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sortofanobsession · 1 year

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Bright lights and futures (Ted Lasso Fic) RoyJamie Time travel AU

A/N: This came to existence because of this comment thread on Ao3.

Summary: Based on the request: can you also do a ted lasso season 1 one where the team and the coachs react to jamie and roys future please. so have that its time travel but they cant interact with the future they can only listen and watch them so so the future cant see them

Time travel AU

Ao3

Ted Lasso Masterlist

Paring: Roy x Jamie (Romantic), Jamie x Ted (platonic), Roy x Ted (platonic), Keeley x Jamie (platonic, formerly romantic), Roy x Colin Hughes (platonic)

Content warning: Cursing/Swearing, Mentions of abuse, Mentions of physical violence, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Childhood trauma, repression

Jamie had met up with a few Man City players that were in town for the night. A few of them were less than sober by the time they ended up in a curios shop. Jamie was looking at this weird little gadget that had a glowing rock in it. He thought it looked awesome but didn't let the others know because they thought it was stupid. He agreed it was just some overpriced bauble. But as had been the theme of the night, one of the other players challenges him to buy it. And Jamie wasn't one to back down from a challenge. So he ended up buying the stupid thing. He ended up tossing it in his bag in his car before heading back out with them.

The next morning he was almost late for training.

"What the fuck is in your bag?" Roy asked as he passed by Jamie's open bag on the bench, a slight glow coming from inside it.

Jamie laughed a bit as he adjusted his shin guards after lacing his boots. "Forgot that was in there," Jamie says, picking it up. "Some bauble from a shop one of the lads made me buy after drinks."

"Pretty fucking stupid to get pissed when you have training in the morning," Roy says.

"Didn't know I had a curfew, granddad," Jamie says in his usual snarky tone. "It kinda looks cool. No idea what makes it glow." He offers it to Roy to look at. "Thought a fossil like you would appreciate a rock."

"Looks fucking weird," Roy reaches out to take it, and the thing starts making and odd noise and emitting a bright light when they both have a hold of it. A blinding flash of light stuns them both for a few seconds.

"Fucking hell," Roy groans as he rubs at his eyes. "Are you taking the piss with that fucking thing, Tartt?" Roy growls. "Because if this isn't a fucking joke..."

"What the fuck?" Jamie says when he looks around the locker room. They were stunned for a few seconds but things were very different. His bag is not where it had been, and the glowing bauble was gone. "What the fuck?" Jamie repeats.

Roy just grunts and looks around. "Fucking mental," he says when he notices his cubby has a different name and he is nowhere to be found. It was so similar but different.

"Oi, Kent," Jamie says, calling him over to look at a newspaper on Ted's desk. "This is a fucking joke, yeah?" The paper says it's two years later than the one Roy had seen tossed on the desk before. This was insane. It was literally impossible for that to be right.

They go looking for the others and find they are in the middle of a fucking match, and they are watching themselves but not exactly. Roy is on the sidelines dealing with players, one of which is a longer-haired Jamie.

"Fucking unreal," Roy says. "What sort of fucking uncanny, wonderland bullshit did you fucking get us into?"

"More like Doctor Who," Jamie points out. Roy glares at him. Jamie looks back out to the pitch, the match well underway by the time on the scoreboard.

"I look fucking fit," Jamie grins.

"Of course, that's what you fucking notice," Roy says.

"Well, what else am I supposed to notice? That whatever or whenever this is, this you admitted he's clearly too old to play."

"Fuck off, Tartt," Roy glares at him before looking at the way the other version of Jamie plays. Roy would probably never admit it out loud, but this Jamie played just as well, if not better, than the usual prick. Roy grins when he notices the positioning. "Looks like you're not the same striker here. Practically a midfielder."

"At least I'm still in the fucking game, old man."

Roy laughs at the petulant tone and insult. Fucking Jamie Tartt. They watch until half, and when no one even looks at them, they wonder for like the hundredth time what the fuck was happening. No one has noticed them. No one has even looked at them. Anyone that looks their way seems to be looking through them. Jamie goes over and waves a hand in front of Will's face. No reaction.

"Oi, Will!" Jamie shouts in the kitman's face.

"Fucking hell, Tartt, haven't you harassed enough kitmen for one lifetime?" Roy grunts.

"I was testing a- what do you call it? That is a word that is like hypno-. That's not it. Like a theory but-"

"Hypothesis," Roy says. "And theory would have been fine. A theory is a confirmed hypothesis. But most people wouldn't have corrected you."

"Oh, you a scientist now, old man?" Jamie smirks.

"You're the one testing hypotheses, you prick. My 6-year-old niece can grasp these concepts. I'm sure your tiny brain can handle it."

"Fucking rude," Jamie mutters and focuses back on watching what is happening.

They are even more confused when they find alternate versions of themselves talking to each other as they leave the pitch.

Long after they win and most of the team has headed out. Jamie can't believe it when the other version of him knocks on the door of the gaffer's office and asks Roy if he's ready. The idea of either of them waiting for the other seems insane. And from the shock he sees on his Roy's face he must agree. But he isn't really his Roy. Just his teammate. His rival, Roy. Jamie wants to slap the alternate version of himself as he openly smiles and ogles this other version of Roy as he puts on his jacket. They were supposed to be over that. The version of Roy Kent he had looked up to as a kid didn't exist. The real Roy Kent was a fucking prick. Hated his guts. Never really gave Jamie a chance, just assumed the Jamie he saw in the press was the real Jamie. So Jamie leaned into it. Embraced the prick his dad had always told him to be. All hard edges, distance, and ego. And fuck, it was exhausting, but he was good at it. The quiet of the office was not awkward or filled with tension.

