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#and if someone has insulted your eyebrows in the past?
darklightescape · 2 years
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sometimes i will see weird beauty procedures i have never heard of in my life posted on like. snapchat or something as "satisfying videos" and let me tell you i am not satisfied watching them i am horrified. i see people microblading and and threading and waxing and lasering and tattooing on their eyeliner and their lipstick and plucking and coolsculpting and obsessively carving away everything this fucking capitalist hollywood poisoned american hellscape deems a flaw until they're left with a plastic sameness that still demands painstaking makeup contouring and perfect lighting and whatever clothing and hairstyle is on trend right now and filters and filters and filters just to be considered fucking PRESENTABLE and i want to shake their shoulders and beg "who told you that you needed this. what influencer on your feed is singing the praises of this, and who is sponsoring them. where can i find them. what kind of car do they drive. i'm going to slash their fucking tires."
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irisintheafterglow · 8 months
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[bernie sanders voice] i am once again.. thinking about coparenting megumi with boyfriend!satoru.
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"so you're both megumi's..."
"guardians," you smile politely, praying stupid shit doesn't leave the mouth of the boy next to you. it's wishful thinking.
"yes," he beams so tenderly that you resist the urge to scrunch your nose in disgust. he takes your clammy hand lightly in his and turns back to megumi's teacher. "we had him young." a soft ow comes from under satoru's breath as you kick him under the table, forcing an expression of normalcy onto your face.
you hated parent-teacher conferences because it reminded you just how abnormal megumi and tsumiki's situation was. they had no parents, nor did they have any close relatives that cared for them the way a family should. that left you and the white-haired idiot in the tiny seat next to you to fill in that duty, and between missions and training students, you weren't around as often as you wanted to be.
"i...see," the teacher says hesitantly, eyeing your boyfriend with obvious unease. after a moment, she regains her composure and refocuses on you completely. "is there anything you wish to discuss before we begin?"
"not for me, no."
"when can we get him bumped up a grade? or have him skip one altogether?" every single word that comes from satoru's mouth is a joke but it still has your face burning with embarrassment that you were associated with him. "you know, i skipped a few grades when i was young."
"i can tell," you whisper and he pinches the flesh of your thigh between two fingers in defiance.
"i believe that skipping grades would be unwise at this time, as we haven't done any testing yet-"
"he was kidding, i swear," you say apologetically and, thankfully, the teacher continues as if on a script.
"i see. well, megumi is progressing wonderfully in the class. he's very adept at reading and writing, but he does struggle with math sometimes. it's nothing to be worried about; many children struggle with math at his age." you nod in understanding but grimace inwardly. megs always wanted you to help him with math homework since satoru became frustrated with the problems faster than the actual 2nd grader.
"for being the strongest, he's not that smart," megumi stated bluntly one night while you helped him on a coffee table in the teacher's lounge. you'd sent satoru on a walk around campus after his distress was clearly bothering megumi, who ended up suffering more from satoru's "help" than benefiting. "you're not around that much anymore to help me so i don't know what to do." his tiny eyebrows furrow and you reach out to run your fingers through his spiky black hair.
"i'm really sorry i'm not around as much anymore. do you want me to ask nanami? he handles math all the time."
"i think that'd be worse than satoru."
"you can't get much worse than satoru, buddy," you concede and his mouth turns up a little bit. nothing like a little insulting his mentor to get the boy's mood improved. still, his frown returns like it's his default expression.
"what if i can't do it? what if i'm not like everyone else?" it made your chest ache in a different way when megumi or his sister said something like that, like they were well aware that they weren't normal children. your heart panged for them and mourned their loss of a "normal" childhood just because they were born into a big three clan. it wasn't fair and it was something you lamented to satoru almost every week. you couldn't tell the boy any of that, though, no matter how much you wanted to explain why he wasn't like the rest of the kids in his class.
"just try your best, okay? sometimes, that's all we can do. you're already doing great by asking for help. it's not your fault if someone doesn't know how to help you, so just keep trying." he nodded determinedly; after another hour past dinnertime, you finally finished walking him through the rest of the problems while satoru draped his lanky body over the couch behind you, watching defeatedly over your shoulder.
"is there anything we can do to help him with math?" you ask, unconsciously weaving your fingers with satoru's and giving it a light squeeze. he squeezes back three times. i-love-you.
"he just needs a little reassurance that he's on the right track sometimes."
"mmm, don't we all," you murmur and you don't expect the teacher to laugh softly under her breath, muttering her agreement. before you know it, you've organized megumi's papers into his folder and picked him up from the playground outside his classroom, taking his hand as you walk back to the car.
"your teacher says you're doing well in class."
"really?"
"mhmm, though i didn't need her to tell me that since i already know." you shoot him a small smile, leaning into satoru's body as his arm wraps around your torso. "you, however, need to learn some manners," you lightheartedly tease, knocking your elbow against his abs. "you were not helping in there, you menace."
"it was boring, what do you want me to do?" his tone is so carefree, so comfortingly satoru it made your heart melt.
"it's a parent-teacher conference, not parents. you could have waited outside if you were so bored. went to play on the playground or something." his head dips close to your ear and you feel some strands of his hair brush against your skin.
"but then i don't get to watch you be all mature and put-together."
"trying to follow my example?"
"trying to break your composure," he corrects with a sly grin. "i'm the fun one, after all."
"that's one way to put it," megumi deadpans without hesitation and you stifle a snort.
"i'm one of a kind!"
"you're out of your mind, is what you are." before he can protest, you press a kiss to his cheek and he turns a slightly opaquer shade of pink. "but i wouldn't have you any other way."
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cosmosis · 11 months
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MOVED TO @seratopia
miguel o’hara x reader (fluff) - surprise visit modern au!
an unfamiliar secretary won’t let you into the building to visit your husband, Miguel, at his office
Visiting your husband at work may as well be the best way for you to spend your day off. He’s been working hard, his passion truly bursting at the seams when he talks to you about the latest improvement project he’s been working on for the past three weeks. 
You’re walking down the sidewalk in an outfit you knew would make Miguel go crazy, holding a nice bouquet of flowers in your arm. You decided men don’t get flowers enough, so you’re here to fill in that gap. He really deserves more than flowers anyway. 
With the badge embedded into your watch, you scan your wrist against the access monitor on the wall. The doors automatically open, and you feel a nice gust of air conditioning run into you. 
The office is very modern, clean, and sleek. All around you are advanced units of technology; a result of your husband’s successes. It smells the same it always has; clean, crisp, and slightly minty. As you walk through the doors, you’re greeted with the exact same things you always are; same lounge chairs, same grand elevator... 
Though, you don’t recognize the secretary at the desk. 
She’s blonde, red lipstick smeared onto her tight lips in an unwelcoming frown. A matching pearl set adorned over her crisp, dark blue blazer. 
Usually, you’d say hi to the secretary you knew, Lyla. You assume she got fired, which was a real shame, you love her sass. She was always so kind to you, saying hi with a smile, or offering to help guide you through the office and such. 
But instead, you walk right past the desk, digging through your memories to find how you managed to find Miguel’s main office last time. 
“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?“
Her voice is just as snarky as you had imagined. 
“Visiting Miguel?“ You pause, your patience already growing extremely thin for the new secretary. You’d probably chat about this to Miguel later, maybe bat an eyelash or two to convince him about hiring someone different. 
“Nuh uh! Miguel O’Hara is busy right now, not open for any visitors at the moment.“ She replies, fixating her eyes on the large monitor in front of her. 
You pause for a moment, critically thinking things through for a moment. 
“Oh! I get it. M’am, you haven’t met me before, have you?“ You ask, trying your best to not crinkle the flowers in your hands. She raises a single eyebrow, glaring as if you insulted her mother. (Which, you might as well should do.)
“I’m Miguel’s spouse. He lets me visit him whenever, I even have my badge right here-“
She holds up a single manicured finger. 
“Nice try, but my charts right here say that Miguel is busy at the moment. Try another time, maybe send him a fan letter or something.“
Your blood starts to boil as the new secretary has a satisfied smirk on her face. 
Instead of choosing violence and risking your hair getting ruined, you opt for the better option. Glaring at the desk manager directly in the eye, you pull out your cellphone from your pocket, manually pressing the contact button for Miguel. You wait for the phone to dial, pressing the cellular to your ear whilst examining your own nails. 
And finally, he answers. 
“Hm? You need something, honey?“
“Miguel.“
Miguel on the other line, freezes to a halt. Now, he knows he’s in trouble. Carefully, he clears his throat. 
“What is it, sweetie?“
You take a deep breath. “Your... secretary isn’t letting me into the office. Will you fix that, please?”
Miguel pinches between his eyebrows, groaning. 
“Of course, hun. I’ll be down in a sec.“
“Thank you, Miguel.“
The call ends, but the secretary still stares at you like you’ve thrown up all over her salad. She almost looks like she’s going to laugh, which makes you even madder. 
Within literally a few seconds, the elevator whirs to a halt, the top light switching on with a chime. As expected, your husband walks through the sliding doors, clad in a crisp white dress shirt and office pants. He’s so undeniably gorgeous, you almost consider forgiving the secretary. 
But, you don’t. 
“Ah, Miguel, this p-“
“Shut your mouth for moment, would you?“
The woman is taken aback, red bursting onto her cheeks as her fake smile melts into a frown. Her mouth is left agape, watching as Miguel saunters over to you with a smile. 
“What happened?“ Miguel asks, his Office Face™ dissolving into a genuine smile. He slots his hands to your waist, silently peering at the flowers in your arms. 
“Well, I was going to come surprise you... but then she said that you were busy.” You reply, pouting. 
“Aww, baby, it’s okay.“ He smooches the top of your head. “The flowers are pretty. I’ll handle this.“
Miguel then swerves around, this time with his Office Face™ on. He keeps his hand glued to your side, each step of his getting louder and louder as he makes his way towards the desk. 
“Tiffany.“
Tiffany, in question, shudders, keeping her eyes glued to the floor while a shit-eating smirk finds its’ way onto your face. No remorse whatsoever. 
“From now, until tonight, please let my partner into the building whenever they like.“
“Yes, sir. Why until tonight?“ 
“Because I’m firing you from any future stand-in’s, or any sort of work in here for the matter.“
Miguel: 1 Tiffany: 0
Tiffany looks like she has so much she wants to say, so much that she could scream at this very moment... but instead, she stays silent. You can see a vein practically ready to burst at her temple, her jaw grinding her teeth in her mouth. 
“I will dismiss you at the end of the day, Tiffany. I expect you to cause no more trouble until then.“
Tiffany is left utterly speechless, her jaw left slightly agape. Miguel ushers you by your back towards the elevator, poking and prodding his finger at the flowers in your grasp. 
Automatically, the elevator doors smoothly slide open, and you both step inside. You stare at the glass view outside, watching as the two of you get higher and higher above the city.
“I even had my badge, and she didn’t let me.“ You frown, indulgently leaning into Miguel’s chest. 
“I’m sorry, hun. Lyla’s out sick for a bit, so she was the only substitute I could find for today.“
Apologetically, he rubs your back, secretly praying that you’d forget about the whole ordeal so you’d pay attention to him instead. 
“S’okay. Thank god Lyla wasn’t fired.“ You mumble, breathing a sigh of relief. 
“She’s annoying, but she does her job well.“ Miguel remarks, and you gasp, personally offended on behalf of your beloved Lyla. 
“No she’s not! She’s super nice, actually.“
“Whatever.” Miguel scoffs. “Kiss me.”
“No. You called Lyla annoying.” 
these oneshots have really skyrocketed my account! thank you guys so much for the positive feedback, i love loveee reading all the comments i get! please stay tuned for more!
- cosmosis <333
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© 𝒄𝒐𝒔𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒔.
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x1yun4 · 3 months
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10 Facts About Your Future Spouse.
Please like or reblog if this resonated.
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Disclaimer.
Readings are to help you gain clarity and insight on your current situation and what you can do for your own benefit. Take what resonates and leave what doesn't. This blog has been re-edited several times.
Masterpost | Feel free to make a request | Intuition.
Pile 01.
01 — Physical touch, and acts of service are their top love languages. So, there's absolutely no doubt that this person is quite considerate in different ways, as well as physically affectionate.
02 — Furthermore, they like being helpful. They find peace in helping those around them in whatever ways they can, willingly. It's their second nature, but they aren't someone that can be taken advantage of! For most of the people within this pile, this person has a backbone.
03 — They love holding hands, cuddling, or even light touches. Whatever you're comfortable with! Although their love language is physical touch, they won't push it if you're uncomfortable with it. Even holding hands occasionally instead of often is fine, as long as they know you love them by showing it in your own way!
04 — Drinks coffee often, and likes macchiato specifically.
05 — They have a large family or a lot of people they consider family, blood-related or not. But, they spend time with their grandparents often or the elderly.
06 — Smokes, but is trying to quit. Started, but realized it wasn’t something they wanted to keep constant in their life after some time passed.
07 — Parties with friends here and there, but doesn't mind stopping whenever they're in a relationship. They understand that it's not something everyone is uncomfortable with! Of course, they'll still hang out with friends, but won't head to large parties with people you're uncomfortable with, etc. Whatever it is, they or you will likely bring it up so you guys can communicate about it.
08 — Extremely loyal to those they consider family! Doesn't matter if they are blood-related or not.
09 — Would do absolutely anything for their partner.
10 — Most likely a soulmate.
Pile 02.
01 — This person has had a rough childhood, with some problems that have followed them since. But, they are working on improving their internal state.
02 — Kind-hearted by nature, but happens to be a little bit selfish sometimes. It's not to the point where they seem egoistical, but rather as a way they can still manage to protect themself.
03 — Hard shell, soft nature. In other words, they might seem intimidating at first glance, but is actually a sweetheart once you get to know them.
04 — Polite, respectful towards everyone. They don't see the point of treating strangers they don't know the story of with disrespect or rude remarks, it's a waste of time. The only times when they throw out insults and whatnot are when a loved one is hurt. They don't typically react if something negative happens to them though, a result from how they were brought up or the experiences they went through.
05 — Doesn't bear grudges, but can set down boundaries when absolutely necessary. Doesn't hesitate cutting unhealthy and toxic people out of their life, especially after certain encounters in their past.
06 — They like cooking, and/or baking especially. It's something they find relaxing, and they get quite happy when seeing someone enjoy what they made.
07 — They find peace in reading books, so libraries or cafés are often a safe space for them to be. And, you might meet your future spouse in this space by accident.
08 — Has some ear piercings, and might have one small tattoo or an eyebrow piercing for some people within this pile.
09 — Communicative, wants to work through issues and find a solution together when there's a problem instead of being angry at each other.
10 — Considerate or in other words a gentleman, but I'm not specifying gender. They're willing to do a lot for you willingly without complaints. If they complain, it's most likely a lighthearted joke that they know you'd he okay with.
Pile 03.
01 — They come from a wealthy background, either through hard work or generational wealth. Will agree to provide or have a 50/50 relationship, depending on what the two of you communicative. As long as it works out and happens to be the best for your relationship with each other, they won't mind. Both parties will contribute in their own ways! Even the most mundane contribution like giving a kiss on the cheek as a goodbye will be appreciated.
02 — Extremely communicative, and willing to talk about anything for the sake of your relationship with each other!
03 — Cares a lot about animals, most likely wanting to own a pet in the future.
04 — Older, but for some people in this pile — the person will be one year younger.
05— They have a sister who they have a close and healthy relationship with.
06 — Has a stable attachment style, but doesn't mind if their partner doesn't. They are willing to work it out with them, and help in whatever ways they can without engaging in unhealthy patterns.
07 — Has a good relationship with their parents, and treats the elderly with respect unless said elderly messes with their loved ones or treats them harshly just because they are older.
08 — Protective, can be a little bit jealous, but won't do anything that crosses your boundaries.
09 — Understanding, and empathic.
10 — A very intelligent person!
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marvelslittlewhore · 22 days
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✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿🎀✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯
You were boiling with jealousy. You just wanted to have fun drinking and smoking with your friends and boyfriend and everything had been fine until you got a glance of some kook bitch flirting with JJ, batting her lashes at him stupidly and you already had your fist clenching by your side. Your grip tightening on the red solo cup, chugging down the rest.
Kie, Sarah, and Cleo followed your gaze and all knew it won't take long until you snap. You trusted JJ, it's just that you can't stand the fact that many girls or past flings on the island still tried making their shot even though they knew he's not on the market anymore.
You could see the annoyance on JJ's face but he was still being nice about it, which you cherish him for but also wished he would just walk away from her and leave her there dumbfounded.
You were really trying to keep your cool but then she had the audacity to touch his arm. That was it. Throwing the cup on the ground and ignoring Kie's scolding you marched over to where the boys were standing.
Pushing the girl's hand off JJ not so gently you stood between the two, your arms crossed over your chest while JJ wrapped his arm around your waist.
"Stay the fuck away from my man and go look for some kook dick instead of using pogues just so you can feel some type of power." You glared at her.
"Oh really? And that's coming from someone whose mom had practically slept with the whole island. I don't doubt you're any better-" Your fist made contact with her face before she could finish her insult, and you watched her fall onto the sand.
The boys shouted in surprise and you didn't let it end there, getting on top of her and grabbing her by her shirt with one hand.
"You ever take my family in your mouth again imma make sure you won't leave the hospital for a while, got that?" You whispered to her before feeling JJ wrap his arms around your middle to hoist you up and off her.
"Easy now, mama. Think she heard you loud and clear. C'mon, let's go." JJ carried you away while you kept cussing at the girl, making sure that the others on the bonfire see what happens when they mess with you.
After your little altercation, everyone decided it was better to call it a night and make your way back to the Chateau.
JJ went to hold your hand but quickly let go when you hissed in pain, instead he grabbed your wrist holding it up to look at your bruised knuckles. He smirked, kissing each of your knuckles gently.
"All that trouble for me, huh?" He teased and you rolled your eyes but smiled at him.
"Shut up. You would have done the same if any guy had approached me."
"True." He chuckled and when you tried to get out of his hold he stopped walking, pulling you against his chest. "I gotta admit, what you did there was pretty hot."
You smirked, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him into a heated kiss while his hands went to squeeze your ass. Your little make out session got interrupted by John B clapping his hands to get your guys attention.
"C'mon, you lovebirds. You can mingle later, there are people who have a busy day ahead."
"Oh and you are one of them?" You raised an eyebrow at the brunette.
"Yeah, someone has to take care of your hangover asses tomorrow and that's probably me as I'm the most sober one here." He flicked your forehead and you slapped his hand away laughing.
