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redhoodinternaldialectical · 3 months

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Finding character motivations for everything Talia Al Ghul does and says in Lost Days

People say she was manipulating Jason to be more violent but like... was she?? Why would she be doing that??? She spends years trying to heal him for Bruce and then tries to make him more violent towards Bruce because... ????????

I've read Lost Days a fair few times and it never felt like she was being cruel or manipulative and this has confused the fuck out of me for a long time. Since I'm going to be writing her into my Jason centric fic pretty soon, I figured it would be good to go back to Lost Days and really focus in on her and her character motivations.

This is a post because I do my best thinking through the act of writing essays, and figured someone out there might also be interested.

tl;dr In the text as written Talia does her level best to guide Jason to become a Hero again out of genuine compassion. It is her explicit goal to make Jason less vengeful, less violent, and more like the hero he was before he died. She is not predatory towards him, and the only times she works in ways that could be damaging to him are when she feels her own safety is threatened by him. Talia is depicted as a good but flawed person shaped by the trauma Ra's and the League has put her through.

So yeah, wildly over detailed analysis of everything Talia does and says during Lost Days under the cut:

Scene one: Ra's and Talia yelling dramatically on a lawn right after Talia uses a Lazarus Pit on Jason.

Her stated justification for doing so is "I did--what--needed to be done" (em dashes for choking). Considering she risked a LOT to do this, I figure she's probably telling the truth. She believed this was necessary.

Then we flash back to her first learning about Jason's death. She posits that his death will essentially break Bruce.

In the panels directly after this she's shown looking at a picture of Jason and Bruce, face in hands, clearly upset. Probably primarily for Bruce, but like idk she's an empathic human I feel like it's safe to say she's upset for the kid who died too, especially since the picture centers Jason prominently, with focus/close-up panels on both Bruce and Jason, with Jason's scanning first.

Then we have the sequence of her learning that Jason is still alive, through her agents who have been instructed to keep a very close eye on Bruce.

Her first big decision is to bring him to her Father. She doesn't make any attempt to hide him, so it's either a good idea to her or a necessary one. Ra's obviously wants to figure out how he managed to cheat death, and it seems likely to me, given that she's loyal to him, that she'd also want to do so. She doesn't seem to want him dead, even if she's at odds with him pretty much the whole time to one degree or another.

Then we get her investigating Jason's ressurection and the doctor she's got telling her about his brain damage and the Doc claims he's not getting better

We're just gonna breeze on passed that autistic affect weirdness...

She disagrees.

This is the third time now that Talia has had faith in the humanity and emotional capacity of people the rest of the League write off as being capable of nothing but violence. Considering she's been right the other times it stands to reason that she's right about this too. It also says a lot about her character that this is something she's repeatedly done.

She attempts to prove he's getting better by slapping Jason across the face, declaring, "He never fights back when it's me! Explain that! Never when it's me!"

This strongly suggests that she must treat him differently than the rest of the league, specifically that she treats him with more kindness and more attention. He recognizes her as someone safe, who he doesn't need to fight.

This is further backed up by the next page

Ra's then decides that all this has been a complete waste of time and demands that Jason be put out to pasture so he can't distract Talia from her work for the League.

During this argument Ra's posits that she thinks handing over a healed Jason would make Bruce love her, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I think Ra's is misreading her, in exactly the same way all of the League has been misreading everyone all issue: he's failing to understand that people are capable of actual love and compassion. He's interpreting her acts of kindness and love as something manipulative and selfish. Maybe that's something she believes or hopes for on some level, but it's obviously not her "real" motive here like Ra's thinks.

This is what makes her decide that it's necessary to make one last attempt to heal him, and get him out somewhere safer than with the League. It's a desperate last ditch attempt, but she's a competent motherfucker.

The rest of the issue is narrated as a letter Talia sends off with him in the bag of supplies she gives him. In it she says that she had other reasons for attempting to save him.

So, at the end of issue #1 we have three clear motives for why she healed Jason:

To heal Jason is to heal Bruce.

She has a basic sense of decency and wants to help a murdered kid recover. Jason healing is its own reward.

She wants to find out how Jason "survived" so that her Father might be able to replicate that for himself.

Healing Jason might bring her emotionally closer to Bruce.

ALL of these are based in love, and thus could qualify for what she meant in those last few lines of her letter. However, I think I want to emphasis that she almost certainly has to be including love for Jason himself, not just for what Jason represents to Bruce, though Bruce is still a huge focus for her.

And she didn't tell Bruce because Ra's might kill Jason. He doesn't want Batman to know he's alive, ever, and may very well kill Jason to keep that secret.

ON TO ISSUE #2

This is where it gets a lot harder to figure out why she's doing things.

Talia's first act is to refuse to tell Ra's where Jason is. Her second revealed act is that while tossing Jason into the ocean to help him escape she says this:

"Do not seek him out. You remain unavenged."

Third thing she does is check up on her loyal agents who tell her "We know where he's going You're not going to like it." This is immediately followed by the reveal that Jason is going to Gotham.

So uhhhh... Why doesn't Talia want him to go to Bruce now? Also, why does Talia think that being unavenged would mean Jason going to Bruce was a bad idea? Like how is the unavenged bit not a complete nonsequitor?

Cause the thing is, we the audience know what Jason is like in the future, Lost Days was written after UtRH, but Talia doesn't know Jason's personality, she's only met him while he was incapable of communication, so what reason does she have to assume this would impact him like this?

Hypothesis one: She knew about Felipe, thinks he killed him, and thus counts him as a killer of abusers, someone who would want revenge.

Seems pretty unlikely. There's absolutely nothing in the text to support this, it's completely made up conjecture. Also, she doesn't seem to think Jason is the type of person to do revenge all that harshly in later panels.

Hypothesis two: She's counting on the temporary adrenaline-rage-pain boost from the Pit to convince him to be mad about the whole unavenged thing.

Why tho? Like, for realsies, there's no reason for her to try to do this? If this is a plan to keep him away from Bruce, it's a dumb one, like why would that be her choice of strategy?? Also the letter contradicts this.

Hypothesis three: She believes it was wrong of Bruce not to avenge him, or at least thinks that most people would be incredibly angry to find they weren't avenged

Baring her just being fucking precognitive and knowing the future for no good reason, this seems like the most likely cause. Growing up in the League hasn't exactly given her a view of how healthy people handle their anger, and violent retaliation is a nigh daily obstacle for her to navigate. It means she told him that because she thought it was important and she probably always intended to tell him whenever he healed enough to understand it.

Hypothesis four: She assumed him finding out was inevitable, and wanted to do that in a controlled manner... uhhh... and the best controlled manner avaliable was... while flinging him off a cliff??? Instead of in the letter?????

Not buying this one.

We see Jason try to kill Bruce and then get him explaining himself to Talia.

That's... that's not how sociopathic works I'm pretty sure... whateves...

Talia seems to have believed there would have been a fight about the Joker, but not that Jason would have actually tried to kill him. Or at least not that Jason would have tried to really, truly kill him in such a cold, calculated way once all forms of Laz juice were out of his system.

So again, why the fuck was she preventing him and Bruce from meeting?! Would the Dark Knight not have survived a fist fight with an angry sixteen year old??

I don't get it. That's uhhhh- that doesn't make any sense to me. I guess she was just wary of how bad the confrontation might get, but not fully expecting this kind of rage? Maybe she was acting much more confident of her decisions in front of her father and was really worried about this outcome? I dunno, and that's all the evidence we've got!

And now we have a new problem! Why does Talia agree to help him?

She believes she's released a curse into this world. She believes that she has kickstarted a nasty cycle of violence spiral. She doesn't want to see Bruce hurt or killed by his kid.

So the only conclusion left is that she thinks she can better mitigate the damage by helping and misdirecting than she can by actually confronting Jason. Considering who she interacts with, that seems perfectly reasonable.

ON TO ISSUE #3

We get some proper answers here hopefully

Our previous idea about why she was helping him was correct, this is an attempt to keep him less violent, steer him towards other things, and let his desire for revenge fizzle or find a different target.

She's not giving him over to Bruce because Bruce would never forgive her for having kept Jason from him... And also Jason will fucking kill Bruce.

Make special note here of the idea that sex is why she isn't beating the crap out of this guy. Put a pin in that. It'll be important later.

Back down at the murder ranch, Jason finishes killing his teacher and then explains himself

I believe she's genuinely happy about this, because it is actually a step in the direction she wants him to take. He went from being completely obsessed with just killing the father who didn't avenge him, to saving a bunch of kids and delaying his own revenge goals to do it. The tin man IS growing a heart. Her plan is, miraculously, kinda working!

ON TO ISSUE #4

Further proof that her plan is working: Jason leaves Rip, the mercenary driver, alive. He's developing standards for who he is and isn't willing to kill, and those standards are evolving because he is being pushed outside his conflict with Bruce.

His treatment of the bomber's connection with the mob is further proof of this.

That little smile and her gently nudging him towards the idea that he's picking "old habits" back up is very telling. She's guiding him back to the path of actually being a Hero. I think this is meant to imply that Talia is deliberately throwing scumbags towards him to not only distract him, but also to remind him of the heroism he did before he died and give him new purpose beyond mere violence towards Bruce.

And again, her plan is working! He's doing hero stuff!

Aaaaand now we have another curveball. Why show him Tim?

Again, him finding out about this was probably inevitable. He seems more chill, the dark circles under his eyes are gone, I think she's hoping that while in the middle of a new investigation Jason will be in as good a place as she can find to tell him about this.

It's better than mid cliff dive, if nothing else.

Now, to head this off at the pass, because I've seen people assert this in other posts before: this is definitively, absolutely, 100% guaranteed, NOT WHEN TITANS TOWER HAPPENS. He hasn't even come up with using the red hood as a persona when she shows him this picture, so even if he let the extremely time sensitive bombing plot go for a day or two worth of private jetting to beat up the new guy, there's no way in HELL Tim would be able to recognize the Red Hood as Jason. Heck, Tim wouldn't even be with that set of Titans yet, the fucking HUSH plotline hasn't even happened yet!! Okay moving on...

ON TO ISSUE #5

Talia isn't in this one

Jason acts as a Hero. Tim man definitely has a heart.

I really like this plotline tbh, it's just great.

He kills all but one of the Russian mobsters that come to kill him and then he runs out of ammo on the last, and that guy offers up the Joker's location in exchange for his life.

This is when the Tin Man relapses.

ON TO ISSUE #6

CONTENT WARNING FOR DISCUSSION OF CONSENT ISSUES

He hunts the Joker down and fails to kill him. I want to emphasis here, that failing to kill the Joker is a failure to adhere to the morals that Jason has established for himself, and a failure to keep being an anti-hero the way Talia was encouraging him to be.

This is not him being a good guy. This is him getting worse again. This is him failing to care about the world and things other than his own revenge.

Once again he explains himself to Talia, and reveals that he's known for a while now that she's been stalling him.

And then they fuck, and Jason wakes up alone.

So what just happened and why?

First of all I think the fact he KNEW he was being stalled combined with his heroism prior to the Joker being brought up strongly implies that Talia's plan would have kept working and that Jason would have kept letting it work, drawing him more and more into just being an anti-hero. He has a heart, he has morals, but his rage for Bruce and the Joker eclipses those morals pretty completely. Talia's plan was always to guide him away from revenge and it might have worked if he hadn't run out of ammo at the wrong time.