Roy noticed how at ease this bizarre version of Jamie was, how he seemed to have actual friends on the team, not followers. That he actually noticed things about them. Contributed to conversations not about himself. And that had thrown Roy off. Especially the way he and Sam seemed close. Like Jamie cared about Sam and vice versa. This Jamie actually seemed to care a lot. And that made Roy wonder what made this Jamie so relaxed and at home in Richmond. The more he watched this unusual Jamie, the more he wondered if this Jamie could exist beneath the fucking bullshit Jamie Tartt usually presented himself to be. And then Roy is watching the other version of himself look at the other Jamie with a fond familiarity that was almost painful to watch. He hadn't missed the way the team had looked up to this Roy as a coach. Being captain was one thing, but being a coach. That meant something.

But what froze Roy on the spot was watching the other version of himself throw his arm over Jamie's shoulder, and that version of Jamie leaned into him with a fucking smile. Not a smirk or a grin, a genuine smile as they headed to the car park. More shocked when they got into the same car. And Roy is pretty sure his Jamie, not that he fucking owned him or shit, his brain short circuits when once inside the future versions of them fucking kiss.

"Fucking nightmare," he grumbles when at the flat. Somehow they can never get far beyond where the future versions are before whatever the forces and light is that keeps them there corrects them. They are apparently meant to be seeing something and won't be going anywhere else until whatever is happening, happens.

"If these are your nightmares, Kent, I would fucking pay to see your dreams."The future versions kiss again in the privacy of the flat.

"Fuck you, Tartt," he grunts.

"Looks like this you might, like damn Roy, didn't know you had it in you." Jamie laughs when Roy growls at him. And fuck, that sound combined with the fact this future version of them were a thing. It was almost too much for Jamie. It was like watching some toned-down version of his teenage self's fantasy.

"You're enjoying whatever the fuck this is, aren't you, you little prick?" Roy glares.

"Fuck yeah," Jamie smirks. "If only because it is pissing you off, granddad."

"Fucking hell," Roy groans. He is glad when this new Jamie goes off to watch TV or something while Roy heads to the kitchen. It's not a place Roy recognized, so it must be Jamie's place, but this Roy knows his way around. He clearly knows where everything is. He wonders how much time he had spent there. He goes through the familiar motions of making tea, and then the Jamie that lives here joins him. Getting the rest of what they, Roy could only assume, usually have with tea. He watches as this version of himself just shakes his head as Jamie gathers snacks.

"Why do this domestic shit? The team always goes out after a win?" Jamie asks as the scene before them plays out.

"For what? Pull in some random girl for one night when clearly you have someone at home?" Roy asks, genuinely curious. From what he could tell, Jamie was a bit shit as a partner to Keeley, but the shit he was watching unfold now. That was some domestic, happy couple shit. And Roy did not know how to feel about that. Everything shifts, and there is another flash of light.

When their eyes adjust, Jamie stares. He knew this place. "Fuck me," he says.

Roy looks over at Jamie when he says it. And after what they had already seen, Roy's knee-jerk reaction is, "Fuck no." And he says it. But Roy is watching Jamie, not future Jamie but his Jamie now. And Jamie looks like he is genuinely excited.

"The fuck are we?" Roy asks.

"Amsterdam," Jamie answers.

"The fuck are you so happy about, Tartt?"

"Because why not? Live a little, you old twat," Jamie says with a glare as he watches himself jog around the city, spouting facts off to Roy, who just sort of fondly takes it all in.

Roy still couldn't get over the fact that this version of himself was not only tolerating Jamie but fucking dating him. Like the team clearly knew it. The staff did. Did the public? Oh, that was fucking terrifying to think about. No one did that in the leagues they played in. No one. Some players fucked around in private, but no one ever had serious relationships. No one ever told their teammates. Both Roy and Jamie are surprised at how long it takes future Roy to actually get annoyed at future Jamie’s tour of the city. The exhausted version of Roy asks Jamie how he knows so much about Amsterdam. And Jamie from the past sighs as future Jamie tells Roy a bit about his past trips there.

Both Roys seem annoyed when Jamie insists on bikes. Both Jamies are shocked that Roy doesn’t know how to ride a bike. Their reactions differ. Past Roy didn’t like having something so personal exposed. Future Roy was a bit pissed when Jamie and the man laughed, but he gets it. He could admit it was a stupid thing that was counterproductive to honoring his grandfather’s memory. Past Jamie thought it was absolutely hilarious, but part of him hurt that Roy had missed that bit of normal childhood and how much Roy not being there for his granddad affected him. Future Jamie, well, he wasn’t about to just let that go.

The time travelers watched in amusement as Jamie teaches a frustrated Roy to ride a bike. No matter how frustrated and angry Roy gets, neither gives up. And future Jamie is so proud when Roy finally gets it. Then they go looking for windmills. Roy is even more shocked when the future duo seems to have a heart-to-heart as they go.

