#I am NOT okay!!!!! I am not fucking ok. I will cry and snot right now I am SERIOUS

[theood]

Headache from what one can assume is not letting myself cry. I already feel a gaping hole in my heart. He should still be here with me.

I think... I think walking into my room will really do it. I got so used to him being there, to see him smile at me when I walked in. My room is going to feel so...lifeless.

I thought the 2 weeks was going slow. But it really feels like just yesterday we picked him up. I don't know how I'm going to make it till next we can meet again.

I just wanna stay with him forever, is that too much to ask?

#elias howls #I am NOT okay!!!!! I am not fucking ok. I will cry and snot right now I am SERIOUS #Beverly god I already miss you so much is time going to make see you latera easier? or harder? #I want you to hold my hand and squeeze it; three times means I love you. Don't you know? I can teach you. Hold mine tight okay? #I want to share my bed again and whine when you go to leave. Can't we stay like that for 5 more minutes? Just 5 more I promise...okay? I #won't fall back asleep to keep you close to me. #full on sobbing um. fuck!!!! I did better leaving your state god. babe we have to live together soon ok? promsie me that? #god how am I gonna sleep tonight? god. I don't know. I don't know. I don't. Hold me again soon please

[candywife333]

Seven Different Sheets

Here is the THIRD part of the JK-Seven Drabble series. These drabbles can be read out of order as stand alones but make more sense when read in order.

This is part of an entire Drabble series based on his recent music release. It is rather mortifying how many fics I came up with just in relation to his new song. I had to exorcise the demons out of my head that were inspired by the explicit version. Hope you guys enjoy!

Disclaimer: As usual, everything in  the fic is fictional, and the behavior displayed by the character in the fic is obviously not representative of the real Jungkook.

WARNING: THIS PART OF THE DRABBLE HAS SOME DUBCON IN IT, SO BEWARE AND PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THESE THEMES.

I ran downstairs in my robe to try to stop this ridiculous behavior of his. He couldn't yell like that right in front of my dorm and ruin my damn reputation. Not today. 

Of course when you're wincing from receiving the pounding of your fucking life, it was more like dragging yourself across the floor to the elevator, rather than running down the stairs. I flung open the entrance door of my for building and told the security it was all okay, he was my visitor-unfortunately.

“Jungkook, what the hell are you doing over here? Can you please not leave me alone? Give me some space after what went down last night. And why are you yelling to the world that I am your wife. I don’t see any goddamn ring on my finger. So don’t go around yelling things like that. What we had was a one time thing. We are not repeating that again, so please go away and find someone else”. 

As I said my piece and turned around to go back into the dorm building, he weaseled past me into the building as well. I stared at him, seething with disbelief and latent anger, “WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO RIGHT NOW? Did you seriously just trespass into my dorm building that I never gave you permission to enter?” 

Before I could get further into reprimanding his stupid ass, he got down on both his knees and wrapped his arms around my legs looking like a pitiful disheveled waif from Oliver Twist. “I am so sorry Y/N, my queen, my goddess. Please forgive me. I did not consider that you would need a break. That you need aftercare and time to recuperate. Jimin made me understand how inconsiderate and disgusting I was being to you. Please let me redeem myself. You don’t even have to love me or like me. It’s ok. Please just let me be by your side. That is all I want.”

I glared at him, scrutinizing his intentions, “What do you mean by this behavior. Yesterday you were just telling me you needed to get off and that’s it. So you want a whole ass relationship now? Look, I appreciate your apology but we are not on speaking terms anymore. I was irresponsible last night and so were you. We can just forget about this whole fiasco and move on with our lives. I’m hoping you don’t have any STIs though. That would be unpleasant”. 

As I moved to unwrap his hands which were clasped around my legs, I felt my thin robe dampening as he cried into my robe sash. He sobbed so hard, that I wondered how this guy didn't get dehydrated from all the sex and crying constantly. He seemed to have some type of mental problem. He probably needed help. 

I had to de-escelate this situation though, because everybody around me would be convinced I was some type of evil villain breaking his heart when in fact his dumb ass had compromised my morals last night.

I awkwardly stroked Jungkook’s ruffled hair, as a mother would a child, “Look Jungkook, why don’t we talk about this in my dorm room. I live alone in a suite room so we can talk for a while. You seem to be going through something.” He sniffled, wiping tears and snot away from his face as he trudged behind me into the lift. I winced as I stepped into the lift. 

He stared at me in awe following behind me barely leaving any personal space. I could feel his breath on my neck as he asked in a quiet tone, “You seem to be hurt. Is it down there? Oh my god, I must’ve torn you down there haven’t I. I don’t deserve you, you are too good for me. You are a goddess and I have ruined you. What have I done?!!” He started slapping himself, and not normally. With his strength, man was trying to cleanly bowl his head off his body. 

I yelled at him, “The fuck are you? Dobby? Calm the hell down Jungkook. Stop constantly apologizing and castigating yourself”. I removed his hands away from his face. “Yes you made a mistake. We are all humans, we all make mistakes. But we have to learn from them. I already told you, last night and this morning were partly my fault as well. I was too weak in my convictions. I shouldn’t have had sex with you. But, you trying to emotionally black mail me is not a very good trait either.” His face shriveled in misery as he looked pale, dehydrated, and his eyes held a lot of guilt. 

We finally arrived at my dorm room. I unlocked it and ushered him into the room. “You can take a seat here on the sofa. I will be right back, I need to get dressed and then head to the doctor’s to get tested.” I stepped into my room to get dressed in a loose dress that I could just pull up incase they had to examine me. I felt better. There were no evident tears or any micro-abrasions as far as I could tell, but it was better to just get it checked in case.

As I took off my robe to put on my dress, I could feel a set of eyes burning into me. I turned around to see Jungkook staring at me with mouth and eyes wide open in what looked like, adoration? His eyes were shimmering in the yellow light and saliva was dribbling down the angle of his mouth. The hell was he doing here like a zombie all over again. Albeit, a cute zombie. 

“Y/N  can I help you at all? Do you want me to check down there and see if everything is ok? I can help you relieve some of the pain if you would like?” I stared at him confused by what type of help he wanted to offer. “What do you intend to do?” 

He looked at me intently, with anticipation, “I can put some ice cubes in my mouth and lick you down. That would help you right? The coldness of my tongue would help. All I need to do is change your sheets once I’m done. We will probably need several towels just in case you squirt as well.” As I became red, mortified at his statement, he reassured me with his hands stroking my cheeks, “I love that part the best, especially when you squirt right into my mouth”.

This man was going to be the death of me. 

#jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #bts smut #jungkook x y/n #angst #jungkook seven #smut #curvy reader #bts x curvy reader #jungkook x curvy reader #jungkook x plus size reader #jungkook #bodyworship #JK SEVEN #seven jungkook #dubcon

[itsyagurlchip]

can I get a goofy reader insert w/ gregory as the older sibling

٠ ˚ ※ ๋࣭ ᯓ⚝ ⋆ .˚✰Radically Chaotic!٠ ˚ ※ ๋࣭ ᯓ⚝ ⋆.˚✰

✰⋆⁺warning: Gregory(!) crack(!) a lil older sibling angst(!)

✰⋆⁺ i know who you are *insert gay dog*naw but fr- I apologize that it took so long for this to come out :(( and ur not online as much, BUT I LOVE U SM ❤️🫵🏾I know it was supposed to be goofy- but i had to get some tears in(I knew it was u bc ur the only one who uses goofy like that @thealphagirl)

✰⋆⁺ You are a 14 year old older sibling. Life just couldn't get harder for you!!!-? Wait- WHY DOES HIS TRACKER SAY THE PIZZA PLEX?

"DUDE! WHY THE HELL DID YOU THINK IT WAS OK TO BE HERE???" I harshly whispered, my breath heaving in the tight hiding spot we were in.

"I DONT KNOW!? I JUST WANTED TO SEE SOME COOL STUFF" Gregory responded, trying to use that damn Journey Kidz ass watch. I don't even know where that came from, Mom hasn't bought anything like that in months.

"AH YES, BECAUSE THE COOLEST THING IN THE WORLD IS GETTING CHASED BY A GROWN AS WOMAN WHO LOOKS LIKE SHE NEEDS 3 YEARS OF SLEEP!" I sarcastically retorted as my voice raised a pitch. We were so in trouble, it's bad enough that I got my tablet away. Now the door is up for grabs.

"THAT 'WOMAN' WILL GET US IF YOU DONT SHUT UP"

"MAKE ME, YOU LIL-" His hand slapped against my mouth just as aggressive stomping flooded both of our ears. My heart dropped to my ass. Forget the door! I won't even have a bedroom to myself if we go to jail!

This is a big ass place, no telling how much it costs. Trespassing gets sued for, and knowing Gregory, he probably broke some expensive-!

oh no...

"Gregory?..." I slowly turned to him, "How much have you broken?"

I'm pretty sure I could hear that loudass daycare music (despite us being closer to the front) from how quiet it became.

*sigh* "We need to get out of here so no one can recognize our faces- I am NOT gonna do community service for your dumbass decisions." I hissed out as I slightly gripped my hair. I had to take another long exhale at the absurdity of the situation, my eyes couldn't even stay open as I did so. The buffoonery, the stress, the-

I hear sniffling from my right and I quickly spun around just in time to see my little brother put on a tough face, not before he angrily wiped away some tears with the bittest of snot from his nose.

I sigh once more, with my eyes tearing up as well. I pull him close into a hug, his head leaning close to my chest. I wonder if he can hear how hard my hard is beating...

"Look buddy... Sorry if I sounded so harsh- or if I worded something wrong". A tear fell from my eye. "I just wish you had told me where you were- or, or...I just wanted you to be okay. I'm older than you, I have to protect you." I looked into Gregory's eyes as I wiped some of the tear tracks away.

"Not only that, and I had to admit it but- you're my number one best friend. I don't want to know what it's like to lose you." My voice cracked a I continued on. I held Gg tight, hoping that we weren't crying too loud.

...

Well that was a shit show! You know, crying isn't as bad as it seems to be. Because I would rather be ANYWHERE ELSE than here right now!

You know, at home, in a nice warmish bed. A non hostile environment. No Self aware machines. Especially ones that chase you, AROUND A FUCKING MALL!!

Me and Gregory were booking it- A raccoon-looking animatronic was chasing us.

'What she needed to chase was a color scheme' I thought to myself. 'And maybe a whole new maw- that shit looks like those furry masks on yt shorts.

Turns out, the only robot that wasn't trying to maul our faces off is good ole Freddicson Fazbearington. But, as if the universe is our 3rd grade enemy, Freddy runs like a goddamn iphone battery.

I could only hope that we made it our here, no fees, no community service, or even trouble on our hands. I couldn't even hop for that- the damn things were trying to kill us!

If wishing wasnt doing anything, me and my little brother will. We'll make it home safe, no scratches, no suspicion. Nothing will be damaged, no one will be harmed.

But the security was breached, leaving a radically chaotic fire in its wake by the start of the morning.

(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و tags: @kittykittyanon @radicallxser @oleander-nin @towomatos @thealphagirl @ziipzeepzop-eez @amorvincitomnia-14 @spongejuice . if you would like to be added, check my blog.

#yagurlchip❤️ #yagurl writes #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf sb #five nights at freddy's security breach #security breach #gregory x reader #sibling reader #everything is strictly familial #angst #crack #older sibling #older sibling syndrome

[jicklet]

Nancy Drew 4.03: The Danger of the Hopeful Sigil

- BIRDIE IS HERE

- oh girls what Are you doing. Oh dear.

- HEADS TURNING 180° DON'T LIKE THAT

- Nace nerds doing love science! Aw yeah.

- HIGH SCHOOL Ace noticed Nancy in high school, aww

- senior to sophomore gap, eh

- ok I was a little sad Ace cut his hair but it does look good. Really, everyone's hair this season is just, peak.

- OH DAMN CARSON OKAY, GET IT

- "You never really talk about Kate" "we just did! :)" dkskdjd tell me you're Nancy's dad without telling me

- hahaha yeah why would anyone intentionally get the demon out of the doll

- NANTIGEN it's okay Bess I thought you were funny

- I really love the colors of the drapes in the historical society btw. That is the prettiest teal and it makes the lighting so nice

- protection only lasts 24 hours... Hmm I suspect, the curse won't break but they'll get a shot for 24 hours? That kinda feels like the hallucination all over again though so maybe not.

- George looks so good, I can't get over her. Mwah.

- okay this kid is a little snot, leave Jesse and Birdie alone. God I do not miss high school.

- don't touch the box (I know they touch the box but) noooo don't touch that stop oh girls I am so stressed.

- oh Nick is so good 🥰 oh they noticed.

- "You still nervous?" "Yep. Are y—" "Yep." lmao Ace just wanted to say it.

- oh boy so the girls are also possessed right D:

- OH I FUCKING KNEW IT :DDD I've been team "Ace isn't oblivious to the way he feels he's just more practiced at shoving it down" A WINNER IS ME.

- Always kinda weird how ripped he is XD;;

- Nancy: "nobody loves blaming themselves more than I do, but we have minutes!!" we love some self awareness and practicality XDD

- Carson it really hasn't even been a year oh my god the timeline on this show is ridiculous. same with Birdie aging years in months. Whatever, we go with it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

- Jesse listens to Nick 😭

- ok things are going wayyy too well. What's happening.

- I really like Ace's shoes btw? He sparks mild gender envy for me

- christ this is like a wedding

- oh god damn they WENT for it on that kiss. 👀

- ;-; it being their first kiss for Ace

- FUCKING. TEMPERANCE. Godddd the damn moths of mockery

- Carson stop making me cry 😭

- ahh so Nick's social media popularity is part of his storyline. Curious.

- oh George ;___; oh Nick ;___; my babies keep hurting me.

- Remember parents, if you don't talk to your kids about safe rituals they'll only do unsafe ones :))

- yoo are Jesse and Birdie becoming part of Bess's women in white

- Carsonnnn what did I say ;____; okay no this is good though. Process, man! ♥

- Somehow through the misery and frustration my brain registers "oh they finally gave Alex a chance to cry"

- Summary: EVERYONE IS SO SAD oh my god

#Nancy drew spoilers #V watches Nancy Drew

[finelinevogue]

could you write something about the readers parents not liking her and harry comforts her please

ok this is going to be quite sad and angsty so hold on tight!

Y/N was crying in her room. Again.

This was turning out to be a daily occurrence now. Wake up. Get shouted at. Go to school. Learn how to dissect a frog and master how to write the perfect essay. Come home. Get shouted at. Sleep. The weekends, she didn’t get all the good in-between stuff, it was just waking up to be shouted at.

For what? Well not even Y/N could answer that.

Her parents had despised her since the day she was born, or at least Y/N presumed. She was never allowed to go out without permission from her parents. She was not allowed to eat certain foods, because “she didn’t need to be any fatter”. She wasn’t supposed to wear anything inappropriate. She wasn’t allowed relationships. Although that last one, she cheated on.

Harry had been Y/Ns best friend all through high-school, until they reached college and Harry couldn’t wait any longer to make her officially his. He wanted her so badly. She was his best friend but he craved for more. It took Y/N a lot of persuading, but it was the best thing she’d ever done for herself. Harry was kind to her. He treated her with respect and love - something she’d never had from her parents.

Having a relationship whilst being instructed you weren’t allowed one, made things very difficult. Harry could only see Y/N when she allowed him to. After finishing chores she would tell her parents she was going to grab food or cleaning supplies from the grocery store, only to go and spend a few hours with Harry in his treehouse. She would always come back with a bag full of shopping and made sure she covered the hickeys on her neck well. It would be hard to explain their origin of those marks to her parents.

“Y/N!”

Her mum had never provided her with a nickname, only ever calling her by her proper name. Harry gave her nicknames and pet names galore; baby, honey, sweetheart, lovie, darling and petal to name but a few.

You had learnt that shouting back was “never okay” so you left your bedroom and walked down the stairs to find your mum, who’d just shouted for you.

“Yes mum?” You timidly asked, standing at the door with your fingers fiddling with each other.

Your mum turned and scoffed at the sight of you. “Oh Jesus Y/N! You look horrible. That dress is disgusting.” It just so happened to be your favourite dress - a simple, long - as necessary - white dress with pretty flowers embroidered in baby pink and blue across the skirt. It made you feel like a weightless princess. “Don’t you agree?” Your mum asked your dad.

“Oh yes. Too much fat showing.” Your dad lovingly commented back.

You looked down at yourself, thinking that maybe it was showing a bit too much skin and therefore showing off your fat. Harry always told you that you were completely beautiful - an angel - but it was hard to believe on days like this. You crossed your arms over your chest in discomfort. Speaking back would only make things worse, so you took the verbal abuse as it came.

“Now,” your mum sat up a bit more, “i’m finding it really hard to look at you right now, Y/N, because i’m hurt by you.” Tears, fake of course, were forming in her eyes.

“W-why?”

“Mrs Tucker said she saw you and a young boy kissing outside the grocery store the other night - the same night you said you were going to pick up cleaning supplies.” Your heart dropped to your feet, because it was true. You had been with Harry. You’d never thought about anyone catching you, mainly because you thought no one cared about you enough. Mrs Tucker does like a good gossip though, dammit.

“A boy Y/N!” Your dad shouted in reiteration, making you flinch to the noise.

“Now I told Mrs Tucker that was being silly. That lady will do anything for a natter.” You stilled, thinking you were off the hook, but you should ‘t have been so quick to let your guard down. “Until your dad and I followed you to the grocery store the next night, although we never reached the store did we Y/N? No we were outside a house instead.”

Oh no. You are so dead.

“A boys house, Y/N? You weren’t raised to be a whore.” Your dad spat at you, turning away from you as if the sight of you was disgusting.

“God knows who he is or what you’re doing with him, but it stops. Right now, today.” Your mum gritted through her teeth, obviously trying to keep her calm.

“But—”

“No!” You mum screamed. “I will not be seen as the mother of a daughter who sleeps with random boys, instead of studying and working hard for her family!”

This was so 1800s. This was your life.

You had actual tears forming in your eyes now, unlike those your mum bared. It was so silly that this was making you cry but you were so upset that they thought they could control your life this way. It was devastating.

“I-I.. I love him though.” You choked out between tiny sobs, “I love him.” You whispered - that having been the first time you’d told someone else other than Harry. It actually felt good. Relieving. To declare your love for Harry made the world feel possible.

“Love? You no nothing about love.” You dad rolled his eyes and you couldn’t help but laugh at his words.

“The only reason I don’t know about love is because I never got it from either of you.” You started to fight back. This was a battle you were determined to win. No more hiding behind a timid figure. You were willing to stand up for yourself - no one else was going to.

“Because there’s nothing to love about you!”

You didn’t recall who this came from, all you remember is your heart dropping below the floor and fleeing from the room. Fleeing from the house. Fleeing from a family who didn’t see you as anything but a human being. You weren’t a daughter to them. You were nothing. Your heart called elsewhere. It yearned for the person closest to you.

It wasn’t until you were met with Harry’s front door that you realised where you were and what had happened.

“Oh Y/N! Hi lov—” Anne greeted you, until she saw that you were crying heavily and your chest was rising rapidly. “Harry!” She shouted into the house, leaving you a brief moment to collapse onto the floor in front of you. You didn’t care for the pain that ran through your knees from the impact - only the pain in your heart from the break it had just suffered.

“Woah angel, hey, hey.” Harry was by your side within seconds, completely incasing his body around you. Your head laid buried against his warm chest and his arms hugged you close to him like never before. His smell was one of home. He encompassed you and made you feel safe and loved. You weren’t alone.

“I-i’m unloveable.”

“But I love you.” Harry whispered against your hair, warm air softly kissing your skin.

“Yes, but—”

“No, “but”. I love you, Y/N L/N, I really fucking do. You’re my other half, baby.” He kissed your forehead a few times, knowing that’s your second favourite place to be kissed. “Your parents don’t deserve you, they really don’t. They’re cruel and cold-hearted, but that doesn’t mean I am. I think you’re beautiful, clever and kind. I think you’re everything i could ever want. And I know that you can’t be unloveable, because i’m, so deeply, in love with you.”

Harry continued to rock you, as your cried into his chest. You’d never believed in yourself before meeting him and you never thought that he could be so genuine towards you. He couldn’t care less what your parents think, as long as he helped remind you that you’re none of what they think of you. You’re so much better than mindless words. You make you you, not your parents. Harry’s helped you discover who you are and who you want to be. Even though your miles from becoming who you want to be, and you have your setbacks, you’re proud of how far you’ve come.

You cried against his chest, until the pain softened and your could regain your breath again. You unburied yourself from his hold and looked up to him with love in your eyes.

“There’s my beautiful girl, looking like a princess in you pretty dress.” He smiled down at you, even though you knew you had puffy eyes, red cheeks and a snotty nose. He loved you and all your perfect imperfections.

“Thank you, H.” You said with a wobble to your lips, really meaning your words.

“I know, baby.”

“I really do love you too.” You made sure he knew. His heart fluttered a little faster over your words. He leaned down to kiss you gently, minding all the salty water and grimy snot that laid on your face. His kiss sent butterflies swarming through your stomach and a new type of red appeared on your cheeks.

“Waffles anyone?” Anne asked as she stood at the door, the smells of sweet honey and cream only hitting you now. It was that moment that you realised your heart had never belonged with your parents, your heart belonged here, with Harry. Forever and always.

#harry oneshot #harry blurb #harry styles imagines #harry styles concept #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles #harry styles angst #harry styles sad #finelinevogue harry styles #finelinevogue

[leviiattacks]

I loved Ceo Levi so can I request Ceo Levi comforting the reader because she’s in financial trouble? Idk the plot it’s up to you but that sort of idea. I hope it’s not too much of a bother!! Also happy birthday ❤️

author note :: very rushed and not that great at all but i hope it’s enjoyable anon !! also thank u for the birthday wish <333 if you’d like for me to idk expand on this request you can always request again my ask box is open !! <33333 word count :: 1.5k

levi’s worried about you

like super worried

ultra worried

mega, super, ultra worried?????

all the synonyms for large aren’t enough to explain how distracted he is whilst he stares at you from across the table.

the entire team meeting today you’ve sat down with a glazed expression, you’re clearly out of it and don’t want to be present

on a few occasions he notices you gnaw at your lips anxiously and your eyes shift everywhere showing you’re clearly uncomfortable

team meetings are normally two hours long on a monday to discuss production plans extensively but levi can’t even make it to the thirty minute mark before he’s dismissing everyone

“we’re ending early i don’t feel well.”

mr ackerman letting the team leave early again... it’s the second time he’s done it now but HEY, the employees have no complaints!!

levi knows something’s bothering you when you don’t move an inch from your seat

you probably haven’t even heard what he said about leaving because you’re so zoned out

now,,,,levi’s never really been big on physical contact and he’s not great at comforting or using words either but he still double checks the door is locked so he can speak to you privately

you start sobbing as soon as the sound of the door clicks

“y/n, what’s wrong?” he’s cautious in his approach but places a hand on top of yours gently to test the waters

but you only start crying even more ?!?,!,

which panics him because oh my god what did he do...???,?.

did he do something wrong???

you know what, he’s just going to copy what people do in the movies and hope it goes well

your sobs echo through the room and he thanks himself that the cement walls are definitely thick enough for you to not be heard by your colleagues

slowly but gradually you get a grip and it almost looks like you have to force yourself to a halt midway just to wipe the tears at your eyes

it’s at times like these that levi thanks you for having an expressive face because he would hate to not notice you felt this horrible

“i suggest you carry on if you haven’t got it all out yet. from personal experience it’s better when someone sits with you.”

levi’s warm words embrace you and you look at his arms then his heat pressed suit. he’s in a completely different world compared to you and a feeling of sickness soon overpowers the warm feeling in your chest

why are you sitting here and crying like a pathetic fool in front of your boss??

ok, maybe he’s a little more personal than a boss you aren’t sure what he really is but that doesn’t matter

“y/n, i have something to say.”

FUCK. this is it. you’ll be fired for being unprofessional and improper. this is IT. the end of your professional career.

you want to run out of this room at full speed and hurl yourself out of one of the windows never to be seen again...

but,, you won’t do that, that’s embarrassing

instead you steel yourself and look at him with as much courage as you can muster (which to be clear is not very much)

“if you ever need to take a day off for mental health reasons you’ve always been allowed to so please feel free to take the rest of the day off if you’d like.”

he’s... not firing you?

“but before that, would you like to let me know what’s happened? can i maybe help?”

you purse your lips feeling the premature humiliation

he can help, anyone with as much money as him can but you don’t want him to aid you. the guilt would eat you away

but you do want to confide in him and tell him what’s wrong

you want to tell someone about it at least

“i’ve been evicted from my apartment” your voice is barely above a whisper and levi just looks at you mouth agape

he pays you enough to live comfortably

how could you be getting evicted?

“i have to pay for my mother’s medical expenses so it’s stressful i send most of my earnings hom-”

levi shushes you with his input. “i’ll pay off the debt so you don’t be evicted and i’ll also give you a pay rise.”

at that you’re just pure shocked

is he even thinking right now???

because this isn’t the strong willed strategic business man you know

“no??? i can’t leech off of you??”