"Better be careful bro or you'll be her next victim." JJ warned with a smirk placing his arm over your shoulders, kissing the side of your head.
"I think I broke her nose-"
✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿🎀✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯
Requested by: @tracymbcm (I'm so sorry it took me so long to get to this 😭 hope you still like it the way it came out)
Taglist
For everything:
@lokigirlszendaya @buckymydarlingangel @superlegend216
For JJ Maybank:
@tracymbcm @spideysimpossiblegirl @chiaraanatra
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gentlyweeps-world · 5 months
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A Rivals Heart 1
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summary: A crush had turned into hatred, but with the work of Lando, Alex George and Charles, maybe it could be fixed back.
pairing: max verstappen x fem! driver reader
warnings: alcohol consumption, sexual tensions
next part
LIGHTS OUT AND AWAY WE GO
You couldn’t pinpoint exactly when your crush on the Dutchman had turned into hatred.
Maybe it was in karting when he had made fun of you for no reason, or maybe it was in the lower Formula ranks when he would do anything to get on your nerves and invoke a reaction out of you.
But all you knew now, is that you hated him, and he hated you. You would say it didn’t bother you, to be honest you went through worse with being a female driver, but for some reason he bothered you.
“I’m surprised you manage to keep your pace, usually you fuck up” Max said to you, that was the first thing he said to you at Bahrain, throughout the entire race weekend.
You roll your eyes at him, not really caring since you did get P2. “You did great Y/n!” Nando says as he clasps your shoulder, shaking you a bit. “Definitely a well deserved pole!” Nando adds on with a smile, moving past you to sit in his cooldown seat.
You feel your blood slowly boil as Max smiles. You have no idea why you feel so angry at him, he’s just another driver and yet all you want to is shove him down the grid.
“Thank you” you say to Fernando, he was definitely the most polite driver to you.
You sit in your chair, although it was really Fernando’s, no one ever got the cooldown seats right anymore, and drink some water, watching some highlights from the race on the tv in the room.
The highlights come on, you watch silently, no one is really speaking.
A bit of silence as you watch the drivers in their highlights, except for one. Max’s highlights come up and you notice the way he drives.
The way he pushes his car, the way he makes the most of the corners and overtakes and the way he goes full tilt on the straight.
You catch yourself staring at the highlights, analyzing how he drove.
“Taking notes L/n?” Max says, watching you analyze his driving style. “I’m just watching the highlights, no need to feel special princess..” You grumble out, rolling your eyes at him.
Fernando just sits there silently with a grin, watching the scene of you and Maxs bickering play out.
“I never thought I was special.” Max says in a snarky tone. “But whatever makes you feel good…princess” Max adds on with a grin, knowing that nickname will annoy you.
A faint blush raises to your cheeks at hearing him call you princess. You let out an annoyed huff and roll your eyes, “Just shut up..” You mumble out to him, crossing your arms over your chest as you watch Max sit down in his own chair next to you.
Max just laughs it off as he takes a quick sip from his drink. “Oh come on princess, don’t be so annoyed at the name. I think it suits you..”
Max then looks up to you, his eyes meet yours and he smirks, not moving his gaze. “Yeah and I think Christian Horner's bitch suits you..” You say coldly, narrowing your eyes at him.
Max’s lip curls as he raises an eyebrow at you. “That the only insult you have schatz?”
Max leans back in his seat with a cocky grin. You roll your eyes, opting to stay quiet and not feed into Max.
Before you know it you’re standing on the podium balcony, wishing you were deaf because you had to listen to the Dutch anthem play out for Max.
You watch as Max stands proudly, his hand on his heart during the Dutch national anthem. The smile he has irritates you, knowing the smug expression he has on his face.
You can feel your blood boil and your face turning red. You didn’t think it was possible to hate someone this much.
Once the anthem is over, the champagne spray starts. With a grin you pop the kork to your bottle and spray it all over Max and Nando, and down towards your team.
You lean your head back and stick out your tongue, spray some of the champagne into your mouth.
You look into the camera with a smirk, knowing people will eat that up, with a chuckle you turn towards Max and Fernando again, seeing Max look at you with an unreadable expression and blush on his face.
You notice Max’s blush as he looks at you, only for him to cover it by spraying champagne at you.
You grin as the camera focuses on you, knowing damn well they eat up your little feud with Max.
You lean away from Max to avoid getting more sprayed as your gaze meets his. Max smirks at you, his gaze not wavering from yours.
You let out a shriek as Fernando runs over and sprays the champagne over your head, completely drenching you in it.
The champagne rains over you as you shriek at Fernando, the crowd love this moment and laugh at you.
You look over at Max, seeing him grin at you, only for his gaze to meet yours, which makes his grin disappear.
He looks away quickly, a red hue now on his face. You give Max a weird look but let it go for now. With a chuckle you spray the last of your champagne on Fernando.
“I’m going to get you back for that!” You say to him with a smile, laughing and giggling. It feels as if nothing could bring you down right now, being up on that podium balcony, hearing the cheers of fans and your own team.
You knew it was only P2 but it was close enough to making history for you. Max watches as you have the time of your life on the podium, it slightly annoys him how much fun you’re having. “Oh god.” Max mumbles under his breath, not wanting to ruin the moment.
Fernando laughs along with you as he is now soaked in the champagne, you take a look around at the crowd, noticing a bunch of Dutch fans, their attention on you, the driver they dislike most.
You could hear them booing, saying jeers and chanting out insults to you, in return you flipped them off, raising up your P2 trophy.
This moment will be iconic and you’re enjoying every second of it. You make sure all they see is your middle finger raised as you stand on the podium in celebration, you didn’t want these fans to ruin your moment by any means.
The booing from the crowd is annoying but it does annoy Max even more, he didn’t want to admit that he liked your style even more after giving all those fans the finger.
“It does fit you.” Max mumbles under his breath, smirking at you. His gaze locked onto you, waiting for you to acknowledge him.
“What was that?” You ask Max over the mixed cheers from the grandstands.
“Nothing, it probably would’ve gotten on your nerves or something” Max says.
“How thoughtful of you, not wanting to annoy me” you say sarcastically, you know that is exactly what he wanted to do.
Soon podium celebrations are done. You make your way out of the paddock and the track, when you hear someone shouting your name.
“Y/n? Y/n!” Lando shouts out, followed by George and Alex. “Oh hey guys, what’s up?” You ask, stopping and looking to them.
“Do you want to go out? A few of us are going to a nearby club to celebrate..” Lando says, George and Alex nodding to what he said.
“Yeah you should definitely come, you’d get to see Carmen” George adds on, knowing if he tells you his girlfriend will be there, you would automatically go with.
Your eyes light up at the mention of Carmen. “I’d love to!” You say, knowing that you can’t let this opportunity get away from you.
“I’ll just have to stop by my hotel room and get changed” You say, turning away from them to start walking again.
“I’ll meet you guys there!” You add on, waving bye to them as you rush off to your car in the parking lot excited to go out.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
radio 🪩: So of course I started a new series after finishing one!! I’m excited to start this one up. I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately, so I won’t be posting as often, or really working as often.
taking requests: ❌
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normspellsman · 1 year
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A Lesson in Pinky Promises
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part one | part two (wip)
pairing: jake sully x daughter!reader
genre: angst to fluff & comfort (from jake to reader)
word count: 3.3k+
warning(s): mentions of reader being bullied for looks – reader has 5 fingers, kids being mean, physical + verbal harassment, reader being sad, reader feeling like she doesn’t fit in, jake calling reader babygirl (cuteness overload fr), mentions of self inflicted injuries, mentions of children hurting you, reader looks up to jake + feels unworthy of being the heir of the olo’eyktan title, jake being angry, cursing, both jake + reader crying, & reader having self-loathing thoughts / being mean to herself
request details: here!
taglist: @aonungsmate @optimisticblazetrash @dearstell @thatonegirlwiththebeanie367 @minkyungseokie @universal-s1ut @goodiesinthecloset21 @amortencjja @blushhpeachh @sweetirilly @liyahsocorro @arminsgfloll @iwannahaveaprettyaesthetic @bigdikzaddy @cheyehc @ihave500hubbiez
word bank: sempul — father, sempu — daddy (term of endearment), ‘evenge — girl, sa’nok — mother, eywa / great mother — goddess deity that the na’vi believe in, toruk — last shadow; large winged creature jake rode in the first film, syulang — flower, & ‘angtsìk — hammerhead titanothere
note: the reader is the eldest child of jake in this fic & is around 11-12 years old. set wayyy before the events of atwow. there will be a part 2 to this since someone requested something similar to this but w/ lo’ak & i couldn’t pass up the opportunity 🤭. be on the lookout for part 2 <3
You wished that you were more like your Father.
Your Father held this kind of confidence wherever he went. You guessed being Olo’eyktan would do that to you over time. He took every insult and objection to his rule with stride. You wanted to be like him one day, especially since you were the next in line for his position when he decided it was time for him to step down.
But it was hard. Really hard. The children around your age loved teasing you for your ten fingers and ten toes. They often pulled at your pinky and tried to pry it from your hand, giggling at how it looked and your reaction to it, hissing in pain as they basically almost dislocated the finger. They also reached out towards your hairy eyebrows, plucking at them to observe the strange hair further. Many had also called you demon or fake due to your mixed heritage. They loved making your life hell and took joy in hurting your feelings with their harsh words. Of course they never dared to do anything like that around your parents or siblings, deciding to do it whenever you were alone or training.
You felt insecure about your five fingers, often trying to hide it or make it look more like the other four fingered hands of your fellow acquaintances. You’ve injured yourself a couple of times trying to hide your pinky, bruising it or spraining it multiple times. You never meant to hurt yourself but it always happened whenever you did it. You just wished you looked more like the children your age than your Father.
You absolutely loved your Father and looked up to him so much. But it was hard looking like him when his past kind had caused so much pain and suffering to your Mothers people. It was a constant reminder that you had to work twice as hard as compared to your younger brother, Neteyam, to get the acceptance of The People. They always had their eyes on you, watching your every move, ready to criticize everything you did wrong. Nothing was ever good for them. Not good enough to live up to your Father, to be the next leader of your clan.
You never told your parents about how you felt or what the children your age did, dealing with it yourself. It wasn’t very good that you kept it to yourself but you felt like you had no choice. You didn’t want to worry your parents with what was happening, didn’t want to seem weak in front of them. You wanted to be strong like your Mother and Father, strong heart like those before you. Surely both of your parents experienced more traumatizing things throughout their lifetime than what you were going through. You could handle it yourself.
But, alas, you failed at having it handled.
Hours prior to where you were currently, crying as you cradled yourself with your knees to your chest, was probably one of the worst things you’ve experienced throughout your whole twelve years of life.
The regular group of bullies that teased and hurt you had taken it to the extreme, encircling you as they pushed you around and yelled insults at you, eventually grabbing at whatever body limb they could and punching it with as much strength they could muster. At the end, you were covered in bruises and bloody. You were pretty sure your right pinky was broken, it being stepped on by a kid you sure was named Keno.
You limped all the way to your secret hideout, delaying going home as much as you could. You had the plan of cleaning and patching yourself up with the limited supplies you had stashed away before going home late into the night. You were probably going to stay hidden for another hour or so, way past when you’re supposed to be home and were probably going to do that for the next couple of days before you healed completely. You didn’t need either of your parents to fret after your every move if they found out.
What you didn’t know was that your Father had seen you rush out into the thick foliage of the forest, calling out your name, which you didn’t hear. So, he followed you.
Jake had tried his best to stay quiet, expertly stepping over rogue twigs and sticks that were strewn across the forest floor. He kept his breathing steady as he urged forward, staying far enough behind you so that your enhanced senses couldn’t sense his presence but close enough to still see where you were going. He knew that he probably shouldn’t be following you, but his Father instincts were telling him to follow after you. There was something clawing at Jake that told him you were not okay.
Growing up, you told your Sempul everything. There was nothing that you kept from your Father and he felt his heart swell every time you ran up to him, bouncing with excitement as you hurriedly told him everything about your day or something new you just learned in training. He’d always scoop you up in his arms and tickle your belly before lending a listening ear to you, hanging on to every word you spoke. Jake missed the days where you would come to him and just talk. Recently, your visits had become few and far in between. Of course he acknowledged that you were growing older and needed to keep some things to yourself, but he couldn’t help but feel that there was something else that was keeping you from reaching out to your Sempul. And he knew that following you to wherever the hell you were going was most likely going to reveal the reason why. At least, he hoped so. He just wanted to help you. You were his little girl and he’d do anything to make sure that you were safe and sound.
You stopped before a small clearing, discreetly checking over your shoulders in paranoia. You knew that no one had seen you rush out to the forest, but still, you needed to make sure of it before continuing on. Once you were satisfied that no one was around, you continued forth.
Jake wasn’t necessarily shocked to say the least when he saw where you were going. He was pretty sure that some kids came out here to do whatever the hell children did, but didn’t suspect you to be one of them. Lo’ak seemed to the one who would.
A few years back, when still dealing with the aftermath of the RDA’s equipment and all the shit they left behind, the clan had decided to leave alone some of their labs or established campsites, marking it as outskirts of the forest where children were not allowed to visit. And you had claimed the closest one to Home Tree. Well, it wasn’t completely yours but you were the one who frequented it the most so you found it suiting to call it your hideout.
The Olo’eyktan shook his head as he watched you open the metal door with a small grunt, walking inside while holding your side in a pained expression that Jake missed as your back faced towards him.
Every inch of your body ached. You were more than certain that multiple bruises covered your azure skin and that scratches from your bullies' pushes and nails littered its expanse. It sucked. Being treated this way by people who you were supposed to lead one day. Feeling like you weren’t enough to become clan leader when the Great Mother deemed it necessary. It all made you feel like perhaps Neteyam was more deserving of the title, albeit him being only eight years old. In your eyes, he was the perfect image of what a true Na’vi should be. Four fingers on each hand and foot, no eyebrows on his brow bones, and he practically oozed confidence and leadership whereas you, you were you. A five-fingered freak who will only ever be seen as outcast, alien, and a monster. Your entire existence was a reminder of what the sky people did to the natives of Pandora. Of what they stole from them. Of the lives they greedily took. How could you be a leader to people who only ever saw you as such? Who didn’t even want you there in the first place?
“Fuck!” You hissed, hot electric pain shooting up your entire body as you attempted to clean the wounds scattered across your skin. It didn’t help that you only had one working hand as well. It hurt too much to move your right hand, your pinky always wanting to follow its fellow fingers in whatever movement you did. So, you opted to just use your left for addressing your wounds, which was a much harder task than you thought.
Fucking pathetic, you thought, getting angry at yourself. You couldn’t take one little beating without crying and groaning in pain. What kind of future leader are you? You’re supposed to be strong. Take beatings in stride.
You were abruptly pulled from your self-loathing thoughts with a loud cough, making you freeze in your spot. As your eyes slowly traveled to your Fathers figure in the doorway of the metal infrastructure, you knew that you were fucked. Like, really fucked.
Anxiety exploded within your chest, causing you to gulp, trying to swallow it down so you didn’t seem weak in front of your seemingly impenetrable Father. He was everything you wanted to be. Everything you couldn’t be.
“What is this?” He asks, voice surprisingly calm. He hadn’t been able to properly see your figure when he followed you through the dark forest, not seeing the full extent of your injuries. He didn’t even know that you were injured.
“Uh, nothing, just…got done with sparring and needed to clean myself up,” you responded, eyes never meeting those of Jake’s. You knew better not to. For if you did, you’d spill everything that happened to you and how you felt. You could never lie to your Sempul, which is why you tended to avoid him whenever you got into another scuffle with the other children.
Jake puts his hands on his hips as he stands there, not believing your words. You knew he wouldn’t. Your Father was great at knowing whether or not you were telling the truth, the avoidance of his gaze being one of them. His shadow from the door seemed towering and all consuming as it nearly reached your dangling toes from where you sat atop of a metal table.
“Do not lie to me, ‘evenge,” he grumbled, face scrunched into an unreadable expression. “What happened? Why are you bleeding?” He continued, serious concern laced within his voice. Jake didn’t even need to take a handful of steps before he was in front of you, kneeling to match your height.
You refused to speak, eyes looking everywhere except for your Fathers face. You just couldn’t. You needed to be strong, strong heart at this moment. For if you didn’t, you’d feel as if you were too weak for your birthright.
The man in front of you sighed out, moving his head to try to catch your gaze, “Baby girl, please. Tell me what is wrong so Sempu can fix it,” he pleaded. He was so desperate to help you, you could hear it evident in his voice.
You shook your head as tears stung your eyes, tightly screwing them shut to prevent them from spilling out. But, your Father pleaded with you again.
“Please, baby girl. What happened? Why are you hurt?” He softly asked, tears pricking his own waterline as you refused to tell him anything. He felt like he did something wrong for you to not want to tell him what happened. Like he failed at being a Father. Was he not there enough for you? Did he say something to you that made you scared to open up to him? He racked his brain for a million things.
Hearing the crack of emotion within his voice is what persuaded you to break in front of your Father, tears continuously falling down your cheeks as they escaped from the corner of your eyes.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Jake cooed, bringing you into his arms, now fully seated on the cold floor as he brought you into his lap and wrapped his arms around you, gently running a hand through your hair in hopes to calm you down. Sobs racked your body and Jake felt helpless. He wanted to help you so badly but he couldn’t do anything without knowing the reason you were upset. It broke him to see his little girl like this.
“It’s okay, princess. Whatever it is, I swear Sempu won’t be mad. I just want to make it better,” he whispered, gently and slowly rocking from side to side, something he did frequently when you were a toddler and had trouble falling asleep. It never failed to make you sleepy and passed out in his arms when you were smaller.
Eventually, you caved and told him everything. How mean the other kids are. How they like to pull and tug at your pinky. How they routinely pick at you and beat you. How they beat you an hour prior and probably severely hurt you. How they love calling you colorful names. How small and insignificant they made you feel. You told him how inadequate you felt as the heir to his title. How much of a freak you were and how the People deserve a true leader, someone like Neteyam. How it felt like the whole world was on your shoulders. You let it all out. And by the end, you ran out of tears to cry and your body stopped shaking, hiccups escaping past your lips as you laid there wrapped up in your Fathers arms.