Secondly, Talia has just been given a bunch of reasons to feel threatened. Her plot was revealed, and Jason no longer has reason to believe that she isn't an obstacle to his goals.

Considering the sheer amount of violence that Talia regularly narrowly escapes only through manipulation and leveraging men's emotions, it seems pretty reasonable to me that she'd assume she needed to do both those things in order to protect herself.

She tells Jason about Ra's death, claiming that she's angry with Bruce for that. I don't know if this is the truth, but it would serve this purpose either way. She's giving him reasons to believe she's still on his side. Then she gets emotional leverage on him by sleeping with him. Take that pin out of the fact that she didn't beat that other guy for talking out of turn to her because she was fucking him. Then she escapes while he's asleep and only contacts him again from afar.

She does both of these things because she is afraid that a freshly refocused on vengeance Jason will hurt or kill her if she doesn't. After all, she herself is a killer. Jason might just decide it's her turn to join his other teachers.

The scene of them sleeping together isn't framed as traumatic for Jason; he seems to be perfectly willing.

There two very important questions that need answered before we cast judgments though: Is Jason still a minor when this happens? How old is Talia in comparison to Jason?

The only indication of timeline that we have is that it takes place JUST prior to Hush, as the story ends with Jason meeting Tomas Elliot. According to the Batman Chronology Project, Tim should be 16 during the events of Hush. We know Jason is about two years older than Tim, making him 18 during this scene.

According to Dennis O'Neil "I’m pretty sure that Talia is still a young woman – young by our standards, not just her father’s." According to some random fucker on an ancient comicvine forum going by the handle "brock4618", O'Neil said in a different interview that she was 18 when Bruce kissed her and is about Dick's age, not Bruce's age. I can't find O'Neil saying that, but it does line up with the quote we know is real.

So this was a case of an extremely traumatized 18 year old boy agreeing to sleep with a woman in her twenties after he accidentally made her feel that she needed to use sex and emotional manipulation to protect herself from his possible violent retaliation.

This is still a deeply unpleasant situation, but it's so much better than the initial impression that I got!

CONCLUSIONS TIME

Talia healed Jason because

She's a kind and loving person, and was especially kind and loving when she was younger. She wants to help Bruce, she wants to help Jason, and she wants to help her father. She did it for love.

Talia kept Jason's existence a secret from Bruce because

Her father demanded she keep it a secret, then she was afraid Bruce would hate her for it, and by the time she ought to be warning Bruce about Jason, well he was a scary motherfucker and she was in too deep.

Is Talia portrayed as a sexually predatory monster?

No. A woman using sex to escape violence is not predatory; I will fucking fight you. That whole scenario was bad, but acting like she's evil for this doesn't pan out unless you disagree with some of the facts of the case. It also really doesn't feel like Winick intended for the audience to assume this was predatory. Jason never seems uncomfortable with the fact it happened, and he even gives Jason a bit of beard scruff to help convey that he's older now. (it uh... it didn't work. Because I thought Talia was like 52 at minimum. Also just the timeline. But that was the intent I feel)

Is Talia attempting to make Jason more vengeful?

No. Exact opposite actually, every lie and manipulation is in service of preventing him from going on his vengeance quest, guiding him to be a better person, and protecting herself and others.

As a side note: I haven't touched the potential misogyny or racism angles, because that's simply beyond the scope of this analysis. I don't have the time, energy, or resources to dig into this myself, you'll have to find a different post for that angle, sorry.

So... yeah. That's my findings, I hope at least one other person finds this useful!

#jason todd #talia al ghul #lost days #nightmarishly long analysis that I hope is half decent lol

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dreamties · 8 months

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Okay okay hear me out

Johnny with like a much shorter (I’m talking like 5’3) gf who’s also chubby

Just like a really soft sweet chubby gal, maybe she’s a lil insecure about her body type and it confuses him because he thought she was pretty either way if that makes sense??? Like he doesn’t get why she’s insecure he thinks she’s the prettiest person ever 😭

Okay so . . . I'm hearing you out on this SO HARD !!!! Ughhh I can totes imagine this !! ((also you sent in another ask like this?? sorry if i had originally interpreted this as a request and it wasn't?? 😭😭 idk hope you enjoy <3333))

Also also also... i would love to explore this prompt more in the future, if anyone has additional thoughts to spare <333 👉👈 apologies for any spelling errors

taglist: @friedwormeater @0ddmia @lambofjudgement @lizve @urfavsuh @rainbowcake1212 @sadsimp @marriedtoeddie @strawberry-moonpies

Johnny cares about his own appearance . . . In the sense if he doesn't upkeep his beauty, how else is he gonna pick up prey at the bar?

One of the other talented fic writers on this site, I don’t remember who <:O said he would have learned a lot about "how to act" through television. Now, I don't think he had much access to television, except when he was much younger and the slaughterhouse was still running. The one at the bar will also play old films or news stations that come in all funny. . . Anyways !! All of that absolutely applies to this too!! He's seen pretty boys on magazines that Drayton always glares at him for staring at them too long. He knows what girls are "supposed" to like and he feels confident in pulling it off. That's sort of where that desire begins and ends though. While I think the Slaughter family can care about looks- they each have personal, preferred taste- it's not high on their list of wants. It's always a delightful bonus when their partner is a cutie <3333

Johnny is such a little trickster !! Like what a little greaseball he's so annoying sometimes *sob emoji*

At the beginning of the relationship, he's gonna tease ya about your height. Not your body weight though, it's never polite to comment on a lady's weight.

He tends to pick on everyone though. It's like some demented love language, it seems.

Anytime you make a face or a disgruntled noise about it, he seems so confused??? Like what's up with you??? You never get like this. Why are you being weird around him . . .

Basically- gets annoyed that you're annoyed at him for "no reason"

If Johnny has had other partners before this, his handling of the situation would be different. I am in the camp of strongly believing you are his first partner tho <33333

So you're gonna have to spell it out for this mean ol guy cause he doesn't understand these "social cues" cause he's never quite seen it with his folks, and you can't really interpret gestures like yours in magazines and novellas and stuff. He's just a lil lost, why don’t ya give him a hand, huh?

You tell him your worries: that you feel inadequate to be his girlfriend. That you're small and chubby and he deserves someone who is just . . . more than that.

He's lookin at ya all bug eyed and funny the whole time Ya scared him half-to-death, darlin! He thought something was seriously wrong (side note: just because Johnny doesn't take it real seriously- at first- does not mean that it doesn't matter or isn't serious irl at all <333 stay safe out there folks)

She pouts, turning her head at her shoulders and swiveling her body- hands clenching her arms in a crisscross- away from him.

Johnny pulls a face. What had he done this time? He approaches her cautiously, as to not spook her- she had argued for him to leave her outside for right then. He wasn't having much of that.

"Darlin'?" His hand lands on her shoulder, not quite as gentle as he should be with his love. She turns her head the other way, hoping this will somehow make her able to evade any heated arguments. "Darlin', no no- c'mon."

He's not one to give up, though. Which- in this moment- she hates that was one of the qualities she fell in love with him over. The drive, compassion; the awful persistence he had.

She sniffles, not wanting to cry over some- dumb comment he made. A stupid inference of her body to something else. She had half the mind to be angry, instead. She couldn't be angry at Johnny, though. At least not so . . . forthright.

"S'just, you're always teasin me for my height, Johnny. And- and I know you're just holdin' your tongue about my body."

Johnny looks at her with an incredulous squint. "What?"

"I get it, Johnny. But it's no need to tease me for it." He's slow on the uptake. The gears finally turn and whirr into life. He sets his palm, steady and firm, to her shoulder. His fingers curling against her clothed body gently.

"Ah, sweet-cheeks. I think you're stunning. I haven't been teasin' ya." His lover interrupts him with a look. She returns her head strictly to its position.

"Yeah, yeah, I have been. I know. I love you, though. You're sweet, darlin. Hottest girl I've ever laid my eyes on. Now stop pouting." She's feeling much better already. She wants to pout more just to spite him, which makes her giggle audibly. "C'mon. Let me kiss you," he smiles when he hears her laugh. It's toothy, it's sharp. It's inviting, though. "Look at you, sweet thing. Smilin' already. C'mere."

She turns around, letting Johnny pull her into a tight embrace. Kissing the top of her head, her cheek, her pretty lips. Lips he hopes she'll let him kiss a dozen times over.

She still weeps in his arms, less from the residual sad feelings and more from just how sweet her man could be.

"Love you too, John."

(Is calling him john sacrilege . . . it nearly feels like it should be. but i couldnt help write this bit like that hehe <3333)

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trihallow746 · 11 months

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Rating Batim Ships (At least the ones I’ve actually seen people shipping)

(Also as a note, I don’t judge anyone based on if they ship any of these and the following are just my opinions so pls don’t get mad at me 😭 it’s all for goofs)

Henry/Joey

4/10

I don’t ship them at all but them being divorcees is funny as hell so they get points for that. This was definitely one-sided on Joey’s end at some point

Also I should mention the Ink Henry x Memory Joey variant of this. While I think it’s interesting and definitely less toxic than the original, I’m still not about it. Tho the score went up a point because of it

Sammy/Joey

3/10

This one also gets points for being funny as hell despite the fact that I don’t ship it at all. Just Joey pathetically pining after Sammy while Sammy does not care at all (and is annoyed by him). Incredible.

Tho I saw someone shipping them fr once and it was just

Sammy/Jack

8/10

While I see them more as being friends I still think this one is pretty cute. I love their duo

Tom/Allison

10/10

These two are really cute, very healthy, A+. I’m glad they at least have each other in ink hell

Susie/Allison

8/10

It’s pretty cute ngl. I think they could really help each other grow and be happy. Quite solid

Henry/Ink Bendy

-100/10

That is a father and his son absolutely not

Buddy/Dot

2/10

They are just friends. That was a whole thing in the book. Don’t like this one at all. Only got points because Buddy and Dot are a top tier duo

(Don’t mind my annotation)

Henry/Sammy

100/10

I really like the idea of them bonding in cyclebreaker jail and helping each other heal post BATDR. Also I’m biased because they make up 2/3 of my favorite batim characters trio

Sammy/Grant

6/10

I think these two would definitely vibe but I don’t know enough about Grant to feel too strongly about this one. Maybe there’s more of him in one of the books I haven’t read yet or I’m just uncultured on Grant idk

Susie/Sammy

4/10

I don’t really care for this one. I can’t really explain why I just don’t like it that much. Something is off but idk what. Maybe it’s because I like to headcanon Sammy as being gay. That’s really it tho

Wally/Sammy

5/10

Kinda confused by this one ngl but I’ve seen a couple people shipping it. It’s definitely not terrible I just don’t understand it. If you ship them pls feel free to explain why so I can better understand

Sammy/Ink Bendy

3/10

Not a fan of the vibes on this one. It does not seem at all healthy or able to grow into something healthy. I gave it some points tho cuz someone I follow on here likes it and I think they’re cool. Also I know this one is pretty popular so I’m sorry ya’ll 😭

Norman/Sammy

7/10

I like the idea of them being weirdos together. It has some interesting implications or possible angst due to the fact that Sammy killed him. Not my fav but still pretty solid

Joey/Bertrum

4/10

I mean sure? Bertrum didn’t really seem to like Joey at all in the games but in DCTL they were acting buddy buddy. Maybe it was the drinks idk. Either way this one kinda just exists to me but I have seen it before so it’s on here

Henry/Linda

8/10

This one’s only marked down a couple points cuz we’ve never met Linda before or know really anything about her, but I bet these two are a cute couple. This ship also has really sad implications for Ink Henry but at least Irl Henry is happy 😭

(I’m also now realizing that there are a lot of Sammy ships geez)

#batim #bendy and the ink machine #henry stein #joey drew #sammy lawrence #jack fain #thomas connor #allison pendle #susie campbell #bendytheinkdemon #buddy lewek #grant cohen #wally franks #norman polk #bertrum piedmont

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acilykos · 4 months

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Hi. I see you're aroace and I'm too so I was wondering if I could ask you a question? Idk if this is something you do I found you through aroace senkuu post so absolutely feel free to ignore if you don't want to talk about it.