A heart-to-heart that changes the way the time-traveling Roy views Jamie Tartt. He looks at the more relaxed Jamie, that was telling the future version of Roy about how his dad had treated him in Amsterdam. Roy was horrified. The other version of himself seemed to be handling it much better. Telling him how fucked up it was, but otherwise, just making sure Jamie was okay. Not making a big deal out of it like swapping trauma stories was their norm. And it might be if they are actually dating. And based on the way Roy let Jamie lean into his personal space. They really didn't care who saw it. But the past Jamie wouldn't look at Roy. Watching the alternate versions of themselves are forgotten when Roy goes over and grabs Jamie's shoulder. "Fucking look at me," Roy says. And Jamie does. And he looks broken. "Does your old man still treat you like shit?"

"Why do you care?"

"Not a fucking answer, Jamie." And Jamie doesn't know how to explain Roy just using his actual name makes him feel a bit better. Or maybe it's the fact Roy still has a grip on his shoulders, and it for once isn't to fight him. "Jamie."

"He hasn't changed," Jamie says, looking away.

"What else has he done?" Roy growls.

"Why do you-"

"Because you're on my fucking team, now answer the-"

"What do you think?!" Jamie snaps, pulling away. "So the reason you tense up when anyone approaches you is your dad? The reason you're a defensive prick is because of your dad? You always look like you're expecting a punch isn't just because you are a prick and get into fights because of it, it's-"

"My dad," Jamie finishes.

"So if you get sent back to Man City…" Roy doesn't finish connecting the dots out loud. And fuck, he hates the dots he connected in his head.

Roy growls, which makes Jamie wince, and he feels instantly guilty. "Fuck!" Roy shouts but more at himself than Jamie. He groans when Jamie flinches again. And Roy understands why his other self might feel something for Jamie. Jamie looks so much more fragile than the selfish prick he is used to. He looks like a wounded animal, and Roy goes over and hugs him. Jamie braces like Roy is going to hit him, but he relaxes when he realizes it's just a hug. He is confused, but he'll accept it.

"You're going to tell Ted, aren't you?" Jamie asks, but it's mumbled in Roy's shoulder.

"Of fucking course," Roy says. "Fucking kill the fucking twat if I see him."

"My dad?" Jamie just keeps getting surprised by Roy's reaction.

"Some fucking dad," Roy grumbles. "My dad was a prick. Yours is a fucking monster. So why not?"

And Jamie doesn't know how to answer that. The idea of Roy fucking Kent protecting him from his dad was a fantasy he'd long given up on. Back when Roy was just a poster on his wall and a player, he watched on a small screen. But now there in some weird future versions of Amsterdam, Roy hugging him. But the bright light returns, and they are somewhere new. Somewhere Jamie has never been.

Jamie tries not to laugh as future Roy sits at a table with his sister and his niece.

"The fuck is this?" His amusement clear in his tone.

Roy grumbles. "Uncle's day."

"Uncle's Day? Your niece celebrates Uncle's Day. That is fucking adorable. Love the hat," Jamie grins.

"Fuck you and say anything about them, and I will-"

They are cut off as Phoebe goes to get the door, and future Jamie comes in.

"That's National team-"

"It is," Roy says with amusement. "Guess I'm a fucking world-class coach."

"I make the team, and you gloat," Jamie huffs. "But fair point, never made it before that."

Jamie laughs at the way both future versions insist they aren't best friends but Roy's sister gives him a knowing look.

"Your boyfriend's not your best friend?" Phoebe asks. And shit, hearing it put so blunt is a lot to process. "Who is?"

"Probably Isaac," Jamie says, and even past Roy rolls his eyes.

"Fuck off," future Roy says. And yeah, they all find that hard to believe. When future Roy opens Jamie's gift, and Jamie explains it, it hits Roy like a fucking brick. Future Roy, of course, fucking loves it. And Roy doesn't miss the way either Jamie reacts to that. The fact that Roy praised him meant more than anything. Roy looked at his Jamie, and even he seemed proud. And that hit Roy again. Jamie just needed someone to tell him he is good and fucking mean it. Most people told him he was good and had something to gain from it. Something they wanted from him. And the fact Jamie knows he's good, and brags about it does turn people off, but no one ever tells Jamie he did well without ulterior motives. Roy grins when Phoebe demands Jamie pay for making her think a bad word. And Jamie hands over the coin.

"Looks like this Jamie came prepared," Roy says.

"And I'm sure has zero regrets," Jamie grins because the other version of himself was clearly having fun. And Phoebe probably had both of them wrapped around her finger. Jamie laughed when Roy opened the colorful tie-dye shirt. Roy glares at him. Future Jamie ended up having to give another coin to Phoebe, and Jamie laughed harder.

When Phoebe and her mum go to prepare for their performance, the future Roy looks at Jamie's gift again.

"Figured you'd like it, but won't lie, think I look forward to Phoebe's gift more. That is going to be-" that Jamie is cut off by his Roy pulling Jamie into his lap and kissing him.

"Fucking love it and you," future Roy says, and both the time travelers gape in shock at the fact Roy Kent just admitted his feelings, unprompted and with ease. And feeling for Jamie Tartt, no less. Jamie kisses him this time.

"Fucking love you too. You're coming to the match, so you needed something."

"No one is going to bat an eye at a coach supporting his player by wearing his number," Roy points out. "But I will fucking wear this all the time, but rather not get booted from your first international matches. Especially since the last match at Wembley was a fucking disaster."

"I got to punch my dad, and you gave me a hug."

"He shows up again, and I'll punch him for you this time," Roy says. "And I'm still wearing your number, so fuck off."

