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bubbleddisasters · 12 days

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Stupid Shit I’ve done/Gotten myself into by accident/been dragged into as Twisted Wonderland Characters:

—————-

Ace : Heard my sister screaming bloody murder downstairs and didn’t do shit because I assumed she was watching a horror movie. Turns out there was a fire in the oven.

Bonus: Sniped my friend in the eye from across the Cafeteria with a Ketchup Packet, Meant to hit his glasses, but he repositioned them at the last second.

Deuce: Answered Maine four times on a Historical Geography test and was wrong all four times.

Cater: Threw my phone out of the window in a panic after seeing one of my Idols followed me back.

Bonus : Accidentally convinced a transfer camper from Wales I was from London after I quoted something in the accent to myself in the showers and was too awkward to tell them I wasn’t when they struck up the conversation.

(I am from America, and the camp is in America.)

Trey: Accidentally created a puddle of Dark Red Icing and Stepped in it four times in a row while making a cake at 2 am.

Bonus : Befriended and helped out the owner of a French Bakery down the street when they started out, they ended up becoming really popular (rightfully so, her stuff is amazing) and now I either get free shit and/or Friends and Family Discounts.

Riddle : I have read the dictionary on multiple occasions out of sheer boredom.

Bonus: I once read the bible and marked down verses. Im not religious I just needed to win an argument.

Leona: Slept through an earthquake and 3 ambulances coming to my house bcs my sister was hurt.

Ruggie: Waited for families going inside to pass by and asked them to hold the door for me so I could sneak into a VIP rooms for free food. (Usually only at fancy hotels but luckily this strategy is flexible when your 5’2 with a baby face.)

Jack: Used to Smash open large rocks containing Crystals or Quartz at the beach as a kid, and now I have a large collection of them.

Bonus: I have extremely good hearing, to the point I hear into the negative decibels up to -15 - -20 (according to the audiologist this is rare but i literally don’t know shit about audio and decibels) so my old dormmates used to try and bribe me to tell them what I heard about certain things or themselves.

Bonus 2: Almost got shot by an illegal hunter while in the woods with my sister.

Floyd : Cracked my skull open at the pool, lost consciousness for a few seconds and woke up in the water calling for help, then got confused on why I was calling for help.

Bonus : A Sea lion once came up to me while I was scuba diving and did little circles, bumped its snout on my mask and just followed me the whole time in a very gleeful manner as a temporary homie.

Bonus 2: Apparently ate / took bites of my moms library books as a little kid (????) according to the librarian.

Jade: Taught myself to untie my hands with my hands behind my back, tie by hands behind my back with my hands behind my back, deciphered, translated and memorized a fictional hieroglyphic language, Read from Act 1 to Act 6 of Homestuck, and accidentally discovered how to disguise Chocolate Ice Cream as Pistachio; all within the span of 2 weeks. (I had covid and was A-Symptomatic)

Bonus : Lived in the Woods for 7 months (in total), had a large bag of mica and Almost Drowned in a tent when there was no moving water nor rain. (Basically, I was asleep, Woke up underwater, nearly went back to bed, then shot out of my tent screaming “My Tent Titanticed!” )

(It was like 3 am don’t judge me)

Azul: Somehow ended up with $2200 dollars in $100s in Monopoly at the end of the game. Also have been stuck between two identical twins while talking with both and boi that shits TRIPPY. (I also almost died with them later but it was fine)

Bonus: I lived on a middle of fuck knows where island during the spring and summer up until covid, yet I absolutely despise eating fish or Shellfish, and the smell often makes me nauseous.

(Bonus 2: I love shiny things, but very specifically fancy looking keys. I also had a weird obsession with signing a shiny contract after watching Ariel. Another tiny thing Is I own a Flotsam and Jetsam Scarf which I chuck around when Floyd or Jade pisses me off ingame.)

Kalim : Got distracted by a cool leaf while at a fancy resort in Xatapa, Mexico, and waddled off from my parents and explored around to try and find more, somehow managed to get extremely far and ended up lost in a whole different city for 6 hours while trying to find my way back.

Bonus 1: I had an obsession with Kiwis for awhile as a kid, and our neighbors house had a Pangium tree that reached over to our yard. (It was planted before either families moved in so we didn’t know) I thought it was some kind of strange Kiwi and ate one. I didn’t like it and was like “Oh maybe its not ripe” and waited 3-5 months then tried it again, same reaction, repeat process one more time.

I went to my parents out of curiosity and asked them what it was, and so after some process I am unaware of but I think my mom brought one of the fruits somewhere, we discovered what it was.

Pangium contains Fatal amounts of Cyanide if not properly prepared. I was fine but for the love of anything please don’t try eating it like little me did.

Bonus 2: I’ve Almost died more times than I can count on both hands and feet. Im not an heir or something fancy I just have wackass luck.

Jamil: Once had to talk my sister out of jumping off a tour boat because our cousin dared her to.

Bonus : Managed to make French Toast in the middle of the woods with Dehydrated Milk, Cinnamon, Three Eggs I stole, and a loaf of bread we got once a month. Also made 3 kinds marinated chicken in the middle of the woods.

(My Cooking Style is literally “just trust me bro.” I’m like Lilia except it actually works and is edible)

Epel : Whenever we went applepicking at my Grandfathers house, I’d climb into the trees and throw or pass the apples down. Sometimes I actually wish I could sit in trees more often shits comfy.

Bonus: My Mom was a Champion Horseback Rider as a kid, and sometimes took us to this Dude Ranch I shall not name for my own privacy, but I’d run around with this group of kids and this one herding dog like a damn movie protagonist, sometimes go riding horses, or the one time we stole a tractor and near crashed it (THE REGRETS I STILL HAVE-) etc.

The WHIPLASH from that to going back to a whitewashed Northeast suburban town is insane.

Rook: My Cousins and I, and sometimes the kids at the priorly mentioned ranch, would play the most intense games of manhunt (basically really intense hide n seek at night) ,

I mean wearing camo if you had it, alliances, little dollar store walkie-talkies, code words, binoculars, climbing in trees or hiding in bushes/tall grasses/Hay to “scout”.

I hid in a large pot/vase more than once and another time on a roof, and (ONLY ONCE, DO NOT DO THIS IM STUPID) under a car.

I still remain the top in last man standing points. Mostly bcs I’m stingy with rescues but shhh

Vil - Accidentally poured a lot of liquid eyeliner into my eye, was literally crying out Eyeliner for 30 minutes. Also taught myself to run and jump in heels as a kid because I thought it looked cool in movies.

Ortho : Unknowingly was Hacking my Elementary School Databank for several years,

I genuinely thought it was normal to go on the school website, press a few buttons and be able to find a friends address if I had a playdate and needed to tell my mom where the house was, a parents phone number if needed communication with my friends parents , and mostly ignored the other general info.

I didn’t even know I did this until my dad told me a few months ago that I almost got suspended for it but by the time they found out it was the end of my last year there. ;—;

Idia: Accidentally acquired both a Nahida and Eula in Genshin and was genuinely annoyed at the time, they are now my most powerful DPS’s…

Bonus : I own a shit ton of original Japanese first edition Pokemon Cards my cousin gave me, (they are probably worth more than me which is neat), and I have a giant pile of Pokemon plushies I have infact fallen asleep on or in on multiple occasions.

Bonus 2: I was playing Breath of the Wild, and my very first thing I did after getting off the plateau was beeline for the castle. I actually got all the way up and took out 2 blights but the Wind one kicked my ass.

Bonus 3: Got confessed to and asked out by a guy I did not like nor knew very well, and I panicked, said “Maybe, Sorry no.” And ran into a wall. Also have crawled through a chute to avoid an awkward situation as a kid (do not recommend its dusty and definitely not safe)

Bonus 4: Once didn’t sleep for 5 days.

Malleus : Accidentally attended a Private Party and a Private Funeral in the same week. I was not invited nor knew anyone present. Stayed there for most of it because I was too nervous to say I wasn’t supposed to be there. Whoop.

Bonus: Got nicknamed the “Trip Curse.” By my Old Dormmates because everytime I went on a trip with them everything seemed to go to shit or get hella chaotic.

Bonus 2: Another camping one: Once woke up at night with a shit ton of fireflies just chilling in my tent. It was serene but also I genuinely thought I was hallucinating for a few minutes.

Lilia: Literally will hang upside down anywhere I can, its so fun bro.

Bonus : I know an extremely large amount of useless historical information, and once genuinely realized I know more about poison than what flour and eggs are used for in baking.

Silver : Once befriended a wild horse ( Im like 90% sure he was a Chestnut).

I called him Clover the Dog like horse because he was honestly just a golden retriever in the body of a horse.

This is great and theres alot of sweet moments, but then theres the times you have a giant horse galloping full speed at you for attention or trying to nudge you affectionately and nearly pushing you into a creek in the process.

Sebek: Got groundstruck by lightning once. Also I am often told I have a loud voice.

Che’nya : a good friend of mine and I have an inside joke at school where if we see eachother through a window (my school has alot of indoor windows for some reason?), we’ll text the other “Behind you.” Or “To your left.”

——————-

Theres more things I can think of but I have run out of characters and this is getting too long, so ye!

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cosmic-ghost-hermit · 2 months

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Hello! The art on this reading is done by me! If yall wanna go check out my art blog its called @starlitghostfawn 🖤🩵🤍

Remember take what resonates, leave all the rest behind but always be open to new experiences!

PILE 1

Crystal: Green Fluorite

Astrology: Aries ♈️, Capricorn ♑️, Pisces ♓️, Virgo ♍️

Figurine: Blossom Bunny

Song: “Memory” by Toby Fox

Pile 3, your inner child has a pixie-like energy that makes them super hyper and happy. However, they have a huge complex about success. They are surrounded by expectations that were put upon them long ago. Now you are the only one putting those expectations on them. They need some time to play. Space to do whatever they please with no pressure to perform or to do your absolute best with no mistakes. Allow mistakes to be made. Allow yourself to be human. You are so hard on yourself and think yourself in circles over the littlest mis-step. Mistakes a part of humanity and being alive. Your inner child is an earth angel that is allowed to learn messily. You will make yourself and others proud even if you take time to let them free.