So basically I'm trying to figure out what exactly loveless means. BC a lot of people both arospec and not have told me that label might fit (as in I want 0 romance etc. But also no platonic equivalent). However. I am a very passionate person about my chosen career, music, art, my cat. Those are all things I feel so strongly about, I wouldn't know what to call it but "love". Similarly there are people I care about, just not in a way where I want romance with them or a platonic version of that kind of relationship.

(I've seen you call senkuu loveless too, and I'm a little confused BC he clearly does care deeply about some people and possibly even more so science. Why not call that love? Is it a terminology thing?)

I'm not trying to pick a fight, I really like your analysis of senkuu.

I'm genuinely trying to understand.

It's possible to reject the societal notion of what love is. I do so myself.

But there's no denying that the chemicals involved are something everyone experiences. Like. Everyone gets dopamine, vasopressin, oxytocin etc. It's just the context that's different. Much like oxytocin is experienced both in mother-infant bonding and in sexual contact, I get a dopamine rush listening to music but not making out with someone.

(granted romantic love hasn't been that well examined but there does seem to be a consensus on the general chemistry involved)

Same chemicals but different result/feeling, you know?

Not getting these chemicals at all is impossible I think, so that can't be what loveless means.

So what does it mean??? Is it just about society's perception of love??

I personally approached my lack of romantic attraction by Googling the brain chemistry BC clearly I wasn't getting anywhere with the emotional side. I'm not an expert. But the definitions of different aro orientations I see commonly, don't actually address this at all. It's like everyone decided on a different definition of "love" and nobody told me any of them.

Again, I know this sounds very passionate, but I always sound like that. I'm not trying to pick a fight, nor am I expecting you to solve my identity crisis. So really no need to reply if you don't want to. I can see how this would be. A lot to try and answer.

Hi, hi!!

First of all, I'm happy to meet a fellow AroAce!! I'm also calling myself loveless because it fits the most, I did research before and found it was the closest to describe myself.

Second of all, I think it depends on the definition of what loveless means for oneself because as always, sexuality at the end of the day is a fluid and personal thing.

Apologies if some of the thoughts seem jumbled or contradicting. I just woke up, was very happy about getting to ramble and I just don't know how to properly describe my "emotional thought processes" because I decided to illustrate my points with examples.

It's a long read too, I hope you don't mind.

Personally, I define it as a "lack of attraction" because oriented and angled AroAces experience other types of attraction (like platonic, aesthetic, etc.), but don't ask me to explain the difference between either, I really have no idea what it is (no offense to any angled or oriented AroAces). Personally, I find it ironic that the two most known "orientations" of AroAce people are still based on experiencing attraction despite AroAces being known for not experiencing it. So we had to create another word to say "Yeah, we actually don't experience any type of attraction”. It's also ironic to me that we call it "loveless" because it's not that we don't love, we just aren't attracted to people.

I'm an artist, I love art and drawing myself, as well as writing.

I'm also a scientist, I love chemistry, astronomy, pharmacology, psychology, really, I'm just always happy to talk about any subject. In fact, that's my current career, I'm a pharmaceutical technician.

I have favourite songs, favourite subjects, favourite seasons. Favourite shows, favourite characters, hell, I also have favourite ships.

I care about my family and friends too.

It's just that I'm not attracted to people. I don't want a romantic relationship because I don't experience romantic attraction. Same as I don't want a sexual one. I just don't see the need or appeal for another person if the goal is to just have a dinner date or a climax. Sure romance and sex can come hand in hand, but that depends on whether or not you experience either or if you're committed in a relationship. Anyways, I digress.

These two are the typical ones people talk about when it comes to attraction, but then there are the illusive platonic and aesthetic attractions, and many more I believe. One of them is explained later which causes AroAces in the first place to also use the labels oriented and angled.

Platonic attraction, or at least as I come to understand it, is seeing a person and just wanting to be their friend. You see someone and you think "wow, I really want to be their friend!!" also apparently called having a "squish".

I don't do that. I don't really feel something compelling me to talk to this person to become their friend.

Same as I don't feel attraction towards aesthetically pleasing people (which is also a highly individual definition). Or well, for a lack of a better term, the only "Wow, I really like how they look" I experience is in terms of gender envy. I don't want to be with them, I don't want to be them either. I just think "I'd like to express my gender like that". If that makes any sense.

I see people talk about "they're hot" and "they're so cute looking" and how they have this attraction towards them because of the way they look, but I just don't? I may appreciate the beauty by acknowledging that someone has nice features or a cool style, but it's the same as me looking at the weather and going "Ah, the sun is shining, isn't that nice." before continuing to do whatever I did, not spending more time on thinking about the weather.

For a real life example: My sister and I are going to a driving school. She has an aesthetic (and I call it on purpose an aesthetic attraction. She has not spoken once with the guy and she also said it's not exactly a crush) on one of the other people there, which to me makes no sense given his general character he revealed at least at the driving school. She even took his pen he forgot at school (just some company gifted pen from when we got a visit that day) in hopes of giving it back to him and struck up a conversation (She failed to. She was too embarrassed, in case you're curious).

I only acknowledge he has a nice jawline. That's it.

I don't feel any type of attraction towards people. I don't want or need to be their romantic partner. I don't want or need a sexual relationship. Just because someone has a personality that clicks with mine, I don't automatically feel the need to become their friend. If we become friends, great. If we don't it is what it is.

Obviously when I'm friends with someone, I care about them, but it's just... not the way friendships are usually portrayed. I don't feel the need to have many friends, or meet up with them constantly or go on trips or anything of the like. I like them a lot, I want them to be well. I just... don't really feel an attraction? I don't know how to properly explain it.

An attraction for me is either the need to be constantly with them, one way or another, because you physically and/or mentally/psychologically feel the need to be in their presence, whenever an opportunity arises OR that you spent a lot of time just thinking about them (daydreaming, fantasies, you get it). I just don't feel like that. I'm fine with not talking or seeing friends for multiple months or years. I'm also fine if we don't talk constantly too. If the friendship ended because we couldn't maintain it, it wouldn't destroy me.

It actually happened multiple times, I'm fine with it. Do I miss them or feel nostalgic when I think about past experiences with them? Of course, I care about them as people.

But I'd feel the same about it even if we had stayed friends, because I obviously feel nostalgic with things I did with my current friends.

I just really don't have the ""need"" to have friends in my life. I'm not "attracted" towards them, I care about them and I like them, but it's just not the type of attraction or even love that society usually attributes to what (best) friends are supposed to be or behave like.

(Same for my family. I haven't seen some of them in years, I don't need to. I like them, I care about their wellbeing.)

You may be wondering, if that's my attitude towards friendships, how do I even have friendships.

They talked to me one day and we happened to keep talking because we liked what each other had to say. It's been years later, so it's safe to say that we still like each other, but not once have I ever initiated a friendship, funnily enough. All I did was just... reply or talk once and we kept talking and meeting up, and eventually we became friends, and because they know a lot about me and I about them, I care about them.

And this is what I think Senkū is like too.

He cares about his friends deeply and he obviously cares about his family too. But he doesn't feel any attraction to people. He never once had an "I need to be their friend" moment. He accidentally sort of becomes friends with them because of the situation they're in and then develops a friendship with them because they've been through a lot of things for multiple years.

How did he meet Taiju? Because Taiju saved his machinery. Senkū didn't have any friends prior to that. But then they talked and spent their childhood together and became friends.

Taiju introduced him to Yuzuriha, they talked, she helped with his experiments as well, and they too became friends.

Senkū not once initiated a friendship.

He may have approached some of them first, but not because he wanted to be their friend/felt platonic attraction, he just needed them for a plan, then he used them for his plans, but they stuck around and they talked and time passed.

If it comes to his plans or science, he talks first. If it comes to any "emotional" conversational topic, someone else initiates it.

Senkū just doesn't feel the need to have emotional connections, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't care about his friends or won't develop friendships, if that makes sense. He doesn't seek them, but if friendships happen to develop, he accepts it. He doesn't portray it outwardly, but deep within his heart he still cares.

Everyone in his life started out as an ally, it eventually became friendship. Senkū didn't recruit people because he wanted friends, he recruited them because he had a need for allies to wage war against Tsukasa, then Ibara, then Whyman.

You can even apply it to Senkū's relationship with Xeno, who is according to the fanbook one of Senkū's "closest relationships" (the other one being Byakuya). Senkū respects Xeno as a scientist and as the only NASA employee who actually helped him build a rocket, but even then it's because Xeno talked first and their relationship was strictly mentor and mentee, it was hardly a friendship in what society defines it as anyway. I guess the closest equivalent would be Marty McFly and Doc Brown from Back to the Future (I know, Marty isn't Doc's mentee, but it's about the assisting in science projects part), if it comes to media, but even then Senkū's and Xeno's mentorship would not fit the definition of friendship the way Marty's and Doc's does.

I also call Senkū loveless, because he would never enter a queer platonic relationship (qpr). Entering one would mean you experience a type of connection that is more than friendship, but not romantic or sexual. Or at least that's how I came to understand it. Personally, I'm still confused on what they're actually like aside from them developing from a "tertiary form of attraction". This is where angled and oriented AroAces come in, and why some people call themselves "AroAce lesbians" for example. They experience a different type of attraction towards women that's not just friendship, but it's also not romantic or sexual (at least that's how I understand it, any tertiary attraction feeling AroAces correct or explain it to me, because it's been confusing me for years).

Now look at Senkū and tell me that he'd ever enter such a relationship, when he barely feels the need to make friends on his own. He says it himself "love causes only problems" because of the emotions involved in it. He also, as we established, doesn't feel the need to make friends. If that's already too much and Senkū doesn't have the need for friends, and a QPR is similar, except it lacks the romantic and sexual part and is supposedly "more than a mere friendship", then Senkū definitely wouldn't have that.

I think it's important to mention that, but I think at this point it is obvious, I don't define attraction and caring as the same things.

Why would I? It isn't the same thing, otherwise we wouldn't have different words for it.

Attraction means I myself feel the need to be close to whatever attracts me, maybe that I can't stop thinking about it because I need it in my life, but it can also be superficial.

Care is that it doesn't cross my mind every day, but maybe I happen to think about it once because it crossed my mind, or if I'm with friends or family who tell me about something that happened to them, I care about their wellbeing.

You may also have noticed that I barely even used the word "love" despite talking about being "loveless". As I mentioned in the beginning, I really don't think it's the right term. We love. We care. But it's just not the love people think of first (aka romantic). I love my hobbies, I love my friends and family, I love my favourite characters. But none of this is what society tells me that love is supposed to be or feel like. But it's the most direct way of saying "I don't experience any type of attraction", as misleading as it is, sadly.