They look up when Roy's sister clears her throat, and Phoebe giggles. Jamie goes to move back to his chair, but Phoebe tells him he can probably see better from there, and that makes future Jamie blush. And the time travelers seriously cannot believe what just happened. Neither says anything. Neither can look at the other. Because Jamie doesn't want Roy to see how much he envies this future version of Jamie. To have Roy's attention and affection is something Jamie dreamed of as a kid. To have Roy fight his dad for Jamie was a big fucking deal to Jamie. And the idea that anyone loves Jamie enough to actually say it makes Jamie want to cry. Because he fucked it all up with Keeley. He always fucks it up.

Roy doesn't want Jamie to see how much seeing a version of Jamie be so open and happy to be with Roy was almost overwhelming. If this Jamie could be this good and sweet, maybe that's really who Jamie is. And that means he has been so fucking wrong about Jamie, and that is not something Roy is okay with. He owes Jamie an apology.

The light doesn't get any less unsettling as they get transported back to the future version of the locker room but not for long, as the Roy that was there calls Jamie into the Boot Room. The time travelers keep looking between future Roy and Jamie as things get strange. Future Roy had clearly intended to give Jamie a pep talk. He hadn't expected Jamie to get antsy and upset.

Past Jamie looks at his Roy when the other version of Roy asks if Jamie is fucking dying or some shit. Past Roy just gestures to how erratic future Jamie is being. When the upset Jamie starts telling his coach and partner how he feels, even time traveling Roy feels bad.

Without hesitation, that Roy pulled his upset partner into his arms to comfort him. He does his best and calms the sobbing Jamie, but it isn’t enough to get Jamie back to his usual self.

Roy can understand how upsetting seeing Jamie so out of sorts before a Man City game in Manchester would be. Future Roy loved his Jamie. Seeing him off his game must hurt. But he had to focus on the Jamie he could help. The fact he actually wanted to help Jamie was increasingly easier to accept the more they saw of this future. Seeing Jamie watch himself distressed was confusing and difficult, but he wanted to help him.

And despite all the shit they have been through in their own time. Roy looks at Jamie. "Tartt, I'm here, yeah? Don't forget that."

And Jamie is surprised by how sincere Roy sounds. He nods but doesn't say anything.

"No…" Jamie says when he realizes where they are.

"What? Where are we?" Roy asks as he moves closer to Jamie.

"My Mum's," Jamie says. "Haven't seen her since I got called up."

They both watched silently as Jamie's stepdad welcomes in the future versions of Jamie, Roy, and Keeley. And Roy can't help but notice how nice Jamie's stepdad is. And seeing Jamie with his mum was like watching another version of Jamie together. Roy could understand how shocking the future Roy seemed to be. And thankfully, Keeley was there to keep him in line. Jamie wants to stay with his future self and his mum. Roy can't resist seeing Jamie's room. And yeah, Future Roy is spot on with his take on Jamie's room. Jamie had told him he had a poster from his days in Chelsea. And he was shocked by Keeley's reaction to Jamie's poster of her. Roy obviously knew they dated, but that was surprising. Roy also was shocked at how Keeley and his future self interacted. As they both cared deeply for Jamie and each other and that was a lot to process. He likes Keeley, she was a good friend, but clearly, there was more to it. But he didn't like leaving his Jamie alone after not seeing his mum for so long. So he went back downstairs. He was surprised to see his Jamie sitting on the steps.

"Too much?" Roy asks. Jamie nods. Roy sits down next to him. He can tell Jamie is holding back tears.

"I just don't understand why this is happening," Jamie says.

"I wish I had the answer, but I don't," Roy says. "But I've got you." Roy puts an arm around Jamie's shoulder, and without hesitation, Jamie leans in.

Bright light hits them again, only this time it’s a lot more painful.

"Are you guys okay?" Dani Rojas is standing over him. Jamie is confused because he is on the floor. Dani helps him sit up. He looks over to see Roy sit up with Sam's help and rub his head.

"What the fuck?" Roy says, looking over at Jamie before the med team is looking them over and telling them to take the day off. Ted insisted they go home.

But they aren't actually allowed to drive. Ted tells someone to get them a car. They both change out of their kits. Roy sits on the bench looking at the no longer glowing time travel bauble.

"Did what I think happen, actually happen?" Jamie says as he sits down beside him. "What do you remember?"

"A fucking lot," Roy says. "What do you remember?"

"I taught you to ride a bike in Amsterdam for your grandad, and you probably owe your niece a lot of money," Jamie says.

"So that shit with your old man, that's real?" Roy looks at Jamie. And Jamie's instinct is to lie, but Roy looks genuinely worried about him, and Jamie just can't lie to him. Jamie nods.

"Okay then," Roy says. They head out to the waiting car. Jamie is curious when it's just one.

"It's possible head trauma, my sister would kill me if I left you alone, and you died when I know the actual risks."

"Okay," Jamie doesn't argue because his head hurts and he is tired. Roy is probably feeling the same way, and Roy is going to stay with him, and he is oddly okay with it. "Fucking knackered so let's go." They get on, and both end up going to Jamie's flat. And that was probably a bad idea because of what they had witnessed happen there, but Jamie was tired. Jamie sets his stuff down. And goes into his kitchen.

"Tea?" Jamie asks.