💚🩷🍡🍐🧚🏿‍♀️🧝🏽💗🌸🌷🪷🐛👛👒🧠🍀🍉💕🍣🍾🎀♻️🛍️🥝🍈🌳🐙🧚🏼💶💖📗🪴🐢

PILE 2

Crystal: Rose Quartz

Astrology: Scorpio ♏️, Taurus ♉️, Cancer ♋️, Aquarius ♒️

Figurine: My Melody

Song: “Wasteland, Baby” by Hozier

Pile 2, your inner child is congratulating and celebrating with you! They have this soft, shy energy. They have asked something from you and you gave it to them! Fantastic job, friend. I think what you have been working on is loving your inner child more actively. You worked through some emotional issues recently and met your inner child where they needed you. It has made your life different but happier! Maybe you showed them a love they haven’t felt before or at least haven’t felt in a long time. I definitely see maybe you did something new with your hair that your inner child finds so fun and fulfilling. I also see you could have worked through the root of an ED and are working on your recovery! Your inner child is so grateful to you. You are learning to love each other and trust each other. Which I see you have worked very hard on. You have been doing your shadow work and healing. It is time to take a break and pour yourself your favorite drink. Appreciate yourself for all the work you have been doing.

🤍🩷💛🐭🍯🥼🌸🩰🦢💑🎟️💒🔑🧺🛁🐰🌺👙🍰👻🌼🫀💅🏻🫖🧁💝⚜️⚱️💿🍭🍌🥞🐩

PILE 3

Crystal: Angelite

Astrology: Sagittarius ♐️, Gemini ♊️, Leo ♌️, Libra ♎️

Figurine: Cinnamoroll

Song: “always, i’ll care” by Jeremy Zucker

Hello, pile 3! Your inner child's energy is like a fire-cracker. They have a very spicy energy but it feels very tame. An outside force (probably a mother or another feminine role model) definitely shoved them in a box early on. Your spicy energy goes unappreciated by you because of how some of your inner child has been hidden away. Two things I think would be important for you to know about this. First, you are free of this third party who judged you. You don’t have them hanging over your shoulder anymore. You are free to let your inner child be themselves. Second thing, your inner child’s aggression is a very useful and protective tool. Let them get angry. Let them bark at people. Not allowing that energy out is less protective than relaxing and permitting them to protect you from people or things that you know hurt you. I know you’re scared to empower them. Their discomfort is worthy of being addressed. You don’t have to keep them away to remain safe anymore. You are 100% allowed to be a little brat sometimes and there is nothing wrong with that. Anger is part of the human experience and is important to keep some control over but not a total domination. Free the little one.

🩵🤍🌊⚗️📖🔪💦🏳️❄️🦋🛜💎🔭✉️🍚🪼👗🔂🛏️🗯️🧊💍📘♿️🪥💀🕯️🥶🫂👖🐋☁️

-ghost 👻🩵

#tarot #tarot reading #astrology #pick a crystal #pick a pile #tarot pick a card #crystals #pick a card #spirituality #spiritualgrowth #spirit #witchcraft #witchblr #witch community

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poseidonsdaughterthesiren · 3 months

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The Daughter of Poseidon: Chapter Two

Della pulls Jason along to meet Chiron. She glances at him every once in a while and he looks panicked.

“You know no one is going to execute you right?” she giggles.

Jason’s face resembles a deer in headlights. He pauses by a sign.

“You know something about who I am right? You and that Annabeth girl were very invested in my arm.” Jason’s blue eyes were full of paranoia.

Della sighs, “Look I don’t know who you are. That mark on your arm is unusual, and you know the gods by their Roman personas.”

Jason crosses his arms, “How do I know this Chiron guy isn’t going massacre me?”

“Chiron is just and fair. He won’t kill you unless you give him a reason. Now let's go I need to talk to Beth.” Della begins to walk towards the trail.

“About that Percy kid right?” Jason doesn’t move from his spot.

“Yes,” Della sighs, “about that Percy kid.” She swallows hard holding back any feeling that tries to escape her.

Jason has moved to the trailhead now, “Who is–”

“He’s my brother,” Della sniffs, “Let’s go.”

They meander up the trail to the Big House. A four-story manner painted baby blue with white trim. The wraparound porch had longue chairs, a card table, and an empty wheelchair.

“I’m not supposed to be here,” Jason said. He stands petrified on the spot.

“It’ll be fine Jason, I’ll be here the whole time. You won’t get massacred.”

Jasons nods.

The sound of hoof steps came from the house and Jason straightened like a soldier at attention.

Della smiles at the centaur on the porch, “Hey Chiron this is Jason.”

Jason backs up so fast he almost trips.

Chiron adorns his World's Best Centaur shirt and has his bow on his back. He ducks to avoid the porch light and starts to smile at Jason. Then the color drained from his face.

“You…” Chiron says, “You should be dead.”

An uncomfortable silence passes over the three of them.

“Adella, I need to speak to Jason in private,” Chiron says. He was stiff as a board.

Della frowns, “Are you sure I can stay if you–”

“Adella, now please.”

Della nods and steps back from the pair.

Jason’s face screams HELP ME!

Della pats him on the back. Once the door clicks shut. She makes her way down the trail.

The ring of cabins is deserted. Everyone is off doing activities to keep busy. She stops in her cabin and grabs her market bag. She shuts the door and makes her way to the lake.

Once her feet hit the shore she slips off her sneakers and sets them to the side. The wreckage of the chariot was cleaned up. The only evidence of the event was a black smoldering mark on the sand.

Della rummages through her bag, she should clean this thing out more often. Shells from Dad–no, blue Jolly Ranchers–no, aha! Della pulls a quartz crystal and a drachma. She sets the bag by her shoes. Skillfully, Della angles it to create the smallest of rainbows she tosses the drachma and says,

“Iris goddess of the rainbow please accept this offering. Show me Percy Jackson.”

Nothing happens.

Della sighs and sticks the quartz back in her bag. She should’ve known. Normally, the offering presents you with the person you’re trying to get a hold of. Ever since Perc went missing any time Della or Annabeth tried nothing happened.

Frustration seeps into Della. She knew better than to let it fester. Fully clothed in her oversized orange shirt and cut-off shorts she slips into the lake. She swims towards the bottom. Perks of being Posedion’s kid she could breathe underwater.

She nuzzles herself into a little spot crosses her legs and tries (key word tries) to meditate. Not achieving her goal Della opens her eyes to green mist instead of blue water.

Free me daughter of Poseidon, or the Earth will swallow us. It must be by solstice! A familiar older woman’s voice rang through her head, “FREE ME!”

Della gasps awake. She wasn’t underwater anymore. No, instead she’s levitating above the middle of the lake—no sign of the green mist or the voice. There is however a crowd of campers by the lake.

“Della!” Will yells, “Della, are you okay?”

Is she okay? She tries to control the water to help when whatever force is holding her up decides to drop her. Before she can crash into the lake she is caught by Will.

“You good?” Will asks.

Della gives him a dazed look, “Chiron–I need to see Chiron. Vision, bad vision”

Will sets her down but keeps an arm on her just in case, “Alright everybody move. Nothing to see here.”

Della tries moving forward when her legs nearly give out. She grabs Will again.

Will swiftly scoops her up and rushes them towards the Big House.

“Ugh, I’m never going to live this down am I?” Della asks.

“Don’t worry Dell,” Will pants, “I’ll let you keep your dignity.”

She focuses on staying awake. She vaguely remembers feeling like this at the Lotus. Disoriented.

Will bangs through the doors of the Big House.

Chiron, Annabeth, and Jason's heads all snap toward them.

“Will? Della? What happened?” Annabeth places a hand on Della’s forehead.

“I don’t know,” Will pants, “She was floating above the lake and then she fell. I barely caught her–then she said she needed to see Chiron–something about a vis–”

“A vision?” a unique voice said from the couch. Red hair appears in Della’s tunnel vision. Rachel.

“Rachel?” Della croaks. She tries to roll out of Will’s arms.

Will takes the hint and sets her on her feet. He and Annabeth both have a hand on her.

“Will, go prep the infirmary, I need to speak to Della,” Chiron orders.

Will slips his hand off her and dashes out the door.

Annabeth slips Della’s arm over her shoulder for stability.

“Chiron,” Della rasps, “Green smoke–meditating–solstice–”

“It would seem Della has had the same vision as Ms. McLean.”

“Huh? Piper had a vision?”

“More like Hera hijacked Rachel who seemed to have communicated for her,” Annabeth says.

“But Della wasn’t in the cabin–” Annabeth says.

“Guys,” Jason says, “She doesn’t look too good.”

“Della?”

Della felt her spinning like she was on the merry-go-round with Percy and their mom on the beach. Her knees buckle, and she slips out of Annabeth’s grasp on the floor. She can see him. Percy. He’s running by a freeway Riptide at the ready. “Percy? Percy, I can see you” she sighs. He just barely glances at her before the darkness swallows her like one of her father’s waves.

#heroes of olympus #percy and annabeth #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #oc character #jason grace #leo valdez #piper mclean #the lost hero #pjo hoo #percy jackson x sister reader #jason grace x reader #jason grace x jackson!reader

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1galaxia369 · 5 months

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SCORPIO RISING ♏️

A new door is opening, one that leads to a new life. The universe is offering a surge of creative energy, ideas and spiritual awakenings. You are being placed in the right position and it will change your life for the better. A new air of fulfillment is out and you have lungs full of it. Now is the right time I'm hearing, your mind is right and you have the right plan, time to actually believe in yourself. It's time to move forward from that place of hurt and neglect. Pour into your self and do whatever is needed for healing. Inner work is needed here, too many feelings go unchecked with you. You're not facing them, these feelings have to do with you and how you feel about yourself. Anything that negatively affects you will also affect your success rate so you'll to need to check that. Investigate each feeling and thought, why do I think that way? Be truthful in answering for actual results.

