#and i cannot fucking stand this shit that pretends people should all know better

[courtrecord]

honestly i hate how that “maybe the curtains are just blue” post has become shorthand for anti-intellectualism and shit bc as someone who has an utter passion for media analysis now, I WAS THAT PERSON IN HIGH SCHOOL ENGLISH CLASS.

english class never taught me how to analyze stories, it taught me how to remember what things the teacher said were “symbolism” and how to take quizzes where we had to match a quote to the character who said it. i didn’t give a shit about any of it, bc literally why should i. it was bullshit.

there’s this idea online that people are forgetting or rejecting what they learned in english class when they’re bad at media analysis, and maybe that’s a little bit true, but i think the much bigger problem is they never learned it in the first place. cinemasins & “maybe the curtains are just blue” aren’t convincing people to abandon an intellectualism they already had, they’re filling a void.

when all you learn in high school is to write on the test “blue = depression”, why is it surprising that so many people don’t give a shit about the curtains.

#media analysis #i literally didn’t care about criticism until i started watching video essays in 2017 #and they taught me that u could actually do interesting things with analysis #and i cannot fucking stand this shit that pretends people should all know better #also it’s not new; people who act like media literacy is getting worse are so fucking funny like #have u met an adult. have u spoken to say. an adult family member #ever in ur life #ur just on the internet now. ur seeing a million bad takes that used to be reserved for in-person conversations #or maybe writing into a paper or magazine #get real #get fucking real #1k

[inez-winchester-cameron]

omg pls write more of what you just posted of rafe with that age gap it's sooo hot 😭 like something about the reader being bratty on purpose and sassing him

cw: dark!rafe x younger!reader, 29 and 19, non-con/rape, drug use, intoxicated reader, talks of free use and public sex, abusive relationship

note: is this too dark, yes or no

rafe HATES when you disobey at parties. ever since you two have started dating, you have a bad habit of misbehaving at parties to get more attention from rafe. whether that be overdrinking, snorting coke, smoking weed, or flirting with other guys. all of these being things that you KNOW rafe disapproves of.

tonight, it happened to be a mix of all of them. you went to the restroom and came back to rafe talking with one of his ex girlfriends, sofia. you completely being oblivious to the fact that he was telling her off. you huff and head back into the room where topper and kelce sit.

they're doing lines and drinking, sitting on opposite sides of a loveseat.

"hey, y/n, have a seat," topper politely greets you, gesturing to an empty chair beside the loveseat but you smile and sit inbetween topper and kelce. they give eachother a look but say nothing.

"whatcha guys doin?" you ask, looking over toppers shoulder as he sets up a line.

"coke, nothing you should concern yourself with."

"yeah rafe would kill us if he knew you were anywhere near this," kelce comments.

"hes too busy bein up sofia's pussy to care. can i do a line?"

kelce and topper both look at you at this comment, a little shocked. they knew rafe and how loyal he was to you, he never even so much as entertained another girl.

"you saw him up her pussy?" kelce asks, confused.

"well no but- it doesnt even matter, just let me do a line."

"sweetheart i dont think-" topper starts.

"pleaseeeeee?" you beg, giving him puppy eyes.

topper sighs and glances to kelce who shrugs. eventually topper responds, "okay fine, sweetie, but you cannot tell rafe."

"i won't, promise! ill even pinky promise if you want!"

topper stares at you for a moment, finding your innocence both endearing and hot at the same time. too bad you aren't his. topper sets up a line for you and gently guides you onto your knees in front of the table. he gives you the dollar bill and guides you as you snort it. you let it sit for a minute, not feeling anything, then it hits. and you want more.

"again!" you say, looking at topper, feeling your brain begin to buzz.

"yeah no i don't-"

"what the fuck are you doing?"

your eyes shoot to the doorway. rafe stands there, arms crossed, hair messy, blood on his knuckles, and he looks pissed.

"rafey!" you greet him, trying to pretend you didn't just snort cocaine. you stand up, swaying, and subsequently falling back onto the couch.

"what the fuck guys?" rafe questions, walking over to you. he looks pissed, "how much did you give her?"

"just a line, man, she asked for it. quite literally," kelce speaks first and topper agrees.

"i didn't know you don't let her do that man, im sorry-" topper defends himself and rafe shakes his head, calming down a bit.

"nah you're good, man. it's her fault. come on, princess, we have some business to discuss." rafe says through gritted teeth, roughly grabbing your arm and heading to his room. once you're upstairs and away from people, he starts scolding you, "what the fuck were you thinking? you know so much better than that."

"you were talking to Sof-"

"yeah i was telling her to go suck a fucking dick. then i beat the shit out of her boyfriend for calling you a whore. but maybe he was right, you don't think about anyone but yourself, huh? always just assuming. saw the way you were staring at top." rafe speaks with no sympathy and you two slip into his bedroom. he presses you down onto the bed, holding your hands behind your back as he flips your little skirt up, "no panties? you fucking serious? god what is wrong with you? you stupid little whore."

you hear his belt unbuckle and your head continues buzzing from your high. soon enough, you feel his cock, pushing into you. it's immediately too much.

"rafe-! no no no-"

"don't tell me fucking no, bitch. act like a whore, get treated like one. maybe i should've just fucked you downstairs," rafe starts, setting a fast pace with his thrusts, not hearing any of your protests, "or maybe i should tie you up down there, let all these drunk men use your holes since you wanna disobey. i think that's a fair punishment, huh? i try to be nice and defend your honor and you make eyes at two of my best friends. fucking bitch."

"rafe i didn't- i don't want this- stop!" you beg but rafe doesn't care. he simply tugs your hair in response as you start crying. your head is pounding and it's all too much.

"that's it, cry for it, bitch. this is my fucking pussy and i'm gonna use it when i want. now whine one more time and i'm gonna make this pussy free use to the entire island."

you whimper and stay quiet in response. you think about leaving rafe, but you can't, you love him and maybe you even secretly loved being fucked against your will.

#obx #outerbanks #rafe cameron #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron oneshots #rafe obx #rafe cameron thirst

[lesser-mook]

Miles isn’t bad, just overrated

”wild to me”, as in how could you not like him?

  Mind you they’re leaving out continuity, origin differences, the fact some aren't mantles but actual RANKS (GL), Fate/Nabu is more an Entity than a mantle. (debatable, yes)

Barry to Jay is Jim Hammond Human Torch to Johnny Storm’s Torch- existed in different times

 Hammond was an Allies soldier

Johnny is a modern Superhero whose power is cosmic in isolation

Leaving out context to make a moot point. 

I was there day one Miles’ story began, and i loyally bought his stuff. 

He ain’t all that, the main selling point is the cultural modernization that he represents, he’s an urban, black Spider-man and that’s mainly why people latch onto him.

Not that he’s in anyway compelling or interesting in a unique sense, cause he is an individual person, but the urban aesthetic mainly is what people fell in love with. And that’s 100% fine-

But it’s when you start deflecting that fact and start acting like people have an issue when they don’t like him and you just can’t for the life of you understand “why why why, don’t you like him” vs other knockoffs:

Mind you, i’m probably one of the lesser yet avid Supergirl criticizers on the net, and i’m not even talking about the show, that’s too easy, comics 100%. That requires research.

So there’s no double standard, Kara Zor El is a blue eyed blond haired girl next door archetype cosplaying as Superman, her entire appeal is to get women into the lore but she ended up being taken in by straight men as a fanbase, majorly. 

Why? 

Because she’s got a dynamic character arc? (She’s had some decent runs, nothing phenomenal)

An arc that at one point changed the landscape of DC? 

Her tragic downward spiral of self-destruction and wrapped up in a beautiful act of redemption & sacrifice?

NOPE that would be someone else, who i often WISH was Supergirl in the first fucking place.

But despite Clark Kent-PRIME being a better character, somehow hasn’t gotten a single chance in the animated media.

Young JUSTICE didn’t choose him. They chose Kara to end off S4, because we haven’t had enough of her the past 15 years, she’s so deep like that.

I DIGRESS.

As you can tell, i cannot stand her despite her innate general appeal. Why? Writing, purpose, originality and lack thereof. 

The takes of Kara that land, FOR ME, are the ones that say or do something different from the version mainline canon, and allow her to be her own thing off of Clarks coattails in some way, minor or major. 

*DC Nuclear Winter Kara Zor El, i like her.

And the fact that she’s a cutesie R63, usually. Is the only reason why she remained relevant for this long, same with Powergirl, up until people literally forgetting she existed because her contribution to the picture was big tits and a litle bit of ego.

Injusitce 2 brought her back, attitude and all.....aaaand then she went back into obscurity, WHO saw that coming? 

Same with Miles, token.

Miles not bad, not a bad kid, not the worst take on Spider-man. Just overrated.

Some people need to just admit what they like about him is the aesthetic surrounding him, and stop pretending we just don’t get what it is that’s wrong with other people regarding him.

Cause i guarantee you majority of people stanning this kid has NEVER read that issue where he fought that nobody villain: Kangaroo- which is technically where his first fight as a masked hero began.

Doesn’t mean you have to read every single issue to speak on the matter (Because i need to catch up on some of his stories myself), but the point is with all this support for this character, how invested are you really in this boy beyond what’s fed to you by Hollywood.

It means: Do you actually give a shit? Are you invested, or are you just talking?

It means don’t act stupid for the sake of feigning confusion when you know exactly what’s up. 

Like he should be or has to be liked and anything less is a problem or something.

Most people big him up because he’s a POC Spider-Man, period. 

If they (Marvel/Bendis) had any balls they would’ve made Miles more like Kaine, give him some anger issues or SOME kind of major flaw that made him having powers a serious problem- and how he uses his powers, is different enough from Peter in sheer application to where he’s not your average Spider-Man by just how he moves:

Like Deku & Allmight having roughly the same power, initially, but Deku uses his strengths so differently by S2-S3, he literally moves & fights nothing like All Might anymore. He’s his own aesthetic.

Even Full Cowling isn’t something Allmight’s really known for, it’s a visual distinction between the two.

And that’s one of few things i can actually praise of the franchise without a complaint.

That should’ve been Miles.

And no, some sparky fingers ain’t unique cause Jessica was doing that shit decades before Miles was a concept, but nobody talks about that tho.

The Invisible Woman shit? Sure i’ll give him that i guess. It’s pretty cool.

Moreso this alternate Miles’ arc is moreso learning the values of a hero in his own way, at his own pace, while maintaining enough moral differences from Parker to be a different situation. 

Say he’s 18 when he gets his power, slightly older than when Peter got his,14-15. 

Have the first 9-12 months be him using his powers for himself, a “fuck the world” attitude, until he does something deathly serious in a fit of rage or self defense, that he can’t undo and regrets for the rest of his career. 

Anything like that would’ve been more compelling.

You can’t tell me that doesn’t sound like a more interesting story, i didn’t say “better”, i said “interesting.”

Not just Peter Parker but recolored.

Again, I was there since the beginning, 2012, day one i was buying Morales comics “Because he looked liked me”, and guess what, i was NOT impressed.

The staying power wasn’t there, the justification of his looking like me (and yes he looked just like me) WAS NOT enough to warrant long term investment because while he did look like me, Miles was NOT me. Period.

I liked that both his parents were alive, ofc they weren’t an entirely black family unit, of course. 

But i liked his pops, Jefferson being a cop. His mom was good peoples, and what happened to her was...something.

But the kid overall was boring, he didn’t speak to me, he just mirrored my melanin, big deal.

Lo and behold, just looking like a person isn’t enough to justify staying power, who knew? Just being black doesn’t mean i relate to you, who knew?

That was the day i realized, true “Representation” is NOT skin deep. It’s about character, who you are as a person. Period.

Between Kaine and Morales, it’s not even a Contest. 

One has enough distinctions moral & mental to be a completely separate franchise and SHOULD'VE been in movies by now, R Rated ofc.

And the other is just a glorified What If DLC.

But ofc guess who gets a honorable mention, twice in the MCU. The Black Spider-Man ofc: 

Because he’s compelling, interesting, a long standing character in the Spider-man lore? 

No that’s KAINE, hell i’m still looking for Madam Web’s respect, on god..

I’m STILL waiting for MAYDAY to get her big break! The fact that Miles was able to skip the line in front of her, is insane to me.

Miles is likely going get to the MCU first before BEN, Web, Mayday and KAINE combined, because he’s the black Spidey.

Again, you can like him if you want, but don’t pretend for a second why people don’t like him is some mystery.

Miles looks exactly like me, i repeat and i cannot stand him as a concept- i gravitate to Venom, Kaine, Miguel, Spider-Man NOIR, Mayday, etc.

And Miguel is technically the POC Spider-man BEFORE Morales, half Mexican, but Miles is black+latino in current day, so let’s just forget all about O’Hara until some corny Spiderverse movie makes him relevant again in the post credit scene, now everyone’s going to love Miguel because he’s going to be in the next movie.

Mapping out the main reason i can’t normies sometimes, bandwagon mentality.

And it sucks cause we got him in Ultimate Spiderman XD, Edge of Time, Shattered Dimensions, so the man had some momentum getting off the pages. So what was the hold up with getting this cat in a movie? Or a Mini series like TNAS Spider-man most people forgot?

Miguel is a legit cool dude, careerman, sly, very different aesthetic, different time, different Spider-man. He is NOT Parker, trust me. 

Miguel O’Hara should’ve been gotten his own show or movie. And on that note, that obscure underwritten Spider-man Unlimited, was a Spider-man 2099 cartoon that didn’t know or it 100% knew it was trying to be 2099

But our boy Miles gets to skip the goddamn line in front of established more interesting characters that have done their time since before the Century turned, get mentions in the MCU and 2 animated movies, if that’s not AA energy i don’t know what is. 

NOW THAT’S wild to me.

#token black #spider-man #miles morales #kaine #marvel comics #knockoffs #off my mind #representation #poc #token morales #miguel o'hara #scarlet spider #ben reilly

[meraki-yao]

You don't have to post it if you don't want to, you can also block me or delete it's ok, I just need to vent because this situation is hitting rock bottom and I can't stand how people don't want to see the problem:

In short: there is a video of the q&a where the female producer gets Casey pronouns wrong when talking about them. It's totally ok to point this out and give respect that Casey deserves BUT who was given the main blame? Taylor obviously, despite him also using the right pronouns during the panel, is guilty of not correcting the woman in front of everyone so he's bad again.

But this time we're not talking about that handful of idiot Nick fans, we're talking about the rwrb fandom that says they love him so much but once again for the umpteenth time they threw him under the bus without thinking twice even though he had no fault. And it will be the third time that the same fandom has exaggerated something against him, subsequently causing serious problems ( like racism and homophobia and doxxing which took place in december where everyone then washed their hands of it pretending nothing happened and they did nothing wrong)

And I'm so tired of reading that we just have to ignore that social because that social is the most active and followed and we know Taylor a few days ago saw stuff and posted and today Casey saw and posted a story. That social causes damage and everything they bring there is seen and affects all of them. So no it's not enough to ignore and put our hands over our eyes and just talk about how beautiful the sky is and I'm so tired and sad and heartbroken because every day even unconsciously they make it more and more evident that there isn't the same affection and respect for both, it's not true, one will always be seen with a critical eye "yes you are beautiful, perfect, so sexy, wow how beautiful these photos BUT you are a bit problematic, BUT you should be better than that, BUT you should learn better, oh disappointed but not surprised" and it is obviously always the poc man who has to be better who has to do better even when he does absolutely nothing wrong.

And this comes from the people who say they follow him and love him. It's no longer possible, that man has been attacked every single day for months, now he must also fall into the transphobic category because he didn't correct another person in front of everyone even though HE had used the right pronouns. But do we realize that this shit fucks up your mental health in the long run? But why doesn't anyone realize how serious the situation is? I cannot take it anymore and I feel like I'm screaming into the void and witnessing the moment when everything will get worse and fall apart and then we will be here sad because it didn't have to go that way for him

…Woah.

Jesus Christ what the fuck.

Okay um, here we go. This is a monster of response to write but here I am.

I’m gonna start by saying I am not a direct witness of any of this. I didn’t know about the misgendering issue during the Q&A, I didn’t really notice it when I watched the Q&A myself yesterday. I’m not on twitter and I don’t follow or look at Taylor or Nick’s tags. All insults I seen regarding the boys are either from assholes trying to bother me or from people who want to talk about the phenomena, both in my inbox.

Regarding misgendering Casey:

Firstly I’m gonna state the obvious and say of course it’s a bad thing to misgender someone. Don’t do that

However I will also say this.

In regards to the extent of reaction: it’s not always done in malice. And in this case, I think it’s a genuine slip up, which happens. I had to consciously remind myself to deliberately use the right pronouns after my friend came out to me as non-binary. I had to correct my friend using the wrong pronouns when talking about our mutual non-binary student. It’s not ideal, but it happens. It’s not mean, it’s just careless. And please note that I’m not saying it’s ok to misgender someone, no it’s absolutely not but I also don’t think this case calls for a big reaction.  If someone maliciously, deliberately, publicly and repeatedly misgenders someone, that’s problematic, that should be called out by the masses to this extent. This, we should acknowledge, make a note, and move on. I think there’s some cases where the reaction to certain issues are massively disproportional, this is one of them.

In regards to Taylor not correcting Sarah and being targeted for it: Firstly, Taylor didn’t misgender them, Sarah did. Taylor used the right pronouns. In fact when they hung out in New York last August, Taylor used the right pronouns on his Instagram story. Secondly, he might not have picked that up. Thirdly, even if he did, it’s awkward to suddenly cut off a monologue, let alone one from friend or not, is someone on a higher level than you, to correct a mistake that doesn’t directly affect comprehensive. Fourthly, bystanders are encouraged to step into situations, but they’re certainly not obligated to. So placing the blame or putting so much blame on Taylor is ridiculous and unfair.