Jake listened as you cried and sobbed out how you felt and what was going on. How you felt like you had to hide what was happening in order to seem strong and worthy of being a leader. How you wanted to be strong like him and Neytiri. How you felt like you needed to deal with all of this on your own in order to feel like you deserved the title of heir to the Olo’eyktan throne. The more you spoke, the more Jake felt his heart break into two. He felt awful for not noticing how you were struggling. He was your Dad, he was supposed to know when you weren’t feeling well and coke comforted you. But instead, he became too consumed with his duties to the clan and neglected you in the process.
“Oh, my little star, I am so sorry,” Jake utters, tears falling down his face as he finally got you to break and bare your troubled spirit to him. He felt saddened at how you felt but angry towards the children who relentlessly teased you about your differences.
“You are not a freak or a monster. You are my daughter. A product of your Sa’nok and I’s love. You are a part of me as you are your Mother. You are a result of a story that will forever be known by the people of Pandora. You are the new hope for the future. You are every part Na’vi as the rest of your siblings. You are the fruit of those who came before you and proof that you are meant to be here, to be the next leader of your people,” he gently said, tone firm and serious. He meant every word that he said.
“Your spirit is strong, so is your heart. Strong heart,” he added, making you pull away from the safety and comfort of his neck to face him. You’d never thought you’d ever hear those two words come from his mouth. You never thought you were worthy enough to bare those words on your shoulders like your Mother and Father did. You felt comforted by his words, validated by them.
“I need you to promise me that you will tell me the next time you ever feel this way again, baby girl,” he commented, bringing up one of his hands as he extended his last finger and balled the rest up into a fist, “Pinky swear it.”.
Your eyebrows furrowed at the action, not knowing what it meant or what you were supposed to do. “A what?” You questioned, voice hoarse from all the sobbing you did.
“A pinky promise,” Jake answered, a small smile on his face, “It’s something humans did back on Earth. They did it to make promises together and ensure that no one breaks it.”.
You nodded in understanding, bringing out your non-injured pinky and wrapping it around your Father’s, giggling as he slightly tugged your intertwined fingers to make sure that the promise you made him was stable and unbreakable.
“You cannot break this promise, ‘evenge, or there will be consequences,” Jake commented, tone mixed with playfulness and seriousness.
“What will happen if I break it, Sempu?” You asked, slight worry laced within your voice. Your Mother always warned you to stay away from tawtute things, or things that were foreign in general. So Jake introducing something human to you made you nervous. A million things ran through your head as to what could happen to you if you broke the promise you just made with your Father, temporarily distracting you from your chaotic thoughts.
Jake smirked, the tip of his fangs poking out from his lips and catching on the flesh of the bottom one. “If you break the greatest oath there is, the pinky promise, then the great toruk will come down and snatch you up!” He exclaimed, head going in between your neck and shoulder to blow raspberries into your jugular, causing you to shriek out a giggle.
Your feeble attempts at trying to push away your Father from your sensitive neck were all for nought, shrieky giggles escaping your lips as he continued his attack on your neck as he brought up his free hand to tickle the side of your stomach, his other one still intertwined with your pinky.
“Okay! Okay!” You panted, finally pushing your Father from your poor neck, “I won’t ever break our pinky promise!”.
Jake laughed at your reaction, smiling as he brought up your still connected pinkies, “Good, I’d hate to lose you to the mighty toruk.”.
You giggled out in response as well, wiggled your small finger from your Fathers much larger and stronger one, placing it back into your lap. You had a big smile on your face, matching the one of your Fathers as he lovingly gazed down at you.
The relaxed atmosphere didn’t last for long though, your face dropping once the painful throbbing in your body returned. You forgot about the events that happened hours prior, your Father being a great distraction. But nothing sweet lasts forever.
Jake seemed to catch onto your now saddened mood, frowning along with you. He hated seeing you in pain, whether that be physically or mentally. He hated it.
“Want me to help you clean up, syulang?” He softly asked, pushing some of your braids away from your dropped face, hooking two of his fingers underneath your chin so you looked up at him.
You only nodded in response, wrapping your arms around the back of your Fathers neck before placing your head on his shoulder, seeking his warmth as comfort. Your body was no longer running on adrenaline and all of your injuries seemed to hit you like an ‘angtsìk. Pain and sleepiness was the only thing you were able to feel in the moment, letting out a little yawn against your Fathers azure skin.
“Okay, baby girl,” he whispered, putting one of his hands behind your head as he began to sit up, “I got you. Just sleep, okay? Sempu’s got you.”.
And sleep you did. You soundly slept as Jake quietly and gently cleaned the blood and dirt off your skin, promising to deal with the children that did this to you. No one would hurt his little girl and get away with it. He’d personally see to it that they won’t.
3K notes · View notes
wannaeatramyeon · 5 months
Text
Lookism x Reader: Happy Holidays!
G/N. Soft fluff. (All my blorbos - Gun Park, Goo Kim, Ryuhei Kuroda, Jake Kim, Vin Jin, Samuel Seo)
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Gun Park - Hat
For the man that could buy pretty much anything, you opted to go for homemade. A personal touch.
Issue is, your personal touch is pretty shitty and shoddy. Gun still accepts the hat with a straight face and heartfelt thanks even as you tell him he doesn't have to wear it.
Why wouldn't I, he thinks. You have spent your time and effort making this for him and he appreciates it. Even if it isn't quite his... taste.
.
.
"What is that on your head?" Goo exclaims, torn between bursting into laughter and abject horror at the crimson bobble hat Gun is sporting. Ends of his hair poking out, and the colour highlighting the red of his windswept cheeks and nose.
"Fuck off."
"I think it's cute," Crystal grins as Goo whirls around and screeches.
"Cute?! Gun Park? Have you lost your mind?"
"Like you can say anything with those ridiculous mittens."
"My mittens are not ridiculous!"
Ignoring Crystal and Goo devolving into slinging insults at each other, Kouji glances at Gun and chuckles, opens his mouth to tease-
And is intercepted by a look from Gun, and a warning. "Shut it if you want to live."
Kouji's mouth slams shut.
.
.
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Goo -  Mittens
"Tasteless," Gun sneers, and Goo kicks his ass for it.
"Tasteless," Kouji sighs, and Goo throws his laptop out the window.
"Tasteless," Crystal laments, and Goo- well. Goo can't exactly do anything. That's his boss's daughter, and nepotism is kinda a thing.
So he snarls, nostrils flaring and calls her tasteless too.
.
.
"I. LOVE. THESE!" You screech, high and shrill when you yank the mittens out of the box.
Tasteless huh, Goo thinks smugly as you cover him in kisses, No surprise it's everyone else that has no taste.
Birds of a feather truly flock together where you and Goo are concerned. Birds of a feather will also be able to keep their hands warm with their couples mittens too.
A conjoined monstrous thing, that allows you two to keep holding hands through the bitter Seoul winter. Keeping your fingers intertwined and an objectively OTT display of PDA. That you had to be touching, can't even bear to keep your hands to yourself for a moment, that you would need such an accessory.
Goo thought it was perfect when he laid eyes on it, if the way you two are always attached at the hip is any indication.
You clearly think so too, when Goo unwraps his own gift-
-Delighted and cackling, pulling out the same duplicate mittens.
.
.
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Ryuhei Kuroda - Card
"Y/N!" Ryuhei calls you from down the hallway, waving enthusiastically before striding over.
"Here," he grins, handing over a card, "Happy Holidays. Hope you like it!"
.
.
The card sits on your desk. It's somewhere between cringe and cheesy, and utterly charming.
On the front is a (badly) hand drawn picture of you and Ryuhei, signed with his signature in the corner. Inside, a couple lines of explicit filth accompanied with sickeningly sweet declarations and too many hearts and kisses to count.
You blame it on the festive period. That's the reason you're feeling so soppy and sentimental, why every time you look at the crappy drawing you can't help but smile.
.
.
Ryuhei blinks, eyebrows shooting up to his hairline, "You kept it?"
"Yeah," you peer at the card in your periphery, "I like it."
"You like it? Really?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
You hear Ryuhei mumbling something about how someone (no prizes for guessing who) would always just dump them in the trash without opening.
"...And they weren't even lewd," he sighs, then perks up, any gloominess dissipating and eyes practically sparkling, "But that's all in the past."
Absolutely delighted, Ryuhei leans over your desk, practically lying across it, and punctuates each word with a kiss, "You!” MWAH “Like!” MWAH “It!” MWAH
"Yeah," you smile fondly at your idiot, cupping his face, "I like you too."
.
.
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Jake Kim - Gifts
Jake shrugs off his jacket and loosens his tie. It's been a long day. Actually, it's just been a long goddamn year.
He runs his fingers through his hair, ready to jump in the shower and straight to bed when-
Gift bags and presents cover his coffee table and a 'DO NOT OPEN! IT'S NOT FOR YOU!' sign catches his eye.
Huh. That is undoubtedly your scrawl, but if they're not gifts for him then...? He fires off a quick text.
Jake: hey, did you leave some presents at mine?
Y/N: yeah!
Y/N: i did some shopping and grabbed some stuff for your big deal boys
Y/N: and lua ofc
Jake, jaw dropping open at your thoughtfulness: really?
Y/N: yep. sinu and yeonhui too btw.
Jake: are you serious??
Y/N: yeah.. is that not ok?
He’s rendered speechless. And that you might even think that you have overstepped or any such nonsense is ridiculous.
Jake: wow
Jake: it’s more than ok
Jake: you didn’t have to
Jake: i appreciate it.thank you
Y/N: 😁 its just some small bits and pieces. i didn't think you would have time
Y/N: i left some food for you in the fridge too 🥰
His breath hitches and stomach grumbles, your message reminding his body he hasn't had anything since this morning.
Jake starts to type-
I can't believe-
You're the best-
I'm so lucky-
You're too good to-
I don't know what I would do without-
None of them feel right.
In the end he settles for something far simpler.
He dials your number, hears the question in your voice when you pick up.
And pours everything into three words, "I love you."
.
.
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Vin Jin - Cheonliang
Vin opts for casual and nonchalant, pretends it's something that he thought of rather than something that he has wondered about for the last few weeks.
(Used Mary as a soundboard and she had thought it was a good idea, and if Mary thinks it's a good idea then it definitely is.)
It was a passing thought, at first. A small seed planted and grown until all Vin can think about is how nice the holidays would be with you, how cool it would be to show you where he grew up.
He can't ever escape the awful memories there that still haunt him, but... maybe he can create new memories too.
With you.)
"If you're not doing anything for the holiday break," Vin keeps his eyes on his phone, scrolling now and then to keep up appearances, "Want to come visit Cheonliang with me?"
The question is casual. Easygoing. Breezy. His voice doesn't crack at the end. He's not holding his breath waiting for your reply. He doesn't desperately wish you would say yes, and hasn’t already planned the days with you in advance.
"Really?"
"Yeah," Vin forces himself to shrug, "Might be nice."
"I would love to!"
Vin takes a peek in your direction, double checks he didn't just hallucinate your agreement or that you're joking.
He didn't, and you're not. All he sees is excitement painted over your face and a wide smile. You know how much this means.
He wraps his arm around your shoulder, a weight lifted from his own. Equally anxious and thrilled to show you every part of himself.
.
.
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Samuel Seo - Gift
"This would look good on you," Samuel shows you a piece of fine jewellery on his phone. It's exquisite. A bit too much for everyday wear (of course Samuel would pick this out, he himself is a bit too much), though it really is stunning.
You tell him it's beautiful.
He pauses, studies your face, then clicks the screen off. Back to square one. "You don't love it."
It's not accusatory, just a statement. But he feels like he needs to get this right. Your first holiday together and you deserve the world. He wants to get you something, really spoil you, to show how much you mean to him.
You take in Samuel's face and can't help but giggle. Him trying to remain unaffected except for a small, telling pout.
"I would love it if you got it for me," You shuffle over until you're sitting in his lap, "But I don't need it."
He wraps you in his arms, adjusting until you're both comfortable, "What do you need?"
"Nothing," Grinning, "I don't need anything else."
"Fine, then what do you want?"
"You."
Your cheesy response earns an eye roll and a reluctant huff of laughter, "You got me. What else do you want?"
"Nothing," you repeat, leaning in and lifting his glasses off. "You're enough."
You pepper his face with kisses until Samuel melts into a puddle; all thoughts of proving his love with price tags and money completely forgotten.
422 notes · View notes
dearmantis · 1 year
Text
Back from the dead
Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/The Darkling x Reader
Summary: As a new servant hired to help out in the Little Palace you have a bit of trouble finding your place in the new, unfamiliar environment. It doesn't help that some of the people there seem to know you.
Warnings: mentions of death/dying alone, bleeding out
Word Count: 4k
Authors' Note: I have written something. Congrats to me. I'm not sure if I like it. This isn't edited and I'm not a native English speaker.
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"Who is this for? There's no name." You ask with a frown, holding up the dark brown wooden hanger. Usually, the clothes you're supposed to deliver to the Grisha have their name and order on the hanger, but this one is empty.
The other servant in the room with you, Mira, who is currently busy hanging the Kefta of a Tidemaker onto a dark blue hanger, looks up, eyes scanning the wood before her face contorts into a grimace.
"That's for Baghra. She prefers to wash her clothes herself, but once a month, the General asks us to steal her clothes and wash and repair them. Small warning: she's probably going to yell at you when you give them back."
You pull your eyebrows together, a deep wrinkle forming between them. "Wouldn't it make sense to just put them in front of her house in a basket or something instead of giving them to her personally? Or waiting until she's out again to bring them back inside?"
Mira shakes her head quickly. The movement makes her hair look like the most expensive black satin available.
"She has definitely noticed that someone took her clothes while she was out training the kids. She's waiting for someone to return them to let out some of her anger. There's no way Baghra is leaving her house until her clothes are back and she got to verbally abuse someone. I'm sorry."
Her attention goes back to the Tidemakers kefta, her long fingered hands carefully smoothing any wrinkles out of the material while her gaze checks the clothing item for any loose threads before hanging it up on the clothing rack next to her and moving onto the next item, a cream coloured cotton blouse with some beautifully carved wooden buttons.
Your hands dig slightly into the dark fabric of the dress you're holding, trying to determine if Mira is just trying to mess with you for fun or if she's seriously trying to warn you. You've only started working in the Little Palace a week ago and rumours about Baghra quickly found your ears as well, but you foolishly assumed that you would never have to interact with her after finding out that she usually only terrorizes the kitchen staff who bring her her meals.
Carefully looking through the other clothing racks for other dark brown, unnamed hangers, you end up with eight items before you finally leave the room, Miras "good luck!" following you through the halls like a death sentence as you move to leave the Little Palace.
You want to get this done quickly, trying your hardest to talk some bravery into yourself. Getting insulted by the old woman is basically a rite of passage according to some of the things you've heard over the past few days, like getting scared to death by the General or one of his Oprichniki randomly appearing behind you, getting into a fight with a servant from the Grand Palace after they said something mean about the Little Palace, and slipping on the stairs that lead to the kitchens.
You will survive this. Many have survived this before you, and many will continue to survive this after you.
The sun is slowly disappearing behind the palace, dipping the sky into a lovely shade of bright orange, pink, purple and grey-ish blue, reminding you that you will probably be done with work soon after this delivery. You will eat dinner with the other servants, who will probably want to gossip about Baghra with you, and then you will go to sleep for the night. It'll be a nice day, maybe, after you're back.
And then a new day will begin, and hopefully, someone else will be tasked with bringing her clothes back next month.
Of course, there's still the risk of being asked to steal her clothes, but you'll simply try to avoid joining the group scheduled to collect dirty laundry, at least when it's time to sneak into her house.
You've never been a fast runner, and you can't run for long either. She would catch you and beat you to death with that stick you've heard so much about before you even realise that she noticed someone breaking in.
When the house finally becomes visible, you can feel your muscles stiffen, but you force yourself to keep going. This is your job, after all. It's already a big miracle that you got this position in the first place, considering you have no training or experience as a servant. You really can't afford to run back into the palace and cry that you're too scared of the old woman to bring her her clothes.
And saints, what if she finds out you're that scared of her? Your mother always said that people only bully you to get a reaction out of you. They find the fear in your eyes amusing.
And that's what the old woman is, right? A big, old bully who kicks the children she's supposed to train around like pebbles and verbally abuses everyone who gets a bit too close to her.
You can't be weak in front of her. You won't be weak in front of her.
You can't see the woman, but you know she's waiting. You can feel her, somehow. She's lingering in that house, waiting for you to step closer, for your shadow to come just a bit too close to her door, and then she'll rip it open before you get a chance to knock to scare you as much as possible.
It's predictable, simple, and childish, and for some reason, it feels exactly like something Baghra would do. Which is weird because you don't actually know her. You've only heard what the servants and Grisha have gossiped about in the halls of the Little Palace.
But you feel like you've known her. Back when... when you were a child, maybe? No. You grew up in a village so small that the testers don't even bother to go there anymore. You would remember a woman like Baghra, just like you remember everyone else who has ever lived in the village.
Readjusting your hold on the old woman's clothes, you finally get close to the house and take a deep breath, waiting for her to rip the door open. Your steps become heavier and slower a few metres away from the door, hopefully catching her attention before she slams it right into your face.
The plan works. When the door gets thrown open, it misses you by two whole steps. You only feel a bit of air move against your face when an older woman steps out of her home, her dark eyes focused on the clothes bundled up in your arms.
Her thin lips open, ready to begin her verbal attack and insult and ridicule everything about you, when her eyes finally move up to your face.
The words get stuck in her throat and she simply stares at you for a few seconds, eyebrows pulling together as she looks you over.
"I have your fresh laundry, Miss." You announce, trying to make your voice sound as even and calm as possible.
She. doesn't. scare. you.
You might be scaring her a bit though.
A deep frown appears on her face, quickly turning into a scowl when you hold the clothes out to her.
"Did he hide you from me for all this time? Or did you hide yourself from both of us and decided to come back because he has more power now?"
Now it's your turn to frown, confusion written all over your face.
Baghra rolls her eyes, clearly already tired of you and whatever game she thinks you're playing. You try to prepare yourself for some other speech, some explanation of whatever she believes is your plan, but then she says your name, the name you've never given her, and any form of control you had over your body seeps out of it like water through a cheese cloth.
"You supid child. Faces reappear through history, and so do voices. But both? Together? And exactly the same as the first time? Impossible. I'm not gonna fall for your schemes. Take what you need and leave before he sees you. I don't need to hear his pathetic sobbing again. I had enough of that when you first died."
Her thin arms reach out to rip the clothes out of your graps before she moves to return into her house.
"Or, well, didn't die." the old woman murmurs, her gaze finding yours once more. "You really should just stay dead."
