#then i pretended to go to the bathroom to hide my tears from my dad cuz he would’ve yelled at me if i went to my room w/o saying anything

[bo0zey]

manic mixed depressive episode on my bday is so fun especially when ur going on 2 days no sleep n have a 12hr shift starting at the asscrack of dawn in 6hrs

#idk if i want to sleep like i do but i don’t i just keep walking in circles n staring off blankly #also bursted into tears for no reason bc i missed my mom and remembered how much i hate my fucking birthday #was in the middle of a borderline argument w my family then just zoned out n glanced at the time and tears welled #6:13??? #then i pretended to go to the bathroom to hide my tears from my dad cuz he would’ve yelled at me if i went to my room w/o saying anything #so there i am crying like a pathetic loser on the toilet trying to suppress n swallow down ugly sobs #and there i am crying in my dumpster fire of a room on the floor #i literally go the entire year without crying abt her but every time december hits i always get into this weird funk #and idk why it’s still happening it’s been 7 years #i think my subconscious mind is influencing my body to release the trauma stored inside it bc i was never allowed to grieve her properly #so now in blips of time leading up to my birthday and the next day of her passing i’m 15 turning 16 again #i wish i didn’t have to work tomorrow so i could go visit her at her grave instead like i never go to the cemetery but i really want to #i guess i can go on her actual death day but i don’t want to go with my dad and brothers i just want to be alone #they don’t understand the feeling of losing your mom and best friend on your 16th bday #they don’t understand what it’s like carrying all this guilt and trauma and holding her hand and feeling her hand go limp at my words #i told her it was okay she could let go i would take care of my brothers and protect them from my father and i would be strong for everyone #meanwhile i’m listening to my dad n my aunt throwing all her clothes in trash bags upstairs #i didn’t even get to pick out what clothes i wanted to keep of hers im so angry my dad refused to let any of us miss her #“i miss mom-‘ ‘she’s dead get over it!’ #i got over it alright but then this time of year rolls around and i’m under it all again #i miss her so much i wonder if she’d be proud of me i wonder what it would be like to feel her hand in mine again #ooos im crying again lol #im so pathetic i’m literally 23 in less than 30 minutes why am i behaving like a crybaby child #23:33 when i was typing that btw n 333 is my angel/life path number lol #i wanna saw my arm off but i won’t #i debated staring an iv on myself instead but i’m too drained i just want lay down n cry lol #pathetic loser crybaby girl can’t function can’t shut up making everyone uncomfortable with her sadnes n tears stupid stupid stupid #drown in them and die nobody here loves you anymore nobody cares you’re the problem always the problem #i can’t remember if my mom loved me or not everyone says she did but i forgot what it feels like #i wish i never told her it was okay to let go i lied to her i said i’d be okay but here i am manic depressive

[amoreva]

Hiii can u do a Luke or Clarisse (either one) x child of Dionysus! Reader and like they sneak off to make out or SMT AND DIONYSUS catches them AND GIVES THEM THE TALK and it’s funny and embarrassing for them

(Thank you if you do make this!!)

THE TALK

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pairing: luke castellan x daughter of dionysus!reader

summary: your father gives you the talk, after he catches luke and you sneaking around

warnings: innuendo?, making out, dionysus dramatics

a/n: let’s pretend ep 8 of pjo didn’t happen. ngl brainrotting to luke and swan lake op 20 act 1

—– ٠ ✤ ٠ —–· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • · —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —–

Dionysus paced around in front of the two of you. His Hawaiian shirt catching wind. Luke was trying (and failing) to hide the grin. It was quite amusing to see a God worry about something like this.

Dionysus was muttering something to himself. You caught wind of your father talking about “Chiron” and “the talk” and he was so confused on where to start.

You grimaced just knowing this wouldn’t end well. “Dad, please…” You helplessly plead not to even start this conversation.

“No, no! I must.” Dionysus spoke and put his hands up in discontent. He leaned against his little desk in the Big House.

“Do you know how betrayed I feel!?”

Luke smiled as he helped you down the steps of Cabin 12. A stupid lovey-dovey grin on both of your faces as your interlaced hands and ran across camp. It was as if you were normal mortal teenagers rather than half-bloods.

You trek through the forest used for the Capture the Flag, running along the river which lead to the lake. Every so often, Luke stopped to steal a kiss from you. You two had not seen each other all day because of counselor duties.

“Luke—!” You giggled after he stole yet another kiss.

“You’ve deprived me of affection, love.” Luke joked and held your hands. He walked backwards into a clearing. You reached the lake. It was usually used for canoeing, swimming and Capture the Flag (as well as romantic rendezvous). “How was I supposed to sleep without seeing you?”

Luke took of the jacket he was wearing so you could sit without getting sand on your pajamas. The waves of the lake seeped into the sand by your feet. Luke and you sharing portions of his jacket so you both won’t get dirty.

“I did retire to my cabin without giving you a good night kiss.” You joked your hand came to rest on Luke’s cheek.

“What a terrible girlfriend.” Luke hummed and lips in to kiss your lips. You breathed through your nose. Fireworks exploded in your stomach as you and Luke kissed, pushing each back ever so slightly, but not letting go.

Your other hand went to cup his face fully. Sweet nothings heard here and there as he pulled back for air just to dive back in.

You can’t help but lose yourself in him.

It’s always him.

You can’t help it. When he looks like that, treats you like this and has a reputation of that— you can’ help it.

“Luke…”

“Mm…”

“Hi!” Mr. D shined a flashlight on both of you. His hand on his hip. Luke and you break apart and block the shiny light from your eyes. “So…you both get bathroom duty for…3 months—”

Before Mr. D could even dish out punishment, he gasps. He gasps so dramatically you think he sucked all the oxygen from the world.

“I know.” Your dad stated firmly. His flare for dramatics makes you want to roll your eyes. “I know that is not my daughter kissing a boy.”

“Betrayed?”

You exclaim. Your face contorting into disbelief and surprise. You leg stopped bouncing as you stare at your father.

“Yes. Betrayed that my own—” Dionysus feigns his tears. A hand over his heart as if he is going to a parental crisis. “My own daughter!” His voice shaky.

“With all due respect Mr. D—” Luke spoke up.

“I’m not talking to you!” Dionysus exclaimed and crouched to his knees in front of you.

He turns on the fake waterworks. “You’re growing up! Which means…you’ll be discovering things that make you—”

Luke and you cringe. “Dad!” You cried out, disgusted with what he was trying to imply. Mr. D’s act drops. He stood up and leaned on his table. “Look, you two are young and Chiron was telling me to man up and have like a sex talk—”

“Dad!” You stood up, grabbing Luke’s hand. You storm out of there, listening to your father yell phrases like “be safe when you’re with him!” or “That’s 4–no 5 months on bathroom duty!”

You face was as red as the strawberries growing in the field. Luke laughed quietly at your embarrassment, though he himself was embarrassed.

“Hey. You heard your father. Be safe with me.” Luke teased and grabbed your waist. He turned you around to face him.

“Luke—please, that was already embarrassing enough.” You spoke flustered.

“So…” Luke dragged out with a small smile. He leaned in towards your face, lips centimeter away from yours. “Next time. We won’t get caught. Can’t suffer another talk again, can we?”

Luke pressed a chaste kiss to your lips.

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#luke castellan #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan fluff #luke castellan imagine #pjo series #percy jackson #percy pjo #percy jackon and the olympians

[smilesstyless]

New Life

Summary: Y/n tells Harry that she’s pregnant

Pairing: dad!harry x actor!reader

Wordcount: 836

Warnings: mention of pregnancy, a bit of angst

A/N: I really hope you guys like it I planned a lot for them

“Hey, look at me,” he kisses the top of her head. Her eyes are closed. “We can keep our relationship private,” he titles her head up.

“Harry, Look I like you a lot, but this can’t happen. I-”

“Why can’t this happen?” He is questioning her decision.

“We are working together and I don’t want to go public with you. It always happens when I date someone on set, please understand my situation, I’m just scared,” she had tears in her eyes. Harry wraps his arms around her, his chin rests on her head.

“I understand, so we are over?” She doesn’t say anything, she wants to feel him as long as possible before they have to leave. He won’t say something about them dating before they started shooting a movie together. He don’t want to fight with her.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

It’s been a tough week for both of them. Harry is pretending they are nothing more than friends. Y/n is always with Flo, it doesn’t matter if it is on set or they are not working. They are always spending time together.

“You miss him, admit it,” she takes a sip from her coffee.

“I think so, it’s just weird to play a married couple and in reality we are nothing more than friends. I need to get something off my mind,” she leans forward closer to Florence.

“I thought he was the one, but it’s over now. He made me happy. I thought I was going to marry this guy and have kids with him. I thought I’m going to grow old with him and have grandchildren. He won’t even know about his baby,” she mutters.

“Oh honey,” Florence wipes her tears away. “Talk to him about it. He have the right to know,” Y/n shakes her head. She doesn't want to face him. Florence sits in the booth next to her. She wraps her arms around her. Y/n hides her face into Flo’s neck. “May I ask, how long have you been with him?”

“Before we started shooting the movie, two and a half years,” she sobs.

“Sorry, but you’re so dumb. You’re going to talk to him tomorrow,” Florence mumbles.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Harry stands in front of Y/n’s trailer. He was about to knock but y/n was faster than him. She opens the door and lets him in. “Flo told me you’re miserable,” he mutters. They both sit next to each other on the back couch.

“I’m not miserable, I just miss you,” she can’t look into his eyes otherwise she would break down crying.

“I have to ask, why did you break up with me?” Harry makes her look at him.

“I guess I’m just scared of the future,” she shrugs.

“What’s going on? I knew something was off, but I didn’t want to force you to talk,” she stands up and goes into the bathroom. Y/n came back with a pregnancy test.

“I’m pregnant,” she looks at him, Harry is too stunned to speak. Y/n sits down next to him. She hands him the test. He looks down on the test, his lips turn into a smile.

“H-how long do you know?” He is still looking at the test.

“Two weeks. Before you say anything I wanted to tell you, but I was scared of your reaction. I told Flo and said you need to know. I got used to the thought of having a baby, but our carriers, you’re working on your album right now and I can’t quit acting. It’s just-”

“You’re rambling. Do you want to have this kid with me?” She nodded her head. “Everything is up to you,” he looks down at her stomach.

“I really want to, but you’re going on tour soon and your album will be released in May. I have to promote a movie, I can’t hide her or him forever,” Harry holds her close to him.

“I will take you with me. We can buy a house wherever you want and raise our baby. Just stop worrying,” he kisses her temple. “I love you,” he mumbles against her warm skin.

“I would start as a songwriter and I can take care of our baby while you’re at work, I would do anything for you,” he added.

“I love you too, but I don’t want you to quit your job, you love to perform. It wouldn't be fair if I can still keep doing what I love and you have to give it up.”

“You have a point, I could take you with me or we could move the dates. My tour is supposed to start in spring. By then the baby is born and I want to help you. So we will move the dates to September, I have to talk to Jeff about it.” Harry is overwhelmed by the whole situation, he doesn't want to leave her alone with their child.

“Now you’re rambling, that would definitely work.” She kisses his cheek.

#dad!harry #harry styles fluff #harry styles blurb #harry styles x reader #harry styles #harry angst #harry styles au #harry styles one shot #harry styles boyfriend #harry styles drabble #harry styles angst #harry styles fic rec #harry styles fic #harry styles concept #harry styles x fem!reader #harry styles x plus size reader #actor!reader

[kess-in-the-perthchimzone]

Little details in episode 7

I FINALLY got to rewatch episode 7 so sharing a bunch of the tiny things that jumped out at me:

This angle!! The way his face is so scrunched!! He THAT desperately wants Sailom to understand what he is trying to tell him.

The way Sailom doesn’t look at him once while Kang is focused on him —

But then when the boys burst in he steals this glance

And Kang seems to sense it, but he’s too late and Sailom has already looked away again

This little pleased smile when Kang realizes he’ll have more chances with Sailom

Sailom pretending like he can just hide in his blanket cocoon and Kang won’t be able to find him

The way Sailom instantly knew when Kang gave up at the main door that he would come to the bathroom—

And Kang likewise knew he wasn’t asleep

The way after Kang asks this question—

He makes this adorable nervous face

How they are a package deal at KANG’S FAMILY EVENTS now

How Kang instantly puts a hand on Sailom’s shoulder and then they have an entire wordless conversation by making faces at each other. VISIBLE FROM MARS

I just love the idea that Kang and Pimfah immediately went back to close friends now that all the awkwardness is over

Sailom’s little hidden smile after Kang flirts with him on the bus

The fact that after Kang asks this question he LOOKS AT SAILOM FOR PERMISSION. Husband behavior!!

Sailom has a dedicated voice just for teasing Kang (see also their first tutor session and I know I’m missing at least one more)

And Kang has a dedicated voice just for protesting when his grandmother is teasing him about Sailom

the first time one of them has admitted it out loud to someone else!!

Another wrist drag!! I’m really into it, as is Sailom, I imagine despite all his protests

The song playing is Wind! I think it was @lamonnaie who talked about the idea that Perth & Chimon could exist in this world as real people. I keep laughing at the thought of Kang talking about how Perth is his favorite and Sailom teasing him because “that’s because he looks like you!” But now I’m also charmed at the idea of the reverse — that Kang has a thing for Chimon because he looks like Sailom

I LOVE this stumble fall because of COURSE it would lead to an (almost) kiss!! They’ve been flirting nonstop. They are touching in multiple places!! It is the only natural conclusion and I admire the writers for showing that progression. (We were ROBBED)

This is astonishingly brave of Sailom. This man clearly terrified him and could fire him in an instant and he still sticks up for Kang

This is after Guy rejects him. Kang gets this cocky “challenge accepted” smile and you know? This feels like really important growth for him. Also it’s a good look for him. Both seem like important observations

Kang scores a goal! He’s GENUINELY good. (I see you, Kang’s Dad, you DICK)

After Kang misses, Sailom makes sure to smile so that if Kang looks up to see him he won’t see him looking disapproving or sad. MY HEART

Sailom is RUTHLESS with his tests (affectionate). He lets Kang get through an entire pretty self-deprecating speech while sounding on the verge of tears without comforting him and waits for the most important line, which is this — that Kang is motivated on his own to get back up and keep trying. Only then does Sailom tell him he’s already got the friend’s approval. But Sailom needed to see that Kang was willing to keep trying first before he personally was willing to go all in. I love him.

And ending on this look. Sailom’s Look Of Love got a lot of attention, rightfully, but this is a pretty amazing one too.

#I LOVE THIS EPISODE #dangerous romance #dangerous romance the series #kanghansailom #kanghan kirttin sukprasert #sailom homchan #Kess babbles about dangerous romance #little details series

[moonchildreads]

small town

Chapter 6 - Walking on Sunshine

IN THIS CHAPTER: A surprise birthday lunch, a shitty but perfect Polaroid, and Chrissy gives advice to a friend in need [2.7k]

WARNINGS: vague allusions to former shitty friends, eddie being insecure, author not knowing how GPAs work

masterlist - prev - next | playlist

I used to think maybe you loved me, now, baby, I’m sure And I just can’t wait ‘till the day when you knock on my door

Monday, April 21st - 1986

Dottie spent the entire morning feeling like she was gonna throw up. She’d seen Mike and Dustin at the school entrance and both boys had simply waved at her before going back to their hushed conversation. Gareth and her delivered their joint report during Political Science and he spent the rest of their time together talking about how his sister had gotten a part-time job at a coffee shop while she was in college in Arizona. Jeff had crossed paths with her in the hallway and barely said hi before he hurried into the boys’ bathroom, catching his shoulder on the door frame as he went in. Donny had returned the latest tape he’d borrowed without much fanfare and promptly disappeared for the rest of the day. It seemed that the only person at school who remembered her birthday was Ms. Kelly, and that wasn’t even as comforting as one might think; she had obviously read it from her file before the start of their weekly check-in.

When the bell rang signaling lunch was starting, she felt the urge to hide in a bathroom stall and cry until her next class but even that was making her stomach churn; she shared English Literature with Eddie and he was nowhere to be found. She didn’t know what would be worse: him showing up having forgotten her birthday or not seeing him at all. Swallowing her own anxieties, she grabbed her little lunchbox from the back of her locker and hid away the birthday note her dad had stuck to it in the front pocket of her jean overalls. They are just stupid boys, she thought, trying to school her disappointed expression. They probably think my birthday is on Saturday. It’s not like they don’t care anymore or hate me all of a sudden. Taking a deep breath once she saw her friends sitting at their usual table at the cafeteria, she put on a calculated smile and pretended everything was fine. She’d done this before. She could do it again. They’d never have to know.

“Hey-” she hadn’t even finished greeting them when suddenly they all jumped out of their seats with party horns between their lips.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” they screamed, making a lot of noise and attracting attention from nearby tables.

“This one’s for you,” Dustin said, putting a paper party hat on her head, being careful to not snap the elastic on her chin.

She stared at them for a few eternal seconds, Dustin handing out more party hats and Donny accidentally letting go of the elastic as it was passing his nose. Even Eddie was wearing one, his wild hair flattened by the colorful paper. They didn’t forget, she realized. They planned this because they care about me. They didn’t forget. It was like the coil that had been tightening all morning had suddenly snapped inside her, and even if she was hyper aware that she was currently being watched by a lot of people, she couldn’t stop the tears from spilling down her cheeks.

“You assholes!” she yelled at them, hiding her face, crying and laughing at the same time. “You made me think you forgot!”

There was a flutter around the table as the teens looked at each other in panic with the knowledge that they’d gone a bit too far with their nonchalant act before they surrounded her, soothing palms on her back and offering a million apologetic hugs.

“I knew it, I knew this was a terrible idea,” Dustin was saying. “I told them you were gonna get upset if we ignored you all day.”

“We’re so sorry, fuck, we didn’t mean it, please don’t cry,” Gareth was stuck to her side like velcro.

“I totally thought you had figured us out when I ran into the bathroom door, shit,” Jeff said.

“I thought you were about to pee yourself, dumbass,” she retorted, her tears finally drying up, a smile on her face.

“Okay, okay, chill out, guys, let her breathe,” Eddie said, carving a little path between the boys to get to her. He pulled her into a hug and she instantly hid her face on his chest.

“You fucking idiot, I was so sure you were skipping class today,” she slapped his back softly with open fingers.

“And miss my favorite girl’s birthday? I would never,” he muttered into her hair.

Dottie nuzzled his chest, a warm feeling spreading all the way to her feet and a grin growing on her face. Eddie chuckled as he threw his head back slightly, the tenderness of the moment fully on display for everyone to see embarrassing him to the bone, but he didn’t have enough willpower to let her go yet. Thankfully for him, the boys began singing Happy Birthday loud enough for her to get curious and unentangle herself from his arms. Mike was holding a rather large chocolate muffin with bright pink frosting and a lit candle on top, waiting for her to make a wish.

“Mrs. Nelson! Mrs. Nelson!” Dustin waved to a teacher who was watching the scene unfold with a pleased smile on her face. “Can you take a picture for us?”

He pulled out a Polaroid instant camera from his backpack under the table and positioned the woman to take what he thought was the perfect shot. The gentle Geography teacher waited for them to get situated; everyone huddled up around Mike and Dottie, who was thinking very hard about the most important wish she’d ever made. She nodded at Mike to let him know she was ready, and he brought the candle up to her face. I wish for all of us to always be friends no matter what happens, she thought with as much will as she had in her heart and blew out the flame, the boys cheering around her.

“Happy birthday, princess,” Eddie said, lips dangerously close to her ear.

As she turned to look at him, the pet name making her already very sensitive stomach do somersaults inside her, she heard the familiar click of a picture being snapped. Dustin thanked the teacher and retrieved the camera, flicking the sticky paper wildly for it to develop faster. Once they finally settled down at the table for lunch, a few kind people and teachers who had seen the celebration go down approached to wish her a happy birthday and, for the first time since she moved in, Dottie felt really, truly comfortable in Hawkins, Indiana.

“Son of a bitch,” Dustin said, finally looking at the Polaroid, Dottie making grabby hands in his direction immediately. “We aren’t even looking at the camera!”

“Lemme see,” she said, grabbing the picture and bringing it to her side of the table.

Dustin was right, literally none of them were looking at the camera but all of them had been caught in various states of happiness and celebration. Mike looked very panicked about dropping the muffin as he was being shaken from behind by Donny’s hand on his shoulder, the rest of the older boy’s body barely visible behind Jeff who had a party horn dangling from his mouth, and Dustin himself had been caught either singing or talking, his eyes closed and hands coming together in a clap. Gareth was standing to Dottie’s right, one arm around her waist, laughing while looking at Jeff’s general direction, and Eddie was on her left, hands in his pockets, looking straight at her with puppy eyes and what was perhaps the most unguarded smile she’d seen on him yet. Dottie’s body was pointed towards Mike, one hand grabbing his arm to help stabilize him, but her head was turned towards Eddie, her eyes landing on him with a smitten expression and a shy smile on her lips.

“It’s perfect,” she declared, committing the memory to the Forever drawer in the part of her brain that kept her most precious moments safe.

She was sure that she’d have time to analyze why she felt giddy every time her eyes landed on the way Eddie was looking at her in the picture, but not today. Today was her birthday, and she was the happiest she’d been in a very long time.

Wednesday, April 23rd - 1986

“I thought what you guys did for Dorothy’s birthday the other day was really sweet,” Chrissy said, putting away the small bag of weed she’d just bought from Eddie.

“You only turn 18 once, right?” he smiled, remembering their lengthy argument about how to cut the muffin in enough pieces for everyone at the table. She’d given the biggest piece to Mike. “She deserves it for putting up with us.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that’s the only reason why you went full out.”

Eddie looked at Chrissy intrigued by what she was saying. By now, he’d already realized that what he felt for Dottie was more than just a simple friendship or even a short-lived crush. He could be rather oblivious at times but he wasn’t that dumb, even he could tell something was different here when he actually started looking forward to going to school every morning. But truth be told, Eddie Munson simply wasn’t very experienced in matters of the heart. He’d gone out on a couple of dates with people he’d met at gigs and fooled around here and there but still, he was no Steve Harrington. In his most honest moments, he had to admit that Mike Wheeler probably had more moves than he did. At least he actually had a girlfriend, which is something Eddie had never really had. Hell, even Dustin had a girlfriend if all his talk about Certified Genius Suzie was real.

No, he had to admit, if not to anyone else but to himself, that him being inexperienced had been his own fault. There had been no shortage of out-of-town drunks throwing themselves at him after shows, but deep down, Eddie was insecure and that had been a running gag with former Hellfire Club members and Corroded Coffin bandmates that still weighed heavily on his mind. He’s just bad at picking up chicks, one of his old friends had said back when he was on his very first run at being a senior. He’ll learn. And yes, he had learned the theory but therein lay his second problem: he was too aware of his own reputation to put those things in practice seriously. It had been easy to make out in the back of his van with people who saw him as their shot at feeling like real groupies, and he certainly had indulged in those moments from time to time; he was, after all, a hormonal teenager.

But just as he was all too conscious that he had the necessary charm to be a playboy if he really wanted to and the knowledge that his infamy as “the freak of Hawkins High” attracted a very particular kind of crowd to him, he was also painfully cognizant that he had never really felt, well, love. Or at least not even the kind of infatuation that could have led to love if nurtured right. All his high school crushes had been on people that had been so far away from what he considered his own league, and it certainly didn’t help that the only time he had actually had the courage to ask someone out (two weeks before his Junior prom, he remembered the day like it had been yesterday), the girl in question had laughed at him for a solid minute. And told her friends. Who had also laughed at him.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Chrissy asked, interrupting his journey down sad and jilted memory lane.

“Would you date me?”

“What?” she laughed, but there was no malice. That was the thing about Chrissy Cunningham: she would always laugh with you, never at you. “You know I have a boyfriend.”

“Yeah, and he’s a douche but that’s beside the point,” he paced in front of her, his sneakers crunching leaves on the grass. “I’m asking if you as a girl, not as Chrissy, think that I could be… dateable,” he cringed as soon as the words left his mouth.

“Wow. You really got it bad for her.”

“Chrissy, come on,” he said, dragging the Os for effect. “I don’t know what I’m doing here, okay, cut me some slack.”

“Okay, alright,” she sighed. “Do you want the hard truth or do I… soften it for you first?”

“Just give it to me,” he draped himself dramatically on the picnic table where he usually did all his drug deals.

“I think you’re a great guy, Eddie. You’re funny, you know who you are and what you want,” he made a face but she continued anyway. “You are really genuine and you care a lot about your friends. It’s just that… well, I don’t really know Dorothy but-”

“You’d love her,” he muttered, hiding his eyes with his arm. He felt entirely too vulnerable in this conversation.

“You’re not exactly the kind of guy the good girls get to take home to their parents, you know? Even if we want to.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not saying she wouldn’t do it, like I said, I don’t really know her but it’s complicated for girls like us. There’s… expectations and rules.”

“God, could you imagine,” he chuckled darkly. “The 3.74 GPA girl with the guy who got held back two years in a row. Now that’s a fantasy story.”

“You know her GPA by heart?” she said, incredulous.

“It’s projected. She said it should be 3.92 if it was weighted, whatever that means.”

“Jesus Christ, Eddie.”

“I feel like I’m losing my mind,” he rolled over and let himself drop to the grass.

“Yeah, well, welcome to the club.”

Chrissy watched him throw a mini tantrum on the floor and felt truly bad for him. He had been so kind to her all this time, and he was actually so far removed from the terrifying image some people liked to pretend was the real him. It was in these moments that she was aware that they were both equally lost kids, just tryharding their way through high school, making mistakes they’d probably regret for the rest of their lives. She tilted her head to the side as he sat down again and began picking greenery out of his hair.

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think you are completely hopeless,” she rested her head on her hand. “You just gotta clean up a little bit.”

“I showered this morning,” he said, and smelled his shirt just in case.

“I meant, you gotta clean up your act! Get your grades straight, graduate, be more… I don’t know… this Eddie,” she made a circular gesture at his general direction with her hand. “Not the standing-on-tables-angry-at-the-world Eddie you put on to scare everyone away. The real you.”

“I’ll have you know that my table monologues are 100% the real me, thank you very much.”

“Eddie.”

“Alright,” he sighed. “I get it. I gotta be more like Jason.”

“Fuck no.”

“Chrissy Cunningham, saying a bad word,” he put his hand to his chest, always a drama queen.

“Look. Jason is my boyfriend, and I love him,” she stopped him before he could interject with a wave of her hand. “But I don’t think he’s what Dorothy is looking for. She already likes you enough to be your friend, you just gotta… help her out a little bit! Be a version of you she can bring home to her grandparents’ for Christmas.”

Eddie stared at his metallic lunchbox, running scenarios in the back of his mind. He was going to her house on Saturday for her birthday party, and he was going to meet her Dad there. It was incredibly important to make a good impression; he feared that he wouldn’t let her hang out with him anymore even if she insisted that he was “a cool Dad”. In his experience, there was a limit to how understanding parents could be when he was around. A light bulb turned on in his brain, a mischievous grin spreading on his face. Chrissy tilted her head at him, curiously.

“If you had to guess, what would be Dot’s clothing size?”