In regards to Casey’s Instagram story: I understand where the connection comes from but honestly… I think there’s also a possibility that that’s just a post that Casey saw and wanted to share without reference to this issue. They don’t have Twitter, and it’s been several days since the screening. Truthfully, everyone involved seems really friendly with each other, and how this very project is advocating for LGBT rights, I don’t really believe that if they were aware of the misgendering, they wouldn’t apologize to Casey.

So replying to the “You don’t have to post it…” anon, I agree that putting any blame on Taylor is kind of ridiculous in this case, just like what happened in December. I think there’s a portion of “fans” that are fucking around with this and genuinely hurting him, but there might also be a portion of people who have a problematic/complicated perception of this type of situation, and it’s not targeted specifically towards Taylor. Either way I disapprove with what they’re doing, but here’s a hypothesis.

Regarding the damage these stuff causes:

I’ve addressed the insults thrown at Taylor multiple times by now. And I kind of agree with “I hate that there are idiots…” anon that really disgusting insults thrown at Nick tend to be overlooked, it’s not like there’s no Nick haters, there is. But because of the inherent racism, attacks on Taylor are much more obvious. Either way it’s cruel and disgusting and the boys don’t deserve to be thrown insults like that, nor do they deserve to have people enact cruelty in their name. Rarely is anyone deserving of that, and in the case of these two boys who have been proven to kind and wonderful people, it’s definitely wrong.

I’m tired of reading and seeing these bullshit on social media as well, which is why I actively avoid it, but “You don’t have to post it” anon, I definitely understand and share your worries of this fucking up the boys mental health.

But the sad truth is that we can’t decide what he can see and what he can’t. We’re just gonna need to trust him, to believe that he knows how to regulate the exposure of response he gets, that he knows what comments matter and what don’t, that he knows how to take care of his mental health. He actively avoids twitter, so I think he has an idea on what he can engage with an what he shouldn’t. Same goes with Nick, all we can do is believe he knows his mental health and how to regulate it. Meanwhile, those of us who aren’t assholes, we’ll show them all the love we have for him. I think public figures all struggle with this to some extent, so when they stepped into this career, I believe they saw this as a possibility, so they’re prepared to some degree. That doesn’t make any of this okay, but again, ultimately, we’re not people directly in their lives. We can’t do anything else practical.

Ultimately I want to say, be kind, compassionate and considerate. We can’t control what others do, and truth be told when it comes to the majority of the haters, I don’t think calling them out will change anything. They have their mind set. So the best we can do, is manage and control what we say and do, and to some degree, what we see and engage with.

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #taylor zakhar perez #nicholas galitzine #casey mcquiston #anon ask #answered #oh god this took a lot out of me

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

If Edward either left or returned later and came back after Rosalie was already turned - would it change their relationship to each other? Would Edward stay with them or go off to kill rapists again?

Oh, that is diabolically awful.

The Backdrop

Edward leaves in righteous fury because Carlisle's diet is stupid and he's stupid and Edward's going to drink the great elixer of life while ridding the world of villainy! What about that, Carlisle?!

Within four years, Edward discovers his life is meaningless, he's a monster desperately trying to justify himself to no one, he has no companionship nor greater ideals, and he's just a pile of murderous sad who isn't the man he wanted to be.

It gets worse when, to his shame and horror, he tries to go off the diet on his own so he can at least return with gold eyes/pretend he wasn't actually eating people that long if at all and discovers that he can't do it. He cannot get back on the diet on his own without a support structure.

He has to return, eyes blazing red, and hope to god they don't throw him out as they have every right to do after what he's said and what he's done for years.

In canon, to his infinite joy and relief, Esme and Carlisle said nothing and accepted him back with open arms and got him on the diet again.

In this world, well, there's Rosalie Hale.

Edward Comes Back

He finds out, to his shock, Carlisle's turned someone else.

Now, he was there for Carlisle turning Esme, but he figured that was an exception. He was in love with Esme for all he had no idea and they clearly belonged together. Of course, he turned her.

Rosalie though doesn't have that excuse. Her ending was horrifically sad, of course, tragic and terrible but that doesn't mean she should be turned.

The only one that Carlisle should have been turning like that is Edward himself. Because Edward's the one that's important.

Unlike canon, Edward can't even point to himself as the ultimate reason, of Carlisle wanting to make Edward a bride, because Edward wasn't there and showed no signs of returning.

Rosalie seems to only know him as Carlisle's previous creation who ran away for reasons Carlisle won't disclose. Rosalie figured out pretty fast though that Edward wanted to eat people and thinks Edward is a murderous piece of shit with no morals.

(Edward is horrified because fuck, she's right. Rosalie is thinking everything that's true that Edward never ever wanted anyone to think about him.)

Worse, Edward quickly learns that Rosalie has superb control, better than his. She killed her rapists, yet, but didn't drink a drop of their blood (unlike Edward who ate all the rapists purely for their blood). Her revenge was personal, clean, and she has never wavered since and shows no signs of wanting to go and eat people.

Beautiful Rosalie is a better child than Edward ever was.

And here's Edward, like a returning alcoholic son, begging his family to take him back in and looking so weak in Rosalie's eyes.

What Happens?

I imagine Edward can't stand the shame and humiliation of it. He despises Rosalie but truly despises himself, he believes his family secretly resents him for having the nerve to return and sees him as the child no one wants.

Not helping is that Rosalie proves to be very smart when she and Edward attend university. She's smart, charming, beautiful, ambitious, and though Edward consoles himself that she's a vain shrew on the inside she looks perfect on the outside while Edward just looks like... Edward on the outside.

SHE EVEN PLAYS THE FUCKING PIANO.

Not helping is that Edward will say things like "Carlisle loves me more" to Rosalie and she'll just stare then point out he's a piece of shit who left to eat drunkards for four years and pretend to feel good about himself.

"OH YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE VAIN!"

When Rosalie carries home, by herself, at a very young age, the bleeding out Emmett without drinking a drop of blood and asking Carlisle for assistance--

I imagine Edward loses his shit.

He can't stay.

He can't stay in this perfect family, perfect for each other, with perfect Rosalie as their perfect daughter. Edward can't be the loser of the family, he can't.

I EMBRACE MY DEMONS! Edward says, fleeing out into the night, and returns to eating humans with reckless abandon. I imagine he quickly falls off the "I shall eat only evildoers diet" as he admitted to himself that was to only make him feel better and he's a monster now.

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #edward cullen #rosalie hale #anti edward cullen #the cullens #meta #headcanon #opinion

[missveryvery]

realistically i dont think theres much, if anything, fans on the english side can do. i guess crunchyroll could cut the scene (since its just a minute or two and doesnt contribute that much overall) but that wouldnt change that its in the original, they just wouldnt be showing it to us. and i dont know if crunchyroll has the authority to do that, idk what their licensing agreement looks like. bilibili would probably only listen to complaints from chinese viewers, since thats their core audience.

I think they should at least give a warning or something? I would prefer it be edited out, honestly. Like I want some indicator that "this is not acceptable". And if crunchyroll has to do that then they have to tell Bilibili that it's happening (or make them edit it). So Bilibili can't be like "we had no idea" in the future, and they have, again, some fucking consequence for that shit.

If the fandom was loudly like "hey this fucking sucks", I would feel better.

If crunchyroll was like "jfc let's edit that" or "there's some racist shit in here, just giving you a heads up" or something, I would feel better.

If Bilibili apologized, if mxtx apologized? I'd feel WAY, WAY better but I doubt that'll happen.

I want a fucking change.

As it stands, it's like the fandom is pretending they're blind.

It's also weird to make these people a different race when China has a very, let's say "ROBUST" history with cannibalism. This is from Thousand Autumns, which is set in a historical time period.

That footnote is for English readers. Because this is shared cultural knowledge about this time period: that in times of famine, there was cannibalism. This isn't just in the Jin and Song dynasty.

This is such a "thing" that during the famine of the 1960 and 70s there were also reports of mass cannibalism.

Which people, including myself, kind of thought was made up, for obvious propaganda reasons but also because "well we have this tradition of things are so bad that people are doing cannibalism", like "maybe it's more symbolic".

But recently very hardcore documentation about it came to light.

A bit of it:

So: Bilibili did not have to make these people dark-skinned. Could have just been Chinese people! But mxtx's text says spears and animal skins and that I'm guessing that confers "I mean brown people".

I don't know why I thought these were monsters/spirits in the manhua when they're clearly just men wearing masks.

I feel so fucking dumb at how much I was like "I guess sometimes Chinese spirits look like that"

It's extra tiring when we know Feng Xin is supposed to be darker and they cannot be bothered. That boy is the same color as pasty-ass Mu Qing.

In this same episodes having to hear them all go on about how important being pale is. Like....it's a BAD LOOK.

#tgcf #tgcf season 2 #tgcf manhua #tgcf donghua #racism #cannibalism

[alostlittleriverlotus]

i hate conservative Christian parents so effing much.

Had a fight with my mom where I was a bit more, uh, cohesive this time. And oh my God, so much of it was her trying to find a happy ending or a solution or downplay stuff or try to get away. Because I stood my ground and it made her uncomfortable. Her having to face the reality of a disabled child that appears as if they would be functional. And I made that clear.

And the amount of times she had said "we're still playing catch up" yeah, makes sense she's still behind the times, she is super conservative and doesn't like change 🙄

But i made it clear that this is the reality. I don't think I'll ever be independent and I am fine with that. That these bullshit expectations of professionals and being "encouraged to socialize" will not work. And she brought up how she cares. If you care then listen to me and support me and see things from my perspective.

In the end, my goal is to move in with my gf or MA, live a good life with them, and other shit. You can grow up and actually change and expand your world view or you can stay behind.

Considering I doubt she will ever stop being conservative and hating gay and trans people and internalizing ableism and saying racist and xenophobic shit, yeah doubtful. Especially since my dad is way farther down the rabbit hole than her and has more control over her. She was more of a centrist when she met him apparently so uh, yeah, doubtful.

So yeah. Sorry you feel bad, but I'm not actually sorry because I stood my ground for needing accommodations and support and actually being listened to.

And this entire thing happened because she told me she'd talk to my brother about doing laundry elsewhere (since I live here, he doesn't) and she automatically ignored that the next time it happened, I got upset, she "forgot" why it was so important to me (you know literal ocd), and she refused to listen so i fully called her out. Cry. Because frankly I don't care.

When you've neglected me, abused me, ignored my needs since I was a child, always treated him with more respect than me, favoured him, yeah fuck you. I'm standing up for myself and actually calling you out instead of just ranting about you on social media with nothing being done. It is not my fault you're uncomfortable or feel bad. This is the reality. I do not have to mask and pretend and avoid to be able to cope. I should not have to have breakdowns in private to avoid problems because you won't listen to me when I ask something of you. You cannot say you care then do nothing because "you don't understand." I don't understand plenty of what I reblog, but I know it's important. I didn't fully understand the stuff for transfems/trans women that I reblogged once, but knew it might reach someone that it's important to and it did. I don't fully understand every post I reblog cause I'm bad at understanding words cause of how my brain works, but I understand it's important (and make sure to discern between problematic stuff and if I'm truly unsure if it's harmful or not then I don't reblog it.) You don't need to understand to support others. If you want to care about me, you're gonna have your world view challenged, mother. And you're gonna be held accountable.

Accept it and learn and change, or stay the same and lose me. Cause even if it hurts me, I have spent years preparing and mourning my loss of a childhood, of good parental relationships, all of it. You, I believe can change, but I will not stick around if you do not actively work to change. I know you are better than my father. You have a chance. But you're gonna be challenged, held accountable, and you're gonna feel uncomfortable. But that isn't bad. If you can get through a bad fight, you can get through the hard emotions. I sure as hell did when I ventured down the leftist path and undid the bs you taught me. I doubt you'll ever be a leftist, but you have to at least start to change. But if you won't then it is not my problem. I'm not keeping someone like you in my life whether it's for personal reasons or your harmful beliefs that impact me and others. I'm okay with that. And it's not my problem how it affects you.

Also not being able to say "I'm semiverbal" to my mom fucking sucks. Same with saying I'm disabled, traumatized, disordered, neurodivergent, etc. I hate it so much. Cause like if I could say I'm semiverbal and she could understand then I wouldn't be so stressed in conversations. Instead I have my words locked away cause I struggle to think and communicate thoughts and she keeps pushing. I cannot communicate. Let me be semispeaking. Let me be the way I am!!! Stop forcing me to be fully speaking and be able to perfectly convey my thoughts!!! My brain does not work like that!!! It is hard!!! Don't make me feel guilty for it!!!

#rant #proud of myself #standing up for myself #abusive mom #neglectful mom #childhood trauma #the problematic kind of religious person #homophobic mom #transphobic mom #abuse victim #neglected child #emotional neglect #toxic parents #actually narcissistic #narcissistic abuse isn't real #actually antisocial #disabled #disability #actually disabled #actually autistic #actually traumatized #actually borderline #actually histrionic #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #actually avoidant #actually paranoid #actually schizoid #ableism #I'm proud of how far I've come

[moonlit-positivity]

The thing about mental health & healing that no one ever really acknowledges, is that you can have all these coping skills thrown at you. You can have all these resources listed out. Warm line and hotline numbers out the ass for who to call when you're feeling suicidal.

But there's never ever ever gonna be a way to provide you with the comfort and support of eradicating what has already happened to you in the past.

Like the concept of "give me a fucking time machine so I can go back and prevent it from happening and/or do it better this time."

It doesn't really matter how much you shove breathing techniques into someone's face. If there is never any acknowledgement of the fact that your past exists? That your inability to breathe right now is actually valid? Or have the time and space to even acknowledge that you're suffocating to begin with? To even know that it's okay to be angry and upset and to not cope very well at all? To know that this isn't your fault? Because someone else has robbed you of your entire life?

Then what is the point?

There is an awareness that needs to happen before the true deeper understanding begins, and that awareness is that what you went through wasn't your fault. It wasn't actually supposed to happen like that. You weren't actually supposed to go through that at all. The adults and the people around you should have given you better than what you got.

But if you never get that type of awareness? If you're still being abused and manipulated and surrounded by people who don't care to even ask what you're going through? The what the fuck is breathing gonna do in this scenario. What the fuck is the point of the coping skills and the resources if there is no personal acknowledgement from yourself and others you're trusting that there is even a need to use them to begin with?

You cannot do this type of damage to yourself. You do not do this type of damage for no reason. People will expect you to automatically know that & get with the program right away. But it's like, no, that's not even REMOTELY close to how this works.

You need your humanity restored before you can even begin to trust that youre standing on a solid ground. You've been beat & abused & gaslit by so many people in your life, and now the concept that "you need to take care of yourself" is basically like you just belly flopped into a pool of water.

It stings.

And it stings because first of all, if you had known all of this from the start then we wouldn't even be here, would we? If your parents/abusers had never abused you, you would never even need to use the coping skills and deal with this massive amount of trauma to begin with!

But it also stings because then you start to realize, "oh, oh wait a minute. Oh okay, I finally get it now," when you finally start to understand that oh wait, this is actually kinda fucked up and I've been subconsciously acting on my survival instincts because of it. Suddenly you get thrust into understanding the deeper nuances of everything, everywhere, from every corner and direction.

And there's a lot to dissect here.

You've got your own childhood trauma. Your own parents bullshit has built up so far & deep down inside to the very core of your identity constructs and knowing that everything in you breaks with each passing second.

You've got your shitty abusive family system, your asshole siblings shitting all over you, your asshole relatives invading your space to triangulate on behalf of Those Who Cannot Get The Fuck On.

You've got the gaslighting & manipulation & indoctrination to give a flying fuck, because you love these motherfuckers. What the fuck.

Youve got your own shitty coping skills that are born out of survival & primal instincts. God bless you if you have an addiction of some sort.

Youve got no way of even knowing or understanding what the fuck is happening. Therapy? Lets not pretend that not even 60 years ago "mental health" was still being used as a modern day torture device. Oh wait no that's still happening today too!

You've got stigmatized mental health practices demonizing personality disorders that stem directly from traumagenic symptoms, ill informed & abusive therapists who thrive off of using their authority to induce shame and humiliation knowing good and goddamn well that the reason these symptoms exist is because of, yep you guessed it, 🎉childhood trauma🎉

Youve got a huge lack of mental health for minorities, POC, Asians, lgbt+, just to name a few.

You've got so few therapists that offer focalized services for things like religious trauma, cult & ritual abuse, & other very specific types of trauma, because they're so far & few in between.

You've got the huge lack of awareness in society from recognizing what boundaries & abuse even is, so much so that the only readily available resources for people to come across are pop psychology blogs that romanticize empathy and demonize NPD by grouping every single abuser that's ever existed and labelling them as a narcissist.

You've got very little resources that exist outside of therapy in itself and it's such a scrounge to gather up any and all self help you can possibly find if you cannot afford therapy.

And then you've got to deal with your own life staring back at you at the end of the day. You're traumatized, things are happening inside of your brain and body that you have absolutely no fucking idea what the fuck is happening. You've grown up from that scared little child to now a fully repressed adult filled with fear so deep you're clinging onto relationships and people out of fear that they will leave you stranded and abandoned just like your childhood did. All the while now people around you are getting pissed the fuck off because they don't fucking know. They don't fucking know what you've been through or how it feels to be inside your head. And they're expecting you to be a more fully fleshed out & functioning adult than what you can give them.

And it's never fucking pretty! It's arguments, it's obsession, it's control issues & power dynamics, it's unfocused & repressed anger that gets turned into rage, it's projections, it's staying silent and letting the resentments build, it's the inability to speak, the inability to communicate, the inability to talk about the hard & difficult & uncomfortable. it's all these horrific little tidbits of everything all at once.

It's a fucking nightmare trying to regain any sense of anything at all.