Slamming the door shut behind her, she leaves you to stand in front of her house, completely speechless.
What just happened? What was that?
You slowly turn around and walk back to the Little Palace, unable to tell if you can actually feel Baghras eyes following you, her gaze burning itself into your back, or if its a wave of paranoia making you think that that's what's happening.
Of course you're scared. Someone who's not supposed to know your name knows your name. Nobody knows a servants name – except other servants, of course – because no one ever bothers to learn their names. That's just how it is. You're background characters who clean up and take care of the main characters. Nobody learns the name of a background character because they don't matter.
You don't matter.
But why does Baghra know? The only explanation you can come up with is that she harassed some other servant to find out everything about the new servants in hopes of scaring the absolute shit out of them. But why bother with that? For fun? Is she that bored?
Huffing quietly, you slip back into the Little Palace and go back into the basement, simply letting out a deep sigh when Mira asks you how it went. She smiles encouragingly and promises you to give you half of her desert at dinner tonight in hopes of cheering you up a bit.
You have trouble sleeping that night, and it doesn't get better the next night, or the one after that. Instead, you dream more vividly than ever before, waking up completely exhausted rather than well rested like you should be after six to eight hours of sleep.
You never remember what you dreamed about.
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"You didn't have to..." You say quietly, carefully cradeling the fresh herbs.
"Well, if you don't want them-" The man playfully reaches out to take the bundles back, but you move them out of his grasp quickly, accompanied by a bright laugh. "Come on, I can give them to someone else. I bet my mother would appreciate them."
"You are not going to re-gift these, Sasha! They're mine now." You giggle. "I have some flowers you could bring your mother though! I doubt she's going to openly appreciate them, but she might like them. You know, in her own way."
He smiles and takes a slow step forward, his face hovering directly over yours.
"I will bring them to her later. Right now, I just want to focus on you."
A soft smile paints itself onto your lips and you wait for him to lean down and press a kiss against them.
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Your laugh echoes loudly through the house when he finally catches up to you, his arms wrapping tightly around you.
"Caught you," He huffs, his head bending down to lean against yours. Your hands move to his, holding onto them tightly as you let yourself sink down onto the soft carpet in your living room, pulling the man down with you. He sits down before you get the chance to, pulling you onto his lap, his lips pressing small kisses onto your shoulder and neck.
You lean back against his chest and soak up the warmth his body gives off. "It's not fair. Your legs are longer than mine. Of course you're faster than me."
"You were the one who suddenly ran off and yelled you'll have to catch me first! when I asked you for a simple goodbye kiss." The man laughs, and you can feel how the amusement and joy you felt before disappear slowly.
"I don't want you to go, Sasha."
You don't like admitting it. It makes you feel weak. A voice in the back of your mind whispers that he would never miss you the way you miss him. It sounds a bit too much like his mother, and you wonder when your inner voice of self-doubt started copying her voice. Since when do you even care what she thinks?
"I know, lapushka... But I'll be back soon, I promise. It'll be fine. You won't even notice I'm gone. Everything will be alright. I would never let anything happen to you, I swear it."
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You can't hear anything.
You can't tell if it's actually that quiet or if your body is starting to give up and you lost your hearing. Hopefully, it's just silent. It would be a shame if you could never hear Aleksanders voice again.
But silence isn't good either, you think. There are supposed to be screams around you. If they stopped screaming, that means they're dead. That means you're next.
But you can't be next. Aleksander isn't here yet, and he promised he would be back. He promised, and he never breaks his promises.
He has to come back. He swore he would make sure you would be safe, and while you told him that that's a stupid and impossible thing to promise someone, you did believe him when he said it.
But where is he?
How are you supposed to keep your own promise if he's not here to save you?
You said you wouldn't leave him behind, but you can't keep that if they burn you. You're not strong enough to withstand flames and endless torture. No one is.
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It's shocking how bad he is at cooking. He's completely devoid of any talent.
Sure, simple broths and soups are no issue, but as soon as the recipe requires a bit more thought, he is suddenly helpless.
Of course you would never tell him that. Not when he always tries so hard to help you, eyes wide and pleading as he begs you to let him take over some of the work.
"Please. I promise I won't mess up."
He always does, but you love him anyway.
He is a fantastic baker though. Every loaf of bread he works on, every cookie and every cake, turns into something perfect. As soon as sugar is involved, he suddenly becomes the most gifted man in all of Ravka.
Probably because he doesn't want to waste precious sugar, no matter what shape it comes in. Honey, fruit, berries, it doesn't matter. If it's sweet he loves it. That's just how he is.
He has a big smile on his lips when he shows you the freshly baked loaf of bread he worked on that day, already talking about what he's going to pair it with later when it's finally cooled down.
You know you should tell him not to eat so much sugar, to instead pair the bread with some of the cheese you still have in the house, but his smile is such a rare sight nowadays. You can't bring yourself to ruin his good mood.
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Your head is resting on his chest, ear pressed against his skin to listen to his resting heartbeat. His face is relaxed.
He looks younger like this. Every time he is awake he looks and acts like the fate of the whole world rests on his shoulders, but when he's stuck in the world of dreams he is completely calm.
He looks like the boy he was never really allowed to be.
You're glad that he managed to find rest relatively quickly considering how outraged he was after his fight with his mother just an hour before, his loud voice booming through the small abandoned house you're hiding in.
"Who does she think she is to keep trying to force her opinions down my throat? I don't care about what she thinks. I get to choose who I want to spend my life with. She has no say in this. She doesn't even know you! You would never leave me, right?"
A quiet mumble leaves his lips, his arms moving to wrap around you, pressing you closer to him before he rolls to his side and presses his face against the space between your neck and shoulder, his warm breath brushing over your skin and pulling you out of your thoughts.
You try your hardest not to flinch at the sensation, no matter how much it tickles you. Instead you start to brush your hands through his hair, carefully massaging his scalp with your fingernails. His body tenses slightly, just for a few seconds, before he fully relaxes again, letting out a content sigh that sounds suspiciously like your name.
Smiling weakly you press a kiss onto his neck before closing your eyes as well.
"I promise that I won't leave you behind. I'll stay with you until the end of time if you let me. I swear it, Sasha."
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Baghra is oddly possessive of her son considering she clearly doesn't like him.
That's the only thing you can think about as you watch her fuss over the boy she has tried so hard to keep hidden from the rest of the small Grisha village.
You want to talk to him. Everyone your age wants to talk to him. There aren't many teens in the village and while you all like each other, you're getting a bit sick of each other as well. Having someone new here to talk and play with could help soften the rising tension.
But that woman... she just shoos you all away as soon as you get too close to her precious son. You can't help but notice that he doesn't seem particularly happy about her behavior either.
He always looks so sad when he watches you and the other play and train, desperate to join you and have some fun instead of helping his mother wash dishes and fix clothes.
Most people would've fought back at some point, would've tried to defend themselves against their mother, but he just sits there and takes it as she scolds him over something stupid again. It's always something stupid, and he just listens to her words with that sad look in his eyes before his gaze begins to wander in hopes of finding something else to focus on, his face flushing from embarrassment.
This time his gaze find you, and even from several metres away you can see how his ears turn red. You try to give him an encouraging smile, but his attention snaps back to his mother before he can see it.
You really need to get him away from her, at least for one night. Maybe you could convince him that you could hunt together or something. He deserves some normal interactions without his mother hovering around him like a bird of prey.
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There are screams again, and you're almost glad. Almost.
It's cold now, and it keeps getting colder with all of the blood seeping out of your body, stealing all of the warmth from your limbs and spreading it on the dusty stone floor you're laying on.
You're not sure if its just the exhaustion making you hallucinate or if the shadows are truly moving in your little cell. It would make sense. Aleksander always draws pictures and scenes onto the walls or floor when you can't sleep. Nothing relaxes you more nowadays, except maybe his voice and touch. If your body wants you to stay relaxed as you slowly die, it would probably show you that, right?
You can feel how your powers try to put your body back together. The familiar, almost tingling sensation spreads all over your body, but the blood is still seeping out of you like a small river.
You will die here, you realise. Aleksander hasn't come back and you will die, leaving him behind. He will be on his own again.
You both broke your promise.
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Your mind feels like a glass bottle, ready to burst at any moment. You feel fragile and weak, disoriented and somehow... misplaced. You're not where you're supposed to be and you don't know how to get back to your original position.
Where do you belong?
Your physical health deteriorates further as well, alongside your mental health. You're often confused and lost, and your body never stops shaking, forcing you to wear the long, three coloured scarf you used to wear back when you still lived on your families little farm. It's against the uniform guidelines, but no one ever says anything because of how pitiful you look.
Mira compares you to her little siblings a lot, which is always followed by a sad sigh. Both of them are sick, which is why she works at the Little Palace, so far away from home. She sends the money she makes home to make sure they get the medicine they need, and now she takes care of you, giving you easy tasks like repairing small tears in clothes, sowing buttons back on and, of course, bringing the clothes back to their original owners.
You're never asked to go to Baghras hut again though.
"It would just exhaust you more, and you already look like you can barely stand. I don't want you to collapse."
That is Miras' official explanation when you asked why she didn't want you to go, but you're starting to question that reasoning now. If she really wanted to protect you from fainting, why did she send you to bring the General his clothes?
That seems a lot more exciting than being yelled at by the old woman again.
The basket filled with his clothes is also quite heavy and hard to hold with your sweaty palms, a lot harder than the eight hangers that you could simply hug against your body, letting the clothes drape over your crossed arms.
But you really don't want to tell Mira that you don't want to bring him his clothes. It's already embarrassing enough that you are officially no longer allowed to bring clothes to Baghra because of your illness. If you now say you can't bring the General of the Second Army his stupid socks, you might as well resign from your position and go back to your families farm in the middle of nowhere.
He's probably not even in his office. He's a busy man, after all. You will just swoop in, place his laundry basket on the floor next to the door, and take the basket with his dirty laundry back to be cleaned.
A simple job. You're scared for no reason. And even if he is there, he never interacts with the servants. You haven't seen him once since you started working in the Little Palace, and you know several other servants who have been here for longer and have never seen him either.
It'll be fine.
You repeat those words to yourself over and over until you finally see the dark, beautifully carved wooden doors that lead to the Darklings quarters.
The oprichniki standing in front of them eye you suspiciously, but they knock and open the door for you anyways, stepping aside to let you in.
They close the door behind you as soon as you're inside, and your gaze automatically swoops up to the man sitting at the desk at the other end of the room. You planned to just drop the basket off and get the dirty one, but now that you're actually here and in front of the General, you can't bring yourself to move.
There's a tingling sensation at the back of your neck, like your brain is trying to dig up a memory that isn't there anymore. Like you've seen this man before, but you don't remember where.
He's bent over his desk, his dark eyes reading through a thick, several pages long letter, paying you no attention while you shamelessly stare and try to remember where you could've possibly seen him.
He has definitely never been to your village. He is the Darkling.
A sigh leaves his lips after a few agonizing seconds, but he does not look up.
You're starting to get a headache now. The bottle feels like it's going to burst.
"Drop the basket off at the door. The dirty laundry is in my bedroom. Simply go through the door on the right and you'll find it."
You take a step backwards, your back hitting the door as you try your hardest not to drop the basket. There is a name right on the tip of your tongue, demanding you speak it into the silence lingering in the room.
The headache is now a sharp pain, right at the base of your skull. It feels almost like a warning. Like your body is begging you not to say it. To simply get the laundry and leave and never come back. To not let the botte burst.
"Aleksander?"
He looks up, eyes widening when his gaze finds your face. He whispers your name so quietly you almost miss it.
The bottle bursts.
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dungeonpuppykai · 1 month
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Based on this mood prompt that @captregina told me to elaborate on. 
Warning(s): Power imbalance, misogynistic husband Steve, spanking, degradation, dumbification, panty sniffing, infantilization. Minors do not interact.  
Pairing: 40's breadwinner wallstreet worker husband!Steve Rogers | Housewife!You.
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"I am sorry" Steve, your lawfully wedded husband, had to do a double take as he put down his work bag that you had refused to accept in your hands. "What was that, honey?" As you huffed and crossed your arms in response before putting one foot out and raising your chin up high, your newfound defiance caused him to raise a puzzled eyebrow at your smaller form. 
"You heard me" you hmphed out your words. 
"No" now it was Steve's turn to cross his massive arms -thanks to your hearty cooking and his knack for working out- across his broad chest as his sky blue eyes began to narrow down at your form. "I don't think I did" his head tilted to the side. It was a sign for you to stop; rethink your actions. "So tell me, dear. What was that, just now?" But you were beyond annoyed with him today. 
You had been for a while.
"Ugh, aren't men supposed to be smart?!" You rolled your eyes that he usually adored with his whole heart. "I said, reheat your own food!" Now his other eyebrow shot up to accompany its companion. 
Your husband had been at it for days and you just could not do it anymore. After you worked so hard all day long so you could spend some quality time with your hardworking husband who either had his nose buried in files or his ear glued to the telephone all day long, the man would show up late and tired at odd hours. Then he would expect you to understand -which you tried your best to but Lord you had needs too!-, reheat and ruin the food you always went the extra mile to prepare, eat with him while listening to him rant about things your domestic mind did not understand, then making him a drink with which he would watch tv and you would clean the kitchen before going to sleep cuddled up only to repeat the same day again! 
Sundays -the only days when he was free- were not much different because he would always have plans with his friends that were getting fancier by the day and though you liked the get togethers, they held no measure to some one on one time with your dear husband! 
Steve's fingers flew to your wrist before wrapping around it to pull you back and towards him when you went to stomp away to the bedroom. "Where do you think you're going?" 
"To bed, obviously!" He was in disbelief when you went to yank yourself free. Good girls didn't turn their backs to their husbands. "Let go, I am done!" You refused to slave for someone who did not care for your requests even after you had communicated your feelings so many times at this point. 
Your husband snorted. "And since when can you decide what happens around here, honey?" 
"I am deciding for myself! You can do whatever you please like you do anyways!" He did not appreciate your tone. 
"Come on, baby" your strength was no match to your husband's so you could not make him budge much. "I know why you're acting out, but I already told you why this is so important for us and our future" he got you to turn around rather easily despite your struggle. "Don't you remember?" Cradling your pretty face in his hands he caressed your cheeks with his thumbs tenderly. "Or has your little brain forgotten that already?" 
You pouted, not in the mood to cooperate. "You can secure your future however you desire, Steve" he was so used to you calling him by affectionate endearments that the use of his name stung like an insult. "But I am done with working hard all day long and staying up past bedtime for nothing!" You had hated chores with a passion before marriage as it was. "Since you're oh-so-big and smart I am sure you can figure out how to reheat your dinner!" 
"Hey now" his eyebrows furrowed as the movement of his thumbs ceased. "Watch that tone, little girl" you were hanging by a thread but you were far too irritated to care. 
"You watch your tone!" Your fingers curled around his to try and pry them off. "And let me GO!" Another huff escaped you as your eyes hit the back of your head to express your annoyance.
"You really wanna do this right now, young lady?" Steve had made it very clear when he was courting you that he did not like any of your sassy little habits.
Talking back, complaining, pouting, huffing, stomping around, disobeying, eye rolling and misbehaving.
"I just wanna go to bed, ugh!" 
"Okay, you did this" your body had been hurled over one of his shoulders within the next second and while it thrashed in his hold, Steve easily walked over to the couch with one protective hand draped over your ass that he was determined to bruise now.
"Ugh– OWIE!" One of your legs kicked in protest and pain when his palm struck your clothed ass cheeks. "Stop, you meanie brute!" Your husband grunted under his breath as he steeled your knees in his hold before draping you over his lap. 
"I should have known" both your cheeks received a spank each in quick succession. "It has been a while since your last maintenance session, hasn't it, baby?" You went to retort with something petty in response but the bratty way in which you started gave him a good idea and so he cut it off with random strikes all over your poor butt. "Aw, honey, of course!" Your backside had already started to sting like hell so when he yanked your panties off before pushing the hem of your dress up to your waist, you couldn't help but whine. "Your little girl brain forgot, didn't it?" The way he caressed your cheeks caused you to gulp for your sake. 
"O- Ow… stop!" But that only made him raise his hand high to finally administer the first of many skin-to-skin spanks to come. 
"Silly girl thinks she can tell her husband to stop" the hits were becoming more frequent by the second, your husband was settling on a rhythm. "Or tell him to do anything, really!" Your ass was blushing already and your pucker blinked up at him with each strike. Steve could not help but bite his lip at the sight but he knew discipline came first. It always did. He could not afford a mouthy brat for a wife. "Such an ungrateful little thing I've here" your hips tried to scurry left and right so Steve placed the elbow of his free hand between your shoulder blades before ceasing the side of your body facing away from his own until you were so sore you caved. 
"I am sorry, oh my God, hubby, I am sorry!" A satisfied smile spread across his handsome features and his chest puffed outwards in pride. 
"I am sorry, I couldn't quite get that over the sound of brat, honey" his palm was still unrelenting as he went about further reddening your sorry butt. "Why don't you try a bit louder and more convincing now?" It was a rule in your household; you had to mean your apologies. 
Your back arched as you whined in frustration, hanging from his legs limp and resigned to your fate. "I am sorry, dear! I really am!" Your moans morphed into wails when he began to target your sit spots every few hits. "I am sorry for– owwwiee!" Your toes curled when a particular smack caught your pucker in it. "... F- For being ungrateful and n- not appreciating my husband's hard work and sacrifices for us and our future babies!" 
"That's right" he made a point of sitting you upright and right on your sore ass. "And why do you think that was?" 
You whimpered submissively as you lowered your head, unable to hold his authoritative gaze in this state. "B- Because my mind i- is too small to understand or remember such things for too long, hubby" reaching for the hand he had used to punish you, your fingers cradled the crimson palm. "But thanks to you sacrificing your hand for my well being after already working so hard all day long, my small brain has had its much needed reminder that you only mean well" looking up briefly to press an appreciative kiss to his cheek, you squeezed his hand. "Thank you for setting me straight, hubby" the most smug smile etched on his face.
"Oh, sweetie, that's completely fine" Steve's tone was tender but it switched up into an intimidating one briefly, "although mind that I did not appreciate it one bit" when you lowered your head further with a snivel, he continued but in a reassuring manner. "But of course, you're just a girl, aren't you?" 
You nodded wordlessly without looking up. 