#bunny writes #small town fic #eddie munson x female character #eddie munson x oc #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic #eddie munson #hellfire club #stranger things 4 #gareth stranger things #jeff stranger things #dustin henderson #mike wheeler #eddie munson x reader #joseph quinn #baby's first fic

[velvetcloxds]

03- DEAR DAD

Dear dad,

I remember being seven waiting for you to come home from work and playing with your hair while you told me about your day- remember telling you I loved you while I braided the curls which matched mine, remember how quickly you said it back to me, how I giggled in your presence every time.

I wonder what I did wrong to change that, wonder when you began to hate me. Was it when I started resembling her? Did you find in me what you found in her, kindness, goodness that had to be destroyed, light that had to be set back to darkness?

When did I start hiding my smile, covering my laugh, when did I start fighting for my emotions to be validated, putting my worth in the hands of a man who doesn't see good outside of himself? When did I start locking myself in bathrooms while you screamed at the door about how insufferable you found my existence to be? When did I begin taking long showers so that the house would not hear my crying, wiping my eyes with cold rags so she wouldn't see the tears, so she wouldn't know how miserable I was?

I resent you. I resent the way I've lost hope in the concept of love, seeing merely affinity, like chemicals- a reaction, not permanence. I resent all the moments I had prayed for the comfort of someone's love while I watched you break her, break our family- destroy all that she had created herself into in merely a second. I resent you for the nights I had to stay home from friends so she wouldn't be alone with you, the mornings I had to guide her through panic attacks before going to school to write exams and pretend I wasn't shaken up, the times I had to make excuses for your behavior while you demolished my character for your enjoyment. I resent you for bringing me into a world where I'd never know what love was supposed to look like. For convincing me that being used was the same as being loved because even if I were to be thrown out and disregarded, for a moment, at least, I was wanted.

I hate who I am because of you. I hate how I give myself away in the hopes that whoever robs me of my pieces, would stay, would care. I hate that I cannot look into the mirror without seeing you- hearing your words as they meld over my mind to destroy me from the inside. I hate the way you make me work myself into emergency rooms where I begged to go home and study while the nurses tried to remind me how to breathe. I hate that I allowed you to make me ashamed of my weakness. I hate how I swallow my pain and my hurt for the sake of your satisfaction, how you make me feel like I've lost my mind when truly you were the one to rob me of it.

You filled my life with hatred and darkness and never allowed my light to shine, you put the flames of my soul out into ashes which you threw in the faces of anyone who tried to love me, and care for me. I cannot get through a day without your abuse acting symptomatic in my life. I wonder, sometimes, who I would be if you didn't fail me. Wonder how much of my personality was created merely to please you. What's real? My kindness, my achievements, my talents- I wanted you to see them, see that I was not a failure like you considered the rest of the world to be. You hid behind your demons but you were the one to conjure them and you still considered yourself ever serene.

Will I forever be plagued with this bitterness? Will I have to put my happiness on hold for her sake- to be her keeper, to be her rock? When will it stop being so offensive when they call me strong or mature or good when none of those were attributes found by choice? When will I not look with envy at my brother who left us so easily for his freedom while I wake day after day in the hell you've settled us in? When will I allow myself to feel without guilt, without regret? Will we always have two good days and three bad months where we walk around you on eggshells already partially shattered?

When will what you are no longer affect who I am?

Long ago, on the significantly bad days, she used to tell me tales of times when you were good, when your kindness wasn't a show, when you considered me yours, and the thought made you proud. You've tainted my memories with sorrow, and the only thing I will always remember is that above all, I just wanted your love, we just wanted your love and all you gave us instead was hate and torture and more pain than I could ever truly put into words.

For years I thought death was the way out of it all, yours, mine. Now I no longer have any desire to die, but every moment I'm forced to breathe I consider how much I wish her and I didn't have to live like this. I wonder if the end comes when we meet our Maker, I wonder who of us will be worse off, you for all you've done, or me for how much I hate you for it.

I just wanted a father. She just wanted to finally be safe. You made sure we didn't get either.

@txkingupspxce

#monique rants poetically #poetry #even trauma looks pretty with a moodboard

[balshumetsbaragouin]

Chapter 19 has been released! It came out later than usual, but it did make it. Inside, we see Danny getting stitched up and getting some much-needed advice from his dad.

Wednesday will be a double feature! I'll be posting chapter 20 for Passion and my Valentine's Core Exchange fanfic! Well, the first chapter of it, anyway! So, even though Passion is ending soon, you can look forward to updates for the new fic to tide you over until the 1st of June, when I'll be doing regular Bittersweet Future updates for Arc Three.

There's still time to get on the Passion train before it ends! Need some convincing? Have a sample of the story below:

The sting of the open air on his wounds kept him grounded. Every time he wanted to slip away from the present moment of anxiety and worry, retreat to some place where the last hour hadn’t happened, he’d breathe. The muscles between his collarbone and lower ribs stretched and flexed with every inhaled breath, skin pulled farther apart and then squeezed together by the pumping of his lungs. He’d laid down on top of his bed, over a towel, and waited. The cuts were too deep, the area too broad, for him to stitch himself. Jazz was coming. His sister was downstairs, pretending to study, helping maintain the sense of normalcy needed to convince their parents he was uninjured. His blood cooled a sticky combination of bright red and green, webs of ectoplasm stretching along the surface of the wounds, trying to pull them closed. It worked much better than his human blood’s clotting factor, flexible enough to move with his breathing, but tight enough to continually pull the frayed edges of his torn flesh closer with each passing second. It would make stitching easier. It always did.

Still, if he tried to raise his arms—twist to stitch himself—he’d just tear and re-open everything. So, he waited. He listened to the slugging of the water through the house’s pipes, the pattering of the branches against his window, felt the slimy sensation of blood leaking down his ribs, and waited. He was laying too flat for vertigo to harm him, even as he started spinning slowly while laying completely still, but if Jazz could hurry the fuck up, that’d be great. He hissed as he flexed a little to raise his head and look at the time. It’d only been another minute; it just felt like an eternity.

“ Sorry Danny,” the door closed with a quiet tap, “I had to wait for them to go back into the lab.”

“ No worries, not like I could go anywhere.” He heard her hissed intake of breath, could imagine the horrified looking expression to accompany it. “It smells like a butcher shop in here, and I look like an incompletely done up rack of ribs, but all of that is just dramatic window dressing. I’ll be fine.”

“ Where’s the first aid kit?”

“ By my desk, it was a bitch and a half getting it from under the bathroom sink. We should hide it someplace that requires less bending and reaching.” He waved his hand vaguely in the direction of his desk chair, where he’d placed the plastic box, and focused on his breathing. The room was spinning more, and the feeling of hanging near the ceiling was kicking in.

#Danny Phantom #Danny Phantom Fanfiction #Passion and Plasmatic Plague #PaPP #Balshumet's Baragouin #Chapter Nineteen

[fwb-anon]

♡ dear diary… ✁࿓ (014)

dear diary,

sorry for leaving you hanging. yuuji had entered the room, and i didn't want him to find you.

i've put a kuromi sticky note on the page where i stopped, and i'll put one when i tell you the rest of my night with toge. it's those sticky notes that aren't fully sticky, so you can bookmark with it. toge got a hello kitty pack, and gave me the kuromi ones.

i like kuromi. she's a bad bitch, like me.

anyway.

i felt a bit weird today. i received a letter, except i don't usually receive letters. so i looked at the return address, and there wasn't anything. so i opened it, and there was a letter, some bills, and an old photograph inside.

it was from my mom.

i don't want to talk about her. she doesn't deserve it.

but she knows about my life. because of yuuji. he kept in touch with her.

he said she's doing better, and that i should talk to her. i punched him when he said that.

the others stopped me right after, but it was too late anyway: he wanted me to talk to her. i resent her but she's still my mother, so i won't insult her... i feel bad when i do. like it's wrong.

anyway, i punched yuuji and i expected toge to be the first to tell me off, because yuuji is his baby, his favourite. but he didn't. he stared at me and grabbed my hand, too softly (it made me nervous). then, he pulled me inside the bathroom and said "tell me about her".

i didn't want to, but he specified: "why should i punch her?" and it might sound stupid, dear diary, but i feel like he really got me there.

so i told him. he already knew a bit, but i told him more. i told him why i didn't want to see her, and why i didn't want her money or nostalgia.

i didn't tell him about the nights spent outside with her, when she'd pretend she was drunk so we could "practice" bringing her home. or how she was a nice drunk, but still, i didn't want her like this at all. nice drunks are nice people, they don't harm. and the nights she made us believe she was drunk so we could learn how to handle her in the streets, and in the subway, and how to lift her despite her weight (because she was an adult and we were only seven or eight, or maybe ten)— i didn't tell him that. i don't think anyone would believe it.

also, when i told ume and mai about one of those drunk nights, i ended up in tears. i don't want to cry. even if it's angry tears.

anyway.

i told toge and i didn't cry. then, he stared and asked me where was the envelope. i told him, he left the bathroom for a bit, and came back with it.

"what do you wanna do with the money?"

i wanted to burn it, cut it into a thousand pieces, throw it at her face. but we didn't grow up privileged enough for me to go through with that.

"... give it to yuuji." sending gifts back is impolite. that's why i did it.

toge put the bills away and took out the letter. "what do you wanna do with this?"

i shrugged. i felt conflicted, i think.

"i wanna cut it." i added, "then keep it."

it felt different that way. like i was still angry... even though i don't know why i'd keep it. but toge nodded, and told me we'd do it later.

then, he took out the photograph. it was the five of us: grandpa, dad, mom, yuuji and me. it was very old.

"what do we do with this?" his tone was softer.

i didn't think twice. "hide it. don't tell me where... just hide it. and don't tell me when it's done. don't give me hints... pretend it never happened."

my eyes got wet for a second, because i remembered the ending to a show i really liked and somehow this felt like it.

toge kissed my forehead and stroked my cheek. "whatever you need." he made me look at him. "no more punching, okay?"

this made me cry a bit. he held me against him and pet my hair. it felt too nice.

i hate myself for this, dear diary, but when he was comforting me, the only thing i kept thinking was: i need a drink.

#cw alcohol #cw alcoholism #cw bad parenting #fwb.dear-diary #sukutoge #this one is meh in terms of writing #but anywhooo #sorry for the angst <3 #ngl the show sukuna mentioned is like #to me that's the good place #with chidi #iykyk #just the entire thing about the wave... i don't usually rewatch or re-read things #i have a great memory which is a hassle soooo i can't forget stuff basically #which means i don't ever have the experience of 'omg this happens??' so i don't usually see the point in rewatching #bc it's like... i also remember what i was feeling yk so why would i relive things i remember LOL #but this show... i've watched it at least 7 or 8 times for the past year... not counting the previous years ofc #watched it 3 times in a row too #it just makes me cry. always. like... idk it's like i finally get what being human is with this show yk? #ANYWAY <3

[rosenallies]

h/c scenario prompts 16 “hiding an injury” 13 “broken ribs” and 22 “hurts to breathe” with Sick Au (wild combination I know and I’m sorry 😭)Jane is a daredevil especially when they’re not with Nat and her family. So they do some stupid shit at a party and end up falling and get really hurt. She can’t tell her parents and doesn’t want to bother Nat’s so she just pretends she didn’t injure herself ☹️ but Synthia is obviously no stranger to hiding being in pain and calls her out

Sorry this is late asf <333 but ty for sending this in bestie <3

——

“Jane?” Synthia whispered, passing by her in the hallway, his daughter’s partner avoiding his gaze.

“Hey.”

“Can I talk to you?”

Jane sucked in a breath, unable to hide the wince in her voice. “Yeah, sure,” she croaked, a sinking feeling about what it was about.

He pulled her aside gently, ushering her into the guest bedroom so they could talk privately.

“Are you sick?” He said, cutting to the chase, “you’ve been short of breath lately and you just look like you’re in pain and-and I know what it’s like to hide feeling ill but you deserve to feel better. I can take you to my doctor if you want to, but you’re going to need to tell Natalie, she’d be devastated if anything happened.”

“No-I,” she sighed, lifting up her sweater, revealing large purple bruises spreading along her sides and her ribs, peeking out from underneath her binder. “I got hurt.”

“Oh, Jane, what happened?”

Their face burned with embarrassment. “I-I went to a party and I maybe had a little too much to drink and jumped into a pool. I misjudged how close the step was.”

“Oh god, Jane you could have died,” he breathed, “you could have hit your head.”

“I know, I know. I just-“ tears welled up in her eyes, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Can we tell Nat? She’s gonna want to check you out.”

Jane huffed, damn her doctor wife. “She’s gonna be so disappointed. She didn’t want me going to that party anyway, she thinks my college friends are shitty people and they kind of are but I just -sometimes it scares me how grown up we all are. I mean, I love my life and I love Natalie but sometimes I miss being younger before we had all these responsibilities.”

Synthia nodded along. “I understand, but none of that is worth getting you hurt over. I was the same way when I first got sick, I just physically couldn’t do anything about it because I was stuck in bed all the time. But I really think you should tell Natalie.”

“Okay,” Jane whispered, hanging her head and trying not to cry. Natalie’s disapproval would likely hurt 10x more than her injuries.

“One more thing though,” Synthia said, Jane looking up, “I know you like to wear it, but you really shouldn’t be wearing your binder right now. It’s got to be making it so much worse.”

“Oh I- yeah, it is.”

Squeezing her hand, Synthia smiled sympathetically. “Let’s go talk to Nat and she can help you take it off, okay? She’s a doctor, she has gentle hands.”

If Jane was feeling like herself she would have made a crude joke to herself in her head, face reddened as she tried not to laugh, but her mind didn’t even go there, she only thought about the disappointment on her wife’s face when she tells her.

As well as he could, Synthia helped Jane to the kitchen where Kendall and Natalie were engrossed in a card game, Gia laughing along as they played, poking fun at one another.

The energy changed when Synthia and Jane walked in, the three at the table looking up at them with concern.

“Dad, are you okay?” Natalie asked, crossing the kitchen to him, placing a hand on his bony back, “do you need anything?”

“Um, actually,” Jane spoke up, anxiety radiating off her, “can you-um, can you check me out, Nat? I, uh, kinda got hurt.”

Natalie’s eyes went wide. “What happened? Did you trip in the bathroom?” She looked to her parents, “I’ve been begging you guys to please fix that uneven tile in the bathroom! It’s dangerous!”

“No, Natalie,” Jane said, shaking her head, “can we please go to the guest bedroom?”

Nerves flared in Natalie’s belly as she nodded, following Jane slowly down the hallway. She sat on the bed beside Jane and grabbed her hand. “What happened?”

Jane took a shaky breath, lifting up her sweater to show her all the bruising that crept down her chest and side.

“Oh god,baby, what happened? You probably have a broken rib or two, has it been hurting to breathe?”

“Yeah, kind of,” she admitted.

Looking closely at some of the bruises, Natalie noticed they were yellowing around the edges, meaning they weren’t fresh. “Jane, when did this happen? Some of these are already yellowing.”

Jane stared at her hands in her lap, fiddling with her rings. “Last week, at the party. I know you said my college friends are no good, but I just-I wanted to go and I’m sorry I let them convince me to jump in the pool, it was stupid. Your dad was right I could have died and-and-“

“Hey,” Natalie interrupted, “I’m not mad. I’m just worried about you being hurt. How come you didn’t tell me? You’ve been in pain for a week and I didn’t even know!”

Guilt swirled in Jane’s chest, her wife’s voice so soft and hurt. She knew if she looked at her there’d be tears in those brown eyes. “I didn’t want you to be angry with me.”

“God, baby, I would never be angry at you for being hurt. Ever.”

Jane nodded, wiping her own tears that spilled hot down her cheeks. “Okay.”

“Let’s get you home, baby, and I’ll take care of you, okay? I’ll write you a prescription for some pain meds and we can pick it up on the way home. And Janey, I hate to say it, but doctor’s orders, you need to not wear your binder for a while.”

“I know, that’s what your dad said. Can you help?”

“Yeah, c’mere.”

Natalie helped her take off her sweater, so gentle and tender, though she gasped softly when she saw how banged up Jane really was. “Oh honey,” she cooed, heart dropping at the sight of her.

She tutted softly as she helped her take off her binder, even gentler than before. Jane instinctively went to cover her chest, but Natalie stopped her, taking off her own oversized crewneck and handing it to Jane. “Here, this should be big enough to cover you. You’re gonna need to wear looser stuff for a while.”

Grateful, Jane slipped it on, Natalie doing the same with the sweater Jane had on.

“There,” Natalie smiled softly, “ready to head home?”

“Yeah, oh and Nat? Thanks for not being upset with me, I know it was a stupid thing to do.”

Natalie smiled, helping her partner off the edge of the bed, cupping her face in her hands. “It was, but we can joke about that when you’re feeling all better, okay?”

If she wasn’t in such pain, Jane would have tackled Natalie to the bed with kisses, but she settled with a short peck on the lips, one that required little movement. “I love you.”

Natalie squeezed her hand, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I love you too.”

#sick verse #prompt request

[alyosiuscreightonward]

Dear Diary.

Day Two. Yesterday I took my first dose of my psych meds. It was a very hard for me. I kept on obsessing over the fact that they were pills. My mind was racing. It was only one pill but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. In the past, the label clearly states that I should have taken one/two pills every six to eight hours as needed for pain. Normal directions. In my mind I see it as, take six to eight pills every hour to keep the buzz going. I did it previously and that’s what led me to become homeless.

My past behavior. I’d go to a friends house and go to the bathroom. Open up the medicine cabinet and rummage around. Knowing what was what, I’d take one pill from each bottle and I’d end up with five or six pills and before I’d go back in to chill, I’d take all of them. WooHoo! Then my addiction became a tad more sinister. I’d hide various pills in the hems of the living room curtains. So if I came to your house and you stepped out for just a moment, I’d go to the curtains and pretend to look out to enjoy the view and then with slight of hand, I’d slip the pill into the hem. I tried to hide the pill in the couch cushions but folks tend to straighten their cushions more often than not. One person who I had visited with futzed with the cushions and then found my Quaalude. Five dollars for each pill was and still is expensive since they were becoming harder to get real ones and not the Canadian version. Shit. I became so sensitive to the taste and with one lick (yes, I licked the pill and I’d take it regardless) and knew immediately that it was made in the USA or Canadian made.

Yes Dear Gentle Reader, there is a difference between the two. The difference between the two are the levels of sourness and bitterness. The thickness of the beveled edge and the depth of crevice that ran down the middle. Little nuances made a huge difference between USA and Canadian. Plus you had to know which Doctor Feelgood had access to what distributor. Trust.

While at the job, I had a few moments where I was on the verge of tears and felt a sense of panic. I’d have to stop. Take a seat in the office and collect myself. Or if I doing something else, I’d have to stop and centered. Deep breaths. I could hear my mother saying, “Swallow that sound or I’ll give you a reason. Your tears, not mine.” She was not having any of it. You did it or suffer the consequences. I’m not lying. The hand or a metal vacuum cleaner pipe or something similar would be perfect to make sure that you had a good reason to cry.

I kept it together for my entire shift. Motherfucker, it was hard for me not to fall apart. But as usual like mom said, “Ship shape and in a Bristol fashion. Shoulders back. Stomach in. Stiff upper lip. Eyes forward. NOW MARCH!!!” This is exactly what I did. If I was going to fall apart, do it in private and not in public. If it was in public, no ma’am. “Put the lotion in the basket,” he said looking down on you from above. The hole was a least twenty feet deep. The menacing threat was right there just like the slightest hint of a breeze. Dad liked the buckle end of his belt. G’head flinch.

Hours later when I was watching, “Mrs Maisel” again…I actually felt better. Then I smoked some of my blunt. Granted it was nearly two in the morning, but I kept it together and ended up sleeping six hours and I didn’t lose my shit. Sigh.

#dear diary #i wrote this for me #lgbtq #bipolar depression #inside my mind #my words #my writing #no your not the only one #pity party #ramblings #reality stranger than fiction #self love #vomiting #wnq writers #writers on tumblr #journal #self help #self loathing

[lilyevanstan1325]

✨ Astral Lovers ✨

Chapter 6

Lily POV

When I open my eyes I only see the ceiling of my bedroom.

A tear escapes from my eyes.

I lie down staring at nothing for I don't know how long.

My gaze wanders without a fixed goal.

Only afterwards I realize that I am wearing the clothes of the previous evening.

When I went up to my room last night, I threw myself directly on the bed.

Too busy with events to even have the strength to think about taking a shower and putting on a pajamas.

Last night...

I sigh.

I sit up bringing my knees to my chest, I wrap my arms around them where I rest my left cheek.

I am facing the window.

It is still dark outside.

The clock on the wall strikes 4:10 AM.

My mind immediately flies to the dinner with my father.

It all seems so absurd.

I didn't think he really missed mom, they only fight in the end.

And then there was that secret.

What I never had the courage to reveal to my parents.

Dad had prepared the divorce papers.

I had found them one day, by pure chance.

My mom was already ill, we had been diagnosed for about a week.

At the hospital we were asked for insurance documents, for health coverage.

So, after I got home from school, I took a shower and started looking for those documents.

I didn't want to waste my father's time so he could go straight from the office to the hospital without the hassle of having to go home and waste more time.

Wasting more time that he could have spent with her.

I thought I was doing both of them a favor.

He seemed to be getting closer to her, they seemed to be the close-knit couple of when I was little.

And instead I was wrong.

I rummaged through mom's drawers but found nothing.

But then I remembered that dad kept all the bookkeeping in his office.

So I ran downstairs and went into his study.

His Sancta Sanctorum.

Behind a double door, of heavy mahogany, was a huge room.

Full of shelves, almost to the ceiling, and filled with hundreds of books.

In the center of the room is his carved desk from the end of the 19th century.

My father's great pride.

I found it creepy.

Made of boise de rose, with the four legs carved with intricate weaves of ivy and here and there a few faces of cherubs.

But they had nothing of angelic.

They have fixed and empty gazes.

As if they saw through time and space, hiding disturbing secrets.

I open the various drawers and start looking.

I can't find anything until I find a file in the bottom drawer.

I opened it because it didn't show any details externally.

Maybe luck was on my side and I would find what I was looking for.

Instead...

I read it all greedily.

I remember having to sit on the ground, my head spinning and I was nauseous.

I couldn't believe it.

He wanted a divorce.

He was at her bedside pretending to be desperate and instead he would come out clean.

Why does he raise a fuss about the beautiful person of him asking for a divorce?Eventually he would be a widower.

He would be the poor grief-stricken man left to raise a troubled teenage daughter.

Eventually she would die.

I wanted to throw up.

But I took the hit and put on a mask.

I pretended nothing happened.

Although outside I seemed the portrait of the peace of mind, inside me I screamed and burned.

I had hell in my heart and soul.

That was the moment I began to hate that man.

I cross my legs and hide my face in the palms of my hands.

But now, after our heart-to-heart chat, I could have given him the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe with mom's illness he realized that deep down they still loved each other and that they were just lost along the way.

That together he could face everything, maybe even defeat cancer.

I take another look at the clock.

It's 4:30 AM.

I decide to get up and take a shower, at 6 I should have been at work.

I get up with a sigh and go to the bathroom.

In front of the mirror I begin to undress.

I open the first buttons of the shirt but then I remember to take off the necklace and earrings first.

I tilt my head slightly so that through the mirror I can see the hook of the earring and remove it.

Removed the first I go for the second.

But I make a horrible discovery.

The earring is not there.

No.

No.

No no no.

It can not be.

I run back to my room, taking care not to make any noise, and begin to search.

I check on the bed, take off the sheets and blankets and throw them on the floor.

Turned my desk and jewelry box upside down.

I kneel on the floor, feeling it inch by inch with both hands.

Nothing, I can't find it.

I go down to the kitchen hoping that I have lost it there.

I leave my room and go down the stairs without even touching the ground.

My eyes becomes wet, I can feel it but I push back the tears.

Mu chest hurts so bad.

"Please.Please jump out.Please" I murmur under my breath.

"Hey what are you doing?Do you know what time it is?"

I don't even turn around.

I limit myself only to responding on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

"The earring.I lost my earring."

My father doesn't seem to understand so he goes around me to parry him in front of me.

"What are you talking about Elisabeth?"

"Don't call me Elisabeth!" I explode.

"Mom's earrings.Her favorites.I only had one in my ear this morning"

Tears break their bank.

"Maybe you lost it from Jhon.Or on the street"

"You don't help, dad!"

"I'm just saying you need to calm down.It will come out"

"What if it doesn't?I know this will look stupid to you but they were her favorites.She loved them.Me too.She gave them to me when she was on that damn hospital bed.It was her last gesture of love for me"

I'm sobbing now.

My father comes over and puts his hand on my shoulder.

I'm tempted to shake him off but I hold back.

"As I have already told you I am convinced that it will come out.Now prepare yourself otherwise you will be late for work" and so saying he takes his newspaper, his coffee and leaves the house.

"I'm sure it will come out"

I imitate his voice.

"Dumbass!"

With a heavy heart as a boulder I go back to the bathroom.

I finish undressing and throw myself under the boiling water.

In contact with water, my skin releases a fragrance that teases my mind.

Sandalwood and bergamot.

Steve's bubble bath.

How the hell is that possible?

God I feel my head explode.

I begin to cry even harder.

The shower washes away the tears which are promptly replaced by the others.

For a moment with the earring drama I had forgotten about Steve.

And now him had surfaced.

As if a bomb had gone off in my head.

Like a punch in the stomach.

I do not know what to do.

I'm tired.

Mentally tired.

What if I'm just going crazy?

But what if my brain had something wrong?

I shake my head leaving everything out and try to prepare myself in time so as not to be fired.

I retrace the road from the previous evening with my eyes glued to the asphalt.

With the hope of seeing my little earring shine.

A simple butterfly with wings studded with aquamarines.

Blue like his eyes.

That's enough.

I need to stop.

I arrive at the bar more disconsolate than ever.

I ask Jhon if he has seen it by chance but he replies in the negative.

But soon after he notices that I'm quite upset so he promises me that he would keep his eyes open and that he would ask the cleaning company if they noticed anything during their shift.

"Thanks Jhon.It would mean a lot to me"

"It's ok Lily, don't worry" he replies.

He may seem like a gruff and crazy type but he is absolutely not like that.

The classic appearance deceives.

6 feet tall, weighing almost 100kg, with both arms totally tattooed and long red hair.

I cannot deny that at first glance he incurs a certain fear.

But if you get to know him well he is a good and kind man.

Dedicated to his work and family.

His wife Mary and the twins Cassidy and Kayla.

I start with my job and fortunately it is Monday.

This means it will be a calm morning.

Just a few regular customers.

So I get lost in my thoughts.

Tonight's dream was incredible.

Starting with how Steve saved me from those three men to how he looked at me once we got to his house.

How he lingered on my wet blouse.

I remember having to squeeze my legs together, looking for a relief that would never come.

Not by the hand of him at least.

And the work shift passes like this, between memories and worries.

At the end of the shift, my head is full of too many images that only destabilize me more and more.

Mostly they are thoughts that portray me and Steve possibly naked.

And then still too many thoughts.

Too many questions.

No answers.

I run home.

After spending all day fantasizing about what might have happened if I didn't break the kiss.

I can't wait to take a cold shower and go to sleep.

I lie down on the bed still wet from the shower, wrapped in my soft bathrobe.

My mind now flies.

I go back to imagining Steve's tongue that sweet but firm enters my mouth.

My mouth that responds immediately by moving following his pace.

My hands that go down to the bottom hem of his shirt and then slip them underneath. My hands touching defined and tense muscles due to increasing excitement.

