Tumgik
About
Privacy Policy
Removal Request
Visit Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Fun Fact
The total number of visits Tumblr.com received during January 2021 is 327 million.
#was in the middle of a borderline argument w my family then just zoned out n glanced at the time and tears welled
bo0zey
·
1 year
Text
manic mixed depressive episode on my bday is so fun especially when ur going on 2 days no sleep n have a 12hr shift starting at the asscrack of dawn in 6hrs
#idk if i want to sleep like i do but i don’t i just keep walking in circles n staring off blankly
#also bursted into tears for no reason bc i missed my mom and remembered how much i hate my fucking birthday
#was in the middle of a borderline argument w my family then just zoned out n glanced at the time and tears welled
#6:13???
#then i pretended to go to the bathroom to hide my tears from my dad cuz he would’ve yelled at me if i went to my room w/o saying anything
#so there i am crying like a pathetic loser on the toilet trying to suppress n swallow down ugly sobs
#and there i am crying in my dumpster fire of a room on the floor
#i literally go the entire year without crying abt her but every time december hits i always get into this weird funk
#and idk why it’s still happening it’s been 7 years
#i think my subconscious mind is influencing my body to release the trauma stored inside it bc i was never allowed to grieve her properly
#so now in blips of time leading up to my birthday and the next day of her passing i’m 15 turning 16 again
#i wish i didn’t have to work tomorrow so i could go visit her at her grave instead like i never go to the cemetery but i really want to
#i guess i can go on her actual death day but i don’t want to go with my dad and brothers i just want to be alone
#they don’t understand the feeling of losing your mom and best friend on your 16th bday
#they don’t understand what it’s like carrying all this guilt and trauma and holding her hand and feeling her hand go limp at my words
#i told her it was okay she could let go i would take care of my brothers and protect them from my father and i would be strong for everyone
#meanwhile i’m listening to my dad n my aunt throwing all her clothes in trash bags upstairs
#i didn’t even get to pick out what clothes i wanted to keep of hers im so angry my dad refused to let any of us miss her
#“i miss mom-‘ ‘she’s dead get over it!’
#i got over it alright but then this time of year rolls around and i’m under it all again
#i miss her so much i wonder if she’d be proud of me i wonder what it would be like to feel her hand in mine again
#ooos im crying again lol
#im so pathetic i’m literally 23 in less than 30 minutes why am i behaving like a crybaby child
#23:33 when i was typing that btw n 333 is my angel/life path number lol
#i wanna saw my arm off but i won’t
#i debated staring an iv on myself instead but i’m too drained i just want lay down n cry lol
#pathetic loser crybaby girl can’t function can’t shut up making everyone uncomfortable with her sadnes n tears stupid stupid stupid
#drown in them and die nobody here loves you anymore nobody cares you’re the problem always the problem
#i can’t remember if my mom loved me or not everyone says she did but i forgot what it feels like
#i wish i never told her it was okay to let go i lied to her i said i’d be okay but here i am manic depressive
7 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
whos-noa-wtf
woahhhh there
marianorth12
MariaN
mittiehuondekeri-blog
Three review Frauds And Best Ways To Protect Against
the-capitol
capitol
geekfanficwriter
Fanfic Writer