His hand snaked out of yours to dip between your legs, the blunt action causing you to gasp aloud. "Tsk, look at all this mess, honey" your face became hot in an instant and your teeth pulled your bottom lip between them. "So worked up from your punishment, hm?" His face dipped closer to yours and you couldn't help but mewl shyly as you buried your face in his shoulder. "Is that why you were so frustrated? Because you weren't getting the kind of attention that you needed from hubby?" You nodded. He clicked his tongue. "Does my little girl also need to be reminded of the rule about verbally responding when spoken to, sweetie?" 
Oh, yes.
The house rules. 
Magnetized to the refrigerator.
"N- No, hubby. I- I remember…" Your eyes focused on his tie and you began to loosen it like you were supposed to after receiving his bag when he got home. 
"Good girl" your eyelids fluttered at the way he kissed your cheek, lovingly caressing the inside of your thigh. "So, tell me, honey. Was that so?" 
"I- It was, hubby" now you relieved him of his first few buttons. "J- Just need you so bad all the time… C- Can't think straight without you…" Steve had a shit eating grin on his face at this point. His ego -and something else- was so inflated that he did not even care about chastising you for your much forbidden actions tonight any longer. 
"Go serve hubby his warm dinner and he'll consider" you obediently jumped to your feet in an instant and bustled to the kitchen with such speed that you didn't even remember to take your discarded panties with you. 
Steve nodded to himself as he watched the way you had disappeared, pulling free the rest of his tie knot himself as he stood up with your underwear in his hand. "Now that's about right." With a deep sniff of the moist article, he walked off in the direction of the bedroom to freshen up.
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MASTERLIST
Let me know what you think, feedback is much appreciated <3 
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cutecinnamon · 16 days
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Concurrence IV
{ Concurrence IV: Lost • Levi x Reader }
CW: ⊹₊ MDNI ⊹₊ Pregnancy ⊹₊ Mentions of Punishment ⊹₊ Thoughts of Asking Levi to End Oneself ⊹₊ Levi Cares ⊹₊
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:gif from pinterest
• 2.8 word count •
Note: Please read "Concurrence I, II and III" first since this is all a part of a series in order to avoid confusion for the story, you can check my Masterlist pinned at my profile for the links ♡
: Read the previous chapter here: Concurrence III ♡
:dividers by @cafekitsune
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Synopsis:
Levi and (y/n) are both starting to get along until insults, blames and harsh rumors started to slowly weigh on her, which ends up to a confrontation with Levi.
PART IV
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˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚
"Do you really think the Captain would love someone like you? Someone who is nothing but a piece of trash that he was forced to take care of?"
Upon all the insults, hurtful statements and negativity you heard from the others, that one stood out to you the most.
˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚
You were currently at the mess hall, the same crowded place filled with chatters and lively voices, but then again it is where you are most likely also be targeted by the people who had no entertainment in life but to talk ill of you.
But you didn't mind, since Levi was beside you.
You and Levi were both eating peacefully at a small table, Levi sat down beside you his arms wrapped around you waist, while his warm hand was resting at the top of your now slightly bulging belly.
You were now currently three months in, and you were starting to show, but thanks to the survey corps coat uniform, the thick fabric was doing its best effort to hide your now forming bump.
"You should eat more." Levi stated while looking at you, still the same gaze but his hand was very light and warm on your belly.
It was like a contrast to his demeanor, the way his gestures were very caring and feather light the past few days which was a contrast to his hard and cold gaze that he has been throwing at you and the others.
While lost in your thoughts, you then felt something cold gently pressed to your lips.
Your attention was then brought back by the touch of the spoon with a decent amount of food on it consisting of rice and fish, you then look at Levi.
He was trying spoon feed you which was honestly very surprising and not like him, you thought.
"Huh?" You asked clearly confused, raising an eyebrow.
The impression that Levi honestly gives is someone who would most likely rudely speak and shake your shoulder if you don't agree to what he says,
or at the very least that was how you and the other people see him, but in reality under the walls he had built up that made him appear cold and detached,
He was honestly very caring and gentle, and it was starting to show as he was slowly letting you in.
You opened your mouth and comply, letting him spoon feed you.
Levi stayed silent the whole time, but despite his cold and stern facade, his gestures say otherwise.
˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚
After eating breakfast at the mess hall, Levi went to an important meeting with Hange about the upcoming expeditions and some backup plans incase Titan shifters or the worst case scenario, Marley makes another move.
As you were walking at the hallway towards the room to were your squadmates were staying and currently cleaning just like the Captain ordered.
You were then approached by Floch and two more scouts following him.
"Oh great, he even brought a few audience." you thought.
Despite Levi warning him to back off from his insults with you, he clearly had a tough skull and thick skin not to easily give into it.
"Looks like you're starting to show a bit, if you stare attentively." Floch said, keeping his usual tone of voice.
"Why are you surprised? are you illiterate about human anatomy?" you responded back calmly, you knew he will insult you again which was not new anymore, so you decided to take the first move.
Honestly at this rate your buttons were much more easy to press as your emotions are more heightened due to your progressing pregnancy.
Floch frowns, clearly you pushed a button.
"Stop talking like you're smart, you're just someone who got knocked up, not to mention a traitor." Floch said with a hint of hostility.
"What else are you going to say?" you asked Floch.
at this rate you honestly started to get used to it, as stupid as it may sound you had no choice but to just let it enter your left ear and for his words to leave your other.
"Do you really think the Captain would love someone like you? Someone who is nothing but a piece of trash that he was forced to take care of?" Floch stated laced with firmness, which was below the belt for you.
You felt the statement tug your heartstrings.
"If you have nothing else better to stay then I better get going." you replied, still trying to keep up the calm demeanor that was slowly crumbling.
You then reached the room where your squadmates were very attentively cleaning, making sure every place was spotless just like how the Captain ordered.
˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚
You decided to sweep the floor as Hange told you before when she last checked up on you not to carry too much heavy items and avoid adding too much strain to your body.
Hange has been looking after you, since she was the one knowledgeable with medicine in the regiment, Levi also trusted her a lot than it looks despite them arguing majority of the time about Hange's experiments about titans.
your mind was then again occupied by the insults you heard from the scouts, especially Floch who you sometimes wished Levi really made as Titan feed like he stated, because of his unfiltered mouth.
Armin noticed your attention was not really at the wooden floor you were sweeping, it was somewhere else.
"Hey, (y/n) are you alright?" Armin asked with a hint of concern.
you just gave him a nod, clearly a giveaway you weren't.
You have been with them for a long time now in the squad, they knew you quite well to know also when you're really alright or just putting up a facade for their sake or your natural act of defense to keep things to yourself securely.
"You know, I read from a book before that everyone should avoid stress, especially for a woman who is carrying a child. Its not really healthy." Armin stated softly.
You then looked at him, Armin saw your gaze and the emotions held in it, mostly it expressed sorrow and pain.
It was clear that the insults you heard and tried to ignore for the past few days were also affecting you too.
"You should atleast open up to Captain Levi about this (y/n)" Armin once again softly stated as he placed a hand on your shoulder.
and once again you gave him another nod, but not really considering his suggestion,
its not that you don't want to tell Levi.
You were just scared, that maybe it would only be a burden. Afterall carrying his child won't erase the past.
˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚
You were on your way towards your shared quarter with the Captain, you then heard a commotion inside Levi's office, although it was wrong your curiousity got the best of you and you decided to eavesdrop while peeping at the door keyhole.
"Captain, I don't see anything we are doing wrong. we are just stating facts afterall." Floch firmly said, while a few more scouts next to him just nervously nodded in return.
Levi was about to punch his face beating the crap out of him when Hange stopped him, firmly grabbing his arms as an act to restrain him.
"Levi calm down, beating him won't do any good." Hange stated, her voice was still soft trying to calm the atmosphere inside the Captain's office.
"Let me go Hange, and let me beat the crap out of him." Levi stated firmly laced with anger, as his gaze pierced the scout with tousled auburn hair, who talked back to him.
"Levi I said keep it together." Hange stated with a more convincing and firm tone.
Levi then breaks free from Hange, he then looks at her.
"You clearly told me he and these morons were insulting (y/n) and that I should look after her because she shouldn't be exposed by stress and negative emotions caused by this group of shitty assholes." Levi stated, his voice clearly laced with annoyance and frustration about everything.
Hange sighs, as she pushed her glasses upwards fixing it. she was also getting a bit annoyed with the situation.
"Captain, I don't know why you're making yourself worked up over her. She is an enemy, she is from Marley, The same people responsible for Commander Erwin's death." Floch stated, clearly he was trying to knock off a few senses from Levi forcing his opinion by bringing up Commander Erwin.
You froze when you heard that.
You knew how much Commander Erwin meant to Levi.
You then thought about it, how Floch said Marley was responsible for his death, How you are connected to those responsible people.
"Does Levi view me the same?"
That was another question that drove your mind into spirals.
Honestly you respected Commander Erwin, he was a good leader, a fighter. you never wanted for any of that to happen.
You were also not aware it would, or else you could've done something to prevent it.
Around the time before that incident happened you already started to pour every ounce of loyalty to the scout regiment, despite being a traitor to your own nation.
"But who would believe me", you thought.
You then decided to walk back to your shared quarters, but this time you weren't able to shake off the heaviness in your heart and your shoulders.
˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚
{ Levi's POV }
For the next three days, you decided to keep to yourself.
Levi noticed but he thought giving you privacy was what you needed,
not until he noticed how you looked dejected, how your smile and the sparkles bringing life to your orbs were slowly diminishing again.
He was worried, not only for your sake but the child you were carrying.
He saw how you were appearing more lethargic, how your usual demeanor that emitted nothing but warmth was slowly being replaced by the coldness of the walls you have somehow built the past three days.
Levi found it frustrating, how he let it get to this.
Levi was currently drinking his tea like usual, but his attention was not at the pages of his paperwork that he was flickering almost only skimming through it and not really paying attention to any of those inked letters, words and statements formed.
He was thinking of how to talk to you, he knew you well enough that you won't open up to him.
you were used to keeping everything to yourself, just like him.
You were currently cleaning your shared quarters which he finds even more annoying since he told you to avoid putting to much strain to your body.
but then again, its not like he could stop you since he knew you will be using the "I don't want to be a burden to you Captain." card.
Just as he was about to approach you, you approached him first telling him that you will wash his now empty teacup.
Levi sighs and nods, as he took this opportunity to think about how he will converse with you later on.
He figured he won't let you go to bed or until this was discussed and over.
As you washed the teacup, he decided to continue staring at his paperwork despite his lack of focus to even entertain any of it.
˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚
The peaceful sound of water can be heard coming from the kitchen as you continued to delicately wash Levi's teacup, despite the calm gush of water echoing though the kitchen you mind was a mess, it was very chaotic, it was as if you were stuck in a dark place. Levi was at the living room doing his paperwork.
As you settled the teacup at the wooden cupboard, you saw both yours and Levi's ODM gear located at a wide wooden shelf decorated with a flower vase and colorful books.
It was honestly like a contrast, how can a gear used to eliminate titans and even human's for the sake of the survival of Humanity itself be kept under a vibrant, colorful shelf?
You then thought about the contradicting treatment Levi has gave you, underneath his stern, cold and sometimes harsh demeanor, His gestures and treatment towards you was honestly delicate, caring, and soft.
Despite your reputation.
Your thoughts then wondered back to the conversation you overheard inside Levi's office.
"Captain, I don't know why you're making yourself worked up over her. She is an enemy, she is from Marley, The same people responsible for Commander Erwin's death."
You then thought about the thought that has been consuming you into a pit of darkness for the past three days,
"Does Levi view me the same?"
You knew that until now, that Commander Erwin meant a lot to Levi, he was a close friend to him and Commander Hange.
Before Erwin died, you knew Levi swore he would take down the beast titan, Zeke.
Who was from Marley,
Just like you.
And as if your lost into your own void of nothingness filled with nothing but despair about your very non-idle situation, you took one blade from your ODM gear.
˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚
{ Levi's POV }
(y/n) suddenly approached the Captain whilst holding a blade from her ODM gear which she found was placed across the room a minute ago.
"Captain... please just punish me now... please just end me now..." (y/n) says, her tone devoid of any emotions, only subtle coldness lacing it as she was passing the ODM blade to Levi
He looked at her, his narrowed eyes slightly widens, like it was about to bulge out of his skull.
He had a stunned expression written all over his face.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" He asked, while looking at her, the way he saw her eyes that almost lost the light of hope.
Levi felt something stir in him, it was something foreign to him but at that moment he felt panic, and a feeling of failure.
Failure that he wasn't able to do anything to prevent his partner who was pregnant with his child escape such feelings.
"I know you hate me... I'll always be a traitor in your eyes... even if I- if I try my best to prove my loyalty to you..." (y/n) said in a shaky and downhearted voice as her gaze locks with Levi's gray orbs.
"How did it get to this? wasn't I showing her enough attention and care?" Levi thought to himself as his gaze softens, conveying emotions he never knew existed in him.
Levi shifts his attention towards the growing bump on your belly, you were currently almost in your fourth mark of pregnancy, and Levi felt a storm of emotions starting to explode inside him as he stared at (y/n) who was still holding the ODM blade, pushing it slightly towards him.
He knew everything was probably to much for you.
The rumors, the insults, the blame.
And he wanted nothing more but to reach you with his warmth, pulling you out of the darkness you have secluded yourself into.
not only for your baby, but for your sake.
˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚
Levi accepts the ODM blade but throws it across the room, it made a loud sound as it made contact with the cold floor, enough to snap you out of your thoughts.
"No (y/n) fucking let go of that blade and those bullshit thoughts, look at me. I am not about to kill the mother of my child, do you understand!?"
Levi said sternly, and nothing can mend or break his words.
He then gently wrapped his arms around your body, his warmth enveloping you as a whole, a hint of light returns to your eyes as you realize and thought about what happened. that you reached the peak of bottling everything on your own.
"I'm here (y/n), stop going to a place where I can't reach you." He stated, his voice was soft and very gentle.
Tears started to fall from your eyes as a hint of light and sparkle returned to your orbs, you returned his embrace, and you feel him tighten his.
It was like he was protecting you, from your own thoughts, from your own fears.
That was when you realized he was there all along.
"Levi..." you called out to him, this time without formalities, just his name.
"Yes, I'm here." Levi reassured and stated once more with a firm yet gentle tone.
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Taglist: @levislegislation @dontfollowab @3llawrit3s @levitonin @crescentmoontsuki @la1225 @yumii-34 @galactict3a
Hi everyone! I'm sorry if these took a long time since I was occupied by a few law exams since it is my major in college ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა
Now that its done, I can finally go back to writing again, I already have a draft for Concurrence V,
I do hope you enjoy this part of Concurrence! And if you want to join the taglist for this and my otherworks, please do tell me ♡
I also want to thank everyone for supporting this series, it means a lot to me ♡ ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১
- Cinna
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insanermin · 3 months
Text
and still i answer your call when she doesn't answer at all
pairing: ellie x fem!reader
warnings: toxic relationship, no nsfw, mentions of vomit, reader is stupid, soft ellie, curse words, not proof read, will never proof read im so sorry
word count: 1,3k
summary: you find yourself at ellie's place again after you fought with your girlfriend, not a first. or; you don't realise that ellie has loved you for a long time now.
it's probably past midnight but nothing matters anymore. blurred vision, narrow path, broken streetlights. thoughts fleet your mind as cars drive past, your heartbeat picking up the pace.
why on earth were you in a relationship when all you did was fight, get insulted and humiliated?
for god's sake, this is the third time this month you walked down this road, sobbing. your screen lights up, the brightness gives you a headache after all this crying. you ignore it, because you feel like your bones would give up any second if you chose to concentrate on something else.
pacing through her living room, ellie checks her phone twice, even thrice, but no new message yet.
'need me to come pick you up?' delivered.
just about when she made up her mind to get dressed and pick you up, the door rings. sighing in relieve, ellie opens the door, while taking a look back, making sure everything's in place. blanket on couch? check. water and snacks? plenty. tissues? ready to be used. she hears the heavy footsteps that belong to none other than you, nervousness starts to creep up on the nape of her neck. even though you've been friends for a year or two, ellie can't help but feel nervous around you and she'd never been able to ignore it. and there you are, mascara smudged, flushed cheeks and a red nose. but it wasn't the only redness ellie was concerned about. her eyes wander down to the bouquet of red roses your holding upside down.
oh, someone fucked up big time, ellie thinks to herself.
but before anything, she pulls you into a hug, mumbling a 'you okay?' into your hair. it's ridiculous how she could still ask this while seeing your swollen from crying face, but you still shake your head. however, you know that she cares immensely about you, otherwise you wouldn't be at her place at 2 am. her arms are no longer around you and she takes the bouquet from your hand and puts it on a coffee table. you take off your jacket, throw it to your left while you let yourself sink into the couch. ellie has watched your every step carefully, she's scared you might faint right in front of her because you've lost all colour in your face. a lot of time has passed sitting in silence, until ellie decides to speak up. she seems to hesitate, her eyebrows furrowed.
"so, what happened today?" she asks carefully, placing her hand on your thigh. you look at her hand placement, then at her. the way she looks at you makes you wish that your girlfriend ever looked at you like this, with so much care. you take a deep breath, then decide it's best to tell your friend what happened.
"i told her she should stop talking to her ex, i saw her ex text her 'i miss you' the other day," you say, feeling your tears swell up. ellie returns a soft 'mhm' signalising that she's listening.
"and then today, she bought me these flowers to apologise, but when she apologised, she fucking said her name instead of mine," you watch ellie gasp in shock, passing you some tissues as tears start to stream down your face.
"then we argued, she said she can't help but think about her, i told her i'd leave and then she started to insult me, threatened me even and i couldn't take it anymore," you spare ellie the details because you don't want her to worry too much, you know that she worries a lot about you.
ellie looks at you, pours in some water for you, all in silence. it confuses you because usually, she'd be much more talkative but today, something is different about her. if you weren't so upset about your own situation you would've asked, however you don't have the strength.
you drink some water, put it back on the table and as soon as your hands were free, ellie pulls you back and lays your head on her chest. you've needed this. you needed some comfort, comfort your girlfriend couldn't give you. you feel ellie's chest rise as she sighs.
"fuck, you don't even like roses..." she mutters disappointed, which surprises you. how did she know? when did you tell her? but her stroking your head seems to make you forget everything, objectively speaking, her big and rough hands had a nice feeling to them, they make you feel protected. you're in no position though to think about this, ellie is just a friend and you're in a relationship. and only now you realise that ellie has prepared all your favorite snacks, ready to be eaten just for you. how often have you been here? you know that ellie hates all of them, but still, they're here just for you. this isn't good, you need to stop thinking, you need this silence to end.