And that's it, basically.

Again, it's just my own definition and experience, so how true it is for the majority of AroAces or how much you agree with me, is totally up to you and anyone else. Emotional matters are confusing, and a lot of the time don't make sense and are hard to put into words, but I gave it my best shot with all I know right now. If you're curious or think that loveless may not be the right term after all, you're welcome to do more research on the terms angled and oriented, I bet there are a lot of AroAces who identify with those labels ready to help you out, and who know much more about it than me.

I hope I was able to help you in any way to find some clarity! Thanks again for stopping by, feel free to do that again any time!!

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #loveless #loveless aroace #ask #anon #dr stone #ishigami senku #senku ishigami #ishigami senkū

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avalonmoonshinesstuff · 1 year

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I just realised Something about a portion of fandom I don't really engage with all that much. Because I don't want to, btw.

In all other shows, movies, books, etc, every single bad person is at least somewhat 'ugly' according to the narrative. The 'problematic' characters rarely get acknowledged because there are so many good looking characters who are good themselves (I remember Annabelle from the first book of Percy Jackson, I think, and there were more ofc).

However, Rowling's main idea about appearances was that it was an illusion. Every single good looking character is either reprehensible or ends up dying (Cedric) in the same book they were introduced*. The story wants to be relatable to how every teen feels, and no matter what, we all have insecurities.

However, they're just teens, and on top of that, at least one or more of our main teens have done something terrible or badwrong (Hermione with skeeter and Marietta). So, they aren't exceptionally beautiful and neither are they exceptionally good. Even the side characters who are popular come across as jerks to some of their family members, making their sibling cry.

This creates a problem for the people who don't have a sense of self yet, or are so scarred they can only look at life through black & white lenses.

The Halo effect playing greatly onto the above, we're presented with another set of teens, two of whom are described as extremely sought after by the opposite sex, one of whom is popular, and the final one who has endeared himself by showing ugly Snivellus his place (via map and the Verbal Sparring). They all, by the end of this introduction, understand that Snivellus is badwrong and doesn't deserve anything good.

'It's clear he's the villain, and has been since forever, see, these people agree with me and they're the Protagonist's parents.' Whether this is believed because of the Halo effect or taking Harry's perspective to mean a God pov, I can't tell. The point being, they are even more convinced.

They want an escape from how difficult it is to sort out their feeling about these people the author keeps throwing at their face so why not attach to the characters who are dead or strongly attached to the protagonist (so they can never be badwrong in later books). A safety blanket of sorts, if you will. And in doing so, they completely ignore the nuances of the scenes presented in the last book. Because they are attached, they'd rather call badwrong Snivellus' love impure than explore what the montage of all his memories implied. That beauty is skin deep.

The thing about people who like such black and white scenarios and people is: they will always fall prey to the Halo Effect. And it's extremely painful to be disillusioned about your favourites. So they may never get disillusioned.

All this to say, sometimes I wonder why that part of the fandom is like 'that'. And it's just that this is the safety net in this series, or this is just how vanilla people outside of fandom coming in can take.

And that's fine (coz I'm crazy for the marauders era as well, just with a slightly wider taste pallet).

TL Dr: The antis are attracted to wholesome ships and since Rowling made it so difficult to find such ships until much later where you are emotionally connected with each character, the antis attached to a bunch of (mostly) dead people who, by association to the Hero of the story, being pretty, popular, and clear on their behaviour with the badwrong confusing character, are all good. They were desperately looking for the safety net in the books and found some. Also, since antis are the way they are, maybe they believe the fictional character being dead means people would not criticise their wholesome ship? Idk.

A/N:

*The only properly handsome man - Bill - barely gets mentioned, marries a beautiful woman, and imo the only reason he doesn't die is because he didn't revel in his handsomeness or popularity (him liking Snape in school is so cute + that disqualifies him from being popular with the antis since he likes the badwrong character). Also, he was literally scarred on his once handsome face to show that his wife actually loved him and didn't just choose him to have beautiful babies. Her being a veela and owning her Frenchness were already flaws (in the narrative's opinion) so all she needed was a scarred husband. Now, they both don't have to die 🤣.

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ocean-sapphics · 10 months

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what are ocean sapphics? & flags!

'ocean' is the umbrella grouping term for presentation labels that lesbian & bi/pan sapphics can use regarding femininity, masculinity, and androgyny.

these terms were initially coined by strwbryfemme on twitter, using their gimmick account sapphicimagines back in january of 2022. both accounts have since been deactivated and therefore this thread is long gone. i found them in an old flag hoard album on my camera roll recently and decided to respectfully reupload them in case anyone else would enjoy.

NOTE #1: i will not be putting the rest of this, admittedly quite long, post under a ‘read more’ cut due to the fact that all the information would be lost if someone decided to reblog it and the original post ended up gone sometime in the future. you would not be able to view anything under it, since whatever is there can only be seen on the original page. i apologize if you have to scroll a lot because of this, but that’s unfortunately one of the many inconvenient ways tumblr works.

NOTE #2 (MUST READ): i felt it would be best to swap their usage of 'pearl' to mean masc, not androgyne. this is because these chosen words feel unbalanced in their meanings to me. 'ocean' feels too broad and vague to cover just one category (hence why i made it overarching instead), and doesn't fit its place in the hierarchy of the theme. it'd be like saying, for example: 'cat' is fem, 'animal' is masc, and 'dog' is androgynous; instead of saying 'cat' is fem, 'dog' is masc, and 'furry' (lmao idk ok? bear with me) is androgynous. i then turned what was previously 'pearl' into 'coral' as a replacement, since that made more sense from my perspective. if this confuses you while reading the tweets below, i have put my corrections for the labels/flags in alt text, which you can click on each image to access. if that doesn't help, feel free to ask questions. i tried to make this as easy and least complex as possible, so i apologize if that didn't work.

NOTE #3: if cat (strwbryfemme) and/or atlas (ilikegaycookies, who designed the bi flags btw) finds this and would like me to take it down, i will do so upon request, directly or indirectly, and also delete this blog. i intend no disrespect to either of you and i'm posting this because i like your ideas and don't want them to rot and be forgotten anymore than they already have. i edited the words themselves because i thought they would fit better, but i can also revert them back to their original versions if need be.

with that out of the way, let’s get onto the flags first!

sapphic:

lesbian:

bisexual:

information (REMINDER THAT I HAVE RE-COINED A COUPLE OF TERMS. READ ALT TEXT TO KNOW WHICH WORDS TO SWAP OUT WHEN READING THE SCREENSHOTS!):

any and all help with IDs/PTs are appreciated! i do not have the spoons to write them out as of now due to the rest of the work i'm putting into this post, but if someone wants to volunteer then i can put all the text into a rentry (or multiple) and edit it here to make the images more accessible to disabled readers. thank you!

here is some more stuff i would like to add (please also read these too if you are interested in claiming, or even if you are not on board with all this):

you should keep in mind that i am a white tme bi sapphic who knows my history and claims 'butch', so i will not argue about butch/femme discourse because i strongly support the terms not being lesbian-exclusive. however, it should be understood that i still know my place and privilege regarding other applicable aspects and do not wish to offend anyone or start discourse here. this post is simply a reupload and attempt at re-suggesting cute terms for personal use only, entirely by choice. they are not designed to be forced on anyone or become mainstream, especially not to replace femme/butch/futch or even the infamous doe/stag/tomcat. you do not have to like these or agree with them. you are allowed to dismiss the idea and move on as it wasn't made to erase or hurt anyone. please hold anyone who does spread these in bad faith accountable, thanks.

with that being said, it is my opinion that we should grant their wishes for wanting to keep this series exclusive to the sapphic community. i do not personally consider either of these individuals to be overall 'bad people', even if we disagree on some things heavily. they still deserve respect for the positive contributions they have made to our community, which is why, again, i will remove all of the above without hesitation if asked by a credible messenger.

one last thing to be reminded of ─ if anyone else ends up playing around with the theme of these terms + flags, for any given reason (such as designing pan/trans/enby/etc. versions), please do not use the word 'fish', especially if you are also white, as that already exists within a Black-exclusive context to be a cultural identity adjacent to 'femme'! i will not speak or give an opinion about what to do or not if you are Black, as i'm sure you will be able to take it from there.

this is not necessary to read, so you can stop now lol ─ anyway, thank you for your attention, and enjoy! reblogs are appreciated, and comments will be listened to. if you have any complaints directed towards the content itself, then i unfortunately cannot help you with that as said content is not really mine. however, i will try to respond to stuff related to my act of reuploading and/or adjusting the terminology. remember that i self-identify as butch and am critical of coining ideas with a similar purpose to doe/stag, but obviously i am not against it. as long as you can understand my point of view, your opinions will matter, even if they (respectfully!) dissent. have a lovely rest of your day/night!

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haleigh-sloth · 1 year

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Can you please explain the TogaTwice clones for me? When they first showed up I thought they were all Twice with his personality, but the leaks seem to indicate that they're just Togas transformed into Twices. But why then is only the original Toga having a breakdown and showing her emotions? If they're all Toga's then wouldn't they all feel the same way? And what about the Dabi and Tomura clones? Are they also Togas? If so then why's there an AFO clone there? She's never given the indication that she "loves" AFO, so it wouldn't be expected that she could use his quirk(s).

I'm answering 3 separate asks in this post, starting with this one.

Okay so I'm a little confused because I'm not sure why anyone thought Twice was legit back from the dead. It's always been Toga.

Now, looking at when it was Twice using his quirk, the clones he created of the LOV in Kamino and MVA all had the quirks and personalities of who he cloned. It's the same premise here. When Toga transforms into Twice, she is still Toga. But when she uses Twice's quirk and clones Twice--just as Twice cloned the LOV--she is using Twice's quirk the way he did, creating clones with the personality of who the clone is of. So yes, when we first saw the clones appear, it was Twice's personality. But that doesn't mean it was TWICE. It's still TOGA.

They're carrying out what she wished for before forming all those clones. But Twice's clones acted on their own accord, they weren't all affected by the original's emotions. The clones are parroting what she last said "annihilate all heroes" because, well, even with Twice's personality, they are still her. In MVA and Kamino the clones are all acting on the same objective. So this isn't unexplained.

Yes the Touya and Tomura clones are also technically Toga. We didn't see it this chapter but even if they had Tomura's and Touya's personalities, they'd still just be coming from Toga. Because it's still not Twice, it's Toga.

Why is AFO there? Well, she's just cloning them? There was never a precedent set that she had to love people to just clone them? She just needs their measurements. The stuff with the quirks of Tomura and Touya not being used will be answered down below.

Idk where romantic feelings were mentioned as a necessity. Toga doesn't specify romantic love. The only time I think it's safe to say was explicitly romantic attraction was her middle school crush. Every thing else since then has been Toga expressing her admiration and envy of people as "love" (i.e. wanting to BE them in order to reject herself).

NOW you're asking a really good question, what does her love even mean! I think if you're trying to find a strongly defined boundary, you might have a hard time doing that. Because we have two facts:

She can use Ochacko's quirk

She can use Twice's quirk

I don't think I need to explain how different their relationships are though, right? So CAN you put a boundary on what Toga explicitly means when she uses the word "love" to describe her feelings? I'm having a hard time doing it myself, but I think there are constrictions within her definition of the word.