"Sure," Roy says. And Jamie is shocked he didn't just grunts. If Roy was using words, then he probably wanted to talk.

Roy isn't surprised to see everything is in the same spots that he had witnessed Roy's future self use in the kitchen. Roy actually pays attention to where things are, and it catches him off guard because does that mean he genuinely wants that future to happen? Is that even possible now that they know parts of it? Doesn't that automatically change things? Roy rubs at his temples and grunts. Jamie slides a bottle of paracetamol to him.

"Stupid uncanny, wonderland bullshit apparently gives you a fucking headache," Jamie says.

And Roy huffs a laugh. "Fucking does."

"All because my prick teammate from Man City challenged me to buy a glowing rock."

"Jamie…" Roy starts, but Jamie turns away when the electric kettle clicks off.

"I'm sorry you got caught up in that," Jamie says as he prepares two mugs of tea.

"I'm not," Roy says without hesitation, and Jamie stops and looks at him. "The headache is shit, but do you think we would be sitting here having a civil conversation if it didn't happen? No, we'd be at training pushing each other's buttons until we end up in a fight. Or just being pricks. And now I feel like shit because I know-"

"Don't," Jamie says. "Don't tell me you feel guilty. You don't need to. Because I push your buttons on purpose, you know that, right? Because I was raised that attention and glory is all that matters. And I wanted your attention, good or bad, so I picked fights. That is not the same thing as my dad throwing shit at me for missing a goal or backhanding me because I didn't do exactly what he wanted me to do but never actually told me to do. You are not like him. You might be a prick now and again for seemingly no reason, but I'm what did you call me, prince of all pricks? Yeah. I earned that title. You have never come after me without me being a fucking prick first. I did Sam wrong, and you called me on it. I told Isaac and Colin to fuck with Nate after you told me to stop. Because attention is attention, and I was mad that you felt like you could tell me what to do. But the thing is, you can. You're the captain. And if you get to feel shitty about that, then I am so fucking sorry about the granddad thing. You never got to say goodbye to your granddad, and it left a fucking mark. And I kept-"

"Oh fuck off," Roy rolls his eyes. "I can handle the word."

“So, want me to teach you to ride a bike?” Jamie asks, a hopeful look on his face.

“Fucking hell,” Roy grunts.

“Come on, you’ve used a stationary bike, so you get the idea. You just need the balance. It’s a useful skill to have in this city, and well, you won't have to admit to anyone else that-”

“Fine, but not today. My fucking head is killing me.”

“Works for me,” Jamie grins.

The next day at training, Roy walks in, and Ted looks up at him. "I need to fucking talk to you," Roy says.

"Something wrong?" Ted nods.

"Yes," Roy says, and that is a red flag for Ted. It wasn't just a grunt. He closes the door to the office behind them, and it's just the two of them.

"No matter what fucking happens, you cannot let them recall Jamie to Manchester," Roy says.

Ted is confused. "Why would we-"

"Doesn't fucking matter why!" Roy shouts, and Ted stares at him because Roy sounds almost desperate. "He cannot go back to Manchester. He can't go back to his old man."

"Why not? I'm confused. You don't even like Jamie Tartt. Don't want him on your team."

"Because his fucking father beats the shit out of him if he doesn't score a goal or if he doesn't do what he says or-"

"He what?" And Ted is actually upset now. He goes out into the locker room to find Jamie. And Jamie seems to know what is coming when he looks at Roy. And it is like Jamie just deflates. His shoulders drop. The facade of bravado falls. And it makes a few of the other players do a double-take.

"Yes, coach?" Jamie asks despite knowing what he is most likely going to say.

"Is it true?" Ted asks. "About your father?"

Jamie looks over at Roy, who just nods.

"Yeah. He-" Before Jamie even finished saying it. He was being hugged by Ted. And it's like a fucking dam breaks because Jamie realizes he finally has people on his side that he didn't have to spend money to keep around. People that want to protect him. And Jamie fucking cries. The entire locker room goes quiet. Everyone is in shock. Ted ends up half dragging Jamie into the office to talk. Jamie tells him what had happened the day before, what they saw. Even about the game and something they heard future Roy discuss with Ted and Beard before the City match. Ted had called Total Football. The team looks at Roy.

"What just happened?" Colin asks, looking between Roy and the door.

"You see Jamie's dad, James fucking Tartt, anywhere around Richmond, you tell me so his fucking teeth meet the pavement," Roy states.

"Seriously, bruv," Isaac looks at Roy. "What happened?"

"He has spent Jamie's whole fucking like smacking him around and telling him he's worthless. Did fucking unspeakable shit. Fucker should be in jail, but Jamie doesn't want a fucking scandal. So we deal with it in fucking house. You hear me? James fucking Tartt doesn't get anywhere near him."

"You and Jamie best mates now?" Colin asks in shock.

"That a fucking problem, Hughes?"

"What?! No, just that-"

"Just what?" Roy glares at him.

"The other day, you threatened to use his balls as a speed bag and then threatened all of us at the club." Isaac is confused.

"And you headbutted me," Colin says.

"And you fucking deserved it," Roy states. "Things fucking changed. You think I don't feel like a right prick for threatening that shit after finding out his old man treats him like a fucking punching bag? I'm not a fucking monster. Might fucking seem like I have a cold heart, but it's still a fucking heart." Roy storms off.

"What the fuck happened to them yesterday?" One of the players says. They all agree.