You can't really just snap your fingers and fix all of this shit. Even if you wanted to, even if you dig in real hard and learn and absorb all the fucking coping skills out there. The thing no one ever talks about, is how much time is needed to fully sit with and process every last single fucking thing that has ever happened and what is continuing to happen before you can finally figure out how to handle it.

People be so ready to forget that part. Therapists, friends, family, even ourselves. We just wanna rush right through and get to the end fucking result.

Who the fuck is there while you work it out? And what does your process look like right now, right here and now and in this moment? And who or what do you have in your life that can reaffirm your humanity while you sit with the horrors of your past & work it out? And how open and receptive are you to knowing what you went through was abuse and that eventually you're gonna have to leave this concept of going back in time to get a better fucking outcome?

That's probably a good thing to sit with and think about.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Hope this helps

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #boundaries #healing #healing thoughts #bpd #npd #stigmatized #stigma #personality disorders #abuse #recognizing Abuse #childhood trauma #self awareness #self improvement #self inspection #self worth #self esteem #advice #life advice #codependency #trauma awareness #trauma informed #anti-psych

[crystalelemental]

@patchun did it, so now I'm doing it. Apparently it's just a big grid of your favorites, if anyone else wants to play along. I tried to be more honest with myself about pre-evolutions, but we all know how that can go.

GEN 1 There were no Dark types, and only one Steel type, so that's a little lame. Otherwise, Gen 1 has a lot of "my favorite is a pre-evo." Eevee, yes Vulpix over Ninetales in this moment, and most critically, Kadabra over Alakazam. Kadabra is, at least at present, my favorite Gen 1 mon again. Just like when I was a lad. I loved Kadabra. One that I think might stand out is Nidoran-Male. There are plenty of Poison types, but truth be told? I always just thought Nidoran-Male was super cute. I love its big ears. It's not the same when it starts evolving.

GEN 2 I feel like none of this should be surprising, and I'm sleepy, so moving on.

GEN 3 Gen 3 has excellent Pokemon, I love them. Illumise is a bit of an odd pick, but I had a really fun AlphaSapphire run one time that ran Illumise and it did pretty well, endearing it to me. Otherwise...yeah, actually, Mega Mawile is preferred over Gardevoir at this time. I miss it so bad...

GEN 4 Despite my love of Gen 4, I feel like a large draw is its legends. A lot of these feel like filling in a box. That said, Mesprit. There are so many good legends, but I'm tired of pretending Mesprit isn't my favorite.

GEN 5 Lilligant Sweep. Honestly, looking back at how much I love so many Gen 5 designs, it's nuts to think that people hated on it. Also we're back to having pre-evos as favorites. Frillish is better than Jellicent, with the pink one being my favorite, while I also just like Dewott better than Samurott, and think it's the best starter form of the generation.

GEN 6 Okay, so at this point, I should mention: I decided to put something different in each box, to avoid just spamming certain favorites. That was ill advised when you get to gens 6-8, given how few new additions there really were. So much of this feels like picking something. That said, special shoutouts to Gourgeist, who is legitimately one of my favorites ever, but cannot compete with Lilligant.

GEN 7 UB Sweep. Also, I love Pikipek. I love Trumbeak. I don't really love Toucannon. I loved woodpeckers, and was really excited by having one, but then it evolves and it's like sure, this makes sense. Morelull was the worse outcome, but the short is Gen 7 really did not endear itself to me with the evolution decisions. It did, however, endear itself via Moon Bat and the Ultra Beasts. Nihilego being the easy favorite. Like, come on.

GEN 8 Man, thank god for Legends Arceus, am I right? If it's from legends, safe to assume it's actually my favorite. If it's from Galar, it's like a 50/50 I was just filling a spot. That said, I am here to pick fights right now. Thievul is cute, y'all are just mean, and I fucking love Indeedee. Great shit.

GEN 9 I happen to like Paldea quite a lot. That said, wow do Ice and Bug not have much going on. Ice is especially painful, but I actually do like Frigibax. I saw it first in the evolution line and was like oh hey, that's a pretty cool dragon thing, and it's Ice type that's crazy! And then I saw its pre-evo form and was like oh, that's not so good. And then I saw its final form and was like "well that's not too bad" until I saw it move. It's not great. But the rest I legitimately love. Arboliva, Ceruledge, Espathra, Glimmora, Bellibolt, and yes all of the Meowscarada line. They're really good.

MISCELLANEOUS Not a ton to mention in the special section, but I'll comment on a bit. Spearow line is great, they're just vilified because of the anime. But if you think about it, Pidgey spams Sand Attack and is a little punk-ass bitch with Whirlwind when it evolves, while Spearow is an honorable warrior. Chingling is probably my favorite baby? I briefly debated Smoochum solely for being not-Jynx, before decided I didn't really like that one either. Flareon is my favorite Eeveelution but couldn't win over Vulpix, so it just...never got to appear. I'm sorry, I just love the Vulpix line so much.

OVERALL I assume none of these final decisions are surprising, so instead, here's the official ranking of each within the favorites (just the 18 types):

Lilligant - Absolute favorite, I adore Lilligant.

Nihilego - Very, very close second, I love this space jellyfish that deletes your personality.

Gardevoir - I can't help myself, I just love Gardevoir. It's such a good design.

Mawile - While Mega Mawile won out over Gardevoir overall, I think that's as much sadness over losing it as actually preferring it. They're pretty evenly matched, but without the mega, I think Gardevoir pulls ahead.

Mesprit - Emotion gremlin, I love you Mesprit, it's so cute and I am instantly drawn to emotion things.

Kingdra - I actually really love Kingdra. I think it's the Johto thing, and the strong association with Clair, who is a favorite. It's also just a cool dragon, like look at that thing.

Glaceon - Eeveelutions suck so bad, and I'm so mad about it, but I love you Glaceon, you and Flareon are hot garbage but you're my favorites.

Iron Valiant - Iron Valiant is so goddamn cool, what a good Paradox Pokemon. I just...wish I had more time with it, you know? Maybe over time it'll climb up, but I think it's just too...locked to one of the very last things you can do to attach.

Mismagius - Super cool ghost witch. Love this thing.

Milotic - It's very pretty, and it's one of the few Water types I stronly respect. I'm sorry, I don't love Water types.

Indeedee - Look, Indeedee's my girl. It's such a cute little design, I love that it got Psychic Terrain on entry, I'm dying for Pokemon Masters to give Caitlin or Darach one of these things. It's so good.

Braixen - Fennekin is the best starter ever designed, and Braixen is therefore the best by virtue of being the best iteration within that evolutionary line. REALLY wish it were Psychic type.

Krookodile - It's just a really cool thing. I wind up using Krookodile like every time I play Gen 5, it's just such a cool thing.

Diancie - You should be higher, but Pokemon is terrible with how mythic Pokemon are distributed so I just don't have enough direct engagement with it.

Vespiquen - This is the coolest bug. And it's also one of the shittiest. Life's not fair, is it?

Meowscarada - I actually do really like Meowscarada. I think it's a cool concept, and for a humanoid creature like we feared, it actually didn't turn out as bad as I expected.

Ampharos - Electric is one of my least favorites types, but Ampharos line is just so cute. Look at this thing. That is a friend.

Noctowl - I just think it's the coolest regional bird, and deserves more respect.

#pokemon #pokemon tier list

[professionallydeadinside]

Oh yeah bro the creator is probably a great guy and he should in no way at all be getting hate or death threats or anything of the sort. Criticism? Absolutely, this comic is ass shit hotdog water, but criticism is, obviously, different from actually threatening the guy.

And I would also like to say this comic would be more redeemable if it was advertised differently, which is definitely something I would tell him if I could. If the comic was more advertised as just something he likes and his own little passion project? Sure, it’d still be absolute shite, but its his own shite so who cares. But by advertising it and giving it this reputation of amazing queer and gay representation, you’re inviting a lot more pressure than this comic can handle, which is something else I would say to him. If the comic had no intent or even rumour of being good gay rep, that’d be different. I also think its a problem because it’s one of the few, and maybe even only, comic about a poly relationship thats in such an accessible place. Yes there are almost absolutely poly comics elsewhere on the internet, I’m fucking sure of it, and people have poly oc’s that they may write or draw about, but they aren’t on webtoon and, most importantly, they aren’t being advertised on YouTube and other huge websites. I don’t know Webtoon decides what comics to use to advertise, and I don’t pretend to know, but regardless of whether you have to submit the comic or Webtoon just emails you and asks for permission to use it, there’s still some responsibility on the creator. If this comic really was just for the creators personal fun, that’s totally fair! You’re allowed to make shit stories when they’re for you and some friends! And the occasional enjoyer! That’s so fair and valid! Make shit stories, it’s how you learn! But by allowing it to become an ad, it’s now forced to stand on its own against the mass public. That means criticism, that means meticulously being picked apart. That means realising that your fun can hurt people. Again, I think that if Boyfriends had never been used in ads, these problems wouldn’t exist, or would be much lesser. But by being an ad, it

1) gains the idea that its amazing. You’d think that choosing something to be an ad for your website means it’d be an amazing thing. You wouldn’t want, like, FF.net to use My Immortal as an ad (even though that would be a great marketing tactic because of its notoriety its an objectively bad fic). Its that thought that brings people in to that comic with extremely high hopes. Those high hopes aren’t good for a comic that would almost certainly be better as a goofy comic thats known by very few and is very much just shown to those that would enjoy it, those that search it out.

2) is shown to people who wouldn’t enjoy this comic. Instead of keeping it hidden and almost underground, where the only ones who see it are those that search it out and thusly would enjoy it. By showing it to a wide audience like the ads on YouTube did, not even only showing them before gay creators videos!, its opening the door for people who wouldn’t actually enjoy this comic and how it works, and that’s something that shouldn’t happen.

3) it’s given a reputation. By being a comic about gays in a poly relationship, something horrendously underrepresented, and by showing this comic to so many, it’s automatically expected to be a great demonstration of poly relationships. It isn’t. This isn’t a great demonstration of poly relationships. One forth of the relationship only cares about the others for sex.

These are all things that I wish, I wish, the creator would’ve realised before agreeing to let their comic be used in ads. Of course, this is assuming that webtoon even asked permission to use the comic, but I don’t know enough about how Webtoon chooses comics for ads to say anything. I wish the creator had realised or someone had told them that this comic simply cannot stand up in the face of the mass public. It is a comic for a very specific kind of person, with very specific interests in their comics they ingest. Its for people who like the cutesy anime kawaii-without-understanding-that-kawaii-was-made-as-Japanese-punk-rebellion aesthetics with OWO UWU humour. Its not for everyone. Its not even for most people. It’s very sad to me that something they made for likely their own enjoyment was thrust in front of the public where it was essentially thrown to the wolves. But it happened, and the creator presumably consented to it being put here, in front of us all, shoved in our faces by Webtoons ads, and so it will thusly be ripped to shreds and critiqued. By putting it in such a lime light, the creator has, inadvertently or not, invited such criticism. While they don’t deserve threats or to feel unsafe, they allowed their comic to be shown like it was, and thusly, I feel, cannot complain about the consequences of that action.

SILAS RANT RETURN SILAS RANT RETURN

#i hope you know when you send these i accept them like a teacher being handed an essay #answered

[scarsmood]

may i ask why you support endogenic systems? genuinely curious on your thoughts on it.

Tldr; they’re cool. Idm. The rest of this devolves into me bursting into flames. So popcorn is recommended.

They fuck, putting on my little shit glasses. Here’s what I can say diagnostic criteria as someone with diagnosed DID is kinda fucking awful. Our system for people with mental illnesses isn’t comprehensive, it isn’t all knowing, we also don’t account for so much shit it’s scary.

I have so many endogenic friends. I can’t give a fuck. Their existence doesn’t effect mine. Language is a different story something I see a lot. My only ask is that an endogenic system doesnt claim they fully understand a DID system which ive seen in syscourse. That’s just not gonna happen similar to lived experiences issues. Their different experiences and thats fine.

I think tolerance is a better word for me. Because i am system aggressive and it doesnt discriminate. You put me near other systems because of previous abuse from other traumagenic systems im prone to lash out. I just can’t conntect well like I used to.

So i tolerate all of you. Equally. I don’t see a reason to discriminate. I’ve seen some abuse on both ends and don’t think its a systematic issue rather a individuals are assholes problem.

Honestly? Seems more like a huge distraction to have a little war this way to distract from the rampant abuse all systems face. We should all agree its bullshit theres no accommodations, systems aren’t prevalent in academics yet. Thats a bigger issue. If you wanna spend time helping people with say DID or accomodations related to their plurality id take a dip into academic papers and see how bad it really is.

Let’s set the stage and remind ourselves.

In 2010 it was okay to force integrate systems

In the early 2000’s and 90’s endogenics and traumagenic systems didnt have much of any significant voice in medical settings. Typically treated as schitzophrenia for BOTH.

In the 1980’s it was okay and normal to overdose a paitent with DID and kill them. Then claim it was an alter.

When i see people fight over endogenic systems. I want to scream st them thats not the point. When I was being told by my first therapist to be very careful as a 14 year old because its a very real fear i will be experimented on without my consent.

I wonder why the FUCK endogenics are even on peoples radar. When I do intensive EMDR for years that cost me thousands of dollars out of pocket. I work fulltime jobs JUST to go to therapy.

This blog is my fun haha blog where I go to disconnect. Tomorrow im waking up at 7am to drive for intensive therapy getting myself in debt and picking up new meds for my DID.

Nothing about plurality is even remotely safe yet. Not safe enough to bicker about why endos should stay in their lane. We have a common enemy. Endogenic systems have so much information to. They know how to communicate without dissociation. I envy thag because DID costs me past 7k its a car at this point. Probably more.

Why would i not support someone whose got their shit figured out? I respect the hell out of that. I just don’t see why their an issue. Not when I have to listen to my disability officer tell me im not disabled enough. I have to argue with someone dipshit that my pain isn’t farfetched and I will experience very real consequences without accommodations.

I love playing the victim though. Traumagenic systems are noteably more unstable than endogenic systems. We are literally disordered. Im system aggressive because i cannot stand to see functionality in other systems. Ive watched traumagenic systems tear into endogenics, raid their spaces and spew hate in the name of ???

Happens on both sides. Like i said but its easier to pretend were the victims. Im just very tired of going through therapy, life, and social interactions at a disadvantage. Endogenic systems remind me theres people like me who are a little different who maybe arent as fucked. I think thats cool. Because its hard for me to tell if im gonna make it or not. I like the inspiration.

You caught me at a bad time anon ask me again after im done with some of the hardest choices ive had to make in my life

#rant #tw

[onwriting-hrarby]

today i am annoyed

I'm annoyed at some comments with the Blackpink comeback. The song is NOT good. Blackpink's songs have NOT been good for years. Teddy is a disaster as a producer, and the girls do NOT deserve it. Explaining or giving your opinion does not make you a hater, or an "anti-fan" or not "a true blink". Defending everything they do just because "you're a fan" is completely disrespectful to their work (because they cannot learn from it) and to other bands who, honestly, are doing quite a better job. We can call Blackpink a lot of things (they are iconic, for one; the girls have charisma, they are one of the best dancers around, they are really homogenous and god, they've been 6 years in the industry killing the same concept and vibe), but to pretend that what YG and Teddy are doing is "a good job" (when they've barely been promoting their comebacks, and every comeback takes two years) is a stretch, and that doesn't make a gaslighter or an anti. It makes me have a mf opinion and criticism.

Also tired of the same shit in EM community. I saw a writer deactivate all their accounts and delete their story because, probably, they've gotten hate over it. It pisses me off how this community feels entitled enough to mistreat their writers or "cult" them. You're either in the cult or you're a f pariah. The accounts that are *thankfully* promoting works are professional, but a lot of accounts with a great following should be more careful what they say or do, know their actions carry consequences towards smaller creators or smaller accounts. They live for the pairing and, honestly? It's just CARTOONS. It's just FICTION. You're all getting overheated for someone shipping other ships? Not to mention the banalization of words which I have expressed over and over because it pisses me off everytimes I see "M*** is with J*** out of pity" / "Those shippers are pedophilic" / "You tolerate incest" / "You're a racist" / "This is grooming". Oh my god. I wish you NEVER encounter groomers, pedophiles, racists and true pity in your life, man, or you'll explode.

And also very tired of this same community and the kpop community for thinking that... 25 is old? 21? I've seen today "You're 21 too old to be staning kpop", or a lot of twitter accounts saying "i'm a minor, +25 dni". What do you mean do not interact? I'm not your fucking mom. You should be wary of the internet yourself, do not put the responsibility in me to take care of a kid who can't stand different opinions and the hellish of a site that is the internet. If you can't curate your own content that is absolutely your problem and maybe it signals that you should be outside touching some grass with people your age instead of trying to control the narrative of an space that wasn't tailored to you in the first place, as I'm sure your school courses on "Internet Safety" have taught you. Internet became famous because of a sex tape between Pam and Tony, so grow the fuck up and I truly hope that when you blow your 25 year-old-candles you have your life figured out as an adult, because I can tell you that not knowing what to do with your life, not having good housing, or a good salary, or everything that the adults are supposed to have, are struggles that comes with 25 and older.

#needed to vent

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

The Ultimate (Fake) Boyfriend.

Hey all!! So!! I don't know how many people read my last thingy for that top-five ask game, but either way, while answering one I was reminded of an old WIP I had started writing last August, but faced horribly writer's block for, and is now sadly stuck in WIP hell.

Well, I have 3 full chapters written, as well as most of the fourth chapter. And while I don't want to post it to AO3 when I don't know if I'll ever finish it, I realized that I COULD post it here! So, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to post the first chapter now, and I'll try to post the next chapter tomorrow, so on until the fourth, half finished chapter. I don't know if I'll be able to keep this schedule, considering I'm sick and will prolly be working tomorrow regardless (I want to, I enjoy my job and am feeling better), but I'll try.