The theme for you guys is 'choices'. You need to make a choice it's either you're going to stick to familiarity or your going to chose to take the leap of faith for yourself. This is an important decision. The two choices are two extremes, on one hand, you have the choice of repeating old cycles, the choice of running back to behaviors that you are comfortable with…out of fear. Fear of failure ( there's no such thing as failure!), fear of being out of your comfort zone ( you've built up a coping routine; leaping into your new plans might disrupt that but, you need to be strong), fear of being seen ( too many eyes and admiration is not something you're used to, the shadows are where you belong, people are too much) and fear of success ( when I get successful how much will everything change? Will I be happy? Will everyone still love me? Well…there's only way to find out!). On the other hand, you have the choice to let go of all those fears and lean into the outcome where you've chased your dreams and are successful. Where you embarked on this journey and you experienced so much amazing new things and now you’re a different person, more whole and content and free. Everyday you wake up excited to see what the day ahs in store for you. This energy is something that's coming in but the choice is yours of course.

You should start thinking about this seriously. The universe is seriously working with you and for you. You have to make the choice tho. Not choosing what you want for yourself will lead to heartbreak and disappointment. Trust yourself and trust that you are strong, smart, creative and capable of miracles. Leaning into your old patterns won't bode well for you. Trust your intuition it will guide you, you choosing yourself will bring in alot of abundance for you. The universe always gives big rewards for your hard work and sacrifice, self love is not an easy thing to keep up because there's a lot of discipline and hard choices, your spirit guides are trying to set you up for a better future but you have to love yourself enough to want it. You have to love yourself enough. You are enough. You are deserving and you need to remember that. Always.

I recommend Rose quartz, Flourite, pyrite, carnelian,citirine. Work with florida water and palo santo. Sage if you can. Spend some time in nature if you can, sea water is very cleansing. Practice gratitude. NO NEGATIVE SELF TALK!

10:10

#tarot #tarot reading #astrology #spirituality #scorpio #scorpio rising #zodiac

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vixonspixels · 5 months

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Hi, I love your profile and sims! I’m ‘kind of’ new to the sims world! I’ve been playing since 2018, but not religiously. I just wanted to ask about your mods folder (sorry if it states somewhere on your profile these kind of questions aren’t allowed, i’m new to tumblr too and still understanding how it works). Feel free to ignore this question if it’s not allowed. I understand that by having lots of folders within the mods folder it can make the game lag. I just wanted to ask how your mods folder looks? As I want to keep mine tidy and be able to find certain cc easily. I’m also in the process of buying a pc as I am currently using a macbook and have so much cc it’s starting to not work… If you have any tips or suggestions with having a pc (if you have one yourself) and how your set up looks, I would really appreciate it. Thank you!! 🤍

Hello darling and thankyou so much! 🤍 Welcome to tumblr 💁‍♀️🤍

I think lag in your game mostly depends on what kind of computer/laptop you're using. I have just over 50gb at the moment and my game still runs as smooth as it does vanilla ( no mods at all ). I know some people who have 100gb+ and they don't have lag issues either. Again I think it boils down to the computer itself, and what it can handle

I personally chose to go for a custom built computer so that I could choose my own parts as I really wanted a computer that could handle a lot of mods and also I wanted my game to run nice and smoothly, my partner is a bit of a nerd when it comes to computers so he knew exactly what kind of specs I needed

When it comes to my mods folder I am super organised, that way when patch day comes I know exactly where everything is to be able to take it out of my mods folder until its updated etc. I'll pop in some photos of what my folder looks like so you can see below. Trust me it didn't always look like this 😂

If you're struggling with lag then a short term fix would be to have a good clear out of your mods folder and delete everything that you don't reach for often, you can even go as far as deleting swatches of clothes and build buy items that you don't like. I cleared around 5gb last week just by removing swatches from some build buy items that were high in mb's. For example, I had a bed frame that was 320mb in size so I deleted all of the swatches except for the one that I liked the most lol

What my mods folder looks like

The only suggestion I will give regarding picking a computer out is to take your time and do your research! I really rushed my build and didn't want to wait for the white case that I liked so I ended up with the black one I have now that doesn't match my set up at all haha

When getting your computer the main things to look out for is making sure you've got enough storage and a good graphics card, obviously everything is important but these two for me where the main ones I focused on. If you do go custom built for example, you can always upgrade your parts very easily, where as if its pre built I'm not too sure if the cases are universal to fit different brands of parts in if that makes sense?

I am in no way a pro, I had alot of help from my partner when it came to building my computer. If you need help when the time comes feel free to give me a message and I can run things by my partner to help you choose what parts or pre built etc

I'll leave a few photos below of what my setup looks like, I just got the aurora collection for christmas and I also have the razer quartz collection too ( I prefer the aurora lol ). I can easily recommend you some good equipment also if you're not into the aurora or razer products. If you're looking for set up inspo then I would highly recommend browsing through Pinterest, that's where I got the majority of ideas for the aesthetic of mine. Pink and white are my favourite colours, hence the colour palette haha

If you need any help at all with specs or anything else at all feel free to pop me a message or reply to this post 🤍

#answered

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dentiststoothfairy · 7 months

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Greetings!! Is it possible to ask for some headcanons of Antonio and/or Melly comforting a reader who’s been Going Through It.™️??

I’m unsure what characters you do and don’t write for along with how many characters per request so I’m completely fine if you just pick one.

~Frost Anon❄️

[ 🦷🎀 𝙶𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚋𝚎 𝚑𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝙵𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝙰𝚗𝚘𝚗, 𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚔𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚐𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙵𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚖 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚘 𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚗. 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝙰𝚗𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚘 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚒𝚗𝚏𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝙼𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎'𝚜 𝚗𝚘 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚟𝚎 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍. 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝙸'𝚖 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚠𝚊𝚢, 𝙸'𝚖 𝚍𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚗. 𝙸 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚋𝚊𝚍. 𝚆𝚑𝚘 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚜? 𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚎 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚎, 𝚘𝚛 𝚕𝚊𝚞𝚐𝚑. 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝙸'𝚖 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸'𝚖 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚊𝚢. 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚙𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞. 𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚝𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚗𝚘𝚠, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚊𝚜 𝚑𝚎𝚌𝚔. 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛. 𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝚒𝚝 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜𝚗'𝚝 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚗𝚘𝚠.]

🎻 𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐎 🎻 𝐚𝐧𝐝 🐝 𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐘 ��𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐔𝐒 🐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒/𝐎

🎻 𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐎 🎻

Antonio is a soothing kind of person.

He, as a preformer, it was a natural instinct for him to want to make people people happy. Their eyes turned upwards in a smile always soothes his artistic (possessed) soul.

So when he sees you struggling..

I GUESS YOU COULD SAY....

IT PULLS ON HIS HEART STRINGS? :D

please don't unfollow me.

Anyways, he is very gentle, yet firm with you. Words of affirmation would be his love language I think. Either love language or quality time. So you can tell that any moment you spend struggling is a moment he makes up for.

A gentle caress or a kind reminder that things are tough, you're incredibly strong. Not one day passes without him reminding you how incredible you are.

whether or not you prefer to be alone during these moments helps him adapts to your needs.

But preferably, he wouldn't mind being by your side.

If he spots you in one of his matches, he'll go friendly just to give you a mental break. The other survivors appreciate it. (If he's feeling especially sadistic, he'll spare you and only you. Free dungeon win!)

But. He knows how it feels like to have everything out of control. To be trapped in the strings of this world and its not fair. Not to you. He's there to help elevate your worries. You're tough quartz, he knows that. But there's absolutely no shame in struggling.

Struggling is not a lack of weakness. Its a sign that you've been incredibly strong too long.

What a way with words for a violinist.

🐝 𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐏𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐔𝐒 🐝

She immediately assumes someone insulted you.

Now, she's been through quite a lot herself. She has had to roll up her sleeve and to WORK to get to where she's had to get to. So, she's absolutely understands how hard life in general can be.

Expect slow but gradual increase of exotic flowers at your room. She grows these flowers in order to attract exotic insects but after she gets them... She has really no use for the flower, so expect these beautiful small bouquets.

She's very cold, but honest. She'd appreciate it if you spoke about your emotions, about what's troubling you so she can help. But, she doesn't expect you to do that. She knows that sometimes, you just don't know.

Expect to be taken on bee dates...

She definitely begins to prioritize you in matches. If you're kiting? Oh. Look. Here she comes over the horizon in a swarm, absolutely rushing to you. Suddenly this is her kite and you're free to decode.

Nicknames are on the rise. If you want that of course.

But you never have to doubt whether or not you're loved around her. It might not help your situation. But it's certainly nice to have a support system that's undeniably by your side.

If you can't be strong for the moment. Let her take the weight. She'd move mountains for you.

#anon #anon ask #x reader #x y/n #identity v #idv #melly plinius #antonio idv #the entomologist idv #the violinist idv

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wias-blog · 1 year

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Some thoughts on houseki no kuni: mainly focused on Welegato/Cairngorm- Enma's toxic relationship and theories on what will happen to Phos

TW!!!: abusive relationship and phos wishing to die

So to start off, I've been checking in on HNKs page here and some of yall really like to argue and threaten others over fiction characters, like please stop and act civil these characters AREN'T REAL. it is not okay to threaten or insult others based on their opinion on fiction.

Okay, now to the story. As someone who has been in an abusive relationship, I see the same resemblance in Welegato's relationship with Enma. Enma acted like a "savior" to Welegato. and to all who say, "He wasn't manipulating Cairn" fail to notice the panels in which he states that he got Cairn away from phos on purpose to make phos a divine being to pray.

It is vague, but it is enough to realize Enma tricked Welegato and all the other gems to stay away from Phos. If you look at other parts of the story, you can see how Enma pushes himself onto Cairn, using their innocence and naivety to his advantage. Cairn/Welegato became a glorified trophy wife. In all honesty, I pity them more than I hate them because they never realized what was going on. They complied to whatever Enma said and wanted because they thought he truly loved them. For example, the scene in which he says Ghost is controlling him through Cairn's eyes. This made Cairn have a full-blown panic attack and shatter. What did Enma do to help them calm down? Nothing, he stood there, putting his plan into action. He did this because when He took out the quartz from Cairns eye, he knew Cairn would see him as someone who saved him from his long gone outer shell. Now to Ghost Quartz, in my opinion, was never abusive towards Cairn. they did the things they saw that were needed to stay in control of their body. Ghost may not have cared about Cairn inside them because they saw them as someone who got in the way of their life. Cairn was very violent, numerous times, we've seen them punch and break Phos out of anger. Even on the moon, they become cruel towards Phos and insult them numerous times. Enma just made Cairn/Welegato more spoiled and violent. That's the main issue. Bad relationships are hard to recognize until you see for yourself what you've become. In this case, Welegato never got to see how bad this was and stayed that way until they turned into nothingness. I'm very sad at this fact because Welegato had so much potential as a character. They have a good back story about identity and becoming something great, but it was washed down to a babied brat who turned their back on someone who needed them most. I think Welegatos' story is a story where the happy ending was never actually happy. They never got to realize who they could actually become, instead becoming controlled by another person.