"want to watch something?" you ask, ellie nods. she picks up the tv remote, turns the tv on and stands up. you look at her confused, she holds out her hand, telling you to wait. you sit back, watching her silhouette. has her body always looked this good? you can appreciate when someone's attractive, so this means nothing. she squats in front of the tv, searching through the mini tv cabinet. a triumphant 'aha!' emerges from the front, ellie turns around to you, holding madagascar 2. you honestly don't feel like laughing at all, but you can't help but giggle a little.
"what the fuck, why do you have this?" you question, squinting your eyes to check if it's really that what you think it is.
"we talked about it once—" she's back to squatting, putting the dvd in,
"—and you said you really liked this movie back then—" ellie comes back to the couch, looking up to her sure is an interesting view. objectively speaking.
"—so last week i was on a flea market and saw they had this movie, it made me think of you," ellie says, her arm around you again, pulling you close to her. two things: why are her arms so big and she thought of you?
"wish my girlfriend was a little more like you," you say while leaning your head against her shoulder. a little more like her. for fuck's sake, ellie doesn't know how much longer she can do this. watch you suffer, watch you cry, watch you completely look the other way. you haven't left ellie's mind ever the two of you started talking. at first she thought she was just excited to have a new friend, but the more often you laid in her arms, the more her feelings grew. and she hated to see you hurt like this, when she knew that you could have her. it doesn't even stop there, because how come you wish for your girlfriend to be like her when she is literally there? how come you see all the things she does for you, but never questioned its intentions? fuck, she'd never make you cry or leave her place in the middle of the night, she'd talk it through, she would...
but what are would have's when ellie knows your blinded by the way you're hurting, you'd never see ellie the way she sees you. she'd stop the world for you but until you realise that the world would start spinning again. fuck your girlfriend, she didn't even know you hated roses, she doesn't know you the way ellie does. in fact, fuck her so much, because the last time she made you cry, you started puking and ellie was there the whole time, held your hair up, rubbed your back, washed your face, carried you back to her bed, made you some tea and even tucked you in bed. if she only could speak the way her actions do, her pouring her heart out would've been long overdue.
"i'd treat you so much better than her..." ellie whispers into your hair, but you've fallen asleep in her arms long ago.
a/n: sorry it took me so long to post, also BRYSON TILLER WILL BE ON TOUR OH MY GOD all credits to bryson tiller when i listen to his songs i think about ellie <333 anyway inspo was 'no longer friends' bryson tiller.
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Text
𝐍𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 • 𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐚𝐦
Summary: Can you write a fic about reader and Jude angst (like heavyyyy angst yk?) and then the reader and Jude are not on speaking terms anymore but something about the reader’s past happens and she doesn’t know where to go but to Jude and at first he’s shocked to see her at his doorstep but he lets her in and at first it’s awkward word exchanges but Jude notices her holding her tears back and tries asks her what’s wrong and she’s just like “it just hurts, so bad” and then fluff and then they get back together and just pure fluff-heavy on the angst(lmao I’m on my period can you tell)
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Genre: angst, fluff
Warning: dad issues, break up, ex Jude
Pairing: Jude Bellingham x f reader
Word count: 1k
Author note: I honestly don't know what this is but oh well
Jude Bellingham Masterlist right here
Enjoy
--
Your relationship with Jude ended abruptly. You don’t know how it happened so fast. One minute you were talking, the next you were packing your bags with tears in your eyes.
That was 3 weeks ago and you still haven’t recovered from it. Jude clouded your memory like a plague. You been with him for so long before it all ended he just became apart of you. You loved him so much but unfortunately you had to let him go.
--
You sat in your apartment, TV on, but you weren’t even paying attention to it. You were stuck in your thoughts until your phone rung.
It was a call from your dad. You haven’t talked to him in years. The last time you did he gaslighted you and then abandoned you. What did he want after these many years?
“Hello?”
Your dad’s booming voice came on the other end of the phone making you cringe. He began to explain how he had found someone and how he was about to marry her after getting her pregnant. You pity the unknown woman and child who has to suffer his mental abuse.
“Why are you calling and telling me this?” you asked stopping his rambling. Your dad paused for a second before speaking.
“out of all people I thought you would be the happiest for me.”
You scoffed, laughing at his stupidity. “happy for you? After you emotionally abused me, treated me and my mom like shit and left us when we finally stood up for ourselves? I’m not going to be fucking happy for you. I feel pity for that child who has to grow up with you.”
A brief silence went by before your dad’s voice echoed through the phone. Anger laced in his voice as he spoke.
Lots of disgusting words flowed from his mouth. “I hate you” “you were a mistake I wish you were never born. “ “I hope you die.”
You wish you didn’t take any of it to heart, but you did. You always do.
After a bit you ended the call, no longer wanting to hear his insults thrown daggers at you.
You threw your phone at the end of the couch and groaned. You ran your hands down your face.
You hated him so bad it made you feel physically ill.
You didn’t notice you were crying when you pulled your hand away from your face but you were. You guess all the old memories flooded your brain and made you remember how horrible of a person he truly was.
--
You don’t know how you made it to Jude’s doorstep. Jude always knew how bad your relationship with your dad was and he was always there for you when you were dating.
You knocked on the door softly. The tears that were on your face were wiped away as you waited for the door to open.
The door swung open revealing Jude. He looked exhausted just like you were. He was taking the breakup hard.
“y/n, why are you hear? Did you forget something?” Jude eyebrows knitted until he was the tears streaming down your face. “love, what happened?”
He pulled you into the house and looked at you. His expression was dripping concern. He hates seeing you cry.
“sweetheart tell me what happened.”
You told Jude everything through your tears. Jude listened, wiping every year that fell from your eyes. He felt so much hatred for your dad for making you cry. He hated seeing you like this.
When you finished telling him everything, Jude pulled you into his arms and let you cry into his chest as he whispered how you didn’t deserve any of that.
When you finally calmed down you pulled away from Jude. “I’m sorry.” You pulled all the way from Jude and sat beside him on the couch.
“You don’t need to be apologizing. I told you I will always be here when you needed me remember?”
You remembered the night you and Jude broke up with each other. Tears in your eyes as you had your bags packed and ready to go. Before you could walk out of Jude’s place, he stopped you.
“y/n I know we’re not together, but just know I’m always going to be here for you ok?”
You avoided his eyes and nod. You knew if you looked at him you’d start crying. “I know Jude.”
“I remember.” You sigh. “it just hurts so bad.”
“lets stop thinking about him.” Jude got up from the couch making you look up at him.
“he doesn’t deserve your energy. Let’s do something else. Let’s watch a movie or something. We can watch princess diaries. I promise I won’t cringe.”
You laughed for the first time that night. It made Jude smile at his accomplishment.
Jude popped some popcorn and put on the movie for you both to watch. You leaned your head up against his shoulder and rested it there while your eyes stayed on the TV.
You were so close to Jude. Even though it was something you experienced so often before, it felt odd knowing you both weren’t together anymore.
You pulled away from Jude.
“what’s wrong?” he asked you, his whole body shifting to you.
“Jude, do you really want to be broken up?”
Jude exhaled. You watched as he turned away from you, paused briefly then shaking his head.
“no. To be honest I’ve been taking these past few weeks without you horribly.”
He took your hands in his. Your skin tingled at the contact.
“I don’t want to be apart from you. You’re the best part of my life. Our argument was stupid and it shouldn’t have broken us up.”
“you wanna know something?” you whisper to Jude. His eyebrows lifted so you continued. “I don’t even remember what the argument was about.”
Jude smiled at you. “don’t worry about it.” Jude brought his face close to yours. “Let’s start off on a clean slate. How does that sound?”
You looked up into his brown eyes. “I like the sound of that.”
Jude closed the gap between the two of you, kissing you for the first time in what felt like forever.
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milaisreading · 11 months
Text
Exes
Author: I wrote this while I was taking a break from studying, so I thought, why not post it as a 1k special! Hope u all like it
Warning: None in particular(?) Some insults are thrown here and there. Y/n uses she/her
⚽️Blue lock belongs to:Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura⚽️
"Let's break up." (Y/n)'s eyes widened in surprise as she stared at the boy across the table. This wasn't what she expected to happen on Valentine's day of all times. Both her and her boyfriend were at a café near their school, having a cliché date that (Y/n) really enjoyed so far. The food was nice, the weather was great and overall she enjoyed her time with her boyfriend, but as she came to realize she was the only one who was having a nice time. She put her fork down and nervously gulped, her appetite for the cake already gone.
"Ehm... are you serious, (Ex/n)?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Well... I thought that our relationship was doing well and... a break up was the last thing on my mind." (Y/n) laughed nervously as the boy took a deep breath.
"You can't use that brain as usually."
"What-"
"You don't think. I gave you so many passes in the past how your behavior is embarrassing. I mean, you are so loud and eat way too much, it's weird." (Y/n) gulped down a sob as the boy fixed his glasses and continued speaking.
"You should be lucky anyone lasted this long with you. Let's just end this now and never interact again, unless it's school related."
"Alright..." (Y/n) said quietly, not wanting to cause any scene in the café.
"(Y/n)... (Y/n)!" The girl jumped up at the sound of Anri's voice and she shook her head, looking over at the concerned woman.
"Sorry Teieri-san, I for lost in my thoughts." (Y/n) said sheepishly as Anri slowly nodded her head.
"I can see that, but are you alright? You have been zoning out a lot lately."
"Yeah, don't worry. I was just thinking of someone." (Y/n) admitted as they continued walk towards Ego's office. The woman looked at the younger for a moment before smirking and nudging her.
"A boy back home?" Anri teased and (Y/n) smiled sadly, a little down over the recent memory she had of him.
"Ah... you could say that..."
"You don't seem all too happy about him. Did something happen?" Anri raised her eyebrow as (Y/n) looked around nervously before slowly nodding her head. Truth is, she never really told anyone about the break up. Her brother and dad wouldn't be of much help of they heard what he told her, and Isabella would have definitely told her brother, so she just kept everything to herself. Why did she even remember him? Was it the nervousness before the match against Japan's national team? She didn't know, but the memories were anything but pleasant.
"Kinda... we had a bad break up." (Y/n) gave Anri a strained smile.
"You can always talk to me. I know a thing or two about break-ups." The woman said, patting the girl's back. Something in her words hit (Y/n) pretty hard and she started sobbing when the memories started hitting her again.
'This is pathetic...' She thought as Anri started calming her down while pulling her into a hug.
"Shhh... let's go and make some tea, you can tell me what happened if that will help. What do you say?" Anri asked quietly as (Y/n) nodded her head.
"Thank you..."
What neither of the 2 noticed was three pairs of eyes watching them like hawks as their figures started growing farther and farther away.
"Did I hear that correctly? Some nobody caused (Y/n) this much distress?" Karasu grinned maniacally as he clenched his fists.
"I don't know who that asshole thinks he is, but he definitely isn't worth those tears." Yukimiya mused, wondering how he can figure out the guy's identity.
"Murder is legal, right?" Otoya questioned as he looked at his two friends.
"It is, if you plan it correctly." Karasu's grin widened while Yukimiya readjusted his glasses.
"Let's go and inform the rest about this. Maybe Reo can hire someone."
"Ha? (Y/n) had a boyfriend?" Gagamaru asked as Yukimiya finished repeating what he and his two friends heard. Bachira was twitching next to him and some could swear they saw a shadow fall over him.
"Well, I did expect (Y/n) to have been popular with guys... she is so sweet and thoughtful after all." Isagi said with a smile as he thought of their manager, trying to surpass the jealousy in the process.
"Can't believe some guy got to her before I did... well, thankfully he is an ex now." Niko mused as Hiori and Kurona nodded in agreement.
"The guy fumbled so bad, if I was him I would have never let her go." Hiori said as Kurona turned his attention to Karasu.
"There is something you 3 aren't telling us. Spit it out." The boy said, curious about the menacing looks the three had.
"Yeah, while I understand you 3 being jealous, there is something off about the way you guys are acting." Chigiri chimed in.
"Ohh... you guys want to know?" Otoya raised an eyebrow.
"Yes we do. Quite obviously it's something important when Karasu nearly broke his water bottle." Barou sighed, pointing at the bent item.
"Well, that asshole not only broke up with her, but he seemed to have done something worse." Otoya said as he cracked his knuckles.
"And waht would that be?" Aryu asked as the room fell silent, everyone looking at the trio in anticipation and bloodlust.
"We don't know yet, but it was quite bad when she broke down in tears. I will give him a punch for every tear he caused." Karasu grumbled as the rest froze at the statement. Sure, they saw (Y/n) upset at times, but crying? Never, and it was something they never wanted to happen. But alas it did, and they needed to get revenge.
"Did you get the name of the asshole?" Rin asked as he was shaking in rage.
"Sadly no, otherwise you guys would be 3 players short." Yukimiya answered as calmly as possible.
"Ne~ Reo, can you somehow figure the bastard's name out?" Nagi groaned as he pulled on the shirt of an equally pissed of Reo. The boy tsked, if only he had his phone.
"Can you make murder legal?" Bachira chimed in, ready to let his rage out on the unknown boy.
"I will try my best, that bastard lost such a treasure and treated her poorly too." The purple-haired boy groaned.
The day of the big game came and everyone at Blue Lock was beyond nervous and excited, this game will decide everything. The stadium was filled with fans and families, who came to cheer the players on. While the Blue Lock players were getting pep talks from their families, (Y/n) was smiling in fondness at them. Niko just stood silently next to her, looking around the place. As (Y/n) turned her attention to the rest of the stadium, she froze when she saw 3 familiar figures.
'Nooo! What is he doing here?! And why are my friends with him?!' (Y/n) gulped as she saw two of her high school friends talking happily with her ex. A sense of betrayal hit her and Niko tensed up at the shift of her mood.
"Are you alright?" The blue-eyed boy asked as (Y/n) slowly nodded her head, laughing nervously.
"Yeah... it's just that I saw someone I didn't expect." (Y/n) said, trying to pull Niko towards the rest of the team, hoping the trio didn't notice her.
"Hey! (Y/n)!!!" The girl flinched as both her and Niko turned to look at a brown haired girl as the blonde next to her waved her hand.
"Ahh! You two are here, too?!" The girl said nervously, letting go of Niko, who observed the trio in wonder.
"Not just us, (Ex/n) is here too! Romantic, right?!" The boy readjusted his glasses and nervously waved at her.
"You know them?" Niko asked and (Y/n) nodded her head.
"Yeah, those two girls are my friends from school."
"And the dude?"
"Oh... we used to date for a short while. I wonder why he is here..." (Y/n) said absent-mindedly as Niko's eyes widened and slowly narrowed, making a mental note of his face.
'That... that dude made (Y/n) cry? The audacity!'
"What took you so long?" Isagi asked as Niko walked into the locker room.
"Yeah, you were pretty cozy out there." Reo rolled his eyes.
"Shut it. I figured out who the trash is." Niko said. Gagamaru raised an eyebrow at the answer and Bachira tilted his head.
"What trash?"
"The guy who broke up and made (Y/n) cry. Literally the lowest form of life for not only that, but also in looks." Niko cringed as Chigiri spit out his water.
"Where is he?! Will I be able to kick a ball in his face?" The redhead asked as Rin shook Niko a few times.
"Why didn't you call us over sooner? I would have thought that trash a lesson or two."
"I would have killed him, to be quite honest with you." Kurona chimed in. Hiori and Aryu held Karasu and Barou back from barging out of the room to search for the guy. They didn't want to upset (Y/n) before the game, now after... after they will turn a blind eye to whatever they decide to do.
"That ugly piece of shit." Nagi muttered.
"Let's just win this game, and after we can worry about him." Otoya suggested, holding back his own anger.
"And what do you suggest we do with him?" Gagamaru wondered, but instead Yukimiya answered instead.
"Easy, we will let Barou, Nagi, Karasu, Rin, Aryu and you handle him. The rest of us will keep (Y/n) away in case she wants to look for him."
"What?! I want to hit him!" Bachira protested.
"We all want to, but we can't just leave (Y/n) all alone, she will grow suspicious." Isagi interjected, more interested in her well-being than in the guy right now.
"And besides, the height of them will be enough to scare him off." Niko added in.
"He is short?" Reo asked.
"Yep. (Y/n) did charity work there." The black-haired boy nodded.
After the game had ended (Y/n) was sent out to get some extra towels and a few other things. The euphoria of the boys winning made her a little bit unaware of her space, so she didn't notice the team watching as she left, nor did she notice her ex running right after her till it was too late.
"(Y/n)! Wait!" The girl froze on the spot and slowly turned around to look at the boy.
"Oh... (Ex/n)... did you need something?" (Y/n) asked nervously, backing away little by little.
"I... I wanted to talk with you. The last time we really spoke..."
"You broke up and insulted me." (Y/n) finished for him, a mix of sadness and anger bubbling up in her.
"Was it really insulting if I said the truth?" The boy raised his eyebrow as the girl clenched her fists.
"Yes, yes it is. You had nor right to tell me all those things, a simple break up would have been enough. Especially when the things I did were normal and not bothering anyone. Please just leave me alone." (Y/n) glared at the boy, who was pretty surprised at her response.
"So Blue Lock taught you how to speak-"
"And you weren't taught any manners." (Y/n)'s eyes widened in surprise as she saw Karasu and Nagi grab the boy's shoulders.
"What are you two doing here?" (Y/n) raised her eyebrow, surprised they left the group.
"We wanted to see where you are. Chigiri needs help." Aryu added, making his presence known.
"Chigiri?"
"Yeah! Come on! I will bring you to him!" Bachira's voice was heard as he ran to where (Y/n) was grabbing the girl's arm.
"Bachira-"
"Let's go!" The brunette cheered, sending a menacing smile towards the shaken up boy and dragged her away. Once out of eyes and ears shot, Rin, Gagamaru and Barou made their presence known and sent the boy death stares.
"So, care to repeat what you told (Y/n) on the day you broke up with her?" Nagi said coldly.
"You can do it civilly or we can force you to say it." Rin added in. The ex gulped as the taller boys sent daggers his way.
"Spit it out, dumbass." Barou demanded.
"Shouldn't we wait for the rest?" (Y/n) questioned Bachira as his hold on her arm tightened.
"Nah~ they will join us soon, anyways!"
552 notes · View notes
un-lawliet · 6 months
Text
“Unspoken”
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— in which Dazai’s kiss contradicts his words.
(or reader tries to move on, fails and Dazai picks up the pieces)
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Shin Nakatani was nothing like Osamu Dazai, you concluded.