Please let me know if you like this story! I cannot guarantee this will ever be finished, but if people do like this story, it might help inspire me to write more. Again, no promises, but... maybe? Who knows.

Anyway, here is a quickly written summary. It's a bit weak and I'd definitely need to refine it should I post this to AO3, but it should give a basic idea of this fic:

Taka tells his first ever lie to his family. Unbeknownst to him, this simple lie has large (to him) consequences, and in order to calm his kyoudai down, Mondo offers to help him out. Unfortunately, this leads to them spending a week together at Taka’s maternal family reunion. This wouldn’t be so bad, except there’s one catch: they have to pretend to be in a loving, committed relationship to prevent Taka’s meddling Great Aunt from setting Taka up with her neighbor’s son. Will their friendship survive a week of pretending to date? Or will everything fall apart? Mondo has no clue, but as long as he’s with Taka, he’s willing to face anything life sends his way.

If it’s not clear from that, this is a fake dating AU, ha. 

Warning: This whole thing is about 15k words long, though a lot of that is me giving you a run down of the OC’s I created to be Taka’s family. And believe me, there are a LOT. That was part of what caused me writer’s block; there were just too many characters to keep track of, but if I eliminated some of them, some crucial plot points later on wouldn’t work. So... yeah. Oof. 

I hope y’all enjoy! I’m exhausted right now, so I’m not gonna write much more here. Let me know if you’re confused by anything! I can either fix it or explain it if it’s not clear. ^-^

 1 The Ultimate (Fake) Boyfriend. 

 Mondo looks up in surprise when he hears the doorbell to his room begin to ring incessantly, a confused frown rising on his lips. The textbook he’d been trying (and /failing/) to read lies forgotten in his lap as he checks the time, wondering who the fuck wants his attention so bad at fucking /midnight/, for Christ’s sake. Maybe if he ignores it, it will go away…?

 When the ringing (predictably) doesn’t stop, Mondo sighs heavily and stands, annoyance filling him as he lumbers over to the door. It’s a good thing he’s always been a night owl and hadn’t even been attempting sleep, or else he’d be even more pissed. As it stands, he’s still kind of pissed at the incessant ringing. Seriously, who the fuck rings the doorbell that many fucking times?!

 “Alright, alright, I’m fuckin’ comin’!” he growls as he approaches the door, loud enough to penetrate the thick wood. He sadly has only a second to appreciate the abrupt silence before he reaches the door, a scowl deep on his face as he opens it up angrily, glaring at whoever is on the other side. Who he can’t even see, given how fucking dark it is in the hallway, shit. “The fuck d’ya want, huh?!”

 Mondo doesn’t even have time for his eyes to adjust to the darkness outside his room when he is being shoved aside, the person outside his room suddenly /inside his room, what the fuck/-?!

 “Hey! What the goddamn fuck d’ya think yer doin’-?!” Mondo begins to exclaim, only to be abruptly stopped when the person turns to face him, hands imperiously planted on thin hips, a burning glare now harsh on his person. A burning glare he suddenly realizes he /recognizes/, shit. 

 “Language, kyoudai! We’ve talked about this!” his unexpected visitor exclaims loudly, looking very agitated. More agitated than usual, Mondo thinks privately, closing his door before they wake any of their classmates. While the dorms are thankfully soundproof, he knows for a fact that some of his dumbass classmates forget to fully close their doors at night. It’s a good thing they don’t have to worry about robbers or serial killers at Hope’s Peak, Jesus Christ…

 “Y’know,” Mondo begins, voice far calmer and less annoyed than it had been as his eyes take in the familiar form before him, “I don’t think that shit applies when someone barges inta yer room unannounced at fuckin’ midnight, kyoudai. Think I’m fuckin’ ‘entitled’ ta curse when that shit happens. The fuck ya even doin’ up this late, huh, Taka? Ain’t ya usu’ly asleep by now? ‘Cuz a’ yer schedule or somethin’?” 

 Mondo watches with critical eyes as Taka— his absolute best friend in this entire goddamn world, though they’re opposites in almost every regard— jolts in surprise, the imperious look on his face dropping off as shock replaces it. He frowns when Taka looks down at his watch, the teen’s eyes widening to the size of saucers as he notices the time. Ah… shit. Taka’s in one of /those/ kinda moods again. The kind where he doesn’t even notice the time, he’s so invested in whatever bullshit he’s working on. Great. Just fucking peachy. 

 With a sigh, Mondo heads over to his desk and grabs one of the energy drinks he left open earlier, knowing that he sure as hell ain’t getting any sleep now. Not when Taka’s like this. Like fuck would he leave his friend in such a state on his own, and it often takes hours to calm Taka down when he gets like this. Not that Mondo minds. He’s fairly certain he’d do absolutely anything for this fussy bastard…

 “Ah! Mondo, I am so sorry, I- I hadn’t noticed the time! I hope I didn’t wake you! I will let you get back to sleep and will come back at a more reasonable time of day, I assure you-“

 “Taka,” Mondo interrupts blandly, taking a sip of the vile liquid he regrettably has gotten used to over the years, “sit the fuck down an’ tell me what’s got ya in such a fuckin’ ‘tizzy’. Just don’t call me out on my goddamn /language/, shit. Too late ta bother with that shit.” 

 He can see Taka visibly hesitate at the order, his sense of propriety and responsibility warring with whatever caused him to get into this state in the first place. After a moment of debate, Taka hesitantly nods, striding to his bed and taking a stiff seat. Stifling a smile at the typical behavior, Mondo takes a much more leisurely and sprawling seat beside his friend, an eyebrow raised when Taka gives him a wide-eyed look. 

 “So? The fuck’s yer problem this time?” Mondo asks after a moment of silence passes, Taka staying uncharacteristically quiet. Usually when this sort of thing happens, the hall monitor is babbling away about whatever bullshit is bugging him that day, no filter at all, but today Taka is just staring at him, worrying his lip as he fucking /fidgets/. That, out of all of this, worries Mondo the most. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen Taka /fidget/ before. The uptight hall monitor usually hates such ‘unscrupulous’ behavior, whatever that shit means. So, to see him doing it is very, very concerning. 

 “A-ah… p-perhaps I shouldn’t have bothered you about this after all, kyoudai… i-it truly isn’t anything important, it really can wait until morning! I- I should be going and allow you to sleep, it’s really nothing, I’m not even sure why I came over here, h-ha… d-do not worry about me, kyoudai, I’ll just be going and-“

 Mondo reaches out and grabs Taka wrist before the teen can fully stand, putting on his best ‘you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me’ face when he sees Taka look back down at him nervously. 

 “Taka. I’ve already drunk halfa’ this fuckin’ energy drink. Like hell am I gettin’ ta sleep now. So, sit yer pasty ass back down an’ tell me what the fuck is happenin’ ‘fore I fuckin’ punch ya, goddamn. Got it?” 

 Taka shuffles in place, his back bent awkwardly as he accommodates for Mondo’s firm grip on his wrist. His face is full of anxiety, which guts Mondo, though he tries to hide it. Christ, but he hates seeing his kyoudai like this… he’s tried his hardest this past year to get Taka to loosen up and stop being so obsessive about being perfect all the time, but even after all his effort, the hall monitor still suffers from such intense anxiety at times. Mondo hates it, but he has no idea how to get Taka to realize it’s okay to not try to be so perfect all the fucking time. That he’s allowed to fuck up and make mistakes. That no one expects him to be his absolute best all the time. That /Mondo/ doesn’t expect that. That Mondo doesn’t /want/ that. Not at all. 

 Before Mondo can say anything unbearably sappy and ruin his tough guy persona more than he already has, he hears Taka sigh, the teen sitting back down, though he has an intensely uncomfortable look on his face. Shit… the fuck is wrong with Taka to make him look so troubled…?

 “… you’d never hit me, kyoudai,” Taka mutters as he shifts on the bed, eyes staring absently at Mondo’s hand. Which— he realizes with a jolt— is still wrapped tightly around Taka’s wrist. Flushing, Mondo takes his hand back, raising it to rub his neck awkwardly like he always does when uncomfortable or uncertain about shit. 

 His eyes get pulled back to Taka when he hears the teen sigh, heart tugging at the intensely troubled look he finds on his kyoudai’s face. He’s seen plenty of troubled looks on Taka’s face over the past year, but this… this is among the worst he’s ever seen it. Taka looks five seconds away from bursting into tears— which honestly isn’t unusual with the hall monitor, as in tune as he is with his emotions, but… shit. Something about this time seems worse somehow. 

 It’s after another ten seconds have passed in uncomfortable silence— Mondo not sure what to say to make this shit better— that Taka finally begins to speak, looking up at him with tired eyes. 

 “I… I really don’t know where to even begin, kyoudai… I don’t even know why I came over. I had decided earlier today that I would handle this on my own, that I wouldn’t bother you with my stupidity. After all, this entire mess is my own fault and thus I should be the one to clean it up, not you! But… I- I do not know. I was just thinking about you and suddenly I found myself outside your door, not even realizing the time. You… you always know how to fix tricky situations, kyoudai… I envy that about you…” 

 Mondo decides then and there that he /despises/ the sad look Taka has on his face, suddenly determined to do whatever it takes to make it go away. Filled with this onslaught of determination, Mondo puts a steady hand on Taka’s shoulder, ignoring the startled jump the teen gives at the touch. 

 “Taka. I don’t care what the fuck it is ya did. Hell, ya coulda’ fuckin’ killed a dude fer all I care. I will always, fuckin’ /always/ be here ta help ya out. Now, where’s the goddamn body an’ where d’ya wanna hide it, huh?” 

 Like Mondo had expected, the sad looks get replaced by a stern one, the very familiar glare strangely comforting to see. As is the small smile that his best friend can’t fight, despite his clear best efforts to be serious. Ha. Take that, Taka’s anxiety. 

 “Mondo Owada, that is not funny! Abetting a murderer is a serious crime! Besides! If I were ever to do such a heinous act, for whatever inconceivable reason, I assure you that I would immediately turn myself over to the authorities without question! I would decidedly not attempt to hide it! Hiding such a criminal act is almost as bad as committing it, I assure you!” 

 Mondo can’t help it. He laughs loudly, grateful the rooms are soundproof so he won’t have to deal with a crabby Togami bitching at him in the morning. Seeing Taka’s lips twitch upward— though the hall monitor stubbornly tries to fight it— Mondo can’t help how he leans forward and pokes Taka’s cheek cheekily. Even the peeved scowl can’t stop the buoyancy filling his heart. Not when he can still see the smile trying to fight its way onto Taka’s lips. 

 “Oh yeah? If it ain’t funny, why the fuck ya smilin’?” Mondo taunts, snickering as Taka’s scowl intensifies. He doesn’t even fight it when Taka’s hand slaps his away in annoyance, too amused to mind the mild sting. ‘Sides. Ain’t like he’s not faced much worse. 

 “I-! That is entirely beside the point, Mondo! It’s still a crime!” Taka blusters, cheeks pink. But hey, at least that anxiety is no longer on his face. Thank /fuck/.

 Like the hall monitor heard his thoughts and is determined to prove him wrong, Mondo watches in dismay as the lightness that had momentarily entered his kyoudai’s expression fades, the anxiety returning with a vengeance. It hurts so fucking bad to see it and Mondo only just barely manages to suppress the desire to wrap his arms around Taka and take away each and every worry the teen has ever had. Barely. 

 Sighing unhappily, Taka looks away from Mondo, his hands fiddling with the uniform he’s still wearing. Even at fucking midnight. If Mondo didn’t know better, he’d think Taka even /sleeps/ in the goddamn thing. But no. Taka sleeps in the goddamn /nude/. A fact he definitely didn’t learn the hard way, thank you very much… 

 “Anyway. M-Mondo. You… er. You know that my mother’s side of the family is having a family gathering shortly after break begins, yes?” Taka states suddenly, pulling Mondo away from a /very/ inappropriate memory, shit. Blinking, Mondo tries to recall what the fuck Taka is talking about, only remembering as Taka gets an exasperated look on his face, his eyes lighting up as he remembers. 

 “Oh, yeah! That annual family reunion bullshit ya’ve been dreadin’ fer weeks, right?” Mondo questions, not thinking about his words. He winces at Taka’s unimpressed look, smiling sheepishly to show his apology at his thoughtless statement. Luckily, Taka decides not to lecture him (for once…) and just sighs, shaking his head in a way Mondo likes to think is fond. 

 “I’m not /dreading/ it, per se, just… well. There are some very… /interesting/ people on my mother’s side of the family and the gathering is often uncomfortable for me, that’s all,” Taka explains, before pausing again. With another sigh (at least the fifth or sixth he’s heard that night, which is honestly hella concerning considering how Taka rarely allows himself to show such ‘weakness,’ or whatever), Taka looks at the floor, hands wringing anxiously. “Well, anyway… y-you also know that I, um… that I /came out/ to my family earlier this year, yes?” 

 Mondo blinks at the question, feeling a simmering anger rise inside him. Not at Taka, fuck no! But just… at that entire fucking situation. He doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the pained and terrified look Taka got on his face after he’d told Mondo that he was gay a few days before winter break last year, tears streaming down his face as he insisted that he understood if Mondo hated and wanted to ‘punish’ him now. He’d held Taka the entire night, whispering softly that he’d never hate him, that he didn’t fucking care who the teen was and wasn’t attracted to, and that he would always, /always/ view Taka as his absolute best friend in this entire goddamn world, no matter what. He’d been massively embarrassed by it in the morning, remembering how soft and sappy he’d gotten, but he had never fully regretted it. Not with how light and happy Taka had looked for days after, like the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. No… he definitely didn’t regret that at all. 

 Telling his family hadn’t gone quite as well, Taka had informed him softly when they arrived back at school in January, his da initially resistant to the idea. Thankfully, over time his da began to accept Taka fully, his ma wearing the man down. Taka had obviously forgiven the man immediately when he apologized, as much of a martyr as his kyoudai is. Mondo, on the other hand, doesn’t think he’ll ever forgive the man for making Taka think— for even one second— that there was something wrong with him for liking dudes over chicks. He never tells Taka that, though, as he knows it’s a sore subject with his kyoudai. 

 Still… if whatever’s got Taka in such a nervous state is related to him coming out… 

 “Shit. One a’ yer relatives ain’t makin’ a fuss over that shit, are they?! ‘Cuz if they are… shit! Tell me their names an’ addresses an’ I’ll make sure they don’t ever fuckin’ bother ya again, kyoudai! That’s a fuckin’ promise!” Mondo bursts out, his simmering anger flaring brightly inside of him at the thought of Taka getting harassed about his sexuality. He /hates/ shit like that, doubly so when it’s directed towards Taka. Mondo legit would have broken Togami’s nose for his derisive comment after Taka came out to the class a few weeks into the winter quarter, if Taka hadn’t regretfully stopped him before he could. He’d gotten an hour-long lecture about how violence solves nothing, and judging by the stern look that rises on Taka’s face, he has a feeling he’s about to have a similar lecture now… 

 “That is highly unnecessary, Mondo! As I’ve told you countless times, violence solves nothing! Besides, this is my family we are speaking of and I will not allow you to harm any of them!” Taka exclaims forcefully, his glare as intense as ever. Taka quickly calms himself— before Mondo can reply that he doesn’t fucking care if they’re family, not if they’re hurting his kyoudai— his shoulders loosening as he lets out a soft sigh. /Again/. “But no, Mondo. That… that’s not the problem. In fact, that’s kind of the /opposite/ of my problem!” 

 At Mondo’s baffled look, Taka sighs again (fuck, this must be so fucking bad… Mondo can feel his own anxiety spike at the thought), shaking his head ruefully. He even lets out a humorless chuckle, eyes holding a sort of wry humor inside them. 

 “Yes, I understand how baffling that sounds, but it’s true. I… have told you about my great aunt Hana, yes? How she and my mother are so close that she is pretty much an honorary grandmother to me?” Taka pauses, looking at him intently. At Mondo’s slow nod, Taka continues. “Well… out of my entire extended family, she is the one who accepted my orientation the most, according to mother. Apparently she has had dalliances with women in her past, though she eventually fell in love with my great uncle Akiro and settled down with him. She even identifies as bisexual now, after I helped teach her about the LGBTQIA+ community over the break!” 

 Mondo has to stifle his dopey grin at Taka’s prideful expression, the teen puffing his chest out with his pride. The look quickly fades back into anxiety, but Mondo still privately relishes having seen the look even for a second. 

 “Anyway… as you know, back before I came out, she was always very concerned about me, asking mother if I had found a girlfriend yet, if I’d begun thinking about dating and things like that. Many family members had, in fact, especially at our family gathering. When I came out, I had hoped that such a thing would stop and I wouldn’t have to deal with that again this year, naively thinking that now that they knew the truth, they’d stop bothering me over such nonsense. And yet…” 

 Taka trails off, biting his lip so harshly Mondo is afraid he’s going to split it. Not thinking, Mondo lifts his hand and gently pulls the abused flesh free, something he’s always done when Taka bites his lip too harshly. He doesn’t notice Taka’s flush, though, and just hums thoughtfully, nodding in sympathy. 

 “Ah, yer family’s still buggin’ ya over that shit then, huh? Shit, glad I don’t gotta worry ‘bout that kinda thing. Dai ain’t stupid enough ta ask ‘bout that shit, thank fuck, an’ he’s the only family I got. So, the problem is that yer afraid that they’re gonna harass ya over it, then? Fuck, man. Ya know my advice. A little punch ta the face clears that shit right up, promise ya that…”

 Mondo grins at the glare Taka gives him, not intimidated in the slightest. He doesn’t even flinch when Taka lightly slaps his chest, his grin growing wider at his kyoudai’s obvious annoyance. He knows it’s not real. Well… no, it is real, Taka’s so fucking emotive he could never fake anything, but he knows it’s not bad. 