With all that said and done let's move on to the next topic: Phos

Phos has said in the latest chapter (102, ps. spoilers ahead!!!) that they wish to eradicate their own existence. This can go either of two most likely ways. Phos fails to do this and learns to live with the human inside their inclusions or successes and goes into nothingness. There is a third was this can go, where all the lunarians are brought back or he finds out nothingness is an afterlife where all the others are. (knowing Ichikawa, this will NEVER happen :/). My next question is, how will this happen? Will Adamants brother be able to help Phos or will it not work? Until the next chapter we can only theorize.

that's all. Feel free to comment on what your theories are! - Autie

#houseki no kuni #lotl phos #lotl spoilers #cairngorm #lunarians #manga

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foxilayde · 2 years

Text

The Stranger Part 2/2 Jack from Mojave x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: 18+ ONLY. DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT. Dark themes, DARK. CHASING, NONCON SMUT

Summary: 100 second head start in a game of chase. Is it enough time to get away? Probably not.

A/N: I hope this is what you nasty bitches wanted lmao enjoy I love you guys.

How many seconds do you have left? 70? 60? Who is to say he’s even honoring that time frame, he’s probably already kicking dust behind you and the only reason you can’t hear him is because of the blood pumping in your ears and your wild breathing. This is what it’s like to be a jackrabbit, bounding in the bush from the snapping teeth of a coyote. Luckily the moon is bright enough that your footfalls avoid large things like the prickly brush and snake holes.

Fuck, you should have known better, should have known that everything comes alive at night in the desert with all its nocturnal-eyed creatures, the prowlers and the dwellers. Big fucking mistake going out here alone, the biggest of your life, and the last one you’ll ever get to make. Well that and the mistake you make when your heel lands on a piece of pointed quartz or granite and at the last second you swallow your scream and attempt to run though it, to push past the searing pain in your heel and the twist in your ankle. Fuuuuuck. You have your boots in your arms but when (if ever) is a good time to put them on? When exactly will you have sufficient space between you and Jack when you can feel free to take a moment to lace up? Not now. Definitely not now.

You think it’s a trick of the moonlight when you see the cave in the split of the hill. The hill looks familiar, but so does everything. That’s the thing about the raw desert of the Mojave. It all looks the same. No landmarks to go by, just moderate hill after moderate hill of even sparsity and plant species. You weren’t quick enough to clock the position of the moon or the stars when you took off running. You went forward, but forward can turn to the side and the side can turn into a full circle and a full circle can turn into a spiral, especially if you have a tendency to keep veering right at every tumbleweed.

You head for the cave anyway because at the very least, it’s shade when the sun rises, it’s a place to put your boots on, maybe to check if you have a compass on you so you can start plotting a real way out of here instead of running with your eyes on the sides of your head right into the path of a semi.

The cave is deep enough and tall enough that you stand up fully the whole way into the dark recess of it. It’s not the sort of prey stronghold that would suit any creature of the Mojave so there isn’t any fear of running into anything when you turn at the end and slouch down. You should have pulled out your flashlight from your pack while you were still in the moonlight. It’s going to be much harder to find it like this in the solid black of the back of the cave but you don’t care. You need to rest, you need a gulp of water, and you need to put your shoes on. All of which you manage to do relatively well, and in your hiking boots you feel much calmer already, with your ankles secure and the warm compression of your socks.

You pull from your half filled canteen, spilling some water down your chin and you wonder when your next drink of water will be. Where it will come from. This bottle isn’t enough to last you more than one or two days in the Mojave before you start to get sick with heat. You’re more careful with your next sips.

You dig around your backpack to feel for either your flashlight or for your compass, the latter of which you finally get and shove into the pocket of your sweats. You hear a little rustling deeper in the cave and the thought suddenly sickens you that Jack has been sitting in the cave with you the whole time, in the absolute darkness, listening to you gulp water and wrap your ankle, your cursing and breathing, rustling around to find your things… just waiting in the dark. For what? For you to find your flashlight and turn it on his face? Just to scare you? You don’t know him well but he does seem to be one for theatrics.

Your heart speeds up and your stomach drops, your imagination is picturing him right next to you in the blackness, the hairs in your ear prickle with trying to pick up any hint of his breathing nearby, and your mind tricks itself into thinking that he is there. You don’t know if you should leave, or wait it, out or find your flashlight and shine it into the darkness to know for sure. One thing is for sure, is that if he IS in this cave with you, he’s not going to let you leave, so you have to be smart about your exit. You can’t let him know you’re onto him, that you’re going to jump out of here quick as lightning. So you make a big show about sighing and fake leaning back against the wall of the cave, you pretend to stretch when you’re really getting into position to bolt out. Fuck, how exactly are you going to do this, really do this, really outrun the coyote himself, in the dark, especially with your fucking ankle?

You’re stalling and if he has any good predatory senses, which you know he does, he’s onto the plan and each second you waste debating and faking getting comfortable in the cave. He can probably hear the way your heart thuds like jackrabbits legs. With his glittering nocturnal eyes, can he see the way your eyes dilate and fail to focus on anything for lack of light and reference? Is it real or is your mind playing tricks with you in the dark?

You swear you feel the heat of his breath on your neck when you finally push off the cave floor and make your hasty exit out, your clumsy feet slipping on the loose rock of the mouth of the cave, you brace yourself surprisingly well on your hands and run on all fours for several beats before righting yourself and taking satisfying shoed-footfalls down the ravine. You’re hardly ‘running’ at all, the gravity of the downslope doing all the distance-making for you. You aren’t careful the way you would be on a hike like this; taking it heel-toe-heel toe. No you’re side sliding at this point. Paces between yourself and the cave being the prime directive and in your haste the side of your boot catches only dust on your compromised ankle, sending you rolling down the dusty surface. Your eyes are full of dirt, your hair snags painfully on a brush and you’re blindly reaching and scrambling for something to cling to on your decent, fingers digging into tumbling thin gravel when the sliding mercifully stops.

You wipe your tear tracked eyes on your sleeves and hoist yourself up on all battered fours, spitting out grains of sand. You think you smell water, hear the rushing of water. But it could very well be the smell of blood in your mouth and the rushing of it in your ears. The mind plays tricks on you at night. An oasis would be too much to hope for.

You rise to your feet and brush the dirt from your sleeping clothes, sighing and groaning heavily you sit back on your heels. There is water, the rushing water of a small Oasis but you can hardly appreciate the glittering blackness of it when a long knife makes contact with your gritty, sweaty neck.

It makes your blood run cold despite the dark resinous heat of the night and Jack’s arm comes to wrap around your chest, pinning your arms (not that you’d struggle to move anyway with the promise of the blade at the pulsing life of you).

“That was quite a show, sister, quite a fucking show.” You’re wrapped within the wings of his coat, nowhere to run. Even if you were to escape it’s only up up up in all directions here at the bottom of everything, where the water rushes, where you’ll never be found. Your lip quivers and and you tremble in his grasp.

“Gotta hand it to ya sister, lasted a lot longer than I thought you would.” He pushes you down then, your face to the side in the dirt, a knee on on each of your hamstrings, hands pinned behind your back.

“What I don’t understand though, and maybe you can help me out with this, is why…” he uses his knife to cut a line up the back of your long sleeve shirt, exposing your bare back to the moonlight. “Why you took off out of that hidey-hole like a bat outta hell, hmmm?” He grabs your hair to pull your neck up, sliding his nose on the side of your cheek. “Something spook you in there?”

You choke on a sob when he kisses your cheek, “what was it, little sister. Answer me.”

“You.”

“Me? I was watchin the mouth of the cave from the ridge. Couldn’t’ve been me what spooked ya … oh wait… we’re you thinkin’ about ol’ Jack in that cave, sister? Wanting me in there all nice n’ cosy with you?”

If he is telling the truth, which you have no reason to believe he’s not, then it was all imagined, it was all in your fickle mind, seeing images in the absolute darkness, phantom breaths and threats.

“Welp little sister. As fun as this chase has been, and believe me, it has been quite the diversion, I believe its come to judgement day, wouldn’t ya say?”

Judgement day. Fucking death. All of that all of that scraping and clawing, running and hiding, only to be back at square one. You might as well be back at your campsite, shorn sleeping bag at your legs, forfeiting the hundred second challenge and letting him slit your neck like he’s done to your bag, to your shirt. What’s the difference if your blood spills here or there? Besides a more concise murder investigation.

His knees continue to press into the backs of your thighs and he drags the cool metal of his blade up and down your exposed spine.

“You don’t have to kill me.” You offer weakly.

“What was that, bright angel? Didn’t catch that.”

“You… you don’t have to kill me. Don’t you wan’t to keep playing?’

“Playing, you say? We did play. You lost. You don’t want to be a sore loser now, do you little sister?”

“What about a best two out of three?”

You aren’t thinking clearly, everything coming out of your mouth is an instinctual bargain to keep yourself alive for a precious few more moments, seeking this predator’s motivation. He said he liked the diversion, didn’t he? He must be bored out here in the desert by himself. If only you could prove yourself useful to him, to his entertainment.

“Two outta three, huh?” This knife leaves your back and you can hear the way he scratches the stubble of his sharp jaw behind you. “I’m listening.”

“You don’t want to kill me.”

“Bold assumption, girlie, bold. Lets not forget who holds all the cards here. Bargaining 101? You’re gonna have to give me something I don’t got.”

