to pay the month, making them be shamed. When they looked at him with admiration, when they asked for help or advice, everything was worth it. He never thought of it as a family because it is dangerous ... as companions it might be cowardly because he knew it was more. But he liked to think that this was another one of those feelings to which no name is given.
And out of all the people he met, almost all had the same title for him ... maybe not as strong as those two little pests who lived with him and whom he paid full attention to ...
All the idiots who gathered around him made him feel that way, indescribable.
As the day came he was thinking about his own life. Those kids weren't going to stay there forever ... nothing is eternal. But where the hell had space for a normal life? Staying here and there with a woman under his arm like the gorilla couple he knew? Or Zura and ikumatsu? No ... none of that seemed natural. Just imagining it made him shiver. The only situation in which he thought to walk around having a normal life was with Ketsuno Ana because he was going to show her off to the world ... after all, it was Ketsuno Ana. But of course it wouldn't be so good in reality after all, He didn't want to burn his wings getting too close to the sun ...and speaking of sun, what time was that?
Looking at the clock, he saw that there were six. He remembered tsukuyo's schedule by chance ... always by chance.
'Believe me, this is the time when I come home.'
After asking what time the hell she stopped working, that's what she answered. He marked her words because it was hard to believe that there were people who enjoyed working so much
He started thinking about things three years ago ... about the woman who had a destiny similar to him. She killed the master herself to protect someone else. What irritated him was perhaps because she was so different from him ... working and working instead of enjoying the life that the master gave her. After thinking so much he understands, her life and his are the same. The difference is that to forget, or rather, to remember that she is alive, she works.
The two were so similar and yet so different. Damn thought that bothered him. Why did it have to be this way? Why couldn't she make herself more of an idiot? Why it had to be so independent and beautiful? Beautiful ... a soul so pure and clean. Ah, that was a perfect attribute to keep him interested. But in the end it was impossible to keep something with that woman using just that ... he didn't worth it for her. He was weak and coward, afraid to lose those two lying on the couch, afraid of losing the friendship of others and was afraid of losing the life he won after losing everything two times. Starting over was tiring, new house, new goals, all of this is scary. It was already difficult to keep the feelings in place with those people around him. Imagine new sensations and the worst, new obligations.
But among those moments of fear, he wanted to throw everything up when he remembered that she liked him. She liked it enough to understand that he wasn't hers, who the hell gives up what loves to make someone else happy? What was her problem? Cowardice or courage? But after all, he didn't have the right to speak ...was he's fault to make that so clear , oh look! He thought, we are the same after all.
-maybe today she changes her mind and decides to say she loves me?
It would never happen. Otae and kyuubei were the first to say what he already knew. He was the one who must say he loved her or not. But he couldn't. First because he wasn't going to destroy her heart saying he didn't love her and secondly because he didn't like lying. It was not easy as with Sachan, that is a good woman (in many ways) but dosent work with him. Worse, she knew it and continued to insist.
Tsukuyo no, it was her and that damned hope... so he had to scream that she shouldn't have hope for a no future like him, but scream what she already knew?
Call to tell that you love her and can't live without the smell of lavender and cigarettes. That she's perfect for you in every detail. That she completes you.
Damn ... she knows. And yet she continues to look with those eyes. Eyes full of love and concern, even with a hard mouth to give cruel answers. Maybe he should call and say it. Call now!
Call and tell her to forget you, not to show up! That you can't love her and she needs to move on
What a mess...
What kind of feeling is that? As he thought again, it had no name, no shape. Where does he get these thoughts from?
Finally he picked up the phone and dialed. he thought of the bullshit he was doing on the first touch. Twisting the telephone cord sitting on the chair in the office, he began to murmur: 'Kestuno Ana I'm not cheating on you', 'believe me she's just a friend', 'this thing in my chest isn't what you thinking', 'I haven't seen her for months, I haven't spoken to her ... I'm the crooked savior of her home, I need to see how things are going', 'it doesn't mean betrayal, right?'
Four rings and no one answered. 'ah I knew ... she must have slept it, in fact it was what I should do too'
-Hello?
Everything went white. For a moment he forgot how to answer a phone. he heard the serious voice of the guardian of yoshiwara
-ham ... it's me. Is everything okay out there?
-gintoki is that you?
-Of course, did you think it was the joestar jotaro or something?
-Is this time to call? Have you looked at your watch? When was the last time you woke up so early in life?
What a regret.
-I thought something had happened, you ungrateful bitch
-What the hell would have happened that I couldn't have called the next day ?! You goddamned hollow head!
-My phone rang and I'm just checking, your stupid! -Said gintoki
All lies, the most poorly told. And she knew, again, she knew. She couldn't even hide the excitement of hearing after a night of patrol the voice of the man she loved most in the world.
-Well, it wasn't me... but I thank you for your concern. But there's nothing here that I can't handle. Unless a new yato king appears I don't need your services
-you are really stupid and boring! You will die unmarried! Damn time I called
-grumpy! Damn time I answered!
After a few seconds of silence gintoki was preparing to hang up when tsukuyo interrupted:
-but is everything really okay? Kagura and Shinpachi, are you all okay?
That was what destroyed him. She was like that, tough and sweet ... not much different from the others but something in her gentle way to say those things, how does she do that?
-yea. All right
-How about you? Is everything really okay?
Tsukuyo was never able to disguise it, she wanted to receive that call so much that it seemed like a dream. She was so happy to see that Gintoki remembered the time when she came home ... even though were it by chance. She thanked the universe and begged the man to continue the conversation
-Well, I had a weird dream ...
From that point on, the conversation lasted until the sun started to heat everything up again, until just before Shinpachi opened his eyes and saw the phone off the hook while gintoki slept on the desk. The desperation for the high bill made him yell at Gintoki and force him showering and getting ready, it was too late and they had promised to fix a roof at 11. Gintoki complained but was completely happy to have talked to tsukuyo. The two fell asleep hanging from the phone and it made them feel young again, as if for a moment everything was possible.
After all, that's what they were. The relationship between Gintoki and Tsukuyo might never leave the paper, there would never be room for a normal life ... but what was normal for them anyway? So it was enough. This enormous feeling of joy filled  and satisfied him. They never meant to be something because they were already everything for each other.
....
-Tsukuyo, Thank you for love me
-Thank you for letting me love you
__________
This was the most difficult prompt for me, I don't know why...I've tryed everything...edits, fanarts, comic. None of this managed to transmit my feels abou it. I'll make some fanart for the long prompt but, thats it!
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bangchanshehe · 3 years
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Bodyguard Lee pt.1
You met a kind stranger wandering the streets of Athens who was willing to go out of his way to help you. But across the globe weeks later you cross paths with him again. Could having this many unexpected meetings be a happy coincidence or an ill-fated destiny?
word count:2k
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“Okay, I think we got the last shot we can pack up and go back to the hotel now” your manager said looking through the camera monitor at the last clip the music video director shot.
You nodded your head and quickly bowed politely to everyone in the film crew who just contributed to the past few days of filming for your upcoming music video. You were dead tired, covered in clothes that were so bedazzled and weighted that walking in them alone was a workout, let alone dancing in them. You had about three pounds of glitter covering your body and your feet felt like they would explode if you had to wear the heels you were in for a second longer.
Your manager came next to you and gave you a soft pat on your head “good job y/n. Everything will be done once we get the jacket cover shot”
You looked up at her and let out a long sigh. This project seemed like it would never end for you, and of course you decided to do all of your filming overseas, so none of your normal routine was kept in place. And in efforts to not sound like a totally ungrateful brat you definitely were happy with how smooth things were running and how well everyone worked together in order to produce an amazing video for you. It’s just three days of running the same music over and over, dancing the same dance and working from 6am to 6pm was an absolute killer.