The thing is, there is a common denominator between her relationship with Twice and with Ochacko.

Acceptance.

Twice accepted her with open arms. Twice embraced who she was openly, celebrated her existence. There's a reason her relationship with Twice was emphasized over her relationships with the rest of the LOV. Twice--the only one during MVA who was shown giving his all to save her, while the rest of the LOV were either heading toward Giran or fighting elsewhere. Twice who openly expressed concern over where she was. The way their relationship is shown to be innocently childish in comparison to the rest of the LOV members.

On Ochacko--taking it back to Kamino where she immediately found some sort of relation to Ocha to try to bond over in a very imposing, boundary-crossing way. And ever since that one interaction Toga has craved her acceptance and chased after it if she got the opportunity to.

During MVA when she's being reminded of her past and how she was outcasted by friends and family, she awakens her quirk and is able to channel Ochacko's zero gravity. In that moment it was Toga unreliably narrating her very unconvincing reassurance that she's not miserable or sad, that her normal is exactly what she wants (when it's literally not lol). The ironic part of that timing is THAT is when she is able to channel Ochacko's quirk and use it--Ochacko the girl she related to, wants to be friends with, wants acceptance from, wants understanding from. Ochacko who isn't a villain on the run, has friends who love her.

Twice was that friend who loved her. In a sense, Twice simulated what Toga wanted from Ochacko (who represents society as a whole for Toga's arc). Twice was a stand in, but the life the LOV is living is not what Toga wants.

And I think what's most important is the fact that Toga said she tried to use Tomura's and Touya's quirks before the battle by transforming into them, and it didn't work. Emphasizing the difference and meaning behind her relationship with Twice, and then Ochacko.

So idk if there is any one definition for Toga to use the word love in any situation, but based on what we know from the manga it seems like her "love" means "acceptance", because that's the one thing her relationship with Twice (where she has acceptance) has in common with her relationship with Ochacko (where she desperately wants acceptance).

Ding ding ding!!!!

Left this last tidbit for down here

"Healthy relationships"--yep. I think that's what it's boiling down to.

Toga--much like Tomura and Touya!--hates herself which is why she escapes her reality by transforming into other people. She's strongly connected to the people she feels she has something to relate over. With Twice it was wanting and giving acceptance. With Ochacko it's her innocent crush she relates to, and because she relates to her she feels that Ochacko would/should be accepting of her. So she chases after it.

The issue is that Toga IS misguided in how she acts on her feelings because uhhh yeah you can't drink people's blood and stuff, not cool.

But we already know she can chill out her blood lust if she isn't being forced to pretend she doesn't have feelings lol. Her quirk reacts to her emotions (just like Touya and Tomura!) and when she's suffering inside, she snaps on the outside.

Not being able to use Touya's and Tomura's quirks is because there's a lack of relation between her and them two. There's nothing she relates to them over. She doesn't want to destroy everything like Tomura, she doesn't want to die like Touya. There's a serious disconnect in that way.

Twice wanted acceptance and he felt like he had it, she wants acceptance and she is still trying to get it. They related to each other in that way.

#bnha spoilers #bnha 382 #toga himiko #league of villains #bnha asks #anonymous

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genderqueerdykes · 1 year

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im intersex and transmasc/a trans man and ive questioned being transfem as well, but its so hard for me to feel i can claim that when i dont present femininely very often and my connection is mainly to femininity itself, with womanhood its complicated... im definitely intergender and feel it's likely i'm trans because of having hyperandrogenism, i feel i may be a woman otherwise and have always felt connection to womanhood just without *being* a woman, its just not what happened for me (#complicated trans intersex things), i just always yearn for womanhood even though i just know deep down its not for me and never couldve been bc of being intersex, it just wouldnt have ever felt right. personality wise still i am very feminine, more feminine than masculine, very into feminine things/have very predominantly feminine interests, so all these things make me feel connection to the transfem label but i end up feeling like since i don't ever really look feminine that often and it's unclear to me if i'm considered to have a feminine gender (gender is a mess) that i can't claim the label (honestly since then i think i don't experience transmisogyny very often and some say that's a requirement to be transfem)

so lost on it, any time i tried calling myself transfem i felt like a fake and that if people saw how masculine i am that they would call me a fake (honestly i dont even know if that would happen if that itself would be considered transmisogyny for someone like me since i do identify as a transmasc too and im more masculine now because of being on testosterone even though it is as significant as it is because of the hyperandrogenism... Idk if it counts as transmisogyny towards a transfem intersex person when its partly from being on testosterone even tho it wouldnt show up as strongly if you were perisex, yknow. more complications sigh)

so there's a lot of nuance to being intersex, and i totally understand why you're so confused and lost, because that's where i'm still at right now, so don't feel bad at all

it can take a very long time to kind of unwind that you're not perisex and that perisex logic doesn't apply to you. it doesn't really matter if you're "more" feminine than masculine, honestly, sometimes that makes it harder for intersex people, because when you have more subtle masculine features, people often think you are a transfeminine person attempting to hide those features due to dysphoria or trying to pass. it's very annoying, people are invasive in ways that aren't necessary

afab intersex people are often denied our femininity wholesale due to our masculine features. i was told i wasn't a "real girl" and i couldn't do things like wear makeup, for example, without getting absolutely ridiculed for no reason by my peers. i was also ridiculed for carrying a purse, or wearing feminine clothing. i was told i was "too manly to be a girl" because of my face shape, the slope of my shoulders, the flatness/sagginess of my chest, and my beard/mustache and body hair. i wasn't a guy either though, because i had a high pitched voice and a very obvious hourglass figure, so people just couldn't seem to figure out exactly what they wanted out of me. i was ridiculed into chest binding because people thought me wearing any other type of bra was me "trying to be a girl".

it's very confusing and it's a hard place to exist in in life. i think perisex people just don't really quite get how hard it is to exist as an intersex person. our experiences are so unique that you really can't apply any other logic to it other than our own specific situations. every intersex person is different as well.

if you find yourself relating to this, then it sounds like you experience a transfeminine intersex experience. keep in mind that it doesn't really matter what your agab is due to how you've been treated and if you've been denied the ability to identify as feminine or female in some way due to your agab, it is a transfeminine experience. it's just important to remember to never speak over or for amab transfeminine people, of course.

also, once you are on testosterone for a while, if you choose HRT, and you choose you present femininely, people more than likely will interpret you as transfeminine. i was getting so aggressively she/her'd when i had my long pink hair that i had to shave it off because i was sick of it. i had an old woman in a dollar store rush up to me to tell me to be careful, because there are people out there who like to attack certain girls. i really appreciated the gesture but it just goes to show you how people jump to conclusions very quickly when they see a "masculine body" and "feminine clothing" combined.

i hope that helps you out, i know it'll take some time for you to be able to come to terms with everything. i still am, myself, it's hard. there's no guidebook to being intersex, i wish our experiences were more well spoken of, but for now we simply have to do our best with what we have. i'm going to write a few zines and leaflets down the road to hopefully help other intersex people like us who are confused and need a sense of community. take care of yourself, hope you're able to sort everything out. good luck

#asks #answers #intersex #transfemasc #transmascfem #transmasc

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danpuff-ao3 · 10 months

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oh hello! Thanks for the ask!

55.) Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

This one is interesting. As in: probably there are patterns, as I'm a very self-indulgent person, so why wouldn't I play with what I love and enjoy over and over again? But also they're so ingrained in me, they might not be obvious to me; or they might not stick out to anyone but me.

Part of the problem is also that I often prefer to be quite subtle with some things (and as I've learned lately, probably too subtle sometimes 🤣), which means a lot of words are thrown at the wall but they don't all make the final cut. And I don't often reread my own works due to the cringe, so....idk all this to say "probably more than anyone will ever know about" 😂

I don't know if this really counts as a pattern, but I do like to focus a lot on the physical. Part of it is that idea of "showing rather than telling" and more focus on the physical sensation of an emotion, and the action/reaction to it. But there's also the indulgent side of it when it comes to appearance, which can lean either quite lush or quite harsh. Both of which I find indulgent!

Let me wax poetic about how ugly Snape is, please. Then on the flip side get me into his POV very bitterly worshipping at Harry's altar. And I'm forever a sucker for poetic eye descriptors, so there's plenty of me having all of the fun describing Harry's eyes. Emerald green, leaf green, absinthe green, arsenic green....I even compared them to snake scales once! 😄 And Severus is such a dark romantic, I fully lean into all the overblown poetry in his perspective. 0 cares, let me live my life, I'm writing this for me and me alone.

I also just feel super strongly about....not everyone has to be a model. In some POVs I can't go as hard as I want, but when I can....I do! Let my man Severus have his greasy hair and his crooked teeth. What's wrong with that?? He is the sexiest ugly man who's ever walked the earth. Let people have wrinkles or stretch marks or belly rolls!! My preoccupation with Snarry keeps me from exploring more of that in the way I want, but I swear most of my will to write other ships and characters is finding new imperfections to play with and love on. Be they physical or otherwise.

Extremity and chaos are big driving forces for me. Since I am a lady of extreme emotions and also chaos. 😂 Everything is big and wild and messy and scary and I like to portray that. I can appreciate people who like to focus more on the mundane or simple parts of life, but I'm here to talk about love that is like a hurricane, like a wildfire, like tornado. Love that is big and powerful and turns your life upside down and absolutely wrecks you. And the more complex matter of holding very different feelings or ideas at the same time.

This love is wonderful and terrible. Severus is ugly and sexy. This is my heart's desire, and also my greatest fear. I'm excited and terrified. I'm overjoyed and enraged. Also: confusion and/or misunderstandings. Harry who thinks he knows Severus' motivations, but he doesn't. And at the same time, Harry who has no idea what he thinks or feels at all, because everything he's dealing with is "too much" to even begin to comprehend it. So...big and messy is the ongoing theme.

Also: overuse/misuse of punctuation 😂 It's all quite intentional. I'm very meticulous about word choice and punctuation choice. And it's all on the vibe 100%. Some things are less about correctness and more about the feeling and the flow, because there is no room for logic when I'm trying to infect people with Emotions. All that to say I sometimes make questionable decisions but they're almost always on purpose! 😅

Virginity loss is also a big theme. I love it. I play with it a lot. It ties a lot onto existing preoccupations of mine such as "extremity" and "messiness" but also a level of "possessiveness" (that might give people the ick but oh well.) Then also, on a more personal level, me playing with and exploring my own feelings about not only the resurgence of purity culture in general, but the treatment of sex and shame specifically where I was born and raised. It's just one concept that hits so many very specific happy points for me while also doing some very real work in me, so I don't imagine that one will stop cropping up anytime soon!

Anyway....I feel like this is a jumbled mess and I answered it very badly but at least I tried! 😅 I'd be curious if any readers noticed any patterns whether I listed them or not 🤔

Fanfiction Writing Asks

#asked & answered

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myragewillendworlds · 11 months

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idk I am cis and I definitely don't "enjoy" being a woman. It is what it is. I disagree with terfs because they are a science denying hate group, but I think it's true that cis women don't "feel like women". I am a woman because my brain and my anatomy match in that perception, but I don't find joy or "feel" like it. I'd say not feeling strongly about "gender" is precisely indicative that you are cis, in fact. Whenever I see people saying they are NB/trans because "gender is whatever" I think that's the cis-est thing imaginable tbh.

