smokeybrandreviews

[smokeybrandreviews]

Risky Business

Buckle up, because this is going to be a long one. In my boundless dead time at my job because I am way too efficient at what I do, I came across an article about how Hollywood just doesn’t understand the popularity of anime and manga. Putting that sentiment through the capitalist filter of corporate Hollywood, it basically translates to US executives do not understand how to monetize the fervor anime has across the younger generations. For me, as a fan of the genre going on three and a half decades, it’s a no-brainer for me. Of course the Old Guard can’t wrap their heads around anime, they think it’s for “kids” because they see us, the Millennials and younger, as kids. Bro, I’m forty this year. I have friends with whole ass teenage children. We are not “kids”, just very nostalgia driven and the Zoomers are just now entering “real adult age.” I’m talking graduating from college, entering the workforce, and renting cars without a co-signer. We are not children. We are adults who are shaping, and have been shaping, pop culture for decades. Considering we, as Millennials, have raised our younger Zoomer siblings (or children in some cases), they grew up with anime and video games as a household mainstay, not some niche, geek, fetish to be enjoyed in the dark. Now ask yourself, how many mid-Forties movie executives are there in the industry? Now ask yourself how man mid-Sixties Execs there are? That’s your answer. Try selling the allure of, say, a proper, live action, Dragon Ball Z adaption to Bob Iger and he’ll scoff at the budget necessities. There’s no way something like Reincarnated as a Slime get made here, let alone the likes of the immediately controversial EVA with all of the biblical imagery. There’s no way you can adapt the vast amount of anime based strictly on the fact that the US was founded by closed minded prudes, and that sentimentality has carried over into present day Middle America.

My beef with Conservatism has long been documented on this blog. I don’t understand why so many people in this country, look back with rose colored glasses on an America that was staunched in hate and cruelty. I mean, I do, they’re white, but still. It’s insane to think that, in this, the year of our lord, two thousand and twenty-four, that cats still get their dander in a froth over something as ridiculous as being a Furry, even though bugs bunny in a dress was a sexual trigger for just SO many of these Boomers growing up. Sh*t like that speaks volumes toward the repressed mentality of people in that age range, the people basically in charge of everything. They are set in their ways and refuse to accept anything new. I see a microcosm of that with my mom. I try to introduce her to anime I believe has merit and she just scoffs at it. Ghost in the Shell, Akira, Howl’s Moving Castle (even though I don’t like Ghibli films), and even Vampire Hunter D. She hated all of them. Refused to engage because they are cartoons. And that, right there, is the crux of the issue, I think: Boomers don’t see the difference between Mickey Mouse and Goku, it’s all just cartoons. On the surface level. For those who actually give anime a chance, they’re greeted with some of the most aggressively offensive content, to their very narrow, counter-culture, Reaganomics influenced, Televangelist inspired, senses.

My favorite anime is Neon Genesis Evangelion. My favorite anime character is Rei Ayanami. Or Vegeta. They’re basically one-A and one-B for me at this point but, for the sake of this essay, I’m going Rei I. EVA is brilliant. It’s extremely well written, has fantastic world building, is f*cking GORGEOUS to look at, and deals with some pretty heavy sh*t. I’m talking borderline blasphemous, alternate biblical sh*t. How do you sell a fourteen year old, piloting a cyborg mech with the soul of his dead mom trapped inside it, punching through the Sefirot, in order to trigger the end of humanity so everyone can return to primordial goo, so his widowed father can reunite with said trapped mommy soul in eternal oblivion? How do you market that to a devoutly Mormon trad wife from Idaho or that stereotypical, god-fearing, coal mining husband from West Virginia? There’s no way, and that’s not counting the overtly homosexual (I guess?) Kowru or the hyper sexualized relationship between Shinji and Asuka, or the wildly inappropriate situationship between Gendo and Rei. This sh*t will not fly with US audiences., which brings me to the main reason why anime adaptions fail here: Americanization. The bane of any foreign adaption. Hollywood has this incessant need to change sh*t when adapting anything, which is fine to an extent, but when you butcher the spirit of the source material chasing after US sensibilities, why even adapt the sh*t? To this day, my mom thinks the original Godzilla is dog sh*t but that’s because she saw the version re-cut with Perry Mason. I showed her the original and, while she admitted it was much better than the one she saw as a kid, the damage was done. Tokusatsu was just goofy ass Japanese people., stomping on miniatures with fireworks popping off in the background. Godzilla came out in 1954. The Americanization of Japanese cinema has been poisoning entire audiences for at least that long. Guess who grew up watching those terrible f*cking adaptions? Guess who has a built-in bias because everything they saw coming out of Japan, was treated like goofy, campy, unserious, children’s fair? Guess who’s making the business decisions in adapting this sh*t going forward?

Ultimately, Hollywood can’t make anime adaptions because don’t understand anime. They don’t see the value in the source material outside the superficiality of the admittedly beautifully animated genre. No major studio is going to commit legitimate resources to any anime adaption because of the risk involved. In their minds. Look at Battle Angel Alita. That film was rather successful and stayed true to the overall source material. As an anime adaption, it’s one of the best. However, since it didn’t make a billion f*cking dollars, the studio has refused to revisit it at all. They’ve chocked that “failure” up to not connecting with audiences. No, it failed because you didn’t market it the way you should have. You didn’t believe in the franchise potential and basically just dropped the thing into the theater. Even so, Alita: Battle Angel made a profit and has garners a strong cult following which hasn’t stopped their calls for a sequel to this day. On the other end, you have the disastrous ScarJo Ghost in the Shell. There are a myriad of reasons why this thing sucks but it basically boils down to how lazy the adaption turned out. The original anime film is a staple of cyberpunk existentialism. None of that heady, deep, and challenging content is found in the remake. It’s just generic sci-fi identity thriller but pretty that usual. No substance, all flash. Now, that’s not to say there aren’t fantastic adaptions out there. Netflix has done a brilliant job, by comparison, in turning anime into live action. The Yu Yu Hakusho joint was decent. It felt culturally appropriate and didn’t squander the time they had with the characters. It was definitely on the cheaper side but that was Yu Yu, all day. I think the biggest issue people had was comparing it to the absolutely perfect One Piece outing which released just a few months earlier. That show, that take, was perfect. F*cking everything, down to the last, minute, detail. Brilliance, through and through. But it also cost Netflix a pretty penny. They took on the risk and reaped the well-deserved rewards.

But, as much as they would like to be, Netflix ain’t Disney or WB Discovery or Paramount or any of the major studios. All three of them. They don’t have the cash to drop on a sweeping fantasy adaption of Berserk or high adrenaline, hyper stylized, run at Eyeshield 21. Do you see Disney putting in the necessary resources to make a strong adaption of One-Punch Man? How about Paramount letting Secret Base take a shot at something like Gundam? Wait, I think Netflix has it’s mitts on that already. Alright, we’ll go Macross instead. Imagine if someone gave Tim Burton enough loot to adapt f*cking Big O! How dope would that be? But it’ll never happen. Even though Pacific Rim did gangbusters and the Monsterverse proves there’s an audience for Mecha/Kaiju content, no one is going to drop the sheckles to make that stuff happen. Too much loot, too much risk, not enough appreciation for the source material. It sucks because there are so many US audience friendly franchises out there which are good, can be made on the cheap, and potentially thrive here. I already mentioned One-Pinch, but f*cking Slam Dunk is right there. Overlord can definitely scratch the current DnD itch Baldur's Gate 3 has set ablaze across the nation. Chobits is another one and I think City Hunter can do well here for adults. Appleseed is right there and, if you want to go niche but full of potential, AD police and Bubblegum Crisis. The Castlevania show all but paved the way for Vampire Hunter D to get the live action treatment. There are so many franchises out there ready for adaption, ready for the gamble, almost all of which will pay off. It just takes someone in the big chair to seriously believe in that content. Someone with the foresight to commit the necessary resources to really give these adaptions justice. Believe in what is there and respect the content. Follow those rules, and you will unlock a cash cow of brand new, monetizable, media to exploit. But stay away from Akira. That sh*t is a masterpiece and doesn’t need any grubby American Corpo fingers anywhere near it!

#anime #Hollywood #Some ol' bullsh*t

[smokeybrandreviews]

Into the Abyss

Boy, it has been a clean minute since I've updated my Azur Lane progress, mostly because the content has been a trickle this year, but with the current Rerun Event, I felt obliged to do so. Seriously this year has been mad slim on stuff to do in my favorite WWII sim. As a KMS main, coming off a year which was straight up lousy with Kraut progress, I am a little… disappointed with the current offerings. I feel like it’s been that way for a while, actually. Like, I found the stagnation of the game to be pretty prominent last year but, again, I am heavily Iron Blooded so that’s probably just my bias. That’s not to say I haven’t gotten anything for my main Fleet over the last few months, just that I kind of wanted more. Still, there were other facets which have progress so I can’t be all that mad. But I kind of am.

Please, Sir, May I Have Some More

Look, man, this Iron Blood drought is killing me. Like, we've had a few crumbs but that's it. Crumbs. Obviously, I've gobbled up what i could, which ain't much. The two P6 boats, one of which was a Decisive and the Confluence of Nothingness event. That's it. Man, i am STARVING over here! So much so that, when Friedrich Carl showed up on that Banner, i dove wholeheartedly into that sh*t. And, boy, did it cost. I went at that banner with round four hindered Wisdom Cubes. It literally took close to three three hundred of the f*ckers to finally pop the first, new, Kraut Girl in almost a year. Seriously, i popped SO many f*cking dupes of almost every other ship on the Banner before i finally scored Carl. That sh*t hurt my pockets, bad. Like, egregiously. She finally decided to appear, when i was at my wit's end, but I'm content about it. I ain't happy, but my main Fleet is still one hundred percent complete, so small victories. But, for real, Manjuu needs to drop some more KMS ships soon. I'm dying over here!

The Coldest Winter

The whole reason I am writing this thing, is to address the massive Ruskie mammoth in the room – the Abyssal Refrain Rerun. Once upon a time, long, long ago, i passed on this Event because i kind of didn’t give a sh*t about chasing another Fleet at the time. I was headlong in my Iron Blood quest so I missed out on a lot of ash*t back then. Shimakaze, New Jersey, and, prudent to this particular post, Kronshtadt. Tunnel vision, for sure. After I netted U-110 and caught up with the Iron Blood offerings, I set out on honing my Northern Parliament Fleet next. After the Germans, the Russians are my favorite Fleet based on aesthetic. By then, however, Abyssal Refrain was in the rear view and I missed out on, like, three of those ships, Kronshtadt being the most important. Not only was she a glaring hole in the puzzle that was my burgeoning SN Fleet, she was the last UR boat I needed, after claiming both Shimakaze and New Jersey on Rerun Lite events. Seeing her banner reappear, I absolutely made a run. The thing is, I was low on resources. Chasing after Friedrich Carl taxed my pockets hard. Fortunately, since this is a Rerun which I had kind of participated in before, I had Ship Building tickets. Ran through those real fast but it wasn’t enough. I only had around one hundred, fifty Wisdom Cubes and was sitting on the edge of my seat rolling for that UR sweetness. It only took three. Sixty Cubes and she popped. I FINALLY had EVERY natural UR ship (not Decisive) available! Yes, I've included Sovetsky Soyuz in that assertion I absolutely made out like a bandit during Snowrealm Peregrination. It was, like, four rolls, total, and i popped all those ships. One of the easiest Banners I've ever attempted. That luck would not hold. Anyway, the Ultra Rare side quest is down, but I’m still missing Volga at the moment. Popped two Kievs chasing Kron and i hate it. Why the f*ck am i loading up on Shop Ships and not the one Banner i still ain't got? The f*ck?