"He's right, though," Isaac says. "Jamie might be a prick, but he is still on our team. If his old man is a monster, then we keep him away, yeah?"

They all agree.

"You want me to what?" Rebecca looks at Ted like he is insane.

"Buy out Jamie's Man City contract."

"And why would I do that?"

"Because if they recall him, we either lose both him and Roy Kent because Roy will feel obligated to go and protect Jamie. Or Jamie goes back to a very bad situation at home."

"Why does Roy Kent feel obligated to protect Jamie Tartt of all people? They can't even stand being in the same room."

"Not anymore," Ted says, earning a confused look from his boss. "Roy learned that Jamie's father has been abusing him for years. It's why Jamie didn't mind being loaned to Richmond. He could get distance from his father and be the star of a team like his dad wanted him to be. But it's for the wrong team now, and his dad makes sure he remembers that I guess. It's just a big mess. And if we send Jamie back, we send him right back to the man that goes out of his way to not only tear Jamie down but physically hits him. And I cannot have that on my conscience. Can you?"

Rebecca frowns. Well, that might muck up her plans. She might be a bitch, but is she really that heartless? Jamie could end up dead. And that would be on her hands. But if she wants to get back at Rupert, Jamie Tartt and Roy Kent being buddies could be a problem.

"I'm sure that won't happen. Pep Guardiola wouldn't risk his players like that. Once he is made aware of the situation-"

"How is Pep supposed to protect him when he isn't at the club? What happens when Jamie's father finds out he's blacklisted from matches and his meal ticket cut off? He shouts and hits Jamie if he misses a goal. You really think he is going to just let that go?"

"Jamie is an adult and is allowed to decide how to go about his life. So is Roy Kent."

"You cannot be serious," Ted says.

"No one is being recalled at the moment," Rebecca states. "You are getting worked up over something that isn't even happening. Go back to work, Ted. Do your job right, and City will have no reason to recall him any time soon."

Ted storms out.

"Fuck," Jamie curses when Ted comes back angry. Jamie looks across the room at Roy.

Roy comes over. He looks at the office where Ted is talking animatedly to Beard and pacing.

"Ted is not happy," Jamie says. "Which mean Ms. Welton-"

"Don't worry about it," Roy says.

"But-"

"You don't have to worry. You don't have to do this alone," Roy says with a sincerity that caught Jamie off guard.

"You going to follow me to Manchester?" Jamie jokes.

"Told Ted I would," Roy states.

"You what?" Jamie looks at him like he's insane. "That's mental. You'd be throwing away-"

"My knee is already fucked. And apparently, I make a decent fucking coach. I'm sure I could-"

Jamie surges forward and kisses Roy. He had seen his future self do it, but now he could understand why he would actually do it. Roy fucking Kent offering to throw away everything he has worked for for Jamie.

The team shouts at them, and Roy just flips them off.

"Don't be fucking stupid," Jamie says. "Your niece needs you. She already has a shit dad that abandoned her. You don't get to leave her for me."

"And what about your shit dad," Roy says.

"Then we make sure Man City has no reason to recall him." They look up to see Ted standing there. He smiles at them. "Look at you two being all cute."

"That a problem?" Roy asks.

"No way, Jose," Ted grins. "Right, fellas?" They look over at the rest of the team. They all agree it's not really a big deal. Colin actually seems off about it, and Roy would have to remember to talk to him.

"Like I said, we'll just have to make sure they have no reason to call him back. So get out there and make sure. To the pitch!" Ted says, and everyone heads out. The team actually congratulates Roy and Jamie on being happy and telling them if anyone gives them shit, even Jamie's dad, they have their backs. And Jamie feels lighter than he has in ages.

Roy pulls Colin aside as they wrap up training for the morning.

"Are we going to have a fucking problem, Hughes?"

"What? No! Why would we-"

"When Ted asked if the team had issues about Jamie and me-"

"Shit," Colin put his hands up like he meant no harm. "I'm sorry, you won't have to worry about anything from me. I just…I didn't think anyone else on the team…" Colin can't bring himself to admit it quite yet, even if he now knows Roy and Jamie could probably understand how he felt.

"Oh," Roy says, relaxing. "So you…” Colin nods. Roy continues, “Huh. Well, you're not alone. If anyone, I mean fucking anyone, gives you shit, let me know. Out or not, no pressure. Didn't exactly plan on it coming out the way it did."

"But that's just a very Jamie Tartt way, yeah?" Colin chuckled.

"Fucking right," Roy agrees.

When they break for lunch, Jamie checks his phone. He has a message from Keeley to call him. So he does.

"Hey Keeley, whats-"

"You kissed Roy Kent!" She shouts.

"Jesus, Keeley, the team might not care, but you can't go fucking shouting it out like that. Could ruin both our careers."

"Yeah, sorry, babe, but what the hell? Last thing I knew, you were toasting his death and picking fights in the locker room."

"We went through something weird yesterday and bonded, I guess."

"Bonded," Keeley mocks. "You kissed him in front of your whole team. That is more than-"

"I told him about my dad," Jamie says. Keeley knows he has a very bad relationship with his dad, but she never asked for details.

"And it's bad enough that Roy Kent is now your number one fan?"

"Something like that," Jamie says.

"Huh," Keeley says and is quiet for a minute.

"Still there?" Jamie asks.

"Yeah," Keeley says. "I don't understand what happened, but if you're happy, that's good."