Is this what he’s been angling for this whole time then? Has he been waiting to offer your flesh up to the buzzard on a silver platter. You hope that’s the case because that is a hand you posess, you can play that. But you’ll have to play it well.

“A-are those the Deep Creek hot springs over there?”

Jack growls a laugh, “Sharp eye, little sister. So you did get your little hands on a topographical before settin’ sail. That they are, that they are.”

The little river flows only a few meters away and you start to form your plan. You lick the dirt and sweat from your lips and lower your voice as seductively as you can. “Let me wash off in that hot spring and i’ll… I’ll let you fuck me.”

Jack barks a laugh that brays to the moon. “Let me? You’ll let me? What hospitality, little sister.”

“Please, Jack.” You whisper into the dirt. He pauses a few more moments, dragging the blade up and down your spine again in a cold steel power move. “You wanna chase me? Into the springs? I can put up a fight if you want…”

The offer hangs between you in a tempting shroud, you don’t know what’s going through his mind when he shifts his knees off of your legs and pulls the sweats and panties down from your ass and down to your knees, he glides the flat end of his blade lightly over the folds of your exposed pussy, bringing the blade up to his tongue to lick the frightened slick off the metal.

“Mmmm, take your boots off. Go on, now. Get up, take those boots off, sister. I’m inclined to indulge in your little request.”

You get to a seated position as quickly as you can, unlacing your hastily-tied boots and shoving them off along with your sweats and panties. Your shorn sleep shirt falls easily from your arms and you tentatively rise to stand, wobbling a bit on your twisted ankle, using his shoulder to right yourself.

“Providing you don’t try any funny business, you hear?”

You gulp and nod, hiding your chest instinctively behind shivering arms.

He rises and licks his lips, scanning you up and down, tilting his hat up in a not so southern gentlemanly fashion.

“You want a head start, sister? ‘Fore I catch you?” His knife is dangling limply in his hand, he drops it in the dirt but holds his stare on you as he unlaces his boots, kicking them off along with his pants, duster and hat. In no time he’s down to nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs and the bandana. He shifts his arms back in a swimmer’s stretch and cracks his neck side to side.

“Maybe just… just ten seconds head start?”

“Smart girl. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Everything the moonlight touches is mine. Includin’ that pretty rump of yours.”

You’re under no supposition that you’ll be able to fight this man off and as he counts “One, two, better skiddle de do darlin’, three—“ You rush into the cold water, sloshing and making your way to the natural heated stone pools just a few strokes away. The oasis is teeming with life and you feel the little fish graze your legs as you splash and hoist yourself into the hot spring bath. Moments later you hear Jack splash and swim with tenacity, and soon, much too soon, he grabs your ankle. You squeal and kick his chest, which only makes him grab harder, using your leg as leverage to climb into the hot pool with you.

The warm volcanic water feels like heaven on your muscles and you sigh into the natural stone bench of the pool. It feels very much like a man-made hot tub and Jack splashes in. He ducks his head under water and wipes the water from his face when he emerges. A distinct and instinctual part of you scans him, appreciating his fine muscular form. If he wasn’t such a blood thirsty desert dweller, he’d do well enough on his own to ensnare women with more reputable means. But he isn’t, so he ducks his face halway under water and grabs your leg again, wrapping it around his thick waist. Your breath speeds up a tick.

“Fair and square, babydoll, fair and square two outta three.” He picks up your other leg and wraps it around his waist. “You gonna give me a congratulatory kiss? Or you gonna make me take that from you too?” He presses his bandana-clad forehead to yours.

Your shaking hand comes up to grip him gently behind his neck and draw his face close to yours, the moment your lips meet he’s licking into your mouth deeply, as if to drink the precious water from your lips. The water sloshes gently around the both of you and his hands come to grab your naked hips. It’s… not so bad, it’s nice even, with the warm water… he’s a good kisser for a bloodthirsty fuck, and he draws your hips closer, your pussy meeting his hard cock through the boxer briefs.

Both of his hands travel up your waist in tandem, over your ribcage, hot palms resting on the sides of your tits, he thumbs your nipples causing you to draw his mouth even closer to yours, licking into the smoky hotness of his mouth. He flicks your nipples with his thumbs and grinds deeply into the open and needy center of you. The spring bubbles with tiny streams of heat around you and you use your feet to push down his boxer briefs, releasing his predatory heat from the confines of the fabric. He groans loudly into your mouth, forcing you you suck up the hot dirty expletives into your own. His pushing hips notch his hardness at the core of you and he presses in with tight interference. His cock pushes through your tense fear, fucking you more and more open with every thrust of his hips until he is fully seated in you, until his snapping pelvis makes solid fucking contact with the junction of you, and you cry into his mouth from the stretch of him.

“Ah! Mother always taught me not to play with my food, but in this case, I’ll have to make an exception.”

His arms snake around your waist and using the leverage of the spa floor he fucks up into your needy cunt, rubbing hot and hard at the apex of your pleasure. The water sloshes around you and you can taste the faint sulfuric presence between your lips when you continue to lick into his mouth, using both hands now on his cheeks to keep him there, rubbing his tongue with your own.

Fuck, he’s so big everywhere, inside of you, around you, his figure blocks out the moon and you screw your eyes shut anyway.

You can’t be bothered to care how technically wrong it is to give and receive pleasure from this man who wanted to kill you, who his now licking into your whining mouth and fucking into your wet hole. He rubs so well against your cunt that you’re almost sorry to admit he’s going to make you cum, and soon.

You break the kiss with a moan and bite your bottom lip when you convulse on his bare cock, fuck knows where it’s been, fuck cares. Your body achieves an equilibrium with the warmth of the springs when you cum, perfectly matching the heat of your skin. Your fingernails dig into his back and his thrusts speed up.

“Gonna fill you up sister.” He pants and smirks just out of reach of your lips.

“No, please.” No, he can’t. You’re not on anything, you can’t let him— you break his sloppy kiss and use your hands to push his hips away to no avail, you squirm your hips, but he’s got you painfully pressed against the natural stone and he laughs with a coldness unbefitting the hot spring and the hot air.

“Wasn’t up for debate, princess.” He licks the side of your face before burying his nose in the crook of your neck. “Fuck, oh fuck, here it comes, take it all, ohhh yesss. Yess, sister thats right.” Jack shivers, throws his head back and pumps hot into your tightly pressed body as you continue to shove his thighs with your feet to no avail.

He goes slack and your final kick to his thigh sends him stumbling back. For a heart stoping moment you think he’ll retaliate but he just ducks under the water once again, emerging to wipe his face and throw back his hair. He puffs out his chest and howls to the moon then, a sound that chills your overheated bones.

“Mighty fine chase, little sister. Best I’ve had in a long time.” He goes to tuck a wet lock behind your ear and you flinch from the contact. “Gettin’ shy on me now? Gettin shy on ol’ Jacky when you got my seed in your little belly? Nuh uh, none o’ that.”

You drop your shoulders in defeat and close your eyes as a tear trickles down your cheek.

“What are you going to do with me?” Your voice cracks feebly, realizing he’s had his fun and has no need for you now. There’s so many places to hide your body and you’re so far from your site it’s unlikely any recognizable part of you will ever be found.

Jack climbs out of the pool and wrings out his sopping boxer briefs on the stony dirt patch on the side of the spring, stepping back into the soaking fabric, tucking his limp cock into the them with a groan.

“Well, I did have my heart set on slitting that pretty little neck of yours, full transparency sister, full transparency.”

You choke on a sob.

“But.” Your heart lifts. “Circumstances change, don’t they? Yessir. God help me, you look so pretty all fucked out and full of me, don’t you?” He bites his bottom lip and grabs your upper arm to hoist you out of the spring. The water sluices down your naked body and the rivuleting water glimmers in the moonlight. You stumble on your twisted ankle, using his bare shoulders to steady you.

“Choice is yours, little sister. I can cut your pretty neck right here, leave a feast for the buzzards… I can let you stumble back to your empty campsite all on your lonesome, or you can come home with me, choice is yours.”

Before you can think or answer he grips your chin between his palm. “Now, full transparency, like I said, I wouldn’t recommend option two, on account of I will be taking your clothes.” He gestures to the bank where your clothes lay. “Those are mine now; you’ll have no water, no way to find your way back. You’ll be dead by noon, garun fucking tee. Shit, if you pick option two I’d probably do you a mercy and just slit your fucking throat regardless.”

He’s right. There’s no way you’d survive without him, not that he’d leave you any loophole of staying at the spring to circumnavigate his stipulation; that you make your way back to your campsite. There’s only one option.

“I’ll… go home with you?”

“Smart girl.”

“I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“Like I said. Smart. Girl.” His teeth glint in the moonlight and he pats your cheek condescendingly before gesturing to your ankle with a nod of his head. “Can you walk on that thing or is ol’ Jacky going to have to assist?”

You hold your chin up high despite your nakedness and your vulnerable state. “I can walk.”

His only reply is a grin before he turns around, back to the direction of your scattered clothes. He pats his naked thigh and whistles at you like a dog to follow. Which you do.