#Azur Lane #Northern Parliament #Abyssal Refrain

[smokeybrandreviews]

Starving

We are winding down on the current anime season and I say to it, “Good riddance!”  Look, almost everything which dropped this Winter, has been trash. Absolute bunk. And I don’t mean in a poor narrative way, I mean in an execution way. Some of my favorite manga got adaptions and they’ve all been WILDY disappointing. One got a continuation and the you can see the slash in budget with every handicapped frame. Sh*t was absurd. Others, just didn’t get the money they deserved. I’m over here reeling from the fact that Winter 2024 might go down in history as one of the worst seasons of anime, ever. That’s insane because, for the past few years, we’ve seen a strong uptick in overall quality. Anyway, as this underwhelming Winter season gives way to a much more promising Spring 2024, I wanted to look back and pay respect to the slog we all endured. Apparently, budget cuts was overarching theme this time around.

The Cream of the Crop

Frieren: At Journey’s End

With no hyperbole or exaggeration, Frieren is one of the best anime I have ever seen in my entire life. From production, to execution, to writing, to animation and performances; All of it is a shining example of what this medium has to offer. Frieren is a goddamn masterpiece and will go down as a classic. And I’m just talking about to the first half of this show. Everything I just said, was turned up a notch for the back end. I thought it would be hard to top that Aura scrap but then then Frieren mirror match happened and I was legitimately awestruck. Absolutely beauty. Absolute spectacle. Those big moments stun, but it’s the small ones which really make this show. When Fern and Serie met and had their little exchange? Yeah, for me, THAT was the greatest thing this show ever produced. Sousou no Frieren is, without a doubt, a masterpiece, both on the page and on the screen.

Delicious in Dungeon

One of the very first post I made on my Review blog which got solid traction on this hell site, was an ode to Dungeon Meshi. I’ve loved this manga for years. I wasn’t on that ride in the very beginning, but I stumbled across it early in it’s run and decided to ride that story out until the very end. It was well worth it. Meshi is one of the strongest manga I’d ever read so, when it was announced it would finally get an adaption, I was mad hyped. The problem came when it was announced that f*cking Trigger would be the production house bringing that sh*t to life. I was absolutely sure that the kinetic, frantic, unrelentingly spastic, animation style of Gainax Jr., would not lend itself to the wonderful art and delicate lines Ryoko Kui laid on the page. For the most part, I was right. I expected a studio like Pierrot or Madhouse would have delivered a much richer animation experience but, as the series progressed, I found myself less and less offended by those Dead Leaves sensibilities. In fact, after this last episode with the slaying of the red dragon, I am all for it. Still wish UFOtable or someone got the contract but the narrative, performances, and grand nature of the adventure, make up for those fleeting Kill La Kill levels of absurd in the animation.

Tsukimichi: Moonlit Fantasy 2nd Season

This one squeaks right in there, but just barely. For the most part, it continues on from the excellent first season. That said, you can definitely see this thing had a budget cut. When it shines, it’s bright as f*ck, can’t lie. But there was a whole ass battle that was just skipped and I REALLY wanted to see that animated. Interestingly enough, this is a continuation of a series that started in one of the previous, much better, anime seasons, similar to the trash fire that is Banished from the Hero’s Party. That one, we’ll get to it here in a minute, was absolutely hammered by budget cuts and it kind of has me wondering if these second season shows, just didn’t garner enough popularity to give them the same level of care as before? As I recall, Tsukimichi often ranked in the upper part of popularity results, week in and week out, so it’s rather surprising to me that the quality dropped so much. It’s no Reincarnated as a Sword or Chainsaw Man, but it still had a decent following behind it. Why would the studio opt to cut corners like this? It’s just damaging an already proven brand.

The Underwhelming

Solo Leveling

I just do not understand the hype around this series. As far as I can tell, it’s a mediocre power fantasy where the protagonist is mad overpowered for no reason. That’s fine, two of my favorite anime are based around this trope (Overlord and Slime are top tier), but this? This is just meh. It doesn’t help that the show, and the overall narrative, doesn’t pick up for a full five episodes. Talk about a slog, man. Just getting to the point where he has that second Awakening was a goddamn chore. After that? It’s all just gore and the occasional cool animation effect. Overall, for a show going in with this much hype, I’m left wanting. In my head, I can see Madhouse absolutely crushing this thing but A-1 seems to be dragging their feet. Like, it’s not cheap looking at all, we’ll get to those here in a second, but I just feel like, with all the potential this thing has, Solo could have been so much more. I absolutely understand the hype, I really do. There is, for sure, something special about Solo Leveling. I can see it in the margins. But, for a guy like me who has been watching anime for almost three and a half decades, this one is just fine.

The Disappointments

My Instant Death Ability is so Overpowered

The first of many to be crippled by budget. Again, I am a fan of  the manga. This one popped up as a surprise. I had no idea it was getting an adaption so, taking in that first episode, I understood immediately how awful this show was going to be. It has it’s moments but, overall, it is gross to look at. Like, this thing had less than a shoestring budget because goddamn! I’m not going to sit here and pretend that there was a large enough fan base to justify AAA levels of animation, but at least give me a consistent, competent, frame rate. This sh*t is about as consistent as an ice head from Florida!

Chained Soldier

This one hurt. Bro, I LOVE Mato Seihei no Slave. It’s one of the few manga whose release I properly anticipate. I read dozens of these things but there are probably seven or eight I'm really invested in, and Slave is at the top of that list. When it’s adaption was announced, my hype was real. And then I watched that first episode. Disappointment. But, I was willing to give the show the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it will get better as time goes on? It did not get any better. This thing is ugly and has these weird ass, throwback, splash scenes whenever an attack is used. It’s f*cking absurd and makes the show WAY more dated than it actually is. There’s a certain charm you need to execute that type of stuff and this adaption has none of that. And, as if to make the entire situation worse, the actual battle scenes, the strongest part of the manga, awe the weakest aspects of this anime! How do you fumble the bag this hard??

Gushing Over Magical Girls

Here’s another one that is just plain disappointing. Again, huge fan of the manga. High expectations. Dashed on the rocks of a stymied budget. Just off the premise alone, evil yuri Magical Girl battles with a hard lean into sadism, how goddamn popular this show could have been? Do you know how much potential for gags, visual brilliance, and clever fan service, ended up wasted because there were no funds to properly animate that sh*t? Gushing is, unapologetically, smut, but it’s smut that does something fun. Watching this adaption is not fun. It’s borderline painful. I wasn’t even all that hyped when i found out about this pone, more curious how it would be executed. I had no expectations and still, I was so very, very, disappointed.

Banished from the Hero’s Party

I can’t say I am a huge fan of this one but I do enjoy the manga. It’s got fantastic art, endearing characters, and some of the best fight scenes on the page. I recall that translating fairly well in the first season of this show. Definitely not the second. Someone took a rusty knife to this thing’s budget and it shows. Bro, there are frame rate issues, errors, and inconsistencies throughout every goddamn scene of this show. A perfect example? The “fight” between Ruti and whoever the new hero dude is. That sh*t was THE WORST and it’s arguably the BEST fight in the goddamn show! I wince for what was, lament for what is, and weep for what could have been.

Honorable Mentions or The Dropped

The Wrong Way to Use Healing Magic

This one is fine. Generic, Isekai, nonsense, but still pretty fun. It’s inoffensive and decently animated, for the most part. Sh*t’s not redefining the genre or impressing with it’s visuals, but I’m not trying to claw my eyes out while watching it, either.

Ragna Crimson

This one is another anomaly for me. I used to read the manga but dropped it long ago. It just felt too repetitive and wildly uninspired I took a gander a the first few episodes of this thing and it’s fine. I wasn’t super impressed but that’s probably more because I didn’t care for the anime all that much. I mean, he action is solid or whatever but it’s a soft pass for me.

Tales of Wedding Rings

Another surprise in the same vein of Gushing Over Magical Girls. Wasn't expecting it at all but figured I’d give it a shot on the strength of the manga. It’s fine. The art from the book is so much stronger and you lose a lot of that charm with the simplified animation models. I've seen around five or six episodes of this one but I have no intention of finishing the series. The difference between the manga art, and the anime style, is so disparate, it’s just depressing.

Admittedly, most Winter anime seasons are kind of whack. With the exception of continuations, content be real thin during the waning days of last year, and burgeoning weeks of current. It feels a lot like Hollywood in that way. You get occasional gems sprinkled in there, I'm told both Metallic Rouge and Ishura are excellent, but I can't be bothered to even start them. I've been too disappointed with the lot I chose. Maybe I'll circle back and dig deeper into what was presented this season but, as it stands, bring on the Spring already!

#anime

[smokeybrandreviews]

Birthday Cake

X-Men ’97 is just over the horizon and I am mad hyped about it. I grew up on that show. It was one of the few cartoons which both my mother and I could watch together. I, being an unapologetic Marvel shill, was all over the Mutants while my mom was actually enamored with the narrative. There were a few cartoons from back that that caught her attention. The Maxx, Gargoyles, and Spawn were also favorites. Don’t ask why I was watching HBO’s Spawn as a twelve year old kid. Or reading his comics. Or even buying them.  Look, man, the Nineties were a different time. We drank out of hoses and watched ultraviolent anime because our parents thought they were “just cartoons.” We were feral, latchkey kids, back in my halcyon days. Good times. Tangent aside, X-Men inform a great deal about how I perceived Marvel Merry Mutants. It was my first exposure to characters like Apocalypse and Nimrod. While I had read The Dark Phoenix saga as a youngster, it was this show which adapted it perfectly. Live action is still chasing that high. Not only that, but it launched Marvel’s very first, and wildly successful, connected universe. Without X-Men, we wouldn’t have gotten that just-as-iconic Spider-Man cartoon, or the lesser known but equally excellent Iron Man, Incredible Hulk, and Fantastic Four shows. The Nineties X-Men cartoon was a watershed moment for Marvel and for Millennials as a whole. For us Marvels shills, it rivaled Batman: The Animated Series in popularity. So color me surprised that X-Men ’97 is being colored as controversial.

Out the box, it’s that tired ass argument that X-Men ’97 too woke. Everything is always too woke. What started out as people being frustrated they turned Rogue’s decadent, devil’s food, bunt cakes, into petite, little, tea biscuits, has spiraled into a weird fervor about who’s gay or something-something forced representation. Half-hearted kidding aside, it’s staggering to me that people are actually mad about this stupid sh*t. Do they even know what the f*ck X-Men is about? The entire concept of a marginalized part of the community, fighting just to be seen as human, is literally the wokest sh*t you can ever write and THAT’S the core of the X-Men mythos! The Uncanny X-Men started out as a very heavy handed allegory for the Civil Rights movement and, while this wasn’t Stan Lee’s initial intent, the characters of Professor X and Magneto became stand ins for the ideologies of Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X. Just, you know, with super powers. The X-Men are the epitome of Woke so to complain about that sh*t seems like you don’t even understand the f*cking point of the narrative. I miss rogue’s big fat ass just as much as the next kid, but you’re f*cking pathetic if you feel some kind of way about Morph being pansexual or non-binary (They literally can change into anything. Like Mystique). There are actual things to be outraged about, like how the creator of this revival is pretty much a scumbag, or how Marvel Studios has been suffering in the writing department for years. That’s where my concern would lie, especially considering how well written the OG show was.