Your manager looked down at your feet and grimaced at bit noticing the blood that was starting to dry up from the blisters on your feet opening again and again the past few days. “hang tight, I’m going to go get the car” she said before she quickly disappeared.
You had spotted and empty chair so you wobbled over to it and quickly sat down and took off you heels. You winced as you peeled the demon shoes over your feet and you tried to massage the pain away before you had to put them back on.
“y/n!” you heard your name being called out from behind you
You turned to see a member of the set calling out for you as he ran towards you. You looked up to him confused as to why he was in such a rush. when he finally was within arms reach he softly smiled and bent over to catch his breath.
“y/n, I know this isn’t exactly business professional….” He gasped for air “but I’m actually a really big fan of yours! Would you mind taking a picture with me?” he asked with a shy smile
You chuckled at him for being so shy and you nodded your head “of course. But if you don’t mind…. Do you think you could bend over so I don’t have to stand up?” you asked him pointing at your bloodied feet
The crew member followed your finger and looked down at your feet only to look back up at you with his mouth open with shock. “of course! Thank you so much!”
He held up his phone and quickly snapped the photo of you two while the set was slowly broken down and packed away piece by piece in the background.
Just in record time your manager pulled around and stopped next to the chairs you were resting at and quickly jumped out to the open the door and help you get into your seat in the back. The moment that your door was shut you ripped off your heels and put on slippers. It was a shame that you weren’t able to take better care of your feet during this trip but having to maintain your perfect image was more important than your health sometimes.
As the two of you rode in silence you stared out the window into the busy streets of Athens and wondered where everyone was going. You watched as groups of friends were smiling and chatting with one another as they made their way to their destinations and as mothers walked hand in hand with their children on their way home. You had let a single tear fall from the corner of your eye and you quickly wiped it away before your manager saw anything.
You had loved your life and the abilities that you had now to do whatever you wanted and to take care of your family. Except that you couldn’t have the one thing that you really wanted… and that was to just be a normal girl again.
You faced the front of the car and stared at your manager for a moment as you gauged her mood. “do you think that tonight I would have time to take a look around the buildings near our hotel?” you asked her softly hoping that you would get a yes from her.
She turned her head to get a small glance at you before she turned back to face the road “with feet like that?” she asked jokingly. She was silent for a few moments before she finally spoke up again “you don’t have anything scheduled until 12 tomorrow so as long as you don’t stay out too long I don’t see a problem with that.”
You sat back into your seat and smiled to yourself. Out of everything that you had done this what you had looked forward to the most. Even if it was only to look around for an hour, you desperately wanted some alone time to smell all of the food and the wine, and explore what the city looked like at night.
“but you’d better wear some good shoes, because I wont answer the phone if you need me to come pick you up because your feet start hurting you!” she finished
“I wont! I promise” you said quickly
  Within a few more minutes you were back at your hotel and you practically sprinted up to your room to take a shower. You thoughtlessly washed your face and hair, too excited to take your time and complete your usual routines when all you wanted to do was get out and explore. As soon as you were done rinsing off you found your most comfortable clothes and a pair of slides that wouldn’t rub the back of your heels and blow dried your hair.
“bye” you yelled out to your manager as you smiled and made your way to the front door of your shared room
“bye” she said back with a chuckle.
You quickly left the room and prompted the elevator to take you down and as you waited you could feel the excitement begin to bubble inside of you. You had thought about what all you wanted to experience in your short time of freedom. The elevator opened and you began to make your way down to the lobby. Once it opened up you smiled and decided that the first thing that you needed was to get a souvenir for your mom. She never asked you to bring anything back from trips because she knew how busy you were and how your trips were business based and you hardly left any time for you to actually relax and enjoy where you were.  But despite not having the time you always tried your hardest to at least bring her back something.
When you were finally in the street you closed your eyes and took a deep breath, and allowed yourself to just enjoy this small moment. You looked up and down the road and followed the one that seemed the most busy, in order to avoid being taken to a residential area.
The street was filled with people walking around, taking photos, and eating on street side patios. You window shopped as you passed by each business and frowned as you noticed that the shops were for things that you couldn’t exactly take back home with you like glass blown items or things that were generic that you could buy anywhere. But instead of going back to the hotel you decided to continue to follow the flow of traffic into the next street.
Again, you were down on your luck and couldn’t find more than a few bistros and businesses, so you decided to enter a convenience store and ask for help to find a souvenir shop. You had waited in the line until it was your turn and tried your best to ask for directions, but your language barrier was really keeping you from making any progress.
“I’m sorry I don’t know what you are saying” the cashier said in her best English  with her hands in the air
“excuse me…” the man behind you said in Korean and you immediately turned around, excited and slightly hopeful that maybe he could help you
“yes?” you responded
“if you need directions somewhere I can help you, but allow for me to pay for my items first” he said and you gladly moved out of his way so he could check out
As he placed his items on the counter you looked at his side profile, and smiled to yourself. He wasn’t bad looking at all. In fact he was one of the first few men who had caught your attention in a long time.
When he was done he turned to face you with his bags and gave you a polite smile. He walked outside and you followed him like a lost puppy.
“where are you trying to go?” he asked you
You smiled up at him “I’m trying to find souvenirs to take back home”
“like postcards, cups, shirts… that sort of thing?” he asked and you shook your head quickly
He sucked on his teeth and looked up and down the street as if gauging which way he should go before he looked back down at you with a frown “you’re kind of in a bad spot for that sort of thing” he said softly and your smile quickly faded into a sulk. “the nearest ones are in the opposite direction from where we are. You see we are kind of in a residential area so there isn’t much around here accept for some specialty shops and cafes” he explained
You looked down at your feet and then back up at the streets. You had already spent at least 30 minutes just walking around and waiting in line at this small store. Dusk was starting to fall and you were really upset that you might not be able to find anything before businesses close.
“thanks” you said politely before you began to walk back in the direction of the hotel.
You walked in silence for a moment before you felt someone’s hand on your wrist “wait one moment” you turned around to find the same man who had helped you before. You had stopped and turned to face him once more
“if you give me five minutes I can take these home and then come back and help you get around” he offered you kindly with a soft smile
You battled with the voice in your head that told you that walking around in a foreign country with a stranger was a bad idea but decided that without him you probably wouldn’t get too far without being able to speak the language or know your sense of direction in general.
You nodded your head and gave him a soft “thank you” before he returned a beautiful smile back
“just wait here and ill be back as soon as I can!” he said before he turned around and ran down the road.
You watched as he ran off and you smiled to yourself. Thank god you found someone who was kind enough to help you. And thank god he didn’t recognize you… or at least he was really good at keeping his cool…. Or maybe he just didn’t care. Regardless you were really happy that this man was behind you in this line today.
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tobesobri · 4 years
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𝒮orry for the delay in this chapter 😬but i just want to say happy birthday to the anon that said this chapter is being posted on their birthday, i hope you had the best day ever!! and yeah, i really hope you all like this one because it’s one of my favorites! 
huge massive thank you to the incredible @youresogolden-h​ for editing ❤️
CHAPTER THREE: DRUNK TO AN 80S GROOVE (3.4K)
Harry and Y/N are friends…. with benefits, but not the kinds you’re thinking of.
🥥MASTERLIST 🌃INSPO TAG 🌻ASK TAG 💃PLAYLIST 🛌
Morning came and went by the time Harry woke up. With his curtains automatically shutting in the middle of the night and all sense of time lost, the only thing he knew for certain was that Y/N was gone. 
After confirming it, reaching out to find cold sheets instead of her warm body, he let out a huff and buried his face back into his pillows. He had wanted nothing more than to wake up with her in the morning and make coffee and just talk. But thinking back on his little daydreams from last night seemed extremely dumb to him now. She had a regular job with regular hours that she couldn’t be late for.
