ayenah-ayenah - Tumblr blog

ayenah-ayenah · 12 days

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I am so angry and I am keeping it to myself as best as I could.

I have been explaining and I have been trying to communicate and nobody is listening.

I am frustrated and I am so close to bursting. And I am holding back so much. And I am not telling anyone. I am not making it anyone else's problem.

And I feel so alone.

And I am so angry.

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ayenah-ayenah · 24 days

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"Go to sleep," she says, comforting me after I had cried out of frustration, "Don't stay up too late."

BITCH??? YOU'RE!!! THE BEST THING THat happened to me. I will fall into eternal slumber for you.

#bff #bsf #i love my best friend #besties #you're literally the best person to exist so stfu #best friends #soulmates #i really want this friendship to last for so long #i wish nothing changes #aroace #aromantic #asexual #lgbtqia #lgbtq #lgbtq+#im tagged that coz I'm queer and aroace #idk i just wanted to explain lol

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ayenah-ayenah · 26 days

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I wish my problems could just manifest into this ugly ass monster that I can kill. Like, bro, I don't wanna sit down and talk and make realizations and resolve and accept shit with a heavy heart. No. I don't want to feel pain in my chest. I just want to stab the monster and go on with life as if it never existed.

#i want to stab

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ayenah-ayenah · 30 days

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Look at the vees

It always bothered me how vox' color seems out of theme. Red, white and pink for val and vel, they even have hearts on their outfits.

Then there's vox.

Blue.

Ofc, hes got some red, but he's mostly blue.

So, idk, to me, vox just doesn't look like his outfit fits in with the group.

Okay, now look at this.

Horizontally striped long coats with stupid bow ties.

Idk, it just feels like they're on uniform to me.

I'm not good with concluding anything hahaha this is just me saying that this picture

matters.

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ayenah-ayenah · 1 month

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hi

Hello

#asks #ask #hello #idk what else to tag

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ayenah-ayenah · 2 months

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I meet her during occasions where she needs a friend who is not a part of the friend group she has in college. And I think I didn't understand that before.

Every time I was with her, she seemed really happy and excited to see me. And, because of that, I started to feel the same way. I started to think of her as a very close and dear friend.

Recently, I found out she isn't as thrilled to be with me when her other friends are around. I kept ignoring that since compared to her other friends, I really am not as close to her as others, and I understood that. But, I don't think it ever dawned on me that I'm not her best friend.

Sometimes, I forget how deeply I am capable of viewing friendships as, especially as an aroace.

I'm still at the process of realization that my platonic love for her is not fully requited, and I really, really, really don't know how to feel.

I've gone through this before, too, a few times. I don't understand how I keep getting myself in this situation hahahah

#aroace #aroace experience #aromantic #asexual #friendships #one sided friendship #friends #friend #bsf #best friends #unrequited feelings #unrequited friendship

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ayenah-ayenah · 2 months

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one sided friendship

#one sided friendship

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ayenah-ayenah · 2 months

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Hazbin Hotel theory!!!!

Okay, hello.

I have nothing to back this up (like, at all) other than "if u pronounce 'vee' backwards it's 'eev' or 'eve' lmao"

But, yes. My theory is that Velvette is Eve.

I do not accept criticisms. pretend you agree with me and just support this theory, because I cannot support it myself.

BUT IN THE VERY OFF CHANCE THAT I AM CORRECT, THEN LET THIS BE PROOF THAT I AM A SORCERER AND A PROPHET!

I REIGN SUPREME.

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ayenah-ayenah · 4 months

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Idk if this was answered b4, or i missed something, but I'm asking anyway:

So, we know that there are different glyph patterns for each titan, that was revealed in the end when King showed his own glyphs.

Well, I noticed that in that episode where luz, hooty, & king went to titan trapper island[s2ep17], which was established to have been an entirely different titan from the boiling isles, luz used glyph magic...

(i refuse to get better or more pics, rewatch the episode, i know u wanna)

How?

Shouldn't her glyphs not work since they're not in the boiling isles?

#the owl house #toh #question #lumity #the owl lady #the owl house season 2 #toh season two #toh season 2 #toh fandom #the owl house fandom #raeda #toh lumity #toh luz #toh flapjack #disney the owl house #the owl house hooty #toh hooty #i need answers

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ayenah-ayenah · 5 months

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Saying, "thank you",

Smiling,

Returning them,

And being all polite when getting compliments.