Is this show going to be Woke? Absolutely. That’s the entire goddamn point of the X-Men. It’s the core of who they are. Take that away and what do you have? A bunch of Capes with random f*cking powers who live in the same house. Where’s the hook? Where’s the draw? Where’s the meat? How are they different than the Avengers at that point? The Fantastic Four? The Defenders? It’s that sprinkling of social consciousness which really gets the juices flowing, really revs up those storytelling engines. I mean, tell me how you write something as profound as God Loves, Man Kills, without it being “Woke”? You can’t. That is a gut-punch of a read and it’s pulled right out of today’s headlines, even though it was written forty years ago. The fear-mongering is real, but instead of Nightcrawler, it’s Mexicans. Same goddamn energy, same goddamn racist ass narrative. Even when they are spiraling out into a world of sci-fi, deep space, time travel misadventures, the core of their narrative is how much they are hated. This whole Krakoa saga, some of the best X-Stories told in decades, is coming to a close because of that long held hate and fear. House of M? Role reversal, mutants accepted and humans forced into being second class citizens. Decimation? Wanda kills off the powers to ninety percent of the entire Mutant population. Utopia, Operation: Zero Tolerance, Genosha, the entirety of the Ultimate run: All derivative of that social pressure and general fear toward the different. That’s what makes an X-Men story, and X-Men story. Getting mad about that sh*t after decades of that being a core aspect of their stories, is f*cking dumb. Not as dumb as Marvel excising Rouge’s cheeks, though. Rest in Power, you doubled-up, delicious, pound cakes! You will be missed.

#X-Men #X-Men '97 #Some ol' bullsh*t

[smokeybrandreviews]

Going Solo

I am trying my goddamndest to care about Solo Leveling but it has become a straight up ordeal. I do not understand the hype at all. Admittedly, I am prone to automatically dislike the most popular and mainstream of sh*t on principal. I tent to find the fans of those types of thing to be objectively insufferable and it turns me off to whatever the sh*t is. I cannot tell you how many Narutards and WoW trolls have attacked me in my life because I don’t prostrate myself at the feet of their chosen media. Like, Naruto is okay. It’s the second best of the Big Three but I’m a BLEACH guy and World of Warcraft is whatever. I don’t give a sh*t about MMORPGs in general. Interestingly enough, I am about that solo life in my RPGs. I am a man of story. I love well developed characters and a properly fleshed out world. These are all things I was led to believe Solo Leveling archives. I’m seven episodes in, and haven’t seen any of it. The wild thing is, everyone who swears by this show is telling me that it’s not supposed to, that the narrative doesn’t pick up until f*cking chapter one hundred. Bro, what?

Solo Leveling has garnered much of its praise from the excellent web comic of the same name. As I understand it, the rich world building and colorized art, is what has people completely enamored with the series. I made an attempt, long ago, to get into this thing right before it got hot-hot and couldn’t stand it. The art is bad, very amateurish in my opinion. The coloring was very basic, too. I could tell that this was a series made by A guy in his bedroom, basically. That’s fine. I’m all about that. Get your exposure. I’m a huge fan of ONE. His Web comic version of One-Punch Man is the worst in terms of art, but the world building was there almost immediately. There was enough in those first few hideous chapters, to keep me coming back. Eventually, Murata got a hold of the narrative and blessed us with his art. All of a sudden, OPM is brilliant on all fronts and I can dig it. Solo Leveling has not been blessed in this way. An entire series and a spin-off later, this sh*t is still ugly as f*ck to look at. It’s so ugly, the immaculate world building can’t even really save it for me and that’s a whole different issue, in of itself!

Bro, the overarching story is kind of whack. I’ve watched a ton of plot synopsis and “what you need to know” about Solo Leveling, and i am thoroughly unimpressed. I’ve come across these OP protag stories before, it’s basically a trope now, so the devil is in the details. From what I can tell, the details in Solo are not all that interesting. Like, I’ve seen this plot before. I’ve read this story multiple times. It’s Reincarnated as a Slime/Sword. It’s Kenichi, Black Clover, and Tokyo Ghoul. It’s Parasyte, Deadman Wonderland (which is excellent, one of my favorites, and a high recommend), Attack on Titan, and f*cking Arifureta. All of these narratives follow the same beats, hit the same notes, and deliver the same kind of overall plot. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, Slime, Wonderland, and Sword are some of my favorite anime, all-time, I’m just saying Solo has a lot of work to do in order to impress and it’s falling really short. I can’t wait over a hundred chapters worth of content for this sh*t to finally catch up to what Slime did in ten. That’s bogus as f*ck.

I am flailing over here, man. I want to like this sh*t, I really do. Conceptually, Solo is right up my alley, but this goddamn execution is killing me. It took five whole ass episodes for ANYTHING to happen. Even then, the animation was pathetic. Even during the short bursts of very obvious budget expenditure, sh*t was still barely dope. I’m watching this and just keep thinking One-Punch Man is basically the blue print for this stuff and it’s exceptional. The other one, Tower of God, is f*cking brilliant all around. Why is Solo Leveling so goddamn pedestrian? Not even the gore is enough to distract me from the utter disappointment and I don’t even actually care about this show like that. It is a frustration because I can see this thing being great if another animation studio actually put in the effort to animate this sh*t. If it had a distinct vision for its art style or some sort of specific look it could call its own. Instead, it’s the most generic sh*t I’ve seen in anime in some time and I just don’t care about it.

#Solo Leveling #anime #Some ol' bullsh*t

[smokeybrandreviews]

Viy Viy Viy

It'd been a clean minute since i updated on my FGO account growth and for good reason: I got locked out again! Fortunately, your boy learns lessons and i made sure to keep track of all the sh*t they said i didn't, last time. I've come far enough, and spent enough of my actual dollars, for this sh*t to hurt if i lost my account again, so i stay prepared with that recovery info. Servant Name, Birth date, what device you play on (this is the bit they got frothy about), User ID, Gender, Current Level, Favorite Servant, Current Party, and the last Transfer Code you used. It was super weird, though, because, even after i filled out that retrieval form, cats over yonder at Recovery were trying to say i still f*cked up for playing on an emulator. Like, bro, what? You telling me that i can lose my account permanently, for playing on my big ass laptop screen instead of my big-ass-for-a-phone screen? That sh*t is dumb. Just let us tie our accounts to something like every other competing mobile game, goddamn! Like, seriously, how have you, as a mobile game, been around for nearly a decade, and still don't have that option? Quality of life frustrations aside, I've come pretty goddamn far on part deux, even farther than the first account.

Right now, as we speak, my Master level ticked up to 124. I can't remember what i was on the first account, but I'm pretty sure i was around there when i lost it so, in terms of grind, I'm back to where i was, in roughly a third of the time. I am okay with that. I've powered through the story, cracking Avalon Le Fae literally the other day. The Lostbelts have turned out to be pretty f*cking solid, considering how hit-and-miss the Singularity stories were. Like, I'm not mad, those were fun, especially the last three, but you can tell me you wouldn't want to see an Olympus (and, yes, i am including Atlantis in that) adaption over a Babylon one, any day of the week. I could be bias in that regard, though. Ancient Greek mythology is my sh*t and A LOT of those Greek gods were dope as f*ck. I had a particularly good time with that Zeus fight. Sh*t was mad fun and i loved that interpretation so much. I, for sure, thought these things were going to suck because Anastasia was kind of bunk, but color me surprised as those plots got better as the Lostbelts progressed. I still have a few narratives to go to catch up, The straight up epic of Avalon and that Epilogue, Plus all the Free Quests i haven't done, but that grind has been good for my Roster. And let me tell you, i am okay with the Servants i have summoned.

Yo, i finally popped Anastasia! Netting the last Romanov is what made this account so hard to part with. I've been chasing her icy ghost for years, man. She's been my favorite Caster and top ten all-time Servant, since she was introduced all those years ago. Now, finally, FINALLY, she's mine! Obviously, i immediately maxed her out in terms of level. That is one of the perks of all this story grind, actually. I'm lousy with Hellfire of Wisdoms. Chucking a few dozen at my favorite Caster is nothing. Kind of in the same way i Grail'd up and maxed out Gray. Well, level ninety max, anyway. I was able to unlock everything i needed to perfectly level El-Melloi's assistant during her Rerun event and that effort has paid off considerably. She is a solid f*cking Assassin. Don't misunderstand, it's King Hassan, all day over here, but I'd be lying if i said Gray has left my Party since i solved that last case. Along the way, I've thrown a few Saint Quarts at a couple of Banners and popped me an Archer Ishtar, Lakshmibai, Parvati, Assassin Okita, and both versions of Ibaraki. I even stumbled across a Saber Arturia, which is hilarious because that sh*t eluded me for years on my first account. Sh*t was, like, the fifth, naturally rolled, Five star i got. Unfortunately, Saber Arturia is trash. I'm also missing my Gorgon and Demon Nobunaga really hard lately. They were two of my favorite Servants on the old account. It's a frustration but, overall, a mild one, I don't hit the Banners as hard as i used to so i have a pretty solid war chest of quarts. To be honest, i actually rolled a ton more Four Stars a long the way, but i burned them all for Rare Prisms. My first account was kind of a "Collect them all" situation but i learned that sh*t is unnecessary. "Collect what you want" is the name of the game now and i wanted to be a beast. I am WELL on my way to making that happen.

I can officially say, i am half a Bond level away from leveling Mordred to that perfect ten. Once that happens, I'll have all but matched where she was on my first account. I say "all but" because I'm still two Noble Phantasm levels short of where she was, and three from being maxed out. That sh*t is a bummer because I'm pretty much at the mercy of the Gacha gods for that one but everything else? Yeah, I'm pouring resources into favourite regicide artist. I was able to grail her and level her up to one hundred a while back but, since we are substantially past where i was cut to ff the last time i played, we can keep that level grind going all the way to one hundred and twenty! Guess who is working on one hundred and one right now? I actually looked into what it's going to take to get Mo to the next level cap and it' f*cking egregious. I got a ways to go, my guy. Fortunately, i as able to max out all of her skills, unlock an append and max that out out, as well as program Command Codes to all of her Command Cards, most of which were Five stars. Again, Mordred needs to be a powerhouse. I'm satisfied with my progress o far but I'd be lying if i said i didn't miss my old account. This new one is coming along nicely but, looking back at what was, i still have a long way to go. Oh! Almost forgot, i also unlocked Mordred's Memories of Trifas costume. Because of course I did. Who the f*ck do you think i am?

#Fate #Fate/Grand Order #Type-Moon

[smokeybrandreviews]

Festival Season

I am a massive fan of MegaTen games. I love everything about them; the battle systems, characters, and overall world. I fell in love with the summoning and fusion systems of these games almost immediately and longed for other franchises to do something similar. It was basically Digimon Fusion before Digimon was a thing. Who wouldn’t want to Lego two Pokemon into a goddamn MewTwo? The missus introduced me to this brave new world with the purchase of Digital Devil Saga so long ago. It was one of the first gifts I ever got her. Watching her play that sh*t really awakened something within me. It was like watching my kid brother playing Final Fantasy IX for the first time but with, you know, violent monstrosities. Way back then, during the golden age of the JRPG, on the PS2, we made it a point to play all of the obscure titles. Nippon Ichi and Atlus were our bread and butter. We had copies of Stella Deus, every DIsgaea available, and even Soul Nomad. No one talks about Soul Nomad. One day, she came home with Persona 3. On that list was Persona 3 vanilla. Bro, after we booted it up and those first few notes of Burn My Dread popped, I was hooked. I must have put three hundred hours into that game. I conquered everything I could in that game, romanced every option, and completed one hundred percent of that sh*t. I unlocked every Persona on just two runs and readily did it again when FES released. The Answer was kind if disappointing but I didn’t mind running through the enhanced world of P3 once again. And then I did it one more time when P3P dropped, though, admittedly, Portable is my least favorite of the lot. Persona 3 opened my eyes to a world of RPGs beyond just your Final Fantasys and Dragon Warriors. Because I enjoyed this one game so much, I was open to trying out others. I wouldn’t have touched Magna Carta if not for Persona. I would have missed out on Rogue Galaxy. Wouldn’t have given Shining Force EXA a second thought. If I had never played Persona 3, I would have never played 4 or 5, and that sh*t seems so bewildering to me because those games are some of my all-time favorites. In fact, for a long while, Persona 5 was my favorite of these games. I wrote a whole thing about, about how, while I loved 3, 5 was a close second. It had legitimately closed that gap after Royal dropped but then Persona 3 Reload was announced. Guess who pulled ahead once again.