Once he got the energy to do so, he rolled onto his other side to grab his phone from the small, circular table next to his bed. He squinted at the bright light it gave off in his otherwise dark bedroom and then narrowed his eyes even more to read her message that had been sitting on his lockscreen for the past several hours.
(Y/N, 7:52 am)
Sorry I had to get to work.
Even in her texts she was concise. He grunted and practically threw his phone onto the emptied side of the bed. With his fingers dug deep into his hair and his palms covering his eyes, he thought about what she’d said last night for possibly the hundredth time since she’d said it. He still felt the knot in his throat and the stinging in his eyes from just simply repeating her words in his head again. 
For the entire time he’d known her, which was actually a decent chunk of time, he never would have guessed she felt that way. And he definitely would never have guessed she’d be telling him anything about it. He wondered how many nights she spent like last night where she didn’t have him to hold onto and he wondered if she was more like him than he’d thought. If she cried herself to sleep until it made her eyes burn the next morning. If she had the same destructive thoughts he did. Of not being good enough for anyone to stick around. Of desperately craving someone’s touch but being far too terrified to let anyone that close. 
They had their different reasons for it, but in the grand scheme of things, they were exactly alike. 
And he felt like a clown for never noticing it.
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Friday night was suddenly not like all the other nights. She came home from work and didn’t immediately crawl into bed after throwing on her worn out sleep clothes. Instead she pulled out a clean pair of sweatpants and a shirt she hadn’t worn in a long time and actually tidied up her room, instead of just tossing things into a chair or under her bed like she had for Harry when he slept over the previous week. She actually put things back where they belonged. She joined the ever-growing, untouched stack of books on her floor with the rest of them on her shelves. She gathered her dirty laundry and put away all the clean stuff that had been sitting in her hamper for weeks since she last ran a washing machine. She saw the clean, white table top of her desk for the first time in months and actually sat down to write in her planner when she was done with it all.
She’d been here before, coming out of the dark, but this time felt different. It felt like she actually had something to hold onto that made her accountable for keeping her shit together. 
And so, after a much-needed shower, she actually joined her roommates in the kitchen and ate dinner at a reasonable hour.
“Finally out of your room,” James commented while Y/N started helping herself to their overflow of Chinese takeout. Will and his girlfriend, Sasha, were already eating at their thrifted dining table with a very tired and stressed Violet sat on the opposite side from them. 
Y/N ignored him for the most part, other than to give him a mocking look, and made a plate for herself before reluctantly joining the others at the table.
“Look at this!” Violet exclaimed, pointing the screen of her phone almost right into Y/N’s face and then, before Y/N could even make out what the picture was of, Violet shoved it toward Will and Sasha. “He’s already with some other girl. It’s only been one fucking week!”
Y/N kept quiet, keeping out of that conversation completely after last Saturday when Violet had kicked her out at four-thirty in the morning because her boyfriend had broken up with her while he was getting ready for work. 
She couldn’t hold too much of a grudge, however, because if that didn’t happen, she would have never gotten into bed with Harry to begin with. On the other hand, if things hadn’t gone the way they did, she’d still have all her secrets to herself that she stupidly blurted out last night, which she’d spent the better half of her day trying to forget. She was pretty sure she trusted Harry, as much as she was able to, but telling him things like that made her remember just how much she hated anyone knowing anything about how vulnerable she could be. 
Ignoring Violet going on about her cheating boyfriend was made even easier when her own phone dinged in her pocket. Even poor Will tried to change the subject by asking who was texting her, but it was no use. Y/N shrugged him off once she saw Harry’s name on her lockscreen and Violet went right back to her rantings.
(Harry, 6:37 pm)
Can you come over again tonight?
She hated the way his text gave her butterflies. Like she was some high schooler with a big fat crush on the hot, popular jock she could never have. Still, she could not deny that him asking her to come over again made her fucking heart melt.
She ate a bit of her dinner before responding to him; just enough time to think up a believable story for her roommates. She wouldn’t get away with her coworker's place this time. She didn’t work tomorrow and had no reason to be spending the night there. So, after a moment to devise a believable plan for her roommates, she gave Harry her simple answer.
(Y/N, 6:49 pm)
Yeah.
Then she spent the rest of her time at her own apartment trying to find the right moment to squeeze into the conversation about her not staying in her own room tonight. She did eventually get it out, making up a lie that she was going over to a friend’s place. Friends she hadn’t talked to or seen since college, but Will, James, and Violet didn’t need to know that.
“I didn’t even know you were still friends with them.” Will questioned while he washed dishes and Y/N dried them. The others were in the living room after they finished putting away the leftovers.
“Well, I haven’t talked to them in a while, but yeah.”
Will just shrugged and handed her another plate to dry and put back into the cupboard overhead. “I know you hate it when I get all sappy, but I’m really glad you’re seeing your friends again and you just seem… happier.”
They all knew Y/N had really rough days and mostly tried to ignore it and let her be like she had asked them too, but Will often tried to get through to her, even if just to remind her that he cared about her and wanted nothing more than to see her happy. 
She felt guilty about lying, that he had no clue what she was really doing. And even though her sleeping with his best friend and colleague was just that, sleeping, it still made her feel a bit dirty, like they weren’t just sleeping if she felt the need to hide it from everyone. 
Telling some of her closest friends that she and Harry were friends-with-cuddle-buddy-benefits was not something she saw happening. Not any time soon. Or ever.
Once the dishes were done and she had a bag packed to take over to Harry’s, she was back on the same winding roads up to his house. This time, however, she felt a little more confident. He wanted her to be here. She wasn’t imposing on him. She’d let him see a glimpse of her true colors last night and he was still asking her to come over again.
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They ended up on his couch this time instead of going straight to bed, mostly because it had only been nine o’clock when she showed up and neither of them were tired enough yet. Plus, they couldn’t exactly drown themselves in a shared bottle of whiskey in his bedroom without potentially spilling it all over his 400 thread count sheets.
Once both their brains were swimming in alcohol, Harry finally said what he’d been meaning to the second she stepped foot inside his house. What he’d been thinking about the entire time they sat together and watched multiple episodes of Whose Line Is It Anyway, but he never found the right words or moment to do so.
“You’re not ugly.”
“What?” She flipped her head over to him, staring at him like he was crazy while he laid back against the cushions, practically half passed out at this point.
His eyes travelled to meet hers and his frown became even more prominent. “You’re not ugly and no one would be stuck with you, they’d be lucky to have you.”
She stared at him for a while, not even blinking until she finally averted her gaze and let his words sink in. She knew he was just drunk and possibly talking straight out of his ass, but it still made her feel better nonetheless. 
“I’m sorry about what I said. It’s kind of hard for me to believe you know anything about loneliness.”
He still stared up at her even though she refused to look at him again. “I see so many people every day, but I still come home to this big empty house all by myself at the end of it.”
She was quiet, letting him explain all the things she didn't understand about his personal life.
“I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but too many people, the only thing they want is an interview, a picture, a photoshoot. Whatever. All so they can make money, or get famous on the internet.” He paused and she could hear in his voice that he was tired, not necessarily physically, but mentally exhausted by what his life was truly like at the bottom line. “It’s extremely lonely when every single person you’ve let in your life like that just ends up taking advantage of you in the exact same way as everyone else.”
“What do you mean they’ve taken advantage of you?” Her voice was soft, trying her hardest not to sound as judgmental as she’d been with him last night. They both appeared to have their demons and she had no room to judge him for his. 
He sighed, picking at the front of his shirt distractedly. “My last girlfriend brought all her friends to this party I was having, but they just ended up stealing from me. They took pictures of my house, and of me when I was drunk. I felt like an idiot for trusting her the way I did… I still feel like an idiot.”