I can agree with that, and think the point of your mental "gender" and physical sex being in tune is that it just feels… normal. It's not a euphoric ideal, it's normalcy.

I'm not really a fan of how unclear and generic that post makes being transgender sound (i.e. (wo)manhood making you miserable) and how that leads to the mistake of essentially comparing it to being gender non-conforming. "Gender should be joyous" sounds far too much like "You can pick and choose your gender, have fun with it" nonsense.

With that said, I also do believe that the majority of people connect with their gender in the way that post describes. The average non-internet-addicted person out there does think of their own sex and the opposite sex in the usual, stereotypical ways. Even women I know that proudly declare they're not the girly type, still tend to voice stereotypical beliefs (because those feel right to them, as opposed to the ones they openly choose to reject, not just because of "hurr society") and make it quite clear they are happy being women. It's why most radfem rhetoric sounds so terminally online to me; virtually all women I know in real life, from the ages of roughly 30 up to 65, enjoy being "stereotypical" women and quite regularly make statements about either women or men that underline this. Radfems insist that women are essentially brainwashed into thinking like this and once "liberated" would change their minds, but that's because they refuse to live in the real world and respect the reality that these women are actually perfectly capable of thinking for themselves, and really just feel this way about themselves.

Social media is definitely affecting this and I'm not sure if that is in fact leading to liberation. I mostly see it creating confusion and shame/guilt in younger generations. It's long stopped being "You can be whatever man/woman you want to be" and turned into a new oppressive standard; one that has no basis in natural human tendencies, but in bitterness and narcissistic pity parties and rejection of normalcy only for its own sake.

#ask #gender #gender identity #cisgender

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daydreamerdrew · 11 months

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some immediate Shazam! (2023) #2 thoughts:

I’m confused about why we’re starting the series off with this story. The conflict is that Billy’s empowering gods are scheming against him because they think that he doesn’t respect them enough and that he’s wasting his powers on trivial things, and because he doesn’t know that yet it’s raised the question of if he’s acting out because deep down he really does think he’s better and bigger than everyone. And it’s like… I don’t think that that’s a question that really needs to be directly addressed at all. Now, the explanation of why Billy doesn’t stay powered up all of the time, that the powers can become uncomfortable and he needs to exist without them in order to feel like himself, I can see that sustaining a longer story. This feels like a moot point, by being interested in this character I’ve already bought into that he’s not actually secretly self-absorbed. But even if that was something that some people were wondering, why start the series off on that note? It’s just kind of sour, idk.

Also, I hadn’t minded that Billy’s gods were being all evil at first because I’ve never cared about Billy’s relationship with them, but I had been assuming that that would be wrapped up in this issue because I didn’t think that that was interesting enough to sustain a longer story, and now I am actually a bit bothered, like I was when the Rock of Eternity became an antagonistic force, because I don’t see why we’ve got to make this foundational part of the character bad.

The relationship between the action and the dialogue at the beginning of the issue felt a bit off to me. The approach taken for this series was plot-dialogue where Mark Waid writes page-by-page plot breakdowns, Dan Mora draws as he likes, and then Mark Waid writes the dialogue. I don’t remember anything feeling weird in the first issue, and the rest of this issue wasn’t awkward in that regard, so it may have just been the complication of balancing a scene with that many characters specifically with that creative process.

I haven’t settled on an opinion on Billy’s characterization. There were a few moments in the first issue that emphasized him being childish that I didn’t like, but I enjoyed other parts, like the way he was talking about his fan-cast and his thought process during the earthquake rescue. This issue didn’t have those immature moments, but there was also nothing in it that felt strongly like Billy to me. Maybe that’s because of how a lot of the issue was either Billy being mentally influenced to not be like himself or reacting to those experiences, but I also didn’t like how he handled the conversation at the beginning with his family, tbh.

I’m disappointed that Mary is apparently going to college but is still living at home. I had really been hoping that she’d have gone back to Vassar but she presumably stuck with Fawcett Community College instead. And I’m assuming that that’s Mark Waid’s doing specifically because it really does not seem to me that that was the original intention for Mary during the publication of The New Champion of Shazam! (2022).

#my posts

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transenbyconfessions · 2 years

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I swear being neither cis, trans, nor nonbinary is so fucking tiring. My lived experiences have overlap with transmasculine people but if I try to engage with resources directed towards people who do not share the same gender as me, I know it’ll just anger me. I don’t want to engage with community that will consistently try to tell me that I’m a certain label when I’m not.

I flipflop between calling myself a butch or masculine woman and a vaguely masculine person depending on the context of the situation because I’m aware of how I present externally (and because sometimes it’s beneficial to misgender myself, either because I’ll never be able to change the sex/gender marker on my identification documents or because it’s personally enjoyable to do so/kink reasons).

Gender to me is directly tied to gender presentation, which IME is tied to various other things (my overall appearance, what I’m wearing, my body size, my voice if I speak, how threatening people perceive me to be, etc). Because of this it feels very subjective and transactional.

I don’t necessarily have an internal sense of gender, I just present myself in what I’ve found to be comfortable for myself and let people make assumptions off of that (like I have short hair mainly because it’s much easier to maintain and I wear mainly pants and shorts because they’re just more comfy - also men’s pants/shorts are much easier to find in my size). I use he/him in a gender neutral legal document way (idk how else to describe it, a lot of forms use masculine terms to refer to a non-descript gender neutral entity) because I don’t like being referred to using feminine terms and I don’t want to deal with grammar confusion.

What I guess I’m trying to say is that a lot of the time transness is equated to transitioning and I can’t relate to that (my experience of gender does not adhere to a ‘yes I want to transition to (xyz gender), I am (xyz gender) all the time, it is me’ narrative). Any ‘community resources’ that would technically be for someone who might have overlapping experiences as me, I feel very disconnected from because of how strongly people insist on forcing others into labels and policing how gender works (like if you don’t want to completely distance yourself from your assigned sex at birth you often labeled as a ‘gender traitor’ in one way or another).

Yet then people are surprised when I express frustration about this because ‘maybe you should just try reaching out to the trans community’ - which just angers me more because IMO it shows they aren’t actually listening to me.

When I have over 10 years of continuous experiences that show me in various contexts that the ‘trans community’ is a chaotic mess & the community politics inside of it are full of vitriol and hatred, why would I want to go back to that?Wanting to belong to a queer community resulted in younger me being manipulated into belonging to a group full of abusive tactics meant to focus control around leadership, why the fuck would I want that? /rt

#gender expression #trans #transgender #nonbinary #non binary #non-binary #nb #enby

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therapized-eddie · 28 days

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i just saw your post in the 911 spoilers tag and i gotta say i agree with you about feeling out of step with the fandom regarding tommy. i honestly don’t care if it happens or not but i feel so so confused most of the time that fandom is apparently 100% convinced that buckxtommy is happening? but there have been zero hints or evidence or anything? we haven’t even seen them interact yet! that article from tim does not confirm him as a love interest like they’re saying it does, him being involved in stories is literally just him being a recurring character this season, he’s obviously gonna be involved in stories 😅 idk it’s just making my enjoyment of the show take a hit bc i feel like i’m being gaslit or people are mocking those who don’t believe the theories. i’ve blocked so many people and tbh i think i might take a step back from social media and theories for the rest of the season, which is a shame bc i usually enjoy that as a fan

we don't have quite the same feelings about this i think, as part of the point of my post was that i'm not really bothered by the spec either. so like i don't get why some people are so into it and also why some people are so turned off by it. to each their own of course! it's just the first time probably i've felt *this* out of step with fandom where so many people feel strongly one way or the other and i'm just meh. idk if i'm explaining myself very well but if you get me you get me. :)

i'm sorry you're thinking about taking a step back from fandom if it normally brings you joy though! *hugs* might i suggest filtering post content for the word tommy? because the spec is certainly not going to lessen after he's actually in an episode tonight lol. i've got a couple 911 fandom things filtered and there's no shame in that!

#jess replies #911 spoilers

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spidernerdsblog · 3 years

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Hi 🙋‍♀️I have a request if u take them. Cud u write sth about Tom Holland x singer reader and the reader is performing at the Grammys or sth and the performance and song and costume is like really seggsy and Tom gets jealous??? Idk 🤷‍♀️ Sorry to bother u I just love your writing

Sorry this took me so long was at a lack of ideas. I strongly believe Taylor Swift’s reputation deserved a Grammy. So I'm borrowing her album for the reader. Hope you like this.

Pairing : Tom Holland x Singer! Reader

Warnings : angst, fluff, jealousy, suggestive theme, missed typos

Mini Playlist : Endgame by Taylor Swift, There’s nothing holding me back by Shawn Mendes

Baby I'm jealous

You and Tom were seated at the back when your limo pulled over at the venue. You could hear the commotion from the inside even though you have walked numerous red carpets by now but it still seems to be a little nerve racking to you. Especially when this is the first time Tom is accompanying you to the Grammys which is going to be a big deal for the media. The security personnel opened the door and as you stepped out of the car you were flooded with flashing lights from the cameras.

Tom held out his hand for you, you slipped your arm into his and walked with a dazzling smile posing for the cameras “you look amazing, darling” he knelt down to whisper in your ear. In the meantime a lady journalist came forward to ask you a bunch of questions.

“So Y/N three nominations this year, how are you feeling?”

“Well it’s always good to be back here and share the stage with all these talented artists as usual I’m excited and looking forward to the night” you answered.

“We see you have brought company this year” she remarked which had you blushing.

“Yeah, I couldn't think of a better company than him on this very important occasion” you said bashfully tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Tom, what do you have to say?” she poses the question to him.

“Uhh I mean she has always been an incredible singer and her songs are the reason that made me fall in love with her in the first place” he replied looking proudly at you.

“Aww you both are adorable. Wish you the best” she said before leaving.

“Thank you so much” you thanked her, walking inside the auditorium and sat on your designated seats. There you were met with lots of your friends from the music industry as you said hi and chatted with them for a while.

“Hey Y/N how are you?!” you heard Shawn from behind as you turned around and went to eagerly hug him. You and Shawn were really good friends from the beginning of your career and you have always been supporting each other’s works.

“I’m good, how are you?” you chirped.

“I’m fine now” he remarked cheekily and went to sit beside you as you started talking catching up on each other totally ignoring Tom. To be honest he was a little annoyed seeing you so over friendly with him but he brushed off his thoughts quickly.

The show began and a few awards were distributed with some performances in between by different artists. You too had to perform for tonight which also included a duet with Shawn and soon your time came as you stood up from your seat to go backstage.

“Best of luck, love” Tom said to boost your confidence.

“Thanks babe” you kissed on his cheek lovingly.

“See you on the stage Y/N” Shawn snickered.

“Oh I’m looking forward to it” you blew him an air kiss and headed backstage to change into your stage outfit. The stage was set and you could hear the loud cheers of the audience from backstage. Truth to be told you always get a little nervous before any public concert but this time it was different because Tom sat there in the audience and you are more excited than nervous to perform. The lights went out and the screen doors slid open as you walked on the stage with the spotlight on you. The notes begin to play as you vocalize striding across the stage with oomph.

I wanna be your endgame

I wanna be your first string

I wanna be your A-Team

I wanna be your endgame, endgame

The crowd cheered as the supporting dancers slowly entered the stage. Tom sat amidst the crowd in awe witnessing you in your full glory. You owned the stage like a queen. He knew you were the prettiest woman he has ever met but the bodycon suit you were wearing accentuated your curves all at the right places.