His hands move from my face to caress my breasts through the fabric of the t-shirts.

A moan leaves my lips as his mouth descends on my jaw and then leaves a trail of fire along my neck.

I feel his tongue lick the portion of skin between the neck and the collarbone.

Then go up to the ear, then bite it and whisper "Will you be a goodgirl for me tonight?"

I moan even louder.

And I also moan in reality.

I remove the edges of the bathrobe and begin to caress the inside of my thigh with the tips of my fingers.

Slowly I touch along my fold, already hot and wet.

I do up and down with my finger.

I bite my lip.

I guess Steve is doing it.

His fingers.

Carefully I push a finger into my center.

I shiver.

I begin to move it slowly, in and out.

Steve's eyes the only thing I see in front of me.

I insert a second finger and arch my back.

The bathrobe slips uncovering a breast, I grab it with my free hand and tickle the nipple.

Then I drop the hand until with the tips of my fingers I touch the clit.

I caress it and then pinch it.

I instinctively spread my legs even more.

Then I start massaging it, drawing circles with my fingertips while the other hand works from the inside.

Tapping every possible point until I find the right one.

I imagine Steve's face focused on giving me pleasure.

His eyes full of lust as he licks his fingers imbued with my sex moisture in a slow and excruciating way.

An orgasm overwhelms me.

Unexpectedly strong.

I try to catch my breath.

I turn on my side.

I don't believe what I just did.

At this rate, I will never get out of this situation.

And I honestly don't even know if I want to.

Satisfied, I fall asleep with a hint of a smile on my lips.

This time it is broad daylight and I am directly in front of Steve's apartment.

Perhaps with practice I am beginning to manage the situation better.

I knock.

I knock again but I don't get an answer.

Maybe he's at work.

But where exactly does a super hero work?

Does he have a secret place?

A cave?

Like Batman?

These absurd thoughts of mine are interrupted by a deep male voice behind me.

"Erm... sorry?Who are you?" he questions me.

I observe him.

Eyes blue as the dusk sky.

Unkempt beard and wild black locks of hair fall softly on his neck.

He has a black metal hand with gold veins.

"You are Bucky, right?"

It's him, Steve's best friend.

For a moment I can see confusion and surprise in his eyes.

The next moment he realizes.

His eyes harden.

I think he doesn't like me at all.

"You must be Lily.Then you really exist..."

If only he knew the truth.

"Petite and brunette.Now I understand why Steve has lost his mind" Bucky murmurs thoughtfully.

"Ok, this is groos"

I tell him blushing both for what he said and for the thought that I could be Steve's ideal woman.

"You shouldn't be his best friend?" I accuse him with an amused note in my voice.

His arrogance make me want to bother him.

"You know what?" he tells me getting closer and closer

"You can also have a nice clean face and use your long eyelashes to charm others.To charm Steve.But it doesn't work with me doll"

Now we are face to face.

He is also very tall, not as tall as Steve, but I am still forced to tilt my head back to be able to look him in the eye.

For a moment we stare into each other's eyes.

I would like to run away but I won't be intimidated by him.

He notices my change of attitude, he knows that I am challenging him.

And he accepts the challenge.

"Steve is my best friend and I will never let a girl take advantage of him.Of his goodness, of his big heart" he exclaims harshly.

"Especially from a girl who doesn't even deign to give him an explanation for his constant escapes.First from the bar, then from his house"

Ok this hurts.

But I soften my gaze.

The way he loves Steve shines through his every word and I can't hate him for that.

The way he loves him is pure.

I'm glad they are friends.

Yes I hurt Steve with my behavior, I know.

There is only one solution and I am here for that very reason.

"It's not what looks like Bucky. It's something more...complicated..."

I croak in a faint voice

"I would never hurt him intentionally!You have to believe me!"

I'm on the verge of tears.

He realizes it and seems to want to tell me something but I lose focus when I see Steve coming behind him.

But he's not alone, with him there is a beautiful woman.

Shit.

My gaze falls on my shoes.

Unable to look at him.

Bucky notices my reaction and softens his gaze.

There is a moment of awkward silence.

In my ears only the sound of my heartbeat and the echo of Bucky's words.

He is right I have to let him go.

The first to break the silence is the girl in the company of Steve.

Her crystalline voice make me look up at her.

"Ok Steve see you soon.Hi Bucky!"

"And hello to you too" she says, turning in my direction.

I observe her.

She is tall and thin.

Blond hair that falls in soft waves on her back, hazel eyes flecked with green.

The perfect woman for a man like Steve.

She is everything I am not.

I answer her with a hint of a shy smile.

Then I immediately bring my gaze back down.

I feel uncomfortable.

Out of place.

I hear Steve and Bucky greets her and then I can feel Steve's footsteps approaching me.

His shoes appear in my field of vision.

I feel his hand slipping through my hair, then gently grasping my neck and with a light pressure of the fingers he makes me tilt my head to the side.

I look up and meet his wonderful eyes.

He leans over me and leaves a very sweet kiss on my lips.

He takes my breath away.

I don't expected such a gesture.

Moreover in front of Bucky who is now looking at me with an indecipherable look.

"What are you doing here?Is everything okay?I didn't know you would come here or I would be back sooner.Have you been waiting a long time?"

Steve fills me with questions without even giving me time to answer.

My gaze moves back and forth between Steve and Bucky.

But I can't hold on for long.

I look down again.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Steve raise his other hand and then the sound of a snap.

I immediately look up and see Bucky rubbing the back of his neck cursing between his teeth.

"What did you tell her?Did you scare her?"

"No, I...we were just having a chat" Bucky stammers.

Steve holds me close to him and whispers "Forget him, he's just an old grumpy"

I look Bucky straight in the eyes,

wrapped in Steve's arm.

My instinct tells me to stick my tongue out but I don't want to be childish.

So I just stare at him with a raised eyebrow.

Bucky rolls his eyes.

Steve and I walk into his apartment.

Bucky refuses, he says that Sam is waiting for him for a beer.

"I wanted to ask you to join us but surely you have better things to do now" so saying Bucky winks at me.

I blush violently and he walks away laughing.

Son of bitch.

"Forgive him.Sometimes he's worse than a kid" Steve tells me, smiling and gesturing for me to follow him to the sofa.

I sit next to him but keeping a certain distance.

Which does not go unnoticed by him.

"What happens?" his voice veiled with concern

"Did Bucky say something to you?Because whatever it is..."

"Steve it's ok.Bucky has nothing to do with it.He didn't tell me anything.We just talk when you have arrived"

You arrived with her.

I would like to add but I bite my tongue.

It wouldn't make sense to set up a scene.

He looks at me intently.

"So what's bothering you honey?"

"Please don't call me that!"

I feel myself on the verge of tears.

I can not handle it anymore.

I jump on my feet and go to the door.

"Maybe it's better that I go.I made a mistake.I shouldn't be here"

I shouldn't be here, how much truth and how much pain in a handful of words.

Before even reaching the doorknob, his strong hand closes around my wrist.

"Please don't go.Talk to me" he begs me.

I narrow my eyes.

One tear escape.

"Whatever it is we will solve it together.You and me.Come with me, let's go for a walk.If after talking I still have not convinced you I will let you go.I promise you"

I nod, I can't deny it.

Outside the sun begins to go down.

We set out and observing the road I think I understand where we are headed.

We are heading for the Hudson bank.

It is a small green space.

Nice and quiet.

There is a man walking with his two pit bulls.

Two girls jogging.

They slow down as soon as they see Steve.

They devour him with their eyes and then they giggled among themselves.

He doesn't even seem to notice them.

On the other hand, I feel invisible.

We head to a bench, positioned right in front of the river.

We remain silent for a while to enjoy the view.

The only sounds that can be heard are the lapping of the waves and the sound of ferry boats making their way up and down on the surface of the water.

Now or never.

"Maybe it's better if we don't see each other again Steve"

This hurts as hell.

His stunned look hurts.

His is just a whisper.

"Why?Did I do something wrong?Don't...don't you like me enough?"

His conclusions are absurd.

How can he even think that?

"Are you kidding aren't you?I mean have you seen yourself?Can't you see how all women die behind you?I'm not enough"

I whisper

"Did you see me?" I whisper.

"Yes, I've seen you.I'm seeing you honey"

I smile bitterly.

"I think your type would be more of a beautiful blonde, thin, tall and self-confident.Maybe just like your beautiful neighbor.Don't you think?"

"Sharon is just a friend.Yes, we were together a long time ago but nothing important.We remained good friends and then we are also work colleagues"

Perfect.

His sexy blonde neighbor is an ex of him.

They are also colleagues.

Life sucks.

"Are you by any chance...jealous?"

A crooked smile appears on Steve's lips.

"Shut up Steve!Don't be stupid"

"You know I swore..."

"Steve please, you don't help me!"

"Don't help you with what Lily?" Steve explodes.

The anger in his voice.

His words are like a slap.

Steve POV

I didn't want to raise my voice.

The moment I saw her in front of my door I felt as if a thousand butterflies had taken flight in my stomach.

When I kissed her it felt so natural.

So right.

I feel like I'm home.

She is like home.

And now she are telling me that she don't want to see me anymore?

I'm sorry but this time she won't go away without giving me some answers.

She gets up and leans on the railing that runs along the shore.

"I promised I would let you go but I want an explanation.I deserve it, don't you think?"

I try to be as calm as possible.

I thought we were on the same page.

How can she give it all up so easily?

"Steve..." I feel she is about to cry but I don't stop.

If I insist now she will give up. I'm sure.

"Please just tell me the truth honey"

I use that nickname that I found natural to call her from the start.

Like honey that has stuck to my heart.

Difficult to send away.

She point her gaze into mine and I see her hesitating.

After that she sighs.

"This isn't real" she whispers.

I can't understand...

"You, this place, are only here"

and so saying she points to her forehead with a finger.

"You are just a dream, the fruit of my imagination"

I bursting out laughing, it's not a happy laugh.

"Look if you have someone else or if you are married just tell me.But please have respect for my intelligence"

She turns to the river and begins to cry.

"You know, I knew you wouldn't believe me"

"How could I?" I verbally attack her.

"Listen Steve I know you're angry and you think I'm a crazy liar but I'm telling you the truth!Why don't you understand?I'm trying to be totally honest with you!"

Flames dance in her eyes.

She's bringing out the grit.

Then she's not all that submissive.

I take a few steps away but she whirls around and she approaches hard-nosed.

She starts talking again.

"In the evening I go to bed at my house, in my reality.As soon as I fall asleep, I open my eyes again here in New York.

This is the first time this has happened to me.Don't you think that I didn't think that I was crazy?That's why I shouldn't see you anymore.Because you're not real and it kills me.I can't live like this!The other times I've been with you I didn't run away.I just woke up in my reality.In my bed"

It is the longest speech that I had ever heard her give.

Part of me wants to believe her, after all I have fought gods, monsters and aliens.

I shouldn't be surprised that another parallel reality can exist.

The thing that worries me is that she believes that this life, my life is fake.

Let it be imagination.

This means that she may not know who she is or where she comes from.

I see her legs are trembling, she is trying to go back to lean on the railing.

She is white as a ghost.

"Are you okay honey?Do you want me to call for help?"

"No it's okay.I'm just waking up on the other side"

I feel her start sobbing, her small and delicate hands go up my arms to hook behind my neck.

She crying.

My hands close behind her back, on her hips.

"I'm sorry Steve.I swear I would have spent my life with you if it had been possible."

It's not like that.

This is the real world.

I absolutely have to know where she comes from.

I have to be able to look for her.

She is real.

I can feel her here hugging me.

I feel her warm body, her heart beating madly.

I feel her tears wet my shirt.

How can this not be real?

She lifts her head.

Her eyes are red and puffy.

The tip of her nose all red.

Yet she continues to be the most beautiful thing my eyes have ever landed on.

She gets up on tiptoe and kisses me.

At first softly then all of a sudden with urgency.

The same urgency that I feel.

Our tongues touch and I lose my reason.

It's a kiss of teeth and tongues.

We devour each other's lips.

It is passionate and violent.

Full of unspoken words.

She bites my lower lip and then sucks it, I moaning desperately in her mouth.

It is again she who breaks away first.

Now his lips are swollen and red too.

She gives me another sweet kiss.

She takes my cheeks in her palms and kisses me again.

And again.

Slightly.

Gently.

Our lips barely touch.

Like sweet caresses.

She rests her forehead on mine.

We remain still, lost in our painful silence.

"Goodbye Steve.I'll never forget you"

In a fit of desperation I grab her hands by her wrists and kiss her palm.

Then every single finger.

"I'll find you Lily.Should it take my whole life I'll find you"

I kiss her again.

"I promise"

She smiles at me sadly and in doing so a slight blue glow envelops her and she disappears.

My arms are empty now.

They fall without force along my body.

Where she used to be, now there is nothing.

My chest hurts.

It is as if no matter how deeply I breathe I continually feel that I am suffocating.

So is this really the truth?

Will I really never see her again?

I look up to the sky.

"I'll find you honey.I'll find you.That's a promise"

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Taglist

🔥 Masterlist 🔥

@deansapplepie

#marvel #chrisevans #steve rogers #fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction recommendation #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x oc #captainamerica #captain america fanfiction #captain america x oc #astrallovers

[zodiyack]

Rude! (3,000+ Follower Fic Special 1/3)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Female!Hopper!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Billy stuff, lyrics, fluff

Song: Rude by Magic!

Words: 1,798

Summary: Billy's love for Hopper's daughter is too strong to be stopped by the tough Chief Jim Hopper. Despite being told "not in a thousand years", he plans to love her regardless.

Note: Thank you so so much! I love you all, and writing your ideas, as well as sharing mine with you, has been so fucking fun and amazing! I'm sorry for my lack of words, I wish being an author came in handy with writing this, however, all I can say is that I love you all from the bottom of my heart. I've seen people do shout-outs, and ask-related stuff with their follower things, and I may do that, I'm not sure. For now, I hope you enjoy this... Thank you all, again!

Also 1/3 means that there will be two other fics released for the 3,000+ follower present!

Taglist: @urie-bowie-mercury, @matth1w, @redspaceace-writes, @fandom-puff, @darling-i-read-it, @simonsbluee, @sebastianstanslefteyebrow, @dpaccione

Masterlist | Stranger Things Masterlist

"Saturday morning, jumped out of bed and put on my best suit. Got in my car and raced like a jet all the way to you. Knocked on your door with my heart in my hands, to ask you a question, 'cause I know that you're an old-fashioned man. Yeah."

Billy was freshly graduated, working as a lifeguard whilst his girlfriend worked her own job, both saving up for their chance to ditch Hawkins and move to California. Sweet Cali. Billy was excited to show the love of his life around the place he called home. Though, physically, he left the salty ocean and windy beach behind, the place never truly left him.

You could see it in his eyes. The waves crashing in his blue orbs. He swore the scent had just barely clung to his belongings; the smell of the tangy air that followed a majority of the state. Working at a pool was the closest he got to the memory of California. Chlorine was most certainly not the salted ocean waters, but with the circumstances, he decided it'd do.

The way his face lit up whenever he talked about his home...it made Y/n more and more excited to see it. His girlfriend had grown up in Hawkins, stayed there her whole life. Never once did the Hoppers leave Hawkins.

But the second that was introduced to Billy, he knew it had to change.

Although they were saving for a big move, Billy had...other things in mind with what to do with his first large pay-check (or series, rather. Working as a lifeguard didn't pay well with just one check). He began to work more shifts to make up for the money he'd spent, and one day after calling in for a day off, he decided to put his plan into action.

"Billy, stop messing with the tie."

"It's annoying." Hands slapped away his attempts of adjusting the black silk tie.

"Well it won't stop being annoying if you keep fucking it up."

For the first time in a long time, Neil Hargrove was calm. Not happy, not amused, not pissed off for some unjust reason- just calm. He wasn't wreaking havoc and he wasn't being an asshole to his son. Billy hadn't seen this side of his dad in quite some time, in fact, he thought something important was going on and he was about to fuck it all up. And then, Susan retreated to the living room with a camera and a freshly ironed suit.

"You're not putting me in that."

"And who asked for your opinion?" Neil deflected with a raised brow. One heavy sigh later and Billy was leaving the bathroom, dawning the whole black and white getup.

Susan clasped her hands over her mouth, a tear leaving her eye, "You look so handsome! Just like your dad!"

Billy rolled his eyes, "Great."

However, his careless attitude was swept under the rug when the blue Camaro pulled up to the police station, interrupting a clearly distressed Chief Hopper bickering with his daughter. Billy had to get himself together before stepping out of the car, jaw slack after seeing the beauty he got to call his date.

"Hello Mr-"

"Don't even try play nice with me, Hargrove. She's not going anywhere with you. End of story." Hopper kept his eyes trained on the blond, body tense like a snake preparing to strike it's prey.

Y/n grabbed Billy's arm, slowly directing him to the car, "And in the sequel, we find out I am going with Billy. End of that story."

"There is no 'sequel.' The writer got drunk and lazy." She paused, turning to face her father who stood tall, arms crossed and face unamused.

"So his daughter picked up where her father left off, and then the sequel was published and the two lived happily ever after, the end."

While her dad attempted to search for a line that would better hers and force her to stay, she pushed Billy toward the driver's side and slid into the car as fast as she could, rolling down the window as Billy started it up. "Bye! I'll be back before midnight!"

The two drove off toward the school, leaving behind a trail of dust and very, very, pissed off Hopper.

Prom was better than Billy thought it would be. He didn't want to go at first, but after Max found out and spoke to her mom about it (the little redhead a cupid-in-the-making), Neil pushed him to go (as he was "doing something else besides being a lazy-no-good rebel"). It was then that he called Y/n and asked if she'd be going.

The suit came in handy. Clashing with his rocker aesthetic, he put it back on once more. The once-annoying tie proved to be somewhat okay in the end.

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? Say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know. You say I'll never get your blessing "till the day I die, tough luck my friend, but the answer is no!"

Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too? Why you gotta be so rude? I'm gonna marry her anyway. Marry that girl, marry her anyway! Marry that girl, yeah, no matter what you say! Marry that girl, and we'll be a family! Why you gotta be so rude?

With a deep breath, he ran-over the conversation in his head once more. Like a script for an actor, he had thought of every possible outcome and every possible line for him to face it with. He almost chickened out as his fist rose to the door, but it was too late, for his knuckles rapped against it before he realized he was even knocking.

El opened the door, eyes wide when she saw the familiar mullet and button-down. "Papa..." She muttered as she backed away and out of view.

Hopper traded places with her, his lazy expression sobering up instantaneously, replaced with a grumpy scowl. "Hargrove."

"Mr. Hopper, sir."

"What are you doing on my front porch?"

He swallowed roughly, palms sweaty against his sides. "I was wondering if I could talk to you."

"You seem to be doing just that right now, Hargrove." Hop crossed his arms and clenched his jaw.

Well, this was certainly not something Billy had thought of. He was on panic mode internally, attempting to find any response that could save his hide and accomplish what he set out to do. Unfortunately, the word-vomit button seemed to be misplaced under the button labeled "help".

"I'd like to marry your daughter, sir."

Hop's eyes grew just as big in size as El's had when she opened the door. He choked on his own surprise, coughing it off, then glaring at the boy in front of him. "Over my dead body, Hargrove. If that's all, I'd strongly advise you to get off of my fucking porch while you're still alive."

I hate to do this, you leave no choice; can't live without her. Love me or hate me, we will be boys- standing at that alter. And we will fly away, to another galaxy, you know. You know she's in love with me, she will go anywhere I go-

"Billy, he's just stubborn."

"No, no, I don't think he likes me."

Y/n sighed, rubbing her boyfriend's back. He hadn't told her of his proposal plans, only that Hop seemed to have it out for him. "It'll take time, but he'll warm up to you!"

"It's been how many years since he's met me?"

"To be fair, your reputation wasn't doing you any good until now..."

"It's not like that was fucking obvious." He slouched further down in the front seat of his Camaro. To Billy, all hope was lost. If he couldn't get Hopper to give him his blessing, he was sure he'd lose his goddamned mind.

Y/n frowned. Her frown flipped around as an idea popped into her head, her lips finding Billy's knuckles and quirking his attention. "Even if he never likes you, I'm not going anywhere."

Billy laughed softly, "he'll fucking kill me if you go against him."

"Eh, that's only if he can catch us."

"You're out of your fucking mind, Y/n Hopper."

"I know."

The rest of the night was spent in the Camaro, of course, doing one of Billy's favorite pastimes. By the time the sun rose, Billy was sneaking a kiss to a giggling Y/n before dropping from her window in the cabin and running to his car, parked far enough that Hop or El wouldn't notice. He blew her one more kiss, which she pretended to catch, then he broke into a sprint.

Maybe, he thought, just maybe; there was still a chance.

His knuckles hit the door again, shifting on his feet nervously. It swung open to reveal Hopper, an unimpressed look bringing no surprise Billy's way. It was quite expected, honestly.

"What." His tone made it clear he wasn't up for fucking around.

"Mr. Hopper, if you just give me one chance to prove to you that-"

"No, no, no, no, no. Let me make it very clear to you that I want you to have nothing to do with my daughter whatsoever. No marriage, no friendship, I don't even approve of you guys fucking or whatever-"

"We're in a serious relationship, sir. It's nothing like you think it is."

This made Hop laugh. He continued to do so, holding his stomach, until he realized Billy was unamused. "Oh, you're serious?... My answer is still no, Hargrove. My answer will always be no. Go find someone else's daughter's heart to break. You're not hurting mine."

"It's not like-"

Before he could even get the words out, he was met with a door in his face. Turned down, again.

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? Say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know. You say I'll never get your blessing "till the day I die, tough luck my friend, 'cause the answer's still no!"

Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too? Why you gotta be so rude? I'm gonna marry her anyway. Marry that girl, marry her anyway! Marry that girl, yeah, no matter what you say! Marry that girl, and we'll be a family! Why you gotta be so rude, rude?

Again, again, and again, Billy incessantly pleaded with Hopper. Different tactics were all met with the same answer; rejection.

He held up a sign outside the cabin, only for Hopper to close the curtain and chuckle as he sipped his coffee.

He asked at the door again, only for Hop to threaten to give him a black eye (which was met with "aren't you the sheriff? Isn't that illegal?").

He raced past the police station, Max leaning out the window with another sign, only for Hop to threaten them with holding cells.

He even went as far as to ask Max and El to help, but Hopper had none of that, and sent Max home with a rant full of nos.

However, if Jim Hopper thought any of it would get it into Billy's head that getting his blessing was just not happening- he was as wrong as Nancy when she claimed not to have feelings for Jonathan.

Billy had another plan in mind, and this one was impossible to say no to.

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? Say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know. You say I'll never get your blessing "till the day I die, tough luck my friend- but no still means no!"

"Hopper." Billy stood before his desk, interrupting his nice date with a delicious doughnut, and earning a very annoyed glare. "I got Miss Byer's blessing. Aren't you two a thing?"

"You son of a-"

"I got Eleven's too."

"Hargrove, I'm gonna-"

"Before you cuss me out, I think you should know that I've got a stable job, an interview with a mechanic so I have a job when the pool closes for the winter, and I've got a house on the market I'm looking at. I'm devoted to your daughter and she's devoted to me. You may not like me, but I think you're a great dad, better than the one I was unfortunately stuck with. You raised a strong and amazing woman. She's incredible and I admit, she deserves better than me-"

"You don't have to say that twice." Hopper huffed, crossing his arms.

"I know she deserves so much better than me, I'm surprised she's even with me too. But she loves me, and I think you can see that. I love her too. I would never, in a million years, break her heart."

Jim stayed silent for a few minutes. The silence brought uneasiness to Billy, but that was intentional on Hopper's behalf. He finally piped up with a cough, clearing his throat, before his piercing eyes met Billy's blue orbs.

"I'll hold you to that, Hargrove."

Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too? Why you gotta be so rude? I'm gonna marry her anyway. Marry that girl, marry her anyway! Marry that girl, yeah, no matter what you say! Marry that girl, and we'll be a family! Why you gotta be so rude? Why you gotta be so rude?

Bonus:

(after the wedding)

"What was that about a no?" Billy quipped with his infamous smirk.

"You're lucky I'm sheriff, Hargrove."

Why you gotta be so rude?

#billy hargrove x reader #dacre montgomery #billy hargrove #dacre montgomery x reader #stranger things #x reader #all readers #imagine #reader insert #holy shit! #zodiyack #3000 followers #3000 follower special! #thank you guys! #i'm without words- that's how happy i am lmao #also sorry if this is shit writing #i'm still recovering #special #by recovering i mean getting back into the gist of things #stranger things x reader #stranger things imagine #x y/n #billy hargrove imagine #dacre montgomery imagine #x you #rude! #song fic #rude by magic

[mackenzielovee]

blurb 3 & 4 with rafe? maybe angsty but with a fluffy ending :) 💕

a/n: helloooo my love. I made this a little longer than I hoped but i hope you love it anyway. thank you for the request! <3

warnings: swearing, blood

my writing

none of your business - rafe cameron

Two o'clock in the morning.

That's what time Rafe Cameron decides to beat on the front door of the guest house, knowing he's going to wake you but not necessarily caring. You rub the sleep from your eyes and curse the floor for being so cold under your bare feet as you yank the door open, ready to kill whoever stood on the other end.

"Rafe," you groan when you see him. He notes your expression change when you take in his appearance.

His eyes are red all around, one of them starting to bruise underneath. You can see lines from tears that have since dried resting on his cheeks, which are now mixed with the blood seeping from the cuts on his face. Your eyes trail down his body to his ripped shirt and his bloody knuckles, making you sigh loudly. Your shoulders relax from their tense position as you know you can't be mad at him anymore.

"Are you gonna let me in, or?" he questions.

You've been staying with the Cameron's for a while now.  Since you've moved onto the property, you and Rafe haven't exactly been getting along. Which only adds to you confusion as to why he's come to you.

You sigh and hold the door open wider for him to enter, not necessarily inviting him inside. You watch as he looks at you emotionless, only for a second, before entering.

"Why are you here?" you ask as you follow him to the kitchen.

He starts opening and closing random cabinets, clearly not finding whatever it is he's looking for. He completely ignores you, which only adds to your annoyance.

"Rafe?" you grumble, staring at him so intently you could probably burn a hole in the side of his head.

He barely glances over at you, looking at you more as if you're a nuisance than a help.

"Do you not have, like, band-aids and shit?" he asks, digging through one of the drawers and then slamming it shut when it doesn't contain what he wants.

"In the bathroom."

He stands up straight and rolls his eyes, then finally looks over at you. He notes the sleepy look in your eyes and how cute you look in your little matching pajama set, paying extra attention to your little shorts lingering a little too high on your legs.

"Can you help me?" he asks, his voice a little softer than before.

You nod, surprised at his question, then point to your bathroom as if he doesn't know where it is. He walks in front of you and enters the bathroom first, pulling off his ripped and bloody shirt the second he enters. He throws it on the floor, not particularly caring where it lands. You sigh and he smirks, knowing he's achieved his goal of annoying the shit out of you every chance he gets.

You pull out your first-aid kit, ready to fix him up and stop the bleeding from his knuckles. You wet a washcloth and reach out, waiting on him to give you his hand.

"Sorry about the blood," he smirks as he lightly places his hand in yours.

You roll your eyes, "Consider this my rent payment for the month."

"Nah," he shakes his head.