“you’re not leeching. i am investing in you.”

you’re a little lost now but choose to hear him out

“you work for me already and i greatly value your work. now you’re in a tough position. correct?”

you nod your head in response

“and for you to still work for me you’ll need a home. correct?”

again you nod

“so allow me to pay off the debts. it’s for both of our benefit.”

that however really isn’t levi’s reasoning at all. he couldn’t care less about that, he just doesn’t want to see you shoulder the pain and stress of it all alone

staring at him teary eyed you sniffle

“would you-” your voice cracks and you cough “really???”

you look so desperate and vulnerable and levi feels frustrated for not spotting the warning signs of your struggle any sooner

you had been coming to the office looking more restless, you had been drinking more coffee and despite the excessive caffeine consumption he still caught you dozing off at your desk at least four times

he places a hand on the centre of your back and pats you three times as if you’re members on the same ship

“yes i mean it, take it easy.”

his simple sentence is enough to cause all of your rational thinking to jump away and you drag him in by the neck into a tight hug

you’re ugly crying and you know you’ll look back on this in embarrassment but your mind works on impulse, you’re unable to stop it

usually levi doesn’t like anyone messing up his suits but he can make an exception for you. he’s sure your tears have left a moist patch but he’s not mad. hell, even if you get snot on his expensive dress shirt he’ll be okay with it

“is there any way i can pay you back mr ackerman?”

he winces at the formality of your tone

“call me levi.”

your brows raise at the request

“that’s what i want in return. for you to call me levi.”

????

that’s all???

“oh, well thank you levi. i’m grateful...”

his name rolls off your tongue awkwardly the first few times and even he regrets asking you to call him by his first name

but three days later you’re walking in breezily. a pen is tucked behind your ear and you’re double checking levi’s spending sheet with a calculator in your hands.

levi literally STOPS breathing because you look so refreshed today and the colour is back on your face. you look your best when you’re stress free.

and then you say it

“levi, do you think you could spend a bit less on tea bags because OH MY LORD???”

he notices there’s no longer an air of discomfort to his name and his chest swells happily

“y/n, give me ONE good reason to not spend my money that way??”

you notice how he easily he says your first name with an airy chuckle and you could almost... ALMOST... swear the two of you are flirting

to anyone observing with no sound he looks as nonchalant as normal but really the tone of his voice is implying the suggestive nature of conversation

“maybe you should spend your money on other things you like?” your suggestion is thrown back in your face when levi scoffs choking back a laugh

“i already am spending my money on other interests of mine.”

turning to face him and to hand him a file of paperwork you look him right in the eyes

“and what interests would those be?”

levi’s gaze meander down to your lips before shooting back up to your eyes and you swear you feel a tingle in the pit of your stomach

“i’ll let you figure that out on your own. you’re smart enough.”

you’re gaping at that reply because how are you meant to know???

but, the answer to your question is far more obvious than you think.

and it’s only after work whilst you’re eating dinner that you’re able to connect the dots

he was, talking about...you??

gasping you flush bright pink and bury your face into one of your sofa’s pillows

no way, there’s no way that happened

oh no, but there really is a way

and that way is levi ackerman ;-)

#levi #levi ackerman #aot #snk #levi x reader #levi x y/n #attack on titan levi #attack on titan #levi fluff #levi attack on titan #leviiattacks #modern levi #ceo levi #levi scenario #levi headcanons #levi fanfiction #aot fanfiction #aot headcanons #attack on titan x reader #levi drabbles #HOPE U LIKED IT ANON MUAH

[haikyuuuuuhypeeeee]

Ch. Fourteen

⚠WARNING: Swearing

• ────── ✾ ────── •

Waking up is painful. Physically painful, at least. You’re not ready to deal with the emotional pain from yesterday, no thank you.

You finally peel your eyes open, a true struggle considering how they were crusted together. You take in your surroundings and form the first coherent thought of the day.

This isn’t my bedroom.

Your eyes seem to be crusted shut. You sit up and realize that no, this is not your apartment, this is Osamu’s apartment. This is his bed you’re currently sitting up from, his blankets wrapped around you.

You then form your second coherent thought of the day.

His detergent smells really nice.

That thought finishes in your head before it’s slammed aside by the rush of yesterday’s memories - group therapy with your friends and Osamu, Oikawa being a complete dick to Osamu, your argument with Oikawa which resulted in Oikawa blabbing of your love for Hajime, leaving the restaurant crying, realizing you lost your keys but they’re at Osamu’s apartment, walking to Osamu’s crying…

From there it’s a bit murkier as your memories intertwined with self-deprecating thoughts and a line of thinking you rarely walk down anymore.

Last night was a night.

You do somewhat remember Osamu comforting you. Letting you know that it was okay and he was there for you.

You glance around the studio apartment, wondering where he was. Oh god, did you force him out good lord you are -

Oh, no he’s sitting on his couch with a cup of coffee.

You’re filled with guilt when you realize you monopolized his bed and completely took over his apartment. Yeah, he maybe didn’t need to sleep last night (a concept you still don’t fully understand nor approve of) but you have fully overstayed your welcome.

Grabbing your phone from the side table you tap the screen, taking in the notifications on your screen.

Shit, I never messaged Makki or Mattsun.

Your gut feels like lead as you open the group chat with the two. That was a big fuck up on your end.

Fuck, I’m such a shitty friend.

You don’t waste anytime typing out a message.

“Tea?”

You look up from your phone and are greeted with Osamu’s sleepy gaze, a mug of tea held in his hand for you. You reach for the mug, nodding slowly.

“How’re yer feel in’ this morning?” He asks as you take a sip. You shrug in response

“I’m okay. I’m sorry I just fell apart like that on you.” You say. “I wasn’t having a great night, and my emotions just kind of bled all over the place. And I’m sorry that I fell asleep.”

“Yeah, that was actually pretty funny.” Osamu smiles. “Ya just kinda passed out on my shoulder. I had to lift ya to get ya onto the bed.”

You blink, absolutely mortified. “Oh wow, I am so sorry. That’s so embarrassing.”

“Nah, it was cute.” Osamu takes a casual sip from his mug, seemingly oblivious to the flirty line he just dropped. “But ya seemed pretty upset last night, and i wasn’t gonna let ya walk home like that.” The smile drops from his face and he looks at you with concern. “If ya wanna talk about it ya can, although I don’t want to push ya. It’d be pretty dumb of me to.

“I know I’ve been pretty skeptical about openin’ up and talkin’ ‘bout my feelings, but since meetin’ ya I’ve felt better. Lighter, I guess.” He shrugs. “Ya’ve made me realize how important it is to open up.”

You look down at your tea, a small smile tugging at your lips. Your heart warms at Osamu’s words, part of you preening that you were the one who has helped Osamu, but also you feel genuine relief that Osamu wants to open up more.

“Well, let me treat you to breakfast this morning - it’s the least I can do.” You finish your tea and give Osamu a small smile. “I can tell you about yesterday if you don’t mind listening.”

Osamu smiles in return. “Sure, let me grab my stuff.” He takes the mug from your hand and shuffles into the kitchen. You sit up, stretching your arms and grabbing your phone. A few more messages have come through from Mattsun and Makki.

Uhhhhh…….

You open up your chat with Oikawa, finding hundreds of messages from him. He hasn’t sent you anything since 5am. You quickly navigate back to the chat with your other friends.

Frantic knocks, one after another, beat against Osamu’s door.

No way.

Osamu gives you a look before walking to the front door. He checks the paper hole, then turns back and looks at you with faint amusement.

“It’s for ya.”

You stand from the bed, moving into the kitchen. Regretfully, you open the door.

A distressed-looking Oikawa is the surprise visitor. He looks absolutely beside himself - his eyes are bloodshot and swollen, snot is dripping out of his nose, and his hair is messy and lackluster.

Oh dear god.

He bursts into tears when he sees you, but surprisingly doesn’t throw himself at you. He must be learning some boundaries. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Y/N-chan! I was being stupid and petty and I didn’t mean to-”

“Ok, ok c’mon. You’re going to wake up Osamu’s neighbors.” You bring the snivelling, pathetic Oikawa inside, quickly closing the door behind him. You help him get his shoes off, glancing around the Osamu. You spot him at the sink, filling a glass with water. He brings it over, giving Oikawa a nod and silently passing the water to him.

“Thank you Osamu-kun.” Oikawa gratefully takes the water and downs it before handing the empty glass back to an amused Osamu. “I plan on giving you a full apology soon, I promise.”

Osamu huffs a laugh and goes back into the kitchen. He sets the glass in the sink as you lead Oikawa through and into the living room.

“I’m so sorry,” you whisper to Osamu. “Do you want me to go?”

“Nah,” Osamu waves his hand. “I’ll get ready for breakfast in the bathroom, and give you guys some space.”

“Thank you, I’ll try to make this quick.”

“Take yer time.” Osamu smiles at you and moves to the bathroom. You turn back to Oikawa, who is watching you with regret painting all over his face.

“I’m sorry I told Makki and Mattsun that you love Hajime.” Oikawa blurts without any bite.

You think you see Osamu flinch out of the corner of your eye but when you look his way you see the bathroom door closing. You look back to Oikawa and sigh.

“Why did you say it then?”

Oikawa heaves a sigh and hangs his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to say to make you not hate me.”

“Oikawa, I don’t hate you.” You join him on the couch, leaning into his side. “Talk to me.”

Oikawa presses back to you and you feel his shoulders move up and down as he takes another deep breath. “I knew that uni classes and volleyball would be really really hard - but as long as we all had each other we would be fine. We smashed through high school together, so this was just another challenge.

“But when Iwa-chan died it changed everything. Obviously.” Oikawa takes a shaky breath. “But I still had you, Mattsun and Makki. I knew that we wouldn’t be the same without Iwa-chan, and classes and volleyball would be hard, but we would be friends.

“I don’t think I knew how hard everything would be. My classes suck, volleyball is a chore, and I miss Iwa-chan.” He sniffles. “I miss him so much. I feel like I don’t know who I am without him. But I had you guys, I always had my friends.

“But Mattsun and Makki are in their own world sometimes, and then you started hanging out with Osamu.” He looks at you, tears shining in his brown eyes. “I know it makes me sound like you can’t have other friends beside me, and I really don’t want to be selfish. But you were spending more time with Osamu and it hit me that you were all growing up and becoming different people.” A few tears track down his face and he sniffs. “I don’t want anything to change, I don’t want Iwa-chan to be dead, I don’t want to be a terrible person.”

Oikawa starts to cry and you don’t hesitate in pulling him into a side hug. He’s not really sobbing but you feel his pain deep in your heart. One of your hands comes up to card gently through his hair.

“I know I’ve been a piece of shit the last few months. And I can tell that you really like Osamu, even though you’ve always loved Iwa-chan. Whenever you talked about him you had this happy and bright look on your face. He makes you feel good, but you love Iwa-chan. You moving on meant change, and I hated that.” Oikawa sniffs. “But bringing Osamu to the group therapy session, which I always thought was our group’s thing, made me realize that you were changing. I was so angry, and your secret just slipped out.”

He takes a watery breath. “Isn’t it awful? I’ve been trying to drag you back down to my level, bring you back down to feel the pain that I feel, all because I’m scared. I’m a terrible, awful friend.”

“Oikawa, have you had time to go to your therapy appointments?” You ask gently.

He doesn’t answer right away, and when he gives the tiniest shake of his head you sigh.

“Honey,” you scold gently. “Why are you not going?”

“School and volleyball have taken up a lot of my time.” Oikawa mumbles, his sentence punctuated with another sniffle. “I’ve skipped so many appointments, and I’m too embarrassed to call.”

You sigh, inwardly shaking your head at your friend’s weak excuse. “I don’t want to tell you what to do, but maybe re-prioritize your responsibilities. Getting back on track with your therapy appointments should take top priority. You can talk through these feelings instead of letting them fester.”

Oikawa doesn’t answer right away, but when he does his voice is small. “But I’d probably have to quit volleyball, and that’s all I have left of Iwa-chan.” You see his hands ball into fists. “I don’t want to lose that.” His breath hitches. “I don’t know what to do.”

You let him cry on your shoulder, giving him the time to get all the tears out. You figure this is the most civil conversation you’ve had since Hajime died. The thought brings you relief but also makes you quite sad.

“You know you’re one of my best friends, right Oikawa?” You ask once he’s calmed down a bit. “You’re a diva and a trainwreck, but you’re my diva and my trainwreck.” He exhales lightly but you’re almost certain it’s in amusement. “No matter what, I’m always going to want the best for you, and I’m always gonna try my best to help you.

“But,” you feel him tense up when you continue. “You have to realize that your behavior the past few months has been really shitty. You’ve treated us all like punching bags - we get it, probably more than a lot of people could. But I’m not gonna let you treat me, or any of our friends, like it anymore.”

“I’ll be good.” Oikawa promises immediately. “I promise, I’ll do better for you and Makki and Mattsun. And me.”

“Good.” You give him a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry for yelling at you last night in the restaurant.”

“You don’t have to apologize at all.” He replies immediately. He yawns before speaking again. “Honestly, I’ve been a piece of shit for months now. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” You murur. You both sit on the couch for a while longer as you try to come down from the conversation you just had. You feel like a heavy cloud that’s been floating around your head for months has cleared, and although you know Oikawa won’t magically change overnight you feel better knowing that you’ve had this hard conversation with him. Change starts with communication, and hopefully Oikawa understands now that he has the support to change.

You feel Oikawa leaning against you even further and you look at his face to see his eyes closed and mouth parted open.

“Oikawa, c’mon I don’t want you falling asleep.” You gently push him off you so you can stand and get Oikawa to stand also. His eyes are still closed and he puts nearly all of his body weight onto you.

He must not have slept all night, you think. It’s not uncommon for him to pull all nighters, a habit he picked up in high school watching game tape over and over until the sun came up. But he handles the lack of sleep gracelessly - you could prop him against a door jamb and he’d pass out no problem.

Together you move towards the front door. You’re not going to let him fall asleep here and inconvenience Osamu even more - you’ll take him back to your apartment and maybe try to catch lunch with Osamu. Now you owe him a few meals and unlimited coffee.

“Gotta apologize to Osamu-kun,” Oikawa mumbles when you lean him against the wall.

“Maybe when you’re going to fall asleep standing up, yeah?” You reply, bending down to shove his feet back in his shoes. You hear more mumblings in return but can’t make anything out of them.

As you’re getting your shoes on you hear the bathroom door open and out walks Osamu. He’s dressed and his face is composed into it’s usual blankness. Trusting that Oikawa won’t keel over, you walk over to where Osamu is reaching into his dresser for socks.

“I’m so sorry,” you say. “I have to reschedule breakfast, I have to make sure this idiot won’t sleepwalk into traffic.”

“S’alright. Didja work everything out?” Osamu asks in a measured tone.

“I think so.” Osamu’s not looking at you as he puts on his socks. Your gut twinges with guilt, realizing that he must be upset that you have to cancel breakfast. “But I think I’m gonna take him to my apartment and make sure he sleeps. Do you want to meet up for lunch or something?”

“Can’t.” His short answer makes you blink. “Meetin’ a group on campus for a class project.”

“Oh.” He’s still not meeting your gaze, and you detect a hint of gruffness in his tone. Maybe he’s upset that he has to meet with his group last minute? Or because you basically shoved him into his bathroom while you and Oikawa worked out your issues. “Dinner then? I owe you double now.”

“Probably not.” Osamu stands and gathers a few books and a notebook before shoving them into his backpack. His inability to look at you or hold a full conversation is confusing, but you don’t want to push him.

“Well let’s meet at the coffee shop tomorrow, usual time after morning classes. Sounds good?”

He hums distractedly. Your gut feels heavier and you swallow hard.

“Okay, well I’ll be off now.”

Osamu turns towards you but still doesn’t meet your eyes. “I’ll walk ya out.”

You both make the short walk to the front door. The tension in the room is heavy, unable to lighten even at the sight of Oikawa sleeping standing up. You maneuver your friend while Osamu opens the door for you. It’s a slight struggle walking out of the front door but you manage.

You look back before Osamu can close the door behind you. He’s holding the door knob and staring at the ground. “Let me know if you can do dinner tonight - if not I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You force as much cheeriness into your voice, despite the heavy weight in your chest. Finally Osamu looks at you, giving you a disinterested nod.

He closes the door as you turn to walk away. You look back quickly, catching a crestfallen look on Osamu’s face before the door fully closes.

• ────── ✾ ────── •

A/N: So when I originally thought about this story, I wanted to think about how different people deal with grief. And what I wanted to explore was 1.) is there a limit to how people will grieve? And 2.) can someone grieving push that limit? From the get-go Oikawa has seemingly pushed the limit of what some of you believed, and yet Y/N was still hesitant to call him out. And I loved hearing what everyone had to say about Oikawa - some were willing to give him a pass, and some were NOT happy with him. Now, just because someone is grieving, it does NOT give them a free pass to behave inappropriately or do serious harm to those around them. But I think it’s important to note that what may seem absolutely insane to one person is tolerable to another. And what it comes down to is how the person who is directly affected by another’s actions wants to address those actions (sorry if this is confusing.) Oikawa was treating Y/N and their friends like shit. In the story it was because Oikawa was not taking the necessary actions to keep himself mentally healthy. In Y/N’s eyes, if there is a desire to be better, and appropriate actions are taken to be better, then Oikawa deserves to be forgiven. I have absolutely LOVED reading everyone’s reactions and hearing their opinions on Oikawa’s slowly deteriorating behavior, thank you for sending them in! And just because how Y/N has reacted to Oikawa’s behavior it does not mean there is a right/wrong way! Everyone has different life experiences and different relationships that guide their decision-making! And that’s totally okay! (This obviously applies to non-threatening and morally & ethically right behavior.) And WOOF thank you for getting this far in the A/N’s, this was a LOT! Gold stars for everyone!! 🌟🌟🌟

Taglist Open! Please send an Ask with the request to be added to It’s [Not] Okay Fic & SMAU: @psycho-nightrose @camcam1617 @kamalymaly @toobsessedsstuff @shookykookie30 @roro-707 @qualitygiantshoepsychic @cerealfrdinner797 @ara-mitsue @gray-444 @tanakasimpcorner @rintarovibes @jellien @everytimeswift @bongofrito @babucrow @beidouluvr @kozuken-ma @imarriedachef

#haikyuu! #haikyuu #haikyuu fic #haikyuu social media au #haikyuu smau #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #hq smau #hq x reader #hq x y/n #hq x you #haikyuu angst #hq angst #haikyuu romance #hq romance #miya osamu #miya osamu x reader #miya osamu x y/n #miya osamu x you #iwaizumi hajime #miya atsumu #oikawa tooru #hanamki takahiro #matsukawa issei #tw.mention of past character death #kita shinsuke #suna rintarou #ojiro aran #its [not] okay fic & smau

[massivelycreepypineapple]

Wickedly Vicious and Vile

Part 1 to Wonderfully Gentle and Loving

Request: hello. i have a request dean x reader. in the Christmas pagan God episode, I want dean and Sam to hunt reader down because she is kidnapped for the God's sacrifice. When they are being tortured, reader is dragged from her chair in front of dean and sam and is being tortured in front of dean by the gods son (sexually too), who ofc is swearing and crying. then they start to torture dean and the reader is crying too. is that alright? i love your writing ♡

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Warning: Allusions to sexual assault.Torture. Angst. Dark fic. Please don’t read if it’ll trigger you in any way.

A/N 1: I just want to say that I am in no way romanticising sexual assault and torture. My heart goes out to anyone who has been hurt. I hope with all my heart you guys find the peace you deserve.

A/N 2: Thanks for the request, Anon! It’s my first dark fic, hope this is alright.

Word Count: 2280

❅ ❅ ❅

Sam, Dean and Y/N had come into town on a hunt a couple of days ago. They had learned that evil Santa was creating havoc by killing humans. It so turned out that the Christmas pagan gods have turned up this year, using human beings as sacrifices. The trio spent their time interviewing people and collecting evidence and researching. They had just gotten back from interviewing the Carrigans. They knew there was something shady about those guys. They had made a game plan to break into their house that night and investigate, when Y/N decided to go on a supply run to get some things before the hunt.

But it had been almost three hours and Y/N wasn’t back yet. It was driving Dean crazy. How long does a supply run even take? She only had to get medical supplies. They had planned to kill the pagan gods that night but she just had to disappear. Sam didn’t seem all that fazed but as the third hour nearly struck he too was becoming restless. Having had enough of waiting, Dean decided they should go look for her. There was this unsettling feeling in his stomach and the sooner they found his girl, there was less of a chance that he’d shit a brick. 

But nothing went according to plan for the Winchesters. They managed to track Y/N to the Carrigan’s basement but everything went south after that.

______

Sam and Dean were each tied to a chair in the dining room. There were tools laid on the table that could only mean one thing. Pain. Intense, scary pain. They heard a struggle from the adjoining room, when the door opened to reveal Y/N dragged in by the Carrigan's son, James. She was beaten up badly, with blood trickling down the side of her mouth. A large angry bruise was forming on her forehead. She sported a black eye on the right and the worst of all, her clothes were torn and battered, meticulously ripped apart to reveal just the right amount of skin. 

Dean felt himself tear up at the sight of her. It was like he could feel her pain. He felt the rage build up inside him. “YOU SON OF A BITCH! LET HER GO!” he yelled and struggled in his restraints. 

The young man only laughed at that. He didn’t dignify it with a response. He treated Y/N like a rag doll, forcing her to sit on the chair and proceeded to tie her up like the brothers, barely giving them a second glance as they yelled profanities at him. Madge and Edward stood there smirking at the whole scene. They knew what was going to happen, they decided to let James have a little fun before their feast.

He walked in front of Y/N crouched down facing her. She was barely conscious, her breathing was shallow. He caressed her so tenderly and smirked as he watched her try to recoil from him. She whimpered when his hand graced over the bruise on her forehead and without any warning he pressed his fingers into it really hard making her yell out in pain, jerking her out of her semi conscious state. He watched on with fascination as she whimpered some more. He then got up and walked to the table.

Y/N was in agony and looking at Dean and Sam tied up, made it all worse. She wasn’t sure how they’d get out of this one. This could be the last case and she didn’t even get to kiss or hold Dean one last time or hug Sam and tell him what an amazing friend he was to her. All she could think about was how the last thing the three of them would see would be the other getting tortured. Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted when James came back with a knife and a bowl, slowly began cutting away what was left of her top from the neck. The tip of the knife graced her skin and he applied light pressure, watching in awe as the blood trickled out the wound and into the bowl. Y/N screamed in pain she didn’t have the energy to beg him to stop. But she could hear Dean crying out for her.

“NO! STOP THAT! YOU BASTARD! STOP!” He’s never before wanted to hurt someone the way he wanted to hurt these people. But hurling insults at them wasn’t working and he resorted to begging. 

“Please, I’ll do anything, just stop hurting her.” Dean Winchester rarely begged, but he would get down on both knees and beg his heart out just to make him stop hurting his Y/N.

“Now, now, don’t interrupt my boy.” Chided Edward. “He needs to focus. It’s his first time taking control after all.”

“Just wait till I get my hands on you, you filthy bastard! I’ll be sure to kick your godly balls really hard!” He spat at him and struggled some more and then suddenly felt a tight slap on his cheek given to him by Madge.

“We don’t curse in this family, my dear.” She said as if to petulant a child. 

“Bite me!” Spat Dean who got hit once more. 

Sam was trying his best to keep it together through it all. He knew it was up to him at this point to figure out an escape. He was busy trying to get out of his restraints, doing his best to not let Y/N’s and Dean’s cries get to him. He couldn’t give in to his pain now. It was up to him to save the two people who mattered the most in his life.

Y/N felt the man push her torn top apart, “No, please. Don’t do this.” she whispered half sobbing. 

“Shh, love. It’ll be over before you know it” He said, his voice smooth as honey.

She knew what was coming. She knew if this happened there was no going back and she’d lose herself. She saw him walk behind her and place his hands on her shoulder. She felt disgust at his touch. She looked up at Dean to see he was no better. She looked into his eyes, wishing he wasn’t here to see this. 

“Well, Dean. Why don’t I give you a little show, huh?” Said James and grinned wolfishly. “Teach you how to pleasure your girl.”

Dean was openly crying at this point. Tears and snot streaming down his face. He couldn’t do this. He had never before felt so helpless in his life. He shook his head frantically, choking back a sob. “Stop, please stop!” His voice trailed off as he cried harder. 

Things just went from bad to worse from then. Soon James’ pants came down and he made Y/N do things that she would forever be sealed in her memory. Dean could do nothing but hear her strugglin, crying and begging for him to stop. He promised hell upon them. His heart shattered into a thousand pieces and he didn’t know how anyone of them could recover from this. 

Then suddenly it stopped. “You know, Y/N” James began, “I don’t think it’s fair that your boyfriend and his brother only watch the show. What do you say we make them feel noticed?”

“Y-you stay a-away from them, you fucking bastard!” She said her voice hoarse. Her throat burned as a result of the things he made her do.

“Nah, I think I’ll go with my plan” He smirked. “And you’re gonna watch!” 

He held her hair tightly forcing her to look at Dean. Madge walked towards him with a knife and another bowl. She was giddy with barely controlled glee. She ripped her shirt apart, button flying away. Dean flinched at that, struggling to get away. But it was no use. He yelled in pain as he cut deeply into his chest collecting blood in the bowl. She kept repeating the ordeal, making him scream out in pain. Y/N was crying harder hearing his pained cries. Watching the love of her life get tortured felt worse than what she went through. 

Sam was begging them to stop. “Please, please just let us go! Don’t hurt them anymore!” 

But it only fell on deaf ears. 

“This is not your run of the mill sacrifice!! This is fucking rape and abuse! It’s not how you work!” He screamed.

“Well, we like to mix things up a bit” Edward grinned at Sam.

The gods were clearly more amused with Dean and Y/N. Making sure to fuck with their relationship. They had no inhibitions and would do anything to get their entertainment. It was their godly right apparently.