Her heart clenched in her chest listening to the way his voice cracked like he was only just breaking the surface of everything that happened in his previous relationship to make him as messed up as he was on the inside.
“So I was being a bit hypocritical when I got mad at you about not letting people in. You’re the first person I let get anywhere near me in over a year.”
“Why did you?”
He was staring at his hands in his lap when she looked over at him again. “I dunno.”
“Wow, great response, thanks,” she said sarcastically and it made him laugh at himself and come out of the hole he’d been digging himself into.
Once they were both done laughing, another risky question came to his mind, but just as he opened his mouth to get it out, she sighed and sat forward instead. “Think I’m gonna get ready for bed.”
“Okay,” he mumbled quietly before yawning at the mere thought of being passed out in his bed, “I’ll meet you up there.”
Nodding, she stood and on wobbly legs made her way upstairs where she vaguely remembered going last night. With her overnight bag in tow, she quickly found his bedroom again in the dimly lit upstairs area and flipped the lights on once she reached the bathroom. Her normal routine went a bit quicker this time, deciding one night without washing her face wouldn’t kill her.
She already knew, once she turned the bathroom light off and made her way back into his deserted bedroom, that she’d regret that decision when she woke up in the morning to new breakouts that had been waiting patiently to pop up.
Her tipsy mind didn’t care too much though and especially not when it cared a hell of a lot more about the view out his windows. So, instead of dragging her tired limbs to his bed, she went up to them, and looked out over the view of the city. At all the lights from tall buildings, other houses and traffic. It was beautiful, breathtaking and the whiskey swimming around her bloodstream couldn’t get enough of it. 
She stood there in front of the window for what felt like hours, staring off into the distance of a pretty good chunk of Los Angeles. It was a different view of the city than the ones she was used to. She usually hated it, the fake people, how expensive it was to do absolutely anything. She couldn’t even park her car at work for free. She hated how the streets always smelled like ass and the way her anxiety skyrocketed just from stepping out of her apartment building. It wasn’t a very forgiving city, but from way up here, she was in love with it.
Harry had already joined her in front of the windows by the time she realized he was there, a side effect of being in some weird drunken trance she supposed.
“This is the only thing I’ll miss about this place.” His voice was calm and quiet. Peaceful. His words weren’t so slurred and filled with disappointment as they had been earlier when he was dishing out his own confessions to her on the couch. 
She glanced over at him, lost now in the way the moonlight reflected off the high points of his face. She always thought Harry was attractive, but seeing him like this and knowing the things about him she’s sure he kept to himself most of the time, made her see him in a whole new light. Like she was meeting him for the very first time and just now realizing all the little things about him. From the way he stood with his weight off to one side and his arms folded across his chest to the way his eyes sparkled just like the city lights below them. All things she probably wouldn’t even be thinking about if she hadn’t gotten herself drunk.
“The automatic curtains are pretty cool.” He shook his head at her stupid little joke and she easily recognized the smile on his face from the shadows of his dimples. Another little thing about Harry she was just now learning to fully appreciate. As well as the way her stomach did cartwheels when he laughed at something she said. 
If she wasn’t drunk, every little feeling about Harry would be an enormous red flag telling her to slow the fuck down. That she was getting a little too carried away. 
And when he was no longer standing next to her, when he disappeared into the bathroom to get himself cleaned up for bed, she found one little thing about Harry she didn’t like. 
His absence. 
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She was more at ease being the first one to crawl into Harry’s bed. She didn’t have to worry about getting too close to him right off the bat, or about pulling the covers off of him accidentally. She could get herself comfortable first and with this whole situation being so foreign to her and so new, she needed it. She needed a chance to get used to it on her own. To dip her toes into the water until she felt fully acclimated to the temperature. 
And once he finally joined her, she was. His bed slowly started to become like her own, even if she had only slept there once before. The anxiety subsided while it finally began to feel as though she belonged right there next to him. 
Even from a distance, as he left plenty of space between them, she felt the heat of his body radiating off of him and his impression in the mattress where he laid. She felt him wiggle around a little until he got comfortable. 
And then finally, she held her breath, prayed that she wouldn’t accidentally kick him, and backed up toward him until she could actually feel him. Until she bumped her shoulder into his chest and her foot against his shin. 
Only drunk Y/N would be pulling such bold moves. 
He kept his hands to himself though, and she grew anxious the longer he stayed silent. There was still a small gap between her back and his front, no more than half an inch. Space he didn’t attempt to fill for a long enough amount of time to make her overthink her actions. Like maybe she was being too forward. Maybe they were better off falling asleep apart and naturally coming together through the night. 
But, when she felt his breath on her neck, tickling loose strands of her hair against her skin, she stopped worrying so much. “S’it okay if I touch you?”
Her heart just about stopped when she heard him whisper that, because hearing him ask for permission she realized he’d been sitting there overthinking as much as she had. Wondering if he should just go for it or not. Not being sure if she’d be okay with that. 
And not that she’d ever tell him, but it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for her, the way he’d asked first. Because Y/N didn’t like to be touched very much at all. It was a rarity for her to be okay with anyone putting their hands on her for whatever reason. 
But, for whatever reason, she hadn’t minded the few times Harry had done it. In fact, she’d craved his touch. It was something she never thought possible of her, but here she was breaking her own rules.
She nodded, “Yeah.”
As if in slow motion, he slipped his hand onto her side, bringing his body closer to hers as he carefully hugged his arm around her. And with her own arms crossed over her chest, cuddling into herself, he gently grabbed her wrist to hold himself into place. It took them both a couple more moments to get into comfortable positions, but it eventually worked out. He held onto her tighter once he laid his head down on his pillow, breathing in the scent of her coconut shampoo with his face practically buried in the back of her head, and he started drifting off. 
It became very clear, very quickly, that being the big spoon to his pillows was no match for Y/N. Not with how warm she made him feel or the way her breathing offset his and calmed him down. He wasn’t sure he’d ever felt the way he did with her with anyone else either. It was different. Y/N had no cold spots, no ill-intentions. She couldn’t possibly want anything from him when she refused to speak to him up until a week ago. He felt free with her. As free as he had been as a child, when he didn’t care about disappointing people and when he didn’t live in a constant state of paranoia about who he could trust. When he didn’t overthink himself into insomnia or toss and turn all night from the stress of it all.
Feeling her against him, breathing her in. He was free.
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justimagaine · 4 years
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“Melancholy” Series Part 5 - I Need Help / Chris Evans
Part 1 - “Oh, fuck them” ; Part 2 - “I’m here” ; Part 3 “Just Try” ; Part 4 “I Support You”
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  Chris had done exactly what he had promised. He found you a very good doctor, the best there was. He set up the appointment for you, but unfortunately it wasn’t the next day he called or even in a week. The next open apartment was after a month. Chris offered to find someone else you could talk to until the set up appointment, but you didn’t want that. You knew how hard it will be to talk to someone about your problems, to even start to tell a stranger your dark thoughts, but to do it again after a while, trying to open up to another person would be hard, so you said you’d wait till your appointment. In the mean time Chris became the person who you talked to or reached out to when some bad thoughts came back. He’d usually call and text you first thing in the morning, wishing you a good day and telling you to call him if anything happens. If the day went on and you didn’t call, he’d  call you to make sure you were okay.
  He had his phone by him all the time, no matter where he went, who he was with, his phone was by his side and on full volume. If he saw you were calling he picked up without hesitation. You still were unsure about telling other people that you were seeing help for your mental health, Chris respected that and told no one, not even the people you both were friends with, not even his family, especially his moms. You had become very important to Lisa, she loved having you around and always asked Chris to bring you over when they were having a family event or just dinner. You’d spend a lot of time with Lisa, ether helping her cook or just talk about life. Sometimes Chris would catch himself standing in the doorway looking at you two and smiling, he loved how close you were to his mom, family was very important to him so seeing the bond you had with his mom and even his siblings made him feel all kinds of ways.