I got Reload day one and immediately dove into to. It felt familiar, yet, new. It definitely got all the bells and whistles that made Persona 5 so enjoyable but was still definitely Persona 3. I got my copy for the PS4 so, while the presentation is loads better than the original, and it shows, it’s comparable to Persona 5. Having that “side-by-side” experience just solidifies that P3 IS my favorite Persona title and one of my all-time favorite games, period. I was a little bummed Burn My Dread wasn’t the opening song but Full Moon Full ain’t too shabby on its own. More than that, the quality of life changes are amazing. It’s the little things like the Online Saves or the fact you don't get fatigued in Tartarus anymore. I love how the original character designs got a remix, bringing them closer in line with that Persona 5 aesthetic, and boy do they steal from that P5 aesthetic let me tell you! The thing is, though, it feels full circle to me. I remember, way back when I was playing P5 (shout out to Tae Takemi, best girl in the entire game), that P5 feels like the spiritual successor to P3 in every way P4 is not. Don’t get me wrong, P4 is a classic, but it feels out of place in the trio, almost disconnected. Also, I remember hating Teddy. It’s like, did P3 influence P5, only to have that sh*t bleed back into Reload? I don’t know, and I don’t really care. I get to play Persona 3, on my PS4, with the look of Persona 5. I cannot stress how dope that is. Also, Satanael is DLC. You KNOW I bought due and have been decimating the early game! Thanatos is my second favorite Persona, always, Alice is the first (especially after I customize her), but Ren’s ultimate Persona is a strong third. Like, laughably so. There’s just something about summoning a Demon God that feels so…powerful. Also, you shoot God in the face. How can you not love that?

I’m ten hours into Reload and it is everything I ever dreamed  a full-on Persona 3 remake should be. This isn’t that bait and switch FFVII pulled with Remake. No, for all intents and purposes, this IS Persona 3 but with modern game play and graphics. It’s like I’m popping ion the game for the very first time, damn near twenty years later. The Protagonist is as stoic as ever and the city of Tatsumi Port Island is alive with a vibrancy only the power of PS4 could bring. Building this game on the Unreal engine was a stroke of genius because the models are crisp, detailed, and fluid. There are so many little particle effects that make everything pop. The biggest upgrade is the UI. The thing is, I’m old as f*ck. I’ve been gaming since the old NES days. I’ve seen the evolution of video game and, for me, they peaked way back in the PS3 era. When P3 originally came out, I had no problem with how the title was presented. It got a little flashier with P3P and Persona 4 added their own flair, but Persona 5 really went in on the showmanship. P3R gets a bit of that and it goes a very long way to captivating the player. I thought modern hardware would affect the charm of these OG designs, but it doesn’t. It actually enhances them considerably. It’s subtle, but the bodies are longer, the eyes are smaller, and the overall proportions feel more realistic. I kind of love it. I also love the redesigns, so far. I mean, Mitsuru is gorgeous and I adore the new-ish Elizabeth model, but I’m holding judgment until the very end when I get to see Nyx again. And definitely get my ass throttled by her. Now, admittedly, not all that shimmers is gold. The fact that the Answer, the additional part of FES, isn’t included in what is a very obvious FES remake, kind of bones. I hear that it will be DLC down the line and that sucks. I like Metis. Her design was dope. I’m also not that huge a fan of Thanatos’ first reveal being made with in-game models. The visceral nature of that genesis feels lost when not in animation. It’s good in its own way but, goddamn, did that sh*t hit different way back when. These are, of course, superficial gripes because I am having the time of my life with this game! And it’s only the first play through. That New Game is about to slap crazy hard! I cannot wait to run it back with my heavy hitters on deck. Satanael be damned, getting Thanatos and my laughably OP Alice in the mix is going to be the best!

#Persona #Persona 3 #Persona 3 Reload #MegaTen #Shin Megami Tensei

[smokeybrandreviews]

Color Timer

We seem to be in a bit of a Kaiju renaissance. Goji x Monkee is just over the horizon, much to my chagrin, but the Monarch show was exquisite and Goji Minus One is out here quietly being the best Godzilla content since the very first entry. Beyond that, Kaiju no. Eight is poised to be something special and, considering how slim the pickings anime has been for the past season or two, i am absolutely salivating for that sh*t. Thoroughly expect a big ass Kaiju boom in the genre any minute, kind of like how we've had nothing but Isekai after SAO got unduly popular. Honestly, i want that more than anything. I love Kaiju sh*t almost as much as i love Cyberpunk content. Godzilla is one of the three pillars of my childhood. While my assumption of a great Kaiju boom might be presumptive, there are hints of that sh*t happening. I've come across a few manga that feel very "proto-Kaiju" in nature.

Semelparous feels like that but it's a bit more adult than my usual recommendations. Worth a read, sure, but chock full of titties so, you know, be prepared if you venture in that direction. Otome Kaijuu Caramelize is another solid entry that i enjoy reading. it's a cute, slice of life, with dope ass Kaiju battles and an interesting transformation situation. One of the greatest regrets i have is the fact Ziga was canceled before it even had the opportunity to get going. That sh*t had exceptional art, a rather compelling Shonen story, and a fantastic world to explore. It, apparently, didn't connect with audiences at the time, sh9t was released at the height of the Isekai craze, and was unceremoniously canceled It was kind of Kaiju no. Eight before Kaiju no. Eight. So much potential, lost to the ages, because it was about five years too early. Sh*t sucks, man. It's one of those great "What Ifs", like Psyren. I mourn Ziga, for sure, but that's not what this post is about. No, this one is a celebration.

I wanted to bring a fledgling narrative to everyone's attention, a Kaiju story that is ramping up into something special, 70 Meter Girl! I stumbled across this one by accident. It was during one of my manic, middle of the night, weekend search binges, for something new. I remember coming across that Cursificer manga and Girl around the same time and, while the latter had more chapters, the former was a more compelling read to me. Obviously, it hit all of buttons. Great action, beautiful art, a world that was ever expansion, and an attention to detail that you only see in the most auteur of manga. It definitely feels like a throwback to the Nineties type of storytelling, an homage to things like Escaflowne, Ultraman: Towards the Future, and EVA. It follows the misadventures of Hinako Kurobe, as she maneuvers her daily, civilian life, while balancing her job as Nanamaru, the first line of Kaiju defense and the titular Seventy Meter Girl.

I mentioned the throwback nature of this book before, but a lot of that has to do with the art. It's almost like how SSSS.Gridman captured that weirdly stiff, jerky, Tokusatsu type of movement, the sheer scale and actual weight of it, in anime, but Girl does it on the page. It's hard to articulate but, seeing those action panels and the dynamic nature of their flow, really hammers home that Iwata Nawoya really understands the genre. His Kaiju design is top tier, crazy detailed, and hearkens back to those Seventies classics. The one in the first chapter smacks of Toho's Baragon or Tsubaraya's Gomora. It was odd seeing this still image and knowing exactly how it moved, how methodical and destructive the thing was. More than that, the art, itself, felt like a throwback to the stuff i grew up with. I'm saying it was giving me flashbacks to old school Shirow and Kishiro. It has this weirdly nostalgic style, the would fit right into that transitional period between the Eighties and Nineties. I kind of love it. That, alone, keeps me coming back but the narrative is absolutely compelling. The narrative, itself, is only five chapters deep, but I'd be lying if i said it was just packed with detail. You learn a lot about hat world in those scant entries but it's more than enough to keep you coming back for more. Nawoya is also the author of this series so you know that this book is all him. he has a plan and, as long as the thing gets enough eyes on it, he'll be bale to execute beautifully.

Seventy Meter girl is wonderful. It's a little young in the tooth and can easily go sideways as the story develops, but i trust Nawoya. The strength of his art, alone, is worth a gander but it's not like he sucks at storytelling. Kaze no Stra made it to forty-three chapters and saw a decent amount of success. I've never read it, myself, but i might pick up based on Girl's first few chapters. You have to keep in mind, not everyo0ne finds their stride right out of the gate. Even Kubo kind of flopped with Zombie Powder so Girl might be Nawoya's big hit. It certainly has all the trappings for one. We'll see where this thing goes, especially with Kaiju no. Eight poised to absolutely ruin the industry in the way Naruto and FMA did back in the day. I'm sure there'll be a rush for content like this, probably under the guise of the "Superhero" genre but make no mistake: This sh*t is Kaiju at it's finest. Or maybe it's all just wishful thinking on my part. Maybe i want Girl to succeed because the wound of Ziga's failure is still weeping from my heart. Oh, what could have been...

#70 Meter Girl #Seventy Meter Girl #Shoujo 70 m #manga

[smokeybrandreviews]

Glamour in Pink

It’s been a few weeks and all the Barbie Oscar nomination discourse has kind of died down. I’ve been waiting to chime in on it because I have a completely different take on that whole situation, and I kind of didn’t want to be called a misogynist for it. I don’t think my opinion should be all that inciting but, you know, the internet It’s like a box of cats out there, even more so on this hell site, but I’ve been around for years and want the smoke so here it goes. See, I watch movies. I’ve watched a ton of goddamn movies in my life. Probably several thousand. I mean, you can probably tell that from the fact I have a tertiary blog strictly for reviews. Be it television, film, comics, games, whatever, i have my soapbox. I also watched most of the films in the corresponding categories in which Barbie was “snubbed”. For me, these weren’t snubs. I’m not going to get into how the feminist film wasn’t recognized by the Academy and whatever else because that’s an emotional response. It’s like when people wanted Black Panther to win something. I disagreed then, too, for a lot of the same reason. Plainly put, Barbie, like Black Panther, just wasn’t good enough.

Best Director

Best Director was loaded to the gills, man. I didn’t see The Zone of Interest, but the rest of those films are, in my opinion, were directed much better than what we got in Barbie. I’m not taking anything away from Greta but, just surface level, I can honestly say the guiding hand of Lanthimos, Nolan, and Scorsese, kind of exposed a lot of what Greta was doing with her film. It’s weird to say, but watching Barbie kind of made me realize that Greta is still a little rough around the edges in terms of her craft. Those other names on the list, they have a clear vision as to how to execute the narratives they bring to the screen. Greta has this ability but it didn’t feel as focus in Barbie as it did in, say, Little Women. I don’t know if that’s because this wasn’t an adaption but compared to the others in this category, I see why she was left out. Like, what the f*ck was up with all of the Will Ferrell sh*t, anyway? Why did it take up so much of the film?

Best Actress

Straight up, my gut tells me Margot was robbed. Putting that out there immediately because I have a massive Robbie bias. I think she is an incredible actress and admire the f*ck out of her finding her own way in the industry with her Lucky Chap production company. All that said, objectively, this category is probably tougher than the Best Director one. Again, didn’t see Anatomy of a Fall so I can’t comment on Sandra Huller but every other actress on this list, f*cking killed. Carey Mulligan, for sure did her thing in Maestro and, while I found that film to be kind of boring overall, her performance never disappointed. Annette Benning is a giant in the industry and she threw that weight around in Nyad like it was just second nature to her. Lily Gladstone was absolutely brilliant in Flower Moon. She brought so much depth and emotion to that role, it would have been hard not to include her in this category. Now, for my money, Emma Stone takes this category because her time spent as Bella Baxter was incredible. Id Oppenheimer didn’t exist, Poor Things would be my Film of the Year, and that’s almost exclusively because of Emma f*cking Stone!