When Madge seemed to be done, Y/N noticed his entire front was bloody and his breathing got shallow. “I’m so sorry, Dean!” She wailed. 

His eyes barely opened as he struggled to get out, “I-i’m f-fine, Sweetheart. I-it’s g-going to be ok- okay. I-I P-promise.”

Edward had grabbed some pliers ready to pluck his tooth out. He walked over to Dean and grabbed his jaw, forcing his mouth open. He went to pull his tooth out, but just then the doorbell rang. The Carrigans paused and looked at each other wide eyed and unsure of what to do.

“Somebody gonna get that? I think you should.” Said Sam, hoping they’d go. He finally had a chance to escape and help his family. 

The Carrigans sighed in frustration and left the room to see who interrupted their ritual. 

Meanwhile Sam managed to get out of his restraints and rushed over to Dean to help him up. Once he was free, Dean pushed away from Sam and rushed to Y/N as fast as his wounds would allow him. When she realised what was happening, she reached out to Dean desperately in need of the one person who could comfort her right now. She was beyond tired, the trauma of what happened was catching up with her and she was losing consciousness and before Dean could get to her she slumped down in her chair.

“Y/N!” He whispered yelled at her, patting her cheeks lightly to get her to wake up, but to no avail. “Fuck.” He muttered. Sam crouched down next to him to check on her himself.

“Dean, she just lost consciousness. But we need to get to a hospital immediately before you bleed out and something worse happens to her.” 

He didn’t reply, he simply shrugged out of his jacket and wrapped it around her, hiding her exposed body. He laid her gently on the floor slightly hidden from view. He remained crouched down next to her for a few seconds. He jerked away when Sam placed a hand on his shoulder.

 “Dean, we got to move. They’ll be here any second.” Sam whispered. 

“Let them come” Said Dean as he stood up slowly and turned around. He made his way into the adjoining room and spotted the Christmas tree, Sam following him. “I’m going to kill these sons of bitches if it’s the last thing I do, Sammy.”

He didn’t leave any room for argument, “We need evergreen stakes right? Here’s a whole bunch.” He said, breaking the tree. Sam rushed to help his brother, knowing that he was in one of his zones. Nothing can stop him from getting his revenge for Y/N. And honestly? He wasn’t complaining. He wanted these assholes dead just as badly. 

With the crash of the tree, the Carrigans rushed into the room and within seconds a fight broke out. Sam was able to hold his own, while Dean was struggling with the overwhelming pain in his body. After what felt like ages, Sam managed to kill Madge and Edward and rushed to help Dean with their son.

“She sucks really good, Dean. You’re a lucky man” The asshole grinned with blood dripping from his face.”You were there. You saw!” 

Dean didn’t react to that. He had gotten into this calculated zone where every step he took was planned way in advance. He was like a machine whose only mission was to destroy the vile thing in front of him.

Sam had never seen Dean this angry before. He had beaten him up pretty badly despite being hurt and as the bastard laid there in pain, Dean lifted his leg and placed his foot on his dick slowly added more and more pressure making him yell out in pain.He then took the sharp end of a branch and slowly drove it into his stomach knowing just how to miss all the vital organs so he’ll suffer longer. Dean looked up at Sam and threw him the car keys.

“Take Y/N to the car, I’ll be there in a min.” His gruff emotionless voice came through. 

Sam watched in horror, he didn’t know if he should stop Dean or let him have his revenge. The latter won out knowing just how vile and disgusting the man bleeding out was. He let Dean have this. He quickly grabbed the keys and made his way to Y/N and picked her up gently. He carried her to the impala and placed her on the back seat watching over her and checking how bad her wounds were. 

Dean made his way out and got in the back seat letting Sam drive them to the nearest hospital. He held Y/N in his lap tightly, afraid she’ll disappear again. He needed to be there with her. He made a silent promise to her and himself that he would do everything in his power to make this better for them. It won’t be easy and it sure as hell will be a long one, but he’d be there for her. Every damn step of the way.

❅ ❅ ❅

TAGS BELOW @hobby27 @akshi8278

#supernatural #supernatural fic #spn fic #supernatural x reader #spn x reader #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #reader insert #female reader #angst #christmas fic #fanfiction

[flowercrown-bucky]

That Old Black Magic

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Modern!Loki x Reader, Modern!Thor x Reader, Loki x Wanda

Series Warnings: Cheating, affairs, swearing, legal alcohol consumption, smut later on, mention of smoking

Summary: What do you do when you fall in love? Embark on a clandestine affair with their brother, of course.

Authors’ Note: This is very dialogue heavy towards the end. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya. Oh, and hold tight, it’s a long one.

I was supposed to post this yesterday but forgot oops

Start At The Beginning | Series Masterlist

Chapter Five - Regarding long dismissed feelings that must, as ever, be addressed.

TAG LIST: OPEN (PLEASE COMMENT OR MESSAGE ME IF YOU’D LIKE TO BE ADDED!)

“Y/N?” He muttered into your hair.

You murmured in response.

"I love you."

"What?" A spluttered, incredulous laugh left your lips. "Sorry, Loki, for a moment, I thought you said you loved me."

This was it, Loki thought. This was his do or die moment.

"I did." He mumbled. "I do."

Your whole body froze. You couldn't believe what you were hearing. His words echoed in your ears.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I. Love. You.

It wasn't possible. Loki didn't love you. Loki couldn't love you.

You'd played this game since the very first time you'd met. Dancing around each other, skirting around your feelings. Secret, exciting, harmless. You were drawn to him and he you, there was no denying that. Since you'd first met, you'd been drawn together, as if dictated by the will of some cosmic force.

But it was never anything serious. Never anything real. You'd had your moments, quiet and tender and clandestine, hidden away from prying eyes. Moments where you'd wondered how things would pan out if circumstances were different. If - and it was a big if - you weren't engaged to his brother.

As you closed your eyes, hundreds of Lokis' filled your mind.

Loki at the garden party. Loki half-smiling at a joke you'd told. Loki laughing so hard he spat beer out his nose. Loki sleeping on his brother. Loki in the sea under the moonlight. Loki gently embracing Wanda. Loki gently embracing you. Loki that night on the roof, mere steps away from pouring his heart out to you. You looked at the Loki before you. His bottom lip trembled slightly, his eyes glassy.

"Wanda..."  Your voice trembled as you spoke. "Thor."

He stepped closer to you, wrapping his arms around you, cradling your body.

"It doesn't matter about them." He murmured, his voice low and soothing. "It doesn't matter about anyone. All that matters is me and you. So long as I love you and you love me, everything will be ok."

You said nothing, trying very hard to disguise how every muscle in your body was tensing under his touch. You weren't fooling anyone.

"You do love me, don't you?" He stepped away, trying to meet your gaze. "You love me too, right? Y/N?"

You turned your head as shame filled your body. Tears filled your eyes, and you worried that if you looked at him you might start bawling uncontrollably.

"Y/N." His voice was low. "Do you love me?"

Your silence said it all.

"I'm sorry, Loki." A tear escaped your eyes, rolling down your cheek.

"You do, Y/N." His voice was almost pleading, his hands catching your biceps. "You do love me, I know you do. Everything that's happened, everything between us, I know you do. Say you love me."

You had been right. The sight of him had, in fact, caused you to sob uncontrollably, your body trembling under his firm grasp.

"Say it, please." He begged you, tears rolling down his face. "Please, tell me you love me. Tell me the truth. Please."

"I'm sorry, Loki." You repeated.

"You do, you do." It seemed like he was trying to convince himself as much as you. "I know you do."

"Loki, stop." You pushed him away from you. "I'm sorry, Loki, but I don't love you."

Loki felt like he'd been stabbed, your words like a knife driving straight through his heart. His breaths escaped him, as if he'd taken a heavy fall, his lungs suddenly feeling as if they'd been shattered. He'd never felt this way before, he felt almost as if his heart was about to quite literally break into two pieces, taking out most of his vital organs in the process. How had he been so wrong? Could he have really misjudged everything that had happened so badly? He thought back to the first time he'd met you, the way you'd looked at him then.

He thought about the way you were looking at him now.

"You don't.... Love me?" He whispered, his eyes brimming with tears.

You wiped the teardrops from your eyes uncomfortably. You weren't sure what to say.

"I should.. I should probably go." He rubbed at his eyes, turning and all but running for the door. "Just, don't tell my brother, okay?"

Your heart lurched in your chest. Could you let him go that easily?

"Loki!" You called after him. "Loki, wait!"

You were met with nothing but the slamming of the door.

Loki slammed the door of his flat with force it had never known before. Was he angry? Was he sad? He wasn't entirely sure.

He'd headed for the Kraken when he entered his kitchen, his fingers unscrewing the bottle as if it was of their own accord, pouring himself a more than healthy portion of rum. He sat himself down on the balcony, his fingers trembling as he attempted to light his cigarette. It took five tries but eventually, the zippo gave in and his Marlboro Lite was smoking .

After three drags of his cigarette and two sips of his rum did he eventually allow himself to cry. Tears rolled down his face, his nose filling with snot. Every contraction of his throat and chest felt like it might be his last. It felt as if every single sob might shatter his rib cage. How could he have been so wrong?

Thor had found you curled in a ball, crying, and more than slightly tipsy.

"I'm sorry, my love." Was all he'd said, wrapping you tightly in his arms. You'd been scooped up gently, and placed in your bed, the duvet tucked around you.

"Loki didn't come round, did he?" He asked, climbing into the bed next to you. "I forgot I'd invited him."

You shook your head violently.

"Look, I'm really sorry." He reached over to you, wrapping you into his chest. "I shouldn't have stormed out like that. I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you too." Your voice came out in a whisper, unable to look him in the eyes.

How could something so right feel so wrong?

Meanwhile, Loki had been living the endlessly grey shades of life. It wasn't as if anything had changed. Anything but, really. His life had remained exactly the same.

He woke up every day at 6:05 and went for his daily jog. Monday through Friday, his breakfast would be a largely uninspiring bowl of porridge, following a shower that had, for a week, been cold due to his boiler's diverter valve sticking. He'd arrive at his office between 8:35 and 8:50 AM (Traffic-dependent), which gave him precisely enough time to make himself a large coffee - black, with one sugar - and read through his case notes before his first client meeting of the day. His working day would often overrun by an hour or so, which he didn't mind on days he was on his own (The exceptions to this being Thursdays and Fridays, Fridays being date night). Honestly? He happily stayed at the office until 7PM, giving him just enough time after he'd cooked and eaten to wallow in misery and self-pity, followed by an hour of half-hearted chatter with Wanda on the phone before he decided bed was the wisest option.

On Thursdays, he stayed at Wanda's. This typically meant he had to leave the office before 5:30, else she'd worry. They'd have a perfectly pleasant meal and a few glasses of wine before settling on the sofa to stream Netflix shows, before retreating to her room to fuck before going to sleep. The sex, as the chatter, had also become half-hearted, and this, he could tell, was something Wanda was becoming increasingly suspicious of.

It was a Thursday such as this that Loki had bailed on. He wasn't feeling well, he'd told his girlfriend. It wasn't entirely untrue.

You had hurt him unbearably, and that, was not a well feeling.

Not to mention that the pretence was killing him. Pretending you were in love with one woman when you were truly in love with another was no easy feat (Not to mention you'd soon be his sister in law, which would make his feelings a little too Game of Thrones for his liking), nor was pretending to be insanely busy so as to avoid both aforementioned women and the latter's fiancee.

Not to mention how you'd crushed his heart under your proverbial heel, leaving the proverbial shatters in the proverbial dust.

He'd wondered briefly on his drive home if he'd ever catch a break.

So, he lay sprawled on his sofa, a large wine in his hand, trying to ignore the phone lying next to him that was constantly notifying him of his girlfriend's concern for his welfare, and trying not to dwell on the fact that he could not dispel the image of your face from his mind every time he fucked said girlfriend.

So, naturally, the knocking on the door had really pissed him off.

He stormed over to the door, internally condemning whoever it was who'd decided to come visit him. What was so important they couldn't have just texted? If it was a door-to-door salesman or an evangelical believer, he would have to utilise extreme restraint in order to not knock them out. He flung the door open, ready to snap at whoever it was.

He was not expecting it to be you.

"Hey, can we talk?" You turned to face him. The smile on your face was small, shy, reassuring, but it still dazzled him.

He wasn't sure what to say. In all truth, he was completely dumbfounded.

"No." Was all his mouth could conjure up.

He'd been dreaming of this for weeks, of you rushing into his arms and declaring your undying love for him, but now that you were here, all he felt was anger. Anger for how you'd humiliated him, anger for how you'd hurt him. As if his body knew better what was good for him than his brain did, his arms reached out by themselves and slammed the door.

If Loki thought you'd leave him alone at that, he was very much mistaken. You clenched your hands into little fists, banging on the door with each alternately. You'd come to talk, and you were not someone who would leave things lying down. You were a fighter, and you'd be damned if one man thought he was going to change that.

His confession had deeply unsettled you. Panicked you, even.

You knew he felt for you. After all, he’d made no real attempt to hide it. Regardless of your own feelings, pushing him away, you knew, was the best thing to do for everyone. You loved Thor, and Loki would get over it. In time, he would come to see that you’d made the right choice.

You did not like the little voice in the back of your mind that constantly reminded you that it was him clouding your thoughts as you drifted off to sleep in his brother’s arms.

"Loki!" You yelled. "I know you can hear me."

Your banging on the door continued for another minute until you heard shuffling from the other side.

"Will you shut up?" He grumbled. "I have neighbours, you know."

"Then let me in." You argued.

The sigh that came from the other side of the door came from a man who sounded like he was really, really done. The door swung open, revealing a man who looked as exhausted as he sounded.

"You have five minutes." He told you, his arms crossed over his chest.

Loki was not sure why exactly he had let you into his flat, but there you were, sat on his sofa opposite him.

"I'm sorry, Loki." You said, looking up at him.

"So you've said before." He but his lip, staring down at his shoes.

"I humiliated you." You said.

"Yeah, you did." A bitter laugh left his mouth.

"I hurt you." You continued.

"That too." He brought his hand up to his throat, undoing his top bottom.

"Can you just stop, and listen, just for a second?" You asked. "Yes, I hurt you, yes, I humiliated you, and a whole lot more, too, I would imagine. But I want to move on from this! I want us to be the way we were! Is that too much to ask?"

"Y/N, you didn't just hurt me." His voice was low, quiet. Calm, even. "I held my heart out to you, and you trod it into the dirt. I told you I love you, and you didn't love me back. That, I can live with. But now, you say you want back in on my life? To what, to laugh at me? Why the fuck are you even here, Y/N?"

You bit your lip, trying very hard not to cry. It wasn't working.

"Say something." Loki rose to his feet, standing roughly half a foot from you. "Fucking say something! Why the fuck are you here, Y/N? To throw it in my fucking face?"

"Because I do." You whispered, covering your face with your hands.

"What?" He asked, stopping in his tracks.

"I fucking love you, Loki!" You shouted, suddenly finding your voice, and in the more literal sense, your feet. "I fucking love you and I'm engaged to your fucking brother, and that's so many kinds of fucked up I don't even know where to begin."

To say Loki was stunned did not even scratch the surface.

He stared at you, his mouth opening as if he were about to speak, but no words came out. For so long, he’d ached to hear those words, but now you’d actually said them, he wished you hadn’t. He almost wished there was some way he could push them back into your mouth, make them unsaid.

“You do?” Was all his brain could think to say.

You nodded, suddenly bashful, unable to look into his eyes. You stood, awkwardly facing each other. Your heavy breathing was the only noise in the room, sneaking glances at each other when you thought the other wasn’t looking, to see if they were looking at you. Who would be the one to break the silence? He reached for you, tugging you into his arms. Your head fell against his shoulder, your body contained in his arms as they wrapped around you. In spite of yourself, you let out a heavy sigh.

‘Push him away, it’s for the best of everyone’, the voice in the back of your mind chided. Bang goes that theory.

You opted to ignore it.

“Hey now, stop with those tears.” His tone had become soft, a world apart from the anger from just moments ago. “You’re much too beautiful to cry.” His hand came down to cradle your face, wiping the tears from under your eyes with his thumb.

“We shouldn’t be doing this.” You whispered.

“I know.” He replied.

“It’s wrong.” You continued.

“I know.” He repeated.

You nuzzled your head into his chest, relaxing under his touch as your arms wound around his neck.

“Loki.” You whispered, your voice hoarse. “Loki, I want you to kiss me. Please.”

He blinked at you in disbelief. He’d waited a year and a half to kiss you, and now you were actually asking, his body seemed to be betraying him.

You looked up at him, one eyebrow slightly quirked.

All he could think was how pretty your eyes were.

“Well?” You asked.

Chapter Six - I Put A Spell On You

—

[Also, little known fact about me - I’m a professional copywriter. I wrote this in between some other pieces and I can hear my professional voice coming through in this where I’m usually able to separate the two, but I sort of roll with it here. So you know, like, soz. I guess. #sorrynotsorry. Also, while I’m here, don’t cheat on your partners kids.]

—

SERIES TAGS:

@jessiejunebug @sherlockfan4life @soapbox-moments @amour-delicate @milea @writingforthelonelysoul @justyourneighbourhoodretard @chxrryycola @erinlaufeyson @marvelousell @rogerrhqpsody

#loki laufeyson smut #loki fanfic #loki/reader #loki smut #loki x reader #lokixreader #loki imagine #loki x you #loki laufeyson #loki #loki fandom #tom hiddleston smut #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston imagine #thor fic #thor x reader #thor x you #thor the dark world #thor ragnarok #mcu #mcu fanfic #mcu fanfiction #marvel fic #marvel cinematic universe #marvel imagines #avengers assemble #loz writes loki

[nancythebisexualslutwheeler]

reddie hc where the losers do end up playing that game of truth and dare pennywise mocked richie abt and richie has to pick truth

This has taken forever, but I really like this and am thinking about part 2! Xx T

“I KNOW YOUR SECRET YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRET” Pennywise screams. Richie’s panicking. Everyone else had gone. Pennywise had picked truth for them all in this wicked game of truth and dare. Richie’s stomach is tight with fear. He’d assumed the fear about his secret would be less of a pain but it wasn’t.

“Tell us Richie. Tell us what you’d rather forget.”

He’s not suicidal, not yet at least, but that doesn’t make it any easier to open his mouth. One of It’s tentacles pushes him against the rock wall.

“I’m not-“ the talon pokes harder into his chest. He actually feels it prick the skin, “I’m gay! Are you happy you big motherfucker! I’m gay!”

He doesn’t have time to take in anyone’s reaction as IT uses the talon to scratch down his face. He can feel the blood, warm.

“What the FUCK!” He spits as a trail of blood enters his mouth.

That’s his secret. His big secret. Richie Tozier is a fucking fairy. That’s it. It’s embarrassing, hence why he’d never come out before. Everything he was. Obnoxious, loud, funny Richie was reduced to nothing more than some token gay boy. Everything about him suddenly became tortured or radical or some bullshit. There was a reason he’d been in the closet for 42 fucking years.

He was a dick. Like an asshole, through and through. Had been, ever since he was a kid. He was mean. Some might have called him a bully. He didn’t need anyone taking their homophobia out on him. He couldn’t imagine the mocking, the rudeness, the stares, the questions, the jokes. It was easier to stay by himself. Make self deprecating jokes during his sets about things he didn’t care about. It didn’t matter what he dressed like or his geek glasses, or the fact he’s dumber than a sack of rocks. None of that mattered. He could make fun of that. He couldn’t make fun of this.

This shitty hand he’d been dealt. It was one thing to be in love with your best friend. But for your best friend to be a boy. To be thirteen and in love with a boy, while you’re already being bullied for things you can’t control. And you can’t control this. He never had been able to. From glancing a little too long at the cute stranger at the coffee shop. When his manager clapped him on the shoulder, he couldn’t help but lean into the human touch. Just like he couldn’t help it that night in college. Drunk out of his mind, hooking up with his lab partner Tony. It’s the only thing he’s done for real. With another guy at least. One messy blow job in a shitty dark bathroom. The only thing he’d ever let himself have. He dropped the class and never saw Tony again. Okay, not he’d never seen him again. Tony showed up at his dorm one night, Richie’s roomate was there for fuck’s sake, and Richie had told him to fuck off. Well. It ended with Richie punching him in the face and telling him to keep his gay hands off of him. He’d said gay, but they both know what he’d meant.

Anyway, he’d done what the fucker wanted. Embarrassed himself and probably ruined the only friendships he’d had. Ever had. So he didn’t understand why he could taste his own blood.

“I know I’m charming as fuck all, but that’s all I’ve got,” Richie shrugs as best he can in this demon’s arms.

It’s face morphs into what he assumes is a smile and out comes that loud, ratchey voice,

“Richie’s got a CRUSH!”

Richie’s going to vomit. All over this monster. Maybe it’ll drop him. Maybe he’ll die. He hopes he dies. He’d rather die than. He can’t. He cannot.

“SAY IT!”

“Fuck you,” Richie spits.

The talon slides down his cheek and neck and down his chest, resting right above his ribs. Dangerously sharp.

“SAY IT!”

“Jesus Christ Richie, just-” Ben shouts.

“No!”

“It’s gonna kill you!” says Bev.

Richie sees his life. It’s pathetic. He doesn’t call his sister enough. He hasn’t even talked to his mom in a week because she’s in Mexico like most rational people who live in Maine year round. He has fans, he does, he is funny. Maybe his death will end up in some b list magazine. Otherwise, up until three days ago, the most prominent people in his life were his manager, his throat doctor, and the D-list actress he has an on and off thing. (She doesn’t ask, he doesn’t tell, and she doesn’t make him feel bad when he can’t get it up.) That’s it. His life is pathetic.

He hasn’t even had time to pine. To gush over how hot Eddie is now. He went through a phase in high school when he was obsessed with older men, but now that he is in his forties, he loves it even more. And Eddie is good looking. He’s barely had five minutes to think about it though. He’s too busy thinking about whether he’s going to live or die. It looks like die.

The Losers are screaming at him to get it together, to do something. To speak dammit. They sound frantic, but he can’t, he can’t. This secret is a part of him. It’s his. It’s been with him for so long. Sewed itself into his heart and is comfortable there. It’s his. It’s his. He thinks desperately. He can’t. He can’t admit it. He’s panicking. He’s crying. He doesn’t remember crying before this moment, but suddenly he’s crying. He’s talking fat crocodile tears and snot and he’s blubbering.

“Richie goddammit, say something!” Bev screams hysterically.

He can’t breathe, his heart is racing and he screams as the talon pierces the soft skin of his stomach. He chokes and blood bubbles up his throat.

“Richie! You are not going to die today. It’s okay. It’s okay Richie. No matter who it is, it’s going to be okay.”

He’s near passing out, he can’t breathe, he can’t function, he’s not even sure it was Eddie talking to them but the hope. The thought that Eddie doesn’t want him to die, the fact that he has friends. Friends who he could spend time with if he lives. Goddammit, if he lives.

“I’ve been in love with Eddie since I was thirteen.” He whispers.

“Louder!”

Richie’s choking up blood now,

“Eddie, ok?! It’s fucking Eddie!”

He’s immediately dropped and everything goes black.

Part Two

#asks #richie tozier #reddie fan fiction #reddie #eddie kaspbrack #it 2017 #it 2019 #my writing #long post

[kweebtrash]

hate u love u (M)

Messy After Story

Pairing(s): OC X Johnny

Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU, Smut, ANGST

Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.

Warnings: really sad fucking shit, talks about suicide attempts, drug addiction, alcoholism, talks about death, jealousy and insecurities

Features: contraceptives, smidge of a size kink, grinding, face riding & face fucking, sex tapes, choking, sex toys, anal fingering/fucking, thigh grinding, double penetration, creampies, rough fucking, trying some new shit and being kinda awkward and weird but also having some kind of slutty conversations

Word Count: 17.6k

A/N: ok this is the last one I promise😉 this is really fucking angsty and I teared up at some parts writing it so sorry in advance. Also there's a lot of smut. Like 6.5k worth of smut/smutty conversations. Also, i’m going to edit this in a little while so don’t @ me if you see mistakes. I’m gonna fix them probs tomorrow. I’m just tired.

Messy Masterlist  Other Stories   Johnny Only Masterlist

I didn't talk to him. For weeks. I couldn't. I was so angry. So hurt. So devastated. He didn't tell me where he applied to, must have been because he was running around so much for his gallery and all that shit. But a fucking heads up would have been nice. I didn't see him off at the airport. I tossed his shit in a box and kicked it to the back of my closet. I cried. I screamed. And at last it wasn't anger anymore. It was hurt. It was pain. It was missing him every. Single. Night. The pain was beginning to swallow me whole and I had no idea what else I should do, or could do. He was halfway across the country and I wasn't in his arms anymore. My pillows were tear stained, my floor covered in snot filled tissues, leftover wrappers, and dirty clothes. Everything was harder without him.

I sat cross legged in the middle of my bed as I chewed on my thumbnail and stared at my phone in front of me. I had reopened all the unanswered texts he had sent me. The "baby, please talk to me," the "baby, I'm sorry," the "princess, daddy needs you. Please." I couldn't cope enough to give him an answer. But now...now I felt too empty. I snatched my phone and dialed his number. My heart pounded so hard in my chest that I could feel the blood rushing to my ears. It went to voicemail. I dropped my phone and covered my face, preparing for another round of tears. My phone vibrated against my leg and I saw his number flash across the screen. I answered it instantly and for the first time in a long time I heard his sweet deep voice. It felt like a warm blanket had been wrapped around me and I sighed.