Perhaps that’s why you were sat in the corner of some grubby bar, listening to his proclamations of self acclaimed greatness whilst you sipped at a (now bitter) beer, refusing to make eye contact with the man.
Osamu Dazai, never spoke about himself, sacrificing a genuine exploration of his true thoughts and feelings for charming smiles tainted with an overdramatic flair.
By comparison, you think, you’d much prefer the empty conversations you had with Dazai, over the overbearing false confidence oozing from the man beside you.
His mouth moved in a manner that did not wait for you to divulge. Unrelenting, flapping jaws reminding you of how lucky you were that such a “tired looking woman” was so “endearing enough” for him to give you a chance.
You don’t even know what that means, eyebrows furrowed as you processed the insult, hating how you silently relished in the honesty of his voice.
At least you were talking to someone who did not hide true intentions behind confusing actions and unsaid truths.
You bite the inside of your mouth, and embrace the seething sting of pain, punishing yourself for your constant comparison.
You were not here to think about Dazai, you were here to move on, to avoid the constant, overbearing ache in your chest that came with acceptance that Dazai, could never reciprocate your unspoken feelings.
And so you shuffled in your battered bar stool, the creaking below forcing you out of your thoughts and back to the lost conversation.
The bars light was dim, hollowing out the faces of all those who sat within its dullness, shadows chasing out the warmth and leaving seemingly lifeless, drunk husks of people.
“…And of course one should ask where I get the time to balance both work and steady relationships.”
“Uh huh..”
“And I would tell the fool who asks the same thing I’ll tell you…I do it by combining the two!”
“Yea?”
“To me, relationships are like business, both transactional, both just as give or take as the other.”
You awkwardly look up at him, he winks and you feel sick.
“Of course.” You offer, wishing you could bite your tongue of instead of agreeing blindly to his vulgar beliefs.
He continues in his crudeness, and you glance at your phone, staring at the time.
00:37
You want to go home.
Clearing your throat, you fold in on yourself when he pauses mid sentence to look you in the eye, his brow inclining.
“It’s um late, I have work in the morning…” You trail off and inwardly die when a flicker of exasperation dances in the movement in his changing expression.
“Would you mind walking me to the train station?” You scramble, trying to save yourself from the awkward stillness that follows.
He nods and you both move to leave, he walks in front of you and you watch the back of his head as he continues to talk.
He has a mole on his neck, it peeks out at you from behind the collar of his shirt, you count the freckles behind his ear and wonder if he even knew they were there.
In your opinion, Yokohama was beautiful at night.
More lively. Cluttered with different people doing different things, every passing face appeared more open when followed by moonlight.
The streets lined themselves with opposing humans with different names and contrasting history’s, and yet, they all looked the same when shadowed.
You’re nearing the train station, although you knew there would be no train waiting for you past Midnight, Nakatani, in all his drunken glory, did not seem to realise this, instead he had slowed his pace, allowing you to keep pace with his wide strides. A prologue to a goodbye.
A woman bumps into you pushing you towards your date, he laughs, the sound vibrates brazenly in your ears and you smile because you don’t know what else to do.
“Can I kiss you?” He’s saying, holding your shoulder, “As a reward for a long journey.”
You want to remark that the walk only took five minutes, the time on your phone reading 00:42, but you don’t.
Instead you nod and turn to him, watching as his rosy gloating face gets closer to your own.
.
.
.
There’s a horrible tongue in your mouth.
It curls around and smooths the underside of your teeth, mapping out the area of your gums and you cringe, your nose scrunching.
He tastes of cheap liquor and cigarettes, you feel yourself dizzying from past nicotine breathing down your throat, burning your lungs as you inhale him.
Your choke and step away, wiping your wet lips as you do, recoiling in the after taste, spluttering out fake broken apologies.
“I just remembered..” You hesitate grasping for words that appear to be stuck in your raw throat, “I can’t kiss you.”
“Excuse me?” He replies, you see his broken ego in the darkening of his eyes as he names you a bitch and looks you up and down.
“I’m sorry Nakatani, that was a horrible kiss.” You state, words falling out of your vile tasting mouth, the alcohol on your breath forgetting to filter kindness into your speech. “I um… can’t kiss you.”
“Well your not too nice to kiss either, don’t think this was anything more than charity work.” He hisses back, teeth bared. You think he looks like a dog.
“Then, you should consider better ways to help charity, Mr Nakatani.” You breathe, unable to add enough insult into your voice. Your stuttering, shame ploughing it’s way through your body, you want to throw up.
He’s cursing at you, face flushed with alcohol and embarrassment, and then he’s turning and walking away, he sways with the whisper of the wind and you suddenly feel quite drunk yourself.
It surges and you gag, turning to face the crumbling wall beside you, shaky hands clamping over your mouth as you relive the kiss only moments prior.
You feel sick, you want to go home.
There’s a street light beside you, it flickers when you sit against it, eyes staring out into the docks Yokohama, the sea, a black pool before you.
The waves carry the moon as they crash amongst each other, ripples of reflection morphing to produce a white highlighted stream, stopping the merging of a black sky and sea.
You rub a hand over your face, letting the skin under your eyes drag downwards before you let your hand fall to rest on the ground.
There’s no stars, it must be cloudy tonight.
Shin Nakatani was nothing like Osamu Dazai. Perhaps that why you’re now alone, sitting on a wet footpath, in the crux of a cloudy, cold night, thinking about him instead.
You sigh, and watch as your breath materialises into smoke before you, fading into the darkened dusk, carried by a breeze of which you could not seem to feel.
Your superficial affection for Dazai may not be built upon the foundations of shared interest, but God was it a hard wall to knock down.
You just can’t seem to move on from the man, despite his every action being one that pushed you away again and again.
You brush a tiny spider from your thigh, you don’t see where it lands, eyes too focused on the bitten nails found on the tips of your cool fingers.
“Excuse me! The pretty lady on the ground!”
You seem freeze, your head falling backwards to hit the street lamp behind you.
Of course he would find you like this, huddled pathetically on the side of a road wallowing in self pity.
He stops just in-front of you, bending down to look you in your eye, an grin plastered across his face, you almost huff at the irony of his appearance.
“Hello Dazai.” You mumble, blinking up at him, weak light reflects off his features, b across the stretched apples of his cheeks making it appear like he’s glowing.
“You’re on the ground.” He muses, standing upright, looking down on you, a view he much preferred.
You don’t reply, choosing instead to simply look away, ignoring the palpitations of your heart. Vulnerability silencing your words as you swallow the remnants of your horrible, horrible kiss.
Dazai looks at you, his eyes moving across your painted face, glancing sideways to an empty street, solidifying your aloneness, his expression morphs into one of acute understanding before it vanishes in the execution of a trained smile.
You don’t see his smile, but you take his momentary silence as one of accurate assessment.
You think his quietness is more deadly than his usual entourage of sharp one liners that encase each conversation shared with him.
You wipe your mouth again.
“..I’m on the ground.” You conclude, stretching your legs in-front of you, eyes remaining on the scuffed tips of your battered shoes. “I’m um just sitting to catch my breath Dazai, you can..you can leave, you don’t need to stay.” Your words come out whispered, and you think they sound cruel when you taste them on your tongue.
“But your gloom is so blatant my dear!” The man before you guffaws, his volume far exceeding your own, “How could a gentleman like myself leave you here to rot in your own misery!”
You glance up at him and he’s clutching his heart through the layers of his coat, head raised in a substantial showing of himself.
You rub your eyes, you feel the makeup on your lashes smudge.“You’re giving me a headache.”
“How cruel of you to say!”
“Dazai.”
“Hm?”
“Please, go away.”
He’s smiling, he’s smiling at your words and you want to rip your eyes out as an atonement for ever believing you could see “authenticity” in his grin.
You’re tired, and Dazai knows, he knows everything. You’re sick of his unspoken understanding.
You hear a wave crash along the far side of a ship, it crashes into a dock and vibrates the ground on which you sat.
It’s bitterly cold, your teeth chatter in your jaws, you clamp them shut, and look away again.
“I’m assuming it was a date then?” Dazai’s watching you closer now, eyes flitting across the slight tremor in your lip as you nod.
“Leaving a beautiful woman by herself in the dark, he mustn’t have been that interesting.”
“He said I looked tired”
“You do.” His voice sounds strangely empty, the blank sky above you holding more substance, the crinkle of his eyes seems forced now, as if struck by realisation.
You don’t know what to say, so you resort to saying nothing, focusing on the blinking of your eyes, and the rise and fall of your chest. Dazai watches as you breathe.
The hands in his pockets are tainted red across the knuckles, his finger tips too. Bandages seemingly useless in combating the perils of an approaching winter, Dazai doesn’t mind.
He joins you in your silence as he steps towards you and kneels down, shoes scrapping across the hard ground, it looks like he’s falling to his knees.
“You’re stuck in self pity.” He states, his voice sounds bored, eyes narrowed. Embarrassment clings to the curve of your waist and trails it’s way up to your face, you blink and look towards the source.
His nose is slightly reddened, but his expression does not falter, does not reveal any rhyme or reason, nor a motive to why he’s not leaving.
You try to dissect his thoughts in your mind, cutting him open and trying to stare through the black pools of his eyes to try reach the core.
Instead you find you can’t, there’s a steel wall preventing you from prying, you grow frustrated and Dazai just watches.
“Self pity is a nightmare.” You almost think he whispers it.
You want to reach out and touch his face, follow the curve of his lips right up the hair framing his hollowed face.
“Can..can I hold your hand?” Your timid, pathetic, needing to be held to stabilise yourself, how did you get so weak.
There’s a pause, Dazai stiffens, it’s just barely noticeable but you see it, you’ve caught him off guard with your boldness.
Dressed up to impress another man and yet, it’s him you ask to cling to in the blackened equidistant of the night.
Slowly, as if approaching prey, Dazai lifts his hand out of his pocket, his eyes never leaving your face as he presents his hand.
You grasp it, hold it.
You think the ground would be more pleasing to touch.
It’s obvious he’s uncomfortable, he can’t push you away when you’ve captured him like this, but for the sake of the expanding the mask he’s crafted after years of desolate numbness, he says nothing about the way your hand tightens around his.
“And what would your date say about this hm? Do you usually hold the hands on another after being with another man?” He muses, you think his smile looks cold.
“It’s not a habit.” You mumble, your thumb tracing the line where his bandages end; they’re new, the implications make you feel sick.
The ground where his knee sits digs into his flesh, stones pressing into the skin of his knee, but he does not move, he’s almost statuesque.
You frown, at him, the reasoning behind his words falling onto your ears. “Don’t judge me Dazai.” You mutter, words sounding far more harsh when spoken out-loud.
“I wasn’t.” It’s simple.
Dazai’s quiet when he lies, at least you can walk away having learned something new about the man who holds your hand but drops your heart.
“I-I’m just sad.” Your shoulder deflate, his hand tighten around yours for a split second, you think you imagined it.
“Then.” He starts, dullness oozing out of his voice, “If you’re so miserable why not join me in a double suicide, I’m sure it would be far more romantic than this.” He removes his hand from yours and stands, forcing his hand back into his pocket, you miss how he flexes it, as if holding back a truth he cannot speak.
His smile is ugly, so ugly that it’s pushing you away, forcing your head to look the other way, to not watch the man hiding his inner downfall infront if you. Dazai’s eye twitches, and his mask cracks for a moment.
A building nearby turns its lights off, you see the silhouettes of two people, working the closing shift, they laugh as they pull down the shudders before the door, and turn to walk together, in the opposite direction, none the wiser to the two people sat watching them from afar.
“Don’t do that Dazai.” You start, your clawing onto the remains of an awkward conversation, trying to force it back to life, ignoring how his words made your heart stop in the hollowed captivity of your chest. “Please, not now.”
Your begging he realises, begging for a true moment with him.
But he won’t give you that, to think otherwise is foolish.
However, as he watches your trembling figure, foolish is the only way he can describe you. The grotesque smile falls from his face and onto the dirty ground of which he stands and you sit.
“Struck a nerve?” Dazai queries, he sounds bored again, you hate yourself.
“Sorry, sorry.” You repeat, eyes swimming with poorly expressed expression. “I’m just..selfish and lonely tonight.” You’re confessing, as if he himself is a God, nihilism forgotten in the shaking of your voice.
“I just wanted to feel connected with someone without having to beg for it”
The meaning of your words crumbles in the silence that follows, dancing across the distance between the pair of you, from your mouth to his ear.
“Ah.” A soft smile of understanding crosses his features, you jump when he turns on his heel, “Then I am not suited for his conversation.”
“I’ll call Kunikida, he’s more inclined for situations like this than I.” He’s walking, he’s walking and you’re watching and you feel yourself rip at the seams, you need to know if there’s a chance, a chance he might care. You fight the will to keep yourself composed and your desperation comes out triumphant.
You’re stupid, he knows of your affections, yet he leaves every-time.
“I kissed him.”
The air melts into a bitter, silent breeze, you fear you might have just pushed a boundary, reaching forward with your eyes closed, crossing a line you could not see.
Dazai stops.
He doesn’t know why he stops.
He does not care for your love, he does not reciprocate, he refuses to. You don’t know him, your love is not his to accept, it acts as a maladaptive pining for a man, a human, for which he cannot claim, less he wear a fake suit presenting as himself.
And yet, you kissed another man, and the chilly motions of the wind blowing across his stagnant face whisper to him that he’s bothered by this, blowing into his ear, mocking him for being, despite everything; as humanly selfish as you.
Perhaps he’s bothered by your lack of self-respect, kissing a man you were so clearly uninterested in in your vain search for connection, but he turns and looks at you, and feels in his soul, that he’s lying to himself.
It’s a realisation that leaves him as bitter as the atmosphere encasing the pair of you.
“And?” He speaks as if it’s a secret, as if him prying was a sin, and he omnipotent.
“It wasn’t you.”
The small movement of his head betrays how much he wants to look away, forcing himself to stare you out, to intimidate you into walking away.
You’re brave tonight, he thinks.
“I don’t hate you Osamu.” You breathe.
You can’t breathe, too preoccupied with staring, truly staring at his face, wondering if maybe, just maybe, he would listen to you should you get to his level.
You stand up, he stays where he is.
“Are you expecting reciprocation?” He moves to checkmate, his voice heard like a warning, his eyes reading as empty.
You shake your head, and bite the skin on your lips.
“I just needed to know that you heard me.”
Dazai throws his head back and laughs, it fills the void of sea and sky and you shake at the cruel sound. To an outsider it may appear as if he’s brimming with joy, unable to hide its serene hold on him. But you’re too close to mistake his laughter as anything but uncomfortable.
“And tell me.” He breathes through his laughter, his hand placed on his stomach, “Did you hate him? Hate the kiss?”
Shame burns your cheeks, and you look to your shoes again as heat floods your face.
Your king was dead, you’d been defeated.
“It was like a slug in my mouth.” You muse.
Eventually he stops laughing, and your world returns to normal. Silent and unchanging, you count the intervals between the sounds of the waves.
Dazai is untouchable again. Everything is back to how it was.
“Shall I take you out drinking too then hm? Then I’ll kiss you properly and we shall never speak again.”
You don’t answer, thwarted by the maze of his twisted personality.
“Did you hear me?” He mocks, his smile sly, you want to rip it off his mendacious face.
He’s pushing you away, the distance between you extending far beyond your reach, you falter with the consequential loss of your friendship with Dazai.
You don’t know what to say, your words can’t create a bridge to combat the vehement river of “unsure’s, so instead you shake your head, arms moving up to embrace yourself.
Dazai is quiet when he lies, however he’s silent when he’s unsure.
And when you don’t respond he narrows honeyed eyes, an uncertainty you don’t see flickers across his pupils and fractures the disciplined facade of his character.
He’s pushing you away, and for once he feels hesitant.
He’s forced you away timelessly, but you’re still looking at him, with that foolish soft look in your eye. And Dazai wants to smudge it off your features and chastise you for regarding him in such a tender manner.
He says nothing, but raises his hand once more, presenting it you.
The street is empty, nobody but Dazai present to witness how your eyes widen and your head tilts, confused.
Your emotions bleed out onto your face, staining the crease of your eyes with hurt, your lips pouting in trepidation.
And you hold his hand in yours, it’s stiff, it’s awkward, but it’s an unspoken viaduct into his psyche, your heart soars.
“Despite everything..I really don’t hate you, you know?” You’re speaking dangerously again, pulling him towards you despite his childish resilience towards trust.
His hand tightens, you’re sure of it this time.
“Ask me.” He mumbles, pulling you closer, your feet nudge his, your nose almost touching his shirt when you look up at him. “Ask me to kiss you.”
“Osamu-” His face is half encased with shadow, the glow from the street light failing to fully show him to you. You breathe and he feels it on his chin.
You don’t understand, your stuck in parallel to his contradictions, frantically scanning for the root of his intention, hands balling into fists when you can’t find it amongst the fog.
His hand comes up and tilts your head upwards, leaning down towards you, your nose touching his as you bite your tongue.
Time slows, and you whisper, it comes out meek.
“Kiss me, please.”
It’s instantaneous to your request. His bottom lip brushes against yours, and he’s on you like fire to oil.
His hand spreads out against your cold cheek, pulling you closer, his middle finger finding rest on the lobe of your ear.
He kisses you as if he wants to. As if he’s making a sick point to the man who had previously stolen your breath within the same night.
He breathes you in, and you breathe him out.
You want him to swallow you whole, right there and then on the side of the street, hidden away from the rest of the world.
You almost cry when he pulls away, eyes glistening as you look at him once more.
His spit is on your lip and you query, “Was that a-”
“It was a kiss.” He doesn’t let you finish, pushing his palm into your cheek, watching as you let your head move gently with the force.
Your unspoken question dies in the removal of his hand, and is reborn when he doesn’t not walk away immediately, hands stuck back in tattered pockets as he smiles, and for a second, a split second you see him as a boy, with fear breaching the walls of his eyes.
It vanishes instantly, disappearing with the climaxing waves behind you.
You try to recall the genuine look in you mind, try to pinpoint the vulnerability you had seen for a moment, but you lose sight of it as he claps his hands.
“Now, the night is still young my dear, I must be off.” His personified joy hits you like a raindrop hits a petal, and you stare, as if in a daze as he steps back, away from you.
“Oh- ok?” You grasp at anything to say, anything to reassure you that everything was ok.
He smiles, and nudges your arm, you can’t tell if he’s being himself anymore.
He going, and your left with the sickly sense of hope swimming in your chest, drowning amongst your spoken affections.