  After you spent the weekend with Chris, it was hard and scary to get back to work and your own place. But you kept a positive mind, reminding yourself how far you’ve come and that soon you’d be talking to a professional that will help you and that you had Chris to support you and talk to. Every time you thought about calling Chris, especially after a bad day a work, you texted him first asking if he was busy, Chris didn’t text back, he called and then you’d spend hours talking. About your day and about his. You always made sure to ask him how he was, and even called him out on lying, telling him that he wasn’t the only one who could tell when the other person was keeping something back, with a chuckle he then would tell you the truth. Chris and you talked and saw each other more then you saw some of your family members, but nether one of you minded. The weekends you’d spent doing some adventures and when you’d tell him you weren’t up to do anything, he’d show up at your place with food, Dodger and a big hug ready for you. He wasn’t going to let you slip back in the deep dark, and you did the same for Chris.
  He had been taking care of you so much that he’d forget about himself. You caught him having an panic attack, so you helped him through it and now you were the one holding him, supporting him. Chris reassured you the panic had nothing to do with you or how he was taking care of you, Chris said it was work but still in the back of your head you thought it was your fault. As time was moving forward you felt that you and Chris had really become better friends, much closer. Some times you even looked like a couple, the way you slept on his chest when watching a movie, cooking together. Sometimes you’d catch him looking at you with a new look in his eyes, but never said anything, not wanting to ruin the moment, you’d just smile back at him. But no matter how happy you sometimes felt you’d wake up with sadness on your mind and heavy heart. You’d spent the previous day laughing and having the time of your life but the next you were sad and wanted to nothing, but sleep. Even started to think maybe you shouldn’t go to the doctor, maybe she couldn’t help you, maybe you’d talk to her and she’d tell you, you were a useless case and incurable. That you had no chance in this world. The wrong thing you did was not tell Chris about those thoughts.
  He had set up the appointment, called so many people and found someone for you after you asked and having thoughts like that made you feel embarrassed and scared. Scared he’d be mad, you even once woke up from a nightmare, where you finally told Chris what you were thinking and he started yelling, telling you how you were so upsetting and ungrateful. Saying he had spent so much time trying to help you and that you were just a waste of time. Seeing and hearing all that made you wake up all sweaty, out of breath and in tears. You knew it was just a bad dream, but still it felt so real to you. Chris had noticed that something had change din you, and no for the better, he hoped the time would go by faster and your appointment was here already.
  The time did pass and it was time to see the therapist. When you woke up that morning and realized you really were doing it, there was such painful panic in you, so much fear. Looking at your phone you saw a text from Chris, saying what time he was going to pick you up. Now you panicked even more, he was going to spend his free day taking care of you once again. He didn’t deserve that, you quickly took your phone texting him back that it was okay and he didn’t have to take you, you joked that you were a big girl and had to do it on your own. When he got it, he knew something was wrong, so he called you, but on the other end of the call he was making you sat in your bed, looked at the phone as his picture showed up and cried. You wanted to disappear, to run away, but you couldn’t move, you started to feel like you were giving up, you kept looking at that ringing phone and said 
  “Stop, please stop. Let me give up, let me just let go” with every passing moment you didn’t pick up his calls, Chris got very alarmed. This was what he feared, that the day would come and you’d change your mind, you’d get so scared you’d lock him out. Chris kept calling you as he ran to his car and drove to your apartment. Chris kept honking at every car that drove too slow for him
  “Move” he yelled at the cars as his phone kept trying to reach you, he kept imagining the worst “Please, please hold on. Just please” he was begging out loud, begging to you, begging for God to keep you there, to give him time to get to you. His heart was beating faster then it had ever, when he got to your apartment building. He jumped out of his car not even sure if he locked it, but he didn’t care. You could take his car if you wanted, he needed you more then a stupid car. Chris decided to take the stares, jumping over steps, he ran up to your floor, arm already reached out ready to bang on your door. He bang so loud he was sure your neighbors were going to come look what was going on be Chris didn’t care, he yelled your name, banged the door. There was no answer and that scared him like hell, it was more then early for your appointment, so he knew you should be home, you should be opening this door, he should be hugging you hello, but instead he’s banging on your door, and screaming your name, Chris was about to knock the door down, when he heard an elderly women speak up
  “Son, what are you doing?” Chris looked to his side asking 
  “Have you seen her today?  Did she leave?” the elderly women shook hear head, making Chris panic even more, he was about to hit the door again 
  “I have the key” she said going back in her apartment then returning showing it to him. Chris stepped back waiting for her to open the door, but she seamed unsure. She had every right, when a grown man coms running in the building and banging on her young  neighbors, screaming like a crazy person 
  “Please,” he begged as his voice cracked, as he as already was close to crying “I need to make sure she’s okay. Please” Chris was desperate and scared out of his mind and she saw that, Quickly went up to the door and opened it, Chris ran past the lady as she walked in looking around. He yelled out your name once again, waited and got no answer, now even more afraid, he ran to your bedroom. Chris saw your unmade bed and phone on it, but no you. His hands were shaking, as he scanned the room for some sign of you. His eyes finally landed on the light coming from the bathroom, with two long strides he walked up to it and swung it open, and his body overflow with so many emotions. There you sat on the cold bathroom floor, hugging you knees, crying Chris was happy to see you , but then he was terrified he didn’t know how bad it was, what you done. Chris ran up to you, placing his hands you shoulder, calling your name and shaking you un till you looked up at him. His heart broke seeing how red your eyes were, how truly broken you were
  “I need help” you said with more tears running down your cheeks 
  “Did you?” he was having trouble even finishing his sentence with his own tears coming and fear, you shook your head no, making him sigh in relief. He pulled you in his arms when he sat down next to you on the bathroom floor, Chris cried with you. He was so scared, never knew he could be this terrified. But he also was so relived and happy you were still here, in his arms. Chris helped you to your room and you two talked, you told him about the bad dream you had, about how scared you truly are to talk to a stranger about your life and mind. You told him you were scared about what she might say to you or what she would be thinking about you while you talked. You feared that there also was a possibility you wouldn’t be able to open up to her, to tell her the whole truth every bit of your dark thoughts.
  “Sweetheart, this is your first time seeing her. She won’t ask you your deepest darkest secrets, you’ll get there when you get there” Chris spoke calmly rubbing your back “she wants to get to know you, see where you need to start, see how often you two need to see each other. Imagine it being like a first day in school where you get to know each other” you looked up at him 
  “I hated my first day of school” you said making him chuckle
  “I know me too, but it’s going to be okay and hey if something happened in there that you’re not comfortable with, you have every right to say that or even leave and Ill be on the other side of the door, ready to hug you if you need” Chris knew very well how much you loved his hugs, so knowing he’d  really be there calmed you down. 
  “I’m sorry you’re wasting your day away helping me” you said as you nervously played with your fingers, he stopped you placing his hand on yours    “Don’t say that. I offered and I don’t see doing anything else today other then being there for you” you two just looked at each other, he truly made you feel safe. No matter what was happening he could find the right words to reassure you that everything would be just fine.
  Still scared out of your mind Chris drove you to your appointment. You walked in with Chris by your side, sat down and waited when you’d be called in. Chris kept whispering to you how you’d be okay and that he’s proud of you. Chris kept saying I’ll be here, I won’t go anywhere. All those things really helped, he calmed you. Soon you were called in. Slowly you walked to the open door, stopped and looked back at Chris, he was standing and smiling at you 
  “it’s okay” he whispered and so you walked into the bright room to be greeted with a very lovely smiling women. You were scared but also ready to do this, you had people supporting you, but most of all you had to finally take care of yourself. You weren’t going to keep hurting yourself and other, other that cared about you. For example Chris, who was sitting behind that closed door, thanking God he made it in time to you, and praying that you’ll be okay. Chris knew you were stronger then you thought you were. He also knew he was unbelievably, truly and deeply in love with you and he wasn’t going to lose you. Not like this, not when there was something he could do. 