 “Mondo! What did I just say about threatening violence to my family?!” Taka glares, forcing another loud bark of laughter from Mondo. Shaking his head— a small smile unsuccessfully masked on his face— Taka quickly continues. “/Anyway/. No, that’s not my problem. If it were, I wouldn’t be so worried! I’ve handled my family’s invasiveness before, after all, and I am positive I could handle it again, even if it makes me highly uncomfortable! So… /no/, that isn’t my problem.”

 Taka pauses again, his squirming getting worse by the second. It’s Mondo’s turn to let out a loud sigh as the silence mounts, gulping down the last of his energy drink and tossing the can to the side carelessly. Ignoring Taka’s indignant glare at the litter, Mondo rolls his eyes and leans back on his now free hands, eyebrow raised lazily as he gives his kyoudai a Look. He doesn’t notice how his thumb lightly brushes Taka’s hip, nor does he notice the bright flush rising on Taka’s face, not with how frustrated he is with Taka’s long winded storytelling. Fuck, he adores his kyoudai, he truly does, but the dude is absolutely shit at getting to the goddamn point sometimes…

 “Okay. Fine, got that. Not the fuckin’ ‘invasiveness.’ Then what the fuck /is/ yer problem, man? ‘Cuz I gotta say, much as I love talkin’ ta ya, it’s kinda late as shit, an’ I would like ta know what the problem is so we can fuckin’ /problem solve/, or whatever ya call it. Promise I won’t get mad at ya or anythin’, okay? Just… get ta the goddamn point…” 

 Taka’s glare intensifies, an indignant scoff escaping the usually poised hall monitor. Mondo forces down the rush of pleasure at the thought that he’s the only one to see Taka so laid back (which is barely laid back at all by any normal standards, but is entirely /indecent/ by Taka’s), instead focusing on listening as Taka starts talking again, his voice clipped and annoyed. Ha. Adorable. 

 “I was gettin’ there, kyoudai! You must learn to be patient!” Taka snaps, pout bright on his lips. Which is even more adorable, shit… “As I was saying! I… I… well. I don’t /like/ the invasive questions. I never have, and at first I thought it was because I am… y-you know… /gay/. And I just disliked that my family kept asking when I was going to get a /girl/friend. However…”

 Taka pauses again, but continues fast enough that Mondo doesn’t have to prompt him again. Thank fuck. 

 “However. Mother informed me yesterday that Great Aunt Hana had something she wished to speak with me about urgently and that I should call her as soon as I was able. Considering I had my final Public Morals Committee meeting of the quarter yesterday, not to mention that intensive study session with all of our classmates, I didn’t have time to call then. I vowed to call today, however, which I did as soon as I was able! Which was unfortunately just after dinner… aha.” 

 Mondo fights hard to not roll his eyes at Taka’s rambling, knowing that it’s just his kyoudai’s way of working through his nerves. Still… it can be annoying as fuck sometimes… he really fucking hopes Taka gets to the point soon. While he’s wide awake thanks to the energy drink, he has never been the kinda guy to just sit around and talk about shit. He’s more an action driven, hands on kinda guy, ya know? More punching, less talking. It’s a miracle he and Taka get along so well, honestly… he zones out a bit as Taka rambles about how sorry he’d been that he couldn’t call sooner, that he’d apologized ‘profusely’ when his aunt had answered the phone, how she’d forgiven him immediately, yadda yadda… he only tunes back into Taka’s rambling when it seems he’s finally getting to his goddamn point. 

 “-anyway, after a couple minutes of talking about school, she… well. She began talking to me about these neighbors of hers that recently moved in after the Mori family sold their rice fields last Autumn. At first, I didn’t see anything odd about the conversation, she’s always been the type to ramble about any random nonsense, not caring at all about how busy my schedule is. It’s why I rarely call her if I can help it, despite how rude it makes me,” Taka claims, hypocrite that he is. Ha. “But… after a few more minutes of this, she began to talk about the /son/ of her neighbors. Saying that he’s about my age, a year or so older and in his first year of university, and that he’s also going to be on break during that week. And then she… s-she mentioned that this /son/ happened to be, well… gay. And single.” 

 /That/ got Mondo’s attention. Sitting up straighter, Mondo looks intently at Taka, not caring that the scrutiny makes the hall monitor squirm. Just… just where the fuck is Taka going with this shit, that’s what he’d like to know… 

 “S-she then… well. She then began saying how much of a /catch/ he is, saying that he is very handsome and fit, and that he practices kendo routinely on his family’s side of the rice fields. Often shirtless. And since our family gathering always takes place at Great Aunt Hana’s farm, since she has the most space for all of us to stay, she… she said that she’s invited him and his family to join our family gathering! And that she wants to introduce us to see if we would ‘hit it off’ and possibly start dating!” 

 Taka yells the last part of his diatribe, his face red as a tomato and his eyes firmly planted on the ground. Mondo barely notices this, though, not with how tight his chest suddenly feels. Because… shit, Taka… Taka has a fucking date?! What the goddamn shit?! 

 “Wait, hold the fuck on! Ya got a fuckin’ /date/?! An’ ya didn’t fuckin’ /tell me/?! What the fuck, man?!” 

 Mondo can’t describe the feeling that bubbles through his body then, a tension overcoming him that he absolutely cannot decipher. Before he has any hope to try, Taka looks back up and glares bitterly at him, his teeth bared in his anger. 

 “No! I absolutely do /not/ have a date, no matter what my great aunt says! I did not agree to this meeting and I do not condone it in the slightest! You know that I am focusing on my studies at the moment, kyoudai, and that I do not have the time to deal with a /relationship/, let alone a long distance one! I may be gay, but that doesn’t mean I will jump at the chance to date just anyone! I thought you knew this, kyoudai, but I guess I was wrong!” 

 Mondo winces when he sees the hurt look on Taka’s face, frustrated tears rising in his scarlet eyes, making Mondo feel like shit. Ah, dammit… he hadn’t meant to hurt Taka… he’d just been so fucking shocked, honest. Not to mention… whatever that weird as fuck emotion that just flowed through him was… shit… 

 But he can’t have his kyoudai upset at him. He fucking /refuses/. Slowly, Mondo lifts his hands in surrender, a sheepish smile on his face. 

 “No, shit, I… I knew that, man. Just fuckin’ surprised me, s’all. But I get why yer so tense over this shit… damn, but that fuckin’ sucks. What did ya tell her, that ya weren’t gonna go through with it? Or did ya say nothin’ an’ decide ta power through it like the goddamn martyr ya are, despite how uncomfortable that shit makes ya? Shit… that’s it, ain’t it? Goddamnit, kyoudai…” 

 Taka’s glare is deeper now than before, the teen scoffing and crossing his arms angrily. Oops…

 “I will have you know that I did no such thing! I… I /did/ tell her that I was not interested, as politely as I could! I told her what I tell everyone; that I’m focused on school and that I don’t want to bother with dating someone, especially a stranger. But she… she wouldn’t let it go! She has always been a highly stubborn woman, something that clearly runs in our family, and she wouldn’t take no for an answer! But I… I didn’t want to do it, kyoudai! I’ve never been good at meeting new people, let alone potential /love interests/, and I’ve been so stressed over our final year at Hope’s Peak, and our upcoming midterm exams, and I just… I- I just… I didn’t want to have to deal with this! Not now, not when everything is so stressful! I- I just… I didn’t know what to do, kyoudai! I… I- I…”

 Mondo’s heart breaks when he sees the tears begin to stream down Taka’s face, the teen shaking with the intensity. The stifled sobs kill him more, and he doesn’t have to think before his arms are wrapping around his kyoudai, pulling him as close as humanly possible, his heart aching as Taka clings desperately to him. Goddamnit… he /hates/ seeing Taka like this… he’s always been an emotional person, crying over anything, good or bad. But even still, Mondo hates his tears… especially when they’re as forceful and painful as these… he’d do fucking anything to take his pain away… fucking anything…

 “Hey… hey, Kiyo, it’s okay,” Mondo mumbles softly, saying the name he reserves for the rare moments of softness between the two of them. It always makes Mondo uncomfortable to be so soft with anyone, even Taka, but like he said. He’d do anything to make him feel better… “It ain’t that bad, I promise! Yer amazin’ ta be around an’ any dude would be lucky ta have a catch like you. If this dude don’t immediately fall fer ya, then he’s a goddamn idiot who would never deserve someone as incredible as you. An’ anyway, just ‘cuz the two a’ ya meet don’t mean shit’s gotta happen. Ya can just say ya didn’t hit it off an’ be done with it. Okay, Kiyo? I promise, man. It’s gonna be okay. I /promise/.” 

 Taka sobs harder at his words, which distresses Mondo greatly. He stops talking then and focuses on soothing his emotional kyoudai, rocking him softly like Daiya used to do with him when he was little and needed to be calmed. He shushes Taka softly whenever his breath hitches, rubbing his back as soothingly as he can, his insides squirming at the weakness he’s showing, but he forces it down. It ain’t the fucking time to be worried about his goddamn /reputation/. Not when he’s got his precious as fuck kyoudai to soothe… 

 Finally, after a couple of minutes Taka begins to settle, his body mostly still against Mondo’s save for a couple of sniffles here and there. It makes Mondo’s insides settle to feel Taka relax like this, and while part of him hates himself for it, he can’t help how he kind of adores moments like these. The moments after Taka finishes crying and they’re just embracing each other tenderly like this. Yeah, they hug sometimes in other circumstances, but those are always quick, manly hugs. The kind that end with back slaps and wide grins. This… they don’t really do shit like this often. Holding one another, just listening to the other breathe. It’s… nice. So fucking nice. And he doesn’t even have to shove that thought away, not when he’s so busy ensuring that his kyoudai is okay…

 “Feelin’ better kyoudai?” he mutters after another minute, looking down at the form pressed tightly to his chest. His heart squeezes when he sees Taka look up at him, his red eyes so much more intense with how watery they are. Mondo’s breath stutters at the sight. Fuck… but damn if Taka isn’t beautiful like this… i-in a manly way, of course! Heh… 

 “I… somewhat, kyoudai… but I- I still haven’t said what my problem is…” Taka mumbles, sniffling once. Mondo just blinks at the response, shifting to hold Taka more comfortably against him. Shit… there’s more…? 

 Sighing softly yet again, Taka fucking /snuggles/ into his chest, humming as he draws random shapes on Mondo’s pecs, something he often does in times like these. It had been awkward the first time he’d done it, Taka embarrassed and stammering apologies, explaining he’d not meant to do that, and Mondo flushing bright red at the automatic reaction his body had to the stimuli. But after several minutes of awkward spluttering, Mondo had managed to convince Taka he hadn’t minded, not at all, which Taka took as fucking permission to do it /every goddamn time/ now. Which Mondo doesn’t mind, honest! It just… it sure makes his insides squirm when the teen does it… 

 “I really did not want to have to have that meeting, kyoudai. I do not even really know why I felt so adverse to the offer, but I… I /couldn’t/ do it. I just… couldn’t. A-and you… y-you’ve been teaching me to stand up for myself when I truly don’t want to go through with something, and I guess your training has made a bigger impact in me than I realized. Because… b-because, once I realized that my great aunt wasn’t going to leave me alone about this, I… I decided to /lie/,” Taka confesses, sniffing miserably and burying his face back in Mondo’s chest. Mondo barely notices it, not with how shocked he feels. Taka… Taka fucking /lied/…??? Holy /shit/! Taka /never/ does that shit! As much as the uncharacteristic action concerns him, he also feels a rush of /pride/ flood through him. After all, he’s been trying to get Taka to loosen up on his morals just a little for months now. Lying to his family… now /that’s/ fucking progress!

 Obviously Taka doesn’t feel that way, and Mondo makes sure to listen intently when the teen finally extracts his face from his chest and continues, misery billowing out of him in waves. Fuck… but man, does Mondo hate seeing Taka like this… 

 “I- I don’t even know why I did it, kyoudai. I /hate/ lying, it always makes me feel horrible and it just makes things worse every time. And this time was definitely no exception, but I… I- I do not know. I couldn’t help it. I /really/ didn’t want to meet this man, Mondo. I- I don’t even know why I felt this so vehemently. But I… I did. I didn’t want to meet him, so I lied to my family about it. I… I feel so ashamed! Someone should hit me, I’m so awful!” 

 Mondo’s heart clenches again at the sadly common response from his kyoudai, Taka crying again as he buries his face back into his chest. He always says shit like that when he’s truly distressed about something ‘awful’ he did, like dropping his textbooks on the ground, or making a slightly insensitive comment. Mondo hates it, more so after he learned that Taka does it since his old classmates and teachers used to ‘punish’ him every time he messed up in school, but he knows commenting on it would only distress Taka more. Instead, he just shushes the teen again, fucking /crooning/ down at him like a fucking chick. But whatever. If it helps Taka…

 “Hey, man, it’s okay. It’s okay. Y’ain’t gotta beat yerself up over this. Lyin’ ain’t always a bad thing, don’t worry ‘bout it. Sounds ta me like ya didn’t really have a choice, yer aunt not leavin’ ya alone. Y’ain’t a bad person fer lyin’, kyoudai. Y’ain’t a bad person at all.” 

 Mondo listens as Taka sniffles again, the teen’s eyes peeking up at him from his position on his chest. And the look he gives breaks Mondo’s heart as much as it enlivens him. Fuck… but Taka really is so goddamn pretty… again, in a manly way! Duh!! 

 “I… I do not believe that, kyoudai, but I appreciate the sentiment,” Taka mumbles softly, trying for a small smile. It breaks after a second, but Mondo is so happy to see it at all that he can’t help how he beams at the teen in his arms. Taka takes a deep breath, then, and continues once more. “Okay… I… I should probably tell you what lie I told, as that is the crux of my problems, I know… but I… p-please don’t judge me too harshly, kyoudai… I couldn’t bear it if you hated me for this…” 

 Mondo can’t help the noise of distress he lets out, his arms tightening instinctively around Taka. Because… /fuck/! As if he could ever, /ever/ hate Taka… he tells the teen as much, fervent and forceful, his heart clenching at Taka’s sad smile. 

 “I… thank you, kyoudai. You truly are too kind to me,” Taka sniffles, pulling back enough to look Mondo in the eyes as he tells whatever fucking lie he is so concerned about. It makes Mondo a little regretful to no longer be holding Taka so close, though his hands are still grasping his sides loosely. He quickly forces that thought away. Not the fucking time… “I… w-well, you see. After we argued about this for a little bit, she… she asked me if I had a real reason to not want to meet this man and become acquainted to him. She apparently had already spoken to him about this idea of hers, even showing him my picture, and claimed that he was very interested to get to know me, and that I should at least give him the benefit of the doubt. But I didn’t want to, I really didn’t, so I… when she asked me if I had a real reason to not want to meet with him, I told her that I… that I… I…”

 Taka pauses again, biting his lip harshly again, and Mondo is five seconds away from shaking Taka to force him to spit it out, so fucking curious about what lie Taka told that’s so fucking bad. Knowing Taka it’s prolly something super fucking simple, like just not liking dudes who have names with an odd number of syllables in it, but it’s killing him not to know! In fact, he’s so focused on how much he wants to know this stupid fucking lie, that he almost misses it when Taka finally utters it, his eyes blinking at what he just heard. Because… no. No, Taka /didn’t/ just fucking say that shit, he… he couldn’t have said that he… he…

 “I- I told her that I already have a boyfriend. And that we have been dating for months now.” 

 ~XoxoxoxoxoxoX~ 

 The room is silent for a split second as Mondo contemplates what Taka had just said, the words echoing in his mind over and over, all rational thought fleeing as the words assault him. /I already have a boyfriend. Have a boyfriend. Boyfriend… boyfriend…/ 

 Taka… Taka fucking…

 Taka has a fucking /boyfriend/…?! What the goddamn fuck?!

 “Y-you what?!” Mondo screeches, his voice higher pitched than he’s ever heard it go before, but he doesn’t fucking care. He watches through wide eyes as Taka flinches back from him, the hall monitor looking /freaked the fuck out/, but Mondo doesn’t focus on that, because… because… “You have a goddamn boyfriend?! What the fuck, why didn’t I know about this shit?! Who is it, do I fucking know him?! Fuck, I’m gonna beat the shit outta him, he ain’t fucking good enough fer you, I don’t care who the fuck he is, I-!” 

 “Mondo! What on /earth/ has gotten into you?!” Taka exclaims loudly, cutting off Mondo’s diatribe. Mondo blinks down at his kyoudai, taking in the absolute /anger/ he sees there, Taka glaring like he was born to do it. It’s not an uncommon sight, Taka is almost as explosive as he is when it comes to his emotions, but it still makes Mondo gulp uneasily. Shit… but that look doesn’t bode well for him… “I literally just told you that I /lied/ about it! You know full well I don’t have a boyfriend! I’ve never even kissed anyone, let alone gone on a date! I just… I didn’t want to meet with this stranger! And when my great aunt asked me why I couldn’t, it was the first thing I thought of! Y-you know that you’re the first person I’d tell if I ever managed to achieve a date, let alone if I started going out with anyone! I- I can’t believe that you would ever even /think/ that I’d not tell you something as important as that! You’re my kyoudai! My best friend! Of /course/ I’d tell you!” 

 Mondo feels his heart lurch in his chest at the fervent cry, Taka pouting harshly as he glares at him. He… shit, yeah, Taka did tell him he lied, didn’t he…? They literally just had a whole ass goddamn conversation about that, /shit/. He… he doesn’t know why he forgot about that, but… but something about hearing Taka say /‘I have a boyfriend/‘ just… he doesn’t know. Shorted his brain the fuck out. And he… he doesn’t even know why. 