Big reputation, big reputation

Ooh you and me we got big reputations, ah

And you heard about me, ooh

I got some big enemies

You waltzed around the stage with a sultry look in your eyes, slightly swaying your hips making the crowd go crazy. Tom was very good at keeping his emotions under check but when it comes to you he’s a possessive man so when he heard a few men from the crowd passing comments of how hot and sexy you looked he was fuming from inside. You went on to sing two more songs from your album then transitioned to Shawn’s latest single.

You take me places that tear up my reputation

Manipulate my decisions

Baby, there's nothing holdin' me back

“Make some noise for Shawn Mendes!” you cheered as he emerged from the backstage playing the chords on his guitar and the audience screamed at the top of their voice.

I wanna follow where she goes

I think about her and she knows it

I wanna let her take control

'Cause everytime that she gets close, yeah

He sang with his gaze directed at you which didn’t go unnoticed by Tom who was looking at you both with narrowed eyes and clenched jaws.

She pulls me in enough to keep me guessing (mmm)

And maybe I should stop and start confessing

Confessing, yeah

You joined in singing along the lyrics with him exchanging flirtatious gestures with each other. You encouraged the audience to sing along with you.

Oh, I've been shaking

I love it when you go crazy

You take all my inhibitions

Baby, there's nothing holdin' me back

You take me places that tear up my reputation

Manipulate my decisions

Baby, there's nothing holdin' me back

There's nothing holdin' me back

You were clearly having a fun time sharing the stage with Shawn as you both swayed to the beat with a wide smile and the crowd cheered you on. Tom heard someone saying “they make a good pair” and he completely lost it. Now he was jealous even though he knows it’s wrong because you had always made it clear that you loved him more than anything but you in that ravishing outfit dancing and singing being way too comfortable around each other wasn’t helping much.

Your performance ended after some time and Tom couldn’t be anymore happier. You were back in the audience again as Shawn couldn’t stop praising you “you just set the stage on fire Y/N! It was awesome”

“Oh shut up! You weren’t bad either” you quipped. Tom sat there silently feeling neglected at how you had time to talk with everyone except him. The show ended with you winning the three categories you were nominated for : album of the year, song of the year and artist of the year. You were elated at your achievements as your team escorted you for a photo session. You saw Tom standing at a distance and walked over to him.

“Why are you standing here? Come and stand with me” you said, grabbing his arm.

“No I’m better off standing here rather than being your arm candy” he says bitterly pulling out his arm from your hold.

“What?!” you were slightly taken aback as you looked at him in confusion.

“Hey Y/N!” your manager called out.

“Just a moment!” you told him to wait and dragged Tom to a corner.

“What the hell was that back there?” you hissed at him.

“You know it very well” you shrugged with a disinterested look on his face.

“I-I really don’t understand where this is coming from Tom but are you upset with something?” you were really concerned with his sudden outburst.

“Well isn’t that obvious? When your girlfriend brings you to a public event to treat you like a sidepiece and goes on flirting with her colleagues on stage it is naturally upsetting” he jabbed at you.

“Are you even listening to what you are saying Tom? Everyone here are my work friends just like you have” you retorted in a hushed tone.

“Well it looked more than just friends” he bit back.

“Now you’re being ridiculous” you were totally done with him, fuming at his accusation.

“Y/N come fast!” your manager called you again.

“Yeah coming!” you replied and turned to Tom again “you know what it was actually my fault that I brought you along with me. I thought we were ready to take the next step in our relationship but it clearly doesn’t look like that” you snapped at him and walked back to have your pictures taken. You were stopped by various people, for interviews as well as to congratulate you for your win but you were so annoyed with Tom you couldn’t concentrate properly.

Towards the end of the night, you had almost forgotten about Tom’s comments as you busied yourself into conversations with different people from the industry, sipping on champagne.

As soon as he cooled down Tom was quick to realize his mistake and tried to approach you several times, but you successfully ignored him by preoccupying yourself elsewhere. He eventually caught up to you, grabbing your arm before you could walk away “Y/N, please. Can we just talk for a second?”

“No I don’t think so because I’m quite busy flirting with each and every guy over here” you snapped, turning to walk away. He grabbed your arm again, “Y/N, c’mon love, I’m really sorry” he whined.

You whipped around “not now Tom. We will talk after we get out of here so if you will excuse me” saying so you walked away to be stopped by a reporter for another interview. The after party ended an hour as you and Tom exited the place. You climbed into the limo, quickly putting up the privacy window. Tom climbed in after you, taking a seat glancing at you.

“What?” you scowled, crossing your arms over your chest. You could tell he was really upset with what he’d said earlier.

“Y/N.. I can't even explain how sorry I am” he started “I know I was being a dick back there and I feel terrible about it”

You leaned back in your seat sighing “you know what, I'm really tired. Can we talk about this after we reach home?” He nodded silently in agreement without uttering a single word on the drive back.

Once you got home, you walked through the living room and made your way into your shared bedroom. You sat on the bed taking off your heels and massaged your ankles. After sometime Tom joined you in the bedroom. He takes off his suit jacket and loosens his tie as you stare at him for a second. He looked so good in formal attire which filled your head with filthy thoughts. How you could have celebrated your win in a different way but he had to ruin it by acting out like that.

“Y/N, I truly am sorry. I.. I have no excuse for my behavior. It was completely my fault” he walked over to you, sitting next to you on the bed.

You sighed deeply and stood up walking over to your walk in closet. Your hands went to your back to reach out to the zipper of your dress “I really didn’t expect this from you at least. Of all the people I thought you would understand since you are in the same line of work” you said with disappointment clear in your voice. Tom hung his head low in shame.

“I know babe it was rude and totally uncalled for. I was a fucking idiot and let my insecurities get the best of me” he said with remorse.

“Then just think about how I feel when I have to watch you making out with other women on screen. I never said anything to you. Instead I always supported you and you on the other hand questioned our relationship just because I was singing and dancing with someone else who happens to be a very good friend of mine” you ranted still struggling with the zipper of your dress “a little help please?” you huffed slightly irritated and angry.

Tom bit back a smile as he walked over to you and helped you unzip your dress. He took your hands in his and pecked on them gently “I didn't mean to ruin the night for you” he apologized, looking down at your hands.

You pulled out your hands and crossed your arms “well it wasn’t that bad given that I won three Grammys but I wished you were there by my side” you said completely forgetting that you were standing there in just your strapless bra and very tiny pair of lace underwear.

Tom was eyeing you the whole time with a known smirk plastered on his face. You noticed that and looked down at yourself “oh, c’mon. I’m trying to have a serious conversation here!” you scoffed, throwing your hands in the air. You shook your head in annoyance and grabbed the black silk robe, tying it around your body.

Tom was broken out of his trance as he walked over to you, placing a hand on your cheek “Y/N believe me I’m really sorry. I wish I could take back all the horrible things I said to you. You didn’t deserve any of it. Sorry for being such a jerk to you”

Your expression softened as you held his hand gently “well I’m glad to hear that. And even if I try I can’t stay mad at you for a longtime so apology accepted” you said with a smile.

“Thank you darling it would never happen again I promise” he says stroking his thumb on your cheek bone as he leaned in, pressing a kiss to your lips “and I mean it” he stated a hand reaching up to untie your robe as your robe fell open, your breath hitched “though it was slightly your fault too, how do you expect me to not get jealous seeing you with someone else looking so bloody gorgeous in that outfit?” he hooked his index finger under the silk on your shoulder, pulling the robe down slowly, leaving a trail of goosebumps on your skin “but I’m really sorry” he whispers in a husky tone.

“Then prove it” you looked at him challengingly, a smirk tugged at the corner of your lips. Without any further delay Tom crashed his lips to yours effortlessly lifting you up by your thighs as you wrapped your legs around his waist.

...........................................................

Reblogs are appreciated ❤️

#tom holland #tom holland one shot #tom holland smut #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagines #tom holland fluff

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makeste · 3 years

Text

BnHA Chapter 299: No Chains Left

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “and then AFO broke out all of the inmates from six other prisons and took a nap. well anyways, here’s the hospital angst.” Kacchan woke up two days later and was all, “WAIT BUT HOW ARE DEKU AND TODOROKI AND ALL OF THE OTHER CHARACTERS EXCEPT IIDA DOING” and then we cut to Shouto’s room where the other U.A. kids were sitting around being Mutually Traumatized and giving each other moral support and such. Everyone was alll, “...”, and then the rest of the Todofam showed up, INCLUDING POSSIBLY REI?! which, omg. The chapter ended with Kacchan STOMPING THROUGH THE HALLS all “WHADDYA MEAN DEKU HASN’T WOKEN UP YET”, dragging along Satou and Mineta behind him, fueled by the power of ALL OF THE FUCKS HE NOW GIVES. He gives so many fucks now you guys. This boy cares so much he can probably deduct it on his taxes.

Today on BnHA: SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO GIVE A LOT OF FUCKS, the story cuts abruptly to Hawks, freshly recovering from his near-death experience, and pondering the threads that have weaved the tapestry of his life and led him to this moment. Basically he grew up in poverty with his Jerk Dad and Jerk Mom until his dad got arrested one day and his mom sent him off to go Find Money Or Something, and so he rescued a busload of people and found himself a new career. Back in the present day, Hawks and Jeanist ride around town in Jeanist’s Jamborghini having awkward encounters with civilians in a country on the brink of social collapse, and visiting Hawks’s mother’s home. Hawks is all “I know from an outsider’s perspective it must look like my life currently sucks, but now that the HPSC is gone, my public image is shot, and my parents are finally out of my life, I’m actually feeling SURPRISINGLY GOOD.” Anyway so he’s gonna go meet up with Endeavor now, and p.s. this chapter was fucking fantastic though, damn.

oh my god?? is this Hawks narration?? something about him growing up watching the heroes on TV and thinking of them as fictional characters

okay I scrolled down a little bit more to see the rest of that “Keigo” panel, and wow

this is basically a shed. poor boy definitely grew up rough. let me tell you guys, I came in here ready for some BakuDeku shenanigans; I was not prepared for Hawks Flashback Angst. I AM HERE FOR IT, but also wow I gotta brace myself now lol

HELLO MISTER HAWKS’S JERK DAD, SIR

BnHA sure does have an array of Jerk Dads, doesn’t it. makes me appreciate characters like Masaru and JirouDad all the more for bucking the trend

anyway. so Horikoshi, you really thought that one itty bitty chapter of hospital catharsis would be enough to calm us all before you went right back to showing us child abuse huh. my god man can we rest

BABY HAWKS

swear to god this kid can’t be more than five or six, and yet he has this completely blank look on his face even with his dad looming over him being all threatening and shit. like he’s shut down his emotions to protect himself. imagine what has to happen to a child for him to have learned this at such a young age. fuck