"Eri." He said sharply.

The blanket disappeared. "H-hi…"

I heard him chewing on something then swallowing. "What?"

"What do you mean what?"

"Why are you calling me?"

"I can call my boyfriend, can't i?"

"Am I your boyfriend?" The questioned stunned me. Of course he was. Why wouldn't he be? We didn't break up we just…

"Y-yes?" My voice trembled. "Yes. Yes, you are."

"Hmm." He chewed again. "Didn't feel like I was."

"I was...upset."

"Yeah, no shit."

I wanted to fucking cry. He didn't even seem to care at all. "I m-miss you. A lot. And I...I wanted to see how you were doing."

"Oh, now you want to?" I heard him cover the phone and call out to someone, though it was all muffled. "You can do it only at your convenience?"

"I just want to see you. Can I see you?"

"You're gonna fly here? And who's gonna pay for that shit? You're gonna make Quinn do it?"

The tears started to fall again, as quick as a waterfall in a rainforest. "N-n-no. I can do-do it on my own. Do you want me t-there?"

"You're crying."

I stopped talking for a moment, knowing that my voice was going to jump a few octaves and turn into an indecipherable squeak.

"Eri."

"Y-yeah?" I sniffled and wiped my nose with my shirt sleeve. Now it was his turn to stay quiet, save for his fucking chewing. "What in God's name are you eating right now?"

"Shrooms." He swallowed.

What? Like…? "You mean-?"

"Yeah, so anyway, I don't know if you should come here, you know? Seeing as how you didn't talk to me for basically a month and now you're thinking it's okay to call me in the middle of a party and make me feel a bunch of shit. That's pretty cool right? That's pretty fun, right? I'm gonna hang up now."

The line went silent and so did my entire world.

--

I pretended to smile when I was around Quinn. I pretended that I was supportive of Johnny and so happy for him. I only cried when they were over at Jae's house. I hadn't let them in my room and see what a disaster it was. It was closed at all times. I tried my best to keep up my facade and hoped that Johnny had too. If Jae knew anything it would fuck everything up and all would have been for naught. I didn't know how to ask him or if I really even should. Maybe I was keeping up this glamour for myself. So I could pretend that everything was fine and lie to myself instead of Quinn. Maybe it was all for the sake of my sanity.

I had found a slightly better job and quit the Italian restaurant. This one paid more and all I had to do was sit as a desk and listen to people complain about their orders and why it wasn't there on time. It was annoying to take so many calls a day and even worse for my fucking mood disorder. Hearing these people whine fucking drove me up the wall and I chain smoked every lunch break to try and keep it together. I couldn't lose this job. Because it paid so much more than I was used to I was finally able to set money aside. My savings account was looking pretty decent and that was why I wanted to go see him. I could afford to and maybe we could talk it out.

I was on my fourth cigarette since I got home and a quarter into my bottle of bourbon when I got a call. I wasn't really paying attention to who it was, i just answered when I heard the buzzing. "Yeah?"

"Hey."

It was him. I fumbled and almost spilled my paint cup that was filled with swirls of reds and purples. I managed to stop it from falling over and ruining the current piece I was working on. I kicked the canvas away gently and wiped my hands on my already paint covered thighs. "U-uh...um...h-hi."

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing, just uh…" I swayed a little and leaned back against my bed to support myself. I was starting to get the spins. "Just chilling in my room. Why?"

"Talk to me."

"Are you high?"

"Not right now, no." His voice sounded raspy, as if he had just woken up.

"Where are you?"

"My bed. Where are you? Oh...wait. You already said that."

"Are you ok?" I asked.

"Are you?"

"No."

"Me either."

He cleared his throat. "'m sorry about last night. I was at a party and-"

"Since when have you started doing other drugs?"

"Hm? Oh...I mean...it wasn't the first time. I've done it before."

"And you never told me?"

"It was before we met. Don't worry about it. You still drinking?"

"Yeah, I'm still fucking drinking." I scoffed.

"I know. I can hear it in your voice. You're getting there."

"Yeah, well...shit happens."

"You really want to come here?"

"Do you really want me there?"

He took a deep breath and went silent again. "Yes."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"I can be there. I can ask for time off. I have enough vacation time."

"Come here. Come to me. Be in my arms. Be on top of me..." He exhaled slowly. "Kiss me."

"It still hurts Johnny."

"I fucking know that already. Trust me."

"Have you told Jae about what's going on with us?"

"No, not really. Told him I've been busy. That I love him. That kind of stuff."

"I haven't told Quinn. I kinda just...pretend."

"You always pretend."

"And you don't?" I snapped 

"Of course I do." He chuckled. "We always pretend that everything's okay. And that's when we tip back a drink or smoke and destroy ourselves together. Don't you remember? That night after we fucked...we just sat against the wall of the bedroom and drank half a bottle of whiskey and just laughed about shit. I got high and you smoked like half a pack. And then I ate you out so good you came twice."

I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face in them. I hadn't expected him to say that, to bring that up. "I laughed so hard and cried until I had a mental breakdown."

"Yup. And what did we do after?"

"You wiped my tears and fucked me again and I held onto you so fucking tight because I didn't want you to let me go."

"I remember the scratches. Those weren't orgasmic scratches. Those were in pain scratches."

"I know." I sniffled and punched the side of my thigh over and over so I could redirect my thoughts to not crying.

"Come here. I want to have another night like that with you."

"That was a bad night Johnny…"

"It was and it wasn't. The bad stuff makes us closer and we understand each other better."

"I don't want a bad night. I want a good night. I want only good night's with you."

"We'll have good night's. We will. We'll talk about shit...that's what you want right?" He asked.

"You need to want it to johnny!"

"I do want it! Don't fucking yell at me! I mean I'm fucking asking you to come here. What else do you think I want?"

"Fine, I'll fucking get a ticket tonight and I'll go for like a week."

"Fine. Fucking sounds good to me."

"Fine!" What the hell was happening? We're we mad about seeing each other or not? I laid down on the floor and set the phone down, putting it on speaker. My head was hurting so much and now I had to ask for time off and plan everything by myself. "Can I come at any time or do you have to ask for time off?"

"I can get a couple days off. The rest I might have to work but you can sleep in and I'll be back by the time you wake up. Maybe come on a Thursday and leave on a Wednesday? I don't work weekends unless there's an event and I don't have a weekend event for a bit."

"Ok, I'll ask my job and I'll buy the ticket as soon as I know."

"'mmkay. Sounds good."

We were quiet again and I hated it. "I guess I'll talk to you later." I said, bitterly.

"Okay...if you wanna. I love you, yeah?"

It was the first time I had heard him say it in a long time and it made my heart clench and I started crying again. Goddammit, I could fill a fucking ocean with how much i cried for this man. I went back to hitting my thigh to try and distract myself from it. "I love you too."

"Do you want to...stay on the phone with me, maybe? I haven't heard what's going on with you. You haven't really posted on IG or anything in awhile."

"I don't want people to really look into my life right now. I've been kind of a recluse… You're...partying I guess."

"Ehh, kind of. Every once in awhile. I still have to keep my job right?" He chuckled. "It's been um...really rough without you."

"Yeah I...we...yeah…" He cleared his throat again and I heard him sniff a bit. "Johnny don't you dare."

I heard his voice crack and that was the end. We were two fucking cry babies thousands of miles away from each other and wanting to give up everything just to be together. I wanted to make it work with him. I loved him too damn much to give up now.

--

I was nervous when I stepped out of the airport. California had a weird vibe to it and I wasn't sure if I liked it or not yet. I could deal with cities, hell I lived in one for like half my life, but this was weird, even for just an airport. I looked around trying to find Johnny from the directions he had texted me. I felt so lost and was ready to call him until I saw him looking around as well. "Johnny!"

His head whipped around and a big smile beamed on his face. I ran to him, almost dropping my luggage because I really didn't care anymore. I just wanted him. He gave me a monstrous hug and spun me around, squeezing me as tight as he could. I almost couldn't breathe. His arms felt so much stronger, especially when I grabbed onto his biceps.

He set me down and cupped my face to kiss me hard, before I could even say anything. I had almost forgotten how warm and soft his lips were and definitely got harshly reminded of how much his tongue filled my mouth. Jesus...why did he feel so much bigger? "A-ahmm...j-johnny u-um…"

"Hmm?" His hands were already grabbing at my hips and I pawed him away.

"We're in public, you slut."

"Sorry, sorry. I couldn't help it. You-" He stopped mid sentence and looked me over. I stood up a bit straighter unsure of what he was looking for 

"What?"

"You're skinny."

"Excuse me?"

"Like skinnier. You were kinda chubby before I left."

"EXCUSE ME?!"

"No! I mean, like, it's not a bad thing I just-! Like you look hot! I mean you looked hot before too but-"

"Stop fucking talking before I get on that plane and go right the fuck home." I growled.

"Ugh, I'm sorry. That came out all wrong. What I meant to say was that...you look beautiful."

"Yeah that better be what you meant to say, asshole." I punched his arm but shook my knuckles out immediately after. Why was it so damn hard? Now it was my turn to give him the once over and I realized he was bigger. Definitely more filled out and muscular. His pants were straining at his thighs, like usual but even more so. His arms were more defined and he looked like he could throw me against a wall and I would say thank you. I could clearly see the veins in his arms and I was ready to die right there. "O-oh…" was all I managed to squeak out.

"What? Wait are you checking me out now?" He laughed. "You think I'm fat?"

"No…" I shifted, a bit self conscious of myself now. "You're hot, like always." How many girls had tried to hit on him since he moved here? Ugh, I never thought of something like that before. I wasn't really the jealous type...was I? Well...maybe a little.

He picked up my luggage and put an arm around my shoulders. "Cmon, we've got to check into the hotel."

"Hotel? Why aren't we just staying at your place?" I asked.

"Uh...well...I just wanted it to be special you know? Just me and you."

"Oh you have roommates?"

"Sorta…"

Suddenly I was staring in front of an ugly ass blue van with rust stains on the bottom and scratches along the doors. I was even more surprised when Johnny shoved a key into the lock and slid back the door. I peeked in as he set my luggage behind the passenger seat and saw a mattress in the back, a tension rod holding his clothes up on the opposite door and all his tech stuff hidden beneath the back seat. Curtains covered most of the windows and there was a huge bag of laundry behind the driver's seat. "Ready?" He asked.

I looked at the van then at him then at the van again. "Are you living out of your fucking car?"

"No, well...yes and no. Not entirely. Rent here is kind of ridiculous and I promised jae I would still pay my half of the rent for the apartment while I was gone. So I pay for that, the car, the insurance, my gym membership so I can work out and get ready in the morning there, and then sometimes I stay at my friend's place when I need to cook or do laundry. Hence the...hotel." He cleared his throat and shut the door quickly. "Well, let's get in."

I couldn't believe this. He went all the way to California for this?? What the absolute fuck? He opened the door for me and I stepped in without another word because I knew that if I talked I would say something I would regret. He got into the driver's seat and cut the engine on, leaving a trail of exhaust fumes behind us. He held my hand and stroked his thumb across the back of it, still smiling as he drove  "Are you hungry?"

"No, not right now. Maybe we can order something later? I'm a bit jetlagged." I lied.

"Yeah, whatever my princess wants."

I felt my cheeks flush a bit when I heard him say that. It was different in person than over text and it still made me shiver. I looked over at him as he drove one handed. He was still so heart stoppingly gorgeous and even though I had a bunch of questions and irritations about the van I realized that wasn't what was important right now. I was with my Johnny and we were trying to make things right again. That was what was most important. I gave his hand a squeeze and closed my eyes, letting him take us to where we needed to go. When we got to the "hotel" however, I found that it was just a generic motel chain and not anything remotely nicer. It was a bit of a let down and I tried not to be too materialistic but damn if I didn't want this to be a little more special. He opened the door for me and got my luggage out. We went to our room which was just a small ways from the car. The inside was plain, brown, white sheets on the bed. Nothing spectacular. He went back to get his own bag and lock the car before both of us were in the room, alone at last. 

I kicked off my wedges and sat on the bed which seemed a little too hard for my liking. We were quiet for a moment. I was too busy staring at my feet dangling off the bed to notice that he was now in front of me, pushing me down gently and crawling on top of me. "Hey." He whispered as he pushed my hair back and ran his fingers down the side of my face.

"H-hi." I looked at him then drove my eyes away.

"Do you want to kiss me?"

"I want to do a lot of things to you." I confessed.

"Oh yeah? Like what?" He teased before placing soft pecks against my lips. "Tell me."

"Um...can I just go freshen up a bit?" I squirmed away from him and wiggled myself off the bed. 

"Um...ok. Are you alright? Do you not want to?" He reached his hand out to me and I just patted it awkwardly.

"No I do I just...give me a couple minutes, ok?"

"Sure, babe…"

I grabbed my luggage and sped to the bathroom, almost a hyperventilating mess. I was so nervous! Why the fuck was I nervous? He's my boyfriend. He's seen me every which way. He's put me in all sorts of positions. We've made so many messes and yet...my stomach was churning and I was getting butterflies just thinking about him being so much bigger than I was and looking down at me. It just reminded me of our first hookup almost an entire year ago. Jesus, we had known each other for a year? I took a deep breath and looked at myself in the mirror. Ok, just...get ready for a sexy night like normal. You can do this Eri.

I took a quick shower, washing just the important parts and making sure not to get water on my face. I didn't want to do my entire makeup look all over again. Once I was done I brushed my teeth, reapplied some of my makeup and made sure I smelled like a yummy dessert with the perfume and lotion I put on. I was constantly wondering if I was doing too much but it was whatever. I was going to make sure he was reminded of what had been waiting for him back home. I slipped on my new half shelf bra that barely held me in and his favorite garter and thigh high set that had to be washed so many times because of how much he came on them. I gave myself the once over and made sure I looked ok before cracking the door open slightly.

He had pulled his shirt over his head and I could see every dip and ripple of his back muscles as he worked to undo his belt and shuffle his jeans down. I had to squint just to be sure but it looked like he was wearing red silk boxers. This whole nerd. I fussed over myself one last time before opening the door completely. I had expected him to still be standing but he was sprawled out in some cheesy "sexy" pose with a plastic rose in his mouth until his jaw dropped. "Oh my god, what are you doing, you dork?! Where's you get that flower from?"

He spit and wiped his mouth. "It was in the vase over there. I think it had dust on it. I didn't realize and...wow."

"Why are you such a dummy?" I crawled onto the bed and sat beside him, blushing still. "So...what do you think?"

"I can't think. What is thinking? Boobs." He made no point in hiding his staring.

I shoved his head away playfully. "Idiot. Yes, my boobs are here for you to look at."

"Touch."

"Yes, that too. Oh my god." I grabbed him by his chin and tilted his head up for a kiss. "I missed how much you make me laugh."

"I missed…" He grabbed my thighs and pulled them from beneath me so he could take his place above me again once I fell onto my back. His hands joined mine and pinned them beside my head. "Everything about you."

"I have a few rules for tonight." 

"Oh? Is there something you don't wanna do?"

"The opposite. Your rules are that you have to make me squirt, you have to choke me, you have to let me ride your face, you have to AT LEAST finger my ass, and if you do all that you can cum in me every time."

His eyes went wide. "Ev-every time? You'd let me do that?"

"Yeah, I took some extra precautions."

"Like what?"

"Well one, I just got my new birth control implant in so my arm doesn't fucking hurt anymore and two I got spermicide film."

"Yah what?"

I rolled my eyes. "Basically it's something I put on the inside and it kills the sperm on contact. So no cretins running around. We just have to wait a bit for it to dissolve but that's what foreplay is for, right?"

"Mhmm…" He licked his lips and started pressing kisses down my neck. "You're fucking amazing. I can't wait to fill you up so damn good."

"Eww don't say that." I giggled and smooshed his face away then rolled over onto my stomach beneath him. He instantly set his bulge against my ass and ground into me.

"Wait do I really have to finger your ass?" He said in between kisses across my shoulders and down my back.

"It would be nice since you still haven't done it yet. And I told you it's not "icky" like you think it is."

He groaned. "Ok, if I do it you swear I can cum in you?"

"Absolutely promise, love. I even bought toys to help you out. I mean, you love my ass so much why don't you play with it?"

"Ok, ok, fine. I'll agree to it. But just this once."

"Trust me, you'll want to do it again." I smirked as backed myself up against him, rubbing over the front of his boxers. "I like the silk by the way. Super cute."

He groaned and gripped my hip roughly, pressing into the spot that always drove me wild. I let out a small whimper and shoved my face into the mattress as my body felt tingly all over. "What toys did you bring?" I could hear the smirk in his voice as he continued to grind and keep his weight on top of me.

"U-um, just a vibrator, some lube, and a-ahh! Hmm...a dildo. Some other stuff."

"Why the dildo?" He nipped at my ear and traced his tongue over my lobe.

"I thought maybe if you didn't want to um...fuck me there I could just play with it."

"Your ass, you mean?"

I gripped the sheets tighter and rocked back harder against him. He hadn't let go of my hip and I was already getting flushed all over. "Uh-huh."

"How big is it?" He worked me onto my knees and spread them as wide as my hips would allow. His fingers had all the access he wanted to work up and down my slit, feeling the wetness that had just begun to form.

"U-um like...7 inches or-" I shuddered and wanted to snap my legs shut when he teased my entrance with a small poke. "S-so…"

"You can take all that there?"

I nodded. "I've done it before. I just need a little bit of help is all."

"And that help is me stretching you open?" He dipped the entirety of his finger inside me now and I bowed my back, hissing slightly. "Why are you so needy right now?"

"Well I haven't had sex since you left. Why the fuck do you think I'm needy? Aren't you the same?"

He didn't answer me and instead thrust his finger in deeper. "You're so small, you know that? You look extra tiny right now."

"We get it, Suh, you have a size kink." I grumbled and tried to move back on his finger but he pulled it away.

"You gonna behave?"

I pouted and gave him a glare. "Don't you dare tease me. That's not part of the rules."

"Let me implement some of my own rules then. One, I get to tease you all I want and I mean taking hours just to lick and kiss you everywhere and not letting you cum at all. Two, you let me face fuck you. Did you bring that spray stuff?"

I scoffed and looked away. "Tch, yeah...or whatever."

"Good. Three, let's make a movie."

I shot up entirely and shoved him away. "WHAT?!"

"Don't make it a big deal. It's just for you and me only. I'm lonely without you here and I can watch it when I miss you the most."

"It is a big deal! Don't you remember what fucking happened to me?!" I yelled.

"Yeah but I'm not stupid or an asshole. I'm your boyfriend. I don't even want anyone to look at you sexually let alone see you naked or getting rawed. I'd be furious. This is just for you and me."

"N-no...i-i don't know, Johnny. If we break up i-"

"We're not breaking up...I thought we were but I'm glad we're not." He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my shoulder. "It's not getting uploaded anywhere. It's going on my password protected photo app. No one can get into it but me. I swear, Eri."

"What if I want to stop it?"

"Then we stop it, duh. There's no reason to keep going if you're uncomfortable. We can at least try it for a bit. We're both doing new things tonight. We can celebrate."

"And if I don't like it, you'll delete it right?"

"You can delete it from my phone yourself. You're safe with me babe. Trust me." He held me tighter and nuzzled his face against against my neck.

"I'm nervous…"

"What? Don't be! It's just me, princess. I make you feel good, don't I?" I nodded meekly and played with the band of my thigh highs. "We can get going for a bit then I'll turn it on so that way you're really feeling it. Sound good?"

"O-ok." I agreed, still a little reluctant. But he was right. Maybe we could at least try.

"Good," He laid down, stuffing pillows behind his head and beckoning me over. "Come here, angel."

I shuffled over to straddle him, setting my knees on either side of his head. I propped my hand on the wall and looked down at him as he licked his lips. His arms wrapped around my thighs and held me in place. His face was buried against me in no time, diving his tongue into me as his nose brushed against my clit. I sucked in a sharp breath and let my other hand fall into his hair. "J-johnny, fuck...I missed your tongue."

He only hummed against me and flicked his tongue faster, slurping lewdly and licking up the length of my slit. His hands slid up and down my thighs, over my hips and stomach, and towards my chest. He grabbed each of my breasts and squeezed, rubbing his thumbs over my nipples. My fingers fisted his hair and pulled as I needed him more and more. I rocked my hips against his face, already feeling the effects he had on me. He parted for just a moment to take in a breath. "Just a sec."

"S-sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's ok. I'm fine now. You taste good. I want more."

"Shut up. No I don't. You're just say-" I gasped as he devoured me further. He caressed my body, hands flowing back down so his thumbs could spread my lips apart. The tip of his tongue painted intimate patterns into me, making me shudder and moan his name loudly. I didn't care anymore if I was loud or not. I needed this like it was my own personal drug. My toes dug into the mattress as I rolled my hips faster, getting closer to falling over the edge. He pulled away again and I figured he needed more air but instead he pushed my hips downward, making me rest over his boxers. "What the hell?!" I pouted.

"Grind on me."

"I was about to cum."

"Didn't I say that I get to tease you without making you cum at all? Now start." I huffed and slid his boxers off, revealing the girth underneath. I worked my hand over the length, wrapping my fingers around his shaft and giving him a good squeeze. "Not what I asked for."

"Fuck off." I hovered over his cock and planted my hands on his chest before I rode my wetness up and down from head to base. His eyes closed and his head fell back into the pillows, his whole body relieving itself of tension. I loved watching him sink into bliss; seeing that shit eating grin on his face because he knew he was getting what he wanted. He settled his hands behind his head and chuckled a bit as my hole brushed over the most sensitive part of him. I teased him by sinking down onto his tip, just a few centimeters or so, before sliding back down and never letting him enter me. Johnny knew that I would tease him just as much as he would tease me. Two could always play that game of course.

I pressed my chest to his, lowering myself just close enough that I could lick his lips. I swiped my tongue across his bottom lip and he easily let me in. Our tongues collided and I drew his in to suck on deeply. It morphed into deeper kisses where I could scarcely breathe and we would exchange licks and sucks in the dirtiest ways. One of his hands grabbed the back of my head while the other grabbed my ass, controlling all of my movements. I was his to fuck, his to play with, and his to love unconditionally. I managed to break away from him for a moment, panting against his lips. "Do you want to be inside me now?"

"Hmm, in a bit. Let me get my tripod. Get up."

Oh right. That. I scooted off him and wiped my lips that were still tender. I could taste myself on his tongue and wondered why he liked it so much. I unhooked my bra and tossed it aside before heading back to the bathroom where I had left my luggage. I dug through my clothes and pulled out all the naughty things I had brought with me, taking them back to the bed. His phone was all set up on the tripod ready to go.  "Tell me what I should do first." I propped myself on all fours, waiting for his answer. 

"Better get the spray out." He smirked.

"Of course, you slut." I spritzed a bit of the numbing spray into my mouth, wincing at the overly strong peppermint taste. "Blegh. It feels like toothpaste down my throat."

"Well hopefully my dick will make it better." He tapped record on his phone and told me to come to the edge of the bed. I was just at the perfect height for where he wanted me and I opened my mouth, sticking my tongue out. His gripped his base and rubbed the head of his cock against my tongue, swirling it a bit. I wrapped my lips around him and suckled on the sensitive area and the soft curse he let out warmed every inch of my skin. I set my hands on his hips and flowed back to grab a hold of his ass to steady myself.

He thrust into my mouth, slowly at first, getting me used to the stretch within my lips. Every few minutes or so he would push in further until he touched the back of my throat. It was a slightly uncomfortable feeling but I didn't gag thanks to the spray. Instead he remained nestled in for a while until he looked down at me. "Ready?"

I was already thinking about how sore my throat was going to be tomorrow but I nodded against him. He gripped the back of my head with both hands and pulled out slowly before plunging straight in. I dug my nails into his skin as my nose brushed against his lower stomach and he destroyed my throat. He didn't let up on his speed and I struggled to breathe through my nose. I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt tears already prickling at the corners of my eyes. He fumbled through obscene curses and almost incoherent mumbles, the pleasure of my mouth wrapped around him seeming to drive him insane. I tapped on his hip, signaling to let me go. He pulled out completely and I worked to clear the saliva between us.

He dragged his thumb across my lips to clean me up as well. "You okay?" I nodded and swallowed hard. "You sure?" I nodded again and pulled him back to me, opening my mouth for another round. "Good girl."

My body lit up at the praise and I held my head a little higher, squaring myself and gripping the edge of the bed. He worked his way back in, feeding himself into me and wreaking havoc on my taste buds. I managed to look up at him and realized he had been staring down at me the whole time. I darted my eyes away though he tapped my chin to get me to look back up. His big hand was suddenly engulfing my throat and added accompanying pressure to the point where I felt light headed. "You look so good like this, you know that?" I heard him say. My body was almost swaying and I tried to keep my frame firm but it wasn't any use. My eyes fluttered closed and I leaned into his hand until my breath was non existent. "Eri?" My hearing was fuzzy but I felt myself wanting to smile, whether I was doing it or not, I didn't know. The feeling of not being able to breathe and floating into an unconscious space was always thrilling but I was ripped from me just as it started getting good. 

He pulled back again, letting his grip on me fade and I took in a large gulp of air, falling into a coughing fit. He walked away from me to go to the mini fridge within our room and get a small bottle of water. He handed it to me and I took it graciously, downing it in seconds. He stopped the recording and sat down beside me. "You good? You looked like you were going to faint or something. I got scared."

"I'm okay, I just got lightheaded."

"Fuck, it was too much then, wasn't it?"