"What even happened?" you ask, focusing on cleaning and not bothering to look up at him.

"None of your fucking business."

You sigh, reaching down and dabbing rubbing alcohol on your washcloth. You don't bother to warn Rafe before you press it to his open wounds on his knuckles.

"Fuck!" he swears, yanking his hand away, "Jesus."

"Sorry," you shrug absentmindedly.

You pretend not to notice his little sarcastic laugh as he figures out that you did it on purpose, then ignore the way he slaps his hand back in yours. You start cleaning again, but decide to be more gentle this time. Rafe takes a small step toward you, then another, making you look up at him. The look in his eyes is different - almost like he's up to something.

"You think that's funny?" he whispers, leaning his head down so he's level with you.

"I didn't mean to," you swallow, completely intoxicated with his scent as it wafts over you.

He brings his good hand up to tip your chin so you're looking up at him now. You've never found Rafe attractive, but something about how his voice got low and raspy, the way he smells, and the fact that you're exhausted have you completely wrapped around his finger.

"Mhm," he hums, smirking slightly, "How about.."

He trails off, bringing his head back down to you again. Just as your lips are about to touch, he speaks again.

"How about you fucking clean me up, or I'll make sure you're out of here permanently by tomorrow."

You pull away from him quickly, ducking your head to hide your rosy cheeks from him. He laughs, but can't help but feel bad when he sees how embarrassed you are. He sets his other hand on the counter, then lifts it up again, leaving blood on your white countertops.

"You're getting blood everywhere," you say quietly, still trying to shake off what had just happened.

"I said I was fucking sorry, sweetheart," his voice is raspy again, making you weak at the knees.

You finish cleaning him up in silence, trying to pretend like he hadn't really gotten to you. By the end of it, Rafe really feels guilty, but he's not sure how to fix it. He really had no idea you'd even let him go that far.

"There," you say when you're done, "You know the way out."

You start to leave the bathroom, gasping when Rafe grabs onto your wrist and spins you back around to face him. His expression holds the same one it did when he asked you to help him clean up - soft and sweet.

"Hey," he says quietly, "I'm sorry about before. I was just messing with you."

You shrug, pretending like it didn't bother you. He groans internally, mad that you're making him work for it.

"Do you think," he pauses, slowly bringing his hand down to your own, "I could stay the night? Dad will kick my ass if he sees."

You want to point out that his wounds won't heal overnight, but you also don't really want him to leave. Something about him staying the night excites you.

"Couch is free," you shrug again.

He tugs you even closer to him, using his had hand to reach up and stroke the skin on your cheek. You stop breathing, you swear you do, as he touches you. His skin feels hot against your own.

"I don't sleep on couches," he says quietly, leaning down and pressing his lips to your jaw.

You moan lightly at the feeling, trying to remember how to breathe.

"Rafe."

"Hmm?"

"Rafe."

"What, princess?" he laughs lightly as he pulls his lips off you to see what you need.

"What are you doing?" you finally ask, still feeling like you're on fire.

"Isn't it obvious?" he asks, and when you just stare, he continues, "I'm just trying to get into your bed."

Your heart sinks as you sigh and try to pull out of his grip. He laughs lightly, tightening around your hand.

"No. No, baby. I'm joking. I'm just kidding."

You huff and turn back to him, but refuse to look him in the eye. You really can't tell with him anymore.

"Honestly?" he says after a minute, his voice soft once again, "I really just want to cuddle with you."

You finally allow yourself to look up at him, trying to determine if he's serious. He looks different, more vulnerable than usual. He can tell by the look on your face that you really don't want to play games with him anymore, so to show you he's serious, he leans down and presses his lips to yours.

He tastes salty, probably a result of the tears that fell down his face earlier. You sink into the kiss and swear you could do it forever just as he pulls away.

"Please?"

"Yeah, okay," you nod, watching him smile victoriously.

He leads you to your bedroom, the one you had been alone in only half an hour ago, and only releases your hand to remove his jeans. He throws them on the floor and crawls under your covers, holding his arms open for you.

You sink in beside him and you two quickly mold into one another. The fit is perfect. His arm around you, your head on his chest, other hand stroking gently through your hair.

"I've been thinking about this for a while," he admits.

"Really?"

"Yeah," he says, then after a minute, "Stay here as long as you want. It's nice having you here."

You smile against his chest. After a few minutes, you feel him stop the stroking of your hair, then soft snores coming from above you. You fall asleep only a few minutes after him, way more content with him than you had been sleeping alone.

blurb list here! please send requests to my ask box!

#drew starkey #rafe cameron imagine #rafe x y/n #rafe #rafe fanfiction #rafe imagine #rafe outer banks #rafe obx #rafe cameron #rafe fic #rafe x reader #outerbanks rafe #obx rafe #rafe x you

[angelguk]

→ on my mind 02 — a jeongguk scenario

member: jeon jungkook

word count: 25.6k

genre: domestic!au + established relationship + fluff + smut + mild angst

warnings: slow build / oral sex (f & m receiving) / multiple smut scenes / over-stimulation / breeding kink / creampies / mentions of infertility / pregnancy is a central part of the story line / pregnancy sex / jeongguk just wants to be a good dad / i am so sorry if the editing is not up to par i tried my best / mild possessiveness / mentions of misogyny and an asshole manager

soundtracks: (they long to be) close to you, carpenters + to you, yoona & lee sang soon + someone’s shining, wisue + who knew, chloe x halle, + but i’m trying to tell you how much i love you, saevom + pretend, lee aram + when the wind blows, yoona + meet me in amsterdam, rini + she, jannabi

special thanks to: @gukkheaven for seeing the baby version of this fic <3 / @a-life-thats-next-to-normal for sharing some much needed baby info with me!

header credit @dee-ehn <3

read the first part here

The first time you buy a test, you don’t tell him.

It’s a Thursday afternoon and you arrive home first. Jeongguk had texted you that he would be late today because Namjoon needed him to work overtime on a file that was due. You had taken the rare opportunity to scurry to your local chemist and purchase a handful of pregnancy tests. You’d dumped the pink boxes on the counter, trying in vain to avoid the blatant stare of the cashier as she packaged them into a small black bag. The trek back home nerve-racking. Your heart pounding painfully against your chest, the scruff of your sneakers against the pavement the only accompaniment to the tension you felt weighing over your body. It was only when you had passed a playground, eyes skimming over the hordes of children joyously dandling from monkey bars and slipping down sliders with wide grins on their faces, did your heart momentarily calm down. Lulled by the sound of their laughter until your pulse was relaxed once more.

You could do this — it’s just a test.

The apartment is eerily silent when you click the door closed behind you. You heel your shoes off, sliding your feet into the downy slippers Jeongguk had picked up for you a while back. You dump the bag on the dining table, hands shaking as you dig for your phone in your bag. Your fingers tap on the familiar pink app on your screen and you read the text that you’ve been subtly denying for the past week. Your period is late. Sometimes you miss a day or two but a whole nine days had passed and mother nature hadn’t sent you the usual reminder that indicated that you were not with child.

For some reason, the words sent a thrill through your body. It wasn’t like you were taking precautions to avoid pregnancy - quite the opposite. Ever since Jeongguk had admitted his secret wish to you, you’d both taken every opportunity to make sure you’d get knocked up. Most of the apartment had been rechristened during those activities, particularly the couch. The moment you’d told him you wouldn’t mind carrying his child a spark of desire had reignited in Jeongguk that you hadn’t seen since you started dating five years ago.

But for some reason, nothing was working the way you’d expected it to be. With Jeongguk’s new robust sex drive, you expected to be pregnant within a month tops. Yet, your period appeared each month without fail and it hurt to see the doubt creep onto his face every time he brought you a hot water bottle to lessen the cramps wreaking havoc in your stomach. For a while, you thought you were infertile. You considered taking up the issue with your doctor but it was hard to acknowledge that you may be. That either of you may be. Not when both of you wanted this so bad.

The fact that your period had been missing for a significant amount of time in your perspective was both thrilling and alarming at the same time.

When you finally pick up one of the pregnancy tests, you take your time, reading over the instructions. Three times exactly. One-line means not pregnant, two lines indicate that you are. Not hard, right?

In the bathroom, you struggle to pee. Your hand is trembling as you hold the collection cup and your flow is unsteady despite the two bottles of water you’d chugged on the train ride home once Jeongguk told you he’d be late. Things work out, regardless of your nerves.

Once everything is done, your hands are clean and the two pregnancy tests you’d unwrapped are sitting flat on the counter of your bathroom, you fiddle with the timer app on your phone, setting it to five minutes.

Those are the longest five minutes of your life.

You leave the bathroom, unable to look before the set time, your bottom lip caught between your teeth. You can’t sit, so you pace around, slippers slapping the hardwood floorboards as you try to attempt to calm yourself down but fail miserably at it because the clock hanging in the living room is ticking too loud; it echoes in your head matching the beats of the seconds you’re mentally counting down. Outside of your apartment, someone’s shouting a passing greeting across the street, there’s the tickle of a bike bell and a gruff woof echoing from the throat of a dog. The sounds of life outside the panic bubble you’re currently in draws you to the window. You pad over, lean down to rest your elbows against the sill as your eyes take in the sight of the evening sun dipping behind the silhouettes of buildings. The sky bleeds orange and red, bright fuchsia pink and cornflower blue trailing behind their wake like silage. The view is partially obscured by murky grey clouds but beyond them, you can still spot the lavender tone the two colours create when they flux into each other.

The sight slows down your heartbeat, a sense of tranquillity washing over your body as if you’d been dipped into the ocean. It reminds you of the sea view both of you had left behind when you’d moved to Seoul four years ago. You can’t help but slip into a reverie, nose full of the ghost-like remnants of salty air, the sand you’d played in as a child a phantom caressing the soles of your feet. The sunsets in Busan were better but Seoul is where Jeongguk and you had crafted life together, even if you sometimes wished you had never left your hometown at all.

The alarm going off in the bathroom yanks you right back into your quaint little apartment. You take a deep breath and then rise. Your knees wobble as you walk to the bathroom, a sheen of sweat building in the palms of your hands. The sudden urge to just get this over with steadies your steps until you’re standing before the counter again, staring at your reflection in the mirror. There are dark bags underneath your eyes and your face carries the worries of the day. You look worn and you feel it too. Coupled with the extra pressure of trying and failing to get pregnant, there’s so much on your back right now it feels as if it’s bent over. You sigh, eyes still refusing to falter and look downwards at the results on your counter.

It takes you a moment to gather the courage to pluck up the first test.

Your breath is trapped in your throat and your eyes suddenly feel hot and wet. Your vision blurs up and your hands are shaking but even despite the tears falling down your cheeks, you can see the results.

It’s one line. Negative.

The other one reads the same and all you can do is try to remember how to breathe as you roughly wipe away your tears. Your hands are trembling as you wrap up and dispose of the two tests, shoving them into the trash before you pile more tissue on top of it, wishing you could hide from the shame you feel too. The black bag with the other tests gets tucked behind your pads in the cupboard. Jeongguk won’t question that, so it's the safest place to store it.

You head to the shower next, allowing the rushing water to sweep away the dried tear stains on your face, hoping it erases the crushing feeling of disappointment sitting on your chest too. But it doesn’t and even as you move around the kitchen to make dinner, your actions seem slow, languid in a bad way, held down by the fact that no matter what you can’t seem to get pregnant.

Jeongguk knows right away something is off.

He came home late as he said he would, pressed a kiss to your cheek and muttered a small greeting before heading to the shower. When he emerged once more in grey sweats and a worn white t-shirt, he’d plopped himself down at the dining table, gave you a quiet once over and then opened his mouth to gently say, “Your eyes are red.”

“Bad day at work,” you lie, placing a bowl of rice before him.

“Seungmin?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

You fall into a silence that should be comfortable but it isn’t. Every time you glance up Jeongguk is staring at you with a worried expression that makes your heart heavy. Even between bites of food, you can see his brain working, mulling over a way to make you feel better. Which sucks because Jeongguk shouldn’t be worrying about insignificant issues like this. He had a lot on his plate anyway. His extra hours at the office were taking a gradual toll on him. His eyes seemed hollower and he’d had to skip a couple of gym sessions so he didn’t even have his usual outlet for stress. There was a vein surfacing on his forehead and it pulsed every time he was thinking too hard about something. Like it was now. It hurt even more when you knew Jeongguk was putting all this stress on himself because he wanted to find a bigger place for his future family. The spare room you owned had long since been converted into his game room and he wasn’t about to give up that little luxury just yet. He was only taking on more responsibilities at the office because he believed that his future children deserve a place to run, play games, to just be a child. The image of the two negative tests linger before your vision and your heart breaks a little more because it feels like Jeongguk is working hard for something that’ll never become a reality.

He cleans up while you take your place on the couch. Even with the drone of the drama on the television and the clinking of dishes as Jeongguk washes up fills your apartment, you still can’t settle in and shake off the cloud that’s hanging above your head. When he does join you, Jeongguk lugs over the soft black blanket you’d whisked from Yoongi’s apartment, carrying his favourite bar of chocolate in his hands.

He shoves it in your direction, planting a soft kiss on your forehead. “Here, take this.”

“Why? It’s yours.” But you clasp your fingers around the plastic wrapping, the warmth of his lips against your skin ebbing through you.

He shrugs, shifting against you so that your legs are thrown over his and the blanket covers both of your bodies. Beneath it, his large warm hand searches for yours, latching around your fingers and giving them a gentle squeeze. “Take it. You said you had a bad day and chocolate always makes you feel better, doesn’t it?”

The corners of your mouth are lifting upwards as you tear the package open. It's mint flavoured. Jeongguk always had an affinity towards sweet mint flavoured things, and the chocolate melts on your tongue with ease. Slowly, the tension within you abates, your mind vaguely focusing on the screen before you, Jeongguk’s warm firm body burning beside you. You melt into him, breaking off pieces of chocolate and nudging them against his mouth until he parts his lips and allows you to drop them inside. His tongue trails against your fingertips despite the ‘gross’ you mutter into the evening air. All he does is laugh and pull you closer, brushing another swift kiss on your cheek. You settle against him, resting your head against the curve of his shoulder before the drama takes your attention. One of the characters had made a joke and the rise of Jeongguk’s chest beneath your head as he laughs calms you down so much that you can’t help but laugh too.

The evening winds down in this manner. Jeongguk unknowingly melting away the tension that had built up within you with each soft smile and laugh that he gives you as he talks about his day over the voices of the actors on screen. You listen intently, hoping you can take away some of his stress too until you’re struggling to keep your eyes open. He gently shakes you awake, taking your hand to guide you into bed where you promptly collapse between the sheets. You can hear his footsteps as he moves around, checking the doors and switching the lights off, but your mind feels foggy and your eyes are heavy.

When he settles in beside you, shirtless and having tucked away from the semi you don’t know he’s sporting, your breaths are slow and slumber is slipping over you. His arm finds its way over your waist and his chest is plastered against your back. You’re about to fall asleep, the dark deep wonders of rest right on the edge of your vision but you’re wiggling around, slotting the curve of your ass against Jeongguk’s crotch and that’s when you instantly wake up.

His erection is nudging against your ass and you can tell he’s still awake from the rise and fall of his chest behind you. He thinks you’re still sleeping because he doesn’t say anything, just trails a finger against the curve of your hips. The touch warms you even through the fabric of your pyjamas. But you’re suddenly on edge again, the negative tests flashing before your eyes. You were going to book an appointment with the doctor soon but would it hurt to try one more time before you did so? It really wouldn’t.

You wiggle against him harder, the growing curve of his cock against you eliciting a rush of slick from your cunt. When you grind into him, Jeongguk groans, a low rumble that slips from his throat. The grip on your hip draws taut. He knows you’re awake.

“If you keep doing that, we’re going to have a problem.”

You grin, hips still pushing backwards. “What if I’m willing to solve it?”

“I wouldn’t let you.”

You halt, ass still pressed against his crotch, the smile falling from your face and your arousal rapidly dissipating. Jeongguk’s pulling away before you can say anything, rising on his elbows so that he can look at you.

“I know Seungmin isn’t the reason why you were sad today. I saw the test boxes in the bathroom.”

It’s so quiet that you can hear the rush of blood filling your head. The tears you’d thought you’d run out of, reappear instantly, dripping down your cheeks. He wipes them away with a forlorn smile before shifting to wrap you in his warm arms. Your chest shudders with every breath you take but Jeongguk holds you together, whispering words of comfort against your ear.

“It’s okay, baby, it’s okay.” He holds you a little tighter when you start to hiccup against the crook of his neck, rubbing a large hand against your back.

When you finally calm down, you pull away, cheeks wet, to find that Jeongguk’s own eyes are tinged red too.

“Were they negative?” You nod, still, a little bit choked up. But then he smiles and moves to press a tepid kiss between your eyebrows. “Stop stressing. It’ll happen when it happens.”

“Getting pregnant shouldn’t be this hard. All I have to do is open my legs.”

“Hey,” He pats your damp cheek in chastisement. “Stop talking like that. You don’t have control over your body. Don’t blame yourself for things you can’t help. For all we know, this could be my fault.”

“It’s nobody’s fault.” You mutter. “I just - we’ve been trying for three months now and I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“We could go get checked. Both of us.” He’s pulling you closer again. “Don’t blame yourself, baby. Please.”

“I’m trying not to,” you whisper back, falling back into the comfort of his body. Jeongguk is like a pillar of strength for you, particularly when you feel like you have none left within you. And right now you don’t. But he holds you up, his hands caressing your skin softly, pushing off the worries that plague. You fall asleep like this, eyes crusty from crying and Jeongguk’s loving gaze watching over your features.

The next day, you book an appointment and try to ignore the nervous thoughts gnawing at your conscience.

Your period comes three days later and all that does is build on to the new feeling of resentment that you were developing against your uterus.

Jeongguk buys you your favourite chocolate, keeps your supply of hot water bottles going, cook’s dinner and tells you to stop worrying.

→

The late August afternoon sun warms your back as your drag Taehyung through the lake. You’ve got your arms wrapped around his neck in a playful choke-hold and despite his wild thrushes you manage to dunk him into the tepid lake water — retribution for what he did to you earlier. He’d shoved you right into the lake from atop some boulders, leaving you shocked and with water filling your nose for most of the afternoon. Somewhere in the background, you can hear Seokjin screaming at his twins because they’re copying your actions on each other and Jimin is hiding Bora from the two homicides about to take place in broad daylight.

You let go of Taehyung when he elbows you roughly and watch him rise to the surface, face tinged rose, but a good-natured boxy grin plastered on his features.

“If Jeongguk wouldn’t be able to beat my ass, I would end you Y/N,” he says.

You roll your eyes, playfully punching his arm. “Sure you would.”

Taehyung’s grin broadens. “I’m tempted to prove you wrong but you should get the boys before they murder each other.” He says before shaking his head. The droplets that fly from his mane obscure your vision so you twist around, waddling through the water, just in time to catch Minho body slam Minjoon into the water.

“Minho! You’re going to kill your brother!” Seokjin sounds beyond distressed, so on his behalf, you swim further into the water, and pull the two boys apart only to find them grinning wickedly at each other. They had just turned five and had reached the age where morbid violence was amusing instead of alarming.

“Boys, can we find something else to play instead? You’re going to send your father to an early grave.”

“What’s a grave?” Minjoon inquires, clinging to your waist as you haul them back to shore. Taehyung’s already out, meandering back to the cabins that belonged to Jimin’s affluent family. It was his idea to have a quick weekend getaway at the lake. He insisted that the kids needed to go out and play in the wild but he wanted to get everyone out of the house. The stress from work and studies were taking a huge toll on the relations within your group. You’d seen Yoongi and Namjoon argue for the first time in a while and it had been over whether Marvel was right in killing off Tony Stark. Yoongi had nearly thrown a plate at Namjoon’s head when he insisted that Tony deserved to die. That alone instantly made you agree to Jimin’s plan. You had to pack for Jeongguk too since he was swamped with work, another reason why everyone needed this mini vacation.

The man in question is nursing a beer by the grill, a languid grin on his face as he chats with Namjoon. The smile on his lips sends a rush of affection flooding through your heart because you hadn’t seen it for a while now. What with your uterus refusing to do its duty and the workload he was dealing with; you were glad he was taking a break now. He deserved it.

“A grave is where people go and sleep for a very long time,” You carefully respond, running a hand through Minho’s wet hair. They both have Seokjin’s bright eyes and the curiosity within them slightly unnerves you. “You should go ask your dad, he can explain it better.”

They shot off at that, sprinting to their father who’d given you a grateful smile when you’d dragged them out alive. Unfortunately, he was now trying to feed his third son Chansook, who was a stubborn eater according to his wife Seoyeon and coupled with the insistent pestering from the boys you could see him slowly going mad.

Instead of helping, as you should, to diffuse the situation, you head towards the kitchen, snatching up an oversized t-shirt on the way there. Seoyeon’s dashing from place to place, checking pots and pans with the help of Jimin’s wife Bora and Namjoon’s wife Eunbi. Yoongi and Hoseok take it upon themselves to cook the near twelve-packs of ramen needed to feed all the mouths present. You leave them to it, aware that Yoongi makes his ramen in a specific manner and you’d rather stay away than help him in case you ruined it. Seoyeon shoves a chopping board and some vegetables in your direction which you gladly take, settling beside Soomi.

“Is Bora outside?” She asks, slicing up a melon.

“Jimin’s got her. She’s fine.”

“Surprised she hasn’t cried yet. She hates being away from home for long periods.”

“Three days isn’t long,” You comment.

“It is in her world,” Soomi remarks, her laugh gentle. You glance at her, taking in the new wrinkles on her face due to being a mother and working at the same time. You don’t know how she handles it, especially because Soomi inherited her father’s dramatic and clingy traits. But even despite the stress, there’s a soft smile on her lips. You know she’s thinking about her child. The whole concept of infinite love that a mother possessed for her children was still lost upon you. You loved Jeongguk to the Sun and back but the love lingering on Soomi’s face at the simple thought of her baby was entirely different. Some part of you longed to know what that felt like.

“Can I ask a question?” You carefully pose, slicing the radishes Seoyeon handed you earlier.

“Go ahead.”

“How long did it take for you and Jimin to conceive?”

“With his stamina,” she scoffs, “Not long at all. I was pregnant by the end of our honeymoon. Why are you asking?” Her eyes are on you, shining with curiosity eerily similar to the twins’ gaze.

“No particular reason. Just curious.”

“Are you pregnant?” Her blatant question has your cheeks heated and you pray the rest of the occupants in the kitchen didn’t catch what she said.

“No,” you hastily reply. “I’m not. But we are trying.”

“Oh.” Soomi’s staring at you with a gaze you can’t decipher. “You don’t want to get married first?”

“We talked about that. We’re in no rush for marriage. We’re both it for each other as far as we’re concerned and a piece of paper won’t change how we feel about it. So we’ll skip out on marriage for the time being. Our parents know how we feel about marriage too. Even if they don’t exactly agree, it’s our relationship.” You make your tone firm on purpose. This question has been posed to you too many times, so the defence in your words is natural. But the look Soomi gives you is sharp enough to crack through the thin glass that constructs your resolve. Her gaze isn’t mean, but there’s a clear judgement in her eyes. She pauses, a gentle sigh slipping from her lips before she slowly opens her mouth.

“If that’s what you want, then do it. But I have to warn you, kids do shake up the picture quite a lot. Soomi taught me so much about Jimin already, things I would never have known about him. Some of them I didn’t like and others I loved and I bet she’s shown Jimin things about me that I never knew too. It’s a lot to have a kid and you need to make sure your relationship can handle the extra stress and responsibility you’re about to put on it.” She’s not looking at you, instead focusing on tying up her dark locks in a neat bun, but her last words linger in your head. “Don’t do something that might push you further away from each other. You love Jeongguk, but will you love him as a father when he messes up? Because he will. You’ll mess up a lot too. Parenting is one big learning curve that never stops curving. Even if you feel ready, Y/N, your relationship might not be.”

You move to interrupt her, a rebuttal resting on your tongue. But Soomi halts it, shooting you a glance that makes your heart halt.

“Have you thought about the pregnancy too? How your body will change? The mood swings, the morning sickness? How crappy you are going to feel? And for nine months too. That’s a lengthy time. Even with Soomi I was counting down the days until I hit the next week. I wanted it over and done with so bad if I’m being honest with you. Every pregnancy is different; I understand that — you might even be lucky and have a great one. But most aren’t a walk in the park. It’s a big commitment to make, with a lot of serious risks. Not that I want you to reconsider your choice, I just think you really need to think it through. Weigh the reasons you want this. You may want a kid right now but are you in the space to have one in nine months? That’s just something to keep in mind, Y/N. It’s not an easy thing, pregnancy or parenting.” She’s staring at you hard now, gaze earnest. “I just want you to consider that. You should talk to Jeongguk about it.”

You mumble a noise of agreement, your heart suddenly heavy in your chest. There’s a numbness that creeps from there, in the pit of darkness that now consumes the light that had once resided within you. You cut the ingredients they had you absentmindedly, Soomi’s words ringing in your head.

Even when dinner is set, memories and laughter have been cast across the table and everyone’s had their fill, you’re still mulling over Soomi’s advice. She was right, you hadn’t thought about the toll a child would take on the connection between you and Jeongguk. Or on you. You’d only focused on the happy little moments that would await you as new parents instead of the rough, ugly parts of the journey. There was a sudden panic gripping your soul instead of the familiar warmth you’d become accustomed to when you thought about having a child. Jeongguk had sensed there was something off with you too, because when you climbed into the sheets that night he’d wrapped you in a tight embrace, carefully resting your head upon his upper arm.

“Care to share what’s on your mind?” His voice is a whisper in the dead of the night, breath warming your forehead.

“It's nothing really. Just thinking about… the whole pregnancy thing?”

His body tenses. “Oh... The doctor said we’re fine though. Both healthy and fertile. It’ll happen when it happens.”

“No. Not that,” you retort, twisting in his arms. You tear yourself away, rising upright, the blanket falling from your bare shoulders. Jeongguk stares at you, eyes wide open and full of alarm. “Jeongguk.” There’s a tremor in your voice. “Do you — do you really think we’re ready for kids? I still work under a shitty manager. We live in a small apartment. You’re — you’re working so hard it’s practically killing you. We’re not even married—”

“Quit your job.” He says it firmly, rising up beside you. There’s a fire in his eyes that riles you further into the panic that’s overwhelming you.

“What are you even suggesting? I quit my job? So what? You can continue working yourself to the bone? Are you even thinking?”

“I am!” He slams back. “You hate your job, so quit! You’re talented and skilled and you deserve to work at a company that appreciates you! And where is this coming from? You don’t want to have kids anymore?” His voice faltering at the end, pandering out into the air that’s filled with tension.

“No. I — I want to Jeongguk. I just don’t know if this is the right time. There’s so much that’s not settled, we shouldn’t be straining ourselves any further.” Your throat is thick and your head is hot, unshed tears brimming within your eyes. He reaches out for your hand, rough large palms enclosing your own. You can’t look at him, staring hard at the wall instead, trying to swallow your sadness. “Maybe I’m not getting pregnant for a reason.”

“Don’t say that.” His voice cracks. “If you want to wait, that’s fine. Just know that you’re the only person I ever want to take that step with. Whether we’re married or not. I love you. I love you so much. I don’t want you to be sad about something that’s meant to make you happy. We can stop trying.” There’s a hand on your cheek, his thumb wiping away the hot tears that you weren't even aware of. When you finally look up, there’s pain glimmering behind his brown eyes and it shatters your heart into thousands of little shards.