“Safe home!” He calls, his voice light, revealing nothing, and leaving you with less.
There was nobody in the world like Osamu Dazai, and perhaps that’s why you turned and began to walk home, alone.
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masterlist <3
feel free to leave a request !
a/n: beep boop bop im tired- i hope this made sense, i just love the cruelty of dazais character <3 (can you tell) anyway reminder i love you and that you’re doing ok !!! ALSO shin nakatani was named using a random name generator i found on google and i think that’s very funny, my cat is sitting on my chest as i type this, it’s hard to write when you can’t move all that much :,)
310 notes · View notes
cleake · 5 months
Note
OMGGGGG can u do one where Draco has a crush on Gryffindor! Muggleborn!reader, but she’s a muggle born so he bullies her, so nobody finds out, and after one particular harsh insult, she breaks down and runs away and bumps into Harry (she’s besties w the golden trio) and he comforts her and they share a kiss, and the next day during breakfast, the whole school sees the pair walk in hand in hand, Hermione and Ron r teasing them and Draco is left feeling rlly guilty?
tysmmmmm
Hello, Hello
I enjoyed writing this (I’m working on other requests too, don’t worry :))
Warning: English is not my first language, please excuse any mistakes
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Draco didn’t like you, he despised you. At least he had to. How would it look, you, a muggleborn, being with him? A majestic pureblood? Absolutely no. What would his father think? What would the people think? What would The Dark Lord think? He’d be despised and disowned, that’s for sure. But he secretly wished and hoped that one day he could be lovely to you. He secretly wished and wanted to be kind to you, he secretly wanted to make you feel loved and cared for. But his job is to make you feel horrible, helpless, disgusting because of the horrendous blood that pumps in your veins. How tragic.
And this day was no different, Draco found you, cornered you with his words and that disappointed, disapproving scowl on his face. 
„There you are, you filthy mudblood. Oh, how I was not looking forward to seeing you.” Lie. He couldn’t wait to see you. His heart was aching for it for the whole day, „What’s that? A potion book? You shouldn’t even be entitled to hold that, you disgrace.” 
It hurts, doesn’t it? You could feel how your embarrassment, rage, and frustration filled your mind and heart, you could feel how your throat tightened around your neck and your lungs flattened, making it harder to breathe. You looked at him, Draco Malfoy, standing in front of you with unspeakable hatred and contempt.
„Leave me alone, Malfoy. It’s not like you don’t have other ‚mudbloods’ to tease.” You said, calmly as for someone who’s getting insulted by a spoiled brat. No, he can’t leave you, you’re not just one of the mudbloods, you’re the mudblood. 
„Oh, talking back, are we?” He exclaimed, raising his eyebrows as he tilted his head, looking at you with wider eyes, „You shouldn’t be even allowed to talk to me. You shouldn’t even be allowed in this school. Your kind is a disgrace, disgusting excuses for wizards.” His face formed into a disgusted scowl again, his eyes caressed you up and down with contempt. How a muggle is so majestic, he thought, but he couldn’t tell you, not in a million years, he had to make his disgust for you known.
You sighed, annoyed and tired of Malfoy’s words as you tried to just walk away, trying to pass through him but no, he blocked your way and stood right in front of you, his eyes sharp with all the contempt he could muster.
„Where do you think you’re going, mudblood?” He asked in a lower, more threatening tone.
„My dorm room, now if you’ll excuse me.” You answered calmly again, not looking up at his face even, just trying to walk past him again. No, he grabbed your arm, his hand launching at it with a force that only a person full of hate could hold. You looked up at him and as you did his face was coming closer to yours, that scowl still there but something in his eyes changed. It wasn’t a big change, it was almost unnoticeable but you, someone who’s seen his disgusted face so many times, can tell that something’s different. His eyes were no longer sharp, his eyebrows lightly scrunched up, as if in an expression of desperation and small sadness. His lips were still a scowl and the corners of his nose were tight, tensed up, but you didn’t notice that.
„You’re staying here.” He said, his voice suddenly and surprisingly going softer, more delicate but still threatening, demanding. You both looked at each other for a moment in silence, trying to figure out what the other was thinking, what the other’s intentions were. He stared at you, at those eyes he desired to have for himself, at those lips he wanted to caress and kiss, at your cheeks that he wished he could hold and mark as his own. How unfair is this. How tragic. But you broke the moment of magic by shaking your head, Draco’s thoughts came back to reality and he had to pretend he was disgusted with you again.
„No, I’m not.” You said and snatched your arm away from him, walking away, your footsteps echoing and bouncing off the walls of the hallway, reminding him that soon they’ll disappear, that you’ll disappear. He can’t have that, he turned towards you again and his fingers brushed against your wrist gently, lightly, ghostly almost, as he desperately tried to hold onto you, to make you stay but you slipped away, continuing to walk, unaware of his hand, unaware of his feelings. He looked at you and his desperation mixed with his hatred for you, both of his feelings for you coming together in an honest, brutal rage. 
„Come back, you! Come back, filthy mudblood! You have no right to turn your back on me! You’re nothing but a fool, a disgrace, a disappointment, a traitor! Do you think someone will accept you in the real world? Hogwarts is only protecting you for a while, afterwards you’ll be alone in this world! You’ll have no one to turn to, no one to talk to, no one to help you, just because of your filthy blood!” Just because of your filthy blood, he thought, just because you have to be disgusting, just because others see you as disgusting, he can’t admit that he sees you as beautiful, just because you’re beautiful he can’t deny your blood, „Your blood will never be forgotten! Your blood will always be a burden, and your blood will always be disgraced! You only deserve to be disgraced!” He yelled after you, your back turned towards him as if his words didn’t matter to you, as if they were just whistling of the wind. But his words did touch you in some way, you could feel how your heart started to tremble, how your face formed into a look of sadness and hurt, and how you lightly squeezed the book you shouldn’t be holding to your chest. What a horrible boy he is, can’t he give up already? No, he can’t. 
„No one will care for you, no one will love you, no one will ever treat you as you want them to, because you only deserve to be disgraced, disowned, harassed, hated. Your only meaning in life is to be destroyed.” He added and that broke you inside, how can he be so stupid and cruel? What’s the matter with him? 
You didn’t try to understand or care, you started to walk faster through the hallway, still feeling his presence behind you, wanting to get away from his judging eye. You felt how your heart trembled and beat faster with sadness and hurt, you felt alone and started to question if the words he said were true. Of course they weren’t, he wanted to tell you that, he felt ashamed and embarrassed for telling you this, not the truth, but he can’t go after you, he can’t go apologise, he can’t let you know. He just watched you, as you slowly but surely disappeared after a turn in the hallway, hearing only how a small sniff echoed through the cold walls.
You felt tears choking you, you felt how your lungs shrank and suffocated you. You felt how heavy your steps were, how fast they were getting, and how your lips twisted into a frown. Draco has always been nasty to you and you tried your best to just ignore him, let him insult you and then walk away as if it was nothing, let him have his immature fun. But this time it ached your heart more than usual to hear him say that. And that mare soft look in his eyes for just a second made you feel even worse. You sniffed and sniffed, wiping your tears as quickly as you could when they fell down your face to not let anyone who could be in the hallways see them. You kept your eyes on the floor so no one would notice how glassy they were, you didn’t look up to see where you were going, just walking ahead as you felt how much your head was a mess of emotions, guilt, and anger. Everything in you boiled and you suddenly felt a force in front of you making you stop and stumble a few steps, your heart almost stopped and jumped in your chest.
„Oh, sorry— Y/N, it’s you.” You heard a familiar voice and felt a little better. You stood on your straight feet and finally looked up at the face of Harry Potter, „You… What has happened? Are you alright?” He asked, his brow narrowing a little in concern as he saw your glassy eyes and slightly redder nose, not the most flattering look on you. You shook your head at the beginning and wiped your eyes quickly.
„I’m alright, don’t worry.” You tried to deny your tears and gave him a small, forced smile but you could tell he wasn’t buying it, he tilted his head as he looked at you intently, he knew your honest smile too well to notice it.
„No, no, something’s not alright. You’re sad, Y/N, what happened? Can I help you?” He asked again and took a few steps towards you as you sighed and glanced down, trying to figure out what to say next.
„It’s nothing, Harry, really. You don’t have to worry.”
„Well, I do worry. I am worried, I don’t see my friend usually with teary eyes. You can tell me, Y/N, I’d like to be a good friend to you and help you.” He said as he tilted his head some more to be able to see your face as you glanced down. You focused your eyes back on Harry’s face and you could see the concern and care he had for you, the one Draco said you were so undeserving of. You didn’t want to tell Harry and be a burden to him but there was no point in lying.
„Draco told me a few new insults, nothing new.” You answered quickly, shaking your head dismissively and Harry furrowed his brow some more.
„I understand but you know not to listen to him.”
„I know.” You replied softly as you nodded your head and glanced down again, Harry still looked at you with concern and a bit of confusion.
„Then why—“
„I don’t know, it’s just been… A bit more personal this time.” You shrugged and sighed again, wiping the remains of your tears on your face.
„Personal?” Harry asked with a smaller voice as he watched you wiping your face, his concern growing, „Can you please tell me what Malfoy said to you?” 
You sighed yet again, feeling bad and uncomfortable about telling Harry this but he’s your friend, he deserves to know.
„He said that I don’t deserve love or respect because I’m a muggle. That I will be alone. He said that I didn’t deserve to be in Hogwarts, that I’m only a disgrace.” Only meant to be destroyed, you recalled Draco’s words in your head, the ache from them echoed in your heart.
Harry listened to you and nodded his head after your words, trying to think of something that could make this situation better for you.
„I see… Well, you know he’s lying.” He answered softly and you nodded your head.
„Yes, of course. But I can’t help but believe it, I am only a muggle, there’s not a lot of chance for me to be a great wizard.” You sighed in resignation and Harry tilted his head again.
„Don’t say that, don’t believe him. There are so many possibilities and potentials for you. You can’t just let Draco ruin them for you.” 
You nodded again.
„Yes, I know.” You replied shortly, your eyes wandering around the hallway as Harry still looked at you, his concern didn’t go away.
„Can I do something for you?” He asked a bit awkwardly as he shrugged, not sure what to do to cheer you up and make forget about Draco’s words. You stood in silence for a moment, not sure what to do either, everything felt so heavy. 
„No, Harry. You already did enough for me.” 
„Did I?” He asked as he raised his eyebrows and looked at you expectedly, „You’re still sad. I don’t want my friend to be sad.” 
You sighed, still feeling unsure about all of this. You glanced at Harry and flashed a small smile to reassure him but that smile didn’t reassure you. 
„I am but—“
„So what can I do?” He asked again, taking a step towards you, „Do you really think that Malfoy’s right? You really believe him?”
You shook your head but you did believe in Draco’s words somehow, you still felt that they were adequate.
„I… Harry, this conversation shouldn’t be this long.”
„Well, I want it to be long, I want it to be long and make you feel better.” He answered and paused for another moment. This was a bit awkward, Harry wanted to help but he didn’t know how and you didn’t know either, you just went in circles all the time. You both stood there in silence, glancing at each other from time to time with unsure faces, everything stood still. Harry looked at you once more and an idea formed in his mind but he wasn’t sure if it was a good one, it might make everything even more awkward.
„Do you want a kiss?” He blurted out and you looked back at Harry with surprise and shock.
„What?” You asked, Harry squirmed a little from the embarrassment, his eyes wandered off for a second and he brushed his hand nervously over his nose.
„Do you want a kiss?” He mumbled through his teeth as if it was a big secret, as if he was speaking the name of you-know-who. You still were a little caught off guard and confused by Harry’s proposal, would that make you feel better? You looked at Harry with confusion on your face, it was clear from your slightly furrowed eyebrows and your parted lips. Well, this is even more awkward, both of you stood there in another moment of silence while trying to figure out what to do.
„A kiss?” You spoke up and a small chuckle escaped your lips, making Harry look at you again with a bit of concern that you were laughing at him, „I don’t know, are you sure you want to?” You asked as you raised your eyebrow at Harry and he shrugged.
„I don’t see any harm in that. I’d like to comfort my friend and if a kiss would do it then I have no problem with it.” He replied, making you smile a little in amusement which was a relief to Harry, he liked to see you smile.
„Ha? Well, friends don’t usually kiss each other.” You said with a bit of playfulness, your tone much lighter than before, which made Harry smile too.
„No?” He tilted his head, „But who cares about that? It’s just a kiss. Would it make you feel better?” He asked with care, not wanting to do anything you wouldn’t want to do. You thought for a moment, kissing your friend out of the blue is a bit weird but maybe you need a bit of affection right now? And is it really that important? You both know each other and trust each other, maybe a kiss shouldn’t be weird, maybe it’s only weird because you think so.
You shrugged after a while.
„Maybe, we could… Try?” You chuckled a bit nervously and awkwardly with a slightly sheepish smile which made Harry feel a little better that he wasn’t the only one who was nervous. 
„Sure, we can try…” he answered and looked at you for a while, making you both giggle a bit in amusement as he was taking his time, like in a romance book. Harry took a silent breath to himself to calm down and approached you, making you smile with more amusement. He got close enough to you that the tip of the shoe touched yours, he slowly lifted his hands towards your face and you let out a small snort, not laughing at him or mocking him, you just couldn’t take this too seriously as a friend. Harry smiled a bit at your reaction and shook his head.
„Shut up.” He mumbled jokingly and you felt his hands slowly and carefully embracing your cheeks, his soft skin sliding smoothly across yours with a small brush. The touch was nice, comforting, and gentle, it was just what you needed. You nodded your head at his words, trying to compose yourself but you couldn’t stop your lips from smiling. Harry looked at you for a second before he slowly started to lean into your face, tilting his head to the side slightly in a bit dramatic fashion, making you snort again.
„Oh, come on.” He sarcastically rolled his eyes behind his glasses, „I’m trying.”
„Yeah, you’re really trying.” You chuckled and he shook his head in a joking disapproval at your behaviour, the smile still present on his lips.
„Shut up.” He repeated and without a warning, his face approached yours much faster than expected, his lips pressed against yours with force but also care, making the sensation pleasant and soft. You stood there for a second, processing and taking in the feeling of Harry’s kiss, your eyes still open as his closed. The moment lingered for longer as you gave in and leaned your head a little more into the kiss, reciprocating it tenderly, making Harry smile a bit more. You both stood there for a while, linked in the most intimate affection one could share, your lips softly and carefully brushing each other as if you two weren’t friends. You finally closed your eyes, letting yourself drown in the warmth you two were sharing, the gentleness and kindness, your one hand left your book and carefully landed on Harry’s cheek, making him hum quietly in delight at your touch. The scene was tender and loving, to your luck no one was in the hallway at the time but if someone saw you two it would be clear that there were a lot of feelings between you two. Finally, Harry gently pulled away from the kiss and opened his eyes to look at your soft, peaceful face, your eyes still closed as you took a silent breath with your parted lips, the warmth of his lips still echoed against yours. Your hand still was on Harry’s cheek and his own hands were cupping your face tenderly, lovingly, his eyes taking in your features. You opened your eyes and looked at him, noticing how his cheeks got redder and how his eyes softened for you. You both looked at each other in silence before smiles starched out on both of your faces, your shared giggles and chuckles filling the cold hallway.
„Thank you, that helped a lot.” You spoke up with a lighter and happier tone than before to which Harry nodded with a smile, happy to see you smiling.
„No problem, Y/N. I’m glad it did.”
His hands still held your face carefully as if he had forgotten to let you go. But your hand stayed on his cheek too, both of you touching without a problem.
„My lips were chapped.” You remarked as you lightly pressed your lips together, feeling them a little rough after the crying. Harry raised an eyebrow.
„Were they?” He didn’t notice, he was much more focused on you and how wonderful it felt to kiss you. You nodded and felt how your face was dry after the tears soaked into your skin.
„And my face is dry.” You chuckled and Harry smiled even more, shaking his head.
„Doesn’t matter.” He replied, still holding your face in his hands, forgetting that he was your friend.
The next day everyone was filling the Great Hall as they continued their breakfast, talking and laughing together. Ron and Hermione were sitting together at your usual table, waiting for you and Harry.
„Did you see them the day before?” Asked Hermione the mouth-stuffed Ron as he ate eagerly.
„No,” he mumbled, „I haven’t. After me and Harry talked I haven’t seen him since.”
„What about Y/N?”
„Y/N?” Ron paused for a second as he tried to remember something, the girl in front of him looked at him with disappointment and disapproval, making him less willing to say, „I don’t know.”
Hermione rolled her eyes and shook her head.
„Honestly Ronald.”
„What?”
At this moment you walked into the Great Hall, not alone, Harry held your hand bravely and gently brushed his thumb against yours as you approached the two sitting at your table. A few eyes turned to you, one of which belonged to your bully. A whisper here, a whisper there, and soon almost everyone in the room was looking at you two. But you and Harry didn’t pay too much attention to the others.
Hermione looked at you two as you got closer, noticing your intertwined hands and she nudged Ron in the shoulder, making him let out pretensions „Ow”. 
„Hey.” You said to them with a smile as you got close enough, Hermione raised her eyebrow slightly.
„Hey, Y/N, Harry.” She greeted you two as you still held hands, her eyes switching between you two, „You two seem… Closer than ever.” 
You glanced at Harry who gave you a small smile and a gentle squeeze of your hand.
„We do? You must be seeing things, Hermione.” You said, trying to brush her off as you sat down on the bench, Harry following closely after you, sitting next to you.
„Oh? Am I?” Hermione tilted her head and Ron chuckled as he saw you two.
„No, if anything, you two are not telling us something.” He said as he gave Harry a knowing smile at which Harry sighed silently and looked pleadingly at Ron, making him laugh out loud. As Ron and Hermione tried to squeeze out of you two more information you didn’t notice how you were being observed by a pair of eyes burning with jealousy. He was sitting far away from you to not notice him and why would you notice him? You were too busy with Harry. He observed how your hands stayed linked under the table, how Harry was leaning a little closer to you, how he was looking at you. That should be me, he thought as his face tensed up in his usual scowl but his eyes showed more sadness and hurt than he wanted them to show. He looked at you longingly, desperately wishing that you’d notice his gaze and glance at him, even just for a second. He’d be so happy. But you were turned away, not acknowledging him at all, as if his words didn’t touch you at all, as if you earned more than lost. His soul was on fire, he was boiling with jealousy, rage, and desperation. But he couldn’t do anything, you’re still a muggle, he can’t do anything.
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