I may sound like I’m going in on Margot and Greta but I cannot stress enough how that’s not the case. I absolutely believe Greta is an exceptional director, Ladybird proved that, and my love for Margot is profound. Hell, even after everything just said, I don’t begrudge the fact so many people feel slighted that they got slighted. Like, they JUST missed the cut, in my opinion. If any one of those films slid into next year’s competition. If, say, Poor Things had a January release, Barbie would be right there. It is a really, really, great film and definitely deserves the Best Motion Picture nod, but I don’t think it’s good enough to win. I don’t think it deserves that gold. I think Runner Up or nomination, is just fine for what we have. The competition is just way too strong this year, which is why Margot and Greta didn’t get the nods. It’s not some gran, -Isitc, conspiracy. There is no irony to be had here. Greta didn’t put together a solid enough effort by comparison and Margot got lost in the shuffle of an unusually strong Best Actress class. That’s all. Seriously, watch the other films in their categories and tell me which one doesn’t deserve to be there. You tell me which film gets the boot to let Margot and Robbie in. I bet you’re going to have as hard a time as I did trying to figure that one out.

#The Barbie Movie #Barbie #Mattel #Some ol' bullsh*t

[smokeybrandreviews]

Like Lightning

Street Fighter: The Movie is a goddamn masterpiece. I said what I said. Obviously, I know the film is terrible. Just, garbage. Straight stagnant, tepid, dumpster water. But, in that awful mire of sludge and refuse, there is a certain charm to be had. Like going out to a field after a torrential downpour, and just rolling in the mud. Slumming it through the seediest dive bars with your friends, picking fights and being ridiculous. This movie has the same energy as an alleyway raccoon, looking to mug you for the rest of your half eaten, three in the morning, hangover preempting burrito. It’s just feral, chaotic, nonsense and I love every goddamn second of it! Now, before you try and say I’m just an asshole who devours schlock, that isn’t the case. I love all forms of cinema. I was one of the few people who genuinely enjoyed Tenet and actually understood Stoker, after three viewings. I am a staunch supporter of the auteur and relish the creativity in their art. I am, at heart, a lover of storytelling and kind of a snob when it comes to cinema. But, at the same time, one of my favorite Godzilla films is Goji versus Megalon and that sh*t is abject trash. I find merit in the absurd and, sometimes, something can be so bad that it comes out the other side of preposterous. The Room is a film like that. The Rock is another. Really, anything Tax Money Desperate Nic Cage is in. There is is the cinematic sweet spot where you can be just the worst, and still entertain. So bad, it’s good, in quite a few ways. Street Fighter: The Move finds that balance perfectly.

I watched this movie opening day with my uncle, way back in the mid-Nineties. Street Fighter was all the rage, absolutely tearing up the arcades. I believe Championship Edition had just come out and I was learning how to play with my darling Cammy White. But dem cheeks, tho! I was nine or ten years old and, after witnessing the glory o Bison on screen for the first time, left he theater crushed. That was the first time I distinctly remember being disappointed by a film. Even my little fifth grade ass knew that sh*t was trash. There were just SO many things wrong with that film. Ryu wasn’t the main character and Ken was just some white dude in slacks. Sagat was this old man with a goofy eye patch Who the f*ck was Captain Sawada and where the hell was Fei Long or T. Hawk? The less spoke about what they did to Blanka and Dhalsim, the better. But the worst transgression this film made, was that pitiful ass hadoken Ryu threw during the climax. It was like a little flashlight in his palms. Sh*t was mad whack! So much of this movie was wrong; just flat-out incorrect to the lore. Why would they change so much of the story? You’ve basically stripped the identity of Street Fighter, out of Street Fighter. This is before I understand what Hollywood does to thing during adaption. The horrible, terrible, things they do in adaption. Especially to Video Game narratives… But it’s not all doom and gloom. There were a few things i rather enjoyed about the film. Obviously, the fact Cammy was in really went a long way to redeeming a ton of the sh*ttiness. I was a pretty big fan of JCVD back in the day so him getting cast as Guile was a boon to me. I adored the Chun-Li trio. I’ve been in love with Ming Na Wen for years, and that probably started with this film. E. Honda was awesome, Zangief was delightfully dense, and f*cking Dee Jay stole every scene he was in. That sh*t sparked pure joy for me but all of that, everything in this film pales in comparison to Raul Julia’s purely farcical take on M. Bison!

“For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me? It was Tuesday.”

Let me tell you, even as a child, that line hit different. It was just so confident, so matter-of-fact, and the way Raul delivered it? Sir, you couldn’t anymore condescending. That smug, blisteringly callous, matter-of-fact way, he just SAID that sh*t was everything. Dude basically genocided Chun-Li’s village and was just like, “Yeah, but who are you again?.” Absolutely brilliant. Raul Julia's performance in this film, is one of the best I have ever seen in my entire f*cking life. Back when I was a kid, I just thought it was a fun time. As an adult who understands film, I know, for a fact, Raul put every ounce of his joy into that performance. It's not M. Bison, it's Raul Julia, channeling his Gomez Addams, while performing Bison for his kids and i love that. During this entire filming process, Julia was dying from cancer. He took this gig, his last acting job, because his children loved Street Fighter. This performance is a gift to them and he gave it everything. He left them something special, something that has endured for decades. Street Fighter: The Movie is bad. It is. But Raul Julia is f*cking brilliant. He outshines everything in that film and makes it more than worth a watch. I loved him as a kid and I appreciate him as an adult. If you have two hours to kill, definitely check it out. Keep in mind, it's kind of the worst, but you won't care. The second Julia saunters onscreen, you'll be lost in his apologetically hammy, scene chewing, showmanship.

#Street Fighter: The Movie #Street fighter #Capcom

[smokeybrandreviews]

Culture Vulture

I had no intention of weighing in on this Travis Kelce/Taylor Swift sh*t because it’s outside my wheelhouse. I don’t care all that much about NFL football anymore and I wouldn’t call myself a Taylor Swift fan. Plus, the zealotry on both sides is kind of a turn-off. I’m old enough to remember the crowds Michael Jackson brought in during his Eighties/Nineties prime. Swift, as large and dedicated as her fan base is, could never. I wouldn’t consider myself a fan of her music, I find it kind of juvenile and mostly harmless, but witnessing so many MAGA Cultists lose their sh*t over it is uncomfortably hilarious. Like, bro, really? Taylor Swift is a psy-op? Because she’s a massive celebrity who uses her voice in ways that she’s passionate about? Word? Sure, whatever. It’s all just white noise to me, which is why I was giving it no attention. That is until I hear someone in my real, actual, life, refer to a fade as the “Travis Kelce.” Excuse me? I had to double check what this dude looked like. Did he have some crazy, Dennis Rodman, type sh*t on his head? Was he going full country with a mullet-hawk? Nope. Mans still just had a high-and-tight. That’s basically just the white people version of a hi-top fade. I literally turned to this man who said that ridiculous sh*t, looked him in the eye, and asked, point blank, “The f*ck is you saying to me right now?”

For those of you who are new around here, I am Black as f*ck. Specially, the giant, scary, black man type of Black as f*ck. In my lifetime, I have had three main hairstyles; Buzzcut, Afro, and Fade. These three cuts are integral to my culture, specifically the fade. Now, I take mine a little lower than most. I prefer to start the fade just above my ears, with a low two or three up top. That allows my waves, when I have them, to pop. And that brings me to another point; The fade is basically the foundation for just SO many of our culture’s hairstyles, it’s absurd. Waves, the Caesar, making Twisties look respectable, and cleaning up Dreads. It even makes that weird, nappy headed trend I’ve seen, that thing kids do with the sponge or whatever, look professional. Hell, I occasionally use the Fade to clean up my Fro from time to time. Yes, there is a thing called an Afro Fade and it is glorious. It’s more a Taper, but even that is a type of Fade. Obviously, the fade isn’t an Black invention, the military has been using the High-and-Tight for decades, but we, as a culture, have adopted it as our own. That sh*t is as intrinsically Black as Hip Hop or Soul food. And like all things Black, it’s appropriated by the Whites and I hate it. The “Travis Kelce”? Really? Right in front of my Black History Month?

The most ridiculous thing about this whole scenario is the fact he adopted the fade while dating a Black woman. That’s right, Travis Kelce, started rocking the “Travis Kelce”, after his Black woman told him he’d look good in a fade. Kayla Nicole gave that man all of his swag and he took everything she offered until he didn’t anymore. She has come out recently to say some not-so-nice things about mans but the fact remains, this wave of popularity, everything that gave Kelce the aesthetic which captured Taylor’s attention (and the nation, apparently), was given to him by a Black woman. Story as old as time. Black women are commodities used to build your brand. White woman are the trophy you claim once you reach a level of success. “He gon leave your ass for a White girl.” Usually, that’s a Black man stereotype but I guess it’s any men at this point. I can get into that all day on its own, and I might (it is Black History Month), but this rant is more about how White culture steals so much from MY culture, and never gives anything back. I mentioned Hip Hop, but it’s everything. Our slang, our swag, our music, our whole vibe; Snatched, sanitized, and gentrified, for bland ass White tastes. A few years back, someone tried to claim Bo Derek rocking box braids was this fashion forward, shattering of industry norms, and that sh*t was, straight up, a way for slaves to smuggle food into the fields. Box raids are called corn rows because they look like rows of corn AND because they could hide crop seeds to later plant for their own purposes. That’s how sh*t like rice and certain grains made it to the Caribbean. Enslaved Black people did that, but let’s credit the White super model from Long Beach with making them popular. Even though Cornrows have been a staple of Black culture since actual slavery times and, arguably, before. That sh*t is gross and we’re seeing it again with this “Travis Kelce” bullsh*t.

Black women are built thick. They have curves. They have breasts. They are genetically voluptuous. I imagine that has something to do with our origins in Africa but I’m not trying to get into an anthropological thesis right now. I know lack girls who were teased for having a dump truck. They were ridiculed by cats for having a fat ass. Along comes Kim Kardashian. Who, admittedly, had a relatively shapely bottom being of Persian descent, got those ass implants. Now, all of a sudden, everyone wants ass implants. All the little middle class White girls want their Daddies (be them sugar or otherwise) to buy them a BBL. Something Black women were ridiculed for, has been snatched, sanitized, and gentrified so White women can basically just cosplay as us. More than one Kardashian has done this sh*t. Iggy Azalea exists. Black women can’t even have their god given physicality, without White people figuring out a way to take that sh*t! The problem isn’t just Travis Kelce and his absurd attribution of the Fade, it’s the entirety of how “American” culture is just Black culture and no one gives us credit for it. Every profitable aspect of American culture, is just Black culture. Literally, around the world, the only aspects celebrated by America, are the Blackest parts. Street fashion is wildly popular in Europe and Japan. Never mind that the bulk of KPop sounds like early Nineties, New Jack RnB, the fact that they fry chicken is a thing. That sh*t is a staple of their cultural identity, and it came over with Black GIs during the Korean war. You think Grime would exists in London without American Hip Hop? We made Jordans hot and now they are a worldwide, billion dollar, brand. We made Champion hot. That sh*t was budget rack, K-Mart, junk until we decided otherwise. Black people are the taste makers of this country. We are why American pop culture pops so hard, but I gotta hear about the f*cking “Travis Kelce” like I didn’t rock a fade with a lightning bolt part, back in the fifth grade. Use us until they use us up. In every sense of that statement.