 It’s not like he never thought about the possibility, right? When they first became friends, Mondo immediately knew how amazing a catch his kyoudai was, and he’d made sure to tell him all the time that he’d get a girlfriend soon, no problem, wanting Taka to see how amazing he truly was. He’d stopped doing that only when Taka had glared at him and said that he wasn’t interested in dating and that he’d appreciate Mondo not bothering him about it, which he’d immediately respected. He’d never stopped thinking it, though, especially not whenever Taka did something adorable. Which would happen every single goddamn day. 

 And that’s not changed at all over the past year, right? The only difference now is that Mondo thinks that— if he desired it— Taka will find himself a /boyfriend/ easily, not a girlfriend. So, he… he knows that the option is there. He’s always known that quite intimately. He’s even privately thought how he’d be so fucking happy for his kyoudai when he finally finds someone who loves him more than anything, like Taka deserves. Fuck, he’s even fucking planned his goddamn /best man/ speech on multiple occasions, even though he knows that shit wouldn’t happen for goddamn /years/, especially since that shit is stupidly not legal in Japan. Yet. 

 So, he… shit. He doesn’t get what his fucking problem was at hearing the words, but something about them had just… felt /wrong/. Taka saying he has a boyfriend. That they’ve been dating for /months/. The thought that Taka could have someone so important, so monumental to him… someone /other than Mondo/ that Taka relies on, confides in, spends time alone with… and for Mondo to /not even know/, it… it hurt, he guesses. So fucking bad. And that hurt had shorted out his brain, causing him to be a fucking dumbass like he always is. 

 But now, because of his stupidity, /Taka/ is hurt, thinking that Mondo would doubt their closeness, their friendship-! Shit, he’s gotta fucking fix this, fast! 

 “Shit, no, Taka, that ain’t fuckin’ it!” Mondo blurts loudly, cheeks flushing as Taka reels back in surprise. Lowering his voice consciously, he sheepishly rubs his neck, shrugging sharply. “Shit. I mean… I didn’t think ya’d keep somethin’ like that from me, man. I know ya wouldn’t. I just… I dunno. Ya know I ain’t ever been the smartest dude. Punch first, ask questions later, that sorta shit. When I heard ya say ya had a boyfriend, I just… fuckin’ spaced. But I know ya’d tell me that shit, kyoudai. I know ya would. I would never fuckin’ doubt ya, Kiyo. Not in a million goddamn years.” 

 He stares deeply into Taka’s eyes as he says this, ignoring the discomfort at the intimacy as he tries to get Taka to see his sincerity. After a moment of this, he watches as Taka looks away with a bright flush on his cheeks, a somewhat dazed look rising on his face. It… shit, it looks so fucking nice… Taka always looks so fucking nice… in a manly way. Always in a manly way… 

 “I… y-yes, kyoudai, I do know this… I am sorry for doubting you! I suppose it truly is late… and I am very distressed by all of this… believe it or not, there’s actually /more/… I’m sure you can see why this all is bothering me so much, though I am still sorry for bothering you with my nonsense again…” 

 Mondo shakes his head sharply, reaching out and grabbing one of Taka’s hands, holding it tightly as he gives the hall monitor a small but very sincere smile. 

 “Hey, none a’ that shit, okay? Ya know I don’t fuckin’ mind doin’ this shit, kyoudai. I’m always here when ya need me, day or night. S’long as it makes ya feel even slightly better, I don’t mind a goddamn bit. Now, what’s the rest a’ this bullshit, huh? Let’s fuckin’ hear it, man. Then we can work t’wards fixin’ this shit.” 

 The small, shaky smile Taka gets on his lips causes Mondo’s heart to stop beating for a second, his breath hitching at the goddamn /beauty/ of it. He quickly shoves that feeling aside as Taka nods slowly, the smile fading as the sad, nervous look returns. Fuck, he hates that look…

 “Yes… yes, you are right. Thank you, kyoudai. Anyway… after I told my great aunt the lie, she… she grew very, er… /excited/. It would take me too long to repeat all she said, but the gist of it is that she was very, very happy to hear that. And then… /then/ the cause of my problem became evident. Because… ah, kyoudai! She- she told me, in no uncertain terms, that I /must/ bring my boyfriend with me to meet the family! And she refused to accept my claim that my ‘boyfriend’ was busy that week and couldn’t make it! She just said that if he truly loved me, then he’d make the time to come visit my family, even if only for a day, though she made it clear she expects him to come for the whole week! And she said that if he doesn’t come, then he’s not worth my time and that I should meet with her neighbor’s son anyway to be with a nice, respectable boy! 

 “So, surely you- you understand my dilemma here! I lied about having a boyfriend, but now I’m excepted to suddenly have a boyfriend to bring home for the break! And if I don’t, my great aunt will think that this ‘boyfriend’ doesn’t actually love me and isn’t good enough for me, thus making me meet with this stranger anyway, making this entire lie pointless! I… I don’t know what to do, kyoudai! Do I… do I confess the lie?! Do I keep pretending and just let my great aunt think I’m dating a degenerate who doesn’t care about me at all?! Do I forgo all my morals completely and fake illness to miss the gathering and not have to deal with this situation entirely?! I don’t know, kyoudai! I have no idea! I… I…” 

 Taka starts sobbing again, then, flinging himself back into Mondo’s arms unceremoniously. Mondo can’t help the small grunt he gives at the impact, but his arms are wrapped tight around his kyoudai before he can even fully register the feel of the body pressing tight to his. His mind is absolutely not there, though, as it’s too busy trying to figure this shit out. Mondo may be a fucking dumbass, but over the years of leading his gang, he likes to think he’s gotten good at problem solving. Even if most of his solutions are ‘punch the problem until it goes away,’ he’s gotta admit that it’s usually fucking effective. 

 Not that that shit’ll help this time, of course. Sure, maybe punching Taka’s great aunt would make her see that Taka doesn’t wanna meet with this fucking douchebag neighbor of hers, but that solution opens a whole host of other problems. Not to mention the fact that she’s not even a chick; she’s a goddamn /lady/. And punching a lady is the worst crime a dude can commit. So… punching is outta the question. Regrettably. 

 But… shit. What else can they do? Clearly, they either gotta convince Taka’s aunt that he’s in a loving relationship without the dude showing up to the family reunion bullshit, or else they gotta find a way to convince her that Taka just isn’t interested in dating at the moment so she won’t make him meet the stranger. Considering how Taka mentioned she is being unreasonably stubborn about this, he highly doubts that they’ll be able to do the latter, and the former will require a lot of time and planning to pull off. Time that they don’t have, since Taka is set to leave for home as soon as exams end on Friday, which is only a little over five days away. And given how frantic Taka always has been over exams, he doubts his kyoudai will allow them any free time to actually plan shit. Hm…

 It’s as he’s rubbing Taka’s back— absently saying soothing words that he doesn’t register at all— that the thought enters his head. And it’s a stupid ass thought, right? Mondo gets those all the time, he’s so fucking stupid it’s not funny. Yeah, Taka is always telling him that he’s not as big of a dumbass as he thinks and that he’s actually really fucking smart, but he knows his kyoudai is just trying to be kind. Because judging by the absolute brainlessness of this thought, it’s clear that Mondo is just a dumbass through and through, destined to be a dumbass until the day he inevitably dies. As such, he immediately pushes the thought away and goes back to thinking about actually /good/ solutions, not fucking stupid as shit ones. 

 And yet… as the minutes stretch on and Taka just sniffles pathetically against his chest, Mondo can’t help but keep on cycling back to the idea. And it’s so stupid. Right? Absolutely brainless and moronic and impossible, there’s no way in a million years it would work! And yet… the more he thinks about it, the more /sense/ it makes. Because… shit. It would solve all of Taka’s problems nicely, wouldn’t it…? Taka wouldn’t have to worry about his great aunt discovering his lie, thus allowing Taka to not have to meet with this fucking stranger, both things that Taka wants more than anything right now. And… and Mondo /has/ always said that he’d do /anything/ for his kyoudai… absolutely… anything…

 It’s about five minutes later that Taka finally pulls back from his chest, rubbing his eyes (__adorably__), looking at him with a wide, watery stare. It breaks Mondo’s heart to see it, and for some reason it strengthens the stupid ass thought by a tenfold. And it’s stupid, so /fucking/ stupid, but when he sees Taka open his mouth, a pained grimace on his lips, he…

 He can’t quite help himself…

 “S-so… there, kyoudai. That’s my problem. I told you that it was stupid, and that I should be able to handle it on my own! It’s entirely my fault, after all! If I just hadn’t lied, none of this would be happening! Yes, I’d still have to meet with that darned stranger, but maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad! Like you said, just because we meet doesn’t mean anything has to happen! But no. No, I decided to /lie/, and now I’m paying the price! I… I’ll just have to tell Great Aunt Hana the truth and face the consequences of my actions… oh, mother and father will be so ashamed of me! What kind of moral compass /lies/ like that?! I- I’m so sorry for bothering you with my nonsense, kyoudai, you don’t deserve to deal with this, you’re always so kind to me, I don’t deserve your kindness, I truly don’t-“ 

 “Hey,” Mondo growls lightly, giving Taka a stern glare, “shut the fuck up a second, okay? Shit, an’ stop with that goddamn bullshit already. Ya know I don’t mind doin’ this shit with ya, no matter what time a’ the day, or how fuckin’ stupid it is. Yer my bro, an’ there ain’t shit that I wouldn’t do fer ya, got it? Don’t care if it’s stupid as shit, I’ll always have yer back, just like I know ya’ll always have mine. We’re fuckin’ tight as shit, bro! Ain’t nothin’ gonna break our fuckin’ bond!” 

 Mondo’s heart soars when he sees the tiny smile light up Taka’s face, his kyoudai looking so fucking /relieved/ at his words. Shit. Like he’d ever feel anything different. Mondo plows on when he sees Taka open his mouth, though, not wanting to hear his gratitude, not when he knows it’s time to get this stupid ass idea of his out there. A bubble of nerves enters his chest then, which is honestly the worst thing that could happen… he’s always been so fucking bad when it comes to handling his nerves…

 “Anyway!” Mondo shouts, the nerves making his voice far louder than he intends. Taka flinches slightly, which makes the nerves worse, which just… is really fucking unfortunate, shit… “I had an idea ‘bout how ta fix yer problems, kyoudai! It’s fuckin’ stupid as shit, I’m a complete an’ total dunbass, but the more I think ‘bout it, the more I think it may work! I understand if ya say no, though, so don’t worry kyoudai, it’s fine, I don’t mind, IT’S COMPLETELY COOL IF YA HATE IT AN’ DON’T WANNA DO IT, NO PROBLEM MAN, UH-“ 

 Mondo’s explosion of noise is stopped abruptly when he feels a warm hand grasp his cheek firmly, his breath expelled out of him entirely when he sees Taka look at him with wide eyes, concern deep within them. Shit… s-shit…

 “Kyoudai! Calm yourself, it’s alright! I’m sure that whatever idea you had is a good one! They usually are! Well… as long as it doesn’t involve violence, that is! And! You are not a… a /dumb butt/, you are very smart! Now… please tell me your idea! I am desperate for any help I can get, if you are willing to offer it!” 

 Mondo momentarily gets lost in the intensity of his kyoudai’s eyes, his heart pounding strangely in his chest. Taka doesn’t seem to notice and just stares steadily back, face full of a silent confidence that Mondo could only wish he had. Taka… Taka has always thought the best of him… after they became kyoudai, at least. He’s the only person who believes in him so completely and utterly… even Daiya’s faith wavers sometimes. Taka’s though… it never does, not even for a second… fuck, Mondo is so lucky to have someone as incredible at him… so ungodly lucky… 

 It’s this thought, more than anything, that calms him down enough to keep going, though his heart is still racing horribly in his chest. Taka’s hand has yet to leave his cheek, and his body feels so flushed at the contact, but it’s not bad. Not bad at all…

 “O-okay. Well… from what ya said, it sounds like ya just need ta find a dude ta bring home with ya, yeah? Someone who ya can call yer boyfriend, who knows ya well, who can make yer family think yer happy an’ in love, right? So- so that they’ll stop tryin’ ta hook ya up with any available body? Yeah?” 

 Mondo pauses for a second, eyeing Taka critically, his throat suddenly going thick for reasons he doesn’t understand. Shit… yeah, he knows this idea of his is stupid as shit, but it’s not like Taka will fucking /make fun of him/ for it… Taka is so fucking kind, even if he can be clueless at times, and he’d fucking never make fun of anyone. Not on purpose. 

 Unfortunately, it seems that Taka takes his silence as an invitation for comment, the hall monitor nodding slowly, biting his lip nervously. 

 “Er… well, yes, I suppose so, kyoudai! I suppose having a man come home with me /would/ solve my problems nicely! But… that’s exactly the problem, kyoudai! I don’t actually have a boyfriend, and where on earth will I be able to find one on such short notice?! Besides! I told my great aunt that we’d been dating for months, not just less than a week! Surely she’d be suspicious when she asks him questions and he reveals we only met less than a week prior?! And! My whole problem is that I /don’t/ want a boyfriend, kyoudai, so- so I don’t think that would work, I’m sorry! I mean, I suppose we could try it, but-!”

 “Goddamnit, Taka, I’m not talkin’ ‘bout findin’ ya a goddamn boyfriend! I ain’t that dumb, shit!” Mondo exclaims, rolling his eyes in exasperation. He can see Taka’s pout of confusion, his hand finally leaving his cheek slowly. Mondo has a second to regret the loss, but he doesn’t dwell on it long. After all, it’s time to reveal this fucking bullshit… “Anyway, like I was sayin’, ya… shit. Ya need someone who knows ya, so that the two a’ ya can /pretend/ ta be boyfriends. Ya get me?” 

 Mondo watches as Taka’s eyes go wide, his lips popping open in a silent ‘oh’ of understanding. It makes him smile, his chest fluttering at the sight, but he again pushes passed it, his nerves mounting again. Shit, why is this bullshit so fucking hard… ugh. He /hates/ emotions, he truly does…

 “So! All we gotta do is find someone ya get along well with, who yer super fuckin’ close ta, who knows ya better than ya fuckin’ know yerself! That way, the two a’ ya can trick yer family inta thinkin’ ya’ve been datin’ fer months an’ that yer super fuckin’ happy together! An’ I, uh… I- I think I know exactly who ta get! An’ it’s uh… uh…… s-shit…”

 Mondo’s face is uncomfortably flushed as he gets to this last part of his stupid ass plan, his hands fidgeting horribly. He’d be afraid Taka would chastise him for it, if Taka hadn’t been fidgeting this entire goddamn time. 

 Unfortunately, Taka has about as much patience as he does (re. none), and before Mondo can psych himself up for blurting out the person he thought would perfectly fit this stupid ass plan, Taka is talking, eyes wide with emotion. 

 “Really?! You have?! Who, kyoudai?! I must admit, I cannot think of anyone who would fit that description! I don’t exactly have many close friends, you know, and who exactly would be willing to pretend to be my boyfriend, spending a week with my family, which I know is a challenge on a normal day? Not to mention how taxing it would be to pretend to be in love with me, given how much of a hassle I am, and-“ 

 “Me, ya dumbass! I was fuckin’ talkin’ about me! My fuckin’ plan was that I’d go with ya ta yer family reunion bullshit an’ we’d pretend that we’re fuckin’ datin’! Shit!” 

 The silence that surrounds them following Mondo’s outburst is oppressive, the room thick and stifling with it. Mondo is positive that his face has never felt hotter, his stomach in fucking knots as Taka stares at him in fucking /horror/, his eyes wide and full of a kind of fear he never wants to see on his kyoudai’s face ever, ever again. Shit, he doesn’t want to see it now, especially considering it’s /his fucking fault/ that look is there, and oh, god, he just fucked this entire shit up, didn’t he, oh goddamnit, Taka fucking /hates/ him now, doesn’t he, is disgusted at the very thought of dating Mondo, fake or not, and how fucking dare Mondo /ever/ even /think/ he’d be good enough to be in even a fake relationship with Taka, Taka is so far out of his league it ain’t fucking funny, and-

 As the thoughts roil through Mondo’s head ceaselessly, like tiny daggers attacking every insecurity he’s ever fucking had, Taka’s face crumbles further, his distress palpable, and Mondo /knows/ he has to fix this, quick, because like hell is he gonna let their friendship die over something so /goddamn stupid, Jesus Christ he’s a fucking dumbass/-

 “Or not, shit! Hahahaha, /fuck/, kyoudai, fuckin’ ignore me, Christ! Told ya it was stupid as shit, I’m a goddamn dumbass who never has good ideas an’ ya shouldn’t listen ta a fuckin’ word I say! Like hell would ya ever date a piece a shit like me, ya deserve so much better, yer family would never believe ya’d love a dumpster fire like me, this was a stupid as shit idea, I’m so fuckin’ sorry, please don’t fuckin’ cry, I hate seein’ ya cry, shit-!” 

 “You… y-you’d really do that for me?” Taka asks softly, cutting Mondo’s panicked rambling off so abruptly it makes Mondo’s head spin. He’s so panicked inside that he doesn’t actually comprehend Taka’s softly spoken words for a full ten seconds, honestly. Instead he just stares at Taka, eyes wide, taking in the vulnerability he sees inside painfully familiar wide eyes. When the words finally penetrate the thick fog that has descended around his head, Mondo has to swallow thickly to push down the lump that formed in his throat, nodding solemnly. 

 “Ya kiddin’ me, Taka? Shit. Ya know I’d do fuckin’ anythin’ fer ya, man. You… yer my goddamn best friend, my kyoudai… the only person ta never fuckin’ doubt me fer a second… if I can help ya in any fuckin’ way, ya know I’d do it in a heartbeat. Ain’t nothin’ I wouldn’t do fer ya.” 