"Thanks, Keeley. And I'm sorry. You deserved better than the way I treated you."

"That means a lot to me, Jamie. It really does."

Jamie looks up to see Roy looking at him.

"Well, I mean it. Gotta go, Keeley," he says.

"Text me all the juicy details," Keeley says. Jamie laughs but doesn't tell her no. They both say goodbye and hang up.

"Keeley," Jamie says, and when Roy gives him a curious look as they go to grab lunch in the canteen.

Roy frowns, and Jamie has to bite back a grin.

"Someone must have told her that I kissed you because-"

"What?" Roy looks pissed now. Jamie pulls him aside.

"She won't tell anyone. As mad as she ever might be at me, she isn't going to out anyone. Keeley's…well, she gets it. Trust me. She won't tell anyone. And I apologized for being a prick. Then she told me to text her, so I think we're okay now." Jamie grins. He looks at Roy, who still looks unsure. "You trust me, yeah?"

And Roy looks at Jamie like really looks at him. He can tell Jamie isn't joking around anymore.

"Yes, Jamie. I trust you." And Roy knows he said the right thing because Jamie smiles up at him like Roy, indeed, was his hero. Like he means the whole fucking world to him now. And fuck, everything they saw of the future just makes more and more sense. Because Roy doesn't want Jamie to stop looking at him like that. And that is a new and heady feeling for Roy.

"I want to tell you your fucking beautiful, but I know it'll just boost your ego," Roy says in a low tone. And Jamie hadn't expected his body to react the way it did because the combination of Roy fucking Kent being so close to him, his voice low and soft like that, and his fucking words makes Jamie want to drop to his knees in the fucking hallway and choke on Roy Kent's dick. And the thought of that has Jamie's own dick half-hard. Jamie looks around before dragging Roy back and into the boot room. He barely glances around before he kisses Roy.

"You can't just fucking say shit like that in the fucking hallway," Jamie is breathless, his words spoken against Roy's lips.

"Then don't fucking look at me like I fucking hung the moon," Roy says, kissing him again.

"Can't help it, too happy."

Roy growls.

They separate as the door opens, and Will looks at them and walks back out. Jamie laughs, and Roy groans.

"Lunch?"

"Lunch," Roy agrees and follows him out of the room. Jamie sends an apologetic but somehow still smug look at Will. Will nods and hurries into the boot room.

Roy is livid when they find out Jamie is being recalled to Man City. Ted cannot believe it either. They had done everything right, but he had benched Jamie once to try a new technique Jamie and Roy had suggested because they had seen it in the future. And Jamie is oddly calm.

"I'm going with you," Roy insists.

"No, you aren't," Jamie says. "Because the team needs you, Phoebe needs you."

"What about you?" Roy asks.

"Roy," Jamie says in all seriousness.

"Don't fucking 'Roy' me," Roy growls.

"I need you to trust me," Jamie says.

"I do, but this is fucking bullshit," Roy seethes.

"I know," Jamie says. "But I can handle it."

"And what about us?"

"That is why I need you to trust me because I like us. I don't want to end it. But we both have contracts."

"If your old man so much as fucking touches you, I will fucking drive up there and kill him."

"I know you will," Jamie smiles at him.

"I don't want you to go," Roy admits.

"I don't want to go," Jamie assures him. "But give me a chance to sort it out. Pep is a reasonable person. He's isn't Ted, but he'll listen."

"Tell him about your old man."

"No need." They look up to see Ted approach them.

"What?" Jamie looks at him in confusion.

"I talked to Higgins, and he got me in touch with Pep. He stopped the recall."

"He did?" Roy asks.

"At first, he said he'd make sure your father wasn't allowed near Etihad Stadium. I asked him what you were supposed to do when not with the team. You can't just live in the locker room. And Pep may have pull on the pitch and in the building, but he can't protect you out in the rest of Manchester. So until we can come up with a better plan, he agreed you can stay in Richmond. He agrees your safety is what is important." With that, the facade breaks. Jamie was so relieved he actually cries. Roy holds him close as he does.

"Thanks, Coach," Roy says.

"I gave you my word that you didn't have to worry. I meant it. Besides, the team was just starting to get good. Can't just let that go. What kind of coach would I be?"

They both agreed with that.

"Let's go tell the boys," Ted says. Jamie scrubs at his face with his sleeve and gets an eye roll from Roy as he does before Roy more gently dries Jamie's tear-tracked face.

"Aww, you two are too cute," Ted says. Roy growls at him.

"Nope, still cute." Ted heads to the locker room to tell the team Jamie was staying. He'd deal with a pissed off Rebecca later if he had to.

#tw: cursing #tw: swearing #tw: childhood trauma #tw: child abuse #tw: violence #tw: ptsd #tw: post traumatic stress disorder #tw: repression #time travel au #ted lasso fic #jamie tartt #roy kent #royjamie #roy x jamie #jamie x roy #afc richmond #ted lasso #canon divergent au

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maintitle · 8 months

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I watched DS9's It's Only A Paper Moon yesterday, and I want to talk about it because it wasn't until right now that I understood why it slapped me across the face so much, and why I think that episode is so important to me.

This may be triggering to people with disabilities, heart conditions, disabilities from COVID, or medical or military related trauma. Read ahead at your own risk.