The wildest thing about this whole situation? Yo, we share. We want people to enjoy US. The fact that Kelce got put on to the Fade in the first place, is proof of that. We love bringing people into our culture. We are crazy supportive. When you’re out doing your thing, and you see a gaggle of the Blacks doing theirs, we will encourage you to join us, to shake your tail feathers right along with us. Don’t matter if you’re good at it or not, it’s that energy we want you to have, that vibe we got. Even though this country hates us and is literally founded on the bodies of my ancestors, we still love. We still accept. We still support. And that’s the real tragedy ion all of this. You don’t need to steal or misappropriate or scavenge. We are very willing to accept you into the fold, as long as you are sincere. Eminem was fully embraced by Black people on the merit of his battle skills. White kids took to him because he looked like them but, when all of the backlash and controversy happened over his lyrical content, Black people supported the f*ck out of him Jim Carrey has gone on record to say that it took the Wayans taking a chance of him, in order for Hollywood at large, to deem him safe enough in which to invest. Ace Ventura happened as a direct result of In Living Color. The Black culture is one of Community. We raise out kids together. We accept strays who don’t have that stable family unit. I have, an Indian, White, and mixed little sister; None of whom are related to me by blood, all of whom I’d go to jail for. My best friend, rest in peace, called my momma, “Momma”, and he treated her as such. The White kid who lived behind my childhood home, had issues with bullies and we let him hang out in my home until late then hop the fence to avoid getting jumped. Hell, a former friend of mine’s ex-wife walked to my house, in the middle of the night, barefoot and in her pajamas, because she was too afraid to be at home with her then husband. She felt safe enough to come to me with that sh*t because of the love. To this day, I would do for Renay without hesitation. That’s just how we’re raised. That’s just who we mare as a people. I know, better than anyone, that this will fall on deaf ears. This is America. But it doesn’t have to be. You don’t have to steal sh*t from us. We are more than willing to share. We are more than willing to put you on. We find joy in that. We find love in it. It’s just such a shame that sentiment isn’t shared. But, of course it isn’t. The next time I go to a barber shop, I gotta ask for a Travis Kelce now because he has been ordained the inventor of the f*cking Fade.

#The Travis Kelce #Fade #Some ol' bullsh*t

[smokeybrandreviews]

Majesty

I got this whole piece about how disappointing the current season of anime is but i had to shelve that because Frieren is till a thing. That debbie-downer of a piece is still definitely coming out, i have grievances, but, after finishing episode twenty-one of Autistic Elf Mage, i needed to take a minute and just gush about this entire franchise. Look, I'm a sucker for a solid fantasy tale. I love all of that sh*t. I've been enamored with Arthurian legend since i was young. I've read Dune a handful of times in my life. I've read all of the Tolkien Rings books and even read the first Game of Thrones novel, but they're not for me. My favorite genre of anime and manga, after cyberpunk, is fantasy. My favorite game franchise is, you guessed, Final Fantasy. I love this sh*t so you can imagine how hard it would be to win my affection. Sousou no Frieren did that chapter one of the manga.

I absolutely adore the manga. I highly recommend checking it out but, considering the popularity of the anime, i think a ton of people already have. This sh*t has become a full-on phenomenon and rightfully so. I am a staunch believer that great visual media (TV, games, film), has to have a strong start on the page. The sh*t you're adapting, needs to be well written before you even begin to visualize how to capture anything for the eye. Sousou no Frieren is a textbook example of this sh*t. I cannot stress how well written that book is. From the characters, to the world, to the magic system; All of it is brilliantly executed with a whimsical, deadpan, levity you rarely see in modern anything. Yamada Kanehito has crafted a masterwork and Abe Tsukasa's art compliments those whimsical words, with some of the most gorgeous art being published in tonkobans today. Sousou no Frieren is every bit as excellent, in almost the exact same ways as Dungeon Meshi, and if you know me, you know that's high praise. I wrote an entire essay, straight up fanboying about Delicious in Dungeon so you know, when i say Frieren is just as brilliant, i mean it. That said, Frieren does one thing better than Meshi and that's it's anime.

The Sousou no Frieren, Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End as it's being called, has no right to be as exceptional as it is. Seriously, the manga, as well executed as it is, is just a slice of life. Now, I'm not bashing that at all. I love those types of stories. Indeed, one of my other favorites, Chillin’ in Another World with Level 2 Super Cheat Powers, is about to get an anime adaption and that thing is basically the same concept, but Frieren's is much more about the journey, rather than the conflict. It's a very weird and contradictory thing when you actually think about it, but nothing really happens in the Frieren plot but, at the same time, SO much happens! It's chock full of content but the way that narrative is approached, makes you think otherwise. It's quite an interesting read so to see that same energy perfectly captured in the anime? I am more than impressed. And, to push my reverence even further, this show looks amazing! Easily the best animated of the season, and it's a holdover from a previous one. Seriously, Madhouse is undefeated when it comes to their craft. I still think the pinnacle of their library was that first season of Onepunch, but this is arguably a close second or third.

Sousou no Frieren is f*cking spectacular, man. In all forms. Read the manga, it's one of the best in print. Watch the anime, it's the best of the season. There's a reason why this thing has become such a cultural phenomenon. It's one of those rare franchises which actually live up to the hype. As a manga reader, i know there is a ton of sh*t just over the horizon that is going to be a f*cking spectacle when it gets animated but what we have now? Even just this bit before the real action set pieces start up, is more than enough to take in these twenty-three scheduled episodes. I mean, that "battle" with Aura was incredible and Frieren just basically stood there. How do you make a scrap that compelling, when one of the combatants doesn't even move? I don't know, but this show did just that. F*cking exquisite. Seriously, watch this show. Read the manga. Episode twenty-one just came out, there's two to go. I had planned on writing this essay after the last episode aired, but i couldn't wait. It's just that good. Sousou no Frieren is as close to a perfect anime adaption as you can get. The hype is real. Watch that sh*t right now!

#Sousou no Frieren #Frieren at the Funeral #Frieren: Beyond Journey's End #anime #manga

[smokeybrandreviews]

Throne of Heroes II: Rank Up Quest

It has been quite a while since i touched on Fate/Grand Order, mostly because it's been an exercise in frustration. My new account is coming along swimmingly but it still pales in comparison to my old one. I feel like there is progress, but it's a real slog, man. That said, i am digging a ton of the new Servants. I've popped a few i didn't expect, Lancer Ryoma immediately comes to mind, and i felt like i needed to redress my favorites list. I need to retire a few to the Hall of Fame because, if i don't, this thing will either be fifty spots long, or just full of sh*t I've already posted. I'll probably make a separate All-Time list later but, for now, just know that Mordred will always be number one for me. All of her. Every last iteration. Actually, f*ck it! In no particular order:

Hall of Fame: Mordred, Rider Medusa, Demon King Nobunaga, Lancer Artoria Alter, Artoria Alter, Archer Gil, King Hassan, Shuten Doji, Francis Drake, Altera, Caster Nero, Semiramis, Gorgon, Abigail Williams, Ishtar

With that out of the way, these are the top servants in the current Fate/Grand Order Material!

10. Kriemhild

I don't care for Berserkers. They're glass cannons and never last long enough to matter, especially in the late game. Still, they have some dope ass designs for the Servants in that class and and Kriemhild has one of the best. She reminds me of Saber Alter in a lot of ways, but far more elegant. That's it. I just really like her design. She'd never make my party because of the Berserker thing, but she's real easy on the eyes. That also accounts for how low she is on this list.

9. Barghest

You telling me Nasu added the Celtic Hellhound to the Throne of Heroes? I can summon the Black Beast to my side? And she shows up as a massive, blonde, muscle mommy? Bro, sign me up! I've always been a fan of the Arturian legend so i was hoping we'd get all of the other, weirdly violent, tidbits which went along with those old Celtic legends. Color me surprised when we got The Lady of the Lake, Baobhan Sith, and Barghest, all in one fell swoop. Also, Moran le Faye but she's a Berserker so, you know, meh.

8. Anastasia

Anastasia is my favorite Caster, hands down. She has a dope design, powerful attacks, and a one of the best Noble Phantasms in her entire Class. I've been chasing after this chick for years, even before i lost my first account, to no avail. She's my Holy Grail right now and it sucks. Powerful Casters who actually do damage are rare and Anastasia, for my money, is the best of that lot. Also, she uses ice. I'm a sucker for those types. I blame Shiva from Final Fantasy IX for that.

7. Senji Muramasa

Hey, look at that! A goddamn Shirouface made to this list! I can't stand Emiya, man. Dude sucks. I get why Archer hates him so much, but it is real hard to hold Muramasa in contempt. It's the perfect Hero to manifest as Shirou. I may not like the character at all but i adore his Reality Marble. Unlimted Blade Works is my favorite attack in all of the Nasuverse and this version, Tsumukari Muramasa Baseless Blade Works, is my favorite version of that! There's just something about watching all of those infinite swords, fold down into one, which satisfies the violent, destructive, urges within me. It gives Genryusai Yamamoto's Bankai, Zanka no Tachi, levels of dope.

6. Romulus-Quirinus

This dude is a powerhouse. Absolutely unit. For a long time, after his release, Lancer Romulus was my go to for doing Archers dirty. Or anyone for that matter. His Skills are ridiculous and just bolster the already absurd destructive potential on hand. There is only one Lancer i love more and she ranks at number one on this list. That said, Romulus-Quirinus is a VERY strong number two. Plus, i dig the design. I'm a sucker for mecha so that golden armor he dons in his latter Stages really does it for me.

5. Kukulkan

Look, i fell in love with Type-Moon because of their intricate, detailed, lore. There is so much content here, it can be overwhelming. Kukulkan is one of the deep cuts. Obviously, the human for is a facade and it's true form is Ort. If you know your stuff, then you know that's a huge f*cking deal. Ort is the Archetype of the Ort belt, basically making it one of the most powerful entities in the Nasuverse. Like all Archetypes, they're basically eldritch horrors of immense power and i get to Summon the heart of one.

4. Amor

Caren Horetensia is my second favorite Master and there is a distinct lack of her in the Grand Orders. Sakura and Rin have a ton of love. Even Shirou has a few Faces out there. Not Caren. As far as i can tell, Amor is the only Carenface there is, and the only option i have to add her to my own roster. It's nuts because Caren has a slick ass design. She'd be a fan favorites if more people knew about her bu, alas, my darling Hortensia has been cursed to the forgotten because no one knows anything about Hollow Ataraxia. Still, i have Amor and that's enough. For now...

3. Larva/Tiamat

Tiamat is my favorite Beast. Ever since she was introduced back in the Babylon Singularity, i have LONGED for a proper Servant version. I watched as i got a Gorgon, Heaven's Hole, and even a Kama. No goddamn Tiamat! I was stewing about it for years but, eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, Nasu blessed us with Larva/Tiamat. Finally, i can add my favorite Beast to my roster, proper.

2. Draco

You're telling me Mother Harlot has finally made it's way into the Throne of Heroes? As a Beast, no less? AND she' a Neroface?? How can i not love this brand new monster? I was actually curious if we would ever be able to Summon a proper Beast class Servant. All of the ones introduced so far, pop out as the normal options. Like, Kama is an Assassin, Heaven's Hole is a Moon Cancer, and Tiamat is an Alter Ego. Not The Whore of Babylon. No, she appears in all her humanity crushing glory and i love her for it.