 Before Mondo can even blink he finds himself with an armful of a crying Taka again, his heart aching so acutely at being the cause of his fucking tears. Fuck… he really is a piece of shit, ain’t he… no wonder he’d never deserve someone as incredible as Taka… he doesn’t even deserve to be his friend, as fucking fucked up as he is, Christ…

 “Y-you truly are amazing, k-kyoudai! Your idea it- it would work perfectly! There is no one I value more than you, my friend, and while I know you do not view me that way, I think it would be simple to pretend for my family’s sake, given how close we already are! And while I dislike the idea of lying to my family, it would ensure they don’t bother me about dating for this gathering, at least! And it solves the problem of the lie I already told!” he hears Taka exclaim after a minute, the hall monitor pulling back from Mondo’s embrace enough to look him in the eyes, the brightness Mondo finds there nearly overwhelming. It strikes Mondo dumb, the ache inside him growing with every passing second. It gets hella worse when Taka’s face falls again, his lip wobbling as he goes to bite it anxiously. Jesus Christ…

 “But… but are you certain, Mondo? Y-you know what my family is like… you’ve met my parents a handful of times, and I’ve told you many stories about my grandmother, aunts, uncles, and many cousins… t-they can be a bit, er… /much/! I understand if you decide you don’t want to do this, especially since it would take a week off your break, and I know how excited you were to see your gang! Not to mention your brother! I… I’d hate to prevent you from seeing them, my friend! S-so, you don’t… you don’t have to help me, Mondo… I made this mess and I can fix it myself, I would never ask this of you, you know I wouldn’t-“

 “Then don’t ask,” Mondo interjects, automatically reaching out a hand to grab Taka’s again, squeezing gently. “I’m fuckin’ offerin’. Shit, bro. Just told ya I’d do fuckin’ anythin’ fer ya. Even slog through a fuckin’ week long family reunion full a’ energetic go getters who are all stubborn as fuckin’ oxes. The gang can fuckin’ wait. Yer more important than those jackasses. An’ Dai knows what ya mean ta me, he won’t mind me spendin’ a week with ya an’ yer family, not if it helps ya outta a bind. I see him all the fuckin’ time anyway, fuckin’ sick a’ that jackass. But, just… I mean it, Taka. I don’t mind helpin’ ya out. I’ll never mind that. ‘Sides… I think I’d honestly /kill/ ta see ya lyin’ ta yer whole ass family fer a week, man. Shit’s gonna be the fuckin’ /best/, heh!” 

 Mondo doesn’t let Taka’s glare stop the cheeky grin he has on his face, not when he can see the tension visibly flow off of Taka’s face, relief taking its place. That’s what he wanted and he’s so fucking relieved it worked. He hates seeing Taka so tense and unhappy. Taka deserves all the happiness in the world, he truly does…

 “That isn’t funny, kyoudai! Lying to my family is not a laughing matter! But I… I appreciate your kindness greatly, my friend… I honestly don’t know what I would do without you. I truly don’t,” Taka says softly, red eyes full of a tenderness that makes Mondo’s stomach twist. “But… there is one thing you said that I staunchly disagree with. You aren’t a ‘dumpster fire,’ nor are you a ‘piece of… /feces/!’ You are a wonderful, kind, and very caring person, whom I am honored to know and be close to! Any woman— or man!— would be lucky to have you! I…. I know I would be. So… please do not put yourself down, my dearest friend! You are far more than you think yourself to be!” 

 Taka’s kind and painfully honest words are too much for Mondo to handle, his heart doing gymnastics inside his chest. In an effort to dispel the soft and sappy emotions rising inside him, Mondo lets go of Taka’s hand (embarrassed to realize he was still holding it unknowingly) and deliberately pushes the hall monitor over. He grins brightly at Taka’s indignant spluttering as he falls off the bed and lands in a sprawl on the ground, his red eyes glaring up as his full lips pout. Fucking adorable as shit, goddamn…

 “Mondo! That was highly uncalled for!” 

 Mondo snickers as he carefully climbs off the bed, holding a hand out to Taka to help him up. Which Taka accepts with another pout, though Mondo thinks he can see fondness in those scarlet eyes. Heh.

 “Yeah? Well, that’ll teach ya ta not say such sappy shit ta me. What are we, preteen chicks?! Shit, man. Now, I dunno know ‘bout you, but I’ve had enough emotional bull crap fer one day. It’s so fuckin’ late, goddamn. We can work out all the details a’ this shit plan in the mornin’, ‘kay? We got a bit a’ time ‘fore this shit show starts, goddamn,” Mondo claims, stretching his arms over his head leisurely. Once he’s done stretching, he continues. 

 “So, d’ya wanna stay over an’ get some studyin’ in? Was tryin’ ta read our goddamn history textbook ‘fore ya started goin’ hog on my bell, though that shit is so fuckin’ confusin’. Or ya can just sleep if ya want. I’ll prolly be up fer a while, since I drank a fuck ton a’ monster, but I can be quiet if ya wanna sleep.”

 Taka blinks at the change in conversation, but he quickly recovers, by now used to Mondo’s abrupt conversation changes once things start drifting too far into emotional territory. The hall monitor then gets a contemplative look on his face, humming softly as he thinks about Mondo’s request. After a moment of this, Taka looks up and smiles brightly at him, nodding firmly. Mondo ignores the gymnasts that are going wild in his heart again. It ain’t important.

 “I think you are right that we should handle the rest of this come morning, kyoudai! It’s much too late to handle such unpleasant business now! And… if you do not mind, kyoudai, I think it would be best for me to stay over tonight! After all, it is very late and if I left now I would be breaking curfew for a second time! Knowingly this time! Which I definitely do not want! And I… I wouldn’t mind staying up for a little bit longer with you! I know that sleep is important to a healthy person, but I must admit that I am a bit too… wired to sleep at the moment. But… w-well. Perhaps we could watch another episode of that show you enjoy instead? While I greatly support your desire to study, I know that you are just trying to appease me, and I do not want that, kyoudai! After all you have done for me today, and all you have offered for the future… well! It’s the absolute least I could do! I-if you would like, of course!” 

 Mondo grins widely at his kyoudai’s offer, reaching forward to affectionately ruffle the teen’s hair. He ignores Taka’s indignant squawking and wraps his arm firmly around the hall monitor’s surprisingly broad and muscular shoulders, steering him gently over to the TV and couch he has in the corner of the room. He definitely ain’t gonna argue when /Taka/ finally asks to watch TV over studying for the first time in his entire goddamn life! It seems that miracles do happen! 

 “Hell yeah, man! Now yer speakin’ my language! Sit yer pasty ass down an’ get ready fer the absolute best goddamn time a’ yer fuckin’ life,” Mondo grins, laughing at Taka’s over exaggerated eye roll. He remembers a time Taka refused to do such a thing, calling it ‘juvenile’ and ‘grotesquely disrespectful,’ heh. How far his little kyoudai has come… he’s so fucking proud. 

 After that, he and Taka sprawl down on the couch, Mondo putting on another episode of the best fucking anime the world has ever seen as he and Taka get busy getting comfy. He knows that Taka isn’t very invested in the story, but the hall monitor is kind enough to watch the series with him on occasion anyway, usually as a treat for finishing all of his work on time. It feels a little weird to be watching a show with Taka at one in the fucking morning, but there’s something strangely thrilling about it too. Like they’re breaking a rule together, even though there technically aren’t any rules prohibiting shit like this. It’s prolly just because normally, Taka wouldn’t be caught dead watching a TV show in general, let alone watching one past curfew, heh. His kyoudai sure is structured, following the most rigid fucking schedule Mondo has ever seen every goddamn day of his goddamn life… it’s honestly kinda endearing, heh. 

 As the screen turns on and Mondo navigates to his favorite fucking show, he has to forcibly push away the fucking anxiety that keeps trying to crop up inside of him over the thought of what he agreed to do with Taka over the break, telling himself that he’ll handle it later. And why the fuck should it even matter, huh? Shit, it’s just pretending to be his best friend’s fucking /boyfriend/ in front of all of his fucking family for an entire goddamn week, tricking them into thinking the two of them are madly in love and happy together so they’ll stop harassing Taka about getting a boyfriend. All while being the Ultimate Biker Gang Leader, AKA a no good, rotten, criminal delinquent who in no way, shape, or form will ever be close to being good enough for someone as fucking /perfect/ as Taka. The fuck does he have to be nervous about, huh?! Shit will be fine. Fucking /fine/. 

 It’s about halfway through the episode, Mondo barely noticing what’s going on (definitely /not/ because he’s internally freaking the fuck out over the thought of the con job he and Taka are gonna attempt to pull off, fuck you very much), that he feels a weight fall against his shoulder. 

 Jolting slightly in surprise, Mondo looks to his left and feels his heart clench when he sees Taka leaning against him with his eyes closed, his mouth partially open, and his breathing deep and even. While it’s not even close to the first time he’s seen Taka while he’s sleeping— since they’ve had so many sleepovers by this point that it’s not funny— it still always manages to take him by surprise just how peaceful the teen looks when he’s asleep. His intense eyebrows aren’t furrowed into tight little knots, and his lips aren’t pulled down into that angry little scowl. He looks almost like a regular teen like this, like he hasn’t put the weight of the world forcibly onto his own shoulders. It’s… honestly super fucking alluring… not that he views Taka like that! Heh! 

 Anyway… Mondo focuses back on the TV as the final act of the show plays out, Mondo following along easily since he’s seen this episode a hundred goddamn times. He tries not to notice Taka’s steady weight against his shoulder, but it’s so fucking hard not to. After a minute, he gives into temptation and wraps his arm around Taka’s shoulder, allowing the teen to rest more comfortably against his side. He yet again ignores the clenching his heart gives when he feels Taka happily snuggle closer, lips releasing a happy little hum as he gets comfy. Ain’t a fucking problem. Not like this is the first time this shit has happened. No big deal. 

 When the episode finally ends, Mondo starts another one, not wanting to let go of Taka just then. It’s just nice, okay? Holding the teen. Feeling his warmth against him. Mondo’s always been a very tactile person and being close to Taka like this is just… nice. So fucking nice. It ain’t fucking weird, okay?! Shit…

 By the time that episode ends Mondo can feel the energy drink wear off, his body crashing from the caffeine high. Blinking back his exhaustion, he turns off the TV and turns to face his kyoudai, smiling at the peaceful expression. He truly regrets reaching out and shaking Taka gently to wake him, but he knows that he’s gotta. While he could carry the hall monitor to his bed no problem, he knows he can’t let Taka sleep in his uniform all night. And like hell is he gonna undress the teen without his knowledge. Shit’s creepy as fuck. 

 “Hey, kyoudai. Ya gotta wake up, man. It’s so fuckin’ late an’ we gotta get ta bed. Ya hear me?” Mondo mutters as he tries to rouse his sleeping friend. Given that Taka’s always been a bit of a heavy sleeper, it takes him a few moments of this before the teen blinks awake, his red eyes bleary with exhaustion. 

 “K-kyoudai? What are you doing here?” Taka mumbles sleepily, his eyes blinking heavily as he looks around the room absently. It makes Mondo smile, finding Taka unreasonably cute. He just can’t help it. Dude’s fucking adorable, ask anyone. 

 “Yer in my room, man. ‘Member? Ya had that problem with yer family an’ then I asked if ya wanted ta study? An’ ya said no, ya wanted ta watch a show instead? Only ta fall asleep halfway through the first episode, like the old man ya are? Ringin’ any bells?” Mondo rumbles, a smirk replacing the smile as he teases his friend. He watches as Taka continues to blink, comprehension filling his face slowly. A flush rises on Taka’s cheeks for reasons Mondo doesn’t know, the teen averting his eyes hastily. 

 “A-ah, yes, I… I’m sorry, kyoudai… I didn’t mean to fall asleep… d-did you still want to watch some of the show now? I do not mind!” Taka claims, though his voice is thick with sleep. Smiling softly, Mondo shakes his head. Then, unable to help himself, he reaches out and brushes back some of Taka’s hair, privately relishing in the coarseness of the strands. He can tell Taka didn’t take a shower like he usually does at night, leaving his hair all crunchy from his gel, the strands sticking out in all directions. It makes Taka look disheveled in a way Mondo doesn’t think anyone else has ever seen, save maybe his parents. The thought brings a rush of pure pleasure to flow through him. 

 “Nah, man. It’s cool. ‘Sides, I’m fuckin’ crashin’ hard. Just wanted ta wake ya so ya could change outta yer ridiculous uniform. Can’t sleep in that shit. Want, uh… w-want some help?” 

 Taka blinks blearily at him, his soft flush darkening. To Mondo’s intense shock, the teen nods slowly, red eyes sinking to the ground. Oh… shit. He hadn’t expected Taka to agree… not that he minds, of course, this ain’t the first time he’s helped his kyoudai undress (in a strictly platonic way, Jesus fucking Christ) but… h-heh. Shit. 

 “I-if you do not mind, my dearest kyoudai,” Taka mumbles, stabbing Mondo through the heart. Clearing his throat to try and dislodge the ball of emotion that has risen there, Mondo nods mutely and reaches forward to grab the ridiculous medals and pins and place them down on the table nearby. Taka helps with this, but his fingers are clumsy, his eyes drooping heavily with every second that passes. It’s so fucking adorable, but Mondo presses on and begins unbuttoning the ridiculously complex white jacket. Once that’s off, Mondo folds it the way Taka has taught him, though far more clumsily and awkwardly. It’s worth it to see the sleepy smile his kyoudai shoots him, though. 

 Soon enough Taka is down to his underwear, Mondo doing his best to not internally combust. But why the fuck should it matter if Taka’s in his underwear, huh?! He’s seen the dude naked a ton of times, since they routinely take a morning bath in the bathhouse together. Nakedness has never, not once, bothered Mondo, so he firmly ignores the heat in his gut as he reaches forward to lift up his kyoudai. It’s so expected by this point that Taka doesn’t even let out a token protest at the action, instead just wrapping his arms around Mondo’s neck with a happy hum.  

 The feel of sleep warm, bare skin against his body is stupidly distracting, so Mondo quickly heads for his bed and gently places Taka down atop it. Mondo gives himself one second to admire the image of a half naked, sleepy Taka cuddling down into his bed, before he begins discarding his pants and getting into the bed beside his kyoudai. He keeps his tank on, though. Just… for no reason, really. 

 As soon as his head hits the pillow, Mondo feels his eyes close heavily, his exhaustion catching up to him. It’s about half past two and even he’s tired as shit. Luckily it’s Saturday (Sunday now, technically), giving him all of tomorrow (today, shit, whatever) to lounge in bed and relax. He carefully doesn’t think about how Taka sure as shit ain’t gonna allow him to do that, as anal as the teen is about studying for the exams, and lets his delusion of a lazy day soothe him into the bliss of sleep. 

 Before he can fully drift off, though, he feels a cautious hand brush the back of his own, causing his eyes to flutter open and his head to loll to the side, eyeing his friend. Taka is curled into a ball on his side, like he usually sleeps, but even through the dark Mondo can see that his bright red eyes are open, even if they droop with sleep. 

 “Mondo? Are you awake?” Taka asks quietly, his voice softer than Mondo’s ever heard it. Concerned, Mondo moves his hand to grab his friend’s, squeezing the appendage tightly. 

 “Yeah. Y’okay, kyoudai? Need anythin’?” 

 Mondo watches as Taka shakes his head slowly, the hall monitor subtly shifting so that he’s closer to Mondo. Usually when they share a bed they’re able to stay on their respective sides, but it’s not uncommon for them to migrate to the middle, either in sleep or deliberately like this. He tells himself that firmly when he feels his heart jump at the feel of Taka’s head landing on his chest, Mondo’s arms automatically wrapping around an overwhelmingly warm chest. 

 “I just… wanted to thank you, my friend. For all your help today, and how kind you’ve always been to me. I will never understand why you- you care about me, but I… I cannot be more grateful. I… you truly are outstanding, Mondo. Truly.” 

 The whispered words break Mondo’s heart, and before he knows it he is tightening his grip to try and release some of the emotion that is building up inside him. Logically, he knows that he was Taka’s first friend and that a lot of the teen’s gratitude towards him is in regards to that, but… but sometimes, when Taka says shit like that, that’s he’s outstanding and kind and- and shit like that, he…

 He can almost find it in him to believe it…

 The emotion still far too overwhelming, Mondo finds himself leaning down and pressing a featherlight, gentle kiss to his kyoudai’s crown, an action he knows he will fervently deny to his dying day. Right now, though… he’s too tired to care. 

 “Shit… thanks, bro. Now, ‘nough chick shit. Get some sleep, man. Know yer gonna wanna be up stupidly early ta go over yer self-made study guide an’ I fuckin’ /know/ yer gonna force me ta do that shit too. So… get some sleep, Kiyo. Rest a’ this shit can wait ‘til mornin’, ‘kay?” 

 Taka nods sleepily against his chest, letting out one last happy sigh before he immediately falls into a deep sleep, his breathing deep and even. Mondo honestly envies how quick the teen can fall asleep, since even when he’s dead tired it takes Mondo a while to drift off. But that’s okay. He doesn’t mind. He’s glad Taka can find sleep that easy. He deserves it. 

 He uses his time to watch his kyoudai as he sleeps, sleepy eyes tracing over painfully familiar features, over and over again. If he were in his right mind he’d force himself to stop, thinking how fucking creepy it is to watch a person sleep, but he uses his exhaustion as an excuse and keeps going. Eventually his eyes get too heavy and he has to close them, sleep finding him soon after, but he’s not too disappointed. 

 It ain’t like this is the last time they’ll ever do this shit. 

 The thought is comforting. 