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Tag: @chris-butt​ ; @denisemarieangelina ; @jennmurawski13​ ; @chriscaprogers ; @raabrakha ; @captainchrisstan ;
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One More Tomorrow (With You)
Prompt: One More Tomorrow by Frankie Carle and Marjorie Hughes
Day: 2
Word Count: 2,285
Sole found themself somewhere between their second and third bottle of beer on the highest walkway of the Institute paths, legs dangling past the railings, glass bottle clutched between their fingertips. It wasn’t something Sole usually indulged in, alcohol. They kept themself straight-laced, especially compared to the rest of the Commonwealth, considering their work with the Institute and the Railroad.
They’d been sent in as a double agent once the Railroad had figured out how to work the teleportation system. How long had it been? It felt like years ago, and yet just yesterday, that they had met X6-88 for the first time. Shook his hand, like an equal, and met that cold gaze, cold like the Atlantic waters; something shifted in their depths. They sighed. All they’d seemed to do so far that day was reminisce, despite trying to drag their mind elsewhere.
It felt too far, the promise of victory and freedom. Just out of reach, like the bottles that lay nearby, yet had rolled away, and the ground floor that was so far below them. They skimmed the fingertips of their free hand against the cool, glass walkway and tried not to get mesmerized by the way the artificial plants blew in the fake wind; fans circulated the air down in the Institute. It was suffocatingly sterile.
The clacking of boots alerted them to a far-familiar presence. God knows they’d been stuck to him like glue since they’d started working with the Institute, so it was no surprise they could pick him out of a crowd, his footsteps memorized and his voice already echoing in the back of their mind out of thin air. They began swinging their legs, appearing carefree, yet weighed down by their thoughts enough to crack the pathway glass.
Silently, he sat down beside them, legs folded stiffly as he stared into the distance at the expanding spider web of pathing in front of them. It was hard for him to relax. The Institute was always watching, no matter what they let you believe. X6 knew this better than anyone. Instead of speaking, lost on words for the day, Sole reached out and placed a hand on his knee. If anyone walked by and commented they could say they were drunk. They didn’t know what they were doing. No one knew they were a liar with a high alcohol tolerance.
X6 exhaled sharply and resisted the urge to turn to look at Sole. “Will you still be going to get lunch at the cafeteria tomorrow?” Are the plans in place?
Sole smiled. “Always do.” Have a little more faith.
He nodded. Always simple, always straight to the point. Always too much for Sole to handle, even when he was just existing. Without thinking much they ran their thumb over the fabric that covered his knee. Little fingerprints of theirs were left, not in ink or any visible material, but in memory, on X6’s skin. Scattered across his shoulders, back, and cheeks, like freckles left behind with blush, from all the times they had comforted him, held him.
It sent a shiver up his back. Even after spending so much time with him, the warmth of their skin was still overwhelming. Finding themself again, they pulled their hand away and rested it in their own lap, leaving the space cold and empty. Silence expanded throughout the air.
They were perched, like two trapped birds, at the top of their cage. Sole had long ago drawn the conclusion that X6 was a raven, flight feathers trimmed so all he could do was glide along the ground like the Institute wanted, never fly away from the environment that kept him so well contained. They had him so well indoctrinated that they taught him to trim his own feathers, keep himself in his cage. It caused bile to climb up Sole’s throat at the thought, a disgusted look scrunching their features.
When Sole first met him he’d been a metaphorical blank slate with all of the information the Institute wanted scribbled over his mind with chalk. They had begun edging their way closer to the slate the more time they spent with him. Slowly but surely, they swiped at the chalk writing, smudging the words. They never left completely, though, the way chalk dust clings oh-so-persistently to a blackboard no matter how hard you scrub.
And so they had a slate and a raven and nowhere to go with them. More than anything, they wanted desperately to get him out of the Institute, to bring him home with them to Sanctuary and show him there was more to the Commonwealth than a diseased wasteland and the views the Institute had tried so hard to etch into him. Of course, nothing was ever simple for Sole.
They fumbled their way back to the present from the depths of their thoughts, pushing away the fear of what would come the next day, and took a deep breath. They felt eyes on them, piercing their skin. Sole turned their head to meet X6’s gaze and raised an eyebrow in question; he never stared without reason.
Abruptly, X6 stood and twitched a finger to gesture behind him, his movements borderline unnoticeable. The pair were always aware of the Institute's eyes, their cameras scattered throughout the compound like vermin. Sole sighed. They pulled their legs out from between the railings and stood, stretching their arms and back as they did, and followed X6 as he turned sharply and made his way across the walkway.
He led them silently to a broom closet nearby and stepped in. Normally, they would be a lot more subtle, however it seemed like tomorrow was looming so ominously. What would the Institute do? Punish them? Sole scoffed internally at the thought. They followed him in and shut the door behind them, looking at X6 in the dim lighting with a questioning look. “I don’t like it.” He stated.
They watched him drop the facade. He fidgeted with his hands, eyes narrowed in concern and discomfort. “What part, Six?” Their tone very quickly shifted from the hardass Institute recruit to something soft and reassuring.
“All of it. I don’t… we shouldn’t go through with this. It’s too risky, Sole.”
This wasn’t what they were expecting. Sure, it took a lot, time and quality conversation, to convince X6-88 that they could sneak out of the Institute, destroying it behind them. Getting him to leave everything he had ever known wasn’t easy, but they’d watched as he slowly came to the realization that once he made friends his mannerisms were reflecting those of self-aware synths all too well. That was the final push to get him to agree; his own brain changing as he and Sole got closer. Having second thoughts wasn’t something they’d expected when he had been determined to get out. “It is risky, Six, but staying here is even riskier.”
“How?”
“We’ve been over this. What if they figure out that you’re not as indoctrinated as they’d like? What happens then? They get into your brain and they reset it, or worse. Things will only go south if we stay here, Six. Leaving might be terrifying, but it’s the only reasonable long term plan.” They were whisper-shouting in alarm, scared he would back out and change his mind.
X6 mulled this over, bringing his hands to his face as if he were going to chew his nails in thought. After a moment, he firmly brought them back down to his sides; someone would notice, and Institute synths didn’t bite their nails. He shook his head and clenched his jaw. “If they find out, if it doesn’t work, they’ll hurt you. There will be consequences.”
“They’ll find out eventually, it’s inevitable! Do you really think we can keep sneaking around? That you can keep pretending to be their stone-cold soldier? Six, you deserve better!”
Sole gripped his arms in urgency, looking at him with desperation, exhausted from repeating a conversation they’d had so many times before. He paused and searched their expression for something. “Do I?”
The world stopped spinning. What had he just said? In all of their talks, he’d never said something like that. Sole opened their mouth at a loss of words and stared at him in disbelief. He looked so defeated, downcast and desperate for them to understand, and yet they couldn’t, they had no idea where that had come from.  “What?”
X6 remained quiet and looked away. He seemed resigned and tired. Sole stepped further into his space to get his attention. “Six, what did you say?” Their voice was shaking and they hated it.
“What if I don’t need more? Don’t deserve it? I never expected something like this, I never asked for more. I already have more than most synths ever get here, I don’t want to lose it because we got greedy.” 
They pressed their fingertips to their brow, their jaw clenched. He wasn’t wrong, per say, but the fact that this was more than he expected struck them right in their heart. It was dismal in Sole’s eyes, something they wouldn’t wish on anyone, to be under the Institute’s control, to follow their every command, and hope they never caught you being emotional. How would he know that, though? After a moment of thought, they reached up and brushed a hand over his jaw before cradling it and smiling sadly. “I know, Six. But you won’t lose me, and there’s so much more out there for us. And you have more people fighting for you than you know. We have some of the best ass-kickers in the Commonwealth more than happy to get you out, get us out, and help us finish this.”