1. Melusine

I was always curious if Nasu would broach the entirety of Celtic mythology after leaning so heavy into Arturian legend and i wasn't disappointed. Barghest made this list because i was already a fan of those creatures from the legends but i didn't expect him to go full-on like this. Adding The Lady in the Lake was a bold choice, one that i absolutely adore because, not only is she dope overall and has an amazing design, but she transforms into a f*cking dragon during her epic ass Noble Phantasm! They basically turned Lancelot's mom into goddamn Bahamut and I'm here for all of it!

Honorable Mentions: Lancer Ryoma, Space Ishtar, Ivan the Terrible, Grigori Rasputin, Durga, Taira no Kagekiyo, Yu Mei-ren, Lancer Artoria, Zenobia

#Fate/ Grand Order #Fate series #Type-Moon

[smokeybrandreviews]

Monster Mash

The final episode of Monarch: Legacy of Monsters is in the books and it has been one hell of a ride. This show had no right to be as good as it was. Seriously, Monarch was a solid, refreshing, little entry that squeaked in just before the end of the year and I’m glad it did. Obviously, it’s not highbrow, intellectual fair but it is very well written, with strong characters, great performances, outstanding effects, and a whole ass realized world. I have my issues, of course. Off the top, I don’t like any of the original monsters being introduced by the Monsterverse. These things suck balls, every last one of them. Admittedly, this is an overall Monsterverse thing, not just a Monarch show thing. The US is just so uninspired with their kaiju design, always has been. Ren Watabe is kind of awful and doesn’t have the acting ability to carry such an emotionally involved role. Also, this thing just blows open gaping plot holes and raises so many questions about all of the content which came before. I like a lot of the “revelations”, I just wish they were integrated with the established lore better. There’s only a handful of films. You can’t be f*cking up that narrative like this so soon. Those are minor gripes, of course, because Monarch has been a beacon of what streaming originals can be and it has found a pretty broad audience because, and this is kind of the point of this essay, the lead is a lesbian Japanese woman and no one seems to care.

You would be forgiven if you thought this was Kurt and Wyatt Russell’s show, the marketing pushes that narrative strong, but you would be wrong. This show is about the Randa siblings, Cate and Kentaro. The aforementioned disappointment, Ren Watabe plays Kentaro but, in direct contrast to his flaccid performance, Anna Sawai plays his half-sister Cate, and she is the engine that makes this show go. You watch Cate’s character develop, spend so much time with her, learn so much about it. This is HER show and it never she’s away from who she is, which is kind of remarkable because Cate kind of checks every box of diversity bingo. Woman? Yessir. Japanese? You betcha! Lesbian? Check. Overtly carrying romantic feelings for Kiersey Clemons’ bisexual May? Check, again. Also, May is black. Just wanted to throw that in there for reference. Oh, and she basically left Kentaro FOR Cate, too. You’d think having a queer relationship presented front-and-center in the middle of A-spec Goji content would get all the neckbeards in a tizzy, but I haven’t heard a single peep. But the representation doesn’t stop there. The leader of Monarch is a woman. Mari Yamamoto plays the Randa siblings grandmother, Keiko, and she’s also a founding member of Monarch, itself. Michelle Duvall, Sandra Brody’s sister, is this bad ass Monarch operative who goes rouge with Lee Shaw, eventually taking over his band of defectors after the good Colonel goes missing for the second time. This show is riddled with POC, queer, and female representation. By all means, it’s woke as f*ck and no one has said a word. Why? Because it’s f*cking good.

I will dies on this hill, man. There is no such thing as “Go Woke, Go Broke.” There is not Superhero fatigue. The issue is that this stuff is poorly written. Identity politics can encapsulate your entire goddamn narrative, as long as you write it well. Your lead characters can be two, gay ass, men, as long as the character work is there to make those aspects part of who they are, not define them as a whole. I’m speaking, specifically, about The Last of Us. They did that sh*t twice, actually. Nick Offerman’s episode as some of the strongest television I have ever seen in my entire goddamn life. It was beautiful It was tragic. It was inspired f*cking television. That’s how you do representation and identity on television for the wide audience. That’s what Monarch has done with Cate and May. That’s what we need to see more of out of Disney, Lucasfilm, and the MCU. There has to be nuance when developing these characters and stories. They have to feel real, not just performative checkboxes for Xitter clout. You’re always going to have Neckbeards upset that The Force is Female, but don’t feed the trolls with more lazy characters like Rey. Write better ones who line up closer to Ahsoka and Dr. Aphra. Interestingly enough, Chelli is also a queer woman of visibly Asian descent. An just like that, we’ve come full circle! Monarch: Legacy of Monsters is a great show. It’s probably the best thing The Monsterverse has produced to date, and it did so while incorporating a ton of diversity, without alienating the entire audience. That, alone, I think, is worth a watch. And, more to the point, worth the entirety of Hollywood taking note. We need more shows like this, Atlanta, Beef, Reservation Dogs, and The Brothers Sun. It’s not hard to write “Woke” content for the masses, as long as what you write is organic and true to the characters. No one wants to be preached at or pandered to. Monarch towed that line beautifully and every follow it’s example.

#Monarch: Legacy of Heroes #Monsterverse #Godzilla

[smokeybrandreviews]

Sail Away

Man, it has been a clean minute since I've had the opportunity to post consistently. The tail end of this year has been absolutely ridiculous. Life comes at you fast and i have been run over (figuratively and quite literally, twice), so i can't tell you how happy i am to see 2023 give way to 2024. New year, new me, as they say. But, before we progress into the future, i wanted to at least tie up some loose ends here and there, starting with my grand adventure through Azur Lane. Contrary to my radio silence here, I've been pretty active on my weirdly chosen Gacha experience and have made quite a bit of progress since my last check in. I believe the last update i made was about two months ago and, in a gacha game, that's an eternity so, here i am, making up for that long ass gap in time. This is going to be a big one, so bear with me.

Anemia

This year has been kind of an Iron Blood drought and i hate. I am a KMS main and the lack of more Kraut girls has been hard. I appreciate what we did get, particularly the new Priority boats and Bismarck Zwei, but coming of last year where we were lousy with German content, this year was kind of a letdown. Still, I certainly capitalized on what was available, particularly grinding out those PR6 ships with fervor. I did notice coming up with Blueprints for those ships, after they were initially completed, has been like pulling eye teeth but i have made solid progress on that front. Felix Schultz and Hindenburg were completed fairly quickly and i was even able to stack up enough Blueprints to hit Felix with a Fate Simulation but i am SO far off of that for Hindy. Bro, these Rainbow PR blueprints are a CHORE to grind! I've been chasing Hindy's for months! The second she was completed, they just disappeared! It's like the game is forcing me to try and construct the other boats but, like, i don't wanna? I just want my goddamn Krauts to be the best they can be. Speaking of Fate Simulations...

Push It To The Limit

Friedrich Der Grosse got one! Why the f*ck would you buff this powerhouse any further? I think this happened super early in the year but i can't remember. Obviously, i had the Blueprints to make this happen and i, for sure, pulled that trigger immediately. Fried was already a mainstay in my dock as she was before but after that unlock? Man, you'd be hard pressed to find a better ship to lead your KMS fleet. The Fate Simulation drops this year have been very interesting. Like, Fried got one early on, but then Prinz Rupprecht got one, too. We're talking a PR2 ship, followed relatively closely by a PR5? Like, Ruppie got hers before Aegir. How does that math work? WHY did the math work out like that? Aegir is a f*cking monster, but so is Fried, so if you're going to buff her, why not the other? I'm not complaining, i mean, i really am, but petulance aside, what since does this make? One Decisive per Faction a year or something? Shenanigans, sir, shenanigans.

Ultra Light Beams

We had two Rerun events this year which allowed me to net two of the three missing UR ships i needed. I was able to pop both New Jersey and, more importantly, Shima-f*cking-zake! Bro, I've been chasing that rabbit since her initial run two years ago and finally - FINALLY - added her to my Sakura Empire dock. I cannot stress to you how satisfying it was when that reveal cut to her little intro animation. This sense of accomplishment just washed all over me. Actually, in hindsight, this has been the year of the UR. We had those Reruns, but we also got Unzen, Bismarck Zwei, Yorktown II (kind of), and Implacable, were all released this year. Obviously, i ran those Banners hard and popped them all but Manjuu didn't stop there. The current event, Light-Chasing Sea of Stars, is offering two UR entries for Eagle Union! I already rolled enough of the first, Guam, to fully Limit Break her. all that's left now is to grind out enough of those f*cking Bunbun UR Vouchers, to buy Laffey II. Considering I'm still chasing the ghosts of Vanguard and Kronshtadt, there's no way I'm going to miss the opportunity to add Laffey the 2nd in her native Event. Also, i miscounted the men. I was missing four URs initially. Thank god for the Lite Rerun.

Horrors of the Deep

I have to say, that Tempesta dock got a huge biff out of nowhere this year. I thought it was just going to be Royal Fortune as a one off. Apparently, that was never the case. We got an entire Fleet of eldritch nightmares. These weird ass ghost ships got a whole as event unto themselves, filled with cannonballs and tentacles. That Tempesta and the Fountain of Youth minor event was quite interesting. I actually went into it rather haphazardly. I had no intention of actually completing it, i just wanted to pop Golden Hind. Ended up kind of completing the entire banner. As of right now, i have every available Tempesta ship and it feels odd? I never use them but they have become my third favorite Fleet in the game, based strictly on aesthetic. I'm particularly fond of Mary Celeste, Golden Hind, and Sao Martinho. Obviously, Royal Fortune, Adventure Galley, and Whydah, also chart up there but those first three? Yeah, i can count them in the upper ranks of my favorite ships, which almost exclusively consists of Iron Blood boats. I might, if i have time later, properly raise that Fleet up but i kind of feel like i have enough to do at the moment.

Spoils of War

I've been playing Azur Lane for about three years now and, for the first time ever, i maxed out both oil and coins. I didn't even know coins had a cap. It was weird not being able to disassemble gear because i had too much cash. To be perfectly honest with you, i rarely have less than around four hundred thousand coins at any given time, mostly because the sh*t available for purchase with them, sucks. Who buys Blue Tech Boxes? Why would anyone invest in that? I mean, i get it, if you're brand new, you need all the equipment you can get but for someone like? Someone who stays gilded? Yeah, that's ridiculous. I ended up have in to cash out the entire shop, related it, and cash it out again, just to lose enough coin in order to continue the grind. All in all, even though the Events were kind of few and far in between, I had a pretty solid time with my money pit of a Gacha game. Azur Lane didn't come with the heat like last year but it was still a solid adventure worth giving a proper goodbye. 2024, you were definitely a mixed bag for me on those high seas but you were totally worth it in the end. Here's to the future and, hopefully, a few more UR Reruns and a couple more Iron Blood Carriers. Maybe combine the two and give me a goddamn Rainbow Kraut Carrier!

#Azur Lane

[smokeybrandreviews]

Truth to Power

Now, for transparency, I am not a fan of Katt Williams the Stand-Up Comedian. I find his style grating. Credit where it’s due, the man can tell a joke. It’s just HOW he tells it which grates on my nerve. Katt relies, heavily, on the “loud Black Woman” stereotype. He absolutely screams into his mic when he’s on stage. That sh*t is fine when you’re delivering a punchline, Bernie Mac was a master at that sh*t, but Katt goes one hundred, immediately out the gate. For me, it clouds the message behind the joke and Katt stays dropping pearls. Mans is as socially conscious as Chappelle, but you wouldn’t know it because Williams stays shrieking at you. That said, I AM a fan of Katt Williams the Actor. Dude is crazy talented and deserved that Emmy win for playing the Alligator Man on Atlanta. A Pimp Named Slickback and Money Mike are also roles he absolutely killed. I have the utmost respect for Katt Williams as an artist, entrepreneur, and entertainer. I cannot say the same for a lot of the cats he called out on Club Shay Shay.