I leaned against his shoulder and giggled. "No, I like getting lightheaded when I'm being choked."

He scoffed. "Of course you do. Don't scare me like that though, ok? Maybe were not completely ready for the face fucking." 

"I'm sorry, baby. I liked it, I really did and I didn't think I would. It's just kinda like another form of choking." I nudged my head just under his chin and rubbed his broad chest. "Maybe we can try again a little later too?"

"It was pretty hot. You looked so damn good." He licked his lips then kissed me briefly before commanding me to lay down. He made me hold my legs open while he retrieved the bottle of lube from the small pile of things I had brought over. I watched as he added a small glob to his fingers and pressed it to my rim. "I guess we can start this now."

"You sure you're okay with it?" I asked, not wanting to force him to do anything he didn't want to.

"I might as well try it. I mean, I never thought it was really hot or sexy but you are so maybe I'd like it. You think it would make you squirt?"

"I've never done it with just anal but maybe if we add some other stuff it might. It'll be fun to find out." I grabbed his other hand and folded my fingers into his, giving the back of it a chaste kiss.

He returned the kiss to my stomach and took a deep breath. "I have to go slower, right? Like it'll hurt more if I don't?"

"Right. It's just like fingering me regularly just a little more cautious. You'll be ok." I assured him.

"What if it feels gross?"

"Oh my god, Johnny, it will not feel gross. I swear."

He scrunched up his nose and didn't move. I sighed and set my legs down. "You don't have to do- OH WELL OK THEN!" I felt him press into me, his fingertip wiggling its way inside.

"Keep your legs open, dammit."

"Ya could've warned me!"

"You wanted me to do this anyway so hush!" I reopened my legs and noticed that he was blushing through his face of deep concentration. He was even poking his tongue out a bit. It was cute but now I was a bit afraid of how thick his fingers were."How many do you want in here?"

"Three usually works. But not all at once!"

"I know that! Just calm down! You're making me feel weird." I kept quiet then, closing my eyes and trying to relax around his finger. He let my hand go to gently brush his thumb over my clit, letting me focus on that sensation until his entire finger finally poked through. "Huh."

"What "huh"?"

"Kinda feels a bit weird. Not like a normal vagina."

"Well duh," I said. "Probably because it's NOT a vagina??"

"Eri, Jesus Christ." He slammed his lips against mine then in order to keep me quiet as he started to slowly thrust his finger. 

"You're being a fuckboy again." I said in between a few kisses.

"No, I'm just being me. We can be weird and casual in bed." He nipped at my bottom lip and curled his finger gently. "Am I doing it right?"

"Y-yeah," I wrapped my arms around his ribcage and nudged my thigh between his legs. "Feels nice. You'll need some more lube for the second one though."

"I know." He swallowed hard and pressed his cock against the fabric of the thigh highs, beginning to rub against it. "Just give me a sec...fuck…" That always got him going; a begging and needy prince that wanted to fuck my thighs and grind against them until he made a mess. It had become my favorite thing for us to do just because I loved his change in demeanor. He was hiding in my neck, whimpering slightly and kissing me in the softest of ways. I pushed his hair back and encouraged him not to forget about his finger deep inside me. He had stopped as he had gotten distracted with his grinds that were gradually getting faster.

"You know you're not allowed to cum this way, no matter how much you want to." I whispered.

He nodded and sunk a small bite into my neck. "I-i know b-but-!"

"No but's Johnny. You know the rules." He had the biggest pout on his face and I couldn't help but giggle. "Someone's a little submissive."

"I am not submissive. I just like cumming on your thighs."

"But do you like cumming inside me more?" It was like he was weighing the pros and cons of each situation, never before encountering it. He opened his mouth to speak then shut it, his brows furrowing again in thought. I smirked and grabbed the bottle of lube and dangled it in front of his face. "While you're thinking it over how about you get to work stretching me more."

He sighed and snatched the bottle from me, pulling out his finger then adding lube to them both. He was even slower as he tried to pry in again. It had been so long since I had done this and I was too tight for comfort. It was going to be some time before I opened up full. The fingertips did eventually get in, making me gasp and mewl like a kitten in heat. I arched up, pressing my thigh against him harder and sliding my hand down my body to thrust inside my wetness. "Damn, is this what you're like every time you do anal?" 

"Shut up...I just kinda like...um...both holes filled at the same time."

"Ooohhh. Is that your fantasy?"

"To get fucked by two guys and eat out a girl at the same time? Yeah. I mean if you would've went with the foursome idea at christmasssss..."

"Hm." He shoved his fingers into me fully making me cry out.

"F-fuck! Johnny! You asshole!" The stinging pain was somewhat strong but the masochist in me wasn't running away from it. They were working faster, curling against the tightness and scissoring me open. I held onto his wrist, making sure he was pinned in place. I didn't want him to leave, I couldn't bear the thought of him stopping just to tease me again. I was pumping my own fingers into myself faster, my breaths war torn and ragged. He was grinding harder against my thigh, rubbing against the mesh and bringing moans out of him so deep that I wanted to scream. I fucking missed this so much; making him moan, whimper, beg, pant. Everything. It just brought me back to how much his voice made me quiver with orgasms since before I even met him.

"I need you, Eri. Now."

"Just a little more. Please. I want you too but just a little more!" I bit down on my lip as my other hand grasped the sheets between us. He was peeved that I wouldn't let him inside me just yet but by the way he was throbbing and leaving a wet patch on the fabric between us I could tell he was enjoying the show. He edged another finger inside me and we matched three for three. Both sets of fingers filling me had my holes clamping in eagerness to cum. The edge of my palm brushed against my clit while his thick fingers curled deeper inside me, circling against pleasure points and spaces that reawakened after so long. And then he pulled away and shoved my hand aside. "God fucking dammit Johnny!!" All he could do was laugh and I wanted to punch him in the chest. "Really?!"

"Yeah, you're hot when you're sexually frustrated." I watched him leave me to tap the record button again. He then returned to prop himself against the wall, his lap welcoming me to sit on it. He patted his thighs and I crossed my arms, my lips in full pouting mode. "Hah! Don't give me that shit. You want it bad. You're not gonna be a brat for long. Get over here, Eri."

"No! You're being a jerk!"

"You wanna cum don't you?" I glanced over as he said those words lower and definitely more enticing. His hand was wrapped around his cock and adding slow strokes to his shaft. His tongue poked out to graze his bottom lip and I hated that he was trying to win me over. I couldn't resist the way he looked when he had his legs open like that, hair sticking slightly to his forehead, and his broad chest heaving slightly. Droplets of precum slid down onto his fingers as he gave his head a squeeze, hissing as his teeth sucked in air. "Princess...come here."

Oh fuck you. I caved in and straddled his lap, lowering my gaze to his length. I set my hand over his and guided him towards my entrance, slowly sinking down until he filled me completely. We stood still for a moment, almost in shock at how amazing it felt. It was way different from when he wasn't feeling sexual when he first started his meds. We got to be intimate on other levels and though I craved him I was still mostly patient and comforted him. This was months of sadness, anger, hatred, pain, and heart wrenching love that had culminated into a burst of sexual frustration and passion all at once. I didn't need anything but him. In fact if we stayed holed up in this shitty motel the entire week I think I would be able to survive off his kisses alone.

"Move, for the love of fucking god, move." He begged. He was just as desperate as I was and I gave into his command before he even finished his sentence. I held onto his shoulders and worked through the burning in my thighs to bounce quickly. Feeling him plunge deep and fill me with every inch of his girth was a gift I was more than happy to accept. I noticed him fumbling his hands behind me but barely gave it any thought. I was too entranced by chasing my pleasure and hoping he wouldn't pull away again. That was when I felt something poking at my rim. I gasped as he pushed it through, stuffing me with the dildo in an act I'd never thought he'd do.

"B-baby, w-wha-what are you-?"

He gripped the back of my neck and growled against my lips. "Fuck yourself on them both."

I swallowed hard and nodded, switching my movements to swift rolls of my hips so I could catch both cocks on a heated rhythm. Johnny moved the dildo faster, almost as fast as his hips were snapping up into me now. I cupped his jaw and landed sloppy, half met kisses to his lips which he reciprocated with bites and licks to my tongue whenever he could. I was a literal mess and at his mercy. His free hand tore into my ass cheek, creating half moon indentations in my skin. I heard a thud then and realized his head had collided with the wall as he tried to move it back. "Ouch! Shit."

I giggled in between pants and cradled his head. "You're always knocking your head on something when we fuck. Are you ok?"

"Yeah yeah yeah, just keep going. I'm an idiot."

"My idiot." I gently rubbed the back of his head and held him close to my chest, setting my other hand against the wall. I mewled as my skin seemed to break with how rough he was digging his teeth in but it was fucking beautiful. With how much he had teased me and with all the sensory overload he was providing now, my orgasm was quick to come. When I rolled my hips, my clit would rub against his base and added to everything that was destroying me. That little motion was enough to have me dousing his lower stomach and thighs with my cum that gushed out in heavy spurts. My hand flew to cover my mouth and stop my scream from bursting through. It was so intense, too intense even, and I scrambled to pull away from him as my body curled up and I felt trembling aftershocks.

I could only curse and bury my face into the bed, my fist ripping the bedsheet from the corner of the mattress. Johnny hovered over me, tossing the dildo aside and trying to pry my legs open. "Nonononono." I whimpered as I was still too sensitive. I didn't want him to drive me into another orgasm that soon. I didn't think my body could take it. But he was inside me again, my hands pinned by my head as he slammed into me. I could barely look up at him but he was hovering over me, casting a shadow against the ceiling light and somehow seeming much bigger than before. "I love you…" He gasped out. "Cum with me this time."

I sure as hell would try. My walls were weak and anything could send me over the edge again. I closed my eyes as I felt him throb then stutter, a warmth filling my belly and simultaneously flowing out of me. I felt tears prickling at my eyes as my second flow of cum spread onto the sheets beneath us. He collapsed onto me and I held onto him so tight as the tears finally fell. My mind was a sea of emptiness. No thoughts filtered through and I just wanted to stay in this moment with him forever. I closed my eyes and let our heartbeats slow down until our breaths steadied. "God…" I whispered. "That was…"

"All I ever wanted and more." He pushed back his sweat drenched hair and gave me a small kiss. "Are you crying?"

"Oh." I wiped my eyes quickly. "Not sad crying. Like it was just a lot at once and it felt so good. I don't know. It just...happened." I laughed.

"Weirdo." He smiled. "Oh shit, the video." 

"Shut it off." 

"Well I don't wanna pull out yet."

"Fine, just shuffle with me until you can reach it." We looked stupid scooting our bodies close to the edge of the bed just so he could stop the video and take his phone off the tripod. I sighed as he sat back and made sure my legs were wide open.

"This is why I didn't want to pull out yet. I want to see it drip out of you." He held the phone above me and I rushed to cover myself.

"That's embarrassing, you giant pervert!!"

"No it's not! It's so damn hot. Please? Pleaseeeeee??" He covered my face in silly little kisses, trying his best to convince me.

"What is up with you suddenly becoming a porn director?!" I grumbled.

"I told you, it's because I miss you and I can only think about you when I jack off. But with this I can see us together and it will be so much more intense when I cum. I can see and hear how good I made you feel. The sounds you make are something else."

"O-oh…" My face flared up as I hadn't expected him to say all of that. "You are so lucky I love you more than anything. And I know you would raise hell if anybody else saw me like this. Fine, pull out."

I heard the beep of the video begin and covered my face as he moved. I felt his cum flow out of me, more so when I clenched my pelvic floor to push it out. He let out a deep moan of satisfaction and used his thumb and index finger to spread my lips apart, making me even more flustered. "Are you done yet?" I mumbled behind my hands.

"No." He dragged his fingers through his cum and nudged my hands away. "Open." I kept my eyes closed but opened my mouth, taking in his fingers that rubbed the bitter musk over my taste buds. He spread his fingers across my tongue, pinching it slightly before plunging to the back of my throat. I winced and moved my head away. The numbing spray had worn off and I wasn't into vomiting all over my boyfriend. He pulled away and stopped the third clip. "Damn."

I sat up and sighed. "Can you clean this up? I don't really wanna move."

"Yeah, I got you." I adjusted myself to lay down on my side of the bed while Johnny plugged his phone in to charge and gathered up the things we had made a mess on. I was already drifting into sleep, not even really caring about how sticky I was. "Is there anyway to clean a dildo without it feeling like you're jacking it off?!" I heard him call out from the bathroom.

"No!" I responded to his stupid question before turning my head away from the bathroom and falling asleep.

I woke up in the middle of my deep sleep after having the weirdest dream ever. I hated when I had dreams like that because I could never seem to get back to sleep until hours after. I sighed and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, pouting at my now awakened state. Johnny was spooning me, arm wrapped around my torso with his hand on one boob as usual. That I didn't mind that as much as i did his erection jabbing into my lower back. He was dead asleep too, I could tell by his snoring. How he managed to get hard while not even being awake, who knows. Maybe he was having a more pleasant dream that I had. But he needed to move if I wanted to be comfortable at all again.

I nudged my elbow against him and removed his arm from around me. "Johnny." I whispered. "Move over."

Nothing.

I sighed and whispered a little louder. "Johnny! Move over." I tapped his thigh, hoping to get his attention but all it did was make him grind into me. This man never stopped. "Johnathan. Please move."

He grumbled and nuzzled between my shoulder blades before pressing me onto my stomach. I huffed and turned my head to the side so the pillow wouldn't suffocate me. "Boy, if you don't get off me-" I gasped sharply as I felt him enter me, his head popping through instantly. "W-wrong hole!" I squeaked.

"Fuck...why is it so tight?" He rasped, voice still laced with sleep.

"You're in the wrong place!"

"Mhm-hm. It's where I wanna be."

Did he just…? Was he…? WHAT? "A-are you sure? You never liked this like ever be-" My words were taken from me as he sunk in deeper. I was still somewhat stretched out from him using the toy on me earlier but this was even heavier and thicker than that measly thing. He raised me to my knees and rubbed his hands all over my body.

"Was dreaming 'bout you."

"I-i can tell. U-um…" I was blushing hard as one of my fantasies with him was finally checked off the list. "Do you like it?"

"Not sure yet. Can I move?"

"Yes, please."

He pulled out slowly and sunk back in, testing the waters and gauging how we both felt. I was still in shock but craved more and I wondered what was going through his mind. Why did he have a sudden change of heart? Just wanted to explore? Maybe he liked what we had done earlier? Or perhaps he was doing it because he wanted to make something up to me, like leaving, in a way. Whatever it was this change of heart was giving me pleasure in a way no one had made me feel before. He held onto my hips tightly and soon I heard the familiar slapping of his hips against my ass. I closed my eyes again and let him take over and figure out what he liked and didn't like.

"Open your legs more."

My thighs already were still sore from earlier but I wiggled them apart as he pressed his hand firmly against my lower back. He wanted that deep feeling of being in my stomach and drawing moans out of me. It was one of my favorite things to do with him and it made my body tremble. "Baby...shit…" I mewled. "It's good. I told you it's good."

"Hmmm... Can I cum in here too?"

"Yeah, whatever you want. Do whatever you want to me, love."

"I like the sound of that." He pressed my hips back harder, slamming us together and taking me back to a whimpering mess. He reached over and clicked on the bedside table lamp. "Wanna see you." I didn't even protest and let him marvel in the way he was stretching my ass open. I was too wrapped up in how good it felt to even care. He pressed his chest to my back and nipped at my ear. "I wanna see you fuck yourself this time."

"A-ahh...with the dildo?" 

"Yeah." He moaned against my ear. "Fast. And. Deep." He landed each word with harsh thrusts that I could feel in my stomach. I noticed he had set the clean toys on the bedside table and I reached out for the dildo, shuffling it between me and the bed. Johnny sunk his teeth down onto the back of my neck just as I pressed the toy into me. My favorite sensation was back and I was thrust into a place of bliss and heightened senses. He controlled the speed of my thrusts for a moment, making sure I knew how he wanted me to fuck myself. I almost couldn't take it but he made it even worse when I heard the whir of the small bullet vibe I had brought. It was deadly in his hands, especially since he kept it firmly against my clit. I wanted to crumble beneath his weight but he wrapped his arm around my waist and linked his ankles over mine so I couldn't move an inch. I was trapped beneath his big body, helpless and begging for my release.

"That's my babygirl. You're doing so good for me." He cooed. I buried my face into the pillow, blushing at his sweet words. I was already flustered and he was making it worse. "Do you wanna cum for me?"

"Y-yes daddy." I said meekly.

"I know, and I want you to squirt again. I want you to cum so hard. So sensitive and overstimulated that you collapse and cant take anymore. I want that."

He worked the bullet into small circles which made my toes dig into the sheets. His hand that was around my waist slid down to cover mine, controlling the speed of every single one of my pleasure points. With both his hands between my thighs and his cock stuffed inside me, I gripped the pillow between my teeth, clenching hard as my body came full force for the third time that night. I felt my cum flow over my thighs and his hands, pitter-pattering onto the mattress. My nails clawed at the walls as he let the dildo go but kept the vibrator on me, keeping up the relentless torture. I screamed a chaotic monologue of "Daddy! Please! Daddy please!!", begging for him to ease up on my sensitivity but he didn't. Instead his hips drove all the way home, pounding harshly and creating an infestation of tremors throughout my entire being. Finally, the bullet stopped and dropped by my knee. 

Both of Johnny's hands were on my hips again as he chased his own orgasm, breathing hard in between growls and moans. I brought my hand to rest on his, squeezing my fingers against him tight. His cum rushed into me then, warming me like he had done before and making me feel absolutely full. He let me lower myself to the mattress and caved on top of me again, resting his head by mine. "Was us fucking always this amazing? I mean like yes but also like...this is some next level shit." He chuckled. "Eri?"

"I'm so tired, you asshole."

"Well I know your asshole is tired. Pretty much got plowed into oblivion."

"Uh, yeah, so...what was that about?" I asked curiously.

He huffed, trying to blow some of my curls away from his face. "I don't know...just...guess I should try stuff before I say I don't like it. I never found it sexy but your ass is perfect. It was like suffocating. Only with you babe."

"I feel so special. And also like I wanna die. I need to shower. I'm so sticky but I don't think I can move."

"I'll help you. Hold on." He slid out of me slowly, leaving my hole gaping and dripping with his cum. "Fuck…" he breathed. "I could watch that all day."

"Jooohhnnnyyyy!" I covered my head with the pillow, wanting to disappear forever every time he stared at my openings like that.

He tossed the pillow away and helped me sit up gently. "I just like teasing you."

My big pout didn't last long because he scooped me up in his arms bridal style and carried me to the bathroom. I held onto him tight, almost in disbelief. "Well damn daddy, just bench press me."

"Knowing you, you'd like that." He set me down gently in the shower and joined me before drawing the curtains and turning on the water. "I'm so glad you came, baby." He set his head on top of mine and wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

"I am too. I just want to be with you. No matter what."

--

The next morning (or afternoon, I wasn't really sure) I woke up with almost every inch of my body aching. My ass hurt, my legs hurt, all the bite marks hurt, my throat hurt. Having sex with Johnny was like getting hit by a freight train and trying to pick yourself back up from the aftermath. On top of that I was so damn hungry. I rolled over slowly and hit an empty spot instead of the warmth I expected. I felt around, trying to figure out if I was missing something before opening my eyes. He wasn't there. I sat up and looked around, perplexed as to where he went. "Looking for me?"

My head swiveled when I heard his voice. He was coming out of the bathroom, pulling his shirt over his head. "How ya feeling?"

"Like death." I croaked. "Where did you go?"

"To get you breakfast and a chai latte to try and make your throat better. I got your favorite. Strawberry pancakes, eggs, sausage, and chicken nuggets."

"Fuck yeah, nuggies." I giggled a bit and reached out for the latte. I definitely needed it to soothe my throat.

He tossed off his jeans and brought the bag of food to sit between us. I curled up against him instantly and nuzzled his shoulder. "Let me guess, you want me to feed you?" I nodded and gave him puppy dog eyes. He rolled his own and opened the containers cutting up the pancakes and feeding them to me. "I wanted to take you out later on if you're up to it?"

I chewed a bit then swallowed. "Take me where?"

"Shopping and stuff. We've got big malls here. Figured you'd like all the makeup stuff."

"Oh yeah? You gonna be my sugar daddy or something?"

He scoffed as he ate one of the nuggets. "More like generic store brand sucrose father."

I laughed and kissed his cheek. "You know you don't have to buy me anything right?"

He shrugged. "You just seemed kinda disappointed in the hotel and my car…"

"Well...I am, I mean I was. I just expected you to have more since this was your big internship, you know?"

"Yeah...well I like my van. I can go wherever I want and not have to be tied down. I've traveled along the coast and to different cities already. It was like this place was made for me. There's so much to do here. It's better then our college town."

"Right…" I said rather sadly.

"Babe, you know I do miss you. I don't want to be away from you and that's not what im trying to say right?"

"I know...I know. Let's just not focus on that right now I guess."

"I still wanna take you shopping. Get you looking all cute and shit. I'll carry your bags and all that." He fed me another bite of pancakes. "Is that ok?"

I felt bad. I didn't want him to think that he had to do this for me, especially not spend money to make me feel happy. "Johnny, I'm sorry about the van and the motel. You don't have to buy me anything. I don't want to be a materialistic bitch. That doesn't matter to me. I can stay in bed with you all day."

"Shut up. We're doing it. It's not just shopping. I can show you around too. You have to at least do other stuff on your vacation than just fuck me. Even though I'm about it."

"Ok, ok, sucrose father." He gave me a laughter filled kiss which I returned with hidden intentions. I swiped my tongue along his bottom lip and cupped the back of his neck.

"Mhm...baby...you want something." He said, seeing through me instantly. "Aren't you sore?"

"Not all that." I eased my way into his lap  "Just wanna warm you. That ok?"

"Hmm...only for a little bit."

I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck, settling my center over him. He held me close too and guided my hips to grind smoothly over him. I avoided his lips so we both wouldn't get too worked up, just enough for him to nestle  inside me and stay there for a little while. "Did you wanna do this this morning?"

"Yeah but you left." I pouted.

He swiped his thumb over my lip and I took it into my mouth, sucking gently. "I got you food didn't I? I made it up to you."

I laid my head on his shoulder while keeping his thumb in my mouth. I hummed a little response and lifted my hips for him to guide himself in. He pressed the head of his cock against my entrance and I sunk down slowly, wincing a bit at my tenderness but the feeling of him inside me made me all cozy and gushy with lovey feelings. Johnny scratched at my head gently and turned the TV on low, not minding me wanting to fall back asleep. "If you don't want to go shopping today, we can do it tomorrow. But my friends are also having a party tomorrow and I'd like it if you met them."

Blegh, socializing. Socializing with my boyfriend's friends. Socializing with people that weren't that great because he only had one good friend. I sighed internally and tried to gauge if I could really take in that much anxiety in one day. Probably not and I would be suffering the entire time but I would do it for him. I would do anything for him.

--

I squeezed Johnny's hand tightly as we walked up the stairs to this ridiculous baby mansion. I had never seen a house this huge before but I guess it's what happened when you were California dreamin'. There was way too many people already and I clung onto him tighter as my breath sped up. The music was way too loud and when I tried calling out to him he didn't hear me even though we we're right next to each other. So I continued to follow wordlessly as he did his social butterfly shit. He was saying hi to people he never mentioned to me and making his way through the crowd until he found a couch for us to sit on. He sat down and set me beside him, his arm loosely around my hips. About a dozen people were circled around us and a few people stared at me including this gorgeous girl who sent me a small smile. I straightened up a bit as I looked her over. She had beautiful skin, a little darker than mine, and braids going all the way down her back with some pink synthetic hair mixed in. She had the coolest punk vest on, all decked out in patches, studs, and distressing. I wanted to ask her about them but my social anxiety was making me shrink away.

Johnny didn't seem to notice our exchange at all. He was too busy laughing at something someone said before he got passed a joint. I rolled my eyes and propped my elbow on my knee, setting my chin in the palm of my hand. "You gonna be social or pout all night?" Johnny asked as he exhaled smoked.

I waved it away instantly. "I am being social, I'm here aren't I? Also you know I hate that stuff. Don't blow the smoke around me."

He rolled his eyes and took another hit before passing it onto the next person. "I would like you to at least talk a bit."

"And what you you like me to say Johnny? That I'd rather be in the hotel? Maybe grinding on you until you begged to be inside me? Do you want me to tell them that?" I was getting snippy because of this atmosphere. I never should've agreed to come but I didn't think it would be this bad.

"Don't be a smartass."

"I'm not. It's the truth."

He looked over at me and leaned in to whisper in my ear. "You need to behave and I mean it."

"Or what?" I challenged. "It's a lot for me to take in at once, ok? You of all people should fucking know how anxiety works."

"There's nothing to be anxious about. It's just a party. We gone to parties dozens of times. It's the same thing."

"It's not…" This was like some fashionista bullshit. Like high roller drugs and top tier liquor everywhere. All sorts of people dancing around through flashing lights and thumping music. It was overwhelming and I was uncomfortable seeing people snort coke off of tables or toss back unknown pills. I didn't know how Johnny could stand this either. This exact environment was the one that got him roped into trouble. I knew it affected him so why wasn't he showing it?

"Just chill and talk. These are my friends and it's important that everyone gets along."

And what if I don't like your friends? I wanted to scream. Why did I have to be friends with your friends? Were your friends the ones acting like fools and looking geeked out of their minds. I sure as hell would've thought you'd be smart enough to not be friends with them either. "Fine." Was all I actually said. "I will try."