AND MEANWHILE THIS GUY

don’t mingle with humans?? not “other” humans, just humans?? what is this implying here?? and also holy shit Hawks definitely didn’t inherit his looks from his dad orz

then again he doesn’t really bear much of a resemblance to his strung-out mom here either

omg omg omg. and this child is basically trapped here in this environment with these two people. this explains a SHITLOAD about Hawks’s personality though you guys. his ability to completely separate his real thoughts from the face he presents to the outside world. his pragmatic approach to analyzing and solving problems. his layers of emotional walls. turns out almost none of that came from the HPSC training -- that was all learned hands-on in his own personal do-or-die survival nightmare childhood!! oh, boy

and small wonder then that he latched on to Endeavor so strongly if he really is the one who brought down his dad and inadvertently saved him from this. also, just putting this out there, I know people are always talking about him and Dabi being foils, and I think it’s very interesting how Touya grew up in a household where he saw firsthand the dark side of hero society, and so ended up becoming a villain in order to bring it down. whereas young Keigo had almost the exact opposite experience, growing up experiencing the dark side of villain society and becoming a hero in order to bring about a world where no one else has to experience that. just. both of them are so determined not to become their fathers. some interesting parallels there

so Hawks was sort of an accident after his parents had “thanks for helping me not get caught after I killed that guy” sex, and now this little boy is growing up in squalor and being beaten by his father for things like Sitting In The Wrong Out-Of-The-Way Corner Trying Not To Be A Bother To Anybody. holy fuck. this is so rough to read through you guys

wait so does Jerk Dad have a an eyeball manipulation quirk?? because he doesn’t have the wings like his son, but wth are these things??

this presumably also means that Keigo has never been to school or anything either. he basically doesn’t exist. he thinks heroes are fictional characters, he doesn’t realize that they’re real people. these are people who could help him if he could escape and find them, but he doesn’t know, and they don’t know about him

OH MY GOD HE’S JUST SITTING IN HIS CORNER HUGGLING HIS ENDEAVOR PLUSH OH MY GOD

how could this child possibly have an anti-fandom when he’s done NOTHING WRONG HIS ENTIRE LIFE. huh. just explain that to me. lol I mean I’m not looking to pick a fight with anyone, but also, MAYBE I AM, idk?? this kid has gotten me all riled up lmao

anyways, Protect Keigo 2021, and thank you Horikoshi for these three very terrible pages. I am pleased to inform you that you’ve effectively gotten your point across and you may now commence saving this kid already

YAY

oh no, Keigo’s dumbass jerk dad tried to steal a car and the popo nabbed his ass and now his mom can’t just sit around neglecting her VERY YOUNG SON all day long, oh horrors. sorry lady my tiny violin is on backorder. just imagine that I’m playing a very sarcastic song on it for you

anyway so what are you gonna do now, abandon him? I can hardly imagine he’d be worse off, if anything it might be a near-instant improvement

LMAO HE’S ALL “WAIT WHAT ENDEAVOR’S A REAL FUCKING DUDE?!”

AND THEY SAY THAT A HERO CAN SAVE US~~~~ I’M NOT GONNA STAND HERE AND WAAAAAIT~~~~~ I’LL HOLD ONTO THE WINGS OF THE EAGLES, WATCH AS WE ALL FLY AWAAAAAAY~~~~

lol what a randomly pivotal moment in his young life. TIME TO GO MAKE THESE MEMES INTO DREAMS YOUNG ONE

anyway so his mom freaked out and grabbed him and they wound up at a train station with her TELLING HIM TO GO GET HER SOME MONEY, oh my god. SURE MOM LEMME JUST WALTZ RIGHT ON DOWN TO THE “JOBS FOR FIVE-YEAR-OLDS” STORE AND TELL THEM I NEED SOME CASH. ffff manifesting someone to come help him in 3... 2...

...

SIGH, JUST GO RESCUE THE PEOPLE FROM THE BUS, KEIGO. is this the outfit he was wearing when that happened?? it must be, right?? I can’t imagine them surviving more than a couple days out here unless this starts getting REALLY dark in a way I know that even Horikoshi won’t explore, so yeah. cut to the HPSC now please. never thought we’d be glad to see them. I mean sure, it may be an “out of the frying pan...” case, but good god

THANK YOU!!

and I guess it was his mom’s eyeball quirk then. anyway, whatever, see you again never, hopefully. lol oh man. thaaaat, was upsetting. need to center myself here for a sec. NAMASTE

OH YAY THE PRESENT

so we cut from Baby Hawks Angst straight to Present Day Hawks Angst, huh. not that this exhausted and traumatized lil lad isn’t still a baby to me too, I’ll have you know

BEST JEANIST, ALWAYS WITH THE JOKES

“WHEW, THOUGHT YOU DIED ON ME FOR A SEC THERE KID.” lmao. Caleb will no doubt ruin this by making his word choice all stiffly formal as usual, so I’m just going to treasure this “WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT, I’M FRESH OUT OF FUCKS” version of Jeanist while I can

look at him, driving his Jeanistmobile

again, is it any wonder Kacchan was bitching about Endeavor’s dinky little car when he was used to riding around town in style like this. anyone else staring at this panel trying to figure out how this car is somehow secretly made of jeans

NOOOOO

FUCK YOU DABI LMAO. PUTTING THESE VOICE ACTORS OUT OF A JOB ONE BY ONE

anyway so Jeanist is all “GOOD THING IT’S THE FUTURE AND WE’RE SO GOOD AT MEDICAL SCIENCE” to handwave how Hawks went from one step shy of being a very handsome corpse, to sitting around texting Jeanist in a car all of two days later

OH MY GOD, AND FINALLY AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS

wait a minute. I’m so confused lmfao. soooo, was Hawks all “anyway, here’s Jeanist’s dead body, you can examine it but please don’t look at him too closely and also I’m gonna need that back unharmed.” how tf did you pull that off lmao

(ETA: also isn’t this technically confirmation of the ol’ Noumu Jeanist theory lol. I’m gonna go ahead and say it is.)

NO BUT PLEASE, CONTINUE. I unironically love reading Horikoshi’s overly convoluted “SEE IT’S NOT A PLOT HOLE” explanations

lkldslfk so wait, you’re telling me Hawks convinced Dabi and the League to put Jeanist’s body in storage, and basically just hoped they wouldn’t use him for any experiments until he could put his plan into action and have the HPSC’s people break in and find and revive him?? WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG. A FOOLPROOF PLAN IF I’VE EVER HEARD ONE

fff this man really asked Jeanist to risk it all to prop up his little cover story, and Jeanist was all “sure why not” omfg. anyways, thanks for recapping all of this out loud for no particular reason in your car conversation you two

LMAO NOW WHAT

TROUBLE YOU SAY? GOOD THING THE NEW NUMBER ONE HERO IS ON THE JOB THEN

okay no it’s just some random thugs strolling around terrorizing the downtown. fuck ‘em. so Jeanist is making short work of them now

uh oh

won’t come? not can’t, but won’t?? what???

WOW

well I guess that makes the local heroes A BUNCH OF SHITHEADS now doesn’t it?? jesus

and okay, serious question, if the cops are spread too thin and the heroes have literally walked out on the job, what exactly is stopping everyone from deciding to use their quirks to defend themselves, legal or not? nothing, as far as I can tell. society just got a hell of a lot more chaotic

anyway so this is an interesting panel here

man, Dabi really did pull it off, didn’t he. well anyway so here’s that better world all of the villains were wanting, you guys! isn’t it so great?? everyone’s terrified and angry and losing hope and society is inches away from collapsing into total anarchy! but hey, at least we exposed the number one hero as a hypocrite

anyway so what are these guys up to

fucking hell, he’s visiting his mom. I really wasn’t prepared to commit this much emotional energy towards reading this chapter today. BUT VERY WELL, WE PRESS ON

?? wait she’s not there?

is this supposed to explain how Dabi knew who Hawks really was? except that there’s the little matter of how he even know where to find his mother in the first place. feels like we’re still missing something there, but oh well

OH MY GOD

RHA I TAKE BACK EVERY WORD I EVER SPOKE AGAINST YOU. YOU ARE A SCANLATION GROUP FILLED WITH ANGELS LMAO. I WILL TAKE THIS PANEL IN MY HANDS, AND TREASURE IT AND KEEP IT SAFE

ANYWAY, BECAUSE MY TIRED BIRD SON’S LIFE SUCKED SO MUCH ALREADY, IT TURNS OUT HE’S ACTUALLY PLEASED WITH THIS NEW TURN OF EVENTS LOL HOW ABOUT THAT

GOOD FOR YOU BBY. YOU GO OUT THERE AND BE YOUR OWN PERSON

and in all seriousness, I love that identity he chooses -- chooses, because it actually is him making a choice now, possibly for the very first time in his life -- is “guy who helps people”, though. it really is nothing short of miraculous that he held on to that kind of optimism and desire to do good even with everything he’s been through. there were so many times he could have chosen to turn his back on the world in retaliation for the way it treated him. but he didn’t!! and here he is now, finally free, and what he wants to do with the rest of his life now is simply to help others. anyway please excuse me for a moment, I need to go find some sort of basket or a big vase to put all of my fresh new Hawks Feels in, pardonne-moi

YEAH BOIIIIII

“FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS, MISTER JEANIST, WHERE DID YOU FIND YOUSELF THAT SWEETASS CAR.” hey, all I’m saying is if this boy’s wings really aren’t growing back, he’s gonna need to find himself a new means of transportation y’know?

oh my god you guys it’s a flashback to his mom buying him the Endeavor plushie when he was like two because, and I quote, ALL MIGHT WAS TOO EXPENSIVE

oh my god oh my god. my boy out here with a new lease on life finding hope in the darkest of times

wasn’t your throat supposed to be all fucked up lmao. Horikoshi was suddenly all “oh shit the VAs are gonna be pissed at me if I keep this up huh”

“that’s why Bubaigawara was such a great guy” motherfucker IT IS A TERRIBLE DAY FOR RAIN. FORECAST SAID NOTHING ABOUT THIS

:’)

yes ma’am. yes indeed. confirmed, I really will straight up fight some motherfuckers for this child. well not really, but YOU KEEP YOUR DISCOURSE OFF MY LAWN AND OUT OF MY BLOG YOU HEAR. THIS IS A HAWKS-FRIENDLY SPACE. WE RESPECT TAKAMI KEIGO IN THESE STREETS

and he’s saying (or is he thinking?? what a weirdly shaped speech bubble this is) that even if what Dabi said about the Todoroki household is true, “I’m not sure it’s the same now.” which happens to be ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. man this whole chapter really is all about saying “fuck the past” and moving forward and I am living for it

SON!!!!

“the first step is at my beginning” fklkjlk. what an iconic fucking line??

AND HIS WINGS!!!! THEY ACTUALLY ARE GROWING BACK AHHHHHHH. “PUT A RAINCHECK ON THAT CAR, JEANIST-SAN.” THE HAWKSMOBILE CAN WAIT, RIGHT NOW HE HAS TO GO INSERT HIMSELF BACK INTO THE TODODRAMA WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT

you guys. I came here ready for some BAKUDEKU HOSPITAL ANGST, and I got DIDDLY SHIT of that, and none of my other kids were even in this chapter, but!!! ASK ME IF I CARE LMAO omg. because bird son is hanging with his new best friend, and he’s out here Finding Himself and picking up the pieces and putting them back together stronger than ever because RESILIENCE HAS A NAME, AND IT’S SPELLED H-A-W-K-S, and you guys. profound, my love for this child. holy shit. hey google, play Silence by Marshmello

#bnha 299 #takami keigo #hawks (bnha)#best jeanist #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #I found peace in your violence #can't tell me there's no point in trying #I'm at one #and I've been quiet for too long

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