He holds you as you cry, rocking your huddled figure lightly. His shirt is drenched in your sorrow, a growing wet stain spreading over his chest. There are hiccups stuck in your throat when you finally draw away, eyes hot and puffy. There’s matching wet stains on his own red cheeks. You brush them away, staring into his red eyes, hoping he can feel how sorry you are for giving him hope that his deepest desire could come true and then snatching it right back,

When he kisses you, there’s silent tears still streaming down your cheeks. It’s slow, gentle. The words that are stuck in his throat are communicated through this kiss. Like he needs you to know it’s okay. Your worries are valid and even though he’s hurt, he still loves you. Still needs you. And you kiss him back with the same intent, your heart aching in your chest because Jeongguk had been so happy when you’d agreed to start a family with him. A life that wasn’t just about the two of you as individuals, it would have been about the two of you as one. But that’s no longer a reality, merely a castle in the sky now.

The pillow is soft beneath the dip of your head. Jeongguk’s above you and you hold onto him like you’re afraid you might lose him, your mouths still attached. You’re terrified this might push him away, that he might find someone else that can give him what he really wants. Someone who will trust his intentions instead of doubting him.

He pulls away, eyes glossy, a look in them that tells you he can feel the fear in your kiss, the desperation to keep him closer. “I’m here.” His voice is thick, still heavy with heartbreak. “You’ve got me. I’m not going anywhere.”

The urge to prove that makes your fingertips twitch. You’re yanking at the hem of his shirt, your heartbeat pulsing in your throat. It comes off immediately, followed by his shorts and your own t-shirt. He’s not hard but there’s a sizable bulge nudging against your clothed core. You pull him down, revelling in the way he caves you in, and kiss him until he’s grinding himself against you, little gasps spilling from his swollen lips. Your fingers are tangled in his long hair and even though you’re hurting your heart settles. This is yours. No matter what happens, this belongs to you.

Jeongguk must feel the same because he’s coaxing a dark bruise on your neck, the need to display his love for you making his tongue swoop across your sensitive skin, teeth nipping when a rush of desire slithers down his back. His hips move harder now and he’s leaking in his boxers, the damp stain of the fabric matching the one on your panties. The air still feels heavy, but your joined pants now fill it. There’s a hand on your hip, pinning you down to the bed and at some point Jeongguk had kicked the sheets to the floor. You’re at his mercy, taking the rough grind of his crotch against your own. There’s a sting on your clit from the material rubbing you the wrong way, so you gently push him off, slipping off your underwear. The cool air hits your slick folds, making you feel more exposed and vulnerable than you’ve ever felt before. He doesn’t say anything, just slips down your body, draping your legs over his shoulder, his warmth breath grazing your thighs.

The first lick of his tongue against you has your toes curling. You watch him spread you apart, firm tongue dipping into hole, toying with it before sliding back up to your clit. When his lips latch onto it, sucking it hard, your back lurches off the bed. The noises that fall from your mouth spur him on, tongue moving quickly now, alternating between precise quick licks and slower ones, tongue spread against your pussy. You take it, staring at him as he devours you. The usual fire you’d become accustomed to during sex doused from his eyes, the brown softer now, almost calm. But there’s an urgency in the way he eats you out, your slick coating his lips, as his tongue flicks against your clit.

It’s hard not to grind against his face, but you’re still holding yourself back, despite the rush of pleasure that’s creeping into every muscle, every nerve and piling in your gut. When his tongue swirls around your clit, before dragging down your folds and dips inside you hard, that resolve you were desperately clinging on snaps. You roll your hips against his mouth, back arched and your head pushing into the pillows. The knot in your gut is tight. You’re close, eyes closing involuntarily and your thighs twitching under the firm grasp of his hands. Jeongguk can tell because his tongue is against your clit once more, flicking hard, coaxing the orgasm out of you. You want to push his head away, the need to snap your legs closed making your thighs tense but he doesn’t care, fucking your clit with his mouth until you unravel beneath him.

It hits you slowly and then all at once. A build-up that has your squirming beneath him, trying to get away, then your muscles lock. Mouth wide open and words falling from your throat that you can’t decipher because there’s blood rushing in your ears. Your walls clench around nothing and you wish he’d slipped in a finger or two but then you glance down, Jeongguk still lapping at your pussy with vigour, his eyes on you and your whole body just dissolves. Your bones feel like they’re melting into each other, eyelids heavy but you force them open and lock them onto his. When you finally muster the strength, you push his head away and drag him up to you, slotting your lips together. He tastes like you, and you’re fully aware of his erection, the bulge grazing against your sensitive nub.

He cups one of your breasts as you kiss, his thumb brushing against your hard nipple. You jolt, a sudden rush of wetness gushing from your cunt. Your hands trail down his body without thought, gingerly digging into the band of his boxers but then he’s pulling away, mouth latching onto your nipple and your brain short wires for a second. The drag of his tongue against your chest makes your gut feel strange, another knot settling despite the orgasm you had moments ago.

He comes up, mouth shiny with your slick and your chest heaving beneath him as he stares at you in a way that makes your heart seize. “I love you too.” It hits you then, what you’d been repeating when he was going down on you. You said you loved him. And it’s true - you do. You love him so much it hurts sometimes. It’s the most overwhelming, intense emotion you’d ever felt. It makes your heart feel like it’s going to explode sometimes. And even though you’re not sure you can give Jeongguk what he wants anymore, those words lessen the worry and guilt you feel. He loves you. That’s all that matters.

His boxers find their way to the ground when your lips latch onto each other again and then he’s guiding himself into you, groaning against your mouth as you squeeze down on him. It’s slow, his hips rising and falling onto yours in a steady rhythm, cock stretching you out. It feels so good and you let go now, moaning into his ear as your hands settle on his hips urging him into you, faster and harder. Jeongguk complies, your name stuck on his lips as he fucks you into the mattress, the curve in his stomach telling him he’s close. You clench around him, loving the way Jeongguk feels buried inside you, filling you up like no one else can. You’re tight and wet and he can’t help but lift your hips, grasping the back of your thighs so that he can pound into you the way he wants too. He’s hitting deeper now, the curve of his cock rubbing against that part of you that has delicious tingles vibrating through your body. It’s heady, the way he fucks you. You can feel him twitching, thrusts in precise, the need to cum driving his hips. When he moves to pull away, you push his hips back down.

“I — oh,” He says, breathless when you squeeze around him, ribbed velvet walls clenching on his veiny cock. “I’m close.”

“Inside,” you murmur, “Cum inside.”

He stares at you, eyes glimmering. But his hips come slamming back down hard and he fucks you like he never wants to leave your cunt. It’s exactly what you want and you’re not worried. After three months of trying what could happen now? So you let him have his way with you, his harsh thrusts bruising your hips. His own falter against you, warm cum spilling inside. Jeongguk’s panting beside your ear, your sweaty skin sticking together. His hair is dishevelled, ruined and damp. But there’s a soft smile on his face and when he pulls out, cum making your thighs feel grimy. He pecks your nose gently. It makes your heart calm. Then he rises, moving to the bathroom and returning with a wet cloth. He cleans you up in silence but it’s content, not tense. Your eyes are closed when he slips into bed again, the mattress dipping under the weight of his knee. He drags the sheets he’d plucked from the floor over your body and you burrow into his side, the thrumming of his heart in his chest a serene euphony to your ears. You fall asleep like this, the melancholy that was weighing over your heart temporarily subsided.  

→

There’s a faint ding from your phone. You pick it up, sliding down the notification bar to see a reminder from your period app. You’re three days late. You choose to ignore it, tossing the phone back onto your desk because there’s a file you urgently need to complete. Seungmin’s been breathing down your neck about it. Coupled with the fact that Jeongguk’s birthday is next week and you’re still trying to plan his party out, your brain felt like it was about to combust. Your period is probably late because you were stressed. Jeongguk had been swamped with work too and after the mini holiday at the lake house you’d barely seen him. So obviously, it’s stress.

You leave the office late, putting down a reminder to book an appointment with your doctor in your notes app as you exit the building. You’d been mulling over going on birth control for a while now. It seemed like the most logical approach. Partially because you’d grown accustomed to feeling Jeongguk’s cum inside you and also because you thought it was better to wait a little bit until you were both more settled and ready for kids. Some part of you still longed to have them now but Soomi’s words haunted your thoughts every time the idea popped into your head. You had no doubt that you loved Jeongguk but the negatives of parenting heavily clouded over the pleasant scenarios you’d imagined.

The apartment is empty when you get home. You shower first and then head to the kitchen, your phone in your hand. There’s a text from Jeongguk telling you he’ll be late. He’s close to a promotion thanks to all his hard efforts even if it means you spend less and less time together. You settle on starting dinner, so that he’ll have something warm to eat when he comes home. He was notoriously bad at remembering to eat enough while working late.

When you’ve finished cooking, you settle into the couch, laptop open on some random show so that you have background noise as you eat. But it’s not enough to entertain you and you find yourself swiping through your phone. You scroll through Instagram feed, pausing over a picture of Yoona’s new-born. He’s a cute baby even with all the wrinkles and scrunched up face. His name is Jonghyun and Yoona hadn’t been able to stop talking about him. Baby this, baby that. It was cute, her unadulterated love for her child. Even when he puked over everything and refused to sleep.

Your heart feels heavy now, ears focused on the incessant ticking of the clock instead of the chattering of the actors on your screen. The memory of your first time taking a test comes stinging back hard. How nervous you were, how disappointed you felt when it was negative. It all seemed like wishful thinking now but something about it had you sitting upright, empty bowl discarded on the coffee table and your laptop nearly tipping onto the floor. You open the app again, stare at the three days’ late notification and then run to the bathroom.

The tests are still packed in the black paper bag. Your rummage through it, yanking out three in your trembling fingers tips. For some reason, it’s easier this time. You pee, dip them in the cup and leave them lying horizontally on the bathroom counter in what feels like seconds. Your heart pounds every step of the way. There’s no way you’re pregnant. It wouldn’t make any sense. Your legs jitter when you sit back onto the couch and everything feels like it’s going in slow motion. Or are you just moving really fast? You can’t tell, setting a timer on your phone before pressing your palm against your heart, trying to calm the drumming against your ribs. Time goes quickly and there’s a familiar buzzing signifying that your results are ready. You can’t walk. You don’t want to walk. It would be better not to know. But what’s the harm in knowing when you already know they’re negative. It’s just a confirmation. You’re not pregnant.

When you finally rise, your breath is shaky and your legs feel like logs as you drag yourself to the bathroom. The counter beckons you towards the tests, bright white light shining down upon them.

Two lines. On all three tests. Positive.

You can’t breathe. Your hands are shaking so much and suddenly the floor feels closer than it should. Your heart threatens to burst from your chest and there’s blood roaring in your head. You steady yourself against the sink, chest heaving beneath the loose shirt that you're sure belongs to Jeongguk. It feels surreal. The harsh light of your bathroom is hurting your eyes but you keep staring at the tests, the new information sinking in slowly. Suddenly you’re hyper-aware of your stomach, how the band of your underwear digs into the flesh of your hips. You can’t think about anything else because it hits you then. What those tests mean apart from the positive two lines, you keep blinking at.

Pregnant. You’re pregnant.

→

The first person you call isn't Jeongguk. It isn't your mother either or Yoona.

It's Soomi.

She picks up on the fourth ring, mumbling a hello that you struggle to hear over the sound of Bora whining in the background.

“Bora! Sit down!” Soomi’s not focused on your conversation yet. Her voice is tight, clear irritation radiating through her words. Something hits the floor and there’s a shrill echo of Bora’s cries ringing through the line. Soomi sighs heavily. “Give me a second. I’ll call you back.” And then the line goes dead.

Is that your future? Is that what you really want?

For some reason you’re crying. There’s a hot heaviness in your eyes that throbs dully in your skull, the coming of a headache. You wipe them away with the back of your hand, the lump in your throat making it hard for you to speak. Why did you even call Soomi in the first place? You can’t remember why the panic you’d felt had driven you to dialling her number. Especially when she planted that seed of doubt in your head in the first place.

When she rings again, you’re tempted to decline the call. Soomi would even question why you’re telling her first instead of your mother or Jeongguk. But you don’t know what else to do right now. You can’t just throw all the tests away and act like this isn’t happening. There’s a being developing inside you right now. A person that is both you and Jeongguk. And quite frankly you’re terrified.

“Hey, sorry for that. Bora’s started throwing tantrums now. I just had to talk to her.” She sounds exhausted.

You nod, realizing a second later she can’t see you. “Uh, yeah.” Your throat is clogged. “It’s fine, don't worry.”

“How are you then?” There’s a click of a door closing behind her.

“Um…” You can’t say it out loud, the words crawling back down your throat. Soomi’s quiet down the line, like she can feel the fear in your hesitation.

“Y/N? What’s going on? Are you alright?”

You still can say anything, a tremble in your fingers that you can’t control. “I’m…” She waits, patient, and you know her eyebrows are furrowed together like they usually do when she’s concerned.

Wouldn’t it be easier to just say it all at once? Rip it off like a bandage? You settle for that, forcing the rushed sentence out of your mouth. “I’m pregnant.”

“You’re what?” You open your mouth again but Soomi beats you to it. “You’re pregnant?” There’s an incredulity there like she’s still trying to process what you’d said. At least you are in the same boat.

“Yes,” You reply, finally stepping out of the bathroom. The tests are shoved far into the back of the cupboard. You’d taken care to store the boxes away too instead of dumping them into the trash. But now you long to sit, and the couch seems incredibly inviting. It’s weird to crawl under the blanket, knees curled into your stomach. There’s a life blossoming there. A whole life.

“Oh my god! Congratulations!” She’s practically vibrating down the line and her happiness has you pausing. Why is someone else more excited for your pregnancy than you? “How far along are you? Does Jeongguk know yet? I’m so happy for you!”

“...I don’t know how far along I am. I just found out.” Your voice is monotone in comparison to her bubbly questions. She catches on quickly, falling silent at the lack of joy in your tone.

“Oh. Are you alright? Weren’t you trying for kids?” Now she’s confused, hesitant to be happy when you’re not. The problem is, there’s a small part of you that’s elated. Finally, after all that time, here’s what you wanted. Handed to you on a silver platter. But you’re too wary of it all right now. There’s ominousness creeping into your beautiful vision of a family, staining the picture dark. What if this rips you apart? What if it makes you hate Jeongguk? What if this is the wrong time? What if you’re a shit mother? There’s too much worry looming over parenthood. And it’s sitting on your shoulders.

The tears reappear, dripping down your cheeks fast.

“We stopped,” You croak out.

“Oh.” Soomi’s silence leaves your head throbbing. You know why you called. For reassurance. Someone needs to tell you it’s going to be okay. Not Yoona. Not Jeongguk. Not your mother. Soomi was the only one who could provide the reassurance you desperately needed. “Y/N, are you happy?” She asks a heartbeat later, like she knows your thoughts.

You hiccup. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to feel or what to do.”

There’s a small hum from her lips. “Okay. How about you get a glass of water first. Anything you want to drink.” She’s right. Your hiccups keep interrupting her and they’re uncomfortable. You leave the phone on the couch, returning after you’d chugged some water. “You’re back,” She sounds relieved, sighing through the line. You mumble a sound of affirmation, digging your cold feet under the fluffy blanket. “Remember what I said about parenthood?”

“Yes.” Of course you do, you hadn’t forgotten a word she’d said.

“I know I mentioned all the negative things but I don’t want you to lose sight of all the little wonderful things. Having a child is both a blessing and a nightmare — and I know it sounds hypocritical of me to be talking about all the nice things that come with being a parent when I just had an argument with my daughter, but I promise you, there’s so many moments that you’ll cherish during this part of your life. It’ll change a lot, some for the worse, some for the better. But it’s worth it. So worth it.”

You stay silent, shuffling in the cushions. There’s an urge to touch your stomach and you give into it, feeling the warm skin beneath your palm that’s going to stretch out, making room for the child within you.

“You know,” Soomi continues, a waver in her voice. “I cried the first time Bora could walk without support from either of us. She wasn’t that big and I was so proud of her but it felt like my baby was getting too old already. And now I can hardly get her to sit down.” She laughs softly. The memory she’s shared warms you. You can see it now, the tiny little feet, the unsure steps. “You know that’s waiting for you, right? With Jeongguk’s energy, that kid will never be able to stay still.”

And then you’re smiling, an easy one that tugs at the corners of your mouth. The pads of your fingertips trail along your stomach. “He’ll be so happy,” You murmur. There’s not even a slight bump but you already feel different, now that you’re aware.

“I know he will. I saw him staring at all the kids when we were at the lake house. He really wanted this.”

You hum again, but the mention of the lake house makes you heart break. “I told him I wanted to stop trying then.”

“Really? Why? If I may ask.”

You want to say it’s because of her, but you bite your tongue. Soomi may be a bit harsh sometimes but she was a sweet person and didn’t need to have that held over her head. “Just rethought it.” You settle for that instead. “Wasn’t sure if I was ready for parenthood just yet.” She’s quiet, like she can tell it was because of her.

“Are you happy, Y/N?” She asks again, not addressing the elephant in the room

You pause to think about her question. Really think about it. Jeongguk would be ecstatic. Over the damn moon. Yoona’s been nudging you to join her in this next stage of life and your parents would be overjoyed too. And you? What are you feeling?

“I’m happy.” There’s a sense of surety there. No matter what happens, you longed for this just as much as Jeongguk has. It’s a blessing. Even if it’s hard at the end of it all, it’s worth it. “I’m really happy.”

Soomi’s voice has a lilt in it. “I’m glad for you. You know it’s going to be okay. Jeongguk loves you too much to ever let either of you go.”

“I know,” You mumble, gaze on the door. “Do me a favour, don’t tell anyone yet.”

“Of course! My mouth is shut. Call me if you need anything, love. I need to check on Bora before she puts herself in danger.”

“Hmm, alright. I’ll call. And thank you Soomi.” You’re warm all over, skin buzzing with an emotion you can decipher.

“Anytime. I need to run. If you need a good doctor, I can refer you to one!”

“Thanks, I’ll let you know. Bye Soomi.”

It settles in when the line cuts, the feeling in your bones seeping into every limb. You are pregnant. There’s a miniature version of you and Jeongguk sitting inside your uterus. Evidence of your devotion to each other. Your love. You can’t stop touching your stomach beneath the safety of the blanket, the sheer wonder of it all still lost on you. Then Jeongguk is pushing the door open, and your hand drops from your abdomen. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbow, tie loosely pulled from its knot and there’s a glow in his brown eyes. You haven't seen them shine like that in months.

He toes his shoes fast and then he’s launching into the living room, a grin on his face that reaches your heart.

“Hello, my love. What’s got you so happy?" You tentatively ask. Jeongguk doesn’t reply, instead tackling you into the couch, firm arms wrapping around you. He holds you tight, this face buried into the hollow of your neck. You can feel his smile on your skin and your heart keeps fluttering. A wild butterfly caged in your chest.

“I got the promotion.” The alcohol reaches your nose then, remnants of his celebration still on his tongue. The words you want to share dance on your own tongue. But you keep them in check. Not now. You know when you’ll tell him. Soon, but not now.

“Really! I’m so proud of you. You deserve it, baby. You’ve worked hard.” You say into the tuft of his dark hair. He sighs against you, heart drumming against your chest. Content. “Let me warm your dinner. I’ll spoil you tonight.”

“I can think of other ways you can spoil me,” He grins, shifting so he can cup your chin, gently pulling you closer. You give in because you long to kiss him too. Have the surety of his warm mouth against yours, feel that love echo when you slip your tongue against his. He tastes like soju. But you brush it off, it’s probably not bad for the baby anyway. It’s not like you can tell him to stop and google whether this is safe for you. He’ll ask and you’re not ready to share this with him just yet. So you let Jeongguk push you onto the couch, mouth still latched onto yours. It’s easy to let go, lose yourself in his touch for a bit. Because it’s Jeongguk. The love of your life, the person who keeps you grounded, your best friend, and now the father of your child.

→

Soomi keeps an eye out for you at the party. She quietly orders virgins with you and the only person who seems to catch on is Jimin who keeps staring at her stomach with fear. But no one else is concerned, too busy exchanging stories over the table, their glasses clinking every once in a while. Taehyung keeps the liquor flowing, racking up a bill that’s going to bite your wallet. But you’ll let it slide for tonight — after all it is Jeongguk’s birthday.

The man in question is glowing, a never ending smile gracing his cheeks. The promotion at work came at the perfect time. He’s on a high, radiating pure unadulterated happiness. His joy spills over onto you and you can’t help but stay beside his side all night, eyes locked on his bright face. The laughter of your friends feeds the love blossoming in your heart and it positively combusts with joy when that sheepish smile creeps onto his face when everyone sings to him ‘happy birthday’. You leave the restaurant late; stories still being shared in the parking lot despite your friends halfway into their cars. Soomi sends you a wink as you carry Jeongguk towards the car and you catch the suspicious glance Jimin sends the two of you. They’ll have an interesting discussion later, you bet.

Jeongguk lets you drive, still woozy from the shots Taehyung urged down his throat. He doesn’t question that you hadn’t drank anything. You’d had a few bouts of morning sickness since you’d found out so avoiding alcohol in this situation was logical. Jeongguk thinks you’ve got a stomach bug. He accepted that explanation so easily, not remembering the last time you’d had unprotected sex. The ride home is content and quiet, Jeongguk cuddled within himself in that passenger seat. He’s beyond happy and it’s evident in the fond gentle glances he’s giving you. You pretend to not notice them, vibrating hard in your seat from the nerves wreaking havoc in your guts. Your fingers tap incessantly on the driving wheel, an accompaniment to the drumming of your heart.

You’ll tell him tonight.

The package is already at home, hidden in your underwear drawer. It's simple enough. A white ribbon tied neatly over the thin velvet black box and within it a positive pregnancy test, placed neatly inside a plastic zip bag, the cap on the tip on.

You’d thought about how you wanted to tell him over and over again but this seemed like the best idea. It’s not extravagant or dramatic and yet, for some reason you’re still so nervous.

When you kill the engine, your car now nearly slotted in the underground packing of your apartment, the silence is replaced by your rapid heartbeat. You turn to find Jeongguk staring at you, doe like eyes glimmering in the harsh glow on the parking lot lights. His mouth is turned upwards, cheeks flush from the alcohol in his system. Before you can say anything, distract yourself from your nerves, Jeongguk’s tugging off his seatbelt and leaning into your space, mouth moving onto yours. It’s a soft kiss, one that has you buzzing like you’re a teenager again, falling in love for the first time. He keeps a warm palm on the nape of your neck, deft fingers gently pressing into the sensitive skin there. You can’t help but curve into his caress, moaning quietly against his warm lips. When he pulls away you move to chase for it. He stops you by pecking your nose, leaving you blinking at him, hands clenched in your lap.

“Thank you for tonight. I love you,” Jeongguk murmurs against your forehead, fingers weaving towards your own seatbelt. He unbuckles you quickly, hands now on your waist as he urges you into his lap. You clamber on top of him, mindful of the gears that hit your knees. It takes a while to settle but when you do Jeongguk holds you to his chest, fingers running along your side. Your heartbeat is in your stomach now and you long to blurt it out. He catches your mouth against his before you can say anything, tongue coaxing you open. You kiss because if you try and reply to his statement now you’ll end up crying.  You don’t know how long to stay like this, making out in the basement of your apartment building like teenagers trying to hide from prying eyes. It’s nice until your hip starts to hurt from the uncomfortable position.

“Let’s go inside. I have a present for you.” You’re breathless in his arms, mouth wet from his lips against you. Jeongguk quirks an eye at that, shifting so that his crotch brushes against your stomach.

“Really? What kind of present?” He asks it slyly, hips rolling against you. You reward his bluntness with a smack on his shoulder, before opening the car door. “Ow! You can’t hit me, it’s my birthday.”

“Hurry up or you won’t get your present,” you reply, slipping off of his lap.

“Not far.” He whines, but he gets out anyway, shutting the door behind him.

“I don’t care.” You say, smiling back at him. “It’s a good one I promise.”

The questions start there and Jeongguk doesn’t stray far from you as you head towards your apartment. He keeps a palm pressed against the small of your back, pulling away only to give you space to open the door. Inside he latches himself onto you again, dropping kisses along your neck until you gently push him on to the couch.

“Wait here. Let me get the present.” He stares after your retreating figure when you head for the bedroom, curiosity making him finally stay silent. You return with a small black box and his mind starts guessing. A tie? The box isn’t big enough. A toy? What toy is that small? A pen? Why would you give him a pen?

He accepts the box cautiously, fingers immediately tugging at the white ribbon knot. He can feel your eyes on him as his fingers close around the lid. It makes him pause, gaze flickering towards your face because he isn’t sure what this is at all. Then he yanks the lid off, vision landing on the object within the box.

It takes him a moment to realise it’s a pregnancy test.

“Are you serious?” His hands are quivering but he plucks up the plastic bag that contains it anyway, dropping the box to the ground. His eyes are on you and there’s tears welling within your own. Jeongguk’s head feels hot and his chest is too small, heart widely slamming into his ribs. “Are you actually serious? You’re pregnant? You’re pregnant!” The smile that breaks onto his face makes you laugh with joy and all you can do is nod your head. Jeongguk moves so fast from the couch, wrapping his arms around in. Your chests are pressed against each other, hearts communicating through rapid thumping. He keeps murmuring it against your ear, like he can’t believe just yet.

“You’re actually pregnant. Oh my god. We’re having a baby.” He’s trembling in your arms and when he pulls away to look at you, you hold him steady. There’s a twinkle in his eyes that makes your heart stop and then he’s kissing you. It’s soft and sweet but there’s an urgency with every press of his lips against yours, one that you feel too. You long to have him closer, fingertips already digging into the fabric of his shirt. It should be off on the floor right now. Jeongguk groans into your mouth when your hands slip underneath the fabric. He’s practically levitating right now. It’s impossible for him to get any happier. And then a thought hits him so hard he’s left breathless when he pulls away from your lips.

“I’m going to be a father? Holy shit — I — you’re actually pregnant?”

“Yes, Jeongguk.” The shock on his face makes you giddy. You gesture to the test still clutched in his hand. “I really am.” You catch the wonder that whispers in his eyes when he glances at the test once more.  And then he’s on you, hands settling on your waist as he kisses you like you’re oxygen and he’s drowning. His erection keeps nudging against your stomach and the movement has you dripping instantly, panties sticking to your core. When you naturally roll against him, you don’t expect Jeongguk to pull away.

“What? What’s wrong?” He swipes his tongue over his rose lips, looking abashed. His eyes are still glued to your stomach.

“Shit — sorry. I didn’t mean to rub against you like that.”

You blink at him. Hard. Was the man who literally fucked a baby into you apologising for rubbing his erection against you? Really?

“Jeongguk,” You begin, attempting to sound patient. “Are you not going to sleep with me this whole pregnancy?”

“Can we do that though? Have sex? It won’t put the baby at risk?” He’s genuinely concerned, a hand coming out to brush against your tummy.

“I’ll be fine, Jeongguk. The baby’s only five weeks anyway.”

“You sure?” The warmth of his hand against you has you radiating, glowing bright like a star in the middle of the dark galaxy. You try not to preen under his attention, but the concern colouring his honey eyes makes your heart ache with fondness.