Johnny turned away, releasing his arm from around my hips to distract himself with someone else. I was hurt that he seemed so intensely peeved about me feeling this way. He was acting brand new, as if I, as if HE, didn't have social anxiety. He handled his differently. He partied more and I got angry before I got drunk. I was in the angry phase currently. I was about to call it quits right then and there when some guy got close and asked me a question. "So you're Johnny's friend?"

"Friend?" I scoffed. "I don't think "friend" is the right term."

"Ohhhh, so like a fuck buddy thing?"

I was totally confused. Had Johnny not introduced me as his girlfriend? I looked over at him for a second, wondering if it was just a miscommunication error or something he blatantly didn't want people to know. "No, were not fuck buddies. We're together."

"Johnny never told us he had a girlfriend. Did you just start dating?"

I grit my teeth and tried my best to stay calm. What the hell? Why hadn't he told them? Did he want to feel single over here? Did he want to fuck other people while I was at home crying over him? I was fuming.

"Kylo, chill with the 20 questions bro." Johnny laughed. "We're just here to have a good time."

"Sorry! I was just curious! I mean, she is pretty cute after all." Kylo said with a wink in my direction.

Johnny just laughed. He didn't get into his usual jealous or dominating role. He fucking laughed. Who was he right now? We had just had three days of paradisal bliss and now at some party he changes into someone I don't know. I wanted to flirt with this Kylo guy to really test Johnny but  I also wasn't in the mood for whatever karma would come of it. I crossed my arms over my chest and avoided them both. Instead my eyes landed on the beautiful girl who was chuckling. She mouthed something that looked like "he's wack" and nodded towards Johnny.

"That's for damn sure." I said in agreement. She laughed louder, a really sweet and airy sound. I loved it and could feel myself getting flustered. I didn't know why- well I did. It was because girls made me crumble to my knees faster than any man could. But I shouldn't have been acting this way. It just seemed wrong. Suddenly a shrill voice cut through the high strung atmosphere and before I knew it some girl was draped over Johnny's lap and kissing his cheek.

"Johnny!" She practically squealed. "I knew you'd be here!"

At first I was shocked. All I could really do was take in her incredibly expensive, diamond encrusted bracelets, her Yves Saint Laurent tiny purse, and her chanel sunglasses perched atop of overly processed blonde hair. She was just a little miss Paris hilton who was way too comfortable with my man. He let her hang onto him, even putting an arm around her shoulders. Was it really fucking social if I snapped someone's neck?

"Cassie, babe," He joked. "What are you on tonight?!"

"A little coke, a little molly. Just the usual combo."

"Ugh I fucking hate molly. Never again."

Yeah because that's what you took the night you got assaulted and now you're hanging out with someone who does this on the regular? Nothing made sense. Was he even thinking? Also, what was this 'babe' shit? I was the only one he called that!

"I know, I know! Don't worry. You can just have some Percocets and chill for the night. You're so wound up and tense!" She laid her head on his shoulder and looked up at him with doe eyes. I felt the rage building in my fist and I was dead set on punching her in her fucking designer face.

I pushed Johnny back against the couch and leaned into this chicks face, grabbing her shoulder roughly. "Hi I don't think we've met." I growled. "But you need to get your hands off my-"

She gasped, completely ignoring my anger and not taking me seriously. She reached out a manicured claw to try and touch my hair. "Your curls are so pretty! Oh my god! How do you get them to be so nice?! You know I tried a perm once and-" 

I gripped her wrist and yanked her twig like arm away from my head. "Don't. Touch. My. Hair." It was the one thing I absolutely hated. Strangers weren't allowed to touch my hair. Barely anyone was allowed to touch my hair. It was my sacred crown that I took pride in and I'd be damned if little miss cokehead was going to touch it.

"Eri, what the fuck?" Johnny said harshly as he pulled her wrist from my grasp. I glared at him in disbelief. Was he actually defending her?

She rubbed her wrist and held onto him. "Johnny! Why is she being mean?!"

"Oh I'll fucking show you mean." I got up and made a grab for my gauges, ready to square up and get charged with assault. I gave zero fucks right now. I suddenly felt a hand gently wrap around my arm, tugging me away from the situation. "Come walk with me." The beautiful girl from before said. Since Johnny was too fucking busy coddling the bimbo I decided to go with her. I felt a sense of calmness when she touched me, like a connection had suddenly been formed. We moved away from the party altogether and made our way outside to pretentious garden area that was filled with dozens upon dozens of flowers and plants, with a fountain, swing set, and gazebo in the middle of it. 

I was shaking, violently so. I dug my hand into my purse to pull out a cigarette from the carton. I set it between my lips and went to light it but I couldn't keep myself steady enough to ignite it. I was two seconds away from tossing the damn thing when she unfolded my tense fingers and took the lighter from me. She cupped her hand around the flame as it burst forth, making sure the wind wouldn't extinguish it as it caught the end of the cigarette.

"Thank you." I said as I took a deep drag.

She slipped the lighter back into my purse, so smoothly that I barely even noticed.

"So you're Johnny's girl?" She asked in a voice that was a bit husky contrary to her laugh.

"I guess barely! What the fuck is his problem? Who is that chick?! I swear to god! I'm about ready to slit her throat! Why didn't he tell anyone that I was-"

"Hey," she cupped my face gently and I instantly shut up. She smiled down at me and rubbed her thumb against my cheek. "Johnny's an idiot. All he does is hang out with Cassie's drugged up ass so he can score free drugs himself. Then Kylo's a fucking douche that gives him all these shrooms and shit. There's barely a time when were all hanging out that Johnny isn't high. Don't sweat him, chica. You could do way better."

"W-wait you mean he does this continuously? What does he take?" My heart suddenly halted from insane race car speed to devastating crash.

"So far I've seen him do shrooms, weed, percocet, acid. Maybe he does more. I'm not sure. But that's what I've seen."

Suddenly I didn't want to be here anymore. Not just at this party, but not in California and certainly not around him. He left me for drugs, a rusted van to live out of, and some bimbo that was making him an addict. "G-great...just what I need right now. That's exactly what I need right now. I came all the way here to try and make us better and he just makes everything worse. It felt so good before...what the fuck is happening."

"So dump him. What the fuck do you need a man for? Come over to the lesbian side, were much better." She teased.

"Oh," I looked up at her for a moment. "I mean, I'm not straight. I'm pretty gay, trust me." I said.

"But you're dating Johnny?"

"And? I'm still gay. Well queer. Honestly it would take me 87 years to explain my labels but the short version is I fuck anyone and I romantically want anyone. This time around it happened to be him."

"Ahh...well the invitation still stands to join us again. Start off with something way better than that jerk, honestly."

I raised an eyebrow and almost coughed on an inhale of smoke. "Are you like...flirting with me?"

"If it's working then yes, if it's not, then no." She smiled. "I'm Aaliyah by the way."

"I'm Eri...I haven't had someone flirt with me in awhile." I laughed a bit nervously. "I mean Johnny doesn't count."

"Nah, nothing he does counts…" We were quiet for a moment but I hated it because it kept me in my feelings. Thankfully she started back up again not long after. "So, you don't live in Cali do you?"

I shook my head. "I go to school on almost the other side of the country. Johnny graduated and took an internship here, got up and moved, and didn't really warn me. We've been rocky ever since. I thought it was getting a bit better. We didn't leave our hotel room for two days and I'm still sore but I guess sex can't fix anything. I mean I knew that but it kinda always did for us."

"Nah, it's just a bandaid for the problems. I would also recommend completely punching Cassie in the face."

"Why'd you stop me then?" I asked.

"Don't need another sis locked up in jail. Rather have you free and without a record. Trust me, I've wanted to deck her myself plenty of times. She thinks she's amazing because she's rich and can afford all this wack shit. She's got a big problem though. She's high on the daily and no one will get her to rehab."

"I can put her ass in a coma and then she'd really detox." I said as tapped out my ashes.

"Your hair is really beautiful by the way." She said, diverting my anger. "But you're not a damn poodle or something where she had to try and pet you." Aaliyah commented.

"Yeah, I get that all the time. Especially because my hair takes up space. I get old people staring at me, little bastard 13 year olds taking snapchats or whatever of me at the store, and white girls trying to touch me without permission. Can I get Solange Knowles in here please?"

"I know exactly how you feel, especially with my braids. Sometimes I just whip my head around real fast to hit someone with them and they can leave me alone."

I smiled and took another drag. "That's a mood. Why can't people understand personal space?"

"They think people like us were meant to be ogled at, ever since we got pushed onto podiums for sale in the slave trade."

"Ain't that a bitch." I sighed and didn't realize I was leaning in towards her until my shoulder brushed against her arm, which she put around my waist.

I left her arm there, not really sure of what I should do. She was really pretty and super cool but I was with Johnny though he was currently acting like an addict who didn't have a care in the world for me. A complete 180 since yesterday. I felt sad and angry all at the same time and really wish I had someone to comfort me since it felt like I was alone in this battle. "I'm sorry to kind of dump this on you. We just met and i'm telling you about all this bullshit with my boyfriend and-"

"Its fine. I wouldn't mind making you feel better. Just tell me what you need."

Ok, definitely flirting and maybe propositioning me for sex? She leaned in, setting both her hands on my waist, and smirking down at me. "U-uh...a drink would be nice. I like drinking."

"Yeah? I can do that for you. What do you like, babydoll?" Aaliyah said.

"Anything dark."

She smirked. "I could tell." She placed a kiss on my cheek that caught the corner of my mouth a little too closely. "I'll be back in a sec."

Aaliyah left then, retreating back inside the house and leaving me to sit on the swing set. I was trying hard not to cry. Iwnas even trying hard not to text Quinn. Hearing their "I told you so's" right now may not be for the best. Their anger would also trigger mine and I would end up as a giant mess. I snubbed the last of my cig into the ground and crushed it beneath my strappy sandal. What the hell was I going to do?

I wiped away the few tears that were starting to spill over. I wanted to go home now. I stared down at my phone and texted Johnny. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't pretend I was alright at this party now that I had all this newfound information about him. He needed to explain himself and I didn't want it to blow up into a big argument in front of total strangers. He didn't answer back right away, leaving me impatient and more anxious. Aaliyah came back then and handed me a plastic cup. "My special concoction. Drink up."

I tossed it back without another though but regretted it when I felt the sharpest and fiery burn. "Ughh fuck!" There was rarely a time where alcohol made me flinch but this was a disaster. "Jesus, woman, what the hell is in this?"

"Don't worry about it." She said, tipping the cup back again. "It'll get you buzzed easily." Well that was exactly what I needed. I wanted to get stupid drunk. Like walking disaster drunk but I didn't trust her enough yet to do so. "Better with a bit of alcohol in your system now, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess...I asked Johnny if we could just head out."

"You need a man's permission to go somewhere?"

"No, not like that. I mean he drove us here. I don't know my way around here. It's not permission, just...you know."

"Like I said, forget him. We can hang out and chill. Where do you wanna go, hm?"

I scooted a bit away from her, suddenly feeling that moment of calmness wash away. She was being way too friendly and flirty but... should I even try and make Johnny jealous? Would that even do any good? Everything was making me second guess myself. I just wanted everything to go back to being normal. Suddenly I felt her lips on mine which yanked me from my thoughts immediately. My eyes went wide and before I could even raise my hands to push her away I heard Johnny screaming my name. He had stormed over to the swing set and split Aaliyah and I apart. "What the fuck are you doing?!"

Before i could even answer Aaliyah butted in. "She can do whatever she wants."

"THEY don't need to kiss you and they sure as hell aren't going to sleep with you!"

Aaliyah rolled her eyes. "Well THEY seem to need a bit of loving since you'd rather be up Cassie's ass."

"That isn't true! Cassie's just clingy when she's high. It's nothing like that. Eri, get over here."

"You didn't even push her away…" I said. "You just let her hang onto you. You can go on being her druggie boyfriend if you want."

"What? What are you talking about?" Johnny asked, confused.

"You know exactly what I mean. Aaliyah told me about all the shit you're taking. You left me for drugs, some shit van, and partying all the time. Is that what you really wanted? To get away from me?"

Johnny glared at Aaliyah then looked at me. "Come here. We need to talk."

"I'd rather just drink." I whispered.

He tugged me towards him but Aaliyah yanked me back. "Let her go Johnny."

"No, you let them go! They're my girlfriend and we need to talk. Let go."

"Dont pull on me! Either of you!" I dropped both their hands and held my own close to me. "I'll just...i'll just go with him for now and maybe I can come back later or something?" I was giving her false hope of course, but some part of me, amidst confusion, did want to see her again.

She rolled her eyes and stuffed her hands in the pockets of her vest. "Yeah, sure."

Johnny grabbed onto my arm and pulled me away quickly, taking me back to his van. "What the hell are you talking about? Calling me a druggie?? What did she put in your head?"

"She didn't put anything in my head. You're smoking more weed, dropping acid, getting geeked? What the fuck johnny? You had come so far and you're just turning back to who you used to be."

"That's not true. Just because i've tried some stuff doesn't mean i'm a drug addict. How could you say that to me?"

"Because-!" I yelled. "I don't want to date someone like that. It's only time before you try something even harder then i have to find you in a tub with a needle in your arm!"

"Eri, what in the hell are you talking about?! I'm not planning on shooting up heroin or something!"

"Yeah, sure. You can get all you wanted from that stupid bimbo."

"Cassie's a cokehead. She just needs someone to help her." He argued.

"So taking drugs with her is the answer? What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing is wrong with me! Im only 24! I just want to have fun!"

"Well you can have fun without me! I came all this way to fix what we had and you don't care. You don't care at all. You didn't care about leaving me behind. You haven't even said one thing about your internship. You just...you wanted to get away from me. What did i do johnny? What did I do?" I was getting choked up and trying not to cry over him yet again.

"Eri, you didn't do anything. I want new experiences, I want to travel, I want to see the world. I don't want to be cooped up in a boring ass college town. I cant stay there waiting for you to graduate. I needed to do something and this was a good opportunity for me to get out."

"So if you wanted to leave why did you even fucking want me to be your girlfriend?! You said you wouldn't hurt me! You promised, johnny! You! Promised!"

"I'm not trying to hurt you! I just need you to let me spread my wings a bit. It's not like i don't want to be with you. I love you. So fucking much. I'm glad you're here. I want you to be with me."

"Why? So you can fuck me and then ignore me?"

"No! Because-" he sighed and ran his hand over his face. "Even though i want to explore you still keep me grounded. You keep me from going crazy."

"Not really since you're doing all these drugs and partying. How is that being grounded?"

"Why are you so focused on that?! I don't get it!

I slammed my fist against the side of his van. "When you find your fucking uncle overdosed in a bathtub when youre 7 you'll see that drugs arent fucking my thing. And if you try and kill youself in a bathtub you'll spend every second that you're cutting your wrist feeling just like him. Thats why im fucking focused on it Johnny. I didn't even like the fact that you were a pothead when I first met you. That you still are one! But i kept on. I looked past that because i saw you for who you were but i can't look past this."

"Fuck…" He stepped closer to me and I curled away, holding my stinging hand.

"Dont. Just dont…"

He grabbed a hold of me anyway and pulled me to his chest, giving me a hard squeeze. "Babe...i-"

"You called her babe." I snipped.

He exhaled deeply. "It just slipped."

"No it didnt. Dont add liar to your list."

"I'm sorry. I didn't think it was a big deal."

"You don't think anything is a big deal. Do you even want us to be together anymore? Tell me truthfully. Its only been 5 months, Johnny, almost a year if you want to count us fucking around." I shoved him away and glared up at him. "Tell me."

"I…" He pushed his hair back and looked away.

"Oohh!" I laughed as my voice cracked and tears started to fall. "So thats how its going to be? All that shit in the back of your car meant nothing then?"

"I didn't say anything!"

"Your hesitation said it all. Just…take me back to the hotel. I'll see if I can get an earlier flight to go back home."

"No, no, no! Please don't go back home. Eri, i want to be with you. I want to. I want to."

"You want to? Then fucking act like it, Johnny Suh. I dont have time for fucking little boys that want to play games. I want a real man that can own up to his shit and treats me like i'm important. I want my daddy to take care of me and make me feel safe, not make me have to worry about what he's doing states away."

He leaned down and set his forehead against mine. "I want to make you feel all that. Just dont leave yet. I can't have you leave. Will you stay?"

"I don't know. Just take me home. And don't ever bring me to one of his high roller Beverly Hills movie ass parties again. Ever. I mean it."

"I won't, baby." He took my sore hand in his and rubbed his thumb over my knuckles, giving it a gentle massage. "Let’s go back." I got in and crossed my arms over my chest, staring out the window. He got in as well and started up the engine, beginning the semi lengthy drive back. He tried reaching over to set his hand on my leg but I pulled away. "Please don't be like this…"

"Like what? Pissed off?"

"No I mean...just like let me at least try and make it up to you."

"How you gonna do that? Hmm? You would have a hell of a lot of making up to do."

"Let me try. It's the least I can do."

"Fine. Whatever."

We stayed quiet and I closed my eyes, wishing that this whole trip was over. A few tears were still falling down and I left them there, wanting him to see the suffering he caused me. I sniffed a bit and tried not to turn my breath into a hyperventilating mess. The drive seemed too short for us to be at the hotel and when I opened my eyes I saw we had arrived at a beach. Beaches seemed to just pop up whenever you needed them here. I liked that at least about this place. Everything was deserted and the end of the parking area matched up almost perfectly to the sand. "Did I say take me here?" I snapped.

"I know it's not the hotel but I know the beach is your favorite place to be. I’ve messed it up at that beach party last year, and I messed up tonight's party so I was hoping that maybe this would work.”

"Yeah, you messed up the beach. The literal place that is my sanctuary and make me feel close to home. Good job."

He shut off the engine and crawled into the back of the van, opening the back doors. "Can you come here?"

I looked back at him. "What for?"

"Just come." He extended his hand and I reluctantly crawled around the back seat to sit on his mattress, both our legs dangling over the edge. Outside I could see the stars much clearer and the sea breeze was crisp against the overwhelming heat of California. I was thankful to not sweat at least for a moment. "I never meant to hurt you or make you cry, Eri. It wasn't my intention at all. You mean the world to me but we're so intense it can be overwhelming sometimes. And it is true. I did want to get out of our stupid college town. It had nothing to do with you but rather with me being sick of that fucking place. I've been there for years and it drove me crazy. It wasn't to run away from you."

"The internship in of itself," he continued. "Is not exactly what I wanted it to be. I get assignments and stuff but it isn't the exciting stuff I want to do. Mostly I'm in the office doing desk shit and editing photos. I don't mind the editing I just," he shrugged. "It's not thrilling but it'll look good on my resume in the future. As for the drugs...I'm sorry about your uncle, I really am. I'm sorry about how that affected you when you tried to commit suicide. I don't make good decisions. I never really have. Drugs are like my escape. It's nice not to think about shit sometimes. I don't do it nearly as much as Aaliyah made it out to be-which by the way she definitely wanted to fuck you."

"Oh, I know."

"Were you...gonna do it?"

"You're asking me if I was gonna cheat on you?"

"I don't know...I don't think you would've but I know you basically hate me…"

I rolled my eyes. "I don't hate you. Don't be a damn baby. I wasn't going to fuck her. If she tried anything I would've shoved her away just like any man. I want my boyfriend. I just felt lonely. I wanted some comfort…"

He pulled me closer to him and set my head on his chest. "I want you to feel safe. I want you to feel like I love you. I want you to tell me anything and everything. I'm there for you and I fucked up...if you want me to, I can stop doing drugs. Maybe not weed-i got my med card here- but everything else I can."

I sighed and wiped away the leftover tears. "I'm just scared. I've had that feeling since I was a kid. You said you wouldn't do something harder but that's what they all say. Then it gets worse and worse. I was really close to him. He and my mom got into a lot of fights but he cared about me. I didn't know it was bad, I mean, I was just a kid. How was I supposed to know what drugs were? I don't want you to end up like that. I know it seems impossible but it just...haunts me."

He kissed the top of my head and took my wrist in his hand gently. His thumb rubbed over the scar that I tried to hide with tattoos. I never thought he noticed. Maybe he had noticed all my scars. I had tried to tattoo over them all but some were fresher than others. "I can see why and I don't blame you. If I stop taking drugs will you stop drinking? We can get sober together…"

"I can try…" I sad rather sadly and unconfident.

"How much do you drink a day?"

"Never enough to get drunk but a buzz is fine. Couple ales or wine coolers, maybe a bit of brown liquor. Like a fifth of the bottle? Whole bottle lasts me about 5 days or so."

"Christ…"

"Guess I'm a hypocrite, huh?" I came to that pathetic realization all too late.

"No. I don't have that trauma that you do, seeing your uncle and all. But that doesn't mean that I want to lose you to drinking either. Do you still go to therapy?"

"Yeah and get my meds changed but it's been a little...bit worse since you left. Not that I want to put that on you but it's just been happening."

"You can take one of my shirts back if you want. I know it's not much but I know you like them."

I nodded and clung to him, not sure if I completely forgave him but finally feeling like we were at least connecting again. "Do you still sleep with the rillakuma?"

"Of course. I have to now." He chuckled lightheartedly. "It's just as comforting to me as my shirts are to you."

"I sleep in your hoodies sometimes too. They're nice and roomy."

"Yeah I know. You basically have them all." He nudged his face against mine, playfully but also ended up connecting our lips. He paused after we separated but kept his close distance. "Do you forgive me?"

"I don't know yet. I feel a lot of things right now. Maybe I just need some time to think."

"Oh…" He sounded extremely disappointed. "Do you still want to go home?"

"I think I would want to spend a few more nights with you…" I squeezed his hand lightly.

"Thank you. I really want that. I promise to make this trip worthwhile."

"Well...the sex was pretty good at least. My ass still kind of hurts though."

"It was...phew..uh…" He wiped his other hand on his jeans and I saw his cheeks flush.

"You can admit you like anal now, you know."

"I'm on the fence, okay? Let's just leave it at that."

"Mhm...sure."

"Do you want to watch the stars with me?" He asked suddenly. That was a pretty sweet gesture I had to admit. Something straight out of a cheesy romance movie but still sweet nonetheless. 

"Yeah, that sounds nice actually."

He scooted back onto the mattress and took off his shoes, tossing them over the back seat. I did the same with my sandals and we both leaned back onto the pillows, looking out into the night sky that was littered with bright white orbs. We didn't say much, just relaxed beneath the moon, hearing the waves lapping at the Earth. Johnny set a soft playlist to play on his phone and kept it beside him, adding something to fill the otherwise silent space between us. I closed my eyes and focused on letting myself go, trying to make my heart less heavy and remind myself why I fell in love with him in the first place. That was when I felt his pinky lock with mine. Memories came flooding back; every time he made me laugh, the hurt we had been through, all the trust that I gave him and no one else. There was so much invested in us. I had no idea if I really wanted to let it go.

He was humming now, softly, strumming his fingers against his chest to the beat. When I looked over I saw that his eyes were closed as well and I wondered what he was thinking about. "Johnny?"

"Yes?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"What am I going to do after this internship is over. I don't know where I want to go. Maybe try and find some jobs in Chicago, maybe New York, cities where I can expand and maybe do a lot more."

"Do you want us to be long distance?"

"Not particularly, no. But I know you want to finish school. That's important. You're not going to quit just because you want to follow me around the world. Maybe when next summer rolls around and you graduate you can come travel with me."

"Do you think we can really be together for a whole other year?"

"Yeah. Don't you?" He asked.

"Yeah...I do." I squeezed his pinky tighter. "I do want to be with you Johnny. For a long long time."

#Johnny Fanfic #JOHNNY SMUT #johnny suh #NCT #nct 127 fanfic #johnny nct #nct 127 fanfiction #NCT 127 #messy #johnny seo #johnny suh fanfic #johnny suh fanfiction #johnny seo fanfic #johnny seo fanfiction #johnny suh smut #johnny seo smut #nct smut #nct 127 smut #johnny angst #nct angst #nct 127 angst #johnny suh angst

[smol-and-grumpy]

Dear Dean (Chapter 5)

Re-post

Pairing: Dean Winchester x OFC (Jamie Blum)

WC: 2.4k

Summary: After taking Saint Lo, by sheer dumb luck, Lieutenant Dean Winchester from the 29th Infantry Division, Baker Company, received a truckload of replacements for his platoon that was falling apart. Little did he know, that one recruit would change his life forever.

Chapter Warnings: Angst, fear of loss, confused Dean.

SERIES MASTERLIST

August 3rd, 1944

Fuck fuck fuck fuck!

Goddamn it!

Dean could kick his own ass. What the fuck was he thinking? What happened? What the hell was wrong with him? He ain’t queer. Oh no, he definitely wasn’t, alright. When he looked into Bambi’s eyes and then the private rolled them at him, all Dean could think about was Sam’s letter. Just think that every time he looks at you, that it’s me judging you, alright? I hope he rolls his eyes at you too, you totally deserve it. He blacked out right there, staring into Bambi’s eyes, and when he came back to his senses, he was a breath away from kissing his own damn private!

Shit shit shit!

But, thankfully, there was no time to dwell on things that happened. They marched toward Vire, and Dean could already see the the old brick buildings of the city. And of course it rained again. It was just their luck, wasn’t it? Dean thought, as he hunched his shoulders, shielding himself from the rain a little.

Moving down in the open, they lied low until it was clear and they could sprint over to the suburb of La Salliere - hopefully still undetected. They split up in platoons with One and Three platoons going left, Two platoon was hanging back and Four platoon took the right. Grenadiers and bombers made their way toward Vire, rifles lifted, aggressively taking store by store, building by building.