END

tagging if you interacted with pt.1

@andromeda-dear @muunliight @lovely-cryptid @ophelialoveshandsomemen @bear-na-leabharlainne @theoddballinyourcloset @sharin4readers @h0unds-of-h3ll

#Jack #John Jackson #Jack from Mojave #Oscar Isaac #fanfic

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kasaneteto · 3 months

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HAPPY FULL MOON!!!!!! it was last night but im posting about it today. at least i'm TRYING TO (the first time i tried it posted my unfinished draft instead! awesome!) i decided that i want to post more about my witchcraft stuff because i like to share ^_^

this virgo full moon i refreshed my money bowl! it may not look disheveled to you but.......i can tell. my good fortune altar needed to be cleaned like. 3 moon cycles ago.

this is the before pic so read the process & see the after below 👇

once i move the money bowl and other altar items the mess reveals itself.......this was probably pixie. i start by removing everything and cleaning it the way you would any surface, spray w all-purpose and wipe. then i replace the bigger stuff and cleanse the space with dragon's blood, a very good purification herb

once im done with that i remove all of the crystals & talismans from the money bowl and run them through the dragon's blood smoke to cleanse them as well. then i dump the herbs that are in the bowl and physically clean everything. here's what we've once it's all deconstructed:

everything circled in pink is a crystal, orange are talismans, and purple are manifestation elements. the money is pretty self-explanatory but the little folded up papers are notes on which i've written things i wish to manifest in my life. some of them are goals to work towards while others are just energies/things im trying to attract. talismans are as follows: rabbit and 4leaf clover charm (again self-explanatory), copper pieces (money made of copper), small pine cone (very powerful good fortune talisman, i have several pine cones on this altar), and a very hard to see ladybug charm (ladybugs are my personal good luck symbol :3)

so! now that everything is clean it's time to put the money bowl back together, and to do that we gotta start with the base

starting with three/four scoops of rice (a great neutral energy to carry the others) i first add a palmfull of spearmint for money & good fortune. with each herb i add, i first hold it in my hands and draw out the energy im asking for, thereby infusing it with my intention. before mixing the rice & mint together, i first spray it with some money mist (chamomile + cinnamon + mint boiled in water) and some luck-drawing oil (chamomile + mint + rosemary + some other shit idr tbh) to make it all stick together. then i put the chamomile in on top, for money & protection. lastly i add the bayleaf which is great for holding intention and manifesting a goal, which in this case is just for the bowl to do it's job!

once im here i just put all the crystals/talismans/manifestation elements back in so that they look nice! the big crystal in the center is orange calcite (GREAT for manifesting your dreams) and the ones along the top from right to left are amazonite, aventurine, agate, and good ol quartz. the coins are mostly foreign currency (some even out of print! i have a deutschmark :PPPP) but some of them are just random shit like chuck e cheese tokens. i have a cinemark arcade token from before covid killed the tokens in cinemark arcades lol

anyways that's pretty much it! once it's all reconstructed i just put it back where it belongs and burn some frankincense to fill up the newly cleansed space with lucky energy :) thanks for reading this all the way to the end! if you have questions feel free to shoot me an ask i love to talk about this stuff :) :) :) this wasn't the only thing i did for the full moon last night but that spell requires a dormancy period so you can expect a post about that in like 2 weeks

#craft

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empiresresources · 2 years

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empires s2 recap - week 1

[note: normally, these recaps will be released over the weekend, so i apologize for the week wait on this first recap. thank you for your patience!]

the videos released from saturday, june 25 to friday, july 1 were: pixl 1, gem 1, lizzie 1, sausage 1, katherine 1, jimmy 1, false 1, scott 1, fwhip 1, shubble 1, joel 1, joey 1, gem 2, sausage 2, joel 2, pixl 2, fwhip 2, lizzie 2

this week, the players began to establish their empires and their characters, and began to uncover the history of the world they’re in. falsesymmetry is introduced as a new fwhip, who locates the stronghold, finds the portal already opened, and the emperors enter to find the dragon already killed, though not by any of them.

other events:

-fwhip and pixl go caving -pixl discusses his plans for his savannah empire and character, as a “dungeon master” or “lorekeeper” - he won’t be doing much with his own character, but rather doing more worldbuilding and telling the story of the world itself

-sausage and gem go adventuring together and collect wood and saplings from every kind of tree; they establish themselves as allies -gem makes her empire in a flower field/mountain -gem changes into a “sun princess” skin -gem makes a starter house and farms, and beats a pillager raid

-lizzie settles in a birch forest, builds a tent for/with a sheep -lizzie builds a diagonal tent for a fox that kills chickens for her -lizzie tries to bring a panda and parrots from a very far jungle, they die like right on her doorstep -lizzie then builds a path and dedicates it to him, called the last panda trail

-sausage discusses his jungle empire, sanctuary, which exports wood, and which will be a place of safety and refuge, particularly for the friends sausage had where he came from who are lost -sausage builds his encanto-inspired starter house

-katherine recounts the story of her old kingdom, where she was a princess and secretly a monster slayer, which fell shortly after her birth -katherine builds her starter house and tames a cat

-jimmy travels to a mesa, finds a sheriff’s hat, and chooses to make a wild west-themed empire -jimmy builds a starter wagon and receives a diamond from sausage

-scott establishes his kingdom in a meadow with the theme of being colorful, eccentric, and collecting many things -scott builds his starter house, which includes both types of nether wood

-fwhip gathers building materials and raids a pillager outpost to free the allays -fwhip finds a cave to hold his goblin-themed empire, and builds his starter house

-shubble arrives to her new swamp kingdom, the evermore, which she’s been assigned as part of her training as a resident witch -shubble plants a sprout, which grows into a small house, and says she needs to make a hat and wand -shubble goes to katherine to commission a hat, chooses a mangrove propagule as a temporary wand, and builds a mailbox so the witches can send her letters

-joel confirms the mezealean king died -joel settles in a plains next to mountains -joel spends much time collecting quartz, builds fountain that makes him a 'god'

-joey starts with a lore sequence of pirates fighting against skeletons on ships in the stormy sea, wakes up on the beach -joey finds a place in the jungle to settle, near sausage -joey goes endbusting with everyone still having only a wooden pickaxe -joey builds a starter base ship in the cove

-gem builds a barn for her animals and expands her fields -jimmy and gem go mining and end up summoning the warden; they get away without dying, though jimmy is blown up by a creeper -gem builds an automated bee farm

-sausage, joey, and pix visit the outer end to collect shulker boxes and elytra -jimmy and sausage set up a deal providing access to terracotta in exchange for wood, and declare themselves allies -sausage brings several villagers back to sanctuary and sets up his villager hall, and mentions that he can talk to animals

-joel’s fountain is lifted up, into a sky island -joel does some detailing on the sky island, including trees and flowers -joel brings a bunch of pigs to jimmy's while he’s streaming as a prank

-pixl builds a shulk-based xp farm, and establishes it in lore as being built by an ancient people -pixl pranks jimmy with a skulk shrieker under his wagon

-fwhip builds a skeleton spawner, which he intends to sell access to, and an entrance to his cave -fwhip promotes his skeleton spawner to lizzie, who can’t afford the pass, and brings jimmy gifts to get on his good side -fwhip builds a secret railroad between his base and joel’s

-lizzie collects more animals and names them all -lizzie clears out a geode ands sets up a crystal farm so that she can buy access to fwhip’s farm and sell the crystals to the other empires -lizzie buys the skeleton key from fwhip

#let me know if you like the new formatting or if you have suggestions!#recap #pixlriffs #geminitay #ldshadowlady #mythicalsausage #katherine elizabeth #solidaritygaming #falsesymmetry #smajor #fwhip #shubble #smallishbeans #joey graceffa #empires smp #empires resources

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silverserpent · 1 year

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I beg for rambles on Seadew. They captivate me. Ultimate Blorbo.

(If it’s cool to ask too, since I saw last ask, how would the group react to Zefara? :’D Throw nice possessed lady to the wolves here lmao —)

((Hope the day gets better Sil 💜 love ya))

!! :D Okay okay thank you for that question :D Seadew's full name which i might have left out of the list is Seadew Herber of Willowood. They are from a ritualist witch family, which means they learnt so-called ritual magic that involves a lot of preparation - making a magic circle of salt, maybe, lighting candles, similar things. This is considered 'folk magic' as opposed to noble magic.

They are the healer of the group, but they are by no means the emotional center. (That's Raena or Ranril, I think.) They have the vibes that they will heal you with their strongest comfrey salve, give you the tea to drink twice dayly to ease the pain, and have you sit in a circle of dried grass while channeling magic to speed the process up, but be very angry about it. You better appreciate their magic. They will not comfort you about healing you, they will lay out the facts, and threaten bashing your head in if you make it worse by being careless and straining the injured part.

The thing they use to bash things in is a quarterstaff. A big fuckoff staff as long as them, made of very hard, durable wood, topped with a big fuckoff rose quartz. That is both a tool for their rituals and a tool to fight. They bash their enemies' heads in. They aren't trained to do that, exactly, but now that they are in the wilderness, they are quite effective.

The staff is a family heirloom, it's durable and probably hundreds of years old. It's from a time when their family had to go to war, and carefully guarded it until it was needed again. It's a ritual tool and a bash-head-in tool.

They also use hearing aids!! and those are also family hand-me-downs. Kind of gross, but the materials they were made of are very nice and hard to get, so when the original owner died, they were only cleaned and not thrown away. There are other options, but all of those break very easily; this pair is the in-universe equivalent of one of those soviet union era sewing machines that still work. They need to be re-enchanted for every owner, there were a few of those so far. There are a fair few HoH people on the family.

They are working class, and they are payed absolutely atrociously to the point when they have to hold down three jobs to get anywhere. This is why they wanted to go to the expedition: that would give them a bunch of money very suddenly that would help their living situation a lot. One of the thee jobs is waiting tables, I know of another where they are manufacturing something in a factory setting, and i didn't make up the third one yet.

Their attitude around nice things is to get them whenever they can. They don't see much of a better future, so whenever something little is on the horizon, they get it. Free food is a surefire way to lure them in. They do also regularly just swipe every scrap of leftover from the café they can.

Whew. I think this is it. Here you go, Seadew, the tired healer.

(Please send a separate ask for the Zefara question, and tell me how she'd look/act when meeting the team, because this is very long :D)

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smokeybrandreviews · 9 days

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Foreign Affairs

Actively did not think I’d be tapping back into my FGO progress so soon, but I have to say, this Twenty Million Download campaign has been very good to me. I mentioned before, probably a post or two ago, how I was able to cash in unexpectedly with Barghest and Gorgon. Barghest was number nine on my most anticipated Servants and Gorgon is an obvious favorite being a Medusaface. The fact I was able to just puck Gorgon as my free Four-Star Servant and popped Barghest using f*cking Summon Tickets was a boon. I was able to effectively get two of my most coveted Servant, for free. Who takes Summon Tickets seriously, ever? That means I went into the Event Banners fully loaded with all my Saint Quartz. My goal was to make a run at the Shuten Banner but, as I went back through to check when she was available, I noticed something rather enticing. Someone who had found a way to the top of my most anticipated list, long after I wrote it. Not only that, but she’d be my very first Foreigner; A Class which eluded me, even on my robust first account. No, it wasn’t Abby (She’s my f*cking unicorn now, I guess? Particularly the Summer version), but one just as equally captivating, if not more so. Jacques de Molay was going to be available for, like, a day and a half, and I needed her! I cannot tell you how hard I hit those free mission, stacking as many Saint Quartz as I could. I really wanted Shuten but my desire for the last Templar was far more robust. One would even say girthy. I accumulated about sixty of those f*ckers by the time the Banner went live and just hoped it would be enough. That’s just twenty-two spins, two Thirty Quartz pulls. I was able to bolster my odds with one of those Marathon Log In day gets, another thirty Quartz, but still. I made the first pull and got nothing. I mean, I got a few solid Craft Essences but who cares about that? Second pull away, another eleven spins and luck was on my side. Literally the second thing to pop was Jacques! Sixty Quarts and she was mine!