“Yes, I’ll be fine.” You try to hide that emotion with a nonchalant roll of your eyes. He notes it with a gentle scoff, the palm on your hand stills though.

The firmness in his voice makes your cheeks warm. But then he glances at you again. “You’re not tired? You don’t want to sleep?”

“Jeongguk, I suggest you take advantage of my libido before it disappears. You’ve already put a baby in me, what’s stopping you now?” He must read the irritation in your voice well because he stops being coy and settles a hand on your hip to pull you closer.

“Nothing, nothing at all,” He murmurs against your ear before easily lifting you up. The grin tugging at your lips is blissful, the feeling of Jeongguk’s sturdy arms guiding you to your bedroom licking at the flame in your core. You cling onto him, giggling in time with his slippers faintly pattering against the floorboards. You don’t know how he flicks on the lights in the room but he does so without letting you go, the smile curving at his own lips pressed against your chest.

Your back touches the mattress gently, the act tender in itself. The look Jeongguk gives you makes your heart flutter, a soft warmth building in your gut has his hands wander across along your body, pausing at your waist which he clutches firmly. He fits perfectly between your spread legs, the silk dress you'd donned for tonight hitched up your thighs, revealing spans of skin that Jeongguk keeps staring at. His eyes roam over your body, glittering in a manner that makes your fingers itch to close the distance between your bodies. You can't help but stare at back him, a stupid grin on your lips because this is really all yours. He's yours and you love him. And he loves being yours too. You can tell it by the way Jeongguk leans down, slotting his lips against yours, his body pressed firmly into you. The twitch of his clothed cock against your core has you groaning into his mouth, the sparks that journey across your skin from every slight touch he gives your body intoxicating. Your hands are on him a beat later, slipping into his soft brown curls. When your nails scrap against the nape of his neck Jeongguk shivers, a minute movement that has his hips driving harder into yours. The grip that lands on your bare thighs triggers an arch in your back, lining you perfectly against him. There hasn't been an exchange of words yet but you can feel it in every roll of his hips, in the way his lips slip down to your neck, painting purple and blue marks along your skin and in the way he glances at you when he finally pulls away, petal lips bruised and a glaze in his honey eyes that makes you want to do dangerous things.

"I love you." There's another kiss on your lips. His hands are in your underwear, fingertips toying with your wet folds. "I love you so much. So much." Another kiss and an expert flick against your clit. You think your heart might burst. It feels too full of adoration, bruising your ribs with every erratic thump inside of your chest. You just tug him closer, directing his mouth towards yours again and kissing him hard enough to leave a print of your ardour for him on his lips for eternity.

"I love you too." You mumble it into the air, the sentence soft and warm, containing all the adoration you feel towards him. Jeongguk beams, brighter than the sun. Your love for him blinds you but you don't mind it. No one has ever made you as happy as Jeongguk has. No one has ever made you feel like Jeongguk has. You love him so much that it hurts. And you know he loves you just as much too.

It comes easy, the way your clothes fall off your body as he kisses you. Suddenly your bare bodies in a bed, the desperation in your touches heady. He leaves you breathless when he finally settles himself between your legs. The first lick of his tongue against your dripping core has your hands balling into the sheets. Jeongguk doesn't wait for you to register the feeling of his mouth against your cunt. He hikes your legs over his shoulders, tongue slipping deep into your cunt. You jolt from the intrusion but Jeongguk pins you down, grip firm as he forces you to take every deft swipe of his tongue against your pussy. He knows how to unravel you, and he does so quickly, not holding back anything as he licks you open, groaning deep into your cunt. It's the little sighs that do you in, the mumbles of praise that he murmurs into you that spark something in your gut.

"Jeongguk." It's hitting you fast, a tremble in your thighs that you can't control spreading warmth throughout your body.

He hums, parting from your cunt with his mouth covered in your need. It gives you a moment to breathe, but then he plants a kiss on your folds and you feel your brain melt into mush. "You taste so good," Jeongguk murmurs, before swirling his tongue around your clit - a skilled motion that elicits a rush of slick from your core. "So fucking good," he reiterates, despite you protesting squirms, the hands on your hip unforgiving. And then his tongue is back inside of you, fucking you open with a vigour that leaves you heady. There's nothing that can stop your fingers slipping into his hair, nails scraping his scalp with how hard you grip at the locks on his head. Your hips rise subconsciously, grinding his face into your cunt and slipping his tongue deeper and deeper until you feel it snap. He reads your body too well, the heave in your chest enough indication that your high is hitting you. And just before it does, his tongue is on your clit, licking at the sensitive bud the way he knows you like it. It happens all at once, a heat bursting through your system and your thighs suddenly begging to be clamped shut. But Jeongguk keeps them open, laving at your core as you shudder beneath him, vision blank and your nerves tingling with pleasure.

The waves barely subside, but you force your eyes to focus, the gentle press of Jeongguk's lips on your cunt making your toes curl. When you glance down, gaze floating over Jeongguk finally departing from between your legs, your heart bursts. His face is flushed rouge, a pretty tint over his golden skin, and his curls are tumbling into his face mussed from your fingertips racking through his hair. Even from here you can see how hard he is, straining against the fabric of his boxers, the print of his cock reigniting a fire in your gut that blazes through your nerves straight to your core. He notes the direction of your gaze with a loop-sided grin before he's descending onto you, trapping you within his sturdy arms. His mouth is on yours a second later, tongue slipping against yours. The groan that melts down your throat has your heart thumping, and your hands travel down his back, yanking him down until his crotch is pressed right against your own. You like the way you taste on his tongue, and it shows by how you kiss him, lips eager for more and more. The moment wraps itself around you, needs forgotten for a moment as you learn each other through your kisses all over again. It leaves you breathless, a tiny sigh drifting from your mouth when you finally part, and the look in Jeongguk's dark eyes evoking a thrill through your system. It's the instinctual thrust of his hips into yours that has the mood changing, like a trigger has been set off because suddenly you're needy, pawing at him until he gives in. You can feel him against you, twitching into your heat, the damp spot building on the fabric a result of both of your desires. There's a chaste kiss along your neck, Jeongguk slowly working his hips into you, but the pulse inside of your core demands for something more. Your fingers tug at the band of his underwear, impatient as you push down the fabric. He just laughs, mouth pressed into the hollow of your neck, hips raised to assist in your ministrations. It takes some wiggling before they're off, discarded someone off the edge of the bed.

"Aren't you needy — oh fuck." Your hand is wrapped around his length; the twists you give around him shallow but you know him well enough to know where to apply pressure. It doesn't take long from Jeongguk to crumble into you, the breaths against your neck shallow and quick and his cock leaking all over your hand. He feels good like this, thick and velvet-like against your palm, a weight you ache to have in your mouth. But then your walls flutter, clenching on nothing as Jeongguk groans into your shoulder, his hips pistoning into your hand and your brain can focus on nothing but having him inside of you, filling you up like he should.

"Baby." There's a careful edge to his tones. The profanity he whispers a moment later melts into the heat of your skin. "Keep doing that and I'll cum." He feels taunt above you, like a string on the verge of snapping.

"You could do that inside of me," you retort, twisting your hips up. It's only a slight brush but Jeongguk is swearing into the heat of the air. His hands are on the back of your thighs in an instant, hoisting you up to meet him as he settles himself between your legs, the head of his cock nudging against your core.

"You're a menace," Jeongguk retorts, pressing his length into you. His eyes are on your core, marvelling at how wet you are, practically drenching his cock in your slick. It doesn't help that you look gorgeous like this underneath him, his hands wandering back to your waist as he tugs you closer. The soft smile gracing your lips makes his heart ache. He pushes in without really thinking it over, the urge to fill you up overriding any other thought in his brain. The gasp you let out urges his hips to hit deeper, the feeling of your tight wet walls fluttering around his length euphoric. He loves every part of you but your cunt has a special place in his heart if he's being honest with himself. You fit around him perfectly, like you were made for him. Even after years of being with him it still takes him breath away, how easy you welcome his length into you, the noises you make when he's inside you. The first time you'd had sex Jeongguk had nearly cried. He'd never reached his climax that quick and it hit him hard, slamming into his body as he fucked you into the mattress. For some reason he feels the same way now, balls tight with his release, begging to coat your walls in his cum. He tries not to stare at your tummy but it's instinctual.

You sigh when he bottoms out, the curve of your bum pressed neatly against his balls. "But you love me."

Jeongguk scoffs lightly, rocking his hips hard. "I don't."

You ignore the butterflies that erupt in your stomach because you know he's lying. The look in his eyes as he gazes at your stomach says something else entirely.

"You do," you retort, raising your hips to match his thrusts. "You love me." The curve of his cock rubs right where you need him most, but it's not the hard pounding you expected from him tonight. He's going uncharacteristically slow, the drag inside of you steady but not fierce. Like he's purposely prolonging this, hanging onto the feeling of your cunt wrapped around him. There's a distance in his eyes that makes you clench your walls on purpose, hard enough to yank Jeongguk back into reality. He responds with a hard thrust, one that coaxes a low moan from your lips. He hums low, hips still driving you into the sheets.

"Yeah I do." It makes your heart swoop, the heat that envelopes your body intoxicating.

The sound of you meeting fills the room, your slick dripping over Jeongguk's length. For a moment you watch how he disappears inside of you. It leaves a tingle travelling through your body, to see how well you take his cock, how he groans deep every time he buries himself inside of you. But then your eyes flicker back to Jeongguk and his unwavering gaze on your stomach. Even the hands settled on your waist are ginger, gripping you like you're fragile. It's only then do you remember the concerns he'd voiced.

"You can go harder," you murmur, the tremor in your voice a result of how good he's fucking you despite the gradual pace he'd opted for.

Jeongguk hums, still driving his cock deep into you. He's not really concerned about that. His hips move slow because he's still marvelling at the fact that you're pregnant. That the child developing inside of you belongs to the both of you. That he fucked a baby into you. It sets off something oddly primal in his brain, dragging up an urge that he has to bite down on. That's why he goes slow, savouring every whimper and sigh that falls from your bruised lips. Etching the way your body feels under him, pliant to his desires. How you stare at him with that soft look clouding your gaze. He doesn't want this to end. Even with the pressure in his balls tight, he drags it out, drowning the words that threaten to torrent from his heart with the sound of your meeting. It echoes in the room, colouring the air with your mutual love for one another. He lets it wrap around him, revels in it. But then you're wrapping an arm around him and tugging him down. His face lands into your shoulder and his palms get lost in the sheets. He feels your legs straddle around his waist, drawing him deeper and deeper and Jeongguk feels his resolve crumble into dust.

"Oh." The little exclamation fluxes into the crook of your neck, lost into the heat of your skin. It ignites something in your gut and your hips rise to meet his quickening pace. There's an edge lingering behind your eyes and you want it so bad. Jeongguk hears the desperation in the way you whine his name and he moves with purpose now, pounding you hard into the sheets mercilessly. It's what you want and Jeongguk intends to give you everything and anything you desire. Especially now that you're the mother of his child.

His high hits him quick, a fast sweet thing that zips down his spine has your walls cling around his length, holding him in like you need him there. There's nothing that can stop it, but you join him a beat later, your bodies moulding into each other, space nonexistence as your rapid heartbeats fall into sync. You feel him twitch inside of you, cum pooling around your entrance, and your brain short circuits for a moment.  There's a warmth ebbing from your core, echoing deep inside of your bones and the added feeling of your boyfriend caging you in his arms, his cum slipping from your core, unlocks something in your brain. It makes your heart fall into ease too, and you can't help but cling onto the security of his being even when he's mumbling about cleaning the two of you up in your ear.

"No.” The protest falls from your pouty lips, a neediness colouring your voice that Jeongguk can’t help but smile at. The glitter of his brown eyes leaves you swooning, but not as hard as the quick peck he delivers on your check a second later.

"Please," He reasons, voice gentle. "You're gonna feel gross tomorrow."

Your legs are reluctant but they fall away regardless. "Be quick."

He plants another faint kiss to your lips again before rising. "Of course I will."

→

“You stink.”

Jeongguk laughs at the grimace painting your features as he dives into you, smashing your nose straight into the pit of his armpit. He reeks, skin still slightly sticky from putting his muscles to work in the gym downstairs. Normally, he would prefer to drive out to the gym he’d signed a membership for. He’d usually shower there before heading home. However, since the news of the new addition to your family Jeongguk had been adamant on staying near home. Though the equipment in your building was arbitrary Jeongguk refused to go out further than needed. Even when you desperately wanted him to. For instance, right at this very moment. You can feel the revulsion forming at the back of your throat as he nuzzles you into his arms. You gag on it, shoving him off harshly. You can’t even muster a playful smile when he stares at you in confusion, face downcast.

“What’s wrong?” He says it innocently, oblivious to the stench that’s emitting from him. Normally, you don’t mind Jeongguk post work-out must. But something in your brain has registered his current sweat drenched body as the vilest thing on Earth.

“You stink,” You reiterate, shifting away from him. Jeongguk pouts, sniffing at the tight fabric that stretches over his firm muscles.

“That bad?”

“Like a pig. Please go shower.” You snap, snatching up the bag of salt and vinegar chips you’d left behind in you flee from Jeongguk. Usually you didn’t like the way this flavour lingered in your mouth, yet somehow with the past couple of days you’d demolished more packets of them than you’d ever eaten in a single month in your entire life.

“That is not the food a pregnant woman should be eating,” He comments, voice coloured with disdain. He attempts to pluck it out of your hands, but the sharp glare you target at him halts his movements immediately.

“Don’t talk to me when you smell like that.”

He frowns, raising a hand to rake through the damp brown curls sticking to his scalp. “You hate the way salt and vinegar crisps smell. Why the hell are you eating them at this rate?”

“Why are you not in the shower yet?” The eyebrow raised directly at him pokes at his composed temperament.

“Y/N. Apart from those, what else have you eaten today?” When you don’t answer Jeongguk evades your space once again. You cough back the bile that’s coating your throat.

“We had breakfast together, you know what I ate.” He doesn’t take the retort well, sighing heavily as he blinks at you.

“Breakfast was hours ago. What did you eat in between that? I want a serious answer.” There’s enough gravity in his words to make you mumble out what he’s asking to hear.

“....Bread.”

“Bread?” He repeats it like he can’t believe it, tone coloured with incredulity. “Bread. You just ate bread. Was there anything on the bread? Tell me it was a sandwich at least.”

“No. Just plain bread.”

The sigh he emits now is loud and full of frustration. “Bread? Y/N, you’re pregnant. You can’t just eat plain bread that’s not enough for you.”

“I know,” You snap back, a harshness in your voice that even surprises you. It makes Jeongguk pause for a moment, but you’re already too worked up to care about backtracking your thoughts. “I know that I should be eating nutritional stuff Jeongguk but I can’t. I literally can’t. I feel like I’m going to throw up over everything. It’s so hard to force food down my throat when I feel like it’s going to come right back up. So stop getting at me for that. I’m trying, I really am. Just let me be.”

He tilts his head, the perturbation in his eyes tangible. There’s a moment of silence between the two of you that lingers, Jeongguk’s gaze unwavering. It makes you feel uncomfortable, and you squirm away subconsciously. The minute moment has a dark cloud settling over Jeongguk’s features.

“I’m sorry,” He doesn’t make a move to kiss or hug you - which you’re both grateful for and irked at. It’s a peculiar feeling, repulsing your partner.  “I get that your sensitive right now. I’m just worried. You know tomorrow is our first prenatal visit. You’re still taking the vitamins right?”

“I am,” You affirm, sticking your hand back into the packet of crisps. “And stop worrying. You’re making me nervous.”

He sighs again, rubbing the nape of his neck with unease. In one fluid motion he’s off the couch, taking the atrocious smell with him. “I’m sorry again. I’ll go shower. Please, just consider eating something that isn’t salt and vinegar chips while I’m gone. And drink some water. Please? For me?” The pleading look he gives you, doe eyes wide, plasters itself into your brain. You mumble a noise of agreement, waiting impatiently for him to walk away. He does so with one last long look at you, his eyes holding a miscellany of emotions that you can’t decipher. You don’t want to either, but the feeling they give you creeps through your chest, sneaking its way into your heart.

When he's gone, you dig into your crisps unabashedly, yet for some reason the taste of them leaves a film of disgust in your mouth. You try to chug it away with a bottle of water but it lingers, provoking a wave of nausea that has you taking deep breaths. The show playing on the television is monetarily forgotten as you wander into the kitchen in search of something to calm your unsettled stomach. The cluster of bananas sitting in your fruit basket catch your eyes simply because the vision of Jeongguk staring at you with that imploring gaze is still vivid in your memory. He’s right though - you’re not eating enough healthy food to sustain the current exertion your body is undergoing. Making a whole human being is incredibly difficult and it was taking a huge toll on your body. From the constant nausea to the back pain and sudden scent sensitivity, you were feeling overwhelmed. Your moods had suffered too, your patience running thin with Jeongguk more often than not. The lethargy your body feels seeps negativity into every aspect of your life - and it didn’t help that Seungmin was still breathing down your neck asking for reports left right and centre like you had nothing better to do with your time. There had been a couple of close calls at the office this week we’re you’d nearly snapped at him, but you’d managed to hold yourself back in time. However, all those repressed emotions are following you, reappearing in the way you flare up at Jeongguk for the slightest mistake. It’s starting to eat away at you, this guilt that you’re treating him like this despite your boyfriend trying his best to provide you with everything and anything you wanted. That’s why you grab one of the bananas, swiftly peeling it open.

But then the smell hits you, quick and hard leaving no room for you to force back the vomit that nearly spews from your mouth. You barely make it to the toilet in time, head held over the bowl as you hurl out the obscene amount of carbs you’d consumed for the day.

You don’t even hear his footsteps but the sudden hard gently rubbing on your back isn’t unwelcome. He murmurs softly over the sound of you heaving, crouching next to your huddle figure, worry violently radiating from him. It’s a few more retches before it passes, you mouth bitter with the remnants of salt and vinegar crisps. It makes your eyes sting, and suddenly your throat is clogged with a devastating despondency that swallows you whole. You don’t even feel like you can move from the toilet, holding your head in your hands as you choke back tears. You feel discomfort everywhere, and this is merely the beginning of your pregnancy. Seven weeks in and a part of you is ready to quit it all already.

Jeongguk coaxes your head up, gently urging a glass of water into your hands that you use to rinse your mouth out. The distress in his eyes doesn’t help quell any of the negative thoughts swimming in your brain.

“Are you okay?” He murmurs, voice soft in the echo of your bathroom. His hair is still damp from his shower, golden skin on display - evidence he didn’t have enough time to tug a shirt over his head before he came to your aid.

“Obviously not,” You bite back, and then immediately regret it when you see the fall on his face. “I don’t think I’ll throw up again, but I really want to lie down.” He nods, evidently glad you’ve given him something to work with.

“C’mere.” You make a motion at the mess in the toilet but he brushes it off. “Don’t worry, I’ll clean it.”  His arms lift you up easily, gingerly guiding you to the couch where he nestles you in the soft cocoon of pillows and blankets, fretting incessantly over whether you truly feel comfortable or not. And then, he’s gone. You hear the sound of the toilet being scrubbed even though you’re in the living room and your nausea rears its ugly head for a split second. It’s a dangerous lurch in your stomach that thankfully subsides when you close your eyes and breath slow. Jeongguk walks in on this, shirt soaked with the droplets of water slipping from his curls and his phone in his hand. You don’t see it but he’s staring hard at his phone, eyes swiftly reading through a series of web-pages, bottom lip caught between his teeth. He wishes he could just text his mom the question plaguing his brain but he can’t. You’d both decided to hold back the pregnancy announcement until the first ultrasound. But in situations like this Jeongguk wishes that his mother knew. Or anyone he could trust for advice really. He feels like he’s waddling blindly through deep waters, constantly making the wrong decisions because you keep snapping at him. Even now that you’re reposed on the couch, face lax, he can still see how dull your skin is. It makes his heart ache. For the duration of your pregnancy the morning sickness had been present - but it had never been this bad. Coupled with your other symptoms, Jeongguk truly feels like the worst partner in the world for not being able to alleviate somewhat of your troubles.

That’s why he heads to the kitchen with purposeful steps, snatching up the half peeled banana you’d deposited on the counter before fleeing for the bathroom and dumping it into the trash. You blink your eyes open to the sudden sound of Jeongguk knocking pots onto the stove and rummaging deep through the fridge.

“What are you doing?” You croak, voice weak over the droning of the television.

Jeongguk twists to face you, a tiny smile on his lips but his eyes are nervous. He asks it anyway because if he does nothing he’ll feel useless. “How do you feel about ginger tea?”

“I’m listening,” You say. The smile on your lips is tired, but the fact that it’s there is enough confirmation to ease the worry that had become a permanent fixture in Jeongguk’s heart.

→

His jittering is getting on your nerves. Jeongguk’s always been one to move around to alleviate his anxiety but by doing so at this very moment, he’s adding to yours. You already feel sick to your stomach, the candescene of the clinic lights sparking an ache in your eyes. Instinctively, you reach out from your perch in the leather chair, giving his jerky knee a firm but tight squeeze. The movement halts immediately and from your peripheral gaze you note the sheepish smile that spreads across your boyfriend’s lips.

“Sorry,” he whispers into the sterile air. Hospitals always have that sharp alcohol smell and you’re quickly coming to the conclusion that you don’t like that smell at all.

“It’s okay,” you return. “You’re just making me nervous, babe.”

He’s got your hand in his a second later. “I know. I’m sorry. I just can’t believe this is real.”

You huff. “Well you better start believing. This is very much real.” Maybe that’s what’s causing the mini freak-out in your mind. The gravity of the situation was slowly starting to dawn on you. Maybe it was the smell of the clinic, or maybe it was the equipment surrounding both of you. But it was all becoming very real that this was happening.

Jeongguk seems to have noted the flash of panic flooding your features but before you can say anything the door clicks open and a sharp lady with pin straight hair walks in.

“Good morning, Mr and Mrs Jeon. Apologies for keeping you waiting. I hope everything is alright.” She moves quickly, dropping a chart on the counter beside the wall before turning to face the both of you. You quirk an eyebrow at how she addresses you but Jeongguk doesn’t make a comment, instead quickly rising to give her a small bow.

“Morning Doctor Lee, everything’s alright. Just some morning sickness and fatigue but otherwise she’s doing okay.”

She grants you a small glance, the smile on her face gentle. “That’s to be expected. There’s some remedies I can suggest but for the most part you just have to work through it. Otherwise, we can get into the first ultrasound.”

You give her a nod, hand still intertwined with Jeongguk’s and a strange knot tight in your throat.

“Alright, go ahead and lie down for me,” Lee says, dimming the lights in the room. She raises your shirt up when you’ve gotten comfortable, handing you a paper sheet to prevent the gel from staining your clothes. Your exposed belly in the faint glow of the monitor screen ticks of something in your head. But you bury that feeling away, focusing on the feeling of Jeongguk’s callused palm against your own.

“Okay, just undo your pants and tug them down for me.” You do as instructed, wiggling in the seat until the curve of your stomach is out for all to see. You can feel Jeongguk’s eyes on it, the sudden squeeze he bestows your hand a clear indicator.

“The gel is warmed but it still might be a little bit uncomfortable,” Lee continues. She’s right, but you let her spread it around anyway, the pounding in your heart frantic. “So we’re going to do a simple heart-tracing,” she says as she presses the probe into your skin. “This is just a general check on how your baby is developing.” You nod again, ignoring the deft hard press of the probe and she shifts it around

“See if you look here.” Your eyes snap right to the monitor, mind trying to decipher the blobs on the screen into a person growing inside of you. “There’s your baby’s arm, and right there is the head and neck. They’re developing very well. Look there’s the rib cage, and there’s the spine.”

“Wow,” Jeongguk murmurs into the silence of the room.

Lee laughs, pressing the probe in a little deeper. “There’s the heart, and if I go down… Yes, there’s the stomach. And right there is your umbilical cord. Everything seems to be coming along well. Oh, look!” You can’t even rip your gaze away from the screen if you wanted to. “There’s the baby moving, see how the arm is raising?”

You can see it, a tiny slight movement that you don’t even register happening within you. Your baby is moving. Maybe you let out a little gasp, maybe your grip on Jeongguk’s hand goes taunt, but suddenly this seems real with a clarity you’ve never felt before.

“Alright, so I’m seeing no anomalies. So we’ll do a crown-rump length measurement. This will give us a possible date of birth for your baby. But from the information you gave you’re thinking you’re around nine weeks along, right?”

“Yes.” Your voice feels far from your body.

“Okay, let me just take a look at the rest of your body. I can see that your bladder is full, that’s good,” she says. You zone out then, lost in the sudden violent realisation that you’re growing a life inside of you. It feels slightly terrifying in the faint blue glow of the room. And it worsens when Jeongguk starts asking questions, mumbling about your food aversions and diet. Doctor Lee responds in that calm collected tone of her’s, giving him suggestions that you see him eagerly internalise. Yet you don’t hear much of what she says, too busy staring at the image on the monitor.

“Would you like me to take a picture?” Lee suddenly states. “We can’t determine gender at this stage but I could take a few pictures of the baby and have them printed out for you.”

“Yes,” you say. “We’d like that.”

Lee nods, the softness of her gaze enough to ground you for a moment. “Let me just move this around here. We’d like one with the baby up and in a good position.” You can’t tell if Jeongguk is breathing beside you, his sudden silence vaguely concerning. But this his fingertips feather down your side, reassuring, a reminder that he’s here for you.

“Alright then, that sums up what we’re able to do for your first ultrasound. I just need to check some of the reports and then I’ll get back to you. Here’s some towels so you can clean yourself up.” She leaves you buttoning your pants up, the lights back on and a weight sitting heavy on your shoulders.

“Our kid is gorgeous.” Jeongguk breaks the silence with that, tugging your hand into his once more.

“We haven’t even really seen him, Jeongguk,” you return. There’s a delirious smile pulling at your lips. Yes, you’re worried about this new challenge. Parenthood truly did not feel like a joke, but every time you look at Jeongguk. See the bright adoration blooming in his eyes, that fear can’t help but subside. It virtually disappears when he brushes a kiss against your forehead, plucking up the tissues you’d used to wipe the gel off.

“Him? How do you know our baby is a boy, hmm?” There’s the thud as the tissues hit the bottom of the garbage can. You shift to help him clean up but Jeongguk stops you with a firm palm against your belly, honey eyes staring at you with tenderness.

“I don’t know,” you return. “I think it’s a boy. But I don’t really care. I just want a healthy baby.”

He flicks your nose fondly. “I feel the same way, my love. Everything seems to be going well so far. I just need you to eat a little better. You heard what Doctor Lee said.”

“I know,” you groan. “But the baby hates everything! It’s not my fault I’m not hungry.”

“I know, my love. But you still need to eat. Where do you want to go for lunch today? I’m thinking Paul’s.” Jeongguk sweeps the rest of the mess up, ever so diligent and nit-picky. “I’m craving pasta.”

“Fine, but don’t expect me to finish anything. Those portions are always too —”

“Mr Jeon?” The door swings open, Lee striding in with an envelope and her chart tucked underneath her white coat. “Here’s the ultrasound photo. As for the estimation date, we’re thinking around May 17th. If you have any other questions we can discuss them now.”

“I think we’re clear of any questions right now,” Jeongguk responds, gently taking the envelope from her outstretched hand. “Thank you, Doctor Lee.”