It wasn’t until Blake’s scream echoed through the rain sprinkled air, as he fell, hit by a round in his abdomen and thigh, that Dean knew that there was nothing to be saved. An artery was hit, making the blood spurting out of the medic like a fountain. He didn’t understand. Medics didn’t get shot. They were invisible. Dean yelled for a medic. “Medic! Fucking hell, Medic down! We need a medic!” But the two other medics were with the other two platoons and there was simply no time. “Captain! Radio in for a medic!” Dean screamed himself hoarse making himself heard over the shells and mortars hissing over their heads, hoping that Captain Mills would hear him from 100 yards away.

Dean pressed his body into the door frame, waiting for the enemy to show themselves so he could fucking shoot them through their eyebrows for the disastrous war crime against a medical officer.

Dean scanned his platoon which were scattered on either side of the street, all of them pressing close to the walls of the buildings. He saw their faces, pale and painted with fear. When he looked back at Blake, he saw him twitching in the rain. Blake was lying in a puddle of red. Oh fuck. Baker was going to lose a medic. He realized it then, with Blake’s blood staining his hands.

“Move move move! Find them!” He yelled to his Grenadiers and they pushed themselves away from the concrete and door frames with a yes, sir! - on it, sir! and went in with their rifles first.

The coast wasn’t clear and Dean waited, hoping that he’d hear an all clear from his men. He turned, looking down the line, only to see Bambi three privates away from him. Bambi’s fingers were twitching, and Dean reached out to tell him that it was okay. His mouth didn’t get the words out before Bambi pushed off from the wall, running toward Blake. He crouched next to Blake, in the rain and blood.

Shit!

“Bambi, fucking get off the street!” Dean could only yell before there was a clatter and it rained rounds on the pavement. “Covering fire! Covering fire! Try to divert them from Bambi and Blake!”

He watched as Bambi talked to Blake, the voice of the small private was calm. “Doc, what’s been hurt? Tell me. Tell me how I can fix you, alright? I can do it, but only if you talk to me. You’ll be fine. Tell me where I can find things I need, alright?” After a while Bambi searched through Blake’s musette bag, obviously finding what Blake said he should look for and then there was a shouting next to Dean.

“Sir!” Sergeant Shurley, their other medic stood next to him, Morphine syringe ready in his hand. Dean acknowledge him before turning to Private Redfield,  “Alright, Sneezy, hold the fire. Gotta get Bambi out!” Then he turned to Shurley and nodded at him. “Sneezy, go!” Sneezy started to fire with a bunch of new privates.

Dean sped along with Shurley in a crouching run and Shurley took over. “It’s alright Private, I got this. You get out of here!” Dean pulled Bambi up, pushing and moving him to the other side of the street. He put his hands on the privates shoulders and smashed him harsh against a concrete wall.

He shouted and there were so many things going through his head at that moment, but when he looked at the private, he saw the red in his eyes and fuck, they were so big. “Fucking hell, private! What the fuck were you thinking? Leave it to the medics!”

“But there wasn’t one around. I wanted to help!”

He talked back, and Dean wished he didn’t. He pushed Bambi further against the concrete, trapping the private between the wall and his body and lowered his head to the level of the small private. He was furious. Angry at Bambi but also angry at himself. Why did he let the private get under his skin? It has been a little more than a fucking week since he showed up and Dean’s mind had been all over the place since.

Dean tried. He tried to not look at Bambi. Tried to not let his mind wander to the wide eyes that were strangely able to calm him down. Tried not to let his gaze wander down to the full lips that he wanted desperately to kiss himself stupid on. Tried with all his might not to just fucking do it. He blinked a couple of times, shaking the thought out of his head, but there was Bambi, all wet and flushed and he could even see the faint freckles on the bridge of Bambi’s nose.

“Let me make this perfectly clear, private. You do what I tell you. That’s the only way I can keep you alive. I’m going to make sure that you’re on sentry for fucking 6 hours tonight and the night after because then you’ll be tired and not able to pull that shit on me again. You hear me? If you do that again, I’ll get you on latrine duty from here on out until we march into Germany. I fucking swear!” Dean punched at the concrete with his bare hands, right next to Bambi’s face, but Bambi did not even flinch.

***

August 4th, 1944

As promised, Dean put Bambi on sentry for three full shifts, and when Dean woke up from his three hours of uncomfortable sleep, he decided that he was going to write to Sam. The time neared Oh-four-hundred. Reveille was at Oh-five-hundred and Bambi still had an hour to go.

Dear Sergeant Sam,

Is that right? Did I write it right, huh, bitch? Congrats, I guess! No shit, really, so proud of you, Sammy!

How are you? I hope won’t promote you again too soon. The fame is slowly getting in your head, Sam. To me, you’re still the brother who ran up to me crying with a snot running down your nose because you were upset that a girl kissed your cheek. I said that you should man up, didn’t I? Thank god, imagine you’d still be scared of girls now.

Sam, I don’t even know how to put this in words. I kind of screwed up, I think. I told you about Bambi, right? Well, he and I, we, ah forget it. Forget what I just wrote. It doesn’t matter. What matters that he fucking managed to piss me off, and I put him up for three shifts of sentry. That’s what you get when you piss of your platoon leader. So, fyi, never do that, ok, Sam? Bambi did it without even a groan tho, I highly doubt that you’d do that. So don’t piss off your leader, because I am afraid that I’ll never hear the end of it when you write and rant to me.

We lost Blake today. Our medic. Now we’re just down to two medics for a hundred-odd men. I don’t know but, it wasn’t supposed to be like this, no? I was wondering, would you have signed up if you knew that was going to happen? I certainly wouldn’t. I thought that I could keep them all alive. Well, see where that got me? Almost lost Bambi too (that’s why he’s on sentry). My hands were shaking at the thought, Sam. My hand are always steady. I don’t know what’s happening to me, but I feel like, if I lose the kid, I will lose you, I will lose everything. It’s not supposed to be like that, is it? I shouldn’t feel that way towards anyone of them. It’s war and yeah, I should fucking get my act together.

We’ll be taking Vire soon. I can feel it. I hope you’re good, bitch!

Lieutenant Dean Winchester

Jamie sat at the end of the harbor. It was her and Dopey, who probably picked a short straw and end up having to do the most hated sentry shift with her. Dopey looked over the north while she covered the south of their harbor position. It wasn’t pretty big, so it was ok.

She stared down at her hands, still deep red from Sergeant Blake’s blood. There was not soap around to clean it off properly. Her hands were trembling. It was the first time that she saw someone die right in front of her. She could see how the life drained out of Blake’s eyes and there was nothing she could have done to stop him from dying. It hit her then, that people die in this war and they keep on dying. People she liked and came to care about.

Jamie wished she had someone to talk about it. She wished that she could write to her brothers, but she don’t know where they are since she wasn’t even home when they all got scattered around Europe.

She heard footsteps approaching and listened. She didn’t have the energy to even turn around.

“You alright, private?” Lieutenant Winchester came closer, a metal mug of coffee in his hand. She could smell it from a couple of feet away and she was sure that it tasted delicious too. Like the whiskey tinted air that he exhaled. Fuck, no, she should’ve stopped thinking about what happened. Poor guy probably already thought that he’s going crazy, and it was never her intention to put doubt into her leader’s head.

Lieutenant Winchester walked closer and sat on the stone next to her. “You want some?”

“I’m on sentry, sir.” She wasn’t looking at him. She didn’t want to see the green in his eyes and the freckles on his face and the ruffled hair from sleep or the way his lips crooked when he smiles.

Lieutenant Winchester started to laugh then. “Shit, Bambi, you take this way too seriously!” He looked back at the bodies of men that were slowly rising out of their foxholes. “Look around, they’re all up. Sentry’s almost over anyway.”

Jamie looked over then and it was a mistake because she got lost in the eyes and how can someone look so cute with sleep still hanging in their eyes? “Can I?” She asked, looking at the coffee and he shrugged before he offered her the mug.

Lieutenant Winchester patted at his combat jacket, searching and finding his cigarette tin. Pulling it out, he asked if Jamie wanted one, but she declined. “I’m still not smoking, sir.”

“You’re going to use them for trading?”

“No, actually, I’m giving them away to people who run out of them.”

“Gosh, you’re a saint, ain’t ya?” It wasn’t degrading. It sound like he really meant it. But she didn’t answer. They sat side by side. Listening to the other men rise and probably shine.

Jamie took another sip of the warm coffee before she gave it back to Lieutenant Winchester, not wanting to be rude and drink it all. “Thank you. And I’m sorry.” She didn’t elaborate and hoped that he will know what she’s sorry about.

“Me too.” He said, blowing out smoke and stubbed his cigarette on the stone before he flickered it away. He took his mug in one hand and rubbed at his thighs in his damp combats with the other. He watched her, and Jamie nervously fidgeted at the rifle lying in her lap with her hands. They were still trembling.

Lieutenant Winchester saw them. Saw the dried blood and dirt still sticking to the back of her hand. He put his hand on hers and she stalled. He covered his big hands around her trembling small ones, and he painted soothing circles on the knuckles of her thumb. He began to speak after a while. “I should have never let you get under my skin,” he paused to take another sip of his coffee. “It’s just… you remind me so much of Sam.”

Jamie nodded. She still didn’t know who Sam was, but Sam was a lucky girl.

He took another sip before he talked again, his voice soft and deep. “I’m sorry about how..you know.. in that foxhole. You should know. I’m not… you know.”

“I know.” She said, looking downcast.

“But I’m not sorry about putting you on sentry. I’ve lost too many people already. I don’t need you undermining me and get yourself killed. Alright?”

“Yes, sir.” She had tears in her eyes, and she didn’t even know why. She turned away, she didn’t want him to see.

“You’re scared.” He said, his voice deep and smooth. “I am too. I thought I’d lose you too and that would’ve be on me. Again. History repeats itself and I’m just sick of it. Sorry I snapped.”

Jamie didn’t know why he’s telling her this. He was a Lieutenant. He shouldn’t care so much about his men. He was there to give orders and they were there to follow them. “You’re doing good, sir. You’re keeping us alive. Or at least you try.” She tried to lift up his mood.

“Right. Remember your words, private. About me doing good, I mean.” He forced out a smile before he stood up. “Go get ready, we’ll be moving out again soon.”

Jamie didn’t move. Not yet. She would have rather sat there a little longer, waiting until her hands would stop trembling.

CHAPTER 6

#dear dean #dean winchester #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fan fic #dean winchester x oc #dean winchester x ofc #dean x oc #dean x ofc #dean winchester fan fiction #dean winchester au fic #nathalie wrties

[jenomark]

Swallow // Part 3

○Pairing: Dom!Jaehyun x Sub!Reader (Female) ○Other Members/ Characters: X ○Genre: smut ○Warnings: public sex (m w/ f), vaginal penetration, oral (m) ○Word count: 3,594

→Summary: You start reminiscing about the night Jaehyun came into your life. You wonder what your relationship means to you, and how much longer you can hold onto him.

→Notes: ✨Anon Requested✨ Heyyyy 😍😍 Can I request Dom Jaehyun x Dom reader smut? Pretty, Please 💕💕

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06

______________________________________________________________

Lust can get you into trouble, but it’s nothing compared to what love can do.

  With lust, you knew exactly what you were getting into. There was an agreement and a few lines never to be crossed. Each party consented. The first time, although scary, was full of exploration and excitement. Sometimes, the fuck was quick, with someone always coming too soon, or not at all. Other times, the fuck was deliberately slow and torturous, but it was always fun. Lust was meant to be light and free of everything bad. Lust was never meant to be something that could be forgiven.

  With love, things got messy. Agreements could turn to arguments. The person you fell in love with might not love you back in the way you want, or not at all. You spend your days thinking about them on the outside of your bubble: holding your hand in public, walking you home and hoping for a kiss good night. Love, though patient and kind, could make you hate everything you used to love about a person. Adding jealousy into that, well, there’s a chance that love would eventually introduce hate.

 These things kept running through your mind all day. At work, you worried if you had spread yourself too thin with Jaehyun. At the gym, you let the music in your headphones carry you far away to fantasies that would never exist. At home, you thought about John, and if Jaehyun was telling the truth when he said he liked you more. You were having trouble sleeping. You were avoiding Jaehyun’s texts, as sparse as they were.

 When your emotions were finally starting to boil over, a package arrived at your door, followed by a knock. There was just a sad dented brown box at your feet, no name, no nothing, and no person in sight, but you knew who it was from. You kicked at it. You thought about shutting your door and going back to your life of wallowing in your own misery, but the thought of him would keep chasing you until you gave in.

“Fine, I’ll play.” you said, out loud.

 You picked up the box and slammed your front door. You didn’t open the package right away. You just stared at it on your dining room table , twirling your box cutter in your fingers, your head in your hand,  and your fears keeping you glued to your chair.

“I’m a grown woman,” you said. “This is stupid. I shouldn’t be scared of a little box.”

  Still, you didn’t move. You placed the box cutter down and looked around at the life you built for yourself. Everything around you screamed average. Your apartment was small and didn’t have much of a personality. You had a few plants on the windowsills that were dying, a bunch of dirty shoes in a pile at your front door, and none of your furniture matched the way your mother would like them to.  Looking around, you had to wonder what Jaehyun saw in you. The thought brought you back to the night you first met.

                               ____________________________

1 Year Ago

   You promised yourself you would never cry over a boy, but there you were, blowing your snot into tissues in the middle of an empty mall parking lot. You threw each tissue on the floor of your car after viciously wiping your face of tears and boogers. You would have been embarrassed if you weren’t feeling so much pity for yourself. Besides, there was no one around to see your personal downfall. The mall had closed over an hour ago and it was just you, your sobs, and the ping of your cell phone texts going off.  You picked up your  phone and skimmed the messages of concern before throwing your cell phone out of the window. If he was going to call you dramatic, then that’s the name you had to live up to.

    Your ex wasn’t your first love. He wasn’t even that important, but it felt like he had ripped your heart from your chest, stuck it up his asshole, and then shit it out.

“Fucking asshole.” you said.

  You wiped stray tears with the back of your hand, and for the first time noticed how dark and scary the parking lot looked at night. Paranoia set in and soon you were looking all around you and locking your car doors.

“I should leave,” you said. “I’m......really talking to myself.”

  When you went to start your car, it wouldn’t start. You started to whine as you turned the key and heard how awful it sounded.

“Please, please, please work.” you said.

  Feeling helpless, you slowly opened your car door and leaned down to grab your cell phone. You shut the door and locked it, giving one last look around before you turned your attention to your phone.  The screen was cracked, and it wouldn’t turn on no matter what you did.

“Oh my god,” you said. “I’m going to die here.”

   As quietly as you could, you opened the car door and popped your head up. You could only see lights from restaurants in the distance, but everything else was pitch black. You were hoping to see some kind of mall security lingering, but it looked like a ghost town. You stepped out of the car and went to your hood, thinking maybe that the problem would jump out at you. You opened the hood and stared down just like your father did when he was working on his car.

“Yeah, I don’t know what any of this means,” you said, slamming the hood shut.

  You could feel how worked up you were getting. You squatted down on the ground and hugged your knees to your chest.

“He was right,” you said. “I am useless.”

   In the distance, there were headlights coming toward you. You peered over your car, placing your palms on the hood, but you couldn’t see much. The lights were so bright you had to shield your eyes with your arm. When the car pulled into the spot next to yours, you stayed frozen to the ground. The lights and engine cut out . You looked underneath your car and could see two black dress shoes hit the cement.

“Hello?” a male voice called out.

   There was a moment where you thought about crawling  back inside your car and grabbing the pocket knife in your purse, but that would attract too much attention. You leaned down and looked under your car again to see the shoes moving around to the front of your car. There wasn’t any time to do anything because suddenly you felt the eyes of someone watching you while you were on all fours.

“ Is everything... ok?” he asked.

“Ihaveaknife.” you blurted.

   Your words jumbled so closely together, he couldn’t have possibly understood what you were saying. You imagined that from his angle, seeing a girl on her hands and knees move so fast to her feet that her head bumped into her open car door, nearly knocking herself out in the process, was a real treat for the eyes.

“Oh my god,” he said, moving towards you.

“Don’t touch me!”

  You held your forehead and checked to see if there was any blood or bumps. When you realized that the only thing hurt was your pride, you turned to get a good look at him.

  He was so handsome you were having trouble trying to process the rest of him. You knew he was wearing a crisp black suit like he had come from a party, but the edges of him felt hazy. You couldn’t stop staring at his perfect face. His eyes were kind and soft, the type of eyes that made you feel safe in their gaze. His skin was clear, his nose small and delicate, and his lips pillowy and pink. The hair on his head was thick and dyed a sandy brown color. He looked like he had just stepped off of a runway.

“You’re perfect.” you mumbled.

“I’m sorry?” he asked.

   He pretended not to hear what you said to spare you the embarrassment, but his smile gave it away. When he smiled, two dimples appeared. In that moment, you felt so sure that instead of dying because of him, you would die for him.

“Let’s start again,” he said, still smiling. “My name is Jaehyun. I was driving home and I saw a car with the drivers door open. I thought something might be wrong, so I came to check. Is there something wrong?”

  You opened your mouth to tell him everything that had been wrong with your life until this point but you couldn’t formulate a coherent sentence.

“What is your name?” he asked.

“I don’t tell my name to strangers.” you said.

“Okay.”

  Jaehyun held out his hands to show that he had nothing in them. He backed away slowly to give you a little space.

“Do you want me to go?” he asked.

“No.”

“Okay,” he said. “Can I help?”

“My car broke down. My phone is dead. I need to make a call.” you told him.

“Ahhhh,” he said. “I would let you borrow mine, but it’s also dead. So much for power banks, huh?”

“Are you going to kill me?”

   Jaehyun looked taken aback only for a moment. He laughed softly and rubbed the space between his eyebrows. “Why do you think that?” he asked.

“That’s how women die,” you told him. “Alone in parking lots by handsome charming men.”

“That’s fair,” he said. “If promises mean anything to you, I won’t hurt you.”

“Oh.”

“You sound disappointed.”

“I’ve had a rough night.” you said.

  Jaehyun nearly doubled over with laughter. Laugh lines that looked like whiskers came to life on his face. You, with your misery and sadness, started to feel a little lighter. You laughed along with him, leaning against your car for support.

“Are you hungry?” he asked. “There’s a diner over there. I hear it’s pretty good.”

“And then after you’ll kill me?”

  There was something about Jaehyun that made you feel comfortable around him. Suddenly, you were acutely aware of how you must have looked to him. You started tugging at your clothes and straightening your hair just in case he looked at you that way.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “You look pretty.”

  Every lesson you had learned up until that point taught you to decline his offer. Another man to come and save you was not what you needed, or wanted. The way he looked at you with mild curiosity and something you couldn’t place your finger on excited you, though.

“I could eat.” you said, smiling shyly.

   You sat in the diner booth for awhile, delighting in the fact that someone was hearing your side of the story out. He didn’t talk much, but Jaehyun listened intently, offering reactions at all the right moments. You noticed that he didn’t eat much, just picked at his food and kept putting food on your plate whenever you mentioned how good something looked.

“You really like caring for people.” you said.

“Something like that.”

  You didn’t tell him your name and he didn’t ask again. The way he looked at you made you feel like none of those things mattered, anyway.

“So, what about you?” you asked. “Anything I should know about my….”

“Your?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“...murderer.” you finished.

  Trying to get Jaehyun to talk about himself was like pulling at a loose thread. You wanted to find what came at the end, but the more you pulled, the quicker you realized he would never fully unravel. It hurt you, but you couldn't understand why. The man before you was a stranger who asked the diner to use their phone because you were too scared to, and nothing more. 

“You think too much.” Jaehyun said.

“You don’t know me.”

“I can figure you out.”

  He leaned in close and folded his hands, resting his chin on top. The way he looked at you made you feel hot underneath your clothes.

“Stop that.” you said.

“Stop what?” he asked.

  The waitress came over with a check and placed it down on the table, but Jaehyun didn’t look at anyone but you.  As she walked away, leaving the two of you alone, you started to feel a little dizzy with excitement.

“‘I’ll take care of this.” he said.

You watched as he went into this wallet, all without tearing his eyes from your face, and grabbed a credit card. You plucked the bill from the table and told him you would pay.

“Don’t fight me on this,” you told him.” I’ll win.”

  You went up to the front register to pay, only wincing a little as you handed over your credit card. You felt a rush of air pass by you and looked to see Jaehyun disappear into the restrooms. You signed the bill but couldn’t seem to remember doing so. Your body started carrying you towards the restrooms where you stopped in front of the men’s entrance and looked down at the row of diner patrons eating late night pie.

“What are you doing?” you whispered to yourself.

  Before thinking it through, you pushed the door open and walked inside. The room was empty, but one stall appeared to be closed. You looked underneath and could see Jaehyun’s shoes peeking out.

“This isn’t very wise.” he said.

  You came closer and saw that the door was partly open and he was just standing there staring past you, his eyes on his own reflection in the mirror.

“You promised you wouldn’t hurt me.”

  Jaehyun stepped out of the stall. You backed up into the sink and sat on the edge, gripping the sides until your knuckles were white.

“What do you want from me?” he asked.

  His words were so breathy and soft you almost didn’t hear them. The harsh lights of the bathroom made him seem so young and apprehensive that you felt like he was playing a trick on you. Who are you? You surely didn’t feel like yourself. The whole night felt off, and you thought that maybe it was an off night for Jaehyun, too.

“I want you to fuck everything away. All of it.” you said, turning around.

  You faced your own reflection. You looked much more brazen than you felt. There was something so self-assured in the way you stood and the way your eyes flicked to his in the reflection. Jaehyun came up behind you and snaked his hand around your middle. You tilted your head to the side and moved your hair. His lips found your neck in a second, kissing down to your shoulder gently. “Please.” you whispered.

 Something clicked in Jaehyun that you both felt. The atmosphere changed, the air inside the bathroom becoming thick and heavy. He bit down on your shoulder and looked at himself in the mirror. From there, it was like you both had let go of whatever was holding you back. He crushed your body into the sink. You could feel his cock hardening against your ass. Jaehyun grinded himself against you, grunting in your ear with each movement. Neither of you looked in the direction of the door, and neither of you cared. There was no condom, but you were on birth control, and in the heat of the moment, thinking of little else but him being inside of you. Jaehyun pulled your skirt up your waist and yanked your panties down your thigh. He took hold of your neck and bent you over the porcelain. You were so wet that all he had to do was touch you and you would disintegrate in his hands .

“Is this what you want?” he asked.

“God, yes.”

  His cock didn’t inch into you but rather pounded into you all at once. You couldn’t remember sex ever feeling this exciting with your ex, but then again, you didn’t have the thrill of fucking in a public space where the whole diner could definitely hear Jaehyun. His moans were so loud you tried covering his mouth but he bit down on your hand, his teeth leaving little impressions in your skin.

  Fucking in one position for long was not enough for him. When he felt satisfied with the way your face scrunched up with pleasure, he pulled out, turned you around and dropped to his knees to taste you. His tongue on your clit for the first time nearly made your knees buckle. He stuck his fingers inside of you. You didn’t know how many just that he fingered you so fast you were moaning his name over and over without stopping.

“That’s all you get,” he said

   Jaehyun didn’t remove his fingers. He just stood up and brought you into the stall by your pussy. He was so aggressive with your body. The sensations were so new that you started to feel so free. You would let him do whatever and you would thank him for it.

“Fuck me.” you begged.

   He pressed you up against the inside of the bathroom stall. It was such a tight fight that you had to rest your foot on the toilet seat, but you made do. Your panties were long forgotten on the floor.

“Yeah?” he asked.

   He put his finger in your mouth and made you suck on it. He smiled so widely you caught glimpses of someone who was also free. You begged the gods to make this feeling last. 

   Jaehyun’s cock slipped inside of you easily. He fucked you so hard and fast that the entire stall started to groan underneath your weight. You could see it bouncing off its hinges, but you were too busy feeling how good he felt inside of you, his cock making you feel full.

   When you came, it was earth shattering. You clung onto him like your whole world would shift if you released him. He slowed down the thrusting and looked at you with amusement.

“How was that for you?” he asked.

  You nodded and swallowed hard. He pulled himself out of you and started jerking himself off.

“You didn’t come?” you asked.

“I want you to finish me,” he said. “With that mouth you use too much.”

 You looked down at the dirty bathroom floor and back up at Jaehyun. Him standing there in his disheveled suit, his cock being kneaded by his fingers, made you sink down without much thought. Your legs went into the next stall, but you didn’t mind.

“Nice and slow,” Jaehyun said.

  You liked pleasing your ex-boyfriend. There was something about seeing a man in the palm of your hand just because your mouth was wrapped around his cock that made you feel inferior.  However, as you placed your lips on Jaehyun, it felt different. He seemed so tall and assertive, and as you began to take him into the back of your throat, all you seemed to crave was his praise.

“You taste so good.” you moaned.

  He smiled down at you, playing  with the tips of your hair as you fucked him with your mouth. When you started using your hands, he told you no, so you went back to using your mouth, even though your jaw hurt.

“I’m coming.” he said.

  You expected him to give in with a big theatrical release like your ex did,  but Jaehyun remained stoic. The only sound of pleasure coming from him was a little purr that made you eager to use more tongue. When his come shot out, you were surprised.

“Swallow,” he said. “Everything.”

So you did, down to the last drop.