I developed a heart condition at 18 from the H1N1 virus (which is why I tell all my friends to take preventive measures if they had COVID, because these kinds of new and unknown viruses can have long-lasting effects on you we don't know yet). While I had a lot of tests and missed a lot of school that year, the effects of that wouldn't be clear for years until at 24 I got a pacemaker/defibrillator put in in what we later found out was a life-saving surgery. The trauma of that event took a long time to catch up with me. While I'm still facing symptoms and limitations from that period of my life, the immediate danger has passed. But it took A LONG time for the fear of what happened to me, the PTSD of that event, to catch up with me. I've dealt with huge panic attacks and hyper-obsessive fears regarding my heart since around twenty-nine, fears I live with and fight through in therapy to this day.

As someone facing those issues, I hooked onto A Paper Moon this watch in a way I haven't before. The issue deals with the loss of Nog's leg in battle earlier in the season, a traumatic experience he had in the middle of a warzone only halfway through their defense. During his recovery, Julian begins to play recordings of I'll Be Seeing You, put together by Vic Fontaine, a semi-aware holodeck program that is really popular on DS9.

Nog returns from surgery at the beginning of the episode, and is walking with a cane. Multiple people on staff, including Julian himself, is concerned over the use of the cane because medically, he shouldn't have a need for it. He shouldn't even be in pain based off of what they know from the new leg and the nerves around it, but he's in pain and having trouble walking. A lot of the arguments in the early episode revolve around people talking behind Nog's back about how they can't understand why he has the cane or why he's in pain when there doesn't appear to be a medical reason for it.

The answer is actually incredibly simple: It's not the leg, it's the trauma from loosing the leg. Nog, who is still incredibly young in the episode, had somehow seen himself as invincible, a young cadet wanting to prove Ferengi can be incredible members of Starfleet, who had seen quite a bit of action and was cocksure, and in one moment he not only lost that bravado, but he also learned he was mortal in one horrifying singular moment.

Obviously, Nog is lucky enough to live in an era where it's possible to replace a lost limb, but that doesn't change the fact that for a horrifying unmentioned, maybe SEVERAL DAY period of time, he was left on a makeshift bed, listening to fighting outside, knowing that he could be attacked at any time, could die at any time from factors not even exterior to him. And now he just has to... go back to life after that horrifying dose of his own mortality.

The only thing that gets him by is that recording of I'll Be Seeing You by Vic Fontaine, because that's the only thing that he had to take him out of that horrifying situation while he laid on that makeshift gurney. The episode explores that idea by having him play it while trying to sleep, and eventually go to the holodeck and try to live in it with Vic after he was shamed for being in bed too long and for listening to said music for too long.

The funny thing is, Vic is the ONLY person, INCLUDING THE COUNSELOR ONBOARD DS9, who recognizes that his pain is valid. Vic, as a hologram, recognizes that his pain isn't crazy, it's as real as the injury he experienced, because Vic has a perspective that none of these hyper-worn-down Starfleet Officers or parental figures in his life has: His LIFE is a series of not-real instances of pain, of happiness, of dealing with other people he knows are holograms. Vic isn't like Moriarty in TNG, he's not like other semi-sentient Holodeck programs, he KNOWS he's a program but he also finds that life to be very real FOR HIM. The feelings of one of his bandmates are as real to him as the problems of Julian walking in to talk about one of the many women he simps for not feeling the same, because despite knowing they're not physically real, he CARES for them and takes their lives seriously.

Nog's feelings are real. His PAIN is real, even if a doctor can't understand why. Nog's in the middle of a long, extended panic attack where he's internalizing a near life-ending medical emergency and doesn't know how to DEAL with it. He loses himself in the program because it's the only place he can get past the trauma of the event, he's hostile to others who try and look at him with pity or as a hero because he doesn't want to be DEFINED by that pain. Vic knows this, and builds him up in other ways. Gives him a life to live, watches him slowly not need the cane and not even realize it, gives him tools and an environment to cope and generally is the only person that validates that trauma.

The episode is maybe one of the series best mental health episodes possible, and DS9 is generally REALLY good with these issues. As someone with medical trauma, I saw myself in Nog. I'm sure others who have experienced disabilities in the military see even more of themselves in him. We relate to it because we're constantly belittled or told our pain is in our heads, when the truth is we FEEL it. I feel it multiple times a month, when I lay down and go to bed and lay on my side just right that I can feel my heartbeat, and then I overanalyze it, and then that leads to a panic attack and me grabbing a pressure cuff or a fingertip pulse whatever it is to see if I'm okay, but by then I can't come down from the panic attack until it's done. I feel it when I'm helping someone move or if I'm on a casual walk and I feel my heartbeat spike, and my mind overreacts and wonders if this is normal exertion or a heart attack.

Not FEELS these things. It's real pain. And Vic doesn't invalidate it. It's as real as the injury itself, and it's not one that he'll ever truly conquer. But the episode gives him time, space and kindness to help him find coping mechanisms in order to continue with his life and dreams, and THAT'S Trek to me. A future where these things can be understood and worked through, without the constant shame that people with disabilities face when describing the trauma responses they suffer on a day-to-day basis.

In the end, Nog is heard. The main characters come to understand that what he felt is real. The episode gives him the time to work through complicated PTSD, and while he's not okay at the end, he's learning to live with it. And it's really fucking special to see this explored with a character we saw grow up into a man, on a show where the future is meant to be better than the present, written by writers in 1998 where they had no right to handle this as well as they did. This was an exceptionally special episode of television.

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