“Alright, let me know if anything happens or if any questions arise,” she says. “I’ll see you at your next appointment.” She sends you off with a smile, and the worry that claws at your insides ebbs away the moment your feet leave her office.

It’s in the car that you rip open the envelope. It feels weird, holding the picture in your hands. Because that’s your baby. That’s something you and Jeongguk made together. A life forming inside of you. Jeongguk leans into your space, a hand on your thigh as your both stare at the picture together, attempting to pinpoint where the arms and legs are forming. It’s surreal, knowing that this was happening inside of you right now.

“That’s our baby,” you whisper. Jeongguk grins, planting a warm kiss on your check.

“Yeah, that’s our baby.”

→

Your bump grows steadily over the course of your pregnancy. Suddenly waist bands are too tight, jeans don’t clasp shut, and you’re left rummaging through your closet for anything that sits loose enough to alleviate your discomfort. Jeongguk’s sweatpants swiftly migrate to your closet becoming a favourite item for you to don until one day Soomi insists on taking you maternity shopping. It’s not your favourite activity, to be honest. The harsh lights in the changing rooms illuminate your drastically changing body, bouncing off the roundness of your belly. It’s surreal, to see yourself alter like this, a totally new person staring back at you from the reflection. But you amuse her regardless, not minding the loose fitted clothes she swamps over you with that delicate smile of hers.

You and Jeongguk tell your parents first, during one late afternoon lunch, before announcing the news to everyone else you know. There’s hesitation in the initial reception, expected comments at the lack of your matrimony being muttered amongst your grandparents and parents. But that quickly dissipates when you hand them a picture of a recent ultrasound. They fall in love immediately, cooing and simpering with adoration for the child growing within you. It’s around then that the glow sneaks around, your skin vibrant and the smile on your lips unwavering. But the pregnancy isn’t perfect, there are still bouts of morning sickness and a growing pain at the base of your back that refuse to disappear despite advice for others and consistent care from Jeongguk himself. You manage through it though, a strange feeling blossoming in your chest whenever he places an absentminded palm against your belly, like a security blanket shielding you away from the bitter coldness of the world.

You can’t help but think about that feeling as you stare yourself in the mirror, sans clothes, tummy spreading far from body. With your first trimester essentially over, the changes in your body have become more rapid. It’s been odd to glance down and find a swell there instead of your usual tummy with its rolls and softness. Your fingertips give in, poking gently at the skin there. It’s still soft — just different, a firmness that tugs at your heart meeting your fingers. You should have gotten into the shower ages ago, a meeting awaiting your morning at the office. Jeongguk’s up too, the faint padding of his slippers echoing through the walls. You don’t realise how close he’s drawing until the door slides open, brown curls and wide eyes appearing from the sudden gap. There’s no need to hide, his gaze falling on your bare skin gently.

“Are you going to get in any day soon or is your body more fascinating to look at?” He’s annoyed. Despite your insistence Jeongguk doesn’t like the idea of you going into a stressful environment that you hate on most days, especially when his new position covers both of you. Seungmin doesn’t know yet too, and your manager is still a pain in the ass on good days. He doesn't want that around you when your body is preoccupied with creating life. But the idea of wasting away on the couch watching reruns of sitcoms and shunning away the comfort foods you once enjoyed sounds abhorrent. You’d rather be in the office while you can, and your colleagues are wonderful to — better company than a television show.

“You don’t think my body is fascinating?” He sees your pout in the mirror, shifting forward with a small smile on his own lips.

“I never said that.” The words wrap around you the same time his arms do, strong and firm but delicate in how he handles you. His lips meet your neck a beat later, the adoration they leave sinking straight into your heart. It warms you from head to toe, burning when his hands fall to your belly instinctively. “It’s more than fascinating.”

You hum, rocking into his chest. “Is it?” Your eyes don’t leave the mirror, engraving this image into the base of your mind where it will live with a clarity as clear as the sky. Jeongguk on the other hand is too busy looking at you, eyes trained on your face like he’s staring at a constellation hanging high in the velvet of the night. His hands travel, dropping low to settling at your hips. His own brushes against you, want evident through the loose fabric of his shorts.

“Do you want me to show you how fascinating it is?”

“I'm gonna be late for work, Jeongguk.”

“You don’t have to go at all,” he returns, a gentle press of his lips on your neck accompanying the statement.

“And why would I want to do that?” You retort, but your resolve is weak, body already pliant to the gentle shift of him as he draws you close.

“You don’t have to want to not go – I can just make you.”

“Jeon–”

His wandering hand is now at your chest, the fingertips that trail along your skin are delicate and yet they leave blazes of heat in their wake. “Please,” he burns the word into your skin, lips leaving a soft mark. “Just for today.” You feel it then, the crumble of your resolution. It happens the moment his hand slips low, right between your legs, grazing soft the way you like it. His other hand stays at your chest, squeezing soft before he catches your nipple between his fingertips. A precise flick, and the press of his tongue on your neck has you succumbing faster than the shore does to the hungry tide.

“Jeon–” He makes you watch, fingers landing right where you need them, sure deft presses against the nerves there. Your thighs are drawn taunt already, heightened by the sensitivity of your newfound body. It catches you gaze in the mirror, that bump, peaking forward as he works your open with his fingers. You can feel his muscles shift, ready to spin you, lift you up onto the counter like he’s done before and find his way between your legs. But you decide then, that you don’t want that just yet.

“Wait – wait, Jeongguk. Wait, I want something else first.” He halts, pauses with a curiosity in his dark gaze that makes you nervous for some reason. In baited silence you turn, shuffling away from him and sinking on your knees in a fluid motion.

“You don’t have to –” He starts, but you don’t let him finish.

“But I want to you.”

“Baby.” It’s laced with apprehension, but his cock is hard at the sight of you like this, pliant and on your knees, a pretty picture burned into his memory. “Your knees,” Jeongguk mumbles, gripping the counter when your mouth his dick through the fabric of his shorts. “You’re going to be in pain.”

“You know I like pain, Jeongguk.” And then your tugging the fabric down, sighing when he springs out, hard and needy. He’s already leaking, tip red and wet. He wants to say something, but it vanishes when you swallow him whole, head bumping into the back of your perfect throat with an evil ease. The groan that falls from his mouth and unearthly, painting the air warm. He’s forgotten how good your mouth is, how eager you work your tongue around him, fast and quick over delicate nerves that fall victim to your ministrations quick. He’s not normally this fast in reaching his edge, but the sight of you, naked and full in the mirror plague the back of his mind. It shouldn’t be hot but that fact that you’re carrying his child does something to base part of Jeongguk’s brain that he can’t put into words. It’s what drives his hips forward, motions muted because he doesn’t want to overwhelm you. But you don’t care, forcing more of his length down your throat until you gag, lips glistening bright under the bathroom lights.

“Baby,” Jeongguk mumbles, his hand reaching to pull you off his cock. “Baby – please – gonna cum if you don’t stop.”

You pull off with an obscene wet pop, licking your lips sinfully. “But that’s what I want.” You see him twitch, length dripping wet.

“No,” Jeongguk whines. “Not when I wanna cum in you.”

“Really?” He doesn’t even know why you’re surprised.

“Yes,” he answers anyway. “Really.” You’re pulled from the ground softly, and spun to face the mirror with care. His clothes hit the ground then, firm tan arms wrapping around you. They bend you forward, rest your hands onto the counter so you have support when he sinks down behind you, nudging your legs open with purpose.

“Thought you wanted to – oh fuck.” Jeongguk hums at that, tongue slipping right between your folds. He licks you open with a fierceness that has your knees shaking, deft movements filled with urgency. It sparks that heat in your gut, allows to spread fast through your body as his face burrows deep between your legs. His hands hold you still though, carefully protecting your belly against the bathroom counter. You can’t focus on anything but the feeling of his tongue sliding in deep, coaxing your walls apart eagerly. When he finally parts from your cunt you’ve forgetting how to breathe, forehead pressed against the cool counter and your lungs heaving.

“Good girl,” Jeongguk comments, dropping a swift kiss on your core. “Wet like this just for me, right?”

You sigh, a tiny noise of agreement. “Just for you.”

Jeongguk doesn’t comment, gripping you hard as he rises again, cock nudging right against your cunt with ease. He doesn’t move though, hands coming to gently lift your head. He forces you to look, honey eyes coloured dark even in the glimmer of the lights. His fingers journey along your features, quietly claiming the skin they touch.

“All of this, only for me, right?”

“All for you,” you immediately comply, hips shifting back. You want him so bad it hurts.

He pauses at your belly, settling at the base of it, swell cupped in his hand. “Only for me.” You don’t reply at first, because it feels like something Jeongguk is saying to himself. But then he looks at you, waiting, the grip on your body firm and unforgiving.

“Yours.” It’s whispered into the morning, like a secret of the night instead. Jeongguk smiles, that bright grin you’ve grown to love feeding the fire that burns fast within you.

“Mine,” he brands the word into your skin with a kiss on your neck. “Forever?”

“Forever.”

He buries himself deep them, splitting you open with one sure thrust that coaxes a moan from the back of throat. It melts into the air, walls already adjusting to his length. You can feel the slick coating your inner thighs, tainting the base of his crotch and dripping down his length. You sway, but Jeongguk holds you up, keep your gaze focused on the mirror as his hips draw away, before returning back with a force that catches your tongue between your teeth. He fucks you hard with a need you’ve never felt before, a purpose driving his hips forward until you feel your body given way, the sound of your meeting resounding through the room, hard and fast and wet. And yet his hands hold you together carefully, delicate with your fragility but firm like he needs you to know something. You think you do, and this side of him is both pleasant and terrifying. Nobody has ever touched you like this before, fucked you open like this before. But then again Jeongguk did say only him. And he meant it, judging from how his hand snakes to your cunt, landing right where you need him as if he’s memorised your body, engraved parts of him into his brain forever. It feels like he wants you to do the same, with how hard his hips drive forward, moaning low in your ear as his body tenses. You’re close too, but not there yet. Jeongguk can feel that, knows that tremor in your thighs is not enough. So he bites it back, holds that drop in his gut as he moulds your body into his, thrusts deep and slow.

“God – Jeon – J-Jeongguk – I can’t – can’t–” You look gorgeous like this, head lolling back and your hips shift to meet him.

“You can,” his fingers move faster, determined. “Be good for me, hmm?”

“But–” It appears faster than you’d like, a violent flash that pulls from within as Jeongguk unravels you. You can still feel him, buried deep and throbbing hard against your walls. Your legs want to give in but Jeongguk holds you up, forces you through it with shallow bucks of his hips against your heat, groaning low when your walls tighten around his length. He falls then, right into the heat of his want, spilling deep inside of you with choked whine and a kiss against your shoulder. It feels long and like it happens in a blink at the same time, but even as he stills you can feel him inside you, twitching around the pool of cum dripping from your cunt.

There’s another kiss on your shoulder as Jeongguk slowly pulls himself out. His cum follows quick, slipping from your cunt with is. You note how he watches it, how his fingers twitch with the instinct to stuff it back inside. You can’t help but roll your eyes. That was something you did when you were trying and there’s already proof of that effort right in your belly. He moves to plant another kiss though, right on your cheek while his hands sneak down to fulfil their desire. You halt them with a gentleness.

“I need to shower, Jeongguk.” The comment produces a pout on his lips. You kiss it away. “You have work too, babes. Get in with me.” He complies, still insistently drifting his hands downwards. A simple man honestly. With very simple needs.

→

With Jeongguk’s new position and your new predicament changes have rapidly happened. The search for a bigger apartment commenced right after your birthday announcement. At first, you didn’t find it necessary to uproot your whole life from your current apartment, with its quaint location and scattered memories. But Jeongguk wasn’t thinking about that, mind already focused on the future. He wanted a better district, closer to primary schools and day cares with stellar reputation. It was mildly unnerving, to see him come back from work, tie loose and his cheeks flushed from walking up the hill to your home with a list of new places they should go to, recommended by his colleagues. You’d asked around too, and slowly seeing one or two new places jumped from five to ten and eventually thirteen. All of them were disappointing in some way; either Jeongguk or you weren’t satisfied with the garden space, or he found the baby’s room to cramped, or the apartment too close to the main roads. Or the furnishing would not be adequate enough for the rent the landlord was charging. He also wanted benefits, perhaps a gym in the apartment complex or space to build one for himself in a private home. It quickly became apparent to you that Jeongguk wasn’t just looking for a new space, but rather the perfect forever home for him and his family.

Family.

A word you’ve slowly become accustomed to saying in your head. Jeongguk was your partner, and for the most part your family – but this, the baby in your belly. That was your family. A child that belongs to you as much as they belong to Jeongguk. It’s a foreign concept, but your heart swells in anticipation for it every time Jeongguk comes home for work, exhausted by lightening up the second his eyes fall on you and your stomach. It deepens during your doctor’s appointments, quietly observing the attentiveness Jeongguk directs to those meetings, how he notes down every bit of advice the doctors suggest. And its blooms when you begin find copies of parentings books around the house. You’d bought a few of your own for your journey but the shiny novel labelled: ‘Parenting Guide: For New Fathers’ sitting on your kitchen counter does something to you. Jeongguk wanted this more than he let on, and the fact that he was willing to give it up when you felt reluctant shows just how much he loves and cares for you. It feels like a blessing that everything aligned in its own way, perhaps drawn into your life by the desires of your boyfriend and partially by your longing for them too.

You’re lucky enough to find the perfect place thanks to Seokjin. A modern high-rise with the perks Jeongguk wants and enough room for your family to blossom, plus a playground space for your baby to grow in. It’s an arm and a leg to afford but Jeongguk was adamant to provide, and in the back of your head you were already thinking of side-things you can do to support your devoted lover. You move in towards the beginning of January, your previous lease drawing to an end at the perfect time. The new year is ushered in with new furniture and kisses in empty rooms, your sweaters stretching hard over your growing tummy. The journey feels both long and short, marked by moments with your mother, friends and Jeongguk and most importantly by yourself. Hours spent in front of the mirror observing your body change and transform into something new – something strong enough to create life within. Perhaps it’s always been that, yet seeing it occur right before your eyes has been astounding. Jeongguk keeps a steady eye on you, a weight lifting off his shoulders when you finally hand in your resignation letter. Seungmin is surprised, but he stares at your stomach with grudgingness that makes you feel sick.

(And you are the moment you get home, even with the first trimester over).

“Women,” he had muttered under his breathe. “Good for nothing but having babies and abandoning work.”

At first you’d wanted to ignore it, have your final day in the office be a pleasant calm one. Your co-workers were pretty nice, albeit occasionally annoying and deriving too much gratification in gossip but they were nice. Yet how could you, when the source of your stress and anxiety had the nerve to speak to you like that.

“You’re a real fucking piece of shit, you know.” And just like that Seungmin had shut-up, narrowed eyes staring at you in disbelief. “What the fuck have I ever done to you? My work has always been excellent unlike the subpar shit you usually get from everyone here. And yet you’ve been nothing but an annoying piece of shit to me and half your employees here. I don’t know who made you like this but I suggest you leave that shit at the door when you walk in – or else you’ll be dealing with more than just an angry pregnant lady. I’ve heard some pretty interesting harassment lawsuits have been springing up.”

He hadn’t said anything, mouth agape as you’d gotten up, your bag tight in your arms. “Learn to fucking respect the people you work with, or else someone will teach you that lesson.”

You’d stormed out, passing quick goodbyes as your stomach swayed with dread. It had taken more from you than you’d expected but it trepidation had passed as quick as your head hitting toilet the second you’d gotten home. Jeongguk considered buying you a cake just for that, and you’d told him to shut-up. But you could feel like pride and relief in the hug hid given you after you’d told him, and that was all that truly mattered in the grand scheme of things. Not life-sucking leeches like Seungmin.

→

You never really wanted a baby shower. It just felt so overwhelming and attention-seeking to demand that everyone in your life pays mind to you and the baby you were growing, but as pregnancy went on, Yoona and Soomi couldn’t help but insist, taking on the burden of planning it. Jeongguk has helped too, picky over the food and colour co-ordinations to the point where Yoona is considering never talking to him again.

“He’s going to be a nightmare when you plan your wedding,” she says it over a mouthful of rice, swiping through flower arrangement pictures. “Why the hell does he know the difference between gold and rose-gold I can’t even get my husband to figure out two different shades of blue.”

You’d shrugged, the smile on your lips small. “He really likes art, maybe that’s why.”

“A designer’s eye,” Yoona comments, sweeping over the apartment. “I knew they was no way you were responsible for this. Remember when you wanted to paint your apartment walls orange… I’m so glad you met him.”

“Hey! Orange is a really nice colour, it’s very warm and welcoming.”

“Orange is gross and gives people migraines – who have you ever seen purposefully paint their home in the shade of bright orange?” The quirk of her eyebrow makes you laugh, but your still adamant like always.

“It could have been me; I could have been the first.”

“And the last if anyone was smart enough. How’s the baby room coming along.”

You’re up in an instant, partially weighed by the new heaviness in your stomach and chest. “Wanna see? Jeongguk did most of it.” She nods, following you through your new home to the room right beside yours. It opens up to reveal a wide room, painted a pretty pastel yellow, tiny birds and flower wreathes lining the walls. Jeongguk had done it himself, along with the images of Bambi placed on opposing walls. It was his favourite Disney movie after all, and if he aimed on converting your child into loving it too you don’t mind. The crib is adorned with pillow and plushies, carefully picked out for their softness, along with a faded blue blanket that belonged to Jeongguk. His mother had kept it, somewhat pristine for its age and former use. The rest of the room was filled with paraphernalia; a rocking chair given by Namjoon, an assortment of toys partially handed over by Seokjin as his kids have aged and pretty star mobile swaying over the crib.

Yoona’s delight is evident in her smile, padding around the room with the movement of something you can only describe as mother-like. “I could give you baby clothes by the way – Jonghyun is growing so fast and I don’t know what to do with them.”

“That would be nice, thank you.”

“You’re okay with boy clothes? Wait – are you having a boy?”

You roll your eyes, moving forward into the room. “No, we decided to keep it a secret from ourselves, you know this I bet Jeongguk told you.” From the sly shift of her gaze he did. “Soomi is the only one who knows.”

“Why Soomi and why not me?” Yoona pouts, looking exactly like her high-school self.

“Because,” you respond, “Soomi can keep a secret and you can’t.” Her laugh is soft and good-natures because she knows it’s true too.

You fall into small silence, one that feels like memories. How you’d met this girl at the tender age of ten and kept her in your life as you’ve grown from young and wild teenager, confused and reckless adults to this. Mothers. A part of your future that you never truly saw coming.

“He did all of this?” Yoona supplies into the silence. You hum a noise of agreement. “He really cares.”

“He does.”

“I think that’s nice. It’s good you meet him that day – and if I recall when you called me right after you were already calling it the worst day of your life. Now look.”

And you do, fondness creeping forth from your chest. “It was the worst day of my life. He cost me an important job.”

“And he ended up giving you this,” Yoona returns, moving to slip her hand into yours. “A fair trade doesn’t you think.”

“Not a bad one at all,” you say. Your laughs are as light as the dawn sun just breaking beyond the horizon, coloured bright like the paint on the wall of your child’s future room.

“You’re gonna miss this,” Yoona says, squeezing your hand softly. “Once it’s all gone and everyday feels like a challenge… These moments you’re gonna miss them.”

“You miss being pregnant?”

“Maybe,” Yoona wonders out-loud, the look she gives you sneaky. “Jonghyun needs a sibling.”

“God please, give yourself a break. And besides,” You glance at your tummy. “He has a friend on the way.”

Another moment of silence falls, as you both stare at your future while your hand clings to your past and present.

“Remember what I said, at my baby shower?” Yoona whispers, her fingers gripping onto you.

“I remember.” It’s funny that she brings it up, considering what happened that night.

“Well… I’m happy we’re doing this together.” You pause, turning to face her, the smile on her hips matching yours.

“I’m happy we’re doing this together too.” And when she pulls you close for a hug, you remember the girl you once were, unsure and stumbling. It feels nice to know that Yoona was there for you then, and she’s here for you now.

(The shower is more than a success, filled with memories you’ll treasure for ever – and images of Taehyung in a diaper stamped into your memory forever. Yoona and Soomi were right through; having one gave you moments to remember and it felt warm, to be surrounded by the tender adoration and love for your family celebrating the start of something new.)

→

Your baby is late. It’s fitting actually, because that’s something you would do if you were about to be born. But it’s starting to get on your nerves. There’s an unspoken edge hanging in the room, amplified by the constant concerned looks Jeongguk has been throwing your way since your child decided to hang in your womb for a little longer. You’ve been trying to ignore it, but it’s hard when he’s checking up on you for contractions and when the hospital bag has been sitting beside the door for three whole days now. You drown his concern (and yours) with bowls of popcorn and a strange new-found interest in watching old romantic comedies. Jeongguk paces around the apartment while Bridget Jones gets locked in a Taiwan jail for attempted drug smuggling. It would have been a funny moment, expect Jeongguk’s pacing as has the baby moving too and now there’s a tiny foot trying to murder you from the inside. So much energy, an obvious mark of Jeongguk’s genes because any child of yours would definitely prefer to not move instead of brutalising their mother’s insides.

“You’re sure we shouldn’t just go in? Get a check-up or something?” Jeongguk heads peaks from the living-room door frame, locks tousled from the fretting of his fingertips.

“No,” you return, shoving a handful of popcorn in your mouth. It’s more for the effect rather than from enjoyment because for some reason it tastes weird. “We called already, babes. It’s okay, leave the baby alone they’re not ready for the world yet.”

A hard kick into your ribs and you immediately regret saying that. Maybe the baby should just come out – you’re ready for them to.

There’s a line of worry digging into his forehead. “Are you sure? I don’t like this – what if something’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” you say. And fortunately as far as you and the doctors know, nothing is. All the ultrasound and check-up appointments had confirmed that your baby was growing steadily and healthy inside of you. Maybe they just wanted to stay in for a little bit before meeting the word.

“Y/N…” He shifts into the room, beautiful face weighed with concern. “We can go just to check–”

“I’m not doing that Jeongguk.” It’s firm and a little mean but he was fussing like he was the one with a huge baby sitting on his bladder.

“Alright.” It’s a quiet resignation. He moulds into the pillow beside you, careful not to brush against your belly. During the early stages you didn’t mind but now there was a sensitivity that left you irritated and vexed if his hand lingered for longer that five seconds. But you can feel him staring at it and a part of you feels bad for dismissing his concerns. You reach out without a second thought, guiding his palm to the side of your tummy where the kicks echo through.

A huff drifts from his mouth, soft and wondrous. “Strong little girl,” he mumbles, following the pads of the kicks as they breach from under your skin.

“Girl? Did my mom tell you?”

“It’s definitely a girl. She’s stubborn for staying in there when I want to me her. Exactly like you.”

You flick his forehead, caught off guard by the awe sitting in his wide doe eyes. “Mean.”

“How?” Jeongguk whines, petal lips forming a pout. “Bubba, your Mom is calling me mean. Imagine – me!”

“And you called her stubborn.”

“I called you stubborn, she’s a by-product of you so it’s still really your fault.” That playful glint surfaces with an ease that shouldn’t leave you breathless. You hope she has his eyes

“Jeon, shut-up before I something terrible happens to you.”

“What’s the worst that could happen? It’s been six years of empty threats. If you wanted me gone you wouldn’t have had my kid.” You close your eyes in frustration, missing the very important airport scene that all romantic comedies tend to milk to the point of death. Jeongguk laughs at your misery, cooing with the baby kicks against your belly again, as if she’s laughing with him.

She. You’ve been avoiding any gender nouns since the baby shower but now that word seems fitting. A little girl. Your daughter.

“You’re both horrible people,” you return, idly dropping popcorn in your mouth.

Jeongguk gasps, as false as the acting displayed on your television. “Bubba did you hear that? Mom called you a horrible person and she was calling me mean!”

You whack his head, whining when the baby responds to his silly comment with a fist into your stomach. “God, Jeon stop. She gets hyper when you talk to her.”

“She?” Jeongguk raises an eyebrow, still smiling.

“She,” you return.

He falls quiet, staring at your stomach with careful consideration before you see it click in his head. “Anyway, as I was saying –”

“Jeongguk!”

It’s too late and your girl is already awake, kicking and punching every which way like you’re not the sole thing keeping her alive. Jeongguk just giggles but moves with to resettle the pillows behind your back, alleviating what discomfort he can. The tension that gripped the air suddenly lets loose, a calmness filling your head as the evening draws to a close. You only get anxious when you have to slip into bed with him, stomach too far stretched out for you to attain any source of ease. Jeongguk’s already learned to read you well, giving you space and extra pillows where he can, the only thing you hold onto during the night his hand. Somehow, you fall asleep, until your body jerks you awake, a searing pain bleeding through your lower limbs. The ache eats through your grogginess, pulling you up and out of bed where you find with a sudden violent shock that your pyjama pants are soaked. And yet you never panic, fumbling for the lights and heading to the bathroom to pat yourself awake before the next wave of pain stings through.

You poke Jeongguk awake, his eyes snapping open with an urgency that startles you.

“What’s wrong?” His back rips from the mattress as he twists to take you in. “Are you hurt? Sore? Hungry?”

“None of those. I think my water just broke though.”

“Your – what? W-water? You think?” There’s a pause, and then Jeongguk is bounding from the bed like he’s being hunted down and chased. The paleness that sweeps over his face coaxes a giggle out of you, which is immediately washed away by another brief bout of pain.

“Shit,” the word is mumbled again and again under his breath as he runs through the house, collecting last minute things. In a moment he’s guiding you to the door with no shirt but shoes on, keys gripped tight in his hand. “Do we do the breathing thing now? And when was the last contraction? I need to time them.”

“Jeongguk,” you sigh, “Could I change first. I don’t think going to the hospital in Micky Mouse pyjamas is very fitting. And you need to put a shirt on.”

He freezes, spine straight and forehead beading with sweat. “S-sorry–shit. I’m just freaking out let me help you.”

“I’m freaking out too, Jeon. But let’s be calm about it right?”

“Right,” he returns. “But we seriously need to get to the hospital because of the baby comes right now I might faint.”

“Not helping. Jeongguk!”

“Yeah, of course. You put out the set you wanted in the first drawer right?”

“Second drawer. The light blue ones.”

He leaves you staring at the hard wooden floors of your home as he runs to get them, a slight sweat building down your back. The contractions are still spread out, not frequent or concerning just yet. You wanted to stay home for a little to be frank, but judging from the frazzled nature of Jeongguk’s movements you’d rather not ask your boyfriend to wait before rushing into the hospital. You watch him with fondness as he dresses you in the living-room, doe eyes wide with concern and stuck on your stomach. There’s a shirt over his head at least, and a change from his sleeping sweats into clean dark ones.

“Jeongguk,” you whisper.

“Yes?” It’s said with high-alert. “Does it hurt? Should we do the breathing–”

“Jeongguk,” you interrupt. “I think you need to calm down.”

“I am calm.”

You give him a look.

“Okay, I’m not calm,” Jeongguk returns. “But I’m also facing the very real fact that our baby has decided to come into the world in the middle of the night and you’re not freaking out at all which is making me very nervous.”

“I am,” you reply. “I’m just trying to contain it because I don’t want to make it worse. And while I love you Jeongguk I need you not to go crazy on me right now. And I thought you wanted to meet her, she’s decided to come today since you were complaining about it.”