I immediately set out to enhance the f*ck out of her. Considering my aggressive participation in every Event lobbed my way since starting this second account, I had a substantial stockpile of Materials to throw at Jacques. Maxing her out to level ninety took a bit more effort, though. I had used a ton of those Hellfire of Wisdom I had stashed away, to level up a bunch of ancillary Servants for the Quartz bonuses. That means I had to actually run the gauntlet of the Training Grounds for more. I relished the opportunity. I mean, I needed to get her Bond Level up, too, so why not? Two birds, one stone. By the time that fifth level popped, I had more than enough to level her all the way up. Obviously, I had a decent stockpile to get her going but I ended up initially topping of at about level fifty and change. Respectable but useless alongside my one hundred and two Mordred. My Ninety Barghest, Gray, and Mash aren’t too shabby either. I spent most of yesterday evening, just grinding away, doing everything I could to get Jacques to her Final Ascension and max level. Actually having her in my front line as a proper Servant instead of support, felt brilliant, I must say. It’s insane how much progress I’m making with this second account, spending next to no real loot on it. The Gacha gods have been kind. Speaking of, I had and Extra Summon Ticket left and threw it at the Cast Banner one more time. They tossed back Baobhan Sith in return. You can’t make this sh*t up. I don’t even want her, I’m lousy with Assassins, but whatever. Cash them all out, am I right? If they’re offering, I’m for sure taking!

#Fate #Fate/Grand Order #Jacques de Molay #Foreigner

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smokeybrand · 9 days

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Foreign Affairs

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desperatecheesecubes · 1 month

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And we’re into April so my March wrap is here! Part 1 because I read so many things this month :)

Damage (1994) issues 1-4

Dates Read: March 2, March 4, March 15

Review: 4 stars (issue 1) 3 stars (all others)

Thoughts: I’ve read some of Damage’s solo already in my efforts to read through Kyle’s GA run but I decided it was high time I loop back and try to 100% his run. It’s definitely a fun time. Still peeved he isn’t used more. Can’t believe they did a second Damage run and it’s not even about my boy Grant. DC return him to me immediately.

Marble Queen by Anna Kopp and Gabrielle Kart

Dates Read: 5 March-6 March

Review: 3 stars

Thoughts: This was very cute. A fun sapphic story, with good art. It ended on some sequel bait but I don’t know that any has been announced. I will pick it up if it does get announced. The most memorable thing about this is that the first day it dropped it refused to open in any of my kindle apps irregardless of the device or how many times I updated it. So I bought it physically because I really wanted to read it, only for it to work the next fucking day. Infuriating. I will likely rehome the physical copy as it didn’t crack into my higher ratings.

The Affair of the Mysterious Letter by Alexis Hall

Dates Read: 28 February- 6 March

Review: 5 stars

Thoughts: Holy shit this was so good. A fantasy/sci-fi retelling of Sherlock Holmes and I NEED there to be more books this instant. All the characters were so entertaining and the snark unprecedented. I loved the narrator for the audiobook so much that I proceeded to look up everything he’d done. Did I mention how queer this book is? 1000-% recommend

Superman (2016) 37

Dates Read: 6 March

Review: 3 stars

Thoughts: I keep seeing posts of future Tim coming to fight Bruce so I decided to reread this issue. It is a fun time! I deeply appreciate that the cover has fuck all to do with the story. The only character on this cover that makes an appearance is Clark.

Thunder Song by Sasha LaPointe

Dates Read: 5 March- 9 March

Review: 2 stars

Thoughts: I fucking hated this. I read Sasha’s poetry collection-Rose Quartz- last year and thought it was excellent so I preordered this eagerly but I wish I hadn’t. This isn’t a collection of essays, it’s a confused and misorganized memoir, but she’s literally already published a memoir so???? She was angry about so many things but angry at all the wrong people over them. So many of the experiences she discussed here were so deeply deeply relatable so it was very frustrating to have her constantly inform me that I could never understand any of them. The ability to understand and empathize with each other came free with our fucking humanity. If you are othering people by saying ‘you could never understand this pain’ you are doing yourself a wild disservice. Based on its average Goodreads rating it has found its proper audience but god knows I wasn’t that.

Batman (1940) 443

Dates Read: 9 March

Review: 3 stars

Thoughts: I legitimately don’t remember reading this nor do I have any idea what it was about. Cheerio!

The Fox Maidens by Robin Ha

Dates Read: 10 March

Review: 3 stars

Thoughts: Although this IS sapphic the romance doesn’t happen until the absolute end of the graphic novel. I was really more here for the main character eating bad men. She should have done that more. It was a fun read, even if it could have been gayer. I enjoyed learning more about Korean culture and mythology, I confess that I am not that knowledgeable.

Transitions by Élodie Durand

Dates read: 10 March

Review: 3 stars

thoughts: this book was not at all what I was expecting. It’s an interesting perspective to hear from in the trans conversation: a parent who knows nothing about the community but who finds out their child is part of it. I thought there would be more personal emotions in it but… no not really. A LOT of research though lol.

Women of Good Fortune by Sophie Wan

Dates Read: 9 March-13 March

Review: 4 stars

Thoughts: oh man this was fun. Very in line with Crazy Rich Asians. I loved all the women in this and I also enjoyed the supporting cast. I’ll be keeping an eye on what else Sophie Wan puts out.

Action Comics (2016) 1063

Dates Read: 14 March

Review: 2 stars

Thoughts: This arc was bad and I’m glad it’s over

#mine #literature #monthly wrap up

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kitchenbathrenotips · 2 months

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Types of Countertops and what you should Opt For.

While renovating a kitchen, we often ignore the major part of it by going with the traditional ways and not finding some other options available in today's market. The same goes for the countertop of the kitchen. A place where most of our work will happen and is responsible for handling all the mess we are going to make in the kitchen.

The countertop is the most essential item in kitchen and bathroom renovation. We all want it to stay strong for many upcoming years along with reflecting our style, and lifestyle. Every countertop in this list has its pros and cons, so choose according to your comfort.

Marble -

The Marble countertop has been quite the prominent choice since it was first introduced. Natural stone is the perfect way to give your kitchen a sleek and modern look. Marble enhances the looks of your kitchen instantly giving it a clean and elegant look. it is one of the brightest materials on our list and gives a natural light effect when placed under the lights.

Not just in white, but marble comes in many colors and shades like - brown, taupe, gray, and even green. The best thing about marble is that no 2 marbles are the same in their looks. Marbles are more affordable than you think and even if they look elegant and sophisticated, some types of this material like Carara can be budget-friendly.

Quartz -

It is a kind of countertop that is built to last for eternity. This countertop is best for those with big families or some heavy eaters. It is made up of material that is non-porous, durable, rigid and does not need any resealing. As this material is manufactured, it gives a natural look like - marble and granite and this countertop is easy to clean too.

Granite -

The Granite is the OG of the countertop as it has always been the 1st choice for all the homeowners seeking a kitchen and bathroom renovation service in Richmond Hill. It is very easy to clean and is also one of the most durable materials out there for countertops. Granite is available in many colours and shades with different varieties of flecks. This countertop requires very little care and just one swipe to clean it. It is also heatproof, so you can put that pan on it right off the stove.

Confused Between Granite and Quartz Countertop? You can go through this guide for better understanding.

Butcher Block -

Butcher block is made of wood and is a cheap alternative to stone-type countertops. It is made using small pieces of different wood and joining them in one large slab. This countertop comes in many wood types like - Oak, Cherry, Apple, Maple, Walnut, and Cherry. It is the only countertop in this list that can be used as a direct-cutting board, unlike all others. The only drawback of this countertop is that it can soak up liquid so you must be quick to wipe it if any liquid gets spilled on it. Otherwise, it will get stained.

There are more countertops in the market, and you can ask a kitchen renovation contractor near you in Vaughan to guide you in choosing the best one for your kitchen. You can contact them to Get a Free Quote for the estimated budget idea.

You can learn about more such countertops from this Blog.

#kitchen #kitchen renovation #renovation #bathroom #contractor #home remodeling #interior design #kitchen design #modern home #interiors

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dzpenumbra · 1 year

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3/14/23

Storm's a'comin. Snow soon. That's the word on the street.

I say that as though I've been out on the street... that's what my mom told me.

She caught me at a difficult time. I was literally just getting ready to start working on my quartz knife. I was debating getting in the shower first, but it's weird to even consider that when I'm going to wet-sand stone, it's so messy, it always feels like a better idea to shower after. Now... it's past 2AM and I still haven't showered.

The whole conversation was just about how fucked my life is. It was initiated by me, I can feel it. I swear, therapy did a lot of good for me. It really did. But being in live-in therapy environments for extended periods of time, having no friends except therapists or people in a therapy environment... it's turned every conversation I have into a fucking AA meeting.

"Hi, my name is ______ and these are my problems, and I struggle with this, and this sucks, and I can be supported in these ways."

And I'm starting to notice that no one outside of therapeutic environments speaks that way. Most of them speak in fucking code, I've noticed. It's weird. Like... I haven't really spoken subtext that much in my life... at all... just in general... but isolation made it flat-out difficult and... damaging. Like, I will say very heartfelt things to people and they think I'm... trying to trick them? Or, online, "trolling"? Or they assume I mean something completely different? It's so odd to me. I get that it's a self-protective mechanism that apparently a lot of people have, but like... from my perspective, it causes a shit-ton more harm than good... like... it doesn't even seem to protect people.