Then, overthinking.

Because the compliments aren't personal.

You respond only to not make them uncomfortable for saying something to you.

You don't know yourself that well, and you're so, so, so sure that neither do they know you. But that's too long, and complicated to say.

So, you settle with, "thank you".

This is a rant hahaha

Someone I know keeps giving backhanded comments about me not shying away from compliments like she does.

The truth is, I used to never believe a single good thing others say to me. But, I grew into accepting that sometimes,

people say things and it's not that deep.

So, even if I don't feel like the compliment fits me, I just say thank you. Because, it's not just about me. The one who talked to me deserves a polite exchange for their genuine and kind expression.

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ayenah-ayenah · 5 months

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damn ok lake superior

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ayenah-ayenah · 5 months

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100% agree with you on the cured mutes in s3 of Kipo. That is why I headcannon they are still working on helping them post time skip. Takes seven years but they succeed although each one affected suffers from a sort of amnesia.

❤️ ❤️ ❤️

#netflix kipo #kipo dreamworks #kipo and the age of wonderbeasts #kipo oak #kipo netflix #netflix #animation

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ayenah-ayenah · 5 months

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All I do

is hide

you in

my writings

while I

fantasize

about

running my

fingertips

through

your hair.

I wish I never heard her explain how beautiful your hands were, and how much bigger they were compared to hers.

I wish I was dumb enough to never understand that she was implying you held her hands...

I wish she'd shut up about you.

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ayenah-ayenah · 5 months

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Sometimes, I want to disappear for just a little.

I want to delete my social media accounts.

My other friends do it. They have the luxury of deleting, then creating new ones.

But, I can't do that. I feel incapable.

The things I shared, the posts I made, everything— I want it all gone.

But, I will never delete them, not willingly. Ever.

Because she's my fb friend, and my mutual follow on insta.

Five years later, and this is all I have left of us.

The me, six years ago, would never be ready to hear how I failed her.

And, I have been trying to be kinder to myself, especially to my young selves.

But, everyday, I can't help but regret the person I was for losing her.

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ayenah-ayenah · 6 months

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They really are whim prone 😭

the worst piece of canon lore we've been given this season is that stede got his ear pierced by a stranger on impulse during his celebrations on the republic of pirates

all of the theories about him or ed or izzy doing it. all the fanart and writing and posts that have been curated. all proven false. it wasn't an act of love. it wasn't romantic. it wasn't even important. he did it to fit the role he always wanted to, to "look" like a pirate.

because he acted on a whim.

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ayenah-ayenah · 6 months

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Spoiler!!!

Okay, so, they broke up again, yes very sad.

BUT THE "im a fisherman now" IS SO FREAKING SUDDEN LIKE... WHA—? OKAY???

"fisherman and pirates have nothing in common" WHOA???

I'm sorry, I couldn't take the break up seriously bc I laughed at that.

#ofmd #ofmd s2 #ofmd spoilers #ofmd season 2 #ofmd season two #stede bonnet #ed x stede #black bonnet #blackbonnet #our flag means death #our flag means gay #our flag means death 2

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ayenah-ayenah · 7 months

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There's this thing that people do. That thing where they make small talk. "Are you okay?"

And you shouldn't tell them, "No," it should be, "I'm okay," otherwise it would either reveal they don't fucking care or you end up worse than before.

Or maybe it's the opening up that I hate. And, maybe it's every single one of their reaction.

However it goes, I always end up saying, "I'm sorry."

I'm sorry, this isn't making me feel any better.

I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well, it's not you.

I'm sorry, I'm just not good at opening up.

I'm sorry, you can't fix me.

I hate it.

I don't want to comfort you.

I'm the one who's hurt.

I don't want to have to comfort you instead.

So, I just don't tell others about my problems; my real problems. Because, they can't fix anything, and talking about it ends the conversation in undesirable ways.

I know bottling up emotions, or keeping problems to oneself isn't good, but I literally see no other way.

#thoughts #life #feelings #midnights #midnight thoughts #rant #realizations #emotions

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