He frowns, lips puckered in an exasperated pout. “Sorry–just–it’s just–I didn’t think it was going to be this scary.”

“It’s not. We just need to get the hospital and everything is going to be okay. So let’s focus on getting into the car first and then we can do the breathing practises, okay.”

Jeongguk stills, eyes drifting to your stomach. You see his shoulder fall lax, a sudden protectiveness lingering on his face. “Okay, let’s start with that.”

→

You were wrong. Very wrong. About everything. Staying at home for even twenty minutes more would have been the worst decision you had ever made because when you baby decided to come into the world, she decided she was coming in fast. Viciously fast. Maybe Jeongguk’s crazed concerned was warranted. Your contractions speed up and get worse during the brief trip to the hospital, and by the time you’re walking in past the doors you’re considered maiming Jeongguk so that he never gets the idea that you want a child again. The staff is incredibly helpful, leading you to your room and bed while Jeongguk calls his parents and yours. It feels both rushed and like everyone is taking their sweet time with you, as if there was a baby literally trying to rip its way out of you. The nurses take the noting of the times Jeongguk recorded, immediately pointing out that your contractions have speed up but not enough to head down to the theatre. Soomi arrives during the two hours they give you to settle, occasionally popping into the check your dilation and contractions.

Her hair is a mess and you can hear the faint sound of Jimin consoling Jeongguk in the hallway. Which is stupid because he’s not the one giving birth, you are.

“Hey, how are you doing?” Soomi starts, drawing near with a container of food. She notes the look of disdain you throw it’s in direction, quickly discards it on a nearby stool.

“Thinking about killing Jeongguk,” you respond. The epidural you requested is not kicking in fast enough.

She laughs, a bright thing that eases you edges a little. “I said the exact same thing when Bora decided to come.”

“Where is she?” You ask, forcing a smile when Jimin walks in the stupid spawn of evil who put you in this hospital bed.

“Taehyung’s. Seokjin and Yoongi are coming tomorrow morning. You think she’ll be here by then? Soomi inquires. You catch the slip of her tongue, a faint smile spreading on your lips as you mumble a greeting to Jimin.

“So it is a girl,” you comment. Jeongguk halts beside you. Maybe you won’t murder him just yet.

“W-well, I – I mean – well, yes it is.”

You’re glad Soomi was the only one who knew. A secret kept right until the last minute.

“I told you,” Jeongguk interjects. “I had a feeling.”

“And I’m feeling like ending your life, so maybe don’t talk right now.”

Jimin’s laughter is loud and unabashed, a direct contrast to the nervous blush staining Jeongguk’s cheeks.

“And now you know why I was scared of Soomi, right?” Jimin comments, ignoring the threatening glare his wife spears into his head. “Have you picked a name yet?”

“Not really,” you return, noticing Jeongguk’s sudden silence. You reach for his hand, heart aching with the fear you might have heart him. He responds automatically, clinging right back onto you. “But there are ideas. We’ll know when we see her.” You say the last sentence while staring at his face, mind already conjuring the image of your girl. Will she have his nose? His cherry cheeks? Will she smile like him? You hope she does – Jeongguk has the best smile in the world. He’s staring at your face like he’s wondering the same, gaze flicking over your features with careful consideration, a gentleness in his eyes that warms you heart even when your contractions decide to resurface, clamouring to be heard in the waves of pain that follow.

“Hey,” there’s a soft hand on your head. “You’ll be okay.” Jeongguk looks worried but you can see him trying to hide it, shoulder tense but his eyes soft.

You respond with a mumbled noise of agreement. “Yeah, when this baby gets the hell out of me. Can somebody call the nurse; my beeper isn’t working.”

Jimin does, leaving Soomi and Jeongguk to hang over you like grey clouds in the sky. You stop focusing on them, letting the murmurs of their encouragement fade into the distance as your focus settles on the bright luminescent hospital lights. Everything shifts into a state of surrealness, marked by moments of doctors prodding you and Jeongguk catching your gaze from his place at your side. Eventually you’re pushed into the theatre room, followed by a trembling Jeon Jeongguk in scrubs and a mask. Soomi and Jimin linger in the hallways while the only thing you hear is one stupid word.

You push until you think you’ve split into two, squeezing Jeongguk’s hand because he should go through this pain too. He doesn’t protest, mumbling words of comfort in your ear while you attempt to crack the bones in his hand.

“You’re doing so well – see look she’s almost here,” he murmurs, hand a grounding force when he strokes your cheek. “Just one more, my love. One more push.”

And then finally, finally, you hear that cry, the pressure in your hips waning. It’s immediately replaced by a quiet awe descending on your both. The nurses congratulate you, cleaning and swaddling your baby up before hastily placing her on your chest. If the tears on your face are from pain or love you wouldn’t know. They are one and the same right now, the splitting of your heart aching in your chest as the love for your child pours out. She’s got his nose. You see it instantly, her eyes are still shut, but you think she has his eyes too. She’s so adorable and too tiny for the world. You feel it then, the fierce need to protect her from anything and everything. Jeongguk’s drops down to your level too, enclosing you both like he feels it too. There’s no need for words to be said, the silent exchange of wonder between you two enough as your baby breaks into weak forlorn cry.

Her name is a quiet decision, vocalised by Jeongguk reaching to graze his thumb across her small cheek. “Hello Jieun-ie…. Hi baby... Don’t cry bubba, we’re here. Hmm, we’re here my love.”

→

Jieun is a blessing. There’s something about her gummy little smile and those chubby mochi like cheeks that makes your heart warm with adoration. She’s got Jeongguk’s eyes too, little stars trapped in her loving gaze. It’s almost addictive, how soft and plush she is in your arms. You want her to stay small and tiny forever, under the protective gaze of her mother. Even the slightest thought of anything negative happening to her, makes your heart seize with terror. You didn’t know it was possible to have space for this much love in your heart but Jieun’s carved out a place just for her, a home in your heart besides Jeongguk.

You try and think of that love and warmth during moments like this - when she’s up all night, screaming her lungs out. You’ve checked her diaper, nothing. You’ve gently directed her wailing mouth to your nipple, immediate rejection from her chubby hands. You’ve rocked her around the room for the past forty minutes, softly bouncing her against your hip, but to no avail either. She’s not hungry, or dirty or tired. You’re lost on how to ease her back to sleep and your patience is quickly wearing thin. The gurgle of spit on your shoulder isn’t making the situation any more tolerable either anyway.

“Why’s my baby crying,” Jeongguk coos from the bedroom, voice groggy with sleep. You’d left him in bed and taken Jieun out when she’d gotten fussy, afraid to rouse him. He’d picked up some long shift once again and it pained you to see him shuffle to work early in the morning with barely any sleep on his face.

“I’ve got her; you can go back to sleep.” You try to reassure him but the incredulous look he gives in you in response has your put together facade crumbling. “I don’t know what’s wrong.” It’s mumbled in the cool air of your apartment, the shame in your tone drawing him closer.

“Hungry?” He says, there’s a hand against the small of your back, warm from the bed he was wrapped in.

“No,” You whine back, briefly closing your eyes when Jieun lets out a particular ear splitting wail.

“Oh no, baby. Don’t cry. Daddy’s here.” You press her into his hands wordlessly, a heavy weight on your chest when you finally take a look at him. He looks like he’s been run over by a truck, skin pasty and flat from sleep. His hair sticks out haphazardly from his head, a wild brown mane that’s overdue for a cut. There’s shadows under his eyes and a deep line forming between his eyebrows. A consequence of how often he frowns at things. Like he’s doing at Jieun now, eyes barely open in the dim light filling your living room.

You subconsciously reach out, pressing the pad of your thumb between his brows and massaging until his gaze relaxes. Jeongguk looks at you perplexed, murmuring sweetly into Jieun’s ear while he stains his shirt with her snot.

“Premature wrinkles,” you softly mutter. His eyes flash and then he’s shaking his head, gaze focused on Jieun.

“Bubba, why do you keep crying? Hmm?” He lifts her up gently, sniffing her bottom while she protests violently. “You’re not dirty either.” He cradles her tenderly once again and for a brief moment, she closes her mouth, wide eyes on her daddy. Neither of you move, frozen by the hope that she's satiated. And then her lips purse tightly, followed by them falling open with a thundering wail.

“Jesus,” Jeongguk whispers, hands gently running along her back. “Where do you get your lungs from? Huh bubba?” Jieun responds with a miserable cry, grubby hands flailing through the air. You catch one for her marshmallow fists, bemused when she smacks your hand away.

“What is wrong with her?” You can’t help but ask, feeling like you’ve been thrown off a boat and left to drown. Parenting shouldn’t be this difficult —  she’s only five months.

“Honestly?” Jeongguk's face seems down. “I don’t know either.” He rocks her softly and is rewarded by a softer cry. It takes a couple more minutes of bouncing from Jeongguk for her crying to wane away. You cautiously move closer, taking her hand into your own again, heart thumping when she grabs back at you tightly. You trail your thumb against her tiny fist, glancing up to find Jeongguk staring at your joint hands with a weird look in his eyes.

“Should we go to bed?” He asks, peering at you beneath his long brown bangs. Jieun hiccups at that, immediately falling silent when she nuzzles in her father’s neck. They have the same soft wavy brown hair, but Jieun’s is a little bit sparser, not as thick as her Daddy’s. You gently pry your hand away from hers as you nod, a pleased sigh coming from Jeongguk.

The bed is cool, sheets tipping towards the floor. There’s only a fraction of warmth against your skin when you finally crawl in, bones going soft at the touch of the mattress. Jeongguk makes a move to settle Jieun in her cradle but you shake your head, hand gesturing to the space beside you. He gets in without another word, gently resting her body between the two of you. Her breathing is even, eyes fluttering every other moment, teasing dreams you won’t ever hear and she won’t ever remember. You hope they’re good regardless.

You can’t help the wandering hand that settles on her plush little thigh, fingers grazing against the soft skin there. She’s so big already, it’s insane to see her grow so quickly right before your eyes. This was the girl who was kicking your stomach at every chance and sitting heavy on your bladder. The little baby that demanded you eat pickles with ice-cream and Cheetos dipped in chocolate syrup when she was in your belly. It’s surreal to see her sighing and gurgling outside of your body. It also makes you nervous, how little control you have over her environment. There’s no way you can ensure that she’s comfortable and safe at all times. Or happy and fulfilled. Which hurts like hell. This is your baby and you would do anything to protect her.

Maybe Jeongguk must feel the same because he pipes up, breaking the quiet of the night. “Are you worried? About Jieun?”

“Of course. Aren’t you?”

“All the damn time,” He mutters. You look up, eyes landing on the heavy gaze that’s directed at her sleeping face. “I’m so worried. What if we’re messing this up? I know we’ve barely started but sometimes it feels like too much. I don’t want to see her cry or you tired all the time. How do we know we’re doing the right thing? I want to make sure she’s stable and safe but there’s so much more to come and I’m going to mess up. I know I will.”

It’s a lot for you to digest. The way he blurts it out — it sounds like it’s been on his mind for a while now. It’s a stark contrast to the surety you were greeted with in the delivery room and the man who wanted this to happen in the first place. He doesn’t sound regretful, just terrified of the uncertainty of the future.

“Jeongguk,” You say, trying to wipe the exhaustion from your voice. He needs someone to lean on right now, and even if your heart feels heavy with the words he’s said, you’ll pretend to be that person anyway. “That’s okay. I’m going to mess up too. There’s no manual on how to do this. No one knows how to be a parent. Every child is different. We’re never going to be perfect. We just need to try our best at this.” You reach for his hand, intertwining your small fingers against his larger bigger ones. You give them a squeeze, pleased when Jeongguk looks up at you. “That’s all we need to do. Not everything will be perfect. We just need to try our best to make Jieun happy. Right?” He nods at that, holding your hand tighter. “And stop worrying. She loves you. You’re a great dad.”

He stares at you deeply, still gripping your hand. You watch that soft smile slip onto his face in silence, a warmth bubbling in your chest.

“And you’re a great mom,” He whispers back. You ache to lean over Jieun’s sleeping body, press a chaste kiss against your boyfriend’s lips. But a loud gurgle from her has both of you glancing down concerned. She’s kicking her legs gently, mouth halfway open and drool around her lips. You wipe her mouth fondly, letting go of Jeongguk’s hand to do so.

“We should sleep, shouldn’t we,” He mumbles, burrowing his head into the pillow.

“We should.”

“Hmm. Goodnight bubba,” He whispers at Jieun and then he glances up, eyes soft. “Goodnight Y/N.”

“Goodnight Jeongguk,” You return, giddy for some stupid reason. “Goodnight Jieun-ie.”

There’s a beat of silence, when the air is only filled with the rise and fall of your chests in union, punctuated by the occasional sigh from Jieun. And then Jeongguk is kicking your feet beneath the blanket, eyes open and on you.

“I love you,” He whispers, crust forming around his eyes. You kick him back, a warm feeling settling in your chest as your eyes flicker between your baby and the love of your life. It’s oddly perfect, despite the lack of sleep, despite how groggy the both of you are, despite the uncertainty of the future. None of that matters at that moment. Because you’re here, in your home, in bed with the two people you hold near and dear to your heart. You’ll tackle it together, whatever challenges the future holds for you. Because this is your family.

“I love you too, Jeongguk.”

#jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #btswritingcafe #bts x reader #bts fanfic #jungkook scenarios #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook fic

[selfawarejester]

Hey can u please do a teen wolf imagine set in season 2 where she is either Scott or stiles sister and she is sneaking around with isaac (they kinda had a thing before he got the bite and after isaac got more confident so he made a move)and isaac sneaks into her room at night and instead of Allison it’s is y/n that Matt was stalking and taking pictures of and obsessed with and he had pictures of her and isaac kissing and stuff and maybe he leaves the pictures in her locker and it freaks her out and you decide the rest. (Sorry it’s a bit dark)

Oh, I love me some Isaac!!! Forgive me if I get some details wrong, it’s been a while since I saw s2. And I’m gonna make you Scotty boi’s sister, because Melissa 🥰

You weren’t the dating type, much to the relief of your mother and your brother - and for some reason, Stiles, but you preferred to pretend that you didn’t know that. - which is why it was such a shock when you drag Isaac Lahey of all people to sit with them during lunch one day.

“I don’t think this is a good idea, Y/N-“ Isaac tires to say, shooting the boys a wary look, but you just shush him and shove him into a seat. You brightly grin at the shocked faces Scott and Stiles before confessing that you’d been dating Isaac for a while now.

Scott freezes for a full thirty seconds.

Stiles chokes on his hashbrowns, and almost dies in that same time period.

“Da- you’re dating him?” He splutters, pointing at a smirking Isaac. “You’re dating him? Oh my god, what the- Scott, say something.”

Stiles gives you a look that says ‘you’re gonna get it now’ which slowly slides off when Scott just keeps quiet, staring at you with wide eyes.

“Wha- Scott, say something.” He grits out, and you roll your eyes, tired of their dramatics.

“All right, enough! Seriously, people are staring.”

That gets Scott moving again, as he looks around to find that people are, indeed, staring. He’s still shocked because when did you start dating?? But now he’s asking questions like when did you two start dating? Why did you keep it a secret so long?

He always knew you kind of had a thing for him: all the flirty banter, and the lovelorn glances…

You and Isaac started up two months ago, you explain, but it’s been pretty low-key so that he can hide it from his dad. (You don’t outwardly say this, exchanging a specific look, but both you and Scott have been pretty sure something was going very wrong in the Lahey household — Scott had smelt blood and fear wafting off of Isaac way too often for it not to be.) So he kinda just?? Accepts it??

He’s concerned, duh, but you’re so happy and he doesn’t want to get in the way of that. But he sternly tells Isaac he’ll kick his ass if he hurts you. Isaac, to his credit, stifles his laughter and genuinely tells him that he’d rather die than hurt you; and that’s good enough for Scotty.

Of course, all of this changes when Isaac becomes a beta.

He does it for you. He wants to be able to protect you, to love you without fear of losing you or getting you in trouble. Derek’s assured him that your protection is a priority of the pack, because even in his slightly power-greedy Alpha state, Derek wouldn’t let what happened to him and Paige happen to his beta.

Stiles and Scott hover around you throughout the whole time Isaac is suspected of murdering his father. Sheriff Stilinski tried to kick them out during your questioning, but they squeezed onto the small couch in his office and just stared at him the whole time. You were shocked and scared and obviously didn’t know anything, so he sent you home pretty quick.

Melissa’s freaked out because 1) you lied to her?? 2) you’re dating now 3) and it’s a boy suspected of murder. So, yeah, maybe she’s questioning her parenting a bit, but she’s really trying to be supportive.

Scott corners Isaac at school (Stiles is there too, naturally) after the whole ice rink thing, without Erica or Derek, and he swears he’d never hurt you. Unfortunately, you walk in right at that moment.

You know when both of them are lying, so you force the truth of them, then and there. You get thrown off guard, of course — they thought you’d react like Stiles, or just like most of the people in those movies react: with a lot of surprise but general and immediate acceptance.

You do immediately do something: leave and avoid both of them for the next couple of days. Your mom’s curious as to why you’re so distant, and why Scott keeps begging you to talk to him, and why you’re avoiding him -- but ultimately, she lets sleeping dogs lie, because she hopes you’ll come to her with something really important.

You hang out with Lydia and Allison a lot more, Allison backing up for Scott by keeping you safe — she tries to defend him for you, but you make it clear you need a lot of time before you can think about that stuff. She also tries to turn you against Isaac, but you’re even more closed off to that.

Lydia is a fresh breath of air, because she is just as confused about this (even if it’s only possibilities and vague stuff) and she doesn’t wanna know more either. She keeps things light between you and Allison, and keeps your mind off of things. But it doesn’t work when Allison and the others drag you guys to your house for a weird “study session” that gets crashed by a giant lizard thing- god, this was your life now.

Isaac grabbed you, and locked you in a bathroom before the whole thing really started. You scream at him to stop, scream for Scott, and beat on his chest, but he just screws his eyes shut and forces you in there — he knows you’ll hate him afterwards, but he also knows you might run straight at the Kanima if it came for him or Scott.

You do hate him afterwards. A little part of you understands why he did it, and it’s unfortunately the same part that still loves him. But you’re still hugely pissed off, especially after Scott and Stiles tell you that he tried to kill Lydia. So the next day, when he tries to talk to you at school, you glare at him until he goes away.

In swoops Matt, all “charming” smiles and “funny” jokes. He sees his chance: months of watching you and Isaac be all cutesy had paid off. He knew what kind of humor you liked — unfortunately, all it did was remind you of your boyfriend and keep you guys at a distance.

God, he hated it. Bad enough that someone was keeping you from him, but that it was Lahey. The brother of the guy that drowned him, the son of the guy that screamed in his face about how it was his fault- no. He had to break you up.

So he consolidated all the pictures that he’d taken of you: candids of you at school, at home, at the coffee place you liked. He slips them into your locker, and watches you squirm and look around. It’s working. Then, it’s those pictures of you and Isaac, kissing at your secret spot, necking in your bedroom, smiling at each other — labels it “Remember the good times?”

You’re trying to talk about it to Scott, Allison and Stiles, but they’re busy with the Kanima. Lydia tries to help, but she’s so out of it and she has been for a while and you’re starting to get worried.

It gets to a point where you run to Isaac, tears in your eyes, and photographs in your hands. “Is this you?” You sob, and he just pulls you into his arms shushing you - “No! No, babe, I’d never do that!” - and promises to keep you safe. You stay glued to his side after that. Boyd is nice and calm, a contrast to Derek who creeps you out a little.

Through his first full moon, you stay with him and keep him grounded. Your voice keeps his father’s out of his head, keeps him in control.

You’re standing off in a corner, watching with a smirk as Erica - who you’ve gotten weirdly close to in the past few weeks - and Isaac double team Jackson (it’s actually… kinda hot? Especially because damn Isaac keeps looking at you); but your view gets obstructed by Matt. He’s trying to talk to you but you barely listen, keeping eye contact with Isaac over his shoulder. Then they leave with Jackson, and Matt makes a move on you. You flinch away so hard, you hit the counter and get the bartender’s attention.

You confront him about the pictures and he splutters for an excuse. The bartender kicks out Matt, seeing your distress, who’s now more desperate for your attention than ever.

Matt - or the Kanima- kidnaps you during Lydia’s party and keeps you in his basement. You’re scared out of your mind, begging for him to let you go, but he promises you that there won’t be anyone in your ways from now on. While everyone’s dealing with the fiasco at the police station, Isaac, Boyd and Erica come get you.

He’s trying not to cry when he sees your busted lip, the bruises around your wrists where you were tied down.

Boyd and Erica decided to leave, but Isaac didn’t want to leave you behind. So he goes to Scott and Deaton, and becomes a good guy, helps out with Jackson and everything!

He also starts living with you guys, which you’re very excited about ;) But Melissa is very careful about leaving you two alone. And Scott’s stupid senses screw you over in that he interrupts every time you get to more than kissing.

But you find ways. 😉😏😏

Hope you liked it! I think I changed a few things, and I tried to keep the canon timelines for everything, but yeah!

#isaac lahey #isaac lahey x reader #scott mccall #stiles stilinski #scott mccall x reader #stiles stilinski x reader #teen wolf #teen wolf x reader #teen wolf imagines #isaac lahey imagines #gabiwrites

[medusachoy]

Toxic nahoya part 2

( MINORS DNI)

Characters : reader (fem) , souya kawata (angry) , nahoya kawata (smiley)

TW : breeding , degradation , filming , spanking , cheating , cursing , crying

He apologized after what he did , he promised you that he will never do that again so you forgave him or...that's what you made him think you did , you're still mad you couldn't sleep properly for a long time thinking about your revenge plan , you want to break him the same way he broke you or more , you will, you promised yourself that you will.

"Are you done putting on your makeup? We should be at the restaurant before my parents arrive there " he looked at you and sat on the bed

You hummed putting your new perfume , Coco Mademoiselle Chanel , souya's favorite , he mentioned it before during friends meeting that this fragrance attracts him

"Why did you get this brand? " he stood up " you know I like this one on you and it's not even empty yet " he added while holding the roja haute luxe .

"I just wanted to change the scent " you replied with a smile

"I'm ready should we go?" , he nodded

He was blabbering about how you should talk in front of his family and somethings you could care less to , you were just silent looking through the window wishing he would shut his mouth for some minutes

"You know my mom thinks-"

"Nobody cares about what your mom thinks" you cut him off and slammed the car door behind when you arrived at the place

"What is wrong with you today?" He said holding your hand

"Nothing I'm just stressed" you replied and looked at the place when you were both walking

It's a big restaurant , a luxurious one , that's really perfect , easier for your plan

When you both stepped in the place , you were so excited looking for souya .

He was there sitting alone on his phone with some blue curls covering his eyes

"Souya~ my bro" he hit his brother's head and sat in one of the side of the tables making you sit beside the blue haired twin and your boyfriend

He looked at you both and put his phone on the table "oh hello to both of you , mom and dad will be here in few minutes " nahoya only replied with "aha" while playing or texting you don't know , he doesn't matter now

"You haven't changed since the last time I saw you " you saw a small smile on his face

"You got prettier from the last time I saw you" he said making nahoya looking at you both

"Are you trying to flirt with girlfriend?" He put his arm on your shoulders bringing you closer to him

"Honey why you saying that , it was just a compliment " his move made you uncomfortable

"He isn't-"

"Mother, father " souya stood up so both of you and you nahoya did to greet their parents

"Oh you're so pretty just how nahoya described you " you smiled and thanked her wishing it was souya who did not this cheater beside you

"Should we order? I'm hungry already " spoke nahoya putting his hand on his stomach

"Yes it will be good talking while waiting for our food " laughed the father and you swear he looks like nahoya more than souya

The over happy looking face that you can't stand

You were the one to call the waiter, you all ordered what you wanted but when it came to wine you asked the mother about what she preferred

" chateau mouton-rothschild 1945 , it's mine and souya's favorite" another informtion? this also helps your plan

She was asking you endless questions , you literally wanted to shut her the hell up the same way you did to her son in the car

Souya was just looking at her and rubbing his face , he was also done with her unnecessary questions

But she finally closed her mouth when the food came

You were also excited , you haven't eaten expensive food since your last trip

The food was so good especially the Smoked Quail Drizzled with Pomegranate that you ordered

You looked at your glass , nahoya is busy talking to his parents , none of them is looking , it's your chance

You hold your glass looking at souya , he noticed and looked back at you , looking at your lips and the glass , you smiled seductively and spilled some of the wine on your dress

You gasped dramatically making the rest looking at you

"My new dress oh my goodness" you stood up looking at the red spot you just made on your dress

"You should have been careful darling , I will take you to the bathroom, you can fix some"

"No no I will go alone , you need to stay with your mother " you walked away from the table to the bathroom and turned your head smiling at souya

He realized, he hide the glass under the table and spilled some on his pants

"She spelled some on me too" he said pretending to be mad

"Oh go quickly to wash it at least " said nahoya checking the spot

What a dumb brother , thought souya to himself walking towards the bathroom

"A smart move from you" he found you waiting for him , he locked the bathroom door and started to get closer steps to you

"Actually I'm a bit surprised that you came" you said looking at the mirror pretending to check yourself

"And I'm a bit surprised that my brother's chick is seducing me" he started touching your hips and kissing your neck

You closed your eyes enjoying his touch , it's different from his brother, he's touching you softly , his kisses aren't aggressive , proves he is good kisser

"We should hurry up we only got few minutes before they suspect something there" you rubbed your butt on his cock , you felt his erection , it turned you on , you can feel it's big

"Then let's make it quick " he unzipped his pants and pulled up your dress

"Black silk underwear huh? I see you came prepared " he teased you with the tip of his cock on your cunt with your panties on

"Please just put it inside , I can't.." you let out a loud moan when he squished your boobs with both hands

"You're so wet you whore" he slided his whole length inside you making you gasp

It's big and thick , it's filling you , you can feel every vein inside you

"You're so fuckin' warm inside , this is what my brother was enjoying the whole time , he didn't even think about sharing you with me? What an ungrateful bastard" he thrusted fast and hard inside you , moaning loudly because of his length going out and in

"You're a filthy whore with fat ass and pretty cunt...oh I can't forget your big soft tits too , don't worry I will find a way and time to fuck them "

"Please destroy every inch of me , fuck me like the slut I'am " you cried out and started squishing your boobs while he was holding your hips and slapping your ass

You tears run down your cheek from the pleasure you're getting

"I beg you sir , breed me like a whore , put your kid inside me "

"Shut the fuck up and take my cock you talkative slut , kid ? You want me to impregnate a whore like you ? "

He was hitting your soft spot which made you opening your mouth in an "o"

"I need to film this to masturbate on later" he smiled and got his phone from his pocket and started filming your back while fucking you raw

" you like the attention don't you ? A breedable whore like you likes getting filmed with a cock inside her "

He thrusted harder and shouted his cum inside you

"We are a mess" he giggled and fixed his look and washed the spot on his pants

"I liked the fragrance " he put a soft kiss on your neck and left

You fixed your makeup and washed the spot on your dress and took a deep breath looking at yourself in the mirror

You were right

Souya's cock is bigger than nahoya's

#tokyo revengers #tokyorev smut #tokyorevedit #souya kawata #nahoya smut #nahoya x reader #smiley smut #tr smut #tokrev smut