Anywho, the conversation was about my stream last night and how genuinely scared I am. I got a fucking DMCA notice 1 fucking minute after I ended my stream. 1 goddamn minute. 1/4 of my VoD was automatically muted. And I honestly don't know what to get from that. Am I safe? Am I going to get a strike? Is Twitch protecting me from strikes? Can I play music? Can I play podcasts?

And again, PTSD functions off of a sense of feeling safe and secure. And when some fucking greedy shitbags threaten to shut down my only source of meeting new people because I was listening to music while drawing - as a professional artist - and they want to claim that I'm... trying to sell the music? Like the music even has anything to do with what I'm presenting besides just being background noise. And I can't appeal it. I can't even speak in my own defense. It's pretty much a guaranteed strike. Like, what the fuck is the point of Fair Use laws if you don't even get a fucking hearing?! They gave up on that shit like 3 years ago, it's the Wild fucking West out here. OH MY GOD. As I'm typing this, the stream I was enjoying in the background runs the second 8-ad block in the past half hour. What the fuck happened? Seriously! This place has gone to shit! I swear, no one even remembers what Twitch and Youtube used to be like.

Ugh. So much stress. Constantly. I need a pee break.

Okay, back to venting I guess. The thing that pissed me off the most was that I got a warning email from Twitch about broadcasting copyrighted music... to no one. And I don't think my mom could really understand that. And she was trying to nudge me towards... copyright free music - which I ranted about last night - and then getting a broadcasting license. I mean. Give me a break. I have zero fucking viewers and I'm getting a broadcasting license?! Tell me I'm the crazy one thinking that's a bit excessive...

Then we went to... the ideas I had the past few years. My brother is a musician. We used to jam together all the time. We recorded an album together. I offered to pay him to make me as much music as he could, good chill lo-fi. As much as he could make. It can loop, it can be repetitive, whatever. Give me a giant playlist of original, good music that you would like... spark up a bowl and listen to while you're... fuck, I legit can't think of a "normal people" analogy for drawing. I don't know, just chill music. Just nothing too dark or abrasive. That stuff, just put it on a different list and I'll use that for like... horror drawing night or something. You know? Vibes. All that. And every person that comes in, they get introduced to his music. Idk how that's not a win-win.

He, obviously, rejected that. Obviously. I'm guessing it was a creative control issue or something. Wouldn't even try. Then I asked him if he would be interested in browsing Soundcloud and throwing together a playlist of unsigned musicians that he found that are actually good. And get paid to do that. Since I just have too fucking much on my goddamn hands, I can't do everything. And I could really use the help. Nope.

I literally couldn't even pay my own brother to make me a mixtape for my stream. That's 2023. That's how fucked music is right now. Or at least... in my experience.

Dude, I remember when me and my buddy J (my bandmate) would go on rides late at night just to listen to music in the car. He had roommates and shit, I lived in an apartment building, so we would just go for rides and crank the music and just... listen to music together, driving on the dark highways at like midnight. The people I run into, they act like you can't fucking do that shit anymore. Like it went extinct in 2012 or some shit.

I will know for a fact that I've found someone I need to keep close to me, when I get a message at like... 11:30... saying "hey dude, do you wanna go for a drive and just listen to the new Periphery album? See what we think about it? And then park somewhere and drink coffee and smoke cigarettes and talk about like... what we liked about it and what surprised us?"

I tried to do that last night. I seriously... I just wanted more than anything to share that experience of listening to that album for the first time. That's a once-in-a-lifetime experience, I will never experience that for the first time again, and I captured it, and it was fucking censored by corporate bots. That's why I was broadcasting, it's why I fucking hit "Start Broadcast", to spend time with people, to share that special moment with people, to share my passion and excitement. To share that time. And now, we can share time with people who are on the other side of the planet, with a 3 second delay on their goddamn phone. How fucking nuts is that?! So it's easier than ever to create these shared experiences. And yet I'm more alone than ever before. Why?

Because they all "grew up". Because no one has the time for this shit anymore. Because the people in my life disappeared and started families, or hide away in their daily grind. Or get buried in responsibilities. I don't even know anymore, it just makes me mad. This isn't how life is supposed to work.

This voice? The outraged "fuck the world" voice? I'm pretty sure that's a big part of my PTSD. It very bluntly expresses disapproval. It demands change. It often feels different, like different parts of my brain are lit up. It feels bitter, and oppressed. It feels like it can't give quarter, because it would be unsafe. It is very frequently misunderstood. The most frequently of all of my modes of communication, I'd guess. Which really sucks, because it's the one that has the most important messages, I'd say.

I try really hard to vet the messages that voice sends out before I send them. Fact-check, to use a trending hashtag. And at least keep an open mind that I may be reading into things a bit, or exaggerating. Because this is a self-protective mechanism I'm dealing with, and they do have a tendency to kinda... act first and sort out the details later. But... here... I'm pretty sure everything I've gone over here is pretty dead on the money. Which really sucks.

But... silver lining... this is a road map to what will bring me peace and happiness in my life. I need to find a way to open up my studio (share my art process/life) to the world... which doesn't involve threats of litigation. I need to find a way to connect with people over music... that doesn't involve risking having both my business and my social networking (personal and professional) shut down. The last person I heard that was a non-partner that got banned from Twitch was sending in appeals for over a month, and he was a comedian who was on a nationally broadcast sitcom, and he had to literally have a friend in the biz call in a favor from someone who worked at Twitch to get him unbanned. I'm not even fucking kidding. So... if I get canned? I'm fucked. Bye bye Twitch. Having security around that, that would make me feel much safer. And, I guess... I'm still mourning the loss of my brother and my former friends.

Might as well address that. Since I'm here. I say this with a heavy heart, because it's always hard to lose someone no matter how. I know loss pretty well. And... I know the two are different, and it might just be me... but in my experience... it's easier to lose someone because they're... gone... than it is to lose someone who is still here. They're just... ... how do I say this... I'm picturing Obi Wan lighting his lightsaber on Mustafar after Anakin force-chokes his pregnant wife.

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Honestly, watching the scene again... I often feel more like Padme. I don't have the confidence Obi Wan has. Not anymore. And I don't have the willingness to enter combat, to stand ground and defend. And, unfortunately... look at how that ends for her. You know? I mean, not like Obi Wan's method was super effective either in the long run... And... I don't even know if there's a good way that exists to deal with people who have gone down a Dark path. I really don't. It just... it eats me alive to give up on people when I know their self is destroying them, their own pain and fear and anger. I hate giving up on people. Let alone... standing against them... when they turn on me. Even just defending myself in the moment feels like too much, let alone righteously opposing them.

Moments like that are a big part of why I want to seek out a spiritual group that has similar ethical pacifist beliefs as I do. I grew up in a super competitive family, my father being the most competitive of them all. I have no role model for these behaviors, so any new one is one that I've sorta... found through experimentation. I often feel very clumsy and ill-equipped. And I would really appreciate some form of... mentorship or something. On how to be a pacifist who is dealing with... possessed people. Haunted people. Traumatized people. Hey, maybe it'll even help me deal with myself, when my demons flare up. As they have been lately.

Let's not sugar coat this. I've noticed how I've been acting lately. I've noticed my fear and my anger. I've noticed my suspicions of people conspiring against me, all that shit. All byproducts of trauma. I see bits of Anakin in myself too. I know it's in there, and it's growing. And I need to get it out in healthy ways, and process it in healthy ways.

Meditation is helping, though it's extremely subtle and hard for me to really remember to do it.

My big problem with keeping this insistent "you don't understand, this is what's going on in my life and I just need blahblahblah and where the hell are my friends? Why is no one coming to my streams? Why can't I play music? Why? Why?" bullshit... is that... I actually do need answers to these questions. Like... how do I walk away from that? Just... not stream? I literally just started again. Then... do Instagram or YouTube videos instead of Twitch? Maybe. That's something. I don't know, it just feels like... giving up. Like I ask one person, they don't know... so I give the fuck up? But I have no one else to ask!

But again, the big problem with that... is that it's directly connected to my feeling of safety. Direct chain of events.

No music -> eventually no stream -> no new people seeing my art -> career over.

No friends dropping by the stream -> constant zero viewer count -> no new viewers, no one wants to go to a dead stream -> no new people seeing my art -> career over.

It all funnels down.

Ugh, this is so depressing. Like... I just wish I could workshop this with someone, have someone brainstorm shit with me who actually knows what they're talking about. Like... if I put on a 3 hour podcast, am I going to get flagged?

I need to get off of this topic. It's eating me alive. I didn't stream because of it today. For fuck's sake. I did 6+ hours yesterday, and I couldn't stream at all tonight because I just engaged with this line of thought when my mom called because I was still on-edge.

At least it wasn't a fight. Gotta count my blessings on that.

So... snow's coming. That's nice, huh? XD No electric board, but I can try to hoof it to the community car and swing over to the indoor skatepark, that's something. And I can snowskate, if the snow is good. That's good.

Today felt like a wash. Honestly. Just really stressful all day. Which really sucks because yoga wasn't too bad, meditation went okay, and then I did dishes and cleaned the kitchen, including vacuuming. Then it just went to shit. Because I went into AA-mode and just started unloading all the crap I was carrying from last night about DMCA and work and shit. Ugh.

I just want to make art, man. And listen to good tunes. And share that with other people. And if that's too much to ask... I don't know what to say. But I respect my non-existent viewers, and myself, too much to subject them to copyright free muzak.

Okay, here's a good one to reset the vibes. So... I had a really good idea today for another mala. I was thinking about the bead sequences and how the number of beads are sorta focused around important and powerful cultural numbers. And I had this really cool idea of having each bead be representative of a note within a key, color coded by note, and each section of the mala is representative of a chord, with notes ascending from lowest to highest. And the entire mala itself represents a chord progression.

Music is calling me. The big question is... do I engage with it before or after the skull? I'll mull it over tomorrow.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts #Youtube

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