X6-88 leaned into their palm, closed his eyes and memorized the way their callouses brushed the skin on his cheek. He’d learned long ago from the phrase Sole repeated under their breath consistently, “Nothing is ever ideal.” It’d taken him a while to understand what they truly meant. 
There was dread kicking at his ribcage, or maybe it was his racing heart, screaming out at the risk they were about to take. Sure, it would be nice. To not have to answer to anyone except his responsibilities in Sanctuary, which Sole had explained to him several times. Hearing them describe a life with them let him dream when he didn’t ever think he would have more than what he did. He wasn’t ungrateful. Far from it. But he never thought they meant it until they first communicated that the Railroad and the Minutemen were ready to take on the Institute.
Maybe he was a coward now for not wanting to go through with the fight. He knew he was the best of the best, the most well-built fighter of the Institute, which is why he’d been assigned to travel with Sole. No, it wasn’t the fight that scared him, it was what could happen to Sole. 
Until recently, he had no idea what it was to take something for granted, and he’d only realized when it was too late, of course. He’d realized just a few days before the plans were confirmed. Sure, it wasn’t ideal to Sole, but he’d had more than he’d ever asked for, more than he’d ever dreamed possible just knowing them in the Institute. Loving them, despite it all. Despite everything the Institute had tried to prevent it from ever happening.
So, internally, he was screaming. Begging for one more day, one more time to think that tomorrow would be the same; not ideal, but content with the outcome of being able to know them and know they were safe. Just one more tomorrow, not terrified for their life.
As they smiled at him, palm pressed to his cheek, warm and real and so very easy to lose at a moment’s notice, he began to cry. Sole’s smile crumbled, their expression turning to one of heartbreak as they pulled their sleeves over their palms and brushed the tears away from under his eyes. “Oh, love.” They pressed out a sad smile and brought him into a tight hug, a hand on the back of his head.
He leaned into them like muscle memory and rested his head on their shoulder, closing his eyes to shut out the rest of the world. He wasn’t sure when he started shaking, but his hands refused to remain steady as he reached up and placed them on their back, gripping at their shirt, terrified they’d melt away if he didn’t hold onto them. “I’ve got you, love.” Their breath brushed against his ear, reassuring him they were still there.
X6-88 took in a deep breath, trying to memorize the feeling of their form holding him up, as they always seemed to. Without fail they always caught his weight and held him when he needed support. Something so precious made it so hard to let go of them every time, and they gave him every second he needed, always refusing to let go of him first, no matter what.
He pulled away and stood for a moment, eyes still closed, as he tried to re-orinentate himself to the looming threat of tomorrow. Their hand returned to his cheek and he almost shattered; so unquestionably reliable, they returned to his side without hesitating as if it were instinct to them. Six opened his eyes and looked at them as steadily as he could. One deep breath. Then two. He suppressed the tears and looked at them with confidence he seemed to have borrowed from them and nodded. He was ready.
Tomorrow was inevitable, and they would have far more than just one.
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trilliastra · 4 years
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[when canon lets you down, you write your own ending. a my roommate is a detective fix-it of sorts]
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Salim hands him the letter a month after Lu Yao and Bai Youning leave for Paris.
“Qiao Chusheng, please. I do not know what to do! Lu Yao disappeared! Oh, I am afraid he will get hurt! Please, come quick!” It says in Youning’s neat handwriting. Qiao Chusheng is on his feet before Salim could leave the room, taking the letter with him as he storms out of his office. He only remembers to question how the letter arrived so quickly once his ticket to Paris has been bought.
He doesn’t get much sleep once he’s in the ship, nightmares with Lu Yao being tortured appear every time he closes his eyes. He left clear instructions to his men to question – or torture, whatever works – every British man in Shanghai and Master Bai promised, angrily, to look into it as well, he would have the head of anyone who made his daughter cry, thanking Qiao Chusheng profusely for deciding to take matters into his own hands “You’re a good man, Chusheng.” He had said.
There’s nothing good about him, Qiao Chusheng sighs, running his hands through his hair after yet another failed attempt to fall asleep. He’s selfish and ungrateful. His boss has been nothing but a great father figure to him, and Bai Youning a kind – and sometimes annoying – little sister, and yet he can’t help but want to take their happiness away. He should be going to Paris to pay a debt, help a friend, but in reality, he’s going to save the man he loves.
Some nights he dreams about stopping Lu Yao’s wedding, other nights, he’s the one on that ship with him not Bai Youning. After, he always wakes up in a cold sweat with tears streaming down his face.
It was painful to see his two closest friends getting married and smiling at each other happily, planning a life together while his own plans for the future are to try not to die. He’s been alone for as long as he can remember, and though Master Bai saved his life, he couldn’t give Qiao Chusheng the love he so desperately wanted. And once Chusheng became a weapon to protect his boss, he knew no one would get close enough to see him, let alone love one of the most dangerous man in Shanghai.
Qiao Chusheng had resigned himself to a life without love. And then Lu Yao came in. The man was never afraid to speak up and prove him wrong, and despite Qiao Chusheng’s reputation, Lu Yao never cowered in fear but instead, let himself get closer, become his ally and in the end, his friend.
It was impossible, Qiao Chusheng admits, not to fall in love with a man as free as the wind.
“Lao Qiao!” Bai Youning cries out, waving her hand at him. The people around them are staring, but he doesn’t care. He’s never been to another country before, but he doesn’t have time to think about the scenery, not when Lu Yao is in danger.
“What happened?” He immediately asks, holding her arms. She doesn’t look hurt, or upset for that matter. Qiao Chusheng narrows his eyes when she smirks at him. “What did you do?”
She smiles cheerfully, practically jumping in excitement. “I wrote a story!”
“Let me go,” he tries to shake her arm off, but Bai Youning only holds him tighter, “I have a job! I can’t travel to another country just to appease your childish needs!” He has never felt anger quite like this, especially not directed to someone he cherishes, but he just never expected her to play this kind of wicked trick.
“You are not listening!” She protests, “Lu Yao needs you!” Qiao Chusheng growls, pushing her away angrily. Bai Youning falls, letting out a surprised yelp and looking up at him with wide eyes. People around them stop immediately, shocked, and Qiao Chusheng himself blinks, astonished at his own action.
A woman helps Youning up, glaring and muttering angry words that he cannot understand, trying to pull her away from him, but Youning only shakes them off with kind words spoken in broken french.
“I am sorry.” He says, immediately, once the people around them start to leave, not without a last judging look. “I shouldn’t have –” he is about to kneel in front of her and apologize when Bai Youning raises her hand.
“Lao Qiao,” she interrupts, “just follow me.” She says, turning around. This time Qiao Chusheng follows silently.
They get a taxi to the hotel Lu Yao and Bai Youning have been staying. Qiao Chusheng keeps his head down the entire time, berating himself silently for letting his feelings get the best of him. She is the daughter of his master, in the end she owns him just as much as her father.
“You know how he is.” She says once they are at the hotel, climbing the stairs to her and Lu Yao’s room. He tries not to think about what they have been doing all this time, alone, but he looks up curiously when Youning stops in front of a closed door and turns to him. “He just wants to be free to do as he pleases, without his father telling him what to do or the watchful eyes of the Brits or even my father. And I –” she smiles sadly, “maybe I wanted the same.” He nods in understanding.
In Shaghai she will always be Bai Qili’s daughter, married or not.