   When you left the diner,  you tried to keep up appearances, but you felt like everyone knew what you had been doing. You left Jaehyun that night, still not letting him know your name, but it didn’t matter. For the relationship you two agreed upon from there on out, the only name you needed to know was his.

                                                       ___________________________

   You tapped your fingers across the box Jaehyun sent and decided that you couldn’t wait any longer. Your whole relationship was built on waiting, and you were sick of it.You cut the tape and opened the flaps. A glossy, ballerina pink colored card sat on top with your name on it. You plucked it hastily from the inside and opened it.

    The dress inside is for you. I’m assuming you’ll have shoes. There will be a car waiting for you outside at 9 a.m. There are no rules. Don’t overthink this.                                                                           -Jaehyun

   You placed the card back inside the box. In a moment of frustration, you shoved the box off the table and watched it tumble to the floor. A beautiful silky dress in a deep purple color slipped out.

“I can’t do this anymore,” you said.

  You were once more pulling at Jaehyun’s thread. You wondered how long you could keep going like this.

  Feeling bad, you collected the dress from the floor and held it in your hands. It was so beautiful and light. You let the fabric flow over your fingers before holding it against your body. Of course, like everything, it was perfect. You picked up the box and noticed an additional card stuck to the tissue paper. It was a wedding invitation for a bunch of names you didn’t recognize. It was addressed to “Jaehyun’s guest”, with your name in cursive written at the bottom. 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

#nct #jaehyun #jaehyun smut #nct smut #nct 127 #dom!jaehyun

[lovecrazyjennybear]

When Love Is True

Summary: Patton finds the courage to tell his family that he has a boyfriend. (takes place between chapter 21 and 22 of @fearfilledvirgil‘s Ivity and Anx story so I’d recommend reading that first, but it’s not necessary)  Warnings: Cursing, Spiraling thoughts, Crying. Please let me know if any others need to be tagged! Word Count: 2106 Pairing: Romantic Logicality (mentioned), Brotherly Analogical (mentioned) Platonic Moxiety A/N: @fearfilledvirgil‘s story is absolutely amazing. The world they built is stunning and the progression of everything. From the happy moments to the ones that rip your heart out. Honestly if you haven’t read it I highly recommend you do. They’re also just an awesome human

Patton was busy baking in the kitchen. Honestly it was a way to distract himself. He knew that he had to tell his family that he and Logan were a couple. It scared him more than he’d ever admit. What if his parents weren’t okay with him dating a college student? What if the age gap was too much for them to approve? What if-

“Patton?” Virgil’s voice broke Patton out of his string of ‘what ifs.’ “Yeah kiddo?” He turned to face his black and purple clad roommate. “Um...please don’t take this the wrong way but, uh, why are you stress baking?” Virgil said the main part of his question so quickly it seemed like one big word. “What are you talking about? I’m not stress baking.” Patton lied, a twinge of guilt sitting in his chest. “Are you sure?” “Yup! I’m feeling just jiffy” The younger held up the jar of Jif peanut butter he was using. “Please don’t be mad or, or take this the wrong way...but I don’t think that’s the truth Patton.” “Now kiddo, that’s not really a sweet thing to say…” “You usually hum. And you have been asking me to bake with you.” Virgil blurted out before Patton could continue. The younger boy was amazed how vigilant the other was. He knew that Virgil noticed more smaller details than most but he didn’t think he’d notice a pattern in less than a month. With a sigh, Patton put the bowl down. “Sorry about that, Virgil. I know you don’t like being lied to.” “You don’t really like lying either.” “Yeah…” “Do you, um, do you wanna talk about it?” Virgil offered “It’s silly.” “Patton however your feeling isn’t silly.” Despite his dislike for much physical touch, Virgil reached out and gently took Patton’s hand. “However your feeling is normal. It’s not bad.” Patton’s heart soared at Virgil initiating a touch. It also soared because in such a short amount of time, Virgil learned so much about how Patton acted. “I want to tell my family about Logan but I’m scared to.” Virgil nodded slightly. “Because he’s supposed to be at college instead of here?” He saw Patton nod. “Do you...do you want me to, um, be here with you?” A faint blush rose on Virgil’s cheeks. He wanted to defend his best friend to anyone who would say anything negative about him, but he also felt like Patton would do better with the support. “You’d do that?” “Mhm.” “Thank you Virgil!” Patton quickly hugged the other boy before remembering his dislike for touch. “Sorry” “It’s ok. Sometimes you just need to give a hug.” A small, reassuring smile tugged on Virgil’s lips. “Now what are you making?”

After talking with Virgil while they were baking, Patton decided to tell his family about Logan over dinner. Virgil suggested that he and Patton make his spaghetti and meatballs because “no one can be mad while slurping noodles”. Patton knew that Virgil was wanting to pay his family back for taking him in, as well as helping keep his mind busy. Deep down, Patton was thankful that Virgil was staying with him and helping keep him busy. It kept him from spiraling down some darker thoughts. He was also very grateful that Virgil was going to be with him when he told his family. If anyone would help defend Patton’s choice it would be Virgil. Virgil helped Patton plate the food and bring it to the table. He then sat and gently bumped his knee against Patton’s to reassure him. Patton smiled a little and took a bite of his food.

A couple minutes into dinner, Patton’s mother asked “Anything exciting happen today?” “I saw a butterfly land on the branch by my window!” Patton’s youngest sister said. “That’s pretty cool to see.” “Um...it wasn’t today but there is something exciting.” Patton said nervously. “Ooh exciting is a good thing.” Patton nodded. “I’m seeing someone. A boy.” “A good friend of mine, actually.” Virgil added. “Do we know this boy?” Patton’s father asked. “Is he in your class?” Patton shook his head. “He was in the GSA club with me last year though.” “Not this year?” Curiosity was clear on his mother’s face. “No. He’s only in town because Virgil needed him.” Virgil gently nudged Patton’s leg again. “He’s supposed to be at college.” There was silence after that. The kids at the table were looking between Patton and their parents. Patton looked down at his food, fighting back tears. Virgil saw how he was acting and decided he couldn’t stay quiet. He realized he didn’t like seeing Patton look so defeated. “Logan is a wonderful person. He’s been with me through everything, ever since we first met. And it’s clear that he cares for Patton. I haven’t seen him so happy around someone as he is around your son. He’s showing more emotions and honestly, he’s getting tongue tied. Which is not something he does, like ever. He’s always been very careful with his speech. That’s one of the many reasons he was able to graduate early. “Logan is honored to be dating your son. And the two of them together are fucking amazing. And it shouldn’t be your place to make Patton feel bad for following his heart because his heart is what lead him to ask you to let me stay. His heart was the one who lead him to Roman, who is another fucking amazing person that’s in Patton’s life. You have no place to judge him just because the person he loves is a little older than him.” Virgil looked at Patton, honestly amazed that he didn’t just get told to watch his language from the younger boy, especially because he spoke to his family like that. And in front of his younger siblings. “No one should be judged for who they love.” Virgil turned his gaze to Patton’s parents again. “Logan’s brilliant and kind and trusting. He cares about Patton more than I’ve seen him care for anyone he doesn’t consider family. Patton helps balance Logan out too by showing him that his emotions are valid and something that can be understood with time and learning. They work amazingly off each other and together. And anyone who can’t see that within the first five seconds of seeing them together is a blind idiot. And anyone who doesn’t allow such a badass love flourish is a worse idiot.” Virgil reached out and touched Patton’s hand under the table, gently squeezing it to let him know that he was there. That nothing was going to change about that. Patton quickly squeezed it back and didn’t let go. He needed the reassurance more than anything right now. As much as he wanted his family to approve of Logan, he knew that Virgil standing up for their love like that was enough for him not to let it go. It was really nice to hear such amazing things about that love.

Despite that, the silence was starting to get to him. He wanted someone to say something. He’d rather hear that they didn’t approve than this nothingness. Deep down he knew that the kids wouldn’t get involved, they were too young to fully understand what was happening, but he wished they would say something. Anything.

They’re going to ban you from seeing him. They’re going to kick Virgil out for talking to them like that. They might even kick me out. I really hope not, but they might. What if they do? Where am I going to go? I can’t put that on Logan or Roman. It wouldn’t be fair. I couldn’t put that on them. Especially because Virgil would have nowhere to go now. Virgil squeezed Patton’s hand hard, pulling him from the thoughts in his head. There was concern in his eyes when Patton met them. Patton gave him a very small shake of his head, answering the unspoken question between them. With a nod that was just as small, Virgil pushed himself away from the table, his hand never leaving Patton’s.

“Come on Pat.” Virgil said softly, gently pulling Patton to his feet. He continued to gently lead Patton out of the dining room, up to their room. Once inside, Virgil closed the door and moved to sit on Patton’s bed, never letting go of his hand. Patton sat next to him, looking down at the floor. Virgil put his arm around Patton and softly pushed him so he was leaning against his chest. At that small motion, Patton couldn’t hold back his tears. He buried his face into Virgil’s hoodie and sobbed. He was acutely aware of Virgil’s hand rubbing softly up and down his back. His whole body wracked with each sob, and he knew that he should care that he was messing up Virgil’s jacket, or being in close contact with him for so long but he didn’t. All he cared about right now was crying until he felt better. Virgil was softly mumbling reassurances to him until the sobs subsided. Patton hiccuped now that his breathing was more under control. “S’rry Virge.” “It’s snot a problem Patton. I did the same to you at Roman’s.” Patton couldn’t help but let out a small giggle at the pun. “Still.” Patton sat up and used his sleeve to wipe his eyes. “I know you don’t like touch.” “Pat, I’d rather be here for you to hang on to and cry when you need it, then you have to do it alone. I still don’t like most touch but with you and Logan and even Roman, I’m starting to not mind it as much. With you guys I know I’m safe. Just no ninja hugs ok? At least warn a dude.” A small smile spread across Patton’s lips. “No surprise hugs. And I’m really glad you’re getting more used to touch kiddo.” “All thanks to you three.” There was a soft knock on the door. Patton turned to look at it, not sure if he was up for whoever was on the other side. Virgil didn’t move to open it, letting Patton be the one who decided. After a couple seconds, there was another soft knock. Knowing that it was his mother and that she probably wouldn’t give up easily, Patton sighed and stood up. Virgil stood as well, but didn’t move to open the door, more as a way to help protect Patton again if needed and show him that he backed him up. Patton opened the door to his mother on the other side. “Oh Patton.” She said, noticing the tear lines on his face. “Sweetheart. We’re sorry. We didn’t mean to make you cry.” “It’s ok mom.” “It’s really not.” Virgil said, more to himself, but Patton still turned around and gave him a disapproving look. “Virgil’s right.” Patton turned around to face his mother again. “We shouldn’t’ve made you feel bad for who you love. It’s just a lot for us to take in. If this boy caught your eye and you love him, then we should support you. And with what Virgil told us about him, he sounds like a very kind man. We’d like to meet him, and get to know him.” “Really?” Patton almost didn’t want to believe it. “Really. Anyone who has such faithful friends must be a good person. We should give him a chance.” She looked at Virgil. “Though hopefully with less cursing in front of the others.” Virgil blushed slightly. “Sorry.” “Put a few dollars in the swear jar and we’ll count it even.” There was a faint smile on her lips. “You defended your friend, I can’t be upset with you for it.” “He’s like my brother. He was there when no one else was. I’d defend him through anything. I probably could’ve handled it a little better though.”

“You spoke your mind. We can’t be upset with you about that either.” “You guys aren’t mad with me being in love with someone in college?” Patton asked, hope seeping through his question. “Of course we’re not honey.” Patton’s mother held her arms open to him. Patton quickly hugged her. “I’m glad. I’m really glad.” “Let us know when he’s free for dinner.” “I will mom.” Virgil couldn’t help but smile. He was glad that Patton’s family was supportive. And the smile that was on Patton’s face was well worth any talking to he’d get for his cursing in the future. He wanted Logan and Patton to have their happily ever after and would do anything to make it happen.

#sanders side fic #virgil sanders #protective virgil #patton sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #ivity and anx #tw cursing #tw spiraling thoughts #tw crying

[peachyuns]

soulmate!jaehyun

i looped no more dream and first love to write this . i

prompt: “soulmate au where you hear background music for the most important parts of your life, and when you meet your soulmate it’s dramatic and romantic music”

WELL

as a kid, you never really understood the whole “soulmate” concept

so when music would just randomly play when you’re 2 seconds away from fighting some kid for stealing your banana milk

more specifically, “the final countdown”

you’d be completely confused

and you couldn’t even be sad whenever your little goldfish die bc weird, dramatic ass music would just start playing as you’re getting ready to flush it down the toilet and ?? w hy

“do u hear the creepy music???? we probably shouldn’t go into the forest at like 2 in the morning?????? we are going to die”

you didn’t understand it until you were 17 and it happened

you were with your best friend and all of a sudden she just started to look around all confused???

“do you hear that”

“hear what”

“the fucking music!!! what is that”

“r u taking xanax or”

“nO THERE’S MUSIC”

and then all of a sudden a girl comes out and she’s also looking around all confused

and it’s like

“oh”

“i think it’s-”

“oh my god, that’s whose ass i’m gonna be eating for the rest of my life!”

“huh???”

“soulmate!!!!!!!”

so after that

you finally understand the whole music concept

and even when you’re in college

and failing like half of your tests

you’d just be sitting there and all of a sudden sad music would start to play and it’s like “o thx for reminding me that i literally got a 30% on this test yes”

and at your first college party

some cute guy keeps looking at you

and when you make eye contact Sexy ;)))))) music starts to play

so you’re like Yeet lmaoo

you also go through that short “i’m never gonna find my soulmate” phase

and the point in ur life that is just filled with misfortune lmaoo

“will i ever be able to hear happy music again what is going on”

so to make yourself feel better

you start going to this one bakery that has really fucking good chocolate cake every day

and you meet a couple of boys that are just rlly fuckin wild and weird and funny

and you spend a lot of your time there with them

“johnny have you found your soulmate????”

“found them when i was like 7″

“i’m literally fucking 21 and i haven’t found them yet i’m going to be alone with my 12 dogs forever :(((((”

“no u won’t be alone!!!!! you’ll have ur 12 dogs!”

you don’t even have time to say anything bc crazy action music starts to play

and you’re like are you fuckin kidding me lol

and you look over and there’s like a big ass fire in the back

“uhhhhh johnny?????”

“o shit”

“yeah”

but!!! then

romantic music starts to play at the same time

“this is rlly about to happen right now huh”

once you and everyone are out of the building and like firefighters are called jdhfhdjdfh

you bump into someone

yay surprise it’s jaehyun

and you’re literally getting a headache from the loud action music and then the cute romantic music playing at the same fucking timekfjfjhg

mood honestly

but he starts to hear the music too

and he’s just trying to pay attention to you and not the fire behind you but u know it’s a little fucking difficult

“do you think maybe we can like postpone this bc there is a fire right over there and i’ve been having a shitty month where have u been mr”

he’s kind of just like “well good luck to me my soulmate is a mess lmao”

“sorry???? um-”

“there’s no time for talking right now give me ur number so. i can incessantly bother u”

he just feels like he has no choice you’re literally so fucking demanding fjhgfhdsj

“take a cute fucking picture too i like ur face”

“ok fuck- just calm down for a second”

“you don’t tell me what to do you left me out here like an idiot for 21 years”

“aren’t we both at fault for not finding each other sooner”

“no just you, now give me my phone”

he’s just left standing there while he watches you leave

“what the fuck even just happened”

so you go home all angry

and your roommate is just like oh fuck No i’m not abt to deal with this

“tAEYONG I FOUND HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“found what”

“my soulmate u dickhead”

“name?”

“it says jaehyun in my phone”

“oh hey, i know him!!!!”

“w hat”

“yeah he literally went to college with us dumbfuck”

so that same night you call him

bc he’s ur soulmate u can do whatever the fuck u want

“took you long enough to pick up ugh”

“it rang once before i picked up what do you mean???”

“anyway we’re going on a date tomorrow”

“that was quick”

“quick??????? we are soulmates, my dude”

“pizza then??”

“i’m in love with you jaehyun”

“anyway”

so the next day you get ready to go on your little date with jaehyun

and in all honesty, he doesn’t know what to expect bc he didn’t think his soulmate would be like………………….you

he just caught you at a bad time in your life lmao

“i’m surprised he still wants to go on a date with you after all of that”

“ugh u right i’m a fucking mess what business do i have going on a date with an actually really cute boy and suddenly i’m nervous!!! fuck you taeyong”

“i’m moving out. right now”

“you do that”

okay anyway so like you drive to the pizza place

bc you refused to have jaehyun pick you up

and you’re nervous but you’re also not bc you’ve been through some shit already

like you literally met your soulmate??? while the bakery you were in was on fire???

what else could go wrong

so you go inside and then the romantic music starts to play again

“is it gonna do that every time we see each other”

“i fucking hope not….. unless they start playing the grammy worthy song dedicated to jesse ‘he could be the one’ by icon hannah montana”

“jaehyun what”

“nothing let’s just sit”

he kind of just sits there looking all cute and dumb

and so are you lmao

“how are you?”

wrong question!!!!!!!

“how aM i?? i have been miserable for the last 2 months and then the universe just decides to throw you at me while there’s a fire going on and it’s a mess, everything is a mess!!! you’re really cute and stuff and it’s like oh maybe the universe made a mistake bc there is no way a boy as cute as you is my soulmate i’m literally going to Combust”

“oh no please don’t cry! i’m sorry i couldn’t find you earlier- oh god there’s snot, okay”

he’s panicking and you’re ugly crying and the rest of the customers are just like lol wtf

he has to pull you out of the restaurant to save you from more embarrassment and then all of sudden he’s hugging you and it’s like ?? wow comforting

“god dude i’m really sorry, i ruined the date and you have such a weird soulmate and ?? why”

“hey it’s okay!!! i hope this doesn’t make you cry even more but it was pretty entertaining how you yelled at me the first time we met and i don’t know. you’re cute and a wreck and yeah”

“i don’t know if i want to punch you in the throat or like kiss you but yeah okay”

“well the day isn’t over, and honestly i already know i’d like to do this with you again… so”

you don’t know if your face is all red from you crying or how sweet he is but ugh fucking Superb

“oh that sounds nice. i promise i won’t cry next time, hopefully”

n he’s just staring at you?? with a tiny smile on his face

and he finds you so endearing

and you’re getting butterflies but ohmhfjdhf

and it’s awkward but a nice awkward and wow????

“will you like… stop looking at me like that”

“like what?”

“i don’t know”

“like i think you’re absolutely adorable?”

“yeah….”

“no, bc i do”

#jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun imagines #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nctwriters #jaehyun fluff #nct fluff #i don't even know what this is i

[ichixmocha]

apathy

word count: 1310

pairing: James Talloran/Draven Kondraki

source material: SCP Foundation

warnings: mild smut (its not a smutfic tho, very brief, just angst), self-harm

James forgot how to feel

“I am James Talloran, age ■■,” James was vacantly staring into the bathroom mirror. “I am James Talloran.” He repeated to himself again, and again.

Every morning for the past few months he has been doing this. Wake up at 5 am. Reaffirm your status as a real human being. Check for anything out of the ordinary marked the night before. It helped James keep his mind straight with the everlasting doubt and confusion of your world shattering behind you for 2 million years. 

Paranoia was just another regular emotion for him now.

He felt wrong. His body felt displaced. Draven said he seemed better than before, James thought otherwise.

I’m James Talloran, Draven Kondraki’s boyfriend, James recited his usual script. I disappeared for months and he still waited for me for what felt like a lifetime, I would’ve thought he moved on. I don’t really remember what happened, haha! I was happy he waited.

The last part was always dry. He had no sense of happy anymore. Sometimes he spent nights staring at the roof unwillingly, Why can’t I feel fulfilled? Do I love him still?

He heard the alarm clock go off realizing it was 7 am and time for Draven to wake up. 

James walked back into their bedroom and just stood at the edge of the room, waiting patiently for Draven to stir. He never did, he slept way too heavily to be woken up by such a soft alarm.

“Babe.. Babe. Time to get up.” James whispered at Draven, gently prodding him to rouse him from his sleep, “Babe. Draven. It’s 7 am.” He enjoyed doing this, to say the least, he thought his boyfriends bedhead was the cutest thing ever. 

And the way he rustled himself out of bed like a sloth was endearingly dopey.

The rest of the day was uneventful. 

Or maybe it was and James just didn’t know. 

Or care. Or feel. 

He felt almost like a husk with a brain, just propelling himself along.

Did you hear about that breach at Site-■■, about 8 fatalities.

Is that so? Disappointing.

Yeah! Haha, that’s really how the cookie crumbles in this line of work though.

James didn’t care. 8 people dead? There's 7 billion more to replace them. The Foundation didn’t care as much either. 

D-class personnel existing is proof enough.

James was thankful his lack of emotional response to these types of things were commonplace in the Foundation, where your friends die in strange ways, and relationships are ruined because someone caught a virus that turns them into an entirely new person made of gears and metal parts. 

Or so he’s heard.

James ran on autopilot for the next 8 hours.

“Hey. Wake up. What do you want for dinner?” Draven prodded at James with a fork, “I’m cooking soon so you better hurry up and answer or I’ll choose.”

“Whatever’s good.” James snapped back into reality, “Is it already 6..?” He realized he spent the whole day wallowing in non-existence. Not unusual, but not very pleasant. “Sorry.”

“What’re you apologizing for? You didn’t do anything wrong.” Draven questioned him, “At least.. I don’t think so” Draven leaned in to kiss him and got a flick to the forehead. “Hey!”

“I’m apologizing for being lazy and napping. Go make dinner you sappy shit.” James spoke at a steady tone, “Oh and also, I love you.”

“Love you too, bun!” Draven spun around on his heel and walked back into the kitchen.

James watched as his boyfriend turned the corner and once he was out of sight he just buried his face in his hands and went back to sleep.

The time was 10 pm, the lights were off, and the air was heavy.

Draven was on top of James, sliding his fingers out of the bottoms ass. 

He glanced down at James and smiled. “Fuck, you are so cute like this.” 

It’s only natural I’d be turned on by sex. James found it hard to take Draven seriously when he was knuckle deep in James’ ass.

“S-same to.. Gh.. you,” James moaned. Fuck. This isn’t fair. He deserves someone who is actually emotionally there. I’m not that.

“Fuck.. F-” James choked on his own words as he came, way too early at that. “Hh-hng.. Sorry. Sorry.” He began to cry. “I’m sorry.”

“Haha,” Draven felt a bit of pride in himself for making his boyfriend cum so quickly, “I didn’t realize I was t- wait what? Are you okay? Do you…” 

That pride dissipated as quickly as it came once he realized his boyfriend was crying.

“D-did I hurt you?? Are you okay? D-do you need.. Uh..” Draven trailed off, irritated with himself and upset for his partner. “Fuck. How did I..”

Why is he apologizing? He didn’t do anything wrong, it’s all my fault.

“James.. I..” Draven grabbed his partners hand tight, “I’m here. It’s okay. What’s wrong. Please tell me.” He leaned in closer. “Please?”

“I. I don’t.. Draven, I can’t feel anything anymore.” James regained his composure enough to speak a bit more, “A-and.. I don’t know how to feel about.. You.. or anything..” James felt sick. The guilt was overwhelming. He just told his boyfriend, who he cares about more than anything in the world, he doesn’t know if he loves him anymore.

“J-James.. I.. how long have you been feeling like this..?” Draven was shaken.

“...months now..? I-I don’t really remember.. I just woke up one day and everything just felt.. Grey.. and displaced.” James averted his gaze from his partners. “A-and.. Uh.. I’ve been.. Trying to like, fuck, I don’t know, cope with it? Fix it? B-but.. It’s just all too much for me.” He sighed and buried his face in his hands.

James wanted to crawl into a hole and have this be over with. Wake up one day and everything is just A-Ok! 

But he knew that wasn’t possible. And he didn’t want to go any farther with harming himself, the cuts on his legs were too fresh. He was just begging to feel something.

When Draven first saw James’ scars it shocked him. He wasn’t sure how he didn’t notice beforehand because they definitely weren’t fresh. 

He felt disgustingly guilty for letting his boyfriend do that to himself. But, he felt even worse for letting his boyfriend suffer enough that he had to do it to himself, in secret.

Draven began to cry and grabbed his boyfriends hand and held it tight. “Y-you know.. My Dad always said love was a commitment, not a feeling. Love can feel fleeting at times.. B-but.. The commitment to keep a relationship going despite feelings of insecurity.. Fuck.. I don’t know what I’m saying.”

 Draven squeezed his boyfriends hand tighter and let out a whimper. “I’m sorry for not noticing sooner.. Or even, like, asking sooner.. I know how tough things are but you are strong.. Or so I thought. No one is infallible. I was dumb to think so.”

“Draven….” James grabbed his boyfriends hand back. “DRAVEN!” James began to sob harder. “I- *sniff* I don’t want to lose you! I fucking love you.. More than anything in the world.” He wiped the snot from his face, eyes still red, puffy, and full of tears, and glanced up at his crying boyfriend. “So please, stay with me?”

Draven took a moment to compose himself. “Always. I’ll always be right with you. I promise.” 

Draven reached over to the nightstand and grabbed some tissues. “Now clean yourself up, you are literally stickier than flypaper. It’s gross.”

James giggled, “Alright. Alright. I admit it is gross being covered in lube, snot, and cum at the same time.” James got up, glancing over at his boyfriend laying on the bed with a smile on his face staring back at himself. “Thanks.”

Draven grinned even wider, “No problem, bun.”

#draven kondraki #james talloran #scp #talloraven #scp foundation #writing #I bring you.. This.