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(While they don’t show up for a few more chapters, here is a cheat sheet of Taka’s family on his mother’s side. Spoiler: there are a lot and they have similar names. No, this was not at all confusing for me while writing this story. No, I’m TOTALLY not lying right now. :-) )

Taka’s family (this part is a basic run down of Taka’s family on his mother’s side. This is what I used to come up with the OC’s I was going to need. Not all of these characters will be at the reunion, but most will. I have a more in depth run down with names and ages right after this):

Him

His mom and dad.

His mom’s older sister and younger brother. The sister is married and has three children, ages 14, 10, and 6. Taka gets along with the children reasonably well, but his aunt doesn’t approve of his sexuality. The brother is divorced and has two children, ages 8 and 3, but they’re not coming to the reunion.

His grandma who is a widow. His great aunt Hana and great uncle Akiro. They have two children, both of whom are coming. One of the children is unmarried while the other is and has three children, two twins about Taka’s age and a 13 year old. Taka doesn’t get along with the twins at all and only somewhat tolerates the 13 year old. The entire family is vaguely unpleasant and stuck up.

There is another cousin who is the child of another great uncle who passed, his grandmother’s older brother. This cousin has two children, one who is twenty five and has two children, ages three and five months, while the other is twenty and single. Taka gets along with them reasonably well.

Note: Pretty much all of these names were picked at random from a list of Japanese baby names. Very little thought was put into them, other than the name I gave Taka’s mother. But I already named her in my other fic The Problem With Perfection, ha.

~XOX~

List of people at the family reunion:

Takaaki: Taka’s dad. Like in canon, he’s a cop and is very tired all the time with the debt he has to pay back. He loves Taka dearly and would do anything for him. Age: Mid to late thirties

Kiyoshi: the name I gave Taka’s mom. Since, ya know… it’s not fair if he only gets named after his dad, ha. She is very kind and loving to Taka, and Taka is extremely close to her. Age: mid to late thirties.

Granny Kichi: Taka’s grandma, Kiyoshi’s mom. She’s very shrewd and opinionated, and she doesn’t like being in the wrong. She is not a fan of Mondo at all. Age: late sixties, early seventies.

Great Aunt Hana: Taka’s aunt, older sister of his grandma. She lived with Kiyoshi and Kichi when Kiyoshi was little, so she’s like a second mother to her. She’s even more stubborn and opinionated than Kichi, which is saying a lot, though she tends to be more fair in her judgement and is cautiously approving of Mondo. Age: early to mid seventies.

Great Uncle Akiro: Hana’s husband. While he also lived with Kiyoshi and Kichi, Kiyoshi isn’t as close to him, as he’s very reserved. She loves him dearly though. Age: late seventies.

Kumi: Taka’s first cousin once removed, though he calls her ‘aunt.’ She’s the daughter of Akiro and Hana. Very unpleasant and elitist and doesn’t get along well with Kiyoshi, despite being raised together, making them almost siblings. Mildly homophobic. Age: mid to late forties.

Daichi: Kumi’s husband, who Taka calls ‘uncle’. He’s a successful business man and is very rigid and cold. Like Byakuya but a bit less pretentious and more cruel. Is very disparaging to Takaaki and Kiyoshi because of the Ishimaru scandal. Homophobic. Age: late forties.

Akihiko: Taka’s other first cousin once removed, though he calls him ‘uncle.’ The son of Akiro and Hana. He never married and is a happy bachelor. He and Taka get along well, though Akihiko is much more laid back than any of the others in the family. He’s close to Kiyoshi and they get along very well. Age: late forties.

Eiko: Taka’s second cousin. She is the twin sister to Eichi and is the first daughter of Kumi and Daichi. She is a very unpleasant, nasty girl who thinks herself better than others because her father is rich. Taka dislikes her greatly, though he does his best to be polite to her. She has no real opinion on homosexuality, but she has no problem using it against Taka. Age: sixteen, almost seventeen. About a year younger than Taka at the time of this fic.

Eichi: Taka’s other second cousin. He is the twin brother to Eiko and only son of Kumi and Daichi. He is also very unpleasant, always bullying Taka because of what happened to Taka’s paternal grandfather. Taka would never admit it, but he hates Eichi and equates him with the worst of his bullies in grade school. He also has no real strong opinions about homosexuality, but definitely doesn’t mind using it against Taka. Age: sixteen, almost seventeen.

Haruki: Taka’s other second cousin. Younger sister of Eichi and Eiko and youngest daughter of Kumi and Daichi. Of her branch of the family, she is the nicest, but that’s not saying much as she is still very stuck up and snobbish. She looks down upon Taka for the scandal, but she doesn’t hate him and doesn’t tend to bully him. She is actually supportive of gay rights, though she does not publicly admit this for fear of being alienated by her family. Age: thirteen.

Jin: daughter of an unnamed great uncle, who was the eldest brother of Kichi and Hana. She is married to Taishiro. They are not attending the reunion so they don’t really matter, ha. Age: mid fifties.

Yoshi: Taka’s second cousin. Eldest daughter of Jin and Taishiro. She is kind of like a big sister to Taka and they get along well. She is mellower than Taka, though she also has a strict sense of right and wrong, and has a bubbly personality. Age: twenty-five.

Alex: Married to Yoshi. He is an American immigrant who lives in Japan. He is nice enough, though very bland and his Japanese is so-so. Age: mid to late twenties.

Samantha: Taka’s second cousin once removed, daughter of Yoshi and Alex. She is three and is very rambunctious and spirited. Talks A LOT. Taka adores her and she adores Mondo, to Mondo’s confusion, disgruntlement, and private delight. Age: three.

Benny: Taka’s other second cousin once removed, son of Yoshi and Alex. He is an infant and is very, very cute. Taka adores him dearly. Yes, he is just an excuse to have Taka and Mondo hold and take care of a baby and I won’t apologize for it. Age: five months.

Miki: Taka’s other second cousin. Youngest daughter of Jin and Taishiro. She is currently in university as a fashion design major and wants to become a famous fashion designer. Bugs Taka all the time about Junko (who, BTW, isn’t evil in the AU, but is definitely not nice). Taka doesn’t get along with her as well as he gets along with Yoshi, but he likes her well enough. She has trouble finding a date (mostly due to her overbearing nature) and is bitter about it, but is super supportive of Taka and Mondo’s “relationship.” Age: 20

Ryoko: Taka’s actual aunt. Older sister of Kiyoshi. Homophobic and very vocal about her disdain for Taka and Mondo’s relationship. Before he came out, Taka had liked his aunt very much, and is very hurt by her disdain and disgust for him now. She does not get along well with her younger sister at all because of her comments towards Taka. Before that, they were fairly close as well.  Age: early forties.

Yuudai: Ryoko’s husband. A very meek and quiet man who gets overshadowed by his wife. Taka feels a bit sorry for him, but never says that. He is not homophobic but he doesn’t speak out against his wife. Age: early forties.

Ronin: Taka’s first cousin, son of Ryoko and Yuudai. A spirited boy who takes a shining to Mondo, much to Mondo’s discomfort. Unlike his mother, he has no problem with people who are gay. Age: fourteen.

Raidon: Taka’s first cousin, son of Ryoko and Yuudai. Quieter than his older brother, Raidon likes to look and listen, not speaking much. He also likes Mondo and has no problem with people who are gay. Age: ten.

Rini: Taka’s first cousin, daughter of Ryoko and Yuudai. Very loud and energetic, she adores Taka and is borderline obsessed with Mondo, to Mondo’s supposed horror. Taka finds it adorable. Does not understand why her mother does not like Mondo or his relationship to Taka. Age: six.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And that’s the first chapter! I honestly really like this chapter and it’s prolly the main reason I keep thinking about this story so much. I really wanted to share this chapter specifically, so I’m glad I’m finally sharing it here on Tumblr. I’ve been meaning to for AGES, but kept putting it off. But there’s no time like the present. ^-^ Hopefully I’ll post the second chapter tomorrow, prolly in a different post to not make this one insanely long. I’ll prolly not add the italics to that chapter and just have the little slants to indicate italics, since it took me a while to do that today. I’ve not put this fic on my computer since it’s unfinished, so I just have my little indicators I use on my phone at the moment. Sorry if that bothers anyone. 

#The Ultimate (Fake) Boyfriend #Danganronpa #Danganronpa fanfiction #Mondo's POV #Kiyotaka Ishimaru #Mondo Owada #My fanfic #OCs

[dhampyre]

I got an annoying message from some annoying Nigerian guy telling me that my rant about racism made me seem poor or something idiotic like that. I laughed because I'm by no means poor, nor have I ever been. Both my parents are college educated professionals. My dad is a nuclear pharmacist and my mom is an urban planner who makes a six figure salary. I'm a physician in training. Ain't nobody poor. I'm upper middle class and lucky to have the socioeconomic status that I do. At the same time, being well to do does not exclude a black person from being subject to racism and discrimination and I'm well aware of that. A lot of men fetishize black women and don't respect us. I know because I've experienced the shit first hand. That's why I complain about it. It is true. Everyone loves to copy black people, but they hate us. Doesn't matter what anyone else says. I see the bullshit myself. I've experienced it myself. It just got on my nerves that that arrogant Nigerian idiot thought he could come in my inbox talking shit. And I am Nigerian, so I know how big headed Nigerian people can be and I hate that shit! The guy was also saying he wanted kids and I don't, so that's a barrier. Bitch, fuck you! I do not want kids, nor have I ever wanted them and I'm perfectly fine with being passed over by men who want kids because obviously, we don't want the same things! Nothing of value is lost in that case! The guy was 38 and annoying and that's probably why no one wants him. You aren't a prize to me because you aren't who I'm looking for. I wanted to swipe right just so I could tell his stupid ass off but I just swiped left. I can't stand stupid people like that. There have been other guys who message me who acknowledge that what I'm saying is true--because it is. Everyone likes to copy black culture, but they still don't like black people. They wouldn't choose to be black if they were given the option. And you have to be willfully ignorant to truly believe that there's no racism or discrimination or antiblackness that makes a lot of things more difficult for black people. It doesn't mean we cannot overcome all of the bullshit. But the bullshit is there and there is no reason to pretend it isn't. I'm not interested in most men who are interested in me. They are not on my level intellectually, I am not physically attracted to them, and we do not want the same things. Why they hell should I accept someone like that? I'd much rather be alone. And that's what I'm doing. It'd be great if I could meet someone who actually matches what I'm looking for who actually has genuine interest in me. But so far, pretty much every guy I've liked (rarely do I ever even meet such a man) has let me down. They often try to come back later when they realize they fucked up and that they aren't going to find anyone better. But I will never accept that. I will never be anyone's back up plan. Fuck that. You choose me or you lose me. The end. I would much rather be single and unhappy than with someone I don't want and still unhappy. My focus is on achieving my career goals. I just want to be a successful doctor. If I can at least accomplish that, I'll be fine. One day I might get a dog for companionship. Men have always let me down and I'm tired of being disappointed. That's why I've accepted that I'm probably going to end up alone. Can I just have the professional success I have worked so hard for, God? Please. That's all I want. Ok I'm done ranting now.

#rant #okstupid

[violetren]

Aether Chapter 26

My "I'm gonna be annoyed at Sierra" senses are tingling.

At least Maggie got a cute peck on the cheek from Varsha first.

Revenge? REVENGE!? EXCUSE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU!? THE AUDACITY! THE ENTITLEMENT!

I have a mighty need for Maggie to give Chance the nod to get Eurion to punch Stupidhead.

Fucking revenge... I was right. I am annoyed at Sierra.

At this point I could probably write a fucking essay on why it's not just reasonable but healthy and better in just about every fucking way that Maggie chose Varsha over Sierra. It's probably get to like paragraph 8 before it even touched on the fact that Sierra is in a highly unstable trauma induced transitory period of her life and should not be trying to date anyone. Fucking hell. I think at this point I'm closer to thinking of her the way Maggie would think of Garrett (not wanting to be too mean because she's someone Maggie loves, and therefore giving her more credit that she's fucking due).

"She lets me be selfish" is a very interesting way of "she reminds me I have choices and encourages me to do what will be right for me and doesn't try to push me into making decisions that would suit her" but you know what basically everyone who ever puts on a supersuit and means it has this kind of thinking when it comes to letting themselves be happy so I can't even pretend to be surprised, or exasperated over it.

I live in desperate hope that Maggie will be the straw that breaks the camels back and gets Ashley to just fucking talk to Hannah already.

I kinda wonder if Maggie actually needed the heads up about Chance's pronouns. I mean... I guess a big part of Digilife is being someone else, but Chance could put their pronouns there or let slip to Maggie as they got closer online. Idk. Still nice of Ashley to give the heads up even though they're technically already friends since this is kind of a paradigm shit for them.

I'm gonna blame this on playing Synth Riders with some suprise custom songs earlier this evening, but probable hologram Change was just spotted talking to Fractal and a little gremlin voice went "oh Hatsune Miku style" followed by another thought slipping in like a wizened elder gremlin smacking the other with a stick to go "Like the Voyager EMH you heathen." Wild experience since both are pretty well valid comparisons but the important part is actually CHANCE CAN VISUALLY MANIFEST INDEPENDENTLY OF NAOMI AND TALK WITHOUT EVERYONE FEELING LIKE THEY ARE ON A PHONE CALL!

I love this for them.

It is of great comfort to me that Jia Li is consistently a flirty shit stirrer and genuinely hilarious that Eurion stands there grumping over the fact that Jia Li gets away with it when she doesn't.

There is so much good banter (and general dialogue and a decent bit of description) here that is doing a fantastic job of drawing relationship lines, (re)establishing character personalities, and showing how these people fit in a space that I cannot possibly gush over all of it and get to bed in time to be up for work in the morning. But I did want to say it was all awesome and I was delighted to finally see Maggie meet not just Chance, but Naomi, Anika, Jia Li, and Emilia. And she even managed to be so distracted as to not immediately have a gay meltdown over Emilia! Good on her!

Maggie is about to have a VERY full schedule, but she's going to have EXCELLENT company. Also the potential variety of "hot for teacher" jokes that I might get to make (if in world characters don't make them first) as she trains with Varsha is great.

It's very secondary to wanting to see Maggie become a competent ass kicker and kiss Varsha some more, but I think it would be cool af to see Hannah stop by for some of these training sessions and just be cool with Chance and Naomi (both much more open and out about their trans/nontraditional gender status) and just blow that "what if she isn't accepting" fear of Ashley's right out of the water in text.

#chirping wren #aether #maggie bennett #sierra gomez #varsha patel #hannah nexus #ashley churchill #chance woodward #hua jia li #eurion #super hero fiction #lesbian fiction #sci fi #sapphic fiction #lgbt fiction #queer fiction

[thoughtsaladblog]

One Year Later

It’s 2022 and I’m truly loving life. 

Alright... Big fat LOL! If anything, the annual logging on this tumblr blog is putting into perspective how good I had it in the previous year.. and in reading that year’s post how good I had it the year before.. 

So Lanka is in the shits and everyone is suffering so that a family of corrupt politicians can continue to rob us off everything we have (including our dignity) and live in luxury. There’s no fuel AT ALL in the country and contrary to lockdown times when we weren’t technically “allowed” to leave the house but still could leave in case of an emergency, we are now in a state where we cannot leave even during an emergency. Definitely the ideal set-up for an anxiety prone depressed control freak like myself.

But you know what hasn’t changed since the pandemic and lockdown?? Men. And of course my experience of them. They’re still spineless shits who can never just be forthcoming about things. Yes, I realise I sound like a teenage brat- but to be fair, their stupid behaviour turns me into one. That, and the stupid rules associated with dating! Why can’t I be upfront and ask someone if I’m wasting my time with them? And why can’t they just give a straightforward answer to that question?? What’s with all the stupid excuses- “I’m getting out of a long term relationship”, “busy with work”, “I don’t quite know where I stand myself” and then suddenly act all weird and distant... And I’m supposed to insult my own intellect by pretending to believe all that horseshit. I mean I get giving them the benefit of the doubt- but at this point, with all the times I’ve been right before- I know they’re bullshitting me! Can we just not insult each others’ intellect and be honest? “hey Nichole, it was nice getting to know you but I don’t think we are the same vibe” or “hey Nichole, you seem like a nice person (or boring person) but you’re fat and I’m shallow so.. bye” What’s the worst that could happen? I’d say “ok cool, nice knowing ya” or I say “wow, that’s a bummer. I thought you were smarter than that”... Either way, what I won’t do is cling on to him or chase after him- coz I’ve got my closure. It’s all I bloody want!! I want honesty. I want peace of mind. I want to be able to know what the fuck went wrong so I don’t have to overanalyze this shit in my head to figure out what went wrong. 

Why is it that the rules dictate instead that I play it cool? Pretend it didn’t affect me. Pretend I’m apparently alright with the fact that he was dishonest and an ass about how he handled it. Pretend like I don’t want to question him on how he was bloody raised to treat women. And dude, don’t post about women’s reproductive rights if you can’t be upfront and honest with a woman and give her the dignity and the respect of not treating her like a fool who should believe your bullshit. It’s insulting and you look stupid.

Yes, I get that I deserve better than a guy like that. I deserve better than someone who’s shallow. And I want that too... But I also deserve the truth and closure. I deserve that small dignity. How come being fat and single automatically exempts us from the courtesy granted to other women?

How am I meant to trust men or put myself out there when this is what I’m met with when I do? As someone’s whose life experiences take a very big toll on my life, I can’t afford to keep meeting people like this and continue to put myself out there... It’s too damn painful. I don’t know what to do. I feel so defeated. I feel like life is walking all over me and I’m running out of breath but I’m not quite dying. I want to keep my faith, I want to believe that things will get better... But everything looks so bleak right now. I want to be happy- for once I just want to be happy and find a decent partner. I’ve been waiting for so long, and it’s not fair that all I’m met with are losers. I’m a nice person to everyone- even the assholes I come across. Why do I get treated like shit?!

All I know is, as of today I’m at one of my lowest points in life and nothing is quite getting me up.