“Then why bring me –”
“Lu Yao is a genius,” she cuts in again, rolling her eyes. “but he is also very very stupid. It is frustrating, really. Can you believe he thought you did not love him?” She huffs, ignoring the way Qiao Chusheng’s mouth opens in surprise. “Men, honestly.” Bai Youning pulls a key out of her purse and turns to the door.
Qiao Chusheng feels like he is in a dream where everything looks and feels confusing and time does not exist. Has it been that long since he stepped out of the boat? Or was it only two minutes ago? Is Bai Youning real or is his mind making it up and he will wake up from one of his naps to Salim bringing him coffee?
“Lu Yao!” Bai Youning yells, pushing Qiao Chusheng inside the room forcefully. “I got a present for you!”
“I don’t want another watch.” Lu Yao whines. He is lying on the couch, eyes closed, a bottle of wine in his hand. “I just want my Lao Qiao with me.” He sniffles, taking a gulp of wine. “It’s afternoon in Shanghai right now,” he keeps talking, unaware of Qiao Chusheng watching him from the door, “he must be training. Shirtless.” He sighs. “Sweating.”
Qiao Chusheng blinks, turns to look at Bai Youning, confused. She gestures at Lu Yao like saying ‘I told you’.
“Youning?” Lu Yao calls, sitting up. His hair is ruffled and the top button of his shirt is open, Qiao Chusheng doesn’t understand how someone can be so cute and so tempting at the same time. “Where is the –” he coughs, eyes wide as he notices Qiao Chusheng for the first time, “Lao Qiao.” his voice is barely a whisper and Qiao Chusheng can’t help but smile. He missed Lu Yao so much. A month is a long time, especially once he got so used to having him around, sharing meals and discussing cases. More than once, after Lu Yao and Bai Youning left, he caught himself walking to their old apartment in the morning, turning around to ask him about his opinion on the scene of the murder, only to realize Lu Yao was not there.
It was incredibly painful.
“Lao Qiao.” Lu Yao repeats, standing up. He staggers and Qiao Chusheng moves on instinct, ready to catch him if he falls, but Lu Yao manages to keep himself upright as his eyes move from Qiao Chusheng to Bai Youning. “What is happening? Something happened with your father? No,” he immediately says, “you look far too happy for it to be something bad.” He narrows his eyes at Bai Youning. “What did you do? You are my wife, you are supposed to take care of me and not –” he gestures towards Qiao Chusheng awkwardly, avoiding his eyes. The reminder of their wedding is enough to wipe the smile off of Qiao Chusheng’s face.
Bai Youning’s expression softens and her smile is sad as she says, “our parents are not here, you don’t need to pretend.”
“But –” Lu Yao looks at Qiao Chusheng, then immediately turns to her again, “he –” he mumbles.
“It was a long trip,” Qiao Chusheng crosses his arms over his chest, annoyed. This is getting too far. “I’d like an explanation. Now.” This is too cruel to be a prank, Bai Youning may be childish but she isn’t mean. Even though Lu Yao has no idea of Qiao Chusheng’s feelings, the look on Bai Youning says she has.
“I do not love him.” She finally says. And that – oh, that is worse than a prank, that is – it is cruel. Because Bai Youning knows him, he’s noticed the confused looks on her face, the understanding when he refused to leave the hospital when Lu Yao was shot, the pity on her wedding day. And he forgave her for marrying him anyway, he forgave her because he thought she loved him, because why should he deny her happiness when he will never get his. But this – oh, he never thought she would do something like this. “He does not love me.”
“Youning!” “You –” Lu Yao and Qiao Chusheng yell at the same time.
“We wanted to be free!” She keeps going, ignoring them both. “And I did not know.” She turns to him, rests her hands on his shoulder. “I swear I did not know. It was not my intention.” A stray tear falls from her eye and Qiao Chusheng feels all the anger leave him. “He loves you too. It is annoying how much he loves you.” Lu Yao shrieks, runs to put a hand over her mouth. Bai Youning only elbows his stomach and keeps talking, ignoring Lu Yao’s cries. “He talks about you when he is sober and he cries when he is drunk.”
“Bai Youning!” Lu Yao keeps trying to pull her back and Qiao Chusheng has never felt so many conflicting emotions in his life.
“But, you are married –” he finally says, “I saw it. We all did. Your father –”
“And no one knows.” She says. “Not here.” She holds another key for him to see. “We are sleeping in different rooms, I am his little sister. And nothing more.”
“Stop, please stop.” Lu Yao begs, collapsing on the floor. “He – Bai Youning, you know why I –”
“But he loves you!” She insists, pointing at Qiao Chusheng. “I know he does!”
“I do.” Qiao Chusheng finds his words again, eyes on Lu Yao. “I do love you. You are – ridiculous and clever and so – fascinating, I – of course I love you. The moment I met you – I had no choice but to love you.”
He watches Lu Yao shake his head as he starts to cry. He holds up his hand and Qiao Chusheng takes it. “I know you do.”
Bai Youning makes a noise of surprise and Qiao Chusheng tries to pull his hand back but Lu Yao tightens his hold, still kneeling in front of him. “I know you do.” He repeats, tears falling non-stop. “The way you touched me and looked at me and the way you talked.” Lu Yao smiles sadly. Qiao Chusheng never thought his heart could hurt so much.
“I cannot believe you –” Bai Youning screams, throwing her purse at Lu Yao, who barely moves, hand still holding Qiao Chusheng’s.
“I love you, so much.” Lu Yao confesses. “I have loved you from the moment you refused to say no to Bai Youning,” he sniffles, “a man so fierce but so sweet, a man capable of hurting to protect those he loves. So loyal.” He presses a kiss to Qiao Chusheng’s hand. “So brave.”
“Why?” Qiao Chusheng whispers, feeling his own eyes water. “You never said –”
“I love you.” Lu Yao repeats, fiercer this time. “But I will not go back, I can’t. And I won’t force you to leave everything you have behind. I love you too much for that.”
It all makes sense then. Lu Yao is a free spirit and he will never be free in Shanghai. He might go back for Qiao Chusheng but he will never be truly happy. There are too many variables, too much at stake.
He looks into Lu Yao’s eyes and sees it – the love, the one thing he had given up on. “I do not have much.” He finds himself saying. And he realizes it is true. A few shirts, some pants, another boot? Not even his house is his own. “I do not need much.” He adds, kneeling too. “Just you.” Lu Yao’s face brightens and Qiao Chusheng touches his cheek, feeling happy and seen and loved for the first time in his life.
Bai Qili gets a letter two months after Qiao Chusheng left for Paris, almost five months since his only daughter got married.
“Qiao Chusheng tried his best, but oh, those evil, evil, men. In the end, he could not save him, father, but he gave his life trying and I shall remember him for eternity. And Lu Yao, I can still see his smile, feel his hand on mine, I wish to come back but I am afraid I will only miss him more. And oh, his family, I cannot face them. Please father, I hope you understand. One day I shall come back to visit, but I am afraid Shanghai without my beloved Lu Yao and my friend Qiao Chusheng is not the same. It is not home.”
Oh, his poor child. Bai Qili thinks. She must be feeling lost in Paris, without a husband or her family. He will bring her back, she must stay with him, it will hurt for a while but she will get better, he knows because he will be there for her. Always.
Bai Youning is sitting outside the adorable bakery near her hotel. She puts the pen down and takes a sip of her coffee, thinking about what to write her father about Berlin. She’s never been there, obviously, but neither did he, so he won’t know the difference. When he send his men to search for her she won’t be there, but it is for the best.
She smiles as Lu Yao and Qiao Chusheng discuss what flavor of cake they are going to try today. To the outsider they look like ordinary friends having a heated conversation about chocolate and strawberry, but Bai Youning knows better, watching Lu Yao touch Qiao Chusheng’s hand softly while the latter smiles in adoration.
It all worked out in the end, she sighs, perfectly content.
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