I’ve always had a problem with Kevin Heart. Always. He’s the Black Kevin James to me and I f*cking hate Kevin James. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed once at anything Heart has produced. His entire persona just irked me and it took a very long time to figure out why. That is until he got caught cheating and his whole facade fell right off. Heart is a Brand and he will tell you that to your face. He has openly admitted to doing the things other black comedians would not. He said, in no uncertain terms, with his whole as chest, on the Breakfast Club, that he basically bojangles for the whites because they have the loot. Which is exactly what Katt has been saying, consistently since Hollywood turned from him and toward Heart, this entire time. Heart has found insane success but it’s at the cost of his artistic and creative integrity. He sold out and is proud to have done it. Steve Harvey is the same f*cking way. He told Unc that he’ll never do another stand-up special because of Cancel Culture, that as long as you’re a sponsored comedian, you can’t risk the bag. Chappelle can say whatever the f*ck he wants because his revenue flow is based on subscriptions. If Harvey ever does another Special, it was have to be at the end of his career in television because he would, for sure, be canceled afterward. That’s Harvey staying safe for the whites. He’s protecting his Brand. He has sh*t he wants to say, but won’t, because it would f*ck with his pockets too much, just like Heart. That’s straight up, textbook, cowardice.

There is truth in comedy. To be a comedian, you need integrity. You need to stand on your word, on your principals, and say what you will with your whole chest. That’s why Chappelle is so loved and touted as one of the greats. That’s why people, to this day, love Jon Stewart. That’s why Katt Williams can still go out on tour and sell out enough shows to pay his opening act three hundred grand to come out with him. Kevin Heart and Steve Harvey stand for nothing. They’ll say and do whatever their handlers tell them to, be it a studio or a sponsor. That Illuminati sh*t and Humiliation Theory is nonsense. One isn’t a theory and the other is just rich blacks going full bourgeois. The joke stealing is a known thing in Hollywood and a ton of what Katt said were just regular ass, personal grievances, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a conversation to be had. Pete Rock said that chasing the bag is what ruined Hip Hop. He’s not wrong. Look at Jay-Z. Mans made it to Billionaire status but lost his soul in the process. He alienated and betrayed the very people who helped give him that opportunity in the first place. Now, he’s out here telling  the NFL commissioner, out of his mouth, on a televised special, that we, as black people, have moved passed kneeling. Why? Because he needs to protect hat bag. He needs those white people dollars, so he stabbed us, as a people, and a culture, in the back. Steve Harvey did the same thing to Bernie Mac. Dude tried to sabotage a ton of Bernie’s roles, handicapping him behind his back while smiling to his face. Heart did the same thing to Katt, saying yes to everything Katt refused to do, instead of standing in solidarity with Williams on the bullsh*t scripts they got in Hollywood. And to what end? Who has Heart helped? How has he given back to the community, to the culture, by schuckin’ and jivin’ his way into the being a token? Not a f*cking thing.

That’s what we need to take away from this entire situation. We lift up and revere these Black Business Moguls like they’ve accomplished something, but to get there, they had to cannibalize us as a people. They followed the Fox/WB/UPN method, building their brand on the backs of black loyalty, delivering content derived from and about black culture, only to turn on us when they got big enough. Kevin Heart’s first film was Soul Plane. Now, he’s basically The Rock’s sidekick, taking on the comedic foil to a man who stands on his brand to a fault. Steve Harvey hosted Showtime at the Apollo for years. The Apollo Theater is the mecca for black artistry. It’s the tempering fire for our culture. Now that he has Family Feud, he’d never step foot on that stage again. It’s too controversial and it would damage his Brand. Oprah and Tyler Perry are the same goddamn way. They hide behind this veneer of black excellence, but only for select blacks. The good ones. The ones who stay in their place and do what they’re told. No one talks about the career body counts these cats have left in their wake on the way to that Billionaire status. No one talks about the victims riddled just outright the spotlight of their Brand recognition. No one talks about how much these moguls and superstars have compromised their integrity for personal gain. No one talks about this sh*t but Katt sure the f*ck did. He talked about it for three hours of Club Shay Shay. At times, it was funny, other times absurd, often times hyperbole . but there was enough truth in there to spark up a real conversation. A conversation we, as black people, need to have. One that should have been started long, long, ago.

#Katt Williams #Shannon Sharpe #Club Shay Shay #A Pimp Named Slickback

[smokeybrandreviews]

NBA Rant: Delusions of Grandeur

Respectfully, f*ck Steven A. Smith for dismissing Kobe Bryant. Bean doesn’t deserve to be in the GOAT conversation? Are you f*cking kidding me? Are we talking the Kobe who dropped eighty-one of Jalen Rose and the Toronto Raptors? Are we talking the Kobe who lead his team to three consecutive Finals and two titles, with only Pau Gasol as the lone Superstar caliber talent by his side? Are we talking about arguably the keenest, sharpest, most brilliant basketball mind to ever step foot on a court? Look, I understand that Stephen A., and his industry as a whole, are out here feeding the trolls and stirring the pot for a living, but, my dude, stop. Just, stop. Dismissing Kobe Bryant from the GOAT conversation is just stupid, especially when you take into account that, long before LeBron entered the league, the GOAT conversation was between Kobe and Jordan almost exclusively. Kobe is, and always has been, the Air Apparent and for good reason. Gilbert Arenas made a great f*cking point. Cats always throw LeBron in there at number two because of his insane stats but Players don’t go by that. They go off of what you can do, with what you have. Every great on the list has a god given advantage. Jo0rdan had a forty inch vertical and gigantic hands. Shaq is just a whole ass tank. Bron is an athletic freak of nature. Magic is a 6’9” Point God with unlimited court vision. Kobe had none of that. What Kobe had was straight up tenacity. He was driven. He had work ethic. He had Mamba Mentality. If we're really going to sit here and asterisk Kobe’s first three titles because he played with Shaq, then we have to do the same for ALL of Bron’s titles, right? If we’re being fair. Bron won his first two on those Heatles squads alongside a revolving door of Hall of Fame talent but, more specifically, he ran the court with a prime Chris Bosh and just-outside-his-prime Dwayne Wade. The next two came after teaming up with Kobe’s number one Apostle and heir apparent, Kyrie Irving, and a Kevin Love who was putting up Double-Doubles like they were an afterthought on a middling Minnesota team for years. Even that Bubble Title can be written off because it was won in the goddamn Bubble! To take it a step further, I would even say, with my whole chest, the path to all of Kobe’s titles was far more difficult, considering he played during the era of the Super West. However, there is one, single, aspect, which puts Kobe over Bron and that’s the fact LeBron makes his teammates worse.

Kobe played alongside Shaq. Doing so freed Shaq up to become the Diesel. HE was able to find his most dominate self with Kobe. Pau Gasol found his most efficient self, playing alongside Bean. Metta World Peace won a whole ass title, tagging along with Bryant. We saw how ineffective Derek Fisher was when he left LA for Utah. Guess who didn’t play in Utah? The list goes on and on. Lamar Odom, Shannon Brown, Rick Fox, Nikola Vucevic, Luke Walton; Tons of players came through LA and found a place alongside Kobe to brilliant effect. One could make the argument that the Triangle had way more to do with that than Kobe, but I’ll raise you USA Basketball. After that Bron led team brought home Bronze, who did Coach K go and get? Kobe Bean Bryant. And what happened? The Redeem Team was born. Ask anyone on that team who the most important piece was, and they’ll tell you it was Kobe. On a team full of talent, stacked with first ballot Hall of Famers, including LeBron James, it was Kobe Bryant who turned the tide. His ethic, his mentality, changed the entire dynamic of that team. He made those guys better. Imagine how dynamic of a presence you have to have, in order to make guys like James, Anthony, Wade, Williams, Kidd, Irving, and Bosh, better. These cats are already giants in the league, superstars unto themselves, but Kobe’s leadership and work ethnic naturally made them better. His presence pushed those guys to an entirely different level, lessons they carried forth into the rest of their careers. LeBron James directly benefited from playing alongside Kobe Bryant. No one can say that about LeBron James. Quite the contrary, actually. Every talent peer LeBron has played with, outside of Kyrie Irving (probably because he had that Kobe in him), has had their game severely hampered. In order to win with LeBron, you have to defer to LeBron. If you don’t, you’re either shipped out or your game suffer severely. I mentioned the double-double Machine Kevin Love was right before he got traded to Cleveland? Yeah, alongside LeBron, he was a spot-up shooter. Love is a Power Forward by nature but couldn’t bang down low like he’s used to because that’s the space Bron works. King James can’t shoot like Kobe so he drives a lot. You can’t drive when you have a body in the key, eating up rebounds. Wade had to become a facilitator TO LeBron in order to make the Heatles work and Bosh contributed less to those runs than Ray Allen. Dude was THE Raptor after Vince left. On the Heatles, he was kind of just a body. I’m watching it happen to Anthony Davis as we speak, which is absolutely devastating because he’s my favorite active player. Cats talked about AD being the best PF to ever play the game, strictly based on his potential. Now, the chorus of NBA talking heads are out here chanting about his fall. Why? Because LeBron exists. LeBron James is just Russell Westbrook with better PR. They have the exact same issues which hinder teams. The only difference is that LeBron has been the face of the NBA since he was a teenager and Russ drove KD out of OKC. LeBron makes his teammates worse just by the nature of how he plays. Kobe made them better with how he prepares and leads. The former  facilitates egregious stats and superficial arguments of greatness. People who don’t understand the mettle of a champion will point to those longevity achievements in Bron’s body of work as proof he’s the best. Those who know basketball, who have played the game and understand the intangibles, will point to Bryant as their GOAT because of his impact on the game, overall. Statistically, LeBron is superior to Bryant in almost every way, outside of tiles. Ask this next generation of players who their GOAT is, and they don’t say LeBron, they say Kobe. Because the Mamba is one of, if not THE best, to play this game.

For me, as a fan, both Bryant and Bron are on my Rushmore. In order, I have Jordan first, Magic second (Magic Johnson is my all-time favorite NBA player), Kobe and Bron in a A-B situation. That’s my personal ranking, mostly because I watched Kobe play. I watched Kobe win. I am familiar with his work and how he got to that point. Listening to that man talk about the game, the way he saw basketball, is absolutely fascinating. His show, Detail, is a perfect example of what I’m talking about. You don’t get that same energy from Bron. He doesn’t have that tenacity or understanding. Few do. Mike did. Magic did. Bron doesn’t. If he did, his teams would be better in execution than all of the other cats I mentioned on this list, but they’re not. Only on paper. As a student of the game, that order shifts dramatically. I’d put Mike, first, then LeBron, Cap, and Magic. The difference? Kobe isn’t a freak of nature by any means. He is the median Shooting Guard, the generalization for that position. Mike is Mike. LeBron is LeBron. Cap developed the Skyhook and played into his eighties. Magic is THE best Point God to ever play the game of basketball. These four gentlemen are the archetypes for the BEST version of those positions, all-time. Everything Kobe had, he earned. He learned. Practice, preparation, attention to detail. Kobe is no one’s holotype for the Two, and yet, he is, arguably, the best to ever play that position. Arguably because I’d still put Jordan over him, personally, but I wouldn’t fight you if you slid Bean in that top spot.

#NBA Rant #some ol' bullsh*t #Kobe Bryant #Black Mamba #Mamba Mentality #LeBron James